#some of you just take advantage of them to an unhealthy degree and both sides make jokes over it

[padawansuggest]

Like the whole 'living at home in your 20s means you don't gotta do anything' trend needs to die. Sometimes I go into dads room with the ENTIRE PURPOSE of asking dad if I can make him something for dinner lol. Some of you just have zero want to take care of family. Couldn't be me, im making him a grilled cheese just cause he asked if and said he doesn't feel well lol

[getsusun]

The tea is cold, but your soul is warm

Timeline: uhhh... eight hundred and ten-ish years before main bleach plot? Ukitake and Keoraku are still in Academy, Naumi is still alive and has Getsu as his zanpakuto. But the latter finds this to be less and less of a good things.

Juushiro was having one of his ill-a-little-more-than-usual weeks. Since childhood theses were happening occasionally, more and more rarely as he was growing up, but they never fully stopped. At least this time the doctor’s did not put him into infirmary, Juushiro silently tried to reassure himself. Just banned him from lessons and training, restricted his access to library, and, in general, strictly recommended him not to leave his room. Well. Not leave his bed, actually, but it was the line where Juushiro stopped listening even to the best-meaning healers. If he was awake, he was not laying in the bed. Point made, point held.

While spending all day long in his room was not Juushiro’s favorite pastime, it did have its advantages. Such as – there were no sounds from the window, but Sogyo no Kotowari perked up inside Juushiro’s mind, and this was enough of a hint – friends coming for a tea.

- You know, there is a door right here. Not going to restrict you from using alternatives, though – brings variety into the life.

This greeting had long become usual, but this time one of the strangest Juushiro’s friends does not answer even with a faint smirk. Just slowly blinks and limps to kotatsu. Juushiro busies himself with pouring another cup of tea, but his mind is uneasy. Kuro – despite reaching some degree of trust, Juushiro still didn’t know real name of his friend – usually shows next to nothing in terms of being physically unwell. Juushiro knows that Kuro’s life is not easy. There are a lot of scars scattered over usually pale gray skin, even if lately most of them are covered with black clothes, much more closed now than when Juushiro first saw Kuro.

It is painful to think that Juushiro noticed new injuries in more of meetings with Kuro than Juushiro would liked too. Barely focused eyes, not ice blue anymore, but dim yellow now. A new habit of taking things with both hands or using right one, while Juushiro is sure that Kuro is left-handed. Prominent limping. A nasty burn on the left side of his face, almost healed now, but still visible.

And now Kuro was sitting in front of Juushiro, not drinking – and may be not really seeing – the tea, with perfectly straightened back and unhealthy blush on all visible skin. Well. Juushiro thinks that it is blush, because Kuro’s skin is not exactly human-colored, sometimes reflecting light like a metal would. But Kuro definitely looks very not okay in Juushiro’s opinion.

- Kuro? Kuro, is everything alright?

No effect. Juushiro was not heard, and, if slow shifting of eyelids over the amber irises was any hint, Kuro was as good as half-asleep. Now that was strange. Juushiro raised his hand, slowly and making sure that it was in Kuro’s field of view – they already had a couple of mishaps with unexpected touches – and put his palm to Kuro’s forehead.

So, good news – Juushiro’s guess was right. Bad news – Kuro was burning with fever. Just news – after a couple of moments Kuro briefly shivered and looked at Juushiro with at least some awareness in now a little too bright eyes. Were they glowing a little? The room was full of light, so Juushiro could not be sure.

- Are you with me?

Jushiro forced the worry out of his voice to not startle Kuro. It was a little like taming a feral cat or dog, with addition that stray animals usually did not care about your well-being. Well. Kuro was not a stray, technically. Juushiro had read a lot – really, almost everything that was available to him in Academy’s library, in Ukitake’s Clan library, everywhere where Juushiro could without attracting too much of attention. So Juushiro was sure that Kuro was not just any strange spirit, or yokai. Juushiro was sure that Kuro was someone’s zanpakuto spirit, and that this someone had a very specific course of action for (or instead) bonding with his sword by usual means.

- Don’t want to dive.

Well, that was not disconcerting and disturbing at all. Juushiro wanted to remove his hand from Kuro’s forehead, but Kuro shifted to preserve the point of contact, and Juushiro stilled. It. It would have been probably a good thing usually, because sometimes Kuro really looked simultaneously touch-starved and touch-aversed, and there was not a big progress in this area during the time Ukitake knew him.

- There is not a lot of water around. Not enough for diving, I am sure.

Juushiro waited, while Kuro slightly frowned and roamed the room with his eyes. The spirit looked lost, and distressed, and Juushiro did not liked it one bit. Finally, it seemed like Kuro focused on Juushiro again, this time with more awareness.

- Where… Am I?

Kuro shuddered and grabbed the edge of the table, but stayed upright. His breathing, previously slow and steady, was now labored and shallow. He was also blinking fast, and Juushiro could feel the faint touches of reitsu sprawling across the room.

- You are in my room, in Shinigami Academy. Can you say who I am, please?

Juushiro felt the flows of Kuro’s reitsu shifting and carefully probing his own. It was strange feeling of a good kind, not like when another students or shinigami scanned the areas for hollows. Much more soft and careful.

- Juushiro. - Kuro frowned again. - I thought… A lake?

Juushiro slowly moved his free hand to gently put it on top of Kuro’s, since as far touch seemed to ground him. Kuro’s hands were also disturbingly warm to touch, and if Juushiro was dealing with another student he would have assumed an illness, but could zanpakuto spirits even get ill? Wounded, sure, but ill?

- What lake?

- Cold. Deep. Needed to dive... But… Not cold now. Hot. - Kuro shuddered again, and this time Juushiro noticed painful wince briefly crossing his face. The alarming realization crossed Juushiro’s mind, placing the separate pieces of current events into right combination.

- Kuro? Did you get any major wounds wounds recently? Because if you did, I think you may have an infection. That’s why you feel hot.

It was astonishing how Kuro’s face was at the same time almost emotionless for inattentive glance and giving away for a experienced attention. Well, actually Juushiro felt like during the time he had known Kuro the zanpakuto had became much better in hiding his emotions. He would have been hard to understand if Juushiro didn’t witness all the intermediate stages. Juushiro was not sure if this was a good thing, confirming Kuro’s adaptation to being an independent person (which, to be honest, still sometimes baffled Juushiro a lot from the point on how in the world someone’s zanpakuto spirit would start to move in this direction) or a bad thing, a result of accumulating negative experiences with being too easy to read.

Now Kuro was clearly contemplating Juushiro’s words, and, judging by the slight curl of bony shoulders, Juushiro had hit the right answer. Well. Good thing that Juushiro has a plenty of first-aid supplies in his room, courtesy of Academy Infirmary and overprotection tendencies of Shunsui. The tricky part is actually to convince Kuro to use them, or, which is even harder, to let Juushiro help him. Rarely much luck with the last one, but also Kuro was in better state even when he appeared with one hand certainly badly broken.

- Can I help? Please, Kuro. I don’t like seeing you hurt.

Juushiro moved to stand, and this time Kuro stilled and retracted his reitsu.

- ...I can go away.

Not the conclusion Juushiro hoped for, but the one he anticipated.

- And then I will be panicking over you fainting somewhere in the middle of the woods. And doctors forbid me from worrying, so please, let me at least see.

And Juushiro feels very, very proud of himself when Kuro, after a minute more of silent pondering, slowly stands and starts to unbutton his cloak. And also really, really worried despite his previous statement, because Kuro’s movements are painfully slow and careful. And also zanpakuto spirit is still shuddering a little, which is much more prominent when he is standing.

Before removing the cloak Kuro hesitates, and Juushiro averts his eyes to manage some privacy. He did not actually seen Kuro without clothes before. Just caught a glimpses here and there, when there were yet no black fabric hiding wiry arms and thin neck. Juushiro is actually a little afraid of what he can see. It is one thing to abstractly know that some shinigami mistreats their zanpakuto to the degree of scars remaining. The other for this zanpakuto to be your reluctant friend. The third – to not be able to do a thing to stop all this nightmare.

The quiet rustle of fabric stops, and after a half of a minute Juushiro asks, trying to keep his voice calm and warm.

- Can I look?

At least a minute more passes before there is a quiet “yes”. Juushiro rises his eyes, and. And just looks, feeling the horror pooling in his chest.

It is easy to forget with all these loose clothing and the head held high that Kuro is physically not exactly a child, but an older teenager at max. Juushiro remembers it fully now, while looking at the narrow shoulders with prominent – from the back – ribs with the line of spine between them. Every reminder that this is zanpakuto spirit, being created for fight and to fight, the manifestation of the sword – the weapon – itself is buried deep into Juushiro’s mind under the terror of realization that what he is seeing is not a dream or an illusion.

These deep and thick lines, carved into pale gray skin, straight and smooth-edged, are real. This inflamed redness, taking almost all place from the bottom of the neck to the belt and hiding its ends under it – it is real.

Juushiro can’t quiet remember how he ended up standing behind Kuro, on the arm distance. Kuro is burning, radiating heat so strong that Juushiro is not sure if it is safe to touch him. He does not dare for now, anyway. Not while Kuro is as tensed as overtightened spring, ready to explode into action, into running and hiding and probably never returning.

So Juushiro starts speaking, about the last prank Shunsui made, which included two geese wandering over the main Academy building. The description of every teacher’s reaction that was witnessed by Shunsui or one of his friends and later colorfully described to Juushiro shifts to last topics on all subjects Juushiro attends, excluding zanjutsu, and improvised distraction actually works, because Kuro stands still, but not so tense anymore, and Juushiro slowly cleans his back from dry blood.

There is a lot, but not as much as Juushiro expected, so Kuro probably treated his wounds at least somehow, even if Juushiro suspects that this somehow included more cold and probably not very clean water and less healing salve than preferable. And also it must be pretty hard to do anything about wounds on your own back.

Juushiro makes a significant dent in his stocks of healing salve and clean bandages, and for once his chronic illness is good for something, even if Juushiro finds little to none logic in medics persistence on him having half the contents of infirmary in his room. It is not like bandages help with not coughing away his lungs.

At the end Juushiro is a little winded out, but Kuro’s back looks much better, and there is almost no blood bleeding through bandages for now, which should counts for something. It was hard to keep speaking about non-important matters while Juushiro would have liked to question dotted line on Kuro’s neck, colored with fading pink of healing skin, or how zanpakuto was keeping his arms in front of him, not letting Juushiro to take a look at the mess of scars around the left elbow or at the badly bandaged wrists. But, well. Juushiro has some experience with taming feral cats, and grabbing them, even to help, usually leads to many scratches and no cat at all.

But even with bandaged back Kuro is still too hot on touch, so after waiting while zanpakuto envelops himself back into all black Juushiro pointedly shifts the second cup of tea towards him. The tea has long gone cold, so Juushiro mostly admires the dance of tea leaves in his cup, but Kuro drinks, and it is another small win for Juushiro.

- You didn’t got these in a fight, am I right?

Juushiro speaks without thinking and fails to stop the words when they are already half-out. Fortunately, Kuro stays put, even if a little more silent then before. Which, considering that zanpakuto had not said a word in the last five minutes, is an uneasy achievement.

- ...Thank you.

Kuro is not looking at Juushiro, but his long fingers around the teacup are still and as lax as Juushiro has ever saw zanpakuto, so Juushiro manages to hold back the next sentence willing to burst out. It is strange to want to say zanpakuto spirit that his own wielder does not care about him. Strange, and Juushiro would have thought impossible before, but he would also thought impossible for shiningami to hurt their own sword, the part of their soul.

Unfortunately, Kuro seems to be a unique case in all meanings. From freely walking the Soul Society to bearing the scars of not protecting his master, but being wounded by him.

[animeyanderelover]

You know what sounds like a interesting dynamic A-chan? Sasuke with a darling who's Orochimaru's Daughter (or more like favored/talented experimental clon baby of some sort XD). It may or may not also involve a platonic/parental!yandere Orochi. I am just really interested in what do you think such dynamic would be like and how it would go down.

That’s...that’s a great idea🤩!!

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, possessiveness, violence, manipulation

Sasuke’s darling is parental!Orochimaru’s favorite

🐍💙To go up in the ranks that far to make Orochimaru consider you as someone he favors you’ll have to possess either a kekkai genkai or a special jutsu that hardly anyone else can master. In short, you’ll have to be powerful and need to come willingly to him or else it’ll turn out less pleasant.

🐍💙If also possible you should hold some knowledge and also interest in experimenting with many things, maybe even humans because then your usefulness for him would only raise and you’ll be most likely made an assistant for him, similar to Kabuto and he’ll ask you from time to time if you can sort these papers out for him or can help Kabuto or even himself with a potion.

🐍💙The more useful you prove yourself to be, the more “attached” Orochimaru would become to you. And at one point you’ll reach the time where Orochimaru will have made up his mind that losing you would be “quite the problem” because you’ll be “so hard to replace”. Take this as a sign that he likes you and would be highly upset with himself if you should ever die.

🐍💙His behavior that he cares for you more than he did ever for anyone else in his life isn’t very noticeable at first due to him just being a bit too twisted to realize that he cares, in a somewhat twisted way, for you. But if you look closely you’ll eventually pick up the signs. Orochimaru isn’t someone who would stop you from going on dangerous missions. He has trust in your abilities, but it isn’t everyday that he tells someone to be careful, even if his way of telling so is a bit strange. But he’s not very experienced in being nice. That’ll be by the way the biggest way of you noticing that he cares. He’s, in his own way, “nice” to you. He viewed you as a special collection.

🐍💙The moment Sasuke joined this picture Orochimaru needed to introduce the two of you at some point to each other. It was in some sense thrilling for him to introduce you to Sasuke and the other way around because the both of you were for him prized collections.

🐍💙Sasuke needs time to fall for someone in the first place so at the beginning he was just his usual mean self around you, impolite and snarky. Not like you didn’t possess some amount of pride in you, as well as your way of provoking others the same way Orochimaru did, spending so much time with him did teach you something after all. So at the beginning you probably ticked Sasuke a lot off.

🐍💙What brought the both of you closer together was the fact that Orochimaru suggested that the both of you trained together a bit. Sasuke is an Uchiha and most Uchiha are in general faster attracted to power. It’s the fastest way to catch their attention. I can see Sasuke a bit annoyed by the fact that you were strong in the beginning if we go with the assumption that you are on the teasingly and cruel side of joking and provoking someone.

🐍💙But at some point it’ll form into acknowledgment because Sasuke likes a challenge after all. If you’re strong you’ll spark his curiosity at some point, but I believe the thing that’ll fascinate him the most at the end of the day is the fact that, even though more subtle, he can see that Orochimaru likes you. That’ll cause him to quirk an eyebrow at first because he didn’t expect Orochimaru to care for someone. And not because of selfish reasons. He’ll notice the way Orochimaru talks high about you when around him, calling you a “special case”, “important” and “a rare possession”. He’ll also notice the way Kabuto acts very politely around you even though from positions the both are equals. The biggest sign for him that Orochimaru cares for you as someone important for him is that you’re a.) the only person who seems to have a lot freedom, including acting more reckless with Orochimaru himself and him not seeming to mind that much as long as you don’t go overboard, and b.) that Orochimaru expects that people treat you with some respect as well.

🐍💙Even Sasuke won’t be save from Orochimaru’s “overprotectiveness” from time to time. He knows that you can handle a lot, but there are those days where Sasuke just needs to let off some steam and will be very harsh in training, causing more damage to you than normally. And whilst Orochimaru will never be open about it, Sasuke will still be able to hear the subtle threat in his voice when he advices him to get a better grip when training with you. It would be a shame if he would lose someone as valuable as you.

🐍💙Given the fact that his darling is around Sasuke’s age the both of them will end up spending sooner or later a lot of free time together that will be spend with other things besides training. Especially for the darling this will be nice since I don’t want honk they met other people their age who lasted long enough. So Sasuke would be somewhat like their first real friend since joining Orochimaru.

🐍💙Sasuke needs time to form an obsession and at first he most likely only saw the darling as a worthy opponent and companion. I think he would like someone who accepts the fact that he isn’t the most talkative and can just spend time in silence with him and also accepts it when he needs his time alone.

🐍💙Sasuke isn’t someone who has never given the thought of him falling in love too much time. He was focused his whole life on getting stronger and his revenge. So it would take him by surprise when discovering his feelings. He has some pride, but I can see, given the circumstances, that he won’t try to deny his emotions that strongly like he would in a different situation. He knows his s/o and trusts them already very highly since the both of them spend very much time together. Since being a fan of power he has also a easier time viewing them as a worthy partner.

🐍💙And just like Sasuke caught onto Orochimaru’s caring behavior, Orochimaru will also notice quickly Sasuke’s way of acting around the darling. He’s in general someone who’s a keen observer when it comes to his “two precious gems”. The biggest sign was that Sasuke often snapped at Kabuto since that guy worked closely together with the s/o when it came to the topic experimenting. Another thing that didn’t go unnoticed was that Sasuke acted suddenly a lot more friendly around them in comparison to the first time. It was harder to notice, but it was there.

🐍💙Sasuke wouldn’t really know what to feel. Not because he fell for the darling, but more because he doesn’t know what to think about the relationship between them and Orochimaru. Orochimaru would feel similar. He never really cared that much for others and I can see him to some degree even fascinated and amused by the fact that Sasuke likes the darling. But there are also some unsure thoughts inside of him. He cares for the s/o, his worries would show themselves in thoughts of asking himself whether this will have a negative effect on their development or if it’ll cause their priorities to shift somewhere else. And maybe he’s the tiniest bit of a “shotgun” parental Yandere, meaning he doesn’t really like the thought of his darling being in a relationship with someone.

🐍💙As weird as it may sound, this situation would be the perfect one for the darling if Sasuke is Yandere for them. Because I can see both of them becoming a semi-normal couple in such a situation. Because Sasuke has in this situation not the most upper hand. The darling is strong, savage and also under Orochimaru’s watch so no too serious harm that could endanger their life comes near them. Not only that, but since they’re always with Orochimaru, there’s no need for Sasuke to kidnap them and he built during his time with Orochimaru a strong relationship with them. So instead of confessing to his darling by kidnapping them he’ll actually, after jumping over his arrogance, confess in a normal way as good as he’s able too. And there’s a good chance that his darling will accept that. If not then there isn’t too much that Sasuke can do. They’re strong and have Orochimaru watching over them.

🐍💙No way that they can hide this from Orochimaru. Here again, mixed feelings about this. Orochimaru isn’t necessarily against this, but he also isn’t a real supporter of this. He won’t do anything for now, choosing to see how this develops. If it does influence the darling’s or Sasuke’s development in a negative way no question that he would step in. But if it doesn’t? He might be the tiniest bit unhappy with it, but if it helps the both of them becoming stronger he’ll accept it. There will be moments where his more “parental” side slip through, but he’ll give the both of them their peace.

🐍💙Overall the best situation you could ask for. You live under psychos and see nasty shit, sure. But in here a, for the most part, normal relationship with Sasuke will establish due to the faith he has in You and you most likely also in him. He has his mood swings, of course, but you know in such a scenario when to step back and what to do. That’s a huge advantage because like this the chances that he’ll snap at you are lower as if he kidnapped you and you would need to face this blindly. But due to the time spent before with him you know how to act accordingly. Sasuke himself will be much more pleasant to be with and sees you as a worthy partner. He might even be a bit more open with his feelings due to feeling so comfortable around you. Overall, a win-win situation for the both of you. And Orochimaru because the both of you will for sure spur the other on in terms of getting stronger. And let me just emphasize this, if the both of you fight together then there’s no chance that Sasuke will let anyone hurt you too badly. He knows firsthand that you’re strong, but if someone should manage to do this then they should be prepared to witness what happens if Sasuke loses his temper and starts seeing red.

[whyrubuyingclothesatthesoupstore]

Keiji and Shin. What's so fascinating about their relationship.

kay so. keisou.

*explodes*

I have so many thoughts about them that I cannot possibly conjure up all of them on command, I definitely missed something sorry

In canon they are. They are foils they are rivals they are two sides of the same coin they are everything to me. They're invested in ruining each other's day to an unhealthy degree ("I don't think I've ever hated someone so much" *literally anything Shin said to Keiji*) and despise each other even though it's established pretty early on that they're really similar. But throughout the game we get small glimpses of what they could've been like as allies (Shin briefly mentioning Keiji was in the secret room with him in 1-2, implying that Shin showed it to him first; "Just my detective intuition""Pretty persuasive"; these lines specifically I cannot get over cause like. they seem so uncharacteristically friendly) and I think it's safe to say that if literally anything about their situation was different they could've ended up getting along. There's also definitely a lot of hidden regret when it comes to the ways they've hurt one another, even if it might just be because they regret being the way they are in general and not necessarily out of personal attachment (but I think it is both. and that is what matters)

My ideal dynamic for them would be some kind of post-logic scenario where a year or two after the death game they're not only both alive but also still in each other's lives. I feel like I should end it here because this is enough of an unrealistic fantasy already but I'm adding more. I wanna see them attempting to navigate a situation where they don't have to view each other as potential threats and be prepared to attempt a murder any second, and it would also be interesting to see how they'd interact when the guilt of everything and the disdain they have for each other isn't as overwhelming but still very present. tired conversations in the middle of the night about whether they deserve happiness and if it even matters anymore, playing video games together, trying to mix coffee with an energy drink, you know the usual. also I wanna see Keiji having a "'I can fix him' says man who is worse" mentality towards Shin, he seems like the kind of guy that gives out life advice and doesn't follow it. I also like the potential of Shin having completely one-sided feelings for Keiji in the death game, because Shin tries to get Keiji's attention a lot more and shows way more enjoyment in getting reactions out of him than Keiji does, and it can be interpreted as Keiji just genuinely not caring about Shin at all.

I like the everything about tgem. But seriously I like the way they jump from enemies to allies every five seconds, from "It's your turn to die, Sou" to "We're your allies. Try trusting us.. Sou" to "I'll kill every one of you that killed Kanna" to "It's different now" to "He can't die like this! I need to-" and the many many ways they parallel and contrast each other, especially how they achieve what the other couldn't

For Keiji, Shin would be everything he dislikes about himself, an "adult with bad intentions" taking advantage of a kid to further his goals. But in a way, in 2-2 Shin ends up kind of outgrowing that and trying to sacrifice himself for that kid, so you could say he becomes everything Keiji wants to be, or doesn't think he deserves to be. For Shin it's the reverse, Keiji would be the ideal he strives towards and later comes to despise, a strong person not only willing, but capable of doing anything to survive. While Keiji would view Shin as a threat and a liability and logic Shin would see Keiji as a cold-blooded murderer, I think there would have also been some genuine attachment buried under 30 layers of guilt and spite, considering how many times they've ended up fighting on the same side and gotten close to at least somewhat reconciling before things inevitably went south and they ended up seeing each other's worst qualities.

Favorite canon interaction: I made a line-by-line analysis of the "It's different now" scene you don't need an answer to that question

Okay, as for the many many situations I'd like to put them in: I wanna see them come up with a plan together. I don't really care what it would be for, I just want to see them trying to work together. I wanna see them using the same tactics they've used against each other to achieve a common goal. I wanna see a team-up between the two people that were constantly trying to one-up each other in how much convoluted schemes they could pull off. If these two tried to scheme together the game would either end right then and there or drag on for another 20 hours and honestly either option is beautiful. also I think it would be fun to see how they'd negotiate a token trade in 2-1, and what kind of circumstances they'd have to be in to even consider trading with each other. I actually have a fic in the works about that one

[taecalikook]

(Not) Just Friends

summary : Befriending the fuckboy with devilishly handsome face and emotional capacity of a pea is not exactly your choice, especially when you met him when you were in fifth grade, attracted for the unhealthy vermillion shaded face of the nerd he was that fateful day. So is Jungkook, as he is already putting strictly platonic label on your forehead and calls it a day. But it is only a matter of time before everything changes, and it only takes a frat party, lots of booze and... a certain Kim Seokjin.

{friends to lovers! au, fuckboy! au, fratboy! au}

pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (side kim seokjin)

genre : major fluff, a sprinkle of angst and borderline crack

word count : 24.612 (one-shot)

==============

“Hi, pumpkin! Is that for me?”

You were just sipping on your morning espresso, sitting in your favorite coffee shop while reading your favorite book of all time when the familiar annoying voice of your childhood best friend rang in your ear. You look up, finding the hateful smirk on his lips that you desperately want to strangle off of him, more for interrupting your sacred solitude morning routine—well not really solitude since you did promise him breakfast before class today. But as per usual, he just had to steal the glass you had in your grasps, sipping on the tasteful liquid while scrunching his eyebrows on your choice of reads.

“Isn’t it too early for The Great Gatsby in such a wonderful morning?”

“Isn’t it getting too old for you to keep drinking my coffee?” You bite back in the same bratty manner he displays. Jungkook chuckles, resting the cup back with a slight grimace. Probably because the coffee is tad too bitter for a sweet-crazed tooth like him. “You don’t even like espresso. I don’t even know why you always want a taste of my coffee.”

“Nah, I just want to mess with you fam.” He smirks, the bitterness still leaving a mark on his taste buds. Serve him right, you roll your eyes and try to center your attention back to your book. This idiot really knows no boundaries when it comes to you, you swear to God.

You and Jungkook have been best friends since both of you were kids. As cliché as it sounds, you met Jungkook when he was a total nerd in fifth grade of elementary school. He perfectly embraces the nerd stereotype at that time, thick ass glasses, braces, carrying books and his neon green nintendo nearly everywhere. You were not really interested in befriending the nerd, but when he got shamed by the cool girls for giving them chocolates for Valentine's Day—an expensive chocolate, for anyone keeping notes—you quickly stepped in when it seemed like it went overboard. 

Jungkook was bullied in the middle of the school yard with everyone to witness, for giving the girl he likes a chocolate on fucking Valentine’s Day. You noticed how ashamed he was—lips quivering, heads hanging low and the most distinctive feature is his cheek and ears, literally turning to the shade of vermillion. You did not know whether it is healthy for a face to be that red—you were terrified he might pass out—but yet those girls were still keen on mocking his sincere acts and his shy expression, not showing a sign to stop anytime soon.

Your consciousness literally forced you to step in, jumping on between them and literally yell at those girls. You forcefully stole the chocolate from one of the girls' grasp, eating them on the spot and shouted in irritation, “Done! I ate everything, so stop bullying him. You girls should be ashamed of yourself, he did nothing wrong!”

The imbecile girls were embarrassed, because their show was immediately stopped by an unpopular girl they never saw before in front of the whole school to see. One girl who seemed to be like the leader of the lunatic gang suddenly moved forward and pushed you until you fell on your back, and you know that was it. You seriously had been waiting to use your taekwondo skills for a better cause, and at that time, you saw the chance and took it whole-heartedly. You were not even using your full strength on her—you mostly used your defense technique when she was giving multiple amateur punches. You really lost everything when she grabbed your hair and pulled it hard (like most amateur girls would fight). The pain on your scalp hurt from the vicious pull, so you mildly used the front kick technique on her to push her away yet she easily fell down like a limp noodle, scraping her body with a small amount of the blood trickling out.

After the fight ensued and was broken off by one of the teachers, you and the crying girl were taken to the headmaster’s office. You were going to be punished severely, but fortunately some witnesses came to your rescue, you and the girl received punishment of detention for one month straight. Somehow, the spoiled annoying girl got out of the punishment with her parents persuasion, yet not really the same for your strict parents. They were furious for you to be punished for a physical fight in school that they directly cut you from your twice-a-week taekwondo classes you loved so much—thinking that it must be a bad influence for you. Not only that, you were also grounded and was forbidden to go out of the house for a month. You were devastated, but you know there was no way to change their minds, so you just sucked it up and promised to do your punishment well.

Day one of your punishment, you were sitting inside the detention class, the teacher was zooming off on the table with a documentary of Helen Keller played on the television. You were doodling on the back of your book in boredom. Suddenly, amongst the silence, a hush was heard in front of you, whispering your name. You shifted your head, finding the same boy directly on the table in front of you.You must absolutely did not expect it to be him—the nerd you saved from raging selfishness of the slow-minded girls.

“Hi... I got into detention to accompany you...” 

You inspected the boys with scrunched eyebrows in confusion. He somehow was still with the vermillion shade of red coloring his supple cheeks, just like last week when you were defending him. Is he... sick? He better be not, cause if he were, you were going to regret not setting the girl straight a little bit harder. The adamant despise towards injustice firing inside you was ignited by the lesson you always received from your taekwondo class, how you always must use your strength for goodness. Yes, you indeed will be missing going to Taekwondo classes. 

Realizing your mind had been anywhere but here, you straightened in your seat and tilted your head in confusion at the guy. “Are you okay? You look so… red.”

The boy quickly hid his cheeks with his palm, eyes not meeting yours out of shyness. It looked like he wanted the world to swallow him firsthand. “I—I’m sorry! I just have this weird physical habit of turning super red whenever I'm shy or angry..” He whispered, nibbling on his lips while still avoiding your eyes. “I hope I don’t make you uncomfortable..”

“Nope.” You answered with a loud pop on the last ‘p’, sending the boy a warm smile. “It doesn’t bother me in any way. You should not be ashamed of that. That’s cute.”

Well if you thought his face was already red, you could not imagine how more red it could turn into after you called him cute. Out of panic, you swiftly handed him the cold drinks sitting on your desk. “H—hey! You are too red, it is not possible. Put this on your face!”

After a few seconds he spent pushing the cold bottle to his face, you could finally see him breath again. You were unable to hold a smile looking at the boy, huffing his breath repeatedly to calm himself. You did sincerely find him cute, so different from the boys from your school who somehow really got on your nerves from constantly bragging about nearly everything. Their expensive belongings, their parent’s house, their ability to play sports, and it sickened you. Well you didn't really know the boy in front of you, but it seemed like he wasn’t the type to. You were prepared to drop him the second a cocky symptoms were found though, even if internally you wish he wouldn’t. You spared so much of your effort to take on the guy’s side, such a waste to do that on another thick-headed prick.

“I just realize I don’t know your name.” You suddenly thought to yourself after multiple times addressing him as ‘the nerd’ or ‘this boy’. He was just giving your drinks back to your desk, and then he shyly put out his hands to you.

“Hi.. My name is Jungkook. I am ten years old, and I came from Busan. I have one brother and one dog. My hobby is playing games and taking a bath! Nice to meet you!”

You really were going to burst into laughter, but then you detect the teacher was already woken up and shooting looks at the both of you for causing such a loud commotion. You bit your lips, holding any sound from coming out fervently, your eyes trained on your desk so you would be able to hold them back. Inside, you were glad that you saved this boy the other day. This boy was too pure and kind for his own good, and you were happy that you stood for him.

Well, that was all too long in the past, you nearly had a hard time remembering it. Now Jungkook has changed, 180 degrees from that cute, shy, vermillion shade faced boy you met in elementary school. After an agonizing ten years has passed, he went from a total innocent sweetheart, such a cutie to the annoying ass of a fuckboy jock he is today. What a shame to witness the degradation, you thought to yourself. But you did know when and where it went wrong—he was just too tired of being taken too much of an advantage by despicable people around him. The friend he befriended, his chemistry lab partner in middle school, his classmates and especially the girl he dated in high school. He hated it—he hated everything that happened to him when he was trying to be the nice guy for everyone. 

So in the last year of high school—after the bad breakup with the said girlfriend—he changed everything, nearly everything until it's even hard for you to recognize him sometimes. He swore off dating and romances, he went twelve hours per week to the gym and the school’s football team, attended parties days and nights before fucking random girls, and did the bare minimum in his education due to the shift of focus. But still even by then (actually, even until today), one and only person he would always listen to was you. 

When he failed one of his subjects in the last term of high school—and seemed completely unbothered by it, you were furious at him and refused to communicate in any way to him until he got his priorities straight. He tried contacting you, but you rejected at the first beep. He waited for you in front of your class but you quickly shove him with hurtful words his way, “You stop being yourself, Jungkook. I don’t even know you anymore.” and you meant every word. You missed your best friend, you missed his innocence and availability for you, and frankly, you also had enough of hearing about how charming he was, or how good he was in bed, talked in hush by your obnoxious girls in your classes. 

Few days later, you were already resting in your house while reading a book and listening to the droplets of the heavy rain knocking down on your roof, until a hesitant knock was heard on the door. You shuffled to open the door to find, was expecting your brother coming home from college, but instead found Jungkook, drenched in front of your porch with the remedial sheet on his hand—written that he passed the said subject with flying colors. You were surprised that he even got the chance to fix his grade, but after telling you he needed to do a fifty page review of the economic systems around the world to even got the chance to remedial test, you did realize how much he put an effort to pass a subject he didn’t even like. Somehow, it resulted in more happiness on you than you thought it would be. You couldn’t deny you were already contemplating whether you were too harsh or nosy on him, or he would just drop you the second you push him away. You were on the edge, imagining that you would lose a best friend because of your annoying attitude and peskiness. But he came through.

After welcoming Jungkook to take a bath and wear your brother’s clothes, you offered him a glass of hot chocolate, his favorite drink. But you noticed that he was still pouting, so you questioned it. “I am thankful that you knocked some sense into me, but Y/N, don’t ever ignore me like that again…” Jungkook’s pout turned deeper, his knuckles pushing your forehead in annoyance. 

“You are the last person who I ever wanted to turn against me.” He whispered after seconds of silence of just staring at each other, eyes turning gleam that knocked some guilt inside your chest. You nodded silently, promising that you would not do that kind of antics again.

You remember that day like the back of your hand—after a long time, you see how vermillion-shaded his face has returned after telling you how thankful he was for your presence as his best friend during the past ten years, and your straight-up attitude that set him straight during his weak times. He cried that day, telling you how hard everything was for him. Behind those strong facade and muscle, you realized he was still the innocent, vulnerable nerd with a vermillion-shaded face you met ten years ago. You missed those innocence he finally displayed, and it brought you back to times when it was just you and him against the world. 

Even after that day Jungkook still continues all his fuckboy ways, and until now after both of you went to the same university. He is taking an industrial engineering major while you were doing your life-long dream of taking political science, both of your faculties are located near each other. Jungkook was still being the same Jungkook he was, he joined the football team and brother frat in college, filled with dumb rich jocks who held parties nearly twice a week. After getting few drinks in the party, he would fall into meaningless sex with the girl he just knew before. Not that you mind, you have been way too accustomed in having such a best friend and it doesn’t even bother you anymore.

But still, you were confused how Jungkook is able to maintain his life together—his studies, his jock practices and his fuckboy activities in parallel. You have no objection at all for his life choices—since he never leaves you out and schedules a breakfast or lunch minimal twice per week with you to update you on what he was doing with his life and likewise. Not even counting the times he would get you from your apartment if you have the same morning class like today. By what you hear from him, it really seems like he is holding up just well. Good for him.

“Hey, stop ignoring me, you ugly ass hoe!”

You wake up from your long flashbacks, since you notice that you have been zooming out for quite a while now. You clear your throat, sipping on the coffee that has turned cold, sending apologies for not paying attention to him. “Sorry. I was distracted. You were saying?”

Jungkook frowns, his eyes squinted on you, and you know what he was doing. He was trying to diagnose your silence. You roll your eyes at his nosy acts. “Stop looking at me like that! I said I was sorry, Jungkook. Now tell me what’s bothering you. This girl you fucked with before, did she still try to contact you again?”

“I wasn’t telling you about that!” Jungkook raises his voice, his face slightly reddening out of shyness for you mentioning his bad experience on one of his one night stands. Looking at him, you are reminded about the vermillion-faced Jungkook you met in elementary school. Oh how you miss those reddening supple cheeks of his. “I was telling you if you are going to Hoseok’s birthday party this weekend. It’s gonna be lit, I swear! He is holding it in his fancy ass house with a pool and whatever.” You snort, your eyes trailing back on your books even if you are not reading at all. You just want to ignore him, implicitly telling how silly his invitation was. Parties are never your forte, you feel mildly uncomfortable in such a short distance with tons of strangers. You’d rather reread this book you are holding for the nth time already, you swear.

“Y/N, you could even meet boys there, I know how saintly you have been living lately. Live a little, pumpkin! I swear you’ll enjoy it there.” Still you don’t budge on him.

“Kim Seokjin is gonna be there, though. You sure you won’t come?”

Listening to his name, your ears perk up, eyes slightly glancing up to him. Seokjin is one of Jungkook’s frat brothers, a final year who surely does not share the same ugly traits of the other brother. He is smart, ambitious in his study, and is also the head of the Taekwondo university club. Your deep interest in Taekwondo has driven you to see him in multiple universities and external competitions, and you cannot bear yourself but to swoon over him and his rightful acts. Even if you surely do not have the courage to directly introduce yourself to him, you have been thinking a lot about joining the club with pure—well not really pure motivation. You are also unable to emphasize more that he is really one of the kindest souls out there. He is known as very helpful to everyone, joining as a volunteer in various social and environmental movements. You also heard that he had a serious relationship for five years, in which they had to break up a year ago because the girl had to move to America to pursue her study and decide to break up with him. What a doofus.

You notice the cocky, winning triumph on Jungkook’s face realizing how affected you are by the name, but you’ll set aside your will to erase the annoying smirk off of his face just to get more information out of him. “Continue.”

“He is best friends with Hoseok. I know he is not really a party type—you probably know that better than I do—but this one's for his friend's birthday party. He’ll come.” Jungkook says, munching on the served american breakfast in front of him. “You can finally meet him, probably say hi and then bone him while you’re at it. You get me?” Jungkook wickedly smiles, eyebrows dancing on his temple and you roll your eyes in response. You have such an obnoxious dickhead as a friend, and whose fault is it? Yours, of course.

“I hate you so much, Jungkook. Do you know that?” You gave him a cynical smile, and he returned it with the same bland taste, biting on the last piece of bacon. 

“Can.. Can I bring Lia too?” You hesitantly asked, biting on your lips. Jungkook’s chewing movement is slowing, an uncomfortable silence ensues.

Lia is your apartment roommate, a cute girl with the same major as yours. Short height, big round eyes and straight hair are her noticeable features, and what troubles Jungkook for Lia’s presence in your discussions, is her uncanny resemblance to his high school ex girlfriend. Her similar name, her looks, her height, her choice of outfit and nearly everything, reminded him of the girl he has been trying to forget. You were surprised while meeting her too at first, but you did not realize how the resemblance would bother Jungkook that much. Well probably, Jungkook was still trying to forget about her—hell, this whole new persona of his was founded by his heartbreak towards the bitter-ended relationship.

You remember how head over heels was Jungkook towards his ex-girlfriend. Whenever he is around her, or just thinking about her when she was brought up in your discussions, Jungkook would again turn vermillion in shyness for his adoration of the girl. He would waste hours, with all his power and wealth to make the girl happy—without telling you at that time about how much he spent for her, since he knew how fervently you would react to that—and content with the relationship they both shared. But none could prepare him for the inevitable break up, Jungkook found the girl was cheating on him with another older guy, in which he found out who was her source of income too. Jungkook was devastated, heartbroken and that's the turning point when he swore off romances and relationships at all cost. You tried your best in helping him mend the broken pieces caused by the vicious witch of an ex-girlfriend, but you know none of it was the same ever again. What you could and promise to do is to be there for your best friend, at all times.

“It’s—it’s okay. I think I am just overreacting over all of this. I swear.” He sighs, sounding a little bit tired of everything and putting the utensils on his plate. You lean closer, waiting for the continuation of his spoken mind. “I am so fucked up, Y/N. Like, there are so many things that keep reminding me of her. You know how evil she is, and everything she did to me—but I still find myself missing her so much it’s crazy. It’s been nearly two years, but I still think about her—a lot. The girl I was with last night. The girl I met at a party two weeks ago. Your roommate—gosh, i’m so tired.” He sadly groans, hiding his face behind his palm. Oh, how you wish to take away some of the pain he feels.

“I think.. I think you just need to stop pushing it away, Jungkook..” You softly speak, your palm caressing his shoulder to his arm in sympathy. Jungkook let out another sigh, resting his palm over yours, eyes filled with frustration over himself.  “I think the more you are trying to stop thinking about her, the less you are able to overcome it. Just let it go. Confront it. Confront everything that reminds you of her, and tell yourself that you are slowly but surely overcoming the hunch.”

Jungkook silently nods for a while zooming out to the street, until at one point he slowly squints his eyes on you, full of suspicion. You choose to look away, trying to be nonchalant of his suspecting gaze.

“You just want me to allow your friend to go to the party so you will have a companion to meet Seokjin, right?”

Well, you should know you are going to be caught red-handed, but it should not this fast, though. Are you that obvious or it’s just another episode of Jungkook knowing you better than you do? “You know how much I need to meet him, Jungkook! You are my friend, you should help me with this. I need her as my support.” You defend yourself, arms folded in front of your chest in agitation. You are desperately in need of  Lia there, so at least when you embarrass yourself in front of a cheering crowd—or worst, Seokjin himself—you will have support that helps you get into that taxi and drive yourself to the nearest cliff. You won’t even expect Jungkook to be  there for you, he must be off somewhere fucking bimbos and that’s just how less you expect of him.

“Hey, I can be your wingman to score him too! Are you kidding me? I am his kind, I know how to get you to him better than that friend of yours.” Jungkook scrunch his nose in distaste of your doubts about him. You scoff loudly, pushing your cold coffee away so you or Jungkook’s slob trait will not nudge or drop it to pieces mid argument. That surely happened before, and you do not want another dirty look thrown by the waitress at the both of you for causing troubles, yet again.

“Stop kidding me. First, you are not his kind. He is not a fuckboy. And what would happen if I go there with you are first, you missing at twenty minutes mark and off fucking some girl on the upstair bedroom or even worse, in the restroom and I’ll just be foolishly standing in the corner like fucking nerd who miss her literature club meeting with expectation to meet a cute, faithful guy in some dumb frat parties, fell in love and get married to happily ever after. Or second, you ignore the girls thirsting over you to accompany me and just an hour, you off to get a drink and those dumb girls will kidnap me and feed me to the lion. I don’t see any positive scenario over you, accompanying me to the party. No thanks.”

Jungkook is surely bewildered over the scenario you just play out to him. You take a deep breath, realize you have been spitting out so many words in such a short span of time. You are quite proud of that talent, though.

“That’s… strangely detailed.”

You roll your eyes, looking at the watch on your wrist. Only ten minutes left and both of you need to run to the first class.  “We need to get going now. Let’s go, you dumb jock.”

Jungkook sighs, following your step, resting a few bills on the table. “It’s my turn paying now. Let’s go.”

*

“Are you sure you want to wear that?”

Listening to Lia’s queries for the nth time, you sigh and go inside the bathroom to change into your comfy house clothes. You have been trying to find the perfect dress that is the perfect balance of classy and slutty since three hours ago—exactly right after you ran home from your afternoon class. But yet it seems like no dress is right, one makes you look too slutty, or another which makes you like a freaking nun amongst the girl in the party, or another one which make your butt looks massive or one that is too tight you know you can’t even breathe if you wear that to the party. And who are you even kidding? You are putting too much effort for a party that most likely will not even realize you are there. You know that you are not that excessively pretty like some girls that hangout with Seokjin and Jungkook’s frat—yes, you are not far on the other side either, but it’s still a valid point.

“I’m done. I’m just wearing anything to the party and if Seokjin can’t see me, he can kiss my ass. Probably gonna die alone anyway, why do I even try...” Your groan was muffled to the pile of clothes on your bed. Lia hisses at your sudden discouragement, she wakes up and launches a slap on your butt.

“Nuh-uh! You know how important this is to you, Y/N. You gotta try, or you’ll regret it forever!” Lia shakes you again, but you are still groaning against the clothes. Seeing how long this may drag and you still haven’t even done your hair, she has no choice but to drag you from bed until you are thrown on the floor with a loud bump.

“Ah! It hurts!”

“I know it hurts but you’ll be thanking me in the next five years when you are married to Seokjin and pregnant with his third kid.” 

“Now that’s just forward. And delusional. Seokjin is married to me? Seriously, like he even wants to deal with such a mess.” You pout while rubbing on your hurting elbow due to the unexpected fall. Even with such a small frame Lia cages animalistic power it’s unbelievable. “And I don’t even want to get married that fast! I still need to open my restaurant, I haven’t even met Liam Neeson, travel the world—”

“Wait-wait, hold on. Why Liam Neeson?”

“Because he is hot. Like real hot. Have you seen Narnia? That is one god-carved voice, damn! How I wish I could have a man with a voice like Liam. In Taken! He is so hot and protective and do you know that in Star Wars—”

Lia quickly shuts you by throwing a glittery dress to your face, disgust coloring her face. “That’s just borderline daddy kink and I hope you are well aware you are fucking weird.”

You grimace. “No argument here.”

*

9pm, and both you and Lia finally arrive at the large mansion which you recognize must be Hoseok’s. You check the text Jungkook sent this morning about the location’s address once again, quickly scrambling out of the car after muttering thanks to the driver to enter the huge, fancy house. Lia holds you by the waist, giving it a short squeeze of support seeing how jittery you have become since the taxi arrived. “It’s okay. You look beautiful, and Seokjin will be crazy not to see you.”

“Thanks.” You huff a breath, trying to muster a little bit confidence in your steps. It is half-working, you have to admit. 

It’s still early, yet the party is crazy enough you can’t even believe it. Every corner is busy with their own games and activities, the bass blaring in your ear until you’re this close to temporary deafness, and the outside of the house is a large outdoor pool with people laughing and girls with hot bod and bikinis. Just the perfect recipe of the best night everyone will regret—or maybe it’s just you.

You already had your fair share of parties, and you have to admit that it’s not your thing. The free booze, though? Tempting. You are trying to look at the better side of the whole ordeal. Even if you fall short and embarrass yourself in front of your crush, you get the eternal consolation of booze to help you kick the shame away. Nothing screams adult like pushing your problem away with the help of alcohol, right?

You check yourself against the reflection on the nearest mirror to you, restlessness creeping inside your head. Damn, you seriously are just a sack of old potatoes compared to these girls in clad dress and high stilettos which will surely be able to stab and kill someone. You should just pack it up and go home, really.

“Hey! I know that face, Y/N. No! We are not backing down. I did not just spend five hours of your whiny ass complaining what to wear for you to be this defeated without even trying!” Lia quickly pushes you away when you are about to run out the door for your life. You frown, ready to let out some whiny complaints when she pushes your unknowing ass away, right into someone’s arm.

From the countless people inside the freaking party you just had to fall to Seokjin’s arm. God must be joking. 

Looking straight into his beautiful, sparkling eyes, it seems like your mind is completely wiped like new, and you have the trouble of speaking your mind. His warm arms are around your shoulder, keeping you stable on your feet and this might be the nearest you have been to the taste of death.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I think you fell and I just caught you...” Seokjin smiles politely, eyes crinkled into a smile and you are still in the midst of inner conflict of speaking out anything. Out of realization how annoying your act must have been to him, you jumped feets away, desperate to keep a distance. You are really this close to running away, but do not want to be perceived like a total moron especially to him, so you let out a thin, nervous smile. 

“T—thank you for catching me.” You breathily murmur, feeling shy. How can someone not be? God, is he beautiful. His fluffy hair is styled nicely, he is wearing such a simple attire, a blue loose shirt and black denim but damn did he wear it like nobody’s business.

“No problem.” He lightly shakes his head, but a sudden realization comes to his mind as he inches closer to you, eyebrows scrunched together in question. You unconsciously lean further away from him, heart drumming fast in your chest. “I think I’ve seen you before. In my Taekwondo’s match. Right?!”

Never in a million years have you thought that Seokjin might notice—and even remember your face amongst the large crowd, watching him in his battles for your college’s team. You are always hidden, and as plain as ever whenever you watch him from the bleachers, and would run away the second whistle blows signaling the end of the competition. But now he told you he recognizes you?! Gosh, what are the odds. You have never felt so shameful and concious of your own skin before.

“Um… Yes! But you have nothing to worry, I’m not a stalker or anything, I just really like taekwondo and I like watching you—I mean the team!” You shyly correct yourself, internally punishing yourself for the accidental slip. You are such a humiliation and frankly, still too sober for this. What will you trade to forget the encounter never happened and drown yourself in booze in every form—drinks, beer, jelly shots, whatever.

“No! Of course not.” He chuckles, amused like he is really content to see you, nonchalant to how uncomfortable you are with your skin right now. You feel like a doofus, making a fool of yourself. “I really want to talk to you every time a match is finished, but you always bolt away after, I don’t have the chance to.” Then he dare to fucking winks. “But I’m glad we can finally meet here.” 

You are too confused with every act and word coming out of his mouth—did he just flirt with you?—so your reply is simple, and desperate. “Wow. Sorry, I seriously need a drink right now. Can you hold that thought?”

Seokjin chuckles and nods, his palm hovers over your back, guiding you. “I’ll come with you.” You don’t really know why he has to follow just for you to shortly grab a drink, and then he points to his empty glass. You nod knowingly, trying to focus on the booze bar you are heading to. The bar is crazy extravagant for a frat party, with the bartender pouring mixed drinks on the side. You silently gasp. Damn, Hoseok is really that rich, huh?

He continues with a cheeky smile. “I have been looking forward to talking to you since forever, and you just bolted out. Is it wrong of me to be scared you are going to pull the same trick again?”

Wow, you don’t even know what he means by that, so you let out a nervous chuckle as an answer. It is like you are back to third grade, having your first crush giving you hope by his words and you are busy configuring and overthinking everything like fucking detective conan. But you refuse to get your hopes up, your brain desperately screaming to fill your glass with your favorite whiskey. You offer him the bottle, and he smirks and receives it while purposefully brushing your hand in the process. Fuck Kim Seokjin. What happen to such a polite boy you heard so much about?!

“So, are you going to tell me about yourself?” He smiles, and your finger fidgets in nerve, quickly taking a whole gulp of the alcoholic drink, praying it to quickly intoxicate your mind so you can speak clearly in front of such handsome face. Well, for one booze is the best recipe for you during these times.

“I don’t know what you want to know about me, Seokjin. I’m just an ordinary freshman.” You smile, your teeth grazing your lower lips. But one thing you notice is that Seokjin is silent, his eyes following the movement of your bitten lips like he is completely bothered by it.

“Do you like taekwondo? I see you a lot in the match.” He starts with a simple question, while taking a large portion of his drink down his throat and ending it with a sigh. “When you were watching, you looked like you knew your stuff. It’s TMI, but I can’t help but to find it’s totally, totally hot.”

“So you are watching me watching people during a Taekwondo match?” You bravely shoot, and Seokjin let out a chuckle. You do not know what has gotten on him—or you, even at that point. What you know is that you feel your head is light, but your body is hot and bothered by just looking at him. Seokjin just literally flirts on you and all you wanna do is to jump on him and quench the thirst rubbing in the middle of your thigh.

At the time, you notice that Seokjin is bluntly staring at your lips, his eyes turned dark and heavy with lust, and his face literally inching closer and closer to you. You lick your lips, suddenly finding it hard to swallow. Is it really going to happen? Seokjin somehow, against all odds, finds you hot and that's it—you’re going to kiss him like that? Just how many years of luck do you have to sacrifice for this?

“Seokjin! Here you are. Hoseok is looking for you.”

The strange sexual tension that filled the air between you and Seokjin with your lips just inches away from each other is broken by the dumbest fuck of a best friend, Jeon Jungkook. Seokjin immediately flinches, moving away and you instinctively turn your head, your hands scratching your nape out of shyness. You swear you are going to kill your best friend after this. How dare he interrupt the moment you have been dreaming for such a long time now?!

“Thanks for that, man.” Seokjin hisses, his words dripping with sarcasm and annoyance of your interrupted session. He turns his regretful eyes to you, hands resting on your shoulder, sliding to your wrist affectionately. You do not know whether it’s just you, but your body feels like it is set on fire with his light , feathery touches. He suddenly grabs your hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“I’ll find you later, yeah? Don’t go anywhere.”

You shyly nod, and Seokjin turns his back on both of you and walks further away to the other side of the gigantic house. After his disappearance, you quickly land a hard punch on Jungkook’s arm in agitation.

“You are fucking idiot and I hate you! How dare you interrupt us like that?! We were just about to kiss, you moron!”

Jungkook frowns, rubbing on the spot you just hit. “Hey! I am doing this for your own good. You are certainly going to regret kissing that guy! He is not that good, you’re better off without him.”

You hisses at his lackluster explanation. “I don’t know what crack you are sniffing, Jeon, but you just told me yesterday to attend this party and bone him. And now you’re pulling this shit?!” 

“I know! But I just don’t like it with him. I feel like he’s up to something.” You sigh after listening to his nonsense. Seriously, you can’t believe it. The first time you ever try to flirt and kiss someone you just met, and get a response—from Kim Seokjin, more to emphasize—at a party has to be interrupted by your fuckboy best friend. You have overestimated your luck.

At your sudden silence, Jungkook takes the time to raise his gaze and take in your appearance from head to toe. You are wearing your black sleeveless bodycon dress, the one you once drunkenly bought a year ago and always have been placed on the back of your closet. You compliment your dress with a pair of red heels, fresh from Lia’s closet. Your wavy hair is styled nicely, tied up that exhibits your neck line to the slightest of your collarbone. Your makeup is rather simple, but the red lips is just the perfect end-touch to your appearance today. You are simply beautiful.

“Why are you looking at me like that, you hobo?” You snort when feeling Jungkook’s gaze is too intimidating around your body—you fold your arms protectively on your chest. At your mocking question, Jungkook quickly throws his head somewhere else, sniffling his itchy nose. He seriously needs to catch himself before he erupts and makes a fool out of himself. But one he somehow forgets is that his body is way, way more truthful in speaking his mind than he really is. 

“Hey! How was it? Have you scored Seokjin yet?”

On your side, Lia shuffles with a bottle of beer and a knowing smirk. You sigh, shaking your head mournfully. Your wingman nearly yells.

“Why?! I voluntarily shove you too, back then! I saw you guys are chilling together so I decided to grab something for a sec and now you’re telling me he’s gone and you both did nothing?!”

To answer her question, you just vehemently point Jungkook. “This asshole decided to ruin everything. Just when it is about to happen, Lia! His lips were this close.” You mourn your lost chance, mimicking his lips hovering over yours. Jungkook quickly pushes your hand away from your lips with annoyance, eyebrows scrunched together in disgust. 

“You are creepy, and I am doing this for the sake of my frat brother. He is better off with someone else.” He pouts, his face looking severely annoyed and red. But it’s not just any kind of red. It’s vermillion, just the way you remember it from your elementary school, along with the childish pout on his lips. Ignoring your previous anger at him, you scrutinize his face closely and shift his face side by side with your palm, and he looks completely flustered. What in god’s name is happening?

“Hey, why are you so red, Jungkook? Are you okay?”

At the sudden attention thrown at him, Jungkook’s face just becomes even redder—if it is even possible. Realizing that he is in a very unfortunate situation at the moment, Jungkook quickly racks his brain for any reason to avoid your pesky questions. “I—I just think it’s too hot in here. Don’t you think so?”

“There’s literally four air conditioners in this room, Jungkook. It’s freezing cold in this place. Who the fuck has four ac in just a living room anyway? Damn you, capitalism!” You hissed, unamused with his lies. Jungkook grins, realizing how idiotic he must have sounded. At your last statement, you are suddenly self-conscious about the coldness in the room, rubbing your bare arms to create friction and warmth. He quickly notices your subtle gesture.

“Are you cold? Here, use my jacket.” Jungkook instinctively offers, not even waiting for your answer and unattaching the fabric of his body. At the kind gesture, you are touched as he seems to always understand you without you even need to say a thing. But when you see he is just wearing a body-fit black shirt underneath the denim jacket he was wearing—clearly, that jacket is going to go either way—you immediately snort. That bitch is just asking for an opportunity to flex the unnecessary muscle in front of the girls there, no need for you to feel flattered whatsoever.

“God, you’re both so fuckin domestic and boring. I’m off finding fun somewhere else, don’t wait for me~” Lia coos, walking to the other side of the house along with her bottle of beer. Well, Lia basically knows her ways in and out of frat parties, so you are not worried for her. If somehow Seokjin does not find his way back in thirty minutes, you promise yourself to hitch an uber as fast as you can and bolt out of that shitshow without making a scene. 

As the girl who somehow looks exactly like his ex exits their space, Jungkook reverts his focus back on you. You are busy looking anywhere else but him, your lips clamp on the glass to sip on the beverage. “Aren’t you tired with those heels? Let’s sit somewhere else.” He offers lowly.

You comply either way, somehow feeling a little bit suspicious over Jungkook’s sudden calm demeanor. You know him and how he is at parties. He should not be with you right now, instead joining his dumb jock friends and the girls at the other side playing body shots. This is borderline weird—you don’t want to interrupt him during his fuckboy activities, now both you and Jungkook are seated on the sofa in the corner of the room. 

“Are you okay, Jungkook? You are suspiciously silent.”

Jungkook clears his throat again, but all of a sudden loses all remaining composure when your finger delightfully skims his cheek. “And your face is red. There must be something wrong. The last time I saw you like this was—”

Jungkook knows what you are about to say but decided not to. He decided to ignore your suddenly awkward gesture and answers. “It’s not that, I—I’m just not feeling it tonight.”

You suddenly scoop his fingers and squeeze it lightly. “Is it because I am here? I swear Jungkook, you don’t have to accompany me. I’m perfectly fine on my own, you know it.”

“I want to accompany you.” Jungkook denies, not knowing how to speak his mind in any other way. His gaze is filled with unexpected sincerity, you don’t really know how and why. “I attend these parties, meet these people nearly everyday, Y/N. But they don’t have what we have. And now that you here, of course I would rather be with you.”

You don’t know whether it is the alcohol in your spine or the bass thumping likely on your heart, but you clearly feel something about the words. You feel important. You feel needed. And the way Jungkook looks at you right now? You feel like it’s somehow filled with new, raw emotions you never found on him before. The way his fingers are clasped on you—it’s like he is holding it for dear life. You can not deny that you are mildly confused by the sudden tension between you and Jungkook.

“Here you are, Y/N. I’ve been searching for you.” 

Seokjin is now standing in front of you and Jungkook, his eyes silently trailing on the fingers intertwined with you and your best friend, but refusing to comment. Realizing how awkward the moment must have been for the three of you, you swiftly jump on your feet, cheeks slightly reddening out of shyness while Seokjin still maintains the charming smile on his lips. “Can I take you somewhere else? This party is too loud. Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

“Mmm.. Okay.” You mutter, trying your best not to glance at Jungkook. You want to avoid adding more fuel to the awkwardness—well, you are too emotionally incapable to face whatever emotion you were having with Jungkook just now. He is just a thoughtful best friend, why are you even dwelling on it like it’s something new in your friendship? And being the coward you truly are, you answer the offer of Seokjin’s hand, following him to the outside without glancing even once at Jungkook. Even if all you can think about is him and what the hell just happened.

*

It’s been nearly two weeks, but you have yet to receive any message, or call, or anything from Jungkook. It’s not his fault, though—you could have started a conversation yourself, but you always find yourself hesitating while typing words on your screen. Maybe it’s because Jungkook has mostly been the one to start any conversation, and now nearly two weeks has passed since your last encounter and you have no idea how to start. Idiot.

You are still lounging in your bed, mustering yourself to be brave enough to say anything to Jungkook. When suddenly a message arrives, you are startled, swiftly clicking it open. But seeing the sender, you sigh in disappointment. It’s not Jungkook.

From : Seokjin

Hey, you are coming to the practice, right? [12:40]

Do you want to grab a bite after that? I have this coupon I need to use:) [12:41]

Ah, Seokjin. Since that fateful night in the party, you have been frequently hanging out with him. He is a senior in your department—he is even the assistant for some of your classes—so you do meet frequently. It is weird now that you are acquainted with him, he is everywhere, like literally everywhere. Especially because after that night, he asks you to join the taekwondo club based on your interest and previous experience. And who are you to reject? You like Taekwondo, and you like him. Talking about killing two birds with one stone, right?

But now you feel on the edge nearly all the time because your fuckboy best friend is missing in action. You want to tell him everything, but you feel like you have sinned him greatly for ditching him that night. It’s even hard to find out why! All you know that he might just find another girl to fuck with that night, and both of you know that the only thing in first that invite you to the party is because Seokjin is there—even Jungkook propose you to bone him! You seriously hate yourself for feeling this way.

“Jungkook, you are a complete moron!” You hiss, throw the phone to the desk and dip your face to the pillow.

Okay, new plan. It’s better for you to just meet and confront him directly. So tomorrow after class, you are going to meet him after his 8am, and just point and blame him for ghosting your friendship. Well, he is not ghosting, but that’s not the point! It’s a brilliant plan, yet you find yourself strangely terrified for what is about to happen.

*

Tomorrow morning, you are going to ask Lia to walk to class together, yet you find she is already missing, bed is made and cleaned. It’s weird to see her wake up so early since she is absolutely not a morning person, but you shrug it anyway, expecting to see her in class. Still, even after the professor arrives, you find her regular place beside you is empty. You send her a message, but it is met with no reply. Skipping class is not really rare in her case, so you just silently attend, mind filled with the plan you will execute later on.

After class, as previously planned, you directly head to Jungkook’s faculty. You can remember it vividly, Jungkook’s class for the morning is always running late due to his old as hell professor, who talks extremely slowly and loves to discuss anything but the topic he is supposed to teach, hence your plan. You are going to wait in front of his class, supposedly asking to grab brunch together before accusing him for ignoring you altogether.

But then, what you find while walking on the bridge connecting the two faculties catch you by surprise. It is Lia, talking to a man who's back you easily identify as Jungkook—you can detect those small waist everywhere, hidden cladly in a slim fit dress shirt. Both of them are engaged in serious talk, with Jungkook’s face a little bit tense and Lia’s face looking like she completely had enough.

Lia? And Jungkook? Your eyes must be deceiving you right now.

With all will, you march onto them, and even the fact that they are talking, just the two of them without you is weird enough, they don’t even realize your presence until you are tapping on Jungkook’s shoulder with a suspecting gaze. The moment he finds you, he unconsciously jumps a few steps back with a loud gasp, exactly like whenever he has been caught doing something bad. “Y/N! You’re here!”

“Yes. I was just about to catch you after your class, Jungkook, maybe we can grab a bite together.” The moment you let out those words, you heard Lia snickers and Jungkook immediately throws her a look. 

“Finally. You both should eat together! and I don’t know—maybe be truthful at each other? or anything, I don’t care. I’m out of here.” She walks out, not minding your voice calling out to her. You seriously have zero idea what she means, but Jungkook quickly places his hands on both your shoulders—desperate for your focus, his cheeks now colored in bright shade of red.

“Don’t mind her. Let’s go eat.”

You stop your track against Jungkook’s force of pulling you away, scrutinizing his face closer with a worried gaze. “Jungkook, you are acting weird. And you are sooo red. Are you sure you are okay?”

Jungkook hastily nods, pulling you to the place you both usually grab coffee at, not really far from his faculty. On the way, both of you still fall in silence, and one thing your eyes could focus on is his fingers, tightly intertwined on yours—the same gesture he has been doing for around ten years now. 

Is it weird that now you definitely do not feel nothing from just holding his hands?

*

Both of you are seated on your usual spot—near the window inside the coffee shop, right after ordering. “So. Are you going to tell me where you have been these past two weeks?” You questions, sipping on your usual choice of espresso. Jungkook grimaces, his fingers clasping against each other nervously. Not that he expects you to beat around the bush.

“I am just kinda busy. With practice and studying.” He silently answers, eyes still not looking anywhere else but you. And what kind of best friend are you not to notice that?

You nod cryptically, decide against pushing it.  Even though skeptic, what he said does seems plausible. “So, what’s up?’

“Just the regular.”

Your left eyebrows raise. “No news on your fuckboy conquest of one night stands?”

Jungkook eyebrows scrunched. “You’re disgusting.”

You are baffled at that. “What?! I am disgusting? Jungkook, you have been explicitly telling me stories about these girls you sleep with for already two years now. What are you, playing coy?“

Jungkook sighs tiredly. Instead of answering, he reaches for your glass of espresso, sipping it before wincing due to the bitterness—like a fucking moron doing his usual thing. It seems already too familiar, so you just shrug it and focus on the initial topic instead. “I just… I haven’t been sleeping with anyone these past two weeks, okay?”

You send him a cryptic look, and Jungkook complains in frustration. “I am not lying! I am not an animal, okay? I am tired sometimes, and I am allowed to not do that anymore.”

“Jungkook, there is no way you are not going to parties and not sleeping with these girls. You have been doing these for two years. What gives?” You push, as you know there must be something he is hiding from you. Jungkook sighs, looking at you with a gaze filled with strange emotions.

“I—I haven’t been to parties too. Look, I am just not feeling it, okay? I just.. I just needed a break.”

Looking at Jungkook, it is difficult to even imagine him not doing all his usual popular jock activities. And now he told you he hasn’t been to parties for two weeks? It’s really unlike him. He hasn’t missed a single party for these past two years since high school to the point you have a hard time remembering what he used to do on Friday nights. Something must have happened, that’s for certain.

“Do you want to tell me why?” You ask him carefully, your fingers reaching out to his. He looks up at you, something in his face tells you that something indeed has happened. And suddenly, your mind flashes to the event that just occurred. Could it be?

“Does it have anything to do with Lia? This morning, when you met her?”

Jungkook’s eyes bulge, his hands are harshly pulled to his lap, away from you. You can detect his chest pumped, heaving too much air in, eyes nervously scanning away. Too many reactions for a mere ‘nothing happened’. “I—I don’t know? What do you mean?”

“It’s weird! You were literally avoiding her before, Jungkook. But then I saw you meeting her alone. What happened? Tell me.” You persuade, determine to get to the end of it. But the answer you are given is only a nervous shake of head, with shade of red slowly creeping in his face. Another trait that you know from Jungkook, is his inability to hide his feelings—at least in front of you.

Due to his prolonged silence for his orders arrival, you silently guess what might have happened with him. A flash of unpleasant image enters your head and you wince internally. God, please don’t let it be true. You even have a hard time to spell those words. 

“Jungkook, please tell me you didn’t sleep with her.”

Jungkook’s face is flushed in a bright shade of red, as he shakes his head vigorously. “You are crazy. I did not sleep with your best friend.”

A sense of relief washes you. “So tell me what it is! What is it that you can’t possibly tell me? It must be it, or do you expect me to believe you somehow have feelings for her?!” You mindlessly intrude, but now seeing Jungkook’s face is vermillion red and how silent he is for a few seconds after the accusation, you can’t even believe there is a chance it might be true.

You hesitantly approach, voice caught up midways. “You… do you have feelings for Lia?”

Jungkook stares back at you, and you can see a hint of sadness on his eyes. Internally, he is terribly conflicted. He doesn’t know what he can say to you. He already has the answer to your query on the tip of his tongue, clearer than anything else but he cannot do that. It would be unfair to everyone, especially you. 

In life, Jungkook believes he is a risk taker—he is taught that way, ever since he was a little kid. Risk is what makes life even better and interesting. But how can he gamble with what you both have right now? He could never take that risk for what you have right now with him. It’s too much in stake—a game not worthy to play, and he knows his chances like the back of his hand. So he forces a smile, mustering all his might to say something that he is well aware does not reflect what he is truly feeling.

“I—I think so..”

Listening to his answer, you nod slowly, not knowing exactly how you feel. You are happy for him—for Jungkook to finally find someone he likes, someone who can get him off the meaningless sex routine he has been accustomed to for awhile now. And truth to be told? Lia is one of the best girls you ever acquaintanced with. If one thing you can ever count on, is that both of your best friends are great people that somehow grealy deserve each other. Lia is pretty, smart, fun to talk and party with, and allegedly good at sex—you don’t really now, it’s just what she claims to be—and Jungkook is the kindest soul out there—even if he is a certified douchebag once in a while—but they really fit each other well.

But is it disappointment in the pit of your stomach?

Noticing how silent you have become, Jungkook quickly takes the opportunity and changes the topic he instantly regrets. “So, how are things with Seokjin? I hear you both are hitting it well.”

Your throat feels constricted, so you clear it, hoping your stupefiedness is unrecognizable. “Yup. He is a good guy. I am now in the Taekwondo club as well, so… yeah I’ve been seeing him a lot too.”

“I am glad you finally got into the club! I remember how much of a pain you are, always go on and on talking about Taekwondo.” He rigidly smiles, eyes still trained on the dish served in front of him, cutting it in pieces. God, he is seriously digging his own grave with this fake supportive best friend shit.

“Yeah, whose fault is it that I got off Taekwondo in the first place, huh?”

Jungkook sighs, resting his utensils on the plate. He is aware of it very well, he knows what a fucking coward he has been since little, which may had forced you giving up on taekwondo—something you really loved. You can’t even imagine how guilty he is about everything. You have been the one thing keeping him sane, yet he always thinks himself on the recipient side of the friendship. And the midst of his current vulnerable state, he feels greatly undeserving of you. Who is he kidding? You might even regret saving him from humiliation on that fateful day, ten years ago.

Sensing that your joke may have not been taken well by Jungkook, you reach out to him, placing your palm on his, trying to soothe the indignation palpable on his face. “Jungkook, I am sorry.. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.. I know. It’s okay.” Jungkook answers, lips pursed into a tight line. You can see that he is indeed piqued, and truthfully, it is your fault. He always blames himself for the time he felt you sacrificed so much for him—like Taekwondo, for example. You convince him that it is not his fault since you can always go back to Taekwondo again—you just choose not to, but he always blames himself, thinking of the what ifs. You should not have brought it up and joked about it.

The silence then ensues, the tension between you and him thickens like you can slice it and choke it down your throat. You were about to apologize again, right when your phone rings and displays Seokjin’s name on the screen .Jungkook definitely saw the name too himself. You are hesitating whether to answer or not, before Jungkook answers it for you rigidly, jaw clenched tight. 

“Answer it.” 

When you are in the middle of conversation with Seokjin—and unimportant one, Jin is just asking what are you doing because he is bored in the middle of intensive taekwondo training, so you just casually tell him about grabbing a brunch with Jungkook—your best friend quickly flips few bills from his wallet, raising up from his seat. You swiftly hold him back, cutting off the ongoing call without even saying goodbyes. “Jungkook, where are you going?”

“I guess you must be somewhere with Seokjin, right? Let’s go, don’t want to keep the handsome boy waiting.”

The way Jungkook pronounces every word is heavy with sarcasm, and it wounds you. Is he seriously telling you that you are going to ditch him for Seokjin? Dry tears are lounging on the corner of your eyes till your visions are blurry, and it is hard to even breathe. How dare he play that game to you? Does he really think he has any right to treat you like that?

Jungkook must have noticed your contorted face and inevitable tears, and he is quick to apologize. “I am sorry, I didn't mean it like—”

“Save it.” You curtly cut him, slapping a few bills on the table. “It’s my turn to pay now. And you are correct. Thank you for that, I will find that handsome boy right now.”

If Jungkook calls you again, you are unable to hear it. Too pissed off to even breathe, your head feels like it’s about to explode along with tears that are quick to rain on your parade.

*

After you storm off the brunch with Jungkook, your afternoon class is fortunately cancelled. Instead of going with your words and meeting Seokjin, you decide you are too emotionally exhausted and head back home. So here you are, chilling in your apartment alone, watching netflix and eating popcorn after completing a long nap of five hours straight. Your phone is far ducked inside your room, as you notice Jungkook has blown off your phone for quite a while now, and you are this close to answer it so you throw it away. That bastard definitely deserves a lesson for pulling an unfunny passive aggressive prank like that.

While you are in the middle of refilling your bowl for the second batch of popcorn, your apartment door is swung opened. It is Lia, with a huge triumphant smile on her face. “Look what I brought us!”

You don’t even know the reason why, the moment you are looking at Lia’s face, you immediately remember Jungkook’s claim that he has feelings for this girl. For your best friend. For a girl who looks exactly like his ex. Damn, did you really sound that bitter?

“What is it?” You fake enthusiasm, even if what you really want to do is sigh and roll your eyes. 

“Chicken and beer! Not just chicken, this is the exact brand and flavor you like! I think since we rarely hang out nowadays, tonight we can watch bad movies together and eat and drink unhealthy food and drinks we probably will regret in the morning!” She cheerfully shouts, resting the packages of food on the table, running to her room to change into comfy clothes.

You bite your lips, regretting how undeserved she is for your cynical thoughts. You are greatly touched by her mindful gesture. Albeit harsh and sometimes cold, Lia is really affectionate at times, kind and selfless to her friends, especially you. You can’t even count how much she helped you, saving you from an embarrassment or humiliation due your sloppy and forgetful trait. The mind is indeed a dangerous place, and you should limit any possible toxicity that might be planted and grow in it.

So you and Lia jump to watch some chick flick which she always denies to like, but somehow always in tears after. One thing that you might not realize is that you often find yourself staring at her, thinking about how easy it is to like her. She is really the dream girl. Pretty, strong, funny and independent. She’s basically perfect. You even doubt Jungkook deserves her, seriously.

“Honey, another look and I think I might just go gay for you.” Lia sighs, resting the chicken drumstick on the plate. You avert your eyes on the TV, shy of being caught staring. “What is it? Are you falling for me? I swear—”

“No, I just.. Nothing.”

You are silent, busy gulping the beer to hide how flustered you are right now. Damn, are you really that obvious? “There must be something. Y/N, I will not push, but you know you can tell me everything. Nothing will surprise me, seriously.”

You nod, throwing your attention back to the movie. But not even five minutes, the curiosity gets the best of you, so you decide to mum a question to her. 

“Lia, what do you think about Jungkook?”

You kind of wish she does not hear you, but it is instantly cancelled since she answers. Yup, she can hear your silly question, loud and clear.

“Jungkook? He is hot, good looking and kind. A little dumb and blabber a little bit too much, but I think it’s manageable.” She nonchalantly answers, suddenly her prodding eyes are thrown at you. “Where does this suspicious question come from?”

“Nothing! I just want to know what you think of him.” You bitterly smile. Yes, definitely that and only that.

Another ten minutes pass and you open another question, still full of hesitation whether it’s best to ask or just keep it to yourself, yet it’s literally killing you so you ask anyway. “Hypothetically speaking. If… I don’t know, Jungkook confesses to you he likes you. Would you accept it?”

Lia looks at you strangely — like you have grown another head, when her face suddenly brightens, an imaginary light bulb practically pictured on her head. A sleazy smile is worn on her lips, her eyebrows wiggling playfully. “Ah! So that is about all this. Finally!”

“Of course! Jungkook is a nice guy, he is kind, respectful, albeit a little annoying and dumb, he is hot, which kinda makes it even. He listens well, and strangely gives good advice.” Lia brightly smiles, literally like the woman who endorses cooking items in the supermarket to middle aged mothers. “I think anyone having a monogamous relationship with that manchild is very, very lucky!”

You do notice how exaggerated and odd her sentence is, but when you are about to reply, few soft knocks are heard on your door. So keeping the words back, you wake up and mindlessly open it.

Well, It turns out to be Seokjin, and he could arguably be the last person you think would be standing in front of your doorstep now.

“Seokjin? What are you doing here, at this time of the night?”

Seokjin answers with a serene smile, his eyes sparkling amidst the dim hallway. “I am sorry to be at your doorstep this late. I just… I just want to talk to you. Is that weird?”

Your heart literally skips a beat at that. Seriously? Seokjin comes to your apartment at 10pm just to talk to you? Is this even real? “You can’t just call me? Not that I’m not glad to see you, but I don’t want to tire you. You just finished your crazy tiring training!”

“I’ve been trying to contact you, but I went into voicemail. So I guess, more reason to meet you, right?” Seokjin shyly smiles, scratching his nape. God, have you ever mentioned that he is really cute? “I hope I’m not a bother.”

“No! Of course not. But my roommate is here. Do you want to go somewhere else? I think one restaurant near here is still open.” You quickly offer and Seokjin agrees with a nod. You are hurriedly about to grab your purse, when Lia walks out to the doorstep, meeting Seokjin.

“Hi! You must be the roommate. I’m Seokjin.” Seokjin offers a hand along with a charming smile. Lia receives it with confusion written on her face. 

“Are you both going somewhere?” She asks, puzzled. You slightly run to the door, hoping there is nothing to be discussed amongst the three of you anymore.

“Yes! We are. I’ll be back soon, see you!” You quickly smile and close the door right on her face. Damn, you don’t know what has gotten into you, but you really can’t seem to shake that cautious feeling. It really needs time before you even consider letting Seokjin hang out with your nosy friends. Like Lia, or even Jungkook.

Especially Jungkook.

*

Jungkook is sitting with Taehyung, his project mate on the corner of a restaurant near your apartment. He has been trying to contact you since afternoon but you still haven’t replied to his call nor messages, it makes him feel guilty beyond words. He shouldn’t have snapped like that at you, you literally did nothing and he blew everything way out of proportion—especially when that dickhead Seokjin called you. And now he is nearly losing his mind, because he doesn’t want to spend another minute in your probable wrath. How can everything be so messed up?

“Dude, stop calling her. She’ll call you soon. Why is this such a big deal?” Taehyung groans when Jungkook relentlessly dial your number once more. He doesn’t even know why, but another call you ignore, he might combust and run to your apartment, begging for reconciliation. He is seriously just that desperate.

The call fails, yet Jungkook is still tapping on the call again button when Taehyung meddles in his pathetic best friend obsession. “Hey, stop! Why are you doing this, dude? You like this girl or what?” 

At Taehyung’s accusation, Jungkook was silent. “I don’t know. But I can’t stop, Tae. Or I’ll go crazy.”

Taehyung sighs, giving up and instead going back to his work. As long as the tasks are divided, he would not be bothered by his friend’s crazy fixation towards a so-called-friend. Seriously, why do people even want to monogamously date? It’s such a hassle, and unimportant. Girlfriends are liabilities, and Jungkook of all people should know it!

After being rejected for another three calls, Jungkook finally gives up, slamming the phone on the desk. “I give up. She’ll never answer. Fuck it, I need to work.”

Taehyung glances at that guy trying to focus on the task in front of him. Everyone can see how out of place he is—if there’s a guarantee Jungkook will not land a punch to his precious face, he really wants to tease him right now it is hilarious. Damn, his friend is whipped.

Amongst the silence, Jungkook’s phone suddenly rings. Throwing the thousand page book in his grasps right away, he answers it like a madman—probably without even checking the caller. It must not be the girl of his dreams, since his hopeful puppy face instantly sombers.

“Of course not! How can I, we just got into a fight.”

After listening to the faint caller’s word, his knuckles intimidatingly whiten due, jaw tightening. “Seriously? They are leaving now?”

A few banter and the call ends, but Taehyung can see how bothered the guy is after the call. He is no longer bothered to even pretend he is working, instead his eyes hollow, zooming out to nothingness. But another five minutes, a slight tingling from the entrance bell is heard and Jungkook feels like his heart is about to fall out he instinctively ducks his head. Taehyung tries to steal a look to the source of attention, and it’s you, the girl he has seen a lot previously with Jungkook and Seokjin… Together while holding hands.

Oh, oh. This is bad.

Jungkook really should just storm out. He is never the masochist type, but somehow curiosity gets the best of him so he stays, his work is completely ignored. He focuses on glaring to the other side of the restaurant where you and Seokjin sit near the window, nonchalant to his presence while lively and affectionately talking to each other. And for fuck sake, can fucking Seokjin get his hands off you? It takes everything in his power to ignore the need to slap those dirty paws away.

“Jungkook, we should go..” Taehyung silently pleads, noticing how tense his friend has become since you and Seokjin arrived. But Jungkook is unable to hear or sense anything, was too focused on probing both of you while trying not to be caught.

It is a rather short meal, as you and Seokjin only ordered a dessert to share and Jungkook is irritated. You finished a bowl of ice cream in one sitting and you can’t seriously get a dessert for your own? Disgusting—After approximately thirty minutes, you and Seokjin head out, hand by hand with a sickeningly shy smile on both of your faces.

Jungkook thinks that is the end of it, thank God he can finally breathe. But how wrong he was to even think he will remain unscathed, because as both of you stand in front of the restaurant, Seokjin bravely pulls you closer by the nape and crashes his lips on yours. It feels like a punch to Jungkook’s gut, seeing how blissful both of you are engaged in a sweet kiss, your hands on his cheek and his hands clasped on your waist. There’s the anger, the jealousy raging inside Jungkook’s chest at the moment that it’s even difficult to breathe. 

As now both of you and Seokjin have left the scene, Taehyung forces himself from the tense situation to steal a glance at Jungkook. Just seeing him—staring at the ceiling with no expression whatsoever—radiates the devastation and frustration he is currently experiencing. God, Taehyung hopes he will never have to experience that kind of emotion in his life.

*

During ten years of friendship with Jungkook, you never knew what it feels to have him avoid you. But now that you are exactly being treated like a plague by him, you wish you were warned beforehand because it fucking hurts. And you have no idea how or why, and you have no one to console your loss — not even Seokjin, or Lia. Well it mostly because you don’t want them to realize how fucking dependent you are to Jungkook, it’s pathetic.

“Kitten, you are spazzing out. Are you sure you are okay?”

Seokjin’s words are nearly lost on you, and the moment his hand is on yours, you unconsciously flinch. He is now examining you, with a gaze full of worry. 

“If you are feeling not okay, we can just go home.” Seokjin kindly offers, but you shake your head fervently, not wanting to wallow again in your sadness. You can’t take this away from Seokjin, when it’s his dearest fellow frat brothers—especially the seniors who are having the party. Seokjin as the angel he is will not let you be alone in your apartment.

Since the day you meet Jungkook for brunch, a week has passed and it seems like you and him are in the middle of a cold war. It’s not like you are not speaking to each other, but every word coming from him speaks distance and you are tired and just stop trying—yet it doesn’t lessen the pain. And now you are going with Seokjin for his frat party, and you know Jungkook will be there—it might be the reason you are simultaneously eager and despise going to the party. You are terribly anxious about facing him, but you can’t back down when you know you did nothing wrong.

In front of the frat house, Seokjin holds your hand and brushes his lips to your temple as an encouragement. “Let’s go in, shall we?”

You throw your gaze at Seokjin’s side profile. Seriously, what did you do to deserve him? He is seriously the kindest soul out there, always looking for your best interest. He never hesitates to go big for you, yet you can help but to feel guilty. He is too kind. Too perfect. And you can’t shake this feeling of undeserving and owning him everything to him.

The moment your feet step into the party, your eyes instantly fall to someone so familiar yet so strange—Jungkook. He is leaning on a sofa, talking animatedly with two girls on either side, leeching to him like they are willing to take turns to suck him dry. You roll your eyes in disgust. What were you expecting? That Jungkook might go celibate and seriously get a grip on his life? You must be drunk. That bastard can’t even face the fact that he likes someone and actually does something about it.

Yes. He likes Lia. But being a total fuckboy is not what someone should do when he seriously likes someone, right? You just want the best for him, not wanting Jungkook to waste another time when he can have someone he truly likes instead of engaging in another one night stand.

While Seokjin is chatting with his group of friends, you excuse yourself to grab a drink. He, as the gentleman he is, offers to accompany you, but you refuse—mentioning it will only take a short while. And after finally settling in the kitchen where you can finally have a space for your own, you heave few deep breaths. You do not know exactly why, but being surrounded among strangers always sends you to a nervous bundle. 

That’s exactly the reason why you always avoid going to parties. You wanted to tell Seokjin about the anxiety you feel, but you feel like it’s too much of a burden to throw on him so you just swallow everything and hope for the best—but now you regret everything. At least previously, you have Lia and you are assured she is going to take care of you. Not that you don’t think Seokjin will not, but the trust issue you have for nearly everyone is not going to go away when you literally only know him for one freaking month.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Suddenly, a familiar voice is heard and you look behind, seeing Jungkook with a worried gaze, his palm soothing your back. “You don’t really look good. Does the party bother you?”

You bask in his appearance, and sense the anxiety building up inside your head crashes into a loud sob. Seeing such a familiar face, worried about your well-being somehow instantly relieves you, and the emotion is excessive and you inevitably feel the urge to cry. 

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry.” Jungkook whispers, pulling you inside his arms and enveloping you with the ever-so-familiar warmth. His fingers forming circles in your back, just the way he used to calm you on every rainy day, while you clutch into his jacket for dear life. 

“Why do you even come here, you idiot? You should have let me know.”

His ignorant statement somehow flares the anger inside you, and you irritatedly push him away with both your palms. Jungkook is a jerk, and you do not deserve any of this. “How can I let you know, Jungkook? When it’s crystal clear you are avoiding me. I haven’t heard anything other than your one two word messages. I can’t even call you!” 

The guilt is definitely painted on his face, confirming a guess that has been going around your head. He truly was avoiding you. “I—I don’t mean it like that…”

“What wrong did I do, Jungkook? How can you do this to me?” You whimper sadly. All the frustration inside you is coming out. “I know I was wrong, but this is not how we resolve things, Jungkook. You know it. And you can’t even tell me what’s wrong directly to my face, or even try to reconcile our friendship, instead you go back to partying, eye fucking two girls at the same time when I’m standing right here. Do you even know how it makes me feel?”

“It’s not that!” Jungkook defends himself, feeling the obnoxious guilt seeping inside his heart. He feels at fault now seeing how heartbroken you look, and the fact that he is the one causing them. It’s like he is finally awoken, that he has been selfishly trying to redeem himself from a one-sided love for his childhood best friend without thinking about how you feel. But in his defense, he thought you would be okay! 

“I...I just thought now that you have Seokjin, you won’t be needing me no more. He seems to be such a better companion than I am. And I know you like him so much, Y/N, I feel like...”

“Hey. Are you okay?” 

All of a sudden, Seokjin appears in the kitchen, staring at both you and Jungkook standing in front of each other with somber looks on each of your faces. He definitely was about to say something, but like he sobers up and puts up a thin smile and reaches out to you. “You take a long time to get a drink, so I thought I should check up on you.”

You quickly grab the nearest bottle of beer, giving a short, civilized smile to Jungkook to handle the pain throbbing inside his chest. You desperately need space away from him, swearing that you would do anything to avoid breakdown in the middle of a frat party filled with tons of strangers. “Excuse me.”

“Hey, Seokjin! Get your girl, we are going to play!”

That trademark voice was definitely Hoseok’s, gesturing you to join the circle of group with countless shots in the center—which is literally a recipe for a disastrous night. Seokjin is about to wave him off, intending to focus on your well being instead, but that is seriously the last thing you want to do right now. All you need is alcohol—lots of them and avoid whatever internal conflict you are having since that’s what you do best. Hence, you pull the older guy closer to the group cheering them on, forcing him to sit down beside you. 

“Hey, we don’t have to do this if you are not comfortable.” Seokjin consoles, his hands smoothing on your thigh. 

“But I want to!” You fake a cheer, pretending to sound enthusiastic. “I haven’t done this in a long time. I wanna do this again.”

Jimin—one of the other frat brothers, is counting the people and after clicks his tongue in dissatisfaction. “We need one more. Hey, Jungkook, come here!”

You quickly snap your head towards your so-called best friend, who just came out from the kitchen from your previous unpleasant encounter. Just a glance and you can see how messed up he looks right now. Jungkook seriously was about to flip Jimin off, instead wallowing himself in sadness and regret. But seeing you sitting in the circle, he gets no other choice but to accept the offer. All that he can think about is the annoying frat buddies of his who might force you to do the things you despise, along with your occasional social anxiety that might ruin everything for you. He will never forget himself if they happen without him there, when he had the opportunity to. He’ll do it, regardless of your current distaste for him.

“Okay! So we are going to play Never Have I Ever!” Jimin shouts, and your stomach dips in nerves. God, are you seriously going to do it? But then you feel a certain concerned stare is directed towards you, and your pride forces you to act nonchalant. You are not going to let Jungkook think he needs to babysit you again. The previous thing in the kitchen is humiliating enough, you don’t need another second. 

“It’s the usual. if you have done it before, drink a shot! Don’t worry, we have abundant alcohol supply and our dearest freshmen right here, kindly volunteer to refill the glasses.” You emphatically look amongst the fellow freshmen, standing outside the circle with bottles of alcohol in their hands. God, this reminds you why frat people are seriously the worst.

“I’ll start! Okay. Never have I ever sexted someone during class.”

A series of groans are heard in the circle, few people—some that you know are Taehyung, Hoseok, and even the smartest of the frat boys, Namjoon bottoms up their respective drinks. Seriously? They pay tuition to sext during class. What a disgrace.

And of course Jungkook’s glass is empty too. What did you expect?

Next is Hoseok. “Never have I ever faked an orgasm before!”

Well, that one is on you, but you are just glad to be able to finally drink. And damn is it good to finally have alcohol buzzing inside your system—it’s been way too long. After drinking his own, Seokjin offers to exchange your empty glass into a full one. You send a thankful smile his way.

“Never have I ever sent a nude to someone.”

Well, that's correct on your previous relationship with a dickhead in your high school. Wow, you feel the slight kick, but since your tolerance is quite high, your tongue still craves for more.

“Never have I had a threesome before.”

Your eyes curiously find Jungkook, as he bottoms up his third glass of the game, with only a few of the people there drink—Jungkook, Taehyung, Jimin and one of the unknown girls. Not that you did not expect it, but you find yourself mildly uncomfortable and somehow disappointed with the facts. He is Jungkook. You should have known it.

“Never have I ever roleplay mommy / daddy kink during sex.”

You detect Seokjin shyly drinking his glass, and you fake a gasp. The alcohol on your spine and the great atmosphere are a success in bringing up your mood. “Wow, I knew it! It’s all so clear, you must have daddy kink!” You let out a belly laugh as he softly pinches your waist, still abashed to the new found fact. What you miss is Jungkook shooting daggers both your ways and Taehyung on his side giving him a few comforting taps on the back.

“Never have I ever liked someone else when I was in a relationship!”

The question somehow kills every fun you have, as you silently recall your previous relationships. There was definitely something on your mind, but you quickly pushed them back. No. It did not make sense and still does, and it was something you chose to bury a long time ago. Pretending it never exists is way easier.

But when you straighten your back to regain your sense, your eyes instantly find Jungkook sipping on his alcohol whilst glaring at you, before throwing his back and bottoming it up. Not only that, even after he slams the glass back on the table he is still giving you the same intent stare. What does he want from you? If he is trying to mess with your mind it is not working—so you faked nonchalance, waiting for the next question, yet your mind is busy thinking about who might be on the receiving end of Jungkook’s feelings while he was in a relationship with his bitch of an ex.

The game goes on for another round, and boy was it a mess. As time goes by, the questions are getting out of hand, until a point you seriously think you need to see your therapist due to how traumatic the questions are. During the game you only drink five glasses, which is still not enough for you—and Seokjin, who apparently has a great alcohol resistance as well. The game ended when Hoseok and Taehyung were hugging each other with two bottles of vodka between them, noisily faking smooches sound to each other.

When Seokjin offers to walk away from the rainsacked table, one of the friends whom you recognize as Yoongi holds him back with a tactful smile. “Hey, Seokjin! I’m bored, Let’s play!”

“Yoongi, I think that’s enough play. I think me and Y/N are just going to talk.” Seokjin calmly refuses, when Jungkook comes to Yoongi's side, resting his arm on the smaller man with his face bright red, looking totally buzzed.

“Ugh, that’s so boring! Why don’t we just play a game!”

You snort when you can smell his breath reeking with booze. No wonders though, he only missed two shots during that godforsaken game. “Jungkook—”

“No! I want to play!” He childishly pouts again. Here goes Jungkook acting like a nine year old whenever he is drunk. You roll your eyes agitatedly. Can he grow up already? “I want to beat you and this boyfriend of yours. Let’s play beer pong!”

“That’s a great idea, Jungkook! I think for the prize the winner can ask the loser for anything.” Yoongi shows his gummy smiles forming a smirk. Seokjin was about to discard the offer when his friend cleverly ignited another fire. “What, you don’t think you can win? Or do you just don’t get the nerves to? Too scared to be beaten down in front of your girlfriend?”

Somehow the conversation is loud enough that it attracts people, and now everyone is wooing the provocative statement from Yoongi. He has been silent throughout the previous game, and you don’t even know why he is so keen about playing beer pong with you and Seokjin. Can’t he just ask someone else instead? But you are assured, since one thing you learned from athletes like Seokjin, he is not easily provoked by such cheap statements. 

“You are on.” He grimaces as you gape, not expecting the sudden plottwist. How can he just approve? Damn him, you seriously do not want anything to do with these frat boys! “But I swear to god if you lose, I am going to force you to kiss this manchild for fucking five minutes in front of everybody.”

“Well that’s not really a punishment if I will enjoy it, but go on.” Jungkook drunkenly shouts, Yoongi palpably shudders beside him. The crowd laughter goes wild, as other freshmen—you seriously really feel bad for them now—sets up the red solo cups on the table. Your head spins in confusion, as you literally have not once played beer pong before. It’s a lost cause, and you are going to be punished by those evil spawns!

“Seokjin, I seriously can’t play for shit!” You hisses in worry while Seokjin smiles as an assurance.

“No worry, Y/N. I am a reigning champion of beer pong is this godforsaken frat. We will surely win.” He holds you by the shoulder. You send a judging gaze to Jungkook as he pretends to look nonchalant, confidently rubbing his palm together. Damn, you really want to smack him in that idiotic drunk ass face of his. What a jerk! You just hope Jin is truly as good as he claims, because if not, you are completely, utterly fucked. And not even a good one.

The first thing you did wrong was to believe Seokjin is just as good as his words, because Yoongi—who you just knew is the captain of the basketball team—completely triumphs him through every shot. And you already in peace with the fact that your aiming skill is the worst thing that could happen to you, so there goes scoring zero. That bastard Jungkook, somehow amidst the drunkenness is able to score a lot as well—probably due to the fact that he also plays football. Now that you think about it, the game itself does not make sense. And not only that you lose, the glasses you shove down your throat are quite a lot, to the point you can finally feel the buzz of alcohol in your spine. Just fucking perfect!

“Yes! We win!” Jungkook gleefully shouts, seeing the last red cup in front of your table has the shiny yellow ball in it. Seokjin sighs in defeat, quickly taking the last glass and drinking it, completely forfeited. You groan, rubbing your aching temple. This is gonna be rough.

“Wow! Do we finally have the winner here?!” Yoongi shouts with mirth, as the crowd woo. “Well, I don’t want to hold you back, let’s cut to the chase, shall we? I am just giving you a taste of your medicine. You can now make out with the bride.” Everyone snickers, and you are too shy to even look at Seokjin. “But we don’t want porn here, so just three minutes?”

“Are you okay with this? I can make him stop.” Seokjin asks calmly, as Yoongi snickers about his friend’s cringey thoughtfulness. Well now that everyone’s looking at you, you ain’t really got any choice, right? So you hesitantly nod as a permission, before Seokjin encloses his lips on you, and all you can sense is the deafening shouts of the crowd.

And Jungkook’s deflated back while exiting the room.

*

Two hours after the last disastrous beer pong and a three-minutes exhibitionist makeout session with Seokjin, you are shocked to still find yourself sitting at the frat party. Seokjin has asked you multiple times if you want to head home, but you refuse, feeding him lies about somehow still enjoying the party. Truthfully, you don’t even know what he is holding you back. You stopped drinking after the game, instead drinking lots of water to avoid a bad hangover in the morning. The party is dull, especially when you are no longer drinking and alone—Seokjin is asked by a few fellow final year friends to join them for a drink outside, so you assure him you’ll be okay staying back. All you do now is keep an eye on your so-called best friend, shoving alcohol down his throat like there’s no tomorrow. There were few girls around him, but the way Jungkook was not having it and instead focusing on the drinks—his nonchalance probably bore them so they fled, locking on other frat boys as targets. It is only Taehyung now with him, who looks just as drunk as he is. Literal dumbasses.

Amongst the loud bass thumping inside the room, your phone vibrates. You quickly excuse yourself from a couple who is now making out beside you—god, you seriously thought the girl was interested in talking to you before, but now she just ignores you while shoving her tongue down the boy’s throat!—and walks out to pick up the call. Against your expectation, it is Jungkook’s brother, Junghyun on the other side of the call..

“Y/N! Y/N, I am so glad you pick up!” Junghyun shouts loudly, sounds greatly relieved after listening to your greetings. You chuckle, realize it has been quite a long time since you heard from him. You desperately need to visit him sometimes, instead of constantly hanging out with his idiot younger brother.

“Hey, do you know where Jungkook is? We actually have to fly to Busan tomorrow morning, so we expect him to be home now. He even brought the car with him!” Junghyun shouts filled with stress, then you scrunch your eyebrow in confusion. He will fly tomorrow morning, so why did he even bother to come to the party? You scoff in disbelief.

“Yes, oppa. I am in the same party with him, but he is not looking real good.” You answer, looking inside the frat house. Well, not that his brother is unaware of Jungkook’s current trait of drinking and partying—not that he supports it—but you just think that he would be more responsible in his choices, and the your disappointment at him is vivid as a day. Making his family worried, all because he just wants to party which he nearly does every week? It’s shallow even for him. “But I’ll get him home now, no worries.”

Junghyung release a relieved sigh. “You’re a lifesaver, thank you!”

After a shot goodbye, you close the call and furiously march inside the frat house, right to Jungkook’s side. He is still drinking, but now looking severely drunk while unreasonably laughing with Taehyung, and now Jimin as an addition. Three drunk guys are never a good combination. “Jungkook, you fucking idiot, let’s go home!” 

With that Taehyung whistle loudly, tapping Jungkook on the back fervently, pepping him. “It’s Y/N! God, finally she is asking you to get something-something!” You scrunch your eyebrows at the drunk ass guy with a reddened face. You are earnestly curious for what booze he is having so you can avoid drinking it forever.

“You want to go home? Let’s go home, babygirl.” Jungkook lowly whispers whilst standing up, but before you can even react to such provocative words, he limps—probably dizzy from consuming too much alcohol. You circle his arms on your shoulder, helping him cause you are certain he is unable to walk on his own now.

Limping to the outside of the house at the best speed you can do, you find his car is parked a few meters from where you both stand. You grumble, swearing that you would keep a tab in every kindness you give to this unthankful moron. 

“Hmm, you smell nice.” Jungkook whispers, the tip of his nose settles on the crook of your neck, brushing it to your skin repetitiously as he hums in delight. All of a sudden you feel like it is hard to breath, your nape hair standing from such impulse. Damn, how can he take so much reaction out of you? It’s totally unfair! “I love your smell, babygirl. I wish I could smell you everyday.”

“Jungkook, I smell like booze, smoke and sweat. And what the fuck is wrong with you!” You hiss, trying to calm your irregular heartbeat. And you can always trust Jungkook to somehow flirt with you in the middle of his drunken antics. “I need to get you home, Jungkook. Don’t make me throw you on the street, okay?”

Listening to your cold answer, Jungkook pouts, his arms fold on his chest. The luring persona he had is now replaced to the childish one, and you can’t believe you have to deal with it now. “You are being a meanie to Jungkook! You have to apologize!”

Boy did he mean it, because he is now refusing to enter the car until you apologize. You sigh in distress — but some part of you do enjoy the cute banter with your drunk best friend. You are definitely going to tease him about this after he is sober.  “Okay! I apologize, Jungkook. I won’t throw you away, and I will get you home safely. Satisfied?” He nods with a foolish smile.

Then you realize that you don’t know where he places his car keys at, so you ignore the warning in your head and search his pockets, trying to disregard that he is wearing tight-ass pants that force you to feel him up somehow. God, you can’t even shake the embarrassment creeping to your cheek. Where the hell is that key?!

“Y/N, do you seriously want to do it here? I want out first time to be in bed, please.” Jungkook politely says, like he did not just imply about sleeping with you — instead asking for a candy. You whimper, greatly embarrassed even if you know it’s only a drunken act. He does not mean it in any way possible, so the flutters inside your heart should stop! You curse yourself, despising how his words are now affecting your wellbeing.

After finding the key in his left back pocket, you open the door to him and he kindly obeys, but you take the chance and purposefully hit him in the head with the door. Serves him right! As Jungkook winces while bearing the physical pain, you gladly saunter to the driver's side, turning on the car and heading it to Jungkook’s address—which you already remember like your own, located not really far from university.

Few minutes pass in silence, so you think Jungkook already fell asleep, when a sudden question is heard and throws you away to shock.

“Do you like kissing Seokjin?”

“What the fuck—” You look at him, thinking he is joking but you find him staring back at you, eyes dead serious while his face is painted with no trace of mirth whatsoever. It sends you jitter and nerves all over your body. “Jungkook, I don’t understand why you are asking that.”

“I just want to know if he is a good kisser or not.”

“He doesn’t need to be a good kisser to make me like kissing him.”

You heard Jungkook’s breath hitched like it’s so hard to believe. “So you like kissing him?”

“That’s beside the point, Jungkook. I am just stating a fact cause your logic is flawed.”

You most definitely underestimated the level of distressfulness in his question when Jungkook literally growls, not liking the mind games you are playing on him. “I’m serious. Do. you. like. kissing. him. or not!”

“I don’t know why you are asking that, since it’s literally you who asks for the fucking beer pong game. Not to mention, it’s you who wants me to bone this guy, Jungkook.” You whisper, reminding him of the day he offers you to come to Hoseok’s birthday party. “That question is weird, I am not answering that.”

“I regret that day, everyday…” You hear him mutter silently while looking outside the window. You quickly warn yourself to avoid overthinking it. It’s unhealthy, and you’ve been here before! Better to turn off your feelings before everything gets messy on your side.

“Why do you even have to be bad at beer pong?! It’s just shooting fucking ball to a cup. How bad can you be to not even score a point?!” Jungkook childishly huffs, and you take a few deep breaths to stop yourself from landing a punch to his devilishly handsome drunk face. What you are going to do is ignore him, like an adult you truly are.

But the silence is too much and you just want to talk to him, hence opening up a new topic. “Jungkook, you know you have to leave for Busan tomorrow. You shouldn’t be partying the day before. Have you even packed?”

Jungkook looks at you and sighs, like he is mentally and physically drained—well, as he should from drinking that much. “How can I, when there’s a chance you are going to the party as well.”

You raise your eyebrow, unsure. “What are you saying?”

Jungkook scoffs in disbelief when grasping how clueless you actually are. “I don’t know what fucking Seokjin has asks you to believe, but I am still your best friend, Y/N.  Since we were kids. I know you like the back of my hand, I know how you hate parties, how you dislike being around strangers, and I know how dangerous it is to be with these frat boys.”

He pauses. “And frankly, I just can’t trust Seokjin. Even with ten years of friendship, I’m still finding new, wonderful things about you and you expect me to trust a fucker who only knows you for a month? Seriously. I only trust myself to be capable of taking care of you.”

The sincerity in his words and gaze, how determined he is with his words seriously blinded your sanity—this part of you trying to assure that what he says is strictly platonic. Your heart is beating so fast it is literally painful to even breath, all the butterflies in your stomach fly without a care in the world. Does he really mean it? Do you even want to know what he means by the words?

The rest of the way passes in tense silence, both of you busy in each of your thoughts, and the car already approaches the street of his house. You sigh, putting on the break when you finally arrive in front of his house lane. “This is it, Jungkook. Go home, get some sleep. Don’t forget to eat some aspirin, and please wake up in time for your flight.”

Jungkook somberly nods, clicking his seatbelt off. You were about to say something, anything about addressing the elephant inside the car—to confirm whether he meant his words, whether he is indeed jealous of the punishment kiss with Seokjin. But then he beats you to it.

“Can I ask you one thing? And please promise me you will answer this.” He stares at you, and you hesitatingly hum as an answer, the tension is hard to miss.

“Answer me truthfully. Do you like kissing him? Seokjin, I mean.”

You sigh, not believing how still hung up Jungkook is on the matter. “Jungkook—”

“I know you like this guy so much, Y/N. I don't even want to ask that. I just want to know if you like the kiss. I wish this guy sucks in kissing, at least let me live with that.”

You look up to him, cheeks turning vermillion as he braves himself to look into your eyes. Your heart swells in pride, thinking how important it is to confirm that to you. God, has he really been this cute before?

“It was okay.” 

Listening to your answer, Jungkook smiles widens from ear to ear, like he is completely over the moon with okay as an answer. “Just okay? Not mind blowing whatsoever?” 

“It was okay.” You repeat, not confirming nor denying his latter question, but Jungkook still looks pleased with just the same answer. The manchild then hums, throwing both his arms around you, enveloping you into a hug so close like he never wants to let go. After a good minute he finally lets go, still with a million-dollar smile on his face and... rests his forehead on yours, closing his eyes as he breathes your scent in. This time, you are definitely sure you are going to schedule a slot with a cardiologist because there must be something wrong with your heart for beating that fast. There must be. And then his eyes flutter open, showing a strained gaze filled with anonymous emotion. 

“Are you going to be mad if I were to kiss you now?”

At Jungkook’s hushed questions, the temptation to taste his lips and comply with his request has you blinded, so you let go of your sanity and approve with a shy nod. The realistic side of you is quickly shut down as you don’t want to argue with it now. All you are thinking and craving about is to kiss him, or else you are going to die.

As his lips advances, the kiss finally happens. You can vividly feel the fireworks light up inside your chest—a strange yet wonderful feeling, the first time you ever feel this away while kissing someone. Jungkook’s lips are soft, touching you slowly like he is testing the waters. After he feels your careful reply, he sends more pressure, slowly but sure savoring your lips like he is taking his dearest time with you. Boy did he taste amazing—like a good whiskey, even if it’s probably all on him. The kiss feels amazing, yet you find yourself getting impatient with how it progresses, since all you can think is to feel him close. God, you must have lost your mind.

“Patience, pumpkin.” He teases, and you can feel a sleazy smile formed on his lips. You snort in annoyance, but he unexpectedly uses it to his advantage, stealthily shoving down his tongue inside your mouth cave. You gasp when the taste of alcohol kicks in, but is content nevertheless. You can’t even describe how good it is to have him close, your fingers entangled in his beautiful oak brown silk hair, his hands tightly encircled on your waist. How did you even think about spending a lifetime without kissing him?

“God, can I have you now? But I hate doing it in the car—I want our first time to be special.” 

Somehow, his desperate words instantly sobers your lust-clouded head, viciously taking you back to reality. So he really thinks of you that easily. And like you are saved by the bell, his brother appears from inside the house, probably realizing that the car has arrived but yet to show his brother—for a bit way too long. You curtly shove him away, heading outside the car before slamming the door vigorously. Of course. Of fucking course that is going to happen! What do you expect? He kisses you once and is finally ready to take your hand in marriage? You should’ve known better than to fall for the same tricks he played on those dumb girls. He even does it while drunk, for god sake. You should’ve known better!

With heavy self-disappointment you quickly open your phone, opening an app to order your ride home. All you want to do is now wail in sadness, and promise yourself to never let that happen again. You are too focused on your plan to flee, so when you feel Jungkook’s touch against your skin, you instinctively flinch. You can see how pained he is to see your reaction closing him off, yet you keep your mouth shut, not wanting to say even a word to him. The more you think about what just happened, the stronger the ache you feel, so you decided to just stop trying. You desperately need some time alone.

“Y/N! You are here. Thank you so much from bringing Jungkook home. This kid never learns, I swear.” Junghyun smiles, nonchalant to the tense air between you and Jungkook. You put up a fake smile of reassurance to the older guy, shrugging his worry.

“Are you going home? I can drive you, just let me take this guy in first.” Junghyun kindly offers, but you quickly recide. How can you do that when just in a few hours they are going to fly to Busan? They are seriously too kind.

“I ordered my taxi, it will arrive soon, oppa. No worries!” You brightly smile, not minding the obvious stares of Jungkook on your skin. You thank your lucky stars after the white taxi of your choice gladfully is near enough, and the blinding light of the taxi car lamp finally allows you to breathe. “It’s here!”

“Hyung, please take the details of the taxi, will you?” 

While entering the taxi you hear Jungkook’s subtle request to his brother, yet you pretend to be clueless, since it is better this way. You can’t. You shouldn’t. You don’t want to mess with the things you have now. You are so conflicted you don’t even know what to do with yourself.

“Text me when you get home.” Jungkook rigidly murmurs and you nod with the same manner. The taxi finally moves, and after a few seconds of total silence, you find the tears you have been holding for a while finally free, raining down on your cheeks.

*

Finally ending the fateful night, you arrive in your apartment and cry yourself to sleep. You feel betrayed, you feel dirty, you feel played and used. You do not know what has gotten into you to seriously think you are special to Jungkook, but that’s definitely not the case since he just caught up in the moment and just needed you to wet his dick. After that, you are going to ruin a ten year old friendship just because you can’t keep your feelings in hand like he can’t keep his dick inside his pants. You should’ve seen it coming—but now the damage is done, there is no use of regretting the things you can’t change. Yet ever since that day you can’t even sleep, eat, study, or basically do anything without thinking about him.

Especially since in the morning he left for Busan, he informed you through a message that he will be there for a week, and after that he needs to talk to you. You haven’t even replied, leaving him only on read even if that’s basically what you are thinking about night and day. What is he going to say? Is he going to reject you? Is he going to say how disgusted he is for that night? Is he going to tell you should not be friends anymore? There are countless scenarios playing in your head, and not even one is as what you wish it would be. Just an endless count of rejection and humiliation.

So the night before he is coming back, you are seated coated in your blanket in your apartment, right in front of your TV even though you don’t even know what show is playing. You are just zoning out, racking your brains for reasons that you need to say to Jungkook to avoid meeting him tomorrow. Do you just pretend you are sick? Or can you bail on him? But thinking about Jungkook, waiting alone in a cafe makes you sad and guilty, so you immediately cancel that last option. God, what are you going to do?

Too invested in your thoughts, you do not notice Lia is just in front of you. You finally acknowledge her presence when after she is now waving a plastic of delicious smelling food in front of your face. “Hey, earth to Y/N!” She calls you again, the agitation builds up for the past week of being ignored by her own roommate.

“Honey, seeing you like this makes me sad.” She sighs, resting the plastic on the desk. “I brought offering food, and with this I hope you can finally tell me what’s wrong.”

You sigh, realizing how annoyed she must be seeing you like this. You have been closed off on her as well, keeping the event from a week ago only for yourself. It just doesn’t feel right talking about it with someone Jungkook admitted he likes… Which suddenly pops an idea inside your brilliant head. God! How can you not think of it before?!

You widely let out an ear-to-ear smile which frankly scares Lia due to the drastic change of mood. But you couldn't care less. You need to do this, to save the remaining pieces of your friendship with Jungkook and give him a helpful hand as well.

“Lia, honey, can you please help me with something?”

*

Jungkook arrives at Gimpo International Airport at 5.40pm, along with his parents and brother. After going back for the wedding of his relatives, every new day he can’t wait to finally be back in Seoul. He is worried as hell about you, since he is aware that he did make a mistake that night—he scares you with his overwhelming feelings, but he promises himself to make things right. He would be crazy to let you go that easily. Jungkook definitely felt something from you that night—there is a glimpse of hope that you somehow like him too, and now he is helplessly hanging on to that rope.

After telling you he needed to see you after he got back, you left him on read for a few days and he had to confess that he was so moody and off during those days, constantly pissing everyone around him. But how can he not? He thought he lost his chance. What if Seokjin took those days to convince you how much better of a man he is than him? What if you had enough of him and dump his ass? Or worse, what if you think you can no longer even be friends? Those thoughts constantly bothered him, but when you message time and place to meet him, he feels comforted. He trusted you—you are much better of a person than what his pessimistic mind forced him to believe.

So when his flight arrives, he directly goes to take the train instead of going with his family’s car, heading to the restaurant you informed. As you informed him about the dinner—7pm reservation, he carefully calculated his ETA. Jungkook is a bit confused due to your choice of place—you don’t really fancy Mexican food, but he pays no heed as what he can only focus is what he is about to say and the gift he thought thoroughly and carefully before, secured on his backpack. Jungkook silently smiles. He is going to make this right.

Exactly an hour arrival, he is now in the area of the restaurant. He quickly hitch a taxi, asking the driver to drive as fast as he can since his plan was to arrive first before you. The hope grows dimmer as seconds pass, especially when his taxi is caught in the middle of a traffic jam. Jungkook groans, there is no hesitation that he will be late. He quickly send you an apology by text, in which you do not even read—adding more anxiety to his already existing one.

After a few minutes which passes like a thousand years, he finally arrives in the said restaurant. He slaps a few bills at the driver, not even waiting for a change as he runs inside, nervously tapping his foot after mentioning your name as a reservation. His heart is beating fast, his palms turn clammy, and he feels jittery all over his body. God, the feeling has already been too long to even remember. But he can’t deny that it indeed feels nice. It feels amazing to care and have real emotions this deeply about someone.

Instead of finding the face he has been thinking of night and days, he finds a completely different woman, sitting nervously on the table. He is too overwhelmed to even speak.

“You—What are you doing here?!”

Jungkook can’t even believe his eyes. It’s Lia, your best friend, sitting on the table right now. All at once, his head spins followed by a sudden nausea bubbling up his throat from the great shock. He has been expecting you—to see your face again waiting for him with a smile, to tell you how much you mean to him, to finally confess and give him a gift he carefully picks out for you—but instead you set him up for dinner with your best friend, without letting either of them know. He feels rejected, a wave of sadness crashing at him that he can only weakly sit down, his legs nearly giving him up. He is now mourning on so-selfless yet so idiotic action you do him.

“God, Y/N asked me for dinner together, and he actually set me up with you? What the fuck?!” Lia flares angrily, taking her phone and fervently dialing up your number. Seeing how ugly it can get, Jungkook takes the phone away, closing the call. “What are you doing?!” She hisses.

“I.. I accidentally lied to her that I like you instead of her when she caught us meeting that morning.” Jungkook whispers, his throat too dry for catching up in the sadness. “And now she is setting us up together.”

“God, it all makes sense now! She actually asked me how I feel about you, and knowing you like her, I put good words. Could it be that she thinks I like you too?” She gasps, but Jungkook is already too numb in the feeling. “God, she is such a moron sometimes!”

“That’s okay. It’s just clear now. I know she does not have any feelings for me, and she might be too afraid to say so. She is probably already with Seokjin now.” Jungkook bitterly whispers, trying to uphold his voice yet it still wound him so fucking bad. Of course that is it. Seokjin is a whole perfect package for a man, not a child with zero emotional capacity like him. He must be drunk to even think about competing with that man.

“No, that's not it..” Lia shakes her head fervently at Jungkook’s helpless posture. “I believe she broke up whatever relationship she had with Seokjin. Don’t tell her you know this from me, but they kinda did it in our apartment hallways a few days ago and I accidentally—well not really accidental but that’s not the point—heard! I thought she was extremely quiet and sad because of that!”

He is confused, he really is, but now he knows the fact, there must be something he has not known yet. “Are you sure?” Jungkook rises up to his seat, strangely motivated. Not that he wants to take advantage of your odd break up with Seokjin for his personal advantage, he just wants to be there for you — like what best friends would do.

“Are you okay if I leave you now?” Jungkook kindly asks, and Lia shoo him away boredly, eyes already skimming on the menu.

“Don’t need no boys helping me eat, but you owe me a lot after this, bro. You get it?” With a nod of confirmation and a short smile, Jungkook quickly heads to the place he knew he would find you.

*

You don’t even know what you are doing, seated in the usual coffee shop you always visit with Jungkook. You have been sitting in the cafe for nearly two hours, munching on the countless foods you order from the menu, yet you can’t hold back the obnoxious, ugly feeling in your chest — especially when the barista is asking where Jungkook is when you ordered your usual. It’s literally on you—you were the one setting up both your best friends who greatly deserve and like each other together, so why is it so painful to face the possibility that they are having a nice date in her favorite Mexican restaurant right now?

Great. Now you are crying. God, you must look hideous, no make up, alone with plates of food in front of you. You can’t even imagine what people must be thinking about you right now, since even you are disgusted with yourself.

“I better go home.” You sigh, ready to pick the bill when a soft bell tingling is heard and you do not know whether you can believe your eyes or not, but it signals Jungkook’s entrance. He is wearing a dark blue sweater you bought him for his birthday a year ago, walking pensively to your table. Just looking at him immediately quickens your heartbeat, too loud you can distinctly hear it rings in your ear. What is happening? Why is he here, not more than an hour in the date? That look—Is he mad at you?

“Y/N, before I am going to be angry at you for setting me up with your best friend, I want to hit pause. Okay?” He calmly speaks, resting his bag on the floor. You look at him with teary eyes, still shocked for only his presence so you hesitantly nod. 

“Are you okay? After Seokjin, I mean. I heard about it.” Jungkook whispers, trying for a slow approach to the said matter. You don’t even know how he knows, yet you don’t really care.  “I’m sorry.”

You finally gather your courage to let out your voice, eyes still training on your lap. “Don’t be. It’s hard, but I’m okay. We just realize it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Do you want a hug?” Jungkook good-naturedly offers like it's the most usual thing to do inside a coffeeshop, and you can’t hold the chuckle which he follows. “We always hug it out whenever we are sad. I don’t know about you, but it always works for me. Your hugs are the best.”

You know he probably does not imply anything, so you nod, because you are desperately in need of your best friend’s hug right now. When everything is hard, it feels nice to have someone who completely understands and is willing to listen, instead of telling you what you need to do. That’s the kind of friendship you have with him, and you are thankful neither of you has given up on each other even with the constant fights.

After a good ten minutes just having each other close in a hug—his arms secured around your shoulder while you lean your head on his annoyingly sturdy chest—you let your best friend go. “God, we must be looking like two moron right now.” You whisper, noticing a few glances are thrown at your table and Jungkook snickers, agreeing with your comment. You snort. “More like because you look like a fucking idol and I look a hobo. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Hey, I just arrived from Busan and I directly come here without even changing.” He pouts and you chuckle, feeling the butterflies vividly knocking on your stomach. He helps you asking for the bill, and when it arrives, he directly gives the waiter his card and you angrily shove him away.

“Jungkook, if you pay for the food you don’t even touch, I swear to god—”

“But it's my turn to pay!” He protests and you roll your eyes.

“It’s not, because you did not even eat a thing.”

He quickly munch on the leftover fries, giving the waiter his card and pushing the confused man away before you can snatch the card back. You hiss, seriously feeling guilty for letting him pay for the whole thing. “God, I am starving! Can I eat this?” He asks, munching on your half eaten pasta without waiting for you. You just stare at him, happily eating your food and you can’t hold down the smile.

“Can I have this coffee too?” He politely asks, pointing at your black coffee and you sigh. 

“Jungkook, once again I tell you, you do not like black coffee. I’ll just order you anything.” You are about to call the waiter again when he holds you back.

“I like everything you like, Y/N. I think this goddamn coffee has grown on me.”

But he is completely bullshitting you—and probably himself because as his lips touch the glass to take a sip, he instinctively grimaces at the strong, bitter taste. Gosh, an idiot and somehow you still call him your best friend.

“Jungkook, do you want me to order you a banana milkshake?” You kindly offer like the coffee thing did just not happen, and he answers with a 1000 watt smile that leaves you strangely speechless.

“My hero.”

After exactly another hour talking about the cousin’s wedding he attended a few days ago, both of you and him exit the coffeeshop. You can’t hide your blush when the barista is secretly teasing you with his goddamn eyebrow, not that Jungkook can notice. God, you wish he doesn’t notice.

“Can we walk to your apartment? Are you okay? it’s a little bit cold.” Jungkook worriedly asks, and you nod as an agreement. He smiles serenely at you, his hand runs to fix your messy hair—courtesy of the wind. His fingers delicately put a strand of lost hair to the back of your ear, and smile with all his bunny teeth on display after being satisfied with the result. God, you wish he would not notice how nervous you are right now.

During the short walk filled with comfortable silence, he reaches your hand, tightly intertwining it with his fingers. All the things he does are not special—you nearly do it every time in your so-called platonic friendship, but everything definitely has changed. But the fuzzy feeling quickly turns into nerves when you sense the inevitable talk is coming, as he points to one of the benches in front of your apartment building.

“I am angry at you.”

You look up to him, expecting anger on his face when you found none, instead a thin smile. “You set me up with your best friend. What were you thinking, Y/N?”

“You said you liked her. And I know you need a push to finally do something about it, that’s why I did it.” You guiltily try to defend yourself. Jungkook sighs, suddenly feeling remorse of what the conversation will turn into.

“But.. I don’t know whether we want to discuss this, but here goes—we kissed that night, Y/N. Does it even mean anything to you?” 

And now it is there. The hurt, the frustration, the anger shown on his beautiful doe eyes. You know it is coming — the inevitable confrontation about that night. But how can he even ask such question to you? Doesn’t he know it nearly keeps you awake every night?

“You were drunk, Jungkook. And horny... I was—we were just caught up in the moment.”

He scoffs in disbelief. “I don’t know about you, but I was not just caught up in the moment.” Jungkook curtly answers, taking a deep breath of courage. He hopes he doesn’t mess up everything and end up chasing you away yet again.

“Can’t you see it, Y/N? I like you. I like you so much for how it seems like a long time ago, but idiot me, somehow I just realize everything now.”

At his answer, your head feels like it is about to explode. But you are too scared, too realistic to even think about the possibility that he may truly mean every word. “You can’t lie to me like that, Jungkook! I am not the girl you can play with like your one night stands. I do not want to be just another number to you.”

“But you're not just another number to me!” He agitatedly hisses, letting his emotions open up on the table. “You think it doesn’t kill me? I think about it nearly everyday. I think about you and Seokjin. I think about you rejecting me. I think about you and our ten years friendship currently on the line. Do you think it has been just a walk in the park for me?”

He takes a deep breath. “I like you, Y/N. I like you so much it kills me for you to close me off that night we kissed. I thought everything was clear—my obvious feelings for you, but just now, you set me up with your best friend. How fucking great!”

The tears welling in your eyes are forcing to come out. “You don’t know how afraid I was, Jungkook. You can’t even imagine how it was for me! I like kissing you—I think I like it a little bit too much—but when you said you wanted to fuck in the car, I felt… I felt disgusted. You were drunk, and I felt like you were just using me for my body, like I’m just another dumb girls who you’ll fuck and never call back. I.. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

The statement you let out just brings a whole new guilt on his chest, and he moves to hold you close. “What were you thinking, Y/N. I would never do that to you…”

“How can I think of that? Are you shitting me right now? Jungkook, you slept with at least three girls a week, and you explicitly told me about fucking these girl nearly everyday before. So you expect me to comply and fuck you in that car, ruining our friendship because you only want to fuck me and wet your dick?!”

“Y/N, I swear it is not that. I like you too much, and I got so jealous of Seokjin—I am sorry that I make you feel that way. But I swear to god, at that time I just wanted to show you how much I like you, and I am sorry if it came out that way.”

You take a deep breath, but even doing it suffocates you. “I just need some time. That’s it. Can we… can we just pretend this never happens?” You sigh tiredly, and at your word, Jungkook feels hit with a ton of brick until he is completely numb. You want to disregard everything that happened?

“I am heading upstairs. You.. you can just head home now.” You whisper, and every word coming out hurts you back like it hurts him, but you need this. You need some time to think about everything. You don’t want to hurt yourself again—just seeing him now hurts so fucking bad already. Jungkook is not emotionally ready for you. He just caught up in the moment of drunkenness, and he doesn’t mean it. You should just stop thinking about it.

You are about to leave to cry your eyes to sleep, when you heard him call from behind.

“Here. I bought this for you. Don’t worry, Y/N.  I’ll leave.”

And you can hear the steps of his boots, walking far and far away until it disappears in the  silence. Now that he is not here, you find the wind is ten times colder, and the pain in your chest multiplies a thousand times. It’s only you now, alone with your thoughts. You brave yourself to turn back, seeing a box of chocolate resting on the bench, which then leaves you a crying mess.

It’s the exact chocolate he gave ten years ago to the girls, the one you ate when you saved him from the humiliation he faced. How could he even get this?

To : Y/N

Thank you for saving me again that day. And the day after. And the day after, until today. I owe you my life :)

With love, your vermillion faced favorite person in the world.

Jeon Jungkook.

*

Another week passes, and Jungkook wakes up with a groan inside of his room he shared with Taehyung. God was he trashed last night. His frat was having another party, and he may or may not steal a few bottles and decided to trash himself whilst playing Overwatch—he can’t even remember when or how. His back is killing him for falling asleep with bent back, his face plastered on the keyboard.

He tries to straighten up, but the dizziness from suddenly standing up washes him away that it takes some time to get used to. His lips are as dry as sahara, yet he found no bottle of water that may relieve the thirst—seriously, Jungkook? Stealing two bottles of vodka but forgot to bring up a bottle of water? God he is a moron sometimes.

He walks out of the room, descending to the downstairs with his head still banging painfully due to the bad hangover. He is about to head directly straight to the kitchen, but his steps are paused when he finds Seokjin currently having his breakfast on the table, with… you.

The first thought that comes to his mind is how different you look—you look pale and tired, the dark eyebags are getting prominent and it does look like you haven’t been sleeping well. The thoughts finally come closing when he realizes how awkward the air has become, you, Seokjin and himself on such close distance. Jungkook can’t bear the bitter thoughts of you, having your usual breakfast with Seokjin. God, he must be a bother—so he quickly enters the kitchen, intends to grab a drink and forces himself out of the picture.

“Jung—Jungkook, can we talk? Outside, I mean. I want to tell you something.”

He looks back, not expecting to find you standing up and walking to him to the kitchen. 

“We can. Do we need Seokjin to join as well?” He bitterly shoves the water inside his throat, not even minding how petty he must have sounded. 

“No. No need. I need to talk to you alone.” You beg, internally praying that Jungkook will not make it harder than it already is. All you want to do is say what you needed to say, then run away and bury yourself alive beside the nearest tree. 

Jungkook hums, and follows your hesitant step to the backyard of his frat house. But now that he is seeing you in such close distance, makes him realize that he terribly misses seeing you and talking to you. The week after the confession he let out, he decides to give you the space you deserve—no matter how desperate he is to just send you a message and ask how you’re doing. He can’t even deny that he went to your faculty a few times before, wanting to just see how you are doing even from afar. He knows how cringey and creepy that thought is, but he seriously can’t stand the idea of not having to see your face during those times. Checking up on you is like something he has been doing for ten years now, and he doesn’t intend to stop just because you need your own space.

Now you are standing with him, yet he thoughtfully motion so you can sit on the patio wall. The first touch he gave you since the last encounter, and it successfully turns you ten times nervous than you already are. Will you even be able to say what you need to say when he is right there, looking at you like that?

“Before you say anything, can I ask why are you having breakfast with Seokjin?” He starts, somehow unable to disregard the scene he just witnesses. He doesn’t know why, but he feels somehow sad and anxious that you are spending such an intimate breakfast with him. Sensing that Jungkook is indeed dead serious, and so are you, you decide not to beat around the bush and answer him with the truth.

“It’s nothing. I just wanted to see you and he was there, having his breakfast. He was just being polite.” 

“Jungkook, I want to say I am sorry.” You whisper directly and cut to the chase, intending to look him in the eyes but still failing to do so. All because you are nothing but a nervous pile of mess. “I.. I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t set you up with Lia just because of my insecurities. I thought I was doing you some good, but that was my fault to overstep it. And I shouldn’t have been angry at the thoughts that you were just playing with me—it’s only in my head and I accused you for it. It’s so unfair for you, I.. I want to apologize.”

Both of you fall into deep and tense silence, waiting for the other to speak up. But falling too uncomfortable with the silence, you decide to open your voice again. “Aren’t you going to say anything? Are you still angry at me?”

“Shouldn’t you apologize for one more thing?” Jungkook calmly asks, basking in your appearance once again like it’s never enough. God, are you even eating well? You hesitantly look up, confused with his words. What does he mean by that?

“The way you expect us to forget everything happened.” He winces soundly just by saying the word he refuses to acknowledge since the moment he heard it. Just thinking about the word you said a few nights back still brings fresh pain inside his chest. “That’s actually what hurts me the most. I don’t really care about the other.” You bit your lower lips. Is it just your hallucination or Jungkook seriously asking that?

Jungkook racks his brain, trying to articulate his thoughts yet failing to do so. Then he gives up, letting his heart do the talking instead. “I like you, Y/N. I don’t want to scare you—but I might even be in love with you. These past few years are so clear now. I like you, I always have feelings for you but it was so clouded with any friendly, somehow platonic feelings I thought I have and I don’t know—what happened with us just awakened me, making me realize  that I don’t want anyone else but me to be the one taking care of you.”

The newfound sincerity in his words astonishes you. Your breath hitches, with his words coming in and out of your mind, yet it still feels unsettled. Does he really mean it? 

“I guess I was just too busy with myself, with my own ways of hiding the pain I felt. But I realize, it was not any parties, or meaningless sex or any other things that makes me happy. I thought it was, but it’s not.” Jungkook takes your chin, pleading for you to look up to him. You are too overwhelmed by emotion, and you are thankful he asked you to sit because if you weren’t, your leg would give you away.

“It’s you. It’s always you.” He proclaims, as clear as the sky upon him. “It’s breakfast with you, talking with you everyday, seeing you be happy and be the one causing it. That’s what makes me happy.”

At such sentiment, the tears swimming in the corner of your eyes finally falls, streaming on the side of your cheek. He quickly pulls you close, his head entangles on your hair and your hands basked on his waist tightly, like you are holding it for dear life.  “Jungkook, I am scared. I don’t want to lose you... What if everything goes wrong and then I lost you forever?”

Jungkook kisses the top of your head. God, he is scared beyond words too. But he loves you too much, he believes in what you both have and is ready to take his chances. “We’ll make it through. I can’t promise you much, but I promise I’ll always look out for our best interests. You won’t lose me. I am your best friend before anything, Y/N.”

You nod, somehow assured by his words. You know it’s going to be hard to believe—even your past self would too, but you trust him with all your heart. Jungkook has been one constant thing in your life, and you trust him and are willing to put everything on the line because frankly, you love him, and he loves you. Maybe it’s time to finally be brave enough to face anything and take that risk. Only because it is him.

Another moment of holding each other close when Jungkook fucking opened his mouth and decided to ruin everything. “So.. Can I kiss you now?” He jokingly whispers and you snort, all sappy moments crumbling down to ashes. An amused chuckle somehow did escape your lips, and he pouts. “Hey, let me kiss you, you pretty girl. Seriously, I kissed you once, and god, that’s all I can think of this past week.”

You roll your eyes, heart beating rapidly fast in your chest. You are going to shrug his face away from you, but the moment you can clearly look up to him, you feel warm and giddy. His face is saying everything, shaded vermillion red while shyly looking down on you. A flashback comes inside your head, reminding you about the eleven year old kid with the same shade of vermillion on his face. He is still the same Jungkook you know—the Jungkook you love and wouldn’t trade for anything in the whole world.

His lips advance closer to yours yet you are the one to close the distance between. To have your lips finally touch against his chapped one, you can feel the same firework lights up, only ten times better now that you finally is truthful to your own feeling. God does it feel amazing to feel it to have him against your lips. Both of you are too content with even such innocent kisses, feeling the smile forming in each of your lips, inevitably bringing up a laughter.

“Fucking finally!”

At the loud roar, you quickly push Jungkook until he falls a few steps back, completely shocked beyond words to hear the shouts behind you—which belongs to Taehyung, somehow with Lia shutting him instantly on the mouth. There are few other frat brothers like Jimin and Namjoon as well, smiling meaningfully in front of the door. You shyly duck your head, god, how long have they been standing there? This is embarrassing!

“Are you going to hit them or should I?” You whisper, walking outside from the back door with Jungkook on your side, escaping the loud shouts and woo from the people standing there. Jungkook chuckles with mirth at your reddened abashed face. Is it a good time for him to say how adorable you are right now, with a burst of red coloring your cheek?

“No worries, I will.” He kisses your supple cheek. “But objectively speaking, I do think Lia has rights for that. She is the one helping me to get you since god-knows-when.” Jungkook smiles endearingly, holding you close around the shoulder when it’s finally just the two of you, brushing a kiss on the top of your head. You chuckle knowingly, and Jungkook stops to see you straight on the eye.

“Aren’t you going to ask me when, why or how? I mean about the chasing you thing with Lia.” He asks seriously, yet apparently can’t get his hands far from you as he reaches for your cheek, softly brushing it delicately with his fingers. You hum, somehow content with his touches. God, you sure like him so much it hurts.

“Baby—you’re cute. But actually it’s Lia who convinces me about you.” You chuckle, and Jungkook scrunch his eyebrows, yet still falling shy at the nickname that sounds entirely different now that you are the one saying it to him. “She told me everything. And that’s actually when I realize that I can trust you. With all my heart.”

Jungkook smiles, heart turning warm from your statement and still, the endearing nickname. “On the light note, you called me your baby. Ugh, can I kiss you again, pumpkin?” He cheekily asks, and your hearts light up at the familiar yet so strange nickname that now it feels different to have him as your lover.

You smirks, holding his palm against your cheek, taking in his disheveled, morning appearance once again. He looks extensively cute with his button nose and reddened cheeks, his disheveled morning hair still super inviting to have your fingers running through it. And it is unfair that somehow he looks his best now, better than anything you have seen him before. High chance it is because for you, the best thing for Jungkook to wear is his smile—especially when it’s because of you.

“Not if you have to ask again every time you don’t.”

He smirks and pulls you by the nape, muttering an answer against your smiling lips. He seriously wouldn’t mind doing this every second of the day.

“Deal.”

========

Finally! nearing 25k, wow this is a lot to write. But it was so much fun and i hope you like it! let me know and lets talk :) kindly check my masterlist !

UPDATE #1 : Drabble posted on masterlist! Do check lovelies! <3

UPDATE #2 : Find the Taehyung spinoff, “The Platinum Rules” click here!

[anxiousnerdwritings]

hello!can i can some headcannons about romantic yandere bruce wayne (from gotham) with a shy soft intern that’s very socially akward? bonus points if she is related to jeremiah/jerome.

Yandere Gotham Bruce Wayne x Intern!Reader

When Bruce first hired you it was solely based on your experience and background and maybe a little based off looks, but mostly your resume. Before he even sat you down for your interview he knew you would be on the quieter side. You tried your best to keep eye contact but only for a short while and you were so soft spoken he just thought you were adorable.

Now he wasn't the only one there for your interview. The panel consisted of a few other higher ups who all worked under Bruce. Even though your resume and experience were superb, they didn't thing you would be a good fit personality wise. They believed you would just fade into the background and they needed more people who could hold there own, but Bruce was adamant about hiring and so began your job at Wayne Enterprises.

You were very grateful towards Bruce for taking you on as his intern and you made sure to voice that to him when the two of you were alone. Interning for Bruce isn't too bad, shadowing him and taking notes of how he goes about business isn't as troubling or hard as you though it would be. You're already good at keeping to yourself that most of the people would forget yuh ou were there but not Bruce, his eyes would often find their way to you.

As the two of you work along together more, Bruce will fall deeper and deeper in love with you leading him to an unhealthy obsession focused just on you. You'll be none the wisee to his behavior, writing it off as your boss trying to be more personable and get to know you better. You're still very much shy and awkward around others and Bruce can't help but find that both cute and something to take advantage of.

Due to the two of you being closer, Bruce will offer to have you work with fewer people so you can be more comfortable. You're appreciative but decline, deciding that it's something you need to work through. And Bruce is understanding and a little bummed to not have you spend more time with him, but he'll keep that to himself.

The more comfortable you become with Bruce the more he'll try to court you, but he will abide by your boundaries for now. He's understanding and will take things slow, all the while you're still unaware of both his affection and obsession. You just think Bruce is trying to befriend you and to some degree he his, but he has a bigger end goal in mind for the future. As long as the two of you continue to work together and you keep being comfortable with him, then Bruce can wait awhile longer to make a move. Nothing is rushing or pushing him to his limits, yet.

But one day as Bruce is going through your personal background just to learn more about you, he comes across something that leads him to finding out about your family tree. He's shocked and a little betrayed to find out that you're related to Jerome and Jerimiah being a cousin of their's. He even comes across old newspaper articles with pictures of you and both the boys while working at the circus. Bruce couldn't believe his eyes, wee you trying to get revenge on him? No, that couldn't. You're not that type of person. But Bruce can't take any chances at being betrayed or lied to anymore, he has to confront about but he fears the truth.

After some time, Bruce decides that whatever he finds out when confronting you, it won't deter his affections and keep him from loving you. If you are on Jerome or Jeremiah's side he'll just take you and reform you. If you're on the side of trying to leave that part of you behind then he'll help you along the way. Either way he's not losing you especially because of Jerome and Jeremiah, he won't lose anyone he holds dear again.

The day he confronts you, you at first don't understand what's going on, but Bruce keeps his stern demeanor in check. He has you lock the door behind you and goes in on interrogating you. Once he brings up Jerome and Jeremiah, you breakdown. You go on and on, through tears, about how horrible it was being a part of the circus, how you and the boys were so close but they just got so hard to bare. You didn't know when they or at least Jerome would make you his next target for his twisted jokes. All you wanted was to get away and have a better life for yourself, you didn't want to end up like either of them. You even apologize to Bruce for what they put him and Gotham Cuty through.

Bruce is taken aback, he didn't even realize that you may have been tormented by them yourself. He feels guilty and ashamed for assuming things but he had his reasons. Bruce will apologize and comfort you, even planning on excusing the both of you from work so he can make it up to you. He's definitely going to kick himself for not thinking more about you individually and just putting you with those two loons. He'll do everything to get the both of you back to a comfortable place together and he'll promise not to bring up your past again. Now whether you were telling the truth or not, doesn't really matter because you have Bruce wrapped tight around your little finger and he won't even bat an eye at it.

[yan-twst]

hey there! i love your work! can i request the dorm leaders + their darling dying? particularly if it was due to an accident, the dorm leader’s own actions/punishments, or even (if you’re comfortable writing about the topic) by their own hand? thank you! 💞 i hope you’re doing well ~

warnings: this is just dark like very dark and messed up! mentions of death, violence, abuse, blood, self harm- like, everything like that is here. on top of that general yandere warnings. this one is heavy on violence and abuse so please be careful when reading if this could affect you! (-｡-;) also lots of mentions of stuff that could be potentially triggering to people with eating disorders!

riddle rosehearts

he didn't mean to. that's all he can think of as he watches his darling lay on the floor of his room, blood slowly pooling under them. he's shaking and hyperventilating- no he didn't mean to he didn't mean to hedidn'tmeantohedidn'tmeanto-

he feels like throwing up as he backs away. it was over so quickly- he just didn't mean to get so angry, but he did, and all it took was one swing of his staff against his darling's head and a sickening crack and now they're- they're-

he forces himself to search for a pulse, but his hands are shaking too hard. his darling can't die, this can't be real; he wouldn't ever hurt them badly...! but their body is slowly growing cold under his hands, and he's feeling sicker and sicker by the second

he wishes he could just die in their place- what did he do? when trey finds him sobbing over his darling's body, the third year assumes that riddle's darling collapsed and hit their head; riddle is too shaken to deny this. everyone in heartslabyul believed that his relationship was perfect, nobody would suspect he'd been the one to deliver the final blow: and it makes him sick

he stops eating, stops attending classes, and lets himself slowly waste away in his bed. it's bad enough that crowley considers sending him home, but trey quickly objects: the last thing riddle needs is his mother's treatment... everyone tries to help him cope, help him move on, but he just doesn't get better. he doesn't want to get better, not when the guilt is eating him alive.

he feels like his darling is watching him, even after their death. it's like a punch in the gut, thinking of all he did: he was a kidnapper and a manipulator and an abuser and he killed them, he killed his lover who he kept by his side by force- the thoughts make him even sicker. he's slowly wasting away, refusing food and water...

the only way to save him at this point would be a spell to make him forget his darling ever existed... and his friends are so desperate to at least save him- thinking that he's just a mourning lover who lost his beloved too quickly- that it's not too unreasonable to expect them to do so.

leona kingscholar

those close to him knew he didn't mind getting a bit... rough, with his beloved. whether it was the servants back at home, or ruggie who didn't want to get on leona's bad side, nobody interfered: after all, they always claimed they were fine and happy with leona! ... though most of the times leona was keeping a tight grip on theis shoulder as they spoke those words

it's nobody's shock when a mysterious deep scratch becomes seriously infected on them. both leona and his darling deny that he was the one who caused it- but... well, it's clear to those who knew of how violent leona could be when unhappy with his darling that he was the only possible culprit.

the fact leona has terrified his darling into complete submission and obedience now shows its deadly side, as it turns out they'd been hiding the highly infected scratch from him in fear of repercussions, and when medics have a look at it, his darling is at death's door. he barely has time to process what's happening, before his feverish darling just... passes away in their sleep, with no chance to even call a magic healer who could have helped

nobody has seek leona in worse shape before. he doesn't even attend the funeral, and he doesn't let anyone (not even ruggie) get near him- he appears like a feral beast, destroying anyone and anything that crosses his path. his mourning is destructive, and it doesn't take long for him to be called back home before he turns the whole savanaclaw dorm to sand

he's inconsolable, and he doesn't let anyone near. he knew very well that what he was doing to his darling- keeping them under his control by taking advantage of their fear, forcing them to play the part of the "happy lover" despite them being terrified of him- was wrong, but in the end, he loved them more than anything.

and in their own way, he knew they loved him: even when they had the chance, they never begged his brother or crowley for help... almost as if they believed he could change for the better. but he didn't, he essentially killed them.

he'll just isolate himself. go somewhere far away where he can misserably live the rest of his days alone. all he does is sleep and mourn, hunting to feel relief from his pain in the form of violence- but even then... he's just never coming back from this

azul ashengrotto

he just wanted to teach them a lesson. once again his darling had tried to escape him, to escape his love, even though they'd sworn to stay with him- even though they'd signed a contract promising to stay- so he'd punished them accordingly. after a painful, near-drowning dip in the freezing cold ocean, he'd just left them in the bathroom to cry and beg for mercy... but when he came back less than a day later, they were just... dead on the ground

hypothermia. his darling's blue fingers, their huddled up form as they tried to preserve heat in their last moments: he feels himself grow lightheaded and tears blur his vision as he picks up their cold, lifeless corpse. how...? it's too late when he notices the place where he left them: there's no towels, no hot water, and the temperature is cold. the fact his darling was just violently dragged around the freezing cold waters before- the fact they were already weak from being kept in captivity...

the twins arrive immediately when they hear azul's screams and wails coming from the bath. there's not even a chance to ask what happened: he's crying, sobbing as he apologises to his darling's cold, damp corpse. the eels quickly realize what's happening- and though upset, jade immediately volunteers to hide the corpse. they have to, or else they're all in serious trouble. floyd has to pretty much tear the corpse out of azul's grip.

azul feels like shit, he wishes he'd died in their place- but he doesn't want to be imprisoned. he didn't mean to- how could he ever want the person most important for him to die?! the general student body interprets his mourning and guilt as the reaction to his darling "mysteriously going mising"- each time someone tells him they hope that his beloved is found soon, he wishes he could just die on the spot

he doesn't have a will to take care of himself or the lounge anymore- all his duties fall onto Jade. watch what he eats? who cares- not him. he swings from eating whatever he wants to try and fill the void in his heart to going days on end without even leaving his bed- it's unhealthy and it's worrying, but... what can he do? he killed his darling, left them to die alone- he deserves nothing.

kalim al-asim

it's everything he feared, happening at once. just one time- one time- he takes his darling out to eat because they've been behaving so well and it's their anniversary- and they look so happy to be out of their chains and out of their room! and then- and then they take a bite of their food and it's nearly inmediate, they collapse and cough, and then it's over.

he should've known better. he HAD to know better. hadn't he been telling his darling the reason why they had to stay locked inside was for their safety? hadn't he promised he wouldn't allow them to be harmed? this- this had happened before with jamil, but jamil had lived. his darling died.

his guilt and pain are immeasurable. he cries during the funeral, loud enough that even his own family feels like they can't approach him. even jamil can't help but feel bad- even knowing all what kalim did to his darling. it's like the spark inside of him was extinguished, all his joy snuffed out

he commissions paintings and works of art of his late darling to an almost terrifying degree. he needs to keep them around, to keep something that makes him feel like they aren't gone, but everytime he gazes at the expensive oil paintings of his darling, he's crushed by pain and becomes as inconsolable as the day they died

there's no more parties. how could he possibly throw a party- no, how could he possibly dare search for happiness knowing what happened? he feels like he doesn't deserve comfort or joy. he turns down all of his friends and family's attempts to help. he feels like hurting and being misserable is the only way to make it up to his darling, even in death

he'll pretend to move on, for everyone's sake- it's painfully obvious he's faking his happiness, but... nobody knows what to do to help, so they just accept his poor acting. nobody brings up how he sleeps cuddled with golden chains (that only jamil knows were the ones used to keep his darling in their room), or how he keeps all his darling's belongings untouched like if they could return any day- in the same way nobody, not even jamil, acts like they notice the scars that appear on his skin, which was once unmarked.

vil schoenheit

he knew that using so much love potion had to have... some negative side effect. however, he saw it as a necessary side effect; his darling was just lost and needed a bit of help to love him! besides, he himself brewed the potion with the highest quality ingredients, and sure it was worrying that his darling was becoming resistant and needed larger and larger doses each time, but he never expected them to just... drop dead when he gave them their morning's dose of potion.

love potion overdose- now that was a way to die that didn't appear in any textbook. vil wouldn't be able to process the events: his darling just fainted, right? how silly! he'll just- he'll just tuck them into bed, they need beauty sleep, and he'll... and then he'll...

when he finally feels his darling's cold body, with no heartbeat as he places a hand on their chest, it feels like the world is falling around him. how was he supposed to know this could happen?! he tries as many healing and health potions as he can, but... in the end, he specializes in poisons, and his darling is already dead. it's merely a fool's errand

he cries. he crie and cries- how dare his darling die?! how dare they abandon him?! he wails until his eyes are red and puffy, until his makeup is ruined. he doesn't know what to do; he doesn't want anyone to see his darling like this. soon enough death will take its toll on their beauty- the thought makes him feel even worse.

just like how the dwarves in the ancient legend preserved the princes's body in a clear casket to admire her beauty even after death, vil will do exactly that. finding a spell to preserve his darling's body is exhausting, and he risks his own skin by losing sleep and stressing over it (he's running against the clock and he knows it. he has to hurry, before his darling's beauty fades), but he's successful

he keeps his darling- a corpse that won't decompose, their body cold but skin as soft as when they lived- in a glass casket in his room. everyday, he carefully does their makeup and dresses them up, still making them go through his skincare routine even after death. in all honesty, the routine is what manages to keep him from losing his mind; he doesn't see how misserable he is, desperately taking care of a corpse.

he has to work harder on his makeup now. no matter how much he tries, he can barely sleep: he tries so hard to push back the thoughts that plague his mind (the thoughts that tell him if he'd been a better lover his darling would be alive, that if he'd been better his darling would have loved him without the need of a potion, that he was the one harming them from the very start whenever he knowingly destroyed their self esteem so he could manipulate them with more ease)- everyone bites back comments in fear of invoking his anger, but... it's visible, how much he's suffering.

idia shroud

is this the gods' punnishment for his actions? does he just deserve nothing in life? he holds his darling's lifeless corpse in his hands and wails. he doesn't even know how they died- was it just too much? the isolation, the stress... he thought he was doing a good job at caring for them, but clearly he wasn't, was he?

he'll rebuild them- he'll bring them back. he doesn't care how unethical it is- he has to get his darling back. what were all his efforts up until now for? stalking, kidnapping his darling; was he truly about to throw away all that work? he wasn't- not at all

he tries his best to keep ortho in the darl about the truth. no, no- his darling is just... taking a nap. yes, a special nap, suspended in a mysterious blue fluid in a large tube in idia's room- just... a nap... of course the younger shroud doesn't believe this, but even the child can see the pain in idia's eyes and doesn't question further

it's because of ortho's concerns that idia doesn't spiral into absolute missery: otherwise, he doesn't even know if he'd have the will to keep living without his darling. the younger one cheers him on, telling him that he'll absolutely succeed! ... even if idia has low hopes on actually managing to artificially revive his darling, his brother's words keep him going

he takes to talking to his darling's corpse, suspended and preserved in the tube. he'll save them soon. he'll make it so they can walk around his room again- he even promises to let them go out if he just manages to finish the work- he just has to work harder. he needs to work more.

he has no clue how long it'll take him, or if he'll even succeed. but he has to keep going. there's only two things keeping him alive- ortho, and the need to hold his darling again. he needs them. he has to get them back.

malleus draconia

there's always a level of risk when applying a sleeping curse, of course. he knows this very well, but he trusts his magic. he knows he's good at what he does; so why has his darling's heart stopped beating...?

he'd grown so used to simply casting the spell when he went to class and undoing it when he returned, he almost missed the change and left for class. but he did notice- when he cast the spell, instead of falling into a peaceful sleep... his darling seemeed to jerk awake for a second, then close their eyes: and after that, he couldn't see the rise and fall of their chest. a nervous hand pressed against their chest, and found no heartbeat

he's lost and scared. suddenly, he doesn't feel like Malleus Draconia, ruler of the dark fae- suddenly he feels like he's a little baby again, crying because he's scared of thunder. all he can do is fall back in shock and call for lilia- please. please come help him. he made a mistake.

lilia can comprehend very well what happened. the sleeping spell failed- perhaps malleus' darling was too frail, their constitution worsened by the constant sleep and captivity. there's nothing the ancient fae can do: once death has taken a human, they're gone. all he can do is hug malleus, to try and comfort him like he used to when the dark fae was a child.

malleus knew that humans had short lifespans. lilia had warned him about this, about the pain human lovers would bring; that was one of the reasons why he'd brought his darling to his dorm and forbidden them from leaving, so he could do the most with the time they had. and yet- even for a human, this was too soon. far too soon. how could life be so cruel? how could he lose the one person who understood him and loved him? perhaps everyone was right to steer away from him. perhaps he did just bring misfortune wherever he went

lilia, silver, and sebek can only watch as malleus becomes lonelier than ever. the dark fae has rarely mourned before- and even though lilia is trying his best to guide the young lord through the process of grieving, malleus is just not taking it well at all. he killed his beloved- as much as his dormmates try to convince him it was a freak accident, that he had no hand in it, he knows better. perhaps what hurts him the most is his darling's peaceful face after they passed- they never held such an expression around him, not since he took them captive... were they so happy to have escaped him, even if it meant death?

[wandering-hearts-and-a-crow]

.patience

...i have no excuse for this, i just really like epel a little too much and i don’t see enough content for him;;;; could be because it’s buried in my feed and shit tho. anyway, let’s have him take his insrurites out on our poor reader. all characters are presented as 18+. 

reader is dfab for this;;;

title: patience

pairing: yandere!third-year!epel felmierxthird year!reader

fandom: twisted wonderland

tw: yandere content, toxic/unhealthy relationships, vague nsfw content, non-consensual drugging, noncon/dubcon(maybe?)

It started out as a game, to see who would back out first. It was a joke. As far as you’d known, anyway. 

What started out as a simple pocky game now ended up with you pinned to your bed, lungs pleading for air as Epel held you down, near effortlessly. Having lived on a farm, it did make sense he was stronger than he looked, but you didn't expect the grip on your wrists to be bruising. He was still kissing you, clumsily but slowly. He was much better than he should have been at this. He smirked triumphantly as he pulled himself back.

“I might be pretty, but I’m still a man.” 

He looked proud of the panting mess that he’d left you as he hovered over your form, wasting no time in harmlessly but firmly tying your wrists together before then securing them above your head. You assumed your restraints were attached to the headboard. You hardly had the air or strength to fight him while he did so. He may have been panting, too, but it was to nowhere near the same degree as you. 

He then sat up and looked at the door, before getting off of you entirely. He got off of the bed and surveyed the room, before locking the door and returning to sit on the bed beside you. He seemed to smile fondly down at you, but something was off about the look in his eyes. 

“So, what’s my reward for winning, (y/n)?” “Wh..wha?”

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll just pick the reward I want and take it.” 

He seemed almost docile as he laid on his side. He’d grown since his first year(though not much), but he was still probably more beautiful than most women. He blinked at you through long, lilac lashes as he brushed his fingers across your cheek with a smirk. 

“E-epel, I was k-kidding ear..earlier. Ple... please untie me and we can talk something out,” you mumbled, feeling a bit of discomfort settling in your abdomen. He resembled some sort of mix of both Vil and Leona from your first year at NRC. He seemed lazy, but was a hardworking and hardheaded person. Things he tried and did? He excelled at. You kind of admired that, and his drive.

You were the person he hung out with most often, often taking advantage of his looks to pull you away from the rest of your band of friends. He would often use his pretty face and sharp tongue to frustrate everyone else while at least holding onto your arm. You could swear that you heard him and Jack in more than a couple arguments, using hushed tones and murmured threats. 

However, aside his clinginess, you thought he only had platonic feelings for you, even after finding out you were, biologically speaking, female. He’d been distant for a few months after that, seeming to be Vil’s shadow before the former Pomefiore dorm head graduated. Then he started acting normal again. 

Well, as normal as he could get, after that. 

Your momentary drift, trying to sort out if you noticed any attraction to you prior, was interrupted as you felt him undo the button and zipper on your (pants/skirt), pulling the article of clothing down your legs. He was already hovering over you again, and any protests fell on deaf ears, and using your legs was of little use when he had almost no trouble moving them any way he wanted. It hardly occurred that you may have been drugged, not until you started to feel your body begin to heat up, and become sensitive.

“You said the winner would get any firsts of the loser they wanted, babe. You’re gonna take that back now?”

Your hazy brain hardly registered Epel’s voice as he laughed, but you knew exactly where his hands were. You whined softly as he cupped your sex through your underwear, running a finger over your slit atop the thin fabric. He was doing it slow on purpose, more than likely trying to drive you into begging for more. It was working, more or less, as the only thing stopping you from rubbing your thighs together was him and his lean body. 

You didn’t want to ask for anything, but you knew that he wouldn’t help you out of this predicament. Looking at him didn’t help. He was half positioned over you, holding your legs open at least partway. The young, beautiful man was just watching your expressions with a mildly smug look on his face. He showed no indication of trying to progress further

“F-fine... b-be gentle, whatever y-you’re gonna do, ok-okay?” you relented, already regretting your acceptance. However, you didn't have much time to think after that, not with how quickly and easily his fingers slipped inside of you. He increased his pace in increments, just watching you tug at your restraints and writhe. He very much liked hearing your moans and whimpers. He still looked smug, and watched as you slowly were brought closer and closer to the edge by his hand. And right as you reached that precipice, he stopped touching you entirely.

You’d stopped looking at him ages ago, eyes closed while he had played you like a finely tuned instrument. He really was good with his hands. Now, your eyes snapped open as you heard shuffling, and the rustling of fabric. You could only peer helplessly up at him. There wasn't enough of whatever had been clouding your mind to dampen the feeling of dread that crawled up your spine.

“Be a good girl for me,” Epel smiled gently for the first time that evening, pressing an almost chaste kiss to your lips. You could feel his erection pressing up against you, and his hands cupping your face. “I don’t want to hurt you...much more than necessary, anyway.”

You didn’t hear those last words. 

And you hoped you could try to match Epel.

[spaced0lphin]

For the salty asks... Unpopular opinion about Joker? (I am fascinated by your take on him!)

Ooh. Interesting. Hmm. To be honest, I think some of my core ideas about him are unpopular, after a certain sense. (Such as that I have seen him as always harbouring a deep and powerful romantic affection for Shepard that he keeps to himself.) "I never considered you an option, no offense" is equal parts lie and truth, from different perspectives. I guess, a fairly contentious idea I have about him is that, deep down in his very core, he's fundamentally not happy; I see him as a lot more lonely and sullen internally than he presents himself as. He's "held back," at kind of a remove from people, for a few different reasons (all of which are in his own head) but also because in combination with that, he's just kind of introverted too, I guess? His laissez-faire snark is part of who he is, but I've always seen that as a front. I'm sure that goes against the grain for some. (This isn't to say that I think he's secretly nothing but a miserable person or anything, far from it, but I think there's a lot going on under all that.) As kind of a result of this, I suppose it's my interpretation that Joker has stunted interpersonal social skills in some areas, which reinforces his loner-ish behaviour but directly conflicts with the fact that he's kind of lonely. He's driven both to seek company, and driven to reject it at the same time. I don't know if it's unpopular per sé, but on the spicier side of things I see him as being a real voyeur. I think he's a pretty permissive, kinky person who understands a lot of kink on a psychological level. He could be into a lot of things is what I'm saying, and as judgemental as he can be I don't think he would be about that! Because of my interpretation of him as being physically inexperienced, but mentally very not... I feel like some of his views of intimacy and personal boundaries are sometimes a little warped, and honestly, unhealthy to some degree. (I wrote in my big-massive character analysis post of him that I feel as though he used to spy on Shepard and crew members literally all the goddamn time, with the cameras and in-helmet communicators and stuff, and got to know them all parasocially for a while before he felt safe enough to try and actually get to know them properly.) Whilst I feel like his reasonings behind that add up and make logical sense, it's also a kinda fucked up thing to do, and I don't think he's really aware of to what extent it is. I think he feels sheepish about it, he knows it's mischievous, but also... I think he kind of feels entitled to giving himself an advantage. He's very sure that his invasion of their privacy isn't hurting them, 'so it's OK.' I'm sure some people interpret his detailed opinions of crewmembers as having come from talking to them, but I think they came from watching and listening at a remove. As I always say... I think of him as a whole, complete person, with motives and flaws and a darker side as well.

[kingofthewilderwest]

Hi! here's part 1 of the ask XD: So I have this friend whom I try to love unconditionally but she is not as involved in the friendship, but I wanna try to still be there for her just in case something happens to her in the future plus, but most of my friends say that I should leave her if she is not as invested and I started thinking maybe there is something wrong with me? I consider my loves ones my purpose/goal, meaning and dream, I can't leave her! Since you are very insightful, thoughts? XD

Hey there. <3 <3 I'm so so so sorry you had to wait this long for my response. I've been thinking about you and chewing over the right words. Sometimes it's hard for me to muster up words. I hope these words are slightly okay and aren't coming too late. Also sorry that it's long. XD

I've been in friendships I consider imbalanced; one of us feels a much greater love for them than vice versa. I've been in both directions: as the person feeling the greater love, and as the person receiving that love.

Loving another person is beautiful. I think it's the most beautiful part of the human soul. Wanting them to be happy and being willing to help them through challenges is some of the purest things a human can feel. The fact you are someone filled with love and devotion shows that you have some beautiful things in your heart. <3

Unfortunately, I do believe that imbalanced relationships are not healthy until they get handled. It doesn't have to mean there's something wrong with you. Sometimes it just be. But it might indicate the relationship is not in good, stable equilibrium; it might indicate you will have to adjust your behavior; it might indicate there are psychological things you have to process (depends on your situation); and it might indicate both of you are getting unintentionally hurt by this current imbalance.

Several times I've been in relationships where I loved that person way more than vice versa. In both notable cases, they were uncomfortable with me. I felt like I was straining to be around them because I loved them so much, but I felt in pain too because I didn't get enough good time from them. I wanted my happiness in them, but I couldn't actually get secure happiness from them because they weren't invested in me in a level that'd satisfy my emotional-psychological strainings. And when I wanted to help them and got turned down, I felt extremely frustrated. I wanted!! to!!! help!!!!! them!!!! :(( One time the friendship would have been healthy if we'd both felt the same, but it wasn't meant to be. Another time, while I believed I was acting out of the right amount of devotion, that devotion was good and correct, I actually had insecurities I had to deal with. My devotion was an inability to accept my reality. I was emotionally unstable. I am not saying this is what you have; I'm just saying this is what happened to me one time.

On the other hand, I've had multiple situations where people adored me. Either I felt so-so about them, or they were friends, just not to that extent. And I will admit, it's very unfun being on this side, too. I knew I couldn't give them what they wanted. I didn't want to hurt them, but I couldn't magically create a type of love in me I didn't have for them. I didn't want them to be the people I was confiding in or relying on for my worst struggles; I had other friends who fulfilled those roles and I was sufficient that way. In the imbalanced relationships, I'd enjoy hanging out and going to the coffee shop once in a while, sure! I wanted to be casual or everyday friends with many of 'em! But it could easily accidentally feel like they were hanging over me and not giving me breaks I sometimes needed. Or it felt... I mean... there's times where someone who is romantically in love with you makes you feel awkward, and I absolutely believe there's the platonic equivalent when it's that unrequited level of friendship-love. And because the intensity is unrequited, the level of love the lover feels is never going to be matched, and nothing you do will make that change. The only thing you can do is adjust yourself and your actions and try to get that unrequited straining tampered down over time.

I'm not saying you are obtrusively hanging over the other person or annoying them. I don't know your situation's details and I'm not going to presume them. <3 It very well could be the case that other folk is just indifferent. It could be the case you're simply at a miscommunication about basic balance needs. So I'm agnostically covering all scenarios. But when I hear about situations like these where the love is imbalanced, my go-to response is: the person who's in further has to back off.

Because at this point: it's about boundaries of comfort. You have to prioritize the comfort of the person who feels their space is being (for lack of better words, sorry) "invaded".

Perfectly fair friendships sometimes need to readjust their boundaries so everyone feels comfortable. Backing off doesn't need to be cutting your friend out of your life. I think it depends on the situation. If you're actually friends where both are willing to work with the other, sometimes it can be successfully communicated out. I've had that work in my friendships.

You can learn what your friend's boundaries are, and then you'll have to learn how to stick with them. It might feel unpleasant when your heart is screaming to do and be more, and I sympathize. I know we can't turn our hearts off. Hearts will continue to yearn. But I think you and I can both understand that ultimately, in loving our friends, the most loving act we can do is make sure they feel comfortable with us. If that means your buddy only wants you as a sometimes-go-to-the-mall-with person, then that's the role you do; to go further is to breach into an intimacy they don't want. Over time, by acting carefully, hopefully your screaming heart will not scream so bad, and you and your friend will both feel happier with how your day-to-day interactions go.

In other cases, the imbalance might be irreparable. If the other person is legitimately indifferent or disinterested in you, you are investing a ton of spoons and emotional energy that are taxing you and helping nobody. They're not actually your friend. This type of person doesn't want your devotion, and while that kindness is wonderful, you're not actually going to be able to help them. In such a case, your other companions could be right, and that leaving the person is the best choice you could make. Kindness takes a lot of energy, and we are only hurting ourselves if we are over-investing in someone who literally doesn't care. It's not healthy emotionally, it means you don't learn how to move on and allocate emotions, and you burn yourself out for someone who wouldn't bat an eyeball and help you. Good friendships are ones where people are going to help each other to at least some extent, right? Because you deserve that, too!!!

I've seen plenty of one-sided "friendships" where the endless lover gets manipulated, taken advantage of, and abused to serve the other, uncaring person. I would be really sad if you ended in a situation like that one, because damn, those mess folks up. In such a worst case scenario as that one, "helping" the person, "loving" them, just perpetuates and "justifies" their bad behavior to you (and probably others), and means every action you do doesn't help them... it hurts you, and that's the only result. Again, I'm not saying this is you. I am NOT. But fucking hell, I've seen it happen a lot, and it's dangerous, and it's why love also involves knowing when to say "no" and step aside, right?

There was one time I was deeply in love with someone who was toxic. But even though she was toxic, I couldn't leave her! I wouldn't abandon her!! That's what I thought. [sigh] Leaving her ended up being the best thing I did, and the best thing that happened to her, too. That was a greater, more loving, more humble choice than the anxious (frankly very unhealthy) paranoia I had trying to keep her in my life. And I have majorly psychologically healed and gotten better, stabler relationships with everyone around me since making that choice.

Human love is like a candle. It's a beautiful light shining for the edification of others and everyone's happiness. But what good is it if you burn yourself out in an empty room? All you do is harm yourself, lose your light, and nobody else receives it. And if you're a candle, you probably need other candles to relight you, too; we're reciprocal beings. Considering your loved ones your entire purpose, meaning, and dream ergo could end up to nothing but personal harm if you pursue something like that empty, dark room. It doesn't even have to be a malicious room... just... indifferent to anything you could do. </3

I hold a huge value to devotion and loving friends. None of my answers are intending to say, "curb love!" I do believe in sacrificing for others when they need it, and I do believe in showing kindness to folks who'll be buttheads to me. But I also believe that we need to make sure we are in good relationships where we're being cherished too. Whether your situation is one where the friendship can continue after a good conversation about comfort, or it's one where you're better off investing your heart elsewhere, I believe this might be a hard case of learning restraint.

I'd say it's restraint in how we channel our love.

We can still love unconditionally while knowing there are boundaries we won't cross and energy we won't extend. We can always give people love to the degree to which each relationship merits it. Sometimes someone is out of our boundaries and that's just how it is. All interactions can be made with love in mind. A best friendship and an acquaintanceship both involve love, but each type of relationship has different actions we can and cannot take to make the other comfortable, or make the relationship solid and balanced. This is not limiting love. I believe this is using love right.

Because there's so many instances where friendships aren't bad, aren't toxic, aren't shitty, aren't doomed or something... they're just imbalanced, and balancing is hard! Nobody is doing anything wrong-wrong, and love is good, we just aren't channeling our love right or designating our emotional energies well. There are successful cases where folks I know initially made me uncomfortable but stepped back to my comfort zone. We stayed friends and have had a good time. I've felt better about being with them after having conversations and making adjustments. Sometimes it took a while because hearts HAVE EMOTIONS, but! We refound balance! Our friendships returned to a stable, healthy state. And I've felt better after receiving feedback from friends saying I've exceeded their bounds, and learned (ever-so-painfully) to step back and tell me heart there's places I cannot go.

I wish you the best with finding balance. Take care, have an awesome one. <3 Rock on.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans Are Space Orcs “Preparations.”

I’m getting ready for an interesting new arc, I think, so we shall see. I never know what my brain is going  to want to write. 

“Lieutenant, command is yours. Keep the ship operational till I get back. I want low orbit just in case we have to bail out quickly.”

“Yes sir.”

Boots clattered on metal as Commander Vir clattered down the stairs and moved quickly down the hallway. A small entourage of figures walked at his back, “I’m not sure I like this commander.” One of them was saying, “It could more than easily be a trap.”

He sighed, “I know, but the GA wants it done.”

“I would much rather do reconnaissance for a while-”

“And so would I, but the chairwoman made it very clear that we needed to speak with them as soon as possible. I’ve already tried establishing radio contact, and nothing. The only way to go now is the old fashioned way.”

They took a sharp corner, “Tell the council to meet me down in the docking bay.”

“Yes sir,” They scampered off leaving another subordinate to fill their place.

Most of the council was already there when he reached the docking bay. Dr, Krill, Sunny, Dr. Adric, Ramirez Narobi etc. etc.” He paused before them, hands clasped behind his back.

“You shouldn’t go alone.” Came the first announcement.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, which means I want at least six marines, and a group from the diplomacy team. I know I’ve been taking lessons, but I don’t trust myself nearly as much as I trust them.”

“Are we sure it needs to be you at all?” Krill pointed out getting to the heart of the issue on first try, as was usual for him.

Commander Vir turned to look at the little doctor on the spot, “The Kree have demanded a high ranking representative.”

“Then lie to them, send down someone not important and pretend,” Krill said 

He crossed his arms, “We aren’t going to lie. Starting out diplomatic relations with a lie would destabilize the entire foundation of what we are trying to build, no we need proper protection is all.” He turned to look at the others, “Any objections? If so raise your concerns now?’”

Sunny raised a hand, “You're Not going unless you bring proper weapons, otherwise, I say we shouldn't meet them.”

“I agree….. And I have an idea.” The group looked nervously around at each other, “No, you are very much not going to like it, and you will probably argue with me.” He turned to Dr. Adric, and motioned hi to follow, “Ramirez get your marines and-”

“Already done commander.”

“Nice and fast of you.” He turned to look at Ramirez one last time placing a hand on his shoulder, “Are these the marines that have…. Uh…. trained with the new equipment?”

Ramirez  nodded enthusiastically, “Yes sir.”

“Good.” “New equipment?” Krill wondered rather suspiciously.

“Yep you're going to hate that too.” Commander Vir announced knowing that he was going to argue and knowing that people would assume his decision was poor. But he had talked it over -- seriously -- with Ramirez, and they had both agreed it was too good a strategic advantage not to. Ramirez had then talked with the requisitions officer and so on and so forth until the package had been loaded onto the ship not a few days before, but that he thought he might be able to get away with, it was this next thing, they were going to hate.

Floating at the back of the group Conn knew what he was thinking, “They’re going to lock you up.”

“Are you exaggerating, or is that seriously what they are going to do?”

The starborn kept silent  leaving hi on edge as he moved forward and into the equipment room. He knew where it was, they had hardly hidden it as well as they thought they had, and he could tell by the nervous movement of the rest of the crew that they knew too.

Ight as well not keep them waiting.

He walked over to one side of the room, pushed a rack of guns out of the way, reached down and dragged the large silver box onto the open floor.

Immediate uproar.

“No!”

“Not on your life!: “What are you thinking!”

Commander Vir crossed his arms, planting himself before the box with feet spread wide. He let them continue to rant, sunny even tried to pull hi away, but he ducked past both of her arms and stepped back, so he was now standing on the box.

“QUIET ALL OF YOU!”

That made them shut up, at least for the moment.

“Commander, we won’t let you.”

“I know.” 

“Than why even bother bringing it up.” Sunny demanded 

Even Ramirez was looking a little put off..

He turned to look at Dr. Adric, “That is why he is here. I know for a fact that I can do it, and not cause harm to myself. I’m healthy enough mentally to manage, but if the good doctor decides that I am wrong, than I will put it down and stp arguing.”

Below him, the Iron eye logo glinted in the yellowed overhead lights.

Dr. Adric looked on in concern, “What is this about?”

Krill and a few of the others turned to protest, but commander Vir stopped them with a raised hand turning to look at the doctor, “You are aware of my time in operation steel eye?”

He nodded.

“And were you aware that I put the armor back on for the burg war not some months ago?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know about the project.”

He laced his hands together before him, “I published a paper on it. I know that it was a volatile experimental pice of technology that the government attached  directly into the spinal columns and muscles of the forty surviving soldiers. Each machine was powered by the steel eye prosthetic which contained the suit’s power source. I know that they used drugs to stop the excruciating pain, and that they added amphetamines to cause aggression and allow the soldiers to stay up longer…. And I know that more than three fourths of those soldiers are dead now and only have of that fourth is….. Operating functionally as people.”

Commander Vir smiled, “Yes, than you do know. IT took me years to recover from the suit, than I went and put it on again, and that caused a relapse in y mental health to a degree that I almost got myself grounded and , likely, discharged. However, during that time I also spoke to a group of people who were working on a similar project, operation Iron eye.” There was a nervous shifting around the room, “ITs the same thing as stell eye, though it requires no drugs, and no pain. The Trade off is, I had to go in for surgery because the attachments are permanent.” 

He turned around and pulled down the collar of his shirt so Dr. Adric could see the first port just below the base of his skull, “I had these done at a time where I honestly shouldn't have, but I thought this was my only option.” He turned back around, “I am well aware that is not true, but what’s done is done. I have the implants, they cannot be removed, and I have the suit. I might as well use it to protect myself. That is the point? To protect myself and the rest of the crew?”

There was silence for a moment.

“We can’t let you do this.” Dr Katie was saying.

Narobi was shaking her head emphatically .

He turned to look at Dr. Adric, “I leave this decision up to you doc. If I’m not mentally healthy enough to handle it, than I will stop, but you are the expert here and the most unbiased among us.” Dr Adric shifted on the spot nervously. He could see where this was a problem. The unhealthy associations that soldiers were bound to make after an experience like that was…. Horrible to imagine, but the Commander seemed calm, so he supposed there was no issue with trying.

He was a bit nervous about all the eyes that his decision caused. Sunny looked like she was about to beat him to death with her spear, and Dr. Krill seemed intent on poisoning his drink the next time he had the chance.

They took the Iron eye box back to the medical bay, and The three doctors observed the process.

Commander Vir was feeling pretty good as he slid back into the box listening to the connections click into place. Were there some bad memories? Yeah, sure, but he could handle those well enough.

Dr Adric kept a close eye on him as he stood the whirring of hydraulics accompanying his movement. He flexed his fist inside the iron eye suit and turned to look at the others.

Krill was frowning. Sunny was glowering , Dr. Katie wouldn't even look at him. Ramirez looked very, very nervous.

Dr. Adric walked over and checked his pulse, asked a few questions, but finally decided there was no reason to tell him no. 

That pissed off almost everyone else in the room, but commander Vir pulled on the specially made iron eye gear, “You wanted me safe, and this is as safe as I can think of being, and I trust Dr. Adric’s judgement.” With each footstep, metal clattered against metal, and the soft hiss of the hydraulics accompanied him up the hall.

THe others followed in concern and anger.

The crew turned to look their eyes wide looking nervous.

They expected him to do something stupid.

What they didn’t know is that he actually had a practicing mental health professional on his side now, and truth be told, he didn’t feel anything really. Yes he could just as easily compare the experience to the steel-eye suit, but without the pain, the experiences were too different.

Reaching the docking bay for the second time. The marines were already waiting as were the diplomacy team.

Dr Krill cursed, “You arent serious.”

“Krill, I appreciate your opinion as a doctor, but in areas of equipping marines, I trust Ramirez more.”

The line of marines saluted as he drew nearer, their bodies covered by their combat ACUs, and each one wearing a matte black painted jetpack.

He turned, just in time for Ramirez to step forward with another, mounting it to the back plate on the Iron- eye suit, where it clicked satisfyingly into place.

Krill and Sunny both looked as if they were about  to have a conniption. 

He withdrew something from his pocket, “Don’t worry, I did my homework, and read the manual. I don’t plan on even using it if this all goes well.” he looked at the group of them seriously, “This isn’t for fun, everyone, this is for the safety and protection of myself and others. I have a panic button ready in case anything goes wrong, and I will have two more teams of marines on standby in low orbit in case something decides to happen. I have the diplomacy team to speak when I don’t know what to do, and I have the marines for a firefight if it comes to that. THe first sign of trouble and we fly out if we have to.”

He stepped forward a bit, looking around at the concerned and angry faces, “I understand you all are worried, but I have thought this through. I have taken your suggestions, and I am doing everything I can to stay safe.” He looked up at Sunny, “I will be equipped in the way that you suggested.” he turned to Krill and Katie, “We have the medical supplies that you ordered in the bags that were placed in the ready room.”

He turned to Narobi, “You sent in one of your best people to service all of the equipment days ago. I, and these men are as safe as we can be.” 

Maybe one day he wouldn't have to explain his actions to these people, but he understood that, in the past he had made a bunch of poor decisions. This time would not be that time. He had thought of everything, and he had talked to everyone else to consider things he hadn’t thought of. He was listening to his crew, and differing to the knowledge of experts. He didn’t pick the team, he didn’t pick the equipment, and he was going to allow the knowledge of others to carry through this time.

Yes, one day he would be able to make a decision without explaining everything, but today was not that day.

He looked around, “Are there any objections?” He held up a hand to cut Krill off, “On the basis of logic and not being angry at me?”

Krill shut his mouth.

One of the floor technicians jogged up, “The shuttle is ready commander.”

He nodded and turned to the marines, “Load up!” He then turned and ordered a second pilot onto the ship so as not to leave it unmanned when they were gone.

In the confusion, he turned to head towards the ship, but something caught his hand.

He turned and looked up to find Sunny’s golden eyes staring down at him. He could tell she was mad, displeased, and even a little hurt, though she didn’t say any of that.

The one day he thought he had made no mistakes…. And he had.

He looked around quickly, and seeing no one paying attention, he took one of her other hands.

The Iron eye armor impeded a good connection but it would have to do, “I’ll talk to you when I get back.”

SHe remained quiet.

“I know…. I should have told you, and you can kick my ass later, ok?”

His smile fell from his face as she continued to glower.

He squeezed her hands, “Back before you can say Adam is a dipshit.” He squeezed one more time and let go turning towards the shuttle and flexing his shoulders with a hydraulic hiss , the iron eye clattering hungrily with every movement

[val-aquenta]

Mace Windu Appreciation Week for the prompt: Vaapad and Shatterpoint. Fun fact I had no idea how to spell vaapad xD

Here on ao3

Mace moves the lightsaber in a familiar pattern, the kata’s he has created coming forth in his memories easily. The purple blade lights him up, giving his face and his clothes a purple hue. The colour is not the most special thing. Purple blades, indeed blades of any colour have been wielded, even the long-ago stolen darksaber with its unique colouring is not exactly novel. A result of an interesting crystal-Jedi pairing combined with the technology of the time resulted in the now unique colouring and sound. Mace’s blade being purple is not the most special thing. Jedi have wielded purple before. The kata’s though, those are special. Cyslin had called it a result of his ‘overeager imagination’ paired with his ‘dissatisfaction with the traditional forms.’ Perhaps she is right, she often is.

He swings the blade down in an aggressive strike before stepping back and twisting into a more defensive position. The form itself is neither focused on defence or attack, as it changes with almost every user. It is simply a way of focusing, of redirecting something not wrong or unhealthy, but sometimes unwanted, into something helpful. It is not limited to fighting, in this sense, but it also spans into everyday life. 

The door swishes open, and Mace sees a robed figure in the corner of his eyes. “You’re late.” Obi-Wan sighs, undoing the brown cloak and neatly folding it onto the benches. Mace stops for a moment, taking a small breather. 

“I know.” The contrite expression turns to him. “I am sorry, I had to help Anakin with his… never mind. It was a battle, to say the least.” The not exactly anger, but almost anger sparkles around him, crackling slightly in the Force with an unpleasant feeling. Obi-Wan jumps into some warm-ups, stretching his back and muscles when he’s done. Mace joins him. He calls the lightsaber to his hand, a bottle of water close behind. He takes a sip, offering some to Mace. Mace turns it down. He knows that if he drinks too much, he will end up vomiting at some point during or soon after the spar. 

“Ready?” Mace asks, settling into the familiar starting stance, the hilt held loosely to his side. It is not confidence or arrogance in his pose, it is simply a man who is aware of himself and, to a degree, of his opponent as well as their respective skills. With the frequent sparring and their growing friendship, Mace would like to think that he knows Obi-Wan’s skills decently enough. 

Obi-Wan smirks. He is not arrogant either, though there is a spark of confidence in his eyes. He knows, perhaps he won’t win, but he might, and he might as well have fun along the way. “Of course.” His blade springs, a bright blue hue, similar to the old crystal he had lost on Naboo. It lights up his face with a blue shade. The blade swings, humming as Obi-Wan shows off some ornamental twists before settling into his typical two-fingered soresu stance. His feet are on the floor, ready to move should the need arise, but also ready to stand firm. “I think it better to ask you if you are ready to lose, Mace.” The confidence is there, though Mace is unsure exactly how much is real and how much is part of the odd facade the man puts up during spars and fights. It is aggravating sometimes, but amusing most of the time. He can easily see how an opponent might get frustrated with the strange behaviour.

Mace snorts unimpressed at Obi-Wan's unnecessary twirls as well as his words, “We shall see who loses this match.” He thumbs on his blade, his lightsaber’s low hum joining Obi-Wan’s. “Wouldn’t want to get too cocky, would you?” He questions teasingly, a familiar smirk settling onto his face. 

Obi-Wan does not exactly laugh, but he might as well. The humour and delight sparks around him in the Force, soothing the jagged edges of frustration. “I’m not cocky, simply aware.” And with that, they clash. Mace rushes forwards, as he often does, keen on finishing the job right after it has begun. He also knows Obi-wan, with his form of soresu, won’t move to start the spar. The blue and purple clash with a sharp familiar noise. The crystals sing, a joyous song at the happiness and delight sparkling around them. It has been too long since they have sparred. There is a quick flick of the wrist, his blade falling away from the clash to counter Obi-Wan’s short jab at him. The jab turns defensive as Mace goes for a sweep. 

“Getting ahead of ourselves, Knight Kenobi? I did not take you for offensive measures.” Mace flips back, the blade coming around to take a jab that is deftly pushed to the side. Obi-Wan’s hands are somewhere above him. Any swings from the side are quickly blocked by quick flicks of the wrist. Indeed, Obi-Wan has become a Master of soresu as was his goal. Mace steps back for a moment after a few fruitless clashes. He takes a deep breath and really falls into the familiar feeling of vaapad. 

Nothing much negative exists to fuel his fight, but he would be idiotic to not be able to fuel his fight with positivity too. He channels the happiness at this spar into the fight, hoping to prolong the fight to reach a nice satisfying end. Obi-Wan’s eyes narrow, his long hair slicked slightly with sweat. He knows what Mace is doing and, before Mace goes any further, Obi-Wan is jumping forwards with a bold attack, more like his older ataru style. It is a high jump paired with a downwards slash, truly a clean show of acrobatics and stead practice in ataru. It, however, is easily blocked. Mace has sensed it before, has seen the move not exactly telegraphed by Obi-Wan’s body, but due to Mace’s friendship with Obi-Wan, visible from the bright blue eyes. 

Mace blocks and moves to the side simultaneously, humming as he wants to go up to the platforms suspended from the ceiling. He takes a lead up, effectively blocking the strikes aimed at his legs as Obi-Wan jumps up, jostling the thin platform as he lands. They trade blows, shifting back and forth in quick small steps. They trade barbs too, harmless ones filled with subtle joking and humour. Obi-Wan allows Mace to dictate the fight, and so he follows the man when he moves backwards onto a larger, more stable platform. “Scared of losing your balance, old man?”

Mace responds with nothing, narrowing his eyes. Talking during a fight, when not necessary like now, is not exactly something Mace loves. He aims a blow, packing a punch behind him that Obi-Wan struggles slightly to block. Obi-Wan takes steps back, pushed backwards until his feet tip at the edge. Looking backwards for a second, Obi-Wan takes a breath and pulls himself away, landing lightly on another platform, thin too and similarly jostling as Mace lands, not far from Obi-Wan. “Running away, are we?” He teases, pairing it with a heavy blow. 

“No. ‘Course not.” Obi-Wan gasps a bit, the hair turning a rather dark brown. Obi-Wan has supreme balance, as all Jedi do. There is a familiar hum as they draw on the Force to keep on the thin platform. They trade blows moving forwards and backwards. Soresu suits Obi-Wan, his blade easily blocking the heavy blows that rain. It would seem effortless if not for the evident fatigue on his face. Mace has had decades of training and perfecting his art form. Obi-Wan, not so much. His opponent has not spent enough time mastering his form, and it shows in the occasional slips to ataru. He’s not entirely… comfortable in this new form. Mace spots the final tell, a small slip that leaves him open. He takes advantage of it, rushing forwards and disarming the man with a quick flick of his blade. There is a stop, their heavy breathing filling the air around them while Mace falls down from the slight high that comes from the joyful fight with his friend. Redirecting the joy, it leaves him somewhat euphoric. It is not something he has a problem with during a real fight. 

“You’re getting better,” Mace says, thumbing off his blade, the purple light disappearing. While the blade was not at full intensity, it was still unnerving to have one close to one's neck. Obi-wan wilts, breathing heavily. “You’re still not fully comfortable though.” He notes. 

Obi-Wan nods, a little bit of annoyance at himself evident in the furrow of his brow. “I know. I’m just… used to ataru.” He takes in a deep breath, calming down his racing heart. Mace clips the sabre to his belt, smoothing out some of the wrinkles on the looser tunics he wears to spar. “Thank you, Master,” Obi-Wan murmurs, bowing in thanks. Mace looks at him, blinking in slight surprise. While he is a Jedi Master, it is novel that Obi-Wan refers to him in this more personal manner. It is significant, judging by the way Obi-Wan’s eyes search his, looking for the response. 

“It is my pleasure, Obi-Wan” Mace responds with a soft smile. Obi-Wan had wormed his way into Mace’s heart as a youngling once, then again as the student of his friend, and now as an equal. Obi-Wan smiles, his presence tangling with Mace’s, a happiness pulsing through the air. Something shifts and another shatterpoint forms at the cracks of another, hovering between them. He grunts a bit, hand reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Obi-Wan’s joyful face falls to confusion and worry. He steps forwards, a bit closer, his hands reaching out to rest on Mace’s. 

“Are you alright?” Mace nods tiredly in response. He’s used to it. It has been part of him his entire life. That doesn’t mean the ability is a pain to have on certain occasions. “Is it… another one?” Obi-Wan asks. He doesn’t fully understand Mace’s ability; it is hard to explain to someone who does not have the ability. Both able to see the cracks on physical objects, like the weakness within a transparisteel glass, but also sense the cracks bending towards important events. Anakin, Obi-Wan's padawan has many such cracks pulsing powerfully through the Force. The crack between them, a promise of something important sits like a ticking time bomb between them. Mace does not know if it is a bad thing or a positive one. He hopes the latter, for both his sake and Obi-Wan’s.

“Yes,” Mace responds, sighing deeply as the pain of a new crack forming falls away. 

Obi-Wan looks down nervously, hands fiddling in front of him. Usually, the long robe would hide it, but without the robe, the fiddling is evidence. “I’m sorry, Mace.” 

Mace shakes his head, “It is not your fault, my friend.” He reaches out and lays his hands on Obi-Wan's fiddling hands, stilling the nervous movements. They stand for a moment, calmly breathing. “Come on, my friend, I find myself in search of tea.” 

The ginger perks up, “I got a new sample of Felucian tea. I think you’ll like it.” Obi-Wan chatter excitedly, wiping at his face with a towel and pulling his lightsaber to himself and clipping it at his belt. “I don’t recall the name of the flower in it, but it’s named sweet tea. I haven’t tried it yet; I wanted to share a pot with you. It smelled heavenly though.” Mace listens, bemused, to the chatter about tea. “That is if you want to share a pot?”

“Of course I would.” Mace nodded, folding his outer robe over his arm, and following Obi-Wan out the hall. 

[animeyanderelover]

This must be the first time that I managed to finish an Anime in only five days. My favs are Misa, L and Near.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, manipulation, stalking, sabotage, Yandere being mean, clinginess, gaslighting, blackmailing, kidnapping, death

Yandere Death Note Hc’s

Light Yagami

✍️I have so much to say! The first and most outshining trait should be very obvious. Manipulative to the point where he’ll break you if he has too. He’s very charming so it won’t be hard for him to quickly get close to you and your parents. A good relationship with you starts with a good relationship with your parents. He’ll have everything perfectly planned to make sure that his darling falls for him. Also a very controlling one. He will control a lot of things in your life, probably not all, unless you force him too. It will feel like you have some power in this relationship, but you don’t. He can also be a really cruel one. It might happen often that he is one day all over you and the next he is completely ignoring you just to have you begging for his attention. He loves it when you rely on him and submit to him. He has one of the most unhealthy obsessions with his darling and with his intelligence and charm it won’t be hard for him to get his s/o telling him everything he wants to know.

✍️Also a very possessive one. No one can have his darling since they are going to be his god/goddess which will rule on his side over the world. His delusions are a whole chapter for itself, but his delusions will decide how good he’ll treat the s/o. He believes he’s a god and he expects them to treat him like one. Better worship him or else he’ll get mad. But the more I thought about it, the more I can see him as someone who’s delusions will from time to time take a complete 180 degree flip and in this moments he’ll be an absolute worshipper for his darling, being blinded from their perfection. Enjoy these moments when you have them.

✍️Light is surprisingly okay with the s/o meeting their family and friends, but only when they don’t start spending more time with them than with him. But these are the only exceptions because if it’s anyone else who isn’t a family member of yours, his or one of your friends then he’ll get jealous quickly. But he’s so good to overplay it and with his charm it honestly won’t be hard for him to quickly get his darling away from them.

✍️Normally he only kills criminals or people who are a threat to Kira, but isn’t trying to take his darling away from him a crime too? If not, the worst crime? You should be careful with how affectionate you are with someone if you don’t want them to die on a heart attack, accident, suicide or whatever Light can think off. Everyone who dares to make a move on his darling or even looks at them in the wrong way will drop like a dead fly.

✍️He can fool everyone with his act and charm and I think he might be able to make it look like a ‘normal’ relationship where he’ll pull the strings behind every action you make and will make you spend every free minute with him, having wrapped you up so much in lies that you want to spend ‘willingly’ every minute with him. If his darling should ever start try to break up with him or suspecting he’s Kira and isn’t a supporter of him then things will get really swiftly really bad and he’ll threaten his darling to kill their family and friends, forcing them to spend time with him if they don’t want to feel responsible for someone’s death.

✍️As long as you love him and don’t suspect him of being Kira, only if you don’t support him that is, then Light can be the perfect boyfriend for you, charming, handsome, intelligent. But if you’ll ever try to leave him or are against Kira and find somehow out that he’s Kira then he’ll peel his ‘perfect boyfriend’ image off and will show you his real face. He’ll threaten everyone you love to keep you by his side. Stay better in your line or else he’ll punish you and/or kill someone you’re close to so you can learn your lesson. Your opinion is important to him, after all you’ll rule the world with him, but he also wants you to accept his opinion.

L Lawliet

🍰I was beyond mad when he died. L is a stalker and an obsessive one. He has cameras and wires placed everywhere in his darling’s house, observing their every word and movement. He has some connections and will use them to get every file about them. It won’t take long for him to know everything there is to know there about the s/o. Family, friends, favorites, fears, hobbies. Everything! And the more he finds out the more he gets obsessed. Just in case he might create some dirty secrets about his darling’s family if they should try to leave. He’s also really manipulative. He knows his darling’s thoughts from the way they’re acting and moving and can estimate what they’ll do next and will take advantage of it if it’s necessary.

🍰He’s smart enough to know that his feelings aren’t normal, but for some reason he can’t stop. There are times where he can’t concentrate when his darling isn’t near him and where he’ll feel highly frustrated without them. He’s a desperate and touchy one. He might not look like it, but he just really wants his darling’s love and since he’s most of the time just alone in a room filled with computers and TV’s, isolating himself most of the time he’s beyond touchstarved and there will always be some physical contact. If his darling rejects that he might just handcuff them to him. At least like this they can’t try to get away from him when he wants another hug. He’s also overprotective. He deals with a lot of dangerous cases and knows that if someone finds out how special his darling to him is they will be targeted so he’ll ensure their safety.

🍰He watches his darling all the time and knows their schedules and who they meet during the day. He’s just so good in analyzing people and knows exactly from what he sees if someone likes his darling or the other way around. He won’t mind if they spend time with other people, but that’s only when the s/o doesn’t get to friendly with them or they don’t get too friendly with them. If that’s case then he’ll start feeling sour.

🍰If someone gets too close to his darling or if he notices that someone in his darling’s surroundings plans to harm them he’ll quickly dig some dirty secret about them up or will simply create one and will make sure that everyone will hear about it. He won’t kill, he’ll rely more on manipulations to simply dirty that person’s name.

🍰He will try to make you come willingly to him. He’ll create scenarios where you’ll get in a tricky situation and have no choice, but to rely on him and of course he’ll be there for you. If that doesn’t work then he’ll resort to blackmailing and will tell you about something that happened in your parent’s or friend’s past you don’t want people to find out or he’ll use the false rumors created and will spread them. Then you’ll have no choice, but to ask the famous L for help. If all this doesn’t work then he’ll be willing to kidnap his darling. But then he has everything planned perfectly. An excuse to why you suddenly disappeared and an excuse to why you most likely won’t be seen for a while.

🍰He knows everything about you and that’s just terrifying. There will be times where you’ll wake up at night just to find him staring at you intensely. Escaping won’t be from any use because L has the plan already figured out before the thought has even started to form in your mind. Trying to ask Watari won’t be useful either since he’s loyal to L. He has every possible reaction from you already planned out and a way to handle it. Get used to sweets because he’ll feed you a lot of them. Get used to him being a huge cuddle bear around you. He’s very blunt with you and his emotions for you. If you want to get out of this room filled with sweets, monitors and files then proof to him that you don’t leave him. He knows if you lie or not, but if he’s convinced that you are genuine then he might let you out, but not without a tracker and some wires on you. Just for safety.

Misa Amane

💄Misa is the obsessive and possessive type of Yandere. She will be very obvious with her obsession for her darling and is for sure someone who will take their things, letting them know that she’ll borrow their sweater for a while, but she’ll never give it back to them. Won’t allow anyone to take her sweet little darling away from her. No one should dare. She’ll kill anyone who tries to.

💄Also lovestruck, desperate, delusional and clingy. She believes in love at first sight as well as that you’ll love her just as much as she does. This girl here is all over you and will be highly affectionate with you, especially in public since she never got the chance to do that with Light. She’s honestly such a sweetheart for her darling and will do anything to make them love her even more. She’s so needy for her darling’s love and affection and she can’t endure her day without this.

💄Misa gets jealous as soon as her darling starts talking about someone else in a bit too affectionate and adoring way, at least in her opinion, and she’ll instantly become more clingy to her darling.

💄Don’t waste your time with other people or she’ll get rid of them. She won’t go as far as killing her darling’s family, but it’s a constant fight between her and her s/o’s family. But her darling might be able to convince her to not kill people who made her jealous. But in order to do that they need to show her that they only love her and no one else. If they succeed in doing that then Misa will be walking on clouds and will forget about the person.

💄Kidnapping isn’t needed. She’s popular and everyone knows that the both of you are together so the question here is if you are stupid enough to break up with her and deal with the rage of her fans. The darling also needs to prevent Misa from killing everyone who even dares to look at them so they won’t be able to leave her side. She also wants to go out with her darling to do couple moments so that everyone can see that the both of you are together.

💄Misa wants just to be loved by you and will do anything to make you satisfied with her. She has money and fame to get you everything you could possibly want. She’ll shower you in affection and is a total angel for you. She’s so cheesy with her love confessions and will do everything with you that she couldn’t do with Light. Pyjama parties, wearing couple outfits, feeding each other. She’ll do everything. Luckily you are able to talk her out of killing if you just start being affectionate to her. She just wants love.

Mello

🍫Mello is the overprotective Yandere. He is part of the mafia and that is already enough to increase his protectiveness over his darling. He’s also the harsh and gentle one at the same time. He is really impulsive from time to time and can say the one or another mean word to the s/o, but he can also be very gentle if he wants to.

🍫He’s also the possessive, desperate and touchstarved Yandere. He’s always constantly battling with Near about who’s the better one and constantly lands in second place so now that he has his darling he’ll make sure that he gets to have them for himself. But that also leads him to be surprisingly needy for his darling’s praises and love since he hates to admit it, but he often feels secretly insecure about many things so to know that his darling loves him would help him to feel more confident.

🍫Mello gets so quickly jealous, it’s ridiculous and will most likely cause a scene, yelling at anyone who even just briefly glances in his darling’s direction. Better pull him quickly away because if the person dares to speak back he’ll get violent. If you don’t want him to punch every single person better stay away from other human beings except him.

🍫He gets jealous fastly and is ready to go very violent. Different from Near and L he’s much more willing to kill and if someone even dares to flirt with you that person will have to deal with a broken nose and the loss of a few teeth. It will end in a carnage if someone dares to hurt his darling.

🍫He’s overprotective and possessive, both traits which are bound to lead him to kidnapping his darling quickly. He does feel guilty to take them away from everyone they’ve ever loved, but he’ll try to convince himself that he just does it to protect them. Good luck trying to escape him and the mafia.

🍫Mello will never admit how much he yearns for your praises and touches, he does have some pride and it’s interesting how he often pretends to not care, but his hugs and kisses are always so passionate. His words and actions don’t always match, but please remember that you’re his everything. If he gets in his softer mood he’ll spoil you with presents he knows you’ll love.

Near

🎲Near is very similar to L. He’s the obsessive and stalker kind of Yandere. Just like L he has cameras and wires in every corner of his darling’s house to watch them, taking notice of everything they do. He has some connections to get every information that has ever existed about them, but even after knowing them better than they probably do therself his curiosity is still not satisfied, that’s how deeply he’s obsessed. Also the type to steal things that belong to the s/o. Pictures, toys, letters. He has a whole drawer only for this purpose. He treasures all these things very much so no one is allowed to touch them. Just like L the aware type who knows that this is actually wrong.

🎲Desperate and touchstarved for his darling. He has troubles admitting when he wants his darling to touch him and would try to be subtle with it at first by looking intensely at them. If they don’t get the hint he’ll just tell them very bluntly what he wants from them. He wants the s/o’s attention on only him and will feel sour if he doesn’t get it. He’s like a child, needy for your love and attention. I can also see him as a possessive and lovestruck one. He might be really smart, but when it comes to the human being and emotions he’s clueless, he has never experienced love before, but he knows for sure that he likes the feeling that the s/o stirs up in his chest. Absolutely infatuated with his darling to the point where he at one point thinks he needs them.

🎲Near is like a child and as mentioned feels sour when the s/o gives their attention to someone else, but he has problems with expressing his feelings so his s/o will never notice, but the other person will notice how his gaze feels like it’s going to burn holes into them.

🎲He relies more on the influence and connections he has. This guy who always flirts with them in class? Suddenly they are accused of drug dealing. The person who you seem to like a bit too much? Suddenly heavy evidence appears that they have been meeting up with a few not very trustable guys.

🎲It is bound to happen sooner or later and it will happen without a warning or signs that something is wrong. Near tries at first to get a spot in his darling’s heart by using all the knowledge he has to become a friend of them and they won’t suspect anything. It’s scary how carefully he has planned all this. He’ll most likely drug his darling and makes sure to leave no clue. It will be like they’ve just vanished into thin air and it’s very unlikely that they’ll ever be found again. He has most likely some house build up just for the reason so the s/o can live there from now on.

🎲Near is honestly similar to a child. He wants to be taken care of and wants to be loved. But he also understands that after kidnapping you, you need some time and he’s willing to wait for you. He really likes touching you, tracing his finger over your skin or touching your hair. He’s completely enraptured with you. If you act up too much he’ll lock you up in an empty and dark room until you’ve learned your lesson. You will love him. It’s only a question of time.

[dermaprimeplusnews]

Derma Prime Plus - Is it really beneficial?

Have you been thinking about an approach to reestablish your skin to what it used to be? Derma Prime Plus is a plant-based skincare item to assist its clients with recovering their energetic skin. Ideally, by perusing this audit, you will acquire knowledge to assist you with bettering if Derma Prime Plus is the thing that you are searching for.

 What is Derma Prime Plus?

Your skin, AKA the epidermis, is the biggest organ of your body. In addition to the fact that it covers your whole body, yet it safeguards your inward organs from unsafe contaminations and the UV beams of the sun. The measure of harm that your skin takes every day is amazing, particularly thinking about how sensitive it is. Different elements can assume a huge part in your skin's wellbeing. Your eating routine, age, dozing propensities, and surprisingly breathing practices directly affect how your skin holds up.

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Until we advance restoratively and arrive at a point with clinical innovation that permits us to invert or ruin the impacts of maturing, we should depend on what is accessible. The majority of us in the United States have attempted a wide assortment of skincare items to help battle everything from dry skin to slick skin, ashy skin to burns from the sun, scars, skin break out, and conceivably quite a few other undesirable events that can happen to our skin.

The vast majority of the items accessible available fill a particular need as far as skincare. Each scope of viability and quality is prepared for buy available too. The genuine inquiry at that point is whether Derma Prime Plus is a quality item deserving of you spending your well deserved cash on.

Derma Prime Plus isn't a cream to apply or anything like that; a specialist doesn't recommend it. It is a pill that is taken every day to recuperate the skin and keep it solid also. The case by the organization that fabricates it is you will see an intense improvement in your skin's wellbeing and regular shine inside a moderately brief timeframe. Your collagen levels will likewise expand, giving your skin back the skip and snugness it had when you were youthful.

One viewpoint I like about Derma Prime Plus is the pills are intended to help improve your skin as well as improve your wellbeing by and large. That is a reward you won't get from any of different creams or different items you will discover available. The best spot to buy Derma Prime Plus is straightforwardly on the organization site.

How Does Derma Prime Plus Work?

 As referenced earlier, Derma Prime Plus works via containers and is jam-loaded with supplement and mineral-rich fixings known to profit the skin and assimilation. That, however they assuage pressure also. Stress is one of the main sources of maturing, particularly with regards to your skin. The body is in a consistent condition of reestablishment, and the skin is continually shedding and recovering new cells. The cell development the skin needs to remain new and solid is discouraged by poison containing free revolutionaries and hefty metals, driving supporters of skin harm. Most harm of this nature happens from the back to front, blend that in with the outer harm brought about by the sun and different poisons, and it tends to be difficult for the skin to remain solid without anyone else. The fixings in Derma Prime Plus are explicitly defined to wipe out the free revolutionaries and poisons that cause long haul harm to the skin's flexibility and sparkle.

Derma Prime Plus just contains normal fixings, for the most part comprising of various home grown concentrates like ginger and beetroot. The fixings are intentionally gainful for a few reasons. One of the advantages of the pills is the job they play in helping absorption. Unhealthiness is one of the main components to lacks inside the body and makes it hard for us to mend from the back to front. By aiding our body better summary food, Derma Prime Plus assists us with engrossing a greater amount of the key supplements essential for a sound body, brain, and soul and, indeed, skin too.

 Processing isn't the lone capacity the cases help improve; another is lessening irritation. In the event that you didn't have the foggiest idea, irritation is one of the main wellbeing worries as of late. Almost all that you do or put into your body causes aggravation. Everything from sugar to pressure to contamination to ordinary exercises expands aggravation in the body. At the point when the body is kindled, it doesn't work as proficiently. Blood stream is limited, and the body's cells get less oxygen and supplements, and water. Essentially, all we require to remain solid, glad, and dynamic is less successfully retained because of irritation.

Subsequently, Derma Prime Plus is an exceptionally valuable enhancement from a few wellbeing viewpoints. The vast majority of individuals in the western world are at any rate somewhat mindful of the mischief irritation and poisons cause in the body, and ideally, find a few ways to diminish both. One issue, however, is the vast majority assume control over-the-counter meds like Ibuprofen. It is genuine Ibuprofen is viable at fighting irritation; it is likewise evident that it is somewhat hard on the organs of the body, especially on the liver. It has been tracked down that long haul, customary utilization of Ibuprofen can make lasting harm the liver and kidneys, conceivably even the stomach's covering. Since that's true, whenever, we can successfully bring down the degrees of irritation in the body without assuming control over-the-counter prescriptions. Normally, we are extraordinarily improving our body's capacity to mend and our own life span.

Derma Prime Plus isn't some insane kind of supernatural occurrence fix that will make you look twenty years more youthful overnight or even in possibly 14 days. The reason for the enhancement is to be utilized day by day for the remainder of your life if conceivable. After some time, the fixings in the item will decidedly influence your body, assisting with renewing your skin and common essentialness. Everybody goes downhill; that is only the manner in which life is; that doesn't mean we ought not do our best to help our body work appropriately and stay young if conceivable. Despite what might be expected, we will likely inventory our body with all things needed for manageable, dynamic living. Once in a while, it tends to be difficult to tell what precisely it is our bodies need to remain solid. The clinical business is continually changing; new eating regimens and crazes are the standards.

The beneficial thing about Derma Prime Plus is the quality fixings. They are demonstrated to give the medical advantages expressed by the organization. Every one of the fixings in the equation has been utilized by healers since there has been composed language. Yet, despite the fact that we realize the fixings are advantageous to us, it isn't generally helpful to devour them. Be that as it may, in container structure, it turns out to be not difficult to take them day by day.

https://ipsnews.net/business/2021/05/04/letilleul-skin-benefits-side-effects-and-ingredients-updated-2021-review/

https://ipsnews.net/business/2021/04/27/derma-prime-plus-real-deal-or-waste-of-money-side-effects-and-ingredients-reports/

[consummate-deviant]

Why I Think Entrapdak is Pretty Neat

Hello!  How’s the family?  Cat treating you okay?  Isn’t autumn just...like… the best?  Anyway, so, my Hordak thing turned out to be kinda popular.  I’m flattered, really!  If there are people out there willing to reward me writing stuff with positive attention, then I’ll just have to write more stuff.  I mentioned back then that I had a similar write-up about Entrapdak, as a ship… and there seemed to be a little bit of interest in hearing my thoughts on the subject. So, here ya go!  I’m Lancer, by the by.  Not a lot to me.  I’m a guy who likes things, and who enjoys articulating why I like things.  I don’t really do it for any particular reason. I’m not trying to pwn haters or convert nonbelievers…  As you may recall, though you might have missed it (I tend to be very lowkey and subtle about it), I’m not your dad and have no interest in the position… unless it pays.  I just feel like the internet doesn’t have enough positivity, and the best way to remedy that is to produce some of my own.  

As fate would have it, I like Entrapdak.  A lot.  I don’t ship often... a relationship has to really sync with me on a profound level to make me invested enough in it to want to write about it, but this one did it.  Now, I’m not really promising originality here.  As someone who explores the tag frequently, I know that plenty have expressed feelings I’m going to share with you here, many of whom did so better than I ever could, but sometimes you want to share your perspective, even if others whose opinions mirror yours have done so in the past, y’know? It’s a human thing! The relationship is a little… polarizing with people, though, I’ve noticed.  A lot of people hate it, and have various reasons for doing so.  Again, I ain’t here to convert you if you feel that way, but I did feel like the best way to kick things off would be to look at some of the major reasons other people tend to react to the ship like it were horseradish on a hotdog, and why those reasons don’t really bother me.  A part that I, in my infinite wit and adorned in my clever pants, have dubbed:

Part 1: Entrapdak- Why I don’t hate it

***EXAMPLE THE FIRST: “HORDAK, THE AGED”***

By now it’s fairly well known that Entrapta is somewhere in the range of her late 20s to her early 30s.  Now a few people refuse to accept this, citing her behavior as childish and accusing the creators of lying.    I’m not really going to engage with that perspective.  Hordak and Entrapta have appeared together in creator works and concept art dating back to 2017.  Their interactions were intended to be a part of the show from the early stages of its creation.  If you have so little faith in Noelle that you believe she planned for her story to have a romantic-coded relationship between an adult and a minor… I don’t know what I can even tell you.

Rather, the perspective that interests me comes from people who accept Entrapta being in the stated age range, but who still find themselves repulsed by the relationship on grounds of age.  ‘She’s an adult, sure, but how old is Hordak?  He could be in his fifties or sixties, or even be hundreds of years old.’  This point of view is at least interesting to think about, so I reckon I can share why this deal-breaker for some doesn’t really bother me.  

To begin,  assigning human ages, and the stigmas thereof, to an alien bat clone just feels strange to me.  The Horde doesn’t seem like the type of place to want to waste resources on alien bat clone daycare... was Hordak born as an infant, or was he artificially developed to his current age?  If it’s the later, do we consider him 0 years old at the moment of his birth, or already an adult?  We don’t have a timescale provided to accurately determine his age, so investing too heavily in trying to learn it seems somewhat tedious and a lotofwhat pointless.

If we do, though, my next question is: what is the element of an age gap that makes it inappropriate?  Now, that’s a personal question, of course. Morality isn’t something that really lends itself to objective declarations, but there are a few answers you can offer.  ‘Morality’ isn’t really the operative word here anyway... since it has more to do with taste, though this particular taste does come from what you believe…  Y’know, it just occurred to me, but…  People who believe that their taste in ships makes them morally superior, and that ships they dislike are supported by moral degenerates, seem like people who just aren’t a lot of fun to be around or think about… but that’s a digression, I’ll refocus my thought-lazer.

For me, with age gaps, it comes down to two things:

1.) Both parties being on the same side of the child/adult divide- I should hope this one sounds reasonable, right?  The ships that really powdered sugar my poptart are the ones that feel like equal partnerships, and relationships that try to cross this line tend to not be especially equal.  

2.) What stage in their lives they’re at-  It’s difficult for even a wizard of self expression like myself to state plainly, so let me give an example: If I saw a 25 year old dating a 50 year old, the 25-year age difference isn’t so much what makes it off-putting, but rather what those 25 years represent in this circumstance.  At age 25, people are still struggling to find themselves.  They’re adjusting to independence, gaining an identity, maybe finally finding an entryway into a career path that suits them.  By 50, a person is already established.  They likely have a career, they have a firm grasp on who they are as a person and what they want to be, and they almost certainly have a greater degree of financial stability.  Thus, if they enter a relationship, which is supposed to be equal, it doesn’t feel that way.  One side has a stronger position than the other, and over time that could become power they use to sway and control the other.

I don’t see Hordak as being in a more advanced stage of his life than Entrapta.  They seem to be at about the same place when it comes to self actualization.  In fact, Hordak is a bit more arrested in his development than Entrapta is, simply because he’s never really thought to question what would make him happy or why.  Hordak rules the Horde, which Entrapta is a part of… which could lead to an imbalance, if Entrapta, like, could be bothered to give even the slightest toss of a salad about status or promotion, but she doesn’t.  Neither of them holds higher ground over the other in a way that’s significant to the two of them.  In terms of life stage, they’re perfectly equal. The fact that Hordak might be physically older than her by some unspecified amount is, by itself, completely arbitrary and meaningless.  

*** EXAMPLE THE SECOND: ‘ENTRAPTA, THE MANIPULATED’***

A second, rarer discussion point for those who are unfond of the ship is that it’s unhealthy, on the grounds that Hordak is manipulating Entrapta.  Taking advantage of her naivete to coerce her into aiding the forces of darkness despite not caring for her at all.  Now, as I mentioned above, I ain’t writing this to change anyone’s mind.  If you’re reading this, and this is a viewpoint you hold as valid, do what makes you happy, homie.  That said, the issue I ran into when I tried to think of why this perspective didn’t bother me was a vexing one. See, I like to fancy myself an empathetic dude.  I try really hard to consider other people’s perspectives when I have a disagreement, and avoid judging anyone too harshly if I don’t know their full circumstance… but even with all that alleged empathy at my disposal… this hot take about Entrapdak is… kinda completely incomprehensible to me? Like, I have no idea how anyone could have seen the interactions between the two and draw this conclusion?

Part of it has to do with how Entrapta is written.  She’s both ADHD-coded and Autistic-coded, and there’s a tendency to perceive the behaviors of both those groups of people as childish.  People who see that ‘childishness’ extrapolate it further to a general innocence/stupidity, and assume the character in question lacks the faculties to engage with other people evenly.

Look, I don’t have ADHD, but I am super, duper autistic.  Having lived with myself for a lifetime, let me just say, I kind of get why this happens.  We get extremely focused on our hobbies, we’re bad at reading social nuance, we have very simplistic body language, we tend to express our emotions in a very blunt and straightforward manner… I get that, for most neurotypical people, the only other group they ever encounter who shares these traits are children, and thus they tend to subconsciously connect the two.  I understand why it happens, even if I do find it awkward and condescending.

…but y’all are underestimating Entrapta.  She’s not helping the horde because she’s helpless and being manipulated. She’s helping them because she has no moral compass to speak of, and will eagerly assist with any scientific endeavor she finds interesting, without care for its ultimate application.  In season 1, she knew well in advance the damage her actions would have on the world, and followed through with them anyway.  In season 2, she happily assisted in the creation of a portal, knowing full-well that its opening would invite a colonialist military force into the vicinity of her home, and only withdrew her support for the project… hesitantly… when it became clearly evident that activating it would eradicate all life on the planet.   At no point is she ever acting while the applications of her actions are being hidden from her by Hordak.  She’s not an innocent child.  

The thing is, though, I agree that Entrapta would be incredibly easy to manipulate… if someone knew what buttons to push. She is very self conscious of how difficult it is for her to form lasting emotional bonds with other people.  She tends to blame herself when she feels she’s been abandoned by others, and feels that her inability make friends is a sign that she’s a defective failure. If someone wanted to manipulate her into doing something she didn’t want to do, they would probably find success if they offered her friendship and then fed into that self loathing, emotionally abusing her by implying that she was indeed a failure, and would be abandoned again if she didn’t obey.  That is totally something someone could do to her, and I would absolutely not enjoy any ship between her and such a person.  Good thing Hordak… y’know… did literally the opposite of that.

***EXAMPLE THE THIRD- “ENTRAPDAK, THE PLATONIC”***

A nice short one to balance out the longer examples above.  Quite a few people just deny that there are romantic implications behind their interactions, and see them as a friendship instead.  I do disagree with this assessment, but honestly, even if it were true, this would still be my favorite relationship in the show.  

Something that has always boggled me about people on the internet is their tendency to treat friendship like some ‘equal but opposite’ force to romance… a status independent of a romantic relationship rather than literally the foundation upon which all successful romantic relationships are built.  Genuine friendship is a beautiful, underrated thing, and acting as though the bond of friendship is inherently less worthy of appreciation than romance is silly.

So… yeah…  platonic Entrapdak… I disagree, but even if you’re right and I’m wrong in the end… I’ll be pretty okay with that, too.  Movin’ on.

***EXAMPLE THE FOURTH: ‘HORDAK, THE IRREDEEMABLE’***

For the last dealbreaker I want to consider today, I figured I’d bring one up that’s a lot like the platonic argument, in my eyes: that an evil guy like Hordak can’t change his ways, even with the power of love.  Thus, the relationship is bust, because what’s the point of of a villain x heroine ship, if not to redeem the villain?

...

So, recently I wrote this whole big thing about Hordak, where I argued in favor of his redemption, and why I felt like that was where the story is going… I stand by the opinions expressed there, but I’d like to ask any who read that to push it out of their mind for now.  Hordak’s redemptive potential is largely irrelevant to my feelings about this ship.  When it comes to entrapdak, when confronted by the possibility that Hordak may remain a villain, my reaction is the most intense and passionate of shrugs.

...I just don’t care.

There’s a tendency to assume that redemption is the aim of a villain ship, and I suppose I can see why that is.  There’s a bit of a stereotype for female fantasies where they fix a broken man with the power of their love, and when people ship villains, that’s probably the first assumption an outsider will make as to why.  I cannot speak for others, but that’s just not a factor in the appeal of their relationship for me.

When you allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of another person, you open yourself up to the risk of being completely devastated by them.  When you show vulnerability to another person, and they accept that side of you, and express vulnerability of their own, you establish a genuine connection with that person, and those connections are kiiiinda one of the most important elements of the human experience.

That Hordak was a villain who did terrible things was always kinda aside from the point of what really makes Entrapta and Hordak such a bewitching pairing for me.  It was always the serendipity of two people who privately believe they’re alone in the world realizing they resonate with one another in a meaningful way.  Resonance is the appeal of Entrapdak, not redemption.

I tend to hope for Hordak’s redemption, I won’t lie, and I do think it’s likely, but I don’t think it’ll be love that redeems him, nor would I want it to be… not entirely.  I like seeing flawed, morally dark/gray characters overcome the obstacles that deny them self actualization, and watching them grow as a result.

That’s got nothing to do with him and Entrapta, though.  Whether the story ends with the pair of them riding into the sunset to collect data and invent shit, or with the pair of them leading the Horde in the name of galactic conquest and terror… I’m down with it either way, dude.   In the context of the ship, I care that Hordak is an evil overlord… about as much as Entrapta does.

However, pseudo-responding to naysayers is a bit negative for my tastes.  I prefer to focus on the positive in life, like the smell of soil and rain on a crisp autumn morning.  I… I’m in a very fall mood, okay?  Sue me.  Y’know what else I like, though?  Entrapdak.  Lemme wax poetic for a bit longer, and I’ll tell ya why this ship is, like, the peanut butter on my blueberry pancakes.

Part 2: Entrapdak- Why I love it

So, uh… If brevity is the soul of wit, I may be something of an idiot.  I’ve made my peace with that, of course, I’m just sayin’: I’m many things, but I’m not pithy.  If someone were to put a gun to my head, though, and demand that I describe the shipping aesthetic I love the most in life in a single sentence… I would probably respond with this:

My favorite ships are ones in which awkward, lonely people bond over a shared fondness of nerdy hobbies.

Now, that sounds super narrow, and it totally is… I don’t get new OTPs very often… but hearing that, I imagine you can see why Entrapta and Hordak immediately appealed to me.  It goes a bit deeper, though.  

The bonds between people are a major part of the story of She-ra.  We see how characters are changed, positively or negatively, by the connection they share with other characters.  Just like in real life, these connections are a mixed bag; some of them are positive, and some are negative.  Some characters, like Hordak and Catra, resonate strongly with one another, but the resonance is a negative force in their lives, which draws them deeper into darkness, and for many of the characters in the show, their character journeys are about breaking free of such toxic relationships and forming healthy bonds.

The bond between Entrapta and Hordak is unique among all bonds in the show though, in that it is the only one that isn’t mixed.  It is an unambiguous positive influence on both of them. Let’s break it down a little bit.

***ENTRAPTA***

Entrapta, at first, seems like the kind of person who isn’t super connected to other people.  At the princess prom, she mentions that she finds observing the relationships of others far more fascinating than forging relationships of her own, and she spends much of the early seasons working alone with her robots, buried in whichever task happens to have her interest in that particular moment.  

Later seasons gradually tear this facade away, though, and reveal a fairly tragic truth hidden behind it.  I mentioned above that she internalizes her failures to form lasting bonds with other people, and is genuinely distraught about it.  When she’s exiled to Beast Island, her frustration at her inability to make friends was the driving force that chained her there, even more so than her love of technology and invention.  It becomes clear that, to some degree, she buries herself in her work to escape her feelings of inadequacy.

This is a relatable and sad thing to realize about a character, but it also has the unpleasant effect of making events that were played for laughs earlier in the show somewhat tragic in hindsight.  Seeing the way she interacted with the Princess Alliance, you could see how she would have come to a very soul-crushing misunderstanding:  That, among other people, she was someone whose presence was… tolerated- at times even appreciated- but never seemed to be enjoyed by anyone. She was the friend everyone sought out when they needed her help, then forgot about.  

This wasn’t the case, of course, and clarifying her value to the group was what ultimately helped her escape the vines in season four, but from her perspective that was how it appeared, and likely how all her previous interactions with other people had gone before that. Some people complained about how easily Entrapta was able to believe that the princesses had left her behind, but it’s the same reason Hordak was so easily able to believe that Entrapta had betrayed him: In the eyes of someone who hates themselves, it’s only a matter of time before others abandon them.  

That said, it also goes to show why Hordak became so special to her.  For the first time in her life, she had a friend who joined her in her workspace, instead of leaving her to a task after giving it to her.  Someone able to converse equally with her about subjects she was interested in.  The elements of herself that made it so difficult to draw closer to others were the very same elements that caused her to get so close to him.  Her intelligence and hyper-focus upon science made her the intellectual peer of a space-faring alien, her lack of awareness of social subtext helped her to see beyond the barriers he put up to keep other people away, and her past experience with failure and rejection helped her to empathize with his pain.

It’s perfectly pleasant to find someone who accepts you and enjoys your company despite not understanding the idiosyncratic elements of your personality, but that pales in comparison to how it feels to find someone who accepts you precisely because they understand those elements.

***Hordak***

Hordak didn’t really have ‘peers’, per se, for most of his life.  We don’t know the level of autonomy the average clone has in the Horde… but I feel comfortable assuming that the level isn’t very high.  Thus, his circumstance differs quite a bit from Entrapta, in that, rather than trying to form bonds with others, and feeling like he failed, for much of his life he never had the chance to try to form them in the first place.

He is, at first, deeply dismissive of the people of Etheria, whom he regards as primitives who are beneath his acknowledgment.  Much of this, as with much of everything that dictates how he treats others, is born of projection… dude has some pretty major self-loathing issues… but regardless of cause, it results in a kind of self-imposed isolation.

Unlike Entrapta, who knew, on some level, that her lack of ability to bond with others troubled her, Hordak kept most of his emotions bottled up... Locked so deeply inside him that not even he really bothered to try to understand them.  That was where her disposition and his meshed perfectly for him.  Because Entrapta was defined by her curiosity, and her lackluster awareness of his attempts to keep her at bay, she was able to metaphorically crack him open, forcing him to vocalize and confront his own motivations.

Sometimes you need someone to just… like... grab you with their hair, push you up against a vat, and demand you tell them everything, man.

I’ve already discussed Hordak fairly extensively in my first blog blurb thingy, and while I repeat myself by accident quite frequently, I’m loathe to repeat myself on purpose.  I just wanted to take the opportunity to marvel at how well their personalities fit together.  Perhaps I’m just high on this feeling: I’ve never actually shipped something a creator so clearly intended to be there, before!

*** In Conclusion***

We’re all born imperfect, and we’ll all die imperfect.  Our imperfections are similar, but never uniform.  Each of us bears jagged cuts and missing sections of many shapes and sizes.  Humans are social creatures, and it’s in our nature to constantly seek one another out.  We keep trying to find people who are strong where we are weak; someone whose missing sections happen to lie in a pattern compatible with our own.

We’ll resonate with many in our lifetime.  Sometimes, the melody will be harmonious, and guide all involved higher and higher into the light of self actualization. Other times the sound will be discordant, and pull us down into self destruction.  Sadly, from our perspective in the middle, it will always be difficult to tell which is which.

I love the relationship between Entrapta and Hordak because it’s a dynamic that elevates both of them.  Not in a moral sense, but in a personal one.  In a series defined by toxic and uneven relationships that wear others down and tear them apart, these two have a dynamic that shelters and reinforces them.  Giving them an opportunity to be glad they were born the way they were, instead of cursing their misfortune.

It’s the kind of relationship that makes me muse about how imperfection really is beautiful.  It’s because we’re imperfect that we never stop trying to harmonize with other people, and if there’s one theme I can’t help but feel that the show itself is building toward, it’s this: Two in harmony surpass one in perfection.  

*** So hey!  Thanks for reading all of that!  Sorry if it was a bit of a mess.  Saying nothing with a great deal of words is a talent of mine, but I really do love these guys, and if you love ‘em too, don’t let anyone grind you down over it!

Let me know if you enjoyed my work, though!  If so, I’ll be happy to share my thoughts on other things, since I’ll be stuck with this series on my brain until I see how my new obsession plays out.  In the meantime take care of yourselves! If you do heavy lifting, make sure to do so with your knees, not your back.  Tell someone who makes your day a little brighter how much you appreciate them.  Then, take some time to savor the greatest of all winter beverages: hot apple cider.

[xhaotixaesthetica]

Property of the Pirate King

 Starlink Intergalactic Navigator 

READ THE TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains abuse, abusive relationships, threats, violence, major character death, kidnap, human slavery, emotional manipulation, disturbing sexual themes, and profanity. The behaviors and relationships depicted below are abusive and unhealthy. These are not examples of healthy relationships, it’s actually the opposite. This is meant to imagine the members of Ateez in a popular anime trope and it in no way represents their real-life personalities and characters. Real-life ATEEZ are actually known for being some of the kindest, most respectful idols in the industry. It’s fiction, it’s for fun, PLEASE DON’T READ IT IF YOU KNOW YOU WON’T LIKE IT OR THIS KIND OF STUFF DISTURBS YOU!

Author’s Note: @zafira-profundis​ Thanks so much for requesting and liking my work, you’re my second ever request and I love you :3 I didn’t feel qualified to make the reader fully blind, because I’m not and I don’t know enough about it. So I compromised and gave them really bad eyesight, but it doesn’t come up much in the story. I’m not particularly happy with this, but I really tried my best and I hope everything else is in line with your request and you enjoy the story!

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 3.1K+

You are in: The Golden Wasteland Star System 

Every second that you spent at Lord Yang’s side was like agony to San.

He hated the way he would touch you. Hated the way he put his disgusting mouth on you and give you sloppy, wet kisses full of tongue that you obviously didn’t want but were unable to refuse.

Ever since Lord Yang bought you two years ago from a group of sketchy, no-name traders on the eastern border of his sand land, all San wanted to do was lock you up and have you for himself.

Like him, you were born a slave. Beaten and weary from everyone who’d ever owned you and all the people who’d tried to take advantage of your impaired eyesight. San was trained to kill and fight for his master since before he could walk while you were a personal slave, bound to serve the needs of your master, whatever they may be.

The desert lands that you were born into were scorching, exhausting, and ripe with death, evil, and danger, things that San was well familiar with.

But you...you were like the moon to him. Like a cool oasis in the nighttime. Just seeing you calmed him down and gave him the strength to survive another day.

You never talked to him. There were few words you ever said and few people you ever spoke to. And somehow, you still managed to be the object of San’s obsessions. The thing he’d chosen to latch onto in his mind’s last-ditch effort to stay sane in these hellish sand-dunes.

San stands ram-rod straight, a posture that was beaten into him long ago, in the doorway of one of Lord Yang’s many parlor rooms while you sit in Lord Yang’s lap, both of you bored and stiff after so long of hearing the old men converse with one another on various sordid business affairs.

Your eyes are glassy and far away as you try to ignore your master’s fingers rubbing slow, sickening circles onto the bone of your hip.

San stares at you out of his peripheral vision, something he’s gotten very good at in the last two years.

It’s any other day: hot, stifling, and miserable until San hears the words fall from his master’s lips.

“Gentlemen, I’ve come to a decision that it would benefit me to sell some of my pets. As a token of my respect to our close business relationship, I’m offering you first pick.”

You showed no movement. You’d been sold many times before and you were used to owners growing bored of their playthings and exchanging them for newer, more amusing ones until the cycle would repeat itself again.

San, however, was very on-edge.

He’d feared these words since the day his master bought you. But you’d been here for two years. Longer than any of his other slaves.

He’d just assumed that, like him, you were there to stay.

Surely, Lord Yang couldn’t mean that he was selling you?

Oblivious to the dilemma of the killer in the corner of the room, the five other men hummed appreciatively. “Which ones are you looking to get rid of?”

It was rare for you and San to ever make eye-contact, but it happened at that moment. You both knew. You could feel it in your bones.

“Ah, the older ones. Momo, Aisha, Yunho, Y/N, and a couple of others.”

With those few words, San could feel his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. If it hadn’t been for his years of training in mastering his facial expressions and body language, he would have crumpled to the floor and cried.

You were leaving him. You were being sold and you would leave him.

“They’re still young, very pretty. They’d fetch a fine price. They’ve just been with me for too long. I’ve grown tired of them.”

San decided right then and there that he’d kill every single man in this room.

No one would ever buy you again.

He’d kill them all and take you with him.

He couldn’t be without you, he just couldn’t.

Without his oasis, he’d die. He’d burn to death from the inside out in this wretched, wicked wasteland.

San had always been Lord Yang’s favorite. He was faithful and loyal. His duality amused him, his normally smiley disposition masking a hidden dark persona that was released when he fought and sometimes at random throughout the day. Plus, the boy had grown up by Lord Yang’s side, learning to protect his master and guard his life before he could even speak.

San was simultaneously like his favorite dog and the son he’d never had.

And San savored the look of betrayal in his eyes when they shot open in the middle of the night, right after San had taken his blade to his throat.

The same blade that had been the demise of so many at his master’s bidding, was now his undoing.

The night air was cooler, the sand still warm under your feet from the heat of the day as you trailed behind San.

You didn’t know how he’d managed to do it. To kill not only your master, but five other powerful men without any of their bodyguards being alerted and still find time to steal water, provisions, and equipment for the long journey ahead.

San’s first priority was you and he knew he might not be able to sneak you out if he tried to wake and free every single slave. So he settled for freeing you, Yunho, Mina, and Aisha.

Mina and Aisha went in separate directions at the beginning. They, like Yunho, were stolen and were not born slaves. They had families to return to and mouths to feed.

Yunho trailed alongside you and San for about an hour before he, too, had to diverge his path from yours.

Yunho had been a slave for three years and you hoped with all your heart that he reunited with his mother and younger brother, Jongho, even after so long.

You and San were the only ones with no home to return to.

You didn’t know where he was taking you and you hadn’t asked, but you suspected he was trying to escape the desert.

Few people had ever made it that far, but there were plenty of tales to tempt them. Tales of lands with an abundance of water and plants. Where there were no sand lords like the late Lord Yang and people were free, without being slaves.

You doubted that there even was anything beyond the sand lands, but you were willing to try. You had a better chance of surviving with San than you did by yourself, and it’s not like you had anywhere else to be.

Days passed with the consistent cycle of sleeping during the day and traveling at night with meals and water in between.

It was tough getting used to San being so close to you. You were used to his bright smile and bubbly disposition and random fits of anger and silence from two years of serving the same master, but it was different experiencing it up close.

You were the only ones you had to talk to now and San’s chatter never ceased, you didn’t even know what he had to talk about, you were both in the desert for god’s sake.

But as annoying as he could get, you much preferred this San to the one that would make an appearance sometimes. That rarer San was quieter, yes, but he stared at you with the hunger of a predator, licking his lips like you were something to eat.

As the days dragged on, you were beginning to think you were right.

You and San passed sand land after sand land, not seeming to be any closer to getting out of this scorching hell-hole.

But the more towns you passed and the more black and white flags with orange stripes that you two saw, you were beginning to have other things on your minds. There wasn’t a single person in any part of this desert that didn’t have their blood turn cold at the sight of those flags.

They’re the mark of Ateez and the Pirate King.

If there was anyone’s territory you didn’t want to be caught in, it was the Pirate King’s.

“It’s ok,” San said one day as you both laid in a sand cave to get some rest. You were too far from a sand land to find an inn and even though you were very exposed like this, there was no other option. This was better than getting second-degree burns under the hot sun.

“I’ll protect you,” he told you with a bright smile and a giggle before turning over.

You weren’t so convinced, lying awake for at least a couple of hours before you finally managed to fall into a restless slumber.

There was a bounty on San’s head for the six important men he killed, and most likely one on yours too for running off with him. If the Pirate King decided to turn you both in for the money, you didn’t stand much of a chance.

San was an outstanding fighter, but he was still just one man. Every man has their limitations.

San, as you would come to find, did not know his.

“How many kids do you think we’ll have?” he asked one day at one of the rare oases you’d been able to find.

You paused from where you were washing off some of the sand and grime that was quick to build upon your skin.

Had you just heard him correctly?

“I....I don’t want kids,” you said quietly. Not here, in this cruel desert wasteland. You’d never bring a child here to have them ripped away from you and sold off, as so many were. And you certainly wouldn’t have one with San.

The minute the words escaped your mouth, you could tell that his entire demeanor changed, even without being able to really see much more than the blurry blob of his frame at this distance.

His eyes seemed to be darker and his movements a bit jerkier as he looked at you blankly before a smirk slowly spread across his lips.

“We’ll have three. Yeah, three’s a good number. And the first son will be named after me.”

You said nothing as San switched modes again, voice soft and melodious once more as he went back to washing his hair.

You knew that whenever you two reached your destination, you had to find a way to get away from him.

The longer you stayed with him, the more delusional he seemed to become.

The first time you see the Pirate King’s face is a few days later when you wake up and see him leaning over you with a smirk.

It’s hard to make out any of the details of his face when you pair your fear with your strained and impaired eyesight, but the one thing you so recognize is his hair. It’s an intense blue, the color of the ocean it’s rumored he sailed on from the island of his birth.

“Hello kitten,” he drawled.

You looked frantically around the sand cave that you and San had decided to camp out in for the night.

He was nowhere to be seen.

And neither was the cave. Or the clothes you’d been in.

You were in a lavish room, your body decked out in fine silks and sparkling jewelry. Things you’d wear when you were in the presence of your slave owner.

How long had you been asleep? How had he done all this without you noticing? What had he done to San?

“S-San,” you sputtered out to him, unable to see the way his expression darkened at the name. “Where’s San?”

“Don’t worry about him, love,” he said, the underlying tone of malice and warning in his voice made you tremble.

“I’ve been watching you for the past couple of days. I know who he is and what he’s done. If I left you with him, you’d be running in circles the rest of your life, sleeping in caves and wondering where your next meal was going to come from as you tried to avoid the bounty hunters that want to bring the sand lords San’s head on a silver platter.”

He was closer now, so close you actually see how dark his eyes were as he caressed your cheek.

“You deserve more than that, kitten. Now that you’re mine, you’ll have everything that you could ever want.”

Everything but being away from you, you whispered in your mind, not daring to speak the words aloud.

Being a sand lord’s slave was one thing, but the Pirate King...You’d heard of the things this man has done, the atrocities he’s committed. The Pirate King is a monster.

His world was a lawless, bloody web of death, chaos, and misery that you could never escape from.

You thought escaping from Lord Yang was a good thing, but if this was where it landed you then you desperately wished you could take it all back.

And what of your traveling companion?

He was a mad man but he’d risked his life protecting you on multiple occasions and you were scared of what would happen if you were left along with the man in front of you for even a second longer.

“I want to see San,” you whispered with all the courage you had welled inside of you, eyes squeezed shut and already flinching away from Hongjoong’s reaction.

It was silent for a beat before he scoffed, ignoring your yelp of shock as he hauled you to your feet.

“OK, kitten. Let’s go see San.” he laughed, a cruel sound that made you feel like hail beating against your ears.

You were halfway out of the door when a force suddenly slammed you against the doorway. It was Hongjoong, eyes glaring at you, dark and cold and furious. His hand was locked around your throat, cutting off your oxygen supply, his grip so tight that you felt your feet start to lift from the ground.

His voice was sugary sweet, words far too slow for the rate at which your lungs were starting to burn.

“I’ll let you have this one thing, kitten. You don’t know me and I haven’t trained you yet, so it’s ok.”

Your nails dug into his skin, a fruitless attempt to get him off of you but he just kept going like he didn’t feel it. The sweetness was gone from his voice now. It was cold and monotoned as he slammed you against the wall, your body going limp for a moment at the pain that exploded in your skull.

“I’m your owner. You do what I tell you, understand? From now on, you only want what I say you can want. Do you understand me, kitten?”

You nodded frantically and he let you go, looking at you in disgust as you collapsed in a heap on the floor, gasping for air and whimpering at the pain in your head.

Hongjoong just nudged you impatiently with his foot.

“Get up. You wanted to go see San, remember?”

Hongjoong made you hold his hand as you walked down the many corridors of his palace and you obliged out of fear of both him and all the vile, suspicious characters he seemed to have lurking around his otherwise immaculate architecture.

Minutes passed before you and Hongjoong entered a courtyard in the center of the palace. It was dark and cool, a dome of black glass overhead shielding you from the beaming sun and plants even grew here.

But you didn’t like the way everyone leered at you, whispering about Hongjoong’s new Pirate Queen as he marched you both up to a stone dais where an immaculate golden throne sat on the far side.

It was only once the Pirate King had seated you on his lap and you looked around a little that you realized San lay in chains on the other end of the dais.

Instantly, the thought struck you that the man before you, probably about to be killed, was undoubtedly the one you were better off with.

San knew it too. You couldn’t really see his face, not at this distance, but you could just tell in the way his dark-clad blurry figure moved.

He chuckled darkly as Hongjoong’s guards shuffled him toward the center of the dais. The silhouettes of the tons of people in the room were moving wildly, your ears ringing with cheers as people clapped for the most action they had seen in a while.

They didn’t care that a man was about to die. Death seemed to be the status quo under Hongjoon’s rule, not only an everyday occurrence but a pleasure.

“I love you!” San cackled wildly.

No, you don’t, you wanted to say as tears streamed down your cheeks. You don’t know how to love anything. But you don’t know hate either and that’s why I’m scared for you to leave me here with him. You’re the lesser of two evils.

But nothing would come out.

You were acutely aware of the man whose lap you sat on. You knew he was watching you and you knew you would be already be punished for shedding tears for another man.

As the cheers rose, you were infinitely glad for your terrible vision. You already wished you couldn’t hear, not because of the crowds but because of San’s terrifying laughter as he was pushed onto his knees and surrounding by jeers for his death.

You’d never heard a laugh that sounded so little like a symptom of happiness. San’s laughter was something that could bring the end of days and for a moment you wished it did.

And then it was over.

Not really, they hadn’t killed San yet. It seemed like they were planning on drawing this out as long as possible.

No, the laughter was over. San was crying now. Sobbing. Begging.

“Y/N, I don’t want to leave you!”

“Please help me, it hurts!”

“Don’t let them hurt me, you’re supposed to love me!”

You felt like you couldn’t breathe as you heard his voice, so soft and sweet and sad. So different to the bone-chilling laughter that had just escaped him moments before. He almost sounded like a child. Like someone that even the most cold-hearted of people should never be able to hurt.

But Hongjoong can. And he will.

You didn’t love San and you never had, but he was about to be killed because of Hongjoong’s obsession for you and he was begging you to save him and you just can’t.

“No, no, kitten,” Hongjoong’s hands are rough and not gentle at all as he snaps your head back into position, forcing you to look at the blurry sights of a tall man standing over San’s hunched, chained figure with something long and and shiny.

“You’ll see every detail of his death that you’re able to. After this, you’ll really be mine. The property of the Pirate King.”

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