#some know its deeply fucked up and just dont care. and those are the worst ones

[galar-abortion-clinic]

🍀🧠🥊🎓 For Jules, Mauly, and Rory! Just curious about these three!

(Jules is getting his own post since someone else asked about him, so stay tuned. Same twat time, same twat channel)

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

Conceptually, both Mauly and Rory are two sides of the same coin. At first I only had Mauly, but I decided to extract a few traits from her and squelch those out into their own character so that her personality wouldn’t feel so totally neutered by incompetence. She’s a little more idealized, whereas Rory is my worst fear of what I could turn out to be, or how other people might perceive me

Mauly is impulsive, brash, self-serving, and arrogant. She’s unapologetically angry, horny, and human. Rory is all of those things, but deeply insecure and constantly overcompensating. He’s pathetic and he makes me sick. Basically he boils down to “sid vicious if he were a bit less of a dick, purely because he’s subdued by cowardice”

Design-wise? Kalos’ rendition of the Punk Guy/Girl trainer class, man. I fell in love instantly. Also this one specific tank girl page:

Good shit

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

Mauly takes no shit. Sure, that might mean she leaves a bad taste in some people’s mouths, but she knows when she deserves to be treated better. Something I’ve always struggled with has been not standing up for myself because I’m worried it’ll hurt or inconvenience other people. Mauly says fuck those other people, It’s not my job to accommodate anyone else’s existence by minimizing my own. Her whole arc is about self-acceptance through ambivalence. “Even if i don’t love myself, i can’t change who I am. You’re not going to change me either, and you look stupid for trying”

Rory’s best use to me is catharsis. I’ve shoved all the shit I hate about myself into this guy and exaggerated it by queefzillion, and it feels reassuring to see him being knocked down a peg for behaving like a little wart. It also feels kind of nice when he still manages to find occasional kindness in spite of his many, many glaringly hideous flaws.

🥊 - What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

Mauly was one of those kids who every adult in her life would describe as “so creative” and “a free spirit”, which is actually grown-up code for “this poor bastard’s gonna be a starving artist and we’re hiding our disappointment”. If she had the means to create more often, she’d have a lot of fun honing her craft and fully leaning into art as an outlet for her angst

Because she’s so hands-on and skilled at improvised patching and the like, she often gets stuck with repair responsibilities by the other schmucks she lives with. She doesn’t mind slapping duct tape over stuff several times over or whacking things with a hammer til it fits right, she just would prefer not being assigned that job by other people. Never tell her what to do

Rory’s nimble fingers don’t only make him a passable thief, but also a possibly-not-the-worst musician. He’s never played for anyone else, which might be why he kinda sucks, but it’s one of the few things he keeps to himself instead of bloating to give his delicate ego some padding. His songbook is loaded with edgy cringe, but its the sort of raw soul-bearing stuff that reminds you there’s a person in there. Not a great person, but a person

Anyway something he hates doing is uhhhhhh giving to charity,

🎓- How long have you had the OC?

Mauly’s been around ffffforrrrrr i wanna say maybe two years now? For a long time she was just an idea in my head, i didn’t wanna touch that idea til i knew exactly what i wanted to do with it

Rory’s my freshest OC, only been around for like a month. Not even. Could still use some fine tuning

Bonus: some VERY rough first drafts of Mauly that’re a little closer to the source material (excuse the positively grimy state of the paper, i dont take very good care of my sketchbooks)

[alec-1016]

hi, this is a sleep-drunk vent session. pls feel free to ignore

cw: childhood.(idk, its not trauma, but it wasnt pleasant), internalized ableism, internalized transphobia, internalized misogyny, depression, anxiety, mentions of ed, sh and su1cide

also spelling errors

so, i just wanna vent abt liking shit. i grew up in a very privileged house, w both my parents being uni professors, so it was a very...intellectual house

i also grew up autistic. i was very often praised for being "good", quiet, smart, speaking in words too advanced for my age, reading and writing abovd my grade level, etc. so it kinda became "obvious" that i would become intellectually inclined, like my parents and older sisters

oh yeah, there is an eleven year age gap between me and my older sister, and a fourteen year gap begween me and my oldest sister. i grew up with adults.

there were barely any chdren for me to play w outside of school, so i decided i was better off alone. i read, drew, madr up complex imaginary scenarios in my head. i also tried to listen in and even participate in the adults discussions, and that also got me praise. i have always been a people pleaser.

so after i grew a bit, by like, middle school, i thiught i couldnt like kids things anymore. but i ciuldnt like teen things either bc i wasnt old enough for that. so i didnt really like stuff. i hid my special interests(harry p*tter🤢🤢 and riordanverse, mostly) from basically everyone, and threw myself into school

i have had anxiety ever since i can remember, and some symptoms of depression presented as early as 11. i have a cousin that is also deeply depressed, and that has been throigh roigher patchrs than i have. i always saw her as kinda my reslomsability, bc i was "well" and she wasnt. well, bc of all that, she loved to make fum of me. her parents used to unintentionally put us against each other and compare us, bc i wad the golden child and she was FUCKING DEPRESSED AND DIDNT LIKE SCHOOL BC PPL KEPT BULLYING HER AND COMPARING HER TO ME.

she made fun of everything i liked, and sometimes i even discovered that she liked the stuff too, she just wanted to seem batter than me in something. which i got at the time, and still get, but it fucking hurt and it made me fearful of ever liking things, in fear of being made fun of

which takes me to another place: school. i was made fun of for basically everything, and i just recently realized i was bullied for my autistic traits: not getting jokes and sarcasm, speaking differently, being too nerdy, too shy, too stupid, too slow, too much. i was always too much and never enough at the same time, never enough for ppm to like me

dont get me wrong i had friends. some amazing ppl that i still hold dear, some not so much. but it was hard knowing most of my class didnt care for me.

i also went through a "not like other girls" phase, where i thought if i liked boybands, tvshows, celebrities, gossip, etc, i was the most vain and uninteresting human being to ever exist, and no one would like me. so i forced myself to walk away. i didnt have a boyband phase or a tv show i binged untill i was 14/15, bc i didnt let myself get invested. i thought only "interesting, non basic" " girls" got to live their romances that i always dreamed of.

i got really hooked on shadowhunters through 2019 and 2020, even attended an online con that i almost didnt tell my mom abaout because i was so ashamed and scardd of being seen as...a kid, that i was(am). i didnt want to be immature enough to invest myself on celebrity gossip and tv shows. i was supposed to study, maybe read some ya books, but mostly classics.

throught he pandemic i got hit with some of my worst depressive episodes, suicidal thoughts, body dysmorphia, disordered eating, anxiety and gender dyphoria. and guilt for feeling all of those while being in a very orivileged situation.

so i turned inwards, like i always did, eps when things got difficult. i read and re-read so many books, binge watched tv shows, barely talked to anyone outside of class. i started letting myself like things, but still felt guilty at every turn, which fueled all of my worst instincts

i still feel guilty for liking "stupid" things. for liking tv shows and thirsting over characters and rereading books and following popular creators. i dont wanna lose the label of "smart" that i always thought was my best quality.

i still try no to show i like things, recently ive been hyperfixated on titans, esp. brenton thwaites and dick grayson bc i am a massive bisexual w a massive crush. and i wanna fo something that i always try to do when i like/obsess with an actor: watch as much of their fulms as i can. even if they are bad. even if they had the budged of 5 dollars plus a camera. i dont care. but i feel so fucking stupid for not caring bc it shouldnt be some pretty face that draws me to a film

it should be the photography(which i absolutely love, btw) or the theme, or the director or whatever it is film buffs use to pick movies. this is where the internalized transphobia and misogyny come in at full force: society doesnt let teenage girls get away with liking anything w/o being made fun of. they are called obsessed, crazy, stalkers, vain, stupid, dumb,etc. and i feel like i am. that is the worst.its as if i agree w all those horrivle things ppl say abt girls and liking things, and it makes me dysphoric. it is so weird how this abstract conceot of being seen as a vain stuoid teen girl can make me feel bad abt my identity.

(btw girls who like stuff. yall are the backbone of yhis site, you are smart, creative, funny, and i lovs you with all my heart)

i also realized i dont know how to a man in fandom.how to be a fanboy and not a fangirl. is it any different? do i have to be more closed off? do i have to speak less? was i actually right to shut up abt my interests this whole time? is that part of the masculine in me? if so, why does it hurt so much, when being masc in every other way feels soo good, so freeing?

this is much longer than it was intended or ever needed to be, and yet it covers like, half of my psychological issues lol.

this is me trying to give myself permussion to watch other works w brenton thwaites lol

if you relate in ny way shaoe or form to this, i am sorry, i love you, and you are allowed to like things.

[magnoliamyrrh]

im so glad ive been taught to ride by people who respected and loved and understood horses bc. even in the non-elite equestrian world abuse is way too normalized, Especially when it comes to horses used for riding lessons (and especially in those places that are less professional, more abt the money, or touristy). the amount of times ive come across clearly exhausted & overworked horses, malnutritioned horses, those too old to still b working almost daily, those who were clearly lame or had some physical discomfort being ignored, saddle sores.... warranted bad attitudes or just outright depressed-like states bc they were overworked and constantly dealing with bad, unknowing new rides who are allowed to pull and jab and whip them and barely taught how to ""ride."" and ive seen plenty of outright bad or dangerous "horsemenship" from owners or teachers or employees

like it truly is disgusting seeing how some ppl pull on their horses bits as if theyre not sharp metal in the horses very sensitive mouth. the reins and the bit should be a gentle, back-and-forth communication btw rider and horse for gods sake. and then you see these poor creatures, clearly working out of fear, not out of wanting to please or joy, with their tongue sticking out, salivating, their head so drawn back and pulled it makes me wanna do the same to the rides to see how the hell theyd like it. and jfc, the way some people smack their horses, overwork their horses, get mad at the horses for things that are Their fault. its just cruel,,,, the damn way some people talk abt their horses too is just 🤮 a horse is not a thing or object or entertainment to be used, to be expired, to be broken in, it is a life and a soul and frankly, working together with a horse is an honor & privilege i dont think you should have if you think that way

its gross too because it is excused as "this is how we train them" or "tradition" etc etc "weve always done it this way it works" and "the stallion/mare has an attitude" but its all damn unnecessary. you can train a horse to ride competely without a bit!! something id like to do if i ever have a horse. and you can most, most certainly 100% train a horse gently, compassionately, without beating or scaring them half to death, to understand suddle cues in change in seat pressure & gentle tugs on the reins. and use soft bits. and not only can you, its the right way for it to be done. even more complicated things like "dancing" or dressage can be taught gently without cruelty, if the horse is willing. absolutely none of the horrible ways humans go abt horsemanship is necessary or unavoidable - and if some parts of it cant be done without the cruelty, then those parts shouldn't exist

.....idk its just. this is part of the bigger issue of the lack of respect we tend to have for animals and how we view many of our interactions with them in terms of using them :// horses are terrifying, beautiful, 500 kg + towering, highly intelligent and empathetic creatures covered in muscles which stand on 4 sharp toenails. and they have teeth. can most certainly outrun you. and they could easily give you a very painful death, if they wanted. but instead theyre usually nice and lovely creatures, and they can be wonderful friends and helpers, and they deserve a high level of respect & honor, not to b used & abused & given no agency so someone can make money or feel good about themselves bc they have power over another being.

[moonxbabe]

vinnie hacker smut - take it out on me -

hi readers - this was another request I had, not my best work and also pretty short so I apologize but hope you like it - also - this story has a bit of that cigarette incident with Vinnie, but I do NOT care that he smokes, sadly I find it attractive (I know, I'm the worst) but anyway Its just a story.

warning: smut 18+

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Vinnie groans exiting his now stalled car on the side of the road. He slams the door closed causing Jett to jump as he gets out as well. 

“Let me make some calls so someone can come out here and get us, dont stress,” Jett assures him as best as he can but he already knows Vinnies had a rough day and there's only so much he can say to make it better. 

Vinnie moves both his hands to the back of his neck holding it tightly pacing by the front of the car ignoring Jetts attempt at comfort. He pulls out his phone and opens your text thread typing. 

Vinnie: I'm having the worst day. 

You read his text and sigh knowing it was coming. A few hours ago Tik Tok room also blew up a post at their weekly attempt to “Cancel Vinnie Hacker” along with his meeting regarding the boxing match that he never got paid for. Things just weren't going his way today and when that happens he falls deep into the dark. 

You: Come over?

Vinnie: I'm stuck on the side of the road. I don't even want to talk about it. I'm turning my phone off. 

You read his text and slightly frowned. You knew he was in a bad mood but you hated when he pushed you away and wouldn't even let you help. You decided to grab your things and go to the Hype House to wait for him to get back. 

                                                       ---------

Vinnie storms into his bedroom slamming the room shut startling you as you sit on his bed slowly closing your laptop. He turns around and slams his first against the back of the door leaning his head against it for a moment before turning around to press his back to it and slides down taking his head in his hands. 

“Hey hey, let's breathe for a second?” You say softly approaching him, getting down to sit in front of him. You touch his arms gently stroking them softly with your thumbs. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,” He finally responds after a few moments and sighs, leaning his head back against the door. He takes one of your hands and squeezes it softly, intertwining your fingers. 

“You didn't, I'm just worried about you,” You brought his hand up to kiss it softly. He closes his eyes for a minute before opening them.

“I'm just tired, tired of everything,” He lets go of your hand and slowly gets up “I need a cigarette” He walks over to his dresser pulling out the box. 

“Vinnie,” you say with a warning as he pulls one out of the box and attempts to find a lighter. 

“Don't start with me, y/n. I'm not in the mood,” He doesn't bother to look at you as he continues to search for the lighter. 

“I promised your mom that I’d make sure you didn't smoke anymore,” you walked over to him annoyed and attempted to take the cigarette out of his mouth. 

“You really think I care about the promise you made to my mom right now, y/n? I don't give a fuck,” He grabs your arms, slightly pushing them away. You frown at his reaction.

“Okay but I don't want you to do it,” you hold back tears as he tries to walk past you but you hold him. He doesn't say anything but attempts his best to avoid eye contact. He knew he was hurting you but he was hurting himself and the battle within him was strong. 

“Stop,” you grab his face with both your hands using your thumbs to stroke his cheeks softly before using one hand to tuck some of his curls away “I know you're hurting right now, but-- but-- this isn't going to help,” you search his face for a moment as he still doesn't look at you, you take a moment before saying anything else “Take it out on me, let me make you feel good,” you say quietly waiting for him to say something, anything. His eyes linger for a moment before finally looking into yours causing your body to somewhat relax. 

He still doesn't say a word, but moves his hand up to grab your neck slightly pulling you closer, his lips crashing onto your kissing you hungerly not wasting a second. He groans softly as you suck at his bottom lip sliding your tongue into his mouth. He moves his other hand deep into your hair, gripping it pulling you even closer to him, you can almost taste his pain. He bites at your bottom lip tugging at it before pulling away to take your hand leading you to the bed. 

“Knees, now.” He says sternly as you nod and get down onto your knees looking up at him. He started to undo his jeans, pushing them down along with his tight boxers freeing his hardness. You bite the inside of your cheek in anticipation as he nods looking down at you giving you permission. He sits at the edge of the bed as you get closer in between his legs. 

You take his dick in your hands stroking it, causing him to let out a soft groan before leaning in closer and slowly taking it into your mouth. His hand quickly finds its way deep into your hair once more grabbing it as he lets out another groan at the feeling. You begin to bob your head up and down his length, allowing your tongue to roam all over before pulling up and using it to gently lick his tip a few times.

“Fuck baby, so good” He moans gripping your hair tighter as he watches you work. Your mouth slides over his dick again, taking in as much as you can using your hands to stroke the rest.

“Be a good girl and take it all,” He groans and pushes your head further down on his cock causing you to slightly gag but you continue as tears form in your eyes. Your hand strokes his balls as your tongue proceeds to lick all over. You begin to feel his dick twitch in your mouth as you slightly hum sending vibrations along it. 

“I'm so close baby, don't stop,” He moans softly, stroking your hair as you keep bobbing your head faster taking him all in as his tip hits the back of your throat. His hips buckle up as he grips your hair once more pulling your head back, you continue to stroke him as your mouth remains open, sticking your tongue out ready for his load. He shuts his eyes and lets out a loud grunt cumming into your mouth as you lick your lips and swallow. 

“My good fucking girl,” He says in a husky tone and wipes off remaining cum from your lips with his thumb shoving it into your mouth, his eyes locked on yours as you suck it clean. His hand slides down to grab your neck again pulling you close. 

“Open,” He says and without hesitation you open your mouth as he leans in to spit in it. You swallow as a slight grin appears on his face, he pulls you in kissing you hard. 

“Such a good little slut for daddy huh?” You slightly bit your lower lip and nod. 

“Do we think she deserves a reward?” His hand slides up to grab your jaw as you both don't break eye contact. 

“Yes daddy,” you almost whine and nod once more. He studies you for a moment before nodding.

“Get up, lay down,” He pats at the edge of the bed, you do as he says and wait for him as he pulls off his tshirt leaving himself completely naked aside from his silver chains around his neck. You bit your lip at the view of him wanting him deep inside you. You press your thighs together but he's quick to push them apart, grabbing the edge of your shorts, pulling them down and throwing them off to the side. 

“Those look so good on you,” He licks his lips at your black lace thong “But sadly they have to come off,” He rips them off tossing them as well. 

“Vinnie I just b--!” you attempt to say but get cut off by his warning look shutting you up. He leans over moving his hand to your neck once more pulling you in to kiss you deeply as his other hand cups your pussy causing you to slightly moan into the kiss. 

He slides two fingers in between your folds feeling your wetness and pulls away to groan softly against your lips. 

“Look at you, so wet for me and I’ve barely touched you,” He rubs your clit causing you to moan once more as your back slightly arches off the bed. He slowly enters two fingers into you pumping them in and out at a steady pace. 

“Vinnie,” you bit your lower lip moving your hand down to grip his. 

“I want to taste you,” He said in a husky tone, getting down pushing your legs even more apart and replacing his thumb on your clit with his tongue sucking at it. 

“Oh my-- don't stop” your hand moved to grip his hair pushing him further in, your eyes rolled back at the pleasure as his fingers continued to work in and out of you at a fast pace. 

“Cum for daddy,” He whispered against your heat before letting his tongue trailed up and down causing your legs to shake. You felt your walls begin to clench around his fingers as he suddenly curled them hitting your g-spot,  you tried to push his head away from the overwhelming pleasure but he didn't budge. 

“V-Vin, I'm about to cum” you moaned loudly gripping his curls harder as your climax took over. He slowly pulled his fingers out, licking them all over as he leaned back down to lick you clean. You groaned softly, closing your legs still sensitive from your over stimulation. 

“Delicious,” He said quietly before leaning over kissing your lips softly. Your eyes fluttered tired from your high. Before you knew it you were flipped over on your stomach and he was behind you.

“Ass up baby,” He growled, giving your behind a hard slap, causing you to wince but you followed his orders quickly. You got on all four as he positioned himself behind you. One hand gripped your hip as the other slid up your back to the back of your neck pushing it down into the bed. 

“I said ass,” He ordered once more as you nodded. Your cheek pressed to the bed sheets as you bit your lower lip nervous but also excited. You liked it when he played rough, but he was also in a bad mood today so you didn't know what to expect. Before you could even have another thought he slammed into you hard causing you to scream gripping the sheets next to you. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight” He groaned at the feeling as he thrusted in and out of you at a fast and hard pace as his anger got the best out of him. It hurt but you tried your best to keep it together in hopes it would get better. Your teeth sunk harder into your bottom lip as your eyes shut feeling him deep inside you as he kept going with no remorse. 

“Vin, slow down” You mumbled moving your hand behind you pushing him back a bit. He grabbed your hand and moved it down to press it above your head into the bed. 

“Take it like the good little slut you are,” His voice husky as he leaned in to growl in your ear, holding your hand in place for a few moments before moving it in between the both of you to slowly rub your clit. His thrusts slowed down a bit but remained just as hard causing you to moan. He rubbed your clit harder as his other hand gripped tightly at your hip keeping a good rhythm going. 

“Yes, yes right there,” you moaned loudly at the feeling as your eyes rolled back, your hips meeting his with every thrust. You could feel his dick in your stomach from how deep he was.

“There she is,” you could hear the smirk in his voice as he picked up his pace again. The room filled with skin slapping skin noises as he watched himself slide in and out of you. His hand on your hip slid up your back once more reaching your hair and grabbing it all together tugging at it. It hurt but in the best way. You could feel your climax coming as you turned into a moaning mess. 

“You feel so good baby, I love the way your pussy feels around my dick,” He groaned as his words sent chills down your spine causing your legs to shake. He leaned his head back before lifting his leg up fucking into you hard from a different angle finding your g-spot once again. 

“Holy shit, Vin,” you cried in pleasure as you felt your walls begin to clench around his dick. “I'm about to cum,” 

“Hold it,” He demanded and kept going, wanting to climax at the same time. Your body was shaking uncontrollably as you gripped the sheets tighter. His hand on your clit not moving driving you insane.

“I'm close, don't you dare cum” He groaned as you felt his dick twitch inside of you, feeling like you were ready to explode. 

“Vinnie,” you moaned loudly as he moved his hand shoving you into the bed getting in a few more thrusts.

“Cum baby,” He moaned, stiffening inside you as you immediately came all over his dick. You both rode out your highs as he slowly pulled out of you grabbing a towel to clean you up as you laid there tired and breathless. 

After throwing the towel in his basket he walked back over to the bed as you turned over on your back grabbing a blanket to cover yourself. He laid next to you putting his arm around you pulling you to him as you both stayed silent for a few minutes. 

“Was it too much for you?” He said quietly looking down at you as you hugged into his chest. He felt guilty for taking it out on you.

“No, im fine Vin” you nodded and looked up reassuring him. He gave you a slight smile kissing your forehead. 

“I'm sorry about earlier,” He sighed, “I shouldn't have shoved you like that or said what I said,” He leaned his head back against the headboard. 

“It's okay, I know you're having a rough time right now, I just wish you’d talk to me instead of shut me out,” you looked up at him and placed a hand on his cheek stroking it softly with your thumb, he leaned into it closing his eyes for a moment before nodding. 

“I know, its stupid of me, I just get too deep into myself sometimes,” His eyes fluttered open as he reached for your hand placing his over it before taking it and kissing the inside of your palm. 

“I love you, thank you for caring for me and still sticking around even though I can be a shit boyfriend,” He held your hand tightly.

“You don't need to say that and you are not a shit boyfriend Vin, I care because I love you and want you to be happy” you kissed his bare chest as he held onto you tightly. 

“You make me happy, only you” He leans in to kiss you softly as you kiss him back smiling. 

                                                          -------------

feedback is always appreciated <3

[srjlvr]

YOURS, CLASS PREZ !! // yellow tulips and heartbreaks

for those who dont know what yellow tulip symbols : The sunny yellow can represent friendship, but it can also represent a one-sided love. The modern interpretation translates the bright color into happiness and sunshine, perfect for light, festive bouquets. Past interpretations mean an unrequited love.

Sunoo decided today is finally the day he was going to confess to you, he was scared and nervous, he has been doubting about your feelings ever since he did what he did in the day of the competition. Something didn’t seem right to him.

As soon as he talked about Jungwon back then, you ran away and went to search for Jungwon, even if it was because your blood was boiling because of him. You would usually stay and hear what Sunoo has to say to you, but this time you were gone three seconds after you heard his name, claiming that you need answers but it was already obvious that you were just hoping everything was a lie.

Before he made his way to school, he stopped by a flower shop, he asked one of the workers to help him pick a beautiful flower bouquet, for someone he loves. She brought him the yellow tulips bouquet, she explained that the current interpretation explains those flowers mean happiness, hope and cheerful thoughts, but you can never forget about the past interpretation, can you?

Sunoo cheerfully held the bouquet and sniffed it, “They smell great, i hope yn will like them” He smiled and walked his way to school.

He found himself breathing heavily before passing the school gates you can do it kim sunoo.

Tightly holding the bouquet, he entered the school yard and roamed his eyes around, when he saw your backpack at your favorite place, he happily skipped his way to you.

He stopped a few steps before, dropping the lovely bouquet that was meant to be given to you and with the fallen bouquet, a few tears started to fall while glancing deeply at you from a bit far in disbelief,

You were kissing Yang Jungwon in front of him, again.

“This cant be happening again, please tell me its a dream” He closed his eyes, his tears falling down unwillingly. Why is this happening again? Why do i have to see that again? while standing a few steps from you and jungwon, sunoo couldn’t help but to burst into tears and run away from the place.

You broke Sunoo’s heart, for the second time, by kissing the same person in front of him. Sunoo was so certain about this time but prepared himself for the worst as well, if he was so prepared then why does the tears never stop falling? This time it was different, Sunoo knew that he can’t change your feelings anymore, you already like jungwon and nothing can instantly change it. It left no hope for Sunoo, you left no hope for Sunoo.

Before he could fully run away from school, riki caught him again. “Sunoo hyung, are you okay?” Riki worriedly asked the older one. Sunoo quickly hugged riki and broke into much more tears, without even letting out a word to the younger. “Come on hyung, let’s get you cleaned up” It wasn’t the first time Riki said that to Sunoo, and it pained him to see his hyung crying once again, because of the same person.

“It’s going to be okay, you’re going to find someone who’s going to love you no matter what, give it some time, i’m sure everything is going to be okay” Riki wiped Sunoo’s tears and gave him an assuring smile. It made Sunoo feel a bit better knowing that Riki cares about him a lot and returned the smile gladly.

You, on the other hand were having a deep conversation with Jungwon, right after he kissed you. “What did you do that for?” You asked, still trying to sound pissed off.

“I like you park yn,” He took a deep breath and continued, “I’ve liked you for a quite time now and i’m sorry for lying to Sunoo and ruining your chance and i know i’ve fucked up multiple times and i’m an awful person but please,” He held your hand, “Please don’t hate me, i was being too selfish for lying and ruining everything because i wanted you to be mine. I really, really like you”

“Yang Jungwon,” You removed his hands that were holding yours, “It’s fine i guess, i don’t hate you, i’m just angry at you for ruining all my chances to get a nice and drama-less love life, although i might say it’s kind of entertaining” You giggled, “I’m afraid i’m going to have to back away for a bit, my feelings to you are kind of mutual” You confusedly said, “I still haven’t figured my feelings yet,” you paused, “But i think that staying away from each other for awhile would be great” You pat his shoulder and walked away, leaving him behind.

“Did she just say her feelings are kind of mutual?” He excitedly said with a half broken heart and excited expression. He cheerly smiled and put his backpack on, happily making his way to his first class of the day.

NOTES: this ep was planned a while before and i’ve had a shitty day today so it all made out!!! i write angst the best when im feeling sad so we should thank the people who made me feel unhappy!1!1!1!1!

TAGLIST (is open!): @enhacolor @luvryuj1n @deafeningballoonnacho @lovienikitty @notrosemary @fairycheol @harperwasstaken1 @icywhatim @lil-iva @love-4-keum @anotherimaginesaccount @i4cho @nakolvr @tlnyjoong @hiqhkey @theboyzrightherex @pr0dbeomgyu @randomness7198 @shyugahh @wonamore @jayeonnature @rrvvby @butterflyy-ningg @brokeprimogems @ritsusakumasgf @yerilv @rionah @hyeunfae @hoonieswrld @wonhrs @jiawji @tomorrowbymoa-together @cupidrwm @acaisahi @she-is-dreaming @kange3939 @enhasengene

SYNOPSIS: In which the school’s top students, also known as the biggest class presidents of their own class and rivals, has to work on a huge project for their school and compete in a national competition……all together?!?

☆ ★ // previous — m.list — next

[cappymightwrite]

How can you not understand sansa's plot in the books? kshdhsjs dont you fucking know how to read or what? its really simple, she is not a fucking important character and you are just mad bc you know she would never be queen. thats why your little brain decided to not understand it.

You know, I think it's interesting how your insistence that I don't know how to read, I don't know Sansa's plot, etc., is packaged in this tone and language that completely reveals your own anger and frustration, your own feelings of being threatened, or innconvienced by ideas that don't adhere to your own. Bestie, how thin-skinned are you? You mention that "[I'm] just mad" because I counterintuitively don't actually believe what I profess to believe? But you're the one yelling in my inbox. And that sensitivity is further emphasised by the fact you've sent this anonymously, that shield to real accountability, where you can afford to speak rudely and condescendingly. But anon, the outcome isn't the gut punch fuck you you think it is. I didn't read this and feel cowed by your words, if anything I laughed, and then felt... almost pity because although you have the gall to send anon hate, you seemingly have no confidence in your own interpretation of the text, you're own assertion that Sansa "is not a fucking important character." Because if you did, you wouldn't behave this way, because you would have the composure and assurededness to sit back and think, well, they'll all see I'm right in the end. But you didn't do that did you? No, instead you decided cowardly anon messages that highlight your easily irritated demeanor and immaturity were the way to go.

Also, can we just for one second take a step back and analyse what this insistence that Sansa "is not a fucking important character" by (perhaps unintended) extension really suggests about GRRM as a writer? The insistence from some that she's not important, she's just a side character, she was only introduced as a foil to other characters, she'll never make it north, her arc is purely to become less vain by marrying an ugly man etc, is all deeply reliant upon a reading that only emcompasses AGOT, at best, and your own biases of what you want to be true for your faves, at worst. Because really, I think it's actually insulting to GRRM's skill as a writer to say that Sansa is a nothing character essentially, not compelling enough, not destined for any kind of influence, not going to have any impact on the wider plot etc. To that I'd say, well why is she a character then, what is her function in the story beyond just a narrow sphere of influence? And you might respond to that with, well quite, she should have been killed off books ago! But do you know what that implies about the writing as a whole? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in these characters I think we forget... they are fictional characters, someone is writing them, and within a larger, interconnected plot, and connected to a wider narrative ethos.

You're saying GRRM, an incredibly meticulous writer, has included a pov, there since book 1, that ultimately will have no great impact upon the wider story and characters, which is what a postion of power in the north would be. God, how limiting is that in terms of narrative! You talk about "little brains" but yours seemingly refuses to allow for anything that, in your own words, isn't "simple", and therefore arguably pretty reductive and quite boring. Possibly you don't care if GRRM's adeptness at character arcs and subversive writing falls away in the case of Sansa, as long as that means he writes something postive for your fave elsewhere. Which again, is a very limited approach to reading this series as a whole. Frankly, too many people read ASOIAF, yourself included anon, as separate plotlines which you can pick and choose from, dismissing those that you deem uncompelling as therefore unimportant. It's all important. Particularly those who have been POVs from the beginning.

But anyway, to conclude... I think my first in English Lit and the fact I'm on a Masters programme for a humanities subject has assured me, if I ever had a doubt, that I do in fact know how to read and understand texts, but more than that, I know how to analyse and think critically. It's you I would be concerned about anon, if I deigned to think of you at all beyond this interaction. So, go outside and touch some grass, and while you're at it, think about what impression you give off as an individual when you send anon hate like this, because I guarentee to you, it's not the content of your message that takes centre stage here... it's your own cowardice and immaturity.

Finally, a word of warning, if I get a repeat of your earlier display I will most likely delete and block. At the end of the day, despite these instances where we clearly disagree, I respect your right to think (very) differently about this book series and its characters, so be an adult, learn some accountability, and do the same.

[miyaniacs]

The One Night Stand pt.2

Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader / Satoru Gojo x fem!reader

Part 1 ; Part 3

A/n: I AM SO OVERWHELME. Thank you for all the reblogs, i know around 10 aren’t that much but for me they really are especially in about just a day. I can’t express how thankful i am, your positive feedback is the reason why i already wrote the part 2. I do kinda plan to make a pt 3 too Haha. I‘m always open for any kind of feedback and my dm‘s / ask is also always open if any of you want to thirst or just talk haha.

Warnings: NSFW, mentions of alcohol and a blackout (nothing illegal happened!), public sex & fingering, Toji being the best dad ever (not). and typos, i was just too lazy to read through this mess lol probs going to correct it tomorrow.

Characters: Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader , Satoru Gojo x fem!reader

Form: oneshot / short story

“Ohhh that’s why you moaned his name last night.” Tojo whispers in your ear.

Shocked you turn around and look at him, your mouth wide open.

“Careful, you don’t want the others to notice anything, do you?” He smirks. Quickly your trying to act normal again, but your mind is racing.

You did not do this.

No.

Never.

NEVER EVER.

You got drunk last night to get over the fact that Gojo was sleeping over at some random girls place.

You got drunk last night to get those thoughts out of your mind.

You got drunk last night to get over the fact that you are in love with your best friend.

And you hooked up with Toji last night to convince yourself that you don’t have any feeling for Gojo.

You simply couldn’t moan Gojos name.

That would mean that he was still present in yours thoughts.

While some other guy was fucking you.

This is bad.

This is sooo bad.

Especially since you knew that Gojo only sees you as a best friend... a best friend without the benefits.

Yeah yeah, sure how should you know if he only sees you in this way.

You two are always flirting...

But this is just an act.. a game.. you are both pretty flirty- it’s just natural.

Also ... we’re talking about Gojo,..., one of the biggest hoes you knew. If he was slightly interested in you, he’d already made a move on you.

“Hey Y/n, care to finally tell us what happened last night?” Nobara asks and you snap out of the conversation you were having with yourself in your mind.

“Oh yes pleaseeeeeee tell us all the details.” Gojo coos and earns a warning glare from you.

“Come one, y’all aren’t young enough to not piece one and one together and figure out what she was up to last night.” Toji laughs.

“We know that she has one ... or more than one.. Hickey on her neck.. BUT WHO?” Nobara reply’s  and looks at you with a smirk.

“You really think I remember his name?” You laugh, “ I woke up in his flat and then went straight out of it. All I know is, that it wasn’t worth the hickeys.” You joke.

“Oh so your hungover ass, still remembers how bad he was in bed?” Gojo teases and throws a quick glance at Toji, signaling him that he knows.

“Definitely... worst fuck I ever had, I truly doubt i came even once.” You sneer.

“Well... at least you learned your lesson now. Don’t get drunk and fuck a stranger.” Nanami sighs. “Kids, learn from her. Don’t make the same mistakes.” He looks over at the Yuji, Nobara and Megumi.

“Yes, I wouldn’t say that, for me it always went well... but that could also be because I’m just good ... at everything.” Gojo winks, “Y/n just sadly got a guy that ... didn’t knew who to ... please a women.” He says with an arrogant smirk.

“Oh really, was it that bad Y/n?” You feel a hand on your thigh, squeezing it.

“Uhm... I mean, I can’t really remember it..” you stutter, feeling Toji hand move up on your thigh.

“Well.. we should switch the topic now.” Nanami caught and shots us a glare, meanwhile Tojo whispers: ”You should be able to remember this morning right? Or do I need to show it to you again tonight.” His hand moves under the hem of your skirt. You bit the inside of your cheek, trying your best to not let any unwanted sound escape your lips. The only person that could see what’s happening under the table right now was Gojo, but it looks like he didn’t notice it.

You feel Toji’s long fingers brush over your panties, giving you some slow stokes before he decides to settling his fingers right over your clit, drawing random shapes and giving it some light pinches.

“Your fucking son sits across from us.” You hiss at him and grab his hand, trying to stop him.

“Then better be quiet.” He smirks and pinches your clit hard, truly unaffected by your hand... to be honest, you don’t really try to remove his hand... and he knows you’re enjoying this.

The muscles on your inner thighs tense and you bite your cheek even harder.

You’re close and he knows it, it’s not hard to know, judging by how wet your panties are.

You look around trying to see any glimpse of suspiciousness form one of the others on the table, but everyone is having a full hearted conversation, hell even Toji is joking around with Megumi right now. How is he able to act this way, while your sitting here struggling to make a some sort of decent conversation with Nobara.

“Ok girly look. I - I tell you, this one dress would be perfect for you.” You say and force a smile.

“But I already know that it will be sold out, when I’m able to go to the store.” She whines.

“Then... How about we  go tomorrow after practice? I’m sure Gojo doesn’t have a problem with that, right, G- GOJO.” His name left your lips waaay too loud. But what were you supposed to do, when Toji suddenly puts three of his fingers inside of you, curling them at just the right spot.

“Again... wrong name babygirl.” Toji whispers.

“I can hear you, you don’t have to scream.” Gojo says annoyed.

Gojo‘s POV

Do they really think I don’t notice. I‘m just trying to be nice to Megumi. That’s the only reason I don’t say anything... I just want to save him from the realization that Y/n, the women he adores, was fucking his dad. Or most likely he‘s fucking her right now.

The audacity.

And that she is letting him doing it???

I thought higher of her.

... wait what am I thinking.

Why should I shame her, for doing something I already did ... but why is she doing it with him... and not with me.

I want to make her squirm just by my touch, teasing her in public... even before tonight I was sure that she‘d like that. I know her ... I know her better than this old fucker does.

My hand clenched around the glass of my drink.

Concentrate on the conversation Yuji and Nanami have.

Stop focusing on the soft sloppy sounds coming from beside you.

Stop focusing on the way her legs shake... how the fabric of her skirt lifts up and down... how her hand grabs my arm... wait what?

Why is she grabbing my arm?

Your POV

You feel your climax Coming  closer and closer.

Your eyes roll to the back, your eyelids flutter, and somehow your hand finds its way to Gojos arm.

You dig your nails in his soft skin, biting your lips, trying your best to stay quiet.

Your breath stuck in your throat and your mouth opens in a silent scream, your nails digging harder in Gojos skin, surly drawing blood. He should have really had his,..., don’t touch me shield up.

Trying to catch your breath you let go of Gojos arm, his hand immediately moving over yours, while his tumb stocks the back of your hand.

Meanwhile Toji has a smug smile on his face as he removes his fingers and moves them towards his lips, licking them clean, while glancing over at you.

“Uhm.. Y/n... are you okay?” Megumi asks confused, “You look... strange.” He raises an eyebrow.

Before you can answer, Gojo already opens his mouth. “Her hangover kicks in... I think it’s better if she leaves now.”

You look at him, with a thankful smile playing on your lips.

“ I was about to leave anyways, I can take you home, not sure if you arrive home save.” Toji gets up and pulls you up with him an arm wrapped around your waist, holding you up.

“No need to. I can take care of MY best friend.” Gojo says sternly and pulls you out of Tojis grip, now holding you close to him.

Toji raises one of his eyebrows and smirks.

“What’s wrong Gojo, you don’t trust me with her?”

“Yes.” He answers coldly.

“How’s that.  Don’t think I can control myself?” He laughs.

“Think? I know you can not.”

“Please, she’s a grown women, why would it be a problem if anything happens between me and her?” He smirks. You look confused between him and Gojo, not knowing what the fuck happens.

“Because your my DAD and she is my friend/ teacher.” Megumi sighs, clearly embarrassed.

“Because I don’t want her to” Gojo huffs and you quickly wiggle out of his grip.

“YOU DONT WANT ME TO?” You cross your arms and look at him.

“Yes. You don’t have to walk around fucking with random man, way too many years older than you.”

“Oh you are one to talk. How many this week mhm? Three?” You hiss.

“Please that’s different.” He sighs and scratches his neck, “ and no, only two, i actually spent two nights with the last one.” He smiles.

“OHHHH Two nights. And you forbid me to spent two nights with the same guy?”  

To underline your words, Toji wraps an arm around your waist and rests his head on top of yours.

“What’s wrong Gojo? Jealous?” He chuckles deeply, “Come, let me get you home and take care of you babygirl.” Lifting his head, he guides you away from the table and out of the bar.

Throwing one last glance over your shoulder you see a shocked Megumi, mouth hanging wide open, Yuji and Nobara looking confused from you back to Megumi. Nanami has his head in his hands. And Gojo mouths you a: “Please don’t leave.”

His sunglasses in his hand, showing a mixture of emotions in his eyes.

Your heart tightens when you look into his eyes.

“Don’t look at him. I promise he’ll be confessing to you in a matter of time.” Toji whispers and pulls you outside.

“You- You planned this?!” You ask him shocked.

“Please his feelings for you are pretty obvious. Especially how jealous he acted, i thought he’d screamed that he loves you right there at the bar.” He throws his arm over your shoulder and pulls you closer. “Let daddy help you, yes?”

“Please don’t call yourself Daddy.” You groan.

“But I thought you liked that name for me?”

“I really need to stop getting drunk.” You whine, earning a loud laugh from him.

“But.. are you sure... about Gojo... I really do-“

“Yes. Yes he has feelings for you, which aren’t just the ones friends have.” He rolls his eyes annoyed.

“But before he gets to you, lets have some fun yeah?”

“Thank you.” You say and grab the hand, hanging over your shoulder, kissing it.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m doing this to get on his neves, not for you to be happy. I wouldn’t mind fucking you for some more days.” He smirks, lucky for him, the night hides the soft blush on his cheeks.

With his arm wrapped around you, you guide him to your apartment.

“Hey, but never finger fuck me again when your son is on the same table.” You huff.

“Why not, you basically told him that you and I are fucking.” He laughs.

“Fuck.”

Taglist: @laceymorganwrites @ereeeeehhh @gojocumslut @channieboiiii @wingedcreatorgoopwagon ( I tagged some of uou who reblogged it, I hope this was okay )

[rextasywrites]

i heard someone's got their requests open...... SO i dont really have much other than my thirst for smut and the total conviction that leon is a boobs man (while chris is an ass man), you can't change my mind. and its not even about size, i just know that man loves him some 🍒, big or small. anyways, im also a sucker for some angst so what about a little thing where leon and the reader broke up for whatever reason but deep down they miss each other a lot and wish they have not given up so easily, and then they sleep together... for like the first time since the break up and leon is all up on her and her 🍒 that he missee so much. just smut w a little plot lmao, thank you if you consider!! :)

This has been my favourite request so far so I had to get to it right away! i hope you enjoy it anon! <3

Warnings: smut and some angst at first

It’s been a month since Leon left. After one of the worst missions he ever had to face, he decided it was enough. If he had to face zombies and bio weapons and fuck knows what else, he’d do it alone and not risk her life too. Breaking up was the wisest decision, keeping her save. As a Kennedy, she would always have a target on her back, ready to be shot at. And if another person he loves dies because of him...Leon didn’t know if he would be able to overcome the grief and sadness.

It was two in the morning when you heard someone banging against your door. Out of reflex, you grabbed the gun he had left at your apartment months ago, ‘just in case’. Now was one of those times you thought. With an unlocked gun and in your nightgown you headed towards the door. The mysterious visitor was still banging against it, saying your name over and over again. “(Y/N), (Y/N), open up!”, you’d recognize that voice anywhere. Leon. And he sounded drunk.

You placed the gun away and unlocked the door. This caught Leon by surprise and he stumbled forwards, thanks to your great reflexes you caught him before his pretty face could kiss the hardwood floor. “Leon, the fuck you doing here?”, you asked as you helped him back on his feet. Together you headed to the living room where you sat him down on the couch, getting him a glass of water.

“I miss you baby!”, Leon hip cupped during the sentence, giving you his best puppy eyes. Fuck, not the puppy eyes…

“Leon, we broke up a month ago.”, you replied as you placed the cup of ice cold water in his hands. It still hurt, and seeing him in a state like this confirmed your belief that he wasn’t taking it easily.

Leon shrugged and took a few sips from the water, pulling a face. “That’s not wodka…”, he muttered as he placed the glass down. “Anyway. I missed you and your smell and your soft hair and your boobs and…”

You sighed and cupped his cheeks, “Leon, stop it. We broke up for a reason…”

“And that reason is stupid as fuck. I miss you.”, he confessed like the drunken mess that he is, still using his puppy eyes like you. Leon tilted his head, sticking his bottom lip out, “I miss waking up to you next to me, when you drool on your pillow and your hair is all messy an-”

You cut him off. Enough is enough. You had longed for him and his touch ever since he walked out of the door of your apartment, crying just like you did. Ever since you wanted him for yourself again, your Leon. You cut him off with a soft kiss, tasting the various liquors he had dumped into his body into the hours prior to your meeting.

“Leon…”, you whispered against his lips, the stubble of his beard scratching against your cheeks as he rubbed against you. All the feelings pent up were crashing down on you, and you both couldn’t hold back the desire burning deep inside of your bodies.

“Bedroom. Now.”, Leon said as he stood up, pulling you with him. Despite his stumbling, the muscle memory told him where your bedroom was, and in no time you two were in the bed you had shared so many times. Leon pulled you into his lap, instantly burying his face between your breasts. As a breathy moan escaped your throat, Leon tugged on your nightgown. “Off.”

To his enjoyment, your nightgown found its way to your bedroom floor, and to his delight, you weren’t wearing a bra. “Damn, how I missed them”, Leon muttered as his eyes were fixed on your breasts, taking in their shape, form, even the colour of your nipples. His calloused fingers flicked your nipples, drawing a moan from your lips. Ever since he had found out they were your weakness...Nothing had stopped him from spending literal hours between them, drawing one orgasm after the other from your body.

“You sound so fucking sweet like that...missed your cute moans, babe.”, Leon growled out as he placed one hand on your hips, guiding you to grind against him. As if it was in your blood, you moved your hips against his, feeling his rather obvious bulge against your panties. “Good girl.”, Leon flicked his tongue over your nipples, one time each, just enough to make you wish for more. Your hand dug into his shoulders, a silent beg for touch and satisfaction.

The moment Leon wrapped his lips around your nipple felt as if you were floating on cloud 7. The familiar feeling of his teeth gently biting into your soft flesh, leaving marks behind to show whose girl you are. How his beard scraped ever so slightly against your skin, tiny red traces of your connection for days to admire. He sucked and licked as if his life depended on it.

Because you were so busy with the pleasure Leon brought upon you with his mouth, you didn’t realize that he had tugged your panties to the side, only when his fingers brushed against your clit was when you gasped. Leon pulled away from your tits, a string of saliva connecting his lips to your nipple. What a sight, what a view. “Do you want this?”

“Of fucking course.”, you breathed out, and before Leon could suck on your other breast, you pulled him into another kiss, breathlessly but full of need and lust. While you kissed Leon, his fingers collected enough of your sheer endless wetness and plunged them inside of you. The stretch and calloused feeling made you feel filled up, a feeling you had longed for since Leon had last touched you. “Leon, please…”, you moaned out as he stroked over your g-spot, feeling every little bit of your inside, of the place that made you feel so good.

“Please what? Say it, little girl.”

“I want you Leon. Fuck, I need you. Now.”, and that was all Leon needed. He pulled his fingers out of your pussy, leaving you empty and whining. You wiggled your hips while he pulled down his own jeans and took off his shirt, giving you enough time to admire the beautiful man in front of you.

Leon pulled you closer once he was undressed, leaning against the wall by the bed, guiding your hips closer to his. God, he was so beautiful with his uncut cock, standing at attention just because of you. “I missed this.”, you confessed and to your surprise, Leon agreed with you before he slowly guided himself inside of you. Fuck, how you deeply you missed his. It felt as if you two were made for each other. You needed a hot second to adjust to his size, he wasn’t so big that it would hurt, but...an impressive cock was hidden in his pants.

“Fuck, little girl, you feel so good.”, Leon groaned as he started to move his hips along with your, moving as one. He rested his head on your shoulder, one arm around your waist, the other one busy with rubbing your clit. His touch alone made you see stars, and since you hadn’t masturbated since he left, your orgasm was approaching fast.

The first waves of your orgasm caught Leon by surprise, making him look up to you. “Already?”, he asked, his lips parted and swollen from all the kisses you had shared. You nodded as another wave washed over you, and Leon felt his cock twitching inside of you. So tight, so fucking good…

“Fuck, baby”, Leon moaned against your skin, pulling you into another open mouthed kiss. The taste of alcohol was fading off, replaced with his unique taste. And fuck, it was an addicting taste. Your tongues danced together as every moan was swallowed by the other party.

It didn’t take much longer for you to cum. His thick fingers, his cock made for your pussy...together you reached your peaks, panting and moaning as the orgasms came over you. As you contracted around him, Leon filled you up to the brim, the sweetest feeling of them all with your lovers cum inside of you. Your neighbours probably heard your loud moans but at this moment, you couldn’t care less. 

As Leon went soft, his cock slipped out of you, his cum dripping out. But in this very moment you felt more connected to Leon than you had ever been, and judging by his soft smile, he felt the same.

“Come on little one, lets catch some sleep?”, Leon suggested. It wasn’t even in question that he would leave. Fuck no, this bed had been his bed for so long and now came his chance to sleep in it again. You nodded and got off his lap. After quickly drying yourself up, you joined Leon under the covers, snuggling against his chest.

With a soft yawn you dozed off in your lovers arms, but you were sure you heard Leon say, “I love you and will do so forever.”

[firelxdykatara]

not gonna lie I would love to hear more about the drama and infighting that went on in The Vampire Diaries fandom if you have the time (and also want to use that time to give your experience with the fandom, which from the snippets you've told sounds Not Fun so I get it if you don't want to lol)

oh god, there was like, SO MUCH, i just

i really feel like tvd is one of those fandoms that is so hard to describe without a lot of ‘you’d have to have been there’, but it really felt like this huge and all-consuming beast for about five years until the show finally imploded and the fandom basically turned on it en masse. (you ever see that post going around that’s like ‘if you ever want to know what true regret feels like, ask someone who once called tvd their favorite show’? still a mood, all these years later. basically the entire fandom thought the show should have just bowed out with whatever shreds of dignity it had left at the end of season 6, and became more of a hatedom than a fandom for the last two seasons. when you have an entire fandom cheering news of your show’s cancellation, i think that’s a sign you done fucked up, julie.)

first and most infamous, of course, are the ship wars. which are pretty much inevitable in any teen-centered drama, and i really think the CW fucking thrives on them, but it was particularly egregious in TVD’s case because not only was the base premise of the show a love triangle, but the two main romantic leads were brothers that the show constantly pit against one another--in pursuit of elena’s affections, but also because it kept up this insistence on the ‘good brother/bad brother’ dichotomy which stopped making sense after about season 2 (by which time we have found out that the good brother was never as good as he appeared, and the bad brother has been growing and isn’t nearly as bad as he pretends to be)--and the question of which brother ‘deserved’ elena (and no, what elena wanted very rarely factored into these discussions, especially in the team stefan camp because they turned on her when what she wanted was no longer The Good Brother, but i’ll get to that in a bit) was hotly contested.

i’m not kidding when i say the shipping wars were vicious. i started watching tvd shortly after it began to air, which was late 2009, and kept up with it fairly sporadically over the years. i didn’t come onto tumblr until 2011/2012, and by then, the fandom was already pretty much a garbagefire. there were anti ship and anti character blogs, any time something bad happened for one ship the rival ship would invade the tags to gloat about it (seasons 3 and 4 were especially rough, and i’m not gonna pretend delena fans weren’t just as bad about tag invasion and shit, but as that was my side of the road i saw a lot more of the stelena shippers being assholes, which soured my opinion on the ship a long time before i started rewatching and realized the red flags were there from the start), confessions blogs were popular also toxic as fuck (so much fighting happened in the notes of those posts, good gods), and this was right around when twitter’s popularity was on the rise and the line between Celebrity and Fan was thinning, so the fandom was absolutely atrocious to much of the tvd cast and crew.

(some of them deserved a lot of the later backlash, but in the early years a lot of it was ‘how dare you write the story in a way i dont like, you terrible fucking person’, and gods don’t get me started on the dobsley vs nian Thing)

i think what really encapsulates my feelings on the tvd fandom as a whole, though, is the way they (to this DAY) treated elena gilbert, which can be summed up in one meme that gained a lot of traction around season 3 if i remember right: that gif of pam from true blood, with the text altered to read “i’m so OVER elena and her precious doppelganger vagina!”

i swear at one time i had over half the active tvd fan accounts on tumblr blocked, because i got to a point where i would no longer tolerate elena hate, and she was (and still is, in what remains of the fandom; you’ll see a lot of ‘elena was one of the worst things about the show’ takes from ex-fans, too) one of the most widely despised characters in the entire fandom. because she -checks smudged writing on hand- was a traumatized teenage girl who -reads off a crumpled notecard- couldn’t always perfectly sort out her own feelings and -squints at the ceiling- sometimes made mistakes or bad decisions. (except a lot of the fandom also insisted that she was a mary sue who had no character traits or flaws or faults and it was like....make up your fucking minds???? is she a calculating conniving bitch whose somehow manipulating these centuries old vampires to tie them around her little finger or is she a boring flat character with no depth and no flaws??? jfc)

there was this massive double standard, too--like, stefan and damon could fuck whoever they wanted and that was fine, but elena was constantly raked over the coals for the crime of developing romantic feelings for the two men who had become constants in her life and whom she cared for deeply, and oh my GOD the slut shaming that happened when elena slept with damon was fucking wild. (and also happened in canon lmfao. like the show had one of elena’s best friends basically call her diseased on screen for falling in love with someone other than stefan. it was gross and ridiculous and the friend in question was also being a giant hypocrite at the time since she was happily flirting with someone who was directly responsible for the deaths of like four of elena’s loved ones and her own boyfriend’s mother but that’s beside the point) but like elena was called a slut and a bitch and a whore for ‘cheating’ on stefan (she hadn’t, and she had in fact broken up with him on screen the episode earlier) and ‘immediately’ jumping into bed with damon, even though none of them said fucking boo when stefan had one night stands or damon had fuckbuddies or whatever.

shit, caroline didn’t get any of this treatment when she started falling for tyler while dating matt! which isn’t to say i think she should have, just that i think it’s fucking ridiculous that elena was absolutely demonized by the fandom for daring to have feelings for two guys at once and eventually acting on them--despite the fact that the entire premise of the show was a love triangle. it’s not a love triangle if both sides don’t eventually get explored, and the crew had been pretty explicit about the fact that delena was going to happen at some point--but when it did, a huge chunk of the fandom absolutely threw a fit.

and a lot of these elena haters were alleged stelena stans, and i say alleged because they hated her so much for not wanting stefan’s dick anymore that it was clear they were really stefan stans and only wanted stelena to be endgame because they wanted stefan to ‘win’ at the end of the day, because ‘he’s the good brother’ so he deserved elena more.

it was all very gross and very misogynistic and very sex shaming (apparently delena was a ‘shallow’ and ‘superficial’ relationship because they had sex after two years of unrequited feelings slowly becoming requited and then pining for ages on both sides, and because they had a lot of on screen chemistry that the show capitalized on for years so of course they did a lot of making out and shit but it’s not like stelena didn’t have its fair share of making out and sex scenes, stefan was just too much of a coward to let elena top i’d apologize for that joke but i’m really not sorry because it’s true), and when i say it was egged on by the crew, that’s because they refused to let the love triangle die back in season 4 when it should have.

they insisted on stringing stelena fans along, dropping little bread crumbs to keep them invested, like dreams of a future where they were married and revealing that stefan was also a doppelganger and he and elena were descended from a pair of star-crossed lovers (a plot that ultimately went nowhere, to no one’s great surprise), and then fucking like. julie plec turned around and threw nina under the bus after she chose not to extend her contract and pretended that stelena might have happened again if she hadn’t left the show, which....i mean frankly i wouldn’t put it past her, but it would have been shitty writing. then again, she thought having a vampire pregnancy where a uterus was magically transplanted from a witch into a vampire that could somehow......carry the babies to term.... made sense and was a good way to accomodate candice’s RL pregnancy rather than like literally ANYTHING else, soooooo. but anyway julie saying that around like, end of s6 sparked off a new wave of nina hate and elena hate and ship wars bc they SEers took it as ‘confirmation’ that stelena was REALLY meant to be endgame and it was all just a hot fucking mess

another thing is that, while tvd was in its prime before the anti/purity culture shit started picking up any real steam, there was still this pervasive attitude throughout the fandom that if you liked Damon, you were A Bad Person. liking damon was apparently grounds for insults and harassment, and apparently he was The Worst Person on the Show even though literally nothing he does on screen is any worse than shit we know stefan has done (and frankly every other vampire too, but i mention stefan specifically because he was always held up--in the show but especially in the fandom--as the Good Brother while damon was the Bad One, and if you liked damon more then that had to mean your morals were dodgy and you clearly couldn’t appreciate what a heroic and saintly figure dear stefan was and....oops, i’m sorry, my salt keeps leaking -cough-).

meanwhile klaus quickly became a fandom darling despite not even really having much of a redemption arc (on tvd anyway, he just became more ‘affably evil’ as the show went on and more inclined to work with the main characters rather than try to kill them; i have no idea what went on over on his show, though), and like i can 100% appreciate liking villains and not caring that they do dodgy villainous shit, even just liking them bc they’re hot and wanting them to kiss a main character bc they have insanely good chemistry (yes i ship klaroline, no i won’t apologize for it, they could have been Really Great), it’s just really the double standard that gets me.

and all of this, incidentally, required ignoring some truly gross shit stefan was responsible for wrt his relationship with elena, that frankly it has always bothered me never really got addressed in the show. i get why elena herself would never be able to actually call him on it, but the fact is that he stalked her for months after he first saw her and thought she was katherine (meanwhile it only took damon .5 seconds to realize she was someone else entirely, but that’s another topic entirely), and then he deliberately inserted himself into her life because, in his words, ‘i have to know her’. he never gave a thought to how his presence in her life might affect her (or rather, he did, and tormented himself about it in his internal monologue, but never let this actually dissuade him from disrupting her life), and elena would wind up blaming herself for every tragedy that befell her friends and loved ones as a result of getting mixed up in vampire bullshit even though none of it was her fault--she literally blamed herself for existing but most of the fandom didn’t give a fuck about that lmfao--and stefan did shit like find out that she was adopted and then withhold this information from her until she got pissed about another secret he was keeping (her resemblence to katherine) and drop it on her to try and distract her from her very reasonable anger, and like... i should stop before this becomes a whole rant about how much i hate stefan fucking salvatore, but the point is, he did a lot of really sketchy shit he never answered for and elena never really took him to task for, and the fandom just kept eating up his insistence that he was the Good Brother and therefore he deserved to have elena, and if she didn’t want him anymore it was because she was a heinous bitch who didn’t deserve him.

uh.....i think i got off track there. and there’s probably a lot of shit i missed, like i think i was incandescent with rage for most of seasons 5 and 6 so i missed a lot of the interfandom shit cause i was too busy being increasingly pissed off at the show itself, but if nothing else this should give you an idea of how much of a goddamn cesspit the fandom was while the show as in its prime. there’s a reason both the show and the fandom have such a lousy reputation lmfao.

[beetleboo]

long post. one i’ve been trying to make for a while now. hell, i wrote this like... third week of may. didn’t post it until now because i didn’t know if I wanted to.

but something i want to lay out, been wanting to lay out for months. dont want to talk to anyone about it, just want to put the info out there for it to be seen.

if you re/blog this i will block you. i may put this on the relevant sideblog at some point.

because 2020 was the worst year on record for me for a number of reasons, and it’s torn me down to the lowest point i’ve been in a long time, and this is just. everything that’s gone down. not a callout post, no one gets named, but these are all the events

partially in relation to my fandom sideblog, because that’s where i had community, and where it’s all just. gone. doesnt exist anymore.

i started up a server, ages ago now. somewhere i curated to be a positive and safe space for things, and for a while, it was that.

around the end of 2019, spilling over to the start of 2020 when it picked up, i found, both on my blog and in discord spaces, in particular the server i ran, that people no longer talked to me. no one would hold a conversation with me past a few basic responses, no one replied to anything i shared, no one engaged when i tried to start discussions. so i pulled back from the main server - S1. thought it was just a lull in activity. stayed that way for weeks, months, and I just muted the server. no one ever cared about anything i had to say. was lucky if anything i posted got even a token emoji react

was in another, smaller server - S2. people i talked to damn near every day, even in voice. played games together - that became... no fun simply because everyone else was so much better/further ahead in the game. i was completely useless, so didn’t server a function in game and never really felt like anyone actively wanted me around, but i still participated in chat.

but again, no one ever responded to anything I posted beyond maybe a token react

couple people discussing something one day. I contributed with Theory A, and quite immediately got that shut down. few minutes later, they rephrased exactly what I said and happily nattered away. so whatever I said wasn’t worth it when it came out of my mouth but if they talked about it, it was all well and valid. so again, between that specific experience and no one interacting with me, nor anything I post. server muted. treatment taught me no one cared about my presence there.

gave admin rights to S1, my server, to someone I trusted. two requests only: dont delete channels and let me know if you want to invite anyone (since I kept it private)

RYE (i’m just assigning random three letter names to people to keep this straight) posted public invites several times. never asked me. one of the two things i asked. brought it up with them that it bothered me, just got vague noncomittal responses. more public invites. eventually, after having the server muted for months, i handed over full control and left. that was almost a full year ago. none of the people have talked to me in that entire year, through discord or here or anything.

except RYE who sent me a message after a couple months like ‘wow i havent heard from you in a while hope you’re doing ok’. i wasn’t. after a bit but still the same day, i said as much. that i wasn’t doing well. they never responded. and i don’t mean like, they didn’t respond that day. i mean i literally never heard from them until months later when they sent me a meme and also didn’t respond to me commenting on that meme.

and this is one side of things. all of the above was the first half of the year. this next bit happened about. march2020? I was in another server - S3. another place that was a good space at the time. was in voice chat with two other people. started talking about one thing. MIN very suddenly said something along the lines of ‘i don’t care about this i’ll come back when you’re done’

this is one of the very few things that can trigger me - i’ve had a lot of people talk down to me if I dare look excited about anything. when they came back, i asked if they could try to just. depart conversations more softly. MIN always said ‘if i do anything hurtful to you just tell me! i dont want to do that kind of thing!’

this was clearly a lie as they exploded on me, telling me they always have to walk on eggshells around me, that I ask so many things from them. before what I asked them that day, I can only recall one other thing i asked (which was not to talk about a person who was abusive towards me, and they were like ‘yea sure np’ about that, over a year prior’)

the whole thing turned into basically me having to shut down the fact that i was hurt by what they did, had to ignore that now and i had to fawn and placate them and the only thing i got out of that was that my feelings were irrelevant, only theirs.

(incidentally, I have had two other people turn on me in similar ways, accusing me of doing shifty/bad/terrible things, and not being willing to tell me what they are when I ask, only saying that ‘i should know what i did’ so that’s also now a Fun New Bit Of Trauma.)

and that entire weeklong event lead me straight to a breakdown. literal genuine breakdown i cannot convey how devastating that entire scenario was without going into far too many details.

so between all of these things happening in less than six months, with three different community spaces folding and collapsing and fading away from me, with many of the friends i thought i had just. moving on to other things and dropping me. people i talked to every day just not bothering with me anymore. they all have gone on to other stuff and no one ever went ‘hey beets wanna see what i’m up to’ or ‘wanna do this thing with me’

a handful of instances of me saying ‘yeah i’m dealing with these fears that have been reinforced lately that people aren’t safe to deal with, even thought part of me knows they’re probably irrational it feels like i have evidence to back it up’ and people immediately take it personally like i’m saying they’re not safe. despite. me outright saying. i know logically it should be irrational. but their reactions just reinforce it so it’s just a loop and tells me, again, never to bring up any of my problems with anyone.

so this all just reinforces that there’s something wrong with me. couple years back i spoke to a friend and how i was frustrated that I seemed to end up in bad spaces and they said ‘well you’re the one thing in common so its probably your fault’ and obviously they’re not my friend anymore but that has affected me so deeply. i can’t do anything without overthinking, whenever anything goes wrong i tear apart everything i’ve done and everything i’ve said or thought and i don’t know why things keep going bad. i try so hard but i’m just. not right.

so it all teaches me that there’s no point in reaching out in trying to talk to people because if i say ‘hey this hurt me’ i get ignored at best or torn down, yelled at, scolded. no point in trying to talk to new people because everyone just walks away at some point. not even a natural drift apart, i can handle that. but just very suddenly, they’re gone, off with better people doing better things.

roundabout, ties back to ‘consumption versus community’ - this is why i’ve been struggling so hard with lack of engagement on my sideblog. lucky to get a dozen notes on anything i make, unless it’s something other people can use (like mods) and even THEN it’s rare to see much activity. and that was FINE because i had people to talk to elsewhere, who would ask questions and we could back and forth and i shared my stuff and they shared those and it didnt matter if my posts only got a dozen notes because i had friends to talk to.

now i get (example) seven notes, six of which are likes and one is a reblog with no commentary. when i have something with a ton of notes, still, minimal commentary, no one talks to me. even on a mod with five hundred notes it just feels like i went ‘hey i made something :)’ and everyone picked it up and walked away with it, no one went ‘hey this is cool i want to talk to the person who made it.’

and it just feels like 95% of the time, i’m just overlooked. 

and it’s worse than it’s ever been in my entire life, and I wonder, what’s the point of any of this anymore.

why bother to make the posts to share when it all just gets passed by. what’s the point in trying to reach out to new people and make friends when i get lashed out at or left behind? the social is gone out of my social media. i had community, and now it’s gone.

so this has all been going on for months and months and months and hey! suffering. and i dont expect it to get any better, don’t expect this post to fix these issues, but i’ve been trying to say something about all of this for fucking months and i think just, laying it all out is all I can do about it. i’m sure i’ve forgotten some things to touch on but as it is, all these events, all of it happening all together. new traumas, old traumas reawoken, reinforced, i’ve been torn to pieces i don’t know how to function, i can’t remember the last time i felt like even half a real person. taught that the safe, positive spaces that meant so much to me don’t actually exist and they’ll all turn on me and be torn away. nowhere is safe anymore, and trying to make it safe is just going to ruin me again.

people aren’t safe, places aren’t safe, been proven to me time and time again so i just. stay away.

no matter how much i try to fight that, it just doesnt work.

anyway tl;dr beets needs therapy probably

[numbaoneflaya]

3, 5, 14, 32, and 42 for Thurwen, 9, 12, 25, 44, and 79 for Espira, and 14, 79, 18, and 70 for Valkya? :)

LETS GOOOOOO

Thurwen!!

3. How do they dress?

She wears her warden armor most of the time, maybe not all the heavy plate but she likes to have the weight of it on her. She finds it comforting plus it lets ppl know not to fuck with her. When she's not wearing a warden insignia ppl still mistake her for a servant sometimes and that doesn't end well for anybody :/ When she's not wearing any armor or insignia at all she dresses pretty plainly- maybe a tan tunic with cropped sleeves to show off her arms and brown laced breeches with a pocketed belt loosely slung over it. No jewelry except the warden's oath amulet and maybe some sharp rings that both show her station and give an extra bite when she punches someone in the face.

5. How big is their family?

On the small side? For a long time it was only her, her dad and her cousins Soris and shianni. Sometimes but not often met with her aunts and uncles but travel is expensive from alienage to alienage so only for very important events like funerals or weddings. Now that she can afford to pay for travel she meets with them more often and pays for their travel too- she's met a lot more family and has made it a point to get them all together more often. And with Soris married and having kids soon it's especially important to her to stay in the picture.

14. How do they react to someone dying?

She's definitely more on the stoic side of things- you'll get no wailing or weeping from her but she will cry if she knew them well, as silently as shes able. Plays more the role of comforter for other people reacting to the death, will postpone her own reaction until she's alone. If it's someone she really cares about it will be more like she's choking on her tears and will excuse herself to scream into her hand, bite her arms and punch trees and headbutt the wall until it passes and she's left on the ground bleeding.

32. When faced with a difficult decision do they get stronger or break?

I wouldn't say she gets stronger but she definitely doesn't break. She's had to make a lot of difficult decisions in her life and she's never backed down from it or refused responsibility for anything. Probably takes too much responsibility for things and makes difficult decisions for others when they're unable, then deals with the consequences herself.

Espira!!

9. Why is their name, their name?

She was named after her great aunt on her dad's side who died defending their home during wartimes

12. How do they cope with struggles?

More likely to turn inward and spend more time alone, kind of unintentionally secludes herself. Prone to overthinking. Once shes become aware of this shes more likely to go to others for advice, people she knows and trusts. When shes feeling really unsure will hike up to the throat of the world and have a chat with Paarthenaux, who she considers like a grandpa.

25. If they were given the task to prank someone, who would it be, what would they do, and would the prank work?

Ooooh she would definitely prank her little brother Riley. She needs some help setting it up, though. Years of his prankster antics have to be repaid in full. Shed want to do something really elaborate and multi staged, something that ends with him covered in chicken feathers and dangling upside down.

44. How do they speak? Examples - Are they soft spoken, hot heated, vulgar

She speaks fairly quietly but it has the kind of effect that makes people quiet down and want to lean in to hear more of it. Soft spoken and puts a lot of care into her words. Kind of has a.. Dragony deep aspect to it? Kind of the undercurrent of a rumble when she gets angry, like a thunderstorm held underneath it. Idk how to explain it but she speaks quietly because her voice is very unique- she is the dragon born, and you really dont wanna hear her shouting.

79. Is there someone in their life that they care about more than themselves?

She cares about everyone because that's who she is, but at the top of that list are Serana and the kids and Riley. She'd do anything for them.

Valkya!!

14. How do they react to someone dying?

She feels…. Something?? It really varies on the time and who it is. Over so many years shes seen more death than any of my other ocs and with that comes a certain amount of separation. Used to be a lot more empathetic but shes become so detached from the very idea of death shes just kind of like “oh hot girl bummer :/” gsdgseh. Valkya now is a very different person from freshly 30 year old valkya before the whole immortal thing. At her worst when shes in a totally drugged up state and cares about nothing besides pleasure she treats it like a game and has no pity or real care about mortals who drop like flies. In her better states shes more respectful about it and is capable of feeling deeply for those the deceased leave behind. It depends on how shes doing!

79. Is there someone in their life that they care about more than themselves?

Valkya is both obsessed with herself and hates herself, so yes and no. She used to care about everyone deeply way more than herself, but watching everyone she cared about die? Seeing that no matter what she does everyone dies and theres nothing she can do? She tries not to care about people anymore, just Dem and Hakon. Shed give herself up back to Coldharbour if it meant they would be okay.

18. What flaws do they have?

Oh lord, let's go. Self obsessed. Martyr complex. Loud, obnoxious. Capable of great apathy and cruelty. Hero complex. Starts fights for entertainment. Brash. Loudmouthed braggart. Cocky, arrogant, hedonistic, immature, lewd, inserts herself wildly into other peoples business, gossip, nosey, etc.

70. Do they like themselves?

Complex question, yes and no. She used to like herself fine, but over the years it's evolved into both an intense love for herself and an intense hate which coexist unhealthily. Both thinks shes the best in the entire world and the worst to ever exist. Will never admit to hating herself unless shes entirely wasted though, otherwise its all only the self adoration she exaggerates to cover her insecurities.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Wilfords Demands: Who Do You Belong To?

Summary- 5.2 k. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Written for @mcudarklibrary​ Kink Challenge- April. You’ve been in Curtis care for a few weeks now. He has no hesitation in reminding you who you belong to. Warnings- Dub Con/Non Con situations, punishments treatment, drug and alcohol mentions. 

Chapter One- Just Another Prisoner / Masterlist 

“So Curtis, how are you liking your new girl?” Wilford asked curiously as he flicked some crumbs off his luscious red robe, frowning as he rubbed at what looked like a smudge, under his breath he complained. “Those fucking cleaners never do anything right. Useless the lot of them.” The older man chose to ignore it for now, turning back to Curtis sitting opposite of him, Claude pouring fresh tea into two delicate china mugs. “Isnt she something, as soon as I saw her on camera, I knew you would like her. Yes, shes a bit thin still, but get some meat on her, and she will have all those nice curves to keep you occupied.” 

Curtis nodded his thanks to Claude and reached to take the cup, contemplating what Wilford was talking about, you were rather lovely in your innocence. All Curtis had to still do was look at you a certain way, and your cheeks would turn pink and your glance would look away from him, sometimes a tiny whine would issue, making him grin. “Im liking her quite fine. She was an innocent you know? I was surprised.” Wilford winked over his cup while he added generous amounts of honey comb to his cup, swirling his cup a bit before taking a sip.

“I had hoped she would be, How the fuck I know, pretty little thing like that. I am a bit disappointed she isnt pregnant yet though, but in due time I know. I just get impatient.” 

Curtis kinda shrugged a bit, he never really cared what Wilford did with the kids they made him, but this time it kinda rubbed him the wrong way. He didnt seem to pick up on it, or chose to ignore it, falling into another subject that Wilford used them for. Entertainment for the front enders for a couple months a year, a sport. 

“Also, its about time for the games, and Im putting my goods on you Curtis, Do not disappoint. Once you get in that ring, murder the sons of bitches.” The true purpose of the games, weed out the weak. So far only three of the original group still survived, Curtis was one of them for his brutal approach to all of it. He was a survivalist first, and had no issue getting blood all over in the process.

“Yes I know, trust me, I dont want my ass fucking dead.” Curtis growled out and grew impatient, ready to get back to you. “We done shooting the shit Wilford, or you ready for this months supplies?” 

“God your always so fucking impatient to leave my company.” Wilford rolled his eyes and sighed as if hurt, Curtis just stared at him waiting for him to get on with it. “Okay, my boy... let me know what you want.” 

Curtis wasted no time, filling out his demands and leaving straight afterwards. There was only so much time he could stand being in that mans presence. His spirit uplifted a bit knowing he would be seeing you again. You were still quiet in his presence, trying to remain unnoticed, but he was always aware of your presence unlike any other woman he had ever been with. Sometimes he would draw out conversation from you. But your answers were usually short, clipped, or you shrugged not knowing how to answer. Seeing how you lived in the tail end all your life, there was simply things you didnt know about. That was okay, you would learn about these things soon enough. 

Opening the door and stepping in, you were curled in the seat near the window, a book resting on your knee and gaze out the window watching the speeding landscape. You jumped slightly when Curtis entered and pulled your legs up nervously to watch him. Always so observant his girl was. "You havent seem to gotten to far while I was gone." nearby he sat down some bags of stuff he brought back with him, the items he had asked for from Wilford.

Your fingers trail down the spine and you slide it to the table, shaking you head softly. "Cant concentrate Curtis." Wary was how you were of this man, who stalked around his room till he moved to sit on the edge of the bed nearby. "Hmmm, do you not like it?" How brow arched and a your voice rose in a rush, as you clutched at the book. "No no, t-thank you... Its not that." You didnt want to loose a gift he brought you. Already reading through the few he had, you had gotten bored being unable to leave the small room. Curtis had requested a book for you with Wilford, and as you were finding out, Wilford accommodated Curtis requests typically.

"I was tested again, and still negative... " your voice dropped, admitting to your distraction. At first the news would cause Curtis to curse, drag you back to bed to try again.

So your head dropped, waiting to be yanked onto the mattress, but these past few weeks, he changed. Sometimes your news didn't cause any reaction, he would leave you to what you were doing. You trembled a bit, waiting to see what today would bring.

Curtis isnt sure when it changed for him, that he actually liked this one, it was something more then what was required of him, having any interest in his charge. You, a little tail ender was so innocent in to what he did to you, that he found it endearing. Her little surprised mewls when he taught you some new sense gave him satisfaction. He patted his knee. “Come over here Y/N” 

The tension raised between the two of you when you hesitated, curling your hands together and your face wanted to defy him, he could see the flash in your eyes and the way your breathing flared your nose. Curtis arched a brow daring you to tell him no. Oh would you? He almost wanted you to, that primal part of him loved overpowering you beneath him. You were so defeated when he first got his hands on you, but he felt that you had a bit of fire somewhere still, it just needed to be ignited. 

After a few seconds though you went back to your resigned manner and unfolded your legs approaching him, moving to stand in between his spread thighs. “Dont worry about the negative, it doesnt always happen right away.” His fingers snapped at your pants buttons and slid them down with a jerk, your hand bracing against his shoulder to keep from loosing balance and lifting your feet to loose your pants. He pushed your shirt up. “Get rid of all this to.” 

Lifting your shirt and tossing it aside, that deep blush he admired so much spread down from your face and neck, flaring over your collarbone. His mouth smirked until he lashed his tongue over a nipple, teasing the other with pinching fingertips. “But how long till they get impatient Curtis?” you took a shuddering breath feeling the warmth of his mouth tease you to a peak, rubbing your thighs together as heat pooled faster then you expect it to in your core. “Im ready to be done and go back home.” He growled at this, biting enough for you to yelp, and try to pull away but his legs have you trapped in between them. 

“What makes you think your going back Y/N?” He growled deeply, whipping you around, and pulling you back into his lap with one muscled forearm circled around your waist. “I already told you, you were given to me to use.” your hands were grasping his forearm pressed around your midsection, and you whine softly at his words. “But once Im pregnant you wont want me in your space, why wouldnt they send me back till birth?” 

“Cause, Im keeping you. Open your mouth.” He demanded and grabbed a hold of your jaw, forcing your mouth to open, his other arm loosened around your waist and moved two fingers to your mouth.“suck, get them good and wet Y/N”  his fingers pressed against your tongue and you immediately started to suck on his digits. doing your best to do as he asked. “As I told you a few weeks ago, your issued to me for at least the next few years.” Shifting his legs to hook yours over his knees and spread his legs so your thighs spread apart wide for him, the rush of cooler air hitting your aroused flesh made you moan around his fingers pressing against your tongue. “Your here till your used up or Im tired of you.” His voice, was so final as he yanked his fingers out from your mouth, tracing your bottom lip with one of the drenched fingers. “And then your still not going back there Honey. He wont let you go back home” 

Before you could fully register what Curtis was telling you, he dropped his hand to your cunt, his fingers warm and wet from how you worked them traced your pussy lips, soft under his fingertips, his biting kiss on your neck was a stark contrast, making you attempt to pull away, but he once more clamped his arm around your waist to keep you in place, his long middle digit dipping in between the folds, tease your sensitive flesh. “N-never? even if I was useless to have children?” 

“No, never. Have you ever seen anyone return to the tail end? Your not an exception. Trust me... You could be in a worst place then with me.” Continuing to rub your cunt, circling your aroused bud but never quite touching when he would return to stroking and teasing her entrance with slight dips of his fingers, collecting your arousal to spread. “I am not the only man who does this, and plenty are cruel to there partners.” It was getting harder to focus on Curtis as he started finally touching where you ached, his arm tightening when you would arch and let your head fall back to his shoulder. Pressing his lips to your temple. “Curtis... Its,,,” 

“Feels good right? Most the time it will if Im doing my job right,” Assuring as he let two fingers fill your wet heated entrance, making you open your thighs wider, his own adjusting to help you keep them spread. You were panting, rocking your hips to meet his thrusting digits. If you werent so caught up in the moment, you would have been embarrassed of the squelching sound your wet cunt was making the faster he pumped his fingers. Your walls started to clench around him, and that little firey coil started to tighten in your lower belly. 

“M-most of the time?” You managed to utter, and Curtis chuckled while biting lightly on your earlobe. “Well your a temptation, this tight little body.” His fingers hooked when he said that, come along with me baby. He would stroke your walls to comply with his wishes, fighting against his hold, and you were crying out when you pushed back into his chest, locking and shaking, flooding his hand. “Wouldnt be hard for me to loose control and just fuck you into the mattress” 

Your thighs are trying pushing to close, aching from being stretched open, and fighting through your orgasm. He shoved you forward slightly to undo his pants, and you lean forward to brace your hands against your knees, your head dipping forward to catch your breath. It wasnt long you felt his cock pressing against your back. God you fucking hope he never lost control with you, You could barely handle him now, and everything he did was measured calculated. Curtis did nothing without giving it some thought, you knew this. 

Hands at your hips, lifted your ass enough so he could fit himself into your core, and eased you back, slowly so he inched in, making you stretch around him but it still made you hold your breath till you were full of him, every movement you made, made you groan, his thrusts were quick upward angled jabs, pressing deeper and you still braced your hands while arching your breasts forward, this angle was so fucking full, concentrating was impossible. There was just rushed thrusts and grinding your hips back down. 

Somewhere it registered his cussing against your neck, as his thrusts pressed forward longer in your clenching pussy. “Fuck your so good, just gonna fill you till your dripping with cum.” He grunted against the back of your neck, his fingers digging into your hips and started to move you faster, bouncing you, and you just rode it till he roared and warm jets of his cum started to fill you. Your channel flexed around his cock, milking him for the last of it, and you collapse back against him, covering your face with your hands and giving a soft sob from your second orgasm within a short time. 

Pulling himself from him, he swiped his fingers through your cunt and scooped his cum back into you, making you quiver slightly at the sensation. Curtis gave a possessive nip to your neck, and shifted your legs back to a close. Fuck the muscles ached, all you wanted to do was lay down, the muscles in your thighs screaming with a burn. Curtis tapped your thigh to stand. “Dont be letting that run down your leg Y/N,” You nod and go to stand, your legs shaking enough to look like you might wipe out, Curtis hands shot out and grasped your hips to draw you back and sit on the bed. “Probably need a moment to get your legs back.” 

Tucking himself back in his pants, he let you claim the bed and went to where he had ditched the bags he brought back from Wilfords. You dragged a blanket over your naked body and watched with curiosity as he pulled out some clothing for you, nicer then the stuff youve been wearing. “Whats that for?” you asked curiously. 

Curtis brought the skirt and top over to let you inspect them. “They are for you. There is a entertainment car, and I figured your ready to meet others. I trust you to remember who you belong to” Your eyes brightened at the idea of seeing others, even if they were front enders. “Hows your legs? If you can stand, were going in half an hour.” He took the rest of the bag and turning his back to you, stored away a few books Wilford gave him, a treat for you later if you got to bored and deserved them. Curtis hoped there would come a time where you wanted to please him, not had to please him. 

While he was doing this, you tested yourself, and gathered the clothing to your bare chest. “they are fine... I will go get ready Curtis.” You escaped quickly into the bathroom, easing the door mostly closed. You rubbed your face in the soft long sleeve, it was the softest thing you could remember feeling and when you tugged the clothing on, braiding your hair to sweep straight down your back well past your waist, you couldnt remember feeling this way, like you were being showed off,and you kind of liked it. Stepping out, your clear your throat a bit and Curtis looks up from where he had been reading the spot you left in your books. 

Fuck you look good. Curtis nods his approval, and you nervously pick at the shirt, biting back a grin in your excitement. A warm rush tingles Curtis seeing you so damn happy for the first time since he brought you back a book, and unlocking the door, he held it open for you, beckoning you to step out. Going to step out the door, your hand braced on the door frame as you peeked out, it was empty, which your heart sunk a little and with a gentle ease of Curtis’s hand in the small of your back, you step into the wide looking hallway. He slung his arm around your waist, a steady hold on your hip and in the belt loops of your pants, he led you towards the front, the way you were dragged down to his room. “Now you stay with me Y/N unless I tell you otherwise, understand? Your free to talk to people that are in this car, but remember your place. You are mine, if I find out you are disrespecting what we have going on, or me, you wont like the consequences.” 

“Yes Curtis” you reply, feeling your mouth go dry with nerves and anticipation, would you know anyone there? You hoped so, you were desperate to find out how your friends were in the tail end. You two reached a gate, and your bouncing a bit at his side, the music on the other side is thumping loud and you can see flashes of lights through the cracks. Curtis smiles a bit to himself at how obvious excited you are to get out of the room, but there are rules, and he had to be sure you knew them. Turning you to face him, he grabs your chin and makes you look at him. “Remember what I said, do you understand? do you have any questions before we go in?” 

You nod probably a little harder then you should and you glance at the door once more before back up to him. “Am I allowed to ask about the tail end if I see anyone I know? That wont make you upset with me?” 

Curtis thought about this for a few moments, it wouldnt hurt and you so desperately wanted to know, probably still had your hopes up about one day seeing your friends again. “You can, but dont expect to see anyone from before in there Y/N” His fist thumped against the metal door, and it popped open enough for Curtis to slide through and he took your arm, bringing you through. It wasnt quite as you remembered, but last time you came through, you were being dragged, and didnt exactly have time to admire the setting. This time you did though, and your eyes widened before you. 

People, gyrating all over each other, among the flashing lights above them, it was extremely distracting and made you want to shut your eyes. First the people were laughing and dancing, then they would turn and a clash of teeth and lashing of tongues inhaled one another in open mouth kisses, moving from one person to whoever was closest. You leaned more into Curtis, not wanting to get caught up in the orgy. It was something you didnt enjoy from him, and you knew you wouldnt like it here either. With a push of his hand, Curtis broke past the group, and the car opened up to show more people dancing, some with one another, some off poles placed in what looked like a seating area, people lazing around, high from the kronoles scattered in the sunken seating booths. Curtis led you past these as well until you two were near the other side, and he directed you to sit. “Just wait here, I will be back.” A simple nod was efficient enough for him, and he went to the small bar set up. 

“Kronoles, rum and coke?” The man asked Curtis while he pulled out to glass jars to pour the alcohol into. 

“Just the rum and coke.” Normally Curtis would part take in the kronoles, chase that mindless high that came with it, but not this time with you accompanying him. He would come back another time without you. The rum and coke though, rare treat, doing some calculations about the occasion for the rare indulgence. Wilford had announced it was new years. Collecting the drinks, he came back to where you were half in and out of your seat, curious to your surroundings. Twisting back into your seat, your nose wrinkled as you sniffed your drink, used to only water. “What is it?” 

“Try it and find out.” Was all he said, and you cautiously brought your mouth to the edge, taking a sip. It burned and was sweet at the same time, and you took another sip that stung its way down your throat. The dart of your tongue wasnt missed by Curtis, and his cock twitched at the very notion of how sweet your lips would look stretching around his shaft, your head tipped to meet him with your eyes rolling up to meet him. Fuck... It was gonna have to go on your list of necessary teachings. No it wouldnt benefit what you two were striving for, but it was a damn sweet thought, your mouth sucking him off. To cool off, he to took a bigger swallow then your sip, appreciating the burn as it went down to settle in his gut. 

“what is it?” You repeated and he looked at you and swiped his thumb over your lower lip to dry it off. “Rum and Coke, we only get it once a year, usually its homemade shit or cheap ass beer thats long since gone stale. Its new years though, another year living on the train passed.” 

“Oh! I never heard the announcement.” Your gaze again falls to looking around the room, and you got bolder in your drinking. Soon, your eyes were brighter then usual and there was a flush to your cheeks. Curtis watched you get caught up in it all and he finally leaned over to whisper in your ear. “You can go dance you know, just dont stray far from the table.” He knew others would pick up on your innocence right away, target you for your weakness, typically it was a game. That is until people learned that your were his, and he was never one to share. 

Nervous, you hesitate a moment, and then push up to go up the stairs, and dont wander to far away, but mingle. Soon your drawn into a group of women who were just dancing, and the rush of the alcohol in your system swept you away in the motion. Curtis caught sight of you laughing and swaying your hips, deeming that you were fine. He collected your glasses to go refill them with just straight soda this time, and a pair of steel grey eyes crinkled at the corners, smirking watching Curtis, whom was unaware of the threat. About time he left his girl alone was the mans thoughts, pushing from where he been sitting with a group of friends and his own toy. 

You were unaware of any change happening, until a pair of hands slid along your hips, and hot breath against your neck, a lash of the tongue over your ear, you wouldnt doubt it was anyone other then Curtis so you didnt fight it. You were his after all, and your buzzed state, you couldnt tell that this was a slightly smaller set of hands on your hips, and that the person gyrating behind you certainly wasnt as broad as Curtis. Your time in the tail end, you were used to never having personal space, you simply fell back into the person behind you, getting lost in the tempo and rush of the alcohol.  

When he came back, he glanced through the crowd again as he set the drinks down, and Curtis couldnt fucking believe what the hell he was seeing. You pushing your sweet little ass of yours into Grey of all the fucking people. Quick, he snapped up to the dance floor, and your eyes sprang open to see him pushing people to crash into one another so he could get through, frightened you looked over your shoulder to see someone youve never seen in your life, and you stepped forward to meet Curtis. “Curtis! Im so-” 

“Get on your fucking knees now and wait!” He roared at you and your scrambled to fall at his feet like he told you to, your eyes welling up at your mistake. Curtis stepped around where you knelt, your hands wringing together. 

“Curtis, we were just having fun to.” Grey sighed with disappointment. “I had to see what the fuss was all about. I can see why Wilford got interested in her, she is cute for a cum slut.” 

“What the fuck makes you think you could touch her?” Curtis crowded Grey, who didnt back up but he to crowded back, smirking in Curtis’s pissed off face. 

“Wanted to see if they were as fucking easy as they come. I would have had her sucking cock in a few minutes with how she was grinding her ass into me like some horny bitch. Cant satisfy them Curtis? Why Wilford had to give you a tail ender? Not like they know any better.” 

Curtis didnt even bother with that jab, it was clearly meant to push his buttons. Drawing up to his full height, Grey albeit smaller, was not at all intimidated by Curtis, and leaned in a bit closer, smirking “dont worry Curtis, when I get her, and I will cause the winner takes it all, I will teach her how to properly behave.” You were pushing to a stand to try and explain to the two men, when Curtis caught sight of you “Did I fucking tell you to stand, get back in your place.” 

“But Curtis, it wasnt... “ You try once more, and he has to deal with you defying him, you gave him no choice. Ignoring Grey who watched this all with interest, he stalked forward and fists his hand in your hair, yanking you back to your knees. “What did I tell you?” 

“On my knees” You twist and cry out, your hands going to your hair to try to get him to loosen his grip. 

“Do I want any fucking sass coming from you?” 

“n-no.” You cant help the tears that are rolling down your cheeks and the way your head bows to him. 

Lowering closer to your level, his next words were so low it was hard to hear, but they held deadly promise should you not listen. “Start crawling to the door Y/N” Releasing his hold and shoving you to sprawl back. 

You look at him like he cant be serious, crawl? His face though, was all serious anger storming his blue eyes and you back away from him, the crowd parting to allow you passage. 

“Please Curtis...” 

Nothing, no softening or taking pity on you, you do only thing that you can, and start to pull yourself away on your hands and knees, Curtis watched your heart shaped ass sway back and forth, and then turns back to Grey, whos watching with an amused look. 

“Sure you dont want me to break in your little sweetheart? Ass like that good for alot of things, wouldnt be any trouble at all.” 

Curtis growled lowly “Dont fucking lay a hand on her anymore, shes mine. I have no problem shoving your dick down your throat should you think shes yours to handle.” 

Grey grinned at the challenge. “No, course not. Better not let her out of your sight again.” With that Grey turned back, and hoped back down into the seating area he had been occupying previously, yanking his own girl back in his lap, and slapping her thighs to spread, ready to share her with his current company. Curtis didnt waste any more time with them, and followed where she had crawled away, getting to the door, you were waiting this time, in a subdued position, on your knees, head bowed, palms up, trying not to look embarrassed or scared of it all. Made his cock twitch again, Fucking Christ, bad timing. “Get up” He yanked on your arm and hauled you to a stand. You stumbled, but did it all quietly, averting looking at him. 

It was silent going back to the rooms, and you tried to keep up best you could to his long stride. The train walls kept dipping as if off kilter and you stumbled into Curtis a few times. Finally though you two reach his room again and he gets the door to open, pushing you to fly in first. You stumble and grab a hold of the wall, trying to get everything to stop spinning. 

“Curtis, please I didnt know.” 

He doesnt care, more pissed off then he was before at your attempt for an explanation, he drags you from your grip off the wall and over his knee. “You knew better Y/N, and yet you fucking undermined me.” 

His knee is hard in your stomach, and you could feel him lifting your skirt to pool around your waist. You try to look over your shoulder but he shoves your head back to look at the wall and floor. Struggling, again a waste of your energy, hes holding you pinned over his knee with no more energy then he would give to a mild inconvenience in his day. Yanking down your panties to, he smacked your bottom hard, hard enough to jar you forward in his lap. 

“Dont worry I plan on marking your ass so hard, your not going to be forgetting who you belonged to.” Curtis gives no time to adjust, its one hard spank on one of your cheeks after another, its a fire burning you now, and your crying into his leg, arching once in a while when its a particular had slap, those sharp stinging ones that you swear are going to break your skin. Curtis hand prints popped up in welts, and you sobbed for him to stop. “Pl-please Curtis, I wont do it again. I swear... I thought it was you. “ He growled and started to come to a stop. He reached to take a fistful of hair and jerk your head back so he could see you even at this angle. 

“Who do you listen to?” 

Sobs crack your voice. “You Curtis...” 

“Thats right little one, next time be aware of who the fuck is behind you. Accident or not, if I catch it happening again, it will be worst.” He just as quickly put you in a stand, and stood up himself, gripping your chin so your tear stained face couldnt defy him and look away. “Next time it will be a leather strap and you will bleed for it. Get to bed now.” Dropping his hand and you are quick to move out of his way while he went to take a shower. 

Your ass, burning hot and every step screamed red hot through you, you peel away the clothes that you had been so excited for and folded them into the dresser, getting into an over sized tee that Curtis had given you to wear. Crawling in close to the wall, you lay on your side, waiting for him to come back out. He finished and didnt bother with clothing, snapping off lights as he came, he stretched out on his side, and yanked you over to him, hiking a leg over his hip, there was a unprepared thrust into your core, and you yelp into his chest, pressing your face there till the pain dulled, your breathing coming and going in shallowly as you braced for him to start moving he never did though, his arm just caged you in close. 

“You can sleep like this tonight, full of my cock so you dont forget who the fuck you belong to.” 

You sniffle in the darkness, trying to adjust to the full sensation hes stuffed you with. Now, you were even more homesick for the tail end. 

Tags-  @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @official-and-unstable-satan @p8tn0lish @stardancerluv @princess-evans-addict @patzammit @ozarkthedog​  @that-damn-girl @curtisbbq @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @thatweirdwalangpake @nsfwsebbie​ @imanuglywombat​

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[piratemadi]

please make your critical post of supernatural those are literally the only posts about supernatural i care about, especially since i side eye the heck out of the many people who give supernatural a pass because they ship two boring white dudes (dean and castiel) PLEASE

omg ok nobody make fun of me for posting an earnest criticism of this show i enjoy critical analysis and being a hater

i think most of why this show sucks has already been covered pretty thoroughly but these r the main things abt it that piss ME off.

the racism runs so SO deep. supernatural is supposed to be an exploration of americana thru horror (and i’ll give them that. like the idea of deconstructing america and all its fallacies thru horror is genius and in competent hands it would be absolutely incredible. but anyway) but it only really scrapes the surface of what is inherently horrific about americana! something like that is supposed to be an INTERROGATION of monstrosity and how america (and western society more broadly) creates monsters out of human beings and how white christian morals are established as the ONLY acceptable morals and how anyone who falls outside of those norms (non christian, non white, lgbt, people with substance use disorders, prisoners, the poor, indigenous people/cultures etc) are monsterized, so to speak, because of an oppressive and unloving colonial society. like u cannot have a horror narrative abt monsters attacking family values and white suburban life without invoking some very old and racist conventions! but instead of subverting that supernatural just reinforces it! it consistently fails to make any kind of real statement because the most demonized parts of society are the people who are also treated the WORST in canon! native american beliefs are stolen and turned into stupid bogeymen without the show ever featuring a native character or seriously grappling with the inherent violence of america as a colonial state, black men are consistently portrayed as angry and evil while black women are treated like shit (dean’s happy ending at the end of s5 is with a white woman he fucked one time instead of with the black woman who he was in love with??), impoverished people are mostly ignored and when they’re not theyre monsters (theres one episode centered around a poor rural family that commits murder and cannibalism. no supernatural stuff or monsters. just poor people. thats the scare).

theres this consistent fixation on preserving american suburbia, on saving “normal” (read: white middle class) people and it sets up this dynamic of like. the “real world” is the white middle class and then there’s hunters including our mains who defend that “real world” against monsters and demons, which is just Everything Else. and the writers PRETEND to struggle w the question of monsters and what makes one but they just toss it around without ever actually committing to answering that question with compassion or narrative coherency. they have multiple episodes about characters who were raised human, who want to be human, but have to be killed because of an inherent evil nature. there’s a plot in the early seasons about how one of the main characters has demonic powers, and instead of saying that doesnt make him inherently bad and he’s allowed to fully access all parts of himself without being fundamentally evil, they consistently frame intrinsically neutral traits as inherently evil specifically because they go against a christian ideal of morality! and eventually he learns to suppress these powers and that’s that!

and then it establishes christianity as the guiding principle of america, not in a way of like “american culture and history is deeply steeped in white supremacist protestantism that has led to incredibly fucked up views on god and love and morality and thats what we have to deal with as people who live here”, but in a way of like “the christian god is real and he’s a white guy who fucking hates you.” which like. Ok. they bastardize and trivialize any religions that arent christian while building the entire series on christianity. Ok. like i guess its possible to write stories about white christianity without implying that every other religion is full of shit but supernatural did not do that on any level

its also just. really poorly written. i genuinely loved the first season i thought it was really well paced and that the characters were introduced really well like the first season is a GOOD horror story in terms of family as horror and the inherent terror of americana. but the pacing and the character development started tripping up in s2. by s3 they started raising the stakes Exponentially which honestly is such a kiss of death for good fiction like every season mounting a bigger badder antagonist than the last one is the surest way to kill a story bc it means the earlier entries in that story become basically meaningless in the face of the new bad guy. u dont need to raise the stakes to write a good story! a well written story abt the horror and drama of a close knit and unhealthy family caught up in something they don’t really understand isn’t Less emotionally resonant than, like, having to stop the world from ending, because at the end of the day its Fiction and none of it matters beyond what u can make the audience really Feel. im not gonna feel sorrow if 7 billion fake little people die. i didnt cry when the death star blew up whatever planet it blew up. what DOES make me feel sorrow is a few truly well written characters whose relationships are complicated and tragic and whose motivations i can understand and whose inner lives i can imagine. raising the stakes destroys a good story and thats exactly what happened to supernatural (not that the racism and misogyny and american protestant moralizing wasn’t killing it already)

also, the misogyny makes the female characters basically impossible to watch. like not a single person on that show is a good actor (except sterling k brown love u king u were the best actor that show ever saw) but they didnt even give any of the women anything to work with. its literally so cringey to watch any woman onscreen except maybe like. bela talbot and she was treated like utter shit.

god. you know that expression dont fall in love with potential? i dont do that w people i do it w fiction. i came off black sails and the untamed and frankenstein and i watched the first couple seasons of supernatural with my friend and it was like...there was so much room for it to SAY something about monsters and how society creates them thru violence and how deeply horrific american protestantism is. like theres so many questions and concepts that it brought up that it never actually SAID something about. shithole of wasted potential. and yeah dean and castiel is stupid there i said it

[tigerdrop]

O_O okay wowy well. sure. full disclosure this feels like one of the more embarrassing things ive ever written b/c there is literally no connection to canon and its just, “well, hes a vampire now, b/c i said so and i think it would be hot”. it is not usually what i do so. heres some shit i typed in a feverish haze and woke up with no recollection of

okay listen. okay. listen. vampire. you know whats great and what i always think about with vampires and always fucking end up writing, okay. negotiated blood exchange

literally nothing is hotter on earth than willingly agreeing to let a vampire suck your blood from your wrist at regular intervals and then deviating from the negotiated terms. sorry this is insanely specific but its my fucking thing Okay

i literally cannot explain why this intensely specific thing is my specific thing but. look. okay. envision if u will, gordon freeman getting the stupidest brain worm in his head and noticing that when benrey sucks blood from other things/people, he always goes for the neck like a normal vampire would. but between the two of them he goes for the wrist b/c thats what gordon agreed to (b/c hes a human who was deeply weirded out by the whole fucking idea, but benrey needs blood, and its better to let him take some from him every once in awhile than having him go out and hunt down god knows what)

and hes like "huh. what if it tastes different when it comes from the neck." and he starts pushing benrey about it and questioning him. like a fucking idiot. a moron

like "okay man but what if you just tried it. just once is fine. i dont care. i just wanna find out" b/c hes a scientist and a researcher at heart but hes also so fucking stupid

and benreys like weirdly reluctant about it (b/c, like, gordon puts on a lot of airs about not fucking liking him and getting all up in a dudes neck zone is scarily intimate but its not like its that weird if hes doing it to a stranger or some livestock animal thats not even gonna be alive to remember it, right) and you know it turns out that that was probably wise b/c as soon as he gets up close to gordons neck he can sense his heart beating faster and the blood pumping harder and, oh, thats why benrey wasnt doing it that way, b/c when those fangs get into his neck gordon lets out a truly embarrassing sound b/c it hurts and it burns like hell but it gets him so hot its like hes been hit by lightning. and his hands instinctually scrabble at benreys shoulders

and like look one of my favorite things on earth is the "incredibly sexually charged" scene followed by both of them realizing "wait what the fuck" and having to stop what theyre doing Right The Fuck Now and then mulling over it/dreaming about it/jerking off about it/whatever and i just want gordon to be plagued and haunted by gay thoughts about okay what if they did it again

[thinks very fcking hard about gordon jerking off about it and at least a dozen times he thinks god dammit why the Fuck am i thinking about this fuck fuck stupid idiot ass as he tries and succeeds in thinking about something else for maybe like 5 seconds before coming back to the feeling that jolted through him when he got bit every time]

YOU GET IT. "gordon freeman having a gay realization and then furiously jerking off about it and hating himself for it after" is my favorite thing on earth 

leans in close to look at the marks in the mirror later and runs his fingers over them and he gets that Jolt in his stomach and he fucking drops his toothbrush on the floor

just. dreaming about it. every fucking night hes plagued by dreams of benrey doing it again, but this time hes crawling closer, a hand at gordons neck, and hes making a low sound while he sucks gordons blood like his life depends on it (well, it does, but you know what i mean) and once hes done he pulls back to drag his tongue up gordons neck and get that last bit of blood that drips down it and gordon tugs him closer and makes that goddamn embarrassing sound again and then he wakes up with the worst boner hes ever had and he jerks off thinking about benrey biting his thighs like that, too 

me: hmmm yes i am a bottom benrey truther also me: god but what if benrey made him a babbling, shuddering mess and bit that neurotic little fucker bloody and railed him within an inch of his life. what if

gordon neck bruising up a little a day or so later and. looking at himself in the mirror and wondering what it would be like if he was just. covered in em. getting bowled over and lightheaded from just how fast all the blood in his body goes to his dick at the thought of being marked. gordon freeman passes out in the bathroom from being too horny. gordon freeman forgot how sensitive his neck was because no ones touched him there in years

literally every other time they had done this he was completely normal about it and the bruises on his wrist were just, like, an annoying formality, but now that door has been unlocked bro. hes done like dinner

and then on the flip side u have benrey absolutely beating the shit out of his meat b/c gordons never, ever let him that close before and that sound he made is burned into his brain and also, you know, gordon did have a point. it did taste different

just honestly what is better than two dudes who absolutely want to bang each other furiously jerking off alone while theyre convinced the other guy would be disgusted if he knew 

and benreys thoughts turn toward shit like......what if it tastes different everywhere. what if its different when its beading up from his stomach, where the flesh is a little softer. what if its different when he sinks his teeth into the meat of gordons inner thighs. and what if gordon sounds different everywhere he bites, too

like. sensitive thighs. the tease of being close to his dick but not there

doing that shit while hes just in boxer briefs (or like short-shorts if you wanna get real slutty about it idk) and gordons so fucking hard and its so fucking obvious how hes tenting his boxers and hes got his fingers tangled in benreys hair while hes biting his thighs (you know. as an experiment. for science. hah ha. ha) and hes so close to gordons dick but benreys not doing anything about it. and its not like he can just fucking ask.......its like the weirdest game of gay chicken hes ever played

gordon freeman absolutely fucking wrecked and red in the face and sweating and panting like hes ran a fucking marathon and this bitch has the nerve to pretend like hes not having a homosexual revelation

Anyway. My final message. Goodbye

[qwertyfingers]

Hi, I'm curious, could you elaborate on what things people in SPN fandom produce that you wouldn't have been able to filter out as a teen? I'm not really sure what you're referring to. Problematic porn? Bad takes? Wanky fan activity?

okay uh CSA, incest, and suicide trigger warnings for my answer here lol

first off i dont. really think you actually need me to explain this to you and the way this is worded really feels like either an attempt to minimise some truly atrocious shit or like, imply that i think highly of myself which is not true? i'm full of bad takes bro. i don’t care what people are posting as long as it’s not harmful. but there’s a few layers to the issues i was referring to yesterday

1) while it’s gotten a LOT better over the years, the defense of john’s parenting still happens fairly frequently, and as a kid who related extremely deeply to dean’s specific brand of Menhol Eelness that kind of defense of abuse would have really messed with my headspace! it’s messed up in and off itself to defend people who harm their kids - even unintentionally! - but the way that it specifically affects children who are still being abused is the worst of it. every kid with CPTSD who’s ever had to see someone defend behaviours they recognise from their own abusive family as done out of or as excusable because they had a good reason remembers that shit for the rest of their LIFE

there are echoes of what happened to me in dean, both in the abuse and trauma itself and the way it affects him in the aftermath. to see those things minimised by fans can be really re-traumatising for people. i’m very glad that my exposure to it comes at the end of several long stints in hospital and several years of intensive therapy. i don’t know that 18yo me who attempted suicide on a near weekly basis and hallucinated my abusive step father in my house all the time could have coped with takes like ‘its okay because john was drunk and alcoholism isn’t his fault’ or ‘john wasn’t abusiv he was just grieiving’ or ‘john didn’t abuse dean, everything he did was reasonable for their lifestyle’ without becoming deeply unwell. 

2) we also all already know how much deeply fucked up incest content gets made and shared in spn circles. like, okay,  have made peace with the existence of incest shipping. i blacklist that shit and i move on. most of it is avoidable and i can kind of forget about it if i’m being careful. but some of spn fandom is on another level. people write and draw some shit that is like, actively triggering on the ‘call my therapist and beg to be sectioned’ level. i had to renew my lorazepam prescription for the first time since lockdown started lmao.  one of the fandom darling artists literally posted graphic dean/jack porn on their blog next to their really popular castiel art like. i’m not kidding when i say that would have made me hurt myself when i was younger

3) there are a LOT of really weird interactions btwn minors and adults in this fandom and while thats noit something that the corner of tumblr/discord i move through has any real problems with, i still see shit go down in other circles / servers, and the things i saw on the  periphery when i was younger tell me it used to be wayyyyyyyyyyyy worse. adults actively encouraging like 13yos to read/write porn, children being pressured into incest content, 30yo+ people having intensely sexual interactions with minors like. 

as someone who is generally of the belief that ‘minors n adults shouldnt interact online’ is the dumbest shit i’ve ever heard, supernatural fandom does sometimes make me think im wrong and wish i could set everyone under the age of 18 in a safe enclosure away from some of the insane people that go here like. 

in general i think that teens having adult friends in fandom is good becuase it allows an avenue for discussing legitimate issues you have and they can be really helpful to help rpotect young people! I literally owe my adult fandom friends from my own childhood for giving me the lagnuage to talk about the abuse i faced and they were the first people who ever made me feel like i had a way out of my situation. without older online friends i might never have found out that the reason i had no interest in sex was because of trauma, or figured out that the reason reading fic about women or trans men upset me so much was because i was projecting my trauma onto them, and with cis mens bodies i didnt have that issue. i owe all of those things to adults who in the modern day might be chastised for being friends with me because i was young, but i needed them! 

all this is to say that i think the breadth of inappropriate adult/minor interactions over the years have led to an environment where a generation of 20-somethings are now terrified of interacting with teenagers (for fear of becoming the adults who traumatised them), and a generation of teenagers who are largely terrified of talking to adults (for fear of being traumatised) and miss out on guiding hands that some of them really need. if the adults in your physical life harm you, and you cannot turn  to adults on the internet, what do you do? 

4) i’m so tired of people writing underage porn, bro. there are enough adults in this show, grow the fuck up