#someone can write some killer angst with these feels. someone. not me tho. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tired-teacher-blog · 2 years ago

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Hiya, teach!! It's been a while since I've made a request, and I didn't see anything about your requests being closed?? Feel free to ignore it if they are, tho :D

So, I have an idea based off of situations I've found myself in. Which is to say, I'm just over 5 feet tall (5'3 - 5'4), but I'm also super strong! So, I was wondering if I could request a gender-neutral reader picking up Bakugo, Dabi, Shigaraki, Ochako, and Toga and their reactions to getting picked up and carried around? You don't have to write all of them if you don't want, but they're some of my favorite characters :D

Ok, hope you have a good day/night, and take your time if you decide to write this ♡♡♡

You know? This was such an adorable request and I truly enjoyed it so thank you so much for requesting babe ❤️ and I hope you have a great weekend.

Title : I'll carry you to heaven

Characters : Bakugo/ Dabi/ Toga/ Ochaco/ Shigaraki/ Gender neutral reader

Genre : Fluff/ angst/ suggestive

Trigger warning : Mentions of bodily injuries

Please do not read if you're a minor

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

Bakugo :

_ "Katsuki, are you not done yet?" you leaned against the door frame, crossing your arms over your chest as an irritated expression plastered itself across your face, "I'm getting really bored without you."

_ "Then maybe you should join me." his smug smirk and suggestive wink were the last thing you needed at that moment.

The tapping of your foot quickened as you watched him get back to his sit ups, only to come to a swift halt as a devilish idea popped up in your head.

_ "I don't need the extra workout and you know it," you approached him slowly, arms still resting across your chest until you were towering over his big sweaty muscled form, "I can easily kick your ass sweetheart." and that was your turn to offer him a teasing wink.

It wasn't strange that his only response was a sarcastic roll of his eyes since he knows first hand how powerful you can be.

In fact, your strength is one of the sexiest things he's seen in his life– something he never fails to remind you of, and in a few seconds, he was able to witness that side of you again but with a dash of playfulness, as you squatted down hooking one arm under his knees as the other supported his back, before standing back up with him in your hold and waltzing out of the room.

_ "The fuck! Put me down y/n this isn't funny!" his screaming protests invaded your poor ears, but it was worth it.

_ "I beg to differ, how does it feel like to be carried around by someone smaller than you are?" your teasing continued until you reached your full length bedroom mirror, "you always rave about my strength so why don't you feast your eyes on what I'm capable of doing?"

He did, silently checking out your reflection with a mixture of embarrassment and obvious admiration that he couldn't– for the life of him, hide from you.

_ "Alright you win," his lips moved closer to trace your ear, "let's go to bed and I'll show you how impressed I am gorgeous."

His words weakened your resolve, and you almost, almost lost your composure straight away.

Toga :

Vampire..

Demon..

Killer..

_ "This is getting boring to be honest, don't you think?" Himiko leaned her head against your shoulder as she observed the new scribbles on the walls, "I was hoping for something new, but they keep writing down the same things each time." her smile was fake– though it might've been convincing to a regular onlooker, but that is not who you are.

You are the one who knows her better than anyone else in the world, "I know right? Fucking idiots." you glared at the poorly written insults which were obviously done hurriedly.. like usual, "let's go back sweetie, you don't have to keep coming here." but you knew it was useless to suggest that, since for some reason she kept coming back to her abandoned family home in order to erase the vicious jottings people liked to leave on the walls.

_ "Let me just clean this up first." she giggled as she started with the task that kept bringing her home every couple of days.

But you were sick of it all.

Sick of the way people never missed a chance to punish her for something she was born carrying, something she had always struggled with and failed to control.

_ "No, this has to stop today." you muttered through clenched teeth before picking her up without a warning, and walking out of that suffocating place.

_ "Y/n, what.. wait.. how," and for once she was at a loss for words.

Was it because– for once, you stood firm against her wishes? Or was it since you did so by carrying her in your arms when you had never done that before?

_ "We're leaving sweetie and that's final, so don't protest."

And she didn't, instead she held on to you tightly, nodding her head as a sincere smile adorned her features.

It was unusual witnessing her quieter side, was she perhaps shy?

_ "You're awfully quiet love, are you feeling alright?" it wasn't an attempt to tease her, you were genuinely worried.

_ "I'm fine just, don't put me down." your heart swelled witnessing this new discovered side of her.

_ "I would never."

Dabi :

_ "Careful!" Touya yelled before pushing you roughly out of danger's way.

You stumbled and fell, crashing onto the hard ground, but that was unimportant.

What mattered the most was your man's condition after receiving the blow in your stead.

_ "Touya! What did you do?" you wobbled back to him, tears already threatening to fall.

It all happened in the blink of an eye, that one wouldn't believe your crew had the upper hand over the heroes just moments ago.

_ "Fuck! Where did that come from? They're using weapons now?" he growled as he struggled to get back up, but his leg was badly injured for him to move anywhere.

_ "Let me see! How bad is it?" you were no longer able to hold back your sobs, "Why did you do this?"

_ "I wasn't gonna let you die idiot, now get out of here before one of them arrives." he was in pain, yet his smirk hadn't left his face since he was trying to reassure you in his own way.

_ "No way, I'm not leaving you behind! Our friends are covering for us so don't worry about a thing," you inspected his injury before tearing up a piece of your shirt to wrap around his thigh, "this should help with the bleeding for now, but we have to get you out quickly."

_ "I can't move y/n," he shook his head and watched as the ferocious fight got nearer, "please listen to me for once and get out of here."

_ "No way, I'm capable enough to carry you in my arms." you mumbled confidently and slipped your arms carefully around his body before standing up with ease and hurrying out of the battlefield.

He was too shocked to say a word, and for a moment, forgot about his busted leg, yet his eyes had never left your determined features.

_ " You're full of surprises y/n," he was clearly impressed, "I wasn't wrong about you, you're one of a kind."

Your expressions softened as you listened to his praises, the one who loves you the most, your biggest supporter.

Ochaco :

You yawned, stretching your arms over your head as you watched the end credits roll up the screen.

_ "Come on gorgeous, it's time for bed," your eyes moved down to your chest where your girlfriend had chosen to settle, "Ochaco, are you asleep already?" your voice dropped to a whisper as your lips rested against her soft hair.

Her only response was a quiet whimper and a tighter hold on your shirt. Cute.

You contemplated staying that way on the couch, cooped up with your girl until morning, if not for the idea of you both waking up with sore muscles in a few hours.

_ "Hey babe, can you hear me?" you tried again, but her soft snores and warm breath fanning over your neck were enough proof that she was indeed sound asleep.

You moved carefully, sneaking your arms around her unconscious form before sitting up and bringing her with you.

She was still comfortably slumbering and you couldn't help the chuckle escaping your throat as you lovingly observed the steady rise and fall of her chest.

Getting off the couch while carrying her in your arms was no big deal, even despite not being much bigger than she is. Though apparently moving around too much had pulled her back from dreamland.

_ "Y/n, what's going on?" her beautiful big eyes blinked in clear confusion and you couldn't resist kissing her cute pouty lips.

_ "I'm carrying you to bed gorgeous."

_ "It's a dream, 'must be a dream." she nuzzled your neck while mumbling against your skin, and you would have thought she was joking if she hadn't fell back to sleep afterwards.

Granted, that was a first for you– picking her up and carrying her in your arms, but her reaction was teasing, even if she wasn't fully conscious of it.

_ "Well then sweetheart, maybe I should start doing this more often until you believe it." you smirked as you finally walked into your bedroom.

Shigaraki :

You pulled on his hair and whined longingly as his lips left yours and moved to devour the warm skin of your neck.

Ever since he possessed full control over his quirk, you became unable to keep your hands off one another. It was as if you wished to compensate for all the time you couldn't freely feel each other's touch.

_ "Tenko, take off your shirt now, I want to feel more of you, please." it was an unending craving you had for one another.

_ "Me too beautiful, this isn't enough." he sat up, removing his shirt and leaning in immediately to recapture your lips.

Your moans were swallowed by his eager mouth and his rough skin against yours felt like heaven.

_ "I love you, Tomura, I love you so much." no matter how many times you've said it, it was never enough.

_ "Me too sweetheart, I love you the most, I fucking love everything about you, especially how your strength can easily match mine." he muttered between a trail of fervent kisses on your neck, chest, and tummy. Only to stop and lift his head up when your chuckles vibrated against his lips.

_ "I'm happy to know that's how you feel," your fingers ran through his messy hair, "most of my previous partners were intimidated by that, especially considering my short stature."

_ "Don't mention any of those bastards again," he was obviously irritated, "keep your eyes on me, only on me." he looked like a little puppy burying his face deep in your chest.

_ "I'm sorry Tomura, I will never do that again," you didn't mean to upset him, so you tried to find a quick way to cheer him up.

And suddenly, your smile returned as you sat up, sneaking your palms to support his butt cheeks before getting out of the bed.

He wrapped his legs around your waist to avoid falling, and the high pitched scream he let out pierced your ears.

_ "What the hell are you doing?! Put me down right now!"

_ "I'm not gonna, I'll carry you around until you forgive me." and you meant it.

_ "Alright I get it! I'm not mad, I'm just jealous." he whispered the last part against your neck.

_ "You shouldn't be, you're the only one I've ever carried this way, that's why I'm doing it." you wanted to show him what he truly meant to you, and as simple as your way of doing it was, you still hoped it would work.. It did.

_ "Never put me down then."

@afterhourswjay

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yeojaa · 4 years ago

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content creator year in review

tagged by some of the sweetest angels @jinpanman @yslkook @1kook @ttttaehyungie @balenciaguks @kkulfm @junghelioseok @ditttiii @hobidreams @yeoldontknow ty lovelies!

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: sugar high was the first bts fic i ever wrote, back in march. it still means so, so much to me, which i guess is why i finished the series in a month. wherever i’m with you is my most recent creation (i think?), though it’s just a short lil comfort drabble about one of my beloved couples.

one of your favorite creations from 2020: devil in a new suit. i started the fic off really strong and then went through a week of absolutely hating it and only finished it with the support of my friends. rereading it now, i love it so much.

a creation you’re really proud of: feed me fight me, mainly because i’ve had people tell me it feels like a very real relationship? and that means a lot, because i think it’s easy to write really fluffy, really angsty, really x fics, but making something feel real can be hard.

a creation that took you forever: holidating, which i still haven’t finished. i foolishly thought i could write it in a night and then ended up doing 5k and realising i hadn’t even written half of it. i’m slowly working through it, though... otherwise, to the moon and back. it’s been ongoing since march and i have three chapters left to write. wahhhh.

a creation from 2020 that received the most notes: devil in a new suit.

a creation you think deserved more notes: angels & airwaves. i love the couple so, so much and writing for them just comes easy and yeah!! not to say it doesn’t have a lot of notes already, but y’know. if i have to choose a very, um, underrated piece though? sweet magnolias.

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: ... i only joined the bts fandom this year so. so!!! i will say roseraie, though, which was fun to write and also entirely heartbreaking.

a creation you made that breaks your heart: oh. see above. but i guess ghost in my bed. it’s so incredibly angst heavy and while i love love love angst, it takes a toll to not swing things into fluff so it’s not the easiest thing to write.

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: i wouldn’t say it’s simple, per se, but it was a fic i knocked out really quickly because i just wanted to explore tattoos and jk and yeah. so never let you go.

a creation that was inspired by another one: honestly, most of my fics are inspired by each other. like, i do continuations/drabbles for most of them so... this feels like a hard question to answer. i guess sweet lullabies since it’s actually an addition to sugar high.

a favorite creation created by someone else: omg omg omg, okay. let me ramble for a second. because it’s so late, i won’t be leaving lil blurbs.

netflix & chill by @1kook

airplane pt. 2 by @xjoonchildx

regular by @ttttaehyungie

burning bright by @snackhobi

falling skies by @fortunexkookie

too close by @cutechim

love to hate you @latetaektalk

clairvoyant by @bratkook

when you least expect it @johobi

the wait by @kkulfm-writing

aphrodite in war @jungblue

i’m so in love with you @softguks

obligated by @underthejoon

of caresses and promises by @ditttiii

rattled by @gukslut

queen cobra by @fantasybangtan

game over by @joonsgalore

ego killer by @zibermuda

i’m probably missing so many but again it’s late so kdljsadjakd i’m sorry!

some of your favorite content creators from the year: @snackhobi @fortunexkookie @xjoonchildx @cutechim @johobi @himbojk @monoguk among others. if you want a comprehensive list, just take a look at my year-end post that lists like... everyone i love.

and for good measure, another couple more creations of yours that you love: my favourite clothes (even tho i fucked up and said holly was a girl), loved you better (because it’s written so differently from most of my fics), love you like i love you (because i just adore this couple), and in the night (because who can deny jeon wick?).

tagging: i think most people have already been tagged in this but idc and am going to spam you again 🤠 @flytomyjoon @brighttragedy @wwilloww @untaemedqueen @guktro @underthejoon @inkedtae @latetaektalk @kimnjss @cutechim @hansolmates @snackhobi @xjoonchildx @sahmfanficbts @coepiteamare

#captaindumbass.txt #launcher.txt #moots.zip #just adding a read more cause it's long as hell

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combat-wombatus · 4 years ago

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uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p

#coco answers #nonnie <3

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literallyprentissstwin · 5 years ago

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𝚒'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞. - 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟷

request: yes / no

characters: Sonny Carisi x Y/N Y/L/N (female reader tho, i´m sorry.)

others: Lt. Olivia Benson, Det. Amanda Rollins, Det. Fin Tutuola, ADA Rafael Barba, the suspect of the case, mentions of six young women

category: angst, hurt/comfort, crime

warnings: kidnapping, mentions of violence and torture

a/n: this is my first time ever writing for SVU, i hope you´ll take that into consideration while reading. i tried my hardest. the request was writing a story about reader and carisi who is in love with the reader, and last one gets kidnapped and tortured. after that ordeal, the reader stays with carisi and develops PTSD and our lovely detective helps the reader deal with it and confesses his love. this story will be long, so i decided to split it into two parts :) enjoy and leave some feedback :)

“It´s been a little over three hours since we last heard from Y/N and we still don´t know where he has taken her to of if she is still alive.”, Carisi hissed as he quickly got up from his chair at the table and started pacing around.

“Carisi, don´t think like that.”, Amanda tried to comfort her friend, which wasn´t working.

“What else am I supposed to think? This guy already has her for way too long and god only know what things he did to her. He said he´ll be sending videos every hour, but he stopped three hours ago, which can only mean that Y/N is most certainly dead.”, he replied angryly while stopping the pacing.

“We all know Y/N. She´s strong and a fighter. She will not give up nor will she stop fighting.”, Fin said as he got up as well and walked over to the frustrated detective and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Sonny sighed.

The squad was currently looking for serial rapist and killer, who already killed six young women. They all had Y/H/C hair and Y/E/C eyes, so it was clear from the beginning that Y/N fit way to good into the pattern. They had warned her about those facts, but Y/N, like she always was, stayed calm and played it down, until it was too late and their suspect got his hands on her. All of the squad members, and even Barba, were angry and frustrated; they all worked extra hard to get Y/N back as soon as they could. But it seemed like Carisi was hit harder by Y/N´s kidnapping than the others. Maybe it´s because of the strong friendship the two of them shared. Or maybe there was another reason? Ever sind Y/N disappeared, Sonny wouldn´t stop looking for her; he didn´t sleep, eat or even rest for a little while. He thought he didn´t deserve to do so, when Y/N is out there fighting for her life.

Slowly, Carisi sat down again, rubbing his face with his hands in desperation.

“This is all my fault.”, he whispered.

“Carisi...”, Olivia tried to say, but got interrupted by her detective.

“No, it´s my fault that Y/N has to go through all of this. It´s my fault that he got her.”

“It was Y/N´s choice, Carisi. You warned her about the danger, she took notice of it, but decided against the protective details assigned to her. There is nothing you could have done about it.”, Barba, who had joined the squad in the squadroom a few hours ago, now tried to reason with him.

“I still should have stayed with her. I should have talked to her more about it. I should have protected her, she´s my partner and my best friend. If she doesn´t survive this, then it´s on me. It´s my fault when she dies. I could never forgive myself for it. Heck, I already can´t stand looking at myself in the mirror because I let her go home to her apartment that night alone in first place. I should have brought her home, I should have stayed with her to make sure she´s alright. But I didn´t. I left her all alone, I let her down. That´s not what a good partner should do. So, yes. It is my fault that Y/N is not here with us righ now, Counselor.”, and with that, Carisi stood up yet again and left the room. All of them looked after their friend, knowing nothing they would say right now would help him feel better. He was at war with himself and he needed time to think and realise that there is nothing he could have changed about that night; it would have happened anyway.

“I´ll go talk to him.”, Amanda said nevertheless. She know her friend was hurting and she wanted to be there for him. Liv nodded and gaver her an encouraging smile.

“Wow, I never saw Carisi like this.”, Barba confessed as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Well, Y/N and he are very close.”, Fin said.

“Maybe a little too close? You can´t tell me that they´re only best friends. There´s more to it.”, the ADA replied.

“It doesn´t matter right now. All that matter at the moment is that we´ll find Y/N as soon as possible.”, Liv said before her phone started to ring.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Hey, can I come in?”, Rollins asked as she carefully opened the door to the break room, where she finally had found Carisi.

“Sure...”, the detective sighed as he picked at the chocolate bar he just got. Rollins took a seat opposite of him.

“You know that you can´t blame yourself for what happened, right?”, she tried to start a conversation.

“I know, somewhere deep down inside me, but I just can´t help it.”, Sonny replied, finally lifting his gaze to look his friend in the eyes.

“Carisi...”, Amanda tried to continue to talk, but got interrupted by the detective.

“You know what the worst part is? That we do know exactly what he did to his previous victims. We know every single cruel detail. It´s bad, when they take someone you love away from you and you don´t know what happens to them. But it´s even worse when you are aware of what´s going to happen and that there is nothing you can do about it. Yes, I do blame myself, because I should have known better. I should´ve protected her; Y/N´s my partner and as her partner, it´s my duty to take care of her and to protect her. And I failed at it, miserably. She´s my best friend. I can never forgive myself for the mistakes I made that night.”

“You really do love her, don´t you?”, Rollins finally dared to ask although the answer was quite obvious to her.

“With all my heart.”, Sonny admitted truthfully, “I can´t..I-I don´t want to live without her. She keeps me sane in this crazy, cruel world. She´s my light; I just...I-I can´t do this without her.”

Just when Rollins was about to say something, Fin came rushing into the room.

“We´ve got somethings, but we need to move ASAP.”, he said at which both Amanda and Dominick got up, “no, not you, Carisi. Liv wants you to stay behind because you´re too close.”

“You bet, I´m not staying behind. Let´s go.”

Without further questions or comments, the squad left, followed by a SWAT unit. The technical analyst had finally been able to track the IP adress from which their suspect had send the videos to the team. It was an address somewhere in an industrial area. Olivia, Fin, Amanda and Sonny rushed to get to Y/N, praying that it wouldn´t be too late.

- - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After a 20 minutes long ride, which felt like an eternity, the squad finally arrived at the address and they quickly decided to split up. There was no time for further discussions, so Olivie let Sonny go to the back of the building with Rollins and a few SWAT agents while she and Fin, and another group of SWAT agents, entered the building through the front door. As soon as they got inside the house, they heard suspicious noises coming from the upper level of the house. While Fin and Live went to check on them, Amanda and Carisi went for the basement, leaving the SWAT team with the rest of the house to check out.

Slowly, Liv and Fin climbed up the stairs and carefully walked closer to where the noises were coming from. They came to a stop when they saw their suspect, who goes by the name Peter Turner, right in front of them, hurrying to pack a bag full of clothes and other essentials.

“NYPD! Put your hands up slowly and turn around!”, Olivia warned the man, who stopped dead in his tracks and didn´t move.

“Hey, you son of a bitch. Do what she said.”, Fin said annoyed at which Turner turned around with his hands up, grinning.

“What´s there to laugh about?”, It´s over.”, Fin asked, getting more and more annoyed.

“Oh no, this is far from over. Your beautiful detective, it´ll be never over for her. Do you know that she kept calling for you to come and safe her? She so desperatley wanted you to help her, but you let her down.”, the perp replied.

“Shut up!”, Live yelled, tightening the grip on her gun.

“Where is she? Where is Y/N?”, the Lieutenant asked, carefully stepping closer to the suspect who kept standing still. He began to laugh which made Fin snap. He grabbed Turner and roughly pushed him up against a wall, pointing his gun at him.

“You sick bastard. You´re life is already miserable enough, but I can make sure that it will get even more miserable if you don´t tell us right now where Detective Y/L/N is.”

The man, struggling to get some air into his lungs, still laughed at the duo.

“I´m not telling you anything. Let´s just hope your precious detective is still alive.”

Just when Liv was about to give this man a piece of her mind, she heard Rollins over her ear piece.

“We´ve got her, but we need an ambulance ASAP.”

“Game over.”, Liv said before she turned around to rush downstairs to the rest of her squad while Fin arrested the suspect and handed him over to the SWAT agents before rushing downstairs as well.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

While Liv and Fin were upstairs looking for their suspect, Rollins and Carisi rushed downstairs in search for their colleague.

“Y/N? Y/N? It´s us.”, Sonny said over and over again, hoping that he would eventually get an answer, but it remained silent. They opened every door possible and looked inside every room until there was only one room left. Amanda and Sonny tightened the grip on their guns before Sonny carefully opened the door.

And there she was.

Battered, bruised and barely dressed.

Laying on the ground, facing the wall.

“Y/N...”, Sonny hissed as he put his gun away and rushed towards Y/N, checking for any signs of life.

“We´ve got her, but we need an ambulance ASAP.”, Amanda said into her mic, so Liv and Fin would get the message.

“She´s got a pulse.”, Sonny yelled. Right after that, Rollins joined Sonny´s side. While she was busy making the call, Carisi took off his windbreaker and put it on Y/N´s ice cold body.

“Y/N? Can you hear me? It´s us, Sonny and Amanda.”, he tried again, but got no reaction.

“I´m so, so sorry, Y/N. This is all my fault. Please, wake up. It´s all over now. No one can hurt you now, you´re safe.”, he whispered as he carefully gathered Y/N´s head on his lap, too scared to hurt her even more. Tears gathered inside his eyes. This couldn´t be it, this couldn´t be the end.

“Where are the freaking medics?”, Sonny yelled, looking around angrily.

Just as Amanda was about to ge up to look for them, the medics, alongside Liv and Fin, came rushing into the room.

“You need to step aside, Sir.”, one medic said to Sonny, who refused to leave Y/N´s side.

“Sir, if you don´t move, we can´t help her.”, the medic tried to reason with Carisi.

“But I..:”, the detective was about to say when Fin came over to him and carefully moved him away from Y/N´s unconscious body.

“Come one, Carisis. Let them do their job.”, Fin said to his co-worker as he walked him to the side where Amanda and Liv were standing.

“Did you get him?”, Sonny wanted to know.

“Yes, he´s on his way to the precinct right now.”, Liv said and Carisi was letting out a breath he didn´t even know he was holding. Just when he was about to ask more questions, the medics started to put Y/N on a gurney.

“Is she okay? Will she make it?”, the worried detective asked as he rushed towards the medics.

“Right now, we can´t actually say a lot about her condition. She´s breathing and she´s got a pulse, but her injuries seem to be pretty severe. There might be internal bleeding, but to be sure of this, we need to get her to Mercy´s ASAP.”, the medic answered truthfully and with that, they quickly rushed Y/N out of the house.

“I´m gonna call Barba and let him know where to meet us.”, Rollins said as she walked away from the group to give the ADA a call.

“Alright, let´s get going. CSU is on its way over here. The precinct is sending over a few detectives to investigate the crime scene more. Our job is done here. Let´s head over to the hospital.”, Liv explained to the squad before they hurried out of the house and into the car. A thousand thoughts were running through Carisi´s head. He hoped that they had found her in time, so that Y/N could make it out of there alive. He hoped that everything would be alright.

And for the first time in a long time, he actually and truly prayed.

( a friendly reminder that english is NOT my mother tongue, so i´m very sorry for any mistakes :))

just tagging a few people since i don´t really have a tag list yet

@illegalcerebral @ultrarebelheart @dontshootmespence @svuimagines @svubloods @svu-ncis-criminalminds @svubabes @playbucky @lclb13

(if you don´t want to be tagged, please just let me know. also if you wanna be tagged, tell me!)

#law and order svu imagine #law and order svu reader insert #law and order svu fanfiction #law and order svu fanfics #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi reader insert #sonny carisi fanfiction

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mcrmadness · 4 years ago

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Oooo, how about two from each of them? Fanfic asks: J and P, film asks: 15 and 16, music asks: 20 and 26.

OMG thanks!!! :DDD

Ask games: Fanfic asks, Film asks and Music asks. (People you can still send me asks if you want, asks are fun to answer to!)

***

FANFIC ASKS:

A little background before we get to the questions: I haven’t written too many, actually only 6 quite short ones (and one of them is a bit longer than usual) about Die Ärzte (Bela/Farin FTW) and all of these I have written between the years 2009 and 2012, so I was 18-21 which means they are not that good. And there’s lots of things I wouldn’t write anymore. I also have a WIP on my computer, I started it in 2012 but stopped writing altogether only to start writing again in the end 2018, it has bit over 28k words currently and tbh I have written 90% of that when I started writing again two years ago. I still have my old ones up on LiveJournal (ask for a link), but I haven’t published anything fron this later one as I’ve just been writing down all kinds of snippets whenever I have had an inspiration. I think those are also a lot better in quality than what I wrote before, the old ones are quite cringey.

J. What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I guess we talk about those fics I have also finished, now. It’s actually hard to decide but I would say my favourite is either Why not even once? or The Boring Book Freak. I think the latter is actually The favourite.

The first one (was actually my second dä ff overall) is set to happen in 2003 and in that one Farin is leaving for another vacation somewhere and Bela wants to go with him, but Farin wants to travel alone and Bela is struggling with that, as well as with Farin finally leaving and having to somehow survive his time at home without Farin there. The writing itself is bit stupid and I feel that the end got bit too far but otherwise I like the idea.

The second one (came actually after the previous one) is set to happen in the early/mid 90s (my fave Bela/Farin era btw) and on that they just are at some random summer cottage. Now, fuck cottagecores and such, I wrote it because summer cottages are a thing in Finland and I wrote it when cottagecore was not even cool yet. Somehow I imagined that it would be very Farin-like to rent a cottage from the middle of nowhere, in a forest and then spend a weekend or so there with Bela. Who then is not entertained at all and is bored because Farin won’t put away his book and won’t give him any attention, so he tries everything to get Farin’s attention. I especially like the visual images this fanfic gives to me, I can see their hairs and outfits so well and those are also aesthetically very pleasing. (They look the same as in that Absolut Live interview from the 90s, I don’t control their looks with my fics usually, I just have an idea and then my brain creates how they look in that particular scene :D)

I have also written a short songfic around the lyrics of their song “Ich weiß nicht (ob es Liebe ist)” and it was fun to imagine that as Bela/Farin. That was fun to write.

This got a bit long so I put the rest under a cut:

P. What are your favorite tropes to write?

(Had to google what a trope is lol. I’m old-school and no longer know most of the terms unless they’re old terms.)

Angst - I put my own angst, sadness and angriness into my writing often. It’s when I feel like in real life I would need other people but I don’t know how to reach out or don’t just feel comfortable about opening up, I open up a file and start writing. This is also where we get to the next trope...

Hurt/Comfort - But not so that X hurts Y, but that Y feels hurt for other reasons and then X comforts them. I kinda got obsessed with this theme after being bullied at school so I was always hurt but never comforted, so I often go back to those feels and emotions with my text to look for that comfort (hug, nice words, whatever) I never got in real life.

Fluff - This is bit complicated because I like writing fluff but I also hate reading fluff I have written. Because it does not sound like me. And sometimes when I write, I feel like standing behind my own back and vomiting a little on the inside because of how cheesy and disgusting that is but still I can’t stop writing. And then I feel like a different person when I read them because I can’t believe it’s ME who wrote them. The same way when I watch movies and people kiss, I always look away. And I want to look away when I read my fanfiction. But I can’t, especially because I know I looked at that scene in my head when I wrote it.

Humour - I love humour so much and I like to include this to my writing. Normally I put the humour in my comics but some of that fits also in the regular texts too.

***

FILM ASKS:

These are super tough but also fun - I have been trying to think of what to answer to these for days.

15. A film everyone loves but you hate?

The Avengers (-12). Sorry but not sorry. Well I don’t hate it but I don’t understand why everyone says it’s the best Marvel movie ever. It’s not. It’s full of clichés and stupid forced heteroromances and whatnot and the plot was just so, so predictive I don’t understand why it’s often talked about as some sort of cinematic master piece. I literally was able to tell everything that was gonna happen next when I watched it for the first time. Only cool things in that movie are Loki and Iron Man, whose character I already liked as I had seen the Iron Man movie and liked it. But I hated both Thor movies (the third one is awesome tho).

I like Marvel and I have seen I guess most of the movies - before MCU all good Marvel movies to come out were The X-Men movies and Spider-Man movies, and because I saw so many terrible Marvel movies, I was avoiding the whole MCU and I got into these movies much later and still, after seeing them all, I say The Avengers is one of the worst ones. Thor and Thor 2 are pretty much even worse (and I haven’t even seen the Hulk movie because it looks terrible), mainly because I just can’t stand the fact they’re mainly just built around Thor and his love interest...

16. A film you love but everyone else hates?

Spider-Man 3 (or the whole trilogy with Tobey Maguire). I see we continue with Marvel here but seriously I don’t understand why everyone is always picking on Tobey’s version of Spider-Man? And people especially hate the third movie and how Venom was portrayed in it (I’m obsessed with Venom’s human teeth pls I want his teeth), when it’s actually the best one for me. The second one is bit boring because it was again all about whining and Mary-Jane... Anyway, the reason why I am so attached to these movies is that I saw the first Spider-Man movie from TV when I was a teenager and in junior high myself, and I was bullied and a bit of a nerd so I could relate to Peter Parker a lot, and it gave me just so much strength to see him become Spider-Man and to stand up against the bullies and other assholes.

I also saw the third movie in the movie theater and there was one scene during which I started hysterically laughing with my friend because of an expression Tobey made as he was sitting on a bed, I don’t know why but somehow I just totally lost it at that :D It still makes me laugh so much when I see it! And when the movie ended, I heard a The Killers song “Move Away” for the first time during the end credits and TK was one of my favorite bands at the time (and still is).

***

MUSIC ASKS:

20. a song that empowers you

It gotta be Dead! by My Chemical Romance:

youtube

This album was what got me through all the shit that happened when I was 15+ and especially this song always made (and still makes) me feel so good. I often listened to my old mp3 player while walking to school and back home and every time this song came by, I just felt like nothing can harm and that life FINALLY was so great! It’s so energetic and still makes me feel that living is actually super awesome.

26. a song that taught you a lesson

Hmmm. I think I will answer to this with Dusche by Farin Urlaub.

youtube

That thumbnail is terrible but... And why did I choose this song? Well, I’m all for the sound what comes to music and I’d say at least 80% of all lyrics go way over my head. I just don’t have the skills for understanding poetry and also very poetic lyrics make me go crazy. I hate not knowing and when I have to assume, guess and interpret something. I don’t want to guess but I wanna know what someone has actually thought.

Dusche was the first song that had lyrics that for the first time ever actually spoke for me. I probably saw some video with English subtitles a fan had made and it just blew me away because holy shit, people are capable of writing lyrics even I can understand??? And that way I realized I can like lyrics but only if they make absolutely no sense (aka are funny or somewhat crazy, like Dusche) or when they are written in a story form or sung from the 1st person view or to “you” or in passive - but only if I can get behind the idea there.

After Dusche, Farin’s song Porzellan followed. And one of my absolute favourites is Karten. So, Farin is one of the only few people whose lyrics I have been able to understand. I still don’t hear lyrics and don’t understand a majority of the lyrics my fave bands write, and I have understood only a couple of Bela’s lyrics and I’m not sure if I’ve understood any of Rod’s lyrics. It’s not even about the language barrier anymore really, it’s just the topics or wordings I cannot comprehend.

Thank you again for the ask! This was very interesting to ponder and answer to :)

#useless-blog-of-a-moth #mutuals #ask games #mcrmadness' random stuff

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jimlingss · 6 years ago

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I can't believe you ended chp 16 of Jp like that...i want to fight 😭

if you fight me, i’m guaranteed to be hospitalized ((look at these noodle arms)) and then who will post the next chapter on Monday? uh huuuh, that’s what I thought. Think twice before you wanna square up. (ง •̀_•́)ง

I am now answering spoiler-y messages below, so beware....

[SPOILER ALERT]

*SPOILER ALERT**SPOILER ALERT**!SPOILER ALERT!*

Massive spoilers to come, please do not read if you have not yet read Jungle Park Chapter 16. Or go ahead and read if you’re chaotic like that.

Anonymous said: ok but what if oc and Hoseok were actually engaged....

I’m an idiot, anon - I accidentally deleted your ask before I copied it correctly lol oops, but ding ding ding! correct! you’re a winner!! i believe you sent me this message like 2 chapters ago and honestly you freaked me out by how accurate you were. dammit, I might’ve been too predictable, but you catch on quick. sorry i couldn’t answer sooner hahaha i couldn’t risk other people jumping on the same theory. you’re a genius tho, i’ll give you props for it.

Anonymous said: DATED!FOR 4 YEARS! ENGAGED! Omg wow shit really hit the fan like there is no coming back omg Wowoowoeoeoeooew I’m SHOOK like I never expected that like NEVER!!!

Anonymous said:I KNEW IT!!! i had a feeling it was either a really long relationship or they were engaged at one point. TURNS OUT IT WAS BOTH omg gahdhsjxbjsjs I'm so excited to see this all just unravel omgomgomgomg

kawaii-ing said: FhbsjshJuxYhUgrnziVJgdjsbdud JUNGLE PARK CHAPTER 16 JUST WRECKED ME YO 😱😱😱😱😱 HE KNOWS AND SHE DOESNT KNOW HE KNOWS IM SO CURIOUS FOR WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW Btw lovvvveeee your writing, thanks for all your hard work boo xxx💜💜

ASDFGHJKL I SAID SHIT WOULD HIT THE FAN AND I FOLLOWED THROUGH, RIGHT?? AREN’T YOU PROUD! THERE’S NO CLICKBAIT ON THIS BLOG HAHAHA

Anonymous said: omgg 4 years? ENGAGED?? I’m ??? jut WHAT happened

:O :O

Anonymous said: BROOOOOOO! THEY WERE ENGAGED :o *insert Pikachu meme*

pikachu meme?? hahaha is that a sarcastic surprise? so you weren’t actually? lolololol :O

Anonymous said: Ahh I loved jungle park 16!! I'm so excited for the angst to come 👀 is hoseok's car accident related to oc at all?

hmm guess you’ll have to wait and see ((but also just putting it out there that if it was related that would be pretty makjang and lol im not about that life with this series))

Anonymous said: (1)oh holy hell Kina,,,my head’s hurting bcs of JP:16. ENGAGED what?? huh. now its one of my fav chapters, like 4-6 (ah those innocent cute baby steps in hoseok’s&oc’s relationship,,,not THIS). but freaking FINALLY someone spilled the beans. i love this kind of scenes, THE truth revelation. chang’s unaware of storm hes causing with his words, hoseok’s world’s simply crushing, oc doesnt know yet whats happening&dae is helplessly watching from sidelines trying to stop the catastrophe&failing

Anonymous said:(2)thats sad. i kinda can imagine what hoseoks feeling now, plagued w question that almost no one’s willing to answer, that drive him crazy.what happened? why did oc hide the truth? what did i do, how bad did we hurt each other? why can’t i remember any of it fuck. its a perfect opportunity for insecurities&ugly thoughts&inner demons to poison his mind. and oc...her house of cards collapsed revealing things she was trying hard to escape. will she feign ignorance again or will she finally face it

Anonymous said:(3)i just hope that in the end after this storm theyll reach their own peace, whatever the outcome will be. past stays in past, but only if every issue is resolved. otherwise it might return later&be worse than before. it was a great chapter. thank you — chem

THE BEANS HAVE BEEN SPILLED!!! honestly the universe is in chaos right now lol Hoseok’s like the fuck....and oc doesn’t even know lol but yeah it’s definitely a sad situation for almost all parties. there’s still more to be revealed tho, like the actual details of what the fuck went on haha anyways, i’m glad you’re enjoying it!

Anonymous said: AAHHHHH ITS FINALLY HERE!! Thank you 💞💞. Wow it was truly a lot and honestly, I feel kinda scared for Hoseok... it’s crazy that he really doesn’t remember anything and learning all this new information is like being in another word. If this story wasn’t one about love and fluff, it could’ve totally turned into a horror story lol. Thank you again and I’m very excited to see where the story goes!!

a horror? can’t say im very good at the genre but that’s definitely an interesting concept....the more i think about it....like for someone to go through something suppper traumatic and not remember at all and someone appears in their life but it turns out that someone was actually the serial killer? dammmmn that would be really interesting. i digress, thank you for enjoying it. definitely Hoseok is lost, scared, confused.

Anonymous said: SHIT’S 🗣 HITTING 🗣 THE 🗣 FAN 🗣 omg *insert “she’s meditating” “she’s dead” meme* and the fact that this is just the beginning??? how?? what?? i’m honestly so skek for the next chapter like i dont think hoseok’s gonna go apeshit on yn but you never know now do you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ superb chapter for reals!!!! like, all of your writing is great but this chapter?? *chef’s kiss* didnt even know i was an angst fan until this chapter lol sending all my love to you!!! - chanting anon

hahhahahahhahaha there’s a lot more to unravel. now the puzzle has been exposed, we gotta start looking at the details. thank you for the message *throws chef’s kiss back* also welcome to the angst realm lol

Anonymous said: finals starts at the 20th and school ends in the 24th and we're still at chap 1 on our research. Due to stress, i thought, hey, might as well read the latest chapter bUT WHO KNEW IT WOULD BRING ME MORE STRESS. FOUR YEARS?! ENGAGED?! i feel like hoseok right now. You make such awesome stories and worlds. It affects me in so many good ways i cant even. i dont always give you my thoughts per chapter but i want you to know that i scream at every single one of them. have a nice day! - anon h.a.n.d.

oh my goodness!!! good luck on your exams!! hahah im sorry the chapter isn’t very much comfort food and kind of more wild but still happy you enjoyed it!

Anonymous said: PT. 15 & 16?! WHAT. I COME BACK TO TWO CHAPTERS. HOLY COW. but really, like now that I know what I know, I’m so sad. I wonder what their relationship was like. That’s a lot of time to invest in someone and for it to fall apart like that... I couldn’t imagine what OC had to go through. I’m sad BUT THE DEVELOPMENT IS MAKING ME SO FREAKIN EXCITED. THANK YOU FOR GIVING US SOME ANSWERS ABOUT THE PAST. I CANT WAIT TO SEE HOW MUCH ELSE HE FINDS OUT.

I KNOW RIGHT?? LIKE FOUR YEARS IS A FUCKING LONG TIME. then again that was like 8 years ago. but yeah, it’s sad for both oc and Hoseok, y’know? I’M GLAD YOU’RE EXCITED!!!

Anonymous said: Great Jungle Park chapter! I'm pissed because SOMEONE SPOILED IT and i saw they were engaged before i could even click on the 'read more',,, but great chapter! I wish i could've read it without knowing, it kinda made me sad and it was not as great as it could have been.. @people spoiling, fuck off >:(( @you you're the best writer ily u nice keep going!! Can't wait to have Hoseok's full mind process over how crazy it is he doesn't remember 4 YEARS and an ENGAGEMENT (and only 2 dates huhu)

haha chill, anon. did you actually know that spoilers can make someone enjoy a story more? it’s actually a really interesting thing to google and find out more about. the chapter’s still the same whether you had an inkling of what was going on or not. you still enjoyed it too, right? :D

Anonymous said: CRAP OK, well, we knew it was something more than two days, but HONESTLY lol I love how you wrote y/n trying to keep it together. I could feel her fear as she lost control of the situation when Hoseok showed up. Do you think in her mind she even slightly expected him to show up? I'm assuming she's very internal w/ her thoughts/feelings seeing as she doesn't talk to anyone about what happened between her & Hobi all those years ago nor has she dealt w/ it, mostly just avoided it, would you say?

oh yeah oc was on the verge of a mental breakdown when he showed up rofl, damn near scared her. he was basically like a jumpscare LOL. but yeah for sure she didn’t expect him to come. i mean she basically told him and he was like ‘ok whatever’ and didn’t express interest and it’s not like he got an invite so she didn’t know he would actually go out of his way to show up. and yeah i agree, oc’s very internal with her feelings, or at least what happened all those years ago. it’s sensitive issues anyway that she’s left behind. or at least tried to.

tofugguk said: BROOO i LITERALLY— LITERALLY LOST IT. WHEN CHANGSUB DROPPED THEM BEING TOGETHER FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS THEN THE- “You guys even got engaged.” PART I SCREAMED. YOOOOO I CANTTT HANDLE THIS

Changsub isn’t the dumbass that we wanted. But the dumbass we needed.

((don’t you love how oc tried so hard to keep it a secret for like 16 chapters aka like near a year and some idiot comes trapezing in and in his first scene he just spills all the beans??? hahahha))

#SPOILERRRRS #tofugguk #chanting anon #anon h.a.n.d.#kawaii-ing #chem anon #Jimlings #Anonymous

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blurhawaii · 5 years ago

Text

Yuletide 2019

dear yuletide writer,

hello and happy yuletide! this is my fifth year taking part and my longest letter yet so i’m just going to jump right in. the suggestions are guidelines. if you’ve got a great idea, go for it. i only ask that you steer clear of my dislikes.

feel free to go through my tumblr for each of these fandoms. i should have tags for them, tho your mileage may vary. i might even have more stuff on my side blog: here. likes:

dysfunctional relationships eg. codependency, messed up father/son dynamics, enemies to lovers, power imbalances.

found family

big loyalty kink. love it when trust is earned and kept.

praise kink

vulnerability in men

open and honest communication between partners

i love ot3s. it’s the journey of them getting together and making it work that interests me the most. or how an established pair goes about bringing in a third person.

stories set in canon. or a divergence of canon.

dark/bleak fics. don’t be afraid to drag characters through the mud. happy endings are welcome but i like the struggle.

i’m fine with anything from gen to porn but would be happiest with something in the middle. i love first times.

canon typical violence is fine and to be expected from some of my choices of fandoms.

detective stories/film noir

magical realism/cosmic horror. weird hints of it in an otherwise normal universe

redemption arcs

characters and relationships are more important than plot for me

dislikes:

AUs that are completely disconnected from canon e.g. coffee shop AUs.

established relationships

crossovers

genderbending

feminisation of male characters

fics that are entirely fluff

A/B/O fics

PWP

mpreg

scat/watersports

first person fics (i have no problem with second person fics tho if you think that could work. they really wow me when done well.)

The Departed (2006) *Billy Costigan *Sean Dignam

one of my favourite films ever. i request it every year so you can't really go wrong with this as i am thirsty for anything. most of my love is for dignam and his tough love attitude towards his job and the undercovers he's responsible for. it's obvious he cares, i don't think you could do a job like that and not care, but those rare and few moments when he softens around billy --we need you, pal-- that's what i would like to see more of. i have written a couple of departed fics myself, centred around costigan/dignam, but in all honesty, i would be happy with anything involving them both. shipping is preferred but whatever you are comfortable with is fine. due to the nature of the film, i am perfectly comfortable with violence and the screwed up relationship they are bound to have. the friction born of the situation vs the fact that they need each other to get through this is what i am all about.

codependency, power imbalances and enemies to lovers tropes are abound here.

fics where billy lives are my usual go-to. the survivability of being shot in the head, that kind of stuff can be hand waved away in fic, and i'd love something that explores the angst of billy's ‘where the hell were you when i needed you’ reaction towards dignam following that ending.

or a canon divergence fic with their totally antagonistic relationship being front and centre. i just ask that there be an underlying level of affection, no matter how buried. when billy is undercover, there’s a special kind of relationship that comes with dignam and queenan being the only people he can talk to.

something i’ve never seen for this but would actually love: a time loop/groundhog day fic

Jurassic Park Original Trilogy (Movies)

*Sarah Harding *Ian Malcolm *Nick Van Owen

i originally wasn’t going to ask for this again this year (i was lucky enough to get treated with a fic a couple of years ago) but then someone other than myself nominated nick van owen which surprised and delighted me and i figured why the hell not.

my passion here is the ot3 potential. i view these three in the same way i view the trio in the first film, meaning i see them as three people who have bonded over a traumatic experience and come out of it forever linked in some way. they spend the entire film looking out for each other and keeping each other safe, and they all separately take care of ian’s daughter at one point and i am fascinated by this and how that could continue in the future. (in fact, i love stories where adults treat kids like adults, not talking down to them–see any shane black film.) i’m looking for an actual relationship between them but would be happy with anything that showcased a connection with every side of this triangle.

anything post-film with them dealing or not dealing with what happened would be amazing. there are quite a few fics based around this idea for the first film’s trio, i’d love to see something like that for these three. (i’ve always been kind of bitter about the way nick just disappears for the last act but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ that’s what fics are for, i guess.)

i don’t like the jurassic world films but i’m fine with fics that take that future into account. a lot of the trauma for these characters comes from the idea that the parks still exist and continue to fuck people up.

Godless (TV 2017)

*Roy Goode *Bill McNue *Alice Fletcher

i’m a massive fan of westerns. the harsh way of life, the violence, the isolation, drawn out revenge plots, the murkiness of good vs evil or sheriff vs anti-hero, the importance of honour and heroism and how that differs for men and women, especially in this universe with its town full of widows. having said all that, i’m still very much a sucker for cool cowboys in a shallow female way.

as you’ve probably already gathered my favourite thing is turning every love triangle into an ot3. so i’d love a fic post canon where roy comes back after realising found family is just as important as real family despite frank’s influence. i imagine bill would try to do the gentlemanly/self depreciating thing of bowing out and letting roy and alice be together but i’d love for alice to actually get a say in this where she wasn’t allowed in the show. however you jigsaw them together my main thing is that bill doesn’t get left out.

i feel the roy/bill aspect in particular could be explored a lot more. i love that they don’t hate each on sight. they learn mutual respect and then smoothly move around each other during the gunfight at the end. (bill’s deteriorating eyesight side plot also fascinates me, how it goes with his loss of purpose -”losing his shadow”- and comes back when teaming up with roy to defend the town. maybe there’s a fic possibility where it flares up again due to his insecurity of roy coming between him and alice. either way, the hints of magical realism here and with frank’s repeated insistence that he’s seen his death and this ain’t it are great and i wouldn’t mind seeing more of that.)

the usual ideas of western masculinity get all twisted around when roy and bill are in the presence of alice and they both seem kind of subby towards her, which yes please. the way alice kisses the scar she gave roy and the fact that he simply lets her is *chef kiss* because i also love the parallel that bill got shot in the hip trying to get revenge for alice. they all have scars that tie them together.

i’m actually very okay with letting them be soft with each other after all of their tragedy.

honest communication between partners could work wonders here.

Barry (TV 2018)

*Barry Berkman *Monroe Fuches

i expected to like this show. dark comedy, depressed hitman, henry winkler, it’s a perfect combination of things. i didn’t expect to get obsessed with barry’s obvious fucked up father-figure hangups. but hey ho, i was pleasantly surprised.

pretty much every one of barry’s relationships in this show has an element of fucked-upness but the barry/fuches one is by far the worst. it’s codependent, it’s manipulative, it’s a little abusive, the power is constantly flip-flopping and most importantly there’s the father/son dynamic that could so easily tip over into something sexual. it’s everything i love. any time fuches calls barry “his boy” it kills me. and i am fascinated by the way barry can go from needy and touch starved to a rampaging killer hunting fuches down by the end and still have that dynamic going strong.

the parallels between them and the barry/gene cousineau relationship, which is fucked up too just in a very different way, are great. love the jealousy it brings and i would even be into a fic set post the season 2 ending, if you could find a way to swing that. though, while i like a little darkness, i would still rather see them fall back into old unhealthy habits than kill each other.

any kind of prequel fic would be amazing too.

and just to be clear i’m more than okay with a sexual relationship between these two but if you don’t want to write it that’s fine. I’d just like all the other aspects of their shitty relationship delved into.

L.A. Confidential (1997)

*Bud White *Ed Exley

pretty much all of my bullet pointed likes come into play here. i’ve nominated two characters but i’d be happy with almost any combination of the characters available in the tagset as long as exley is involved in some way.

ships i like: bud/exley, exley/vincennes, bud/exley/lynn

but if we matched purely on both bud and exley then:

i love the opposites attract partnership bud and exley have and i like that they both seem angry at their attraction to each other. hate-sex with reluctant feelings? always good. i'd love anything that deals with their perceived difference in intellect and/or education. bud being turned-on by exley's smarts, exley realizing how much he's underestimated bud, them being mutually impressed by each other.

if you choose to go down the ot3 route then:

i love fics where exley shows up in arizona and they fall into weird domesticity. i love seeing how three people--especially three people who aren't used to the idea of poly relationships--work their way towards realizing and accepting what they want.

and while i’m not sure what you could do with this knowledge, i’d just like to add that i’ve read the book and i’m somewhat obsessed with the existence of dream-a-dreamland in general. if you could incorporate that in any way i’d be hugely impressed.

POKEMON Detective Pikachu (2019)

*Harry Goodman *Hide Yoshida

this is totally a last minute request that i’ve edited in but is by no means less wanted than the others. i watched this film back when it came out and was honestly surprised by how much i enjoyed it. i’m a massive pokemon fan and have been since i got my pokemon red when i was seven years old and, let me tell you, getting to see all those growlithes waddling about the real world was like a childhood dream come true.

i had a good time and i moved on.

a few days ago i stumbled on a piece of art : here : and it was like the little goblin that is my brain just sat up straight. the very concept of these characters together had never crossed my mind before that but then suddenly the desire for this just casually strolled through my entire headspace, turning on every light as it went.

i love detective stories, i love cop partnerships, i love hot single dads who happen to be cops with cute little pokemon cop partners. i love that harry is kind of a shitty father but he’s now trying his best. i love that hide had nothing but praise and respect for harry when he meets with tim and that he knew things like tim wanting to be a pokemon trainer when he was younger (meaning he and harry had talked about stuff like this.) i love that hide inexplicably has a spare key to harry’s apartment in his desk drawer. i love how absolutely certain hide was in saying harry loved his son more than anything in the world.

there’s history there is what i’m saying, and i’d love to know more about it.

anything set pre-film would be cool. loose cannon harry throwing his whole being into his job to deal with the loss of his wife and his fractured relationship with his son. hide the tired lieutenant trying to rein him in, quietly talking about tim together, keeping him grounded and safe. all up until he can’t, that is. (great angst potential with hide genuinely believing harry is dead.)

anything set post-film would be even better. harry struggling to find balance between being a father and a cop. probably doing a shitty job at it in the beginning. hide trying to help. would love for tim to be an actual presence (outsider POV could be amazing here.)

may sound strange but my favourite thing that used to happen in digimon a lot is when characters would interact with each other digimon partner. i would be massively into a fic about the two of them growing closer through each other’s pokemon partner.

thank you writer and best of luck.

#yuletide #yuletide 2019

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cryptidofthekeys · 5 years ago

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All the writer asks!!!!!!

I’ve already answered the pen n paper one so I’ll leave that one out and answer the rest haha

ink: what do you do to “set the mood” when writing?

hmmm… well to usually set the mood would depend on the type of story I’m writing, if its horror/really angsty shit then I’m definitely going for dark themed music, if its something fluffy n cute- then im gonna go for some really happy upbeat music, so to set the mood- it’d usually depend on the genre

diary: how many pieces have you written that are just for you or will never see the light of day?

……Shhh… Let’s keep those my dirty little secret… (their not nsfw, thats not what I mean by that just to clarify)

journal: do you ever write just so you can enjoy something to read?

Hmm I guess I’ve done it once or twice before, but I dont do it too often-

novella: do you prefer to write short stories, one-shots, or entire novels?

I don’t think I’ve even came CLOSE to an entire novel but, I do a lot of short-stories and ESPECIALLY one-shots, im not very good at chapter based stories or anything

pulitzer: tell about/link a piece where you felt your writing was the best.

Ooooh fuck this is a tough one, Im too lazy to link it but- in my Yan!Henrik story there were some parts I ABSOLUTELY loved and felt were p damn good and in the werewolf story I wrote as well, some good parts in there too, but I definitely feel more fond over some of the scenes in the Yan!Hen story than any other one

genre: what genre do you prefer to write in?

Honestly, I’m pretty open to genres, like- fantasy, science-fiction, etc- the whole shabang- im not too picky bout any of them-

narrator: what pov do you like writing in best?

hmmm I guess like- wouldnt it technically be in third person with the way I write, for the reader its always You and or they, I always keep a story gender-neutral so that way all readers can be who they want to be in the stories, it can give them a better chance to imagine themselves in said position, now if i got a specific thing to do, male, female, non-binary, etc- then yeah I’d do that

backstory: how did you come to love writing?

That’s a- actually kinda simple tbh- its not an interesting story- At first I was actually unsure about it, but then- the more I wrote, the more I got super into it- It was just… super fun to me after I did it for awhile

time-lapse: how long have you been writing (as a hobby or for work)?

It’s a hobby for now, but I do wish I could open commissions- but hmm its been like, maybe 5-6 years by now, maybe even a bit longer

characterization: describe your favorite character(s) you’ve written.

You should know this for sure haha, my favorite characters to write with tho- I’ll just say who they are, all the septic egos p much except… im still not too confident with writing Angus yet, some of the Iplier egos, like the Jims, Harold, and Eric, and I’m trying to branch out to other fandoms, I like writing with David n Daniel, from the cc fandom, and I’m trying to work on Dream Daddy characters too, Joseph, Robert, Mary, etc- and then my own characters too- I dont write wiht them often but I try

carnegie: what authors and/or books/stories have inspired you to write or influenced your work?

hmmm… I get inspired fairly easily so it’d be hard for me to name anything like that off the top of my head tbh

faulkner: what tropes do you LOVE writing? which ones are your guilty pleasure?

…. Why not ALL the tropes? …okay maybe not ALL of them

o’connor: what tropes/genres do you dislike writing?

Eh, im a p open person to tropes/genres- I mean unless like a trope could count as in, like- “it was all a dream” or “you were the killer all along” or some shit like that, then that type of shit isnt REALLY my cup of tea

dickinson: what insecurities do you have about your own writing? what do you think you should improve on?

There’s a lotta things I think I could improve on, honestly… I think, its not a matter of insecurity really, more so like- no matter who you are, there’s always room for improvements, I think we all improve on things every day, writing, drawing, roleplaying, even simple things- after all, there’s nowhere to really go except forward in life, so I just tend to go with my own flow, and if I improve than I’m happy with that, if I dont? Welp, that just means I still have a bit to go-

playlist: what kind of music/songs help you write? do you have a writing playlist?

oh god I w i s h I was organized enough to fucking- have a writing playlist ashdjshfdsj, it just depends on my mood- sometimes I get distracted by songs tho-

record: have you written things based off of songs? do you like to?

…I wrote one, its a really old one and im not too proud of it, but, people like it apparently so I keep it up since it seems to make em happy and thats what matters in that regard, but nah im not BIG on writing things based off songs

nobel: have you published anything you’ve written? online or irl?

Hmmm not yet, I don’t think I’m ready to physically publish my stories or anything, although my dad does encourage it, he tells me I should find a publisher or whatever and publish some stories (it wouldnt be ones with like- characters from things like camp camp, dream daddy, etc of course- it’d be ones with my own characters)

notepad: can you write anywhere or do you have to be in a specific place and mood to write?

D e f i n i t e l y a specific place and mood, my mood’s totally off and wrong right now and its frustrating bc im trying to write but the body and brain is like no motherfucker, be in pain and hate me more than you already do

parchment: how often do you or your personal life influence your writing?

I dont… know if ANY of my personal life has… influenced my writing? not that I know of anyways

dedication: if you were to publish a book or multiple, who would you dedicate the book(s) to?

I think… I dont know who I’d dedicate the books too or anything-

trope: what’s a pet peeve you have about writing?

…honestly? The one pet peeve I, myself, have with writing is the I/Me POV- now of course its fine if others use it, it could be easier to them, or they simply like it a lot, but I myself, just- cant fucking s t a n d that type of pov

input: what’s something you hate that people say to you about writing/your writing?

Okay- I need to be honest here, bc I get a lot of them, when I constantly state that I only do one shots and not chapter stories but the whole “pls continue” “another part to this please” “Do more of this” that doesnt really make me wanna do more, it makes me wanna move on actually from any of that, like im not about that plz continue, do more!!! type of comments

critic: what’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received about writing?

Oh god I’ve received TONS of good advice from people, especially when it comes to some of the German I use for Henrik, I will admit… I’ve been severely slacking with learning my German, and I…. I deeply regret it tbh, but- I never mind and am actually grateful when someone corrects me when using a word incorrectly in a sentence or whatever

mifflin: what do you feel is your strong suit in writing?

A n g s t

houghton: what’s something you love that people compliment your pieces on?

I love all compliments tbh, I especially love comments on my angst like NO HOW DARE YOU OP, or OP wha t the f uck- my he a r t, or anything like that- …im a sadistic lil gremlin arent I? I love breakin hearts with angst, but like any compliments I receive on my stories are all greatly appreciated, I just most of the time I dont have the time to respond to them, BUT- I do read em, every last one of em-

#evantrash #writer asks

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unwrittenarticles · 5 years ago

Text

Top 50 Songs of 2019

1. Julia Jacklin - Head Alone

Lyricism, pace, snowballing, power, catchiness. Pure catchy and melodic, angelic, lovely, lusty.

2. Cate le Bon - Sad Nudes

Her voice, always, a thing of intelligent beauty.

Interesting subject matter. Reclaiming nudes? Is it sad to take nudes? I feel like it’s empowering but not also. I hate the thought of men requesting nudes. My sister and her peers get this a lot and I don’t like it. It confers power to the voyeur (often deeply unattractive comparatively!)

But then it could be seen as empowering also, if it’s just for yourself taking it. For centuries, people want to see themselves depicted in narrative and photo form - is this what makes us human? Fascinating.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As a tenuous link between Cate’s track and Julia Jacklin, Julia also has a track named ‘Body’ which explores a past relationship. It reflects on a relationship that ends. These next lines are powerful:-

‘I’m not a good woman, when you’re around’ (Cat Power’s - Good Woman also explores this, what defines this? Why do people make us feel like we need to perform the role of a ‘good woman’ - why do we feel bad, if we are angry or negative or depressed? I think says a lot about the social construction of femininity being tied to ‘goodness’ I think it harms us sometimes, comparing ourselves to these ‘selfless’, good women that are also beautiful, hard-working, intellectual, but not too intellectual, and always sensitive to men’s needs over their own.

Back to Julia’s perfect lyrics:-

That’s when the sound came in. I could finally see.

I felt the changing of the seasons // All of my senses, rushing back to me.

Go your own way // Watch me turn my own head.

Eyes on the driver, hands in my lap, heading to the city to get my body back.

I remembered early days // when you took my camera

Turned to me, 23, naked on your bed. Looking straight at ya.

Do you still have that photograph? Would you use it to hurt me? Well I guess it’s just my life and it’s just my body.

I guess it’s just my life, and it’s just my body.

That feeling of intrusion, I can relate to massively. Sometimes you feel alienated by your own body and that it is “just a body”, and that you’re not really valued for anything but your body. I think it’s more of a female experience.

3. Sharon van Etten - Seventeen

Strength, defiance, powerful, connectivity, ageing. Ace lyricss, “I used to be 17, now you’re just like me”. There is such beauty and wisdom in this song, “i see you so uncomfortably alone / I wish I could show you how much you’ve grown” “I used to be 17, I used to be 17.” Love the way she signs “la la la” oh gorgeous simplicity but with this intelligence and edge. “I know what you’re gonna be, I know that you're gonna be” “Afraid you’ll be just like meeeeeeeeee” (Och, sad/sweet/reflection, feeling old but with the responsibility and confidence that comes with it. Sounds a wee bit like Patti Smith on the extended high notes on “meeeeeeeeee” so feisty. How we are all basically that under confident, anxious 17 year old, even when we’ve grown and learnt all these life lessons.

4. Sault - Up All Night

Opening bongo drums and bass, slick and classy, draw you in. Such a catchy tune. “no time for sleep”. Such an exciting weekend song, makes you feel excited. I like the kind of declarative “shut up you need to shut up” entwined with “don’t stop the beat again” I can’t work out if the male vocals are referencing vulvas, if so, hell yes. “And I will walk alone” Such feistiness and catchiness. At around 2 minute 32, it picks up volume into some kind of psychedelic and calediscospic drop that just keeps building and I feel like I am in a 70s movie walking along the pavement, euphoric and bombastic. Then drums again. The drums, vocals and bass are the strength of this track.

5. Faye Webster - Room Temperature

Wonky, sassy, hubby, intelligent, sarcastic, bittersweet breakup sass.

6. Buzzy Lee - Sundown Queen

Purely for the most gorgeous, romantic voiced line of the year:-

“In the seventies, we’d be in love”.

7. Ada Lea - The Party

Another brilliant female vocalist. “Ditch the party, in your beat up truck. You’re always leaving when the night starts”.

Fave line - And the moon was a strange shade of green, orange, was i wrong cause I couldn’t tell the difference at all?

At all, at all, at all.

Stood on the porch, watching you get away.

Second fave line:-

And the night, that night was a pure shade of honest, or something Was I wrong? 'Cause I couldn't tell the difference At all, at all, at all, at all

So it’s kind of like the moon and the night verses, are similar, in tone of voice or enunciation and I really really like this.

8. Grace Ives - Anything

Lovesong, post-modernity. Like a future scape, electronic, tinny, flimsy but with a depth to the writing, also a boom boxy 90s feel.

Rhyming.

Electronic. “Holding hands, silence sigh” “I can’t think of any way to move, I look you in the eye”.

“I’m right here, I wanna love you. I wanna fight”.

“I would do anything, anything, anything to keep you in my life”. (Oh my life)

“That’s the way it’s got to be from now on”.

“I’m gonna talk, I’m trying harder, I’m sleeping less”.

“I would do anything, anything to keep everything above my chest”.

“Chest” it’s the way she says it. Dark, light, sarcastic. Kind of reminds me of Cher or someone with a deeper vocal range.

“That’s the way it’s got to be from now on”.

“Oh that’s the way it’s got to be” (highness, lightness)

That is the way, it’s just the way it’s gotta be (guaranteed to get in your brain all day).

Also, a mention for her song Mirror which is brilliant. It’s like a song we might have heard when we were 13, but so much better and sassier. It has this 90s r+b feel, but is smart and weird, “I think I think about it too much right now, I didn’t know what I was about, I think I finally got it f- figured out”.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Money, move me along

Heart, in the air

Baby, I don’t care

Also another mention for Butterfly

It’s so sexy and her high range is amazing.

9. Ztella - Samba

Do I like samba songs because I spent my late childhood/early adolescence in a dance hall in Bolton doing the samba with various girls from places in Bolton I didn’t know. Yes, I am pre-disposed.

But this song is fine. It’s fit as. Exuberant. Classy. Mid summer evenings. Breezy holidays, sun sea air catching your neck, and making you want to dance.

10. Brijean - Show and Tell

Those hazy female Californian vocals I like so much like Mama Cass. So slick and lovely, also a few 70s funk whistles and synths as the drop comes in.

11. Babii - Seizure

12. Jorge Albrecht - Only Gonna Break Your Heart

Those male/female vocals, laced, layered with back and forth woozy bass, similar to some other songs I like such as Marilyn by Them are Us Two and Soft as snow (but warm inside) by MBV.

13. SASAMI - Pacify my Heart

Classy, sad, melancholic, fresh, zen, neutral, complexity.

14. Weyes Blood - Picture be Better

All the Joni vibes on this record. Sad sad reflection on wanting to be redeemed and seen in a better light. I love her voice, production, depth to the lyrics. I like how her voice is in a lower key than most, lyrics flowing with such intricacy yet also stripped back and melodic.

15. Noname - Song 32

Sweet rhyming style, super feminine and confident flow, so slick tho, could be any male rapper. “I am the Kennedy’s out for lunch” nice reference to history. “Diddy money” oh yes, talking about this commercialisation of rap backed by big business (1 person monopoly). Also, what I like about this track is that it reminds me of being younger and in the summer listening to pop and rap and r&b in the garden, only it’s a kickass female rapper who is smart and funny.

16. Big Thief - Not

So fulfilling to listen to, belting it out and feeling angst.

17. Planet 1999 - Spell

Dream like 90s vibes, lush harmonies are so light and airy and then the bass and drums kick in. So melodic, I feel like I am feminist Barbie listening to this. Beautiful vocals.

18. Lightning Bug - Vision Scraps

Distortion opening, reminiscent of MBV. Sweet hummingbird vocals, laced with distorted guitars. Nice drums. Having to really listen to the words. Break in the distortion at approx 2 minute

19. Carla dal Forno - Dont Follow Me

20. Teen Body - Dreamo

Twin peaks synths and guitars open the song. Lovely MBV drone guitars on the 2 count, lovely, dreamy. Then vocals begin so angelic and beatific, i love it. Could be a much clearer Blinda Butcher vocal. Hazy, woozy, wavey and repeat. Male/Female vox interplay I like, so reminiscent of MBV. MBV being the best archetype. Male vocals, a little too high in pitch to be as good as Kevin Shields, however, still this track is very pleasing. “I could have told you that”

Nice wee break in the track at 3 minute 34 secs.

21. James Massiah - Natural Born Killers (Ride for Me)

Trippy, bubbly, spaceagey, acid vibes, dystopia/utopia cityscapes. Danceable, intelligent and jocular.

22. Sandy - Not There

23. Mount Eerie - Love Without Possession

24. Easter - Muscle

It’s no wonder to me that Easter is a novelist because her word play engulfs you in these romantic, callous, cruel, visceral, trippy, sexual double entendres and European flaneur narratives.

While the (heart) beats are 90s Euro beats but with a finesse and style no one rivals. Also, about the drums and electronic synths - they really punctuate the spoken word lyrics, it feels like a marching band or something - so taut and percussive.

I’m going to eventually write a list of my favourite Easter lyrics and this is such catharsis, they bring me joy. Smart and critical but trippy and fun. Decidedly adult.

“Back to the studio. Holding my crotch. Laying it down”.

“Sadness is an evil gas inside of me”. (I can totally relate).

“like a pack of miniature Russian figure skaters on a suicide mission across the frozen lakes of the world to find true love” Oh my, the imagery, startling and beautiful. Think about also trafficking of Russian women? Is this what she is referring to? Or Russian athletes? Intriguing.

“A future where each pussy gets a puppy when she hits the floor”. What does this even mean? Cats reigning supreme. Women/femininity to be rewarded for action or inaction? Fascinating.

“I fall asleep on these sticky sheets to dream of you and how we’ll meet, again one day to fuck, and eat, and drink and kiss and never sleep”. Holy cow!! Gut punching eroticism and obsession.

25. Okay Kaya - Ascend and Try Again

Great guitar, slow melancholic and then the singing starts which is just gorgeous and reflective.

“Ascend and try again” (I like the lyrics, I want to ascend to be honest).

Her voice feels so comforting with this depth and clarity that shines through.

Definite ear worm you can’t stop singing.

26. Sandy (Alex G) - In My Arms

27. American Football - Every Wave to Every Rise

28. Sleep Over - I don't want to hide

29. Molina - Venus

30. EDDYEVVY - All for Me

31. Fauness - Soon There Will Be No Summer

32. Infinite Bisous - Island

33. Aldous Harding - The Barrel

This song is catchy, but slightly off beat, you don’t know where she’s going to go with it, left-field, jarring. I wasn’t sure about the vocals initially, but each time I listen, I enjoy it.

34. Free Love - Everyone

35. Eartheater - Concealer

36. Hand Habits - Placeholder

37. Erika de Casier - Good Time

38. Aya Gloomy - vs Reality

39. Fee Lion - Re(Visit)

“I love you but I cannot think about you anymore”. Pulsating bass and catchy distorted synths. Vocals are beautiful. “Time to erase our time”. Breakup contemplation. Becomes more intimate yet intense, picks up tempo but vocals are more stripped “I am walking alone, feeling fine on my own”. REPEAT. Pertinent. More explained. “I knew you, oh how I knew you, oh. I kne-ew you (lovely enunciation” Can we really stake claim to having known someone once?

“All I have is time, time to erase our time”. When you just want to erase someone so much and it takes a long time because the way you think is so merged with that person.

Ultimate power track. Deriving power. Gaining strength.

“Feeling fine”. One last declaration of strength.

40. Equip - Shop (New Inventory!)

This is the song I want to soundtrack my weekly shop so I can imagine being a vaporwave, nintendo or anime character going about the shops, similar to kick ass Negative Gemini, but instead I will reconcile I am a boring nerd (while listening to sick beats, yo!)

41. Pearly - Too me

Self-composed/self-control

Post-rock with Julee Cruise angel vocals I love.

42. Mount Kismet - Teenage Fantasy

43. Prince Rama - F.A.T.E. bought us together

44. Space Drum Machine - The Mauskovic Dance Band

Infectious, brilliant sitar sounds and synths, makes me want to dance. Light, breezy, melodic holiday song that sweeps along at pace.

45. Ariana Grande - Ghosting

Such a sad melody and lyricism, that sounds cinematic its perfection. Woozy synths and sirens, that engage the listener straight away.

“I know you hear me when I cry

I try to hold in the night”

Sadness, her voice is stunning.

“Baby you’re doing so well” Her voice. Oh so beautiful.

“We’ll get through this, we’ll get past this, I’m a girl with - a whole lot of baggage” (I can identify).

I dunno what this song is about - a couple becoming stronger

The strings, the synths becoming more orchestral.

‘I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again”.

46. Lana del Rey - California

I could have put any track off Normal Fucking Rockwell to be fair as her songs are ace.

47. Elena Setien/Mary Lattimore - Wreckage of the hunt

Beautiful harp offsets beautiful vocals. Lovely and classy.

48 Blue Hawaii - All that Blue

“Give me sunshine too, oh yeah”.

49. Xavibo and Aleesha - Last Call

Best line “some drunk cop might pull me over’. I like how American people are contextualising this in regards to people of colour being pulled over by inept cops. Worrying it still happens though. I guess as well, you wouldn’t really expect a hyper feminine female pop track to be referring to this though - which is great.

50. Automatic - Calling It.

Nice drums and guitars, kind of 60s sounding, building and building. Then female sass vocals, loud and joyous. “Emotions always out of reach”. The guitars have this throbbing kind of swagger I also like on a track by Maraudeur named ‘Computer Dreams’.

“A picture of your changing face / To hold it all together”.

What I like is the merging of guitars with synths to make these future/retro narratives that are existential and narrative based.

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sugaabooga · 7 years ago

Text

The Holiday Ghost

Pairing: Kim Jaehwan x Reader

Genre: fluff, little angst?, bullet scenario, ghost!Jaehwan

Word Count: 3.2k

Summary/Extra: MERRRRRRRYYY CHRISTMAAAAASSSSS!!! Part of the Christmas Packages:) thought i should start posting the writings ive finished even tho a lot of the kpop fandom has been through hard times last week! i’ve also extended this holiday thing until the end of my winter break, January 8th. ENJOY!

So you’ve never really been a fan of horror movies

But one day in the middle of December, winter break, your friends Jihoon and Woojin suggest the three of you watch the new horror movie that had recently came out

That was the worst decision you have ever made in your whole entire life

You couldn’t walk back home alone and made both the boys walk you

But either way it was scary

bc they wouldn’t stop scaring you!!!

“Y-Y/N….”

“STOPPPPP!!”

“THERE’S SOMETHING BEHIND YOU!”

And they would start sprinting down the sidewalk and leave you to stand alone in the flickering street light

You almost burst into tears

Jihoon and woojin felt really bad after you had a near panic attack

so Jihoon ends up walking in front of you and woojin walks behind you

b4 they leave they remind you that it’s not real and ghosts don’t exist

Blah blah blah

Their little assurance somewhat calms you

BUT YOU REALIZE YOUR PARENTS AREN’T HOME

IT’S LATE WHY AREN’T THEY HOMEEEEE

DID THEY DIE!? IF YOU GO IN THE BATHROOM WILL THEY BE LAYING THERE!?

you start running around the house and turn on every single light you have

you know you shouldn’t, but you really don’t wanna risk seeing a dark shadow in the mirror as you brush your teeth then be led to your death, so you don’t even step a meter near the bathroom

you change in the corner of your room so nothing would be able to stand behind you

You walk backwards into your bed then create a little house around your head with all your stuffed animals

you somehow fall asleep despite the feeling you had of someone watching you

But during the middle of the night you hear soft strumming of the guitar

At first you think that it must be your next door neighbor, Joshua playing his little morning warm-up

Then you see the time from your half opened eyes and holy shiz it’s only 2am

you start to hyperventilate and you can’t even close your eyes

Bc what if the killer ghost is hovering right above you when you choose to open them again

You can’t risk it

the strums come closer and closer to your window

and you feel yourself sweating more and your breathing becomes ragged

but then you hear humming of a soft, light tune

it makes you think back to third grade, first day of school

you remember a kid who always brought a ukulele to school

tbh you had a crush on that boy, but you couldn’t remember his name

he always sat with you whenever you mom was late to pick you up and he would play a short theme song like from a popular cartoon

his songs always assured you that your mom was coming to pick you up soon

and it helped you forget all the bullies and frights you had

the song that you were hearing rn was oddly familiar and it comforted you

The strums were nowhere near creepy, surprisingly and the hums lulled you back to sleep

When you wake up in the morning, you hear guitar strums again

your heart beats erratically but then you realize

The sun’s out

Which means

It’s bright and daytime

Which meanss

NO GHOSTS

Which meanssss

It was your cute neighbor joshua hong playing his guitar and singing with his heavenly voice

You just lay in your bed after opening your window a bit more so you can hear him sing

But then you realize….

It wasn’t joshua’s voice

Joshua had a softer, gentler voice

This voice was soft and gentle….

But there was strong emotion put into each word sung

way more emotion than a morning warm up

you slowly get up and peek out your window to see…

Nothing

You notice that the singing and guitar stopped as well

you slump back into your bed then think back to the horror movie from yesterday

It couldn’t be….

A GHOST!?!!?!?

You start screaming and crying at the same time when the scenes from the movie come rushing into your brain

You hear footsteps come up the stairs and you start screaming even louder

But stop when you see that it’s just your mom

“WHAT’S GOING ON!? IS EVERYTHING OKAY!?”

“MOOOOMMMMM!!! I THINK OUR HOUSE IS HAUNTEDDD!!”

cue your mom hitting your back and yelling at you

“I THOUGHT SOMETHING HAPPENED!”

“SOMETHING DID HAPPEN! I HEARD A GHOST SINGING!”

that just makes your mom even more mad

her slaps just drive you out of bed and you soon find yourself sitting out on your porch

You were currently rubbing your hands over your arms

bc it was FREAKIN cold

you couldn’t believe your mom had kicked you out of the house in the middle of December

you’re muttering to yourself how cold it is then you see a guy with a guitar slung over his shoulder walking down the sidewalk and across the street about to pass by your home

He seemed to be in a good mood

humming and all

but something just seemed off about him

he was rather….. pale

like transparent pale

you’re kinda worried bc what if this guy was rlly sick or something and he didn’t know about it bc he seemed to be in a good mood

“Hey!”

You yell from your chair and wave your arms

he turns to you and stares at you for a bit then keeps walking

you’re like “uh wut?”

you go down the steps and you honestly don’t even know what you’re doing

your feet were moving on their own

you felt like you had to help this person

“Excuse me?”

you call out, but the guy DOES NOT STOP WALKING

could he not hear?

you jog up behind him and reach your hand out to tap him

but

your hand goes through him

“AHHHH!”

the guy suddenly whips around in shock and looks at you with an equally bewildered look

you’re frozen on the spot

you can’t move no matter how creepy the situation is rn

“d-do you see me?” he almost whispers

“n-no”

He just starts laughing and it freaks the hell outta you

What kind of psychotic laugh was that!?

You felt shivers run up and down your spine as he tried to calm himself down

you slowly try to step away from him but Jaehwan does that creepy, nervous, cute looking smile

like do you know what smile im talking about

and he asks you “where are you going?”

your mind’s just going ‘GTFO GGTTFFOO”

you attempt to turn around and run, but you just fall flat on your face

How comedic would this look from your window?

“Are you okay?”

“STOP DON’T COME NEAR ME!”

tbh jaehwan is disheartened at your tone

He was ecstatic that someone could finally see him, but now they were getting scared bc of him

He just ignores those feelings and nervously chuckles

you don’t hear anything for a while and you start to stand up

then you hear music

Those guitar strums

that voice

Both those factors reminded you of that one boy who played to you

you frantically look around, but you couldn’t seem to see anything

then, you spot that ghost guy from earlier

he was sitting on the side of your house, leaned against the wall

If jaehwan remembered anything about humans, it was that they seemed to calm down when there was music

you slowly walk over to him, your feet making crunching noises on the fresh snow

You just stand across from him listening to his voice

when he stops you look at him in surprise and disappointment

“Why’d you stop playing?”

Jaehwan smirks

“You seemed pretty calm enough”

he stands up to take his leave

“Y-You’re voICE IS NICE!”

you’re still kinda creeped out about the fact that he’s a ghost AND WHY ARE YOU SEEING HIM!?!!?

but he just had this familiar comforting feel

you stop him by reaching out for his arm when he merely smiles at your compliment and starts to walk away from you

then remember he’s a frkn ghost

but as you retract your arm you feel the cloth of his jacket

0o0o0o0o000o0o0o0

why were you able to touch him!?!!

Jaehwan can feel after all these years

More like a few months but

“ARE YOU MY SOULMATE!?!?!”

Kim jaehwan plz

you’re like “bro wtf?”

he proceeds to explain how if a human can see him and touch him, he gets a chance to go to the afterworld

for some odd reason, jaehwan was rejected bc he had someone in the real world who wasn’t ready to let him go

This usually wasn’t a problem but the wanting of his presence was REALLLLLYYYY STRONG

So he had to stay in the human world until he found that human and spent three weeks with them to convince them to let him go

“Are you saying it’s me?”

“There’s really no one else who could touch me”

He honestly didn’t know why you were able to touch him

Let alone SEE him

but he felt like you were the owner of that strong, unseen force of wanting his presence

you’re really confused tho bc you’ve never seen him b4

“IM JAEHWAN!”

he suddenly blurts then grins

“....y/n…”

and like JAEHWAN REMEMBERS YOU

You were that one girl who he always played his ukulele for in elementary school!

he had once seen you cry bc you’re mom was running really late and he walked home so he stayed an extra twenty minutes just singing and playing until you cracked a smile

But maybe you weren’t that girl bc he knew at least two other ppl named y/n

Anyways

he doesn’t mention that he may or may not know you and just follows you into your home

by then your mom is calmed down from this morning

there’s already a plate of pancakes set on the table for you

Jaehwan takes a tour around your home while you eat

You finish eating then hear his laugh again

You temporarily forgot there was a ghost in your home, so you freaked but then

“Right… jaehwan”

After you wash the dishes you go up to your room but jaehwan’s already in there

WEARING A FRKN BRA

you clamp your hand over your mouth so you don’t scream from the shock, but instead, you start laughing

“I WISH I COULD TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU RN!”

you’re literally on the ground and Jaehwan just smiles at you and sits on your bed

STILL IN YOUR BRA

“STOP TOUCHING IT!”

it’s only been a few hours of spending time w/Jaehwan in your room

but you feel like you’ve known him for years

he told you about the day his first tooth fell out all the way to the last time he was still existing

you had shed some tears during his talk about his death and what he had felt when he saw the car barreling towards him

soon, a week passed

It was Christmas

You open up your presents

You had asked for a guitar and there it was

You honestly had NO KNOWLEDGE about guitars whatsoever, but the instrument always caught your eye

But ya know

Jaehwans a pro at guitar

So he basically teaches you the basics and helps you get started

You bond even quicker bc of the guitar lessons

And seriously

You never realized you would be best friends with a ghost

Christmas passed by really quickly with Jaehwan hanging out w/you all the time

his presence was always comforting

butttt a lot of your relatives prob thought you were crazy from giggling out of the blue and appearing to talk to yourself

you wanted to tell jihoon and woojin about jaehwan but you couldn’t find the time to meet them during the break

Soon it’s December 31st

third week

Jaehwan had mentioned his past b4

Especially he was now 99% sure that you were the one not letting him go after seeing, from your pictures, that you WERE that girl from like 14 years ago

you didn’t even realize that you were holding on to him from leaving this world

you didn’t even know that you were always missing that one kid in elementary school, who always managed to put a smile on your face and brighten up your day

you now knew that you were the one keeping Jaehwan from leaving to where he belonged

behind the Heaven gates

you kept putting it behind

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow…in three days…. next week….”

until it was New Year’s Eve

10:05pm

You were sitting out on Ong Seongwoo’s empty patio w/Jaehwan

Ong Seongwoo - a freakishly rich dude that somehow became friends with Jihoon and Woojin despite the four year age gap

Seongwoo had thrown a New Year’s Eve party

there were mostly college kids, but a few high schoolers from jihoon and woojin’s dance team were also invited were at this party

You have no idea how you were at this party, but woojin had insisted you come

you had spent some time talking with some of the dancers’ girlfriends and with Jihoon and woojin, but decided to get some fresh air bc the loud music and smell of alcohol was too much

Jaehwan hadn’t come with you even tho he begged to come as long

you wanted jaehwan to stay home

Just in case you did something completely embarrassing

but one thing you should know

don’t ever trust kim jaehwan

Especially when he’s a ghost

you were just gazing out into the night sky when you saw a glowing figure

you were about to freak out

BC ANOTHER GHOST!? JAEHWAN WAS ALREADY A HANDFUL

but then you saw that it was just Jaehwan

the ghost that you had somehow fell in love with

You really wished he was a person

As jaehwan spent more and more time w/you

the less and lesser you would be able to tap his shoulder, give him a small hug, or even high five him

It was like the very first time you tried to tap his shoulder, the first time you met

your fingers just went through him

you knew that you couldn’t let go of him

you missed his presence whenever you would wake up and not see him there on the floor, gazing blankly at the ceiling

Jaehwan was prob just lowkey stalking your other neighbor, Hwang Minhyun

I mean he still couldn’t believe someone could be so…..

clean

anyways

you don’t think you would be able to live without him

but that was just your selfish desires

You knew the longer jaehwan spent his time in the real world, the more dangerous it would become for him

Jaehwan would be turned into a human, but obviously he had to experience another death since he’s not supposed to be alive

but if that happened, he wouldn’t even get a chance to go to trial to go to Heaven

you didn’t want that

you would rather miss him for a bit then see him again in the form of an angel

so you decide to let him go at exactly 12am, January 1st of the new year

when jaehwan appears, he already knows you made up your mind

he could just tell from your eyes

both the sadness and determination

“Y/N?”

“Yes, Jaehwan?”

“I’m sorry I forgot I was a ghost the other day and tried to carry your guitar.”

you chuckle at his belated apology

“No worries”

The two of you spend the rest of the time talking about the three weeks you’ve spent together

it felt like you had been with him for years

Before you know it, it’s 11:58pm

ppl inside are already starting the countdown

Two minutes b4 the new year since seongwoo’s like that

Both of you know you’re running out of time

and you just suddenly break down in tears

you became so attached to the ghost in front of you in a matter of three weeks

It was like fate had brought you two together after he had died and give you the time to grow love for one another just to break you apart again

sure, it was only three weeks

But you already knew that you would be willing to spend the rest of your entire life with him

You had literally seen all sides of jaehwan

The good sides, the bad sides, the funny sides, the broken sides

“I love you, Y/N”

you look up in surprise

You were half expecting to be like

“AHhAHhahHAHkakkjakH LOVE YOUUUU”

And joke about it but

nope

you look in his eyes and you know he’s not joking around this time

your eyes were still half-filled w/tears, so you quickly rub them away in order so you can see jaehwan properly

But he’s fading away

WHY WAS HE FADING AWAY?

Jaehwan steps closer to you and you can actually feel… body heat?

you missed being able to actually physically touch jaehwan

he sadly smiles and all you see in his eyes are tears and genuinity

“I love you”

you hear the loud cheers of the people inside counting down from ten to finally celebrate the new year that will bring new New Year Resolutions and fresh starts

The countdown slowly fades away as you see the space between you and Jaehwan grow smaller and smaller

Just as you close your eyes and feel a light touch on your lips,

“ONEEEE WHOOOP!!!”

You hear cheers grow the loudest they’ve ever been that night

The touch…..

it’s gone

Jaehwan….

is gone

After Jaehwan just disappears into thin air, everything else is a blur

You remember woojin coming out to find you squatted down on the ground, about to cheer how it was the new year, but instead sees your face in your hands, and tears streaming down your face

he knew better than to ask what was wrong

he immediately takes you home and wishes you a Happy New Year and leaves a light, shy kiss on your forehead

if you hadn’t met jaehwan in the duration of your winter break, you prob would’ve been bursting with happiness rn

You had always had a small crush on woojin

but obviously it all changed when you had seen jaehwan

Instead, you offer a small smile, thank him for being such a supportive friend and bid him a safe walk back home

you trudge back into your room and fall face flat onto your bed

you want to cry

and…. you do

But as you struggle to calm down and get up to wash your face and move on with your life….

you hear a tiny crinkling of paper

you look over, confused and see a small piece of paper sticking out from the first fret of your guitar, fluttering from the wind that was being let in from your slightly open window

with trembling hands, you open it up and let some more tears fall

happy tears

“Merry New Year’s, Y/N! Don’t miss me too much. :P Move on with your life. Don’t forget about me though! I still want some attention you know lol (i used that slang word! Lol keke I saw it when you were texting that friend of yours lol) Thanks for letting me go. I will never forget you and all the things we’ve been through even though it’s been only three weeks. lol…

I love you. - Kim Jaehwan”

as you struggle to keep in your tears and not roll his eyes at his overuse of the “slang” word ‘lol’ you notice something falling out from the small note he had left

you crouch down and pick it up from the floor to see

his guitar pick

#and from the distance you can hear the laugh of kim jaehwan #thx for reading #wanna one #wanna one scenarios #wanna one bullet #kim jaehwan #wanna one jaehwan #wanna one au #jaehwan au #Ghost!AU #wanna one ghost #ghost!Jaehwan #wanna one fluff #jaehwan fluff #jaehwan angst #wanna one angst #and of course #rest in peace jonghyun #hope you are in a happier place

38 notes · View notes

rtcessays · 7 years ago

Text

essay 5

it spills from your skin

If you’re interested in the explicit, this is the place for you. If you’re not, feel free to skip this essay. Our first installment involves Lise’s explanation that this is in posting order, not chronological, so we will happily play hopscotch as we enjoy. Written as a tumblr challenge, each chapter title will inform us what we will be encountering. In chapter three, we notably make a stop at ‘first time’, with the author’s clarification that we’ll be dealing with penetrative sex. One thing to appreciate about the writing itself is the distinct voice and quality we’ve become accustomed to is deliciously continued throughout the thread of these installments. That is not always the case when we go from plot and character development to steamy bedroom scenes.

We run into some trouble in chapter 7:

Loki’s chest heaved once, and Steve felt suddenly unsure.

"—Loki," he said, carefully, but Loki’s hand loosened in his hair and slid back.

"Go," he said, and his voice was definitely rough now. "Don’t you dare - not now-" His hips bucked up into Steve’s hand, and his legs came up and locked around Steve’s back, pulling him closer, his heels digging in.

Its a flicker, barely enough to notice. Why did Steve feel unsure, and what was it that Steve saw to make him that way? Loki was no help, though, insisting they need not be interrupted. Not much later, Steve included just a bit of pain, and it clearly sparked something in Loki. What that was, though, remains a mystery at this point.

A scarce written kink, telepathy sex, is almost perfect for both Steve and Loki. Of course, Steve is at a public function when chapter 8 starts to ramp up. Its all in good humor, and you almost feel bad for Steve, were it not for his enjoyment of the thing. Chapter 10 finds a needy Loki and a leisurely Steve. That neediness quick takes an interesting turn:

But this didn’t hurt, and his [Loki’s] entire body was pulsing with powerful need and his cock was hard and leaking despite hardly having been touched. There was a fluttery feeling like panic in his chest.

"I don’t want to hurt you," Steve said, quietly, and a large part of Loki wanted to howl you’re hurting me now. But it was good, so good, so damned good that he couldn’t bear it, it was too much, too intense, too - he panted, raggedly, straining between Steve’s hand and his cock, too much not enough, breaking open between them.

There is something brewing within Loki and his desperate need for more, for harder and faster and manic, almost. Steve seems somewhat oblivious.

A brief foray into D/s elements in chapter 11 is something of a gift for Loki. He clearly loves it, coming apart for his captain easily. One thing that becomes clear about Loki is hi penchant for the verbose is as much of a sexual characteristic as it is out of the bedroom. And, Steve enjoys it deeply. It’s something of a theme that’s touched on throughout these installments.

"What are you planning," Steve asked, not quite in accusation.

Its a question Steve poses to Loki on more than one occasion. Understandably, Loki seems to always have plans when it comes to sex with Steve. But, it does bely his needing to have a sense of control as much as it’s a sampling of his personality staying true even in intimate settings. If you’re a fangirl of this work like I am (did I just give myself away?) the ending of chapter 13 will make you squeal in delight:

"All right," he mumbled. "Just a couple hours." He felt good. Relaxed. At ease. The words just slipped out of him. "I love you."

The world was rapidly receding, and he didn’t hear Loki’s reply.

Chapter 15 starts with tension. Angst. Turns out Steve had been out of touch due to, you know, being Captain America sometimes, and Loki has been left to fret. It’s a scene that makes Loki more relatable, more approachable. Even a god is not immune to things such as grief and doubt. But we’re quickly reminded he’s...well, basically a god.

"For the past twenty-four hours I have been engaged in an internal debate regarding how best to tear your realm apart to find your killer," Loki said, his voice perfectly flat. Steve felt a shiver crawl down his spine.

Or at least, powerful. Loki’s going along with things, mostly out of a desire to be near to Steve, but at times we forget who we are dealing with.

Steve realizes its fear that spurs Loki into action, kissing his captain messy and frantic. Their coupling is sweet and everything they seem to need to mend Loki’s now unbroken heart. Still there is a dose of reality as we wind down: "Good," Loki said, still sounding blurry, exhausted. "I can’t - not now. I’ve lost enough."

Steve’s heart hurt, but he shifted slightly so he could slide his arms around Loki. Even knowing it wasn’t a promise he could make, he still said it. “You’re not going to lose me.”

Moving forward, Loki is allowed some time with Steve outside of his ‘cage’. Almost immediately we see Loki’s self hatred.

"Are you ashamed?" he asked, and heard his own voice slide a little too close to something too revealing. Steve gave him a sharp look and shook his head.

"No," he said at once, vehemently, though Loki still felt a cautious twinge. I wouldn’t blame you if you were.

Its heartbreaking, but there’s realism in there, too. Steve was an Avenger, after all, and was practically fraternizing with the enemy with a hall-pass from the rest of the team. Even after risque sexual acts, Loki is self-depricating.

You don’t deserve this, a little voice at the back of his mind reminded him. Pretend all you like. But look at him. He’ll see it eventually.

Loki pushed the thought away. Probably, yes. But until then…he would take what he could have.

The threaded theme through many of these installments is the mystery of what is going on under Loki’s surface. From the end of chapter 17: Steve flushed, and if there was warm wave of relief that went through him at the absence of that feral, frantic edge from Loki’s eyes, it didn’t quite wash away the feeling underneath that something had happened and he didn’t know what it was.

The next chapter leads us to a scene that takes place after reflected in someone like me, wherein Loki helps the avengers take down Amora and gets kissed by Steve...and then some. It is the next morning and Loki wakes to Steve’s sleeping form. It is a sweet scene, one that stands out especially in the context of the previous day. Up next, Loki whisks Steve away after an incident while fighting. There’s a bright little nugget for the reader.

"You know that’s not what I’m talking about. They’re going to see it as…you thinking you can just ignore the rules when you feel like it."

Loki smiled, and it felt a little too wide. “I can, can’t I?”

One can easily picture that smile. A little toothy maybe, and certainly Loki’s equivalent as a smile for the cameras; you can picture Tom Hiddleston as Loki absolutely perfectly.

Chapter 19 is a divergence from the theme of this part of RTC. Again, Loki extracts Steve from peril, and while they argue, nothing ultimately seems to be resolved. Loki ends the scene imagining that its almost simply only a matter of time until this unravels and he loses Steve, though not in as many words. Steve, in the next part, admits to what is essentially a predilection for the sound of Loki’s voice. It’s come up here and there previously, and...well, no one can really blame Steve. Loki gets vivid, graphic even, and it ends unexpectedly sweet.The sweetness of chapter 22 is in Steve’s bashfulness, and Loki’s rare delight. Its a passionate coupling, to be sure, one for the sketchbooks. There’s an interesting moment in the following chapter:

"Are you offering because you feel that otherwise you will not have reciprocated appropriately?" Loki asked, bluntly, and he felt Steve start.

"—what? No, that’s not-" Steve sounded almost indignant. "—you seem to like it," he said, shifting toward stubborn, and Loki opened his eyes to see that look on his face. "I’d like to try it."

Loki gave him a long, slow look. There was a slight flush in Steve’s cheeks, but his mouth was set and his eyes were almost determined, and that expression made his blood warm. You’re not ashamed? He almost wanted to ask, but he suspected that would open a door he didn’t want opened.

(It would be too difficult to explain - everything, from there.)

There’s a vulnerability here that Steve doesn’t realize he touched on, Loki’s far too good at keeping things off his face. Loki at least considers saying as much, but ultimately decides against it. A character as guarded as Loki still needs a richness to him and the author does it here quite well. After Steve’s first time bottoming…

"Wow," Steve mumbled, after a few moments of silence, sounding a little dazed. "I think I…I think I need a minute." Loki could feel his softening cock sliding in his own come and didn’t want to pull out, wanted to stay like this and just have a moment to think mine.

He kissed Steve’s shoulder, open-mouthed, and thought I love you as hard as he dared, but couldn’t say it, still. Not yet. Not just yet. Chapter 24 is a turn from the rampantly satisfying smut. This chapter warnings for some implied/discussed self-harm, body dysphoria, internalized racism...you know, all that fun stuff. Please be aware that this section of the essay may include discussions of the above.

Steve finds bloodied glass pieces in the bathroom Steve swallowed the lump in his throat. “Loki,” he said, slowly. “Are you…in there?” Silence, and Steve felt the first flutter of panic. What had happened? "I need you to say something. You’re worrying me." He shouldn’t have left, Steve thought guiltily, he should have stayed and made sure…

"I am here. I am fine. Get out." Loki’s voice sounded strained, and Steve’s stomach churned uneasily.

Eventually Loki opens the door, Steve finding him in his Jotun form for the first time. Steve is, well, he’s Steve about it.

Loki fell still, chest rising and falling rapidly. He didn’t step toward Steve, though. His eyes were wide, but after a moment he rearranged his features into a sneer. “You needn’t hide your disgust. Are you not - repulsed?”

Steve felt a pang, and shook his head, slow but firm. “No,” he said, and met Loki’s eyes, was able to say with honesty, “It’s a surprise, but I still think you’re beautiful.”

Loki is upset nonetheless. Steve shows him how serious he is about his claim on Loki’s beauty, though we certainly don’t expect it to stick. Loki is too self-deprecating for that. While that is a common theme, there are scenes throughout that easily counterbalance it, leaving these thirty chapters more than just gratuitous smut. Its beauty, hard and ugly at times, but there’s a strength in Steve and Loki that, when combined, is absolutely spellbinding.

In a repeating theme, Steve knocks on Loki’s door to someone other than Loki; or so it seems. A woman answers, but Steve figures it out quickly. It turns out to be something of an anniversary surprise. Steve is uncomfortable throughout, but when he sees Loki’s smile, he knows it's just Loki.

Our next chapter is a throwback to ‘disarm’. Loki is in the throes of a dream, or perhaps some kind of psychosis, (or a magical creation) between hiding places. It is a brutal fantasy, full of a glimmer of dark!Steve, or at least, how Loki imagined Steve would have to be to want him. It is brutal to imagine how much pain and fear there must be inside of Loki to picture Steve in such a way.

There are elements of the underneath going on in chapter 28.

“A little danger. Why else would you take up with me in the first place?” Steve felt a twinge and wanted suddenly to object, but then Loki hummed into his skin and he lost the thought. “Knowing all the risks…”

This was important, though, and Steve pushed the words out. “Because I know you can be better!”

He felt Loki stiffen, but only for a moment, and then he laughed and his hands slid away from Steve’s wrists. He couldn’t move them, though, Steve realized, and felt a rush of mingled arousal and just a touch of nerves. It was so easy to forget sometimes how powerful Loki was but he was still…

"Better than what?" Loki said, with that playful, dangerous amusement Steve remembered from their earliest days, and then his fingers were sliding down over Steve’s chest, following the center line of his body. "I’ve been good enough for you, haven’t I?" He bent his head and slid down a little, lowered his mouth and flicked his tongue against the bud of one of Steve’s nipples. "Perhaps a little convincing?"

Steve sucked in a breath. “I’m not that corruptible,” he said, sweating, still feeling self-conscious.

Its Loki’s claim of being convincing, however you know the ruse is up. There’s no pretending here, even Steve ignores the comment. To Loki, though, its possible he’s convincing himself.

Our final chapter starts with some bondage. The vulnerabilities of it creep up until Loki demands a kiss.

Loki felt himself stiffen, his breath snagging. Something almost like panic fluttered wildly in his chest, but then Steve dropped his mouth again, fastened his lips to Loki’s bared throat and sucked in slow, firm tugs, each drawing blood up to the surface of his skin, each pull answered down between his legs. He tugged against the bonds again, but they didn’t give. His heart was starting to pound, and-

Steve’s hands slid up and wrapped around his biceps. “Let it go,” he said lowly, and Loki fell perfectly still. “Trust me.” His body was close and warm over Loki’s, not quite pressing down against him. “Let me - take care of you.”

Let it go. His thoughts shifted, realigned. You’re helpless. There’s nothing you can do but ride it.

He felt suddenly, perfectly weightless.

Easily, Steve works his body. He works Loki into heated want, and promises to take care of him with more than just words. The undercurrent of of Loki’s tension, pain, and need comes to a satisfying close. "That’s it," Steve said, though his voice sounded shaky now, too. "Just…" Loki wasn’t going to last long at all. His cock jutted out, steel-hard and thought rapidly being subsumed by need. Steve moved again, as promised, this thrust longer but just as slow, and then again, need building and building.

"Steve!" Loki cried, and he felt the quiver of Steve’s body over him.

"Just feel it," Steve said. "Just feel it and let go," and his body moved in one more long, slow, thrust, deeper than before, his fingers curling gently around Loki’s cock.

He was gone. His eyes slammed shut and orgasm shuddered through him, and he was overwhelmed, almost swept away, but it truly felt like release.

He wrapped his legs around Steve’s hips to keep his cock inside him, his hips rocking to pull Steve over the edge as well, until it was just the two of them, tangled together in the fading afterglow.

Happy Valentines Day :)

#rtc essays #stoki #frostshield #remember this cold #veliseraptor #buffy scribbles #fanwork

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sopewriters · 7 years ago

Text

First and Last | 02

First and Last: 01

Pairing: Hoseok X Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, smut; Business!AU

Word Count: 7.3K

Warning (s): Hints of emotional abuse, child neglect, self-worth issues; dirty talk, slight degradation, light D/s (praise kink returns), squirting (?) but overall pretty casual.

Note: This series is a trainwreck waiting to happen. On the bright side, there definitely is a part 3 coming out, tho I don’t know how long it’ll be :)

“Hoseok.” He straightens up to face the man at the desk with cool eyes, “You’ve disappointed me, once again.”

His neck prickles in discomfort as he tugs lightly at the collar of his shirt, but he offers nothing more than that. The dismissal stings, of course it does, but Hoseok has gotten to the point where he’s, in fact, used to not being good enough.

The stigma follows him wherever he goes; his own personal raincloud. It doesn’t help that he sees the very same things he struggles to do being exuberantly completed by his brothers. He loves them very much, even though they don’t have the same mother, and he knows that they, too, love him, but still. It hurts, aches inside of him, when he can’t reach their level, when his Father doesn’t find him to be worth it.

Jung Hoseok. The middle child. It’s not all that it’s cracked up to be, being one of the heirs to the biggest manufacturer in the country. Especially not when he’s plucked aside in favor of Yoongi and Jungkook; the formidable eldest, and the zealously talented youngest. He sometimes sees their point too; what’s to like about Jung Hoseok, boring middle child?

And when he found you, so eager and so willing to please, so soft and kind…even you were like the rest. And that has hurt him more than he could ever tell. He knows that Yoongi’s noticed it, his elder brother being unusually soft on him, but it hurts that he needs his pity now, among everything else. Useless.

“—Are you even listening to me?” His father’s voice cuts in through his thoughts, and Hoseok jolts slightly, before whispering a small ’yes, sir’ that the man probably doesn’t like anyway.

Sure enough, the man sighs, annoyance poking at his normally hard, masked features.

“You should learn from your brothers,” He spits out, walking to the door, before firing his parting shot, “Sometimes, I wonder if I chose the wrong woman.”

The door drifts shut, and only the silence remains.

Hoseok can feel the tears springing forth, the premature stinging at his eyes a dead giveaway, but he bites his lip, forcing himself to hold them back. He can’t prevent a small sob from escaping his throat, as what he said sinks in. He…really hates himself sometimes.

At the door, Jung Jungkook watches with sad eyes, a steely resolve beginning to form in him at the sight. He’s going to fix this…and who better to figure out the problem from, than Yoongi?

“I messed up, Jimin.” You say dully into the phone, a couple of days later, taking in a shuddering breath, “I…I messed up so bad.”

“Y/N, you’re not making any sense.” Jimin’s voice sounds strained over the line, “You’ve got to work with me…what happened? What did you mess up?”

“I met Jung Hoseok.” You whisper, and he makes a sound of confusion.

“Isn’t that a good thing? Did you get your interview?”

“Jimin, I,” You shake your head, “I can’t explain this over the phone.”

You’re sitting on the tattered couch in your tiny little apartment, clutching at your phone with shaking, trembling fingers. Jimin sighs through the phone, and the worry is evident in his voice, even as he says, “Alright, I’ll be there soon.”

“You…had sex with him.” Jimin deadpans, and you nod sadly, “And you decided to…not write the article, but Hoseok found out about your profession and cut things off even before they started.”

You’ve been holding back tears this entire time, but when Jimin says it like that, it sounds pitiful. You sniffle, as the waterworks begin, and Jimin freezes, before softening and holding out his arms. You burrow yourself into them, fingers grasping weakly at his knitted sweater as he rubs your back soothingly.

“I messed up.” You sob, not for the first time, “I should’ve told him in the first place!”

“You were only doing your job,” Jimin reminds you gently, “You know that. Besides, Boss accepted the write-up you gave him about the general event.”

That’s true. You spent the past few days writing and re-writing an article, pieced together entirely from your shady memory. The Boss, in one his kinder moments, assured you that your name won’t be on the by-line—it’ll be anonymous, instead—but it doesn’t do much to quell the guilt inside you.

“But that doesn’t matter!” You snap, before sighing at the surprised look in his eyes, “Sorry, it’s…it’s just…I miss him, so much.”

“But you literally just met him!” Jimin exclaims, shock aggravated on his usually docile features, “It’s not like you’ve even had a single date!”

“Which is why it makes no sense, I know.” You wipe some of the tears from your eyes, “And I’ve been crying non-stop for the past few days or so, because it feels like I’m missing something.”

You look at Jimin, placing a hand to your chest, “Something here.”

“Oh, Y/N.” He sighs, making you start crying all over again, and pulls you into a tighter embrace, “He’s just another guy, right? You need to pull yourself together, find someone else.”

You nod to him but, deep down inside, know that he’s not just another guy. That it might as well be impossible to find someone better in your entire lifetime.

But all of that goes unsaid.

Hoseok is at his desk.

The furnishings are simple, not elaborate how he knows Jungkook likes them, and not overtly modern like Yoongi’s. His appears more like a classic study, with the cherry wood desk, two chairs across it, and rows of files behind him. Being the Director of the HR department, he has access to the files of every employee, though most of them are protected in the computer system. It’s only the higher ups who have physical files to their names.

Even as he works, though, Hoseok’s mind drifts, as it has been wont to for the past few days. His chest still aches with phantom pangs of hurt, as he wonders why on earth he gets attached so quickly. It’s always been a weakness, and it seems it will never change. He wishes he never met you, then immediately backtracks. He doesn’t regret meeting you. He just…wishes things were different, Wishes that he were stronger. Better.

He looks up in surprise when Jungkook enters, eyebrows instinctively flying up. Jungkook hardly ever visits him at the office, nor does Yoongi. In fact, the three of them make it a point not to see each other at work because of how weird it would be.

“Jungkook, what’re you doing here?” He asks, frowning in concern, “Is something wrong?”

“No, it’s nothing like that, hyung.” Jungkook reassures, shutting the door behind him, leaving just the two of them privy to the conversation at hand, “It’s something more…personal.”

“Oh.” Hoseok eyes the way the youngest is flushing and fidgeting awkwardly, and feels something fond stir in his chest, “What is it Kookie? Is it a girl?”

He ignores the way it stings when he thinks of his own love life.

Jungkook immediately turns beet red, eyes widening as he stutters, “N-No! Don’t even get that idea into your head! I just…girls aren’t…I mean…”

He huffs at Hoseok’s laughter, but ends up smiling at him with soft eyes instead.

“When I said it’s personal, hyung,” He takes a deep breath, crossing the room in giant steps, before slamming his hands on Hoseok’s desk, “I was talking about you.”

“About me?” Hoseok frowns in surprise, “What about me?”

“You’re clearly distracted at work,” Jungkook recites, “Not to mention any time I see you around the house, you’re either moping or sulking or both. I…”

He shakes his head, “I can’t stand seeing you like that, Hobi hyung.”

“Kook-ah…” Hoseok stares at him, and he knows that Jungkook knows what he’s been so upset about lately, “Don’t do it, whatever it is that you’ve got in mind. Please.”

He sighs, closing his eyes to bite back tears, “You know Father won’t allow it.”

“Forget Father, for once!” Jungkook cries, “Think of yourself, damn it!”

“I can’t, Jungkook.” Hoseok smiles, but there’s a sadness to it that Jungkook has never seen before, “Even…even if he hates me, I’ll never be able to hate him. He’s our Father, after all.”

Jungkook stares at the brunette in shock, before pursing his lips, and turning tail.

“I’m going to set your life back on track, hyung, if it’s the last thing I do.” He vows, slamming the door shut behind him.

“I doubt there’s anything you can do about that.” Hoseok chuckles lowly, tears finally springing forth, as he looks outside his window, “My life went wrong a long time ago.”

It’s been a long day at work, for you. With your boss yelling and literally hammering away at you, it’s actually surprising that you haven’t returned home in a terrible mood except—wait, you have. The day, so far, has been going terribly, and it all gets worse when you see a stranger sitting on your couch by the time you walk in. He looks terribly polished, with a crisp black suit on, and dark hair slicked back neatly.

Of course, your first reaction is to panic and scream, before chucking the nearest thing at him—which happens to be a fat Charles Dickens collection that you’ve never actually read before—never pausing to even think.

Eventually though, you get tired of throwing things, though you’re sure that the stranger is tired of dodging them as well, and huff lightly, before clearing your throat to get his attention.

“Considering you haven’t already killed me,” You say as casually as you can, “I assume you’re not a serial killer. So, answer this: who are you, how did you get in, and why the actual fuck are you here?”

“Are you done throwing things at me?” He asks tiredly, and at your reluctant nod, slumps over on your now-ruined couch, “Thank you.”

He shifts uncomfortably, as you take a seat from across him.

“I’m not sure if you’ve heard of me, but,” He takes in a deep breath, “My name’s Jung Jungkook. I’m—”

“Hoseok’s brother!” You blurt out with wide eyes, heart hammering against your chest, “If you came here to sue me, I would first like to say—”

“Relax, I’m not even into law. I’m in charge of Marketing.” Jungkook rolls his eyes, before muttering to himself, “How does hyung even like her, ugh.”

“Excuse me?” Your face scrunches in annoyance, “Look here, you little worm—”

“Anyway,” Jungkook continues speaking, running a hand through his dark hair like you haven’t just spoken, “You did something to make Hobi hyung weird, so you need to fix him.”

You stare at him. Is this guy for real?

“You want me to…” Your eye twitches, “You want me to ‘fix’ Hoseok?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” He hums confidently, “Look, Hoseok hyung’s been sad ever since I heard he met you, so obviously it’s something serious he’s got going with you.”

“Wait, since you heard?” You ask, before narrowing your eyes, “Does Hoseok even know you’re here?”

Jungkook’s guilty flush gives him away, and you sigh in exasperation.

“Look man, it’s nice of you to care for your brother so much, but Hoseok probably doesn’t even want to look at me right now.” You mutter to yourself, “Not that I can blame him.”

“Hoseok doesn’t know what he wants.” Jungkook states plainly, “He used to hold our Father in high regard, and did anything he asked, but we finally got him out of it. I don’t know what you’ve done to make him revert back to that, so fix it.”

“He’s not a fucking toy, Jungkook!” You yell, startling him, “He can’t be fixed! He needs to make his own decisions!”

“Please,” Jungkook speaks softly, making your eyes widen at how sad he sounds, “Please, just…meet him?”

You eye him skeptically, “Does your brother know about this?”

“And I’m not talking about Hoseok.” You add, when Jungkook opens his mouth, “Does Yoongi know you’re here?”

“…No.” Jungkook admits, making you sigh in frustration, “Yoongi hyung cares about Hoseok hyung a lot, but he doesn’t…he doesn’t understand hyung’s feelings very well.”

“Well, if Yoongi isn’t okay with this, I don’t see how it could work.” You sigh, before something strikes you, “And how did you find me, anyway?”

“I…did some things.” Jungkook’s mouth twitches upwards, and you decide it’s best if you don’t know.

You think about what he’s saying, before slumping over in defeat. You do miss Hoseok, and…and you need to apologize properly, at the very least.

“What do you want me to do?” You ask tiredly, “I want to help, but…I don’t know how.”

“Just leave it to me.” Jungkook smiles wickedly, and your gut sinks, along with any shred of hope you might’ve had.

“Jungkook, this is a bad idea.” You whisper to him, as he pushes you into a café he has designated to be an acceptable meeting point, “This is…this is a really, really bad idea.”

“Shut up and get in, Y/N,” He hisses, shoving you harder, “It’s almost time for Hobi hyung to come, so you’d best be inside before then.”

You let him push you in defeat, and sadly walk to the counter, where an entirely-too-cheerful barista greets you with a beam. You order your default drink, before making your way to a free seat, near one of the windows.

Jungkook’s plan…isn’t even a plan, really. What he told you over the phone yesterday, was that he would send you to a café, and ask Hobi to meet him there. Except, Jungkook wouldn’t be there at all, it’d be you instead.

Which is why it’s a terrible idea, of course, and you can’t help but wonder how this guy is in charge of marketing.

You take a sip of your drink awkwardly, before glancing over at your watch. It’s a quarter to five. Hoseok should be here, by now.

Almost on cue, the door chimes gently, signaling the arrival of another customer. There aren’t that many people in the café, so avoiding him is going to be near impossible anyway. You chance a glance over your shoulder, seeing, in a mix of happiness and anxiety, the brunette that you’ve been dying to meet. He doesn’t look over at you, though, instead craning his head to look for Jungkook, undoubtedly.

When he turns towards you, though, he freezes, eyes wide and disbelieving. You smile sadly at him, holding up his coffee in a greeting. When he reaches you, he takes the cup with trembling hands.

“We need to talk.” You say simply, and he looks at you inscrutably.

“Not here.” He says finally, “I’ve got a place in mind.”

You nod.

The ‘place in mind’ ends up being a penthouse suit.

“Holy shit.” You breathe, as you travel upward in a glass elevator, “Holy shit, you’re loaded.”

“Yes, well,” He says tightly, uncomfortably, and there’s something so wrong about the way he’s cutting himself off, “You would know, wouldn’t you?”

You recoil at the sharp jab, before sighing.

“Look, Hoseok, I wanted to apologize—”

“Not here.” He cuts in, looking straight ahead, but not at you, never at you, “Not now.”

You stay silent the entire way there, and only speak up when you’re inside his room.

“I know I owe you an explanation for what happened at the party.” You say, biting your lip anxiously, as Hoseok takes a seat, rushing to do so when he gestures at you.

“Yes, you do.” He stares hard at you, and you can’t help but wonder what happened to the softer lines of his face, the gentleness in his eyes that had made you get attracted to him so quickly.

But you take a deep breath, and begin telling him everything.

By the end of it, Hoseok is staring at you, teary eyes matching your own.

“So this entire time,” He starts, in a cracked whisper, “This entire time I could have been with you, but wasn’t because of a misunderstanding?”

He shakes his head, whimpering, “I’m sorry.”

“No.” You refute firmly, unable to believe he’s actually blaming himself, “Hoseok, it’s not your fault. It was still wrong of me to have done that.”

“Even after I pushed you away, though,” He looks at you sadly, “Even after I hurt you, you left my privacy intact. Even after…”

His voice breaks, and you’re by his side in an instant, wiping the tear trails from his cool cheeks.

“Can I…” You whisper, just as he wonders, “Can I kiss you, Y/N?”

You look at each other for a moment, before giggling slightly, even through your tears, and leaning forward, lips meeting halfway.

You originally were going to keep it safe, to a bare minimum, but with the softness of Hoseok’s lips on your own again, surge forward, nipping at his lips. He coaxes your own open, and you willingly part them for him, sighing as he explores as much of your mouth as he can, and do the same in return.

“I missed you.” Hoseok confesses, once you’ve separated for air, “So, so, much. Could I…?”

He pauses, looking you in the eye, “Could I show you just how much?”

And you’re no idiot, you weren’t born yesterday; you know what he means. You nod lightly, body still trembling from your tears, and squeak lightly when he picks you up bridal style, carrying you to his bedroom with gusto.

“Hoseok!” You whine, as he sets you down on the bed gently, “Warn a girl next time, would you?”

“Next time?” He grins at you and your breath freezes in your lungs because, even with his red-rimmed eyes, he looks beautiful, “I’ll take you up on that, princess.”

“We’ll see.” You huff, cheeks coloring, “But I thought you were supposed to be showing me something…?”

His eyes darken, and he pins your unsuspecting body down onto the bed, caging you with his body. You gasp in surprise when he lowers his mouth to suck harshly at the juncture between your neck and shoulders, body tensing up and arching under his careful bites.

“I didn’t get to fuck you last time, since you were so drunk.” He whispers to you, in the dim light, “But since you’re sober now, I think it’d be okay.”

Looking into his eyes you realize, with a jolt, that he’s silently asking for permission. Is this okay?

You grin at him with whatever confidence you’ve got left, and teasingly stretch your neck.

“I guess I’ll have to wait and see if you can make it worth my while.” You wink obnoxiously, making him flick you lightly, “Ow!”

“Stop ruining the mood.” He grumps, before losing the façade and smiling, “Okay, that was cute.”

You sit up, tired of how much he’s delaying the process. You quickly shimmy out of your pants, and slip off your shirt, leaving you only in your mismatched panties and bra. You would feel more embarrassed, though, if Hoseok weren’t staring at you with open-mouthed awe.

Your cheeks flush. He’s staring at you, with that love-struck expression. You.

“Well?” You ask playfully, raising an eyebrow at the brunette, “Are you going to fuck me, or am I going to have to come over there and do it myself?”

“You’re so beautiful.” He blurts out, making you freeze, blush covering your cheeks.

“Uh, thanks.” You mumble awkwardly, making him smile in amusement.

“Aw, are you shy now?” He teases you, grasping your chin with his fingers, and angling your face towards him, “What happened to fucking me?”

“Shut up.” You mutter embarrassedly, “I don’t like you.”

“Aw, princess, don’t be like that.” Hoseok hums, tugging you onto his lap, so that you can feel the bulge hidden under his trousers against the curve of your ass, “You said you were sorry, weren’t you?”

“Then,” His voice lowers, as he slips the strap of your bra off one shoulder, leaving the other one still on, “Why don’t you show me just how much?”

It’s hard to think with his cock pressing into you like that, his slender fingers pinching and rubbing at your stiffened nub. You can’t keep your head up, as he teases your nipple with his practiced digits, slumping against his shoulder.

“W-What would you have me do?” You ask submissively, panties growing steadily damp.

“For starters,” He hums, sucking a hard mark into your collar bone, “Why don’t you admit how much of a slut you are for my cock? I can feel you leaking here, princess.”

He presses his fingers against the damp spot on your underwear, making your cheeks flush brighter.

“H-Hoseok, I—”

“Yes?” He prompts you patiently, fingers never moving an inch, “You want me to fuck you, don’t you?”

“Yes, I…” You tilt your head to meet his eyes, “I want you to f-fuck me Hoseok.”

The words make your cheeks burn, but Hoseok is unmoved, raising an eyebrow at you.

“And?”

“And,” You swallow heavily, eyes stinging, “I-I’m a slut for your cock.”

“You’re going to have to do better than that.” Hoseok tuts, “I’m disappointed. And you know you’re not going to get what you want until I’m satisfied.”

You sigh in annoyance, giving up.

“Okay, Hoseok.” You say aggravatedly, “I want your big, fucking cock inside me now, or else I’ll actually go crazy from it! I’m your fucking slut, so just fuck me already!”

He stares at you for a beat, frozen in surprise, before he grins and slips his hand into your underwear, brushing against your dripping core gently.

“Why don’t we get this out of the way, hm?” He doesn’t say it in askance, and tugs at it until it’s slipped off your legs, “There you go.”

He makes you lie down, head on a pillow, and spreads your leg as his eyes your slit hungrily.

“I want to be able to see your slutty little pussy,” He informs you coolly, dragging a finger along your folds and holding it up, so that you can see it glisten in the light, “Look how wet you are.”

“I’ll bet you’ve been waiting for this ever since we saw each other.” He smirks, before latching onto your core with his mouth and oh, god, the wet heat feels so good.

“H-Hobi!” You moan, hands fisting the sheets as you struggle to stay coherent; Hoseok’s tongue is delving inside you, getting deeper and deeper, and please, please, please.

You gasp, and arch your back when a finger slips in alongside his tongue, and shiver as he continues to eat you out and pleasure you at once.

When you finally, finally, feel like you’re going to cum, Hoseok stops, making you whine in loss.

“Hobi, please!” You cry in dismay, as he lies on top of you, the rough fabric of his clothes dragging against your sensitive skin, “I was going to cum!”

“Not just yet, princess.” He chuckles, making something stir inside you, “Spread your legs for me, babe. I want you to cum on my cock, like the slutty little bitch you are.”

Your mouth dries, but you do as he asks, spreading your legs as far as they’ll go. Your cheeks burn at how lewd you might look, with your hair a mess, bra half undone, and dripping pussy entirely exposed.

“Stay like that for me, sweetheart.” He tells you, and you want to protest, want to say hell no, but something in you makes you stay silent, makes you want to please him.

He shrugs off his suit jacket, undoing his belt and trousers; his shirt is soon unbuttoned and thrown away carelessly, and his boxers are shucked off. You were too drunk to see it last time, but holy hell is he hung.

Your mouth waters for reasons unknown, and your face heats up in shame.

“You look like you have something to say.” Hoseok observes, climbing onto the bed, “What is it?”

You debate internally over whether you should tell him or not but, eventually, the stupid side of you wins out.

“H-Hoseok…” You stutter out, “C-Can I…can I suck you, please?”

His hazel brown eyes widen in shock, before he smirks at you, patting his thigh in invitation.

“You really are a cockslut, aren’t you?” He says affectionately, making you kneel on the soft carpet, facing his throbbing member, “So eager.”

You cast your eyes away in embarrassment, only to cry out in shock when he tugs at your hair.

“Well?” He asks, pulling you forward, so that you’re at eye-level with his shaft, “Get to it, then.”

You quickly engulf his cock in your mouth, making him groan in pleasure. Hollowing your cheeks around it, you begin to bob your head up and down, only to gag when he loses his patience and thrusts in deeply. Tears spring into your eyes at the rough treatment, though you make no move to stop him; there’s something about how he manhandles you, moves you around at his own will, that makes your heat positively ache.

It’s as though Hoseok knows exactly what you’re thinking, because he bends forward, cock curling deliciously in your mouth.

“The best part about this,” He whispers to you, and the words send a jolt down your spine, “Is how you won’t even deny it.”

He cums down your throat then, your only warning being a slightly harsher tug to your hair that leaves you unprepared; and you choke uselessly around his length, trying to swallow it down. Some of it drips out your mouth, off your cheek, and when you look at Hoseok with wide teary eyes, he swears, pulling your mouth off his cock.

“Jesus, you’re beautiful.” He repeats for the billionth time, though you don’t have the strength in you to blush, at this point, “Beautiful, and all mine.”

He wipes the cum off your chin with a careful finger, and your mouth parts obediently for him when he presses it against your lips. You quietly suck at the digit, eyes drooping and throat scratchy; but you can’t fall asleep, not when your core still throbs with want.

“And you’re all mine?” You don’t mean to phrase it like a question, but it comes out that way; Hoseok’s hazel eyes connect with yours, before they soften.

“And I’m all yours.” He confirms, before lying you down on the pillow, hitching a leg on his shoulder as he kneels before your parted thighs, “I’ll remind you of that every day. But first, I have a promise to keep.”

You feel twice as exposed now, as Hoseok carefully peels apart your outer lips with his fingers, blowing out a puff of hot air against your clenching hole. There’s only silence, save for the sound of your heavy breathing, until something so warm and so wet latches to your exposed hole.

You cry out in pleasure, as Hoseok nibbles at your clit, before it turns into a shuddering moan at the swipe of his tongue against your entrance.

“H-Hoseok,” You manage to rasp out shakily, “N-Need it deeper—”

You don’t even need to complete the sentence, as his tongue suddenly delves inside you, searching deep. You breathe shakily, chest heaving, as Hoseok slowly takes you apart, layer by crumbling layer. And then comes the torrent of the rush; something euphoric just biding its time by the edge.

“I’m…” You find yourself choking out, hands finding their way to Hoseok’s hair, “Gonna come…!”

Of course, he decides to move away right then, right when you’re about to cum, but he only smiles teasingly at your frown.

“I’ll give you what you want soon,” He promises, hand coming to stroke at his length, “But I want you to cum on my cock.”

When he pats his lap, eyebrow raised, you understand what he wants. And, damn it, you want to come—no, need to—so you do what he wants, crawling over to him and settling on his lap. The tip of his length presses against your eagerly awaiting hole, but goes no further.

“Are you on the pill?” The question totally ruins the mood, but you understand why he’s asked.

“Yeah.” You roll your eyes in impatience, even through your understanding, “Now please just fuck me already.”

“Your wish is my command.” He grins charmingly, and you want to scoff, but can only gasp as the head of his cock finally slips inside, as he buries himself, inch by inch, into your hole.

“This pussy can’t get enough of me.” He murmurs observationally, making you flush, “See how it’s twitching around my cock?”

He looks up at you then, eyes dark, “It means it needs more, doesn’t it?”

You can only nod breathlessly, as he guides your hips up, and lets you slam back down. You throw your head back in pleasure, as white spots dance behind your shut eyelids. Hoseok manages to find the right spot, again and again and again, thrusting deep into you, while controlling the movement of your hips against his.

He whispers how much he’s missed you, how much he’s missed this pussy, how much he loves it. Loves you.

Tears trail from your eyes as he rubs at your clit with a thumb, and you’re unable to stop yourself from slumping forward, semi-nude chest brushing against his. He notices too, finger lifting from your twitching button to completely undo your bra, flinging it off to the side.

“Close to cumming?” He asks you huskily, and you give a shaky nod, too scared to speak, “It’s alright if you moan, sweetheart; no one can hear you here.”

His voice drops, as he continues, “I can fuck you anywhere I want. In the kitchen, on the couch, over the table, against the wall…and you’ll take it all gladly, won’t you; be a good little slut, ready for me?”

“Y-Yes!” You cry out, as he tugs your hair in warning, eyes watering, “Yes, I’ll let you fuck me wherever you want! I’m yours!”

And that’s when the relief courses through you, pleasure crashing through you in a massive wave; your back arches, body only kept in place by Hoseok’s grip, and you slump against him as a liquid drips tantalizingly down your thighs, staining Hoseok’s. Your cheeks turn red, as you realize you’ve done something weird; oh gosh, did you pee on him?

“Wow.” He breathes, though his thrusts don’t cease, don’t even stutter, as you flush in shame, “I didn’t think you’d be a squirter.”

“A…A…” You know what he means, but you never thought you could do it; you can’t focus on that though, not when Hoseok’s melding your lips together, coaxing little mewls out of your puffy lips.

“It’s perfect.” He stares at you, as he pushes you onto the bed, sending you sprawling, before he corrects himself, “You’re perfect.”

Tears spring into your eyes, as you pull Hoseok closer to you, legs trembling and twitching from the overstimulation. He looks at you, with his soft eyes and soft mouth and soft smile, as he nips gently at your ear; it’s a soft moment, with soft messages and soft assurances.

But when Hoseok’s eyes grow wide, and his breath catches in his throat, you know he’s going to cum.

“Cum i-inside me,” You tell him softly, smiling weakly at his surprised features, “It’s okay.”

So he nods, lets himself go as he unravels before your awed eyes, shoulder slumping forward and hips quivering against yours. You can’t help the soft sigh that escapes you at the rush of hot cum that shoots inside you, coating your velvety walls a stark white.

You’re surprised though, when Hoseok doesn’t pull out from you and instead rolls you over, so that you’re settled against his chest, soft cock probing deeper into you. He doesn’t move again, though, just cards his hand through your damp hair, as he breathes in deeply.

You end up breaking the silence.

“I hope you know,” You rasp out quietly, eyes meeting Hoseok’s, “That we still need to talk.”

You end up talking after a short nap. And, by short nap, you mean, of course, 2 hours later.

“So…where does…all this leave us?” You ask, gesticulating helplessly. Your stomach is churning, either from nervousness or hunger. Maybe even both.

“I…” Hoseok pauses, before tapping his thumbs anxiously against the armrest of his couch, “This isn’t exactly how I expected anything to go, but… I’d like to get to know you better.”

He raises his head to look you in the eye, and as you scan his open face for any kind of deceit, you find none: only honesty and earnest.

“You…want to know me better?” You raise an eyebrow, awkwardly, and at his nod, do the one thing you’ve always done in situations like this, “You mean fucking me wasn’t enough?”

The look on his face when you say that is priceless. Brilliant, even. You mentally pat yourself on the back as he splutters and chokes, face beet-red, wondering if you should possibly help him, but ultimately deciding this is too funny to pass up.

“What’s wrong?” You ask innocently, “We’ve done it twice, Hoseok; surely, you should be used to this?”

“It’s…” He makes some vague motions in the air that you pretend to understand, before he huffs resignedly, “I want to know you. Like, your personality.”

He glares slightly at your smirk, “Apart from the fact that you enjoy making me choke.”

The connotation registers in both of your heads at the same time, and you share equally troubled looks.

“Uh…” He says, floundering for words, but is saved by the timely arrival of a loud grumble.

From your stomach.

It’s your turn to flush in embarrassment as he cracks a sympathetic smile.

“Rough day?” He asks in fake compassion, dimples showing, “I totally get it.”

“I hate you.” Your voice is small, but the words hold no venom, “So, so much.”

“C’mon.” He gets up, laughing quietly to himself, “Let’s get something to eat.”

“Alright.” You say all of a sudden, no doubt confusing the brunette across you, “Let’s do it.”

If there were any doubt in your mind that Hoseok’s now very befuddled, it’s confirmed at the sight of his blank face.

“Do…what, exactly?” He takes another lick from his ice cream cone—coffee, ugh—as he stares at you curiously.

You roll your eyes at the need to explain it to him.

“We can try this…’getting to know each other thing.’” You emphasize, using air quotes and everything, “Is that better?”

“Really?” Even your slight irritation dissolves at the sight of Hoseok’s gleeful expression, as he grasps your free hands, “Oh my god, thank you for giving this a chance.”

“Of course.” Your eyes glint mischievously, though Hoseok misses that, “I’ll need to ask you for a favor though.”

“Yes, of course!” He agrees quickly, eyes wide and concerned, “Anything!”

“Anything?” You smirk at his paling face, before pointing to your right, at the counter, “Buy me some more ice cream.”

He stares at you, before his eyes crinkle and he bursts out laughing. It’s a chain reaction, like the two of you are linked, because you start to giggle to yourself too.

Eventually though, Hoseok does get you another scoop of your favorite ice cream. And it wouldn’t be the last time, either.

“I think you’re the first person I’ve ever dated.” Hoseok confesses to you one evening, as the two of you sit atop a grassy hill overlooking the suburbs.

“You think?” Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“W-Well,” He stutters, not expecting that, before shrugging, “I only ever technically dated one person before…but it was because my Dad asked, for business and stuff.”

“Wow.” You breathe out. You want to ask him more questions about it, but the uncomfortable line of his mouth, and the tenseness of his shoulders, tells you enough for you to know that you shouldn’t probe. He doesn’t need to tell you, not yet.

“Well.” You add quickly, seeing his disheartened look, and catch his hands with yours, giving him a brilliant smile, “I’m honored to be your first, my prince.”

His expression immediately clears up, brightening perceptibly, “Why, thank you, my princess.”

He pulls you into his lap so that you can enjoy the steady thump of his heart under your ear, and feel his warmth. He also does that, to convince himself you’re real, the only unknown variable in his life of constants.

But it’s also to make sure he never forgets you.

“Y/N.” Hoseok asks, eyes wide and hopeful, as the two of you are cuddled close at night, watching movies together, “I’ve got this movie premier to attend, and I’m allowed to bring a plus-one…”

He trails off, letting you fit in the missing pieces yourself, and when you finally wrap your head around it, a smile threatens to split your face in two.

“No way!” You gasp to yourself, lips stretched wide, “Are you asking me to be your plus-one, my prince?”

“Well, I’d always like you to be mine.” Hoseok laughs. Slips his fingers through yours. “But yes, my princess, I am.”

“Then, how could I ever say no?” You beam sweetly at him, catching his lips to yours in happiness. But the kiss soon turns heated, and he pushes you down and takes you right there, on the couch, as Bad Moms plays in the background. Makes sure you never forget the taste of his lips against yours, the imprint of his fingers burning through your skin in a pleasant haze.

Needless to say, Jimin is horrified when he comes home to find you two spooning on your couch together. Naked.

“Please.” Jimin pleads the two of you, when you finally get dressed and sit a suitable distance apart with matching faces of shame, “Please don’t ever come to my house again.”

“Uh,” You croak hesitantly, drawing into yourself when you see his crazed eyes turn to you, “Th-this is m-my house, though?”

“I’m pretty sure,” Jimin interrupts, deadly calm, “That I adopted you because you can’t look after yourself like a normal human being—” He voices over your protest, “So, this is very much my house too, thanks.”

You shut your mouth, knowing when you’re dealing with a lost case, and instead look at Hoseok with apologetic eyes. He, luckily, seems to understand, because he grimaces back at you in a failed attempt at assurance.

“And please, for the love of god!” Jimin snaps, making the two of you snap your attentions back to him, “Stop making those ridiculous faces at each other! Hoseok, I’m sorry, but you need to leave.”

And so, Park Jimin kicked out the Director of HR of Jung & Co. from your apartment.

Of course, it can’t always be sunshine and daisies. There has to be a raincloud in there somewhere, lurking and waiting for an opportune moment. A partner of Fate. Works with it, hand in hand, to get back at you with a vengeance.

And it all starts on one of your dates.

“So, what are we gonna do here?” You crack out a yawn, eyes drooping as Hoseok leads you into his apartment; a different one from last time, his actual staying quarters, “Movies, again?”

“I was going to order for you, and stuff.” Hoseok nods in agreement, settling on the couch, and holding out his arms for you to cuddle into, “But it looks like you’re tired?”

“Take out sounds great.” You mumble tiredly into his chest, relaxing as he wraps his arms around you, “Just a bit too sleepy for your romance flicks.”

“Hey!” Hoseok’s chest rumbles as he speaks in mock affront, “Excuse you, I don’t watch romance! I…don’t really like horror, or action, or suspense, but…”

He pouts sadly as you giggle up at him, and you can hardly resist pecking his perfect lips sweetly.

“Alright, my prince.” You roll your eyes, even as you let loose a tiny grin, “Whatever you say.”

“I resent that.” He says, honestly, before asking, “So, what would you like? French? Turkish? Greek?”

You can’t help the tiny twitch of your eyebrow at the growing list of unacceptable options, and you finally snap.

“Jung Hoseok.” He immediately stops speaking at the sound of your menacing voice, “I want. Takeout.”

“Yes, but—”

“Jesus, just get me Chinese! No exotic cuisine!”

“But I want it to taste—”

“Jung Hoseok, don’t you dare complete that sentence, Chinese tastes brilliant—”

The two of you don’t notice the slight creak of the door, till a new voice breaks in.

“…Am I interrupting something?”

The both of you freeze in horror, the voice ringing in your ears awfully familiar. You see Hoseok pale, even in the dim lighting, and you can completely understand why.

“Yoongi.” He murmurs shakily, and you quickly gather your wits about yourself, sliding quickly off his lap to face the eldest of the brothers, “You’re here?”

You’re sure Hoseok doesn’t mean it as a question, but it might have slipped out like that anyway. You cautiously eye Yoongi, expecting to see a hard rage in his eyes, or an extreme chilliness, like the last few times you’ve met him.

What you don’t expect is a soft, yet sad smile.

“Yeah.” He answers Hoseok’s question-statement, flicking on the light switches, “And chill, Y/N, I know you two are dating.”

He rolls his eyes, muttering something to himself that sounds suspiciously like, “Not that this could show me otherwise.”

Your cheeks flush at the fact that Yoongi just saw you straddling his brother’s lap. In the middle of an argument. About what food to order. Christ, like it isn’t getting any more domestic.

“You knew?” You can’t help but blurt out anyway and, at your side, Hoseok looks near hysterical in his agreement, “How?”

Yoongi pulls at the sleeves of his shirt, under his blazer, as he gives the two of you a private grin, one that neither of you are expecting. But Hoseok seems to understand.

“Jungkook told you, didn’t he?” His voice is flat and disbelieving.

Yoongi chuckles (chuckles!!) at his deadpan, and shakes his head.

“He didn’t need to.” He elaborates in a drawl, at your confused faces, “He asked me why you were so upset, after the Gala.”

“Oh.” Hoseok sounds quiet, and you hate it, taking his hand and squeezing it lightly. The two of you have had to work so hard for this relationship, and you’ll be damned if you let a smirking millionare take everything away from you.

“So?” You ask defiantly, facing him head on even as you inwardly quake in terror, “Are you going to tell us to break up or what?”

That sends alarm bells ringing in Hoseok’s head, and he nearly leaps up, eyes wide.

“Hyung—!” His voice cracks.

“Don’t worry.” Yoongi shakes his head with a long-suffering sigh, “Even though I don’t approve of her, I guess…I’ll approve of this relationship. She makes you happy Hobi, I’d have to be an idiot not to see that.”

Your heart stops at the slight grin he sports on his lips, the warmth of his eyes when he looks at the brunette sitting next to you.

“Even if I don’t always show it,” Yoongi murmurs, “I only want what’s best for you. And if that’s what she is, then so be it. But…”

“But…?” The look on Hoseok’s face screams of anxiety, and a little bit of fear, “But what?”

“I’m not the only one who knows.”

At Yoongi’s next words, you’re sure your expression must match Hoseok’s, and your heart hammers against your chest.

“Father knows too, and…he wants to meet Y/N.”

Written By: Midnight^^

Next Part: 03

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