#someone force me to wake up
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been home.
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I just need to be told "You Can Do It" right now.
#I've gotten about 3 hours of sleep within the last 48 hours and I'm still behind in my classes#I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up at this point#Just grinding constantly for hours every waking moment of my life#I'm stuck wondering the same things#'When will it slow down?'... 'Will it actually ever slow down?'#If it doesn't i don't think i can keep up#Full time in college and full time in work#However#every time i try to speak my troubles or stress to someone they just chuckle#and ignore me saying ''well college is like that. welcome to the adult world''#Why does college have to be like this? why is everyone so fine with this?#I'm very unmotivated right now#My grades are all low despite the numerous 100%s I've been getting#And they're not going back up no matter how many A+ s I get on assignments#I don't like talking to people - it scares me terribly#So i don't like it when I'm constantly forced to talk to over 10 people every time i go to school (talk to your professor they say#I like to think of my job at my second home#at least that's not too hard and i love the people#But I just need things to get less intense school-wise#Just for me to get a decent amount of sleep please#Just a little bit#Please#i don't know#I'm not going on hiatus no worries#I love my blog dearly and cannot abandon it for my mental health#I just need encouragement#Because I'm so tired#Sorry for the rant I hate to vent#I'll delete this later if i remember#💬
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WATER SEVEN BABYYYYY
Look at robin reacting when luffy says he wont give her up.... 🥺🥺
This is a joke right now but its actually a one piece tenet aldjsisjka
Usopp aksbaksjakqk the foreshadow is foreshadowing... Also Robin being happy with the crew after the Aokiji incident... Fuck!!!!
Sanji thinking robin just vanished or flew away and suddenly usopp is soaring thru the skies... imagine
AAAAARGGGGHHHH YOU CAN SEE THE GEARS TURNING
Zoro talking to merry..... only while he is alone of course
Why are nami and sanji matching ajdhakjsk look at the citrus sisters
Carpenter: maybe it was the government
Gov agent: I don't think so, also don't say that they are everywhere
LUFFY SUPPORTS WOMEN'S WRONGS!!!
Don't scream att chopper like that!!! Look at him... So small....
Imu tease???? (No) (Also I've changed websites again bc the translation is kinda off , I can't find a good quality b&w spanish translation and the colors scare me (i want the real manga experience))
GET HIM ICEBURG!!!!
I truly forgor if this is just a lie about her wanting to find the rio poneglyphs or genuine because she wants to die and will do it for them... because in skypiea she says she is not interested in the weapons so maybe if the gov pardons her but considering what she wants is illegal then idk abdjabjs this is such a dumb thing to forget... like thats important girl where did it go (reading this after remembering and it's kinda funny... i will make any sacrifice to kill myself (and keep you safe)... she goes HARD)
Little paulie and mozu and kiwi.... omg hello (the SBS says the twins wanted to be shipwrights too omg)
Franky's backstory is small but it does so much for me like it is so central to the themes... boats and people...
DID SOMEBODY ORDER MORE TRAGIC BROTHERS?
The fact that franky needs to learn this lesson to pass it on to robin.... do you understand how big this is.... also Tom does exactly as he says and takes responsibility for franky and what he has done... because he has done nothing wrong AND THAT'S HIS SON and he just punched spandam bc he wanta him to feel the pain franky feels... Tom is such a man..... proud of having built eater 7 up with the sea train.... goes out with a boom.... should we all kill ourselves....
I am crying again................... franky my god.... and the fucking frog!!! And of course franky can't stop Tom's hope for his island... of course he can't.... he hasnt learnt the lesson yet but this guy isn't over yet!! He has a life of being a pervert cyborg ahead!!! Iceburg following Tom's footsteps but franky not being able to do that bc of his guilt....
This is one of the coolest things chopper has done btw...
NAMII 😭😭😭
Robin damning the world for her crew when all she has ever done is damn her companions for her own sake.... how big is this...
I can't take this...... it's always nami in these positions... it happens AGAIN in Zou with Sanji... there is no way
The love letter gag is too good like damn that's so funny
AND IT'S NAMI GOING THROUGH IT AGAIN!!!! SHE LOVES ROBIN SO MUCH!!!!
#OOOH GRANDPA TEASE!!! he wanted to see luffy too?? omg and he owes garp a favor so he is going to kill him... alright then....#robin attacking FIRST and ZORO coming to her defense!!! CHEFS KISS!!! INCREDIBLE#my GOD!!! ROBIN WANTING TO LEAVE HER PAST BEHIND BC SHE TRULY HAS BEEN CHANGED BY THEM AAAAHHHH#this is so good... aokiji had to end crocodile and he still has a debt to someone (garp?) AND smoker told him stuff about luffy too#kokoro is such an mvp... be careful with the government agents she says.... hell yeah they should do that#the people in water 7 just giving advice to the pirates akdhaksjak sure go fix your boat but down there#robin laughing like ufufufu is so cute... also kalifa knowing everything bc she is literally a gov agent 💀 ICEBURG WAKE UP!!!#lucci pulling out the ship of theseus response akdhakaj conundrum solved everyone!!!#usopp is so heartbreaking already... beaten he goes to franky to get his money back knowing he will lose bc he wants to fix the merry... go#zoro cutting steel like its nothing... yeahhhhh also does luffy think the ship and usopp are like sanji and the baratie??#he wants to sacrifice himself for it but doesn't realize his life is the treasure and not the thing... luffy realizing this is not worth it#the fight was insane.... usopp feels useless and is enmeshed with the merry so he won't let it go and tells luffy does not care when he doe#so luffy gets mad at usopp for lying and not understanding what is going on and says he is not a carpenter (true but hurts) so he is nothin#god it is so bad... sanji breaking p the fight is so important AFTER zoro says to calm down and talk but they rile each other up...#THE DIALOGUE IS INSANE!!!! USOPP IN DENIAL AND LUFFY TAKES ALL OF HIS BAIT IT'S JUST SO AJDBAKSNSKN AND THE ONLY LIES ARE WHAT USOPP THINKS#ABOUT LUFFY!!!! BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND!! HE JUST FEELS!! HE SAW MERRY!! THE ONLY ONE!!!#luffy just laying on the hammock for hours... telling nami usopp wouldnt give up his life for an argument... then he only needs to fight...#is luffy fighting usopp just so he can de stress kind of??? like he is letting him get his punches in and then he will come back#once he thinks things through... like nami did... and what sanji ends up doing too... like just give him what he wants#luffy likes fighting friends even and this is the only fight he doesn't want.... the merry crying GOD!!!!#the impact dial... it hurts them both.... jesus.... luffy got two hits in but those were enough.... they are making nami cry SANJI KILL THE#everyone is crying but sanji and zoro akdjsks yeah luffy got him what he wanted... he can keep the ship but he can't beat him#and after all if strength is made by conviction luffy knows he is right and usopp is just in denial... so of course he would lose#franky reveal and Robin assassin reveal at the same time.... just remembered when usopp asked her specialty and robin said assassinations 😭#luffy nami adventures hell yeah.... and theres even more after the aqua laguna... LETSGOOOOO#goddamn you can see the thread of kuzan finding robin with the strawhats to then cp9 forcing her to act in water seven....#franky acting weird because he is worried about iceburg... i know it...#iceburg: its weird youre working for the government... but thats for the audience to worry about. not for me#pluton was built on water seven ✍️✍️✍️ also iceburg saying weapons are bad no matter who holds them... yeah franky would agree#reading one piece
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#i talk#Nearly posted this to RA but you know what. Might've been a better option tbh#Horrid rancid takes from rancid people being forced into my line of view on Twitter#ads literally every other post and sometimes three in a row#Tumblr now having pop up ads on mobile that stay at the top of your screen#God grant me patience because if you grant me strength I'll kill someone#going to dismantle capitalism brick by brick and then beat all those CEOs with said bricks repeatedly#U know it's gonna be a rough one when I wake up mad take a walk do a bunch of stuff then am still mad
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The diffriders are so fucking fascinating to me specifically flare trooper dumjid bc like. You take a dragon mercenary who has seen war and has actively watched many comrades die. His whole thing is that he’s a perfect guard and thus the only one who survived, leading to a fucked up conception of himself as above death. And then you have him possess the body of some kid who presumably agrees to let him see earth bc That’s His Favorite Card And He Thinks He’s Cool and who’s probably like 12 (sorry saori I have no clue how old you are I’m just guessing based off taiyou + hiroki) and just. Walk around on earth (where are saori’s parents btw. Like you could say this about most vanguard characters but where are saori’s parents/guardians/friends do they know what “saori” is up to?? Does anyone who knew him pre-diffride realize how different he’s been acting?). Play a card game where he commands his dead comrades bc shiranui is paying him (which. How is he paying him, earth currency or cray currency? And what IS cray currency for that matter?). The only thing he likes about earth is the music but he is specifically cursed to keep having his headphones break. When a unit who’s diffriding a human dies in the human’s body, both the unit and the human die on both planets, and besides the money dumjid is only on shiranui’s team bc antero/miguel DIED, a fact which he’s fully aware of and iirc derides him for (may be wrong abt that one though). He constantly tells people to die when he’s cardfighting them. He is laid-back about vanguard and doesn’t care much until he loses a cardfight and because loss and death are inextricably linked in his mind he proceeds to get Super Fucked Up About It bc he’s built his entire self image off being The One Who Survives and losing the cardfight is akin to confirming that it’s possible for him to die & he especially can’t accept that Some Random Humans have the ability to take him out. Sometimes he shows his opponents the battlefield and the bodies of his comrades and they really don’t seem to devote much thought to it (like. What??? I get that chrono & friends love vanguard and chrono does address it a little bit but mostly iirc just to say “I don’t think that’s what vanguard actually does/that’s not OUR vanguard”). He’s affected worse and worse with each loss and joins a group trying to end the world to get revenge on the humans who’ve beaten him (iirc unclear whether he knows the success of the destruction of the earth will destroy him too). He becomes the last of the original diffriders - chaos breaker dragon doesn’t count he was diffridden during U20 - to remain on earth, a point which he makes sure to bring up as proof of his superior survival abilities. The kid whose body he’s possessing expresses that he’s not happy about the way dumjid’s acting and dumjid doesn’t give a shit and continues to puppet his body around. Just, everything about him as a character is so fascinating in a concerning way and, like shiranui, he brings up the fact that vanguard is Real in a way that the earth characters don’t really consider - yes they have strong imaginations and genuine attachment to their units, but ultimately they’re playing a card game where even if cards get sent to the drop/damage zones they can come back for the next battle* whereas on cray they’re fighting Actual Battles and the units that die die For Real And Permanently. Unlike shiranui, who eventually began to see vanguard as a method of reunion with his dead friends and decided that what he’d been told about earth vanguard being a direct cause for his friends’ deaths might be wrong, Dumjid never changes his view on earth vanguard after “experiencing death”, so when he finally loses and goes back to cray he’s essentially dragged back clawing and screaming. I don’t know, there’s just something about him that’s sooooo soooo fascinating to me
#*not counting g zones in battles with zeroth dragons except that chrono’s g zone DID come back#though that was probably only possible due to his Singularity so that’s a special case ig#also saori is kinda fascinating too in that he’s just some normal kid who agrees to let dumjid puppeteer his body bc he looks up to him#and then dumjid brings all his baggage and Completwlg Fucking Spirals and saori’s like I Want To Get Off This Ride Now but he Can’t#and while he once let dumjid control him now dumjids controlling him by force#and saori Doesn’t Like What He’s Doing but he Can’t Control His Own Body and he’s moving and speaking but it Isn’t Him#and even after dumjid is sent back from cray he falls in a coma#and I’m pretty sure he was in the coma for the longest time out of the people that were diffriden#which makes sense considering how much longer dumjid was controlling him for#but imagine waking up and you’re finally you again#but you have to deal with the fact that someone who you thought was cool used your body to try to start the apocalypse#and it affected your physical health too + you probably remember feeling all the things that dumjid felt#like. what. and I think we only saw him non-diffridden that one time in the last episode on his team with taiyou and hiroki#which was very cute and all and I’m glad he at least got friends out of it but Good God#anyways all the diffriders are just Fascinating to me and I could probably talk like this abt all of them#but I probably think about dumjid the most bc of *gestures* All That#sorry I have Gotta Yap Disease but I think I’m done now probably.#cfvg#fuchidaka saori#kind of#flare trooper dumjid#guess we’re tagging units now
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the pain of wanting to draw ososan but you have to go to work
SAVE ME ART SAVE ME SAVE MEEE
#smore rambles#i know i've been saying this a bit BUT GOD I JUST WANT TO DRAW and then I to tired and drain to draw after work and I wanna explode#I'm going to wake up early next day SO I CAN DRAW I NEED TOO#oughhh#why can't i just be cringe AS A TREAT LET ME BE CRINGEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i got so many wips to work on but little power to draw#i need someone to watch me draw and force me to draw lol#sorry for lil rant back to whimsy insane time back to the news
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fake social media posts for me and @guarnerepdf ‘s upcoming fic Les Partisans
#this bitch be sleeping !!!!! someone wake her ass up time differnwce killing me TRULY#see if i post the fake social media memes then i HAVE to finish writing it. thats the trick to forcing urself to finish a fic#ayanelech tag#fanfiction posting#band of brothers#u know wjat ill tag the pacific as well eugene has a one second cameo in this shit post#the pacific fanfiction
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An interesting and very wtf story synopsis/ad lol. A lot going on here...
#so is the uncle the one in the vegetative state? lol did someone else give consent for him?#choosing to believe he wakes up from a coma in the middle of fucking her#why are you surprised about getting pregnant? surely that's the purpose of this forced marriage#the web address is what's killing me here lol#oh tumblr#tumblr ads
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.
#i'd stayed alone for a few days before. for a week. for weeks#but this week was something for some reason#a fight against depression or whatever shit is in my head and i lost it#it was so shitty i can't even describe HOW. all i know that i was supposed to rest and i didn't rest#ED STUFF DON'T READ IF IT TRIGGERS ETC ETC more food was thrown out in these 8 days than i ate#wake up feel awful feel hunger drag yourself out of the bed to the kitchen#realise you in no condition for cooking#or for making a simple sandwich or something#look at food and think “aye i don't like that :(( i don't want that :(( i feel like dying but i can't force myself to eat :((ok back to bed”#LITERALLY hunger HURTS and i CAN'T eat just fucking CAN'T#you feel like you'll collapse on the floor any minute soon and.... yeah you guessed right#it's not like any typical ed i know and not what i could find when digging information abt it#'cus i also sometimes INTO food and even consider it tasty and even WANT it.......#and i tend to cope with stress with sweets sometimes#like WHAT THE FUCK it frustrates me so fucking bad#idk what to do#except for going to therapy. but i can't afford therapy rn#nor i can tell my mother#just need someone who'll repeatedly poke me with reminders to EAT. several times at a time#ED SECTION ENDED!!!#i wanted to say something ant anxiety but forgot what. for good i guess#need positivity. just a bit of it. today i've done half of the stuff i was supposed to do a week ago and i'm up to finishing it when#i'll get home#and everything else is probably ok.#fictional blorbos halping me survive day 948#dame can't shut up#vent post
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wanting to brain myself vs. knowing im being dumb
#it's too loud outside but there's literally nowhere else i can go lol im already in my room#what am i meant to do hide in the bath???#im actually meant to be out there with everyone but unfortunately - as we all know by now - my brain doesn't fucking work right#so i'm too depressed to do the One Thing i was looking forward today and now im just sitting here forced to listen to it#which isnt anyones fault but it IS making me want to kill myself lol#im also like. mad bc if they wake up my nephew im the one who has to go in there and put him back to bed#i need someone to come beat the shit out of me might rewire my brain#captain speaks
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As someone with arachnophobia my soul would’ve left my body. Spiders always seem to dart closer bc of their shitty vision
it seemed so confused as to what both I and it were doing in there and I could really ask it the same question
#i set an alarm for 15 minutes before my aunt gets up for work because often my dads up around that time-#and even if hes not my mom also has to get up at the same time as my aunt#but yeah because shes arachnophobic i want to be able to tell someone who could take care of it before she does her morning bathroom stuff#(its too big for me too easily capture + take outside and id feel bad killing it so nothing i can do until somebody else wakes up)#ask#anonymous#i dont think it wouldve bothered me had i seen it in a bigger room but the bathrooms pretty small#and i was worried id get bitten by accidentally scaring it bc of the forced proximity#unfortunately not being actually scared of spiders doesn't stop me from getting post-spider sighting hallucinations and paranoia#but that happens when any bug even the not scary ones get close to me
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like not to sound like some edgy piece of shit but that is also why horror is like such a breath of fresh air to me lmao like in almost all the horror media i've seen
#like horror media is the most accurate representation of real life for me cause . life is suffering!!! life is pain!!!#everything fucking hurts !!!!#like i really liked that there were multiple suicidal characters in made in abyss#or at least a common theme was that death is sometimes the one and only way to relieve your suffering#bc thats true! the best day of my life will be the day i die bc i will not be in pain anymore !!! <3 SO TRUE MIA !!!#even the characters that werent horribly deformed like mitty and irumyuui. vueko wanted to kill herself bc of trauma#and saw my beloved i LOVE SAW !!!!! and i FIRMLY BELIEVE that saw is just like real life <3#bc a lot of the victims arguably did not deserve to die. they did not deserve to be “tested”#a lot of good people suffer irl and a lot of bad people get away with what they've done#and sometimes you wake up in a situation that is not your fault but theres nothing you can do to get out of it#sometimes you are forced to endure something that will maim or kill you#and if ONE PERSON decided it was not worth it to hurt you you could have been spared.#and sometimes you panic bc the easier option may be letting yourself die but you wish it wasnt#you wish there was a key or that someone would come and free you painlessly but there isnt a third option#sometimes its immense pain and then death or just death. and you can only pick between those two#sometimes all the fucking tables are turned against you and you can do nothing to fight back! ultimately you just have to take it#and nobody is coming to save you either. someone picked YOU to be the one to suffer and die and now you just have to endure it
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had a dream where i was only nominally in charge of the narrative. it was my dream but some characters would punish me for it. as the dream went on more and more people i knew in real life, people i didn’t “create” left the story as other characters bled into it. it was still a dream so it’s not like i had any real control to begin with. woah .the consequences.
#why did Burn lash out at me so extremely by the end#I guess you can’t make someone a punky and volatile person without them wanting to rebel#the dreamer#the only real authority in the dream#but I also didn’t really make him anything#it was a dream#I just woke up so I want to remember this in some way#I haven’t been smoking weed on this trip#the first time in maybe a decade I’ve had such a break and my dreams are back in full force#I’ve woken my gf up kind of yelling in my sleep at the start#it’s been a strange part of this trip#like oh boy that was some fun sightseeing#now for the secret battle of the subconscious I’ve been waging at night#at least I got to see my loved ones dance#only in a dream though#that classic hollow feeling after waking from a dram where something you really want to happen happened#even if you paid for it in the end#I’m so tired#personal#sure
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Me last night at 3am: I'm gonna wake up early tomorrow. Or at least earlier. I'm gonna get this sleep schedule somewhat under control!
Me at 10am: *Wakes up. Snoozes my alarm for 2 hours*
Me at 12pm: Well. Getting out of bed at 12 is better than 2 like yesterday.
Me from 5pm to about 7pm: *takes a nap in an armchair*
Me right now at 4am: God why am I not sleepy yet?
#once again. i know this is my fault. but still.#i'm going to bed now. i'm going to TRY to wake up at 10am. and like GET UP. out of bed.#i've said that many times this last week or so while lying awake while the sun comes up#that i'd get up after an hourish if i still hadn't slept and just dealt with the tiredness.#but every time i post that. i inevitably finally fall asleep. like the act of saying it makes me do the opposite.#but today. TODAY. i will get up by 10am. even if i barely sleep.#and i will force myself up and out of bed and even out of the house#i'll get some breakfast from a deli. maybe pick up a prescription that's waiting for me if it's not too hot to walk to the pharmacy.#and i will be up and awake#...but still watch me sleep till noon or later... i don't WANT to... but my body just does it#this is what happens when i don't have a regular work schedule. please someone hire me if only to help my sleep schedule.
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hate waking up scared for no apparent reason. girl what do u mean im scared of going to my old lady yarn group !!!!!
#i have to force myself to go because otherwise i will be very mentally unwell in like three days bc i didnt socialize w non-family fdsjkl#this group of elders is the thin thread keeping my sanity intact i swear to god fhdsgjkl i would be so much more unstable without them#im not stable by any means but like... u know HFDSJKL#i am assuming i had some trauma nightmares last night that Kam's tucked away out of reach bc thats usually whats happened-#-when i wake up feeling this way. BLEGHGHHH#i have like... this terrible feeling the past few days that smth is about to break and crash down on me#but i cannot let it stop me from going to the group fsdkl i need to interact w someone who is not [redacted]#(redacted because i cant think of a light-hearted way to label Le Abuser rn so HEEHOO honks my clown nose and scuttles away)#giving a thumbs up with a big strained smile and pretending everything is okay and fine and i am sooooo normal and not feeling [redacted]#ITS OKAY ITS FINE i am just going to keep my head down and keep trudging forwards. gotta pretend the emotions do not exist dsjkfl#i've got art to make and blorbos to think about and sunlight to appreciate and elders to socialize with and stories to share !!!#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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Unpopular opinion: the heavy push toward anti-advertising on Tumblr does nothing to harm the advertisers you hate but is doing a huge amount of damage to small businesses who rely on reblogs to get the word out about their stuff.
#unforth rambles#i have so many rants stored up about the infuriating nature of anti advertising#and how it boils down to i dont want to know about new things unless my friends tell me organically#well how do you think your friend found out#somewhere along the line someone needs the ad shoved in their face or else the thing is completely invisible#i could really write 5k words on how frustrating it is#and how huge corporations and prime adding ads and youtube ads none of that is affected by your i wont reblog ads activism#who is affected are the small time creators who started on tumblr and rely on tumblr and are making things tumblr has said they want#like queer books and xxxxl skirts and indie games and and and#youre so bad at capitalism but youre only hurting your own#its exhausting tbh#anyway maybe yall should rethink your syances on advertising#tho the only people who will see this are people who already know and support me and others like me#so im preaching to the choir#im sorry yall youre doing enough and i love you#i dont know how to force the people who ACTUALLY need a wake up call on this to see this post#i can remember a time when if a business started from tumblr with actual fandom people everyone was excited and it spread like fire#now the minute we try to sell things made by tumblr based creators were categorized as just as evil as megacorps#and honestly wtf why
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