#someone tell me im insane and delusional or whatever. please

[ender1821]

hey so. what if Gem calls Pearl a clingy/crazy ex. yknow. like Scott did

[polysucks]

🤢🌟🎁 Askbox Games 2024 🎁🌟🤢

Yeah, you know what time of year it is, folks.

Well, actually, the time of year has nothing to do with what I'm about to say, but just let me delusional for one fucking minute will ya?

I don't personally celebrate Christmas, so I get to sit at home while everyone around me does something horrible with their families! (Well, actually, this year, I am recovering from dental work, and getting more done come monday and genuinely going into debt over it lol. You can help me here if you give a shit. but that's beside the point.)

earlier today, I was feeling a little wistful about my deranged anons back in november when i rallied my bannermen and I missed how much you guys made me roll my eyes and require a walk outside to touch some grass. I missed that. I miss feeling that... well, I don't wanna call it disgust. Because I'm not disgusted. Im....disconented? This is a sport to me. and I was thinking. Why not make it a game?

My christmas wish is for all you asoiaf and related fandom degenerates to rally forth and fill my askbox with the very best of your worst.

🎄Got a weird crackship? send it.

🎄Want me to read a portion of your or someone else's really messed up lemon fic? Send it.

🎄Have something rotating in your brain that you're scared to tell your friends but you need to get it out? send it.

🎄scared you'll be burnt at the stake for telling anyone? send it.

🎄 just wanna make my head reel with a weird AU idea? Send it.

🎄think no one can rival your clinically insane brainrot documents on google docs? doubt. you haven't seen mine. Send it.

It does not have to be sexual in nature. It could just be weird. Not everything has to be sexy to weird me out. I can match your freak and then some, guaranteed or your money back.

I read hotd cunnilingus miscarriage fics for funsies. You seriously cannot hurt me. you cannot scare me. periodt. This is so fun to me.

heres the rules, though.

I am allowed to roast you. Keep this in mind, I will be live reacting. This is the point of the game. I don't kink shame, but I will let you know what my unfiltered opinion is. That being said, I am asking for this, so don't hold back. I am consenting. If my unfiltered live reaction might embarrass you, I suggest submitting via anon

No morality arguing. You will not see any arguments about morality from my end. I literally don't care. As long as no real life children, animals, humans, private property, healthcare ceos (for legal purposes) etc. are being harmed, I am satisfied. We don't do outright pedophilia here, though, and that's a hard line. If I think something is inherently damaging to anyone or anything when I see it in my inbox, it will be deleted, and there will be nothing said about it and we will move along. there is no canceling here. Be not afraid.

Every ask will be published publicly. You can follow along with the tag Poly regrets opening her askbox or Askbox games 2024. this means don't put anything in my box today you don't want published publicly for all to see.

No negativity, please. If you don't like smth, move on. If you don't like something, just keep scrolling. I will have the usual upsetters tagged with [CW Gore] [CW csa mention] exactly as they are typed and if there is something else I should be inherently tagging that is NSFL, tell me! but i mean it --don't like it, don't play.

Let's have fun. We're doing this for comedy first and foremost. If we happen to learn something about ourselves kombucha-lady style, then merry christmas or whatever the whites say. We're here to have a good time. We're here to laugh. I am not going to yuck your yum. I genuinely have no opinion about what you enjoy! I do, however, have opinions about you subjecting me to it. which is, again, the point of the game. We are all friends here. We are having fun :) I have no judgement.

The ultimate goal is to have fun, but what is a little fun if there isn't a competition?

I will be keeping a spreadsheet of the degeneracy. Screenshots will be taken. There are no official guidelines on how to win. It's purely based on my own opinions, and input from ya'll if you're watching. if you care. But here's what's happening:

Every anon will get a nickname assigned to them. Keep track of your nickname, you will need it to identify yourself-- that is, if you decide to be on anon. that is your prerogative if you want people to see ur url. the winner's url and socials will be kept private upon the event completion, unless the winner tells me otherwise. If you want to have your url shout out for winning a fandom degeneracy contest, then by all means.

There will be a Top 5 list. Whoever is #1 at the end of the event will win the prize. The leader board will be posted at the bottom of every ask that is answered and part of the event so that we can all keep track.

The ask that makes me react the most (whatever that reaction may be) will be added to the #1 slot. There will be near-misses that will fall somewhere between 5 and 2, and my reasoning for every rating of every ask will be posted at the bottom of every ask.

The prize will be a no-holds-barred free commission (subject to approval) but will essentially be free game. up to $150 value. My prices are fairly cheap so, this is pretty big. The commission doesn't even have to be asoiaf related. it could just be something u want from me.

The event will end 12:00am PST December 26th. Winners will be announced (via alias conceived during the games) and dmed immediately following.

If you have any clarifying questions about the event, drop them in the askbox. I will post those publicly as well, so everyone can see the answer.

Let the games commence.

you can also just send me things about asoiaf that u like or wanna share w people that's allowed too. ily

[clairosrealwife]

Look, you all are delusional lol. I can’t believe I’m actually even replying because it’s so insane to speculate about someone you don’t even know. Not sure if any of you ever played telephone as a friend but I feel like that’s what you’re doing and just grabbing at any little thing at this point.

I go to Iowa too and have a friend that is friends with some of the basketball team. Did Kate get around? Yes. I think that’s one thing we can agree on. That doesn’t automatically make her a cheater though. Sydney broke up with Kate. Kate was free to do whatever she wanted. As for the timelines, Claire and Kate were nothing back in May2023. That was harmless. Weird concept, I know, but two people can be friendly without it having further implications. Sydney coming back around only happened after she broke up with her new girl, and gave I f’ed up vibes so she was over trying. She also still has friends in IC. Nothing was exclusive with any of them at that point. They were all SINGLE when all of you assume there was “overlap”.

like i’ve said before, i’m not caught up in any way so im only really going off what you guys are telling me. i don’t think im saying anything out of the ordinary nor did i say kate was a cheater. to me all of this is just lesbian lore at its finest

i do have a lot of posts so i don’t expect everyone to be caught up but to reiterate, kate and sydney are in the past now so nothing that happened is super important now. yes you’re still allowed to discuss what you think happened but please do not take it so seriously where it starts being genuinely disturbing.

and on another note, kate and claire. we all have opinions on them like whether or not they’re gonna last or not but it really doesn’t hurt to be positive😭😭 i’ve also said before that from experience, outside opinions can be a big reason why many relationships don’t work out so again, let’s just take a step back and just watch it play out

[moonlightchn]

~WHOLESOME WEDNESDAY~

Not to be a soft motherfucker but I've been wanting to do this again for a week now so I guessed I would try my best to fit as many of my thoughts here as I can without being annoying or tumblr fucking up plz bear with me heh but we know none of those are actually possible anyway so THERES THAT also this is fucking long wow ANYWAY

WARNING WORD VOMIT sjsjsjsj I dont even know what i wrote I'm sorry but I'm tagging yall anyway

Some of you I speak to on a daily basis, yknow? Like,, as admin. And its fucking insane because like- I don't know but like isn't it insane? sjajsjsj How fast some people come to grow in your heart and get under your skin and become so important for you. I think it's crazy. That in four months or so I've made more friends in here that in my whole life and I've learned so much about life and myself and I've gotten marked and some of you imprinted on my mind and heart forever. And like HELL I wasn't here when most big dramas happened but I was here for two very big ones and like??? idk it feels like all of us have been through shared crises and somehow grown closer sjajskwjs idk I'm weird and im sensitive today and I just feel like wow what would I be doing without all of you right now? probably studying. or scrolling Twitter in which I never spoke to anyone. or watching Instagram stories and getting sad over how all my ex class partners are still in contact and hang out and keep strong relationships while I just sit here. like, I know we all say this place sucks and we hate it and its toxic and don't get me wrong of course some people is fucking shitty and they take a toll on a lot of others but that like... it also happens in real life yknow?? but like in real life how many people do you think would actually idk sit with you through a panic attack or stay up with you till 8am or wake up in the middle of the night or rave with you or hype you up or have meme wars or send you daily jokes or just randomly tell you how much you mean to them or make posts asking where you are when you disappear or been gone for too long or make people that doesnt know you send you birthday wishes? like I'm not saying it doesnt happen but isnt it wonderful that it happens HERE with US where maybe out of 10 people only 2 know each other in real life? Isnt it wonderful that we're from all around the world? that you half of the time dont realize someone isnt from English speaking places because they're too good or even when they're not that good no one judges you because this is such an inclusive and wonderful place for people of all races and colors and sexualities and nationalities and body types and hair colors?

idk I'm just RAMBLING but like I wanted to let everyone know that even if we dont speak, even if we NEVER spoke, even if we're only on each others tag lists, or even if I was and you took me off or I took you off or if you deleted or if you have 817383 bots and you speak to me in all of them or only one or whatever PLEASE just know that I love you so much and I appreciate you and you're awesome and if you made some mistakes know that you CAN fix them you CAN learn and be better you CAN grow.

I believe that everyone is capable of learning and changing and everyone deserves a second chance as long as they genuinely show the intention of changing and bettering themselves. I believe that we're capable of forgiving and maintaining healthy relationships without hard feelings. I believe we all have goodness. I believe we all are small universes and we have stars in our eyes and supernovas in our brains and a million things to discover and I believe its funnier to be together than alone and I'm rambling again but like idk just yesterday I was sending someone a message telling them how maybe I'm fucking delusional and naive because who the fuck goes out on their daily saying "be skeptical. dont trust too much. always pay attention" but then after two days of talking with someone they're fucking platonically whipped and would sell their soul as long as they can see those around them happy? trick question I know many of you do too which WORRIES ME PLZ DONT PUT YOUR HEARTS ON THE LINE SO EASILY I drifted I forgot what I was saying oh welp

Anyway for some of you i have so much to say I could write endless paragraphs about you about admins and characters and life and wow I do speak a lot to admins sometimes I speak more to admins as admin that the characters and for some others I can only say a few things or wish you to have a good day some of you I only ever spoke to your character or we talked too little or never at all wow I say that a lot but like one thing yall have in common is that I love you so much even if you don't know me or dont care alright I dont care if you don't care I LOVE YOU and you can FIGHT ME if you dont wanna accept it smh I just want you to know that this place so many of you have been feeling is crumbling down or hurting them or isnt the same anymore is MY safe place too is a place where I feel comfortable and secure and I know, well decide to believe, that you guys would never do willingly anything to hurt another and yknow sometimes I just sit in bed and look at my account and I'm like wow I suck I should delete but then I'm like I could never do that to you I really couldn't because I've been told so many times I'm peoples safe place too and I would never want to take that away from you yknow

I mean I'm not gonna say we shouldn't pay attention to the bad things that happen because this is somehow our home and it's on us to protect it but I think that we shouldnt focus so much on it. because theres still so many good things that we overlook when we think of the bad or when we let things get to us or when we decide to act out of impulse and not think through stuff yknow

ANYWAAY what I'm trying to say is that I love you all so so so so so much and this is my safe place because you're here for me when I need it and I would never give you guys up for anything and like i have so many people for whom i stay daily and try my best and I hope that someday when you need a reason i can be that for you too because I've said this in private but I want everyone to know that this is my corner too and I will always fight for it and protect it so like we can all fight for it together whenever things get rough or you can leave me alone and maybe I'm being super dramatic and putting a lot of weight on this but I started overthinking like halfway and in just tthink that I want to keep yall close to me and my heart forever ok so stay safe and healthy and happy yeah fight for your happiness fight for what you deserve fight for what you want and don't let anyone ANYONE EVER take away from you your joy and your spark and your will to be yourself ok bye

[xp-egg]

paranoia/mental illness/disturbing tw.. related to the post i made on my main blog

So im about to drive up to see my mama for hanukkah, alone as i do each yr. redacted THING happened a few summers ago but essentially bc of it she believes ppl from [Japanese automobile corporation] tried to m*rder her on the job nd now cant keep a job or a place to live so she lives w my baba . i havent talked to her in a year for reasons i will explain ...so we r texting abt my travel plan, cooking plan, talking for the first time all yr besides birthday wishes n stuff, shes talking normally, we say our goodbyes/cantwaittoseeyous. bht 12ish hours later she sends me, un-explained with no preface, a cryptic list of what i slowly figure out are license plate numbers out of nowhere n says ppl are trying to run her over n cackling (this is not new.. just i havent had to deal w it all year and i was hoping she could let it go for just a few days....), i ask if she has gotten to a safe place and ofc she says shit like 'well unfortunately natasha i will never be safe. they follow me at all moments and one day you will read abt ur mother having been killed, etc etc.' like omg i just cant talk to u. At all. Anymore. can i not have one day.. without this... please g*d... she cant be around ANYONE bc she thinks they are all working w [car company] conspiring to m*rder, slander, whatever her.. shes lost 12 jobs in the past 4 years. everytime we go out in public she screams at people for even glancing at her/smiling at her and claims they were [doing some weird threatening thing they certainly werent ? .. like sometimes ppl with certain names or wearing A CERTAIN COLOR is enough to be a SIGN and she loses it and starts telling them loudly to fuck off and stop looking at her.... my non-hallucinating brain as a witness] and im mildly concerned someone WILL kill her in retaliation for her being insane in their face.. (she had some guy start yelling back at her and she recorded it as 'proof'. He was clearly very annoyed at her saying terrible accusations at him when he was trying to mind his fucking business.....it was indescribably scary but like can i blame him? she was being highly inappropriate publically.. SHE was prob scaring HIM. she scares me lmao) like she has been so mild mannered and rational her whole life.. she has a degree in chemistry and a literal genius IQ. its like watching a loving animal slowly go violently rabid. It Sucks

last year she finally accused ME of also being paid off/threatened by [company] to conspire against her JUST bc i went to visit her older brothers family (my aunt n cousins who are the family members ive been closest to our whole lives aside from my mother nd baba) w my bf at the time bc i wanted him to meet my non-insane family members..... JUST FOR VISITING MY OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BC THEY ARE EXPECTING ME TO VISIT N THEY LOVE ME ? Like they love my mom too but multiple years of being accused of being bought off, or [company] threatening to m*rder my cousins (she always says the most brutal and disturbingly specific details too) if they didnt do whatever thing would intimidate my mom, [in this case purchasing the most affordable reliable new family car they could from [company] ..it WAS right after she told them about her initial event but likethey needed a new car and her claims are literally delusional. i rly dont want to disown my other family for that but its a hard decision.. terrible situation], but being accused to conspire to m*rder her gets tiring so they gave up a while ago. when she accused ME even tho i have been the literal last person to stand by her for the past 4.5 years.. i never made her feel like her claims were impossible even when literally everyone else did bc i figured she needed a buoy.. i said fuck it i can't talk to you anymore. i will start going insane too . we have all tried to comfortingly reason w her (well i didnt for a while, i just wholly accepted her story without trying to reason with her INSANE JUMPS IN CORRELATION.. fully bizarre and delusional.. bc i wanted to support her), i spent so much more money getting a less reliable car just to avoid buying from [company], supported her contacting the authorities (obviously they can't help bc she is making insane claims), make her feel as safe n protected.. did as much as we possibly could but like... theres a limit. this is year 4.5 of this, every day, every hour. EVERY year she says well the dirt on [company] will get out this year.. youll see.. ill be validated (essentially). she went to inpatient treatment and she said they accused her of having barbituates in her system when she arrived (what) nd the only diagnosis they gave her was 'rule out paranoid delusion' (bro come on... she thinks EVERYONE is trying to k*ll her.. help) so she wont get any more help. i want to at least try and save my baba bc she is old and puts up w this every single day. but on top of having my own problems, by saving my baba id be damning my mother, or myself. i never know what to do....

but well anyways i love driving hours into a fucking hornets nest each year. at least there are latkes ig

[ocular-intercourse]

ugh, family update

made a thread on twitter and thought i might as well post something here, cause it does help me get stuff out of my head and heart when i write it down like that

so remember how my family wanted to have a meet-up so we could all talk about me being trans or rather transitioning in the future, that was today

and i had talks about the topic with most of them before, my younger older brother being the most supportive and understanding, my oldest brother generally not caring what i do as long as i am happy, but doubting if i’m not just looking for attention, and my parents just being worried i could regret things (mind you they probably have more problems with it, but thats the one they voiced) the general consensus being that they want me to be happy and if that’s something i have to do, i should do it. so far so good, could be much worse. it’s just..

i mean.. it’s already being hinted at in the reaction of my parents and my older brother, that they wonder if i’m really trans, or if i really need to transition, or if i’m not just making myself believe that for whatever reason, their theories reaching from ‘out of spite’ to just ‘a crapshoot at trying to find happiness’

but the whole thing just unearthed how they, mostly my oldest brother, my mother and my sister, do not believe i’m actually autistic (you know, because they know better than professionals or myself) and if i fake that, or falsely believe in that, then the same applies to me being trans too i guess

and my reaction to someone saying they don’t believe in my diagnosis is generally ‘then you don’t know what autism even is’ and thats the whole point. my oldest brother even agreed to that, but somehow still is sure i’m not autistic?? how does that even work? i got mad at that, and my sisters reaction was ‘see, you’re mad, you can’t be autistic’ which is absolute definite proof that she never even bothered to learn what aspergers even is. and they must know that?? that they never informed themselves, but somehow they also magically know that i can’t be autistic?? and i just really don’t know how they justify that conclusion in their minds? what are they basing it on? cause it’s certainly not medical or scientific fact. for whatever reason they just don’t WANT me to be autistic, they prefer to believe that i’m either delusional, lying to myself or to them, or that i’m just faking to avoid doing certain things, and that i just have to get over it or try harder, and i just don’t know where the benefit is in believing that?? why are they trying so hard to deny me this diagnosis? really what is the point? that i might realize they are right and magically all my symptoms will disappear? they are just hellbend on denying me the help that i need, the sense of reassurence the diagnosis gives you, knowing that you are not broken, that there is a reason for all the things that are so hard for you, for the chance that what? that i just force myself and start torturing myself till i’m maybe finally suddenly healed and it turns out it was all just imaginary or had other sources?

there where all this fun little nuggets in that discussion, from my brother finding it weird that i’m so informed about autism (which is supposed to mean i informed myself and am now using that to fake it, i guess?) to my dad saying me finding out i was autistic was a relief to me but it obviously didn’t make me happy in the long run (??? so now i’m clearly looking for a new strategy, transitioning, in hopes that maybe it will stick this time - even though i am not even unhappy but they don’t get that either), to the general ‘oh i have problems with that too, that’s normal’ that is completely missing the point of any chronic condition, and my mother’s ‘but i’ve seen you positively or even confidently interact with other humans before’ that’s just an other version of her ‘but you bought jewellery last month so i thought you were over that whole trans thing’.

i don’t know what the whole point was, for my brother to make that connection, from the talk about being trans to him saying he didn’t believe in my autism diagnosis which started this whole discussion. but somewhere along the line he said that this topic - of them not taking me seriously - obviously made me mad, and that that could be my motivation to want to transition, to show them how much i really mean it, instead of actually wanting to, that i’m in danger of just wanting to prove a point and just not being aware of it. 

and i hate this so much, this idea that i’m just not aware of the “real truth”, that i have no control or awareness of what i am doing or experiencing, that i am deceiving myself, willingly or subconsciously. and surely such things might happen, that someone is not aware of their true motivations and regrets doing something when they ‘come to their senses’ or whatever. but at this point they are assuming that is the case with everything i do. they are completely denying that i have any competence or self-awareness, and im not exactly sure why. to me it just sounds like they think i’m weak and lazy, trying to find ways to avoid things, that i just want attention, or maybe that i’m just too dumb to make the right decisions, or i just think it’s cool to pick weird things to identify with. and the whole time, when i tell them they don’t take me or my experiences seriously, they deny that that is their intention. where is the self-reflection there? what else are you doing please tell me. even if you are doing this under the umbrella of ‘just worrying about me’, the message remains: you have no idea what you are doing, but we do, your experiences are wrong, and you choose to see them this way to cover up what the real problem is, and then to avoid dealing with it like a functional human would, cause that would be work. (as if i’m somehow currently not working on my problems) at this point they are just doubting my intellect and my character, and worst of all they think i’m either not aware or in control of my actions in any way.

i don’t know what makes me the most frustrated about this, i feel desperate and absolutely powerless, i just cannot make them understand or believe in me or my words. i hate that they just assume i’m a liar, to myself or them, and there is nothing i can do to change or proof anything, because in the end they would just not take my attempts at that serious, again. i just feel utterly inferior, not at all because i am autistic or trans or asexual, just entirely because my word is apparently worth nothing.

with the trans thing i know, at least, that it is a passing thing, they will see, sooner or later, that i meant it, that i won’t regret anything. the autism thing is a whole other topic. last week i searched for some research papers and articles to send to my parents so they maybe gain a better understanding of what aspergers is, and how it shows itself in women. maybe i will send the articles to my siblings too. if they don’t care enough to look for information themselves, maybe they would read those. my therapist has also offered in the past, that i could bring my family to a session, so we could talk this through and maybe they will believe her, even if they continue to ignore the other professionals that made the diagnosis. i’m just afraid they would just latch onto anything the therapist might say that could in any way be construed as evidence against the diagnosis as definite proof that it is not true, cause thats what they’ve been doing till now, looking at a thing that might not fit, and deciding that’s enough to form an opinion. i will see my therapist this week and will talk to her about it. i’m just emotionally exhausted by this whole topic, i keep trying to find ways to indefinitely explain things, it’s just.. my siblings are very accomplished people, my oldest brother especially, being a chief resident neurosurgeon and all, and if they have come to a conclusion with their rightful confidence in their intellect, i believe it’s going to be hard for little old apparently not-accountable me to prove to them they are wrong, especially if they just want to hold on to the thought of ‘nothing’ being wrong with me for whatever benefit it gives them. 

they have no idea the amount of guilt i feel, not functioning properly, noone would choose this as an ‘easy way out’, being lazy or defiant, if there is also a way to just not be like this indefinitely. they also don’t understand how much the diagnosis has helped with this feeling, and with finding a way to excist in society without literally driving myself insane.

[viralhottopics]

A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms

Although people who peaked in high school like to act poetic about how great the 2000s were, they werent actually any better than the present day. I mean, it was a time when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim outfits in public and nobody carted them off to an insane asylum.

But Im prepared to make a concession on two points: 1) At least we werent under the administration of a sentient slime mold wearing a bad wig. 2) The 2000s were a golden age for romantic comedies, mostly thanks to Judy Greers tireless efforts to play every heroines best friend. Plus, only like half the jokes were sexist, and there was about an 80% chance pre-pretentious Matthew McConaughey would show up.

Obviously, a betch has to be picky about her rom-comssome are shitty in a good way, but others are best avoided in case someone catches you watching them. To guide your Netflix viewings, here’s a totally objective list of 00s rom coms. If you disagree, which Im sure everyone will, please note that Im not actually forcing you to watch these movies; Im just saying that if you regularly watch any of the bottom five, you have terrible taste.

14.

is considered a modern classic by two groups of people. 1) men in their late 20s with a crush on Natalie Portman and a thriving quarter-life crisis and 2) 8th graders in 2004 under the assumption that any movie that features a Shins track in its soundtrack is automatically deep. To everyone else, its a film about self-absorbed white people whining about their lives until theyre magically fixed by the power of mixtapes. There are approximately a zillion issues with this film, beginning with Zach Braffs complete lack of expression and ending with the fact that you cant cure real depression by listening to The Shins, no matter how clearly superior the soundtrack is to anything else in this film. Worst of all, though, is the fact that Natalie Portman played a manic pixie dream girl so obnoxious I still dream about strangling her character sometimes. Padme deserves so much better.

13.

Im not saying romantic comedies have to make much sense, but s plot is mystifying. Matthew McConaugheys parents are tired of him living at home, so they call in a lady high class escort (Sarah Jessica Parker) whose job is literally seducing men into moving out of their parents basements and unceremoniously dumping them. Because that’s plausible, and not at all fucked up to force your son to fall in love with someone you’re paying. Ridiculous premise aside, you know a movie is terrible when famed nicegirl Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about it.

12. Monster-in-Law

In case you missed this one, and for your sake I hope you did, is about Jane Fonda inexplicably being terrible to Jennifer Lopez, who walks a lot of dogs and is engaged to Fondas son. That right there should tell you all you need to knowI cannot think of one movie that JLo was in that was anything above mild torture, and we’re supposed to root for her character why, exactly? If my son was engaged to a full-time dog walker you can best believe I’d do everything short of actual murder to put a stop to that bullshit.

11.

Im told some people love this movie, but Jesus fucking Christ, is it possible for the two main characters to be any more appalling? Here you have two assholes manipulating the shit out of each other and just generally acting psychotic, all to win a stupid bet with their friends. They really should call it “How To Act Like A Psychopath And Lose Your Dignity.”

10.

Not gonna lie, I fucking adored when I was an impressionable preteen. It had time travel! Mark Ruffalo! A makeover scene! Years later, the movie is still fun to watch, even if it is way too obsessed with the 80s, but the jokes are more cute than funny. Also, why would anyone allow their 13-year-old child to go to a sleepover hosted by a 30-year-old? That is … questionable to say the least. Not to mention Jennifer Garner’s character does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nicegirl and dumps her hot pro bf in favor of her formerly fat friend. Blah blah, true love, I don’t give a fuck. Tenth.

9.

is close to being wrapped in cutesy narration, but it’s far superior. For one thing, it reintroduced the world to Joseph Gordon-Levitts dimples. For another, it manages to be a fairly realistic depiction of a shitty millennial relationship without being super fucking depressing. But thats also kind of the problemrom coms arent supposed to be realistic, theyre supposed to be clich and feel-good, and I don’t care what you say, Summer is a thot. I have literally stayed up at night mapping how she could have possibly met someone worthy of engagement a mere 118 days after she broke up with Tom, and only six days after attending a wedding as his guest (yes I did the mathI told you; this movie keeps me up at night). No matter how you slice it, she had to have cheated on somebody.

8.

Full disclosure: As a Southern betch, Im stoked that takes place right next door. (Dear Hollywood: An entire country exists between New York and LA.) But even though it features Patrick Dempsey as the other man, Josh Lucas with a dreamy Southern accent, and Reese Witherspoon, there are still some issues. Mainly, WTF WERE YOU THINKING, MELANIE? Did you really dump your future president fianc for your secret redneck husband just so “the first boy you kissed could also be your last”? I’ve heard of trying to keep your number down, but damn if this isn’t some delusional shit.

7.

Everyone on planet Earth can relate to having a batshit crazy family, and thats exactly what makes appealing. The two leads are fine, considering they’re not Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey, but the extended family is everyones favorite part of the movie. Honestly the most memorable moment to come out of this movie is the “put some Windex on it”pretty good deal for Windex, not so much for the people who actually starred in the movie. However, it does get points for the memorable line: “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she pleases.”

6.

The plot is pretty flimsy (a Canadian businesswoman has to marry her assistant to avoid deportation) but everyone loves a story where the couple starts out hating each other and eventually falls in love. The cast is what makes this movie pure rom com gold: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty fucking White, who gifted us with the infamous Native American dance scene. Basically, it’s predictable but ridiculous, making it better than some of the other garbage movies on this list.

5.

Admittedly, is probably to blame for some of the chubby man-child/beautiful, svelte woman couplings we see in the media that give men unrealistic beauty expectations (of the types of women they can expect to date), otherwise known as The Beyonc/Jay Z Phenomenon. But whatevs. Its a good movie. Seth Rogen has that whole dad bod thing going onapparently a thing some people are intoand Katherine Heigl was at the top of her rom com game before she pissed off the entire cast of .is actually hilarious, which is enough to make up for the fact that Katherine Heigl appears in it.

4.

Even aside from my undeniable crush on youthful Sandra Bullock, is a quintessential early-2000s romantic comedy. Allow me to explain. 1) It stars an ambitious career woman who dont need no man. 2) But she kind of wants one anyway, and everyone realizes what a catch she is when she puts on lipstick and a dress. 3) Did I mention its plot is literally an extended makeover scene as Bullock goes from bad ass FBI agent to bad ass beauty pageant contestant? I rest my case. Add in some cute female friendships and a scene in which Bullock teaches us how to fend off an attacker, and its basically required viewing every year.

3.

You had to know was going to make the list despite this amazing take-down article of why it’s actually terrible. With approximately a bajillion storylines going on, its hard not to find one you like and get invested, and it doesnt hurt that the film features every well-known British actor under the sun. Im not sure how the movie manages to juggle all the different plots without being confusing and/or boring, but Im not gonna question it. However, this shit is TOO FUCKING LONG. If I have to pop an Adderall just to make it through a damn movie (which I do), you need to send your editors back to the drawing board.

2.

is the perfect example of a rom com thats super clich in theory, but in practice, its so fucking heartwarming it doesnt even matter (ugh). Katherine Heigl plays ultimate nicegirl Jane (in case the fact that her name is “Jane” wasn’t enough of a clue), whos been part of 27 weddings and miraculously hasnt gone broke from buying all the bridesmaid dresses. The dudes are pretty forgettable, but Janes psychotic sister and slutty best friend totally steal the spotlight, elevating the film to truly betchy heights.

P.S. For once, James Marsden plays the leading man, so his preternaturally perfect face gets more screen time, #bless.

1.

Bridget Joness Diary is the ultimate feel-good movie, as in its literally impossible to watch it without feeling your icy soul thaw ever so slightly at the end. The titular character starts out fat, single, and past the age of 30, so basically our worst nightmare. By the end, though, she manages to bang Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, land a better job, and become a self-described wanton sex goddess. If those arent your life goals, you clearly need to start your own self-help journey.

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from A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms