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DebitMyData Custom Logo and Facial Recognition Monetizes NFTs
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DebitMyData's Custom Logo and Facial Recognition system creates a win-win situation for both NFT owners and advertisers. Imagine being able to sell ad space on your face or clothing and earn profits from it. With DebitMyData, this becomes a reality. Advertisers gain access to a highly engaged and targeted audience, while you have the opportunity to effortlessly earn money by displaying logos or utilizing facial recognition. It's a game-changer that flips the script on traditional data monetization models.
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Get ready to take your NFTs to the next level with DebitMyData's innovative technology! Our custom logo and facial recognition features make it easy to monetize your NFTs and protect your digital assets. Join the NFT revolution and learn more about DebitMyData today.
Introducing DebitMyData Custom Logo and Facial Recognition technology, the revolutionary way to monetize your NFTs. With our cutting-edge system, you can protect your digital assets and earn income through unique facial recognition features. Say goodbye to unauthorized use and hello to profitable NFTs with DebitMyData!
Introducing DebitMyData, the revolutionary company that combines custom logos and facial recognition technology to monetize NFTs. Learn more about how this groundbreaking platform is changing the game for digital creators and NFT collectors. Don't miss out on this futuristic way to make money with your NFTs! #NFT #DebitMyData #FacialRecognition
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đŹ DebitMyData Custom Logo and Facial Recognition Monetizes NFTs
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Cryptocurrency forecast
What are the most promising cryptocurrencies in 2023? Many financial analysts call Tezos - XTZ , ALGO , SOL ( Solana ), and Cardano.Classic of the genre - bitcoin is also not going anywhere)
Popular Cryptocurrency Exchanges :
Huobi-link here
Bybit-link here
Yobit-link
#bitcoin#ALGO#SOL#solana#cardano#Cryptocurrency Exchanges#crypto#cryptocurrencies#BTC#cryptocurrency news latest#bitcoin news#yobit#binance#bybit#huobi#huobi global#Cryptocurrency forecast#crypto predictions#crypto forecast#Crypto 2023
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Solana Price Prediction: What Could SOL Look Like by 2025?
With Solana (SOL) price making serious moves in the sol market, everyoneâs wonderingâwhatâs next for this fast-growing blockchain? After some ups and downs, Solanaâs seen a solid comeback this year, and experts are starting to predict some major price action by 2025.
Hereâs what some analysts are saying about Solanaâs future.
$250 to $300 Range: Many are optimistic, with Solana potentially reaching $250 to $300 by the end of 2025.
$500 Target (Bullish Scenario): If SOL price continues to scale up its DeFi, NFT, and Web3 ecosystems, some believe SOL could even hit the $500 mark in a bullish scenario. $100 (Bearish Scenario): On the flip side, if Solana faces competition from other chains or struggles with scaling issues, a more conservative prediction puts Solana at around $100 by 2025. Stay tuned for more updates.
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Crypto Jackpot: Small Investment, 1.6 ETH and Huge Profit of $1.77 Million!
Recently a big jackpot was seen in the cryptocurrency market. A cryptocurrency trader investing in cryptocurrency turned a small amount of cryptocurrency into huge profits. With only 1.6 ETH (worth approximately $3,694), he made 770 ETH, which is approximately $1.77 million, in just 12 minutes. His incredible success and huge profits in a short period of time have astonished the crypto communityâŚ
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BTC ETH BNB SOL XRP Weekly Forecast
In the past five weeks, major currencies have shown a slight fluctuation trend, with the exception of BNB, which is basically in a downward trend. The crypto market lacks obvious hot information. This week, the price of Bitcoin has further declined, currently around $41,500, and the prices of other mainstream currencies have also reached a critical price point. This article will study theâŚ
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#Binance coin#bitcoin#bitcoin update#coin#Cryptocurrencies#Ethereum#Price prediction#Ripple#solana#weekly forecast
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looking through your eyes + twenty two
authors note: this one may leave people a bit confused by certain things.....that's intentional.
cw/tw:Â fluff, angst, and smut
song inspo: âlooking through your eyesâ by leann rimes
masterlist +story playlist + taglist request form
words: 9k
âNu uh!â
âUh huh!â
âNu uh!â
âUh huh!â
âGirls.â To his credit, Roman does his best to not interfere or get involved in the midst of his girls arguing. He prefers letting them work it out among themselves, and they typically do. But, there are times, like this, where he just doesnât have it in him to listen to their bickering. âStop arguing.â
Lina is the expected one to protest, and she doesnât disappoint or prove his prediction wrong. âBut, daddyââ
âLina, be nice to your sister.â He looks over at his other twin daughter. âLeya, you have to share.â
The quieter of the two looks less than pleased at his instruction and is clearly in one of her few talkative moods, protesting like her sister, âBut, itâs mine, daddy.â
âItâs gonna be mine if yaâll donât stop fighting.â Rarely does he have to be strict with them, but theyâve both been on one all day, and Roman is going off barely four hours of sleep because their baby brother decided to make it one of those nights for his parents. âIâm not gonâ tell yaâll again.â
A shared set of downward gazes followed by another shared âyes, sirâ leads to them both switching their attention from the tablet to one of their playthings in the backyard.Â
Roman runs his hand over his face as the backdoor opens, revealing Solanaâs smiling but tired face. Sheâs operating off just as many fumes as she is.
âHe finally go down?â She nods at his question, moving to sit on his lap, Roman wrapping his arms around her.Â
âEventually.â She chuckles, placing her phone on the rattan chair next to them, Roman seeing the footage of the nursery showing their son sleeping. Finally. âCould be worse. Remember when we had to do it with the both of them?â
Roman offers a small smile. He certainly does. âHe takes after his sisters.â
Solanaâs smile dims a bit as she caresses his cheek. âYou should go try to take a nap. I can watch them.â
Thatâs an immediate no. âIâm fine.â A default answer for him. He gestures to the now laughing twins, explaining, âespecially since they seem to be in one of their moods.â
Solana frowns and then rolls her eyes. âWonder where they get that from?â Giggling, Solana kisses his cheek and again tries to convince him to do what heâs absolutely not going to do. âSeriously, Ro, I can handle it. They tend to get like that sometimes when youâre out of town anyway.â
At that, he looks over at her. âReally?â She nods. âYou want me to talk to them?â Cause as much as he loves his girls, he has never and will never put up with them disrespecting their mother. That will always be where he draws the line.
With anyone.Â
Solana shakes her head and instead moves to settle her head in the crook of his neck. âLet them just be kids.â Roman grows quiet, picking up on the underlying meaning to her statement. An agreement they both made with each other during her first pregnancy. Â
That they would give their kids the childhood they never had.
âTheyâre happy, baby.â Years of being together has allowed both husband and wife to practically learn and know each other like the back of their hand, which is why Solana is so easily able to hear Romanâs unspoken concerns. âWe all are.â
Her words, like her mere presence and everything else about her, are comforting to Roman. He holds her a little tighter, lips gazing over her temple.Â
Solana, however, overhears the return of the argument between their twins, the sixth or seventh time this morning alone. And right as Roman goes to handle it, she shakes her head. âIâve got it.âÂ
Watching her walk away, Roman allows his gaze to linger on her a little longer. One thing for certain, two things for sure, Solana only gets finer with age. Three kids later, her already curvy body has filled out even more, giving him all the temptation and stripping him of all resolve whenever she tells him sheâs ready for another baby.
Heâs just counting the days for that request, already accepting the fact that itâll only be a matter of time before sheâs showing him the next sonogram.Â
Itâs just a continuation of his inability to ever deny her of anything she wants.Â
Roman grabs his phone, hearing it vibrate. Most likely an update fromâ
âRoman!âÂ
The phone is dropped, and Roman has never moved so quickly, shot up so fast as he sprints off in the direction where Solana went only to find thereâs a vacant space, yard void of any and all items, play equipment, greenery, even the pool.Â
What remains is the girls sitting on their knees, on the dirt, a piece of clothing between the two of them, but itâs the red dampness of the clothing that makes his heart stop. That makes Roman go dangerously still.
Blood.Â
Itâs blood.Â
Dropping to his knees, the girls are on either side of him, his voice is eerily calm as he asks, âwhere is she?â Unlike his tone, Roman is anything but calm. Every single vile, evil, violent thought is crossing his mind at just the thought of someone daring to hurt his wife.
To take her.
Leya sniffles to the left of him. âYou have to save her, daddy.â His head snaps to her, confused by her words, confused by the fact that heâs not freaking out more, by the fact that he just somehow knows that Solana has been taken. âShe wonât have much time.â
âMommy can only fight with us for so long.â His attention switches to Lina, her comment leaving him just as perplexed as her twin. âYouâre gonna have to trust them, daddy.â
âWhat?â He breathes. The weight on his chest is intensifying by the fucking second. âI donâtââ
âItâs the only way to save her.â Leyah reaches for his arm, her little mouth formed into a frown. âTheyâre gonna kill her if you donât.â
His chest nearly explodes at that one word.
Kill
But, it's when the next statement that leaves their mouths, at the same time, that does him over.
âAnd theyâre gonna kill us too.â
Roman shoots up from the bed, half expecting to find Solana startled awake by his sudden movement, only for him to snap his head to the right to see the normal rise and fall of her body as she continues to sleep. Peaceful. Content.Â
Alive.
Roman shuts his eyes and runs his hand through his wavy hair. What the fuck was that?
Taking advantage of the fact that sheâs still asleep, Roman is careful with how he peels the blankets off of him. He grabs his phone off the nightstand and makes his way out the room. Down the hall and descending the steps, Roman finds placement outside on the patio, away from it all so he can try to make sense of what just occurred.
The dreams of what feels like some type of alternative reality have become the norm for him. He has them at least a couple times a week, and while heâs still not sure what to make of them, they havenât really bothered him. Until now.
Because how can a dreamâturnedânightmare in which his wife is taken and possibly worse not bother him? Not to mention the strange, almost foreboding warning of his fictional children.
Trust? Roman doesnât do trust. Shit like that gets people killed in his world.
It has gotten people killed in his world.Â
But despite the heaviness of the latter half of the dream, there is one thing that Roman picked up on. That he has this weird almost sentimental reaction to.
Lina.
Leya.Â
This is the first time in any of the dreams that names for the girls were used.Â
Thereâs a strange sense of contentment he feels at the thought of it, a sense of clarity provided at no longer dreaming about two nameless children but two children, named and identified.Â
Lina and Leya
Pretty names. Roman can admit that, but they feelâŚ..shortened. Like thatâs only part of their names. Nicknames.Â
It makes him wonder what the full names are.
And before Roman realizes it, heâs grabbing his phone and opening up the notes app.
Lina Reigns
Leya Reigns
Heâs not sure why heâs writing them down. He just knows that he wants to.
âRoman?â
Solana stands before him in one of his shirts, arms crossed over her body, a worried expression on her face.Â
She doesnât wait for the usual invite, for Romanâs long arms to extend and settle her on top of his lap. She does that all on her own. Brown eyes searching his face, she pushes back some of his hair. âBaby, whatâs wrong?â
His answer is more default than anything, not an intentional deflection but still one nonetheless. âNothing. JustâŚ.canât sleep.â
âBullshit.â Solana cussing is such a new experience for him, Roman having to fight back a small smile at how innocent the profanity sounds leaving her mouth. Like itâs too lewd for someone so innocent to be stating. âTalk to me.â She shifts on his lap, asking in a gentle tone, âwas it a bad dream?â
Bad is an understatement, but heâs not too keen on letting her know the depth of what it included. Nor does he necessarily want to reflect on it. âSomething like that.â
âRomanâŚ..â And right away, without her even needing to say it, he knows. Knows what she doesnât need to say.
Heâs not entirely ready to tell her the extent of these dreams, so heâs intentional with leaving out the not so little fact that it includes them having children and focuses on a part of this latest one. âIt was about you.â
She looks taken back by that but still encourages him to continue, her fingers now moving to massage his scalp. âGo on.â But heâs certain that itâs when he looks away, when he focuses on the dark, almost obsidian night sky that obscures the forestry surrounding the house, he knows that she knows. âOhâŚ.â
âYeah.â Roman doesn't know what else to say. Doesnât want to say anything else. He doesnât even really want to fucking talk about this, wants to forget the damn âdreamâ ever happened, wants to just go back to bed and try to get some fucking sleep.
But, that would be too easy, and rarely in his life are things ever easy.
âRoman, look at me.â Solanaâs soft, caring tone pulls him from pessimistic cognitions. âNothingâs going to happen to me, Ro,â she whispers, bringing her hand to his bearded chin, forcing his unsettled gaze on her. âI promise.â
He wishes that her words provided more comfort. Thereâs some level, just not a lot, because Roman has had his fair share of nightmares over the years. Most from after that night. SomeâŚ..some before. Some heâs never once spoken about and never plans to. TooâŚ..too many bad, difficult, unmanageable emotions attached to them.Â
âYouâre thinking a lot,â she whispers. The way sheâs learned to read him so well feels almost too impossible to be true. Heâs always prided himself on being an enigma, but with her? His inscrutable disposition melts away into something transparent and lucid.
He chuckles, but itâs void of any emotion. âIâm always thinking, Sol.â Always thinking. Always planning. Always strategizing. Just always in a state of always.
Solana shakes her head, gently protesting. âNot with me. I donâtâŚ.I donât want you to think when youâre with meâŚ.justâŚ..just be.â
Be.
Roman is unsure if he even knows what that is anymore.Â
If he ever did in the first place.
And he admits as such. âI donâtâŚ.I donât know how to do that.â A strange, uncharacteristic admission from the man who always has everything together. Because he has to. Because heâs never been granted the space to not have to.Â
Solana ghosts her lips over his forehead, his eyes shutting as he holds her a little tighter. âThen weâll learn together.â
________
Roman has a high sex drive. This is something Solana has always heard through the grapevine, amongâŚ..other things. But, her finding out about his sex drive is something sheâs experienced herself. Is currently experiencing.
His large, strong hands remain placed and seated on her back, exploring her soft skin that has a soft sheen of sweat thatâs built up from the exertion of her body. Her thighs ache a bit as does that sensitive space between her legs, both from the current stretch of him inside her as well as not being entirely recovered from their passionate lovemaking session just hours prior.
Truthfully, Solana hasnât a clue just how sheâs ended up engaged in intimacy yet again, possibly him needing a distraction of sort form his dream. But Roman occasionally sliding his hands to her hips, guiding her up and down, back and forth on his impressive length seems to be just enough, more than enough, to keep her hands on his shoulders, her fingers pressing into his skin, her teeth gnawing into her bottom lip to keep her from alerting his aunt and cousin just what theyâre doing this fine early morning.
But, itâs that thought that has her trying to express said concern, to share the slight level of guilt she feels at doing this under his auntâs roof. It feels almostâŚ.disrespectful? And maybe thatâs too strong of a word. Regardless, she just has a feeling about it.Â
âRomanâŚ..â Solana hates that his name on her lips is more carnal than anything, a moan, essentially. Far from what she needs. Still, she pushes through. âWeâwe canâtââ
His deep chuckle under her followed by another slight lift of her body as he continues to fill her, physically and figuratively, âcanât what?â
Damn. Itâs so hard to resist the devil when he makes the sin feel this good. âThâthis.â Sheâs not sure sheâs even making any sense right now. âItâsâdisrespâshit.â Roman is forever adroit, knowing just what to do and how to do it, because one minute heâs licking his bottom lip, the next minute his mouth is latched onto her breast, sucking on her areola in a way that makes it exponentially more difficult to not scream her pleasure from here to kingdom come.
âRoâŚ.â Her hand shifts to the back of his head, his soft, wave locks intertwined in her fingers as Solana manages to keep her steady pace rocking atop of him. Heâs so deep inside of her, reaching her stomach it damn near feels like. âOh my god.â Head thrown back from the erotic of it all, a deep chuckle leaves his talented mouth as he detaches and switches to kissing along the swell of her heavy breast.
âYou really wanna deny me this?â His voice is both teasing and curious, hands massaging her sides, gently helping her continue to ride him. âCould watch you and this beautiful body ride me for the rest of fucking timeâŚ.â
Solana seems to hone in on two words. Beautiful body. She still somewhat struggles to wrap her head around just how a man who looks like Roman could be so enamored with her physically. Even with all the scars, the cellulite, the stretch marks, the fat, he looks at her like sheâs the most beautiful thing heâs ever seen.
He makes her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Itâs overwhelming and fills her with so much love, Solana bringing her hands to his bearded face for a sensual kiss to express that love and adoration.
Kissing Roman is also moving its way up her list of favorite things to do. A list that almost entirely includes him, because as much as he indicates and even shares how he canât get enough of her, she feels the absolute same way about him.
Roman deepens the kiss, Solana loving the feel of their chests pressed together, how he almost protectively clutches her close to him. They hold onto each other almost, so deeply entwined, two troubled souls who somehow found each other in the midst of chaos and sorrow. A joint healing of sorts.
Not even half an hour later, both having found their release, Solana lays on his chest, her fingers tracing the intricate patterns of the tattoos thatâs etched onto his chest, one of her favorite things to do when theyâre together like this. She loves everything about Roman, his body included, but his tattoos hold a special place for her. She knows itâs part of his cultural background, but a large part of her would guess that the placement was intentional. The ink on his arms to help shield bad memories, a night of unfathomable loss and trauma.
She knows what thatâs like. Knows what itâs like to carry around those scars. Another area where they can relate, shared loss that they can find comfort for, in each other.
Eager for her spent body to be one with his, she moves even closer, a small smile on her face when he tugs her nearer and kisses the top of her head. His affection with her always adds yet another layer of safety and protection she feels with him.
Feelings she hasnât had in forever. If ever.
âI wanna ask you something, but if itâs triggering for you, then we dead it, okay?â Solana is obviously taken back by his statement, and while thereâs a small chunk of her nervous about what heâs about to ask, she doesnât want to shut him down.
Eyes focused on the window beside the bed that unveils the rising sun and subsequent kaleidoscope of dawn colors that paint the sky, she answers, âokay.â
âHow were you mentally on our wedding day?â
Solana frowns. Thatâs the last question she expected to leave his mouth, but the more she thinks about it, thinks about the worksheets Gail had told her she showed Roman, Solana can almost bet she recalls one of those questions asking about the last time she felt suicidal prior to her attempt.
And sheâd answered honestly.
On her wedding day.
Something sheâs almost certain he knows and is referring to. In a slightly indirect way. To avoid being tooâŚâŚraw. âRomanââ She doesnât quite know how to address this, how to explain it in a way that makes sense to him but is also not too heavy for her. âIâthere was justâŚ.there was a lot going on.â
âBecause of me.â Her eyes shut. She hates the tone of his voice. Low and subdued. Like he feels guilty about something, like he did something wrong. âBecause I sped everything up without actually giving you time toâŚ.â Roman takes a deep breath, and she opens her eyes to look up at him. âIf I had knownââ
Solana sits up and brings her hand to his face. âButâbut you didnâtââ She wets her lips, hating that he seems to feel somehow responsible for years worth of trauma that brought her to that place mentally. Not him. âIâI struggled for years with those thoughts, and it was justâŚ..it was a combination of things. I was scared and confused, but mostly because of the plan and what they wanted me to do. I hadnât eaten in days. I justâŚ..it wasnât your fault.â She kisses him, lips hovering over his as she whispers, âat the timeâŚ.it felt like the saddest day of my life, butâit was the best, Roman. I got youâŚ.and thatâs all I need.â She moves to lay on top of him, burying her head in the crook of his neck. âTe amo, mi amor.â
He still sounds guilty. "But, it's not the wedding you deserved."
"I don't care about that, baby." She moves her hand to his arm, gently massaging up and down his bicep. âRoman, I donâtâI donât want you worrying about me. Iâm better, not all the way, but Iâm safe, and I want you to focus on you.â And she means that with everything in her. He puts so much into everything else. Itâs beyond time he shifts some of that focus onto himself.Â
âSolanaââ
âI mean it,â she cuts him off, a hint of determination and borderline assertiveness present, something that takes them both by surprise. Truly. âHealing isâŚhard work, but itâsâŚ.itâs worth it. And you deserve it just as much as I do.â A thought crosses her mind, prompting her to share it with him. âPhotography.â
He looks skeptical. âWhat about it?â
âI want you to start doing it more. Youâre good at it, and itâŚ..you looked happy doing it.â Because he is. Because thereâs so many things that Roman is good at that he has to do. She wants him to have something that he gets to do.
âI was happy because I was with you,â he corrects. Itâs kind but also not entirely true.
âIt was more than that, Ro,â she counters softly. âIf you wantâŚ.youâŚ.you can take pictures of me.â In taking and sharing occasional selfies of herself while away from Roman, that discomfort has waned ever so slightly with having her picture taken. Enough to have her willing to be his muse, if that's what it takes.
Roman chuckles underneath her, his hand on the small of her back. âYou know I canât say no to you, right?â Solana giggles, pleased mostly at his less solemn tone, at his agreement, at what type of relief it could provide to him. Even if they both know itâs something that obviously canât happen until sheâs done with treatment. Regardless, itâs something, and thatâs all that matters.
But, itâs when Solana settles back on top of him, head on his chest that she feels it. Feels his semi-hardened length against her, prompting her to gasp.
They justâŚ.
Confused, she looks at him, brows furrowed. âHow are youâŚâŚdoâdo you have an addiction?â
Romanâs laugh is deep and makes her smile. A rarity but one she hopes to one day to increase the frequency of. âTo sex? Shit, maybe.â Sheâd say definitely given the fact that theyâve already gone three rounds, and yet heâs still looking at her like that. âTo you?â Solanaâs breath is sharp as he carefully switches their position so that heâs hovering over her. âAbsolutely.â
âRomanâŚ.â His mouth is already on the move, trailing down and in between the valley of her breast. âIâmâIâm sore.â And this time, itâs to the point where she canât afford to bypass it, to push past it, even if thereâs a small part of her that isnât entirely opposed. That feels an almostâŚ..excitement at being with him again in that way.
Even if it will be the fourth time in less than 24hrs. Not even 12.Â
âI know.â And yet as he continues downward, Solana realizes he already knows this and is well aware of this fact. Hence him desiring an equally desirable alternative. âBut, itâs like you said, babyâŚ.â She moans when he braces his big hands on her hips, his mouth kissing her inner thighs, thick fingers separating her swollen, tender lower lips. âIâm addicted.â
________
By the time Solana convinces Roman that they canât spend the rest of the day locked in his bedroom, thrusted in the throes of sweet intimacy, itâs nearing 11am, and Fetu and Ava have already consumed their breakfast, discussing what theyâll have for lunch.Â
Solana walks in first, wearing a warm smile aimed toward the two women, one of which sheâs now seeing for the first time.
Ava stands up from the kitchen table and walks over with a small smirk. âMy cousin finally got off you, huh?â
Roman rolls his eyes, muttering, âfuck off, Ava.â
Solana blushes. Ava is tall, only a few inches shorter than Roman with a thin build but soft curves. Her onyx black hair is shoulder length, and her smile and brown eyes give away her kinship to Roman. Even Fetu. They all look related.Â
âItâsâumm, nice to meet you.â Solana is taken back a bit when Ava hugs her. Itâs so interesting to her how the women in Romanâs family are so physically affectionate. It seems almost ironic given just who their family is. The way the word Bloodline strikes fear in the hearts of even the strongest. âIâm Solââ
âSolana,â Ava laughs, stepping back. âI know. Heard a lot about you, and like I said last night, Iâm sorry you got stuck marrying big ears over here.â
Roman is quick with it, retorting back before he downs the coffee he just brewed, ânot as big as that big ass forehead.â
âChildren. Literal children.â Fetu shakes her head, looking over at Solana. âDo you see what I have to deal with? Why I need you Solana?â She gestures with her thumb, âif this damn disease doesnât kill me first, Dopey and Tyra Banks over here damn sure will.â
At that, both Roman and Ava look slightly irritated. âDonât talk like that, Uso o le tinÄ.â She glares at Roman, lifting up her middle finger to flip him off. âWho else is going to keep me from killing our Tribal Chief?â
Roman scoffs, big shoulders lifting as he shakes his head. He sounds and looks so amused at just the thought of it. âYou can certainly try.â
Ava sucks her teeth, angling her body towards him. âDonât tempt me, asshole.â
Roman smirks, looking at her over his mug. âYou know I love a good fight.â
âIâm about to kill both of you if you donât shut the hell up!â Fetu snaps, Solana looking over to see sheâs holding her slipper in her hand. âEmbarrassing me in front of my friend, sweet Solana.â
âItâsâitâs okay,â Solana cuts in, unable to contain her smile. Sheâs not used to seeing Roman like this, soâŚ..relaxed, almostâŚ..almost like heâs at peace. She likes it.
She likes it a lot.Â
âIt is not.â Fetu drops her slipper back on the ground, shaking her head. âSince both of you have so much to say and clearly energy to expel, you can handle the wood in the back that needs to be chopped up?â Solanaâs confusion must be evident as Fetu gestures to the living room. âWood burning fireplace. I donât like that new shit.â
âYou mean the safest shit?â Roman mutters.Â
Ava shakes her head, whispering to Solana. âOur aunt can be a littleâŚâŚold fashioned.â Solana says nothing, seeing no issue. With everything sheâs been through, she truly deserves whatever she wants, in Solanaâs opinion. âRomanâs been trying to convince her to let him replace it with an electric one for years.â
âAnd my answer will keep being no!â Fetu calls out, clearly eavesdropping. âNow, I mean it, I want that wood chopped. Both of you.â
Roman scowls. âI donât need her help.â
Ava glares in his direction. âAnd I donât need help from Samoan He-Man over here.â
âIâI thought you guys actually liked each other?â Solana intended to keep that in her head, but it somehow bypassed her speech defenses. Immediately, she feels bad, going the recompense route. âI didnât meanââ
âThey do,â Fetu answers, sharing. âIt depends on the day. Today is just clearly not one of those days.â She plasters on a sickeningly sweet smile. âNow get to it, before I embarrass both of you.â
Itâs slightly comical to Solana how both people, formidable in their own right, fold so easily at the direction of this older woman. Solana goes to fix her late breakfast along with Roman, the two sharing it at the table along with Ava and Fetu until it's time for them to depart and get started on their joint task.Â
That leaves Solana with Fetu, a wonderful arrangement because it allows her time to get to know the woman who means so much to Roman better.
And that is done in a way Solana didn't expect, because she ends up in Fetuâs room, a large bin that Solana pulled from her closet exposing a world of welcomed surprises.Â
Solana is overcome with an abundance of photos, a mixture of dated polaroids' and the type of photos one got developed at a kiosk or drugstore back in the day. Sheâd like to say that theyâre photos of smiling, happy faces, but that would be a lie. Many of them are clearly of people taken off guard by a camera in their face.Â
One in particular captures her attention, Solana reaching for the polaroid that shows a tall, handsome man. Sharp facial features with an almost stoic expression. Familiar. Very familiar.Â
âIs thisâŚ..â
Fetu chuckles, nodding, âit is.â Thereâs a sadness both in her gaze as well as her voice. âHe looks so much like himâŚ.â
Solana swallows. She agrees. Roman shares a striking resemblance with his father. It makes her wonder if they have similar personalities as well, but another photo steals her focus. A tiny gasp leaves her mouth as a small smile grows. âThatâsââ
Fetu also laughs, nodding and reaching for the photo, handing it to Solana. âYou can tell by the big ears.â Solana giggles, holding the photo and staring with borderline amazement at Roman when he was a boy. He couldnât have been more than 6 or 7 years old, so young, so innocent looking, but she knows better. Knows that his smile in the photo was probably short lived.Â
âI had taken him and the twins to the water park. They had so much fun that day.â One glance at Fetu, and Solana can see sheâs reflecting back and mentally reliving that day. âI did my best to give him as much of a normal childhood as possible.â
Solana is quiet, her own sadness seeping in at the depressing reality that as much as she didnât have much of a childhood, neither did he.
He never stood a chance.Â
âLook at this one.â Fetu reaches her another photo. Itâs Roman, but it doesnât look like him. Itâs of him as a child, looking far too serious for a boy no more than 8 or 9 yearsâold.
Studying the photo a bit more, Solana shares with all honesty, âhe looksâŚ..little?â
Fetu laughs. âBecause he was.â Solana gasps quietly, as the woman explains. âBelieve it or not, that big, strong husband of yours was the runt of his siblings. He was small for his age, and it always bothered him.â Solana has a hard time conceptualizing any part of roman being small. Fetu's lips slip into a small, forlorn smile. âI always knew he would be something special. I justâI wish it could have happened differently.â
Solana says nothing, already knowing what sheâs referring to. What she doesnât need to say. âHeâsâŚ..heâs a good man.â
âHeâs a better man with you.â Fetu places a comforting hand on Solanaâs knee. âYou are good for him, child, and I think heâs good for you too.â
âHeâs the best,â Solana murmurs, emotion building at just the thought of the man whoâs completely changed her life around. For the better. âHeâsâheâs everything to me.â
And even that is putting it lightly, fails to fully encapsulate just what Roman means to her. What he is to her.Â
Fetuâs grin shifts into something appreciative. âYou knowâŚ.I always prayed he would find someone before I closed my eyes. Someone he could love and who would love him back the way he deserves. The way anyone deserves.â Solanaâs stomach coils a bit, a strange foreboding sense coming over her. âYouâve given this old woman a tremendous amount of peace, and for that, Solana, I cannot thank you enough.â
Itâs been relatively easy to pick up on how close Roman is to his aunt, largely due to his own vulnerable worlds. Sheâs the closest thing he has left of a mother, and the thought of her no longer being hereâŚ.
No.
Roman canât lose anyone else.
Especially Fetu.
âSolana.â Pulled from her thoughts, Solana looks down to see that Fetu has moved their hands so that Solanaâs palm is outstretched. âI need you to do something for me, but I need it to stay between us for now.â
And just like that, goosebumps sprout all across her arms. âYouâyou donât want me to tell Roman?â
Fetu shakes her head, Solana looking down when she places a white, sealed envelope in her hand. âI need you to give this to him when the time is right.â
Questions. Solana is full of them. What is contained within this envelope, and why is Fetu giving it to her and not Roman? And why canât he know? Just so many questions, but for some reason, Solana can only settle on one to ask.
âHowâhow will I know when the time is right?â
Thereâs despondency in the older womanâs eyes that contrasts her smile. âYou will.â
Something about this rubs Solana the wrong way, and not in a bad manner, per se. Just something very heavy. Very sad. âFetu, whatââ
âEnough of all this sentimental shit.â Fetu clears her throat and wipes at her eyes, changing subjects as she goes on about something Solana can only partially pay attention to. Thereâs a bit of envy there. Envy at how she can carry on like nothing just happened.Â
If only Solana could do the same.
________
The conversation with Fetu is something that weighs heavy on her chest, something she wants to inquire more about from her husbandâs aunt but knows wonât give her the answers sheâs looking for. Itâs why the younger woman is grateful for a brief respite, one that she hopes will serve as a much needed distraction.
Solana settles herself onto the chair outside, looking over her shoulder to make sure the door is closed.Â
She props the phone up against the back of the chair and adjusts her top just as the screen fills with smiling faces.
âSolana!â She smiles at Mickieâs excited greeting. âOh my god, I told them he didnât kidnap you!â
Solana giggles and shakes her head, frowning a bit as she explains, âno, IâmâIâm sorry. WeâŚ.we had to leave suddenly.â Thatâs a nice way to put it. To refer to the way that Roman escorted and signed her out of the facility without her having a chance to explain to her newfound friends what was going on.
And unlike herself, Mickie, Cam, and Melina donât have mafia head husbands who are allowed to break and stretch the rules for her the way Roman does. So they donât have their phones at all times with unlimited and unmonitored usage.Â
Itâs why Solana has made the active effort to break away and call them during the slot of time she knows theyâre allowed phone time.
Melina moves into the frame of the phone camera asking, âare you okay?â
An easy answer. âI am now.â Because had they asked just slightly over twenty-four hours ago, her answer would have been very different. âJust needed to handle something, but Iâll be back sometime tomorrow afternoon.â Roman shared they would have to get on the road tomorrow morning, something she could tell he wasnât happy about. He clearly enjoys being here. Enjoys the freedom here. Itâs a palpable thing, and she loves it. She loves seeing how at peace he seems in this safe space.
âGood,â Melina nods, clearly pleased by this. She smirks, âwe miss you.â
Cam scoots closer so she can share, âitâs boring without our residential artsy bae.â
Mickie gasps, snatching the phone, sharing with an excited tone, âAnd Paxley had a total breakdown, ripped the head off her dolls and everything. Apparently her girlfriend broke up with her.â Itâs clear sheâs trying to hold back an amused smile. âIt was actually kind of funny.â
Cam sucks her teeth and shoves the woman next to her. âMickie, please.â She directs her focus back to Solana, adding, âDr. S had to have her sedated and everything.â
Solan frowns. She knows what thatâs like and wouldnât wish it on anyone. Melina snatches the phone away, expression shifting into something almost concerned. âYouâre gonna finish out the program, right?â
âI am.â Itâs something Solana has actually thought about since Romanâs confession. She hates that heâs been struggling, but what she hates even more is that she hasnât and wonât be home to help him in the way that he deserves. Maybe even needs. But, she also knows that sheâs not exactly where she would like to be yet. Getting there. But not yet.
And she wants to be at her best when she comes home. Roman deserves that much. But, so does she.
So, as much as a part of her would like to come home now, she knows that what is best is ultimately her finishing out her treatment.Â
Melina looks relieved, offering a small smile. âGood.âÂ
Solana picks up on it, the unspoken thing hidden behind her question. âWhat is it?â
And the frown is back, Melina sharing in a solemn tone, âthereâŚ..there are whispers that the facility is shutting down at the end of the year. Something about lack of funding.â
âWhat?â Solana didnât know what to expect, but it certainly wasnât that. âButâbut itâŚ.what aboutâŚ.what about people who need help?â
Cam scoffs, almost bitterly. âThree steps forward. Eight steps back.â Solana feels for her the most. She knows this is the second time Cameron has entered residential treatment at the very facility where the four women seem to be finding so much healing.Â
Mickie shrugs. âThere are other treatment placesâŚ..none that are reasonably close and for women only.â Solana winces at that, at the almost bitterness that laces her tone at the end of the sentence. Being in a place to heal surrounded by women only truly makes the biggest difference when tackling sexual trauma.Â
Trauma caused by men.
âI heard Dr. Stratus is seeing if she can get another grant or investor, butâŚ.â Cam shakes her head. âI donât think we should hold our breath.â
Melina rolls her eyes. âEspecially with how much money she probably needs to keep this place running. Has to be in the millions.â She smirks, sarcastically remarking, âand you know investors are just dying to put all their sweet money into a bunch of unstable bitches.âÂ
Solanaâs frown deepens. She wasnât expecting to hear this news. Definitely didnât expect it to have her heart feel so heavy at this update. It almost seems silly, like she shouldnât be so sad about a place closing that she only ever heard about a month ago, that she plans to never once again visit and be entered into.
It was a one time program thatâs clearly serving its purpose.
And maybe thatâs the thing that makes her sad. To know how helpful its been for her, a type of healing occurring she never thought possible. Healing that she knows so many more people need and will need. So many women.
Melina manages a grin that doesnât meet her eyes. âWell, we started this together, at least weâll get to finish it together.â And Solana gets it, understands why Melina wanted to see if sheâs coming back. Because if this is the last time theyâre all in the same setting, as strange a setting as it is, she wants it to be something they can do together.
âAnd we can still connect once weâre out of the hammer,â Mickie suggests with the biggest, brightest smile, âassuming we donât get locked up again.â
Solana canât help but to laugh. Mickie is a hoot, but she never fails to put a smile on her face.Â
They all do.
And in some strange connection that she doesnât quite understand, the smile and sisterhood of it all, it brings about a thought, spurs an idea that she otherwise would never consider. Itâs a massive ask, much beyond a favor, the biggest and grandest thing she could ever ask for.
And yet sheâs going to do it.
Going to ask it.
Going to ask him.
________
âGet the hell away from me!â
Itâs the first thing Solana hears when her eyes snap open. The second thing she notices is the absence of a set of strong arms around her or the equally strong chest she was laying her head on when she fell asleep. Confused, Solana rubs at her eyes and tenses at the next sound to make its way to her hearing.
âGo away!â
Itâs this second time around that Solana realizes she recognizes the voice, and it has her hopping out of bed and heading for the door.
âUso o le tinÄ, please, itâs me, Ava and Romanââ Solanâs concern grows to match her confusion as she follows the source of the voices, having a good idea of what's happening without even needing to see it. âJust let usââ
âI donât know who you are! Help!â
Solana finds the three of them in the living room, the sight similar to what she had already guesstimated. Ava and Roman are on opposite sides, both wearing pained, concerned expressions, focused on Fetu whoâs in the middle of the room, in her robe, crying, a knife in her hand, arm stretched out toward them. However, Solana focuses on the red liquid pooling on the handle of the knife. Fetu is cut, most likely a self-caused injury when she went for the knife.Â
Solanaâs stomach drops. Sheâs clearly in the midst of an episode, unaware of who she is, who they are. And it breaks her heart. The amount of pure fear and terror in her face toward the two people who would no doubt lay down their lives for her.
Solana takes a step forward, and Fetuâs frantic eyes land on her, shifting into something almost relieved. âPleaseâyou can help me!âÂ
Roman is the first to pull his attention away from Fetu, focusing on Solana who can so clearly see the distress in his eyes. How difficult this situation has to be, to see her like this and not be able to do anything.Â
He reaches his arm, clearly trying to keep her back. âSol, go backââ
âNo!â Fetu cries out, bringing both husband and wifeâs gaze onto her. Solana swallows as Fetu begins to cry again, shaking finger pointing back and forth between Roman and Ava. âTheyâthey want to take me!â Her crying intensifies, Solana slowly starting to make her way toward the older woman, ignoring Romanâs subtle attempt to keep her away. âPleaseâplease donât let them hurt me.â
Fetuâs pleading breaks Solanaâs heart and would bring tears to her own eyes if not for the fact that sheâs focused solely on the scene before her. âIâIâll help you, okay?â Solana doesnât take her eyes off Fetu, mindful of any sudden action she could take, movement that could potentially and unintentionally injure her. âIâmâIâm Solana.â She introduces, offering a warm smile when sheâs closer, very much aware of Roman and Ava whose eyes are burning into her back. âCan youâcan you tell me your name?â
Fetu seems to try to think for a moment, her face painted in terror, only to shake her head. âIâI canât.â
âItâs okay,â Solana immediately reassures, tensing a bit when she feels movement behind her, Ava and Roman trying again to approach, which only prompts her to hurriedly wave her arm to shoo them back. To tell them to leave without actually telling them to leave. âWell, Iâm gonna help you, okay?â
She understands they just want to help, but their attempts to help will only exacerbate the situation. Fetu doesnât recognize them, sees them as threats. But for herself, that is not the case. Thus, Solana needs them away to deescalate the situation.Â
Solana is relieved when sheâs finally able to stand directly in front of Fetu, gently reaching to move some hair out of her face. âItâs okay. You can trust me. I wonât hurt you.â The words seem to be registering, Solana gesturing to Fetuâs cut hand. âLooks like you hurt yourself.â She smiles warmly, gently, and patiently. âHow about I clean that up for you and then maybe we can have some tea? Hmm?â
Standing in front of Fetu, obscuring her vision of the niece and nephew her disease has her convinced are strangers, Solana briefly turns around, catching both of their gazes. âGo.â She mouths it, eyes pleading in a way her voice cannot. âIâve got her.â
Both look torn, Roman especially, but when Fetu drops the knife and reaches for Solanaâs arm, clutching tightly, both indifferent to the blood thatâs now stained on Solanaâs skin, it seems to send a message that she is very much in good hands.
Solana gives the cousins a nod and refocuses her attention on the elder woman. âItâs okay,â she comforts, offering a warm smile as she moves her arm around her, pleased to see that the other two have left.Â
Itâs for the best.Â
Solana is able to escort her into the kitchen and pacify her enough to get her seated at the kitchen table while she pulls out the medical kit under the kitchen sink.Â
âJealous.â Solana turns around, necessarily supplies in hand as she faces Fetu. âIâI told Nakoa we couldnât trust him.â The next fit of crying returns as she shakes her head, injured hand formed into a fist that she hits on her thigh repeatedly. âI told him!â
âHey, hey, hey.â Solana drops to her knees in front of Fetu, placing the supplies on the floor as she reaches for her hand, trying to stop her from further injuring herself. âItâs okay. I knowâI know you did.â
Solana, in fact does not know, has no idea who this Nakoa person is nor the other unnamed man. Nor does she necessarily care very much right now to know. She just knows that her number one priority is keeping Romanâs aunt as calm and stable in this position as possible.
âHe wasâŚ..he was jealous. Always jealous.â
âI know.â Solana nods, determined to not invalidate her, even if sheâs making no sense. âIs it okay if I wrap up your hand?â
Fetu seems to take a second to think about it, eventually nodding. âYâyes.â
Pleased at this acquiescence, Solana finds herself humming and singing softly as she works to clean, disinfect, and tend to Fetuâs wound. Fetu, who, in a much calmer voice comments, âyouâyou have a pretty voice.â
Solanaâs smile is warm. âThank you.â Sheâs happy it worked, worked to settle some of Fetuâs fear and anxiety. âMy mother used to sing me to sleep.â
âYourâŚ..motherâŚâŚâ Her voice is distant, as if sheâs trying to put the pieces together. âIâI was never aâŚ..mother.â She swallows, opening and closing her mouth a couple times before she speaks again. âAre youâare you a mother?â
A question sheâs been asked twice now. Each time bringing up a sense of sadness. âNânânot yet.âÂ
Fetu makes a sound, head tilting a bit as Solana clears her throat of the emotion thatâs suddenly built up. âYou will be.â The younger woman stills, lifting her eyes to meet those of Fetuâs that suddenly seem so knowing and insightful. âNakoaâŚ.heâŚ..he will be a good dad.â
Again, Solana is confused and suddenly a bit more curious about who this person is. And what connection he has, or Fetu thinks, he has to her. Regardless, she just continues to work seamlessly transitioning into her next task, fixing the older woman a warm cup of tea.
Solana sits silently in the chair next to Fetu, stifling a yawn as she catches a glance at the time on the microwave. 4:45am.
Her mind gravitates to Roman and Ava. Ava more than Roman. How often does she have to deal with these sorts of episodes? Roman as well, but with Ava living here with Fetu, surely, she has to face them more.
It makes her heart heavy.Â
And it stays that way even as Fetu finishes her tea and asks to go âlay down.â Solana holds her arm, carefully helping her up the stairs and into her bedroom. Sheâs pleased when Fetu asks her to braid her hair for her, Solana feeling a sense of nostalgia, reminiscing on times when she was younger and her mother would braid her hair before bed.Â
Some of her fondest memories with her mom.
Solana is helping Fetu get settled in bed when the older woman asks in an almost childlike voice. âWill youâwill you stay with me untilâŚ..until I fall asleep?â
âOf course.â Gently caressing her forehead, she gives a comforting smile and moves to grab the chair against the closest wall. Dragging it to the side of the bed, Solana has barely sat down when Fetu reaches for Solanaâs arm, her mouth shifting back and forth from a smile and frown as she clearly struggles to verbalize whatever she wants to say. âPromise meâŚ..promise me youâll look out for him.â Solana herself is frowning, confused by just what sheâs asking. âPromise me youâll stay with Nakoa.â
That name again. It confuses her just as much as it did the last time it was used.Â
Fetu continues, shaking her head. âI canâtâI canât walk out the door withoutâwithout knowing heâll be okay.â Thereâs something about her statement and the one that follows that makes it click for Solana. That helps her to realize who Nakoa really is. âIâI left him all alone oâonce. IâI canât do it again.â
Roman
Fetu is talking about Roman and something else that Solana canât even bring herself to verbalize, the thought itself devastating enough.
âIâm not going to leave him,â Solana vows, taking Fetuâs hand in hers, conjoining them. âAnd neither are you.â Tears fill her eyes as she reiterates, âhe needs both of us.â Because he does. Solana knows and believes that with everything in her. The humanity and kindness Roman still holds is solely because of the woman before her. Solana has just so happened to build upon it. âAnd besidesâŚ.youâve gotta be here when we finally have a child. YouâreâŚ..youâre the closest thing he or she will have to a grandmother.â
Because itâs true. Because Solana wants her and Romanâs child to have the loving, supportive family that both of them were deprived of, and for more than just a short period of their life. Itâs another vow on her part.Â
To do better.
To be better.
âA childâŚ..â Fetu trails off, loosening her grip on Solanaâs arm, settling hers at the side of her body. âYesâŚ.soonâŚ.soon.â
Solana canât take her gaze away from Fetu, studying her face from the moment her eyes flutter shut to when the steady rise and fall of her chest indicates a much deserved peaceful sleep. Solana is absolutely prepared to stay in that chair the entire night, by Fetuâs side, no protest whatsoever.Â
But, itâs not even forty five minutes into Fetuâs slumber that the bedroom door is slowly opened, Ava clearly checking that her aunt is sleep before she walks in and kneels at Solanaâs side. âYou can go. IâllâIâll stay with her.â
Solana looks at the woman, the red, puffy eyes that she knows all too well. She shakes her head, placing a hand on her shoulder. âNo. YouâŚ.you get some sleep. I donât mind.â
Ava makes a sound, her nose turning up ever so slightly. Sheâs staring at Fetu. âItâs soâitâs hard seeing her like this, ya know? IâI just want to help, but I canâtââ Solana shakes her head, as Ava closes her eyes, clearly trying to hold back tears. âIâm sorry.â
âItâs okay.â Again, Solana knows grief and heartache better than anyone. âShe loves you. And in her heart, she knows who you areâŚ.she always will.â
Ava is visibly moved by the kind words, nodding and wiping at her eyes. âThank you, Solana.â She sniffles, laughing with a small scoff. âYouâre way too good for him.â Solana smiles. Not a chance. âPleaseâŚ.Iâd prefer to sit with her, ifâŚ.if thatâs okay?â
Solana has no room or place to deny Ava anything, especially this. She just didnât want her to feel like she had to. But hearing her reason, sheâs more than happy to get up. âOf course.â
Solana is by the door when she stops and calls out Avaâs name, waiting for the woman to look at her as she asks, âwhoâwho was Nakoa?â
Avaâs shoulders drop, the change in her disposition evident as she answers in a sad tone. âThat was my uncle......Romanâs dad.â
Solanaâs eyes shut, her mind gravitating back to the picture she saw just earlier today. Of course. Nodding, she reminds, âif you need anythingââ
âI know.â
A final shared smile among the women, and Solana quietly closes the door. Making her way back to Romanâs bedroom, she half expects to find him up, pacing, wearing a hole into the floor. She instead is met with the complete opposite: room dark and Romanâs big body sprawled across the bed. Heâs on his back, laying on top of the blankets. Itâs obvious he fell asleep while doing that waiting she correctly called before even entering the room.Â
Shutting the door, Solana moves over to the bed, careful movements helping her position her body so sheâs tucked next to him. Her arm over his stomach, and her head on his chest.Â
Despite her carefulness, itâs not even a full two minutes before heâs stirred awake.Â
âShhh. Itâs just me.â She whispers, kissing his bearded jaw. Even in the darkness of the room, she can still slightly make out his features as he looks down at her.Â
âFuck.â His voice is deep with the slumber he so desperately needs so much more of. âI must have fallen asleep.â
âGood. You need that.â Heâs been nonstop the past couple days, not to mention the fact that they have to be up in a couple hours to get back on the road. Solana makes a quick mental note to see if heâll let her drive back. Even if just for a portion. âGo back to sleââ
âFetuââÂ
Solana feels his body tense underneath her, prompting her to soothingly move her hand across his abdomen. âSheâs okay now. Sleep. Ava is sitting with her.â
He says nothing, but she watches the way he lets his head fall back against the mattress. âIâmâIâm sorry you had to see that. I didnâtââ
âIâm not.â Because sheâs not. And truth be told, what occurred tonight rests devastatingly low on the list of worst things sheâs ever experienced. âIâm glad I could help her. Help you guys.â
Roman hesitates before asking in a thick voice. âHow did youâŚ.â
âMy mom worked at a nursing home when she was in medical school. She used to tell me about her patients with Alzheimer's. How she had to help them. She used to write about it in her journals too.â Not to mention random information Solana has read and learned over the years in her vast pursuit of acquiring medical knowledge after being denied the chance to go to college and pursue her nursing dreams. âShe justâŚ.she needed to feel safe. I know what thatâs like.â
Again, Roman is silent for a couple minutes, Solana eventually feeling him tug her closer, her eyes shutting when he kisses her forehead. Â
âThank you.â Thereâs so much held behind those two words, an immense amount of appreciation and love thatâs felt on such a palpable level. âI love you.â
She could never tire of hearing him say that. Ever. âI love you, too.â
Today was a lot, in so many different ways, Solana feeling perplexed by the many happenings. The letter from Fetu. Fetuâs maybe incoherent, or not so incoherent, warning about someone being jealous. Her almost ominous way of speaking about herself, about her future.
It was justâŚ..a lot.Â
And Solana knows thereâs so much to digest and try to make sense of. Just not tonight.
Tonight she just wants to fall asleep in the arms of her husband.
Tomorrow, and whatever it entails, can come later.Â
#roman reigns fanfiction#roman reigns x black!oc#roman reigns oneshot#roman reigns fanfic#arisnotebook
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so I was expecting to see it pinned but I can't: could you summarize why you hate feminism? I feel like it's doing a lot of good but I'm wanting to see other perspectives better of that makes sense?
I really ought to have something pinned so I don't have to keep writing new responses, but I always find there are new angles that need expressing and I never feel I've written one specific post that addresses everything.
I was a feminist myself from the age of 13, when I read Marilyn French's novel The Woman's Room, and within another 5 or 6 years I'd gotten pretty radicalized and gone out and bought my own copy of Valerie Solanas' SCUM Manifesto, along with a bunch of Riot Grrrl records. I stayed in that echo chamber for quite a few years, but increasingly started noticing things that didn't - and couldn't - make sense and asking questions of the movement that no-one within it could answer, and as soon as I did, I was out of the cult. If you try doing that yourself, you'll find the same will happen to you.
I'm at a loss to know how to summarize in a brief and easy-to-digest way the way my life and thinking has developed since then, and what the most pertinent points to relay should be.
Basically, what I'd most noticed was the disconnect between what the feminist movement claims to be and what it actually is. The more involved in feminism any person becomes, the more callous, hateful and contemptuous towards men they will become. If Feminism WAS just a movement that seeks to treat men and women equally, as it publicly claims, then it wouldn't make any sense that that should be the entirely predictable outcome every time: you'd expect the most radical feminist to be the most loving and fairminded towards every man she encounters, instead of gleefully calling for his genocide.
On top of that, the bedrock claims of feminism the past 50 years or more - Patriarchy, rape culture, pay gap, glass ceiling, etc. - are all revealed to be self-evidently false if you scrutinize them with any rigor at all. To be a feminist today you have to believe all human civilization is a conspiracy invented by men to benefit all men through the oppression and exploitation of all women, the world over. But no man knows anything about this conspiracy, which occurred in every disconnected and uncontacted corner of the globe, without a single exception, and there is no evidence or even attempt to theorize how and where this conspiracy is supposed to have taken place (the only attempt I've even heard any feminist trying is Riane Eisler's fanciful and thoroughly discredited theory of "matrifocal" cultures existing at some point in Ancient Greece, that run contrary to everything we know of the past from all historical records and archeology, as well as the rest of the world at that time).
What feminists call "The Patriarchy" is, in reality, the gendered division of labor that we (and other mammals) evolved over millions of years to best survive in a hostile natural world. To frame nature itself as an evil and oppressive human conspiracy is utterly insane and enormously destructive to millions of people's mental health and ability to connect to others.
Feminism has done, and continues to do, massive harm to relations between the sexes, because by framing every second human being on planet earth as The Oppressor, and the other half of the human race as innately abused and perpetually bedraggled Victims, it makes love between the sexes impossible, if taken at all seriously.
It's important to make the differentiation between Feminism (a far-left political ideology) and Women (half of the human race): feminism does not speak on behalf of the majority of women, and never has (the last I heard, only around 10-15% of women identify as such, depending on where you ask). You can support equal rights and opportunities for all without lending your support to the idiotic ideas of class/gender war mostly borrowed from Marxist theories, which is what most of feminism from the second wave onwards has been based on. Although I tend to avoid labels myself, many people today feel much more comfortable identifying as egalitarians rather than feminists, because it removes the century of hateful sexist baggage that word brings with it.
This is already getting quite long, so I guess I'll leave it there, but I'm happy to expand on any specific aspect of feminist belief you may want more detail on. It's easier to get into the nuts and bolts when the topic is not so broad.
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The post Solana Price Prediction: Hereâs Whatâs Next for the SOL Price Rally! appeared first on Coinpedia Fintech News The short-term price action of Solana has become extremely uncertain as the buying and selling pressure has exhibited a similar in #Blockchain #Crypto
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mint's gmmtv 2024 presscon bingo <3
vi @disasterbabygirlnick tagged me in this forever ago so i thought i should post it in time for the event! sorry if the quality of this comes out abysmal, please let me know if there is anything unreadable. this is definitely a combination of semi realistic predictions and things i am just reaching for. regardless i'm excited to witness my second live gmmtv presscon and for the probable chaos that awaits us in 2024. thank you so much to @icouldhyperfixatehim for the adorable template <3
tagging a few people that i simply need to see this: @cankersoregirl @petrichoraline @justafriend-ql @loserlesbianongsa @solana-ceae
and if anyone is seeing this and hasn't posted theirs, please do and feel free to tag me in it!!
i'm also thinking i might end up making a new one or revising this for the part 2 event, whenever that happens?
#gmmtv 2024#i didn't put gemfourth series on here since it's already confirmed#i hope you all know there was more pond on here and then i restrained myself#tag game#mint talks#*
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đ The crypto market is on the brink of a major boom! đ Discover why analysts believe a Trump victory in 2024 could skyrocket Bitcoin and Solana to new heights. đ Dive into the latest insights and prepare for a thrilling ride in the world of digital assets. Don't miss out!
#crypto revolution#trump 2024#bitcoin#solana#crypto market#invest smart#digital assets#crypto news#blockchain#crypto investment#crypto growth#crypto investors
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DebitmMyData Custom Logo and Facial Recognition 20230621 012609
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MARCY, 24, CENTRAL; SHE/HER. | if youâre hearing MORE THAN A WOMAN by BEE GEES playing, you have to know SOLANA KIMANI-LIN (SHE/HER ; CISFEMALE) is near by! the FORTY year old CURATOR AT THE DENVER CHILDRENâS MUSEUM has been in denver for, like, ELEVEN YEARS. theyâre known to be quite DISORGANIZED, but being SENTIMENTAL seems to balance that out. or maybe itâs the fact that they resemble LUPITA NYONG'O. personally, iâd love to know more about them seeing as how theyâve got those SUNDRESSES BLOWING IN THE WIND, YOGA IN THE MORNINGS, THE FIRST SPRING RAIN vibes. and maybe iâll get my chance if i hang out around the CHERRY CREEK DISTRICT long enough!
STATISTICS:
full name: solana kimani-lin
nicknames: sol ( by isadora only ), she is not a nickname person from anyone else itâs her mother given name or nothing
birthday: october 18, 1983
hometown: new york city, new york
occupation: denver childrenâs museum curator
hobbies: growing vegetables, early morning and late night yoga, djing (poorly)
lives: cherry creek district
BACKGROUND:
tw: death mention
solana kimani was born to loving parents, ishmael and lourdes kimani, on october 18, 1983, exact to her predicted birthdate in true libra fashion. her introduction to the world included her aunt and grandma living under the same roof as her parents, setting in the roots of her desire for a large family.
her childhood consisted of the typical things: bike rides and catching fireflies, sitting on dadâs shoulders for a better vantage point, family vacations on christmas break, and camps during the summer. their family didnât have much, but what they lacked in material they made up for in community and love. some of her earliest memories are the women of her house sitting around the dining table, putting together their coins to bring home a burger dinner. this happened a handful of times, but those dinners were always her favorite.
as long as she could remember, drama had lived in her veins. she found herself repeating lines from the cinema, and sitting in front of the television doing her best impressions of those on the screen. at the age of ten, her aunt was finally able to help her convince her overprotective parents to let her begin going to theater camps, solidifying her love for the stage. the rest of elementary school and middle were spent pouring her heart into the theater programs, and nose in her books to ensure sheâd be allowed to stay.
the turning point came when she was cast as helena in midsummer nights dream, a role sheâd been eyeing her entire high school career. the lines practically memorized themselves, and when it was announced that their rival school was putting on the same show, she hadnât even batted an eye.
until her friends staged a coup to spy on the other program, entering isadora lin. her stage presence was captivating, and where solana shouldâve been nervous she found herself enamored. leading her friends away from the others, she began her streak of subtly choosing isadora. then came the rehearsals, the sneaking around, the assuring that dory was âthe most beautiful helena sheâs ever seen.â
opening night shouldâve been her debut. instead, it was the day of her declaration, running out of the auditorium just before curtain call and making it to isadoraâs program in time to catch the second half. she deserved her flowers and solana made sure she got them, taking herself out of the running for future leads in any of her own programs. the small fling that followed was enough to justify it for her, convinced that sheâd be able to rebrand in college and build up the legacy sheâd started again. it lasted until it didnât, but the memories of their time shared transcended.
college wasnât what solana expected. everyone else was just as talented and determined, something she wasnât prepared for. being the best had come naturally to her, and in an environment where everyone was the best, solana didnât quite know where she fit. thus began the transition to finding a new passion, theater moving to the background as a fond hobby rather than a true career path. museum studies found her unexpectedly, going for her masters and never looking back.
after graduation, solana was faced with her next transition. learning to live and love and in the place she lost her aunt, only two months prior. the city was showing itself to be too loud and familiar, leaving her with what she thought was her only choice. throw a dart at a map, and go where it took her. this was eleven years ago, and she hasnât left denver since.
staying in denver is largely attributed to finding her wife on an online dating platform, the one she'd given it all up for before, isadora. her five year plan began that day, asking her on a date and withing two months to marry her. her position at the childrenâs museum came shortly after her reconnection with isadora, and it felt like all the pieces were falling into place the way that it should.
now, with one foster child out of the house and attempting to navigate rotating younger children, solana couldnât be happier and would say sheâs living the life of her dreams. her main focuses currently are exploring new hobbies and adventuring with her family, everything else falling in between where she made it fit.
HEADCANONS:
learned how to dj six months ago and does it in her spare time, in the basement, or course. she canât imagine playing an actual gig, but it would be fun!
has a veggie garden
has a pet hamster named lettuce
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The SEC Approves Ethereum ETFs: A New Era for Institutional Adoption
The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has recently approved the first batch of spot Ethereum (ETH) ETFs, marking a pivotal moment for Ethereum and the broader cryptocurrency market. This approval is anticipated to usher in increased institutional adoption and liquidity, setting the stage for potentially significant price movements and technological advancements within the Ethereum ecosystem.
Key Implications of the ETF Approval
1. Institutional Adoption and Market Liquidity: The approval of Ethereum ETFs is a critical development that could lead to a surge in institutional investment. This influx of institutional funds is expected to enhance market liquidity, making Ethereum a more attractive asset for both retail and institutional investors. By allowing investors to gain exposure to Ethereum through regulated financial products, the ETFs reduce the barriers to entry and provide a more secure investment avenue.
2. Potential Price Surge: Market analysts predict a substantial increase in Ethereum's price due to the ETF approval. Standard Chartered analysts foresee Ethereum's price potentially doubling, reaching $4,000 or higher by the end of the year if the ETFs perform well and attract significant investment. This optimistic outlook is driven by the expectation that the ETFs will boost demand for Ethereum, thus driving up its price.
3. Technological Advancements: Alongside the regulatory advancements, Ethereum is also making strides in technological innovation. The implementation of roll-up technology and EIP-4844 are poised to significantly increase the network's transaction capacity and efficiency. These upgrades are crucial for maintaining Ethereum's competitiveness, especially as it faces stiff competition from other blockchains like Solana.
Trading Strategies for the Evolving Landscape
The approval of Ethereum ETFs presents new opportunities and strategies for traders and investors. Here are a few approaches to consider:
1. Volatility Management: Given the potential for increased volatility around the ETF approval dates, strategies such as dynamic hedging and dollar-cost averaging could be beneficial. These methods help manage risk and capitalize on price fluctuations.
2. Market Sentiment Analysis: Understanding and exploiting market sentiment is crucial, especially in a market influenced by speculation about institutional adoption and ETF approvals. Using tools like artificial intelligence and machine learning to analyze social media, news outlets, and other sources for sentiment indicators can provide valuable insights for trading decisions.
3. Contrarian Investing: Taking positions against the market consensus when sentiment analysis suggests extremes of optimism or pessimism can be a profitable strategy. This approach, often summarized as "buy the rumor, sell the fact," involves making trades based on anticipated market reactions to news events.
4. Timing Regulatory Decisions: Staying informed on regulatory developments is essential. Strategically timing trades around the expected decision dates for ETF approvals can help investors capitalize on market movements triggered by anticipation and reaction to such news.
The Path Forward for Ethereum
The approval of Ethereum ETFs is a monumental step forward, but it also underscores the ongoing challenges and opportunities within the Ethereum ecosystem. As Ethereum continues to evolve, addressing scalability, security, and privacy concerns will be crucial for sustaining its growth and adoption. The network's ability to navigate the competitive landscape, marked by rivals like Solana and Cardano, will play a significant role in shaping its future.
As we move through 2024, Ethereum stands on the brink of transformative growth. The convergence of regulatory advancements, technological upgrades, and increasing institutional interest sets the stage for Ethereum to solidify its position as a leader in the blockchain and decentralized finance space.
For those interested in the future of Ethereum and the broader cryptocurrency market, staying informed and adaptive to the rapidly changing landscape will be key to navigating this exciting new era.
By understanding the implications and opportunities presented by the approval of Ethereum ETFs, investors and enthusiasts can better position themselves to take advantage of this significant development in the cryptocurrency world.
#Ethereum#SECApproval#EthereumETFs#Cryptocurrency#InstitutionalAdoption#MarketLiquidity#PriceSurge#RollUpTechnology#EIP4844#Blockchain#DecentralizedFinance#EthereumPrice#CryptoTrading#FinancialMarkets#CryptoRegulation#Investment#CryptoInnovation#ETFApproval#EthereumUpgrades#SolanaCompetition#CryptoMarket#FinancialNews#EthereumInvestment#CryptoAdvancements#CryptoUpdates#bitcoin#financial education#financial empowerment#financial experts#digitalcurrency
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Crypto Billionaire's Next Big Bet: Why Solana Has Stolen the Spotlight in 2024!
Crypto Shake-Up: Former BitMEX CEO Bets Big on Solanaâs Future! As the cryptocurrency market continues to evolve, billionaire and former BitMax CEO Arthur Hayes has expressed his deep belief in Solana (SOL). Despite news like the collapse of FTX some time ago, Arthur Hayes sees a bright future for Solana. FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried has also been a strong supporter of Solana. Despite this,âŚ
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#crypto news#crypto news today#cryptocurrency news#cryptocurrency news predictions#genesis crypto news#Is Solana a good investment 2024?#mike solana#solana crypto price#solana news#solana price prediction#Which crypto will boom in 2024?
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Thank you for tagging me @lamonnaie and @ranchthoughts <333
current time: 11:57am
current activity:Â writing! or not writing. I'm procrastinating <3
currently thinking about: lunch.... also need to catch up on only friends my boys my deranged losers!!!!
current favourite song:Â DEJAYOU by PiXXiE (yeah I got it from the gemfourth concert I am nothing if not predictable)
currently reading:Â course syllabi đ and my own writing? I haven't had time to read anything in a hot minute :(
currently watching: only friends (technically I am!!), home school (which I need to finish yikes), racket boys
current favourite characters: I've been working on some mlc fics so I'm rotating Heart in my brain at insane speeds. also atsushi nakajima!! guy of all time!
current WIP: okay I have four fics I'm working on - two eclipse, one zukka atla and one for my wlw tinngun au!
tagging @soundwin @solana-ceae @ieatwoodchips @welcome-to-the-shit-library @mutlishipperfangirl @cornflowershade @one-ghogh and anyone else who wants to participate!
#I love when people tag me in things >:) thank you!!#mentally I am tagging all my mutuals but in reality I am scared of being a bother <3#lamonnaie beloved#distant screaming screams into the void
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looking through your eyes + seventeen
authors note: this chapter covers the aftermath of solana's attempt in the previous chapter. please heed to content warnings in order to make an informed decision regarding reading this chapter.
i'm going to handle solana's experience in the hospital as realistically as i can, but there are creative liberties taken as well. and don't come for me for the ending either. :/
cw/tw: angst, discussion and coverage of the aftermath of a suicide attempt, mental health discussions.
song inspo: âlooking through your eyesâ by leann rimes
masterlist
words: 15k
Roman has a long to-do list. He always does and always will. But, this is by far one of the last things he wants to do.Â
Heâs going on 24 hours of no sleep, which isnât the first time heâs done as such, but itâs the first time heâs done as such and actually felt the impact of the sleep deprivation. And truth be told, deep down he knows the exhaustion that he feels is more mental than anything.
Itâs the result of the toll that finding out Solana tried to kill herself has taken on him.Â
Is taking on him.
But, he canât deal with that shit right now. He canât deal with it because heâs got his Wise Man, Rikishi, Solo, Jimmy and Jey all sitting around him, wearing various levels of confused expressions. Which only irritates Roman more because Rikishi and Paul are the only ones who should be confused. The twins have been with him dealing with all of the shit the past 24 hours.Â
Solo too.
Rikishi is the first to speak, studying Roman. The Tribal Chief is more than sure he noticed the grimace on Romanâs face as he went to roll his shoulders, remembering yet again of the wound that probably wonât heal as quickly as predicted given the fact heâs done the complete opposite of âtaking it easy.â
âYou gonna tell us what happened orââ
âThere was an assassination attempt on Solanaâs life last night.â Romanâs sentence is matter-of-fact and to the point, nevermind the fact that his right hand forms into a fist at just saying as such.Â
Rikishi and Paul share shocked expressions, Romanâs older cousin being the one to ask, âis sheââ
âBullet hit me instead. Didnât lodge. Iâll be fine.â Roman only adds that last part because of the horrified look on Paulâs face, already knowing his Wise Man will bombard him with questions about his injury. âXavier Miller and his boy were behind the attempt. Iâm handling them now.âÂ
âBut sir, why would Miller want his own daughter dead?â
Roman closes his eyes and rolls his neck, working to settle his rising temper. He hates talking about this shit. It only spikes his eagerness to get his hands on Miller and rip him apart limb by limb. âBecause she didnât go along with his plan.â
Rikishi speaks up again. âPlan?â
Romanâs jaw clenches. âHe wanted her to kill me.âÂ
The rest of the men look equally shocked, Paul gasping loudly, asking, âsheâs a traitor?â
If looks could kill, Paul would be six feet under. Roman has to mentally restrain from acting out on his suddenly murderous urges. âSheâs my wife.â
Rikishi, however, seemingly tosses his longtime friend a lifeline, trying to reason with his younger cousin. âUce, that doesnât mean she canât be bothââ
âWhat Iâm hearingâŚ.â Solo surprises the men around the table as he sits forward. ââis that she canât be trusted.â
Roman isnât sure just how much of his anger and rage at the accusations being slung against Solana is showing, his Solana, but it must be enough for the twins, of all people, to try and de-escalate.
âCome on now, this is Soso we talking about.â Jimmy is the first to kick off peacemaking. He looks at his father, âpops, you was there when we first met her. She was nervous as shit. Ainât nothing about that girl dangerous.â
Jey chimes in, handling Solo. âAnd you of all people should definitely know thatâs not Solana. She would never hurt nobody, let alone kill nobody.â
Solo, however, simply scoffs. âLike she ainât hurt her brother?â
âWhat was she supposed to do? Let him beat her?â Jimmy is the one to snap, shouting back with a suck of his teeth, âman, that bitch deserved it!â
Rikishi jumps in, defending his younger son. âI think what Solo is trying to say is that it proves she is, in fact, capable of hurting someone if she wanted to.â
âWhy would she want to hurt Roman? That donât even make noââ
âEnough!â Romanâs fist slams down on the table. âThe next person to say one more negative thing about my wife is getting a bullet in their fucking skull.â Thereâs a blanket of silence, all of the men knowing that Roman would absolutely carry through on this threat. A promise, really.Â
Roman swallows, both from anger and something else he canât pinpoint. âSolana tried to kill herself last night. What in the fuck about that presents a danger?â He doesnât care enough to observe the reactions of that news. Doesnât give a fuck. âThe only person sheâs a danger to is herself.â
Paul is the brave soul, or perhaps just stupidly and naively asking, âis sheâokay?âÂ
âI said tried, didnât I?â Roman snaps, forcing the pudgy man to recoil back in his seat. Roman clenches his jaw yet again, directing his statement to the next older man. âRikishi.â He runs a hand over his face. âMeet with the Elders. Tell them about the assassination attempt. That it was Miller. Nothing about the plan. And leave it at that.â
Rikishi removes his glasses, sitting up at the table. âRoman, the Elders should knowââÂ
âThe Elders know what I want them to know, and I want them to know that someone tried to kill my wife, and Iâm handling it. Thatâs it.â Incapable of dealing with any more of this shit, Roman stands up from the chair, turning his back on the rest of his family. âWise Man, letâs go.â
The obese man also shoots up from the chair, nearly tripping over his feet as he wordlessly follows Roman out of the room.Â
Left alone is just Rikishi and his sons, the patriarch asking, âshe tried to kill herself?â
Jimmy and Jey wear similar frowns, recalling the horrific truth they learned about their âSosoâ just hours prior. Jimmy shuts his eyes, unable to push away the memory of a hysterical Naomi throwing herself into his chest at the memory of finding Solana unconscious.Â
âItâsâŚ.itâs a long story,â Jey answers in a low voice, wanting to be respectful. Aware or not, Solanaâs story is hers to tell and hers only.Â
Truthfully, heâs slightly surprised Roman even disclosed that part of the past 24 hours.Â
âYeah, thereâs a lot of the story that Roman left out,â Solo suddenly finds his voice again, sharing directly to his father and brothers. âLike the fact that Roman took that bullet for her.â
âWhat?â Riksihi asks, shock stamped all over his voice.Â
âI was right there. I saw the whole thing. He pushed her out the way.â
Jimmy shrugs. âHe protected his wife. Whatâs wrong with that? We all would have done the same.â
Jey nods in agreement. Rikishi looks torn.Â
Solo continues, pointing out. âBut, Roman ainât like us. Heâs the Tribal Chief. He needs to act like it.â
âCareful, son,â Rikishi cautions, seemingly breaking from his conflicted state. âYour Uce sits at the head of the table for a reason. His ways may be unorthodox at times, but his reign wonât be questioned. We wonât disrespect him.â
Solo scoffs. âBut youâll disrespect the other Elders by lying for him?â
Jey jumps in, chiding, âman, whatâs up with you tonight?â
Solo scoffs, pointing to himself. âMe? Iâm not the one whose judgment is clouded. We all know if this was one of us and the roles were reversed with our wives, Roman would want them executed. Heâs not thinking straight.â Solo looks around the room, noticing thereâs a brief second of silence. âYaâll see it too. Iâm just the only one whoâs willing to say it. Roman is losing focusââ
âThatâs enough, Solo.â Rikishi raises his voice, firmer, that of a father. âYouâre out of line, son.âÂ
Solo looks around the room, halfway waiting for his older brothers to jump to his defense, to agree with what they have to know is the truth. But, when that doesnât happen, he also shoots up from the table, rocking it in the process, leaving the room without another word.
Once gone, Jimmy motions with his thumb. âMan, he is tripping.â He shakes his head, asking his father, âyou want us to talk to him?â
âNo.â Rikishi answers almost immediately, sighing heavily, running his hand over his face. âIâll do itâŚ.you all justâŚ.watch Roman.â He stands up, as Jey mutters something about having the hard job. âAnd sonsâŚ.this conversation doesnât leave this room, understood?â Jimmy and Jey look slightly confused and taken back, Rikishi explaining, âI know youâre both closer with Roman. But, heâs just your cousin. Solo is your brother. Heâs definitely tripping, but heâs still your family too, and thereâs nothing more important than brotherhood, alright?â
________
Roman awakens with a heavy sigh thatâs followed by his eyes closing.Â
His sleep has been shit the past few days, and itâs been solely because his bed is cold and empty on the other side. Because heâs sleeping alone, something he once cherished but now can barely tolerate. He didnât realize just how much he enjoyed Solanaâs soft body pressed up against him, the satisfaction he felt waking up to her every morning.
Now, he just awakens to silence or the sound of Dulce whimpering or barking.Â
Dulceâs whimpers on the side of the bed remind him of the fact that sheâs still sleeping in his room. In their room. On Solanaâs side.
Her empty side.
Moving the blankets off, Roman swings his big body over the side of the bed and walks over to motion for her to follow him. âCome on.â
He knows she has to empty her bladder, but heâs grateful for a reason to leave the space that reeks of Solana, a constant reminder of her absence.Â
ItâsâŚ.an experience, to say the least.Â
Picking her up, he carries her down the steps, through the house, and out the back sliding door by the kitchen. Roman places her in the grass, letting her do her business as he goes to sit down on the edge of one of the chaise lounge.
He closes his eyes.
Love.Â
Suck a weird fucking thing. Something heâs never really understood.Â
Or felt.Â
NotâŚ.not in this aspect at least.Â
Heâs always been confounded by the emotion that makes people act so outside of their character, clouds their judgment, and seizes their brain in crippling ways. He never saw the appeal in it. Never wanted it.
And then came Solana.Â
If someone had told him four months ago that heâd not only be married to a woman he actually cares about let alone would end up loving, heâd probably knock them flat on their ass. Harshly criticize their stupidity at the very least.Â
Falling in love with Solana was never the plan. He never wanted this for himself. He just needed to marry to create an official heir. And that was it. She would do her thing, taking care of the kid and whatnot. And he would still do him, continuing his life of commitment free sexual relations with whoever was his flavor of the week. Or day.Â
And yet all of that, just the thought of it, sours his expression.Â
He doesnât want anyone other than Solana. Doesnât desire to be intimate with anyone other than her. Itâs her he wants to wake up to every morning, her he wants to make happy. He just wants her. Nobody else.
Because he loves her.
And itâs a shocking, life changing realization he finally stumbled into while sitting at her hospital bed. An epiphany heâs certain was heavily transitioned from subconscious to conscious given the events that transpired that night.
She almost died, was almost shot, and thereâs not a fucking part of him would do anything differently. Heâd take that bullet and any other bullet for her anytime.Â
Because he loves her.
He stood between her and her piece of shit father, not thinking twice about it, only knowing that decision would forever negatively change her life. Thinking how he promised her he would never let her end up in that position.Â
Because he loves her.Â
And he sat at her hospital bed, holding her hand, pouring his heart out to her because the second those infamous words left Jeyâs mouth, his world nearly collapsed. He couldnât think straight as he rushed to the hospital, uncaring and uninterested in anything except being with her, holding her, catering to her. Whatever she needed. He just needs her to be okay.Â
Because he loves her.
Romanâs head tilts back, the weight of all this lying on his chest.Â
He canât deny it. Canât deny he loves her. Not to himself, at least. He just doesnât know what the fuck to do about it.
ThereâsâŚ..thereâs no room for love in his life. No place for it. Love is weakness, and Roman has never and can never be weak. Heâs the Tribal Chief. The Head of the Table. The leader of the Bloodline and Cosa Nostra. There is no space for weakness.
Or love.Â
And yetâŚ.itâs there.
Itâs there for her.Â
Dulce walking over to the chaise lounge that Roman realizes is usually the one she sits on when sheâs writing brings him back to the sadness that creeps in at her absence. Dulce must feel the same as she lays down, ears also down, whimpering.
Roman beckons her over, watching as she slowly walks over to his feet, ears still down as he picks her up and places her on his lap. Itâs something not even a week ago he would probably do. But, that was then, and this is now.Â
And now, he almost feels a sense of duty to Solanaâs puppy.Â
Because itâs this same puppy, heâs learned, that barked nonstop at Bayley and Naomi, running over to Solana and starting to cry, effectively alerting them that something was wrong.
Very wrong.
With an uncharacteristic level of emotion, Roman gently strokes the top of her head. âYou saved her lifeâŚ.â For his own mental sanity, Roman chooses not to think about what the alternative could have been. What his reality would be if this small, five pound animal didnât have such a close, protective bond to her human. âThank you.â
Dulce whimpers in response, laying her body on his lap, staring at the empty pool chair.Â
Roman sighs, eyes shutting again.Â
The emotion is undeniable as he acknowledges in a soft voice. âI miss her too..â
This shit is much harder than he realized.Â
________
Roman: How are you doing?Â
Solana glances at her lock screen at hearing the familiar, personalized notification sound. The sound she set specifically for texts from her husband. Her smile is already set on her face but settles into something deeper as another message slides in.
Roman: Do you need me to come home?
Placing the pencil down on the nearest surface, she swaps out her task at hand for a brief break to respond to the question she anticipated would be proposed at some point in the day.Â
Just not this soon, perhaps.
Solana wipes one hand on her shorts, the other unlocking her phone to open his thread. Preparing to reply, her gaze shifts over to her sweet baby boy, sleeping peacefully in his infant pillow. Low, relaxing music plays from her Alexa on the nightstand, lulling and keeping him in his slumber. Similarly, Dulce lays peacefully in her bed on Solanaâs side of the bed, curled into a little ball.
The smile somehow grows deeper.
Solana: Iâm okay. You donât need to come home, really.
Solana quickly snaps a photo of the baby and includes it with her next message.
Solana: Weâre good. :)Â
Solana brings her finger to gently caress her sonâs cheek. He has such a calm disposition about him. Even at 6 weeks. She can just see heâs taken on more of her demeanor than his dadâs. Granted, she also noticed the same thing about her oldest twin, only for her to gradually be morphing into the female version of her father.
Roman hearting the photo captures her attention once again followed by his reply, which seems to be the result of long distance mind reading.
Roman: Heâs been a lot easier than the girls were. But, time will tell.Â
Roman: Where are they?
She giggles, imagining his elongated sigh as he considers what could be in store for them once their son starts to get bigger and older. Can move around and get into things with his sisters. Itâs more likely than not bound to happen.
Solana: In their playrooms. Theyâve been surprisingly quiet tooâŚ.for now. Lol
Solana knows her girls well enough to know silence with them, mostly when theyâre together, isnât usually long lived. The quieter of the two is very much like Solana, able to stay and keep to herself just fine without making much or any noise. Her sister, however, older by 6 minutes exactly, is not.
She is rambunctious and loud and loves to be moving. And when theyâre together, that adventurous nature rubs off on Solanaâs twin, usually resulting in them getting into something. More often than not.
Roman: I talked to them last night. Reminded them it's important they listen and help you out.
This is something she already knew, having overheard as he put them to bed while she catered to their newborn. Heâs done that a lot since the birth of their son. Really taken over as much as he can with helping the girls, when itâs something he can do. And if he canât do it, like them wanting to do art with her or bake something, usually the youngest vs the oldest, heâs on baby duty.Â
Whether he realizes it or not, he truly is great at being a dad. Though something tells her, always has, that even three kids deep, he struggles with that insecurity at not being good at it.
Not being good enough.
Roman: I still think it was too early for me to come back to work and leave you alone with everything.
And there it is. What Solana already knew he was thinking but is happy to see him finally admit. Romanâs been working from home the past six weeks, since the birth of their son. And while sheâs appreciated having him home, helping her out with managing their growing family, it was time for him to return back to the âoffice.âÂ
She knows he worries about her, worries about her feeling overwhelmed, but sheâs been good the past few years with being open with him. That hasnât and wonât change.Â
Solana: You were going to have to go back eventually, Ro. Iâm okay, really. The girls really donât cause me any issues. And heâs easy.
Solana: Outside of when heâs groping and squeezing the mess out of my breast. đ
Breastfeeding has never been much of an issue for Solana. And, while it was definitely a bit of a challenge breastfeeding twins, there was never a pressing enough problem for her to not consider doing the same for her third child.
Granted, unlike the girls who, at most, felt around her breast while getting their fill, her son is more handsy. His little palms often slapping, squeezing and even scratching with his nails she makes sure to try to keep cut low.Â
She chuckles, thinking about how this could very much be another small sign sheâs in store for yet another energetic child. It lines up though. Even when heâs sleepy, little scowl on his face, she sees Roman. In all of the children, really. But with him, the way his little lips dip and light eyebrows cave into a look of unmistakable disapproval, usually when she takes too long to pick him up or feed him, thatâs all Roman.
Roman: Smart kid.Â
She giggles, sending out a reply thatâs a result of years of growing more comfortable with teetering the lines of risque topics and innuendos.
Solana: Your kid, clearly. đ
Roman: Damn straight.
Chewing on her bottom lip, she keeps the conversation going with another risky text.Â
Solana: Just two more weeks until IâmâŚ.cleared.Â
Over the years, and as sheâs continued to heal, Solana has found herself with a sexual appetite thatâs nowhere near her husbandâs nor most women her age, but itâs there. Coming and going. Ebbing and flowing. And lately, itâs been on the flowing side.
Roman: We should wait longer.Â
Roman: Iâm not taking any risks.
She sighs at his reply thatâs not entirely unsurprising. He absolutely would want to go past the recommended 8 weeks that she was told by her doctor that they would need to wait to resume intimacy. An extended period of time than the usual 6 weeks due to the second degree tear she sustained while birthing her third child. A thing that can happen during childbirth and wasnât anything too serious, but something she knows her husband sees as just that.
Thus him wanting to not âtake any risks.âÂ
Solana: I understand.
Understanding is different from agreeing, but she wonât push him on it.Â
Solana: Besides, donât want to risk another baby.
Solana: Just yet anywayâŚ.
Having this conversation over text probably isnât the way to go, but she has no doubt heâll talk with her about it more in person when he comes home tonight, after all three kids are down for bed.
That doesnât mean they canât start it now, at least, though.
Roman: Seriously? You really want another baby?
Roman: He isnât even a year yet.
Roman: You forget Iâm 10 years older than you. Iâm getting too old for all these kids, Solana.
Itâs true they just welcomed their baby boy not even two months ago. And Roman is aging. Heâs older, the gray in his beard spreading by the day, but heâs still just as active and fit into his forties as he was when they met years prior. Thus, heâs exaggerating.Â
Solana: No, youâre not.
Solana: And that wasnât a noâŚ..
His reply comes in a bit quicker than she was anticipating.Â
Roman: It wasnât.Â
She smiles. Solana has learned her husband well over the years. Knows him well enough to know that if there wasnât a part of him also interested in maybe having another child, he would be clear about his standpoint. He would express his disagreement.Â
So his comment would suggest heâs not team no. That heâs open, and his following texts confirm as such.
Roman: But, this would be it. Four is more than enough.
She smiles, knowing that this definitely will still be discussed in person tonight but happy that heâs unwilling to deny himself. Solanaâs love for him has only deepened since seeing him step into the role of fatherhood.Â
She just wishes she could get him to see how good he is at this. The girls wouldnât adore him as much as they do if he was bad at it, per se.
But, heâs not.
If only he could see it.Â
Solana: Unless we get another set of twinsâŚ.đ
Roman: Jesus ChristÂ
Solana giggles, imagining the look he must have on his face. Probably similar to when they found out about the girls. She wasnât entirely surprised given how strongly twins run on his side of the family.
But, he most certainly was.
A quiet knock pulls her from the conversation as she lays her eyes on the twins who are waiting by the door with hesitant expressions. She waves them over, placing her finger over her mouth to remind them to be quiet to avoid waking up the still sleeping baby.
They tip toe over to her, moving to her side of the bed, leaning over and looking at him. The oldest is the one to ask, whispering, âwhy does he sleep so much, mama?â
Solana chuckles. âThatâs what babies do. They need a lot of sleep to grow big and strong.â
The quieter of the two of them deviates from her usual silence to predict, âheâs gonna be big and strong like papa.â
The oldest, however, doesnât hesitate to reiterate. âIâm still gonna be the tribal chief though.â
Solana has such a torn reaction she does well at hiding. As much as she loves how much her technically first born admires Roman and wants to be just like him, she also has no idea just what it is that Roman really does. The true weight that comes with wearing the Ula Fala.Â
Or the fact that by his familyâs laws and traditions, their son is the true heir to the Bloodline. Granted, she also suspects itâs those same laws and traditions Roman will fight tooth and nail to change should their daughter, even after knowing the truth about the Bloodline, still want to pursue taking his place when the time comes for him to step down.
Roman would do anything to give her just as much a chance to the keys to the kingdom as her brother.
But, thatâs so far down the line, and Solana doesnât like thinking about it too much. She just wants to enjoy her children as they are now, innocent and oblivious.
Ms. Quiet stays on her talking streak, asking quietly, âcan we still go to aunt Bayleyâs house today?â
Solana nods. She briefly forgot about that, but itâs still very much doable. âOf course.âÂ
The girls gasp and look at each other, Solana already knowing another request is about to follow. Romanâs little twin ends up being the one to ask, âmama, can we go see papa at his office before?â
She shouldnât be surprised. One of their favorite things to do is stop by and see Roman while heâs at work. Something she hasnât done in some time, not since the birth of her son and even then, it had been a few months.
Solana starts to text and ask him if heâs busy, but one look at the happiness on the girlsâ faces at being able to see their dad, and she knows she doesnât need to.
She knows thereâs no way on Godâs green earth that he would turn them away, even if he stopped or canceled a meeting just to interact with them.
Thatâs just the kind of father he is.
His kids come first.Â
With excitement bubbling in her stomach at seeing her husband, Solana takes a glance at her son, smile growing as he stirs, clearly just as ready to see daddy.Â
She then looks back at her just excited girls, sharing, âtime to go see papa.â
âTime to get up.â
Solana has to blink a couple of times to reorient herself, almost entirely due to the shocking nature of her dream. A dream sheâs now had every night since being admitted to the hospital, glimpses, and what feels like peeks, into the future.
Her future.
But, at the same time, itâs a distant thing that seems unattainable and unrealistic given where she is now. On a legally mandated psychiatric hold after attempting to die by suicide.
âYou up, sweetie?â
Solana nods and sits up in the bed, accepting the water and pills in the small medicine bowl. She doesnât hesitate to swallow all three, offering a small smile to the nurse whoâs been assigned to her, making sure she takes her medication as prescribed.
The nurse, Carol, she thinks, reminds, âbreakfast starts in twenty.â
Solana nods, pushing back some of her hair, waiting for the older woman to leave before she lays back down on the bed.Â
She shuts her eyes.Â
The past few days have beenâŚ..an experience. An emotional ride unlike any sheâs been on in years. The last time she can recall struggling and feeling as heavy as she was was when she woke up from her coma and had it confirmed that her mother was dead. Something she knew but held onto the invisible string of hope that Nina somehow survived.Â
Even though Solana still recalls the moment she heard and saw her mother take her last breath.Â
Itâs a weight thatâs lessened tremendously over the past couple of days, since she woke up yet a second time, less irrational, not as hysterical. Part of her reaction was most definitely due to still feeling suicidal, still believing that being dead would be better for everyone. But her reaction was exacerbated by the fact that two male nurses moved to restrain her as she tried to move from the hospital bed. Having male hands on her like that was triggering and made her emotions that much more difficult to manage in an already tense situation.
But the second time she awoke, Solana saw nothing but women. Truth be told, sheâs only had women on her care team since being admitted. Itâs made such a big difference.Â
All of it has.
Being in this space, so separated from the outside world. Itâs been both difficult and welcomed. A nice escape from a recently draining reality but also a heavy separation that sheâs brought up a couple times now in her individual therapy sessions with her therapist, Gail.
That is the difficulty in being separated from Roman. Itâs a dichotomy. As much as she wants to see and talk to him, she wants to hide and avoid him. She wants to explain yet also never have to discuss it again. An avoidance behavior that is typical for survivors of suicide attempts, another thing sheâs learned in therapy thus far.Â
But more than anything, Solana just wants to talk to him. She remembers from when she was admitted as a teen following her first attempt that communication is typically cut off from the outside. She just didnât realize it would be the same protocol as an adult.Â
Something intended to avoid patients from being re-triggered. She gets that, but it doesn't make her miss him any less.Â
This is the first time theyâve been separated from one another since before the wedding, and itâs not a fun experience.Â
But yetâŚ.
Itâs not a horrible experience either.
No one wants to be in the hospital. And no one definitely wants to be in the hospital on a legal hold because theyâve been deemed a danger to themselves and thus needs 24/7 supervision.
That part sucks, but what hasnât sucked for Solana is being able to be as honest and vulnerable as she needs to be. To cry and fully acknowledge the extent of her feelings, to be as raw as sheâs been in her therapy sessions thus far with Gail. The woman whose kind smile, non-judgemental and self-disclosure of also being violated has created such a safe space for her.Â
Solana knew, knows, that she can talk to Roman. That heâs made it clear thereâs nothing she canât discuss with him. But, thereâs something about speaking to another woman, someone whoâs also sadly been through something similar thatâsâŚ.thatâs healing, almost.Â
Knowing Carol will be back for another reminder about breakfast, Solana pulls from her thoughts and leaves her bed to start her day.
Everything in the hospital is planned, time cut out for everything from meds, breakfast, group therapy, individual therapy and more. Thereâs only so much time in the day thatâs reserved as âfree time,â though being hospitalized doesnât present a ton of options for one to choose from during said âfree time.â
However, Solana has always been able to occupy herself and keep herself busy, and this is no different.Â
Later that day, sheâs in one of the common areas, utilizing her free time with one of her favorite coping mechanisms. One sheâs recently revisited and brought back to lean on. Pencil in hand, Solana uses the sketchbook she was given by Gail. No particular drawing in mind, itâs not missed on her how the bare bones outline of the face sheâs drawing has very similar features to that of her husband.
âHey.â
Solana lifts her head from the page, landing on two women who sheâs seen in passing and up close in her group therapy. Both are brunette with similar heights yet different builds. The shorter one looks like she keeps herself in the gym, slender muscles visible even with the hospital provided clothing they all wear. The other is a few inches taller and curvier, her breast stretched against the material. The shorter one is the one who spoke. One looks amenable, the other does not. The one who spoke is, unfortunately, not the one with the friendly expression.
Solana swallows, gaze somewhat traveling as she sees one of the orderlies already watching the interaction. Closely. Heâs a big man whose size looks disproportionate to the job he holds here, and sheâs noticed him watching her a couple of times. Yet, itâs never been a predatory gaze. AlmostâŚ..protective.
âSolana, right?â She nods as the two women plop on the other sofa adjacent to the one Solana sits on. âIâm AJ, and this is Candice.â She gestures to the other woman with her thumb, the brunette waving and smiling almost giddily. Before Solana can say anything else, AJ is leaned over, asking in a low voice. âYouâre Romanâs wife, right?â
Solana tenses. For some reason, that rubs her the wrong way, sends an unfamiliar chill up her spine. Something in her tells her to lie, but itâs no use in denying the obvious. âYes.â
AJ snorts and sits back, arm lazily lounged up on the top of the sofa. âWell, I was gonna ask you howâd you end up here, but I guess thatâs an obvious answer.â AJ laughs darkly, making her comment to Candice but directing it towards Solana. âIâd try to off myself too if I had to be married to that son of a bitch.â
Clearly, Solana has not been in a good place recently, hence her current situation. Her emotions have been all over the place. Thatâs why she chalks up her next actions to the fact that sheâs still coming down from her relapse.Â
Closing up the sketchpad, Solana sits up and doesn't stutter as she states clearly and concisely to AJ, âyou have no idea what the hell youâre talking about, so why donât you just shut up and leave me alone?âÂ
Candice's shock matches that of Solanaâs, but the former doesnât back down. Doesnât suddenly regret her statement. Maybe itâs adrenaline. Maybe itâs the fact that Solana feels the anger stirring inside her at even the insinuation that Roman could ever be the cause of her trying to end her life.
When heâs the one that saved it.Â
AJ, however, doesnât look shocked. She looks pissed off.
And then sheâs smiling.Â
âOh, sweetie, you have no idea who youâre messing with.â AJ starts to stand up, Candice following suit though she looks more confused and dumbfounded than anything. Like sheâs there but not here. âYour psychopath husband isnât here to save youââ
âYou lay one hand on her, and Iâll snap your fucking neck like a twig.â
Three sets of eyes land on the figure whoâs way too big for them to have not heard his footsteps, but thatâs exactly whatâs happened. The orderly who Solana has noticed watching her since her admission is standing almost protectively beside where she still sits on the sofa. His gaze and voice are hard as steel, focused on AJ and Candice. âI suggest you leave. Now. And stay the hell away from her.â
Solana looks between this man who, for some reason, is defending her and AJ, who still looks more amused than anything. She scoffs. âOf course.â Frowning, Solana is still stuck on the fact that this orderly whoâs working in a psychiatric wing for women whoâve tried to kill themselves just threatened to kill another woman when AJ simply turns to walk away, Candice hot on her heel.
And as soon as they're out of the vicinity, the man steps back, as if wanting to grant Solana space. He then exclaims, further deepening her shock, âyouâll be safe here, Mrs. Reigns. You have my word.âÂ
Mrs. ReignsâŚ..
Solana is suddenly taken back to her birthday trip, the way she was addressed by the pilots, the chef, and anyone else that Roman hired to assist them on their vacation. And thatâs when it hits her.
âBloodlineâŚ..â It makes so much sense. Why heâs always seemed to be around when sheâs not in her room, the way heâs watched her almost nonstop since she arrived, the way he intervened just now. âYouâre Bloodline.â
âDave.â He offers a small, respectful smile thatâs all the answer she needs. âBut everyone calls me by my last name, Bautista.â
________
âHey.â
Itâs interesting how a simple word can bring on such a reaction.
Just yesterday, the same word was said to her and followed up with a not terrible but strange interaction.
She can only pray this time around is different.Â
Solana takes a second to pause and shut her eyes before she looks up from her inner arm where she works on the assignment given in her first group therapy session.
Her eyes land on three women, all familiar faces because theyâre all in her group. However, sheâs never directly spoken to them prior to now.
Solana swallows and offers a small smile. âHiâŚ.âÂ
Solana studies all of them, different in skintones, builds, hair colors and even facial expressions. The one who spoke first pushes her raven hair over shoulder and clears her throat, asking, âis itâis it true that your husband had the orderlies and security replaced with Bloodline members?â
The question takes her back, Solana unsure of how to respond, not because she doesnât know the answer. She does. Baustista indirectly confirming that he was sent by her husband to watch over her has made Solana realize that itâs not just him who she catches watching her whenever sheâs not in her room. Itâs other men as well. Big, strong, much too in shape for a job like this.
The only logical thing that makes sense to her is that Roman is, once again, looking out for her. As he always does.Â
âThatâs pretty fucking cool. If so.â Another one comments, her brunette pulled to the side of her neck as she sits down on the sofa opposite Solana. âIt was even better seeing AJ put in her place.â
Solana swallows, quite unsure just how to respond to that. âIâI donât want to cause any problems.â
The first woman scoffs, also sitting down next to the other lady. âYou might not, but AJ does. I honestly donât know why they donât put her in the other wing with Victoria.â
âThe other wing?â
The third woman breaks her silence, explaining, her voice quiet and typical for her equally unassuming demeanor. âThereâs two psychiatric wings here. The one weâre in and another for moreâŚ.severe cases.â
âI.e. the really crazy bitches.â
âMelina!â The woman with brunette hair shakes her head, smiling a little as she formally introduces everyone. âIâm Mickey. This is Melina, and thatâs Cameron, but we call her Cam.â
For some reasons, the names fit all of them, Solana moving to the side as Cam gestures to the space next to her and takes an almost apprehensive seat.Â
âSolanaââ
âOh, everyone knows who you are, girl.â Mickey snickers, leaning back into the sofa and crossing her legs over one another. âYou might just be my new favorite person.â
Solana frowns, completely lost at this seemingly random title. âI donâtâ-I donât understand.â
âAJ thinks she runs shit around here. Her and that dumbass friend of hers, Candice Michelle.â Melina explains, shaking her head. âAJ definitely should be in the other ward with Victoria. Sheâs the psychiatrist that runs it. Doesnât put up with shit. Almost polar opposite of Dr. Stratus.â
Solana doesnât know much beyond whatâs being said, but something tells her sheâs most definitely in the better of two places. Even if just getting to have Dr. Stratus manages her meds. She really likes her.Â
However, this conversation brings up a very valid question that Solana doesnât exactly know how to word very well but finds it in her to ask. âSo you allâŚ.youâve been here before?âÂ
Itâs obvious, given the fact that theyâre all so familiar with each other and dynamics. Same with this AJ and Candice person, but Solana doesnât want to assume.
Thereâs a silence that falls over the women, and Solana instantly feels bad, feels silly for not recognizing how invasive that question is. However, before she can apologize, Cam is the one to speak up.
Shrugging, her smile is tight and undeniably sad as she says so simply, âdemons are hard to kill.â
And just like that, Solana has never related to something more.
Feeling overcome with an almost duty to share, her eyes drop to her arms, the intricate outlines of butterflies camouflaging the scars that will never fully go away. âI get thatâŚâŚI really do.â
Looking up, Solana feels the set of understanding gazes on her, instantly knowing without any of them needing to share specifics that they just get it. They understand the specific and tragic ways one can end up in a place like this, oftentimes due to demons beyond their slaughtering capabilities.Â
Mickey clears her throat, gesturing to Solanaâs arm. âYouâre really good.â
She glances down at her still unfinished art, a small smile falling on her face. âThank you.â An idea crosses her mind as she notices each of them attempted to follow through on the assignment as well but clearly struggled. âI canâI can help, if you want?âÂ
Cam gasps, obviously excited by the idea of it. âReally?â
Solanaâs smile grows as she explains, âIâI love art.â
Mickey squeals almost and pulls out a black sharpie from her bra, shrugging with a playful smile.Â
âWe were kinda hoping you said that.â
________
âYouâre quiet today.â Gailâs assessment continues as she asks in a gentle voice, âare you nervous?â
Nervous is an understatement. Solana fidgets on the sofa, running her hands down her sweats. âIâI havenât seen or spoken to him sinceâŚ.you know.â
Gail presses her lips together, nodding. âYou donât know what to expect.â
Solana nods, eyes starting to water. âI donâtâI donât want him to be upset with me.âÂ
Itâs officially been a week since Solana has been admitted into the psychiatric ward. An interesting experience, to say the least. Sheâs made enemies, made âfriendsâ, worked through and started to process with a professional so much of her trauma, and more. And while her longing for seeing and speaking to her husband has only continued to grow by the day. The day finally being here where sheâs allowed a visitor, where he will come to see her this evening feels almostâŚ.it feels too soon.
Sheâs just so nervous, unsure of what that reunion is going to look like.Â
Gail sees the thoughts brewing in her clientâs head as she asks in an attempt to redirect, âare you responsible for his emotions?â
âNo, butâŚ.but Iââ When she struggles to get out a coherent response, Gail presents a thought provoking question.
âSolana, based upon what you know about Roman, whatâs more likely? That heâll be upset with you or that heâll just be happy that youâre alive?â
Itâs such a good question, one that has the emotion bubbling in the back of her throat, emotion she shows as silent tears begin to fall. âIâI want him to be happy, butâŚ..â
âYouâre still struggling with feeling like a burden to himâŚ.â Itâs an assessment by her therapist that is wholly correct, but one Solana canât verbally comment on, only offering her agreement with a silent head nod. âDo you remember the exercise we did a couple of sessions ago about faulty thinking? About the ways your trauma influences your thinking.âÂ
Solana reflects back on that session, so heavy yet so helpful. It provided her such insight on just how deeply her experiences have painted her view of so much. Of everything, really. Including how she so lowly views herself sometimes.Â
âI want you to think about that and compare it to the thoughts that youâre having nowâŚâŚwhere are they coming from?â
Solana closes her eyes and blows out a breath. âMyâŚmy fear.â
âAnd if your fear was a living, breathing entity sitting opposite beside you right now, how would you combat it? Think about the cognitive challenging we discussed.â
Keeping her eyes shut, Solana travels back to that session, utilizing the skills and tips and knowledge sheâs learned since her admission.
She takes an âefficient breathâ, as Gail calls them. âIâd tell my fear thatâŚ.that you donât get to control me anymore.â
Gail smiles softly, gently encouraging the young woman to continue. âWhat else?â
Silent tears continue to fall, but Solanaâs voice remains firm and unwavering. âAnd thatâŚ.that Roman cares about me and just wants me to be okay andâŚ.and get better.â
Gail hasnât felt so proud and pleased with a clientâs response to the empty chair exercise in quite a while. âExactly.â She sits back in her own chair, jotting down some notes. âCan I ask what youâre feeling right now?â
Solana finally opens her eyes and wipes at her eyes, scoffing quietly. âAâŚa little better, actually.â She motions to her chest. âIt doesnâtâŚ.it doesnât feel as heavy.â
âGood.â Gail makes note of this and starts to ask a follow up processing question when Solanaâs soft voice beats her to it.
âCanâŚ..can I talk about something with you?â
Gailâs grin is warm and welcoming as she offers genuine assurance. âSolana, thereâs nothing we canât discuss here.â Sheâs pleased to see Solanaâs smile grow at this reassurance. âWhat would you like to talk about?â
Feeling on the spot all of a sudden, despite being the one who initiated the conversation, Solana does her best to manage and push through her anxiety. âIâIâve beenâŚ.Iâve been having dreams since I got here.â
Gail is mindful of her expression as she asks in a soft voice, âdreams orâŚ..â
Sensing what sheâs asking, Solana quickly shakes her head. âNo. Not those. Not nightmares. TheyâŚ.they really are dreams. Good dreams, IâI think.â
Studying her, Gail assesses. âYou seem unsure.âÂ
Deciding to bite the bullet, Solana shares in a low voice, âtheyâre dreams of me in the futureâŚ..asâŚ.as a mother.â
Gail nods. âI see.â She makes note of one of Solanaâs nonverbals. âYouâre smiling right now.â
Sniffling, Solana continues to share and exhibit so much vulnerability, most of which is solely because of how safe and non-judged Gail has made her feel. âIn the dreams, we have three kids. Twin girls and a baby boy.â She wipes at her nose and swallows deeply. âIâI want to be a mom someday, but I donâtâŚ.I donât want to be a bad mom.â
If these dreams have shown her anything, itâs that she wants more than anything to be a positive influence in her future child, or children's, lives. She doesnât want to cause them even a fraction of the parental trauma sheâs experienced.Â
And deep down, Solana knows that sheâs absolutely nothing like her father.
But, she knows sheâs very much been deeply impacted by her fathersâ abuse. By all of her trauma. And the last thing she wants is for any of that to negatively influence her children.Â
âSolana, what makes you think you could ever be a bad mother?â She shrugs, shutting down a bit. Gail sighs lowly, offering words of affirmation and support. âYou are not a bad person. You are not a broken person. Not a damaged person. Just a person whoâs been dealt some not so great cards, but youâre here, working on these things. Working on becoming a healthier version of yourself.â Gail chuckles, pointing out, âthat doesnât sound like a bad future mother to me.â
Really sitting on the words of encouragement and doing her best to not let the self-doubt creep in, Solana asks in a voice barely above a whisper, âdo youâŚ.do you really think I could be a good mother?â
Gailâs response is almost immediate, not a thought to be had as she answers honestly, âSolana, I think you could be a damn good mother.âÂ
Solana laughs, emotion seeping in as she nods, utterly grateful for such kind words. âThankâŚ.thank you. ThatâŚ.that means a lot to me.â
âOf course.â Gail would like to process this more, maybe get into some additional trauma work, but thereâs another important thing on her agenda for this session. âSolana, as you know, your hold will be up exactly one week from now, meaning youâll be officially discharged and allowed to return home.â
Solana eyes lighten up at that, an expected reaction as Gail gently slides into a deeper conversation pertaining to her release. âBut, thereâs something I would like to speak to you about.â
________
Roman doesnât think twice as he walks into the room thatâs suspiciously quiet to be located in a hospital, decorated just as one would expect a therapistâs office to look. He only briefly takes a look around before plopping his big body down on the sofa.Â
He didnât even pay any attention to the fact that Gail was attempting to extend an olive branch, offering a handshake that he so rudely ignored, clearly ready to get this over with.
She keeps her togetherness, offering a verbal introduction. âThank you for comââ
âThis has to do with Solana, right?â
Gail makes a face, pressing her lips together as she chuckles quietly. âOf course.â
âThen get to it.â Roman is quick with the demands, asking, âhow is she doing?â
Gail offers a tight smile. âIâm Gail Kim, the therapist on staff whoâs been handling Solanaâs individual therapy sessions.â
âDid I ask you who you were?â His stare is cold and uninterested. âI asked you how sheâs doing.â
Sighing, Gail refers to the tablet on her lap, opening up the notes sheâs happy that she prepared ahead of time. This is going exactly as she predicted it would. âYour wife is no longer endorsing suicidal ideation which means sheâs denying any thoughts and plans to take her life, which is significant progress considering itâs only been a weekââ
Thereâs a hint of hopefulness in both his expression and voice as he asks, âso, sheâs ready to come home?â
Gail hesitates. âNot exactly.â
The previous hopefulness melts into something cold and harsh. Roman is visibly and understandably irritated. âYou just said sheâs not suicidal anymore.â
âYes, but itâs not that simple. Solana isâŚ.sheâs an interesting case. Her trauma history is significant. Though she seems to be on the way to stabilization, thereâs still a lot of work that needs to be done. She needs continued professional help.â
âIsnât that why sheâs here with you?â His tone is cruel and condescending. âIf youâre too fucking incompetent to help her, let me take her home, so I can.â
Gail bites the inside of her cheek. If this was anyone else, she would set them straight on the importance of mutual respect. But, this isnât just anyone. This is Roman Reigns, and sheâs well aware of the fact that one wrong statement or sign of disrespect could very well end her life, so she does her best to remain calm and professional. And she tries an alternative approach.Â
âYou know, one of the exercises she did in an individual session asks about what safe spaces she has, sources of support and whatnot. And you know what she put down for almost every answer?â Gail gives a small, closed mouth smile. âYou.â Well trained in reading nonverbals, she picks up on the brief giveaway sign of emotion that flashes in Romanâs eyes at this. âShe put down that you are her number one reason for wanting to live.âÂ
Thereâs a good minute of silence before Roman asks in an uncharacteristically low voice. âSo why did she do it?â
Gail's smile shifts into a solemn frown. âIâll leave that discussion to the two of you. Sheâs expressed wanting to talk with you about that directly.â
âIâm asking you.â
Gail leans back in her chair and goes a different route. âItâs okay to be upset with her. To be angry at her. To be angry at and blame yourself.â Gail catches just a glimpse of surprise in his eyes at the last part. âTo actually feel your feelings.â
Roman, however, is uninterested in any of this. Offended even. âWhy the hell would I be angry at her?â
âWhy wouldnât you be? She tried to leave you. Thatâs essentially what suicide is. Escapism. It provides the patient with the peace theyâre looking for but leaves the loved ones left behind with a world of questions and emotions.â She explains, mindful of her tone and voice. âTwo truths can exist in the same universe. You can be happy she wasnât successful and still angry at her for trying in the first place.â
Roman is quiet for a good two minutes, Gail wondering if she should transition to another topic when he breaks said silence in that same low voice.Â
âI donât understand why she didnât call me. I told her to tell me ifâŚ..if those thoughts ever returned.â
âBut she didnâtâŚ..â Gailâs voice softens as she adds, almost empathetically. âI think youâll find talking with her will give you some of the answers youâre looking for. But, they truly should come from her.â
Roman wonât push. He wants to, but wonât. If this is something Solana wants to discuss with him herself, heâll respect that. So long as itâs not triggering to her, which it seems, surprisingly, itâs not.Â
Gail clears her throat and transitions to the next section. âDr. Stratus started her on a medication regimen of Sertraline, 50mg and Wellbutrin, 100mg, once a day in the morning as well as Hydroxyzine, PRN, which means as needed. The Sertraline and Wellbutrin are antidepressants, and Hydroxyzine can be taken when she starts to feel overwhelmed or triggered. So far, sheâs responding well, though it typically takes 4 to 6 weeks for patients to truly notice the full benefits.âÂ
Roman nods, as Gina or whatever her name is, continues to explain whatâs otherwise obvious.Â
âWeâve been administering her medication and given how she attempted to take her life, Dr. Stratus and I strongly advise that you or someone else take over that administration upon her dischargeââ
âDo you honestly think Iâm stupid enough to allow her to have unmonitored access to pills again?â Roman doesnât even try, not that he was before, to hide his frustration and irritation. Sheâs acting like heâs stupid. His degrees may be in business, but one doesnât need to have a degree in behavioral health to know thatyou donât give a formerly suicidal person free access to the same method they used to take their life.Â
Gail, however, decides to not feed into it. âYou know, anger is sometimes just anger. Just people mad as hell. But sometimesâŚ.sometimes itâs what we call a blanket emotion, meaning there are other feelings hiding beneath it, being presented as anger.â
Roma sits forward. âJust what the hell are you trying to insinuate?â
âNothing at all, Mr. Reigns.â A small smile falls on her face, and that only pisses him off even more. Is this bitch trying to patronize him or something? âBut, you should know that we offer support for spouses and loved ones like yourself who are supportingââ
âThe only thing I need for you to do is to help my wife, so I can get her the hell out of this place and home where she belongs.â
Gail takes a deep breath.Â
It was worth a try.Â
âI want to show you something.â She stands up from her chair, moving to her desk as she pulls out a key to unlock the drawer. âSolana signed a full release authorizing us to share all details regarding her care with you. But, there are some things sheâs explicitly expressed you not being okay with knowing and seeing. This is not one of them. And I think you would find it interestingâŚ.â
If not for the fact that the therapist already made it clear that safety concerns and suicidality are exceptions to confidentiality, Roman would be concerned, wondering just what exactly Solana doesnât want him to know.
But something tells him sheâs perhaps opened up in therapy about specifics regarding her trauma more than she has with him, and if thatâs the case, his only hope is that this woman knows what sheâs doing and doesnât trigger Solana further.
She walks back over, handing him a set of sheets. Roman takes them, immediately noticing the handwriting.Â
Solanaâs handwriting.Â
He gets to reading the bolded question that each has answers of varying length.
Who is your safe person? What makes this person safe?
My husband. Heâs the first man in my life to not hurt me. The first man Iâve ever trusted.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you trust this person with 1 being none and 10 being absolute trust?
 10
How does this person make you feel safe?
Heâs patient with me and listens to me and makes me feel beautiful.
How does this person serve as a member of your support system?
He listens to me and always checks on me.Â
How long have you experienced thoughts/urges/practices of self-harming behavior including suicidal ideation and/or attempts?
The first time I felt like I didn't want to be alive anymore was when I was ten. I woke up from my coma and realized my mother was dead. I just wanted to be with her. But itâs my brother constantly telling me I should kill myself after my momâs murder that made me seriously think about doing it.Â
He would tell me that it should have been me who died, and I should just kill myself because no one wanted me.
And I started to believe him.Â
Itâs been on and off since then.
Has there been a point in time where you have not had these thoughts/urges?
Yes. For the past four months.Â
If you answered yes to the previous question, what caused or contributed to the cessation of these thoughts/urges?
I met my husband. I had real friends for the first time. I found myself having a real family for the first time in a long time.Â
I was happy.
Prior to this gap, when was the last time you experienced any of these thoughts? What triggered them?
The day of my wedding. This was before I got to know my husband. I was scared he was going to beat me like my dad and brother.
What happened to re-trigger you? If uncomfortable sharing, list the emotions you felt during this episode.Â
Sadness. Anger. Confusion.
Do you remember what thoughts you were experiencing before the suicidal and self-harming ideation returned? What were they?
I couldnât stop thinking about my rape and my motherâs murder. It was like I was reliving them over and over again, and I couldnât get the memories and flashbacks to stop. It felt like all my progress was reversed, and Iâd have to start over, and I didnât want to put my husband and family through that, as theyâre the reason I even started to heal.
I just didnât want to be in pain anymore, and I thought everyone would be happier if I was dead. I didnât want to be a burden to my husband.
Looking back and reflecting on your thoughts, have they changed? And if so, how?
I donât want to die. I still donât feel as good as I was feeling before I found out the truth, but Iâm not thinking or wanting to kill myself anymore. I still have a lot of things I want to do. Iâm not ready to be done here. Just want to get better.
 Do you wish you would have done something different? What could you have done differently?
Yes.
Called my husband.Â
Can you identify at least one reason your life is worth living?
RomanÂ
Roman has oscillated through so many different emotions reading through this worksheet from beginning to end. Anger seems like the dominant emotion, his jaw clenching as he learns how close to the paternal tree Solanaâs bitch brother remained..
Heâs not much better than Xavier.Â
If not worse.Â
And Roman is determined to find even more, additional ways to make that fucker suffer the way he made Solana suffer for so many years.
Heâs also livid and something else unknown that on a day that should have been special for her, she was considering taking her own life.
And he hates himself for putting her in that position in the first place. He was the one who wanted to speed everything up, not even considering how traumatic that process could have been for her.Â
But he especially doesnât know how to feel reading just how highly Solana views and feels about him. She hasnât been very quiet regarding how much she cares about him, but reading her words, her writing, her honesty, it makes him aware of just how much she cares.Â
âYou mean a lot to her. And her healing and progress moving forward will require your support.â Gail cuts in, voice calm and almost soothing. âOne of the things I ask clients all the time is who their support system is and is there anything else they need from this person or personsâŚ.she couldnât tell me a single thing she needs from you that you donât already give her.â Roman says nothing, not even offering a nonverbal gesture or movement for her to analyze. Thus, Gail continues, reviewing her notes of topics she wanted to touch on with him prior to his seeing Solana in a few hours. âNow, I will say, Solana does exhibit strong codependent tendencies. Specifically with you. Sheâs extremely attached to you, and while that should probably be addressed at some point, her stabilization is the priority.â
Roman doesnât pay much, or any, mind to that last part. He doesnât care what this woman says. Whatever Solana needs, sheâll get.Â
Especially if what she wants is him.
Cause he wants her just as much.Â
________
Roman doesnât get nervous.Â
Ever.
But, heâs certain what heâs feeling in his fucking stomach is some level of nerves.
And he hates that shit.
Cause why the fuck is he at his grown age feeling anxious about seeing his wife? Perhaps itâs the fact that itâll be the first time in a week that heâs actually laid eyes on her, seeing her not lying unconscious in a hospital bed. That heâll be able to have her big brown eyes focused on him. Hear the sound of her voice, so soft and light.
He shuts his eyes.
Fucking nerves.
He decides to pull out his phone as a distraction while security escorts her to him in the visitors section, remembering a text from Paul that he should probably respond to. Not that he wants to, but itâs better standing here feeling fucking stupid andâ
âRomanâŚâ
He wasnât sure just sure how he would respond or react or even feel seeing her for the first time in a week, but Solana is barely able to get his name out of his mouth when Roman snaps his head up from the phone in his hand to the direction of which the voice came.Â
It happens a bit too fast for him to even process. The rise and easy falter of her smile, the gloss of her eyes, the tiny scoff of disbelief that leaves her mouth before sheâs running toward him. Roman wastes not a single fucking second to pick her up the minute she throws her body against him. And just like that, almost every trace of irritation, of vexation, of anger melts away.
Romanâs eyes shut as he holds her close against him, noticing how tightly sheâs holding him back.Â
Her voice cracks followed by a sniffle as she murmurs against his shoulder. âIâve missed youâŚ.â
For a brief second, heâs angry again. Angry because has she been asking for him? And if so, why was he not informed? Stratus has been texting him frequent general updates. That sheâs been consistently opening up in individual therapy, not as open in group sessions, often writes and draws during their designated free time, etc.
But nothing about her asking for him.Â
He makes a mental note to ask Stratus about that shit, but not now. Now, his focus is entirely focused on the woman in his arms.
âI missed you too.â Saying he missed her feels like an understatement. Roman has been fucking miserable without her around, but what good would it serve her to share as such? So, he keeps it simple but still accurate.
He ignores the small part of him that dislikes when she finally pulls away, but that dissatisfaction is easily shoved to the side when he sees her eyes watering. âIâm so sorry. IâI didn't mean. I justââ
Romanâs focus is now solely honed in on stopping her from crying. He canât see her upset. Not after what happened. He moves his hands to her face, gently cupping her cheeks and brushing away her tears. âLetâs talk, okay?â
She nods, stepping back, forcing his hands to drop but easily sliding her hand into one of his as she leads them in the direction from where she came. Roman wonât lie. Heâs not paying attention to much in passing. Just her. Itâs like thereâs a blurred lens on them, distorting everything around them except his wife.
And he has zero issues with this.Â
He has zero issues until theyâre walking past a group of three women who seem to notice that Solana is crying and stop her, the one who almost looks like she could be Hispanic asks Solana, âare you alright?â
Who the fuck is this? Roman would most definitely ask as such as well as tell her to stay out of their damn business if not for the fact that Solana answers almost reassuringly.Â
âYes, of course.âÂ
To make matters worse, this irritating ass stranger has the audacity to almost send a suspicious damn near glare his way. Just who the fuck does she think she is?Â
The woman on her right suddenly asks, her quiet voice strangely reminding him of Solana. Right off the bat, he can see they have similar demeanors. âYouâre still joining us for breakfast, right?â
Solana answers right away, shaking her head. âOf course.â
Joining for breakfast? What the fuck is this? A psychiatric ward or summer camp?
The women all seem to give Solana that âcall us if you need anythingâ nod before finally leaving him alone with his wife. Roman has to keep his sigh to himself.
Only Solana would make âfriendsâ at a damn hospital.
She finally leads him into what he would guess is her âroom.â Heâs instantly not impressed and annoyed because he directly instructed Stratus to make sure she had the best this place has to offer.
This clearly ainât it. He adds it to his list of complaints to bring up to the psychiatrist. Heâs also annoyed by the âsheetâ that serves at the door, irritated that they wonât have total privacy. But, he understands. Itâs a psychiatric ward. Not the Four Seasons.Â
Roman allows Solana to guide him over to her bed where she motions for him to sit down. He does as such, partially surprised when she climbs onto his lap, legs on either side. He doesnât protest though, simply holds her by his hips as he shifts so that his back against the wall.Â
Solana, however, keeps her head down, her hands scrunching the bottom of his shirt as she seems to force out, âI donât want to talk about thisââ
Thatâs an easy thing, Roman quickly moving to remind her of her autonomy. âThen donâtââ
She cuts him off. âBut, I need to.â She finally lifts her gaze, and my God, heâs missed staring into those pretty eyes, seeing her pretty face. âI canâtâI wonât avoid it.â She takes a deep breath, asking, âwhat do you want to know?â
Heâs partially surprised by how direct sheâs being, but in his defense, the last time he spoke to her directly, she was in such a different place. A much darker place.
That doesnât seem to be the case anymore, but he knows looks can be deceiving, so he remains cautious. His voice is surprisingly gentle, as he answers, âI think you already know the answer to that, Sol.â
Her eyes shut again, and he canât tell if itâs because of his use of his nickname for her or the emotionality of it all.Â
Both, probably.Â
She brings her gaze back on him, and he hates seeing the emotion building back up. Logically, he knows that thereâs no way to have this kind of conversation and emotion not be present. Doesnât mean he has to like it though. âI justâŚ.I couldnât think straight that night, Roman. I just kept reliving every bad thing thatâs happened to me but now with the knowledge that it was my own father that was responsible. And I justâŚ.I couldn't handle it.â
This is the part he can barely handle. The knowing of the role, a large role, he played in what landed her here. He feels like shit about it and prepares to take ownership when she continues.Â
âAnd I thoughtâŚ.I felt likeâŚ.I felt like all the progress I had made was now gone and that Iâd have to start over, and I justâ-I couldnât fathom going through all that again.â She swallows, tears starting to fall. âI felt like I would just be a burden to you and thatâŚ.it would just be easier for you if I was dead.â
Gutted. Reading it was one thing, but hearing it is an entirely different experience. To know this is truly how she felt, the thought process that led to her making the decision she made. The most likely reason she didnât call him.
Because she thought she was a burden.
It kills him.
She drops her head, and he moves his hands back to her face. âSolana, look at me.â When she continues to keep her head down, he repeats himself, voice still low and gentle. âLook at me.â She seems to hesitate but follows through, Roman hating how devastated she looks. âNothing about my life would be easier without you in it. You are never a burden to me. You never have been, and you never will be. I want to help you. Listen to you. Whatever it is you need, Iâll do. I just need you to tell me.â This time, heâs the one swallowing back unfamiliar and uncomfortable emotions. âI just need you to not leave me, alright?â She seems slightly taken back by his honesty and vulnerability. Truthfully, so is he. It was one thing to be so honest with her while she was unconscious, but itâs another when she sits before him, aware and conscious and hanging onto every word. âIâm sorry I didnât tell you about your father. I should haveââ
âNo. Pleaseâplease donât.â She shakes her head, interrupting him with that same small voice. âIâm glad you didnât.â The âshockedâ ball is back in his court as she explains, âI donâtâŚ.I donât think I would have ever wanted to know the truth. ItâsâŚ.itâs been too hard to have to deal with that.âÂ
Clearly. He canât even begin to imagine what thatâs like for her. To be stuck with the knowledge that her own flesh and blood could be so cruel, so hateful, so evil as to do what Xavier has done to his own daughter.
âThe therapy hasâŚ.itâs helped.â He believes it. Roman has noticed the sheets of paper that have positive affirmations and what he would guess are coping skills taped to the wall opposite her bed. She cracks a small, sad smile. âItâsâŚ.itâs been good for me.â
He believes that, too. He can see that. Thereâs a stark difference in her appearance, even with her being emotional as she is with the conversation at hand. She doesnât look as fractured as the last time he saw her.
She looks stronger. Happier, even. It makes his chest swell with yet another unfamiliar sentiment.
Love, perhaps?
Just thinking about it has Roman clearing his throat, needing to focus on something other than that right now. âHave they been treating you okay?â This has been pretty high up, if not the highest, thing on his priority list.
She nods, Roman noticing and grateful that her tears are starting to dry up. âYes. IâŚ.how many Bloodline men do you have here?â
âEnough.â She doesnât need to know the full extent of just how above and beyond he went to ensure no one on staff at this hospital could be questionable about their intentions towards her. âIâm always gonna look out for you, baby. Always.â
Her eyes shut, not from feeling overwhelmed but something else. Something that seems less heavy and more comforting.Â
Solana moves around on top of him, Roman somehow sensing what sheâs trying to do, and he has zero hesitations.
He shifts his body, so heâs laying on her bed, his feet dangling off the edge of the bed, but it makes no difference to him as soon as she lays on top of him, her head cradled in his neck, her arms around him.â
âIâve missed you.â Her arm laid against him, Roman reading to close his eyes when he catches onto something for the first time. He doesnât know he missed it either, because it stands out. Roman gently takes her arm, turning it over.
On her inner forearm are a set of beautifully drawn butterflies of various sizes and colors, the largest being a dark blue color and the smaller one next to it, different shades of red and pinks. There are three much smaller butterflies under the two larger ones, two of them pink and the smallest also that same dark blue.
She looks up at him, offering a small smile. âItâs something they have us do in group therapy. They call it The Butterfly Project.â She shifts her body to show him her other forearm, revealing additional butterflies before she lays back down as she was. âYou draw butterflies that represent the people in your life you care about and every timeâŚyou think of wanting to self-harm, you remember that youâre killing the butterflies. Itâs likeâŚ.like a reminder that people care about you.â
Itâs an interesting concept, and judging by the emotion in her voice, a concept she resonates with deeply. Romanâs long index finger ghosts over the larger blue one as he asks, âwho is this one for?âÂ
Solanaâs smile deepens. âYou.â Heâs grateful that she continues to explain so he doesn't have to think much about that sentiment very similar to love that comes up at that admission. âAnd this one,â she gestures to the pink and red one. â--is me. My future self.âÂ
That doesnât help the building emotion, so he again goes for distraction, motioning to the remaining three, asking, âand those?â
She swallows, something flashing in her eyes he canât identify, answering gently, âIâll tell you when Iâm ready.â
Her answer confuses him. He doesnât know what to make of it, but he doesnât want to push her either.Â
âHow is Dulce?â She asks suddenly, the sadness in her voice returning.
Roman wonât tell her the way her puppy sometimes sits by the front door around the time she usually gets home from work or the way she whimpers at night every so often, clearly missing her owner. Heâll spare her that, offering only a morsel of the truth.Â
âThe usual. Sleeping most of the day. You can tell she misses you.âÂ
Solana frowns. âI miss her too.â She licks her lips, asking almost nervously, âhow are Bayââ
Roman is quick to shut that down, a hint of harshness in his voice. âI donât want to talk about them.â
Truth be told, heâs not sure if heâll ever be able to look or view them the same ever again. It may be a bit irrational and unfair, but itâs how he feels. And truthfully speaking, heâs got ten million other things on his mind and in his heart heâs trying to sort through.Â
âRomanâŚ..â Solana sits up a bit, and heâs taken back for a second by how fucking beautiful she is. Even with the sadness in her eyes. âIt wasnât their faââ
âNot now, Sol.â His tone takes on a gentler tone as he adds on, for good measure, âplease. I just want to enjoy you.â
He knows sheâll bring it up again. She cares too much about the two women who Roman will never trust her with again to just let it go permanently. âOkay.â She lays herself back down on top of him, and Roman kisses the top of her head.
âHow are you?â
Heâs not quite sure why her question surprises him. But, the answer is an automatic, âfine.â
Heâs far from fine, but she doesn't need to know that.
Again, Solana sits up, that frown almost deepening. âAre you sleeping?â She reaches over and caresses his beard. âYou look tired. Hâhave you been taking your medicine?â
Roman is truly dumbfounded. She is the one who is currently a legally mandated patient in a psychiatric ward because she was actively suicidal only a week ago, and yet, sheâs laying here worried about him.Â
Roman has to push back that love feeling thatâs returning.Â
âI keep telling you not to worry about me,â he reminds, once again wanting and almost needing to stress to her that worrying about him should be the last thing on her plate.. âI just want you to focus on yourself.â
Her retort surprises him, bold and almost uncharacteristic of her. âAnd I keep telling you that Iâm always going to worry about you.â
Roman chuckles, commenting, âyouâre becoming more outspokenâŚ.â
She gives him a small smile. âI told you the therapy has been helping.â
Roman scoffs. Sheâs right. Maybe that Gemma woman does know what sheâs doing.Â
âDo you need anything?â
Solana says nothing, just lays back down against him, her hand moving over his chest, resting on his heart. âJust you.â She must glance at the clock on the wall as she comments, âwe only have 40 minutes leftâŚ.â
He knows sheâs referring to the one hour time block allotted for visitors. Something he absolutely couldn't give two shits about. âIâll stay as long as you want me to.â Heâd stay the whole night if that was what she wanted.Â
âRomanâŚ.â Itâs funny how he already knows what sheâs going to say. âThe rulesââ
His interruption is sharp, but itâs not aimed towards her. And she knows that. âI donât give a fuck about rules when it comes to you.â She sighs into his chest, offering no protest, saying nothing else.
Conversation is intermittent over the next two or so hours, Solana eventually falling asleep on top of him. He doesnât mind. As much as he enjoys talking to her, having her body on top of his is an easy, acceptable alternative.
Heâs missed this. Missed being with and around her. Roman is just now realizing just how much he benefits from having her around. Heâs been a complete nightmare for everyone around him outside of Dulce, even more temperamental than his usual default setting.
But the minute he laid eyes on her, saw her innocent smile, had her in his arms, everything suddenly felt so better.
Thatâs what she does for him. What she is for him.Â
Medicine.Â
An antidote. Something he never knew he was missing until he met her. It seems like it was almost impossible for him to not fall in love with her.Â
LoveâŚ.
Thinking about it again brings a frown to his handsome face, forcing him to face a reality thatâs so easy to escape when heâs with her.
Roman may love Solana, butâŚ.he can never act on it. Not really. Can never tell her he loves her. That makes it official. That confirms that he finally has something his enemies can use against him, a distraction, a weakness.
Loving her openly would make him vulnerable, would put her at risk, and he couldnât do that. Not just for himself but most definitely not to her.Â
To be with her like this, open and vulnerable, behind closed doors is one thing. Itâs an entirely different ballpark though to make that visible and public, even with just telling her.
Feeling her stir against him, Roman kisses the top of her head, tugging her closer.Â
He wonât deny that he loves her.Â
But, he canât act on it either.Â
Heâs just going to have to find someway to push that down, tuck it away for safekeeping.
Itâs just better that way.Â
________
Roman stays for about two hours, Solana waking up and reluctantly expressing her okayness with him leaving. Itâs not what she wants, definitely not what he wants, but itâs whatâs necessary.
If even for the fact that Dulce canât be left alone for too long. Â
Solana holds onto his arm as she walks him out, Bautista not too far behind to escort her back to her room.
But, itâs when he turns to tell her bye, Roman about to ask her when she wants him to come see her again (fuck visting days), she surprises him by reaching behind her back and pulling out a sealed envelope.Â
Brows furrowed, Roman is curious just how the hell he missed that when she presses it against his chest. âPromise me you wonât read it until you get home.âÂ
Now heâs extremely confused. Itâs been a while since Solana has written to thim. Theyâve progressed way past that, and it does concern him a bit that she didnât just talk to him about whatever lies between the lines of this letter.Â
But, he also knows sheâs been working hard in therapy and even in being able to open up to him about what happened that night had to have been a lot for her, so he wonât push it and will respect it.
Accepting the letter, he simply says, âokay.â
She offers a close mouthed smile, a sign of appreciation and moves to hug him once more, mumbling something in Spanish against his chest that he canât make out. When she pulls back, he doesnât hesitate to cup her cheek, reiterating, âyou need anything, you let me know, alright?â Theyâd already briefly discussed how she had picked up on the fact that he had his men stationed strategically all over this place, and any of them were able to get a message to him.Â
She nods, repeating to him, âokay.â Solana tugs on his shirt and leans up to kiss his cheek, murmuring against his ear, âbye, Roman.â
It seems saying goodbye is difficult for her just as much as it is for him, Roman unable to reciprocate it, only letting his gaze follow her retreating form until Bautista gives him a nod and closes the door behind them.Â
He stands there for a good minute or two before actually leaving.
Fuck. Leaving her seems to be getting harder and harder.Â
Roman is barely in the SUV, door not even shut when his long fingers are moving with all the determination to open up the envelope. He unfolds the piece of paper, unsurprised to find her neat handwriting.Â
Roman,
I need to ask you to do something for me, but I need you to please hear me out before you settle on an answer. And please know I wouldnât be asking this of you if I didnât believe itâs something I really need.Â
Iâm so sorry for putting you through this. I never want to cause you any stress or create any problems for you.Â
I wasnât in a good place, and this experience has made me realize thereâs still a lot of parts of me that still need to heal. I still have a lot to work through.Â
Thatâs why Iâm asking.
Gail mentioned a treatment facility she runs about an hour away. Itâs a 6 week program for women coming out of the hospital like I will be.Â
Roman, I think I should go.Â
I donât think I should come home just yet.
I donât feel ready. Iâm not having those thoughts or urges anymore, but thereâs still things I think I need to work through. I donât ever want to put you through something like this again. I donât ever want to end up back here again, but the only way I can do that is by making sure Iâm good before I leave.
And I donât know if another week can do that.Â
I miss you. So much. Itâs been hard being away from you and Dulce and everyone else. But, I feel like I have to do this. I need to do this.Â
For us.Â
But mostly for me.Â
I want to get better.
Please let me.
Te quiero mucho,
Solana
BTW, Iâm saying âI love you very muchâ in Spanish.Â
Because I do.Â
I love you, Ro.
And I donât need you to say it back or feel the same. With what youâve been through, Iâd never expect or ask that of you.
I just need you. Your continued support. Thatâs all. Thatâs enough.
With all my love,
Solana
________
âIâm so sick of your bloody fuckinâ shit, Seth! Itâs the same fuckinâ thing over and over again, and Iâm done!âÂ
The cadence, melody, and even tone of his wifeâs rant serves as the perfect resources for Seth who is lazily sprawled out across their sofa, beer in one hand, the other hand moving as if conducting an orchestra.Â
And he is.
Because this has become a song and dance with his fiery tempered, Irish wife.
Seconds later, sheâs practically stomping in the living room, their daughter in hand who is most definitely old enough to remember this little spat. He cackles to himself. How unfortunate.
However, Beckyâs enraged gaze is focused on him, disgust plastered all over. âWere you even listeninâ to me?â
He makes a sound, unbothered eyes falling on her, that infamous smile growing. âOf course, dear.â
Becky, however, knows better. Has been with this man long enough to know better. And sheâs done. âYa know, I thought you were getting better, yeah? But then that bloke Breaker comes over here looking for you, and Iââ Becky cuts herself off, refusing to start yelling with her daughter in her arms. Her accent is even thicker, as she shares while adjusting the bag on her other shoulder, âIâm gonna go stay with Charlotte tilâ I can figure out just what Iâm gonna do.â
What sheâs not saying is that sheâll stay with her closest American friend until she can find the funds and resources to move back home.Â
Sheâs just done.
Seth, however, seems unconcerned by the fact that sheâs leaving with their kid. âOkay, dear.â He snorts, falling into that all too familiar maniacal laugh. The one that typically accompanies the reckless and dangerous behavior that has her packed and ready to go. It was one thing when it was just the two of them, but with a child now, Becky has a responsibility to keep her daughter safe.
And there is nothing safe about her husband rekindling ties with the Nightmare Factory.
Not wanting him to see the pending tears, Becky kisses her daughterâs cheek and heads for the door, not allowing herself to hesitate as she rips it open only for her jaw to drop.
She scoffs. Unbelievable. With even more support for her decision to leave, Becky looks over her shoulder at her husband who climbs to his feet. âFirst the Nightmare Factory, and now the fuckinâ Bloodline?â She shakes her head. âYeah, you dig your own fuckinâ grave, Seth.âÂ
And with that, she moves past the figures, determined to not look back this time.
Meanwhile, a massive smile grows on Sethâs unshaven face, delight dancing in his dark eyes.
This is certainly proving to be such an eventful day.Â
He practically stumbles over but manages to stand firm as he takes a swig of his beer, burping loudly and then asking with all of the excitement, evil smile on his face.
âHow can I help you?â
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