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sulkycatart · 10 months ago

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About the OC

1: What is your character��s full name?

Christopher (Chris) Johnathon Shelby

2: What is their birth?

July 9

3: What is/are your character’s favorite show(s)?

I don’t know much about tv but he definitely likes things like Trailer Park Boys, Bob’s Burgers, Parks and Rec, etc...

4: What kind of drug(s) does your character do?

He’s dabbled in a lot actually. He had a pretty strong party phase in his teens. He used to do a lot of hard drugs when he was way too young, and it messed with his head a lot. He stays away from most things now since it interferes with his meds.

5: Favorite brand when it comes to shoes?

Vans or Docs.

6: Where does your OC buy most of their clothes? Who pays for them?

Honestly he gets a lot from thrift stores or borrowing shit from his friends. He’s had a job since high school so he pays for his own stuff. He just avoids buying things he doesn't really need.

7: Can your character cook anything well? If so, what?

He can cook enough to feed himself and his sister. It isn’t his favorite thing to do so he rarely gets creative, but he isn’t clueless in the kitchen by any means.

8: Would your character sacrifice a friend for $10,000,000

No.

9: What song does your character always sing in the shower?

He often sings in the shower, the song just depends on his mood for the day. Usually things he and his friends have written since he’s in a band. It’s good practice.

10: As a child, what did your OC wanna be when they grew up?

A doctor.

11: Favorite kind of alcohol?

Straight vodka.

12: Who is/are your OC’s best friend(s)?

Jacob and Raine.

13: Favorite store?

He likes browsing the outside garden section of Lowe’s.

14: Favorite book?

Catcher in the Rye

15: Most visited website(s)?

Probably Youtube or somewhere that he can listen to music and watch videos.

16: If your OC was a character from King of the Hill who would they be?

This is random lol. Probably that one kid.. John Redcorn’s kid?

17: Propane or charcoal?

Charcoal.

18: Favorite troll from Homestuck?

I don’t know anything about Homestuck.

19: Has your character ever complained about how Invader Zim got canceled?

Yep.

20: Nintendo or Sony?

Nintendo.

21: Favorite video game(s)?

Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Party, Dragon Quest

22: What’s the password they use for everything?

They don’t use the same password for everything.

23: What was their email in the 6th grade?

Definitely something with sk8r in it.

24: Does your character tan or burn?

Burns and then tans.

25: What invisible illness does your OC live with?

Depression, anxiety, severe PTSD, and psychosis.

26: If charged by a swarm of wild animals, what wild animal would scare your character the most?

Moose.

27: Everybody Loves Raymond comes on but the batteries in the remote are dead. Does your character watch ELR or get up and change it?

He just watches it.

28: What was their favorite disney show as a kid?

I don’t think he was a Disney channel kid. More like Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network.

29: If your character is LGBT+, when and how did they realize?

It started with a crush on their friend Bello in middle school. The feelings weren’t mutual but he couldn’t deny his attraction for him and just sort of accepted his sexuality after that. He’s always been surrounded by friends who are LGBT+ so he never felt the need to hide it from himself or anyone else.

30: Who are your OC’s celebrity crushes?

Hayley Williams from Paramore and Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day.

31: How does your character want to die? How do they actually die?

He wants to die around people he loves. He just really doesn’t want to be alone. I haven’t written a death for him.

32: How does your OC deal with having a crush on someone?

He’s very shy. They almost never realize his feelings because he’s too nervous to actually approach them.

33: Did your OC cry at the end of Balto?

Yes.

34: What Bands does your character own merch to?

Nirvana, Green Day, etc...

35: Emo, scene, goth, or punk?

He’s kind of a mix. Grunge/punk/emo with his own things thrown in.

36: Does your OC use words or fists to argue?

Depends on the situation. He’s not a good fighter but he’s also not afraid of getting beat up.

37: Did your OC read the book The Secret? Did it change their lives?

No.

38: Did you character get deeper into My Little Pony than they let on?

No lol

39: Spotify or Pandora?

Spotify.

40: Do they pay for music or download it off the web?

Download it.

41: iPhone or Android?

Android.

42: Most used emoji?

☹

43: Do they get lost on IMDB for hours looking up random movie trivia?

Only when the mood strikes.

44: Remember when Donnie Darko was about to jerk off in his therapists office that was fucked up

He gets it.

45: Does your character think Elijah Wood’s is hot?

No.

46: Does your character believe in the Illuminati

Probably yeah.

47: What do you think youtube would recommend your character watch?

Lots of music videos and conspiracy channels.

48: Your OC stops at a gas station to buy a drink. What did they buy?

The white Monster energy or Sprite.

49: Does your character have an enemy/rival?

Himself.

50: What kind of blog would/does your character have?(ie: food, aesthetic, SJW, porn, b&w, anime, etc..)

Aesthetic blog with lots of pictures of cemataries, flowers, and forests. Aka my other side blog @coffinpriince

Stolen from @bunnles

#oc meme #oc #about my ocs

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zalrb · 3 years ago

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So I looked to make sure and I didn’t see it so I wanted to ask: who are some actors and actresses that you feel have surprisingly good comedic timing?

I've been thinking about this, I don't think there has been an actor or actress where I was like oh, you're surprisingly funny, it's more like, realizing the comedy they bring to a role elevates the character? So I talk about that a lot with Leighton where I've just been like, legit, Blair would not work if Leighton wasn't funny, she'd be a nightmare, which I’m sure is a post in the TV master list.

Or with Susan Kelechi and Beth, I don’t think anyone else on the show is as funny as her and I’m not sure they’re meant to be which adds a layer to Beth’s character and Susan’s comic timing is great

I talk about that with Joe Pesci and particularly his role as Tommy in GoodFellas because Tommy is frightening as fuck but is also really funny and that's another layer to his character and Joe Pesci’s comedic timing is great, this entire scene was improvised

and like the only reason why he's there is because he needs to borrow a knife from his mother's kitchen to cut the man he has in the trunk into pieces, it’s bizarre.

Or it’s not realizing how good someone’s comedic timing is, like I don’t really care much for Ray Romano and obviously I knew he was comedian but I remember watching the bloopers for Everybody Loves Raymond and I didn’t realize how much of it was his improv and there’s a bit he has with Patricia Heaton where they just go back and forth and back and forth until he ends it because he kept coming up with things and they would’ve been there forever so I was like interesting. There’s another blooper I really like where he kept making Brad Garrett break character and laugh with every insult he threw at Robert ntil finally they did a take where Brad didn’t laugh and Ray was like .... it’s not funny and Brad was like nope.

Obviously Jonah Hill comes from comedic roles and has recently been doing dramatic roles and I found him funny in, like, Superbad and 21 Jumpstreet and This Is The End so I know he’s funny and he can be dramatic but when he’s funny in a dramatic role I’m always like oh you managed to bring that in the there, I’m surprised but I’m not mad, like to me he carried Don’t Look Up because he was hilarious and I get that the movie was supposed to be satirically funny but no one really made the comedy work but he did

If I am surprised by comedy it’s usually a show or a movie being funny. Like The Dropout is really funny at times and I was like, so that’s unexpected, Severance can also be pretty funny. The Sopranos is hilarious.

Oh, wait, no, that’s not true, I think I remember being surprised that Jon Hamm was funny because I had only seen him in Mad Men and Don can be funny, like in his responses and his irony but he’s not funny, then I saw him in Bridesmaids and I was like, lmao what? Which I’m sure was the point.

And then John Slattery talked about how he and Jon would compare their lines on Mad Men and John would be like oh look at all the lines they gave you and Jon was like, well, look at all the jokes they gave you, so.

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chicgeekgirl89 · 3 years ago

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Home is Us

Fandom: 911 Lone Star

Characters: Carlos Reyes, T.K. Strand, Owen Strand, Judd Ryder, Tommy Vega, Mateo Chavez

Summary: In the aftermath of the condo fire, Carlos and T.K. seek comfort in one another. Post ep for 2x12 "The Big Heat."

A/N: This is my rather belated post ep for 2x12. And it would not have happened without @bluenet13. Literally. I agonized over this SO MUCH and she listened to all my whining and didn't let me cut the part about Marlon Blendo so I owe her everything.

AO3

The night air was cool and still, the stars sparkling brightly in the sky, but the stench of smoke obliterated any sense of peace or calm. T.K. could feel Carlos’ hand gripping his shoulder with bruising force as they burst out the front doors and onto the lawn, both of them gasping and coughing.

Tommy came running toward them. “Are you all right?” she asked urgently, eyes and hands searching for damage. “Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m, I’m okay,” T.K. choked out. “Carlos?”

He shook his head, coughing violently. “I’m fine too.”

“T.K.!”

His dad came charging toward him, wrapping him up a fierce hug. “Oh my god,” he breathed into T.K.’s hair and then his other arm was pulling Carlos in too, squeezing them both with every bit of strength he had. “Are you boys all right?”

“We’re good, Dad,” T.K. said, even though he was shaking violently, adrenaline coursing through his veins so fast he felt lightheaded. “What the hell? How did you guys even know we were in trouble?”

“Raymond said something earlier today and I just put the pieces together,” Owen said. “I’m so sorry, I should have figured it out sooner.”

There were sirens screaming up now, ambulances and firetrucks, and Tommy put a hand on Owen’s shoulder. “Okay, there will be time to talk about this later. Right now all of you need to get checked out by the paramedics. No objections,” she said quickly when several mouths opened to protest. “A little oxygen never hurt anybody. Come on now.”

T.K. moved follow her and then realized Carlos wasn’t behind him. He turned to find his boyfriend still rooted to the spot, staring straight ahead at the burning building. “Babe?” T.K. reached for his arm.

Carlos startled at his touch and cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m coming.”

He was quiet as they sat on the back of the ambulance, answering questions with yes or no answers, eyes and body listless as they checked him over for injuries. T.K. had never seen his boyfriend look so small.

They were both given oxygen and then Tommy reappeared, blankets in hand that she wrapped comfortingly around their shoulders, her mom tendencies coming out in full force. “Is everyone else all right?” T.K. asked, pushing his mask to the side.

“They’ve all got some first and second degree burns, but they’ll heal up all right. How are you two doing?”

“It could have been a lot worse,” T.K. said.

“Carlos?” Tommy asked, her eyes softening and taking on a new level of concern.

He met her eyes and nodded. “I’m okay.”

She looked at him a moment longer and then reached out to give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I’m going to go check on the guys. You two stay right here and do as you’re told, got it?”

It wasn’t long before the paramedics released them with instructions to take it easy, stay hydrated, and head to the emergency room if they experienced any concerning symptoms. T.K. was still in disbelief that they’d escaped so unharmed. It was nothing short of miraculous, if you believed in that kind of thing.

Carlos spoke as they walked away from the ambulance, his voice quiet. “I should uh, I should call my parents,” he said.

“Do you want me to do it?” T.K. asked.

Carlos shook his head, already pulling out his phone. “No. No it’s um, they should hear it from me.”

He dialed, taking a shaky breath as he waited for someone to pick up. “Hey Dad.”

The conversation was painful, even from T.K.’s end. He couldn’t make out Gabriel’s words through the phone, but he could hear the unbridled fear in his voice. Carlos on the other hand sounded almost monotone, relaying the story and pertinent information in painfully exact detail, but without an ounce of emotion behind it, slipping back and forth between English and Spanish as he explained.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard him sound so upset before,” Carlos said, when he hung up.

“Yeah.” T.K. looked at his boyfriend who seemed to be refusing to look back. “Carlos? How are you doing?” he finally asked.

“I’m good,” Carlos said, eyes darting toward him and then away. It was clearly a brush off and they both knew it. So T.K. waited.

And then he watched as his boyfriend broke in front of him, anguish and fear spilling out like a wave until they were both clinging to one another as Carlos’ quiet sobs wracked his frame over and over again.

“Shh,” T.K. soothed, struggling to provide some kind of real comfort when he felt so raw himself. “Breathe. We’re okay. That’s all that matters.”

“I should have known, I should have made the alarm company come out today.”

“Carlos listen to me, none of this is your fault.” T.K. pulled him in tighter, desperate to do something to ease his pain.

“If I had just looked around, if we had waited ten more minutes to go upstairs—“

“We had no way of knowing.”

Carlos pulled back, still shaky. “You can’t really believe that. There’s always something. I should have done better.”

T.K. cupped his face in his hands. “Baby why are you beating yourself up over this so much?”

“Because I’m supposed to protect you!” Carlos said, the words coming out on a ragged sob. “That’s my job. To keep people safe. And when it came down to it I couldn’t protect you. The person I care about most in this world I couldn’t—”

T.K. used his thumbs to wipe away some of Carlos’ tears, clearing his throat, trying to keep his own tears at bay. “Listen to me. We’re a team, remember? We protect each other. You and me. Not just you.”

Carlos shook his head, face still contorted in misery. T.K. pulled him back in again and pressed a kiss to his hair. “It’s okay to be upset. But you cannot blame yourself for this. This was not your fault, do you hear me?”

Carlos nodded against his shoulder, but T.K. wasn’t completely convinced his words had gotten through.

Carlos took a shuddering breath and stepped away, wiping at his eyes and T.K. watched the wall go back up; the one Carlos had carefully constructed around him that meant he was always completely even-tempered and never out of control. “We should uh, we should go check on your dad and everybody. Tell them thank you.”

“Yeah, sure,” T.K. said, feeling like he probably should be saying something more, but unable to find the words.

Carlos was already moving toward the group gathered at the back of the ambulance and T.K. had no choice but to follow him. “You guys all right?” T.K. asked as Judd pulled him in for a side hug.

“We’re just glad you’re both okay,” Judd told him. “Everything check out with the paramedics?”

“We both ate a little bit of smoke, but we’re okay,” T.K. said. “Honestly though,” he swallowed hard, “we probably wouldn’t be here without you guys. So thank you.”

“You’re just lucky your dad drives so fast. I didn’t know he had it in him, what with him being such a city slicker,” Billy said with a chuckle.

“My driving is impeccable and I always drive the exact speed limit. Except in emergency situations,” Owen said, casting a look at Carlos.

Carlos managed to scrounge up half a smile but didn’t say anything.

A truck came screeching to a stop just behind the ambulance and Gabriel Reyes jumped out. The man looked truly shaken, eyes wild as he ran toward them. “Carlos! Mijo are you all right?”

“I’m okay Dad,” Carlos told him as they hugged.

“Gracias a Dios. You’re all okay?” Gabriel asked, looking around the group.

“We got out just in time,” Owen said. “Minor injuries only.”

“Which is more than we can say for the condo,” Judd said. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t do more Carlos, he had that place rigged up good.”

Carlos shook his head. “You did everything you could and we’re…” he swallowed hard and T.K. could tell he was blinking back more tears, “we’re very grateful.”

“Have they taken your statements yet?” Gabriel asked.

“Yeah, about half an hour ago,” T.K. said. Officers had come around while they were still sitting at the back of the ambulance and written down what little they knew. Nothing like telling complete strangers that you hadn’t realized your house was burning down around you because you were upstairs having sex with your boyfriend.

“Then there’s no reason you need to be standing around here,” Gabriel said. “You know the ranch is open to you both. Your mother is worried sick, she would be very happy to have you.” He turned to look at Owen. “But perhaps you would rather be closer to work? The ranch is a bit of a drive.”

“Well of course you’re welcome to stay at my place,” Owen said. “There’s plenty of space and Buttercup would love to have you around. But I’m sure Andrea wants you close to her.”

Gabriel shook his head. “I think they’re better off here in town. Andrea will understand. There will be a lot of paperwork to deal with in the coming days, they need to be readily available.”

“Well of course, but I’m not sure how much I can provide in the way of hospitality right now. The investigators didn’t really clean things up when they left,” Owen said meaningfully.

“Not a problem,” Gabriel said, taking out his phone. “I can have a crew there in the morning. It should never have taken this long in the first place. You know sometimes they drag their feet on these things.”

“Oh it’s no problem,” Owen said, waving him off. “Worth it in the end.”

The dads debated a while longer before they decided an exhausted T.K. and Carlos would stay with Owen for the time being to be closer to work and to their former condo for whatever overhaul was necessary. By that point neither of them really cared where they ended up as long as there was a shower and a bed waiting for them.

Owen elected to stay at the scene with Gabriel so Judd drove Carlos and T.K. home. Neither of them said much, still in a state of shock and Judd was mindful enough not to try and fill the truck with conversation.

The house was dark, Mateo asleep for the night. Buttercup looked up as they came in and gave half a tail wag before settling back down again.

“I think I left a couple sweatshirts and pairs of pants here,” T.K. said, searching through the drawers in his dad’s guest room.

“Mmhmm,” Carlos said. He’d sunk onto the end of the bed and was staring blankly at the wall.

“Hey,” T.K. stopped his search and went to him, cupping his face in his hands. “Why don’t you go get in the shower? I’ll find us something to change into and bring it to you.”

Carlos nodded tiredly and disappeared down the hall. T.K. stood for a moment chewing on his lip. He felt lost, adrift, trying to process and deal with his own feelings of grief and stomach churning worry, and Carlos seemed miles away. T.K. didn’t know what to do except to try and meet his physical needs.

He managed to scrounge up a pair of sweats and a t-shirt he thought would do the job. They might be a little tight, but at least Carlos wouldn’t be sleeping in the stench of his smoky clothes.

T.K. knocked softly on the bathroom door before stepping inside and putting the clothes on the counter. “You all right?” he asked.

Carlos sniffed and cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

T.K. gathered up Carlos’ soiled clothes from the floor and dumped them into the washer, intending to add his after he had his own shower. He heard the water turn off and a minute later the bathroom door opened. “I’m done,” Carlos called softly down the hall.

“I’ll be quick,” T.K. said, switching places with him.

The water felt good and he watched as soot and sweat and ash slithered down the drain. He took longer than he meant to, almost lulled to sleep by the soothing pound of the water against his back. Eventually it grew cool and he turned it off, stepping out to try and squeeze into a pair of sweatpants that belonged to his dad and a t-shirt he didn’t recognize but had found in the clean laundry.

T.K. left the bathroom still toweling off his hair. He crept quietly toward the guest room; Buttercup didn’t even move as he stepped over him in the hallway. Opening the door he winced when it squeaked, fully expecting to find Carlos completely sacked out in the bed, more than ready to join his boyfriend in blissful sleep.

Instead he found the room empty and a spiral of fear shot through him so fast it took his breath away. “Carlos?” he whispered, as if the man would suddenly materialize from a dark corner or the tiny closet.

When there was no answer he turned and went back the way he’d come, stepping over Buttercup again, searching the kitchen and the living room before he made his way to the back patio. “Hey,” he said softly when he spotted Carlos sitting on the edge of the outdoor sofa.

Carlos didn’t respond and T.K. felt his worry grow heavier. “Carlos?”

His boyfriend’s shoulders hitched slightly and T.K. walked around the patio furniture to find him hunched over, tears streaming down his face. “Oh baby,” T.K. said, dropping to his knees, hands frantically reaching for him.

“I’m sorry,” Carlos said hoarsely. “I just…I can’t…I’m trying to pull it together but—”

T.K. slipped onto the couch next to him and pulled him into his arms. “You don’t have to be okay,” he whispered, his own throat thick with emotion. “No one expects that of you.”

Carlos’ voice was hoarse and broken. “I’ve never needed saving before. Not like that.”

“Most people don’t,” T.K. said.

Carlos looked at him, eyes red and swollen. “You were amazing in there. I was…I was panicking and you knew exactly what to do.”

“You’re a police officer,” T.K. said, resting his head on top of Carlos’. “I wouldn’t expect you to know what to do in a five alarm fire. Just like you wouldn’t expect me to know what to do in a shootout.”

Carlos sighed and leaned into him. T.K. bent over and kissed his forehead. “We should try and get some sleep.”

Carlos shook his head again. “I can’t,” he said hoarsely. “I just keep thinking about it over and over again. I’m sorry I’m such a mess—“

“Hey, you don’t need to apologize. Everything you’re feeling is totally normal.”

Carlos swallowed hard. “I know it was just a house. But it was mine. It was the first place I felt like I could be myself. And then you came and it was our home and I—“ Carlos bit his lip and shook his head. “It’s all gone.”

“But I’m not,” T.K. said twining their hands together. “I’m right here. You’ve got me. And I don’t care where we are as long as we’re together. Home is us.” He stroked his thumb up and down on Carlos’ shoulder.

His face sobered as he took a really good, long look at Carlos. Exhaustion and fear still radiated off of him. He looked defeated. Empty. “Let’s at least try to get some sleep,” T.K. said softly, brushing a still-damp, curl from Carlos’ forehead. “We’ll figure things out in the morning.”

He pulled Carlos to his feet and they walked hand in hand back to the guest room. Carlos looked at the clock as he got into bed and groaned. “I have a shift in five hours.”

“You’re not going to work today.” T.K. told him. “They’ll understand.”

Carlos slid down the bed onto his side, leaning up on his elbow, his free hand finding a home on T.K.’s hip. “I meant what I said before. You were incredible tonight T.K. You saved us.”

“I’m pretty sure my dad, Billy, and Judd saved us,” T.K. told him.

Carlos shook his head. “I’m serious. If you hadn’t been there—“

“But I was,” T.K. said firmly. “I was and we’re fine. We’re…going to be fine,” he amended, because god knew there was nothing fine about them right now.

Carlos was quiet for a moment and then laid down all the way so they were face to face. T.K. shifted so they were even closer, needing to feel the warmth of Carlos against his own body. “I don’t think I can sleep,” Carlos said.

“Then we’ll just lie here together,” T.K. told him softly.

They locked eyes, both of them breathing together in the silence, just being together, holding on a little tighter than normal. “I can’t stop seeing it,” Carlos finally whispered. “I was so scared T.K. What if I’d lost you?”

“You didn’t,” T.K. said softly. He leaned in and pressed a tender, reassuring kiss to Carlos’ lips. Carlos didn’t respond so T.K. nudged him gently with his nose and then kissed him again.

It was slow at first, Carlos still drowning so deeply in loss and anxiety, but as T.K. continued to silently encourage him he began to reciprocate. First just one kiss, and then another, this one a little deeper, until they were completely pressed up against each other, hands searching for bare skin, shared breath moving between parted lips.

Things grew heated and T.K. could feel the increasing desperation in Carlos’ kisses so he smoothed a hand soothingly down his spine, pulling back from him just a little bit, forcing him to slow down. “It’s okay,” he murmured as their lips broke apart and came back together. “I’m right here.”

Carlos responded by matching T.K.’s slower kisses, following him rather than leading.

T.K. reached between them and slowly undid the drawstring on his boyfriend’s sweatpants. Carlos broke off the kiss. “Are you sure?”

T.K. nodded, moving his hands underneath Carlos’ shirt, helping him pull it off over his head. They both needed this, to touch, to feel, to reassure themselves that they were alive, that this might have changed their night, but it hadn’t change them.

Carlos started to roll on top of him, but T.K. gently pushed him back down until he was the one on top, chests and hips pressed together, a reversal of their positions from just hours before. Carlos’ hands landed on T.K.’s back, their eyes locking, both of them seeking comfort in the physicality of being together.

“We’re okay,” T.K. said, as much for himself as for Carlos.

Carlos nodded and then closed his eyes as T.K. began pressing kisses into his neck and chest. “We’re okay,” T.K. murmured soothingly every time his lips left Carlos’ skin. “I’m going to say it until you believe it. We’re okay. We will be okay together.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

T.K. woke up in the morning legs still tangled with Carlos’. It took him a moment to remember why he had a pounding headache and his muscles felt tight. Right. Burning condo. Smoke inhalation. Mad dash for their lives.

Carlos was still deeply asleep, for which T.K. was grateful. His boyfriend had drifted off in his arms somewhere around three am and T.K. had quickly followed. He managed to extricate himself without waking Carlos and pulled on some clothes before he headed out to the kitchen in search of painkillers.

Sun was just filtering in the windows, the day already bright and clear. It was incredible how the world could continue to turn, even when everything had just crashed down around you. T.K. found some Advil, leaving it out on the counter, knowing it was likely that Carlos would be in need of some too. Then he moved their now clean, damp clothes from the washer to the dryer. They’d need to go out today and get some essentials.

“T.K.?” Mateo asked in surprise as he appeared at the base of the stairs. “I thought you and Carlos made up?” He paused and frowned in confusion. “Is that my shirt?”

T.K. sighed and launched into an edited version of the night’s events. “Dude,” Mateo said when he finished, a stunned look on his face. “Man that sucks. I’m glad you guys are all right.”

“Yeah, us too,” T.K. said.

“And listen, my house just totally blew up too. It was a rental, so not quite the same, but if you guys need help with any part of this process just let me know. You can borrow my car or laptop or whatever you need.”

“Thanks Mateo,” T.K. said gratefully.

There were footsteps on the stairs and Carlos appeared, eyes bleary and swollen, curls a disheveled mess. There was still a heaviness about him, but he looked better than the night before.

“Hey,” he said, wrapping an arm around T.K.’s waist and giving him a kiss, lingering slightly longer than their normal morning peck. “Hi Mateo.”

“Hey Carlos. T.K. told me about your place, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s definitely not ideal,” Carlos said with a sigh.

“Did you sleep okay?” T.K. asked.

Carlos nodded, then winced. T.K. reached for the bottle of Advil and poured him a glass of water. “Thanks,” Carlos said, swallowing down two pills.

“Did you call your captain?” T.K. asked as Mateo grabbed a protein bar and vacated the kitchen to give them some privacy.

“Yeah he’d already heard. Told me to take the time I need.”

“Good,” T.K. said.

The dryer buzzed. “That’s our clothes,” T.K. said, getting up to retrieve them. “At least you can put on a shirt that fits.”

He tossed Carlos his shirt and pants. Carlos stared down at them, a frown on his face. “You okay?” T.K. asked.

“Why did you throw a shirt at me?”

“What?”

“Last night. We were about to be burned alive and you made me put a shirt on.”

“Oh,” T.K. thought for a second and shrugged as he folded his sweatpants and set them on top of the dryer. “I don’t know. I guess I just…panicked. I was thinking that the temperature drops here at night and I didn’t want you to be cold when we got outside.”

“Our condo was hot as hell, but you were worried I’d be cold?”

T.K. bit his lip and shook his head, a sheepish smile growing on his face. “I don’t know, like I said I panicked. It was the first thought that came to me.”

“Well it was a good one,” Carlos said, slipping his arms around T.K.’s waist. “Standing out there all night with no shirt on would have been pretty uncomfortable.”

T.K. threaded his arms through Carlos’, hands coming to rest on his lower back. “You doing okay this morning?” he asked.

“Better,” Carlos confirmed. “Thank you. I think I just…needed to let it all out. I’m sorry about last night. My head was…”

“Hey,” T.K. shook his head. “No more apologies. No one has anything to apologize for, right?” He brushed a hand over Carlos’ cheek. “Do you want coffee? Or a smoothie?” His eyes went wide as a thought hit him. “Oh no!”

“What? What’s wrong?” Carlos asked, concern dropping over his face like a cloud. T.K.’s distress was so sudden and visceral that he pulled back slightly, eyes searching T.K.’s frame for some kind of injury.

T.K. felt his chest growing tight as anxiety gripped him. “Marlon Blendo! Oh my god, my dad is going to be so upset!”

“Whoa.” Carlos cupped his face in his hands. “I’m sure your dad will be okay. Blenders are replaceable.”

“Carlos he really loved that blender,” T.K. said seriously.

Carlos chuckled. “Here I am, wondering all night long how we’re going to get through this and how you can be so calm when the world has literally gone up in flames, and now you’re losing it over a blender.”

“He was a really good blender!” T.K. pulled away from him and ran a hand through his hair as he took a few aimless steps, more thoughts striking him. “Oh my god my hoodies!”

“I will buy you new hoodies,” Carlos assured him.

“They won’t be the same,” T.K. groaned.

“Is this you finally freaking out?”

“I am not freaking out!” T.K.’s breathing had increased rapidly as panic spiraled through him. The sense of calm control he’d felt for the past twelve hours slowly started to slip away as reality set in. “Oh my god I’m totally freaking out. I can’t freak out, you’re freaking out! We can’t both be freaking out!”

“Hey,” Carlos cradled his face in his hand. “We’re okay? Remember? And if you need to freak out and lose it, that’s all right. It’s your turn. I’ll pull it together for a couple hours and you can melt down.”

“I don’t want to melt down, I want my shirt with the blue stripes on it. And that bergamot candle your parents gave us as a housewarming gift. Oh my god, Carlos all your spices from the market!”

“Come here,” Carlos said, pulling him into a hug, one hand holding him firmly around the waist, the other settling on the nape of his neck, thumb moving back and forth in a soothing motion.

T.K. let his forehead rest against Carlos’ shoulder, feeling more grounded by the strength of his boyfriend’s arms and the softness of his fingers. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

T.K. took a breath as the weight of everything began to land on his shoulders. Losing their home. Almost losing each other. God, how was he only now feeling how terrible it all was? He’d truly thought he was okay until this very second. “We’re going to make it through this, right?” he asked. He’d been so sure last night, but now…

Carlos pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “Yes. We are.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N: When I started writing this, did I think it would end up in the boys having soft, sweet "we're so glad we're not dead" sex in Owen's guest room? Nope. No I did not. Is it all @bluenet13's fault that it happened? Possibly. Or possibly they're just too sexy and they couldn't help it. Idk.

#911 Lone Star #911 LS #Tarlos #Carlos Reyes #TK Strand #Tarlos Fic #2x12 #The Big Heat #Post Ep #Home is Us #Emotional Hurt/Comfort

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deathbecomesnerds · 3 years ago

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“Mr. & Mrs. Smith” - Raymond/Astrid -- 18+ ONLY

I’m actually off from work today, so I figured I’d get a head start on @autumnleaves1991-blog Writer Wednesday challenge. I actually started writing this a few months ago, but never got around to finishing it...and then I thought this weeks’ picture was a good inspiration to finish it.

18+ ONLY. Seriously. Don’t be that person to ruin it for everybody.

He carried her through the threshold, listening to her giggle as he stomped his way through the massive hotel suite and dropped Astrid onto the bed before falling next to her on the bed. She continued to giggle as Ray’s face planted onto the bed and took a sigh of relief while closing his eyes.

Finally…

Ray had never had so little control over a situation, but his and Astrid’s wedding went off without a hitch, and Astrid handled it like a fucking boss. He opened his eyes while Astrid’s giggles quieted down and she looked at him with her blue eyes as she rolled over onto her stomach to stare at him.

“You okay?” she asked.

Ray nodded “I’m perfect,” he whispered.

Astrid smiled wide, blush forming on her cheeks as she pushed herself up and rolled back over to let her heels drop off from her feet and she sighed with relief while she stared up at the ceiling.

That’s my wife. Ray thought to himself as he looked her over in her Bluish Gray wedding dress, with lace threaded in to pattern flowers, and her off kilter sleeves that hugged her arms as her hands rested on her stomach as she too took this moment to relax after a long day of celebrating. Her hair still filled with bobby pins that she began to pull out in the limo but she knew it was a fruitless endeavor as she needed to stand in front of a mirror to pull them all out--not even Raymond Smith could find all the bobby pins, as meticulous as he was with everything.

She finally looked over at him, and he was so mesmerized by her beauty that he didn’t even realize she had asked him something until she nudged him.

“Raymond?”

He hummed, coming back to reality as he looked at Astrid “Yes, my Star?” he asked.

“What shall we do now?” she asked him.

Ray bit his lip as he looked at her, sitting up on his elbows as he admired his wife “I want to make love to my wife.”

She felt a chill down her spine as he said those words, she gripped the lapel of his jacket and smirked “Say it again…”

“My wife.” Ray whispered before leaning in to kiss Astrid.

Astrid giggled against his kiss “Again.” she requested.

“My wife.” Ray growled.

She pulled away from the kiss and stroked his cheek “My husband.” she whispered as she rubbed her nose with his “Have you met...my husband?” she asked the universe before leaning in to kiss him again.

“I can’t wait to scare the shit out of people with it…” she murmured, pulling away from the kiss as she looked down at him and smiled “But before we do anything…” she teased, playing with the buttons on his dress shirt “I’m going to find every single fucking bobby pin in my hair.” she informed Ray.

Ray chuckled “I’ll allow it,” he said before leaning in to kiss her again “Do you need help with the dress?”

Astrid shook her head “It’s a side zipper, I should be okay.” she assured him, getting up from the bed and pulling up the giant skirt so she could walk into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Ray sighed, staring up at the ceiling with a satisfied smile on his face, he stared up at it for what felt like an eternity before he finally sat up in bed and took off his suit jacket, carefully placing it on a chair and bent down to pick up Astrid’s heels and resting them against the chair leg.

As he began to pull off his gun holster vest, he heard the bathroom door open and Ray turned to see Astrid with her hair down in long, brunette curls. His eyes wandered to her long, black laced corset and matching garter belt that held skin colored stockings in place--he had never wanted her more than this moment.

Astrid frowned as she stared back at him “I still can’t believe you wore that to your own wedding,” she groaned, walking up to Ray and tugging on his holster vest “...so uncivilized, Ray.” she insisted.

“Just because it’s my wedding day, doesn’t mean things can’t happen.” he reminded her, his fingers gently combing through her hair.

She shook her head at him “That’s why Mickey hired security.” she said softly.

“My love,” he cupped her face “It is my job, for the rest of my life, to protect you. To take care of you. To take any pain you might gain from me, myself, and my job.” he said before leaning in to kiss her.

Astrid glared up at Ray, who took off the vest and placed it over his jacket on the chair before his eyes wandered back towards his wife with a soft smile while Astrid said nothing as she pulled his tie undone and threw it near the rest of his carefully laid attire.

“Now that all the business is out of the way, if you’ll excuse me…” Ray pulled Astrid close to him, their bodies pressed against each other and Astrid blushed “I’m going to make love to my wife.” He muttered.

Astrid blushed harder “Raymond…”

He grabbed her arm and gently threw Astrid onto the bed, he kneeled next to her and unclasped the stockings from the corset and rolled down the thin fabric before tossing it over his shoulders. She watched his hands linger on her thighs while she felt goosebumps all over her body before his lips kissed the tops of her breasts and his fingers began to gently unclasp each hook on her corset.

Astrid rested her head on the bed, feeling the grasp of the corset slowly release itself while Ray’s lips left a trace in between her breasts and down her abdomen as he finished unhooking the garment, gently lifting her up to pull it out from under her and tossed it aside on the floor.

She could not stop herself from moaning as he looked down at her with pure love, not lust as she anticipated, when she reached up to touch his face and he kissed her fingers in response to the touch.

“Husband,” Astrid breathed out, her hands then moving to his dress shirt and slowly began to unbutton it and pull it out from underneath his dress pants that it was tucked into.

“Wife,” he whispered back to her as he pushed the fabric in between her legs aside and inserted two fingers into her and curved them against her g-spot.

Astrid groaned, her hands gripped firmly into his hair while she stared into his blue eyes before biting her lip and nodded “Yeah, baby, just like that…” she gasped out and tilted her head back while Ray smiled down at her and watched himself please his wife for the first time.

The longing he felt burned deep inside of Ray as he burrowed his fingers in deep and watched Astrid move her hips against his fingers while her hands gripped tightly onto the comforter as her new wedding band sparkled in the light. She let out a struggling moan while Ray quickened his pace and watched Astrid begin to succumb to the pleasure as she begged Ray to ‘make her cum’, and he gladly did when she let out a deep moan and arched her back--Ray could feel Astrid clench onto his fingers and chuckled to himself, watching his wife come undone before finally settling back down on the bed.

She chuckled, looking up at Ray who took his fingers back and examined her sex on them--he didn’t even hesitate as he sucked his fingers clean off before flipping Astrid over and began to unhook her garter belt.

Astrid hummed into the sheets as she felt the fabric pull away from her body and Ray flipped her back over, he looked deep into her eyes with a soft smile on his lips before leaning in to kiss her; his fingers danced along her hips as his hooked her panties and pulled them down her slender legs.

“I fucking love you,” Ray said against the kiss.

Astrid pulled away from the kiss, smiling her bright smile at him “Even when I pique at 30? And am old by 40? You won’t leave me for a hot new thing?” She asked him.

Ray couldn’t help but snort “No! Absolutely not! And you’re gonna pique at 50! Make no mistake, my love!” he snuggled her naked body against his clothes as he looked over her facial features “...when I’m old and gray, you’ll be the hottest MILF in town.” he went on to say.

The couple looked each other over before giggling, Astrid immediately grabbed Ray’s unbuttoned dress shirt and pulled it off of his body before she pushed him down on the bed and straddled him gently “...Raymond, you’ll always age like fine wine. You’ll never be ‘old and gray’.” she whispered to him.

His hands gripped firmly to her hips as he sat up on the bed, looking at her for the thousandth time that day--he genuinely couldn’t believe he was going to spend the rest of his life with someone with such poise, and grace. Astrid’s beauty always showed through in her smile, and when he saw it for the first time, he wanted her to be the one--he’d take any excuse to go to the cafe to see her. And now, he had her for life.

Astrid looked down at him with her smile “What?” she asked him.

“I just…” he muttered “I love you so much.” he said before burying his face into her neck and held her close.

His beard ticked her collarbone as she kissed the top of his head “I love you too, Raymond.” she said, combing her fingers through his hair “I love you very, very much.”

Ray pulled away from her neck and immediately attached his lips to hers, Astrid couldn’t stop herself from moaning while her hands made their way down to his pants and unbuckled and unbuttoned them. Her husband grunted as he finally pulled away from the kiss and Astrid pushed him down onto the bed and held him in place as she grinded against his hips.

“Yeah, baby…” Ray muttered, kicking off his shoes and helping Astrid remove his pants and boxers.

He was finally as naked as her and Ray wanted to take her right then and there, gripping onto Astrid’s wrists and pulled her into his lap with his cock standing at attention and waiting for her legs to spread far enough to invade her; Astrid looked deeply into Ray’s eyes as she sunk down against his cock, the both of them moaned as Ray’s grip moved to her hips.

“Astrid,” he breathed out, looking up at his wife as her hands gripped firmly onto his shoulders while she began to bounce against his hard length.

Ray watched as she did, the sound of her breathing while their skin slapped against each other, his hands moved from her hips to embracing her with his fingers pressed against her back--he watched as her breasts and hair bounced with her movements and he tried so hard to remain still and just watch Astrid.

“Move your hips, Ray…” she muttered before leaning in to kiss him.

He obliged, rocking his hips against her movements that made Astrid force out a cry while she held herself closer to Ray. One of his hands snaked in between their bodies and pressed his thumb against her clit and watched as Astrid arched her back and sighed while her hips began to move his.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Ray breathed as he jerked his hips against Astrid.

She gasped, then grunted before beginning to bounce against his cock again; Astrid bit her lip as she looked down at Ray.

“Take my cock, baby.” he pleaded with her as he continued to thrust against Astrid’s body “That’s my girl.” he muttered.

Astrid moaned, leaning back slightly and placed her hands behind her on Ray’s thighs while she continued to ride him “Fuck, Raymond!” she cried out.

Ray pressed harder against her clit as he maneuvered circled into it, beginning to feel her cunt clench against his cock and he knew that her release was coming. Ray quickened his pace, looking down to see his cock disappear inside of her before he looked up at Astrid before his free hand moved around her body.

“Cum for me, my Star!”

Astrid shook her head “No, no...not yet baby!” she pleaded with him.

Ray felt a chill run up his spine at Astrid’s insistence, never one to resist her own orgasm and he loved the challenge as he smirked at her “Then I’m gonna make you cum!”

He pulled her close, keeping her in place as her arms wrapped around him and she watched his face as his thrusts got harder and his thumb dug deeper against her clit and it quickly became too much for Astrid as she moaned as she looked Ray deep into his eyes.

“Raymond,” she gasped out as Ray felt her cunt grip his cock tightly “Raymond, I’m coming!” she announced before screaming out a moan and arching her back.

Ray nodded “That’s right baby,” he thrusted into her roughly, “Cum on my cock, my love.” he commanded her.

Astrid cried out, still riding his cock while her orgasm coursed through her body like electricity “Fucking cum inside me, Raymond.” she pleaded with him.

It didn’t take him long to catch up, watching Astrid’s orgasm take total control over her while he abandoned her clit and held her hips firmly as he thrusted into her. Ray felt her pussy milk his cock even as she was coming down from her orgasm and he felt another chill running up his spine as he continued to thrust. He felt his coming to the surface, focusing on the feeling of Astrid clenching on his cock while she continued to plead for him to cum when it suddenly hit him and his hips jerked forwards suddenly, nearly knocking Astrid off of him and the bed.

Ray groaned, holding tightly to Astrid as he felt his seed fill his wife while his cock pulsated to the beating of his heart--it felt so new yet so familiar as he came inside of Astrid as his wife for the first time. He loved the feeling, and the knowledge that she was his, and he was hers.

After finally coming down from his own release, Ray fell backwards onto the bed and huffed as he cock began to soften inside of Astrid, who leaned forward and rested her body against his. She kissed his chest and moved down to his abs, causing Ray to chuckle as he grabbed Astrid’s arms and pulled her closer to him and held her close.

“My wife…” he muttered, kissing the top of her head “Mr. and Mrs. Smith…” he murmured.

Astrid smiled softly “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you more.” he whispered back.

#the gentlemen #Charlie hunnam #Raymond smith #writer Wednesday on a tuesday

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gallavictorious · 4 years ago

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Outsider POV Gallavich Fic: Captive Look

For a while there this spring, I was mildly obsessed with the CO in 10x03: you know, the good-looking guy who seems so completely unfazed by finding two armed inmates stabbing an old man, and then for whatever reason doesn't report it? (He can't have; Ian's parole wouldn't have happened so soon after something like that.) I also really dig his beard... Anyway, IMDB identifies him as Raymond and I've had this short little piece about him and his interactions with two certain dumbasses sitting almost finished in my draft doc for months and months and months, so... you're welcome? 2882 words, to help pass the time until the new episode!

You can read it below or on AO3.

---

It's half past eight on a Thursday when Raymond catches sight of them across the bar at South Side Social. He’s there to celebrate his baby sister’s birthday, familial obligation overriding personal preference, but after an hour of politely chatting with her increasingly wasted college friends over obnoxiously rustic-only-because-it’s-trendy food, he’s ready for a break. Catching Tina’s eye, he mimes lightening a cigarette; she raises an eyebrow at him and smirks. She’s a clever kid, his sister – the first in their family to go to college – and she knows him only too well. Knows, for instance, that he gave up smoking years and years ago.

Offering her a rueful grin, he gets up and gets out and spends the next few minutes breathing in Chicago’s poisonous evening air. It’s December, but unusually warm for the season, and somewhere underneath the dusty stink of exhaust fumes and concrete there’s a faint trace of melting snow.

On the way back to the table Raymond stops at the bar to order another beer, and that’s when he spots them, just three feet away. Two men in their mid-twenties, casually dressed and apparently in the middle of a not-very-serious argument, complete with waving hands and mock-scoffs. It takes a moment for the vague feeling of familiarity to click into actual recognition, and when it's does it's not so much their faces as the way they pause to look at each other.

It's not the sort of look you see a lot, especially not in prison.

So, well, he’ll be damned. It’s Milkovich and Gallagher. Cellmates, lovers, and occasionally a goddamn pain in his ass. Released, as improbable as it sounded, within days of each other less than half a year ago, and now laughing over drinks in a half-way decent restaurant in downtown Chicago. It’s not the sort of place he’d expected to find them in – but then again, there’d been a lot of unexpected things about that pair.

Not them hooking up, necessarily, not once they’d ended up sharing a cell; trading sexual favors for protection (whether voluntarily or not) was common enough. Frowned upon in theory, of course, but in practice –

Well. You didn’t have to like it, but it was what it was. Idealism didn’t survive long at Beckham. Raymond himself had never harbored any grand notions about the redemptive potential of his work, but he’d seen his fair share of fresh-faced new CO:s have their illusions crushed after a week or two caught between the often violent offenders who despised them, the indifferent malice of many seasoned CO:s, and the stifling drudgery of the American penal system in general. Not Raymond, though: he did his job, did it well, and went home and didn't spend waste moment of thought on it. You did what you needed to do to pay the bills; no need to dwell on it.

So no, Gallager getting in bed, quite literally, with Milkovich hadn’t been a surprise. The nature of their relationship, though...

Sure, it wasn’t unheard of for inmates to fall for one another, or for established couples to end up in prison together. Didn’t happen a lot, and actual homosexuality was still more likely to get you beat up than laid, but yeah, it did happen. What, in Raymond’s experience, never happened was having to people look at each other the way Milkovich and Gallagher sometimes did, whenever they thought no one else was watching: there was a kind of wonder to it, both staring at the other like they’ve been handed a goddamn gift and couldn’t quite believe their luck.

Particularly on Milkovich’s face the look was baffling.

Ever since the young man arrived at Beckamn he'd moved down the gray corridors and among the yellow-clad crowds like a man born to it. Raymond supposed he was; his father Terry had spent much of his adult life in the very same prison, as had a great many brothers, cousins and assorted associates. Though Raymond didn't know any details, and didn't really care to know them, he'd bet dollars to donuts that Mickey Milkovich's criminal career had had both an early start and a sense of inevitability to it. Various stints in juvie, followed by a real prison sentence for... attempted murder, wasn't it?... followed by a widely publicized jailbreak and an eventual and far less publicized return to Beckman.

Milkovich was tough enough to make others back down when he had to but smart enough not to start any unnecessary fights, not with the other inmates and not with the ones set to watch over them. Knew how to work the system, too: how to get things in, get things done, which guards could be bribed. Raymond didn't play that game himself, but he wasn't getting paid enough not to turn a blind eye when others do. And Milkovich had been pretty smooth about it, especially since his return; careful not to cause a stir.

Gallagher, on the other hand... He'd been the kind of inmate Raymond would've been seriously worried for, had he been inclined to worry and had Milkovich not been there to watch his back and show him the ropes. Not because Gallagher struck Raymond as even remotely helpless, but he so very obviously did not belong in prison, and so very obviously did not really have a clue about what was what in here. The nastier inmates would have eaten him alive long before he'd had the chance to navigate the intricacies of prison politics and find the friends needed for protection. He'd have ended up someone's bitch, or ended up in the infirmary, or dead.

But he'd ended up with Milkovich, and as unlikely as it had seemed at the time, that had worked out. (There were moments when Raymond wondered about that, wondered about them: apart from the looks, there were little touches, too, casual things that spoke of a familiarity far beyond what they could possibly have developed in their short time in a shared cell.)

That wasn't to say that their relationship had been all rainbows and lollipops, and it sure as hell hadn't been fun for everybody. They’d driven half the cellblock insane sometimes, as well as occasionally one another. Other prisoners had complained about their bickering and their fucking (though never officially complained, because you didn't, not unless you wanted to go looking for your teeth in the shower drain), and Raymond recalled vividly the time when not one but both of them had gotten roped into Chester Russom’s endless quest to spend the rest of his life behind bars –

He'd been passing by the infirmary when he'd heard the screaming and come running. Hadn't been surprised, exactly, to find what he found, but that didn't lessen the urge to smack both Milkovich and Gallagher on the head for being so damned stupid.

Neither of them had seemed particularly concerned about getting caught stabbing another inmate. In fact, they'd fallen over themselves to take the blame, which Raymond might have taken as an unselfish attempt to save the other – if he'd been a complete idiot and if the two of them hadn't been sniping at each other all the way from the infirmary, to the point where he felt like his head would explode.

“Imma murder you two if you don't stop talking,” he said, glaring at them as they sat chained outside the small office. Thankfully, they did stop, looking neither at him nor at each other.

Raymond waited for a moment, deliberating.

“What did Chester promise you?” he eventually asked. Gallagher might have agreed to help the old man out of the goodness of his heart, but Milkovich sure as hell hadn't.

Neither man answered. They were studiously avoiding looking at each other.

“You're not going anywhere until you tell me,” Raymond warned them. “If I have to leave your sorry asses chained to this bench all night that's no skin off my back.”

“We needed a break,” Gallagher offered eventually, reluctantly. Milkovich gave a little snort at that, but – wisely – kept his mouth shut. “So we thought that if one of us got sent to solitary... “ He trailed off, shrugging half-heartedly.

Oh, for the love of God - ! “Why did both of you have to stab him if the goal was to get one of you to solitary?”

Again, there was a protracted silence, and somewhere in it – in their earlier insistence that each of them had been the first to stick the shiv into Chester – Raymond could just about make out the shape of it.

“You are both idiots,” he said, moving to uncuff them from the bench, making a decision. “Come on, let's go.”

“Wait,” Gallagher said, not rising. “You're not reporting us? What about solitary?””

“You don't get a damn reward for stabbing someone, so no, you're not going into solitary, you're going straight back to your cell – where you will hand over all contraband you've hidden there.”

“Now, wait a minute – “ Milkovich began, but he faltered when Raymond fixed him with a hard stare.

Raymond had no illusions about intimidating this particular inmate, but Milkovich really did know how this worked; knew better than to ever be friendly with a guard, not even the ones he bribed – but knew when not to push too.

He had kept their hands cuffed for the walk back to the cell, which was policy, but was him making a point too. While there were extenuating circumstances – primarily the fact that Chester had asked them to stab him – by all rights they should be going down for this, and Raymond wasn’t one hundred percent sure why he wasn't letting them. Save himself the paperwork? Yeah, sure. Why not? As good a reason as any.

“Now, am I going to have to search the cell or will you give it up voluntarily?” he asked once they'd made it to the cell. “You make me look, I won't be too careful with your shit.”

A lot of the guards would be deliberately careless when they tossd a cell, either to prove a point or just for the hell of it. Raymond usually didn't bother with that sort of power trip bullshit, but he was prepared to make an exception if these morons proved stupid enough to give him any more trouble. He was already cutting them considerable slack here, and neither of them have the brains to appreciate it.

They had shared a look, and then Milkovich gave an imperceptible nod. Without a word they set to bring forth an array of cigarettes and foodstuff, little things that would have been commonplace and unremarkable in the real world but was made precious by its scarcity on the inside.

Raymond wasn't naive enough to believe they actually gave him everything they'd got in there, but enough of it to inconvenience them, which would have to do. He grabbed the the items, then fixed them both with a firm look.

“Either of you cause me any more trouble, I'm taking your books,” – he pointed to Gallager, then to Milkovich – “and your pens and paper. You think you have it bad now? Imagine sharing a cell and having nothing else to occupy you.”

He had hoped to God he wouldn't have to make good on his threat, though. The other prisoners would probably riot if they have to put up with more of ´bickering from these two.

“I catch either of you with a shiv again, you'll be fucking sorry,” he continued. “Talk it out, or agree not to talk, or whatever. Split the cell into his and his, I don't give a damn. But sort your shit out.”

Maybe they had, maybe they hadn't; the point became moot just a few weeks later, when Gallagher was released. Milkovich had soon followed him – and how exactly that had happened, Raymond still didn't know, because there was no way in hell anyone actually thought releasing that one back into society was a great move – and that had been that. For now, at least; he fully expected to see Milkovich again. Guy like that wasn't going to quit, and sooner or later he'd get caught and find himself back behind bars. Rinse repeat, until he got himself killed or locked away for good.

Only now here Milkovich is, but in front of a bar rather than behind them, and with Gallagher right by his side, laughing like they'd never stabbed a man just to get away from each other.

Raymond hesitates. There's some small part of him that actually wants to step up and say hello, and that throws him a little. He's got a rule about never getting emotionally invested in the fates of the inmates; that way lies nothing but heartbreak, because most of those who find themselves at Beckman will find themselves there again and again, for longer and longer. Don't abuse the prisoners, but don't care too much either: it's been Raymond's private policy for the past five years, and it's worked out so far.

Except now he's actually considering chatting with a couple of convicts, just 'cause he really is a little bit curious about how this unlikely pair is doing.

But nah. Forget it. His rule aside, it'd be pretty uncool to intrude on their evening out. They're free men now – kind of – and having a CO check up on them can't be high on their list of wants. But before he can move away, they both look his way; sees him. Recognizes him, too, from the way they freeze.

Okay. Call it fate, then. “Hello,” Raymond says, going for neutral good and a little nod; I come in peace.

A beat. Milkovich is eyeing him with a wariness he doesn't bother to conceal and it's Gallagher who speaks first:

“Officer Reese,” he says, managing a polite smile. “Hi.”

Raymond notices the way they glance down at the beers they technically shouldn't be having.

“I'm not your PO,” he assures them. “I don't give a damn if you drink. Might want to take it easy, though,” he can’t help but add. “Getting shitfaced is a quick way to get into trouble.”

Milkovich opens his mouth, but after a quick glare from Gallagher he closes it again. Probably for the best; Raymond can’t imagine him playing even remotely nice now that he doesn’t have to.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt your evening,” he says. “Looks like you’re doing all right.”

“Yeah, yeah, we've got jobs and... “ Gallagher pauses to glance at Milkovich again, as if asking his permission. Milkovich rolls his eyes but says nothing, and Gallagher turns his gaze back to Raymond. There's a real smile on his face now, small, but filled with something akin to disbelieving delight: “We got married. Couple of weeks ago.”

“Oh, wow. Congratulations.” Raymond isn’t quite sure what surprises him more: the fact of their marriage, or the fact that he is genuinely happy for them. Maybe he’s getting soft in his old age… Or maybe it’s just that there’s so very few happy endings for those who find themselves at Beckman, whether as inmates or as guards, that they need to be treasured whenever you find them.

“Ian!” someone calls across the room, and Gallagher turns his head to look at a blonde woman gesturing wildly. “Where are those drinks?”

“Shit,” Gallagher mutters. “Better get this to Tami before she has a fit.”

Another smile, and Gallagher is gone. Milkovich, however, lingers, seemingly debating whether to say something more. Curious against his will, Raymond does his best to look approachable. Evidently, it works, because Milkovich clears his throat:

“You’d reported us when we stabbed that old fucker in the infirmary, Ian wouldn’t have gotten his release.” He pauses, looking uncomfortable, then forces out: “Appreciate it.”

Raymond merely nods. Maybe he should say something about being glad taking a chance on them had paid off, that he is glad to see them doing well – but he’s pretty sure Milkovich wouldn’t much appreciate the sentiment.

“Your boy doesn’t belong in prison,” he says instead.

Milkovich face immediately collapses into a scowl. “Well, I didn't fucking put him there,” he growls.

But Raymond isn’t intimated; just hold his gaze. “Gonna keep him out of trouble then?” Gonna stay out of trouble, he doesn’t ask, but Milkovich isn’t stupid, so he'll hear it all the same.

Milkovich still glares, but something in his eyes seem to soften ever so slightly. “You betcha. Won’t have anything on us ever again,” he promises ambiguously, with a cocky grin and one eyebrow raised.

When he walks away, swagger in every step, he is every bit the unrepentant gangster – but Raymond keeps his eyes on him and sees the way he relaxes as soon as he stops next to Gallagher. Reaches out to touch him lightly on the arm, catching his eye. That same wondering smile on both of their faces.

Raymond thinks that maybe he won't actually see either of them again.

He is glad of it.

#gallavich #fic #my stuff

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homeformyheart · 4 years ago

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things you said when i was crying - m!raleigh carrera x mc (plat)

author’s note: this was inspired by the u.s. sitcom everybody loves raymond, the episode where debra is pmsing and ray doesn’t know what to do. thanks to the anon who requested this!

copyright: copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. certain dialogue is copyrighted to everybody loves raymond. series/pairing: platinum – m!raleigh carrera x mc (cadence dorian) rating/warnings: 16+; swearing word count: 1.1k based on/prompt: things you said / 9. things you said when i was crying summary: cadence has a little bit of an emotional meltdown and raleigh struggles to figure out what is the right thing to do.

things you said when i was crying

raleigh tightened the hood of his sweater and adjusted his sunglasses as he tried not to appear panicked in the middle of the drugstore. the fluorescent lights were blinding and unsettling as he scanned the rows of pills and treatments for all sorts of random things.

why the fuck are there so many different brands? all anyone should need is aspirin. normally, he would send someone to the drugstore to pick up whatever he needed, and he didn’t care what brand it was as long as it worked. but this time was different. cadence practically screamed at him to get something, and he was a little terrified of coming back with the wrong thing.

earlier that evening

“raleigh, what the fuck?!” cadence screamed from the bathroom.

raleigh put down his phone and hurried over. “what’s wrong, babe?”

cadence looked like she was going to pull her hair out, which made raleigh just a little nervous. she turned to glare at him as she pointed to a pile of his clothes and hair products on the floor.

this had to be a trick question, but raleigh had been on the receiving end of cadence’s outbursts in the past, so he tried to tread lightly. “um, my stuff from this morning?”

“exactly! how many times do i have to ask you to put your shit in the hamper! you’re not the only one who lives here you know!” cadence screeched and it was all raleigh could do not to flinch.

“i know, babe, i’m sorry! i’ll put it away now,” he hurriedly moved to clean up his things.

raleigh turned back to look at cadence, whose shoulders were so tense that he made a mental note to give her a massage later.

“and why are we out of ibuprofen and naproxen? i just stocked up last month!”

he raised his hands in surrender and slowly backed out of the bathroom.

raleigh grabbed a few brands that looked promising and examined the labels. treats pms symptoms, such as bloating, fatigue, and irritability. hopefully these help, raleigh thought as he tossed several boxes into his shopping basket.

cadence had moved into his apartment only a few months ago, but seeing as how raleigh hadn’t lived with anyone else in more than a decade, it wasn’t surprising that he had no clue what to do during her monthly mood swings.

he frowned as a feeling of déjà vu started tugging at the back of his mind. raleigh vaguely remembered screaming matches between his parents when he was younger where his dad called his mother irrational and crazy and his mother screamed back that he was insensitive and irresponsible. he remembered a couple of instances where their fights seemed to get even worse if his dad asked whether she was pmsing or pregnant.

that trail of thought seemed to tickle something in raleigh’s mind. could cadence be pregnant? they were usually pretty careful – a pregnancy at this stage in their relationship and cadence’s career would make things incredibly difficult and complicated. though he was surprised at how calm he felt at the idea of having a family with cadence.

with a small smile, he walked further down the aisle and grabbed a handful of pregnancy tests. it didn’t occur to him once that he was about to walk into a raging tempest with a lightning rod.

* * * * * “babe? i’m back!” raleigh called out, walking into the living room while trying to open the seal on the over-the-counter medication he had bought.

cadence hurried out of the bedroom and almost bowled into him. “did you get the naproxene?”

he handed her the bottle with a proud smile that quickly faded as he watched her inspect the label. “what the hell is this?”

raleigh just looked at her, stunned. “i picked out ones that i thought would help with… you know… cramps and irritability, symptoms associated with pms,” he said hesitantly, trying to point out the treatable symptoms on the label.

“what else did you get?” cadence grabbed the shopping bag before he could get to it and dumped out its contents on the coffee table.

she froze at the pink pregnancy test boxes for a few seconds before slowly reaching down to pick one up. “what… the hell… is this?”

raleigh sighed. “i promise i didn’t mean anything by it. i just remembered my parents used to fight a lot when my mom was pregnant with my siblings; she always blamed it on the hormones. i figured it couldn’t hurt to check—”

cadence was clenching the box to the point it had completely collapsed and warped in on itself. “you think i might be pregnant?” she asked through clenched teeth.

“no! i just wanted to cover our bases, that’s all,” raleigh said quickly, wishing the floor of his apartment would swallow him up.

to his shock, cadence burst into tears instead of yelling at him. she dropped the pregnancy test and covered her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking with each loud sob.

“baby, please don’t cry. i’m sorry, just tell me why you’re upset. what can i do?” raleigh begged, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

“why do you think i’m upset? my boyfriend obviously thinks i’m fat, since his first thought is to get me a pregnancy test of all things!” cadence sobbed.

raleigh wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “baby i promise i didn’t mean it like that. i just want you to feel better.”

he kept rubbing her back until her sobs subsided to soft sniffles. “you promise?”

he pulled back so he could look her in the eye. “of course. i love you. and if – and i mean if – you were pregnant, it would not be the worst thing in the world,” he said softly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “i think it’d actually be nice, you know – you and me, starting a family.”

cadence’s lips turned up into a smile. “you want to start a family?”

“i’m not saying right now, but someday. i definitely see a future with you – one i hope we can start soon,” he said, leaning in to leave a soft kiss on her forehead.

“wait, are you planning on proposing?” raleigh kept his lips pursed as though he was trying not to smile and walked backwards into their bedroom.

cadence smile grew even wider and, in that moment, she forgot what she had been so upset about to begin with.

* * * * * mentions: @raleigh-edward; @dulceghernandez; @thegreentwin; @kat-tia801; @otherworldlypresents; @brycesgirl; @platinumweekend; @robintora;

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egelantier · 4 years ago

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Yuletide Recs

Having had two days of more or less nothing but reading fics, I come bearing recs!

First of all, my amazing gifts:

The Goblin Emperor

For Thy Principles

The nohecharei of Edrehasivar VII were unparalleled in their defense of his person, but there were limits to even their prowess. When Maia first developed the fever, Cala quickly determined that it was not the end result of a magically-based assassination attempt – and from there it had to be left to the court physicians.

Maia falls ill, and Csethiro protects him as best she can.

Beautifully gentle Maia sickfic, with Csethiro holding him together. For me all for meeee.

Benjamin January Mysteries

Dry as a Bone

“Oh. Well, I’ve been better, maestro, been a hell of a lot better to tell truth.” Shaw stared at him for a long moment, and he was stunned to see honest to God grief in his eyes. Even when Shaw had just lost his brother he had been so much more himself than this lost man currently standing before him. “Not that I mean to put anything extra on your shoulders, I’m sure you’ve got enough of your own shit going on at present moment, but it seems like I’ve just lost my job.”

Shaw loses his job, and finally confronts Ben about trust (and lack thereof) between them. It’s GREAT.

The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards

A Distraction Worth Losing

They may never be together, but the gods would have to move heaven and earth to split Rune and Brand apart.

Brand, Rune and The Kiss incident. (Poor messed up babies, somebody save them.)

And fics of the collection:

17776, Astreiant, Raksura, Frederica, The Gentlemen, The Goblin Emperor, Hades, Innkeeper Chronicles, Jeeves, Kate Daniels, King Arthur the movie, My Next Life as a Villainess, Nirvana in Fire, No. 6, Psmith, The Secret Garden, The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, Swordspoint, The Tarot Sequence, Teixcalaan Series, The Temple of the White Rat verse

17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future

so far, so fast

When Manny gets a craving for some fancy meal he had once, over ten thousand years ago, Nick decides he’s gonna fulfill that craving, no matter how hard it is. Because real romance is about making the impossible happen for his husband.

Goddamn transcendental.

Go Get It

Sometimes you start out just planning to get some groceries with your husband, and next thing you know, you’re committing to join the most hopeless team in college football.

Nick and Manny decide to play. It’s perfect.

Afterlife

A young man dies six months before the end of human death; his loss saves five lives, which end up much longer than anyone expects. (A series of worldbuilding vignettes about original characters in the 17776 setting.)

Made me cry, in a very cathartic way.

Astreiant Series - Melissa Scott & Lisa A. Barnett

April dressed in all his trim

A quiet evening in spring.

Sweet little slice-of-life with lovely sensory details.

Books of the Raksura

The Second Consort

“When Glow arrives, be friendly and welcoming,” Ember said. “Not scary.”

“Why does everyone think I’m going to scare him?”

Chime said, “They can see your face when you look at him.” He paused, glancing over at Moon. “That face, that’s the one.”

Ember sighed. “I remember being in his position. It’s pretty nerve-wracking coming to a new court and not knowing what’s going to happen to you there - whether they’re going to welcome you or shun you, whether you’ll make new friends, whether a queen is going to claim you…” He came and put a sympathetic hand on Moon’s shoulder. “Glow is probably worried about all of those things, and missing his home and clutchmates, and it’s our job to try and help him relax.” For a moment Moon thought he was just being soft-hearted, until Ember added, “He won’t open up and tell us what’s really going on unless he’s relaxed.”

Jade takes in a new consort, on Moon’s permission, and everybody is delightfully adult about it.

Frederica

Lady Alverstoke

Frederica commences her first Season as a married woman by planning a ball, promising most straitly that her husband will have nothing whatsoever to do …

Sweet and funny slice-of-life post-happy-ending for canon.

**The Gentlemen (2019) **

Even

The week after he intercepts Fletcher, that squirrelly little cunt, outside the London Miramax office, Raymond reluctantly ventures down to Brixton.

Under normal circumstances, Raymond tends to give this part of Brixton a wide berth, but he has unfinished business that needs attending to. Of course, that doesn’t mean he has to like being accosted by the overwhelming smell of greasy fish and chips when he pushes the car door open, doesn’t mean he has to be pleased about stepping into a piece of chewed-up gum the moment he sets a foot on the kerb.

But then, he can always take a shower after an errand in Brixton. The deep-seated discomfort of unfinished business doesn’t wash off that easily.

Raymond tries to pay Coach back for saving his life, and it doesn’t quite go as planned :D

The Goblin Emperor

The Archduke’s Discovery

Prince Nemolis goes on a journey, and learns a bit more than he wanted to know.

Really great point of canon divergence, and true and precise character voices.

Hades

all the spaces between us

For a place full of the dead, crammed with ghostly shades and nothing but the endless lull of eternity unchanging, gossip sure travelled fast in the Underworld.

Or, Zagreus mulls over his relationship with Thanatos while the rest of the Underworld get overly invested.

Slow, slow, slowest of burns.

Innkeeper Chronicles - Ilona Andrews

A Quick Trip

“It’ll be a quick trip,” Maud said, more to herself than to Arland. “No one will even notice we’re gone.”

Pirates are plaguing an ally, just outside of vampire space. Maud and Arland don some aesthetically beat-up armor and try to get more information from the pirates themselves. Of course, plans only last until you meet your enemy. Or your enemy’s giant alien attack boar.

Excellent canon voice, action/adventure sprinkled with badassery and hilarity.

Jeeves & Wooster

August Thirteenth

Discovering that this is not the first August thirteenth that he’s lived through, that certainly was a head scratcher. Luckily Bertie has the stalwart presence of his man’s man, Jeeves.

Very, very great and satisfying use of the time loop.

Kate Daniels - Ilona Andrews

lookin’ like a snack (cake)

It took Barabas a while to figure it out, because he wasn’t used to not being taken seriously.

Barabas considered several ways to phrase it, and finally settled upon, “Do you have a thing for twinks?” Christopher knocked his head back against the headrest: once, then again. “Is that a yes?”

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

When Goosefat Bill finds himself in a difficult situation, the last thing he wants is the King to show up and “help”, in his own unique and unexpected way.

Goosefat Bill does not need to be rescued by his King. But he might just enjoy it a little.

My Next Life as a Villainess (Anime)

All I Have To Bring Today

Catarina and Sophia had been discussing the latest in the Devilish Count series, and Sophia had mentioned how romantic the surprise picnic the count had planned for his lover was and how she wished for someone to surprise her like that.

“What about you, Catarina? Have you ever wished for someone to sweep you off your feet?” Sophia had asked.

Catarina makes a choice! As sweet and as hilarious as the canon.

Nirvana in Fire

Adverse Event

What a pitiful man must he have become, if the only thing he could provoke in bed was a monologue on his character flaws.

: or, the famous strategist mei changsu plays xanatos speed chess against truth serum: the fic.

Mei Changsu gets hit with an accidental truth serum; it doesn’t stop him from lying to himself, but it does buy Jingyan a clue.

Records of the Land of Xiang

There was something of Xiao Jingyan there, in the firmness of his jaw, the unforgiving slash of his brows, and most clearly in the eyes that neither saw nor conveyed deception. But Long Zhan was not Jingyan, could never be, no matter how much Changsu might wish otherwise, because Jingyan was dead.

In service to a very-much-alive Prince Qi, Jingyan dons a Jianghu-typical disguise and infiltrates the Jiangzuo Alliance to suss out this Mei Changsu fellow and see if he might be useful in helping them re-open the Chiyan conspiracy case. Basically, a slightly ridiculous premise where everyone is running around the Jianghu with masks, multiple identities, and secret agendas.

Fascinating and fun AU scenario that delves, among other things, into Mei Changsu the jianghu chef, not Sir Su the court schemer.

suffering as I suffer you

The first time Jingyan stays the night at Su Manor, he discovers an uncomfortable truth about Mei Changsu.

Excellent extrapolation of Mei Changsu’s illness into his nightly routine - with Jingyan watching…

Here, In Our Arms

With the world put to rights, however briefly, Xiao Jingyan and Mu Nihuang take the opportunity to make a fuss over their beloved Lin Shu, and will not take no for an answer.

Sweet moment of comfort.

Find the Coals Amid the Ashes

Despite Changsu’s assertions, Lin Chen is a well brought up person. He would never violate his host’s privacy during a social call. It would be inexcusable, for example, to break into a marquis’s private alchemy lab in the middle of said marquis’s birthday party, in order to search said alchemy lab for certain hard to find medicinal herbs, which one has reason to believe can be found therein. These would be the actions of a man without honour, of a man who has only desperation to his name.

Lin Chen crashes a party and makes a new friend.

The best team up ever :D

Dead Letters

Mei Changsu isn’t the only schemer in Da Liang.

Fei Liu fixes things, in the most Fei Liu way imaginable, and it’s great.

No. 6

All Good Things

In the midst of a crisis for No. 6, Nezumi returns to Shion’s side.

A reunion! And cuddling.

Psmith

The Psky Is The Limit

“As this ship’s Orator, my mission is still as it was in the beginning and shall ever be, world without end. It is to hail any message sent by comrades from outer space and pass it on to you verbatim. Well! The hour, I say, has come. The Word has come into being. Here comes Psmith, bearing news of great mirth: the intercom has spoken.”

(A Mike and Psmith Space AU)

Psmith in space! Hysterically funny Psmith in Pspace, at that.

Psmith Pops In

Psmith reached over and solicitously loosened Mike’s scarf, his fingers brushing the skin of Mike’s neck, and that young man, to his horror, felt heat creeping up from where gloved fingers brushed his bare skin. Really, this blushing nonsense was getting out of hand. Ever since Psmith had tried to take the blame in the case of the painted dog, Mike had developed an inexplicable habit of turning hot and cold around him, and these odd responses had become more and more frequent.

Very funny! And then very tragique! And then jussssst right.

The Secret Garden

The Space Garden

When Meri La Nix was sent from the Mars colony to live with her aunt at Missiles Wait Manor, nobody said she was the most disagreeable-looking child ever seen. But some of them thought it.

Beautifully inventive space retelling - with gardens, still.

The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty

The sky spinning above him

In which there’s a jewellery thief on the loose, Tang Fan plays dress up, gets a mild concussion and also a boyfriend.

Frothy, sweet, well-grounded and hot. Also hilarious (check the end note!)

truth in fiction

Three days after Wang Zhi leaves the capital, bits and pieces of his extensive library begin arriving at Sui Zhou’s house.

Sui Zhou is really committed to research and accuracy in Tang Fan’s porn. It’s delightful.

Time don’t fool me no more

“The electrician is a Tang dynasty spy,” he says, dumping some of his eggs in Tang Fan’s bowl.

Tang Fan nods, shovels more food in his mouth, and starts talking again.

Past or future, Tang Fan has Priorities. And Sui Zhou is weak.

Meeting at the End

Sui Zhou knew he never should have let Tang Fan go alone. He knew he should have gone with him.

Really, really great and desperate whump. Super satisfying.

clever boy

Tang Fan never spares a smile for any of the girls at Wang Zhi’s establishment, he’s noticed. That’s alright, though. It means Wang Zhi gets his attention for himself.

Wang Zhi falling, falling hard; it’s delightful.

a bold and brilliant sun

“You’re sure you didn’t do something to it? They don’t usually stall out,” Sui Zhou says. He looks away from Tang Fan, out the windshield at the endless rust-red of the planet.

Tang Fan pouts at this, and slumps down on the edge of the console, feet propped up at an absurd angle against the pilot’s seat. “You think I’d fake a mechanical issue just so that they’d send a sexy Fleet crewman out here to rescue me?” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he giggles. “Okay, I would do that, but I promise that this time the problem is real.”

Space AU! Most excellent space AU condensing all there is to love about the canon in one perfect package.

Blind Taste Test

Wang Zhi invites Tang Fan to evaluate Joyous Brothel’s chefs — but it’s Tang Fan and Sui Zhou who are really being tested.

Wang Zhi, ever helpful :)

Authorial Intent

Sui Zhou and Tang Fan end up in hot water yet again. Kinky sex ensues.

Hilarious, kinky, heartfelt, and in character.

Swordspoint Series - Ellen Kushner

Chrysopoeia

It struck Alec that this would have been much easier if their positions were reversed. Richard would have known what to do if he’d been dragged back here with a hole in his gut. He was quite simply not supposed to be the one on this end of the equation. In fact, it was possible he had done something very bad to deserve this.

Richard is wounded, and Alex is coping. Excellent h/c and excellent bloodplay and sharp, painful slice of Alex’ POV, excellently rendered.

At first — this was just like him — he thought he was hearing god. But it was only the man in the bed, whose face had turned toward him on the ragged pillow.

The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards

Third’s a Charm

Addam asks a favor of Brand.

Addam asks Brand for help, which ends up being exactly what Brand and Rune need.

Pretty good

Five times Brand crawls into Rune’s bed and one time Rune crawls into Brand’s.

Brand and Rune, through the years.

Teixcalaan Series - Arkady Martine

Also in the Act of Reaching

When Three Seagrass arrived at Lsel Station, she was, officially at least, traveling as a private personage. She had missed Mahit and the possibilities they’d both chosen to turn away from. She also had– would always have– a gaping hole in her life where Petal had once stood.

It was simply that, left on her own, Three Seagrass wouldn’t have let either absence drag her to the ass-end of beyond.

Reunion, metaphors and realigment. Subtle and clever and just right.

The (concept of the) World Was Wide Enough

Yskandr Aghavn comes to the world like a drowning man comes to shore, but he is living on borrowed time. Teixcalaan has so many wonderful things to choke on.

Teixcalaan has had his heart for all of his life, has elevated him, corrupted him, and discarded him.

It is Lsel that he thinks of as he dies.

Temple of the White Rat Universe - T. Kingfisher

If Grace Is Too Much

Zale is given a case by Bishop Beartongue which turns out to be more complicated and personal than a holy advocate-priest would prefer.

Clever and sweet and carefully shocking, but in a very right way.

Outreach

“We don’t generally assess the… cursédness… of objects, trees or otherwise,” Beartongue said.

Utterly delightful.

#17776 #astreiant #books of the raksura #sleuth of the ming dynasty #nirvana in fire #white rat universe #telxcalaan series #the tarot sequence #swordspoint #the goblin emperor #psmith #the secret garden #benjamin january mysteries #yuletide recs

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paodequeijofeliz-blog · 4 years ago

Note

Could you maybe write a fic of kamilah x mc where it’s their daughter’s parent teacher evening and kamilah is late due to traffic or a meeting and one of the teachers is openly flirting with mc in front of kamilah and kamilah scares the man in some way.(possessive kamilah)😂🔥🔥

Warnings: a little bit of violence. Not much.

“How long will it take, mommy?” Lysia was sitting on the hallway bench, her short legs bouncing in the air since they couldn’t reach the floor.

“Probably about an hour, sweetie. Why don’t you go play with your other classmates at the playground?” Annie was kneeled in front of the bench, holding both of her little hands.

The girl looked over her mother’s shoulder, pondering the idea for half a second before shaking her head and pulling the fairy tales book from her pretty yellow backpack. “No, I don’t want to. I’ll stay here reading. Can I?”

“Of course you can. Do you want me to swipe you some cookies from the meeting?”

“Hmmm the chocolate ones. Please.”

“Sure thing.” Annie kissed the tip of her nose before going through the door right next to the bench, where the parent-teacher meeting would take place.

Most of them were already there, and so was the teacher, Ms. Lins. She was the first to greet the woman who walked in, giving her a tight familiar hug, for they knew each other way before that. “Hi, Ann! Where’s Kamilah?”

“Hey, Kay. Well, Kami is…” Annie took her phone out of the pocket, checking the last message. “…late. Sorry, this week is being hard for her, a major client walked out on the last second.”

“No worries. Are you two still in for the picnic on Saturday? We can reschedule if you need…”

“No, no, no more rain checks. Lysia loves to play with Sunny, and I miss you, we haven’t been able to hang out ever since I left NYU.”

“That’s true, I miss you too. Well, let me know if something happens, alright?”

Slowly, everybody took their sits in the classroom, with Annie preferring to stay in the back, as closer to the coffee table as possible. Ms. Lins gave them a full update on the children’s development, their advancements and difficulties, a few issues regarding biting or pushing the classmates… Lysia’s name only came up to reinforce how well she was doing on her piano lessons, a compliment made by Ms. O’Malley, the music teacher. Other teachers were there too, the P.E. one, Ms. Roberts, the teacher’s assistant, Mr. Raymond, and someone beside all of them that Annie didn’t recognize. It was a tall man in a blue sweater, whose eyes kept coming back to her every now and again.

After half an hour, Kayla announced they were having a bake sale and needed to draw who would be in charge of bringing what. “Parents, feel welcome to go serve yourselves some coffee and cookies in the back while I write down the names for the draw.”

Annie didn’t lose time to refresh her cup, pretending she didn’t steal a couple ones before time while they were still talking about the kids.

“I see what you did there. Should I call the cops?” the man in the blue sweater approached her, a warm smile on his face. “It’s a major crime to steal coffee in a school meeting.”

“Oh, well, I’ll just have to add this one to my huge list of murders and trespassing.” Annie chuckled. It wasn’t just a joke.

“Aren’t you a rebel? I should be careful then.” He extended his hand, and when she reached out to shake it, the man held it for a little longer than normal. “Elias. Nice to meet you…?”

“Anna Sayeed. I’m Lysia’s mother.”

“Oh, right. I’ve been meaning to talk to you, Ms. Sayeed.”

“It’s actually Mrs…”

But he didn’t let Annie finish the sentence.

“She’s fantastic, absolutely talented. I don’t think the regular piano lessons are enough for her anymore. I’m the music teacher for older kids, mostly High School, but we have the project to make a mix class with the best students from all grades to play together. Lysia would do wonderful there.”

“That’s… Something to think about. I need to check with her what she likes best.”

“Sure, not a problem. If you don’t mind me saying, that kid is really lucky to have a great mother like you. Kayla told me about your lectures at NYU.” Elias took a step closer, enjoying how they were a little bit out of sight because of a column. “You’re a bold woman, Anna.”

“Thanks.” She sipped the coffee, feeling her cheeks blush over the unexpected compliment. “I used to be way more fearless back then. Had a bad temper though.”

“I see. And now you’re only playing by the rules?”

“I… Yes?”

Annie was getting confused by that conversation. Her attention was so focused in reading what Elias was implying that she didn’t even notice Kamilah arriving. The Vampire was standing by the door, arms crossed as she watched the stranger getting closer and closer to her wife. There was something in the way his eyes were roaming Annie’s face, searching for something, that disgusted her deeply. Every time he took a step forward, the woman in front of him would take a small step back, until she reached the column.

Kamilah was not liking the situation already. It only got worse when Elias put a hand on Annie’s shoulder, caressing it in a way that made her cringe by instinct. The woman was too polite and shy to say anything that could cause a scene, so she only dropped ger gaze to the floor, staring at her own feet to not let him make eye contact.

It was bad enough to see a man trying to hit on her wife, but the audacity to make her uncomfortable like that…

“I’m sorry about the delay, my love.” Kamilah pulled her by the waist and placed a sweet kiss on her cheek, keeping a possessive hand on her hips to send a message. “Did I miss much?”

“Oh, not at all. We were just discussing Lysia’s piano lessons.” There was relief on Annie’s voice. “Uhm, this is Elias, he’s a music teacher here. Elias, this is my wife, Kamilah.”

He hesitated for a second, nodding at the tall woman, but didn’t offer his hand. “Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Sayeed.”

The Vampire nodded back but didn’t respond. She wasn’t very pleasured to meet that man. “Is something wrong with Lysia’s lessons?”

“No, she’s doing great. They’re just giving us the option of moving her to more advanced classes.”

“Exactly, and as I was saying, it would be really good for her. I can make an appointment with you to explain things better later, Anna. Then I can answer all of your questions.” His smile and features seemed nice, but Kamilah wasn’t buying it. All she heard was an invitation for Annie to be alone with him. “I can assure you, Lysia would love to take the advanced classes.”

“With you.” That wasn’t a question, but rather a cold affirmation. The Egyptian was still staring at Elias with an unpleasant look on her face, pulling her wife a little bit closer.

“Yes.” He cleaned his throat, fixing the posture, but it didn’t matter, Kamilah was still taller than him. “With me.”

“We will discuss about it later.” Annie jumped ahead before things got bad, already able to read her wife’s thoughts from there. Thankfully, Kayla interrupted that awkward conversation by calling the parents back to do the draw. “We should check it.”

“Why don’t you go ahead? I’ll serve myself some coffee first.” The Vampire gave her a soft kiss, watching as she happily approached the others, so excited to know what her task would be.

Elias’s gaze also accompanied the woman. The man took the opportunity to dodge and flee, finding an excuse and leaving the room. Little did he know that Kamilah wasn’t going to let it go easily. She didn’t appreciate strangers touching her wife or cornering her like that. Without making a sound, the Vampire also left the classroom, her disappearance unnoticed since Annie was too busy rooting and waiting to hear her own name.

“Wha-” Elias’s eyes widened when he was pulled by the back of his neck and pushed against the wall. “What the hell?!”

“Listen to me very carefully, you bastard.” Kamilah stood so close, all he could see was those brown eyes glaring with such an intensity it almost seemed like they were a little reddish. One of her hands was still holding the man by the neck, while the other pointed a long fingernail at his face. “You never touch a woman without her permission first, especially during a parent-teacher meeting when she is so obviously trying to step back. Don’t try playing stupid with me. The next time you put a hand on my wife again…”

“You’ll beat the shit out of me?” he smirked, not nearly aware of the danger.

The Vampire’s grip tightened, causing the man to cough and lift his head for air. She let him feel the despair for a few seconds before releasing his breath again. As Kamilah took a step back, her eyes wondered the marks left on his neck, following them until finally reaching his scared gaze.

“Not me. She will. Anna can have you crying on the floor before you even notice what happened. Don’t be mistaken. You were lucky there was a crowd there. Pull this off again when there’s no one around and you will find out how well I trained her for combat. Now get the hell out of my sight.” She opened a dangerous smile, resting the hands on her hips as watched Elias stumble on his way out.

Just then, the Vampire’s hearing captured a familiar sound. A calm and steady breathing.

Kamilah sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, turning around to see Lysia on the bench. The girl was peacefully reading her favourite fairy tales’ book, and only closed it when felt her mother’s hand on her cheek. She looked up to find a soft smile on the face of someone who was threatening a man’s life a minute ago. “Baby…”

“She forgot my cookies.”

“What?” Lysia pointed at the door with her chin. “Oh, your mom. She promised you cookies?”

“Yes, chocolate ones. Can you get me some? I’m hungry.”

“Of course, my love.” The Vampire leaned to kiss the top of her head, lifting the girl’s face so their eyes would meet. “I’m sorry about what you saw here. I taught you that vio…”

“Violence is wrong. I know. You also taught me that no one can touch me without permission.” She offered a sweet smile, those puppy dark eyes shining against the light. “Maybe now he won’t forget it.”

“You’re absolutely right, sweetheart. I’ll bring you a bunch of cookies.”

“Thanks, mommy!”

Kamilah took her into a long and protective tight hug.

Not even God could help anyone who ever dared hurting her girls.

#choices: stories you play #kamilah x mc #kamilah sayeed #bb kamilah #choices kamilah #choices: bb #I hope you like it 💛#now there is just one more Kamilah request (which will be fluff and funny)#and a Charlieeeee

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idontreallyknowwwwww · 4 years ago

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UCONN Application Due at 5

‘’Have fun in Hell.’’ I looked at his lifeless body, slumped over the arm of the couch. His mouth was hanging open, and you could see the blue ring lining his lips from the detergent I had given him to drink. His eyes were glossed over, and his forehead was slick with sweat. I stared at him for a minute, amazed by my work, before I was launched back into reality. I have to get out of here. I left Raymond there, and exited through the back door. My heart was racing. I had to get home before I had an anxiety attack and gave myself away to the old lady tending to her garden next door.

I thought about it on the drive home. Can you justify murder if it’s for the right reason? He said he was going to kill me. Raymond said that if he didn’t kill me, something else would, so I should be thanking him for the favor. How fucked up is that? Well, look at how the tables had turned. I hadn’t been planning on killing him, but I just couldn’t stop myself. But who did I think I was fooling? Not myself, that’s for sure. And not the cops either. I had no proof that he had planned to kill me. No threatening text messages, no stalkerish behavior. But it would be fine, there was nothing to worry about. I had left no traces that it had been me. I had worn gloves, and I had made sure that he was dead before I left. So I should be fine. I should be jumping for joy, I had saved myself! That boy deserved to die. Why even bother going to his funeral? Actually, I should go to his funeral. He was my boyfriend. I had to at least pretend that I was sad about his untimely death. So I’ll go to the funeral, cry a few tears, and nobody will suspect a thing.

‘’Hi Mrs. Riker. This is Sarah. How are you?’’ It’s been a few days since the murder, and it’s been all over the news. Every hour of the day, Raymond’s face swarmed the tv screen. Gave me a headache. When will everybody get over him? He wasn’t even that big of a deal anyway. There’s been this boiling feeling in my stomach for the last few days. I don’t know what it is exactly. It’s not sadness. Definitely not. I would almost call it fear. But not of getting caught. I’m not sure what it is I’m afraid of, but this growing knot keeps on twisting itself tighter and tighter inside of me. And to make matters even worse, Raymond’s mother decided to call. ‘’I just cannot believe that someone would do this. Absolutely terrible. He was a beautiful boy, I know. And we all loved him so much. Saturday at one? Ok. No, I don’t want to make a speech. I get really nervous in front of big crowds. Yeah, Raymond would understand. Alright, well, I’ll see you in a few days then. Bye.’’

Saturday at one. That was when Raymond said that he was going to take me bowling for our one year anniversary. Well not anymore. I’d be taking him to his funeral instead. Hope he’s bowling with the devil, like he deserves.

So it’s Saturday now. I’m all ready for this bullshit funeral. This guy doesn’t deserve a funeral. He threatened to kill me! Nobody who threatens to end someone’s life should get a funeral. Whatever. I’ll go, weep a little, and then we can all move on with our lives. Nobody will ever think of Raymond Riker again. The bubble of panic in my stomach hasn’t gone away. I still don’t know what I’m afraid of. It’s been a week now, and I haven’t been caught. And it’s not like the police are going to come to the funeral and see me there. Raymond’s case will remain unsolved, and the police will have moved on to other cases by now.

‘’Let us all remember what a wonderful boy Raymond Riker was. He was a kind, compassionate soul, and we all will remember him dearly.’’ Raymond was lowered into the ground. His mom was crying, and it made me sad to see her that way. She had been nothing but kind to me. Oh well. I can’t let my guard down for some woman who didn’t even know her son was a killer. The snow crunched beneath everyone’s feet as they slowly began to leave the burial sight. After a while, it was only me, Raymond’s parents, and some old lady. I took one last look at the people left, and then turned to leave. I walked back to my car in silence. It’s all done now. It’s official. He’s dead. He’s buried. His existence had ceased to exist.

I sat in my car with my hands on the steering wheel. I had to get home. My application to UCONN was due at five this afternoon, and I hadn’t finished it yet. I reached to buckle my seatbelt, when someone knocked on the window. A young police officer was standing outside. He was short and stocky, and had a baby face with curly blond hair. His name tag said Officer Rodney. I rolled down my window. ‘’Ma’am, I need you to step outside your vehicle.’’ His voice shook a little bit. I stepped out of the car, trying to keep a straight face. ‘’ Can you tell me your name?’’ I shut the car door. ‘’Sarah Jay.’’ I clasped my hands behind my back. ‘’I need you to come down to the station with me. You’ve been deemed as a suspect in the murder of Raymond J. Riker.’’ Suspect? How? ‘’I’m not sure I understand.’’ I was swaying from side to side. The officer was probably taking note of that. I stopped. ‘’We have some questions for you. And a witness said that they saw you at the scene of the crime. Please step into my car.’’ What was I going to do now? I couldn’t run. Even though there’s no way this guy could catch me, he had a gun. He could shoot me. And if I run, they’ll know it was me. I gingerly slid into the backseat of his police car. All I had to do was deny everything. I just had to play the distraught girlfriend who loved her boyfriend. I could come up with the whole script right now, on the way to the station. I could say I saw myself spending the rest of my life with Raymond, how I envisioned walking down the aisle towards him on our wedding day. But who was I kidding. They wouldn’t believe that. And what about this supposed witness? How do the police know they aren’t lying? God, this was all a mess. This wasn’t going to plan, and now I had to do damage control on a situation that I put myself in.

The station was grimy. The smells of sweat and coffee intertwined inside my nostrils and suffocated me. My converse sneakers squealed against the linoleum floor, making me acutely aware of how loud my footsteps were. The officer brought me into a room with no windows. There was one door, and it was the one we came in. Inside the room was a different officer, this one with a crew cut and fair skin. He was taller than the other officer, and older too. His name tag said Officer Donald. I sat down in the chair across from him. I looked him dead in the eyes. My clasped hands were only about two inches away from his. If I extended one finger, I could probably touch one of his veiny knuckles.

‘’Did you know Raymond Riker?’’ His voice was deep. I decided to fixate in on his lips, instead of staring into his deep brown eyes. ‘’Yes.’’ I paused. ‘’He was my boyfriend.’’ The officer had the beginning of a moustache growing along his upper lip. ‘’And how long had you been dating?’’ His lips tended to lean over to the left side when he spoke. ‘’It would’ve been our one year anniversary today.’’ I kept a monotone voice. ‘’Tell me a little bit about your relationship. Did he ever take you out on dates? Did you ever invite him over to meet your parents?’’ His two middle teeth on the bottom slightly overlapped each other. ‘’He would take me to the movies sometimes. Sometimes we would watch movies at his house. We both really liked to watch movies.’’ My heart rate was slowing down. I could do this. Just tell the truth. ‘’And what is your favorite movie?’’ I looked up at his eyes. Was this some kind of trick? Why did this matter in the investigation? ‘’My favorite movie is Heathers.’’ I looked back down at his mouth. His gaze was too intense for me. ‘’Explain to me the plot of Heathers.’’ There was a scar on the left side of his chin. A very small scar that was in a half moon shape. ‘’It’s about a girl who starts dating a phsycopath, and they murder the most popular people in the school. Why?’’ I looked back up at his eyes. They had narrowed slightly.

‘’Do you know why you’re here?’’ He blinked. I blinked back. ‘’Because you think I killed Raymond.’’ I blinked again. And again. My eyes were drying up. ‘’And supposedly, someone saw me at the scene of the crime which is impossible.’’ This guy was good at his job. But I was better. I had to stay one step ahead of him. ‘’Yes. And do you want to know something that I found interesting?’’ He tilted his head slightly. ‘’I talked to Raymond’s mom, and she said that she has no idea who you are.’’

That caught me off guard. ‘’But I just talked to her on the phone the other day. I’ve been to her house for dinner. She made a platter of cookies for me around Christmas time.’’ I was rambling. I was sweating. I was blinking really fast. I was doing all the things that I had told myself not to do. I had to stop. I could regain control of the situation if I wanted to. ‘’Mrs. Riker told me that she received a phone call from you a few days before the funeral. She said that she thought she didn’t know who she was talking to, and assumed it was one of Raymond’s friends.’’ My bangs were sticking to my sweaty forehead. I unclenched my hands, and the officer looked down when I did. He had definitely noticed. ‘’Mrs. Riker said that she looked through all of Raymond’s contacts, and all his friends were male. Which makes no sense, because she had talked to a female named Sarah on the phone.’’ He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. They were hairy, and he had a tattoo peeking out from under his short sleeve on his right bicep.

‘’How does this link me to the murder? How does this make me a suspect?’’ I had to stop sounding so defensive. ‘’How do you know that she wasn’t just making things up? Obviously, her mental health would have to have suffered from the death of her son.’’ I leaned back in my chair also. I folded my arms. The officer eyed me. ‘’We traced the phone call back to your house.’’ We sat in silence. I didn’t know what to say. Mrs. Riker was lying. She knew who I was. I had been dating her son for the last year.

‘’Raymond’s mother also said that he had never had a girlfriend, at least that she knew of.’’ The officer furrowed his eyebrows. ‘’Well maybe he just never told her about me. I was under the impression that he had told his parents about us, but maybe I was wrong.’’ My foot was tapping on the tile floor. It echoed through the empty room. The officer leaned forward. ‘’Didn’t you just say that you had been to her house multiple times for dinner, and she even made you cookies last Christmas?’’

Shit. This was making no sense. ‘’She knows who I am, ok? I don’t know what you want me to say.’’ I had raised my voice a little bit, and I was breathing heavily. The officer leaned even closer. ‘’Tell me, Stephanie, do you ever pretend to be someone you’re not?’’ What kind of question was that? ‘’No. Why would I do that?’’ My eyes scanned the room. There was nothing to see except white walls and the tile floor. ‘’My fellow officer Rodney, the one who brought you here, said that you told him your name was Sarah Jay.’’ He paused. ‘’But on your birth certificate, and driver’s licence, it says Stephanie Jones.’’

I stared at him. ‘’I’ve been doing some research on you for the last few days, Stephanie. It says here in my notes that you were admitted into Adam River’s Institute for the Mentally Disabled on July 29th of last year. You were held there for showing serious signs of Dissociative Identity Disorder, and you were violent at times. Does any of this ring a bell?’’ I felt like I was going to be sick. The knot in my stomach was tighter than ever, and it felt like it was squeezing me so hard I could hardly breathe. ‘’I got better. I was never going to have to go back there ever again because I was better when I left.’’ I was hyperventilating. How dare he bring this up to me? ‘’Well it doesn’t seem like you did get better, Stephanie, considering you are still struggling with more than one personality.’’ I glowered at him. I was pissed. ‘’Who told you they saw me? Who was it?’’ I was practically yelling now. Donald didn’t even flinch. ‘’Raymond’s next door neighbor, Mrs. Willowbey. She was in her garden when she saw you leave the house with black gloves and a bottle of Tide detergent in your hand, which is what was used to kill Raymond.’’

Tears were streaming down my face. The officer probably thought I was crying because he had figured it out. But no. I didn’t care that he had figured it out. ‘’How dare you call me Stephanie. My name is Sarah Jay!’’ I stood up. ‘’And yes, I fucking killed Raymond Riker! I gave him a cup of Tide detergent, because he said that he was going to kill me! I was in danger! I had every right to kill him!’’ Officer Donald stood up and backed away from me. He picked up his walkie talkie and called for backup. We stood there staring at each other for a second. I was out of control. The knot in my stomach had finally exploded, and everything that had been contained inside of it had come bursting out. Stephanie Jones had been what was trapped in that ball. And even though I had tried so hard to lock her away, she had somehow managed to claw her way back to the surface of my skin and inside the confines of my brain. She had maneuvered Sarah’s hands to do the deed that Stephanie wanted, and my body, Sarah Jay’s body, had become a robot, programmed to do as Stephanie wished. And together, Sarah and Stephanie had killed an unsuspecting boy named Raymond Riker that Sarah had convinced herself she was in love with, even though she had never met him a day in her life.

‘’I’m not going back to that place. I won’t. You can’t make me.’’ My whole body felt like it was being pricked with a thousand tiny little needles. I could hear my blood rushing in my ears. It sounded like a river. Like Adam River. Adam River’s Institute for the Mentally Disabled. The name was burning inside my brain. Like someone took a hot branding iron and pressed it into the soft pink flesh, and it was destroying all the tiny neurons and veins inside. Two pairs of burly arms wrapped around me. The feeling of cold metal around my wrists felt oddly relieving. I knew where I was going. I was going to jail. Stephanie was going to jail. And I finally felt some relief knowing that there was no way in hell that she was ever going to be let back out to control me again.

#idontreallyknow #writing #creativewriting #creative writing #stories #books #creepy #creepy stories #scary #mentally ill #hope you like this!

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artisticamore · 5 years ago

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❄❄The tiniest snowflake❄❄

The tattoo is a symbol of the snowflake clan. A large intricate detailed snowflake made of warm hues of amber dusted in sliver, outlines in gold. Everyone wore the mark with pride, with honour. They were a clan of assassin's everybody knew that they would do anything for money. But they only went after thoes who the law couldn't touch thoes who hid in darkness, the unknown of society. But something changed after 300 years of loyalty. Their views changed. After a while killing people wasn't enough they were hungry for even more power so they became something twisted. What was once a clan of protectors, hero's was now a name that scared everyone.

Seven-year-old Amethyst watches the sky from her perch, her back against the tree trunk, her legs stretched out in front of her. This was her escape, high in the trees where no one could reach her. Isolated and alone, where eyes can’t see her and faces can’t sneer at her . A safe haven, her God given solace, but also a curse.

Loneliness.

It’s a double-edged sword.

Alone, she doesn’t have to listen to the poison that spews from people’s lips, washing over her and choking her. She doesn’t have to see the hatred and malice directed toward a not-so-hypothetical devil spawn or the jeering glee at the image of said spawn’s rightfully earned suffering and death for the crime of existing. She doesn’t have to hear stories and legends about the oh so great clan and how she tainted their bloodline. How her parents should have struck her down of her 5th birthday. She was useless, unwanted, something ugly that didnt deserve to keep living. All because of her being born quirkless. Was she really something tinted, twisted and unclean? Would she really be destined to live a life of hardships? Would she really die lonely and alone never to know love?

Their words cut deep than any sword could, even alone, she is trapped in her own head. When she's with people, she at least has something she can take her frustration out on. Without them, her thoughts enter a downward spiral of anger and self-disgust.

Still, it is better this way, at least, that is what she has convinced herself.

Who can possibly stand the thought of being near someone like her?

She didn’t deserve to be born. She is evil personified after all; there is nothing good about her.

She's tainted.

And so her thoughts would go, on and on in an endless, self-crippling cycle.

However today was different something had happened something even when your evil the honor the clan once had wouldn't stand for. Someone died that shouldn't have, as assassin's they had one rule get the job done, don't be seen, but most importantly do it right. The family broker aka Nathaniel was in charge of the assignments who got A-E assassinations.

Going by all the screaming someone royal screwed up a A column assassination attempt killing the 3rd cousin of the target, the good looks gene must run very deep to look so much like each other that even your 3rd cousin could past to be you.

"They want who blood as collateral?" Screamed the monarch!

Nathaniel looked his long time friend and boss in the eye. "The assassin who killed the wrong man. I know this isn't something you want to hear believe my old friends but a sacrifice must be made as payment you know the law of the trade a life for a life."

"Unacceptable Nathaniel! I refuse to give up one of my best assassin's just because they didn't give a clear description. How was we to know that not only did they have the wrong person but that he had three look alike, he has the picture on him saw his target made the kill end of story. If they want a sacrifice they'll get on. I'm a man of my word and I follow the rules however they will not be getting the killer. Instead you can repay them with little miss worthless. I've been trying to find out a way to get rid of the brat for a whole year." The monarch gave a killer smile.

Nathaniel couldn't say he didn't see this coming. His old friend could be a hothead. Signing he nodded his head while making a call to set up preparations for the transfer.

Amethyst couldn't believe her ears she was being sold. Quickly and quietly she climbed down from her hiding spot making it back to her room just in time for the door to be busted open. Raymond her uncle drags her before the gathered clan members throwing her down before the monarch. Amethyst kept her eyes to the floor she wasnt allowed to look up to anyone unless being told otherwise. From there she listened to the clan speak about her, laughing and calling out words of happiness that she will no longer be their problem. The monarch spoke up calling the attention to be once again on himself. He announced that she will no longer live here from now on. Amethyst doesn’t know what to think. She didn't understand even if given as payment what could she possibly give, what use was she, was a nobody, she was quirkless though she did know how to fight she learnt by watching in serect her clan thought so much of themselves that they viewed she couldn't do anything yet she was quieter than the most skilled in stealth and was the lightest on her feet out of the whole clan. Well that came from being underweight. She might not look it but she was indeed much lighter than she looked.

Her face most have gave her away because next thing she knew she smacked hard enough she saw stars. She must had caught the side of her cheek between her teeth, blood pulled inside her mouth. Yet she stayed submissive low to the ground her head never once lifting higher. The monarch was angry, no pissed he sneered at her and spat in her face that she would be a prefect slave. That she would listen to each and every instruction place upon her and was expected to fulfill each task perfectly. She was also warned if she failed to do as told even death wouldn't be merciful for what they would do to her. Amethyst nodded silently brushing the spit and blood on her ragged clothes. Next to the monarch stood his wife the misstress or shedevil in her book.

She rattled off a list of things such as her new training, no longer would she clean and cook. She had maybe a few weeks to months till the transfer was to be completed. Her training was in effect immediately. Shedevil order the clans women to teach her how to walk seductress not knowing what type of slave she would become. Shedevil explained that even though she was young and no one would touch her she must learn how to be a hostess.

From that night on till the night of her be shipped off she trained, walk like a lady, talk and listen like the person in your company hung the very moon themself. She was given better clothing too, she trained her voice to be softer sweeter, musical. The males of the clan showed her how to assist them in dressing while the woman did the same too just in case she was made into a lady in waiting. The cooks were given the task to show her how to make many different drinks. The monarch and shedevil gave little praise to her picking up her skills hastily. Little did they know Amethyst was always a fast learner dare say she was a genius not that anyone took note of it. After many weeks of hard training the day had come she was being transfer many states of to a underground strong held ran by the strongest family the mafia.

When Amethyst came too, the first thing she registered was pain.

Burning, searing pain. The kind of pain she hadn’t felt in weeks. Not since she started her new training. Her newest owner hated her by sight called her ugly and unsightly, that her skin tone was a eyesore, that her curly natural hair was dirty looking even though her hair was washed and scented with warm lavender and coconut oil for some reason her Misstress hated her. Amethyst was no stranger to to racism she knew prejudice when she saw it. She couldn't feel the weight of her own hair anymore, tentatively, slowly she ran her hand across her head, where once laid shoulder length hair pulled into a bun. Now was a tiny curly afro, someone had lopped off her hair. She felt empty; the constant warmth of her hair provided was no longer there to soothe her. It was agonizing; her back felt like it was on fire, skin and flesh seared down to bone. It hurt to move, hurt to breath. It was agonizing. But Amethyst clenched her jaw and grit her teeth, refusing to let any sound escape, refusing to let them know she was in pain, refusing to give them the satisfaction. She may be a slave, but she was not broken. Not even her own clan had broken her and neither would her new mistress.

As the pain in her back dulled, she let her senses take over. She was lying on her stomach, the surface beneath her hard and cold, a sharp contrast to her back. Something cool was locked in place around her neck, wrists, and ankles. A collar. Shackles. And suddenly, with startling clarity, Amethyst realized that the burning pain in her back was a brand. She hadn’t just been sold. She was branded as a plaything in essence she was a pet.

Fury coiled in her gut and rage bubbled up her throat. Not even her own blood stooped to something so cruel even if she was viewed as worthless scars on the back was a warriors shame. Even though she was beat upon they never once marked her back out of honor.

Amethyst cried, tears burred her eyes, tightly clamped lips cut off any noise trying to make its way out. She had read stories about this; that some people marked their property like animals. She’d always thought it odd that she never heard to clan brag about offing such ones where in the grand hall of history she has read about such ones. Back in the day her clan hunted such ones down. So why was these people permitted to do such a thing to her, why were they able to keep breathing? Amethyst had her answer now. And it sickened her greatly . Their lives were spared because her clan fell so far from honour and grace that their love of money and possible fame made it so that they supported this disgusting practice. The only reason why her clan was so know now wasn't because if their Legacy. NO they were in the back pocket of the government pretending to be honorable.

Amethyst was pulled out of her thoughts when cool air brushed over the wound on her back. Her eyes snapped open of their own accord and she was met with the sight of a older boy. A very, very tall boy. He was thin, startlingly so, but his face somehow still held the roundness of a child’s. Maybe 15 no older then 17 He had big, grey eyes, a large scar across his nose, and a mop of black hair. He wore nothing but a pair of worn and ragged pants, no shirt, no shoes. His wrists and ankles had thick black shackles, but the collar around his neck showed his strength a first classes high tech quirj collar Amethyst didn’t need to see his back.

This teen was a slave and very powerful.

Her eyes flitted around the room they were in. Or rather, the cell. It was medium sized, the floor, ceiling and three of the walls made of cold, unforgiving stone. The fourth wall was made of metal bars. Amethyst saw a hallway possibly the way out. She could see another cell across from their and what looked to be a storage room might hold supplies.

Her vision was obscured by another face in front of her's. “So,” he drawls from her eft in the darkness of the cell, and Amethyst freezes, “Awake finally. Your very interesting, little one I heard the guards say your quirkless yet I noticed your eyes flash. Shhhh... your okay there is no need to panic they haven't seen it. You've been here about a few months this is first time you've stayed awake though. I'm glad your alright.”

Months? Amethyst doesn't remember that only the first day of meeting and possibly a few hours after that. So she's been here longer than what she thought, Amethyst thinks it would be best not to answer him however he was the only one here with her. Company would be nice maybe since he been here longer he knew things. She licked her lip once twice then and third time befor clearing her throat. "I'm Amethyst." She rasping out.

"Pleasure to meet you, I'm Hatsuharu though I go by Haru. My friends call me dark Haru as a joke because of my quirk. It's void and sentinel my quirk gives damage boosts to my allies, but it draws my opponents attention and focus AWAY from my allies and towards the user, allowing for the perfect distraction! Because it's basically a taunting quirk, a defensive abilities activated. The cold air you felt on you when you first woke was me using my quirk on you, I've been here for a long time wearing these, I've kinda grown a somewhat immunity to the quirk suppressors. I'll help you out anyway I can."

"Why? What’s in it for you?”

This one was different then the other slaves that came through here. Haru could see that he knew the quirkless was treated like dirt less than everything hell trash was viewed better. Amethyst read him the way he’s standing, searching for any weaknesses, searching for any hint of ill meaning. And maybe a better word would be analyzing. This girl wasn’t just reading him. She was completely analyzing him, and she was about as ready as one can be to jump out if Haru would make any sudden movement. Despite hurt she could still fight.

“Nothing.” Haru shrugged.

“Impossible. No one offers without expecting something back.”

"I've heard what they have in store for you once you come of age I want to help you. But I'm gonna need your help too, i need to get home. They think your quirkless you might be a late bloomer or possible a rare case of a forced quirk mutation from all the hardships. Your quirkless so I know your life hasn't been easy. I'll watch out for you and you do the same for me. With them thinking your quirkless they'll underestimate you."

For a few seconds, silence falls in the cell again, and then the same voice replies in dry, almost flippant tones, “Your underweight tiny but a fighter i can tell just looking at, youve probably foiled everyone. But not me before becoming a slave i was a vigilante."

Wait he said Months didn't he?

Amethyst had to concentrate on breathing for a minute, in and out, in and out, until the strange tangle of panic and grief that hits her out of nowhere fades again.

“Haru,” She eventually croaks out. She pauses, then forces out, “How… many months … has it been?”

“Not sure exactly,” Her cellmate - Haru - answers easily. “I think we get fed once a day, but I didn’t know that at first so I didn’t bother counting, and I’ve probably missed a few days here and there. As close as I can tell though, it’s been almost six months since they stashed you in here with me, give or take. If you were in a different cell before, I wouldn’t know.”

Six month. Six months . Six-

“Hey, calm down,” Haru cuts in, and for the first time, something sharp enters his voice. “If the guards see you throwing a fit, they’ll gas us unconscious. And that’s all they’ll do if we’re lucky,

but considering the fact that we’re here at all, luck screwed us over a long time ago.”

Amethyst drags in a shaky breath that rattles down her throat and feels like it gets stuck somewhere in her chest. She does it again and again until she regains a thin veneer of calm that at least allows her to think. The muscles in her back burn with each breath.

Six months. In a way, it feels like it’s been even longer than that. But, she thinks, some part of her still clung to the hope that it hasn’t been months, maybe days at most, and…

(And she promised herself, deep down, that if she ever got out her family would pay back for everything in tenthfold every scar, the abuse the hardships. Everything. She'll grow stronger she'll get as far from America as she could, she'll make a name for herself she'll live and maybe find someone who will love her. And live her life to the fullest.

She knew what it sounded like, a fairy tale, and she learned a long time ago that there’s no such thing in real life, so she knows full well that if a life of comfort full of love and happiness and a family of her own is what she wanted she'll have to put in the blood, sweat and tears.)

She lies there in the darkness for a while, just… digesting everything, and her cellmate doesn’t interrupt. Her thoughts turn to Haru which is an easier subject to focus on than how much time she's lost. Older than her, and strong by the looks of. Smarter than her. Skilled too.

“You said… since they put me in here with you,” she frowns. “How long… have you been here?”

Haru hums, and there’s a note of surprise in the sound, like he didn’t expect her to pick up on that, or maybe to ask about it at all. “Dunno. Like I said, I didn’t count at first. I had no way to tell morning or night my eyes were covered at first for weeks. But maybe three years or so? Had the cell all to myself back then. My will was stronger back then I broke out a few times too each time I did I was caught and drugged till they had enough they broke both my legs and put this high end collar on me. I stopped trying after.

“How old are you?” she asks abruptly.

Haru doesn’t answer right away, and when he does he looks sad. "I had just turned 16 when I was captured. I was out on patrol with a buddy of mine. We heard of kids being taken of the streets so I was watching over the children who walks home I kept everyone safe except myself."

“I’m fairly certain that you did your best if your the only one who ended up here.” Amethyst explained.

“True as that maybe i still shouldn't have been taken,” Haru volleys back without missing a beat, and Amethyst sighs and lets the matter drop.

“Why are you in here?” He asks instead. “how old are? I can't till your very short.”

"I'm here as payment, a life for a life, my family are hired assassin's someone murder the wrong person. Normally the guilty person gives their life however the monarch of my family gave me in their place. As for my page if I really been out for weeks then I just turned eight years old.

Thank you so much for your help my lovely friends.

@thedreadthread @plainbrunettelbl @monst @smittenkitten143 @todorokiaimee

@ezramine-chan

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yourfandomfriend · 5 years ago

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An Arsenic and Old Lace Retrospective

Frank Capra directed the now-classic then-flop, It’s a Wonderful Life, and through repeat airing it’s come to be appreciated as one of the best Christmas movies ever made. I wish the same would happen with Capra’s other, lesser-known holiday movie, Arsenic and Old Lace.

Last year I asked you guys what I should do a spooky meta on, and Arsenic and Old Lace lost to Eerie, Indiana. But I’ve had this old gem on my mind ever since. It’s not exactly obscure, but a lot of people haven’t heard of it and that’s a shame.

I’ve talked about this movie before, but it’s one of my favorite movies of all time, thanks to the material, the cast, the director, and of course, the setting.

Halloween!

** SPOILERS**

FOR ARSENIC AND OLD LACE ** SPOILERS **

While we’re warning people, this movie is from the 1940s. It not only plays violence and murder for laughs, but it also psychopathy and alcoholism, so if any of that bothers you, this is not the movie for you.

Based on a really good, really popular broadway play, Arsenic and Old Lace was a safe picture Frank Capra made to make sure his family would have money during the breaking Second World War.

There are a few problems with the adaption. For one thing, the main character in the play was a dramatic critic and his knowledge of the tropes and cliches of suspense plays was used to turn a suspense plot into a meta-comedy. But moving mediums makes it less meta than just mocking.

Also, the play had a piece of delicious stunt casting the movie couldn't get. Boris Karloff -- then renowned for playing Frankenstein in one of the most influential horror films, period -- played a character who’d had his face mangled by a drunken plastic surgeon and everyone in the play remarks on his resemblance to... Boris Karloff.

Unfortunately, when the play’s producers wouldn’t let it’s star be in it, the joke just wasn’t the same. They also added a pointless framing device with a cabby and censored the best jokes in the story. Other people have complained about Cary Grant’s over-the-top performance, including Grant, but I could give a damn. He’s funny and he’s lookin’ fine as hell in this movie. I’m good.

That being said, and without giving everything away, here’s the plot.

Mortimer Brewster (Grant) is a cynical dramatic critic, reluctant to marry his sweetheart, Elaine (Priscilla Lane). It turns out he’s nervous about starting a new family because his own has a history of madness and murder that stretches back to the Mayflower, and he’s afraid any children he had with Elaine would keep that tradition alive.

But when he finally decides to tie the knot, he returns to his childhood home in Brooklyn to tell his spinster aunts, Abby and Martha, (played adorably by Josephine Hull and Jean Adair) the good news. They insist on celebrating so Mortimer puts his honeymoon on hold.

Mortimer’s brother, Teddy, (John Alexander) still lives at home, needing to be cared for by his aunties. You see, he’s convinced he’s Theodore Roosevelt. He feels the need to charge the stairs like they’re San Juan Hill. The cops are over frequently because Teddy’s been disturbing the peace by blowing his bugle.

Everybody knows Teddy’s a loon, but he’s obviously harmless so no one takes him seriously when he casually mentions digging new locks for the Panama Canal or “Yellow Fever” victims in the cellar...

Mortimer’s other brother, Jonathan, (Raymond Massey) who’s been away for twenty years, chooses that night of all nights to come home. Escaped from a prison for the criminally insane, he’s spent the last few years running from the law. When he comes home, it's with a fresh corpse in tow, a guy he calls Mr. Spenalzo, who he killed for trying to blackmail him, and for saying he looked like Boris Karloff, something that absolutely sets Jonathan off.

The reason for this, as mentioned above, was that the doctor who changed his face was hammered... and watched Frankenstein just before he operated.

This doctor is Herman Einstein, (Peter Lorre) a gangland surgeon and Jonathan's accomplice. He’s the one who broke Jonathan out and changes his face for him whenever it’s necessary. The Brewster house has a laboratory upstairs (remember, these people are historically bonkers) and Jonathan wants to start a business there, changing criminals’ faces for cash and using his sweet innocent aunties as a front.

There’s only one problem: sweet though they may be, the Brewster sisters are far from innocent.

* * *

This is a truly screwy plot with a lovely cast and it’s very Halloweeny and funny.

As sad as it is that Karloff couldn’t be in it, Massey plays Jonathan very well and unless someone brings up his resemblance to Karloff, it’s easy to forget and just enjoy his performance. He makes Jonathan feel more like a gangster than a movie monster, and while there are times when he’s clearly doing a Karloff impression, the rest of the time he’s just being a dick.

The actors all have really great chemistry with each other. Teddy is the absolute cutest, I’m not sure how, and the Brewster sisters are fantastic. The lovebirds are likable, it’s fun to watch Grant and Massey face off like sworn enemies, and anytime these guys get to improv, it’s delightful. Grant is just goofy and you get to see him talk to himself a lot in this movie.

Every once in a while, the tone goes dark, but only for a laugh.

As anyone who’s followed me on any social media platform will tell you, Peter Lorre is my favorite actor, but this movie is the reason why. Despite the fact that he’s basically just playing the role he’d been typecast as for years (a creepy, vaguely German criminal who’s not not-crazy) he plays him with depth and pathos and somehow manages to make a murderer’s accomplice in a spoof comedy into a terribly tragic figure. It may not be Lorre’s best movie or best performance, but it will always be my personal favorite.

I know it's not even September yet, but Happy Halloween anyway!

#arsenic and old lace #cary grant #peter lorre #happy halloween #long post

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yeonchi · 5 years ago

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Sasha Fokin (Crazy Ukranian Kid) - Behind the Meme

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The language barrier is such a wonderful thing. Without the ability to understand the context behind something, we can react to it any way we want. As such, people are so easy to judge others.

The three-minute video above is usually the only thing that Westerners know about Sasha (because this is usually the only bit that gets used in memes and as such, is the only bit that gets translated). Sasha’s story is a two-parter that premiered in December 2011 with a lot of golden meme material left untapped. I know because I bothered to watch the videos and I used a bit of extra material in my own parodies, which I did in high school.

This show is a Ukranian adaptation of the BBC show Honey, We’re Killing the Kids, which was broadcast from 2005 to 2007. The show’s name in Ukranian is Кохана, ми вбиваємо дітей (Kokhana, my vbyvayemo ditey) and amazingly, it was broadcast on STB from 2011 to 2017. I mean, is it really surprising for a channel that has been known for reality TV?

I must warn you, I am only able to recap Sasha’s story (in the two-parter) from what I can see. The show was broadcast in Ukranian, but YouTube’s auto-transcription system assumes that it’s Russian, so the English translation I get is not very good. Part 1 is here and Part 2 is here.

Context

11-year-old Sasha lives with his mother Elena and 5-year-old little brother Oleksiy. Elena is a single OL, so presumably Sasha and Oleksiy are left at home. Sasha is addicted to computer games and television. He is known to play violent and gory video games. We see him laughing at a violent cartoon. There was a line where he said something that translated to “swears, blood and tits”. He and his brother are known to fight each other and they don’t eat healthily. His grandmother can’t control him and he refuses to do his homework.

The brothers are taken to do some tests to analyse their current condition. Elena meets with the host, Dmytro Karpachov, who shows them simulated images of what Sasha and Oleksiy would probably look like in their current situation when they turn 40. Sasha kind of looks like Sal from Futurama while Oleksiy reminds me of Brad Garrett (who played Robert in Everybody Loves Raymond). The life expectancy of Ukranian men at the time was 62; it was predicted that Sasha and Oleksiy’s life expectancies would be 59 and 57 respectively. Dmytro gives the family a few rules to live by for the week, which include limiting their screen time and only playing non-violent games, a change in diet and giving the brothers their own spaces.

Next, we see the family implementing their new rules for the first week. The brothers don’t want to eat the healthy food and Sasha begins playing his violent games again. We then come to the first half of the meme video, up to the point where Sasha goes into the kitchen and starts whacking some papers on the chair. What you didn’t see after that was that Elena came into the kitchen and Sasha attempts to attack her with anything he could find. She lectures him for a long time and Sasha is finally convinced to do his homework.

The next day, Sasha and Oleksiy are taken to a karate class in the hope that they can get some exercise. Interestingly, he gets interviewed during the class while the other kids stand in a line behind him. We then see them back at home practising their karate moves. Elena prepares a healthy dinner and both Sasha and Oleksiy are willing to eat it. They have the bedroom renovated and they get the kids involved.

On the third day, the kids are taken to a speech therapist. Upon getting home, Sasha is on the computer again and in getting him to do his homework, there is a verbal altercation between him and Elena. Elena has someone come in to create a new user account for Sasha so she can limit his use of the computer. This leads us to the second half of the meme video. Sasha goes on the computer and is led to use the new account that was made for him. He discovers that he can’t access his games or the internet. There’s the bit from the video where he makes a creepy smile and says “I will install all the games”. The ensuing argument is skipped in the meme video, up to when Elena gets Sasha to turn off the computer and she throws the keyboard away when she can’t. We then have the scene where Sasha starts crying and screaming at his mother. That’s when the meme video usually ends, but what happens after that is absolute meme gold. Elena and Sasha start fighting again, at which point the former gets psychologist Igor Artemyeva (he’s not the father) to restrain him (I interpreted it as a rape scene in my parody). This ends Part 1.

Part 2 starts with Elena seeing Dmytro to discuss their progress. He implements three new rules on top of the previous three; “it’s time to grow up”, meaning that they should start living a more adult-conscious life, “get to know the world”, which I might have mistranslated because of auto-translate, but he arranges for them to visit an animation studio, and also for Elena to “care for [herself] more”. Yeah, I kind of borked there. I’m starting the days again.

During what seems to be the second week, Elena goes for a snorkelling session at the pool while Sasha goes to buy food and make dinner. The next day, they go to visit the animation studio, where they make a clay stop-motion cartoon. Knowing Sasha, there is a violent nature to it, but it’s as violent as Dynasty Warriors is “violent”.

Later, Sasha helps plan his birthday party and we see his friends during the party. It’s unclear to me what happens after that, but from what I can make out, we see him bending the rules at home, making food in the kitchen, going to school, coming back from school, has a friend come over, then his grandma comes over and they have what seems to be a little argument about homework or something.

At the end of the week, they see Dmytro again and he implements three more new rules for the next week; “fight against aggression”, “help and respect your elders” and “win against the computer” or something like that, I dunno, there was a finish flag there.

During the next week, the family goes go-carting. While Elena is at work, Sasha learns how to take care of the house and do his homework. He also learns to build a canvas wardrobe. Sasha and Oleksiy start fighting again and there’s another interpreted rape scene where Sasha unzips his pants (but not his underwear) and pretends to pee on Oleksiy. After comforting Oleksiy (this kid, I swear), Elena makes a life-size punching doll for them to punch and hit all they want.

This is where things start to go back to where they were. After some days, Sasha somehow goes back on the computer again. His grandmother comes in and confronts him and there’s this bit where during an altercation, Sasha pushes her away and goes back on the computer.

During Elena’s final meeting with Dmytro, she did not seem positive about the changes. The simulation of Oleksiy at 40 shows a marked improvement over the initial simulation, but Sasha didn’t seem to change much. Dmytro states to Elena that there were rules she didn’t fully implement and some generally ignored. Later on, Dmytro goes to visit the family at their home. He finds Sasha still at the computer and in trying to speak to him, he gets sworn at.

This ends Part 2. There was also a set of behind-the-scenes footage that wasn’t in the episode, but is pretty memetic. Once again, a lot of things have gotten lost in translation, but I managed to get the gist of it. If anyone wants to correct me on something or enlighten me on the full details of what happened, feel free to contact me.

Sasha revisited

In 2015, Sasha, Oleksiy and Elena are interviewed in a special episode of the show filmed in front of a studio audience. I remember downloading the raw footage of it from VK and using the Sasha portion of it for another parody. It was nearly 30 minutes long and I had to fill it with random dialogue. I deleted the raw footage afterwards, but this YouTuber did a reaction video on that, which you can find here. And finally, you can see Sasha in glorious widescreen. In that 2015 interview, footage from this video was shown of him at school seemingly fighting a couple of others.

Around 2017, Sasha started posting on YouTube. For those of you who were wondering, 2017 Sasha looked about the same as 2015 Sasha, so this image is fake news. He’s basically a fucking gopnik now. He did a few crazy videos, but he also did a few videos talking about his time on the show as well. A couple of these “crazy” videos include this one, which seems to be some kind of debate between beer and cider that quickly turns violent, and this one, which seems to be an attempt at gopnik rap (fuck you, there’s no hardbass in this). He also did this reenactment of some key moments from the two episodes. He also had an Instagram account, but it seems to have been deleted.

This is one of the videos in which he shares his feelings about his time on the show. Gathering from this video and some other articles, I deduced that he was bullied by everyone at school after they heard about his family’s problems and was forced to change schools as a result. He also states that he doesn’t know how to act around girls, but I think that’s a separate thing considering there are other people with this problem. In this video, he mentions an incident where he shat himself in class because his tea was laced with laxatives.

Presently, he doesn’t keep up a regular social media appearance. Most of his interactions are isolated to VK, so I have no idea about it.

My thoughts

A lot of people know about Christian Weston Chandler’s life and how he is a “victim” of the trolling he received because he divulges lots of details and/or the trolling is very well-documented. Many people might have a one-sided view of him, that is, you hate him or you feel sorry for him, but there are some who have mixed feelings because of all the factors in his life that made him the way he is. CWC is different from Sasha in that even if you got both sides of the story for the former, you’d still hate him for a variety of reasons.

While there are not a lot of details on the internet (in English) about Sasha, I’d have to be one of the few people who actually feel somewhat sorry for him, after having learnt about what happened after his appearance on the show. Reality TV becomes the talk of the town and if Sasha or Minami-chan (from Japanese Kitchen Nightmares) are anything to go by, it’s that certain people, who the show seemingly fails because they don’t want to be helped themselves, are mocked quite frequently. These two have changed with time, so maybe people should be more forgiving when they see the “where are they now” stuff about them.

At the time when I made the Sasha parodies, I was under the impression that Elena was just a strict mother who was trying to get Sasha off the computer. However, some years and a lot of thinking later, I learnt that Elena was a shitty mother overall. In the end, while she got Oleksiy to eat his vegetables, she couldn’t get Sasha to control his time on the computer or respect his elders. I have mixed feelings for the older Sasha, though; there were photos and videos of him smoking, drinking and being a gopnik, but in other photos and videos, he seemed more mature.

I tried to understand Sasha’s situation as best as I could so I could make this post, but as I said, there are still things that are lost in translation and I might not understand him as well as I might think. I think the bottom line for us Westerners is, given that the meme is practically dead, that Elena was a shitty parent during the program and Sasha was bullied because of it and his actions, but he eventually became mature, even if he did have that gopnik phase. And I swear, sooner or later, I’ll have someone tell me, “Stop saying ‘gopnik��, it’s derogatory to us Slav’s!”

#crazy ukranian kid #sasha fokin

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zalrb · 4 years ago

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hi, zal! i hope you’re doing well! could you possibly do a post exploring comedic timing, showing what good comedic timing looks like and what bad comedic timing looks bad and just your general thoughts on it?

Oh this is interesting! It’s a little bit difficult to do in gifs, this is something you kind of have to hear and see since it’s all about the delivery.

When I thought of bad comedic timing, my mind automatically went to Nina in Fam. It doesn’t help that the writing for Fam was terrible and cliched but the show was uncomfortable to watch because Nina looked uncomfortable, her timing was stilted, she exaggerated her jokes, it didn’t look natural or feel natural.

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The thing about timing is that even if it’s the wittiest line in the world, when you say it, it shouldn’t sound like you’re being funny or trying to be funny, it should sound like you’re just saying something and it happens to be the wittiest thing in the world.

Veep, for instance, those insults are incredibly clever and no group of people talk that way consistently, no one can be that on all the time, every single minute of the day but you watch it and it’s so conversational

I couldn’t find anything that really captured what I meant so I chose Community, the timing I’m talking about happens at the end of both scenes, I think they’re hilarious lines within the context of the conversations being held but neither Yvette Nicole Brown (Shirley) or Donald Glover (Troy) try to milk it and they come at the exact right time in the conversations.

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In terms of riffing, it should be snappy. A good back and forth has a rhythm to it , there’s energy to it, it’s almost like a dance. I’ll use Bad Boys II as an example just because it’s funny in that there are three people in the scene, Marcus, Mike and Reggie --- and Reggie is the one Marcus and Mike are addressing but Marcus (Martin Lawrence) and Mike (Will Smith) are riffing off each other and even though Mike is putting on an act, in this scene Marcus is being the straight man to Mike’s wild card and the timing is excellent

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I’d already mentioned this scene in another post but Ed and Leighton, when given the opportunity to do banter did it quite well and with that kind of energy, there are certain lines that could’ve been clunky with people who didn’t have the right comedic timing but between them it works and it’s a nice little scene

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It’s funny, I looked up ‘funny Riverdale scenes’ to get examples of bad timing but everything that came up was ‘Riverdale’s bad writing’ ‘everyone in Riverdale being cringy for 3 minutes’ LMAO but an example of two people who try to have that banter and wit but it actually comes across as sibling whining because the comedic timing and the comedic chemistry is off would be Nina and Ian as Katherine and Damon, sure the contexts are different but they’re supposed to have that type of energy and Ian is supposed to be funny but it doesn’t work

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A way I kind of started putting my finger on timing was watching Everybody Loves Raymond bloopers actually, because with things like Friends bloopers, you know they forget their lines or someone (usually Matthew) will make a comically bad situation worse by just not being in character but with Everybody Loves Raymond, Ray and Brad Garrett will improvise jokes in a scripted scene, most of which can’t be used in the actual show, and it’s funny and it’s quick and the timing is precise and there are other moments where they have to keep coming up with lines in the moment over and over again because the cast breaks.

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siriusist · 5 years ago

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tagged by @anathenma WOO GIRL <3

rules: tag 10 followers you want to get to know better

name: Lauren

gender: Female

star sign: Virgo Sun || Leo Moon || Leo Ascendent, which basically means I have the usually quiet reserved personality of an analytical, organised virgo on the fact of things, am usually the goofy, chill friend amongst my friends, and don’t like to take anyone’s shit, but if I am disrespected, I’m a sensitive six foot flower and withdraw from the world until I can get over it. xD I don’t like conflict.

height: 183cm/6 feet

age: 27 (YIKES XD)

wallpaper on my phone: (I had to check XD) A calendar of May 2020 stylistically arranged around ribbons

house: Slytherin

ever crush on a teacher: Both my parents and my uncle are teachers and consequently I knew every teacher in my school as actual human people and not ‘crushes’ growing up. So no. XD

coolest halloween costume: I went as the Starbucks logo one year when I was eight, a gigantic Lady Luck die one year with a top hat covered in poker chips and cards. I had some good ones I made: I was creative as fuck when I was 9-11 especially, and I had to be, because I was already around 5′7 and people assumed I was just some weirdo dressing up to get candy (Hearing ‘AREN’T YOU A LITTLE OLD TO BE TRICK OR TREATING’ at eleven CRUSHED me XD)

Favorite 90s tv show:

Okay. So there’s one’s I watched actually as a child of the 90s, and ones that were just always ON in the 90s that I ended up watching. It’s debatable whether these are actually good NOW. XD

That being said, the background ones were Saved By the Bell (ZACH MORRIS IS TRAAAAassssh~~), Boy Meets World, Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond.

As a kid, I loved the Aladdin Animated Series, The Hercules Animated Series, CHIP AND DALE RESCUE RANGERS (Which didn’t really hold up sadly but still has the best theme song of all time, fight me), and Timon and Pumbaa.

One I rarely caught but really liked was All That, The Wonder Years, Sabrina the Teenage Witch- occasionally Fresh Prince.

Out of all of these, I still have a super fond spot for Saved By the Bell, especially with the ‘Zach Morris is Trash’ series on Youtube (Seriously, go watch it. It’s fucking hilarious and basically breaks down how much of a serial killer in the making Zach Morris is XD). The clothing is ridiculous and no one really dressed like that in the early 90s outside of commercials and TV (unfortunately). Maybe one shoddy item out of the bunch. Meanwhile Saved by the Bell is like LETS PUT IT ALL ON. XD It was terrible once they got to college, but it was stupid and fun and made me feel ‘cool’ watching it because I was like three and being like, “YEAH, IT’S BRIGHT AND THESE PEOPLE ARE COOL AND I CAN FOLLOW THE PLOT. I’M MATURE.” XD It’s literally still the only one of these I actively watch now in the form of Zach Morris is Trash, so I’ll go with it. xD

Last kiss: Never had a consensual kiss. Make of that what you will. xD

Have you ever been stood up: Nope.

Favourite pair of shoes:

I have terrible plantar fasciitis from sports, so I’m a shoe snob, and have to have properly fitting/constructed shoes. It depends on what I’m doing in them, really. I got a pair of trail running shoes for trail running during COVID, but they’re not the most aesthetically pleasing. I’d say the best mixture between comfort and style are either a good ol’pair of black ankle boots with a slight heel (so I can be 6′2 and intimidate people with my height muhahahaha), or more practically on a day to day basis, I have a pair of Reeboks that are 90s-styled with pastel pink and blue triangles on the side. They’re pretty dope. xD

have you ever been to vegas: No, but my parents have. Basically, they said you tire of shopping after two days, and then you’re just stuck inside hotels and shopping malls there. If you’re not a gambler, drinker, or have a ton of money to splash out on stage shows, I don’t think it’s particularly worth going.

favorite fruit: Mango or raspberry, but they’re super-expensive in the land of Maple Syrup so I usually don’t get them any other way other than frozen in smoothies.

Favourite book:

I could never choose a favourite book. It’s literally like choosing between children. It’s my microcosmic version of Sophie’s Choice. xD Tasteless joke aside, it’d honestly depend on the occasion. There’s a huge difference between entertainment reading, literary exploits, and educating yourself through books as a whole.

My ‘plane’ book (which I’m terrible at flying, so that was a joke), as in, an easy, fun, instantly rereadable read to read on the plane when I used to have super long fifteen hour flights to Australia, was always Mario Puzo’s ‘The Godfather,’ because I also had a huge crush on Michael Corleone.

But it’s also not the ‘best’ book and literally spends an inordinate and honestly disturbing amount of time on the fact that this poor woman in the story (which thankfully in the film, it gets cut down), but the bridesmaid Sonny Corleone has sex with, and how you see his wife indicating his ‘size’?

THAT’S LITERALLY AN ENTIRE SUBPLOT OF THIS BROAD’S STORY I SHIT YOU NOT BECAUSE NOTHING IS ‘BIG’ ENOUGH FOR HER AFTER HIM AND THEN YOU FIND OUT SHE HAS A MEDICAL CONDITION AND GOOD FOR HER SHE’S ABLE TO FIND LOVE AGAIN BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MARIO PUZO XD IT WAS A LOT OKAY.

(Footnote: I also suffered through his horrific sequels because I love Michael Corleone and will take him in any form he comes in, even horrifically written Sicilian backhill exploits that were never told to us in the original book and were clearly just written because Puzo needed another pay check but I digress.)

Horrific subplots aside, I really enjoy The Godfather for its sheer pulpiness. The book is essentially what Andrew Lloyd Weber is to musicals. xD (Yes, I come with musical theatre burns. Fight me.)

In terms of a piece of literature that I think is amazingly well done? Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, or Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.

Stupidest thing you ever done:

Um, maybe when I was at Cambridge I tried to dye my roots to match the rest of my ‘blonde’ hair at the time, and it turned out bright orange? And because it’s Cambridge, they had this super-strict attendance policy, so I was literally trying not to hyperventilate because it was running close to class (which was across campus) and I was trying to find some way to remedy my hair without it falling out/ someone asking about it. So, I grabbed a toque-cap-thing despite it being literally one of the hottest summer on record in the UK (It was like 35 degrees, it was MENTAL), and had to sprint to class all the way on the other side of campus from my college dodging dodgy tourist groups blocking the sidewalk while I went. Then when I sat down inside, I had to be weirdly rude and wear my hat inside the lecture hall even though the professor was looking at me (it was a specialised program in German Literature) like, “Are you going to take that shit off?” xD THEN I tried to dye it back to brown, and it literally looked like mud mixed with a runny egg had exploded on the top of my head; it was AWFUL. XD So FINALLY I did my research and found a salon, but by THAT point I had done 250 pounds worth of damage to my hair (WHICH IS LIKE 400 DOLLARS CANADIAN AT THE TIME), and I almost had a heart attack and thanked my lucky stars that I had money put away so I could give my parents the ‘parent price’ when they asked why they hadn’t seen me on FaceTime or Skype for like, three weeks, and I replaced my face with a photo of John Cleese from Fawlty Towers, which they tease me about to this day. xD

The other dumbest thing I ever said was when I was so desperate for friends in grade six when I moved to a new school (and because being American was ‘cool’ at the time, apparently), I told everyone I was a dual citizen because my mother LITERALLY GAVE BIRTH TO ME ON THE BORDER CROSSING WHAT. XD And bless this poor bespectacled girl named Mara (who was actually a little class friend of mine), who just said timidly in the back, “That’s not how citizenship works.” xD It basically came out of attempting to be cool and failing, but I’m still SO embarrassed about THAT one that I’d never admit it to ANYONE besides shouting it out into the Tumblr black hole. xD I’m still embarrassed to THIS DAY.

All time favorite shows:

I’ll go for the original run of The Twilight Zone, which has some schmaltzy episodes (I’m really not a fan of any of the episodes entirely dedicated to the Space Race or the weird cowboy fanaticism of the fifties/ sixties, or anything that’s overtly like “ALIENS DID IT SO THERE”), but I LOVE their psychological horror episodes or Dystopian episodes. It’s when Rod Serling’s writing and narrative voice is the strongest and most prophetic, and the twists are usually the best. Other shows have tries to imitate it, or reboot it, but I really think the original, due to Rod Serling’s unmatchable voice, in every sense of the word. There’s lists of some of the greatest episodes, but I remember LOVING the episode ‘A Stop at Willoughby.’ The twist literally made me clap my hands in horror and delight, it was amazing. xD

Other than that? Off the top of my head, Mad Men and Band of Brothers, even though I haven’t rewatched either in ages.

last movie you saw in theaters:

Oh God, before all THIS hit? Probably Rise of Skywalker. I get agoraphobic and itchy if a movie theatre is too busy, and we only have really pokey sort of ones nearby that you’re guaranteed to see someone you went to high school with (terrible), so now that I can properly drive I go out to the big redneck theatre out in the boonies. I miss living in Montreal though, because when you live in a big city like that downtown (and can actually afford to live there), you could see blockbuster movies at like ten in the morning. xD Which would be AMAZING because I’d go to see any of the early Avengers/Marvel movies when they opened, the day of opening, and it was literally me, one old man who fell asleep halfway through and sat near the back, and maybe an elderly couple on a morning date to the movies. xD I get really annoyed with obnoxious movie-goers, and I’m really picky about just being completely absorbed in the movie, so I tend not to go unless I’m guaranteed that space.

tagging: Anyone who wishes to tag me back so I can learn about them <3

#meme #well god this was embarrassing #still hope you found something of interest in there though xD #personal #I indented the longer answers so this was somewhat cohesive

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