#somehow made my headache fade tho

[thankstothe]

Cleaning pc is a whole experience

There's drama (cooling fan), tragedy (cooling fan), betrayal (cooling fan), suspense (cooling fan), came back wrong (cooling fan), not enough lube (cooling fan), there's only 4 holes (cooling fan), knot doesn't stay in (cooling fan), surprise villain (RAM)

[doberbutts]

Thank you for talking about the “able to get to the door but unable to stay inside” thing re:stimulation. My issues are less severe than yours were (creates chronic fatigue instead of severe meltdowns) but it’s kinda the first time I’ve heard anyone discuss them as a legitimate disabling barrier. I still have this “if I just try hard enough” mentality that I’m trying to overcome, and it helps to have someone else go “no, this is a real problem.”

Honestly the brain injury really opened my eyes because I do have ADD and had childhood epilepsy (been seizure-free since I was 8 tho) so we were somewhat conscious about sensory stuff but a lot of it was like. Okay every once in a while you will touch something that is Bad Texture and you will scrub your skin raw about it for the next couple of hours. Annoying repeating sounds fade into the background for you but God Forbid anyone talks while you're concentrating because now they've ruined everything. You'd rather starve than put Tastes Bad into your mouth and have gone to bed with hunger pains many times as a result. etc etc etc for me it wasn't so disabling but largely that was due to my mom knowing how to manage my symptoms and teaching me from a very young age how to cope.

And then with the seizures my major warning sign was a colossal headache that refused to go away which was a sign to go lay down somewhere quiet and dark for a few hours until it passed or else a lightning storm would happen in my skull :D

But the brain injury... that really upset everything. Which is commonly reported, when I was finally able to speak I told my neurologist that I felt like a completely different person and not in a good way and he said that most TBI survivors have said this.

Honestly the best way I can describe it is that. Hmm. Imagine... your TV is too loud. When I say too loud I mean like. It hurts to be in the same room as the TV, it's bordering on the edge of so loud that it makes you physically take a step back. When the TBI first happened, that was any and every stimulus to my senses. My clothes touching my skin was Too Loud. Tasting my food was Too Loud. The ambient light coming from my window was Too Loud. And so on and so forth. Because there was an actual damaged piece of my brain, it was really struggling to parse any more information than "oh, no, ow, make that stop".

I wore blacked out glasses inside because I couldn't stand to keep my eyes open otherwise. I would ask my roommates to whisper several rooms down if they were going to talk to each other or on the phone because even just hearing their footsteps was like someone was taking a hammer to my forehead. I was usually naked because the feel of my shirt against my back would set me off. There's a lot I can't remember from that time but I remember being so frustrated as I hid under my covers from the light and the ambient noise of living with a bunch of people and their pets that "trying harder" and "pushing through" honestly just made everything worse.

It's a lot better now. It'll be 5 years in July. But every once in a while something will still set me off and I will be back in that place, frustrated with myself as I feel my brain hurtling towards a Very Loud Meltdown that I cannot get to stop.

I just don't appreciate being told that it's somehow lesser because my legs work. Especially considering TBIs are so common, and they happen so fast. All it takes is one good knock on the head and then you'll be just like me.

[nightmaredxydreams]

theres no way i have this.

look, heres all the proof you need. im whining about not having DID lmao

who truly has DID and does that? no. body. thats all the proof you need

people who truly dissociate suffer from it. i dont. i love the numbness from my body that experiences so much discomfort (not even chronic pain not even pain like all other DID systems have just fucking discomfort, mostly caused by autism hypersensitivity) i love the feeling of being detached from my own flesh prison ugly undesirable embarassing body. i am fucking faking im prob psycho or sum shit lmaooo

i dont even dissociate that badly. other real DID and even OSDD systems be out here so dissociated they dont even fuckin know their name and feel like nothings real all the time. i never forget my name or personal information, i just forget what i just thought or zone out daydreaming or sum shit and say "whoops! i dissociated sorry" or if im lucky, have few seconds long derealization in little few day long episodes. i dont even fucking dissociate for real. definitely not enough to have DID

i never had severe trauma. i was too disabled and shielded. fuck, the disabilities i was born with prob mimic DID. brain damage to the hippocampus, a majorly affected part of the brain in DID put two and together lmao. who knows how psycho the brain damage made me. im autistic and intellectually disabled, all people with intellectual disability are perverts they get arrested for sex crimes more than other people lmfao ofc i was hypersexual at 3 there was no sexual abuse i am too ugly to be sexually abused or even desired ofc im faking being sexually abused to make me feel better about myself lmfaooo i just cant live with the fact i was born a worthless undesirable unfuckable ugly pervert

if i had DID i wouldnt fucking remember when i was 3 who tf u kiddin

im sensitive to yelling and the least little "threatening" tone or touch or even fucking hand signal. if i was really sexually abused id be triggered by sexual shit, not the least little thing like a trauma free scared little baby

if i had DID id switch out more, especially when triggered or in situations where it would help. idk if i even switch out, i prob js fall asleep, wake up and do shit in the early stages of waking up i dont remember. instead my alters are just back there and do nothing when im being retraumatized and i have to call out mentally loudly to get any alters to respond anymore. then just trying to communicate with them gives me a headache from hell. proof enough my alters are delusions and im some psycho. most of my "alters" are just vague faces with voices and not much of identity. most of them fade away. just like delusions.

i feel like im worthless unless i was sexually abused. my whole worth depends on it for some fucked up reason. i will get defensive toward the two people i live with who say it didnt happen, they arent honest all the time but when they say theres no chance it happened bc i was too shielded even tho i have memories of being alone w him (no abuse memories bc fuck no) i believe it and feel iffy when i even wonder if i was sexually abused. when i think about any other form of abuse i suffered or trauma i have, i feel like that means i wasnt sexually abused. i have no memories of it, i never did until someone pointed out that my hypersexuality at 3 was a sign of sexual abuse so i went diving for the memories myself. then what i got were a few random half ass flashbacks to the sexual abuse. if i was really sexually abused i wouldve had flashbacks to it waaay before i made myself remember. everyone else with ptsd, did osdd etc does

other people with DID feel broken and suffer because of their trauma. they remember it somehow and suffer from the effects of it. i just suffer from wanting to have the trauma to be valid, not knowing if the trauma happened and having things trauma victims have but no memories of the trauma. the only flashbacks i have are to things i deserve, things that other people would agree i deserve and arent anywhere near as traumatizing as it can get for a real sexual abuse survivor. things that dont cause DID and rarely cause ptsd. i have cringe ass trauma. i dont have valid trauma.

i dont really have DID and i wasnt sexually abused. i just held onto the idea as an excuse for me being a worthless, born broken, jealous, delusional psycho pervert who will never amount to anything, never matter enough to get a job, marry or have a family, never mattered enough to be smart or do normal kid things because of my disabilities, never got to be cool and wont be, am trying to be cool and matter when i never will, am so ugly my body doesnt deserve love and sure as fuck wasnt sexually desired as a little kid how fucking sick of me to even want that to matter, and dont matter because of my disabilities. im sorry for faking it all. no wonder my denial was so strong, it was never real anyway. now im gonna do some major fucking harm to my ugly waste of space and resources body and kill myself. im fucking sick and tired of living in hell from my own brain torturing me saying im worthless and not valid and more i cant say here. good fucking bye.

[snakebites-22]

Castle

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: This was a request submitted by @dreamerinthesun​. Thank you so much for this request and sorry for taking so long to write it. I also changed one slight detail of what you asked for because I kind of forgot about it until after I wrote it so...yeah. Sorry. I hope you still like it tho lol. 

Warnings: some swearing, Minho being a shithead, mostly fluffy and platonic friendship between Minho and Reader, bullying Gally

Word Count: 1261

Pairings: Newt x Reader, platonic Minho and Reader 

Summary: Reader is a very sweet and seemingly innocent person who is somehow best friends with the least innocent person in the Glade. At a Gathering discussing various things the Gladers need, Newt and the others discover that maybe Y/n isn’t as sweet and innocent as they think. 

Sidenote: There are a few details that may confuse people who haven’t read the books. Sorry not sorry. Go read them. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh come on, Newt!” 

It was a pretty regular day in the glade. Newt, your boyfriend, had limped himself into the Med-Jack hut complaining of some headache or some klunk, just so that he could spend some time with you and distract you from the actually injured Gladers. 

The blond boy just chuckled as he kissed your cheek, an innocent grin plastered onto his face. He absolutely adored it whenever you got angry. He found it super cute considering your normal sweet demeanor. Everyone in the glade knew how much of a sweetheart you were. You were always kind to everyone and always made sure to take care of your patients with the gentleness of a mother, and you also never swore. It was a very big and innocent contrast compared to the rest of the glade. 

You huff at him as you untangle yourself from within his arms to try and go back to the task at hand: organizing the medical shelves. They definitely were more stocked than they usually were, but bandages and other supplies were needed. You sigh as you sort through all of the materials. 

“Oh hey, I brought these for you,” you heard a beautiful British accent say, clearly only just remembering whatever this was. 

You turn to look at Newt as he pulls out a bundle and hands it to you. As you unwrap the faded fabric, a wonderful smell floats up to your nose. Lavender, primrose, rosemary, poppy, sage, yarrow, goldenrod. Newt had brought you herbs from the Trackhoes medical garden. It was your idea to have that garden in the first place, and it warmed your heart seeing how well the plants were doing. 

“Thank you, angel,” you said happily as you started prepping the plants for drying. 

As you were tying up the stems by the window, Minho strolled in. You looked over at him and raised an eyebrow, expecting some mischief. Minho was your best friend in the glade. It was a surprise to everyone at how well you both got along considering you were seen as practically polar opposites. He was loud, mischievous, snarky. You were reserved, kind, polite. Yet, whenever you weren’t with Newt you were usually seen with Minho. And usually, that meant you were the common sense to his chaos.

“Minho you know my rule,” you stated as you turned back to tying up the plants. “No shenanigans when I’m doing my job.” The Keeper of the Runners rolled his eyes as he leaned against the doorway with his arms crossed. 

“Shenanigans? Me? Never.” 

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes as Newt snorted in disbelief. “Yeah, sure.” 

A low chuckle could be heard from the dark haired boy. “Whatever you say, shank. Alby’s calling a Gathering. All the Keepers need to be there.” 

You bite back a groan of annoyance as you dust off your hands on your pants. You had been made Keeper of the Med-Jacks a couple months ago, and while it certainly had its perks, all the new responsibilities were kind of overwhelming. 

Newt nodded and stood up. He wasn’t a Keeper, but he was the Second-In-Command, so he still needed to attend. You took Newt’s hand before walking out of the room, Minho following behind the both of you. 

————————

You hated the Gathering Room. It was always hot and dusty and smelled like sweat and boredom. You were sitting in your place between Zart, Keeper of the Trackhoes, and Billy, Keeper of the Baggers. Minho was sitting in front of you. Newt and Alby were at the front of the room taking requests one by one from each of the Keepers of things that were needed. More nails for the Builders, more seeds for the Trackhoes, so on and so on and so on. 

You had already put in your request for more bandages and twine, so now you were just biding your time until you all were dismissed. Normally you’d be patient and listen intently to everyone’s needs, but today you really just wanted to leave. 

The sound of snickering grabbed your attention and pulled at it until you were focused on the source: Minho. Of course. 

You leaned forward until your head was practically over top of his shoulder before whispering, “What’s so funny?” 

Minho glanced at you with a familiar glint in his eye. This Gathering was about to get a lot more amusing. With a playful wink, the boy turned back around in his seat. He was focused on the front of the room. When you glanced up, you noticed Gally was standing near Alby and he was reciting various things he and his builders needed. Apparently, it was a lot more than just nails. You barely stifled a giggle as you watched Newt yawn from behind his hand. 

“We also need more rope. Alex used the last of it two days ago. And another thing-”

“Don’t forget to get yourself some more tweezers for your eyebrows, Captain Gally.”

You gasped out a laugh before clapping a hand over your mouth. Gally turned around and shot a glare at a smirking Minho. You weren’t the only one who had laughed. Newt was barely suppressing his laughs as his shoulders shook, and the ever so stoic Alby had a hint of a grin on his face. 

“Slim it, Minho,” Alby stated calmly. “Or you’ll be spending some time in the Slammer.” Minho let out a dramatic whine as he slumped in his seat. 

“Oh, come on Alby. I’m just saying the man needs his tweezers. He’s gonna have a unibrow soon if we don’t do something.” There were many more sounds of the other Keepers holding back chuckles and sounds of laughter as Gally’s glare hardened. You were giggling behind your hand.

“Minho if you have nothing serious to ask for then you can spend the rest of this meeting out in the Slammer,” Alby said seriously, but the light in his eyes betrayed his amusement. 

“Fine fine fine,” Minho said with a loud sigh. “Let’s see, I need some more trainers, notepads, some of those Runner undies you know what I’m talking about, hair gel-”

“Why are you like this?” Alby interrupted with a tired look. Minho just grinned in response as the other Keepers laughed and elbowed one another. 

“You may want hair gel, but bitch I want a castle.”  

You have never heard a room go quiet so fast as all eyes turned to you. The grin slid from your face as quickly as it had arrived as you glanced over everyone’s shocked faces. 

“Since when did you swear?” Winston questioned as he turned to look at you with interest. 

“Shit, Y/n. You never swore around these slintheads?” Minho asked as he looked back at you with delight. You only shrugged in response. 

“Wait hold on. Wait a bloody moment,” Newt said as he held his hands up for attention. “What do you mean ‘never swore’ around us?”

Minho let out a loud barking laugh as he looked around at everyone. “Y/n has the damn mouth of a sailor, is what I mean.” All eyes turned to you as you grinned sheepishly. 

“Well...he isn’t wrong. You’re all just fucking oblivious.” 

The rest of the day was spent ignoring the need to put in requests as everyone questioned you, wondering why they had all believed the idea that you were all goody goody and innocent when you were really just as rough as the rest of them. Also, where the klunk did the castle thing come from??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading!! As always, reach out to me if you would like to be added or taken out of my taglists! 

Tagging: @soft-petey @tommysparker @lekirra018 @stixnstripesworld @orowit @dreamerinthesun

[sarcastic-bubble]

Comfort from Nightmares

Paring: Cal Kestis x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Death, violence, sooo much agnst. Like a litle fluff at the end tho!

Summary: Reader can’t sleep and (our softest boi) Cal takes it upon himself to help. 

A/N: The plan was to write something fluffy but then I watched a sad movie and apparently and had to channel the pent up angst somehow. I swear the next fic with Cal will be the fluffiest thing to ever exist. 

Masterlist

Sleeping had been hard for you since you had fled the Jedi Temple all those years ago. But a mix of violent nightmares and constant fear of being killed as soon as you let your guard down would be enough to keep anyone up at night. There were some nights where sleep was impossible, and tonight was one of those nights.

You sat on your cot; legs crossed. The hum of the Mantis’s engines created a white noise that blocked everything else out. With your eyes closed, you began taking deep breaths. If you couldn’t sleep, then you were determined to meditate. But on nights like these, peace was impossible to find. As you centred yourself in the force you felt your concentration slip and then you were thrown into a vision of the past, one that you had far too many times.

You ran and you didn’t dare take a moment to look back. You gripped your small lightsaber tightly. It was useless now, having been broken while trying to defend yourself from a clone, but you felt safer holding it. You needed to find your master, you were scared and had no clue what was going on. Despite being a padawan it was moments like these you felt like a youngling again. The further you ran the more corpses you came across and the more your mind threatened to shut down on you. What had your master taught you again? Peace within battle? But how were you supposed to find peace when you kept spotting the terrified faces of your friends littered among the dead. You desperately tried to find that peace your master spoke so often of but no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t block out the grief and fear. So, you continued to do the one thing you knew how. Run.

When your legs were threatening to give out you felt a mental tug, it had to be your master reaching out to your through the force bond you shared. You let the force guide you as you ran down the maze of halls until you were met with the sight of your master slouched against a wall. Even as young as you were you could tell that he was dying. He beckoned you closer to him and in a weak voice, he spoke. “My dear Padawan I fear our training has been cut short. Before I pass allow me to share one more lesson.”

You ran to him and knelt down at his side, the panic worse that it had it been throughout this whole ordeal. “No master! We’ll get out of this, you’ll be fine. You can’t leave me yet, I still have so much to learn!” You chocked out. You couldn’t stop the tears any longer. They flowed freely down your cheeks and then dripped gently onto the floor.

“This lesson is about loss. A lesson that one as young as yourself should never have to learn. You will feel grief you’ve never experienced before and you will feel like giving up dear padawan, but even with the most painful of ends, there is a new beginning. After tonight all you know, and love will be gone but you go out into the world and continue to do good and help those who cannot help themselves. This is not your end Padawan it’s simply the start to your own grand adventure in this galaxy. And if you feel as lost as I often do when I start something new, know that I will always be with you.” He paused for a moment as he searched his robes for something. Eventually, he pulled out a small Datapad and placed it into your hands. “This holds the key to your survival. Now run before you are found.”

It broke your heart to turn away from your master, to leave him there to die alone. But when he said to run you ran. It was when you were safely hidden outside the Jedi Temple when you finally felt him die.

You groaned and rested your head against the wall, tears wetting your sleeve as you whipped them away. You looked to your bedside table; in the dark, you could barely make out the outline of your lightsaber. It was still broken, all these years and you had never bothered to fix it or rebuilt it. After surviving that night, you had felt like you were hardly worthy to wield such a powerful weapon. Most days you couldn’t even bring yourself to touch the thing without feeling waves of guilt and sadness. You left in view with the hope that one day you’d heal enough to be able to use it again. To be able to go out and help the galaxy like the Jedi. It was supposed to be a symbol of hope but tonight it was just a painful reminder.

You stood and slipped a warm robe over your nightclothes. You quietly stepped out of your small room. You expected to be alone but when you entered the main living area of the Mantis but Cal greeted you with a sleepy smile. “What are you doing up so late?” he said stifling a yawn.

“Nightmares. Why are you up Cal?” you asked but you had a feeling you already knew the answer.

“Just couldn’t sleep,” he replied. He looked down at a small pot of water that was currently boiling. “Want some tea?”

“Yeah, thanks,” you answered doing your best to give him a small smile. He picked up the small pot and poured the hot water into two small cups that he must have laid out before. He held out the cup and you took it enjoying the warmth it radiated. You followed him down the steps and then took your usual position on the couch. With your knees pulled up against your chest you sipped at your tea. “You already had two cups out, did you know I was awake?”

He shrugged as he leaned up against you. “I had a feeling.” You enjoyed his touch, it was comforting, it always had been. This had become a common occurrence when you both found yourselves sleepless. You felt yourself relax, although the feeling of grief that had been with you since your attempt to meditate never faded. “Were they worse than usual tonight?” he asked quietly his eyes reflecting an amount of concern you had only seen on a few other occasions.

“What makes you think that?” you ask taking another sip of the tea.

“You’re crying,” he gently pointed out. He set his cup down on the coffee table used a thumb to wipe your tears away. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

All it took was his hand taking yours for you to start telling him everything. “It’s not just in my dreams now, I get these vivid visions of that night when I meditate. The more I heal my connection with the worse they become. Where I used to find peace is only the guilt of leaving my master to die and the grief of having to continue on without him.” You had managed to get the words out between choked sobs. You had never been at talking about these nightmares.

Cal may not have had the same experience, but he was all too familiar with those emotions. He pulled you into a tight and comforting embrace. He tucked your head under his chin and gently ran his hand through your hair as you cried. He wished he could take your pain away. He wished there was something he could say to make all troubles go away, but he knew from his own experience that there wasn’t. So, he made a silent promise to himself then, he may not be able to take your pain away, but he could do everything in his power to help you through it. You had been there for him many a night, helping him work through his troubles. Now it was his turn to be there for you. So, he made a promise to himself. He promised to be there to comfort you when you were at you were feeling broken and spend every moment, he could trying to make you happy. “You should get some rest,” he quietly mumbled.

“We both know that’s impossible,” you protested face still buried against his chest.

“What if we sleep together tonight?” he suggested. If you could have seen his face, there would be no mistaking the small blush the crept up his cheeks. “You might sleep better if you’re not alone.”

You just nodded. You were incredibly tired, and you could feel a headache coming on. Cal leaned back laying down on the couch and he gently tugged your hand prompting you to lay on top of him. You were far too tired blush at the contact as you rested against him. It only took moments for sleep to start taking you. But instead of the usual anxiety, you felt there was only peace. There was something magical about Cal’s embrace, something so soothing about being able to hear his heartbeat. But what finally lulled you to sleep was his hand running through your hair.

----

You were woken up the next morning by a gentle shake. Bleary-eyed you sat up and without thinking grabbed the cup that was being offered to you. You could hear Cere and Greez in the kitchen behind you and if front of you Cal stood grinning. “Have any more nightmares?” he asked.

You had to think for a moment, but you couldn’t stop a grin from appearing on your own face when you answered. “No, I didn’t!”

“Good!” Cal ruffled your already messy hair as he sat down next to you. He could only laugh as you raked your fingers through your (H/L) locks to try and make some sense of the mess. “We should sleep like that every night.” He stammered. It was moments like these when he hated being so pale. There was absolutely no way anyone could miss the bright red blush that covered the grinning man’s face.

However, you didn’t hide your blush any better as you replied, “I’d like that.”

From the kitchen, you heard Greez shout. “I don’t care what you two do just don’t do it on my couch!”

You and Cal broke out in a fit of laughter, nightmares forgotten for the time being.

[thatordinaryoddity]

Once In A Blue Goddamn Moon

a 💗 Jamie & Dani Fanfiction 💗 [The Haunting Of Bly Manor, Netflix 2020]

written by thatordinaryoddity

Rating: K+

Words: ~9,5k

Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Status: Complete (will be uploaded in three chapters + Prologue)

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27475423/chapters/67177879

FF.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13742358/2/Once-In-A-Blue-Goddamn-Moon

Summary: Jamie leaves Flora’s weeding more wrapped up in her thoughts than usual. In all those years, there hadn’t been a day without thinking of her deceased lover Dani. But sometimes, once in a blue goddamn moon, events coincide in an exceptional, odd way.

A/N: Good evening/morning/afternoon, lovely people out there! As promised, here’s the first bit of my Damie FF. The ending of Bly Manor just left me a sobbing wreck so I decided to make my own end... or rather sequel? I do apprectiate the canon, tho, so I tried my best to connect my story to it. I also just wanted to let you know that the story is already finished and will be published in three segments + Prologue (here on tumblr, as well as on AO3 & fanfiction.net when I get the access). It’s beta-read but I need to tell you that none of us is a native speaker, so there might be some mistakes. But we tried our best. 

Anyways, let me preface this with a few warnings: I’d rate this fanfiction as K+ to F, but if you’re very sensitive to topics like depressions or a moderate description of injuries please be warned. Also, I’ve tried to look up a few things to keep the fic as realistic as possible (as far as this is possible for a ghost story bUt iT’s A lOvE stOrY), so the mysterious coincidences I’ve mentioned in the summary truly took place this year.

As always, have fun, stay awesome and leave me any form of feedback as it is very much appreciated. So let’s start with the Prologue. Even if it’s shorter than the other chapters, it’s all I’ll leave here today... but don’t you worry folks, the next segment will be out tomorrow!

Prologue

____________________

 Red.

It was as if her whole surroundings were tinted in that faded reddish colour. As if a sheer haze lingered over her mind and body. As if she had developed some sort of colour-blindness. Every contrast and every detail were there, but it seemed like some sort of strange, twisted, alternate reality.

Red.

The colour was faded and vibrant at the same time, it was dark like a rose but also bright like the warmth of a chimney fire. It was like a restless dream, like a headache, like a buzz, like a lover’s first kiss – a feeling like your knees were about to give in. She looked down to her feet, scrutinizing her body. Placing one hand on the back of her head.

Red.

She herself was dyed in that colour. Her clothes, her skin. And all felt so dull, so empty, so hollow. Her ears rang in a deep pitch, her whole head seemed to vibrate. The other hand raised in front of her face, she looked past her fingers which were slowly moving, trying to wake herself up from this reverie. Was she dreaming? Was this even real?

Red.

She turned, noticing that there was absolutely nothing. Just one instant earlier, she was standing there beside that suburban lane, surrounded by trees painted in those beautiful auburn colours from the onset of autumn. Those gloomy streetlamps just there, about to go to sleep, as the new day had already awoke. She turned again, more hectically this time. And again there was only this colour which seemed to have devoured everything around her.

Red.

Then, suddenly, this strange noise inside her head stopped, shattered like glass as it was interrupted by a voice, unknown yet somehow familiar. She turned again, trying to figure out where the voice had echoed from in all this nothingness. And the red was gone.

“I’m surprised to see you here!”

~

The wedding had been great. Jamie got this warm feeling inside her chest, a faint smile growing on her face when she reflected on the event. She looked out the small window, her forehead leaned against it, down to the delicate carpeting of clouds beneath. The landscape below them was now too far away to even be recognisable. The fading sunlight reflecting off the cloudy carpet seemed like a notional farewell to the land of opportunity, her former, bygone home, which connected her to so many memories and even more pain.

It felt very odd talking to Flora as if she were a stranger to her, nothing but a distant relative of her father Henry, despite them having so much history together. Flora and her were connected by so much more than just a lousy lie of made up relations. Jamie’s attempt to tell her the truth about Bly Manor had been futile and left a rather bittersweet taste, as it was nothing more than a sad tale with a deeper meaning in Flora’s eyes it seemed. But maybe it was alright this way, maybe it was meant to be. If the grey-haired woman had learned one thing in her 56 years on this damn planet it was to accept happenings as they come. Most of the time there’s simply nothing else to do. And that insight too, was rather bittersweet, she thought.

She checked the time. Two hours twenty until landing. Somehow, the elderly woman felt relief inside her chest to be home again soon. Spending all those years alone had made her even more introvert than before, which was saying something. She had become less tolerant of crowds of people and tried to avoid meaningless conversations. All she needed were her plants and Teddy. Both were great listeners, both were understanding and both seemed to know that silence can be way more healing than a thousand empty words.

Jamie was tired. Her eyes were getting weary and her head heavy. The past few days had been exhausting in a number of ways. Still, her thoughts seemed louder than usual and she felt more unruly and restless. She chalked it up to the upcoming full moon on the weekend. She’d always been influenced by occurrences like this, suffering from headaches when the weather was changing and having trouble finding sleep in the waxing moon. Generally, she was quite sensitive to her surroundings, as if she could sense all those energies within and around everything, and the older she got, the more she realised and also appreciated this connection. She had always assumed there was a deeper meaning behind those perceptions. Maybe it was even more than that, maybe some kind of sign really. Maybe from another world, maybe from Dani. At least she tried to believe in this.  

Dani, she thought. For a brief moment she closed her eyes, trying to swallow all the uprising memories down. Not here, not now. Although it was decades ago, every memory and every thought of her beautiful lover still hurt like falling into a needle pit. Of course, in some ways her grief was getting easier over the years, yet in other ways it was getting harder to bear. Though she had already gotten used to this new kind of reality – a reality without Dani – life as she had known it was gone for good.

Over time, the sadness was no longer omnipresent, but instead, it had begun to wash over her in waves, bringing her to the brink of unconsciousness with its ferocity and sorrow, then receding, leaving her feeling gruesomely empty for days. The awareness that she would never be able to see or hear or hug or kiss the blonde woman again was almost too much to bear. In fact, it was unnerving, almost enraging, that life seemed to go on, and all she could do was swallow her feelings and try to live on.

Subconsciously, she twiddled with her engagement ring again while dwelling on all those heavy thoughts. This Claddagh ring – symbolising love, loyalty and friendship – was the only thing left of Dani... the only thing - except of course her corpse at the bottom of the lake at Bly Manor.  

[notveryglittery]

in which they have each other

summary: the circumstances are less than ideal. but at least they’re together. ship: pining royality (so technically platonic? they big gay for each other tho) word count: 1.2k / warnings: panic attack. mentions of piercings, tattoos, and a character tattooing himself while drunk author’s note: hi hi !! my second prompt for @sanderssidescelebrations​ 2019: stuck in the airport on christmas eve!! 

takes place in my flowers in your hair au. this fic happens before the events of the main story. many thanks to @fangirltothefullest for picking the numbers that combined this prompt + ship + au <3

read on ao3 | read more of my holiday prompts

— — — — — — 

Their flight was canceled. They were stuck.

Roman was feeling just a teeny, tiny, little bit claustrophobic. Nothing he couldn’t handle, of course! Just a couple of deep breaths and he’d be right as rain and twice as dandy! … Any moment now, Roman, go ahead. Big inhale through the nose, come on… Why did he keep getting caught! He cursed his lungs for not taking anymore air in, the blood pounding in his ears for not letting him focus, the panic grip— No! What panic? There was no panic! He w— 

“—an!” 

Something grabbed his hand and squeezed. It shocked him, just enough, out of his spiral. He blinked a few times, rapidly, aware suddenly of the way his vision was swimming. 

“Honey,” murmured a voice from seemingly nowhere, why was everything so fuzzy?  

His palm was pressed flat against something solid and oh, there was… a steady thump thump thump broke through his thoughts, a familiar rhythm, if only he could remember what it reminded him of. 

“— and hold three, four—” 

Without really realizing it, Roman was exhaling along to the sound of someone counting. In one two three four, they said, and then hold one two three four, and finally out one two three four. He seemed to be moving but finally having enough oxygen to start thinking properly again took priority over anything else. Besides, the even heartbeat under his palm was guiding him, and if there was one thing Roman could trust, he knew somehow that it was this. 

“There you go, sugar,” the voice whispered this time but it wasn’t just ‘the,’ it was… 

“Lovebug,” Roman sighed, closing his eyes and leaning in. 

Patton met him easily, pressing their foreheads together. His cool skin was a relief against the feverish warmth Roman was feeling. Patton’s hold on his wrist loosened but stayed otherwise, keeping the contact there for as long as he needed. They went through a couple more rounds of deep breathing like this, Roman slouched in the chair Patton had helped him into and Patton knelt in front of him. 

“I’m sorry,” was the very next thing Roman said, flinching as pain spiked abruptly through his skull. 

“Hush,” Patton consoled, pulling back. He stayed close in case Roman needed him again but otherwise, went shuffling through the bag at his side. Roman watched him with half-lidded exhaustion, only now becoming aware of the commotion around them. 

Right… surely, he wouldn’t be the only one upset about a canceled flight on Christmas Eve. It was one thing to be dramatic on stage or when working but to have a fit in front of— 

“Darling, I’m gonna need you to rephrase that,” Patton said, just loud enough to derail that train of thought. 

“I swear,” Roman muttered with a short laugh, “are you sure… you really can’t read minds?”

“Positive,” Patton ensured, “just like I want you to be.” He handed two pills to Roman, who knocked them back with a wince. He took the water Patton offered as well, drinking half of it before Patton made him slow down. “Or neutral,” he continued, “that’s fine, too.” 

“I…” Roman huffed, pressing the heels of his hands against his cheeks. “I wasn’t overreacting.” 

Patton started to stand, pressing a kiss to the top of Roman’s head as he did. “That’s right. You’re so smart,” he said, humming, “so talented, and strong, and handsome—” 

“Patton!” Roman squeaked, catching the slider on Patton’s jacket zipper. He gave it a lackluster tug and frowned up at his partner. In… in work. Nothing more. He hoped he could blame his sudden redness on the aftereffects of the panic attack. 

Shrugging the outerwear off, Patton draped it over Roman’s shoulders, before taking the seat next to him. Roman let the heavy material help keep him settled in the present, a welcome distraction from the busyness around them. 

“Of all the people to spend Christmas Eve with,” Patton said, so innocently, so nonchalantly, “I’m not bad company, am I?” 

The laugh burst out of Roman before he could stop it. “There’s no one I’d rather be with,” Roman said solemnly, unable to help his own smile spreading at how easily this made Patton light up. 

“Not even Lin-Manuel Miranda?” 

“Now hold on—” 

“I’m teasing, Ro!” Patton interrupted, giggling. 

Even in the fluorescent lighting, he looked so pretty. The chains of his cuff earrings made the slightest tinging against the bells hanging from his earlobes, which produced their own musical chime every time he so much as shifted. His curls, currently dyed lavender, were contained barely underneath his favorite pink, yellow, and blue beanie; Roman wished Patton’s hair was loose so that he could run his fingers through it. 

“You’re staring, sweetie.” 

“Can you blame me?” 

A moment. A mutual yearning for more. It passed. 

“Text Remy,” Patton suggested, “ask if they can check the shop for us.” 

Grateful for the distraction, Roman retrieved his phone and began typing out a message. 

Of course, it wouldn’t be fair if Patton didn’t get his own moment of admiring Roman, now would it? From his rainbow side shave to the silver hidden Mickey behind his ear to his sparkling nose stud, Roman was bright in every sense of the word. Honestly, Patton was the lucky one here; he couldn’t imagine going through this poor series of events with anyone else. They’d very nearly missed the plane entirely when a TSA agent gave Patton trouble for his belly button piercing. Making it on time only to find out the flight had been canceled anyway due to a snowstorm back home in New York had really been the cherry on top of their terrible evening. Roman was probably worn-out and… Oh, shoot.

“Doodlebug, I’m sorry!” Patton exclaimed, reaching out and covering the phone screen. “I can’t believe I already forgot about your headache.” 

Roman smiled at him, all soft and appreciative. “Your concern heals me all its own—” 

“You’re still shaking,” Patton cut in, unimpressed. 

He took Roman’s phone and set it in the cup holder of the armrest between them. Patton held his hand out which Roman took without hesitation. The trembling was more apparent now but Patton focused instead on trailing the patterns of ink on Roman’s right hand. 

“Remember you gave yourself this one after Percy bet you fifty dollars you couldn’t?” The tattoo was in CMYK, four perfect squares on his fingers, just before the bend of his knuckles. “You were so drunk,” Patton added, laughing, “but he didn’t know that you’re ambidextrous.”

“He didn’t ask,” Roman defended. 

Patton flipped Roman’s hand over and Roman groaned just as Patton traced his fingernail over the faded infinity sign on the inside of his wrist. “Come on, sunshine, not that one.”

“The one that started it all!” Patton said affectionately. “Where would we be without it?” 

Roman waited a beat. He could confess now, pour his heart out, admit that he wouldn’t be anywhere worthwhile, because it would be a world without Patton, without their parlor, without this little space they’d carved out for themselves in the universe. 

“Somewhere awfully boring,” he said quietly instead. 

“Hmm,” Patton tilted his head, sliding their hands together so that their fingers were entwined, lining up the halves of two hearts so that they matched. He smiled at the connected tattoos. “I think so, too.”

[szopenhauer]

Is it easy to find a job in your preferred field in your hometown?           preferred field *chuckle*

Ladies: Would you ever consider proposing? If not, why not? Gentlemen: How would you feel, if you were proposed to?     yes, I have an idea

Have you ever played the original Mass Effect trilogy?           I haven’t

If so, which Shepard and who do you like romancing the best? -             

Let’s say there’s a person in need. They need money which they can’t make. Would you be more likely to help them out, if a celebrity asked you to?       celebs should help them, not me, I need help myself!

When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Or do you always try out something new? usually

Would you rather live next to a kindergarten or an old folks’ home?       old folks’ home for sure

What is the best part of your most ordinary day?   sleeping :x

Do you enjoy being on your own or are you happier when there’s a crowd around you?           I’m a loner/introvert

Do you ever look up what foreign idioms mean?     yep

What’s the strangest saying you’ve come across? I don’t recall atm

What’s a First World problem that you have?         hmm...

Have you ever made a parody version of a popular song?     me and my sister were doing puppet shows for our parents, mostly her ideas as she was forcing me to perform those until I got sick of that

Which game did you play the most as a kid during recess? nie bawiłam się w większość gier przez brak zdrowia, ale lubiłam plac z huśtawkami czy drabinkami, albo udawać rodzinę/dom i te fajne białe “krateczki” z kolorowymi “guziczkami” co jak się je wpinało w dziurki to układało się z nich obrazki (nie pamiętam nazwy)

Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? there isn’t

Does your mother annoy you when the holidays come along in the year? my mom annoys me all the time lol Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? I’m too short but I manage and still some ppl sometimes ask me for help anyway Do you check the texture of things first or the smell of them? used to smell them but now just texture Have you ever broken the arm or head off of a figurine? How did you do this? I’m no Chunk :P

Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? I wouldn’t do that on purpose but I don’t believe in most of the superstitions, luckily there are some things you can do to avoid bad luck like throw salt over your shoulder or knock on non painted wooden thingy etc. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bi polar all the time? I’m sick of ppl who use mental and physical illnesses as excuses when they don’t have them - single headache ain’t a migraine nor being an ass makes you a border, shut up! Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you?  more than once Do you like those ‘end of the world,’ ‘Armageddon’ movies? some are good, some not Ever been choked severely on something? just a feather Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? several like monkey, raccoon or cat Ever been in one of those church Christmas plays before? Why/why not? I didn’t participate but I watched/looked at them when I was younger Have you ever thrown a roll of toilet paper at someone before? ... why? Have you ever found yourself talking to an inanimate object? at times I talk to my computer (because I hate it so we argue), kettle and fridge, also my stuffed animals of course Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: penis Ever think of what it would be like to be a mermaid or merman? I thought and I wouldn’t like it besides maybe finding some cool stuff that drown  What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? creators lack imagination, they ask the same stuff over and over again, it’s boring What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? red Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows? noooo Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated? rarely and I’m ashamed of that tbh Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? hell no but I’m not that bad at it Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at? I have good memory when it comes to that most of the time - not counting my green scissors grrrr Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like? Archelan - Christmas themed and fuzzy  Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because? not as often as I’d like to? Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at nighttime? raped, killed or robbed more likely Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice? baths as I like to sit and I don’t like the glass nor have water over my head  Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose others? it seems Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for? nah, I dislike surprises and there weren’t opportunities/possibilities to do that Do you tap fingernails on desks? hardly ever Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? vocalist (who can play instruments) but I have no talent but don’t worry, it was a childish dream that fade away when I found out more about live of a band member Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? nope, we don’t talk, just say HI if anything  Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? yep Do you ever had to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? camp When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this? we’ll see, covid situation isn’t helpful and I can’t focus on books lately Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always? I treat them how they treat me (not authority figures/dangerous ppl tho) Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? sweet and quiet Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot? I don’t like to but I still end up arguing, sigh... How do you make sure people know you don’t like them at all? avoid them, block them, ignore them fight with them when they don’t stay away (not physically yet)

How much was the cell phone you have at this moment in time? about 200 PLN  What would you do if you woke up randomly with purple hair? cool but wonder how that happened What color is the closest desk to your body? What all is on it? ugly light brown with shitload of stuff The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? gonna have it soon so don’t remind me Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? aliens tried to abduct me in dreams but didn’t succeed ha!  What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white Do you like people who are loud or people who are quiet? not too tiring but not completely silent either Does personality weigh out the sense of ‘good looks?’ look is important but not as much as personality for sure, it’s like 1:9 I think Do you hate it when people copy the things you do? could say so Has anyone ever told you that you’re good at cooking? r u kidding?... Do you have any enemies who you think are dangerous? anyone can be Do you ever try to squeeze information out of people? Konrad once told me I’m like a private detective about it because I’m so sneaky they don’t realize until it’s too late but I sadly forget infos quickly due to stress last months so it’s not as useful as it sounds Does it freak you out when the police drive/walk by? somehow Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? I don’t drive Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? I had a friend who was a firefighter

Have you ever woken up to a good morning letter beside you? left in the kitchen but informative like - I went there or feed the dog etc. Would you ever get your nails done? I can do them myself if I ever want to

Are you afraid of worms? maggots Do you wear rings on your thumb? why not How many shirts of yours are red? less than 5 Does the color red look good on you? my first therapist told me I should wear it to be more brave but it causes anger in me so I prefer not to Do you pray before every meal? Sunday lunch with parents Have you ever been caught cheating on a test? not caught but been cheating in high school How many white tank tops do you own? 0? Do loud people bother you? omg YES Does your head itch? not currently but frequently Do you know anyone named John? my ex friend had a nickname like this Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge? I’m not stupid Are you a fast runner? like Gimli Did you ever want a pet rabbit? no way

Do you ever want to own a house? apartment more likely How do you feel about men? blergh Do you know any police officers? my neighbor was a police officer Have you ever signed a petition? lots Have you ever aspired to start your own business? I wish Who is the oldest person living in the same building as you? mom The youngest? me Would you rather pay with cash or card? cash, cards make me nervous Have you ever used a pager? I have not Do you like visiting the beach? beachcombing is fun Do you like to buy things? but not spend money lmfao Have you ever been in a polygamous relationship? I didn’t know that I apparently am - jk Is there anyone you haven’t spoken to in a long time but you still think about daily? my grandma for example Would you like to be rich? not filthy, having enough money to live and not barely survive

have you ever behaved like a stalker? *crickets* can you lie and keep a straight face? poker face game strong when situation calls for it

have you ever feared for somebody else’s life? especially dad’s do you prefer honesty, even when it hurts? hard to tell if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be? picked my dog’s  have you ever masturbated while driving? wtf, don’t do that, gross how do you feel when someone takes the last of something? without asking? *cringe* how do you feel when people tell you “bless you” when you sneeze? thank you unless I sneeze many times in a row and they bless me every single time - then it’s annoying what are you supposed to say when somebody coughs? r u ok? have you ever committed a violent crime because of a video game or rap song? who said I play/listen to those? have you ever actually overheard one of your friends talking shit about you? possibly how many partners is too many? at once or in your entire life? do you believe that wearing an aluminum foil hat will stop the government from reading your thoughts? that reminds me of the RED movie XD

would you rather have a hook for a hand or a peg leg? peg leg 100% elseway I’d end up with an eye cover as well if you know what I mean bonus points for/to being a pirate tho how close does someone have to be for you to feel obligated to wait and hold the door for them? either right behind me or carry heavy/big load do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose? for example when I worry about it bleeding  what is your cure for the hiccups? wait

Do you miss Brittany Murphy’s appearance in films? awwww she was such a good actress RIP

Is Christmas stressful? to me it is but I’m stressed 24/7

Do you make your own smoothies or juices? meh

Do you think time really does heal all? NO

Are you more sensitive to heat or the cold? cold

Did you care at all when Steve Jobs died? ... he died?

Has anyone searched your room for anything recently? my mother for dirty laundry

When do you decorate for Christmas? as soon as possible

Would you be cool with wearing sweatpants to the grocery store? yes

Have you ever been pranked via a hidden camera? am glad that didn’t happen 

Do you know any of those people who are depressed during the winter? I’m depressed year round

If a job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave? if I can change it without ending up on the street then I leave

How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better? nothing? Who is a person that you don’t like yet you spend time with? my family member[s] How is your relationship with money? we don’t see each other as often as I’d like to ;) get it?  How do you feel about growing old someday? won’t live that long

Are you wearing two shirts? too hot for that Have you ever owned the socks with toes on them? disgusting! Can you point out constellations in the night sky? I can not What was your favorite part about studying ancient Greeks and Romans? not interested What’s the last thing you bought at a mall? food, antibacterial gel and a blanket

Is there someone who you can turn to for money and not be ashamed? parents but I’ll feel crappy about it  Have you ever swam in a river? as a child Are there any dirty clothes underneathe your bed? ewww seriously?  What food do you love the smell of while it’s cooking? smells make me sick In what month do you start Christmas shopping? I seek presents whole year then store them for later Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity of the same sex? as a lesbian What kind of flowers would you plant in your garden? bushes, grass, moss and trees, wild flowers, if they want to grow, can stay  Do you believe that kids should be taught abstinence? I agree When’s the next time you’ll go to the grocery store? not in next weeks

Where’s your car keys? not applicable Did you keep any momentos of school dances? pics Do you still have clothes from your high school? and middle school  Do you think you could do better drawings than Napolean Dynamite? this question...

Do you own anything skull print? had a shirt that I gave to John ages ago Who are the three people you consider yourself closest to? parents and my gf Which ex of yours means the most to you? my partner as we’re back together Have you taken prescription medications that didn’t belong to you? oh well... How are your social skills? awkward Have you ever stayed at a hotel for longer than two months? I’m poor Do you ever go outside to look at the stars? there were some days in past summers when me and dad been going to stadium for a walk at night, that’s when and where we saw UFO  Who breaks away from the kiss first? she as she forgets to breathe  Do you know what you weigh? thx for a reminder - they’ll ask in hospital Have you ever smoked anything other than tobacco? one cigarette was all that I smoked in me life Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? nope Do you say koala bear or simply koala? koala  Do you usually travel anywhere in the winter? I’d freeze brrr Do you wait for someone else to take the garbage out when it’s full? we take turns Are most of your friends white? it’s not America so...

Does your hair reach your boobs? not even my shoulders

What’s something that fills you with anxiety? what doesn’t?...

What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? there’s no expiration date

Have you ever watched Bob’s Burgers? fragments

Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? I wasn’t that much of a note passer 

Do you know anyone who is afraid of horses? nah

Do you clean things that are already clean when you’re bored? tha hell?...

Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? tropical

What do you do when someone overweight complains about being overweight? I say it’s important to be healthy but weight isn’t always a sign of being ill

Is there any Irish, Scottish, or Danish in your heritage? none that I know of

Do you find Asians attractive? yes and no

Have either of your parents ever been to jail? nooooo

Keep Calm and Carry On or Screw Calm and Get Angry? there’s time for one of each?

Do you think Urban Outfitters is overpriced? like every other similar store 

Are your colarbones prominent? yeah

Have you ever in your life worn overalls? I have indeed

How did you react when you heard Whitney Houston had died? sorry but I didn’t care

Do you think Helena Bonham Carter is attractive? she is

Would you rather listen to Dolly Parton or Dusty Springfield? Dolly

Are you watching The Walking Dead? I’m scared of zombies and gore 

Are you a light sleeper? became lighter

Would you consider cuddling cheating? it’s complicated

What does the purse/bag you last used look like? it’s black with red embroidery and white beads

Can you make a clover with your tongue? impossible

What’s your favorite coffee brand/flavor? I don’t drink coffee

Is your belly button pierced? no piercings!

[kyouxa]

Diabolik Lover Chaos Lineage: Ayato Sakamaki (Story 11)

Place: Scarlet Mansion — Living room

Reiji: You won’t be able to beat us. Did you forget that you lost last time already?

Ayato: I didn’t. This time you’ll lose. I’ll show you Ayato-sama‘s true abilities!

Yui: (After all, Ayato-kun is willing to fight! We weren’t planing on this at all)

Ayato-kun! That’s wrong! We weren‘t planing on fighting them!

Ayato: That’s right. You‘re not wrong at all but i‘ll get their memories back like this!

Yui: (What is that supposed to mean?)

Choices

1) — Don’t forget (black) 2) — Good luck (white)♡♡♡

— Don’t forget Yui: Don't forget the real purpose! We said we‘re not fighting them

Ayato: Shut up. I know that

— Good luck ♡

Yui: Good luck! You’re their real brother after all Ayato-kun, they should remember at least something

Ayato: ...Heh, I hope so too

Yui: (Im sure you’ll be fine. Believe in the bond between your Brothers)

end Choices

Reiji: What are you talking about? If you won’t come for me, I’ll come for you instead.

Ayato: Hey, wait! It’s not like that! We just came here to talk!

Both Shu and Reiji are having fake memories, which were planted in your heads by our father!

You haven‘t noticed it, but it’s something like your senses are discomforted or something!?

Reiji: If you’d think of what you just said, it’s stupid

Shu: I have no intention in believing such a silly story.

Yui: But everything Ayato-kun‘s saying is true!

For some reason we are gathered in this place we don’t know about and we’re supposed to fight ...

Reiji: This talk is cancelled now. Come on, fight me now!

*Reiji attacks Ayato*

Ayato: ...ugh!

Shu: ...ah... !

Ayato: ... Ngh! Fuck, why can’t you listen to what I say!

*Ayato attacks Shu*

Shu: I don’t want to hear it

*Shu attacks Ayato*

Ayato: That’s not good, they‘re not listening to me! Chichinasi come here

*Ayato grabs Yui*

Yui: Y-Yes!

(Ayato-kun, he’ll fight while holding into me ...! It's even harder like this… !)

Ayato: ... Ngh! Tch!

Reiji: Why don’t you just handle us Eve? Wouldn’t it be painful to fight against us while protecting her?

Ayato: ...Ngh… !

Yui: (Its like Reiji-san says. I think I'm getting in his way)

(I can’t stay with Ayato-kun like this...)

Shu: Heh, let her go

Ayato: Ngh! Fuck!

*something fell off*

Ayato: Ouch… What? Something fell from the shelf. Was it a lantern?

Yui: W-Wait there are flames spreading... !

Agh! The fire of the lantern’s burning up!  

Ayato: Tch! That’s not good. We‘re going to die if we stay here!

Hey, let’s stop the fight! We need to hurry up and escape! Shu! Reiji!

Shu: ...ngh...

Reiji: ...ah...

Ayato: Hey, what are you waiting for?!

Yui: (Whats wrong? Even if the flames are coming closer and closer, they both won‘t move ...!) 

Reiji: Ngh...

*Reiji faints*

Shu: ...Ngh? What is that?

*Shu faints*

Ayato: Hey, whats going on! I can‘t handle this flames alone! Stand up and do something!

Yui: Both of them fainted...

(Oh, but speaking of that, it was like this when Ayato's memories returned.)

(Symptoms like having a headache or fainting for no reason ...)

Ayato-kun! I think this is the same situation when your memories returned ...

Ayato: So you mean, their memories are coming back?

Ngh, the shelf is breaking! Look out!

*Ayato protects Yui*

Yui: Ngh!

(The nearby shelf burned down already! The flames are spreading with tremendous force)

Ayato: This is bad! The fire is spreading way too fast! We‘ll get locked in here like this!

For us vampires this is actually no problem, but for you as human this situation is pretty bad!

Yui: Ah...

Ayato: We need to get to a safe place! We’re going to die like this!

Yui: ...B-But

Ayato: What is it! We don’t have time

Yui: Now you might be able to get back the memories of Shu and Reiji-san

Ayato: Huh, what do you mean?!

Yui: They need to listen to you because of the fire, you may be able to restore their memories if you do well! 

Ayato: ...That might be true

Yui: Yes. I'm having a strong physical feeling about that —

It may be a chance to remove the lid of their memories, right? If you try to recall on two or more …

Ayato: They might return. But we don‘t have much time. If it won‘t happen quickly, the house will burn down 

Yui: Yes

Shu-san! Reiji-san! Wake up… ahem, ahem, ahem!

(I can‘t get air anymore... ! My consciousness is also getting weaker!)

Ayato-kun… ahem, ahem, ahem

Ayato: Hey, are you okay!? Is it because of the smoke?! Seems like we dont have more time

Shu! Reiji! We won‘t go without you two! Get up now!

Are you two really that weak? I cant remember the eldest Sakamaki Brothers being such nuisance!

Shu: ...

Reiji: ...

Yui: (Can‘t they hear us? We‘ll die if we can‘t get out quickly ...!)

Ayato: Really, those guys

Yui: Look, the pillar is breaking... ! 

(It will fall down on those two like this ...!)

Ayato: Look out!

Here!

*Ayato breaks the pillar*

Yui: Ayato-kun — !

Ayato: Hey, you two — !

Reiji: W-What is...

Ayato: There’s no time for that! You still don’t accept me as your brother, do you!?

What happened to your usual bossy attitude all of the sudden! I won’t forgive you for being like this!

Reiji: ...Ngh!

Shu: ...

Reiji: ...Ayato... ?

Yui: ...Hn!!

(Just now, he said Ayato...)

(That probably means... Reiji-san's memories returned —!)

Ayato: It's really getting serious! It‘s crumbling more and more!

We’ll leave now! Reiji! Shu! Are you awake now!?

Reiji: ...I woke up quite a long time ago. I will escape from here as well. ...Ngh...

Yui: Reiji-san are you okay?

Reiji: Yes, I’m fine. I just got a little headache. Now come Shu, let’s escape from here

Shu: ... Reiji...

Reiji: ... ?!

Yui: Shu-san... ? No way, are you okay!?

Ayato-kun, you need to help Shu-san...

Ayato: What are you talking about! Hey, Shu! Come on, lend me your hand...

Reiji: No, that’s not necessary

Ayato: Hah? What are you saying! I won’t leave him behind!

Reiji: *sigh* I really hate him from the bottom of my heart, but I can’t help it. Now Shu, turn your arm around my shoulder

Shu: ...Y-Yes

Yui: Reiji-san!

Reiji: This is the first and last time I’ll help you. I refuse to do such a thing ever again

Yui: (That’s good. Shu-san will escape together with Reiji-san)

Ayato: Yui, we’re leaving too!

*Ayato grabs Yui*

Yui: Kya!

Ayato: If you hold into me we can escape way faster. Just don’t lose your grips 

Yui: ...Yes. Thank you

Ayato: Okay, we’ll escape through the window! ...Ngh... !

Yui: Ah, Ayato-kun that burn mark... ! Did the fire hit you awhile ago!? 

Ayato: It’s really nothing you should worry about. We need to escape from here now! Yui, we‘ll get going now!

Yui: Yes!

*window breaks*

Place: Scarlet Mansion — Outside

Subaru: Hey, what was that sound just now?

Kanato: How should I know? But as you can see the mansion's burning 

Laito: That’s true. I wonder what happened inside there?

*time passes*

Subaru: I wonder what happened inside there.. ? I wonder if they all are okay

Kanato: Oh, they seem to be alive 

Ayato: Huff, Huff, Huff... we made it. I thought we’re going to die in there...

Yui: Huh?

Ayato: I’m alright. It’s not like anything can stop Ayato-sama at this time

Yui: Well that’s true! Thank you so much for protecting me!

But, what about your burns? Are they hurting a lot!?

Ayato: Nah, I can handle them

Yui: I see...

(During that blazing, he got away with me ... I'm sure he’s trying to act like he’s okay)

Ayato: I still wonder how those two are doing in their situation

Reiji: Ngh... Huff

*Reiji collapses*

Shu: Huff...Huff...

*Shu collapses*

Ayato: Talking about them, we were waiting you know?

Reiji: Huff... We’re glad you decided to wait. We were close to die in there.

Shu: ...Alive

Yui: (I’m happy... somehow we all managed to escape —)

(Without Ayato-kun's words, neither Reiji nor Shu would’ve been safe now)

(After all, I had Ayato-kun with me, who encouraged me the whole time)  

Subaru: Hey, what happened in that mansion just now?

Laito: Yes Yes. Was everything settled?

Kanato: What's actually going on?  Why did you get away with Scarlet's eldest and second eldest son?

Ayato: It's still a mess. The detailed circumstances will be postponed.  There is something we need to do before that 

Yui: ...Yes. You’re right

(We need to check if their memories really returned —)

Shu-san, Reiji-san, do you remember us?

(Since I heard a good response to it earlier, maybe their memories are back) 

(Please, I want them to remember who they are and their real memories —)

Reiji: I finally managed to understand the situstion. I expected our brother to come to my Mansion with quite an annoying scandal.

Yui: Reiji-san... ! You do remember everything!

Ayato: Hehe, an annoying scandal he says. You’re not really wrong

Yui: Ayato-kun! You don’t need to say it like that! 

Ayato: No, I mean it as I said. After all I changed a lot after I met you again

Its your fault that my actions turned out like that thats why youre taking the responsibilities for me, right?

Yui: Uhm, what...

Shu: *sigh* what a mess. Stop being so noisy...

Yui: Shu-san!

Ayato: Heh, seems like your memories are back as well. All thanks to the great me. You should thank me now!

Shu: I´d rather go insane then thanking you for this

Ayato: What you mean!? You can’t even say thanks even tho I saved you!

Shu: Don't make such loud noises. I still have a headache

Yui: (I don’t know the detailed circumstances, but that fire may have shaken the memories of those two)

(Because of that, the lid of their memories finally came off) 

Reiji: I should appologize for my behavior but Im all fine now. Lets work together from now on

Shu: My headache is fading as well

Reiji: Still, I need to thank you for something. We´ve been close to be covered from a pillar which has fallen

Ayato: Oh, at least you´re brutal honest. Are you sure you´re okay since you´re being so nice to me?

Reiji: I dont want to be that way either. My brother who usually acts selfish, defended me so I felt like it

Shu: Including the burns you got from protecting us

Ayato: So seriously not a big deal. Chichinashi was worried about me too

Reiji: Not only that. It seems like I was doing a lot of ridiculous things while my memories were a mess

Yui: (Reiji-san...)

(I can forgive what he did because of how strange his memories were.)

Ayato: If you are saying that now. You should repay me with something once we got home

Reiji: Heh, if you don’t insist.  --Thank you… for your patience. I... Ngh..

*Reiji faints*

Shu: Ngh...

*Shu faints*

Yui: Reiji-san! Shu-san!

(They both fainted. Is it, because of the fire… ?) 

Subaru: Hey, what happened to them?

Ayato: Ah~ I understand them.  When my memories came back, I was as tired as they are now

Yui: Oh, I see.  Ayato-kun also lost consciousness when his memories returned

Ayato: Don't worry, let‘s find a place to rest for them.

Let's go to the forest for now. It would be problematic to stay here

Yui: Yes, that’s right!

Ayato: That’s why Subaru should carry Reiji and Shu

Subaru: Whats with you! Give me a fucking break already

Laito: That's right.  Apart from this, wouldn’t it be better to leave these two here? 

Kanato: I agree. I don’t understand the meaning of getting along

Ayato: Shut up! You still are my servants! Now follow my orders!

Laito: It is only Subaru-kun who became your servant. I have nothing to do with thaaat ~

Kanato: Then Subaru will carry those two spars. I dont have the slightest Intension to help Subaru, so enjoy the suffering

Subaru: Hey, don't push me only! They both are too heavy, even for me!

Yui: (Wow, all six brothers have been together like this for awhile)

(Subaru-kun, Laito-kun and Kanato-kun are still having strange memories ...)

(Let's find a way to return home... !)

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Choose me, pt. 3 (G.D.)

Summary: Ethan and Y/N manage to keep their friendship alive as two more months pass by. Y/N hasn’t seen Grayson at all, but will things change when Ethan invites her to a party at their house?

Warning: swearing, angst

Word count: 1470

Choose Me - Masterlist

„You almost got me killed!“ I yell.

„Almost isn't the same as did. You're still alive!“ Ethan exclaimed.

„Only because I'm more skilled than you!“ I remark with a smirk.

„Ouch, that hurt, like, deep down.“ Ethan whines and I stifle a giggle.

„Getting hurt can sometimes be good for your health. You know I just want you to be healthy.“ I tease.

„Always thinking about what's best for me!“ Ethan continues. If I could see him right now, he'd probably be sitting in nothing but his underwear, his face focused on the task before him, his tongue protruding a little. Unfortunately, I couldn't. We meet up three times a week, play Fortnite every day too. It's sort of a way for us to continue our friendship without his brother in it. There was a bunch of loud voices on the other line and Ethan was really quiet.

„You okay?“ I ask, covering his ass, so he doesn't get killed.

„They're fighting.“ Ethan says and I bite my lip.

„Don't.“ I warn him and he sighs.

„Just thought you might want to know it's a daily occurrence.“ Ethan says quickly and I groan.

„I don't want to know. Remember rule number one? We both have it tattooed on us!“ I remind him, rubbing the new tattoo over my waistband.

„Right.“ Ethan sighs again and I roll my eyes.

„I mean it. I don't want to know.“ I repeat.

It's been around two months since I've last seen or spoken to Grayson. I deleted all my social media to make sure I didn't see the two of them. Why go to such extremes as delete everything? Because every page I like is somehow connected to the guys and the content will keep coming at me, chipping away pieces of my soul and I refused to let it get to me.

Life was good for me. I got out more, did some new things. Ethan and I were tighter than ever, the tattoo serves as proof. It was my first tattoo and I was scared as hell, but Ethan held my hand through it all. I was really grateful to have a friend as caring as he was. Sure, it wasn't the same type of friendship like I had with Grayson, but he gave me comfort I needed.

„Okay. Got it.“ He replied.

„Wanna come over this Friday? I'm having a little party“ Ethan asked and I paused the game immediately.

„Are you nuts?!“ I screamed at him and a loud thud, followed by a groan came from his side of the line.

„I think my ears might be bleeding!“ Ethan exclaimed and I snorted.

„Serves you right! You know I'm not coming near your house ever again. Why bother asking?“ I reminded him of a little rant I already made him listen. I never once went there, just in case. I wasn't up for seeing Grayson, it was that simple.

„He won't be there till late. I already checked.“ Ethan reassured, but I didn't like the sound of it.

„I don't want to, E. Also, I kinda have plans with a friend that night.“ I rub my temples to soothe an oncoming headache.

„Bring the friend. I assure you, there will be no G. or the little B.B.“ Ethan chuckled at his own little insult. I'm not proud of it, but I laughed too. Ethan gave her a nickname Bitchy Barbie and refuses to call her by her actual name.

„Promise me.“

„I do.“ He says and I release a shaky sigh. I wasn't sure if I was ready to see the house either, but I really missed it. It's funny, right? Missing four walls and a roof that aren't even yours...the thing is, that house held so many memories and it was like a proof that things between Gray and I were once real.

„I'll come. Only for a little.“ I make it clear, but it doesn't stop his cheering.

By Friday, I already had an outfit prepared. I decided on a mid thigh lacy, skin-tight dress with a pair of heels. I knew this party will be filled with social media stars, so I needed to be fashionable and girly. That wasn't the only reason tho'.

I texted my friend their address and drove to the house. I stopped at their doorstep and inhaled a deep breath. I could hear the music playing, people talking and it made me nervous. I knew he wasn't in there, but I needed my heart to stop beating so loudly and for my brain to quiet down. I was about to knock when Ethan opened the door. In seconds, I was pulled in a big hug.

„You really came“, Ethan spoke, his voice muffled by my hair.

„Told ya I would.“ I giggle.

„Come on!“ Ethan grabs my hand pulling me inside. The music was blaring a Taylor Swift song and I cocked my eyebrow at the music choice.

„You seem taller and woah“ Ethan turned and stopped moving once he saw my outfit choice. His eyes traveled down my body and I felt a little insecure and almost naked before his gaze.

„You dressed up!“ He exclaimed, his eyes still a little wide from the surprise.

„Yes?“ I state, but it sounded more like a question.

„My friend is coming soon, so I'll be somewhere by the door. Get me a drink, please?“ I asked, shouting over the music. Ethan seemed to still be in a haze, but he nodded slowly and walked to the bar. He turned a few times to look at me, like he was making sure this wasn't a hallucination.

„Hey.“ A familiar voice whispered in my ear as an arm wrapped around my waist. I was pulled against his chest and without a second thought I leaned in. Closing my eyes with a smile on my face, we swayed gently to the song.

„Who's he?“ Ethan asked and I opened my eyes.

„This is the friend I was talking about.“ I say and grab his hand, pulling him forward.

„You didn't mention your friend was tall, handsome and had a penis!“ Ethan exclaimed and I covered my face with my hands from embarrassment.

„Harry, please get me a drink..“ I asked nicely, batting my eyelashes.

„Sure.“ Harry pecked my cheek and left.

„Behave.“ I order, pointing my finger at Ethan.

„I knew something was up. You're on a date!“ Ethan whisper shouted, pulling me into a hallway.

„He's a friend!“ I defend.

„You don't dress up like THAT“, he motioned to my entire body,“ for a friend. In fact, I've never seen you in a dress till tonight!“ He pulls at his hair and I laugh at his reaction.

„I prefer comfort over looks. Sue me.“ I remark and he rolls his eyes.

„You never mentioned him before.“ He states and this time I'm the one rolling my eyes.

„He's an old crush from my hometown. I'm just showing him around town.“ I smile coyly and shrug innocently.

„You don't fool me. You two are involved.“ Ethan presses and I smirk.

„You got me!“ I admit raising my hands in mock surrender. Ethan shakes his head, running a hand through his hair.

„If you like him...I won't stand in your way. Just..I don't really trust him.“ He looks to the floor and once again, I'm reminded of how sweet this seemingly rough boy can be.

„Thanks. I should go out, he's probably looking for me.“ I point out, peering over him to see the crowd.

We walked back, and Harry practically ran to meet me.

„I got worried.“ He hugged me and I smiled.

„Sorry. Best friends emergency.“ I say pointing at Ethan.

„Good thing I'm not the jealous type.“ Harry teases, his hand traveling from my neck, down my spine, stopping at the small of my back. He pulls me closer and I find myself pressed up against him, his other hand lifting my chin. I could feel his minty breath, his lips only inches away and I wanted to kiss him. I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch and in a moment the world around us didn't matter anymore. The kiss was gentle and sweet. It didn't set off fireworks or made thunder rumble in my chest, but I enjoyed the feeling of his warm lips on mine.

„Wow.“ He said and I put my hand on his chest. His heart was beating a mile a minute, his breathing fast and heavy.

„Oh, look at what we have here. Little Y/N crawled back to beg for forgiveness?“ I heard that shrill voice and I froze. What was she doing here? Ethan said Grayson wasn't here! Why was she?

I turned and gave a sweet smile that soon faded away once I saw Grayson standing behind her.

[transfagged]

all 92 😘

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?no way man she’d probably dom the fuck out of me

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?nope.

3. Have you taken someones virginity?n o p e

4. Is trust a big issue for you?YEAH

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?like in terms of romantic??? no. like in terms of “we have a really weird relationship and idfk how i feel @ you”? yeah.

6. What are you excited for?april 19th!!! my friend and i are going to go see phoebe bridgers in madison!!!!

7. What happened tonight?its 10am so ill roll with last night: i played nv and got killed in a beautiful cacophony of deathclaws and the legion :) and then my game crashed.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?no bc id be right there with them

9. Is confidence cute?very

10. What is the last beverage you had?i think some water? okay not the last but: hot water is so good with wildflower honey pls just drink some its good for your soul okay???

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?opposite is bullshit but i guess like,, 3? half my friends are nonbinary so counting EVERYONE regardless of gender and shit id say 6 people

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?im a proud supporter of boys in skinny jeans and i own 2 or 3 pairs

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?my main ho @thebonerfoy is coming up to visit me and were probably gonna pack all my shit in her car and play cards against humanity

14. What are you going to spend money on next? lmao probably my student loans. unless i can get the hours i asked for at work or a sugar daddy, then im gonna buy a proper lid for my fishtank bc my poor kid has a piece of cardboard rn.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?yeah. even in a state of stagnation were changing somehow.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?probably amanda, but im working on trying to be better with everyone

18. The last time you felt broken?my dude, im broken right now. its okay though. like i said, im working on it. were all fckn broken somehow.

19. Have you had sex today?not unless a ghost and i got in on in my sleep. which would be pretty cool ngl

20. Are you starting to realize anything?on a deep level: i deserve respect and a lot of my issues relate directly to my upbringing, including my inability to receive praise or speak well of myselfon a not-deep level: kinda hungry.

21. Are you in a good mood?i think i just heard fedex or ups outside so my mood just skyrocketed

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?maybe like. nurse sharks. theyre really cute.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?yeah

24. What do you want right this second?to take a day to go into the city with all my friends that i cant see on a regular basis

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?probably be upset unless we discussed it beforehand. then id be fckn cheering for them like you go get some!!!! do it man!!!! in general tho: if i wasnt with them and they didnt show interest in me and showed interest in someone else id just move tf on.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?half of it is bc my roots are growing out

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?no. too boring.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?okay so i went to renew my library books and one of my favorite youtubers is on the library website dressed as one of his characters and i completely flipped because i watch his gaming channel and now hes interviewing authors for my library??? he doesnt even live in my town!! hes in madison!!

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?no? im enjoying my solitude atm

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?depends on the person

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?no! hes my friend and gives really good advice!

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?i think so. i mean, were kind of a thing.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?yeah.

34. Listening to?killer - phoebe bridgers

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?only if im doing a rough journal spread, which i dont normally do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?hes probably in class right now. 

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?love at first sight? no. some sort of mutual infatuation/attraction? yes.

38. Who did you last call?my mom

39. Who was the last person you danced with?dancing with as in both dancing at the same time? probably amanda or my mom.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?we were dating and he was cute lmao

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? a couple months ago? 

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?no bc she leaves for work before i wake up

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?constantly.

44. Do you tan in the nude?lmao no.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?no. as previously stated, i liked the guy and he was cute. why would i take that back?

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?my mom

48. Do you sing in the shower?sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?yEAH

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?yes i love my bow :’) its so good and wow i love archery

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?picture day junior year of highschool, and if that doesnt count: my mother took me in at jcp to have pictures taken when i graduated 8th grade and theyre awful bc my hair is so long and its so not me

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?excuse me, how dare you,, in this house we ask for war and peace for christmas because npgc1812 is so good and then get addicted to ghost quartet (@ anyone reading this: pls listen to ghost quartet it is so so so good)

53. Is Christmas stressful?depends on the year, but i hope in the future i can spend it with my friends :)

54. Ever eat a pierogi?i just had some last night for dinner and im probably going to eat the leftovers in a couple minutes. also, my mother is polish and we see her family for holidays, so yeah. lots of pierogi in this house.

update: i got the leftovers

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?idk??? apple? im basic okay i dont eat pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?1. teacher2. ballerina3. both 1 & 2, simultaneously4. paleontologist5. archaeologist6. both 4 & 5, simultaneously7. librarian8. game designer9. author/illustrator

57. Do you believe in ghosts?yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?almost daily

59. Take a vitamin daily?im supposed to ;) vitamin d deficiency like a real champ

60. Wear slippers?real talk i never liked slippers but then i bought these cute pig slippers @ walmart for $10 and i love them so much i tried wearing them to sleep last night. also im wearing them rn theyre so cute

61. Wear a bath robe?i live in a dorm, so yeah. to the bathroom and back when i take a shower. sometimes im lazy and i just run around in a towel but so do half the people on my side of the hall lmao were all lazy and dead inside

62. What do you wear to bed?fluffy pajama pants or sweats, tshirt or hoodie, socks, sometimes slippers.. once i fell asleep with a beanie on. when im being an Adult i wear my actual pajamas!!! like a legit shirt and pants that match

63. First concert?none that i was old enough to remember :’) apparently my mom took me to the rodeo when we lived in texas and saw some country group but i was like 2 so idfk

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?TARGET I AM A CERTIFIED TARGET GAY

65. Nike or Adidas?adidas bc my feet are too wide to fit in nikes

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?yall real talk i used to love cheetos but i think im allergic to them now? last time i had them my throat got all swollen and hurt for like 3 days so im gonna have to say fritos. plus theyre really good if you put them in chili

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?sunflower seeds bc im a slut for anything i can have a spitting contest with

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?lmao i used to like her when i was like. 11. not my scene anymore

69. Ever take dance lessons?i dont think so?

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?anything that makes them happy, but also something fun!!!! like wedding photographer or a baker or maybe zookeeper?

71. Can you curl your tongue?idk??? kinda????? i can tie a cherry stem so i want to say yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?no i always got out bc my anxiety made me stutter/rush and miss letters, so i never even got past the classroom levels to the real thing

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?a lot!!! i laugh so hard i cry and get a stomach ache more than id like to admit

74. What is your favorite book?eleanor & park by rainbow rowell :) OR alice’s adventures in wonderland by lewis caroll

75. Do you study better with or without music?depends on if i can get into hyperfocus mode or not. if not, then i pick one song and put it on loop and blast it until it fades and is just loud background noise, but if i can focus then silence is best

76. Regularly burn incense?i used to but no burning anything in the dorms :( then i came home for break and it started giving me a headache

77. Ever been in love?i think so

78. Who would you like to see in concert?kesha, against me!, my chemical romance (rip), bigbang (also rip)

79. What was the last concert you saw?the one i mentioned earlier @ a rodeo

80. Hot tea or cold tea?hot tea

81. Tea or coffee?i live on coffee but i love tea too so both

82. Favorite type of cookie?mmm snickerdoodle. or just sugar cookies. chocolate chip is good when theyre hot and melty but not as good when theyre cold

83. Can you swim well?yeah! i love swimming!

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?yeah?

85. Are you patient?hahahahahahhahahahhahahhaa

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?oo. oooooo. okay so dj would have more variety of music but im a sucker for live music??? idk i feel like a band would be more memorable, but what if they fuck up your favorite song??? but what if they make it more special???????

87. Ever won a contest?yeah! i won an art contest once and got my drawing printed on christmas cards for a nonprofit that did things for cancer patients!

88. Ever have plastic surgery?im 17 i dont have that kind of money

89. Which are better black or green olives?depends on what theyre in?

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?good. live your life fuck the rules

91. Best room for a fireplace?bedroom!!! i love fireplaces in bedrooms its such a Look

92. Do you want to get married?idk. if it happens then it happens. im not planning on it though.

[severalbakuras]

time

to

finish

s3

im not prepared

(apologies to mobile users for the long post)

episode 5:

intro is a pink screen. it’s established pink is a mourning colour. hrmmm.

oh its an eyeball SHIRO

that’s not a good looking room to be in

that HAIR

hallucinating already, this is Not Good.

so he’s like totally alone in that room that is just bad practice right there. supervisor’s gonna get fucked if they get caught.

and. another shiro. one who’s kept clean-shaven. oh ok i know where this is going i think.

operation kuron is so unsubtle that i think we’re in for several layers of bait-n-switch until it turns out shiro never actually existed. schrodinger’s Shiro. shirodinger. 

he escaped waaaaaay too easily - yeah. called it.

‘stage 3′ so stage one is ??? and stage two is this guy.

ok so shiro obvs remembers some things but i find it interesting that we’ve had no internal thoughts beyond memories of the tube/surgery. like he’s not thought about voltron or the paladins or allura and coran like he has no idea if they survived or not. nothing at all by the five minute mark.

HAGGAR FINALLY I’VE MISSED YOU SO

yeah you keep an eye on that boy. im sure absolutely nothing will happen to this guy.

self-cauterization holy shit.

“what killed you?” is the first spoken line of dialogue from shiro i think. everything else is just vague confusion noises and/or battle grunts iirc. we haven’t even had an internal line of thought yet (which i know don’t rly happen in this series like everyone tends to speak aloud but still he’s ALL alone). i think that’s significant, somehow.

how the fuck has he not frozen to death in that skinny suit.

SHIRO NO THAT COULD BE AN ACID LAKE

“subject Y0XT39″ i will eat a raw garlic clove if this turns out to be the real shiro.

wow that’s rly bad for blood circulation like way to make him lose his hands jackasses.

so these two are space cannibals. neat.

if you’re trying to convince people of who you are why would you just say your first name? he WANTS these guys to know who he is, there’s no point being cagey. say your surname shiro go ahead.

knowledge of who the paladins are rly is being kept tight under wraps. so long as nobody ever thinks to check out any planet where galra were known to have integrated into local alien communities to the point of children.

i :) wonder :) who :) might :) do :) that :)

(i wonder how earth’s doing. everyone has family down there who misses them (besides keith since he’s living in a shack in the desert and nobody from the MILITARY-ish training academy told his dad to come pick him up apparently))

lotor i swear to fuck don’t you dare pull a dreamworks smirk DONT DO YOU DARE

so galra channels are hackable

that big guy’s totally having a SUPPRESSING FIIIIIRE moment

i rly like this winter backdrop i love being able to see the brushstrokes on the snow (like digital ones but they count).

he’s starving but he doesn’t take a single bite of the food onscreen can’t tell if suspicious or #mood bc i don’t like people watching me eat either lol

so operation kuron isn’t something widely known then or Hold up those robo-soldiers have no reaction whatsoever to a unit falling down until the hangar doors close.

ok those two guys in the cave HAVE to be in on it or shiro would’ve died on that planet. why keep the ship above a Death Planet for him to be permitted to escape to unless they had someone down on the Death Planet who could send him back to the right ship to deliver to voltron without him knowing he was being played?

like this is ALL phase 3.

‘stop spying on me’

‘do your fucking job’

HA. IDEAS. IN ZARKON’S HEAD. AHHAHAA

i think this is the first time i’ve seen lotor angry like haggar gets under his skin so easily i hope they talk again soon. ‘I AM THE LEADER’ his VOICE damn.

ok so like i already know lotor is half-galran and he’s probably half-altean too like in the original series with the hair and all. but i don’t think haggar is his mother even though she’s also altean. he’s hyper-focused on not being like his father in that scene but he also seems the type that he’d leave a snarky comment about his mother too if she were. and she doesn’t ever refer to him as her son, only zarkon’s. she’d surely say ‘our’ son, unless she officially disowned him as part of his banishment and hates his guts but then surely he’d have at least SOME reaction to seeing her unless he was, like, literally banished at birth and doesn’t know who she is and that he’s half-altean. bc if he knew he was he’d connect the dots between ‘only altean on the ship’ and his dad v quickly.

like i do know the story behind exactly how original lotor (aka sincline) is half altean and it’s Unpleasant and makes zarkon a fucking monster and i doubt this series would even imply that that was the case here but if it did and our lotor knew this was the truth behind his parentage that could explain his lack of reaction to haggar AND his deeply intrinsic rejection of his father.

oh come ON the ship is stocked with oxygen!!!!!! why would a ship that’s intended for a robot pilot need oxygen!!!!!!!!

seven days, when he’s already in a bad way re blood loss/injury (like a healing serious wound burns calories and fluid by the truckload) and didn’t have much water to go on beforehand. if i didn’t think something was up before man.

finally, almost 20 minutes in, we finally see him think of his teammates. took long enough.

black lion notices. hrm.

episode six:

nice shooting lancFCUKING KILL THEM ALLURA

SAME LANCE

HUG YOUR SON SHIRO actually no you’re not shiro stay the fuck away from him

‘weird headache’ since this isn’t a dramatic romance show, he’s not got Invisible Anime Disease #5 so there’s absolutely a tracker in his brain.

A HUNK MOMENT THAT ISN’T ABOUT FOOD I’M CRY (like it intersects with pidge but i don’t mind it’s nice that he gets to show his own brains in what feels like forever)

shiro automatically stepping back in ‘this is what we do mode’ is SHRHCHCH. NO. even if he WASN’T a clone he’s still recovering and is missing out on potentially months of their relationships changing and being redefined. he can’t just step back in like that.

ok so like???? if there’d been more scenes like this early on??? i’d probably be totally into klance?? like keith doesn’t really grasp the depths of the issue with lance judging by how the shot holds on lance leaving and his facial expressions and all but keith tries and lance tries and there’s no cheap joke thrown in there’s no rejecting that there was any emotional connection. it’s not solved the problem lance has by any means but it’s lance opening up to keith about his vulnerabilities and worries and it’s keith doing his best to help him both as a leader and a friend and the narrative doesn’t turn either of them into a joke for it. THAT IS MY SHIT RIGHT THERE.

like i’m obvs lowkey into enemies-friends-lovers (bc otherwise i wouldn’t consider keitor or any of my other ships which i won’t name bc i’ve made it this far without comparing anything to warcraft so i won’t start now) but i guess i much prefer the friends-lovers stage. (especially when only one half of the pair considers the other as ‘enemy’ in the first place).

‘just whack it’ is a universal law that will last forever

SHIRO ARE YOU IN THE LEADER CHAIR. NO? SHUT UP.

fucking fake ass shiro he doesn’t even acknowledge keith stepping up to make a plan as leader like he always fucking wanted him to do he just sails on into his own plan without so much as a ‘sorry’. fuck you fake shiro. firo.

and keith just stands there like a lemon like this is ok ahrhfhg. firo i swear to god if you drag keith back down into the place he was on the gas planet before lance intervened i’m gonna be so mad.

interesting that we don’t get a reaction shot of lance when keith offers to stay behind instead of taking back red. considering how that was literally what the last scene between him and keith was about is all.

so clones are genetically identical so the black lion picking up on firo’s ~spark of life~ fading or whatever to rescue him isn’t odd. but the black lion knows your soul and it’s not happy.

(could be an issue when the real shiro returns tho but eh that’s a problem for futuretron)

I LOVE THIS LOYAL PETTY BASTARD

“Victory or death!” OH COME ON YOU’RE MAKING THE WARCRAFT REFERENCES FOR ME. LOKTAR OGAR

so perhaps lotor squad isn’t in on operation kuron?

i wonder what’s being whispered during the mind control scenes.

that ship looks like a space fox... or maybe a star fox.

in two minds about this part like right now firo IS right but they DO need to actually try and confront lotor at some point. it’s ALWAYS going to be a bad time bc lotor has figured out how to use plot armor to protect himself so sometimes you just need to attack that face down trap card and face the consequences or you’ll be stuck forever yknow?

OH IT’S HER. FROM THE SHIP. COOL i was wondering if that’d come up again.

oops he’s ambidextrous.

also i think ezor might be a little crueler than she lets on, she’s got some v. vicious expressions going on in this grapple.

ZETHRID THINKS ALLURA’S A WORTHY OPPONENT ZELLURA YOU ARE CLEARED FOR LAUNCH (in other news i am a terrible person)

honestly those are both equally high priority targets, either one WILL fuck things up in the future no matter if they follow firo or keith.

now lotor how do you know they were about to attack, unless you perhaps had a direct link into the lions communication lines, which have been kinda previously established as being impossible to hack?

(so that’s one point in them also knowing about project kuron)

YES KEITH THIS IS WHAT YOU DO BEST ON THE FLY INSTINCTIVE GOOD MOVE

hooooly shit lotor’s maaaad

get your hand off him firo.

“i’m sorry i had to step in back there” step in. STEP IN. LIKE YOU WEREN’T IN CONTROL OF THE ENTIRE MISSION START TO FINISH. he sets up ‘you were the leader and you weren’t good enough’ almost on purpose..

the former isn’t true because keith still stepped down and firo commanded all their movements from the ship and the latter isn’t true because no plan survives contact with the enemy keith basically had it as under control as shiro always did. considering the circumstances he did damn well AND he scored a ‘fuck you’ point against lotor by using lotor’s own new ship to wreck the teledove.

“i thought i had it under control” ;A;

HE’S BEEN THERE SINCE THEY ALL FORMED VOLTRON YOU FUCK. HE WAS GOOD AT THIS UNTIL YOU GOT HERE.

FUCK YOU FIRO.

damn that’s cold haggar.

episode seven:

i’m. um. huh. those certainly were memories i’ll need to pause on later.

this dramatic scene is being ruined by all the cute little triforces floating around.

my civil war theory is officially dead now i guess. goodbye, civil war theory. it was nice to have you as a handy aversion of the whole ‘X race is like this while Y race is like this’ trope that always shows up in sci fi and fantasy and sci-fantasy~

this music is giving me jack sparrow IN SPACE vibes.

oooh the dust particle effect in the light shafts in the air is pretty and a good attention to detail.

now see like why wasn’t his spirit projection thing back in season 1 more like this??? he has a character he’s got personality he’s just like his daughter i’d actually MISS this guy if that spirit projection thing had been like his true self and not a bland whatever he was he’s so forgettable i can’t even remember what he was like.

ZARKON WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. YOUR VOICE. YOUR EYES.

so like galra culture has a class/caste system and is kinda militaristic. explains a lot in the future i guess.

“WHAT IS THAT” is that the same cat narti has? and oh god no he’s a dork.

OH NO HE’S A REALLY BIG DORK AAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAA BABY ALLURA. SHE’S SO CUTE.

oh so he married honerva? oh no. OH NO SHE BETTER NOT BE HAGGAR. DON’T DO THIS.

“it was a customary gesture” tf is that all about.

“by willow!” is that the first canon mention of a deity? cool.

so the red paladin was technically the first paladin.

this thing is eldritch as fuck.

“Am I a leg?!” god i am so sad that you’re going to die horribly i love you.

now it’s REALLY eldritch.

god she really is haggar.

so alteans definitely age then (which proves empress allura was definitely dead a long LONG time before alt-eans went all mind-controlly).

honergar’s giving me major ‘that bloodbender who’s name i’ve forgotten’ vibes.

I KNEW QUINTESSENCE WAS BAD SHIT

he loves her so much im gonna cry.

so the lions cannot pick up on deceit then. they accept the will of their paladin over the safety of voltron as a whole and the other lions. they cast no moral judgement.

so there could easily be an evil voltron somewhere.

ZARKON NO HE’S HOLDING HER HAND ARGH.

so those weird purple cloud creatures from another dimension are puppeteering the corpse of the first black paladin, taking his basic desire for power and extending it into a galaxy spanning genocidal crusade because???

their home dimension must be a fucking hell dimension if things like that are trying to escape.

that guard made it seem like they sorta knew and accepted why their planet was destroyed so i guess zarkon returning from death was such a massive cultural shock that they all fell into line. bc otherwise i find it hard to believe that every single galra would join the battle (like yeah the blades exist but they’re a tiny movement) and not question what the fuck happened to his eyes or voice or how he came back from the fucking dead or why they’re meant to suddenly hate everyone.

ok so why do most of the galra have similar glowing eyes iirc? surely the vast majority should have the normal eyes that old zarkon and lotor have but they don’t. unless like successful generals are permitted to ‘live’ forever by taking the creatures into their bodies but then like they have far too much personality for that. the loktar ogar guy for example. what gives.

that’s kind of a leap at lotor’s motives but an understandable one, they don’t know how much lotor detests being like his father so i doubt he’d do the same damn thing his father was trying to do.

he’s baaaaack and he’s got no new tricks, zombieman zarkon’s still just as thick as the last time~

lotor’s gonna be so mad. and also this doesn’t actually explain why haggar lets zarkon run roughshod all over her much better plans prior to this because she doesn’t remember being his husband until this episode.

and also also imo this means haggar definitely can’t be lotor’s mother bc when we’re seeing things coran can’t possibly know like honerva on her death bed we’re probably seeing haggar’s vision of events and he doesn’t appear to be a factor in either of their lives but she remembers their wedding perfectly.

(unless he’s a zombaby but he can’t be because his eyes don’t glow).

hrm.

season four when.