#some day... some day i will do a full rewatch and just vomit my thoughts all over tumblr in a more linear and comprehensive fashion

[firelxdykatara]

One of these days I really do need to sit down and do a full Buffy rewatch. It's been a very long time since I've watched the whole show, beginning to end, without jumping to my favorite episodes and then losing track and trailing off. But part of the problem is that every time I think about doing this, I then think about how much time I will have to spend perceiving Xander Harris' existence (a character whom I loathe a little more each and every time I put on an episode of the show, especially when I do a full season rewatch), and I just feel so tired in my fucking bones about it. I don't know if I am strong enough!

Doesn't help that I just watched a youtube video on why Xander is the Worst with a capital W, which in the process reminded me of some of the things he did which I'd evidently blocked completely from my memory. You mean to tell me (as if I had not seen it with my own two eyes multiple times and each time managed, somehow, to purge it from my memory completely) that Xander fucking Harris is the reason Buffy tries to go after Riley (a character I also hate, but unlike Xander, he's only around for two seasons and is ultimately pretty irrelevant and easy to ignore), only to get there too late and watch him leave in a fucking helicopter, crying over him as if she'd lost something significant.

Instead of leaving it at her choosing to let go of a relationship that was going nowhere, and never had been, because she did not love him (seriously, just, compare the way Buffy behaves around him during their relationship with her behavior around Angel and Spike during their respective relationship arcs and tell me you don't see a diffeerence) and he very clearly did not understand her or her burden and had no intention of trying because being with the strongest woman in the world who didn't need him around all the time to be her big strong protector made him feel like less of a man... she has to stand there and get her heart broken, realizing what she lost just a little too late to do anything about it.

All because Xander had to give her his little fucked up 'you need to go after him and beg him to stay! he's perfect for you!' speech.

(There's something in there about Xander needing her to pick Riley and be with Riley because Riley is the normal everyman and it would be, symbolically, him triumphing over Angel after all if she chose the normal boring human dude over a grr face and angst, but it's been a little too long for me to write that essay, it'd have to come in the course of the full rewatch I keep meaning to start and not getting around to because of aforementioned anger about Xander Fucking Harris.)

This on top of shit like 'Xander has a witch help him do a love spell that backfires horribly and instead of facing any consequences from that he has Buffy thanking him for not sexually assaulting her while she was maigcally roofied by, and I cannot stress this enough, the spell he sought out a witch to perform (because he actually wanted to assault Cordelia in revenge for dumping him, but since he saves her from the situation he put her in she decides to give their relationship another chance)' (and in the very next season he cheats on Cordelia with Willow, who is wracked with guilt over what happened and spends multiple episodes trying to make things up to Oz and fix their relationship but Xander has to do none of this cause it's whatever to him I guess lmao), and also him lying about Angel which Buffy never figures out which sticks in my craw like a really bad rash... gods.

See I'm already writing an essay and I haven't done a full rewatch in years 😭😭😭 I love the show so much but I hate Xander SO much I truly suffer more than Jesus for my girl.

[justmymindandstuff]

Where's my fucking teenage dream? - Lip Gallagher x Milkovich Reader

Summary: Your boyfriend Lip behaves strange since a few weeks and hardly has any time for you. Then your birthday comes round and everyone around you seems to have forgotten about it. You're having a shit day, but Lip manages to cheer you up with a surprise.

Words: 4.676

Warnings: slightly angst, smoking,swearing, underage drinking, fluff, brief mention of sex

Titel: Brutal by Olivia Rodrigo

A/N: I rewatched Shameless and just wanted to write this. No use of Y/N // GIF not mine // AO3

Hope you have fun :) Just love to you.

The ringing of your alarm clock tears you out of your sleep. You turn from side to side and bury your head in the pillow. But, of course the alarm does not stop "Turn that fucking thing off." you get hit by a pillow. You get out of your bed and turn off your alarm. It´s finally quiet, but not for long, than your cousin Milly has decided to start her day with insults towards you.

"Fuck off and get a job." you say unimpressed. You sigh and put on a old sweater over your top. You leave your room and slam the door into the lock with a loud bang to get on your cousins nerves. You go through the stuffed hallway and to the bathroom.

You turn on the shower and wait a minute, but the water doesn't get hot. Of course, somebody forgot to pay the fucking bill. Annoyed you get into the shower, the cold water wakes you up, but it not helps you to relax. Your day is already fucking shit and its not even 9 a.m. And because it is never been quiet in this fucking house, the bathroom door opens. "I'm taking a shower." you shout angrily and bend past the shower curtain. Your brother Iggy looks at you, turns his eyes and then just sits on the toilet.

"Not my problem" he says, and lits a cigarette. You sigh frustrated, grab your towel and turn the shower out. You wrap yourself in your towel and then run out of the bathroom before your brother can really start his business. In the hallway, you run against a couple of empty beer bottles. You go back to your room, Mandy's bed is empty, but Milly is still lying on her mattress, but she's already asleep again. You slide into some fresh clothes, tie your hair back and leave your room again. The staircase is gnawing as you run down, you take a cigarette from one of the packages which are lying around everywhere here. You ligh it when you go downstairs. You look at the couch where Terry is sleeping. He smells like beer and vodka. It's a habit to feel if he still has a pulse and then turn his head to the side. You don´t want him to suffocate on his own vomit. You don't feel like removing the dead body, it's definitely a lot of work. Again you stumble over half-empty beer bottle as you go into the kitchen. You're making yourself a coffee while you're putting dirty dishes aside. Tired you lean to the kitchen counter, somewhere in the house your brothers start screaming. You close your eyes, sigh and put out your cigarette. You don't care why your brothers scream. Terry calls something from the couch, but you're sure he will fall back asleep in a few seconds. The house is always noisy. It's full of your brothers and sisters and some cousins appearing and disappearing again. Your uncle lives here, when he is not in prison.

"Is there still coffee?“ Micky comes into the kitchen, you turn to him.

"Yes." you say and give him a cup out of the cupboard in front of you.

"By the way Happy Birthday." he says and puts a kiss on your cheek.

"Thank you." you are surprised that he thought of your birthday, but that´s why he is your favorite brother after all. Micky poured coffee, opened the refrigerator and then closed it again. He leans against the kitchen counter an lights a cigarette. "What are you doing today?“

"Gallagher." you answer, and Micky nods.

"I have a few things to do, after that I will come too" he says and disappears again from the kitchen. You drink your coffee, grab your jacket, and put on your shoes. Three of your brothers are coming down the stairs. Colin calls your name before you get out of the door.

"What?“

“We want to repaint the cars today. Come with us?“ he asks, his breath already smells like beer. Does he brush his teeth with it?

"No time," you say.

"What about Mandy and Milly?“

"Mandy is not here and Milly is asleep."

Your brother nods and takes a sip of his beer.

"Everything else?" you ask annoyed. Your day started shit and you just want to get out of this shit house.

"No, why?“ You roll your eyes and just disappear from the house. When the door falls behind you, you breathe deeply. The sun shines in your face and you light another cigarette. Of course you didn't expect your family to throw you a birthday party, but the fact that Micky was the only one how think about it is a little disappointing for you. But what did you expect? You try to not let it get under your skin and swallow your sadness. You can't expect anything from your family, and yet they're always manage to dissapoined you. Damn Milkovich junk. You run down the street. You can follow the path blindly and without really having to think about it your feet automatically lead you to your boyfriends house.

His little brother Ian just comes out of the door in sportswear and running shoes. When he sees you he smiles and greets you with a hug. You're happy to see him.

"Will you come for a run with me?" he asks.

"No, not today.“

"What's in your hair?“ he wipes some shampoo out of your hair with one finger and you sigh .

“Iggy decided to fucking take a shit while I was in the shower. I just run."

Ian starts laughing. “Just go finish the shower here. We even have hot water at the moment.“

"I love you, Ian.“

"Don't let our brothers hear this.“

"Is Lip still asleep?“

"No, he was already gone when I woke up.“

"Where is he?“ you ask, surprised. You actually thought he would be here and you would spend the morning and day together.

"I don't know." Ian shrugs his shoulders. “He was home late yesterday so we couldn´t talk very much."

You bite your lip. Your boyfriend has been gone a lot in the last few weeks. And most of the time he didn't tell you where he was. He even forgot a datenight. Something that has never happened before. Your stomach tightens. Even if you don't want to, the thoughts have already occurred to you. Is he cheating on you? Again and again in the last few weeks you thought about it. Lip had become inattentive and hadn't been home even though he said he would be there. Suddenly he had less time for you.

"Does he have another?“ the words just slip out of your mouth. Ian looks at you as if he was hit by lightning, then shakes his head.

"Not that I would know.“

"Would you know?“ you asks quietly.

“Lip tells me everything.“ he answers in a confident tone and smiles at you. "Do not worry. Would Lip also tell him that he cheats on Ians best friend?

"Okay. Then I'll just wait for him." Ian nods to you and then puts on his headphones in, you turn around and run up the stairs to the Gallagher - house, while Ian goes for his run.

The door is not locked and when you enter you are welcomed by the smell of coffee and breakfast. Fiona rummages around in the kitchen with panes, pots and plates, while Debby and Liam sit at the table. A cell phone clamps on Finoas ear and she talks with somebody on the phone in a stressed tone. Nevertheless, she smiles when she sees you.

"Good morning," says Debby.

"Good morning Gallaghers," you greet them all.

"Lip is not there," says Debby as she eats her bread.

"I know," you say.

"Debs, we have to go." Fiona ends her phone call and claps in her hands. "Can you wake Carl up? I have to go to the dentist with Debby and Liam."

"Yes, I do. Is it okay for you if I wait here for Lip?"

"Of course. Liam shoes.” Fiona slides past you stressed and throws a jacket at Debby. The little girl pushes her bread into her mouth and then lifts the little Liam out of his chair. Five minutes later, the three are out of the house. You run up the stairs, the door to Lip's, Ian's and Carl's room is slightly opened and you push it up. Carl is lying on his bed, sleeping deeply and firmly. You bow down to him and shake him slightly on the shoulder.

"Waken up Little One." He's just rumbling and turning away from you. You just take the blanket off him. "I said wake up."

"I don't want to."

"You have to. Get up."

"It's summer holidays."

"Summer holidays have been over for two weeks."

Carl is annoyed, but then sits up in bed and wipes the sleep out of his eyes. "But it's weekend."

"You have to get up anyway."

"You're worser than Fiona."

"Thank you. Should I make you breakfast?“

"I can do it myself." he looks around the room. "Where is Lip?“

"I have no idea. Out somewhere.“

"Again?“

"Apparently." you say in a sad tone. Luckily Carl doesn't notice it and yawns. Then gets up from his bed. He goes pass you to the bathroom. You look around in the boys' room, dirty clothes, shoes, garbage and other stuff is all over the place. You fall on Ian's unmade bed and take a cigarette out of the pack from the windowsill. While you smoke your cigarette, you think about cleaning up the room for a while, but then you reconsider. You don´t even clean your room, why start with the Gallagher Boys room? You see Lips math textbook and pick it up form the floor. You open it on the page where the tasks for your homework are. Thank God Lip has already written the solutions to the sides in his messy handwriting. You throw the cigarette out the window and get out of bed. You search through the things on the table for pencil and paper and start to write down the solutions. Why do you have a genius as a boyfriend if you don't sometimes steal his math homework? When you're done with copying, you put the textbook back. Then you get up, you listen to Carl down in the kitchen, hoping he won't burn the house down while trying to make breakfast. You go to the bathroom and take a shower. As Ian promised, the water warm up after a short time. You quickly slip out of your clothing and get under the hot shower. For the first time today, you feel relaxed. You don't know why your day is so shity . Your birthday isn't so important to you that the fact that everybody but Micky forgot about it should ruin your day, but it still makes you sad. Besides the constant doubts about whether Lip is cheating on you or not brings your mood further down You close your eyes and let the hot water run over you. As you finally wash the shampoo out of your hair, you feel a little better. You turn off the shower again and put on your clothes again. You're glad you found a clean towel for your hair.

You go down the stairs, Carl has managed to make cereals and is sitting at the table now.

"I made you coffee," he says.

"Thank you, Carl," you say, and take the fresh cup.

"Fiona said I can go to the old tracks today," he lies.

"Fiona didn't say that." Carl looks to the side and pushes his lips forward. "I'm not Fiona. I won't forbid you to go."

"And you won´t tell Fiona anything?"

"I won't lie if she asks." Carl smiles, jumps up and leaves the house. Immediately you are surrounded by silence. When you woke up this morning, you wanted silence. Now the silence in the house makes you feel lonely. You drink your coffee, which is a little too strong, but you're touched by Carl's gesture. He's chaotic, but he's a nice boy. The door opens, you turn around and your heart jumps when you see Lip. Without being able to prevent it, you have to smile.

"There is my birthday girl," he says when he sees you. He comes to you through the living room into the kitchen and puts a kiss on your cheek. "Have you been here for a long time?" he asks and sits next to you. Immediately his hand finds yours.

"No, maybe an hour. Where were you?"

"Outside" he answers you. You nod and your stomach cramps again.

"Where are the others?"

"Everybody is on the way. But Ian should be back soon."

Now Lip nods and stands up. "I'll be right back, wait here," he says and goes up the stairs, confused you stay sitting at the kitchen table. A few minutes later, Lip comes down the stairs again. "Are you ready?"

"For what?" you ask.

"For your birthday surprise," he says. Immediately your heart beats faster again and you can only smile. A birthday surprise? For you?

Quickly you tie your still wet hair in a ponytail and get up from the table.

"I'm ready," you declare. Lip smiles, bends and expresses a quick kiss on your lips. Then he takes your hand and leads you out of the frontdoor. There is a car in front of the house. You don't know enough about cars to recognize the brand, but you know enough to realize it is a expensive car.

"I have borrowed it from Steve" Lip answers your unspoken question.

"You borrowed a stolen car?"

"Yep. But before you say anything, all your brothers' cars are also stolen." You're turning your eyes, but he's right. Lip opens the passenger door for you and you slide onto the soft leather seat. You've never been in a car that expensive. It's not comparable to the car your father drives and you sometimes secretly borrow to practice driving. No driping oil, no cigarette-smelling, dirty seats, no crumbling engine. Lip sits on the driver's seat and starts driving, after he turns on the engine. Lips driving does not reveal that he doesn't have a driver's license. You press the button on the door and the next moment the windows roll down and the warm summer breeze blows around your ears and hair.

"Where are we going?"

"To a nicer place." Lip puts its hand on your thigh as he drives through the south side and a pleasant tingling spreads under your skin. It's almost disgusting how in love you are with him. For a second, you ask yourself if these hands have touched another woman this morning, but you quickly push away this thoughts. Today is your birthday and you're spending it with Lip. He has planed a surprise just for you. He wouldn´t do that if he didn't love you. The area is rapidly becoming better, the shops with broken windows, the graffiti-sprayed house walls and the unmaintained courtyards disappear from your sight as you leave the Soutside behind you. It doesn't take long and Lip parks the car in the parkinglot of Grant Park. "Grant Park?"

"It's beautiful here. Perfect for a picnic."

"We're going to have a picnic?" you ask surprised, but you can't get the smile out of your face. It sounds dumb, but a picnic is something you always associate with bored housewives and teenagers from rich homes. Sitting on a blanket in the park and eating snacks? Only people in movies do that. Milkovichs don't have time for that. Your family more likely spend the days stealing, drinking, smoking, fighting and other criminal things to get some money in your pockets.

"Stupid idea?" asks Lip, and uncertainty flashes through his eyes. You turn to him, bow over the car's middle console and kiss him.

"Perfect idea," you say. Immediately the smile is back on his face again, he kisses you again quickly and then gets out of the car. You grab the door handle, but Lip calls a quick. "Don´t touch this." and you're pulling your hand back. He comes around the car and opens the door for you. Then he reach for your hand and help you out of the car. You didn't even know your boyfriend was a fucking gentleman. If his brothers would see him now, they would laugh at him.

The sun shines in your face as you look around. People are everywhere and everyone seems relaxed and happy. You see mothers with their children, elder people on a walk, and families running across the meadows. Everything seems somehow slower here, nobody seems stressed. Lip goes to the trunk, takes out a bag and a cooler and comes back to you. You reach for the bag to take something off him, but he pulls the bag away from your hand, hangs it over his shoulder, and instead grips your hand. You go hand in hand into the park and find yourself a nice place for your picnic. Lip lays out a blanket he brought and places the bags on the side of it. You make yourself comfortable on the blanket and hold your face in the sun.

"You're beautiful."

You have to bite on the inside of your cheek so you don't laugh because of the awkward feeling Lip's words left as you turn your head to him. He's sitting next to you and just stars at you. "I know I don't say that often enough. But you're beautiful." You can feel the red on your cheeks. You've never been good at accept compliments.

"Softy," you say with a smile and kiss his cheek. Lip slips closer to you and puts a arm around your shoulder. You cuddle at him and breathe his familiar smell. "Also it's not true."

"What do you mean?"

"You often tell me I'm beautiful. But usually only when you're balls deep in me."

Lip laughs. "Shame on me that I speak the truth when I come." You also have to laugh and roll your eyes. Lip kisses you, the kiss is more passionate than you have expected. His lips wander over your cheek and he kisses your earlobe before he whispers in your ear. "I'll tell you later again after you came screaming on my tongue and my cock." after his words, he bites slightly into your earlobe, and a pleasant shiver runs over your neck and arms. You push him slightly to the side and laugh.

"Stop with your dirty Southside tongue you are ruinng our fancy picnic." you laugh.

"Oh yeah, of course. Wait, I'll be the gentleman you deserve again." He closes his eyes for a moment and breathes deep. Then he opens his eyes again and puts a gentle, innocent kiss on your lips. Your heart almost explodes and you beam at him like a lovesick teenager. To be honest you are a lovesick teenager.

"Idiot."

"Your idiot. But you are right its time for our picnic." he turns to his side and opens the cooler. He takes out a bottle of champagne, two large boxes full of sushi and a bowl of strawberries covered with dark chocolate, and places everything on the blanket in front of you. You love sushi, it's your absolute favorite food, even if you rarely eat it. The supermarket sushi tastes like shit and real sushi is usually too expensive for you. You always have to save on it to enjoy it, but that just makes it more special. Chocolate strawberries is your favorite dessert. You're briefly surprised that Lip knows this about you. But why shouldn't he? He knows everything about you.

You look at him shocked. "Are you crazy?" you ask. Of course you can recognize the logo on the To Go boxes. It belongs to a fancy sushi restaurant in the city, the store is said to have the best sushi in the whole city and is of course fucking expensive.

"Crazy for you."

"Lip that must have cost a fortune."

"Nonsense. Don't think about it. Today is your special day and I wanted to do something special. Besides, I can't hear your complaints anymore that you can never taste the best sushi in the city and that it breaks your heart to have to die without having tasted such a delicious treat." He overdramatizes your tone, with which you once complained that this restaurant is so expensive. You have to laugh and salp him in the side.

"Thank you," you come out and your voice shakes slightly, you're so moved by his gesture that you have to swallow in order not to cry. Maybe you are the softy.

"Everything for you, my birthday girl," he smiles. He pushes the bottle into your hand and takes two plastic cups out of your bag. "Would you?" he asks with a nod to the bottle.

"No. " you say, and you put the champagne in his hand. The last time you tried to open a bottle with a cork, you only spread the content on the floor and on your clothes. Lip takes the bottle and starts opening it. You're watching how his thumb hold on to the cork and just gently let it slip out of the bottle.

"Is there something you can't do?"

"If so, I can learn it. I'm a smart boy."

"And not arrogant at all," you laugh and roll your eyes.

"Give me the cups," he just says, and you give them to him. Lip starts pouring the champagne into the plastic cups. You take the cover from the sushi boxes and take out the chopsticks that come with it. You want to rub them together to get rid of small wood pieces, but then you realize that the wood is coated and has no wood pieces. Even the fucking chopsticks from this restaurant are fancy. Lip gives you a cup and you give him his chopsticks. You slide a little back and forth on the blanket until you have found a comfortable position to eat.

"Cheers to you," says Lip, holding up his plastic cup. You laugh, klings your cup at his and take a sip. The champagne prickles on your tongue and you can´t get the smile out of your face anymore. You look at every piece of Shushi and think about what your first bite will be. Lip is watching you closely, and a smile dances around his lips. You make your choice and when the taste of the sushi floods your mouth you have to moan, so delicious it is. You've never eaten anything better in your life.

"And as delicious as you imagined it?"

"Better," you answer.

"Thank god. I don´t have a plan B." Lip laughs and only now takes a piece of herself. You enjoy your food in pleasant silence. The sun shines on you, you hear the laughter of the people around you and everything is peaceful. Champagne and delicious food. This is the best birthday you've ever had. You're so fed up with all the sushi that you only eat two chocolate strawberries before you lay back.

"If I eat one more bite, I'll blow up."

"Me too," says Lip, but pushes another strawberry into his mouth before putting it back into the cooler. Then he whipes his hands and gives you a cigarette and a lighter.

"Are you ready for your gift?" asks Lip after you both smoked relaxedly and you actually wanted to make yourself comfortable again his chest.

"I thought this was my gift?" you ask confused.

"No, this was just the right frame for your gift," replies Lip, bending back to the bag and pulling out a coffer. "This is your gift." He handed it to you and you just stared at him for a moment. You didn't expect another gift. Lip looks at you, but the way his fingers hit the blanket next to him and the slight wiping of his knee next to yours reveals that he's nervous. You can feel tears accumulating in your eyes becouse you are moved by his gesture, you quickly blink them away.

"Thank you," you say, even if your voice sounds a little thin.

"Open it before you say thank me. Maybe you don´t like it."

"I won't." you say, but you still open the gift. On a small pillow lies a silver necklace with a small silver heart charm. There is an "L" engraved on it and your heart is beating faster. The necklace is beautiful. Now you can't hold back your tears. You can feel them running over your cheek. Lip not just remember your birthday, he even arranged a picnic and bought you a gift, and it is a nice one. No one has ever did something like this for you." "Thank you," you bring out and your voice breaks.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. Can you help me?" you hold the necklace to him and he nods. You turn around and hold your hair out of the way, so Lip can put the necklace around you. You turn around again and smiles at him, than you lay your hands on his cheeks and kiss him.

"Thank you so much Lip, for the picnic and the necklace and the sushi. You are the best boyfriend that ever existed." you say.

"I will do everything for you." he says and smiles. His nervousness has disappeared. Your hands start to play with the chain. It's unusual for you to wear jewellery, you don´t even have real jewllery. You sigh contentedly. But suddenly a thought occurs to you.

"Did you steal it?"

Lip starts to laugh. ‘No! I bought it.After all I'm not a Milkovich." You slap him lightly on the shoulder again, even though the comparison isn't far off.

"How did you get the money for all this Lip?" you ask and your fingers touch the metal around your neck. Warmth fills your heart at the feeling of the necklace on your neck. He has given you a token of his love, for everyone to see.

"I helped Steve a little bit with the cars and gave some extra tutoring." he replies.

"Thats the reason why you had so little time for me. To finance my birthday present?" and a wave of guilt overwhelms you. He worked his ass off to fund you a nice day and a gift and you thought he was cheating on you.

"Yes, what did you think I was doing?" You bite your lip and look embarrassed to the ground. You can feel his gaze on your side, yet you don't look at him as you speak.

"Fucking another woman." you whisper quietly, but of course he heard you. He says your name, but you don't look at him. You're too ashamed of your thoughts. Lip gently puts a hand on your cheek and turns your face so you have to look at him. He sighs.

"I would never do that. Do you hear me? Never! I love you! I love you so much that it hurts. You're the only reason I don't get crazy with all the shit with my family and Frank and school and everything else. You understand me, you know exactly how shit the Southside is, how shit it is to be poor. I love you so much and you make me so happy. And I promise you I'll make sure I get us out of here. I'll make sure we have a better life. Together. You and the thought of our future together is the only thing that keeps me going." this time you can't stop the tears running over your cheeks, and your heart almost jumps out of love. You bow down and kiss him.

"I love you, too. Forever."

[thistechnologicalterror]

For the roleplayer, what got you into Star Wars?

[ The Author: Me? ]

[ Uhh, hmm ]

[ I don't know what exactly got me into it, probably KOTOR (Knights of the Old Republic) or Dark Forces: Jedi Knights. See, thing is, when I get into something I generally need something or someone or some concept to attach too--and it was one of the franchises, for the longest time, where I simply didn't. ]

[ I liked watching it tho, on occasion, but actually it used to annoy the hell outta me. Cos like i said, I had nothing that attached me to it, nothing that got me invested beyond the surface ( Well fuck I'm more like Anakin than I thought-- shit XD ) ]

[ So how bout I go into a long spiel, and vomit a word wall? I don't talk often without playing Vader, so might as well have at least a small break. ]

[ So let's get personal, hm? ]

[ Whenever I think of Star Wars merits, I think of the song "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal. It probably has something to do with Tim Burton's Batman being around before the Prequels, and the line "you became the light on the darkside of me" ]

[ And I remember the first time I saw Star Wars. ]

[ I mean, bits of it. I was real little, back in the ancient days of Cable Television, and Dad was flipping through channels--and the Sci-Fi channel was playing "New Hope" (Probably in preparation for the Prequels--I was baby at the time ), and it was the one before it became a New Hope--so we're talking unedited OG title drop "Star Wars". ]

[ And it was the Garbage Disposal scene. I remember seeing three people, two dudes in armor and a lady, surrounded by garbage and water, and seeing the *thing* pop out and pull one (Later to be known as "Luke") down into the water. ]

[ And I thought he was dead. I was uh, exposed as a baby to old films where, if you see someone pulled into the water by a monster--you knew they were dead. But no, he popped up fine afterwards. Then the walls started caving in ]

[ And as a child, when the walls start coming in, you knew they were dead. But no, the walls stopped in the nick of time and they cheered. ]

[ And then dad changed the channel not long after. ]

[ The only other times I got exposed to Star Wars after that, was watching Dad play Star Wars video games, like KOTOR or Dark Forces or that one old video game where you get to fly an X-Wing ]

[ I think it wouldn't be until just before the prequels really started coming in, that I was allowed to watch the full original Trilogy. And I mean, the unedited ones, with Han Solo firing first and Boba Fett as played by Jeremy Bulloch with his Clint Eastwood attitude. ]

[ I remember the Prequels too. I remember how off they were--as a kid, the style of the prequels contrasted with the OG Trilogy, they didn't seem to fit even though everyone insisted they fit. Hell, they still don't fit--two different styles with two different eras of writing and lore ]

[ And I remember how Bored I was. Like, they were Boring. Like, if I wanted bad CGI Action with good thrills, I'd go to "Men in Black". If I wanted Star Wars, I'd go to the OG trilogy. If I wanted prepetual whining and complaining quirky characters, I'd turn to Nickelodeon ]

[ Frankly, after a recent rewatching... I'm still fucking bored of em. ]

[ Even with the Clones, they were... Well, Redshirts. Nothing in the films really made you care about them. Nothing in the films really made you care about much else either, so eeeeh ]

[ But Thousands of Years Ago, in the year of 2005 or 6, I watched Revenge of the Sith, and I saw Order 66. And I cognizant enough of events in movie enough to wonder "Now hold on. The clones and Jedi were friends for years, how would a single order cause this? It has to be Dark Side Mindcontrol"... and before TCWs was even a twinkle in my eye, or even a twinkle in the network's eye, it was one of the only things that really got me thinking in the Prequels. Cos, you don't just randomly turn on your friends based on something vague and stupid, not with all of Star Wars' buildup a the time ]

[ Then, in... hmmm, I was in highschool at the time I think... I saw a commercial trailer on Cartoon Network, for The Clone Wars show. And I wasn't interested in Star Wars like that, like I said it annoyed me. Especially this trailer. ]

[ Cos it was weird worm things that went up your nose. ]

[ And to a teenage me, that was just Dumb. ]

[ Now, cut to billions of years in the future, in the far off distant planet of 2020, and I working a dull stressful job (that eventually drained my sanity dangerously in that following summer), and I was thinking about that trailer for one reason or another ]

[ And I decided, I was gonna look up the Clone Wars show. There was something I wanted from it, I don't quite remember what it was right now, I might later. ( It might've had something to do with Homestuck) ]

[ and, I fell in love with it. ]

[ The animations style reminded me of an old CGI favorite, ReBoot (and probably Code Lyoko), the personality of the Clones immediately caught my attention, then there was the short thoughtful stories and arcs of adventure. It expanded so much, made mere boring concepts in the prequels into full blown elements that you could touch and feel ]

[ and hell, it got me through some dark times. ]

[ So I found my first real attachments to Star Wars-- the Clones. Not the Live Action Clones, not the Prequels--the show's Clones, in their CGI voice acted glory. ]

[ And that's where I ran into the concept of the Chip, and that, was brilliant, it reconciled a long time question I had for the Prequels. ]

[ And wouldn't you know, that same spring came Season 7 of TCWs. Cos to remind, the original TCWs started prior to the Star Wars sequels, in the year of 2009, and was canceled in the first year of the Sequels, 2014. So TCWs was apart of pre-Disney Star Wars. ]

[ So Season 7 was a full on 6 years after Season 6 ]

[ And... that's where I found my second set of attachments. And its extremely rare for me, to love a full group of characters all at once. Usually its niche ones here and there that gets me attached to a full series. ]

[ And like most of us doing these blogs--that group was "The Bad Batch", long before their series. Gods I could go on about them, but we're not here for an analysis ]

[ And then came the Order 66 episodes, and I was in utter hurt for the longest time. Cos well, I had attachments, (which is a no no in Jedi code) to the Clones, and Order 66 became the worst thing imaginable. It was... so unbelievably unfair, knowing that those I loved were in the worst place imaginable, and were not only not saved, but were unsaveable. ]

[ Worst kind of broken heart ]

[ Then, billions of years later, the universe ended, the big bang happened, galaxies were formed and I started playing Darth Vader. Cos, I remember the OG, I remember from my childhood what I thought and felt about Darth Vader. He was a helluva of a presence, and I remember that I fucking hated how Disney played him. ]

[ He wasn't an overly fantastic presence, some symbol of power or representation, he was a grounded armored combatant with issues and years behind him. He wasn't some whiny jedi farm boy, he was a soldier who's both gone through some shit and done a lot of bad shit. ]

[ He isn't going to walk in a room and tear a ship apart from around him to throw at you, no, he was gonna walk up and fucking stab you, because someone who's on a constant march across a galaxy isn't gonna waste energy on petty magic warriors with laser sticks. If you backtalk him, he silents you. If you're proud beyond your merits, he snarks at you. ]

[ And if he's redeemed, inspite of all he's done, he's going to have some unique perspectives, and a whole of self reconciliation to do ]

[ He's a great way to have humor, history, a way to explore star wars from start to finish, and to bring to light and life what one little child watching a garbage disposal scene saw, when they first entered the Star Wars. ]

[yostresswritinggirl]

@butterfly-mochi​ Rewrote this freaking thing thrice because it keeps getting deleted wth tumblr agjvahkfajkvk- I enjoyed writing it a lot tho and since I’m too weak to the characters I ended up writing for all of them (except for Sucrose, im sorry bb huhu, I ran out of brain power). This is my first time writing for so many of them in one go so please excuse me for any mistakes or blandness ywy thank you for letting me write for my baby Ganyu too hhhhh

Universe Reversal 2

Genshin Impact Character Reader and Modern Players with Zhongli, Childe & Ganyu (how they simp for you) (event masterlist / Part 1 / Part 3)

Zhongli the F2P

The most relatable out of the bunch because this man is still broke and can only rely on the primogems he can farm. And he had a LOT. The one thing he doesn’t have a lot on, however, is his luck.

So how did he manage to pull you?: Well after exhausting all his primogem on your banner with nothing but weapons and other characters, he has lost his resolve. But by some weird luck, there was a character bug that was fixed and in his email was the almighty consolation primogem. Enough for ONE pull. And by the Gods he FINALLY got you.

He’d nonchalantly post his screenshot of pulling you using a single acquaint fate in his friend group without any words and everyone else just loses their shit. “You got them in one pull?!” “Yeah” A riot.

This was partnered with the fact that not only is Zhongli an F2P player, but also barely has any five star characters.

He looks calm and apathetic over the news, but behind the screen he’s exhausted and relieved, silently livid.

He has no primogems left to squeeze for a constellation so you’re instead pampered with the best weapon suitable for you (because that’s all he keeps getting).

Zhongles spends most of his time farming for materials to quickly level you up, unlocking all your stories and voiceline, but he fucked up on your build (his artifacts are messy).

He follows communities, forums and videos regarding your character to know all the things he needs to perfect your build. You can barely make a dent against normal mobs, so he knew he was doing something VERY wrong.

Is the type of person to keep refreshing the page for new content, very updated.

Ask him a question about your character and he’s gonna bring you the word vomit that is his research. He’s not gonna stop- probably accidentally developed a copypasta for you.

Also follows your VA in both Tiktok and Twitter to indulge in every bit of content. He also has that screenshot of his pull saved and locked.

On his birthday, a friend of his gifted him a chibi plushie of you and he has treasured it ever since, treating and handling it like its a figurine.

“It is merely pure luck and grace from the gacha gods that I got this character, and I will make sure that they know I am very grateful for this fortune.”

Favorite Voiceline: Birthday Message

Childe The Whaler

This lucky wealthy bastard with no remorse for his money whales for EVERY character. He’s making a collection, which is to get all the characters, especially the five stars. So when your banner finally popped up, he’s gonna square up and trigger a whole ass meteor shower.

How he pulled you: Money. His luck with this games are actually not the best so he always compensates with money, he got you halfway through the first failed pity, almost giving him a heart attack that he might actually break the bank just to get you.

And then he pulls more to raise your constellation lol.

The first thing he does is look over your character info and read through it all; constellation infos, your base stats, artifact compatibility.

At the end when he’s maximized everything, he would then focus on playing around with your character *coughs climbing noises coughs*

He thought you’d just be another part of his collection but playing with your character was very enjoyable and in-line with his playstyle- oops 100 screenshots with the Kamera-

Any and all merchandise that he fancies would be his, and he’s definitely flexing it to the other sweetie nerds who call themselves simps. He’s fighting for the simping title, and he’s currently neck and neck with this fanartist in Pixiv.

Speaking of that fanartist, he definitely commissioned an expensive and detailed portrait of you, full rights and everything. No one else was allowed to use it but him.

Was also the first one with the audacity to call out your VA to create an account on Tiktok to create more content with your voice. He was successful.

His obssession also comes in the form of self-indulgent contents, and had been keeping track of the ship wars happening. During conventions, he cosplays as the character shipped with you the most (or the character he thinks should end up with you).

Silently scrutinizing those who cosplay you, only ever taking pictures with/of the best looking one, sorry haha

Definitely flaunts that you are his waifu/husbando and will fight for best girl/best boy during debates or polls. Has mobilized the community to vote for you once. He’s very persuasive.

“Hm? Why I’m just the best collector in the game, and I am more than happy to let everyone know that I am their number one fan haha, everyone who claims otherwise is definitely wrong!”

Favorite Voiceline: More About (Y/N) I-IV, (Y/N)’s Hobbies...

Ganyu the Employed

Ganyu, our dearest overworker, is one of the players in the older stage who actually has a job but still plays Genshin for their past times. The gorgeous sceneries and the music is her main focus in playing the game, not much of a try-hard but still decent in the combat mechanics.

How she pulled you: You came home within 50 pulls! And you appeared again after another 10 pull! Ganyu was so SHOOKT and so distressed because oh goodness, what does she do? She doesn’t know anything much about you!

Will rewatch your three trailers to try and understand your skills better, ended up saving the soundtracks from them because that was such a nice trailer music! Tnbee gains a new follower!

Ganyu will take a while before she can properly play or build you up because she’s so busy with work, she only ever plays when she feels fully done with her work.

During her break she plays with your character while multi-tasking on eating, earphones plugged in and sight on the phone as she farms materials and artifacts for you.

The moment she gets more help from her player friends tho, holy shit, you just ended up being so OP. She had so many good artifacts and weapons for you because she didn’t know what they were for before.

She loves how you’re so easy to use and can easily solo the enemies and even the boss fights. A huge breather, because now Ganyu can cheese the battles that takes a while, to give her more time to focus on the storyline and lores.

Since Ganyu plays for the story and aesthetic, she’ll find you almost always in her team. Still very proud of her pull, she makes the best screenshots of your fights or in the best angle through exploration.

Treasures you so much she starts talking to her phone- “Ah, no, please don’t fall.” “There’s violetgrass up there, let’s try and get it”

Blushes everytime you produce a sound when climbing, doesn’t change you anyways tho

Hums to your trailer music while working, and if permitted, would have the song on repeat while she buries herself in work. She finds it really refreshing and the time she spends in work miraculously flies by fast when she gets lost in the sound.

At one point, when she was given a day-off or if the convention was on her free time, she attends to look for cosplayers of you and take a picture. No one rejects her because she’s so adorable and cute when asking shyly.

Had brought a decent amount of merchandise, preferably the functional/practical ones like a phone cover, mug or keychain. Also has an earphones clamp with your little chibi self as the holder.

When asked, she would shyly announce that she likes your character the most.

“Their character theme and music really soothes me during work, it feels nice to have them, and I have not once regretted ever pulling for them. They are the best.”

Favorite Voicelines: Good Night/Afternoon..., About Us, Something To Share..., Interesting Things...

so enjoyable...

@moaa @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @dandelion-dreams @snackgod @rxsalinee

[kurokoros]

hey! i just wanted to let you know that i've been reading like, all of your stranger things thoughts, and you're always spot on. like you're so correct about all of it. the treatment of steve (and jonathan albeit in a different way) is so bad. the show is just so poorly written. it's tragic bc there's some legitimately interesting characters (most of which seem more accidentally interesting than anything than intentionally written to be interesting) but they're being completely wasted. and i love fanfic, don't get me wrong, but some people warp the characters to an insane degree. like, just read something else if you want entirely different characters. it makes me want to scream. like, i saw a fic where steve cheats, as if that's not wildly out of character. if you wanna read a story where that's part of the plot, find different characters, go to a different fandom, read a fucking book. anyways, i'm gonna stop here bc i will absolutely start ranting. and most of the thoughts i have you've written out a lot more coherently than i ever could. i hope you have a good day!! 💕

thank you, I frequently pride myself in having impeccable opinions 9/10 times lmao

Honestly, there are so many immediately interesting characters in ST and the biggest issue is that the narrative never actually tells us anything about them. We know Steve has frequently absentee parents. Do something with that. We know Jonathan has to shoulder so much responsibility as the oldest sibling and has to pretend like he's always okay to allow Joyce and Will to breakdown. Do something with that. Let the characters talk about their trauma. Especially in the later seasons, it feels like no one actually talks anymore because the seasons are too bloated with action and big twists. And the conversations that actually do happen just don't have the same heart as in the first two seasons.

And then there are the plot inconsistencies and general fuckery in S3-4 that just make things less enjoyable to watch (at least for me). I started rewatching S2 and realized that in episode one Murray tells Hopper a crackpot theory about a full scale Russian invasion in Hawkins, which is rightfully treated as nonsense because that legitimately could not happen and Murray is setup to be a theorist taking advantage of people for money, and then in S3 they actually reveal that there's a Russian military base under the new mall, as if that could ever happen--especially in a small fucking town where everyone knows everyone. Little things like that just feel like a real kick in the teeth.

As for ooc fics, I have zero issues with them if they're acknowledged as being ooc for whatever reason. What I find weird is people who warp a character drastically and then try to claim that actually that's just how the character really is. Like, fics that say "Billy isn't abusive or racist in this and he's a good big brother to Max" like??? okay you've literally removed all of his character traits with no explanation other than you think he's hot but whatever I guess. anyway, Steve would never cheat and I scroll by any fic that says he would.

feel free to rant at me anytime. please. i have so many thoughts pinging around in my brain and need to word vomit them out otherwise they'll plague me at night

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

My Lethal White episode 1 recap

After having had a lot of fun recapping episode 2, I went back and did episode 1 as well. It got a bit out of hand and is a loooong post...

Under the cut, because, evidently, there will be ALL THE SPOILERS! 🚨

*SQUEEEEE!!!* THEY’RE BACK!!! 🤗💃🏻🙌🏼  (Yes, I’m still squeeing, although this is a rewatch)

Let’s look at the title sequence, shall we? They’ve added a few new details: There’s the wooden cross from the dell, the White Horse of Uffington and Robin’s Houses of Parliament guest pass. The child from Billy’s memories and the pink blanket. Someone’s already mentioned the ‘whore’ swirling in the coffee cup, and then later we have a fencing icon in the pint. Cool hints. 😎

Cut to tired, head-achy Cormoran at the wedding. Strike has a slightly different haircut, and I wonder: they dye Tom’s hair darker for the role, but he has a glint of natural first grey at the temples that I’ve seen on Tom pre-Strike. How did they keep that? (Sorry about the hair kink digression…☺️)

Pet peeve of mine they carried over from Career of Evil: in the book, Donald Laing slashes Strike’s palm, but it didn’t happen in the series. There was no blood on his hand when he called Robin, and his glove was intact. And yet, Strike has his hand bandaged. I know it’s a silly pet peeve of mine, but stuff like that pulls me out of the moment. And Strike wouldn’t slap on a bandage just for a little bruising. *steps off soap box*

“You look beautiful.” - “And you look terrible.” - “It’s this jacket, needs taking in.” 😂

“I want you back.” - “What?” Augh, the double meaning of it all, Strike’s softness and Robin’s initial uncertainty of what he means. 🥺

When she realizes that Matt deleted Strike’s messages, there’s a tear spilling from her eye, and she quickly wipes it away. 😢 Such good acting. Such a brave girl.

A few of us have already addressed this in the chat: did Matt BLOCK Strike, or delete his calls and messages? Or both? They’re frustratingly unclear about this detail, and it makes a difference in terms of Strike being able to reach her or not. (I’m a continuity nerd, sorry)

Sarah standing next to Matthew. *gags*

Robin looks so beautiful! And so very sad. (Holliday is acting her heart out of this season, can’t say it enough). This is award material, hands-down. 🏆

Her look across the room at Cormoran while they’re eating! And he’s… just been staring at her all through the meal? Good god. These two.

If Cormoran falls asleep before dessert he’s got to be really, REALLY tired.☺️ Poor baby.

We’ve got to work on your fine dining skills, Cormoran darling! It’s very cowboy and rugged, handling cutlery like that, but you would SINK during an aristocracy under-cover op. Maybe the Comte de la Fère is available for a lesson?

The first chords of The Calling’s “Wherever you will go”. Ack. They really went for the original, and as someone who’s always been ridiculously in love with that cheesy song, I AM HERE FOR IT.

Cormoran walking slow-mo past the bridesmaids, looking at Robin dancing with Matt The Twat. My heart…💔

When I’m gone you’ll need love to light the shadows on your face… *sniff*

Cormoran’s FACE during the dance. I can’t. He looks like a puppy about to get shot. 🥺

(and what a juxtaposition to the little lady with the funny hat bobbing happily next to him, to everyone looking awww and being completely ignorant of the drama that’s playing out. Ugh. I’m dead.)

Matthew moves like someone who’s (painstakingly) learned exactly one (1) dance, and for their wedding only, and why is he even smiling so proudly? They must’ve just had the biggest row in history? Is he really so full of himself?

Even Robin is smiling, although staring longingly at Strike. I bet they did that so Strike would be a little mad at her and want to walk away.

AND HE DOES! 😟 You can just see the “Fuck this” from the book crossing his face as he turns around and leaves. Ack. I’m dead again.

If I could then I would, I’ll go wherever you will go

(Perfectly placed, kudos) ���🏼

And she runs after him, looking like a fairy-tale princess. Did you see how frigging COLD it must’ve been, judging by her breath?! Poor Holliday must have been freezing to death during the shoot. And then to pull off such a heartbreaking scene…

(Also, the lawn in the park? A shitload of rolled sods. No grass looks this lusciously green in winter, and you can see the edges everywhere. Some landscaper had a field day there!)

“Are you sure?” - “Yeah. I am.” About WHAT, you idiots?! *wrings hands* To her coming back to work, of course, but there’s so much more to their statements. And I’m sure that non-book-readers thought they were about to kiss and elope, but - alas! - we know that’s not going to happen.😔

But at least we get The Hug™️, and it’s everything we hoped for: Robin crying, digging her fingers into his jacket; Cormoran closing his eyes… God help us, we are all DOOMED sailing this ship! 🙈💔

I was a little miffed upon first watching that they faded out of that hug so quickly. That was it? No, it wasn’t, as we now know, and I love, love, love that we’re getting all these extended flashbacks that reveal more and more of what happened to us!

ONE BLOODY YEAR LATER (I still can’t get over that time jump)

Lol at the subcontractor crashing his moped into the cab! It was only briefly mentioned in the book, and turning it into an actual dialogue was a fun idea.😂

And there’s Denise (that IS her, right?), completely uninterested in doing her job. Good grief - Strike and Robin are BAD a picking employees! 🙈

Robin looking not-jealous-at-all at Strike walking off with Lorelei. Ouch.

I like Lorelei, btw. They chose the actress well, and she’s nice and mature. Which doesn’t mean that I’m not secretly flinching every time she kisses Cormoran. It’s just not right.

Billy. Joseph Quinn does an incredible job playing him. 👏🏼 As dangerous as he appears at first, his despair and his efforts at holding himself together are heartbreaking. That battle he wages against his mental illness is on full display, and his scared big eyes are killing me. 🥺

Cormoran is admirably unfazed by Billy’s appearance - is that his Army training kicking in? Robin, though, is shaking but braving it out, recording with her phone although her hands are trembling. Good acting by Holliday.

Good riddance, Denise.

The good ole’ pencil trick. “I didn’t know people still did this.” 😌

I was surprised that Cormoran chose to simply break into the house on Charlemont road. It’s breaking and entering for no good reason. Could’ve been anybody’s home.

He’s not going to- EWW! He’s sitting down on that filthy couch. And plucking hairs from it. EWW!🤢

Robin: “...and some porn.” 😂 Says it as if it’s what they always find. The usual. Men… 🙄

Who’s the guy taking pictures of Cormoran? I seriously don’t remember this from the b- Oh, WAIT! Reporter guy. Patterson. Yeah. Him.

The CORE members are as cliché in their looks as are Chiswell’s upper class folks. It’s all a bit on the nose for my taste, but then clichés are clichés for a reason.

Cormoran needs to work on his disguises. Not fitting in at all with the CORE crowd, age-wise or in his look. No wonder they don’t trust him. He does it better in the books.

Oh Robin. I actually think you need a lot more therapy to work through your shit.

Ah, here we go. Seaborn bacteria. But first, Matt’s got to be a prick again. 🙄

Chiswell with his arrogance and his rudeness and his finger-snapping. *shakes head* I think if Cormoran hadn’t known he could make some serious money with this case, he may have walked out on him.

Btw, the “large” jacket is making Strike look slimmer instead of bigger. 😄 They’re so desperately mentioning Strike’s largeness, as if beating it over our heads could actually make us not see barely-6-foot and slender Tom Burke.

“Couple more potatoes wouldn’t hurt.” And his FACE! 🥰

Glenister is a really good actor. I always listen to the Strike audiobooks that he narrates, and I was worried hearing his voice in the show would be confusing, but it’s not because he sounds so different. Can’t wait for him reading “Troubled Blood” to me! 🎧

Is it a coincidence that Drummond’s art gallery has a painting of a horse in its front window? I think not.

I love that soft blue shirt they put Cormoran in. Makes him look very huggable. *blushes*

“Not sure I would make a convincing goddaughter either.”😂

So in England you can just walk up to a minister’s house and ring the doorbell without any security people stopping you? Interesting.

Chiswell just shutting the door in Cormoran’s face. RUDE.😠

The brown contact lenses. 👀 Okay, they make her look different, but not THAT different. It’s her sudden posh accent that’s the real stunner.

The panic attacks. Holliday plays them so well, I almost feel like I can’t breathe myself. 😧

I was expecting the Houses of Parliament to look a little less like a stuffy basement full of old junk. *ducks*

Barclay! Definitely looking more attractive than his description in the book. And I thought I’d gotten food at understanding Scottish. I haven’t. *turns subtitles on*

Izzy is the only Chiswell offspring who doesn’t make me want to immediately vomit.

“Venetia. Like the blinds.” Oh God. 🙈

Winn is such a creep. 🤮 Poor Robin. GET AWAY FROM HER YOU LEECH!

Of course Matt doesn’t want Robin to wear the Green Dress. Twat.🙄

The house warming party. I always wonder why Robin doesn’t have friends of her own. I have a feeling Matt has something to do with that.

The earrings. So we will see Robin finding out Matt’s cheating on her! I can’t wait for her to rip him a new one! 😈

Robin calls Cormoran - and it’s not Coco but Lorelei who picks up. That’s a smart change from the book. And it makes her the rebound girl. Which she doesn’t deserve, but it is what it is.

“And she bakes.” 🥴 Is it just me wondering how Lorelei got that cake into the tin without ruining the icing?!

Flashback to The Hug™️. God, their faces are so close. Cormoran is so soft. Nnnnhhhggggg.

Enter the plaid shirt. Lumber!Cormoran is a good look on him! 😍

The Armchair of Sadness™️. Of course that’s where the devastating phone call to Robin’s house happens! The disbelief and disappointment on Cormoran’s face is heart rending. 😢💔

@lulacat3 and I have already established the continuity error with Cormoran’s facial injuries suddenly missing when he’s reached the pub. (And they should still be there; he’s still wearing the plaid shirt from that same evening.) If I were the makeup person I would have been deeply regretful of having missed dabbing fake injuries on Tom’s face again.

The Uffington Horse. Robin’s in appropriate Wellingtons, weather jacket and a beanie for their outing. Cormoran is wearing what he always wears, and Tom clearly wishes he had a beanie. At least he gets to wear a t-shirt under his eternally blue shirts this season. REVOLUTION! 😄

Sure. Let’s just go and dig for a corpse with a shovel so conveniently available! Just the two of them - one delicate Robin and one invalid. And then Robin finds the bones after ten seconds of digging. No further comment. 🙄

But I like the change with Cormoran’s leg. As stupidly heroic as he acted in the book, I like it better in the show where he has to acknowledge his handicap and Robin takes charge.

The bones. Dun-dun-DUN!

(Good first episode, although all in all the pacing wasn’t quite right yet, and compared to the book it all felt a bit rushed. I liked episode two better.)

[intrepidmare]

MARE'S RECAPS ~ THE MANDALORIAN: CHAPTER 9 "THE MARSHALL"

Oh wow! It's been a while since I've done something like this. Last year, I caught up with season 1 about 2 days before the finale, so I didn't have the opportunity to write reviews/recaps. This season, though, I'm going to 😀 so here it is the first one! 

For the folks that haven't seen the premiere and don't want spoilers, scroll past this, fast and furious, because it's full of them. If you want to blacklist tags to avoid spoilers from me, I suggest that you add #mando spoilers, #the mandalorian season 2 spoilers, and #mare's mando recaps to the list.

I've seen the episode a few times (yeah, I'm that obsessed with the show) so some of my reactions are more visceral than others since I was too excited the few first times I watched it and I missed a lot of details (another reason to rewatch the episode more than once). This recap is loooooong, which is an indication of how amazing it was.

So this my final warning to those avoiding spoilers. Stop reading, right now. The rest of you… enjoy and let me know if you share some of my opinions. I'm always open to chat 😊

Chapter 9 ~ The Marshall

So it begins! It's so exciting!

I knew that Mando and baby Yoda walking in the street at night was going to be the opening scene. I started to think about it after watching the second trailer, and I'm glad that I was right.

It turns out that the red-eyed creatures were not jawas as I saw some people saying.

Baby Yoda was not happy with the little excursion to the fighting arena. Not walking on the streets nor inside watching the fight. I still laughed when he locked himself up in the pram, even if I've watched the trailer like a gazillion times by now and I knew he was going to do it.

And talking about the baby, he's getting more vocal I think. He's making a few new noises, whimpering more, which I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. That he complains more means that he feels safe with his buir and isn't afraid of retaliation for it as he probably was with others in the past and the reason he didn't cry much in season 1. But it breaks my heart that he is stressed. And that child is anxious, I can tell you that much.

The fight with Gor Koresh's thugs was awesome! The gamorrean flying to squash Mando and failing had me cracking up. And omg! Din'd moves! Using his helmet as a weapon and throwing his vibroblade. And leaving Gor Koresh to be eaten! Man of his word, he didn't kill the guy.

On a side note, I would've never guessed it was John Leguizamo who gave voice to Koresh until I saw the credits. Of all the actors who could play the part, I never thought of him.

Umm, I'm curious about the time Mando has spent in Tatooine, which according to him it's been a lot and it makes sense since he knows so much about the Tuskens, their language and culture. I'm guessing he spent a while among them. He had to learn all that somehow. 

When I speculated that Mando was going back to Tatooine after watching the trailers, I said that I was going to riot if he didn't visit his favorite mechanic. Thankfully, I didn't need to worry. I loved Peli in episode 5 of season 1 and I loved her even more now remarking on Din's dislike of droids and trying to keep the baby for herself. Not to mention she complaining about not getting good help these days 🤣

And I ADORE the (improvised?) Birikad Din got for the baby. Of course, the baby is safer in the pram, right (guessing that's why he used it when he met Gor Koresh), but there's something sweet watching him carrying his son so close to him.

And I tell you, Mando has been spending credits lately in baby stuff. I mean, he got a new pram (which I initially thought it was the original that he had somehow retrieved from the garbage in Nevarro, but no, it's not the same, and neither it's the one that Kuiil made) and he also got the bag/birikad thing, which looks brand-new. I wonder what else he bought.

Watching the droids doing maintenance of the Razor Crest makes me think it's all for nothing, knowing that in a few episodes (it might be even in the next one) Mando is going to crash the ship. More than once perhaps.

😆 The baby still loves speed! I think riding on the speeder bike was the only moment that he truly enjoyed in this episode. Look at that happy face 

When they arrived at Mos Pelgo and Din went into the cantina, leaving the baby outside, I was like: Din! That's not responsible. How can you leave your son out in the inclement sun, alone! Then baby Yoda peeked in and I went: never mind. I take back what I said.

Oooh. Cobb Vanth! I love him! For a moment, I thought it could actually be Boba but it seemed illogical and that's what Mr. Feloni and Mr. Favreau wanted us to think. I was correct.

My gawd! Din's shock when Vanth took the helmet off. I just knew he would freak out the moment Cobb asked for drinks and I said to drink they need to remove their helmets and Mando is going to lose it when this guy does. And the standoff! Was so good! "Take it off or I will" is going to become a quite popular phrase in fics from now on, not in the same context, but yeah…

The krayt dragon… oh shit! Or rather Dank farrik! We can't see Mando's face or expression but I can imagine which one was when he saw the dragon eating the bantha the first time.

Oh my goodness. The baby hiding in the pot! Too adorable! 

I know every hardcore SW fan lost it watching Vanth modified speeder because is a callback to the Phantom Menace and Anakin but my first thought was: is he compensating for something? Sorry, I couldn't help it 

The dog-lizard creatures were kinda scary at first but then became adorable. Almost as much as baby Yoda getting out of hiding

Baby Yoda doesn't like dog-lizards things. He looked afraid to be eaten I think. Poor little guy.

And look at that! Din showing such growth! To think he was the one incensing others in negotiation 😆 this is a total callback to the jawas in Arvala-7. And I gotta tell you, Din freaking loves his flamethrower. He doesn't waste the opportunity to use it.

The krayt dragon eating the Tusken raider instead of the bantha was quite of a plot twist 😆

When they were planning the attack on the dragon, Cobb Vanth's face when Din told him that the bones and pebbles were to scale, and then when he had volunteered the villagers to help… priceless! 

I like the fact of banding together with others for a greater good, relying on others to accomplish something is going to continue being the theme of this season. It started last season but I think it's going to be stronger this time around along all of the episodes.

😳😲😳😲 this thing vomits acid?! What. The. FUCK?!!!

Cobb: I don't think it's dead

Mando: me neither

Me, at the same time as Din: yeah, nope it's not dead

Oh yeah! Teaming up with jetpacks!

When they showed the bantha with the remaining explosives my first thought was why didn't they use all those before?! That's why they didn't kill it!! Of course, it was just an excuse to grant Din a more grand win in the end, but you know, it's stupid not to use everything you have to kill the monster on the first try. Just saying

Wait, what? Din! What are you going to do? No! Taking care of the child is your responsibility, not Cobb Vanth's! I hate this plan of yours, Din Djarin!! Whichever it is!

Oh! Nice callback to the flaw on that jetpack. But makes me wonder, do all the rising Phoenixes have the same flaw? Cuz unless Din knows Boba in person and that it's his armor with that particular flaw, it means it's a common problem for all and I don't like it.

Get away, Din! Get away, Din!! FLY AWAY!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH! NOOOOOO! 

There he is! Damn, Mando! Don't scare me like that! Altho, it was a nice move.

Okay, but now I want someone to explain something to me. If the dragon's acid melted people at contact before, how the hell is Din so whole? I mean, sure for argument' sake let's say his beskar armor provides some protection, but he's not entirely covered in it. His cape and undersuit seem just fine, albeit sticky. Where's the logic in that?

The tuskens getting the pearl reminded me of the jawas and the mudhorn's egg, chanting zukka, zukka (or however egg is spelled in Jawa).

That's quite a piece of meat. The baby is going to be happy eating off it for days🤣

😮😮😳😳 BOBA FETT!!!!! Yesssssss!!

Okay, I've seen other people's thoughts and some think that Boba was after Cobb Vanth because he had the armor, but I don't know. If that was true then why he hadn't gone to Mos Pelgo and got it? It seems to me that it's more likely that Boba is following Din somehow because it's the second time in as many Mando's visits to the planet that they sort of cross paths. Could they know each other? Have some score to settle? It's possible. Din has spent much time on Tatooine -his words, not mine- so it wouldn't be so out of consideration that they actually know each other. That if Mando knows Boba is (fake?) Mando, I don't know. Probably not, but who knows?

Extra thoughts

I gotta say that Ludwig Göransson is killing it with the score music! Oh. My. God! So so so so good! I could tell from the trailers that it was going to be awesome this season but it astounded me in chapter 9. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous! My favorite piece is when they're going to the dragon's cave to kill it. The orchestral sound of the already familiar music blew my mind!

[danyka-fendyr]

Absence of Good - 7

Chapter Seven: Naked

For once in my damn life I actually got inspired and this is what became of it. Basically I was thinking about Taylor Swift and rewatched the Miss Americana trailer (I’m waiting to rewatch the movie so I can do it with my aunt) and I just like...ended up in my feels? So I actually kind of really like this chapter and I hope you guys do too. Also shout-out to that one anon who binged the last six chapters and sent me an ask about it! I live for moments like that, truly.

Taglist: @dreamwritesimagines @rhabakoli

AoG Taglist: @pancakefancake @prettyboyspenerrr @youreasnack @alioop3818

Wordcount: 3290

Warnings: Dark themes throughout. Death. Murder. Some body horror. PTSD. Flashbacks. Trauma. Discussion of torture and kidnapping. Brief mentions of sexual assault.  

“I often don’t say things out loud, even when I should. I contain and compartmentalize to a disturbing degree: In my belly-basement are hundreds of bottles of rage, despair, fear, but you’d never guess from looking at me.”

-Gillian Flynn

It was official. You were cleared for active duty again. You had passed every test they had thrown at you, and by every empirical measure you were fine. It was like nothing had ever happened. And so that’s how you decided this was going to play out. You were just going to act like nothing had ever happened.

You were going to bluff like your life depended on it.

Your first day back at work had to be perfection. You envisioned it in your head the night before, you built it, like building up a shield or a wall. Pristine, beautiful, strong. You got up extra early just to execute it, just to put on the pencil skirt, the red heels, the crisp blazer and the flawless makeup. All of it planned out, right down to the skinny vanilla latte with oatmilk. Just like a costume.

You were prepared for the barrage when you stepped back into the BAU. Penelope Garcia never let anyone come back from a long absence without at least an absurd amount of enthusiasm. Usually there was a surprise party involved. You prayed there was not a surprise party involved in your return today.

In fact, you were hoping there wouldn’t even be a case. That, just this once, the bad guys would see fit to give you a break. That maybe they wouldn’t kick a woman while she was down.

Your hopes were too high though.

Penelope’s squeals of delight and everyone’s sickeningly pitiful looks were cut short by Hotch.

“It’s good to have you back, Y/L/N.” Even stone-cold professional Aaron Hotchner looked softer, if that was at all possible. “That being said, I’m afraid we have a case.”

He didn’t patronize you by asking if you were up to it. He knew that you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. In a way, you were glad for the work. It would be distracting.

You were glad for it until the second you walked into the briefing room and saw the photos Penelope pulled up on the board. Then you were holding back vomit and taking careful, even breaths because nobody could know you were panicking. Three different women, all of whom had been tortured, then dumped. Sure, they hadn’t been tortured the same way you had been, or even by the same guy. That didn’t stop every last one of their faces from turning into your own.

You were under a magnifying glass here though, and you couldn’t break composure even for a second. They couldn’t know. So you practiced your breathing techniques, took careful, measured blinks, and listened the best you could. You swallowed perhaps a little too rapidly, relying on your latte to hide that you were just stopping yourself from crying. In a room full of profilers, the stakes had never been higher.

“Alright team. All of these women were found in the last month in North Dakota. As you can see, there are clear signs of torture, and there is also evidence of sexual assault. It appears the assault was ante-mortem, but there are no signs of remorse in the way the bodies were dumped. All of these women were in different, clean clothes, and their bodies themselves had been cleaned up. You can see that injuries were stitched back together, and the only blood on the body appears as stains from where it sat on the skin too long and couldn’t be properly removed.”

“So we’re dealing with a doctor?” Morgan asked.

“I don’t know about that. These don’t look surgical. They seem pretty messy to me,” Rossi said.

“The coroner’s report from the first victim would indicate that this isn’t professional work.” Hotch folded his hands in front of him.

“It’s entirely possible this guy’s a germaphobe though.” You made an easy contribution, something to satisfy everyone without drawing suspicion.

“You know, it’s not unlikely.” Spencer leaned forward, pressing his fingertips together thoughtfully. “Approximately 9.1% of American citizens do have phobias. It wouldn’t be too radical to suggest that maybe our unsub does as well.”

“Okay, so we’re dealing with a germaphobe who can’t sew. Doesn’t narrow it down much. I’d say we need to get out there and see what’s going on ourselves,” Prentiss said.

“Wheels up in 20.”

 The plane ride was long enough that you were able to sleep through most of it after tossing around ideas. You found your own quiet little corner of the plane and promptly pretended to sleep so that no one would bother you. In reality you hadn’t slept well in weeks and couldn’t risk sleeping now in case you woke up out of a nightmare, but as far as the team was concerned, you were to be left alone. 10 minutes before landing you “woke up” to listen to Hotch giving out assignments.

“Morgan and JJ, I want you checking out the dumpsites. Prentiss and Y/L/N, go talk to the M.E.”

“Hotch, I really think I should go with Y/N.” Your entire body tensed at Spencer’s words. “We tend to work really well together and especially with a case like this I think my medical knowledge could come in handy. I might be able to figure something out from looking at the bodies and examining the stitches.”

Hotch paused for a moment. “Alright then. Reid, you’re with Y/L/N, and Prentiss you can stick with Rossi and I.”

“That works for me.” Prentiss shrugged. “I have an old buddy who used to work for the Bismarck police department. I’d like to see if he still does, see what I can find out from him.”

“Good. Then it’s decided.”

 Hotch could not have picked a more awkward person for you to be trapped in a car with. Of course, you supposed Hotch hadn’t picked him, he had volunteered. You wondered if he could tell something was up with you, or if it was just instinct. If sharks could smell blood in the water, Spencer had a nose for you being in any kind of emotional distress. Right now you wished that he didn’t.

5 minutes into the drive he spoke up.

“You’re awfully quiet.”

“Yeah. Just tired.” You lean your head back further into the nook between the seat and the window frame.

“You sleeping okay?” Spencer’s brow furrowed as he glanced over at you.

“Yeah, fine.” Lies, lies, lies. “I was uh…out late last night.”

“Oh.”

You stared out the window, watching the scenery. This time of year there wasn’t much to see in North Dakota. Just frigid, icy wasteland. You dreaded getting out of the drowsy comfort of the nice warm car.

“On a date?” Spencer’s voice sounded off somehow.

“What? No.”

Maybe too quick an answer, but it was a ridiculous suggestion. You? On a date? In your dreams.

“Some friends of mine from college were in town. We went out and got a few drinks before they had to head back.” Always make sure the witnesses are conveniently unavailable.

“That must have been nice.” Spencer smiled.

“Yeah. It was good.”

“So other than that, how have you been?”

“Good. Great, really. Itching to get back to work though.”

“Really? Wasn’t the break nice?”

“Nice, but boring.” You pulled your sleeves over your hands.

“I guess.”

Spencer pulled into the parking lot, safely sliding into one of the available spaces before coming around to open your door. You frowned slightly. He had never done that before. If he was babying you now just because of what had happened you were going to kill him.

Mad. Mad was new. Mad was good. You decided to pursue that.

“Why open the door? I can do it myself, you know.” Your voice carried more hostility than was warranted.

“I know,” Spencer said, blushing. Blushing? “I just thought it might be nice. Plus with all of this ice you could get hurt. Did you know that 1 million Americans are injured slipping on ice annually?”

Ah. So he was babying you.

“I’m fine. I can handle a little cold, Spencer. Now come on, we have bodies to look at.”

You stormed ahead, determined to leave him standing there alone in the cold. What happened instead was far less triumphant and dignified. You slipped. On ice. And Spencer caught you. And then subsequently did not slip.

“See?” A smile played on his mouth as you looked up at him through your snow-coated lashes. “Dangerous weather conditions. But you’re right, we should get inside.”

He righted you, unfortunately causing you to leave his warm embrace, and looped his arm through yours as you two headed into the coroners.

 Seeing the bodies in person was worse than you thought it would be. The smell of the formaldehyde felt like it was seeping into your pores, like it would never leave you. The gleam of the metal tables seemed to whisper, “This could have been you.” The icy cold Bismarck air turned your skin to something lifeless, something that belonged underneath one of the sheets hanging over the victims. After all, what was one more dead girl?

It took everything you had to keep it together. Even then you let Spence do most of the talking.

“So these stitches, they’re not surgical,” he established.

“Well see, that’s what’s interesting about this. The first ones certainly don’t seem surgical. They’re far too messy. The technique is good, but the execution is falling apart. But the second body is far more orderly, and the third is nearly perfect.”

“So our unsub has been practicing.” The horror in your voice shone through.

“It would seem so. But here’s what else is interesting. The chemicals used to clean these girls up? They make the same progression. At first, household cleaners, hence all the staining. But then they move to medical grade stuff.”

“Wait…could we be dealing with a medical student here?” You asked.

“It’s entirely likely. However, I would bet that whoever did this is looking less to be a surgeon and more to be a coroner themselves. Look at the cut patterns.”

You froze. You didn’t want to look. You couldn’t look. You could feel your scars burning in your sides, white hot, the metal slicing through you, tearing you to ribbons.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

“As the victims progress, the pattern becomes more and more organized, until it almost looks like…”

“An autopsy,” Spencer finished.

The coroner nodded. “So I certainly wouldn’t rule out medical students, but if I had to take a guess…”

“We’re not looking for a candy striper,” You supplied.

“We have to get this to Hotch. Thank you so much for your help.” Spencer took the folders offered before following you back out to the parking lot and into the car.

 As it turned out, your suspicions were correct. The unsub had been studying to work as an M.E., until they discovered that cadavers just weren’t enough. Sublimation can only take you so far.

They began seeking out more lively victims, their psychopathy making them seem no different than a cadaver. To this unsub, people were just meat to be used and then hacked up. He would never be seeing his medical license though.

You should have felt good. Should have felt on top of the world about solving a case, especially being able to do it so quickly. Instead, you just felt a cold sense of dread about having to go home to your nightmares. On the plane, you once again feigned sleep, with the goal of slipping away from the others when you touched down. No such luck.

“Good, you’re all back! I have a surprise for our favorite returned agent. That’s right, it’s tequila time! We’re all going out for drinks, totally non-optional. And when I say all of us, I mean all of us.” She glared pointedly at Reid. “Even the good doctor.”

“Penelope, I’m not sure this is such a good idea.” Spence looked over to you.

For the first time that day, you allowed yourself a moment of weakness. You had gone through a lot, you had sat through that briefing, you had looked at those bodies. You could have a little bit of emotional vulnerability. As a treat.

You looked at Spencer hopelessly, practically begging him to save you from your surprise party fate and somehow get Garcia to call the whole thing off. You couldn’t do this. All you wanted was to go home and take a nice hot shower and curl up alone.

“Okay,” Spencer said. “I’ll go.”

Penelope cheered, overwhelmingly excited about the development.

Morgan chuckled. “Baby girl, we better go before he changes his mind.”

“Oh! Right!” And with that she was off.

 The very last thing you could have possibly needed right now was a bar. It was loud and noisy and crowded and all together far too much for you to handle. You supposed you should be thankful it wasn’t a club, but you couldn’t find it in yourself. You didn’t want this right now.

You didn’t want glowing neon lights or the wine cooler you were pretending to drink to make Garcia happy. You didn’t want music that was slightly too loud or a football game playing in the background. Most of all, you didn’t want all of these people touching you. Every graze was like someone was running nails down a chalkboard. You would have rather had a cheese grater on your skin, would have rather peeled it off and torn it to pieces.  You had to get out of there.

Your salvation came from the source of your doom.

“Well guys, I think I’m going to head out,” Spencer said. “It’s getting kind of late and I have a documentary I was hoping to catch.”

“Alright, well, we’ll see you soon okay boy wonder?” Morgan raised his glass in salute.

“Actually, perfect timing Spencer. I was wondering, do you think you could drive me home?” You had originally carpooled with JJ, having taken public transportation to work that day. Oddly enough, you knew Spencer had brought his car. “I’m totally wiped out after last night.”

“Oh, right, you had your thing with friends!” He remembered. “Um, sure, yeah. I guess your place is on the way to mine. The more the merrier!”

Garcia tried to convince you to stay, but Spencer maintained the role of a beautiful, beautiful excuse. With your combined efforts you were able to navigate your way out of the clutches of Penelope Garcia and into the cool, quiet car, where mercifully no one was touching you.

Your apartment wasn’t far from the bar, but you were irritated to find that Spencer insisted on seeing you up. You were tired of this patronizing behavior. You didn’t need to be coddled, you needed to be respected. You thought he of all people would be the one to always respect you, but apparently not.

You stopped outside of your door, keys in hand as you looked up at him. “Why are you doing this?”

“What?”

“Why are you treating me like I can’t be left alone for 5 seconds? You’re babying me. Stop it.”

“I’m not babying you,” Spencer said. “I’m concerned about you. You just came back from a traumatic experience, and I just…don’t think you should be left alone right now.”

“So what, you don’t think I can handle myself?” You turned to face him, livid under the glow of the overhead light. “Because I have plenty of scars now to prove I can. I’m a survivor, Reid. I think I can walk myself up a few stupid stairs and unlock my apartment door without supervision. Did Hotch put you up to this? Wanted to make sure I was ready to be back in the field?”

“What? No! Of course Hotch didn’t put me up to this. He would never do that. He respects you and believes you’re more than capable of doing this job.”

“Then what? Who’s telling you to do this?” You took a step closer, getting in his face.

“No one! I’m doing this because I care about you, Y/N, and when you were taken it was one of the worst moments in my life. I’d never been that afraid of anything before, not even when I was kidnapped. And I just kept thinking how scared you must have been, how alone you must have felt, and I…I don’t want you to feel that way now. I don’t want you to feel alone. No one is making me do this. No one is watching you, waiting for you to breakdown. It’s just me, Y/N. It’s just us.”

You wanted to melt into the way he said us. Wanted to tell him everything, wanted to let him count your scars and tell him you were afraid, you were alone. You wished that you could.

“Well thank you for your concern, but I don’t need it. Everything is fine. I’m fine. We’re…we’re fine.”

It was the last words that gave you away. The tremble in we, the unsureness.

“Why won’t you let me in? Why can’t you let your guard down. Take all of this composure and just…lose it a little?” Sweet brown eyes snuck their way in, securing themselves around your heart.

All day, you had been trying so hard to keep it together. To put on a mask and pretend that everything was fine, because that was what you needed everyone to think. You needed all of them to see you as competent and capable and someone they could look up to and respect and love, but it was just…it was just so much pressure, all the time, and normally you could handle it but now? Now it was too much, all of it all too much.

“Do you know why I can’t just lose it? I can’t fall apart because people are watching and it doesn’t matter to them what happened to me. Nobody cares about anything but right now and right now what I know is that they take your pain and they turn it into a joke. Because that’s what people do Spencer. That’s what people do when they don’t like you. When you get hurt, that’s funny. When something terrible happens to you, it doesn’t matter how bad it is, you deserved it. Gosh, can’t you understand that? Don’t you get it? It’s not just that I don’t want people seeing me hurt, it’s that I can’t let them. Because you know what hunters do when they see a wounded animal? They kill it. And I’m…I’m…” You choked.

You choked on all of it. Not just the words, but the fear, the horror, the overwhelming gut-wrenching spiraling episode you were falling into. You didn’t understand what was happening to you anymore. You just knew it hurt. It hurt so bad.

“Look at me.” Spencer spoke softly, not daring to touch you. “It’s okay. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to feel it. You don’t have to stop.”

“I can’t…I can’t…”

You couldn’t stop the tears from coming down your face, the tight ache in your chest, all of these feelings catching up to you like you never could have imagined before this.

“He hurt you. He hurt you very badly. Nobody expects you to just bounce back from that. Nobody needs you to be okay right now. It is not your job to be okay.”

You fell into him. Collapsed into his body that caught you like he had been waiting, like he knew this would happen, like he knew you better than you knew yourself. Knew your body, knew your pain, knew your heart, and was holding it all together, even raw and bleeding and naked as it was.

And you let go.

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.”

-Lois Lowry

[diminuel]

I wasn’t all that fond of 15x10 while I watched it yesterday. I loved the premise and Garth, but I think it was just a bit too over the top for me. The placement of this episode within the greater context of it being the final episode and following the rather gloomy previous episode just made it feel a bit off. That aside, I just didn’t enjoy watching it all that much even though I could appreciate what we were given.

But I’m giving it another rewatch and another chance! I’d love to hear your thoughts too, whether you agree or disagree with my reactions. :D

It takes hardly any time for us to notice something completely amiss and they don’t even hide it: a classical piece of music accompanying a bloody fight between two monsters. Everyone is going to notice that this isn’t quite right, which then guides over into the next thought: the editing makes or breaks a scene. I think that’s the overall theme I took away from this episode. Metatron said that God posted the first draft and we’ve seen both Becky and Metatron edit God’s writing. The first conclusion we could draw is that God is not “editing” Sam and Dean’s story. But actually that doesn’t make a lot of sense because he couldn’t see Sam and Dean before either and they were fine. It’s maybe that he over-edits it. He throws problems in their ways that are... well, kind of what Becky wanted; the everday issues. Them dealing with laundry all day. This is the stuff we write, ad absurdum. And with monsters.

So the theory I’m going with right now is that Chuck is editing, just differently than before.

One preliminary thought regarding Garth: Were there no consequences to the Grace he had swallowed during AU Michael’s weird monster plan? What happened to that monster plan in general? Michael seems to be very bad at stragegizing.......

Dean’ shopping: The shop is called Berens’ quick trip. Berens is always sending us on a trip, though I think this one was Dabb’s fever dream. *lol* Lots of music for what is basically just showing Dean shopping. We see the guy giving Dean a ticket through the window but Dean’s oblivious, too focused on shopping. (Two six packs of beer. This might either show Dean indulging or Dean stocking up for Cas, not that Cas wants beer usually.) 

Dean knows the store attendant by name, so I guess this is a place he goes to often, though I doubt it’s in Lebanon because of the high rises in the background? 

What did Dean buy? Some beer, a magazine, some chips, something sweet he’s eating... How did that amount to over 40$? Why did he go buy that? Why not go to a proper store and buy proper food? Just beer and snacks? As someone who has to do her own shopping now this seems inefficient. (And my shopping center is in 5 minutes walking distance. *lol*) Also, I think I’ve seen people mention that the magazine is a cooking or baking magazine?

Also, here’s the first instance we have of Dean’s teeth hurting. Just stop eating the chocolate you silly man.

I have no compassion for Dean whining about getting a ticket. He’s not allowed to park there. Rules apply for you too, Mr. Winchester. I don’t like people who think they can do what they want. *thinks back to young snobby looking BMW driver who parked in the middle of a square in front of a bank and who got a ticket* *Schadenfreude* (That’s the kind of person I am. I like people who think rules don’t apply for them to be punished by the law.)

Sam’s scene in the kitchen: I assume it was Dean who had started cooking and then just walked away to get some more shopping done. This is merely based on my assumption that Sam doesn’t cook. We know that Sam sometimes does kinda stupid things like blowing on paper to make the fire go out... Touching things straight out of the oven and putting his hands on a hot pot are pretty thoughtless. And he’s clumsy apparently.

Also why the heck would he pull the pot from the stove? It wasn’t even boiling over. Just lower the temperature. Have you never been in a kitchen before, dude? And you’re not even cleaning up after yourself?

Dean and Sam discussing their issues: So Sam never trips? Both noticed right away that this was weird. Sam looks so offended. Like “I’m Sam Fucking Winchester, I don’t trip!”?

Also, did Sam say “dinner”? Is it already evening and they’ve just been hit with “normal person-itis” now? I see Sam’s watch but I can’t decipher it right. It it 5:35? What time of the year is it in canon? I was still light outside when Dean was shopping.

In the car on the way to Garth: A look, it’s dark now, which suppors the “they just randomly got hit with normal people problems. The music for this scene is also unusual. 

I’m annoyed that Cas is in heaven. Why. Why is he up there? Why does SPN always stash Cas out of the way with random stuff? It would have been nice if there had been a phone call or something with Cas checking in or just a mention that Dean was driving back from dropping Cas off at the angel gate or whatever. It takes so little, makes such an impact for me. This? Sorry. It’s just not enough for me.

Why is the car giving up the ghost? Especially in such a weird way? Isn’t Dean constantly working on the Impala? This is not normal people problems either.

At Garth’s: So Sam and Dean walked like 16km? Couldn’t they have taken public transport OR a taxi like normal people...? Or call road assistance or Garth at least? I don’t know what it’s like in the US but that seems a bit extra, even for Sam and Dean.

Garth and Bess have an old style phone in their house, which is a random remark but it’s a nice deco object.

Garth’s Twins: I don’t quite understand why Garth calls the twins Sam and Castiel. What kind of connection does Garth have to Cas? Why not Sam and Dean? If only one of the brothers, why Sam? He has more of a connection to Dean after all? I don’t get it. Dabb just liking it when people prefer Sam and Dean has to roll his eyes at it? :/

Again with the weird, out of place music when they have a look at Bess’ cousin.

Dean and Garth: The dramatic music when Dean steps into the dentist’s room. *lol* And then his disquieted “you’re very strong” when Garth forced him. I think since Garth treats werewolves who might also have an aversion to the dentist, he’d be used having to use a bit of force *lol* Besides. I really love getting insight into how monsters deal with “normal people problems” because they have them too. It’s a shame that we don’t see more of that side to monsters. We only see those monsters who mess up after all, rarely those who try to blend in. 

I might not know much about dentistry but I only had cotton stuffed into my bleeding mouth like that when I got my wisdom teeth out in an operation. Sure, I bleed a bit when I have appointment but not like that??? Just what did Garth do? Replace Dean’s teeth with werewolf teeth? *lol*

Sam and Bess: Dramatic music continues when Bess hands Sam the “cure” drink. It kind of frames the scenes as dangerous and at least it put me slightly on “confused edge” because the music made me think I couldn’t trust Garth and Bess. Sam’s struggles are kinda... over the top. I mean, we’ve seen Dean eat ghost pepper jerky and suffer, but Sam is suffering kinda ridiculously, like he’s been hit by a curse or something (i.e. still like he’s in the middle of a battle against some monster). Ew. Sam wiping his tongue on the arm he’s been sneezing and snotting into. Uff.

The tap dancing: Nice but I don’t really see the point in it >w< I guess normal people have normal funky dreams. And I guess Dean dreams of joyful things like dancing and having FOR ONCE gentle interactions with a lamp instead of always smashing them.

Talking about God and being heroes in a story: I like Garths’ approach to this topic and that he’s much more aware of story structures than the Winchesters seem to be. Why does Dean need a colonoscopy? (Angsty thought: does he have cancer...? Can werewolves smell it? Is that how it’s gonna end? Normal people problem killing Dean? Nope.)

Scene with the cousin: Poor Sam, he looks so upset when his “gentle request and puppy eyes” approach didn’t work. Though I like that it’s Bess who gets the guy to talk (like it’s Garth who gets the job done later on). I really like that monsters have normal people problems too. And it seems like the Winchesters are still very surprised about that.

Sam and Dean “job”: I think they’re being idiots here. Not only do they lack any evidence that the monsters who watch those fights are harming people, so they just kill them because they’re monsters? Also, it seems very unwise for two people alone to take on how many monsters?? No damn research done at all. And on top of that it seems really unwise to go on a case when they don’t know what else “normal people problems” entails while hunting. At least Sam might have been alarmed due to his sudden clumsiness... Just, stupid move on the Winchesters’ part. 

Side note: Sam doesn’t seem to be comfortable saying anything at all. He still seems to be shocked by the werewolf’s diss.

Dean continues to be kinda dumb and I don’t exactly get why. They don’t know what they’re walking into, so they definitely need to be prepared and I can think of several examples where he was prepared for anything. And now that he can’t be sure of his “luck” he’s not gonna think twice about it? And him munching his grilled cheese, talking with his mouth full and “playing” with the gun wasn’t super endearing to me. Sorry, I know many found it cute *lol* And who vomits that loudly...? I mean... ew.

I liked that Dean tried to bluff his way out of the situation and maybe it would have worked in another situation... 

Dean and Sam in cages: It makes no sense that not being able to pick locks is part of normal people problems because I’m sure they learnt how to pick locks over the years. So this, and their inability to fight later on (another thing they’ve learnt) just makes it clear that Chuck didn’t just remove them from “hero” status, but took away more than just their special skills.

Dean’s entire heartfelt speech doesn’t work either, neither on Sam or Dean, nor on the audience both because of how it’s filmed (no particular clear shot of Dean’s face and Sam constantly looking uncomfortable) and the variation of Dean’s theme.

What’s with Dean’s throat? I don’t understand what he said.

Garth saves the day: Dean’s awed “you are so strong” is cute! Why has he never been in awe of Cas’ strenght? Cas lifted a 1t anvil once and Dean didn’t even look at him amorously for it. 

Man, there are a couple things I don’t understand here! Wish I had subtitles because I’ll probably only get what “we’re gotta get out of here blblblbl monstersquad” or “the monster squad bbbüb the good guys” means.

I think they might still be able to fight but whatever “hero” bonus they had was deleted and now it IS almost impossible to just knock out a monster. They did have more trouble in earlier seasons before they could just easily stick an angelblade into every monster and not even break much of a sweat. But the whole fight sequence is just a little bit too ridiculous for me...

Back at Garth’s home: The whole “this Cas keeps looking at me weird” scene is my highlight. I wonder if now that Dean and Cas are no longer locked into their defined roles (though I’m not sure if Chuck has written them with a specific dynamic, since he never seems to make use of Cas) Dean will notice more about Cas too ;D Though of course Dean does notice the way Cas looks at him (”the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid” as a classic example). But still, maybe something to think about. Since a story does come with particular characters dynamics between heros and their supporting characters.

Dean saying that he could be an awesome dancer if he wanted to be is nice. The only thing he lacks is a partner to dance with. Though... He doesn’t lack a partner since he has Cas back now. He just needs to make the first move ;3

Baby clearly doesn’t want to go to Alaska. *lol*

Okay, that was a long post again, not structured at all, not edited, and it still took me multiple days to rewatch and type this up! Haha

[seenalready13]

Broken bridges part 2

Here we go for part 2. I think this turned out pretty well, you guys can tell me what I could do to make this better, and thanks to Kannra for her suggestions in this chapter. 

During my time here at U.A., I somehow became everyone, go-to training instructor, at first it was Sofia, she wanted to be able to utilize my quirk to the fullest, so I let her in during my training sessions it was when I realized how hard I push myself, after the first set of fifty crunches, Sofia wanted to give up since I built up my stamina and durability when I was six, so I guess it’s become normal for me. I mean when we had our physical, I scored the top spot in almost every test except in the long jump and grip strength test. There was a pretty big margin between me and second place, Jodi. 

One day, Misao asked me to train with me. I'm still feeling bad about what I did so training is the most I can do. I ask to do a little sparring session with him, no quirks, just plain fisticuffs, so I can gauge him and figure out where he stands

Misao is sitting at the bottom of the amateur level, his punches are slow and predictable, he has openings all over the place, pretty typical for most quirkies, (The name of people with quirks my mom came up with) if their quirk isn’t some form of strength enhancement they rarely bother with learning proper CQB and Misao is the same. He never really fights but instead stays on the defensive, blocking and dodging throughout the fight. If I was fighting anyone else I would crush them for attempting this, but since its Misao, I’m holding back a ton. 

Since it’s him, I’m holding back a ton, to be honest, I could beat him very easily when he blocks by crushing his guard, but I don’t and instead have some fun.    

After I had enough fun with Misao, I end the fight for his sake. I faint a punch, he falls for the bait, I spin behind, grab him and the both of us over with a German Suplex. 

I get up and look at my work, the sight of Misao with his ass up in the air is too funny, I have to hold back laughing at his pain. I walk over to make sure he’s ok, he looks up at me through his legs to see me, shaking my head in disappointment, “S-so, how did I?” He asks, his charismatic charm still strong through the pain and the embarrassing position he’s in. 

“You have a very high mountain to climb,” I reply and Misao’s body gives, falling down, that the final straw, I break down laughing. He’s going to be my greatest challenge to date, I’m fine with that, I love a good challenge.

At first, there was a major roadblock, I use Brazilian jiu-jitsu, a grappling style martial art, I could only teach Misao the basics, anything after that was going to be useless to him. So we spent a whole day looking online at martial arts to find something that would be suitable for him, he eventually chose Krav Maga, perfect for him since it’s a jack of all trade with the main focus being on self-defense. He could even apply it when he has a puppet. 

Every weekend afterward, me and Misao have private training sessions together. When it came to training Misao’s body, that was easy, I wasn’t too tough on him since Misao is a long-range fighter, so I started off with light training. Somewhere down the line, we started to go out. (That’s another story I’ll save for later.)

The first few weeks were hell for Misao, it was basically me beating the shit out of him for like 6 hours with him trying his best to learn and live. He ended up being covered in bruises afterward, walking down the hall at school was embarrassing for me since everyone including our classmates mistook the bruises as hickeys and Misao had to correct them, I wanted to die since we weren’t dating at the time, it got worse when we started going out. 

Misao was getting the hang of things, his instincts and reflexes were forming. During a session, me and Misao were sparring. He goes for a grab, I break away and retaliate with a lunging kick expecting him to dodge to the side, nope. He’s a bit too slow and I smash my foot into Misao’s gut, he’s down for the count and I pull away and Misao clutches his stomach and falls to a knee, I knocked the wind out of him like he was one of Chibi’s chew toys.

"I THOUGHT YOU'D DODGE THAT, ARE YOU FOR REAL?!" I yell, being so worried that I really hurt Misao that I’m not controlling the volume of my voice, shouting everything.    

"Mm... how was I suppose to know... '' Misao wheezes. 

"TELL ME ABOUT IT, I DIDN'T WANT IT TO TURN LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!" I retort. 

"Um... Cortney?" 

"WHAT?!" I ask, voice still on full blast.

"You're shouting... like a lot," Misao responds making me realize what I’ve been doing.  

"That's because I'm worried, sorry." I calm myself down and help Misao to our dorm then lay him down on the couch and make him some ginger tea to help his stomach.

Sometime later, we could no longer hold our sessions at the gym due to some things that happened and were forced to have them at my place instead. It wasn’t too bad but my sister, Lisa, kept a close eye on us. 

When I told my family I was about Misao, they didn’t have the best impressions of him at the start, due to his woman-charmer vibe, but they quickly saw that he is very much in love with me and would even die to protect me. Except for Lisa, she is the one most opposed to us going out and has personally stated to his face that she doesn't like him, and shouldn’t be anywhere near me.  

She has always been very protective of me, especially since she had to take care of me by herself most of the time, so at times she comes and watches over our training to make sure Misao doesn’t try anything funny. It’s not all bad since she can cover the faults with my training, after going overseas in America for 4 years and winning the UFC women’s championship belt, she’s gotten even better. 

Actually, this brings me back to when I was a little girl, most normal kids beg for candy or toys, not me. I begged my sister and father to let me train with them, so I could become a great hero. I remember what caused me to beg to this day, Deku jumping into a fight to save a woman and her child from a villain on the news, that was when I knew I wanted to be a hero like him. 

He was one of my biggest inspirations, hell, I even went so far as to mimic his wind pressure attacks by rewatching videos of his fights, they’re nowhere near as strong as his but I kept going at it until I had something I could be proud of. But sis will always be first for me since she was there to help me every step of way even when Mom and Dad couldn’t, such as being me food or water when I would push myself to my limit, or patch me up when I got into a fight at school and thanks to her, she helped me become the amazing fighter I am today. 

During a spar, Misao actually manages to dodge my punch, then is able to pin me down on my back and hold me down, “Good job,” I say waiting for Misao to advance, however, he uses his quirk, which is illegal during spars, to bind my arms above my head. 

“Uh?” I’m left a bit confused for a second during which Misao grabs my sides with his free hand, my sides are stupidly ticklish and he knows it. I try to break free but he presses on harder with his tickle attack, I’m left at his mercy due to our positions.  

“Pleee-ease Misao,” I beg him to stop, I’m ridiculously ticklish, “We’re supposed to be training,” I remind him what we were doing, Misao stops his tickle assault allowing me a chance to breathe, unbind my arms and gets off from on top of me, I look away while crossing my arms angry at him for breaking the rules and to also hide my blushing face. 

“Come on Cortney, you know I hate fighting, and I could never hurt such a pretty face.” He replies while stroking my cheek, he knows exactly what to say and do to make me melt like butter.   

“Spoiled bastard,” I tell Misao and he responds by blowing a raspberry on my cheek, washing out any anger I may still have, “Stop that, it tickles.”

I can never be too mad at him since I forget to give myself breaks and he’s there to tell me to go easy.  

Time goes on until one Misao receives a call from Lisa telling him to come to get something for me I left at our house, when he gets there Lisa grabs and drags him to our training spot before throwing  

“What’s going on?” Misao asks from the very sudden invitation.

“Simple, break up with Cortney.” Lisa bluntly replies. 

“Why?” 

“Because Cortney shouldn’t be wasting her time with you, and I’ve watched you two, you constantly charm her and never take her training seriously.” She angrily answers with her evidence. 

Misao gets up and brushes the dirt off himself, but Lisa interrupts him before he can say anything, “No talk, we’ll settle this with our fists,” She retorts raising up her fists and getting into position, Misao does the same seeing as Lisa won’t listen to him. 

Misao waits for Lisa to take the first move, ready to counter, however, Lisa is right in front of him, driving her fist deep into Misao’s stomach and lifting him off the ground, “Even if I had a quirk, I wouldn’t need it to beat your ass.” Lisa whispers in Misao’s ear before flinging him at a nearby tree. He pushes himself back up to his feet where he’s stuck with a brutal kick to the chest, knocking out any wind he may have had left and pushes him to the ground.  

When Misao tries to get up, Lisa shuts him with a swift kick to the side of the ribs also flipping Misao on his side and exposing his vulnerable stomach and kicks as hard as she can. Misao can only take it as the previous attacks left him reeling in pain.

Lisa strikes three times each harder and more brutal, the third strike causes Misao to vomit the contents of his stomach, she rests her arms behind her head and starts walking away seeing as Misao has had enough punishment, “Stay the FUCK away from Cortney.” 

“S-s-selfish,” Misao croaks, Lisa turns around and sees Misao shaky trying to get up, she presses her foot on his back.

“What was that? Say that again?” Lisa viciously asks.

“You’re being selfish, what gives you any right to decide what’s right for Cortney?” Misao repeats, Lisa applies weight to her leg without any response.

“I’m protecting her from people like you, she worked her whole life up to this point, and I’m not letting you ruin this!” Lisa retorts, trying to press Misao into the floor but he’s fighting back. 

“You say that, but have even given a thought about how Cortney would feel?” Misao counters, fighting against Lisa, “NO, you haven’t, you haven’t given her wellbeing the time of day! She’ll be divested if I went through with it, and that’ll cause more damage than I could ever do if I tried!” Misao fights up to his feet and knocks Lisa off balance and socks her in the face with all his might, she falls down and Misao is now the left one standing. 

Lisa stares up at the sky, thinking about what Misao said, then covers her face with her hand, “You’re right!” she says still on the ground, “I was angry that I couldn’t be there to protect Cortney, and just attacked you with that anger for no reason. Sorry about that, it’s a really bad habit of mine.” She points out.

“It’s fine,” Misao says.

“I was blind, and have been a really bad big sister. Listen, you win, just promise me, you’ll make Cortney happy.” She asks.

“I will,” Misao promises, clutching his sides, which are probably broken. 

Lisa gets up and puts an arm over her shoulder, “Sorry, let me patch you up, also don’t tell Cortney about this, ok?” Misao nods.

“Also, let me add, you still have to earn my respect.” 

I eventually found out and was quite pissed off at Lisa for some time, I had her be Misao’s training dummy to make up for it.

[elichatterarchive]

ok so ive been thinking abt rantaro and trying to write this post for three full days as of today (tuesday) so just take this word vomit from me please

so on his tvtropes someone very wisely pointed out that they promised him all of these perks and the opportunity to end the killing game should he start the game again but they had no intention of keeping him alive that long... iirc his room is the last open (either his or kokichi’s) and you find his video in his room (: so they literally handed him this ��perk’ before he went into the other killing game and just. weren’t going to give it to him. it wasnt like he was murdered by just anyone and it couldve happened at any time yk??? one of the literal showrunners killed him off because they KNEW he wanted to end the killing game and even THEN! they opened his room last JUST IN CASE!

which leads me to believe that rantaro is entirely capable of ending the killing game, too, right? i know it can be said that anyone is capable of ending the killing game but surely in order to do so you’d have to figure out that it’s a tv show y’know? like... rantaro’s first killing game abides exactly by ALL of the rules i dont know if its canon that tsumugi was the other survivor or if thats sm i just made up and then decided i hated but lets say its not canon he and these two other survivors (if yall wanna make an oc for them wink wink) followed ALL the rules joined together in HOPE at the end to save each other and they rebelled against the killing game thus giving the audience hope and then rantaro was like this ends here this ends with me and he tried!! he tried so hard to end everything by VOLUNTEERING HIMSELF TO GO THROUGH IT ALL AGAIN AND SAVING THE OTHERS!!!! imagine how WILD the audience went when rantaro said that he’d do it again!!!!! (NOTE: the ‘important part’ of the killing game he talks about is obvs that the game can end early, but only two students can truly escape as the others will have to do a killing game

AND! in his VIDEO, he SAYS that people would gun for him should they know -- i think, to some degree, rantaro knows that the mastermind is just WAITING for the opportunity to kill him yk? and ofc he has no idea who the mastermind is gonna use against him in this brand new killing game... he knows that theyre gna wipe his memory before he goes in (as he says in his video) and he knows he needs to lay it out for himself. ‘you can’t share this with anyone’ because he knows future-him isnt gna know what the mastermind looks like or who they are or if they’re using someone else! he knows he’s going to feel isolated and lonely (’if you catch monokuma shooing anyone away from you’) and ALSO knows that his future self is going to need to be reassured!! 

i think rantaro assumed they were gonna give him a fighting chance, y’know? that’s why he talks as if his future self has found the video really early on in the game. sidenote im rewatching the video as i type this and i HATE the way he talks it feels so... impersonal rantaro really believes that he’s a different person thanks to his memories of the killing game! and once they’ve been taken from him, he’s going to be someone else all over again! 

‘hey, you’re smart. i know you can do it.’ uuugh i love you amami... his choice of words ‘you survived the last killing game’ leads me to think he did NOT in fact win! and ‘you wanted this killing game’ is both like... so telling (he wanted to end it but not only that he wanted to BE THE ONE to end it) but also so sinister (wrt him being just another high schooler that sent in an audition tape yknow?) 

all of that being SAID, back to my point that i made three paragraphs ago, i think rantaro COULD learn that it’s a tv show. i think he has that capability. he’s smart, and he’s been around this block once before -- if he found his video and thought about it and was more aware of his surroundings as a result, i think he’d manage to come to the conclusion that there were, indeed, spectators -- but the key thing here that separates his ‘being smart’ from kokichi’s ‘being genius’ is that it takes ran TWO killing games to sus that out to even the tiniest extent and it takes kokichi what like ten minutes 

[ezilyamuzed]

There’s no place like home - Part 8

Summary: The reader has had a unique gift all her life. While considering it a curse, she discovers the identity of her real father after her mothers passing. Journeying towards her new life, she finds herself thrown within the Winchester’s world. Is it her destiny?

Setting: End of season 13. This takes place after episode 13.18.

Warnings: Language. Some angst, fluff, drama- a typically SPN episode.  POV may switch after certain sections. 

A/N: I’ll apologize now, what you are about to read is a bit of an emotional roller-coaster, at least it was for me. This was not all in my original plan, but I am happy it had happened. I’ve been rewatching the series and during this time I was on Season 5 where Jo and Ellen die, tears still coming although it was probably the 10th time I had watched it. Amazing how much character’s relationships can still make your heart break years after. I promise more interesting things are on the way. We aren’t even close to done.

Any grammatical mistakes are all my own, because I am human. Remember all comments and feedback are welcomed! If you want a tag in future posts regarding this series or other writings please send an ask! As always thank you for reading! Enjoy!

Sam and Dean had shifted glances to each other, their Adam’s apples bobbing as they swallowed hard, waiting to see who was going to answer your question of why they had brought up the men of letters. You stood there patiently waiting, leaning up against the end table with your arms crossed while watching the apprehension move between them.

“Well, guys? Why does some boy band called the Men of Letters matter?”

“You said a man and woman came to see you?” Dean questioned while raising his eyebrow.

“Yeah, some British guy. Ketchup or something,” you chuckled while trying to remember what it really was. 

Dean squeezed his eyes tight while shaking his head. “You mean Ketch?”

“Yeah that was it, and the girl was Campbell, like the soup. I guess I had food on the brain that day,” you laughed.

“Campbell?” Sam coaxed.

“Yeah, um Mary,” you said looking into his inquiring face. Flashes of your memory went through your head as you tried to recall the details. “She seemed a little uneasy being there… actually, her light was different like yours too.”

Sam and Dean stared back at each other again like they just witnessed a nuclear bomb go off in front of them and were frozen in place. Dean tilted his head slightly to Sam, encouraging him to speak first with his eyes. Sam gave an audible sigh and ran his hand through his hair before speaking.

“Mary Campbell is Mary Winchester, our mom.”

“And the dick with her is a part of the Men of Letters from over the Atlantic,” Dean included.

“We think that your grandfather was involved somehow, here in America,” Sam said while moving to grab the mahogany frame. “This is the outside of their bunker, their safe house if you will.”

You held up your hands to stop them. “Whoa. Back up there. Your mom? But she is…”

“Yeah not so much for a while now,” Dean interjected while sitting himself down on the end of the couch. “That’s a long story.”

“Are there any Winchester’s that stay dead?” you blurted while sitting yourself across from him in a steady recliner, feeling the tension radiating off of them by your words. You didn’t mean to say it, it just…came out. A lingering silence fulfilled the room before you spoke again. “So why do you think that is a picture of their safe house anyways. I mean it could be anywhere. It doesn’t exactly have ‘men of letters hideout shack’ written all over it.”

“Because we’ve seen it. We’ve been there. Hell, it’s our home,” Sam stated while moving to sit next to his brother. “The quote ‘There’s no place like home’ written on there, it’s a reference to the Wizard of Oz.”

“Yeah, so what? Next, you are going to tell me Dorothy is the leader,” you scoffed while shaking your head.

“Well she was definitely a part of it,” Dean replied while sitting himself back further into the cushions.

“Wait. Click your heels three times Dorothy? We’re not in Kansas anymore Dorothy?”

“Her father, L. Frank Baum wrote the stories, he was a member during his lifetime. She was trapped when she had followed him into Oz, so he left clues in his writings for her.,” Sam informed you calmly. “A couple of years ago we released her from her spell with the Wicked Witch, and as far as I know she is still in Oz. Our friend Charlie would have been able to explain this all so much better.”

Charlie rang in your ears, completely erasing the absurdity you had just heard about the Land of Oz existing and one of your favorite childhood stories. The image of her smiling face lighting up the room forced itself into the forefront of your mind. 

“Charlie Bradbury,” you mumbled while moving your face towards the ground. Dean and Sam’s eyes shot at you in confusion to how you could have possibly known. Feeling their eyes on you, you raised your head to meet their stares while giving an audible exhale. You got up to grab the old photo album that you had frantically searched and found earlier. Flipping through the pages you found the one that you were looking for. Hesitating in your steps you watched their curiosity grow for their unspoken question. Walking over to them, you held it open to Sam’s reach.

“Like I had said before, I’ve heard about you two from others.”

Sam’s eyes widened in shock as he looked at the old Polaroids. There was Charlie, with her signature full body smile and you equally as happy. Both dirty like you had just been in a fight, but cheerful nonetheless with pride of accomplishment shining through.  Feeling his brother trying to see what you had given him, he leaned the book over. Dean gulped hard while focusing on the pictures, his eyes shifting furiously over the photos. 

“There was a ghost not too far from where I lived,” you quietly uttered. “She came in looking for information from my mom and found me instead. We took it out together. Honestly, given the circumstances, it was one of the best hunts of my life.”

“Y/N, Charlie…” Sam started to speak with sorrow in voice.

“You don’t have to tell me, Sam. I know what happens on the job,” you interrupted while giving him a tight-lipped nod. Watching Dean still steading his eyes over the pages. “There is more too that you should probably know. Turn back a couple pages.” 

You could feel the emotions from earlier rising again within you as you watched him turn back the pages, stopping when he saw the familiar faces. His mouth dropping in disbelief. 

“Ash,” he whispered while leaning the filled pages to Sam. “Jo. Ellen… How is this possible?”

“Ash is a long story,” you chuckled lowly while remembering your oldest friend. “Basically we were friends in high school and stayed in contact well after. He would help me out with cases and things like that. He was actually one of the few people who knew about me and what I saw. I met Jo and Ellen when I was looking for him, finding her took up permeant residency at the Roadhouse.”

You could feel the emotions trying to push through your eyes as you spoke but you shook them off, putting on your best fake smile you could muster. Sam sat completely still lost in his thoughts, looking out to nothing in front of him. Holding onto the album tight, Dean looked up to you, his glossy eyes meeting yours.

“Y/N…I’m sorry.”

You shook your head before speaking up again. “I know, I mean… I already know what had happened to Ash from Ellen afterward. I kind of figured whatever was going on wouldn’t take long to catch up to the rest.”

“They died fighting,” Sam uttered, breaking out of his thoughts.

You shifted in your seat, feeling anger you had suppressed running through your veins as he said it, screaming at you to avenge your fallen friends by taking down the causes that sat comfort on your couch in front of you.  Your gut and your heart advising you to allow yourself to just sit in the silence, remembering the lives of the fallen with them. You chose the latter, while Dean now was sifting through the album, looking to see if there was more. The old-aged open letter fell out into his lap. You went to say something but the words written on it had already caught his attention. His eyes scanning it over and over while his brows furrowed, before looking up to you in disbelief. 

“I guess I was supposed to meet you a long time ago,” you quietly answered his unspoken question while exhaling back into your chair. “I couldn’t open it. I couldn’t bring myself to… not until today.”

Your anger quickly boiling over that you had worked so hard to hold back. It wasn’t just at them though, it was at yourself. If you had only been brave enough to read a god damned letter, so many things could have changed. Jo and Ellen might still be alive. Charlie would be here. Your dad? You might have actually gotten to know your real father, not just going off of others words, but actually known him. If you would have just opened the god damn letter your whole world could have changed.

Dean had handed the letter over to a curious Sam while you felt your heart beating fast and your muscles tighten as the rage grew inside of you. “Y/N, if we would have known…”

“Known what Dean?” you snapped. “That the people you drag into all of your shit have their own friends and family that you throw into danger?”

The words fell out like vomit, you had no control over them as they spilled out. His face dropped and eyes widened like you had just twisted a knife into his gut.

 “You know what Dean? Save all of your apologies. I don’t want to hear them.”

“You listen here princess,” he yelled while standing straight up in his spot, face turning dark red in the heat of his rage. “That is a part of the damn job. They knew what they were getting into. Every single one of them. We tried to save but they made their choices. Don’t you dare put all of this on me.”

You could feel your breathing turn rapid as you clenched your fist to punch time right in his perfect jaw as he spoke. Looking into darkened his eyes you could see the anger, sadness, and self-hatred all mixed hiding away behind them. A sea of tears trying to escape. You saw the truth in them, not only had you blamed him, but he was still blaming himself. Your words had cut open a wound that time had not healed. You closed your eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to relax your muscles as it set in. 

“There is no point in this. In us yelling at each other,” you sighed, knowing that no matter what you did, the past could not be changed. Moving forward was the only option. “There have been tough choices that we all have made, that I know we all regret.” 

Sam and Dean both nodded their heads in agreement as you took in a deep breath and raised yourself to obtain another beer from the kitchen. Sam followed your lead, leaning on the counter while you popped the top off. He went to open his mouth to speak but you stopped him in his tracks.

“Not talking about it anymore Sam,” you said before taking a large gulp, downing almost half of the contents. You let out a low burp that made him quietly snicker, breaking the tension. “So what is up with the boy band you’re in? The lettermen.”

“The men of letters,” he corrected you as Dean walked in red-eyed, with an obvious tear stain on his cheek. He rubbed his face with both hands while Sam continued. “Basically there were like elite hunters. They complied almost every lore and spell book you could imagine.”

“Were?” you queried before taking another sip.

“Yeah, a bitch knight of hell, Abaddon, pretty much wiped out the membership in 1958,” Dean responded while grabbing for his own beer. “All that is really left is a few legacies, like Sam, me and well I guess now you too.”

“Our grandfather Henry Winchester was a member,” Sam added.

“Yeah, he was an alright guy. Kind of self-righteous,” Dean quipped. 

You pushed your head back in confusion, squinting your eyes to Dean. “He was? You just said she wiped them out.”

“Time travel spell,” Sam responded in seriousness. “He traveled to his next of kin in the future, escaping while luring her here.”

“Through the closet,” Dean chuckled while taking a sip of his beer.

“Anyways,” Sam continued. “He sacrificed himself to stop her, and that was just the beginning of a whole other mess.”

You stood there staring blankly at you beer bottle, frozen in your thoughts. Time traveling grandparents and demons. Resurrected parents. Secret hunters club. Fucking Wizard of Oz’s Dorothy, all things that were real and happened to them. You shook yourself out of your thoughts and finished your beer in a long gulp. 

“Well,” you clicked with your tongue as you pulled the empty bottle away from your lips. “I think you two would definitely be institutionalized if you ever admitted these things to other people.”

“Yeah, being honest usually gets us committed for a few days,” Sam laughed. You gave him a perplexed glare but shook it off instead of asking further questions. The clock behind him displaying the time that could not have possibly been right, making you jump to find your phone.

“Fuck what time is it?” you groaned while moving items out of your way in the search for it.

“It’s a little bit before 5,” Sam informed while looking at his watch.

“God damn time change,” you grunted. “Look, listen guys as much as I would love to sit here and have girl talk, I have less than two hours to get ready for a stupid faculty ball at the University. I also have no idea where half of the things I need are.”

“We can help you find them,” Sam offered, glancing over at his brother that looked lost in his thoughts.

“You really don’t…” you started to reply.

“We would be more than happy to,” Dean added, stopping you from speaking.

“Fine,” you breathed as you rolled your eyes and glanced at the boxes still full of miscellaneous contents behind him. “I need my curling iron, makeup, jewelry and black Manolo Blahnik’s.”

“What is a Manolo Blahnik?” Sam questioned in confusion.

“They’re high heeled shoes,” Dean informed while moving towards the living room. He turned himself back around once reaching an unopened box, meeting Sam and yours surprised stares. “What?”

“Nothing,” you scoffed as you walked past him to another box.

“So what exactly is this thing you are going to?” Sam asked while moving to his own spot amongst the stacks. 

“Basically a meet and greet amongst faculty members,” you answered while pulling away at the tape, revealing yet another box of books in front of you.

“Want some company,” Sam suggested. You gave him a puzzled look, questioning is motivations. “I mean being the new kid and not knowing anyone, might help to have friendly faces.”

You let out a short laugh, imagining yourself walking in with two handsome men head to toe in plaid and denim. “Unless you guys have a tux handy, I don’t think so.”

“I do,” Dean nonchalantly said while rummaging through his boxes contents of beauty products. 

“You do?” Sam and you questioned together in amazement.

“God how many bath beads and bombs do you have?”

________________________________________________________

“A lot. Now answer the question Dean,” Y/N commanded while folding her arms in front of her waiting for him to reply.

“What? So I have a tux in the car. You never know when you might need it for a case,” he answered while pulling out her curling iron from the bottom of the box. “One down.”

“And how often do you need a tux for a case?” she giggled while lifting and fumbling with another box to stifle through.

“You would be surprised,” he laughed, grabbing the box in Y/N’s hands to help her balance it. His eyes met hers in the motion as she mouthed a “thank you” that made his heart skip a beat. Just one look and he felt like a teenager again, sweaty and anxious about the future. What would ever become of this? Did she even feel something for him? Was he just wasting his time here?

That night, that amazing night that he found himself lying next to her, watching her chest rise and fall as she dreamed was one of the best moments he had in a long time. During the drive to her he played around with the thought of if things weren’t so complicated, for lack of a better word, he could see himself doing it every night. Just being with her. Hell, maybe the civilian life in a little house that he could escape the world with her in. 

While he pulled up to her house, he couldn’t help but smile at how it looked exactly as he imagined. The perfect spot for the perfect apple pie life. His smile fading as he remembered nothing about his life would ever be perfect. Not in this lifetime at least. The question of what the hell he was even trying to do or going to do shook up his nerves. He was actually grateful that Sam had been there or else he would have probably tucked in his tail and ran back home before even seeing her face again. 

She hadn’t been as spirited from the other night, maybe she had regretted everything that had happened. That thought made Dean sick to his stomach as he helped unpack the endless stacks of books. How drunk had she been? Did he take advantage of her? Oh God, did she want to gut him right where he stood? The worst possible thought flooded his mind until Sam snapped him out of it. The picture he held in his hands was so familiar like he had already seen it. When Sam spoke up he knew what he was looking at. Home. No place like it. 

His brother was looking to him for answers the same way he had all his life, only this time he didn’t have them. He knew what had to happen next, he had to find out what she knew. The world he wanted to keep away from her was breaking through. Her eyes searched for the details within her memories that only made the sickness in his stomach grow. His world had already met hers, and not only that his mother had brought it to her. As Sam and he spoke, he watched her carefully as she followed their words. Her eyes were searching for reason when she as questioned how it was her that she had brought it to her. A long story he did not want to talk about because the ending still frightened him. His mother could still be alive with Jack by her side in a world he may never be able to reach again. 

As a familiar name hit his ears his heart sank. Charlie. Although he had just seen her face in another world, it was not the real Charlie he had cared for, the one he was unable to protect. He could feel his heart beating faster as Y/N grabbed a book and shown his brother her past, one that included the bright smile on his friends face that he knew all too well as it still flashed in his memories. He felt his emotions burning inside of him, begging to come out when she told him to turn the pages. There they were, more of the family he had let down all those years ago. Ash, Ellen, and sweet Jo, the girl who sacrificed herself for him. His heart was now tearing into pieces.

A worn letter fell into his hands as he sat remembering, feeling the guilt that he tried to push back. Ash had sent her to them. If he had only known he would have found her one way or another if anything to honor his fallen friends' wishes for them to protect her. As he spoke he could see the anger inside of her push itself out as her words hit like acid. Out of instinct, he fought against them as his anger toward himself grew. He watched her face as his muscles tightened to attack her, she wasn’t scared. He saw it in her eyes, her anger still burning and seeing in his that he was as well. She could see it how it still haunted him, his past mistakes. The emotions in her eyes shifted as she watched him. She was still angry, but somehow she could read that he was too and she understood. Understood how the memories would keep him up at night, how given the job things happen to the ones you love, and how if he could take it all back, trading in his life for theirs he would. 

He watched her walk away with Sam following, a tear escaping down his cheek. How would she be able to forgive him when he could never forgive himself? He let out a deep sigh before following them. The subject already had changed as she asked more of her questions. Somehow she was able to push all the words that were said aside and allow herself to pretend that everything was normal. Nothing was nor ever would be normal, not with him around. 

Her smile gave him a sense of calm as they all spoke. She really was perfect. If there had been any chance at something more, surely all that had transpired erased them. Following her gaze to the clock, Dean knew he was running out of time he had with her. Sam offering for them to accompany her was his last shot before he knew she might be gone from him again. When she suggested that it was not going to happen unless they had a tux Dean jumped at his chance. This was it and he was not going to miss it.

“So what time should I be ready for our date?” Dean smiled coyly setting the box down from her grasp.

“Really, I’ll be fine,” she laughed as she tore through the tape to find her other lost items.

“Nonsense,” Dean stated. “You might need someone to carry you home after being bored to sleep all night.”

He watched as she rolled her eyes and chuckled, muttering a “fine” in defeat. He could feel his heart starting to beat faster, this was it. It was happening, and not only that he wouldn’t have Sam to lean on. No, it would just be her and him. The possibility of redemption from the past fueled him to work faster, tearing through the boxes and finding everything she needed. 

“Thanks,” she said while taking them from his hands. “There is an iron underneath the bathroom sink if you need it for your suit.”

Dean nodded as he looked over at Sam who had a smile raising in the corner of his mouth. This was the chance for Dean to find what he wanted, hell what he needed. There was no way he would let anything mess it up.

Y/N had disappeared into what Dean could only assume was her bedroom. He heard the water from a shower run as he went to Baby’s trunk for everything that he would need. While grabbing the garment bag that held the tux he glanced at all the tools that laid organized in front of him. Knives, guns, holy water, bombs and a whole lot of other tools he would usually reach for when going into the unknown. He shook his head as he pushed the trunk back shut. There was no need for any of it, at least not tonight.

After fixing himself in her bathroom mirror after changing, he walked out to have an approving nod from his brother that was short lived as Sam’s eyes moved to what was behind Dean. He turned his head and saw her standing there in a long low cut black dress with her hair falling on her shoulders in curls. Their eyes met as they both whispered that same word in unison, “Jesus”.

“Wait what?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Dean quickly replied as he pulled out Baby’s keys. “You ready to go.”

“Ah ah, Winchester, I do believe I said the next time I was driving,” she smiled while jiggling her keys in her hand.

Dean gave a low laugh while smiling as he followed her outside. He would do anything she told him to do to see her smile and tonight he would do exactly that. Butterflies now fluttering inside of him as they reached her car. She walked to the driver’s side making Dean move quickly on his feet.

“You know, as the guy I should at least drive,” he suggested while opening the door for her.

“No chance in hell Winchester,” she laughed before seating herself in.

Closing the door gently before walking himself around to the other side he felt his smile only growing wider. Nothing was going to ruin tonight. He wouldn’t let it. Everything was just going to be���perfect.

Keep reading to part nine here

Tags: @jaylarkson @waywardbaby @snffbeebee @iamabeautifulperson18 @19agbrown

[aikainkauna]

Movie meeeehm

Thanks to @nitrateglow for these!

1: A movie you enjoyed as a kid that you don't now

-Probs some comedy I'd find awfully sexist/racist/homophobic etc. now. But of course, I can't recall a specific one, probs because the experience is so deeply squicky and traumatic. Oh, wait, I know. I adored The Great Mouse Detective as a kid, but have heard so many "bleh" comments about it later that I don't want to ruin it by rewatching it as an adult. Why take a happy, cherished, pure and joyous memory away, especially as there are so few of those in my life anyway in proportion to the bad memories?

2: A movie you disliked as a kid that you like/love now

-Not a movie, but I was literally too fucking terrified to watch Doctor Who as a kid on cable, because the Tom Baker repeats they were showing terrified me with the title sequence alone. That empty stare and howling, diddly-duming music were enough to give me nightmares. So I only got into Who in my late teens!

3: Your favorite movie as a kid

-Define "kid." I went through several. I loved the Disney Robin Hood, of course, and at puberty, Wayne's World (yes) and The Princess Bride were my own cult movies, before I had anyone to fangirl them with. Ah, the pre-Internet era.

4: An actor/actress it took you time to warm up to

I remember being weirdly terrified and disturbed by Jeremy Brett as a kid, but then I felt the same about Bowie, and... well. Clearly it was my baby self not knowing WTF to do with all this stirring, restless energy that later turned out to be my skinnyandrogynousbisexualguy orientation thingy. And while I'd first seen Caligari and Casablanca as a teen in the early 90s, I wasn't ready for Connie until he pounced me in 2012. I would not have "got" him the same way and as hard until I was a grown-up, with a wide variety of experiences from many areas of life and a boatload of books/learning behind me. Just... no way.

5: A director it took you time to warm up to

-If anything, I've cooled off various directors I was impressed by when younger. So much of the auteur stuff gets wanky and self-imposing, in this Arrogant Artist Guy "look at my GENIUS big VISION and also insecurity about my penis size" kind of way. I like directors who can be warm and have fun and who show some real humanity (not wanky anvilly/kitchen sink-y sort of "humanity" either). Maybe Branagh? I found him a bit annoying as a kid, but now fap all over his stuff because now I'm old enough to Get It. He is the best kind of fanboy director; his geekiness is catching. Listening to his Thor commentary was a real eye-opener into my realising just how massive a nerd he is, and in a good, "one of us" kind of way.

6: Top five favorite soundtracks of your favorite movie composer

-There isn't just one! But Clint Mansell and Debbie Wiseman turn to gold everything they touch. Debbie especially is hugely unknown still, but she has this most amazing, swellingly Romantic music full of sweeping emotion that I just can't rec her enough. Do check her out; she'll give you goosebumps.

7: Three movies that defined your teen/childhood years

-I think I mentioned those already! But as a teenager, Bram Stoker's Dracula, La Reine Margot and Heavenly Creatures were formative. There were others I obsessed about way more than those, but they weren't as influential--it's more like they were massaging buttons I already had.

8: Sci-fi or westerns?

-Blake's 7! AKA "The Dirty Dozen in Space."

9: Are there any movies you own more than one copy of?

-Ahhahaha. AAAHHAHAHAHA! Of The Thief of Bagdad, I own: The Criterion clusterfuck with the awful clumsy cover someone had their 5-year-old draw, the Nordic DVD, the German Blu-Ray because I live on the edge (what with those Veidt Eye Closeups in HD being a hazard to any uterus) and at least three different digital copies. Because I'm me. I also own two digital copies and one DVD of Casablanca, three digital and one DVD of A Woman's Face and don't get me started on the British telefantasy I have on both DVD and VHS. I have spare copies of both the Caligari Masters of Cinema release and the ITV DVD of The Spy In Black, so I guess I should throw them at somebody.

10: Physical media or streaming?

-Neither. Video files firmly saved onto and run from my hard drive. Fuck streaming with its choppiness (ruins the viewing experience for me) and physical media are usually beyond my budget (unless I save up for a Connie DVD). Besides, I rip my favourite movie discs onto my HD anyway. I want to be able to gif that shit, dammit!

11: Are there any movies you watch on special occasions every year (Christmas, Halloween, birthdays, your mother's aunt's wedding anniversary, etc.)

-Used to do Nightmare Before Christmas on Halloween, but not any more. I still attempt ToB every Christmas. And I used to do All Through The Night with wine on my birthday, but as I can't tolerate alcohol anymore, the experience of Watching ATTN Drunk is no more. Someone start a Halloween tradition with me where we watch either The Student of Prague or Eerie Tales (or both) every year?

12: What movie do you most associate with your best friend(s)?

-Gosh, so few have stayed, so it's more like "movie that reminds you of a broken friendship," yay...?! I've learned to try and not associate movies with people that way any more, because it's more painful than it's worth. Connie is my best friend. He's like Krishna that way.

13: Name a movie adaptation you thought was better than or equal to its source material.

-LOTR put in more facial features and characterisation than Tolkien ever did, and did the tales far less fucking tediously. Imagine if you'd had to sit and watch hobbits walking through the countryside for 6 hours with barely anything happening?! Yeah...

14: What genres do your favorite movies tend to be?

-Historical, fantasy, Gothic Romantic, just Romantic stuff on the whole. More old than new movies these days. Why watch shitty modern chick flicks when I have far better characterisation and far less narrowly defined female lives in old-timey "women's pictures?" And guys who actually fucking shaved, dressed in clothes that were tailored for them instead of rented and saggy, whose bodily expressions weren't frozen for fear of "fagginess," and who weren't pumped full of 'roids.

15: Are you a fan of period dramas and if so, what era do you enjoy best?

-Yes. I love me some costume dramas, but I am seriously picky about them--most post-90s ones have been fucking awful and tend to feature shitty costumes and unkempt hair that would've sent real historical people to Bedlam, wobblycam from hell, vomit-inducingly excessive modernisation to be "edgy", and that one painfully skeletal bint they shove into every period drama ever these days, so it's... slim pickings for a history nerd, these days. There aren't many good ones set in the 17th century/Baroque era, which I love the most: the two Baroque dramas I wholeheartedly love are both series. (The Devil's Whore and By The Sword Divided.) The Angeliques and Musketeer adaptations are riddled with flaws, but there are some glowing bits within. As for The Golden Age of Islam... bloody hell, there really aren't that many good ones out there, are there?! ToB and Jodhaa Akbar and Disney's Aladdin, obviously. La Reine Margot isn't "my" period but it's great, as is Dangerous Liaisons (also not my period)--those are so fucking perfect. And the Connie period dramas, well... I think of them as primarily "silent movies" or "old movies," actually. Of those, The Student of Prague, ToB and The Wandering Jew are the best "costume" ones, IMHO. (I'd probs enjoy Lucrezia Borgia and Carlos and Elisabeth way more, were the copies we have not so smudgy.)

16: Name a movie you love that you would recommend to just about everyone.

-Ah, but we know there are always cynical cunts out there who'd give even Casablanca two stars, so what's the point? I'd still recommend it, though. And The Lion King, I guess.

17: Name a movie you love that you consider an acquired taste.

-Honestly, I'm thinking of telly rather than movies again. You will pry my cherished copy of The Time Monster from my cold, dead hands. Does The Devil of Winterborne count as a movie or TV? That's how far back my love for Mark Gatiss goes. Um... Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood makes me fucking cry with laughter (the comedic timing is what does it. *beat* "Ain't dat some shit!"). Of Connie's oeuvre, yes, I know Bella Donna is rubbish, but Connie and Mary are SIZZLING and horny and juicy and it's Valid as a BDSM porn movie. And the novel is actually good.

18: Name a film you like directed by/starring a filmmaker/actor you normally don't care for.

-Not so much actor/director, but I did *not* expect to love Thor as much as I did, because I expected a dumb popcorn movie but got great adventure cinema with a touch of Shakespeare instead. I really am not the right audience for regular Marvel features at all, before or after. Fuck Marvel up its dumb macho Republican ass. But Thor is fucking beautiful and operatic and poetic and majestic and Pagan and shit. Branagh knows what I like.

19: Name a movie that blew your mind.

-A Woman's Face (1941). Because. Holy. Fuck. How can I keep on finding yet more details in it six years after first watching it, having watched it countless times by now?! And obvs all the other stuff, like the shockingly good female POV, amazing and complex woman protagonist, amazing writing, amazing ensemble cast, amazing direction, amazing lighting, amazing evil Torsten Slinkypussy Barring and The. Goddamn. Attic. Scene.

20: What genre mash-up would you most love to see that either hasn't been done yet or hasn't been done enough?

-Feminist-savvy historical romance with fantasy elements and hot explicit sex that's not shit. Basically, like the stuff you see in my fics, but better paced and woven into coherent adventure movies.

21: The coolest movie you've ever seen

-Too, too many. But Bogie was the coolest. And Claude Rains had the best acting skills. And Conrad Veidt was Conrad motherfucking Veidt. So what with those three mountains of coolness all converging under the Moroccan sky, I'm sure it's safe to say "Casablanca."

[cuthie]

Atreyu Starbrook: Demon Hunter Tales

The Beginning

“Here, I saved you the heart.”

   A younger elf in light plated armor offers me a recently felled demon’s liver. I crack into a smile wide enough to showcase my thick elongated canines. The boy, with long ebony hair held in place by a red headband, returns the perceived camaraderie with his own goofy grin. He’s as pretty as he is dumb, but there’s definitely a healthy helping of charm under all his shenanigans. 

Perhaps I would find him more entertaining if I didn’t want to sever his head from his body and drink the blood of all his family.

Those aren’t my thoughts. They use my voice, linger in my mind, but they’re not mine. 

Yes they are. They’re my baser desires. 

No, they’re not.

  I like to think I’ve grown accustomed to the demon within me, and on most days I can silence him, but it’s bitter resentment towards me is misplaced for it’s own failings.

 I didn’t fail, I planned on- 

There. Gone for now.

  Another elf, this one squat, heavy and in paladin armor clears his throat, “Cuthbert, that’s not a heart. Besides, I’m sure they don’t really eat demons, right Atreyu?”

  I swivel my head in his direction to be polite. I can see their auras through my own skull, no need to move at all. Funny, I always thought eyes in the back of my head would be an improvement, but in reality it’s only a slight boon. I can see someone behind me, if I’m focusing, which takes only slightly less effort than actually turning my head. The dumb one’s aura is a lot dimmer, but the pair give off the same familiar glow of the Holy Light. I can see every particle in their body, I can see the impressions they leave behind in weaponry, footsteps, books they’ve read, letters they’ve written. Impressions don’t always last very long though, and I imagine my sight is as strong as it can be for now. Of course, were I to devour this offered liver, drink some of the demon’s fel blood even, that might improve.

  I shiver as a memory flickers through my mind at the speed of a passing moment, but the demonic force inside me insistently projects it to the forefront of my thoughts. It may be silent for now, but it’s influence is always present.

  I’m back in the Black Temple, amidst a confused crowd in a locked courtyard. Lord Illidan stands tall, calculating, then beckons me forth. I exhale, more than a little nervous. I know what’s expected of me, I witnessed at least three dozen hunters step forward already. Had I known that this is where following Kael’thas would bring me, I would have been more hesitant. Bas’tian, my brother and all of Quel’thalas deserves retribution, vengeance.

  I step into the summoning circle with only a sword to protect me. A black felstalker manifests, immediately picks up my scent and lunges at me. A flash of green, my memory skips forward and it’s over. I’m panting, my body exhausted, bleeding, ready to fall over but the demon dead at my feet. It hates watching this part. It refuses to rewatch the exact tactics that entrapped it. In the physical world my smile continues, while in my memory I’m repulsed at what comes next.

  I cut out the beast’s still hot beating heart and bring it to my mouth. The scent is horrible but the taste is worse and overwhelming. My thick fangs bite into the meaty pulsing organ, fangs that didn’t exist when I actually endured the trials, but as always, the mind craves familiarity. It’s like eating hot squiggling slugs. Everything squirms, squirts and tries to escape as it fills my maw completely. A flash of green. I scoop out a handful of fel blood and drink it down. It brings me to my knees, tasting of rotgut alcohol and it’s all I can do to swallow my vomit.

  Burning fel magic threatens to melt my throat, then my body feels as if it’s on fire. I look up to see the same demon, the felstalker, chasing down my brother Bas’tian. I reach for a sword that is no longer there, and instead I rush in and rip the demon apart with my own hands and claws. It’s too late, Bas’tian is gone. A flash of green.

“Take your vengeance. Feed me.”

  It was my voice. I blink and look up at the large elf in front of me. He looks delicious. I lunge upon him, clawing through his armor, trying to get to that delicious elven heart. My brother tries to kill me in return, but it’s too late for him. I win. A flash of green.

  By now I’ve killed this demon eighteen times. Only once in the physical world, but many times inside my own mind, knowing each battle would mean the end of everything if I lost. Each scenario is different but I always win. Always. At last I fall face first onto a stone floor, and watch as I leave my body behind, floating above as a specter, eavesdropping on my former life. Suddenly I’m expelled into the universe, Outlands becoming a speck in the Twisting Nether. As I fly faster than any person or thing has ever moved I behold millions upon millions of worlds teeming with life and promise. Every passing second tens of thousands of children, women and men are dying somewhere. The Burning Legion destroys all worlds. The millions upon millions of lights in the universe wink out until only a few remain. They conquer and raze worlds like an army might a small town. They are endless, they are legion, and nothing can ever defeat them. A flash of green.

Join us.

  It’s worse than losing a loved one. Abrupt death is an inevitability and soon not even dust will remain. It doesn’t stop, won’t stop. I see each and every member of my family murdered in the most gruesome and creative ways possible a thousand times over. Each one is traumatizing, each one is really happening, each one is the end of the world, and no matter how hard I close my eyes I can’t stop watching. I scream, I cry, and I dig my fingernails into my eye sockets. Sharp nails dig into my eyelids as I painfully squeeze above and below the orbs simultaneously, dragging skin with me, until I can grip my eyes enough to simply pull them out. Strands that once connected nerves now stretch, resist, then snap and dangle, but despite the pain it doesn’t blind me. I can see still everything. A flash of green.

  The felstalker paces from left to right. I have it’s full attention. It lunges again, only this time I stop it with a single hand. I grip it by it’s scaley hot throat, squeeze and it explodes into a rain of fel blood and gore. I am stronger. I rip into it’s chest, pulling out then devouring it’s wriggling steaming heart, then I drink from it’s blood. These things no longer disgust me. The blood is quite delicious. My head lifts in glee, I lick my lips and quiver as my powers and abilities grow exponentially. A flash of green.

  The demon’s blood in particular is intoxicating, addictive. I can feel the immediate connection to the Burning Legion, just as much as I feel my anger rising, my strength growing and the presence of something dark sharing my thoughts. I can’t see anything but black now, but I can smell HIM. Illidan Stormrage. I lift myself up and launch, fangs and claws extended, ready to end the Betrayer’s life. A flash of pain paints the black nothingness of my sightless vision red as a single backhanded stroke collides into my face and throws my body far away. I hit the ground rolling, then a flash of green.

  I see colors, so many colors. Everywhere, floating aimlessly about the world around me. So many of these colors I didn’t know existed. I don’t have names for them. A voice commands me. I do as they bid. The colors swirl and form objects. People. I can feel the woman in front of me without touching her. She’s one of the hundreds of bedlamites that plague this sweat stenched temple, muttering to themselves, eating their own hands. Now I know why. A flash of green.

  My haunting experiences within the Black Temple continued, but -it- isn’t interested in reviewing the other trials and teachings. Neither am I. What lasted an eternity in my mind was all of four seconds in reality. I shake my head at Alain, “No, not always. It’s tempting, but I understand the weight of it’s consequences all too well.”

  Alain doesn’t like that answer. His smile falters for half a moment, but I caught it. I hope he can appreciate the honesty there. Cuthbert simply looks confused, “So you do but.. Too many calories?”

  I simply nod my head once, “Yes.” He’ll never understand, it’s easier this way. Alain and Cuth both are in bad shape. They’re both covering their pain and fatigue, one with fatuity, the other with self dismissive kindness. They look to me to lead. “Let’s head back to the overlook in Suramar.”

Cuth raises a brow, “But we didn’t even find the portal.”

  “Mm, we have a lead. We’ll recuperate and try again tomorrow.” I’ll try again tomorrow, not them. Cuth isn’t cut out for this and Alain is straining himself to protect them both. Cuthbert should have stayed with his Order’s leader, as ordered. Dumb kid.

  Together we turn around and make our return to base. Cuthbert begins to sing, loudly, and to my surprise Alain joins in. I remember the song but I don’t quite remember the lyrics. Something about a hard knock life. About an abandoned quel’dorei girl with curly red hair.

  It would be so easy, the work of seconds. I could raise my glaives and slit both their throats at once. The crimson gush oozing down my blades, the tingling rush running down my spine, their annoying prattle forever silenced.

  I can tolerate anything and everything these two put me through. Because I already endure the most annoying thing in this world or any other, you.

Asshole.

  The sun has set, but unlike my companions, I can see just as easily in the dark. We’re only ten minutes away from home when the hair on the back of my neck prickles. I stop in my tracks and turn my eyes around to the three Felhounds in total, one one to our left, one to our right and one behind us. Their kind have tentacles that attach and drain magic. What better snack than a trio of blood elves.

Kin of yours I hope.

  I manifest my glaives instantaneously, the runic weapons bound to my soul and heeding my call. The ability to summon them now comes as effortlessly to me as clenching my own fists. They are an extension of myself, and while there are countless weapons out there more powerful, these are mine and I know them inside and out.

  I quickly pivot on my left foot, crouching and extending my right leg to bring it behind the back of Cuthbert’s knees. As he falls down I raise my right glaive in time to catch the midsection of the airborne demon. Like a hot knife through butter, the beast is cut in twain, it’s front half whining, it’s fangs chomping, it’s tentacles flailing.

I wanna fight, let me kill them.

No. It is not your time.

  I turn around to see one demon already pinning Alain to the ground, the tall grass almost covering the both of them up. A sound similar to a strong gust of wind begins and passes in the same second just as Alain surrounds himself with a bright glowing ‘bubble’. The demon applies it’s suckers, attempting to drain the Light magic, but it won’t be getting anything from that.

  Alain buying himself a few precious seconds allows me to focus on the third demon. I bring my arm back and then fling my weapon with strength siphoned from my internal demon. The blade catches in the felhound’s head, digging in deep, only for it to disappear and reform into my right hand as grey matter and green puss splatter onto the ground.

  While Cuthbert still tries to stand up and figure out what’s going on, Alain is on his feet and his protective barrier gone. He tightens his grip on his mace and takes a diagonal swing at the hound, which gracefully avoids the attack, ducking its head at just the right angle.

  I don’t spare the paladin’s feelings. I dash to the remaining demon, my right leg rising to punt the lynx sized creature ten yards into the air. Reminiscent of the Black Temple’s training courses I mindlessly spring up in pursuit, wings bursting through the skin of my back. The familiar appendages flap together once to hasten my ascent as I raise both glaives above me. First left, then right, I cut in an X shaped fashion, severing the demon into three ugly sections, it’s insides becoming outsides as their rain down on the blonde haired mender.

  I can’t help it. I narrow my eyes and lick my lips. It may as well be mana flavored melting icecream. I swallow, take a staggering breath and my arms bulge until my veins threaten to burst. I could eat just a little more, drink a little more. This speed, this agility, this strength, this everything.. I could be so much more than I am. Just a little…

  No. I quietly glide back down, light leather boots barely making a sound as they land on soft grass. I throw another smile towards Alain to try and alleviate some of his concerns. “Sorry about that.”

  He laughs nervously, then helps Cuth up who looks entirely starstruck. “Did- Did you? I wish I had wings, you’re so lucky! Maybe I should be a Demon Fighter.”

  Alain sighs, “Hunter and you’re better than them. You’re gonna be a paladin some day. Never say that again.” It took all of two seconds before the gentle paladin realized what he was saying. He turned to look at me, the sneer hiding behind a fake smile, “I mean no offense.. My apologies.”

I shrug my shoulders, “Keep to your faith, it suits you both.”

  While Cuthbert and Alain, though mostly Cuth, kept conversation for the remainder of our trip, that was the last thing I had said. Conversation is much more difficult when you want to kill everyone around you. Or rather, when something is trying to convince you of that. 

[gregwhite]

SOLD A SHOW

So a writing career is kind of made up of two jobs: getting staffed on other people’s shows, and selling your own shows in the hopes that one day you will be the one doing the staffing. I’ve been lucky since getting my first writing job in 2009 to basically be employed on other people’s shows on a fairly consistent basis, with only a few notable gaps*, but I hadn’t had much experience selling shows. 

I had pitched a bunch over the years, and I’m still very fond of a lot of them. One of them was called Lesser Gods (pitched with character designs by my very talented board artist pal Will Patrick)--it was set in the realm of the gods, and followed the Zeus character’s degenerate son as he is exiled into a life ruling the lesser gods, aka the gods nobody cares about (there was the god of smooth jazz, and so on). Very fun show, but I don’t think I pitched it very well. Then there was a show called Slice, pitched with Six Point Harness, which was more of a King of the Hill sort of tone set on a crappy public golf course. The show began when this slummy golf pro’s somewhat estranged daughter, a local government employee, is hired to make the golf course profitable, which basically makes her her dad’s boss. Another show I really loved, but I don’t think it really connected with the folks we took it to. 

And on and on and on. 

Then in 2015, I had partnered with Alex Bulkley at Shadow Machine (a great man, and a great studio) on another animated show of mine called Robot Daughter (my agents made sure my DreamWorks deal allowed me to pitch and develop to outside buyers). The premise of RD was basically Terminator meets Girls. A small-time inventor is kidnapped by the Russians (it’s always the Russians) and forced at gunpoint to create a killing machine for them, which he does, but he ends up developing paternal feelings for his creation, so he takes it on the run, slaps skin on it, and tries to hide it in plain sight by enrolling it in high school, passing it off as his teenage daughter. The joke of the show was that for this death machine, capable of anything, high school is a lot more complicated and confusing than actual war. It was funny and vulgar and we sold it to MTV. That was the first time I really felt truly confident in a pitch, where I could just talk about the show without little note cards or anything. It was just “here’s the hook, here’s what the show’s about, thanks for listening.” It was a good lesson in not only how to pitch, but also what to pitch. There are some things that you take out that you feel sort of like, “Yeah, this is a show more or less” and then there are things you take out that feel like, “Oh, this is definitely a show.” That isn’t to say they follow a template, quite the opposite, but that there’s something that just feels right about it. 

I wrote a pilot I’m still really fond of (it’s become a sample my agents and managers use quite often) but ultimately MTV decided, after buying our show, that they didn’t want to do animation anymore. Fair enough. It was a throwback to sort of that Liquid Television era of MTV, and in the end it wasn’t enough to convince them that animation was where it’s at. 

A note on animation for a sec. While I love it, I never intentionally decided that I was going to do primarily animation, it just sort of happened this way. And when it comes time for me to pitch something, the ideas I get most excited about take place in alternate universes and other realities with gods or animals or robots as protagonists. At this point, I just go with it. But on the selling side of things, a lot of studios and networks don’t really know how to approach animation. Is it its own thing? Can it exist alongside live-action shows? It’s a weirder, more niche thing to pitch it seems. I don’t let that really influence what I pitch or write, but it’s worth noting. 

Anyway, moving on. At the end of 2015, I was rewatching The Sopranos, and one episode ended with this beautiful Nick Lowe song called The Beast in Me and I became a little obsessed with it. Just the notion of this roiling monster living inside someone (basically all of us to some degree) and the person not knowing exactly how to deal with it struck me as particularly profound. It also made me think of my dog, Louie, a little wonderhound schnauzer, and how he seems to contain all these amusing contradictory traits. One minute he’s trotting along next to me, docile and obedient, and the next minute he’s vomiting blood and shrieking at the sight of a squirrel or one of his SACRED ENEMIES (pugs and other flat faced dogs). 

So with this in mind, I wrote a script for a show called The Beast in Me. It was basically, what if Bambi decided to get revenge on his mother’s killer, but in doing so, gets sidetracked and wanders off into a nearby city and gets a job at a data entry office. The show was very dry and odd and absurd, and was sort of just about this fox character learning what it means to become human (he gets a job, makes friends, experiences love, etc). I sent it to my managers at Principato-Young, as I often do, with a very self-satisfied note: “Hey! Here’s another script! I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever done!” When we connected, they were less enthused than I (I get VERY enthused about things), but they said that there was something about the revenge aspect of this show that struck them as interesting. I recall one of my managers saying, “It feels more like a Western.” It was the end of the year, and I was leaving for the holidays, but they told me to fiddle around with it to see if maybe there was something there. 

So I went home to Jersey for a few weeks, and thought about it, and when I came back in January of 2016, we started talking about this idea weekly. First it was a change in the setting, from present day Hudson Valley to the 1800s Dakota Territories. And it needed a tone shift. So I made it about The Fox, now this sort of bizarre combination of a sweet, sentient animal who is at the same time violently hungry for revenge and yet weirdly naive about the world in his absolute dedication to his personal code. And he’s out there traveling with a Chinese immigrant who is searching for his own family, and this murderous crack shot Molly, who dreams of becoming the first female US Marshal. And then it needed a villain, so we rewrote history and made it Chester A Arthur, who we portray as a lunatic American Hitler with no moorings in reality. He murders James Garfield to snatch the presidency, and by the time The Fox discovers who killed his mom, the task is clear: kill the dictatorial president of the United States. (Who knew this would be so satisfying to write post November 8...)

So it took us quite a while to really land on the tone and the serialized nature of the story and to make sure it functioned as a bizarro drama and not just as a disposable joke machine comedy. And so by September of 2016 the adults started setting up pitches for us, and we basically spent 2 weeks or so in the early fall pitching once or twice a day. The pitch felt very good from the start. I knew the show very well, and was very passionate about making this show (basically, it was me doing Tarantino/Miyazaki fan fiction). Plus, the pitch was fun to do. I liked talking about it. I liked telling people about our alt Chester A Arthur. I liked walking them through five seasons of serialized storytelling. And this was a big difference. In the past, I worried so much about hitting certain talking points in the pitch, that I never really considered whether or not I even liked the words I was saying. This time around, the metric was: what is the detail in each section that I can’t wait to get to? No notes, no pages, just go in there and tell these people about our strange story. 

And it worked! This combination of a weird but familiar thing, and a straight forward telling of something very strange ended up resulting in two offers. One from a streaming channel, and one from FX. FX was always the target in our heads in terms of the tone they aim for, and the kinds of stuff they put on the air, and so we were pleased to be able to go with them. Then the adults started doing the deal stuff, and I went home for Christmas again. 

Now here we are, and I’m about to start writing. So far the conversations we’ve had with their execs have been very creatively satisfying. They want us to make something unique and they have been pushing me to do better work, and to consider the characters’ inner lives and all the things that are very easy to ignore. I pitched them a few pilot premises, and they were off the mark, and we’re** about to go back to them with what I think is a strong but simple premise that allows us to introduce the world and the show to an audience while still leaving plenty of room for the quiet stillness associated with the Western genre. We always said that the show was more anime than Archer. I love Archer more than anything else some days, but it’s a very quick, dialog rich show. This thing will work best in a slower execution. 

So that’s the shape of it. I wrap my very happy time at DreamWorks in a few short weeks, and then I’ll switch over to writing The Beast in Me pilot full time for a few months before seeing what comes my way next. Hopefully I can write a script on this thing that convinces FX to let us make a pilot, and then eventually get to series because I really want to spend a few years making this incredibly strange show. 

I hope to convey a few things here. One is: it’s ok if things take a while. I used to think if something wasn’t ready in five minutes or less, it wasn’t worth pursuing. But having had this experience, one that I enjoyed at every step, I’m okay with something taking longer than expected (in this case it was well over a year between conception and pitching and eventually selling). The other thing to point out is that it’s really not worth pitching things unless you’re very excited about them. This sounds obvious, and maybe it is, but I feel as though there’s enough stuff out there that nobody seems to care about. At the very least, you owe it to yourself and anybody who might watch or read your stuff to care more than anyone else does. There are easier ways to make money than selling cartoons. 

A few other takeaways from this experience: the outcome doesn’t matter. In other words, is this show more valid because we sold it? Would it have been less valid had we failed to sell it? Of course not. And yet a certain extrinsically motivated mindset would say that the opposite is true. Ignore extrinsic motivators. Be intrinsically motivated. Now obviously, you need to eat food and live in the world, so making a living is a valid reason for doing anything, but from a strictly creative point of view, this experience has bolstered my beliefs in doing good work for its own sake. Lewis Hyde would likely agree if I understand his dense writing correctly. 

Finally, this show I think taught me to be fully confident in my ideas, but also that confidence doesn’t come from blind faith, it comes from a true belief and connection to your work. I would take long walks while working on this idea with Lou, and I would play Morricone on my headphones and walk and walk for hours and let the show reveal itself to me in waves. I would then go back home and write down my impressions of what the music made me feel. It gave me a sense in the feeling I wanted to write towards. And in this process, I came to really love what I was thinking about it in terms of the eventuality of this show being made. And that made me very excited and knowledgable by the time we walked into rooms*** for our pitch meetings.

I don’t know if The Beast in Me will ever become something anyone sees, but I do know that I’m enjoying the process, and I promise you, if you can hold tight to that enjoyment, you will never fail.

*Such as the gap between April 2013 and October 2013 where I wasn’t on a staff at all...this was right before I started writing on Puss in Boots at DreamWorks and now here we are over 3 years later, still at it. Such is a freelance style career. The trick is to not let the external stuff influence your internal life. 

**I keep saying we or us because my managers are serving as producers on this, so often it’s a “we” more than “me.”

***A note on rooms and circular life paths. In 2010 or so, I was a very new-at-this writer, having just done a very short 7 episode season of a then-unaired show on Comedy Central called Ugly Americans. FX had a pilot called Duchess, later called Archer, and they were thinking that maybe the show would have a writing staff or maybe some freelance writers at some point. So I remember sitting in this room watching this pilot of theirs, just being so amazed to even be on the dance floor, and thinking how fortunate I was that things worked out as I had hoped they would. And then 6 years later, we sold The Beast in Me to FX in the same room. It doesn’t mean anything, but it does. It’s easy to let things slip by in an attempt to channel the Stoics, but once in a while it’s important to allow yourself a brief moment of satisfaction that your process is leading you down a rich and fulfilling path. 

[sleepymarmot]

The Untamed liveblog, eps. 39-45

And now, today’s portion.

39

I thought I understood what was going on, but now I am confused again.

When is this flashback happening, when did Xiao Xinchen finally recognize Xue Yang? Song Lan's body is still fresh on the ground, but in the previous flashback they walked away, and he clearly didn't realize what happened immediately.

Also I don't understand the timeline. Xue Yang killed Chang Ping in revenge for Xiao Xinchen, did I get that right? So why did it happen 16 years ago, before Xue Yang met Xinchen in Yi City or could get his sword?

So what happens to Xinchen's (comatose, presumably?) body? Just lie forever in that coffin, untouched by time?

After the previous episode I assumed Xue Yang arranged WWX's resurrection and was the black-clad figure and the source of demonic infection in episode 1. Is that correct? This episode didn't elaborate.

Confused again. Whose body was in the coffin under magical suppression?

Hell yeah I think the Yuan reveal is about to happen

"Late night talks", huh? At least Xichen didn't play dumb and pretend he doesn't know who this is about, which is what I feared.

"He doesn't have any traces of having practiced this spell on his body." And you would know all about his body, wouldn't you. What a TMI thing to say in front of your little brother! This conversation keeps getting more and more scandalous.

Jokes aside, is the subtext intentional? "Late night talks" can't be simply a product of mistranslation or my dirty mind! It's not even that I particularly wanted this to happen, this relationship in the flashback looked to me like a simple mentor/protege with only a potential for something more. Oh, and it's worrying because only virgins survive in this show. Look at Yanli, she got laid and died only a year later!

Oh, don't tell me the series will end with Xichen nobly sacrificing his life for the Big Bad he believes to be good! (The only worse option: purposefully abandoning his morals for love.) On the other hand, the parallel with LWJ deciding to trust WWX despite what the entire world was telling him...

Oh good, Xichen didn't suddenly become an idiot and actually recognized WWX, I was starting to worry

Jesus, all of that was only one episode?!

40

WHY ARE YOU TWO TRYING TO HAVE A SECRET DATE RIGHT NEXT ROOM TO THE KIDS YOU'RE SUPERVISING

why do you keep asking how LWJ recognized you? You were dressed in your usual outfit and used your usual techniques? How could anyone who knew you even a bit not recognize you?!

oh I'm loving the Tension(tm) in the scenes with JC and JGY at the entrance

Glad WWX is not the most embarrassing person at this party!

God I don't think I ever realized that Ling knew the real Mo Xuanyu and he treated WWX as the person he already knew and disliked. Should I rewatch all their scenes together?!

Aww, helping his nephew to win a fight!

"My uncle always tells me to not fight, but you are encouraging me to do so." Oh lmao

"When you grow older, you'll find that the number of people you want to beat up will increase. At that time, you'll have no choice but to be on good terms with those people. So while you're still young, you should give those people you hate a good beating." Absolutely crying at this piece of wisdom

I love how the present-day show is a buddy comedy about paranormal investigators (who are in love)

What?? Am I hearing this right, is the affair actual canon?? They can acknowledge that homosexuality exists in this series??? Only if it's "disgusting to the point of vomiting", I guess...

Wait, what? Who's Ah Song? Did I completely misunderstand where the conversation was going?

"Ah Su, I really didn't have a second path to walk back then. Originally, I was going to hide this forever from you, not let you know about this matter. But this plan has been completely destroyed by the person who told you." Well I guess I misunderstood.

Yikes, an entire torture chamber?

41

Is Guangyao playing dumb or is he truly not familiar with the concept "people don't like it when someone is being a bloodthirsty, sadistic lil bitch"?

Oh, so WWX can't wield his sword normally, but can via the paper man?

42

"It uses a person’s full spiritual consciousness as the price to heal an extremely injured person." Oh my god is THIS how Jiang Cheng learns the truth lmao

Lovely detail: LWJ pauses playing an unfamiliar song to turn the page of the sheet music

43

I didn't realize WWX's reputation wounded him so much he doesn't even want to learn the truth anymore

How many times per episode can you play the main song? How are the characters in-universe not sick of it yet?

Oh really, the settlement in Yiling was one of the worst times in your life?

I can't believe they're still delaying the Yuan reveal. If this doesn't happen while he's literally in the same place WWX raised him...

44

Wow, I had nothing to say the entire episode! I must be getting tired. WWX doing a Poirot speech is always nice to see, I guess. Also shout out to JGY for trying to murder EVERYONE except his boyfriend, that was a pretty bold move.

45

Can't believe Wen Ning figured it out before WWX...

I don't understand why WWX and LWJ don't discuss their child? Is WWX really still out of the loop? Why is LWJ refusing to explain anything?

Oh shit! Are we finally about to see the Sanrens?

Well, if there's something I REALLY didn't expect from the show, then it's rape and necrophilia on screen. Oh cool, and incest too.

--

Welp. Am I just tired, or did the show become kinda boring after the revelations about JGY and the emotional scenes Xichen had about him? The plot slowed to a crawl, everyone stands around, discusses JGY's numerous crimes, and refuses to discuss Suzhui's parentage. Or WWX’s lack of spirit ability -- seriously, are you telling me neither his brother nor his soulmate have figured it out yet?!

Also I resent (though am not surprised at all) that sex is only brought up in the context of sex crimes to make a villain look more depraved. Well congratulations, you win, I like him less now! 

At least I wasn't completely delusional -- that the letter WAS about sex. I just wasn’t thinking of the right taboo. My bad for assuming anything gay could be allowed to be canon, even as a villainous trait!

I keep waiting for some clever plot twist that isn’t likely to come and shake up the plot. I resent the writers for going with “it was a mistake to help someone visibly abused; he probably made it up for attention anyway; but even if he didn’t, he deserved it”, and a part of me keeps hoping this will be subverted, even if the rational part of my brain knows it’s not going to happen.