#someone tell me if this is secretly not autism but instead something else

[bedpissercastiel]

being an adult is fun because i can just. not eat the broken food and it's fine and my day isnt ruined by having to eat it or someone getting upset with me for not eating it

[jasmine-the-fox]

Autism can’t be treated!!!

OK so... When I was 11 there was an attempt to diagnose me with autism... It failed and we left it be until at the age of 18 and in high school, someone believed I had autism so I got tested and was confirmed at the age of 19 with autism spectrum... I looked online and there are no diets, no exercise routine, no food restriction plan and no medication that can cure it... Adding the fact that some parents think there so smart by self-diagnosing there kids with autism... So here another salt fic starring me!!

Jasmine never thought anything strange would happen until the second week after she told the class about her autism, it all started on a Friday when Alya came up to her about the pool party they were having on Saturday, Jas not liking last minute plans of any kind said she wasn’t going... Causing the class to get mad at her and demand answers... So she gave them an answer.

“I’m sorry but your telling me this at the last possible minute, I didn’t know about your pool party until now and I already had plans for tomorrow, plus changing my plans all of a sudden causes me stress because I have autism... If you had asked me weeks ago I would have said yes” she explained as the bell then rang to end the day so everyone could head home for the weekend, Alya was pissed at Jasmine’s explanation and wondered if it had something to do with the three bullies of there class (Chloe, Sabrina and Marinette)

So while Jasmine was with her friends, Chloe, Sabrina, Marinette, Luka, Kagami, Marc, Aurore, Mireille and Felix... The class was at the pool furious at Jas from what Lila says “I used to have autism myself, but for a year and a half I took this medication and was cured of it, to think she would still blame everything on her autism when she could have gotten it treated is horrible!” Alya asked her if she had the medicine but Lila claimed she got them for each month.

So they formed a plan, for now Lila couldn’t get the “medicine” until the week after, but when she does they planned to everyday leave her one with a note making her take it, then at the start and end of each month they will talk to her at the last minute about plans and see if she starts to get better “It’s the best way to get her started when it works, once she agrees to come and is fine we can start going further” Lila claimed making them agree to the plan as they tried to work on who would leave the note and “medicine” on Jasmine’s desk.

Jas didn’t understand on Monday why the class acted so strange all of a sudden, the fact they spoke about her in whispers made her nervous and she wasn’t excited to know what they were planning, even so she focused on her own thing and got to studying and meeting with her friends to talk about what they wanted to do next, she was excited and couldn’t wait to have fun with them once again heck Chloe had planned for the roof of the hotel to be reserved for them to have fun and she couldn’t wait to relax on the roof and in the pool with them.

And then it started.

The next Monday, she got to school and found a note with what looked to be a candy shaped like a pill on her desk, the note was from Rose saying how she hoped this note helped make her day and Jas was so confused that while she did eat the candy she threw the note away, it didn’t make sense to her at all... But she got this everyday, everyday she would go to her seat and someone she wasn’t friends with would leave her a note with a candy of some kind and they would act like when she ate it that it was the best things ever, still she left it all be and focused on her own thing.

Then a couple of weeks later Alya came over again, she talked about this new horror movie that came out and she couldn’t wait for her to join... Once again she refused, claimed it was last minute, she would be stressed, she has an autism and she hates horror movies, class ended and she walked out of class getting ready to head home, Alya was pissed that the “medicine” wasn’t working but Lila explained “The pills take time Alya, remember? It took me a year and a half before I was cured of my autism... Who knows? Maybe it will take less time for Jasmine... Or longer” she explained as they all headed home.

After that the class decided to talk to Jas at the last minute about plans for the weekend twice a month, once at the start and once at the end of the month to see how she was doing... But there were no changes at all, the class still listened to Lila about how the medicine takes time to work and claimed they should start small, but Alya ignored her words and told the class to keep inviting her at the last minute to things and see how it goes in the end, with time Jasmine began to not understand the pills and decided to secretly pocket one to get answers “I brought this back with me” she said while showing the candy in her hand “It’s always there with a note from someone in the class and I don’t know why and what it is” she explained as Felix took it with the promise of getting answers.

A few days later he had the answer “It’s a candy from Italy, I presume Lila must have had them shipped to her and more then likely made the class believe it was something else” he explained as Chloe then took an extra Jas brought to try like the others before spitting it in the trash “It’s not even that good... Why give these to you?” she asked as they all did the same “I don’t know, I also don’t like them but I eat them to be nice, the only thing I know is that they look like medicine” she said making Sabrina wonder if they had some kind of plan connected to these little candies.

Still the candies kept on coming, and since Jas now knew what they were she decided to secretly collected them just in case while Felix order some candies just in case, slowly a year had gone by and she still got these candies and instead Jasmine began to take pictures in secret while editing the picture to say the day the picture was taken just in case before getting rid of everything... The class still spoke to her about last minute things she was invited to and she still refused and repeated the same thing, stress and autism... She was certain Alya and the class were getting pissed at her... But mostly Alya.

Slowly another year was close to it’s end... Alya was her limit as Jas wasn’t getting any better and she was done since Jasmine once again gave the same excuse for the before summer dance “Were making her go! Adrien will pick me and Nino up and then will stop by Jasmine’s place and i’ll grab her! We just need to keep her there” she claimed and everyone agreed and for the first time ever... Lila was scared of being found out for her lies.

She was certain that Alya’s plan would be her downfall.

Jasmine was so excited, today she was dressed to head on a triple date (her with Luka, Mari with Felix and Chloe with Kagami) she was wearing a nice outfit Chloe got her and she was so excited to show off, she had just gotten outside to wait for Mari to join her when a limo stopped right before her and Alya jumped out and grabbed her to get into the limo that then drove, she tried to make her let her go but Nino and Adrien moved to help her, she was shocked in what they were doing as took her to the school gym for the before summer dance, once in Kim and Ivan blocked the doors as the girls rushed over to her with Alya beside her talking about her happy they were she was here.

She tried to get out, but every possible exit were blocked, she could feel a panic attack coming as she quickly went into the bathroom to message her friends on the situation and begging for help because of what the class was doing to her right now, once done Alya came in with a smile “Come on Jas! Dancing will be amazing and Adrien will be happy to finally get to be with you!” she claimed with a smile as Lila looked panicked at what Alya was planning.

Once on the dancefloor, Jasmine was moved around until she got dizzy and just felt like she would faint, then Adrien grabbed her... She really wanted to leave and was trying to find an exit, she could hear the class getting upset with her for not trying, Alya yelling at her to focus on Adrien, her phone filming them, Lila yelling at them to leave her alone and Adrien trying to get her attention... She was at her limit, she couldn’t take much more of this at all, she then her the door slam open.

And then nothing but silence and darkness.

By the time she came to, she was in a hospital, her throat was very dry and she saw her friends in the room, the first thing she did was ask for water, then she asked for the doctor to ask what was her condition... Simple enough she was over stressed and lacking water so she needed to hydrate herself some more before being allowed to leave, once gone she asked her friends what happened after she collapsed.

After she had messaged them, Sabrina called her dad about everything, Chloe told her father, Felix, Kagami and Luka told there mother’s while Marinette called Nadja about needing to leave Manon alone with her parents for a bit, when the gang got there, Luka and Felix worked together to get in, by the time Luka got to her, Jas was on the floor, puke was by her with Adrien and Alya covered a bit in it, Felix moved to check on her and began to quickly yell for an ambulance because Jas was breathing weakly.

Officer Roger demanded answers on who’s idea it was to force an autistic person to be so overly stressed to have a panic attack, once no one answered and the gang got Jasmine out, the mayor asked again “It was Alya’s idea!” everyone turned to Lila “Alya planned this! She said she with Nino and Adrien would grab Jasmine from her home and force here, all exits needed to be blocked so she couldn’t leave was also her idea!” she admitted and with that Alya was cuffed with Nino and Adrien being done the same for they helped her.

The class was all at the police station being questioned after there parents arrive, from what Sabrina found out, the class was blaming Lila for everything while Lila claimed Alya caused Jasmine’s panic attack, three days later, Jasmine was in front of Lila’s building complex, she had to find out why she would make her have Italian candies and what she did “Hello, are you looking for someone?” she turned to find a woman who looked like Lila to her surprise “I’m just here to ask questions to Lila Rossi” she replied making the woman blink and have her follow her inside “I’m her mother actually, I presume it’s about the before summer dance incident?” she asked and Jasmine nodded.

Once inside, Lila comes out of her room to find Jasmine “I’m guessing you want answers” she said making Jasmine nod as the three sit down at a table, Jas pulls out the little bag of candies she collected “What did you make the class think these were?” she first asked making Lila look down while her mother looked at them “I lied about having autism, claimed these candies were pills I took for a year and a half to be cured” she explained as her mother dropped the bag on the floor.

“They had me get one everyday hopping to “fix” me... But it was a lie and because of you I had kidnapped to go to the before summer dance, had a severe panic attack and puked” Jas hissed as Lila’s mother looked to be shaking with anger as Lila nodded, Jasmine demanded that Lila admits everything and her mother agreed so Lila did as told, she went to the school and admitted everything was a lie, then she went to the police station and told them it was her fault that Jasmine had a panic attack.

As a result, the mayor didn’t think Paris was safe so he had her deported back to Italy, after that he had the class be punished for what they caused Jas, of course Alya and Adrien tried to force her to pay for there clothes but Chloe told them how it was there own fault they pushed Jas to have a panic attack in the first place, after that the class got sued for everything they did to Jas and Mari after Lila lied about them... There parents were having them pay back for anything they destroyed, some were forced to work and were punished for there actions while Jas and Mari ended up happy.

When school started again, Adrien tried to get Jas to date him... Only to see her with Luka all happy as they headed to class, when he turned to Mari he saw her with Felix so he turned to get answers from Chloe or Kagami only for them to ignore him and leave him there... He was so pissed about that, but with time students heard about what Caline’s class did to Jas during the before summer dance and they all protected her and her friends and kept the class away from them... Then five years later, Caline’s class either worked in a way there dream job (well not there dream job but something connected to what they love) or they worked something they never wanted to do.

Meanwhile, Jas and her friends had massive success in life, each of them had amazing jobs and had the perfect life that Caline’s class envied.

Goes to show that they should have never thought Jasmine’s autism could be cured.

Do you guys see where I went with this fic? See, I was diagnosed 2 years ago when I was 19 of autism spectrum, I found out many things that I do or did were normal to people with autism... But when I explain this to others they say this “You can’t blame it on your autism” which the thing is... I wasn’t, all I did was explain to people that this is natural to those with autism like me, and here’s the thing everyone, if you self diagnosed your kid with autism... Your wrong and need to have them tested by a professional or it won’t end so well, also there is no diet or type of eating way that will help “weaken” your autism, only a medicine that between the age of 5 and 16 can be taken for a specific thing autistic people do or something therapists can have them do.

But that’s it! So don’t think there’s a vaccine being made or a medicine! Cause there isn’t! So listen to me when I say that your crazy to think that! Autism isn’t caused by a way of eating, a vitamin of any kind, an activity you do, a routine you have or being in the sun!!! It’s genetic!!! Simple as that! GENETIC! And if you think other wise then look it up on our good friend google!!!

[hargrove-mayfields]

Headcanons Part Two!!!

My last headcanon post was all about Billy and Steve, but they won’t be the only ones showing up in my stories, so here’s some hcs for a few of the most recurring characters!

Starting with Max!!

My preferred middle name for Max is Nicole, because Maxine Nicole sounds pretty, but can double as being intimidating if someone was yelling at her. Also, she’s named after her aunt Nicole just because I can see Susan being like that.

Most important thing to know about Max in my writing is that she is ALWAYS autistic. I might not specify depending on the content of the story, but she is never ever ever meant to be allistic. I imagine her as being on a moderate support needs level, meaning for those who don’t know the term that she has highs and lows! There’s days where she can pass as allsitic and days where she can’t, and she maybe doesn’t need a lot of assistance in everyday life, but she still needs lots of stimming and has meltdowns and stuff!

Related to this fact is that in the 80s, autism was not a very common diagnosis at all, and so I don’t think she’d really have a word for it other than like, that just being the way she is. Because no one will give her the official diagnosis, Neil thinks she’s faking, so she gets told to stop stimming, isn’t treated fairly during a meltdown, told to “act normal” etc, etc, and she needs a lot of therapy in the future for it.

Her favorite ways to stim are rocking on her heels, humming, listening to loud noises (like sirens/car engines/lawn mowers, NOT things like music/Susan doing the dishes, those do the opposite) and dancing!

Her least favorite sensory things are raindrops touching her skin, her hair brushing her shoulders or her face, overwhelming smells (cologne, candles, food on the stove) and furniture that’s too firm! (like a memory foam mattress or a leather couch)

The first time she feels truly seen in the way she is is when Fraggle Rock starts airing in ‘82. Susan tells her to watch it because she thinks Max is still a baby no matter how old she is, but the minute she lays eyes on Wembley Fraggle she knows he’s like her. He stims vocally and with his hands, his friends don’t understand him, he’s empathetic, bad at choosing, gullible, and in every way just so much like her! Her and Billy have an inside joke where, if she’s putting something off or can’t make a decision, he’ll tell her to stop her Wemblin’ and sometimes he calls her Wembles without thinking!

There isn’t a lot of personalized furniture in the Hargrove-Mayfield, so I think it’s safe to say that she doesn’t really have any comfort items lying around. No favorite blankets or stuffed animals or toys of any kind, and I think because of that she clings to people. That’s why she is so insistent on getting in with the party, and why was so excited about having a brother in Runaway Max, because she relies on comfort people instead of objects.

She’s not very good at putting a name to her relationships. Like, she doesn’t really know how to describe how she feels about somebody, she just knows if she likes them or not. If she feels happy and sage with someone, that’s all that matters, she doesn’t feel the need to classify them beyond that. But she’s also aware that others don’t feel that way! And she feels pretty special when Lucas calls her his girlfriend!

In the future, there can be a lot of different outcomes for her.

If Billy stays dead, I can see Max ending up two ways, either staying in Hawkins because that’s where her brother is dead and buried and trying to move on in her own way, or leaving Hawkins entirely, just cutting ties completely with everyone and everything there to move away from the trauma that’s there, except for every year on B’s birthday when she comes back to visit.

If Billy lives though, I think there’s again two outcomes for her. One where she feels guilty about not noticing the mindflayer and her and Billy’s relationship gets a little strained, because they don’t cope well when they’re trying to pin the blame, or one where she is just grateful her brother isn’t dead and decides to live life to the fullest after that.

In any scenario, she would obviously get the happy ending she deserves, she just has to get there a totally different way.

And also, regardless of what path she takes, I think she’d make for an excellent writer in her future career. She’s smart, she’s got lots of story to tell and draw inspiration from, and it just seems right for her, because it isn’t super constricting and it’s a job most people who do it love!

Now onto Robin!

Her middle name is Leora!

For some reason I have this idea in my head that she doesn’t live with her parents anymore. Not that she got kicked out or anything, just that she moved out pretty early on.

I also think she isn’t from Hawkins. I like the idea that her family moved there just before high school from either Ohio or Maryland, not sure which.

In band, I think she’s a flute. She just gives me flute vibes but I got kicked out of the band so maybe I could be wrong.

It’s canon that she’s goth, wearing her spiky leather bracelet with her work uniform and all, but I think she also sometimes goes in the totally opposite fashion direction, like, sometimes she’s just feeling the patterns and fabrics and colors of the sixties and seventies her mom gave her.

One of her favorite things to do with her friends is go shopping! Not like, around malls, in part because other than Starcourt, the closest mall to Hawkins is forty five minutes away, but she likes to go out with her group and visit all the local thrift shops and cafés and stuff like that.

And she’s super crafty! She has embroidery hoops, beads, jewelry making kits, all of it scattered everywhere!

She has like, the tips of her hair bleached, they sort of look like highlights in a way, so I think it was her that convinced Steve to get his highlights done too.

Matter of fact, I think she teaches Steve a lot of things about himself without either of them realizing. She’s just so, not-superficial I guess, that it starts to rub off of him.

In my head she’s just always got like, a suuuuuper good read on people even if they just met, like, she just sees straight through everybody ever, and that’s why she even gives Steve a chance despite knowing how he treated her in school.

Her Scoops! shorts are pretty big while Steve’s are tight as heck, so I hc that those are his shorts. The uniform used to be a skimpy sailor skirt, but she’s seventeen and not particularly keen on being creeped on by older men when she gets hired there, so she refuses to wear it. She gets in trouble on the first day for wearing jeans, and Steve feels bad about it so he gives her the extra pair of shorts from his uniform!

Robin totally bottles up everything from Starcourt until she can’t anymore. Like, Steve is very open about his struggles with what happened under the mall because he wants help and he’s done it alone before, but she feels like she should be strong, grateful that they survived, and just, move on and forget about it. It doesn’t work and she ends up crashing hard. Like she goes from silently suffering to getting panic attacks all the time, and falling in a super deep depression rut. Obviously her friends are very supportive and provide her with the help she needs, and with time (lots and lots of time) she gets better!

Heather!

Her middle name is Ernestine! It was her grandma's name!

I head canon that she is a lesbian and I ship her and Robin!

She calls Billy William all the time because she was raised to be formal and respectful, and Billy just doesn’t feel or sound right when she says it. Even though she insists her name is Heather and she doesn’t need a nickname, Billy calls her Hetty or H!

She wears clip on earrings! Her parents refuse to let her get her ears pierced because they say she needs to respect her image and all that, but she always felt like she was missing some accessories, and found out from one of her friends about clip ons, which they allow!

Even though she has popular girl vibes, I don’t think she was in high school. Just sort of a floater, and she liked it that way! She’s way too sweet to be in with Steve’s crowd, but had some things in common with pretty much everyone else. Once she’s graduated she sort of falls into that popular category around Hawkins because she’s rich and older now, but she’s still the same old Heather.

Heather is a super good baker and cook! Her mother always had her helping in the kitchen while her dad was staying late at work, and eventually she got really good! Sometimes she’ll just randomly bring her friends like, a load of banana bread or a hot dish because it makes everyone happy!

She's a very affectionate person! If she hasn’t seen her friends for a while she’ll kiss them all over, and everytime you see her you have to hug her (unless you don’t want to, she’s equally as understanding as she is lovey!)

I reject canon! Heather is not dead! I know it’s very unlikely but I think the clones in the upside down were like fail saves, and the real versions are all still alive somewhere!

In the case that this is true, when everything gets fixed I don’t think her memories of what happened to her would be intact, and I think that would be super traumatic for her. Almost worse than how she would be feeling if she knew.

In the future she wants to be in the entertainment industry! I can totally see her becoming a country singer or a soap opera actress or both!

Robin becomes a librarian at the same school that Steve works at when he becomes a teacher! She also does art commissions on the side. Sculpting, painting, charcoals, all of it, she’s good at all of it!

And last but not least, Tommy!!

My hc for Tommy’s middle name is Byrd. It was like a super common name at one point and then just sort of plummeted, and I like to think his parents thought they were being original choosing that one. All of his friends call him Tommy Bird to make fun of him, but he secretly doesn’t hate it.

Tommy and Steve didn’t really become friends until middle school! Hawkins has two elementary schools based on which region you live in, and because they live in like, opposite ends of town they go to different ones. But the first day of middle school when the two schools merge, they’re out for recess, Steve sees Tommy alone and approaches him, and they become instant besties!

Tommy is very insecure about his popularity. Steve is cool with letting his slip because he has other things to worry about, but Tommy doesn’t. His grades are alright and his home life is decent, and he’s not involved in upside down business, so when Steve ditches him and people start to lose interest in him, he gets extremely upset. It consumes him sort of, the fear that nobody likes him anymore. That ends up being why him and Carol break it off for good.

Another reason he thinks a reputation is so important is because he used to be picked on before being friends with Steve. When he was little he had giant glasses and dressed kinda lame, and he internalized that a lot. He’s scared that without Steve they’ll go back to that.

All of that is why he clings onto Billy so tight. Like, his best friend for the past six or seven years just walked out without looking back, and he’s terrified that he’s going to be bullied again. So when big tough guy Billy Hargrove rolls into town he’s like I have to be friends with this dude right now or I’ll die.

I ship him with Steve! A lot! But also I like the thought of Tommy and Steve and Billy, platonically and shippy-y!

As for where he’s from, I don’t think Tommy is Hawkins born and raised. He grew up down south, maybe Georgia, or Tennessee?, but then his uncle over in Indiana starts a snake oil business with his dad and they have to move.

I think he’s very much a lightweight. Alcohol isn’t really his thing because his dad was an alcoholic and it scares him that he’ll be like that, so he never really tried it and his tolerance is super low. He always designates himself the driver, only he doesn’t have a car of his own, he’s not allowed to until he’s on his way to college, so he always drives other people’s cars to their houses and walks home.

I don’t know if Tommy is able to avoid the upside down beyond st2. Maybe him and Billy try to keep in contact once school lets out, but he notices somethings off with him because he’s flayed. This could result in him also being flayed, depending on the situation, or if not he might get involved later, because he starts putting the pieces together after Starcourt.

Tommy owning up and joining Steve in monster hunting quests! Heck yeah!

If there is no involvement with all that mess though, I’d say it takes a few years out of high school for him to finally admit to being wrong. Like, he always maintained that he was right to be mad at Steve for driving away and right to be basically just a bully like he was, but once he’s older, mid twenties maybe, he realizes that wasn’t the way to be and calls a bunch of people up to apologize to them.

He goes to beauty school and becomes a hair stylist and makeup artist on television sets!

As for other background characters, like other party members or adults, I don’t have a whole lot of specific ideas that aren’t already canon! In the future if I write anything where they are more central characters that might change, but as of right now I don’t really have any headcanons for them!

[dmcdrabbles]

Going anon for this because insecurities have peaked for me on this topic but, how would the guys react to finding out their s/o has autism, and never really knew other than them having some ticks or quirks, maybe they find them visibly upset one day because they find out they were hearing a lot of hate like how some people think they can't feel love or were refered to as an "it", and were honestly afraid to let the guys know in fear of being seen different or lesser, weaker

I hope that I’m able to write this okay! And no need to worry about being anon for requests, I think asking for prompts in the first place can be a little daunting so whatever makes the reader comfortable is what they should do. 

Under the cut because it gets a little long

Nero

Immediately worried to find them that upset, he’s extremely protective of them so he’s ready to jump to whatever they need him to help with

Finding out that it’s an emotionally sensitive situation instead of something he can just help fix, he settles down and asks them if they’ll tell him what’s bothering them

He gets mad on his s/o’s behalf all over again, saying that none of the people saying those sorts of things know the first thing about them/other people with autism

He was so hotheaded about the insults that he needs to backtrack to address the part about his s/o having autism- he understands that they were self conscious, and now it’s made him extra committed to being supportive towards them. He doesn’t want them to feel like he’d ever think less of them.

He tells them he loves them exactly as they are

Is only half joking when he offers to kick the ass of anyone who said something stupid 

V

Sits beside them and patiently tries to help them calm down first- whether that means just being next to them, or holding their hand, or talking to them calmly until they’re ready to talk

He’s an exceptionally comforting listener, just quietly taking in what they have to say and nodding to encourage them, holding their hand if they want that.

He waits until they’re finished before he responds. He says, with comforting assuredness, that the people who say things like that are wrong about them. He lists off the things about them that he thinks are special and wonderful and says that the people who talk like that will use any excuse to call someone else less than them.

He tells them that they can lean on him for support, and he’ll be happy to listen to them

Dante

Tries to cheer them up first, making some dumb jokes or another, but he stops if his s/o wants him to be more serious about it.

Asks if they want to talk about it. He’s more than willing to listen, but he’s fine with just helping them get their mind off of things if they prefer.

If they want to talk, either right then or later, he doesn’t interrupt. He does say quite a bit with his expressions, though- a lot of sympathetic looks when they’re expressing how they feel, and a lot of looking exceptionally pissed at hearing what the other people said

Rubs their back and lets them let it out until they prompt him to say something

He says that putting on a name on the way they are would never change the way he feels about them- he’s around them all the time, he already knows the way they are and he loves them as they are

Calls the people who said cruel things “a bunch of idiots”, and says people will rally behind any stupid idea without knowing what the hell they’re talking about

says they can talk to him about anything- he says he doesn’t always have the best advice but he’s here for them 

Vergil

He’s not good with comforting other people when they’re upset and he knows it. Still, he cares deeply enough about his s/o that he’s going to try. He secretly hates the idea that the way he acts is making them try to hide this sort of thing from him.

At the very least, he’s going to sit by them and be physically there as the available shoulder to cry on if they want it. If they try to stop their crying he’ll tell them it’s fine, just let it out. He won’t outright say he’s there to help but he’ll ask why they’re upset.

When he hears that it has something to do (in part) with what someone else said, he has to stifle the instinct to try to deal with that first and just continue to listen.

He wipes away his s/o’s tears and tells them that he knows they’re strong, more than strong enough to listen to people who say idiotic things. He says that they know themself well enough to know that the others are wrong. 

If they bring up their autism again to ask about his reaction or show some sort of insecurity about his opinion of them, he’ll scoff and say something along the lines of “I must not be clear enough in my feelings for you if you think they’ll change over something like that.” 

That’s Vergil speak for, “I’ll love you no matter what”

[flexifukt-blog]

I never really understood the whole thing of not getting your child vaccinated due to autism. Like seriously, I never understood it.  As I’ve grown older, I have come to understand some parts of it. Hardcore Christians believe that higher education is evil, which in itself tells me that that should be avoided, especially with things like this. There is a part of the bible that outright said “God helps those who help themselves”. Open heart surgery. Chemotherapy. Proper water purification. What’s the difference between taking a shot so you don’t get mumps and drinking mint tea to settle an upset stomach? These are things humans have learned, things that work, or that we believe  work, and they didn’t come around because of generalized stupidity. Someone sat, stared, thought, came up with a theory and tested it. Just like with toothbrushes. Are toothbrushes inherently evil? I have two sons who both have autism. They are their own people, capable of their own things in life. When people tell me they choose not to vaccinate for religious beliefs, I wonder if this is going to end out like the kids in Jonestown. “Don’t drink THEIR kool-aid, drink THIS kool-aid instead.” But, I know my head always comes up with the worst concepts of this. I’m not anti-religious, just anti-self chosen-ignorance. But then there’s the people who are saying that autism is being caused by the injections. There’s no religious belief. There’s no real reason except this doctor, who was bad enough that he lost his license and wasn’t allowed to practice anymore, wrote a bad report saying immunizations are bad. Dude, Nazis had their own belief that people of color, or of differentiating sexual orientations were genetically worse than blue eyed, blond haired Christians. They had their own papers written up to try and prove it. Does that make ANY of this true? Of course not.  Yes, there is a chance that a child may have a bad reaction to the injections and die. I will guarantee you, if we had as many people that are immunized lined up and exposed to random animals, very much a part of nature, there would be a MUCH HIGHER chance of bad reactions. People are allergic to things. People have a bad reaction to things. It’s the way life goes. And let’s face it, if these people actually understood autism, if they really understood the different faces of it, then it wouldn’t be such a fear. Yes, there are the bad cases where the children are non-verbal, can’t walk or properly function, but autism can also be that kid who smiles a lot, is too kind and trusting of those around them because they always see the best, who seem normal most of the time, but grow loud and excited when talking about their favorite game, book, show, ect.  Oh, no, Minecraft. What a nightmare. I have two children who have different types of autism. I have one with aspergers who spends too much time cuddling our dog, who can’t choose between Minecraft and Terraria, though lets face it, Minecraft is the obvious winner, and every teacher he’s ever had tells me what a delight he is because he’s a giant sweetheart. THIS is just as much autism as anything else, and if I got to choose to have him be non-autistic but die when he was fucking 8 because some kid at his school had pertussis, which some kid that year actually had, I’d definitely choose having him hug the dog while trying to tell me why Skeletron is secretly part of the illuminati. He was a year late getting an injection. Not that I didn’t want to give it to him, but he freaked out, and bent the needle in his arm, and I had to take him to a specialty doctor which our insurance didn’t cover at the time. Was I relieved, thinking his autism wouldn’t get worse?  No, I was freaking terrified every time I saw a  red note come home from school. I’d spend the next week making sure he didn’t spontaneously get rashes or fevers. (One of these was bad timing because he brought home the note, then two days later broke out in a terrible rash. I rushed him to the doctor in full out panic thinking my kid had scarlet fever or something, and after testing, the doctor asked if we’d recently changed shampoos. THAT was embarrassing.) But here’s my point. If you don’t vaccinate your children for religious reasons but eat pork, shrimp or cut the hair in front of your ears, you aren’t keeping your child pure for God, you’re irresponsible and should have your children taken away from you because you’re too stupid to function in society. You are picking apart the pieces of the religion and deciding what aspects you want. If you don’t vaccinate your children out of fear of autism, you’re not really saying “I don’t want my kids to have autism”, what you’re saying is either “I believe everything I read on the internet without actually seeing proof”, or “I resent the autistic child I already have.” Neither one of these are good things. If your child is actually allergic to the injections, then they shouldn’t have to fear about some other kid in class coming down with a serious illness who could have easily avoided it. These people deserve to have their child feel safe. They deserve to know that since no one around their kid is going to freaking catch measles, the chance of them having it is little to none. And the only real religious exemptions should be from Mennonites and the Amish, who actually go through the whole bible and pay attention to all of it, not just the bits and pieces they want. Hell, your microwave can ding on your cell phone on the other side of the house to let you know that your freaking pizza rolls are ready. If you’re still not using cars or velcro, and using horses and cows to till fields, I will fully accept your religious exemption. If you don’t fall into these last two categories, vaccinate your kids, because if my immunized child ends out getting something they have been immunized against because ten kids at their school weren’t immunized and they had an outbreak of an easily curable disease, I will fucking hunt you down with the rest of the parents who’s immunized, or immunocompromized children who couldn’t be vaccinated got what your stupid decisions gave them. And if you dare say it’s alright if your child kills someone else’ child because it’s your right, then it’s also our right to burn you at the fucking stake to purify the gene pool. Rant over. Sorry. 

[theinkstainsblog]

You explained your wip has an autisic character so I just wanted to know more about him??

Thank-you for the ask! Fair warning, I’m probably going to end up talking about him way too much cause you’ve made me really happy asking about him :D 

The autistic character is Blake Lively *cough* yes like the actress.i woke up with it in my head one day and thought it was perfect for him and only much later did i realise where my sub conscious must have got it from, my bad.

You don’t get to meet him until a little while into the book because the main character Eli first has to break out of prison and get to the rebel base. He’s a good-looking young man, in his early to mid twenties - brown hair, green eyes, a slight tan. He’s slightly taller than medium height but it’s hard to tell because he has an almost permanent slouch. This and the big black hoodies he loves, makes it seem almost like he’s hiding and this, and his skill with hacking, lead to his (very affectionate) nickname among the group - the Ghost.

Blake is one of the Colourless Soldiers, a group of rebels hiding within a ruined part of the city who oppose the king and his men. Like I said he has a huge penchant for technology, no one can rival his skill with computers and he’s the best hacker the rebels have. Partly just because he’s very intelligent, partly because of his ability to almost hyper-focus on that one thing. This skill comes in handy over and over again, not least because Eli would never have got out of prison without Blake’s ability to fuck with the security system. 

He’s very quiet (doesn’t talk much and when he does, he speaks slowly, almost haltingly - not because he doesn’t want to talk to people, just because he likes to think carefully about what he’s saying/try to script ahead because he worries about saying the wrong thing/missing something and upsetting somebody) and at first glance doesn’t appear to have a huge amount of impact on events which confuses Eli (the POV character) because the rebel leader values Blake’s opinions above anyone else’s. 

There are a few reasons for this that Eli and the reader will later discover: 

1). Blake is incredibly well informed. He’s a hacker so he spends a lot of time lurking around online, picking up information. If he thinks something is a bad idea, it probably is. He’s kind of like the spider at the centre of the web - no one knows who this Ghost is, but he knows everything, he’s controlling everything from the depths. Fuck with him or anyone he cares about at your peril. 

2). Blake and Jack (the leader) are incredibly close, the result of having a shared tragic past and saving each other from it.. Jack knows him better than anyone, would trust him with anything (not least because Blake takes the word ‘promise’ very seriously and will not EVER make one if there’s the slightest chance he won’t be able to keep it) and is secretly in love with him. You’ll just have to read the book if you want to find out how that pans out.

3). Blake has a few idiosyncrasies (described below) but rather than tease or mistreat him for this, Jack’s respect has led to people joining in/helping with them. For the Colourless Soldiers some of the less neurotypical things that Blake does have become considered good luck to them as well as him.

These idiosyncrasies are mainly to do with numbers. Certain numbers are good, other numbers are bad. They just are, they feel wrong. You can’t take out seven people on a mission because that’s a prime number and prime numbers are wrong. 

So like I said, rather than poke fun at this, the other Soldiers listen to him and well send out six or eight instead for good luck. If Blake approves, then the mission is considered lucky, because they’re all so close to him - it takes him a while to trust people, he’s been hurt and manipulated before, but once you’ve got that trust, you couldn’t wish for a more loyal friend. The one thing I absolutely wanted to be clear was: yes he’s autistic, and no he’s not lonely. He does things differently sure, he does things his own way but he is loved for that.

Blake is also pretty hypersensitive and that can make things difficult for him at times. When bombs are going off outside and there are shootings going on, the sound and the smells and the screams, make life very tough for him. It can be hard not to go into a meltdown at these times. Stimming helps with some things, other times only Jack can help, by just sitting with him and talking soothingly, anchoring him. 

He’s also sensitive to other people. While he may not be great at reading body language or even tones of voice, he can usually sense if someone isn’t doing well even when he has no idea why they’re unhappy. He usually no idea what to say at these times (because he can’t script ahead if he doesn’t know what the matter is) but he will always offer hugs. 

He gives good hugs, he’s had a lot of practice. Just make sure you ask beforehand or wait for him to offer - he doesn’t like being touched if he doesn’t know why / how. 

Other little random things about Blake: 

1). Sometimes he just wants to drown everything out. And what better way to do that than by listening to really loud music, pulsing through his headphones? He likes indie-rock stuff mostly. 

2). He cannot cook to save his life. This annoys him because it should be easy: just follow the recipe. But it never quite goes his way. 

3). He’s a dog person. Definitely. He can’t get enough of them. 

So yeah, that’s Blake! I wanted to give an autistic character a positive representation, and one where they weren’t a loner or considered weird by everyone around them. For Blake, autism isn’t the only thing about him: he’s also a computer nerd, very smart, a loyal friend and the most trustworthy person you’ll ever meet. But autism is a part of him and as such it’s wrapped up in all the other things that make him him.

You couldn’t take the autism out of him because he wouldn’t be Blake without it. But he’s still more than that. Does that make sense? I hope it does. 

Yep I was right lol i talked waaaay too much

[twodatesaweek]

my first marriage proposal

i scheduled a date two sundays ago on the stiletto heels of a two-day conference on female empowerment only because he offered carnegie hall tickets for that evening and i wasn’t going to pass that up, even though i’d never met the guy and thought that offer was a bit much. after being in an arena of 2500 women, whose emotions ran through my body in the form of an urge to cry every 15 minutes or so, as woman after woman rose to share inspiring stories that bound us all in the sisterhood of our shared experiences of trauma and resilience, i would have much preferred to go home and take a bath and not talk to anyone for the next 12 hours. for better or worse, i was to meet a strange man off the internet two hours later, but what better opportunity to practice my newly learned skills of the womanly arts? 

to kill time until date time, i sat in a cafe a block away from carnegie hall, a pink rose at my waist from the event, trying to learn how to think about my pussy at each move i made (which was one of the exercises they had taught us). i thought about it as i went for the almond croissant instead of something with protein. i thought about it as i attempted to sashay a few feet to retrieve a lid for my latte. then i took out my kindle and proceeded to continue reading about women following their desires. out of the corner of my eye, i noticed a young man going from customer to customer seated at this cafe, asking them something. the only words i caught were “my girlfriend.” his speech sounded like an entreaty of some kind. a part of me felt some admiration for him for doing so much work for this girlfriend, mixed in with some jealousy and wondering why she wasn’t doing the asking herself. what did she need so desperately that he had to ask it of every stranger there? money? food? did her phone break and they needed to make an emergency call to her grandmother, who was dying this very moment? i waited for him to reach me, not lifting my eyes. finally, he came to my table. he took the chair next to me, placed it away from us, and then faced me. i watched as he knelt down on one knee and asked the question that perhaps every woman secretly wants to hear at least once in her life: “will you marry me?” 

i was completely confused. i had no idea what to say. something to the effect of “who are you?” slipped out of my mouth as i heard people applaud all around me. “what is this??” i must have also said. he raised his hand up as if to high five me. i almost raised my hand to meet his until i realized that i still had no idea what was going on. i noticed that he was casually dressed in something nondescript and was wearing what i later learned were bluetooth headphones, but which at the time simply looked like the headphones i was used to seeing only without cords, two white earbuds dangling out of his ears like forgotten fruit. this only made me even more confused and wonder if he had cut off the cords and was therefore...psychotic? before i could think more, i saw his body lean alarmingly close to me in what became apparent as an attempt to kiss me. in that moment, my only thought was: do i want this? and the answer from my pussy was: NO. an image of a woman raising her arm to signal a “no” flashed in my mind from a simulation i had observed just hours earlier at the conference about how to ward off unwanted male attention at a hypothetical club. at that time, i was half paying attention and felt like i would never need this, since i never went clubbing and no strange man has ever tried to dance with me in public. now, as i saw this strange man get closer to me who i was pretty sure i didn’t know (but which, incredibly, i also doubted if i knew at the same time, probably due to the sheer surprise element and the fact that everyone was clapping, as if they were expecting this and knew something i didn’t but ought to have known), i raised my hand in that same blocking gesture and pushed him smoothly away. 

i turned to the people around me in the cafe and asked them all, “what did he say to you?” the people i happened to see first were all women. in that moment, perhaps because i was fresh from the conference, i didn’t see them as strangers, but as sisters. from all the loving support from female strangers i had experienced just an hour earlier, i somehow expected the same from them. they didn’t disappoint. 

“he told us that you were his girlfriend and that he was going to propose. he told us to ‘support him’ by clapping,” they said. 

“i’ve never met this person in my life,” i said. i repeated this several times in the few seconds it took for all of us to digest what had just happened and to realize that we had all been duped.

“you handled that really well,” a young blonde woman told me from another table over. 

“i’m sorry that i supported this - i didn’t know,” another woman told me who was sitting on the couch to my right. “are you okay?” she asked, in accented english.

“yea, i’m fine,” i said slowly, trying to figure out what i was actually feeling. and then it started dawning on me that this was akin to attempted groping or forcible kissing, a fresh example of everything that’s being exposed on the news on an almost daily basis, except perversely packaged in this romantic gesture that incorporated the non-consensual complicity of others - something i’ve never heard of yet and thus never expected. 

“where is he?” i asked, now suddenly panicked and looking around the cafe, realizing the danger i was just in and what else this man could have done. 

“he left,” a south asian woman said, who was sitting two tables over. i looked around the room and noticed that all the men acted as if nothing had happened. they were all silent and looking down into phones or other devices, even the one who was sitting closest to me and who must have heard, if not seen, everything. an older woman wearing dark eyeliner walked up to me from farther away and asked me if i had known this man. i told her the truth. i realized that all the women in the room, an international consortium of all ages, uniformly appeared concerned and were engaging with me, while all the men not only didn’t ask what was going on, but continued to act as if nothing had happened. it felt as if they were all just bystander witnesses to, say, someone trying to steal someone else’s phone or punch them in the face, and they just kept on calmly checking their email, a foot away. half the room acknowledged one reality, while the other half lived in a completely different reality. 

as everyone returned to their roles as fellow urban strangers, a part of me wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. i found my mind starting to go down the all too familiar rabbit hole of self-blame: was it because i wore makeup and flattering clothing that i was targeted? was it because i was thinking sensual thoughts and he somehow picked up on that and that’s why i was targeted? a part of me knew this had absolutely nothing to do with me, that this train of thought was simply a relic from a lifetime of patriarchal conditioning wherein women blame ourselves for everything, because what’s the use of blaming external forces when we have no power to change them? i also realized that it was an attempt for my logical brain to make sense of what seemed completely nonsensical, even if it’s at my own expense, because self-blame imparts some sliver of cause and effect to an otherwise utterly senseless violation. fear soon superseded everything when i thought - what if he was lurking just outside the cafe, ready to pounce? i hated the fact that despite having just attended one of the most inspiring feminist events i’d ever attended in my life, all my old fears of men returned so quickly and strongly. i was in no mood for a date at this point. this fear competed with my desire to get the hell out of dodge as i suited up in my winter layers and walked cautiously outside. but not before the young female barista also asked me what had happened and i told her. i advised her to keep an eye out for this man, now that we all knew what he was really up to. she pledged to do so and a feeling of sisterhood rose up inside of me again. in this war of the sexes, i realized that all women are allies when it comes to a question of basic physical safety, the integrity and preservation of one’s own bodily boundaries. the fairy tales tell us that men are supposed to protect our persons and be our champions in battle, but in reality, it is the women themselves who have risen to protect ourselves and each other. i hope that the men may follow, but i’m not going to wait. 

outside, the bracing cold air was refreshing and helped re-focus my mind away from what happened and on how the coldness felt on my body. i walked up and down in front of carnegie, waiting for this date that i now had almost zero desire to meet. i couldn’t wait to be able to just sit inside, basking in the music, and not talk to a man. later, when i told him this story, his first question was not “are you okay,” but “was he wearing red swimming trunks? was it performance art?” i could tell that he was trying to be clever, but it fell completely flat as i realized that he just didn’t get it, despite his work as a special ed teacher supposedly well-versed in the art of non-verbal communication. deleting you from my phone now, “Okc Steve Autism!” 

i have since wondered a lot about why someone would do what this person did, about what he was trying to achieve. was he psychotic or a psychopath? my answer tipped into psychopath not only as soon as I realized those earphones are totally legit and actually bluetooth (also - what the fuck was he listening to? was this stunt being recorded somehow?), but when i considered how perfectly manipulative it was. the fact that he set it up so that everyone was clapping to support the reality of his delusion that i was his girlfriend to whom he was proposing was like classic gas lighting - i am being made to seem like the crazy one if everyone else believes the same story i don’t subscribe to. what is madness but a difference of consensus belief? he was relying on the element of shock and everyone else’s social expectations in the form of applause to disorient a woman and make her comply with what was expected of her, isolating her to be the only one “not in on the joke,” so to speak, hoping to exploit the very cultural conditioning of women to continually comply with and accommodate others at the expense of her own feelings and desires that this very conference i had just attended was trying to reverse. had I not just come from the conference before encountering this same situation, i very well may have allowed him to kiss me before i was able to come to my senses and react more appropriately. how many times has he done this before? how many confused strange women’s lips did he actually make contact with in this way? even this time, a part of me still doubted myself enough that my reaction was not an immediate one of repulsion or anger. all of those feelings came later, much more slowly, contrary to what one who has never been in this kind of situation may expect. in the moment, i had to deliberately think through what i was going to do. protecting myself was not a reflex, as I had expected it would be. but then, as someone later pointed out, his action was not one that’s coded as stereotypically dangerous by our brains, unlike, say, someone lunging towards us suddenly with a knife. instead, the way he leaned in to try to kiss me was so smooth and seemingly socially appropriate that no one looking at the scene from the outside would have known that something very wrong was actually happening. in fact, nothing observable could be said to be wrong except for the lack of consent involved, and the only way we would ever know that there was no consent would be the subjective experience of the person being touched in this situation, which was me. everything turns on the (most often female) subject’s own experience, the very experience that has been so demonized, distorted, doubted, and dismissed in patriarchal culture. 

no more.