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holdmeclosertinytaron · 1 year ago

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RHW: Chapter Nine

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A/N: The second to last chapter! I can't believe we're almost at the end. It makes me emotional because I'm so ready to show you how it ends but I'm not ready to say goodbye to Taron and Liliana.

As usual, thank you so much to @brayndilyn. Without you, this chapter would still be at the beginning. Your endless support and ability to write exactly what is needed for these chapters inspires me.

Word Count: 11.3k

Warnings: Mentions of childhood trauma, smut central...

April 14th, 2022

On Liliana’s final full day in Wales, she woke up filled with dread. She had put off talking to Matilda about everything until the last possible minute. Liliana had spent most of the week trying to ignore the fact that she was going to have to tell Matilda everything, and she’d done well to ignore the anxiety that crept up to her throat and threatened to cut off her breath.

Matilda slept peacefully next to Liliana so she opened her notes app again and read through the things she’d jotted down the night before. Though it took only a second for Liliana to turn to her little sister and watch her sleep. Innocence dripped off of Matilda as she cradled her new teddy tightly in her arms and Liliana wondered if telling her was for the best.

It was. She knew it was. It had been a long time coming and Liliana couldn’t go home without telling Matilda what she needed. There was no doubt that the guilt would eat her alive from the inside out. Her body shook with nerves as she went over everything in her head, and in her notes app again.

When Matilda woke up, Liliana smiled down at her softly before pulling her in for a hug.

‘Morning, Little Bug. Did you sleep well?’ Matilda nodded through a yawn as she rubbed at her eyes. ‘Good. I’m going to go and make some tea and toast for breakfast, would you like some? There’s still some Nutella in the jar we bought the other day.’

‘Yes please. Are you going downstairs to eat it today?’

‘Yeah we are. Come on, let’s go. Bring a blanket with you if you’d like.’

Liliana grabbed the hoodie of Taron’s that she had stolen before she left his flat and pulled it over herself as they made their way downstairs. Eliza and Hudson had already left for the day so Liliana felt comfortable enough to walk around the house without feeling like she had to check every room first.

Matilda got comfortable on the sofa while Liliana walked through to the kitchen, which was still a mess from the get-together Eliza and Hudson had with a few of their friends the night before. Liliana planned to clean up after she’d told Matilda what she needed to. The last thing she needed was Eliza in a mood that evening.

‘Hey, Tilly,’ Liliana smiled as she walked back through to the living room once their tea and toast was finished, ‘can I show you something after we’ve eaten?’

Matilda looked up at Liliana and nodded before she grabbed her plate of toast from her big sister. Liliana settled the mugs of hot tea on the table before she joined Matilda on the sofa, pulling her legs up under her bum so that she could get comfortable. She put the book she’d put in her pocket down next to her and took a deep breath.

Breakfast seemed to go on forever, despite it only consisting of two slices of toast each. Liliana had tried not to cry as they ate, and she’d done well. Until Matilda saw the book and asked what it was and why it had Liliana’s name on the front.

Liliana pulled the book onto her knee before she passed it to Matilda. The tears that she’d tried to hold back since waking up made an appearance and Liliana wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie. Matilda looked at her with worry and tilted her head to look at her.

‘Ana, why are you crying?’

Liliana took a deep breath to try and compose herself but it didn’t do much to calm her down. She wiped the new tears quickly and turned to look at Matilda fully.

‘I know that I don’t come here as much as we would both like me to,’ she cried, gulping the lump in her throat after taking a shaky breath, ‘but I’m sure you’ve seen how mum acts around me. She doesn’t like me very much.’

‘Why doesn’t she treat you the way she treats me? She’s always really nice to me but she isn’t very nice to you.’

Liliana nodded. Matilda had always been observant but Liliana hadn’t realised just how much. Her heart broke thinking about how much Matilda had seen and heard over the years that Liliana had tried to keep to herself. She wondered if Matilda had figured out what happened at Christmas, and the thought alone made Liliana choke out a sob.

‘I think that’s something I’ll never be able to really give you an answer to, little girl. It’s been the same since I was around your age. My dad did something not so nice to mum when I started high school and things changed between mum and me. That’s what this book is about.’

She tapped the cover and wiped even more tears before continuing. ‘It’s about my life. From the age of twelve to eighteen, when I took things into my own hands. The main character is called Tilly, because you’re the reason that I’m still holding on. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t ever come back to Wales.

‘I need you to know that I love you more than I’ve ever loved anybody else before. You’re my baby sister, and you deserve to have everything you ever desire. When you were born, I felt like my life was complete. I had someone to love and to care for. But things with mum made it difficult and I didn’t come back as often as I should.

‘I know now that I should have come back. I should have been here to be a big sister to you. You deserve to have a big sister who will be here with you all of the time. But I can’t do that, Matilda. I have to be in London and only come back a couple of times. I’m going to work on coming back more often for you though. Even if it’s just for a day. I love you, Matilda Sage. And I am so sorry that I’m not the big sister I wanted to be for you.’

Liliana physically couldn’t stop the tears that fell down her face and pooled on the hoodie at her chest. Matilda breathed fast, trying to think of ways to calm Liliana down. When she couldn’t think of anything that might work, she climbed into her lap and hugged her tightly. Liliana’s arms wrapped around Matilda’s small waist and held her tightly against her.

‘I love you,’ she said over and over again. ‘I am so sorry for leaving you and not seeing you much. I really do want that to change, even though things with mum are rough for me. I don’t know if you noticed but Christmas was particularly hard for me. Mum told me things that made me really sad and I had to go home and get away from her.’

Matilda held Liliana tighter, her own tears starting to fall down her cheeks. In Liliana’s arms, Matilda felt so grown up and it took everything in Liliana to not pack her a bag and take her back to London with her. She would have loved to take her sister away and be the grown up that she wished she had at that age.

‘I want you to try and read this book, if you can. I know that you’re smart enough to understand things that are said in it. There’s just one thing I need you to know, about life in general.’

‘What’s that?’ Matilda asked as she wiped a tear from her cheek.

‘You might hear grown ups telling you that you’re wise beyond your years, or that you’re an old soul. If they say that, I want you to tell me. Because I got told that a lot when I was your age and it’s taken a long time to realise that it’s not necessarily a good thing. And I don’t want you to end up like me.’

‘I want to be like you, though,’ Matilda said with a pout. ‘You’re strong, brave, caring, you love me, you have really fun clothes, you write books and get to travel the world. You’re awesome and I want to be like you when I grow up.’

Liliana took a deep breath and closed her eyes momentarily. ‘You are the best, Mats. You know that don’t you? You are so freaking amazing and I love you endlessly.’

‘My favourite colour is powder blue,’ Matilda continued after wiping the rest of her tears away, ‘but I tell everyone that it’s sage green because that’s your favourite colour and I want to be like you. You’re my big sister! You aren’t a bad person for not coming back much. It makes seeing you even more special. I love you.’

Liliana choked a sob. ‘I love you too, little girl. So much. I’m going to ask mum if you can come to London one weekend soon so you get to spend some time in the city and I get to see you. What do you say?’

Matilda nodded with the biggest smile on her face. She climbed off of Liliana’s lap and curled into her side instead, already thinking about the things she could do in a weekend when she was with her sister.

‘Can I see Taron in the play?’

‘I’m not sure it’s quite age appropriate for you, Little Bug. But we could go and see him at the theatre before the show? I’m sure if you ask nicely he’d let you go backstage and see everything!’

‘That sounds good too. Maybe we could do something fun while I’m there?’

‘Like what?’

‘Madame Tussauds? Can Taron come with us if we go?’

‘That sounds fun! God, you really are going to like him more than you like me. I can feel it.’

‘I like him. I love you. There’s a difference, silly.’

***

‘I hate to pull a form of mum card on you right now,’ Tina said as she handed another glass of wine to Liliana, ‘but how come you never told anybody how you were doing before? Before you went to Edinburgh, I mean.’

Liliana swirled the wine softly, watching the line of alcohol that clung to the sides of the glass slowly make their way back down. She knew that Tina had read the book. It had been on the table next to the sofa when she saw her at Christmas.

She also knew that Tina wanted to pry just as little as Taron had, but she also wanted to know more about Liliana and to make sure that she was okay after everything that happened.

Liliana took a deep breath after taking a small sip of wine, and looked to the floor for a second to try and gain her composure for what felt like the millionth time that day.

‘It might sound daft but I don’t think I’d realised just how bad things had gotten. I think because I’d been living with it for almost eight years at that point, and it got worse little by little rather than all at once, it just felt like normal life. I wasn’t trying to keep anything from anybody on purpose.

‘It wasn’t until I was out of the situation that I realised how much it had affected me and my teenage years. It took a lot of therapy time to come to terms with it all and start to heal. By the time I realised just how bad it was, and how much I’d kept to myself, it was too late. Everything had happened already and I’d left. It felt like I couldn’t come back by that point.’

Tina smiled sadly at Liliana as she grabbed a blanket from the floor where the girls had left them after their movie night and wrapped it around her legs to get even cosier.

After she’d told Matilda about the book earlier that morning, Taron had texted to tell her that his mum and sisters really wanted to meet Matilda and get to know her. So after the house was tidy and they were ready, they headed to Tina’s house for the afternoon.

An afternoon where the three younger girls huddled on the living room floor playing on Liliana’s iPad, and Tina and Liliana caught up after not seeing one another since Christmas, Rosie had begged for Matilda and Liliana to spend the night.

Eliza had allowed Matilda to stay out for the night, and Liliana couldn’t contain her excitement. The house had started to feel cramped over the last day or two and she knew that a comment would be made if she went back that evening, and Tina was more than happy to host.

They made their own pizzas for dinner and watched films in the living room. Rosie, Marie and Matilda had trudged so many blankets and pillows down the stairs to throw on the floor and make a comfy bed to lay on; Tina got herself comfortable on the sofa with a glass of wine; and Liliana sat on the chair with a blanket and a glass of wine.

They’d stayed there until the moon was high and the stars glittered in the night’s sky. When it was time for the younger girls to go to bed, they all crammed onto Rosie’s bed because nobody wanted to sleep on their own, and Tina and Liliana said goodnight before they headed back to the living room for more wine and to watch more films before they went to bed.

‘I understand. And I appreciate you being honest and open with me. I always worried about you. I always used to tell Taron to make sure that you were alright because there were days when your sparkle wasn’t there.

‘It broke him when you went to uni, you know.’ Liliana nodded softly and sniffled back tears. She could feel the lump forming in her throat but she didn’t want to cry any more that day. ‘He came home from the station, sat in that chair and just cried because he didn’t want you to leave. Don’t tell him I told you that though. I swore I’d not tell you so he would kill me.’

Liliana smiled. ‘Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Please also know that all of the times you invited me over for dinner when I was a kid didn’t go unnoticed. Thank you for always welcoming me into your home and making me feel included. It meant, and still means, the world to me. Taron is so lucky to have a mum like you.’

‘He sure is,’ Tina winked. ‘He’s also lucky that he’s got you in his life again. I’ve never seen him as happy as I have these past few months. You really bring out the best in one another. And you’ve got that sparkle back that I missed so much.’

Liliana could feel her cheeks reddening at the comment, and she smiled happily. What Tina described as her sparkle was really Liliana’s inability to hide her happiness. So when she wasn’t visibly happy, the chances were that something was on her mind.

It was no secret that she couldn’t stop smiling when she was around Taron, or merely thinking about him, but knowing that it was showing made Liliana’s insides turn to mush. She was absolutely besotted with the man and she decided that she never wanted to feel anything different.

The parts of her that were once dark and hidden from the light were filled, and lit, by Taron. He knew how to love her in a way that she’d always needed. A way she’d always craved.

He texted to check in when they weren’t together. He made sure that she always had food that she liked at his flat so that she could eat when she was hungry. He learnt how to make her favourite dish for the nights when it was all she could think about eating.

He learnt that when she went quiet, her mind was racing with negative thoughts and she needed distracting. He learnt when she was seemingly too energetic, she needed somebody to hold her and remind her that it was okay to relax and take time to herself.

On days when she’d been exasperated with work and she had texted him to tell him that she’d had a rubbish day, she’d turn up at his flat to him running her a hot bubble bath, with a glass of wine and a box of chocolate waiting for her to enjoy and relax.

He had, on multiple occasions, bought a book that he’d heard her talking about so that he could read it and talk to her about it. He’d driven almost forty minutes to her flat just to pick her up to take her out to meet friends in the city centre, and then he’d picked her up in the middle of the night to take her back to his flat so she didn’t have to get the Tube for work when she woke.

Taron made her whole.

‘I think I might call it a night,’ Tina yawned when their film finished. ‘Taron’s room is made up for you already. If you want to stay down here you’re more than welcome to. All I ask is that you switch the tv off at the wall for me. Otherwise it has a mind of its own and turns itself on in the middle of the night.’

‘I think I’m going to head up now,’ Liliana smiled. ‘I’m getting tired myself.’

Tina nodded and walked to turn the tv off properly. ‘That’s fine. What does Matilda like for breakfast? It’s something I forgot to ask her before I went to the shop earlier.’

‘She tends to have toast or cereal, but she isn’t fussy so honestly anything you offer her, she will eat.’

‘Is she not fussy or is she like you? You always used to accept things even if you weren’t too keen. Because you were too polite, and didn’t want anybody to feel as though you were putting them out.’

Liliana stuffed her tongue into her cheek as she tried to think of something to say back to Tina to defend herself. But there was no point, because Tina was right. Liliana had spent so much of her life not wanting to put people out that she would accept things less than what she deserved.

‘I always knew,’ Tina continued with a smile. ‘I bought waffles, croissants and pain au chocolats from the shop. And I’ve got Nutella and Biscoff spread in the cupboard still. Or there’s toast.’

‘You just said all of Matilda’s favourite things,’ Liliana chuckled. ‘Croissants are her ultimate favourite, but waffles with spread is her big treat when I’m here.’

‘Obviously, because they’re your favourite breakfast foods. Why do you think I bought them? Matilda is so much like you it’s crazy, so I assumed that you’d shown her the best foods to eat for breakfast.’

Liliana stepped closer to Tina and wrapped her arms around her. No words would ever be able to thank her thoroughly. ‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome, honey. Let’s get to bed. I can guarantee the girls will be up early.’

***

Liliana had been in Taron’s bedroom tonnes as a kid, and walking in that night felt no different to when she was but a young girl. His old posters were, miraculously, still clinging to the walls with Bluetac older than Matilda. The walls were still a deep, midnight blue, and his carpet was still grey and soft.

The only differences in the room, and the only things that kept her from feeling as though she’d walked into the past, was the double bed that sat where his old single used to be, and the larger tv that was on the wall.

She could remember the first day he got a tv. It was a chunky, silver one with a built-in video player and so much static on the screen that her hair would stand on end every time she walked near it.

Taron had begged her to come over for dinner that night so that they could watch his new Spider-Man video while they did their homework. They spent the evening sitting sideways on his bed with a blanket over their knees as they watched the film, their homework untouched on his desk.

Liliana opened his drawer and found a t-shirt of his to wear instead of the pyjama top she had packed. It smelled like him, and she realised just how much she missed him. As she sank into Taron’s bed, she pulled the covers up to her face and inhaled the scent of Taron before she grabbed her phone from the bedside table.

Your bedroom looks the exact same as it used to. It’s like walking into 2003 xx

My bedroom? Xx

I’m staying with your mum tonight xx

Two seconds later, her phone screen lit up with Taron’s face and she smiled before she answered the phone. She pressed it to her ear and closed her eyes as Taron started talking instantly.

‘Is everything okay? How come you’re with my mum? Did something happen?’ His voice was laced with worry and she smiled at how sweet he was for worrying about her.

‘No, nothing happened,’ she replied quickly to ease his worries. ‘Yet, anyway. It felt really stuffy there and she came home yesterday in a mood and made comments about how much more food she was buying, despite me buying a lot of my own food while I’ve been here.

‘I knew it was going to start an argument so I was going to stay here anyway. Your mum and I watched a few films with some wine and had a little catch up.’

‘I’m glad that you’re alright, darling. How’s Matilda?’ Liliana could hear Taron shifting in bed as he talked to her. Did everything go okay with that this morning?’

‘She’s amazing,’ Liliana said with a huge grin. ‘She’s actually currently sleeping in Rosie’s bedroom with both of your sisters. They all love one another and didn’t want to say goodbye tonight.’

Taron breathed a laugh through the phone. ‘That sounds like the girls. So everything was okay this morning?’

‘Yeah. We both cried but I knew that would happen.’

‘Love bug…’

‘It’s okay, Taron, promise. We sat on the sofa for a while and I held her. Or she held me. I can’t remember fully. I’ve planned with Eliza for her to come to London for the weekend sometime soon. Matilda requested that we come and see you at the theatre before the show and that the three of us go to Madame Tussauds, if you’re up for it?’

‘That sounds amazing!’ Taron exclaimed, and Liliana couldn’t contain the pure, unbridled joy that bubbled within her knowing that Taron was just as excited to see Matilda as Matilda was to see him. ‘I told you that everything would be okay.’

‘I know you did.’ Liliana smiled to herself as she fidgeted to find a more comfortable position. ‘I miss you.’

‘I miss you too, Lil. So much. But we get to see one another tomorrow night which will be good. What are your plans for tomorrow?’

‘Well your mum bought waffles, croissants and pain au chocolat from the shop earlier so it sounds like it’s going to be a feast of a breakfast and then I was planning to take Matilda to the arcade for a while before your mum takes me to the train station, but I might see if Rosie and Marie can, and want to, come too.

‘I can’t see your mum minding. She can always come down for an hour too if she wants to. It just depends how she’s feeling tomorrow. I’ll be back in London just after seven. There’s a semi-long wait at Birmingham so I’ll get some dinner from a shop in the station or something and then I’ll probably just read.’

‘That sounds like a good plan. I can’t wait to see you.’

‘Me too.’

‘So, my bedroom?’

‘Your bedroom,’ Liliana chuckled. ‘I can’t believe you still have your The Strokes poster. How is it still hanging on with that Bluetac?’

Taron laughed a solid laugh and sniffed. ‘I honestly have no idea. I wasn’t cool enough to frame all of my posters like you though. And I want to see how long it’ll stay there for. Might make it into the Guiness book of records.’

‘It probably will. This bed is comfy.’

‘How can I tell from here that you’re in one of my t-shirts? And knowing you, it’s the black one with the white checkerboard front.’

‘Hey! It’s comfortable. I miss you, and I want to hug you but you’re in London and I’m here, so this is the best I’ve got right now.’

She took a deep breath and watched the curtains blowing in the breeze that came in through the open window. There was something about Taron’s voice, soft and gentle, through the phone that made her insides dance achingly.

‘I miss you.’

‘I miss you too, Lil.’

Liliana snuggled further into the duvet and danced soft circles into the inside of her thigh with the hand not holding her phone to her ear. ‘No, Taron. I miss you.’

She could hear the hitch in Taron’s breath at her words. Liliana closed her eyes, thinking that she’d started something that Taron wouldn’t be interested in. But then he started to talk and Liliana smirked to herself.

‘Do you now, pretty lady? Tell me just how much you miss me.’ Taron’s voice dropped to a rough gravel that still, somehow, held a softness. It was the voice solely reserved for the bedroom.

He felt his body respond to the thought of Liliana in his bed, wearing his t-shirt and nothing else, touching herself to the thought of him. The response was immediate.

‘Taron, I miss you so much that I am soaking wet and I haven’t even touched myself yet. You’ve got me all hot and bothered just at the thought of you.’

Liliana’s heart rate accelerated and her breath caught in her throat. Even though it felt strange to have this conversation in Taron’s childhood bedroom, it turned her on just as much. Her hand moved from her thigh to the place where she needed it most, her moans rushing through the phone and into Taron’s ear.

Taron sat up in bed at her moans, and he could feel just how hard he was at the mere sound. He slipped his boxers off and took a firm hold of himself.

‘Lil, I’m going to need you to tell me everything that you’re doing. Tell me how you’re touching yourself.’

Liliana gasped at his demand. Taron had always been so soft and tender towards her that it surprised her that he was taking control. She loved it though. Normally dirty talk of any kind turned her cheeks a shade of red ten times darker than normal. But with Taron she didn’t feel embarrassed or shit, she felt sexy and desirable which made a nice change.

Her fingers moved away from her centre to slip to her collarbone and her eyes fluttered closed at the feel. If she thought hard enough, she could just about imagine that it was Taron’s fingers touching her, his breath on her neck as he kissed her deep. She could feel the vibrations of his moans against her skin, and goosebumps covered her skin.

‘Tell me, Lil. Tell me what you’re doing.’

‘I’m touching my boobs,’ she whispered, worried that Tina wasn’t asleep yet and could hear what she was doing. The enormity of the situation hit her like a tonne of bricks and she paused her movements for a second to try and calm herself.

‘Everything okay, Love Bug?’ Taron asked when Liliana hadn’t spoken for a few seconds.

‘Yeah. Sorry, just worried that someone will hear.’

‘They won’t. Are your nipples hard?’ Liliana hummed her response, and she heard Taron groan at the feel of his hand wrapped around himself. ‘I love your boobs. Fit so perfect in my hands. Reach down lower, baby. Just like you’re aching to. Talk me through it.’

Liliana let out a shuddery breath before allowing her fingers to dance down her body, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. Her legs fell open under the covers as she reached her most sensitive spot over the top of her underwear.

‘I’ve soaked my underwear through.’ Taron groaned loudly on the other side of the phone, having the luxury to not have to be quiet in fear of waking anybody up. Liliana braced herself as she made a statement that could potentially turn Taron feral. ‘It’s all for you.’

‘Jesus, fuck, Lil,’ he breathed out. She smiled to herself as she pushed her underwear to the side and let her finger caress her entrance.

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head at the sensation. ‘I’m so wet. Could just slip a finger in.’

‘Do it,’ Taron commanded. Liliana did as she was told, pressing her finger into herself. ‘I want you to picture me there. I want you to lift your wetness to your clit.’

Taron’s hand had picked up pace and his breathing was speeding up and clunky. His eyes closed as he pictured Liliana laid bare before him. He could picture her looking at him as she touched herself, allowing herself to be pleasured at the thought of him, and because of him.

‘I’m pulling my middle finger up to my clit,’ she told him as she did it. Her movements were teasingly slow, wanting to drag out the pleasure for as long as possible. ‘I’m starting with those lazy circles you like to tease me with. My finger is slipping around so easily and I can feel the pressure building already.’

‘Yes, Lil, keep going. Please.’

Liliana could hear the movement of Taron’s hand, and his breathy panting. It turned her on even more, if that was even possible, and spurred her to continue. She began to quicken her movements and she squirmed on the bed. The longer she went, the more difficult it was to keep quiet and not wake up the rest of the house.

‘Now,’ Liliana said as she shifted to sit up a little bit, ‘I’m pressing my finger into myself again. And a second one too, just to add to the pleasure. Now I’m bringing them back to my clit and I’m rubbing myself again.’

‘God, I love the thought of watching you touch yourself,’ Taron said through shaken breathing. ‘Especially while you’re thinking about me touching you. I wish you were here to feel how achingly hard I am right now. Just wanna be in you.’

Taron’s strokes had reached a frantic pace and he knew that he was close, but he needed Liliana to reach her limit first so he forced himself to take a deep breath and slow down. Since their first night together, he’d vowed that Liliana would reach her climax before he allowed himself to reach his, no matter how long it took.

On the other end of the phone, Taron could hear Liliana’s moans and the soft sounds of her arousal as she touched herself, and he knew that she was close too. He could picture her, eyes screwed shut and hips raised from the bed a little as she brought herself to the edge.

‘Oh, that feels so good,’ she moaned. ‘I wish I could feel you right now too. I wish you were here to show me how much you love me. I’m so close, Taron.’

A tear fell from Liliana’s eye as she strained to calm herself down enough to fall over the edge. ‘I’m so close.’

‘That’s my good girl, cum for me.’

Liliana let out a louder moan at his last words and they were just enough for her to push herself over the tantalising edge. Her orgasm washed over her in waves and her legs shook softly against the mattress as she let out a muffled moan and garbled versions of Taron’s name into the pillow to stop herself from screaming in pleasure. Taron had left her unable to form words.

‘That’s it, Lil. That’s my good girl. God I’m gonna cum!’ Taron was less concerned with being quiet, so he shouted her name into the phone as he gave himself the final few strokes it took to reach his own climax.

They both lay breathless on their own beds for a minute, coming down from their highs. Liliana was the first to make a sound when she breathed a chuckle into the quiet, sticky bedroom. She was shocked at herself for how comfortable she felt with everything that had just happened. It was a testament to how safe and loved she felt with Taron.

When she had regained her breath enough to move, she picked the phone up that she’d dropped next to her ear during her orgasm. ‘Taron, that was��seriously hot.’

‘You’re telling me,’ Taron chuckled. She could hear the smirk in his voice, and his breathing which was slowly getting back to normal. His voice had lost the gravel and was back to being his usual light, soft voice.

‘I mean it,’ Liliana continued. ‘I’ve never really been comfortable with any sort of sexting or phone sex before. It’s always been something I felt like I had to do to keep someone happy. But with you? You made me feel so sexy and desirable and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. I love you so much.’

Liliana sniffled softly as she pressed the phone to her ear tighter and breathed in the scent of Taron from the pillow.

‘Lil, it makes me so happy that I make you feel that way. It’s a goal of mine to make you feel that way, because you deserve to feel as sexy and desirable as I find you. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. The literal pleasure. And I love you too. So fucking much, baby.’

Liliana begrudgingly sat herself up and pushed the covers away from her so that she could use the bathroom before she went to sleep. She heard Taron shift in the bed and she knew that he was off to find something dry to sleep in. The thought alone had her legs rubbing together to find some friction.

‘I can’t wait to have you home and in my bed tomorrow so we can pick this back up again,’ Taron said softly. Liliana hummed at him and he laughed through the phone. ‘I’m not even with you and you’re fucked out. Go get some sleep, Love Bug. Good night, I love you.’

‘Night my sexy teddy bear.’ Taron guffawed through the phone and Liliana smiled to herself before she yawned. ‘I think I ought to get some sleep once I’ve used the toilet. I love you too. See you tomorrow.’

‘See you tomorrow.’

Within minutes Liliana was back in bed and tucked under Taron’s covers. She kicked a leg over one side of the covers so that only half of her body was covered before she drifted off into a peaceful, and satisfied, sleep.

April 15th, 2022

Liliana spotted Taron’s car the second she stepped out of the train station, and any lingering anxiety from her trip vanished in an instant. After towing with her luggage for the entire journey back, and through a forty minute delay in Birmingham which left her in a busy Starbucks with a coffee and her book, it was nice to be able to pass it to Taron who had jumped out of the car to help her.

As he put it in the boot of the car for her, Liliana climbed into the front seat of the car and took a deep breath. Taron’s car smelled like his cologne and the scent enveloped her. She relaxed into the seat and only turned her head to Taron’s side of the car when he opened the door and climbed in.

‘You’re home,’ he smiled at her.

Liliana smiled back at him and her entire body heated up as she realised that she was the happiest she’d ever been when she got home from Aberystwyth. She’d always get back to London and feel better, but she never got back to London excited. She was home. Not just in London where she happened to live, but with Taron.

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him and took a shaky breath. He looked at her curiously until she said the two words he hadn’t realised he needed to hear.

‘I’m home.’

Leaning over the centre console of the car, he held her face and pulled her lips to his. They both sighed into it and Liliana wrapped her arms awkwardly around Taron’s shoulders.

Taron let his tongue glide over Liliana’s lips and just as she was about to grant him access, the car behind them beeped their horn and they jumped apart with a laugh. Liliana watched Taron as he turned the engine on and pulled out of the parking spot, his hand reaching over to hold onto Liliana’s thigh.

The ride back to Taron’s flat was short, but Liliana talked his ear off about Matilda when he asked about her, and he loved watching her talk so freely and so happily. She’d told him that it was one of the first times she’d seen her for so long without an argument with Eliza, and he was happy that she’d gotten that time but devastated that it had taken so long.

‘You should have seen the girls this morning,’ she said happily as they got closer to his flat. ‘I took them all to the arcade because your mum had a bit of a headache so she stayed home. But they were little rockets! They won at most of the games, and all used their ticket winnings to buy sweets because there weren’t many prizes for kids their age.

‘There’s so much more in there now! It’s changed so much since I was last there. There’s a Crossy Bird game in there now which was fun, and I was so bad at it. But,’ she continued with a devious smile, ‘I got so many more 2ps than them all. They were all shocked at how many I got.’

‘You were always good at them,’ Taron replied happily as he pulled into the underground car park. ‘I’m glad you had a good time though. It sounds like you needed it.’

‘I think I did. It was nice to just be there and not feel like I was in the way or burdening anybody. Your mum and I had a conversation last night about before I left, and it felt nice to be able to, I guess get closure with it? I don’t know if that makes any sense. But it felt like there was always something left unsaid. Now she knows why I did what I did and I got to thank her for everything she did for me as a kid.’

Taron turned to her briefly before he parked the car and squeezed her thigh softly. ‘She told me. She said that she’s grateful that you’re back in her life because she missed you. She also said that you’re a bad influence and made her drink a bottle of wine to herself?’

Liliana’s jaw dropped. ‘Absolutely not! She was the one with the bottle in front of her and she kept filling my glass up whenever it was halfway empty! She’s the bad influence.’

They both laughed before Taron stopped the car and they both climbed out. Before Taron got her luggage, he pulled Liliana into his body and held her tightly for a short minute. Liliana fell into him and held him tightly around the waist.

‘A week is far too long to go without seeing you,’ she mumbled into his chest. ‘A day is far too long.’

‘I agree. Come on, let’s get upstairs.’

***

Taron’s living room was filled with all of her favourite people. Liliana looked around the room in awe. Her eyes welled up at the sight of everyone there and Taron pulled her into his side lovingly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as she wrapped her arms around his middle.

Evelyn and Jacob sat on the long sofa with proud smiles on their faces. Evelyn scrunched her nose at Liliana, a big tell that she’d been keeping it a secret. If anybody was unable to keep a secret, it was Evelyn, and Liliana was impressed that she hadn’t let on about anything, even when they Facetimed that afternoon while Liliana was on the train.

Jonathan, who had become a good friend of Liliana’s through the times she went to the theatre, stood with his arms in the air and a smile that mirrored Jacob’s on his face. He winked at Liliana as her eyes passed him and she gave him a teary smile in return.

When she saw Tina, Rosie and Marie in the corner, Liliana couldn’t believe her eyes. It had only been a few hours before that she had said goodbye to them. It had been a teary farewell, with promises to see one another soon. Liliana hadn’t realised just how soon Tina meant.

It wasn’t until Liliana looked around Rosie and Marie that she saw the one person who had her choking out a sob. Matilda stepped out from behind Taron’s sisters with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face.

Liliana burst into tears and held Taron tightly as the room erupted in a chorus of ‘aww’s. Taron kissed her softly before nudging her towards Matilda, who had made her way to them.

Liliana engulfed her sister in a hug and held on tightly as everyone watched happily. Matilda squeezed Liliana just as tightly and giggled when her feet lifted from the ground and she was spun around in circles.

‘Mum’s ‘headache’,’ Taron whispered in her ear quietly, ‘was because she was talking to Eliza for me. I wanted Matilda to be here and I knew it would be better coming from my mum who could talk to her. So she told a little fib and said she had a headache. Once she dropped you off at the train station, she picked Matilda’s bag up for her and they set off to come here.’

‘I love you,’ Liliana whispered back, kissing his lips gingerly before she set Matilda down on the floor. ‘How long do you get to stay for?’

Matilda shrugged her shoulders. All she’d been told was that she was going to London to surprise Liliana. Both girls looked at Taron who couldn’t contain his excitement.

‘We’re taking you home on Wednesday.’ Liliana looked at Taron with furrowed brows. ‘Mum and the girls are going home on Sunday evening. Matilda is staying here until Wednesday. Then we’re taking her home and staying at mum’s for the night before we come home on Thursday. I want you to spend as much time with her as you can.

‘I’ve spoken to the team at the theatre and they know that I won’t be there for two nights because I’ll be with my family. Everything is sorted. All you have to worry about is spending time with her.’

Liliana couldn’t believe the thought and effort that Taron had put into the party for her, and knowing that she got to spend even longer with Matilda made her hug her little sister to her chest once more.

‘We’re going to have so much fun, Little Bug.’

***

The party got into full swing pretty quickly once Jonathan handed Liliana a large glass of something alcoholic. It tasted like tequila mixed with something not so nice, but she tilted her head back and threw it down her throat anyway. Jonathan cheered as Liliana shook her head dramatically once she’d swallowed the concoction he’d passed to her.

It burned her throat and left her breath fiery. But as the burn settled and she got to taste the sweetness that had cut through the tequila, her eyes lit up and she wiggled her eyebrows at Jonathan.

‘Another Bailey coming up! I’ll keep them coming.’

‘You named the drink after yourself?’ Taron asked while shaking his head in disbelief. ‘Really?’

‘It’s my special cocktail so why shouldn’t I name it after myself? Say it, you’re dying to know what’s in it.’ Taron nodded a little, even though he wasn’t fully sure that he did want to know. ‘It’s tequila, coconut liqueur, pineapple juice and a hint of lime. You should have one.’

Liliana smiled up at Taron and licked her lips, still able to taste the drink on them. She leaned up just enough to kiss Taron on the cheek and he wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her upright.

‘We’ll take two,’ he said through a grin.

Jonathan sauntered off to the kitchen just as Let’s Get It On started playing through the speakers in the living room. The one single glass of alcohol Liliana had already started to work its magic and her confidence began to grow.

When Jonathan passed her another drink, she took a small sip and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. It tasted so much better the second time around.

Taron leaned against the wall watching everyone dance and have a good time, and Liliana joined him, letting her hand glide over his stomach. He watched her with bated breath. Her hand reached lower and he had to react quickly to move it back to a safe spot.

‘Babe, not in front of my mum and our baby sisters. Or your friends. Later, I promise.’

‘But it’s been over a week since I last got to touch you,’ she pouted. Her eyes blinked up at him and he tried his best to hold back the endeared smile that was fighting its way to his mouth. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘You’re just going to have to be patient, Love Bug.’

She sighed in exasperation but turned quickly when Evelyn passed her another drink over her shoulder and dragged her to the middle of the room that had been dubbed the dance floor so that they could dance to Watermelon Sugar as it began to play.

***

The evening continued with everybody drinking, dancing and laughing as they got to know one another. Evelyn and Jacob fell in love with Matilda, Rosie and Marie, and the five of them created their own little group. They danced more than anybody else, and not a single one of them went a second without laughing.

When it got late and the three youngest girls grew tired and were unable to keep their eyes open for very long, Tina took them into the bedroom so that they could go to bed.

Taron, Jacob and Jonathan decided that the best way to continue the party was to serenade everyone with their own rendition of Dancing Queen. They all stood around the one singular microphone Taron had for the karaoke machine, their heads knocking together multiple times.

Being Taron, he declared that he must be Colin Firth’s character because, as he put it, ‘he’s my film dad so it’s only right’. They sang the song together, complete with disco moves and random hip thrusts that had everyone rolling around laughing.

Nobody was able to rip the microphone out of Taron’s hands from that point on. He sang his go to karaoke song Faith, and Jacob insisted that he also sing one of Elton’s songs. Taron grabbed Jacob and forced him to sing Don’t Go Breaking My Heart with him.

The room erupted in cheers at the end of the song. Tina rolled her eyes at Taron, but adored how happy he was with Taron. Neither of them had outright told her that they were together, but she’d known since Liliana was in Wales. She just wanted them to be able to tell her when they felt ready.

After Taron’s last karaoke song, Tina excused herself to check on the girls, but she wanted to leave everyone to party without feeling like a parent was watching them.

Liliana finally managed to grab the microphone from Taron and she stood on the coffee table with it. Everyone cheered as she began to sing Toni Basil’s Hey Mickey, except she changed the lyrics to Hey Taron.

Everyone danced around her, enjoying how carefree and happy she was. She whipped her hair back and forth, and leaned forward whenever Taron was near to sing directly to him. The alcohol she had consumed had lowered all of her inhibitions and she was beyond grateful that she was able to relax and let her hair down.

As the song came to a finish, Taron stood at the front of the coffee table and Liliana fell into his arms with a dramatic sigh. Everyone clapped for her as Jonathan and Jacob grabbed the mic from her to sing something else.

***

The party went on until the early hours of the morning. Evelyn had tried to get Liliana to go to a club for the rest of the night but she turned her down politely. Jonathan agreed to go out with her though she wasn’t too disappointed that Liliana was staying home.

After saying their goodbyes to the trio, Liliana and Taron stood in the living room surveying the mess they would have to clean up. Liliana groaned at the sight of plastic cups dotted around the room, and decorations out of place.

‘Leave it until tomorrow, Lil,’ Taron said quietly. He wasn’t fussed with the mess and knew that it would clean up easily the following day. ‘Dance with me instead.’

He grabbed Liliana’s hand and pulled her into him right as he pressed play on Unchained Melody. The song played through the living room speakers that had been used all night. He started to sway them side to side and Liliana melted into his embrace.

She let her head rest against his shoulder and her eyes fell closed as Taron guided her in a dance. For the first time in a long time, Liliana felt so light and happy that she never wanted to leave that moment. If she could live in a moment forever, it would be that moment.

Liliana raised her head just enough to look into Taron’s eyes, her chin resting on his chest as she peered up at him through her eyelashes. Taron was already looking down at her and she fought the blush that was trying to reach her cheeks.

‘I don’t think I’ve said it enough, but thank you so much for tonight, T. I don’t think I knew how much I needed something like this, surrounded by all of my favourite people. And the fact that you went above and beyond to get Matilda here is just…well I don’t think I will ever be able to thank you enough for that.’

‘You don’t have to thank me, Love Bug.’ Taron beamed down at her before leaning to press a chaste peck to her lips. ‘I’d do anything for you. I always want you to remember that you have a family right here that will always show you love. You don’t ever have to be sorry for growing up and leaving, you know. I’m just glad we found our way back to one another.’

Liliana teared up thinking about the family that she’d created. It didn’t matter that Matilda was the only family who cared about her, because she had Matilda, and she had a bunch of other people who loved her like they were her family. She had found a family.

‘You are hands down the sweetest man in the world,’ she whispered up at him before gulping down a lump in her throat. ‘And I am by far the luckiest woman to get to call you mine.’

As the song had reached its crescendo and the Righteous Brothers crooned, ‘My darlin, I’ve hungered, hungered for your touch’, Liliana let her hands wander down Taron’s chest and towards the waistband of his jeans.

Ever since their phone call the night before, something had awakened in Liliana. She still felt desirable and she wanted nothing more than for Taron to fulfil the promise he made before he went to sleep.

The confidence that tequila gave her through the evening continued as she started to unbutton his jeans in the living room. The song hadn’t ended completely but Liliana leaned up and whispered in Taron’s ear, her breath sending goosebumps down his entire body, and a jolt of electric to his dick.

‘I need you inside me, right now.’

Taron didn’t have time to respond before Liliana grabbed his hand and pulled him through to his bedroom. He just about managed to turn the light off on their way out of the door.

He was, if he were to be completely honest, in disbelief at Liliana’s sudden intensity. Not that he didn’t love it, because he absolutely did. But usually, Liliana let him initiate sex and she was never confident enough to be in control. It was as though something was holding her back. A worry that she would make a fool of herself or go too far and do something that put Taron off.

But he’d hoped that she would come out of her shell a bit more. Apparently all it took was phone sex and tequila. He could feel himself growing hard at the thought of her wanting him just as badly as he wanted her.

As soon as they reached the bedroom and the door was shut behind them, Liliana pushed herself up against Taron against the wall and kissed him deeply. She poured every ounce of pent up emotion, and need for him, into it. Her hands grabbed anywhere she could get purchase; around his neck, in his hair, down his chest, and around his arms.

They were both completely out of breath when they pulled away from the kiss, and Liliana looked at Taron innocently for a fraction of a second before her eyes grew dark and her lips attached to his neck.

‘Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?’ Taron moaned quietly as Liliana ran the tip of her tongue over his skin up to his ear.

She still tried to touch everywhere she could reach, and she continued to pepper kisses all over him while also attempting to remove both of their clothes at the same time. However, she only succeeded in removing her jeans and socks. Taron could tell that she was beginning to get frustrated so he slid his hands up the length of her torso underneath her t-shirt to remove it for her.

After throwing it on the floor, he grabbed the back of his own t-shirt and pulled it away from his body, leaving his abdomen free to Liliana’s grabby hands. She held him close and kissed down his neck and towards his chest. His head fell back against the door as he unbuckled his jeans and shimmied out of them quickly.

Once they were only in their underwear, Taron nudged Liliana away from him so that he could kiss her lips again. His hands roamed her body until they got to her but, and he squeezed lightly making her gasp softly into his mouth.

‘Taron, I need you.’

‘I know, baby, I know. I’m getting there.’

Liliana shook her head. ‘No, I need you now. It’s been a week and I can’t physically wait any longer. I don’t even think I will make it to the bed.’

‘Say no more, my love,’ Taron chuckled as he pushed Liliana’s underwear down her legs where she stepped out of them.

He flipped them around so that Liliana was the one against the wall, and he smirked at her gasp. She licked her lips slowly and batted her eyelashes at him, hoping that he would become as feral for her then as he did the night before on the phone. It worked, and Taron shoved his underwear down his legs faster than he ever had before he grabbed one of her legs and lifted it to wrap around his waist.

Taron leaned an arm against the wall by Liliana’s head and his head fell forward onto her shoulder when she reached between them and grabbed his length, lining it up with her entrance. He inhaled sharply when he felt how wet she was. He grabbed himself and looked down at Liliana whose chest was already heaving.

‘Are you sure you’re okay with no condom, Lil? It would only take me two seconds to grab one from the drawer.’

Having him so close to where she needed him but not inside her sent Liliana out of her mind, and she held his chest firmly as she nodded her head. ‘Please, Taron, just fuck me already.’

Taron’s eyes widened at Liliana’s change of pace, but as always he was more than happy to give her what she wanted. He dragged his tip through her folds to slick himself up and he could feel just how ready she was. Lining himself up with her entrance once more, he leaned down to capture Liliana’s lips with his own.

In one swift motion he was buried inside her. Liliana moaned into his mouth as Taron wasted no time in setting a quick, yet thorough, pace. He held onto her bum to help keep her upright when he felt her leg shaking.

Liliana’s head rolled back into the wall and Taron peppered kisses down her neck and to her collarbone where he sucked a love mark, the only place she would allow. He wanted her to wake up the following morning and remember that night. He wanted her to be reminded of how much they wanted one another.

‘Oh yeah. That feels so good Taron,’ Liliana moaned. She forgot that they weren’t alone in the flat and her voice wasn’t as quiet as it should have been, so Taron kissed her again to keep her quiet.

His hips quickened their pace as he thrust into her, his free hand reaching down to rub circles on her clit at the same time. He could tell that she was close when her walls started to squeeze around him. It wasn’t a surprise. After a week apart and their mutual desperation for each other when she got home, it was inevitable that they wouldn’t last long, and Taron could feel himself getting close as well.

‘Come on, Love Bug, cum all over my dick. Cum with me.’

Taron’s words were enough for Liliana to tumble over the edge into an orgasm that made her back arch away from the wall and squeeze her eyes shut in ecstasy as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her. Liliana’s orgasm triggered Taron’s own and with a few final thrusts, he filled her with his own cum.

When he was sure that Liliana had come down from her high, and that she would be able to stand on her own, Taron slipped out of her and slowly lowered the leg that had been wrapped around his waist. He leaned his body weight on the arm against the wall and used his free arm to cup Liliana’s chin to kiss her.

As Liliana came back down to Earth and could breathe easy again, she noticed the feeling of Taron’s cum sliding down the inside of her thigh. Nothing had ever made her feel so wanton before. She was already throbbing to feel him again so she pushed her hands against Taron’s chest and started walking until the back of his knees hit the bed, all while kissing him.

Liliana pushed him down onto the soft duvet and climbed over him until she straddled his waist. He could tell that she was ready to go again, and he smirked at her with a light shake of his head. He tried to flip them over but she shook her head.

‘Nope, my turn.’

‘Fuck me, you are perfect,’ he whimpered against her lips. ‘What did I ever do to deserve someone as perfect as you?’

Liliana grinded her hips over his and his head fell back on his neck. Taron grabbed her hips and stopped her movements when he heard footsteps walking down the hallway outside of the bedroom. He knew that if anybody knocked on the door and walked in while they were like that, Liliana wouldn’t ever be able to handle the embarrassment, so he grabbed the blanket form near his pillows just in case he needed to cover them both quickly.

Liliana mentally chastised herself for being so loud with other people in the flat, especially her little sister. Luckily whoever was awake walked further down the hall and into the bathroom. Taron held onto Liliana’s hips until they heard the toilet flush and whoever was in there go back to their own bedroom.

After a few extra seconds of silence, Liliana giggled quietly at Taron. ‘That was a close call.’

‘You’re telling me,’ he laughed. ‘Now, where were we? Oh yeah, now I remember.’

Liliana smiled playfully before planting kisses to his neck and chest. As she kissed him, Taron’s hands roamed up her back and into her hair, tugging gently. She moaned softly at the feel and grinded down on him again. Liliana could feel Taron growing hard again and her own arousal hadn’t subsided so she raised herself on her knees enough to grab him and position him at her entrance again.

She took her time as she lowered herself onto him. Inch by inch she could feel him stretching her, and she breathed slowly to stop herself from coming undone there and then. Taron let out the most indecent moan she had ever heard when he bottomed out and she couldn’t hold back a grin knowing that she was the one to make him sound like that.

‘Jesus fuck, Lil, you feel so good.’

Liliana wrapped her arms around Taron’s shoulders to steady herself and regain some semblance of composure. She wanted it to last longer this time so that she could feel Taron fully. After leaning down for another quick kiss, Liliana slowly moved herself up Taron’s dick before lowering herself again. Her hair fell around her face and she threw it over her shoulder so that she would be able to lean down and kiss Taron.

She fell into a good rhythm quickly and the more she went, the more comfortable she felt being the one in control. Her hands rested against Taron’s chest as she moved over him. When she sat back so that Taron could see where they met, Taron’s jaw dropped open and he let his hands slide up to cup her breasts. He pinched her nipples and her head fell back as a moan escaped her.

‘This view alone would kill a mere mortal, and I am more than ready to die if this is the last thing I see,’ he groaned against her before licking her nipple into his mouth. Liliana squeezed his shoulders at the pleasure.

‘It’s a good thing you are no mere mortal,’ she whimpered as he moved to her other nipple.

She adjusted to the new angle and began to bounce up and down a little faster. Occasionally, she let her hands stray into her hair and tug the way that Taron did. Whenever she looked at him, his mouth was ajar and he looked at her as though she hung the moon. It was a bigger turn on than she thought it could be to see how pleased he looked to have her in control of their pleasure.

He planted his hands firmly on her bum to hold her tight against him. Her head fell back and her hands ached to grab onto something to stop her from toppling over the edge too soon.

‘You’ve got no idea how sexy you look right now,’ Taron commented as Liliana slowed her hips again. ‘You ought to be on top more often if this is the view I get because fuck you’re perfect.’

‘All I want is to see you come undone underneath me.’

Liliana shocked herself with the confession. She had never embraced sex like this before. Yes, it was pleasurable sometimes, but she had often seen it as more of a chore than an enjoyable activity. But with Taron, every time had been more pleasurable than the last and she wanted to have sex with him whenever she could. It had become something she craved rather than something she did for the sake of doing it. She never wanted sex with Taron to end.

Overcome with intense emotion, Liliana kissed Taron and hoped that he could feel everything she felt. She wanted him, and only him, forever. He kissed her back with a ferocity that she hadn’t been expecting and started to lift his hips to meet her thrust for thrust.

Liliana tried to sit back up but Taron pulled her back down to him. ‘Please don’t sit back up. I want to see you fall apart for me.’

They had fallen into the perfect rhythm and continued at that pace until they were both trembling and Liliana couldn’t hold on for much longer. Her walls clamped down around Taron’s length and her moans began to get louder so Taron kissed her to muffle the sound.

‘I’m there,’ she mumbled into him. ‘I’m going to cum.’

‘Cum for me, Love Bug.’

Liliana stared straight into Taron’s fathomless green eyes as her second orgasm consumed her. Soft moans escaped her lips even with Taron’s kisses to try and swallow them. He came apart with her, spilling a second load inside her. When they were both sated, neither of them moved or broke eye contact.

Neither of them had to say anything to know that they knew how the other felt. They loved one another and would always be there for each other, through all the ups and downs that life threw at them.

When Liliana’s arms felt too tired to hold herself up anymore, she leaned down and laid her head on Taron’s shoulder, still refusing to break the intimate contact of where they connected. Taron’s arms wrapped around her waist and he ran his hand up and down her clammy back.

‘Taron?’ Liliana asked. Taron hummed. ‘I don’t think I could be happier than I am in this moment with you. You’ve shown me what it means to be loved properly and I hope I show you the same. I know it can be hard to love me-’

‘Liliana, please don’t finish that sentence,’ Taron said softly. ‘Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t ever have to think about loving you, because it’s just something that I do. The things that you’ve been through are going to make you feel certain ways and you’re going to have bad days, but that doesn’t make it hard to love you.

‘If anything, it makes me more determined to love you more on those days. Because you deserve to feel this happiness every day. And you do show me what it is to be loved. You love me more than anybody has before, and I’ll forever be grateful to you for that.’

Liliana finally moved herself to lay next to him. She knew that she should get up and use the bathroom, but she was so content that she didn’t want to burst the bubble they were currently in, despite the fact that she risked getting a UTI. Instead, she turned on her side to cuddle into Taron’s chest and he pulled her as close as he could and planted a kiss on top of her head before covering them both in the blanket.

‘Night, Lil, I love you.’

‘I love you more.’

#rhw #right here waiting #lilianaesme #taron egerton #taron egerton writing #taron egerton fanfic #taron egerton fanfiction #taron egerton imagines #taron egerton fic #taron egerton blurb #taron egerton x reader #taron egerton fluff #taron egerton imagine #taron egerton smut #my writing

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goose-books · 2 years ago

Photo

view the image in higher quality here; thank you as always to my beloved @yvesdot for the template! last year’s year in review can be found here.

this was the year of godsong eating my brain forever and ever amen. and a good year for writing overall; i wrote a lot of very silly for-fun-to-share-with-friends stuff, and that felt very nice, particularly when i was in the Productivity Torment Labyrinth with school. transcripts and month-by-month details under the cut! (take the godsong character roster; you might need it.)

cws: alcohol (february), pregnancy (april)

january

i started the first draft of the first book of godsong for nanowrimo 2021; in january, i wrapped up the draft with the last plotline. godsong is split into three plotlines, each driven by a major character (our friends from the intro post!). though these plotlines will be integrated in the final draft, i wrote each of them separately, for coherency reasons; last to go was ambergris’s, which i think of, affectionately, as the HTTYD movie for dykes on mood stabilizers. interspecies pack bond except both members hate everybody else in the world. [forbidden friendship playing]

Vaska let her reapply the paste to injuries slick with saliva. Ambergris was aware of his gaze on her, his head tilted at the very corner of her vision, but she kept her focus on her unsteady hands, until she had finished dressing the wounds and she turned to find Vaska’s head right next to her own.

Her breath caught. This close, so near he could have pressed his snout against her nose, his eye was brilliantly bright, gold in the sunlight, shot through with darker rays. There were no whites, and a slit pupil rather than a round one, and yet Ambergris couldn’t shake the thought that he looked unnervingly human.

The other side of his face reeked with infection, so swollen she could barely see the empty eye socket. Long-dried blood trailed down his neck. The medicine was cold in her hand. She watched his gaze move, slow and deliberate, to the vial, before he raised his stare back to hers.

Slowly, tremblingly, Ambergris shuffled her crutches beneath her arms and held her hand out. Not reaching for his snout, nor straight for his injuries, but to open her palm beneath his head, just under his chin.

For a moment they stood in silence. Both of them frozen. Both of them, Ambergris realized with a quiver, afraid.

“Vaska,” she said softly, barely a breath, and the dragon laid his great head down in her palm.

february

2022 was the year of ash pyrris, aka godsong’s neopronouns-user marc antony expy, aka a bona-fide no-asterisk war criminal and the lapdog lover of the most popular butch milf in town. (can you imagine making an ancient roman read all of those words.) i spent the first three months of the year working on an extended second-person ash story (er. novella. it’s twenty-two thousand words) detailing xir backstory (referred to, inventively, as “ashbackstory”), and it remains perhaps my favorite thing i’ve written this year.

“Ash,” Julienne says, soft, calm. Not Captain. Your name, and when you look up she’s looking at you. And there’s something you have to say to her, and her face is hazy and huge as the moon—what were you going to say to her? Her eyes glitter coin-flip gold. Fuck, she’s beautiful. Like a saint. Like a god.

Your eyes fall on her lips, stained blossom-red with wine. And it comes back. “Julienne,” you blurt, voice too thick, too clumsy, “you’re drunk, you shouldn’t—”

“Ash,” Julienne says, low enough to stop your heart, and you fall silent. She’s gazing up into the stars again, and suddenly you want her to look at you again so badly it hurts like a kick to the ribs.

“I think my fate is coming together at last,” she says, voice breathy with wonder. “This city needs more than a high judge, Ash. This city needs a god.”

When you reach for your words, you have none. How can you argue with her? When you’d follow her anywhere? When you’d fall to your knees to kiss holy wine off her fingers?

You can’t.

You don’t.

That’s the horrific part, later. You don’t.

march

in march i read gideon the ninth, which is to say that in march i became a changed man. someday i’m going to get called out for the similarities between godsong and TLT, and to that i’ll only be able to say that the first draft of godsong came before i’d read GTN and i guess catholic lesbians just write the same shit about religion and devotion and grief and redheaded butches. anyway, lots of the character dynamics in godsong slot very interestingly into TLT necro/cav dynamics, so i wrote a scene from a godsong canaan house au. which then inspired my dearly beloved @lazarusemma to proceed to dream up and write an entire godsong/TLT au that i think is topping 20k words. if you’re thinking, “wow, i know stuff about TLT, i’d like to read the godsong edition!” then shoot me a message and brother, i will hook you up. (lines as featured in yves’s parallels post; in which ichari is felidore and spades is the ninth cavalier.)

“This ought to be good,” Sascha said, in a voice he certainly thought was a whisper. Ambergris did not answer; her gaze had slid past the Eighths.

The Ninth cavalier stalked to the middle of the room with the steady grace of a great cat. Though the skull paint muddled her features, Ambergris could pick out a square jaw, narrow eyes, dark hair chopped off blade-straight just above her chin. She was broader than Felidore, limbs taut with muscle; she stood steady and poised, statue-still in a breathlessly anticipatory way. She did not speak. She bent her rapier blade, as though loosening it like a ligament, and stood at ready position.

Behind her, Vanya Nonavulpa leaned back against the wall, and beneath the paint Ambergris saw its lips twitch into a smirk.

Felidore had disarmed Anemone in moments. They had disarmed the Second House girl in minutes, and even the Fourth House soldier had drawn them to a sweat but not a standstill. The Ninth House cavalier, Ambergris realized within the first breath, was a different sort of creature. The two of them crashed together with the elegant violence of a dance. Ambergris didn’t have the knowledge or reflexes to make sense of the flashing rapiers, or even follow their blurring arcs through the air. What she could recognize: the new speed at which both combatants moved, and the new intensity to Felidore’s dodging as they barely kept their ribs from the delicate touch of the Ninth’s black blade.

april

re: writing a lot of noncanon stuff for fun: thinking really hard about neopronouns marc antony led to an extended au where xe accidentally knocks up xir boringass coworker (stella errans), whom xe hates. this is colloquially known as “erranspreg” and i feel like i need to at least mention it in here because i can’t go fucking anywhere without one of my bastard friends bringing up the bland pregnant man. look, HE WANTS TO BE A DAD! his DANGEROUS AND MORALLY QUESTIONABLE POLITICAL POSITION shouldn’t get in the way! (say hi to the godsong roman triumvirate, btw, in which the role of octavius caesar is played by a teenage girl.)

“You are not pregnant,” Sisyphania clarified.

Stella blinked. He blinked again. “Well,” he said, rather uselessly, “I am.”

Which broke some sort of spell. Ash exhaled, hard, and reached expressionless for xir bottle. Leanna said, “Are you—really?,” and Sisyphania said, “Because that would be—”

“Inconvenient,” Stella allowed, shifting his weight from foot to foot and wishing she would look away. “Strategically. I know.” With a stiff shrug: “But the gods work in arcane ways. Better to take our blessings when they come.”

“You are being serious,” Sisyphania said, still very calmly.

Leanna whistled. They were making eye contact, which unnerved him; usually they spoke without glancing up from their papers. Not unkindly, they said, “Who’s the lucky parent?”

Stella watched Ash’s hand tighten around the stem of xir goblet.

He let xim feel it for a moment. Then he exhaled and said, “I’m the parent. I’m the child’s father. That’s all.”

may

...and on the note of teenage girl octavius caesar. yves once described me as having “never worked on canon in my life,” and i would like to declare that that isn’t true. i wrote SO much canon this year! i just happened to write so much more stupid AU stuff. this one comes from a document known as “getalong au” because the premise is that every character is aged down about thirteen years and they’re NICE to each other, goddamnit! (no one is nice to each other in canon.) specifically, the plot of this is “ash and carron raise carron’s five-year-old adopted daughter,” which makes this technically the octavius-caesar-kindergarten-AU, i guess??? i love to say words

Still, Ash maintained the brief and futile hope that it might go well, that whatever poor little Dickensian orphan Julienne was taking pity on might actually be tolerable. This illusion lasted until xe saw her: a tiny round-faced thing with big goggly eyes and a puff of blonde hair, half-hidden behind Julienne’s leg. She looked way younger than five. She looked like a stuffed animal. She looked like xe could have punted her easily into the sun.

And she was staring. Unblinking. Owl-eyed. Ash’s stomach curdled. It was one of the (many, many) reasons xe didn’t like kids. At least adults tried to be subtle. Maybe they startled a little when they saw xim, maybe their eyes lingered too long on the scarred half of xir face while they stumbled over xir pronouns, but they did most of their gawking out of the corner of their eyes, sideways glances they thought xe didn’t catch. Little kids had no such instinct. Little kids stared.

The kid stared. Ash lifted xir chin and stared back.

“This is Mx. Ash,” Julienne said, and her voice, though not the babying tone in which people talked to cats, was lowered, softened. Rare for her. She let one hand slip down to tousle the girl’s unkempt hair. “I promise xe’s very nice.” Which was paired with a biting look that told xim xe had better be. “Ash, this is Sisyphania. Sisyphania, you want to say hi?”

june

OKAY WE’RE BACK TO CANON STUFF. godsong has an achilles character and i gave her narrative awareness. i really enjoy playing with POV and i really enjoy writing second person; you may have noticed that ashbackstory, from february, is also second person! godsong’s character backstories usually are: you are [NAME], they say, and here is your story, and you are whoever the narrative says you are. only one godsong character has been granted first-person arguing-with-the-narrative privilege and by god is she going to use it. (and by god, was this a fun exercise in POV.)

This story starts with a sacrifice. It ends that way, too.

Your legend begins before you are born. Your father is a wise man and a great king, ruler of the seaside kingdom of Pyrrinth, devotee of Orinaea famed across the land and seas for his piety. When his queen dies, when he is left bereft of the only woman he ever loved without a child to carry on her memory, he kneels before the ocean for forty days and forty nights and prays for an heir. Then he lines six hundred bulls along the beach, a row that stretches a lowing dappled half-mile, and his servants slash their throats into the sea. The legends will say the terrible cry of six hundred broken throats still echoes off the cliffs. The legends will say the shallows washed red over the beach for years. The legends will say your father cut his hand and let three drops of blood fall over the water, and when the tide washed out, you lay, tiny and red-faced and screaming, in the sand.

The legends will call you Blood of the Sea, Blade of Shysha, Hand of Death. They will call you the swift-footed lioness of Pyrrinth, the flashing-eyed daughter of Orinaea’s salt foam, she who outraced the winds and wielded the war god’s sword. Your body is the pyre that burns Ivander-in-the-West. You are the last true hero called great.

My name is Atelanta Anankares. I am born angry. I am born great.

july

briefly leaving godsongland--over the summer, i tried my hand at writing horror for the first time, for submission to a shakespearean horror anthology! i think my piece (based off twelfth night) turned out, um, not very horror-genre. and i didn’t get into the anthology, which i’m not bothered about because i didn’t expect to (sometimes you submit things as a total crapshot in the dark). as a result, i’ll be posting this piece to my ao3 account on twelfth night itself; tune in this january 5th to see me do gender to another malvolio.

“Go to my lady,” you begged her. “Do not say that I am mad.” And again, a hoarse cracking scream: “I am not mad!”

Perhaps it is a lie. You would not know; you do not know if the cell is dark, though you cannot see your own bleeding hands, because the priest and the fool swore they could see as if wreathed in the light of God. If you are mad it is not your fault. If you are mad you are something to be cared for, something to be wrapped in woolen blankets with someone else stroking your hair, something that no longer has to fight and claw and cry out against the rest of the world. If you are mad it is not your fault. If you are mad she may feel sorry for you. How easy it would be. How simple. The price, of course, is being wrong. You play with the cuff of your sleeve, twisting it back and forth though it chafes against your wrist. You are not sure if you fear being wrong less than you fear knowing this. Than knowing she is in danger. Than knowing she is alone.

You are alone. Your shoulders have stopped shaking with sobs; your voice has given way. You are as sane as any man in Illyria, unless you are mad, unless you are wrong, and in truth you are not sure you know the difference anymore.

august

and we’re back in godsongville. in july, i started working on the first draft of the second godsong book. maybe i ought to edit the first one first, but i hate editing and i didn’t want to get bogged down. godsong1 is split into three plotlines, as mentioned; godsong2 (godspark) has just two, so i started with the shorter one, a continuation of the shakespeare’s-julius-caesar-themed plotline. in godsong1, this was narrated by local traumatized gladiator spades; in godsong2, her weird little roadkill-looking bestie has the reins, and they were biting my fingers the entire fucking time. yes, they have the same name as their patron god (a two-faced fox); they did this on purpose; i apologize on their behalf.

As Vulpa eased their box of matches from their belt, they thought fleetingly of the old story: their god and the sun. Sometimes it was both faces, in the story; usually it was only the younger half, pup-soft and arrogant. Leandros had crafted the sun between his hands like pottery, breathing a glow into its mouth to hang it in the sky and light the earth. One by one the other gods came to him to gaze at it; one by one they departed. Only the younger face—the one whose name they had taken—paused.

“I should like,” it said, “to hold it.”

When Leandros narrowed his eyes, the god Vulpa swore to the stars on his cloak that it should only hold and never take—“for if I flee with it,” it added, “I shall call Vasha, and you may have our shared eye.” And this concept made Leandros hungry, for the stories said that the eye the faces shared could see into past and future alike, and with that the art god might create divine things indeed. And so he drew back his cloak and stepped aside and allowed them to hold the sun.

Yet as soon as he moved aside, Vulpa cried out, “Our eye I promised, but not our blood, and there is no bloodless blinding! And the stars we swore to only stretch as far as the hem of your robes, and we can leap that distance in a moment—” and so saying, it snatched the sun and leapt the moon and fled across the sky, light bleeding from between its teeth. But Vulpa had spoken too quickly; the sun in its mouth seared hot as a fresh coal, and halfway through the sky it dropped its prize, smoke spilling from its jaws. No matter—it left Leandros to gather up the burning coin and fled laughing to the cave that it called home.

september

see above. i finished the vulpa POV plotline this month, and yeah, it gave me hell the whole way through. spades is relatively easy to write because she thinks like a normal person. vulpa can have thought spirals you’ve never even IMAGINED, babygirl. this is one of its only chill moments.

Spades sat still as marble, elbows on the bench, hands beneath her chin, staring at the far wall. Vulpa let itself gaze at her profile: the scar slitting over the low bridge of her flat nose, the hair chopped off knife-straight at her square jaw. Sometimes it recalled the way she had looked when they met, that very first moment with her hair falling past her shoulders, but it could never quite reconcile that with how she looked now. This was Spades, in front of them; the hapless half-gladiator with the grabbable silken mane was Cinquedea.

“Is there something on my face,” Spades said, without moving.

“Stoic heroic torment,” Vulpa said.

For which it won the smallest of eye rolls.

october

this was the month i wrote the least; i was recovering from finishing vulpaplot and preparing to dive into the next plotline for nanowrimo! so take this scrap from a noncanon piece i wrote where vulpa (horrible little rat creature, hates rich people, eats cigarettes off the floor) and sascha (rich people, resident airheaded prettyboygirl) hook up. neither of them are having all that much fun. neither is anna, who walks in on it.

Their teeth knocked together. Vulpa hissed; Sascha cursed. Then his hands were on its shoulders, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise, and they clutched at each other, Vulpa like it could pull him off the desk and Sascha dragging it forward until it stood between his knees up on its toes crumpling his coat in its hands mashing its mouth against his thinking Here fucking taste it then get my blood in your mouth get my hideous heathengod filth all over you is this what you asked for—

“I—am sorry,” came a low voice from the doorway.

Oh mother fuck, Vulpa thought, and bit him.

Hard, judging by his shriek and the sudden burst of blood on its tongue. Vulpa shoved him away and staggered back, cold with horror, tinted glasses hanging off its face.

In the doorway, Annadrijanna Ivtouched stood silent and still, face betraying no touch of emotion except, perhaps, a deep and fantastic exhaustion.

november

set to work on the other plotline of the second godsong book! in which anna’s plot and ambergris’s plot intertwine, because everybody ends up in the same place: ambergris’s fucked-up family home with her horrible horrible parents who breed birds. “why not this,” anna thinks, “life as the chosen one is already so goddamn weird.”

“The man who drove us up the hill,” Anna said. “He said there has been… a god wronged.”

“Yes.”

One word, and an answer she had already surmised from Iv’s messages. Even so, it was a stone to the chest. “Which one?”

Ambergris shrugged. “Eggs have gone missing,” she said. “My father thinks it’s thief.” Her frown was a barely-there twitch. “Um—theft. He’s put guards around the mews.”

It took Anna a moment. “The—falcons’ eggs.”

“The falcons,” Ambergris repeated. “You must understand—” Another slight smile. “They’ve made us very rich.”

She looked remarkably unbothered. No bird perched on her shoulder or wheeled about her head, and Anna realized she had ascribed it in the back of her mind to the crutches, as if a falcon small enough to hold in two hands could unbalance her further. “And do you think it’s theft?”

Ambergris blinked at her, slow, almost feline. “I think if this house is cursed,” she said, “it’s a curse that’s been a long time coming.”

december

trying to do nano and school at the same time beat my ass, so i took a little break in december. i haven’t finished godsong2 yet, but i’m hoping to pick it up again in january! in the meantime, i went back and fleshed out some bits of godsong1 now that i have more lore. +10 trauma points for anna.

At some point they lay back on the gauze-soft blankets, just as they had in the cave: Anna’s arm under Cairo’s shoulders; Cairo curved into his side with her head on his flat chest; Anna running his hand up her stretch-marked thighs, her soft stomach, her small breasts—over her nightgown, not pushing for more, just marveling at her. Just to say with his touch a thing he couldn’t quite fit in words. When she reached out, fingers kiss-light, to trail her fingers over his shoulder and down his side, he wondered how long it had been since anyone had touched him this gently.

Even as he thought it, her hand drifted to his hip. His left hip. Anna stiffened.

“What happened to you?” Cairo murmured. One finger traced a line along the scar slicing over the bone, tissue thick and knotted as mooring rope. Easy to curtain with his robes; impossible to miss in his underclothes. “I mean here.”

Bile in his throat. A flash of memory, scalding sea-gray eyes and blood between white teeth.

“It was a war,” Anna got out, cupping Cairo’s hand to move it away. When she blinked, he managed a soft, “Please—it hurts.” A lie dropped from a holy tongue like prayersong. The scar only ached when it rained. The memory hurt.

i know it’s been a quiet year for this blog, but thank you to everyone who’s stuck around and taken interest in my projects! wishing you a very very peaceful and fulfilling 2023

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thenextmovement · 1 year ago

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I'm somewhere in Alaska / I'm iced out, get ghost, now I look like Casper (Best of Young Slo-Be)

Young Slo-Be - ‘Real Luv’ (July 2019) Young Slo-Be - ‘Play Me’ ( July 2019) Young Slo-Be & Bris - ’21:42’ (September 2019) Young Slo-Be - ‘Trife’ (October 2019) Young Slo-Be - ‘G-Way’ (July 2020) Young Slo-Be ft Bris, EBK Young Joc & EBK Juvie Ju - ‘This Ain’t Nun New’ (July 2020) Young Slo-Be - ‘1AM in Stockton’ (August 2020) Mac J ft EBK Young Joc & Young Slo-Be - ‘Minswell’ (November 2020) Young Slo-Be - ‘NGH’ (March 2021) Young Slo-Be - ‘Shay Shay’ (April 2021) Young Slo-Be - 'Southeast Demons' (June 2021) Young Slo-Be - ‘Stay On Point’ (October 2021) Young Slo-Be - ‘Nike’ (January 2022) Young Slo-Be - ‘Black Heart Dead Rose’ (March 2022) Young Slo-Be - ‘Ricky’ (June 2022) Young Slo-Be ft DaBoii - ‘Ouwee’ (June 2022) Young Slo-Be - ‘Pony’ (June 2022) Young Slo-Be - ‘HoodStar’ (June 2022) Young Slo-Be - ‘Blast It’ (June 2022) Tr3yway6k, Young Slo-Be, EBK Young Joc & YoungThreat - ‘South Central 2 South East’ (July 2022)

Stockton's Young Slo-Be should have lived long enough to be a star. He already rapped like one before he was murdered, aged just 29, in August last year.

Instead, we get the life half-lived, the music cut off somewhere on its ascent, the peak hidden just beyond the next bend. Against a life, it's scant consolation.

Yet what music it was. At its best: raw and magnetic and mesmerising in a way that so much music fails to be. More should be written about it. Slo-Be's last album alone had moments where his powers as a rapper reached new heights. 'Hoodstar' plays out like a whirlpool- an artist circling around a ruin that he knew could be his own and rapping like it. Then there's 'Blast It'- somehow more still and yet even more desperate. Its title lyric sounds like a resignation to constant peril. In the verses, the betrayals by close friends and the loss of others, even family scars, linger and smart. It's a departure, in other words, from the nihilism of 'Minswell'- a track as wonderfully detached as the slurred read of its hook.

But the range was always there. 'Real Luv'- one of the first Slo-Be tracks I heard- was an early indicator of his ability to find the pockets in a pitched-up sample, and make something genuinely catchy in the process. Yet tonally it was a million miles away from Slo-Be's other tracks. 'Trife', also from 2019, was an early sketch of his environment's relentless cycles, '...still in the hood, still buying pounds, still buying these pounds...'. Slo-Be sounded almost regretful about being all in. It didn't detract from the venom of his delivery- the production on 'Nike' is as precarious as footsteps on a highwire but Slo-Be seems to have had that talent of rapping softly and fearlessly so that he never falls off it, and in the process ratchets up the tension to unbearable levels. Later in the catalogue, the words tumble out to completely different effect on 'Black Heart Dead Rose', where his lyrics seem filled with genuine frustration and bitterness.

His voice, in all of these tracks, compels you to listen. It was a voice that had so much more to say.

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texasobserver · 2 years ago

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From “The New Children’s Crusade: Recruiting for America’s Culture War” by Texas Observer McHam Investigative Fellow Josephine Lee, in the March/April 2023 issue of our magazine:

Wearing a blue America First cap, 19-year-old Max White stood among a dozen protesters, softly mouthing the Hail Mary prayers over and over: “Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.”

Around White flew the flags of right-wing extremist groups, including the American Nationalist Initiative and the New Columbia Movement, carried by men who looked to be in their 20s, strapped with rosaries or assault rifles or both. On a cloudless January day in Dallas, they faced off against a group of nearly 100 community members who showed up to support the drag show performance that White and his peers were protesting.

“I started going to these events last year, starting with the Pride event in Oak Lawn. … I was like, ‘If these people are going to go and protest this kind of stuff, just perverse sexual stuff for kids, I’m going,’” he said.

Since he was 16, White has been following young white-supremacist agitator Nick Fuentes and groups like Protect Texas Kids, which has been targeting drag shows in North Texas, including the one that day in Dallas. The organization was founded and is directed by recent college graduate Kelly Neidert, who achieved notoriety by calling for transgender people to be criminalized and Pride event participants to be “rounded up” while she was the chapter chair of the Young Conservatives of Texas (YCT) at the University of North Texas in Denton. Now she is using the activism skills she learned from YCT to lead other young conservatives like White, a freshman political science major who hopes to become a lawyer one day.

“You have all these groups that are weaponizing young people in ways that we really haven’t seen before,” conservative political consultant Micah Bock told a group of teenagers and younger children to thunderous applause at last fall’s Texas Youth Summit. As he spoke, young girls at the front of the crowd took notes with their pom-pom pens bobbing.

It’s all part of a nationwide effort by multiple well-funded groups, many of which originated or are based in Texas, to mobilize young people, mainly Christian youth, to engage in right-wing politics. These groups and their leaders are part of a roll-call of Christian nationalist power players who defend the January 6 riots, promote hate speech, and aim to build their economic and political power by instilling Christian and constitutional “originalism” in the public sphere. To achieve their goals, they are increasingly defending the use of violence, particularly anti-LGBTQ+ violence, which has shot up in frequency since the start of 2022.

What’s more, the leaders of the movement are set on convincing young people, starting even before high school, that they are the underdogs in this fight—the under-funded rebels fighting a rich, powerful leftist establishment–and that what they’re engaged in is a holy war for America’s soul.

The movement is meeting opposition from more progressive Christian leaders.

“What I think they really are concerned about is their loss of a privileged place in terms of influence and power. I think Christian nationalism is being used as a tool to maintain and to galvanize that power,” said Fort Worth Pastor Michael Mills, an outspoken critic of that movement.

“It feels a little bit like a form of indoctrination [in which] these poisonous ideas are passed from one generation to the next,” he said. “If there are no checks on that, it’s almost like, [as] each generation gets older, they get more and more dangerous, in a sense. And that’s the scary part.”

Read more on the Texas Observer.

(📸 Drag protest photos by Shelby Tauber / Buttons photographed by Josephine Lee)

#far right extremism #political extremism #transphobes #conservatism #extremism #radicalisation #drag show #lgbtq #dallas #Texas

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brown-little-robin · 2 years ago

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tumblr year in review—but only the interesting parts!

I posted 4,072 times in 2022. That's 3,137 more posts than 2021! (yeah, because I joined tumblr in August 2021. Looks like my posting actually slowed down this year!

595 posts created (15%)

3,477 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@swinging-stars-from-satellites

@lovesodeepandwideandwell

@thatfriendlyanon

@bluesidedown

@called-kept

many other very beloved friends!

I tagged 3,787 of my posts in 2022

Only 7% of my posts had no tags

#art - 193 posts (I've mostly stopped using that tag now. It was too broad... as you can tell :P)

#aesthetic - 147 posts (sounds about right)

#batfam - 144 posts (y u p)

#strange redemption intertextuality - 140 posts (NICE. finding these quotes is one of the most fun parts of tumblr to me.)

#yes - 110 posts (listen, I just REALLY AGREE with a lot of things!)

#on living softly - 101 posts (huh! neat!)

#mob-blogging - 99 posts (I didn't think I posted THAT much mob, but okay!)

#ahahahaha - 91 posts (yeah I like laughing in tag form)

#tim drake - 90 posts (blorbo <3<3<3)

#god's beasts - 87 posts (YEAH BABY. CREATURES)

My Top Posts in 2022:

Humans are essentially homesick for heaven. (I still stand by that, even though having a post I wrote in a feverish sort of haze going everywhere was kind of anxiety-inducing.)

Throgmorten drawing (hims grumpy :3)

HIPY PAPY BTHUTHDTH explanation (very sweet! I love that it got reblogged a lot)

Jason Todd and Tim Drake comparison (cool! I liked that!)

"Every writer should have readers who never point out flaws about their work". (Hnnn. Some sad things happened with that post. Oh well, I still stand by that idea!)

I say this with the sincerest belief: every writer should have someone who never points out flaws about their work, ever, and that they trust to never do that, ever.

Writers should also have people who do point out flaws about their work, of course, because that’s how their work can get better.

But!! For the emotional ability of writers to keep writing, to believe that their writing is worth doing, it is essential to have safe-haven readers. People we can take writing to and know they’ll remind us why we write.

Readers and commenters can fill different needs: improving writing, and ensuring writing.

189 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

Jason is too OPEN. Tim is too GUARDED. They have the same emotions (YOU ARE FAMILY I LOVE YOU I AM HURT AND LONELY) but they deal with them in two ways:

Jason: he’s an open book, a bleeding heart, a scream of defiance & pain & rage. He takes all his giant emotions and pours them out in a river in front of his loved ones’ feet and DEMANDS answers. He burns his bridges before others can burn them because he is saying LOOK AT THIS, IT’S RUINED, RIGHT? IT’S RUINED, RIGHT? —not realizing that, if he hadn’t set the bridges on fire, they would have still been there—broken, maybe, damaged, but still there, still fixable.

Tim: he’s a closed book, a chained-up heart, a locked jaw, a stifled scream. He takes his emotions and tells them river, run in your proper course and do not leave that course; don’t you dare flood. He lets his bridges rot because if he says “this bridge is getting worn down” too often, he will be acknowledging that something is wrong with him. What if his loved ones tell him that he’s at fault for letting their bridges fall into disrepair again? What if, even worse, they decide that the bridge is an eyesore and decide to remove it altogether? No, no, no, better to isolate himself on his island and just keep the structure of the bridges intact enough for him to survive. No need to call attention to their state of decay.

213 notes - Posted September 22, 2022

If I tell you “HIPY PAPY BTHUTHDTH THUTHDA BTHUTHDY” this is what I mean, btw. I’m not drunk, I promise. (image description under the cut)

[begin image description. A page from Winnie the Pooh. It has an illustration of Owl biting a pencil. It says:

“Can you read, Pooh?” he asked, a little anxiously. “There’s a notice about knocking and ringing outside my door, which Christopher Robin wrote. Could you read it?”

“Christopher Robin told me what it said, and then I could.”

“Well, I’ll tell you what this says, and then you’ll be able to.”

So Owl wrote... and this is what he wrote:

HIPY PAPY BTHUTHDTH THUTHDA

BTHUTHDY.

end image description.]

222 notes - Posted June 6, 2022

Throgmorten, the Asheth Temple Cat and thoroughly cranky beast. Look out, or he’ll tear strips off you!

295 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Humans are essentially homesick for heaven and lonely for God. Or vice versa. We want a person so big that we can sink into them like a bedroom and a bedroom so lovely it embraces us like a friend.

477 notes - Posted June 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#year in review #edited for clarity 'n stuff!

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danathon23 · 2 years ago

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I just wondered what the sound of trichotillomania is or would be, and if you notice a sound or make a sound or sounds while pulling. Anyone have thoughts on this? Please share!

Context below for why I thought about this, includes description of my hair-pulling:

I was on a phone call (with my insurance) and there was silence while the person was reviewing information on their computer. I wasn't on hold, so I could somewhat hear their breathing and when they softly read information aloud to themselves. Anyway, I started to pull hair on my chin and that was when I wondered if perhaps they could hear me doing that (or doing something). I was holding the phone in my right hand up to my face and right ear, so my left hand was free (to pull). Because of the proximity of the phone mic to my mouth and chin, I stopped pulling; I wondered if the sound of my fingers and fingernails clutching and pulling at tiny chin hairs made a sound. Was there a sound of my fingernails clacking together, possibly sounding like "click" or "tick"? Did my breathing change? Do I hold my breath?

@bfrb-culture-is

Past art drawing about my experience with trichotillomania: (April 22, 2022) https://www.tumblr.com/danathon23/682477142830923776/a-digitally-hand-drawn-doodle-about?source=share

#bfrb tw #trichotillomania #hair pulling #bfrbs #bfrb #bfrb culture #bfrb culture is

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natalyelle · 2 years ago

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I posted 5,737 times in 2022

107 posts created (2%)

5,630 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@natalyelle

@choccy-zefirka

@jonah-the-unknown

@moonlightsdreaming

@galaxywhale

I tagged 5,141 of my posts in 2022

Only 10% of my posts had no tags

#q - 3,843 posts

#dragon age - 698 posts

#mass effect - 643 posts

#disco elysium - 339 posts

#other people's oc - 312 posts

#the elder scrolls - 233 posts

#later reblog because why not - 189 posts

#sailor moon - 170 posts

#star wars - 124 posts

#our flag means death - 109 posts

Longest Tag: 117 characters

#sometimes i just start painting on the sketch layer accidently and my usual many layers become one layer painting lol

My Top Posts in 2022:

would it be ok to request a happy little nug? :)

(It took a little more time than I expected haha)

Here you go! ^^

Also bonus:

See the full post

41 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

See the full post

48 notes - Posted June 12, 2022

Happy Cosmonauts Day!

(And also Happy Birthday to my Katerina Shepard, for I headcanon her birthday is on the 12th)

54 notes - Posted April 12, 2022

I realised that I’ve never painted Ashley...

64 notes - Posted September 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Happy Holidays, @shiara-tsoni! The little Harbinger told me than you like Liara, so here she is, specially for you! In a new sweater, that Shepard gifted to her in this little drabble I also wrote:

A soft bluish light was the only source of illumination in the room. Liara bent over the monitor, tapping her fingers on the table. The Crucible was a miracle of technology, a hope that the Proteans brought into their gloomy lives. But it was necessary to understand whether this Hope would come true, whether the Crucible would be able to save everyone or…

Liara rubbed her eyes. After all, she is not a sorceress, but she must do everything she can to make this miracle happen.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Without waiting for an answer, the door opened, a familiar silhouette appeared in the doorway.

“Shepard, is that you?” Liara said with a smile.

“Who else would be wandering around the ship at this hour?” Shepard entered the cabin, and the blue color lit up her face, on which a slight smile played. “I think you're working too hard. Sometimes you need to rest.”

“Oh, Shepard,” Liara sighed heavily, turning back to the monitor. “I can't rest until the threat is over.”

Her fingers quickly slid over the touchpads and keyboards. Shepard gently covered Liara's palms with one hand and squeezed them slightly.

“If you distract yourself for just half an hour, the world will not collapse from this fact alone,” Shepard said softly and looked into Liara's eyes.

Liara couldn't look away, she seemed to be drowning in those familiar eyes. She gently squeezed Shepard's hand in response and smiled, slightly turning away from the monitor. Shepard smiled even wider and gently removed her palm, bringing it behind her back. Only now did Liara notice that Shepard was holding something there.

“I have a little gift for you,” Shepard said, as if reading her thoughts, and took out a large package from behind her back.

“This is... very unexpected,” Liara said, carefully unfolding the rustling paper. “Thank you.”

“It's nothing,” Shepard said casually, sitting down on a chair next to her. Liara noticed out of the corner of her eye that Shepard blushed a little. Smiling cheerfully, Liara continued to unwrap the gift.

“Is that a sweater?” Asari exclaimed in surprise, burying her fingers in a soft knitwear.

“Yes, I thought that sometimes it's cold on the ship, and I can't always be with you…”

Liara laughed merrily, hugged her girlfriend and kissed her gently.

“Will you try it on?” Shepard asked with a slight grin. Liara, with a perky smile and a sweater in her hands, disappeared into the second half of her cabin.

“Did you knit it yourself?” Liara's voice came.

“I have many different talents,” Shepard said mysteriously, sipping some liquid from Liara's mug. She doesn't need to know that she bought this sweater on their last visit to the Citadel.

“Well, how is it?” Liara came out into the light, closer to Shepard. The sweater was big and long, covered all the arms and fell slightly off the shoulder.

“They’re wearing them like that, don’t they?”

“Aren't you wearing anything else?” Shepard asked, somewhat dumbfounded.

“Come closer and check it out.”

95 notes - Posted January 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #hahaha I reblogged mostly from myself #and used queue a lot this year lol #and most of my fanart is Mass Effect - that is predictable tho

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afteriwake · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 354 times in 2022

140 posts created (40%)

214 posts reblogged (60%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@strangelock221b

@onthesandsofdreams

@sherlollysecretsanta

@mousedetective

@miz-joelys-sherlollilists

I tagged 351 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#fanfic - 131 posts

#fanfiction - 130 posts

#my stuff - 99 posts

#sherlock - 70 posts

#omg this - 54 posts

#molly hooper - 52 posts

#star trek aos - 27 posts

#answering asks! - 22 posts

#sherlolly - 20 posts

#sherlock holmes - 20 posts

Longest Tag: 73 characters

#so many of strangelock221b's fandoms are ones i haven't gotten to see yet

My Top Posts in 2022:

From New York to London ~ A HooperStrange Fanmix (requested for @fandomtrumpshate)

8tracks | Download

13 notes - Posted April 12, 2022

Fic cover for “The Loskr” by @pkrosche.

Star Trek AOS; Kirk x Spock; rated Teen.

14 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

What Child Is This? -- SanSan

I’m stretching my fandom fingers into a new ship for a fandom I don’t really write much. @lareinadehades, you’ll have to tell me if this is any good. But I hope it is!

Their Christmas Miracle - Sandor Clegane II was born December 25th at 12:35 AM to Sandor Clegane and Sansa Stark, their very own Christmas miracle.

READ @ AO3

Sansa yawned and woke up, not quite comfortable in her hospital bed. She much preferred the bed she shared with her husband Sandor, but she had an excellent reason to be dozing in a hospital bed. She had been through eighteen hours of delivery to give birth to her son Sandor Clegane II at 12:35 on Christmas Day. He was the first child born in the hospital on Christmas, and so they had gotten quite a few gifts from the hospital staff, including things they needed and things they hadn’t thought of. Arya and Gendry had already taken the things they already had to an organization that could put them to good use.

Her family had crowded in the hospital waiting room and they had ooohed and ahhhed over Sandor II for hours before leaving her to get some well-deserved rest. Her husband had been allowed to stay in the room with her and the baby, and it was because of that that she woke up to Sandor softly singing “What Child Is This?” to their son. A smile crept on her face but she stayed quiet, taking in the sight.

When he was done singing, he noticed Sansa was awake and brought the baby to her. “Our Christmas miracle was a little fussy,” he said.

“You’re going to refer to him like that for the rest of your life, aren’t you?” she asked.

“Well, I was told as a lad I would never have children. He is a miracle.”

“Are you sure he’s not someone else’s?” she teased. He had never suspected her of cheating, even when she had shown him the pregnancy test. And she never had; she loved this mountain of a man far too much to go looking elsewhere for anything she might be missing.

“Sansa, I had low sperm count, not a vasectomy. It was always possible. We just had to try often enough.”

“And when I’m discharged and feeling better, we can try and give him a little sister.”

“I think I would enjoy that very much, Little Bird.” He leaned over and kissed her forehead before she got one of the prepared bottles to supplement with breastmilk to feed her son. Sandor sat on the edge of the bed and looked down, brushing back his son’s dark hair. She rather had hoped it would be red, but the nearly black hair suited a child who already looked so much like his father.

Sandor began humming the song he had just finished while she fed Sandor II, and she leaned back into the bed, comfortable and happy and knowing Christmas would be just a bit more special every year from now on.

16 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

Teach me how to love ~ A The Hunger Games Fanfic Inspired Fanmix

Download | 8tracks (TBA) | AO3

16 notes - Posted August 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

15. “My horoscope told me I would meet the love of my life next year.” “Then let’s meet up again after midnight.” -- Darcy/Loki

And a longer fic for my "Just Pieces On The Board" series, set more towards the beginning but after Darcy and Loki meet in the series.

Reunited (And It Feels So Good) - After nearly six months from their introduction, Loki returns to Darcy's life at Tony's New Year's Eve party.

Read @ AO3 | Buy Me A Coffee?

Darcy had to admit, even though it was just for the Avengers and the rest of those who lived in the tower, Tony Stark spared no expense for a party. She just wished things had been looking up for her and she wasn’t set to have a miserable year being alone. There had been a...thing with Loki in London, when the Avengers had chaperoned the politicians on the trip to Asgard. It was damn good sex, she’d freely admit it, but it was almost six months later and...nothing. Not that he had left her in bed alone, but he had left a few days later, ostensibly to go back to Asgard to take care of things with Thor.

Thor made trips back to see her and Jane. Loki didn’t. That was the difference.

What was it about him that drove her nuts, anyway? She couldn’t stop thinking about that week no matter how hard she tried. It was like he haunted her dreams or something.

She knocked back her glass of champagne and turned to get another one when she saw him and he saw her. It was like a homing missile; he made a beeline for her. “Loki…” she said.

He took her in his arms and kissed her as she’d never been kissed before: desperately, like she was nectar from the gods and he needed to taste her now. And she kissed him back...what else could she do? The kiss made her weak in the knees.

Finally, when she was almost on the brink of running out of breath, he pulled away, “I am sorry, Darcy. For everything.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” she said, wrinkling her brow.

“No, everything I did. Leaving without seeking you out again. Disappearing. But I can explain.”

“And you should. But you think you can let me stand up straight for a minute so I can get my bearings?”

He looked sheepish but he helped right her and then let go. His touch had been like fire, even though she knew he was part Frost Giant; the week they spent together just hadn’t been about great sex. It had been talking, too, and secret sharing, and maybe that was why it had hurt so much that he’d left her alone for so long.

“My apologies,” he said.

“It’s okay,” she replied. “Are you planning on staying for more than tonight?”

“Yes. Thor has arranged for us to stay here while Mother leads the Asgardians from Norway. Thor was taking care of most of the political discussions with her, while I was otherwise occupied.” He looked down. “I was traveling the realms, readying them for the disappearance of Asgard once the move to Earth has been completed, and with Sif’s help, making sure Earth remains neutral in dealing with those realms. The politician Mother has taken a shining to was traveling with us.”

“That’s news to me,” Darcy said.

“He’s...interesting, I suppose. Mother still mourns Odin Allfather, but I believe she may make the politician her consort in the future.”

“Which politician was it?”

“Mycroft Holmes,” Loki said. A waiter came by with a tray of champagne and Loki took two flutes, handing one to Darcy. “Yes, I realize that will make me related to an Earth family if it happens, but he is not the worst person. His brother came with us, as did the S.H.I.E.L.D. member of the family. It was an interesting time.”

“Well, that explains why Coulson was here so much,” she said, taking a sip of her champagne. “I just figured he missed Thor’s witty repartee.”

“No, we were traveling in less civilized realms, and also less technologically advanced ones. Passing details to Thor and Mother took time and effort. But the business is finished, and I can start my life here on Earth and in New York City soon. My apartment here should be ready tomorrow, Stark said.”

“Wait. You’re staying here here? In Avengers Tower?” He nodded and she grinned. “I’ll have to bake you a welcome home gift.”

“You could just stay in bed with me for another week,” he said. “Unless my absence quelled those flames?”

She set her glass down and pulled at Loki’s tie. “I haven’t really stopped seeing you in my dreams. I just thought it meant less to you.”

“Darcy, it meant more to me than you could have realized,” he said, sliding his hands to her waist as the host of the party said it was five minutes to midnight. “You haven’t been far from my thoughts as well.”

“I really should slap you for going so long without contacting me, but my horoscope told me I would meet the love of my life next year.”

“Then let’s meet up again after midnight,” he said.

“Or we could just leave the party and bring in the new year in the privacy of my apartment,” she murmured.

See the full post

18 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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softlystarstruck · 2 years ago

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✩ softly reading april 11 - 30 ✩

backstreet’s back, baby. except only kind of, because im doing these monthly now! this one is just belatedly filling in the rest of april. welcome to softly reading, in which i list every single drarry fic i’ve read this month in hopes that you, dear reader, find a fic you like too!

✩ - a fave | 🔥 - hot | 🌼 - gentle read

longer reads

✩ Once More With Feeling by InnerLilith [E, 28k] 🔥

Draco is dosed with a consummation-compelling potion, with Harry Potter as his intended. It’s a cruel irony, because he’s wanted Potter for years. But not like this.

✩ Offer Up Our Hearts by @tackytigerfic [M, 23k]

Harry Potter has a very nice life, thank you very much. He's a top Curse-Breaker with a lucrative Ministry contract, and exciting prospects ahead. Sometimes he does wish that he had time to pursue something official with Draco Malfoy - they're half in love with each other, after all, and a great team (in and out of bed), though Draco is still one of the most infuriating people he knows. And when Draco asks Harry to accompany him on a diplomatic mission to the mysterious Sidhe fairies in Ireland, Harry agrees to lend his expertise. [HD Tropes Exchange Fest 2019] Recced to me by @the-starryknight

✩ The shape of my love by @orange-peony [E, 23k] 🏳️‍⚧️🔥🌼

Harry’s happy — happier than he’s ever been in his life, really. He loves living with Draco, studying with him and cooking together. Draco is still oddly mysterious about the potion he takes every day, even though Harry is a bloody Healer in training, and he still never changes in front of him, but that’s fine. Harry respects his boundaries, because he has his own too. And he is probably - or most likely - a little enamoured with the blond git, if he has to admit it to himself, but it’s fine. [HP Trans Fest 2022]

✩ all my love’s wrapped in shades of red by asininemind [T, 15k]

Ron and Hermione are moving out - so, naturally, Harry does the responsible adult-thing: Stalk Visit Draco Malfoy at his job at a costume store.

Strings Attached by daisymondays [E, 14k] 🔥

Draco Malfoy's never been interested in dating, and he'll be damned if that changes because of Harry Potter in joggers. [HP Joggers Fest]

✩ To Tame A Kitten (is to love) by @tsauergrass [G, 13k] 🌼

After the war, Harry finds solace in fostering orphaned kittens. One day, a kitten appears on his door step without explanation—and attacks him! Taking it in, he quickly finds that this kitten is nothing ordinary. [H/D Fan Fair 2019]

Kissed by @potteresque-ire [M, 12k]

Draco Malfoy was attacked by a rogue Dementor on the night of his Azkaban release. He self-exiled to Muggle London and opened a late-night chocolate shop called Kissed. [H/D Erised 2015]

short & sweet (< 10k)

hear me (with your whole body) by @teacup-tai [E, 9k]

It was a sexy idea, exploring other bodies with Draco, engaging in sex with other people to spice things up. Something inside of him was excited about the prospect, but the nagging fear, the feeling of abandonment that follows each image that pops in his head is throwing him off. He would give it a go. See what it was like. He could always say no, right? [H/D Hurt Fest 2020]

✩ Worth It by @april-thelightfury115 [T, 8.7k] 🏳️‍⚧️

After a friendly quidditch match, Harry's sure he's the only one left in the changing room. But then Malfoy—a naked Malfoy—stands before him, and Harry instantly knows two things. 1. He's fucked. 2. Malfoy knows he's trans. The only thing that might save him? Draco Malfoy is trans too. [HP Trans Fest 2022]

✩ Everything About You by @nv-md [E, 2.5k] 🔥🏳️‍⚧️

Draco's in love with his best friend, and he's resigned himself to being roommates and nothing more. Until he rescues Harry from a drunk arsehole and in a moment of weakness, confesses everything. [HP Trans Fest 2022]

✩ All the Time in the World (to stay just like this) by @stargazing-enby [E, 2.3k] 🏳️‍⚧️🌼🔥

Draco and Harry spend a lazy afternoon in Harry's dorm, and Draco seizes the opportunity to steal some of Harry's clothes. What starts off as a cuddle session soon turns into something more. [HP Trans Fest 2022]

art gallery

✩ Kintsugi Kisses by @amaisart [E] 🔥🏳️‍⚧️

Harry worships Draco, scars and all. [HP Trans Fest 2022]

✩ Mirror of Ytilaer by OkaySky [M] 🏳️‍⚧️🌼

"You're so beautiful," Harry murmured in Draco's ear. Draco suppressed a shiver; he could feel Harry's heavy-lidded gaze across his body just as tangibly as he could feel the gentle touch of his fingertips across his scars. "Shut it, Potter," Draco grumbled back. [HP Trans Fest 2022]

previous softly reading lists

#softly reading #softly reading april 2022 #drarry fic rec #drarry rec list

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koishua · 3 years ago

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; — ❍ 𝗲𝗻𝗵𝘆𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝘆𝘂𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗹𝗼𝘃��

w: mentions of food. i know. the header stuff don't match the title but it's cute and im not changing it so deal with it, i ask kindly </3 ; © KOISHUA 2022, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ; REBLOG! FEEDBACK! ; ENJOY!

heeseung ❀ spring ; it's april and the flowers are blooming along the sidewalk, you're walking your pet in the afternoon as the sun barely starts to descend in the horizon, a peaceful quiet settling on the otherwise lively street. you turn around the block, laughing at your excited companion when you come face to face with an old friend. he has returned from abroad. taller and having grown into his features, he has returned. your name slips out of his lips and you wonder if this time, things can be different between you and him.

jay ❀ autumn ; it's october and you're holding a warm cup of coffee in your hands, eyes roaming over the fallen leaves that form a carpet of bright reds and oranges beneath your feet. in the distance, a boy catches your attention. he is reading a magazine, gloved fingers flipping through the pages with great interest. draped around his neck is a shawl identical to your own, a limited edition. he flashes you a kind smile when you approach him. it feels familiar— maybe you'd known him in another life.

jake ❀ summer ; it's july and you wish the sun would be kinder on your body, the temperature at an all-time high. a pretty boy served you an extra scoop of your ice cream, claiming that it's on the house. unfolding the napkin he had wrapped around your cone, you see hasty scribbles of a series of digits and a name. he seems cute, you think while he caters to an older customer with a sweet smile. saving the napkin in your pocket, you exit the shop. the sun beams at you and you smile.

sunghoon ❀ winter ; it's december and snowflakes softly follow the pull of gravity towards the cold and hard ground. a figure skates gracefully on the lake you traditionally always visit with your family. he is beautiful as he glides across the ice, lost in his own little world. he notices your presence, though chooses not to speak as he continues. he feels his heart flutter when you clap encouragingly after his little performance. taking your hands in his, gently guiding you through a few unfamiliar loops on the frozen lake, your chest feels warm despite the dropping temperature.

#enhypennetwork #enhypen reactions #enhypen fluff #enhypen imagines #enhypen headcanons #enhypen heeseung imagines #enhypen jay imagines #park jay x reader #jake scenarios #jake x reader #enhypen x female reader #sunghoon scenarios #sunghoon imagines

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plooto · 3 years ago

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enji is terrified …

terrified you’ll leave him, for someone better. someone with a better reputation and a better past.

terrified you’ll leave him in his sleep. yet night after night, rough nights or nights of intimate whispers, he still wakes up with his arms cradling your body.

terrified you’ll leave him alone, no more soft hums as you comb through his hair with your fingers. no more giggles as you tease him while he’s busy.

yet, you’re still here.

enji looks down at your duvet clad body, chest softly rising and falling to indicate slumber. you smile in your sleep,

“ i can feel you staring~ ” you teased, his eyes widened before rolling and turning away from you. you giggled,

“ sorry dear, but my cheeks were burning. ” you used your elbows to prop yourself up, enjoying the presence of the number one hero himself.

“ hey, look at me, ” he grunts, reluctantly turning over before you come up with any more shenanigans, “ i love you, okay? ” his eyebrows furrow for a moment before grumbling something along the lines of ‘ i love you back, ’ and wrapping an arm around your middle before resting his head on you.

he didn’t say it, he didn’t need to. you read him and you seen his pain. enji means more to you than life itself, running your hands through his scalp, you press a kiss to his head before closing your eyes and letting your body relax into his.

“ thank you~ ”

published . april 7 , 2022

#endeavor x reader #enji todoroki x reader #enji x you #enji x reader #mha endeavor #bnha endeavor #bnha endeavor x reader #endeavour x reader #rae’s tiny thoughts 💭 // drabbles #. character // enji todoroki

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theharrowing · 3 years ago

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Shaky Deposition ♢ 6: You're perfect for us

PREVIOUS | INDEX | NEXT

♢ Hoseok x Female Reader, Yoongi x Female Reader

♢ word count: 4.6k

♢ strangers to lovers, lawyer au, infidelity that turns into sharing, smut, nsfw, poly & slash, 18+

♢ warnings: oral sex, somewhat possessive behavior, inappropriate boss to employee behavior, juggling two men, light bondage, squirting

♢ beta read by @neoneunnajimin

♢ posted april 2022 | read on ao3

"If you leave this office I might not let you back in for the rest of the day," Yoongi challenges with his arms crossed over his chest.

You roll your eyes, defiantly watching him as you wait for the elevator to appear. Between Hoseok's constant need to touch you and coo in your ear, and Yoongi's staring problem, you can feel yourself slowly losing your mind. Yesterday, Monday, you hardly got anything done, and today will not be a repeat of that.

As the elevator dings and opens, you hug your stack of paperwork to your chest and respond, "I should only be so lucky!" before sending Yoongi a wink. Yoongi's mouth falls open, and the look in his eyes is nothing short of fury, which causes you to crack up as soon as you're out of his eye line.

Once in the elevator, you let out a deep exhale and revel in the silence, save for the soft dinging sounds of each floor passing by. You stop on your way to the library for a cup of coffee, adding a scoop of hot chocolate powder the way Hoseok does, and then set your things on an empty table near the far end of the room. You're already familiar with where the copyright law books are, and find one that pertains to music before sitting down with your files and brushing up on the information.

The morning goes by quickly, and you don't realize what time it is until you hear footsteps and look up to see Hoseok walking through the room. Hoseok has a light blue button-up shirt tucked into charcoal grey slacks, and he looks radiant with his hair pushed off his forehead and his bright smile. You wave softly and sit back, giving yourself a break from the text.

"I came to see if you want lunch," Hoseok says once he approaches. "You left your bag upstairs, so I peeked in and saw that you did not pack one today.

"Wow, going through my things," you tease.

"I know, right? No privacy around here," Hoseok returns with a dramatic eye roll, sitting on the edge of the table in front of you.

You pick up your coffee and drink the last of the now cold beverage before asking, "What do you have in mind?"

Hoseok shrugs. "I don't know, maybe check the food carts outside?"

"You can't go wrong with food carts," you say, packing your paperwork into a neat pile on the edge of the table, and Hoseok smiles, nodding in agreement and grabbing your things. You had planned to just keep them where they are and send Hoseok a questioning gaze.

"Yoongi doesn't like his case files laying around," Hoseok informs as if reading your mind. "I'll lock everything in my desk in the bullpen, and we can pick it up when we come back."

It's a beautiful day, and you find you have to squint and hold your hand above your eyes to protect them from the sun. Outside, between the building and the café that Yoongi took you to last week, are several food carts, and the strong smell of deep-fried goodness hits your nose. You and Hoseok decide to share some rice cake skewers from one place and try the corn dogs at another.

You find a spot under the shade of a ginkgo tree to sit and eat. It's awkward getting onto the ground in your skirt and heels, and you're glad you wore dark grey today, though you worry about the sauces from your food dripping onto your pink blouse and tuck a napkin into your neckline.

Out of nowhere, Hoseok says, "I can't figure out the dynamic you and Yoongi have," and you nearly inhale your last rice cake, coughing from the sudden intrusion of gochujang and hint of honey in your sinuses. Hoseok hands you his cider, and you take a gulp of it and clear your throat.

"Dynamic?" you rasp, still fighting to get your voice back.

"You're both very hot and cold," Hoseok clarifies. "One moment, it looks like he's flirting with you, and the next, it looks like he's trying to set you on fire with his eyes."

"Min Yoongi does not flirt with me," you say with a scoff, taking one last sip of Hoseok's drink.

Hoseok chuckles, takes his soda back, then finishes it before setting it on the pile of empty paper food trays. He sits back with his head resting on the tree trunk and eyes on the sky. "I'm surprised he hasn't tried to tie you to his desk yet. He can be pretty persuasive."

You smack Hoseok on the chest with the back of your hand, and Hoseok sits forward dramatically clutching the spot with both hands, pretending to be in great pain. After laughing along with him, Hoseok takes your hand, entwining your fingers over his lap, and goes back to watching the clouds.

"Why would he try to persuade me if he knows you and I have...whatever this is, going on?" you ask.

Hoseok hums as if mulling it over, before saying, "Because he's like that. He likes to try to have what someone else has, to prove that he's as good as someone else, maybe. Or perhaps just to be a dick. I haven't quite figured it out; I think it's just a game to him."

"How many people has he tried to steal from you, then?"

Hoseok turns to you with an amused look as he responds, "Everyone."

"Wait, what? Everyone?"

There's the churning of something in your stomach, but you can't place it. It's not quite jealousy, but it feels similar. Maybe it's the overwhelming feeling that, rather than being someone Yoongi desires for the sake of desire, you're just another easy girl for him to try to take away from Hoseok. Part of you also feels shame for allowing him to do it so effortlessly.

"Doesn't it make you angry?" you mutter. "Doesn't it bother you that your so-called best friend behaves like that?"

Hoseok shrugs. "I guess not. Not really. Worst case scenario, the person I am into gets tired of Yoongi being a spoiled brat and cuts ties with me. Best case scenario they end up liking us both. Either way, I don't usually stick with the same person long term."

At first, you're surprised by this information, but as it settles over you, you realize you're not, really. Hoseok and Yoongi sharing someone doesn't seem all that hard to believe, especially considering how easily they come to the other's beck and call. It makes sense that Yoongi likes to play all the games he does, telling you what to do and what not to do with Hoseok, seeing how far he can control you. And while you know that you should be angry, you're not so sure that you are.

Hoseok sighs and sits up, giving your hand a squeeze before announcing, "We should probably head back."

You toss out your trash on the way back to the building and head toward the bullpen. The conversation with Hoseok looms over you, and you question whether or not to tell him that, actually, Yoongi has begun to seduce you but that you didn't say anything before because you've been feeling guilty. You hate the thought of admitting to fucking around behind his back, though; how would you even open that conversation. But, you remind yourself, it's not as if you and Hoseok are dating. You never agreed to fuck each other exclusively either, so maybe he would understand.

"Yoongi wants us to go back to his office," Hoseok states, pulling you from your thoughts and handing you the stack of files and the books you were looking at earlier.

"Oh, okay," you respond.

"Bring the books with you, if you want."

The elevator ride up has a lot of emotions swirling around your guts—nervousness being at the forefront. You hate how impossible it is to predict Yoongi's attitude, knowing it tends to lean in the direction of annoyance when he's not horny. Has Yoongi ever been soft with you, aside from when he pets your face and calls you a good girl? As soon as the ding rings out, indicating that you've reached the top floor, you brace yourself, hugging your files and books tightly.

You step out of the elevator and find Yoongi sitting at his desk with his arms crossed over his chest, making you feel anxious. However, as soon as he sees you, Yoongi straightens up and even smiles.

"Hey, you're back! How was lunch?" Yoongi asks brightly.

Everything about his friendly demeanor throws you off, and you hesitate. "F-fine."

"Psh, don't be modest. It was better than fine!" Hoseok chimes in, walking past you to Yoongi's desk. There are two chairs in front of it rather than one, so you approach behind Hoseok and take a seat. "What's better than some fried corn dogs and tangy rice skewers on a sunny day?"

"Food carts?" Yoongi asks, looking between the two of you, and you nod.

"I wanted to speak with both of you because we actually have another case coming our way that is similar to the one we're working on but perhaps more urgent. So I will need to put one of you on the new case, which will mean pulling you off the other. There's more fieldwork that needs to be done, and I want to send someone out to conduct interviews in person, so I have decided to give the new case to Hoseok. Does that sound alright with the two of you?"

"Of course!" Hoseok responds, adjusting in his seat. "I can start driving to work, in order to make everything easier."

"Nonsense," Yoongi waves Hoseok off, "just take my vehicle. The SUV has been more or less living here; someone needs to drive it. Then you can commute here however you want to, and I'll worry about the gas. There should be a black card in the center compartment, just use that for anything you need and bring the receipts to me."

You're a little shocked by the generous offer and even more surprised that Hoseok seems completely unsurprised, like this is the type of thing Yoongi does for him often. Although you suppose, if Hoseok is spending money for company errands, it only makes sense that the company would pay for them.

"And you," Yoongi says, turning to you, "can either work up here with me or down at your desk if you prefer. I would rather you work up here so that you're easier to communicate with, but I understand Hoseok and I have been annoying lately, so if you need a break, that's fine. Just be sure to check in with me at the end of every day."

"Working up here is fine," you mutter because it truly is less distracting when Hoseok is not around. That is, unless Yoongi is distracting you with his cock, but you can't deny wanting more and more attention from him, anyway.

"Perfect," Yoongi responds and sits up. "In that case, I would like to debrief with you on everything Hoseok has done with this case, and Hoseok, if you don't mind, the new client is requesting a discussion of her files over dinner. I know it's short notice, but—"

"I'm on it!" Hoseok interrupts as he stands. "I'll make a reservation and then head home shortly to change, if you don't mind?"

"Sounds perfect," Yoongi says.

"Alright, well, you two have fun, and let me know if you have any questions during the debrief. I should be available by phone until about 5, depending on the reservation."

Hoseok gives your shoulder a squeeze and walks around Yoongi's desk, pulling open a drawer and rummaging through it. Yoongi glances but doesn't seem to mind, instead sorting through a new stack of files and setting them in front of Hoseok. Hoseok appears to have found what he was looking for—keys to Yoongi's vehicle—and takes the file that was placed in front of him before rounding Yoongi's desk, giving you a kiss on the top of your head, and leaving. You expect Yoongi's smile to falter and turn sharp, eyes boring into you intensely, voice becoming commanding as soon as the elevator door closes, but it doesn't. And that makes you nervous.

"How was the library?" Yoongi asks, pulling the books you brought upstairs from your pile and glancing at them.

"It was fine. Quiet."

"I want to apologize for behaving in a manner that irritates you. I like playing games with Hoseok, and sometimes I take it a little too far. He seems to really like you; has he said anything about our past to you, yet?"

You clear your throat and find yourself fidgeting with your fingers in your lap. "He said you always try to 'conquer' the people he brings around, and that sometimes it ends with the person giving up and other times it ends with them wanting you both."

Yoongi cocks his head and squints, then says, "How does that make you feel?"

You shrug, not feeling very great. "Confused, I guess. I don't know. I thought you both liked me but maybe you're just messing with me."

When you look up at Yoongi, you find his expression is much softer, almost sad. "I'm sorry you feel that way, kitten. The truth is, I like you a lot."

Yoongi's admission makes your breath hitch, and butterflies take off in your stomach, flying up to your chest, making it hard to breathe.

"I was actually hoping Hoseok would not take such a liking to you immediately if I'm being truthful. I was in the middle of selecting a new lawyer to join our three-piece team up here when you were hired. We were going to keep you in the bullpen, where you could keep some of those knuckleheads in check and where you'd flourish with research—something your resume states you enjoy and are good at—but Hoseok was so impressed with you and your work ethic, and boasting about how badly he wanted to fuck you. He wouldn't shut up about you, insisting that you join our team. He was correct to cause such a fuss, too; you're brilliant, thoughtful, and sharp. You're perfect for us."

"T-thank you," you mutter.

Yoongi sighs and stands, and finally, the pointed, cold expression you've come to know well paints over his features. Yoongi leans into his palms, fingers splayed before him on the desk, towering over you.

"You're also obedient, sexy, and you taste like heaven. Perfect for me."

"Thank you, sir," you say through a ragged breath, feeling your heart begin to pound and cheeks flush with warmth.

Yoongi stands up straight and rounds his desk, never taking his eyes off you. You turn your torso to face Yoongi as he approaches, and he leans into the edge of his desk, smirking down at you.

"I love Hoseok; he's my best friend in the whole world, and I would do anything for him. But I'm not willing to let you out of my grasp. So what's a boy to do?"

"Uh—I don't know."

"I don't mind sharing," Yoongi continues, leaning forward and placing a finger under your chin. Gently, Yoongi tilts your face to look at him. "And it seems as though you enjoy being shared. But, at some point, Hoseok needs to find out."

Of course, you know that you can't hide this thing from Hoseok forever, but you feel so bad about pretending for as long as you have that there's nothing going on between you and Yoongi. Even if he may be okay with the prospect of sharing you, how will he reconcile being lied to for more than a week?

"I understand that we should tell Hoseok," you respond, looking up at Yoongi, whose smirk has faded. "I guess I feel guilty for lying to him for as long as we have. I don't know what we would say."

Yoongi hums as if thinking it over. "Yes, we should ease him into the idea of it. Perhaps I'll confess to having feelings for you, and we can pretend nothing has happened leading to the confession?"

"That might be the only way to move forward without hurting him too much," you agree.

Yoongi's smirk is back, and his finger slides to your throat until suddenly, his entire hand is around your neck, tugging you gently forward.

"I want to fuck you, kitten," Yoongi growls.

"Y-yes, sir," you whimper.

"I'm going to clear everything off of my desk, and I want you to get out of these clothes. If your bra and panties are cute, I would like them to stay on. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good."

Yoongi lets go of you and begins taking the stacks of paperwork off of his desk and placing them neatly against the wall behind it. You unzip your skirt, pushing it to the floor before stepping out of it, and out of your heels. Then you unbutton your shirt and shrug out of it and the blazer over it, dropping them to the pile on the floor. You feel cold suddenly and stand with your arms hugging your torso, waiting for instruction.

Once Yoongi's desk is clear, save for a lamp and small pen cup sitting in one corner, he pats the top of it. "Lay back, legs pointing toward the elevator and hands above your head," he instructs.

You do as you're told, crawling onto the cool wooden surface and laying across it with your hands over your head and knees bent so your legs don't hang uncomfortably off the end. This position feels awkward and exposing, but you want to please Yoongi, so you attempt to calm your nerves.

Yoongi straps your hands over your head using the leather belt that's connected to the underside of his desk and what feels like leather handcuffs, which you did not notice him produce from anywhere, and you begin to pant nervously. This is only the second time you've been bound by someone, the first also being him, and you're not sure how you'll feel about having so little freedom during sex.

Once you're secured, Yoongi rounds his desk, and you crane your neck to look at him, drinking in his milky pale skin as he unbuttons his skirt, shrugging it onto the floor. You're always stunned by Yoongi's shape, overcome with the urge to kiss and praise his thin, trim body, adoring every inch of him. You're in a pink lace bra and panty set that you picked up recently while shopping for more skirt suit sets to wear, using Yoongi's credit card, per his request. Yoongi seems to be into lace, so you bought several underwear sets for him.

"Pink?" Yoongi smirks. "Cute. Did you buy this with my card?"

"Yes, sir."

"I love the lace." Yoongi takes your right leg and pulls it over his shoulder, standing with his thighs against the edge of the desk. A sense of pride pools in your stomach. "I want to see you in satins and plain mesh, too, kitten. Get something red with a garter belt and whatever else you feel sexy in. No need to bring me the receipts; I like surprises."

"I wouldn't expect my lingerie to be filed as a business expense anyway," you tease. "Although, I guess the extent of our relationship takes place in the office, so maybe it's a grey area."

Yoongi chuckles, placing soft kisses down your ankle and calf, which tickle, and you do your best not to flinch or tug away from him. "Once we're no longer hiding from Hoseok, I'll take you out somewhere nice. Skyrise bars and restaurants, weekends in the countryside, shopping sprees in Tokyo. I'll show you what it's like to date someone with money and power."

"Date?" you ask, surprised that Yoongi would actually desire anything from you beyond having a pretty little pet to fuck.

"I told you I'm quite sweet once you get to know me; do you doubt me, kitten?"

"N-no," you gasp as Yoongi's mouth moves over your knee, teeth gently nibbling at your skin, "I'm just surprised you'd want to date me."

"What did I say about you moments ago?"

"T-that I'm brilliant, thoughtful and sharp," you mutter, arousal beginning to pool between your legs as Yoongi's lips move along your thigh. Yoongi leans forward on one hand planted next to your hip as he slowly bends to kiss you lower.

"And?"

"A-and obedient and sexy—" you gasp as Yoongi nibbles on your inner thigh, inches from your core.

"And you taste like heaven," Yoongi groans, sucking on your skin before licking circles around the area he sucked, moving down until his lips are right above your clothed pussy. "And you're perfect for me."

Arousal floods your senses, overwhelming you as a thin blanket of heat seems to engulf your entire body. Yoongi's mouth teasing you is one thing, but his words of praise send you over the edge. Your hands open before squeezing shut in their bindings, and you wish you could tangle your fingers in his hair or pull him close.

"Yoongi," you whimper.

Yoongi's tongue laps over your panties, pushing against your folds, and your legs tremble as a soft gasp leaves your lips. "Yes, kitten?"

"Please, I need you."

"Where do you need me, baby?"

Two fingers rub across your core, down to your entrance, and back up to your clit. Hot breath ghosts over you, making you shiver and gently rock your hips, desperate for more.

"Everywhere," you whine, "on me, inside me, everywhere, please."

Yoongi pushes your panties aside and presses two fingers into your heat, stretching you around him. You whimper, back arching slightly.

"Like this, baby?" Yoongi asks before flicking his tongue over your clit.

"F-fuck, yes!" you whine.

Yoongi starts slow, working you up as he twists his fingers in and out, gently laving his tongue over you. You whine and shake, pulling on your restraints as you keep forgetting that you're bound, hearing the leather straps and metal fastenings scrape and clatter from the movement.

When Yoongi picks up his pace, devouring you, you moan loudly, squeezing your eyes closed for a moment before craning your neck to see his light blond hair between your thighs. A third finger joins, and you feel a huge wave of pleasure spread from your pussy to your limbs, euphoric and warm.

Something about having your hands tied above your head seems to add to the arousal. Perhaps it's the loss of control; you're unsure, but now you think you could stay bound on Yoongi's desk for an eternity if he would allow it.

Yoongi's fingers fuck you faster than you're used to, pressing up against an erogenous zone that you've only encountered with toys before, stimulating it until the sensation becomes too overwhelming. Yoongi rubs it, pressing into it past the point of overstimulation, and that, mixed with his tongue on your clit, makes you moan loudly, squeezing your hands tightly.

"F-fuck, too much," you cry out. "Yoongi!"

"Breathe, kitten," Yoongi instructs sweetly, "just relax into the feeling."

You do your best to relax, closing your eyes and breathing deeply. Yoongi sucks your clit between his lips, flicking it with his tongue, and a new, bigger wave of pleasure takes you. Your entire body shakes, and as you suddenly come, it feels as if a geyser erupts inside of you. All of your senses get covered in fog, and your body feels tingly and sensitive. You can feel liquid hitting your thighs—can hear your pussy squelching around Yoongi's fingers.

"Fuck, you are perfect for me, baby," Yoongi groans, slowing his fingers while he licks over your cunt, savoring every last drop.

You've seen squirting porn, so you're aware of what just happened, but you're stunned and exhausted, waiting for your body and brain to be on the same level as one another. You're confident they're both floating, wherever they happen to be.

"I didn't know I could do that," you mutter, resting your face against one of your arms, mouth hanging open and dragging over your skin.

You hear the sounds of Yoongi's belt buckle coming undone and the rustling of his pants, but you can't bring yourself to look up just yet. The high that the orgasm brought still lingers like a cloud over you, holding you in place while the sheen of sweat that covers your body begins to cool. Yoongi pulls your wet panties off, tossing them to the floor, then reaches up to tug your bra cups down, past your breasts.

"Ready for my cock, kitten?" Yoongi mutters, positioning one of your legs over his shoulder once more. "I've been dying to fuck you."

You open your eyes and look up, enthralled by the sight before you. Yoongi stands with his hard, beautiful cock in hand and slacks pushed down his thighs, with a slick sheen of your release running from his chin to his belly. His gaze is a mix of soft and intense that you didn't know was possible; you wonder if you're imagining it.

"Yes, please," you whine, fighting your fluttering eyelids to watch his expression. You want to see him enter you—want to watch as you squeeze his cock.

Yoongi grabs your hips and tugs you until your ass hangs just off the edge of the desk, stretching your arms straight above your head. He rubs his cock through your folds, coating the head with your release, and you whimper as it passes over your sensitive clit. Yoongi grins, watching you watch him.

Slowly, Yoongi lines his cock with your entrance and pushes into you. The feeling makes you whine and tug on your restraints; he's so big, stretching you so deliciously that it adds to the intoxication that already consumes you. And the look on Yoongi's face is just as amazing as you hoped it would be as his mouth falls open, eyes widening despite tightly knitted brows. Once entirely inside you, Yoongi leans forward, stretching the leg that's slung over his shoulder, hovering inches over you.

"Fuck, you are tight," Yoongi growls. "That feel good, kitten?"

"Y-yes, sir," you whine, "f-feels amazing, Yoongi."

"Do I feel better than Hoseok?"

"W-what?"

You don't want to answer this question, and given the circumstances, you're not sure you should. Especially after the orgasm he gave you, every sensation is heightened and better than anything you'd ever felt before.

"The question is simple, kitten. Does my cock feel better than Hoseok's cock?"

From behind Yoongi, the elevator door dings before opening, and you gasp, clenching around Yoongi in fear, pulling a hiss from between his teeth.

"Speak of the devil," Yoongi smirks, making no move to get off of you or try to explain what's happening, though you have no clue how he would begin to do that. He doesn't even look over his shoulder.

"Well, well, well," Hoseok's voice calls from near the elevator. "What have we here?"

Your heart pounds hard in your chest, threatening to make you even dizzier, and you attempt to calm it, taking measured breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Feebly, you try to yank your arms down, but there's no use; the restraints are too tight, and the more you pull, the more your fingers feel numb.

"I t-thought you said Hoseok doesn't have access to this floor from the elevator," you gasp, watching Yoongi for any sort of reaction at all.

Yoongi smirks, licks his lips, and rasps, "I lied."

♢ Story written for the Suits & Ties Collab event

Tags: @btsiguess-kpop, @dasexydevitt13, @giriiboyy, @moonleeai, @mwitsmejk 🖤 DM or commend to be added to the tag list!

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#fic: shaky deposition #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #yoongi smut #hoseok smut #bts smut #bts poly #suits & ties collab

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celticcrossanon · 3 years ago

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BRF Reading - 16th of April, 2022

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 15th of April, 2022

Question: Did Harry and Meghan visit Her Majesty on Maundy Thursday as reported?

Note: The energy of this reading was very stiff. I had to physically push the cards together into one pack after each shuffle. Someone or something was resisting this visit with every fibre of their being - they did not want it to happen.

Interpretation: They wanted to visit her as they needed to ask for money

Card One: The Knight of Cups. This is a rather faint or soft energy in this reading - it is not jumping out and hitting me like some of the other cards. The Knight of Cups is the card for Pisces, and Pisces is the sun sign of both Edward and Andrew. I think this is the treatment of Prince Andrew, that seeing him so prominent at the memorial service and seeing the Queen with him since his trial finished (they were seen in a car together, from memory) has given Harry and Meghan hope that their exile is not permanent and that they, too, may be received back into the fold and restored to all their former perks and royal glory.

The Knight of Cups can be a peacemaker or someone with a message about a relationship, or a humanitarian, so this could be Harry and Meghan wanting to be seen as peacemakers in their relationship with the BRF. That interpretation doesn't quite fit the energy of the card though. It might be a side benefit of their actions, but I think the main energy of this card is hope that they can be received by the BRF and have the appearance of being closely connected to the royal family again.

The reversed energy of this card can involve tantrums and moodiness, so there may be some of that involved, although it is not really coming through in the energy of the card. The card energy is all soft and hopeful. A 'softly, softly' approach, maybe.

Card Two: The Page of Pentacles. This is my card for Great Britain, especially England, and that is the energy I am getting from this card. It represents Great Britain in this reading. The Harkles want to visit or have been encouraged to visit Great Britain by recent events. The energy of this card is again faint, like the first card in the reading. It is of Great Britain and I think a faint longing to be there again, or a desire to visit, or something like that - a longing to take one's place in the country again, I think.

The Page of Pentacles is an earth sign child, and Harry is an earth sign grandchild, so this especially applies to him. Pages can be messengers, so maybe he has a message he wants to deliver, or there is a message to be given to him. Like the first card, the energy here is quite soft and faint, so it is hard to make out. The overall feeling I am left with is a wistful longing, a nostalgia for what once existed and now is no more.

Card Three: The Queen of Wands. This is a fire sign person, particularly an Aries. It is not Meghan. It has none of her dark and difficult energy. I thought it might be the Queen, as the figure is holding the lion(ess) of England on a leash, but it doesn't feel exactly like thee Queen - it could be her and another person combined in one card. Not Princess Anne (a Leo). It could be Eugenie (an Aries) or Beatrice (a Leo). Of those two I am leaning towards Eugenie, but I am not sure.

Card Four: The Nine of Swords. This is a card of being extremely stressed, and that energy is coming through quite strongly. The stress is attached to the Queen of Wands in some way - I think she is feeling very stressed, whoever she is. I'm not getting anything else from this card except waves of stress. If the Queen of Wands is her Majesty, she is stressed due to her failing physical health. If it is Eugenie, it is the stresses of her life (money and family life, I think). I can't pick up anything else - the feeling of stress is drowning out everything else.

Card Five: The Six of Cups. This card is a card of nostalgia, especially about one's childhood. It is coming across as a desire to return to how things were in the past. There is a sense that things were better in the past, or when someone was growing up, and they want to return to that state. This is either Harry or the Queen of Wands, and I think it is the Queen of Wands. She wants very much for things to go back to how she remembers they were when she was younger. There is a sense of riches/luxury being present in the past that is not present in the current life, and the person wants that luxury back. The past is seen in a golden light as a time when nothing went wrong and there was no stress, and the person wants to experience that again in the present. It's not a greedy energy, just a longing for how the person perceives the past to have been and a desire to recreate that feeling in the present, which is full of stresses.

Underlying Energy One: The Six of Pentacles. This is a card about money/status/material things, both giving them and receiving them. The card shows King Minos giving money to the craftsman Daedalus, who is a supplicant kneeling before the throne and pleading/begging for money.

This card tells me that the reason the Harkles wanted to visit the Queen is to ask for money/status/other material goods. They were metaphorically going to beg Her Majesty for more money and/or an increase in social status/and or an increase in material goods.

This could take many forms: please let us appear on the balcony during your jubilee celebrations (increase in status, to appear as royals again), please give us more money because we deserve it/we are broke, please acknowledge us as really-truly royals as we can't sell ourselves other wise, please give us back Frogmore Cottage as we need a house in England, please buy us another house, please give us royal jewels to wear in the Netherlands, please ask the Dutch Royals to treat us like visiting royals, please take us back as working royals, please let us stay half in half out and do tours for you, etc.

I don't know what, specifically, the Harkles asked for but they definitely asked for something/s, and they probably flat out begged for it, as they are in the position of Daedalus on the card, i.e. the supplicant.

Underlying Energy Two: Death. The energy from this card is of Prince Charles. The Death card is the card of Scorpio and Charles is a sun sign Scorpio. The energy of this card is very supportive and welcoming. Charles is supporting the Harkles in some way, or they expect him to support them. They could expect him to support them in their pleas to the Queen, or they could plan to move on to him when they have finished with the Queen and expect him to view their pleas/propositions favourably.

The card shows people kneeling before the figure of Death, but unlike the Six of Pentacles card the people kneeling are offering Death gifts, not begging for money. This says to me that the Harkles are 'offering gifts' of some sort to Charles, wanting to butter him up so he stays on their side and views them with favour.

With the two cards (the Six of Pentacles and Death) showing people in very similar postures and coming one after the other, I think that the Harkles mean to go to Her Majesty first and ask for things (Six of Pentacles) and then they will go to Charles, soften him up with gifts of some sort, and either ask for more things or enlist his support for getting what they want from her Majesty - possibly both.

The energy of the Death card is that of Charles welcoming the Harkles (Death stands in a posture of welcome on the card, with his arms open to receive the people in front of him - and their gifts) . It has a very supportive energy to it so I would not be at all surprise if he supports their requests for things from Her Majesty.

Death can mean an ending, so this card could indicate an ending of some sort, but I am not sure of what as the energy from the card is of welcome and support. Perhaps Charles is just glad to see his son again.

Conclusion: From the reading I get an overall energy of nostalgia and a strong sense of stress, with the stress being felt by the Queen of Wands, who could be the Queen, Princess Eugenie, or someone else. The strongest energy is the underlying energy - Harry and Meghan need more money/material items/royal status, and they are begging the Queen for this. They have gifts for Charles and they are expecting him to welcome them with open arms and to support them in their petitions to the Queen.

I may go back and draw some clarifiers for this spread as some of it was very faint and hard to pin down.

The only major arcana card was Death - Scorpio - Prince Charles - so he is the major player in this.

Unless - and I just thought of this - the Death card means the end is coming for the Queen, or that Harry and Meghan think the end is coming for her because of her physical frailty, and they are trying to get back in her good graces to get things from her before she goes.

Death card was definitely a person, and it was definitely a welcoming and supportive energy, so ... could be Charles, could be the Queen, whoever it is either being gracious and forgiving or expected to be that way by the Harkles.

I need to ask more questions to figure out what is going on here.

EDIT: I want to make it clear that while the Harkles are asking for money/status from the Queen and/or Prince Charles, I had no energy to say whether this would be granted or not. The welcoming energy from the Death card could just be Charles being glad to see his sons again, or the Queen being glad to see her grandson again. It was not a yes to their demands. If the Death card represents Prince Charles, it could be that he will support the Harkles in their begging things from the Queen (or that the Harkles expect him to support them), but there was no energy to say that the Queen would say Yes to them. If the Death card was Her Majesty, it would be a welcoming energy because she was glad to see Harry again, and not a Yes to their demands energy. I have to ask another question to see whether the Harkles got what they wanted, as I didn't get any energy on that at all in this reading.

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anniesocsandgeneralstore · 3 years ago

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If I Go, I'm Goin' On Fire - Part 1 (Rick Flag x OC)

Summary: Delphia's eyes have gone white and no one can make it stop.

Pairing: Rick Flag x OC / Squad Family & OC (Delphia Holman)

Word Count: 3825

Warnings: ANGST, coma mention, missing person mention, language, i am so sorry

Timeline: April 2022

if i go masterlist

A/N: I am mega nervous to post this. It's different from anything I've ever written and I hope that you guys like what I'm doing with this little universe I've made.

Abner’s entire childhood was spent in a lab being poked and prodded. And then as soon as he was free from one prison he was thrown into another. So it was no wonder that now that he was out — really and truly free — he loved being outside. Reading in the gazebo, hanging out with Harley dishing gossip in the treehouse, helping Cleo find wildflowers to make into beautiful bouquets.

And so, that fateful morning, when Delphia asked for his help in pulling weeds from the flower beds out front, he jumped at the opportunity to spend a few hours in the sun. Abner felt his entire world brighten when Delphia smiled thankfully at him. He didn’t see his mother when he looked at Delphia. All he saw was red hair and kind blue eyes and more motherly affection than the woman who raised him ever showed. He was so grateful to her and Rick for everything they had done for him and the rest of the squad. For giving them a place to live. For helping them all find jobs. For making them feel like a family.

It really was just like a family.

It was warm and comforting and he didn’t dread walking through the front door at the end of the day. He longed for it even. He longed to be in that house with those people. Eating warm meals around the dinner table, playing far too intense board games, and listening to Rick and DuBois yell at their favorite sports teams.

And it was the happiest Abner had ever been in his entire life.

“Alright, where do you need me to start?” he asked as he walked out onto the front sidewalk.

Delphia stood in front of the azalea bushes, trowel in hand. But when he spoke to her she didn’t respond. She didn’t move or even turn her head to look at him. Only continuing to stare into the white paneling of the house in front of her.

Abner came closer to her with an unsure smile. “Hey d’you here me? I’m ready to start working.”

Still, she didn’t answer. Even though he was right beside her. Concern fell over him as the first snow of winter as he reached out to touch her shoulder. He had to force her body to turn and look at him — pushing her shoulder away.

“Oh, God!” Abner yelped, jumping away from her with a spastic flail of his hands.

Her eyes. All white and unblinking. He’d only seen her like that one another time. It was freaky then and it was terrifying now.

Because the first time he had known the purpose of her using her Sight as she liked to call it. She’d done it with a nod and a mischievous wink the night before his job interview. Her eyes going white so she could tell him all the questions that were going to be asked of him. But now — but now with her eyes like that, it didn’t feel helpful or mischievous. It felt wrong and ominous and Abner had to wonder what reason she could possibly have for looking into the future right now.

“Right, okay — what — what does Rick do when you’re like this?” Abner mumbled to himself. Then he snapped his fingers in front of Delphia’s face a few times and said, “Hey, Dee, you still here? You can��Come out now?”

That didn’t work.

“It’s me — Abner. Er….We gotta get weed-eating so if you could just stop doing that now that’d be cool.”

Still, there was no change. An iron ball of dread sunk low into his stomach.

Oh, God.

He took hold of her shoulders and shook her softly. His voice cracked with a fear he hadn’t felt since the experimentation of his youth. “Dee?”

Delphia’s blank face only stared back at him. White eyes unblinking and unchanging and terrifying. His breath trembled from him as he searched her for any sign. Any sign that she was there. That she was going to pull herself out. And he couldn’t find one.

He dashed back inside, desperately hoping that someone else was home.

Harley sat on her bed — Looney Tunes playing in the background and a nearly finished collage in her lap. Filled with pictures she had taken from the girl’s trip into town where they tried on all those wedding dresses. She smiled as she glued on one last flower clipped from a magazine she’d dug out of the trash behind her work. It’s amazing what people will just throw away. Perfectly good magazines, purses, an assortment of knives that she hadn’t told Rick or Delphia about.

But that didn’t matter. What mattered right now was the collage and where she was going to hide it until the bachelorette party she was planning. Delphia deserved a day off from working around the house and one last night out before she tied the knot. And Harley was planning the perfect day. Filled with massages and bar hopping and going ax throwing. Harley was most excited about the ax throwing and the pedicures. Mostly the ax throwing.

It felt good — to be entrusted with something like this. Harley nearly cried when Delphia asked her to plan it. That was something a friend did — maybe even family. And Delphia put all her faith in her with a knowing smile and a confidence that made Harley feel that much more confident in herself. Harley had never felt this before. This sort of unconditional love. Not with the orphanage, definitely not with Mr. J. It could only be found here in this house with these people and there was no way she was going to let it go. Not for anything in this world.

“Help!” Abner screamed from downstairs, “Is anyone home? Please — I need some help!”

Harley instantly jumped from her bed, tossing the collage aside, and bolted down the stairs. Abner stood in the foyer with crazed eyes and his hands wringing themselves into knots.

She hopped from the last step and said, “Hey, Pokey, what’s got your panties all in a twist, huh?”

“Oh, thank God. It’s — It’s Dee,” he stuttered, throwing his thumb over his shoulder, “We — We were supposed to work in the front garden but….She’s stuck — “

“Stuck where? Like Winnie the Pooh?” Harley cackled, “Now this I gotta see!”

“Wait, Harley, not like that — “ Abner began but it was too late.

There was no stopping her now. If Delphia was stuck halfway through a window or in a badger hole or something, Harley was absolutely going to see it and take millions of photos of it and then remind her of this occasion for the rest of time. A fun moment they could share for a lifetime. When they were old and grey on the private island they owned, sipping margaritas (What? A girl could dream.). She didn’t need any more information before she yanked open the front door and stepped outside.

But it felt like she’d been doused with ice water when she saw her.

“Why didn’t you say she was stuck like that?” Harley asked when Abner came to stand beside her.

“I tried to,” he hissed, “I’ve tried snapping in her ears, talking to her, shaking her — she won’t pull herself out of it.”

Harley chuckled nervously — a coping mechanism to make herself feel less scared. No. She wasn’t scared. Not at all. Her friend was going to be fine. Just fine. “Nothin’ to worry about, Pokey! You just give Flag a call and I’ll handle this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, totally!” She shooed him away with a finely practiced grin. “I got this!”

When Abner had disappeared around the corner with his phone to his ear Harley took a deep breath as she came face to face with Delphia. It was spooky looking into those eyes. Eyes that she knew saw everything and yet nothing while she was like that. At first, Harley thought her power was cool. Always gouding her about which lottery ticket would win her millions at the gas station or if she should begin her day with cereal or oats in order for the rest of it to go well. But the more she talked with Delphia, the more she began to realize that that power was always going to feel like a burden and never a gift. She stopped joking about it once Delphia admitted to her what her job had really been with Waller.

“Allright, doll, I’m really sorry about this,” Harley sighed.

Then she slapped Delphia across the face. So hard it even hurt her own hand. She watched, lip caught on her black painted lip, as Delphia’s cheek reddened. But her eyes never once changed. Not even a glimmer or a waver in the whiteness over them. Panicking, Harley slapped her other cheek. There was still no change. Just her face pointing the other direction and now both cheeks pinked in the shape of her hand.

“Dee?” Harley took hold of her face and shook it around gently. “This ain’t a time for playin’ games. You gave Abner and me a good scare — so you can stop now. Very funny. S’a good prank.”

Harley had never hated more to be met with complete and total silence.

“Dee, baby?”

Abner jogged back around the corner. “Rick’s not answering his phone.”

“Shit,” Harley pushed out through clenched teeth. She wasn’t exactly the leader type. But right now, Delphia needed her. So she pulled the trowel from her hand and threw it on the ground. “Try him again. Let’s just get her inside for now.”

Nanaue kept to himself most of the time. His bedroom was quite literally the pool. It reminded him of the ocean where he grew up. But he enjoyed having visitors. He enjoyed people dipping their toes in and talking to him. Playing games. Eating food inside.

Friends. No. Family.

Delphia taught him that. That they were his family now. He liked that most of all.

So when he saw, over the edge of the pool, Abner and Harley toss Delphia onto the couch unceremoniously he bristled. The red haired woman was never like that. She was always awake and graceful and warm. She always smiled and waved at him through the window and offered him snacks. Was something wrong with her? Was something wrong with his family?

Concern, such an unfamiliar emotion for Nanaue, manifested itself in a white hot anger instead.

He rose from the pool as a Lovecraftian horror and dashed towards the sliding glass door. He didn’t even take the time to open it, he simply crashed his head through the glass and muscled his way through the frame. Bending it all out of shape and cutting his skin in his hurry to get inside.

“Family!” he shouted at Delphia, huffing and puffing.

Harley and Abner stared at him for a moment as they adjusted Delphia’s limbs to lay comfortably on the couch. They didn’t understand. Delphia would’ve understood. She always did. With another huff he tried to get closer to her, but Harley instantly got up and put her hands on his chest to stop him.

“Woah, woah, big guy — easy,” she said.

“Want to…” Nanaue couldn’t find the words. There were so many. “Help!”

“That’s very sweet, but — “ Harley looked back over her shoulder at Delphia and sighed. “But I don’t think this is something any of us can help with.”

Nanaue growled. Fine. He couldn’t help. But something was wrong. That much he was sure of. So instead, he stomped around to the other side of the couch and sat down on the floor. His large head sticking out over the top so he could see everything that was going on — so he could see if anything changed with Delphia.

“Stand guard,” he told Harley and Abner.

The white hot anger was gone. Finally understanding that concern laid on him like an oil spill. Thick and suffocating.

“Flag’s still not answering?” Harley said.

“No,” Abner replied, “Maybe we should try your phone?”

Cleo furrowed her brow as she stepped through the broken back door. She had only been gone for twenty minutes. Roaming the woods behind their house and picking wild flowers as she went. But now Nanaue was sitting guard behind the couch, Harley and Abner were bickering worriedly, and Delphia was laying there — unblinking white eyes staring up at the ceiling.

“What’s going on?” Cleo asked as she stepped further into the living room.

“It’s um — “ Harley tried to say, tears shining in her eyes as she cleared her throat and tried again. “It’s Dee. She — She won’t come out of her Sight. And — And we don’t know what ta do.”

She shrugged with a half formed smile. Cleo’s brow buckled in even further as she set down the small bouquet she had gathered and edged closer to Delphia.

“Have you — “

“We’ve tried everything.” Harley shook her head with a quivering lip. “We’ve tried everything.”

Cleo turned back to look at Harley. Then to Abner. Nanaue. She had never seen any of them look so scared before. So worried. It felt like a balloon was filling in her chest. Forcing all the air out and making everything too tight. She’d felt something similar when she found her father dead in that alley all those years ago. Was someone else going to die now?

Abner took the phone away from his ear with a frustrated shout. “We’re trying to call Rick now — but he won’t answer. What the hell is he doing?”

“Him and Robert are interrogating a suspect for that missing persons case,” Cleo answered, eyes glued to Delphia.

She didn’t want to lose another family.

“Shit you’re right,” Abner groaned.

“Dee told me what it was like once,” Cleo said, coming up to the couch and sitting on the ground beside it, “She said….It was like her entire self is transported somewhere else. But she can still sense what’s going on in the present.”

She took hold of Delphia’s hand and interlaced their fingers. Holding onto her tight. Sebastian, squeaking sadly, crawled down from her shoulder and came to rest on Delphia’s abdomen.

“She needs to know that we’re there for her.”

DuBois hated to admit it, but Flag was better at interrogations than he was. Flag had more patience and experience. But did he seriously have to take over for him with such a smug ass look on his face? They had bagged the suspect in town and brought them to the office they had been renting out. At first, they were unwilling to talk about what happened that day six months ago. Bur right now, with Flag listening intently and DuBois standing by the door in case they tried to run, they were singing like a bird. Giving loads of helpful information for their case.

Maybe they would find this missing kid after all.

And just as the suspect was getting to the good part, DuBois' phone vibrated in his pocket. He groaned as he fished it out of his jeans. It was a call from Krill. The fuck did he want? With a face he silenced the call and focused back on the interrogation. But then his phone started vibrating again. So he silenced it again. And again. And again. Until finally —

DuBoi stepped out into the hallway with a groan and answered the phone. “The fuck you want Krill — we’re in the middle of somethin’ ‘ere?”

“Oh, thank God!” Krill answered back, “You answered!”

“You have thirty seconds before I hang up.”

“Please, don’t. We’ve been trying to call Rick for the past hour but he wouldn’t answer. It’s Delphia. She went into her Sight and won’t come back out — or can’t bring herself out. We’re not sure. We — We’ve tried everything but nothing’s working. We’re starting to get worried.”

“Shit,” DuBois sighed, “Who’s we?”

“Everybody. The whole team.”

“Alright. We’ll be there in twenty.” DuBois hung up the phone and sighed again. Long and hard.

He would never admit this to anyone, ever, but he liked Delphia. She was a bit of a hard-ass. But she was loving and kind and treated his kid well when she was around. What more is that she cared about him. Actually cared about Robert DuBois. Ex-assassin and gun for hire. And it was never about what he could do for her or some burdensom responsibility. It was only out of the goodness of her heart and that made DuBois snear and soften all at the same time.

The door to the office opened and Flag stepped out with a satisfied grin. “Alright, they last saw Benny down at the quarry — but he was leaving in a red pick-up. And — what?”

DuBois watched as Flag’s face fell — brow furrowed and lips turned in a frown. His face must have been saying more than he realized. Fuck.

“DuBois, what’s goin’ on?”

“It’s Dee, man. She’s in trouble.”

The man was built like a fridge and DuBois was always impressed with the way he could haul ass when need be. But he had never seen Flag move that quickly before. His eyes widened for a split second before he was running down the hallway and towards the door to the parking lot. DuBois followed after him nearly as quickly, leaving the suspect in their office alone and confused.

Once the door was opened he saw Flag already at the Jeep, tugging at the locked doors angrily. Oh, shit. DuBois yanked the keys out of his pocket.

“Oi! I’ve got’em!”

Flag caught the keys he tossed easily and practically dove into the driver’s seat. DuBois barely had time to slide into the vehicle beside him before he was peeling out of the parking lot.

“You know what’s wrong?” Flag asked as he drove, grip on the steering wheel tight and focus unwavering.

On the country roads, he was even going too fast for DuBois’ tastes.

“Krill said something about ‘er bein’ stuck in her Sight. They’ve tried everythin’ to pull her out but nothin’s worked.”

“Shit,” Flag hissed with a smack to the steering wheel.

“This eva happened before?”

“Er — When she’s panicking, yeah. But I don’t….Shit. I was able to pull her out of it then. Did they say how long she’s been like that?”

“‘Bout an hour.”

Flag coughed as he adjusted in his seat. Fingers flicking from the steering wheel to rubbing his forehead to picking at his jeans to adjusting the air temperature. There was something more going on here. DuBois just knew it. He could see on Flag’s face the panic, the fear, the tears that were glossing over his eyes.

“You said you’ve done it before, yeah?” DuBois spoke encouragingly.

“Yeah, but…It’s different now.”

DuBois narrowed his eyes. “Different how?”

Flag’s eyes shifted from the road for a split second to glance at his partner. Then he sighed, fingers tapping nervously against the leather wheel. He sighed again. Nervous. He didn’t want to say. DuBois opened his mouth to tell him to forget it.

But then Flag said, “Dee’s pregnant.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” That was not what DuBois was expecting. “How long you guys known?”

“Twelve weeks.”

“A whole three months?” DuBois asked incredeliously, “And you haven’t told anyone?”

“We were waitin’ for the right time.” Flag shrugged, a bit distracted but still tense. “Her parents know at least.”

DuBois nodded, then he sighed dramatically. “Shit — gonna have to move out now. Babies are annoyin’ as shit.”

Flag chuckled as he turned onto the back road that they lived on.

DuBois really hoped that Delphia and that baby were okay.

An eerie, heavy sort of silence filled the house as Rick Flag walked through the front door. The sun was nearly set and the lights were off. There wasn’t the smell of food from the kitchen or soft folk music playing from the speakers. This didn’t feel like his home. Didn’t feel like the place where he felt the most loved, the most at peace, the most relaxed. Because he knew, in the back of his mind, Delphia wasn’t really there.

Everyone looked up at him like their savior when he stepped into the living room. But it only succeeded in making him feel all the more helpless.

A deep terror, like a bullet to the gut, hit him when his eyes landed on Delphia. Laying flat on her back, fire red hair sprawled out on a crooked pillow, eyes — oh, God her eyes. Hollow and solely white and terrible. No one said anything as Rick took her into his arms. They all hung on bated breath, waiting for a miracle. He sat down on the couch, Delphia in his lap with her head against his chest. With a trembling breath, he spread his hand over the slight swell of her belly.

Was it really only yesterday? Yesterday, that she had turned to him from the full-length mirror, shirt hitched up under her armpits, to tell him that her bump had finally popped. Her smile had been joyous and warm and bright. Her eyes blue, crystalline, and filled with a love he never thought he could have. That he never deserved.

Rick squeezed his eyes shut against the pain, against the fear, as he gripped the back of her neck gently. He held her ear to his chest, trying to calm the heavy beating of his heart.

He really wished everyone wasn’t watching.

“Dee? Baby girl?” he whispered softly, “Listen to my heart, okay? Listen to the beat of it.”

And then he waited. Hoping, praying, that this would work. She had never been under for this long. Not that he could remember. And with each passing moment where nothing seemed to change he felt his heart hammer against his ribcage. Forcing his lungs to work overtime, to flutter uncomfortably in his chest. His grip on her tightened. Tears he felt betrayed by and terrified of slipped past his hard exterior.

“Dee,” he tried again, his voice thick with emotion as he spoke into her hairline, “Please come back to me — please.”

Nothing.

He took hold of her hand and gripped it tight against her abdomen. “Come on, baby girl, the squad needs you. The baby needs you. I need you.”

Her eyes remained white and unfazed.

A noise, choked with sorrow and grief and the fear that consumed him, slipped past Rick’s lips as he pressed his forehead into Delphia’s. Hadn’t she told him once, that this was her greatest fear? Ending up just like her mother — stuck in the future while her body withered away?

“Oh, God, please no,” he whispered, “Not her. Not her.”

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