#somehow this got kinda out of hand
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I’m only on S2 of TMA so my theories for TMagP probably don’t mean anything at the moment—because I haven’t listened to any of Protocal yet—but I have headcanons from seeing all the TMagP posts on my dash.
I’ve been seeing all these posts about [Error] and sentient tape recorders and voices on the recordings—I don’t know exactly; I’m taking pieces from posts and putting the puzzle together.
I just got finished with Mag 65 Binary. It got me thinking—what if… Okay. Hear me out. The Archivist—Jon, Not Jon, doesn’t matter—eyes, all the eyes (webcams); hair, long and flowing, makes rustling sounds when you fingers through it, weird texture—almost like the texture of the tape inside a recording tape (because it is).
The tape players—biting, flopping—are sentient extensions of the Archivist. The Archivist has become the digital recorder. It’s digital becoming analogue instead of the analogue becoming digital.
But another twist to this theory that’s going through my head—What if [Error] is Sergei Yushanka? I know it’s far-fetched but also, not really as far as anything in TMA and TMagP is concerned. It’s all rather far-fetched in its own way and we still don’t know all there is to know about TMagP Universe and how it correlates to TMA Universe.
[Error] being Sergei is essentially the same as people putting English song lyrics through layers of other languages before putting it back to English. It’s all warped and twisted and sometimes the original meaning doesn’t come through in the overly-translated lyrics. Same concept. Analogue to digital—especially for as long as he was digital—and back to analogue is going to leave some major changes on him, especially since Tessa tells that in the Urban Legend—whichever ghoulish, twisted version you go with—two details remain constant.
1. A heavily pixelated screaming face—like this fanart of [Error] depicts quite well:
And
2. The phrase “The angles cut me when I try to think” before the chat bot’s descent into madness.
It’s the whole thing of looking into the void, becoming the void, and then trying to come back from the void. No matter how much you resist the void while you are the void, you come back changed. And sometimes, you find that you don’t want to come back at all.
Being one with the void was hell, but is it better or worse when returning? Because it’s still pain. But is this pain better or worse than before?
#somehow this got kinda out of hand#but my point still stands#Sergei is [error]#makes sense to me#even if it is far fetched#tma#the magnus archives#TMagP#the magnus protocol#headcanon#thoughts
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DoubleNoot AU Drabble - Next Steps
I got time! Time to write my version of what the next part of the DoubleNoot AU timeline is! Noot² for some :D
Last time on DoubleNoot Adventure! Corrupt split and caused the original Nightmare to return in the heat of battle! As a reaction he took his mates and the newly arrived child and took them back to his home and hideout.
@mikimakiboo Made their own version of this meeting but I also wanted to write it myself and how I see it happening :3 Still their drabble is amazing and everyone needs to show it love :D (yes i linked it last time but come on. This drabble is actually the counterpart to it!)
Also fair warning. I am keeping the pregnancy joke alive. I am not letting that go. It is too funny and too fitting for me. So... warning? discussions of mpreg.
No edits or beta we just going :D (warning. It is a long read.)
*----------------------------*
There... There is a tiny skeleton in his arms. A shaking and terrified skeleton. Corrupt glances around and very slowly places the skeleton on the couch. Only to have to dive back closer to catch him from falling over. Corrupt ends up putting Nightmare in the corner of the couch to enable him to lean against two sides.
There... Is a child. In his house.
One he had thought had died. Correction. One Corrupt had thought he had killed.
What... What does he do now?
Corrupt had reacted impulsive. He doesn't actually have a plan. He just knew he had to get himself and his mates away from the Stars, even if he already felt much better.
Okay. He needs to focus.
Corrupt needs to check his mates and make sure they are okay. Needs to make sure the Stars didn't hurt any of them while he crumbled.
Why is it so hard to look away from Nightmare? Corrupt can't look away. He keeps staring at the young skeleton.
He looks scared as he looks around the area. Pushing himself back against the couch as his chest moves quickly wiht his fast breathing. His clothes are absolutely filthy and goop isn't even the thing that makes it most dirty. Not there is still old dust and blood on his clothes which are ripped and also covered in mud.
But the bones? While also covered with dirt there isn't even a scratch on Nightmare. Which surprises Corrupt. Nightmare had his skull smashed in. Had suffered years of abuse of those villagers. Yet here he sits. Whole. Not as much as a bruise on him.
The only thing that seems wrong is that Nightmare seems to have lost control over his body, but he had also been inactive for 500 years so this may more be a matter of him having to relearn how to walk and move..
Okay. Stop. Think. Waht do you know for sure?
Corrupt just... split in two and Nightmare was removed from his being. Aparently he had Nightmare resting in his body since the apple accident. Maybe instead of forming from Nightmare he formed around Nightmare... it would explain why Corrupt never actually saw Nightmare or dust from him. Corrupt had always assumed that Nightmare hadn't dusted because of his treespirit nature.
Now.
Nightmare had been in his body, aparently slowly healing, and is now out of his body. Corrupt frowns. How come that he has Nightmare's memories in that case? Is it because Nightmare was the one to eat the apple? Does that mean that all those things he remembers and remembered feeling was all Nightmare and never his own.
Corrupt takes another depe breath to try and stay focussed. He still glances to make sure Nightmare is still where he left him. He is.
Okay. Corrupt will ahve to think about everything that this means later. Now he has to make sure everyone is okay... also make sure that Nightmare gets clean and situated. It... unnerves him to not have Nightmare with him. Corrupt doesn't knwo a lot but knows his being misses having Nightmare close.
"Euh... Moonlight?"
Corrupt frowns and turns slowly.
Killer looks between Nightmare and Corrupt "You know... I know we aren't always the most... serious bunch... but you could have told us you were pregnant... we could have handled it and could have helped."
It takes amoment before Corrupt sputters and glares at one of his mates "I wasn't pregnant!" He snaps but sees Ngihtmare flinch at the sound. Corrupt mentally decides to not shout anymore.
Killer just raises a brow as he crosses his arms before looking pointly at Nightmare "Really? Because that is a whole ass child-"
Cross shoots him a disapproving look "Don't curse!"
Killer blinks and looks over "The kid is already like... eight?" he tilts his skull at Nightmare.
Nightmare however shrinks in on himself as he tries to disappear into the couch.
Corrupt answers instead "He is ten actually. Just... tiny." he frowns. aparently Nightmare is just short? Corrupt himself is also short and he took some of his appearances over from Nightmare...
Killer frowns "Wait... ten years? How long have we all been together?" He looks very disappointed "We aren't the dads?"
Corrupt sputters again but manages to keep his voice down "I wasn't pregnant."
Horror speaks up as he glances up from his phone "According to the definition of giving birth which is: The emergence of a baby or other young from the body of its mother; the start of life as a physically separate being." Horror waves into the direction of Ngihtmare "Young." and he just looks pointedly at Corrupt.
Corrupt sighs as he rubs his face "I wasn't pregnant. I didn't give birth." he looks at Nightmare and frowns "I didn't even... i thought he was dead..." Nightmare stares back at him but gets a tiny frown on his face. Corrupt isn't sure what is on his face... probably grief. there always is grief when he thought about Nightmare.
Cross joins his side and holds his hand "hey... you could also have told us you miscarriaged... We could have helped..." he smiles.
Corrupt rubs his skull as he shakes his skull "No. I wasn't pregnant... Meet... Nightmare." Ngihtmare flinches at his name and when the others all start staring at him. Shit. Corrupt regrets that...
Dust frowns "I thought you said..."
Corrupt groans as he takes a deep sigh "I know... I know what i said. I thought the same. This is also very much a surprise for me."
"how do you know my name?"
silence and Crorupt looks back at Nightmare. Ngihtmare still looks terrified. He is obviously terrified. but he has a very tiny stubborn glare on his face. One hand has formed a fist and is shaking sligthly. Nightmare keeps staring at Corrupt specifically.
Corrupt blinks and speaks softly "I.... What do you remember?" does he remember everything that Corrupt remembered?
Nightmare frowns as he thinks before looks at Corrupt distrusting "You first. What do you know?"
Killer snorts "suspicious little fellow." he points at Corrupt "That is corrupt. I am Killer." he points everyone out as he names everyone. Corrupt is watching closely and can see more and more panick appear in Ngihtmare's posture as each name is given.
right... Very unfriendly names. Corrupt now regrets not agreeing to taking a friendlier name. He makes the decision as he walks over to Nightmare and takes a seat before him. He makes sure to keep his tentacles low but not to hide them, same for his arms.
Hidden limbs can attack him and hurt him. This way Nightmare can keep and easy eye on everything.
Corrupt speaks softly, making sure to keep his voice soft and quiet just in case "I must admit I am not quite sure myself anymore. I am Corrupt. When you ate the apple of the tree I formed. I always believed that you had died and I formed from that moment with the apple's magic and power... I was unaware you were with me the whole time. How are you feeling? What do you remember?" and he waits. He knows this is a lot of information.
Nightmare frowns as he looks down slightly. Thinking. He looks at his hand and frowns as he touches some of his fingers. Corrupt follows the sight and knows why Nightmare must be confused. The villages had smashed his phalanges with a large bat just days before the apple incident. Those breaks should have been there still.
Nightmare forms a fist again as he holds said hand with his other "I... I think i... remember eating it..." he frowns more before flinching. Corrupt frowns and looks over his shoulder. Right.
He sighs "Loves. please back up a tiny bit." the four had started to gravitate closer but they seem to realise the problem. They give some quiet sorries and back up a bit.
Corrupt looks amused at them before motioning towards the other couches and chairs "Just sit down for a moment." He first needs to get Ngihtmare to relax just a tiny bit. Corrupt doubts he can move alright just yet and Corrupt wants him to be at least a bit calmer before he tries to ask if Nightmare wnats to get clean.
His mates luckily all listen and sit down and get comfortable as they start checking each other. Corrupt smiles, that is good. This way he is at least sure that they are all alright and no one is hurt.
Corrupt turns back to Nightmare who is staring at him. But he looks away as soon as Corrupt looks at him. Corrupt chuckles "It is alright... I can only imagine I must look very strange to you."
Ngihtmare shrugs and mutters "Not... that weird..." he grins a tiny bit as he glances up at him "I am a treespirit..."
Corrupt chcukles and nods "true..."
Nightmare glances to the side and Corrupt realises what Nightmare must be glancing it. Corrupt slowly makes one of his tentacles raise a little and makes it wave.
Nightmare blinks and looks at Corrupt "Are those..."
Corrupt nods "They are... made of negative energy." he brings it closer "We got that in common. Both of us have powers connected to the more negative things to feel." he lets the tendril hover near Nightmare.
Nightmare stares at it before very slowly touching the tendril. As soon as he touches it the negativity and magic in his being reacts. Because the area around the tendril starts to shine and show of cyan coloured swirls.
Nightmare stares and starts to smile "wow... I didn't know my stuff could be pretty..." he touches one of the shown swirls wiht his other hands and the area of effect expands a tiny bit.
Corrupt nods as he mutters "Even if everyone looks down on negativity. It has its good adn beautiful sides. Everything has, including the negative emotions."
Nightmar elooks unconvinced and that doesn't surprise Corrupt. Nightmare is used to being harrassed, bullied, hurt and abused over what he was connected to. His powers and role only every brough him pain.
Maybe Corrupt can at least show him the more beautiful side of their emotional powers. Show it is a part of healing and growth. That it has a connection to justice and protecting others.
Nightmare ends up focussing back on the tentacle in front of him and watching their magic react to one another. Familiar and calm. Both magicks seem to know the other and it helps Ngihtmare feel safe.
Some movement by his side and Ngihtmare watches as Cross is now near him before sitting on the ground with his back against the couch. Ngihtamre shoots him a look for a moment before calming down when the other's attention isn't on him. Nightmare turns back to the tentacle.
Cross looks over nervously before turning to Corrupt "what... what is the plan? are we just... going to..." he shoots Ngihtmare a look "Can we just keep him?"
Nightmare freezes and grabs the tentacle tighter.
Corrupt frowns as he looks at Nightmare. The idea... of leaving him somewhere? No... they can't just leave him somewhere.
Cross rubs his arm as he continues to speak "Like... I am not... sure how good I am at this dad thing?" he cringes "But I can learn! probably." he grins as he looks nervous.
Killer laughs as he lounges on the other couch, obviously watching them "I mean. I think this one is dips for either Horror or Dust. You know. Cyan of Cors and red of either of them makes purple for little nightlight."
Nightmare shoots Killer a glare "I wasn't pregnant."
horror hums and nods "Dust then. I don't have enough magic to get anyone pregnant."
Dust shrugs "Cool. I am upper-dad."
Killer grins "It has been decided!" and he throws his arms out with a laugh.
Corrupt sighs deeply as he looks back at Nightmare however just looks at the other four. Looking a tiny bit more relaxed and with a slightly tilted skull.
Corrupt speaks softly "Are you okay with staying here for a little bit? I swear to you that no one will harm you here, ever." It is why he made this place. it was a place of safety and shelter. For himself and those he holds so dear.
Nightmare looks at him, looks at the others, then looks at where their magicks interact and strengthen each other. Nightmare frowns but nods "Okay..."
Corrupt smiles "Thank you." he looks at his mates "How do you four feel?"
Killer grins "A bit tired but nothing too bad."
Cross nods and sits up straight "We are ready to do whatever!"
Corrupt sees both Horror and Dust give their own okays before nodding "Cross and Killer, can you two go to Littletale and get some supplies? We will need clothes foremost but anything that can fit a ten year old is helpful." furniture will come later once they figure out which room is right for the tiny prince-
Oh... Corrupt is already considering calling him prince compared to his own king title...
Maybe his mates have a point about how this whole situation happened. He does feel very protective over Nightmare... Again things to consider when he has the time.
He focusses on the mission "Dust. If you can go around the castle and secure the place. Make it safer." a glance confirms that Dust shoots their training room a look before nodding. He had figured Dust would understand what he meant without having to point out how many weapons they have, which will just make Ngihtmare nervous.
He looks at Horror "Love?"
Horror grins and nods "I will be in the kitchen. Allergies?"
Corrupt shakes his skull and looks at Nightmare "Not that i can remember... Nightmare? Are there any things you don't like the taste or texture off?"
Nightmare looks confused "texture?"
Corrupt smiles "Well yeah... I know I dislike either quite a few things that feel strange to me to eat. Anything you don't like?"
Nightmare thinks before speaking "I don't like.... mushy stuff? feels weird to chew..."
Corrupt looks at Horror and Horror nods before looking at Nightmare "Anything you like?"
Nightmare blinks and actually focusses on Horror for a moment. His hold on his tentacle tightens but seems to relax when he sees that Horror just waits as he stays in place and doesn't get closer.
Nightmare looks away and shrugs "Don't have stuff that i really like..." he rubs the tentacle. maybe it helps to sooth him?
Horror nods "Fair enough. We will have to get you to taste test a few things to see what you like." and he walks off before he can get a reply.
The others had already quietly left the room which Ngihtmare registers as he looks around soft "They move quiet..."
Corrupt nods "I know. I hardly ever hear them. I notice them by sensing their emotions more than anything."
Nightmare looks up unsure "They... they won't get mad? Others always get mad when i... used that..."
Corrupt smiles and shakes his skull "They won't... Will you let me help you get cleaned up?"
Ngihtmare blinks and looks down only to stare at the mess he is. Clearly not having realised that "Oh... euh..." he looks unsure as he looks hard at Corrupt "You... ARe you the one who spoke to me?"
Corrupt frowns as he tilts his skull "spoke?"
Nightmare nods as he rubs his hand "When... whenever i was sad and scared... I always heard this voice... it was very quiet and begged me to stay near... let them help... Was that you?"
Corrupt frowns as he thinks back. trying to remember the voice that Nightmare speaks off. But he can't remember those moments... What he does remember instead are his dream. showing the other side of the same conversation. Corrupt looks at Nightmare "I must admit I am unsure myself. I do not have memories of my own from before you ate the apple. I do... however... have your memories. For a long time i beleived those to be my own."
Nightmare looks away ashamed and mutters "oh...."
Corrupt shakes his skull "You don't need to be ashamed... you are a child... you shouldn't have had the pressure on you that was placed on you... and those who hurt you... they are the ones who are wrong. You never did anything wrong."
Ngihtmare nods but looks sad "I... I thought you were that voice... you sounded familiar and... I felt like i knew you."
Corrupt frowns and speaks sfotly "There are however dreams i had. Dreams that I wasn't you. But looking on from the outside... unable to assist. But I wanted to help you."
Nightmare thinks it over before looking at Corrupt and nods "okay... I would like being clean..."
Corrupt smiles and carefully picks Nightmare up. Noticing now that any goop touching any bones on Ngihtmare causes the same effect as the touches to the tentacles had caused. He hadn't noticed in his panic before.
Corrupt slowly leaves the living room and goes towards the hall before going up the stairs. As he walks he points at each room and area as he softly explains what is what. Ngihtmare looks around in shock and mutters about it being an actual castle. Corrupt smiles as he feels the excitement slowly start to appear in the younger empath.
They get to Corrupts room and he takes Ngihtmare towards the bathroom. Ngihtmare looks around confused as his hold tightens "what?"
Corrupt speaks softly as he explaisn how the bathroom works before turning on the tab of the bath. Letting Nightmare feel the water before making sure the water is nice and comfortable. He lets Ngihtmare sit by the water and play wiht it as he goes to look through the soaps and brushes. Getting everything needed to help clean up the young skeleton.
It only takes a moment before Corrupt returns to Nightmare's side. Ngihtmare looks nervous at him before looking at the water "will... will the water hurt you?"
corrupt stops and stares at Ngihtmare. He had expected th young skeleton to be worried about being exposed and naked in front of someone he didn't know. instead he is worried about Corrupt.
Corrupt smiles "I will be fine. Water does not bother me." to show he puts his hand in the water and shows how his goop just doesnt'mix with the water, all the rises off him was some old dirt from the battle. Nightmare looks at it curiously and touches it. the goop still lights up when their magic meets.
Ngihtmare frowns "why does it do that?"
Corrupt hums and shrugs "I can only assume it is because our magics have a similar source. it recognises each other as-" family. He manages to stop himself.
Nightmare tilts his skull as he stares at him. a tiny smile appears on his face "I already got a mom though."
Corrupt sighs and looks at the younger monster "please don't start to. I already have four of them doing that joke."
Nightmare chuckles before looking at the water "Bath time?"
Corrupt nods and gently helps Ngihtmare out of his dirty clothes and into the water. Ngihtmare hums happily and relaxes. Corrupt looks him over but doens't see any scars or marks of the past wounds. completely healed.
Corrupt smiles "You really are healed..." It makes it worth it. Makes it worth having to experience the pain of Ngihtmare splitting from his body.
Nightmare looks in awe at his body "You healed me... You kept your promise."
Corrupt frowns as he starts helping the younger monster bath as he still can't quite move right yet "What do you mean?"
Ngihtmare hums as he relaxes into his hold, full trust "The voice... it said that if i just gave in. To accept help. That the pain would stop." he smiles "You stopped the pain."
Corrupt looks at him before smiling "I am happy I was able to help you. I was worried before... That i had hurt you... that eating the apple to make me, destroyed you."
Nightmare keeps looking at him. Some suspicion in his feelings before he relaxes and smiles back. believing him. Why would Nightmare just believe Corrupt on his word-
Oh... of course...
Nightmare and Corrupt are both empaths. They can feel the other and feel that they are both honest. That they don't want to hurt each other.
That is what the trust is build upon. Something that was clear instantly from their first interaction.
After that Corrupt just helps Nightmare get clean as Ngihtmare uses the water to slwoly move his limbs.
Nightmare looks unhappy with the uneasy movement.
Corrupt chcukles "You were asleep for a long time Nightmare. It will take some time before you regain your full movement again."
Nightmare looks at him "Why... why did Drema shoot you?" he looks so confused "Your magic is like mine... why would he attack you?"
Corrupt stops and sighs "Your brother hates me. Because He thought I killed you."
Nightmare frowns as he looks up at him "But... you didn't... it was.. them... the villagers... not you..." he frowns "did you tell Dream that?"
Corrupt sighs "I tried to explain it to him a long time ago... He didn't beleive me."
Nightmare just looks sad as he leans heavily into his hold "He never believed me either."
Corrupt frowns "I am sorry."
Nightmare shrugs as he moves the dirty water around "I am used to it..."
Corrupt rubs his shoulders "People believe what you say here. I promise. They will listen to you."
Nightmare frowns before nodding "okay."
Corrupt nods before smiling "Ready to get dressed?"
Nightmare frowns at the sad pile of clothes "i guess?"
Corrupt shakes his skull and stands up "You are comfortable right? stable? No leanign to the side?"
Ngihtmare looks unsure but nods "I am okay... No one will get in?"
Corrupt nods "no one will bother you." Ngihtmare accepts it and Corrupt quickly goes ot his closet and reaches around. It doesn't take long before finding a soft sweater and some sweats. He returns to the bathroom and helps Ngihtmare dry off before helping him get dressed.
Clean and comfrotable safely in his arms.
Corrupt looks at Nightmare "ready to get some food?"
Nightmare looks at him before nodding "okay."
Corrupt leaves his room and goes towards the kitchen to meet up with one of his mates. Hopefully the others will like and accept Nightmare as easily as Corrupt did.
*--------------------*
Next Part.
#utmv#nightmare sans#deaged nightmare#dadmare nightmare#doublenootAU#dust sans#killer sans#cross sans#horror sans#okay i will admit this one got out of hand very very very quickly#Zero regret#also Corrupt: I WASN'T PREGNANT#corrupt's instincts: baby <3 my baby <3#corrupt very quickly: ... okay... maybe he is kinda mine after all#noot²#God this got so much longer than expected?!#Somehow?!#I swear I don't decide what my brian wants to type#I am like three hours further?!
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theres just so much comedy potential for twst ships to go on double date hang outs.... leomal (malleo?) + kalisil go to the beach or something. kalims burying silver in the sand while leona and malleus try to drown each other in the ocean :^)
#twst#kalim al asim#silver twst#leona kingscholar#malleus draconia#kalisil#malleo#silkali#twisted wonderland#cereal tries to draw#for every tag i add to a post that isnt just me yapping i fear i will be . killed.#drawing leona is so fun i love a good hater moment#i think maleus and leona arent even dating [yet] in this scenario#they just kinda got roped along for the ride#i was just thinking about how theres that running joke in the game of like#kalim and silver specifically just Missing The Point and being so good boy about everything#that like they dont notice the mega hater aura around everyone else#like in that one vignette where leona was like I Fucking Hate Malleus Draconia#and silver was like wow. i cant believe malleus made a friend. this is great.#meanwhile sebek is like i have to kill this man NOW!!!!! god theyre so funny. anyway#and kalim always being like LEONA MY GOOD BUDDY AND FRIEND WE ARE GONNA HAVE SOOOO MUCH FUN TOGETHER#and leonas like I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE!!!! fairy gala and playful land my beloved lol#plus kalim and silver want malleus to be included in things and have a good time SO!!! combine the good boy powers they can do it#they can make a maleleo date happen somehow LOL and they can hold hands while they do it....#leona and malleus somehow suckered into making it a bet of who would back out first or w/e idk#stupidass bitches like well. ill kick your ass at being a good date and having fun. prepare to die#and kalim and silver are like im glad theyre having fun too :^)
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ok sitting down for a moment at disneyland. elaborating on the post-beat concert shenanigans in the tags
#for those of you invested in my silly misadventures#ok so .#there was the meet n greet earlier which as i said was short but very nice and i was squimshed against ade for the photo#AFTER THE SHOW . go around the concert venue to the area by the stage door#but unlike the beacon theatre we were a long ways away from the stage door it was the huge parking lot and we were fenced off#and based off of the spars concert from last year at the beacon where the guys just left after we waited for almost an hour#i didnt really expect the beat guys would come over or anything but i was willing to wait a while#and wait a while we did and then danny carey came out and eventually came over to us and was really sweet and signed stuff#he wasnt taking any photos but was very nice just like the epitome of fun drummer guy#waited a while more. doubting still that the other guys would come over#next was adrian! and being the absolute sweetie he is he did come over and everything abt him is true#hes just the most wondrous sweet guy ever. he was also radiating comforting dad energy bc that annoying prog fan was there again#and ade was kind of like nicely protective where i was w my friend#ade also liked my inner revolution shirt and remembered me from the meet n greet :)#waited a while more and then eventually steve vai came out and well im sorry what can i say . i was 😵💫#it didnt help that when he signed my poster (as the other guys had before him) that like. his hand was resting on my hand god anyway#im sorry. old men musicians are my number one weakness as anyone whos been following me knows#oh i had gotten a blurry photo w ade and then got a flash photo w steve. its horrifying <3#we waited like an hour more for tony who was on a long ass phone call#but very nicely he came over too and somehow the photo w him turned out nicest. hes such a sweet polite guy#he also sounds like ron mael kinda lol#and thats my adventure!#and now ive spent an obscene amount to see em again. god
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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okay but like, sad headcanon time because idk what my brain's doing.
stan's chain? it was originally his dads. how he got his hands on it? i dunno, but everytime i look at it in comparison to how it's depicted in the lost legend comic , the similarities are unmistakable.
#・ ˖ ✦ ⋄ . HEADCANONS ❝ stanley pines. ❞#i literally have no idea how he gots his hands on it#considering how their dad obviously kept it locked away or kept it close at all times#maybe he snuck it somehow when he was kicked out?? im not sure. doubt he'd even have enough time to grab it#since the whole thing was kinda out of nowhere#but uh LEMME KNOW WHAT Y'ALL THINK IG????#( gravity falls tw! )
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i did a thing
#crocheting#it was a really shitty day and i don't want to talk about it. i just need to yap#i will probably unknowingly say some borderline deranged traumatizing things further but idk its just the way i am#my existence itself is a major trigger warning so be aware#the only highlight of the day was the (i suppose) wlw couple i saw at the subway while pulling out shit like burdock out of my dress#i won't elaborate on the last piece can i be a little mysterious and less pathetic#so the wlw couple. one girl hugged the arm of the other girl and put the head on her shoulder. i saw that and was like “damn”#if you have a person you can willingly do things like that with you should know i would kill god just to be in your shoes#please cherish it#i didnt really look at them that much but then we got off on the same station and somehow they managed to overtook me#they were right ahead of me still all over each other and then it has striked me#that the girl hugging the arm of the other one was actually disabled and she needed help to walk properly#actually they were faster than me because my legs today are a total mess lol it hurts like hell just to make a step#but this is obviously just a temporary inconvenience and its nowhere near the problem that girl has#i don't compare myself to her in this regard but ive found this parallel kinda poetic#like how i as a relatively healthy individual with no major health issues was envious as fuck of those two#how i was walking in 0.25x with a shit ton of thoughts in my head while she was limping happily with a girl in her hand and smiling#no pity just envy and pure admiration. i want what they have#but im not sure if I deserve it. or actually need it#if i actually had something like that in my hands i don't know whether or not i would crush it into pieces#and then cry over it to the day i die. do you get it. am i too dramatic or too shallow as a person#originally i planned to talk about another thing entirely but this day has crushed my head and heart like a hammer#and now its turned to mush#no i guess it was a mush since long ago. then lets say this day was just crap. or life itself#nothing really happened to me but it reminded me of how helpless i am as a person vs the world and i hate being helpless#maybe ill tell you the story of how i lost the sensation in my fingertips another time when im not that traumatised by life events#(i lost it by saving a damsel in distress after walking out of the night bar a year ago. its a clickbait)
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Being very brave and starting a (supposed.) one skein shawlette with a labelless ball of yarn inherited from my grandmother this can surely only end well
#girl you are going to Run The Fuck Out#anyways didn’t wanna go out and buy anything so it’s a work with what we’ve got situation. using some of her old needles too and they are#plastic-sticky and bendy and have little trains as stoppers. but they are the right size and length asdjj I ammm a metal needle truther so#if I find another appropriate pair we’re switching but for now. just wanted something to do with my hands we’re prohibitively but not#dangerously sad at the moment so it’s just a matter of waiting it out for a few months. maybe this’ll help :)#tacit rambles#I also feel kinda weird using my grandmothers stuff like it’s been a few years and I know it’s what she’d want (she said as much) but it#feels. disrespectful somehow. people kept trying to get me to take it when she was still alive and THAT was strange like she was terminally#ill but still alive and I did not like that. and it seems it carried over. but she had a HUGE collection and I don’t want it to go to waste.#I suppose they might have donated it already but if not the next time I’m down there I might go through some stuff. maybe.
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5 Happy Things
May 24, 2024
hehe it's the 24th and the year is 2024
my digestive system is working great and i can eat food with basically no problems yayyy
did some work today!!
got to help a friend <3
got to study in a cafe!
#5 happy things#slept through my alarm but it was actually good. isn't that crazy how things go wack out of plan but life is still good?#anyways my mouth kinda hurt today so i didn't eat out but i came home and ate some popcorn and finished my essay#so i'm pretty happy <3 hehe#today was a day of miracles it was just so good#slept through my alarm but it actually worked out for the better#went to study at a cafe with some other girls and went with them to get lunch#but the lunch was yucky so i went to a friend's house to give it to her bc she'd like it#turned out she wasn't feeling great and i was able to give her some stuff i had on hand for such situations#as a result she was able to feel better but now i didn't have lunch. so i went to a cafe i'd been planning to go to for lunch#the bus stop to the cafe was 6 min walk on maps but the bus was due in 2 min. somehow i got there exactly as the bus pulled up#and near that cafe was a dollarama! and i remembered i've been procrastinating on buying new pens for a week or so!#so i got the pens i've been needing to get!#studied hard at the cafe and had a good time#it was walking distance from my place so i went back and the walk and sun gave me the energy to write my essay#everything just chained together so well today <3
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thinking abt how earlier today i started playing lonesome road and got to the section w all the deathclaws and got cornered in an area whilst on vc and kept wailing and crying irl and begging for help bc it Kept Killing me😭😭😭😭
for reference i was stuck inside a destroyed trailer thing and it was glitched and unable to enter until fucking ed-e distracted it and made it come down from where it was. it then imediately ran inside and tried to kill me. there was also a second one i didn’t know about until it fucking Appeared.
i am enjoying lonesome road. sort of.
#like plot wise holllllllly shit it’s fucking show stopping i am getting my ass handed to me on the daily though. not even daily. hourly.#by the minute. i just got out of the deathclaw highway area thing past the 2nd missile silo and i’m kinda stuck there bc the huge group of#marked men keep fucking kicking my ass. i’m literally drugged up and launching fucking grenades at these guys and they somehow kill me#every time with their dork ass gun. god damn it. can i just talk to ulysses and flex me 100 speech yet. please. please. pl#eliasposting#fallout
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I
<3
In between arc (kinda) episodes
Pt. 3
#so MOMOS GRANDPA IS ALIVE??? AND PLUTON IS HERE SO ROBIN LIED TO CROCODILE IN ARABASTA! QUEEN#THE NEW ADMIRAL JUST KILLED QUEEN AND MAYBE KING (PLEASE DONT!!) AND IS CALLING FOR A WARSHIP TO KILL LUFFY#oh luffy grabbing kid akdhaksj reluctant friend maker they call him... wdym youre going to kill me... come here lets smush cheeks#luffy is such a humble king.... also why am i crying here thinking how everything is so brautiful (and otsuru is alive) and i have to find#out buggy is a yonkou. what the hell did he do against the marines akdbaisbsks ????? HOW????#ofc luffy is obvious.... also the admiral could roam arund wano a little and grow some plants all over... it is needed after all...#take a breath.... meditate what you're going to do...#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1080#also why is jinbe in there alone??? also i thought pluton was nika but pluton is in wano??? metaphorically yes.... my theory is in shambles#SHANKS???? 'momo and hiyori must have grown' well... recent update actually...#yamato got him!!!! fuck yes!!!#yasopp isnt ready to see usopp???? well boohoo... also why does this guy care about kid... nvm shanks got his arm i forgor xd#so shanks new about the fruit.... bc not even whos who knows...#barto burning shanks flag omg akdhsks#SABO KILLED COBRA???? that has to be a setup.... kuma escaped!!!! sabo is more popular than dragon somehow??? its bc he actually does stuff#MOMO CAN MAKE FIRE?? well kinda... shanks goes for the one piece.... what's in the air??? like you didn't have time before???#once again i <3 in between arc episodes.... i love getting fed new info....#nami new sharpshooter usopp step aside... and with one hand only... oh nvm.... it is rigged then#episode 1082#law and robin ponebesties.... jack gyojin???? also that is such a way to construct a city... wth RED PONEGLYPH!!! 3/4!!!#opening the frontiers frees the weapon.... inch resting also did luffy talk to him??? yamato could hear him because of the king's haki???#what is up with shank's haki.... jesus christ.... they were just watching lmao luffy can feel shanks omg.....#did he just leave or does he need the poneglyph still???#episode 1083
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i have a dr appointment in two hours and i scheduled a therapy app for monday and i have an interview friday
#suddenly i am the busiest girl#im nervous#i somehow got an interview for the job i was most interested in#but now i’m having second thoughts ..#what if i don’t like it and i take the job and it’s just a big mistake#but on the other hand i just need SOMETHING#especially if therapy goes well and i wanna keep going#it’s a telehealth one which isn’t what i was hoping for#but i’m gonna give it a shot anyways#who knows maybe i’ll like it#and the hospital has a room for it so i can come in and do it there. i don’t have to do it at home#which is nice :]#i hope things work out..i rlly do..#im nervous and kinda scared. just. in general#but first things first i’m gonna worry about my dr visit for today#i was able to schedule one very last minute for the day which was nice#i hope they can figure out what’s wrong with me..#snow.txt
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I also got a bloody nose while waiting in line at macys and i was sniffling tryna get thru the transaction and sat on the bench holding tissue to my nose, blood on my face cause i had to hold my nose with my palm at one point and got it on my face while my mom went to find tissue or something and it made me so tired and dizzy i almost threw up and almost fell over in another store and ended my day with 15min left in the mall where in which i had to sit down and accept defeat
#sorry if it sounds kinda whiney#but like this is my blog my diary so i get to be#but also like i treasure a good mall day with my mom its just like my fave thing#and it went exactly how i didnt want it to go#and my dehydrated little brain fried itself when i had to deviate from my plan and routine#like we always go to f21 and go to the top floor to look at clearence and everyone mumbled aroune the ground floor#and in my head i was like no!! we arent following the rules!! stop!! this isnt how you properly go to the mall!#im not gonna get an A in going to the mall which is normal to want and achive#and then we went into hot topic which is thr size of a large book closet and my cousi. walked near me and was like ur still here?#girl what do you mean im still here we've only been in here 20min im in the other corner 15 steps away from you#also the cashier lady at macys somehow knew my last name? even tho i didnt give an email or a phone number to my reccolection?#she handed me my stuff as i was on the phone with my mom being like hey pls find tissues asap and she saif have a nice day miss last name#and it threw me off but i was preoccupied trying not to have an bloody nose in the macys since the one on friday was horrendous#and it was all dripping down the back of my throat i ended up spitting it out in the thrashcan by the exit#but like how did she know? cause i have the like point account but i didnt give it to her does my card info popup on screen?#is my card like linked somehow and i popped up that way idk it was weird#but i got a v e r y nice shirt for 10 bucks#i did give her my zipcode so maybe that?
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🌻
#idk whether i find my dad's refusal to see me as a functioning adult to be mostly cute or mostly obnoxious#cos it's like...i moved out from my parents' place in mid-2014. i've been living an 11h(-ish) drive from their place since then#so i've been managing w/o their constant presence & direct input for over a decade. and i've done so reasonably well#like i've always paid my rent and bills on time and i've learned how to cook and clean and do basic home repairs and i've never--#--made any choices that put my own or other people's well being and/or safety at risk#in other words there's absolutely no reason why my parents (mostly my dad) should doubt my ability to deal with--#--normal everyday life-things and to figure out solutions when a problem arises#yet when the time came to change to winter tyres on the car my dad insisted on making the fucking 11h drive TO DO IT FOR ME#and for context: there's a mountain pass separating my home ''town'' aka where my parents live from where i live#and that mountain pass is snowy and miserable and lowkey dangerous to cross by car this time of year#and i was just like dude i can change my own fucking tyres and if i for some reason decide that i can't--#--then i'll just get the pros to do it? you don't have to drive all that way to do it for me like i'm still 18 and just got my license?#but no he made the drive and changed the tyres for me and would barely even LET ME HELP. like i just stood there and handed him--#--the tools like i was 8 years old again BUT at one point i was allowed to tighten the bolts on one of the wheels:)#except not really cos as soon as i was done he went over them to check that i'd done it properly#and don't get me wrong he's not an overbearing man at all. he's not a besserwisser. he tends to stay back and let me live my life#it's just when it comes to things that could in theory pose a threat to my safety or general well-being--#--that he decides that uhhh actually you're still 13 years old as far as i'm concerned and i need to do my fatherly duty here#makes me think of when i went home last year to spend a few days there and both my parents were like--#--wait wtf do you mean you know how to operate a washing machine#and i was kinda just like.....bro what#what exactly do you people think i've been doing with my laundry for the last almost-decade#and don't even get me started on when they realised i knew how to cook#again: my dad is not overbearing and neither is my mum. they're generally very laid back and always have been#and i love them and i'm so grateful for everything they have done and continue to do for me#but also holy shit i'm almost 30 years old and somehow they remain baffled that i'm not still the 19yo that moved out in 2014
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i don't wanna be mean but the pacific would have been much better if they didn't include john basilone's story sorry. i love lena and i appreciate lena's inclusion but in terms of focus and what's interesting, they should have just made it half robert leckie and half eugene sledge. then maybe they wouldn't have messed up or omitted so much about the actual war. like give john basilone his own series if you must, im sure that with more detail his story is fascinating. but like, amidst all the other things happening on the show, especially considering most people think that sledge's perspective is the best part, i just think basilone's storyline falls a bit flat.
#but shout out to john and lena like that was really nice i dont dispute their story got to me#but thats all of episode 8#everything before episode 8 about john made me think 'thats nice but go back to bob leckie please'#in terms of romance i prefer the idea that the only sense of romantic love we get is at the very end when leckie is home#like if it was just bob and vera that would feel somehow more poignant. like thematically#like allllll the rest of the show is horror and violence and despair and destruction and the scenes with the female nurses#and ONLY at the end do we get a sense of . thats over and now real life can begin#plus it bookends it nicely with bob bumping into vera in episode one and them holding hands in episode 10 . its good stuff#the john and lena in the middle kinda mess up that balance plus it doesnt intertwine as smoothly with the other stories#although the scene where the leckie group heckle the basilone group as they pass them with colonel puller#is so funny. hoosier voice I have a girlfriend? lucky me!
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Huh okay😭😂
QUIZ: which star wars villain are you?
oh my god 💀
#I mean I do have a thing for science (including evil scientists) so I'll take it😂#I'm not even sure what my opinion on him is to be quite honest#when TBB aired I was still kinda out of the loop with SW#I still watched all of it but it just didn't leave a super significant impact on me at the time#I do think he's an interesting character & villain and actually I'd like to know more about his backstory but I don't know if I 'like' him😂#(and I guess he's kinda handsome but we're not gonna talk about that now)#tbh I think I expected him to be more evil in a way? I mean he definitely was bad but idk I somehow thought he'd be more messed up still#like when he was introduced as the evil doctor I was expecting basically space Josef Mengele in terms of fucked-up-ness#but I feel compared to that he was actually tame (I mean good for everyone especially the protagonists)#tbf that also sets the bar pretty high but I feel just like even Hemlock wasn't *that* bad#I mean he's fictional anyway which already makes him much less horrible by default but still#obvi I didn't expect them to show any graphic dissections or anything but maybe some implications at more sinister experiments#and the whole thing with conducting experiments on clones could sort of be seen as similar to the twin experiments?#plus another part of his research was also focused on children#anyway Hemlock backstory novel when? (I need to know what's up with his hand that really bugs me tbh)#I got Thrawn in second place on the quiz though so yay💙#royce hemlock#star wars
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