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punkshort · 1 year ago

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somewhere to run | 11. austin pt.2

Pairing: sheriff!Joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: You go back to Austin for another meeting with Madeline, but this time, you're alone, and you meet someone from Joel's past.

Chapter Warnings: language, some mild hints at smut but nothing explicit, angst, hurt/comfort, discussions/recollections of past DV/SA, insecurity issues, jealousy, panic attack

WC: 6.5K

Series Masterlist

Something was wrong.

You hadn't seen or heard from Joel since the diner, and that was three whole days ago. He didn't normally stop by on the weekends, but he had gotten in the habit of sending you a text here or there. Things like how was the rest of your shift? Or watched this movie tonight with Sarah, you would like it. And sure, sometimes it would be more along the lines of can't stop thinking about you, what are you wearing?

You had both stayed true to your word. The two of you hadn't had sex since the time in his truck a few weeks ago. But some of your texts have crossed the line a couple times. And yes, there might have been one small phone call that ended with your thighs clenched around your hand and him groaning quietly on the other end, but that didn't count. You weren't dating. You weren't together. And unless your phone was tapped, nobody would ever know.

Looking down at your phone, you frowned. The last message you sent him wasn't even delivered. And it was already past his usual time to stop in for lunch. Tomorrow was your meeting with Madeline. You were sure he would want to talk to you about it before you left.

It was very unlike him.

"Maria?" you called out when you happened to catch her walking by the counter.

"What's up?" she asked, carrying an armful of menus.

"No Joel today?" you tried to ask as casually as possible.

If she was suspicious, she didn't let on.

"Oh, yeah. He's out of town. We're watching Sarah til he gets back tomorrow evening," she said, looking over her shoulder when an older couple walked in looking for a table. "Sorry, gotta go," she said, then hurried towards the hostess stand to greet the customers.

Out of town? Why wouldn't he have told you?

Because you aren't dating, you idiot.

Still, it bothered you. You told him you wanted to take control of your life and do things for yourself. Did that upset him? Maybe he took it the wrong way. You had still hoped he would give you advice, some guidance on how the process works, what to expect next.

You were probably reading too much into it. Maybe there was a family emergency.

It wasn't until almost midnight when your phone pinged next to your bed. Groggily, you reached over and squinted at the screen, then opened your eyes wide when you saw his name.

Joel: Sorry, something came up out of town. I'll hopefully be back late tomorrow. Let me know how your meeting goes.

You stared at the screen, reading and rereading his text. Hopefully be back tomorrow? What was going on? Why was he responding so late?

Probably because he knew you would be asleep and wouldn't bother him with a reply.

You put your phone back on your charger without answering and pulled your comforter back up to your chin as you stared blankly at the ceiling.

You were spiraling and you knew it. You were letting your insecurities get the best of you again. There was no reason to think Joel was icing you out. He was probably just busy. You couldn't expect him to spend all his time worrying about you.

There was nothing you could do about it now, short of calling him and outright asking him what's going on, so you did your best to push it out of your mind. Closing your eyes, you tried to will yourself to sleep before hitting the road early the next morning.

It was very early when you got up, so you decided to still not answer his text from the night before. If he was up that late, he was probably still sleeping.

At first, you were glad for the distraction. Driving the two hours to Austin kept your hands away from your phone, although you would be lying if you didn't hope to have another message from Joel when you stopped to use the restroom, just to be sorely disappointed.

There was hardly any traffic so you arrived a little ahead of schedule. You parked in the same parking ramp you and Joel parked in last time and walked the few blocks to the law firm, grateful for a few minutes of fresh air to clear your head. When you entered the lobby, you were greeted by the same two receptionists as last time, and the same one as before waved you over with a smile. She didn't appear to recognize you when you told her your name, and as you watched her scroll on her computer, a nasty part of you wondered if she would remember Joel had he been there with you.

She probably would. Joel's effect on the women he encounters wasn't lost on you. He practically had the whole town wrapped around his finger back home. It hadn't bothered you much lately, but something about his sudden disappearance and lack of contact was just bringing out all your worst thoughts. You shook your head as you sat down, trying to make the thoughts scatter. Pulling out a small notebook and pen, you flipped open the cover and reviewed the contact information you had given Madeline's secretary, along with a couple questions you wanted to ask, but your eye kept wandering to your phone, as if you were trying to force it to light up with his name.

You heard Madeline's soft voice call for you and you lifted your head to greet her with a smile. Clutching your notebook and pen in one hand and purse in the other, you stood to follow her out of the lobby. You made sure to shoot the receptionist who helped you a friendly smile as you walked past, feeling guilty for having such catty thoughts about her when she didn't even do anything wrong.

"So, I reached out to the people on your list. All except your mother, like you requested," Madeline said, jumping right in when you sat down in her office. You liked that about her. She didn't waste any time.

"I sent them texts warning them you would be in touch and they all seemed happy to help," you told her, and she nodded.

"Very much so, but I really do feel like having your mother testify would help. Mothers are great at garnering sympathy from a jury."

You chewed nervously on your fingernail as you thought about it.

"Besides my cousin, she's the only one who I confided in the most," you began, dropping your hand to your lap. "But she never seemed to see it the same way I did. If Patrick hit me, she thought it was because I was talking back or pushing his buttons. She would defend him, telling me 'he works so hard, he deals with so much stress'. And I'm sure you saw what she would say about the sexual abuse," you said, motioning towards the papers on her desk.

Madeline sighed and looked down at a copy of your statement.

"Yes, I did see that. Can I ask you a difficult question?" You let out a dry laugh.

"Just one?" you asked, and she smiled.

"Did you father ever abuse her or you growing up?" she asked gently. You sat back in your chair, deep in thought.

"Well, definitely not me, but I don't know about her. If he did, it was behind closed doors."

"Was there anything that you maybe saw or heard to make you think that would be a possibility?" she pushed.

"I mean, my dad has a temper. He would shout a lot, fly off the handle over little things, but I don't remember him ever calling either one of us names or hitting my mom."

Madeline nodded as she jotted down a note on her legal pad.

"I'm just trying to find a reason why she would think the way Patrick treated you was acceptable," she explained.

"Oh, right," you said, racking your brain for anything that would give an insight into your mom's response. "I never thought to ask. I was so wrapped up in my own shit, it never occurred to me that she might have been going through something, too." That guilt that never seemed to go away began to stir deep in your belly once again.

"Well, I'll do whatever you're comfortable with," Madeline said, tapping her pen lightly on her legal pad. "If you'd like me to reach out, I will. If you prefer to talk to her first or leave her out of it entirely, I'll stand by your choice. But in my professional opinion, I think it's worth exploring, and if I don't think she would make a good witness once we talk, we can always let it go."

"She doesn't even know where I am," you said softly, more to yourself than anything. "We obviously don't have a very good relationship. When I left, I didn't tell anybody where I was going. I only told my cousin I was leaving so my family wouldn't think I died or was kidnapped or something."

Madeline nodded, listening closely. You loved that about her: you always felt like you were being heard whenever you spoke.

"Why don't you sleep on it and let me know what you decide," she said, and you agreed, watching her flip through her other notes. "As far as the divorce petition goes, Patrick didn't respond. No surprise there."

"What does that mean?" you asked, inching forward in your chair.

"He still is allowed some time to acknowledge it. Specifically, 30 days since he was served, so he has a few more days. If I still don't hear anything, we can file for a default divorce. If we do that, Patrick will give up his rights. Obviously beneficial for you, definitely not for him, so I anticipate a response at that point."

"Okay, that sounds good," you said, feeling a bit of relief. Regardless of how this will go, the end will be the same: you will be free.

There was a soft knock at the door behind you, causing Madeline to look up in surprise, then smiled and waved in the guest. Turning around in your seat, you saw a tall, beautiful woman with warm, brown skin and perfectly styled curly, dark hair enter the room. Madeline stood from her chair, and you followed as Madeline reached an arm out to the woman to introduce her.

"This is Michelle, she's one of the firm's partners."

Michelle shook your hand, her grip firm, and she gave you a dazzling smile.

"Oh, wow, it's so nice to meet you," you said. "I can't thank you enough for taking on my case. This is life changing for me, you have no idea."

"Don't mention it, we're happy to help," she replied, her smile still plastered across her face.

"I didn't realize you were in the office today?" Madeline asked, pulling Michelle's attention from you.

"I was supposed to be in court but the guy ended up pleading guilty last minute. Love when that happens," she said to you with a wink, and you smiled. She glanced around the office quickly before turning back to you and Madeline. "Just you today?"

You paused at first, not understanding what she was asking, and then Madeline stepped in.

"Joel's out of town at the moment," she said to Michelle, and you couldn't stop yourself from frowning. How would Madeline know that?

"Oh, that's a shame. I was hoping to run into him, I haven't seen him in a while. Thought we could catch up," Michelle said, another wide smile spreading across her face, revealing perfect, white teeth. Catch up?

Madeline smiled back but you thought you could see some tension behind her eyes. Or maybe your insecurities were getting the best of you, yet again.

"How do you know Joel?" you asked, and hoped you didn't come off as defensive as you felt.

Michelle gave a soft chuckle and leaned against Madeline's desk.

"So sorry, you're probably confused. I'm sure he didn't mention it because he didn't want you to feel indebted to him since we took your case pro bono under his suggestion," she said, and you blinked rapidly, trying to keep up. "We were together for a long time. Almost got married, actually, but then I got a promotion out here with a different law firm and he didn't want to move... I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear about ancient history," she said with a laugh.

You tried your best to smile in return but you were fairly certain you couldn't move. You felt like the walls were closing in and you could barely hear what she was saying. Fortunately, Madeline swooped in and distracted Michelle while you tried to get your bearings. Slumping back down in your chair, you tried to remember how to breathe without looking like you ran a marathon. How could he not tell you about this?

Glancing back up at her, you examined her features as she spoke with Madeline. High cheekbones, curly hair, athletic build... the question slipped out before you even had a chance to think.

"You must be Sarah's mom."

The two women stopped talking immediately. Michelle looked down at you in your chair and finally you saw that perfect smile crack. Something told you bringing up Sarah was a sore subject, and that nasty, jealous part of you felt good.

Michelle forced a wider smile and tucked an imaginary stray hair behind her ear.

"Yes, actually. I didn't realize he told you about Sarah," she said, her eyes drifting back to Madeline, who just stared right back at her.

"You look so much alike," you told her, your throat tightening. "You must be so proud of her."

Another awkward silence filled the room.

Michelle looked like she was about to reply when her cell phone rang, and you could have sworn she looked relieved.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this. It was a pleasure to meet you," she said, and you actually managed a small smile. The two of you listened to Michelle's high heels click loudly against the wooden floor as she made her way out, answering the phone with an authoritative tone when she stepped back out into the hall.

You and Madeline looked at one another for a moment, each of you not knowing what to say.

"Does she know about me and Joel?" you blurted out. "I mean, you know... that we used to have a personal relationship?"

Madeline chuckled and took her glasses off.

"I didn't think she needed to know," she said, offering you a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't know she would be here today," she added with a sigh.

"Did..." you swallowed but your throat felt like sand. "Was my case picked because of their relationship?"

"Oh, no. Not directly, anyway," she said, shaking her head.

"What do you mean?"

"The partners vote on which cases are picked pro bono, so they all have to agree. I can't say one way or another if she helped sway their decision, but I do know the partners in this firm care about helping people. They see cases like yours and they truly want to help. So regardless, just know they are good people who want to see you get the justice you deserve."

You leaned back in your chair, stunned. Would Joel have asked his ex to do you a favor? And then not even tell you? Is that why he's been icing you out? Maybe he was having second thoughts about your relationship. Maybe he changed his mind but can't figure out how to let you down gently.

Stop spiraling. He's not icing you out.

Oh, but it really felt like he was in that moment, and you could feel your insecurities winning the fight.

The last few minutes of your appointment was spent reviewing what you had discussed that day and a reminder to think about the topic of your mother, but all you wanted to do was get the hell out of that building as soon as possible. Once you finally got back to the safety of your little car in the dark parking garage, you finally let the tears fall.

The drive home was long and quiet. Your mind was still spinning with the information about Michelle, and as hard as you tried to put it out of your mind, it kept creeping back in against your will. She was pretty. She was so pretty and smart and fit. She reminded you a little bit of Nikki - beautiful, tall, confident. They seemed so different from you. What in the world did Joel see in you if Michelle and Nikki were the types of women he usually went after?

Your phone began to ring in your bag. Reaching over to the passenger's seat, you rifled through your purse blindly, eyes still on the road, fingers searching and finally finding your phone.

You had to do a double take when you saw it was Joel calling.

Staring at the road, you listened to your phone ring over and over, your finger hovering over the little green button on the touch screen, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. It finally stopped ringing and with a sigh of relief, you dropped it into your cup holder.

You knew if you had answered the phone, you would have been irrational. You needed time to think, so you slid the bar down on the side of your phone to silence your calls.

Where the hell was he, anyway? Why wouldn't he have told you he was leaving? And why did Madeline know? If he had time to tell Madeline, he could have had time to tell you, too. You wanted to ask her, but in your hurry to get out after meeting Michelle, you forgot.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw your phone light up in the cupholder, and because you had no self control, you picked it up to take a quick peek.

Joel: How did everything go with Maddy?

You scoffed and tossed your phone back into your purse so you wouldn't be tempted to look again until you got home. To force your mind off it, you spent the rest of the drive thinking about Madeline's request to ask your mother to testify. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to call her. Maybe her views have changed. Perhaps she gained some clarity on your situation since you ran. You obviously wouldn't have done that unless things were really bad. Maybe she just didn't realize the severity of the situation.

You really wished you could run this by Joel, but that stubborn part of you absolutely refused.

By the time you arrived home, your muscles sore from sitting in the car for so long, you had decided you would give your mom a call. Just to test the waters. And depending on how it went, you would decide if you wanted to ask her to testify.

Joel sat in a rental car, staring out the window blankly while he fidgeted with his phone. Why weren't you answering your phone? Maybe you were driving and you couldn't hear it. He was fighting the urge to call Maddy to see if you had made it to Austin in one piece. The only thing holding him back was his concern that she would pick up on something in his voice when he spoke about you. He had told Maddy the two of you were over, and at the time, it was true. But now the lines were blurred and it was becoming difficult for him to hide his feelings. It must be written all over his face. Even you could see it, which terrified him at first, but then you climbed into his lap in his truck and his fear melted away, leaving only his exposed heart and his very real, very intense feelings for you on full display.

Those feelings were exactly why he found himself on the seedy side of downtown Philadelphia, staring at subsidized housing with sirens wailing in the distance. He pulled out the piece of paper from his pocket and checked the address again before tucking his gun into the back of his pants and sliding his shield into his pocket, then opening the car door and stepping out.

It was colder in Pennsylvania than he expected. It wasn't quite snowing, but the wind carried tiny flecks of white. Not enough to accumulate, but enough where he felt the cold deep in his bones. He walked up the path towards the housing unit, glancing around to confirm he was alone before looking back down at the paper in his hand.

Nina Hoffman.

He approached the first unit and scanned the numbers on the doors before moving on, then stopping when he found the correct number and knocking firmly on the door. He turned around, watching as two young men eyed him suspiciously as they walked by. Once they were out of sight, Joel knocked again, louder this time.

"C'mon," he muttered under his breath, then rubbed his hands together, trying to warm up as he waited. He was about to give up when he heard some shuffling on the other side of the door. He straightened up and stepped back, then gave his most charming smile to the small pair of eyes that peered out at him through the crack in the door.

"Afternoon," Joel said with a nod. "Would you happen to be Nina?"

The eyes raked up and down his body and stopped at the bulge on his back.

"Who's asking?" her raspy voice replied.

"Sorry, miss. My name's Joel. Joel Miller. You don't know me, but I think we have someone in common," he replied, her eyes still glued to the gun he had concealed under his coat.

"Who?"

Joel took a deep breath, bracing for her reaction.

"Sergeant Patrick-"

She went to slam the door in his face but he was faster. He stuck his foot in the door as she kept pushing back, trying to apply enough pressure to make him move, but he just wedged himself into the crack further.

"I ain't who you think I am," he said, but Nina ignored him.

"Get the fuck out of here! I dropped the charges!" she cried out, and Joel tried to shush her until he realized fights like this likely happened all the time in areas like this and wouldn't draw as much attention from neighbors.

"I wanna help you! There's more victims!" he told her through gritted teeth as she slammed the door against his leg over and over. At last, she stopped yelling and paused, and he took a deep breath. "I believe you," he continued. "And I think I can help you."

"Move your leg," she told him, and Joel dropped his head in defeat.

"Please, just hear me out-"

"I will. You gotta move your leg so I can undo the goddamn chain," she replied, sounding annoyed.

"Oh, right," Joel said, then pulled his leg out from the crack in the door. She shut it and he heard the metal chain slide through the lock before she twisted the knob again, opening the door wider and revealing herself for the first time. She looked to be around your age, blonde hair that looked like it needed to be washed, and blue eyes that were bloodshot.

"You just gonna stand there or you wanna come inside?" she said, turning on her heel and walking into the apartment, leaving the door wide open. He glanced around behind him once again, still reeling from her change in demeanor, before stepping inside and shutting the door.

You had been on the phone with your mom for nearly thirty minutes as you stared up blankly at your ceiling, listening to her drone on and on about your aunt and her newest boyfriend. Maybe you should have waited until you were more well rested to call her. The drive back from Austin was exhausting, but in an effort to avoid calling Joel, you called your mother instead. Once she got over the initial surprise, she launched into catching you up on all the drama you had missed, and you were beginning to wonder if she even gave a shit about your well-being. Not once had she asked why you left without a word or even how you were doing. She either didn't care or she already assumed the answers for herself. You weren't sure if it was the exhaustion or all the information that had been thrown at you that day, but for once you decided to stand up for yourself and fucking say something.

"Mom, I called to talk to you. It's important," you said, cutting her off, and she paused on the other end of the phone.

"I figured there was a reason you finally reached out," she replied. You picked up on the edge to her voice and you rolled your eyes. Great start.

"It's about Patrick," you began, not letting her tone sway you.

"What about him, sweetie? Is he doing okay?"

You had to take a deep breath and steady yourself before replying. Is Patrick doing okay?? What about you?

"Actually, no. He's in jail," you said, and she gasped. "For attacking me and another cop in town."

"Attacking? What do you mean?" she asked, and you scoffed.

"Attacking me like he's been doing for years, Mom," you said, sliding your eyes shut.

"Oh honey, you didn't actually call the police on him, did you? I told you, you need to watch what you say. You always have a way of pushing people's buttons, ever since you were little-"

"Mom! Stop!" you shouted, and she immediately went quiet. A dull beep echoed in your ear and you pulled your phone away to look at the screen. Joel was calling again. You clenched your jaw and rejected the call before putting the phone back up to your ear. "This is serious, okay? He raped me. He hits me and emotionally abuses me and I've had enough. I'm pressing charges and we're going to trial soon, and my lawyer wanted me to reach out to you and see if you would be willing to testify on my behalf."

The words rushed out of you faster than you expected, but once they were out in the open, you felt a wave of relief, but the dead silence on the other end of the call made you feel nervous again.

"He has his whole career in front of him. You're really doing this?" she said quietly, and if you didn't know any better, she sounded mad.

"What?" you asked incredulously.

"Everything with you is so dramatic," she said with a sigh. "I don't know what fairy tale you have in your head, but life is tough sometimes. Marriage is tough. It's hard work but you made a commitment to him. His job is very stressful. The last thing he wants is a wife at home who expects flowers and sunshine every time he opens the door."

Your mouth hung open in shock as you listened to her prattle on.

"He went down there to fight for you and this is how you repay him?" she continued as the tears began to burn the backs of your eyes.

"How did you-"

"He provides for you, doesn't he? You don't even have to work. All you need to do is be a homemaker and a mother. Do you know how many women would love to be in your shoes?"

"I never said I wanted any of that," you said, and you heard her scoff on the other end.

"Of course you don't. You've always had some silly fantasies in your head but this is real life. Relationships aren't like the movies. Men aren't looking to trip over themselves to make you happy. Marriage takes work. It's a give and take, and all you ever do is take."

You closed your eyes as the tears began to fall. She was wrong. You wanted to scream it at her, rub it in her face that someone was willing to trip over themselves for you.

"So I take it you won't be testifying on my behalf," you said after a moment of silence.

"You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out of it."

Then the line went dead.

You dropped the phone next to you onto the couch and sobbed into the palms of your hands. What did you need to say to make your mother understand? Was there even a point in trying anymore? Maybe Madeline was right. Something must have happened to your mother to make her think this way, because you knew now that love wasn't meant to cause pain.

A month ago, you probably would have believed her. But now, after seeing what Joel was willing to do for you, you knew better.

Suddenly, you felt foolish for reacting the way you did about Michelle. Regret clawed at your ribs as you thought about all the ignored calls and texts from him. Sitting up on the couch, you wiped your nose with the back of your hand and picked up your phone. With shaky fingers, you tapped on his contact and dialed his number, chewing on your bottom lip as the phone rang and rang until you got his voicemail. You hung up without leaving a message, the guilt tearing you in two.

Joel did so much for you and you repaid him by throwing a tantrum because of an old relationship.

As you turned on your TV, flipping through the channels to try to find some mindless show to distract you, hoping Joel would give you another chance and call you back, you thought about your conversation with your mother.

Maybe she was right. Maybe you were too dramatic. Selfish girl.

You just hoped you could still fix it and didn't ruin the only good thing you had going for you.

Loud pounding on your front door jolted you awake with your heart slamming in your chest. Fear and confusion ripped through you as you sat up and blinked quickly, looking around. You fell asleep on your couch, your TV playing infomercials now as the clock on the wall ticked closer to three in the morning.

The pounding on the door picked up again and you scrambled to your feet. Your first thought was Patrick, but logic slowly seeped into your brain when you remembered he was in a jail cell in Austin.

Gripping your phone tightly in your hand, you cautiously made your way down the stairs, ears straining to listen for any type of hint as to who was on the other side of the door.

You opened the door a crack and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw Joel waiting.

"Jesus Christ," he breathed out as he rubbed his chest absentmindedly. You opened the door all the way and sleepily waved him inside. "What the hell? Why aren't you answerin' any of my calls?" he asked, and for the first time you began to pick up on the worry in his voice.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled, looking down at your phone, now noticing he had called and texted you several times since you had fallen asleep. "I tried calling you earlier-"

"I was gettin' on a plane," he said, shutting the door behind him before scooping you into his arms for a hug. "You fuckin' scared me," he whispered into your hair, and you squeezed your eyes shut.

"I'm sorry," you said again, your voice breaking this time. He pulled back and cupped your face, searching your eyes and realizing you were on the verge of tears.

"What happened? Why have you been cryin'?" he asked you softly, his thumbs brushing gently underneath your swollen eyes. You dropped your gaze and shook your head with shame. "C'mon, let's go upstairs, we gotta talk 'bout what's been goin' on."

He tugged on your hand and led you up the steps, tears still burning in your eyes as you tried to hold them back, your eyes scratchy and dry from already crying too much earlier that evening.

"It's so late," you began, but you could see his body was practically vibrating with energy. "Did your plane just get in?"

"Yeah," he said, shrugging off his coat as he began to pace your living room. You sunk back down into your couch, pulling your knees up to your chest as you watched him dart back and forth.

"Where were you, Joel?" you finally asked softly, and he paused in the middle of your living room. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving town? I was so worried-"

"There wasn't enough time. I had to figure out arrangements for Sarah and reschedule that meeting with her teacher at school... it was all too fast," he rambled, not catching your eye as he spoke.

"You couldn't at least send a text when you were at the airport or something?" you asked, not allowing him to make up excuses. "I had to find out from Maria you were gone. Even Madeline knew-"

"Madeline?" he repeated, finally dragging his eyes up to meet yours. "What'd she say?"

You huffed and crossed your arms, trying to fight the spiteful response that was clawing its way to your lips.

"She didn't tell me anything," you said, watching his face carefully. His gaze drifted away, lost in thought before you added "I just happened to be there when Michelle asked where you were."

Joel's eyes snapped back up to yours in an instant and he felt his stomach twist. You could see the myriad of emotions flitting across his face as he processed what you just said.

"What?" he whispered, his throat tight, his heart pounding loudly in his ears.

"Michelle," you repeated calmly. "Sarah's mom."

His eyes squeezed shut and he rubbed them aggressively with the heels of his palms. He could feel the heat rising from his chest and up his neck, and he tried to take deep breaths to quell the panic, but it was no use.

"Why-" he began to ask but he was finding it difficult to speak. He bent forward at the waist, his hands on his knees as he shook his head from side to side, trying to shake the sudden dizzy spell. He had been up for too long. He didn't eat enough. The altitude from the plane... something was making him feel faint.

"Joel?" you asked, standing up when you noticed something was wrong. You reached your hands out to grip his shoulders, trying to steady him as he struggled to drag in air. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he rasped, but he weakly slumped to the floor in your living room. "Just... dizzy."

"Should I call an ambulance?" you asked, your voice higher than usual. You fumbled with your phone but he managed to reach out and grab your arm.

"No, just... water," he told you, and you jumped up, racing to the kitchen for a bottle of water. You shakily unscrewed the cap and joined him on the floor, bringing the bottle to his lips and letting him take slow sips until his vision cleared and his breathing returned to normal.

You nervously watched him, your phone still ready to call for paramedics if he passed out, but the color slowly began to return to his face the more water he managed to drink. You inched forward, your hands hovering over him, not sure what to do.

"What was that?" you whispered, and he took a deep breath and shook his head.

"I don't know."

You nodded, your lips forming a tight line as you kept a close eye on him. Minutes ticked by as you waited for him to do something or say something, too worried to say anything yourself and risk causing another episode. Scooting closer to him on the floor, you rubbed his back, and his eyes fluttered closed as he leaned into your touch.

"Why was Michelle there?" he finally asked, eyes still shut.

"She came into my meeting with Madeline. She wanted to meet me and she asked about you," you told him, dropping the attitude now.

"But why was she... there? She doesn't work there, she works at a firm on the other side of the city," he said, finally opening his eyes and then it dawned on you: of course he didn't keep her a secret from you. He didn't even know himself.

"She's a partner there," you said, swallowing nervously as the guilt gnawed away at your insides. "She said you didn't tell me so I wouldn't feel indebted to you since they took my case pro bono."

"What?" he asked angrily as he furrowed his brow. "That's not true. I had no fuckin' clue, you gotta believe me-"

"I believe you," you told him, your hand sliding to the back of his neck. His gaze drifted to a blank spot on the wall as he struggled to catch up with the new information you just dumped on him.

"No wonder you were ignorin' me," he mumbled, and you felt your face heat up, embarrassed for acting like such a child and not just asking him about it in the first place.

"I'm so sorry, Joel," you said, tears welling up in your eyes again. "I really did try to call you earlier. I should have heard you out before getting all jealous and nasty."

"Don't be jealous," he said, locking eyes with you again. "Nothin' to be jealous 'bout. That ship with her sailed years ago." He brought his hand up to gently pinch your chin and gave you a small smile. "Haven't even spoken to her in years. I got no idea why she'd even want to see me."

Leaning forward, you gently slotted your lips over his, breathing in deep and inhaling his familiar scent. The same scent you chased after it faded from your sheets.

"You gotta talk to me, baby," he reminded you quietly after he pulled away and pressed his forehead against yours.

"I know, I'm sorry," you told him, a single tear trickling down your cheek. "Today was so awful and I just missed you so much."

"C'mere," he murmured, pulling you into his lap, your face burying itself into his neck.

"Where were you?" you asked him again, realizing for the first time he never answered you, and he took a deep breath.

"Philadelphia."

Your eyes went wide and you flung yourself upright in his lap.

"What? Why?"

He caressed your chin and gave you a sad look, his eyes red and tired as his shoulders weakly slumped forward.

"There's other victims."

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shellbilee · 7 months ago

Note

Hello fellow Aussie! 🇦🇺❤️

It’s my birthday today and I was wondering if I could put in a request for a Glen Powell fic?

Maybe they’ve been doing long distance for a while (they met when she was in the US from Australia for a holiday) and Glen decides to surprise her with him turning up at her door for her birthday or something?

If you can’t..it’s all good 😊

Have a good night! 😁

I am a week late, but happy birthday Queen! I hope you had the greatest day and got absolutely spoilt rotten.

Apologies to all my Hey There Darlin' readers, the next chapter update was delayed because I wanted to put this together for my favourite fellow Aussie. (Next chapter will be up ASAP).

So here's my little gift to you @queenslandlover-93, which would never be enough to thank you for all of your constant support on my work. Much love to you sweets!🩵

---

One Afternoon in Austin

A Glen Powell RPF One Shot Pairing: Glen Powell x Reader Words: 5.5K

You glance down at your phone for the hundredth time, inhaling a long breath when you see no new notifications on the screen.

You sigh, lips stretching into a somber smile at the sight of your two smiling faces pictured on your home screen.

God you missed him.

It had been 18 whole hours since you'd spoken to Glen - not since he'd face timed you at 12.01am, determined to be the first to wish you a happy birthday. You'd answered within three rings, feeling your whole body warm when his gorgeous face appeared on the screen, teeth flashing in the effortlessly handsome, all-American smile that you loved so much.

Glen.

Even ten months later, you still hadn't quite gotten used to the fact that you were dating Glen Powell, and if you were being honest, you weren’t sure you ever would. If someone had told you a year ago that you’d be in a serious relationship with one of Hollywood’s most eligible bachelors, you'd have snorted and laughed out loud.

You'd met Glen when you were solo traveling through the USA last June. You'd been about halfway through your twelve week trip, having started high on the west coast and working your way down South and across, making it to Texas. The plan had been to spend a few days there, first in Austin, then Houston and a couple of other places, before moving onto Louisiana to New Orleans.

Two days into your Austin visit - staying in a modern little air BnB not far from the city, you'd been coming back from a run through the suburbs when you'd come across a little tan and white dog standing alone on the sidewalk. You remembered stopping and looking around, waiting to see if anyone would appear, hoping that someone was walking their dog off lead and hadn't caught up yet. No one appeared to be out searching for it, the surrounding houses seemingly quiet.

You'd knelt down and whistled for the dog, smiling when it wandered over to you immediately, tail wagging and panting happily. You'd cooed at the tiny animal, patting its fluffy head, sitting down on the grass beside it so you could get a better view of its collar.

The dog's name had turned out to be Brisket, a fact you'd found both adorable and amusing, flipping over the metallic name tag to find a phone number engraved on the other side. Deciding that Brisket must have wandered out of his yard and was now lost, you'd picked up the tiny dog and walked the rest of the distance home to your air BnB. Letting Brisket out into your yard, you’d gotten him some water and set about calling the number from his name tag, sitting down on the back porch next to him as you’d listened to the phone ring.

The phone had ended up ringing through to voicemail, and you’d soon discovered that Brisket’s owner was a man named Glen with a deep Texan accent. You still remembered smiling at the sound of his voice, some part of you internally swooning as you listened to him tell you to leave a message after the tone.

You’d left a quick message, telling him your name and how you’d found Brisket, and that you’d brought him home with you to get him out of the afternoon heat. You’d sent a quick text as well, detailing the same, in case he was otherwise indisposed and unable to take a call.

Fifteen minutes later you’d been relaxing on the backyard grass with a trashy romance novel, Brisket snoozing peacefully by your side, when your phone had started ringing. Immediately recognising the number as Glen, you’d answered, not at all surprised to hear a panicked voice greeting you instead of the calm, easy going one that had spoken to you in a voicemail.

You’d reassured him that Brisket was fine, healthy and laying happily by your side, explaining that you didn’t have a car, but that you could get an uber to wherever he needed. Glen had offered to come to you but you’d politely declined, not entirely comfortable with giving your address to a stranger when you were traveling solo, instead asking where he was and insisting that you’d go to him. You’d soon discovered on your maps that he was only a ten minute drive from your air BnB, promising that you’d be there soon and that he had no reason to worry about Brisket as he’d thanked you profusely.

Exactly twenty-three minutes later your Uber had arrived at what you could only describe as a modern Texas mansion, and you remembered the way your jaw had instantly dropped as your eyes had run over the sheer expanse of the property. Telling the Uber driver to stay put, you’d lifted Brisket into your arms and made your way up the palatial driveway, feeling the beginnings of sweat at the back of your neck from the hot Summer afternoon as you’d knocked on the enormous wooden door.

The Texan royalty, as it turns out, was Glen Powell.

You remembered eyeing off the huge black Ram in the driveway, an expensive black SUV and a smaller white BMW next to it, deciding that you must have stumbled onto some kind of Texan royalty judging by the house and cars in front of you. You’d chuckled to yourself at the thought just as you’d heard the sound of the front door opening, turning around to find a sight that you’d not at all been prepared for.

You’d tried your best not to stumble over your words, certain you looked like a gaping goldfish as you'd introduced yourself and passed a happily wrigging Brisket over to him, thankful for your sunglasses as you’d looked back at him. You remembered thinking that he somehow looked even more handsome in person than he did on screen - a fact that you didn’t think was at all possible, assuring him that it was no problem when he’d thanked you again for finding Brisket. It had taken everything you had not to audibly moan at the sight of him, hoping that your blatant staring wasn’t totally obvious as you took in his stubbled beard and effortlessly charming smile, golden tanned skin and thick, muscled arms.

God.

What you hadn’t known, and would eventually discover weeks later, was that Glen was just as shocked to find you when he had opened his front door - a gorgeous young woman standing alone with a smile that had quite literally stopped him in his tracks and left him momentarily lost for words.

He’d thanked you again and you’d promised him that it was really no issue at all, offering a small wave as you’d turned to make your way back to your waiting Uber. Just when you'd been thinking that meeting Glen Powell had to be the highlight of your trip, you'd heard Glen call out your name and tell you to wait. You remembered turning around to face him then, only to find him taking a step towards you with Brisket still in his arms.

He’d proceeded to ask if you'd wanted to come in for a drink, adding that he had to somehow thank you for finding Brisket. You'd declined of course, reasoning that you had to get back to your Uber - and even now you could still remember the distinct feeling of every single fiber of your body screaming at you to reconsider as Glen continued to insist you stay.

“Please come in?”

He’d asked again, the look on his face making it near impossible to say no, emphasizing that the least he could do was offer you a drink and temporary reprieve from the afternoon heat. You remembered standing there for a moment, seemingly frozen in place, weighing up your potential options.

Get back in the Uber and go back to your air BnB.

Or;

Take up the offer for a drink with one of the most attractive men you’d ever met.

Thinking back to that moment now, you wondered how you ever possibly considered otherwise.

Giving in to Glen, you'd jogged back to the Uber and thanked him for waiting, telling him he could go before making your way back to Glen at the front door. It was at that moment that you’d felt Glen’s eyes on you - running subtly over your figure, suddenly becoming self conscious that you were still sporting the shorts and tank activewear combo you’d worn on your run earlier.

On the transcript of your life, this was certainly not the outfit you’d envisioned wearing if you ever came across a gorgeous Hollywood celebrity.

Anyway.

He’d invited you in and you’d accepted gratefully, instantly thankful for the cool of the air conditioner as you followed him down the enormous hallway. He’d since put Brisket down, the tiny dog now happily trotting alongside his owner, the sight making you long for Flynn, your three year old Australian Shepherd dog back home.

The sound of voices at the end of the hallway made you stop in your tracks, Glen turning around and looking back at you concerned. You’d stammered wide eyed, telling him you didn’t want to interrupt if he had people over, instantly feeling like an intruder despite Glen’s genuine insistence that you weren’t. He’d stepped towards you then - close enough that you remembered the exact moment the scent of his sweet cologne hit you, his sage green eyes looking back at you earnestly and promising that you weren’t interrupting, that it was just his family that was over for a barbecue.

That new information had sent an instant tidal wave of nervousness crashing down your spine, your heartbeat immediately heavy in your ears. Now not only were you being invited into Glen Powell’s home, you were also seconds away from spontaneously meeting his family.

Fuck.

You remembered laughing then - a short, giddy bubble of laughter, Glen’s face splitting into a smile as you did so. Your laugh had been one of incredulousness, your brain unable to fathom the situation that you were currently in.

Of all the things you’d imagined you’d do whilst on your solo travels, this was most certainly not one of them.

Glen had gestured with his hand for you to follow him and somehow your frozen feet were able to oblige, the hallway opening up into an expansive open kitchen and living area, complete with enormous glass french doors that opened onto a luxury deck and pool outside.

You remembered not knowing where to look first - at the enormous turquoise pool, or the insanely stunning view of rolling hills and a lake behind it, the luxury styled interior of the house or the adorable little blonde girl in her swimmers that was staring curiously at you from the back doorway.

Almost immediately she’d spoken, pointing and asking her uncle Glen very loudly who you were, her voice making the rest of the people outside stop and look inside. You remembered your face flaming then, embarrassment flushing your skin as you'd fought the urge to sprint back towards the front door.

You didn’t have a fear of public speaking but in that moment it felt like you had spontaneously developed one.

Glen had informed his niece - who you’d soon discovered was named Gwen, of your name and explained that you were the girl that had found Brisket and brought him home, an older lady suddenly appearing from somewhere inside the house and clapping her hands happily when she’d spied Brisket at Glen’s feet.

As it turned out, it was Lauren’s and Will’s house - Glen’s sister and brother in law, and Witt, their son and twin brother of Gwen, had accidentally opened the back gate and Brisket had wandered out, unbeknownst to everyone at the barbecue. Glen, who had just finished grilling had whistled for Brisket to offer him a cut off of steak, only to find that Brisket had gone missing and that the back gate was open. Just as everyone had scrambled to find keys to go out and look for him, Glen had picked up his phone and seen the text from you, prompting everyone to relax knowing that Brisket was safe.

The lady had turned out to be Glen’s mother Cindy, Glen immediately introducing the two of you as she offered her own thanks for finding Brisket before pulling you in for a hug.The gesture had taken you by surprise but offered a surprising amount of comfort, the nervousness that had your knees threatening to give way slowly easing.

Fifteen minutes later, you’d been introduced to the entire Powell family and were seated on an outdoor lounge by the pool next to Glen’s younger sister Leslie, wine in hand and nominated an additional judge of the pool diving contest between Gwen, Witt and their dad Will. You’d clapped and laughed your way through it, thankful for your sunglasses for the second time in less than twenty minutes when Glen had taken his shirt off and joined as a fourth participant in the contest.

God.

You remembered biting the inside of your cheek so hard you’d drawn blood, using every ounce of strength you had to look away when Glen had emerged from the pool, water droplets sliding down his golden, muscled form.

Later you'd found yourself sitting and talking with Glen’s other sister Lauren and his dad Glen Senior, telling them all about your trip in the US so far and how you’d come to find yourself in Texas. They in turn had asked you about yourself and you’d shared about your home back in Australia, your job, Flynn and your family, Glen coming to join at some point later sitting down on the lounge beside you with a drink refill.

You’d talked and laughed with the Powell’s for the rest of the afternoon, all of your nerves from earlier having seemingly disappeared. It was like you’d known them all for months rather than only an hour, feeling right at home with the bubbly, extraverted, Texan family. They’d asked you about your plans for the remainder of the trip, offering their own tips and recommendations for the rest of your time in Texas which you’d accepted gratefully, making mental notes to adjust your itinerary.

Eventually the afternoon had faded into early evening, Glen Senior and Cindy saying their goodbyes and wishing you all the best for the rest of your trip, Leslie following suit soon after and making you promise that you’d say goodbye before you left Texas.

You’d grabbed your bag announcing that you should probably get home too, Glen interrupting and insisting that he’d take you on his way back home. You knew better than to decline his offer, concluding that based on the day you’d had there was no reasoning with him. You’d said your goodbyes to Lauren and Will, thanking them for their hospitality for the afternoon, comforting Gwen with a hug when she’d gotten teary at you leaving - the two of you having bonded earlier when you’d told her that her diving was as good as a dolphin's and she’d told you that they were her favourite animal.

Glen had driven you home then, the two of you settling into a comfortable silence, Brisket snoozing peacefully on your lap in the passenger seat. Pulling up to your air BnB, Glen had asked what your plans were for tomorrow and you’d informed him that you hadn’t quite decided yet - but you were tossing up between going out to see Lake Travis, or heading out into the hills to visit the country sights.

Flashing you a smile that had made you momentarily lose your train of thought, Glen had offered you an alternative option - let him take you out for the day to show you a side of Austin from a local’s point of view. You remembered staring back at him then, your brain trying to ascertain whether or not you were dreaming that Glen Powell had just asked you to spend the day with him, looking at his perfectly handsome face and uttering an animated yes to his proposal.

He'd kissed you on the cheek and wished you a goodnight, telling you that he’d pick you up at ten AM before thanking you again for finding Brisket. You’d laughed and assured him for the tenth time that day that it was really no problem, thanking him for having you today and saying your own goodbye. He’d waited until you’d unlocked the door of your air BnB and you’d waved as you’d walked inside, your cheeks hurting from smiling as you’d closed the door behind you and leaned back against the wood.

Unbeknownst to you, the plans for the rest of your solo USA trip were about to be turned completely upside down.

The next day with Glen turned out to be everything you’d imagined and more, the two of you talking, flirting and laughing from the moment he’d picked you up. He’d started the day by driving the two of you out to Lake Travis where you’d spent the morning stand up paddleboarding, Glen showing you his favourite spots on the lake and telling you about his family’s lakeside ranch a few hours out of Austin. Next was lunch from what Glen had promised was ‘the best Texan barbecue house’ in all of Texas, ordering his favourite steak sandwiches which quickly became the best meal you’d eaten on your trip so far.

After lunch he’d taken you on a hike through one of Austin’s national parks, the end of which had brought you to one of the most incredible sights you’d ever seen - a waterfall that spilled over a huge bowl-shaped canyon into a large swimming hole below. Glen had convinced you to walk the perimeter through the cave-like canyon until you were standing beneath the falling water, looking up at the natural sight in awe as Glen had snapped several photos of you and then the two of you together.

Looking out at the sunset, sitting beside Glen with his arm around your shoulders, you remembered thinking that this day - a day that would forever go down as one of the best days of your life, couldn’t possibly have gotten any better.

After your hike he’d taken you over to wine country, where he’d introduced you to his good friends Daniel and Amy - owners of one of the most well-known vineyards and breweries in Fredericksburg. They’d given you a private tour of their venue before you’d sat down for drinks, looking out at the picturesque green vineyard and seemingly endless rolling hills, a stunning Texas sunset bathing everything in a gorgeous, orange glow.

And then, just like that, it had.

Glen had driven you back to your air BnB and you’d promptly invited him for a drink, not quite ready to end your day with him. He’d happily accepted your proposal, parking his truck and following you in, sitting down on the living room couch as you’d gotten you both a beer.

What followed was an evening of more stories and laughs, more flirting and mischievous teasing, the tension only growing between you as the night went on. Eventually though, as if neither of you could no longer fight it, Glen had leaned in and kissed you, his lips moving against yours with a soft, passionate want.

That passion quickly became tangible, like a craving neither of you could satisfy, lips and hands growing desperate until you’d both lost several items of clothing and Glen was asking where the bedroom was.

You remembered thinking in that moment - when Glen was carrying you to the bed, his lips pressing wet, open mouthed kisses to the hollow of your throat, that there would be no coming back from this. You’d sleep with Glen Powell, and tomorrow this would become nothing more than a fond memory for the both of you.

After all, he was a Hollywood celebrity and you weren’t.

He lived in Texas and you lived in Australia.

It would never work.

And so you’d decided, as Glen had laid you down on the bed and kissed his way down your body, that you’d forget all about tomorrow and just enjoy tonight.

Every single, sweaty second of it.

And all three delicious rounds of it.

When morning had arrived you’d fully expected to wake up to an empty bed, pleasantly surprised to instead find yourself wrapped in Glen's arms, his chest pressed firmly against your back. He'd felt you stirring, pressing gentle kisses to the back of your neck, his actions teasing soft moans from you that quickly turned into a tangle of sheets and naked limbs all over again.

What followed was two more days with Glen, the two of you spending almost all of your time together - him showing you all of his favourite things about his hometown, and even catching up with his sister Leslie again when she'd joined you both at a live music night that had ended with the two Powell's introducing you to line dancing. There'd been endless stories and laughs and adorable cuddles with Brisket, constant flirting and stolen kisses, and several more rounds of what had quickly become the best sex you'd ever had.

You'd proceeded to become only more and more infatuated with Glen, even despite the constant nagging feeling in the back of your mind telling you that this would soon all have to come to its inevitable end. You’d known that conversation was coming, like a looming tornado that threatening to destroy your happy bubble with Glen at any moment, and on your last night in Austin as you’d sat on Glen’s couch with Brisket on your lap and wine in hand, it finally happened.

You’d told him that it was okay, that you had no expectations of him and that you’d known all along that this was only ever going to be a vacation fling, assuring him that you’d loved every single second of your time and adventures together with him. Glen had been silent for a long moment then, looking back at you as he’d sat beside you on the couch with his gorgeous green eyes boring into your own, eventually taking your hand in his and telling you just how wrong you were.

He’d told you that he’d never before met a girl like you.

He'd told you that he’d never felt the way he had about someone he’d known for only three days.

He'd told you that he’d loved every single moment that you’d spent together and that he knew if he didn't tell you how he felt, he'd be forever wondering.

You swore in that moment that you’d forgotten how to breathe, your heart in your throat as you'd realized the implications of what Glen was saying to you.

You remembered wondering if you were really going to do this, if you could actually be in a relationship with Glen - in a relationship that was not only long distance, but also with a famous celebrity. You knew it would turn your world upside down and back to front a million times over, but the longer you’d looked back at Glen, getting lost in the gaze that was seemingly looking right through you, you’d realized that above all else, you were willing to try.

You’d fallen into his arms then, falling into one another over and over again, first on the couch, and then the shower, and then finally in his bed, eventually drifting off to sleep wrapped around one another as the evening ended and morning brought with it the inevitable tomorrow.

The rest of your trip had seemingly flown by, seeing the sights and experiencing the best of New Orleans, Jackson, Memphis and Nashville, making your way north to Boston and later New York where your twelve week trip would come to an end. Though those six weeks couldn’t compare to the time you’d spent with Glen in Austin and you’d missed him terribly, you’d spoken to him almost constantly throughout the rest of your travels - sending photos and videos, texting and face timing, following his advice and recommendations of the best places to go and see.

What you hadn’t known and would only find out upon checking into your hotel room when you’d arrived in New York, was that Glen had organized to fly up to surprise you. You remembered feeling like you’d won the lottery when the hotel concierge had advised that you’d received a complimentary room upgrade to a suite, and just as you’d thought that your trip couldn’t possibly have wrapped up any better, you’d opened the suite door to find Glen waiting for you.

When you’d finally gotten over the shock of seeing him again, after you’d jumped into his embrace and kissed him with all of the emotions that you’d held in since Austin, Glen had taken you out for a romantic night on the town - and continued to do the same for every night that followed for the rest of your trip.

Eventually your solo travels had come to an end, Glen kissing you tenderly and promising that you’d see each other again soon, holding you tight in his arms as you’d sat outside JFK airport on the day of your flight home. You remembered trying to take in everything about your last few minutes with Glen then - the smell of his cologne, the feel of his lips on your hair, the warmth of his chest as he held you pressed against him, desperate to prolong your last moments together not knowing when you’d next get the chance.

A tender goodbye that you swore you wouldn’t ruin with tears, one final kiss that you’d forever commit to memory and a promise that together you could make this work, you’d waved to Glen and made your way through the departure gates, boarding your flight home to Australia.

The months that followed had given you a new found respect for people in long distance relationships, missing Glen more than you thought possible - even with your constant communication. Some small part of you had expected your relationship to fizzle out a week after you’d arrived home - that your time with Glen would be nothing more than a memory, a story you told people about when they’d ask about your overseas travels, but just as you’d promised on your last day together, you and Glen had made it work.

He’d come to visit you three months after your trip, staying with you for two whole weeks in October. You'd shown him around your city in the same way he’d done with Austin, introducing him to your friends and eventually your family after your sister had all but begged to meet him, your dog Flynn loving Glen just as much as Brisket had you.

Those two weeks had been incredible, and as close to domestic bliss as you'd ever gotten, loving waking up to Glen each morning and falling asleep wrapped in his arms each night. Then there was the sex - both of you obviously desperate to make up for the three months apart, spending the first two days of his visit practically locked inside and christening every surface of your house.

All too soon it was time to say goodbye again, but not before you'd made plans to see each other for Christmas. You'd flown back to the states for the holidays two months later, the Powell family welcoming you back with open arms, Brisket especially happy to see you as he'd happily licked at your face. You’d gotten to experience your first ever Winter Christmas that year holing up at the Powell's family ranch, eating, drinking, dancing and laughing all the way through to New Years Eve, feeling nothing but love as you celebrated with Glen's sisters, parents and the twins.

The rest of that trip had gone by all too quickly, and soon you were saying your teary goodbyes all over again before you’d headed back home to Australia. This time you hadn't been able to plan your next visit with Glen - his latest film projects beginning and finally introducing you to life as a famous actor's girlfriend. You'd found yourself feeling consistently grateful for your job, friends and family then, their presence keeping your mind busy and away from thoughts of Glen’s chaotic schedule and the fact that you had no idea when you'd next get to see him.

It was at the Powell’s annual New Year's Eve party that Glen had told you he loved you, just as the clock had struck midnight and everyone had erupted into cheers of happiness. You remembered that moment vividly, your heart still racing whenever you thought about it, the two of you standing on the edge of the lake as Glen had wrapped you in his arms and kissed you, pulling away just enough so that he could whisper those three perfect words.

And so, that had brought you all the way to June - nearly five months since you'd last seen him, as Glen had worked insane hours on a four month long shoot for his newest movie. Alongside the Australian Winter, made worse by the fact that you missed your boyfriend more than you'd previously thought possible, June had also brought with it something else seemingly upsetting - your birthday, also known as your thirty second lap around the sun.

Still, your friends had pulled out all the stops to celebrate your day - your three closest girlfriends taking you out on a spa date complete with a full body massage, facial and pedicure, followed by a tasting and lunch at the most stunning of vineyards which had continued well into the early evening. Your boozy, extended lunch had later turned into dinner and cocktails at a rooftop bar in the city, which soon turned into singing and dancing at a nearby karaoke bar despite your vehement protesting.

That's how you'd come to find yourself sitting in the booth with one of your friends, looking down at your notification-less phone as the other two girls performed an intoxicated rendition of It’s Raining Men on stage.

Though the girls had spoiled and pampered you on your day, it hadn't quite been enough to completely take your thoughts off of Glen and that fact that you hadn't heard from him all day. You knew he was busy with his shoot - having since learned that sometimes they could go for several hours at a time, knowing that there were many occasions where he just wasn’t able to have his phone on him in the middle of all the chaos. Still, despite not hearing from him since the early hours of the morning, he'd still somehow managed to spoil you on your birthday - organizing your favourite coffee and breakfast to be delivered to your door this morning, alongside the biggest bunch of stunning red roses that you'd ever seen.

When you'd arrived at the winery for lunch later there'd been a second bunch of flowers, this one somehow bigger than the last, an exotic mix of eclectic tiger lillies and striking orchids, the colours bold, bright and beautiful. Alongside them had been a note, short and simple in the way that was classically Glen, telling you that he loved you with his whole heart and that he hoped you were having the best day with your friends for your birthday.

You and the girls had called it a night just before midnight, your own tipsy performance of Proud Mary signaling the end of your birthday. You kissed and thanked your girlfriends, incredibly grateful for the three of them in your life, waving goodbye to them in the taxi and making your way inside.

In any other circumstance, Flynn's lack of barking at your arrival would have alerted you to the idea that something was up, but in your several-drinks-too-many state you didn't quite pick up on that. So when you opened the front door to your house and found Glen standing in your kitchen looking back at you with the biggest smile on his face, all you could do was stare back at him momentarily - your brain a whirring mix of alcohol, surprise, overwhelm and love.

Eventually you separated enough that you could ask him what he was doing here and why he hadn't told you, Glen smiling and explaining between kisses that he was never going to not see you for your birthday. As it turned out he had the flight organized weeks ago, and had enlisted your friend's help to keep you busy while he made the long haul flight over, having planned all along to surprise you at the end of the night.

You ran at him then, bounding into his waiting arms and holding onto him with everything you had, burying your face in his neck as he whispered happy birthday baby in your hair. Depositing you on the kitchen bench he'd cupped your face and captured your lips in a tender kiss, both of you pouring all of the thoughts and emotions from your months apart into your intimate embrace.

Just as you launched into your next barrage of questions - about his latest project, about the film shoot, about his family and about Brisket, Glen had tilted your chin and silenced you with a slow, heavy kiss, the action leaving you breathless and momentarily lost for words.

“All of that can wait” Glen breathed, lips hovering over your own as his hand moved into your hair, “We’ll have time for questions later darlin’”.

“Later?” you asked, voice barely louder than a whisper, letting out a shaky breath when his free hand cupped the back of your bare thigh and pulled your body flush against his.

“Later” Glen affirmed, his silky voice low and his Texan accent thick, his intentions instantly clear when he rolled his hips into yours with a breathy, almost desperate groan, “First I’m gonna take you to bed and give my girl a proper happy birthday”.

---

TAG LIST FOR GLEN POWELL FICS:

@angclvings @auntiegigi @friedchips94 @memories-in-bw @maeleelee @jessicab1991 @bellaireland1981 @queenslandlover-93 @itsjustkhaos @kneelforloki @djs8891 @lovemesomevesey @entertainmentgirl80 @buckysteveloki-me @stankface @meldizzzle

#glen powell #glen powell fanfic #glen powell fic #glen powell series #glen powell smut #glen powell fluff #glen powell x ofc

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lyrenminth · 11 months ago

Text

Quiet love 3/?

The things went down from there. You avoided him more than ever while your grieved your friendship and your unrequited love. It was a big loss, so much that you asked money from your parents for a deposit. You contacted the external friend Lydia told you about, and she was looking for a roommate. Her name was Grace and she sounded kind by the phone. You didn't thought it was so bad. Since Justin was preparing for the games he was busy but you could tell he was avoiding you too and that hurt you even more. You stopped having dinner together and it was more like you hiding in your room or arriving late.

When you saw him, you were polite and distant.

The dynamic was killing you inside.

You started packing your things when Grace told you the previous roomate was leaving. You signed the lease to secure your exit. It was time to put your big girl pants.

One day your mom video called you, and she was worried.

"You don't feel comfortable in his house?" she asked.

"It's not that...I need my space. I can't be living in his house forever, mom" you explained. She bite her lip. "Please, respect my decisions"

"That's ok, but I don't want you to go homeless"

You laughed. "Don't worry about that"

"Holly wanted to talk to you" she lowered his voice. "She is worried about Justin"

You felt as if someone was throwing a bucket of cold water on you.

"Why?"

"Justin hasn't answer any calls or messages from anyone since a week ago. She didn't want to panic because the NFL is rough but that's a lot of time. And since you are living with him she wanted you to check on him" your mom explained. "Maybe the stress of the game is taking a toll on him"

You blinked. The Chargers weren't exactly winning but it wasn't that bad. They had a good record.

"Yeah, don't worry. I'm going to check on him"

"And how you are doing, darling?"

You smiled through the pain.

"Good I like my new job" you started "And California is great, I meet..."

You told your mom everything about the courses and your discoveries, but you mind was on Justin.

When you finished the call, you sent him a message. He was traveling for an away game so it was less likely to answer you but you tried anyway.

Hello

Your mom is worried bout you.

Be a good son and send her a message pls

For your suprise, he replied within minutes. It was ten pm.

I'll do

Thank you

The three dots appeared, and you looked at the screen expecting something but after a couple of seconds it stopped. And you heart broke more.

Losing a friend fucking sucks.

***

On Sunday, Justin got injured during the game. So you were worried about him and decided to stay a couple of days just to see how he was doing. You told Grace and Lydia about delaying moving in.

You were doing a favor to Holly and Mark while they arrived to L.A. His manager, Ashley was in the house at times too. You met a lot of people from his world. Coaches, therapists and assistants.

You realize how important he was for the team.

They always looked at you in surprise then look at Justin like saying "Who's this chick?" it was uncomfortable, but he never told them you were his friend or his lover either. You were just Y/N.

You made him breakfast often. The doctor was optimistic about the injury, he could move and do many things, but he was grumpy most of the time. Being out of the game was one of the things he hated the most. You helped him to stand up and drive him to the facility for his therapy.

"If you need something send me a message" you said, he was in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"Thank you"

"You welcome"

His eyes were speaking but you couldn't decipher the words.

"The boxes...are you leaving?" he struggled to say.

Did he checked your room? Why? Why does he always act like he cares?

"Yeah, I found a nice aparment"

"I- well, were you comfortable here?" his expression was unreadable.

"Yes, thank you for letting me stay" you grabbed your bag and looked at the clock. "Ashley must be here at anytime. I should go to work, you can change your diaper yourself, right?" you joked.

The truth was the injury made you feel less angry with him. It didn't matter that he didn't want you back, you didn't like to see him suffer. He was still an important person in your life, no matter how painful was to look at him now.

And you promise in middle school to have each other's backs.

"Yes, I'm an expert now" he replied, following the joke. You lingered in your place for a couple of seconds, just to see if he said something, but nope. So you said goodbye and left the house.

When you arrive at noon, Holly and Mark were there. You were so happy to see them too.

"Oh, it is so nice to see you again" you hugged them, feeling relieved.

"Look at you" said Holly at your attire. A pencil skirt and a blazer, both in purple color "You look stunning"

That night you put your best act. Nobody could tell Justin and you weren't speaking to each other days ago. And you were glad to have more familiar faces around.

You were talking about your impressions of California, and Justin didn't speak so much. Maybe he wanted to rest since he looked tired.

"She found an apartment too" Justin added, and he sounded so bitter it made you frown.

Holly and Mark looked at you.

"Wow, it is expensive?" Mark asked.

"Not that expensive"

"Did Justin told you something?" Holly asked, looking at his son.

"Not, not at all. It was just time"

"I bet"

Justin was glaring at you, and you didn't understood why he was mad. Maybe he was feeling pain again. You didn't want to deal with his mood swings.

"You should go to sleep a little bit" you suggested, in a cold tone.

The rubbed his eyes and nodded.

"I'm tired" he sighed.

The mood shifted. You felt the tension in your spine and tried to rescue the night.

"Everyone must be tired" you said, standing up and picking up the plates. "You come from a long travel from Oregon" you said to Justin's parents "You better sleep a little bit"

His parents imitated you, but you noticed Mark side-eyed Justin with disapproval.

****

In the morning, you were preparing in your room for work when someone knocked your door.

It was Justin in all his splendor. Looking grumpy as ever.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure" you said without looking at him.

He got inside and closed the door.

"Are you parents up?" you asked, putting lipstick on in front of the mirror.

That morning you were feeling better. Justin's parents always put you in a good mood.

The boxes were still sealed in the corner of your room. When he didn't replied you turned around to look at him. He was fidgeting with the hem of his Nike shirt.

"Is everything alright?" you prompted.

"Yeah...no, no really" You tilted your head to one side, looking at him up and down. "I'm sorry"

The apology landed in a sore spot.

"For what?" you were using the profesional voice you use for clients. His behavior last night was unacceptable. Ridiculous.

"For lying to you" you frowned "I know, I've always know but I was scared and I'm so sorry for being a coward. And for last night too, I was a douche"

"W-what are you talking about?" you asked, referring to the first part of his speech.

"I like you...I like you since highschool or even before, I don't know" he admitted, quickly.

You stopped breathing for a second, your organs melting inside your body.

"Why did you tell me you weren't sure?" you were cautious. At first you didn't believe him, you needed to prevent any type of miscommunication.

"Because I was scared" he explained, walking three steps toward you only to stop suddenly. You didn't move an inch "I...my lifestyle makes me feel like I can't be in a relationship, I'm busy all the time. I don't want you to feel neglected. It's just that...I wasn't ready for the change"

You studied his words and expression, he sounded and looked sincere.

He got closer again, reaching for you like a giant lost kid.

"Are you ready for the change now?" you asked, not processing completely what was happening.

"Yes, yes I am" he touched your shoulder, and you noticed he was shaking slightly. Poor Justin.

You grinned, standing on your tiptoes to hug him carefully. He hug you back, hiding his face on the curve of your neck.

"Justin, do-do you like me?" you wanted to hear him once again. Only to know you weren't dreaming. You looked at him "Is this happening?"

"Yes, I like you"

"Why do you decide to tell me now?"

"My dad sensed something was off and talked to me" he said "I just needed to hear it from someone I trust"

"Hear what?"

"What I'm losing by letting you go"

"I'm going to say thank you to him" he laughed. His expression morphed into something serious, desire. His pretty green eyes scanned your face for a sign, his eyes lingered on your lips. A silent plea. You leaned forward, and he tilt his head only to brush his lips against yours. The warm of his lips sent a shiver down your spine, and you put your hand on his chest to steady yourself. You could feel how fast his heart was beating. The butterflies in your stomach fluttered aggressively.

He did it again, only to make sure you weren't running away. In the third, his pretty mouth landed on yours, and you opened your lips. Kissing Justin felt right all the way. He was careful at the beginning, but as the time pass you needed more. You tongue search for his, and he gave you all you wanted. You fist his shirt, dragging him down to your height.

"Oh my god!" Holly's voice startled you both. You separate, your cheeks burning red. You glance at Justin who was looking the same. "I-I made breakfast, guys" she said, hiding a smile.

"Thanks, mom" Justin said in the most causal tone he could gather.

"I'll wait for you in the kitchen"

When she was gone, you touched your lips. Justin had lipstick on his lips too. You laughed and he looked at you confused.

"You look good with that tone" you said, looking for a wipe. He looked in your mirror and frowned. You gave him the wipe so he could clean himself.

The breakfast was kinda uncomfortable. Holly was trying to act cool, but you were nervous.

"Are you guys dating?" Mark asked, by looking at your face.

"Yes" Justin said, eating bacon.

His answer made you happy. Was this really happening? He sounded so confident about it.

"About time! I'm calling your mom!' announced Holly only to be stopped by Mark.

You knew your mom made some gestures toward Justin indicating her likeness for him as your partner, but you never expect Holly to like you too.

It was heart-warming.

"Once Justin is recovered you should go to the games, using his number and everything" Holly suggested. You were at some games before, wearing the colors of the team, but never official merchandise (you weren't the most fan) but the idea of being there as his partner was terrifying and exciting at the same time.

Justin looked at you with warmness in his eyes. And you swore he was the most beautiful man in the world.

The idea of dating him was the best.

#justin herbert #justin herbert x reader #nfl #fanfiction #justin herbert imagine #justin herbert fanfic

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lilithinstarlight · 4 months ago

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Hi hi! This is the person who requested the Freminet x seacreature!Reader! I saw you were interested in anons and was wondering if I could be considered 🍰 Anon?

Yippie! 🎉🎉

Also sorry if this doesn’t make much sense, I’m on the verge of passing out rn 😭🙏

Here's my request? (These are becoming more of me just rambling about scenarios 😔😔) : Lyney x Secretive!Reader

(Ik you just did a Lyney related post but I love this little guy <3 (I'll try being more diverse next time)

————————————————————————

Imagine;

Lyney is taking a walk around town, he isn’t sure how he got here nor why he is here but it’s peaceful. Well until he sees someone dressed in all black from head to toe (I imagine something like a veil on their face as well but that’s not as important) to say it was weird is an understatement.

He doesn’t know how to feel about the person it definitely wasn’t something you’d normally expect someone to dress like. They sat near a café and were reading some kind of book, but it wasn’t like they paid him any mind. So he continued with his stroll, but when passing by he was stopped suddenly.

Lyney looks back to see them holding their wrist, but before he make any attempt at discussion they let go. They shift a small envelope into his hands, stands up, and walks off. It takes him a couple of seconds to understand what happened, but by the time he realizes Reader has already left…

(The letter can be anything you wish it to be :3)

It’s been a couple of weeks/months and it seems Reader had simply vanished until Lyney finds himself strolling around after a show once more. He finds himself wandering near the café he saw the mysterious person awhile ago highly expecting them to not be there once again. However he is shocked to find the person doing the exact thing as before- reading a book.

He hops into the seat next to them wishing for answers especially after reading that letter. He has been analyzing it for hours before night, looking for any second message, anything that could indicate something specific. He yet to find such a thing and he needs answers…now.

————————————————————————

And that is where I’ll let your mind go wild! >:3 Answer however you wish, will they be strangers? Will they be enemies? Will they be secret lovers?

What shall they be….only you can decide >:D

(I’m sorry that probably sounds so cringy 😔 I promise I’m kinda normal I’ve just been obsessed with choose your own adventure games recently)

HELLO!!!! I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE! Also!!! bc i've been so busy at school i don't think i'll be able to keep this blog running... i'm super sorry but education yknow....

ANYWAYS it's totally not cringy! ur request is under the cut! :)

Though the sunlight was beginning to fade and the sky was painted in beautiful sorbet shades of an orange-to-purple mélange, Lyney found himself wandering between the silver coated houses of the more suburban areas of Fontaine.

His fingers traced the cold metal of the homes as he walked, and he softly hummed to entertain his mind. His siblings would surely be beginning to worry, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. Not yet. Something was... calling him.

"Ah!"

Lyney could feel his hands gripping the pavement as he let out a yelp. Looking down, he saw he had tripped on a set of stairs. Looking up, a young person sat, face hidden by a near-opaque veil. They were reading a book - Les Fleurs du Mal - and did not spare a single glance towards him as he picked himself up and dusted his clothes off. He wasn't hurt, so he decided to continue.

That person...

He shook his head. Not his business.

One step after the other, Lyney was almost completely gone from the cafe.

And then, he stopped. A cold, dry hand was clasped around his wrist. He whipped around, jerking his arm away, and saw that same veiled figure.

He opened his mouth to ask, but they slipped a note into his other hand and proceeded to run the direction he was about to head. Clearly, they had no desire to be followed.

Unable to stop his curiosity, Lyney stepped to the side of one of the houses and began to quietly and slowly open it, glancing from side to side.

To The Man in the Large Hat -

Though I am hesitant to help your kind, I feel obligated to inform that your bowtie was dropped as you fell. Please do not attempt to thank nor contact me in any way.

That was the end. His bowtie? He looked down at his shirt. Just as the letter said, he had dropped it. The more ominous bit, however, was the mention of 'your kind'. Could they have meant...

Fath-

This wasn't worth dwelling on. He turned, ignoring the lost bowtie, and began to run back home.

---- 1 Month Later ----

Only minutes ago the curtains had closed and Lyney had bowed to his loyal, loving audience for what had to have been the hundredth time. He still loved it, though by the end of such shows he was too tired to do much else but wander.

A left here, a right there, a magician always finds his way back home. Directions were never a concern. He let his feet take him where they needed to go, trusting his body and his intuition.

Today, they took him to a street with silver homes and intricately designed pavement.

The moment he noticed, he stopped in his tracks.

One month ago, this had been where he had met the person who had given him the letter. The person who had caused countless sleepless nights, spent poring over black ink and stained paper, short dreams filled with flowers and books - les fleurs du mal? - before waking up to start the cycle all over again. They had a certain beauty to them, despite none of their features being visible, something to do with the charm of mystery and the allure of the unknown. The same thing that lead scientists to discoveries and adventures to lands undiscovered had infected him, yet only for this veiled enigma... like a kind virus, one already embedded into the human condition.

Lyney squeezed his palms to bring himself back to reality. He hadn't seen or heard anything about this person after that one night, not even from his siblings, whose quiet nature lead to observances like this. Was he going to let one strange moment control his behavior? No, he decided, and he continued walking.

Making sure to watch the pavement this time, he calmly put his right foot forward, calmly let his clenched palms relax, and calmly walked up the stairs that led to the cafe.

The moment he turned towards the tables, he physically recoiled, jumping back like a wounded dog.

The writer was calmly sitting at a cafe table, steaming drink in hand, large book splayed across the table.

Archons. He knew they had specifically directed him never to talk to them... but he couldn't just let all those night go to waste. He had to get answers. He braced himself and tentatively walked towards the table.

He began to pull out a chair, and the person ignored him. He sat down, and was ignored. He leaned in, still no response. Fine.

"Hello there! It's nice to meet you again."

---

You turned slowly to look at him. Was that the horrible Fatui child? What did he want with you? It was better just to get this over with, you supposed.

You sighed, and asked, "Did you read my letter?"

"Yes. And what a charming letter it was! How kind it was of you to point my bowtie out to me. Really, I just wanted to ask one question..."

"I don't want to hear it," you said with a tone of finality. You didn't care if he sent some Fatui goons after you - you could fight.

"Well, please, just hear me out! I need to know what you meant by... 'your kind'. Don't try to be soft-"

"Fatui." You cut him off. He knew damn well what you meant.

"Um," Clearly uncomfortable, he shifted in his chair, "Well, I appreciate the honesty! But, while I do know that many dislike us, we're a bit misunderstood. See, Father, who runs the House of the Hearth-"

"I said that I didn't want to hear it. Either shut up or scram."

"Is there... Is there, well, some sort reason you're opposed to us?" he asked. It seemed like a genuine question. Focalors, you hated how genuine he seemed.

"Yeah. You killed my mom." Bluntness seemed the best here. If this kid (you refused to call him by whatever his name was, even if you did seem around the same age...) was really somehow blind to the damage the Fatui did, you'd hammer it into his tiny brain.

"Oh..." he set his hands on the table, "I... I'm really sorry... about that."

You sat in silence for a minute. He was trying to figure out what to say. Some sort of excuse, probably.

"You know, I don't agree with all the actions we take. But, you see, I don't really have a choice. Father took me in when me and my siblings had nowhere else to go, so I'm obligated to be loyal and protect my home..."

Yeah. Excuses.

"But, I guess... I know how it feels... to lose a parent..." He chuckled. "I'm not good at this emotional stuff. But I wanna help."

Wait, what?

"I can't do anything that's going to put the Fatui or the House at risk... But I want to help. I want to show you that we're not all bad."

You looked up at him, surprised. Were you sure this man was even in the Fatui? He seemed much too kind. Though, it could always be an act, in order to gather information on potential threats.

Screw it, what did you have to lose?

"Well..." you started, and he looked at you expectantly, "You can start by spotting me for this coffee. I left my Mora at home." He smiled triumphantly.

"I promise, I'll show you!"

---1 Year Later---

You waited, in your veil, on the side of the House where Lyney was having a meeting with his Father. Sure, it was dangerous. But you loved it, and fine, you loved him.

The doors pushed open, and your public-enemy-private-boyfriend stepped out.

"I see you've been spying on enemy territory?" he prompted with a laugh. You nodded, smiling, though it wasn't visible under the fabric.

Once he walked down close enough for you to speak quietly, you whispered, "Like you haven't been doing that since we met."

#fanfic #x reader #writing #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #lyney x y/n #lyney x you #lyney x reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 years ago

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Ooh, I got one. AITA for telling me sick, elderly dad "no" when he asked if I'd come help around the house?

So I think I know the answer to this already, but I'm curious about other people's opinions…. and I want to rant.

My dad and I (36, trans masc but I only figured that out about 5 years ago) have been butting heads for a while. Family situation is: I had cool hippy liberal parents but things went downhill with various addictions and depression. I lived with them until I was 30 (with me paying the bills for several years) and then finally moved out after I realized how unhealthy it was for me to be there.

Moving out coincided with me figuring out some things about myself, mainly the trans thing, probably because I felt more comfortable/safe and could focus on things other than that shitty living situation.

Another thing I'd finally realized, shortly before I moved out, was how messed up my relationship with my dad had been. Basically, I grew up with him doing this thing where he'd tell me I couldn't trust any of my friends (the implication being I could only trust him), or he'd tell me how smart I was because I saw things his way and talk about how people we knew were dumb because they didn't. He also taught me that I shouldn't show or admit to mental illness or neurodivergence because people (even my friends) would take advantage of me.

Once I'd gone, he repeatedly asking me to come visit, sending me messages about how sad he was and how much he missed me. I did visit a few times, but just being back in that house makes me feel real uncomfy.

At some point I share with him my observations about our past and how it negatively effected me. His response… is to say he doesn't think that's how it went. I keep trying to explain, asking him to acknowledge that these things did happen between us and, whether he meant it to or not, it did mess me up. He keeps dismissing it or redirecting the blame onto my mom or his shitty dad, or suggesting that my friends (who I'm living with now) have turned me against him.

But he also keeps pestering me to visit more, guilt-tripping me with how sad my old dog, Cavall, is after each time I do come by (I would have taken the dog with me, but he's a big fluffy malamute mix and the roommates have a small house + one is allergic. I didn't want to impose too much, so I'd limited myself to bringing only the one cat who I had the closest bond with and leaving the other pets with my parents).

All of this back-and-forth with my dad finally comes to a head a couple months ago when I ask for a specific item of mine that I left at my parents house. My dad responds with a little poem about how depressed he is because he misses me and I've abandoned him. I throw back some brusque line in which I call him "bro"…

… and that earns a response in which he mocks me about pronouns and gender identity.

I am shocked, because my parents were always super cool about queer stuff. I tell him so and then block him on facebook. He responds to that by scouring the house for everything I left behind, packing it up in cardboard boxes, and dumping it all in my roommate's driveway with zero notice.

I figure he's done with me at that point… but then, last week, he sent me an email which reads:

"I hope you're well. I hope your family is well. I miss you. I'm sick today. Weak. Dizzy. Queasy. Slept a lot, thankfully. I want to ask you, if I were to become too sick to do things for days, would you be someone I could ask to come make some soup, take out the trash, help and give comfort? I won't be surprised at a "no", but, a "yes" would be wonderful. I got the trash out and the dogs fed. Cavall is off his breakfast lately, but, usually eats supper. He used to eat better, but, he's really getting old and slow now. In the six years I've walked him he's gone from wanting to run a lot to slow walking and sniffing. I'm getting down some oatmeal with raisons and yogurt now. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow. I think so, but, the question arises at such times. Plz tel yes or no, so I can know for future reference."

And, well, I told him no. I hate the idea of abandoning sick elderly people who are already living in poverty, but after all the shit I described, I don't want to be around him. So, what's the vote?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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liaromancewriter · 2 years ago

Text

What Could Have Been (4/?)

Series Premise: When Ethan breaks his promise, Cassie is forced to accept they’re not inevitable after all.

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Cassie Valentine) Rating/Category: Teen. Angst Words: 1,195

Series Masterlist

Chapter 4: New Normal. Old Habits. Time to accept the reset and explore new possibilities.

Whenever Cassie Valentine had imagined her life as a doctor, it invariably involved her medical hero, Ethan Ramsey. Back then, she had only known his words and thoughts on diagnostics.

She had come to Edenbrook to learn from him and hopefully impress him enough that he’d agree to mentor her. Falling in love with him hadn’t been part of her plan.

Their relationship hadn’t been the plan, and yet they were inevitable. Or so she had believed once upon a time.

Nothing lasts forever, she reminded herself as she got dressed for work. She would always carry a version of him in her heart, one she didn’t have but couldn’t lose.

Despite the awkwardness of the last few weeks, their relationship had begun to… normalize. They were professionals, after all, and loved the work. When it came to the Diagnostics Team, Cassie was already learning so much.

Their latest case involving Lamar Stevenson was the perfect example. It would have never occurred to her to conduct a home visit to diagnose an illness. But the systematic way Ethan walked her through the process opened her eyes.

For a while, she forgot that they were no longer together as a couple. Once they were away from the hospital, the easy banter returned, and so did the light teasing she could never resist with him. Ethan could be too serious, but never with her.

“If I lived here, I would lose my mind,” she said dramatically, gazing at the placid bay.

The beach house didn’t even have the melodrama of angry waves crashing against the rocks. What exactly did people do with so much quiet?

“What about this would make you go insane?” Ethan asked in surprise, clearly not expecting her answer.

“Are you kidding?” She shook her head and spread her arms to encompass the scene. “It’s way too boring! I need to live in the middle of the action.”

“One would think you already get plenty of action,” Ethan grinned, his expression more relaxed than she’d seen in a while.

When Cassie raised one eyebrow, his face flushed, and he stumbled over his words. “I meant your casework. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Too late,” she almost quipped but suddenly remembered who they were, or weren’t rather, and swallowed her words.

When she almost fell off the chair while reaching for the photo album from the top of the armoire, she never doubted Ethan would catch her. But she hadn’t been prepared for the scent of his cologne and that feeling of rightness as he held her in his arms.

They stared at each other, blue eyes clashing with green, both reluctant to let go. Following instinct, she leaned closer, and he did the same, their foreheads almost touching.

This is how it could’ve been, Cassie thought wistfully. But it wasn’t; she was only torturing herself and him by letting the moment linger.

That was yesterday. Today, it was back to being Dr. Valentine and Dr. Ramsey.

Cassie exited the subway station with Sienna, half-listening to her friend talk about her intern Mitch. Her mind was jumbled with her dream of Ethan last night and Lamar’s worsening condition.

As they neared the hospital’s entrance, Sienna nudged her shoulder forcefully. Cassie glanced at her friend and realized someone was standing before them, blocking their way.

Nate Hanson looked just as good as she remembered. They had gone on one date six months ago but had flirted plenty over text. Conflicting schedules kept getting in the way of their second date.

And then things between her and Ethan changed after Miami. There wasn’t room for anyone else in her heart after that.

“Nate? What are you doing here?” she asked, wondering if she missed a message from Max that his friend was coming to Boston.

“Board meeting,” he said, smiling in a sincere way that was part of his charm. “My company concluded the research project with the hospital, so I’m presenting final recommendations to the board.”

Nate looked askance at Sienna, who was watching him with curiosity. Cassie quickly made the introductions.

“It’s good to see you, Cassie,” Nate said, the appreciative look in his hazel eyes boosting her self-confidence. “Is it too much to hope you’re still single?”

“She’s definitely single,” Sienna grinned cheekily.

Nate laughed, and Cassie threw her friend a disgruntled look. Unrepentant, Sienna waved it away and slid a lascivious sideways look at Nate.

His phone pinged, and he checked the screen. “Shoot. I have to head upstairs.”

He moved closer, and Cassie tilted her head back to gaze into his eyes.

“Can I please take you to dinner tonight? Our previous efforts at scheduling didn’t work, so let’s be spontaneous,” he added when Cassie looked doubtful.

“I get off at six,” Cassie relented.

“Great! I’ll pick you up at seven from your apartment. If that works?” Nate said.

“Seven is perfect,” Sienna piped in.

He smiled and winked conspiratorially at Sienna, making Cassie huff in exasperation.

“Don’t you want to know where I live?” Cassie called out as he started to walk away.

“I’m a hotshot CEO. I’ll find out,” Nate shot back cockily over his shoulder.

Suddenly, he turned around as if pulled by a string and slowly walked back toward her, looking abashed.

“Sorry. I was trying to be cool,” Nate said, nervously running one hand through his hair. “I have no idea where you live and, short of asking your brother, no way of finding out in a way that would be considered legal.”

“Give me your phone,” Cassie ordered, rolling her eyes but secretly amused too.

Later that day, Cassie sipped the coffee Alan Ramsey had bought her as thanks and absently reflected on her upcoming date.

But her mind kept drifting to Ethan and his vulnerability, barely there before his mask descended when his mother was mentioned. So much of his life was a closed book and always would be, she thought morosely.

Meeting his father, knowing Ethan had mentioned her to him, had been the highlight of her afternoon. And for another brief moment, back at the coffee shop, they’d forgotten about the reset.

She hated seeing Ethan upset and reached across the table to press her hand to his. He didn’t resist. Instead, he gently stroked hers with his thumb. The gesture was so loving and familiar tears pricked her eyes.

“I’m here for you,” she whispered, feeling his anger and pain.

Cassie wanted to wrap her arms around him, for him to be hers again so that she could comfort him in a way not allowed between colleagues. But the spell broke with his next words.

“I mean it, Cassie. This means nothing,” he said definitively. “I don’t even know why my father came all the way here to tell me.”

It was sobering to realize the man she loved could be so heartless. If he was willing to easily cut his mother off and call her a stranger, what chance did Cassie have that he’d eventually let her back into his life?

Despite his gentle touch, Ethan could be harsh and unforgiving. And she would do well to remember that.

----------------

#open heart #ethan ramsey #open heart choices #open heart fanfics #open heart fanfiction #choices fanfics #choices fanfiction #ethan ramsey x mc #choices fic writers creations #cfwc fics of the week #ethan ramsey x cassie valentine #writers on tumblr

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imagines-babes · 2 years ago

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Bewitched (Wilbur)

Helloo, everyone new and old. I hope everyone had a okay week. Sorry for the late story, Ive been watching one piece, catching up with Qsmp lore and reading. Today song is ‘Bewitched’, by Laufey. That’s all for today I hope to see you next week.

Wilbur Soot Masterlist

**************

One rule. DO NOT FALL IN LOVE. A simply rule. But the heart wants what it wants. If the heart wants the two to fall in love maybe it had a resin to help them fall in love.

The two, y/n and wilbur , never meant to grow feelings. From all those late night calls, the messages the two sent, the look they would give each other, and they smile when they talk to each other.

It simply how they started. A simple mix up of letter from the apartment they lived in. He got a letter from a friend address to

y/n with the number right next to his mail box. So he decided to give it to them. He didn't know what they looked like so it was meeting a new neighbor or a new person. Knocking on the door. He waited to for someone to answer. Nothing happened but did hear something inside move. Once more he knock to hear someone talking behind the door. 'I'm coming give me a second please.' The voice spoke as he look down the stairs for no reason specifically till he heard the door open. To see someone standing there with their face a mess he guess they were ether cooking or painting something. Wilbur walked up to the door with a smile. The person in front of them gave a soft smile, 'oh hi was there something you needed?' Their face was something he never heard before. Their voice is calm and soft. Wilbur held the note to his side as he he stares at y/n. For y/n, there is a strange man in front of their door. He's a handsome man at that. He didn't speak just stare at them. Maybe there was something of y/n face. They started to doubt how they look. 'Hello,' he snapped back to reality as he spoke. 'Oh I'm sorry but their was this letter that was sent to my box saying y/n with your number and I guess they placed it in mine by accident.' He voice was smooth as he held out the letter to them. Y/n smiled. 'Oh thank you. You are very kind...' they waited for him to give a name. Wilbur notice the stop as he laugh, 'Wilbur. My name is Wilbur,' the name gave y/n a smile. 'Thank you Wilbur for giving me this letter.' A laugh appeared between them both. The silence filled the air for a second as the two stared at each other breaking a smile. It was like a staring contest for the two. That he had lost to breaking into a smile. 'I should be going,' slowly he walked to his room as y/n nods. 'I hope to see you around wilbur.' He gives a nod starting to walk down the stairs. 'I hope to see you around as-well y/n.' Slowly y/n went inside their house feeing like a kid at a candy shop. Feeling all emotion. For Wilbur it's the same feeling. He walk into his room and thought about y/n.

Slowly they both became friends. After their first encounter. Y/n hoped to see him in the halls or if the mail men given them a letter to Wilbur by accident. Y/n wasn't lucky enough for that to happen. Slowly y/n started to lose faith walking up those stair to notice him by his door. Y/n heart smiled soon as he turn to them as his heart smiled as well. 'Hello y/n how are you?' The two talked for what felt like 5 minutes actually was 30 minutes. His phone started to ring as he answer. After a couple of seconds, he hang up the phone. 'I'm sorry but I must be going. My friends are waiting for me to rehearse with them.' Y/n felt bad 'my bad Wilbur I wouldn't have stop you or anything if you hand an rehearsal. Tell your friends that I am asking sorry for holding you up.' Y/n gave a soft smile. 'Don't worry about it y/n I would stop anything just to talk to you more. How about I come over to yours and we can continue to talk.' His mind hopes they would say yes. Or maybe it was too straight forward for him to ask that. The two just meet a couple of weeks ago. His thought stop till y/n gives a smile, 'of course i will be waiting for you. Bye have fun at your rehearsal wilbur,' y/n walked to their floor. Wilbur just stared at them walking away as he smile.once he enter that rehearsal, he tried to think straight but all he thought about was after the rehearsal he would get to see them. The other will try to get his attention as he daydream till he actually notice them and listen. It's quite funny. For y/n, they waited for the knock on the door for them to talk all night. Or just a little while longer. The hours passed and y/n was loosing hope till a knock appeared on the door. Rushing to the door, their heart speed up til a breathe let out. Opening the door, to see him with a smile. He started to talk but y/n didn't listen all they did was nod. It was quite funny. Y/n welcome him in. They talked and had a dinner. Just two friends having dinner.

The months passes, as the two gotten closer with each other. Almost every night he would stay at y/n apartment. The two would go on dates. Go on late night walks. Once in the rain they had a moment till it was ruined. They both wanted a kiss each other. But it didn't end that way. His tour was approaching quickly. He hadn't told them about it. He never brought up his job or his band. Tonight, he had to stop dragging them on for awhile. He didn't want his fans to find y/n. Didn't want then to get toxic or anything. He didn't want them to be scared or get messages being harassed. So he stay outside y/n door waiting to knock. Waiting on the courage to tell them he will be going awhile and have to stop talking to them. But y/n, open the door before he got to knock. They were both close to each other y/n cheeks went red. 'Oh Wilbur what are you doing here? Did you need something?' Their voice was clear and smooth as a breeze in the wind. He gives a nod. 'I'm leaving soon and I can't continue this relationship with you. Not now.' He stated to the floor not wanting to look at their face. Y/n was too stunned to talk. Just stared at the man in front of them. 'Well I can wait for y-' he stop my words with a no. He heard their voice. How it was shaken and cracked. 'I don't want you to stay and wait for me. I will be gone for months and I can't lead you on.' He didn't say a goodbye just went to the stairs to walk to his room. He wanted the conversation to end there. Sadly it didn't. Before Wilbur enter the room, he heard y/n. ' you are asking me to leave you alone, Wilbur. If that's what you want I need you to stare into my eyes and tell me.' He heard the snuffle from y/n. Staying in front of the door. That was the one thing he couldn't do. He couldn't tell y/n to leave him. Hearing the step approach him. 'You expect me to let you go. You expect me to let go the person I love.' Y/n said to his back. He never heard those words from someone and meant it. 'You bewitched me Wilbur. I would wait for you to come back even if it takes months or a year. I just can't let you le-' Once again he cut y/n off. But not with words just a kiss. He kissed y/n softly, innocently, almost like he was afraid they would pull away if he kissed any different. This kiss made the world froze around them. This was the kiss they have been waiting for since the day in the rain. Y/n hands slide behind his neck bringing each other closer. Hearing a door open, the two move away not wanting to get caught as if two kids in school not wanting to get in trouble with a teacher. The lady gives us both a nod walking down the stairs. Y/n gave a small wave as the lady returned the same. Wilbur just stared at y/n with a smile. Y/n looked over to him notice his stare. The two gave a small smile. 'I will wait for you after your tour I will be here.' Y/n gave a small kiss on his cheek. They start to walk up to their apartment. The kiss meant something for both of them. Y/n meant their words. Wilbur knew it. Now it's just waiting game

#x y/n #twitchstreamer #fanfic #mcyt x y/n #mcyt fanfiction #wilbur fanfiction #wilbur soot x you #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur x y/n #wilbur mcyt #wilbur x reader #wilburfromlvjy #wilbur soot x y/n #wilbur x you #wilbur soot #qsmp wilbur #wilbur dream smp

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sachikokuroichi · 2 years ago

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Herz an Herz (<-Link to AO3)

“Your handwriting is awful.”

Naruto had to look twice at the scroll he was holding in hand right now. He’d been looking forward to Gaara’s answer all week and this was everything he had to say?!

The blond was on the verge of crying. And here he thought that they could converse like this, get to know each other and become closer. Because let’s face it. Since the day he’d laid eyes on him, he knew that the red-haired jinjuuriki was going to be someone special in his life. Someone he wanted to call precious to him. The fact that Gaara came to help him with the Sasuke problem more than just once was not helping to keep his crush in check either.

Tossing the scroll into the depth of his chaos that had been his flat once, Naruto stormed outside. He really needed to clear his head and the best way to achieve that was training.

Meanwhile in Suna…

“Temari, have you seen the messenger scroll I had on my desk? I’ve been looking for it for a couple of days now.”

The blond kunoichi looked at her, a little (very) unnerved, brother. It was not like him to lose his things, not even misplace them. Also, it was definitely not in his normal behaviour to freak out like that over a simple messenger scroll. And for Gaara this was a big case of freaking out: He was currently wracking havoc in his office, using his sand to lift papers, tables, plants and every single one of the heavier pieces of furniture, even if there was no way that a messenger scroll could possibly fit underneath or behind it. Gaara was close to losing it. Okay, who was she trying to kid here? He was losing it and never had Temari been gladder that Shukaku wasn’t with Gaara anymore. He would’ve had a field day with the nervous energy her little brother was radiating right now.

She wondered what possibly could be in that messenger scroll that he freaked out like that. There had been no important paperwork of lately, just the one scroll from Konoha that she- oh.

“You mean the one from Konoha? The one ready to send back? I already sent it a few days ago.”

“WHAT?!”

Taken aback by the sudden outburst, Temari took a couple steps back. Gaara had never been the type to raise his voice. Lower it into icy depths that caused you to freeze or made you want to cease existing all together on the spot, yes, but he never got loud.

But there he was: his turquoise eyes, still marred from countless of sleepless nights, wide in surprise and with an unfamiliar look of pure horror within them, the earlier frantic whirling sand was now lying lifeless all around the office.

“I’m sorry, it looked finished, all closed up and sealed, so I thought-“

“He’s gonna hate me… my life is over…”

Temari watched Gaara let himself fall into his seat, burying his face in his hands, letting out a distressed sound.

“Gaara, what is this all about? Who was the scroll addressed to anyway?”

“Naruto… he sent me the scroll, wanted to write more regularly, keep in touch.”

Temari let out a sigh, relief cursing through her veins. Naruto was simple. There was no way that he wouldn’t forgive them for this mistake. He’d probably find it very funny.

“Naruto would never hate you. Maybe you weren’t finished writing it, who cares? It probably shows anyway. What did you write him?”

Gaara broke down there and then, letting everything spill out: How he was so happy to receive the letter, just for it to morph into something unpleasant, overwhelming him, because how could he be that happy over something that simple? Was it okay to feel that way? What did it mean?

After getting through this crisis (meaning he managed to shove the panic into the farthest corner of his mind) he struggled for some time to decipher the written words. Naruto’s writing was like him: lively, happy, easy to read, but wild and untamed and it showed. His penmanship was horrible.

But after some time he got used to it and it got easier to read the message, which left him with the most difficult task: It was now on him to write his response. There the real struggle began. What to write? What was okay? What too much? Was there some etiquette to follow? Would Naruto think of him as weird? He didn’t want to scare him away. He wanted the letters to continue. After even one single letter he could already claim being addicted to the feeling of receiving, opening and reading them.

“Then I remembered that it wasn’t too bad to let the heart do the talking.”

Temari felt a sense of dread rising. Her little, innocent brother knew close to nothing about feelings, especially gentle ones like friendship and love. Even if he worked hard to understand them better, he still lacked… experience.

“Back to my original question: What did you write him?”

“What came to mind first. I wanted to start off with a little tease, then complimenting him on his wonderful idea, how I felt when I got the letter, that I was looking forward to exchanging lots of them in the future.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad…?”

“I didn’t come very far before getting called away to a meeting. Then you sent it.”

“How far did you come?”

“Your handwriting is awful.”

“Kami-sama have mercy… that’s your definition of “starting off with a little tease”?! That was outright mean!”

“It’s not that bad… is it?”

Temari almost wanted to laugh at her clueless brother but seeing him anxious and vulnerable like that was enough to make her feel guilty about sending the scroll without checking with Gaara first. It was her fault they’re in this situation after all. She planned on doing whatever she could to fix her mistake. Maybe she should deliver the next message herself, explain the circumstances of the first to Naruto herself. And apologize to both of them. No matter how she hated to do that and how much it would hurt her pride. This was her little brother and his happiness was the most important thing to her. He deserved all the luck and love in this godforsaken world. And she would make it happen! But first things first:

“It’s gonna be fine. We’ll fix this. But Gaara… I need to know one thing before we do that. And I want you to be completely honest with me here.”

Gaara sent her a confused look, but nodded anyway.

“Is there a certain possibility that your feelings for Naruto maybe go further than friendship?”

The confusion in Gaara’s eyes grew with every second his brain had to compute the meaning behind her question. But there was no verbal answer and Temari was sure that was to the fact that her little brother had no idea himself. She had dumped a completely foreign concept on him there, that she was pretty sure of.

“Look, I don’t want to say that-“

“I’m in love with him, aren’t I?”

The way he muttered those words, completely dumbfounded by the revelation, but also with a certain uncertainty lying underneath, took her by surprise. He was not hesitant to say it out loud, it seemed more that it was almost an epiphany to him. That she’d given him a name for all those weird, foreign sensations within him. Those new feelings. But his past had taught him that love was a dangerous concept and it was just natural to be at least slightly scared of it now.

“Well, I can’t look into your head or your heart… but to me it looks like you’re at least crushing hard on him.”

“What should I do now?”

“Up to you. But I suggest that you write the letter you actually intended to send him so I can deliver it.”

Gaara did exactly that.

~*~

Naruto had been inconsolable for the past few days, training without too many breaks, not even once visiting Ichiraku’s for ramen and it was starting to worry his teammates as well as the Hokage. What possibly could’ve happened? He hadn’t left the village and within it there wasn’t too much that could’ve caused this. Time to bring out the big guns: They decided to consult Iruka.

Said Chuunin found his former student at one of Konoha’s countless training grounds. It really spoke for Naruto’s progress that he was spotted immediately.

“Iruka-sensei! What brings you here?”

“Can I not pay a dear former student of mine a visit from time to time?”

“You’re way too busy for that and we both know that.”

Ouch. Iruka never thought that Naruto could be that brutally honest. Seems like his little troublemaker had indeed grown up. And his teammates had been right: He was in a very bad mood.

“But I’m here, aren’t I? So let’s get some ramen and catch up.”

Naruto’s face immediately lit up, causing Iruka to almost sigh in relief. If Ichiraku’s ramen would also have failed here, then he would’ve been in serious trouble. If they couldn’t console him, then almost nothing else could.

With two big bowls of their favourite type of ramen in front of them, Iruka decided to tackle the issue upfront.

“Okay, spill. What’s wrong?”

Naruto’s good mood was gone immediately. Iruka felt a chill going down his spine. He dreaded the words he was going to hear next. What horrible things could’ve happened to this sunshine? A lot of things, that Iruka knew. But whoever it was, there would be hell to pay. Iruka would make sure of it.

“I think I’m in love and I’m pretty sure he hates me. Or thinks that I’m stupid. Same thing. It’s pointless.”

Iruka had expected to hear a wide variety of things… but this? This he hadn’t seen coming.

“What makes you think that?”

“I wrote him, wanted to build a deeper connection, get to know him, become friends…”

“Sounds like a solid plan, what happened?”

“His only response was “Your handwriting is awful.”, that’s what happened.”

Iruka didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t deny that Naruto’s handwriting was awful, he had the “pleasure” of correcting various tests and homework sheets of him before but to get that told by your crush was just cruel. That guy was the worst.

“Forget about him. You deserve better than that.”

“Iruka-sensei… if it would be just as simple to forget someone you love as you make it sound… why are you still in love with Kakashi-sensei?”

This time Iruka had been eating his ramen and promptly started to choke on them. He really hated that observant and blunt version of Naruto. Before he could think of an answer, another blond entered the restaurant, drawing all attention onto them and successfully redirecting it from Iruka.

“There you are! Seriously, was it always that hard to find you in this stupidly huge village?!”

Iruka and Naruto exchanged confused looks before looking at Temari again.

“Why’re you looking for me, Temari-nee-san? I didn’t know a visit was scheduled anytime soon.”

“Yeah, well… it’s a long story… actually no - it’s not. Here.”

She pulled a scroll out of her bag and shoved it into Naruto’s hands.

“I accidentally sent Gaara’s response before he even really started to write it. He was really upset because of it, so I came to deliver the actual response personally. To minimise the risk of further mishaps. I sincerely apologize and hope you can forgive me.”

Temari finished her little speech with a deep bow which caused Naruto to look quickly assure her that it wasn’t necessary.

“Yes, it is. And you better tell Gaara that I did it too. He bullied me into doing it, quote “You better bow to him and apologize properly! No half-assing like you did with me.”, just so you know!”

Naruto was stunned. Gaara had gone through all this trouble? Just for him? But the sentence…

“You’re not gonna read what the Kazekage wrote you?”

Iruka’s gentle voice was cutting through the already downspiralling thoughts. He hastily ripped the seal and opened the scroll, almost damaging the thing in the process. He’d never been a fast reader, but right now he wished he could absorb the whole message at once. He was just too anxious to find out the truth to be patient.

[~Your handwriting is awful.

It took me quite some time to get fluent enough in your way of encrypting your letters so they can stay just between you and me and I apologize in advance that I can’t offer you the same in return.

Joke aside, I really loved to receive your letter and have to compliment you on this brilliant idea. The thought of getting letters from you on a regular basis, getting to know you and get insight into your daily life is filling me with profound joy to the intensity I cannot begin to describe. While my days are filled with almost the same tasks every day, I’m looking forward to hear about your missions and daily adventures.

I actually planned to just send you the letter I originally had intended to write (if it hadn’t been for Temari sending it way too early), but I can’t end it without apologizing. I’m sorry that you had to get such an unpleasant first response from me. I really hope you can forgive me and will send me lots of letters in the future. Otherwise I have to think of ways of making it up to you, because I can’t imagine not hearing from you ever again. You’re way too important to me already. You reaching out to me got my hopes up that the feeling’s mutual.

If you have some freetime in the future, we also can write about scheduling a meet up. You could come visit me in Suna. If you would want that, that is.

Please send your response with Temari, she will stay a few days in Konoha (probably with Shikamaru Nara, but don’t tell her I wrote that).

I’m looking forward to reading from you soon,

Gaara~]

~*~

This was the start of a wonderful friendship even if they just managed to converse via pretty frequent letters. Finding a way to meet up was pretty much impossible, with the world going to shit and all. Gaara was busier than ever and Naruto wasn’t fairing any better. Missions here, training there. New leads on Sasuke, leading to nowhere.

~*~

The 5-Kage-Summit was disheartening, but at least he managed to get a glimpse of his crush friend there. There wasn’t time to talk in private, exchange words that both felt deep in their hearts, but a shared look was enough to know that it could wait. The next letter would come. After everything was said and done there would be a time and place for them.

~*~

To say the war had been the most terrifying thing he’d seen in his life would be the understatement since the founding of the Hidden Villages. Maybe even longer than that. To fight with Naruto side by side was empowering, thrilling, made him want to rip every force that could hurt his beloved one to shreds, with the impression that he could do just that, but at the same time it was the worst. It made his stomach to funny flips, an anxious feeling spreading through his whole existence, to the very point he had to actively not let his sand show how he felt. It was scary. To see Naruto fight, run headfirst into enemies, hordes of them, without the slightest strategy or even the slightest hint of a plan. But so far it always had been enough.

Until it wasn’t.

~*~

Sleep was evading him as usual, but now they few hours he got were full of nightmares. The vision of Sakura, with her hand deeply buried in Naruto’s ribcage, trying to keep him alive, was one that had scarred him for life.

Currently Naruto was in Konoha Hospital, trying to recover from his injuries, from losing his arm. It took everything from Gaara to not immediately run there and be with him. He sighed. There was too much work. And now with Naruto unable to write even the letters came to a halt. It was like he’d vanished completely from his life, and it was the most terrifying feeling he’d ever encountered. Now, that they had grown that close, the thought of losing him was unbearable. It caused his blood to freeze inside his veins, his sand to slash around anxiously, resembling an angered cat’s tail. Apparently, his sand’s protection also applied to Naruto nowadays.

Gaara sighed. Being in love was complicated.

“What’s with that sigh, hm? Not like you to be glum like that.”

His sand reacted before his brain was capable of even trying to understand. It shot out and grabbed the intruder, but instead of hurting him, it brought him closer, right into Gaara’s embrace. His body had moved on its own, lifting his arms, catching and pressing him against his torso, never intending of letting him go.

Naruto let out his signature laugh, and it was the sweetest thing in Gaara’s opinion.

“Missed me, huh?”

“What- you… your arm… how?!”

Naruto firstly returned the hug, burying his head into the Kazekage’s neck, before explaining:

“Sakura did a wonderful job at healing all my wounds. They even managed to grow me a prosthetic arm. I can even do signs and cast jutsus with it!”

“How…?”

“I dunno… Sakura tried to explain, but-“

“No! I mean - how are you here? I’m sure you should rest! Not run 3 or more days all the way here! Did you even get permission to come here? I didn’t get any papers! Naruto, you cannot just-“

“Gaara, stop!”

Naruto’s laugh echoed through his office again, causing his heart to flutter happily. He liked hearing it. Never before had his office felt more like he belonged here than now. With Naruto in it. Right here, in his arms, by his side, in his life.

“I’m fine! I got permission. Temari-nee-san helped with surprising you. I also didn’t run all the way here.”

“But how…?”

“You remember the Yondaime being my father?”

Gaara nodded, dumbfounded. What had the Fourth Hokage to do with the fact that Naruto was here?

“You also may or may not know that he was known as the “Yellow Flash”. He was able to just appear out of nowhere. Because he was using a teleportation jutsu. And with me being his son… well…”

“You mastered the jutsu… to be able to visit me?”

“Of course! I mean… it probably has other uses, in battle or so… but it makes seeing you way eas-hmmh!”

His explanation got interrupted by a wonderful soft pair of lips that gently pressed themselves against his own. Too stunned to react, Naruto felt Gaara pull away before he could reciprocate the kiss. A horrified look was showing on the Kazekage’s face, fear visible within his turquoise eyes, mixed with regret and sadness. The sand immediately let go of him, as well as did Gaara, taking a step back too.

“I’m sorry, I misinterpreted, I-“

This time it was on Naruto to interrupt Gaara with a kiss.

“You didn’t misinterpret a single thing. I’m in love with you and learned a whole damn jutsu just to be able to see you.”

“That’s the sweetest thing anyone ever did for me.”

“I aim to please.”

“That you really do. I do too by the way. Love you, I mean.”

A huge, way too bright smile erupted on Naruto’s face, but Gaara couldn’t care less. That was his boyfriend’s (?) face that tried to burn his retinas away after all.

“You wanna try to be in a relationship with me?”

“Whatever my beloved Kazekage wishes.”

“Let’s get married then.”

“Gaara!”

His favourite sound echoed through his office again. He needed to write the Hokage. He couldn’t go for too long without it after he got a taste.

Talking of taste…

Naruto’s laugh got swallowed by their kiss, which caused Gaara to smile into it as well. They held each other close and tried to melt into each other. To never get separated again.

“Expect my handwriting to be even worse now, with my new arm and everything.”

“Oh, shut up and kiss me again.”

#naruto #gaara #narugaa #gaanaru #ff #ao3 fanfic #two idiots being in love #but cute #also rip iruka #xD

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real-alphas-be-changing-genders · 2 months ago

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So I feel like posting a story. A few weeks ago I was making my breakfast before college, waiting for the toast to cook (is it cook or like what's the word for it?) when I got a call from an unknown number. I answered (I know I shouldn't but it's too late so who cares). So I answer the phone and I wait a couple seconds for someone to speak, I'm expecting for them to hang up as is what often happens, but I hear someone say something. A boy starts speaking in a high pitched tone "hello, is this (dead name)?" He spoke in a rather unnatural sounding inflection and I just hung up, I couldn't be bothered. I knew immediately who it was and it's genuinely so stupid. It was these (I'm assuming it was a few people) boys from my PRIMARY SCHOOL who I guess bullied me. They were rather unpleasant in primary school but not really notable, but in high school (why the hell did this persist to high school I barely knew these kids) they added my MOTHER to a group chat on I think Facebook where they like made fun of me or something. I don't remember exactly but they definitely called me a faggot. My mum took screenshots before they could delete the messages and she sent it to their high school I think and they got in some trouble I'm assuming. But I knew it was them because who else would be PRANK CALLING me in 2024 using a dumb high pitched voice and using my deadname? And like I am in college now my man. I am almost an adult and you are too, Grow the Fuck Up.

I kind of regret hanging up, I'd have liked to hear them out, it's been so long now that I want to know what they had to say, if only so I could laugh at them a little.

#storytime #but actually who calls some kid from your primary school when ur in college for a prank? thats so weird and childish #i guess they were right about me being a 🚬 though so

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raiiryuu · 10 months ago

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Laxus stared at the mobile communications lacrima; the backlit screen in the otherwise dark room made his eyes twinge in a way that'd become familiar since his teen years, the rapid adjustment to the light long since becoming the new normal.

His thumb hovered over one contact in particular, no calls ever made to it, very few messages sent back and forth. The image was just a picture taken of an old photo, particularly old if he was smiling -- he'd hardly want to track him down just to get a picture for something this trivial. Something he rarely bothered to acknowledge, much less use.

Not that he particularly wanted to see the man at all, anymore.

The last conversation they'd had over texts was shortly after the Grand Magic Games, a year or two ago now. Another warning about Lumen Histoire, another ploy for information Laxus didn't have. He'd responded with the same indifference he had during their fight, reminding him he knew nothing, and even if he did it wasn't like he'd have any inclination to tell, but indifference wasn't really how he felt, was it? Scrolling up, most of the other messages were similar -- their contact had been few and far between over the years, consisting of a few sporadic text conversations (including several that were leftover from the seven years he'd been on Tenrou, left unanswered) and a single missed call. He had only really reached out when he thought he could get something out of Laxus, and that hadn't changed in the time they'd been back.

And now Laxus had an unread message from him. At 3 AM.

He had half a mind to just answer with something simple and along the lines of fuck you without even reading it, but with an aggravated groan he just tossed the device back onto the table instead. This was the last thing he wanted to be worrying about this late/early, especially on a job. But now that the message had brought that train of thought up, he couldn't exactly stop it.

He'd put in some inquiries, not long after they got back from Tenrou. Gajeel had told him what he'd learned while working as a double agent once Laxus had been reinstated, including the part about Laxus's father being after his lacrima. A couple of anonymous questions in the right ears and he'd heard a bit more than he wanted to know. Apparently, it was a seller's market now: if someone possessed a lacrima from any type of dragon, they could ask a king's ransom and they'd find someone willing to pay within a week. He doubted that idea his father had of selling it would have been given up that easily, especially now that Laxus was back from that seven-year stasis. His appearance at the Games had been a rash move, one Laxus hadn't expected from him. Almost desperate. It didn't make sense that he'd just disappear, after that -- if Flare's words were anything to go by, they'd been released shortly after being brought into custody, so it wasn't like he was rotting in jail somewhere.

If so, where was he now...?

Laxus shook his head to try and chase those thoughts from his mind, rolling over to put his back to the lacrima as it chirped again. He'd either deal with it in the morning or continue to ignore him, but right now he needed sleep.

Blip. Blip.

He turned with a growl and switched it to silent mode, catching Freed's eye open across the room.

"Don't worry about it," he grumbled, rolling over again. "Ain't urgent."

#v;; main { lightning dragon }#had a Shower Thought so now we get this]

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olderjodijournals · 14 days ago

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MONDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1990

My mother said something astounding. Not only was I shocked, but I also shed a few tears. I called Mom and told her that I bought a little tiny fork and spoon for Sarah and socks for Becky and Lisa. Then I told her that I agreed as far as having money and someone to help as far as having a baby is concerned. But I also told her I didn’t like being told what I should do or should not do at this age.

So I finally asked the two questions of my main concern in blunt plain English. I said, “If I have a child someday, are you going to disown me or call the state?”

She said no. I freaked with shock and joy. I absolutely and totally could not believe it.

Otherwise, no more news going on lately. Just that I had a very nice weekend with Brenda and also Gail and Judy. Gail and Judy are so nice. You feel as if you’ve known them for years. They, of course, don’t turn me on but they’re very attracted to me, so I hear. Also, it’s rather obvious by the way they look at me. Same thing with Bonny. I did their nails for them and also, a couple of weekends ago, Brenda, Judy, Gail and I went to Jam’s. We had fun, and I ran into Tracy there who said she broke up with Nancy. Guess Nancy was an alcoholic and a troublemaker. She seemed a little irritated by talking to me and left with some other girl who seemed slightly offended when I asked her if she was single.

Tracy said she was in California on the 4th of July and was so shocked at how feminine the gay women were there. That’s what she likes, too.

She did tell me to leave a message with my number at this dentist’s office where she works on Maple St. But should I really leave a message which I seriously doubt will ever get answered?

My friendship with Andy has been excellent the last several months and he admitted he was being cruel and selfish for a while and then realized it and didn’t want to lose me as his friend. He was also jealous of my looks and my abilities but instead of being negative he’s encouraging and appreciates what I do.

It’s really too bad his relationship with Miles isn’t doing too great. According to Andy, he’s too clingy and constantly wants sex. Also, cuz Andy didn’t give Miles sex for two days, Miles cheated on him. Andy’s pissed and is on the verge of dumping him. He says, though, he thinks Miles is the way he is cuz his father molested him. Also, he says Miles has a big mouth and blabbed some sexual stuff about him and Andy real loud in Friendly’s. He also talks 10 times more gayish than Andy does.

Tomorrow, I want to go see Paula and get something for Brenda, but I still can’t sleep yet and it’s now 3:17 AM. I was beat before. Sometimes life as a night owl sucks.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 4, 1990

Right now I’m on the phone listening to Fran talk to Bobbie. Andy and I wish to hell Tracy would call us.

I’m turning into a very, very slightly ok artist. Of course, some of my drawings are a wee bit explicit. Guess I’ve been horny lately.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5, 1990

Gee, I have exactly 1 day short of 2 months till I’m 25 years old. A quarter of a century.

My new little kitten, which Brenda got me, is sitting here in bed with me and he’s so loving and so affectionate. The one thing you couldn’t do with Sasha was pick her up and cuddle her or have her come to you and let you cuddle her for more than 3 seconds. His name is Bandit. He’s now trying to distract me from writing by rubbing up against my book and me and giving me kisses. He’s fairly gentle with his claws but when he gets a little older I’d like to get him neutered and declawed. You know I hate being clawed when you’re playing with them. I mean they can just sit or stand on you and their claws hurt like hell. Now he’s playing with my hair which all kittens, cats and babies love to do.

Brenda’s cab broke down yesterday afternoon and while she was at the office, the owner’s wife just happened to be giving away kittens, so that’s how I got him. That was yesterday, the day after Brenda’s b-day. He’s 6 weeks old and looks a lot like Sasha, but Sasha was gray and white. He’s orange and white and his hair’s a little shorter. It’s the same pattern as Sasha’s. I think they’re both tabby cats. He’s so loving and follows me everywhere. And he’s pretty calm and gentle, too. He knows how to pee in his litter box, but he’s still going to have to learn not to go on furniture or chew wires.

I have had absolutely no sneezing fits!!!!!!! And this cat is here to stay till death do it part. My mom was right as far as all my problems being due to smoking and I’ve known it too for quite some time but it was just too scary to admit. It’s scary to think of dealing with withdrawal after quitting but my congestion is getting really bad so I’ve had only 7 or 8 cigarettes today.

The pigs were a little jealous and depressed about Bandit, but otherwise, they’re still the usual loving troublemakers.

I bought Brenda a pair of earrings and a pair of sexy underwear for her b-day and we went to her sister Donna’s house in Palmer. And as I mentioned before, I’ve known her husband Kevin for 4 years. He knew Crystal C, too.

Donna’s a great person who anyone feels comfortable with. The type you could talk to about most anything and who accepts people for what and who they are. The kids were great and Donna’s great with the kids too, and I’d have loved to have someone like her as my mother.

Tomorrow, I’ve got to call John R and maybe I’ll try to leave a message with Dr. Goodman’s receptionist for Tracy, but only once. I also have to call Philip and go to Food Mart. Also, I wonder if Kathy will fix my bangs if I call her. She works at Food Mart and she gave me her number. We went to La Baron together. She hated it too, and she only does it on the side. My bangs really look pretty stupid so maybe she can trim and layer them.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6, 1990

Yesterday, I only smoked 7 or 8 cigarettes. Today, even though I still slept till 9:00 tonight, I’ve had 3 so far. I am very, very congested so that’s part of the reason why I’ve smoked so little. Also cuz I have these sneezing fits and cuz of my wheezing. In 48 hours I’ve smoked only 11 cigarettes so that’s why I’m constantly blowing my nose like there’s no tomorrow. It gets worse before it gets better after you’ve either quit or cut down cuz all that tar and shit starts draining.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 7, 1990

Tracy called me and Andy last night. We were both thrilled to hear from her. I played her the edits which she thought were great. She didn’t contact us, she said, cuz she needed space and time to sort things out.

Last night was awful. I was so full of congestion. I never knew one could have to blow their nose so much. It’s red and sore now and I feel much better now that I drained out all that shit so I guess it was worth the misery. Tomorrow, or today I should say, Bill will be here at 1:00 so I hope I can get a little sleep. I had to sleep all day today as I was so miserable. It’s called “sleeping it off.” I’m thankful I feel much better though and also thankful it wasn’t the flu. Anything but the flu. Smoking very little also helped get rid of it quicker but I couldn’t have smoked much if I wanted to. The funny thing is, though, for the last 3 days I really haven’t had much of a desire to smoke. Today I had 5 or 6 and psychologically I still think of it, but the physical part isn’t too bad.

I love this little kitty of mine to death. I’m so glad Brenda got him for me.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12, 1990

It’s been one week now and I still feel like shit. Oh well. It also looks like I’m gonna have to cancel going to my sister’s tomorrow. One reason’s cuz I feel like shit and the other’s it’s contagious. I don’t want to stand and just look at my nieces from 3 feet away, I want to hold them and hug them. Tammy mentioned going next weekend if I couldn’t make it this time.

Then I’ll be seeing Mom and Dad on the 15th, and it fucking figures I’m sick so I can’t sing.

Yesterday I got 3 journals at an excellent price. I mean a really fantastic deal. Normally the 3 of them would’ve cost close to $24, but I got them for $12 in the secondhand department. I’m glad I discovered that they sell them there which is weird cuz these books are brand new and just as nice as the regular main part of the store.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 22, 1990

I was exhausted before, but as usual, I woke right up. Man, oh man, was I just through a hell of a nightmare since the last time I wrote! I had to go to the ER 3 fucking times and I was terrified! I literally thought I was going to die and it hurt so bad I wished I would drop dead till it was over. I had the worst asthma in my life. They had to take me immediately (usually you wait forever) to give me oxygen treatments, and the last time I had an IV. It was really scary. I could only smoke 3 cigarettes in one week’s time. I’m on Prednisone for 12 days and Bactrim which is an antibiotic for 10 days. Also, I’m on Theodur and Alupent which is the same stuff in my inhaler. Theodur and Alupent are the two most common drugs used for asthma.

I saw Mom and Dad on the 15th and we had a fairly good visit. They came up for about an hour or so. They’re back in Florida now.

I may possibly be going to my sister’s this Saturday. Tammy’s really sick now, too.

Steve and I spliced a wire today so I can edit from the CD player onto the stereo and it sounds great, too. I have plenty of editing to do as well as story writing.

They raised my food stamps to $114, so I did a huge grocery order and I never had so much food in my life, but I really need to lose weight. I’m getting pretty chunky lately.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 23, 1990

Brenda brushed out my hair for me, and God is it getting long. It’s almost to my very lower back and the layers are growing out. The very top layer, though, is completely destroyed. I have massive split ends.

Shadow’s climbing all over me. I think I mentioned before why I changed his name from Bandit to Shadow. He’s like glue. He loves to be near me constantly. Follows me everywhere like a shadow. However, when I go to bed, I shut the bedroom door cuz he always wakes me up.

One thing that’s starting to annoy me is that I’m very bloated. I wanna hurry up and get my period so I drop some water. I don’t want to take my water pill while I’m still finishing up my other medications. I did some exercising and I’m gonna do more later. Also, I’m gonna get more Slim-Fast and eat very little till I drop 10 pounds. It’s funny to say I’m chunky at 105 pounds, but then again I am a very short person, right? It’s not that I weigh too much pound-wise, it’s my shape I guess, I have so much water, too.

I took all my pictures of Gloria down last night. There are only a few in the bedroom. I wanted a change and a break from them so I put them in my file box in my closet. I’ll never throw them out cuz I’ve put so much time and money into them and it’ll be really neat to look back at them someday. Maybe I will put them back up, though, in a matter of months or someday. I still wish I could afford a duplex as I’d make the cellar the music place with the posters, the stereo and keyboards and I wish I had a washer and dryer. By God, I’d love to be able to afford that. I’d have 2 bedrooms, 1½ baths and a dishwasher too, no doubt.

Later…

I’m now watching the premiere of Law & Order. Before this, I saw In the Heat of the Night. Brenda left after Matlock. I put Brenda’s hair in a braid. It looked nice.

I still never got any notification as far as the police exam is concerned. I’m not stupid, though. They’ll never notify me worth shit.

I’m gonna go make some angel hair pasta. It is so good.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 24, 1990

Well, I’m going to need to go to sleep as soon as possible so in order to help myself sleep, I’m gonna listen to music for a while.

Tomorrow morning I’ve got to call Philip about fixing my stereo. I can’t put it off any longer.

Also, I see Martha at 4:00. I’m not sure if I mentioned it but I think she just may have a thing for me. It’s just this feeling I get and it’s also certain things she says and certain ways she says things. Oh well. Of course, I’ll keep my mouth shut about it. She is married, after all, and she also swore she never mixes business with pleasure and that’s fine and respected by me.

I want to go to Caldor’s too, to see if Gloria’s new album is out. I’m not sure of the name of it and it’s not new songs. They’re all old hits, but they’re in Spanish.

Later…

I just finished killing a spider, which like most spiders, was on the ceiling. I sprayed it with lots of Lysol and perfume to get it down so I could swat it.

Today I got this awesome and I mean totally awesome speakerphone I ordered last week. Now I need to make 4 payments of $22 but it’s worth it. I love it. I can be doing something like writing or making coffee and still talking to someone. Also, I can play people the edits which they can hear well and hear their reactions, and if it’s an answering machine, I can hear it beep when it ends. Another thing too, is if my call waiting beeps, I’ll hear that too.

This insurance company’s got a hell of a long machine. Brenda and I passed it on the way home from Baystate Waste after I saw Martha and I said to myself, “I bet they have a machine.”

By the way, Martha definitely has no desire for a woman. She’s 100% straight as an arrow.

Andy’s got company now so he’s gonna call me later, and Fran’s not home. I’m bored and I love this phone so I may as well go and have a field day with it and look under insurance companies in the yellow pages. It does seem like a lot of insurance companies have answering machines.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 25, 1990

I’m still wide awake and probably will be for a while. I’m just having a grand old time with the new phone. There’s a mute button on it too, and you don’t need to keep holding it down like you do on most other phones. You hit it once and a red light glows which tells you it’s in use, and to discontinue the mute, you hit it again and the red light goes off.

A little while ago I listened to the 45 of the song Take a Chance On Me by ABBA. I bought it today at One Stop Records. I always liked that song and I used to have that record. I don’t know whatever happened to it, along with tons of other records. They either got old or I got sick of them or they were stolen.

Later…

Why, oh, why didn’t I stay the fuck off cigarettes!?! I had 3 cigarettes in 1 week and here I go and smoke a whole pack yesterday and today I’ve had close to a pack. What a jerk, huh? I’m gonna go chuck the rest of my pack, try again till I absolutely can’t fight the urge to smoke, and listen to music.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1990

I’m going nuts just sitting around here, so since I can’t have music, I’ve got to find something. Those dickheads never sent me my notice for the police exam, but I figured as much to begin with. I don’t know who’s responsible, therefore, I don’t know who to call to bitch about it. Oh well, like I said, I figured I’d never be notified just like I knew I’d never get that security job at Mercy with John.

Why is it that anything I’d be good at and want to do I just can’t? It just wasn’t meant to be. If I was smart, a long time ago I’d have chosen a career I hate, never want to have a baby and if I’m ever single again, I’d pick all the ones I don’t want or that are just ok. Actually, they pick me, so I should say.

Later…

I tried calling Philip about the stereo but he’s not at work and not answering his phone at home.

Today, I’m gonna go to Food Mart for cat food, stamps, and paper plates. Also, I want to go to Brightwood Hardware in Longmeadow for pig and mice food.

I’m getting tired as hell but I want to push it as far as I can so I sleep somewhat into the night. With my luck, however, after 3 or 4 hours of sleep, I’ll bolt wide awake and not be able to fall back asleep.

I’m really starting to want to work. I need extra money and this being at home all the time bit is really getting to me. But since I can’t sing or be a cop and am too chicken to drive the cab, what can I do other than McDonald’s or something really boring and stupid?

I’m gonna call apartment rental people for general information about duplexes. I know I can never afford it, but it never hurts to get some information. I’ll go get the yellow pages.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1990

I fell asleep at 5:30 PM after being up 21½ hours and of course, almost an hour ago I woke right up. I was kind of hoping I’d sleep till 5 AM. Anyway, guess what I’m doing today at 9 AM? Taking the police exam. I called Boston after talking to Tony today out here on Locust St. during a car accident. He said the people weren’t hurt too bad and that it had to do with insurance and he was tired of supporting the welfare recipients. So, I mentioned the exam to him and some other cop and they said that maybe the test was canceled due to all the layoffs, and to call Boston and check. When I called, I told the woman I never received my notice and she said that they did have trouble with their mailings and asked me for my social security number. I gave it to her and then she read back my name and address and said it was tomorrow morning at 9 AM. It’s at Converse High on State St. They allow you 3 hours for the test, but you’re free to leave when you’re done. There are 100 questions which means I cannot get more than 30 wrong. She said it’ll be 120 days before they mail me my marks. That’s 4 months, unfortunately, and she says there are around 2000 people taking the test. Lastly, she said to bring a birth certificate, a photo ID, and some number 2 pencils. Brenda took me to Shopper’s Drug where she met Emily and Emily gave me the pencils. Well, I bought them, of course. And a pack of cigarettes like a jerk.

I was going to go to Tammy’s tomorrow but Brenda’s got a visit with her kids she can’t cancel and Bill’s here tomorrow and Monday. Maybe Tuesday. Tammy’s gonna be pissed and I understand that and I’m dying to see Sarah, but this test only comes up once every two years.

Later…

It definitely doesn’t look like I’m going back to sleep so I’ll write for a while. I’ve got a CD playing. Fleetwood Mac’s Greatest Hits. It’s pretty good. I like most of the songs on it. Some are boring.

Tomorrow, after the test, I’ve still got to get pig food and a heavyweight bowl for Tigger. I’m getting pretty sick of him either knocking it over or slamming it up against the side of his cage. I’ve got to get food for Gremlin and Shadow, too. Also stamps and paper plates. And it’s also about time to buy another big bail of sawdust. There’s always something to buy. Such as Gloria’s new record.

I think maybe I’ll go hem some more of those pants Kacey gave me.

Later…

Well, I didn’t hem the pants. One pair didn’t quite fit since I gained weight, but I just took my measurements and I’ve gone down an inch since 3 days ago when I started exercising my ass off and taking Slim-Fast. I did, however, hem an old shirt that was almost to my ankles. I brought it up to mid-thigh length. It came out better than I’d thought but I’ll have Brenda check it out to make sure it’s not crooked. I’m not too thrilled with the way it falls but I’ll ask Brenda.

After I take my shower I’m gonna put another coat of nail polish on and I’m not sure yet what I’ll wear. Something casual. I hope after the test and my errands are done that I can catch a couple of hours of sleep so I can go out to the Halloween party at the Pub tonight. I want to wear my new black lace skirt. Part of me hopes Brenda ends up too tired to go so I can observe others without her observing me observe others. But then again we mutually do look at other women and we’re honest with each other. In the long run, Brenda will never have anything to worry about cuz gay women, of course, are a major turn-off to me in general, and it’s against the rules for me to have someone I’m attracted to. Oh well. At least God allows people to be attracted to me which is nice as long as it’s not major sickos. I mean, everyone gets that here and there, but the good thing is, is that as time goes on I’m having an easier time getting better people even if I don’t quite meet my desired standards.

Ok, time for my second coffee, then my shower.

Later…

Brenda dropped me off at 8:30 this morning, and they made everyone who didn’t get their notice to appear for the test go into a room, and they gave us an “appear” card after checking to see if our names were on the list, and also our photo IDs and birth certificates, in which I’ve got to photocopy and mail to Boston.

They had us print and write our names and they compared them with our signatures on our licenses.

There were several butches there and I got stared down good by guys and butches. This Hispanic girl was sitting next to me. I’m not sure, but I think she was gay with the way she gave me this huge smile and waved at me the second I walked in. I sat next to her and we chatted here and there before the test. She urged me to choose South Hadley for 1 of my 4 choices of cities or towns I wanted to work in. My first choice was Springfield, however, and I had no choice cuz you had to pick, for first choice, the place you lived in for the last 12 months. My second choice was East Longmeadow. I would’ve chosen Longmeadow, but it wasn’t listed. My third choice was West Springfield. My fourth choice was Chicopee.

Another thing was that there were two classroom monitors. One man, one woman. The woman constantly stared at me. I caught her once and her face turned bright red. Then after the test, as I was leaving, I could see her grinning to herself with the same red face.

We didn’t start the test till 9:30 and I finished at almost 12:30. I’m not sure whether I passed or failed. There were some tricky questions that I had to go over and over. I’ll know sometime in February. I am anxious though and never have wanted to speed up time so badly in my life. I usually don’t care about time or wish I could stop it and drop dead.

The landlord will be here any minute to fix the heat. Today and all last night I froze my ass off.

I told Tammy I’d be down next weekend and she said she wasn’t mad and that she understood and to think positive about the test.

After the landlord leaves, I hope I can catch a few hours of sleep so I can go out tonight.

I called Philip and told him about the test and he’s happy about it and he asked me to keep him posted. He also told me to call him tomorrow. I called John too, and he was both pleased and proud. Then lastly, I spoke with Andy.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 1990

I wish I was just waking up, but instead, I am wide awake. I slept till 6pm. I’ve been so zonked out cuz I’ve had to be up at a certain time for a certain reason and wasn’t getting enough hours of sleep.

I have many errands to do such as buying pig and cat food. I also need a bail of sawdust, stamps, and to make a photocopy of my birth certificate.

The mouse, who’s getting bigger, is now riding his wheel, and boy is Shadow ever getting big fast.

Andy came over earlier and we made some phone calls to people who had ads in the Advocate to sell things.

Andy’s really upset. He’s having trouble with Miles. Needs to find a job. Needs to pay bills. Got in a car accident which he’s going to have to pay almost $1,000 to fix. It’s not fair that some drunken girl, who did get arrested, slammed into a parked car, then Andy slammed into her, yet Andy’s at fault. He was wearing his seatbelt and the scary thing is, is that if I was in the car, I probably wouldn’t have had my seatbelt on and I’d have gone through the windshield. Who knows how many stitches I’d have to have gotten in my face. There are so many fucked up drivers it’s amazing. And very, very scary, too.

I’m so pissed at myself cuz I just remembered I was supposed to have called Philip 3 days ago, and John, and see Paula.

Later…

I’m writing here on the waterbed and I put the mouse on the floor inside his plastic ball, and Shadow’s having a hell of a time watching him and wishing so desperately to play with him. Or eat him. It’s quite a funny sight to see when he’s in his ball running around with Shadow chasing him. It also was so cute when Shadow was sitting in Toffee’s cage. He doesn’t want to harm the other animals, but he may accidentally cuz his playing may be too rough for them cuz he claws and bites.

Those drawings I did really blew my mind. I never could draw a line on a piece of paper before and I feel good yet weird. It’s like - what’s next? I discover one thing after another I can do. If not perfectly, then better than most.

Here comes Shadow once again to enjoy Gremlin after taking a dump in his shit box.

Me and Andy may possibly go to an audition together early this evening so I hope I get some sleep before then. Right now I’m gonna go listen to music. I haven’t listened at all today. After that, hopefully, I’ll get some sleep, get up early in the afternoon and get my errands done, call John and Philip and maybe even see Paula.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 31, 1990

I deliberately slept till 8:30 this evening as Andy and I couldn’t have auditioned cuz Andy’s without a car till it’s fixed. Brenda’s also without a car, but tomorrow morning at 7:00, she and Kevin are going to look at a car this guy’s selling for $600. Or, I should say instead, they’re going to pick it up. They’ve already seen the car. So anyway, I made myself sleep long and late to reverse my schedule for a week or so. Then it’ll go back to nights till I want to or need to reverse it again.

I’ll tape Unsolved Mysteries, but I’ll have to miss Hunter. I’m also gonna cancel Martha.

Early in the morning, Brenda’s gonna call me so I can get stamps to mail my mail which is all set and ready to go. Also, she’s going to take me to Food Mart, then when she brings me home I’m gonna do laundry.

Tonight I finished putting up my pictures in a different way and it looks really nice. I also changed the cat box and swept the kitchen floor. After I finish my tea, I’ll listen to some music and do some drawing.

Later…

John isn’t working today. Meanwhile, I tried to get a hold of Dr. Statz, but she’s on vacation I guess for a couple of weeks. I don’t know if I wrote about her but one of the 3 times I was in the ER, she treated me. I’m 100% sure the male nurse, working with her was gay and I’m about 85% sure she was gay. I was just totally touched by her and it was weird cuz she wasn’t overly attractive. There was just something about her, you know, like Linda’s song goes; It’s not that you’re attractive, but oh my heart grew active when you came into view. And I had a crush on her. Sweetie pie.

And ever since then, I haven’t forgotten about her. I can hear God too, saying, “Uh-uh, against the rules.” I think he wants me with someone less attractive so I can learn to look at only people’s personalities. But I’d never be with Brenda if she were a bad person. Maybe another reason God has is that if I get dumped, I won’t be as hurt as much as I would be if I were overwhelmed. I still long for that someone with the character and personality I most desire and to feel that special once-in-a-lifetime sexual spark.

Please, God, please! Answer my prayers. Do it someday very soon. Please. God, what if I made a deal with you right here in this book? And that deal is if I promise to try my hardest to quit smoking, then will you think about it? Also, a beginning break with my singing, then I’ll pursue it from there. I hope you put some big and serious consideration into my requests. If singing and having that special someone and a baby are 3 too many things to ask for, then I’ll understand. I’ll settle for the singing and the special person only and give up the baby without ever asking for anything else.

Later…

Around 9:00 this morning Kevin and Brenda came and got me and dropped me off at Food Mart. Then, I waited a good long exhausting wait while Brenda brought Kevin to Palmer, then back to pick me up. After she picked me up she brought me to Shopper’s where I got a photocopy made of my birth certificate and stamps for my mail which I mailed in the box right outside the store.

While waiting for Brenda at Food Mart I saw Allison. We spoke briefly and she said she’d give me a call soon.

So all my errands are done except for Friday when I get the pigs more food and their big bail of sawdust. I still need to call Philip and John and tomorrow I’m definitely, no matter what, going to go see Paula. Jessie’s probably gonna call today. She’s another one I need to see, and she and Brenda can meet each other.

I finally got back here at 10:30 this morning and I fell asleep till 3:30. I’m exhausted but I’m gonna stay this way so that at 11:00 tonight, after Hunter, I can go to sleep. I better not wake up either, like around 3:00 in the morning and not be able to go back to sleep till 6:00 or 7:00, then sleep till mid-late afternoon. I want to be up in the mornings from tomorrow until next Tuesday. That means the next 5 mornings.

Later…

When I got up I made a pork chop and some angel hair pasta and got a call from my sister. Tammy said Ma said to her, “I don’t want Jodi alone for her b-day, Chanukah or Thanksgiving.”

Tammy also said Ma said to drive in and get me in the morning and bring me back the next day. Tammy said she then tried to explain to Mom that it’s impossible with 3 kids, the business, and with Bill working till 6:30 at night. Then Tammy said Ma pulled her typical line of, “Good-bye, Tammy.”

I guess Ma fails to remember that I’m not alone. I’m not single anymore and my girlfriend is fully willing to drive me down this Saturday and for Thanksgiving and also for my birthday and Chanukah which Tammy says she’ll combine into one big party. I mean, Tammy’s right. She can’t up and go drive for that amount of time and it’s pretty strange why Ma’s so concerned about me not being alone for all these things.

I’ve spent them alone before but then again when your own God damn aunt and uncle invite you over for Thanksgiving like they did last year, then conveniently forget to call you and pick you up, that’s not my fault, is it?

Another thing Tammy mentioned is that Ma bragged about all this time she was gonna spend with Tammy, Bill and the kids which turned out to be a joke. Tammy said she wanted to spend the day with me. HA. It was a wonderful hour we had.

All I can say is, I’ve had it with this family shit and I don’t wanna know from nothing. I haven’t had to deal with it for 5 years and I’m not about to deal with it now. Also, I’m not going to Florida either. A week’s vacation isn’t worth a week of her bullshit along with it. I mean, that’s not how my vacation packages or anyone else’s should be. Really, if it were an ad it’d read like this: We’ll give you a week’s free vacation with all expenses paid, but the catch is that you must put up with Dureen O’s bullshit.

Another case of taking the bad with the good. Fuck that!

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