#some of them make my sims mouths look weird so I try to avoid those but these four??? chefs kiss

[ophernelia]

hi! i wanted to say that i love your content so much you’re definitely an inspiration!! i love how much effort and creativity you put into lykaia it is really amazing 🥰 if you don’t mind me asking what are some of the animators that you would recommend?

Thank you so much!! I’ve got a longer list of my favorites in my resource list, but my top ones are:

- Rascgal. Absolutely amazing. I think I use their animations in every episode of Lykaia. All Sfw.

- Sova. Also use their animations in every episode. All Sfw.

- E404p. I use both their sfw and nsfw animations all the time.

- Kikichain. Same as E404p. Loveeeee Kikichain. Wish they’d come back and make more animations, but I use the ones they’ve already made a lot lol.

[guigz1-coldwar]

Lucky Sims (Lawrence Sims/Freya 'Wraith' Helvig) NSFW +18

Summary: Sims has been captured during a CIA operation in Verdansk but his captor got...a different idea with him...

Shit...my head was still trying to remember what happened last night during our operation against Perseus in Verdansk, the last thing I was able to see was Adler going to the extraction point as I was going to join him & the others until then, it was the big blackout for me and if my head was hurting, that was surely meaning that someone knocked me out...dammit, in Perseus hands...not lucky at all.

And now, it was sure that I was in a cell, guards looking over me to wake up to make me talk, to beat the shit out of me until someone managed to save my ass out of the place I was held but...instead of waking up in a cell as I predicted, why the fuck I was in a normal bedroom on a bed...my both wrists in handcuffs on each side of the bed.

“Uhm...is there anyone here?” I spoke up in the room, trying to find out where I was, looking at the opened door. “Nobody?” I added after a few seconds, hearing nothing at all until then, some noises came from the door.

“Mister Sims, finally awake,” I moved my eyes to see a woman with blond mohawk hair, arriving at my sight, a black outfit with Perseus insignia on it and a mask covering her face. “I’ve been wondering when you will wake up,”

“Who are you? Why the fuck I’m handcuffed to the bed?” I asked in a confused voice as she was closing the door behind her.

“I’m going by Wraith, you may have heard of me, I presume,” She told me, seemingly locking the door with a key.

“Yeah, ex-NIS agent, quite a story but there’s something I need to know now,” I said before taking a deep breath. “Why am I on that bed instead of a cell, handcuffed?”

“What?” It was simply out of necessity,” She replied, taking off the bulletproof vest she was wearing on top of her black tactical suit. “For the place, let’s just say that we’re in a secure place when you & I could talk easily,”

“Wait, it’s just you & me in here, not even another of your bodyguards at all?” I said and she nodded at me, removing the mask off her face, seeing it fully and a smile on it. “You know what? I don’t like it,” I hissed.

“Perhaps but you don’t have any choice but to comply, mister Sims,” She put herself in front of the bed, her hands posed around her waist and...looking at me with a curious look. “Tell me, why do you think I captured you for?” She questioned me.

“It seems pretty obvious, you got me...handcuffed to a bed, so it’s sure that you want to interrogate me about where’s my team hiding in Verdansk,” I suggested to her but she only shook her head to me, putting her hands on the bed, near my shoes.

“No, I wanted to know...things…” She started to remove my left shoe, making my eyes go damn wide at what she was doing in front of me.

“Uhm...what’re you doing here?” I asked her, confused at my highest point.

“Seems pretty obvious, I’m stripping you out of your clothes, mister Sims,” She responded, moving to take off my other shoe. “I want to know things…” She repeated before she got slowly on the bed on her four.

“Is it a way to interrogate me?” I proposed, almost breaking a laugh out of my mouth. “Because if yes, it ain’t working and that’s going a bit far for me,” I added as I was watching getting closer to me, near my jewels.

“Tell me, do you think you’re hard enough to fuck me?” She demanded, peaking her eyes at me and getting her left hand on my private part...Sims...shit…”Answer me,” She ordered,

“I don’t know,” I whispered, my voice almost breaking because I didn’t have any clue about the situation: a Perseus agent wants to get fucked by me…

“I’m taking it as a yes, let’s take this off,” She began to unzip my pants before, with her two hands, she pulled down my pants, unable for me to resist her moves as if I was paralyzed but my legs were fine...was it her doing that.

She continued to pull my pants down away from me as I was blushing in shame to let this happen and obviously, I was handcuffed, impossible to do a simple thing to escape. She then threw my pants away, discovering my blue boxers and coming near them before taking them off too.

“Wow, I thought I will have to warn you up,” She commented, her eyes all wide as she was observing my cock already aroused, I couldn’t look at her in the eyes at all. “Hey, look at me,” She ordered in a normal voice and with no choice, I complied.

“Is that strange?” I objected as if I was talking to myself, seeing her face looking amazed.

“Oh no, it seems that I affect you, mister Sims,” I then start to feel her hands around my thighs, her head getting closer to my cock before she used her tongue to lick my glans. “I didn’t blow you out and I’m already feeling that you’re tasteful,” She commented.

“Uhm...shit…” I chuckled and she winked at me, a smile on her face.

“Come on, just relax and...let me do my things,” She advised with me trying to realize how fucked I am right now, and then, she opened her mouth, getting my dick inside of it.

“Dammit,” I mumbled as her lips were feeling cold as she was slowly moving her head to suck me out.

She was very strange but she was looking very in need to do this, her brown eyes weren’t stopping to look at me in my own eyes, probably wondering what was my reaction to her actions and myself, I couldn’t know how the fuck I should react right now: a Perseus agent is...shit...

The more I was thinking about it, the more I was getting into trouble to continue about how the fuck I managed to get myself here. Wraith was now beginning to going deeper & a bit faster than before, her lips going hot as she was trying to move my pelvis with her hands.

She wasn’t kidding when she wanted this and somehow, I was starting to like it but still confused about it. She then stopped herself to catch a breath, her saliva all around my cock, a big smile on her face.

“And you didn’t cum yet, big boy,” She stated, getting one of her hands around my dick, not stroking it, just holding it.

“This is...I don’t know how to feel, it’s fucking weird,” I told her as she was starting to kneel in front of me between my legs.

“I know but I’m having my fun, do you?” She asked, sincerely and curious on her face, she wanted to know...I slowly nodded. “I knew it, I knew that you will be willing to continue,”

“Wait, I didn’t say that,” I protested.

“You nodded to me so let’s see how your dick will be in my pussy,” She then starts to unzip her tactical suit to the maximum, admiring her body...looking like a damn girl to me. “You’re liking it, do you?”

“Yes,” I breathed as she was finishing to unzip her suit to the bottom where I could see her pussy, looking ready to me. “Wait, are you sure about it?” I demanded, worried about something,

“Don’t worry, I already took my pills, and besides, no need of lube, you’re already ready,” She tried to reassure me, moving her body near my dick, still holding it with her hands before she got up to insert it right into her pussy. “Mmhm...feeling so good,”

“Oh my god,” I muttered, my hands still around those handcuffs, trying to relax them as my body was struggling the pleasure.

“Sims, your dick is so nice, let’s ride,” She whispered before she put her hands on my chest, unbuttoning my blue shirt to reveal my chest as she was starting to slowly move alongside my pelvis, my cock inside of her.

She was staying on top of me, her left hand touching my right shoulder and stroking it as she was using her right hand to caress her own boobs, keeping grinning at me, thinking that I was loving the show she was pulling out...and slowly, she was starting to be right...that girl was so...nice…

Feeling her around me, it was making something that I didn’t experiment in days...maybe months of fighting Perseus and now, I’m literally fucking a Perseus agent...very literally...and not by my own will…

“Always in your little thoughts, right Sims?” She broke out of my thoughts as she was starting to go faster in her ride.

“Yes...mmhm...fuck…” I groaned in pleasure at more she was continuing…

“Herregud! [Oh my god!]” She moaned too, removing her hands off my, her right hand stroking her boobs as she was now using her left one to stroke her pussy faster while she was on me. “Sims, you’re so fucking nice to fuck with,” She complimented.

“I….fuck...Wraith...girl…” I tried to speak up but her moves avoided me to do an entire sentence without been taken away by the lust. “Wraith!” I said, sounding like I was loving that name.

“Sims, fuck me in the ass,” She stopped herself to lean on me, sounding to plead with that.

“What?” I chuckled.

“You heard me, you’re going to fuck me in the ass and for that, I’ll free your hands,” She proposed to me, slowly moving her hands on my chest to get on my arms. “Fuck me, just fuck me, okay?” She demanded.

“Okay, I will, I promise,” I whispered, and by the second I said that she was already getting her hands towards the handcuffs to open them.

She freed my hands and honestly, I could have run away like that to retrieve my freedom, quickly taking my clothes and running like hell but I was surely going to get shot at by her and maybe broke a promise I made...so...I couldn’t do that and frankly, I needed to release myself, she warmed me a lot and it was going to take days if I didn’t do a thing about it.

As she let me free, she allowed me to go up before she put the handcuffs near the pillows, and then, she was putting herself on her fours, right at the position I was, astonished and surprised to see her like that.

“Come on, Sims, shove it in it, fuck my ass!” She ordered in a clear voice, her head against the bed as she was spreading her ass with her hands.

“My god, Wraith, you’re...amazing,” I commented, the first time seeing a person like that…

“Thanks but now, pull it in,” She repeated, thanking me nonetheless before I approached her from behind, her ass still spread by her hands. “Okay, Sims, everyone will go fine,” I spoke to myself, wanting to reassure me before I put my cock right into her ass.

“Ow...fuck…” She moaned, feeling it inside of her ass, her hands already going away on the pillows.

I put my hands around her pelvis before I start to fuck her in the ass, going very slowly for her in case to not hurt her...damn, her ass was feeling so damn fine...her hands were telling me how she was, seeing them sometimes holding the pillows firmly and her face, turning around sometimes, was looking pleading to have more.

“Faster, faster!” She said in a pleading voice and by the second, I felt obliged to comply, going faster.

I did...and I was going faster than before, slamming my body against her ass as she was really wanting it for good, each time hearing her groan, even, she was whispering my own name in a low voice, trying to hide it but I was able to hear it. She then redressed herself, making me move my left hand gently around her neck.

“Yes, yes….” She shouted, her voice taken over by our actions in bed.

“Wraith...I’m...starting to….” I tried to say as I was going faster inside of her, holding her as if she was precious as my cock was soon going to cum inside of her ass.

“Wait, cum on my face, it’s better,” She suggested, moving away from me to turn around freely at me before she started to stroke my dick faster with her hands. “Come on, cum on me,” She said.

“Wraith...I’m cumming…” I warned her, feeling myself close to orgasm until then, loads of cum came out of my cock, landing right on her face and also on her shoulders.

I was...so relieved and...also so amazed by what I did, never thinking in my life that ‘fucking with the enemy’ was going to be literal as fuck but now, I literally fucked Wraith...the deadly Perseus agent we all heard about, she was in front of me, cum all over her face and her shoulders.

She was very looking happy with it, not even trying to clean it up from her, even going to take a small part of the cum she was having around her lips on her fingers before pulling them in her mouth, tasting it…

“Hmm...so much better than the other one,” She stated to me as I was sitting down on the bed, exhausted.

“Better than the other one?” I repeated, getting curious about it.

“What? Adler didn’t tell you?” She said, sounding normal as she was still tasting my own cum...don’t look at her...but my eyes went wide at hearing doc’s name out of her mouth, “I fucked with him but it was less impressive than you,”

“Uhm...are you saying that you fucked with him while he was captive to you?” I sounded shocked to hear that and she normally nodded...oh shit…”Is that just sick?”

“No, it was just a way to see how strong the ‘America’s Monster’ was and this reputation isn’t really badass for me,” She scoffed, looking at me with a smile, cleaning up the remaining cum around her lips with her tongue.

“Dammit, just learning that Doc fucked with you...better to not talk about it,” I suggested to her and she laughed as I was picking up my pants on the floor. “What?” I asked her.

“No, nothing, you’re just amazing, Lawrence Sims,” She replied, saying my full name.

“What about you, Freya Helvig?” I asked her back in a good voice, knowing her full name too.

“I guess that I can let you free now,” She simply told me like that, crossing her legs on the bed.

“Are you saying that I can leave like that? Not a trap by you?” She shook her head to me.

“No, as I said, I was alone, we’re in an abandoned house near Verdansk in the Kastovian countryside,” She responded, looking outside through the window. “I’m releasing you because you were amazing,” She added.

“And if I wasn’t?” I demanded, curiously.

“Well, I would have kept you here for my fun but…” She then stopped herself to look at me as I was putting on my pants again. “About that, do you think that...the two of us can maybe...one day, see each other again like that?”

“You mean, knocking me out, strapping me to a bed, and fucking with me?” I proposed, breaking a laugh with her about it.

“Why not? If it’s the only way to get you inside of me, I will...and sorry for the head by the way,” She said, apologizing for hitting me on the head, not hurting anymore. “Even if we’re on opposing side, we can still have fun...you & me,”

“We’ll see how our respective sides go to decide about it,” I stated, threading my shoes at my feet, Wraith still looking at me with good eyes. “To say that a CIA agent & a Perseus agent fucked in an abandoned house…” I scoffed, laughing inside of me.

“Quite a story to tell but...I’m pretty sure that the two of us will see each other,” She told me as I was getting up from the bed, fully dressed...except for one thing. “Don’t worry, here it is,” She moved her hands to grab a cap...my baseball cap on the nightstand near the bed.

“Thanks,” I put it back on, a smile on my face. “So, you’re really going to let me go, hope you will have a good story to tell your boss,” I advised as she wasn’t going to stop me at all.

“I can say the same about you,” She joked about me, knowing that I will have to do the same with the team back at the safe house. “Also hoping that we don’t try to shoot at each other next time,”

“We’ll try about it,” I told her, readjusting my cap before walking next to her before deciding, like that, to land a kiss on the top of her head just near her hair. “Have a nice day, Wraith, and don’t get yourself killed, we still have the next time for us maybe,” I whispered before starting to walk back to the door of the room.

“Of course, to next time, Sims,” She waved at me with a smile on her face still with cum on it before I stepped outside the room, letting the door opened.

Oh….my...god....first, I was still amazed and shocked that Wraith didn’t kill me and the turn of events that happened in that room, my thoughts on it as I was getting out of the house, not hearing a noise behind me...I was shocked...but feeling so good, she’s a nice girl...I hope that we can meet each other and now...I have to find my way back to the safe house...and bring a good excuse...a damn one….

[singledarkshade]

Can I Return This Gift

Summary: When Gideon's former friend sends her an email on her birthday, she has no idea that it contained government secrets and would change her life forever. The TimeShip Chuck AU no one asked for but I had to write. Author’s Note: I was watching Chuck and somehow my brain came up with this AU. I blame @incendiaglacies completely. Anyway, enjoy.                                ********************************************* “You know this is your party,” Gilbert said, sitting beside his sister, “For your birthday. Why are you hiding in your room?”

“Because everyone here are all friends of you and Gary,” Gideon frowned, “And none of mine.”

Gilbert frowned in the way only an overprotective older brother could, even if there was only ten minutes between them.

“All the people here have connections. They are able to help you get a proper job,” Gilbert frowned, “One where you’re might actually live up to your potential.”

Gideon clenched her fists in annoyance, this was an argument they’d had many times and she didn’t want to repeat it.

“The last time I had an interview they asked why I didn’t finish University?” Gideon snapped, forcing her annoyance down, “And I can’t lie because they check. They won’t believe I was kicked out for something I didn’t do.”

Wrapping his arm around her, Gilbert hugged him sister, “I know but it’s been five years. I just want you to show part of the ambition you had back then.”

Gideon opened her mouth to retort but as she heard Gary outside, she sighed, “Let’s go to the party.”

 Zari leaned back in the computer chair with her feet on the bed, “I love your brothers, but some of their friends are…” she shuddered.

Gideon smiled, “I know.”

Zari took another bite of the cake she had stolen from an annoyed Gary, while Gideon unclipped her hair and shook it out.

“Hey,” Zari said suddenly, “Miranda Coburn remembered your birthday.”

Surprise filled her, “What?”

“Miranda Coburn, the bitch that lied and got you kicked out of school has sent you an email,” Zari told her.

Gideon let out a sigh, “That’s unexpected.”

“Not the word I would use,” Zari noted.

Opening it Gideon frowned, “What the hell?”

Zari read the email, “The ship has been boarded by pirates and you have no way out. What do you do?” turning to Gideon she asked, “What does that mean?”

“It’s from one of the text based videogames we used to play,” Gideon said, frowning in annoyance at the memories this was bringing up, “We created our own around a group of time travellers on a ship.”

Zari laughed, “Okay, you’ve always been so cool,” she stretched, “Alright, I have to go. I will see you in the morning.”

Gideon hugged her friend, “Thanks for coming.”

“Would not have missed it for the world,” she smiled, before she climbed out the window leaving Gideon alone.

Brushing her hair out Gideon kept glancing at the computer wondering why, after all this time, Miranda would contact her. She tried to ignore it, but her curiosity was far too strong, and Gideon reopened the email.

“Strap yourself in,” Gideon typed the answer, “And open the airlocks.”

The screen suddenly seemed to melt and pictures flashed before her, Gideon couldn’t look away standing frozen until the screen flashed ‘Download Complete’.

Gideon stared at the screen for a moment before she collapsed in a heap on her bedroom floor.

   “I didn’t think you drank that much last night,” Zari noted as Gideon sat with her head on the desk of the AI Crew booth.

“I didn’t,” Gideon groaned against the strange headache she’d had all morning, before sighing and looking around, “Where’s Felicity and Cisco?”

Zari smiled, “The kids are getting coffee to keep going as they come off their energy drink high.”

Gideon sighed, “You know soon they’ll graduate and leave us here as they head to their exciting careers.”

Patting her shoulder, Zari replied, “Time to be the responsible one in the crew.”

Felicity and Cisco appeared carrying their large cups from the specialty coffee place just a few doors down in the shopping plaza.

“Okay, guys,” Gideon said, “We have a computing killing virus making the rounds. It is on Isabel Roschev’s website, yes the porn star, so lonely guy calls are going to be….” she trailed off as the information on the televisions playing around the store distracted her and strange images filled her head along with knowledge she shouldn’t have, “He’s already here,” she murmured.

“Are you okay?” Cisco asked.

Gideon shook her head, “Yes, sorry. Everyone should get back to work.”

As they dispersed Gideon shook herself, it was going to be one of those days.

   Gideon sat going through paperwork for the offsite work the team did. It was something she tried not to let pile up, although every so often it was inevitable.

The bell rang and she grabbed it, “Not now, Zari.”

“Should I come back later?” a man asked, surprisingly with an English accent.

Gideon winced realising it was a customer, and slowly looked up to see a man standing with an amused smile on his face. And it was a nice face, with sharp kind green eyes, sandy hair and beard.

“I’m sorry,” Gideon realised she was staring, “What can I do for you?”

He pulled out a phone and passed it to her, “I’m having issues with my phone. I don’t seem to be getting calls and can’t make them either.”

“Oh,” she recognised the model, “Yes, this is a common problem with this type of phone. If you give me a few moments…” she opened the back and pulled out the battery explaining as she worked, “The sim card needs to be locked in place and although it might seem to be in correctly, it isn’t always,” she replaced the battery before closing the case and handing it back to him.

“Thank you…”

“Gideon,” she smiled.

“Gideon,” he said before reciprocating, “I’m Rip. Thank you for your help and not treating me like I’m a complete idiot.”

Chuckling softly Gideon nodded, “Well, that’s what I’m here for.”

“It’s also nice to hear a familiar accent,” Rip told her.

“I was thinking the same,” Gideon replied softly, “I moved here a few years ago to go to school. You?”

Rip shrugged, “I travel for my work.”

“Gideon,” a call came across the floor.

Sighing she said, “I apologise but I’m needed. It was nice to meet you.”

“And you, Gideon.”

As she headed over to help Nate, Gideon turned back to look at where he stood. He smiled before heading out the store.

                                 *********************************************

 Gideon wondered how this week had turned out to be so weird. After the email from Miranda, her computer crashed, someone broke in to the apartment trying to steal said computer (where had Zari learned to throw a tennis ball like that) and the odd flashes of information in her head, Gideon just wanted the week to end.

Zari had decided that they were heading out to get a drink and have some fun. Reluctantly Gideon agreed which was why she was heading into Zari’s favourite club. The blasting music surrounded her the moment she stepped inside, and Gideon followed her friend to the bar. Zari pushed her way in, making sure the barman saw her to try to get their drinks before anyone else.

“Can I buy you a drink?” a familiar voice asked from her side.

Gideon turned, “Rip? I didn’t expect to see you here?”

He smiled at her and Gideon felt her stomach flutter slightly, “I wanted a quiet drink, I appear to have chosen the wrong place.” At her confused look, he chuckled, “A friend of mine works here and he’s letting me stay with him until I get a place of my own. I’m just picking up the keys.”

She laughed.

“Would you like to go somewhere for a drink that we can talk?” Rip asked, hope in his gorgeous green eyes.

“She’d love to,” Zari spoke up.

Gideon turned to her friend, slightly annoyed, “I can’t just abandon you.”

“Of course you can,” Zari grinned, “I can see some of the other guys in the corner. Go, have a drink, have some fun.”

Rip was waiting as she turned back to him, “Don’t feel under any pressure.”

“I’d like that,” Gideon said softly.

He motioned her to join him and they headed to a bistro just along the block, managing to get a table quickly and soon Gideon had a glass of white wine while Rip had a scotch.

“I’m glad you agreed,” Rip said, “I don’t know many people in town and I’m moving here so it’s nice to make a new friend. Especially one as smart and beautiful as you.”

Gideon chuckled, “You just want to keep on my good side, so I’ll set up your home computer.”

“No,” he protested before smiling, “My TV and home cinema system actually.”

They talked for an hour or so, Gideon enjoying herself immensely.

“Do you feel like a walk along the strip?” he asked, “You can show me the best places to eat and where to avoid.”

Gideon nodded, “Only if we stop for ice cream.”

“I will follow your lead,” Rip slid off his stool and offered her his hand.

   The night was warm as they walked slowly still deep in conversation. She found that she liked Rip. It had been a while since she’d liked anyone in that way, not since Andy.

Hearing footsteps behind them Gideon caught the reflection of a blonde woman and several men walking behind them.

“The ice cream shop is coming up,” Gideon said, confused when Rip wrapped his arm around her waist and propelled her past it, “What are you doing?”

“I’m so sorry, Gideon,” Rip stated as he suddenly produced a gun making her yelp in fear, “But I lied to you. We’re being followed and the people following us are after you.”

“What do you mean they’re after me?” Gideon demanded.

He tugged her along one of the alleys, pulling her back against him placing his hand over her mouth as the blonde and her friends walked past.

“Okay, I need you to listen to me,” Rip said softly in her ear, “I work for Argus and I need you to tell me if you’ve heard from Miranda Coburn.”

“Miranda?” Gideon demanded when Rip let her go.

“Yes, she’s an Argus agent too.”

“I,” she shook her head, “I got an email from her a few days ago.”

“Did you open it?” Rip asked, starting them moving again, “Gideon, this is very important. Did you open it?”

Gideon nodded, “It was just something from an old game we’d made and then pictures.”

“You saw them,” Rip said, pulling her towards the tower building as he suddenly started talking into thin air, “This is Hunter, extraction required.”

“I don’t understand,” Gideon cried, unable to stop him from pulling her onto the rooftop, “What are you talking about? You’re saying Miranda Coburn is a spy?”

“A rogue spy,” Rip replied, “I know you’re scared and I’m sorry, Gideon. I truly am,” he let out a sigh, “I’m going to point my gun at you in a moment and I need you to not panic.”

Confused, Gideon froze as a woman’s voice came from behind her.

“You know,” the blonde who had been following them said, “This was supposed to be a nice easy mission. Grab the geek, get the information and get out of here. But as usual, Hunter you have to get involved in things that don’t concern you.”

“Well we don’t all try just to shoot or punch our problems, Sara,” Rip retorted.

While they were both distracted, Gideon took the opportunity to try and run hearing Rip call her name, she stalled as more information filled her mind.

“They’re going to kill him,” Gideon said.

Rip frowned, “Kill Who?”

“Eiling, the general,” Gideon told them.

Sara frowned, “General Eiling?”

Gideon rubbed her hand over her eyes, “Look, something is wrong with me, okay? I don't know what it is, but something is very, very wrong with me, and I'm remembering things that I shouldn't know.”

“Gideon,” Rip said softly, “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know,” she cried, “For example, there was a demolitions expert in plaza today. That's kind of odd, wouldn't you say? Look, last week the blueprints were intercepted, blueprints of a hotel, that hotel. And then a file of schematics of a bomb was found in Star City. The bomb is in that hotel.”

Sara frowned, “She was working with Miranda.”

“No,” Rip argued, “She opened Miranda’s e-mail,” he turned back to her, “Gideon, those pictures that you saw were encoded with secrets, government secrets. If you saw them, then you know them.”

“There were thousands of them,” Gideon breathed.

“Wait a minute,” Sara spoke up, “You're telling me all of our secrets are in her head.”

Gideon shuddered as the red dot from the gun the other woman held moved to her forehead.

Rip sighed, “Gideon is the computer.”

“What?” Gideon demanded becoming more panicked by the minute, “What does that mean? What’s happening to me?”

Rip moved slowly to her, “Gideon, listen to me. You said there was a bomb. Is there time to stop it?”

Gideon stared at him, “Are you crazy?”

“No,” Sara snapped, “We’re the good guys. We get paid to keep bombs from exploding.”

“I can’t,” Gideon whispered, “I just fix computers. Call Miranda, she’ll be able to do it.”

“Miranda is dead,” Rip stated coldly, “She died sending you those secrets.”

Gideon stared at him horrified, “Miranda is dead?”

“Yeah,” Sara interrupted again annoyance in her voice, “And she's gonna have a lot of company unless you start talking. So, pretty please.”

Rip caught Gideon’s hand making her look at him, “It’s all there in your head. You know this. Can you trust me for a little longer?”

Shakily, Gideon nodded.

Rip turned to Sara, “Let’s go.”

                                 *********************************************

 The sun was beginning to rise as Gideon sat on the beach going over and over in her mind what had happened the evening before. Managing to stop the bomb, listening to Sara and Rip argue over what they wanted to do with her. When they mentioned her friends and brothers, Gideon spoke up and told them in no uncertain terms that nothing happened to the people she loved.

“You leave my family alone,” she had stated, “You need me and right now, I’m going home.”

She’d reached the door to the apartment she shared with her brothers before turning around and heading to the beach unable to talk to them right now.

A shadow crossed her, and Gideon turned as Rip took a seat at her side. He handed her a chocolate croissant and cup of tea.

“Thank you,” Gideon said softly, “How long have you been here?”

“All night,” Rip shrugged.

Gideon took a shuddering breathe, “There’s no where I can run, is there?”

“Not from us,” he replied softly.

“I have a computer in my head,” Gideon whispered, “And I can’t understand why Miranda chose me for this. What happens now? Although I can barely focus on anything right now so tell me in small words.”

“Well, you had a long night,” Rip noted, he waited until she’d taken a few more bites and had a few sips of tea before speaking again, “For now, you go back to your own life. We'll protect you and you'll work with us,” he took her hand and held it tightly, “I know you’re scared and I know everything you learned is overwhelming but I promise I’m here to help and protect you. I just need you to do one thing, Gideon.”

Sighing she asked, “What?”

“I need you to trust me.”

Turning to watch the sun come up, Gideon knew her life was never going to be the same again.

[andrea-lyn]

For Malex, an au where they go on road trips to save aliens... whether or not they figured their shit out between them before or during is up to you

(like I mentioned, I went stray here, so they are saving aliens! through the rigorous process of record collection)

**

Colorado

Near Colorado Springs, they break into a facility near the Air Force base and discover what looks like an escape pod. It has some of the familiar components that Alex recognizes from Michael’s sketches and drawings. It’s a ship of its own and it clicks for him probably a few seconds after it does for Michael.

“Is this what you’ve been trying to rebuild?” Alex wonders out loud.

Numbly, Michael nods, like he can’t believe that he has a schematic to mimic. Alex doesn’t want to think about Michael leaving the planet, but faced with an actual escape pod, it’s hard not to. They take the escape pod out of the facility and load it up into their truck without any more conversation about what they’re going to do with it when they get back.

It’s their third stop on a grand tour of suspected sites they’re checking out. By all rights, these are abandoned sites now that Jesse’s support of Project Shepherd has dried up, but after Caulfield, they both know it’s better safe than sorry to make that assumption.

It’s why Alex has a gun and they have a rule.

If something looks like it’s a bad idea, then they both need to get the hell out of there before they end up blowing yet another building sky-high because they were impetuous and short-sighted and emotional. It’s bad enough they did that to their relationship the first time around. So far, they’ve stuck to that rule and it’s been serving them well. It’s also allowed them to survive the road trip, so far.

This trip is meant to serve a few purposes, namely three that Alex can specifically name. The first is checking to see that all the sites are closed down. The second is to see if anyone is still out there furthering Jesse’s cause.

The last and most terrifying point of this trip?

“Nothing like some good old-fashioned therapy,” Michael calls it, sitting in the truck after they load up the escape pod. “You and me stuck in a truck for hours on end is bound to fix at least one or two things.”

“There’s always the tape deck,” Alex says, reaching for the glove compartment where Michael used to keep his tapes, only to find that the ribbon of every single one of them has been yanked out – on purpose. He gives Michael a glare, because he has a sneaking suspicion how that happened. “…Guerin.”

“I got tired of listening to Garth Brooks, so sue me,” Michael replies, whistling innocently as he keeps his eyes forward. The escape pod is in the bed of the truck next to the other artifacts they’ve picked up (nothing as sensational as the escape pod, but the box of files from Santa Fe and the schematics for a new facility from Pueblo are still better in their hands than in someone else’s).

They’re onto their next stop when suddenly Michael pulls off the highway in a frantic rush.

“What the fuck?” Alex snaps. “Guerin! Is someone trailing us? Did I miss someone?”

Michael says nothing, he just puts his foot down on the gas and keeps driving. Alex’s paranoia begins to increase and he wonders if he’d missed someone when they’d left the Colorado Springs facility until Michael parks in a mostly empty lot and Alex sees what the fuss is about.

Alex stares through the windshield, leaning all the way forward so he can see it all.

“Guerin,” Alex says flatly. “Did you just risk our lives merging through five lanes of traffic so you could see a bug?”

Michael’s out of the car in a flash, smirking at Alex as he heads for the placard in front of the gigantic looming thing. Sighing, Alex abandons the ruined tapes and decides that whatever weird obsession this is, he might as well entertain it. Heading out of the truck, he’s careful on his prosthetic as he follows Michael and comes to a stop near a sign that deems the bug ‘Herkimer’.

“It’s a bug.”

“Nah,” Michael says, “it’s not just a bug, it’s the world’s largest beetle. Have some respect, Alex.”

He shakes his head, not sure why he should be respecting anything. They have to keep driving North so they can hit Wyoming, but the moment he tries to open his mouth and say so, he stops when he sees the look of longing on Michael’s face as he stares at a bug.

He seriously can’t have that many complex emotions about the thing, can he?

“Max and Isobel, they always took road trips when they were kids. Max used to bring back postcards from all the roadside stops. I asked my foster father at the time if we could take a road trip that summer from Roswell up to Colorado. It wasn’t much, I figured. I even offered to pay for the gas. The drunk asshole actually promised it to me, too.”

Alex has a bad feeling he knows how this story ends, because Michael never came to school boasting about what he’d seen on his summer vacation.

“What happened?”

“Oh, you know,” Michael says dismissively, turning away from the beetle. “He wrecked his truck and told me it just wasn’t going to work out, because I was asking too much. I learned to stop doing that pretty quickly.” He’s already on his way back to the truck before Alex can react, not fond of the emotional whiplash, but also knowing that Michael’s done it on purpose to protect himself from appearing vulnerable.

Alex gives the beetle one last look, and he digs out his phone to take a selfie with it, figuring that maybe later, he can send it to Michael. It’s not like they’re going to have show and tell when they get back to Roswell, but at the same time, what’s the harm in a few road trip souvenirs that they can both share in?

*

Wyoming

In Wyoming, they raid a small office building in the early hours of the morning and find employment records dating back to the second world war. There are more names here than Alex feels comfortable with, but he takes pictures of every page as backup before he slides them back into their folders. That box of files earns a home beside the escape pod and nestled with the schematics, as chilling as anything else they’ve found.

“I need a drink,” Alex insists, even though he knows for a fact that Michael is trying his hardest to avoid alcohol and acetone. He feels guilty as soon as he’s said it, thinking that he can wait until he’s back in Roswell to go over the records with a glass of neat whiskey. He doesn’t need to shove that in Michael’s face.

Michael doesn’t seem too angry with Alex’s slip. “I think I’ve got something better.”

That’s how they wind up in Jackson in another beat-down parking lot without a soul in it, except for them. This time, Alex finds himself staring up at a very confusing World’s Largest, and he digs out his phone to look something up. “You know the internet says that there’s a bigger one in Texas,” Alex says, glancing up at the roadside attraction.

Who the hell would want to build the World’s Largest Ball of Barbed Wire?

“I guess everything’s gotta be bigger in Texas, even their torture devices.” It’s a bad joke, but Michael doesn’t look happy to crack it, scowling up at it even though he’s the one who decided they should come here.

Alex wonders if Michael is thinking about the torture devices that the Manes and Valenti dynasties used on his family, and if he’s not yet, he’s sure it’s only a matter of time. Action is required. He digs out his phone and gestures for Michael. “Come here,” he says.

Michael gives Alex and his phone a wary look, but ambles closer to him, leaning back against the small fence that stands between them and the barbed wire. “Don’t tell me Isobel got you into Instagram,” he pleads.

“Who says I’m not already huge there?” Alex deadpans, even though he knows better than to put that much information in a public domain and absolutely wouldn’t even think about putting the details of his and Michael’s journey anywhere online. His location has been off since Roswell and while it’s not a burner phone, he does intend to destroy the sim card when this is all said and done. “Come here,” he says again, and gestures for Michael get close to him.

Michael drifts in close enough that Alex can smell the faint hint of his bodywash. For one brief moment, he closes his eyes and inhales, lets that smell of safety, security, and home wash over him. Then, he opens his eyes and gets the front-facing camera ready, pressed shoulder to shoulder with the barbed wire sticking out in the background. Michael’s smiling, even if he looks like he doesn’t believe that they’re doing this, and Alex looks smugly proud.

It’s a great picture.

“Come on, I think I saw a diner back a few exits,” Michael says, his gaze lingering over Alex before he finally steps away. “You can get a beer, I’ll get a milkshake.”

“Is it Wyoming’s biggest?”

Michael licks his lips, and he climbs on the truck’s step, leaning over it as he looks at Alex. “Doubt it, but I bet you that if you’re there with me, it’ll definitely be Wyoming’s best.”

He ducks into the truck, which is good because it means he misses the flush Alex gets in his cheeks. Staring down at the picture in front of the barbed wire, Alex sees the way Michael’s turned his head a little for the photo and how he’s staring reverently at Alex, a half-lidded look in his eye, like he’s suddenly remembered Alex is there, like he thinks he might want to kiss him.

Alex remembers all those looks enough to feel like the expert when it comes to Michael Guerin when he wants to kiss him. Maybe at the end of all this, when they’ve worked through the question of whether they can even do this together, he’ll get that back.

For now, he’ll stick with giant barbed wire and milkshakes.

*

New Mexico

They loop back around and take the long way home, finally hitting Alamogordo in the early hours of the morning. Alex had fallen asleep to the sound of Michael humming, not the greatest substitute for the broken tapes, but really not so bad.

(If he stops lying, he’d admit that it’s the best sound in the world)

“Hey,” Alex says, after checking his phone to make sure that he’s got the information right. The search had been a bust. Whatever had once been in the jail is long gone, which is both good news and bad – it means that no one’s committing any heinous crimes, but their information is out of date, so who knows what else might be wrong.

They’ve just finished dinner and they’re in the middle of the drive back. Alex had woken up from his nap to see a roadside sign passing and it had been almost perfect timing.

“Take the next exit,” he insists.

Michael gives Alex a wary look, but the amount of unspoken trust he has in Alex is clear when he takes the exit without a single other question about why he’s doing it. Alex smiles proudly when Michael doesn’t ask for directions, clearly understanding what they’ve turned off to see.

He parks them as close as they can get to what a sign proclaims the World’s Largest Pistachio and the grin on Michael’s face is worth everything in the world. He’s out of the car and he’s the one who calls Alex over so they can take a picture.

This time, Alex makes sure that when he clicks the button, he’s the one staring at Michael like he’s the incredible roadside attraction instead of the weird pistachio behind them. It’s such a stupid thing, and it means nothing, and at the same time, being here to look at this tourist trap means everything to him because of how isolated and abandoned it is.

It’s like it’s a monument built for them alone and they’d better appreciate it, because no one else will.

“Thanks, Alex,” Michael says. “I’m nuts about it.”

He’s smirking and clearly proud of his stupid pun. The shame of it is that so’s Alex, because he’s grinning at him and thinking that maybe this trip is something they both needed. They’ve been sharing motel rooms, but sleeping in separate beds. They sit on the same side of the booth at diners and pick off one another’s plates, but they haven’t kissed or touched or fucked.

Yet, this trip has felt like one of the most intimate things he’s ever done.

The rest of the drive home is filled with light conversation as they swap stories about the days in Roswell before Michael turned up. Alex tells him stories about Max and Isobel in elementary school, like how Isobel had managed to make herself a little cult that had to wear glitter on Thursdays or how Max had constantly submitted awful romantic poems to the literary digest (and since no one else did, they were all his).

Michael tells Alex about high school and the things Alex hadn’t noticed, like how he’d used his powers to fuck with Kyle – including the time Kyle had tripped on the bleachers and wound up with a melon-sized bruise on his ass for a week. He’s laughing so hard that his stomach hurts and though Kyle’s his friend now, he’s so grateful to find out that there’d been some vindication back then, even if they’d all had to treat them as accidents.

They reach Roswell in the early evening.

Michael drives Alex to his cabin so they can drop off all the rescued pieces in the basement where they’ll be protected by Alex’s new state-of-the-art security system. Once they’ve unloaded everything, Alex feels himself searching desperately for any excuse for Michael not to leave. “You know,” he says. “I bet you Roswell’s got something.”

Michael glances up from where he’s been hanging around by the door, checking on the escape pod for the tenth time (which is why Alex feels pretty confident that he doesn’t want to go either).

All that time together and it’s shown them that they don’t actually want to be apart. The pieces want to be together. It just turns out that maybe they’re a pair of stubborn asshole pieces who can’t admit to it, not until they go on a three-week road trip around the Southwest to look for alien artifacts and proof that Project Shepherd is dust.

“Roswell’s got plenty of shit. You might have to get more specific than that,” Michael replies, not following.

“I mean, of the biggest,” Alex says, seeing as Michael had started that pattern. “Or are you telling me that you can die happy now that you’ve seen the world’s biggest beetle,” he deadpans.

Michael considers that for a moment, prying his cowboy hat off his head as he moseys Alex’s way, slow and steady, an amused smirk on his lips. It’s the smile of a man who has something clever he wants to say, but he’s the only one thinking it’s any kind of clever at all.

“Well,” he begins, considerately, “there is always the city’s biggest dick that you could take a look at,” he drawls, with an inclination of his gaze down towards his belt buckle.

Two can play that game.

“Oh?” Alex replies easily. “Is Kyle back in town?”

He’s lucky that Michael laughs instead of the scowl he’d half been expecting, but what Alex hadn’t anticipated is the way that Michael slides his fingers around Alex’s neck for a kiss that he’s been waiting for since they first set out on the road trip. He’s so proud of them for being mature and talking, making things work while acknowledging that they don’t have to get physical, but god, has Alex missed being kissed by Michael.

He tangles his fingers in Michael’s curls, grabs hold and squeezes the soft curls in his hands as he kisses Michael back, fully aware that he’s being shut up for making bad jokes, but definitely not mad with this punishment. Maybe they can’t compete for some of the world’s biggest anythings that they’ve seen, but Alex is counting the world’s longest kiss one of these days, and if he can’t manage that, then maybe he’ll go for the world record when it comes to kissing the man you love.

Not that he wants anyone stopping to take pictures of that, so maybe that’s one of those feats that’s best kept to themselves.

[villainshub]

𝕾𝖍𝖎𝖌𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖐𝖎 𝕿𝖔𝖒𝖚𝖗𝖆'𝖘 𝕲𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖑 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

these headcanons are my personal take on the character and may be subject to change.

𝖘𝖋𝖜

→ calculating, demanding, and determined, Tomura Shigaraki is a sinister young man whose life convictions and intelligence solidifies himself as one of the most dangerous villains in the world. → unlike many in his League, Tomura is not as laidback and whimsical as an individual. he takes his goal and the status of The League seriously, and takes failure very poorly. → Shigaraki dislikes small-talk. in fact, he outwardly hates it when people tip-toe around the subject at hand. it aggravates him. → will not speak of his past and will shut down any conversation asking about it. → he doesn’t really take care of himself. due to his warped view of the world and general indifference to society, he feels no need to “keep up appearances.” that being said, Kurogiri does advise him to become more aware of his health, so on occasion he’ll take a shower and change his clothes. he doesn’t really have a “scent” or “odor”, but his clothes have a musk to them. → he isn’t the most social person, but this does not mean he always isolates himself and wants to be alone. Shigaraki does feel at ease when he’s left alone, but strangely enough, he’s come to appreciate those that stay around him. → Shigaraki isn’t a fool; he’s able to read social cues very well, despite what people may think. he can read body language, tell when a person is conflicted psychologically, identify signs of a person’s quirk and their drawbacks, and more. he may or may not comment on it depending on the situation. this is but one of many abilities he uses to his advantage. → hates chess, but doesn’t mind playing cards. → loves dark humour. → enjoys playing video games and is a completionist even if it annoys him. he loves games where he’s able to choose his own allegiance, but rpgs tend to drag on for him because of their length. Shigaraki is terrible at visual novel-based, idol-producing or dating sims games because, while he is intelligent, is very inexperienced when establishing romantic relationships. → he’s incredibly good at most games he plays, but in terms of competitive play, he’s that guy. yes; Shigaraki is toxic. he knows the game inside and out, calls people out on making terrible calls, finds it amusing to troll people, and is a know-it-all. what makes it worse is that he ranks top of multiple leaderboards, and is a foul-mouthed player who gets reported repeatedly. he doesn’t rage nearly as much as he used to when he was younger, but it does happen. → has a pile of black clothes on the floor in his room. it can be very disorganized or relatively clean; it just depends on his mood that day. → prefers to wear all black.  → though he has his moments, Shigaraki has matured and continues to. he doesn’t react to things that would agitate him as much as when he was younger. some things that would previously cause him to lash out, he’ll simply stare and be silent. → should not be taken lightly in any combat scenario. while he is not as muscular as other heroes, he’s very durable and doesn’t react to pain as easily as others; not to mention that Shigaraki is incredibly fast. remember when he appeared in front of Tsuyu Asui when he attacked USJ? well, he’s faster than that now, so don’t think one can hit him so easily. → loves to watch an opponent struggle before he finishes them off. → does not like people touching him. has grown with the idea / experience that people fear him, so unless it’s Shigaraki Senior™ patting his shoulder or head, he’ll instinctively swat them away. it’s not advised to pester him or try to “break down his walls.” → truth be told, Tomura is not interested in anything romantic. he feels he isn’t deserving of love, but refuses to let others pity him because of it. his pride will never admit this, but secretly, even though he’s yearned for companionship and support for so many years, he sees himself as incompatible and wretched. he’s incredibly closed off and dismisses the concept, and hates being reminded of it. “I will become the Symbol of Destruction, anyway, so what’s the point in that?” → if, by some miracle, Tomura does find interest in someone, hoo boy. they will never know at first, and only Kurogiri would pick up on it in the early stages. he’ll be incredibly secretive and strategic in how he gathers information: discovering their likes and dislikes, observing their movements and routine, recognizing those they associate with, etc. he will stay just out of their vision and act as a bystander, or receive information from trusted people as to your whereabouts. → Tomura is unsure what to do with his feelings as they continue to grow. though he is a villain, he is still a young twenty-year-old deprived of certain emotions and feelings, so as he taps into the deepest recesses of his mind, he becomes increasingly more uncomfortable with himself. → it is not in him to hurt them purposefully and is mindful of who they are around, but is not foreign to jealousy and possessiveness.  → Shigaraki would prefer to confront them when they are alone, but not necessarily in a “I love you and want to be with you,” way; moreso a long, drawn-out stare and an attempt to get physically closer to them. true to himself, he’d insult them and demand they speak to him. → assuming they chose to speak to him, he wouldn’t go deep into what was drawing him towards them. he’d say something cryptic and threatening like, “People like you are the reason I want to destroy everything I see,” and upon realizing that was not the right thing to say because of their facial expression, would become silent.  → would never say “I love you.” → may just take their hands and place them against his skin to calm him. it may seem weird at first, but it helps.

𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖜

→ isn’t opposed to a strictly physical relationship, but is not always consistent.  → is very shy when it comes to kissing. mainly due to the fact that Tomura has very little experience and isn’t exactly proud with his incompetence. he will avoid being close face-to-face for some time, but will gradually ease into it as they are patient with him. will become crass if they laugh at his sloppiness. → it is very difficult to connect with Tomura emotionally. because he has so many barriers and doesn’t view love or affection healthily, it will take a very long time for him to become vulnerable, if at all. he may deject, but deep down he would be grateful anyone would want to get to know him. → once he becomes completely trusting of a person physically, he starts to memorize their sweet spots and which parts of them are most sensitive. not always sexually, but just to explore them. he’s very careful and is very interested in feeling skin that isn’t his. → he will mark them in places others will be forced to see. the neck especially. Tomura loves seeing them embarrassed. it adds to his ego. → has days and weeks where he is constantly frustrated, so much to the point where he’s leaving to be off on his own because it hurts. feeling a hand or mouth over where he needs to release is a very quick way for him to take someone right then and there. → early on he can become undone relatively quickly, especially if its great oral. → prefers receiving over giving. → rarely likes to submit, as he loves being in control.  → loves for his partner to surprise him by dressing up as one of his favourite characters. bonus points if they’re unable to escape and tied up for him to play with. → loves a nice chest.  → yes, there will be days where he will sit there and demand his partner to let him grope their breasts. → days where he was unsuccessful or very upset, he will no doubt become aggressive and make a mess of them.  → loves the thrill of wrapping his hands around their neck and choking them. hearing their desperate whines, their sobs for air, watching them cling to his wrists, seeing their eyes rolling to the back of their head. a twisted grin of pleasure will overtake him. → loves dirty talk and insulting his partner. calling them outside their name and whispering how filthy of a person they are for wanting him inside of them, it gives him such a high. → loves mirror sex and making sure they look at themselves as they take him in completely.  → has heightened endurance, so will go for multiple rounds to get their needed fix. Tomura wants them to be a complete mess once he’s done with them. they need to know that he is the only one that can make them feel that way.

[osmw1]

Crowbar Nurse   Chapter 14 — Vows of Love and Banging Against the Wall (No, Not Like That)

“Three hours left until game over, eh?”

Kiryū looked as if he were lost in thought. Difficult thoughts.

“Since you’re so familiar with this game, Sera, lay it out for us. What’s our best plan of action? After all we’ve been through to train our army and to gather munitions, it’d be a waste to simply ditch them here. But if evacuating to the dating sim world is the better choice, then so be it.” “Hmm, what should we do…?”

I too had to collect my thoughts. Now that we had all cooled off, it made it a little easier to think.

“… It would be simple enough to go to the dating sim world. However, we would leave DMC3 in its ‘bad ending’, meaning that we might possibly never be able to return here.” “Perhaps. But since the game would be finished… the game might start from the beginning again.” “Yes, of course that’s possible as well.”

Elizabeth had a point. The game may very well restart.

“Once thing is for sure though. Now is our only chance if we want to save this world. The town may be destroyed by thermobaric missiles next time we come back. Not to mention that the player ‘You’ who triggered the ending might not want to simply give it all up either.”

Saying that, I then turned to the two of them with all seriousness.

“And so, let me suggest an idea. Let’s rewrite the ending.” “Whaddya mean?”

I nodded at Kiryū, acknowledging his curiosity.

“Before the thermobaric bombs drop on Confi City, we will go trigger the ‘truck ending’ conditions. If we manage to pull that off, then we can avoid the ‘thermobaric missile–strike bad ending’.” “… And on the chance that we don’t manage to?”

Elizabeth spoke with such nervousness, I could almost see her quivering as I replied.

“… In the case that we can’t find ‘You’ within three hours, then we would probably have no choice but to abandon them. If we can’t get the truck ending to start, then we’ll immediately jump to the dating sim world.” “Hmm… Well, it’s worth givin’ it a shot.”

Kiryū was willing. That leaves just one.

“If we don’t, it might come to bite us in our asses when we get back home. We’ll have to live with those demons, y’know?” “… Heh, I suppose so. Okay, then.”

She responded with a slight chuckle, but still evidently nervous.

“Yes, you are correct. It is obviously wrong to not save a life when we have the ability to do so. … The opposite was true for my last time. It was as if killing each other was the obvious answer. I didn’t want to die, so I believed that abandoning others was the correct choice. But that isn’t right, is it? … Truthfully, I’m extremely grateful that it was you two whom I met in this world.” “And here I thought your apprehension was towards us.”

I had hoped that cracking jokes would ease her if just a little.

“We’ll be alright, Elizabeth. It’s not like what we’re trying to do is really that difficult. All we have to do is run over a couple of zombies with a truck on our way out. If we really do find it an impossibility, then… yes, unfortunately, we may have to give up on saving ‘You’. But in that case, the next world we’ll hop to is a visual novel dating sim for girls. Sure, we don’t know which exact game it is yet, but think about it. We’ll have so much Kiryū-level eye candy to feast on!”

Elizabeth held back another quiet laugh as Kiryū gently rapped the back of my head with his knuckles.

    We then spent about thirty minutes to talk over our truck ending action plan and equip our hellish army. Elizabeth didn't have the stamina to even be in a shouting match, let alone a full-on brawl with zombies, and so we delegated her to hold down the fort. With the troops standing guard outside, we figured she should be safe in the safehouse. That left Kiryū and me with a handful of soldiers. Our plan was to head to the end of Uptown, gang up on the gun shop owner miniboss, and then steal his grenade launcher. That’s where we were at now: duping the nade launcher at the gun range.

“Ah, jeez, I could really go for a drink right about now.” “I thought you’d be pukin’ already seein’ how much you just guzzled down.”

Kiryū poked fun at me, but I shook my head no.

“That stuff doesn’t hit the spot. It tastes exactly like booze, but you can’t get drunk off it at all.”

A disappointed sigh crept out from my lips.

“I wish I had some of the real stuff. That way, I can drink to forget all about this scary stuff and hurry home to snuggle in bed.” “… Are you scared?”

I couldn’t help but feel a little irked by his question as he handed me more launchers.

“Of course I am. How could I not be? You know we’re making a huge gamble for this city that’s potentially going to be wiped off the face of the earth in just a few hours, right? Of course I would rather just say ‘screw it’ and curl up in a blanket.” … But there’s no way I could possibly do that.”

I heaved the launchers into the buggy and then a deep, heavy sigh. I don’t know what he was thinking at the moment, but Kiryū looked straight at me before speaking.

“… You really are strong.” “As if. I’m not in the slightest.”

I brushed him off with another shake of the head.

“… If I seem in anyway strong, that’s a misunderstanding on your part, Kiryū. I’m wracked with anxiety over what if I made the wrong choice for us. Because the truth is I’m not strong at all, but that’s why I’m trying my damnedest to put on a brave face.” “Even if it’s just you putting on a brave face, I can’t count how many times you’ve saved me in this world.”

My thoughts froze as my eyes bulged wide. Still, I had to keep my hands moving. I began tying the extra launchers onto the soldiers with makeshift ropes. But as I finished, Kiryū faced me directly.

“… I saved you, huh? You sure like to exaggerate.” “Maybe you’ve forgotten, but I haven’t. We’ve been in a hopeless situation ever since the beginning. But I’ve managed this far without losing my marbles was all because I had you with me.” “… It’s not like you’re okay just because you’ve met me. You’re always so calm and calculated in your every move.” “Think back to when I questioned Elizabeth. Do you still think so?” “Well… I mean…”

I looked down at the ground before I knew it. I mean, he’s right. He did lose his cool that time. Kiryū scratched the back of his head as he continued, as if he were felt awkward or embarrassment.

“… Like I said before, there’s no one who understands this all as well as you do, someone who’s a total zombie game nerd. Maybe you’ll be right. Maybe you’ll be wrong. But whatever it may be, you’ll have our unconditional support in whatever you choose to do. And being here in this strange, weird world, I don’t blame you one bit for thinking it’s scary. But there’s nothing to be too afraid of either… we’ll be alright. We’re in this together.”

He finished speaking by gently placing his hand on top of my head. It was obvious that Kiryū didn’t mean to hit on me, but rather simply wanted to give me a pep talk.

I remember thinking the same when we first met: Kiryū’s hand sure is warm…

I blinked as I felt the warmth of his palm. Whether it was intentional or not, it brought me composure, allowing me to think. … To think about how Kiryū speaks. How he can’t help but point out all technical inaccuracies. How he’s just a little too serious and a tiny bit tactless. I had the same thought before I fainted, but I’m absolutely certain I’ve met Kiryū before. No. I’ve heard his voice before. I thought about it at length and came up with only one possible explanation.

  “… Umm, Kiryū?” “What’s up?” “I… I just had a sudden thought.” “Mhm?” “Kiryū, you mentioned you were a game dev, right? In Shinjuku?” “… Yeah, that’s right.”

His affirmation had a tinge of curiosity. Curious as to why I brought it up now. I looked into his eyes.

“There’s something about the way you speak that gives me a nagging feeling that I’ve heard your voice somewhere before. And, we were just talking about it earlier, but I said my friends and I like to hang out and play dating sims together.” “Yeah.” “Of course, that includes Rainbow Dreams as well.” “…” “It somehow came across my mind just now. My friend who’s a big fan of Kiryū Sōichirō had once showed me this video. I remember her getting super excited about how this game dev who was rumored to be Kiryū’s model posted that video. About a year or two ago, a video about a dating sim developer playing the party game Werewolf came out, right?”

His mouth may be closed, but Kiryū’s eyes were locked open. It seemed like I had hit the nail on the head. I leaned in close to his ear and whispered for confirmation.

“Hey, Kiryū. Perhaps your real name is…” followed by the name of the game dev’s in that video.

“… That’s me.”

He muttered and slumped his shoulders in disappointment or so I thought… but his bright red cheeks and banging the wall suggested he was more so mortified than anything. The walls of the shooting range were shaking by now, yet he kept punching with all his might. It made me wonder if he could tear down the building by himself. I suppose it was extremely shameful for his name to be doxed. Looking at bashful Kiryū somehow made me embarrassed too. I chuckled out loud before I could catch myself.

“Ahaha… I had a hunch, but I didn’t think you’d admit to it either. Oh, wow, Kiryū, so you’re the one who made Rainbow Dreams, hey? How about those rumors about you being the model for Kiryū? Is that true too?” “N-No way! I have nothing to do with that game! I was simply hired to do the programming for it, so I have nothing at all to do with the writing or art! The character designers or producers used my likeness without my permission is all!” “You are involved in the game then? That’s so impressive and amazing. It’s the first time I’ve met someone who was part of the team that made one of my favorite games!” “Gah…!”

Kiryū flinched as he saw my beaming face. Seemingly, he didn’t expect me to be so wowed by it all.

“… It’s a visual novel dating simulator catered to a female audience, y’know?” “I’m familiar.” “But it was made by a dude.” “And that’s super cool!” “Y-You think that’s… cool?”

Kiryū scrunched up his face, bewildered by the fact that anyone would think it was a positive thing.

“I think it’s honest work… But you don’t seem to like it very much, do you?” “… I didn’t have much of a choice; it was the only work I could get.”

I blankly blinked at his response as he avoided eye contact with me.

“No choice? Oh, that’s right. You seemed to know quite a bit about VR games, FOV, haptic feedback, and stuff like that. Was that what you really wanted to do instead?” “Oh, that… I’ve just been reading a lot into it lately is all. Not that I’m an expert in it or anything. I’ve made a little test project before, but I haven’t made any published any games like that before. … Making your own game with your own abilities then putting your name out there in the world… It’s a really daunting thing, y’know?” “Wow… But you’re still making Rainbow Dreams. I still think it’s amazing how you’re a part of this game that’s beloved by so many people. … Oh, Kiryū! When we get back, do you think I could get your autograph? I wanna brag about you to my friends!” “Whaaaaaat?!”

This time, he was flabbergasted but also looked as if he hated the very concept of what I had just said. I panicked and tried to take back my words.

“I’m so sorry! You don’t have to. It’s just that… I thought it’d be something nice to look forward to when we make it safely back home. But now that I think about it, you’re embarrassed by this all, right? Sorry for asking for such a weird favor. Let’s just forge—” “No, that’s alright. I’ll do it.” “Huh?” “… I’m nobody famous or nothin’, so it’s not like my signature is particularly exciting or what have you. But if it makes you happy, I’ll sign as many things as you want. So, let’s all get out of this together alive. That’s a promise, Sera.” “… I promise!”

I didn’t think I would’ve been so overcome with emotion, but I found myself jumping into Kiryū’s arms. After a brief moment of shock, he dryly laughed aloud as he patted me on my back. … And though we were surrounded by the unstoppable hellish army lugging around giant grenade launchers, we paid them no mind at all.

—We’re definitely making it out of here alive.

Whatever paralyzing fear I felt in my very core had disappeared in an instant.

■Werewolf Also known as Mafia, Werewolf enjoyed a brief fad where game developers and gamers would gather in person and stream themselves playing together. Kiryū is presumed to have most likely been roped into playing. As it was an utmost humiliating memory for him, Kiryū seemed to have tried everything in his powers to scrub the video off the internet but to no effect.

contents: /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /ch004/ /ch005/ /ch006/ /ch007/ /ch008/ /ch009/ /ch010/ /ch011/ /ch012/ /ch013/ /ch014/ /next/

(leave me a tip on Patreon?)

[the-man-of-mirrors]

Doki Doki Literature Club

I caught the hype and noise around the game, so my partner and I decided to play through it, and i’ll be damned if it wasn’t one of the most well made horror games I've seen (which isn’t a high bar, technically, because I usually avoid horror like the plague -- but this was still really good), and it was the first time I ever “got got” by a dating sim -- by low key falling for one of the characters. Just Monika

Spoilers below this point 

So I’m going to, instead of walking through the plot, which is really the treasure of the game -- go play it -- I’m going to discuss the characters, and why the game’s writing caught me as it did. Let’s start in order of importance, both to plot and to me.

Sayori -- I’ll begin by saying, for those of you that played the game, if you went with Sayori as your first girl, that’s just wrong. She’s like your little sister! Moving on, Sayori is perhaps the most accurate depiction of major depressive disorder I’ve ever seen in a visual or written medium. She works so hard to make everyone else happy, because she feels like it’s the only way to get them to stop “wasting” time and energy on her. She puts on a mask every day at club, and is stated to have done so every day of her life, because she wants other people to not think about her. She think’s she’s a worthless, selfish, weak human being, when she is anything but. She doesn’t understand why others would want her around. 

Now, I have depression, though the doctor says its not a terribly bad case, and as a man my symptoms tend to differ from those of women sufferers. I’ve been with girls that have depression like this, and I’ve had the same kind of frustrations as the idiot MC does with those feelings, and that pit-of-your stomach feeling when you don’t know what to do, and you know that you are failing that person. I both understand the worthlessness Sayori feels (to an extent) and the frustration of the MC. Sayori is a very powerful character because of that, and is very much one of the game.

YURI -- Best Girl. Only talked about Say-o first because of plot reasons, I’m sure you understand. So, Yuri was the character that snared me, and did so quite neatly and elegantly. As my partner is fond of telling me, I have a very defined...type. I, as you know, am both an avid reader, and a writer (despite my low activity on this page, I apologize, school gets in the way of creation). Another person having those qualities, especially when those qualities are focused in the deep worlds of fantasy and science fiction (and horror I guess, I do enjoy Lovecraft and Edgar Allan Poe a great deal), is like having a light turn on inside me. So that’s one box ticked off. To continue, she is very shy and introverted, and only really opens up when she’s talking about something she’s truly passionate about, or if she’s alone with you, and I understand how that feels, though I’ve opened up in the past years. To continue, I have, apparently, some kind of Christ complex, where I want to walk into the lives of people like Yuri and just hold them, and tell them everything is going to be okay. I want to be that person that saves them, I want to make them not be hurting anymore. Most importantly, I understand what it’s like to feel truly, truly alone, and I can’t bear to see someone live like that -- not when I know I can be the rock they lean on, or (and I’ll regret saying this -- my partner will probably read this post and tease me about it) be like their service dog, dedicated to loving and helping them for as long as it takes.

 As I write this, I cannot but help and think that this mental pattern of mine might be terribly codependent, deriving a large amount of my self-worth from pulling other people away from the brink of the abyss many of us know too well. But that’s not the entirety of who I am, or the only source of worth, so I’m sure I’ll be fine. 

Back to Yuri. She’s anxious and both terrified of being hated, while hating and being overly harsh on herself. She is convinced that her weird hobbies (and some of them ARE weird) are justified reasons for people to hate and dislike her, which just isn’t true. So when you let her open up to you, it’s like watching a sunrise over clear mountains -- some things are still trapped and blocked away, and will be for a little while, but there is light now. I hadn’t felt that sunrise since the early days of my current relationship, and it is addicting. Once she realizes that what she likes (for the most part, but we will get there) won’t push you away, she really blossoms. That said, there is still a darkness to be addressed, and that darkness is her (even before act II) obvious habit of self-harm, and the question of her sado-masochistic tendencies (the bloodied finger scene -- which I found really cute -- and the statement from Monika about how she harms for the rush). I’ve been in a lot of relationships where self-harm was there, like that black looming shadow, glaring down on my partner. It’s one of those things that simultaneously breaks my heart, and puts me dangerously close to the stereotypical “I AM MAN. I MUST FIX.” mindset, and people don’t like to be “fixed”. Especially if they are in that state of mind. I suspected she did this from the first interaction -- as my partner says, I have a type, and I can read the signs well. This game is so well written -- but when she was rolling down her sleeve in MC’s house, that was all the confirmation I needed. Whether she actually does it for a rush, as Monika states in act 2 (this of course, being after the point Monika tampered with best girl, and is trying to actively remove her), which is heavily doubtful to me, or is doing so to punish herself, or is doing so simply feel at all, I wanted to help. She embodies that social anxiety and isolation that I know so well, and is also a fairly realistic depiction. 

Do I think she, the actual Yuri (yes, It’s a game, it’s just code, but these characters are so realistic that real life parallels matter, so I will address them as such), self harms for a rush that the pain and blood brings? No, the only trustworthy evidence to that theory is the scene where you prick your finger, and she puts that finger in her mouth, and that could be a number of things, from wanting to make it better (without knowing how), to acting on the clear sexual tension in the room (please?), to what I’ll talk about in a minute. Does she have a sado-masochistic fetish? Probably. I’m a sadist myself, my partner is a masochist, so I understand that feeling to an extent. Does she find blood play hot? Perhaps, maybe in the same way some people find rape-play (yes, it’s a legitimate thing. No, I don’t care to argue that with anyone) hot -- from a distance, or maybe only with slight imitations. These questions are interesting ones, and it made me want to get to know this fictional character better. It’s part of why I’m really annoyed that the there is no way to get a good ending for each character just Monika. 

It’s also really nice that Yuri had objectively the best body and the cutest fucking demeanor in the game. She also looked very, very cute in that sweater and it’s great. 

Natsuki -- I don’t like her, but I haven’t truly explored her character arc yet. I get the definite impression that her home life is traumatizing and out of control, which is why she is so combative and assertive in the club. She is scrambling for any ounce of control. I’ve seen it before, and while her personality turns me off harder than scat porn, I want to know what’s going on. 

Monika -- I saved her for last. I simultaneously wanted to kill her and ask her “why?” for most of act 2, and actually from the end of Act 1 when Sayori said “She was right, I should just ---”. I wanted to murder this girl, as memeable as she is (so, so gloriously memeable). It felt SO GOOD to delete her. So when she came back from the dead, to SAVE you, it felt so strange. She is a walking fourth wall break. I can’t really describe her well, just go play the game. 

All in all, the game is incredible. Yuri describes my type to a “T”, the only thing missing is that she isn’t a redhead. The characters (aside from the idiot MC) were very realistically written and pulled at my heart in ways that, in all honesty, shouldn’t have been so effective -- they are just code, right? 

[reiouj]

i’m really sorry i didn’t post this yesterday but it ended up taking me a lot longer to write than expected… the next part will hopefully be up faster than this one was!

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

Waxen - Part 2

It had been years since Lance found out that he was different, that his world was different from everyone else’s. That he wouldn’t be able to be a pilot.

But his mother had encouraged him nonetheless, helped him the best that she could, taught him how to tell what was red and what was blue. She did what she could as a mother, and even tried to do what she couldn’t.

Now Lance was older, 17 years of his black and white life had gone by, and he was finally applying to the Garrison. His father had advised him to, as he put it, ‘not write down his chromatopsia on the medical form’. So, to put it simply, lie to his superiors and make them think he had normal vision.

That would be a fucking miracle.

When his letter from the school finally arrived, Lance felt like a weight came down on his shoulders, pushing all the air out of his lungs and forcing him to hold his breath as he tore open the envelope and yanked out his letter.

With his family behind him to support him no matter what, he gulped and unfolded the thin stack of papers, fear constricting in his chest before he finally reads the words.

Dear Lance McClain-Sanchez,

The Garrison is honored to welcome you aboard to our crew. Enclosed is a packing list and the boarding list. Before you arrive, please find your name, room number, and roommate name–

After the first few sentences he had stopped reading, blinking back tears as relief and joy flooded over him. Silently he turned to his family, who were waiting with bated breath. At the sight of his tears they gasped, but then he smiled.

“I got in.” He choked out before breaking down into tears, collapsing into the open arms of his mother and father and sobbing into their chests. “I did it, mamá. I did it.”

“I’m proud of you, cariño.”

—

The letter had arrived only weeks before the beginning of the first semester, of Lance’s first semester, at the Garrison. He could barely contain his excitement as he arrived at the large training building, dragging in his trunk of items and moving it to his shared dorm.

“You must be Hunk!” He called out as greeting when he spotted a boy laying on one of the beds, tanned and chubby but not too. “Nice you meet you, I’m Lance. I’m really excited about this, are you?”

Hunk was looking rather confusedly at him, big brown eyes blown wide while his new roommate had suddenly appeared and started greeting him rather loudly. “I… Um… Yes?” He replies, coming out as more of a question.

Lance merely laughed a loud, boisterous laugh and shook his hand before climbing onto his own bed and splaying his limbs out. “I hope we can be good friends. Not like those roommates who barely talk to each other and avoid one another.”

When Hunk didn’t respond Lance felt a bit of anxiety clutch at his heart, electing to ignore it and give him a smile instead. When he looked at Hunk, however, he looked just as nervous as Lance felt.

“Don’t worry dude, I’m not too scary… Sorry if I came across really strongly.” He finally told him, reaching across the small room to shake his hand. Hunk gave him a smile in return, nodding a little.

“It’s fine, I’m just… I have a bit of social anxiety, so meeting all these new people is a bit… overwhelming.” The Samoan tries to explain, a nervous, embarrassed blush coming over his cheeks as he spoke.

Lance understood exactly what he meant, giving him a grin and nodding. “Oh, I totally get that! No big deal, I won’t push it. You can trust me, Hunk. I really want to be your friend.”

Lance had half a mind to just tell Hunk the secret weighing down on him right then and there, feeling a comfort and trust in the other boy already. He kept it to himself instead, fear that Hunk would spill to the superior officers silencing him.

He hoped their friendship would grow. No, he knew their friendship would grow. He couldn’t wait.

—

“Hey, Lance, can you help me with a project once we’re done with practice?”

The request sounded simple enough, so of course Lance had agreed to help his best friend with whatever his project was. “Sure buddy! Whatever you need, as long as I can actually do it.” Lance laughed loudly as they entered the simulator, taking the pilot’s seat and strapping himself in.

Hunk smiled back and quickly thanked him before the ‘mission’ began, quickly hopping in his own seat and watching their newest crew member, Pidge Gunderson, take his own. What a weird name.

Lance shook off nerves and worries of failure in the simulation machine, focusing the best he could as they were filled in one the details of their ‘mission’, Iverson’s words coming clear over the crackly speaker.

They were to go in and find a discreet place to land so they could infiltrate a foreign base and rescue prisoners. Should be a piece of cake, right?

Apparently not. Hunk lost his lunch not soon after the simulator started, then they were virtually shot at, and they couldn’t get one of the engines back– one failure after the next.

Needless to say, they crashed.

Iverson had yelled at them quite a bit after they exited the sim, blaming Lance for not noticing the engine failure light sooner, and they headed back to their rooms with their heads hanging.

Hunk, however, was not at all deterred from his work and immediately got to it once they entered their dorm, plopping down at his desk and pulling out some mechanics project.

“Hey, Lance, can you come help me now?” He questioned with one of those famous Hunk smiles, one that you could never say no to, and Lance immediately gave in to him.

Quickly he plopped down in the chair next to his best friend and watched as he got to work on the hunk of metal. Occasionally he would ask for tools, not even glancing up, and Lance would immediately hand it over without a thought.

This exchange between them went on for hours, silence sitting upon them except for Hunk voice gently requesting tools, until Lance’s knowledge of items failed him.

“Hand me the joiner’s mallet.”

Lance paused for a moment, blinking at Hunk with rather owlish eyes. “I’m sorry, the what? What’s that look like?” He questions, looking over the array of hammers the other boy owned.

“Seriously? The joiner’s mallet, Lance. The big red hammer.” He clarified in a bit of a huff, finally taking a second to glance at Lance.

Lance blinked at him once, then twice, then looked back down at all the hammers. “Uh…” He swallowed dryly before picking up a big hammer, glancing at Hunk. The other only shook his head, sighing.

“It’s big, red, and rubber. This was the first tool I taught you! Come on, Lance.” He groaned outwardly, not hiding his slight disappointment as he watched him.

“Uh, yeah… Right.. Red… Um…” His eyes scanned over the colorless tools and picked up another hammer. At this, Hunk’s face changed, twisting into a slight look of concern at this.

“Lance, come on, joke’s over. I only own one red hammer, it–it’s right in front of you.”

Lance merely looked at him sheepishly and scratched the back of his head, shrugging a little. “Maybe it’s not here! Haha.” He suggests nervously, trying to give himself an excuse for why he couldn’t find the hammer.

Hunk raised a brow and rolled over to him in his chair, picking up the item he had been asking for and giving Lance a pointed look. “Is there something you want to tell me? It was right there, buddy.”

The other tensed and glanced at Hunk sheepishly, shaking his head as he sits back down. “Nope! Nothing at all.” He replies quickly, almost too quickly, and Hunk gently places a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

“Hey… Lance… You can tell me anything. You’re my best friend… I’m your best friend, you can trust me!” He tries, gently rubbing his back as Lance’s expression falls from a smile to a slight frown, eyes sad.

“I… I know I can trust you, I just… If… If I tell you, you might not trust me..” He murmurs in response to this, tense beneath Hunk’s comforting touch but not making any moves to pull away.

Lance nearly felt like he was on the edge of a panic attack as Hunk gazed at him in concern, brows furrowed and mouth twisted into a frown. It was quiet between them before Hunk spoke again.

“Lance, please just tell me.. I promise, whatever it is, I won’t tell anyone, and I won’t judge you for it.” His voice was quiet as he spoke, gently muttering words of encouragement while his friend looked at the ground.

“… Okay. Okay. I’ll tell you. But… You can’t…” He inhaled a bit. “You can’t tell anyone.”

Hunk raised a brow but agreed to these terms, taking Lance’s hands gently in his much larger ones and looking at him expectantly.

Letting out a shaky breath, Lance allowed his eyes to meet Hunk’s before he spoke, hands trembling in his grip. “I… I have chromatopsia. I can’t… See colors. Any color.” He explains quietly, watching Hunk’s face for any signs of negative emotions.

Hunk’s face didn’t show them though. In fact, he was nothing but smiles as he let out a relieved breath. “Oh, thank god! I thought it was something bad, like you were going blind or had cancer or something.” He replies, laughing gently at his own nervousness.

Lance was a bit surprised that Hunk took it so well, lifting a brow and giving him a bit of a confused look. “Wait, you’re not– You’re not mad?” He questions, feeling Hunk tug him into a tight hug.

“Of course not. I would never be mad about something like that, Lance! I told you, you can trust me.” He replies as Lance buries his face into his shoulder, tears bubbling up in his blue eyes.

“You can’t tell anyone… You know that, right? I’ll.. I could get expelled from the Garrison if anyone found out. I would never be allowed to fly again.” He murmurs against Hunk’s neck, tears staining the fabric of his shirt.

“Don’t worry, I understand, buddy. I know how badly you want this. I won’t tell anyone.” Hunk replies just as gently, arms wrapped comfortingly around his thinner body. 

“I promise.”

[mittensmcedgelord]

Phantoms

LST didn't help me with a title this time.

Yet more of the mimic story wherein Morgan discovers a recording of a Fatal Fortress game, learns something new about his former self, and makes plans to avoid a doctor's visit. ( And where I attempt to lighten the mood after the last update. )

Previous: https://mittensmcedgelord.tumblr.com/post/161916575340/the-human-condition

I feel like I know them. If I shut my eyes, I can hear their thoughts pulse through the coral, the subtle vibrations of memory ghosts. I’ve spent the whole day listening to a backlog of employee recordings from Talos 1 that were ejected when the apex Typhon attacked. Alex held onto them in the hope that maybe, eventually, we’d find their surviving family. I’m sure it wasn’t purely altruistic. There are plenty of logs that are scientific, bits and pieces of Bellamy’s work or employees showing off their new neuromod skills. There are more that aren’t. I told him I wanted to study people, try to understand how they work. It took a lot of convincing and some shameless playing of the ‘little brother’ card, but I got access to the files.

 The memories I have don’t go back far enough to remember the boltcaster fights or the Fatal Fortress games. Not that I think either Yu was ever invited to join in. It sounds like it was a different world back then. The crew is still relatively optimistic. There are still dart gun fights. There’s a different color to it now, though. There’s no Yellow Tulip, for one. Which means that there’s a distinct lack of drunken karaoke and that I will never get to hear Sho sing off key love songs outside of TranScribe recordings. And after the invasion I don’t think anyone is in the mood for drunken karaoke anyway. Now that they’ve encountered Typhon, humans are becoming a little more like them in order to continue. The priority is survival, at all costs, and everything else is frills.

 So, it’s a pleasant surprise when I come across a second recording of Sho singing, this time completely sober. It’s the song she performed during the big show to promote musical neuromods. There’s a few other voices laughing and applauding. Someone wants to know where she even got a banana to use as a microphone. Someone else is teasing her for taking the ‘role play’ aspect of the game too seriously.

“I didn’t realize you dual classed as a bard,” the DM quips. I recognize the voice as Abigail Foy’s from the simulation. “Alright, you get 10XP for that performance. And…”

 I hear shuffling and more laughter. Sho groans. There’s clapping all around the table again before the DM clears her throat and continues triumphantly.

 “You also earn ten gold from the audience.”

 “Hey,” a male voice interrupts. He’s doing his best to sound offended, but it’s obvious he’s not. Something slides across the table. “When I performed I only got silver coins. And I’m an actual bard.”

 “Yes, but she actually sang,” Foy says matter-of-factly and taps something on the tabletop.

 “So did I.”

 “Poorly. Besides, we all know it’s because Abby thinks our new player is cute.” Someone laughs. High pitched. Female. A hint of an accent I don’t quite recognize.

 “I’m cute,” he protests. I have to put a hand over my mouth so I don’t laugh louder than the recording. The other players are enjoying it too. He must have done something because a sharp peal of laughter comes through the speaker.

 “Really, Chang? You’re trying to get Foy to say you’re cute?”

 “And you’re only filling in for Elias for tonight.” The second male voice scoffs. “What do you really XP and gold for?”

 “It’s the principle.”

 “Oh my god,” Sho laughs. “Can someone please just tell Chang he’s cute so we can get on with it? Zack? Emma?”

 “Don’t look at me,” the second male voice says. “Besides, I thought he were busy swooning over Dr. Yu? Or is it just a coincidence that your password is ‘OMGhotboss’?”

 “How did you even know that?”

 “It’s on a post-it note on your desk. It’s more of a surprise that anyone on the station doesn’t know it.”

 I wonder if Morgan ever noticed it. I remember in the sim I saw it almost immediately. He wasn’t exactly trying to hide it. Morgan must have walked past his work station every day and caught a glimpse of it. The ‘devastatingly handsome’ line on his psychoscope profile makes a lot more sense now. Jason Chang was dead by the time the simulation started, though. There weren’t a lot of recordings, either. He had unrestricted access to the office during the testing, which seems like a lot of power for a secretary. Given the office I remember was mostly filled with useless junk, a few books, and a stash of moonshine there probably wasn’t too much to worry about. Another player—Emma, I’m assuming—interrupts my train of thought.

 “Does this have to do with that time at the Yellow Tulip?”

 “You mean the New Year’s party?” Sho sounds smug as she asks. She knows the answer, but clearly wants to hear it from Chang.

 And this is when the audio runs out. I might have yelled ‘damn it’ when the playback stopped, but now at least I know which files to search through for the other game logs. I am, however, left with a significant amount of unanswered questions. Particularly about the New Year’s party in question.

 “How’s it going, Morgan?” Alex’s voice cuts in over the TranScribe. Responding to higher levels of brain activity, maybe. I’m sure whoever monitors my data feed has been getting some interesting response levels.

 “Great.” I’m a little too enthusiastic in responding. I also just found the next log for this session courtesy of Emma Beatty’s ‘IMPORTANT MEETING NOTES’ file.

 “That’s great.” He sounds genuinely happy about that. Considering what a mess my first few days interacting with the crew have been like, I can’t blame him. I hear footsteps on the other end of the line briefly before Alex comes back in. “I’m glad the files are useful. Learning anything interesting?”

 “A little. Wish there was more data on some of the employees. Emma. Zachary. Jason. The latter particularly.”

 “Jason Chang?” He snorts. It’s almost a laugh. “You were drinking buddies. Or something like that. He’s probably why your entire stash of moonshine was missing when you finally made it to your office.”

 I make an executive decision not to mention the “hot boss” thing. Or the party. Alex sounds like he’s impatient to get to the topic he actually called about. I load up the next recording and let it buffer while I wait. He gives me a few seconds to type before continuing ahead.

 “You think you’ll be ready to go face the world again soon?”

 “Yeah. Definitely.”

 “Doctor Igwe told me you were having some trouble with your mimetics the other day.”

 “I wasn’t feeling great. Some people cry, I turn into wispy black sentient smoke. Kind of a weird trade off.”

 “Morgan, try to be serious.” When he says that, I can actually hear him taking his glasses off and pinching his nose. The first Morgan must have been a real joy to work with if that’s such an innate reaction in him. “If you think that’s going to happen again, I need you to be honest with me. We’ve never monitored extreme emotions in Typhon before. It could be a natural reaction to stressful stimuli.”

 “It might. I’m still getting the hang of things.” I’m aware of what a vast understatement this is, but I want Alex to have some faith in me. His optimism about the project is contagious. I’d rather not lose that. I take a breath, hold it for a second, and let it out. My thoughts clear. “If it happens again and I start to change, what do I do? Head back up here?”

 “Or the Typhon Research Lab if you can’t get to the grav shaft. Dr. Park knows about your situation. She’ll help.” He pauses. Something clinks against glass. “She actually wanted to schedule an appointment with you for a physical exam, but it didn’t seem like a good idea right now.”

 “What kind of physical?”

 “DNA stability, mostly. See if the dosage of psi hypos you’re getting is right or if you need any more cell lines to balance things out.” Another pause. I wish I could hear thoughts over TranScribe, but no such luck. Alex makes a small humming noise. “This isn’t about what happened the other day, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s all routine. Well, it’s going to be a routine. We’ve all got a lot of adjusting to do, but I think once we start getting things back to something like normal it’ll start going a lot smoother.”

 “Yeah.” Now I’m a little glad you can’t project thoughts through a TranScribe. I’m pretty sure fear of doctor’s visits isn’t something I’m supposed to have.  The name Bellamy comes to mind, a swirl of respect and regret, and I remember that I saw his corpse in the sim. I tune out just long enough to get my mind in order and come back to myself to catch the end of Alex’s explanation of the examination procedure.

 “I’ll make arrangements with Dr. Park when you’re feeling up for it,” he finishes. I get the feeling that’s going to be never. The way my body works is as alien to me as it is to anyone else on the station and I’m not sure I want to know the result of a physical, let alone take one. I start to tell Alex that, but think better of it. Silence hangs on the other end of the line producing the kind of gravity specific to situations you don’t want to be in. Glass clicks against one of those gaudy, TranStar coasters. Alex sighs. “Morgan, listen. I know it’s been rough, but you’re doing great. I want you to know that.”

[myaekingheart]

I don’t know but for some reason I’ve been feeling really weird all day/evening. Like I was fine when I woke up, had a bowl of cereal, some dark chocolate, and some chex mix, and then my IBS started acting up again so I spent the rest of the afternoon between the living room on my laptop and running to the bathroom. I think that’s when the feeling really started, I don’t know. By 6pm, I started feeling hungry again so my boyfriend and I bundled up and ran down the street to pick up some food and that’s when I really noticed it. On the car ride over, I had this fleeting thought about what if life was really just one big VR and nothing I was seeing out of the windshield was actually real and I guess you could say I started dissociating a bit? I didn’t expect the thought to affect me the way it did, or at least as much as it did, though looking back I see now that that makes absolutely no sense, of course it would fuck me up. We spent way more time getting food than I would’ve liked to, since they were short-staffed and it took a while for our order, but while I was there the feelings just got worse and worse. The guy running the register and the drive-through looked simultaneously foreign and all too familiar and I wished he had a name tag on so I could try and see if I really did know him from someplace, like some dream of a dream or fleeting moment ten years ago or something. I noticed myself picking up on the details of the restaurant more than usual, thinking of how the decor reminded me of the diner set in The Sims 2 and then my mind hopped back to “What if none of this is real?” again. They always play light rock over the speakers, the kind of music you’d expect to hear at a bus station or in the airport bathroom or something. On the drive back home, I realized that we’ve never gone there during daylight. Only at nighttime. That didn’t really help the panic, to be quite honest. Neither did my boyfriend’s spiel about how car accidents are inevitable regardless of how good a driver you are (since he’s been tasked with teaching me how to drive now that I have my own car-- this is very backwards). I tried to remain calm while we were eating, focusing on the show we were watching rather than the nagging little fears in the back of my mind but much like car accidents, paying mind to those thoughts is also inevitable. At least I ate something, so I’m proud enough of myself. In the past couple hours, though, I feel like I‘ve just been spiraling further and further. It’s such a weird sensation that’s honestly so hard to really pinpoint. It’s like everything is far too foreign and familiar all at once, and there’s a stale, dry, warm taste in my mouth and a lump in my throat. I sip water but no matter what, I still fear that there’s something keeping me from swallowing. Sometimes my nose feels weird, like a tingly or full sensation, and that scares me because I know what typically comes after that. Sometimes I feel as if I’m gasping for breath, which I’m beginning to finally get an understanding as to why. My boyfriend smokes pot constantly and we never have the windows open or anything, there’s zero ventilation in this house and so when he smokes, it always wafts right into my face and I’m forced to inhale it. It’s disgusting and I hate it and I can’t wait for the day he quits but it seems like that won’t be for a long while now so I just have to suck it up and deal with it, basically (believe me, we’ve had conversations about this time and time again even before we moved in together and he refuses to back down, says he’ll quit eventually but he won’t now. Let’s just say I’ve put up with this for a long time). My anxiety always hikes up, too. Sometimes I feel dizzy, I get this tinge in my chest, and it’s like the sensation of your chair on the verge of tipping over constantly. It’s a rising feeling in your chest that makes you feel like perhaps you might be sick, even though it’s not necessarily local to your esophagus so much as it is to just the pit of your chest, similar to the way you can feel the cold of a sip of ice water extend across your chest. There’s even a semi-sexual aspect to it, as well. There’s a feeling in your pants almost like someone is trying to pleasure you, or at least like your body wants someone to. It’s looking at familiar things and feeling differently, terrifyingly, about them. It’s strange flashes of memory, sensory and vivid. It’s visions triggered by smells and sounds; caramel corn triggering memories of movie theaters and that store in the Germany pavilion in Epcot; one song reminding you of summers spent sunbathing by your childhood best friend’s pool, and another associated with all those sleepovers you had playing Mario Kart and pretending you were vampires. It’s a twisting feeling in your gut remembering the way you once felt about a person, the initial shock and strange new sensation of butterflies in your stomach and viewing them in a very specific way, that made you feel a very specific way. It’s seeing practically everything differently. It’s your eyesight focusing in and out and a dull ache in your head. It’s wringing your hands together, tapping your foot, shifting your body, taking deep breaths, squeezing your water bottle, struggling to swallow back the imaginary rock in your throat. It’s hypochondria, fearing that every little ache or pain in your body is indicative of something fatal. A pain in my arm? Must be having a heart attack. Out of breath? Must have a collapsed lung, or this must be a symptom of secondhand smoke and I’m finally actually killing myself. Headache on one side of my head? Must be a brain tumor. Sore muscle on the right side of your middle back? Must be a kidney issue. Nausea? I guess I‘m gonna get sick. What if I’m pregnant? What if I have food poisoning? What if my piss is so clear because I’m drinking too much water? And what if that’s why I can barely handle drinking anything else now? Because I’ve drank so much water over the years that I’ve ruined my kidneys, fucked up their function so that now they don’t know how to filter toxins out of my body and keep me well? It’s fearing that everything I eat is out to get me. What if this food wasn’t prepared properly? What if there’s too much grease in this, or the grease hasn’t been changed out recently? What if there’s caffeine in this? I can’t have caffeine. What if this has been sitting out for too long and has gone bad already? How long does it take for food to even go bad? Two hours? Two minutes? Two days? What about expiration dates? We’ve gotta keep tabs on expiration dates. How long has this been in here? A week? Even if it’s still good, it’s inherently bad and that means it goes in the trash. And nutrition labels. We need to read nutrition labels. How many calories is that? How can I consume as many calories as possible while eating as little as possible? Is that non-alkalized chocolate? Then it’s not going in my mouth because that’s going to make me sick. What number red dye am I allergic to again? Might as well just avoid the whole spectrum because I can’t fucking remember. It’s everything weighing on me constantly, every little nagging fear and thought and feeling. And it’s constant. It’s so fucking constant. My unease is always constant.

[guigz1-coldwar]

Feeling better (Fem!BellxGreta Keller)

Just after returning at the E9 Safehouse after capturing Volkov, Greta Keller is somehow worried about Bell's state and ask Adler if it's possible to take her out for a night !

Warning : Little Smut !

----------------------- A long night was finished for Adler's team !

They succeeded in their mission in East-Berlin to get their hands on Anton Volkov, a Russian mobster working for Perseus. The guy was maybe an dick but capturing him was going to give the MI6 a good & comfortable undercover positions in the other side of the Iron Curtain & and on Perseus's various operations. Adler wanted him dead but Bell decided otherwise as she was with the MI6 and with Park on the idea to capture him. Of course, they also succeed on getting their hands on the infos that Franz Kraus was going to give him but now, it was time to get out of East-Berlin to return to the E9 safehouse in the other side of the city.

During that mission, the team were helped by Greta Keller, Hudson's contact inside the BND, that helped them to have some intels about Kraus. Her help was just limited to giving the team these intels and that was it but nothing could have predict that she was going to be captured by Kraus himself as she has tried to follow him back to this apartment and found herself tied up in his secret dark room hidden in his office. She was pleading for her life when Bell somehow entered the apartment to find his briefcase. Bell was just supposed to plant a tracker in it and get away but noices coming from a cupboard brought her attention and finally found Keller but it was too late to free her as Bell was knocked out by behind by Kraus. Now, they were in the same situation !

Founding them tied up in Volkov's warehouse was for them, the end of it but like guardians angels, the team arrived in time to save them from their deaths. They were both relieved to be saved and now they could finally breathe without being tied up with a rope. The mission was done and everyone were going to come back to the safehouse. But there were something that were preoccupying Keller for a reason...something about Bell. Even if Bell was smiling, Keller saw that there were something wrong about her and that she wasn't feeling good at all. Keller knew of the true identiy of Bell like everyone else but she saw that Bell was not feeling comfortable around the team.....something was bothering her. It all begins when she met Bell back in that bar, the discussion was nice but Bell's voice during it put questions inside Keller's mind.

What's wrong with her ?

She was asking to herself that question during the way back to the E9 Safehouse as she was obliged to follow the team because her position in East-Berlin was compromised by a double agent in the BND. During the way inside the van drived by Lawrence Sims, Keller was looking sometimes Bell to see how she was feeling. Bell was either avoiding contact with the others or trying to be silent when she was asked about something like if her state didn't want her to talk and that's the thing Keller was concerned. Park tried sometimes to talk with Bell but Bell was very evasive in her voice. The others tried to put her in the discussion they were having but each time, she was withdrawing herself from it. It was strange, very strange !

After dropping Volkov to the MI6 as a 'little gift', the team was finally back at the safehouse, it was time for everyone to get some rest....a well-deserved rest but not for everyone for the moment. As Lazar and Sims decided to leave the others to be the firsts to have some sleeps, Adler stayed at his desk to make some writing, especially to make reports of their mission they just had. Park was accompanying Bell to the medical room to treat the wounds she received during the fight in the warehouse but also those she had got by Volkov. Keller was.....well.....this place wasn't somewhere she wanted to stay any longer but as her position in East-Berlin was compromised, she had no choice but to stay here until her superiors call her to relocate her in a new mission.

She was still in the same place as everyone went on their own ways, she still has her question in mind about Bell but not having her answer was....stressing her out, she couldn't explain how, the only thing now was to ask. As Bell was occupied with Park, Keller's only way to have something concrete was to see Adler himself. She decide after thinking for a few minutes, to see him. She moved at his desk when he had just finished to write his report when he saw her walking to him

"Miss Keller." He said as he put his head up

"Sir." She stopped just near the desk, not wanting to be too close to this man

"Please, call me Adler." He put his hand on a cigarette pack where he go out a cigarette before looking back to her "Smoke ?"

"Sorry, I have my own, Adler." She replied, gesturing her refusal "And I only smoke german ones."

"You want something ?" He light up his cigarette

"Well, I wanted to know about my status because I've been compromised back in East-Berlin and....I don't know where to go right now." She scratched the back of her head with her left hand as she rolled her eyes. That was one of the things she wanted to know but not the most important. "I suppose I had to wait here ?" She added "Right ?"

"Right now, it's too late to call your bosses." He raised his eyebrow with a little smile "So yeah, you will have to stay here for the moment."

"Am I supposed to sleep on the ground ?" She joked

"Haha, funny" He laughed "We got free beds in the back, so feel yourself at home."

And then, it was the silence between the two,only the sound of the rain was heard outside in the whole room, they both looked away from each other avoiding after Adler's little reply. Then, after two minutes of complete silence, Greta decided to ask....what she wanted to know. Let's hope she will have her answer. It's all she wanted to know.

"So, Adler" She started "About Bell...." She didn't have time to finish that Adler at hearing this name, turned around to look at her

"What do you want to know about Bell ?" He asked, concerned and slightly raising his eyebrow again, this time without a smile

"I know the truth about her but there's something that is preoccupying me right now." She looked at the door of the medical room, hoping that Bell will not come out by surprise

"You....you worried about her ?" He smirked

"Why ? I shouldn't be worried ?" She looked back at him with naworred eyes

"We all know who is she, so-" He cut himself out before looking Greta in the eyes "Anyway, why are you worried about her ?"

"I think that she's not feeling well. During my discussion back in that bar 2 hours ago, she wasn't at 100% of her moral like if something was disturbing her." Her words was some sort of making Adler realize that what she was saying was right.

"Yeah, you're right." He put his cigarette on the desk "Bell was dizzy before we left here to get to the U-Bahn."

"Is this...linked to the fact she was drugged ?" Greta knew that Bell was brainwashed, she knew that Bell was needed to be drugged to be sure that she stay well but she wasn't approving that sort of things on her. But if Bell still feel weird, it is because of the meds the others gave her ?

"I don't know." He said honestely "I tried to ask what she had and that we had a job to do but she told me....to go fuck myself ! Hopefully, Park was here to get her back on tracks." He added, using a sarcastic tone at the end

"Maybe something according to her personal life ?"

"I don't know, miss Keller."

Keller wasn't sure to ask the thing she wanted to tell right now but it was too late and fuck it, it's better to tell it than keep it for herself. She breathe a little and then, she was ready !

"Can I take her out for....a drink ?"

Hearing this make Adler cough all the smoke of his cigarette out of his mouth. He patted himself on the chest to take back his breath and when it was done, he looked Greta back with incomprehesion on his face. He never though that she will ask something like that.

"What ?" He simply said

"You heard me good enough, Adler" She crossed her arms, she know that he heard her well "I want, if it's possible, to take Bell for a little drink."

"You're asking me to let my asset with you for a night ?"

"Your asset, like you said, is a human being" She put her hands on his desk at listening at this "If you want her to be fully operational, give me the night to make her feeling good."

"And where do you want to go with her ?"

"I know a place, that will be just me & her."

"Well, if you want that...." He stopped himself at the sound of a door opening started to be heard "Ask her by yourself."

Greta looked behind her : it was the medical room door that was opening. Bell was the first one to get out of the room, she has some dressings on her face, covering the multiple cuts she received. She was smiling but Greta could see that this smile was a fake one as her face been all white betrayed her true state. Greta was the only one to see it. Park was following Bell and then closed the door behind her. Greta turned her back to see Adler and to faint a discussion but she realize that he left his desk without having her to notice it. She was now alone.

"See ? Told you that I'm the girl to heal you !" Park exclaimed to Bell

"Thanks, Park." Bell replied, looking at her "Appreciated it."

"Hey, Greta, still here ?" Park said, having spotted Greta near Adler's office

"Yeah, need to stay here until tomorrow." Greta responded

"Ok." Park looked back at Bell "We're going to sleep now, we all tired."

"I.....I"m not tired, Park." Bell said "I maybe going to check things on my desk."

"Bell, what did I told you ?" Park rolled her eyes, in a lovely voice "You need to rest, it's been two days you didn't sleep."

"I'm okay." Bell muttered "No need to worry." Park was looking at her worried but anyway, since Bell doesn't want to sleep, she couldn't argue more with her. It was better for Park to let her alone

"Well." Greta was surprised when Park landed a little kiss on Bell's cheek that wasn't wounded and then walked away to the dorm. "Good night, Bell....and you too, Greta." Bell was also surprised by her gesture but that didn't change her state and she wasn't feeling better.

Now, Greta was alone with Bell....just with Bell. The two didn't move from their positions and no one talked. After a few moments, Bell decided to move to her desk while Greta stayed near Adler's desk, leaned against it, arms crossed. Her gaze fall on Bell when she arrived at her desk and start to write on some papers. Greta was seeing someone that was too much focused on work....maybe that was the thing that was disturbing her ? But as Greta was looking at her, Bell was kinda feeling weird to be observed by an woman she didn't really know. Finally, after 5 minutes, Bell called her out.

"You....you want something ?" Bell asked, confused in her voice as she was still working and not looking away

"I....uh....no...I mean, yes." Greta couldn't find her words, troubled to find out that Bell knew she was watched "It's about you." Bell look at her slowly

"About me ?" She said as she raised an eyebrow

"Yes, about you, Bell." She walked a little, away from Adler's desk "I'm worried about you."

"Why ?" Bell told her

"I saw through you.....you're not feeling well....more bad than good."

"How did you see that ?"

"You tried to hide it multiples times but I could see it : your face...your eyes were betraying you. Our discussion in that bar showed it to me....and Adler told me."

"What did he told you ?" Bell got up from her chair and faced Keller, she clenches her fists and jaw putting some scares to Greta who step backwards but too late as Bell grabbed Greta by her coat collar and put her against the wall "Don't tell me that he said it to you."

"He said...." She tried to find her words but having someone who grabbed her and looking threatening wasn't helping at all "He said that you told him to go fuck himself" She joked, hoping to calm the situation down "He saw you were not well but you pushed him away."

"So he didn't tell you everything." Bell finally released Greta, relieving her

"Everything ?" Greta asked "What do you mean ?"

"You don't want to know." Bell turned her back around but she didn't walk away. Greta hesitated but she put her hand on Bell's shoulder.

"Bell, I'm asking because I want to help you." Bell, feeling Greta's hand on her shoulder removed it delicately without been brutal to her

"It's not something I want to talk here." Bell moved to get to Adler's desk, she grabbed a key from his desk and then turned back to Greta "Let's go somewhere else, we'll talk about it."

"You changed your mind ?" Greta was very surprised that Bell agreed to talk

"Just follow me, okay ?"

And then, without hesitating, Greta started to follow Bell outside where the rain was still falling down but having see her grabbing keys meaned that Bell wanted to go somewhere else, away from that place. Bell walked out to the same van they used to get out of East-Berlin where she ordered Greta to get in. If Greta wanted responses, she will have them. But Greta was still suspicious about what Bell wanted to do with her. She was the one who planned to take her out for a drink and now, Bell was the one to do it. She, of course, tried to know where Bell wanted to go but the only response that came in was 'somewhere quiet'.

After starting the van, Bell drove away from the safehouse with Greta at her side. What she has in mind was too precious to be told in the safehouse and she wanted to go somewhere else to clean up her mind. The drive didn't last long in fact. Bell stopped the van in a forest, still in West-Berlin, they were near the Havel river in a secluded place, away from the eyes of everyone else. Bell even stopped the van backward against the river to make sure to have a beautiful view on it and by luck, the rain stopped dropping in the sector. After that, Bell walked away from the driver seat and got behind when she opened the backdoors and then, sit on the edge of the van.

Greta was a little worried that Bell brought her to that place but anyway, she will have her answers there. She joined Bell by sitting next to her.

"So....what are we doing here ?" Greta asked

"You said you wanted to know why I'm feeling weird." Bell rolled her eyes, it was obvious...very obvious that she wanted to say it "You'll know."

"It's okay, I'm...ready to hear it." Greta said. Bell looked at her for a few instants and then back at looking at the horizon, she took a deep breath before starting.

"All these years inside the MI6, we've been told that....love is the worst thing to do because that got you attached to things." She started "I never fall in love because of that advice. I was never loved in my life."

"I'm sorry to hear that, that's very hard for you." Greta put her hand on Bell's shoulder again but this time, Bell didn't remove it.

"I felt so stupid to have listened to this advice but I'm not feeling well since I.....uhm.....fell in love." Bell crossed her arms

"You don't need to feel weird, Bell." Greta said with a smile, trying to reconfort her "Love is a normal thing to have."

"I don't know if I should consider it as a compliment but thanks."

"And.....sorry to be indiscreet but....who's the lucky guy ?"

"It's Park !"

Wow....Greta was quite surprised to hear that.....Bell was not loving a guy, it was about a women all along and it was about Park. Bell was feeling weak and dizzy because of the feelings she catch for the British spy.

"Wait, you're talking about Helen Park, right ?" Greta removed her hand, her eyes went wide "THE Helen A. Park ?"

"Of course, who do you think I was talking about ?

"But why are you not feeling okay ?"

"Because I don't know if she's feeling the same right like me." Bell started to have some tears from her eyes. Greta just saw the hidden side of Bell : a woman troubled by her choices and the opinions of the others. "I'm different."

"Bell, don't say that."

"I'm a woman loving another woman and people around me said that that's not how it works." Her voice was cracking just by saying that "I'm a lesbian, that's why I'm not okay."

'I'm sorry."

"Adler always put out jokes about me and how I'm feeling. It's....starting to be too much for me. It all started back in Vietnam....and it all begin again when he came back."

"So, that's why you told him to go fuck himself ?" Greta tried to make her laugh a little and that worked

"Yeah, I had enough of him." Bell sighed, she cleaned up her mind but she didn't want to leave that place "Why I'm so different, Keller ?"

"Bell, you don't need to give a fuck about what the others say about that." Greta exclaimed "The only thing that count is that how you see things." She wrapped her hands around Bell's ones "That's how I feeling right now."

"What do you mean ?" Bell asked, confused of Greta's moves

"I'm like you, Bell. It's hard to tell the others how you're really feel about them....I also love women." She smile "I also faced the same things.....just like you."

"But, I don't know how I can say that and what can I do."

"Meaning ?"

"I was never loved, I never kissed a girl.....I never had sex." Bell sighed again in desperation "I'm not made for love."

"Bell." Greta moved her hands to put them on Bell's shoulders "Look at me." Bell complied and they both looked at each other. They were both looking troubled but then, without hesitation, Greta leaned forward and put her lips on top of Bell's ones. She didn't know she was going to do it but seeing Bell like that, she knew she had to do it anyway. Bell was very surprised at this. She didn't close her eyes or even moved her lips away. Her heart was pounding faster at this moment : it was her first kiss in her entire life....and the one who was kissing wasn't the one she loved. At this realization, Bell withdrawed from the kiss.

"What....what did you do ?" She asked, trembling

"I kissed you, Bell."

"But why ? You know that...I love Park."

"I want you to feel better, Bell." Greta looked away, ashamed "I'm sorry if that did disturbed you." She started to move away from Bell "We should get back to the others."

"No, wait" Bell take Greta's arm with her hands stopping her "I want to feel better."

"What do you mean ?"

"You know it well.....please."

"Bell, I don't know if it's a good idea to be sure."

"Just....please, I want to know how that happens." Greta wasn't so sure to do that but finally, she resigned herself and let Bell make her sit back again next to her. Bell wanted to know it but she didn't have the strengh to do it by herself "Please....kiss me again."

Greta could only give a little smile before she moved again and their lips met again. This time, Bell indeed moved to kiss her too. This wasn't a simple kiss on the lips now, their tongues were now intertwined each other. Bell put her hands around Greta's waist as Greta put her hands on Bell's face. She wanted to give her the best kiss to make sure she remember a good memory of it and to make sure for her to know that they were both alike. The kiss were so intense that the two fall back inside the van, Greta finding herself on top of Bell. The two stopped the kiss to take a breath and the two were happy....mostly Bell.

Greta removed her jacket on the side and closed the back doors of the van, Bell was looking at her with lovely eyes, she was discovering more about the German spy and the fact that this woman, in front of her, who became her first experience in kissing, was making her proud but Bell didn't want to stop now, there were so much to know about. As Greta was going to go for another kiss, Bell stopped her.

"Greta, I....I....I want to do this." Bell said, her voice sounding exhausted

"You want to have sex ?" Greta asked

"Yes, show me." Bell took Greta's left hand and put it just on her scrotch "Show me how I can really feel in love."

"Bell, I don't know....and Park ?" Greta didn't wanted to make Bell fall in love with her, she knew that she will not see Bell again after this night, only kissing for her was the thing to do. She wanted to reconfort her, nothing else but as Greta told her that Bell start to have some tears coming out of her eyes. "Please, don't cry....please." Greta was really touched by Bell right now, she cleaned up the tears with her other hand....and also her start to have some tears too. For the first time, Greta was helping someone to feel better and she was refusing her proposal to go further and after seeing Bell's reaction, she knew that she will not be at 100% for the future and that she will never tell her feelings to Park.

"Greta, help me." Bell's voice was cracking under the weight of the emotions

"Bell, I..." Greta voice's too, she couldn't refuse anymore. "Ok, I will but...."

"But ?"

"I will be the only one to do it, okay ? I don't want you to fall in love with me." Greta pass her hand through Bell's hair

"Why ?"

"Because after that night, we will not see each other again and I can't afford it." Greta was telling the truth. "You're not loving me, you're loving Park, not me."

"I just want to know, Greta."

"Bell, If I let you do this to me, you're risking to catch feelings for me and I don't want it. I don't want to take that risk." Greta's hand after passing through Bell's hair, get on Bell's cheek, slowly stroking it "You don't deserve me."

"Just do it, please." Bell finally resigned to Greta's proposition, she didn't want to take that risk too after what Greta told her. When Greta kissed her, Bell first thought that she was the one to love but now that Greta will never return to the safehouse again, she realize that she was threatening her own feelings for Park. She is always there for Bell and Bell didn't want to lose her. "I promise."

"You promise ?"

"I do."

"Ok, I need you to relax now." Greta moved away to get at the same level of Bell's pants "Relax, let me take care of you." She started to remove them slowly, being giving a little help from Bell and after a few seconds, the pants were removed, Bell decided to kept her shoes because of the cold floor of the van. Greta was giving a look at Bell's face, not wanting to hurt her. "Tell me if you want me to stop." Greta could discover Bell's underwear and it was lovely....too lovely to remove, she decided to put the underwear part covering Bell's clit to the side. Before starting, Greta took a last look to Bell, she was panicking. "Bell, don't panick, I'm here."

"Please." Bell breathed

Greta started before to blow some air onto Bell's clit, teasing her a little bit and then, she begins. She leaned forward and start to lick her clit from up to bottom. Feeling Greta's tongue alongside her pussy was giving Bell some chills inside her body. Her hands was holding the floor firmly as she was taken away by Greta. Wow....the only thing Bell was thinking right now. Everything was amazing right now for her, she couldn't think straight but she's sure as hell to love this moment.

"Bloody hell." Bell moaned in pleasure as Greta started to lick more faster

"Don't panick." Greta stopped herself but she wasn't stopping to take a breath but in fact, she told her that because as soon she finished, she started to brought her index finger inside Bell's clit, making Bell jump a little but she calmed herself as Greta ordered.

Everything Greta was doing was filling Bell with more pleasure and more lust than she never had before. The moanings were becoming loud as Greta licked faster and was fingering her at the same time, it was amazing. She never thought that she will be doing her first time with someone she only met hours ago and she realize that she was like her. She wouldn't wanted this to stop, the moment were too beautiful to stop, her heart pounding faster.

"Fuck, Greta..." Bell exclaimed, filled with all the pleasure she wanted but then, she was starting to get more close to something she never had before : orgasm. "Greta, I...I'm feeling...." Bell never felt such thing and when she said that, Greta stopped and get back at her level

"It's okay." Greta smiled before getting her lips back into the top of Bell's one while she was still stroking Bell's clit with her hand, rapidly. Getting kissed and stroked at the same time....well that was giving the best from Bell and finally after at least 30 seconds, Bell finally released everything she had and squirt on the van floor. Greta withdrawed from the kiss to let Bell see what was happening. Bell was taking back her breath, relieved to finally enjoy herself with a woman. She waited all of her life for this moment.

As they were finally finished, Greta give Bell a last little kiss on her lips.

"Greta...thanks you." Bell put her hand on Greta's cheek but then, she started crying again

"Bell, what's wrong ?" Greta asked, worried

"I shouldn't ask you, I'm sorry." Bell was feeling sorry because even she was finally able to have a little bit of sex, something inside of her hoped to have waited

"Don't say that." Greta could only lay down next to Bell. Bell, seeing her, moved her arms to hug Greta, still crying and putting her head on her chest "Why are you crying ?"

"I....I wanted to do this with Park, I shouldn't do it now."

"Bell, it's okay, you don't need to worry about her" She wrapped her arm around Bell "I'm sure that Park loves you."

"What can make you think that ?"

"I know Park very well to know when she's in love with someone. Why do you think she's still with you since you arrived ?"

"That doesn't-"

"Everything was here : that kiss she gave you on the cheek, the fact that she's worried about you. Park....love you." Greta was right, she know Park enough to tell the truth to Bell "She's like you, she doesn't know if you're like her too."

"You're sure ?"

"Of course, Bell. I saw it the first time I saw you two together !"

"Thanks you....thank you !" Bell was a little bit of disoriented right now, she just wanted to have sleep now, she didn't sleep for 2 days. "Greta, can we....can we sleep here ?" Bell asked, not sure "I don't want to return back to the safehouse for the moment."

"Bell, it's okay." Greta put her arms around Bell "We have the night for both of us to talk about anything you want."

"I just want to sleep." Bell closed her eyes "I want to think about Park."

"It's okay !"

Bell closed her eyes, she spent 2 two days non-stop to decrypt files, to kill bad guys and to capture a Perseus agent and finally finished these 2 days by discovering what was love with Greta Keller, something she never had the pleasure in her life but thanks to her, that pleasure was given. Greta showed her that her feelings with Park were real and just helped to make her feel better. Bell couldn't be more thankful than with anyone else. Greta was pleased to have help Bell in a difficult moment. Even if Adler was considering Bell as an asset, Greta saw her like just any human being with a heart....a heart that wanted to shout her true feelings about herself. Both women were happy and could finally slept in each other arms. It was just a way for both women to say to each other that this night means a lot for them.

Bell could finally feel better !

[guigz1-coldwar]

New chapter for 'Overlord: Cold War' is out!

Chapter Summary: Yirina is getting Adler's attention in the plane while Zasha is sleeping as in Turkey, the CIA is waiting for them to arrive at their destination...

To read it on AO3, click here!

Taglist: @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

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3rd June 1984, 20H00

Yirina Grigoriev, Ex-KGB, MI6

I never felt the plane so silent since we took off from London to reach our destination that was in Turkey, no one was talking as Zasha was sleeping on their seat while the other, Russell Adler, if I remember right, was staying silent on his own, smoking his cigarette and looking away through the porthole even if sometimes, I could see him take a look at Zasha & me, using a rather curious look but I wasn't really caring about him, doing my things away from the two.

In my bag, I did take only what I thought to be necessary for me and that wasn't too much: a combat knife, my M1911, some clothes, and my personal diary. Those were the only things that I took with me from my car and honestly, it wasn't bothering me, the CIA was surely going to give us the main part of the equipment we were maybe going to use but for the moment, I wanted a bit of relaxing for the rest of the flight.

But, that wasn't going to be easy when I heard some footsteps behind my seat while I was writing down in my diary and when I turned around, I could see Adler going in my direction and arriving near me.

"Can I help you?" I asked him.

"Can I sit over there?" He pointed out to the seat that was in front of me with his left hand, asking it in a demanding voice as if I couldn't refuse actually.

"Why? You want to discuss?" I said, moving my head back to concentrate on my writing but I could still feel his presence next to me and when I just peaked my eyes for a second in his direction, he was still here, hands on his waist. "Fine, take a seat," I sighed, really annoyed, gesturing towards the free seat.

"Thanks," He simply said before he moved finally to get sit in front of me, wondering why the fuck I agreed to let him do this as I wanted peace here. "So, you're Yirina Grigoriev, right?" He started his voice, a bit low as he was having a cigarette between his lips.

"I guess that I was clear when I present myself to you before getting inside the plane," I stated, finding his question a bit stupid. "Of course, I'm Yirina Grigoriev...how stupid..." I muttered at the end to myself, keeping myself on writing.

"Why are you like that?" He demanded, causing me to close my book in an instant, the pen still inside.

"Because I have my reasons, that's all," I told him, putting the book on the little table that was between us. "It's not because I'm here that I will like working with the CIA," I added as I was coming for Zasha but not for working with the CIA and liking them.

"What? Got any hatred with us?" He scoffed, blowing some smoke out of his mouth.

"Yes, I do, no wonder why I was advised to defect to the MI6 & not the CIA by one of your own," I replied, my arms on the seat armrests as his look was getting a bit curious at me by my words I said to him. "You, the Americans are not so different from the KGB; always been messy & not discreet," I alleged.

"What did we do to you? Something bad?" He asked, curiously, his cigarette between his fingers.

"I lost my BND girlfriend during one of your operations in 1982, that's why," I responded, clenching my fists only to think about that day that I managed to get over but still present inside of me. "Name was Greta Keller," I divulged her name...impossible for me to forget it but I managed to get over it...I did.

"Shit, sorry," Adler spoke up, feeling sorry about me. "I knew her a little but I'm sorry if your girlfriend died that day,"

"Oh yeah, someone broke her neck and it was a CIA agent doing that, don't know if you actually mean it," I claimed, remembering when I was tied up on that chair with her, seeing an undercover CIA agent willingly going to put his arms around her neck and broke it as if it was nothing just seconds before the CIA raided the place we were. "He could have not done this but he did it, that's why I hate the CIA," I finished, taking a breath and putting my left hand on my forehead.

"Listen..."

"No, if you're here to talk about this, you better go up of this seat before I threw you out of the plane," I warned him clearly, never been so threatening to someone like him but he was looking unimpressed by my voice and to say, it was better for me to stay calm if I don't want to do this for real.

"No, I wanted to talk about Zasha with you," He exclaimed, getting the palms of his hands on the table at a few centimeters from my diary. "How long do you know them?" He asked.

"I met them in August 1981, a few days after they entered the MI6," I answered, my voice cooling down. "I was already in the MI6 since mid-1980 if you want to know, defected from the KGB and now, trying to do her best to survive," I guessed the future questions he was maybe going to ask me, knowing the curiosity of this man.

"And how they were when you met them?" He demanded.

"In bad shape, they lost their brother and a common friend we got in the same day, I tried the best but it got worse when their wife died, I never saw them hitting the bottom like that," I breathed, remembering the difficult moments that Zasha faced, thinking that the whole world was against them. "Since, they're like me, trying to survive," I added.

"Hmm..." He mumbled, passing his hand through his jaw on the side where he got some weird scars. "And I think that you two have another common friend: Helen Park, right?" He presumed and I nodded. "How is she by that way?"

"Do you know her?"

"Yes, we worked on some projects & joint missions in the past, the last one was in 1981," He answered perfectly. "It was some basic missions & some special projects but nothing too interesting...how far do you know her?" He continued in his questions, finding myself trapped to answer them in front of him.

"Park? I know her well, she's...we're together for 3 months but she disappeared two months ago, impossible to locate her," I replied, passing my hands through my face to avoid in fact, any tears to come out and to hide my pain a bit. "No one knows where she is,"

"Sounds bad, I'm sorry for you again," He apologized, sounding right in his words. "I hope that you will find her again," He said, causing me to shrug in a questioning mood, wondering if I could really do this.

"Yeah, maybe..." I whispered before I locked my eyes on his own, wanting now to turn the table. "And you, how did you know Zasha?" I decided to be the one asking the questions here, starting by it.

"Zed...Zasha...they defected in January 1981 during an operation in Turkey, helped us to stop Greenlight to be used by Perseus, and then, I let them go join the MI6," He responded, his eyes moving to his cigarette in his hands before moving it to smoke between his lips. "I needed them for this mission as I know that they were the best in their domains and looks like they bring you with them,"

"As I told you, I'm doing this for them," I stated, getting my hands back on my diary as his left hand and fingers were slowly sliding to my diary. "I think that I'm done with you for the moment if you please can let me enjoy this flight in peace," I ordered as I opened back my diary to start writing back on it.

He stayed in front of me for about 10 seconds before he actually decided to get up from the seat and walking away from me, making me release a relieving breath when he wasn't at my sight anymore, going back to his own seat and letting me in peace to write and relax until the plane was going to put its wheels on the Turkish soil...

If only that guy can stop being so curious, maybe I will be relaxing...

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3rd June 1984, 23:58

Katinka Goodman, Ex-Perseus, CIA

CIA backed-up military airfield in Van, Turkey

My past as a Perseus agent was one of the big arguments for my CIA superiors along with my cryptography skills to transfer me in a mission that was involving Perseus in the Kastovian Civil War and of course, I wasn't going to refuse that perfect occasion to put myself back into the field against Perseus, the things that happened in my life fueling my whole hatred against the people I saw once as friends and now, as my enemies.

However, I was a bit surprised when I heard that there were going to be other old Perseus agents joining the mission along with me and the first one I met was none other than Bellamy Petrov, the former son of Perseus himself and to say, I was astonished to see him arriving in the base like that, not blasting his guns to every CIA members inside the compound but he was looking changed and even if the two of us knows each other before, that wasn't the case when I first talked with him.

Right now, two days after my arrival and one after Bellamy, I was alone in the big mess of the military airfield, taking a coffee when I saw Bellamy coming inside the mess alone too.

"Hey, Bellamy," I waved at him when he passed in front of me at my table.

"Hi, Kat," He simply mumbled, waving a very little to me, sounding a bit low in his voice as he was reaching the coffee machine near my table. "Good or bad day for you?" He asked me as he was taking a little cup from his jacket.

"Mixed, that's the thing," I replied, taking a sip from my coffee as he was getting in front of the machine. "Bellamy, why aren't you talking to me like a friend?" I demanded by curiosity to him even if today, he was speaking better but only a little as we didn't talk a lot today.

"It's not because we're both former Perseus agents that we're still best friends, Kat," He responded, moving his hands to start the machine, pressing some buttons. "Come on, are you going to work, you stupid machine?" He raised his voice against it, clenching his right fist.

"Don't be too harsh towards it, Sims only fixed it this morning," I stated, having witnessed him trying to repair the machine after someone punched it hard in the front of it to make it work but then, he didn't listen as he slammed his right fist on the top of the machine, making a loud echo around the mess. "Bellamy..." I sighed.

"I fixed it now," He proclaimed as the machine was really turning on, the coffee going inside the cup he put. "As I said, changing sides are restarting everything in our lives...including our friendship," He alleged, his back turned at me. "We didn't defect from Perseus because we lost a loved one, right?" He scoffed but it wasn't funny for me, having lost someone.

"We did," I whispered in a low voice, enough to have Bellamy look at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Wait, who did you lose?" He asked, taking his cup of coffee in his hands and walking in front of me, staying up.

"Jackal," I breathed saying this name to Bellamy who sat down in front of me, curious. "Stitch betrayed him after a mission in South Africa, a simple bullet to the head and when he saw me witnessing the scene, I fled as fast as I could," I added, recalling in my head the events of that day, spending an entire night hidden from Stitch's men before managing to flee & surrender later to the CIA.

"Shit, we both lose people to him..." He muttered, sounding shocked as he looked away from me, getting my attention on him and what he said. "I did lose people too...Liliya & Kory,"

"They...they're both dead?" I demanded, almost choking myself with my coffee in my mouth when he pronounced their names.

"It was a few months ago: Stitch said that I needed to make a sacrifice for the cause and he tied up the two, asking to shoot dead one of them..." He stopped himself to take a sip of his coffee before taking a deep breath. "When he saw that I wasn't going to do a thing, he shot both in the head, impossible for me to see their faces, that was at this moment I understood that I wasn't working on the good side anymore,"

"Perseus was never good, Bellamy," I stated at him.

"It was...but when it was my father in charge. Now, it's no longer the same with Stitch in charge," He corrected me, sounding convinced still of his father's 'good' deeds to the Collective. "Maybe I should hate my father for making me become a 'soldier' with Liliya & Kory, maybe I shouldn't," He continued, his fingers tapping softly on the table.

"You should hate him, not glorifying him," I suggested to him and I was met by a shrug from him.

"Whatever, now, I'm finding myself working with those I was fighting against before," He sighed, putting his arms on the table and looking around him, seeing the emptiness of the mess. "You heard that there were others Perseus coming in lately?" He questioned and I nodded.

"Yes...Uhm...Zasha Smirnov & Yirina Grigoriev, as I remember," I replied, remembering the name I heard from Sims who was the one making me learn about it. "I didn't know that Zasha was still alive...and coming here," I added, my head trying to remind me of the days I knew Zasha before.

"We'll see if I'm going to punch them for my father's death or not," Bellamy spoke up, clenching his both fists on the table. "And...you said Yirina Grigoriev, wasn't she the former cryptographer of the KGB who was helping the Collective?"

"She did but she wasn't so much involved with us," I answered, remembering her only a very little, talking to her like one or two times exactly. "Said that she became an MI6 agent along with Zasha and now, the two are coming to us,"

"That's funny to think about it," He exclaimed with a smile, looking at the door of the mess getting opening from afar and we could see both Sims coming in, dressed in his usual clothes.

"I hope that you two are getting well along," Sims scoffed from afar as his eyes were on us, the only person around at this time of the day.

"We do, Sims, we do," I affirmed to him as he was stopping behind Bellamy. "Any news from the others?" I asked him.

"Adler & the others will arrive in a few minutes, their plane is in the region," He revealed to us, taking his cap in hand to pass his other hand through his hair. "We also have another former Perseus agent that will arrive tomorrow," He added, causing me & Bellamy to look at him with great curiosity. "Is Sonya Kuzmin means anything to you?"

"Sonya Kuzmin?" I & Bellamy said in shock & unison to hear that name from Sims' mouth.

"Yeap, it said they defected a few days ago and that they will be going to help us," He responded, putting his cap back on his head. "You should get prepared soon for the arrival of the others," He ordered before he decided to walk away from us, meaning that he was just here to learn us of the news.

"Damn, Sonya themselves," Bellamy expressed his shock, eyes all wide like me and very surprised with me...Sonya Kuzmin themselves...coming to help us in that mission...and to say, both of us were literally thinking that the odds were small to have this happening...

"Guess that we will have a big reunion of former Perseus agents soon,"