#someone left a similar comment after I posted Chapter 30

[greenerteacups]

Hello! I wanted to let you know how amazing your fic is, it seems my life now revolves around Friday mornings. I think it may be one of my favorite series ever, not just fics, your stuff is better than most published works I have read. I really could go on and on. Suffice to say, thank you x1 million for just putting this out there for us.

I had a couple curiosities! Is it ever hard to restrain yourself and just post 1 time per week? Or is that necessary for your creative process?

Also, your fic is rapidly growing in popularity, do you ever get worried about how that might change your audience?

Thank you again for the amazing thing you've written, I feel super lucky to be reading it in real time because I know this is going to be one of those legendary classics.

Thank you so much! You're wonderfully kind, I really appreciate it, and I hope I can live up to your expectations!

Weekly posting: Posting once a week is actually something I started for my own sanity — posting it regularly/serially is better for audience response, so there's a natural incentive to do it, but it also gives me more time to write ahead. And having all of a book prewritten in advance is really important for me creatively, not only so as to avoid the possibility of cliffhangers, but also to feel immune from the pressure to change the story based on what audiences want.

Growing audiences: Oof, it's been wild. I've been sort of boggled by the response to my little fic; it was entirely unexpected and the most I can do is work hard to deserve it. For the most part, an increasing audience has been a wonderful, wonderful thing, and I've been so grateful for everyone who's been offering support and praise. I'm seriously insanely lucky. My only point of frustration is that, in general, as a fic grows, readers seem to perceive increasing distance between themselves and the author. For instance, people in my comments have increasingly started to address each other instead of me, or have left comments seemingly without the expectation that I'll read them. But when someone comments on the fic, they're still sending that message directly to the author, and I think that some people might... well, they either don't know that, or they don't care. Like, the audience/author distance might be greater than it is for a fic with only 300 hits, but it's not like I'm a showrunner, or some other media production bigwig who'll probably never see 99% of the feedback generated by fans; it's still my pet project that I read basically every scrap of feedback for.

And sometimes (rarely — most of my comments are just so wonderful, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but) people do say weird or unnecessary things. One comment for the last chapter read, "if krum dies im gonna drop this fic ngl," and that just irritated the hell out of me. Like, if that's your opinion, cool. Your reading habits are none of my business, and I sincerely encourage everyone who needs to take a break from Lionheart — or, hell, even loses interest — to go find something that sparks joy instead. Reading fic should bring you pleasure. No hard feelings, swear to God.

But my frustration with that comment, in particular, was: you do realize that you've sent that message directly to my inbox, right? You realize that was the first thing I read when I opened my comments section after a long afternoon of writing? Someone directly informing me, the author, that a narrative decision (which, either way, I already made about 4-5 months ago) will lose me a reader? And how does this person expect me to react? "Oh, no! I have to go back and rewrite 90,000 words of the story — God forbid I lose you, Single AO3 User Who Left No Other Comments! How can I live with myself if you're not here??"

It's just a bit frustrating. And, to the point — I say this politely, with respect — but if you seriously can't handle seeing characters die, then maybe don't read the fanfiction that's rewriting a series where very many characters die. Just a thought.

[geometricalien]

OKAY I finished Life is Strange True Colors and it's time to give my hot trash opinions that no one asked for :) (spoilers will be below the cut)

I avoided almost everything released about this game because I did not want any spoilers whatsoever and I think that served me well.

I also came in with an open mind, I gotta say I was weary since deck nine had all of the control and I didn’t particularly like before the storm that much it was fine though.

All that said True Colors was beautiful. It has excellent graphics, compelling characters and side plots for each character, the power system was new and cool. I wasn't sure how being an empath would translate but it worked well in mechanics, was epic, and suited the theme of not just the game but Alex.

I played for about 10 hours Thursday with some breaks to stretch and get food. So needless to say, I was having a great time.

It has excellent sets and even though the power mechanics are exactly the same each time it's still fresh and creative in how these emotions can shape the world around them.

This is just a personal nitpick nothing actually important, the town is a fictional Coloradan small town and as someone who grew up in a neighboring state with similar small town/mining/outdoorsy communities- or visiting them- the town buildings were fantastic! I loved main street, I've been in towns with that exact same style. But the flower bridge and the deer were just... a tinge over the top, it felt like you were trying to sell "Paradise" way too hard. But besides that I loved the towns vibe!

I felt... a little burnt out being able to play all of the chapters at once, I think part that made the lis community so strong was that it had time to build and react to the episodes together. It gave us time to theorize and make fancontent. Versus binge gaming and shot like a bullet into the air, done too quick. I don’t feel as connected to the characters because I’ve only been with them for 14 ish hours vs months

NOW THAT BEING SAID- the pacing was good, it gave us the reins being able to free roam the map at nearly all times and it never felt like we were being dragged down

Overall, True Colors is a great addition. Had amazing voice acting graphics, characters, and themes. I definitely recommend checking this game out

Spoilers now abound:

Going back to an earlier comment- almost all scenarios where you used Alex's power in depth were fresh and interesting. My favorites being Ethan, Charlotte, and Eleanor. I bring this up because Duckie's was the most dull- which you could say matches because he is normally the life of the party so... feeling empty or dull makes sense for him. But then Pike’s was also similarly lacking in environment, so it didn’t feel as fulfilling

I loved loved loved episode 3. The larping was so much fun and I was tickled with the turn based fighting. I especially loved when Ethan made the world come to life, my heart lifted in pure joy.

The two main romance interests are... interesting. Ryan's insight and caring nature drew me to him the instant we met while Steph sort of came off... as separated? But as we became friends with them both it became super hard to chose. And at the end seeing their reactions to the bomb drop showed so much characterization. Steph's ride or die and Ryan (in my playthrough) just had someone challenge his entire life view of course that's hard to take in within 30 seconds. I got that religious gay trauma, I get it.

This is where I feel spacing out the episodes could've also helped with our fondness of characters. After Ryan didn't believe me I didn't want to pursue him anymore, my affection was weakened

However I chose to forgive both Ryan and Jed despite feeling like I missed the character development to reasonably make that decision. I understand this entire game is shadow work for Alex and it is growing her emotional intelligence by miles but I think I would have preferred more sign postings from the game saying "hey bc of your choices you are growing" which wasn't really true because-

Alex was suppressing her sadness, fear, and anger from her traumatic youth. So in episode 5, reliving all of those moments were the chance to level up in emotional intelligence. It felt odd to learn exactly everything at the very end but again it's okay because she was suppressing just like Jed which made her able to understand his emotions and walk him through them

TALKING ABOUT THAT TALK WHO GOT GIFS??? I NEED TO SEE HER EYES GLOWING AND FLICKERING WITH COLOR

I loved the parallel/bookendings of chapter 1: Side A and chapter 5: Side B, I'm a sucker for that shit

It's obvious that alot of care and heart was put into this game, it has layers and the more you peel back the more it reveals thematically

Now I got to compare it to my biggest criticism of LiS and Before the Storm, and ultimately the reason why I love LiS2 more than either of them. Does your choices actually matter?

LiS? No. The game ended with an ultimatum that made all of your choices in the end not matter and LiS is sold as a "your choices actually matter" type of game so seeing that be a load of malarkey always puts a bad taste in my mouth

Lis:bts? No. It's a prequel. I can admire the idea of "life may be futile but make the most of it" while you can and that definitely encompasses Rachel's side of bts. But that doesn’t negate the fact that this is more a game with a straight plot than LiS

LiS2? YOU GOT 4 ENDINGS AND YOU CAN ONLY CHOSE 2 AND ITS NARROWED DOWN TO HOW YOU PLAYED THIS GAME- THATS WHAT I CALL A CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE/YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

True Colors? I think TC lies somewhere between LiS2 and LiS in this aspect. Its definitely very railed, I think in every one you will get Jed to confess, so it depends on how you go about convincing him, romancing, and deciding your future to... well... decide your future. I can't fault it. It left it up to the player to decide and to not be screwed over by our previous choices (cough cough) and that is the crowd pleasing choice.

So, in the sense that it all feels very railed until the last 15 minutes when they spin us on an ice rink and say "freestyle baby"- it's fine. I'm not mad about it. But it does make me wonder what would've happened if we don't have any of the committee members on our side? Would we leave town effective immediately? Would the truth even have gotten out? Because if that's true... I would bump it up in the "does your choices matter?" 

You make choices and those choices have consequences, sometimes out of your control. That's what LiS2 perfected and what I want to see more in this franchise. 

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 15]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, softdom!seungcheol, blowjob, cum swallowing, restraints/blindfold, daddy!kink, dirty talk, v little hair pulling, orgasm control, squirting, sex toys 😗💕 hope y’all are having a good weekend! As you can see, with this chapter comes the decided amount of chapters 😭 which means! cherry bomb ends on jan. 1st! 😭😭😭 I’m sad about it but!! excited to start the new year with some new projects too!! and I promise it won't be the last of this au either (I'll upload and talk abt a new schedule when it gets closer to time)💕💕 Thank you, as always, for your support with Cherry Bomb and I’m glad some of us have had pavlovian responses when we hear the term now LOOOL😩💕 Enjoy ch15 and have a great weekend! see u tomorrow for the last intro post! 💕🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - x - x - x - x - x 

Seungcheol takes it as a blessing that he doesn’t work on the weekends.

You do your camshow on Friday and upload prerecorded content on Saturday which leaves two whole days of relaxation that the two of you enjoy.

But Monday comes quicker than you anticipate and Seungcheol drops you off to work before he heads back to the roller rink; ignoring the multitudes of texts it seems Jeongguk is sending.

I’ll be at work in 30 minutes, he thinks.

“I’ll be back to pick you up after work, baby!”

You nod back, blowing Seungcheol a kiss through the window before you turn to leave.

Seungcheol’s phone rings 3 more times, brows furrowed.

‘It can wait.’

“Hyung, we’re in trouble… Maybe?”

Jeongguk’s big puppy eyes stare back at the older male and he can already feel the blood draining from his face at the potential reasons that the younger male would even say that. “Um… is---is this pertaining to why you tried calling like 14 times?” Jeongguk nods, tugging on Seungcheol’s shirt and pulling him in closer.

“Before you say anything… Namjoon-hyung didn’t find out, did he?”

“Find out about what?”

“That I… cam… I don’t want to get fired because I--”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes, “Listen, I’m gonna be real, I don’t think he cares. The problem is… remember that dude that came in? A couple weeks ago. Lookin’ for a job.”

Seungcheol nods slowly; trying to remember the male’s name. “Seok--something, right?” Jeongguk nods.

“Apparently, he came back, and at the right time too. Namjoon hired his ass on the spot and he starts tomorrow. I heard from Seokjin.” Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as he stares and waits for Jeongguk to continue. “... And? How is that trouble for us?”

Jeongguk lets out an over dramatic sigh, hands on Seungcheol’s shoulders. “Nevermind, I forgot you’re making bank on those videos. I was gonna say, we might get a pay cut! Or maybe Joon-hyung’s trying to replace us but I guess that’s not a ‘you’ problem.”

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, shaking his head before patting Jeongguk’s hands.

“You’ll be okay. I don’t think anyone is coming for your concession stand job.”

The next day when Seungcheol makes it to work, he can’t help but have a weird feeling in his gut.

Much like the time when he first met Jun, there’s an indescribable feeling bubbling up in his body that he can’t seem to shake off once he arrives at the roller rink and the sight of Jeongguk with the new employee doesn’t help to settle the feeling at all.

Just before he can make his escape, the younger male waves him over; a cheery smile plastered on his face when Seungcheol starts walking over.

“Hyung! It’s the new employee!”

So much for panicking about being replaced, Jeongguk.

Seungcheol smiles at the other male, introducing himself swiftly before extending a hand to shake. “Ah! I remember you! I’m Seokmin! I’m the same age as Jeongguk!” Seungcheol’s lips part as he nods in understanding; that had been why Jeongguk seemed so okay with it all of a sudden.

Seokmin’s eyes form crescents when he smiles and Seungcheol takes a second to do a once over of the other male; noting the pins tacked to his denim jacket. His eyes hone in on a specific one, narrowing once he realized what it was.

It’d been a while ago now, but when you’d hit 5k subscribers to your camming channel, you had made only three of the same pin, which you had raffled and only gave to three winners.

By nature, Seungcheol was one of them, and the other two were ‘xcaliburDK’ and ‘gentleman_josh95’. Seungcheol could deduce from usernames alone that this wasn’t ‘Josh’ so it only left one option left; albeit Seokmin didn’t add up to the username either.

“Hyung? Hyung, are you okay? You’re spacing out.” Jeongguk waves a hand in the elder’s face as Seungcheol shakes himself from his thoughts.

He’d just have to figure it out later.

Although, he can already feel the groan spilling from his lips.

Why was everyone popping up now?

When he picks you up from work, later that afternoon, he can already tell something is off about you too.

You slink into the passenger’s seat of his car, quiet and a little jittery. “You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He comments, watching as you fumble with the seatbelt.

“Yeah it’s just… Can we talk about it when we get home? I think I’m still recovering from the weird experience I had earlier.”

Nodding, Seungcheol reaches over, placing his palm in yours in a means of comforting you; even just a little.

“Guess we both have had weird days, huh?”

You can’t thank Seungcheol enough for how patient he is.

He doesn’t say a word in the car and lets you have your quiet, cool down time before you get home.

But when the lock slides into place and you finally plop down onto the bed, you know it’s finally time to have the talk that you knew was brewing.

“I met another one of my regulars at the diner today.” You mumble; beating Seungcheol to the punch of him asking.

“Weird, I think I ran into one of your regulars at the roller rink today too. He works there now, by the way.”

The two of you share an awkward laugh as Seungcheol lays down next to you; neither of you bothering to change out of your outside clothes as you bask in the oddly similar occurrences. “Wouldn’t happen to be ‘universe_WZ’ would it? He came by the diner earlier, ‘just passing through town’ he said. It was so weird though, y’know? Him and Jun kinda got along ‘cause apparently they’re born in the same year.” You smile at the memory, despite how odd it was at first. “He was quiet and Jun is very much not. I think he bailed earlier than he wanted ‘cause his ear was getting talked off. But he asked me for an autograph on the way out and some old lady stared at me. It was just… a little weird.”

Seungcheol laughs; somewhat glad that your experience hadn’t been as bad as he was expecting.

“How ‘bout you, ‘Cheol? What was that about him working with you?”

The male groans, sliding a hand down his features. “It was… somethin’ else.” You turn on your side to face him, raising a brow.

“Couldn’t be that bad, could it?”

Seungcheol laughs, but only in the way he knows that the next words out of his mouth will sound ridiculous, even to you.

“I’m not going to say who it is because I don’t want you to be extra weirded out. He’s an okay guy, very diligent about his work. But let’s just say I caught a glimpse of his wallpaper, which was you by the way. And when I asked him, ‘hey, is that your girlfriend?’, the fucker lied and said yes!”

It takes a second before you’re letting out a boisterous laugh; tears springing to your eyes at the hilarious encounter Seungcheol had experienced.

“You’re not mad!?” He comments, eyes wide as saucers as he watches you curl up in laughter. “I thought you’d be mad!” You wipe a tear from your eye, catching your breath before you turn back to Seungcheol who watches you in confusion.

“No way, that’s fuckin’ hilarious! And let’s be real, probably not the first time someone’s lied about me being their girlfriend, right? But I--he doesn’t know, does he? That you’re… y’know, ‘dom.cheol’?” Seungcheol blushes, cheeks blooming a pale pink when he thinks about it.

Would his voice be enough to give it away?

“I don’t… know? He didn’t say anything but neither did I, honestly. It was just… weird. And now I work with him so that’ll be fun. Can’t wait for him to tell me how cute his girlfriend is.” He grumbles.

“Awww, is widdol Swungcheol jealous?” You blink cutely back at him; a teasing smirk on your lips when you see him narrowing his eyes back at you.

“Watch it, brat. You know I can punish you at any time, right?”

“Try me, then~”

Seungcheol mentally logs into his brain and waits until your Wednesday show before he makes a move.

He brings his favorite silk ties from his closet and places them on the bed while you get changed; a sly smirk on his face.

“‘Okay, ‘Cheol I’m--whoa.” You bite your lip when you step out and see the array of ties and the vibrator already sitting on the bed. “Um… I take it that these are part of the show tonight?” You end with a shy giggle; body already warm at the way Seungcheol looks at you.

“Mmhmm. For the ‘lil jealous comment you made. What was it that you said? ‘Try me, then’?” He grins in a way that you know you’re screwed and you saunter up to him in hopes of maybe pacifying him a little.

“Too late to say that I take it back?”

“Waaaay too late, baby. Now, let’s get started.”

chwenon has donated $50

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

artist8hao has donated $75

artist8hao: she’s so pretty with her hands tied behind her back like that

angelhan: shibari next time???

universe_WZ: she’d be so pretty all tied up

universe_WZ: rly nice seeing u btw ;)

therealchan99: where tf are all of u seeing her!?!?? I need to go out more im lackin bro

alphagyu97: its the way u walk into every set up for me

Seungcheol chuckles under his breath, reading the comments with his hand tangled in your hair and your arms tied behind your back as you work your mouth up and down on his cock.

Before the show had even started, he had quickly rearranged the setup so that the camera was angled down towards the space in front of the bed instead of where it usually faced which was on top of the bed. You were a little confused at first when he had nodded and told you to start your camshow from the rug placed underneath you but it soon made sense when he had tied your arms behind your back and made you suck him off with your knees digging into the rug and a silk tie tied into a bow around your eyes to prevent you from seeing.

“Shibari, huh? Ooh, wouldn’t it be a treat for your viewers if you did a show where you were all tied up? I’d have to start it for you, or maybe they’d like to watch the process and see how quickly I can get you to fall apart.” Seungcheol pauses; hips canting up slightly into your mouth as you swallow and gag around him. “We can make it an extra long camshow… Maybe a pay-per-view situation. They can watch you squirm and cum all night long while I keep a vibrator pressed against your clit until your cute body is trembling.”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head even if Seungcheol can’t see it and you moan around his cock when you feel him throbbing in your mouth.

The sound of donations and comments is all you can go off of with your back towards the camera and your vision taken away; noting that the viewers must’ve liked the idea.

j__min has donated $150

j__min: popping in to say if u need help buying ropes, i know a guy ;)

alphagyu97: wait is this rly happening

alphagyu97: i’ll clear my schedule gentleman_josh95: yea same

xcaliburDK: i just started a new job i cant have any sick days plz… at least reupload it for me 😭😭

Seungcheol smirks when he reads that particular comment; fingertips massaging your skull when he hears you whining. “I know, baby. You wanna be fucked, huh? It isn’t nice being teased, right? So now you know how I feel~” In a blink of an eye, ‘xcaliburDK’s comment is buried and Seungcheol is thankful that you didn’t see it. He’d just have to keep it a secret for now while he played along and listened to what else Seokmin had to say about his so-called ‘girlfriend’.

You rub your thighs together; already feeling the slickness on them from how wet you already were and how long you’d been teasing and sucking his cock.

“Fuck, I could cum down your pretty ‘lil throat and then make you work for my cock. Drag your punishment out even longer than your viewers would see.” You moan around his cock in response and Seungcheol can only take it as a whiny ‘no’ before he’s pulling you off of him by the hair; soft sputters and coughs spilling from your wet lips as you catch your breath.

“But I think you’ve earned your orgasm, hmm? What do you say, princess?”

Your throat feels hoarse and your body feel obscenely hot at the way Seungcheol doesn’t seem to want to take off your restraints just yet. “Y-yes, daddy I--I want to c-cum… pl--please.”

tangerine_kwan: ahhh shes so cute

tangerine_kwan: petition for baby pink ties next time i think they suit her

sleepy_wonu: if that shibari show is happening, yes

“We’ll talk about it later, although I don’t think she’ll be opposed to it~” You furrow your brows; wondering what Seungcheok was referring to. 

You’d ask later.

“D-daddy…?”

Seungcheol tugs you slightly by your hair, urging you up as you slowly stand on shaky legs. You let him take the reins as he unties your arms and repositions you until you’re bent over the edge of the bed; left leg folded atop the bedsheets while your right leg keeps you upright. He keeps your blindfold on but lets you keep your arms loose; which you find out fairly quickly, is for good reason.

The buzzing of the vibrator makes you bite your bottom lip and soon enough, Seungcheol places the toy in your clammy hand.

“You’re gonna slide your hand under your body and keep that vibrator pressed against your clit while I fuck you. And you’re not allowed to cum unless I say so. Am I understood, baby?” You feel Seungcheol teasing you as he slides his cock through your soaking folds before circling the tip around your entrance.

“I expect a response when I ask you a question, sweetheart.”

“Y--yes, daddy, I--ah!”

Seungcheol grins as he slides his cock into your tight cunt; watching as you slowly sandwich your arm between your body and the bed sheets to place the vibrator against your clit. You cry out, a mess of sharp whines and jumbled words spilling off your lips with the combination of Seungcheol’s thrusts and the vibrations on your clit.

“Ngh, d--daddy! Fuck me m-more!”

Your other hand digs into the sheets, fingers tight around the fabric as Seungcheol fucks you from behind. He knows your body like the back of his hand and he quickly already has you on the verge of an orgasm despite only having started fucking you, moments prior.

“Don’t cum, princess~” Teasingly, he alternates from quick snaps of his hips that have his cock slamming into your g-spot to slow thrusts that have you remembering every groove and vein of his cock when he pulls out. And when he fucks you like this, it’s easy to forget the camera was even on and that people were watching; if not for the constant pinging of comments and donations that mix in with your moans, Seungcheol’s harsh breaths and the sound of the vibrator against your clit.

hoshi_tiger_xx: hmm but shes obv being punished and we all kno good girls dont get creampies

therealchan99: ur right,,, where should he cum then?

kitty_junjun: my votes on her tits

kitty_junjun has donated $75

sleepy_wonu: maybe all over her back and then post the pics in the private room

xcaliburDK: or raffle them!! I want them

chwenon: ooo cum in her mouth but dont let her swallow

chwenon: then u can raffle those pics or sth

Neither you nor Seungcheol are even paying attention to the comments that fly past on the screen and the only thing Seungcheol even turns slightly for, is to check to make sure he’s still properly out of frame.

He can already feel you tightening up around him and with the vibrator on your clit, he knows for a fact you won’t last much longer before you’re cumming.

“Hmm, princess, I can feel you getting so tight around me. Bet you wanna cum already, huh?”

“D-daddy, I dunno, ah, how--how much longer I can h-hold off…” You mumble; already feeling the tension in your body ready to snap at any second.

“Be a good girl. I said you earned your orgasm but you need to be patient.” You nod to the best of your ability; head feeling heavy and fuzzy as you try to stave off your orgasm for a little longer. “Y--yes, daddy…” He slows down his thrusts in order to help you a little and the soft praises that fall from his lips have the warmth blooming in your chest.

But it doesn’t last long because despite Seungcheol’s valiant efforts, you’re already too close to cumming to stop yourself when you feel the pressure building up too fast.

“Oh, d-daddy, I---I can’t, I---I can’t, I have, ah, to---to c-cum! Fuh--fuck, ‘m s--sorry!”

Seungcheol can’t even manage a word in before he feels his cock being forced out of your pussy and the wetness that squirts all over his cock and lower half. Loud cries and whines are all you can manage in the thrums of pleasure and the grip you have on the vibrator only tightens as you grind against the toy to ride out your high.

Seungcheol takes the time to wrap a hand around his cock as he strokes himself; body turned halfway towards the laptop to see what everyone was saying.

hoshi_tiger_xx: uh ohhh pretty baby came without permission

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

hoshi_tiger_xx: donation for squirting tho

alphagyu97: ugh look at her cute lil hole begging to be filled up

angelhan: bet she’s feeling empty rn huh

Your soft mewls have Seungcheol turning back to face you; eyes trained on your twitching body when the pleasure starts to ebb away and the overstimulation from the vibrator starts to bite. “Daddy… the---the, mmh, toy…”

“You can turn it off, sweetheart.” His tone is clipped and you already know you’re in for it once you manage to find the switch on the silicone toy. You turn it off and slide your hand from underneath you; palms flat against the sheets as you sniffle.

“I--I’m really s-sorry, I--I couldn’t--”

“I want you on your knees again, princess.”

Nodding shakily, you ease your bent leg down as you maneuver yourself onto your knees; hands already searching for Seungcheol before you hear his small ‘ah, ah, ah’s.  “Hands behind your back and tongue out, baby.” You follow his orders as you clasp your hands behind your back and diligently open your mouth and stick your tongue out as far as you can.

He brings his cock towards your face, tapping his cock head against your tongue before he starts to jerk himself off over your mouth and face. “I gotta hand it to you, princess. At least you apologized.” Seungcheol laughs under his breath, “But next time though? I won’t even let you have my cock.”

You whimper in return, brows furrowed under the silk tie.

“Fuck, ‘m gonna cum all over this pretty face.” His grip on his cock tightens and he thrusts into his palm quicker as he chases his high. “Don’t worry. I’ll take pretty pictures of your cum stained face.”

Seungcheol groans as he feels the coil in his body snapping and not a second later do you feel warm rivulets of cum hitting your cheeks and your tongue. Some of it manages to catch on the silk tie as you moan. The donations and comments pour in like water as Seungcheol continues to cover your face in cum and for the umpteeth time, you’re reassured that this was a path that worked out for you.

It was so silly that you’d thought of quitting camming earlier. 

Although, you never brought it up to Seungcheol.

In actuality, there were quite a few things that you’d never brought up to Seungcheol.

“Fuck…” He mutters from above you and it’s enough to bring you out of your thoughts as you hold still. Seungcheol takes the hint, using a sticky cum covered hand to reach for his phone to snap pictures of you; he’d just clean it up later.

“Say cheese~” He laughs, taking a couple photos before tossing his phone onto the bed as you draw your tongue back into your mouth and swallow down the warm salty substance that managed to hit your tongue.

Seungcheol helps you up from the floor, pouting when he sees how red your knees have gotten. “Hmm, think I need to take care of my princess after this.” He helps take your blindfold off and you’re quick to blink the fogginess away as  you try to focus on Seungcheol’s face before peering over to the laptop’s screen.

Your cheeks burn hot at the cum that still stains your cheeks when you see  yourself but the comments that flood in calling you pretty make you giggle.

“Ooookay. I think daddy is gonna get all cleaned up and I’ll wrap up here?” You check in with Seungcheol, who shoots you a nod and a small thumbs up before slinking completely out of the camera’s view.

“Okay guys, now what were you all talking about while I was on my knees?”

You get out of the shower feeling refreshed; tossing on a loose shirt before skipping out of the bathroom.

Seungcheol is cozied up on the sofa, waiting on the food that the two of you had ordered right after you ended your show. “‘Cheollie~” He turns to you as you plop down next to him and he’s quick to wrap an arm around your shoulders as he tugs you into his side.

“Feeling better?”

“Mmhmm~ A ‘lil sleepy but I can go for that food and then sleep.”

The two of you share a laugh, eyes focused on the movie that plays on the TV. “Say…” You start, “Someone asked a good question in the comments after you stepped out.” You gulp; palms a little clammy.

You just had to know.

“Yeah? Was it about the shibari camshow again?”

“No, actually…” You take a deep breath, telling yourself it’d be okay regardless of what he said.

“Seungcheol, am I your girlfriend?”

[minmotl]

Chapter 30: Sui Zhou is Upset That Tang Fan Wants Him to Marry

Context: Follows directly after Chapter 29. We left off at Sui Zhou bringing Tang Fan home to see his grandmother. Grandmother loves Tang Fan and after the dinner, Sui Zhou is unhappy that Tang Fan is pushing for him to get married. At the end of this chapter, Sui Zhou is called away for business and Tang Fan ends up being taken to the palace by Wang Zhi.

Introduction Post | Masterpost

—

Highlights under the cut

Sui Zhou says this in such a domineering manner that everyone is stunned speechless for a moment, glaring at Sui Zhou.

This is not Tang Fan’s place to say anything. In the first place, he does not have any right to speak out, but this does not hinder him from habitually using the eyes he usually applies on his cases to analyse the personalities of the people before him. Brushing his eyes past them, from the way they talk and act, plenty is revealed.

For example, Sui Zhou’s parents are both honest people, otherwise when Sui Zhou’s sister-in-law Lady Jiao spoke, Sui Zhou’s mother would have spoken out to stop her. And also, taking a look at Sui Zhou’s brother and the way he kept mum, this is actually quite similar to the way Sui Zhou is, but Sui Zhou doesn’t speak because he finds no need to. When he is analysing a case and is required to speak, he always says only as much as is necessary, while Sui Zhou’s brother seems to simply be a man of few words and is quiet out of character and habit.

Tang Fan shakes his head inwardly. He heard Sui Zhou say before that Sui An wanted to take the Imperial Examination, but with this kind of personality, even if he manages to get lucky and is selected, it’s likely that he would not last as an official for long. Which high-ranking official is fond of a subordinate who refuses to speak?

Compared to her husband, Lady Jiao is talkative and knows how to adapt to her situation, but she’s too eager to bring attention to herself. Her elders are both honest people and cannot keep her in check, so she probably does as she wants when she’s at home. No wonder Sui Zhou ended up moving out.

With Sui Zhou’s declaration, Tang Fan can no longer keep silent. Taking a step forward, he puts up both his hands in greeting to Madam Zhou, “I am Tang Fan, courtesy name Run Qing. Madam Zhou you can just call me Run Qing. I am a judge at Shun Tian Prefecture and a good friend of Guang Chuan’s. Today I’ve brought my younger sister Ah Dong to celebrate Madam Zhou’s birthday, I wish Madam Zhou an abundance of fortune and to live a long life.”

Ah Dong greets Madam Zhou obediently as well, “A thousand fortunes for Madam Zhou.”

Then, she brings the present they brought with them to Madam Zhou.

Madam Zhou laughs openly, “Good, good! Since you are close to our family, then there is no need to be too fussy. It’s so rare for my Ah Zhou to bring a friend home and wish me well for my birthday, I can tell that you must be a good child. The young lady looks beautiful and smart, this is good, this is good!”

It is a popular trend in recent years to open gifts in front of everyone as it doesn’t matter if the gift is cheap or expensive, as long as it is well-thought out, the person celebrating their birthday would be happy.

Lady Jiao takes the gift box and pulls at the string over the box, opening it. She sees a Longevity Peach carved out of jade. The colour of the jade is warm and the item is both intricate and cute. The size of a palm, it’s most suited to be played with in one’s hands.

For Madam Zhou’s birthday, the palace also sent some gifts over, but she has been frugal all her life and does not wish to announce it, so her birthday banquet simply involves her daughter’s family and a dinner. Seeing this gift, Madam Zhou is both stunned and flattered, “It’s good enough that you came, why did you splurge on such an expensive gift?”

Tang Fan smiles, “I didn’t spend any money on it. I don’t mind letting Madam Zhou know that my salary is low, if I really was to buy it I wouldn’t be able to afford it. This Longevity Peach is an heirloom passed down in my family, and since my parents and elders are no longer around, I took it out as a gift to give to you, I hope Madam Zhou does not refuse or dislike this gift!”

He may have said this humbly, but just from the colour composition of the jade, Sui Zhou knows that the price of this jade peach is not cheap and it looks like the jade has aged well. To be able to collect and keep something like this, it’s clear that the Tang family was well off.

From this gift, it is enough to see the Tang Fan’s thoughts and well wishes.

Madam Zhou is the Empress Dowager’s sister and the Sui family as seen plenty of powerful officials and wealthy individuals. The Ming dynasty also has a tradition of respecting the elderly, so instances of an old lady yelling at an official on the streets, lambasting them to the extent of carriages carrying officials having to move around the elderly are possible. When Sui Zhou first introduced Tang Fan as a judge from Shun Tian Prefecture, the Sui family was not the slightest bit shocked. After all, Sui Zhou’s father and brother both have titles within the ranks of the Embroidered Uniform Guards.

With this jade longevity peach however, Lady Jiao takes the hint and shuts up.

Madam Zhou is still shaking her head, “Don’t spend so much money the next time! It’s good enough that you are visiting. I’m really happy to see the both of you!”

Tang Fan grins, “That’s where you’re wrong, Madam Zhou. When it comes to your eightieth, ninetieth birthdays in the future, not only will I spend, but I will spend even more! When that time comes, I will find a bigger longevity peach for Madam Zhou!”

Madam Zhou is so tickled by that, that she burst out in laugher, “Such a glib tongue, Run Qing. You’re more than a hundred times sweeter than Ah Zhou and Ah An. It must have difficult for you to be able to be friends with Ah Zhou. If he bullies you, you must tell me, I will support you!”

Listening to this, why does Tang Fan feel as if he’s about to marry Sui Zhou? Then again, he supposes that Madam Zhou is already so old, sometimes she may speak without thinking, and so Tang Fan brushes the comment off with a smile.

Although it is a family banquet, but the dishes on the table were obviously intricately cooked. While the Sui family isn’t fond of words, with Tang Fan around, he manages to entertain Madam Zhou well. Sui Zhou’s sister Sui Bi is older than Ah Dong is by a few years, but the two young ladies become fast friends and shortly after begin to talk in low voices with one another.

In comparison, Sui Zhou’s parents and older brother look to be guests at the table instead. They don’t say much and concentrate on eating from the start to the end. Lady Jiao of course wants to interrupt and say something, but Madam Zhou seems to not be fond of speaking to her. Holding Tang Fan’s hand, she continues to talk to him. Once she hears that Tang Fan’s parents died early and his older sister is married off out of the city, and moreover, Tang Fan has yet to marry, she sighs, “What a poor thing. Being an official in Jing city all on your own, and you don’t even have a soulmate to accompany you at your side no matter what. Someone of your character, I’m guessing the matchmaking ladies must have been dying to step through your doors. What kind of women do you like? Come, tell me, I’ll help you look around!”

Once Tang Fan hears this, his skin goes numb and quickly, he uses Sui Zhou as his shield, “Madam Zhou, I remember that Guang Chuan seems to be older than me by a few years, I’m sure he’s more eager to get married than I am?”

He’s just finished speaking when he feels someone staring at him from the side, obviously unhappy with the way Tang Fan is creating trouble for him by diverting it from himself to Sui Zhou.

“Run Qing has high expectations, don’t randomly connect the red string for him,” Sui Zhou speaks, finally shifting the old woman’s attention from Tang Fan to him.

Madam Zhou is unhappy with what he said, “Nonsense, will you not marry if you have high expectations? It’s no trouble for me to go and find the Empress Dowager and let her pick some, if he doesn’t like a common woman, I’m sure a princess or a royal member will do?”

Tang Fan doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh and is about to stop her, but Lady Jiao sourly half jokes, “Madam Zhou you’re really biased. You haven’t known Run Qing for even half a day and you’re already helping him to find a match, if people didn’t know, they would think you took in another grandson!”

Madam Zhou chuckles, “Run Qing this child and I get along well, so what if I play matchmaker for him? Don’t tell me you want this too? I’m of course more than happy to get Ah An someone from the royal family, but then you’ll have to give up your position, no?”

At that, Lady Jiao becomes silent.

Tang Fan manages to convince Madam Zhou to dismiss the idea for now, and after the meal, Ah Dong and Sui Bi look to be getting along well as well, and so she’s invited to stay for the rest of the day. Tang Fan and Sui Zhou then bid Madam Zhou farewell with the promise of coming to visit her often, and it’s only then they are allowed to leave.

After exiting the house, Tang-daren wipes at his cold sweat, “Guang Chuan, the old lady in your family is really persistent. Luckily I did not give in, otherwise Madam Zhou would really have gone into the palace and asked for a princess from the Empress Dowager for me!”

“Is a princess no good?” asks Sui Zhou.

It sounds as if Sui Zhou is teasing him, but the man’s face is cold as ice, even the way he speaks is cold and without feeling. However, Tang Fan has long gotten used to this poker face of his and does not mind, only shaking his head with a laugh.

Is marrying a princess good or not? All women that exist are precious and treasured despite their status and are naturally good. However, becoming a Prince Consort by marrying a princess, this means he will not be able to participate in politics. Even those who were originally officials will have to quit their roles and go home, but this rule is aimed only at civil officials. For officials in the military, this rule is not enforced as strictly. For example, the Prince Consort Jing Yuan who died protecting the late Emperor during the Tu Mu Fortress Rebellion was also an official and was allowed to lead the army during wars.

However, for civil officials this is a death sentence! After marrying a woman from the royal family, their careers are as good as dead, so men with ambition see marrying women from the royal family as turning their backs on their careers. While Tang Fan does not obsess over his position, but he has after all studied so hard for more than a decade, all to continue on his life’s path to service the people and be able to do something for them.

After their meal, they steadily walk back home in the direction of their house to digest the food they just ate. Their steps are slow and steady, as if they are very relaxed and free.

Tang Fan then teases him, “But Madam Zhou said something right. You’re not young anymore, you should be getting married. Don’t wait a few more years and by then no one will want you.”

Sui Zhou glances at him, “You truly wish for me to get married?”

Without waiting for him to reply, Sui Zhou adds, “If I marry, you will have to move out.”

Tang Fan nods, “That makes sense, after all, we have to prevent tongues from wagging.”

“You’ll have to find a house on your own.”

“Houses in Jing city are really hard to find,” Tang Fan sighs.

“In a few years, when Ah Dong is old enough to marry, you’ll have to cook by yourself again.”

“That makes sense…” Then he considers that again and finds that the prediction is wrong, and adds, “Then I can go find one to marry too, no?”

“And let her find out that you’re writing erotica fiction, and that it’s selling pretty well?”

“…”

“Or maybe you’d like to explore further with her, let her write some, so that she can contribute to the family expenses as well.”

Tang Fan laughs, “It wouldn’t be so bad?”

“Judging from your current salary, aside from your massive food expenses whenever you run out to eat, when Ah Dong marries, you still have to put together a dowry for her and then after you get married, you will need to feed one more person. When you have children, that’s even more mouths to feed.”

The more Tang-daren hears, the greener his face becomes.

Sui Zhou continues to analyse it, “And it’s also likely that you will end up marrying someone like my sister-in-law, if our wife is not virtuous, that is disaster for the family that will end up harming your children and grandchildren.”

“Don’t say anymore,” Tang-daren says weakly, “Marrying a woman is so scary, I think I won’t marry any time soon.”

Sui-baihu makes a noise of assent, his expression stern and firm, obviously having the same thoughts as Tang Fan.

[takingcourage]

The Best of the Best

Pairing: M!Cassian x MC 

Word Count: 2,950

Summary: Kellen decides it’s high time to treat Cassian to some of the finer things in life. 

Note: This is one of those fics that’s no longer relevant to the plot, but has been taking up space in my drafts for ages and needs to be booted out for the sake of my sanity. I guess it’s set somewhere before chapter 12? Regardless, it features some backstory and a more gradual recognition of feelings than the one we got in canon.  

Craning his neck, Cassian tried to catch a glimpse his of collar in the bathroom mirror. Still brushing his teeth with his right hand, he snaked his left behind him to smooth the wrinkle that bent the structured band. His hair would likely disguise any such imperfections, but that didn’t matter. It was the principle of the thing. 

This was the first evening he and Kellen had gone out since their arrival in Nantucket, and he wasn’t going to do it halfway.

He completed a final lap across his teeth and spit into the sink. Once finished, he rinsed off the brush and laid it in his toiletry bag. Drawing back his hand, his eyes rolled toward the ceiling. The footsteps coming from the bedroom had become sharper -- more pronounced. 

Kellen had put on her shoes. 

It won’t be long now, he reasoned, taking one last look at his appearance in the bathroom mirror. His hair still looked a little windblown from the hours he’d spent working on the outside of the cottage, but the helmet would soon negate any efforts he made to improve it. He made a note to double-check his teeth, then realized his mouth was already open from smiling. 

It wasn’t the first time something similar had happened over the last few weeks. Living with Kellen had been more enjoyable than even his wildest expectations might have predicted. 

Cassian heard the click of heels on the stairs seconds before she appeared in the open doorway. 

“Please ignore the fact that you’ve already seen me in this dress. If we were back in Boston, I’d have a whole closet of them to pick from, but, you know...” 

He couldn’t help laughing at her nonchalant shrug. “This one suits you. You could wear it every day and you’d never hear me complain. You look gorgeous.” 

It had been over a month since they’d locked eyes on that rooftop in Boston, but he still had to do a double take every once in a while. Tonight, with her dark berry lipstick and her hair styled into a low bun, Kellen was positively enchanting. 

She dressed up for me. 

He knew it wasn’t quite true, but that didn’t stop the pleasure from swelling his chest at the notion. For the thousandth time in the last five weeks, he tried to censure himself -- an increasingly difficult task where she was concerned. 

“You're making me feel underdressed, if I’m honest,” he continued, hoping his mind would accompany the words instead of remaining stuck on her appearance. “What is this about, anyway?”

“You look perfect.” She pinched the point of his collar between her fingers and gave him an appreciative once over. “And I’m taking you out to dinner: that’s all you need to know,” she challenged, sapphire eyes blazing.

Cassian’s mouth went dry as she released her hold. “Have you forgotten that I’ll be the one driving us to this surprise? I’ll need to know eventually.” 

“I’ll give you directions as we go. It’ll be more fun.” 

Forehead against the doorjamb, he let out a groan of apprehension. “I thought we decided you weren’t going to do that again.” Her methods of giving directions from the back of a Vespa were very...creative.  

“I’ll keep my hands to myself this time.” 

A quiet cough was enough to call her bluff. 

“Mostly.” 

“That’s what I thought.” 

She answered the accusation with a cheeky smile before her eyes fell on the stovetop clock. “Our reservation is for 6:30. We’d better get moving.” 

Slipping the keys from his pocket, he motioned toward the door. “I’ll follow you,” he promised, resigning himself to a very long ride into town. 

_____

“What is this really about?” He asked a second time, some half-hour later. Leaning back in his chair, he tried to perform a scan of the restaurant’s other occupants, but his eyes kept landing back on Kellen. 

Candlelight danced on her skin as she pondered his question. If he hadn’t been so intent on hearing her response, he could have easily become lost in the sight of her. The beauty mark on her collarbone, the way the light caught on the dainty line of her chin, the flush of pink still on her cheeks from the ride over... He watched the shadow cross her perfect lips as they parted to answer.

“Breaking up the monotony. Testing some of Nantucket’s best food. Showing you the finer things in life.” 

“Ah.” He wasn’t sure the answer had told him any more than he’d already known. 

Whatever her intentions, this definitely wasn’t a date -- even if instinct kept trying to tell him otherwise. The lines between his conduct were so blurred that even he couldn’t guess his true motivations. Holding open doors, pulling out chairs -- they were things he’d done for the sake of courtesy since he was a child. But here with Kellen, he knew that more than politeness was driving his actions.

But Cassian wasn’t going to bring that up in conversation. Instead, he inclined a brow. “No fish ’n’ chips, then?” 

“Have you looked at the menu?”

He had, but he made a show of perusing it a second time. There were dishes he’d only vaguely heard of, most of them paired with prices that seemed anything but reasonable. 

“It’s restaurant week,” she reminded. “That means the food is affordable and there are a lot of people for us to blend in with,” she told him in undertones, as though sensing his worry. 

“You could never blend in, Kellen.”

The woman demurred, taking a sip of her wine to hide her smile. When she replaced the glass, she crooked a finger to draw him close. “The low light helps. It’s one of the reasons I picked this restaurant,” she confided in a half-whisper. 

Cassian pulled away with a proud grin. Kellen was getting savvier all the time. It should have come as little surprise, given how she’d excelled at anything else she put her mind to. But for whatever reason, it had taken far longer for caution to become second nature.  

She caught his eye and flashed a subtle wink.”Told you I’d thought this through.” 

“I’m sure not going to complain. You know how I feel about candles.” 

Her gaze narrowed before darting back down to the menu. Clearing his throat, Cassian let his own eyes pause on her for a moment longer. From the gentle motion of her jaw, he could tell that she was rolling her tongue between her teeth -- something she only did on the rare occasions when she held back her words. 

Did I say something wrong? he wondered, reaching for a sip from his water glass. After weeks of living together, they were well accustomed to each other’s teasing. She knew his tendency to turn things more serious, and he knew her default to deflect. He usually tried to tread lightly, but she was smart enough to tell that there was more to his comment than flirtation. 

As she batted her lashes and met his eyes again, the telltale spark had returned. “Anything look good?” she inquired, tracing the edge of her booklet. From the coquettish incline of her brow, it was clear she was referring to more than just the food. 

“All of it,” he answered truthfully, biting back an oath when the words came out sounding more sincere than playful. 

Tonight isn’t a date. And whatever this is with Kellen isn’t serious. She’s not interested.  

Although she said nothing in return, the sensation of her dainty foot coming to rest at his ankle was almost enough to make Cassian lose his composure. Her touch, that act of reaching toward him without flirtation, called his certainty into question. 

Maybe she was more interested than he’d given her credit for. 

“Kellen,” he whispered, one hand slipping under the table in a vain attempt to find her skin. If he touched her back, perhaps the moment would become real. 

“Can I answer any questions about the menu?” 

The waiter reappeared just as Cassian’s finger brushed the inside of her thigh. Swallowing back his disappointment, he pasted a grin and relaxed against the splat of the chair. 

Kellen straightened in her seat and began listing her order. From all Cassian could tell, she was unfazed -- as comfortable and self-assured as he’d ever seen her. 

Surely he’d been imagining things after all.  

_____

The sun had just started to set by the time they finished dining, and the balmy breeze from the water was all the encouragement Kellen needed to suggest a post-dinner stroll.

“So, what’d you think?” 

Cassian cut his steps short to match her stride. He was so used to her power walking that this leisurely pace took a bit of adjustment. “It was all very tasty.” 

“Good. It was so nice to be able to go out. I’ve missed it, you know?” 

“Thanks again for bringing me along.” 

“We go everywhere together, remember? Besides, who else would I bring all the way out here?” 

She was still a couple of steps behind him, but his ears picked up on the catch in the laughter that followed her words. For someone who usually exuded confidence, the slip was noticeable. Is she nervous? He mulled over the question for a moment before dismissing it as nostalgia for her old way of life. 

Coming to the edge of the railing, Kellen cocked her head toward him before casting her eyes on the water below. There was an almost imperceptible pause between the release of her breath and the moment she started speaking. “So...I might have lied earlier.” 

“About the risotto being better than the gnocchi?” He caught up to her, propping his forearms on top of the well-worn wood. 

She nudged him with an elbow. “No, I don’t lie about food--especially when mushrooms are involved. That risotto was amazing. But I wasn’t completely honest about why I brought you out here.” 

Eyes locked on the rolling tide, she explained further. “I know I haven’t been the easiest person to live with over the last several weeks. There have been a lot of times that I’ve made your life harder than it needs to be, and I’m sorry for that.” 

Cassian opened his mouth to insist that the confession was unnecessary, but her fingers curled around his wrist. “Don’t argue. I know I have. And I don’t apologize very often, so you’d better not mess this up for me.” 

Realizing the sincerity of her threat, his breath stumbled out over a half-serious laugh. He gently pulled his arm from her grasp and turned his hand to clutch her fingers. “I won’t.” 

“Thanks.” Though she inched nearer, her eyes stared far ahead. “Clearly, you deserve a lot more than one fancy dinner as an apology, but I’m working with limited resources right now and it’s the best I can do. Will you forgive me?”

His forehead lifted slightly with his initial surprise, though further consideration left him feeling foolish. It was true that the woman he’d met on the rooftop a month before would never have apologized for anything, but this woman? She’d changed significantly over the past few weeks. 

This Kellen was willing to admit when she was wrong. 

This Kellen was choosing to make herself vulnerable. With him.

As his pulse beat a deafening tattoo, he wondered how she’d respond if he hoisted her onto the railing and kissed her senseless. Whether she knew it or not, it would hardly be the first time he’d kissed her with more affection than lust. Still, taking that kind of action meant he risked disrupting this moment. 

Feeling the gentle course her thumb was charting over the back of his hand, he realized he’d been too distracted to answer her question. “All’s forgiven,” he assured quickly. “Besides, I’ve had a better time with you this last month than I’ve had with anyone in ages.” 

“Of course you have. I’m excellent company.” 

Her confidence was coming back, and it spurred his own bravery: potent and perhaps a little foolhardy. “While we’re on the subject...” he began, forging ahead before he could think better of it. “Would you let me take you out once we’re back in Boston? There’s a pub in Allston that I used to go to at least once a week. I know it’s not exactly what you’re used to, but everyone says their fried mushrooms are to die for.” 

“I’d love that.” 

Cassian hoped she couldn’t feel the goosebumps that sprouted across his skin at her immediate response. 

She didn’t even have to hesitate. 

“I���m not making any assumptions,” he continued, trying not to get ahead of himself. Just because she was willing to let him return the favor of buying her dinner didn’t mean that they’d remain a regular part of each other’s lives. “I understand if I’m not what you’re looking for in...”

He didn’t have to finish the thought. Kellen met his eyes briefly, but soon glanced away. “I haven’t been looking for anything,” she admitted. “Not really, anyway. Just some fun.”

”You’re a whole lot of things beside fun, Kellen.” Pulling her hand to his lips, he pressed a kiss to her knuckles. Cassian was almost certain he imagined the quiet hum as she sighed out her next breath. 

“I know. But most men aren’t like you.” The statement was matter of fact, and the low timbre of her voice was enough to tell him that experience had been her teacher. 

His dark brows plummeted. “How do you mean?”

“Responsible. Genuine. Interested in taking care of others.” 

“You’ve been hurt in the past.” His skin heated at the thought, erasing the chill bumps on his arms. Thinking of anyone taking advantage of Kellen was enough to boil his blood. 

“Who hasn’t?”

“But hurt enough that it’s put you off love completely.”

“Between that and the crazy work hours, yeah. Relationships haven’t been a priority.” She picked at a splinter in the wood grain before rubbing it smooth with the pad of her thumb. “Guess that’s what happens when you waste two years of your life being used by someone who doesn’t even love you back.” 

He didn’t want to pry, but he was happy to listen for as long as she wanted to talk. Avoiding any additional leading statements, he ultimately settled on a neutral apology. “That’s awful, Kellen. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” 

“It’s not like it’s your fault.” She took her hand from his loosened grip, but she didn’t move away. Still close beside him, the fine hairs of her arm tickled his skin. “Blame my boyfriend from undergrad. He was more interested in getting a position in my dad’s company than he was in being with me. Once he had the job he wanted, he didn’t need me anymore.”

“And your dad?”

Kellen tensed. “He told me it was “just business” and that I needed to stop taking it personally. I haven’t wanted anything to do with either of them since.” 

“It’s their loss -- truly.” Though he sought her eyes, they were obstinately trained on the pattern of wood beneath her fingertips. Cassian linked a pinky with hers instead, hoping that she’d take the motion as proof of his convictions. “You’re one of the most amazing--” 

"Sorry!” She gasped out in apology, pulling her hand away and cutting him short. “Tonight was supposed to be about treating you to something nice -- not using you for therapy. It’s just really easy to talk to you, and tonight has got me thinking about a lot of things.”

Kellen wove her hand through the crook of his elbow, pulling close enough to rest her cheek on his shoulder. “And I’m glad you said what you did about the pub. After everything we’ve been through, I can’t imagine not seeing you once we’re back in Boston. You’re the best of the best, Cassian.” 

Her words were quiet, spoken more to the bay than to him, but they were still enough to make his heart sputter. Whether or not Kellen remembered, she’d used a similar phrase on the night they’d met. Did the compliment mean what he hoped? 

He wasn’t sure he could bring himself to ask. “I’d miss ya far too much,” he told her truthfully, quashing down the disappointment he felt at his own cowardice. 

“We can’t have that, can we?”

“No, we can’t.” 

Her scent wove together with the salt of the sea and the earthy must coming from the wood beneath them. The soothing combination was a perfect blend of all the things he’d soon exchange for the teeming streets of Boston. 

But certain as Cassian was that he could live without the endless whisper of the waves or the tang that lingered on his tongue with every breath, he was beginning to doubt that he could go on without her. Taking full advantage of Kellen’s nearness, he brushed his lips over the shell of her ear. 

“Once we’re back in Boston, you can see me as often as you want.” 

At his arm, her cheek tightened with the curve of her smile. “That’s what I wanted to hear.”

_____

Later, as he drove them home with the stars overhead and Kellen’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist, he took stock of the night’s events.  

Tonight hadn’t been a date. 

It hadn’t answered all of the questions he had about their future. 

The evening certainly hadn’t ended with a confession of feelings, but the confirmation that she wanted him in her life once they’d left Nantucket behind? That was enough for now.

[another-sonic-blog]

Stages: The Favor

Stages: Casual Friends Pt.2: The Favor (Chapter 7)

Pairing: ShadAmy (Friends to lovers SLOW BURN)

2K800

Previous: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/190413740165/stages-short-memories

.

It has been a tough week for Amy. She had to quit from her job to go look for Sonic and Tails along Team Dark. Her boss wasn't one to give her vacations and when she asked for a couple of days off, her boss fired her on the spot.

It was a bit sad, she disliked the job, but she liked the restaurant.

Now she was trying to look for a job but it was hard when she didn't have a proper education.

She finished high school and wanted to strive for university, but looking at her financial situation, that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

She didn't have a proper apartment either. She lived on one of the dormitories the Resistance provided. It was alright. It got a little bit cold at nights but she had a lot of blankets, so she was fine. Water, light, and everything was provided as well.

She tried to be as positive as possible but it was hard when two of her agents left the Resistance that day.

.

"I am sorry Captain, we can't just keep working here." One of the agents said, "I am sorry, but we need to look for a place that can provide enough for us."

"I completely understand," Amy said smiling.

"Captain, sorry for the comment I am about to make but..." he added, "G.U.N. is offering a lot of entry-level jobs. There is even an academy you can join for free if you are good enough. With your abilities, I am sure-"

"I didn't ask for an advice agent. If you may do so, please leave now."

.

She regrets now talking to the couple in such away. They were just trying to help after all. Now, they were only 10 members in the Resistance. Five worked on the building and the other 5 were outside agents, the ones who did missions.

The Resistance needed sponsors, but the Resistance was no G.U.N.

In a way, it worked as the celebrity industry.

Let's take Omega as an example. Omega was known for being a hero and was part of G.U.N's Team Dark. People once saw him drinking Royal Purple synthetic oil. The next day, the company that produces the oil, contacted G.U.N and they both made a contract that Omega and all vehicles of G.U.N should use Royal Purple oil.

It was a 25 million ring contract.

But enough of explanations.

She was ready to take on the world again. She had several interviews today and hopefully, by the end of the day, she will have a new job.

.

"Agent-Sh-Shadow?"

"Yes?"

Shadow tried to remember the agent's name. Was it, Molly? Holly? He was bad at remembering names.

The girl trembled and she looked nervous. She looked at the ground, trying to avoid eye contact with Shadow, which annoyed him.

"Can you look at me in the eyes?" He said as he picked up the girl's chin, so she could look at him.

He didn't mean to tease her or anything like that, he just didn't like it when new agents wouldn't make eye contact.

Of course, the young cat girl blushed at his gesture but it gave her the courage to continue.

The brown cat gave a quick look at her friends who were hiding, whispering encouraging words.

"Would you ..." The car girl looked at Shadow in the eyes and continued, "Would you like to go out with me?"

Was that it? All of this fuzz for her just to ask him to go out with her.

"Alright," Shadow said, "Let's go right now."

The brown fur cat girl wasn't expecting it to be so fast. She could hear her friends giggle and high fiving each other under the office's desk.

"Right now? But we are at work," she said.

"And? Let's go now."

Shadow walked past the girl as she followed him. This was so exciting for her, she was actually going to go a date with no other than Shadow the Hedgehog.

 Shadow and the girl stepped right out and entered G.U.N's private garden.

"Alright," Shadow added, "We are out."

Alright, she wasn't expecting this to happen. Was Shadow the Hedgehog really that dense?

"I meant...to go out as a ...date." The girl quietly asked.

Oh, so that was why she was so nervous. For Shadow, it was normal for girls to ask him out on dates. But he will always give them the same answer.

"My apologies, I don't-"

"He would love to take you out for dinner today, Ellie" Rouge suddenly appeared behind the couple as she placed her hand on Shadow's shoulder.

So, Ellie is her name? Shadow really thought it was Molly or something like that. His bad.

"What? No, I-"

Shadow stopped himself as he looked at the young cat girl. Her face shone as she smiled and she seemed just way too happy.

Shadow couldn't say no.

"I'll see you at 7 p.m. today,"

.

Amy was finally done with her second interview. The first interview was looking for a waitress at a fancy restaurant. The second one as a retail salesperson for a clothing shop. Her third interview will be later on, at a restaurant similar to the one she worked before.

She was hungry, however, and decided to look for a convenience store to buy a sandwich or something that could satisfy her hunger.

She walked a few streets down and through a store's window glass, she found her favorite red and black hedgehog.

Well, the only one she knew.

She entered the bookstore where she spotted her friend and walked towards him, trying to be as quiet as she could as she sneaked upon him. He was holding a book, 'How to date for dummies'

How interesting.

"Hey, Shadow!" Amy said loudly and he jumped a little. "What are you reading?"

"Nothing!" He said as he hid the book behind him.

Shadow didn't want to do it, he was actually going to back off and tell the girl he had other errands to do. However, Rouge stopped him mid-track as she made him remember the favor he owned her. Shadow now needs to pay his debt off to Rouge.

Amy smirked at him as she crossed her arms. "How to date for dummies?"

"It's been a long time," Shadow said defeated. "I don't think I am ready."

"If you don't think you are ready, then why do it?"

"Rouge obliged me to."

"I see," Amy added, "When is it?"

"Tonight,"

Amy looked at Shadow, he looked lost as if he was under big stress.

"Alright, let's go," Amy said as she took away Shadow's book and put it back on the shelf. "Follow me."

"Where are we going?" Shadow asked.

"We are going on a date!"

.

"Rule number one! On the first date, never take someone to the movies! Go eat! You can't have fun with an empty stomach."

"Is this why you took me to this hot dog food truck?"

"Yes...but I was actually hungry too."

"Of course."

Amy had a few hours left for her next interview and so, she was going to use her time to teach Shadow how to properly date. She was enjoying her cheap hot dogs but stopped eating as soon as noticed that Shadow wasn't eating.

"You won't eat?" Amy asked.

"I follow a strict diet," Shadow replied.

"Says the guy who eats three dark cholate cakes in one night."

"Touché."

Shadow asked for a hot dog and the vendor gave him one right away.

It was really good, better than he expected.

Amy smiled as she watched Shadow happily eat his second hot dog. He ate like a little kid, he had leftover ketchup next to his mouth.

"Wait," Amy said and Shadow looked at her. "You have something here."

She used her thumb to clean up the ketchup and lick the leftover of her thumb.

"Remember to be clean when you eat with your date."

"Says the one with ketchup all over her white shirt." He replied.

Amy looked down and indeed, she was dirty.

"Ugh, for the love of Chaos!" Amy said angrily and this amused Shadow.

He left out a small laugh.

.

"Rule number two! After eating, go and do fun activities together!"

Shadow and Amy entered an arcade. New and old games were at display but Amy was going straight to her favorite one. Pump it Up Prime 2!

"Let's dance!" Amy said as she went on top of the game, where the arrows showed and step on the central yellow button.

"I don't dance,"

"Yes, you do! You danced at the ball, didn't you?"

How the hell was Amy so good at these comebacks?

Shadow sighed, defeated he stepped on the game and stomped on the yellow button and clicked play.

Amy picked a song and they began to play.

Shadow was a natural at playing the game. Amy was barely level 7, she just couldn't keep up at how fast the arrows showed at the screen. But after a few rounds, Shadow was level 23.

Of course, he would be level 23, he is one the fastest hedgehogs she knows.

"Fine, I accept defeat," Amy said as she pointed at Shadow, "But you won't beat me at Racing Storm!

Racing Storm was a famous shooting game, and Shadow knew he was just made for it.

"Too easy," He added, "You know I will beat you."

"No, you won't!" Amy and Shadow walked towards the game as they approached the shooting game. "I am really good at this game! You know what, let's make a deal!"

This peeked in Shadow's interest. He picked up the plastic gun, "What kind of deal?"

"If you win, I will own you a favor." Amy added, "But if I win, you need to ask your date to go on a 2nd date with you."

Shadow looked at the game as he thought about the deal.

But there wasn't much to think about.

"Deal."

It was a tie. So, they both compromised. Amy owns Shadow a favor, and Shadow will ask Ellie on a 2nd date.

After, laser tag, bowling, air hockey, and even racing games, in which Amy and Shadow were very competitive, Amy was done for the day.

"Well, I have to go now!" Amy said as she looked at her watch.

"What? Why?" Shadow asked a bit disappointed. He had to admit he was ... enjoying himself just a little.

"I have an interview in 30 minutes," Amy added, "I need to go to the Resistance really quick and change my shirt."

Amy looked down at her white shirt and mentally damn the hot dogs she was eating earlier.

"What happened to your previous job?" Shadow asked as they both exited the arcade.

"I um ... got fired." Amy said quietly as she looked down to the ground, embarrassed.

"Why?"

"Um, he wasn't one to give free days to go look for Sonic and well ... yeah." Amy felt embarrassed and she didn't want to look at Shadow in the position she was. "It's a bit disappointing, I actually liked the restaurant."

Shadow hated when people wouldn't look at him in the eyes. So he did the same thing he did to Ellie. He picked up Amy's chin and made her look at him.

Shadow sighed as he took off his jacket and placed it on top of Amy's shoulders.

"Take my jacket, it will cover your stain and it makes you look more professional," Shadow said.

"Yeah, I am not fond of wearing jackets that have your name on the back." Amy added, "But considering that I don't have much time and it's actually a bit chilly ... I'll take it."

Amy smelled the jacket and of course, it had Shadow's cologne all over it. "Also, I think you put too much cologne."

"I am not wearing any," Shadow replied.

"If you say so," Amy teased, "So, you are giving me your jacket?"

"No, I am just lending it to you-"

.

"You are giving me your jacket?"

"No, I am just lending it to you,"

.

Shadow didn't finish his sentence and Amy noticed that it was him now not looking at her in the eyes.

"Shadow?" She asked, but there was no response. "Shadow?!"

"Uh, yes, yes. You can keep it, I have more of them anyways." He replied, still lost in thought.

Amy knew that this must mean something to him. He looked relaxed before, but now he had that anxious look on his face, terror, even.

And she dared to ask.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Amy asked, "You know ... about her?"

Words wouldn't come out of his mouth as he couldn't stop remembering.

.

"You promised wouldn't do it again," Shadow said.

"Sorry babe, I promise you this time, I will change."

.

"You are late again," Shadow waited two hours at a dinner table, waiting for her to appear.

"Sorry, I had to organize some papers."

Lies.

.

"It's alright if you don't want to talk about it!"

Amy's voice made Shadow jump back to reality. Breaking him free from his trance.

He sighed relieved as he nodded at her. Another day could go by without him having to talk about her.

Amy smiled at him as she patted his right shoulder softly. She didn't know the details about what happened between Shadow and ... his love interest. However, she wasn't going to put any pressure on him.

"If you ever want to talk about..." Amy added, "I'll be here. I'll wait until you are ready."

Shadow appreciated the kindness of Amy and he softly gave her a small smile as he looked at her.

A few seconds passed without saying a word and Amy decided to break the silence.  

"Rule number 3 for dating!"She said excitedly, "Never kiss on the first date. That will scare her away."

"Noted,"

Shadow felt confident now. After two years of not dating, he thought he wasn't ever going to be able to do it again.

But thanks to Amy, he had changed opinions about himself.

.

The next day arrived, and Amy woke up at the sound of someone entering the Resistance without permission.

She walked downstairs quickly and received the young man who looked lost.

"Sorry, is this the residence of Amy Rose?" The young green wolf asked her. He was dressed in a suit and looked very professional.

"Yes, that's me." Amy responded, "How can I help you?"

"Oh, nice to meet you, my name is Alexander and I need you to sign some documents."

Was this it? Was the government finally take away the Resistance from Amy?

"Look, I promise I'll pay soon. I just got a job and-"

"Pay? No, it's nothing about that." He replied, "You have become the new owner of MoMo's restaurant."

"What? There must be a mistake, I used to work there only." Amy said.

"Yes, but yesterday, Shadow the Hedgehog bought the restaurant and he named you the complete owner of the restaurant." The green wolf added, "In other words, this is a gift from him to you."

Amy couldn't believe it and she denied it as he moved her head from side to side, "There's no way I can accept it."

"He told me you would say that," The wolf smiled as he pulled out the documents and a pen from his briefcase, giving it to Amy.

"And he told me to tell you ... that you own him a favor."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N: Here is a fluff piece for today's chapter. On the next chapter will see how good (or bad) Shadow's date went. And course we will be seeing a little more of Shadow's backstory.

The next chapter will probably come out next weekend. I am going to have a busy weekend but if I have time, I'll write a chapter this Sunday.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading!

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the beloved: @lonelysadblob​ thank you so much for your support! I am happy you like this story of mine <3 I am also such a big fan of your artwork! It’s amazing! @lonelysadblob

Next: SOON

[snowbellewells]

Face to Face in the Broad Daylight:  Chapter Four

I really can’t apologize enough for the long wait between chapters here.  There all sorts of plausible excuses, but I’ve basically just fallen behind with starting back to school and getting into the teaching routine again. Hopefully, I won’t keep you waiting on this story so long again, and that you will still enjoy what I’ve cooked up this time around...

Also, I still don’t think it quite needs an M rating, but fair warning, Emma and Killian do get up to a bit of mischief on a stakeout...

Thanks again to @branlovestowrite for the gorgeous story banner; I continue to just love it and smile every time I add it to the chapter post.  And to @cssns for inspiring so many wonderful stories and such a fun community outlet. I’m so glad it gave my little werewolf story an outlet and a reason for me to finally get down to business and commit to it the page!

~chapter four: sinister stirrings, signs of life

Gold did not allow his accomplice’s taunt to hang in the air for long; instead, speculation lit his serpentine eyes with cunning curiosity. “And just what is your price, Morgana? What is it that a powerful witch like you cannot simply conjure for yourself with ease?”

“I seek vengeance,” she bit out, tone icy cold with the fierce utterance. “For my father’s life, for my mother’s pain… and what I have lost to that ingrate King… Arthur of Camelot.” She spat the famed appellation, which most spoke in reverence, with a venom that momentarily surprised even the Dark One.

A knowing, secretive smile crept over his sharp face; no other words necessary for him to understand what drove her. He had after all seen the quest for revenge bring many a man and woman to his door, willing to take his wretched deals whatever the cost, and then meet their doom, or at least soul’s ruin. He and the would-have-been Duchess of Cornwall had much in common, and always had. Both believed the world to have slighted them, and both plotting, scheming, grasping every bit of what they felt was their due wherever they could. Perhaps she would grow a bit too desperate, and he could then be certain of the upper hand in their arrangement. He would simply watch and wait to see.

Morgana, on the other hand, was not idle, even as she finally handed the contained hat over to Gold and began to move around his shop with mild interest as he examined the token ravenously. Just as her former mentor sensed her fervent desire and impatience, the seething rage pushing her forward, she could also read his extreme confidence, his discounting of the worthy mind and abilities she had cultivated since the time he had known her well. He thought she would be easy to manipulate; powerful enough to provide the assistance he needed, but not a true threat to his own mastery of the exchange. 

He misjudged both her magical strength - and her loyalty. She had learned that no one could be trusted but herself. Though she was willing to side with him while it proved beneficial, she would not sacrifice her own goal, nor confuse a healthy respect with true devotion. Rumplestiltskin foolishly believed her indebted to him, simply because he had discovered where to summon the hat from Merlin’s safekeeping. That mattered little when she was the one who had retrieved it; she was the one he had needed to complete his task. Their purposes were not truthfully as aligned as he thought, yet she felt no qualms at playing along until it was too late for even the Dark One himself to stop her or ruin her plans. He saw her as a willing and able pawn, and she would let him do so for the time being. As long as he gave her the hat as promised when he was done, and she could increase her power, take it back to Camelot, usurp Arthur, and gain her revenge, she cared little how Gold’s plan worked out.  His power would be the first she would harness for her own devices - his and all the other Dark Ones who had come before - once the time was right.

“That seems only fair,” Rumplestiltskin spoke in his slick, indulgent tones that might fool someone who didn’t know him as well as Morgana did. Though neither fully trusted the other - nor any beyond themselves - the sorceror before her did seem near tittering with subdued malevolent glee. He really was an imp to his core, delighting in the fall of those who took might and control by vicious means, even if that downfall was not of his own making. “King Uther, Arthur’s father, did indeed wrong your family greatly.”

“I know that,” she snapped, eyes burning as they swung to his in sudden anger. “You needn’t recount the injustices! I remember them well.” Her fine, white hands clenched and unclenched, as her deceptively thin shoulders heaved. She was practically seething from every pore.

Unfazed, the Dark One stepped nearer, cradling his precious talisman in one hand as he wagged his forefinger at her teasingly. She wanted to snap the digit at its joint, but instead held her tongue stonily. “Easy there, Dearie,” Gold chided in his infuriating manner of jest. “Flying off the handle like that can lead to dangerous mistakes.”  He winked at her before turning to leave, clearly unconcerned with her alone in his shop to wreck it if the desire took her.

Morgana’s voice rang out quickly, before he could vanish in a puff of his magic, stopping him with the sort of ringing command he couldn’t ignore. “Midnight, a week from now, when the moon is at its fullest… If you wish for my help, you will bring the Sorceror’s Hat to the lakeside when the lunar orbit reaches the zenith. We will perform the ceremony, and then the hat will be mine once it has served its purpose for you. Do we have an accord?”

“Certainly, certainly,” Gold chimed, and though his tone was soft and sibilant, Morgana could hear the eagerness, the urgency for his full freedom and command of his power running beneath. She wasn’t the only one whose need for retribution had them chomping at the bit.

All that remained, she considered saying as the bell tinkled after Rumplestiltskin’s exit, was to see who would allow their quest to be their undoing. Then, without another moment’s hesitation, she vanished from the spot as well in her own column of cobalt blue smoke.

~~***~~***~~***~~

Once again nighttime darkness reigned over the quiet streets of Storybrooke. The main street, lined with storefronts, the Sheriff’s station, and the cheerily butter-yellow Town Hall, was so still and calm by 9:30 that one might think the place either deserted or inhabited entirely by senior citizens, Emma thought with a wry shake of her head and exhaled breath as she sat watching the scene before them from her usual work parking space. Apparently, fairy tale characters exiled in the “real world” adhered to a similar early bird schedule.  She was in the more roomy back seat of her Bug, not expecting to see much of anything that would require her to pull out quickly, and needing to sit somewhat turned in the seat to keep her eyes on Gold’s shop, a Thermos of hot chocolate on hand to warm her insides as the night grew more chilled, and Killian cuddled against her side assuringly, something in his lupine makeup keeping him always a few degrees warmer than the average human.

Reading her mild amusement as easily as he seemed to do with all her changes in mood and emotion, Killian leaned in to whisper against her ear, his scruffy whiskers raking deliciously across her cheek and neck. “What is it, Swan? Did I miss something humorous?”

Emma shook her head with a chuckle, swiveling a bit to look at his quirked brow and curious face more clearly. His crystalline, sea-blue eyes twinkled as if he could already anticipate her answer, and in that moment, Emma genuinely wanted nothing more than to kiss him senseless, plant little pecks all over his forehead and cheeks and chin, just for sitting there with her, for always being by her side, and for being her ridiculous, handsome, dependable companion, whatever new surprise or danger came their way. Though she managed to hold back the outburst of affection, she still couldn’t help the frisson of awareness that ran through her veins at his nearness, even while proceeding to answer his simple question. “No, nothing funny really, just thinking how there truly is no night life here. It’s not even ten o’clock, and there’s no one out on the street!”

“Aye,” Killian nodded conversationally in agreement. “You’ve a point there. Any port town in which the Jolly ever docked - regardless of how small or remote - was more lively than our little town currently.”

Both fell silent once more, eyes unavoidably drawn to the entrance of the darkened pawn shop, looking deceptively closed and shuttered,but nevertheless the reason they were sitting on the street in a stakeout and wondering whether or not they should trust the seeming peace of the night around them.  “Exactly,” she smirked at his comment, against her better judgement leaning closer as she did. She could feel that the spark always burning between them, fanned by both recent interrupted assignations, was still simmering hotly, barely banked by more pressing concerns, and knew that the right sort of look or touch might well be all that was needed to set it aflame once more. And yet, she couldn’t find it in herself to resist.

Killian reacted just as she had hoped, his response to her invitation almost immediate, hand balancing him on the seat beside her as he leaned even closer than they had already been seated, his breath warming her forehead as he exhaled and his hook tracing a purposeful path up her jean-clad thigh. “Looking for a bit more excitement, are you Darling?” he questioned devilishly, his lips and tongue pronouncing each sound and syllable of the words in a manner that left tingles racing up and down her spine. 

The intentional progress of his metal appendage swung inward to trace along her pants inseam, ever closer to the goal, and Emma swallowed hard, irrationally embarrassed that he might already feel the heat radiating from her center and how her pulse seemed to be throbbing there noticeably. It was all she could do not to start shedding layers and crawl into his lap. She could only nod eagerly for several tensely heated seconds before finally affirming breathily. “What if I am, Pirate? Are you gonna do something about it?”

Killian’s heavy, dark eyebrows practically danced across his forehead merrily, as if she’d given him a present with her challenge. The tip of his wicked tongue poked from between his full, tempting lips before tracing along the lower one as if he had just glimpsed a meal her wanted to devour. “Oh, you know I will, Emma. Don’t you even doubt it.”

In the next instant, he seemed to pounce, his warm weight pressing her back against the leather upholstery of the Bug’s rear bench seat, as that tongue swept into her mouth to lay claim. The curved edge of his hook found its goal at last, putting delicious cool pressure against her still-clothed heated core and making her moan shamelessly into his mouth in return.

“Oh...Ki - Killian!... Please…. Ummm…” she raised her hips almost unconsciously, bucking toward his questing hook, and the added stimulation of his hand, which had now managed to slip under her shirt, up her side to her heaving chest. Emma forgot all about Gold, the newcomer, and why they were outside in her car at all, between the way his hand and hook were making her feel and his lips suddenly veering from her own to wander along her jaw back to the sensitive spot behind her ear, driving her even more out of her mind. She would swear under oath that she shouldn’t be held responsible when her desperately clutching hands pulled so hard at his shirt in her haste to touch him too and hold onto something to ground herself that she heard the sound of ripping fabric over her own gasp and whimper of need.

Not in the least disturbed by wardrobe damage - he had lost count of how many shirts and pants his wolf had destroyed in transformation ages ago - Killian merely chuckled with indulgent pride at the effect he was clearly having on his usually cool and collected girlfriend. It wasn’t lost on him that Emma rarely allowed herself to let go of control so completely. Splayed before him openly, eyes half-closed in bliss, Emma was offering him the trust and vulnerability few others received from her, and it awed him all the more beyond what her beauty had already accomplished. Not wanting the swell of emotion to derail them, now that they had at last managed to preserve a long enough moment alone, he bent his head back to the task before him. He nearly lost a handful of hair when a few seconds later he caught the lobe of her ear between his teeth and bit down playfully, not expecting the force with which Emma grasped the dark strands between her fingers as she keened breathlessly.

The wicked smile that quirked his lips as he murmured into her neck, “Feeling lively enough now?” was entirely unavoidable, if he did say so himself. For a moment, he allowed his mind to gloat inwardly as her pants seemed to indicate his Swan incapable of speech from his pleasurable ministrations.

Letting down one’s guard around Emma was never wise, however, as he was soon letting out an indecently loud and tormented groan of his own satisfaction. Somehow, while he had been occupied with tracing patterns over her collarbone with teeth and tongue, she had worked a clever hand into his tight jeans and dealt him more than enough taste of his own medicine.

“Ah!  Wh- Swan…” he choked, his own head falling forward to rest on her shoulder as she squeezed and pumped delicately in the limited space she had to work with.  “Mmm, love...easy does it,” he finally managed to grind out after riding the sensation for a minute. “Much more of that and you’ll bring the night to completion before I can finish what I started.”

Reluctantly his bold lass did release him and pull back slightly, one sculpted eyebrow arched in what could only be the beguilingly feminine equivalent of the look he had given her so many times before. “Can’t have that now, can we?” she teased gently, stroking along his stomach muscles, which quivered in response to her touch and practically smirking up at him.

“Certainly not, Love. It would be poor form indeed to leave a lady such as yourself unsatisfied.” He licked his lips salaciously, but meant every word, and the way she threw back her head with a wholehearted guffaw of laughter made him certain she knew it too.

“Well then, Captain,” she purred, pulling him in once more by the charms that hung around his neck. “Let’s see you make good on your word.”

Pressing forward with a deep, almost feral sounding growl, part his own desire and part his wolf within howling to break free, he lay her back unresistingly on the seat beneath them, spread out before him like a delectable banquet feast.

When they surfaced some time later, bare and skin glistening with sweat from their enjoyable activities, they had already missed both clouds of magic and the reappearance outside the shop of their new female nemesis - the reason they had been waiting in the car in the first place. Still, even if they had been less than purposeful, as they rested together, sated and entwined in each other’s arms, neither Emma nor Killian could bring themselves to mind.

~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~

After checking in with Emma and Killian at the station - and gathering a much clearer picture of how his deputy and her beau were progressing as a couple than he had needed or wished to have - making sure they had been alerted about the strange woman he had seen at daybreak, Graham was more than anxious to see his own lady love once more. Firstly, because he longed to be at her side, to see her happy, every second of each day that it was reasonably possible; a truly jarring sensation for a man who had up until that point led a quiet, solitary life and thought himself reasonably satisfied, but a sensation he had warmed to and treasured all the same. And secondly, knowing that she carried their pup - a child conceived of their love for each other - in her womb made the normal protective urges he already struggled to manage at normal levels exponentially stronger. To think that Gold still lurked around town and must wish to win - or coerce or steal - Belle back to himself worried Graham enough on a daily basis, but the attack on Granny and this obviously magical stranger’s appearance had him all the more on edge. No, Belle might argue that she was quite alright and could take care of herself, but he intended to stick quite close by whenever his duties as Sheriff allowed, and he might just speak to David and Snow about seeing if someone could stay nearby, just in case, when he could not. He would simply bear her annoyance and exasperation with his fussing as best he could; it was much better than seeing any harm come to her.

Letting his mind return to that morning, Graham thought back on how, after sighting the cloaked woman by the lake, he had hastened back to his cabin with extra speed, shifting on the porch back into his lanky human form so as to let himself in with ease and check on Belle where he had left her sleeping. The sight of her peaceful in repose beneath the moss-green cotton sheets upon the bed, her auburn hair spread out across the pillow, and the softest little purr of a snore escaping her pretty lips, had made him loathe to wake her.

Shirtless and barefoot, clad only in the grey sweatpants he slipped on for decency once human again, he padded across the smooth hardwood floor simply watching her sleep for a few seconds longer with an adoring smile on his face. He had never seen her look so serene, stunning in her sweet fragility, her petite beauty and kind nature concealing what he knew to be a backbone of strongest steel. Still, however much he hated to rouse her from much-needed rest, she had made him promise to take her with him back into town this morning. She was not content to hide out and wait passively until all was safe. And even if it was only researching information that might help prepare the rest of them for the storm they all knew was coming, or finding any accounts which might might better inform the two of them on the little one they were awaiting, she would not settle for anything less than doing her part, in her library, surrounded and aided by her beloved books.

Perching lightly on the mattress near her hip, Graham reached out a large, calloused hand, with a gentleness he hadn’t even known he possessed (having never known a tender touch until this tiny spitfire of a woman came into his life) lifted a loose strand of hair from her velvet-soft cheek and tucked it behind her ear. As he had known it would, even such a light touch had her stirring, beginning to stretch and slowly wake.

Now that his duties for the day were mostly complete, it eased his soul to once more slip into the cool, enveloping shadows and hushed, welcoming space of the town library. He could feel the taunt hunch of his shoulders relax within seconds of entering his love’s hallowed space, at the sound of Belle’s voice farther within the stacks, directing someone he could not yet see. Perhaps one of their friends had already had the same thoughts he did and undertaken to keep her company.

Venturing on silent feet, long accustomed to moving swiftly and without sound on the forest floors and castle courtyards of their old world, Graham stepped into one of the larger conference rooms toward the back of the library, one appointed with a large study table and numerous chairs for large groups. He leaned against the doorframe there, happy just to watch and enjoy the comfort and relief of once more being in her presence and seeing her in her element.

The Hatter in their world - Jefferson, Graham believed he went by here, was the first other person he saw. He recalled with a wince that this man had also been painfully manipulated by Regina - both in the Enchanted Forest past and their small town present. He knew with the same guilt-ridden certainty that he had realized Belle could have been freed from her imprisonment sooner if he had been quicker to awaken and act, that he had probably passed Jefferson on the steps of the mayoral mansion or in the frigid labyrinths of the Town Hall, but both had been too ashamed at being ensnared or indebted, or in some way under the command of the Evil Queen, to look up and meet the other’s eyes, to see a fellow sufferer or brother-in-arms. If nothing else, he reminded himself pushing off the doorjamb and moving into the well-lit and enlivened conversation humming around him, at least now he was beginning to see just how many friends there truly were here, as well as foes. Good people who could be relied upon and were hoping for the chance to regain their lives, just as much as he and Belle were.

His adorable librarian was chatting happily with both Jefferson’s daughter Grace and Henry, who were all too content with darting back and forth from the stacks for any book Belle could think of to request - all of them trying to keep her seated and off her feet. Coming to her side eagerly, Graham leaned over to kiss her cheek, even as she turned her head upward to greet him with a welcoming grin.

“It’s good to see you,” he whispered in her ear, letting his scruff tickle along her skin slightly, making her giggle and tuck her chin toward her chest.

Still, she caught his hand and squeezed it back affectionately, holding on and pulling it down to rest his palm over her still-flat stomach.

His brow furrowed, confused, even as she beamed at him to wait and be patient. It was much to early for him to be feeling any sort of movement from their little one; Belle wasn’t even showing. He was more than a little puzzled, and a bit concerned if the truth were told, but willing to humor her, and so stilled dutifully, waiting for he knew not what.

Then, abruptly, a definite jolt jarred his large hand from where it rested against Belle’s stomach. Eyes widening almost comically as they darted up to her face, he felt as much as saw Belle suck in an excited breath as she nodded her head in enthusiastic affirmation.

“Wait, but, it can’t be… It’s too soon…” he sputtered. “Are you sure?  Should we take you to Whale?  Are you hurting at all, Darling?”

The flow of words was almost more than she had ever heard her gentle huntsman say at once, but no more than she expected. Still, she tried to implore him in her gaze and the steady pressure on his hand to calm, that she had learned some things about her particular pregnancy and she would fill him in, but she wasn’t in pain, and she wasn’t concerned or frightened - though she had known he would be, for her. Guiding his hand still, she brought it to her lips to gently kiss the back of it, hoping to soothe him. She merely wanted to share this miracle with this precious man, the depth of her joy causing tears to well in her eyes.

They were still for several grounding moments, and when she lifted her gaze to meet Graham’s once more, she saw that same welling of love and astonishment in his eyes as well.

Tagging: @cssns @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @therooksshiningknight  @hollyethecurious @winterbaby89 @resident-of-storybrooke @teamhook @revanmeetra87 @gingerchangeling @ilovemesomekillianjones @spartanguard @whimsicallyenchantedrose @searchingwardrobes @laschatzi @darkcolinodonorgasm

[sevenfactorial]

How I Write Class Notes

First of all, I totally forgot that I said I’d do this and I’m really sorry about that.

So my note taking is specifically designed for upper-level math classes since that’s what I do the most but my notes for CS and many other classes still take a similar form, just with less things labeled theorems (also with more bulleted lists. I love bulleted lists but I use them way less in math notes than any other class). This also works for reading textbooks or papers independently. If you want info specifically for lower level math classes (high school up through calc 3), I can see what I can do too.

Here’s a very basic summary of what I think is most important for note taking

Feasible (ie simple and fast enough for you). You want to be able to keep up your system even at points where your class is going absurdly fast or when you’re exhausted/having trouble focusing/etc

Easy to skim. Just writing things down at all is good for retention but if you’re taking notes, you probably want to be able to read them later easily. So it needs to be easy to pick out key definitions/theorems/etc.

In that vein, include necessary assumptions even if it does feel repetitive.

Don’t cram things together. Allow for white space (again, so skimming is possible)

Label things. Major topics, definitions, theorems, key ideas especially. Also make it obvious that a proof or example is a proof/example.

All of it is together one way or another, whether that’s a digital file, paper in a folder/binder/etc, or a notebook. Keeping it together is extremely important to me.

A detailed description and more thoughts are under the cut.

I’m very basic about my notes and am not always fully consistent (I have an indentation problem which occasionally irritates me but I’ve decided it’s not worth it to obsess over), but I try to be and generally have a structure for my notes. If you were to flip through even my recent notebooks you’ll find deviations but that’s just how it goes.

I don’t actually have any of my old class notes with me right now so I wrote the following to give a sense of what my notes tend to actually look like. I wrote it on loose leaf but normally I take notes in a composite notebook. I find I consistently take 30-45 pages (1 page = front and back) per class per semester (I’ve also taken less) so I find the halfway point and do two classes per notebook to decrease number of notebooks I’m carrying around. If you have two semester long classes, account for that so that you don’t end up having alg I and II in different notebooks like I do.

(I typed more or less what I wrote afterwards but there’s really no way I’m recreating the formatting on a tumblr post)

First of all, this is a fair bit neater than my actual notes are. One of my best friends can barely read my normal handwriting at all and this is a bit neater than that. But if you can’t read it still, I don’t blame you at all so,

Date goes in the top right column at the beginning of every single class. It helps when you’re flipping through to find something later and also forces me to be somewhat aware of the date from day to day (further discussion on dates later)

I underline chapter/section titles/topics and include the the relevant textbook section numbers if given. This varies according to how my professors introduce topics generally.

Also I will generally just skip two or three lines between sections but will start at the top of a new page for chapters.

Some of my professors start off topics by giving an overview of what we’re looking at and motivations and the like so I just write “Idea:” and follow it up with whatever the professor is giving me.

Definitions: Typical in most subjects, I shorten it to “def” on the left of the margin line and start writing on the same line

I used to like starting out with the word itself but I often find it awkward in math notes so I just underline it in the statement (and highlight later)

Even though it’s a pain, I make a point of restating assumptions pretty constantly because it’s really useful if you’re studying from notes later.

Some typical things to follow up definitions include notation, warnings, and sometimes an intuitive way of thinking about it that may not completely capture all the details of the statement. I just do “thing:” for everything except the later, which I just write in quotes

Don’t forget, definitions are always if and only if statements. This is something you’re generally vaguely aware of from early on but perhaps don’t actually fully realize until some random point (I did that and heard of several others doing it too)

Theorems: The other mainstay of math. Honestly, I’m pretty sure everything’s ultimately a theorem, definition, axiom, or example

I give theorems a label of “THM” on the left. I can’t really explain why I write it in capital letters here but if I write theorem within a statement or example or something, I’ll use a lowercase “thm”

Like for definitions, make a point of rewriting assumptions.

Just overall, I try to keep my “paragraphs” short, one to three lines, before leaving the rest of the line blank and indenting the next one in order to increase whitespace

Lemmas/Corollaries/Other words which exist: I tend to put their label on the right side of the red margin line and indent their content more. I’m not super consistent with them, though make sure to indicate end of lemmas if your theorem goes “theorem - start proof - lemma - proof of lemma - finish proof of theorem”

If a diagram is useful, I tend to stick them to the right and write around it best I can. I’ll generally wait until after class to add color if it’s useful but occasionally, if class is going relatively slow or the colors REALLY matter then I’ll grab colored pens as quickly as possible

Also, my professors tend to not shy away from longer proofs and are not always the best of keeping track of time so that means we end class in the middle of proofs more often than ideal

I will just continue right along with the proof but shove the date at the right of the first line on the next day.

When we end at more reasonable places, I tend to skip a line, date on the right, resume on the next line

Unless I end within the last 8ish lines, then I’ll often start on the next page

Some things to consider that I didn’t write in the example:

I converted to writing in pen at the beginning of the summer (I’ve had a few lectures at the beginning of my REU but it’s not quite the same as class). Don’t be worried about scribbling out if you’re using pen. If you want prettier notes, rewrite them later. It’s a good way of studying anyways.

Also consider typing them up (tex for math) to have a searchable reference for later (studying/future classes).

I write up definitions and theorems before exams in colorful pen to study. Usually just on copy paper. The color is mostly just for fun since i’m probably stressed at the time.

I feel like a lot of math students do use pen exclusviely? idk. Use whatever you feel most comfortable with. When I used pencil, I did a combo of erasing and scribbling out, depending on the pace of the class.

If you are in the market for pens, G2 pens seem to have a bit of a following and honestly, I get it. They’re really good and within typical prices for disposable pens (you can order refills online and it makes them even cheaper). I also love papermate’s felt tips (they’re what I use for colored pens) but you can see them from the other side of the paper far more so I don’t find them appropriate for note taking.

Don’t be afraid to write notes in the margins (I usually use the left margin at an angle but like, wherever it fits works too). Often these are comments to myself.

Having a way to indicate things you want to look up later or exercises your professor suggested is good. I usually put a star on the red margin line at those points.

I try to keep a def/thm/proof on the same page but it’s really hard to always anticipate the length of things so I try but don’t worry about it too much.

Use shortenings when you can but make sure you remember them and that you’re not actually spending more time recalling the abbreviation than you would just writing it out

I find the most common abbreviations in math are first three letter of the word, first four letters, or first three and last letter

I don’t think flat out trying to use someone else’s note taking system is really the best. You’ll have to take more time than you probably have to remember the formatting. However, getting ideas from others is often useful. I don’t know why I started doing most things I do but I know that some of my habits came from seeing my friends or professors do it.

I think I mostly just use typical organization methods and nothing particularly interesting/novel but I hope it was still useful to some people.

[canonicallysoulmates]

SPN SDCC 2019 OPINIONS

Right now some of you are probably wondering why the fuck you're seeing a post about SDCC when it's September and the answer to that is that I did not have a computer when SDCC happened back in July so I couldn't make this post then, trust me I would have preferred it if I could have, and why am I even bothering to make it when so long a time has passed? Cause I said I was going to and as I've  stated in the past I was going to watch the panel and some interviews anyways and share my opinion so I might as well make it into a proper post. Or at least try to, this turned out a little over the place. Now, originally, back in July, I was thinking of doing something like I had done last year meaning a massive post full of spoilers and info available but as you can guess from the title of this post that did not happen this is because of two reasons: 1) I feel like there was less info than there was for s14, to be fair like I said I didn't have a computer during the time and I wasn't on SM a lot so it's entirely possible that there was a bunch of info and spoilers that never made their way into my very limited radar. 2) September is ending, the s15 premiere is literally around the corner, I don't have the time necessary to go through any and all news and info and spoilers about s15, and to be very honest I don't have the patience either. So this post is going to be just my opinion on the panel and on some of the things that were said in SDCC interviews, there are still timestamps and some transcripts and all the interviews I talk about plus the panel are linked at the end in their entirety.  I watched 4 interviews for each person on the panel with the exception of two people, I did not watch any of M. Collins interviews, I also didn't watch any of Berner's interviews I was going to but Dabb, Singer and BuckLemming test my patience enough as it is. Also I want to keep this post brief so I'm only talking about things that really stood out to me. Standard disclamer applies that these are all just my opinions and you might not agree with them.... SDCC 2019 Panel I don't have much to say about this panel, most of it was everybody talking a bit about the legacy of the show, there wasn't really any info given about s15  and in that regard, I am a bit disappointed, I wish they had used the panel more and found a balance between talking about the legacy of the show while also incorporating info about the final season. But I can understand why they would do something more subdued. The only things that stood out to me was Dabb trying to make what I hope is a joke about the ending of the show pleasing only 30% of people and bringing up GOT,  regular which I'm not gonna comment on cause I want to keep this post general but those who know know 😉, should go without saying that my heart broke all over again seeing j2 cry over the show ending 💔 And I cannot go without mentioning Dabb's intro to the panel cause it fucking killed me, he must have written it himself 😂 "our next guest very first job on tv was writing for supernatural, after eight seasons in the trenches he ascended to the coveted position of showrunner. Armed with genius talent and deep respect for the characters and stories he's beautifully shouldered the shows vision for the past 3 seasons and now leads us bravely forward on the shows final chapter" [TIMESTAMP] Interviews

Let's talk about Chuck, everybody seemed to be on the same page about this, they all gave similar answers when asked about it which is a nice change of pace usually they all give different answers but to me it seems like they, once again, dug themselves into a hole they don't know how to get out of and are trying to back out of it, like in one of the interviews Lemming says at one point Castiel will point out to Sam and Dean that whether or not it was god playing tricks on them they would have come across the same crossroads and they are the ones who made the decision about which direction to go not someone else ("cas will point out to them weather it was god playing tricks on us or us doing it ourselves out in the world we would have met the same crossroads or they would have been different crossroads but whatever crossroads we would have come across we made a decision whether  to go right or left no one else did that to us" [TIMESTAMP] ) which to me sounds a hell of a lot like free will. And look, everybody has a different interpretation or views on what free will is, I, personally, think free will has nothing to do with whether or not someone/something puts an obstacle in front of us it has to do with whether or not we're the ones who decide how to deal with it meaning that someone/something doesn't make the choice for us. So to me what Lemming is talking about is free will which is what supposedly Sam and Dean never actually had, to be fair it's possible that scene won't happen or that explanation won't be given or it'll be something different but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that it was all a test by Chuck and when Sam and Dean go to kill him or something he'll be all 'surprise! you passed your mission is done now you can have peace'; I also wouldn't be surprised if Dabb&co do what they usually do and ignore things after the first three episodes until the mid-season finale and the finale. But hey, maybe they'll prove me wrong, and do something really interesting and complex...not gonna hold my breathe for it though. Since I already mentioned Lemming there was something she said that irked me, she was asked about the shows influence/impact on sci-fi shows and stuff, I'll leave a link so you can see the whole thing point is she was talking about early seasons and said: "....we really worked on the physical nature of horror and the psychological results of that, but that takes you just so far as a writer then you sort of realize we have to write about personalities and psychologies of the people living in that horrible universe, so you end up once again revisiting what drama is..." This irks me. Look I'm not a horror buff, so perhaps it's not my place to talk and to be fair maybe this is not the way she meant to come across and I'm probably alone in this but the way she talks about horror at least in this particular answer comes across to me as somebody who doesn't understand or respect horror. I don't really know how to properly explain myself but her going "but that takes you just so far as a writer then you sort of realize we have to write about personalities and psychologies of the people living in that horrible universe, so you end up once again revisiting what drama is"  to me this come across as somebody who doesn't know or understand that you can write personalities and the psychology of people and still be horror. Still stay in that genre, without going into drama territory like horror is so much more than just jump scares. I don't know maybe it's that I'm so tired of everything being put in what I consider outdated boxes of either comedy or drama. Or that I'm tired of horror being shoved into drama's box. Or horror being shoved into a box where it's just gore and jump scares and if it's more than that it's a drama or artsy horror or classy horror or some other bs  people say when they don't wanna admit they like horror. Or maybe it's the fact that Eugenie Lemming of all people is the last one that should be saying this when with the exception of ONE episode she and her writing partner don't actually explore personalities or peoples psychology. Or maybe it's the fact that the early seasons where this show was more horror it explored personalities and the psychology of the people in that world way better than the later seasons, even though the later seasons have moved into drama territory and have moved away from its horror roots! Anyways I'm gonna leave a full transcript here plus the timestamp so you can go and get full context, this was just something that like I said irked me: "when the show started the mission was to do an hour horror film every week, and really pay attention to the elements of what made horror horror and really put a lot of money into production and make it look good i think we didn't really break ground- yes there were some scary things and special effects in prior shows but we really approached this and build up a post production community, we really worked on the physical nature of horror and the psychological results of that, but that takes you just so far as a writer then you sort of realize we have to write about personalities and psychologies of the people living in that horrible universe, so you end up once again revisiting what drama is love between brothers betrayal between family members, hope dreams promises honor deceit and you do all that- so that can be in every genre it's just packaged as a very classy horror genre..." [TIMESTAMP]

Let's move on to Buckner, he, unsurprisingly, said a lot of things that made me roll my eyes, like he said romance might make an appearance which why??? that's not the point of this show, and: "that's one of the more exciting aspects of this season is that it's actually covering new turf instead of just doing the things that ave worked for us and just going out on a high note actually it's going to be quite experimental"  [TIMESTAMP] 

Do I even need to point out why this is a dumb ass approach to handle a shows last season? Speaking of dumb asses...Dabb. He got asked if Sam was still psychic he answered: "No, since Sam decided to stop drinking demon blood his powers have gone away, unless he picks it [demon blood] up again" [TIMESTAMP] 

Sam had his powers before he got addicted to demon blood, he got his powers when he was a baby because of Azazel, ffs we saw him use his powers in an episode! In season 2! Before the demon blood addiction! He drank demon blood to enhance the powers he already had; it would have made more sense if he had said something like Sam burned his powers after what happened in s5. Sucks that we might never see Sam with powers again but with Dabb behind the wheel it might be for the best. 

Now you’ve probably noticed that so far I’ve made no mention of Jared, Jensen or Alex and that’s because with the exception of Jared and Jensen talking about the ending nothing stood out that much to me and as for why I don’t talk about the ending it’s cause I don’t have much to say, Jensen said it took some time but he’s ok with the ending now, Jared that he was ok with the ending they had planned but that it might change and I am both comforted and concerned by their words; even though I didn’t talk about them I am going to link to the Jared and Jensen’s interviews I watched, I personally really enjoyed Jared’s (I love the way he answers questions ❤), sadly I forgot to save the links to Alex’s interviews but if I might try to find them and add them. 

So there it is my edited down opinions on this year’s SDCC, if you read this whole thing, thank you. If you read it and didn’t agree with any of it that’s ok, this is as I said just my opinion. 

Links:

SDCC Panel

Lemming Interview 1

Lemming Interview 2

Buckner Interview 

Dabb Interview

Jensen’s Interviews:

Interview 1

Interview 2

Interview 3

Interview 4

Jared’s Interviews:

Interview 1

Interview 2

Interview 3

Interview 4

[letsperaltiago]

We’ll sweep out the ashes in the morning |CHAPTER 1|

Heeeere comes the Peraltiago scandal ! 

This story takes place in an alternative universe, where Amy applied for and got the job as 'data analyst' for for Major Crimes (See episode 1.15: 'Operation Broken Feather' for further reference). This means that Jake and Amy no longer work together and havent for a few years. This also means that I don't know what right and technical job title this new job would get Amy, so I'm just going with/imagining that she was still a detective even after her transfer.

Read it on AO3 or simply enjoy it here! I appreciate comments more than you know <3 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

CHAPTER 1: I didn't mean to start this fire and neither did you

It really had been the best yet also most disastrous kind of accidental occurrence that day. Best back then, when Amy Santiago was promptly striding down the sidewalk on a just as coincidental cold, February morning.

Her head was dipped in a downwards adjustment, simply enough for her to absorb the new information on her phone which had just led her to pick it up from the pocket of her navy blue coat just a few seconds ago. Out of what seemed to be nowhere, it all came to a halt. Maybe more a thud and burst actually, when suddenly her phone flew out of her hand in one direction meanwhile the still warm coffee in her other hand travelled in the opposite direction. It took her a much startled second to realise that herself, her coffee, phone and a stranger suddenly had one thing in common; they were thrown off their respective paths with quite the vivacity. All that her eyes managed to grasp in the few fatal seconds was a black coat covering a masculine figure and chestnut-like hair. The remaining details remained undefined in her state of shock. All she knew was that she’d ignorantly stumbled into someone.

“Oh my goodness, I am so so sorry, sir!” She exclaimed immediately after her brain had put all the facts together and suddenly felt the guilt of being just another typical phone-addict; she used to be so good at limiting the amount of attention she’d give it. “I was reading an email and wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” She kneeled to pick up her phone from the icy sidewalk as well as the now empty cup (even an accident like this was no excuse to be a litterbug).

“Wow, Santiago. Who would’ve thought I’d ever experience you on your knees and calling me sir?”

As she was practically on her knees, the figure standing in front and above her allowed himself to speak; right then and there Amy Santiago could’ve sworn that she felt a scrap of familiarity rush through her body’s nervous system. The octave of the voice, deep enough for man’s but not enough to hide the manchild behind; Calling her Santiago? No one else would do that without a preceding ‘Sergeant’; the facility of the fall of the joke? Like it came from a place of practice and habit? It could only be…

“Peralta?” In contrast to how her head had previously been tilted forwards and down, it was now tilted backwards to look up at the half-stranger and take in the indeed chestnut-like hair (still messy and curly), cinnamon eyes and surprisingly unsurprisingly mischievous smile.

“The one and only,” the chuckle was just as familiar as the rest of him. “Here,” he kneeled down to her level and started to pick up things she hadn’t even realised she’d dropped. “Let me help you out.” He started reaching out for her keys and lipstick that’d been resting safely (or so she thought) in her purse.

Meanwhile Amy was still kneeling but with her back now straightened in bewilderment whilst her eyes followed his every movement with the purpose of figuring out if he was actually real. For how long she did this exactly, she doesn’t recall, but next thing she knew he’d followed her example and straightened his back as well. Still on his knees and eyes directed at her whilst holding her stuff in his hands. Rushing people walking by, or rather around, the kneeling couple didn’t seem to give in to their New York-curiousness. It was 8 AM and everyone had places to go. Including Amy herself, she suddenly realised and snapped out of her until now absent state of mind.

“Oh, wow! Uhm- thank you,” she fumbled with her words and hands as she grabbed her things from him before hastily standing back up. Once both back on their feet it hit her that she was being suspiciously far-flung considering the fact that Jake Peralta was no stranger and had been looking at her with nothing but kind and inviting eyes ever since she took a first dive into them approximately 30 seconds ago. Her body’s response to this realisation was a swift shake of the head. “And oh my goodness- hi!” She stuttered overwhelmed and awkwardly (Santiago-stylez) in the act of finally smiling for the first time post collision.

“Hi,” the reply was followed by his figure instantly leaning in to hug her like he’d been holding it back since realising who he’d collided with. Of course she automatically let her arms wrap their way back around his broad shoulders, hating how completely right and practically overwhelmingly good it felt. Almost like something that’d been missing had made its way back home. This was only proved right by the fact that it almost, just almost, made her heart drop when he pulled back.

“How are you doing? It’s been forever!” There was a swift switch in the direction of his gaze upon noticing a few drops of coffee on his coat, provoking him to quickly brush them off before redirecting his attention back to her. She could’ve sworn he’d fumbled just a bit too much in the process. Almost like he’d hoped that she hadn’t noticed him taking his eyes off of her for just a second. Attentive as always, she thought.  

“I’m good! And yeah it has been a while, hasn’t it?..” she couldn’t help but notice that the present dread in her voice was on the edge of obvious. Ever since Amy had gotten the job and transferred to Major Crimes to be a data analysts (with the Vulture), she had barely to never seen Jake since. Sure, they’d texted a bit back and forth, sent the occasional joke or meme, but even this had died out once they’d gotten used to the other’s absence at work and each their new life-partner: Teddy and Sophia.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Jake smiled brightly and Amy could never doubt the fact that he fully meant it. “…And I’m sorry I haven’t texted or called. Life, yanno?” He shot a look down at his carefully shuffling feet.

“Hey,” an impulse within her, like an overwhelming craving, brought her left hand to reach out across the space between them to gently squeeze his arm. “No worries. I’ve also been super busy and haven’t reached out. We’re cool.” To her delight his shoulders dropped in a sign of relaxation, his eyes rose back to hers and everything seemed to be as it should be, when you run into someone you used to know so well and maybe even used to consider your best friend. Pleased with this she allowed her hand to drop from its spot on him.

“No wonder why you’re out here running into people then, Santiago,” they both had to laugh at the comment, relishing in the resurfacing of familiar banter that used to and once again lead Amy to push a lock of her dark, freely hanging hair behind her ear. This triggered a thought that couldn’t help but welcome into his mind: would she still wear her hair up in the famous pony-tail he still remembered? Or was this lose hair her new thing? Her hair was so much longer now. Gosh, he had so many questions.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I got an email from work and had to check it,” she bit her bottom lip nervously, briefly holding up her phone as emphasis of her explanation.

“Always so devoted to duty,” Jake could barely tell if he was smiling again or just hadn’t stopped since he realised who he’d bumped into. “Anyways… I’m sure you have tons of things to catch up on, like emails and whatnot…” They both chuckled nervously, dancing around the fact that they both logically needed to go but seemed to lack the will. “… So I’ll let you get to work, detec-“

“Sergeant, actually,” there was a sense of pride and authority behind her correcting. Both in her voice and eyes. Something Jake couldn’t deny suited her incredibly well.

“Of course,” he picked up his now corrected point with a cheesy smile. “Why doesn’t that surprise me? I always knew you’d outrank me…” Jake couldn’t entirely tell if it was because of the cold or if it was because she was flattered, but her cheeks definitely bloomed with a shade of pink; just a tiny bit and enough for him to notice. “Anyways, I will let you get to work then, Sergeant…” he made sure to emphasise her new title, which to his enjoyment and suddenly lightly racing heart earned him an even wider smile in return. “Bye then.”

“Bye, Jake,” she smiled, before stepping beside him and picking up where her path had been interrupted.

With each clack of her heeled boots, each sound of her walking away and out of his life again, Jake felt his heart race beneath his increasingly clenching chest. Not that this had to mean anything specific, but it definitely brought along the manifestation of curiosity and the feeling of wanting to know more; he wanted to have a real conversation with her; he wanted to sit down and know her again… He felt his body push him to edge of actually asking which was oddly similar to wanting to throw up. There was nothing to lose or dangerous about catching up, right? They weren’t strangers, simply friends who’d drifted a part. Now was not the time to strive away from his otherwise so straightforward personality.

“Hey! Santiago!” He turned around on the spot, calling for her attention before she could get too far away and drown in New York’s sea of oh so important and busy people. Luckily she hadn’t been in a rush to get away from him and was simply a few feet away. “Would you like to catch up over a drink? Or crappy Chinese food?”

Hating how aware of his question he was, he was thrilled to see her smile at his last comment, resulting in the deflating of his question’s denseness.

“That…” She paused for a second, before realising that she was about to overthink it all which would mean giving the situation more meaning than actually needed. They were old colleagues, for Christ’s sake! Catching up was normal. Not weird. Not meaningful. Just… normal. Besides that there was this muted, constant thumping in her chest and gut. Somehow it was telling her that saying no would be betraying herself more than anything or anyone else. He had been her friend before, so it made sense that he hypothetically could become it again. “That would be nice, Peralta. Let’s do that. You still have my number right?”

Almost like he’d been holding his breath in anticipation (which he hadn’t ‘cause this was just Amy; Amy his old partner and friend), Jake breathed out a reply. “Yes! Awesome uh-  I’ll text you!”

Her smile was accompanied by an approving nod, before she turned back away from him to continue her already twice interrupted journey to work. Apparently Amy Santiago still provoked his blabber mouth; two interruptions wouldn’t let her go without a third. “Or I’ll send an email since you’re apparently so absorbed by those these days.” His half-yelled comment fought its way through the noisy crowd and earned him the impeccable sight of Amy Santiago doing a quick 360 mid-stride, only to send him an iconic eye roll and ‘annoyed but it’s funny’-smile. It all happened so fast, yet in slow motion if you’d asked Jake, and before he knew it Amy continued straight ahead like nothing had happened. Jake could’ve almost (just almost!) sworn to God that he’d never seen anything more thrilling and satisfying than those three seconds that it took her to do that.

She hadn’t changed, had she? And neither had they, had they?

[amnachil]

To the Perfection Chapter 2 Part 4

The next part for you guys :) More drama and... more drama that’s all.

Cody Thursday March 28

Wanting to please Thomas was a good idea. But hell if Cody knew how to do it. Now that he was convinced Ilhan and his crush were a thing he had decided to try his luck too. But the ginger literally hated him. He had tried everything... He had been coming to the gym with Joël in hope to have a training session the three of them together. He had tried his best during soccer's practice. But the truth was : Thomas didn't need him. He has a whole life without me. I wonder when I became an old memory for him... There was no point to ask any advice to Joël. He's nice and all but... Not very bright. So the teenager tried to spy on Ilhan. After all, his friend had succeeded to conquer Thomas's heart one way or another. But there was absolutely nothing special about him. Sure he was devoted, sweet and caring but Cody was all that too. And I know Thomas since kindergarten... And that was why this evening, Cody had came up with his ultimate plan. There was one person on earth who knew Thomas maybe better than Thomas himself. And luckily, this person would be back in two days for the weekend. The young teenager knocked at the Muller's door, a bit stressed. His ginger friend wasn't supposed to come back before hours. Because he's at Ilhan's place... Raphaël's boyfriend opened.

"Hi." greeted Cody. "You may not recognise me. I'm one of Thomas's friend ?"

The other nodded.

"Sorry but he's not here right now." he smiled.

"Well, that's not a problem since I didn't came to talk to him... Hum I was just... Well I don't know how to say it."

Dan looked at him curiously. He was a very chubby lad. Buff too. A great mix of fat and muscle to be fair, and Cody wouldn't put in a fight with him.

"I just wanted to talk to Raphaël this weekend about something..." he revealed. "I was just wondering if you could tell him that ? He doesn't answer his phone."

"Yeah, he's not in the country." replied the other. "And don't worry, I'll tell him. He should have some free time on saturday late afternoon."

"Nice. Thank you. Bye."

Cody left right away. This is my only chance. I need Raphaël to reveal me some intel about his sibling...

He was almost home when he recieved a text. Weird. Nobody ever texts me. But the content was even more surprising. Joël had sent him a link to the group chat of the class. Should I be offended I havn't been invited before ? He suddenly saw the photos. Thomas and Ilhan talking under the trees. Kissing. Going home. Jessica had posted a lot of them with a big caption :

< They're a couple ! So cool for our captain !!!! >

It hurt. Cody's heart clenched and he felt a wave of sadness take hold of him. This is nothing new. I already knew that. But it became more real now. He read Joël's text.

< Jo : OhMigOd ThoMy Is gAy !! ILhAn toO ! WhAt do You tHinK ?!! >

I feel like shit. I want to puke. All these years he had restrained his feelings because he thought Thomas was interested in girls. And now that they were growing apart, the love of his life happened to be into men. Another message popped in.

< Jo : I thInk thisis CoOl ! BuT Man ThomY coUd havE tOld uS ! >

Note for later : teach Joël how to type on a cellphone... Well of course their friend hadn't tell them. Because they weren't friends anymore. Barely acquaintances. We don't know him anymore. He finally replied.

< Cody : I hope they will be fine with this huge revelation. This is not a silly topic and Jessica did something bad. You should not talk to them about it before they agree to talk openly. >

< Jo : ToO Late !! xoxo TexTed Tomy. He SaiD iT wAs finE. He'S oky ! >

Cody shut off his phone. So it was fine ? I don't want to think about it anymore. Fine... They were a couple and it was fine if everyone knew about it. What are my chances in these conditions ? He decided to cry only when he was locked in his bedroom.

Dan Saturday March 30

Everything looked different when you were next to the person you loved. Dan couldn't say how happy he was to have Raphaël back. It's only for two days, but it feels so damn good. The morning went perfectly. Same for lunch time : it looked like the two brothers had made peace now. Thomas was smiling perfectly and acting nicely. So the college student couldn't picture what could go wrong. At least until Cody showed up. The teenager sat in the living room with Raphaël. He was obviously stressed, even shaking a bit. Well, Dan wasn't the most observant people on earth but he had noted how Thomas was staring at his "friend". The way he had tensed up when this one had came inside. There is something bad going on between them.

"You wanted to talk with me." smiled Raphaël. "I'm all ears."

"Yeah well... Sorry if I'm bothering you. I'll make it short."

"The faster, the better." approved Thomas. "My brother gets only two day for himself."

His comment brought a cold look from Raphaël and Cody became even more discomforted.

"It's just... I was worried about Thomas. I fear how our classmates will react to his forced coming out. I mean when the photo of him and Ilhan together went out, people were crazy. I don't want anyone to hurt him."

A blank followed. Dan blinked, stunned. Wait. I need time to process. Thomas's forced coming out ? Thomas and Ilhan ? The reaction of people ? A feeling of deja-vu made him uneasy. His own experience had been kinda similar. Next to him, Thomas sighed. He was apparently annoyed. Raphaël on the other hand didn't move an inch. He was like frozen.

"Uh... Did I said something bad ?" asked Cody.

"No." whispered the eldest brother. "I understand what you're saying. Being gay can be perceived as a sin and people can be very intolerant about it. Thomas must be very happy to have a friend like you who support him through this. Especially if his coming out wasn't... planned."

He glanced at his sibling who looked away.

"I'm also very happy for you Thomas." he continued. "It's nice to know you find someone you... can show affection to."

Dan frowned. It was very difficult to know what Raphaël was thinking. He's so impassive, so apathetic. I think he's trying very hard to show an emotion but he's failing.

"Maybe... Maybe you should discuss about it with Thomas himself." suggested Raphaël. "Oh and Dan can help, he had a similar experience. I will just... Go away."

When the college student arrived in the bedroom an hour later, his boyfriend was laying in the bed, covered by the blanket. Thomas, despite being a bit mad, had tried to be nice and he had explained things to Cody and Dan. So they're a couple for one month now. Well honestly I'm not that surprised.

"Can you close the door ?" asked Raphaël. "The light is bothering me."

His cold tone alerted Dan who obeyed diligently. He laid next to his man and passed an harm around his shoulders.

"Are you alright ?" he whispered.

Only silent. No he's not. But the brown lad didn't know why exactly. Yes it was quite a big thing but there were no reason to be in one hell of a state right ? Thomas was gay and he dated a classmate. It was all good news !

"Are you worried about your brother ?" he asked. "I know very well it can be scary but he's fine. He has friend who care about him. A wonderful and supportive brother. There is nothing common between my coming out and his. I can even ask Darren to watch him at school and..."

Raphaël suddenly raise his head. His face was particulary cold.

"You talked with Darren ?" he mumbled with a scaring voice.

"Well yeah ? He's my bestfriend remember ? Oh yeah I told you he was distant lately but we're better now. He was just having some doubts about himself."

His boyfriend dug his head in his soft chest.

"This is a shitty day." he whispered. "I just want to sleep."

"Okay. Come here baby."

Thomas Sunday March 31

"So... urp. We're... urp... boyfriend now ?"

"It has been a month. If people ask, tell them this."

Ilhan rolled his eyes. He swallowed the spoonful of jelly Thomas was giving him. A belly rub made him moan.

"I got that." he said. "But are we boyfriend boyfriend or what ?"

The ginger gave him a dirty look. How stupid can he be ?

"We're pretending to be a couple." he explained. "If people ask, we're dating. Isn't it clear enough ?"

With his two hands he pushed the other onto the mattress. He had a better view of his swollen stomach now. It looks nicely stuffed.

"Wait. Does that mean you love me now ?" asked again Ilhan.

"Heck do I look like I love you man ? You're gross."

While speaking, Thomas unbuttoned Ilhan's pants and stroked his dick. I'm sure he can fit at least one more pie.

"And why are we pretending again ?"

"That's defenitely not your business."

There were several reasons for it. First of all, even if he hated to admit it, Thomas needed to fuck someone to avoid any tragic accident with Dan. And Ilhan was better than a nobody. Secondly, now that everyone knew about their thing, it was easier to pretend to be a couple. And finally Raphaël wouldn't suspect that his brother has a huge (really huge) crush on his boyfriend if he was dating someone else. Thomas cut the pie.

"This is simple." he stated. "You continue to be exactly what you're : a perfect little piggy who is craving to be fucked. And at school be the same. Don't try to be sweet or to show affection, it would be sickening."

"O... Okay."

"Now let's finish this pie. I want the nurse to be horrified tomorrow when she realises you weight 86 kg (190 pounds) of pure blubber."

When he headed home on late afternoon, Thomas was thinking. He had made the best of this bad situation. I should have known people would eventually find out. Cody had truly screwed up this time. This useless stupid leech would pay for this one way or an other. But at least, now Raphaël knew and more importantly, Dan too. All I need now is to be better than my brother. He was coming closer to his home when he felt a cold. His surroundings were freezing. Or maybe it was only in his head.

"I told you to not talk to him ever again." a very, very (very) cold tone resonated. "Do I need to repeat myself ?"

Thomas decided it was better to hide. He ran behind the nearest tree and looked around. Raphaël was talking with Darren. I knew there was something fishy.

"Look, you're mad, I get it." assured the science teacher. "And you despise me, fair enough. But Dan is my bestfriend and I won't let him down. We're having fun together, I'm not a threat anymore !"

Anymore ?! What does that mean ? This is so interesting ! The temperature seemed to decrease. Everything looked about to die of exposure. Thomas had already lived such a phenomenon once. A very long time ago, when their father had almost hit their mother. Raphaël, 8 at the time, had ordered him to stop. He had been emitting the same aura back then and now. Needless to say, their father had never even raised his voice again.

"There is no way I let you hang out with my boyfriend." said the ginger.

His tone was deadly cold. Thomas almost see frost spead around him. It was frankly terrifying and he shivered. He would face the same dreadful voice if Raphaël discovered his plan to steal Dan's love from him.

"I assure you I'm not the same person than in middle school !" whined Darren with fear. "I beg you. I just want to be his friend. I won't tell him about us, never."

About what now ?! Thomas was clearly afraid of his brother but he smiled anyway. His science teacher and Raphaël had been a couple ! That was the best thing he could have asked for ! Man, I already picture Dan getting jealous... Raph getting mad... And when my dear love realise how scary he is... This is it. It was his perfect plan. He only needed proof.

To be continued

Cody is depressed because he has a crush on the most perfect person in the world... Although a lot of people would think otherwise. Ilhan being the first in line ;)

Anyway, our young ginger found a weakness to his dangerous (magical ?) brother. How will he exploit it ? Raphaël doesn’t seems good, but it’s only the beginning of his problems.

For those who wonder, Liam (MC of the College Society) believes Raphaël is a mutant. And maybe he’s right, because this is some terrifying aura that he has here.

[alittleroseandhoneyblog-blog]

Sticks and Stones

A comment left on one of my photos!*

Let’s start this by simply saying Thank you!

Thank you for taking the time to comment on one of my photos – thank you for providing your opinion on a topic that we as women face on a daily basis – I want you to know that when you attacked my body, you did not effect me in a negative way – you did not discolor my self esteem, you did not hurt me (as I have been through far worse) and you certainly did not make me think any less of myself– in fact you empowered me.

You’ve made me stronger, so thank you!    

In many ways you are right, your opinion is exactly that – but it’s your form of “fit” that I do not fit into – not mine (or those who love me)  You see, this whole industry is in the eye of the beholder – it’s what we choose to get out of the process that matters, it’s all indifferent and perhaps if you removed your rose-colored glasses you would see beauty in all the different shapes and sizes the human body comes in rather then taunting those around you for not having your form of fit.

Those comments set us back, they linger and are a leading cause of so much self doubt and self sabotage and that conversation needs to change, you cannot be teaching children that – in fact, you should be educating yourself because YOUR perception of what “FIT” is needs to change.

FIT is defined as

“in good health”

……especially because of regular physical exercise.  

Well, that sounds like me…I mean

I have climbed the CN tower stairs, twice – all 1,776 of them.

I dance, every day for upwards of an hour or two

I lift weights every day

I fuel my body properly; I do not diet or restrict what foods I put into my body (because I am human)

So contrary to an unsolicited opinion on MY body…I AM FIT and here’s the thing- YOU (whoever you were) don’t get to decide – 

I have moved past that way of thinking – and I invite you to as well!  

I am not an expert.  I do not have a flashy background it fitness, I am not a trainer or a nutritionist – but what I do have is life experience, I’ve been through trauma (that I am still healing from) I have demons that I have been so ashamed to face until recently because of fear of judgement from not only strangers but from people who frequent my table.  The truth is none of this is easy to talk about, no one wants to stand up and talk about their body in a negative way, or relive their toxic relationships no one wants to risk appearing weak when there is already so much judgment out there, but guess what, we all have pasts, we all have gone through something that has lead us to be who we are today and just because someone has a similar story and lived through similar situations (and survived) doesn’t mean that your story is any less validated, it doesn’t make the experience any less traumatic or hard and it certainly doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to tell it – we tell our stories in hopes that it helps someone so that it shows that we can go through dark times and still rise – we should be encouraging people to read their chapters out loud instead of claiming rights to something that many of us have faced whether its disordered eating, body image, mental health, self sabotage, relationships…and so much more. 

My first ever heartbreak had a lot to do with my weight at 21 … I will never forget how I watched a man that I loved fall out of love with me as the number on the scale went up. I was insecure about it but we never talked about it - I never asked the right questions I never asked if he was still attracted to me (as he gained the same “happy” weight I did) I didn’t ask if he was falling out of love with me but up until that point I never struggled with my body image and I believed that the number on the scale didn’t define me – but the truth is, it DID (in my own mind at least) – and in the end he broke up with me.  Truthfully, I can pinpoint that to exactly when my negative relationship with my body started.  B and I ate out a lot and If we weren’t eating out then I was cooking big meals that were greasy and with portion sizes that were out of control, I thought food solved everything. I gained about 30 “happy pounds” and hit my second puberty. My hips went up 5 sizes, my boobs were out of control and I didn’t recognize the girl I saw in the mirror anymore.

Dating as a chubby girl was seriously depressing so much so that I tried online dating (I know, save the judgment for later) I remember only using pictures of my face and avoiding anything that showed my body – and I ended up meeting this guy and after a few days of us texting we went for a movie (we had a wonderful time and he seemed really into me) but unfortunately on the ride home he pulled over 3 times and PULLED IT OUT…(I am not joking and there is a whole other story to this) anyways – I declined – politely (3 times, once with tears lol)  I could tell that his ego was a little hurt.  Shortly after he dropped me off at home I got a message from him that said… “you know you’re a lot bigger in person” as if that was the reason he wasn’t going to see me again - (not that he was a total pig) but honestly I was shocked and so embarrassed that someone openly commented on my weight (that wasn’t my grandma) and I wont lie It really hurt my feelings,  but I politely reminded him that the weight was something I could easily work off, but he was stuck with a small dick for the rest of his life (lol) and so we never spoke again (until he came across my social media last year and has been creeping ever since!!)

The truth is in that moment I became so desperate to have my old body back - to be able to fit into my old pair of jeans (the “before” him jeans) that I started skipping meals – I lied to my loved ones about what I was putting in my body - I ended up in the hospital - multiple times with stomach pain and exhaustion - I took a leave of absence from work because I was too sick to even get out of bed.  

I DID THAT - I starved my body and all I can remember thinking at the time was that it worked, I lost the weight as if it was some miracle.  It didn’t change anything- I was still sad, I was still skipping meals and I knew that mentally I was not in a good place and it didn’t help that 6 months after the break up that spiraled all those negative feelings just announced he was getting married.  This went on for about a year, where I struggled with disordered eating and my body image - I met matt, at my thinnest and I maintained that as long as I could - fast forward to pregnancy (which turned out the be incredibly unhealthy) I was still  starving my body, its really the only pattern I knew and I continued to watch my weight,  I didn’t want a repeat of what happened with B, So I limited my calorie intake – But once I realized what I was doing I started eating smaller meals more often, then the portions became larger, and within a few weeks I went from not eating the foods I wanted to eating everything in sight.  I would over-eat…and then eat and then eat some more…and in 3 months I gained almost 40lbs (60lbs my total pregnancy), went borderline Diabetic and ended up having a premature birth at 7 months followed by my gallbladder being removed shortly after-  great experience, right!  

My mentality at that time was “Well my body is changing anyways, may as well enjoy it…”

Or “I’ve already gained this much weight, what’s another few pounds….”

WRONG, wrong, wrong WRONG - that is not a healthy mentality at all and again is a part of that self sabotaging culture that we as women live in.

I wasn’t surprised that 5 years later I still owned 95% of that “baby weight”, I knew I needed to get serious – I put blinders on when it came to my health I was overweight, I was lazy and I lacked motivation to work out and it wasn’t until about a year ago that I actually committed to something that worked for me… (did you catch that… “something that worked for me”, because everyone is different ) Anyways- It certainly didn’t happen overnight, and I had to overcome a lot of personal demons that ended up being bigger then just a negative body image - I had to get raw and admit that in some situations I was the toxic person – that I allowed my circumstances and for that I carried so much guilt. 

The point is! 

As human beings we need to learn to co-exsist with all of our demons whether its food, weight or body shape or even our mental health – we need to be as patient with ourselves as we are others, mindful of our own feelings, our own needs and we need to cultivate in them.  This is why this conversation is so important to me – why I choose to address certain things, why my social media is public- no one but me has the right to narrate my story and so the best I can do is live well,  without fear of judgment, comfortable in my skin, in my decisions 

- Although I am as open as I can be, I choose to be very conscious about what I post on social media (for a few reasons) - One is simple, my husband has to approve of the content being posted. Out of respect and love for that man who has supported me unconditionally throughout this process, regardless of being 1000% confident in my “now” body, he prefers some things to stay private (in which I totally agree) but the other is because there are people (no scratch that) women out there whose “dream body” is my “then” body –  and the words I use to describe how I felt in my own skin during that time can damage someone else’s perception of their dream body, it can become discouraging – But understand this, I know now that my body was actually never the problem. That additional weight I carried, was beautiful. I admit there have been things that I have been insecure about, yes but that was society making me believe that my body didn’t look right,  that was social media and marketing saying you are only worthy of real love at a 120lb and everything else is unlovable.  That was my own self sabotage that made me believe I wasn’t good enough as is and so I went to drastic measures to try and comply to what society told me beautiful should be and throughout this entire process I wish I would have told myself sooner that being a size 12 did not change my banging personality or my sense of humour and being a size 8 didn’t change my heart, or how I viewed the world and being a size 4 now doesn’t make me any better of a person then I was 10 years ago when I felt my worth was dictated by the number on the scale.  I have had to accept that not everyone will see “fit” the same way I do and unfortunately because I have decided to put my life on social media the way I do, I have opened a window for others to form that opinion of me, I have allowed them judge me, to be passive towards me or to even question my character and in some cases those opinions will be voiced but I welcome them and if by chance you are that person who wants to dim my light know this you can’t break me - I am 10000% comfortable and confident in who I am – Broken past, Belly fat, cellulite, saggy boobs and all (Lol)

I will end with this, I will not apologize for “showing off” as I have earned the right to – I will not apologize for over coming the two worst relationships I’ve ever had and will ever have in my life (food and my self worth) – I will not apologize for being my own version of fit even if it doesn’t align with yours and I certainly will not apologize for being who I am.

As far as I am concerned, as long as you are not harming others in any way, live unapologetically in all you do.  You don’t need validation from anyone or anything!

[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence: Counterpoint, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 5

Summary:  After being recompleted, Ienzo vows to do everything in his power to atone for the atrocities he committed in the past. But this life hasn't been easy, and he's plagued with memories and nightmares. When Demyx suddenly reappears, the two discover that they have more in common than they thought, though the secrets in their past might tear them apart. Zemyx (Demyx/Ienzo), post kh3

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

For the next day--for the next several, actually, it was so hard to tell time in this lab--Ienzo worked tirelessly. He read through the backlogs of the apprentices’ original research, thousands of pages of it, examining and cross-examining psychological and chemical experiments alike. There had been, in total, some hundred subjects, not counting those who had been deemed outliers or had gotten turned away at the beginning. One hundred people.

He knew better than to eat before he worked. He drank tea with extra honey to keep up his blood sugar and willed himself to feel numb.

The first dozen or so subjects had been volunteers, and unrelated to one another. After that, there were some pairs, a mother and son, friends. The first twenty or so had samples taken, were asked some questions about their life experiences and their relations to one another, and then the results were studied. This was the more-or-less harmless beginning.

There were physiological correlations for the existence of bonds between hearts. Heart rates would nearly synchronize, especially between family members or lovers or anyone who had bonded for many years, rather than just friends or those in strained relationships. Rates of oxytocin and dopamine were generally higher, and people were generally happier and more well-adjusted.

It was around then they started getting cocky. To put it mildly.

If the strength of bonds could make someone happy, what would happen if they were to break?

Or if a person had no bonds--did that make them more unstable?

They started to keep subjects longer, overnight, then for weeks on end, in those awful hollow cells in the lab’s basement. There was fear, panic, and this made it all the easier for the loaded questions to stick. Rather than build people up, this psychology tore them down.

Soon after the first Heartless was born from them. This person had been a young woman, and she’d screamed and screamed for hours before finally succumbing to the darkness within.

Ienzo remembered feeling scared. And to a degree the others had too, but they hadn’t backed down. They interpreted it as another discovery about human nature.

He closed out of the files briefly and rested his head in his hands. This felt like torture. But if he could only find some insight, he might be able to use this pain to help Sora. If only he had samples from Sora and Riku, or Sora and Kairi. If the trace was there, physically, there might be some way to induce a sleep that would allow Riku to connect with Sora, something akin to what had happened during the Mark of Mastery exam. But how? He had no magic to perform such rituals, and to do so medically was dangerous.

He felt like he was back at square one. Ienzo stood, noting the tremor in his knees. Firstly, he needed to eat and take care of his body. He could figure out the rest once he was stable.

He did so, was able to keep down a meal and sleep for a few hours. His circadian rhythm was hopelessly off; it was the middle of the day. For some reason his teeth were chattering, even though he wasn’t cold, and he knew he needed a break from this project before it started to worsen his own psychological state. Yet to do nothing and purely rest would be a bad idea. He needed distraction.

Ienzo went back to the study room and sat on the bench. It was uncomfortable, he noted, not that he was after comfort. He opened the first page of the score. He could only read treble clef, and not very well; he had to mutter a quick mnemonic under his breath to orient himself. The metering was odd, too, with the sixteenth note carrying the beat. He tried to count it out. Did it work rhythmically with his translation? It was really only the written language that evolved, the actual words had remained mostly the same when spoken.

Ienzo could not seem to get it right. Playing the keys felt awkward, though he could remember Dilan once remarking he had pianist’s fingers.

“You going ahead without me?” Demyx’s voice startled him. He smiled slightly.

“Oh, Demyx. No. Not quite. I just… I was trying to figure out the rhythm of a phrase. It changes the meaning of the characters in my translation, which changes the meaning of… just about everything.” He set his head in his palms. “I’d basically have to start over.”

“How long have you been at this?” Demyx asked. “It… seems like you’re pretty tired.”

Ienzo blinked, then looked out the window. The sky was pink. “...Quite some time,” he admitted. “I… tend to lose track.”

Demyx sat next to him on the bench. “Which section do you mean?”

“This little bit here. See?” He touched the measure in question. Ienzo played the phrase, and he saw from Demyx’s grimace that he’d had it completely wrong. “I can’t for the life of me count it out correctly. I… should have waited for you.” In a moment of exhaustion, he considered confessing what he’d been up to. He didn’t want to bear it alone, but why should he burden Demyx? Their relationship was tenuous as it was.

He held out his hand, unbandaged. The scar was red, but it seemed to be healing well. Ienzo was struck with the odd urge to run his finger over it. He hadn’t seen a naturally healed wound in a long time. That had to be why, right?  “Well, you’re in luck. I’m all healed up. Even took out the stitches. Let me see. Oh, right. I remember this.” He wrinkled his nose. “It’s the meter. 29/16ths.”

Ienzo did not know what that meant. “Beg pardon?”

Demyx rolled his eyes a little. “I know, right? God, at least make it an even number. 30/16ths would be so much easier to count. And they’re short measures, too, that all bleed into each other. It’s so…”

“Chaotic,” they said at the same time.

Suddenly, Demyx looked shy. “Well, it sounds kind of more like this.” He played through the bridge with more fluidity than Ienzo had. “I’m sure on the actual sectioned instrument it would be completely different. And that would be…” He thumbed through the pages, seeking the same phrase. “...This one. And it’s got a treble clef, which means your options are really, really open. ...What’s this?” He gestured to the rune next to it.

“They’re letters. Let me see.” Ienzo checked the dictionary. “My guess would be either an F or an S. Runes are, for whatever reason, pretty phonetically similar to our language now. If I had to start my studies all over again I think I would focus on linguistics. It’s just so delightfully complicated, and it really reveals a lot about human psychology how words and roots formed--” Goodness, he was rambling. He cut himself off. Linguistics was one of his favorite subjects in private study, but it had never applied to anything he’d done as an apprentice. It left it untainted.

Demyx’s brows furrowed. “An F? But it could mean flute, but that would mean it transposes higher, and that… feels off.” He played the notes in octave. “But if it’s an S… what could it be?”

Ienzo went back to his translation from several days previously. “Dawn. That’s the first character. So, if I’m correct at all, the first phrase is “Dawn town.” Maybe’s more like “Dawn, Town,” with a comma. Maybe it’s more of an action line. But that’s not the correct participle.”

With an unreadable expression, Demyx said, “Daybreak Town.”

“I’m sorry?”

He shook his head. “Not dawn. Daybreak. The rhythm wouldn’t fit.” He played it again. “It fits with “Daybreak”.”

That was absolutely correct, Ienzo realized. With a little jolt, he realized that, here with them working at about the same level of competency, he was having fun with Demyx. It had been a long while since he’d found this sort of eager ease in his research. The pain of the past few days dissipated a little. “You’re right. That’s so apt. Daybreak Town. I wonder what that is. Is it poetic license? A place? I’ve no clue.” He stood up and started poring through geography books. “Perhaps there’s a reference to it in some sort of history…” The sunlight was fully through the window now, warm as it grew weaker.

When Ienzo looked back up, he saw Demyx staring at him with an puzzled look.

“You’ve an odd expression on your face. Is everything okay?”

Demyx jumped a little. “Yeah, uh, fine.” He cleared his throat. “You seem pretty passionate about this kind of stuff.”

“Passionate?” He paused. Yes, that was right. “Yes. I suppose. I’ve never defined it at such, but I… I always feel most myself when I’m in my research. Making connections.”

Demyx nodded and sat forward a little. “I know what you mean. That’s how I feel when I make my music. Like… I’m part of something worth something. Like I have…”

“Purpose,” Ienzo said. “I refuse to believe things are meaningless.”

“I find you easier to talk to than Zexion,” Demyx said. “Why is that?”

The comment made him feel weak. Was it possible Ienzo was wrong? Could he ever leave behind Zexion’s darkness? “He and I are… not the same,” he said. “Every day I’m working harder to be a better person, to make up for all of the terrible choices I’ve made. It is… exhausting.” He looked away. He wondered if he should bring it up, this anxiety they had so in common, but decided against it. “You are different as well. I know it’s still hard to realize this.”

He shook his head. “The others don’t either. I just wonder how much of our Nobody selves were made of bad memories. I mean… I was a complete asshole. The way I treated Roxas--” He trailed off, turning pink. Was it possible he felt regret?

“It’s unfortunate there’s no way to quantify what you mean,” Ienzo said. “There must be purchase in it. If you’ve no conscience, no empathy, it’s easy to make bad decisions. Because none of it matters. I don’t want to live like that any more. Now that I’ve a choice.” It seemed like a revelation to him. Was Zexion psychologically different enough that he was not entirely to blame? But--what about when he was a child?

“Me either,” Demyx said quietly.

This commonality found, Ienzo drummed his fingers on the piano bench. “Hopefully this research will shed some light on the past,” Ienzo said. “Shall we get back  to work?”

The next morning, Demyx was late. Ienzo was disappointed, but not surprised. He tried to push through a few more of the lyrical lines.

With yesterday’s context, the first line became Daybreak Town is a fucking mess. Was it some sort of self-deprecating folk song? But considering how chaotically the song began, Ienzo wondered if it were more of a tone poem.

More fights breaking out. That line was simple enough. Keys and sparks flying everywhere. By “keys”, did they mean Keyblades? What else could they mean?

While Ienzo puzzled this, Demyx came in quietly. He was pale, his face drawn, and he clutched one elbow in self-support. He started rehearsing quietly, his playing not as fluid or as perfect as before. Ienzo bent back over his book. He considered asking if something was wrong, but if it were, what could he say in reassurance?

“Do you ever have nightmares?” Demyx asked so suddenly it startled him.

“Well… I suppose to a degree. Everyone does at some point or another. Why is it you ask?”

“I had a really bad one last night and I can’t get it out of my mind. It just… it felt so real,” he said.

So that was why he was so shaken. Ienzo turned towards him. “What was it about?”

Demyx shuddered. He spoke haltingly, in a low, restrained voice unlike his normal patter. “I was in the Keyblade Graveyard. There were… so many bodies in armor… cut up… bleeding… completely dismembered… The Keyblades were everywhere. There was so much blood in the dirt that it was muddy, and red.”

Ienzo considered this. These dreams were terrible, but unfortunately a price to pay for surviving Xehanort. “Perhaps this is a manifestation of survivor’s guilt, because you weren’t one of the true vessels, and thus, didn’t perish in battle. It’s a natural psychological response. We internalize trauma differently as humans.”

He hugged himself more tightly. “Trauma? Do you think I’m traumatized?”

Surely he didn’t think this behavior was normal for humans? “In all likelihood, yes. I’m not qualified by any means to make that diagnosis, but considering what you’ve been through--and by extension, the rest of us--some sort of post-traumatic stress is not uncalled for.”

“I just want it to not bother me.” His voice dropped to almost nothing.

Ienzo frowned, knowing that sensation all too well. “I’m sure. If there was something I could do to help you, I would. Unfortunately, there’s no easy cure. You just must remind yourself that the pain you feel is illogical, and it will pass. The best key to these things is usually reason.” It wasn’t much help, but it was something he could offer.

“Always one of my strong suits,” he said dryly.

“You just need something to center yourself,” Ienzo said. He was aware of how artificial he sounded, and he hated it. “Something you can hang onto when these moments come.”

Demyx’s eyes met his. “Do you experience the same thing?”

Right. He was sharper than they’d given him credit. There was a reason Demyx had been largely in charge of reconnaissance. “For many years. Even before the Organization.”

Demyx hesitated. “What happened to you?”

Ienzo froze. He didn’t have to tell him, but at the same time, part of him wanted to. “You know I was very young when Ansem the Wise took me in.”

He shrugged. “Yeah. Of course.”

Ienzo took a deep breath. “Do you know why that is?”

“I just figured you were that smart.”

It was so much easier not to make eye contact. “You flatter me. ...My parents passed away when I was a child. It was… not natural.” Maybe if he said it quickly, he could get it over with.

Demyx turned towards him more fully, a sad, knowing expression on his face. “Heartless?”

“No. Heartless were not as common then. There was another type of monster, one created from negative emotions. We know now that they come from Ventus’s counterpart, Vanitas. But then… they were everywhere. I was actually coming from here… this very castle… with both of my parents. It was open to the public then. And… well. There was a swarm.”

The memories to him were very vague, cauterized by time and trauma. He remembered more having the story explained to him than experiencing it.

“Both of my parents passed. I only survived because Aeleus was on duty and stepped in. I’ve still got the scars.” It felt odd, but not entirely uncalled for, to show Demyx the scars at the top of his shoulder. They’d stretched and whitened as he’d grown, and often he forgot they were there.

It was then Ienzo became aware of how closely they were sitting; there was little enough space. Demyx lightly brushed his fingers against the scars. Ienzo flinched at the unexpected touch. “I’m sorry,” Demyx said quickly. “I wasn’t thinking. And, um. I’m sorry about your parents, too.”

He fixed his shirt. “I don’t remember much of them, even now. But you see. When you insist I cannot understand… I understand better than you know.”

“Yes,” he said.

For a moment they held eye contact. Ienzo could still feel what it had been like to have these scars touched, the slight calloused scratch. A feeling he could not recognize bloomed within him. Whatever it was scared him. He glanced over at the clock and noted with relief that it was getting late. “It’s about time for me to start making dinner. You’ll join us, right?”

“Right,” he said. Ienzo left. In his pockets, his hands trembled.

Ienzo had always thought he understood emotion, at least from a purely literal perspective. This is sadness. This is fear. This is anger. And so on.

What was it he was feeling?

Whatever it was it was strong, and he could feel it under his skin, all too warm and alive. It was not necessarily unpleasant. The only anxiety he was experiencing came from the unknown.

After dinner, he sat in his bedroom and tried to puzzle it out. It had happened when Demyx touched his old Unversed scars. Ienzo ran his fingers over them experimentally but felt nothing but skin. The last time he’d been touched by anyone else--Ansem, when he was sick--he’d felt an odd revulsion. What was so different about Demyx’s touch? This was, he realized, the second time he’d felt this emotion, not the first; it had been there last week when he’d stitched his hand. And again when he’d watched him play piano.

Ienzo’s breathing hitched. He let himself remember having the scars touched, and felt a soft pulse of the emotion, like light.

He got up and crossed over to his bookshelf. He pulled out the old dictionary and riffled the thin, brittle pages until he found what he was looking for.

Longing, n; a strong desire especially for something unattainable. See also: pining, passion, lust.

Was it even possible?

He put the dictionary away and sat on his bed, shaking all over. The panic made him dizzy. Somehow or another these feelings had grown within him against all awareness, bright and sharp and piercing. Ienzo wanted--

That’s what it was. He wanted the unknown. And he wanted Demyx to be in it with him.

“Oh, fuck,” he said.

[otome-addicts-notsoanonymous]

This is the entry for @suzunokoi for the fanfic giveaway! Remember, you must COMMENT on this post to vote! Voting rules and the master post can be found under #fanficgiveawaymaster or here. Other submissions can also be found under #fanficsubmissions.

First Love and the Promise of the Future Chapter 1 (SITSC Fanfic)

Chapter 1

Meeting You Again

The Point of View and Reminisce of Mirai Kageyama

            It was a hot nearly midsummer day in May when I first met her. My first and only love whom I have never forgotten since the day we met. Even now, I still think back to that day.

            She was a beauty that crossed right into my path on day. I had been lying down on the grass, and I was looking up at the sky. Back then, I was bored out of my mind like some teenage kid who had nothing else to do than stare at something in front of him. In fact, I was in my teens during that time, and I was 16 years old, in my second year of high school.

            I sighed. “What am I even doing? All I do during my free time is lie down on the grass and look at the sky all day at the same place.”

            There was no one around as I said these words aloud. At least, that was what I thought until I heard something near me.

            “Stupid Mana… She’s always telling me that she’s better than I am.” It was a girl’s voice. “Just because she’s the strongest hero at school, doesn’t mean that she should try to prove her strength against me when I’m around her. Geez.”

            It sounded as though the girl was venting her anger out on someone.

            Is she talking about her rival or something? I thought.

            I wasn’t really interested or anything. I wasn’t even looking at my surroundings, either, so I didn’t even know what she looked like, or what she was doing. That was, until…

            “Ahh!”

            I heard a scream when something had hit my legs in front. There was some pain around my ankles, but it wasn’t as upsetting as the discomfort around my upper thighs. That was when I looked up and saw a girl with shoulder length hair that was a very dark shade of pink, like a dark cerise color, or a dark magenta color. Perhaps it was more like a darker shade of Mexican pink. Whatever the shade was, it was definitely very—and I mean very—dark for a pink color. She also had sapphire blue eyes and she wore a school uniform on like me, but was from a different school. There was also a white ribbon tied around the left side of her hair and had a surprised (or should I say a more intrigued expression) on her face as she stared at me. I stared right back with a similar look of my own.

            “…” She kept staring into my eyes with that same expression on her face before asking a question from me. “Why are you laying down like that?”

            I looked right back at her, stilled speechless from the fact that she fell right on top of me. “…”

            Then, she smiled. “Never mind that. Anyway, I’m Kirie Kuroki. I’m a second-year student at Souseizouma Academy. What’s your name?”

            “My name is Mirai Kageyama,” I answered. “I’m a first-year student at Kazenori Academy (風典学園 Kazenori Gakuen).”

            “By the way,” she added, “you can call me Kirie. There’s no need for any formalities, so you don’t have to say my name with an honorific attached to it.”  She backed away and stood up confidently, and held out her right hand. “Here. Let me help you up.”

            I took her hand and she pulled me up without and problem. “That’s a pretty strong grip you’ve got there, Kirie,” I said, moving my fingers back and forth as I looked at my hand. I was amazed by how she easily got me onto my feet in an instant. It was almost as if our roles as a guy and girl were reversed because of her masculinity. But, I had to say, she was really pretty. She had the figure of a normal girl. Although, she seemed more tomboyish in my eyes.

            There again was another smile from her. “Thanks, Mirai.” Within a split second, she blinked as though an idea suddenly came to mind. “I know! Why don’t we make a promise?”

            “A promise?” I tilted my head to the side, slightly puzzled by her notion.

            She nodded with her eyes closed and opened them shortly afterward to look at me. “Yeah. A promise to meet again and become lovers.”

            “Huh?!” My eyes widened, and I was taken aback by those words.

            “You don’t want to?” she asked.

            I soon found myself blushing as I stared into her blue eyes. The moment I first saw her when she was on top of me, I had fallen in love with her. I just didn’t realize what my speechlessness was until now.

            I shook my head rapidly. “No. It’s not that I don’t want to. I mean, I really do want to see you again, Kirie. So…”

            Kirie smiled softly at me. “Then… Let’s make a promise. If by any chance that we do see each other again, Mirai, we’ll officially become lovers.”

            I nodded nervously. “Yeah.”

            “Then, get ready for this.”

            I had no time to reply when all of a sudden, Kirie swiftly came forward and kissed me on the lips. I couldn’t believe what had just happened, but then, I quickly accepted it and returned her kiss, sealing our promise in hopes of meeting her again one day.

Three years have passed since then. I’m now an undergraduate at Rentomi College (練福大学 Rentomi Daigaku). Since I’m in my second year here, I’ll be able to graduate by next spring when I turn 20. It’s mainly due to the fact that I’ve been putting in more time and effort in taking several classes. However, I still can’t believe that I’ll graduate on my own birthday. It just never really striked me as a very logical thing to do as a young adult.

            I gave a sigh and glanced at the sky, moving my head slightly. “I wonder how Kirie’s been keeping up this whole time. I really want to see her again.”

End of Mirai’s Point of View

At the same time in an editorial office

            A young woman with dark magenta hair pinned up behind her head was handing in a large stack of papers to someone; she had blue eyes and wore a pair of rounded glasses that had silver frames.

            “Here you go, Takuji,” she said with a refreshing smile. “You can get this all done before lunch, right?”

            A young man with mint-colored hair and periwinkle eyes grinned eagerly. “You can count on me, Kirie. I’m your boss, after all. I can handle any amount of work someone gives me.”

            “As expected of the magician in our company,” Kirie praised. The look on her face was more of a teasing one, though, despite her compliment. “Unlike you, I’m human, but I have some powers of my own.”

            Takuji closed his eyes and smiled, letting out a child-like laugh. “Ehe. Well, you did go to Souseizouma, after all. But that school was basically a co-built place in order make things peaceful again, joining both Sousei Academy and Zouma Academy into one. I guess it didn’t really work out since your principals didn’t even like each other very much. Plus, it’s been sixty-three years since the grand opening. Anyway,” he looked at the stack of papers on his desk and started writing on each and every one of them with a black ink pen at a very quick pace. “We’ll be going to work at the casino tonight in order to interview the greatest celebrities ever. I guarantee that it’ll be great for our company. Asuka will love it, too.”

            “Hai, hai,” Kirie abided. She knew her boss’s mind and personality like any other friend or employee at Rapunzel, a sister branch of Cinderella’s in Roppongi. It was only a matter of time before he would finish, which was a good thing for everyone since they trusted him and had a deep respect for the colorful magician.

~

            Later that day, around 3:30 p.m., Mirai and Noel were walking towards the hotel they usually hung out at with some of their other friends. They were about to cross the street up ahead. Soon, the light turned green and they made their way through. Once they were in the middle of the street, someone bumped into them. Or rather, someone bumped into Mirai.

            “Oh, I’m sorry!” the young woman who had made her way into the college student’s path apologized. It was Kirie. She bowed politely with her eyes closed before opening them again to look at the two in front of her. “I didn’t see you there earlier. I hope you didn’t get hurt. If so, then I apologize again for any injuries that I may have caused to you.”

            Mirai shook his head with a light smile of his own. “No, it’s fine. You didn’t hurt me or anything, so there’s no need for you to apologize for anything. But thank you for your courtesy.”

            “Is that so?” Kirie smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. Anyway, I’ll be going this way. I have a meeting right now, so… Anyway, it was nice to meet you.” She smiled cheerfully and strolled back to Rapunzel.

            Mirai kept smiling. As he started walking again, a lightning bolt came across his mind as if he realized something. He looked back in a somewhat shocked and stunned state. Noel looked back.

            “What’s wrong, Mirai?” the tall blond asked. He felt a bit of concern for the younger male.

            Mirai kept looking in the direction Kirie had sauntered. “It’s just… I felt like I met her before somewhere a moment ago, but I don’t know when and where I did. It feels too familiar like a strange sense of nostalgia that leaves a tingling feeling in the one’s entire mind and body.” That was exactly how the college student felt when he stared in the same direction.

            Noel put his hand around Mirai’s arm. “Come on. We’re in the way of a car, Mirai.”

            Mirai nodded and walked with Noel to the location they were headed before. “Yeah.”

~

            Around seven o’clock that night, many of the employees from Rapunzel and Cinderella were all gathered inside the hotel run by Satsuki Kitaoji. There were also journalists and editors from other departments as well, who were all wearing business casual clothing to formal clothing. They had all been invited by the owner himself, and were making their way in to the building.

            Takuji and Kirie were also a couple of the guests there. There was another young woman with them with long white hair and blue eyes that seemed to have a shine to them. She was around Takuji’s age, being a few months younger than him, and was a year older than Kirie.

            “I can feel it!” Takuji exclaimed. He wasn’t loud enough to catch the other guests’ attention, though, and had a pretty tolerant sense of “excitement” for the situation. “There’s definitely a large scale of us getting more than half the scoops here.” He went on, bragging about Rapunzel in a calm tone of voice. “Our company’s had the most success and profit in all of Roppongi. In addition to that, we’re also the oldest editorial department to have been built over a hundred sixty years ago, so it doesn’t matter that the others outside our company are here; we’ll be making the most of this night at all costs.”

            Then, a voice was heard behind the mint-haired young man.

            “Oh? I don’t think so.” It was the chief editor of Cinderella making his way with one of his employees to the scene. Next to him was a young woman who was in her early twenties, but a few years older than Takuji, Asuka, and Kirie. The chief editor glanced at his the woman and introduced her to the small group of three. “Anyway, this is my new employee. She joined this morning at Cinderella and her first assignment will be to interview one of the many celebrities in the casino. Still, I see you haven’t changed since you started working at Rapunzel, Tamoto.”

            Takuji bursted into a fit. “Don’t mess with me! My team and I will pummel you out of business! Also, I told you not to call me that, Jinnai!” His expression was comical enough that anyone who saw the mint-haired young man would more than likely compare him to a growling bear.

            And that someone did.

            Oh! the young woman standing next to the chief editor from Cinderella thought. That’s cute. He looks like an angry bear from the woods.

She was blushing at the sight of Rapunzel’s current CEO while the other two women were looking at the mint-haired young man. The white-haired one smiled at the sight of the two men; Kirie, on the other hand, narrowed her eyes in slight irritation. It seemed that Takuji’s venting state was more of an eyesore for her to see than for the other guests who were watching.

            “I’m sorry for the trouble my boss has caused for yours,” the woman working for Cinderella apologized. She bowed, showing her condolences towards the matter.

            “You don’t have to apologize,” Kirie responded casually. She threw her right arm out and frowned to display her disdain. “Takuji’s always like that. He and Atsushi over there are basically the comic relief for this party. It kind of takes me back to when I was in high school and college, though. In fact, I was a lot like Takuji a few years ago.”

            The woman’s eyes widened. “Really? If I may ask, how old are you?”

            “I’m twenty years old,” Kirie replied with a strained smiled. “I graduated college early to get a job at Rapunzel after I met Takuji and Asuka since they basically recruited me. Anyway, I’m Kirie Kuroki. What’s your name?”

            The woman smiled back. “I’m Ayame Irodori. I’m twenty-four years old. You’re really young to have graduated college at that age, Kirie. I’m very amazed by your accomplishment. You must have been top of your class, too.”

            “Not really,” Kirie dismissed. “I just kept working towards a high grade for the career. That’s about all I really did.”

            “Either way, that’s still something others would be proud of,” Ayame praised. “I was a scholarship student during both my high school and college days, but I graduated a few weeks before my last year of college ended. It was tough every now and then, but I’m glad I made it through.”

            “I think that’s more of an achievement than what I’ve done,” Kirie stated. “You’ve gone through more than I have and you’ve managed to pull through all of it.”

            Asuka, the white-haired young woman, smiled pleasantly. “Maybe this is actually a way of hard work paying off since you’ve gotten a wonderful career such as this, Ayame-san. It’s a perfect opportunity to start off an interview with one of the main celebrities gathered here tonight. Do your best!”

            Ayame nodded. “Thank you, um…”

            “By the way, this is Asuka,” Kirie introduced. “She’s Takuji’s fiancée/bride. The party’s actually the wedding celebration for them. Everyone who’s been invited received a single company wedding invitation.”

            Ayame’s eyes widened at the sudden news. “Really?! I didn’t expect this to be a party for a wedding ceremony.”

            Kirie nodded. “Yeah. Guess Atsushi—that idiot with the small shaven goatee—didn’t tell you anything but to come here in a fancy dress and a pair of shoes, huh? He always does that to new female employees.”

            “Maa, maa, Kirie,” Asuka smiled once more. “It’s not nice to say that about others, even if they have facial hair.”

            Kirie’s eyes lowered themselves. “But you just said a rude thing yourself, Asuka.”

            “That shouldn’t matter right now,” Asuka said with a disapproving frown. She turned towards Ayame and introduced herself. “By the way, my name is Asuka Suzushiro, and the man you see with your boss is my soon-to-be husband, Takuji Uramoto.” Not only had she introduced herself; she had introduced Takuji. “Takuji’s going to be interviewing the owner of the casino later on after we get married.”

            Kirie smiled slyly. “Asuka’s going to be interviewing Chihaya.”

            “Chihaya?” Ayame tilted her head to her left. “You mean, Chihaya Koda?”

            Kirie nodded again. “That’s right. You know, since his skills have benefited those in need, Asuka feels a strong connection to what he does. She’s also teacher and kids like her for genuinely wanting to help them whenever they’re stuck on a problem. She and Takuji both work, so it keeps their lives busy most of the time. This is one of the few times they get to spend time together, even though it’s mainly for work. It’s kind of tiring sometimes having to see Asuka double as both a teacher and a journalist/interviewer, really. I have to be on the lookout for her, especially if she overworks herself and collapses from fatigue and exhaustion.”

            “Wow,” Ayame breathed. She placed her closed hand near the side of her chin in thought. “That must be hard, having two jobs and trying to manage your work and love life at the same time. The most horrifying thing I think that could happen while doing that is ending up in a hospital, and trying to recover from everything. I don’t know if I could ever try working two jobs, though. If I were in a relationship, I think it might affect it to the point where it’ll sever completely, and I might never be able to see the guy I’m dating again.”

            Kirie smiled. “At least you’re not an idiot like Asuka is. She’s too much of a hard worker to think about her body’s limits.”

            “Kirie-chan!” Asuka angrily scolded. “I can take care of myself without getting sick. If I did collapse, it would cause trouble for Takuji. I don’t want to worry him and make him miss work just to take care of me.”

            Kirie shook her head in dissatisfaction and looked at Ayame. “See? That’s even more selfish of you to say so.”

            Takuji turned around and agreed, taking hold of both of Asuka’s hands with his own. “That’s right, Asuka! I don’t want you to cut me out of your life like that!” He gazed into his soon-to-be wife’s eyes with a staid and passionate expression. “We’re going to be married tonight, so we have to find time for each other no matter what. Isn’t that what being in a relationship is about? Supporting and taking care of the person you love is important when you’re together with them, isn’t it? Love is not one-sided if you have someone that you’re with, so you can’t let go of the person you love.”

            Asuka’s eyes widened as she gazed right back into Takuji’s periwinkle eyes. “Takuji…” Then, she smiled softly and nodded. “Of course. I want to be with you forever, too. Thank you…”

            Seeing the two of them stare at each other for what felt like centuries, Kirie sighed while shaking her head once more. “What a stupid couple…”

~

            Several minutes later, Kirie, Takuji, Asuka, Ayame, and Atsushi were in the casino. Many of the guests were already set on gambling, while others walked around every now and them to try everything they could find. It was an incredible sight to behold, and it was nice.

            Takuji, however, sighed in exasperation. “Is this really where our wedding will be? I thought everyone would celebrate out on the top of the roof or something. There’s a pool up there, so why not just go to the highest place here?”

            Asuka smiled at the mint-haired young man. “It can’t be helped right now. We’ll just have to be patient until Satsuki-san tells us. He told us there was something important he wanted to say beforehand, remember?”

            “I know,” Takuji answered. His irritation soon showed on his face. “But if he dares to make a fool out of this, I’ll have him know his place in this world.”

            Ayame looked at the couple and frowned. “I feel bad for Takuji. He must have really wanted to have a grander celebration than this.”

            “Yes, but this is just the beginning,” Atsushi noted. He couldn’t help but keep his broad grin on his face as he continued. “He’s usually like that when he doesn’t get his way at big parties like this one. He’s known for being a guy who likes to party. Asuka and Kirie have attended occasions with him, along with the other workers from Rapunzel whenever they were invited to one. Takuji’s always been the one to treat everyone, though. Oh, and let me just tell you this. You’ll need to know it if you ever meet anyone else like him and Asuka.” He looked at the brunette with a serious expression and said, “Take heed of the wealth they have. Magicians are the wealthiest beings to have ever lived in this universe, and are practically paid every day in their world. Unlike the economies of some countries here on Earth, their economy is much more successful. In fact, it flourishes without having any reason. It’s also like getting paid without having to work but they actually have people who work because—“

            “—that’s the way the world runs?” Ayame finished. “I’ve heard many people say things that end with those words before you hired me, Boss. It just keeps getting older and older every time I hear someone say that the world runs that way.”

            The editor-in-chief was a little taken aback. “Err… I guess you already knew about this stuff, huh, Irodori?”

            “Doesn’t everyone know about magicians by now?” the brunette lowered her eyes, somewhat irritated by the well-known facts. She knew by the fact that magicians like Takuji and Asuka rarely had natural physical features and all of their kind had pale white skin that was beautiful on the outside. “We’re in the twenty-first century, Jinnai-san. The least you can do is try to keep up with your employees. I’m not as old as you, and I’m not someone who looks that way, either. So, in all pretenses, I don’t want to be on the same level as you.”

            Atsushi’s mouth dropped when he realized the truth. Indeed, he was nearing the age of what the youngsters called an “old man” since he was nearing his mid-twenties. But hearing something like that was the most critical hit he had ever taken in his life. It was as if an arrow had struck right through his heart, piercing it in the center.

            “…!” He had a pained look on his face as he stared at the floor. “You got me there, in my most important organ… Irodori.”

            Ayame sighed at the pathetic sight of her current employer. “Geez… Get a grip, will you?”

            Meanwhile, Kirie was playing pool with a few of her co-workers from Rapunzel. Everyone who was playing and/or observing the match were enjoying themselves, throwing in laughs and a round of applause every now and then.

            “Go for it, Kirie!” one of the onlookers shouted encouragingly. It was a woman who had been employed around the same time Takuji had started working at Rapunzel.

            Kirie made a shot and the ball she hit with the cue ball went into one of the holes. As the game kept going, there were more cheers than anywhere else in the room. This, of course, attracted the attention of a familiar college student. He turned his gaze towards the Rapunzel employees who were playing and watching the players make their moves. Needless to say, the first person to catch his eye was Kirie herself. He couldn’t take his eyes off her and kept staring at the dark magenta-haired girl as lingering feelings floated all around him.

            Shortly afterwards, Satsuki Kitaoji began his speech.

            “Attention, everyone,” he said. All eyes were now on the casino owner and each and every person excluding Satsuki himself was listening. “As you all may know, today is a very special day, which is why I have opened the Urban Casino and Resort Roppongi today for those who wish to enter and enjoy themselves here. Tonight, in particular, marks a very special night for my friend, Takuji Uramoto, and his bride, Asuka Suzushiro. In order to celebrate their wedding, I have arranged for it to be held on the rooftop of the hotel and casino. Everyone is invited to come as you are all guests here. I apologize for not making this announcement sooner, but we will now be moving to the roof for the wedding ceremony.”

            Takuji’s sour expression brightened and he was back to his jubilant old self in no time. He started jumping, which sounded as if he was making bouncing effects, going “boing” everywhere with his arms held high for everyone to see. Satsuki, in particular, glanced to the right corner of his vision, and smiled amusingly. He was content to see the young CEO of Rapunzel back in high spirits, letting out a lighthearted chuckle. On the inside, he felt as though he was going to burst into a fit of laugher at any moment. Asuka, on the other hand, smiled happily at the sight of her fiancé/groom. It was very uplifting to all of the guests gathered in the casino; Takuji of all people could not contain his happiness and kept jumping for a while before he stopped. Most of the guests had let out a laugh or two at the scene and were enjoying themselves not nearly as much as the mint-haired magician.

            After that, they all made their way up to the roof, which had a large pool, and the wedding began. Takuji and Asuka exchanged rings and a few words right before putting their partner’s designated wedding ring on each other’s left ring fingers. Everyone smiled and clapped once Takuji’s ring was on his, and they all partied for a while before almost all of the interviewers, journalists, and reporters were gone, leaving Kirie, Takuji, Asuka, and Ayame to go to the VIP room, stay in the hotel, or go home.

            “Thanks, Satsuki,” Takuji smiled at older man. He was still bubbling with bliss on the inside as he and Asuka walked together with Satsuki. “Nothing could make a man happier than to finally marry the love of his life. And it’s all thanks to you, my friend.”

            Asuka smiled along with them. “Indeed. It was really fun to have everyone with us. Thank you, Satsuki-san.”

            “It was my pleasure to hold the ceremony here as part of the grand opening,” Satsuki responded courtly. He was glad to see the two of them have a good time. “You two have helped me throughout many difficult situations, so it was the least I could do. Why don’t you come with me to the V.I.P. room? I also invited Kirie earlier and she said she’ll stop by later. Yuzuki and the others will also be there, so we can all hang out leisurely.”

            “That’s a great idea,” Takuji grinned excitedly. “We can’t just let the fun go by. The night’s still here, so we have to enjoy ourselves while we still can!”

            Asuka nodded. “It’ll also be a good time for our interviews, so we’ll have plenty of it left afterwards.”

            “Alright!” Takuji held out both his arms in front of him with closed hands. “We’ll get everything done and have lots of fun talking with each other. It’ll be the best thing we’ll do in Roppongi!”

            Satsuki smiled agreeably. “Of course. I’m looking forward to answering your questions and spending time with you, Takuji. It’s been some time since we last had a chat together with everyone else, so I’m also looking forward to it.”

            Soon, the three of them made their way to the VIP room Satsuki had mentioned not too long ago and kept conversing with one another along the way, enjoying the time they had together.

~

            Kirie slowly opened the door to the V.I.P. room and stepped inside, closing the door behind her.

            “Excuse me,” she said. She took a look around and saw a group of four other men with Satsuki, Takuji, and Asuka, in the room. She glanced up at Satsuki and asked, “Um… Yuzuki’s going to stay with her for a while, so I thought I should let you know since you’re his older brother.”

            Satsuki saw the look on Kirie’s face and smiled. “Thank you. I’m sure that Miss Ayame would at least like to know that he’s been looking after her when she wakes up.”

            “You’ve been a big help yourself,” Chihaya proclaimed, acknowledging Kirie’s assistance. “When she passed out like that, you were the one who told the other guests to prepare a room for her, and let her rest. We don’t normally see someone like you, but I guess extraordinary human women actually exist in this world.”

            “Now, aren’t you a rude one,” Ryoichi Hirose, the famous author, smirked. “True, she’s a rarity amongst almost all of the women in the world, but she’s at least got the guts to help someone out. That’s something that should be commended by others such as yourself, Chihaya. Even I have to give her some credit for it.”

            Noel nodded while still having his nonchalant expression on his face. “Women can be strong to a large extent, but it mostly depends on them. Not many are like her.”

            “I know what you all mean,” Chihaya added, “but you don’t really have to explain any further than what’s already been said. Remember, I was only stating my side of it. It’s not like I really wanted to downgrade her or anything. I was just complimenting her in my own way.”

            Satsuki frowned. “Still, that was very impolite of you to say, Chihaya. She’s a guest here, and being rude to a guest is not something that I approve of.”

            Chihaya let out a small chuckle. “I know. You’re always like this, Satsuki. But that’s one of the good things about you.”

            As the rest of the group continued to engage in a conversation of their own, Mirai could not help but stare at Kirie’s face. He knew he had seen her before, and it put him in a daze. Kirie herself soon noticed the gaze she was receiving from him and glanced at the college student. Then, she smiled in a faint but relaxed way at him.

            Satsuki caught on shortly after and frowned. “Mirai, go on and greet her. It’s not tactful if you just keep looking at one of our guests for the rest of the night without saying anything.”

            “…” Although he heard the financial prince’s words, he could not react to them the way he usually did. In fact, he was still looking at Kirie with longing eyes.

            Satsuki glanced at Mirai once more. Then he turned his head towards Kirie with an apologetic expression. “Please forgive him, Kirie. He’s not usually like this. He’s really a good kid at heart, but…”

            Kirie shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I don’t mind at all, Satsuki.” Then, she glanced at Mirai, still smiling at the younger man. “It’s nice to see you again. My name is Kirie Kuroki. I’m also an editor at Rapunzel, so I also work with Takuji and Asuka over there.”

            At that moment, Mirai’s eyes widened in shock and disbelief. The name he had just heard triggered his first memory with the dark magenta-haired young woman.

            “…!”

            Kirie? The same Kirie I met three years ago? Is it really true? Am I really seeing her again? Those thoughts swirled around in his head as stared at Kirie in realization and remembrance of his first love standing right in front of him.

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @abovethesmokestacks for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about lovely Pia, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

I started back in 2008 when I was 21 years old.

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I do enjoy both, but lately it's been more reader inserts. It's challenge to write a good reader insert, to make them a natural part of the setting, to make them relatable to your audience and find a way to make them click with the other characters. Because they are meant to be a character you should be able to see yourself in, it tests your ability to make the character both approachable to a wide range of readers, yet specific enough to mesh with the story. 

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

Well, I have been called the angst queen on numerous occasions. Apparently I am a sucker for making myself and others hurt. 

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

Oh Jesus, probably one of the Twilight fics I wrote during the dark days of my ff.net run. I got swept up in the hype and with a few exceptions, I have no qualms about tossing those fics into a volcano. 

5) When is your preferred time to write?

When I have both inspiration, motivation and time. Sadly, sometimes that happens at night and let's just say I have sometimes sacrificed sleep in favour of a story. Generally, though, I don't have a preferred time of day.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

From anything and everything. Something I've seen or heard or experienced, videos I've seen, songs I've listened to.

7) In your Sweet Dreams - Assorted Flavors fic, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

The final scenes of Assorted Flavours is close to my heart. Same with the scene in the Easy As Pie-chapter where they discuss Bucky's metal arm.

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

I haven't made major amendments. Someone may have pointed out typos or missing words which I have edited, but nothing storyline-wise. 

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

I am a sucker for a lot of Seb's characters, especially Bucky and Hal. And Chris Beck. They are fun to write and there is so much that can be done and explored with them. 

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

I wanna preface this by saying it's not so much I dislike them as I find them hard to write well. Tony and Thor hard for me to write because I can't seem to connect as easily with them as I can with other characters, and I'd hate to do these guys wrong.

11) How did you come up with the title for the Sweet Dreams - Assorted Flavors?

This is the eternal struggle with me, to come up with a good title. I knew I wanted something that alluded to reader being a baker and one my Spotify playlist shuffled to Emily Browning's rendition of Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This). For the sequel series, I wanted to continue on the same theme, and my friend Loup helped me land on Sweet Dreams - Assorted Flavours. 

12) How did you come up with the idea for Sweet Dreams - Assorted Flavours?

I am not entirely sure anymore, but it may have included a conversation about Bucky Barnes (or Seb, or both) and cupcakes, and evolved into an idea about Bucky finding a nightopen bakery during one of his nightly walks through Brooklyn (because obviously). 

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I have two. One is a Twilight fic that I abandoned and deleted when I left behind my ff.net account for good. It was never going to get finished and I didn't want any WIPs on the account. I didn't delete the account, it's basically there as an archive, but yeah. Deleted that story because I was never going to finish it. The second fic is a Gilmore Girls collab fic I started YEARS ago with a friend from Australia. It was put on hiatus when my friend started writing original fiction. That one I would love to finish, but I don't know how likely that is.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

None that I am really aching to do a sequel for. That being said, with the right inspiration, I could possibly nake a third fic in the little verse I created with Hal in Cling To Me and Cling To You.

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Surprisingly, no. I've been happy with the endings to all of my fics.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Are we talking other fanfic writers or other fiction writers? For fanfic writers, just go into my fic rec tag. All of them are immensely talented in their own way. I will give special props to the writers of Not Easily Conquered because what they did with that series has fucked me up for life and I have the tattoo to prove it. For fiction writers, I do love Rowling for what she created with Harry Potter. I remember reading the books as they were published and just... I was mezmerized! I also love everything Neil Gaiman writes, it's dark and quirky and has that little something that takes hold of you. I can reread Pullman's His Dark Materials over and over just for the amazing world and mythology he created for that series. 

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

I usually don't reread stories I haven't clicked with, so not really.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Both. I have a Bucky playlist on Spotify that I usually crank whenever I am writing a fic that features him. But I can just as well write in silence.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Yes. I cried while writing With Him I Will Stay and Goodbye for example.

20) Which part of your Sweet Dreams fic was the hardest to write?

There wasn't one part that was specifically harder to write than others. I do sometimes get stuck on transitions, how to move from one scene to the next as smoothly as possible. If anything, writing Sweet Dreams has taught me that sometimes it's totally okay to just shift scenes and not make a big deal out of it. Not everything has to be complex.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

Often I have a rough idea of how I want things to play out, focus points that I want to include that function as pit stops for me as I write. The only time I haven't made a clear outline was for Kintsugi. I let the prompt guide me and hopes like hell it made sense.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

That it's a process and you learn. I was so worried about writing perfectly. When I started out in the Gilmore Girls fandom and posting at ff.net, it was really common to have a beta reader. I was new, I had no one to beta read and I kept obsessing over getting things right until I realized that I didn't HAVE to have a beta reader and that yeah, I made mistakes but I could learn from them and from reading other what other people wrote.

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

Maybe Snapshots. Or my T.J fic. I love them both dearly.

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Not to the point where it's an eye roll because I do like the attention my fics get. I was very surprised though by the amount of notes that flooded in for a drabble called Fight Night.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

I haven't really made use of a lot of OC's. Aiden from Make Me Feel Like I'm Real is the only one that qualifies and with him it's all in how he looks. When I came up with him, I had a very vivid image of a man that looked like a mix of Donald Glover and Daveed Diggs. His personality came quite naturally as he started interacting more with T.J.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

There are so many that have made me blush so hard. One that I remember very vividly was when @lostinthoughtsandfeelings-blog commented on Soft Devotion that it made them feel the same kind of empowerment that the Wonder Woman soundtrack evoked!

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I have been very lucky so far in the criticism that I've gotten. Mostly it's just been typos or something similar that's been pointed out. When I started out on ff.net there were a few who commented that they didn't understand where I was going with a certain story. I think for one fic I got a comment about having dragged it out for too long, but that's about it.

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I do share some of them, simply because I get excited about them or because it's an idea that comes from a conversation that ends with "I need to fic this!!"

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

My husband knows, but he doesn't really know what it is (despite my attempts to explain). A few of my old school mates know I write, but otherwise no. I don't really talk about writing fan-fiction with people outside the fandoms I write for.

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written?

I love Steve's parts in Sweet Dreams, and anything that involves Sam.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

If I'm writing a series, the feedback from previous chapters do so much to encourage me. Feedback in general motivates me. I often ask friends to give me feedback on certain scenes or passages while I write and seeing their excitement does a lot to help me push through and finish.

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

AUs and A/B/O for sure.

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I can't remember exactly which one, but it was a Gilmore Girls fic.

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

I'd love to say fluff, but angst just hurts so good, and getting screamed at in caps-lock is kinda fun.

[catherinebakewell]

Bullet Journaling for Writers

Before I begin, I am not one of those amazing Pinteresty people who is able to make everything look perfect and pretty and organized. 

But I am someone who LOVES making lists, and THRIVES on them. 

I post pictures of my bullet journal adventures a lot over on my twitter @/catbakewell, and below I’m sharing some of the methods I use to organize my life and especially my writing progress.

The Journal

I got my first baby bullet journal at a stationary store in France, so I can’t do much in the way of recommending a favorite bullet journal brand. I don’t even think you NEED a super fancy notebook.

Most bullet journals are dotted instead of lined (thus “bullet” journal), but those aren’t necessary, either. They keep the page clear and make it easy to draw shapes and space things out on the page, but you can use some of the organizational techniques below in any old notebook, I think.

My bullet journal has the following features that I love: numbered pages,  a blank index for you to fill out, bullets instead of lines, a hard cover, a portable size, and two bookmark ribbons. This journal on Amazon seems to have similar features: https://www.amazon.com/Red-Impressions-Collection-Hardcover-Notebook/dp/B01MTBBYXG/ref=sr_1_38?ie=UTF8&qid=1541106368&sr=8-38&keywords=dot+grid+notebook+numbered+pages 

The Tools

All the tools I use for my BuJo are things I found around the house! 

--Highlighters : I recommend getting them in rainbow colors. Your BuJo will instantly feel more organized with all the colors (I like the mix of pink, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple)

--Washi tape: I got that poppy-patterened Washi Tape at an office supply store for 99 cents. Not necessary for bullet journaling, but it can be good for marking a page or for sticking something into your BuJo.

--Protractor: I suck at straight lines. I use a protractor because it helps when I want to make arcs or circles, too, but if I’m ever in need of a straight line, I sometimes grab a random piece of card as a straightedge.

--Fineliner: I like to use some sort of thin sharpie or marker for thicker lines. This Sharpie doesn’t bleed through the pages, either.

--Pen: The pen above includes green, red, blue, and black pens, which is great for color-coding things.

Daily Planning

Bullet Journals are great because you can put your schedule on paper any way you want. I like fairly large spaces to plan out my day. For my writing schedule, I mark a little check box for my chapter goals. If I write the chapter, I make a checkmark. If not, I put a > symbol to the left of the box, indicating that I’ve moved the due date later. So far, I’ve made all my own deadlines!

Each day is marked on the left and right with bright colors. I write in tasks and appointments along the way and cross them off when they’re done. I also cross out the days after they’re done.

Monthly Planning

Here, you can see a zoomed-out version of my calendar and my chapter goals. I can check off the chapter goals when I’ve met them. I’ve also written them in pencil here (where I first planned out my goals) just in case.

Each week is listed Saturday-Friday because that’s how they’re laid out in my weekly pages in my Bullet Journal.

Habit Tracking

Here, I mark a square every day I have practiced Spanish (left column), French (middle column), and Italian (right column). Use this to track the days you’ve written for 30 minutes, written 500 words, worked out, or spent some time reading! It’s a very satisfying feeling getting to color in the squares when I’ve accomplished something.

Word Count Charts

I love word count charts in bullet journals because YOU decide what your goal is! Bar graphs are fun because you get to color in the bars, bigger and bigger, if you’ve written more! You can see my rainbow colors coming out to play here. 

At the top, I mark the increments of words in the 100s. A hatched pencil mark indicates my goal per day: 500 words. Looks like I didn’t make that mark on June 4, but on June 5, my word count goes off the chart! At the bottom, I counted up all the words I’d written for the week.

Chapter Revision Chart

This chart is pretty easy to figure out! Once I’ve finished rewriting or revising a chapter, I add a square, color it in, and write the chapter number on top. I’ve also edged the page (poorly) in Washi Tape so it’s easier for me to flip through. It’s nothing much, but it makes me happy to flip here and see how far I’ve come!

Charting Editing Goals

Above are two patterns that convey the same idea. First, I have a sort of banner/marquee theme for my first few chapters, and then on the second page, realizing I wanted to fit more on the page, I settled with little rectangles. You can also see that I sketched out and measured the boxes before I went in with my fineliner, just in case.

The process: I made a box or flag for each chapter. Within that flag, I made a checkbox for each task I needed to do for that chapter. I needed to delete filter words for each chapter, re-read and edit the chapter, and address the comments my friends had left in the margins for me. After I checked each task in the chapter, I colored in the chapter. When I finished editing all the chapters, BOOM, I had a beautiful rainbow of accomplishment!

If you have any tips or any cool templates from your Bullet Journal, or if you want to share how you’ve edited or prepared for NaNo with some of the methods above, come share with me over at catbakewell on Twitter!

<3

Cat