#somebody tell me if this is okay or if i should delete them

[lyxchen]

Sorry, blacked out and took like 300 screenshots of Facade

[lost-in-fandoms]

Logan and Max have another talk, or 'does kissing count as free therapy?' Part 2 of whatever this was. I couldn't fall asleep last night because of how hard I kept thinking about these two. I blame @girlsdads for giving me the brainrot in the first place.

cw: the tiniest bit of implied sexual content

It's another bad race. Fucking 16th, only ahead of the two Saubers, and of the Haas and Alpine that had crashed each other out. There was no reason why his pit stop had to be 4.3 seconds, when Alex's had been 2.7, no reason why he had been fucked over by not one but two undercuts because of shitty strategy, no reason why Alex's side of the garage had to be celebrating 8th place while his was sullen and quiet.

Logan fears he's going to throw up when he steps in and James claps him on the shoulder, saying sorry, next time, as if Logan doesn't know his contract is on the line. Fucking. Next time?!

Logan feels like he's trying to swim with his hands tied behind his back, desperately trying to make it to shore. Nobody cares he's drowning.

He can barely look up during the debrief, feels like he's choking the whole time on the words nobody is saying. As soon as he's free, he escapes, fumbling for his phone as usual. Only this time, he doesn't call his mom.

Are you free?

Max has his motorhome this weekend, and Logan doesn't wait for an answer before heading over. If he doesn't answer, he'll just take a walk.

Yes come over

He's knocking on Max's door before he can rethink it, before all these feelings catch up on him and he decides he's going to break down alone instead. When Max opens his door, Logan immediately regrets it. He's wearing a black t-shirt, hair styled, looking ready to go out. Of course he's heading out, he has a win to celebrate. Unlike Logan. Who should have just gone home.

He opens his mouth, ready to apologize and turn around, when Max's hand closes on his shoulder, his mouth downturned with what would be worry, if it wasn't absurd for Max Verstappen to be worried about him.

"Come in," Max says, doesn't leave space for arguments when he pulls Logan inside, closing the door behind him.

For a long moment they just look at each other, as Logan's waves lap at his neck. He doesn't know why he's here anymore.

"Are you okay?" Max's hand is still on his shoulder. Logan feels like he'll keel over if he takes it back.

"I might be out of a seat."

It's not an answer to Max's question, it's not even what Logan meant to say, it's not something he should be telling to the competition, but really. Logan is barely Max's competition at all, and who wouldn't know that after this season's disaster? Nobody is counting on him to race next year.

He waits for Max to say something, even if it's just empty platitudes, but the other just squeezes his shoulder and nods, and suddenly it's much harder to hold back his tears.

"I just..." he breathes in, willing his voice to not crack, "I don't know what I am doing wrong."

It comes out more desperate than he meant it to, but he's just so tired and upset, and nobody is seeing him drown. Why is nobody paying attention?

"You have a shit car, get bad strategy calls, and have a teammate with years more of experience. You are not the one doing it wrong."

Max says it so matter of fact, as if he's the one driving the shit car, the one with the better teammate, the one having to fight through the back of the field with no success, and suddenly Logan is angry. He shrugs Max's hand away, fists clenching. What does Max know about being the second driver in a bad team? How dares he say he knows Logan's hunger?

"Fuck off," he spits, wrapping his arms around himself to hide the way his hands are trembling. He shouldn't have come.

"You have potential, you are not doing it wrong," Max says again, stubborn and bull-headed as always, jaw set and eyes clear. Logan's anger spikes again. Max Verstappen, the prodigy child, talking to him about wasted potential? This must be a joke. He scoffs, ready to turn around and leave, but Max grabs him again, gets a hold on his elbow and keeps him where he is.

"Why are you angry?" he asks. And yeah, this must be a joke, for sure. Why is Logan angry? Why is he angry?!

"You don't get to..." he starts, but Max interrupts him, squeezing his elbow.

"No. Why are you angry?"

"The team..."

Max takes a step closer, narrowing his eyes.

"Not the team, I do not care about the team. Why are you angry?"

As if there was a right answer to the question that Logan isn't getting! It's his own anger! And Max doesn't care about the team? Of course he doesn't, it's not his team fucking up! Why can't Logan be angry about the team?!

"Alex gets..."

"No. Why are you angry?" Max interrupts again, steadfast in a way that grates on Logan's nerves.

They're too close now, and for a second Logan entertains the idea of punching three times world Champion Max Verstappen. Anger burns in his chest, and suddenly, without knowing who closed the gap, they're kissing. It's not a nice kiss, all teeth and spit, and it almost feels the same as the punch he hasn't thrown, until Max moves his hand from his elbow to his waist, the other one coming up to cup the back of his neck, turning his head slightly. Gentling him.

His anger is back in his lungs, but it's no longer anger, it's back to salt water, and Logan is drowning again. He breaks the kiss, gasping, but Max doesn't let him go.

Logan doesn't remember the last time someone held him like this, like being here matters.

"Why are you angry?" Max asks again, breath soft against Logan's bitten lips. He smells vaguely like minty toothpaste.

"Because..." he hesitates, but at this point he might as feel say fuck it, and give it all. All his fleshy insides in Max's hands, bleeding on the floor between them. "Because I could do better, but I can't do it like this."

This time Max nods. "You could do better."

And Logan knows his parents and friends have said it before, have kept saying it for years. Knows his time in Formula 2 speaks for itself. But it's different, to have Max say it like that, so surely. It's a different kind of validation, and a different kind of heartbreak, because they both know his time to prove it is running out. It's hard to breathe again.

"It is good to be angry. It makes you want to take it," Max says, maybe mistaking the way his breathing has gone funny. But Logan doesn't feel angry anymore. He's tired, and scared, and lonely. He drops his head on Max's shoulder, who moves to card his fingers in his hair, bearing his weight with ease. Logan wishes anything would come easy to him instead.

"I don't know how to be angry," Logan confesses. He doesn't want to say it, doesn't want to disappoint Max, but he disappoints better than he lies anyway. What's one more person.

"That is of course still okay," Max says, instead of some sort of rebuke Logan is expecting. For a second, he thinks about the stories of Max's childhood, of angry men and steel hands. Max's fingers are gentle in his hair.

"What do you want right now?"

It's too big of a question. Logan wants his seat to be safe, he wants to end in the points, he wants a good car, he wants to not feel so distant from everyone else, he wants to go home. He wants someone to tell him it will be alright and mean it.

He shakes his head, forehead dragging against Max's t-shirt. Disappointing again.

Max holds his hair a little tighter, uses the grip to pull Logan up, to make him open his eyes.

"What do you need?"

And it's the same, but it is different, and Logan needs...he needs...

"You can take it. What you need." Max sounds so sure of it, Logan can almost believe it. Maybe Logan doesn't know how to take, doesn't know how to fix it, but here, now, he at least knows what he needs.

"I need to be better," he says, words bleeding out from his split-open chest. "I need to be good."

They both know what Logan means, because the thing with Max is, that it's always about racing, even when it isn't, and it is also always both at the same time.

Max nods, letting go of his hair, and Logan pushes him around, back against the door. Gentle, because he needs to be, but firm, because he wants this.

He eases himself to his knees, and feels Max's hand cup his cheek. His raspy voice isn't disappointed, or pitying, or even sad when he speaks, only fond. A little proud.

"Good boy."

[unknownati]

iii. her new friend.

a/n: im alive i wrote this months ago and i HAAATE it but i wanna post something so maybe ill get back into writing🤷🏾‍♀️ i lowkey cringe reading it 😭 may delete later!

warnings/tags: loosely (very loosely) inspired by the beginning of green eyes by erykah badu, jealousy, no reader description, communication, not good communication but it's still there, disagreement/argument(kinda), ends fluffy (and a LIIIIITTLE SUGGESTIVE A LITTLE), reader stands on big bidness until the end, lowercase intended, BARELY PROOFREAD AS ALWAYS 🔥🔥, self indulgent tbh, also suck at endings just shhh 😊

______________________________________________

you hated her.

well, not her. you hated how abby acted around her.

she was new; just recently started to stay at the wlf stadium.

and she was so pretty, you didn't know about 'prettier than you', but she was really pretty. her skin was glassy, her eyes lashes were so naturally long, her hair looked so nice in any style, everything.

it's not that you didn't have what she did or hated her just for existing. you were sure she was super sweet, talented, all of it. in fact, when you first met her you thought she was fantastic. but something about her being paired with abby made your eye twitch.

but abby seemed so much more...lively around her.

at first, you wondered if it was just you. maybe you were overreacting? you tried to brush it off until you heard somebody passing by call them a cute couple. abby didn't say anything either, just laughed.

you did try to bring it up too. of course not your exact thought, you tried to be nice about it since you assumed she didn't realize what she'd been doing.

"abby, i feel like you've been hanging out with your friend a lot more than you've been with me. not that you can't be with your friend, but y'know...'m here too."

and she chuckled, kissed your cheek, and just whispered a cute little "okay, 'm sorry," in your ear.

after that, she kept up with you for about a week. and then she went right back to her new little friend.

no biggie, at this point you were fed up. you tried a couple times to bring it up again, each time getting more honest and honest just to be met with a similar response.

you didn't care anymore. if she wants to hang out with her, so be it.

"'morning," she leaned over the couch and kissed your cheek, admiring your pretty face. "me and jade are gonna go play with the dogs."

nothing new, but every time you heard her name you felt you were going to explode. "mhm,"

you felt abby still lingering over your shoulder, waiting for another response. usually you'd tell her to 'have fun', 'be safe' if it was patrol duty.

"..you okay?" she leaned further down to be within your line of vision, her hands gripping the back of the couch. when you just nodded she paused, wondering if she should even say anything. she was so confused, why were you upset?

she walked around the side to sit next to you, too close. the contact made you huff, scoot away. she scoffed in disbelief. "what's wrong?"

you forced a smile onto your face and turned to face her, shaking your head. "nothing? go ahead, be with your friend," you waved your hand, turning back to the window. abby's eyebrows twitched. you looked back, eyeing her up and down. "..what?"

"why'd you word it like that?" she asked, her eyes darting to the side and then back onto your face.

"like what? what'd you want me to say?"

"i don't know...it's just--i just feel like you're mad at me." she did that dumb thing with her eyes, slightly tilting her head and looking at you like a sad dog. you knew it was never on purpose, and somehow that made it worse. she had that nervous smile on her face too.

"wonder why? 't's not like i haven't tried bringing it up for the past few weeks."

"what?" her face contorted into one of confusion.

"what?" you raised your brows.

"can you just talk to me?"

"clearly i've tried."

"then talk to me again...please."

you took a deep breath, feeling like a broken record.

"it doesn't even matter at this point. i told you, time after time, i feel like you're with jade more than you're with me. it literally didn't feel like you wanted me, i didn't feel like i was good enough for you. it's like at this point, if you want her, just have her. it's not like you two aren't already practically dating. you didn't listen, but it's fine, i don't care anymore, i'm over it, literally just go."

abby felt like she just got hit with a brick.

"do you think i want her? like, want to date her?" abby watched you groan, stand up and stretch your back, completely ready to just walk away from the conversation. you weren't about to be accused of being jealous on this fine thursday morning. "☆, seriously. is that what you think? i wouldn't replace you for anything, i'm sorry, i didn't--"

"ooooh my god. just go, dude. it's fine."

"it's not fine, though. and did you just call me dude?"

you huffed, about to blow up at her when you felt her grab the hem of your pants to pull you back towards her. "i'm sorry, okay? i mean it. i love you, not her, i didn't realize how much it was upsetting you. i'll stop."

your throat burned, brows furrowed. you almost stopped her when she pulled you into her lap, almost. the warmth of her arms wrapped around you was what made you stop. "i told you multiple times. why didn't you listen?"

"i don't know. i thought i was hanging out with her less."

before you could even start, you felt her littering your face and neck with kisses, her arms squeezing you tighter. it was so annoying to not be able to stay mad at her no matter how hard you tried, and you rolled your eyes. you reached up and pulled her in for a kiss, a proper one, one that you deserved.

"let me make it up to you, please?" she asked, one of her hands dropping to reach up your shirt and gently rub circles into your side.

"what about jade?"

"she can wait."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for cutting off a mutual for threatening suicide?

I know it sounds bad, but please bear with me.

I stumbled across somebody on Tumblr who shared the same obscure interests as me, and we became mutuals pretty quickly. We hardly interacted outside of liking each other's posts sometimes, which seems to be par for the course for Tumblr mutuals. I had a Discord server with my partners and me in it and we decided to invite them to it in an attempt to be closer friends.

Things were okay for a while, but I noticed a few red flags right off the bat. They'd had a bad experience with their last group of friends and vented about it a lot - that in and of itself is fine, but it got to a point where it was all they would talk about. The vent channel in the server was completely occupied by them, and neither me nor my partners felt comfortable venting there ourselves. Alongside this venting about their old friends, they would continuously insinuate we would be just like them, and would leave them just like their old friends did. Again, I don't have a problem with people asking for reassurance, but this was CONSTANT. When I say it was all they would talk about, I mean it. That kind of mistrust in their supposed friends was mentally draining and made me feel like they didn't value our friendship.

And now we get to the threatening suicide part. This person was very clearly mentally ill, needed help, and lived in an unsupportive home. I had all the sympathy in the world for them, and still hope they manage to get out of it. However, if we did not respond to the constant venting in our Discord server, they would go on Twitter and Tumblr and talk about how everyone was ignoring them, and they were going to kill themselves. Several times. This happened a few times before I approached them and asked them kindly not to vague post about me, as I have "trauma" (put in quotes because the vague posting was not the root cause of it) surrounding people pretending to be my friend and shit-talking me in vague posts. They apologized, and agreed to try and cut down on doing it.

But it didn't stop. A week would pass, and they would go right back to it. Their suicide threats were made near daily, and while I don't mind talking someone down from suicide, being expected to do it every single day was taking a massive toll on my mental health.

Eventually, my partners and I decided we weren't cut out to be friends with this person. A message was sent to the Discord server, explaining we made a collective decision that we were not a good match, and that we'd be deleting the server. Cue the final breakdown - as soon as they saw the message, they started to freak out, threatening to kill themselves, begging not to leave them, saying they'd be alone without us, etc. The server was deleted and they moved to my partner's DMs, still threatening suicide and generally being nasty.

After blocking them on socmed, things were quiet for a while. Occasionally, they will send me or my partners asks telling them they're going to kill themselves and how they just want to "make things right" between us. Obviously these threats are empty. The last one they sent me was on Roblox of all things because I'd blocked them everywhere else.

So, am I the asshole? Should I have continued to stay in this friendship and tried harder to make it work?

What are these acronyms?

[gonegirlaccount]

(A/N: okay so I accidentally deleted this so I took a screenshot. So to the anon who requested this, enjoy🤞🏽)

“Not my fault.” Bullied!fem!reader X Vance Hopper(TW: tiny bit of violence)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ —

You sighed as you picked your stuff up again. While you were walking to class, some girls came over and made fun of you. After that, some boys came and shoved you around making you drop all your stuff. All you wanted to do was go through the day without getting hurt. Was that so hard?

As you got into class, you sat in the seat next to your boyfriend, Vance Hopper. Your relationship with him was secret, since you didn’t really feel like letting everybody know you’re dating somebody.

It’s none of their business anyway.

As you’re putting your stuff down and getting out what you need, Vance leans over to you.

“Why the hell were you so late? You’re usually here before me.” He whispered. “I Uhm dropped my stuff.” You lied. You didn’t need anymore trouble bout telling him what’s going on.

He just eyed you up and down before looking back to the teacher.

You sighed.

‘I hope they leave me alone..I’m not in the mood today and they should already be bored of me.’ you thought.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ —

You were wrong once again. This time, it was after school, you were walking to the grab n go to see Vance when the boys came back. They laughed at you, making fun of everything about you. But you just kept walking, thinking ‘ they’ll go away soon enough, I just have to wait’.

They didn’t leave. And instead decided to hurt you physically if they couldn’t mentally. They pushed you to the ground and kicked at you. You felt tears in your eyes so you looked down, not wanting them to see. But it was too late.

“Look at her, she’s crying. Crybaby.” They laughed and mocked you. They left soon after since they got bored of you.

You got up, dusted your self off then went back to your journey of seeing Vance. Now, your jeans had a rip, your knee was cut, your cheek was turning purple, your eyes were puffy and red from crying and worst of all, you cried infront of them. Now they would have something to keep reminding you.

As you made it the Grab n go, Vance smiled to see you but it went away when he saw you all pouty and messed up. “Gorgeous, what the fuck happened to you? And who did it?” He asked but you didn’t say anything and just hugged him, sobbing into his shoulder.

He let you and wrapped his arms around your waist. He didn’t give a fuck who was watching, he was going to hug you and comfort you.

After a little while, you calmed down, and Vance asked again. “Listen to me babe okay? If you just tell me, I promise I’ll make everything be better, alright?” You nodded and he sighed.

“So what the hell happened? And who the fuck did it? Cmon, tell me. It’s alright.” Vance asked once more, holding your hand gently. You sighed and decided it’s the right time to tell him.

“Well, I was uh walking here to see you when. These three boys came to me. They..made fun of me than…than they shoved me. And kicked me alot….they made fun of my crying until they were bored.” You told Vance truthfully and you saw him get more upset.

“Why would they want to do that to you? I won’t let it happen again. If you would’ve told me this sooner, I could’ve been able to get rid of..the problem.” Vance sighed and just held you close.

“Don’t worry about it though, Y/N. Because your boyfriend will handle it.” He swore to you.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ —

The next few days at school, you were expecting the boys the come and make fun of you. But that didn’t happen. Today, the girls seemed a bit terrified to go near you. “T-this is all your fault! Now they have g-get medical attention.” One of the girls said to you.

“Not my fault.”

You said and walked off to where Vance is. He smiled and kissed you gently on the lips infront of everyone at school.

That’s when the girls realized why Vance did what he did.

You were the reason one. You were his lover.

They know better than to mess with you now unless ss they want an ass whopping.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ —

Bro I was so sleepy making this sorry💔💔💔

[simpforfandoms]

you’re loosing me

wrote this on my phone the day you’re loosing me

pairing: dick grayson x fem!reader (I don’t think any pronouns are used tho)

summary: the end of a relationship is never fun

warnings: probs bad might delete later

“I don’t know, I just don’t see myself marrying you” dick states

You snort, “but you saw yourself marrying Barbara and Kory?”

You smile while saying it, trying to play it off as a lighthearted conversation, like you didn’t hear your heart break, like he practically wasn’t saying that you weren’t good enough to marry.

He shrugs, “yeah but that’s different they’re like heroes”

and they’re prettier than you? Smarter? Braver? Stronger? He loved them more than you? It wasn’t like he was meaning to judge you but it felt like it. It felt like he was judging you for not being as good as them.

You scrunch your lips in distaste, “hmmm not really but ok.”

He laughs in disbelief, noticing the slight venom to your words, “you seriously can’t be mad at me for saying I wouldn’t marry you, you’re the one who asked me!”

You’re jaw clenches at his words, first it was I don’t see myself marrying you, now it was I wouldn’t marry you, you shut your jaw and try to compose yourself.

He notices your response, or lack thereof, and states something before you even get the chance to speak, “it’s not like you would marry me!”

Your face turns into one of disgust and confusion, “Dick I would marry you in a heartbeat.” You state.

For a moment he just stares at you, knowing he can’t say the same to you. You shrug and turn your head back to the tv and watch some random sitcom on ABC family, ignoring the burning sensation in your stomach all the way up to your heart. He inches closer to you and wraps an arm around you.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Right.” is what your mouth says but the achy sensation in your heart is telling a different story.

•

A month later and thing start quickly going downhill, more arguing, more resentment, less love.

“I don’t understand.” Dick says

“I know you don’t.” You reply

“Then help me understand!”

“I can’t! Alright?”

“I’m sick of your fucking mind games!”

“My mind games?!?”

“Yes! You say you I judge you! I don’t”

“Yes you do like non stop as you’re off saving lives!”

“I’ve told you like a thousand times I don’t judge what you do!”

“Uh no no yes you do judge me. Like last month remember? You said you wouldn’t marry because I’m not a hero!”

“What?” He sighs, “okay, if I did say that I was probably just agreeing with you.”

“Well you did. You did say it. And I just can’t unhear the judgement in your voice.”

“Oh my god! Give me fucking break.” He shouts, “you don’t feel judged by me, you don’t and you know you don’t. You have judgement on yourself and you’re making this about me.” He pauses to look at you, “I have been nothing but supportive of you. You say you want to be attorney I say “that’s great, I love you.” but then you don’t believe me, so then you say you want to volenteer at an library for underprivileged youth, and I say “that’s great, I love you.” And then you’re mad at me for supporting that, it’s like I can’t fucking win with you!”

“Cause you never should have let me do the library, Dick!” You sigh, “like you know me better than anybody and you let me quit a job that I love to go teach children to fucking read! You should’ve stopped me!”

“You kept saying that that was what you wanted and it’s not my fucking job to make you be honest with me!”

“Yeah you’re right, I don’t know what came over me I’m sorry.” You say in defeat just wanted the argument to end

“No your not because you still think I’m in the wrong. I’m not. You make everything constantly about you. You don’t care about at all about Nightwing except how it relates to you, how it makes you feel. And it’s exhausting. Like what about me? I want somebody to show up for me and to support me. Not just someone who’s always thinking about themselves. And if you do have a problem you need to fucking talk to me.” He pauses for emphasis, “but instead you spin and spin and you quit your job and you hide things from me, like we’re in a relationship, we’re supposed to be partners”

“Dick what the fuck do you want me to do? I patch you up after patrol, I stay up for you because I know you don’t want to go to sleep alone, I follow your rules because I know it’s for my safety. What more do you want?”

“I want you to see that what I do is for greater good!”

“Yes I do, you make that perfectly clear! And I’m sure if it were between me and the fucking greater good you would choose the greater good! Because I’m no fucking Starfire or fucking Batgirl, I’m just me and apparently that’s not enough for you!”

“Oh my god this again! How many times do I have to tell you that I love you for you?!?”

“I never said you didn’t, you just don’t love me as much as you love them! You’ve made that as clear as a window.”

“Is this about the marriage thing because if it is then fine let’s go get married.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then help me understand because you’re acting fucking crazy!”

“I don’t want you to marry me out of spite! I want you to marry me because you want to! And that isn’t the fucking problem!”

“Then what is?”

“I can’t be what you want!”

“I have never said that!”

“You don’t have to I can fucking feel it!”

Dick sighs, “fine if you can’t see that I love you for who you are then maybe this isn’t going to work out.”

“Yeah maybe.” You sigh, “I’m going to sleep in the guest room tonight.”

“I’m going out.” He says as he walks out the door and slams it.

When the door shuts you mutter a ‘fuck you to’ to particularly no one. Then you rush to the bathroom for a nice clearing your mind shower. What the fuck was happening. What the actual fuck. Was this the end of a five year relationship. Just like that five year relationship down the drain. Well not just like that, it’s been a long time coming. Recently you’ve started to notice that the relationship was slowly and painfully becoming more of a burden then a joy. You cut your hair, he didn’t notice. You hardly ever saw him anymore because of his work, and when you did it was just arguing. You would call him and it would go to voicemail and you would listen to it because you haven’t heard his voice in a while. And you thought that maybe a job that helps people more would bring you closer to him, but it didn’t. If anything it made things worse, you resented him as if he made you get the job. And you resented for not seeing that you resented him. You didn’t want to resent him because that was the first sign of a end of a relationship. And it feels so fucking horrible to resent the person you love for no reason. He didn’t make you quit your job, you made yourself. He was right it’s not his job to make you be honest with him. None of this was his fault. And you know he feels the same way. You saw the sparkle in his eyes leave. You felt him seeing you as a chore to check off his to-do list. You see him see you as to needy. So you saw the end coming. You just didn’t know it would be so painful. You guess it’s true what people say, “sometimes people just grow apart”.

As the cold water hits your skin, you’re brought out of your thoughts. The hot having turning cold reminded you just how long you have been in the shower. But instead of getting out, you let the water stream down your face, disguising your tears.

…

After a long hard talk about what you both want, you decided it was time to go.

“so I guess this is goodbye?” you say with a bitter sweet smile

“Yeah I guess.” He says with that same bittersweet smile.

“I’ve regretted endless things but I don’t think I’ll ever regret you. You taught me how to love and for that I’m forever grateful.” You state walking over to him to embrace him in hug

Dick welcomes the hug and mumbles “I hate how you’re so poetic even in a time of despair.”

“Oh please you love that about me!” You pull back appalled

“Yeah I guess” he sighs

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you to”

“Goodbye.” You say as you let go of his hands

“Goodbye.” As he says it you have to hold back from saying ‘I love you’ because now he wasn’t yours.

You turn to leave and are you about to open the door but pause. There’s so many unsaid words. Unfinished dreams. Unfulfilled accomplishments. But maybe they were better off left that way. You then open the door and leave behind a whirlwind of memories but also find new ones. You do not know what will come from Dick’s part in your life but you know it led you closer to you’re happy ending. While you still love him, you realized you’re just not what each other need anymore and that’s okay.

[distractionpie]

scraps sunday

i have way too many cut scenes and bits of outline that i'm not going ahead with but i'm loathe to delete. so in the interests of not having a scrap heap bigger than my wip pile, here is a collection of moments from a would-be 4x14 divergence au in which nobody is sure if when Eddie will wake up from his injuries and Buck finds out about the will while Eddie is still unconcious. It got scrapped because I never really figured out what the narrative shape would be and tbh what I actually wrote was mostly just a vehicle to write Eddie's parents being told 'no' to cope with the s7 ending.

if anybody wants to jump on this bandwagon with me feel free to call it a tag game or whatever.

________________________________________

He’s stable, but there have been some complications with the surgery.

Buck wraps an arm around Christopher, tries to breathe through the crushing weight on his chest. He needs to hold it together until he can tell Christopher that everything is going to be okay.

If it is. He understands that Bobby probably doesn’t want to put medical information in a text, but what does ‘complications’ mean? The possibilities are too varied and it’s only the weight of Christopher shaking against his side that keeps Buck’s focus from the worst of them.

“Bobby has news from the hospital, will you be okay while I step out and call him?”

He could make the call here, but if the new is bad then he’s going to have work out how to keep himself under control and a suitable way to explain it to Christopher; kids shouldn’t have to bear the weight of their—of adults’ grief. It guts him, the way Christopher steels his jaw and nods. Nobody should have to be as brave as this kid is.

Bobby picks up on the second ring, obviously expecting how fast Buck would call back

“Complications?” he demands, no space for greetings when he’s so full of fear.

“He’s stable,” Bobby reiterates. “But there have been some issues that are going to require decisions about ongoing care, and they can only release more detailed information about that to a nominated medical contact.”

“What? Has he only put down family? I have his aunt and abuela’s numbers, but not his parents.” Bobby should have the details for whoever that was anyway, as firefighters they had to fill out detailed paperwork about who they wanted contacting in the case of emergencies. Buck had put down Bobby and then later Maddie, but Eddie had enough family not to have to resort of putting that extra weight on his captain. If he’d already contacted them, Pepa or Isabel would surely tell Bobby everything important, they understood that the 118 were family. But what if Eddie had put his parents? They didn’t understand the life Eddie had built here, but surely they’d at least recognise that the information needed to be passed to somebody to share with Chris.

“Primary is you, Buck. His aunt is backup, but she’s out of town. She won’t be back in LA until tomorrow.”

“Me?”

“You’re nominated both for information and medical decisions,” Bobby says. “I’m… surprised he never discussed that with you, to ensure you knew his wishes if you ever needed to make a decision.”

“He’d want whatever it took for him to be there for Chris,” Buck points out. “That doesn’t need discussing. But what do I need to do to get them to tell me what he needs, can I call the hospital?.”

“You’ll need to come down with some ID and speak with the hospital administration,” Bobby explains. “Once you’ve verified who you are and your contact details, they should be able to handle things over the phone after that.” Which makes it sound like Bobby thinks this isn’t going to be a one and done conversation, Buck’s input a brief band-aid before Eddie wakes up and take over his own care. Does Bobby know something? No, he’d said they weren’t releasing medical information, more likely he’s just airing on the side of caution in his assumptions. He has to be, because Eddie needs to be fine.

“Carla is still here, I’ll ask her to stay, and be right back there.”

“He’s stable and there’s no rush,” Bobby repeats. “Drive safely.”

And, fuck, there’s a part of Buck that is burning to put his foot on the gas and keep it there, the way he had on his way out of Pennsylvania, on a hundred other trips where he’d told himself if he just went far enough and fast enough he’d reach a place that was okay. But right now Eddie needs him, Christopher needs him, and he can’t be in both places at once. He can’t be there for either of them if he rolls the jeep or jumps a red light and gets run off the road. Buck is not enough. But Pepa’s out of town and Isabel can’t deal with the hospital when covid is still such a risk, and Eddie named Buck: all he can do is take the best precautions he can to get them through this.

“I will.”

________________________________________

Eddie’s doctor is still talking.

Buck’s an EMT. He’s an EMT who works with two of the best paramedics in the city—the country—and pays attention when they talk shop because you never know when information might come in handy. He could be—should be—understanding more of this

But it’s impossible to take anything in with “we don’t know when he’ll wake up” ringing in his ears.

When. Not if. Buck hadn’t clung to anything so hard since he’d found Christopher during the tsunami (for all the good it did him, but Buck shoves the thought down). There was no brain damage, no reason to believe he wouldn’t wake up; but the blood loss had been severe and he’d had an unexpected reaction to the anaesthesia, so until he showed some change in status it was impossible to predict what the timeline for Eddie’s recovery might be.

If he’d only arrived a little earlier, changed into his uniform before the call came in, it could be him in that bed and Eddie could be driving Christopher to school like he should be, worried for him probably, but their lives wouldn’t be turned upside down

________________________________________

He opens the door, expecting someone from the team. Instead there are two people he recognises only faintly from Eddie’s graduation.

Eddie’s parents. Helena and Ramon.

To be here already they must have got on the first flight out of Texas after finding out. That’s… probably what parents should do, but it isn’t Buck’s experience and he’s pretty sure Eddie’s parents haven’t visited LA at all in the past two years, they barely even come up in conversation and surely if they were in frequent contact with Eddie and Chris, Buck would have heard about it.

They look as surprised to see him as he does to see them.

[strained greetings etc happen]

“I can pack a bag for him.”

“A bag?”

“Of course we can buy him whatever he needs in Texas, but he’ll need things for the trip.”

Texas.

“Eddie could wake up this afternoon, do you really want to be on a flight to Texas when that happens?”

“Is that likely?” Ramon said. “According to what the doctors told Josephina, they have no idea when he’ll wake up.”

“They don’t,” Buck conceded. “But it’s been less than 24 hours since he got out of surgery. Give him a chance. Christoper isn’t going to want to be states away when his dad wakes up.”

Eddie’s parents exchanged looks. The faces were different, but Buck recognised it all the same from the way that his parents looked at each other when they thought he was being irrational.

“Christopher is a child. He doesn’t know what’s best for himself. It's not his responsibility to be here for Eddie, Christopher needs to be somewhere he can be properly cared for with no more disruption.”

Buck drew in a deep breath. These were Eddie’s parents, Christopher’s grandparents, he needed to be respectful, but that didn’t mean tolerating their good intentions making things worse.

“If you can’t take the time away to prioritise Christopher--” and he could hear the bite in his words, but how could they think Christopher being hundreds of miles away when Eddie woke up would be good for either of them.

“Of course we’re prioritising Christopher, taking him home is what’s best for him.”

“His home is here.”

“Buck, we appreciate you stepping in until Christopher’s family could get here, but you can leave now. We can organise ourselves.”

They were throwing him out of Eddie’s house. From the way Helena’s gaze was flicking pointedly between him and the door, they were expecting him to leave without even speaking with Christopher.

“I said—”

________________________________________

[Buck calls Hen, since she’d looked into all her legal options around Nia]

“They’re his grandparents, Buck.”

“And they want to drag him halfway across the country, rather than him being here when Eddie wakes up. Rather than them being here for their son. Christopher isn’t going to want that, and surely he has some kind of rights in this situation? They can’t just take him if he doesn’t want to go. I-it’s not like they’re the only option, Isabel would take him, and Pepa will be back later this week.”

“Eddie’s parents are closer relations than his aunt and grandmother, and we both know Isabel’s health really isn’t up to caring for Christopher full time. But it’s true that taking him out of state isn’t ideal, especially with the pandemic; and Eddie sent Christopher to his aunt not his parents at the height of the quarantine, which could be used in Josephina’s favour.” Hen hummed. “Eddie took the time to set up medical power of attorney; I expect he’ll have put something in place for Christopher. If he’s put something in writing about Christopher staying in California or there was any legal element to the arrangements with Christopher and his aunt, it might be grounds to argue for Christopher staying in California. Even if Eddie’s parents are Christopher’s next of kin, Eddie’s status would be short-term incapacity, which will limit their rights until… Unless this situation stretches on long enough for them to actively seek greater rights.”

But Hen had slipped, and none of them knew when Eddie would wake up — there was a very real possibility that he stayed down long enough for his parents to go through that process.

“Thanks Hen,” Buck said. “I… you know I… this isn’t about Eddie’s parents, it’s about Christopher. If they’re in such a rush to get him back to Texas, can’t even take a few vacation days to stay with him here and see if Eddie’s prognosis gets any clearer, how are they supposed to support him through this?”

“I know,” Hen said. “Buck, I agree with you. Taking Christopher so far away, so fast, it’s not in his best interest if there’s another viable option. But the law is more practical, and taking him out of state isn’t harmful. You’re going to need to tread carefully here, be persuasive, not argumentative.”

________________________________________

[Buck phones Eddie’s lawyer on Hen’s advice]

“Mr Buckley, are you not already aware that Mr Diaz named you?”

“Yeah, I know about the medical proxy. But this is about his son, I need to know if Eddie made any provisions which would keep his parents from taking him--”

“From his named emergency guardian? Not without a protracted legal process. We can of course recommend some colleagues in family law should you wish to prepare for that possibility, but Mr Diaz’s expressed wishes are very clear: in the event of his incapacity, you are his son’s legal guardian, with full rights and responsibilities, as well as administration over his assets in order to facilitate his son’s care. And, should you be unavailable, the second preference guardian is Josephina Diaz, who is listed as Mr Diaz’s aunt.”

Pepa. Of course. Because Eddie would want to minimise the disruption to Chris and that meant, just as Buck had assumed, keeping him in LA.

Pepa, second.

To Buck.

“Does she know that?”

There was a brief pause. “It is typical in such situations for potential guardianship to be discussed with all involved parties, but it isn’t a mandatory step. Mr Diaz was, of course, informed that the named individuals would be at liberty to decline.”

“Kind of the opposite of the problem,” Buck blurts out, then shakes his head. “Sorry, thank you. Is that… can I refer Eddie’s parents to you if they don’t believe me?”

“We can disclose Mr Diaz’s wishes to them, with your permission as the administrator of his affairs. But we would strongly advise that you retain your own counsel for support with this process, again, I can recommend someone.”

________________________________________

[Buck comes back in to find Helena and Ramon still getting Christopher ready to leave]

Taking a few steadying breaths. Eddie’s parents were probably working on the assumption that it was their role, rather than knowingly circumventing Eddie’s wishes. Given the confidence with which they’d approached taking Christopher back to Texas, the news was probably going to come as a shock.

“But I don’t want to go to Texas.”

“I know this is scary for you. Eddie should never have put you in this position. But we’ll get you back in your room, we can redecorate it together, and you’ll remember how much you liked it there with us.”

Persuasive, not argumentative, Hen had said. But she’d been working on the assumption that rights over Christopher would legally default to Eddie’s parents.

And they weren’t just trying to force Buck out, they were ignoring Christopher.

“No. Uprooting him from his home is not what is in his best interests right now,” he said. “And since Eddie appointed me as Christopher’s legal guardian, I’m telling you to listen to Christopher. He’s staying right here.”

[arguing ensures, Eddie’s recovery prospects/timeline is brought up]

Helena glares. “Christopher shouldn’t hear this.”

“It affects him, he needs to know.”

Helena’s lips narrowed. “Do you want to frighten him? Eddie might have decided he didn’t care about the risks of his occupation, but Christopher is a sensitive young child—”

“Of course Eddie cares about the risks,” Buck snaps. “And right now what Chris knows is that his Dad hasn’t come home and nobody can give an answer about when he will. That’s already frightening. At least if he has the facts, he won’t be speculating that things are worse than they are.”

________________________________________

[Buck contemplates the team being out there while he is staying at home with Christopher]

His team are out there, despite having their own kids at home, who shouldn’t have to worry about losing their parents, and he doesn’t have their backs, can’t help them. But the only way to do that would be to risk no longer having Eddie’s back, not being here for Eddie while Eddie is helpless.

Eddie had chosen Buck to look after Christopher, and that made him Buck’s number one priority until Eddie and Chris didn’t need him anymore.

Once Eddie and Christopher are okay, Buck will do whatever is needed of him, don the LAFD bulletproof vest and go wherever he’s needed, do what he can to shield his family from risks, but right now doing so would be putting Christopher at risk.

Fuck, Buck doesn’t even have a will. Maddie was named for his LAFD insurance payout, back when he’d filled out the paperwork it had been with a desperate hope that he wasn’t just giving it to Doug with extra steps, and once that had been enough, but now he has people that matter, a life he’s made no arrangements for.

What even happens when you die without a will? Next of kin, logically, which under California’s law…

God, it’s probably his parents. He’s going to need to call a lawyer even if everything goes fine with the guardianship situation.

[getsojaded]

you don't go to parties iii | calum hood

a/n: I DID IT GUYS R U PROUD OF ME

i was in a bigggg writing funk before this and i’m glad i got it done. sorry for making u guys wait so terribly long for it. i love u

warnings: calum hood x she/her reader, lowercase intended, calum's a mess (slight alcohol tw) angst happy ending

—

calum ghosted himself from everybody since that encounter with him, y/n, and his bandmates.

the other three boys tried their absolute hardest to get a word out of him, making endless phone calls, sending texts every ten minutes, and they even tried knocking at his door. calum ignored all of them, and gradually, it all just stopped.

he didn't really know what to do with himself. he had been so used to an environment full of so many people around him, and now? only having, himself, his dog and a few guitars? this felt new to him.

he also hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since him and the boys' fight.

looking back at it, calum knows he might have not reacted in the best way possible. he was angry, he really was. seeing his ex-girlfriend leave michael's house with all three of his bestfriends there was almost the last thing he expected to see, and it took him aback. but he knows he had no right to start yelling at all of them.

he's tried reaching out. in calum's head, luke seems like he would be the easiest to talk to – they've known each other since they were sixteen ; they tell each other everything. so why couldn't calum just muster up some courage and call him? text him, even?

as he sits at his couch with his phone in his hands, he looks at the message he's typed out.

hey guys, i know this is kind of out of the blue but i wanted to say sorry to you guys in person. i did some really fucked up shit and i know you guys were just looking out for me. do you think we could all meet up?

he deletes it before laying on the couch and going to bed.

—

initially, calum's woken up by a ding!, indicating somebody's texted him. slightly suprised, but not awake enough to care, he ignores it and attempts to go back to sleep. that happens to be unsuccessful as his phone starts ringing.

sitting up from the couch slightly annoyed, he picks up the phone and rubs his eyes. "hello?" calum groans.

"calum?" a slurred voice rings through his ears, and that's all it takes for him to jump back into full consciousness. "calum! you answered!" y/n happily exclaims through the phone, and he already knows she's had something to drink.

"are you okay, y/n?" calum softly asks while he walks to his bedroom.

"i'm okay! i'm at the bar alone and i had a few shots, and i started thinking about you. the boys told me that they haven't heard from you in about a week or so, and i didn't contact you because i was scared i was gonna make it worse. but i was thinking about you and i got really worried, so i called you to make sure you're okay," y/n rambles, sighing as she finishes closing her tab, picking up her bag from the table and walking towards the exit.

"you're – you're alone?" calum asks, concern laced in his voice and his face although she can't see it. "yeah, i'm just about to leave. anyways, thanks for answering. i'm glad to hear you're okay-"

"y/n i swear to god if you end this phone call right now," calum sternly tells her in response, picking up his keys and making his way to his front door. "where are you?"

"you know where i am," y/n responds softly. "you have to know where i am."

calum stops in his tracks for a brief moment before fully understanding what she means by that.

"stay there, please. i'm on my way."

—

she's sitting on the side of the pavement, a cig in her hand while she waits for him to get there. she doesn't smoke very often, but when she does, she knows her emotions are taking over.

after y/n heard from michael that calum hasn't spoken to him or the other boys in over a week, she started to feel stressed out. was the slight fallout between all of them her fault? should she have hung out that one day with michael, and maybe everything would have been okay?

she's clouded in her own thoughts, a hand on her head while she takes the last hit of her cigarette before throwing it on the ground and putting it out with the heel of her shoe. headlights start to approach her, and from the car model, she already knows that it's calum.

she gets up and lightly brushes off her body before walking towards his car. calum quickly puts his car in park before rushing over to y/n and helping her into the passengers seat of the car.

"hi calum! good to see you." y/n tells him with a lazy smile on her face, looking up at him. the happy feeling is not reciprocated, as he looks at her with a nonchalant face and nodding to adress her.

he's back in the drivers seat, putting the car back in drive when she starts to speak up again. "are you mad at me?"y/n asks softly, playing with her fingers and not making eye contact.

"i'm not mad," calum starts. "i'm just, a little disappointed. you know better than to go out alone. you know that's not safe. i was just worried about you." he breathes out heavily, focusing on the road.

"that's not what i'm talking about, y/n responds, looking at him with a sad smile. "i'm asking if you're mad at me for seeing michael, luke and ashton. i'm asking you if you're mad at me for.. for leaving you."

"y/n, i don't know if we should be talking about this, at least right now we shouldn't..." calum trails off, closing his eyes for a split second.

"you can tell me the truth, cal. you can hate me."

he looks to his right, just to see her face for just a second, and she sees her looking at him with watery eyes and a small frown. she's on the verge of tears, and he can't let that happen.

taking his right hand off the wheel and reaching for her hand, he grabs it and intertwines it with his, his thumb rubbing against the base of her thumb.

"i don't, y/n. i don't hate you. don't think i ever could."

she nods silently, and the conversation comes to an end before calum reaches her house. he exits his side and opens y/n's car door to walk her to her front door.

“thanks for helping me get home,” y/n whispers to the boy helping her stand up while he takes out her keys from her purse. not saying anything, calum unlocks the door and walks the both of them inside, shutting it behind him and helping her take off her shoes.

she’s in her change of clothes and the two of them are sitting next to each other when calum asks, “why did you go to the bar tonight?” y/n’s still kind of out of it, and she can’t quite yet process the entirety of her situation. so while she’s sitting on the edge of her bed next to calum, she does what she feels is best — pour her heart out.

“i told you earlier, i’ve been thinking about you. i’m worried about you cal.. i have been even before you stopped talking to your best friends. i know how you’ve been acting, partying and all. and i guess… i guess like i feel that it’s my fault? i never gave you a chance? i just, i just kind of got up and left without telling you.. i shouldn’t have done that. and now, the first time we talk to each other in months is a result of me getting too drunk needing help… you hurt me a lot but i didn’t realize how much i hurt you.. and i’m sorry. it’s long overdue but, i’m really sorry. if i could go back and do it over again i would.”

calum’s glassy eyes meet her sad ones as she shoots him a small smile. “please don’t be mad at them,” she finishes, talking about luke, michael and ashton. “they love you so much, and they want what’s best for you. they’re worried about you, just like how i am.” she takes her hand and gently cups calum’s face, leaning her forehead against his.

“you did nothing wrong,” he breathes out, his voice shaky. “nothing was your fault, y/n. i promise.” he can’t have this conversation. not yet. not while the girl in front of him isn’t sober, and not while his thoughts aren’t collected properly. hell, y/n might not even remember this the next day.

“y/n, i have to go. i’ll text you tomorrow to ask how you’re feeling.” calum states, getting up from y/n’s bed and beginning to leave, but she stops him by grabbing his hand. “no, it’s late. i made you pick me up. the least i could do is let you stay here,” she pleads softly, holding her grip on his hand tighter. “please don’t go.”

and while calum knows he shouldn’t do it, he sighs and enters the bed in the empty space that drunk y/n made for him. he makes sure to leave a good amount of space between the two, even if it means he's on the verge of falling of the bed.

calum's doing everything in his power to what felt like for once, to do the right thing. he's hurt her one, two, three many times before and he feels like he's walking on eggshells in this moment.

his back is facing hers and yet he still can't sleep. he can't stop thinking of all the mistakes he's made and how much pain he's caused to the one girl he's only truly loved. he also thinks about his bandmates, his brothers. how could he have acted so recklessly towards them? he knows that he knows better, and yet he still didn't show it.

despite his better judgement, calum turns around to face y/n, out like a light. she looks comfortable – she looks at peace. calum subconsciously forms a small smile, and moves the few hairs out of her face.

and in this moment, he vowed to do better. be better. not only for her, but his bestfriends, and himself.

—

he’s surprised when he sees the caller id pop up on his phone. not only that, but he’s kind of scared as well. after not talking to him for what felt like the longest they’ve ever gone without doing such, how do you approach the conversation?

luke picks up calum’s call on the third ring. “hey, cal,” he begins. “luke, i know i have a lot to explain and i just wanted to say that i’m sorry. but i think it’s better if i come talk to you in person, do you think we could do that today?” calum asks.

“i’ll be at your place in ten minutes.” and with that, luke’s out the door.

—

“you look like you haven’t gotten any sleep.” luke states the second calum opens the door for him. “i haven’t. i also haven’t changed my clothes in 3 days,” he responds, gesturing to the black hoodie and grey sweatpants he has on.

the two take a seat on the couch across from each other before calum cuts right to the chase: “i stayed at y/n’s house last night.”

luke looks shocked when the words leave his mouth, “what? how? why?”

“she called me, and she was at the bar alone. she said she was just leaving and that she called me to tell me she was thinking of me, but i couldn’t just let her get home alone so i drove to her and dropped her off. and she was saying… she was saying how she feels like it’s her fault i acted the way i did after our breakup. and, that if she could ‘do it all over again’ she would. i tried telling her nothing is her fault, but i don’t know if she took it. then she asked me to stay the night, and i did,”

“what’s the matter, cal? why did you not want to talk to us? what’s going on?”

it’s evident that luke’s concerned, and it’s written all over his face. he looks almost scared ; scared for his best friend — his brother who he loves so much.

“luke, i don’t know,” calum’s voice breaks, looking at him. “i saw you guys with y/n and it just - i just raged. i’ve never felt so mad in my life and i can’t blame anyone for it but me. and then seeing y/n act the way i did - do, i realized that the stress and hurt i was feeling was something that you guys were feeling about me, if not even worse. i didn't realize that i was ruining my life. with all the parties i threw and went to, all the fucking alcohol, i saw it as my way only out. but it wasn’t. it changed me, and for the worse. i’m so sorry, luke. i’m so sorry to you, and ash, and mike. i’ll apologize for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes,” tears are running down the both of their faces as luke pulls him in for a hug.

“it’s okay, cal. it’s okay. we know you’re in a tough spot, and we’re here to help you. we were just worried. we all are.” luke reassures calum as he sobs into his arms.

"i need- i need to call ashton and michael. tell them i'm sorry. i need to-" "hey, hey, don't worry. i'll tell them to come here. it's okay cal, we'll all be okay. don't worry." luke cuts him off, pulling away and walking towards the kitchen.

"hey, i know it's kind of early, but somebody's here to see us. and it's important, so you might wanna get here fast."

within 15 minutes both boys opened luke's front door, to be greated by their teary eyed bandmate. they're already struggling to contain their emotions, and they all pull calum into a group hug. countless confessions, apologies, and tears are shared, and at the end of it, all four boys are certain of one thing:

that it's gonna be okay.

–

calum doesn't receive a call from y/n until the evening.

she's nervous, she's so fucking nervous; she could barely click his phone number. she's worried and embarassed and all around scared. she barely even knows what she's going to say to him.

"hello?"

"hi." she simpy responds, breathing in deeply. "sorry for not calling you sooner, i just finished my shift. and, thank you for helping me last night. i know it was out of your way."

"don't apologize, it's alright. and it was no problem, i'm just glad you ended up home safe."

there's silence on both ends before y/n speaks up again. "are you busy right now? do you think, do you- can i come over?"

"oh i- oh yeah totally, for sure." what the fuck. calum feels like a thirteen year old boy talking to his middle school crush for the first time with the way he's stumbling across his words.

"okay, see you." and y/n abruptly ends the phone call before rushing out of her house.

calum's sitting and fidgeting with his hands when y/n knocks on his door. slowly walking towards and opening it, he's greeted by the girl with a small smile on her face, wearing pyjamas and one of his old tour hoodies. "hi."

"hi, come in," he holds the door for her and she walks inside, kicking off her shoes, then following calum into the kitchen where he's grabbing two glasses. "want a drink?" he asks, her nodding in response before filling the glasses with water.

"i know you're probably wondering why i asked to come over," she starts, taking a big gulp from her glass. "and honestly, i'm kind of, uh, scared. nervous. but i know we needed to talk, about a lot of things. about us. about, everything really. and, i don't know if i'll ever be brave enough to say this again."

calum can almost feel the nerves radiating from y/n. to calm her down, he walks towards her and takes a seat next to her on the island, lightly placing his hand on top of hers before gesturing her to continue.

"i.. i know i shouldn't have left the way i did. i left you with nothing. no note, no 'goodbye', no anything. and i've regretted it ever since." she confesses, closing her eyes.

calum turns to face y/n, sadness planted on his face. "i understand why you did. i fucked up, beyond compare.. and, you did what you felt was best." this was gonna be a hard conversation to have. "yesterday.. you said, that if you could do it all over again, you would have. what do you mean by that? our relationship? or?"

"no, i meant, the end of it. we didn't even have a breakup – i just took my shit and left. i should've given you a chance to explain, have a fucking conversation like adults and instead i just, i was a coward! i just fucking left you. how could i have done that?!" y/n's visibly starting to get upset, tears forming from her eyes as she tries to continue. "and then i kept hearing what you were doing, and i couldn't help but feel like i'm the one to blame for that. maybe things would have gone better if i just, let you say something, anything to me. but i didn't. and for that, i am so, so sorry. i'll never be able to apologize enough for that."

calum's about to speak up, to tell her that nothing was her fault, that she shouldn't have to apologize, but she keeps going. "and then, at michael's house. i never meant to hurt you. they were just, looking out for you and they wanted me to try and help you. when you came over and i saw the look on your face, i-i felt even more guilty, and then.. and then mike told me you went m.i.a on them, and i just - it's all my fucking fault, isn't it cal?"

y/n's in hysterics by the end of her sentence, and calum can't stand to see the sight of her in pain because of him again. he pulls her into his arms, stroking her hair while he whispers everything from no, no it's not to it's okay.

"it's not your fault, i promise, y/n, it's not," he tries to reassure her. "we both made a mistake. everything i did.. the way i acted, it's on me," calum whispers, holding her tighter, hoping that would help take all her pain away.

"i'm sorry i never realized i was leaving you behind. you're the most important person to me, and the one thing i thought i'd never do was hurt you. but that's exactly what i did. and for that.. i'm not sure i'll ever forgive myself. i lost the one thing i thought that i would have for the rest of my life, and there's nobody to blame for that but myself. not you. it was never you." calum confesses, his throat tightening up as he prepares to cry for what felt like the hundreth time that day.

she pulls away slightly, her broken, tear-stained eyes facing his soft brown ones. "i care, so fucking much about you. and knowing you were upset, and turning to alcohol, i just... i love you calum, okay? i'm not sure i'll ever feel the same way about anyone the way i did with you. i've been so fucking scared because i can't stand the thought of anything bad happening to you and i, i'm sorry cal. i'm sorry i wasn't there for you."

"no, y/n, please stop apologizing. i'm sorry that i wasn't there for you."

the pair let their emotions get the best of them, holding each other as fucking tight as they possibly could while sobs come out from the both of them. there was so many things left unsaid, and letting it all out – they both needed this. they needed each other.

calum thought that he'd never wound up in this position - doing everything in his power to reassure y/n that it's not her fault.

“i’m going to do better, okay y/n?” he quietly says to her, slightly pulling away from the embrace, taking her hand and intertwining it with hers. “i’m done with this shit, i promise. it’s not good for me - it never was. and i’m so sorry. for leaving you in the dust, and for making you worry. it’s not happening again. never again.” calum places a soft kiss to her hand while y/n wipes away her tears with her free hand. she nods in response, closing her eyes and leaning into his shoulder. she’s exhausted, but she’s happy they had the conversation. yeah, it might have resulted in choked sobs bouncing off every wall in the house, but’s it off her chest. it’s off his chest too. they’ve said everything they need to say.

“thank you, for, hearing me out. thank you for your apology, and thank you for.. everything.” y/n says to him, placing a small kiss on his cheek, before beginning to walk towards the door, and calum grabs her wrist lightly to stop her. “wait, you’re going?”

“yeah, what else would i do?”

calum’s so scared to ask this question, and he doesn’t know what answer to expect from her. but if he lets her walk out that door, he’s not sure if he’ll ever get the chance to ask her again.

“where does this leave us?”

“i don’t.. i don’t know,” she replies, as calum grabs her waist. “where do you want it to be?”

“i want it to be you and i.” he confesses. “what about you?”

“i’ve always wanted it to be you and i.” smiles creep up on both their faces, and y/n lets out a sigh. “but, things have changed and, and, i can’t just pretend like the past didn’t happen..” she trails off, a frown forming on her face.

she can leave again. she can leave, and he won’t be upset. but, calum has a chance at making everything right. with his friends, and with her. and quite frankly, y/n knows in her heart, she doesn’t want to leave either.

“sleep on it. stay the night with me. in the morning, if you don’t feel right about this, you can leave and i’ll forever be thankful we had this talk. if we hadn’t, who knows how’d i continue to act. and if you feel even the slightest bit right about this, i promise, i will never let myself hurt you again.”

as y/n looks into calum’s brown eyes, she sees a glimpse of hope lingering in them. and for once, she feels the hope between the two of them as well. relationships are bound to go through rough patches, and it’s safe to say that the two of them didn’t handle them in the best way. she knows calum. and when calum hood is determined to fix something, anything, he’ll do everything in his power to fix it.

so she grabs his hand and the two of them make their way upstairs, climbing into bed and falling asleep almost instantly.

and when calum wakes up to the girl he loves playing with his hair and kissing his forehead, he smiles, and makes another promise to himself: to never let her think she’s anything less than a stupid party.

[a-gilded-imprisonment]

((any tips for starting an rp blog?))

(Mod Minie's rp tips and tricks!

I have quite a few tips, but of course, they don't work the same for everyone. Feel free to use only what you think is necessary!

~ First of all, most definitely do make guidelines. Make the rules clear for people who will be doing rp with you, and respect their boundaries in return. It's most definitely okay to tell others you will not be discussing nsfw topics even if you are not a minor. I've just found that having rules is a nice way to set your boundaries and to avoid incidents easily. I have a rulelist in my intro post, and if you'd like to borrow it or interpret it into your own words or adapt it to fit your needs, then by all means!

~ If your rp blog is a sideblog, send your asks on anon, naturally. But no matter what kind of asks you send, it can be useful to tag your url as a signoff so that when the other person answers your ask, you get a notif from the tag.

~ One of the most "obvious" tips is to have different symbols or font styles for different parts of your rp. Every system is different, and none are expected to be alike. For example, many people use brackets ( ) for when they are speaking out of character, and quotation marks " " for when characters speak. I like to use italics and asterisks * * for my muses' actions, but there are many other ways to do so. Don't be afraid to be creative, as long as the difference is clear to identify.

~ Another tip is to slowly make yourself comfortable in the rp community you're in. Don't be afraid to talk to other moderators because most of them are really great people! This is also a skill that will come in handy later if you need to discuss the conditions for a rp thread or about doing rp for a certain ship together.

~ This is not necessary at all, but I highly recommend making tags. Whether it's to separate your asks from your reblogs, to sort interactions with certain other characters, or to identify your anons, tags are super useful for being able to organize your threads. As some people might not want to see the rp threads that get very long on their dash and instead want to see asks, that way other people can benefit from your tag system too by either following tags or blacklisting as they need. Also-- as a person who like showing some of my rp to other people, the tags are handy for me, too.

~ If possible, find a mod with a masterlist for your rp community. In my case, @/dr-ratio-official holds the HSR masterlist :) It can make it easier for people in your community to find you and to interact!

Mod Minie's rp advice!

These next ones are not tips, necessarily, but I find them incredibly important to know, especially if you're a beginner.

~ There is no rush. Rp doesn't have a time limit, and most other mods will be thankful they get a response from you at all and do not mind waiting from a few days to a month. Please do not let anybody pressure you into answering an ask or into replying to a thread when you do not have the energy. Rushed rp might not always be in character.

~ Don't worry about picking a character somebody else has roleplayed for! Picking a new character can be a handy choice to integrate into a community and to make yourself known, but you should only rp as muses you like! Don't worry if you share the same muse as other mods, just have fun!

~ Don't be afraid to have headcanons for your muse! You don't need to run around trying to prove it's true or get it approved officially. If your headcanons apply to your interpretation of your muse, so be it! If it bothers other people, that will be their choice to avoid interactions or not. In fact, I've often seen other mods agree with headcanons lsagdkagskf

~ Do not feel forced into discussing topics you do not want to discuss, whether in character or out. If you get an ask you'd feel uncomfortable answering, just delete it. It's easier and much less stressful.

~ Do not feel guilty about having favourites or about being someone's favourite, if your muse (or someone else's) has several mods who rp as them. Of course, certain people will have bias towards certain interpretations of characters. Some mods like doing more multi-paragraph rp, and will tend to interact more with certain mods who rp a muse versus other mods who rp the same muses. It's the same thing for more silly, less serious rp! It all depends what style you like, and I'm sure you'll find wonderful people who you enjoy doing rp with :)

~ Make sure your rp community (whomever you choose to interact with) is a safe and fun space for you and others! Do not be afraid to speak up if something makes you uncomfortable, and do not feel badly for cutting off interactions with a specific mod or anon if they do not respect your rules or begin to harass either you specifically or somebody else.

~ Lastly, just have a blast. That's what rp is for, bringing joy to yourself and others, as well as growing closer to your muse(s)!

I'm so glad you asked me for advice ahaha it makes me feel more experienced than I am! I hope this helps :) ~ Mod Minie)

[romanarose]

This is the ONLY thing I’ll say on the matter for now, unless things escalate.

Recently it was brought to my attention tumblr blog has decided to make it a mission to call me a pedofile for my Mr. Miller series, a series with a hyper fem but ADULT reader. She goes to bars and has an apartment. My bedroom is filled with stuffed animals galore just like reader.

If you are uncomfortable with age gaps and very feminine aesthetics or ddlg that’s okay. There’s plenty of fics I’ve read where I’m like okay, not into this, do not like. I move on.

Calling me a peado is wild

I am a victim of child sexual abuse as well as multiple sexual assaults in my teens and would never ever wish that on somebody, but that should go without saying

I deleted the header (although I know it’s still viewable in reblogs) people were saying the shoes look like children’s feet. I don’t think you can tell because there’s nothing to scale it with. When I take pictures off pintrest, I specifically look at the description and don’t use clothing labeled as children or teens. However, croquette is a common aesthetic for adult women and nothing in the picture description I found said children.

I won’t be publicly naming the account(s) repeatedly posting about me but if you know who this is, please don’t harass them, just report the post. Thank you.

They are calling to mass report me tho so if I disappear, that’s why

[showfallmediamaintenance]

[Transcript begin]

[Edgar is heard pacing in a clearing, his footsteps falling on grass.]

Should I tell someone? Who would I even tell, Katherine? She’d make me go right back to the hospital and I’d never leave. Marv has too much to worry about… Mari…? No, just met them. Fuck. Think, Edgar, think!

[The footsteps stop.]

[Hands still shaking, Edgar fumbles around in his pocket for a moment.]

I need a fucking smoke, I can’t handle this.

[He lights a cigarette, and takes a deep breath.]

Who… could I tell? There’s literally nobody I could who isn’t preoccupied with some other shit.

[Time between last audible word: 6 minutes.]

Maybe I could tell the archivist… they might not be able to do much, but it would be nice to tell somebody.

[Edgar takes his phone out of his pocket, and gasps, resulting in a few coughs.]

Shit. How long has this thing been recording? Ugh, this is going to get posted, isn’t it. I can’t fucking delete those ones.

Alright, anyone reading this, if you snitch, I will whack you in the head with my crowbar. Got it?

[A few buttons are pressed as Edgar struggles to end the recording.]

Okay. How do I–

[Transcript end]

[dylanobriengossip]

Dylan O'Brien's new problematic girlfriend Rachael Lange (2023) I Part 2

Part 1 I Part 3 I Part 4

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse…. more disturbing things came to light.

Taylor Swift, Harry Styles & Selena Gomez

Everyone knows Dylan is a Swiftie and also starred in Taylor's "All Too Well: The Short Film" and they have also been friends for a couple years now. Let's see what Rachael thinks of Taylor:

Interesting... because back in 2011 she claimed to be a Swiftie. 🙃 Rachael (2nd from the left) with friends at what seems to be a Taylor Swift concert. The caption of the pic that one of her friends shared (fb): "Taylor Swift! Never grow up…stay this little.."

Dylan is also a fan of Harry Styles.

And many years ago Dylan used to have a crush on Selena Gomez.

After Rachael got exposed:

She went private on Twitter and deleted over 400+ Tweets (which is already an insane number) but yet still hasn't managed to delete all problematic ones 🤦‍♀️

Blocked those who called her out on all her social media accounts

Deleted the Instagram post (she had during that time) where everyone commented and called her out

Restricted the comments on all her Instagram accounts so only the ones who follow her can comment now

She also censors the comments, only those comments that praise her and whatnot are accepted to show up in the comments

Untagged herself from all the posts she was tagged in where you can see her with Dylan at the Ami Paris Fashion Week Show

Rachael deleted this video after she got backlash for it

Deleted the TikTok video where she was called out but forgot to delete the comments on her other videos

Deactivated her TikTok account but made it public again recently

The Apology

January 23, 2023 After doing all these things to hide what she did/said in the past she posted this Apology on her Twitter (obviously it had to be shared there bc that's where it happened) but it was also good enough for her to share it in a 24h TikTok Story.

You probably ask yourself why are people still upset about it. She apologized and everything is okay now. No not really because she never shared it on her Instagram account where her most followers are and obviously people also called her out on there too and not just on Twitter and TikTok. And let's be honest after all those things she said more than just that apology should have been done. So if that doesn't speak volumes... And not to forget all those marginalized communities she offended and hurt by those words. Do you really think they will be like: "She was young and didn't know better.", "Now she apologized. Just let us brush it under the rug." Even if you're not someone from those communities just take some time to think about how you would feel if you were in their position. Doesn't feel great right? So don't expect them to just accept that apology and forget about what she said. It doesn't matter what age you are. There never was and never will be a time when it's okay to say any of those things. So many other people in that age know that this is wrong and never did. So please stop defending her. She was old enough to know saying these things is wrong but kept doing it anyway. Was that apology (if she even wrote that herself or got somebody else to do it for her) genuine or not? That's up to you to decide and if you accept that or not. Everyone thinks differently about this and has a different opinion.

But think about this. What does it tell you about a person who:

After being exposed was like: "Oh no. Wait let me quickly go private on Twitter to try to remove all of that so no one can hold that against me anymore." (Screenshots exist for a reason so that didn't make things better for you or made ppl forget that js).

Again never shared that apology on her Instagram, the place with her most followers

Waited until things cooled off and didn't post anything until like a month later and came back with a post to make promo for her brand (Seriously!?! You've got to be kidding me). 🤦‍♀️

You would think someone who said all those things would do more to prove to people that they changed especially after that big amount of disgusting things. But what is Rachael doing? She keeps ignoring the elephant in the room and went back to regularly posting as if nothing happened. And remember that part where she untagged herself from posts about her and Dylan? Well.... the more and more she felt safe and made people think she changed the more she made their relationship public on her Instagram. While (as always) keeps ignoring the fact that this is damaging her & her boyfriend's reputation/image even more thanks to all those things that came out about her. How? Read that here

And as if all of that hasn't been bad enough already. They also found these:

TikTok

Rachael posted this video on her TikTok account back in 2021.

"I’m grossly proud of my scrunchie and bag coordination #fyp"

Funny you say that Rachael because...

x, x, x, x, x, x

Source

Her old AskFM account

Ana (Logan Lerman’s girlfriend) you should keep an eye out on your new bestie Rachael. 👀

Her Family

Rachael with her parents Michael and Shirley and her brother Kyle Lange.

Her brother

"In 2014, a warrant was issued for the arrest of Kyle who was 21 at the time of Friendswood, for Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon. Kyle and his girlfriend were fighting in the driveway of Lange's residence in the 2000 block of Pebble Lane on August 12. The girlfriend called a friend to pick her up, but when the friend arrived, Lange allegedly threatened them both with a handgun. His bond was set at $80,000 for the Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon Charge, but no bond was set for the drug charges since Lange was serving two years of felony probation for Possession of Psilocybin." Source I x

Then there are these 2 Instagram Stories of him from 2023: x, x

Rachael and her mom

and then there's this more recent one of Rachael from a couple years ago.

[garbagefarm]

Garbage Farm (#42)

2023-03-17, Garbage Farm session #42 (I think), spanning from Summer 4 Year 4 to Summer 15 Year 4

Cast:

me (@mothmute )

E.B. (@salamand3rin)

Kimi (@2kimi2furious)

Highlights include, but are not limited to:

Alex is gonna start reading books and be a nerd now, to everybody’s horror

we’re out of wood!

Pierre called, says he has “the finest” seeds and produce

what produce is that, pierre??

Robin finished Pam and Penny’s new house!!

she spends some time rambling about the woodworking

we choose not to take credit, causing Pam to refer to their anonymous donors as “pure angels”

Robin evidently tells everybody anyway, ‘cause everybody seems to know.

“snitches get stitches, robin!”

Frucko isn’t visible in E.B.’s version of the cutscene, so she just sees me running around and doing a little hop

Should I buy shortcuts for $300,000? yolo

Harvey is nowhere to be found, it’s E.B.’s turn for garbage marital strife :(

We forgot to remind Kimi to make the fancy purple shorts

Haley sleeps through rock time when Kimi goes to use Emily’s sewing machine

Lewis is now afraid of and mad at Kimi

The ducks keep taunting us by going up to the edge of the pond ... and stopping.

Shane wants garbage money too, now, goddammit Robin

Speaking of Robin, she’s now hitting a cliffside with her hammer in the middle of the night

BIG WINE MONEY

Kimi likes jumpscaring Lewis

Marnie just giggles about it

I get caught with iron crumbs all over my face.........

(There was a train but I missed it)

Robin mailed me some wood, I guess she realized we direly needed more (we always need more wood)

New cows, Jumbus and Zartino

Kimi says Stardew’s random animal names are “so cursed”

I begin breaking down the keg-shed, but hitting each keg is taking forever

hey, what if I just set off a bomb to break them? I’m so smart :)

OH NO IT DELETED THEM I AM NOT SMART THIS IS A DISASTER

lmao RIP me, laughing about it is the only way to keep from crying

Emily mailed me a sea urchin!!

We were talking before the session about somebody marrying Emily just to get her very special hat, only to give it to a sea urchin — this is approval!!

Worst part of making new kegs is gonna be getting enough oak resin, so I plant a buttload of oak up by the train station

ugh I’m gonna have to make extra tappers...

(it’s my fuckup, I can take responsibility for it)

A rare crow is spotted on garbage farm, eating the fiber field.

I start buying my way out of my mistakes (specifically: iron, copper, some wood, some stone, some extra coal)

Kimi borrows Frucko

Alex and Harvey both want to know what their spouses are gonna put in the soup. I guess they haven’t been initiated into that level of the Garbage Mysteries

Starting another pond, I get a special line about how Robin’ll start the day after tomorrow, since she always takes festivals off. I don’t think I’ve seen that before, it’s a nice touch!

okay, I made a bunch of extra tappers

Luau day!!

The melons are ready, but we can leave those for the day after

Everybody is at the luau except for Pizza :(

Every year, the Governor says this is the best soup he’s ever had—

is our soup getting better every year? is the governor a liar??

“maybe he’s forgetful” shhhh my theories are more fun

“maybe he goes around complimenting towns’ soups”

“maybe it’s a new governor every year, they replace the old one with a clone”

The Bloobening!

(ask not for whom the berry bloobs; it bloobs for thee)

Witchcraft?? In Garbage Farm???

(it’s just a void egg, we’ve got void eggs at home)

more cows, Bollello and Matchu

This is not good weather for sports!

Kimi visits the desert for fashion!

(dweeb fashion, she gets suspenders)

“we got oak resin?”

... actually, no!

Kimi stays up crafting in the shed and dies.

Marlon says he found her face-down in the mud ... in our shed.

???

E.B. tries to pick up some batteries near the desert obelisk and gets sent to the desert, good thing there’s a bus

“who’s watering the fiber? you don’t need to”

I think it’s Elliott, actually!

starting to tap the new oak

I suggest a garbage derby someday

KEG TUNNEL is starting to come online......!

TO-DO:

fix my mistake ;_;

more kegs, also more preserves jars

Finish Kimi’s Hoe

if it isn’t finished already

Even more ponds??

We’re gonna need so many sea urchins

still need a big melon......

I mean I guess worst case scenario we leave the cauliflower up and try again next summer, right?

still need to venture deeper into skulls............

still need a prismatic shard for the museum???

[julie-su]

just wanted to say as someone who experiences a lot of shame around their interests and tries to hide them from others, i really admire how unabashedly and eagerly you talk about things you love and im hoping to grow to be more like you in that regard <3 hope you have a good day!!

Wogh, thank you! I've been circling this ask for a few days, really thinking about it, because it's really kind, and sweet! But it also makes me feel remourse that you cannot express yourself freely with the things that you like... I wish I had some form of advice, or internal motto. Stay strong, and stay passionate, and don't ever let anybody get to you for being yourself, okay?

I think that the truth is, deep down, some people won't like you, no matter how you present yourself - even if you are the kindest person in the world, people will find something superfluos to point out. You just have to come to terms with that. Some things, like being a sonic fan, or a furry, will have these people get bold enough to start calling you names, call you cringe, try to make you feel embarrassed - what you will say to yourself is, "It doesn't matter". It doesn't matter!

I always think to myself - "I'm not hurting anybody, I'm having fun, you're the one being weird" and I move on. In real life - it's either a friend who should know better and I will tell them just how weird and ridiculous they sound, and how they care too much about what other people think... Or it's not a friend, I'll just go "Uh... Alright, weirdo" and ignore them. And on the internet... Oh boy, I get so many random people all of the time calling me a freak or cringe or lame XD I just delete them, and i again think "What a weirdo. Oh well" - because they ARE weirdos!

I was bullied a lot in school for being weird, but I think it was then that I realised that these people will find me weird no matter what I like.. So I just got weirder. I'm different by nature, there was nothing I could do to not be a freak in their eyes.. So I guess I thought 'screw you, I'm bringing my little ponies to school, I'm drawing my Sonic OC's, I'll have this doll in my pocket' - it made me happy. And it made me friends in the end with the other outcasts :P That's another thing.. I think you will always find respite with the weirdos of the world. The goal is to become somebody's safe haven <3

[covenlegacy]

I'm sorry that i make coven blog some exchange of messages with others but i don't want to talk via messages with anyone, including coven because I had very bad experience with it plus everyone would attack me then. So that's why I use this method here sending anon replies. I agree with you too, anon. I guess that when my opinion wasn't loaded with negative emotions, especially about JK, more people would understand and reply this way before. But I'm only human with emotions that got the best of me. But just like you said. It's exactly this way. I treat coven as confidant who's in this topic and knows about this general obession over JK between fans so that's why it's a relief to spill the tea. But people act offended like it was about them. Maybe it is. But generally many Army's react this way. Idk maybe they don't fight back in rl and that's why they look for fights online. I already said it's some projection from their side. I also fought with others online when I had stesssful day but now i try not to do this. You're right. I've been fucking fighting for four years to not to think about JK. I used to think it's being in love but it's just attraction and fascination that is difficult to get rid of. Sounds like karmic lesson. So imagine how annoying it is when after seeing only one shit on Tumblr like gifset, he haunts my thought for hours. I actually felt happy when I saw him on vlive, especially with Bam so it's good but I'd like to not to think about it later. Like really, not think about him that often and randomly. Maybe avoiding everything related to him would be good but I get recommendations and he's really everywhere so I'd need to delete all of my social medias then. But I guess there would be some hot topic on Tumblr one day or elsewhere and I'd randomly saw him anyway. I guess it will pass but it just takes long. I'm sure it's some karmic lesson and i still need to learn something. I hope that I'll meet my spouse soon. I'm curious if he's my type. I'm a bit worried because my 7th house in vedic is ruled by Mars and astrologers say it symbolizes domineering, agressive, sporty, competetive spouse. If someone who knows astrology well, could tell me something more about this placement, I'd be grateful.

I get that you're very hurt. And it's okay to like a celebrity like JK. He represents alot of things at the same time. He is one of a very few number of people who backs up being this popular. Talent, looks and a lot of things in one. He is very easy to admire.

Anon, I know how bad it feels when people who are supposed to be your strength end up being the exact opposite and that's why I think people should calm down. At the end of a shitty day all you perhaps want is someone who shares a little bit of sympathy and not just be in an attack mode. So whenever you are deeply sad you vent out by saying stuff about him because you know that it won't affect him. By your posts I know that you know that you don't see him in your life and that's also proof that you are not delusional.

Don't mind me saying this but I think you feel good when all his fans attack you so that you have somebody to say things to. By this kind of fight you can say things that perhaps you won't in real life to the people you have real problems with.

Coven is cute that way. She gets the gossip for the blog and still she protects you because she knows what you feel and it's a win for you both.

Your crush and obsession is not really that. It's just that you don't like that people like him have the scope and opportunity to do things that their heart desires whereas someone like you has to fight for the smallest things.

I don't hate your messages and you don't have to apologize for this behavior because we all lose it sometimes but we are all not surrounded by people who won't judge us like that or admire us deeply for being soft and vulnerable.

.

[my-dearest-spoon]

well never mind that all of that was just creative writing and based on things that I imagine but I mean I think they're like happy imaginings and I feel like obviously my ex is not going to appreciate me finding happiness in something as simple as creative writing and of course he's trying to start a fight with me when I have not made it clear whether or not I'm actually seeing somebody because the funny thing is that I don't have any person I'm still single so I don't know what anyone thinks about that and it all seriousness I feel like I should delete the selfie that I sent my crush...

it kind of just makes me feel like I'm talking to actually it makes me feel like I'm talking to someone who's there when I really sit down and think about it and I don't think he's quite as scared as I am and I don't know why that is am I way more scared than he is? Does he realize that I'm extremely scared? He did ask me if I was scared but it was almost as if he asked it as a jest as a honestly I could see how my ex might feel bad about me and angry towards me for rejecting him in the end but I feel like he definitely is leaving out the part where he was abusive to me in a lot of ways like he's just a straight up a****** and I never did anything abusive to him as far as I'm aware I mean I'm the one who got sick like really sick like he has no idea how bad this has affected me and I'm definitely not going to tell him that or say anything about that to him or respond directly to anything that he says it's all kind of ridiculous like I just I feel like once again people are taking my journal way too seriously and and that's okay I like to have my writings be read and taken seriously by crazy people at least somebody's f****** reading them and I think that what I'm doing is more beneficial and positive to the majority of people who read it like I think the dinosaur guy like I think he's seriously thought that was interesting like how I talked about devouring each other's souls and then regurgitating them as stardust to form into a hologram I think that very creative and insightful interpretation of the dating process ed I really that no one ever talks to me again except for my crush I just I don't know if I should try talking to someone else again...