at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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Guess what? I've got more Jamil x reader for y'all.
You can also find this on ao3.
No warnings, just 866 words of kinda fluffy(?) caretaking stuff with gender-neutral reader.
At this point, you know Jamil’s schedule almost as well as he does. So, when you have the chance, you head to Scarabia’s kitchen, hoping to spend some time with Jamil while he and the other students prepare dinner.
However, when you enter, it takes you but a moment to notice Jamil’s uncharacteristic fumbling and the tired look in his eyes. The way Jamil’s chopping the vegetables has you worried about him cutting himself with that knife he’s usually so adept with, and it seems it’s only force of habit that’s keeping him on track.
You frown, and when your eyes meet Jamil’s, you can already see him put his guard up.
So he knows what state he is in, huh? And still, here he is.
It seems Jamil is reading your thoughts, all of him telling you drop it before any words are even said.
At least he still lets you lean in and give a quick kiss to his cheek in greeting.
“Hello love. Do you still have a lot on your agenda for today?” you ask, keeping your tone low for at least some semblance of privacy in the busy kitchen.
“Nothing I can’t handle,” is the response you get.
Of course.
It takes a little more pestering before Jamil actually answers your question. Your lips purse. That list is far too long to your liking.
You take a moment to think, juggling your own plans and to-do list against the urgency of the things Jamil mentioned.
“Will Kalim be eating from that?” you ask, pointing at the food Jamil is preparing.
“Yes.”
“Alright, I won’t be touching that one, then. I’ve gotta do a few things but I’ll be back when you’re done here.”
“Don’t,” Jamil says with a glare, clearly aware of what you’re thinking.
Yet even his disapproving look doesn’t have the usual weight behind it.
“Yes. I will,” you say firmly, even as your heart curls inwards with another bout of concern.
Really, when did he get so tired?
And how did you not notice it earlier?
You leave the kitchen before Jamil can protest further, hurrying through the dorm corridors to find Kalim.
Soon you have an enthusiastic – and concerned – supporter for your plans. You have Kalim point out a few reliable Scarabia students to help with a few of the most urgent matters Jamil mentioned – cleaning up the common areas, delivering some paperwork to Crowley, preparing some dorm-wide notices – while you see to Kalim getting his school supplies in order for the following day. You even recruit a couple of third years to help Kalim with his homework.
You’ll see to the rest tomorrow – after all, you do also have a boyfriend to look after.
Your conversation over dinner can hardly be called anything else than an argument – despite Kalim’s best attempts at acting as a moderating force between you two. It is very tempting to ask Kalim to tell Jamil to take the rest of the day off – it’s not like Jamil would be willing to openly disobey a direct order. Still, you really don’t need to remind Jamil of his position on top of everything else that you’re already doing more or less against his wishes.
Eventually, however, Jamil’s had a square meal, the most urgent things on his to-do list are being taken care of, and you’ve managed to drag him to his bed.
“I really wish you wouldn’t push yourself so hard,” you murmur, your arms wrapped tightly around Jamil. You’re telling yourself you really do just want to cuddle, to offer some respite to Jamil. Still, there might also be a part of you worried that if you were to let go, he’d just jump up and get back to working himself to the bone.
Yet, for all his protestations, just the fact that you’ve gotten Jamil to lay down with you speaks volumes of his current exhaustion.
“I can’t just leave my duties, albi. You know this.”
“Making yourself too indispensable, is what you’re doing,” you protest.
Oh, you know it’s not so simple. Not with his background, not with all the expectations and assumptions.
But sometimes you really wish it would be.
Jamil merely scoffs in response to your words.
Still, it is undeniable that he is slowly beginning to relax in your arms, slowly bringing his head closer to yours. His eyes are starting to flutter, too.
“I will still need to help Kalim with his homework, at the very least.”
You wonder who he is trying to convince more, you or himself.
“Amin and Khalil are helping him. They’re basically top of their classes, aren’t they? I’m sure they’ve got it.”
Still, Jamil frowns.
You sigh. He really is not letting go, is he?
“Do you want me to go supervise?” you ask.
And leave you, unsaid yet hanging there right after your words.
“Don’t,” Jamil eventually says, the word barely more than a breath.
It seems he has accepted his fate.
You softly caress Jamil’s hair, listening to his softening breathing.
And when you wake up, wholly unaware of having been lulled to sleep in the first place, it’s to the lightest of touches from Jamil’s fingers.
Tagging @diodellet @twstgo @crystallizsch @jamilvapologist @jamilsimpno69 as per request
If you'd like to be tagged for any future works, let me know!
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hey AleRudy poly anon again!!
your girl is going through it :( So I was wondering if I could request Alejandro and Rudy (together) x a reader who is insecure about their baby face? It’s been hard lately and it doesn’t help with the fact I haven’t had a date before.
thank you!! Your blogs help me so much!!
I wasn't sure if you wanted your blog to be public since you forgot to go anonymous in the second ask, so I cropped your name out, I hope that's alright with you! Besides, anon, you're drop dead gorgeous! You're adorable to no end and I can assure you one day you'll find someone who will go through quicksand just to be able to go on a date with you! Just give it some more time!
AleRudy with a Babyfaced Reader
If I were you, I’d advise to not voice your discomfort with your baby face to these two men, neither of them take too kindly to you beating yourself up over something that is neither your fault, nor something that you can change just like that. However, if you want to be cheered up a bit, reassured that you’re beautiful, regardless of what may be, then go right ahead, tell them that you aren’t satisfied with the way you look. If anyone ever tells you to your face that you aren’t pretty then you have Alejandro and Rodolfo at your side, willing to defend you and your beauty. While Rodolfo may not be as confrontational normally, usually letting some things slide for the sake of being left alone, he will fight whoever dares to make a mean comment about you. You’re the most beautiful person on this planet along with Alejandro, so naturally he will settle for nothing less than the truth. Alejandro will just straight up challenge anyone who’s mean to you to a fight. He’s a heated sort of person, so it’s not too hard to rile him up. It’s usually Alejandro taking it up with whoever said you weren’t pretty while Rodolfo comforts you in the back. Sometimes the two of you watch a colonel beat up some no one, though. It’s fun, I promise, because Alejandro doesn’t hold back when it comes to you. Even if his knuckles end up bloody, he will fight for you.
If you’re just feeling down about your face in general, then the two of them will comfort you to the best of their abilities. Generally speaking, Alejandro sometimes gets cuteness aggression when you or Rodolfo are being especially adorable. This includes, but is not limited to: The both of you focusing on a video game, smiling at some cute animal videos or just existing in general. If he can, then he will squish your face. Don’t worry, he’s gentle with you, but it might hurt ever so slightly nevertheless if he gets carried away. Squeezes you, squishes you, pulls your face, pinches your cheeks. all the while cooing at you about how adorable you are and how lucky he is to have such a cool and awesome and gorgeous partner. He will pepper your face in kisses as well all the while he’s doing so because he just can’t hold back. Why would or should he? It’s you we’re talking about, and you deserve to feel loved and appreciated.
Rodolfo goes about it in a different way: He’ll have you internalize some compliments whenever you’re feeling down. Or on the daily. Doesn’t matter if you believe them just yet, you will eventually. Even if it’s just a simple “I look really cute today”, it suffices for him. Besides, if you’re ever in need of ideas as to what you could be internalizing for the day, just ask him or Alejandro, they have a lot of good things to say about you. You can also expect a sweet little kiss from him for every self compliment you’ve made. Or maybe a hug. Maybe five minutes of cuddles as well. He wants you to associate being confident and loving yourself with good things, so naturally he’s going to reward you somehow. It might be hard at first, but you’ll get there eventually, you will end up loving yourself in your entirety, that’s his and Alejandro’s mission. And throughout it all, the both of them will support you, no matter what.
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The reason I love going into the tag times and times again is that I see people coming up with the same sort of ideas just after an episode and some of them are so interesting (people making the connection between Luke's bands, their names, his turn of luck, and the drown victim! Fascinating stuff I had not made the connection to AT ALL, but I enjoy quite a bit.)
But speaking of the drowning victim, once again I cannot help but turn towards Alice, and I've got two very vague theories of my own building up.
The first one, the one that immediately jumped at me and that I'm giddy about it becoming true maybe, is that Alice has fallen prey to the Institute, and to whatever version of the Eye we've got here. She's in the process of becoming an eye victim. We've only had Alice for 15 episodes, after all, but ALL THIS TIME, she's been a firm advocate for "keep your head down, don't ask questions, don't get curious, don't look, don't listen, and everything will be fine." Someone who avoids so well digging into the horrors she categorizes each week is someone who fears what she might discover on the other side.
Avoidance is fear; so is being unable to shake away the truth anymore. If you won't go out of your way to seek truth (which could also end badly, of course, see: Jon), then the truth will be the one chasing after you. Alice is the only one who gets the feeling of being followed after coming back from the Institute. Alice is the one who just so happens to stumble into a supernatural occurence, and gets a tape recorder out of it ---well, not really, she drops it, but- the tape recorder is not recording the drowning victim. the tape recorder is recording ALICE witnessing the drowning victim. ALICE being too terrified of what she sees to stay, ALICE running away. I'm getting the feeling that this is far from the last time Alice is going to just randomly see shit like that. and, each time, there will be a tape recorder somewhere.
The second theory, which is less well thought about so far and less obvious is. I think the Magnus Archives World is, quite literally, haunting the Magnus Protocol World. I think, perhaps, whatever door Jon opened that day when he sent the fears away, he didn't really got to close it behind him after, and so now things are popping up -- and also people. Mght have started with Celia, Georgie, possibly Melanie and Basira (and other cult members close by) ; might be still going with other victims (hence the Errors at the Institute, hence the drowning victim -- although, again, love the idea the drowning victim might have actually been linked to Luke's bands).
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