#so...ugh..TW! PENIS!!

[gimpy666]

You are attacked my a mob!

Actually I don't like this but I spent a lot of time on it so.. yeah

[just-antithings]

From a well known author who recently came out as a trans man

Good morning! I've spent most of the last week offline because I've had thousands of transphobes flooding all my social media to tell me I'm just a lesbian & will never be a man.

These are the same people who use to say I wasn't a lesbian because my partners are trans women FYI.

And of course there's transphobic comments on this post. A shitload of them actually (massive tw):

Can you explain why you were pretending to be a lesbian? Surely you think it's very wrong for men to appropriate lesbian culture? Which, if you were actually a man, you would have done. When will you apologise to the lesbian community? (a man wrote this btw)

If your partners have a penis and you have a penis.. then you weren't a lesbian.

Dressing like a lesbian doesn’t make you a man. (how tf do you 'dress like a lesbian')

I’m sorry you have internalized homophobia enough to where you transed yourself (from - surprise surprise - a gimmick account whose whole schtick is attacking people who say 'queer')

Make up your mind, first you are heterosexual, then a lesbian and now a man. Honestly no one can take you seriously

You aren’t even a lesbian. You are heterosexual woman with a Troon husband. That didn’t make you Gay. It made you an internet gender grifter who had to keep coming up with queer ways to keep your audience of Queers..

You’re a straight woman married to a crossdressing man, so I would never call you a lesbian, no. (the response to this was "ma'am this is wendy's"/"what if it identifies as pizza hut?" which damn it is much funnier than this crap deserves)

Fucken transphobes. Thank goodness there's some supportive comments mixed in there too (unfortunately pushed down to the bottom because all but one of the above were from someone who paid for a blue checkmark fucking shocker)

Ugh

[deepfriedhopesanddreams]

Another Transformers botbots Box au side story

TW: fire, violence and stuff

Night to know

At the Human allies home, Raven and Mina are preparing for prom. Raven wore a very dark dress and Mina wore a bit of pink. Penz-eye walked out of a room, wearing a simple yellow gown. She looks unenthusiastic about tonight.

The botbots asked and gazed at them, curious about the "Prom Night" that they're having tonight.

Dr Janet: alright everyone, these girls are going to have a prom night, so watch the dress, these cost money

Marcus: I remember my prom night, can't forget that awful fruit punch incident... Fruit punch all over my suit... But I'm sure you girls will have a wonderful prom... Hopefully...

Penz-eye: hmph, I've had prom at least seven times, well, this year is going to be my eighth

Raven: wait you have pro- oh wait yeah, you're older than us

Mina: but why are you coming to this year's prom night?

Penz-eye: because I promised Bryce, I'll be there for him

Hiraya: aren't you worried that... You know...

Penz-eye: Monica has been quiet lately, I'm sure it's fine

Everyone went silent. Suddenly, Bonz-eye came around, holding a corsage.

Penz-eye: a corsage? Bonnie, I already have one

Bonz-eye: I know, I just thought that my corsage would look nice on you

Penz-eye, felt touched by Bonz-eye. She took off her corsage and puts on Bonz-eye's corsage.

Penz-eye: it's perfect

Everyone wanted to help the girls out. Some of the bots styled the girls hairs. Penz-eye had Mother Strongroot trim her leaves.

Mother Strongroot: ugh, can't believe you're having prom in the school gym, sweetie, you had better prom nights at other venues

Penz-eye: mother, it's fine, it's not like there's going to be something bad to happen... Hey Mina, why do you have pink in your dress, it's not your colour

Mina: I just thought a little of Raven's inspiration is nice

Everyone awed. Raven grew serious.

Raven: alright! I got three cameras just in case Monica decides to do something! I'm not letting her ruin this night

Penz-eye: Raven...

Raven: I'm going to set this up around the area and you're not going to stop me

Penz-eye: fine...

They went outside. Rough Ride was waiting for them.

Rough Ride: damn, you look nice!

Raven: thank you!

Marcus: no time to chit chat, we have a prom night venue to reach!

After a short drive, they arrived at the school gym. The girls immediately entered. Raven swiftly moves around and sets the cameras up, out of the other people's view. Sabine was so happy to see them, immediately dragging Mina and Raven away from Penz-eye.

Penz-eye stood around until she saw Bryce. Bryce wore a nice suit. Excited to see her.

Bryce: hey! You actually came!

Penz-eye: yep

Bryce: you look lovely in that yellow gown

Penz-eye: thank you

They chatted for a while, taking a few prom photos, having a few cups of beverages. So far, everything was going so well. Until, the psycho herself, Monica, wearing a fancy red dress and holding unidentified objects in her hand.

Bryce and Penz-eye slowly danced together.

Bryce: hey Peni, I know I said this before but... You're the most wonderful person I've ever met...

Penz-eye: thanks, that means a lo-

Fire burned behind Penz-eye. She howled in agonising pain. Her screams were more than blood curdling, it was beyond human. Everyone froze and feared for the worst. They all saw her, Monica was holding a makeshift flamethrower, Penz-eye was barely holding on in Bryce's arms. He felt petrified, he can't scream, he can't focus. He just held onto Penz-eye.

Monica was about to get closer to Penz-eye, when suddenly, Raven tackled her, Mina followed too. They both had a fight with Monica. Everyone was freaking out. They aimed for the exit. Monica threw her makeshift flamethrower, a lighter attached to a hairspray can, at Raven. Raven dodges it, but the can leaked, causing fire to spread.

Fire grew, people screaming and Bryce was lost. He snapped out of it and checked on Penz-eye. He saw a gaping hole where her back is... Only, he saw this glowing thing, no human organs, and dirt inside... Her hair was also burnt, she smells like burning wood.... What is she...

There was no time, he rushed her out of the building.

The girls continued fighting. They reached the tables. Raven grabbed a fruit punch bowl, and threw it at Monica. Monica did get hit, but she isn't down. Mina sneaks up behind her, knocking her out. The two girls took a moment to breathe, realising that there was still fire.Everyone looks at them, shocked.

Raven: well, I knew this would happen *takes out memory wiper* Mina, get the cameras... And for everyone else... You wouldn't want to remember this... At all...

Raven covers her eyes and points at the disco light, the light from the memory wiper reflected to everyone. Wiping this horrible memory from them. Mina came back with the cameras and was wearing sunglasses, she wasn't affected by the memory wiper.

Raven and Mina immediately ordered everyone to evacuate out of the building. Raven also carries Monica out of the building. Outside, everyone watches as the school gym is in blazes... Raven quickly told them a convincing and less horrifying explanation to everyone, cancelling out the Penz-eye getting burned part. The teachers called the fire fighters and the police.

The fire fighters arrived and put out the fire, the police finally arrested Monica. Raven and Mina looked for Bryce and Penz-eye, they were last seen together earlier. They found them near the road.

Bryce was holding Penz-eye. Quietly. Confused. He heard both Raven and Mina calling out to him. Mina politely asked him, if she could hold her, he didn't say anything, Mina just took Penz-eye away.

Raven was about to wipe his memory, but the human allies arrived, dragging the three girls away.

Raven: wa-wait! I haven't -

Marcus: there's no time! We need to get you out of here, and Penz-eye is hurt!

They drove off. Leaving a confused Bryce standing. Holding onto a corsage. His mother came. She was worried. She called out to him. He looks at her, then at the van that took Penz-eye away, then back at her. And he ran off.

At the human allies home, Dr Janet was tending to Penz-eye in the living room. Everyone was feeling tense and anxious.

Gabby: will she be alright?

Dr Janet: hmm

Mother Strongroot: she definitely needs wires, lots of it

Gabby: I'm on it!

Gabby rushed to the storage room.

Raven: wait... How did you guys get here so fast?

Marcus: you know we can't simply believe this is going to be a normal night, we were around the area... Didn't expect the fire though....

Raven: you know what, I'm actually glad for your intuition

Suddenly a knock on the door was heard. Raven slowly walked towards it and looked through the peephole, seeing Bryce. He was sweaty, panting and desperate on something.

Raven slowly opens the door.

Raven: hey Bryce... Look it's not a good time right now-

He pushed open the door, hitting Raven in the head. He walked towards Penz-eye's unconscious body.

Dr Janet: young man, I can assure you, your friend is going to be fine

Bryce: how is she fine?! She has a gaping hole in her back! And... She's not human...

Dr Janet: indeed...

Bryce: that explains a lot of things... And what is this?...

He looks around, seeing a lot of eyes locked onto him. He doesn't know what to do, does he run? Does he scream... No. He just stares back at them.

Just as Dr Janet covers Penz-eye's back, Penz-eye woke up. Bryce immediately got closer to her.

Bryce: Peni!

Penz-eye: Bryce?! What- what are you doing here?!

Bryce: I... I... You left this...

He shows the corsage to Penz-eye.

Bonz-eye: hey! That's my corsage!

Bryce: gahh! You can talk?!

Penz-eye: Bryce, please stay calm... Everything is fine... But yeah that's not my corsage

Bryce: oh...

He fell silent...

Marcus: kid, are you feeling alright?

Bryce: no... No I'm not...

Penz-eye: I'm sorry that your prom experience had to go this way...

Bryce: I'm more worried about you, there's a... You know

Penz-eye: eh, I'll be fine, this isn't the worst thing to happen to me, which I won't tell you

Bryce sat down next to her. They both looked into each other. And began talking.

Bryce: you really aren't human, but like... What are you?

Penz-eye: I'm a robot/alien/bonsai tree

Bryce: oh...

Penz-eye: yep, you have feelings for a tree

Bryce: well, nature is my thing, but I didn't mean it like that....

Raven: yeah yeah *aims memory wiper at him*

Bryce: wait! I actually want to remember this... I want to know more! I want to know more of these little guys

Female botbots: and girls!

Raven: if you really want to keep this, you gotta keep this our little secret, got it! To protect these botbots!

Bryce: I promise!

Todd: whoo! We got a new member!

Everyone cheered. Gabby arrived with the wires. Confused and shocked to see Bryce.

Marcus: don't worry Gabby, he's alright! He's a new member!

Gabby: oh sweet! Anyways, here's the wires

Dr Janet and Mother Strongroot wrapped the wires around Penz-eye's body.

Dr Janet: this will do... Just don't exert too much

Penz-eye: thank you Dr Janet

Bryce: so, you're awfully calm tonight

Penz-eye: yeah, this is my eighth prom, what a night to know

Bryce: wait! Eighth?!

Penz-eye: yep, I'm way older than you think

Bryce: okay now that I'm in this group... With botbots... You don't have to hide from me right? I can ask questions?

Penz-eye: I won't, and yeah you can

Bryce: so like what are botbots?

Raven: tiny robots that are born by objects or animals merging with a dose of energon

Bryce: are there other members?

Hiraya: yes, a few

Bryce: is Peni your real name?

Penz-eye: nah, it's Penz-eye, Peni is just an alias

Bryce: *chuckle* I think it's cute

Penz-eye: heh thanks

Everyone continued chatting the night away. A breeze of nicer air elevated everyone. Surely, it is a night to know between them.

The End

[sox-in-fox]

Who wants to give me relationship advice? Tw: SA mention

Okay. I'm an agender lesbian (afab). I recently met a non-binary lesbian (amab). I like them. They are nice to me and we have things in common. I'm asexual so I don't really care what is in someone's pants, but I have trauma with men due to being SA'd. I worry that my fears will prevent me from having a possible relationship with them all because they have a penis. Shouldn't it be enough for me that they identify as a lesbian? Like. Ugh. So advice please. What should I do?

[in-sonderland]

Ugh once boards and this audition nonsense is over I think I need to get back on apps. I haven’t had actual great sex in so damn long. But also I’m scared I won’t attract anyone I think is attractive because I’m a little bigger than was I was last year around this time. Ugh. I hate my brain.

[sashi-ya]

hello sashi-ya!! may I pls request a modern nsfw scenario where law and fem reader are friends with benefits and medical students, they are studying together (just the two of them) and something happens😏

Hi darling!! Of course! I included some technical terms hahaha I hope you don't mind!. Enjoy this scenario with our grumpy doctor ♥. Thanks for requesting!! 💖 ~

NSFW ~ Trafalgar D. Water Law x F! Reader ~ Study Session

TW: Nsfw. Explicit. Oral sex. Fingering. Vaginal sex. Getting caught. Medical terms.

WC: 1.1K

“So, the superior mesenteric artery arises from the abdominal aorta, right?” you ask Law, while scanning Yokochi’s Color Atlas of Anatomy. “Yeah, under the origin of the celiac trunk…” he answers.

“Damn nerd, there is nothing you don’t know, right? you watch him, and take a sip of your iced coffee, making annoying sounds he hates. You are done with studying, you are bored. Your roomies have left the place and won’t get back until tomorrow -probably wasted from alcohol-. But Law (your friend with benefits) and you have stayed home because a big test is coming up in a week, so you have to study. But then again, you are bored as hell.

“Stop making those sounds, it gets on my nerves” he protests. “Ahh fine, fine… Why don’t you tell me something about the Dorsal Vein of the Penis, huh?” you tease him, arching your eyebrows acting all sexy -and cringey-. “What do you wanna know about it? Where it drains? The internal pudendal vein, you dummy” he says, like a smartass.

“You kidding me, right?”. Your annoyed face communicates Law you were asking jokingly. “Oh…” he says. Law might be all passionate and kinky when fucking, but he does not catch any hint when he is focus on studying. “No, I wasn’t asking where it drains Law. But, considering you know too much, why don’t you show me where it is located, huh?”. He immediately, acting like the nerd he is, stretches over the table to snatch your anatomy atlas, but you take it away. “Oh no, no. I want the true anatomy model…” Of course you know where that vein is located, you know it really well…

“Are you… I mean, you want me to?” he asks, all serious. “Uhum, show me” you say, repressing your laugh. “Fine, you know it drains the gland tissue. In my case it is not that notorious, because it’s located under subcutaneous tissue” he says while lowering the zipper of his jeans. A giggle escapes your mouth, how is he not realizing you don’t really give a shit about anatomy right now?...

He takes out his member, hard as hell. Law holds it with his hand and approaches you. “See… it should be right here…” he says. You open your mouth, you are dumbfounded. Sure you have fucked before, but why is he acting so natural?

“Why don’t you come closer and suck the hell out my dick so you can see the damn vein (Name)-ya?” he suddenly says, jerking up and down his shaft. “You son of a bitch…” you tell him, laughing out loud. He was playing along the whole time.

Right there, in the middle of the living room you kneel down and start choking with his delicious sex. The salty taste of the precum, how his tip sometimes hits your uvula making you gag, making him grunt. “Did you find the damn vein already?” he asks, smirking sexily. “Mhh... no…” you say, muffled by the dick on your mouth. “Keep sucking then, you might find it…” he laughs, and you carve your nails on his strong hips.

“Stand up, let me study some gyno with you” he says, and helps you stand up. Law turns you around, making you bend over the table -and the books-. Your -friend- quickly takes your jeans down, sliding your panties down too. Yet, the black lace remains at the height of your knees, making your legs be pressed together.

“So wet…” he says, while playing all over your labia with the juices of your arousal. Up and down, from your clit to your entrance. Your face pressed against the anatomy book Chopper lent you. Book that would probably end up at least a little bit scratched by the time he ends up with you.

“Let me make you a takt, ok?” he whispers in your ear. “Sure, doc” you say, biting your lip. His inked middle finger goes in, he twists his wrist making you moan. He does it so good… he knows exactly where to touch for sure, the advantages of fucking with a medicine nerd.

Another finger inside, and this time, with beckoning motion, he fingers you up and down, violently, hitting your G spot. Your belly pressed against the table makes everything better. Law’s hand and forearm getting wet by your squirting fluids. “Such a good patient you are” he says, while pulling your head back from your hair, as you come. Biting your lip, you look at him so satisfied, and he does it with a lascivious smile… fucking sex god.

“Oh, I think there is a way for you to find the said vein, (Name)-ya” he says, and you try to remember what vein he is talking about. “Oh… the dorsal one?” you ask, while your breathing gets back to normal. Law has you still pinned against the table -and the books- with his hand on your back. “Uhum, you may be lucky and feel it while I’m pumping inside you” he says, and soon you feel the tip of his dick slowly entering into you.

“Damn it, nerd” you say as he is now deep inside you, stretching your twitching walls. The way your knees are pressed together by your panties, makes your cave extra tight. The way his dick feels, trying to force its way into your walls. So good for you, so good for him.

“Ugh babe, so tight for me…” he moans as he fucks you so good. His hips doing magic in and out, around, deep so deep.

But let’s be honest, who would fuck in the middle of the living room of a house that is not only yours? Probably only you…

“Name!!”, “Law!!”. “I KNEW IT, Usopp you owe me a hundred…”, “Torao what are you doing?”. “Fucking grumpy emo, how are you fucking her??!”, “Where is the booze guys?”. “Ah, so you do this instead of studying! My books!!” “Hahaha”, “SUUUUUUUPER hentaaai”. “Yohohoho Torao-San!”

All of your friends are of course looking at you getting fucked, messed over Chopper’s books. Law’s grey eyes widen, you immerse into the book pages to hide your face. Law stops fucking you, but he doesn’t move. He is frozen, you are too.

“Come on guys, let the love birds finish what they’ve started, please” says Nami, pushing everyone out of the room. “We came here to make you some company instead of partying, Torao!!” says Luffy, trying to understand what the fuck was happening. “Come on, Luffy…”

“Well, at least, did you find the damn vein?” Law asks you.

“Not yet, let me continue looking for it in my room…” You tell him, while pulling from his shirt to follow you upstairs… ♥ ~

[stardustprompts]

be more chill soundtrack   sentence starters change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying tw :  language ,  nsfw ,  drugs ,  alcohol / underage drinking ,  mental health

‘if I'm not feeling weird or super strange my life would be in utter disarray 'cause freaking out is my okay.’

‘ ugh, god, I wish I had the skill to just be fine and cool and chill.’

‘I don't wanna be special, I just wanna survive.’

‘no time to wallow, no, instead, just clear your brain and move ahead.’

‘if I continue at this rate the only thing I'll ever date is my macbook pro hard drive.’

‘how was class? you look like ass. what's wrong?’

‘I saw on discovery that humanity has stopped evolving!’

‘evolution is survival of the fittest, right? but now, because of technology, you don't have to be strong to survive which means there's never been a better time in history to be a loser!’

‘I am not the one who the story's about.’

‘if this was an apocalypse I would not need any tips in how to stay alive.‘

‘I love play rehearsal and I get depressed as soon as it's done.’

‘I am passionate a lot! I have mad, gigantic feelings, red and frantic feelings about most everything!’

‘life is easy in rehearsal, you follow a script so you know what comes next.’

‘anywho, the point that I'm getting to is sometimes life can't work out in the way it works out in the play.’ 

‘most humans do one thing for all of their lives. the thought of that gives me hives.’

‘why am I telling this to you? guess there's a part of me that wants to.’

‘my brain is like "bzzz", my heart is like "wow"’

‘freshman year I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue. I was a loser just like you.’

‘my little penis was depressed, he was so lonely. poor guy.’ 

‘so ... it's like ... drugs?’

‘picture this: your weekend's just a full on slate of blowout benders, of teenage rockstar splendor.’ 

‘right now you're helpless, you are almost hopeless.’ 

‘dude, you are cooler than a vintage cassette, it's just that no one else but me thinks that yet.’

‘it's no big, 'cause you and I are a team.’

‘nobody here appreciates but soon we'll be together where they do ... 'cause guys like us are cool in college.’

‘high school is hell, but we navigate it well 'cause what we do, is we make it a two-player game.’

‘as losers, we have fought together for years, both nintendo zombies and our popular peers ... now we’re stuck on a level, and I wanna move on.’ 

‘high school is whack, but we have each other's back.’

‘you know that you are my favorite person.’

‘is it really true? i'm your favowite person?‘

‘if I assist you will be more chill.’

‘so, do you wanna ride?’

‘home in a snatch, only one catch: we gotta stop for frozen yogurt first.’

‘soon you'll see that if you listen to me, everything about you is going to be wonderful!’

‘I might be the one who the story's about, now that someone's helping me out.’ 

‘you're used to thinking about him in a certain way,  and then something changes. and he changes from a guy that you'd never be into, into a guy that you'd kinda be into.’

‘I don't always relate to other people my age.’

‘I guess a part of me likes to talk to you.’

‘yeah, that guy that I'd kinda be into is ...  (name).‘

‘your life was so pitiful before, now it's time to go all the way.’

‘don't worry about the guilt you feel, just take a breath and seal the deal.’

‘my parents won't be home so its alright. they laundered money, now they're on the run.’

‘never hung with a girl like you before. I don't know if you know it but I am sure that, for me, you are an upgrade.’ 

‘to upgrade you must be willing to make sacrifices.’

‘I don't wanna be special I just wanna be chill as life will allow.’ 

‘a halloween party's a rad excuse to put your body through mad abuse.’

‘well, I might pass out, but it's alright 'cause I'm halloween partying hard tonight!’

‘i've had sex in pretty much every room in this house.’

‘do you wanna hang for a bit? just you and me, intimately talking about all of our feelings and shit.’

‘I am hanging in the bathroom at the biggest party of the fall.’

‘I could stay right here or disappear and nobody'd even notice at all.’

‘everything felt fine when I was half of a pair.’

‘he's out there just ignoring all our history.’

‘it sucks he left me here alone, here in this teenage battlezone.’

‘my big mistake was showing up.’

‘and I can't help but yearn for a different time.’

‘it's to fucked to type this shit. it's ripe, call back, I'll yell you every word.’

‘it's just so terrible I don't want to relive it all.’ 

‘(name) set a fire and he burned down the house.’ 

‘it's just so awful, so I'll talk about it a lot.’

‘when you love somebody you put your pants on for them.’

‘if the road gets muddy focus on the goal 'till the rough stuff's gone.’

‘if the fight gets bloody just keep pushing through 'till the pain is gone.’

‘you are the person I want to be with every day.’

‘naw, man! you tell her that she excites you sexually.’

‘there are voices all around and you can never mute the sound.’ 

‘it's embarrassing-  to find out, deep down I just want things to be easy.’

[sirthisisa-wendys]

Heeyy!! For the event can i request

Inui Seishu(Tokyo Revengers)+ Zombie+ NSFW

Dismembered: Inui Seishu x Fem!Reader

wc: 635

tw: fluff (because getting a zombie penis stuck in your cooch ain't it lol)

2K Event Masterlist: Monster Mash

"How's everything going over there? I haven't heard from you in almost three months!" Your mom is on the other end of the phone, holding it up to her ear as she probably does the laundry or some domestic chore.

"Um..." You look over to the zombie sleeping on the couch, his eyes closed in the sunlight. "Remember that zombie virus that hit a while back?"

"Oh, yeah," your mother answers confidently.

"Well, Inupi ended up getting it."

"Isn't Inupi your ex?" Her question is valid, but you shrug.

"He came to my door looking for brains. I told him 'no' but that he could come inside and have one of the chickens in the backyard."

"What about the morgue?" she wonders innocently.

"You really think the morgue will allow me to have brains so he can eat?" you laugh. "He's fine with the chickens."

_____________________________________________________________

Inupi is not fine with the chickens.

While at the morgue, you're in the middle of pumping a body with formaldehyde when you hear a door slam and something glass rattle around. You check your watch - it's only 11:26 am - and note that your co-worker wouldn't be in until around 1 pm. So, who could be here?

You remove your gloves and trash them as you walk toward the door, opening it just as you see the scarred zombie ambling in it's direction.

"Inui!" you hiss, eyes widening. The zombie mutters an "mmmmm" before speeding his gait up, trying to get past you to the dead body on the table. "Inui, what the fuck are you doing here?" You shut the door behind you, much to his dismay, and he drops his shoulders, mouth slumping into a pout. His blonde hair hangs limply against his peeling forehead, but you still find it in your heart to see the man you'd known not too long ago. Even though his blue eyes are dull, and he can barely get out a few moans and grunts as communication, you can still see the Inui you once knew.

"Unnhhhh." Move.

"No. That body has formaldehyde in it," you retort.

"Unh." So?

"So; it'll hurt you." Inupi gives one more grunt, his brows furrowing. "Stop being childish. You can't have the bodies here."

The whine he emits is nothing short of bratty, but you sigh, looking around the empty hallway as if you'll find another dead body somewhere.

"We can wait for the hospital to transport a new body. But I have to make sure it's suitable for you to eat."

The next hours are spent with Inui hanging around the morgue, his eyes glazing over at the sight of so many dead bodies.

"Ahh?" What's this?

"Don't touch that," you murmur, looking at him for a moment then looking away. "Or that."

"Ugh." Seconds later, you hear a soft crunch and your head snaps over to see Inupi stooping down to pick up his hand.

"Oh, shit," you hiss, grabbing the dismembered limb. "I'll help you with this."

"Unnnnhh." Thanks.

_____________________________________________________________

"Hey," you whisper, pushing open Inupi's bedroom door. "You alright?"

"Mmm." Yeah.

After a long day at the morgue and two new bodies showing up to be cremated, you offered him the brains as an offering, and he took them gladly, shuffling off to some corner to eat them happily. You drove him home as he recovered from his food coma, chastising him about walking along the highway for so long in the hot sun, but he could barely hear you past the sound of his mind cranking to the thought of maybe getting more brains soon.

"I brought you some clothes." Inui flashes you a smile in the dark, his teeth still shiny and bright like they were when you met him. "I love you."

"Luhhh." Love you, too.

[your-nerd-is-showing]

AOT Hanji x Fem Reader: Experimenting with Dildos erm Weapons!

You’re Hanji's best friend and experiment partner who is completely in love with Hanji but you’re terrified that she doesn’t feel the same way. One day you end up making some rather questionable looking items…. You get the brilliant idea to make a joke about these phallic looking weapons and Hanji takes it to the next level.

Content: Smut

TW: Just my gayness coming out to say hello, use of toys, oral sex (giving and receiving), slight orgasm control/denial, Hanji and her smug ass xD

NSFW AFTER PHOTO

It was early morning and you were sitting in the office you shared with Hanji working on a new compact weaponry for the Scouts. You inspected your work of these shells you were creating for the boom sticks. “This is all wrong!” You yelled in frustration as you threw the shell on your desk. “Ugh!” You ran your hands through your long (H/C) hair.

“What’s wrong?” Asked a voice from behind making you jump.

“HANJI DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!” You shouted as you held your chest.

“I’m sorry (Y/N) I didn’t mean to scare you.” She laughed.

“Hey that’s not funny you could’ve given me a heart attack!” You said in a huff.

“Okay, okay I'm really, really sorry…. Now why are you all upset pretty girl?” She asked as she placed her arm around you leaning in close.

You turned red as Hanji leaned in closer, the sweet intoxicating smell of her lavender shampoo invaded your nostrils as stray pieces of her wet hair brushed against your cheek. “I-it’s these stupid weapons I feel like the design is all wrong.” You held up one of the shells and it was a rather questionable looking metal tube.

“Well it is rather interesting looking.” She chuckled.

“You mean it looks like a penis?” You laughed with Hanji.

“Exactly! But I wasn’t going to say that!”

You turned away from Hanji laughing because you had a funny idea. You sneakily grabbed one of the shells and unzipped your pants sticking the shell out of the hole. You turned around. “Hey baby you wanna give him a stroke he really likes you!” You said in a low tone trying to sound like a guy.

Hanji raised an eyebrow and started to laugh. “Mmmmmmm why yes I would love to!” She said winking at you as she stepped closer and grabbed your ‘penis' while wrapping her arm around you. She smiled as she ran her hand along the smooth metal shaft pushing it between your legs.

You looked at her your face becoming redder by the second as she got dangerously close to your crotch. You could feel your skin get warm as your palms became sweaty and your heart was beating faster and faster. “H-Hanji wh-what are you doing?” You squeaked out as she pushed the shaft in more turning you on. “Hanji?” You bit your lip as you stifled a moan trying to escape.

She looked at you seeing the immense pleasure on your face. “Hm?”

“Wh-what are you doing?” You wined out tilting your head back as she moved the metal tube making it graze against your clit, a small moan escaping your lips. You let out a gasp when you felt Hanji's hand replace the metal tube between your legs. “H-Ha-Hanji! W-wh-what a-are y-yo-you d-doingggggg! Ohhhhh!” You moaned louder as she gently massaged outside your panties making your knees shake. You held onto her shoulders as she pressed her palm against your clit giving you some friction as your hips bucked uncontrollably. “Hanji!” You looked at her, she was completely entranced by how you reacted when she touched you. You took her face in your hand making Hanji look at you. “E-earth to Hanji? Y-you in there?”

She looked at you with her beautiful brown eyes. “Sorry yes I am here!” She laughed nervously. “And I think you know what I am doing (Y/N).” Hanji leaned in to kiss you as she unbuttoned your pants and slid her hand in your panties earning a sweet moan from you as she rubbed your clit. She broke the kiss and laid you down onto your desk. “I see the way you look at me (Y/N).”

You looked at Hanji shocked.

“What? You didn’t think I noticed? My darling (Y/N) you’re so cute when you look surprised.” Hanji smirked at you. “Lucky for you pretty girl.” She pulled down your pants and panties. “I like women and I really like you.” She leaned in kissing you once more.

You entangled your hands in Hanji's auburn hair wildly attacking her lips as she continued to rub your clit, making you moan into her mouth. Instantly you invaded her mouth with your tongue exploring every corner. Suddenly you felt cold metal press against your wetness, you broke the kiss. “Um Hanji are you thinking about using that on me?”

“Yes I was, why you don’t want me to?” She asked.

“Well I mean you can but, I have better things to use.” You said shyly.

“Oh? Do you now?” She asked raising an eyebrow.

“Y-yes…..” You squeaked. “L-let’s go to m-my room.” You said nervously as you sat up.

“Love bug why are you so nervous?” She grabbed your waist pulling you into her arms.

“I n-never dreamed that t-this would ha-happen, so I’m a l-little shocked st-st-still.” You took a deep breath in composing yourself. “Okay to my room!” You pulled your pants up and took Hanji's hand leading her to your room. You locked the door and instantly Hanji was stripping your clothes off. “H-Hanji!” You moaned out as she pulled your pants off again and rubbed your clit.

She leaned into your neck gently nipping at it. “Mmmmmm yes love bug?”

You wrapped your arms around Hanji groping her butt, she looked at you.

“Now where are these toys you have?” She asked while playing with your nipple.

“They're over there in my closet in a wooden box.”

“Show me.” She grabbed your hips pushing you towards the closet, you leaned down to get the box and Hanji smacked your ass while she inserted two fingers making you whimper. “F-fuck you’re so tight (Y/N).” Hanji grunted as she thrusted her fingers in and out of you. “I love it….” She smacked your ass again.

“A-ahhhhh Hanjiiiiii!” You moaned out as she pushed you over to the bed and laid you down.

“Now lets see what you have in here my darling.” Hanji said smiling at you, she opened the box and her eyes widened in excitement. “My, my, my you certainty have a lot of spare time to have all of these.” She said smugly.

“I made all of those…..” You said shyly.

“Well I kind of guessed that.” Hanji started to go through the box. “What is this?” She picked up a metal tube with a black knob on the end.

“Turn the knob and find out.” You said smugly, she did so and it started to vibrate.

“Ooooooooh I like this one!” Hanji took the vibrator and held it to your clit making your eyes roll into the back of your head.

“F-fuck H-Hanji.” You groaned.

“Oooooh what’s this?” She asked holding up a rubber dildo with a fat round base and a pair of odd looking underwear with a hole cut out.

“Well you put that through the hole in the underwear strap it on and bam you have a penis!” You laughed.

“What in the world made you make these?”

“I-I was hoping we could use them on each other some day.” You said shyly.

“Wait have you ever used any of these?” She asked as she pulled out another dildo.

“The one you’re holding is the only one I’ve ever used.”

“Ohhhh this is going to be a lot of fun!” She said getting excited. “Now I have a question for you.” You looked up at her. “Are you a virgin?”

“No I am not….. I had a drunk hook up with Levi once….. I didn’t like it too much that’s what made me realize that I liked girls…. To be honest he was kind of scary even naked.” You laughed.

“Wait you hooked up with Levi!?” Hanji asked astounded. “I didn’t think shorty had it in him! I’m impressed.”

“You ready to be more impressed? I took the Captain’s virginity.”

“NO WAY!”

You smirked and nodded. “Indeed I did.... Honestly I think he used me for practice because he was soon dating Aurora after that but I'm not holding it against him…. She can have his crazy ass.” You laughed.

Hanji laughed too. “Yea he is pretty crazy, but enough about shorty. Let’s have some fun pretty girl.” She cooed as she went down on you.

“F-fuck H-Hanji!” You wined out as she nibbled on your clit making your hips buck. You grabbed her soft auburn hair tugging on it as she swirled her tongue around. “Ohhhhhh!” You moaned as Hanji took the vibrator thrusting it in and out of you. You felt the knot tighten in your stomach, your breathing became heavier squirming beneath Hanji as she pushed the vibrator in deeper. “H-Ha-Hanjiiiii I'm go-go-going to cummmmm!” You howled.

“No you’re not allowed to yet.” She said smugly as she pulled the vibrator out of you right before you hit your climax.

You laid there in a daze trying to comprehend what had just happened. “W-what the hell?” You grumbled.

“(Y/N) don’t worry you’ll have the best orgasm of your life. I just don’t want you cumming…. Yet.”

You looked at her with pleading eyes. “But Hanji I can cum more than once.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh can you now? Hmmmm well that does change things.” Hanji grabbed your dildo and slowly inserted it making you go crazy as she swirled her tongue around your clit.

You grinded against her face as she went deeper and deeper, instantly making you cum and gush into her mouth. “Ohhhhhh f-fu-fuckkkkkk Hanjiiiiii!” You screamed out in pleasure as you rode out your first orgasm.

Hanji came up and kissed you deeply as she ran her hands all over your soft supple skin pulling you in closer. “I love how sensitive you are love bug, I barely did anything to you and you’re already a puddle.” She said smugly.

You looked up at her giving her a shy smile as your hands traveled down unbuttoning her pants. Slowly you slid your hand into Hanji's panties gently massaging her clit making her tremble at your touch. “Oh? Do you like that Hanji?” You smirked as you watched Hanji's face.

“Y-yesss!” She wined out as you pushed a couple fingers inside her. “F-fuck (Y/N).” Hanji slowly moved her hips as she rode your fingers.

“Why don’t you lay down and let me have some fun Hanji?” You removed your fingers from between her legs.

She looked at you through half-lidded eyes and nodded.

You gently pushed Hanji onto the bed and unbuttoned her shirt. You unhooked her bra, gently playing with one nipple while your mouth sucked on the other one, Hanji squirmed beneath you. You ran steamy kisses down her torso, making her shiver. You looked up at Hanji smiling as you pulled down her pants. “Why hello there.” You cooed as you took off her panties and started rubbing her clit.

“Ohhhhhh (Y-Y/N-N)!” Hanji moaned out as you slipped a couple fingers inside her. “F-fuck.”

“Hanji you’re so wet.” You cooed as you continued to finger her. “Hanji can I use the strap-on, on you?”

She looked at you all excited. “Ohhhh yes you can!”

You got up to put the strap-on together putting the dildo through the hole and strapping it so it doesn’t fall out. You repositioned yourself between Hanji's legs, slowly inserting the dildo making Hanji moan out loudly.

“F-fuck (Y/N)!” She screamed out in pleasure as you went deeper. You adjusted her legs to get better leverage going even deeper pounding into Hanji harder and harder. “Oh fuck baby girl just like that!”

“Yea? You like that?” You cooed as you spread her lips and massaged her clit.

“Oh fuck yes (Y/N)! I'm-I'm gonna cuuuummmmm!” She moaned out.

“Aweee so soon?” You pouted.

“I’m sorry its been a while since I’ve been with anyone….”

“Well why don’t we change that?”

~End

[ace-thinks]

(tw sexual assault) hi I could use some advice. or maybe really just need to vent. both i guess. ever since I told my roommate I’m asexual she’s been asking me a ton of questions about my sexuality and how I experience sexual attraction and at first I thought it was cool that she was interested but it is way to much now. I mean I know for me it’s really a lack of a sex life, but it’s still my “sex life” and that’s private/personal! and part of my asexuality is that I hate talking/thinking about sex. Today she asked me if I’ve ever seen a penis before which is honestly so wildly inappropriate?? Like if I had never revealed that I’m ace, I don’t think she ever would have asked me that. Not to mention the answer to that question is ‘yes when I was sexually assaulted’ and I certainly don’t feel comfortable talking about that. I just feel so gross having all these questions directed at me. I’m proud of being ace, but it’s also nobody’s business. I regret telling her and idk how to take it back or set boundaries or tell her it’s inappropriate. do you have any advice on how to navigate this? thanks so much 💜🖤🤍

That sounds really hard, I’m sorry you’re going through that right now. 

It’s hard for me to offer really solid advice since I don’t know what kind of dynamic you have with your roommate, but I can try.

Passive Advice

As someone who generally dislikes/avoids conflict with friends, here are some methods I’ve used in the past to get a point across passively.

Talk about how invasive/annoying someone else is being. Something like, “Ugh ever since I told so-and-so I’m ace they keep asking me questions about it. It was cool at first but I actually really hate talking about sex and now I just wish they’d stop.”

As you tell your friend about it, make the details as similar as possible to the actual situation without being suspicious. Use that venting session as a way to say how you really feel. The goal is for your friend to get the hint or maybe even say something like “Oh, wait does it bother you when I do it too?” 

Talk about how awkward/uncomfortable someone else’s conversation was. Something like, “I just saw this video/tiktok/post etc. where they were talking all about sex and idk how they do it. I actually really hate when people ask me about sex. It makes me so uncomfortable, etc,”

Very similar to the first tactic. The hope is that your friend gets the hint.

Make a half-joke the next time she does it. The next time your friend hits you with an invasive question, half-jokingly say something like, “Okay, this is the last question. After this, we’re never talking about it again.” 

Try to find a balance between being lighthearted enough that it’s not aggressive, but serious enough that your friend realizes you’re done talking about it. This could also make an opportunity for your friend to be like “Oh, was I asking too many questions?” And then if you want, you can sincerely explain how you’ve been feeling, etc.

Direct Advice

Tell her the truth. It could be hard, but the next time she asks you a question about it you can say something like, “I actually don’t really want to talk about that anymore.” Explain your feelings and if you want, you can direct her to online resources where she can still get her questions answered. 

The tone of your voice will determine how confrontational this approach feels.

If you want to take the direct approach, it could be helpful to run through it in your head a few times before hand. Think about how you want to express yourself, etc. 

That way when the moment comes, you’ll at least have an idea of how you want it to go.

__________

That’s all I got for now. Hopefully some of this is useful or inspires you to come up with even better ideas.

Good luck!

[avengerscompound]

Is it weird that I’m just really creeped out by Sharon and Steve being together. Like it have never made sense to me, and her being Peggy’s niece just makes the whole thing really weird to me. And in the movies it feels so forced. Am I alone in this? Does any of this actually make sense? I don’t even know.

Okay, so the thing is, the reason you feel that way is actually really good.  When we think about Steve and Peggy, we think about his great lost love story.  The woman he fell for and wanted a life with and then lost.  In our heads they’re in the same place as Tony and Pepper who are getting married and naming children they may have in the future.

It’s normal to think, well if Sharon is Peggy’s niece she is also Steve’s niece.  And if we think about uncles and nieces we think about adult men being part of a community raising little girls.  Certainly, if my husband left me and married my niece that would be really horribly gross because we had her living with us when she was an infant.  He changed her diapers.  It would be incestual even though they aren’t related and that girl is now 20 years old.

Uncles and Nieces have three things that are usually big nos.  Massive age difference, their power dynamics are off and they’re related.

The thing is, Steve and Sharon aren’t uncle and niece.  They aren’t any of the things listed above.  Steve knew Peggy for around 4 years from memory.  In that time they went from being interested to possibly doing a version of dating they could do.  But they didn’t even actually date.  He died before they could even dance together.  Did they fall in love?  Yes.  Would they have had all the things Pepper and Tony are getting?   Most likely.  But after Steve went in the ice she moved on.  She dated.  She had a career.  Got married.  Had kids.  Sharon saw her Aunt Peggy with her actual uncle and her actual cousins.  Steve Rogers for a long time to Sharon was the celebrity crush she had thanks to Peggy showing her videos and pictures of a man she used to know.  Which was what she only ever said to her.

Steve didn’t raise Sharon.  He didn’t even know she existed.  When he knew Peggy, Sharon didn’t exist.  He didn’t even know that was Peggy’s niece until after Peggy had died and he already had gotten that little crush that had him ask her out in the first place.

They aren’t a massive age difference.  I mean, yeah technically.  But Steve had only lived roughly the same amount of years as Sharon had when he met her.  They worked in the same job.  And when there was a balance of power issue, despite having a huge fucking crush on Steve Rogers, Sharon turned him down because she was lying to him.  They didn’t start anything until they were on equal footing.

So it’s actually not at all creepy.  It would be the same as kinda dating a girl in high school and kissing one time.  Only to then end up marrying their cousin you met 5 years later not realizing they were related.

Being forced into the MCU, fuck yes you are correct.  It was actually planned for them to be more slow burn like Pepper and Tony.  However, they ended up scrapping Sharon’s original role that would have allowed that in TWS and replacing her with Nat. And then that kiss scene didn’t originally exist in CW.  They added it in later because the first viewing came out seeming very gay and Disney was unhappy.  They did reshoots after that were absolutely the under the bridge one.  And if you look at how Chris and Emily talk about the relationship in the press it went from ‘oh it’s going to be so slow, they want to do this right’ to ‘ugh right’.

But then... Clint got a whole wife and kids out of the blue so I’m not sure the MCU is that great with Het Romantic relationship building, to be honest.  They expect us to go penis + vagina = love when we say so.  So I am kinda over people pointing at Steve and Sharon and going boo... when there’s a tonne of examples that’s true for.

Also, it’s kinda shitty how much Sharon specifically gets hate for the kiss when it was Steve that initiated it.

[x-soapbox-x]

TW for transphobia, gender essentialism etc but I took a screen shot of this post instead of reblogging it bc I don't want to interact with this person...but this post popped up in a lot of people's "based on your likes!"

Of course, I was like "wtf??" bc as my mutuals know like. We respect trans identities here, sir?? And as far as I know I've never liked or reblogged anything nasty. And while I've heard a lot about the kind of rhetoric terfs use and the way they link biological sex and behavior as being tied to one another, I've never actually gone into terf spaces and read what they write. I've heard and seen sound bites, but this in all honesty shocked and disgusted me. I was thankful to see in the notes people being equally appalled. But it also got me thinking about gender essentialism. You hardly can avoid it with phrases like "male criminality" and "male sexual aggression". Like even without being a terf, this kind of standpoint about men being inherently "worse" then women is common within progressive circles and it's an insidious thing that worms it's way into your worldview. Men are gross and violent and stupid. Ew, men.

Like, this kind of viewpoint effected me personally. Im a gender nonconforming bisexual woman and im dating a cis man. And I'll admit that I struggled with seeing him as a fully complete person underneath his assigned gender when we first got together. But the thing is, is that all men and all women are human first. And I feel like you can't really grasp that unless you let go of the idea that gender is essential and dictates ANY traits absolutely. Humans are sometimes criminals, when they are desperate. All humans like to feel loved and praised, enjoy certain sensations, feel heartbroken and jealous and wrathful, sorrow and joy. We all shit. To put any of these things or the behaviors caused by them as being like. A property?? Of any one gender is just. It's just incorrect?? And restrains your world view and most importantly your empathy and ability to understand another person. (This is why I think gender exploration is important on any kind of journey of self discovery, even one where you find out you're cis).

I think it's more useful and realistic to view gender as more of a social class. Like, "men" as a social class *are* more violent then the other social groups because of the conditioning that is given to the people within that social class and the expectations of that social class that pressure the people within it to conform to the expected violent and gross/dumb behavior. But just like every woman is not elegance embodied, individual men are not inherently more likely to be good or bad or smart or kind then anyone else is inherently more likely to be.

And I just think this is important to keep in mind because while it is often very funny, and it is technically punching up, it is also dehumanizing. Like do men need to unlearn the systems of behavior that have been impressed upon them since birth bc those behaviors are harmful and oppressive? Yes! But so does everyone. We are all conditioned to be racist, sexist, phobic scared people that see our neighbors as the other and less human then we are. Men are half of the population.

By linking gender and biological sex and expected behavior so strongly, it makes a world view where trans people exist impossible. It makes a world where trans woman are benign and normal even more impossible because it is impossible for anyone with a penis to be innocent. Except that's stupid because having a penis doesn't mean anything about you as a person, not your personality or your desires, not even your gender!!! And like I KNOW that everyone here knows this, I know I'm just explaining something that's obvious unless you've been brainwashed or never thought about it but. I just!!! I feel like. Ugh I don't know I guess this whole thing doesn't really even have a point other then me breaking down why gender essentialism is fucking stupid if you want any kind of real change or to be able to exist in the world with the real population of all kinds of people who can be your friends!! And your community!! If you just get over the fact that a person's genitals doesn't dictate who they are, girl dick or boy dick it doesn't determine shit!!!!!

[rainbowglittr]

Love and Marriage - Chapter 5 (Mature - Minors DNI)

Description:

After a loss in the family uncovers a family secret, Jaleia and her husband Jesse are forced to balance one family crisis after another along with their budding careers and their plans to expand their family. Will the pressure to keep everyone else together ruin their own relationship? Can ruined relationships be fixed before it’s too late?

TW: Smut (Implied)

Chapter 5:

The past two weeks since Jesse's dad's passing had been crazy. Turns out the guy who killed Jesse's father was some young dumb rich 23 year old white kid. He was bailed out almost immediately, and didn't appear to have any remorse for what he did. Which pissed Jesse off a lot. The same idiot got arrested for a DUI and driving without a license shortly after being bailed out. And still claimed that he wasn't high the night of the accident. The trial was a few months away.

Aiesha decided that she was going to sell their home and downsize since it would only be her and Diana. So once her and Jesse and his siblings figured out what to do with all of her husband's stuff, she started to prepare for selling it. Diana, maybe because she was the youngest, was having the hardest time dealing with the loss. She was currently staying with me and Jesse because she couldn't sleep at home, and everything reminded her of her dad. At any mention of her father she would shut down and refuse to talk. Jesse was doing much better and spent of lot of time helping his mom with the move and all the stuff she had to do. His siblings stayed for as long as they could, but they had jobs to get back to.

I, on the other hand stayed far away from Aiesha, her hatred of me did not dissipate during this time, and quite frankly might've intensified. I don't know why but the first time I tried to help out with Jesse, she screamed at me about a box of her husband's things I moved-after she told me to move it. After that I tried to cook her dinner, she took one bites and threw the rest in the garbage in my face. So to avoid obvious conflicts or my temper, me and Jesse decided that I would not go back to the house until his mother was in a better place. I honestly didn't mind, and not being there meant I could spend time with Diana.

Jesse on the other hand was getting better. He had his good days, and he had his rough days, where he was moody and cranky. But overall he was doing well. He usually worked at the studio in New York, writing and producing songs. But because he didn't have to physically be there, for the last two weeks he worked at home, if he worked at all. Best part about his job is that he didn't have to work everyday to collect his royalties. The studio pays him to create songs for their artists or they sell them to other labels, but either way he gets paid upfront and royalties. And he gets to work with celebrities every now and then.

It was 6:30am and my alarm had just went off after I hit snooze. I was about to hit it again when Jesse said "If you hit that snooze button again, you're going to be late."

"So?"

"Jaleia."

"Jesse."

"Fine be late."

I sighed, and cut the alarm off.

"Hey Jess, we never talked about it but, are we still trying for a baby? I know that it's been crazy and everything and I understand if you don't want to."

"Jaleia, nothing is going to stop me from getting you pregnant."

"Are you sure it's not too much for you? What if things don't work out? Can you handle that?"

"Jay, I want this. I really do. Stop worrying. You gotta get to work."

I turned and faced Jesse. "Can I at least get a kiss?"

"Morning breath."

"So?"

"If you don't care, I don't care." He moved closer and kissed me. I pulled him closer and kissed him again our lips moving slowly against each other.

"JAY ARE YOU IN THE BATHROOM YET?" Diana yelled, banging on our bedroom door, the noise was so sudden it scared the hell out of us and we both jumped and our heads smacked together.

"Fuck!" Jesse said, jumping out of bed, holding his lip. "You bit me!"

I grabbed my forehead where Jesse's head hit mine. "Sorry, she scared me. I didn't even know. Is it bleeding? I'm sorry. Let me see."

I walked over to him. I took his hand off his face. It was bleeding a little and already starting to swell.

"How da hell do ya bite someone while kisshing?" He said.

"I don't know I jumped, I didn't bite you on purpose. Wash it and let me see." I leaned to kiss him again and he moved back.

"What? You want a bite of my cheek too?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just rinse your lip!"

He walked past me and flashed me a grin and I walked to the door of our room. I looked out and heard the shower going. We only had one shower in the house. We didn't have a master bathroom, so we only had one shower. We had two bathrooms yet only one shower. It was one of our only complaints about the house. I turned around and laughed, Jesse's lip was even more swollen since I saw it thiry seconds ago.

"Don't lawf, ya did dis."

"I'm sorry, let me see. It's not bleeding anymore, and its not deep. Just ice it and it should go down." I said, checking the hallway again.

"Danks." His lisp was kept making me laugh.

"Staab, lawfing at me, I gotta dake Diana da gool."

"I'm sorry, it's too funny. But, I'll make it to you later. I promise." I winked at him before I walked out the room.

>>>>>>>>>>

"Jess, what happened to your lip?" Diana asked at breakfast. Me and Jesse looked at each other as he put down the bag of frozen peas he was holding to his lip. I looked at the eggs on my plate while Jesse stared me down.

"Um it's your faul actually. Who scheams at six thity in da mornin?"

"I didn't know if you were up yet!"

"Doe yell?"

"Sorry!" Diana said shrugging. I laughed at them.

"Come on it's time for school, I'll see you later. Love you both." I said. I went to kiss Jesse and he backed up and said "no teef dis dime?"

"Keep fucking playing with me Jess." I said, sticking up my middle finger before we kissed.

"Ooooooohhhhhh." Diana and Jesse said.

"Sorry, I forgot! But I'm you hear worse in school!" I put the dishes in the sink. Jesse grabbed his keys, "she probably uses worse language at school. "

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Did you lock the door?" I asked Jesse while he carried me to the bed.

"Yeah." He said while kissing my neck. My legs were wrapped around his waist and my arms were around his neck.

"Are you sure you want to-" I started. Jesse dropped me on the bed and climbed on top of me.

"Trust me I'm sure." He said looking into my eyes. Next thing I know our clothes are off, I'm on top of Jesse, I'm about one minute away from an orgasm when...

"Jesse have you OH MY GOD! AHHHHH! Oh my God!" Diana yelled.

The next two minutes were wild. Jesse practically threw me off of him, I lost my balance and fell off the bed. Jesse somehow hurt his...penis and was screaming 'Fuck'. And Diana was trying to blindly get herself out the room.

"Keep your eyes closed Di!" I yelled as I wrapped a blanket around me.

"I'm never opening my eyes AGAIN!" She yelled.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I yelled at Jesse.

"Could you just give me a minute." He squeezed out, his face squeezed tight in pain.

"No, you threw me on the floor! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry, freaked out!"

"I'm going to kill you!" I ran to our closet and grabbed my robe.

"I thought you locked the door!"

"I thought I did too!"

"Well you didn't." Diana yelled.

"Don't you knock? What is the first thing I told you about coming into my room?" Jesse yelled.

"So now it's my room?" I said.

Jesse rolled his eyes, grabbing his boxers from the floor. "Our room. I told you knock first or be scarred for life."

"I thought that was a joke!"

"Did that scar you?" Jesse asked.

"Yes!" Diana said.

"Guess it wasn't a joke then. You have to knock!"

"Di, you can open your eyes now." I said. I was now sitting on the bed. She opened them but turned so wasn't facing us.

"I'm telling mom!"

"Don't tell mom!"

"Dont tell your mom!" Me and Jesse shouted at the same time.

"Why?"

"She'll flip a shit! At me, at Jaleia, and you know she already hates her. You can't say shit."

"Wow, thanks Jess." I said.

"Fine. Ewww." She shivered.

"We need to talk about boundaries, so I will see you in five minutes, so deuces!" Jesse said.

"Ugh!" Diana said again and again as she walked out the door, closing it behind her. Jesse turned to face me. "So Jay."

"Don't come over here. This side of the room is for people who lock the door, and don't throw their wife off their dick and on the floor!"

"You can't still be mad, it was an accident!"

"Try me."

"Jay!" I threw a pillow at him. Which he dodged because my aim is trash.

"I'm sorry!"

"I am never riding you again! Ever!"

"Oh come on, man! It was an accident!" He said, moving closer to the bed. I reached down and picked up one of his sneakers.

"Try me."

"Okay, Okay, chill, I'm going to talk to Di. But me and you gon talk about this riding thing Jay."

"Whatever!" I said as he walked out the room. Once he left I locked the door, cut off the lights and laid down. Ten minutes later I heard Jesse rattling the door handle.

"Jay!" He said.

"Jess!"

"Open the door."

"Oh, is it LOCKED?" I said sounding fake surprised.

"JALEIA! Stop playin!"

"That's how you lock a door, Jess! I'm going to bed now. "

"Jaleia, I'm not sleeping on the couch again!"

"Then I don't know where you're going to sleep, goodnight. I love you."

"Love you too."

[drippingsadism]

be more chill the musical rp meme part 1

Feel free to change the lyrics / pronouns to fit your muse ! Trigger warnings: suicidal thoughts tw.

"I could stay right here or disappear, and nobody’d even notice at all.”

“I’m a creeper in a bathroom ‘cause my buddy kinda left me alone.”

“Everything felt fine when I was half of a pair.”

“I am hanging in the bathroom at the biggest party of the fall.”

“No, you can’t come in!”

“I’m waiting it out till it’s time to leave.”

“I’m just [Name], who you don’t know.”

“I’m hiding, but he’s out there, just ignoring all of our history.”

“I have regret the beers.”

“I’ll wait as long as I need ‘till my face is dry. Or I’ll just blame it on the weed. Or something in my eye.”

“I’ll get replaced by a newer, cooler version of me.”

“They’re gonna start to shout soon.”

“It sucks that he left me here alone.”

“My big mistake was showing up.”

“Is there a sadder sight?”

“I wish I’d stay at home at bed, watching cable porn.”

“I wish I’d off myself instead, wish I was never born!”

“God, I’m such a loser!”

[Sarcasm] “Awesome party, I’m so glad I came.”

“I’m waiting for my porno to load.”

“Freaking out is my ‘okay’.”

“When I get nervous, my whole face goes red.”

“If I walk, when I arrive, I’m gonna straight up reek.”

“If I’m not feeling super weird or strange, my life would be an utter disarray.”

“God, I wish I had the skill. To just be fine, or cool, or chill.”

“I'll never be a Rob DeNiro, For me, Joe Pesci is fine.”

“I don’t wanna be special. I just wanna survive!”

“Dude, weigh the options calmly and be still.“

“So, Rowlan said Madeline told Jake: I'll only have sex with you if you beat me at pool and then she lost at pool deliberately!”

“It's a sign up for the after school play... it's a sign up sheet for getting called "gay".”

“No time to wallow, no instead, just clear your brain and move ahead.”

“You're one of those guys who'll be a virgin 'till he dies!”

“You're listening to Bob Marley again, aren't you?”

“How was class? You look like ass, what's wrong?”

“Hey, I saw on discovery that humanity has stopped evolving!“

“Look who's signing up for the play!”

“I'm never gonna be the cool guy, I'm more the one who's left out.”

“I get depressed, but not depressed as in like kill yourself depressed. No, I’m not into self-harm. Dude, I swear, here check my arm!”

“I am passionate a lot.”

“I have mad, gigantic feelings, red and frantic feelings, about most everything. Like gun control, like spring. Like if I’m living up to all I'm meant to be.”

“Life is easy in rehearsal, You follow a script so you know what comes next.”

“The only time I get to be the centre of attention is when I'm Juliet or Blanche DuBois and can I mention that was really one of my best roles. Did you see that?”

“Most humans do one thing for all of their lives, the thought of that gives me hives!”

“And why am I telling this to you? Guess there's a part of me that wants to.”

“My little penis was depressed.”

“That's the point. This is some top-secret-can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit.”

“So... It's like drugs?”

“Picture this: nobody cares if you are late 'cause even teachers think you're great.”

“Find the bad guy, push 'em aside. Then move on forward with your friend at your side.”

“If you leave your brother behind, it's lame.”

“Dude you are cooler than a vintage cassette. It's just that no one else but me thinks that yet.”

“Nobody here appreciates, but soon we'll be together where they do.”

“Guys like us are cool in college.”

“You're just a nothing in this high school scheme, but it's no big cause you and I are a team.”

“But we're not in college.”

“High school is whack, but we have each others' back.”

“You know that you are my favourite person, that doesn't mean that I can't still dream.”

“Is it really true that I’m your favourite person?”

“Take your hands out of your pockets, arch your back, puff out your chest.”

“All your nerdiness is ugly.”

“Your charm is non-existent.”

“Everything about you is so terrible. Everything about you makes me wanna die.”

“So don't freak out and don't resist.”

“What?! What's wrong with my shirt—”

“How are you with math homework?”

“Don't smile. Stare intensely. Speak like you don't care about your own death.”

“I saw it in the window and I couldn't dismiss, I was dating a girl and she had a shirt just like this.”

“Ugh! She is NOT French! She just pretends to be for attention!”

“Hey, Hamlet. Be more chill.”

[lindseyluvsdrag]

Knocked Up Ch. 9

TW: Smut, Transphobia, Violence, Angst and Tomfoolery 

I was much too lazy to edit so blame my low rent beta @xximagoddamnmermaidxx for any typos :)

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 , 7, 8

Violet secured her arms around Matt and giggled against his neck as the man carried her out of the hospital.

 When she saw them, Farrah’s expression instantly morphed into a scowl.  She hopped out of the car. “What in the name of Twilight Sparkle is going on here?!”

 “Nothing,” Matt said as he eased the pregnant woman to her feet.

 The petite blonde folded her arms and stomped her foot. “It doesn't look like nothing.”

 Violet knew that she had to work smart and not hard when it came to disposing her competitor. She gave a smug side smirk before turning to Matt. “Aww, now I see why you're dating her. You're getting all the practice you can by babysitting toddlers before your son is born.”

 Matt chuckled and Farrah gasped dramatically​. “That's not funnyyyyy! I'm not a toddlerrrrrr!”

 “Of course not, baby,” Matt assured. “The way you move is alllllll adult.”

 Farrah grinned.

 Two can play this game, Violet thought prior to turning on her heel and sauntering away.

 “Hey,” Matt said as he followed her. “What's up?”

 “Nothing. I'm going to walk to my hotel and order room service.”

 The man scoffed. “You'll do no such thing.”

 “Why not? I'm obviously the third wheel here and I don't want to intrude anymore. I'm cranky, I'm hungry and frankly, I'm tired of being blinded by your girlfriend's​ cheeks. She looks like she fell into a vat of glitter during arts and crafts time.”

 “Aww, I think she looks cute,” Matt defended. “Like a little sugar plum fairy or something.”

 Violet rolled her eyes. “I'm going to my hotel now, Matthew.” She began to walk away and was happy that her act was going as planned when he grabbed her hand to stop her.

 “Violet, no. You're not about to walk the LA streets in the middle of the night alone.”

 “So, walk with me,” she said with a shrug. “Remember that you said you would.”

 “I remember. But Farrah-”

 Violet snatched her hand away. “I don't give a fuck about Farrah! Your child and I are hungry, now!” She began to storm down the street leaving Matt torn in which direction to go.

 “Babyyyyyyy,” Farrah whined. “Am I just like Matilda or somethinggggg?”

 “What does that even mean?” Matt groaned in exasperation.

 Farrah burst into tears and it made the man's heart sink but when he saw Violet making her way towards a shady neighborhood​, it made his heart race. Matt quickly pulled his wallet from his pocket, retrieved a $20 bill and rushed it over to his girlfriend.

 “What's this forrrrrr?”

 “An Uber. Just go home for now.”

 “Are you kidding me?!” she sobbed.

 “Babe, come on. Just until I can appease Violet.”

 The woman buried her face into her palms and continued​ to weep.

 Matt pulled her into his arms. “Farrah, please don't cry.”

 “You're really hurting my feelingsssss. You're casting me off like I'm the side chick or something.”

“I'm sorry, but you knew how important Violet was to me before we even started dating. She's pregnant with my kid so ​I just have to make sure that she's safe and happy. Besides, it's only for tonight and after that, it'll just be us again, okay?” Farrah was still crying into her hands when Matt kissed her head. “Babe, I'll buy you more shiny powder if you stop crying.”

 The woman sniffled and looked up at him. “Highlighter?”

 “Yeahhh, that stuff that makes​ you all sparkly. I like it and I'll buy you as much as you want as long as you stop crying.”

 Farrah smiled and wiped her eyes. “I want the Unicorn Skin Rainbow palette from Anastasia Beverly Hills.”

 “Ooo, sounds pretty. I can't wait to see what it looks like on you.” Matt gave the woman a $100 bill and kissed her. “I'll see you later, okay?”

 She pouted. “Okay.”

 “Be safe.” The man kissed her again and sprinted after the pregnant woman. When he rounded the corner, he was relieved to see Violet perched on a low cement fence with a paper toilet seat cover protecting her dress from snags and dirt. She bit into her granola bar and sighed.

 Matt smiled. “You look like a perched bird.”

 Violet flipped the man off. He chuckled and sat next to her.

 “Where's Princess Bubblegum?” she asked.

 “I told her to go home.”

 The grin that spread across Violet's face was comparable to the Grinch. “Good.”

 “She's really not that bad.”

 “Oh, she's defintely adorable. I love children.”

 “She'd make a great stepmom,” he taunted.

 Violet scowled, pushed herself of the fence and began to storm off, leaving Matt to cackle at the toilet paper cozy that was still stuck to her butt.

 She turned around. “What's so funny?!”

 He stood and grabbed the paper. When his hand groped Violet's ass, chills shot down her spine.

 “What bathroom did you steal this out of?” Matt asked as he laughed before noticing the woman's expression. “You okay?”

 “Mhm,” she hummed.

 “Alright then. Let's eat.”

 “Really?” she exhaled. “I mean, in public? I'm  usually not into that but I'm ready.”

 “Huh?”

 “Wait...eat?”

 “Yeah...food. I thought you were hungry.”

 “Ohhh... I am. Are we going back to your place?”

 “If that's what you want.”

 She bit down on her bottom lip and nodded.

 “Okay. I'm sure my- fuck! I forgot to turn off my lasagna!”

---

Violet couldn't believe how turned on she was as she watched Matt frantically weave through traffic. The man burnt rubber when be whipped into his driveway, helping the frisky woman out of the car before rushing into the house to find the empty lasagna pan on the coffee table.

 Jake was the obvious culprit with glossy red eyes and parmesan crumbs all over his lap. “Sup, bro?” he lazily greeted from the couch.

 “Dude, did you eat that entire lasagna?!”

 “Yeahhhh. It was good.”

 “Ugh, that was supposed to be for everyone!”

 “Well, 'everyone’ wasn't here. Besides, without me, it would've burned to a crisp.”

 Matt groaned and turned to Violet. “Is there anything else you're craving?”

 “Yes,” she practically moaned.

 “What?”

 She glanced at Jake before leaning in to whisper in Matt's ear. “I'll tell you in your bedroom.”

 The man raised an eyebrow. “Um...okay. You actually might lose your appetite in there.” He turned and the woman followed him out of the living room, down the hallway and into a small bedroom that made Violet wrinkle her nose.

 “You don't make your bed before you leave the house?”

 “No? Should I?”

 “Yes. It's​ just therapeutic to come home to.”

 “Noted.”

 Violet cautiously​ stepped further into the room, being careful not to touch the clothing strewn about. “Have you ever considered painting?”

 “No... why?”

 “This color makes me think of snot.”

 “Nice! You know, I actually liked it because it reminded me of the Green Goblin who-” he stopped abruptly when Violet's expression made him feel like he was speaking a foreign language. “Well, I like it.”

 “It's a pistachio nightmare. And what are these bobbles?” she asked as she pointed across the room to the figurines that topped the man's television.

 “Oh, those are action figures. I've had them since I was a kid. Maybe they can be passed down to the baby.”

 Violet wrinkled​ her nose. “They look like a choking hazard.”

 “Well, they-”

 “Oh my God, is that what I think it is?”

 Matt followed her gaze to the My Little Pony nightlight. It was currently turned off, but the emasculating effect was just the same. “Um, yeah... that's a nightlight. It's Farrah's.”

 Violet gave him a look and Matt quickly elaborated.

 “She turns it on when she spends the night because she's scared of the dark.”

 “Are you hearing yourself right now? You're seriously dating a child. No mature, sophisticated woman would ever need a nightlight, let alone a My Little Pony nightlight.”

 “I never said she was mature or sophisticated. Not everyone can be like you, Violet.”

 Violet didn't know if it was a compliment or a read, but the words made the woman's heart skip a beat. “True.” She smiled as she approached the man. “There's no one like me.” She gazed into Matt's clear blue eyes​ before securing his face in her hands as she firmly pressed their lips together.

For second, Matt lost himself, melting into her touch, but he quickly remembered​ Farrah and pulled away.

 “Violet,” he panted. “What are you doing?”

 “What do you think?” she purred, pulling him close again, but the man jumped back.

 “I have a girlfriend. I'm not cheater.”

 Violet folded her arms. “So, let's clear the air on a few things. Do you think it's fair that you get to have a girlfriend while I'm pregnant?” When Matt opened his mouth to answer the question, she raised a finger to silence him. “It's not like I can go out, get a boyfriend and fuck him into oblivion.”

 “Okay? So, what are you saying?”

 “You've trapped me for nine months. No guy is going to want to have sex with a pregnant woman...unless he's the one who got her pregnant in the first place. So I think it's only fair that whenever I get horny, it's your obligation to fix it.”

 If someone would've held a tomato next to the man's face, they probably wouldn't have been able to tell the difference between the shades of red. Matt cleared his throat. “Violet... I can't.”

 “Because of Rainbow Brite? Matthew, you have dolls older than her. Get over it.”

 “First of all, I don't have dolls. They're action figures. And if you would've given her a chance, you would've seen how sweet she is.”

 “I don't give a fuck how sweet she is, she's not the pregnant one! I have needs, Matthew!”

 “Aren’t rubber penises a thing? Why don't you get one of those?”

 “I don't want a rubber penis, I want your penis!”

 Normally, the man would've been flattered but coming from an aggressive pregnant woman, the demand just wasn't the same. “Violet, I can't do that to Farrah.”

 “Give me your phone.”

 “What?”

 “Give me your phone. I'm going to call her.”

 “Why?”

 “Just give me your phone, Matthew!”

 The man was terrified of what the woman was capable of but refused to show it as he huffed, rolled his eyes and handed over the iPhone.

 “Ooo, you've upgraded.”

 “I needed a front facing camera for video chat purposes.”

 Violet made a face before turning her attention to the man's four contacts. “Work, Mom, Jake and Babe...why am I not saved?”

 “Because you're the only person who calls from a New York area code.”

 “But I want to be saved too.”

 “Fine, Violet. Because being saved in a phone is such a being deal,” he said sarcastically​.

 “It is!”

 Matt scoffed and watched as Violet selected Farrah's number. He couldn't believe that he was even allowing this to happen so he gnawed on his bottom lip to combat the anxiety over what the woman was going to say. The phone rang a few times before the blonde answered.

 “Hi, baby!” she chirped.

 “Hello, Farrah? It's Violet.”

 There was an awkward pause. “Ohh...um, yes? Is everything okay? Where is Matty?”

 “He's here and everything is fine. Listen, I'm calling you because as you may or may not know, pregnant women are notoriously​ horny. Since I'm in no condition to go out and find a man to fuck me silly, I wanted to collect your thoughts on Matthew and I having platonic sex.”

 Matt attempted to snatch the phone away, but the woman swatted at him.

 “Is this a joke?” Farrah asked.

 “No, I'm very serious, I'd never lie on my cooch. All I want is one night with him and I promise to make it worth your while. I'll take you on a shopping spree at Toys-R-Us.”

 “Farrah, don't liste-” Matt got out before Violet pinched his lips shut.

 “It's nothing personal, Bubbles. I just want sex.”

 “And I guess that's understandable,” she said in a broken voice. “Matt has really good sex.”

 The confirmation sent tingles through Violet's body.

 “Well, if Matt wants to keep you happy, I don't have a choice, do I?” Farrah sniffled. “But if we're going to do this, I want to negotiate.”

 Violet put the woman on speaker. “I'm listening.”

 “I want two Guerlain Meteorites Voyage compacts. They're really high end highlighters.”

 Matt took a step back. “Wait, what's going on?”

 “She's renting you out,” Violet casually informed.

 The man was shocked. “No! I'm not doing this! Farrah how could you even accept me being with someone else?!”

 “I don't knowww,” she whimpered. “How am I supposed to know what to say in this situation? You said that you wanted to keep her happyyyy.”

 “Yeah, by feeding her! I'm not going to fuck her so that she can buy you glitter!”

 Farrah burst into tears. “Why are you yelling at meeee? I'm not the bad guy here.”

 “You just put my dick up for auction! How strong is our relationship when all it takes is makeup​ to come between us?!”

 “I don't knowwww,” she sobbed.

 “Clearly! Find a fucking clue and then come talk to me! Hang that shit up,” he demanded as he snatched his phone away from Violet and ended the call.

 “Damn, Matthew. Did you really have to yell at Lisa Frank like that?”

 “She has clearly lost her damn mind.”

 “I'm confused, do I get her the highlighter or nah?” Violet asked.

 “No! I'm not for sell!”

 “Well, obviously​ not anymore since you just cursed her out. Now you just have to do me for free. No strings attached.”

 Matt scoffed. “I don't have to do anything. Especially not that.”

 “But I'm horny, Matthew!”

 “That's not my fault.”

 “It is your fault! This whole thing is your fault, Mr. I don't know how to use a condom!”

 The man had no idea how to respond to the accusation so he simply sighed. “Violet, I can't have sex with you. One, I-”

 The woman palmed her face with both hands and began to bawl.

 “Violet,” he sighed. “Please don't cry. It really puts me in a spot to see women cry.”

 “You don't careee,” she sobbed. “I can't help how my body reacts to this pregnancy and you don't even care. You don't want to help me.”

 Matt rubbed the back of his neck. “I do want to help you but... ugh- okay. What do you want me to do?”

 “I just want to feel good, Matthew,” Violet sniffled. “Is that too much to ask?”

 The man exhaled as he took Violet's face between his hands and gently pressed their lips together​. The woman's knees buckled but she didn't hesitate to stick her tongue in Matt's mouth. He was reluctant to return the bold gesture, but the urgency behind her kiss left him with no choice.

 Matt's hands moved from her face to her hair then to her face again, so Violet put an end to the childish moves when she guided his hands to her ass. The man gave it a firm squeeze causing her to moan into his mouth. She pulled him closer, yearning for more of his touch, but when Matt felt her belly against his stomach, he pulled away.

 “Violet, I can't,” he panted.

 “Shut upppp,” she groaned as she forced him onto the bed.

 When the woman kicked off her heels and straddled him, Matt yelped. “Why are you so strong?!”

 “I've been horny for the past month!”

 “Okay, but don't abuse me!”

 “I don't want to abuse you, I want you to abuse meee.”

 “Please don't​ say such things.”

 “Fine. Just do the deed.”

 Matt gently rolled her onto her back. “I’m not having sex with you.”

 “Matthewwww,” Violet whined before the man positioned himself between her legs.

 “Just accept what I'm willing to give you or nothing at all.”

 “Okay,” she sighed with a pout.

 The man slowly lifted the hem of the woman's dress until her thong was revealed. He couldn't​ believe​ how saturated the black lace was. “Whoa.”

 “What?” Violet asked, slightly self-conscious.

 “Is it Niagra Falls down here or are you just happy to see me?” he teased.

 “I'm definitely happy to see you. Especially between these thighs,” the woman said as she placed her ankles on his shoulders.

 Matt traced the edge of her lace panties. Violet didn't hesitate to lift her hips so that he could remove the thong, which he did slowly, letting the lace brush against her skin. It gave Violet goosebumps.

 The man grinned as he tossed the panties to the side. He wrapped his arms around the woman’s legs and pulled her closer. Matt left a trail of kisses along the woman's inner thighs, that made her shiver in anticipation.

 “Stop teasing meeee.”

 “Hey, you can't rush these things.”

 “Do you even know what you're doing?”

 In retaliation for the question, Matt gave the woman's inner​ thigh a firm bite.

  “Oww,” Violet whimpered so Matt accompanied the nip with gentle kisses; slowly working his lips from her inner thigh to her entrance before he wrapped his mouth around her love button.

 Violet let out a soft gasp and Matt did his best to ignore the fact that he was pleasuring someone other than his girlfriend. He took his time working his tongue over the sensitive spot while his index finger teased her eager entrance. The man was reluctant to enter so he settled on rubbing her vagina lips while he continued to massage her bundle of nerves with his tongue.

 “Oh my God,” the woman panted. She had been teetering on an orgasm all day and when Matt began to alternate from licking and gently sucking her sensitive clit, her​ back arched as she felt her body ignite in pleasure.

 “Fuckkk, Matthew,” Violet moaned loudly as she intertwined​ her fingers through the man's hair. “Matthewwww.”

 Matt smirked at the sound of the Violet moaning his name. And you didn't think I knew what I was doing, he chuckled internally. The woman's delicious sounds of pleasure encouraged him to keep going until she was writhing under his touch.

 “Oh...my...God,” Violet whimpered as she attempted to pull away but Matt clasped down on her hips and refused to let her go as his mouth gently latched onto her clit while his tongue practically traced designs on the sensitive spot. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my Godddd,” rapidly tumbled on of her mouth before she squealed and tapped out.

 Matt finally released her. “How was that?” he asked smugly.

 “Amazing,” Violet exhaled.

 Before Matt could say 'duh’ his bedroom door flung open. He was prepared to curse Jake out for the lack of privacy, but when he saw Farrah, the man froze.

 “Matty!” the woman screeched. “How could youuuuu?!”

 “Farrah, it- I-”

 “You get mad at me for suggesting that you do what you thought you had to do and yet you do it anyways?! How is that fairrrrrr?!”

 “I don't know, babe. I'm really sorry.”

 “Don't call me babe! You have broken the rainbow unicorn code!”

 “No! I didn't mean to break the rainbow unicorn code!”

 Violet didn't have any popcorn, but she was highly entertained by the argument. She sat up and pushed herself off of the bed to retrieve her shoes while continuing to listen to the banter.

 “Rainbow unicorn scouts are loyal, honest and as pure as gold glitterrrrr,” Farrah sobbed. “And you are neither of those things!”

 “Babe, please. Tell me what I need to do to fix this! Do you want​​ makeup? I'll buy you makeup. Oo! Target is having a My Little Pony blowout sale! You can stock up on Twilight Sparkle merch!”

 “Don't you dare bring Twilight Sparkle into this!” Farrah snarled. “You don't deserve to even mention her name!” The woman stomped her rainbow jelly sandals over to her nightlight and snatched it out of wall. “You don't deserve to have her shine illuminate your room! And you don't deserve those cupcakes that I made yesterday!” Farrah​ stormed out of the room towards the kitchen.

 “Nooo, not the cupcakes!” Matt pleaded as he rushed after her.

 Violet cackled. “This is like the worst soap opera I've ever seen. It would be called, 'This Rainbow Ain't Big Enough for the Three of Us.’” She laughed again as she pulled on her heels. The woman thought about grabbing her panties, but she simply tucked them underneath Matt's pillow in hopes that they'd eventually start another argument between the couple. Violet adjusted her appearance in the mirror, smoothing her skirt and pulling her hair into a high bun prior to humming as she sauntered out of the room.

 “And you don't deserve to have matching unicorn onesies with me!” Farrah shouted​.

 Violet covered her mouth to smother her laugh as she tiptoed out of the house.

---

When Violet made it back to New York, her friends were there waiting for her.

 “Matthew is such an idiot. He let's that toddler bitch boss him around​ and it's really pathetic.”

 “Pfff, don't talk shit now,” Naomi chuckled. “The other day, you were literally crying because you missed him so much.”

 Violet rolled her eyes. “I was just horny and emotional.”

 “So what are you going to do when you get horny again?” Raven asked.

 “Like right now?” she groaned. “I have no idea.”

 “Are you stuck on Matthew being the only guy you're with?”

 “It's not that I'm stuck, what guy would want to fuck a pregnant girl?”

 “I may know someone,” Raven said.

 “Okay, let me reiterate,” she chuckled. “What normal guy would want to fuck a pregnant girl?”

 “He's just as normal as Matthew.”

 Violet wrinkled her nose before the three of them burst into laughter. The baby responded with two swift kicks and a jab.

 “Oh my Goddd. This kid is fighting me!” Violet grabbed Naomi's hand, placed it over her stomach and waited for another thump.

 “I don't feel anything.”

 Violet frowned. “You fickle little boy you. Just like Matthew.”

 The baby kicked and Naomi gasped. “That's so amazingggg​.”

 “I have a theory,” Raven said as she scooted closed and placed her hand on Violet's belly. “Matthew is gross.”

 They waited for a few seconds and but there was no movement.

 Violet exhaled in relief. “I was about to be creeped out if this kid reacted every time someone talked shit about Matthew.”

 “That would be crazy. Then I would be able to accurately say that you're impregnated with Satan's spawn.”

 The woman laughed. “I know right. Little boy, your father is not special enough to be that worked up about,” she loudly announced. The kicks and punches went into overdrive causing Violet to groan. “Fine! Fine! He's special!”

 The baby relinquished​ two more kicks before stopping.

 “What a bully,” Naomi chuckled.

 “Sssssh, don't talk shit,” Violet whispered as if she was a battered woman. “He'll hit me.”

 “Okay, we keep referring to the baby as a him, but when are we going to pick out names?” Raven asked.

 “I love the name Alister,” Violet admitted.

 “Oh my God, that sounds so olddd.”

 “Name him after your favorite fabric,” Naomi joked. “Chiffon.”

 Violet laughed. “That sounds like a hood name! Heyyyy, Chiffon. How you doing, boy?”

 Naomi laughed so hard that she snorted.

 “Would you consider naming him after Matthew?”

 Violet wrinkled her nose. “Never.” The baby gave her a firm​ punch. “Do you like that name, little one?” There was a long pause before there was another punch. The woman pouted. “Aww.” With all of the commotion surrounding the feisty fetus, Violet began to miss Matt all over again.

---

Raven and Naomi walked side by side to the parking garage.

 “Do you have any plans for tonight?” Raven asked.

 “Yeah, I'm going to the movies.”

 “With Bob?” she asked in a tone that Naomi was growing to loathe.

 “Yes,” she snapped back. “With Bob. What's your problem with him?”

 “He’s just a creep!”

 “Oh my God, come on Raven!” Naomi replied in exasperation. “You do this with every guy that shows interest in me! You're always pointing out the most ridiculous flaws and now that I've found a guy that owns fucking a pizza shop and you think he's weird. I'm honestly starting to think you're jealous!”

“Am not!” she said defensively. “I just think that you can do better!”

 “He's a successful entrepreneur! How does it get better than that?!”

 “Maybe it's not about money! Maybe love should be enough.”

 “I just met him! I don't expect him to love me.”

 “I'm not talking about him,” Raven exhaled.

 “Rave,” she sighed. “What are you talking about?”

 “I love you, Naomi,” she finally admitted. “Of course I'm jealous of Bob. He gets to wake up next to you and take you out whenever he wants. Of course I'm jealous! And I don't​ think he can make you happy like I'd be able to make you happy!”

 “I didn't know you felt that way. Raven, I'm not a lesbian.”

 “I don't label myself as a lesbian either, but I just know that I'm head over heels in love with you.”

 Naomi frowned and was snarky to combat becoming emotional. “If I wanted to be with women, I would've at least kept my penis.”

 “But if gender can be fluid, why can't sexuality?”

 “But my gender isn't fluid. I'm a woman.”

 “I know​ you are. As you transitioned, you became the most beautiful woman in the world to me. And I just want you to give me a chance.”

 Naomi could feel herself tearing up.

 “All I need is one chance,” Raven pleaded. “And if I can't make you happy then I'll leave it alone. But I know I can​, Naomi, please.”

 The woman bit down on her bottom lip. “I have to go.”

 “Naomi-”

 “Raven, no. I can't talk about this right now,” she sniffled as she made her way to her car but the other woman followed her.

 “Naomi, please don't be mad at me.”

 “Too late! You've been talking shit about all of my relationships for all these years because 'you’re in love with me’. How selfish! If you really loved me, you'd leave me alone.”

 “Naomi, no! I'm sorry! Naomi, please-”

 The woman slammed her car door and sped off, leaving Raven to sob in the parking lot.

---

By the time Naomi made it to Bob, she had composed herself enough to sit through​ Beauty and the Beast. They shared a large popcorn while the man snuck in kisses and sweet remarks until the infamous scene where one of the mobbing villagers out to kill Beast gets sucked into Belle's wardrobe only to be spit out, now dressed in drag. He wasn't disappointed with what he saw and batted his eyelashes at his reflection.

 “Ughhh,” Bob groaned. “Why are the queers infiltrating everything?!”

 Naomi was taken aback. “Excuse me?”

 “This is fucking children's movie. Why do we need a man in a fucking dress on the screen?”

 “Preach, brother,” the man behind him said.

 “Exactlyyyyy.”

 “So, what? You don't like gay people?” Naomi whispered.

 “No, I'm fine with gay people. I just don't think that children's movies should be subject to characters​ with a sexuality to begin with.”

 “Oh... I guess that makes sense.”

 The man stole a kiss from her tense lips before turning his attention back to the screen. “Kill the Beast!”

---

Not wanting to be judged by her friends just yet, Violet waited until the duo left to climb into bed with her cellphone pressed to her ear.

 “Hello?” Matt answered in a drab voice.

 “Hi, Matthew,” she chirped. “Are you okay?”

 “Kinda.”

 “What do you mean kinda? What's the matter?”

 “Farrah dumped me. I'm 'no longer a Rainbow Unicorn Scout and I never will be again’.”

 “Is that necessarily a bad thing?”

 “No not at all.”

 They both laughed.

 “How are you?” he asked.

 “I’m okay.”

 “Just okay?”

 “Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're going to be the baby's favorite. He kicks at the slightest mention of your name.”

 The man gasped. “You're kidding.”

 “I wish I was. He's a little​ jerk.”

 “Aw, don't talk about him like that. He's clearly displaying intelligence.”

 Violet scoffed. “Soooo...what are you doing?”

 “Watching The Dark Knight. You?”

 The woman was reluctant to say it, but she did. “Thinking about you.”

 “Oh, yeah? Cargo pants and all?”

 She cringed. “Okay, nevermind. You just annihilated my boner.”

 Matt cackled. “Sorryyyy.”

 “You should visit me sometime next week,” she slyly suggested.

 “I have to work all next week.”

 “What about the week after that?”

 “Work, work, work.”

 Violet frowned. “But you're missing out on crucial moments in the baby's developmentttt.”

 “Well after kicking, there isn't much that we'll be able to notice. But he'll be able to play peek-a-boo with a flashlight soon enough.”

 “How do you​ know?”

 “I read baby books​.”

 Violet resembled the heart eyes emoji as she pouted. “Awww, Matthew that's adorable.”

 “It's not adorable. It's research. I need to be prepared.”

 “That makes me happyyyy.”

 “Good, I'm glad. And Violet, I really do want to be there but I finally have a good job and I'm able to provide for you guys.”

 “Matthew, I want you here.”

 The man couldn't believe what he was hearing. Just a few weeks ago, the woman hated his guts. “Well, that's really good to hear, Violet. And I'll be out there as soon as I get enough money saved.”

 “Money saved for whattt?”

 “My own place.”

 “You can stay with me, Matthew. You know thatttt.”

 “But you are too pickyyy,” he mimicked in her voice.

 Violet gasped. “Am nottttt.”

 “You are though. If I wanna leave my dirty clothes on the floor overnight I should​ be able to without fear that you'll smother me in my sleep.”

 She laughed. “Oh my God, you're so dramatic!”

 “Not even. That night that I forgot to put the cap on the toothpaste, you gave me the most evil look- you would've thought that you were a mafia princess out to get revenge on a rival family or something, it was scary.”

 Violet cackled. “I'm sorryyyy. I just like things to be a certain way.”

 “I know! But it's cute.”

 “Aww, you think I'm cute?” she asked as she twirled her hair, goofy grin plastered on her face as if she was 15 again.

 Matt scoffed. “No. I said that your OCD was cute, not you.”

 She gasped. “Jerk.”

 “Whoaaa, you didn't even let me finish! Your OCD is cute but you're beautiful.”

 Violet bashfully buried head underneath​ her silk sheets. “Thank you.”

 “Huh? You're muffled.”

 She removed the blankets and sat all the way up. “Thank you, Matthew.”

 “Oh, you're welcome. But you already knew that.”

 “Did I?”

 “Pfff, yes. And you abuse it.”

 “Abuse knowing that I'm beautiful?”

 “Yes! You abuse the power of being beautiful by making people do whatever you want.”

 “What woman doesn't?”

 “Oh, true.”

 “Mhmm,” she said stifling a yawn.

 “Tired?”

 “Only a little.”

 “Then you should get some rest.”

 “But I’m talking to youuuu.”

 “So? I'm not that special. I'll be here tomorrow.”

 “Promise?”

 “Yes.”

 The woman smiled. “Okay.”

 “Goodnight, Violet Chachki.”

 “Goodnight, Matthew Lent.”

 The man hung up and Violet let out a giddy squeal as she collapsed back onto her silk sheets.

---

Naomi nervously​ sipped on her wine while Bob cut into his steak. She'd been seeing​ the man for a little over two months now and hadn't figured out a way to tell him that she was a transwoman. And ever since their movie date, the woman had felt on edge.

 “How is your steak?” she asked.

 “Succulent and divine.”

 She giggled before sighing.

 “What's wrong?”

 “Um.. I have something to tell you.”

 He froze. “Are you pregnant?”

 The woman raised her glass of wine as a reminder. “No.”

 “I don't know now, you're from the South. You guys probably drink until the baby falls into toilet,” he joked.

 Naomi wanted to be amused but her stomach was churning. “Bob, I really have to tell you something.”

 “I'm listening.”

 “I...I...I'm trans.”

 He gave her a blank stare. “What does that mean?”

 “I was...born male.”

 The man's expression didn't change for a few seconds before he laughed. “You're funnyyy.”

 “I'm not joking.”

 He placed his fork and knife on the table and stared her directly into her eyes. “Are you forgetting that I've seen you naked? And not only have I seen your vagina, it feels pretty damn good too.”

 Naomi couldn't believe how ignorant the man was. She frowned. “Haven't you ever heard of estrogen and plastic surgery? Look what it did for Kylie Jenner, or better yet Caitlyn.”

 Bob clenched his jaw. “You're completely serious…”

 She nodddd. “I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I was just too scared.” The silence that followed as the man stared at her instantly became overwhelming. “Please say something.”

 He smirked. “It's okay, Naomi.”

 The woman's​ eyebrows furrowed. “Really?”

 “Yeah,” Bob chirped. “Finish your pasta,” he said as he returned to cutting into his steak.

 Naomi exhaled in relief and took a big bite of her meal, saving her excitement for when she climbed into the passenger seat of the man's car. “Babe, you have no idea how happy I ammm,” she squealed as Bob followed suit. “Thank you for accepting me and I pr-” the woman was cut off by Bob's fist hitting her in the face. He punched her again. Then again, then again; relentlessly pounding his fist into her as she cried and attempted to defend herself which only enraged the man even more.

 “You fucking queer freak! How fucking dare you trick me?!”

 “I'm sorry! I'm sorry!” she sobbed. “Just please, st-st-st-” she wheezed and gasped when the man alternated between choking her and pummeling her face.

 “I fucked you how many times?! How many times?! You should've said something before! I'd never associate myself with tranny freaks like you! I'd never- fuck!” he groaned in agony when Naomi kicked him in the groin.

 She took the opportunity to claw for the door handle, desperately climbing out of the car and away from her attacker. Bloodied and bruised, the injured woman limped away as fast as she could, and when she heard Bob's car roar to life, the hair on the back of her neck stood up. When the bright headlights beamed from behind her, Naomi began to run for her life. The screech of the tires made her heart race and time seemed to stand still as she rushed into a nearby alley, seconds before the grill of Bob's car swerved past.

 Naomi sank to the grimy concrete, sobbing and panting as she grabbed her cell phone to call the first number that she saw.

 “Hello?”

 “Raven,” she bawled. “I need your help.”

 It's all Raven needed to hear before rushing out of her house. She made Naomi stay on the phone until she found the shell of a woman crumpled on the alley floor.

 “Oh my God, what happened?! Who did this to you?!” as she spoke, Raven attempted to cradle the woman but Naomi winced and whimpered. “I'm sorry. Are you able to stand?”

 She nodded. As Raven helped her friend to her feet, someone across the street started their car and Naomi flinched so hard that the other woman had to catch her so that she wouldn't fall. “Naomi, please tell me what's going on,” she sniffled. “Do you know you did this to you?”

 “Bob,” she sobbed. “He's transphobic.”

 “Are you fucking kidding me?! I'll kill him! I-”

 “Raven, no. Please don't involve yourself. It's over now and I won't see him anymore.”

 “Naomi,” she said sternly.

 “Raven,” the woman retorted.

 Raven stomped her foot. “That's not fair!”

 “Life's not fair.” Raven opened her mouth to reply but Naomi stopped her. “Let it go. For me. Please.”

The woman huffed. “Fine. Let's get you home.” Raven safety got the woman into the passenger seat of her car.

 “Raven, can I ask you for one more favor?”

 “Anything.”

 “Don't tell Violet. She's pregnant and doesn't need anymore stress.”

---

“Ka-pow!” Violet exclaimed as she read the Chachki Mutant Ninja Baby comic for the fourth time that night. After Matt had gotten off the phone, instead of going to sleep, the woman dove into everything that reminded her of the man. “I vanquish thee with my disinfectant! Ahhhh! Phhssshh!” She pouted. “Matthew just has to come back to New York ASAP. And I think I know how I'll get him here.”