#someone will need to keep an eye on me at all times to make sure i don’t do something drastic

[inkskinned]

you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.

but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.

i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.

so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.

you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."

i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"

"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.

i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.

and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.

you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."

"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."

you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.

i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"

"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."

"do i die?"

you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."

"oh."

"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."

i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.

i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.

"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."

i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.

you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."

"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.

you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."

"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.

i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."

you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."

"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."

"you could always die, to be fair."

i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"

"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."

i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."

"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."

i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"

"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."

i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push my heel into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"

i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.

"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."

you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.

you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.

i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.

[rafecameronssl4t]

PLS PLS DO THIS WITH KOOK!READER X RAFE AND THEYRE MARRIED AND THEYRE JUST THE HOTTEST COUPLE https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSjHYPTHf/

Low life || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

GIF by @tetragonia

A/n: shut up I’ve seen that tiktok before and he was sooooooooooooo giving buzz cut Drew but with a mo. This is the tiktok btw

Warnings: nothinggg

Word count: 862

MASTERLIST

divider by @h-aewo

“Let me see it again!” Sarah’s voice rings out with excitement as she reaches for your hand, practically bouncing in place. You laugh softly, extending your fingers toward her, the diamond catching the light in a dazzling display. Her eyes widen dramatically as she gasps, clutching your hand closer.

“Holy fuck, did it grow overnight? I swear it wasn’t this big the last time I saw it!” She twists your hand slightly, examining every angle of the ring as though it’s a rare treasure. “It’s still the same size, Sarah,” you say with a laugh, shaking your head at her theatrics.

Rafe, standing just behind you, smirks at her reaction before slipping his arm around your waist, pulling you snugly against his side. “She just can’t believe her brother has good taste for once,” he teases, earning an eye roll from Sarah. “You’re not wrong,” Sarah quips, still transfixed by the enormous diamond sparkling on your finger.

“But seriously, this thing is insane. Did you blind someone to pay for it, or…?” Rafe chuckles, leaning down to press a kiss to your temple. “I just know what she deserves,” he says smoothly, his voice low and affectionate. You tilt your head back to look at him, a warmth blooming in your chest as his smirk softens into something more genuine.

Sarah, ever the romantic, places a hand over her heart. “God, you two make me sick. But that ring? That makes me jealous.”

~

A gasp escapes Sarah as she sits across from you and Rafe at the patio table, her expression somewhere between shock and amusement. “What now?” you ask, pausing mid-motion on Rafe’s lap as you toy with the collar of his polo shirt.

“You need to do this TikTok with Rafe,” she announces, eyes lighting up mischievously. “I’ll send it to you—it’s perfect.” A laugh bubbles out of you as you unlock your phone, curiosity piqued. “Another TikTok?” Rafe groans dramatically, throwing his head back with exaggerated exasperation.

“Oh, don’t even start, babe,” you tease, shooting him a knowing look. “Don’t act like you don’t love it. You’re always asking me how many views we’ve gotten, and let’s not forget—you’ve gone viral countless times.” A smirk tugs at the corner of Rafe’s mouth despite his attempt to keep up his act of disinterest.

“I don’t ask—I just overhear you bragging about it.” “Sure, sure,” you say with a grin, nudging his shoulder. “Don’t let that ego of yours fool anyone. You love the attention.” Sarah snickers, scrolling on her phone. “She’s not wrong. You’re basically the face of TikTok Kook couples now.”

Rafe groans again, this time quieter, as he leans back in his chair, muttering, “What did I sign up for?” But the way his hand says squeezes your thigh and his arm pulls you closer to him says it all—he doesn’t actually mind. You watch the TikTok, the beat of Low Life already stuck in your head as the trend plays out.

A grin spreads across your face as you glance between Sarah and Rafe. “This is perfect,” you say, excitement bubbling in your voice as you immediately click on the audio to start recording. Rafe, lounging back in his seat, gives you a skeptical look. “Alright, what am I doing this time?”

“You’re doing what this guy is doing,” you explain, holding your phone up to show him the video. “When it says ‘sniper,’ you show your ring, and when it says ‘wifey,’ I show mine. Easy.” Rafe leans back, smirking as he looks at the video. “Oh, that’s what this is about? You just want another excuse to show off the ring I gave you.”

“Damn right I do,” you reply with a grin, repositioning your phone to get the angle just right. “Now stop stalling. We’re doing this.” You hit record, aiming the phone at Rafe as the music starts. He rolls his eyes playfully but immediately begins to lip-sync, leaning into his role. He raises his hand, casually flashing the sleek band on his finger, his lips curling into a smirk as he lip-syncs, “Sniper, sniper, sniper, sniper, sniper.”

His eyes gleaming with confidence. You then move your phone to you, seated confidently on his lap, your diamond ring sparkling in the sunlight as you raise your hand and mouth, “Wifey, wifey, wifey, wifey, wifey.” Your gaze is playful yet proud, Rafe watching you intensely on your phone.

The video ends as the beat fades, and you immediately hit stop, glancing up at Rafe with a satisfied grin. He shakes his head, laughing under his breath. “You’re too good at convincing me to do these things.” Sarah claps her hands together, already reaching for your phone. “You two are ridiculous,” she says, grinning. “But also ridiculously good at this. TikTok is going to eat this up.”

You laugh, leaning into Rafe as you start trimming the video to perfection. “They’d better,” you reply, your voice teasing. “We’re setting the standard for Kook couples, officially the blueprint now.” Rafe hums, his arm sliding around your waist. “Anything for you, wifey,” he murmurs, low enough for only you to hear, making your cheeks flush despite yourself.

[fastandcarlos]

Forgotten Thing : ̗̀➛ Max Verstappen

summary: you know just how busy max is, and you understood too, only now you're starting to feel like the forgotten thing in his life

The sound of light snores greeted you as you walked into the apartment, unable to stop your eyes from rolling. Your heart raced as you slipped your shoes off, dropping your bag to the ground with a loud thud, not caring about the figure asleep in your living room.  

“Max,” you called out, standing to the side of the sofa with your arms folded across your chest. 

The sound of your voice had him stirring, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. A smile was on his face for a moment until Max noticed how nice you looked, eyes going wide in horror when he remembered that he had promised to pick you up from work. 

“That was a lovely walk home,” you sarcastically told him, taking a seat on the end of the sofa, “at least you got some rest though, that’s what matters, right?” 

The frustration was clear in your voice as you found yourself let down by Max again. It was becoming a pretty normal feeling for you, to be given empty promises and assured of things that you knew that Max wouldn’t be able to follow through. 

“Don’t be mad, please,” Max asked of you, sitting himself up. “I only planned on closing my eyes for a few minutes, and then I just lost track of time. I mean, all you had to do was walk home from work, it’s hardly the most difficult job in the world. 

Your head shook at how dismissive Max was. “The walk home didn’t bother me Max, it’s the fact that you promised you’d be there. You keep promising and not delivering, it’s like I’m some forgotten, unimportant part of your life.” 

Max brushed his hands over his face as he tried to wake himself up, not quite understanding what you were so fed up about. “I’ve been so busy at work recently I obviously just needed the sleep. We can’t all have a job like yours, some of us are working nonstop.” 

“I see, because my job is a walk in the park, isn’t it?” You scoffed. 

You couldn’t quite believe what you were hearing from Max, he’d always seemed to be supportive, but now you weren’t so sure. It was like the two of you were in competition, with Max clearly feeling like he was winning. 

“It’s not the same, how hard I work and how hard you work is very different. I’ve got a flight to catch early tomorrow morning and you’ve got the next two days off, so I’d say I’m slightly more important,” Max argued. 

Your mouth went wide in shock, letting go of a gasp. You didn’t recognise the man in front of you, the man who usually was so caring and sympathetic had turned into someone who couldn’t care less about you. 

“I’ve always looked after you Max, done absolutely anything for you. It’s a shame you can’t do the same for me. I might as well just leave, that’s how you make me feel,” you spoke. 

Max’s eyes widened once again, his body tensing up. You stood up, feeling Max's eyes watching your every move, slowly backing towards the front door. 

“You wouldn’t actually leave,” Max sniggered. 

“Why not? What is there to make me stay anymore?” You challenged, your voice getting louder. “Why shouldn’t I go somewhere where I actually feel valued and appreciated rather as if I’m nothing.” 

“Love,” Max whispered, brushing a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel that way, it’s just been so hard for the past couple of weeks. I really did intend on picking you up, I set an alarm and everything, but I must’ve just slept right through it.” 

“If you were tired or stressed Max, you should’ve told me, I’d never have expected you to pick me up if I knew,” you sighed, walking back into the room again. 

“But you’re right, I do keep making promises that I can’t keep, so I wanted to pick you up to prove to you that I care.” Max tapped the space beside him on the sofa, inviting you to sit beside him as his hand rested against your leg. 

“I know that you care about me,” you assured him. 

Max’s head shook, “but I’ve not shown you that, when you’re constantly here caring for me, I just take it for granted, we’re supposed to care for each other.” 

You smiled weakly across at Max, knowing better than anyone just how hard he worked. For all his faults, you could never fault how loved he made you feel, even if his mind was elsewhere sometimes. Your hand reached out and pressed against the side of his face, lips pressing against his cheek, unaware of the way Max’s heart raced with relief at the feeling of your lips on him.  

“If you’re free this weekend, do you fancy coming to the race?” Max asked you, “I’ll make sure that we can spend some time together when I’m not needed at the garage. We can explore, have a proper look around.” 

Your head nodded at his suggestion, excited by the thought of being at a race again. It had been a while, you were never quite sure if Max wanted you there or not, but now he couldn’t imagine himself going to the race without you. 

“You don’t need to do this, I know how hard race weekends are,” you assured him, squeezing against his hand, “I don’t need anything to be made up to me.” 

“But you do,” Max defended, knowing just how badly he’d treated you. “I want to make sure you know that I care, I’m going to make sure that we have the best weekend together too.” 

Max moved his free arm around your frame as he pulled you into his side, pressing several gentle kisses against the top of your head. The hold he had on you was more loving than anything you’d felt from him in a while, letting you know just how sorry he was. 

Once he was done, Max kept his head resting on top of yours. “Whatever you want to do whilst we’re there this weekend, we’ll do. I’ll even drive you around and pick you up from the paddock.” 

“Max,” you whispered, but he quickly shushed you, knowing what you were about to say. 

“Don’t tell me that you understand that it’s alright, because it’s not,” he laughed, reading your mind perfectly. “I’ve been a terrible boyfriend and that needs to be put right.” 

“I do understand, you work so hard.” 

“And so do you,” Max responded, “I never should’ve made it sound like your job doesn’t matter, because it does, you’re the hardest working person I know. I’m sorry.” 

“Stop apologising,” you grinned, pressing your head further into Max’s side, “I know how sorry you are Max.” 

A hum came from him as he leant back on the sofa, cuddling you into his side as he draped his legs over the top of yours. 

“Let’s sleep for a bit,” you suggested, placing your hand on his chest, “I know how much better you sleep when you’ve got someone to cuddle.” 

Max nodded in agreement with you, “you can’t be telling anyone how much I love being cuddled to sleep, people won’t think I’m cool anymore.” 

“Leave me stranded at work again and I might just reveal all your secrets,” you teased. 

“You wouldn’t,” Max challenged, watching your head nod out of the corner of his eye. 

“You wouldn’t want to find out.” 

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[alchemistc]

Buck's halfway through his third cup of startlingly bad coffee when Josh pushes the door to the breakroom open, looking mildly concerned in the half second before someone else looms over his shoulder.

He's too numb to do much more than take another sip of coffee as he watches Josh usher Tommy in.

The door clicks shut behind him. Buck wonders for a moment if Tommy's ever actually been to the new dispatch headquarters before. If he ever went to the old one, charming grin on his face while he waited for Abby to finish up so he could take her out, drive her home while her car was in the shop - but no, Tommy would have worked on it himself, maybe.

Had Josh recognized him, that first time, with half of his soot on Buck's face, and just never said anything?

The silence is tense. They're in a fishbowl, no room to lash out even if either of them wanted to because more than half the people working in this place can see them if they just tip their head to the side.

"How can I help?"

It's - his voice is strained, scared, worried. Buck doesn't have a single guess as to how he knows. Maybe Bobby. It's the only person he can think of who would have -.

Buck snorts. "I rebounded with a serial killer who just kidnapped my sister and my baby niece or nephew. I don't - I'm not sure what you want."

He glances up just in time to see the end of Tommy's grimace. Good. He's not sure how much more disastrous of a choice he could have made to try to get Tommy out of his system, but at least it hurts him to know. At least...

"Do you want me to go?"

Buck can't remember anyone asking, before. Usually they just... leave. Get up, walk out, disappear. Tommy bubbled Buck five times in three months. Buck went through seven bags of flour before he drove Eddie to the airport.

His voice shakes on his "No," and Tommy is there, all of the sudden, his hand hovering just over Buck's shoulder, like he realized halfway there it might not be welcome. "Do you still think I need to keep looking for someone better than you?"

It'd been seeing Tommy out with a guy that'd prompted him to stop fucking baking and make an effort to just...get over it But with Eddie away, and the rest of the 118 so wrapped up in their lives, there weren't a whole lot of outlets for that. And it's been easy to willfully misinterpret Tommy's breakup speech. Or - interpret it in the most hurtful way possible.

"Is this what you want to do right now?" Tommy asks, even and measured. "Will this help?"

"I want my sister back!"

Tommy takes a step back. His hands shift to his pockets, and Buck just wants -

"Why are you here?"

He tips his head up. Holds Tommy's gaze. Tommy flounders in a way Buck's never seen before.

He looks - tired. Good. White Henley under a flannel Buck had always told him brought out his eyes. The jeans Buck had stolen once or twice because they made his ass look good. His hair's grown in at the sides, and the sprinkling of greys are more obvious than the last time he'd seen it this length.

"I just... didn't want you to be alone."

Tears threaten at the corners of his eyes. He wants to laugh, but he's terrified if he starts he won't be able to hold in the fear. "When did that change?"

Tommy gnaws on his cheek. "You have so many people, Buck. You have -."

"I don't want emotional repression Tommy here, so if you're just here to keep me distracted until someone else can be here you should just... go."

Something flashes in his gaze. Anger, maybe. Terror.

"Please let me stay."

It hurts, to hear it. It hurts to hear the trepidation in his voice as he says it. Buck just wants to pull him in, tuck his face into the curve of his neck, soak in the warmth of his arms.

Buck spends too long staring at his knees. Long enough for Tommy to shift, to sigh, to nod his head decisively out of the corner of Buck's eye.

The word is stuck in his throat. Has been for months, since Tommy looked at him with teary eyes and walked away.

"I won't be able to let you go again."

He's already half turned away. Buck can only see half his expression as his eyes dip closed. He swallows. Nods, again.

Buck can't watch him push back through that door, so he stares at the toes of his boots until his vision starts to blur.

A second pair of toes swim into his eyeline. A hand shifts through his curls, snagging on knots, digging towards his scalp, and he can't quite bite back the sob. The arms that reach for him are warm, big and familiar, and Buck gives himself over to the panic and the fear that have been clawing at his chest for hours now. Tommy says something - whispers it into the air above Buck's head over and over, but Buck can't - he just -

He presses his face into Tommy's stomach, digs his fingers into the back of his shirt, sucks in horrible, gasping breaths. It's not enough. Nothing will be until he's got Maddie in his arms.

But it's more than he had an hour ago.

"Stay," he manages, and Tommy's fingers curl around Buck's neck and hold.

[peppermintquartz]

stuck in an elevator

Someone with a sick sense of humor must be writing my life, because a benevolent God sure as hell would never plan this, Tommy thinks in his bitchiest mental tone. Then he snorts. As if anyone would be interested enough to write a single paragraph about him.

The other occupant of the elevator pointedly does not look at him. Evan Buck keeps his tone so neutral, it's almost robotic. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. I mean, of all the places in Los Angeles to visit on a day off, we end up at LACMA together. And now we're stuck in the same elevator. What are the odds?" The ludicrously serendipitous nature of this encounter is keeping Tommy from other, less-pleasant thoughts, namely being trapped in a space without a view of the outside world. His pulse is starting to race.

They tried calling 911, but the signal in the elevator was poor. Thankfully the emergency intercom did connect to the museum's operations office, who has contacted emergency services.

"I should've taken the stairs," Tommy grumbles. His skin itches with the need to feel fresh air.

"With that boot on your ankle? Then you're dumber than I thought you were." Evan Buck finally glances over, his blue eyes scanning him from head to toe. "How did you injure yourself anyway?"

"Tripped when I was getting out of the bird," Tommy replies honestly.

Evan Buck scoffs and shakes his head, but his expression softens. "You doing okay otherwise?"

There are so many ways Tommy can answer. He can pretend he is perfectly okay. Somewhat okay. He can claim that he misses Evan Buck, but he wants to be friends, just friends. He can be flippant. Make it funny, keep things superficial.

But this is Evan asking him.

"I miss you like a heartbeat" is what comes out instead. And it's true - Tommy feels like an automaton, moving through time, his routines carrying him along from dawn till dusk.

Entire days going by without a single text from Evan Buck feel empty and pointless. The bedsheets need to be laundered but Tommy doesn't want to lose the final traces of the last time they slept in the same bed. There are books Evan Buck brought over to read when Tommy wants to watch a movie.

And now they are stuck together, in an enclosed metal box, and Tommy is trying not to think about that while also trying not to think about how much he wants to kiss Evan. So he vacillates between a bone-deep phobia and a bone-deep yearning.

"I'm sorry. That was too heavy to lay on you like that." His fingers are clammy where his palms are on the mirrored wall. Licking his lips, he says, "But I don't want to lie to you. Not about anything. But I'm good otherwise, Evan."

"I'm not." Evan inhales deeply and blows out his breath. "I'm... I'm baking every time I think about texting you or calling you. The loft smells like a goddamn bakery. And still, still I can't forget the way you smell, the way you sound, the way you fucking taste. I want - I want so badly - to turn back time, figure out what I said wrong that made you run from me. Maybe I wanna be mad at you. I don't know. But I'm not good, Tommy. I'm not gonna be good for a long time."

"I'm sorry," Tommy begins, but Evan cuts him off.

"I don't want you to be sorry," he snaps, and to Tommy's shame, his eyes well up with tears. "I want you to be mine. I want to be yours. I want... I want us, together. That's what I want. I don't wanna be good, I don't want you to be sorry, I want us to be happy together, that's all I fucking want!"

The silence that falls between them is thick as concrete.

His hands and feet are cold now, and he thinks he is a little dizzy. Gulping down a breath, Tommy says, "I shouldn't have run. It was... I was afraid. That... that you'd see me and everything I'm not."

This is when Evan sighs and turns to face him. "I should've chased after you. I was afraid too. I moved too fast, I know now. But you running away and ghosting me after was a dick move."

"I guess we both have a lot to work through." Tommy manages a tight smile. He is starting to feel lightheaded, and his breathing is picking up pace despite his best efforts to stay calm and distract himself with Evan's presence. His hands are clammy and he tries to wipe them dry on his jeans. "Evan?"

"Tommy?"

"How long before 911 arrives?" Tommy's mouth is dry. His vision sparks and he is valiantly trying to hold on to his composure, but he feels like he's boiling in his dark blue henley; he needs air, he needs the sky, he needs space to flee-

"Tommy!" Evan is right next to him, keeping him from collapsing and hurting himself. His touch grounds Tommy in the present moment, and his face this close blocks out the sight of the metal coffin they are stuck in. "They'll be here soon, okay? It's all good, they'll be here soon. Breathe for me, come on, inhale , two, three, four; hold, two. three, four..."

Evan talks him through the breathing exercises, holding him up and against himself, all the way even after the elevator lurches back to life and delivers them to the next floor safely.

After he's helped out of the elevator, Tommy wretches and vomits all over the floor, some of the sick getting on Evan's nice shoes.

"Sorry," says Tommy, eyes tearing from the force of the nausea, his big frame trembling.

"They're just shoes," says Evan, soothing a hand along his spine. To the attending paramedic, he says, "He has mild claustrophobia. Not usually a problem, but we were in there a while."

Tommy follows the paramedic - Jefferson - to a bench, accepting a quick look-over. To his surprise, Evan stays with him. Jefferson doesn't see anything wrong other than shock and leaves them with a blanket when another call comes in, about some old man and a broken hip.

Tommy finally recovers after about twenty minutes. He smiles wryly at Evan. "Sorry. You don't have to stick around, there's a lot to see in LACMA."

"Tough luck chasing me off," says Evan. There's a determined set to his jaw.

"Evan, I mean, Buck, surely you have other places to go."

"First of all, I hate hearing you call me Buck. Second of all, I'm not going anywhere. I know exactly what I want, and I'm pretty sure I know what you want."

"Yeah? What do I want?"

"To be my forever," says Evan. He looks Tommy in the eye. "And I know enough about myself and relationships, a-and love, to say that I want you to be my forever too. So. Hah. I'm sticking around. Sucks to be you."

Tommy huffs out an amused and exasperated breath. "Still a brat."

"Yeah? Well, you can either put up with me, or you can do something about it." But there's no hiding the curl of his lips.

[zepskies]

And I'm SO happy you're back, my lovely Wayne!! Of course, you decide to spoil me with this review the minute you dip back into this hellsite. 😘

(yesss, and don't think I didn't see that chapter you dropped of Polaris! When I get back from my vacay I will be diving into that. I need to know what happens next with our favorite cowboy sheriff 🤠)

I'm very glad and grateful you made the time to start ESC! I had so much fun figuring out Russell Shaw and the Tracker cast -- especially with all them Deanisms. 😏

Diving into the rest of your awesome comments below!! 💕

First of, Professor Goldstein is a piece of work... 😒 I wouldn't blame her for spitting into his coffee every time he calls her sweetheart. But Russell, I see you. She's gonna be so annoyed with him 😂

Oh he's a piece of something, all right. 🙄 She could def pull a Rachel on his ass. And Russell...lmao, you already saw where he's heading with this. 😂

Ooooh, another professor character paired with some rugged Mountain Man 😏 I'm addicted to those couples. She's all business up front, and he's all party in the back (seat of his Chevelle) 🤪

LOLL the way it didn't even occur to me when I was writing this (at first) that I was writing another professor paired with a law enforcement (sort of, in Russell's case), man of action type, like in Take Me Home with Beau Arlen. 😝 I came at it with the thought of, "what if she was Dory's best friend, and they worked together at the university?" I must have a thing for writing nerds who get the rugged, sexy Mountain Man. Not at all fulfilling a personal fantasy.

UGH. The nerve!!!!! Massage therapist????? How about I step on your back with my high heels, bro... And then to go on about his trip and parasailing... Guess it's true. Ignorant people are happier 😂

Fuck YES, I'd be high-stepping up and down his spine fr. 🤣 Ignorance is bliss, I guess? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Or why are campuses so big in general? My university actually had several faculties strewn throughout the city. Sometimes it took an hour and several subway rides to get to your next lecture 😅

Oooh my God, now THAT's crazy! A whole subway ride(s)?? I've worked/gone to school on some big campuses, but that takes the cake. I guess you get your daily workout one way or another lol!

Please tell me Russell's in the room when she said that 😄🤞

Big YEP lmfaoo, and he likes her already because of it. 😂

Ooooh, right! I wonder how much she knows about the Shaws. Not something that comes casually up in the cafetaria I imagine 😅

No it would not, lmfao! But that is something that will be explored (how much she knows) in the chapters to come, for sure!

Love this whole exchange. You're making my dreams come true, babe 😘

Ahaha I had to do the little callback to sriracha fries (and figure out how tf to spell sriracha, first of all. 😂)

I keep thinking he probably has that look now because he was in the army for so long. Young Russell was pretty much young Dean Winchester in a uniform (hello there, soldier 😏)

Ooh that's SUCH a good point (and yumm). It's making me hope that we get a flashback of Russell in his military days someday in Tracker.

Well... It's a toss-up, I'd say 😆

Oh, very much a toss up/personal preference there lmao. I've loved Justin Hartley since his Smallville days as Green Arrow. 😆 But in this case, I felt like Russell would try to claim top billing there loll.

In. His. Car 🚩🚩🚩😂 If any strange man said that to you... 🚩🤣

Honestly, it's amazing how many red flags you ignore when someone's charming and handsome. 🤣🤣🤣

Well, at least, Colter has an Airstream 😅🤷‍♀️

Ha!! True, it's beating out Russell's crusty motel of the week by far, I'd say.

He is a professional flirt. Kind eyes...

Oh don't worry, we're getting to that callback. 😏

Dear God, he does not stop, does he? 😆 (On the show, I loved his persistence with Reenie too, even though it was mainly just to annoy Colter. But you captured him beautifully here with this sort of charm 🥰) PS: schmutz, schlep... I love the sprinkles of Yiddish in this 🤓

In fact, he does not! lmfao That was what I loved about it too -- like maybe half of him is serious, and the other half just wants to needle Colter. 🤣

Aw I'm glad you caught that! lol I'm not Jewish, but for some reason it just felt right for these characters. 💜

STOP IT! And he upgraded too!!! 🤣

He absolutely did!! And this time, it actually worked! 🤣🤣

I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS! Gah, this was fabulous! I'm hooked! 😍👏 Are they gonna stay casual? Something about her brooding and reluctance tells me it's not usually her style? Which means, will he eventually settle? Get out of the dangerous hitman-nomad life?

Ooh my goodness, I'm so glad to hear that, friend! You're right. I don't think I full on state it, but "casual" is typically not her style. Also, Russell is Dory's brother, so she doesn't want there to be any weirdness or awkwardness between them if something happened or fell out between the reader and Russell.

She already knows his relationship with Dory is kind of fragile, in that they're still in that "reconnecting" phase. You'll see more of that dynamic and her thoughts in Part 2, but the rest of your questions will most definitely be explored throughout this little series. 😏

And then there's the stories about their respective families. We already know some about Russell's. How is she gonna react if she learns everything? And there's something odd about her private life as well. Can't wait to dive into that bombshell 😂

There's a lot to unpack there, right? There's a great deal that she already knows through Dory, and some things that are going to be revealed along the way...

Zep, my sweet genius Alex, you've outdone yourself once again. Bravo!!! 👏👏👏

You make me blush!! Thank you so much. 😭🥰 If you like this chapter, then I think you're going to enjoy the rest of the series. I hope it's as fun for you to read as it was for me to write!! 💕💕

A Line and a Half

Pairing: Russell Shaw x F. Reader

Summary: When Dory’s eldest brother comes to visit her at Wyoming University, you don’t know quite what to make of Russell Shaw. But he knows exactly what he wants to make of you.

AN: Okay, here’s my first toe-dip into the world of Tracker with Russell Shaw! 1x12 gave me too many ideas not to explore this intriguing character. This is set before episode 12, but I have a little series I want to sketch out that will continue after this one-shot, so think of this as a “Part 1,” if you will. 😉

Word Count: 3.2K

Tags/Warnings: A kind of “meet cute,” attempts at flirting, and hints of setup for more to come…

You watched, silently simmering, as Dr. Goldstein added yet another packet of internship applications from his graduate students onto your desk.

Applicants that he, as the History Department Chairman, was supposed to review himself. Instead, he’d been adding these hours quite literally onto your desk. 

“If you could review these for me as well, sweetheart. Thank you,” he said. “Get ‘em back to me by Thursday, okay?”

As a Professor of History with two doctorates in your name, you once again grated internally at sweetheart, but you tried to keep that cringe off your face as well.

Goldstein barely even met your eyes when he dropped off his burden, and then aimed to leave your office.

“Uh, Paul,” you called out, raising a finger. You stood from your desk as quickly as you could in your pencil skirt, but the man was already out the door. You followed him out, your heels clacking on the tile floor. 

Damn it. Knew I should’ve gone with pants, you said, continuing to hasten after your boss.

“Paul! Just a second,” you said. That finally managed to turn the man’s head off of his phone. He glanced at you while checking his watch.

“About the internship applications…and your midterm exam essays for that matter. Don’t you think—” you started to say, but the man spoke over you.

“I’m sorry, I’ve got to run. Meeting my massage therapist at noon,” he said, and rolled a seemingly stiff shoulder under his tailored blazer. “Something’s just not right here after my trip to Cali last weekend. I don’t know what I did, pulled muscle or something. But hey, they do say parasailing is a sport.”

You quirked a brow. “Do they?”

You weren’t sure that being strapped into a parachute for a nice air glide over the Pacific counted as a sport.

Goldstein shrugged at your question and he kept walking down the hall. Though he turned back to toss you a pointed finger.

“Need those by Thursday. Thanks, you’re the best,” he said.

You watched him go, as proverbial steam began to escape through your ears. Slowly you pivoted on your heels, and you went back to your office. You grimaced at the large stack of applications. You were pretty sure he padded them with an extra section of midterm exams.

Tapping your nails on your desk, you grabbed your phone next to your desktop and checked the time. 11:30 a.m.

Screw it. I’m going to lunch, you thought.

Dory had to be out of her Intro Physics class by now, which meant she’d be in her office, ready for you to drop in on her a little early. You took up your purse and almost made it out the door…but at the last moment, your anal brain made you turn back to grab a shoulder bag and the pile of applications. Maybe you could knock out a few during lunch.

Friggin’ doormat, as your brother would say. Laughing at you, probably.

You rolled your eyes and headed back out the door with your haul of papers, purse, work bag, and keys, locking your office behind you.

Why, oh why did the Sciences building have to be on the other side of campus?

It was damn near a mile walk from your Humanities building over to Dory’s office on the second floor. Your hands were laden with packets that couldn’t be contained by your heavy work bag, your purse was slipping off your shoulder, and these heels were killing your feet.

It was a miracle you and Dory had ever met on this campus. On your first day of teaching, you’d of course been hopelessly lost. Somehow you ended up at the tail-end of one of her classes in one of the science auditoriums.

She’d been gracious enough to help you, and even walked you all the way to the Humanities building so you could find your World History class before the students decided to just get up and leave. (And after fifteen minutes, they very well would.)

That day, she became your first real friend at Wyoming University. In the three years since, she’d become your best friend.

And now, her door was mercifully open halfway. You pushed it open and stumbled just a little from the transition of tile to carpet inside her office. Your papers nearly flew from your hands, so you struggled to right yourself and contain them all back into the semblance of neatness.

“Hey, girl. You better be ready for lunch because Jesus fucking Christ. Goldstein’s up my ass again and all I’ve had today is a crusty donut from the teacher’s lounge, which I’m pretty sure was stale,” you said, with your brows furrowed in frustration.

When you finally looked up from your struggles, you realized that Dory wasn’t alone. She smiled at you in amusement, sitting at her desk beside a man who made you pause. Your eyes widened.

He was leaning casually with an elbow propped up on her desk, dressed in jeans and a worn, pale green jacket—a good match for his eyes. He looked a little rugged for Dory’s tastes, but you couldn’t fault her, with the cut of that bearded jaw, and the smile raising the corners of his lips.

“Hey,” Dory laughed. “I see you’re having a good day.”

You bit your lip in embarrassment, probably smudging your lipstick.

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve knocked first,” you said, though you could see she seemed to be having an actual good day. Office picnic? Or maybe the handsome stranger was getting ready to take her out.

Dory just waved you in. She stood and set a hand on her companion’s shoulder, and he got up along with her.

“It’s okay. This is my brother, Russell,” she said, and she introduced you in kind.

“Well, hi there,” he said. He subtly took you in with his eyes as he held out his hand. Already you felt your face heating up with more than just embarrassment.

You were a bit shocked as well, to say the least. Dory had told you some…interesting things about her family, including the fact that she had two older brothers. You wondered which one this was, the middle child, or the eldest.

“Hi! Sorry. Again. Nice to meet you,” you said. You tried to hold your hand out to reach his, but a few papers began to spill out. You clutched at them on reflex, but Russell drew in quickly to help you.

“Got yourself a load there,” he said. You agreed with an awkward laugh and a shrug of your shoulders.

“My boss’s idea of extra credit,” you said wryly.

“You can set it down on that chair over there,” Dory said, pointing to one against the back wall, next to a tall filing cabinet.

You and Russell meandered over and managed to set down the stack without casualty. You were able to pull up the straps of your bag and your purse from falling off your shoulder and give him a grateful look.

“Thanks,” you said.

“No problem,” he said, giving you an easy smile back. “I actually crashed in unannounced, so if you two wanna to head to lunch, you go right ahead.”

“Uh, no. I haven’t seen you in months! You should come with us,” Dory said. She grabbed her purse to join you and Russell by the door.

You raised your hands in placation. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude, especially if it’s been a while since you’ve seen each other. You guys should catch up.”

Dory shook her head and grabbed your hand.

“Uh, uh. I want to hear the latest on Paul’s bullshit, and why you’re carrying half your office across campus. Let’s go,” she said, and gestured at your work bag. “Leave that here. You’re gonna eat and talk to me. No working involved.”

You laughed, but you agreed to her cajoling. With another glance at her brother, and those green eyes that seemed to be dancing, you joined them for lunch.

The three of you ended up at a diner that you and Dory frequented at least once a week. The food was good, the service was quick, and it was close to campus. Wins all around. Russell seemed to be enjoying himself, as he hummed in delight after the very first bite of his Philly cheesesteak.

“Sriracha on fries, huh?” you remarked, gesturing at the man’s plate. Your brow was quirked, but he shot you a smile.

“I said avert your eyes,” he teased. “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, sweetheart.”

Ugh. Another sweethearting man. You narrowed your own eyes at him a bit. He caught the look and raised a hand in defense (the one that wasn’t holding his cheesesteak).

“Uh oh. What’d I do?” he asked.

“You gave her some PTSD,” Dory said with a laugh. “Dr. Goldstein likes to sugar coat his demands with sexism.”

Russell noted your souring look with apology. You’d just finished recounting your morning for your friend, and recapping years of “sugar-coated demands” for Russell.

“Why don’t you just tell him to cram it up his…uh…” he paused. Seeing his little sister’s look of amusement, he amended. “Or you know, stuff it.”

A smile twitched at your lips. “Oh, believe me, I’d love to tell him to stuff it. But he’s technically my boss, and the department chair. Even though I’ve basically been doing his job for two years now.”

“Well, that sucks,” Russell said. “And I feel for ya. I’ve had my share of shitty bosses in my time.”

You sighed and accepted his commiseration with a nod.

It wasn’t fair, but Goldstein planned to retire early in a few years. Must be nice.

When he did, it would make you the most likely candidate to replace him as department chair. The way you saw it, this was giving you plenty of practice before you (hopefully) inherited the position.

Anyway, you shook your head. You didn’t want to talk about it anymore. You were more curious about one Russell Shaw. You now knew he was an army vet, and he carried himself like one. Calm, controlled, even though his smiles came easy. His tousled hair and beard, while well-trimmed and neat, still gave him a roguish quality.

“So let me guess. You’re…the eldest?” you asked. You blotted at your mouth with a napkin, having finished your chicken panini.

Russell treated you to another one of those smiles, though this one held a hint of more.

“Guilty. Though I’m the handsome one,” he said with a wink.

You found yourself smiling behind your napkin.

“I’m sure,” you replied.

Dory rolled her eyes. “Don’t mind him. Apparently my brother’s an incorrigible flirt.”

He chuckled and sipped at his beer, but then he grimaced.

“Ech. Friggin’ weak,” he said. “I brew better than this outta the trunk of my car.”

 You raised a brow at that. “You make your own beer?”

“Damn straight,” he said. His gaze turned a hint more playful. “Next time I’ll bring you some. You can tell me what you think.”

You shared a telling look with Dory.

“Next time, huh?” you asked.

“Sure,” he inclined his head. “I pop into town from time to time. Gotta check in and pester my little sister, the physics professor.” 

He laid a hand on Dory’s shoulder, squeezing warmly. You could see the pride in his eyes, and it warmed you as well.

She turned to him with a smile, reaching up to cover his hand with hers.

“You don’t pester me. I’d love it if I got to see you more often,” she said.

“Ah, I know, I’m sorry,” he said, releasing her. “My job’s got me all over the place. But I’ll be here for a week or so on this gig.”

That intrigued you. “What do you do for work?”

“Ah, well, you could say I'm a contractor. Private security mainly,” said Russell. His shoulders shifted as he became a little more guarded, you noticed. “My company connects me with the client for as long as the job lasts. Could be a few months, sometimes a few days, depending.”

“Oh, wow. Do you live here in Wyoming?” you asked. He paused, but tilted his head a little, back and forth as he considered your question.

“I kinda bounce around,” he said. “Just go from one job to the next. Sounds a bit unorthodox, I know, but it’s a living.”

“Interesting,” you nodded, but inside, you thought that sounded like a hard way to live.

Unstable…and lonely. 

“You know, it’s amazing how much you and Colter have in common,” Dory said. She folded her hands on the table and met her brother with a pointed look.

He huffed in response, though he glanced at you, then back at his sister. As if he was saying, You really want to do this now?

Dory had told you before that Colter was a “rewardist,” or some kind of bounty hunter. The nature of his work kept him busy, and seemingly too busy for his sister. But you also sensed there was an edgier history here.

For the first time, you felt like you were intruding in a moment between brother and sister that went beyond words.

After a moment, Russell shook his head.

“Look, I tried with him, all right? He won’t talk to me,” he said. He went back to eating, polishing off his fries. He offered you one that was half-smothered in sriracha.

“Come on. Live on the edge with me,” he teased.

You eyed the sauce-covered fry in distaste, but after glancing up at his more playful smile, you accepted his offer. You chewed in contemplation, and found that the tangy hint of kick wasn’t so bad. 

“Eh? Eeeh? Delicious, am I right?” he said, his hands going wide.

You rolled your eyes, but you nodded in agreement.

“It’s all right,” you replied.

“Yes!” Russell’s hands swept up higher, like he was celebrating a touchdown. "See, I told ya."

You couldn’t help but laugh. Dory shook her head fondly and gave him a clean napkin for the bit of schmutz she spotted at the corner of his mouth.

“Here, wipe your sriracha face.”

“You really don’t have to,” you said, as Russell helped you gather your stack of papers and slung your work bag over his shoulder.

“No, no. I’m a bonafide gentleman. Ain’t that right, D?” he asked his sister. She barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes again, but she did give you a knowing smile.

“Oh, his intentions are pure,” she said.

 And by that, you both understood her meaning. His intentions couldn’t be any clearer than a mallet over the head, but you kind of found it endearing.

This man really carried your stuff from the Sciences building across the entire campus to your office. All the while, he asked you about how you and Dory met, the kinds of things you two did together, and if you thought she was happy working here.

You had a feeling he was trying to learn more about his sister’s life. On one hand, it was rather sweet. On the other, it made you realize that there was distance in this family, both literal and figurative. You were glad to hear that Russell, at least, was trying to bridge that gap with his sister. Dory deserved to have more of that in her life.

As you explained to Russell while you led him down the hall to your office, your friendship with her had just…clicked. From the very beginning.

“Dory, you know. She’s more than kind,” you said. “She’s a real one. I can rely on her, even when I can’t rely on my own family.”

Russell hummed at that. “That sounds like a story.”

“Yeah,” you said, glancing away for a moment. You smiled and met his gaze once more. “Maybe one for another time.”

“So you’re on board with a ‘next time.’ Good to know,” Russell remarked. Your smile deepened.

It was good timing when you two finally reached your office. You unlocked it and let him inside, so he could set down your bag, and the god-forsaken stack of internship applications back onto your desk. You’d probably be stuck here working late on those.

“Well, thank you so much. You really didn’t have to schlep for me,” you said.

When you turned, Russell was a bit close. Not uncomfortably so, but enough to make a trill of something zip up your spine. You smelled more intensely his cologne, woodsy and warm. Looking up at him, you once again found his smile.

“It’s no problem,” he said, but his eyes met yours for a moment, as if he lost his train of thought.

“What?” you asked, a bit nervous.

“Anybody ever tell you, you got soulful eyes?” he asked.

It took your brain a second or two to compute, but when his words registered, you had to laugh. You held it behind your hand, while the other went to steady yourself on your desk.

 “Well, that’s a line if I’ve ever heard one,” you said, shading your “soulful” eyes with a hand.

You didn’t know it, but Russell’s face warmed in slight embarrassment. He recovered though, taking in your pretty laugh, and the shade of your hair, let loose around your shoulders, and yes, your eyes, when you let him see them again.

If he hadn’t known before, now he was convinced.

He wanted to see more of you before he left town.

“Hey, now that was 100% genuine,” Russell said, but his grin spoke volumes. When your mirth died down, he scratched the back of his head.

“Okay, cards on the table. Would you be interested in grabbing a drink with me sometime?” he asked.

You took in a breath at that. You actually did consider his offer, because homebrew and sriracha fries be damned, there was something more to him. It was lying in wait, behind those eyes that were drawing you in.

However, this was also a man whose job basically made him a nomad. It didn’t exactly scream relationship material.

Which only left the alternative: something…casual.

You just didn’t know if that alternative was such a good idea. Not with your best friend’s brother.

“Just a drink. No frills, no more grilling you about my sister,” Russell said, breaking you from your deliberation. He gestured a hand between the two of you. “Just this. You and me.”

Eventually, you sighed. Your lips raised into a more genuine smile.

“Sometime, huh?” you asked.

He smiled back. “Tonight?”

You hesitated, but despite your better judgment, you nodded before you could change your mind. You still weren’t sure what to make of this guy, but you were willing to find out.

“Sure,” you said. “Howley’s at eight?”

“Well, all right,” Russell said.

He surprised you by sweeping up your hand into his. You looked up at him, curious, but not wary. Anticipation tingled down your spine.

He pressed his lips to the back of your hand. Soft shock made your eyes widen as you blushed, feeling the subtle graze of his beard against your skin.

Who is this guy, Cary Grant? you thought.

But when he pulled away, you had to remind yourself to breathe. Again, you caught sight of his cheeky grin.   

“See you tonight,” he said.

AN: He is beauty he is grace, he is Mr. Sriracha Face. 😆

Let me know if you guys liked this! 💜 It's my first time writing a character based solely on one episode, but next up is a series that will continue this one-shot. It's called Every Second Counts.

Next Time in Part 1:

“Are you absolutely sure?” you asked, with your hands on your hips. 

You wanted no miscommunication here, no read-between-the-lines mishaps, no subtext or nuance to bite you in the ass later. So here you stood in the middle of your best friend’s office, still on the Wyoming University campus after your last class.

Dory had to laugh at you. She pushed away from her desk and threw her hands up.

“Yes, for the love of God, you can grab a drink with my brother,” she said.

▶️ Keep Reading: Part 1

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Russell Shaw Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Russell S. Tag List:

@kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007

@wincastifer @ades106 @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @roseblue373

@brianochka @branj19 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @globetrotter28 @charmed-asylum

@waywardxwords @deanwinchestersgirl87 @this-is-me19 @rachiem4-blog @sweettimelady

@leigh70 @clinicallydepresso @xiphoidbones @skoveu @nyotamalfoy

@kmc1989 @jackles010378 @emily-winchester @waynes-multiverse @jessjad

@my-stories-vault @deans-spinster-witch @syrma-sensei @stellasfictionalworld @ultimatecin73

@jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @pieandmonsters @lhymer1995 @taehyungxjungkookistaekook @lovelystoriesaj

@nicksalchemy1 @spnwoman @onlyangel-444 @sexyvixen7 @illicithallways

@wolkenprinzessin007 @alwaystiredandconfused @carpenterswife @cheynovak @grilledcheeseandtomato

[nadvs]

the act of unravelling (part two)

pairing rafe cameron x pogue! female reader

rating mature 18+

summary you never expected you’d get tangled up with a kook, least of all, rafe cameron. one night, you make a life-altering decision to get revenge on someone you both despise. after you vow to keep what happened a secret, your relationship begins to twist into something more.

tags very dark! violence, homicide, drug and alcohol use, parental neglect, mental illness, s/a, trauma. no smut.

< prev

Rafe stands and looks down at the body, his fists clenched tightly. Reality is setting in now. He could go to prison. His future could be ruined.

He’s perpetually at the mercy of his impulsivity, thinking only of the minute he’s living in, burdened with the consequences later. But still, even with his head a little clearer, he doesn’t regret this.

Ripping away the life of a man who wronged him was a thrill. He spends every day feeling like he’s losing and the power he had in his hands tonight felt so fucking good. He won for once.

You feel heavy as you push yourself up off the floor. You wish you could curl up in your bathtub under hot, gushing water, washing away everything that happened tonight.

The corpse is harder to look at with every second that passes. You glance up at Rafe, blood splattered on his face as he stares down at what he’d done, at what you’d done, chillingly unfazed.

“We can’t leave anything that’ll point back to me,” he mumbles, his voice low over the fireworks still crackling outside.

“Or me,” you have to remind him tensely.

His eyes land on yours. He’s always only looking out for himself. He doesn’t know what it’s like to have to worry about someone else.

“I’m serious,” you urge. Your survival instinct rushes through you for the second time tonight. You refuse to let Rafe throw you to the wolves. “I saved your life. You owe me. I won’t take the fall for this.”

“Well, neither will I,” he snaps.

“You shot him.”

“I could say you did,” Rafe replies. “And it’d be your word against mine. What then?”

You scoff, in disbelief of his selfishness.

“I saved your life,” you repeat. “Does that mean nothing to you?”

Rafe swallows hard. He’s not sure many people would do what you did for him tonight. They’d watch. They’d let him die. The possibility that you might feel something for him makes his chest twist with an unfamiliar warmth.

“We’ll look out for each other, alright?” he relents, letting his guard down for a moment. “Let’s just clean this up.”

Your phone buzzes in your pocket again. You pull it out, seeing Pope’s name. Twelve missed calls.

You hope your friends don’t get so worried that they come up here, ignoring the Off Limits sign Porter had put up across the stairs. But they don’t know where you went. You’re almost certain.

“My friends keep calling me,” you whisper.

Rafe’s jaw tightens. His friends aren’t worrying about him.

“You can’t answer them,” he snaps.

“I know.” You let out a shaky sigh, tucking your phone back into your pocket. “We have to be fast. What do we do? Do we bury him?”

Rafe takes a beat to think.

“We dump him in the ocean,” he finally says. “We go to the marina and drive my boat out far enough where nobody will find him.”

“How do we move him so nobody sees? We can’t go through the house. We might run into someone.”

Rafe looks to the glass door on the other end of the room, the balcony offering a view of the inky night sky.

“There,” he says. “We’ll push him off and put him in the back of my truck.”

You consider it. Of the limited options you have, it seems like the only one worth trying.

“Okay. We have to clean the blood off the floor,” you say. “And everything we touch needs to be wiped. Maybe there’s something with bleach in it around here?”

For the first time since you entered this room, you feel hope. There’s a chance, a real chance, you could get away with this. You look back at the desk Rafe ransacked.

“Pick that stuff up,” you say. Frustration rolls through him. He never liked being bossed around. “I’ll try to find something to clean with.”

“Don’t let anyone see you,” Rafe mutters.

“How stupid do you think I am?” you huff before you turn towards the door.

You tiptoe through the second story, peeking into a bathroom cupboard. When you find a spray bottle that reads Cleaner and Bleach on the packaging, you grab it and head back to the room.

You and Rafe move quickly and quietly, using clothes you found in the closet to wipe everything with bleach. After a loud, consonant cracking of fireworks that you assume is the grand finale, the show ends. And you know people are on their way back to the house.

The neighbor’s private beach can’t be that far away. You have a minute. Maybe two.

You’re glad Rafe thinks to find the shell of the bullet. He puts it in his pocket. You spray the bleach over the floor again, cleaning every drop of blood you can see.

“Tuck this stuff under his shirt,” you say breathlessly, handing Rafe the bottle and the blood-soaked clothes.

You can’t do it. You know you’ll need to touch him when you move him, but you’d rather limit the contact you have with his body. Even dead, when he can’t hurt you, touching him is terrifying.

You pick the gun up off the floor, then open the balcony, relieved you can’t hear any voices yet. You peer over the edge to see the sandy ground. The balcony overlooks the side of the house, dark and secluded.

Rafe grunts as he drags the corpse out onto the balcony. You have to muster up every bit of strength you have as you help heave Porter’s body over the railing. He falls with a hard thud, facedown in the sand.

You have to jump the balcony. You can’t risk going downstairs. Rafe is wide-eyed as you hitch your leg over the railing, looking down with shaky breaths.

“Wait,” he whispers. “Let me go first. If you break something, we’re fucked.”

He shifts down as low as he can before letting his feet hang over the edge. He lets go, dropping hard, his ankles pinching with pain from the impact.

“Okay,” he says. “Go.”

You feel a splinter dig into your palm as you clutch onto the wooden railing with one hand while the other holds the gun. You make the split-second decision to keep the balcony door open to air out the smell of bleach.

You hope you cleaned away every drop of blood in the room. There’s no going back to it now.

You sink, hanging as low as you can, looking over your shoulder before you drop. Rafe’s arms wrap around you as your feet hit the ground, his chest hard against your back, breaking your fall.

“If someone comes,” he whispers in your ear, “run.”

Waiting for him to get his truck is torture. The humid night air presses against your face and you can’t bear to look down at the body on the ground.

Rafe returns and you move quickly, straining as you carry the body over the uneven terrain, the soles of your shoes slipping on the sand.

Once the body is in the trunk and Rafe unfolds the cover, blanketing the cab and concealing the evidence, you feel a shred less frightened.

You glance back into the darkness just in case. A glow of a phone screen is in the sand. Rafe is already behind the wheel, demanding that you get in, his voice carrying through the open rear window.

You feel for your phone. It’s still in your pocket.

“Do you have your phone?” you whisper.

He responds after a moment, “Yes. Get in.”

“I think his phone fell on the ground when we were carrying him,” you say. “We should–”

Faint laughs in the distance interrupt you. There’s no time to run back and get the phone without being seen.

“Get the hell in,” Rafe mutters angrily.

You obey, swinging open the door, barely closing it in time as Rafe peels away. Your muscles prick from the weight you’d just carried as you drive past the partygoers coming back from watching fireworks.

“Holy shit,” Rafe chuckles, near elated. “We did it.”

You stare ahead, your head foggy.

This will haunt you for the rest of your life. The thought forces a torrent of dread through you worse than you’ve ever felt before.

What if you’d run out of the room when Rafe and Porter came in? What if you’d left Rafe to deal with the body on his own?

What if you’d never gone upstairs?

You’re destined to agonize over the what if’s of tonight forever.

You gaze down at the gun in your lap and hold your hands out in front of you, skin stinging from the bleach. You’d wiped away the blood, but you think you’ll always see it on your hands.

You figure out that it’s a good thing you left Porter’s phone. If he was sharing his location, you’re sure the police could track where it was last before you threw it into the sea with him. They’d know exactly where to look for his body.

“We should shut off our phones,” you realize. “I think they can track GPS history from cell towers.”

Rafe digs into his pocket, glancing down to watch the screen go black.

“How’d you think of that?” he mumbles with a laugh. “Is this not your first time doing this, Pogue?”

“Nothing about this is funny,” you reply.

“Relax,” he says. “We got away with it.”

“You can’t be so sure,” you say. “One fingerprint in that room and…”

You can’t think about it.

In the paroxysm of emotions you’re already feeling, guilt digs a hole into your stomach when you see Pope’s most recent text before you power off your phone.

Answer the phone. We’re worried.

·········

The clock on Rafe’s dashboard reads 10:44 when you reach the marina. He parks right by the main dock. The place seems quiet, the water crowded with seemingly unoccupied boats.

“I’ll take a walk around to make sure we’re alone,” he says, pulling his key out of the ignition.

The car door slams shut and you’re left with a gun in your lap, a body in the trunk, and your tormenting thoughts.

Maybe you missed something back in that room.

You picture Porter’s phone lighting up in the sand. His last text to you said to come upstairs. When the cops inevitably start searching for answers, you’ll be questioned.

A minute later, Rafe swings open your door, pulling you out of your daze. You meet his glare, his hair tousled and sweaty.

“We’re good,” he says. “Move.”

Having to haul the body over the dock past darkened, quiet boats is unnerving. Ater you leave it at the back of Rafe’s boat, you stand behind him at the helm.

Your arms are crossed and the gun is tucked by your elbow, because if you learned anything tonight, it’s that you can’t trust anyone.

Rafe’s still a man. A man who takes what he wants when he wants it. A man who killed someone because he didn’t obey him. He could hurt you if he wanted to. It’s best not to be alone with him.

“I should wait in the car,” you mumble. Rafe shakes his head in frustration, driving the boat forward. The boat’s motor hums as you rock with its movements.

“No,” he mutters condescendingly. It reminds you of why underneath the stubborn pull you’ve always felt towards him, you’ve also harbored a quiet fear. Rafe is violent. Possibly enough to hurt you the same way Porter did.

You feel for the gun again. If two men have to die tonight, so be it. The fact that your mind went there chills you.

Rafe looks over at you, lips twisting in annoyance.

“Don’t feel bad for that asshole,” he mutters. “He asked for it.”

It’s the worst possible thing he could’ve said. Your throat is raw with the threat of tears. Asked for it. Would he say the same about what happened to you?

“I don’t regret it,” you tell him, sure that he’s assuming that that’s why you’re so tense. “I’m just worried we missed something.”

“If we did, nothin’ we can do about it now,” he says. You look ahead at the dark sea, moonlight shining over the water’s ripples.

“We need to figure our story out,” you say. “How’d you end up upstairs? Did anyone see you?”

“I stopped him while everyone was going outside to watch the show,” he recalls. “Told him to show me where he was keeping his coke because I heard he was selling again. It was loud. I don’t think anyone heard, but maybe someone saw. I don’t know.”

“Why do you sell?” you ask, face pinched in confusion. “Why did you even care that he was selling, too? You don't have enough money already?”

“I gotta keep your tips coming, don’t I?” he says smugly. You scoff, jarred by his blasé attitude, despising his cold arrogance.

He notices the angry scowl on your face. He’s convinced he’ll never break through the hatred you have for him.

“I want to make my own money. That’s why,” he admits. It’s half the truth, but it’s good enough.

It’s surprising to hear that Rafe, a man you thought coasted on the wealth he was born into, possesses a work ethic. Even though he uses it to deal drugs.

“Did anyone see you go upstairs?” he asks.

“I don’t think so,” you say.

“Why were you there?”

You chew on your lip, the truth sitting on your chest like a ton of bricks. There’s no point in telling him. He thinks your motive was the same as his. Money. And you’ll let him believe it.

Besides, talking about it now, merely an hour afterwards, will only make you cry again and your head is pounding from how much you’ve already wept tonight. How could you possibly say it out loud?

“To buy pot. Then I smoked too much and passed out.” You keep talking before he can ask anything else. “Are we far out enough?”

Rafe looks back to make sure the marina is out of sight before he kills the engine.

Pushing Porter’s body over the guardrail is harder than the other times you’d carried him tonight. The water is rocking the boat so much now that you’re far into the ocean. Your breath is strained as you heave him over the metal, his body hitting the water with a loud splash under the bright moon.

Rafe pulls out the bullet shell in his pocket and tosses it in the water. You know you have to throw the gun in, too. It’s hard to. But you do it.

Rafe looks over the edge now that everything is sinking to the bottom, his forearm brushing against yours. He notices how quickly you jerk away, refusing to let him touch you. The pull he feels towards you is obviously one-sided. Your eyes flit away when you look at him.

“You have blood on your face,” you tell him soberly. His temper flares, feeling stupid for thinking a girl could feel anything but afraid of him after he shot someone right in front of her. Even though she was the one who told him to do it.

You might have a deadly thirst for revenge in common, but that’s where the similarities end. He stalks past you to wash himself off in the bathroom below the deck.

You let out a shaky breath. The unexpected contact with Rafe startled you. After tonight, you’re sure you’ll always be scared to be around men you don’t know all that well. Even the ones that seem decent are just lions in sheep’s clothing. The monster that proved that to you is below the ocean’s surface now.

You look into the murky water, and despite the fear and the anxiety and dread weighing on your heart, you’re glad that this is how it ended. Porter paid the ultimate price for what he did to you. He doesn’t deserve to live, to smile, to feel anything ever again.

·········

You and Rafe sit behind the hull, the boat swaying with the tide. You start to piece together an alibi and decide to admit you were upstairs together. If even one person says they saw either one of you go up there, you won’t be caught in a lie.

As you talk, Rafe can’t take his eyes off of you. You’re clearly scared, but trying to stay level-headed. He doesn’t get how you do it. He’s always been bad at keeping his mind steady. He never had a reason to even try.

“So, I went up first after he texted me to come buy from him,” you say, hoping your voice doesn’t shake. “I got high and passed out. Then you came up with him to find his stash. We’re obviously going to have to come clean about the drugs.”

“What do you mean obviously?”

“You’re going to be a suspect the second the police start talking to people,” you tell him. “Everyone knows you had an issue with him. And why. You can’t lie about the coke. And they’ll have evidence that I was buying weed from him. We have to be honest about it. They’ll find out anyway.”

Rafe sighs, knowing you’re right.

You hug yourself as a cool breeze carries over the water. The weakness in your gaze reminds Rafe of the way you’d cried on the floor earlier tonight. Before all this, he only ever saw you as strong-willed and sharp-tongued.

Even though calming a man like Rafe down when he’s angry sounds like it’d be impossible, you figure it’s the only direction your alibi can go.

“We’ll say I talked you down and…” You shake your head. “It doesn’t make sense that we’d stay up there. I think we say we left him in his room and sat on the beach alone in front of the house to watch the fireworks from there.”

You worry it’s not enough. You’re certain that no one who knows either one of you would buy that you voluntarily spent time together.

“Maybe the cops would believe we hung out,” you mumble, “but nobody else would.”

Rafe stills. His friends like to give him crap about how much time he spends talking to you when he supposedly hates Pogues. If he told them he was with you all night, they’d say they saw it coming.

“They could,” he says after a few seconds of silence.

“My friends would never believe it,” you scoff. He purses his lips, pissed off at your tone, at the clear implication that you talk shit about him with your friends.

“It’s our only option,” he mutters sharply.

“You’re right,” you give in. “Then what? We went home before people got back? I guess that way if anyone saw us leave together, we have it covered.”

“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “That’s the story.”

“Okay. It’s not great, but it’s the best we can do.” You check your phone for the time, only to remember it’s turned off. “Can you drive me home now? I’ll say my phone died. You should do the same when people ask where you’ve been.”

Rafe doesn’t admit to you that nobody was checking up on him, that nobody ever does. He only stands up to drive back to the dock.

·········

Your first priority when you get home is to text your friends, guilt consuming you now that it’s been over two hours since you last saw them and they have no idea what happened to you.

You turn on your phone to see a string of missed calls and texts from the guys. You open the group-chat and type: I’m so sorry. I’m okay. Got too high and lost track of time. Home now.

They video call you to be sure that you really made it home safe, drunkenly rambling on about how they assumed you went to see the fireworks early, leaving them to search the neighbor’s beach for you.

As you listen to them talk over each other on the phone, it’s the first time you see your reflection since you left the house, when you were oblivious to the fact that the impending hours would change you forever.

You can see it in your eyes that you’re not the same. You can only hope that they don’t catch on.

·········

It’s been three days. You haven’t been sleeping. You’ve hardly been eating. And no matter how many times you tell yourself there’s no use in thinking about how different the night could have turned out, it doesn’t stop your head from spinning into hypotheticals.

All you told your friends was that you were with a boy and that they didn’t need to know any more. Because they all see you as a sister, they were happy to be spared the details.

If only they knew. A few nights ago, you promised them you wouldn’t talk about Rafe ever again. You never would’ve thought the reason would be because you’d committed a crime together.

You’re back at work. Smiling and chatting and serving drinks and acting like everything is fine is harder than you expected.

The thought of seeing Rafe again is oddly comforting. No matter how twisted it is, you have a bond now, held together by secrecy and shared trauma. He’s the closest to knowing what you’re going through.

Even though you were afraid of him on the boat, when he dropped you off, he waited until you got into the house before he drove off. Maybe he sees you as someone he needs to protect, even if it is for his own selfish reasons.

No matter how unhinged he is, having someone like him in your corner is comforting after what you’d suffered through.

You spot Rafe sitting alone at the near empty club bar on your way out and your heart settles, but when you catch a glimpse of the flatscreen mounted on the wall a moment later, it drops. You knew it was inevitable, but it doesn’t make it any better.

Rafe swallows bitter whiskey, gazing up at the tv. Under a photo of Porter reads MISSING as his parents speak to the press. What if he went missing? Who’d care? What would his dad say – at least it wasn’t Sarah?

He looks down at the bartop. The thrill of what he did has faded. It’s not a surprise. His life is nothing but a cycle of short-lived highs.

When he sees the look on Porter’s parents’ faces on the tv, jealousy and loneliness screw a hole into his heart. He knows it’s fucked up to envy the man he killed. He doesn’t care.

His eyes drift over the bar to see you standing on the other end. You’re in shock as you stare up at the broadcast, looking guilty as hell. He glares at you until you finally meet his eyes.

Rafe curtly gestures to you to sit next to him. Even though he looks mad, you’re relieved to close the distance between you.

“You’re being obvious,” he says quietly once you sit next to him, an edge to his tone.

You look back to see only a few other people sitting in the restaurant area behind you, far from earshot. You won’t be heard, but you both know you have to speak vaguely just in case.

“Someone I know is missing,” you reply. “It’s normal to be worried about that.”

“What do you know about normal?” he scoffs.

You lock eyes, sure that you’re both replaying the night in your minds, sure that you’re both far from sane after what you did. His gaze is cold, a reflection of how angry he is that you’re not handling what happened as well as he is.

“Great talking to you,” you snip sarcastically, shifting to stand up.

“Wait,” he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He looks at you again, this time with a bit of the hardness in his eyes gone. “We need to talk.”

(to be continued)

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[hermesserpent-stuff]

Potential script idea for billy batson s radio show segment

The whizz radio intro tones-

Billy Batson then starts speaking through a slightly crackly radio as Fawcett is a city someone lost to time, given its connection to the Rock of Eternity.

---

Welcome to WHIZZ Radio: where we give the latest news, truths, and view in Fawcett City. Brought to you by your host, me, billy Batson.

Starting off with community news, make sure to visit the shrine of Atlas sometime this week with an offering. Cap mentioned that there might be a need for endurance next week, and we should all probably listen. Additional reminder, the festival of Zeus will be happening this Saturday. Stay away from odd looking geese, metal poles and don't fulfill any selfcrearting proficies in a fit of hubris.

Onto traffic!

Main Street and Fifth Avenue are both still under construction from Dr. Sivannas attack and the demon portal last Thursday and Friday. Ms. Marvel and Cap. both played a role in clearing the debris, but there are still major cracks and fissures to Hades. Expect delays.

Now the weather.

Today's forecast includes thick over cast clouds; a good time for summoning souls. Be sure to greet both the living in the dead while going about your day and don't for get that umbrella! There is a slight chance of curses with intermittent showers.

Alright! Time to quickly cover the Capes and Crooks news bulletin. Dr. Sivanna is still missing after his recent bout with Cap. Since he interrupted one of Mercury's races down at the track, no one is quite sure when the Roman god took him. If you happen to see him, please be sure to give Cap a ring to come pick him up.

Keep your eyes peeled for Mr. Mind. The worm escaped prison… again. Holy moly. You'd think they'd make better prisons for him. What is this, the fourth time in two weeks?

*Noise indistinct*

I know, I just figured that out listeners would likely have the same comment. I don't see why I shouldn't point it out of its true

*Indistinct noise again*

Alright! Fine. Moving on from that.

Today's radio broadcast is brought to you by Saturn's candy. Nothing so sweet as a stick of magic you can eat! Try their Caramel cookie candy bars, now with cooked in bloodline curse protect. If your looking for a spot of luck, try their cinnamon apply candy sticks. Saturn's candy. A proud sponsor of WHIZZ Radio!

*Little jingle*

Welcome back to the program. Time for our sister citys segment.

This reporter has just been told by his producers to issue an apology to Black Adam for statements said during this segment of yesterday's broadcast.

*An aside*

Do I have too?

*Indistinct noise*

Fine.

I am. Sorry. For calling you a craized up old fart with too much free time.

There.

Moving on!

Kahndaq currently is continuing negotiations with both the Justice League and the UN to gain a seat at the UN table. Or be allowed in the UN room. While Fawcett recognizes Kahndaq as sovereign, the rest of the world stills sees the country as illegitimate.

Aside from tense meetings, and Black Adam being a kook who keeps coming to mess with Cap due to having a grudge unbecoming of a literal king and ancient man child, Kahndaq is doing fine. The economy is flourishing, despite limited imports and exports due to sanctions. The letters sent by Fawcetts finest and kindest citizens were well received and we should hear back soon if Mercury has anything to do with it.

It's time once again for Billy's opinion of the day.

This week!

Cans and their many used.

Not only do cans offer one of the best ways to have long term storable food, but they also make awesome weapons! We got to see this on Friday when Marvel Jr. and Captain Marvel went toe to toe with demons using a barrage of cans. And the food was still good to eat after the fight!! I love it when things are multi purposed. Now if only they could close the rifts down to Hades…

*Chimes*

Oh! Mercury just dropped a fresh bit of mail! Thank you Mercury! Watch out for old men wandering around. It seems like the Greek and Roman gods are looking to bless and curse some folks today.

Do good, and good will follow.

And keep an eye on the sky for lightning!

This has been Billy Batson, signing off!

[ashblooddragons]

The Red Queen (Chapter 8/?)

112 ac

Your Pov

It's the day of Mama's funeral. I try not to cry again as I sit in the bath as my maid wash hair. 

“What oils would you like today, Princess? Your usual jasmine?” Orchid asks already reaching for the oil bottle ready to pour it in the tub and my hair.

But instead, I stop her and think about Mama's calming scent and Ali's vanilla scent, or at least that's what she calls it.

“What was Mama's oil?” I ask and I see the flash of sadness cross Orchid's face before she smiles and grabs another bottle. 

“Lavender, the late Queen loved Lavender.” She says filling the dropper before letting the oil drip into my bath and hair.

“Can I have vanilla too? Or would that smell bad?” I ask curiously before biting my lip nervously.

“Lavender and vanilla would be lovely together, Princess.” Orchid says before reaching for the small vial of vanilla oils.

Once she has them both in the bath and my hair I feel safe, like a warm hug, like I can breathe again. I start to cry again but Orchid acts like she doesn't notice, most of the maids act like they don't notice. I don't understand why, why can't they wipe my tears like Kepus and Ali do? Why can't they hold me so close like Kepus and Ali do? They hold me so tight it's hard to breathe but I can feel their hearts beating feel they're alive feel they're here.

But what confuses me the most is why Mama had to leave me? She promised after this baby was born she would play with me finally, that she would come to my leasons and see how smart I'm getting. But now she can't do that, because she's gone forever. 

Everyone keeps saying that, but they won't tell me how long forever is, only that it is forever. It doesn't make sense, I just want to know when I can see my Mama again when she'll be back to play and see how smart I am. 

“All done, Princess.” Orchid says wiping my face of the water from the bath, but from her frown I can tell she was also wiping my tears. 

I stand in the bath and use my step stool to get out so she can wrap me in a warm towel that always feels warm against my skin because she rests it next to the fire, and smells of something woodsy. 

I'm quickly dried and dressed in a black dress. Put on thick wool stockings as it's chilly today and my hair braided so it's a crown upon my head. Orchid helps me put on my bracelet and necklace from Kepus like always before someone knocks on the door.

“Come!” I call out rubbing my already raw and painful eyes. I then look down in case it's Papa, he seems to not be able to look at me anymore. I don't understand why though I haven’t done anything wrong. 

“Ñuha riña, it's time to go.” I hear Kepus say.

Not Papa, I don't have to hide my face. 

I turn and look up and see him frown at how bloody my lips and how red my eyes are. 

“Can't I wear red, it's a much prettier color than black.” I say frowning

This seems to make him happy as he chuckles with a shake of his head before he kneels down so he can hold my hands in his. My hands always seem so small when he holds them, not like the big girl hands I like to think they are. “No, I'm afraid not ñuha riña. Black, is traditional mourning colors you will be wearing them for a while yet.” He says inspecting my hair to see how well done it is.

“I did it today, M'lord.” Orchid says from her spot behind me with her head down.

Kepus made sure to tell Orchid only she and him can do my hair now, maybe the ‘little Hightower’ but I don't know who that would be. 

“I figured as much, it's not in her eyes.” He responds with a nod to my maids before picking me up and walking out of my room.

Once in the carriage I see Nyra who is glaring at me as usual but this time it sends chills down my spine. Had I done something? And then I see Papa next to her and he won't look at me, as if doing so brings him pain. I must have done something bad, but what?

The ride is quiet, almost suffocatingly so, so I feel I need to break it. 

“When will me and Nyra know when to tell Syrax and Stromchaser to dracarys?” I ask Papa but when he doesn’t answer I turn to look up at Kepus instead.

“I’ll count down from five, once I say zero you two command them to light the pyre.” He says glaring at Papa or some reason.

I only nod and look out the window watching as the smallfolk cry for Mama. They miss her too, hopefully their Mama’s aren’t goen too. 

When we make it to Rhaeny’s hill Kepus picks me up again and whispers to me “it’s quite steep, ñuha riña, don’t you tripping and getting hurt.” 

I feel the wind against my back, it makes me shiver as I cling to Kepus hoping he'll keep the cold away. Once we make it to the top of the hill he sets me down on my feet. He lets me cling to his leg as the Valyrian priest chants.

I try and ignore them as I look at Mama and baby Baelon, they're wrapped in a brown cloth so tight I can see the outline of Mama's arms, legs, and belly. Her belly looks weird but I ignore it as it's probably because she's dead. 

Once the priest is done and walks away I let go of Kepus and walk forward with Nyra. 

“It's time girls, are you ready ñuha riña?” Kepus says standing between us.

I want to scream ‘NO’ but I know that I must, that Mama and Baelon must be ‘put to rest’ or at least that's what Ali said. So instead I nod my head as I wipe my tears.

Kepus looks between us one last time before sighing and nodding his head, a lmost like he's defeated. 

“Five.”

I gasp realizing I'm never going to be ready this, to let Mama go. At least before I had to turn her to ash in the wind I could pretend she was just on a long trip, that she wasn't gone that she was only seeing her family in the Vale.

“Four.”

I feel my heart clench, feel it about beat out of my chest. It's painful, it hurts, but not as much as when I burn Mama away.

“Three.”

I can't breathe, why can't I breathe? I can feel my heart practically beat out of my chest. I feel my lungs constrict so I can only take in small gasps of air.

“Two.” 

I feel Kepus rest his hand on my shoulder giving it a squeeze. I still can't breathe, still feel my heart beating out of my chest, but for some reason, it's all getting easier to deal with.

“One.” 

I hear Stromchaser let out a cry of pain, Kepus says they feel our emotions, our pain, I have to stay calm for Stromchaser. But I can't I can't calm down, I'm losing Mama forever.

“Now.” 

I figured out what forever means, and all it took was me screaming with Nyra, commanding our dragons to make Mama and Baelon ash in the wind. Make them gone forever.

Once Stromchaser and Syrax stop their flames I turn to Kepus leaping into his arms and sobbing. Sobbing that I'll never get to see Mama again and play in the gardens with her. Sobbing because I'll never get to meet my baby brother. Sobbing that Mama and Baelon are gone forever.

Daemons Pov

I stand leaning against the Weirwood tree waiting for that blasted Dornish man, Cole. 

I knew after that fucking Sarwyck lost in the first round you needed a better guard. Though my pride was hurt I can't deny that Cole proved himself, that he would be the perfect guard for you. 

I remember the look of hos face when I grabbed him after, it was a look of horror, of fear of what the Prince of the city would do to him. Instead I only whispered one thing.

“Meet me at the Weorwood tree in a week's time at the hour of the wolf.” 

He quickly agreed of course but now I'm wondering if I should have threatened him instead of letting him go on his merry way. 

I hear a twig snap under someone's foot and turn to see him. He seems to have rushed here if the sweat on his brow is any indicator.

Must have realized he was almost late. I think with a cruel smirk. 

“You wished to see me, my Prince?” He says winded and bent over with his hands on his knees catching his breath.

“I have an offer for you, though if you take it you'll answer to me and no one else.” I say standing straight and walking towards him.

“Wh-what do you mean?” 

“You took down one of my Gold Cloaks, he was in charge of the care and well-being of the youngest Princess. Can't have someone who can't even beat a stewards son protect my sweet little niece, now can I?” I say in a calm voice that has always led men to do as I please, even my brother, the King. 

“And what does that have to do with me?” He asks standing straight again hands behind his back.

I know that stance, I know it well. 

“You're a soldier aren't you.” I say but it was rhetorical

“Yes, my Prince.” He responds curtly but I catch the scowl that he was read so easily.

Oh just you wait, Ser Cole, you'll learn to hide everything in this pit of vipers soon.

“If I could make it where you have a very high chance of becoming a Kingsguard, would you?” 

He seems shocked from the way his mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water. I can't fight the chuckle that leaves me, nor would I want to. 

“It would be an honor, my Prince. But why would they choose a stewards son over a lord's son who has also been to war?” He asks, curious and skeptical to this offer.

“And what I'd I said they wouldn't be others who have gone to war?” 

He freezes for all of ten seconds before a smile comes to his face. “And what would you need from me? Of course after you give me such a high ranking at court you will want something in return?” 

I stop and look at him surprised. Most who are not from Kingslanding would have taken this chance by now, I can't tell if I'm proud, annoyed, or impressed. I think before responding.

“You see, I noticed something about our match. I had my blade to your throat, I let you live, and yet at the first chance you got back up and made sure I'd be the one to yield.” I say smiling when he starts to shift uncomfortably.

“It was a fair fight, you know it just as much as I.”

“Never said it wasn't, you never said you yielded, so by all rights you could, and did get back up to continue to fight.” I say smirking when I see the tension leave his shoulders.

“That still doesn't explain why you need me.” He says obviously getting annoyed.

“It's simple, I want- no I need a man who will use suck ‘dirty’ tactics when defending my niece. If I was to help you, you will defend the youngest, the Realms Darling they call her.”  

“Why her and not the eldest?” He asks confused.

“Rhaenyra has at least three guards at her demand, none are truly hers but they may as well be. The youngest…well she has only had the spares or the ones I give to her. I wish for her to have one I know I can trust. One that will give me the information I desire, when I desire it.” 

He seems to contemplate his options, though before he even says it, I know what he'll do.

“I'll do it.” 

I can't fight the smirk that comes to my face as I shake his hand, a symbol of a good deal. 

Once he's out of my sight I look down at the gold cloak against my back.

Fuck I could use a drink and a whore. I think before walking towards the most depraved parts of the city looking for a night to forget all I've lost, if only for one night.

Viserys Pov

After that ‘talk’ with my small council and the very long day I've had I knew when my head hit my pillow I'd be asleep. 

All I saw for a while was darkness, I figured it was because I was still awake but then I saw a light far away and knew what was going on.

Not this blasted dream again! I thought as I stormed forward knowing what I'd find.

The throne room was dark, not a candle lit on the walls, but there was fourteen candles lit in front of the iron throne. They always seemed to dance, I swore if I moved closer I would hear the sounds of childlike giggles. Most are on their own, standing on their own candle sticks, but three have two prongs with two candles on the stand. 

It's all the same, even those damned faces are still blurry! I think ready to turn around until I hear the booming voice of my Grandsire.

“You will stay, boy!” I feel my bones rattle just from the sheer force my Grandsire has spoken to me.

I now don't feel like a King, I feel like a little boy again being scolded for trying to steal a sweet…again.

“Why do you bring me here Grandsire? You have made me come to this room with its candles every night ever since my dear wife has passed! Well before that I was having this dream once a moon!” I cried out looking up and around me searching for my Grandsire.

“It is not our fault you are not Brave son. That you will not face what you already know.” I then hear my Father, the one man I always wished I could be, but Daemon has always been more like him than I'll ever be.

“What is there to see? Fourteen candles, two blurry faces on the throne? I've seen it! I understand I must have a son to put on the throne!” I sob out feeling their disappointment, their regret, knowing I'm far from the monarch they wished from me.

“Have you thought that perhaps if you moved closer the faces would be clear? Or are you that daft Viserys?” I hear their voice now combine, hear my fathers furious tone mixed with my Grandsires disappointment.

I shake my head but still listen to their advice. As I move forward I begin to hear the sounds of a woman giggling at something a man had said. Another step, and I can make out the woman's curls and theans long straight hair. One more and I see a gorgeous woman on my brother's lap, though it is not him that wears my crown but her.

The two of them stop their chatter, my brother is the first to turn to look at me.

“How lovely for you to finally join us dear brother, I was beginning to wonder if you ever would.” I teases with that smirk of hos that always make me want to punch him right in the lip. 

That'll show him who's older still. I think with a smile before I leaves me and a pained gasp leaves me.

The woman has turned her head to look at me, I would have never recognized her if it weren't for those eyes. One of Lavender and one of Ice Blue, the ones I can not look at, the ones who only bring me pain.

“You know what you must do, Father. You always have.” You say but it is not your little voice, it is a woman's voice.

I wake with a gasp before turning and letting my dinner meet my chambers floor.

“You know what you must do, Father. You always have.” Those words keep running through my head as I try to catch my breath.

I have, haven't I?

Special thanks to @sugutoad for making the header for this fic, I swear I'd be lost without you girly!

TAGLIST: @sugutoad @ilikefelines @classicsimpforaaronwarner @mmogurl @sachaa-ff

[castiwls]

my number one .ᐟ

Paring; art x reader

Synopsis; You'd always been your own worst enemy. Your anxiety liked to jump out at the worst times yet your ever-doting boyfriend was determined to be there every. single. time.

Even if that meant missing his match.

Requested; anon

Notes; tysm for the request <3 i kinda based this on my own anxiety and the methods I've been taught over the years

Masterlist

“I don’t wanna be annoying.”

“You're not being annoying.”

No matter how many times he says it, you never believe it. How could you not be annoying, especially when you’ve woken him up at 3 a.m. for what must be the third time this week?

Art sighed, pulling you closer to his chest. His hands rubbed over your back in soothing circles as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Just follow my breathing, okay?” It was a saying so common that it seemed to fall from his lips without a thought. It was almost like a lifeline of sorts knowing that no matter what you’d always have the steady beat of his heart only a phone call away whenever your own decided to forget how to beat on time and needed reminding.

It was equally a blessing and a curse. A blessing to have someone like Art who would drop everything to come at your beacon call but a curse that you needed him in that way. 

Even now when he should be preparing for another tournament - against which school you can’t remember but then again your only thought right now is being able to focus enough to breathe - he’s here with you tucked around a corner from your class as you try to calm your breathing.

The moment he’d gotten your text.

Please come

Need you

He’d left the court without a second thought and made it to the building in record time. “You’re okay.” He soothed running a thumb over your cheek as he held your gaze. “You’re okay just breathe. In and out.” 

He hated seeing you like this. No matter how many times it happened he’d never shake that feeling of nausea that would swim in his stomach whenever your breath seemed to catch and your eyes grew distant. It made him want to just wrap you in his arms and protect you from anything and everything that left you feeling even slightly anxious.

You were his entire world and it hurt him to know you were your own worst enemy. 

“C’mon.” His hand intertwined with yours as he grabbed your bag. You both walked quietly back to his dorm your heart rate slowly going back to normal as you both walked. 

“Don’t you have practice?” You frowned as he placed your bag on his bed turning to watch as you shut the door. “It’s fine.” He smiled trying to reassure you as he opened his arms. “I can practice later you’re more important right now okay.” He sighed pulling you against his chest.

The practice could wait right now all he cared about was you. 

⋆·˚ ༘ *⋆·˚ ༘ *⋆·˚ ༘ *

Not now, please god not now.

Art had already been so busy the last few days that you’d purposefully tried to leave him alone. He needed to train and you didn’t want to get in the way and worry him more then he already was. 

He’d only left his dorm an hour ago to get ready for the match and you’d been fine. Better then fine actually you’d had a great morning and for a moment you’d thought that maybe you’d go three full days without your anxiety rearing its ugly head.

And then it proved you wrong.

“Art I’m fine.” You could hear his concern down the phone as you sat on his bed, mentally counting your breaths to try and keep some semblance of calm. “You sure? I can come back for a-”

“No. No stay there and just relax okay? I’ll come find you before it starts.” You could almost picture the concern in his eyes as he sighed before relenting. If you said you were fine you were fine, pushing you would only make it worse.

“Okay but call me if you need okay? I love you.”

“I love you too.” You smiled slightly tracing shapes over his covers as you ended the call. The room was starting to feel too small as you sat, the air almost stuffy. Nothing had even happened and yet you could already feel the anxiety building.

The pit in your stomach swirled as your hands grew clammy no matter how many times you wiped them on your jeans.

You were fine.

You had to be fine. 

Taking a breath you stood pacing the small space as you tried to halt the attack. Breathe in for 10 out for 10.

In for 10 out for 10.

“Fuck.” Your voice shook slightly as tears began to prick at your eyes, your chest heaving as you tried to pull in a breath that wasn’t there. 

Your eyes darted around the room as you looked for anything to help but came up empty. You couldn’t call him. You knew the minute you did he’d drop everything and you didn’t want that.

No matter how bad this was - and it was bad by your standards - his match was more important.

Wiping the tears you sat back down closing your eyes as you tried to talk yourself through it.

You were fine.

⋆·˚ ༘ *⋆·˚ ༘ *⋆·˚ ༘ *

The breath he’d been holding since you’d spoken on the phone a few hours ago seemed to finally release as he spotted you in the crowd. His eyes lit up and a bright smile pulled at his lips as he made his way through the crowd towards where you stood, your own eyes lighting up when you noticed him.

“Hey.” He grinned pulling you in for a chaste kiss. “You came.”

“Of course I did.” You laughed but it was strained. Your smile slightly too tight as you fixed the cap over his curls. “You ready?” You asked pulling back ever so slightly. 

“You're shaking.” 

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are I can see your hands.” Art sighed his smile pulling into a frown as he took your hand in his. “Your freezing as well.” 

Your face was still pulled into a tight smile but he saw right through it. The slight draw in your brow and the redness around your eyes gave you away almost immediately. Before you could say anything else he was pulling you through the crowd and behind the bleachers.

You swallowed back the tears which burned at your eyes. It had taken the whole two hours since the phone call for you to calm down even an inch and even now you still felt sluggish in your own body. 

“Art m’fine.” Your voice shook as you closed your eyes. 

“No your not.” He shook his head pushing a strand of hair from your face. “Why didn’t you call me?” You always called! It was bad enough knowing you’d walked from the dorms to the court like this but knowing you’d very possibly been like this since he’d last called you?

His own heart was racing at the thought.

“I didn’t wanna distract you.” His hand was now rubbing over your shoulder as you wiped at your eyes. “I know how much this means to you-”

“The match doesn’t matter.” He shook his head gently, tilting your chin up. Part of you already felt better just being near him, his presence a comfort in itself.

“Nothing matters more than you.” He smiled his eyes filled with warmth as his thumb flicked away a tear. “I’m not playing until I know you're okay. I can’t play knowing you're feeling like this.”

He pulled you closer rubbing a hand over your back. The match would never be more important than you - hell tennis would always come second to you. The fact the thought even crossed your mind was enough to have him debating putting the racket down and pulling you back to his dorm.

“Promise me you're still gonna play.” You whispered tucking your face into the crook of his neck as you breathed in the gentle scent of his aftershave for a moment. Your lungs seemed to work again as you pressed closer, sinking into his body.

“We’re not talking about tennis.” He murmured balancing his chin on your head. “You're all that matters.”

He meant his words, every single one of them. Sure he would play in the tournament but only once he knew you were okay, until then it was the last thing on his mind.

Tennis could never hold a torch to his love for you.

[hannahssimblr]

“Don’t overthink it,” I say. “They can smell that, you know? They sniff out insecurity.”

“You make them sound like beasts.”

“No. No, they’re not. They’re not that scary.”

“Right. It’s just you keep going on about how un-scared and completely chilled you are, and you bringing it up like, fifty times is making me feel like you actually are a bit frightened of them,” Jen, cross-legged on my bedroom floor, pats glitter onto her eyelids. “They’re just bouncers. How bad can they be? Surely not worse than those bastards in Dublin.”

“They’re not violent, they’re just judgmental.”

She rolls her eyes. “Oh, no. They’ll judge me. What’ll I do? I’m immune to it. Unless it’s my mam there at the door, I won’t be phased.”

“I’m just trying to prepare you for the realty. You know? Like, if you don’t get in, you shouldn’t take it personally, because they’re so particular, and honestly, most people get turned away.”

“But not you?”

“Hm?”

“Not you? You’ve gotten in to Berghain already?”

“Oh, yeah, of course.”

I haven’t. Tonight will be my sixth attempt, and crossing the threshold has become my most pressing need since I moved. Each time, I pray the bouncers will see past whatever it is about me they find so unsuitable for their club, but each time I am disappointed. Maybe Jen will be my good luck charm, and will be so distracting at the door that nobody even sees me slip past. 

“Well,” she shrugs. “If they let you in, then they mustn’t be very picky at all.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m messing.”

“But not really.”

Jen laughs into the mirror. “No,” she says. “Not really.”

In the Berghain queue, I adopt a new method of staying perfectly silent and still. I am a statue in black denim, as techno beats throb from within the looming walls of the club. The party is continuing from the night before. I am nervous, but I try not to show it on my face, nor the movements of my body. Jen offers me some of the cigarette she is sharing with Jonas, and I shake my head, for fear that this act, or any act at all, will draw too much attention. That it will set off the radar of the doormen, guarding the club with their mysterious rules. 

“Cold, isn’t it?” Jen comments, and I wish she wouldn’t. 

“Mm.” I reply. A group of men are turned away. 

“They must be too drunk.”

“Maybe.”

We stand mute for the next half an hour, Jonas bobbing his head to the music as the queue shortens ahead of us. He gets in every time no matter what he does. He is never nervous.

We reach the top, and my palms sweat despite the cold, fisted inside the pockets of my coat. Jen keeps a straight face, like I told her. She doesn’t speak. A doorman examines her, and Jonas, and me. 

“Welkommen,” he says, and waves us inside. 

I have been holding my breath. I let it out in a rush. Someone asks for my phone, puts a green sticker over the camera. I hardly dare to look around me. 

I am inside, awash with approval. 

“Very grungy,” Jen comments, nonchalant, as we climb a staircase to the main hall. The industrial fittings from the building’s electrical plant history, with soaring, concrete ceilings and pipe and disintegrating tile, plastered with stickers, German slogans I only partially understand. 

It is the wall of sound that takes me by surprise. The immense noise of it that invades my body and vibrates through me, my heart thumping in time with the beat. 

“Christ,” I say, though nobody hears me. My voice is inside my own ears and nowhere else. Around us, bodies drift upon the dancefloor, arms up, weaving together as though moving underwater. I’m in another realm, like diving beneath the surface, time liquid, direction lost. Hundreds of bodies move in leather and latex, with chains and spikes, studs, laces, and masks. These people could be scary, but it isn’t like that. It’s mesmerising. Disorienting. There is a moment where I leave my body, and forget where I am, and I’m drifting above them. 

Jen yanks me down, her mouth against my ear. “Do you know where your friends are?” 

“Somewhere,” I bellow, and shrug, staring out over the sea of dancers under the lights and the smoke. Impossible to tell one person from another. One thousand shades of black. “In there. We can go in.”

“Yeah, okay,” She grabs my hand, then Jonas’, and pulls us toward the churning centre. 

I do not understand this brutal music, but I pretend to. It thuds on, repetitive. It rattles my bones and I close my eyes and smell the cigarette smoke and sweat. I move with the wave. 

“Jude, baby!” hands are on me, and there is Elias, glitter on his face, and his pupils black. Next to him, Dalia, the same, her curls sticking to her forehead, jaw gurning. 

“We found you so easy,” she says, close to my ear. “You stick out.”

“Oh. Because I don't belong in here.”

“Nah. Because you’re tall as fuck. This your friend?” She’s reaching for Jen with fingers wiggling, her signature warm smile made edgy by the manic look of her eyes.

Jen meets them, Elias and Dalia, and I can’t hear what they’re screaming into each other’s faces, but they’re smiling, because she’s likeable. As I watch them, my eyes settle upon a dusting of white powder in the fibres of Dalia’s top, and I feel hungry. We’ve been doing this a lot these last few months, not at Berghain, obviously, because of my unsuitability, but in other clubs, other parties. It’s fun, the way it is here, the culture around the drugs. It doesn’t feel dirty the way it did when I was in school, like I didn’t know what I was taking. The things I put into my mouth or up my nose could have been scooped off the floor of a Portaloo, for all I knew. This is different. I like it more. But it’s fine, it’s like cigarettes. I don’t really smoke. I don’t really do drugs, either.

Within five minutes, Elias, Jonas and I are doing lines in the toilets, and then we’re dancing with the girls for some undeterminable amount of time. The music pounds on, we smoke cigarettes, the liquid crowd swirls.  

“You’re on it,” Jen says, peering into my eyes as we sit in a lounge above the techno room, and I feel guilty, because it’s her, and I used to try and be sober when we were together. 

“Nope.”

“Where did you get it?”

“Nowhere.”

She digs around in my pockets, and I knock her hands away from me. “Get out of there. I don’t want you stealing my chewing gum wrappers and bits of lint.”

“Oh, come on.” She shoves her hand into the back pocket of my jeans. 

“Stop grabbing my arse, you filthy little freak.”

“What are you doing, Jenny?” Elias cries. “What do you want, darling?”

“Nothing,” I say, giggling now, and I firmly plant her hands back in her lap.

“I think Jude has drugs. I wanted to see them.”

“Oh, he doesn’t. But I do.” Elias produces a baggie of pills and tips one into his hand. “Here, I’m not leaving anyone out of the fun.”

I panic and snatch it before she can. I tip it into my mouth and swallow. Jen gapes at me as I grimace. “That was for me!” She cries.

“Was it? Too bad. It’s mine now.”

Elias rolls his eyes. “Oh, Jude, don’t be so selfish. Don’t worry, Jen.” He offers her another pill, and again, I snatch it, and I swallow it before she can. Now she stares at me, her brows drawn, confused and annoyed. “Hey! Stop robbing them,” she says. “Those were for me.”

I grin. “Well, too slow.”

“You’re cracked.”

Her nostrils flare, and there is a twinge of anxiety in my stomach, as I know my body will make me pay for this later, but the impulse to protect Jen is much stronger than my self-preservation instincts. It’s not that I was foolish enough to assume drugs would not be present, abundant even, at Berghain, but I didn’t think Jen would try to take them. After all that stuff from before, the images still burned into my brain, of fourteen, crying in Michelle’s bathroom as her dad held Jen over the tub, the plastic tube, and her sobs.

Again, Elias reaches for the bag, and this time I push his hand away, “No, Elias,” I say, “Leave it. She can’t have any.”

“Oh, stop. She wants them!” He winks at her and smiles that big, white veneer smile of his, but he doesn’t understand. I tighten my grip on his fist. “No,” I repeat. “She doesn’t need them.”

“I can do what I like,” she says, and like me, she’s trying to keep the tone jovial, but her voice is rising, tightening. 

I lower my face to hers, and mutter to her through gritted teeth so nobody else can hear, “No, you can’t.”

She coughs out some outraged imitation of a laugh. “I’m a grown woman,” she says, which is absurd. She is eighteen. It’s an argument for argument’s sake, which is so frustratingly Jen that I could scream.

Instead, I soften my voice and attempt to be reasonable, “C’mon, Jen. I know you know where I’m coming from.”

“Well, you’re creating a fuss in front of everyone.”

She’s right. My friends sit around us staring at anything but the situation gradually escalating in front of them. “What’s the alternative? Do I try to explain my way of thinking to you, or do I do an entire bag just to prove a point?”

She huffs, her face reddening. “How come you can do them, then? Huh? You’re there with your big black eyes and cocaine on your upper lip, and you’re going to tell me what I can’t do?”

I touch my face, and my fingers come away with a light dusting. Later, I will be ashamed of the two seconds I spent looking at the residue, visualising rubbing it into my gums while she’s sitting there looking at me. “It’s different,” I insist.

“Why’s it different? We hung out in the same places, tried the same things, you don’t–”

“Well, I can stop anytime I like,” I hiss, “And you can’t.”

She makes a little outraged sound. “You can’t say that to me!”

“Well, it’s true, because–”

“Hey! How about we all dance?” Dalia says, rising to her feet and hauling me out of the seat. “Let’s go downstairs.”

“Yes!” says Jonas. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Our discussion ends there, and down we go to the techno floor, diving back into the sea of dancers. I come up there, washed by a wave of euphoria as the beat hammers on, and I think I get it. I think I get the thing about techno. 

Jen dances with Elias, their skin sweat sheened, and I take her hand to pull her closer to me. “I’m sorry, Jenny,” I say. “I shouldn’t have said that to you. Upstairs, like.”

“It’s okay. I don’t care.”

“It wasn’t nice.”

“Well, you were probably right.”

“It’s not right to talk to you like that, especially in front of people. I–”

“Forget it!” she says, and grins with that snaggletooth smile she’s had since ten. She dances around me, and we hold one another’s hands, and it strikes me that nothing really matters with me and Jen. No matter how much time has passed or how much we change, nothing can ever touch us. And now, in Berlin, sweat in our hair and our hearts matching the DJs rhythm, we’re swimming together, riding a wave, four hundred miles from the sea. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[wholelottaprompts]

ᡣ𐭩 Emails I Can't Send Prompts ᡣ𐭩

from the album Emails I Can't Send, by Sabrina Carpenter

"And I still make excuses for you constantly."

"Sorry that I pulled the 'it's not you, it's me.'"

"You're not my friend, and baby, you never were."

"It's times like these I wish I had a time machine."

"Whatever, you're a waste of time."

"I can't myself when you get close to me."

“Oh, so you do have a type."

"Where else can we go?"

"I hate the way you left me dry."

"Give me a second to forget I ever really meant it."

"Don't say sorry now."

"One day, I'll make sure you get a real apology."

"I tried to look for the best in the worst."

"Oh, so you can reply."

"I'm so tired."

"You want me? I'm done."

"I wonder how many things you think about before you get to me."

"You're lucky I'm a private person."

"I'm over that son of a bitch."

"Don't make me cuss you out."

"You're so vicious."

"Nobody gets my jokes, everyone here thinks I'm fucking rude."

"Why were you somewhere else when you were next to me?"

"I can't help it, it's a habit."

"You act like a bitch."

"I never saw him and we never kissed."

"There's nothing left here to decode."

"Were you lying to me and the family?"

"If you wanted brown eyes, I could have got contacts."

"You don't feel remorse."

"That never made too much sense to me."

"I can't read your mind."

"Why'd you let me down?"

"You knew I would see that."

"Looking at you got me thinking nonsense."

"Bet you wanna love me now."

"How do you do this to me?"

"Tell me what's gonna happen."

"You knew I would notice."

"I'll drive you home."

"I don't even know, I'm talking nonsense."

"I want you there sometimes."

"She looks nothing like me."

"Your signals are mixed."

"Everything reminds me of you."

"I know you know it keeps me up."

"You drive me crazy."

"Chase me."

"Did you even give a fuck?"

"You disgust me."

"Now I'm a homewrecker. I'm a slut."

"Tell me I was more than just a decent opportunity."

"Why do you look so happy?"

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thanks to you, I can't love right."

"I know now even if I tried to change that somehow, you'd end up with her anyway."

"You fit every stereotype."

"Does she step out of the spotlight so you bathe in it?"

"Now I can't even look at you."

"You said I'm too late to be your first love, but I'll always be your favorite."

"I know what you're about to say."

"Does she get up on top of you more than I would?"

"He had it coming."

"I deserve my own consideration."

"I look up from my phone and think there's no chance it's you, but it is."

"He's good for my heart, but he's bad for business."

"I've got death threats filling up semi trucks."

"How am I supposed to close the door when I still need the closure?"

"All my friends think I've gone crazy."

"I care, but I don't."

"Please fucking fix this."

"Tell me that you miss me in your life."

"It feels so good not caring where you are tonight."

"You were all I looked up to."

"Was I being lied to?"

"I got ways to find you anywhere."

"You miss me? No duh."

"Maybe we should do this on purpose sometime."

"It was all so innocent."

"What the fuck is patience?"

"I can't even stomach loving someone else."

"God, I love you, but you're such a dipshit."

"You're good at impersonating someone who cares."

"I bet your house is where my other sock is."

[darkfalcone]

Puppy

Pairing: Dark!Sofia Falcone x Reader

Warnings: Noncon, Non-Consensual Stress Reliever (???), Manipulation, Dissociation, Crying, Mommy Kink, Face Slapping, Pussy Spanking, Spanking, Mocking, Mean!Sofia, Pet Names, Fingering, Spit Kink, Degradation, Branding, Begging.

Summary: Sofia’s stressed and she wants to hurt you, but knows she needs to keep you semi-calm.

A/N: ohhh this is fucked up, but I couldn’t help it | based on this ask

You had known Sofia for a few months before she had asked you on a date. Of course, you said yes and since then, the two of you had been dating. That was ten years ago and although she was in Arkham, you stuck by her side. You made sure to visit her once a week and when you could, you sometimes went twice a week. Despite everything, you thought your relationship was going great. That was until she got out of Arkham and she had found out that her brother was dead.

Sofia took over her family business and invited you to live with her. As soon as you said yes, she had her men drive her to your shitty apartment to pick up you and your stuff. You were a little taken aback by how fast she wanted you to move in, not giving you a chance to allow you to get things ready for your move. You didn’t think anything of it, instead, pushing your concerns away to be as excited as she was. You sat in the backseat of the last car that had pulled up that Sofia was in, even though you tried to tell her that you’ll help them move things into the cars, she wouldn’t allow you to. When you finally dropped the argument, Sofia placed her hand on your thigh before getting closer so she could kiss on your neck. You flinched as one of her men walked by, ultimately pushing Sofia off you.

“What?” She frowned. “Do you not want me to touch you?”

You shook your head, “N-No! I do, it’s just… not… here…”

Sofia took her hand off your thigh, turning to look out the window. You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, unsure of what to do or even say. By the time her men finished getting all of your stuff out of your apartment, it was dark out and she still hadn’t said a word to you since you denied her. The feeling of her pretending that you weren’t there was beginning to make you antsy and you hated it.

The drive to her mansion was going to be a long and awkward one and it took everything in you to not reach out and touch her. This was all so much for you - she had just gotten out of Arkham, found out her brother died, and invited you to live with her. All in a span of a day and the more you thought about it, the more you felt bad with the way you reacted to her. You hadn’t been intimate with her in ten years and she just missed physically touching you. You couldn’t blame her though, you missed touching her too.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I just get really shy.”

Sofia huffed and you wished you could see her face. “I understand, but things are different now. If I want to touch you in front of my men I will, it’s been ten long years and we have so much to catch up on. Understood?” She questioned.

”I-“ you swallowed.

The words got stuck in your throat as she placed her hand back on your thigh.

“You?” She pushed, moving her hand up your thigh slowly. “It’s an hour ride, are you going to give me what I want or is our first night together in ten years going to be me fucking someone else in the other rooom while you sit in our bedroom?”

Your eyes widen at her words, surprised at this sudden attitude of hers. You’re hurt and you weren’t sure of what to say to it, but without a word, you pull your pants down as well as your underwear. You feel your face heat up at the thought of her driver knowing what Sofia was about to do to you.

Sofia got closer to you and instantly her mouth was back on your neck, sucking gently on the skin. “That’s a good girl, already knowing your place.” She whispered, slipping her hand into your underwear.

You squeezed your eyes shut - biting your lip as her cold fingers rubbed your clit. Sofia bit your neck again, but this time sucking on the skin harder than before, she rubbed you harder.

“I don’t want you holding back the noises you’re making for me just because others can hear you.” she snapped, pinching your clit hard.

”Ow!” you cried out. “Please Sofia, it hurts!”

Sofia finally stopped pinching you, chuckling as the both of you heard her driver groan. You tried to close your legs but Sofia bit down on your neck, a warning for you to stop that. When she pulled away, she spat on your face before pulling her fingers out just as her phone began to ring. She let out a sigh before picking up the phone and answering it.

Even in the dark and with her not saying anything, you could tell whoever was talking was annoying her. You wiped her spit off your face just before she placed her hand on your thigh. You stayed quiet as she began to talk, unsure of what she was saying as all you could focus on was your heart pounding.

“Well,” Sofia groaned. “I’ll be having a meeting with Oz in the morning.”

“What time?” her driver asked.

Sofia dug her nails into your thigh as hard as she could, causing you to cry out. You tried to pull her hand off your thigh, but she was stronger than you.

“Ten in the mornin’.” Sofia said. “That means our first night together will just be us sleeping because you need to be up as well.”

“Wait- why do I have to be up if this is your meeting?” you complained.

Sofia hummed quietly, taking her hand off your thigh. Although she was frustrated and annoyed, she couldn’t help but smile at the attitude she had come to love. It’s a shame, really. Sofia was going to break you and you were clueless, but that’s what was going to be the best part about it.

The rest of the ride, Sofia held your hand, rubbing the back of it with her thumb gently. Her men took your stuff in and she led you into the mansion and up the stairs to her bedroom. You gave her a kiss, thankful that the loving girlfriend you’ve had for years was out and with you in her home.

“I have some towels in the bathroom if you’d like to take a shower tonight, I have a lot of shower gels and things you would like.” Sofia informed you. You nodded, making your way towards the bathroom - stopping yourself when you realized you had no clean clothes upstairs with you.

“I uh… my clothes are in boxes…” you began, earning a small smile from Sofia.

”Ah, yes.” Sofia got up from her spot on the edge of the bed. “Let me go get you some of your stuff, you can shower now and they’ll be out on our bed when you get down.”

Our.

You smiled at that, rushing to give her a kiss before heading into the bathroom. Although she had been gone for ten years for a crime she didn’t commit, it felt as if the two of you had never been apart.

You took a rather long shower, enjoying the hot water without having to change the settings every few minutes. You were definitely going to get used to it. After you were done, you turned off the shower and got out. You were quick to dry yourself off and to your surprise, Sofia was putting all your clothes in drawers you had assumed to be ones she cleaned out just for you.

“Th- Thank you, you didn’t have to do that for me.” You said, grabbing the clothes off the bed. You got dressed, sitting down on the bed as you watched Sofia put more of your stuff away.

”Oh but I do,” Sofia said, focusing on putting your stuff away. “You stuck by my side this whole time when you could have easily left.”

You bit your lip, feeling a little guilty. You hated having her spend so much on you, especially when this was only her second day out of Arkham. You loved her so much and all you really wanted was to spend time with her to make up for the times she couldn’t hold you or just be around you.

”After my meeting with Oz, I think it would be fun if I take you to the store and you can get whatever you want.” Sofia suggested, changing the subject.

“I- you don’t have to do that, I promise.” You said, but she glared at you.

”Will you stop doing that? You and I haven’t been able to do anything together since we started dating and if I want to spoil you, I will.” She snapped.

”I’m sorry,” you began. “I don’t… I just feel bad, plus, I’ve got work at ten in the morning…”

“At that grocery store that you hate so much? Absolutely not, you’re going to call and quit before my meeting. You won’t be needing a job, not when I’m out and able to take care of you.” Sofia stated, but you sighed.

She was right - you hated your job so much, but it paid your bills and it gave you something to do. Sofia could take care of you but you wanted to still work, having been there for a full five years now, you got used to how shitty the job was. You sat in silence as you watched her put more of your stuff away, yawning as you started to get tired.

“You can lay down if you’d like, I’m almost finished with most of your clothes and I can finish the rest of it tomorrow.” She stated.

You nodded, moving off the edge of the bed and you got under the covers. You whimpered, her bed was softer than yours was.

“I love you,” you sighed as you allowed sleep to take over.

You woke up to an empty bed, stretching before you slowly got out of the bed. You were surprised to find a box on the end of the bed with a note that read: Wear this today, I had it ordered for you a while ago.

You took a long shower, not wanting to have to quit your job so you decided to buy yourself some time. Finally, you got out and dressed in the outfit she had wanted you to wear. A skirt so short if you bent down, everything would be on display.

You made your way down the stairs slowly, shifting uncomfortably as you held your skirt down. You were greeted by Sofia in the kitchen, where she was cooking food. She smiled at you, signaling for you to come sit down. You sat down, squeezing your legs shut as the skirt rose up too high for your liking.

“I see you saw the gift I left you upstairs,” she smiled. “You look so good in it and honestly if I didn’t have this meeting, I would take you right here.”

You whimper, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. Sofia noticed quickly, biting her lip as she continued to cook the breakfast she was making.

“But I want to respect your wishes, so our first time in a long time will be in our bed.” Sofia hummed, taking a sip of her wine. You were confused, remembering that she had been touching you in the car the night before - but you excused it, thinking that she just wanted to play with you a bit. You weren’t going to question her, not after last night - the last thing you needed was for her to ignore you for hours again.

You couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “Wine this early in the morning?”

“If you were having to deal with Oz this early in the morning, you’d drink too.” she smiled, putting food onto your plate. “Now eat up, we have a long day ahead of us.”

You ate the food quickly, not realizing that you were hungry until the food had been in front of you. You drank some of the orange juice she had put out for you - Sofia was an excellent cook and you knew you could get used to this.

“You ready, love?” Sofia asked.

You nodded, wiping your face before the two of you headed to her car. Her driver was already waiting and as soon as you got in and buckled up, he pulled away. The ride was quiet, but Sofia continued to move her hand up your thigh. You stopped yourself from pulling away, remembering how she acted when you did it the night before.

When they stopped at the restaurant, Sofia got out and told you to stay with her driver. You sighed, pulling out your phone to call your job. You quickly told them that you were sick and you wouldn’t be able to come in today - thankful that you barely called off to begin with so they never gave you shit for it. Her driver looked at you through the mirror and you began to panic.

“Please don't tell her,” you begged. “I really enjoy my job at the end of the day.”

Her driver stayed quiet as the two of you sat there and waited for her to get done. You were growing impatient, wishing that you could have gone to work with how long this was taking. Scrolling through your phone was beginning to get boring and all you wanted to do was keep yourself busy. You closed your eyes, deciding to take a nap to kill time.

You woke up as a door was slammed shut, causing you to jump up. Sofia was silent and you could tell things didn’t go as planned. You placed your hand on top of the one that was closer to you, causing her to flinch.

“Take us to the store, I need to get a few things.” Sofia stated and her driver nodded.

You looked out the window, watching as the buildings and people passed by. You were too busy to notice Sofia was staring at you, refusing to take her eyes off you. The store was bigger than the grocery store you worked at and the two of you made your way into the store.

“Ya know how you talked about how much you like to collect stuffed animals?” Sofia pointed out, letting you grab a cart and push it.

“Yeah?”

Sofia smiled, looking down at your ass as she walked behind you. “I’m gonna buy you one today, you can pick it out and if you want anything else you can get it. Food, electronics, anything you want I’ll get it for you.”

You led the way to find the toy section, finding the stuffed animals quickly. You had told her about your stuffed animal collection a month into dating her, and it made you happy with how she remembered it all these years ago. You looked over your options, wanting to pick one that you planned on cuddling with every night with Sofia.

“There’s so many options to choose from,” you smiled. “But this puppy, the black one, is the cutest.”

“Yeah? Is that the one you want, baby?” Sofia questioned, “Are you sure you want the puppy?”

“Yes I’m sure, Sof,” you nodded. You were a little confused as to why she was questioning you so much about it. But you placed him in the cart, pushing it towards the electronics. “Is it okay if I get a laptop? I… nevermind, it’s too much to ask for.”

Sofia stopped you, pulling the waistband of your skirt, causing you to cry out. She let go of it, smirking at the way it snapped against your skin. “You can get whatever you want, nothing is off limits. You want a laptop? We’ll get you the best one. What were you about to say after that?” she asked.

“A… a gaming system. I know it’s silly, but-“ you began, but she cut you off.

“It’s not silly, whatever system you want we’ll get you and as many games as you want.” Sofia said, her tone voice was tight and you could tell she was getting frustrated with you.

“Okay… and snacks and that’s all for now.” You said.

Sofia nodded and the rest of the trip went in a blur and when you heard the total of how much everything was, you felt nauseous. She just handed the person her card and as soon as she got it back, the two of you left the store just as her driver pulled up. You got in with her as he put the bags in the trunk.

Once the two of you were back at her mansion and her driver brought all the bags to her room, she watched you set up your new gaming system to her TV. You were excited to play, never having enough money to even buy a game console after all your bills. You turned to Sofia, watching as she poured herself a glass of wine.

“Thank- Thank you so much, Sof, I really appreciate all of this.” you said, moving away from the TV to sit next to her.

Sofia sat her glass down and pulled out a cigarette. She lit it before she placed her hand on your thigh.

“Go get your stuffed animal, let’s pick out a name for it.” Sofia smiled, and you got up to grab it.

You brought it over to her, sitting back down and placing it on your lap. You smiled down at it and in that moment, Sofia wanted to ruin you but she had to hold off just a bit longer.

“I like the name George.” you commented.

Sofia took the cigarette out of her mouth and blew smoke in your face. “That’s a cute name, I like it.”

Sofia put her cigarette out, and put it on the ashtray before leaning in to kiss your neck. You whimpered, setting the stuffed animal down on the floor as she pulled your shirt off you. Sofia threw it across the room, laughing at the shy look on your face.

“I… wait-“ you began, but Sofia continued.

She unclasped your bra, slowly pulling it off you. Sofia frowned as you covered yourself up and without a word, she stood up and walked into her closet. You sat there, wondering what she was doing until she came out. She hadn’t changed, but before you could ask what she was doing, she pulled out one of the guns you knew she owned.

“I’m so sick of you acting so repulsed by me,” Sofia snapped. “All I’ve wanted to do since being back from Arkham is fuck you and you can’t even fucking let me.”

“Wait- Wait, Sof… I haven’t been acting like that. Honest!” you began. “I- I just want to spend some time with you before we… you know…”

“Fuck?” Sofia finished your sentence for you.

“Sofia,” you began, holding yourself. “You can’t… Please just put the gun down.”

Sofia shook her head - getting closer towards you. “Take the rest of your clothes off. Now.”

You were left with no choice - standing up off the bed and as you began to pull the skirt down. You kept your eyes on her as you kicked it off, but before you could pull your underwear off, Sofia got closer to you. She forcibly turned you around and bent you over the edge of the bed.

Sofia put the tip of the gun to the back of your head as you were trying to wiggle out of her grip. You began to shake uncontrollably as you felt her take the safety off. “Why shouldn’t I just get it over with and kill you right now?” she asked, rubbing your ass through your underwear.

“B- Because you love me, please don’t, Sof. Please don’t kill me.” you begged as Sofia moved so she had a knee on your lower back to hold you down. She dug her knee into you hard, causing you to cry out.

Sofia brought her free hand down against your ass not once, but twice before she spoke up again. She was frustrated, huffing at how much you were shaking. “Can you stop fucking shaking for a few fucking minutes? Fuckin’ hell.”

“Please stop,” you cried out, but she pushed the gun against you harder. “Please… I- I- why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I want to hurt you, baby, you’re so fucking pretty and it makes me want to hurt you.” Sofia admitted. “Ever since I got out yesterday and seeing you in person to where I can reach out and touch you, I’ve had this need to ruin you.”

Sofia grabbed your underwear by the waistband and ripped them completely off you. You whimpered, trying to wiggle out of her grip once more.

“Stop fucking moving, now.” she snapped, getting off you. “You’re making it so much harder for me to not hurt you.”

Sofia kept the gun focused on you as she walked around the bed to grab your stuffed animal. She licked her lips at the sight of your ass, making a mental note to fuck you there eventually.

“Lay on your back and spread your legs.” Sofia commanded.

You knew that she still had the gun pointed at you, so you had no choice but to do as you were told. You turned to lay on your back, slowly opening your legs. You felt your face heat up as you watched her gaze go from your face down to your pussy. Sofia licked her lips before shoving the stuffed animal at you.

“Hold him, baby.” Sofia said, voice laced with fake sympathy. “Hold George while I hurt you.”

You grabbed the stuffed animal out of her hands, holding it hard against your chest as you watched her pull her shirt off with one hand. She was still pointing her gun at you, but thankfully she placed it down on the bed next to you. Sofia pulled her pants down, revealing a strapon that you weren’t sure how long she had been wearing it.

“Spread your legs further for me.” she instructed, grabbing her pack of cigarettes. She took one out of the package and brought it to her lips. Sofia lit it, but before you knew it, she pushed it onto your stomach, causing you to scream out. “That’s my good girl.”

You cried harder, squeezing George as hard as you could. Sofia lit the same cigarette once more, this time putting it out on your pubic bone. You screamed louder and if you weren’t in so much pain, you would think she just came with the way she was out of breath.

“Fuck, you sound so pretty while you scream.” Sofia moaned. “Can you give me one more?”

“Please no, Mommy,” you begged, but your voice was weak. You bit down on George’s ear, preparing yourself as she lit the cigarette again.

Sofia leaned in, bringing the cigarette down onto the part of your chest that George wasn’t covering. She smiled down at you as you screamed, the noises muffled by your new stuffed animal.

Sofia sat up, pulling you closer to the edge of the bed. She spat on your pussy, rubbing it in with the tip of the strapon before slamming all the way into you. You cried out, squeezing George as hard as you could as she started to fuck you at a brutal pace.

She grabbed you by the jaw, forcing you to look at her while her other hand pushed your leg up. She spat in your face, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut. Releasing your face, she grabbed George out of your grip.

“Please, please give him back, Mommy,” you begged, causing Sofia to laugh.

“Then you better keep your eyes open while I rape you then.” she said, allowing you to grab George from her hand.

You held him even tighter, not wanting her to try and take him away as you fought to keep your eyes open. You watched as she looked down at your pussy as she continued to fuck you. You tried to think of anything other than her taking what she wanted and it was beginning to work. You stared at her, but all you could think about was you on a vacation, far away from Gotham. The sand felt good on your skin as you sat down to watch the waves of the ocean. Before you could think about it any more, Sofia slapped you across the face as hard as she could.

“Oh Puppy,” she hummed, causing your eyes to widen at the nickname. “You don’t get to leave while I’m fucking you.”

“Please just stop,” you begged, but your words were weak. “I’ll do anything just l stop it.”

”Stop it.” Sofia mocked. “You don’t get to tell me to stop, Pup.”

You shook your head, “Stop- Stop calling me that.”

Sofia pouted, faux sympathy, “What? ‘Puppy’ is your name now, you picked it.”

Before you could say anything in response, Sofia pulled out of you quickly, forcing you on to your hands and knees. Sofia lined up with your entrance, this time taking her time pushing into you. Finally she pushed the full length of the strapon into - rubbing the small of your back before she grabbed George from the side of you. Handing you the stuffed animal without a word, Sofia began to fuck you at rough pace. With this angle, it was painful and you tried your best to hold yourself.

You pulled away a little and Sofia grabbed your hips roughly, not allowing you to run away.

“You don’t run away from my cock while I’m fucking you, Puppy.” she scolded you, reaching down and shoving your face into the bed. Sofia held you down in place, reaching down with one of her hands to rub at your clit. “Tell Mommy how much you love being used like this.”

When you didn’t answer, Sofia pinched your clit harder than she did the night before. You whimpered into your stuffed animal - unable to cry anymore with how much you had.

“I don’t like this.” you stated.

To your surprise, Sofia let go of your clit. She pulled out of you, and you turned around and sat up. You took a few deep breaths, wiping your face as you held onto George. Sofia stood in front of you, awkwardly standing in place as she kept her eyes trained on you.

“You don’t like when I rape you?” Sofia questioned with a frown. “If you don’t, then why are you so wet? Spread your legs, now.”

You bit your lip, slowly opening your legs knowing that Sofia wasn’t giving you an option - you also didn’t want her to pick her gun back up.

“That’s a good pup,” she praised, making your stomach turn. You looked down at George, biting your lip before you looked at Sofia. “Such a naive thing…”

Sofia got closer, bringing her hand to your pussy. She rubbed your clit with the palm of her hand, humming at how wet you were. You whined as she took her hand off your pussy, but she brought it down hard against you. You instinctively tried to close your legs but Sofia held them open. She continued to spank your pussy, over and over, causing you to cry out.

“Am I hurting you, Puppy?” Sofia asked, closing her fist and hitting you as hard as she could. “Answer me.”

You nodded, “Y-Yes, Mommy. Please stop-“

Sofia shook her head, “No, you didn’t like me fucking you even though you’re so fucking wet. So I’m going to really hurt you.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as she raked her nails against your thigh hard. You stayed still, too exhausted to really fight back. You sniffled, “Please… I’ll- I’ll let you…”

“You’ll let me what?” Sofia asked, reaching up to slap you across the face. “You’ll let me what, Puppy?”

When you didn’t answer right away, Sofia wrapped her hand around your throat, squeezing as hard as she could. She only let up just as you started seeing stars, smiling as you gasped for breath. Her eyes went wild as she watched you, taking in the sight of you gasping for air.

“Tell me what you’ll let me do.” Sofia repeated, pinching your nipple before bringing her hand down to your pussy. She rubbed at your sore clit, her movements softer than what you expected her to do.

“R- Rape me,” you whispered. “Please… just please stop hitting me, Mommy. I can’t take any more of it.”

“Oh baby, “ Sofia sighed, gripping the base of the toy. She pushed in all the way. “Then that’s not rape, Puppy... This isn’t rape, you’re so wet that I slid in so easily and you just asked me to do it.”

Sofia decided that she had dragged this all out, she began to fuck you harder. She held your legs open, watching the toy go in and out of you. You knew that you were going to have bruises tomorrow from how hard she was holding them down. Your body began to betray you, getting closer to the edge as she continued the pace. She let go of one of your thighs to rub your clit roughly, bringing her attention to your face. Sofia smirked - normally she would stop when you had your eyes closed, but you looked too good for her to stop.

“You want to cum while Mommy’s raping this pretty little pussy?” Sofia questioned, bringing her free hand up to your neck. She just held you in place, not putting any pressure on you. “Ask nicely and Mommy’ll let you cum.”

You held onto George harder, realizing that you couldn’t hold out for much longer. You whimpered, “Please can I cum? Please, please! M’can’t hold it anymore, Mommy.”

Sofia chuckled, placing her hands on either side of you as she fucked you harder. “Go on, cum on Mommy’s cock like a good fuckin’ girl.”

You came silently, squeezing your eyes shut as you brought George up to your face. Sofia watched you do it as she fucked you through your orgasm.

“Such a good little Puppy for your Mommy.” Sofia praised, stilling her movements once you came down from your high. She leaned down, kissing your neck before placing a gentle kiss on your cheek. “Mommy only wants to make you feel so good… Will you behave next time and let me make you feel good?”

You nodded, whimpering as she pulled out of you.

“Good girl.” Sofia hummed. “I think for the next time I fuck you, I’m going to get you such a pretty collar. Would you like that, Puppy? Would you like Mommy to spoil you again?”

You were too exhausted to speak up, humming as she got off the bed. You heard Sofia drop the strapon to the floor, making a comment about how she’ll clean it tomorrow. She helped you to your feet, leading you towards the bathroom.

“Going to get you all nice and cleaned up, Pup.” she commented, grabbing George out of your hand gently. “I’m gonna put him up on the dresser, okay? He’s only for our special occasions.”

You nodded, watching as she let go of you to put George on the dresser before she brought you into the bathroom. Sofia cleaned you up and before you could go and grab some clothes to sleep in, she stopped you.

“Silly Puppy,” she smiled. “Puppies don’t wear clothes.”

[quinnverse]

"Have you lost function of your eyelids, too? Just close them, you imbecile!" She spat, resisting the urge to toss one of the pillows on her bed at him. For such a seemingly smart man, he had a knack for being dense, and primarily around her. If she wasn't in such a compromising position, she might've relished in the fact that she unnerved him so much. Throwing a man off-kilter was a win to some degree, but not when it meant he wandered into her bedchamber unannounced.

I'm not the one who left my damned door unlocked! Her fingers curled into fists as the temptation to hurl something larger at him swelled in side her.

“Oh, forgive me for leaving my own damn bedroom door unlocked in my own damn house!" Forgetting herself for a second, Emma allowed her voice to rise until she heard the timbre echo within the walls of her room. When this day was over, she would make sure her father knew his time needed to be up soon. She couldn't tolerate sharing a roof with John Bolton any longer.

Such thoughts had been plaguing her enough over the past few days that she'd even gone ahead and penned a letter to her cousins, to tell them she might be visiting again sooner rather than later. Her aunt wouldn't mind, not when Emma's presence usually managed to keep both Ned and Belle in check--somewhat. Emma hadn't gotten around to sending it yet, the mere presence of the letter laying flatly on her writing desk was enough to quell the irritation for now.

But that had been before he'd traipsed into her room while she was changing. Before he had kissed her in the barn, and gotten upset with her for flirting with his friend. Their embarrassing encounters only seemed to multiply by the day and she found herself wishing for a messenger pigeon or anything to deliver her message across the pond as quickly as possible. She couldn't stand being around him any longer.

“I did not ask you to kiss me, you swine. There was no invitation.” She grumbled. There had certainly been a hope, but no invitation. Even so, she hadn't pushed him away quite quickly enough to hide her enjoyment of it. If she hadn't come to her senses when she did, Emma couldn't be sure how far she would've let him go before she realized the severity of the situation. Especially when he was confessing things to her that no average woman should hear, let alone want to hear. But Emma never claimed to be a normal woman. "Besides, we both know I, of all people, would not be so quick to consider you an intellectual."

After a moment, she let out a frustrated groan. It would be easier to grab her dirtied chemise off the floor just to save her pride, but Emma knew it would never be that easy. He had already embarrassed her and she wasn't about to let him get away unscathed. Even if it was at the cost of her own sanity, she'd make him pay for this.

“My wardrobe…” She began, her arms clutching tighter around her torso. “It’s by the door. Your eyes clearly aren’t in working order so I wouldn’t expect you to notice. But…” She couldn’t believe this was happening, that this was the way she was going about things. At this point, she'd be better off inviting him into her bed instead of tormenting the both of them, but she pressed on.

“May you please fetch a chemise for me? Or anything, really. A damned blanket would suffice right now.” She waited until he turned away again, watching him like she were a cornered animal and he were the enemy. Before she could think better of it, she felt her lips open and a childish mumble tumbled out.

“You could at least pretend you came for something more. It would, at the very least, make the embarrassment would be worth something.”

“But I suppose this makes us even. Truly even. I’ve seen you without a shirt and now, begrudgingly, you’ve seen me without one. Both circumstances, might I remind you, were your doing. For someone who refuses invitations so adamantly, you're certainly determined to have one of us give in to temptation. It's like you’re trying to make me seem like a harlot.”

Emma's seething request to shut the door took Benjamin off-guard, and glancing over his shoulder, he sucked a breath once he noted the blatant view of the hall. How in God's name had he forgotten the bloody door?!

"I...I-I can't get up without seeing you!" he bit back, concerned she might immediately start lobbing projectiles at him again. Nevertheless, with an awkward shuffle, he remained on his hands and knees and skittered back toward the door, his right leg extending before he nudged it shut.

“What the devils is wrong with you?” Emma snarled.

Still refusing to lift his head, lest he see what she was so clearly trying to conceal, Benjamin growled toward the floorboards, "Me? I'm not the one who left my damned door unlocked! I thought this was my bedroom!"

Emma remained unconvinced. “Was accosting me in the barn not enough for you? Now you have to invade my bedroom while I’m undressing?”

He scoffed, lifting his head enough to see her fiery gaze. "You did not seem accosted in that barn," he volleyed. "Most intellectuals would call what you gave an invitation."

That seemed to jolt through Emma akin to a livewire. She balled her fists and snarled, “If you’re here to take up my previous offer, I regret to inform you that the invitation has since expired. And I would’ve at the very least appreciated a bloody knock. A few moments later and you would've bore witness to far more than you deserve.”

"I told you: I thought this was my room!" Benjamin exclaimed, exasperated. "And I am not here for your so-called offer, so you can get off your bloody high horse! Is the fact I'm on my hands and knees not proof enough?"

Wishing she would grab her damnable chemise -- why did she persist in remaining half-dressed?! -- Benjamin ducked his face down into his palms and groaned. "If you would just re-clothe yourself, I could get up and leave," he coolly reminded her. "You're making this far more difficult than it has to be -- I didn't come here for you!"

He'd certainly wound up in the wrong room because of her, absolutely -- he was wholly frazzled after their afternoon gone wrong, and he was embarrassed from his lewd confession in the barn -- so much so that he'd somehow walked right past his own quarters, and stumbled into the proverbial lion's den.

"I don't care if you believe me," Benjamin spoke again. "And although I did not behave as a gentleman this afternoon, that doesn't mean I haven't come to my senses now!"

He certainly wouldn't be making this mistake again any time soon...

[thesamoanqueen]

Anatomy of an affair III

A/N: It's been a while, but finally here is the last chapter of this mini series. I had planned another scene, but in the end that's what matters is all here for my protagonist. I hope you will appreciate it and as always, dedicated to Aly

The ride to the campus had been an agony, a coupon for anxiety and the beginning of a heart or panic attack, the line between the two was confusing to me in that moment. Not because he was a bad driver, not because of the music we had been listening to on the half-empty streets of the city. It had been his presence and the thoughts that had suddenly started piling up in my head, partly thanks to the alcohol, partly because he was extraordinarily handsome. I had tried to look casual in his expensive car, but my act had ended with the first movement of his hand towards me… well, it hadn’t gone exactly like that, he had adjusted the heating, but my hormones had thought otherwise.

He had no comment about my flinch, making instead small talk, but he had grinned. A smug grin, satisfied with the power he had over me, imperceptible in the dim light of the car, the corner of his perfect lips barely lifting. I might be almost completely gone, but I wasn’t suffering from hallucinations, I was sure I had seen him, as I was sure of the game we had started from then on. The movements had become more frequent even if seemingly random, his voice lower and deeper as he asked me what I had done in my free time, without him… and although I had tried to keep calm, his scent so strong in the small space had made my stomach flutter. Between a glance out the window and at the clutch bag on my closed legs, I had glanced at his sculpted profile, his arms where muscles jumped out for the smallest gestures, the impeccable dark beard that left a shadow on the exposed neck on which my eyes lingered, making me wonder what it would be like… our eyes had met almost by chance during that ride and I had felt his slide over me, discreet but not innocent and inside me every certainty had begun to melt like a biscuit soaked in milk.

Tobert was the biggest piece of shit to ever walk out of a bathroom. He had hurt me like no one before, stepping on my trust, my intelligence, and years of life together for cheap affairs. Finding out it had helped me realize I had been babysitting a dead-end relationship, that I was in love with an idea instilled by our families and his insecurities, but it had also made me realize I could do without it and that I was better, yet I found myself falling for someone else.

How could I really be better than Tobert if I was thinking to spread my legs to someone I shouldn’t even be looking at? Yep, I had my needs like every woman and yes, Tobert had never had this effect to me in his most glorious and devoted five minutes, but was I justified? My friends’ answer would have been an absolute yeah. It was the same answer my body was screaming, for revenge and more, but it was such a crazy possibility! And I was really listing pros and cons as if I had to choose? Maybe Roman wasn’t even considering it, maybe we weren’t even flirting or were we?

- “Here we go”– his voice made my head snap from him to the car window, almost tearing some muscles to realize I hadn’t even noticed where we were.

Thank goodness he wasn’t a serial killer or I would have already been in pieces.

The car was stopped on the driveway in front of his apartment, I had asked to walk to mine to recover a bit and it had been the only smart idea of the night. At that hour there was no one around and plus it was the weekend, almost all the students were out. I watched him get out of the car and sighed, trying to calm down once and for all and prepare to say goodbye to him to go and bury myself in my bed with what was left of my dignity. I had let my thoughts run wild more than necessary as usual. Thoughts that jumped to attention again when I heard him open the door to let me out, a hand offering me help like a perfect gentleman. And I wanted to get angry at that umpteenth free lesson on how a man should behave, but I accepted, swallowing dryly as he rubbed his thumb over my fingers before releasing them. The air was cold against my cheeks, yet I felt everything in me burning, as I was standing between him and the car, unable to do anything but watch him stare at me as if every secret of mine was written on my face.

- “Are you sure you want to walk all the way there?” – he asked me attentive and I shrugged with a confidence that was ridiculous at that moment.

- “I didn’t drink that much” – I said and it was true, but I still ended up mumbling the last word as I saw him grinning once again, his brown eyes pinning me, studying me and…

- “Good girl”

There was something in the way he said it, in the way he spoke to me and swallowed me into his orbit, something I had never experienced and that terrified and electrified me at the same time. An attraction so strong it reduced me to a trance of silence and pushed me to take a step forward, throwing away everything I had repeated to myself, to close the distance between us and place my lips on his in a messy kiss of pure need. Roman didn’t even move and I widened my eyes, terrified after just a second, wishing an unknown illness would strike me in that moment to put an end to the shame that was suddenly destroying me.

What had I done?! What the fuck I was thinking? How could I?! How was I going to get out of this now?!

- “I-I “– and it was the only understandable sound I made because I had forgotten how to speak.

I wanted to blame it on the alcohol, on the emotional trauma, on someone, on something, but the truth is I had always been tempted and I wanted it. I wanted to try, to let go, to feel those electric shivers run through me like when he looked at me like that… exactly like he was looking at me now… Fuck.

- “Not here. Let's go inside.”

- “Huh?!” – I squeaked with wide eyes.

Did he want to let me go inside to yell at me or…

The answer was clear to me when after locking the car, his hand found me again, resting on my back, to push me forward, his dangerous grin on his lips again.

***

Entering his apartment at that hour had been a strange experience. It was a place I knew, where I felt comfortable by now and where I had therefore avoided staying longer than necessary perhaps knowing that it would be all it took to push me to give in completely. And it had really been like that, because even though he hadn't rushed anything, asking several times if I really wasn't drunk and if I was sure I wanted it, a caress was enough to make me melt between his fingers. Literally.

My mind had turned off feeling the heat of his body against mine, while he lifted me on the table where I had spent days checking notes and lessons. For the first time in my entire life I was really understanding what it was like to desire someone, the suffocating need to feel his fingertips caress my thighs, his eyes stripping me of all inhibitions, giving in to strangled moans just at the touch of his breath on my throat. I had clung to the wood with my nails, like a castaway in the middle of a storm and he had blown sweet words into my ears to relax me, before really kissing me and filling my mouth with his hypnotic flavor. And with the movement of his tongue on mine, the anxiety of finding myself in the arms of someone who wasn’t Tobert, who I hadn’t shared my whole life with, but who unlike him was reading my body like never before, had gone away.

It was something so forbidden, almost dangerous, and yet it had the flavor of all my desires.

Without haste he had let me get used to him between one kiss and another, until, gasping, unable to stay still, my hands had left the table to cling to his broad shoulders, exploring, climbing up along his neck to insinuate themselves in his dark hair that I had always wanted to touch and then on the solid muscles that jumped under his shirt. His moans of approval in my mouth had encouraged me, I had felt powerful and desired, the undisputed protagonist of his attentions and the desire in me had grown. I wasn't used to that kind of foreplay, I wasn't used to feeling my body sweat from a caress or tremble from a bite, it was a visceral and frenetic sensation. His every gesture, growl and whisper, slid along my back, on my chest and further down between my legs, where he had made space with disarming nonchalance and where his hands were finally enjoying the luxury of exploring. I would have worn the lingerie I bought before closing my market if I had known where that night would take me, but he didn’t seem to care and even in the darkness, I could see his eyes, his profile giving me shivers, as he pulled me closer and his thumb rubbed the fabric. The contact made me arch my back, pant and his smirk lit up the room, arrogant and satisfied, before rubbing again to play with the wetness I couldn’t hold back. I was a mess, like I had never been even after I was done, a puddle between his fingers that freed me of every block to sink into my honey tracing the entrance and walls, before brushing my sweet button. A few gestures and I began to tremble, trying in vain to hold back my moans as I felt him work me without squalid attempts to be more than what he was: perfect.

Right rhythm, right movement of wrist and his wet kisses, along my neck, on my lips, his teeth biting amused at my failed attempts to stay in control. I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to say my name if he had asked, I was almost on the verge of begging for mercy without having done anything yet, but when he moved away from me to sit on a chair between my legs I almost let out a sigh of relief.

I had never been a fan of oral sex when it was Tobert who did it and it rarely happened, but I would have had time to catch my breath, calm the mad rush of my heart and not seem so desperate to come only on his fingers… oh how wrong I was! My body trembled with a jolt at the first touch of his breath on my entrance and when his tongue tasted my lower lips up to the sensitive button, I really couldn’t hold back a curse.

- “Gawd damn!” – his raspy laugh echoed on my body, sending shivers down my spine, while he smugly adjusted my thighs, pulling them up to his shoulders without the slightest hesitation and not showing any signs of moving.

- “You taste better than I thought watching you work…” – the comment itself was already obscene enough, hearing it from him and when I felt like I was at a gynecological exam, made me stand up on my elbows.

He had imagined what while I was his assistant?! There? In the office? In class?!

- “Savannah calm down, breath, there is no reason to hold back here and now… don't make that face, consider it a private lesson” – he added, returning immediately to work, but if his idea to relax me was to remind me what kind of relationship we should have then it was a terrible plan.

- “It's not funny-ahn!”

His mouth on my most sensitive part devoured away everything my mind was about to complain about, as well as the rest of my protests and my dumb belief about control, extorting instead a moan from me I could not have stopped even if I wanted to. I felt his tongue trace every fold with indecent agility and then slide inside my channel, fat enough to make me tremble as he mixed my juices with his saliva, then sucked them away between his teeth with a sound that I would never forget.

- “If it’s not fun, I need to try harder then” – he murmured seriously, licking his lips and then placing a kiss on my button and I let myself fall on the table with a shiver, my body on fire.

I was perfectly aware of what he was doing, it was the how that left me breathless. The sensations I was feeling were almost unknown to me, all together, intense, powerful, unstoppable, it was pathetic to admit, but his skills proved me that in my life I had never been fucked well and what I had missed! I wanted so much to curse, I knew I should be angry for having been deprived of such a pleasure, but in that moment, legs spread wide on the table of an apartment where I shouldn’t have been, writhing between the expert movements of Roman’s lips as he ate me and the gurgles of appreciation with which he echoed my moans, I couldn’t remember who to blame. Staring at the above me, while a liquid and burning pleasure grew in my belly, I was unable to focus on anyone else but the perfect man who was sucking my button mercilessly, his hands on my body, the way he caressed me without giving me any break and his beard tickling my skin. That beard I had run my fingers over to kiss him, dark like his eyes as soon as I had agreed to stay and finally it was him who had come forward. I felt fragile and powerful like a bomb ready to explode in the silence of our secret, in my chest I felt a crack creaking with every labored breath, my body vibrating sweaty under his fingertips and that sensation of absolute oblivion sucking me mercilessly into his vortex.

- “R-Roman…” - gasping, my own fingers running over my throat where my breath struggled turning into strangled moans, I didn't even recognize my own voice.

But I clung to his guttural and hoarse “hum” breathed between my thighs, in the liquid folds of my center, the intensity of his adorable attacks along with the movements of my body to help him ruin me, satiating his thirst and my desire. A vortex of endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin out of control, blood replaced by the desire to have more, to feel more, a disorderly race towards that peak that flashed before my eyes on the ceiling of his apartment. I had the impression of climbing and falling at the same time, supported only by his arm under my ass, his heat so burning. I searched in the dark, my breasts, the table, until I found his hair and squeezed. Roman growled, murmuring something between my soaked folds, before sliding three fingers inside me, focusing with his tongue on my clit. He was so damn good and in the warm safety of his touch I felt my heart explode, my lungs, the crack in my chest finally open, my skin tremble in the fever of pleasure. I wanted to scream but my voice died the moment I reached my climax, leaving me gasping, my back arched, my fingers in his hair and my eyes closed now.

- “Sssh… like that�� just like that…” - a whisper in the darkness of our affair, his irresistible voice still guiding me, while his fingers never stopped helping me with my burning need, riding the wave of oblivion, kisses on my thighs to encourage me.

It was what I had always deserved. What I needed and had instead buried with a sense of responsibility and the facade of being the bigger person. A life wasted in pleasing, when I should have been revered and pleased like in that moment. It was a bittersweet awareness that gave me a rush of anger, brought on by the post-coitus lucidity, but I no longer felt like wasting my time thinking about my misfortunes. I preferred to focus on the hunk of a man who had just stood up, looking straight at me as he licked my juices off his fingers.

Yeah! Thanks godness!

***

My wake up had been… more than one. The first time I had opened my eyes when it was still dark, twisted between the cozy sheets of his bed, probably after drooling on him. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure considering the multiple secretions we had happily exchanged, but there was a good chance. Remembering the many movies I had seen, I had tried to disappear into the darkness to play my part as a mature and emancipated woman, but he had put me back in my place with a firm “no” before even leaving the bed and when I tried to reply he had preferred to silence me with something else… I hadn’t complained. It had been such a good idea!

The second time he had been the one to wake me up. It was morning by now, but he had tried to be quiet anyway, telling me I could stay while he took a shower. Temptation had overcome me, I had tried, a few hours of sleep and all that physical activity were too much if you already had a shitty routine, but after turning over a couple of times I had decided it wasn’t the case. Picking up what I had there, I had gone back downstairs, remaining frozen for a moment staring at the table.

My panties were still on it. It was the kind of stuff you tell your grandchildren when you’re old.

It had been a crazy adventure and I probably would never be able to work in that apartment again now that I was really regaining awareness of the situation or maybe I wouldn’t have had the chance anyway, but it had happened. Strangely enough, however, I didn’t feel any sense of panic or guilt, no anxiety, I felt numb but that was normal considering the night’s performance. What mattered was that I felt good, as if a huge weight had slipped off my shoulders and I could finally turn the page. I felt like a different woman, more confident, ready to start over, even putting last night’s underwear in the middle of the living room didn’t seem so terrible. The same couldn’t be said for the messages on my phone, however, when I finally retrieved it almost completely dead on the couch, where I had also left my bag along with the clothes he had taken off me. Shanice and Mya had probably located my phone, because they had both bombarded me with obscene memes, happy for me I guess, but for some reason Tobert was furious.

He was all over my dms. “What happened, huh? What’s your problem?!” he wrote. My problem… audacity was on sale. He remembered having a relationship when it was convenient for him, but since I hadn’t been there waiting for his crumbs I was problematic now. He even left a voicemail accusing me of ghosting him, I was shocked, wow… one of his chicks must have played him over the weekend or he was in trouble at his job, for playing the victim. I had always been his relief valve, even though for years I had thought it was about being there for him to support him, he had always used me to cover up his own shortcomings, but I wasn’t going to let him play with me anymore.

It had never been fun with him, I wasn’t going to give him opportunities like I was a non-profit anymore.

- “Your ex?” – Roman called back, coming to me with his hair still soaking wet from the shower.

I had hoped to be ready to leave, but he had been faster than me and watching him walk to the kitchen still half naked, I didn’t mind that much. It was a nice way to start the day. I preferred to focus on the dark lines of the tattoo on his back rather than arguing with a kid.

- “Technically we’re still together, he’s not man enough to leave me” – I muttered without thinking too much, busy looking him up and down, casually and calmly making coffee for both of us.

Two cups, two plates, even breakfast? Tobert had never made me breakfast, he forgot to order for me even when we were together, that’s why I was always the one getting takeout. I had wasted so much time babysitting him that I had completely ignored how I should have been treated.

Roman gave me a puzzled look and I realized that I had been talking too much as usual. It was something I did a lot when I was with him, apparently it had nothing to do with anxiety, but in this particular circumstance maybe it wouldn’t have been the best thing to say. My no longer relationship wasn’t exactly the topic to talk about in the morning with the man I had fucked and slept with. Nope.

- “I’ll do it” – I specified, but it sounded so much like a reassurance now. Was I reassuring him? Should I have? I mean, it had been just one night, there was nothing between us, right? That was how it usually was done… right? – “Not because I expect something between us, I mean, I don’t expect anything even if it was the first time I had done it… with someone other than my ex, not yet ex, not in general, but it doesn’t matter! I’m going to break up with him” – I finally felt silence, exasperated with myself.

I glimpsed a smile curling his lips before he turned his back to finish making breakfast, but not a single comment. Silently I acknowledged my inability to hold a non-awkward conversation with him and finished gathering my things, careful not to forget anything around. It was still early and most of the students would only be back in the afternoon to start the new week the following day, but there was always the possibility of meeting someone on the way out and rumors were absolutely to be avoided for both of us. I settled in as best I could, struggling with my bangs hopelessly open in front of the mirror for a couple of minutes, before realizing that Roman had already finished cooking our breakfast and was watching me, sitting on the same chair where he had eaten me hours before.

Pushing the memory away, I sat down too, mumbling a ‘thank you’ when he offered me the plate on which he had arranged scrambled eggs and what looked just like a french toast. Was there something he didn't know how to do? I was hoping for a lack, whatever, before I left and started over with my life, but no. Of course not. It was even good, dammit!

- “Why do you keep waiting?” - he asked curiously after a while, sipping his coffee with his usual slowness, while I tried not to empty my plate.

For a moment I was confused, I didn't expect it, we had met because of the idiot, but he had never asked even when I had brought up the subject to apologize, he had always listened and pretended nothing had happened. Well, we had kept it as professional as possible before the intensive crossfit session around his apartment, maybe it was the sudden intimacy of the morning breakfast or the bullshit about the first one-night stand I had said.

It was a reasonable question though. I wasn’t happy to answer, but I had asked myself the same thing during my mental monologues lately and I knew the answer.

- “I wanted to know how long he would lie to me” – I admitted, finishing my eggs with a bitter grimace.

- “He’s used to having you, his mind will never make him choose to break up if he can leave things as they are. It can go on forever, it’s basic psychology” – Roman replied unexpectedly, swallowing a bite of his french toast and I looked at him like he had grown another head.

I knew I had wasted time, years, with an idiot incapable of taking responsibility and giving value to me, there was no need to make a case out of it like in a lab. It was a little deeper than that from how I saw it in my head.

- “I thought there was more than that between me and him” - I specified salty.

- “That's not true”

- “What do you mean?!”

Was that his lack by any chance? Emotional insensitivity?!

He gave me an amused look for my reaction, taking all the time he needed to finish chewing and stretch on the chair still half naked before speaking again, a fact that distracted me quite a bit I had to admit and didn't help to give value to the strange conversation born out of nowhere we were having.

- “You wouldn't have let me touch you like that if there was anything else”

Shit.

Twice shit because he was also right.

It wasn't the kind of consideration I wanted to hear someone else make. I didn’t want to do it either, but as terribly embarrassing as it was to talk about it again when I hadn’t had time to change my underwear and pretend our affair was something I could handle without second thoughts, he had hit the nail on the head. And he had figured it out before I did, which automatically erased the supposed lack I had tried to pin on him by putting myself on the defensive. Who was I kidding, anyway? I had admitted that I had never done it with anyone else. Doing that kind of thing wasn’t like me. I wasn’t the most romantic woman in the world, but I had always had respect for my failed relationship. But my sacrifices and efforts had led to nothing but lies and disappointments for me, so in the end I had given up. I wouldn’t have done it if I had thought it was still worth it, if in my heart I had believed I could have a chance with Tobert. Finding solutions and treatments to impossible cases was every doctor’s dream, but sometimes the cases were lost and persisting was a useless waste of energy. My relationship was already in a vegetative state, it was over.

I had had an opportunity to move on, one that doesn't come along every day, I had grabbed it and I hadn't regretted it for a second because I had finally focused on what I wanted and not what I had to. Roman was right, I felt light because I had no guilt, my conscience was clear.

But it didn’t stop me from freaking out when another notification broke the silence that had fallen inside the apartment. We both knew who it was, me for sure, Roman was probably guessing it because he was staring at me with a raised eyebrow as if waiting for my reaction… which never came.

- “You’re procrastinating” – he noted, taking another sip of his coffee.

- “That’s not true”

- “You continue to put it off”

- “I’m considering the most appropriate way”

- “Are you afraid of a scene?”

- “Please! He just has to try!” – another notification.

What the-

- “He’s trying I think”

- “He has delusions of protagonism”

- “Going along with it doesn’t help in that case” – okay, that’s enough.

- “I’m not going along with it and I’m not procrastinating” – I pointed out, hastily typing a message, then exasperatedly dropping my phone in the middle of the table as proof – “Done? See?!”

Silence fell between us and I was sincerely satisfied that I had stopped that interrogation in which he was questioning me even though he knew by his own admission that I had already made my decision, but then it hit me. Lord… Seriously?! I didi t?! I had finally broken up with Tobert, with a not too long message, without looking back, I was free. Roman was looking at me with a pleased grin, I had the impression that there was also a bit of pride on his part in seeing me take control of the situation and finally decide for myself. My eyes went from him to my phone that had suddenly stopped vibrating and another kind of silence enveloped me, the same one I had lulled myself into when I woke up. It was over. I had managed to completely cut that thread that had kept me tied by the neck to the past. It hadn't been the kindest way, but not even the one who was supposed to love me had had that kind of kindness with me. Mine hadn't been revenge, even though he would have deserved more than a punch in the face for how he had treated me, I had turned the page, I had done it for myself, now I could really move on. It felt so liberating.

Why had I waited?!

I instinctively turned to look at Roman again as he stood up with his cup, perhaps to get more coffee, that smile of someone who knows, plastered across his face.

- “Better?” - he asked and I relaxed my shoulders, resigning myself to having been tricked by another man, but for my own good this time.

- “I guess a thank you is needed” - his smile slowly turned into a smirk as he looked me over and over and my mind completely detached from the rest, to focus on him once again like the night before.

- “I’ll take it, but I would take something else too, maybe…”

A new day, a new life for a new me. It didn’t sound bad at all, not at all considering Roman’s proposal. It certainly sounded better than all the lies and dirty videos I had been replaying in my head over and over trying to find a reason. I wasn’t interested in finding out, I wasn’t interested in fixing what had been broken from the start and on which I had wasted so much energy. I’d rather spend it improving my life and what better way than another private anatomy lesson?

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[draco-dormiens]

FOR ALL THAT IS RIGHT AND JUST - Chp. 1

auror!draco x auror!fem!slytherin reader / post-war au

a/n: sorry about my inconsistent ass. i'm hoping you enjoy this first chapter after i changed it a little, makes better sense for the story to come. sit back and relax cos this is nearly 4000 words bby ♡

warnings: talk of the war, people missing/kidnapping, strong language, mutual pining

wc: 3984

tags: @yeolsbubbles @send-me-styles @shinytalent

tag list open!!

masterlist

Ministry Mayhem

London, 1st May 2007

In the early hours of Tuesday morning, as the sun rose and began to cast it's orangey glow through the gaps in the bedroom curtains, the first ring of an alarm blared a rather unwelcome sound throughout the quietness of the small London flat that you called home. Sleepily, you peel your eyes open to read the time; 6:15am. With a soft grunt, you reach out to slam the snooze button with all the strength you could muster. A typical day, no less, was awaiting you at the Auror office of the British Ministry of Magic, and it was about to wait a little longer, too.

Besides, it wasn't as if anything was in dire need of solving. For the last ten years, the wizarding world had come to know a peace that had long escaped it. The fear and uncertainty that comes with nasty rumours, shadowy figures and the whispers of war was long over now. Harry Potter had fought and won against the most fearsome Dark Wizard in all of history, and now he was keeping the peace as Head of the Auror Office. Although, it wasn't all that exciting nowadays. The more gripping cases ranged from bewitched broomsticks to Oblivating Muggles in the wrong place at the wrong time. It certainly wasn't taking a whole team of Aurors to clear the workload, with most officers getting fidgety and frustrated. It was as if they wanted something to happen; in your eyes, you'd rather be Oblivating an elderly woman who saw a young boy riding a broomstick over London than some raging lunatic.

The clock blares again. Another tap of the snooze button. For a moment, you thought you'd heard knocking at your window. No, you think, I'm just tired. Five more minutes and I'll get up.

It wasn't your first choice, becoming an Auror. During your school years as a young Slytherin, you were certain it was Ancient Runes that you would pursue. That was long before the brewing storm started to reach its boiling point, clouding up any chance you had of finishing school. The prospect of war had reached civilians, and along with it a great fear of the unknown. It was perilous to venture outside of your home; your parents had been cautious to send you back for sixth year. The rumours were terrible. Frightening, even, especially when it was becoming clearer that most of them were true. Even the ones in your own family. A vivid memory of your father arguing in hushed whispers with your uncle one night over Christmas break, had solidified a fear that had been nagging your parents for a long while.

"You can't," your father said, almost spitting the words as you pressed your ear to the door, "don't go to him. Don't give your life away for something so ludicrous."

Your friends began whispering amongst themselves. Troublesome tales of someone you had known your whole life had started circulating around the school. A hard pill to swallow, but one you had to force down eventually.

"My parents said he's right," Pansy had muttered one night in the common room, the glow of the fire just lighting up her face, "I'm starting to think that following him is the better way to go."

"Have you seen Draco lately? He looks dreadful. His attitude is somehow worse." Daphne whispered, and then gulped, "you don't think... surely not, right? He's only our age."

"Dunno, heard his father was a follower during the first war," Blaise then added, looking around to make sure no one was eavesdropping, "I wouldn't hold your breath. I think he's one of them."

You stir in your sleep as if an unpleasant dream had began to plague your slumber. The clock blares its final warning, and with it, a series of sharp, jarring taps at your window that only grow in volume the longer you lay there. Groggily, you get up, slamming the alarm clock as you make your way to the impatient visitor. As you pull back the curtain, you see a familiar owl perched on the window sill with a letter secured in its beak. You open the window and gently take it from it's grip, and with a mighty swoosh of its wings, it soars off over the city. Ripping open the letter, you hadn't bothered to notice the wax seal of the Auror office, and begin to read:

Get down to the office as soon as you can. Sending this to everyone. It's serious.

From the handwriting you can tell who the sender is. Though still half asleep, you understand the urgency and begin rushing to get dressed. As you button the last hole on your blouse, readying yourself to enter the Ministry through the Floo network, you hear a knock at your door. Grumbling about who it could be and marching across the living room, you swing it open to be met with your, quite literal, partner in crime.

"Draco." You say simply, a smile ghosting your lips. He beams back, his attire as pristine as if he just walked out of the store. His white hair not an inch out of place, his black suit and white button down completely creaseless, and a glimmering Auror badge on his jacket to top it all off. He flashes a pearly white smile, leaning against the door frame with that same old cocky demeanour. Draco appears in some of your earliest memories as a child, and even now in work, he was a significant part of your everyday life. Growing up as children of wealthy pureblood families, it was a regular practice to mingle with those of your kind. Even though his personality was an acquired taste, despite your differing views and childish bickering, he was still both a thorn in your side and a priceless friend.

Friend. For as long as you can remember.

"Morning, take it you got Potters note?" He said, sauntering in to your apartment like it was his own, "reckon he's being a bit dramatic, don't you? Probably just dropped a biscuit in his brew."

"I doubt he'd send an owl all over London for a biscuit, Draco," you call back, hurrying to get the rest of your things together before leaving, "I think something is genuinely wrong, and I'm a little worried if I'm honest. We haven't had anything major in... well, forever."

"You know, if you'd told me in like, fifth year, that one day I'd be clambering out of bed before seven in the morning for Potter, I'd probably have pitched myself off the highest turret." Draco said dramatically, just after accusing Harry of being equally as ridiculous.

"Stop moaning and get in the fireplace," you said as if it were something normal people say on a regular basis, "we need to get down there and find out what's happening."

Draco, still mumbling, clambers into your fireplace and waits for you to squeeze in next to him. Much smaller than his own, he's bent doubly to get in, and ushers you to get the Floo powder before his back gives in. His moaning is only met with a rather stern look from yourself. You take a handful of Floo powder from the little bag sitting on the hearth, and take Draco's hand in yours. With a chant, you fling the powder down at your feet, and with a puff of green smoke, you both disappear, leaving the small flat empty and silent.

In the blink of an eye, you're no longer standing in your living room, but instead in the shiny, emerald tiled entrance to the Ministry. Draco dusts himself down, tutting at the slight specs of soot on his jacket, not noticing how you've become stiff with shock.

"Bloody Floo network," he mumbles to himself, coming to stand beside you, "how are you spotless? It's always me that gets-"

He stops his rambling when his eyes follow your line of vision to see the hoard of people just up ahead, swarming the foyer like ants, an incoherent jumble of noises filling the air from cries to shouts. All extremely well dressed and rather wealthy looking, you both got the impression that these people were not average witches and wizards: they were, in fact, much like yourselves - from old, pureblood money.

"What in Merlin's name is all of this?" You mutter, mostly to yourself, as your feet start to carry you towards the mess, Draco following behind. In the midst of all the chaos, is Delphina Sallow, the lady that usually operates the front desk of the Auror office. Delphina was a tall, slender woman with very dark hair and pale blue eyes, which were a striking contrast to her rather ghostly complexion. A nervous sort of woman, she was struggling immensely in a heated conversation with a man you recognised as Mr Selwyn, whose son was in your year at Hogwarts. Much larger than back then, with his pointer finger jabbing the air furiously, he seems to be, at best, enraged.

"This is a travesty, young lady!" He bellows at Delphina, who has resorted to using her clipboard for protection against the wave of saliva, "my son has been taken, taken I tell you, right from under our noses! Sleeping soundly he was; I can see him sitting there during third supper, not a care in the world, enjoying his fourth lamb chop like the innocent boy he is. I demand justice, young lady, or so help me I'll sue the entire Auror office for all it's bloody well worth."

"P-please, sir, I'm only the receptionist, I-I don't have any authority to help you-"

"No authority?" Mr Selwyn shouts with such force, his large moustache almost flies off of his round, purple face, "I do not care for your position, young lady, get me someone who can find my son or I'll be in the right mind to get you fired. I know people in high places, you know!"

"Excuse me," you interrupt as you reach them, Delphina's face washing over with absolute relief, "can I ask what's going on here? Miss Sallow is not an officer, sir. If you have concerns, please take them up with someone clearly wearing a badge."

You point abruptly to the shining Auror badge on your jacket. Mr Selwyn scoffs irritably.

"Well, miss badge, I demand you find my son. At once." He rounds on you, his large, bulbous belly almost touching you before he can get any closer. Draco appears almost instantly, standing just in front of you, the most condescending smile curling at his lips, trying and failing to hide the clear desire to swing a fist into Mr Selwyns beetroot coloured face.

"If you get any closer, sir, I may have to resort to unsavoury means. All in the name of law, you understand." Draco stood completely straight, towering over the stumpy Mr Selwyn, to which the angered man grunted something under his breath before waddling off to his next victim.

"Thank you," Delphina sighs, dabbing the sweat on her forehead with a handkerchief, "he's not the only one I've dealt with this morning. So many reports of missing persons, all within the last few hours or so. I-it's my day off, I'm only here on Mr Potter's orders."

"As are we, Miss Sallow," Draco smiles at Delphina, to which she blushes furiously, "I think you should head back up. Tell Potter we're here, would you?"

As if the Minister himself had instructed her, she scurries off to the lifts.

"Honestly, you could tell Del to jump off a cliff." You scoff lightheartedly, turning back to see a rather smug looking Draco, as he simply fixes his tie and winks down at you.

"It's the charm, darling. Don't say it doesn't affect you, too."

Before he can bask in your flustered reaction, off in the distance, amongst more distraught civilians, you spot Cerberus Langarm, fellow Auror, rushing through the crowds of people with a look of pure determination on his face. You tug on Draco's arm, inciting him to follow you, as you battle through to chase Cerberus. Amid the madness, you hear a mixture of complaints and angry voices from the hoard of people. As you close in on Cerberus, you call out to him, causing him to halt and turn at the sound of your voice.

"I take it you both got letters, then?" Cerberus says as you reach him, "didn't know what we'd be walking into, but this is something else. Somehow, I don't think it's about a bewitched broomstick this time."

Cerberus Langarm was a tall, well built man with sun-kissed, olive skin and dark, shaved hair. He kept a very neatly trimmed moustache, and under his left eye was a deep scar that covered most of his cheek. He was a man dedicated to his duty, and other aspects of his life came second to it, which Draco often made a joke about. Cerberus was a well accomplished man of the law, and highly respected amongst his fellow officers and higher ups.

Sometimes, you wondered if Draco was a little jealous of Cerberus and his undeniable ability to walk into a room and make it sing for him.

"Delphina said something about missing person reports," you being to explain as the three of you make for the lifts, "and I have noticed something; most of these people, they look like a certain group of wizards. Don't you think?"

"You mean rich, pompous purebloods who have nothing better to do than flash their money and complain about Muggles?" Cerberus said, "yeah, they seem the sort. All I know is that Potter better have an explanation for all of this."

The lifts were especially busy; people were squashed like sardines in a can, garnering irritable tuts and mumblings amongst the staff trying to reach their destinations. The three of you manage to squeeze into a lift heading for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement; whispers of the going's on in the foyer filled the usually awkward silence, as the relatively short journey felt like an eternity.

Once the lift had landed at the correct floor, the three of you took no time in squeezing out of the overflowing space and into the open air. For what felt like a moment of relief, was soon overtaken by the mayhem that you were presented with. The department was practically torn apart; papers everywhere, frantic officers pacing back and forth between rooms, folded notes in the shape of paper airplanes zoomed up and down the hallway, narrowly missing your head when one bolted for the lift doors, making it just in time before they slammed shut.

"Salazar's mother," Cerberus muttered, looking back at yourself and Draco whose eyes were transfixed by the sight, "we better find Potter."

Meanwhile, inside Harry's office, stood Harry and Auror Penelope Fawley, assessing the multitude of reports from that morning. They could hear the muffled sound of panic outside, the office workers were working relentlessly to try and get some sort of order in the place. Piles of letters sat upon Harry's desk, as the two of them read aloud the contents of the reports.

"During the night we heard strange ongoings in the neighbours backyard, sounds of magic and a man's voice," says Penelope outloud, "my husband got out of bed and lit up the room with his wand, before trekking down the stairs to peer out of the kitchen window. He thinks he saw two people appartating from the neighbours garden, but his eyesight is not what it used to be. Then, at around 5:30am, we received a knock on the door. It was Mrs Selwyn. Her son was missing."

Penelope, a fair-haired, pretty woman with dark blue eyes, ran her perfectly manicured finger across the parchment as she read. Harry, now pacing up and down the office with his chin in his hand, listened carefully to what Penelope was reading aloud. She places down the parchment and picks up another letter, tearing it open and unfolding the note inside. Penelope clears her throat and begins reading once more:

"I received an owl from my sister a few days ago. She was worried that someone had been outside her house during the night, but couldn't seem to undo the Colloportus charm her husband casts on all the doors when he works nights. She has young children, and they live in a relatively secluded place." Penelope read, and then perched against the desk, "I owled back immediately, but didn't seem to receive a reply. Then around 6:00am this morning, her husband, Blaise Zabini, showed up at our door. My sister, Daphne Zabini, was missing from her bed when he returned home from work. The children were still sound asleep and seemingly untouched."

Harry comes to a halt at the window overlooking Muggle London below. With a great sigh, he rubs his tired eyes that had been awake since the early hours of the morning. As he turns to speak to Penelope, they both hear heavy, hurried footsteps beyond the door, and within a few seconds, you burst in, all guns blazing, Cerberus and Draco in hot pursuit.

"I do hope you have an explantation, Harry," you pant slightly, "what on earth is happening? Missing witches and wizards - and what was Delphina doing in foyer; she was getting practically spat at by Mr Selwyn, and not to mention the hoard of people downstairs, and the office-"

"Thank you, officer Travers, I'm well aware of the situation both outside my door and in the foyer. In fact, I've been well aware of it since three this morning, so, if you’d be so kind as to ask one question at a time, I'd really appreciate it." said Harry, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Draco stifles a laugh behind you.

"Potter," Cerberus advances forward with urgency, "any kind of light you can shed."

Harry composes himself, and then walks over to his desk, pushing forward what looked like a collection of personal files from the Ministry of Magic Archives; somewhere that a person would need all kinds of permissions to enter. It contained many records - such as historical records, every single published issue of The Daily Prophet, various magical projects and, most importantly, personal files of every witch or wizard that comes into magic across the country.  Draco, his interest now peaked, gently brushes past you with a hand at the small of your back, his eyebrows knitted together in a very curious expression. He begins shuffling through them, his features relaxing into more concern than curiosity when he realises each and every one of them have a big, red stamp across the front that read: Missing.

"These," he breathes, looking up at Harry, who's expression was more exhaustion than anything else, "these are all purebloods... I know half of 'em. Nott, for one. Scrawny devil."

"They all look the sort in the foyer, too," adds Cerberus, "lots of old money and questionable bloodlines down there. Odd coincidence?"

"Not likely," pipes up Penelope, who lifts herself elegantly off the edge of the desk, "every single one of these witches and wizards have gone missing during the last few hours. All of them, and without a single trace. No signs of break ins, no signs of struggle or injury at the locations they went missing from. It's a fair assumption to say they have been kidnapped - and not by some amature."

"So you're saying that a whole bunch of wizards from pure bloodlines have just miraculously been taken from their beds in the night. For what reason, exactly?" Draco raises an eyebrow at Penelope. She doesn't look too impressed by his questioning of her theory.

"Malfoy," Harry said, not with his usual air of authority, however, it was far more pleading, "Penelope has a point. Let me give the bigger picture," Harry slumps down onto his office chair with a heaving sigh, before tucking himself under the desk and resting his elbows on the surface, hands intertwined, "I was called in by the Minister at three o'clock this morning. That's when the first report came in about a missing person. Not long after that, they started coming in troves. One after the other, we couldn't keep up. Hence why I owled," he took a pause, "Penelope was first here, and with her help, we retrieved the personal reports to further investigate the missing persons. We made the connection of their blood status quite quick, and have since then been trying to theorise as to why it only seems to be witches and wizards of a certain blood status."

"I'd say that was quite obvious," said Cerberus, who was a rather serious and right-to-the-point kind of officer, "someone out there has a grudge against them, surprisingly," he said with an air of sarcasm, "but it can't just be one person that has done all of this; there must be some sort of group or organisation. No one, even with magic, can be in all of those places at once."

Penelope suddenly gasped, and everyone looked around at her.

"What about Hogwarts? They need informing immediately. The amount of students, and faculty, that could be in danger tomorrow," she said with the utmost seriousness, "I can go, Harry. I can apparate to Hogsmeade, they won't know a thing unless-"

"Thank you, Penelope, but I have already considered Hogwarts," Harry cut her off gently, and her shoulders slumped in relief, "in fact, I need to speak to Travers and Malfoy. Langarm and Fawely - you go down into the foyer and tell the public to go home and rest. There's nothing more we can do right now without some more information."

The other two left, leaving Harry, Draco and yourself alone in his messy office. Once the door had been shut softly, he ushers you both to take a seat in front of him. You both do so, as Harry relaxes a little in his plush office chair, relishing of the quietness for a moment. 

"As you may already be aware, it's the tenth year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts tomorrow and a memorial service is being held at the school," Harry begins to explain, "myself and Ron were invited by McGonagall as guests to represent the Ministry, and well, for other obvious reasons," he waves a dismissive hand, "however, with all this, I think it best we stay here. I'd much rather be there to support McGonagall, but I feel it's necessary that I'm accessible. So, instead, I'm sending you too to keep watch."

"Me?" Draco exclaims. Harry raises his eyebrows at the sudden outburst, "I hardly doubt they'd want me there, Potter. Can you imagine their faces?"

"I'm not sending you as guests, Malfoy," Harry reiterates, "I'm sending you as Ministry officials. You won't need to do anything drastic. I just want you to keep an eye on things. I'll send other officers too, as we might need to change protocol slightly to ease McGonagall's mind. Merlin knows she'll panic when she receives the owl I'm going to send."

"You can count on us, Harry." You say with utter confidence, "If anything happens, I'll inform you immediately. My owl is rather good at finding me in a tight situation."

"Thank you," he smiles kindly, Draco now completely silent, "now, you'll need to take the train to Hogwarts with the guests of the ceremony. I'd feel much better if you were on that train. I can't have eyes everywhere, so be my eyes. Got it?"

With a very sure nod, you rise from your seat, pulling an extremely quiet Draco up with you by the arm. You could tell he was bothered about returning to the school, even after all this time, but you had every bit of confidence in him. Even if he had none in himself.