#some of my late 2020 blood brothers posts got liked and it make me think

[caddyheron]

oh to be 15 again, playing mrs lyons in blood brothers, in love with my best friend and hyperfixating on bbc ghosts

[crownedinmarigolds]

The Stakebait Coterie! Khloe and her boys are out there saving the Atlanta Waterbloods or get Final Death'd trying! (I'll type it all beneath the cut because I know.. my handwriting)

The main characters of the Poisoned Peach - ATL by Night chronicle my beloved is running for me! Khloe is my character, and the boys are my unbeatably dope team.

Name: Khloe Mariah Osbourne

Born: 05/04/1993, Embraced: 2022 by a Ventrue, came out Thinblood, Physical Age: 29

Height: 5'5", Hair: Dark Brown, Eyes: Hazel, Gender: Miss (She/Her), Nationality: American

Likes: Coffee, True Crime, Tabletop RPGs, Being a Minx, Staying Busy

Dislikes: Disappointing Others, Being Unprepared, Not knowing what's up, Her body, Tiktok-Style Ads

A little history: Khloe grew up the only child of very normal people who nastily divorced when she graduated high school. An avid reader and over-thinker, Khloe has immersed herself in many fantasy worlds and strategy games to the point where she seems to think of everything. A people pleaser who has a lot of good acquaintances yet no friends, the lack of companionship was hard-felt when COVID rolled around and kept everyone inside. Had a few partners, though none lasted. One night after visiting her mother, she found herself on a backroad all alone, save for the oncoming headlights that may be straying in her lane. (Where the Poisoned Peach begins!)

Name: Kyle Johnson

Born: 2/3/1994, Embraced: 2020, Sire unknown, but came out Thinblood, Physical Age: 26

Height: 5’10", Hair: N/A, Eyes: Sexy-Boy Brown, Gender: More man than your man (He/Him), Nationality: American

Likes: Feeling needed and helping others, Parties, Drinking cocktails with stupid names, Reasonable reactions.

Dislikes: Being late, people that CAN help and just don't, the MINIONS, Improperly labelled content warnings.

History: His mom was a nurse, her mom was a nurse, and so on. His sisters didn’t want to carry on the tradition, so he decided to go into the medical field himself as an EMT. The stress of the job brought on early balding, but he thrived both on the clock and in the club. One night, he drank a few too many and he woke up in a dumpster the next night, completely clueless. The sunlight began to hurt, nothing sat right in his stomach. Everything was the same yet all so different, better and worse. He spiraled, confused and depressed, until the Dusk Angel found him and helped him come to terms with his new existence. Now Kyle proudly helps the Thinblood Revolution as a kind face to help ease the new blood in, just as he had been.

Name: Randolph "Ralph" Gaylord King III

Born: 10/09/1996, Embraced: 2021 by a Nosferatu, came out Thinblood, Physical Age: 25

Height: 6'5" (Even pre-Embrace, him just big), Hair: Brown (Has to shave the remnants every evening, used to be long and thick and in a man-bun), Eyes: Yellow-Orange (Brown pre-Embrace), Gender: BOI (He/Him), Nationality: American

Likes: Guns, Bad Jokes, Strategy Games, Annoying Christian, Being a right menace

Dislikes: Himself :(, Whiny people, Beer, Signs with sayings meant to be taken serious.

Some Background: Born in St. Louis Missouri, Ralph had a pretty standard lower middle class upbringing. He followed his father and older brother and joined the army when he turned 18 right out of high school. Years of prep and hard work paid off as he went through candidate courses, eventually making it into Special Forces. His career was short-lived however after losing his right foot on his first deployment. Depression and dead-end jobs seemed to be his future until as a joke he started posting thirst-traps on social media, but it got real when his follower count spiked and sponsors started making offers. He was thrown into the life of an Insta-Thot - specifically Fitness Inspo - ultimately landing him in a party in Atlanta, Georgia, where his soon to be sire, Bill - a jealous and spiteful Nosferatu - lurked. Ralph was alone as he stumbled to his hotel room, and Bill could contain his hate no longer. To him, Ralph deserved to be as ugly on the outside as Bill thought he had to be on the inside. Little did Bill know, he messed with the wrong guy.

(Not written due to lack of room, we clearly don't play favorites here...) Eventually found in the sewers by the Dusk Angel, Ralph now serves in the Thinblood revolution, using every skill he's acquired in order to get revenge against the Fullbloods.

Name: Christian Ottavio

Born: 01/16/1989, Embraced: 2017, Gangrel sire but came out Thinblood, Physical Age: A rough 28

Height: 6'1", Hair: Dark Brown, Eyes: Brown, Gender: The MAN (He/Him), Nationality: American

Likes: Beer, Relaxing nights spent inside, Napping, His truck

Dislikes: His family, Wearing tight jeans, Bro-Country music, Fullbloods

A bit of background: Born and bred in Georgia into a rich family with ideals he couldn't wrap his head around. Went into the workforce at a young age in an effort to escape them and be on his own. He's had to sleep in his truck many a night, but eventually got everything together enough to get a roof over his head. That was until some uppity lick decided to draft him into the army of the damned during the Atlanta Sabbat civil war. He was one of many forced to fight during the schism, and one of the few to come out "alive." Before his sire could take him behind the proverbial tool shed, Christian was saved by the Dusk Angel, and now is a proud Thinblood freedom fighter.

[stephspurs]

A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction - BONUS MOMENTS

Surprise!!! I'm back with a select few bonus #bamelia moments!! I just couldn't let the love story of Ben and Amelia die, I hope you don't mind. Love Always, Steph xx

PSA: To all new readers, you don't have to read the series (link below) to understand this, however it would help so that you can understand the preconceived emotions behind the chapter!

Champions Again | di nuovo campioni

warnings; none word count; 1865 writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter. link to fic masterlist here

They had done it, again. The Chelsea boys were lifting their second team trophy for the year, they had just won the Supercup. This was Amelia’s first competition final with the Premier League giants and if she had her way, this wouldn't be last. She was beginning to get addicted to the feeling of winning, of proving to every little girl out there and every sexist male she had ever come across, that anything boys can do, girls can do better. She was letting her results speak for themselves, she was making history and there was nothing that could bring her down from the ninth cloud she was currently riding.

As proud as she was over her own achievements, she was equally as proud of her friends. Whilst she wasn’t part of their Champions League victory, she knew that this moment was just as special to the team that just loved to win. The scenes before her were ones she hoped she would never forget - the look on Jorgi’s face as he lifted his third trophy of the last few months, the crinkles beside Mason’s eyes as he grinned at the camera that was desperate to capture every moment of the evening, the tinge of pink on the apples of Ben’s cheeks as he stood with his hands on his hips while he watched Amelia give her first post-match tactical analysis to the Sky Sports reporter - proud that she was his girl. These were the moments that made Amelia forget all of the hard times, or rather made her realise that all of the hard times were worth it to see her friends, her team, her man smile.

With every great victory comes an even greater after party, and even though the Super Cup final coincided with the start of the season, the boys still believed that they deserved an afterparty to celebrate. Captain Cesar Azpilicueta had kindly offered the grounds of his Surrey home to host the bunch of rowdy boys, and their onslaught on mates and partners on the Sunday afternoon between the Super Cup final and the first match of the Premier League 21/22 season. Whilst they were under strict instruction from the higher powers of Chelsea Football Club (namely; Thomas Tuchel) to keep the drinking to a minimum and to keep themselves out of trouble, the boys were allowed to be boys for one more night.

______________________________________________________________

“Benj, what are you wearing? I don’t know if I should wear a sundress or denim shorts! Please, I need help!” I shouted out to Ben who was currently somewhere in his large house.

“Why would my outfit be able to help you with that decision” I could hear his voice getting closer, his footsteps getting louder as he began to ascend the stairs up to the main bedroom that I had slowly started to take over in the last couple months.

“An opinion is all I’m after - stop being cheeky mate” I shoot back at him as I begin to stand up from my place in front of his wardrobe. It was still his wardrobe, he hadn’t asked me to move in yet so it was still technically his even if it was half full with my clothes. As I got to my feet, I turned to see him leaning in the doorway with his arms and ankles crossed over each other. Wearing a tee shirt and some denim shorts himself with a cap covering his ungelled hair - a request from me because it was much easier for me to run my hands through if it wasn’t laden with gel...and because it gave me an excuse to push it out of his face whenever I felt like it (which was often).

“I wouldn’t mind if you stayed in that outfit to be fair, however, that would also mean we would be skipping this afterparty altogether and be spending the afternoon celebrating in an entirely different manner” He states staring at me while I’m currently standing with my hands on my hips, staring at the shorts and tank top combo I have laid out on his bed - again, his bed not ours - he hasn’t asked me to move in yet so it was technically his even if it did have the new bed sheets I purchased a couple weeks back with the matching throw cushions on it. The barely-there outfit that I was currently sporting and that had him licking his lips as he pushed himself off of the doorway to walk to me and wrap his arms around my body from behind was a bralette and a pair of his Chelsea shorts.

“Ok sorted, you’re in denim shorts so I’m going to wear mine too. Done ok move get off me I need to change or we’re going to be late” I exclaimed as I pushed him off me with my hips. A bad move? Absolutely not. I got to feel all of him against me and remind him of what he gets to come home to every evening, if he choses.

“Wow what's the rush now Mils? Why are you walking around like you’ve got ants in your pants?” He questioned as he tightened his grip on me and turned me so I was facing him, looking up into his curious baby blues.

“And don’t say nothing, I’ve picked up on all of your tells already” He further questioned as he could see the wheels begin to turn behind my eyes, desperate to come up with an excuse to mask my jitters so I wouldn’t have to tell him the truth.

“I regret ever letting you become friends with Fede, he’s spilling all of my secrets...Ok fine. I’m nervous to see Jack. I haven’t seen him since...ya’know and I haven't spoken to him since I gave him a telling off before international break and Ben I promise you I haven't thought about him once but I’m still worried that there's unresolved anger there from him and I don’t want to get into it again just when we’re getting back into the groove of us and it’ll impact your friendsh-” my rambling was cut off by his lips, which were simultaneously reminding me to breathe between my words and leaving me breathless at the same time. He always did have a way with his lips, the power they held over me was unmatched by anything.

“Calm down love, I promise it’ll be okay. Jack and I have had it out already, a long chat on international duties which may have only been prompted because Mase and Dec locked us in the kit room after our first session, sorted it all out.” Ben reassured me as he began to rub his thumbs over my cheeks and his hands held both sides of my face.

“I do know he wants to apologise to you though - so don’t be surprised if he tries to do that early on in the evening. You know just how awkward he can be so he’ll probably spring it on you before you’ve even put your bag down.”

“Oh great, I’m gonna need to do a couple shots before we leave the house - you’re good to drive right?” I said as I walked from his grasp and down the stairs to grab the bottle of vodka for some good old fashioned dutch courage.

______________________________________________________________

Ben was right about Jack, he had approached the couple only moments after they had arrived at Azpi’s house. Amelia had spotted him making his way towards them so she began to walk in a different direction to Ben, stretching their interlocked hands and letting him go as she mumbled something about needing to put her bag down. Ben really knew both of them too well. Jack gave Ben a hug hello, still in the grovelling stage of repairing their friendship.

“Hey bro, how’s it goin?” Jack spoke as he pulled away from Ben.

“Yeah bro all’s good with me, how are you? Congrats on the move again, million dollar geez you are, aren’t ya? Don’t forget me when you're mingling with Messi in a couple years” Ben joked back with the boy who has been literally a brother to him for the last few years.

“Ahhh you’re jokin me, could never forget a brother could I? We’re basically blood at this point I reckon. Where’d Mils run off ta?” Jack questioned with his arm around Ben’s neck, both of the boys looking out into the garden for the girl in question.

“Right here super Jack” Amelia spoke from behind them. During their brief discussion, Amelia had put her bag down and ran inside to grab herself a drink before walking out to face the music of Jack’s apology. Overhearing how lighthearted he was with Ben, coupled with the reassurance that Ben had provided her earlier in the evening plus the two or three vodka shots she had downed in their kitchen before coming to the afterparty had meant that she left her worries at the door.

“Mils, darlin', you already know what's coming but I truly am sorry...to both of ya ya’know. Benny, we’ve already had it out and it took me ages to get over that black eye but please believe me when I tell ya I am so sorry for treating you that way Amelia. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry and I regret nothing more than how I made you feel.” Jack could feel himself getting teary whilst thinking about how he made the girl feel, how he made his best mate and chosen brother feel, how he really put a spanner in the works of their blossoming relationship.

“Jack, I’m not going to say it was ok because it wasn't. But it wasn’t just your fault, I also played a part in it that has me cursing myself every day for ruining things with Benj. I forgive you, Jacky.” Amelia spoke while reaching up and wrapping her arms around Jack’s neck to give him one of her signature squeezy hugs, to truly convey that she was moving on from their tumultuous past and hoped that he could stop beating himself up over it and do the same.

Jack had left the couple to return to the table and grab himself a refill of his drink. Ben’s arm had found its natural position around Amelia’s shoulders as they both stood there looking out at their friends. However, Ben was looking down at Amelia. Without missing a beat and keeping her eyes focused out on the yard, Amelia spoke only loud enough for Ben to hear.

“So, you gave Jack a black eye over me huh? That’s hot”

Amelia took a few steps forward before turning to look at the expression on Ben’s face as she continued to walk away from him, backwards. The slight shock turned into a full on smirk as he walked towards her eager to close the gap between them with a kiss. He knew she loved him with her whole heart, but he hoped that she would understand just how much he loved her right back.

The Proposal | la proposta

[kedreeva]

My Pets Main Post

Someone requested a list of my pets with their tags, and it seemed like something that might be useful, so I’m gonna give it a go. I’m putting it behind a cut, though, since it may get long.

If you are looking for previous pets, that post is located here.

I’ll start with the peafowl, since I think most people that come for the pets are here for them. I’ll try to do them in age-order, and separate the ones I currently have with the ones I used to have that may be deceased or sold.

I will cite their tag as “/tagname” so you can find them by searching that phrase (without the /) on my blog OR typing in “kedreeva.tumblr.com/tagged/tagname” to a browser.

Current Peafowl

Aurora - Aurora is a blue pied split white eye peahen, and she is Aris’ mother. She was born in 2009 and I acquired her as a 3 month old chick. She is the oldest bird at Longfeather Lane. She is cranky, but outgoing, and will come take treats from anyone’s hands as long as the treats meet her standards. She hatched 1 pied peachick in 2020, and took in 4 more than she should have hatched (she got off the nest early) the next day after Starburst hatched them for her. Her tag is /Aurora.

Indigo ("Indie")/Poppa P- Indie is a purple blackshoulder spalding. He was hatched from a friend's birds we think in 2012, before my friend passed away. He made trip to several homes before ending up with some other friends of mine in North Carolina. This year (2022), he is visiting Longfeather Lane for stud services. His tag is /indie or /poppa+p.

Eclipse - Eclipse is a purple silver pied peahen. She was hatched in spring of 2015, and I acquired her as 3-4 month old chick. She is the most reclusive of my hens, and will not come close enough to take treats. Her tag is /Eclipse.

Aris - Aris is a blue pied white-eye peahen. She was hatched here in 2017 by Joslin, but is Aurora’s daughter by blood. Her father was Blu. Her brother is Gadget, and her sister is Ellis. She is the lowest of the pecking order in her pen, but the most outgoing of them toward me. She also has absolutely beautiful bone structure and conformation in general. She hatched 3 chicks in 2020, and adopted 2 more to raise with them. Her tag is /Aris.

Stan Lee - Stan Lee is a cameo blackshoulder white eye dark pied peacock. He was brought here for rescue and rehab in July of 2017. We fixed both of his feet, one of his foot’s joints, and his splayed legs. When we later took him to the vet, we discovered one of his wing joints does not connect appropriately to bear weight during flight, meaning he cannot fly. We also found via xray that his ribs are fused, which prevents him from taking a deep breath. He also has visual-processing issues which make it difficult for him to eat small individual objects, as well as perform normal social interaction for a peafowl. As such, he is housed alone with Artemis, who grew up with him and has learned how to handle him. His tag - because he was SUPPOSED to go home before he was no longer a peachick - is /Stan+the+Peachick.

Artemis P. Fowl - Artemis is a purple blackshoulder pied peahen. Her father is Orion. She was hatched here in August 2017 and raised indoors because she was a late hatch. Artemis has severe allergies to several things in normal fowl food, and is the reason I switched everyone over to a much pricier chow. She lives alone with Stan partially because she is the only one who can stand his quirks, and partially because we have to be careful what treats she gets. Artemis is also a painter! Her tag is /Artemis

Arcana - Arcana is a purple blackshoulder pied peahen. I purchased her in Sept. 2019 from Spring Creek Peafowl in Kansas. I drove 15 hours each way to pick her up. She was wing banded when we got her, but I had the vet remove the bands. My hope is to put her under Io for now, and under Lazuli after that. Her tag is /Arcana.

Corona is a purple peahen, possibly split BS, and split to one leucistic gene. She was hatched in 2020, daughter of Aris and Orion. Granddaughter to Blue and Aurora. Sister to Callisto, Stella, and Polaris. Her favorite activity is to jump up High and Yell about it.

Eris is a purple split blackshoulder peahen hatched in may 2020 out of Poppa P/Indigo. I picked up her and her brother in November of 2020. She is from a bloodline I have wanted basically since I got into peafowl and it’s been hell tracking it down. I have been training her to do button-press speech. Her tag is /Eris.

Opal is a purple split blackshoulder (and split either white or pied) hen I acquired from Irish Springs Peafowl in November of 2021. She is Eris’ full sister, sharing their dad (Poppa P/Indigo) and their mother (Sasha). I chose her out of all the baby hens there because she came right up to me the second I entered the pen and wanted to know what I was doing. She’s got really nice color and type, so I’m looking forward to breeding her. Her tag is /Opal.

Onyx is a purple blackshoulder hen out of Poppa P. I acquired her from Irish Springs Peafowl in November of 2021 as a peachick. Still deciding what to make of her. Her tag is /Onyx.

Polaris is a purple pied blackshoulder, possibly white eye or carrying white eye as well. He is Orion’s son with, I believe, Eclipse. He was hatched in 2021 and raised by Aris (I swapped her eggs for eggs from another pen, to avoid blue chicks). I held him back to replace his father because he is exactly the bird I wanted when I bought Orion. His tag is /Polaris.

Stella is a purple blackshoulder split pied or white, hatched 2021 from Orion’s pen. She is a spitfire with very fine feathers, suggesting that Minor was probably her mother. She is a holdback, to be bred to Poppa P’s line eventually. Her tag is /Stella.

Wendy is a wild type blue hen that came to us in May 2023. I was called to come capture her after she showed up on someone's property. She was approximately 10 months old when I captured her, so likely July 2022 hatch. Hertag is /Wendy

Amber (Bug) is a purple peahen from Indie/Poppa P and either Aurora or Aris, hatched June 4th, 2023. Post hatch, she invited herself into human company by screaming incessantly, despite being housed with plenty of other birds. Her tag is /bug+the+peahen

Current Turkey

Joslin - Joslin is a mixed breed turkey that was hatched July 27th 2012 and hand raised by me. She is still extremely outgoing and will come up to any and all visitors. She is also how we normally get alerted to visitors, as she starts screaming when she sees anyone arrive. She LOVES hatching eggs, and having babies. She hatched out Aris, Ellis, Gadget, and Des in 2017, and three purple dark pied peachicks in 2020. She is often cranky with the other birds, but she’s never actually hurt any of them, which is more than any other turkey I’ve tried to keep can say, and the reason she’s still here. Joslin’s father was a bourbon red and her mother was a royal palm. Interestingly, Joslin is an intersex turkey, which happens to about 1 in 50 hens. She has a beard like a tom, and sometimes struts like a tom, but she is colored like a hen and lays eggs like a hen. Her tag is /Joslin.

Current Chickens

NONE!

Current Cat

Aislynn - Aislynn is a mixed breed shorthair tabby. I adopted her as soon as she was weaned in 2006. Her mother was a Himalayan my friend and I rescued from a severe winter up north after her owner was arrested and his pets left behind with no one. Due to her mother’s circumstances, she had her kittens early and not all of them were fully developed; of the six, only five were fully formed, and Aislynn was the last of those. All of her siblings passed away in the first few years of life, so I feel really lucky to still have her. I’m not sure her brain really developed properly, as she’s not very bright and doesn’t seem to have much of a sense of smell. As long as you don’t move fast, she enjoys being pet a LOT. Her tag is /Aislynn.

Current Rodents

Mice - I am currently breeding seal point siamese show-type mice and starting a line of self-black mice that I hope to turn into show type from feeder mice. All current and previous mice will be listed under one of these tags: /mice, /Siamese+mice, /black+line, /mallowmese, and/or /Genetic+Experiments+with+Mice.

Self Black:

I currently have two tricolor bloodlines I’m working on, though they are vastly different in quality and I’m fighting to even get a few does that are tricolor instead of splash pied. Their tag is /tricolor+line (my original siamese-based tricolor line) or /PA+tricolor+line (for the line acquired from stock from Pennsylvania).

Current Aquatics

Guppy tank - This is a 29g tank which contains several guppies, some dwarf and amano shrimp, plenty of Ramshorn, a couple of nerites, and some trumpet snails. This tank was started in May of 2019.

The tank:

The 55g- We are still in the process of getting this one well-established, but it’s going well. It currently houses ramshorn snails and the Rosies from the pond.

Celadon Coturnix Quail- I started keeping Coturnix quail in 2021, after picking up a couple of dozen celadon eggs. We are currently keeping them as meat and egg birds, and working toward eggs that are more intensely blue while retaining some of the black speckling on the shell. Their tag is /quails or /celadon quails.

Cockroaches - I keep a breeding colony of dubia roaches as treat feeders for my peafowl. They are actually really great pets, they require very little from me, and are fun to watch going about their business. Their tag is /roaches.

Crows - Okay, these aren’t really my PETS, but I feed the local 6-crow murder that lives in and around my yard. Last year two pairs raised their babies in my yard and I started feeding them in the hope of getting them to hang around. They did, and now they chase hawks out of my yard and warn my fowl when there’s a hawk nearby. Their tag is /the+crows

General Pet Tags

The catch-all tag for all of my pet posts is /my+pets. Aquarium tags - /my+tanks, /shrimps, /snails, and /fish should all produce pics from me, but everything except “my tanks” will be mixed with general posts. Posts about peafowl that do not yet have names can be located under the tags /Peafowl, or /Peacocks, or /Peahens, or /Peachicks. Usually unnamed anything that comes in will be under the tag for its species like /chickens or /pigeons or /turkeys or something.

Not always pets, but farm development can be found under /Longfeather+Lane. Documentation of the process of building new bird pens can be found at /pen+building.

[teachingtales]

Long-Term Effects from SARS Virus

I spoke with my brother yesterday. We respect each other and understand that our knowledge is also affected by the greater society. Living in the US, he said it was like being tumbled in a dryer trying to make sense of the sensationalism. It makes him not trust news sources as a result. I totally get that and think that dryer analogy was great. He understands that being away from the US sensationalism, I don’t see it the same way.

Anyway, I told him I’d find him some info about long-term post-SARS effects, from SARS-CoV-1. I told him that while the Covid-19 death rate is higher than the average influenza outbreak, it’s not the death rate we should be worried about; it’s the after-effects. So this is just a copy-paste of what I sent him.

It is 04:19 and I can’t sleep...woke up a while ago...so I looked up some of that SARS stuff I mentioned. I had to sift through different ones because there was some criteria I set based on what you told me...I would only accept articles that were:

- published before 2019

- not published by Chinese government

- not published by the WHO

- not published by the CDC

- not published with specific types of grant/gift monies

I did find out some new things, too! Honestly this was all super interesting and a great way to spend a sleepless morning. Remember when I said that I’m so frustrated that the US has “sensationalized” this because the science is interesting enough?? It was even more interesting than I had known!

So here’s the breakdown:

- of the people studied for post-SARS complications with lung health, around 30% have them. Remember when I said the death rate wasn’t the main concern? Well, dang, I didn’t know that “long-SARS” was practically 1 in 3...damn

- One I didn’t know about: of the people studied for post-SARS complications with mental illness, around 64% have them. The mental illness is due to increased stress hormone during the illness, which “set off” anxiety, depression, and/or PTSD

- Another one I didn’t know about: while some lung improvements could be seen a year after healing from SARS, there were still “exercise problems”. So the exercise you will see on the studies is “6MWD”, which means “6-Minute Walking Distance”. While this improved a bit, even 18 months post-SARS it was far lower than the control group. Why? Well it could be related to...

- ...another problem I didn’t know about, which was how well oxygen diffuses in the body. So even with improved lung function, there are still impairments in how oxygenated one’s blood can be

- Another problem that was interesting to find was Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). I made a group to talk about living with chronic pain, and in 2020 we got this new member. They introduced themselves by saying that they had Covid-19 early on and “it turned into CFS”. I thought that sucked a lot but it was all I had heard of it. I do know that some illnesses do cause CFS, because it happened in a friend I had before. I don’t know if he had SARS specifically, but the timeline was right for it (mid/late 2000s when he had been living with CFS for a few years). So anyway, that came up in one of the studies, too.

Study with the 6MWD and other lung/oxygen issues: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7192220/

Study including mental issues and CFS: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/415378

Just mental issues in relation to stress: https://ravikollimd.com/resources/COVID/070674370705200405.pdf

Study including mental issues and lung issues, studying survivors of SARS and MERS: https://www.medicaljournals.se/jrm/content/abstract/10.2340/16501977-2694

Longest study I found, this was a 12-year follow-up study. Some impairments in lung function still existed, but general quality of life was similar to control groups. Additionally, no cardio-pulmonary disease showed: www.ijcem.com/files/ijcem0074733.pdf

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander | Chapter 18

A/N: Remember that there’s a DOUBLE POST this week because of my birthday that happened yesterday!  Look out for Chapter 19 to be posted Thursday at 7:30pm.  I think you guys will reeeeeally like that one :)

January 24th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was amazed.

The welcome reception that the NHL planned in the hotel was full to the brim of what seemed like every NHL president, general manager, and their assistants mingling and munching on perfectly prepared hors d’oeuvres.  Everybody was staying at the Ritz-Carlton, a fifteen minute drive from the Enterprise Centre where all the hockey-related festivities were taking place.  While the all-stars had already been bussed to the Enterprise Centre, she was here with Brendan and Kyle, trying to assert her presence in a room full of men who thought they were gifts to God’s green earth.  She wondered if any of the other executive assistants – a good 99% male, from her observations – felt the same way.  It was when she was standing in that room that she realized how much of an anomaly she truly was, and if some guy gawked at her because he hadn’t seen a female since October, she wouldn’t be surprised.  Hockey was an old boy’s club, and there was no better proof for that than the makeup of the people in this room.  

Many people came up to speak to Brendan and Kyle – Aberdeen thought they were almost like the star debutantes at the ball, except one debutante already had three Stanley Cup rings; the other debutante was like the belle of the ball, as one of the youngest GMs in the league, and everybody wanted to talk to him.  The only thing they’d do is give Aberdeen a quick nod after they finished their conversation before walking off.  It was like she ceased to exist, or existed only as a figure to nod to once the discussion with the ‘big boys’ was over.  Nobody was giving her the time of day.  She didn’t even know why she had to come here and do this when—

“Aberdeen,” Brendan’s voice cut off her thoughts.  She straightened out her back and looked more attentive as he looked back at her.  “Who do you think will come and speak to us next?  Let’s make a bet.”

She smiled.  She knew that instead of sulking she should be working the room as much as possible, inserting herself politely into conversations Brendan and Kyle would have with some of the other presidents and general managers.  “BriseBois has been eyeing Kyle for five minutes, so twenty bucks and an extra day off says it’s him,” she said confidently.  

Brendan laughed, as did Kyle.  “My bet’s on Ken Holland,” Brendan quipped.  “Here to talk to us about Tyler Ennis.  Everyone knows they want him.  Hometown boy.”

“It’ll be Sakic.  To talk to us about Naz,” Kyle said.

“DUBBIE!”

All three of their heads turned to see Brisebois smiling and making his way over.  Aberdeen smiled.  She leaned into Brendan.  “I’ll take that twenty bucks in a Starbucks gift card.”

***

Aberdeen thought that maybe Frederik Andersen should be the one seemingly babysitting Auston Matthews, but she digressed.  Because he was attending the All-Star Weekend but not actively participating in any of the festivities due to his slight wrist injury, he was free to do (what seemed like) whatever he wanted.  He could visit both locker rooms, he could chat with all the guys, he could take pictures with everyone.  All she had to do was make sure he got to the benches during the Skills Competition and she could consider it a job well done.  

She didn’t want to follow him into the locker room – that was a bit much – so she stood outside and watched as he interacted with Fred and Mitch before moving on to some of the other players: Jack Eichel, Brady Tkachuk, and Mathew Barzal, for the most part.  When he was finished, he looked almost surprised that she was still there waiting for him.

“They’re going on in ten.  Where should we be?” he asked.

“I’m just gonna lead you down quickly, but I’m watching with Brendan,” she informed him as they began to walk down the corridor together.

“Aw, come on.  You can’t keep me company?” he asked.

“There’s no way I’d be caught dead on a camera beside Auston Matthews, thank you very much,” she joked, but at the same time, was totally serious.  If even one hair on her head was caught on camera, she was sure Auston’s fangirls would know her name, address, social security number, and blood type within the hour.  “Let alone at the All-Star Game.  And let alone with you looking like that.”

“Like what?!” he wailed.  

“Oh, come on Auston.  You look like you were a cast off of Anchorman and you know it.”

“I’m fashionable.”

“If you say so,” she rolled her eyes.  

“I thought those types of comments were only meant for Willy, anyway.”

“They’re meant for any of you when you look like this,” she covered herself, giving him a full up-down, causing him to laugh and shake his head.  

They walked past the Western Conference locker room, bustling with all the players and the media walking in and out of it.  Auston stopped again to say hi to some guys that he could see – Tyler Seguin and Connor McDavid ��� before Aberdeen watched another player making his way towards them.

“This your girl, Matthews?” Matthew Tkachuck asked, a devilish smile on his face.

Aberdeen crinkled her brows.  Gross.  “Ew Matty,” she watched Auston as he made a face.  “This is Shanahan’s executive assistant.”

“Oh!” Matthew’s face and demeanour completely changed as he took off his glove to shake her hand politely.  “I’m Matthew Tkachuk from the Calgary Flames.  It’s nice to meet you.”

Aberdeen laughed at how these boys could switch from being rats one second to upstanding gentlemen the next.  “Nice to meet you, Matthew.  How do you know Auston?”

“U.S National Development Program,” Auston answered for him.  “We were on a World Junior team together.”

“Yeah, not to mention I was on a line with Mitchy in London,” Matthew added, referring to his junior career with the London Knights of the OHL.  “It’s like I’m practically on the Leafs,” he smiled.

“You wish,” Auston scowled.  

“You’ll be on the bench watching, yeah?” Matthew directed his question towards Auston.  Auston confirmed he would be.  Matthew’s attention went back to Aberdeen.  He gave her a very visible up-down before biting his bottom lip.  “How about you?  You gonna be on the bench with Auston?”

“I’ll be sitting with my boss, but thanks for thinking about me,” she smiled over-politely.  She heard Matthew chuckle but he still didn’t take his eyes off her.  “We should go, Auston.  I don’t want Gary Bettman angry at me for keeping the star of Toronto backstage for too long.”

Matthew said his goodbyes.  Aberdeen and Auston continued walking down and around the corridors until they came to the entrance to the ice.  Some of the arena workers, recognizing Auston, began showing him the way.  “Now stay here and be good,” she said.

Auston smiled mischievously before winking and walking away from her.  “Only for you, Aberdeen.”

“And tell Matthew Tkachuk if he even thinks of me, I’ll kick him in the balls.”

“Will do, baby.”

***

She saw the number pop up on her phone and the request for a FaceTime call.  She hesitated at first, not knowing if she should accept.  Sure, she was alone in her hotel room, it was late at night, and she was sure everybody had gone to bed, especially Brendan and Kyle.  Nobody would be knocking on her door.  Nobody would be calling her asking her to get a suitcase ready so they could take a private jet to Phoenix to fire a head coach.  And even though her first thought was that this had to be some sort of practical joke, she quickly reconsidered.  The last time this was requested it was in the back of a cab and an automatic no.

Not for anything, but less than 24 hours ago he was in her.

So she accepted.  

William’s face popped up on the screen.  He was clearly already in his pajamas, his hair tied back with an elastic atop his head.  Aberdeen remembered that Toronto was an hour ahead, so it was even later for him.  “Hello minskatt,” he smiled.

She’d just showered, and her hair was in a towel.  She tugged it off so she didn’t look too ridiculous.  “Hey Willy.”

“How are you, minskatt?” he asked sweetly, biting his bottom lip slightly as he watched her hair fall out of the towel.  “How was today?  Long day?”

She nodded her head.  “Long but good.  I met a lot of the other GMs.  Well, most of them just sort of nodded their head at me after having conversations with Brendan and Kyle before moving on.  It’s like they don’t know how to speak to women.”

“They probably don’t,” he quipped.  “Did Auston behave?”

She smiled.  “Yes, Auston behaved.”

“So I don’t need to kick his ass?”

Aberdeen giggled.  “No.  You’d never, anyway.  He’s one of your best friends.”

“I’d still kick his ass if he gave you a hard time.”

She continued to smile.  “How was your day?  What did you do?”

“Miss you all day,” he said.

She rolled her eyes.  She did that a lot today between him and Auston.  “What did you really do?”

He shrugged.  “Went to the gym.  Talked with my brother.  Just the usual boring stuff.  Nothing as exciting as what you did.”

“Nothing I did was too exciting,” she admitted.  She hated to admit it, but it was true.  “I don’t mean to be rude when I say that.  It’s just – I could have networked, I really could, I mean I know how to work a room, but these guys just weren’t having it.  Well, everyone besides Julien BriseBois from Tampa.  He was super nice.”

“It’s okay, minskatt.  I’m sure tomorrow will be better,” he said encouragingly.  “There’s a luncheon, right?”

She nodded her head, a bit surprised that he remembered her schedule.  She hoped that would run smoother than what had happened today at the welcome reception.  But now, at this moment, with Willy on FaceTime and two more days until she got to see him in Nashville, she didn’t want to talk about work.  She’d only left him this morning and she was already missing him.  “Hey Willy?”

“Hmm?”

“I…I’ve never really asked, but why do you always call me that?  Minskatt?” she asked.

“Because that’s what you are,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  

She knew that it meant ‘my treasure’.  She remembered that quite vividly.  “Yeah, but like…why my treasure?  Why not just darling or honey or whatever?”

“Do you want me to call you those?” he asked worriedly.

“No!  Not at all.  I…I like minskatt.  I love it, actually,” she admitted for the first time out loud.  After months of blushing about it and hearing him say it in her dreams, she was finally able to admit it.  “I just don’t know why you’d choose that over the hundreds of other things.”

William shrugged his shoulders again.  “I just heard it a lot growing up from my grandparents.  My grandpa would call my grandma that all the time.  When I was really small, I thought it was her actual name.  And I just…I don’t know.  I think it’s the nicest thing.  Because you’re my treasure.  That what you are to me, always.  From the moment I met you.  You’re my treasure.”

Aberdeen smiled sheepishly.  God, he was so…good.  So pure.  So characteristically William that she honestly didn’t have another word for it.  “For what it’s worth, you’re my treasure too, Willy.”

***

January 25th, 2020

Aberdeen decided to get breakfast on her own, without waiting for Brendan to call.  She’d fallen asleep talking to William last night – they both had, gag – but she still felt pretty energized and ready for the day.  She threw her hair in a bun, knowing it would be easier to style when she got back from breakfast for the luncheon, and put on a simple pair of yoga tights and a University of Toronto hoodie.  

She figured that most of the guys were either still asleep or would have ordered room service, and she was pleased to see that the dining room for the continental breakfast was basically two-thirds empty.  She grabbed a plate and loaded it with scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, and hashbrowns.  She then poured herself some coffee and orange juice and settled into a table, taking out her phone so she could browse the news or read an article while she ate.  

She was in a completely tranquil state of mind until she heard a voice from behind her.  “Hey!”

It startled her.  She turned around to see Mitch standing behind her, holding a plate stacked with food.  “What are you doing up so early?”

“Same thing as you – eating!” he smiled.  He looked behind him.  “Hey guys!  Aberdeen’s here!”

She leaned back to look past him and saw Fred’s giant body towering over the egg buffet and Auston looking like he literally just rolled out of bed pouring some cereal into a bowl.  Fred smiled and Auston waved.  She looked back at Mitch.  “You’re all up?”

“You seem shocked,” he said as she settled into the seat across from her.

“I’m not shocked about you, because you’re just an excitable puppy,” she said.  “I’m more surprised about Auston.  Does he usually get up this early?”

“You’d be surprised,” Mitch shrugged.  “When we’re on the hockey grind, early wake up calls are just a part of life.”

Fred and Auston came to the table eventually, with Fred sitting beside Aberdeen and Auston beside Mitch.  They spoke casually – about the events of last night and the upcoming day ahead of them, what they would do with their day off tomorrow before having the fly to Nashville on Monday to meet the rest of the team.  Auston suggested that they all go to the big arch.  Mitch wanted to have lunch at a smokehouse.  Fred wanted would arrange the Ubers.  

They looked at Aberdeen.  It was a while before she noticed.  “What?” she asked with a mouth full of breakfast sausage.

“What do you want to do Sunday?” Mitch asked like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  

She was confused.  “I’m coming?”

“Obviously,” Auston piped up.

“Why would you think you’re not invited?” Fred asked.  “You’ve been with us for how long now?”

“I just…I don’t know,” she digressed.  “I know I’m, like, part of the team or whatever—”

“So why wouldn’t you come?” Fred followed up.

“I—you guys constantly freak me out, you know that?” she asked.  “Like, I don’t get why a bunch of hot shot hockey players want me to tag along with them on their day off.”

“Why wouldn’t you think that?  Willy likes you tagging along everywhere,” Auston said.

Aberdeen suddenly stiffened at Auston’s words, thrown around so casually, but they were so charged for her.  “So does Jason,” Mitch added quickly.  “And Brendan, even.  I mean, Brendan wouldn’t have invited you here if he didn’t trust you with us, or you with us, you know?  I mean, the All-Star Game is Peter’s thing.”

She’d heard that once or twice before.  “It’s just it’s still new to me, that’s all,” she said, trying to remain calm.  “I don’t want to intrude on your private time.  I’m already around you guys practically all the time as it is.  I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“Not sure that’s possible,” Mitch said.  “You’re always welcome with us.  We love you, Aberdeen.”

***

When Aberdeen went back up to her room after breakfast, she took a long look at herself in the mirror.  Long.  She knew she was loved by many people: by her parents, her grandparents, her siblings, by Kasha, by friends like Masani and Tom and Margot.  By Brendan, at least in his own way.  By William.  She was loved by William.  

Could she add the Toronto Maple Leafs to that list?

***

February 5th, 2020

New York City in the beginning of February was much different than, say, New York City in the summer, even New York City at Christmas.  With nothing to really look forward to – no holiday or event, no long stretch of time where the city swelled with tourists and it felt so alive – New York City was just…well, New York City.  Big.  Imposing.  Busy.  

Brendan had lived here for a few years, both as a player and an NHL executive, and he’d gone out for an extended lunch with a friend, so Aberdeen had nothing better to do than to walk down to Magnolia bakery and grab a half dozen cupcakes to eat and then bring home to share with Kasha – two red velvet with cream cheese icing, one confetti, one lemon, one coconut, and one truffle.  It was her way of saying thanks, because Kasha had been picking up donuts from Bloomers or Glory Hole at least once a month since they moved in together.  The perks of flying on a chartered flight was that she knew the cupcakes would be safe all the way back to Toronto.  

When she got back to the arena, she made sure the box of cupcakes was placed in the box where she’d be with Brendan and Kyle that night, knowing that nobody would touch it. It was when she exited the press box and began making her way through the corridors between the locker rooms that she saw someone she was not expecting at all: Saylor, Kasperi’s girlfriend.  She looked very glamourous, with her hair and makeup done professionally.  

When she looked up from her phone – which she didn’t do often – and saw Aberdeen, she smiled excitedly.  “Ohmygod, hi Aberdeen!” she greeted her enthusiastically.  

“Hi, Saylor.  You traveled to New York with Kasperi?” she asked, trying to make small talk.

“I actually had a shoot booked, but I scheduled it so I could come to New York the same time as the guys came,” she revealed, clearly proud she was able to get the gig.  “You know, because I model.”

Aberdeen resisted the urge to roll her eyes.  Saylor reminded her every time they spoke about her modelling.  Well, Instagram modelling.  Aberdeen didn’t think she’d ever walked a runway or appeared in an editorial.  It was mostly just the aforementioned Instagram modelling with a YouTube channel where brands would send her clothes or “collab” with her for exposure.  “Yeah, I remember Saylor.  Sounds fun.”

“It is!” she smiled excitedly.  “I’ve been super lucky so far.  But I mean hey, with a bit of makeup and good angles, lots of girls could be models.”

“I’m sure,” Aberdeen giggled.  “Wouldn’t be me though.  Not with these bushy Persian brows,” she joked, knowing full well thick brows were very in right now and that a lot of girls got them dyed or microbladed to look like hers.

“Persian?” Saylor was confused.

“Yeah.  My dad’s Persian.”

“Ohmigosh, I knew you were mixed with something!  Your nose totally gives it away.”

Aberdeen froze, though a strained smile was on her face.  She knew she had a Greek nose, that it was pretty big with a prominent bridge, not elegant at all like Siena’s, but she didn’t think it was that big of a deal.  She didn’t know what Saylor was trying to say or imply, but she tried to play along anyway.  “I thought it’d be my hair.”

“Well, that too.”

Aberdeen nodded her head.  Before she could say anything else, Saylor’s phone began ringing.  “It’s my agency,” she said as she looked down at her phone.  “I’ll talk to you later.”

“See ya.”

Aberdeen watched as Saylor left, her hips swaying back and forth in her skin tight Levis.  She brought her hand up to her face, feeling the bridge of her nose before patting down her hair.  She sighed.  At least Saylor didn’t see the Magnolia cupcake box – she probably would have made a comment about that, too.

Aberdeen thought back to New Year’s Eve, when Morgan and John sat at her table and told her the story about Bee; about how she’d gotten messages from fans making fun of her weight and looks and how they’d called her the team cum bucket.  Aberdeen shivered.  She didn’t understand how people could have such vitriol in their heart for another person they hadn’t even met.  And having it be directed towards Bee McTavish of all people.  Those were targeted attacks, mostly because they were jealous of who Bee was dating (as they should, because Morgan was a great guy).  But Aberdeen wondered if Bee ever got those types of comments from people she knew – other wives or girlfriends who maybe couldn’t hold their tongue or thought that looks were the be all, end all of someone’s worth.  

Aberdeen knew better than to think that way.  She knew it was all bullshit.  How you presented yourself to the world was one thing – with your clothes, your hair, your makeup – and it was somewhat an extension of you, but it wasn’t who you were as a person.  Like, Aberdeen always liked to look fashionable and presentable at work, because she knew she was in a highly professional environment and on any given day she’d shake hands and speak with a billionaire, but her clothes didn’t define her.  Her personality defined her.  Her work ethic defined her.  Her respect for her job, her bosses, and her colleagues defined her.  Her ambitions defined her more than her clothes ever would, than her clothes ever could.  She knew Saylor didn’t mean any harm, that it probably wasn’t said maliciously at all, that it was only said because she didn’t know any better and nobody in her privileged life had called her out on her language that bordered on offensive.  Aberdeen wasn’t going to hold it against her unless it kept happening and it did get offensive.  

But she highly doubted that.  

***

The Leafs lost to the New York Rangers 5-3.

William had knocked on her room door.

She let him in.  

He kissed her the second the door closed and she felt overwhelmed by the feeling of his lips on hers, like she always did, really.  They hadn’t been able to connect in Nashville or Dallas after the All-Star Game because her room was right beside Brendan’s, so they had to wait until the night they got back to Toronto.  The Leafs weren’t doing particularly well lately, but nobody would be able to tell by the way William was acting.  He brushed off the losses fairly easily, not liking to dwell on them too much.  

“You okay after tonight?” she asked.

“It’s fine, minskatt,” he said as he kissed the tip of her nose.  “Better now.”

She smiled slightly.  She highly doubted that she made the situation better, but she’d take it.  “Come to the washroom with me.  I have to wash my face.”

“That’s sexy.”

She smacked his arm.  He just gripped onto her hips tighter.  “I can ask you to leave.”

“You’d have to make me at this point, and I’m a strong boy,” he raised his eyebrows.  

She scoffed, dragging him into the washroom with her as she took off her makeup and cleansed her face.  William leaned his body against the wall behind her, so she was able to see him and look at him through the mirror.  He was so patient, and literally just watched her as she went about her nightly routine.  He didn’t say a peep, didn’t complain, didn’t rush her.  He just watched her with a look in his eye that told her, fascinatingly, that he was enjoying just watching her, like he was captivated by her simplest movements.  

She pat her face dry, looking at him through the mirror.  “Can I ask you something?” she asked.  It was so quiet she could practically hear the electric current going through the lightbulb.  

“Of course, minskatt.”

She was hesitant, mostly because she didn’t really know if William knew anything about it, but also because she should probably be asking Morgan.  She set the towel down on the counter.  “Do you know what happened with Bee last year?”

William didn’t look too bothered by the question.  “You mean when her mom passed away?” he asked.

“No,” she shook her head.  “The…the other thing.”

“Oh, that,” William nodded his head.  “Yeah, I know what happened.”

“Morgan said it was someone who knew Kasperi’s ex.”

“It was.  Her name was Cassie.  Kasperi’s ex, I mean,” he clarified as he stepped closer towards her.  “The girl who actually approached Bee in the restaurant was named Danielle.”

“Had you ever met them before?” she asked.

“Cassie, of course.  Danielle, no,” he said.  “Why?”

“Does Kasperi exclusively date models?”

“Basically,” he giggled slightly.  “Why, minskatt?”

“It’s nothing,” she shook her head.  “I just—I saw Saylor earlier tonight, and she mentioned how she was in New York City for a photoshoot with a brand or something.”

“She’s one of those Instagram models,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and nestling his head into the crook of her neck.  He placed light kisses on her skin that made her feel temporarily drunk.  “You should be a model,” he mumbled against her skin.

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Aberdeen replied sarcastically, though the feeling of his lips still on her skin made her brain mush.  

“Oh come on.  You’d be a great model.  My model,” he continued with his compliments and with his kissing.

“Not with this nose,” Aberdeen quipped.  “At least that’s what Saylor said.”

William stopped his movements.  It was quiet again.  She continued to watch him through the mirror as he looked at her, speechless.  It shouldn’t have come out like that.  She didn’t plan for it to come out like that.  But like most things to do with William, nothing ever went according to plan.  Ignoring him certainly didn’t go to plan – look where they were with that.  “Excuse me?” he asked, finally.  “What did she say to you?”

“It’s honestly not even a big deal,” Aberdeen said, trying to sound as confident as possible.  “She found out I was half-Persian and was like ‘Oh your nose totally gives it away’,” she mimicked Saylor’s voice.  “Then when I mentioned as a joke that I thought it would have been my hair that gave it away, she was like, ‘That too’, like it was so obvious.”

William looked angry – a confused angry, like he couldn’t believe something like that was said to her by someone so close to one of his best friends, but at the same time, could totally see it being said by her in particular.  Nobody else had commented on it when they found out – at least nobody on the team had – but of course Saylor did.  “Minskatt—”

“Please don’t make this a big deal,” she interrupted him, seeing the look in his eyes.  “It’s not the first time someone has said something like that to me and it’s definitely not going to be the last.”

If she didn’t want him to make a big deal out of it, he wouldn’t.  That didn’t mean that he wasn’t still angry about it, though.  And it didn’t mean he’d look at Saylor differently now for what she said.  “But minskatt…you know I think you’re beautiful, right?” he asked softly.  

Aberdeen nodded her head.  “I do,” she said confidently.  “I know you do.  But, like – and no offence – but I think I’m beautiful.  And – again, no offence – that’s more important than you thinking it.  I have enough confidence in my appearance to not let it affect me.  That’s why it doesn’t matter what she said.”

William smiled at her.  Proudly.  “No offence taken,” he said, biting his lip.  “That’s all that matters.  Still makes me want to talk to her though.”

Aberdeen whipped around so she could face him.  “Don’t you dare,” she warned.

William’s smile turned from prideful to facetious.  “Gotcha.”

Aberdeen scrunched her face at him, but he didn’t care.  He dipped down and kissed her again, refusing to stop even as he picked her up in his arms and placed her on the vanity.  He stood in between her thighs as he kissed her and kissed her and kissed her, not wanting to ever stop.  “You know I think you’re pretty great, right?” he mumbled against her lips.

Aberdeen stopped, their faces only inches apart as she stared at him, smiling slightly.  She brought her hand up and let her thumb caress his bottom lip, the slightest bit swollen from all their kissing.  His eyes were so, so blue as she looked into them.  Sometimes she didn’t think he was real.  “I think you’re pretty great, too.”

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Thank You, Supernatural

Supernatural, a show of 15 years is ending today. 10th September, 2020 - I guess my birthday became a little more memorable.

I started watching this show five years back - I joined the fandom a little late but they welcomed me with open arms. Spn was on its 11th season, I was surfing through the tv channels, and I came across this certain episode (The Chitters) and I was instantly intrigued by it. Started searching about the show and I fell in love with it, with Dean, with Sam, with Cas, with the cast and crew.

Being an Indian SPN fan, it's tough. We don't have conventions and the cast hardly ever acknowledges us, it doesn't have a huge fanbase like the US but I never felt like an outcast. Such was the magic of the fandom. (And now I have recruited three of my friends in the fandom)

Supernatural also helped me discover an aspect of me that I never thought I had - a writer side. I love how the fandom is supportive no matter what.

As an old, wise man once said, "Family don't end with blood", and the show lived up to that reputation. The extended family on twitter and tumblr adopted me. @angelicthreads , I love you girl and I don't think if it wasn't for the show (and a post by @dean-winchesters-bacon - yes, we started talking under one of your posts and that's how our friendship started) we would have ever met. I am lucky to call you my friend! I was introduced to some amazing ladies on here, got to know some amazing writers (fanfic is my life - thank you guys) - all thanks to supernatural - @flamencodiva @miss-nerd95 @herfalsegod @deanwanddamons @whatareyousearchingfordean @jawritter @holylulusworld @roonyxx @supernatural-jackles @winchest09 @smol-and-grumpy @deanmonandnegansbitch @jensengirl83 and many more.

Now a few last words about the incredible cast and crew without whom the show wouldn't have been made. Words can't describe how incredibly grateful I am to Eric Kripke, the man who started it all. Jensen and Jared, the two boys from Texas who put so much into this show to make it so beautiful. They found friendships, family, brothers just like we found our role models. Misha Collins - he is a literal angel and the world is grateful to have a person like him. Alex Calvert - joined the family late but we're grateful to have him with us. The amazing thing about this cast and crew is that they treat us, the fans, almost as if we are one of them (which cast has a shared inside joke with the whole fandom? Influence and process, I'm looking at you). Mark S, Ruth, Rob, Richard, Osric, Felicia, JDM ( and some more people) - they all deserve a thank you! (And thank you Jake Abel for making the last 14 days interesting)

Supernatural did not have a life changing effect on me but it did effect my life. And now as they bring down that sledgehammer down the set piece, disintegrate the bunker set (literally our second home), as Jensen ships off Baby to Texas, I am grateful and amazed to see the legacy the show is leaving behind. The last "cut" will ring through the set today, as Jensen and Jared hang up those Winchester boots for the last time, I don't know how the finale will be (I don't trust Andrew Dabb at all), maybe we will shed a few tears, maybe we will be a little angry (if the finale is worse than GoT one).

Thank you, Supernatural for such an amazing ride!

We all are a little emotional today because 'No doubt--endings are hard. But then again... nothing ever really ends, does it?'

[mersuperwholocked-lowlife]

Tell Him I Love Him

Word Count: 1,559

Characters:Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, some random demon, Reader, Jack (mentioned), Castiel (mentioned), Lucifer (brief)

Pairings: Sam Winchester x Platonic!Reader; Dean Winchester x Platonic!Reader

Warnings: angst

A/N: uhm, hi

Masterlist

You groaned, fluttering your eyes open. You pushed your head up, looking around. You were tied to some chair, and you were in a room, with shelves of books.

You didn't remember what happened, you remember someone broke into your house.

“Oh, good, she’s awake,” you heard a voice say.

You looked around, trying to find the body which the voice belonged to.

“W-Who are you?” you asked.

Two men walked to you, coming out of the shadows.

You immediately tensed up.

“Where’s Abaddon?” Sam asked.

“W-Who’s Abaddon? Whoever you are, please, I’ll give you whatever you want. Just don’t hurt me,” you said shakily.

“Cut the crap. Where’s Abaddon? We know you serve here,” Dean said.

“I don't know who Abaddon is. Please, just let me go,” you said.

Your heart was racing, you were scared.

“We're not playing! Tell us where she is!” Dean yelled at you, grabbing your chair harshly.

“I-I don't know,” you cried.

He looked back to Sam, as he handed him a pitcher filled with water.

“W-What is that?” you asked nervously, trying to back away from him.

“Oh, you know what it is,” Dean replied, rolling his eyes.

“P-Please! I-I don't! Please, don't hurt me! M-My family will come looking for me, they’ll pay whatever you want if they’re alive! Just please don't throw that acid on me!” you cried, begging them.

Before he poured it on you, Sam stopped him, whispering something to him.

Dean dumped it on you, as you jumped, closing your eyes, but nothing happened.

Tears fell from your face, as they looked at you, confused.

“What do you mean if they’re alive?” Dean asked.

“I-I don’t…. you broke into my house! I don't know i-if you hurt them, o-or….” you stuttered.

“Shit!” Sam exclaimed.

“Wait. You’re not a demon?” Dean asked.

“N-No. Demons aren't real,” you sobbed.

“Oh god. I’m so sorry!” he yelled, quickly untying you.

You backed away from them as they put their hands up.

“We're sorry. This was a misunderstanding,” Sam said.

“You kidnapped me,” you said shakily.

“We thought you were someone else,” he said.

“Y-You broke into my house,” you said.

“No, we didn't. Someone else did. God, we’re so sorry. We’ll take you home. I’m Sam, this is my brother Dean,” Sam said, motioning between the two of them.

You stood quietly, looking at them.

“What’s your name?” Dean asked.

“(Y/N),” you replied softly.

“Okay, (Y/N). We’ll take you home,” Dean nodded.

You hesitated. They were still two strangers that kidnapped you, but they thought you were a demon? They must've been crazy.

You slowly nodded your head, agreeing.

----

You got out of the Impala, with Sam and Dean.

“We’re sorry, again,” Sam apologized.

“It's okay. But you guys….. maybe you should stay for a minute. Uhm, my mom’s a neurologist. She can give you an MRI,” you suggested.

Dean looked confused, while Sam laughed softly.

“Uhm, her mom’s a brain doctor, and she wants us to get a brain scan,” Sam explained to Dean.

“Oh… no, we’re not crazy,” Dean said.

“Uhm, okay,” you took a deep breath, as you opened your front door.

“Do you mind if we come in for a minute?” Sam asked, motioning something to Dean.

“Y-Yeah, sure,” you replied, as they walked in.

“Mom?” you called.

“Oh, baby! I was so worried!” your mom exclaimed, running to you.

“I’m okay,” she hugged you tightly, you felt her jump a bit, as she saw Sam and Dean.

“Oh, Mom, this is Sam and Dean,” you explained.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am,” Sam smiled, shaking your mom’s hand.

You heard Dean mutter something quietly, as your mom flinched.

“Mom? Are you okay?” you asked.

“That’s not your mom!” Sam exclaimed, trying to pull you away as your mom grabbed you.

“Sweetie, tell these two strange men to leave,” your mom said, sounding different.

“Uh,” you started.

“Look! Look at her eyes!” Dean threw holy water on her.

She screamed out in pain, as her eyes turned black.

“M-Mom,” you stuttered.

She wrapped an arm around your neck, pulling you with her.

“I gotta say, I thought you Winchesters were smarter,” your mom smirked.

“Mom, what are you doing? L-Let go of me,” you said shakily.

“ Let the kid go,” Dean said.

“Drop the holy water and the gun,” your mom said.

“Mom, stop,” you said.

“Shut up, idiot!” your mom yelled at you.

Your eyes watered.

She pulled you with her, holding a knife to your stomach.

“M-Mom, don’t… please,” you cried.

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas,” Sam started.

You heard your mom groan in pain, holding onto you tighter.

“omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo, omnis legio diabolica, adiuramus te... cessa decipere humanas creaturas,” Sam continued.

You heard her scream, as black smoke came out of her mouth. 

----

You paced around your house, thinking to yourself, trying to normalize the situation.

“No demon can enter your house now. Are you okay?” Dean asked you.

“No. My mom j-just died, a-and demons are real, a-and….” you started hyperventilating.

“Okay, kid, just take a breath and calm down,” Dean put his hand on your shoulder.

“I’ll feel better once you explain everything to me,” you crossed your arms.

“There’s no easy way to say this, but yes, demons are real. So are werewolves and vampires, the whole nine,” Dean began to explain, only making you worry more.

“But, there are people out there like me and Dean who fight them and kill them. We’re called hunters,” Sam cut him off.

“How do you become a hunter?” you asked.

“Well, sometimes, things happen to people’s families, or someone they care about. A demon killed our mother when we were younger,” Sam explained.

“I want to hunt,” you said.

“What? Okay, kid, no,” Dean said, giving you a look.

“Why not? I sure as hell am not going back to my old life,” you crossed your arms.

“It’s not safe,” Dean said.

“Then I’ll learn. Or you two can teach me,” you said.

“Why would we do that?” Dean asked.

“You owe me for kidnapping me,” you shrugged.

“We saved your life,” Dean said.

“Who said I wanted you to?” you clenched your jaw.

They both went silent for a minute before Dean spoke.

“It’s not gonna be easy. You’ll have to train hard, every day. Say goodbye to everything and everyone you know, you’ll never see them again. Once you come with us, there’s no turning back,” Dean said.

“I know. I want to do this,” you nodded your head.

Dean gave Sam a look before they both agreed.

“Wheels up in 15. Be ready,”

----

“(Y/N) this isn't some demon, or some werewolf or whatever, it’s Michael. A powerful archangel from another world. We can't kill him,” Dean exclaimed.

“And? I’m still gonna fight, Dean. You’re not stopping me,” you crossed your arms.

“What if you get hurt?” he crossed his arms.

“Then I get hurt! You’re fighting, Sam’s fighting, Cas is fighting! A literal one-year-old is fighting! Don’t tell me I can't fight!” you yelled at Dean.

“I don't care. If you get hurt, you’re gone,” Dean yelled back.

“I’m fighting, whether you like it or not!” you yelled.

Dean quickly put a handcuff on your left arm, pulling you to your room.

“Dean! What the hell, stop!” you yelled.

“No. I'm not letting you get hurt,” he yelled, handcuffing you to your bedpost.

“Dean! I hate you!” you yelled at him.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he sighed.

He started leaving your room before he paused.

“It’s because I care about you, (Y/N),” he said softly.

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes.

He paused before walking out of your room, closing the door behind him.

----

You broke away from the handcuffs, Dean should’ve made sure you didn't have a bobby pin on you.

“Sammy!” you heard Dean yell.

You ran to the war room, seeing Sam, Jack, and Lucifer glow, about to disappear.

“Stop!” you yelled, running and grabbing onto Sam.

“(Y/N) no!” Dean yelled.

----

You felt Lucifer's blade go through your stomach, as you fell to the ground. At least you saved Jack.

“(Y/N)! No, hold on!” Sam yelled, running to you.

“I-It’s okay, Sammy,” you said, as a tear fell from your eye.

“No, it’s not. Please don’t die on us, (Y/N),” he cried, holding you in his arms.

“I love you guys,” you smiled.

“We love you too,” he said, trying to help you.

You paused, realizing the last thing you said to Dean. You didn't mean it. You were just mad.

“ Dean! I-I said I hated him,” you cried.

“I-It’s okay, he knows you were mad,” Sam said.

“N-No. T-The last thing I said to him, w-was that I hate him,” your voice wavered.

“Tell him I love him,” you cried.

“You’ll tell him yourself. Come on, (Y/N), not like this,” Sam’s voice wavered.

You limped to look for Dean, as your vision was blurry.

“(Y/N), thank god you’re okay… (Y/N)?” Dean’s face dropped as you walked to him in the bunker.

You tried to speak, but nothing came out. Nothing but blood.

“Kid,” Dean ran to you.

But it was too late. You were gone.

(Posted at 5:40 PM on June 22, 2020)

[thelittlestcheshire]

they say love is a journey (a in character ches playlist regarding elliot)

Started in May of 2020, this is a playlist I made to process Ches’s emotions throughout the entirety of her relationship with Elliot, because music has always been an important tool for her to process things that occur in her life, and I thought it’d be a fun little project to watch how things developed as the plot progressed. And now, I’m sharing it with all of you on the anniversary of their first kiss! I sort of divided it into three “acts” in order to post it because I thought that’d be easier, which you can find under the read more! Happy year of Chelliot, y'all! ( @elliotgdi )

act i: longing

bind your love (cher lloyd) [ooh, now i'm found, i'll never be lost. i'll stick with you no matter the cost. whatever comes we'll figure it out, i know that] // do i wanna know (arctic monkeys) [do i wanna know if this feelin' flows both ways? sad to see you go, was sorta hopin' that you'd stay. baby, we both know that the nights were mainly made for sayin' things that you can't say tomorrow day] // surrender (natalie taylor) [whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready. can we? can we surrender? i surrender] // chasing cars (snow patrol) [i don't quite know how to say how i feel. those three words are said too much. they're not enough] // daisy (zedd) [trust me, i won't give your heart away. why you running, running when you got it right here? oh, i would love you if you let me] // secret love song, pt. ii (little mix) [why can't i say that i'm in love? i wanna shout it from the rooftops/ i wish that it could be like that; why can't it be like that? 'cause i'm yours] // i found (amber run) [and i found love where it wasn't supposed to be, right in front of me, talk some sense to me] // ditmas (mumford & sons) [a broken house. another dry month waiting for the rain/ and i had been resisting this decay; i thought you'd do the same] // what do we got to lose (katherine mcnamara) [i've been lonely for so long i've sang the blues. oh but now your the only one that makes me feel brand new. i'm thinking, what do we got to lose?] // pray (bebe rexha) [i pray to god. he's like one too many drinks, and my intuition starts to sink] // afterglow (taylor swift) [i don't wanna lose, i don't wanna lose this with you. i need to say, hey it's all me; just don't go. meet me in the afterglow]

act ii: acceptance

i walk the line (halsey) [i find it very, very easy to be true. i find myself alone when each day is through. yes, i'll admit that i'm a fool for you] //  dreaming alone (against the current) [don’t lie, bright eyes, is it me that you see when you fall asleep? ‘cause i know it’s you i dream about every night, giving me a feeling like love in the summer; the way i’ve never felt with another] //  i need you to turn to (elton john) [and i wonder sometimes, and i know i'm unkind but i need you to turn to when i act so blind. and i need you to turn to when i lose control, you're my guardian angel who keeps out the cold] // cornelia street (taylor swift) [and baby, i get mystified by how this city screams your name. and baby, i'm so terrified of if you ever walk away i'd never walk cornelia street again] // aurora borealis (bohnes) [you're a million fireflies, you're my northern lights. my magic in the sky] // cosmic love (florence + the machine) [i took the stars from our eyes, and then i made a map and knew that somehow i could find my way back. then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too, so i stayed in the darkness with you] // give me love (ed sheeran) [give me love like never before 'cause lately i've been craving more. and it's been a while but i still feel the same; maybe i should let you go. you know i'll fight my corner, and that tonight i'll call ya after my blood is drowning in alcohol] // only us (laura dreyfuss and ben platt) [so what if it's us? what if it's us and only us, and what came before won't count anymore or matter? can we try that?] // call it what you want (taylor swift) [my baby's fit like a daydream, walking with his head down; i'm the one he's walking to. so call it what you want, yeah, call it what you want to. my baby's fly like a jet stream, high above the whole scene, loves me like i'm brand new. so call it what you want, yeah, call it what you want to] // fly with me (jonas brothers) [if it's you and me forever, if it's you and me right now, that'd be alright (be alright). if we chase the stars to lose our shadow, peter pan and wendy turned out fine. so, won't you fly with me?] // all about us (he is we) [take my hand, i'll teach you to dance; i'll spin you around, won't let you fall down. would you let me lead? you can step on my feet. give it a try, it'll be alright] // {if you're wondering if i want you to} i want you to (weezer) [and i said girl, if you're wondering if i want you to (i want you to) i want you to (i want you to). i swear it's true (swear it's true), without you, my heart is blue]

act ii: he loves you too

the only exception (paramore) [i've got a tight grip on reality, but i can't let go of what's in front of me here. i know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up; leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.] // hearts don't break around here (ed sheeran) [oh my baby, lately i know that every night i'll kiss you, you'll say in my ear; "oh, we're in love, aren't we?" hands in your hair, fingers and thumbs, baby. i feel safe when you're holding me near, love the way that you conquer your fear. you know hearts don't break around here] // lover (taylor swift) [and there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear. have i known you twenty seconds or twenty years?] // sucker (jonas brothers) [i'm a sucker for you, you say the word and i'll go anywhere blindly. i'm a sucker for you, yeah, any road you take, you know that you'll find me] // never gonna give you up (rick astley) [never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you] // perfect (ed sheeran) [baby, i'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms. barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song. i have faith in what i see; now i know i have met an angel in person and she looks perfect. i don't deserve this, you look perfect tonight] // nothing else matters (little mix) [i told ya, don't let me down, i know you never did, and i don't want ya, don't want ya to start now. i got the lock, gave you the key; look at us now, still you and me. man, we come, we come so far] // love me like that (katherine mcnamara) [i can feel my body drowning but there's no use catching my breath 'cause these seconds turn to hours when we're tangled up in this bed. and it comes in waves, when you love me; couldn't stay away, when you love me like, when you love me like that] // when the lights go out - piano version (gabrielle aplin) [the nights where i blow up with no excuse; the way that you show up and pull me through. no pretty lies, just the ugly truth, and you feel the same way, too. being with you is easy, easy as breathing. only you can see me when the lights go out] // i get to love you (ruelle) [they say love is a journey, i promise that i'll never leave. when it's too heavy to carry, remember this moment with me. i get to love you, i get to love you. i get to love you]

[boarix]

2020 Creator Wrap

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

I was tagged by @incognito-insomniac ! Thank you, daaarling! You’re a peach😊

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Whew! I’m gonna have to do a combo as I only managed to eke out three chapters of Wraith in the Ruins last year.

I will tag @lookbluesoup @theartofblossoming @its-sixxers @thenightmotherwrites @bluegrasskitty @mayihavethisdanse @daddyfuckinlonglegs @makkuromurasaki @oberlan @monsterboynyx @marvilus73 @of-devils-and-drawings @vaultgirl2077 @trekkie-in-space @so-i-did-this-thing @ghoulja @kimbureh @nuclearmu5hroom and literally anyone who reads this and wants to play. @ me an’ everything! As always, no obligation (and I apologize if you’ve been tagged already or if being tagged stresses you out. If the later, please let me know. I won’t be offended I promise. I care ‘bout ya!)  =^..^=

….

I posted my third Wandering Gardens piece, EARTHA early in the year. I’m pretty happy with the original but it can be difficult to find the right lighting for taking pictures. All my drawings are traditional and I used a combination of pencil, colored pencil, glitter pen and fine-point Sharpie for EARTHA.

….

In April I posted chapter 18 of Wraith in the Ruins, Lighthouse:

Harkness yawned and waved at her by way of greeting. He was sitting in an office chair with his feet up on the desk of one of the former Flynn brothers. “Those are some fancy duds there, General Dragon-Lady.”

She removed the helm and wrinkled her nose at him, “Nice. You two just get here?”

“Nope.” Groaning, he stood, stretched and removed a pot of steaming water from a hotplate, “We headed out from Goodneighbor as soon as I got back. Sun called ferals to him the entire way; it was pretty surreal.” He waved a mug at her, “Tea?”

“Actually, yes, thanks.” She accepted the mug and idly played with the steeper. “You said he called to them?”

“Not very many and not out loud. He says that when you’re done, he will lead them to the Glowing Sea.”

“Like a Pied Piper, huh?”

“I actually think I know that reference.”

“As do I. And I approve.”

Sun of Atom swept into the room with a floating grace that left Wraith green with envy. Almost immediately the prickling sensation returned and she outwardly flinched away from the ghoul.

“Apologies, Mother’s Chosen One; I’ll turn down my intensity.” He smiled warmly at her, “It is extremely gratifying to learn that you are so receptive. Perhaps this training will go swiftly and we each can return to our chosen paths.”

….

In August I posted chapter 19, Harbinger:

“Tch,” They waved a hand dismissingly, “their light has returned to Atom. The meat sack is unimportant. Besides, it’s hot and wet out here and I have a particular loathing for swamp ass.”

As Harkness did his best to mend himself he could feel the ghoul watching him. It annoyed the shit out of him, “What makes you think I’m going to answer any of your fucking…”

“Did you ever ask him?” Their lip curled in amusement, “Sun. Did you ever ask him about your light? Or, did you assume that you must have one. After all you are alive, right?” Their voice deepened and came as the lowest of whispers, “Are you alive, Harkness?”

“I will not play, Infamy.” His eyes mirrored the iron in his voice.

“You’ll play. After all, you’ve curiosity of your own to quench.” They brought a hand up under their chin, propped their arm on a knee and bat their eyes at him, “Don’t you want to know how I knew where you were? Hmmm? Don’t you want to know ‘why now’?”

“No. I figure… you heard Sunny… or one of you did. Why are you so interested in Wraith? What is she the Harbinger of?”

They made an indelicate noise and waved a hand dismissively, “It’s not her I’m interested in any longer. I imagine she was the Harbinger of Death for Sun of Atom…”

“NO!” Furious, Harkness pound his fist on the ground, “You fucking… uncaring monster! It can’t be as simple…”

“Wraith is up to Atom. Whether or not she’s ‘The Harbinger’ is up to the Mother of the Fog and I don’t pretend to know their Holy Plan. And I’d be careful thrashing about and opening your wounds, brother; you’ve only got so much of that red fluid left.”

“Red fluid?! It’s blood, you fuck! I am alive and I have blood!”

….

In late November I posted chapter 20, Call My Name:

Tipped on its side, the trailer’s interior was narrow but devoid of monsters. Wraith gently lay Deacon down atop the scattered shipping tubs and glanced around for an additional light source to supplement her Pip-Boy, “Keep pressure on it, I’m going to hop back and grab some of those lanterns…” Once she returned she pulled shut the truck’s cargo door and got out her knife. However, when she turned back to Deacon he was nowhere to be seen. “Did you just… are you using a Stealth Boy?!”

“I don’t want you t’ cut my jeans!”

Blinking rapidly, she looked down at her combat knife and then back up to where his voice came from, “Deacon… you might bleed out! I’ll make you new pants!”

“Imma try to get out… OW! Huuurrgn… of them…” Failing, he phased back into view with a miserable expression on his face.

“There’s nothing wrong with showing a little leg. Or… a lot… damn, Deacon.” She made an attempt to school the worry from her face as she worked, “Looks like you’ll need to wear skirts for a while.”

“I have the calves for it.”

She couldn’t disagree, “Actually, you have better legs then me. Turn a little more on your side…”

“Why don’t you like the way you look? I think you’re pretty.”

“Well, I think you’re pretty too, Deacon. So I’ll throw that right back at you; why do you want to change your face again? Seems a more… dramatic solution than sticking on a false mustache. What’s th’ matter? Can’t grow facial hair?”

….

On the same day I posted the fourth of my Wandering Gardens, HaRDy (with Lanny and Leonard the radstag). This was the first time I used actual wasteland fauna: fever blossom, blight, glowing mushrooms, the giant lichen (non-harvestable) found near the Abandoned Shack/Federal Supply Cache 84NE, brain fungus, and wild gourd/ash blossom. This piece took me months to do and I’m pretty happy with the level of detail I was able to achieve. I strongly encourage you to zoom in on any of my robot pieces. Also, I was listening to the Little Shop of Horrors soundtrack around the time I was working on this so I threw in a Mean Green tagalong.

Thanks again for the tag @incognito-insomniac! =^..^=

[oneweekoneband]

I’m slightly nauseous already with knowing I’m going to say this, but what does “self-awareness”  even mean? In modern parlance, as a descriptive phrase, as a comment on art? I’m asking in earnest, like, I’ve been Googling lately, which for me is basically on par with doctoral study in terms of academic rigor. The self is king, anyway, tyrant, so where is the line of distinction between material that intentionally is nodding at some truth about the artist’s life and what’s just, like, all the rest of the regular navel-gazing bullshit. I mean, I’m all self, I am guilty here. I can’t get it out of my poems or even make it more quiet. This is the tenth time I’ve invoked “I” in the space of six sentences. Processing art has always necessitated a certain amount of grappling with the creator, but the busywork of it lately grows more and more tedious. Joy drains out of my body parsing marks left behind not just in stylistic tendencies and themes, but in literal, intentional tags like graffiti on a water tower. This feels an age old and moth-holed complaint, dull, and I am no historian, or really a serious thinker of any kind. I’ve now complained at some length about self-referential art, but didn’t I love how Martin Scorsese nodded to the famous Goodfellas Copacabana tracking shot with the opening frames of last year’s The Irishman? Didn’t I find that terribly fun and sort of sweet? So there’s distinctions. I’m only saying I don’t know with certainty what they even are. I’m unreliable, and someone smarter than me has likely already solved my quandary about why self-knowledge often transforms into overly precious self-reflexivity in such a way that the knowledge is diminished and obscured, leaving only cutesy Easter eggs behind. Postmodernism has birthed a moralizing culture where art exists to be termed either “self-aware Good” or “self-aware Bad”.  Self-referentiality in media is so commonplace, so much the standard, that what was once credited as metatextual inventiveness often feels lazy now. In 1996, Scream was revitalizing a genre. Today, two thirds of all horror movies spend half their running time making sure that you know that they know they’re a horror movie, which is fine, I guess, except sometimes you just wanna watch someone get butchered with an axe in peace. 

This is all to say that in 2020 Taylor Swift looked long and hard upon her image in the reflecting pool of her heart and has written yet another song about Gone Girl.

“mirrorball” is a very good piece of Gone Girl —feels insane to tell anyone reading a post on a blog what Gone Girl is but, you know, the extremely popular 2012 novel about a woman who pretends to have been murdered and frames her husband for it, and subsequently the 2014 film adaption where you kinda see Ben Affleck’s dick for a second—fanfiction. It would be a fine song, a good song, really, even if it weren’t that, if it were just something normal and not unhinged written by a chill person who behaves in a regular way, but we need to acknowledge the facts for what they are. When Taylor Swift watched Rosamund Pike toss her freshly self-bobbed hair out of her face and hiss, “You think you’d be happy with some nice Midwestern girl? No way, baby. I’m it!” her brain lit up like a Christmas tree, and she’s never been the same. If you Google “taylor swift gone girl” there waiting for you will be a medium sized lake’s worth of articles speculating about how Gone Girl influenced and is referenced in past Swift singles “Blank Space” and “Look What You Made Me Do”. This is not new behavior, and if anything it’s getting a bit troubling to think that it’s been this long since Taylor’s read another book. Still, while the prior offerings were a fair attempt at this particular feat of depravity, “mirrorball” has brought Taylor’s Amy Elliott Dunne deification to stunning new heights. And most importantly, Taylor has done a service to every person alive with more than six brain cells and a Internet connection by putting an end to the “Cool Girl” discourse once and for all. By the power invested in “mirrorball”, it is hereby decreed that the Cool Girl speech from Gone Girl is neither feminist or antifeminist, not ironic nor aspirational. No. It’s something much better than all that. It’s a threat. I ! Can ! Change ! Everything ! About ! Me ! To ! Fit ! In !

Gone Girl (2012) by Gillian Flynn

“mirrorball” (2020) by Taylor Swift

When the twinkly musical stylings of Jack Antonoff, a man I distinctly distrust, but for no one specific reason, whirl to life at the beginning of this song I feel instantly entranced, blurry-brained and pleasure-pickled like an infant beneath a light-up crib mobile or, I guess, myself in the old times, the outside times, three tequila sodas deep under the disco lights at The Short Stop. Under a mirrorball in my head. I know very little about music, as a craft, and I really don’t care to know more. I’m happy in a world of pure, dumb sensation. I’m not even sure what kind of instruments are making these jangly little sounds. I just like it. I am vibing. We may not ever be able to behave badly in a club again, but I can sway to my stupid Taylor Swift-and-the-brother-of-the-lady-who-makes-like-those-sweatshirts-with-little-sayings-or-like-vulvas-which-famous-white-women-wear-on-instagram-you-know-what-I-mean song, pressing up onto my tiptoes on the linoleum tile of our kitchen floor and can feel for a second or two something approaching bliss. “mirrorball” is a lush sound bath that I like a lot and then also it’s about being all things to all people, chameleoning at a second’s notice, doing Oscar worthy work on every Zoom call, performing the you who is good, performing the you who is funny, performing the you who draws a liter of your own blood and throws it around the kitchen then cleans it up badly all to get your husband sent to jail for sleeping with a college student... Too much talk about making and unmaking of the self is way too, like, 2012 Tumblr for me now, and I start hearing the word “praxis” ring threateningly in my head, but I’m not yet so evolved that I don’t feel a pull. Musings on the disorganized self—on how we are new all the time, and not just because of all the fresh skin coming up under the dead, personhood in the end so frighteningly flexible—are always going to compel me, I’m afraid, but that goes double for musings on the disorganized self which posit that Taylor Swift still thinks Amy Dunne made some points.

Because on “mirrorball” Taylor is for once not hamfistedly addressing some “hater”, in the quiet and the lack of embarrassing martyrdom it actually offers an interesting answer to the complaint that Taylor is insufficiently self-aware. This criticism emerges often in tandem with claiming to have discovered some crack in the chassis of Swift’s public self, revealing the sweetness to be insincere. My instinct is to dismiss this more or less out of hand as just a mutation of the school of thought that presumes all work by women must be autobiography. And, regardless, it is made altogether laughable by the fact that anyone actually paying attention has known since at least Speak Now, a delightful record populated by the most appalling, horrible characters imaginable, and all of them written by a twenty year old Taylor Swift, that this woman is a pure weirdo. To accuse Taylor Swift of lacking in self-awareness is a reductive misunderstanding, I think, of artifice. Being a fake bitch takes work. Which is to say, if we agree that her public self is a calculated performance—eliding the fact that all public selves are a performance to avoid getting too in the weeds yadda yadda— why, then, should it be presumed that performance is rooted in ignorance? Would it not make more sense that, in fact, someone able to contort themselves so ably into various shapes for public consumption would have a certain understanding of the basic materials they’re working with and concealing? Taylor Swift, in a decade and a half of fame, has presented herself from inside a number of distinct packages. The gangly teenager draped in long curls like climbing wisteria who wrote lyrics down her arms in glitter paint gave way to red lipstick, a Diet Coke campaign, and bad dancing at awards shows. There was the period where she was surrounded constantly by a gaggle of models, then suddenly wasn’t anymore, and that rough interlude with the bleached hair. The whole Polaroid thing. Last year she boldly revealed she’s a democrat. Now it’s the end of the world and she’s got frizzy bangs and flannels and muted little piano songs. Perhaps this endless shape-shifting contradicts or undermines, for some, the pose of tender authenticity which has remained static through each phase, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t been doing it all on purpose the entire time. I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try...

In the Disney+ documentary—which, in order to watch, I had to grudgingly give the vile mouse seven dollars, because the login information that I’d begged off of my little sister didn’t work and I was too embarrassed to bring it up a second time—Taylor referred to “mirrorball” as the first time on the album where she explicitly addressed the pandemic, referring to the lyrics that start, “And they called off the circus, Burned the disco down,” and end with “I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me,” which actually did made me laugh, feeling sort of warmly foolish and a little fond, because it never would have occurred to me that she was trying to be literal there. I suppose we really do all contain multitudes. Hate that.

[roseyserpents]

Hostage

Summary: you're taken by the Ghoulies while walking home one night and it's up to the Serpents to get you back.

Warnings: kidnapping, violence, near drowning

Word count: 1,876

A/N: I haven't posted in a while so have something I haven't edited (this is rly bad sry not sry)

Posted: January 14, 2020 1:27 P.M. CT

"What are you doing all by yourself so late?" A voice asks from behind you, a chill running down your spine as you turn around. You see a man you'd seen many pictures of and heard many stores about, Malachi the leader of the Ghoulies.

"Ah, you're a Serpent." He grins, referring to the tattoo below your collarbone. "Are you the princess I've been hearing everyone talk about?"

You stay quiet and put on a face of stone. A Serpent never shows cowardice, You think, cursing yourself for leaving your knife at home. Malachi scans your figure and expression, looking for a chink in your armour.

"Well as you know it's not very safe to walk around the South alone, so I guess we'll be your company."

"What--?" You say right before someone behind you holds a rag against your mouth, your hands and feet viciously attacking the person holding you but the chemical in the rag was slowly taking away your strength until your eyes roll back in your head.

-

Toni checks the time on her phone after being woken up by someone knocking on her door, groaning when they don't stop. She stands up and trudges down the hall, opening the door and being met with Jughead.

"Uh hey Jughead? What're you doing here so early?" She asks.

"Is Y/n here?" He questions, peering slightly over her shoulder to look for himself.

"No, last I saw her was school Thursday. She probably stayed over at someone else's house."

Jughead nods before saying a quick goodbye and moving on. His fear got worse and worse after each person told him you weren't with them. He assured everyone he talked to everything was fine even when he knew it definitely wasn't, especially when he crossed off the last name on his mental list with Cheryl.

"Hey Sweet Pea can I talk to you?" Jughead asks, Sweet Pea finishing a conversation before walking towards him in a quiet corner of the Wyrm. At that point you'd been gone about three days and concern was growing in Jughead's head. "Y/n hasn't been home. I don't know where she is."

Sweet Pea stiffens at Jughead's words, worry displayed in his eyes though he tried to hide it. "Where do you think she is?"

"I don't know, but it must have something to do with the Ghoulies." He replies, referring to the increasing tension between the two gangs.

"We need to tell the others." Sweet Pea says glancing at Toni and Fangs playing pool.

"No, if we do it'll just make things worse. Only me, my dad, and you know."

"Well then we need to schedule a meeting with Penny."

-

Sweet Pea, Jughead, and FP sit gathered in the Jones trailer as FP sets down a phone in the middle of the table, the three Serpents waiting anxiously for someone to pick up.

"Took you long enough to call." Penny's voice says after she answers the phone.

"I'm not playing any games Penny." FP hisses. "Where's Y/n?"

"Don't worry your precious little daughter is safe. Or atleast for now."

"I swear to God if you lay a hand on her-"

"If you want your princess back," she cuts him off, "Meet me at the East side of sweet water."

"How do I know you have her?" FP asks, tapping his finger on the table and leaning on it.

"Here." There's rustling on the other end before you speak into the phone in a weak voice, "Dad?"

"Y/n, we're coming okay?"

"Hurry they're not-" you're cut off by the sound of skin on skin, a small whimper following it.

"Don't touch her!" Sweet Pea yells, slamming his fist down on the table.

"East side of Sweetwater. Friday eleven sharp." Penny says before hanging up, leaving the Serpents on the other end frustrated and scared for your life.

FP had announced to the rest of the Serpents the Ghoulies had kidnapped you that night, anger rising amongst the members. Everyone in the Whyte Wyrm that night prepared for a war against the Ghoulies the tensions preparing to snap.

-

Friday approached slowly for you. The two days after the call the Ghoulies had treated you worse than before, more bruises and cuts littering your body including a large gash on your upper side where your Serpent tattoo used to be. You'd lost a few pounds due to lack of food and heavy bags sat above shallow cheeks on your face, dry blood trails caking your face. A bag had been thrown over your head before you were thrown into a van, a bumpy fifty minute ride follows before you're thrown out, the bag being ripped off your head. You're kneeled down in front of Penny Peabody, someone tying your hands together with thick rope.

"The snakes are really desperate to get their princess back." She smirks, tapping the end of a knife in her hand. She nods to the person behind you who hoists you to your feet, you nearly collapse due to being so weak. "Not much left though."

She grabs your arm and harshly pulls you to the side, bruises forming under her fingertips as she wraps her other arm around your shoulders. The knife in her hand lies on your collarbone, the cold blade chilling your skin.

Hope blooms in your chest as you see multiple motorcycles pull up to the bank, Serpents jumping off of them and approaching the scene. The first people you see are your dad, your brother, Sweet Pea, Fangs, and Toni, and you never thought you could be more relieved to see them. All of their gazes are set on you and Penny, her knife now held against your throat.

"Let her go." FP growls, stepping closer causing Penny to step backwards and closer to the harsh current of the river the cliff you stood on overlooked.

"If you get any closer in cutting her open and dumping her into the river like Jason Blossom." She says, you closing your eyes and swallowing the tears building up in your throat.

"What do you want, Penny?" Jughead asks, your eyes opening again to watch the fight to see which side would get you.

"I want more power." She answers. "The Ghoulies have lived in your shadow for far too long. I want more of our territory back."

"Fine. Take your territory and give us Y/n." FP says, gesturing to you.

"I'll take that but you won't take her." Penny says. Everything seems to happen in slow motion. She pulls the knife away from your throat, a small trail of crimson blood dripping down your neck where it was. She pushes you backwards, sending you right into the black waves of Sweetwater. The part of the river you all gathered by was one of the strongest, the current easily pulling you under more than you could stay above due to your strength being deplenished. You thrash around, taking breaths as much as you though you started breathing in water more than air the longer you are in the river. Your clothes weighed you down, trying to drag you to the depths of the water. You hear people call your name but you can't respond, only focus on trying not to drown. You see a log reaching into the water from shore, your arms wrapping around one of the brittle branches as if your life depended on it - which it practically did. You desperately look around for someone, finally seeing Sweet Pea, Fangs, and Toni run towards the tree. The look frantic as they try to find a way to reach out to you without breaking the branch you clinged to. Eventually Sweet Pea inches as close as he could, lying down on the dirt with one of his hands reached out towards you. You try to grab it but almost get swept back into the current forcing you to wrap your arm back around the log and your eyes to squeeze shut.

"Y/n, you need to grab my hand." Sweet Pea yells over the sound of the rushing water.

"I'm gonna fall." You say, almost to quiet for him to hear.

"I won't let you. You just need to trust me." He tries to reason, the sound of wood cracking ringing through the air. Reluctantly you reach out again, this time your shaky hand getting hold of his firm one. "I've got you." He says, pulling you out of the water and onto shore. Once you are on land, you throw your arms around him and shake with an exhausted sob, burying your face in the crook of his neck. His arms snake around you, holding you firmly against him after pulling you both further away from the water.

"Come on." He says quietly, scooping you up in his arms and carrying you back to where the Serpents had chased away the Ghoulies. He sets you down, FP and Jughead running up and pulling you into a tight hug, a weak smile spreading on your face.

"Thank you." You whisper before pulling away. "Can I um spend the night at Peas?" Your dad looks from your disheveled appearance to Sweet Pea standing a few feet back before sighing.

"Don't take your eye of her, boy." He says, pointing a finger at the boy next to you. Sweet Pea nods, wrapping an arm around you and leading you to his bike.

It's a short ride back to the trailer park, Sweet Pea giving you some of his clothes to wear. The two of you sat on his couch for about an hour while he patched up the cuts and bruises and other marks left on your body from the Ghoulies, his hands gently working with each one until he's done. After he puts away the first aid kit he leads you by your hand to his room, both of you lying down facing each other. You could hear a party being thrown outside most likely for the victory over the Ghoulies, but neither of you bothered to look or go out.

"I thought about you a lot." You whisper, looking up at Sweet Pea. "It's like the only thing that kept me going, that I knew I'd be back here."

Sweet Peas arms tighten around you and pull you closer into his chest, his chin resting on the top of your head after he presses a kiss to your hair. Your legs tangle with his, your eyes shutting in peace.

"I'm sorry." He says, his voice quiet. "I should've walked with you instead of making you walk alone."

"It's not your fault." You say, pulling away slightly to look at him. "I'm the daughter of the King of Serpents and the girlfriend of a higher up, I'm a target. Something like this was bound to happen."

"How did I get so lucky as to end up with the strongest girl I know?" He asks, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Same way I got so lucky as to end up with the absolute perfect boy." You smile, leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, warmth spreading through you.

"I love you." Sweet Pea hums against your lips.

"I love you."

[sheyshen]

My FanFic compilation

I figured I have written quite a lot over the years and especially this year, that putting together something like this, that has everything I’ve written so far in one place all organized would be a good idea! So please! Enjoy!

There’s quite a lot so they’ll all be listed under the read more, They’re all organized by series (fairy tail, swtor, mass effect, dragon age, greedfall, anthem, and smut fics) as well as by pair with a short description, starting with the first fic I wrote (fairy tail) and the latest (fictober 2020 prompts)  :D

Fairy Tail: (Leading off with this because it’s my first ever fic) -Shall We Dance, Pair: Laxus/Lucy: 38 chapters, Finished https://archiveofourown.org/works/4351550/chapters/9870611

Swtor: Main fic: -Breaking the Bad News (aka BTBN), multi-pair, main focus is shan trio: currently 70 chapters, Ongoing. https://archiveofourown.org/works/9340892/chapters/21164699

Side Fics: Kara Hawke’s Backstory(s):

Pre-Class story: -A Smuggler’s Tyr, no pairing, intro to Kara’s first crew: Currently 1 chapter, Complete (Might add more eventually)

During Class Story: -Adventure of a Lifetime, no pairing focus but will mention Darmas, meant to build on what we have of the in game class story: Currently 1 chapter, hiatus (plan to work on more with 2021)

Post Class Story: -Hawke Legacy: While Kara Sleeps, mentioned Theron/Kara, focus’s on Koro delivering the news of Marr’s ship being attacked to Theron. 1 chapter, Complete -Downtime, Theron/Kara, Post arrival on Odessen but prior to chapter 9 on kotfe, 1 chapter, complete -Desert Reunion, Theron/Kara, Introducing Kara’s dad and bringing him into the Alliance, 3 chapters, complete -A Moment, Theron/Kara, but starting to poke at the idea of Arcann being involved, 1 chapter, complete

Prompts: -Fictober 2018, day 1: Can you feel this?, Kara/Arcann/Theron, post-umbara/pre-copero so theron’s only mentioned -Fictober 2018, day 3: How can I trust you?, Kara/Arcann/Theron, post-Nathema, and a bit on the trio +kids, dealing with Theron’s return -Fictober 2018, day 5: Take what you need, mentioned Kara/Caleb (her first husband from her original crew), takes place before the class stories, short story about a job she had done -Fictober 2018, day 6: I’ve heard enough, this ends now. Kara/Arcann (sometime pre-nathema so sorry Theron’s not really in this one), bit of covering a reoccuring nightmare Kara had for a few months -Fictober 2018, day 7: No Worries, we still have time, Kara/Arcann/Theron (Arcann’s not present tho, just mentioned), little bit of the pair of workaholics +kids taking a break -Fictober 2018, day 12/13: Who could do this/Try harder next time, Kara/Arcann/Theron & Koren/Trey (Will have this in both pairs), sometime post-nathema probably, little adventure with Kara involving having to save her sons -Prompt: I Care about You, Theron/Kara, little bit of a rebuild of their kotfe reuinion -Prompt: Come Cuddle, Kara/Arcann/Theron, Short fluff story of one of their movie nights with some bad jokes -Promptless idea: Arcann Singing, Kara/Arcann/Theron, I’ve always had this idea that Arcann can sing at least as well as Senya does, so here’s a bit of him singing to kara’s boys, and also kara. -Fictober 2019, day 2: Just Follow me, I know the area, Kara/Arcann mainly, post onslaught so Theron’s involved but just not featured in this prompt. Little bit of a romantic night out. -Fictober 2019, day 3: Now? Now you listen to me?, Kara/Arcann/Theron, follow-up to the fictober 2018 day 6 prompt, and resolution to the chronic nightmares Kara was having -Fictober 2020, day 7: Yes I did, what about it?, Kara/Arcann/Theron, post-nathema, small bit of theron and kara heart to heart about a choice she made (involving Valss because I’m still bitter we didn’t get a save option for him) and both prosthetic users in the trio are sore (maybe there’s a storm moving in) -Fictober 2020, day 15: Not interested, thank you, Kara/Arcann/Theron (Arcann isn’t present for this), one of a handful of reminders that Kara and Theron are parents, connor just really wants to make his lightsaber -Fictober 2020, day 18: You don’t see it?, Kara/Arcann/Theron (post umbara pre Nathema so theron is only mentioned), something of a pep-talk from arcann.

Nora Hawke/Mikael Hawke: -That Time Back When We First Met, backstory on how my sith warrior and pub trooper met before they started their relationship: currently 2 chapters, hiatus (plan to work on more with 2021) -Fictober 2018, day 4: Will that be all?, little bit after they first met, can be considered a continuation chapter... technically

Koren Gates/Trey Hawke: -Fictober 2018, day 2: People Like you have no imagination, Koren/Trey & Shey/Torian (will put it for both pairs), little adventure of my bounty hunter squad +sith BF -Fictober 2018, day 12/13: Who could do this/Try harder next time, Kara/Arcann/Theron & Koren/Trey (Will have this in both pairs), sometime post-nathema probably, little adventure with Kara involving having to save her sons -Fictober 2020, day 13: I missed this, Koren/Trey, bit of fluff between my overly caring hunter who could use a day off and his grump of a sith boyfriend. -Fictober 2020, day 28: Do I have to do everything here?, Kara/Arcann/Theron, Arcann and Koth decide to play a co-op holonet game, with only minor arguing. -Fictober 2020, day 30: Just say it, Kara/Arcann/Theron, Kara gets a little time to herself and the trio’s weekly movie night ends up being a bit more than just the three of them.

Shey Shen/Torian Cadera: -Fictober 2018, day 2: People Like you have no imagination, Koren/Trey & Shey/Torian (will put it for both pairs), little adventure of my bounty hunter squad +sith BF -Prompt: I’m Right Where I Belong, Shey/Torian sometime post kotet, a rare time that I bring up the fact that she has amnesia and still can’t remember anything prior to about 2 years prior to the class stories starting. -Prompt: ... out of habit (kiss), former Shey/Koro mention as well as Shey/Torian, because Koro is a mess and while him and Shey have been divorced for years habits die hard. -Fictober 2020, day 8: I’m not doing that again, Shey/Torian & Kurana/Andronikos (will be under both pairs), Little bit of a fun idea of who would win in a fight, our dear pirate or mando

Kurana Knight/Andronikos Revel: -Prompt: One Falling Asleep with their head in the other’s lap, Kurana/Andronikos, I keep thinking of this prompt now and then because writing Niko being soft for his wife is a lot of fun. -Fictober 2020, day 8: I’m not doing that again, Shey/Torian & Kurana/Andronikos (will be under both pairs), Little bit of a fun idea of who would win in a fight, our dear pirate or mando

Lyra Hawke/Doc: -Fictober 2020, day 1: No, Come Back!, Lyra/Doc, little adventure on an unnamed planet that I honestly love the idea of -Fictober 2020, day 6: That was Impressive, Lyra/Doc, Another little adventure of information gathering featuring Kara’s youngest son, Connor. -Fictober 2020, day 22: And neither should you, Lyra/Doc, little bit of fluff and doc trying to get his wife to take a day off

Ren Hawke/Vinn Atrius: -Fictober 2020, day 9: Will you Look at this?, Ren/Vinn, I need to write more of them outside of btbn so this was a start to hopefully more building on my didn’t plan to ship this as strongly as I ended up doing pair.

Ava Reiner/Jonas Balkar: -Fictober 2020, day 20: Did I ask?, Ava/Jonas, Small job featuring a couple of SIS agents, and including a bounty hunter I got attached to in a hurry.

Kyri Dennan/Arn Peralun: -Fictober 2020, day 21: This, this makes it all worth it, Kyri/Arn, little build up for another pair that I didn’t expect to get attached to, featuring some implant maintanence.

Airi/Theron (one off because disaster spy/spy pairing I had to write at least once): -Admittance, 1 chapter, complete

WoW: Aulara Stormdawn/Kieran Grimmarrow: -Lunar Eclipse, (Technically my first fic but I didn’t post it until after Shall We Dance), A story involving Aulara (an orphaned night elf priestess), Koren Haven (her brother from the orphanage, a human paladin), Kieran (a blood elf noble, hunter who doesn’t have much people skills), and the friends they meet including Rokar an old orc shaman and Sen a orc huntress, that navigates through the warcraft story starting with vanilla wow. Currently 7 chapters, on hiatus but planning on picking it up again in 2021! -Fictober 2020, day 4: That didn’t stop you before, Aulara/Kieran, A quest during Legion and a bit of a flashback from one of their first quests together around when they first started fighting side by side during BC -Fictober 2020, day 25: Sometimes you can even see, Aulara/Kieran, The burning of Teldrassil and Kieran deciding he’s willing to risk everything he’s ever known to be with his wife. Koren is there to give him a hand. -Fictober 2020, day 26: How about you trust me for once?, Aulara/Kieran, early BC before they became a couple, Kieran and Aulara get a moment to talk alone in Nagrand, involves something close to an awkward confession. >:3

Shey Wrynn/Varian Wrynn: -Prompt: Are you testing me?, Shey/Varian, post WoD but pre-Legion, little walk through elwynn turning into an adventure between the king and his wife, Shey is not amused when he charges in head first. -Fictober 2020, day 2: That’s the easy part, Shey/Varian, mid to late WoD, bit of fluff while planning the push towards hellfire citadel, bit of fluff and bit of proposal.  >:3 -Fictober 2020, day 10: All I ever wanted, Shey/Varian, post-BFA Pre-Shadowlands, proof I can write at least a little bit angsty, some platonic Shey & Anduin. -Fictober 2020, day 16: I never wanted anything else, Shey/Varian, something short around late Cata early MoP involving Shey having a birthday. -Fictober 2020, day 27: Give me that, Shey/Varian, probably what I consider the most ooc i’ve written him but honestly i had a lot of fun writing them being dorks. -Fictober 2020, day 31: I trust you, Shey/Varian, sometime early Cata soon after they started a relationship. The one and probably only time I’ll ever mention Shey’s old house, and a touch on the fact that i’m 100% certain that Varian would try and sneak out of the city time to time.

Shey & Anduin (platonic, it’s always platonic/familial between them) -Fictober 2020, day 19: I can’t do this anymore, Shey & Anduin, because sometimes a girl just needs to sneak her son out of the city to give him a break and maybe check out a ruin or something.

Shey Wrynn/Aethas Sunreaver: -Prompt: By your side, Shey/Aethas. Post legion, a bit of a moment between them early BFA. I started writing them as a potential pair before settling as friends with benefits that might form into more, so this is a possible hinting at them becoming “more”

Mass Effect: John Shepard/Kaidan Alenko: -Prompt: War’s End Kiss, Shenko, Post ME3 when they’re just a couple of retired old soldiers and John’s slowly recovering from his injuries from the final push. -Fictober 2019, day 4: I know you didn’t ask for this, Shenko, Post ME3, a bit of a heart to heart between them and tending to slowly healing injuries. -Fictober 2020, day 3: You did this?, Shenko, Post ME3, Kaidan runs across some old footage of John over the years from before they met to the reaper war. -Fictober 2020, day 14: You better leave now, Shenko, during ME3, short mission against a hold out of mercs, featuring James. -Fictober 2020, day 24: Are you kidding me?, Shenko, during ME3 probably, featuring Kaidan “my headache doesn’t hurt that bad” Alenko and John “please just take a nap” Shepard. -Fictober 2020, day 29: Back up!, Shenko, during ME3, mission to clear out a cerberus warehouse including some battle flirting and James lending a gun.

Scott Ryder/Gil Brodie: -Fictober 2020, day 12: Watch me, Ryder/Gil, Post main MEA story, something short of Scott looking forward to getting out and exploring while Gil (and eventually Sara) work on the Nomad. (Sara is my pathfinder)

Dragon Age: Garrett Hawke/Fenris: -Dawning, Fenhawke, Short bit of fluff and my firt step into writing dragon age. Late or post DA2.

Lia Hawke/Fenris (a one off when I was debating on canon hawkes & romances for them): -Fictober 2020 day 5: Unacceptable, try again. Fenhawke, little bit of teasing and bad taste in books.

Rana Cousland/Alistair Theirin: -Promptless ramble, Rana/Alistair, Set during DAO with Rana reflecting on those she’s lost, worrying for her brother and realizing just how in love she’s fallen with Alistair. -Fictober 2020, day 23: Do we have to?, Rana/Alistair, set post DAO, pre-DAI, little romantic picnic between the king and queen of ferelden before she heads off on her next mission. (hints at Nathaniel being involved with the both of them.)

Greedfall: Lydia de Sardet/Kurt -Fictober 2020, day 11: I told you so, Lydia/Kurt, short bit trying to get my footing writing these two, Lydia thinks she can still climb trees like she used to as a kid. -Fictober 2020, day 17: Give me a minute or an hour, Lydia/Kurt, short bit, and Kurt not being as subtle about his feelings about Lydia as he probably thinks he has.

Anthem: Raya Auren/Matti (1 of the 3 Matthias Sumner) -Fictober 2019 day 1: It’ll be fun, trust me, Raya/Matti, Bit of an adventure involving Raya taking her favorite arcanist out of fort tarsis to see something very special. (also involving me having no clue how they transport people when there’s only one javelin and winging it)

Smut: (all of them are swtor so far) -A Moment Reprised, Kara/Arcann, takes place post-umbara and pre-nathema, and sometime late in BtBN, no plot. -Moving on, Koren/Trey, takes place right before chap 35 of BtBN, featuring my dorks of a hunter and sith setting in stone they’re serious about each other. no plot -Just a short vacation, Kara/Theron, takes place post-nathema pre-onslaught, A moment in Kara and Theron’s honeymoon at a lovely resort and the closest to taking a day off Theron will ever probably take. No plot -Welcome Home, Kara/Arcann/Theron, unlike the other 3 doesn’t have a specific time that it takes place other than post nathema. No plot

[flowerfan2]

Group Texts Are Ridiculous (Or, Five-0 Starts a Group Text)

Somehow I managed to post Chapter 2 on A03 a few days ago without posting on tumblr... I’m not sure how many people actually depend on tumblr for fic these days, but in case you do, here you go!

McDanno, T, A03

Summary:  After 10x22 when Steve leaves Oahu to go find himself, Five-0 starts a group text to keep in touch while Steve’s away.  Picks up after the end of Season 10. 

Chapter 2

May 20, 2020

SM:  Hey, where’s Danny?

LG:  With Tani, I think, heading to a crime scene on the north shore.  Sure glad to have him back.  Otherwise it would have been me getting up at the ass crack of dawn when Duke called.

SM:  Does Danny seem ready?

LG:  Ready to come back to work?  Sure.  Shirts are crisp, slacks nicely pressed, hair sprayed firmly in place.  Your boy looks great.

SM:  Ribs not hurting him anymore?

LG:  Maybe a little, but it’s not slowing him down much.

SM:  He hasn’t been answering my texts.

LG:  Did you do something to piss him off?

SM:  Probably.  I usually do. Not sure what this time, though.

TR:  Don’t stress, boss. Danny’s right here, looking sharp as always.  we’re in the car.

SM:  Tani, what have I said about no driving and texting?

TR:  I’m not - Danny’s driving.

SM:  Can I talk to him?  Put it on speaker.

TR:  That would require you to actually call him.  Maybe give it a few minutes though?  We’re a little busy right now.

SM:  What, he can’t drive and talk on the phone at the same time?

TR:  It’s the dodging of bullets that might make that challenging.  Not that Danny isn’t a great multi-tasker, but it seems like an unnecessary risk.

 SM:  Tani, what the hell is going on?

 LG:  Damn.  On my way.

 SM:  Tani, report, now.

 JR:  What just happened?

 SM:  Junior, why aren’t you with Danny?  And where’s Quinn?

 JR:  Day off, sorry sir.

 SM:  Someone call HPD, why don’t you have any back up?

 TR:  No worries, the perp’s not chasing us anymore.  His car flipped over and sort of slid down the dunes. Probably not good for the birds. But he definitely stopped shooting, so it’s all good.

 <i>DW has changed the name of the group text to</i> <b>My Camaro has another bullet hole and it’s Steve’s fault</b>

  <b>May 21, 2020 </b>

 SM:  We have to talk about yesterday.

 DW:  Everything’s fine, Steve.  

 SM:  It didn’t sound like it.  

 DW:  We had it under control.

 SM:  Why was Tani texting when people were shooting at you?  She should have been covering you, or calling for back up. She should have seen it coming. You should never have been in that position in the first place.

 DW:  One, Tani did nothing wrong, and two, mind your own beeswax.

 SM:  Mind my own – what’s that supposed to mean?

 DW:  Think about it for a minute, you’ll figure it out.

 SM:  Are you even recovered enough for active duty?

 DW:  Oh, now you’re interested in my health?

 SM:  Danny, Five-0 is still my team, my responsibility.

 DW:  Is it, now?  Funny, because I’m pretty sure the governor told me I’m in charge.

 SM:  Temporarily.

 DW:  Indefinitely.  Or have you booked a flight home that you haven’t told us about?

 SM:  Danny, we’ve been over this.

 DW:  Don’t I know it.

 SM:  I’m just concerned about all of you.  

 DW:  Great.  Come home and take your job back.  Otherwise keep your mouth shut.

 SM:  I’m not criticizing, it’s just that it doesn’t seem like yesterday went exactly according to plan.

 DW:  According to plan?  Since when have you ever done anything according to plan?  You are the head of not having a plan, the Czar of plan-less-ness, the President of who needs a fucking plan.

 LG:  You guys do remember this is a group text, right?

  <b>June 2, 2020</b>

 JR:  Do any of you know what was in the package Danny got today?

 TR:  You could just ask him.

 JR:  I would, but he opened it up and then locked himself in his office and he’s been on the phone for half an hour.

 QL:  Might be a sign that he wants some privacy.

 TR:  You think?

 JR:  So I shouldn’t ask him?

 TR:  No, you should definitely ask him.  But maybe bring him some malasadas when you barge into his office, it might soften the blow.

 LG:  Or distract him enough that he doesn’t hit your head when he throws something at you.

 DW:  It’s kind of late for malasadas, but I’d love a sandwich from Machete’s.  Turkey and salami, Italian dressing instead of mayo.

 JR:  Yes sir.

 LG:  You’re enjoying this boss thing, aren’t you, Danny?

 DW:  It’s good to be king.  At least where lunch is concerned.

 TR:  So are you going to tell us what was in the package?

 DW:  Will you do my paperwork for the week?

 TR:  Yesterday you said I was worse at paperwork than Steve.

 DW:  Good point.  Will you get Junior to do my paperwork?

 JR:  Hey, wait a minute, I’m getting the sandwiches.

 TR:  Deal.  Don’t worry Junes, I’ll make it worth your while.

 LG:  TMI, children.

 …

 LG:  Tani, spill.  What was in the package?

 DW:  A stuffed squirrel.  A stuffed animal.  Not, like, a once was alive squirrel, like a toy.  

 QL:  Who sent it to him?

 TR:  Apparently that piece of information wasn’t part of the deal.  

 JR:  It’s from Steve.

 TR:  Danny told you?

 JR:  No, I looked at the return address.  He put the package in the recycle bin in the break room.

 DW:  At least someone here has some detective skills.

 LG:  Okay, I’ll bite.  Danny, why did Steve send you a squirrel?  Is it for Charlie?

 DW:  Nope, it’s mine.  And anyone who touches it is dead.

 JR:  So… who’s gonna grab it?

 LG:  Junior, I’d think twice.  Danny’s got the power to assign you to walking the beat for the rest of the summer.  I think that squirrel looks great right there where it is on Danny’s desk.

 TR:  He can be our honorary Five-0 mascot.

 DW:  Exactly.  The very first Hawaiian squirrel.

 DW:  But let me reiterate, you may not touch him.  If I see a tiny aloha shirt or a lei on my squirrel, heads will roll.

 TR:  I like this side of you, Danny.  Very authoritative.

 DW:  The children do not respect me, Lou.

 LG:  Didn’t the governor say he needed extra security at that concert Saturday night?

 DW:  The heavy metal battle of the bands?  The one that lasts for five hours, and features not just professional bands, but appearances from some of the most popular amateur head-banging groups around?  Hm, I think he did.  I was going to check with HPD to make sure it was covered.  Do you think they need personal attention from Five-0?

 TR:  Danny, you might notice that a note has just been slipped under your door. It’s from me and Junior, attesting to our sincere understanding that the squirrel is off limits.  Just in case you were wondering.

 DW:  And all is right with the world again.

 LG:  Amen, brother.

 TR:  But just out of curiosity, what are you going to name your apology squirrel?  Pineapple?

 DW:  Thin ice, my friend, thin ice.

 <i>TR has changed the name of the group text to</i> <b>First Hawaiian Squirrel Fan Club</b>

  <b>June 20, 2020</b>

  JR:  Anyone want to come over and watch Jurassic Park with me and Charlie?  We went a little overboard with the snacks.

 LG:  What kind of snacks?

 JR:  Primarily pretzels.  For some reason I had never really looked that closely at the pretzel aisle at Foodland before.  We got chocolate covered pretzels, pretzels stuffed with peanut butter, honey garlic pretzels, and probably some others too.

 TR:  What brought on this pretzel craving?

 JR:  Actually Charlie wanted pineapple pretzels.

 LG:  There is no such thing.

 JR:  That’s what I thought too, but it turns out I was totally wrong. The ABC store on my block has them.

 LG:  You are shitting me.

 JR:  They’re called Pretz.  Pineapple flavor.  They’re actually pretty good.

 LG:  Okay, I’m coming over just to taste those.  Renee’s out tonight anyway.

 TR:  You’ll have to save me some.  I’m hanging with Koa tonight.

 LG:  And what does our fearless leader think about pineapple pretzels?

 JR:  He probably won’t like them, but he’s not home.  

 TR:  Babysitting, Junes?

 JR:  Charlie’s my pal, he’s not a baby.  But yeah.

 TR:  Where’s Danny?

 JR:  On a date.

 TR:  That seems unlikely.

 JR:  That’s kind of harsh, isn’t it?  Danny’s a good looking guy.

 TR:  Of course he is, that’s not what I meant.

 DW:  Thanks.

 TR:  Fuck I keep forgetting we’re all on this text.

 JR:  Danny, how’s your date going?

 DW:  It would probably be going better if I wasn’t texting you guys.  

 SM:  Learned that lesson finally, did you?

 DW:  Steve, isn’t it a little late where you are?

 SM:  Never too late to help out a friend.  Are you wearing the French blue button-down?

 DW:  No, it got ruined.  I’m just wearing a black polo.

 SM:  Too bad, that’s a great shirt.

 DW:  I’m going to the mall tomorrow, there’s a sale at Lord & Taylor, I need new shirts.  For some reason mine keep getting blood stains on them.

 SM:  Wish I could go with you, you do better with a wingman.

 DW:  It’s true, you talked me into buying two of those slim fit dark blue ones, and those are some of my favorites.

 SM:  Don’t be afraid to try darker shades, Danny.  You resist it but in the end you look great.

 DW:  I did like the dark gray one you made me try on.  But not the purple one.  It made me look like a gigolo.  Anyway blue’s still my favorite.

 SM:  It’s true, nothing makes your eyes sparkle like a blue shirt.

 DW:  And good company, of course.

 LG:  I feel like this thread has been hijacked by aliens.  

 TR:  Aliens who like menswear.  Danny, isn’t your date annoyed that you’re spending all this time texting?

 DW:  Oh, she left.  I’ll be home soon, I’m just picking up some ice cream for the Jurassic Park marathon.

 JR:  I’m so confused.

 SM:  Don’t overthink it.  But make sure Danny tries the pineapple pretzels.

[lachlann-macnab]

BDRP 2020 QUESTIONNAIRE

Your Name: Jean

Characters: Lachlann “Launchpad” MacNab

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth. What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

Well, Launchpad is relatively new so he’s still pretty much the same as I envisioned him from the start-

-though I’ll admit that the idea of him having an enormous crush on Seamus/Scrooge was a surprise. I think it only took a couple of little chats with Sav and familiarizing myself with Seamus’ story for him to go “yes!! that’s the one I love!! let me at him!!”.

The funny thing is that it just kind of happened but also has a degree of canonicity to it; Granted, Ducktales ‘17 (the canon that got me into the Duckverse) didn’t delve a whole lot on the relationship those two have...but Ducktales ‘87 does and it’s fucking beautiful. 

But I didn’t know that! I was just familiar with the newest canon -exploring the relationship led me to the older canon and I absolutely love it! I love the way the older version of LP is equal parts silly and capable and I try my best to express that nice balance on my interpretation.

And I wouldn’t have found that sweet spot if it hadn’t been for Sav and Seamus!

Pick another character (or the same character if you only have one) and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year?

Oooh man, this is probably going to sound rude of me, but I want someone to call Launchpad out on his shit.

He is a happy-go-lucky man, he is positive, he does think the best of everyone right from the start, he is honest with that, but there’s also a degree of performativity to the way he interacts with people: he is a people pleaser and he’s also someone who avoids problems/confrotation when possible.

That leads to him having a hard time actually voicing what he thinks when things were serious. Launchpad will default to what he thinks is the most noble/the best option even if he actually hates it. He tries his best to be a reliable dude, but that pushes him to his limits every now and then -and he hates it, but will do it anyways.

I’d love for someone to notice that and point out his marthyr complex to him, or how hypocritical he can actually be when noone is looking. 

Jun did an amazing job at that, with the whole Moon Market incident and that is part of why I love his characterization and- I could rant about how Jun and LP are actually similar, yet different, but I won’t.

Someone please bitchslap my idiot son and tell him to be honest with his feelings, maybe get him to confront his feelings of inadequacy, maybe get him to actually face his problems instead of running away from them, kthanxs.

Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it.

I have three threads I absolutely love, each for different reasons:

*Cleanliness is next to... with Jun: Jun called my idiot son out on his ‘noble man’ act. Jun was not impressed with his efforts and pushed him to an actual mini-meltdown because Launchpad didn’t know what to do or say to try and make things better: Launchpad is so used to having his way around people that the moment someone was inmune to all his tricks he...lost it. Big time. And I loved it.

*Untitled with Eilonwy: Both of them clicked instantly and- oh, man, I can’t really express what I feel about it, but:

Launchpad feels an actual, honest, connection to Eilonwy in various ways: both of them are a little bit weird, both of them are learning, both of them were kind of kicked out their comfort zones, both of them love adventure, both of them are fearless (in different ways), but there’s also a curious father-daughter dynamic to them. Eilonwy lacked not only a father figure but also a general actual caring adult one and I guess that’s part of what draws her to LP, while LP is a naturally caring man who also, (betweem the two of us), loves feeling like a good-ish role model instead of the dude people tell you to avoid because he’s an idiot, he loves looking out for people, he loves being understood -and Eilonwy, surprisingly, understands him without even trying. 

They are so very sweet, they just clicked and both of them learn new things with the other: both about themselves and the world. And I love it.    

*Dressed to the nines with Seamus: a.k.a “the one in which Sav let me go absolutely fucking ham”: It began with a chat about the need of gratious fanservice involving Seamus wearing (and getting out of) a suit -but soon became something else thanks to the Halloween task.

We soon got the ball rolling and Black Annis happened in a stupidly organic way (her very modus operandi, I discovered kind of late during the creation, ties way too well with the thread’s title itself and I’ll never get over it), and the mix of terror and action just naturally pushed the rest of the plot into the catharsis Seamus needed after all the stuff he’s been through.

The thread gave us the opportunity to write some mindless comedy, some yearning, some tenderness, plenty of gore, blood, trauma, legit PTSD, then back to tenderness and silliness -while also mentioning and showing a good deal of the things that have made Seamus the man he currently is, with the pretty and the ugly of it.  

I just think it was an amazing character exploration for both Seamus and Lachlann, and I enjoyed every bit of it. I love Sav’s writing, I love Seamus’ characterization, I love how naturally it all evolved, I love how Sav can casually bring something up while plotting and the thing just clicks into place, I love how we just kind of understand where things are going or where we want them to go. Sav’s just amazing at brainstorming and general writing and I feel really, really lucky to have the chance to write with her.

I have no choice but to stan, really.

 And I could go on and on about how the thread pushed both Seamus and Lachlann towards some big character development, but I really don’t want to rant -so I’ll leave it like this.

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.

Gee, that’s a difficult one. I guess my strongest suit as of now would be Launchpad’s voice as a character -and I’m not only talking about dialogue.

I think everyone that has read any of my threads has noticed by now that the flow of the narration is an extension of how Launchpad himself feels and thinks: it’s chaotic and emotional, it can get self-conscious and snarky when he, himself, can’t, it brings some exposition while not breaking the simple, chaotic rythm of Launchpad per-se.

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.

This is way easier for me to pinpoint, hah! I definitely need to work on the length of my posts: I know seeing paragraphs upon paragraphs upon paragraphs can make people tired or make them feel intimidated to interact. 

I also need to work on organizing Launchpad’s chaotic thoughts. The narration does get long-winded and sometimes the progression from point A to point B is way too chaotic -so much so that actually erasing it all would make no impact on the overall narration. 

Pick one of your plots, or even just a character, and come up with a list of 3-5 “mentor texts” where you can look for inspiration or research, then write a short (2-4 sentences) why you picked those texts. 

Not texts per-se, but I think a good way to get a feel of Launchpad’s general vibe is to watch “Top Duck” from Ducktales ‘87 and/or “The Duck Knight Returns” and “Double-o-duck in: You only crash twice”; Those episodes do an amazing job in expressing his insecurities and passions.

Now, leaving the source material behind, I think a book he resonates with is “Oh, the Places You'll Go!” by Dr. Seuss -it’s fun, it’s simple and it has an overall heartwarming message: It kind of captures that sense of wonder, discovery and positivity Launchpad both has and wishes to offer other people. 

Another inspiration of sorts for Launchpad is Ferry’s “Parties are for losers” series: First of all, I’ll admit I’m a sucker for the Strugatsky brothers and СТАЛКЕР, so it’s no surprise I’m in love with Ferry’s interpretation of the story; I see a little bit of LP in KT’s story, but also in Yura’s and, surprisingly, in Olga’s. 

PAFL’s setting is different, yet similar, to the Soviet sci-fi original: it deals with some disenchantment, it’s far from idealistic, it’s rough, but it’s also full of wonder and adventure: there’s big risks, but there’s also a good deal of things that make things, if not better, a little bit less miserable for the characters -and sometimes that something that keeps them going is other’s presence. PAFL is, for me, the inspiration for adventures that aren’t always glamourous, simple, or happy, taken by characters that are far from perfect, that have the odds against them, that carry a whole lot of baggage and, yet, prevail.

And, finally, a last inspiration for Launchpad, my lovable idiot son, comes from probably the place one would expect the least: God of War (2018).

I’m also a sucker for God of War, sue me.  

I know it may seem bizare, but the message of the game just clicks with LP -and before you start wondering how in hell Kratos could possibly inspire Launchpad just let me tell you: he doesn’t. Because it’s not about Kratos I’m refering to when I talk about that story! I’m actually thinking of Mimir!

I love him so much.

Mimir’s role on the game is multifacetic: he brings exposition and ocasional comedic relief, sure, but I see him as the heart of the interactions between Kratos and Atreus (Kratos’ son, for those who may not know). Kratos is emotionally repressed and keeps to himself a lot while Atreus is a bundle of joy, energy, curiosity and someone that doesn’t think ‘because I say so’ is a valid answer to things; Kratos and Atreus clash during the first part of the game even when they love one another in their very particular ways.

In comes Mimir.

Mimir(’s head) joins the party and takes upon himself to act as a bridge between emotional distant father and young naive fearless son and...things start working for the three of them! Kratos starts understanding Atreus! Atreus slowly understands his father’s worries and needs! They begin the story as (almost) complete strangers but by the end they have an actual bond thanks to Mimir’s constant pushing and interventions: Mimir is soft with Atreus but bold with Kratos, the man knows when to joke and throw some riské comments for the chaos of it, but he’s also the first to offer words of comfort and understanding. 

The man becomes part of the family even when he isn’t related to them by blood, even going so far as to give a ‘no, take me instead!’ when presented with the opportunity by a pair of enemies, even when his whole story tells us that he thinks of the idea of dealing with those people (won’t say who, because spoilers) as worse than death -the man hates the mere idea of going back but doesn’t hesitate a second to offer himself as a sacrifice for his new family.

And, damn, that’s what I base my interpretation of Launchpad on. He’s not a part of the family per-se but he constantly acts as a bridge between the youngest and more idealistic parts of it and the jaded, older, tired one; He’s happy to be comedic relief but will also sit and give anyone a pep talk when absolutely necessary -he knows his limitations but keeps trying and offering his best for those he cares about. He tries to be the heart.

I’m emotional about a disembodied head, don’t touch me. Play God of War (2018), it’s fucking amazing.

And now, a wishlist!: 

I’m...actually up for everything and anything, really. I’d love some adventures, but I also love the more mundane interactions, I love the heavier topics but also the silly moments. 

I guess, as I said before, the one thing I’d really love is for someone to push Launchpad to be honest about his feelings. Also a plot about him either considering to or actually flying again -those, however, will happen in due time and I have no rush to make ‘em.

Why do you RP?

Short explanation?: I love writing and reading.

Longer explanation?: I love writing and reading, I love complex characterizations, I love exploring new ideas and seeing how little plot bunnies become full fledged plots and/or character explorations or bring some character development, I love how that creates a domino effect with the rest of the cast. I love to see things happen: I love watching from afar as other’s characters learn lessons, create and conect-

-also, I write and read all day, everyday: that’s my job. I do script revisionism and organizational comunication. During work hours I have to check the flow of words, tones, and overall intentions; I have to do my best to make sure someone’s idea fits the box, but RPing gives me the opportunity to take the box and toss it out of the window. RPing gives me the chance to write freely, to write silly, to be imperfect and not worry about going from A to B or dealing with a checklist or tones, intentions or other’s ideas. 

It’s just freeing. And that’s why I do (and love) it.

[lalahbug]

Taking Notes - Hong Kong x Reader

Fandom: Hetalia Word Count: 1,777

My Masterlist

Warnings/disclaim: general

Author’s Note: Originally posted on DeviantArt, under the same username, on 11/04/2012. Revamped/edit in 2020

___ is a blank for your name/oc/whatever you prefer  Written in 3rd person 

Story under cut

          It was ___’s first day of high school who had just moved into town. The only people she knew were the neighbors, but they were confusing twins named, Alfred and Matthew. They looked alike but were very opposite and Alfred was very noisy, so she liked Matthew better.  

         She was struggling to balance all the books and papers in her hands while trying to read the map of the school to find her first class. ___ didn't really show much emotion to anyone unless she knew them. A blank stare rested across her features as she studied the papers although she was a nervous mess on the inside. She was bumped harshly by someone, knocking her books and papers to the floor and landing her on her butt.  

         "Watch where you're going, newbie!" A football player in his uniform, she assumed to be a senior, since he called her newbie. Then he saw her face and turned on his heel to talk to her. "You know I can forgive you though if give me a kiss." He was honestly trying to flirt with a girl he just knocked onto the floor.  

         She adjusted herself into a sitting position then stared blankly at him.  

         "No, thanks. I do not care if you forgive me or not. I can manage on my own." Her voice was level and her stare chilled him a bit since he didn't reply right away.  

         "I like a girl who speaks her mind." This guy was not going to give up and it was starting to annoy her.  

         "How about you shut up and leave me alone so I can figure out this school's layout?"  

         "How about you let me show you around?"  

         "How about no, dude?" This was a new voice; it was Alfred with a shy Matthew behind him.  

         "Oh, hey there Al, I was trying to be nice to this newbie and she's being totally stuck up."  

         "She's my neighbor so just leave her alone, dude." Al clapped the guy on the back and continued talking with him as Matthew knelt down to help her pick her things.  

         "I saw what was happening, so I got Al’s attention and brought him over. Knowing my brother could get him to stop better than I could." Matthew said in his quiet voice.  

         "How did you figure that out?"  

         "Alfred is the quarterback and the entire football team looks up to him. So, most of them listen to everything he says."  

         "I am glad I know you guys then. I won't have to worry about too many seniors bugging me."  

         "I'm glad I know you too, ____. You're one of the few people who notice me."  

         "Then I can sit with you at lunch?" ___ raised an eyebrow slightly.  

         "Sure thing. Here let me help you get to your first class." He grabbed her schedule off the floor and looked at the first class. "You were almost there." He pointed to the door a few lockers away.  

         "I was looking for my locker so I could dump most of this stuff off."  

         "Let's see." Matthew was scanning the paper and Alfred patted his back.  

         "Just tell me if she needs any more help. I promised mom I'd watch after both of you. I'm heading off to class."  

         Matthew nodded knowing his brother had already left. Then he stood up with half of your stuff and helped you up. "Your locker should just be this way. You also might be able to meet your locker partner."  

         "I didn't even know I would have one."  

         "Some people do, and some people don't. I think on the first day they should show you where your locker is before giving you all of your books. Since you’re coming in the middle of the year, it’s not like a teacher is going to help you with all the freshmen." ___ nodded in agreement, Matt let a small silence fall between them as they walked towards her locker.  

Matthew stopped in front of her locker, opening it for her, then helping her put things into the bottom cubby. ___ was a few inches shorter than the average height, so she figured she'd be shorter than her locker mate.  

         "I believe that is my locker." A monotone voice claimed by a brown shaggy-haired boy.  

         "___ is new, so she’s your new locker mate." The Canadian stepped out of the way so the boy could see you better. "Say hello ____ this is," he paused and looked into the locker and saw the boy’s name at the top "Leon?" He said questioningly. Leon nodded then quickly moved his oversized sleeve to cover the bottom half of his face. "Oh hey, I bet you both have biology together with Mr. Kirkland.” Leon nodded at his statement, confirming it then warning the bell rang. "___, can you follow Leon to the first period?" She nodded. "Okay well, I will see you at lunch if you get lost just call me." With that, he walked towards what she assumed was his class.  

         "Hi, I am ____." Leon didn't reply so you just continued. "Okay then, lead the way."  

         ___ followed Leon, towards the class door Matt pointed out earlier. It sort of bugged her he wouldn’t talk to her even when she tried to directly talk to him. The only reason it was bugging her a bit, is that she thought he was cute. He was about four inches taller than ___, shaggy hair, light brown eyes and he was wearing a huge burgundy duangua with black trim.  

         ___ dismissed all those thoughts once she entered the classroom. Leon went to sit down as she handed a paper to Mr. Kirkland, who greeted her then told her to sit next to Leon.  

         Leon was already sitting down with his arms folded and his head lying on top of his arms, looking away from her seat. Then the late bell rang and a couple of people rushed in. Leon’s heart was pounding still just from seeing ___’s face. She so was beautiful to him and there was no doubt within his mind that he thought such things. His blood had rushed to his cheeks and didn't want anyone to see him blush. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. Images of her face, her pretty eyes, and (h/l) (h/c) hair kept popping into his mind. He groaned to himself slightly then he felt a hand on his shoulder and slightly peeped over his arm to see her.  

         "Good morning class. Say hello to the person sitting next to you and become good friends. Starting today they will be your lab partner, as we get into labs, for the rest of the year. If you have any issues hold them until the end of class and speak to me personally. Now to go over the things you will be learning today and a rundown of the things you'll need for upcoming labs."  

         "Are you feeling okay? If your throat or stomach hurts, I have something for either of them." ___ whispered to Leon as Mr. Kirkland continued to talk, her voice had concern, but her face was a bit blank.  

         "I'm fine," Leon grumbled softly then buried his face into his arms again. He heard some rustling of things then heard a few things being placed in front of him. He looked up again and his stupid blood rushed to his cheek again. There were three cough drops and a small bottle of Tums with a little note. Leon reached forward and opened it.  

          ‘Leon, I guess you don't want to talk to me. I don't believe your fine so take something for it. I have a pharmacy in my bag most of the time. So please just do something about your sickness, ___.’ That's all the small note said, and it made him groan again.  

         'Great now the girl I think is cute is trying to be nice to me and she thinks I am giving her the cold shoulder.' Leon thought to himself then pulled out a pen and wrote back onto the note from her. Then he folded it the way she had and pushed it back to her along with the things you put in front of him.  

         ___ looked at him confused for a second then opened the note. ‘___, I am fine. I am. I have a lot on my mind. Please take back your medicine. Why do you have a pharmacy in your bag?’

         She giggled slightly then stuff the things back into her bag and replied and passed it back.

          ‘People in my family, including me, get sick easy so it's nice to be prepared all the time. Plus, I've thought about becoming a nurse.’  

         Leon passed it back to her. ‘I am sorry you get sick a lot.’ There was a part scratched out heavily, but she could manage to read it. ‘Would you be my nurse?' A blush formed on slightly on her checks and wrote back to it.  

          ‘It's not your fault; sit with me at lunch today?’ Leon blushed more and saw a light scratched out area, making his heart pound. 'Could she somehow read what I scratched?' Then he read the scratched-out part. 'I only take cute patients, so yes.’   

         "Leon, what are you doing?" The teacher, Mr. Kirkland shouted at him.  

Leon's face was flushed but he pulled himself together and looked at Arthur. "Oh, I am just taking notes."  

         "Really now, then you won't mind if I read them?" Arthur had known Leon for a while and figured he was lying.  

         "Yeah sure, here." Leon offered the piece of paper out to Mr. Kirkland.  

         "Never mind, I will talk to you after class."  

        Leon smirked a bit at pissing off Arthur then looked at ___. "Yeah, I'd like to sit with you at lunch."  

         Him speaking directly to her made the blush deepen, she nodded then fold her arms and to bury her head. Leon looked at ___ shocked for a moment then realized she was doing the same as he from earlier.  

         'I have a feeling taking notes in biology will become a big part of my life.' Leon thought to himself and laid his head on his arms. This time he laid his head so he could stare at her. When she peered out of her arms her beautiful (e/c) locked with his light brown ones. They both blushed but neither of them looked away nor said anything. They both could tell that mornings at school might not be all that bad, after all.