#some columbos are fun to watch because the murderer is incompetent

[columboscreens]

[tuttle-did-it]

As I have said many, many times now in the notes, Father Brown is just not a very enjoyable show for me. The reason all of these shows in this genre are a hit is because they have a powerful lead who can keep the show on their shoulders, create an enjoyable character that you actually love watching, and, in many but not all cases, a good supporting cast. It's definitely helpful if it is a unique or fun setting we haven't seen before, but that is less important.

If you can't give me a good main character or supporting character,s you have to give me good writing if you want me to tune in. Doesn't even have to be brilliant writing-- just make it fun.

Father Brown gives me none of that. So I don't tune in.

The genre, in general, is a pretty predictable one-- you usually know who the villain is when they come on screen for the first time. Generally speaking, we've all seen enough of these shows to know whodunnit. But that doesn't matter because if you have a charismatic enough lead who is going through all of it, it's fun.

Mark Williams, I just don't find him charismatic. I don't find him enjoyable to watch, I don't find him fun. So the writing is mediocre, the cast is dull, the lead is boring, and that only leaves the occasional guest stars. But when I don't enjoy the writing or the lead or the cast on a show, I'm not going to tune in every week. I *may* turn on a single episode if there's a guest star I want to see. But generally speaking, I just don't.

As much as I hate complimenting America for anything, they figured out in the 50s/60s how to create a compelling cosy murder mystery. They perfected this in the 1980s. They realised that the single most important element is a strong lead that you enjoy watching. Cos we've all seen these stories before. There's rarely anything new in this genre-- and I think that is intentional. I think it's most successful when it is derivative. All the best cosy murder mystery shows are in some way. I don't care. I just watn something fun.

Even the Knives Out films-- the stories are good. The writing is good. The characters are interesting. The murders are interesting. But the murderer is rarely a shock, and let's face it-- we watch cos Daniel Craig is utterly delightful with his awful Foghorn Leghorn accent as he interrogates big name actors who are well-established within film and TV. The stories are fun, but it's sucessful because Craig is so fucking fun to watch. This is basically what I want-- but Craig is what-- 56? If I could age him up 5 years, age up the guest stars by at least 10 years, and turn it into a tv show, that's what I want.

We don't watch Columbo for the stories. We watch it for Columbo losing his shit at Leonard Nimoy, or flirting with Patrick McGoohan, or drinking a glass of wine with the guy he's going to arrest.

We don't watch Murder She Wrote for the stories, we've seen them all before in Agatha Christie and Perry Mason. But that doesn't matter-- We watch them because Jessica Fletcher is just an enjoyable character to watch as she's correcting the incompetent police. And because Angela Lansbury did her best to create jobs for her old costars so they could keep their insurance or people she heard were struggling. So we tune in to see this elderly old man who has played eight different characters on the show, and it doesn't even matter. It's just fun.

We watch Perry Mason cos no matter how hard he tries not to, he's flirting with every single man that comes his way (especially Berger) and that's fun. He's a quiet main character, but Raymond Burr had a subtle and gentle humour that he brought out of Perry. He managed to hold the show on his shoulders very well. He did the same with Ironside. And he had supporting characters who helped make it fun when the stories were getting a little too tired, or when Ray was obviously burnt out cos he was in every scene for years decades.

We watch Matlock cos Andy Griffith was a mean son of a bitch, and as awful as he was to be around in real life, He's funny. And him losing his shit at lying clients, or eating a hot dog and yelling about how much he hates someone-- it's funny. It's fun. Does it matter whodunnit? No. Cos Matlock is going yell at someone and get someone on the stand and corner them in silly dramatics that in real life would have absolutely got him disbarred, and no one cares. They are just fun. Bonus if he gets to yell at Dick Van Dyke or Don Knotts.

The stories are the same in all these shows, they don't really matter --IF you have a fun lead that you just want to keep watching. If you don't have a strong lead, you need a strong supporting cast. If you don't have a strong cast, you need amazing writing. But most cosy murder shows do not rely on writing. They are just *fun.*

The main lead is too young for what I'm after in Miss Fisher, I much prefer older main characters and older guest stars for murder mystery shows. However, point still stands: Phryne is an engaging, delightful and fun character to watch. The stories are fine, they're not brilliant, but Essie Davis is delightful. She's just so much fun. Essie brings a show that would be a very forgettable C- show up to a solid B international hit. And in fact, you can see why Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries is such a success compared to Ms Fisher's MODern Mysteries, which no one watched or liked. The stories are very similar, the setting is very similar. But Essie Davis as Phryne was electric on the screen, and just a lot of fun to watch. Essie could carry the whole show by herself, so it only helps that she has a decent supporting cast that clash with her character on different levels.

Contrastingly, Geraldine Hakewill on the MOD mysteries is just... like watching a piece of paper. She's not the worst actor I've ever seen (that would be far more entertaining), but she is definitely not charismatic and electric that you have to watch the next episode. Or even the next scene. I forget MOD exists most of the time, cos it was like eating a piece of paper. But I can rewatch Phryne Fisher many times over because Essie as Phryne is just fun to watch.

It's a bonus if the writing is good on a cosy murder mystery. But generally, I tune in because I want to see the lovely, charismatic older main characters engage in silly conversations with the lovely guest stars (ideally older as well) that I recognise from Things I Used To Watch. I watch for the interactions between the actors, and it's a bonus if there is decent writing or a fun setting. Or nice clothes. Nice clothes is definitely a good thing.

Father Brown does not have any of that for me. Mark Williams isn't an engaging actor to me. He's not charismatic as the main character to me. I don't enjoy watching him. I don't enjoy watching the supporting cast. I don't enjoy the writing. The occasional guest stars are nice, great.

What I want is a FUN show with an older lead who is delightful and fun to watch, with decent writing and older guest stars who are fun to watch. Bonus if there's a fun supporting cast. Double bonus if there are great clothes. That's not Father Brown for me. I WANT to like Father Brown. I do. But every time I try to watch the show, I'm just *bored.* And that's a problem for this genre. You can be average in this genre, and still be a hit-- IF the characters are fun enough. Father Brown is not a fun watch for me. It's not clever writing that keeps me guessing, it's not charismatic actors that keep me wanting more. It's just boring.

Harry Wild is probably the only show I've seen that is almost doing what I want. I do absolutely love Jane Seymour and her character Harry. It's nice to see the setting in Ireland, the supporting cast is... not great, but fine. She is charismatic enough to lead the show, the writing and stories are fine. They just need to start getting better guest stars to prop the show up a bit more. But it's enough for now.

And since I know someone will bring it up without looking at the notes on this post, yes, I know they are rebooting Matlock with Kathy Bates and that Jamie Lee Curtis is in talks for a Murder She Wrote reboot. And I'm mad about it.

You know, it's genuinely sad to me that aging favourite character actors no longer have any fun murder-mystery tv shows to guest-star as murders on.

[whatyourusherthinks]

Columbo Season 2 Review

We're back! If you don't know how this reviewing shows thing is gonna work check out my previous Columbo Season 1 Review. Unfortunately, the second season of Columbo has slightly stepped down in quality. Now it's not bad by any regard, you understand, but it's just not as good as the first season. And y'know something, it's mostly because of the openings. Now, I don't know if this is something Amazon or Freevee did, or if the original episodes are like this, but every episode of this season has a stinger at the beginning with very brief clips of the episode. I don't like that. It's not really that big of a deal and nothing really get's spoiled, but I'd so much rather the episode just got started. Speaking of getting started...

Episode 1 'The Greenhouse Jungle'

I like that Columbo has another detective with him on this case, and I like that the murderer is a massive snob, but overall it's just an okay episode. The killer's plan and the way he gets caught is pretty decent as well. This is the episode that made me realize Columbo the show is basically the anti-procedural. (Or probably more accurate for the time, anti-DRAGNET show.) I mean the cops aren't incompetent all the time, but they do generally fall for the killer's tricks and believe what they want the police to believe. Columbo himself never carries a gun, or tortures anyone for information, or even chases down suspects physically. All the killers are rich and affluent white people while Columbo himself is just a blue collar guy who doesn't even make enough money to get a new car. Also there's some pretty good physical comedy in this episode too.

Episode 2 'Etude in Black'

In this episode, we meet Columbo's dog. Besides that, the only two things I took away from the episode was that the episode was pretty somber, which was cool, and that none of these crimes would work if CCTVs were a thing. Anyway, this one's okay.

Episode 3 'The Most Crucial Game'

I really like the denouement in this episode. In fact, any episode where it ends right when the truth is revealed I think are some of the best episodes. Like right when the killer realizes they're caught the credits start. It is a really dramatic way to end the episode. I also like that when Columbo does interrogate a suspect, it's more like what real interrogators do. He doesn't really threaten, but he reveals the situation to the person frankly and makes them realize that their best option is to help him out.

Episode 4 'Dagger of the Mind'

Remember when that think about the best episodes end right when the final clue Columbo finds is revealed? Yeah, they should have done that in this episode. Otherwise this episode is pretty fun. There are two murderers, and it takes place in London. Columbo is such a tourist in this episode as well, he's adorable.

Episode 5 'Requiem for a Falling Star'

This episode is kinda boring. The murderer is trying to frame a tabloid journalist, so it's a bunch of fake celebrity hearsay for most of the run time. I missed why the killer killed the victim, but I'm also like 65% sure they never explained it. Either way, not so good. Also, Columbo watches TV for like a minute and a half for some reason. The ending was fun but also I feel like the twist came out of nowhere.

Episode 6 'A Stitch in Crime'

Leonard Nimoy is in this episode, and he's total a stalker. This episode is pretty good, I really like the Leonard's plan and the reveal. There is a trip-out sequence that was completely unnecessary but they also repeated a shot from the second episode of the first season that I thought was funny. Plus I got to make a bunch of 'Illogical' jokes to myself.

Episode 7 'Most Dangerous Match'

This episode has two dream sequences, but honestly, I kinda liked them. This episode had the vibe of a Poe story, for a second I thought this was an adaptation of a "Tell-Tale Heart". The victim was incredibly jovial old man, I felt really bad when he died. Plus the killer is a massive ass, I wish he didn't succeed on the second attempt. I can't remember how Columbo caught the killer, which I really bad because I saw the episode mere hours from time of writing.

EDIT: Well this explains why I can't remember, I didn't finish the episode. I really like that Columbo unbalances the killer so much that he plays the worse game of chess ever.

Episode 8 'Double Shock'

This is the best episode of the season. I won't spoil what it is, but there is a great twist about the killer that even the episode doesn't tell you right away. I also like that the housekeeper in the episode absolutely hates Columbo for barely any reason, that was funny. This series isn't so shabby with the comedy.

Summation

Yeah, I don't know how popular of an opinion this is, but I really didn't like Season 2 all that much. There are certainly some highlights, but my eyes were glazing over in certain scenes of certain episodes. Let's put them on our ranking, and I'll put the episodes from this season in murderous red.

Suitable for Framing

Murder By the Book

Double Shock

A Stitch in Crime

Dagger of the Mind

The Most Crucial Game

Short Fuse

Blueprint for Murder

Prescription: Murder

Most Dangerous Match

The Greenhouse Jungle

Ransom for a Dead Man

Dead Weight

Etude in Black

Death Lends a Hand

Lady in Waiting

Requiem for a Falling Star

This is gonna get really long as the seasons pile up, huh? Oh well...

Oh, I thought you'd like an update on my case. Y'know, the one where I figure out

Is Columbo Actually Married?

Unfortunately, most of Columbo's anecdotes this season are kinda meaningless to this case. Honestly the biggest thing we learn from Columbo telling stories is that she hates the ice cream man because he always comes before lunch and dinner, and spoils Columbo's appetite. Columbo also uses "her" suitcase when he visits London in 'Dagger of the Mind'. I put her in quotations because in 'Requiem for a Falling Star' he calls his house twice so that an actress Columbo is talking to can say hello to his wife, but both times she's out and his "brother-in-law" picks up the phone. At first I thought that it was another police officer who's in on a trick to unbalance the murderer, but not only does Columbo enlist the help of a female college in 'Suitable For Framing', so why wouldn't he do that again, but in 'A Stitch in Crime' he is tired and sick because he had to stay up late taking care of his sick wife. So here's my working theory thus far: Columbo is not married, but he has a live in partner. Because he is gay. This explains the lack of a wedding ring, since gay marriage was illegal at the time, even in California. This means his anecdotes are probably true, he's just lying about the gender of who they are about. Now, I still want a bit more conclusive evidence for this, but I'm keeping it in mind moving forward to Season 3.