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turnupswritessometimes · 5 years ago

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The One With the Zombies - AshEiji - Ch14

Title: The One With the Zombies

Chapter: 14

Word Count: 4394

Description: Another what it says on the tin from me - it’s a Zombie Apocalypse AU because how else could this anime/manga get any darker? Whilst on the run from the outbreak of zombies, reporters Ibe and Eiji stumble across a New York street gang, safely huddled in an abandoned warehouse. As if the undead weren’t surprising enough, Eiji finds himself becoming closer and closer to the gang’s leader, mysteriously dubbed Ash Lynx. But safety doesn’t last forever and soon it’s only Ash and Eiji. And they’re up against more than just zombies.

Note: This is available on A03, and I would recommend you follow it there, as I remember to update it. I would post a link, but then Tumblr wouldn’t include it in search results.

They got a few motel rooms nearby. Eiji had pressed his forehead against the window on the way there, his hand - no, his whole arm tangled in Ash's. He was fighting sleep off, his head lolling against Eiji's shoulder for a few minutes before he twitched awake again. Eiji's heart had been racing. This was it. They'd done it. They'd got through.

This was safety. They were safe.

And the streets were fascinating because of it. Full of people - full of lights and fully stocked shops and electricity. Lights. Working lights. People not looking over their shoulders every five minutes. It was a different world.

There was a T.V in their room and it was magical. Only a small thing that picked up a handful of channels, but a T.V. When Ash flicked it on they stared at it as if it was their first time seeing one. Cavemen thrown into the modern world.

The news looked bad. The crisis was spreading across America. Reports showed people throwing themselves off of docks in a mad attempt to get to ships. People crawling over each other in a fight to get on boats, or running across the airport to sneak onto planes. People smashing cars and throwing the owners outside of it, driving off as fast as they could.

It was when the name came running along the banner at the edge of the screen that they switched it over. It still seemed to be there, over a kid’s cartoon. Unforgettable. Dino Golzine.

"Arrows against the lightning," Ash murmured.

"What?" Eiji sat next to him, their backs against the headboard of the hotel bed, grubby socks nudging each other.

"H.G Wells. The aliens invade and it's like fighting with arrows against the lightning."

"This isn't aliens. Its people."

The cheery cartoon didn't seem to fit. It was playing away to someone else.

Ash paused. "Would you prefer aliens?"

Eiji shrugged. "If they were the hairy ones from Star Wars, that wouldn't be so bad."

Ash laughed then. His knuckles brushed Eiji's jaw, turning him to face him. He had a serious face back. Well, Ash trying to be serious. But there was a glint in his eye and the tiniest smirk threatening to escape that told Eiji otherwise.

"Are you feeling better now?"

No. Not by a long shot. It was only just hitting him how much Ash went through for him. How much Ash had endured without saying a word. That didn't make him feel better. He just felt worse. And felt worse for feeling worse.

And the hotel room felt safe.

"Did you and Yut Lung - I mean, did you - together-"

It wasn't coming out of his mouth right, but Ash had always been able to understand him.

"Mm." Ash turned away, brushing his hair away from his face. "So that was it, huh?"

"I'm sorry, I know-"

"It didn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything to him. But...that's...acting like that, that's how that kid has always survived." Ash glanced sideways at Eiji. "I know you're ancient and mature now, but don't you remember being sixteen and stupid?"

"Shut up." Eiji pushed Ash's shoulder, but by some unknown miracle he was smiling. "I'm a year older than you."

Ash caught his hand then, with lightning fast reflexes. Pulled so that Eiji fell against him, a bundle on Ash's lap and pressed against the boy's chest. Ash's fingers slid from his, so that Eiji's arm hung over Ash's shoulders. He could feel the hand resettle on his back.

He was trapped. This was what it was like to be at Ash Lynx's mercy. And it made Eiji's heart race.

"Do you want to?" Ash's breath was hot on Eiji's cheeks and he shivered. "With me?"

Eiji swallowed. His heart was going to run straight out of his chest at the way it was going. "Not if you'd-"

"Say that I wouldn't. Say that I'd be fine. We could do it right here."

"Max and Ibe are in the next room."

"So we'd be loud."

"Ash!" But Eiji was giggling, falling against Ash's chest to hide his bright red face. To hide his expression and to listen to the pounding of Ash's heart. He pressed his head there. It was faster than average - something about that pleased him. "I don't know. I don't know if I - I didn't even know I was - until you."

"I know." Ash's voice was soft, his fingers combing through Eiji's hair. "But if there was anyone, it'd be you, Eiji. I love you."

"I love you too."

There was a pause, a long pause, where the magic of those words settled around them. A desperate desire to relive the moment and save it forever at the same time. Safe. This was safe. Safe and loved and it meant a lot more here than it had ever done in Japan.

"You know, Max and Ibe are in the next room."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's make them uncomfortable." Ash caught Eiji"s shoulders, pulling him away so that they were face to face. "We'll just pretend, it'll be a laugh."

Absolutely not. Not in front of Ibe. No.

But also Eiji was smiling. Ash was grinning at him and maybe. Maybe it would be worse for them.

"Maybe I just want to hear you say my name," Ash said. He tucked a strand o hair behind Eiji's ear, smiling at him. "Sometimes you slip up and add a 'shu' to the end of it. And other times you don't quite catch the 'L.' So I'm Ashu Rinks."

Eiji felt the pout on his face and ducked his head. "Don't. You have a hard name to say."

Ash kissed his nose. Tilted his chin back up and kissed him on the mouth. "Its cute. You're cute."

"Look who's talking."

"Go on, Eiji, say my name."

"Ash." He heard it that time. The added syllable. And he felt his face glowing. The consolation was that Ash's face was pink too.

"Louder."

"Ash!" It was a warning, even though he had said it louder.

"Eiji!"

"Ash!" It came out in shock at the intensity that Ash called his name. The volume and the look on his face. He went to push him away, but Ash caught his hands. Held him firm.

"Eiji - thats good Eiji, just like that!"

There was a knock on the wall and Eiji couldn't help it. He burst into a fit of giggles under Ash And felt Ash laughing against him.

"Harder, Ash!" He could barely believe he was telling it, but it was so easy to get caught up in Ash's plans.

"Harder!" Ash moaned against Eiji's ear and he had to bite his lips to stop himself from laughing out loud. And yet he felt warm - just hearing Ash pretend to mewl was enough. They started to overlap each other, calling each other's names like mating street cats and yelling 'faster.' Until Eiji could scarcely breathe. He couldn’t tell if he was laughing or caught up in the pretend of it all. It was over the top and silly - a caricature of what they both thought rough sex was meant to sound like.

They jumped out their skin when the phone on the bedside table burst to life. Ash slipped sideways and took Eiji down with him so that they landed in a heap on the hotel bed, still in fits of laughter.

Ash pressed a hand against Eiji's mouth, ssshing him as he leant over to pick up the phone.

"Good afternoon," he said in the most polite tone.

They were close enough that Eiji could hear the voice buzz on the other side. He could make out "noise complaint" and "Max Lobo."

He had to hold Ash's hand against his mouth to stifle the laughter.

"You can tell Mr Lobo that it's the end of the fucking world and he should lighten up and bone," Ash said it so casually, dropping the phone on the bed between them.

“Ash!” Eiji could barely tell him off. His stomach hurt. There were tears in his eyes because of the uncontrollable laughter coming out of him. Vaguely, he could feel himself pressed against Ash’s chest – could feel Ash shaking with laughter as he held him.

It felt like forever before they could breathe normally, gasping against each other and grinning with flushed faces.

“Fuck,” Ash whispered. “I just spoke on a phone. We’re back to the modern world.”

Eiji smiled at him. Their noses bumped against each others.

“We’re safe Ash.”

They were safe. They’d got through to Canada. Another country. One where the apocalypse was a far off incident seen on the news. Safety. It had been so long and Eiji had taken it for granted.

He remembered thinking that, over and over again as he and Ash lay on the bed, pressing against each other so that they could feel their chests rising and falling in tandem.

He didn't remember falling asleep.

What now?

That was the question. They'd been in Canada a few days and no one had made any mention of the plan now. They hadn't even asked how long they could stay at the hotel, or if they were expected to find their own accommodation.

Max had pulled a credit card out of somewhere, dipping into his overdraft to provide decent clothes and meals.

"How've you been hiding that the whole time?" Ash had asked when Max had come back with bags of shopping and Skip on his shoulders.

He received a dark look and a "you don't want to know, kid."

And now they were sat across from each other, devouring full English breakfasts whilst the hotel still allowed them to eat for free. Eiji had still been fast asleep when Ash had woken, ravenous, and he hadn't had the heart to wake him. To brush dark hair off of his face and kiss his forehead, yes, but not to wake him.

Ash's foot tapped under the table. What now?

Part of him new. He'd been thinking about it on the walk up here, how it would go.

"You want to expose him," Ash said.

Max took his time over a mouthful of bacon, looking out of the window instead of at Ash. When he finally looked back, he looked puzzled.

"Hm?"

"You heard me."

"I heard you, but I have no idea what you meant."

"Cut the bullshit, Max."

That got a blink of genuine surprise. "So you do know my first name."

"You want to expose him. Everything he did. Is still doing," Ash repeated.

"It's the right thing to do," Max said.

"You can use my pictures." It was impulse. Something he said on impulse. If it stopped - If it stopped

"I can't."

"You can."

Max shook his head. There was almost a smile on his face. “They’re gone. I burnt them.”

Ash couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t so much like being punched in the gut or slapped in the face. It felt like being frozen – being stuck in time with the smell of bacon heavy in the air and Max’s oh-so-kind eyes looking at him from across the table.

The question could hardly come out. Just a gasp of air. “When?”

“When you and Eiji came back from the city.” Max’s fork scraped against the plate. He was toying with the food now. “When I saw the look on your face – I burnt it. Used up all my lighter fluid on it.”

Breathing felt like there were shards of ice in his throat. “You shouldn’t have.”

“There’s other evidence, Ash. I’m not using you.”

“But you’ll use someone else?”

The fork finally stopped moving and the silence was deafening.

“I was thinking of using a dead person. I was wondering if you’d be able to help.”

Ash wasn’t sure his heart had beaten once in the last minute. “How do you – how do you still have them?”

It seemed to appear in between Max’s fingers like magic. “Memory stick. It’s not all on there – nowhere near, but enough is. I’ve had it on me ever since it all kicked off.”

Ash took a moment. A few moments – way too many moments, just to breathe and try to kick his heart back into action. It was hot – too hot – in the hotel and his mind was spinning. He couldn’t even look back down at the plate – instead he stared out of the window and waited for his body to reset itself. Max waited. He was still waiting when Ash finally had enough of himself back to ask, “And you’re just going to walk up to the news channels with all of this?”

Colour appeared on Max’s cheeks. “Well, yes. But only because I know a gal over here. I have connections – she’ll make sure it’s sent to the right people.”

“So, Papa’s exposed and we all live happily ever after?”

“Well, you did find your Prince Charming, Cinderella.”

Ash made a gesture that only received a laugh. Max leant back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest and looking at him with some kind of warmth. It made him squirm slightly. It was too close – way too close to the way that a father looked at a son. It sent his mind back to Cape Cod – back to wondering just how much was left of it. Made him wonder just how long it would take for Max to walk away.

And yet Max knew everything. He knew everything and he had chosen to take Ash across the border to Canada. Was choosing to still help him. And it was probably very similar to what a good father would do. That only piled on the guilt and resentment and selfish relief onto Ash more.

“Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about any of it. That’s for me to deal with.”

Ash bit his lip. “And what am I supposed to do?”

He was used to working. Always working on something – always having fifty things at the back of his mind to sift through to distract him. Ash did not relax – could not relax, even if he wanted to.

“Start a new life. Find a job.”

“And what am I supposed to put on my resume? ‘Good team leadership – used to run a gang in New York City?’”

He received a laugh and a roll of dark eyes. “Ash. You lie.”

“So much for a new life, then.”

“Everyone lies on their resumes.” Max shrugged.

“You know, you’re a bad influence on me.”

“It’s a good thing you have Eiji, then, isn’t it?”

Ash rolled his eyes and leant against the window. People were going to work, walking past in suits and worrying about whether there was time for a coffee before they arrived. Everything was so normal out there. Ash wasn’t sure he could do normal. Normal had never been a part of his life.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “It’s a good thing.”

That was when he spotted him. Standing underneath the awning of the hotel opposite, shoulders hunched and glaring out at everyone with a look Ash knew only too well. A look that said ‘fight me, I dare you.’

Ash was up and out of the room before Max could even call out to him. His foot slipped on the lacquer of the entrance way, and a gaggle of old ladies told him to slow down. He only skidded to a stop on the pavement outside, the soles of his shoes threatening to fall apart at the motion.

“Sing Soo-Ling!”

The eyes seeked him out through traffic – spotted him just as a van came past. By the time it was gone that look was transformed into a wide grin with glittering eyes. The way a fifteen year old should look.

“Ash fucking Lynx!” Soo-Ling started across the road just as a car pulled out from the stop lights. He ended up skittering across the road in a mixture of hops and skips like a startled rabbit. Until he was stood right in front of Ash, smiling up at him. Even in a few weeks, the kid had grown. “The boys said they saw you lurking around outside the hotel. I didn’t think it could be-“

“You didn’t think I’d survive?” Ash folded his arms, smirking. It made him feel old, looking at Soo-Ling.

“I knew you would! I just – I didn’t think you’d come here. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” Soo-Ling bit his lip. “We found – we found out, about Shorter.”

“Sing, I’m –“ Ash had gone to say ‘sorry,’ out of reflex. But he was. It hit him just how sorry he was – how he could barely get the word out because it hurt. It hurt his chest and stomach and throat and he wasn’t sure how to look this kid in the eye and tell him he was sorry for shooting his boss in the head. This kid who was only two years younger than Ash, when it really felt like ten. “So – sorry.”

“He was trying to save you.” Soo-Ling’s fists were clenched at his sides. “And you’re okay. So he didn’t die in vain.”

It felt as though a truck had driven into Ash’s ribs.

He was stuck. In that basement. In that moment. His hands around the gun – his fingers feeling the cold metal. He could see Shorter in front of him.

Didn’t die in vain.

Which made Ash suspect that maybe Soo-Ling didn’t know the whole story after all.

“Soo-Ling! So this is where you and your troublemakers have been hiding!”

A hand placed itself on Ash’s shoulder. F or a moment, he felt the urge to swing back his arm, sweep his leg, come in with his other arm for a right hook.

But then he recognised Eiji’s voice. Forced himself to relax.

“Eiji Okumura, zombie slayer!” Soo-Ling bounced back to being all smiles, stepping forward and attaching himself to Eiji like a limpet. It made Eiji laugh and awkwardly put his arms around Soo-Ling’s back.

The urge for a right hook still tingled a little.

“I didn’t know you were up.” Ash managed to say. As if he hadn’t just been choking two seconds ago.

“I woke up as you got up.” Eiji gave him a bashful grin. “I guess I’m too used to having you next to me.”

“Well, we can fix that.” Soo-Ling pulled away, grinning crookedly up at Eiji. “I’ll come and stay with you instead of Ash.”

“Hold on there, jail-bait,” Ash said.

“What’s jail-bait about that?” Soo-Ling blinked up at Ash with innocent eyes, even though there was still a smirk on his face. “We’re just two bros, sharing a bed.” Eiji was laughing and it only egged Soo-Ling on. “Why else would anyone share a bed?”

Ash just glared. There was something in him that wanted to push Eiji behind him, as if Soo-Ling was a zombie and Ash needed to pull out a gun.

“So, Soo-Ling, how did you get here?”

“Snuck in, didn’t we?” Soo-Ling grinned up at Eiji – the kid was practically glowing. “Border control should really be tighter in the middle of an apocalypse. We tried to stay in the city for as long as we could, but then we found out about Shorter and – well, we had no idea where you guys were and, phones were down and – we had to get out.”

“Sing, I’m – I’m so sorry, about Shorter.” Eiji’s face was pale.

Soo-Ling was quiet for a moment, looking up at Eiji with brown puppy-dog eyes. Then he snapped back into mini-boss leader mode. He turned to Ash with serious eyes.

“Two of your guys found us. Bones and Kong? Sound familiar?”

“So, that’s where they had got to.” Ash’s heart was hammering, regardless of the casual tone.

“Bones and Kong are here too? Can we see them?”

“Sure. Eiji.” Even something about the way Soo-Ling said the name set Ash’s teeth on edge. “Can I call you Eiji?”

A month ago, there would have been a moments hesitation. That was gone. Eiji’s brown eyes still held stars, but there was no indecision there. Instead, he smiled.

“Sure.”

So they were off, Soo-Ling walking so close to Eiji that their hands threatened to touch as they walked. Ash gripped Eiji’s other hand tightly – possessively, he knew and hated himself for it – glaring at anyone who gave the two of them a disproving look.

There was chatter all around him. Ordinary people chattering about ordinary things that seemed to ridiculous to worry about after staring death in the face so many times. The chatter of Eiji and Soo-Ling, speaking over each other as they tried to catch the other up on all that had happened to them.

It was loud. Overpowering. It was all nonsense – all chatter and white noise and Ash couldn’t stand it. His mind was still buzzing with Max’s conversation.

Max was going to take on Dino Golzine in a legal battle. Max was going to expose him.

And there was no way that he could do it alone.

“You were quiet today,” Eiji rested his head on top of Ash’s, draping his arms over Ash’s chest as he sat at the chair in the window of their room. They could see the river from here – a huge, stony grey mass. Just like a road. It was incredible to think that it was always moving – always churning, when up here it looked so lifeless.

“Soo-Ling seemed happy to see you.” Ash said. He was leaning back against Eiji, making the already wobbly legs of the wooden chair threaten to give way completely. It was a change of subject, Eiji noted, and made a note to circle back around to it.

“Is that why you kept looking at him like a lion stalking prey?” he still couldn’t resist smiling. Ash’s fingers found his, curled themselves into him as if they couldn’t be apart for even a moment.

“I believe my last name is ‘lynx,’ not lion.”

“And you laughed at me for being jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.” Ash’s tone was light. He leant further back, so that Eiji could see bright green eyes. “I’m just marking my territory.”

It was incredible that Ash could still steal Eiji’s breath so easily. Could still make his stomach feel like it was on fire and his face burn.

“Oh?” he managed to get out, and hoped it was still light and teasing.

“Mm.” Ash was up and on his feet in moments, nudging the chair away with his legs and wrapping his arms around Eiji’s waist, his face buried in his neck like a vampire. “Like this.”

He toyed with it. Breathing hot and damp on the side of Eiji’s neck before pressing a damper kiss against his skin. That was when he opened his mouth, just enough so that Eiji could feel the edge of Ash’s teeth. He shivered, hands clutching the back of Ash’s shirt because his heart was racing, because suddenly he felt like prey.

Ash bit and sucked and bit, creating a bruise that Eiji knew would be impossible to hide for days. But he couldn’t bring himself to mind because Ash kissed the sore spot he created ever so tenderly to make it better. Because a part of him wanted to peel off his t-shirt and let Ash have at him – all of him, completely.

And he found himself wanting to laugh, but instead turning his face into Ash’s hair and murmuring, oh-so softly. “He’s a kid. Is he really that much of a threat? Mr Lynx?”

He felt Ash breath in sharply against his neck and smiled. He wanted to laugh because this – this was how it could be from now on. The two of them and flirting and living and –

Safe.

“I’m not – I don’t want to be jealous. I don’t want to say you belong to – say you’re mine. I don’t want to-“ be like him. Eiji could finish that sentence. He clung tighter to Ash, his eyes half closed. Ash paused. His jaw rested on Eiji’s shoulder. “I did it because I want to – want you.”

The sentences weren’t meant to go together, and yet they fit like the pieces of a jigsaw. I want to want you. But it was Ash and Eiji didn’t know if Ash even knew what wanting Ash. Ash probably wondered if he knew what wanting was. And it was confusing, it was complicated.

“You have me,” Eiji whispered. If he concentrated he could smell Ash – the real Ash, underneath the free shampoo and soap. The Ash that smelt of sweat who had taught him how to shoot. The Ash who cut himself shaving fine blonde hairs that weren’t even worth taking a razor to.

Ash pulled away – just enough to jam lips against Eiji’s, practically missing his mouth. There was something behind the kiss. Some desperation. Desperation to know that this was want. That he wanted this.

“Max is organising a case.” Ash barely pulled away to speak and it was difficult to discern the words. “He’s going to expose him. Expose everything.”

“That’s –“ Good? No. It made Eiji’s stomach squirm in a different way. “Dangerous.”

“I’m going to work with him.” Ash’s fingers tightened around Eiji’s belt loops, and when he tried to pull away, to look up at Ash, he avoided Eiji’s gaze. “I know – I know everything. If it matches the proof Max has, then they’ll at least feel the need to check, if they don’t believe it already. I’m – I’m probably the most important witness he can have, besides Yut Lung.”

“Will you be okay?” He surprised himself, because he could hardly follow what was coming out of Ash’s mouth. It felt as though he was running faster than his brain could keep up with. It was just like shooting a gun.

“I think.” Ash swallowed. Eiji watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down. “I think I need to. Need to end it. I need to stop running.”

“I’m here.” Eiji gave way to instinct. Let whatever wanted to fall out of his mouth fall out, and his hands place themselves over Ash’s. “I’m here, Ash.”

“That’s how I know I’ll be okay.”

#asheiji #zombie apocolypse au #fanfiction #banana fish fanfiction #banana fish #bf #zombie #turnupswrites

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randisnotonfire-blog · 7 years ago

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Wrong Love Final Chapter? Pt.1/2? Eddie Kaspbrak X Reader Modern AU

Summary: Ah, finally, it’s fall and you all are finally 19 or 20. Your favorite season, is what you thought...That damn clown decides to come back because apparently you and everyone thought you killed him, but you didn’t. This all leads down to a reunion of the Losers club even though sadly Bev isn’t there to make you feel like not the only girl in the entire group. (Also sorry if this is shitty asf bc I didn’t plan for a part 4 :/ ) Bill made the stupid decision of having everyone go down to the Neibolt house for one “last” time to kill the fucking clown. Which this causes some horrible things to happen that includes your fear. Death.

Pairings: Eddie Kasprak X Reader, Richie Tozier X Reader

Warnings: Death, cursing, triggering scenes, chaos, some harm, graphic descriptions I guess, spoopy scenes, me trying to add in some humor to a sad and spoopy fic, and anything else that you would expect in this series!

Requested: Yes

Song: Afraid by The Neighborhood, and Suckerz by Blackbear

Authors Note, descriptive warning: Okay so hey there, honestly I felt so bland if you can even say that, writing this. I don’t know what it was, shit happens I guess you can say. Okay so this might be a little bit too long but whatever lol: So as you may know there will be a death part in this. It will be triggering to some people, even I had to get up and question what the hell was I writing. No I am not a psychopath for writing this, this is actually something that I have been questioning a lot lately; What happens when we die? Sorry if that just gave you a existential crisis, but I am being serious about this since it is not a funny topic to be discussing with someone. I do know that I need to get help about it but I feel better writing out what’s going on in reality, my thoughts, and my depression if that all makes sense. Me and my non online best friend were discussing this during lunch class on Friday but the topic then got quickly pushed passed to a new topic when my friend noticed how my attitude changed, thankfully, but still its serious as I said. I had cried one day just thinking that we will all die lately and this is a now VERY serious reason why I can’t even handle and talk about death now. But I am okay with telling you guys for some reason but yeah lets just get writing, okay? Trust me I am fine if you have any questions just tell me also I WILL talk to a professional about this so don’t even think about contacting someone for me.

This chapter contains triggering scenes/parts, so if you are sensitive to this please DO NOT read on. And if you are then you have been warned. Please do not try to recreate anything that goes on in this, thank you for listening to me.

(gif credits to rightful owner <3)

* * *

Before:

“Okay so why are we here?” Stan said after almost 3 hours of just hanging out and relaxing in the quarry. “Yeah we should hurry up and get home soon, its completely dark outside since this was pointless” Richie said, you rolled your eyes. “Stop it you guys, and I think we all know why we are here” Eddie said while you walked over to him. “I’m tired Eddie” You whispered in his ear as he grasped ahold of your hand. “I know” He mumbled. “And I still wonder how Eddie out of our group got a girlfriend” Richie said trying to make a joke but everyone was being serious. “Last night…” Eddie said then Richie shuffled his hands through his hair from being nervous just to confront everyone about what happened. Eddie motioned for him to say what he did as everyone else just looked at each other but mainly just looking at Richie, “Dude I can’t tell them” Richie said quietly but stern, “Just tell them” Stan said awkward patting Richie’s shoulder. “Wait you know!? Y/n who did you tell!?” Richie said loudly from stress. “Just Eddie, but Stan just found out” you said quietly, shuffling your feet through the grass and dirt, “Just fucking tell them Rich!” Eddie said getting a little bit pissed off from Richie’s actions. “T-this is s-stupid” Bill said pointing to the three of you, “Fine!” Richie said rather loudly. “I fucking hit Y/n, are you happy that I told you now?!” Richie said yelling at everyone. You rested your head on Eddie’s shoulder. “I wish this was just a bad dream” you whispered to Eddie, trying to hide your face from everyone. Everyone was wordless, “You are all just a bunch of assholes” Richie said before walking away from the motionless astounded group. “S-seriously? Y-y/n d-did Richie rea-really do t-that?” Bill managed to speak out. You nodded and watched as everyone said their goodbyes and goodnights and left except for Stan.

“Sorry Y/n” Stan said as he lightly punched your shoulder lightly, “Night” he said when he walked off and waved.

“Come on Y/n lets leave” Eddie said as he took your hand and walked off with you to his house.

Extended:

“Eddie honestly I don’t think I want to deal with this drama anymore...” you said softly when you both walked into your house. “W-what do you mean?” he said with nervousness flooding through the pastel voice Eddie had. “I mean that I don’t want to be around anymore! Couldn’t you tell that I have been stressed and this bullshit with all these TV stereo typical love shit like fucking Twilight is stupid. I didn’t sign up for this when I decided to hang out with your friends and I don’t even want to be around them anymore Eddie. I can’t deal with these, You and Richie are like the worst part of my life now!” You tried not to yell but instead you felt stressful tears fall down from both of you. “If that’s what you really fucking want Y/n then I’m done with your drama, you can deal with Richie on your own” He poked your chest when he said ‘You’ then left slamming the door shut. You had never felt this regretful in your entire life.

* * *

You peared looking out your foggy early morning window, watching a specific golden leaf fall that had caught your attention. “Y/n?” Eddie said as he walked into your room to see you sitting at one of your chairs, looking outside. “mhm?” You said softly. “Your mom said I could come in” “Okay” “are you okay?” He said as he sat on the floor next to you. “Yeah I guess...why are you even here though...” “You haven’t been answering my calls...” You opened your mouth to speak but it closed in fear of telling him the real truth: that you have been staying in your room for the entire week watching TV and browsing your social medias, avoiding him at school. And this was all because of that one night. “I’m sorry Eddie..for everything” You said as you averted your attention to him. Remembering that night after the drama filled week, when Eddie crawled back to you because he thought he had been the main source of all of this made you still heartbroken for saying those hurtful words to him. “It’s fine but your mom wants us to come downstairs” you nodded then got up from your sitting position and left the room with Eddie.

“Hi sweetie” Your mom said with a smile as she finished chopping up some food for dinner tonight. “Hey” “Eddie wanted to know if you both could go out, so I said only if it was okay with you” You nodded then said sure. “so do you want to leave now” “Yeah” “Okay be safe and please make smart choices, bye Eddie and tell your mom I said ‘Hi’ okay?” you rolled your eyes at your moms total obliviousness for being over-protective. “I will Mrs. L/n (last name)” You smiled then he grabbed your hand in a hurry to leave. When you guys got outside you quickly let go of his. “Where are we going and why did you do that? My mom knows about the fight and the breakup Eddie...She was at the house..during the fight..it was awkward having to explain to her..” “She knows everything?!” Eddie said as he let go of your hand too. “Yeah, she does. Now tell me where we are going before I go walk back home” You said. “Neibolt house...” you rolled your eyes thinking he had to have been lying to you. “I’m being serious Y/n..Wait don’t you have that nail bat in your garage?” “Yeah...” You said trying not to think about the last time you got dragged there, how your fear then was clowns and now it’s death. “Go get it..” You rolled your eyes yet again since he wanted you to have a weapon at least. “Fine” you muttered then ran back to get it, then ran back again back to him.

* * *

“We’re here” Eddie said as he looked at Bill then at Mike. “Good” “Okay so why are we here?” You interrupted their planning time. “why else do you think we are here Y/n” Richie hissed. “Shut up, and the clown. Don’t you remember?” Stan said and smiled from seeing your presence after two years without the Losers club. “Yeah obviously” “Has she always been this bitchy?” Richie whispered loudly to Mike. “Shut up Richie” Mike hissed back, Richie shrugged his shoulders. “W-wh-we need to h-hu-hurry up” Bill stuttered out. You all nodded your heads in agreement. Eddie grasped your hand before you all walked in, giving you a small smile you gave him a smile back. You picked up your nailed bat and walked in with him.

Walking in you checked your phone to see what time it was, but saw that you received no signal in there gave you chills. Putting your phone back in your back pocket of your ripped jeans you looked around. “This place is even more shitty than I remember, if that’s even possible” You muttered. “Yeah...” Eddie said as he saw the dusty book shelves and the broken TV. “Ke-keep your b-bat with y-yo-you Y-y/n” Bill said quietly. Richie was walking around and ended up getting split up with the rest of the group. Stan stayed closer to you than possible, and this was only because he and Eddie were the only two people out of the group who REALLY did care about your safety. “Where did trashmouth go..?” Eddie said as he let go of your hand to try and find him. “I think he went upstairs” you spoke when you felt the softness leave your hand. Then suddenly Mike got split up from the others, then the same happened for everyone else. Stan went looking for Bill,Mike went looking for you, and Eddie went looking for Richie. Which left you alone upstairs, straight to the point you were upstairs in a locked room.

“Get away” you screamed at the top of your lungs when you saw a man who represented your fear. Death, murders, and being forgotten. You don’t know what struct your fear for being murdered but it all just happened when your friend died in a car crash. Thinking about dying and never knowing what will happen after left you in tears from that day. You were screaming and crying whilst banging on the door in hopes it would open up. You heard yelling outside the door, it was everyone and they all sounded scared and worried as hell. Anxiety rode up on you like a jackass trying to get around your car but instead their car is so close to yours. “Somebody please help me!” You cried out. When the door finally busted open everything went black. Your last thoughts were: “I’m dead, this is the end of Y/n.” Everyone screamed when they saw blood and your body. Some were motionless but everything was too real that it made it scary. “S-so-somebody d-do s-so-something!” Bill screamed. Eddie was in tears and ran out but ended up falling just like the first time this happened. Then he screamed and Richie came running to help him. Mike just stood there motionless because this reminded him of all that happened to his family. Bill and Stan tried to wake you up but failed. “M-my mom s-said that i-if you c-check someone’s p-pulse it t-tells you if they ar-are dead” Stan said, he only stuttered when he was nervous or scared. Bill nodded and checked your pulse but received nothing “SHE IS FUCKING DEAD!!” Stan screamed at the top of his lungs. Mike was crying and everything was a full on chaotic mess. Quickly Stan yelled at Mike to help them pick you up to at least get you all outside and somewhat safe.

* * *

“Richie I said there is a fucking inhaler in the second fanny pack outside!” Eddie screamed in between breathes. “OKAY OKAY I WILL GO GET IT” Richie said running outside. “Don’t forget the fucking bat!” Mike yelled. “Pick the damn thing up then!” Stan yelled at him back, then Mike picked it up and helped them carry you downstairs. “Y/n?” Eddie said when he saw Bill and Stan trying to carry your limp and heavy body downstairs. “What the fuck!” Richie screamed then threw Eddie’s fanny pack at Eddie. He caught the fanny pack then tried his best to get his inhaler. When he found it he practically took all the air the inhaler had. “Here” Mike gave Richie the nailed bat. “Is she even breathing!?” “Can’t Eddie like give her his inhaler?” Richie said. “Nah dipshit!” Eddie yelled when he saw your limp hand move from Bill and Stan trying to move outside. Then to make everything worse that fucking demon clown appeared. This was some Stranger Things shit because that fucking clown was coming out of the wall. “What the-AHHHHHHH” Eddie screamed at the top of his lungs, he got up and bolted out of the house. Richie ended up trying to chase down Eddie to make his slow down and calm down to. Mike helped Stan and Bill get you out safely. When you were all outside Richie was still chasing Eddie to make him stop running. “EDS SLOW THE FUCK DOWN” Richie screamed at Eddie. “Is she okay, wait what do you mean she isn’t breathing?!” Mike said in a scared tone. “This is fucking stupid!” Stan said loudly then let go of your body. “I’m going home, I don’t want to touch a dead girl...” Stan said and got in car, driving off to his house. “Asshole” mike muttered then noticed your tiny body was crushing Bill. “H-help me!” Bill said while Mike went over to help up your body. “H-how are w-we g-go-going to t-tell h-he-her parents?!” Bill spazzed out. “We a-al-already l-lu-lost G-Ge-Georgie!” Bill managed to stutter out. “Calm down, we need to atleast get Richie to give us a ride to her house” “M-mu-mike HOW A-ARE WE GOING TO TELL H-HER MO-MOM!?” Bill yelled out with stress. “I got h-him” Richie said as he had Eddie following him. “He ran like a fucking mile..past 29-Neibolt street...” Richie said as his speech slowed down from running. “It’s not my fault that there was a fucking cLOWN COMING OUT OF THE WALL!” “Calm down you guys! We need a ride to Y/n’s house” Mike said then looked at the ground. “Yeah I guess you can get a ride home from me...” Richie said. “H-how are w-we going to tell Mrs. L/n (Last name)..” “We just tell her” Eddie spoke up.

The drive up there was awkward for the 4 boys to be in a car with a what seemed to be dead friend. “I can’t believe I’m in a fucking car with my dead fucking ex!” Eddie muttered. “This is crazy!” His last mutters turned his new words into slight yelling. “Calm down! We will get this taken care of!” “Mike seriously, I agree with Eddie. How the hell are we going to tell the fucking cops?! Or even her mom!?” Richie said. “All th-they will t-th-think is t-th-that w-we kil-killed h-her” Bill said softly and quietly. “See! Even Richie and Bill think this is crazy!” Eddie went to get his inhaler. “I’m fucking out!” He yelled and his breathing got worse. “Bill or Mike there should be a extra inhaler lying around in the back seat somewhere” (FUCKING REDDIE RIGHT THERE M8 OFC RICHIE WOULD HAVE AN EXTRA INHALER!! lmao) “Okay”

* * *

Richie nearly ran over a old ladys mailbox when parking, “Slow down man!” Mike yelled. “Shush it I know how to drive!” Eddie rolled his eyes. “I don’t feel good about this...” Eddie said quietly. “You’re the one who said we do this!” Richie said as he turned off the car and turned to look at everyone else, and at your dead body...”Who votes that Eddie tells Y/n’s mom?” Richie spoke up. Everyone raised their hand and Eddie groaned. “You guys suck” (Insert Richie making another dick joke lmao) “Not as hard as I do” Richie said with a smirk. “Toizer, are you hinting that you’re gay?” Mike said (Eddie needs his gay inhaler rn during this part lmao). He rolled his eyes then Eddie got out of the car.

When Eddie knocked on the door his entire heart sunk and he felt the need to cry. In Eddie’s mind he was just thinking that this was stupid, like seriously? Showing up at your ex girlfriend’s house to tell her MOTHER that she is fucking dead because of a psycho ass bitch clown? He took a deep sigh then the door swung open. It. Was. Her. Fucking. Dad. Eddie was now screaming internally. “H-hey Mr. L/n” Eddie forced himself to give out a pain-killing smile. “Hiya Eddie, where is Y/n” Your dad said. “YourdaughterisfuckingdeadtherewasafuckingclownthatkilledherandIdon’tknowwhatodopleasedontfuckingkillmeiminnocentashellunlikeRichie!” Eddie said fastly before he ran back to the car before your dad grabed his shoulder, forcing him to stop. “Did you just say Y/n is dead?” your dad said sternly but concerned. “Y/m/n (Your mom’s name)” Your dad called out loudly. “Yes?” Your mom said when she walked out. “Oh hi Eddie, where is Y/n?” Your mom smiled brightly then her smile turned into a frown. “is she really dead Eddie?” Her voice cracked with depression. Eddie nodded then Richie and everyone else got out of his dumpy car. Stan, Bill, Mike, and Richie came walking up and stood next to Eddie. “Richie Tozier are you seriously okay with my ‘dead’ daughter’s body in your car?!” Your dad’s voice raised. “Y-yes. I really am. If it was anyone else then I probably wouldn’t even be able to have him or her near my car” Richie spoke the truth which made your moms heart sink. “I wouldn’t want to ever call the ambulance or the cops on you guys, but I have to” Your mom said then went inside. “Please..Come inside” Your dad motioned for them all to come inside.

They all took a seat on the couch, “Bill!” your little sister yelled out as she ran into the living room with her friend. “Y/s/n! (Your sister’s name)” Bill said when he saw the little 6 year old girl, he smiled softly when she hugged his leg since she was short for her age. “Where is Y/n?” She said then sat down next to him. As if on cue your mom came walking in and picked up Y/s/n. “S-she is at the- skate factory with her other friends” Your mom forced a fake smile and Bill nodded at her. “Thank you” he mouthed to her and your mom walked into a different room. “Why is she still at the skate factory then?” Your sister’s friend asked Bill quietly. Bill tried to not cry when he remembered seeing her play around with Georgie, when Mike saw Bill’s reaction to the little girl he chimed in. “S-she is a-uh sick..She refused t-to leave” Richie then texted Mike. “Nice reply dipshit” then when Mike got the text he responded back saying: “Bite me”

The police and ambulence sirens got louder and the little girl ran into your sister’s room. You had been quickly taken to the hospital, everybody had to tag along but your sister’s little friend couldn’t because her mom wouldn’t allow her to.

* * *

Extended:

Stan, Eddie, Richie, Your sister, mom, and dad were the people who decided to stay. Stan, Eddie, and Richie all had to watch your little sister in the waiting room while your mom and dad were talking to the doctors. “Richie wake up!” Your sister called out as she tugged on his shirt. It was 11pm and they were fighting to stay awake but Richie fell asleep knowing him. “What?” Richie said. Eddie was wide awake and nervously sitting in the middle of Stan and Richie. “Boys, me and Mr. L/n (your last name) are gonna watch Y/n’s little sister for a bit so you all can go check in on her, okay?” Your mom called out. “Richie wake the fu- I mean wake up” Eddie said as he quickly got up and walked into your room with Stan and Richie. “Y/n?” they called out but received no answer. “You guys can I have some alone time...?” Richie and Stan nodded and left.

“Y/n...I’m sorry for everything I put you through” Eddie said breaking down when he took a seat next to you. “Even though you are my moon and my stars, doesn’t mean that its wrong for you to be my ex along with that. Even though people say its considered wrong to be best friends with your ex we proved them wrong” Eddie’s voice cracked from crying. “If I knew you were going to die then my last words to you wouldn’t have been about that stupid nailed bat...” “And we all did really care about you Y/n” The tear drops from his heavy eyes fell onto your pale skin and the white bed sheets on the hospital bed. “I really do love you Y/n” and now I guess you can say that was the last words Eddie said to you. Now the sounds of the machine beeping that showed you had been alive now stopped. And everything was done. Forever.

* * *

#wrong love #eddie kaspbrak #eddie kaspbrak x reader #final chapter #richie tozier #jack dylan grazer #jack d grazer #bill denbrough #georgie denbrough #stanley uris #stan uris

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ninjagoat · 7 years ago

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Kara, Lena, and Maintaining Professional Objectivity (season 3 edition)

[Warning: Questionably organised thoughts of essay length, all written before 3x05]

So, during the hiatus, I wrote this:

Yes, Snapper does insist on Kara’s objectivity, and he’s right to do so*, but it’s the Mon-El situation that allows Kara to accept it. And then a curious thing happens (and this is what’s going to get me in trouble):

Kara MAINTAINS her objectivity.

As a journalist, Lena is Kara’s subject; Lena is Kara’s source; Lena is, on occasion, Kara’s cause to champion; and, as a journalist, it’s important to maintain those kinds of relationships by, say, getting together for lunch every once in a while.

But, for the most part, that’s as far as Kara lets it go. Lena is never allowed into the rest of Kara’s personal life (some might argue ‘Why would she? The others don’t trust Lena!’ like inviting her to Game Night one time wouldn’t solve that problem), and never goes to Lena for support with her own problems (Lena isn’t even allowed to know Mon-El’s real name, never mind what he’s done).

The only time in their working relationship where Lena offers support beyond the established parameters is when Snapper won’t publish the alien kidnapping story, and Lena offers the VERY Luthoresque solution of, essentially, screw everyone and do what you want, in complete opposition to both journalistic ethics and the concept of El Mariayah; which results in both Kara losing her job AND Alex being trapped on the ship after Lillian is forced into early launch (a very Pacific Rim** beat right there).

And after Kara’s fired, and that professional objectivity doesn’t apply anymore, and Lena comes to Kara with a personal problem that isn’t related to Cadmus? Kara makes it about the job: investigating Jack, and violating Lena’s personal boundaries by crashing their dinner while pretending to offer her support (‘Creepy journalism’ indeed). And once it’s over; yes, Lena forgives her, and Kara tells Lena she’ll be there for her, but what else are either of them going to do? Lena’s grieving, she’s having an existential crisis, and Kara is her only means of emotional support.

I find this conflict between journalistic objectivity and genuine friendship interesting, and hope they explore it properly in Season 3, especially given the interview above: what happens when Kara’s need to do her job well requires her to, more or less, betray her friend?

What happens when it gets ‘leaked’ that Lena isn’t as pro-Supergirl as she likes to pretend? ('Did you know he was dating Kara Danvers’ is going to bite SOMEONE in the ass, right?)

What happens when those aliens detectors means aliens start being denied service, or are subject to personal attacks, and Kara prints Lena’s response RIGHT NEXT to the answers Lena gave a year before?

What happens when Kara decides that L-Corp is doing some shady shit, and needs investigating? What happens if Kara believes that the 'responsible’ party for that shady shit is a fall guy, and keeps investigating L-Corp after he’s revealed (because if Lena WANTED to get up to shady shit, the evidence trail would absolutely lead to someone else)?

And what happens when, after all of this, Lena discovers that her good friend Kara Danvers, who 'trusts’ Lena completely, has been LYING to her for over a year?

Compelling television, that’s what happens.

And then, in 3x01, out of what she would probably describe as necessity, Lena buys Catco; and, in 3x02, announces she’s going to be very hands-on.

And that changes everything.

The potential for objectivity is now gone.

The carefully established boundaries are now gone.

It’s a big mess - the kind that Kara doesn’t need during this time in her life, and doesn’t do well with regardless - and that’s fun.

First, let’s talk about Lena.

Last season, Lena couldn’t get the transmat portal working, and so Rhea gave a fairly arch speech, one which can be considered a metaphor for Lena’s main conflict: the choice between power and balance.

Lex chose power. Luthors always do. Lena, as demonstrated during the above metaphor, has the same instinct. But, as we all know, power corrupts. It’s a testament to Lena’s character that she hasn’t been corrupted already; although, that being said, she has always had less power than Lex, and the advantage of having watched his cautionary tale unfold right in front of her eyes.

And now, she’s bought Catco, to keep it out of the hands of Morgan Edge, who she knows will use it 'to attack [his] enemies, and promote [his] own agenda’.

She possesses that power now. What will stop her from wielding it? Not in a super-villain behold-the-mighty-electro-ray sort of way, but a just-this-once, just-a-little sort of way? What’s to prevent her from suggesting that one of her reporters obfuscate or exaggerate a story, just to bring Edge down a peg or two? And, of course, if she does it once, and there’s no consequence… what stops her from doing it again? Our faith in her? Perhaps.

You may ask what prevented Cat from doing the same thing, but Cat - despite her connections - was ALWAYS a journalist, first and foremost; Lena is an old-money industrialist, and is largely protected from such things as tangible consequences by a protective bubble of wealth, power and privilege. The only thing she really need worry about is being held publically accountable; and in this, Catco’s power also doubles as a shield. It’s the main press outlet in her home city; if she owns it, who will hold her accountable? And will she permit them too?

What happens when the blow-back from the alien detector starts (okay, this doesn’t seem to be likely, given the season so far…)? What happens when the kids poisoned by the lead device start popping up (and please, for the love of God, show-writers; MAKE IT ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN HER)?

Does she try to kill the story?

Bury it?

Render it vague enough that no one knows what’s really going on?

Or will she choose balance? Will she allow the facts about what she’s done and what the consequences are to become public knowledge, and thereby hinder the Great Luthor Comeback once again?

And how will she cope with that when it happens?

Then, there’s Kara; and there’s two aspects to how this affects her: there’s the job, and then there’s their friendship.

With regard to the job; as mentioned before, the objectivity Kara maintained throughout the past is now gone. Her ability to hold Lena accountable, should she feel it necessary, has been compromised.

What does she do if Lena asks her to be her voice in the press? What does she do if Lena asks her to be the one exaggerating or obfuscating the story? What if Lena asks her to drop a story that needs to be out there, or to cover a non-story because it’ll make Edge look bad? What if Kara agrees the first time, and then the second time it’s much worse?

What if Lena ORDERS Kara to do this?

What if James does, and Kara feels that it’s less to do with journalism than *other* things that might be going on with him (James’s need for validation and approval being his only consistent character flaw on the show)?

What kind of disagreements is she going to have with Snapper Carr over this (let’s face it, Snapper is NOT going to be happy about taking instruction from a monied interest to whom the press should be a burden, not a servant)? When will she take Lena’s side? When will she take Snapper’s?

If Lena doesn’t choose balance… will Kara force balance upon her, as an objective journalist *should*?

And then there’s their friendship.

In season two, Kara had complete control. Lena gets to see Kara when - and only when - Kara says it’s okay. At the start of 3x01, it’s even more imbalanced: Kara is shutting Lena out, and Lena knows it; their interactions now more perfunctory than ever.

Lena buying Catco swings the pendulum WAAAY in the other direction.

She’s ALWAYS there now. Kara can’t go and be Supergirl without getting questions (which Kara describes as 'new and horrible’ - note, not having to answer, but the questions themselves), and any deflection towards work - her previous go-to - will result in questions about work; which means she has to outright lie.

It’s okay for now, but Lena now knows enough to know that Kara keeps secrets, and she’s *good* at it. She knows that Kara lied about 'Mike’ really being Mon-El; she knows that Kara lies about how much Mon-El’s 'death’ affects her; and, as of 3x04, she knows that Kara lies about what happened to him. Easily.

This may inspire excitement from the 'Lena knows!’ crowd, but consider: Lena believes the Luthors are the most perceptive people in the world. She’s already proven - to herself, even, in 2x08 - that they are not (They are, however, the undisputed kings and queens of believing their own bullshit). But that’s not the same as being oblivious.

Add to this the new friendship with Sam; the fact that Alex & Maggie have been brought into the friendship group as well; the impending James/Lena relationship: Lena is now firmly - and I’m using this word very carefully - embedded into Kara’s life. The only important people in Kara’s life that Lena doesn’t frequently spend time with are Winn and J'onn: J'onn probably won’t be that much of a problem; but while Lena believes Alex to be FBI, she *knows* Winn is DEO, and any story that explains how Winn is part of this group will expose at least one part of The Secret (James? Alex? Kara?), which will eventually lead to the whole thing coming crashing down.

How long before Kara is exposed? How far does this go before Kara *gives up* trying to keep The Secret? What will push her to reveal herself? Will it be accidental? Coerced? Out of necessity? Or will it be voluntary, which, so far, has only happened with Winn?

And why is she still keeping it anyway, if she completely trusts her friend? How much of that trust is false? How much of it will Lena *consider* false when she learns the truth?

How much will keeping The Secret provoke a reaction that justifies keeping The Secret in the first place?

These are great questions to explore as a writer, and - as a viewer - great to watch get resolved. There was a lot of wheel-spinning in the second half of season two (Kreisberg himself has described it as 'table-setting’), but it was setting the table for this, and I’m excited to see where they take it.

One more thing, though (and thank you for scrolling this far);

Lena 'knows’ there was something between Mon-El and Supergirl, but since he’s gone, doesn’t seem to have brought it up with Kara (or indeed, Supergirl). And why would she? It would only cause her unnecessary pain.

So, what happens when he comes back?

#meta #do not tag the fucking show

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rainydawgradioblog · 7 years ago

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Music Review - Melodrama by Lorde

A baby Lorde. (Photo by Garth Badger)

When 17-year-old Ella Yelich-O’Connor – better known by her stage name Lorde – released her debut EP The Love Club in 2013, the world wasn’t ready. The young New Zealander immediately caught the attention of the masses with her single “Royals”. The low, hypnotic voice; the enticing beat; the choir echoing and harmonizing throughout the verses and chorus. Add in her offbeat style and knack for dark imagery in the lyrics and you’ve got yourself an unlikely superstar. Her appearance was almost as unusual as her music. The young girl constantly utilized the drama of dark lipstick and the mysteriousness of dark clothing. YouTube exploded with videos showing how to achieve her long, thick, cascading curls and sharp winged eyeliner from the “Royals” music video. This EP release was followed up with the release of her debut album Pure Heroine on September 27th, 2013. The album became the anthem of misunderstood young women everywhere. The world loved and embraced Lorde. We gave her a Grammy, a platinum album, and an endless amount of attention and adoration.

And then, she left.

Lorde disappeared when the world needed her most. No one could say for sure exactly where she was, what she was doing, who she was with. Some theorized Taylor Swift was holding her hostage in her basement; others said that she was growing up and needed time out of the spotlight, that the creative process can’t happen in a single year and Lorde isn’t the kind of artist to just spit out an album once a year because she’s a true artist and true artistry takes time to perfect. (I, for one, wholeheartedly believed in the Taylor Swift kidnapping theory. She has sketchy eyes.) She was still posting on social media, yes, but none of it had anything to do with new music. While she was gone, she made many subtle changes that went unnoticed on the global radar - her relationship with her then-boyfriend quietly ended; she cut off those famous long, curly locks; her image changed from dark to light. Ella was reinventing herself not only image-wise but also her sound. She was growing and gosh darn it, she was going to make sure that we followed her journey of self-discovery with her. She took the time to write out what was happening and put it into an album for us, an album appropriately titled Melodrama.

(Photo by Arkan Zakharov)

So, here I am. A devout fan of this alternative beauty. I snatched up Melodrama the second this baby was released and I listened the shit out of it. Without further ado, here are my thoughts on this auditory masterpiece. (Songs included because I love you and want to bless your ears as much as Lorde blessed mine.)

“Green Light” Thoughts: This song is an excellent start to the album. At first, the flow of the words with the instrumental can be a bit disorienting because it doesn’t follow the typical time signature of most songs but once those piano keys start, the song goes off. Her heart is broken but she is ready to dance her pants off. Standout lyrics: ‘Cause honey I’ll come get my things but I can’t let go / Oh I wish I could get my things and just let go Playlist you would add this to: You Broke My Heart, Please Let Me Go

“Sober” Thoughts: Once when I was 18 my mom and I drank wine together and watched Moana and I was feeling slightly buzzed and this song reminds me of that moment, except this is a lot more doom-and-gloom. It’s about being under the influence but without a lot of the fun, like when you’re so high and you KNOW you’re so high but you want to stop being so high. The entire time in the background she chants “Night, midnight, lose my mind” and boy howdy is she losing it, but to an excellent beat. Her voice conveys such strong emotions throughout the entire song, it’s enchanting. Standout lyrics: Oh God, I’m clean out of air in my lungs / It’s all gone, played it so nonchalant / It’s time we dance with the truth Playlist you would add this to: Holy Shit I Smoked Way Too Much and I Need to Lie Down Someone Find Me a Dog to Pet

“Homemade Dynamite” Thoughts: Lorde is a huge fan of harmonizing and layering her own voice, especially in the pre-chorus and chorus and this song is no different from that formula she tends to follow. As a result, the hook definitely will get stuck in your head and will inspire you to “blow shit up”. It certainly inspired me. (No it didn’t. I wanted to sound edgy.) Honestly, this song is not one of my favorites and I prefer the remix featuring Khalid, SZA, and Post Malone (that you can listen to here) but it isn’t a song I dislike, ya feel? Standout lyrics: Don’t know you super well / But I think that you might be the same as me / Behave abnormally / Let’s let things come out of the woodwork / I’ll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies Playlist you would add this to: Songs that Remind Me of That One Time I Accidentally Exploded a Beaker in Chemistry Class

“The Louvre” Thoughts: The Louvre is an angelic song. It’s soft and sweet and embodies springtime in Paris and pure childish happiness. It makes me want to flounce around a wildflower meadow at the base of Mount Rainier. In one word, this song is cute. The guitar in the background of the verses is simple, but just enough. I really do adore this song. Sure, she’s also speaking about her happiness fading and how it’s like old art hanging in a museum, but it’s nice and if you don’t focus too hard you would have no problem calling this an alternative-pop love song. I would like to hear this performed with an orchestra in the background; it would be transcendent. Standout lyrics: But lover, you’re the one to blame, all that you’re doing / Can you hear the violence? / Megaphone to my chest / Broadcast the boom, boom, boom and make ‘em all dance to it Playlist that you would add this to: Art Museum Visit Super Hype Alternative Exciting I Love Art Hell Yeah

“Liability” Thoughts: Heartbreak 101, ladies and gentlemen. That happiness from the song before has completely vanished; Ella is really hurting in this. A strong opposition to the heavy house party beats of the previous songs, a piano carries the instrumental for this slow, mournful ballad with lyrics that are painfully raw and honest. I can relate to these lyrics and the first time I heard it a single tear reminiscent of Cry Baby rolled down my cheek. If your heart has been broken and you want a good ol’ fashioned weep this is the song for you. Standout lyrics: I know that it’s exciting / Running through the night, but / Every perfect summer’s eating me alive / Until you’re gone Playlist that you would add this to: Not Gonna Lie, I Thought This Would be More Gay

“Hard Feelings/Loveless” Thoughts: This. Fucking. Song. Y’all, this has been my absolute all-time favorite song from the moment I heard it. It’s split into two parts, Hard Feelings and Loveless. Much like Liability, she sings of heartbreak in Hard Feelings, but more in the stage where you are on the verge of being able to move on from this and enter a new chapter of your life. It’s delicate and brings images of sitting on the floor in a dark room illuminated by candles, cutting flowers so you bring a new sense of life into the home you’re learning to build without your lover by your side. Loveless completely flips the script - there is a short spoken intro by Paul Simon before it launches into the beat and the chanting that will stick in your head all day: “We’re L-O-V-E-L-E-S-S / Generation / All fuckin’ our lovers heads / Generation.” Standout lyrics: I light all the candles / Cut flowers for all my rooms / I care for myself the way I used to care about you Playlist that you would add this to: I’m Cryign and I Can’at OTYpe Correnclty Oh GmY GD

“Sober II (Melodrama)” Thoughts: I’m guessing Lorde went to a party, or threw one herself and right in the middle of it she realized how sick she was of the aesthetic of parties. Like, she literally says “Gotta wonder why we bother?” Nonetheless, this song is kind of a melancholic, slow journey accompanied by dramatic string instruments that you tack onto the back of Sober (this is entitled Sober II after all) when she’s coming off of her high and having an increasingly-large existential crisis. Standout lyrics: All the terror and the horror / Gotta wonder why we bother? / All the glamour and the drama / And the fuckin’ melodrama / All the gunfights and the limelights / And the holy sick divine nights Playlist that you would add this to: I Watched Romeo + Juliet Once and Now I Wish I Was Claire Danes

“Writer In the Dark” Thoughts: The grand piano makes its grand return in this tune. Do not underestimate Ella in this song, folks; she’s sad but she’s turning that emotion into anger. This ballad is stripped back and vocally-powerful. She warns her audience that falling in love and breaking the heart of a writer will come back to bite you in the ass because writers will immortalize you with their words and melodies, and you may not like the outcome. Ouch. Maybe the violins at the end will soothe the wounds she just bit into your skin with her words. Standout lyrics: I am my mother’s child / I’ll love you ‘til my breathing stops / I’ll love you ‘til you call the cops on me Playlist you would add this to: Songs That Could Have Been on the Kill Bill, Vol. 1 Soundtrack

“Supercut” Thoughts: Awaken, my love! Lorde sees the light in this song. She realizes that idolizing a relationship does nothing but cause pain when the reality of it all fails to live up to the expectations built in her head. Us listeners are privileged enough to follow along with her journey and hear her reach this discovery. There’s a beat that refuses to quit and demands your attention in the background of the song that will, like all her songs, inevitably get stuck in your head. Arguably the best part of the song is the bridge when her voice is but an echo, stating what I think are the standout lyrics; she ends this with a loud yell. It’s such a small moment in the song but it stands out to me - honestly, it’s mostly that yell. It’s like when you feel so much in one moment all you can do is scream. I feel ya, Lorde. Standout lyrics: In my head I do everything right / When you call I forgive, and not fight / All the moments I play in the dark / Wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart Playlist you would add this to: It’s Summer, I Got My Hat On Backwards and It’s Time to Frickin Party

“Liability (Reprise)” Thoughts: This song is like a sweet caress on the cheek from the hand of healing. Typically, a reprise is the same instrumental from an earlier song but the lyrics have changed to fit the epiphany whoever is singing has had; this is Lorde’s epiphany. The instrumental has changed in this song - it’s more of a soft keyboard against a periodic metronome-like beat and Lorde’s choir of Lorde. In fact, the only thing from Liability this song has is the echo of the word liability but in this instance she is speaking to herself saying that she is not a liability, no, she is much more than this. It’s a sweet song of self-assurance. Standout lyrics: And maybe all this is the party / Maybe the tears and the highs we breathe / Oh, no / And maybe all this is the party / Maybe we just do it violently / But you’re not what you thought you were Playlist you would add this to: I’m Broken Right Now, but This Too Shall Pass

“Perfect Places” Thoughts: Aaaand our favorite party girl is back! This is the end of an emotional melodramatic rollercoaster and it’s the perfect sendoff. The entire song is spent split between a low and high harmony and it creates a pleasing blend to listen to. I don’t think anyone can really resist when she sings with that low, sultry rasp. Perhaps one of the most fun parts of the song is right before the first chorus when she makes a sound, a slight chh-chh. Singing along with that makes the song one of my favorites. Perfect Places perfectly encaptures how it feels being young and 19 and unsure of where you’re going in life but you’re at a party so you might as well party anyway and forget about your responsibilities for a minute. Standout lyrics: I hate the headlines and the weather / I’m 19 and I’m on fire / But when we’re dancing, I’m alright / It’s just another graceless night Playlist you would add this to: I’m Hyperaware of My Youth and How I Cannot Control Time and It Gives Me an Existential Crisis but Hey, Let’s Party Anyway !

Overall, this album gave birth to me. I cannot stress how much I love it. I’m at a really weird place in my life right now where I’m unsure about so many things in my future and it’s stressful as hell - I’ve had many emotional nights in my dorm room where I feel so tiny and alone in this whole wide world. The thing about Lorde is that she feels this way too, and she put it into an album for me. She’s only a couple of years older than me and a lot of this album was being put together when she was my age. She gets me. One of the best things for a young woman at this stage of life is being able to find someone, something to relate to and grasping onto that so you don’t feel so insane and Ella gave that to me. She’s given me a timeless album that I can listen to again and again and not grow sick of because I know what she means. She’s saying everything so I don’t have to and I am endlessly grateful to her that she gave me such a meaningful piece of art that I know I’ll cherish for a long, long time.

Emotions aside - she’s coming to Seattle in March! I’ll be there! Definitely crying, definitely dancing. She’ll be on tour with frickin Run The Jewels and Tove Styrke, performing March 9th at Key Arena. Tickets range from $35 to $96 and they are still on sale if you click this link right here. I hope to see you all there.

Camryn Del Donno

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