#some are still probably better at it than others though

[disneyprincemuke]

the grudge * fem!driver

it takes the whole village to make them realise that racing should not be coming between the friendship they spent years building

pairings: alex albon x fem!driver, george russell x fem!driver, logan sargeant x fem!driver, lewis hamilton x fem!driver, nico rosberg x fem!driver

warnings: -

notes: hi there.

(series masterlist) | (📂 the sophomore year)

(prev)

the past couple of days have been empty. eerily lonely at times when she wakes up just to drag her feet downstairs of her parent’s home to get a meal by herself and make her way back up after. prior to their predicament, she had planned so many activities to do with logan over their week off.

she turns over when she wakes up, just like every other morning and picks up her phone. hoping, wishing, desperately waiting for a specific text message to dawn her. there are several other notifications but they just don’t seem to matter.

when will logan text, when will he apologise— more importantly, when can they be best friends again?

she misses him.

she’s wondered over the past few days since they fell out mid-race, how other people get through something like this. it’s never been a problem, not for them, because they made a promise.

sure, they were young, but it was easy to think that they would never let their careers get the better of them.

she remembers speaking in hushed whispers, as if it was a crime, promising one another that they would always be best friends no matter what. they would never let what happened to others happen to them.

she hasn’t spoken to oscar much either. she tries to lie to herself and say that he’s probably busy spending time with lily and his family, but a smaller part of her assumes that he’s pulling away because of logan. oscar tries to convince her and say that isn’t the case, but she’s slowly starting to believe her lie.

she lays awake for some time wondering if logan missed her the same, or if reaching out had ever crossed his mind. she can’t be the only one feeling this way, right?

her finger hovers over his caller id, going back and forth the decision of dropping him a call. but she is still insistent that she is not wrong. he clearly clipped her car, so why should she? everyone could see that but him.

it hurts, but it hurts more than when she would get into days-long arguments with oscar.

she hasn’t had her own share of a heartbreak, but somehow hurts in the way that some of her friends would describe it to her. it’s more than the pain you feel when you’re falling out with a best friend.

instead, she locks her phone and gets out of bed to start whatever is left of her day.

is this really how it’s going to be? losing his best friend over one crash out of the many others they’ve had since they met?

he stares at the ceiling with stubby resting his paws on his stomach, pondering if he truly is doing the right thing by holding out.

but every time he thinks of finally apologising, he remembers every other time that he had to put aside his pride just to keep her around. not that it truly ever mattered — their friendship always comes above all else — he just finds it incredibly unfair.

how about this once, she is the one who puts her pride aside to keep their friendship? does it really have to always be him?

then he starts to wonder if he is the only one who thinks of their friendship this way. maybe he’s the only one holding onto something that’s dwindled over the years; she has new friends anyway.

logan misses her. the apartment simply isn’t the same without him waking up to his door opened slightly after she borrowed one of his hoodies to wear for a walk, or the shrill baby voice she likes to use when talking to their pets, or the whining and pouting she gives him when she doesn’t want to go out by herself but refuses to ask him if he wants to come with her.

sometimes he misses her more than a best friend should. though, that’s not really the point.

it makes sense now to him how friends fall apart when they’re in the same sport. but even with just one example, there’s also another pair of best friends who seem closer than they were before.

now he is conflicted. none of it makes sense at all.

but only time can tell if he is doing the right thing. or, if she would even realise that their friendship should be greater than whatever the hell the situation is right now.

“you’re telling me that you and rocky have not spoken for an entire week?”

logan shrugs, “yeah, i guess.”

alex’s gaze follows logan as he walks across the room to take a seat, an eyebrow raising in confusion at his nonchalance. “and you don’t plan to?”

“not unless she reaches out first.”

logan lifts his gaze from his hands and meets alex’s eyes. alex doesn’t even know how to go about the situation anymore – it seems like he’s said everything he could say to logan to try and amend their friendship. yet, there’s still nothing he says that could convince him otherwise.

it would be a shame to see a friendship fall apart over a crash during a race.

not everyone can have what they have and maintain it for as long as they have. of course, he knows, he’s best friends with george.

a week into their 2-week break and she is holding out longer than he’s expected. he’s very apologetic for the fact that her car had spun and hit the wall, but it’s just unfair that he was expected to be the one apologising for the crash itself.

the crash was caused by 2 people, not just him. he’s sure there’s something there that she could have done better to avoid the accident.

“i’m heading out to grab lunch with george after this,” alex grins, “would you like to come with us?”

“sure.”

she swings her hand up to stop the man from opening his mouth to speak to her, the door in her other hand. “don’t tell me you’re here for what i think you’re here for.”

“i’m not?” george grins with hesitation, dropping the pint of ice cream he’d gotten to soften her up for the conversation he wants to have. “come on, you need to speak to logan.”

she sighs and rests her hands on her hips. “i know sebastian sent you.”

he presses his lips together. “no, he didn’t.”

“it’s because i’m ignoring his text messages,” she scowls. yet she still takes a step back and opens the door wider and gestures for him to come inside. “i’m not stupid.”

george walks in, handing her the pint of chocolate ice cream he’d picked up. “it’s not your favourite brand, but it’s still chocolate ice cream,” he mutters. he turns as she closes the front door and huffs. “you need to speak to logan before all of this gets out of hand too fast and you regret it.”

“does he regret sending me into the wall?” she raises an eyebrow. when george continues to stare at her, blinking blankly, she nods and turns on her heel to walk into the kitchen. “you know this wasn’t my fault — you saw the footage, george! that’s so unfair!”

he sighs. he’s never been in this situation with alex, but he can only imagine how his world would around if they were. sure, it’s hard to get past something like this, especially at the stage of their career, but he just isn’t sure how to help either.

yes, logan had been the one to close in on her on the track, but why couldn’t they just recognise they were both wrong one way or another?

“okay, fine. whatever,” george says exasperatedly. “actually, i’m here to ask if you wanted to get lunch with alex and i later.”

she raises an eyebrow with a small smile. “sure!”

“sorry,” george laughs airily, putting his phone face down on the table. he moves into the booth alongside the younger girl. “alex is running a little late.”

“that’s alright,” she mutters, reaching out for the menu. she opens the menu before it dawns on her.

she lowers her menu and turns stiffly to george who is reaching for his menu and takes his seat. “what?”

“why are you sitting next to me?” she raises an eyebrow and throws her head back slightly.

george puts a hand to his chest. “do you hate me?”

she shakes her head. “no! it’s not like that,” she scowls, “you always sit next to alex when we get lunch.”

he tilts his head and narrows his eyes as he pretends to think. “do i?” he scrunches his nose. “i don’t always sit next to him.”

but he knows that she poses an incredible point. he, however, hadn’t expected her to be so observant, as opposed to her typical carefree and non-analytical nature. perhaps this entire fallout has changed her slightly, especially without logan always next to her.

she hums without another word, confusion still written on her face, before she looks at her menu again.

she’s been to this restaurant numerous times since moving to london. it’s actually her favourite. a classic between her and logan, always making it out of their way to get food here when they’re back in town.

she doesn’t actually need the menu — she orders the same damn thing every time, swearing to herself that she will try something new her next visit. which she is something she abides by most times, always ordering a new side dish or by forcing logan to get something she wants but is too scared to try.

“i thought you would have memorised that menu front and back considering how much you come here,” george jokes, his eyes darting from his menu to the entrance of the restaurant.

he shakes his leg in anticipation, aimlessly flipping through the pages yet he still has not retained one dish in his head. it’s never going to work.

in the back of his head, he hears alex’s voice telling him again and again that it would.

“funny. that’s the same thing logan says whenever we eat here.”

truthfully, george hadn’t even brought logan up in the time they’ve been together. he’s pleasantly surprised that she was the first to address him again after their initial conversation at her parents’ front door.

“does he?” george grins slightly.

“yeah,” she lifts her head, lips pursed together as she stares into the distance, “i always make him order something new that i could try because i’m too scared it won’t be to my liking.”

he’s surprised. he didn’t think logan could come up in such a peaceful topic at this time of day. he thought that she would keep it hostile even when speaking of him.

“that’s very thoughtful."

she grins. “yes, i guess he is a very thoughtful guy.”

george sits up and adjusts the sleeves of his sweatshirt. he clears his throat. “speaking of logan-”

“no.”

“what?” he cried incredulously with a hand in the air. “you brought him up first!”

“no.”

“fine.”

oh, they’re not going to eat at her favourite restaurant, are they? logan furrows his eyebrows as he’s led forward by alex and he increasingly gets more nervous as they get closer.

spending this much time away from her has made her miss her so much. he’s almost afraid that it might really be the end of their friendship at all.

he’s never eaten here without her. he acts annoyed all the time when she forces him to try a new dish every visit while she has the luxury of sticking to her comfort food, but truthfully, he finds himself searching for her voice in the silence.

can he really have a meal without her at her favourite restaurant? surely not. yet he follows alex inside without another word. he nervously looks around, finding remnants of all the meals he’s had with her here.

he sees george in the far corner of the restaurant, lifting his arm to wave at logan with a small grin. alex abruptly stops walking that makes logan halt before he can run into his back.

the expression on alex’s face is something logan has only seen a couple of times on the older guy. the thai sucks in a deep breath and holds his hands up in the air, “don’t be mad.”

logan raises an eyebrow. “why would i be mad?” he tilts his head as he tries to come up with a reason that assumption would come up. “it’s just a restaurant, i can eat here without rocky.”

“yeah,” alex nods with his lips pressed together. “that’s the thing.”

just then, a shrill and disgusted ‘what’ throws the relaxing aura of the restaurant off.

he knows that voice anywhere. he swears he is haunted by that scream in his sleep when he’s done something he shouldn’t have and is trying to keep a secret.

a head pops out of the plants in the divider. she turns her head and finds logan, standing in the middle of the restaurant just as shell-shocked.

so to hell with their argument, right? he should just apologise and get it done and over with then he can get his best friend back. and all will be right in the world.

logan swears that her gaze softened when she saw him standing there. he has to reason out with himself not to run over and pull her into the tightest hug he’s ever trapped her in. a lot has happened in the past week, and every time he thinks of reaching out, he hesitates.

in hindsight, why does he hesitate? this is literally his best friend in the whole world.

and she swears she will jump over this damned divider to get to logan. should she punch him or jump into his arms for a hug? this might be the longest she hasn’t seen the boy and the feeling of familiarity washes over her in relief.

“logan,” she says his name in a soft and airy sigh. the corners of her lips curl into a small smile as her shoulders drop from their tense position. “hi.”

“hi.”

his heart starts beating faster when she pushes past george to get out of the booth. alex jogs to where george stands, cozying up next to his best friend as they watch the scene unfold. they’ve never tried to parent-trap anyone into reconciliation before. this is a first and if they succeed, they would never shut up about it.

she walks over to him, smile still intact with her back straight. she stops right in front of him and her hands clasped in front of her.

her smile grows and she takes another breath. she can’t seem to find the right words to say to him now that he’s finally in front of her. “hi.”

logan grins, “it’s nice to finally see you again. i missed you.”

“i missed you too.” she presses her lips together and glances down at her feet momentarily. she raises her gaze again.

when george had finally told her logan was joining them for lunch, a million things ran through her mind. half of her thoughts wanted to start fighting all over again but the latter just wanted to sit down in silence and make up for all of the time they’d lost.

“did we really get ambushed by alex and george?” she snorts softly, looking over her shoulder where they stand with one another, staring intensely at them.

logan grins with a small nod. “i’m surprised they pulled it off, really.”

silence looms over them once again — the implications of the crash threatens another fight. logan’s heart starts beating faster as he remembers again why exactly he’s very persistent on getting an apology. just an apology, that’s all he’s asking for.

there is simply so much more to it than just the younger girl putting her pride aside over the crash. sure, whatever, he can come out and admit that it was ultimately because of a mistake from him on the track. what he can’t accept is the girl's unwillingness to initiate reconciliation.

does she truly care so little for him to be a part of his life?

“let’s go and get lunch,” she says, beckoning him forward to where alex and george are. she takes a couple of steps away. “i was really sad at the thought of eating here without you.”

“is that all you have to say?” logan raises an eyebrow. he stays planted where he stands. she whirls around in confusion. “we haven’t talked the longest in our lives and you’re just going to invite me to the table and act like we didn’t just have a fight?”

she presses his lips together and clenches her jaw. “if anything, you’re the one ignoring it — you caused the crash, remember?”

logan scoffs. how shallow. “oh, get over the crash already! you seriously don’t even see why this entire thing is an issue? are you seriously so stupid?”

“we were so close,” george mutters in a soft sigh. “why are they stupid?”

“i wish i knew.” alex purses his lips together before he steps away from the table. he clasps his hands together and steps in between the two, just as she took a step forward to answer logan. he holds his arms out to her to keep her distance from logan. “okay, i see it’s still too soon.”

“it wouldn’t be too soon if she could just realise how insensitive she’s being!” logan scoffs softly, pointing an accusatory finger at the girl. he’s fully aware of the eyes watching them in the restaurant. “i know racing is everything to you, but i swear if you keep acting like this, you’re going to lose every single person you love.”

she scoffs, taking a step back. her eyes start to glisten, making logan start to feel bad. “of course, it’s everything to me, i dedicated my entire life to get where i am.”

“yeah, so much so that you’re willing to burn bridges to stay where you are.” logan turns on his heel. “i will have lunch at home instead, alex. thanks for inviting me out.”

“if you missed her and she missed you, what’s the problem?” oscar turns the seat around to face logan. “good on alex and george for trying to get you guys back together while i was gone. i really thought all this would blow over by now.”

logan shrugs. he turns his phone over and over on his stomach, swaying back and forth. “you don’t understand. she’s changed.”

“you keep saying that, mate,” oscar sighs tiredly. he throws himself back into his seat. “i still don’t know what you mean.”

logan feels a little silly. saying it out loud suddenly feels so superficial and overtly sensitive. “it’s stupid.”

“well, if you’re letting this fight drag out this long, there has to be a reason behind it.” oscar smiles slightly and nods at him, truly curious as to why all of this has blown so out of proportion. “what is it?”

“when we crashed, we both got out of the car,” logan starts slowly, nitpicking his choice of words for the fear of sounding a little too unreasonable, “she never asked me if i was okay. it was a pretty nasty crash for both of us.”

that’s it, really. that’s his only problem with it — she had never asked, not once, if he was okay. she’d just started getting angry, which was understandable, but it never really hit him why he was feeling so sad until he started getting examined for his injuries a while later. he’s personally curious if she was feeling better, but she still hadn’t asked him yet.

which kind of sucks because he’s starting to feel like he cares more for her than she does for him.

“oh, i see.” oscar sits up. “okay, i totally get it. i’ll speak with her.”

logan shakes his head, “you don’t have to. if she doesn’t realise it on her own, what does it really say about her, you know?”

“i know, but i’ll try talking to her first.”

so oscar doesn’t exactly talk to her himself. truth is he can’t bring himself to be the one to speak with her about logan; he just knows he can’t pick a side. whatever she says, he’ll be trying to defend both sides and they’ll never get anywhere with it.

so, he asked if sebastian would speak with her. even then, sebastian hadn’t dared to speak with her about this. he would be able to have conversations with her about anything except this.

he just knows what she would throw back in his face so he already knew immediately that he shouldn’t be the one to.

so he went to the next best pairing who could potentially fix it.

the young girl gapes up at the duo towering over her as she sinks into the couch. she’s suddenly felt so small, a contrast to her initial bratty attitude from being interrupted from her lunch.

“what are you guys doing here?” she blinks. “why are you even together here?”

“what do you mean?” nico tilts his head. “don’t you like me? i thought you liked me? you said you like my presence.”

she furrows her eyebrows. none of this makes sense unless there’s something she’s failed to connect. “i do, but like… why are you here in front of me?”

“we just wanna talk,” lewis grins, folding his arms over his chest. “we need to talk to you.”

her confusion slowly contorts into something of suspicion. a scowl carves her lips as her eyes narrow into a glare. “seb sent you, didn’t he? this is about logan?”

“i told you she’s smarter than to fall for the excuse that we’re here just to spend time with her,” nico points out, turning to lewis. “she’s a degree holder, of course, she will see right through us.”

“and i said it doesn’t matter if she does. we just need to get the message across,” lewis rambles at nico before he turns to the girl. “i’ll keep it simple.”

she looks up, uninterested, sinking back into the couch with her arms folded over her chest. “okay. try and change my mind.”

“is logan your best friend or not?”

she presses her lips together. “yes, he is. or at least he used to be.”

“do you love him or not?”

she doesn’t answer. what does he mean by that? is there an agenda to this that she hadn’t anticipated for? is she really that obvious?

“what does that mean?” nico whispers. “you hate him or what?”

lewis rolls his eyes. “as a best friend. i don’t care if you’re in love with him, rocky. that’s not what we’re here for.”

she looks away momentarily. “yes, i love him as a best friend. what the hell does that have to do with anything? i’m sure he loves me too yet he doesn’t want to apologise.”

“is this racing thing seriously so much more important than keeping your best friend in your life, though?” nico smiles. hopefully, that gets through to her.

she scowls, “i don’t know — you tell me.”

“rocky.”

“it’s a genuine question, lewis.”

“this isn’t about us.”

“it can be if you want.”

“stop diverting!” nico yelps. “listen, okay, if you don’t fix this, you’ll need to live with yourself losing your best friend over one crash! not just for the time being, rocky, forever! for the rest of your life! can you really live with that?”

“maybe.”

“take me seriously!” nico stomps a foot on the ground. “he’s not going to leave the grid. can you really live coming into the paddocks on weekends all by yourself? no logan to carry your bags, no logan to giggle with when you want to, no logan to have meals with, no logan to come home to in your shared apartment with your pets. really?”

she sucks in a deep and shaky breath. she can’t. she really can’t see living the rest of her life out without logan around to annoy and cry to.

the past couple of days holding out from speaking to logan has been so difficult but can’t really get herself to admit to it. she can’t see herself winning any more races in the season and not leaving to celebrate with him, or flying back after race weekends to relax in their apartment with a bottle of wine.

lewis huffs. “you maybe need to be the one to swallow your pride if you don’t want to lose this friendship.”

“and i heard from the grapevine that you still haven’t ask logan if he’s okay.” nico looks away and innocently tries looking around the room to avoid her gaze. “his crash was pretty bad, you know. he had a concussion too.”

“did he?” she asks, her tone a little more gentle and her voice softer. “is he okay now?”

lewis shrugs. “go and ask him yourself.”

she stands up and brushes her pants. “you’re right. get out of my way, i’m going to apologise to my best friend.”

she pushes past both of the older men and grabs her car keys from the table by the door. she halts right before she makes it out of the room and turns. “thank you. i really appreciate this. i can’t imagine what it took you guys to get together just to put some sense into my head.”

she steps out. “maybe when logan and i make up, i could take some sense into you!”

logan expected it to come in the form of a short phone call, maybe a long text message. not for her to show back up at their apartment with takeout in her hands and a small grin.

“what?”

“can i come in?” she grins hopefully, peeking into the apartment. “i brought us takeout from our favourite place.”

logan steps aside and opens the door wider. “why are you asking me for permission? this is your apartment.”

“i know,” she sighs as she steps in to take off her shoes.

logan closes the door behind her and he puts his hands into his pockets. it’s still very nice to see her and he’s genuinely missed her more than ever.

distance makes the heart grow fonder or something like that.

he waits for her to start up a conversation. when they stand in silence, him staring at her back as she slowly takes off her jacket, he attempts to walk past her. he was watching a movie with stubby after all.

“how are you feeling?” she suddenly asks, stopping logan right behind her in the very cramp entryway into their apartment. she stands up straighter and turns around, attempting to make a step back when she realises their proximity. “i heard you got a concussion too.”

he can’t help but smile slightly. so that’s what she’s here for.

finally.

“i’m feeling alright. just whiplash and muscle pain, nothing new,” he admits softly. “what about you?”

she grins. “i’m feeling okay,” she mutters. “i’m sorry i didn’t ask if you were okay. you must have felt like i didn’t care about you at all.”

“you didn’t get your podium because of me. i’m sorry too,” logan puts a hand on her shoulder and shakes her slightly, “it was in the heat of the moment. sucks that it took you this long to realise though.”

“are we best friends again? i got us food.” she raises the bag of takeout with a giggle and a feeling of warmth in her chest. “we didn’t get to eat the other day, after all.”

“of course, you’re my best friend, you idiot.” logan throws an arm over her shoulders as they walk into the apartment. he ruffles her hair from the top of her head and smacks it gently. “let’s not fight about something like that ever again.”

“well, don’t crash into me again when i’m fighting for a podium.”

“seriously?”

“okay, i’m sorry. i’ll make that joke again in 3 weeks maybe.”

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[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

i'll be honest i haven't done as much Illario Pondering up to this point as some others. but i am Rotating Him now so gonna do my thinking out loud on my already too long post just because...

obviously Illario and Lucanis responded to their childhoods in very different ways/grew up into very different people but i think if you want to trace Illario's Issues back down to this level you can see how that would turn him into who we see in the game/stories too.

while Lucanis ends up as a loner with "no one else" (that he Counts anyway), Illario seems to have way more connections when we meet him as an adult--he flirts with anyone, he's into nightlife, he hooks up with random people at parties, the other Crows will mention him like he's a known presence in their lives--yet none of them know what he's Really up to. So his relationships outside Lucanis & Caterina do seem to exist in plenty, but they also seem to be very shallow. Unless he has some offscreen never mentioned confidant, no one seems to know what he's up to, with either Lucanis's or Caterina's "deaths", or his alliance with the Venatori/Gods. he's kept that part secret while keeping up all these other social connections. in theory maybe he got some of the other off-screen talons on his side who knew the whole story but we don't have any evidence for that either way I think (though I don't remember all the codex details so I could be wrong).

[sidebar: yes, Zara, i know. apparently they were deep enough in whatever they had going on to have love-y pet names but like... clearly not enough that Illario wasn't willing to kill her to cover his own tracks; and personally i have my doubts that the relationship was without any ulterior motives on Zara's part either. even if they did care for each other on some level they were or weren't willing to admit (since that's entirely within our realm of interpretation now) it clearly took lesser priority than their other goals)]

SO. Illario's a conniving man (intentionally!) who isn't sharing everything he knows with his "allies" probably on either side, but at the same time... he is still a very emotional man. i don't think the whole "use people and drop them" thing is his actual desire as much as how he's gotten used to operating in the world. while Lucanis seems to have self-isolated as a way to protect both himself & those around him, I think you can interpret Illario as instead learning that he can achieve the same result by instead having a large amount of very shallow relationships. By spreading around his desire for connection he creates a situation where Caterina can't possibly remove them all from his life, but has the plausible deniability of not being actively close to anyone so he doesn't risk punishment falling on himself either.

and i don't necessarily think his approach was a WORSE one compared to Lucanis', at first. in many ways something's better than nothing and Illario seems to have a better understanding of himself & his emotions (not saying he always does or it's a GOOD understanding, but "better than Lucanis" is not a very high bar), plus way more experience in general at just. social anything. because now that they're adults, ILLARIO is the one who has managed to stand up to Caterina, and change the direction of his own life, even if he did pick the most ruthless path to it. Unlike Lucanis (in The Wigmaker Job & first parts of Veilguard) he DOES show great deal of autonomy, understanding that his tiny family is the thing holding him back from what he really wants. But he also has no one else jumping over to help him, no one left he can manipulate, and so he reaches past the crows to the Venatori/Gods as the next step.

so the true downside to this is in fact based in reputation more than anything else. because he's spent years seemingly playing with the emotions of everyone else while never really giving them a way in, as a coping mechanism... he's already burned those potential bridges in a way Lucanis hasn't. people aren't willing to extend extra graces to him the same way. possibly it even contributed to why Caterina liked him less as a successor, since he was less controllable by her personal rules/whims. i dont really have a thesis statement here like before since i haven't been mulling it over as long but i think it's a fun way to interpret their dynamic.

man... in Veilguard it really is so so clear how much Lucanis yearns for connection, how much he laments having barely anyone who is a tangible long-term presence in his life. Illario and Caterina are IT until he meets Rook, he tells them.

but he grew up in the Dellamorte estate. A huge, huge manor that would not just have servants, but STAFF. payrolls full of people who clean and cook and keep the place running. And we know he had some amount of free reign around the place. He explored in the tunnels and basements and found the secret entrance/exit while playing alone. He learned how to make churros and cook other food from the kitchen staff. Someone taught him to knit. So... where are those people? Where's the kindly cook who became a second mother, or the maids who watched him play? He would know their names and remember them, if they were around long enough. And it's NOT just some rich boy privilege that makes him forget they're there, because we know he sees the working class as people who with real lives. In The Wigmaker Job, he knows elves in the alienage, who think well enough of him to let him use their secret routes around the city. He risks the whole mission and breaks rules to let one single serving maid go--they're not invisible or somehow lesser to him. He was raised as a Crow, he's been trained since he was a boy to be observant--he'd listen for the names and details about the lives of servants who were around him all the time as a child. And he is also kind and gentle, so he would reach back if they offered him any kind of affection

Which means their absence in his life is intentional. Caterina must have had the staff rotated often enough that he couldn't learn who they were, and discouraged anyone from talking to or connecting with the Dellamorte boys--she probably thought she was keeping them safe. Keeping them from having people who might matter and therefore could be used against all of them--not to mention it's way easier to slip a poisoned treat to a trusting child, or convince them to follow you out of the estate to an undisclosed location. Her paranoia after losing all her children and other grandkids warped into isolating the Dellamorte boys utterly from any kind of connection and affection outside of herself, and then she withheld it anyway, because she was afraid of getting hurt again too (<- not an excuse, still abuse). And she is NOT a kind woman, who would look over a transgression--servants disobeying her orders about staying away from her grandsons would mean losing their job at best and probably physical punishment along with it. Or maybe you just never saw that coworker who dared say something kind to a crying child again.

It's so sad. And makes it so much more meaningful that there WERE occasional times he got away with it anyway. I wonder how much those cooks risked when teaching him how a kitchen runs, and to make his favorite dessert. If they had some excuse for it, or were all sent away once Caterina found out. Of course he'd stop trying to make friends with any children of the staff his age, if any time he did, the whole family got moved to work at a summer villa in the country instead. If the people who cleaned his rooms were different every month. He'd notice that anyone who he tried to get close to just ended up out of his life entirely, and so eventually Caterina wouldn't need to keep isolating him intentionally as he grew. Lucanis learned. He started doing it himself.

[suckunaa]

hate to be lame - hockey!satoru gojo x artist/influencer!reader

summary - you and satoru gojo have been best friends for years. you've also both spent years pining after each other on and off. when you like him he's wrapped up in a new relationship. when he admits to himself he has feelings for you, suddenly you're completely infatuated with the guy you just met at brunch. the timing never seems to be right and you're starting to think that just maybe, that's a sign that the two of you are better off as just friends.

chapter 3 - it's always on the tip of my tongue (masterlist) prev

word count: 6.3k

contains: f reader, crude language, a lil bit of fluff and a lil bit of angst 18+ only MDNI

it had been a couple of weeks since you had ditched gojo at brunch. you hadn't seen him since, though not for lack of trying on his part. you weren't even actually going out of your way to avoid him; his team had had three consecutive road games and you had a quickly approaching deadline for some art pieces a gallery had commissioned from you for one of their upcoming shows. you tended to turn into a hermit the closer you got to finishing pieces, wanting to devote every ounce of yourself to your craft.

satoru understood that, of course he did, but despite you insisting you were fine, he could tell you were still upset with him. your texts were infrequent and often emotionless, a far cry from your usual demeanor. he'd tried to see you immediately after he had realized you had left him behind at brunch, but mei mei had beat him to your apartment and wouldn't let him in. when he’d asked why she’d replied with “if you have to ask then you definitely don’t get to see her.”

the thing was, satoru was not actually an idiot. he might speak without thinking, say careless or stupid things to get a laugh, had a laid back demeanor the majority of the time - but he wasn’t an idiot. you leaving brunch in a huff was both a dream come true and a nightmare all at once. dream come true because the only logical conclusion he could come to was that you were mad about his run in with rumi because you reciprocated the feelings he secretly had for you. nightmare, because he knew how bad it had looked, the way rumi had held onto his arm, the kiss she had initiated.

he wasn’t actually sure what you had seen, for all he knew just seeing him and rumi breathing the same air might set you off - a thought he had only because seeing you that close to the guy you went on a date with last month would probably cause him to crash out. the only reason he didn’t feel that way when he saw you around choso was because he knew with absolute certainty that neither you nor his teammate were interested in the other.

but he didn’t want to have this conversation over text. he wanted it face to face, where neither of you could hide behind emojis and memes and more importantly, where he couldn’t chicken out. for as certain as he felt what you ditching him at brunch meant, there was still a part of him that was unsure. maybe the reason you’d gotten mad and left had nothing to do with rumi. maybe he’d said something that hadn’t initially bothered you but the more you thought about it, the more it pissed you off. or maybe the reason you’d gone home alone despite just having invited him over had nothing to do with him and maybe your distance from him the past two weeks also had nothing to do with him.

maybe.

but, satoru gojo wasn’t actually an idiot.

◎・v・●・v･○・v・◎・v・●・v･○・v・◎・v・●・v･○・v・◎

it wasn’t like this was the first time you’d gone more than two weeks without seeing satoru. hell, it wasn’t even entirely unusual. it was true that you both made an effort to hang out when your schedules allowed, but you were both entrenched in demanding careers that there had been times it simply hadn’t been possible to see each other.

but you had always been available to him emotionally even when physically you were kept apart. he’d complain about something and you’d sympathize and coddle him or you’d tell him he was being a baby and to suck it up. however, when he’d complained to you yesterday about feeling like his coach was riding his ass for no reason, all you’d said was “that sucks.” no words of advice, no witty quip, no offer to bring him his favorite ice cream - nothing.

you were starting to feel a little bad. kind of. after your disastrous brunch, mei mei had come over and you had been completely open and honest with her. your feelings for satoru (to which she had replied “yeah i know”), how you thought you two were on the same page, how you had invited him over because you wanted to a throw yourself at him, how you’d seen him with rumi.

you’d been embarrassed when you started crying; embarrassed because you knew mei mei was your one friend who had always clocked the fact that you had feelings for satoru and had never even pretended to believe you when you insisted otherwise. embarrassed because despite what you had seen with him and rumi, you couldn’t get it out of your head that he had been extra flirty and physically affectionate with you and all that made you wonder now is if you’d missed your chance by being too chicken shit to say anything to him before he had ever met her. embarrassed because despite that, your imagination had already run wild and convinced part of you that he was all but in love with rumi now.

embarrassed because you were crying over satoru fucking gojo.

he was your best friend. you knew his reputation for having a string of flings was based in reality, that the rumors of him being a fuckboy weren’t just rumors. you knew he’d never once said “i love you” to any of his past girlfriends, not even the one he’d dated for two years (his longest relationship). he had never once in all the years you had known him expressed interest in a serious relationship.

you two would be huddled up on your couch, watching a romcom and while you were waxing on poetically about how romantic the story was and how you wanted something like that, he’d be rolling his eyes and complaining that the whole movie was unrealistic and would never work out in real life.

you should have known better than to fall for your best friend.

but mei mei had let you cry that night, had coddled you and brushed your hair while you tried to watch a tv show to distract yourself. she had made sure you showered and ordered dinner while you did so, made sure your skincare routine was done after getting you in your coziest pair of pj’s, braided your hair for you while you watched a documentary on renaissance painters. she made sure you drank enough water (“have to replenish all those tears you just spilled” she’d joked but you knew she was looking out for you), got you into bed and turned on your favorite show to fall asleep to.

she had eventually gotten into bed next to you, stealing an old oversized shirt of yours to sleep in, and it had been comforting when you’d woken up from a nightmare about everyone you loved leaving you to turn around and see the familiar shape of mei mei’s back, her light snoring the only indication she was asleep (she was an incredibly still sleeper and that had always freaked you out just a bit).

and the next morning, you had woken up to find out that she had woken up before you, the smell of breakfast drawing you out of your room. she had let you eat and enjoy your coffee in relative silence, and when you had finished she had put her own mug of coffee down on the table and looked you straight in the eyes with a gaze that was hard to turn away from.

“you have to tell satoru how you feel.” you flinched at the bluntness of her words, shifted uncomfortably in your seat. when you didn’t say anything, she pressed on. “it’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to you. everything that happened yesterday was based on assumption.” she paused, head tilting to the side. “i mean, to me it’s clear as day that the two of you have feelings for each other. but neither of you have ever actually said it out loud to each other. you just finally admitted it to me last night even though i clocked that at least two years ago.”

she paused again, this time to take a sip of her coffee. “you don’t know what happened with rumi. you turned away before you actually saw them kiss - which i’m not blaming you for. he told you he barely knows her, if you really think he was reciprocating your actions and feelings yesterday, would he really be stupid enough to throw that all away for some chick he barely knows? and yes, i know we’re talking about gojo. that’s why i know how much he cares about you and values your relationship.”

more silence, you both sipping on coffee while you mull her words over. eventually you reply, looking away from her because you swore she was staring straight into your soul and you didn’t want to deal with the harsh reality of being seen. “you’ve never said any of this to me before, you know. you’ve just always tried to get me to admit to my feelings, but you’ve never really told me what you… observe on his end.”

because mei mei was an observer. that’s why your feelings for your best friend had been so obvious to her. she paid attention to details that most people barely noticed, was intelligent as all hell and could put together fragments of puzzle pieces others didn’t even know existed. she wasn’t afraid to question people, dig around to find the information she was looking for. and yet, she had never once told you that she thought satoru felt the same way, had never pushed you to admit your feelings and that it would be fine because it was obvious he felt the same way.

“look, i may love to scheme a little and stick my nose in everyone’s business, but i’m not cupid interfering in everyone’s love life.” you arched an eyebrow at her, her hands immediately flying up to say wait. “it doesn’t count if someone is cheating and i tell their partner to look into it, okay? but i thought if you ever finally told him how you feel, it should be because you were confident enough to do so, not because i forced you.”

another beat of silence. “and now?”

“i can’t watch one of the people i care the most about continually get hurt. that’s why you need to tell him. it’s either going to work out or it’s not, but do you really think you’ll get over him and not spend your life wondering what if if you never say anything and just try to push past your feelings?” you wished she didn’t make so much sense. part of you resented her for being so straightforward when all you wanted to do was keep playing pretend.

a long, drawn out sigh leaves your lips, followed by a groan before you put your head down on the table top and closed your eyes. you would have probably sat like that forever if you didn’t know that mei mei, stubborn and headstrong, would sit there for just as long until you decided to say something.

you didn’t though, not for a couple more minutes. and then finally, you picked your head up, shoulders sagging as you nodded. “fine. i’ll tell him. but… i just need to find the right time.” you thought your friends eyes were going to bug right out of her head, but you held up a hand before she could open her mouth. “i will do it, i promise. i just need to clear my head first, and i think we’re both pretty busy the next week or so.”

this seems to satiate mei mei, her face conceding as her features relaxed. she had then stood up and made her way behind you, wrapping her arms around your shoulders to hug you from behind. your hands lifted up to rest on her arms, giving her a gentle squeeze. “thank you, for… all of this. and taking care of me.”

mei mei pressed a kiss to the side of your head, smoothing your hair as she let go of you and stood up. she’d stayed for another half hour before leaving you alone. all you had wanted to do was have another day of wallowing in your feelings but you had pieces to work on, and working on them was the next best therapeutic thing for you.

and that was where you had spent most of the past two weeks, holed away in the little studio space you rented to work on your art in. you were currently sitting on a stool in front of an easel, eyes carefully studying the painting in front of you. it was almost finished - anyone else looking at it would have thought it already was.

but there was something you couldn’t place your finger on, something that left you feeling like it was unfinished. you couldn’t figure out what though, a frustrated sigh filling the room before you tore your gaze away, looking around the space that surrounded you. it was bright, full of large windows to give you natural light, messy in a way that made sense to you, plants because you liked taking care of them and they made the space feel all that more homey.

and then your eyes landed on a canvas propped up against one of the side walls. it was full of blues and purples, some sort of depiction of night time at the beach. that was what satoru had told you, at least. the last time he had visited you at your studio you had allowed him to have one singular canvas that he could do whatever he pleased with. this had caused him an endless amount of joy, and besides the fact it kept him out of your hair, it had made you happy to watch the childlike wonder radiate off him.

fuck.

it hit you then, that maybe the reason you couldn't figure out what was missing from the painting in front of you was the fact that you had left your relationship with satoru unfinished. he was still your best friend, you still wanted him to be in your life always, you still had deep rooted feelings for him, and you still hadn't told him yet. you did intend to keep your promise to mei mei, but every time you psyched yourself up to do it you found a way to talk yourself out of it.

you couldn't put it off any longer though, the strain on your friendship was eating away at you and maybe even more importantly, you fucking missed him. and so, you picked up your phone and texted first mei mei and then satoru. you weren't going to hide anymore.

"fuck, I know it's supposed to be cold but is it really supposed to be this cold?" mei mei pulled her black team coat over herself tightly as the two of you walked to your seats. she was also friends with a good amount of the team and had probably been to just as many games as you had - and she was right. the air in the arena felt a little more chill than normal, and you had started to think you were being oversensitive with the thought of talking to satoru afterwards. it was a relief, actually, when your friend voiced her complaint and you mentally scolded yourself; you had to get a grip.

"I'm gonna go and get us some coffee, I'm gonna be grumpy if I don't get some caffeine and warmth in me..." you nodded in response as mei mei walked off, leaving you to get settled into your seat alone (row one, because of course satoru made sure you had some of the best seats). you were earlier than you had meant to be, intending to show up a few minutes before the puck drop and instead, the players were just now taking to the ice for warm up.

and there he was, satoru gojo gliding gracefully on the ice. ever since you'd known him, you'd always loved to watch him play hockey. even in middle school, he'd been incredibly skilled already. laser fast and fearless, watching him had left you in awe. he had been your introduction to hockey, and when he found out you'd never even been ice skating before he had insisted on taking you to the ice rink to teach you.

you were pulled out of your thoughts when you noticed him raising a hand and waving at someone - no, waving at you. you gave him a wave back, a small smile curling at your lips instinctively. it didn't take long before fans were trying to get his attention and his focus was drawn away from you. what mattered to you in that moment was the fact that you had gotten his focus first.

you watched as the team participated in warm up drills, biting back a laugh as sukuna turned to yell at whoever accidentally hit him with a puck only to find it was yuji, the older brother's expression softening as he rolled his eyes and turned his focus back to what he was doing. you had always thought it was kind of sweet, the way sukuna, who was tough as nails always, softened up just a bit when it came to his younger brothers.

you were better friends with choso out of the three. choso who always seemed to look out for you in his own way, was always there to lend an ear when you needed one. unlike your relationship with gojo, the one you had with choso was rooted in purely platonic feelings. you suspected he knew of your feelings for satoru but unlike mei mei, he had never brought it up directly. instead giving advice that gently pushed you in the right direction without adding any pressure.

cho gave you a quick wave as he skated by, mei mei finally returning with two coffees, holding one out to you. you grabbed it greedily, taking a cautious sip and feeling your body relax as soon as you felt the warm liquid wash down. "know what I've always noticed when I come to games? especially when you're here." you turned your head to look at your friend as she sat down, her eyes trained on the scene in front of you: hockey fans standing around the glass to watch warm ups, some with signs asking for pucks, hopeful they might catch the attention of their favorite player.

she glanced at you and caught your raised eyebrow, smirking as her attention went back to the ice. "gojo almost always only goes to say hi to the kids trying to get his attention. all those wannabe hockey WAGs?" her chin gestured to a couple of pretty girls, dolled up and positioning themselves to get noticed. "he never gives them the time of day."

you shrug, trying to pretend you don't know what she's getting at. "unfair to characterize them as wannabe WAGs, pretty girls are hockey fans too." mei mei shoved your arm gently, eliciting a laugh from you as you grinned over at her. "alright you know what I was getting at you stubborn brat." you leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, finishing off the rest of your coffee before settling back into your seat. "I know I know, thank you mei mei. let's just focus on the game for now or else i'm gonna lose my nerve."

besides the fact that you knew she would hold you accountable later about being honest with satoru about your feelings, mei mei was one of your favorite people to come to games with. she knew the game inside and out, was the first to yell at the refs when they made questionable calls and the first to cheer choso on when he dropped his gloves to fight a player on the other team who had made a questionable hit on megumi. she was passionate and it made watching games all the more fun for you, feeding off of her energy. it was actually what had finally gotten you to bother to actually learn most of the rules to the game so you also knew when refs made shitty calls (or when they let things go that they shouldn't have), though satoru had tried for years to get you to care about them.

the game ended eventually, a blowout that saw the final score 4-1 - satoru's team had won. they were fucking good, and you realized how much you had missed watching them play. it had probably only been a month since you had last been to a game, but you were making a mental note to try to come to them more regularly.

you and mei mei stayed in your seats even as the crowd started to clear out. the players were already off the ice, back in the locker room while a mix of after game interviews and showers happened. you typically would wait for satoru outside the locker rooms, but tonight as the arena grew quieter and quieter you found you kind of preferred this, the chill air and the muffled silence.

or maybe it was just you making it harder for satoru to find you when he was ready to leave, there was no real telling. even so, mei mei sat with you until he did find you, and only then did she get up. "i'm going to grab dinner with geto and some others, let me know if you need me."

you nodded before she left, giving satoru a curt nod before she made her way out of the arena. wordlessly, he moved to sit next to you. neither of you said anything, watching as the ice was cleaned in silence. eventually, you leaned your head over and rested it on his shoulder, your hand reaching out to take hold of one of his. instinctively, his own head rested on top of yours, squeezing your hand tightly like he was afraid to let go of it.

"I'm sorry." "i'm sorry."

you both said at the same time, causing him to let out a soft half-chuckle while you let out a deep sigh. you gave his hand a squeeze, shutting your eyes. "we need to talk but... we should probably go outside. I don't want to hold up everyone trying to clean and leave." he agreed and the two of you untangled from each other, gojo following you up the steps and eventually to the players exit. "I assume you drove?" you ask him and when he nods in confirmation, he leads you to his car. you get in, the familiar smell of leather and the air freshener he liked to use putting you a little more at ease.

he drives off, and you don't ask him where to. you think you know, and as soon as he pulls up to the park you two discovered five years ago you were proven correct. you and gojo had found this park one night when, after far too much sugar, he had insisted you go on a long walk through the city. you had stumbled on this park, hidden away in a quiet part but with the most lovely, well kept flowers.

you had instantly been infatuated with the place, and upon seeing how much your face had lit up when you saw all the different flower varieties, satoru had declared this park to be your place - yours and his. as a silent rule, neither of you ever brought anyone else here, though you had come here on your own several times when you wanted to be alone to think but didn’t want to be cooped up inside; he had done the same.

you wordlessly walk over to the swing set, sitting down on the left side like you always did while he took the right swing. you use your feet to sway back and forth a little, tempted to just start swinging fully to put off the conversation further. but before you can, satoru breaks the silence. “y/n, i’m in love with you.”

you blink, head snapping towards him immediately. “what?” you asked, disbelieving. in all the ways you had imagined this conversation going, satoru telling you he was in love with you right out the gate had never been on the table. “fuck, i didn’t mean to just say it like that,” he fumbled through his words. “i mean, i kind of did. i was planning on telling you tonight but like. i thought we’d have a long conversation first.”

he laughed, though you knew it was his nervous laugh, his face full of worry as you two looked at each other. you blinked at him a couple more times, the shock starting to fade, though your eyes were still wide and you wouldn’t have been surprised if your heart beat right out of your chest right then and now. “i… i’m in love with you, satoru. i was also planning on telling you tonight.” you paused for just the briefest of seconds, not giving him any sort of time to react.

"that's why I left you at brunch the other week, I was so fucking mad at you. I was very clearly hitting on you and I thought you were reciprocating because you were way more touchy than even you usually are and then you took too long coming back from the bathroom and I was starting to get worried and then I saw you with her satoru, I saw you with rumi." you paused, only to catch your breath, holding your hand up to stop him when he opened his mouth to reply - and to his credit, he shut his mouth immediately.

"you were standing so close to each other and that sounds so stupid to get jealous about but you'd already ditched going to the restaurant opening with me to go with her. because yes while we're confessing things, I was so fucking jealous you went with her. how the fuck did you just forget you and I had made plans? that really fucking hurt, actually. and then you had the audacity to be even a little jealous over me going with choso instead when in reality you should be thanking him because he was, in fact, the main reason I had a good fucking night. and don't start some bullshit about me and him, you know we're just friends. we're both a little too hung up on people who don't care about us."

you let out a choked, bitter laugh. holy shit, your heart was still racing at what couldn't possibly be a healthy rate, and the thought of this conversation going wrong still made you sick, but it also felt good - really fucking good - to get all of this off your chest.

"I know you and kamo are just friends don't worry," satoru interjected, your last words stinging him a little. hung up on people who don't care about you? he cared about you, probably a little too much. he opened his mouth again, this time to defend himself but you beat him too it, your ramblings not finished - now that you'd started you had to get it all out.

"so do you know how absolutely shitty it felt to see you and the woman you ditched me for standing so close, her hand holding on to your arm. and then I saw you kiss her! that's when I left, i clearly had misread what I thought your intentions were and I felt so fucking stupid. and mad. and upset. and hurt." you let out a long breath. "okay, now you may speak."

"jesus..." he muttered under his breath, running a hand over his face. gojo could barely process the fact that you told him you were in love with him too. instead, all he could think was that what he had been worried about had been true: you were mad at him and you had seen him with rumi.

he was such an idiot. he should have put physical distance between him and her when she’d come up to him but the truth was, rumi didn’t mean anything to him. he barely knew her, and so as stupid as it sounded, he simply hadn’t thought anything about the fact that they were standing together so closely, that she had her hand on his arm.

he hadn’t been expecting her to kiss him. fuck, he didn't even know where to start. this wasn't the big romantic speech he'd thought he'd deliver, no instead everything felt like a total fucking disaster. he turned his head to you, reaching out a hand and felt slight relief as you reached back and allowed him to hold your hand.

"first, i'm sorry for all of it. I'm sorry I ditched you to go to the opening with rumi. I felt like shit for doing that to you, it just honestly had slipped my mind." he stopped, shaking his head because his own words sounded pathetic to him. "it wasn't because I don't care about you or I take you for granted. she and I just ended up at the same party and i'd had a few drinks and she brought up going together and I agreed. kind of nice to find out you really were jealous though."

you narrowed your eyes and shot him a look and he widened his eyes, shaking his head again, this time in a panic. "no, no, no that came out wrong. it's just, shit y/n, i've had feelings for you for so long and anytime I came close to telling you, you'd introduce me to a new boyfriend or gush about this new guy you'd bet at a coffee shop. I've just never been sure if you ever saw me the same way."

god, he was royally fucking up, he could feel it. this was his big chance and he was ruining it - he genuinely wasn't sure why he had a reputation for being such a ladies man when he couldn't even get his thoughts out in the right way the one time it mattered the most.

but you gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and he was just relieved that you hadn't dropped his hand immediately. and so he forced himself to press on. "as for brunch? I wanted to go back to your place so bad. I wanted to finally get to kiss you and tell you you're the most beautiful person i've ever met and not only that but the funniest and most patient, the person I feel the most comfortable around. she kissed me. and I know that sounds lame and i'm not trying to excuse it because as soon as I realized what she was doing I should have pulled away immediately. I left her awkwardly as soon as I could."

hadn't been soon enough, he knew now.

"the past two weeks have been killing me, petal. but I didn't want to push you too much, especially since mei mei wouldn't let me in when I tried to see you right after."

you didn't even know what to say. this was all you had ever wanted, to be able to be open and honest about how you feel and to find out that satoru felt the same way. but this was a lot, the revelation that he was in love with you marred by the whole situation with rumi.

"i've had feelings for you for a long time, toru. I just. I was scared to tell you, because I didn't think you felt the same way, and I didn't want to risk losing you." you could feel tears welling up in your eyes, and you tried to wipe them away with your free hand but it was already too late. "fuck."

"hey, hey, come here," satoru gently tugged at your hand as soon as he realized you were trying to not cry and you let him, standing up from the swing and moving towards him. he pulled you down into his lap, arms wrapping protectively around you as he held you to him, pressing a chaste kiss to the side of your head.

"you can cry, petal, it's okay. this is... a lot." there was the best friend you knew, the one you had fallen for. underneath the cocky attitude, the easy grin that signaled to the world that he knew just how talented he was, the stupid jokes that made everyone roll their eyes, satoru gojo was one of the most thoughtful, caring people you had ever met. it wasn't obvious, in fact you knew he went out of his way to put out a persona that would suggest otherwise, but he was someone who was always thinking about other people.

countless times, you'd seen him go out of his way to help people that needed it, to protect those who couldn't protect themselves. though he had made fun of you and awful lot ever since you'd met him, he had never once made you feel bad for crying. the first time he'd caught you crying, you had been hiding out at the playground across the street from school, sobbing your eyes out because a couple of older kids had taken the art project you had worked so hard on and tore it to pieces. they had called you a try hard, and satoru?

he had found them and made them apologize.

and so the two of you sat on the swing, him in the actual seat and you still being held on his lap. you let the silence was over you, silent tears rolling down your face that eventually came to a stop, cheeks drying.

"i'm scared you losing you too, y'know." his confession soft, almost as if he was whispering some sort of prayer to himself. you'd heard him anyway, hands resting on top of his as he held you by the waist. "even if you felt the same way, we could always get together, break up, and never speak again."

it was sort of a relief, the fact that your relationship meant as much to him as it did to you, that he had denied himself the possibility of a chance with you in order to preserve the bond you shared. you weren't quite sure, though, where that left you. you had just told each other that you were in love with the other, and though you both felt significantly more at ease than you had since you'd last seen each other, it didn't exactly feel like a celebration either.

"what... what does this mean for us?" you questioned, hesitant and meek when you wanted to sound strong and sure. "it doesn't feel like jumping right into calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend is the right thing to do. if that was something you even ever wanted to do," you rushed quickly. even though you knew how he felt about you now, there was still a cloud of doubt you couldn't shove away.

just because he was in love with you didn't necessarily mean he wanted to be your boyfriend, right?

"i see i have a lot of reassuring to do..." he teased, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "but i get what you mean." your heart sank a little at his words, even though he was merely agreeing with a sentiment you had voiced first.

"i don't want things to change how they are. like, i don't want us to get all weird around each other or anything. i want us to still be best friends." he hesitated, and you weren't sure if he was second guessing himself or just trying to find the right words to say.

"let me take you on a date. a proper one, not one of the million friend dates we've done." you turned your head up to look at him as soon as he had said "let me take you on a date," butterflies suddenly filling your stomach - you were pretty sure you were going to need at least two days to physically recover from the emotional roller coaster you were currently on.

you opened your mouth to reply before shutting it again. you wanted to ask satoru a million questions, to poke and prod until he admitted this was all a terrible joke. but instead of voicing any doubt and insecurity that tried to dominate your thoughts, you simply said "okay."

which brough a genuine smile to his lips before he leaned down and pressed another kiss to you, this time to your forehead.

eventually, he took you home. the two of you mixed filling each other in on what had been going on in both your lives for the past two weeks with talk about where you two stood now.

you had settled on this: nothing was changing between you two, except for the fact that you were both finally being honest about your feelings. satoru was going to take you on a date and, hopefully, keep taking you on dates until you both felt it was the right time for your relationship progress. neither of you had expressed the worry on your minds, the "if our relationship progresses." that was a worry for another day.

gojo had insisted on walking you up to your apartment door, leaving you with a goodnight kiss on the cheek. and now that you were home and alone, as you started your nighttime routine you started to accept that maybe, just maybe, things were going to work out.

a/n: i rambled a little too much but these fools (me) always have sm to say!! things are turning around for now for gojo and reader, but we'll see if it stays that way... any thoughts/comments are always appreciated!!

taglist: open @basicallyjeankirschtein @therealanxiety @angelina7890 @starmapz @raquel12 @kittyyyyykats

[parker-artio]

The Batfamily in who I think is the most flexible to least flexible (w/ my reasons)

Richard (Dick) Grayson- I feel like this one just makes sense, no extra information needed. He’s the last Flying Grayson, he’s cannonly super fucking flexible, not much information needed.

Cassandra Cain- Once again feel like it’s a given. She’s a baller dancer, and she moves so agile on her feet it’s practically obvious she’s flexible and easy to move

Damian Wayne- Oddly enough I think this boy is like a wet noodle when he wants to be, he is flexible. But you’d never know unless you see his ass play limbo or some shit.

Timothy Drake- He gives flexible. He probably tried to practice Dick’s moves in his room alone when he was a kid and stalked Batman and Robin. He would definitely be more flexible than Damian if Damian didn’t have his young age. Tim could easily surpass Damian in terms of flexibility if he wanted, but he just chooses not to stretch everyday (bad idea)

Stephanie Brown- She’s like Tim- does NOT stretch enough. But she could rival Tim in terms of flexibility if she actually wanted to, she can probably do flips and splits better than Tim, but when it comes to back flexibility he’d win by a landslide

Duke Thomas- He’s got a bigger build, like a quarterback who’s only a freshman kind of build. He’s good at flips, dodging, and jumping, but I don’t think he does any kind of stretches that would improve his flexibility, just the kind of ones that would make sure it’s still working.

Jason Todd- Bro is built like a double fridge with a top AND bottom freezer. He’s massive. He’s got muscles that can rival his siblings HEADS. Hes tall, he’s beefy, and he’s a marksman. He’s flexible enough to do flips and cartwheels, but he cannot do anything that involves twisting his body up.

Bruce Wayne- He used to be just like Tim flexibility wise, but then he stated to adopt kids.

Barbara Gordon- This is in no way a jab at her, I fucking love her. Before the wheelchair she’d be placed between Damian and Tim. But now she’s got her shoulder and upper back- that’s it. Which is as flexible as she can get them, but it’s also half of her body. I love her so much though, she’s badass and without her everyone would crumble. So it doesn’t matter if she’s flexible or not.

Alfred Pennyworth- He’s old.

If we want to add Kate, i firmly believe she’d be placed Steph and Duke. She’s flexible, but also just enough to do all of the stuff she needs.

(I know there’s so many other members I could add but ppl only seem to care for these guys- but I might make a more thorough and longer one, with more family members, like Harper, Selina, Helena [depending on what universe], Claire, Luke, David, Cullen, ect.)

[frownyalfred]

Nearly all my AO3 bookmarks are unhinged (positive) comments for my organization system, and I need you to know that, unironically, a non zero numbers of my bookmarks of your stuff is stuff like, “No Alfred chopping wood, 6.5/10”, “Hal jumpscare. Have learned something about myself today. 8.43/10”, or “Is a WIP. Mean :( 4/10”

The number-crunching process is…intricate, lol.

My bookmarks are also entirely private. I only bookmark writing I love, but I don’t wanna accidentally upset someone when they reasonably interpret things differently, you know? Especially w/authors like you who have written enough for some serious variety and might be worried about people reacting immaturely to new kinds of fic.

I enjoy everything you put out, both for the stuff I found you for (SuperBat for days) and things I honestly used to consider a squick of mine (You have rewritten my brain with your A/B/O AUs)!

I appreciate both your rating system and your care in making sure it's private to prevent misunderstandings. I think I'd be 90% more chill about ratings in bookmarks if they gave an explanation like you described -- though I don't speak for all authors and sometimes the rating itself, even with context, is a slap in the face.

I do think you bring up an important thought here. So much of our tone online is context-dependent, and authors and bookmarkers are sometimes operating in very different circles. Meaning can get lost easily, and feelings can be hurt easily without that being the intention. Keeping things private unless we're certain the author won't be hurt makes the most sense to me right now, until we come up with a better system.

An example of this came to me as I was writing this reply. A few months ago I had someone reblogging my posts on here and tagging them "pedantic." And while yes, I agree that most of my posts are probably a little pedantic, that still stung. I mean, pedantic? You think I'm pedantic? That's all you have to say about it? Why are you reblogging it then?

So I went to their blog, read their pinned post, and realized they had a complex tagging system set up for archiving. "Pedantic" was their own tag for posts that were either longer than a paragraph, or that got into greater detail about certain topics. Their explanation/tag summary made perfect sense after that, but from my POV back on my own blog? All I get is the "pedantic" which again, didn't feel great.

That's all to say -- reader and writer relationships are a push and pull, a constant evaluation of ourselves and others, and we should seek to be kind and perhaps overly cautious when possible. Too many things already get lost in translation here on the internet.

[capitanoidyll]

There is No Law that Emperors Must be Fair

Emperor ! Jing Yuan x Princess ! Reader

Chapter 13 | What Belongs to Him

Summary | You are set to marry the Emperor, Jing Yuan. In order to break the engagement, you stage an accident and fake having amnesia. But now, your own cruel, cold, and distant fiancé, who seemed to not want anything to do with you, is now acting all lovey dovey!

Previous | Fic Masterlist | Next

You originally thought that sleep would be hard to come by, however, you were proven wrong when you woke up the next morning. Your body feeling better than yesterday thanks to the medicine that Luocha gave you. Sitting up in bed, you looked around your room, and then to your bedroom door. Your room, as far as you knew was your only safe haven and a place you could hopefully let your guard down. Though, you still worried… what if someone was in here right now hiding? You closed your eyes and tried to listen carefully, but you couldn’t pinpoint anything.

Moze has definitely left an impression on you…

Shaking your head after a few moments, you finally got out of bed. There was a dull ache in your legs and back, but it was bearable thankfully.

Now, Jing Yuan said my maids will help me today, but… ever since coming here no maid has ever made such an effort. Maybe once or twice, but that was about it. Probably because they don’t like me all that much.

You sighed at your thoughts and went for your wardrobe. Opening the closest doors, your eyes roamed over your dresses. Wait… are there more in here than before? You decided not to question it as you went for a dress that just so happened to be your favorite color. If Jing Yuan asks about it, then you could just say that he had said that it was your favorite color and that you could understand why you liked it so much now that you see it in person. Now, putting the dress on proved to be a hassle but you managed… somehow.

“Ok… so now what?”

You looked to your bedroom door again. Do you even risk it? Then again, it definitely beats staying in here all day.

So, gathering nay courage that you had, you went to your door.

“Ok, so I’m a princess with amnesia, and I’m to be married to the Emperor. In other words, I should act like I own the place, right?”

Steeling yourself, you opened the door and stepped out of your bedroom. Looking left and then right, you decided to head right. (You knew that the kitchen and dining room were that way, but you would just tell anyone that asks that you took a guess on which way to go.)

Walking down the halls, you noticed how some of the maids avoided you, not that you minded. You didn’t particularly want to talk to them either. It wasn’t until you passed by the stairs that you fell down that you stopped.

Thinking about it now, this means you fell down these stairs twice, right?

I hope I don’t make it three…

“y/n.”

You jumped a little and spun on your heel to look at who had spoken to you, but the voice was distinct. You already knew who it was.

“Yuan?”

The Emperor was smiling at you, “I’m surprised that you’re already out of bed,” he said as he came to stand next to you his eyes shifting from you to the stair case.

“Well, I know you said my maids will assist me, but no one ever came to check up on me, and…,” you shifted from foot to foot, “since I’m to marry you…. I thought I was allowed to walk around. Did I- did I mess up?”

Jing Yuan chuckled softly as he held out his arm for you. Taking a moment to realize what he was doing, you hesitantly wrapped your hands around his arm. One hand on his bicep and the other on his forearm. Once you gotten a hold on him, he started to go towards the stairs and with a shaky step from you, you both began to descend the stairs.

“You’re allowed to go anywhere your heart desires within my domain. Though, I do ask that you be escorted.”

You wondered if he could feel your fingers tremble against his arm. His arm, to which you noticed was lined with taught muscle. Focus, y/n, focus!

“I- I’m sorry, no one was by my door either…”

“I know, Blade, your bodyguard, was taking care of some business for me. He’ll be by your side again after breakfast.”

“Then is that why you were coming down the hall? To come get me?”

You saw a glint in his eyes as he smiled at you.

Once down the stairs, you went to let go of his arm, but he raised his other hand to keep your hands where they were. You looked back at the steps.

“Was this the staircase I fell down?”

Jing Yuan looked to where your eyes were watching, “yes, it was. Do you remember anything?”

You shook your head, “I just.. have a feeling is all,” you looked back up at Jing Yuan as he turned his gaze back to your face, “how about the one who pushed me… I heard it was.. a maid?”

“Yes,” you could hear the sigh in his voice, “a maid, but I wouldn’t worry about her. She has been properly dealt with.”

You couldn’t stop the shiver that ran down your spine. While you were sleeping in bed… some maid was getting killed.

“But why not give her a punishment instead?”

Jing Yuan hummed thoughtfully as he dropped his arm causing you to let go of his bicep and forearm.

And all too quickly he was in front of you, his hands cupping your cheeks as his thumbs pressed right under your jaw and tilting your head up. You could feel the way your breath hitched and how your heart seemed to skip every other beat.

“Because little sparrow, I truly despise when someone damages what belongs to me.”

He let one hand fall from your cheek to rest against your throat. His fingers encircled your throat with careful precision as he leant down and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips that contrasted with the way he held you in place. And all too soon his hands didn’t feel to domineering or suffocating as he moved them to slide down your arms and to your hips. His lips slowly detach from you as you silently caught your breath.

“Now, princess, let’s go eat breakfast. I was sure to tell the chefs to cook your favorites.”

He was going to kill you again; you were sure of it.

Taglist pt 1

@danae-misfortune @frogsasfrogs @openthenyoor01 @zuhaine @ughlostmyotherac @joyfulnightprincess @thechibifoxcub @ceaether @satanisasofties @thetwinkims @yanrandom @honeybunbunn @superdonkeypatroleggs @ohmyfinggod @baboon-milk333 @zareri @kclremin @rains-mae @yccoffeesimp @bloomiesty @moon-taffy @superdark-soul @pinkismyfavcolor @isa-l0v3r @its-astrotea-love @reapersan @junephantom21 @erisfayred @greyrain23 @justadekusimp @uzxotic @alisstaa @avalordream @unlivingdisaster @pix-stuff @sleepyxion14 @pillows-blankets @anicega @junni-berry @niaainthere @sorachitsuki @dyingsweetmackerel @rosariymchapter @immahuman @fluffy-koalala @momoniq @orphiclueur @insightedly

[matteglaze]

Thinking about, tired fisherman! Aizawa and Shark! Reader

Aizawa has always been a great fisherman, almost abnormally so, with large catches and even larger fish. Others always ask him, how does he do it? Though, he never entertains it.

In, comes you, you make sure to follow Aizawa around— because it seems like he knows all the spots with the most plump fish. You end up turning it into a graveyard once he's left, eating everything in your wake.

Now, whenever Aizawa returns to his usual spots he's cursed to be in a drought. There's no more fish, and no fish means no money, no money means no food on his plate.

He spends hours at a time just waiting for something to hook onto his line, waiting and waiting, and when nothing happens he comes back the next day to do it again.

You take pity on him, of course you do, and decide to 'help' him out.

This leads to a series of strange events.

When Aizawa first finds out that you're some sort of mermaid— "No mermaid, shark" (you always correct him)— he thinks he's going insane.

But I also feel like he gets somewhat used to the idea (it's still very strange). You then express that you've always had an interest in humans, and Aizawa learns that you've managed to learn his language by spying on other fishermen's conversations.

(At least that explains your odd dialogue)

"Shouta, got any on ya fish, fella?"

Though, the order of your words could use work. It's why he suggests that, if you can help him out with fishing, he can help you out with learning more about humans (since you seem to harbour a strange fascination with them).

At first, you deny his offer. Mostly because in your culture, it's a courting ritual to provide for the one you want to mate, and then they offer you something back as well.

And, you aren't that interested in Shouta. If you wanted to court a man, you'd choose the one with a large boat, that likes to sing to songs on the radio and tease Shouta.

Why would you go after Aizawa? He seems to be the weakest of his kind. Small boat, quiet, and you could easily eat him.

But with the more time you spend with Aizawa,, the more you start to like him.

So you agree, and Aizawa thinks nothing of it (maybe you just had a change of mind), but then this starts the series of you courting him.

You offer him big fish, almost too large for his boat, and many gems as well, all of which he ends up selling.

It isn't until you're both inside of a desolate cave, him sitting on the edge with his feet in, and you in the water.

You bring your hands up to his legs, and he jerks away.

".. What are you doing"

You almost seem bashful when you turn your head to the side, hands still hung up as if they're frozen in time.

"Will bring big fish if you let" you murmur.

Aizawa knows better now than to fall for your shy act, but he's been curious about you, too.

"I'd like to see.. your, uh, tail" was that a normal thing to ask? It wasn't, like, offensive right? I mean, you asked to feel his legs— so it can't be that weird..

Instead, it seems like you preen at the idea, puffing out your chest proudly. It was always a positive sign when future mates showed interest, and once he gets a look at the scars littering your tail, he'd practically be in awe at your pure, sheer strength!

It doesn't take much for you to lift yourself above the water, finding a spot next to him as you run your fingers across his legs, toying with the hair that grows and playing around with his knee.

"Good catch" you say.

Aizawa looks anywhere but you, and once it's his turn to explore your tail he just looks— far too in his head to touch the skin.

It goes on like this for a few weeks, you bringing him fish, he explains basic concepts of human behaviour and sometimes even brings you fruit or home cooked meals.

"I like when you provide food, mate"

And Shouta startles, eyes wide and mouth shut closed.

You didn't mean it like that, he rationalizes, you probably meant it in a friendly way—

So why can't he stop thinking about it?

ummm am I writing a longshot based off of this? noooo....

I'm very excited for this year's mermay fics !!

[in1-nutshell]

Hey ‘Shell! I want to thank you for the HCs of [TFA] Team Prime meeting Captain Buddy.

May I request a continuation of HCs where this time, the [TFA] Decepticons encounters the Captain America![Reader] variant?

They probably seen them help evacuate civilians from areas where fights occur between them and the Autobots. The super soldier aiding Team Prime and exhibiting their enhanced abilities (which I can imagine them practically ripping off a Decepticon’s servo).

There’s also a high chance they received a shield thrown at their faceplates. Must have hurt for them, too.

Con's are in for a rude awakening if they think they can punt this little human into orbit.

Hope you enjoy!

Decepticon's react to Captain America Buddy

SFW, Platonic, Human reader

TFA

It was only a matter of time before Buddy was introduced to the Cons.

Buddy is no longer surprised.

They had been dealing with these kinds of things from before they got sent to this world.

At first, they fight and treat them like any other villain of the week.

They were just some more big robots, that’s it.

Nothing really special than some of the weird inventions these other villains have come up with.

… That is until the Con’s start threating/ using the team as shields or hostages.

The gloves are off, shields up and Buddy is swinging.

Who are cautious of the new comer

These are Con’s who are a bit cautious seeing this new organic. They can’t tell what it is but by the way they carry themselves… They know this is not someone to take lightly. Will rub it into the faces of their teammates who decide to underestimate the organic. These Cons are a bit unsettled with how quicker and more agile this human is. They hadn’t met another human that could do these things. Mistakes are made when they decide to use Prime’s team as hostages. This organic is relentless and is willing to do everything they can get their little hands on to free their teammate. These Con’s are a sect fan of watching the human throw their shield… not that they would even admit it though.

Megatron

Blitzwing

Find this to be a new model of organic

These Cons don’t think too much when they see this new human. All organics are the same right? A myth that is quickly debunked when they get a shield straight into their optics. Now these Con’s KNOW that a normal human is NOT supposed to do all these stunts! Not even they can do some of these tricks! This is not normal! Are the Autobots feeding the human some sort of enhancement they don’t know about?! These Cons secretly think that the species has started evolving and these are going to be the new dominate species. Better take over the planet before more of them start popping out of the ground.

Blitzwing

Blackarachnia

The ones that get the shield to the face every single time

These Cons have no idea what they did to this organic for it TO BE ON SIGHT!!

Every.

Single.

Time!!!

Megatron or Omega Supreme could be in front of them and they would STILL go for them! WHAT DID THEY DO!? The amounts of dents these Cons have had to pound out on a daily is getting ridiculous…

Starscream

Blackarachnia

[malk1ns]

january 17 @ sabres, 5-2 win

goalie goal and geno showing off the goods. hell yeah.

When Sid was a little boy, he remembers asking his dad if he’d ever scored a goal while he was still playing hockey.

Troy never made it to the NHL; he probably could have gotten some time in the A, but he was never going to be a big star. He was good enough to get drafted, though, and play in the Q, and when Sid was little all hockey was equally impressive.

He remembers his dad laughing and nudging at the new stick he’d gotten for Christmas, still too tall for him but something his parents promised he’d grow into soon. “Goalies don’t score goals, they stop them,” he’d said, and Sid had nodded before scampering down to the basement to hit pucks at the net his dad put up as a surprise.

Sid liked scoring goals when he was young. He likes it now, too. That’s probably why he didn’t ever seriously think about going the goalie route, when he was still young enough to switch what he was playing. Goalies don’t score goals, they stop them.

Sid’s goalies, it seems, have never heard that before.

It’s a little surreal to have it happen in consecutive seasons, but Sid can’t wipe the smile from his face as he circles down to the empty net to scoop up the puck before making his way to the bench where Ned’s getting absolutely mobbed.

It’s been a tough season. Sid’s wrist is acting up, the team isn’t very good right now, and the Jarry situation left a lot of them shocked even though Sid was warned it was coming months ago if things didn’t improve. It’s nice to have something like this to celebrate every now and then.

He catches Geno’s eye through the crowd. Geno’s face is split in half with his own smile, and he’s shouting something incomprehensible as he smacks Ned’s helmet hard enough that Ned stumbles. Geno winks at him before turning to bang his stick against the boards as everyone settles down and prepares for the next shift.

The locker room is a madhouse after the final buzzer. Sid feels bad for the reporters who are congregating outside the room; the players aren’t the only people who have to catch a flight to DC for a quick turnaround tomorrow. He thinks they’ll understand a little bit of a delay while they dump water on Ned and holler over the music PO has going on the speakers.

Eventually they calm down enough to pass the game helmet. Sid leans back in his stall and looks around, soaking in everyone’s happiness as they whistle and clap when Ned tries to give a speech.

He pauses when he gets to where Geno’s sitting.

Geno’s always ready to hit the showers quicker than everyone else when he isn’t tapped for media. He doesn’t like to dawdle; the faster they get back home, or the hotel, or the plane if they’re traveling, the better. Sid knows part of it is he doesn’t like sitting in his sweaty base layers, which is more unusual for a hockey player than it probably should be.

So it’s not entirely a surprise that Geno’s already shirtless and down to the ratty, semi-translucent gray leggings he wears during every game. What is a surprise is the semi he’s sporting without an ounce of shame, legs spread as he laughs at something Ricky’s leaned over to tell him.

He must feel Sid’s eyes on him, because he swivels his head and catches where Sid’s looking. This time, his wink feels a little less ‘hey, how about our team’ and a little more like he’s trying to start something.

Sid poses for the team picture on the other side from where Geno’s sitting. Not for any reason, really. He’s not a teenager; it’s not like he’d lose his head and start groping Geno in front of the cameras. He just doesn’t want to be distracted from what the moment is about, which is congratulating Ned.

The plane is a different story.

Geno only plays cards on long flights, so it’s not unusual that he takes the seat next to Sid’s instead of continuing back to where the tables are. He doesn’t say anything as he settles in, humming to himself as he pulls out his pillow and the giant fuzzy Penguins blanket he’s been traveling with for over a decade now, pretending he doesn’t notice Sid’s eyes on him like a laser.

Good hockey games, good hockey in general, gets Sid riled up, and nobody would know that better than Geno.

Geno settles back against his seat back, cranes his neck to make sure nobody else is still walking down the plain aisle, and in one move tosses his blanket over Sid’s lap and slides his hand into Sid’s sweatpants.

“Ffff—Geno,” Sid hisses, clenching his thighs and glaring. Geno doesn’t even look at him, just fiddles with his phone with his free hand. The hand in Sid’s pants doesn’t even move, just curls around Sid’s dick and squeezes.

Sid can’t really do anything about it. If he makes a fuss, they might get heard. And he can’t exactly shove Geno’s hand away, not when it’s where it is. All he can do is sit and stare holes into the back of the seat in front of him, trying not to make a sound as his dick fills in Geno’s palm.

“Good game, yeah?” Geno says lowly, leaning close to Sid under the pretext of showing him something on his phone. Sid tears his eyes away from the seat back and stares blankly at Geno’s broken phone screen, gritting his teeth as Geno finally starts to move his hand, agonizingly slow. “You like when we get special goal, like, makes you excite.”

“I wasn’t the one with a stiffy in the locker room, buddy,” Sid mutters, clenching his thighs and choking back a groan when Geno presses his thumb into his slit. 

“No?” Geno says, sounding amused. And, well. 

“At least I still had my cup on,” Sid retorts.

Geno shrugs and slides his hand down Sid’s shaft, taking his balls in hand and squeezing them. Sid squeaks. “Boys get a show, like, it’s reward,” he says, tone as casual as though he’s talking to Sid about tomorrow’s weather. “And you like.”

“I’d like it more if you waited until we got to the hotel,” Sid says, slouching down and spreading his legs to give Geno more room. “We could do a little more if we had room, you know.”

“Yes, Sidney Crosby always wants to be on his knees when we win, I know,” Geno says, and Sid flushes hot. “You want to do here? Have time.”

Sid swallows, picturing it. If he slid to his knees under Geno’s blanket right here on the plane, peeling his pants down and letting Geno feed him his dick and hold his head down as he fucked Sid’s face. Would anyone notice? Would they stop to watch?

“Shit,” he breathes, grinding his hips up as his dick twitches. “Damnit, fuck you, we can’t do that.”

“You think about, let me get you off,” Geno orders, and Sid gives in, tipping his head back and closing his eyes as Geno works him over.

He bites down hard on his lip when he comes, hard enough that he thinks he broke skin. Worth it.

Geno wipes his hand off on Sid’s thigh, which is disgusting, but at least Sid has on boxers, so he’s able to mop up the mess without staining through his sweats. And once Sid’s caught his breath enough to look around, nobody’s looking at them. They got away with it.

The adrenaline catches up to him then, and he laughs a little, sprawling back in his chair and kicking Geno’s ankle. Geno just smirks at him, heaving himself up and back to the bathroom, presumably to wash his hands.

Sid floats for the rest of the plane ride, luxuriating in the unexpected orgasm and the thought of what he’s going to do to get Geno back once they’re in their room and safely behind a door.

Tanger eyes them both suspiciously when they finally touch down and are waiting to file off the plane, but Sid smiles blandly at him as he shoulders his bag. Kris can’t prove a damn thing.

[b1asho]

Erm, oc comic? Just click on the images idk how to change the image position formatting here yet :(

This is what I've been doing all this time, I need to practice putting these things together. I like some things and had fun, but it also looks kind of yucky.

Oh well

Featured here are Rinshi, a muttreazik, and their boss/sister Maro, a Sundyne who's been (violently) ousted from her extremely politically important clan (for terrorism and attempted assassination :D )

The two are hiding from authorities in the SEZ, and not having a great time in general.

Here's a buncha other info, aka i want to talk about my wretched ocs :

-Rinshi is a mancer, meaning they're a muttreazik with a degree of control over matter around them (think telekinesis). Their blue eyes aren't the result of my choice of coloring, thats the color they are all the time (a highly highly unusual color for muttreazik, even in the 'other' color category).

Rinshi is also a 'they' in the same way you'd call an animal an 'it' rather than a 'he' or 'she' if that makes sense. They don't think of themself as nonbibary in the human sense, instead it's more of an "outside of the binary and therefore a nonperson" way that Cerest use for xenos. It's the only option that's not male/female/he/she that they're aware of in this point in their life

Maro is a she (and VERY upset that it means she can't ascend to God emperor)

Rinshi is hunting with a nail that they’re controlling with their mind because that’s a lot easier than chasing down the alien rats yourself.

Normally this would be very easy for them but they’re kind of going through it right now, thus the major space-out and eye-bleed at the end (which normally happens to mancers who either overextend themselves or try to do stuff without any energy support from the body)

Not all Cerest-homeplanet animals have a decentralized nervous system like Cerest themselves do (such as these two animals, who have all their thinking meat in their head), but either way a shard of metal through the face isn’t good for anything

There are pockets of Cerest wildlife in the SEZ if you look for them hard enough, which Rinshi has to do because they’re currently in the outer reaches of it away from any inhabited districts where you could just buy/steal meat products. They're spending a considerable amount of time doing this since they're trying to keep a large hypercarnivore alive right now.

Maro got her face and torso cut up pretty bad during her.uh. Incident. Luckily Cerest heal fast, though infection and only eating rats has complicated and prolonged things. They’re currently living in an old habitat pod, which she can hardly leave thanks to the healing process (which has left her pretty much unable to walk. If she could, she'd definitely be the one doing the hunting because she has fewer qualms about killing things than rinshi does.)

This conversation is pretty out of character for her, but like she said, it's boring spending most of your time asleep in a garbage heap rather than pursuing your ambitions of ruling the world. Thankfully, she can always just ask her trusty retainer about things they don’t want to talk about.

‘et kerusit’ is just the Cerest version of like ‘my liege’ but specifically in the Sundyne female context and specifically for someone in Maro’s (former) rank/position in her (former) clan. "Princess" is also a pretty close analog but neither really sounded right so I made up some words. "Retainer” is the closest word I could find for what Rinshi is to Maro, and it fits fairly well (there is probably a better word out there but i like the old-timey knight vibe) they were originally employed to her clan as basically her little assistant and mandatory friend/bodygaurd/ally/etc. This happened mostly as an insult to her because that role should normally fall to a fellow sundyne and not a 'lesser species', but she has made it work.

I'm still testing this out but the Cerest language conventions are also why the question marks are out front most of the time, they don't change tone to indicate a question and instead just say an "I'm asking you a question" word at the start.

Rinshi also has a sort of stutter no matter what language they're speaking, with different words and sounds causing prolongations or repetitions. They didn't have any kind of support for the issue growing up, so theyre not great at managing it. So that's why some of their words are like that

The aforementioned rank difference is also why Maro gets 2 << instead of 1 when speaking (she's using a different enunciation of words to indicate her status, as is Rinshi. Basically ï for royalty i for commoner, or something. If they were speaking a Drecu dialect rather than a Sundyne one, their words would be in these things -> [[ ) .

As I’ve mentioned up there, they see each other more like siblings in their own mini clan (but she definitely calls the shots in their relationship )

Muttreazik think rebirth is real and they’re kind of right (at least within their own species). Rinshi does NOT want to dwell on where they used to live but those ideas were drilled in at a very young age.

[louisisalarrie]

I am relatively new to this fandom and I am already struggling with some things and I was hoping to get some perspective in the midst of feeling a bit discouraged. Do you ever struggle with admiring these artists who you know are lying to you and basically using manipulation tactics with the fandom? I have empathy for what these guys have gone through and can’t even imagine, especially so young. But especially with Louis, realizing that the Larry fans have stuck with him through so much and even through bbg (the ones who saw it for what it is), to just continue to be fed crap and seemingly pitted against other fans is just exhausting. And beyond a great super expensive concert, Harry seems completely disconnected and checked out. Concert Harry and public Harry are two totally different people (probably neither actually the real Harry) because of narratives and marketing and it just seems like everything is meant to be dissected and figured out and nothing is probably what it seems. And it really sucks to completely believe these are really great guys and believe that the situation is way more complicated than I can ever understand, yet still like I am just being fed bread crumbs that are supposed to be appreciation. I know as fans we are not owed all of them and they are absolutely entitled to a private life, but it just feels a bit like say nice things when we are convenient and spending money to attend shows and buy albums and leave us to deal with all the bullshit that goes with it on our own. Does this make any sense? I feel like it may sound a bit dramatic but it has been a long day :) I am just wondering if I am alone or being way to parasocial in sometimes feeling like this.

Heya!! no you’re not alone in this at all. And welcome to the fandom! <3

A lot of larries left when bbg happened. a lot of folks stopped tapping into any theories of Larry because like… it was harming their view on the boys and draining them of energy more so than just being part of the fandom which is meant to be a happy community supporting our faves. The disgust and clear closeting and stunts we’ve watched these boys go through just… makes my heart ache for them. But I can understand the frustration because it’s like… why can’t they do anything about it? Why are we still being lied to? When will it end? Why can’t I just enjoy my fave’s music without all this extra stuff on top of it?

And that is probably one of the biggest things about ending stunts is that you feel lied to. You’ve been sold a story for no other reason than money. You’ve been presented with this “authentic” image but really…. There’s more to it. It’s frustrating. Authenticity is just such a massive thing for artists these days. I know I keep hammering on about it but fr, it’s one of the best things an artist can do for their image, and for their wellbeing.

Rest assured though, we’re standing by their sides. We’re shouting from the rooftops. We’re reading laws and contracts and digging right in and learning and sharing info and it’s sooooo fucking cool. Obviously, a horrible circumstance, but do you know how many larries I got to know during 1d who now work in music? or are very well read in entertainment law and want to make a change? or are inspired to create safer spaces in fandoms? it’s a really cool thing off a very bad situation. but nonetheless, we have a community here, fighting for them.

Ending these stunts is no easy feat, either. It takes a lot of paperwork and a lot of damage control (depending on the story you’re going for), and a lot of convincing and maintaining relationships and losing money etc., and while artists are better without it… it’s just always gonna be there, one way or the other.

Larry was, and is, such a massive curveball to the industry. While yes a lot of artists have been closeted over the years, Larry was major in a turning point because of the fandom, the rise of social media (those two boys having access to their accounts and being sickly in love), and the rise of a different artist to fan relationship. Everything was recorded, gifs were made, we could directly message/tweet the boys, it was just… such a massively wild time, so the closeting came down really hard because it was unprecedented. SC was in entirely new territory, freaking out because they weren’t really aware how to take on alll these fans + social media. It was a mess. He panicked.

And every famous person has an image, a brand. It’s again, that fight on authenticity that people are yelling for now more than ever. Down goes the days of a whole fandom accepting something for what it is - we see through the bullshit, but it won’t just end. It makes money.

Anyway, it’s shitty but I’ve been here for a million years now and I, personally, can’t give up. I see a lot of yucky things in this industry firsthand, and when this all comes out, everything changes.

[pinayelf]

Davrin's Vallaslin

This is definitely not the first post about speculation on Davrin's vallaslin and I'm probably not the only person who has the same ideas but I wanted to write it down anyway.

Dav's vallaslin could either be June's or Ghilan'nain's and here's some good arguments for either:

Davrin's vallaslin is unique to him, Rook can't have it through the CC and there aren't other Dalish characters with it. The vallaslins in DAtV are the same as far as I know to the ones in DAI, probably to make it simple since you put your quizzie in. So this plays into the idea that clans have different designs from another - though ofc there will be similarities to the same gods.

June

The lines in Davrin's vallaslin is similar to the June vallaslin from DAI.

June was seen as the God of Craft, and whether or not Davrin sees himself as one - he's a skilled craftsman. He sketches and sculpts detailed figures with great accuracy. According to the art book his armor was designed with the idea that he customized it himself, so it represents him being a Warden, while also being utilitarian with his monster hunting job. Davrin is good with his hands (lol) and if this was something he's been good at since he was young, I see him choosing June.

Though being a craftsman isn't something he ended up dedicating his life to, he still carries it with him.

Ghilan'nain

While the lines in Davrin's vallaslin is more similar to June's, the shape and placement is nearly identical to the Ghilan'nain vallaslin from DAI.

It also features a lot of the shapes in Ghilan'nain's form - the horns, her pauldrons, the swooping lines reminiscent of her tentacles.

Eldrin said Davrin used to sing to the Halla when he was a kid. Despite his no-nonsense, dog eat world view of things now as an adult, it's obvious Davrin has always had a soft heart for animals. Despite swearing he's just Assan's (and the other griffons' bodyguard), he knows how to calm them, knows them all by name and cares deeply for them. He agrees with Taash when they say animals are better than people (disagree and not a big fan of the line myself lol but regardless).

Davrin's skill in training griffons, his expertise in hunting beasts and monsters possibly stemmed from his love of Halla as a kid. I even want to say his love for Halla jumpstarted his interests in animals, beasts and creatures. So it wouldn't be far off that he'd choose to dedicate his vallaslin to Ghilan'nain.

And that would be so narratively delicious - Davrin, with a dedication of Ghilan'nain permanently etched on his face, must kill her.

So who is the vallaslin?

Until a dev confirms, I think both options are good bets.

I'm leaning towards Ghilan'nain - because it's confirmed in canon lore that he's always loved Halla and animals, and narratively it's the best fit.

[marcelinenocturne]

᧙ Just a note about how great könig and *ೃ

Minors DNI! ⌑ Inspiration link (๑´`๑)

Warnings: My opinion, fluffy headcanons, König’s big body struggles

• • ┈┈┈┈ ๑ ⋅ ⋯ 🖇️ ⋯ ⋅ ๑ ┈┈┈┈ • •

When people mention that König is a big guy, some might picture a tall and lean man. But for me, that’s hard to believe. Others imagine him as a wall of pure muscle, with a physique akin to a bodybuilder, simply because it’s "visually appealing." However, this completely ignores the military context he comes from.

His body was literally trained to be resilient and strong—exactly what the army looks for. Ever seen a heavyweight lifter? You don’t need to be an expert to imagine that beneath all that gear hides a massive guy weighing roughly 100 kilos or more, who probably consumes 4,000 to 6,000 calories daily just to keep up.

To be honest, I can only picture his large, thick chest paired with broad, veiny arms, his body easily twice the size of an average man. I think about his slightly bloated belly after a buffet—because let’s be real, the restaurant probably took a loss after König kept calling the poor waiter over every two minutes.

Have you ever tried shopping for clothes for your “pet bear”? Fancy brand shirts struggle to contain him, with the buttons at the top stretched so tight they give you a sneak peek of his skin beneath. Or his massive biceps refusing to let the sleeves even make it past his arms. Meanwhile, you’re standing outside the fitting room, hearing him mutter curses in German.

If you’re brave enough to peek inside, you’ll probably catch him trapped in some poor one-size-fits-all shirt. And don’t even get me started on pants—those things always get stuck halfway up his thick, round thighs. He’ll be visibly annoyed because he really liked the pants, but alas, there’s no bigger size. Poor König. Clothes that fit his upper body end up baggy in other areas because they’re made for overweight frames rather than muscular ones.

You can try to comfort him by saying he looks better without clothes anyway, but all you’ll get in return is one of those “don’t tempt me” stares. Speaking of his struggles with clothing, König faces an even greater punishment with underwear. The elastic bands are often too tight, and while some brands accommodate “above-average” sizes in the front, nobody seems to think about guys with big butts. His underwear ends up too short in the back, leaving the edges of his perfect, round cheeks exposed like a pair of tempting melons barely contained by micro-shorts. He’d be so flustered and grumpy about it.

But having a König all to yourself has its perks! Lying on him is like lying on a breathing mattress—though sometimes the mattress might let out a cabbage-scented death cloud. Okay, that part isn’t great, but having him as your living bed still has its advantages. Especially when he’s lying on his stomach, and you can throw yourself on top of him, feeling the gradual warmth of his soft, comfy body. His behind, in particular, is irresistibly plush. If you’re the playful type, you might even pretend to “hump” him while he’s face-down. It’d be hilarious—until he flips the script and you’re the one getting wrecked.

To clarify, my take on König is neither that of a bodybuilder nor a big guy without strength or purpose. He’s the real strongman—the kind who could knock someone out with a slap, lift an 80-kilo man and snap his spine, or twist necks like he’s prepping a chicken for stew.

In short, he’s got that famous “dad bod,” but scaled up—not just tall, but wide as well, which is wonderful. No matter how big you are, you’ll always feel small next to him. That warm, soft body could break you if he hugged you too tightly, and isn’t that just perfect? <3

⌑

This post isn’t meant to criticize anyone or their preferences. I just wanted to share how I imagine König beneath the uniform. ૮₍꜆꜄ ˃ ³ ˂ ₎აApologies if I offended anyone ૮₍ ´• ˕ •` ₎ა

Remembering that I am not fluent in English so if there is any error it is the translator app's fault. ૮₍⇀‸↼‶₎ა🇧🇷➛🇺🇸

[kradogsrats]

Oh! I think about this a lot, though I'm not really sure why besides that how people make decisions about children is inherently kind of interesting to me.

The Aaravos situation is unusual in that there's a relatively short timeline attached to it—they aren't putting off having children until some nebulous future time when there might finally not be some kind of crisis somewhere, they're putting it off for seven years, at which point they will be... all of 25 years old, which is generally considered to be a much better time to have a baby than 19 or 20. I've read stuff in other fandoms where the decision of whether to have a child during a time of threatened world crisis becomes about weighing the risks of the child growing up without one or both parents, or growing up in a dangerous and war-torn environment, or not growing up at all against the risk that the world will simply never be sufficiently safe. With a definite finality of "within ten years, either we have stopped Aaravos for good or the world has ended"... they might as well wait, which may or may not be bittersweet depending on how badly they want to get started.

(One thing that's interestingly vague about this setting is what/when is considered to be "adulthood." That's a number that has been pushed later and later in modern times, which is not a bad thing! However, looking at the characters themselves—Rayla is functionally a child soldier at 15, and Soren is already an officer in the Crownguard at 18, meaning he probably joined and was expected to be ready to die for his king at 16 or earlier. Callum being High Mage to Ezran makes sense, but is also literally putting a teenager in a government cabinet position. What makes all of that slightly less weird is that culturally, here in real world USAmerica and/or Canada, we have essentially added an entire new stage of non-adult life after 18, during which you are expected to figure out a career trajectory of some kind. When you remove the expectation of higher education from the question, "I have already launched my lifelong career at 16" works a little better. At that point, "I will start a family at 20-21" also sounds less insane because they've already been operating as an adult for several years.)

Anyway what I think would be really interesting about the whole question is the competing influences on both sides—Janai and Amaya explicitly get married during Karim's rebellion because she's "done putting off the good things for fear of the bad," and I think Ethari and Runaan would have a thought or two about waiting for the time to be "right" versus valuing yourselves and your family. Bringing a child into the world is obviously a bit different from getting married, but I think the "don't let the evil in the world dictate when you can seize joy" philosophy could still apply.

On the other hand, you have the personal experiences of Callum, Rayla, and Ezran with having absent parents. Callum lost his father as a young child, then his mother not long after, and was raised by his stepfather. Ezran never had a mother in his life, and lost his father, as well. One set of Rayla's parents left to defend the world and never came back. I think they'd all have some Big Feelings about those things—most obviously Rayla's parents, as the obvious closest analogue to their situation, but also like... it's at least kind of implied that Sarai and Damian had a child despite both of them knowing that he would likely not live to see that child grow up. I think it's unlikely that Callum doesn't feel Some Kind Of Way about that. Parental loss/abandonment trauma affects basically every character in this entire story, and while they all deal with it a bit differently... they all gotta deal with it.

(And of course, if you want to get extra angsty—what happens if suddenly OOPS ALL PREGNANT? What if it's in year one post-s7 versus year six post-s7? Do they keep the baby? Do they let Aaravos prevent them from keeping a child who is otherwise wanted? I feel like that's a much harder choice than whether to start trying for one.)

Rayllum, 10 babies and Xadian family planning

I’m trying to post the next chapter of Dark Alternative, but AO3 is very wonky, so you’re going to be subjected to my rambling thoughts on my new WIP for Work in Progress Wednesday.

So, over my vacation, I’ve been plagued by post-season 7 fanfic ideas. Short fics, obviously. No more than three chapters, as usual.

What’s got me intrigued right now, is how the continent of Xadia, or at least, a select group of people, will manage with living with the knowledge that Aaravos, in some form, is coming back in seven years. How would that affect politics and society, as well as the individual characters and the choices they make knowing that?

The regular folks would struggle to miss that whole eternal darkness and dead creatures thing that happened, but what do they know about exactly what went down?

And what do they know about what’s to come?

You know me, I’m a Rayllum person, so pretty much any fic of mine is a Rayllum fic, and this current idea is focused on how this particular threat affects the next stage of their lives.

Without a doubt, when we last saw Rayllum they were totally committed to each other and are fully ride or die… but how would that devotion relate to their future, in particular, the subject of children?

Now, I’m an angster in my deep dark heart, so while I’m sure many people could conceive of a fic where Rayllum are secure in their ability to defeat Aaravos come round two, that ain’t where my brain was ever going to go.

Rayllum are in love and clearly want a future together. Callum was openly planning a quaint little one in the Silvergrove before they were rudely interrupted by the whole end of the world dealio.

So, where does that leave them now (in my angsty reality anyway)?

In their youth, they both leaned into their more paranoid natures (Rayla leaving without Callum in TTM and Callum getting physical with Soren in season 4), and while they’ve both grown and matured since then, would such a threat as the world ending be enough to bring that paranoia right on back?

Which leaves me with my current fic planning conundrum.

Assuming Rayllum decided to forego the whole having kids thing until Aaravos is imprisoned again, how likely is it that they could plan when to have a family.

I’ve seen people say that the world of The Dragon Prince is in a medieval setting, and so people had children younger then, which, aside from not being the entire story, doesn’t feel like it really applies to a world with magic and dragons, a world that lacks the sexism and gender roles that are also associated with medieval times or other more grounded works set then.

Additionally, looking at canon, I think it could be reasonably argued that some form of birth control is readily available in the setting. In fact, I think it’s likely multiple forms of birth control exist in the world of The Dragon Prince.

From humans to elves, we don’t see large families normally associated with the inability to plan a family via the use of effective birth control. The “largest” family we see are the Sunfire monarchs, with three children. Viren and Lissa had two children only. Sarai may well have had more children had she lived, but Rayla’s parents spent multiple years at the Storm Spire and she remained an only child.

I can’t imagine there’s much in the way of entertainment at the Storm Spire either. Sure, they could abstain or get creative, but oof, hasn’t enough been asked of them?

Even looking at prior generations, we do not see large families. Given the closeness in ages of the siblings we know of, it also seems unlikely to me that children were lost in childbirth or to childhood illnesses.

To me, it seems far more likely that family planning is active in Xadia and would be a tool Callum and Rayla could exercise.

Clearly, no birth control is infallible (or I guess it can be, magic and all) and I assume Miyana’s twins were unplanned.

Personally, I head canon Rayla herself was an oopsie baby in order to further explain the complications of her parents being called away to join the Dragon Guard.

Where am I going with this? I don’t even know anymore.

I suppose, to me, it’s not a foregone conclusion that in seven years Rayllum would have a kid (or indeed multiple). The setting of the world doesn’t imply that it’s particularly difficult to prevent pregnancy. In fact, the small families imply to me that family planning is a cultural norm among elves and humans.

Faced with the imminent threat of Aaravos’ return, would Rayllum plan to start a family? Certainly, people put off having children for far lesser reasons.

We also don’t know how using dark magic, even in that limited capacity, has affected Callum and the potential for him to get possessed again. It was clearly enough to physically mark him, but does that go deeper?

Would imprisoning Aaravos once again result in an inevitable possession?

Not great when Dad gets taken over and abandons the family.

Or worse, Mum has to take him out.

Angsty though!

As usual, I’ll be doing my own thing in my fics, but I’m interested to see where Arc 3 goes with this (optimistically assuming we get it). There are a lot of factors at play to explain why we might see a lot of the characters in a state of stasis. Seven years isn’t that long when you’re facing the world ending, after all. Particularly when you’re likely to play a very active part in trying to stop that returning apocalypse.

So, which way to go? I see the angst potential in both.

On one hand, you’ve got the pain and desperation of protecting your kid from a returned Aaravos, or perhaps worse, a possessed Dad.

But on the other, you’ve got two people who likely want to take the next steps in their lives, but feel the pressure of a ticking bomb haunting them and potentially preventing them from moving forward.

Either way, bring on the pain.

[deadhands69]

A New End: Dust

Tomura Shigaraki x Reader

Spoilers: Kamino Ward through Overhaul's Debut Contains: gn/eventual afab reader, angst, canon typical violence, cussing, eventual smut in the series

previous - this is part 3 [series masterlist]

|\/\/\| dust |/\/\/|

A damp concrete floor meets your back. Someone's leg moves under your shoulder before another body lands square on top of you. The warp gate closes, leaving you in this dimly lit place. Everyone scrambles to extricate themselves. You’re still woozy from hitting your head and you think you might throw up. 

In the tangle of limbs, you see Shigaraki’s icy blue hair. In spite of his requests begs to stay and help, he was sent to this rundown building with the rest of you. 

“Is anyone hurt? Get off of me!” yells Twice. 

No one responds, which you take as a good sign. As soon as everyone's up and moving, you begin assessing the situation. 

The old hideout is compromised. 

You can't go back. 

Or maybe you can? Shigaraki's sensei will take care of it, right? 

The air is thick with tension as you all wait for an update, not really sure what you're expecting. Those of you who had phones on you are glued to them. 

It's live on every news site: All Might vs. All For One. Is that who Shigaraki’s master is? You've heard of him, but you can't quite place it. Your head is still pounding. 

“What's going to happen?” Shigaraki's gravelly voice echoes from across the massive warehouse. 

“I-I don't know yet.”

And that’s true. Your decisions and those of the people around you landed you all here. Your quirk always feels selfish, only showing you outcomes you will have an emotional response to. You can't say for sure what will happen to his sensei because you don't know him, but you'd be willing to guess it's not about to change the outcome for any of you. That's not something you're going to say out loud though. 

He senses your unease, probably knowing the implications but he tries to ignore it. 

Minutes later, a new headline flashes across your screens. 

That's it. 

You resign yourself to this new development faster than most of the others, there's nothing any of you can do about it right now. Dabi and Toga adjust quickly as well, you get the feeling both of them have survived a lot of massive changes in life. 

At least you're all wearing somewhat warm clothes. Still, you're glad it's summer and the cool nights aren't too harsh yet. 

Emptying your pockets, you have a phone but no charger. $14 in cash. And a key to the building none of you can safely return to. 

The others are doing the same, minus Dabi who has never seems to have more than a phone on him at any given time. 

Shigaraki is counting his hands. His fully visible face somehow looking both repulsed by them and concerned for their safety. You're not sure what to make of that. 

No one has any medications. It doesn't take your quirk to know that's a recipe for disaster in this group. There are already talks between Dabi and Magne about robbing a pharmacy. 

The shock persists over the next few hours before it's decided you should all try to get some sleep. You lay on the ground near Magne and try to get some rest. 

Instead, the silence only gives you time to overthink. This is the type of situation your boss has you around to prevent, but you couldn't predict the decisions that led here in time to do anything about them. Still, he didn't send you away. Shoving you through the gate to safety instead. In spite of his coldness, he at least cares enough to keep you alive. Or maybe he still just sees your quirk as potentially useful. Regardless of why he did it, you want to thank him, but tonight hasn't felt like the right time.

He's been uncharacteristically quiet, mostly keeping to himself all night. Now, carrying the guilt of being the reason for his master's downfall. You hear him mumbling in the small stints of sleep he does get. How he should have done better. Not gotten caught. If only he'd been there in the last moments of the fight. 

You wish there was something you could say to make him feel better. But no magical words come to mind and morning arrives quickly. 

In the light of dawn, you can see that this is an old factory that's no longer in use. While exploring, you find a bathroom to wash up in but without toiletries or fresh clothes to change into, there's no use. 

As much as you've spent your life trying not to overvalue material objects, you have to admit that you quickly find yourself missing a few things. The hoodie you got at a concert last year. The worn underwear that fit your hips just right. The ticket stub you'd been using as a bookmark for years. Books you haven't finished. Your toothbrush. Anything resembling hygiene or skin care for that matter. 

You can’t replace everything, but you’ll try to find substitutes for some of it. The group comes up with a list and nominates you and Compress to go to the store (the two least recognizable with the most useful combination of quirks for the job.)

Over the next few weeks, life begins to normalize - if you could call it that. With a few adjustments, your makeshift shelter becomes more habitable. You have some time to explore the abandoned buildings nearby. Most of the others resume recruiting new members. And the all too familiar feeling of dread overtakes you once more.

The cold, damp space has taken its toll on everyone’s health. There’s constantly someone coughing, it’s become background noise at this point. The illness has even infected your dreams, filling your half-sleepless nights with visions of a medieval plague doctor. You aren’t the only one who struggles to sleep though.

Prior to this month, you thought you’d gotten to know the league pretty well. At least, during the day. You’ve recently been finding everyone’s tiny habits and schedules are drastically different when you’re all placed in the same cavernous room together. Toga clicks her pen repeatedly while considering what to write next in her heart-covered diary. 

You’re sitting on your thin roll-up bed, trying to read a book you picked up on your last store trip. You’ve been trying to read it for a week now, making it 34 pages from having to go over every paragraph at least three times with the amount of interruptions you’ve encountered.

“Stop clicking,” Magne finally snaps, “I’m trying to *cough* sleep here.”

Everything is silent for a moment, with the exception of the water dripping from the leaky roof. You’ve come to appreciate Magne, the more you’ve gotten to know her. She’s usually pretty laid back but keeps everyone in check when needed. 

Nights are easier. Most of the league is out at night anyways, making it a bit more quiet. Compress always has somewhere important to be. Dabi never gets home before four am. Not that he makes much noise, you’ve surprisingly found him to be one of the more quiet ones.

Shigaraki resumes shuffling around the space. Lately, he’s been doing this every night instead of sleeping. Sometimes he’ll sit near you, not making conversation, just existing. You don’t mind, in spite of his prickly personality having him around is oddly comforting. Plus, as much as you’ve been trying to bury your feelings, he’s been wearing the hands less when it’s just a few of you around and you’re not about to complain about getting to see his face more often.

Like every night, Twice gives everyone who’s still awake a quick wave and flips you off before walking out the door to track down the new recruits he’s mentioned. 

“I get a bad feeling every time he leaves,” you mutter to Shigaraki, whose evening pacing brought him to your corner.

“Just a feeling?” he asks, looking more bored than concerned.

“Yeah, but -”

“I can’t do anything with a feeling. Tell me when it’s less vague,” he says before walking away.

Closing your book, you lay down, resigned. You try to focus on the sound of his steps. The resuming of Toga’s pen clicking. Magne’s echoing coughs. The sound of your own breath. Yet, you still can’t get it out of your head.

What if it’s too late?

The next afternoon, you’re sent out shopping again. This time, by yourself. Even Compress has been getting recognized more often lately, so it's up to you to gather supplies for the group. You walk around the room, collecting small scraps of paper with people’s lists on them. Compress, Spinner, and Magne are the first to finish theirs. Toga’s is bulleted with hearts. Twice scribbled a few things in writing you are still learning to make out. Dabi is curled up on one of the platforms hanging from the rafters, fast asleep. You let him rest, his list is always the same anyways: soba noodles and a bottle of aloe vera.

Taking some cash out of the stack of charred wallets Dabi left by the door when he came home this morning, you glance at Shigaraki to see if he has a list. He never does. Instead, he walks you out.

“Try to get green tea, if you can,” he says as you exit to the almost too bright road, “and ohagi, if they have it anywhere. It’s still early.”

“Yeah, I’ll look,” you say, admiring how nice he looks in the sunlight. “Anything else?”

“Nope,” he responds before turning abruptly and closing the door behind you.

With how far out of town you are, the walk takes a while. The sun is setting when you begin the return, hands now filled with shopping bags. Your fingers are raw from the handles digging into your skin. You’re about five blocks out when you realize the feeling in the pit of your stomach has been getting worse all night. That has to mean something. Quickening your pace, you break into a run.

Suddenly, your vision is clouded and there’s nothing but the plague doctor from your dreams and dust? Something worse. Every bone in your body is aching with grief. It takes all your will to not throw up. The supplies lie forgotten near your feet as you clumsily dial the numbers on your phone through your tear blurred vision. 

Shigaraki. 

Dabi. 

Twice. 

No one answers. You call Magne, only for it to go directly to voicemail without a single ring. Having already seen what that means, you fall to the sidewalk sobbing. 

It’s only September, but the cool night air sends chills across your skin. You should have worn a jacket. Even now, you should walk back to the warehouse. It’s only a few blocks to go, but you don’t have it in you to make it there. Not yet.

A while later, a shadow looms overhead. 

“Get up,” Shigaraki grumbles. “We’ve all had a long night and you need to get out of the cold.” You glare up at him. With a sigh, his shoulders drop. “Come on,” he groans, “let’s talk about it.”

Decaying the door behind you in an instant, he pulls you to your feet and pushes you through the entry. His red eyes peer into yours, waiting for you to say something. 

“I could have stopped that,” you cry, “I told you I had a bad feeling about this.”

He kicks some debris out of the way to walk further into the room.  

“I’m doing my best, but you have to actually listen to me!” you scream, knowing you’re probably taking more out on him than necessary but you can’t find a way to stop yourself. He makes no attempt to quiet you. 

“And you’re always harsher on me than everyone else, why?” you continue. You know you won’t get a satisfying answer out of him, but the words keep spilling out. “Do you hate me or something?”

“Why does it matter?” he spits back at you.

So many thoughts come to mind, most telling you to drop it. But the question still hangs unanswered, taunting you. You know he’ll continue to deflect until you have a solid logical reason.

“My quirk only works for events I have an emotional tie to, it helps to know where I stand with people. It helps me decide what’s relevant,” you say as calmly as you can manage, voice still wavering.

The silence between the two of you is thick. 

“No,” he pauses to consider his next words carefully, “I don’t hate you.”

“Could have fooled me,” you mumble. After another moment of silence, he glares at you then continues.

“I really don’t hate you. It’s - there’s something about you that makes me wish my life was different. And it pisses me off.”

“Oh?” What the fuck does that mean? “You’re here tonight though and you haven’t dusted me, so I guess I don’t piss you off too much.”

“Guess not,” he flinches before shrugging, still not looking directly at you. 

“What exactly do you mean when you say I make you wish your life was different? Did I fuck everything up for you that bad?”

“No,” he swiftly dismisses the idea, hands waving in front of him. “It’s not like that, it’s just…”

He takes a step closer to you, cheeks dusted with a blush you hadn’t noticed until now. At this distance, all you can think about is how amazing his lips look. How easy it would be to lean in and kiss him. Part of you is upset for thinking about something so trivial at a time like this until you realize he’s staring at you the same way. Your vision clouds, but only slightly. Premonitions overlap each other, softly tinting reality like double exposed film. They’re all moving too quickly to catch any of the possibilities, nothing sticks.

“Hey,” Toga’s saccharine sweet voice cuts through the air, “we just came to, uhm, check on you.”

Twice jumps in without thinking, “We heard you arguing from down the street then it got too quiet,” before abruptly adding, “is [y/n] okay??”

Shigaraki groans. “Why does everyone think I’m going to- ugh fucking nevermind,” his fists tightly grip the sleeves of his jacket, sans thumb, as he turns and walks out the door. Quickly, you all follow, finding him pacing on the sidewalk while feverishly scratching his neck. 

Toga and Twice are happy to carry the groceries back while you trail behind.

The back of Shigaraki’s hand bumps your wrist, drawing your attention.

“I wouldn’t do that,” he mumbles under his breath, “just so you know.” It takes a moment to remember what he’s referring to. He has his fingers wrapped in his jacket, hands tucked close to him. For the first time, he looks almost uncomfortable with his quirk.

Suddenly, you realize what he meant when he said you make him wish his life could be different.

a new end masterlist - bnha masterlist

Taglist: @tomuratoucher

[simonskitty]

cw: mentions of religion, self punishment, daddy issues (reader), and age gap (legal!)

john price starts going to church, and meets a pretty little thing like you to comfort :( i wanna write more of this because it ends sorta abruptly :3

After retirement, John Price began attending church in an effort to bring his life back to a more tranquil state, heal from past trauma, and escape the sinful thoughts and surroundings he had spent nearly his entire life in.

Surprisingly, things begin to improve. He feels more—holy, if you will. The pastor does not appear to be a total jackass, and he has even begun putting a small portion of his money to the tin tray when it is his turn. Basically, things are getting better.

Until he sees you for the first time and all of his newfound principles are thrown out the window. It's not like you're just any ordinary person attending church to grow closer to God or to recover from traumatic events that have left you damaged, like other visitors to Jesus' sacred sanctuary. You are the pastor's daughter. You attend church every Sunday and occasionally on Wednesday nights, whether you're religious or not, and eventually you run into John.

You two have a friendly meeting at first, you introducing yourself, informing him that your the pastors daughter. Though, you didn’t tell him that took on major responsibilities that you didn’t even know you could handle. That you were obligated to come to a place where you didn’t feel anything in your heart for. A conversation that you and your father had many times before that always ended in tears and a scratchy voice that needed chai spice tea to soothe before the night ended. So, the conversation ended at that.

That was until John overheard a conversation, or perhaps it was an argument between none other than you and your father, something that happened more frequently than when you were his good little girl that he used to tuck into bed with a kiss to the forehead.

And, as any decent human being would, John consoled you as you left the church's wooden doors that afternoon. Face still damp from tears, which inevitably fall when things like this happen. It began with a hug, warm and deep, like the fatherly love you had longed for years. Then, a trip to the downtown ice cream parlor, which your father used to take you to. Watching the sunset as you lapped your vanilla cone with a small bit of delight on your lips. And John found out that he liked that look on your face, and knowing that he made it happen made it all the more enjoyable to witness.

The feeling of a calloused thumb, grazing your bottom lip. John with a small smile of his own on his lips. “Got some ice cream on ya lips, love.” It’s low, and gravelly, his voice. Like he had done years of professional yelling all his life, which he probably had, considering his past profession. It’s like your heart was heavy, but in a good way. Like this man, though same age and the same wrinkles near his eyes has your father—the man that had made you cry more than laugh—was making your body warm and fuzzy. The feeling when your feet are cold as hell and your finally get to wrap them up in a blanket.

However, when you got home that evening, you experienced the identical emotion you had with your father—just a different man was to blame. Then followed the regretful thoughts. Maybe you shouldn’t have kissed John in the car. He was probably just doing something good because you were all sad—anyone would, wouldn’t they? You felt so fucking good while doing it, and you hated yourself for that fact. That you enjoyed the feeling of man’s lips on yours. And, before you got married? God, that had to be a sin, right?

Whatever thoughts that your father has put into your brain—even years ago when you were a mere child, doing something naughty like screaming to stay up late that night, just a a little bit after your bedtime—were still implanted safe and sound. That when you did something bad it was the devil’s work, that you needed Jesus. And before you knew it, your great grandmothers holy oil was being drawn into your forehead, the shape of the cross.

Punishing yourself had to be the only rightful option to do, for committing such cruelty while being just miles down the road of the home of God himself.

Did John feel it too? Could he feel the immense amount of remorse as you? Or did he decide from right then and there—when the words “We can’t,” fell from his lips, that it was a mistake. That you screwed something up again, with a man that was just trying to do a good deed?

John himself felt guilt, reasons separate from yours. Kissing a girl, someone so innocent and much younger than himself, was wrong. It was morally wrong in every way, especially a girl who followed the book of God. That didn’t keep him from enjoying it, and the nasty things he began to imagine—trying but failing to ignore—consumed him.

He’d just have to indulge from a far.

© simonskitty