#now that it’s even more evident that this arc is heading into actual breakup vibes territory

[ender1821]

hey so. what if Gem calls Pearl a clingy/crazy ex. yknow. like Scott did

[lesbianrobin]

hello em i have a request. can u please rate mr harrington's looks/outfits i just feel like u have the best takes and i'd LOVE to know how you'd rank his choices 👀

this is the single greatest ask i’ve ever received. i will be ranking the outfits, not steve’s moral alignment or actions in each scene. in order of appearance:

The Introduction

4/10

hair is tragic

steve copied this entire fit from a mannequin in the ralph lauren polo outlet store

would honestly be a 0/10 except for the obvious valiant effort being put forth by his lower half to resist the sexless curse of khaki pants. the devil (st costuming department) works hard but by god steve harrington (joe keery’s body) works harder

nice brown watch that certainly came from a department store

also gains points for being next to nancy’s anemic librarian fit, thus looking better by comparison

The Rich Bitch

8/10

thank god he ditched the khakis

hair looks much less demonic

it’s a simple look but the sweatshirt rides up when he shotguns the beer

he also gets wet

solid 8 for sluttiness alone

The Whore

10/10

wet

please note that his chest is waxed. keep this in mind.

The Heterosexual

2/10

hair looks like he dipped his head in glue

bold choice with the grey pants. unfortunately that choice was wrong

matching outfits with your comphet girlfriend isn’t as cute as you think it is stevie

you only get points because despite that ungodly pastel stripe pattern the polo’s decently fitted and makes your arm look kinda nice

The Dickhead

3/10

glue head pt. 2

at least the stripes aren’t pastel this time

The Cuck

6/10

hair slightly less glue-y

yet another striped polo is peeking out unfortunately

but! it’s green and green looks good on him

finally wearing jeans like a normal fucking human instead of weird slacks

pivotal moment in steve’s fashion evolution from preppy male model to sexy morally upright king

his morals are stored in the denim

The Final Girl

9/10

an outfit with a character arc to rival steve’s own

pretty fucking good hair if i do say so myself!!

it’s fluffy!

that shit looks like if you touched it it’d be soft... no glue here!

finally not copying from the goddamn l.l. bean catalog

iconic green slut sweatshirt? check! jacket and nikes? check! fucked-up gorgeous face and baseball bat full of rusty nails? check, baby!

looks good on its own OR with some blood on top

overall a very solid look

The Darling Little Drummer Boy

7/10

babe no... please don’t go back to the khakis... they won’t treat you like jeans do...

not quite glue head but not his best

apparently steve owns a single green sweatshirt, a thousand striped polos, and one very precious christmas sweater

almost makes up for prep-related khaki crimes by being really fucking cute

The Simp

8/10

glue head is DEAD

further evidence that steve harrington’s entire closet is just striped polos

this is his fifth unique striped polo

most of these points are for the sunglasses and the hair

actually all of these points are for the sunglasses and the hair

he’s finally let go of the fucking pastels thank jesus

and you can’t see it but he did wear jeans with this fit i just forgot to make sure they were pictured and it’s 4:15 am so i don’t feel like going back to remake this collage

cannot tell if this is a lighter blue version of the jacket he wore three times in s1 or if it IS the jacket he wore three times in s1 and the color grading is just that different

either way he loves jackets and i think that’s very sexy of him

The Intellectual

9/10

i’ve been waiting for this one... turn it up!

literally invented vests

excellent hair

loses a point for unfortunately introducing steve’s SIXTH unique striped fucking polo

i can’t see the collar but i know it’s there i know you’re wearing another fucking polo steve you can’t hide from me

can’t decide if he looks gay or just really preppy but either way he’s got some repression going on

still a very solid look

The Oh No Oh God It Hurts I’m Looking Away I Can’t Watch This

10/10

yes that middle picture is absolutely to show off the texture of his blazer and not at all me making sure that if i have to see his heartbroken little face then you all do too

anyways i Know that blazer cost at least $100 like i Know that shit’s expensive

excellent gorgeous soft-looking hair that someone ought to run their hands through but only people who haven’t dated him for a year while pining after someone else

emotional devastation... but make it unbelievably fucking sexy

stevie baby i know you’re a colorful guy but please wear more black

The Meathead Jock

9/10

aw christ whatever happened to standards?

introduction of the blue nikes <3

god his hair looked fucking good here

could have gained that final point by using tube socks with blue and GREEN stripes to tie together the shoes and the gym uniform :/

shorts could be shorter but are an altogether appropriate and enjoyable length

fun sweatstain to customize the look <3

The (is there a word for victim of bullying?) Serious Athlete

8/10

the yellow stripe was more fun

still cute though

The Sudsy Boy

11/10

wet

suds indicate that he’s washing his hair, presumably with faberge organics. is this why he’s being bullied?

steve brings his faberge organics shampoo and conditioner and his farrah fawcett spray to school with him whenever he has basketball practice

steve either has shampoo, conditioner, and hairspray in his backpack at all times, or he has a separate gym bag that’s mostly haircare products

just need to make sure we all know that

excellent freckle showcase

his chest is still waxed. please, i beg, keep this in mind

one of his strongest looks

The Babysitter

10/10

his most versatile look to date

a different jacket than the one(s) he’s worn before but it still has the same kind of collar. steve found a jacket he liked and bought it in at least three colors

the whole thing fits So fucking nicely! shirt, jacket, jeans... baby boy is TAILORED

return of the white nikes with the red check indicate that they are his fashion nikes, while the blue nikes with the white check are his sport nikes. interesting.

this fit lasts like 48 hours and steve simply looks sexier as time goes on which is a testament to its quality as well as his inherent power

every new accessory elevates his appearance. roses, nail bat, rubber gloves, blood, sweat, band-aids, bandana, goggles... each element complements the look in its own way!

an overall win

The Chauffeur

8/10

we can’t really see the whole fit but he’s not wearing a striped polo so i’m calling it a win regardless of what’s on his bottom half

cannot give him a 10/10 though because he might be wearing khakis

red is such a nice color on him when it’s not just from his blood

i lied when i said he should wear more black he should wear more colors

that plain sweater absolutely cost $85 or more

hair looks very nice and soft

excellent look!

The Sailor Man

9/10

very precious

absolutely the best hair i’ve ever seen

baby boy got highlights for his hot girl summer!

bright colors make his very red lips pop

shorts could be shorter

love the little accents! especially the white pockets and belt

excellent color coordination on steve’s part with the blue sneakers (notably different than his s2 blue basketball nikes) and the red bruising/blood

i hope you remembered that steve’s chest was waxed. as you can see his chest is now unwaxed. some change between s2 and s3 drove this decision, presumably either his breakup with nancy or the fact that he no longer showers in front of other guys at school. up to your interpretation

shock blanket at the very end is a nice touch so we don’t forget he’s traumatized

The Drowned Rat/The Man Overboard

10/10

wet

shorts could be shorter

the decision to purchase and wear a hoodless raincoat is absolutely ridiculous and stupid

however it is also very steve harrington and i value self-expression

The Chick Magnet/The Flaming Homosexual

100/10

what can i even say about this fit?

the absolute best pants he’s worn thus far. amazing fit, excellent classic wash. i say this as a former american eagle outfitters associate and the winner of my freshman year dorm’s “best at folding jeans” award

manages to make blue jeans with a half-blue denim vest work effortlessly

bold primary colors make him stand out without being too gaudy

excellent pairing of t-shirt with simple stripes and vest with simple color blocking to create a complex yet cohesive and flattering look

simple brown belt gives the look a put-together yet down-to-earth vibe

hair has only gotten better

still wearing that same brown watch that he’s had since the introduction

this man looks like he waxes his chest

this is steve in his final form

thank you for your time

[lovedinapastlife]

Riverdale Reaction 3x15 - “American Dreams”

Riverdale: Where dreams go to get punched in the face. But there’s also cake. And Bughead. So...it’s not all bad.

I want to hug this boy. FP and Jug havin’ a bondin’ moment. MY HEART! Cue me dramatically head-banging to “Your Love is Just a Lie” thanks to Gladys and JB Jones, amazing actresses in their own right.

“This house is my past, and I just want to be done with it.” Oof, FP is part of Alice’s past. BURN. Also, sappy me loves how concerned Jughead is for Betty’s feelings and the soft way he looks at her all the time.

I think some of their conversation on the stairs was cut, but it would be awkward for Betty to just…stay in her room with the mom-in-law she’s barely met. I hope Jug takes it and keeps it as a Betty shrine and talks to Archie through the window on those string-cup phones XD

No food in the Pop’s scene? I’m aghast.

Okay why are Toni’s boobs in my face? Is this a metaphor? And the trip conflict seems like poor planning on everyone’s part. I thought Cheryl was part of the Pretty Poisons but Toni’s talking about them like she’s not? Mehhhh?

Is Reggie just a doorman now?

Wow. The Pretty Poisons are possibly the worst security team. Karoake-ing instead of standing guard? Also, I’m creeped out by the Lodge/Topaz angle.

Did they cut a storyline from Falice this season, because I don’t remember them doing much more than the occasional hookup and vaguely wondering if their children had been murdered. At least FP acknowledges he probs wasn’t the greatest partner and feels like he owes it to his family to try with Gladys.

“You have been nothing…” VERONICA LODGE. You treat that boy with his due respect! Is her dream to literally run an empire by herself now?

“I know what I’m worth. You should know it too.” Yes, Reggie! YAS!

“No one walks on water in my place, except me” — did that make sense to someone? Or is it meant to paint Veronica as super self-centered right now? Because when Veggie started, it seemed like she understood he was a good influence and lackey and was receptive to that. Like, he’d boost her up. Not siphon stuff out. Even if she’s going out with him to essentially use him, Hermione would’ve approved, and since that seems to be the ridiculous story arc they’re going with, let Veggie be healthy! Damn!

Aw baby Jug worried about his mom’s motivations. Not a single conversation since she’s been back? Also Jug’s face during, “Sounds nice. Is it true?” melts my heart. I mean, did he expect her to come clean? I dunno. She’s good, though, as a charming villain. Pretending she wants the fam together again.

OH MY GOD. “The best damn Sheriff Riverdale’s ever had.” My face was prety much Jughead’s. KELLER IS THE MAN who has lost evidence, purposely ignored investigating because he “might” know the murderer, wrongfully imprisons/takes in people, and repeatedly lost people in holding cells to murder/suicides. But yeah. Best Sheriff. Compared to Minetta? Why not?

Are there enough living officers to even be paired with Serpents? I was under the impression they tend to fall asleep and be terrible or dead XD The FP and Jug police car scene was nice, actually. Character! Yes! More of this!

Reggie…”I put on suspenders! I wear a nice shirt! Why didn’t I get the girl like Jughead did?!” I don’t have an answer for you, buddy. That doesn’t do it for your girl/s, I guess. Looks nice to me though ^-^

Thank goodness for Betty, making sure Archie isn’t impaled by a bunch of guys in costumes. I’m not surprised she doesn’t care/remember about King of the Mountain or whatever but this memory suppression/loss thing is just another thing to toss onto the toppling pile of “things I worry about for B. Cooper.”

Girls having sleepovers, drinking hot chocolate and talking about life is where it’s AT. Also I love the contrast of Betty’s cotton PJ’s and Veronica’s silk.

Hrmrmrmr okay. I love the drip noise in the bg of the “source” scene. THEY READ EACH OTHER SO WELL! I wish the show allowed them more small moments like the tilts of their chins and deep longing looks like this. I love Betty for protecting Veronica’s safety without compromising the seriousness of her situation, and that Jughead reluctantly but definitely believes her.

I did not like the way he shut her out of it to confirm his mom’s shadiness on his own. Not letting her help in season 2 did not end up in a good place. Hrmph. Don’t like it. *folds arms* Don’t like that at all. (and yes, I know they’re still trusting and in a good place but this is a REACTION piece so ya know)

I love Hiram’s little “Oh, Archie? You need shady hideouts to deal with the assassins I sent? I’ve got plenty!”

Haha they are so dramatic making Paladin death match invites with a typewriter and scroll. Like, what?! Oof Jughead’s so sad his mom is probably doing something

“Keep your arm candy off my damn property.” *pat pat* Wow. I thought Veronica was super far away from paying Gladys and Hiram off? Like a kajillion dollars off? Reggie deserves his car but I’m glad Gladys didn’t do to him whatever she did to Penny.

“Only to win, of course” Cheryl looks fierce in her ridiculous red dress and spider brooch. Now that Toni’s got a steady paycheck she’s not so keen on stealing for no reason, eh?

Jughead is a giant fabulous nerd and I enjoy his monologues. I also love the wacky wrestling vibe I’m getting. OH! FISTS ONLY, BITING JERKFACE. Disqualified!

Cheryl is such a bitch. I can’t. Veronica is supposedly her friend, right? One of the people who showed her sympathy during her lowest point? But this is the second time she’s robbed the Lodges. And why? Because she gave Toni (and by extension, CHERYL and the Poisons) the opportunity to make some $?

I tried to fast forward through the Choni sex scene and ending up having to watch the whole thing anyway because I had no idea what was happening in the Archie fighting scene XD Did they just bring a blindfold IN CASE? and the music was fun but the intercut with violence was typical Riverdale awkward. At least we could actually see them? RIverdale sex scenes are usually so dark!

“ENTER THE KRAKKEN!” Omg only this show. Precious beans celebrating Archie winning were precious.

This Choni breakup is weird. Kinda a bizarre non-conversation about priorities.

Haha Hiram is so proud of his quest abilities. I’m surprised he didn’t go to cheer for blood. Is this “businesses run by teens” season in Riverdale? I was happy with the Blue and Gold, but hey--have them run gangs, law enforcement, speakeasies, and gyms too. Why the hell not?

“I wanna matter…” REGGIE! Oh, honey. At least she got him his car back. Oof. I feel bruised on his behalf.

There’s a lot more stuff on the fridge! You know of my obsession! A poodle? Why? Why is a Pop’s postcard on there with a picture of the lemon? XD Oh man Gladys hitting low with “I did it for your dad and if you tell, it’ll break him.” Honestly, it’s a little hard to tell what’s the truth and what’s a spin with her about their past. Either way, they’ve created a great tension.

Haha ok there is a solo cup booze fountain at this party and I think they made it yellow-gold as if that makes it classy? It’s hilarious.

FP you big nerd why would you bring up the infamous birthday party? I think he remembers it as a cute gesture, which is hilarious. Bughead match in their cute soft sweaters! I love this look.

Oh man I cried when Fred gave him a hug and talked about everyone has their own path. This shooow. That maaaan <3 Even FP’s moments of not feeling like he deserves this or “something’s not right” were great, like spinning the star with his name written on it (Betty’s handiwork? or one of V’s underlings?)

JUGGIE’S SPEECH! BRAVO! The extra-long hug with FP and glare at Gladys was oddly satisfying, and the “Wanna help?” Delicious. SIGN ME UP FOR HEATHERS. I LOVE IT!