#so you actually just lie to sympathize with me but you don't give a shit

[anaalnathrakhs]

"i thought you said you'd make an effort" MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS ONLY COMPLAINT #1 OUT OF A VERY LONG LIST JUST BE GRATEFUL I CAN WAIT UNTIL THE GUESTS ARE GONE TO SNAP

[joelswritingmistress]

Last Halloween: Chapter 1

Summary: After a tragedy involving Joel happened on Halloween one year prior, the town now shuns him while ignoring the details of the now closed case. You are seemingly the only one to offer empathy to a man the town is making out to be a monster.

Warning: Angst

Eventual pairing of Joel x reader

You had seen him around town. Joel Miller. You had also heard the stories; the rumors. The incident in question had happened on Halloween, the year before. The results of that incident left the town pointing fingers, calling names and spreading lies that left Joel outcasted in the town he called home.

Your parents had often told you there were three sides to every story - yours, mine and the truth. Seeing Joel Miller regularly sit alone in the corner of the coffee shop where you worked had you longing for the truth. What actually happened on Halloween night last year?

Seven o'clock p.m. It was such an odd time for a coffee; but here was Joel, right on schedule to order his medium black and an egg-an-cheese sandwich as if it was twelve hours earlier.

He never used a debit card. It was always cash. And it was often you who took his order. Lately, you had gone out of your way to be the one who served him. Despite only exchanging words regarding what food he wanted, you sympathized with this man who the town just loved to demonize.

"Medium coffee, black," Joel grumbled as he reached into the back of his jeans for his wallet, "And a-"

"Egg and cheese sandwich on an English muffin," you finished.

Joel's eyes lifted to meet yours, a bit surprised and he gave a nod as your little smile faded.

"Would you like a pumpkin muffin, on the house?" You asked him. "I'm going to have to throw them away anyway probably."

Joel shook his head and gave a quiet, "Thanks."

You nodded back and whisked around the otherwise empty coffee shop to get his coffee while starting the sandwich.

Joel's eyes scanned the walls where autumn decor was strung about. There were fake spiderwebs, pumpkins and skeletons. The tip jar had even been changed to a little jack-o-lantern cup.

"Here you go." You handed Joel his food and he held out a ten dollar bill. You waved his hand away. "It's on the house."

"No." He insisted. "Take it."

"You're the fiftieth customer of the day," you lied. "Fiftieth eats free."

Joel gave you a look as if to say, bull shit, but he reluctantly stuck the cash back into his jeans pocket. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why'd you give this to me for free?"

You knew he didn't buy your off-the-cuff lie and so you shrugged. "I don't know. You come in here every day. Rewarding a loyal customer, I guess."

Joel looked at your for a few extra seconds. "Well, thanks. You didn't have to do that."

"I know."

He removed the ten dollars again and stuck it into the pumpkin tip jar.

"No, no, no. That's not-"

"I know," Joel interrupted. "Just.. take it." He turned around and went to make his way into the corner of the cozy establishment, the way he always did.

"Joel?" You called out. You had never once addressed him by his name and as it left you mouth you wondered if that was appropriate or not.

He stopped and turned partway to look at you.

You hesitated, chewing your bottom lip for a moment before speaking. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way people treat you here."

"It's fine." He turned away again and kept walking toward his usual table.

"No, it's not." You rounded the counter and trailed him to the little table. There was no doubt Joel was a bit startled from your active pursuit of him; but you finally couldn't help it. Watching him day in and day out was beginning to weigh on you. Everyone needed a friend. Joel Miller included.

"Why, uh. Why are you saying all this?" He asked, showing off the height of the wall he had put up.

"Because.." you looked at him. "You don't deserve to feel like this."

"You don't know how I feel."

"You're right," you agreed. "I guess I don't. But I see the weight you carry on your shoulders when you walk in here, and I know why. I know it's because of.. everybody here."

Joel continued to stare at you, more intently and almost hard. He then slowly sat down and let out a decompressing sigh.

You weren't sure if it was the right thing to do, but you went with your gut and sat down across from him. Again, his eyes felt like they were asking you, "what the hell are you doing?"

None of that bothered you. You knew Joel had every right to be standoffish and defensive. No one spoke to him, they just spoke about him - behind his back usually. If he outright told you to get lost then you would; but you hoped he would take you up on your offer.

"I get out of here at eight," you explained, to which he said nothing. He continued to stare directly back into your eyes, however. "What if we do something?"

Joel's almost bewildered expression twisted into an amused smirk. "Do something?" He asked. "You and me?"

You nodded. "Yeah. I mean, both of us would have to be there. It wouldn't be much fun otherwise, right?"

He snickered, but at the same time began to shake his head and his smile eventually faded. "You don't want to do that."

You narrowed your eyes at him as he sipped his coffee and then stood back up, grabbing his breakfast sandwich as he did.

"Thank you again for the sandwich and the coffee." He gave a nod as you remained seated, nodding back.

Joel headed toward the door of the coffee shop and looked back at you one more time before pushing it open and disappearing out onto the sidewalk.

CLICK HERE FOR CHAPTER 2

[karlachismylife]

I think it's easier to live with as time goes on, esp with adhd it's become the background pain of my life lol, flair ups suck though for SURE. What is surprising is how much I can move even though it hurts because of the pressure lol. I used to do ballet stuff so flexibility isn't an issue. And honestly thank you for sympathizing because you have no idea how many people assume that just cause I don't look like I'm constantly uncomfortable and in pain that means I'm not. It's like no dude my feet feel like they're burning and I'm pretty sure my legs are locked to prevent them from shaking but fuck it we ball. I did get prescribed a new medicine though so I don't have to constantly take ibuprofen and it works really well! The pressure is still there but not the pain. Btw you don't have to keep answering these with the hc's if you're low on juice. Just being able to talk about this without feeling like I have to defend my own pain cause I'm younger. It's like if you're under 30 people think you can't possibly have pain XD

(for other comrades - prev post here)

Me and my inner Soap got so stuck on that ballet part, not gonna lie... I smacked him upside his silly puppy head though, don't worry. Jokes aside, though, that's incredibly impressive, wow, you're just a star, aren't you? Cuz I have quite an understanding of how hard it is (mum did ballet and told tales) and I have nothing but respect for anyone who can endure it, honestly, superhuman shit.

Ugh, I already got frustrated with them people on your account. As if they wouldn't give you shit if you demonstrated that you don't feel well. Dumb. I feel like 141 boys wouldn't like that you're kinda masking it, though. They wanna take care of you, for Ghost it's almost the sole driving force of his life, but they all get off acts of service and care, because, well, that's what they are, four big brutal service dogs. So if one of them sniffs out you're hiding how uncomfortable your current seat is or that you got tired of standing, for example, in a checkout queue at the store - there's gonna be so much grumbling, oh boy, and you're getting scooped up immediately to be relocated somewhere you can actually get comfy and relax.

Good thing there's new meds! Already said, Ghost's picking them up and clinking glasses with you to take them together with his drug cocktail, before you get to chase Soap around the house like a dog that doesn't want to take its pills. He would still keep the painkillers always on hand, though, just in case, you know - what if it flares or something happens. And for Price.

Price would SO understand that stupid ass stigma and bias though, because he's actually not an old man and was even younger when he messed up his back, plus he's in the military, so everyone always assumes that he's in his top shape and if he shows he isn't, he just gets dragged by others. Or maybe not dragged, cuz people are rightfully afraid of him, but it's the looks he gets that get under his skin and make him so self-conscious. And the days when you need his help but he can't pick you up properly? He feels like a failure. So all this people talk and internal exhaustion from the constant presense of this shite in your life is very very familiar to him. Letting some steam off while you both just tear apart some ugly ass knob that made a sarcasting note about you when you sat on a free seat in the subway? Sure, Price made that balding bitch almost piss himself for that, but it doesn't mean he won't have some more nice words to say about people like him who decide who gets to sit and who doesn't.

[thelyingjoke]

hello mx bow today i cannot stop thinking about the motive video watchparty _(:」∠)_ it started w/ me thinking about how sad it is that gonta *agreed* to help kokichi show everyone the motive videos, and then kokichi lost his trust because he chose to lie abt everyone hating bugs *on top* of that...sir please stop self destructing all your personal relationships bc of your paranoia it hurts my feelings :[

but then i couldn't stop thinking about the plan WORKING nd how that would change the entire trajectory of the story...obv ryoma and kirumi would get A Lot of attention from the group but (unsurprisingly) i can't stop thinkin abt how it would affect kokichi...being outed as a pacifist w/ a small organization that just does silly hijinks would crush most of the villain plan. and he was *willing* to do that!! i don't remember where i was going with this. wah. kokichi being more integrated into the group is spinning in my head at all times forever.

SOSOSOSOOOOOO REAL

the plan working would lead to so many changes……..i love kokichi working in the main group scenarios it gets my brain going. especially with this scenario because it’s not just his word they’re relying on, they have more evidence that they can actually trust him!!! think how the group dynamics would change!!!!!! they’d still think he was annoying (he is) but they’d actually know he wouldn’t mean any harm. he can’t play himself up as a villain anymore and he’s fine with that because now he knows this current plan (the nicer plan) is working! not to mention ryoma & kirumi would be able to get the support they need. it’s not likely kirumi would try to kill again any time soon because at this point she’d be too obvious and hopefully everyone would convince her out of it

something interesting as well, i think, would be how everyone sees maki. how would people react to learning her talent from her video while also knowing kokichi is someone they can trust? would they distrust her more than canon? would some people sympathize with her, given that her orphanage was likely in her video, or would everyone focus on the assassin part? it also of course depends on how much of the situation the video gives away, if her being an assassin is even mentioned to be because of her worry for her orphanage in it at all. people were already a little wary of her in canon, after deciding to believe in her during the trial and her talent being revealed by a guy not many of them are fond of, and it makes me wonder what would have changed in these circumstances

it’s also funny to me to think about how MAD tsumugi would be at this. what the hell! this little shit foiled her heartwrenching murder of the chapter!! she came up with such good motives too!!! she can’t even try to villainize him later. what the fuck you were supposed to be the antagonist who fits with the season’s themes asshole we gave you a whole rivalry with kaito and everything stop breaking the script. she can’t just let everything stop before the chapter 2 murder! she’s definitely going to try her darndest to get people to kill. and given the new information about him, it may be hard to try and get someone to kill kokichi as much as it would be convenient for her. someone would probably eventually kill though, it’s important for the ratings, but also can you imagine how crushing that’d be

kokichi went and had the PERFECT plan that was working! he even showed himself to be trustworthy!! he gave up his villain plan for this!!! and then someone went and killed anyway. dude. Why Did They Do That. IT WOULD BE SO PAINFUL !! ohand imagine . he’s gained the trust of the group but then his trust towards them starts to be broken even more from this. he already had trust issues before but now it seems like they’re being confirmed. his nice peaceful plan only prevented one murder just for another to happen??? did he throw away the mastermind plan for nothing? he still believed there was a mastermind, and it seems even more definite now that someone in their group is working against them. he just doesn’t know who. in his mind it even further confirms his idea that cooperation will be punished. oughhh……… this scenario is so full of opportunities for both kokichi fluff & angst i am consuming it so hard even though it’s only mere crumbs i made up in my head

SPEAKING OF TRUST ISSUESSSSSSSS i am so with you on the gonta bit. stop it dude DON’T TELL A NEEDLESS LIE THAT WILL ONLY ALIENATE YOUR CLOSEST ALLY IN THE END. YOU ARE KILLING ME. although i also wonder if maybe it has something to do with the way he grows increasingly frustrated at gonta over the course of those 3 strategy meeting pre-fte dialogues! in the first one, if you invite kokichi, he’s hesitant about it before he receives the OK from gonta, while if you invite gonta, he’s very polite about letting gonta hang out with shuichi and saying they can meet later. in the second one, inviting kokichi has him expressing hesitance since he’s with gonta again—however, when you invite gonta, he gets more aggressive and goes “i get it, i’m not wanted!” after gonta mentions he’d been falling asleep. by the third one, kokichi doesn’t hesitate to hang out at all, and just says he’s got a plan, and inviting gonta has him go “i don’t mind, take him off my hands”. to me it seems like he was trying to explain everything, but gonta found it hard to follow—hard-to-follow things make gonta fall asleep, and kokichi took that the same as gonta calling him boring, which he hates. if you invite gonta the second time it merely comes out earlier, and kokichi probably notices it later if you decide to invite him instead, which irritates him. he gets tired of trying to explain it and decides lying to him would be easier, which is the plan he figures out by that third event. maybe a combination of all that and his paranoia made him do that? idk i’m just kinda spitballing ideas here . i’m very not normal about motive video watchparty !

[mikuni14]

Bake Me Please - Finale

So… I really liked Bake Me Please until episode 5. Let me repeat why: this show surprised me with how realistic it was - intentionally or not. The characters really behaved very irritatingly, but very realistically. I was completely interested and invested. (I have this thing: imperfect series have to compensate for their imperfections with something to keep my attention so that I don't drop them. It's usually a character I particularly like (SPRITE) or good chemistry between the characters. I fully admit, yes, usually love scenes and / or an amazing couple are able to make up for the stupidity of the plot (like in Love in Translation, or recently in Twins). Bake Me Please is a unique series because it's probably the first one that, despite its imperfections, completely interested me with the surprising logic of the characters' behavior, which weirdly appealed to me 😀 ok, and I watched it for Peach, who is such a sweet peach)

What can I say about the finale? Theoretically, the series ended all threads nicely, everyone is happy, grandma is still alive. And yet I'm not satisfied with the ending, which consisted of everyone coming to Shin, Shin saying "I'm sorry" and "I know I'm an asshole", which is the minimum of the minimum that can be done when you screwed everything up. It was so...... low effort. Actually - NO effort! Shin didn't do ANY work, he didn't go out to people, people came to him. In addition, he was shown as a victim because he "has always been lonely" and he "hides his illness". The audacity of that bitch! 😤 Peach and Guy did all the emotional labor. Peach sacrificed himself and helped. AGAIN. Guy has grown up.

I don't understand anything about the drama surrounding the bakery and social media, like wtf. In fact, I literally passed by closed cafes with information that, sorry, we're closed, our chef is on vacation :) No one gives a shit! It would be fine to just write that Shin was sick, people would understand it and sympathize! Who visitis this bakery, some weirdos addicted to sugar???

*deep sigh*

Ultimately what I can say is:

Peach deserves the best place to work and the best, caring, wonderful, loving, supportive guy who will be excited about his dreams and do anything to help him achieve them. And who will worship the ground he walks on, because he's an angel sent from above, will never lie to him, will put visible effort into maintaining their relationship, will regulate his emotions and be a fucking adult

Peach holds this team together, he holds his relationship with Shin together

brothers had the best relationship, I love siblings who support each other unconditionally

the whole finale should have been about Shin putting in the effort to get the team back and get Peach back. PERIOD.

I don't know if I wrote about it, but Peach deserves the best place to work and the best boyfriend

But ok, man, whatever. I'm cool 🥳 It was nice while it lasted 😀 If someone simply likes happy endings, this is the series for them. However, if you're looking for good quality, equal relationships, you will not find them here ��

[moonmothmama]

ok so i spent the last three days reading two novels and a novella. one each day. the orc saga by @amaliadillin

had a lot of fun reading these. would like to own physical copies at some point. also there's going to be a third book at some point which if it were out i would be reading it now, so.

i suppose it's a romance? i haven't read a single Regular Ass Romance Novel in my life (i read a gay retelling of beauty and the beast one time? does that count??) though so you can't go by me. but there's a romance at the center of the story. to me, if the characters are compelling then i'm hooked, and i did enjoy the characters. it's got that fairytale fantasy vibe, like the old fairytales where a lot of fucked up shit happens. you know what i mean. harrowing stuff. classic tropes were used and played around with in a way that made for good storytelling. i am too tired and cracked out to give a more thoughtful review but i had fun reading them.

the orcs are full-on good guys in this story, which is stating the obvious, but like, i specifically went looking for stories with orcs that weren't simply A Race Of Evil Creatures. call me crazy, i want some nuance. something balanced. or christ at least not completely black and white.

like yes i love Tolkien but i never liked the concept of a Race Of Evil Creatures. in any context. bothered me as far back as i can recall. there is a lot i could say about it but like i said i'm tired. just. you know. "this entire people is Evil" do i even need to list reasons why that might make a person uncomfortable? you can think of some on your own, i'm sure. feels bad. don't like it.

and i'm aware Tolkien himself was actually troubled and conflicted about that bit so what more do you need to know? it's fucked up.

also broadly the whole "good is beautiful evil is ugly/beautiful is good ugly is evil" shit can go back to the victorian era please and thank you. but that's a whole other tack and i'm already rambling.

and also there are so many sweeping generalizations about entire peoples that have rankled me since i first read The Hobbit when i was eight years old. i vividly remember the very first time i read this one line that was like "dwarves are not heroes" and said something to the effect of that they were all essentially cowardly and/or self-interested and i was like "what the fuck dude?" I mean i was eight so i wouldn't have phrased it like that but that was the exact emotion. and it still bugs me! (also did Thorin Oakenshield- who was an OLD MAN!- rush COMPLETELY ALONE into a circle of three trolls to fight for his people or didn't he? you're telling me that's not heroic? fuck off)

and you guys know i am a sucker for Sympathetic Monsters. blah blah when the world looks at you like you're monstrous you sympathize with monsters blah blah, something something who decides what a monster is yadda yadda.

anyway i'm going to lie down probably

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

First of all, you're not critically enjoying a character if you put (affectionate) after talking about them being an asshole. That's you just liking a character for being a (racist Calico Jack was fucking racist) dick. Second, I do not give a fuck about what David Jenkins said. This is about you, and the fandom, and taking "failing marriage CODED" literally. Ed and Izzy have never been romantically involved. Izzy is abusive and racist. You ship them together. I guarantee you DJ does not SHIP Ed and Izzy. Third, Stede is, in case you've fucking forgotten, the literal main character of the show. YOU personally don't want him to have disassociated because you want to keep being able to talk about what an awful piece of shit he is, but THE EVIDENCE IN CANON SUPPORTS IT. You'd rather delve into and sympathize with a character like Calico Jack--create characteristics for him that canon doesn't support--than empathize with what Stede went through. And I have a genuine question for you: what are you gonna do if the show DOES make it canon that Stede disassociated? Because David Jenkins has indicated agreement with that theory, actually.

The fact is that you're a disgusting racist and an abuse apologist and a fucking DISGRACE to trans men everywhere like you should seriously be ashamed to even exist at this point.

Anon: And if your bitch ass Izzy stan bestie doesn't want to be called [Jamie has chosen to remove the remainder of this message because I don't want to publish Anon's abuse towards non me people, but it's in response to me calling them out for calling uselessheretic a slur and reminding them that that is in fact very racist and maybe the best way for anon to reduce racism (if they cared about that, which they don't) in fandom is to shut up]

Jesus fucking christ man. I guess I asked. I could respond to all of this but I think you need to lie down, but basically I'll just do it real fast; point 1. do you know what critical thinking skills and nuance are and have you tried them even once? (rhetorical question the answer is no), point 2. Shipping can mean more than one thing. 3. Yeah I'm a Stede hater we've been over this.

Anyway I'm not answering your question because it's a useless hypothetical. Something else which contradicts it (i.e. Stede running away because he thinks he's ruining Ed) has already been confirmed so, no point in discussing it any further. You're just wrong.

Also They're not my bestie. We have each other blocked actually because I think their takes are batshit and they can't stop lying about me and my mutuals. And they presumably think I'm a cunt. I just also can identify racism when I see it. Just because I don't like a person doesn't mean i'm gonna give you a pass on calling black people slurs.

And Finally. I'm not the one who should be ashamed to exist. Genuinely anon how do you fucking sleep at night knowing that you're making this fandom miserable to be in? How do you live with yourself knowing that the most significant thing you'll do in your entire pathetic fucking life is have takes in the inboxes of strangers and annoy them until they decide to squash you like the insignificant insect that you are by turning off anon or blocking you? How do you wake up and go on the internet every damn day and stalk people all day knowing that those people will only dedicate like one thought a month to you max and that's if you're real annoying? How does one go on when they're so fucking miserable that they can only get a crum of joy by spend all damn day online making other people feel bad?

It seems like you might call a lot of people racist cunts and disgraces who should be ashamed to be alive because deep down you know that's what you are. Projection isn't cute.

Sorry you had to see that followers. Last one forever this time.

[ardathksheyna]

Yes, I'm Against Book Banning

Even when the author in question is a shitty, derivative literary hack.

So a few people in the Brainerd school district decided to get together and ban one of Maas' books on what is turning out to be spurious reasons. The Brainerd school board pushed back and rejected the resolution—which quite frankly, they should have. It's not the place of a few individuals to try and make a determination for other parents and their children on what they can or can not be allowed to read.

In this instance, though—when I first heard about the challenge, not gonna lie but I laughed my ass off. What I found hilarious is that someone actually felt threatened enough by this trash to try and get it banned from a school library. Kind of demonstrates how far we've fallen as a society if garbage literature is actually that threatening to some people. Although, the fact that Maas is a New York Times bestseller is probably another example of society's fall from grace.

That being said, picking up a book—even one as shitty as the above—does help expand a child's literary skills, especially if that child decides to grow up to be a writer. In fact, this is where crap literature comes in handy. It gives young, aspiring writers an example of what not to do. In this case, how to actually make your characters well-rounded by not following the example of Throne of Glass. I've heard people say that the series gets better after the first book, but as the writer, you need to be able to hook the reader on the first book. Don't expect your readers to wade through one or two books of drek to get to the good stuff.

It's also hard to delve into a book when you already want to beat the shit out of the ever-so-perfect-at-everything-she-does main character. Sorry, hate to put it like this but between the ages of sixteen and twenty (sometimes, even older), about the only thing a person is good at is being a fuck-up.

Aelin is supposed to be the world's "best assassin," yet is easily startled whenever someone comes up behind her. She even brags about how fast she can kill someone but doesn't do shit in the first book.

If you're a world-renown assassin, first off, you wouldn't be bragging about it, and second, your situational awareness should be top-notch.

Segway to Fate Grand Order, Okada Izo (who ironically enough, is an Assassin-class Servant) frequently brags about being the best swordsman but this is played off for comedic affect. It's pointed out to him that there's several swordsmen/women in Chaldea who are arguably better—Okita and [DATA LOST] (sorry, too soon?) just to name a few. Oryou even specifically names Musashi as one of them, while also calling Izo a dumbass in the same sentence if I remember correctly. Ryouma, Oryou, and Izo's interactions are among my most favorites in the game.

The point being made is that if your character is going to brag about being the best, it's better to play that off for comedic effect—like in Okada's example—than try to be serious about it.

Aelin comes off as a misogynist. While I hate the character, I think I understand what Maas was trying to get at. Aelin complains about how women will cut down other women for male attention and hates them for it. Sadly, that is the only thing I sympathize with (while simultaneously being disgusted by) Aelin about.

That's because as a female software engineer, I've been on the receiving end of women attempting to undercut me because they perceived me as a threat for male attention when I very obviously had no interest whatsoever in my male coworkers. I come to work for a pay-check, not a booty-call—honestly, remote working has been a godsend for me. It's funny because it was frequently these same women that harped on there not being enough women in tech. That is a rant for another time, though.

Now Back to the Subject At Hand

Anyway, Aelin never grows out of this in any way that I can discern. Of course, Aelin had already made herself so unlikable in my mind, that her good points were overshadowed by her bad ones.

As for hooking the reader on the first book—Maas isn't the only author to fail at that task. Even well-established writers make that mistake. I'm looking at Mercedes Lackey's most recent book, Gryphon of Light as an example.

Gryphon was slow to start and reused material wholesale from short stories published in the Valdemar anthologies years ago. If that wasn't bad enough, the way that the first book ended left such a bad feeling that I'm still in the air about whether or not I'm going to continue the series. Another reason I'm having a hard time justifying getting the second book is that while I'm happy that Lackey returned to present-day Valdemar, a lot of the character details were wrong and it bugged me. It literally felt like I was reading a badly written, out-of-character fanfic. Maybe she shouldn't have waited twenty-plus years to return to present-day Valdemar, but I'm also given to understand that she wanted a break from writing Valdemar books for a few years.

That being said, I'll still finish The Founding when the final book comes out at the end of this month.

On Maas' writing style. Not throwing shade at fanfic writers or Wattpad writers here because there are very good and very bad fanfic writers out there. I'll say that it's glaringly obvious that Maas never graduated beyond writing Mary Sue anime fanfics.

I'll also admit to having a more personal reason for disliking Maas and Throne of Glass. One of her characters seems to be a card-board cutout ripoff of a character I created for my webcomic, Silent Shadow. Yes, he has the same name as my boy but I could ignore that. However, the physical similarities were another matter—they are close enough that they made me uncomfortable. However, that's not to say that there aren't physical differences as well (skin- and eye-color, and facial tattoos) so maybe it's all a coincidence and I can get my head out of my ass about it?

It's one of the reasons why I started the process of making Rowan look more like an anime wolf-boy than a Rumiko Takahashi-inspired yokai—which is what he was originally. It was something that I wanted to do years ago to call out his Lycan background but I honestly lacked the skills. The discoveries I made about Blender and Daz Studio—SJM's hackery not withstanding—is what helped me make that push.

The end-result is I can't see Rowan without wolf-ears now, and I honestly like it that way :)

There's another challenge coming for me in the future—Rowan's Therian form. What will make that challenging is the armature. I've learned a bit about rigging digitigrade legs so we'll see how I can put that knowledge to use. I'll probably have to use new geometry because I don't think that the Hiro 3 mesh is up to that level of deformation.

That being said, it's actually had the benefit of forcing me to hash out the personalities of my characters so that they are well-rounded with flaws and trauma of their own that they either grow out of, or know enough about themselves that they can learn to to work around or keep those flaws under control.

So yes, even shitty literature has educational value, even if it's an example of how not to create your characters.

[that-banana-headed-bovine]

I'm not even 100% sure of what to ADD because, other than the eps I haven't seen yet, this is exactly how I feel as well HAISHDOS

I will say, I feel like TDR Karr and KvK Karr are practically different characters, like I have no problem saying I sympathize with him because to me he is an emotionally stunted sweet boy like in TDR, and KvK was just. him in the worst timeline having absolutely lost his shit. I will say, even in this timeline I don't think he was actually intending on killing anyone other than Michael.... so he's still a better person than like most of the villains in this show.

I guess I do have two more for y'all

I really do like April. The circumstances of her being added to the show suuuuck, and I get how some people would find it hard to look past, but as her own character she's great. It's like a look into an alternate timeline where instead of the mechanic character being straight-laced she was instead just as chaotic if not more than Michael. I don't like how she was in Return to Cadiz but other than that, great character.

The Goliath Returns two-parter is ACTUALLY so uncomfortably realistic and vivid with the villain plans that I genuinely do not enjoy it. Like, say what you will about KvK and the scene with Mandy, but I don't think that can really hold a candle to the way Garthe taunts the whole main cast as he gleefully plans to kill them, Garthe harasses April in an explicit manner, Garthe through his henchmen taunts Kitt's life too except in an even more effed up way where he'd basically be a slave for the rest of forever in Goliath???, and worst of all, how Adrienne harasses Michael in a similarly explicit way to April, except cranked to 100 and with some horrific implications caused by an ad break. I may be a little overdramatic here and fueled by first watch emotions, but I genuinely don't plan on rewatching to find out bc I felt icky the whole time. There are episodes that are worse quality-wise, but there are none I'd like to watch less.

and potentially 3. I am very conflicted on how to feel about Devon, like in general. I used to outright hate him I won't lie to you, I uh I've come to my senses about that he's mostly a good character, but I do think the fandom glorifies him more than is seemingly earned. Likeee, he's definitely a sort of father figure to Bonnie and at times Michael but it's hard for me to give him that credit when it comes to Kitt, he's kinda cold to Kitt most of the time. He also perpetuates the stuuupid "you can't tell her because it's dangerous even though if anything her knowing that bad people are after you could help her in case of an emergency know who to call and why but we don't talk about that part it's daaangewous" trope with Stevie when Michael probably would have told her the truth, and I haaaate that trope DC's Arrowverse killed it for me forever it's just awful. I wish he'd have been able to interact with Kitt alone ,,, EVER? And I wish that the things he said to Kitt didn't usually boil down to "stop complaining smh my head"... and I wish he was more sensitive to Michael's feelings about the literal love of his life. ALSO am I going crazy or does the first Goliath two-parter kinda imply a love affair situation going on w him and Elizabeth? So much for being a loyal friend to Wilton, I guess

hot take like 3.5, y'all a lot of Kitt's dialogue is so cringeyyy holy crap like I love the snarky smart boy that we all know and love and that's how the fandom portrays him most of the time, but the show itself isn't afraid to have him like ogle at women a bit which is weeeird because he's a friggen car or say stuff that makes no fricken sense for him to say or like how in Cadiz he got really fixated on pirates for some reason or he just like copies stuff from his surroundings that genuinely I don't think he'd be caught dead saying bc it's slang and it's kind of cute but also feels weirdly out of character and like writers why why'd you have to be so 80s. I still love HIM I just don't think the writers . understood him like I do #delusion

Let’s do something fun.

To the 5 people in the KR fandom here, repost and give me your Knight Rider hot-takes!

I’ll go first. Here’s a couple of mine.

1. Maybe not a hot take but The Scent Of Roses was the perfect finale, and should have been the season and series ending.

2. KITT’s character fell flat at many points in s4. It was disappointing to me honestly.

3. I’m still 50/50 on KARR even after like 100+ watch throughs of this show- I sympathize with him but then I also see him how FLAG sees him.

4. I absolutely love the dynamic between Bonnie and Michael and how it evolves from him hitting on her, to realizing she’s not going to fall for his crap, to practically siblings.

5. Again this one probably isn’t a hot take, but I do believe after Knight Of The Juggernaut, RC3 was severely underused, and practically all of his potential was lost.

6. I enjoy watching KITTNAP

7. TDR > KVK minus KARR’s look, because if we are going for looks, it’s KVK > TDR

8. Some of the best episodes are when Michael’s past are brought into it.

9. I would have loved to see more references to Michael’s past, specifically the Vietnam part.

10. I wanted so badly to have more backstory to both KITT and KARR, Devon, Bonnie, and RC3.

Can’t wait to see what you all have to offer!

[vickkinha]

Freak - Eddie Munson x reader

pt 1?, mentions of dr*gs, swearing, xfem!reader, platonic for now

You've always wanted to know why Eddie munson was treated like a freak, you wanted to know him better than just watching him from far, so you came up with a plan.

You were determined to give the school "freak" a chance, you saw the boy in the cafeteria and loved it when he made fun of jason and his friends, you admired the boy, he seemed nice, but you just watched him from afar, not understanding why he was so mistreated by others.

He looked intimidating not gonna lie, but for some reason, you seemed to sympathize with him, after thinking about ways to approach him, you decided to pretend you would buy dr*gs just to meet him.

and there you were in a forest, looking around rethinking all your decisions, maybe he's crazy you thought it's a bad idea you thought about where you were and what you did.

"Are you okay? you look like you saw a ghost” a voice spoke behind you you jumped up turning to the boy breathing faster in a scared fight position, the boy laughed and raised his arms surrendering playfully.

you relaxed, hand on your heart taking a deep breath and looking at him as he tried not to laugh at the scare he accidentally gave you “Oh shit I thought it was someone else” you said softly, he laughed and lowered his arms “Oh sure, that's good that it's just the unknown dr*g dealer I called, what a relief" he said clearly mocking you and you rolled your eyes "Y/n L/n" you held out your hand "you're Eddie Munson" he turned his head looking at yours hand later to you

“here inbetween us, you've never actually bought drugs before right?” he looked at you with a little smile on his face before sighing and saying “I have everything from the weakest to the strongest, what will it be?” you pulled back your hand when you saw that he wasn't going to shake it.

"actually..." you said looking to the side he stopped holding the familiar metal lunch box he carries it around the whole school?! you thought “I just wanted to talk to you and as I didn’t know how to get your attention I came up with this plan” you said looking at him

“what do you mean” he said confused “that means you don’t want to buy my...stuff?" he said looking at you with a look of pure confusion on his face

"That's it, I just wanted to know why Eddie 'the freak' munson is so rejected at school" you shrugged your shoulders, he smiled

"you're kinds crazy right?” he laughed and you made an offended face “I- what do you mean by that” You said staring at him while he chuckled “Is that you make a plan to meet a dealer you only know from afar in the middle of a forest where no one else can see or hear you, this is crazy to me” he continued gesturing with his hands you rolled your eyes “if you call me crazy I'll leave” he laughed trying to catch his breath “no no calm down, you do you want to know me? you're lucky I have time today"

you nodded, he sat on the floor hitting the dirt in front of him with a little smile, you looked at him seriously "are you telling me to sit on this dirty dirt?" you pointed and he looked at you “Sorry madam if you can't make an effort to sit on the earth for a few seconds”

you sighed sitting down “you have 3 questions” he said you looked at him in disbelief “you're being serious?" he laughs “was that a question?” you sighed almost regretting your decisions right there "m'kay" you stopped to think, you thought about meeting him several times but never really thought about what you were going to say He stared at you and you stared back, nervous, you don't work with pressure

“What is your favorite color?” you said sweating he looked at you “are we in kindergarten?” he laughed “Just answer” you replied “purple” “purple? Really?" you completed he rolled his eyes with a smile “I can just leave ya know?” he said threatening to get up you laughed and held him in place "why do they call you a freak?" you said he laughed “I don't know they started calling me that and I just accepted” he said and looked at you hurriedly

“Do you want to be my friend?” he stopped in disbelief looked you up and down stopping at your face that was with a friendly smile he chuckled "that's not how it works" he laughed, took a breath looked around and looked at you again with a little smile "Sooo...now that your questions are over, it's my turn” you looked at him the smile getting a little weak “Wait we didn't agree on that” he smiled “you questioned me I'll question you, that's how it works”

“favorite color” he said “copycat...” you whispered “Yellow” said smiling

“why do you want to be my friend?” he looked smiling you looked around “you look nice, i really think we can be friends, i see how you treat the people in your little club, i even considered learning to play dnd just to be a part of it” you smiled broadly he smiled and stood up “Oookay” he said turning around “See you later thanks for the chat”

“Hey! you can't just go like this and your last question??” you said going after him “I'll save it for later” he smiled “don't worry we'll talk again, just don't meet any strangers in forests again weirdo” he laughed and you couldn't hold back the laughter, days go by you kept following him from time to time at school, asking what the last question was he just laughed, eventually you got what you wanted, befriended eddie munson and found out he's not the freak they call him.

I should “buy dr*gs” more often”

A/n: I hope this isn't out of character, i'll probably post a pt 2 (maybe not) soon it depends if people like it or not lol, i dont know if i can say "dr*gs" here so thats why i censured it lmao, first time writing Eddie be nice lol

[maxxeclypse]

These are just some thoughts and ramblings I had that came about after watching the most recent episode of The 4400 reboot on CW. (This is not an anti-Noah post because I do like him. I'm just concerned that the only two trans men I've seen on the CW shows that I watch have been white. Outside of the DCTV shows on CW (minus LoT), I only watch Charmed and now, The 4400.)

Why is it that when these shows are given the option to introduce a any type of queer person, they decide to play it safe and choose to center a white queer person? Then they had the Black doctor from the past be the one who's accepting of him. Why not have a Black trans person for the Black doctor to accept? The Black doctor from the past standing up for a Black trans person would've been a better, bolder choice, imho. I feel like it would've been even more mind-blowing for them both. The racialized violence that QPOC face is ongoing and something white queer people will never have to deal with. QPOC face homophobia and transphobia within their own communities and racism within queer spaces. White queer people still have white privilege and it was unnecessary to highlight them in this show. This show has introduced us to different types of Black people throughout time but when the opportunity to introduce a Black queer person presented itself, they chose a white queer person instead. Make that make sense. He didn't even have to be a Black queer person, just any other QPOC but definitely not a white person. We're already conditioned to sympathize with and relate to white people so why highlight them in this show that has so many Black people in it. I would love if these shows would be bold enough to center non-whites from now on and stop playing it safe. All it says to me is, let's see how everyone reacts to the white queer person first and wait your turn. It also feels like it's trying to convince Black people, namely cishets, that queer (white) people are treated just like Black people. They're are similarities but let's not outright lie. A QPOC from anytime would be better at assessing the world we live in now. A white queer person can't see how fucked up everything still is from a QPOC's perspective. They don't experience the racialized misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia that truly impacts us on a different level on a daily basis. We not only have to deal with these forms of oppression outside of our communities compounded by racism, but we have to deal with this bullshit within it as well. Seeing a Black person from the past be accepting and standing up for a Black queer person is more personal. Some of us still long for and wish for our own homes (community) to actually feel like safe spaces without having to run somewhere else to avoid hostility and feel like we belong.

Progress for disenfranchised white people first is always gonna leave the people the most affected to fend for ourselves. The same goes for cishet folks within our race. Look at the civil rights and the women suffrage movements for example. WOC and QPOC were told to wait. Wait until when? Where are most of the people who started those movements and told us to wait and that they would push for our rights later? Dead. And, the people who should've picked up the torch to help us didn't. So, we're left to do it alone. Womanism, founded by and predominately made up of black women, focuses on WOC rights because white feminists, like Susan B. Anthony, wanted WOC to stand in the back and wait their turn. Feminists like her preceded to use racism to level with their white male counterparts in order to obtain voting rights. Saying shit like, "how can you give the negro man voting rights before your own women?" (paraphrasing) Like, excuse me? All of that while telling black women to stay in the back when they marched. Black women already had to deal with that during the civil rights marches and was hoping that white women would be different. Trickle down rights is just as ineffective as trickle down economics.

If you truly want progress, you would focus on the more disenfranchised first. You have to start at the bottom and work your way up. If you start at the top, it leaves too many people still suffering to suffer even longer. You already see how black men and white women getting voting rights first left WOC in the dust. If they would've centered WOC first in that fight to obtained voting rights, everyone would've benefitted a lot sooner. You would be killing two birds (racism and misogyny) with one stone (movement). Instead, other movements had to pick up the slack and take even longer to get where we are now.

We should be focusing on uplifting the most disenfranchised among us (disabled QPOC) if we want true progress. Tackling all the forms of oppression that they face would benefit everyone. Attacking one form of oppression at a time is killing those of us who have to continue to wait our turn.

I'm not trying to put Noah down or anything. I really like him. I'm just tired of white people being the face of queerness, womanhood, and disability. Focusing on white people with these lived experiences leaves too much room for racism to negatively impact any progress made. The white people with those life experiences still have the privilege, a blind spot, of not seeing how they can also contribute to and, oftentimes, even ignore racism and racialized violence directed towards POC with similar life experiences. Although I'm still looking forward to learning about Noah's past, I would've really love to see a QPOC from the Stonewall Riots or even further back included in this show.

[nightswithkookmin]

BIGHIT vs BTS SHIPS The Difference Between Jikook and Taekook

I think I have explained the commercial value of ships when it comes to content marketing in one of my previous posts. But allow me to use this opportunity to address it in depth.

Bighit did not invent shipping. Shipping predates Kpop and plays a vital role in spiking interest, relevancy and longevity of that interest in a piece of marketed content. It sustains Audience Retention rates and improves engagement rates significantly. It is a powerful marketing tool when used right but I'm not going to get into all that in this post.

Fact is BigHit does benefit from shipping culture because it is one way they keep the audience engaged with BTS content even when they aren't putting out new content for the market to consume. BTS ships serve the same purpose as all the Run, Soop, Bon voyage and myriads of sub content they put out. You may not watch Run every day, but if you are a shipper you will like a ship post at least once a day.

Shipping is organic and costs nothing unlike most other marketing strategies available to the marketer. TV programs such as Harry Potter (Dont lie. I know you shipped Hermoine and Harry. I did too. *tears) Star wars, Friends, Supernatural, Vampire Diaries, Shadow Hunter to name a few have all benefited from shipping culture significantly.

Can BigHit do without ships? Absolutely. They would be a fool to though. Shipping is just one of the many resource options available to a marketer. It bridges the gap in between formal contents and keep interest in a brand going.

I smirk when some people dismiss shipping, look down on shippers or make ignorant and ill informed comments about shipping culture in general. Audience retention and engagement is king in today's economy and BigHit taps into this resource very well.

All BTS ships are thus relevant and valid. All of them. Unfortunately, this is a numbers games. Numbers play a key role in the commercial value of a ship. And it is a fact universally acknowledged that Taekook and Jikook are ships with the most number of fans and as such provides higher engagement rates within a marketing context.

Taekook is the biggest ship not just in BTS but in Kpop. It is followed closely by Jikook. Does that mean all the ships are nothing but shallow interactions engineered to keep us tethered to BTS for as and when they are ready to sell a product to us? NO.

I don't see BigHit actively curating these ships and masterminding them.

What I mean is, I don't think BigHit is asking the members to interact or even forcing them to interact- except in recent moments but that is another topic for another day.

BTS interact with eachother from their own free will. Of course no two interactions are going to be the same as no two relationships are the same. We cannot compare Taegi to Jikook or Taekook to Jikook or even to VMin because the friendship between Jimin and V is not the same as between V and Jin etc.

No one is forcing Jungkook to interact with Jimin. No one is forcing Tae not to interact with JK. It's absurd to think in such a way.

They all interact with eachother and provide that content for BigHit's use. All BigHit does is decide when to show us that content as and if they want to show it to us at all. They are a business and all these ships are just marketing resources and so they will show us a ship's content in a way that advances their business marketing strategy.

However, if two people within a ship barely interact or do not interact at all with eachother then there wouldn't be any content on them for BigHit to promote or use in their marketing campaigns to begin with.

What I'm saying is, if Taekook sells- as in if there are a lot of people interested in seeing their content(which there are) and those two individuals actually have moments together on or off camera, then in their estimation BigHit will market that content to us. If Jikook sells they will sell it to us; as long as none of these ships are damaging to the reputation and business of BigHit.

[CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC BELOW- Proceed with caution.]

A ships value to BigHit, in my opinion, is contingent on its commercial value as discussed above but if that ship causes BigHit to lose money rather than gain, if a ship negatively affects the business or reputation of BigHit then that ship is as good as dead. They will kick that ship off the spotlight real fast.

Taekook and Jikook have both had moments like this where they are temporarily taken off the spotlight or even asked to tone things down. We've all seen it don't argue with me.

Not everything BigHit does is about these ships. BigHit is a brand in of its own. They have several other brands under their brand and they can't afford to ruin their brand image or any of their artists.

They will not hesitate to shut down a ship if it is doing more harm than good. They did it to Taekook when that ship was in it's hay days. As soon as they started recieving a ton of negative press that is when they started getting 'seperated' -on stage anyway. I don't think they were seperated or asked not to interact off camera. Clearly they do. They are friends after all.

BigHit does the same thing to Jikook whenever they start recieving negative attention. But we see them interacting backstage nevertheless and usually this happens at the same event they get 'separated at.'

It's nothing personal, just business.

[Controversial content ahead. Proceed with caution]

At this point, I know you would be asking why Taekook seemed to have dimmed as a ship where BigHit is concerned but Jikook recieve the same negative press and yet they still market Jikook and shine more light on it....

A Taekooker friend whom I had this discussion with pointed out to me that it seems whenever Jikook receives a ton of negative press BigHit claps back with more Jikook content and in an aggressive way yet has it being Taekook we wouldn't get any content outside official content for a whole year.

To be fair, BigHit treats all ships equally in my opinion. Jikook gets penalized for certain moments just as much as Taekook or any ship gets punished. Example, after the New Jersey VLive Jikook were banned(allegedly) from doing a Vlive on their own for a whole year and after the ban was lifted their VLive was monitored the same way Taekook's Vlive was monitored.

Secondly, perhaps they keep pushing Jikook content because that is all they have? Perhaps, they have more Jikook content than Taekook?

Jikook spend so much time around each other and they don't mind their interactions being filmed as content. Not because they are doing fan service but more so because they are lowkey exhibitionists or exhibit exhibitionist tendencies. Lol. More on that later.

When it comes to Taekook; Tae have said once that JK avoids him off camera which I assume by that he meant Jk doesn't interact with him much off camera. Now it could also be that Jk was not on good terms with him during that particular period which is normal because friends fight.

Jk have also said him and Tae's relationship is not for the cameras and I assume by that he meant they are both are not comfortable providing content for Bighit to use as marketing because as I said all these ship interactions are by their own free will. Bighit can't force Taekook to interact and if Taekook hasn't given them permission to air certain moments they just can't.

Or... or....

The reason BigHit pushes back with more Jikook content even after negative press is because Jikook is real. DEADASS.

Hear me out. Calling Taekook out for promoting Homosexuality in S.K will be deemed negative press if Taekook are not gay or in an actual romantic relationship. Calling Jikook out for promoting homosexuality will not be deemed as negative press but an abuse if Jikook are in fact gay and in a gay relationship with eachother.

BigHit is not homophobic. Bang PD is known for his openly support for members of the LGBTQ plus community. If people hate on Jikook because of their moment he will sympathize with them and shove that in your face.

While Taekook negative press will be a nuance, Jikook negative press will be revolution and BigHit will make a statement: a statement that says they stand with LGBTQ plus community PERIOD.

They will do this not for money but for the boys so they feel loved and supported. So Jikook knows they are not in this fight alone especially coming from a highly homophobic society as S.K.

The thing about Jikook is, Jikook is real. That alone gives BigHit a competitive advantage in the Industry. It means Jikook produce more content for BigHit over any other pair and that content is juicy. It's similar to how companies want exclusive access to certain power couples in the industry. If Jikook are real and BigHit have access to them, exclusive access mind you, then that places BigHit above the competition business wise.

Think of Jikook and BigHit as the Kardashians and Entertainment company behind them. Jikook has given BigHit partial access to their private lives extending beyond the access they have over BTS.

If Taekook or any ship give similar access to them we will see more of them. If they give BigHit content we will see more of them. It's as simple as that.

Jikook is a brand and BigHit is their brand manager. This means BigHit gets more content from Jikook and is at liberty to use that content any how they want and milk the shit out of it. In return, BigHit has a duty to protect Jikook and so no. When Jikook gets negative press due to homophobia BigHit is not going to cancel them.

May be chill on them for a while, because that exposure they give Jikook can be traumatizing for Jikook especially if the feedback is negative.

What I'm saying is, where Taekook would be asked to chill and lay low from public scrutiny it will be because BigHit wants to protect their business interest whereas in Jikook's case it would be to protect Jikook themselves. If Taekook are both gay and in a relationship with each other BigHit would do same for them.

I don't think BigHits marketing tactics however affects the status of Jikook, Taekook or any other ship's relationship in any way. Jikook is real whether it is made the center of attention or not. Taekook could be real regardless of whether they are marketed or not. Just because a certain ship is put under the spotlight doesn't mean that ship is 'real' neither does that negate the genuine friendship that exists between members of other ships.

It is weird to me when people associate BigHits business tactics to the validity of their ship. There is no correlation. BigHit is a business, BTS are their artists that make them money- all BTS not just two members from a ship. BTS is one of the most powerful brands in the world right now.

BigHit will explore and exploit all the relationships within the group, platonic or otherwise, if that will help them sell more albums or even Icecream.

Jikook gives BigHit a competitive advantage more so than any other ship in BTS not just because they are the second largest ship in South Korea but because Jikook are shaping out to be a power couple and Icons for the LGBTQ community. There is a reason why companies rush to support Pride month parades. I'll leave it there.

So no, I don't see it as BigHit highlighting the ship of the era as you put it or alternating between Jikook and Taekook as and when. BigHit has a business to run, shipping plays a vital role in its business marketing strategy but not everything is about these ships.

The members have a role to play in creating content for these ships and Bighit won't hesitate to market it if the content is quality entertainment, consensual and plays to their overall marketing scheme.

This means if Jikook ship content are boring they will choose to show a much entertaining ship content over them. Nothing personal.

I just think they treat Jikook differently because as much as they want to pander to our delusional shipping interests, they owe Jikook a duty to protect them from homophobic people. When you hate on any ship in BTS, BigHit assumes you are nuts but when you hate on Jikook BigHit will immediately assume you are both nuts and homophobic.

Promoting Jikook is business but it is also validation and acceptance and support. Bighit has a proclivity for sensitizing us to Jikook and normalizing their relationship.

If Taekook are also in a gay relationship they will be treated the same and I will support them the same. But to me, I believe Jikook are real and therefore Taekook and Jikook are mutually exclusive. Both cannot be real at the same time.

Ship whatever you want but support Jikook and stan all seven.

Signed,

GOLDY

[chiyoso]

this.

the fact that i wanted to take on writing seriously and try to improve on it, but see others live their short-lived success in their drabbles of 200 - 300 words is so, so draining.

i don't understand. i just don't.

i sympathize and relate to the writers who write long, long fics, the hardwork and time they put into it will never, ever be relatable to a person who hasn't written shit in their life. this is actually getting ridiculous, and its why a lot of writers in this app are dropping like flies.

i may have joined this community incredibly late, but to see those who have stayed here for awhile in this app leave because of this issue and multiple reasons, it's so depressing.

hh this also applies to the people to are invested in reading porn and only, porn. ik some ppl who interact solely because they like the author who gives out written porn towards their faves—shit like, no hate but fuck it is so damn annoying. what about their sfw fics? what about the fics they give out and are happy about it, only to have what, under a 100 notes in constrast to their other fics? my GOD.

“but notes dont matte��” you're right, but many would lie about it, me for example. you're right, it doesn't matter but it does matter to the heart and mind.

“did you like it?” “what're your thoughts on it?” “where is the support?” “where is your enthusiasm?” you mean to tell me 8k+ worth of writing only get a mere double tap from you? ha.

lmao this is for the writers who don't voice things like this out, i got you. ill say things like this for you.

right, and all these also apply to ghost readers/supporters too.

anyways peace ✌🏻>wO

jjk fics (outside of my mutuals) has lost its flavor.

[bittybattybunny]

I hope your not feeling down on your writing skills because I haven't caught up and commented on your latest releases. It's not you it's that I pick too many fanfics to follow and they all update a lot and I've been so busy and I've fallen behind on so many fics from various authors and sometimes my depression just makes me want to lie in bed all day doing nothing and it doesn't help I have to spend my limited spoons helping family everyday. I know these aren't good excuses, but I do sympathize with the lack of energy feeling at least. But your work really does bring a lot of joy to my life. It's so fun keeping up with your various AUs, and your latest one that features Kaya as Spider King has me really hyped because I want to learn more about Kaya, she's so fun! And Ruclipse is such a good comfort ship that just hits all the things I like seeing in a ship. You're so amazing and creative and it's awful that anyone would try to make you feel otherwise! Like your newest OC, Justin Tyme seems like such a lovable dumbass bastard. I love his wild, curly hair and his dapper outfit. I can't wait to see what dumb shit he gets himself into! I know this is really long and rambly, but I hope you know you have fans who genuinely love your work. I don't know if you're still thinking about that one comment you mentioned that got you really down, but honestly, fuck that guy. I don't know what they said but it must have been pure BS to have you doubting your hard earned art skills. I wish I could do more to prove you're awesome and that your fans really admire you, I just hope you don't stop sharing what you love because some rando was nasty for no good reason. Because we love what you do!

It's not like anyone one person nonny so please don't blame yourself. This has been an ongoing thing for a few months actually...

it's just a general thing over all lately like. I mentioned this in dm's with a friend but overall past few months I've had lower engagement overall with my works and it really does a number on my confidence. More so because like your latter point.

yes, I am still very much thinking about that one negative comment. Because that person also has the need to comment on other things and I even had a thing asking why I took a few weeks to update (when reality I posted to another ongoing fic and my TLC chapters are long chapters) and just the fact they could tear into a character (yes it was a comment on a character specifically and not even a main character it's a side character who has an important role for Snatcher's growth as a person down the line) then go saying "why didn't you update" when I posted a double update that week---

Like it lives in my head rent free and I want to literally cry because like the character is a focal in an upcoming chapter and I can't deal with another "why are they back" type thing. because "everyone finds them annoying"

And I'll be honest. it was Kaya. Like I've been trying to have fun with my BCU stuff with her as Spiderking because it's engaging for me and me and @/doodleimprovement even came up with a b-plot involving Kaya and Hattie trying to hook Nell and Marcus together and it's one of the best things as well as Kaya and Nell having a really good relationship.

but because of that one comment it makes me hesitant to do anything with Kaya despite she's one of my oldest ocs, my most thought out ocs and I adore her beyond anything. Like yes she's over powered and such and in TLC rn she comes off as a know it all, but upcoming chapters will show she's just a spacey kid who's trying to fit into a role others decided for her and isn't really as all mighty as she seems. Snatcher even ends up thinking of her as a little sister more than anything. Like fuck I'm even hesitant to share anything on her actual story despite how much work is in it. Like she's my favorite Oc (that's why shes my discord icon, and I'm pretty sure she's my twitter icon as well)

And like the points in the comment just. IDK they didn't fit to her, if anything the points are more suited to be shot at Eclipse.

Which is another thing I just get iffy on. I love RuClipse and everything with it. I love writing and drawing the dorks. But I'm now so afraid if Kaya could be attacked for only showing in a handful of chapters that don't even touch on who she is, when is someone going to finally tell me off on my wolf? who's going to tear into a character I pour a lot of personal shit into to try and comfort myself?

I use Ruclipse to deal with my own romantic heart, they are what I wish I could have so I love to write them, I hurt them but i like to make them happy in the end. Someone who can deal with your highs and lows. No ones perfect but you can still figure it out and love even the negative parts (I am a heavy romantic OTL)

he is in fact a lovable bastard. i have fun plans and he gives me an excuse for why Cel is so tired and having to be the brain cell and how she even wound up working with the time kids when she's so much older than they are. Currently I'm trying to think of how to use him and honestly I think he's gonna wind up hella comic relief fun guy who's just making a mess and do his own side story while Hat and Bow are busy in subcon----

thank you, I don't mind the rambly it kinda gave me a chance to get this off my chest... like I've typed this kinda response up time and time again and I always delete. I feel like I'm whining because I get upset but it's just, I spend so much time making things, I use all my spoons on either working or creating, I just want to know if it means anything but then negativity lives in my head because what's a functioning meat cube??? I try to stay positive but it's hard. Like another thing is Moon Guardian; the reason I haven't updated? because I have had someone bothering me about it. weekly I get asked about how I'm doing on it but it's not from a place of "want to read it" it's because I told them they couldn't post a certain thing until the chapter is done so it feels pressuring to constantly get asked because I feel the only reason they want to post is to boost their thing and I'm just the machine to boost it with my characters and comic.... like it feels they've taken the comic from me and it sucks because I have so many fun things planned. Like I accidentally went off on Nina about a thing with Alpine skyline and Eclipse as well as a thing with a Time Rift and a Jelly ghost.

Sorry kinda went off, just I've sat on this thought train since like early april. I've done my best to ignore it and just keep going but it's gotten really hard with the fact my health hasn't been really great. I've spent a lot of time lately bed bound because I just hurt so badly. if I'm not resting, I'm at my day job which is incredibly stressful rn as I only really work mornings and I see things that are being missed so then i report it and it still gets missed and i can't get it fixed after a point cuz we're back to full service and need the people so I can't nitpick but just.... I'm bitter okay like if I left this shit when I worked I would have gotten yelled at but now we just let it slide??? and this stresses me out which then causes my body to freak out because I'm stressed which puts me in more pain. and then like at work have people acting shocked I have my cane or soemthing and just skfdslkfksdf

so my energy is so tanked. and then the negative comment in my head, no idea if people like things cuz I have no idea if I hear nothing, just has had me doubting why post. Like I should go back to just not posting my stories and sketches or w/e and slink back to my hole like I was before.

idk Its just. a bad night in the house of bun. I've had these thoughts festering and I guess today was the dam breaking. It's probs cuz I'm nervous posting Chimeras because it's a very dark au.

[cocastyle]

Wonderwall - O N E

Pairing - Steve Harrington x reader

Word Count - 7,001

A/N - and here is the first official chapter of this series! sorry it took so long to put up! I’ve had a pretty busy couple of weeks and this past weeks has been one of the worst ones I’ve had in a long time. but writing always does make me feel better so I sat down and just wrote this! reminder that this is a slow burn so it’s gonna be a while before anything happened between the reader and Steve, but for now, their friendship will be growing to help build a foundation for their future relationship. anyways, I hope you all like this :))

if you would like to be added to the series tag list, let me know!

W O N D E R W A L L

Intro Prologue Season One 1 2

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1 | The Vanishing of Will Byers [Part 1]

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November 1983

Stares. Everywhere she walked, all she could feel and see were the stares. It was like everyone in the school had their eyes trained on the girl which wasn't really hard to believe. After all, she was the talk of the town.

Y/N Marie Hopper, the girl who had been hospitalized for three months and whose parents were dead while her brother was missing. Not to mention it was her first official day of school at Hawkins High.

She was the new girl who every single one of them had seen plastered in the news on repeat and who had even had a full page article devoted to the horrible accident that had taken place months before.

Y/N tried to ignore the gazes and was pretty much successful, but it was the whispering that got to her. It was an annoying buzzing in her ear that never went away as she moved down the hall and all she could do was just keep her head low as she made her way to her locker.

Her breathing was a little shaky as she walked and everyone could see the way her hands gripped onto the straps of her backpack like her life depended on it, her knuckles pale from how hard her grip was.

For a moment, Y/N felt like she was back walking the school hallways of her middle school. However, back then she had Thomas by her side.

"I don't know about this, Thomas. They're all staring," Y/N whispered as she glanced at her twin before letting her eyes flicker around the hallway and at the few gazes being sent in their direction.

Thomas looked down at his sister and ran a hand through his messy brown hair before giving the girl a small smile, the kind of smile of his that warmed her heart and made her feel safe.

"It's going to be okay, Y/N," Thomas assured her with a small laugh. "Trust me. They don't care."

"I don't know. I mean. . .how am I supposed to survive when we don't even have any classes together?" Y/N asked, her eyes wide as she looked at her brother in fright.

"Y/N," Thomas sighed. "You're going to be okay. It's not like I won't see you forever. It's only for a couple of periods and then I'll see you at lunch."

"But-" Y/N began, but she was cut off by her twin suddenly stopping in front of a room that she quickly realized was her first class of the day. Her eyes widened and she glanced at Thomas who gave her a tiny smile as he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Before she could blink, the boy had leaned forward to press a small kiss to her forehead in goodbye. "You're going to be fine," Thomas assured her before winking at the girl. "I'll see you later, okay?"

Then, before Y/N could protest, Thomas was walking down the hall and towards his own first period, leaving the girl to stare after him as she whispered softly, "Bye."

Y/N blinked a few times to rid herself of the memory, her eyes pricking with tears at the thought of her brother. She would give anything to have him by her side right now. All the teasing and the annoying jokes, she would go through it every day just to see her brother's face and to feel the warmth of his smile once again.

The girl managed to get rid of her tears by the time she had reached her locker and she gulped slightly as she moved to put in her combination, hundreds of eyes staring at her as she did.

Y/N hesitated for a second before looking over her shoulder and at the people staring at her. It was then that their trance seemed to break and everyone was quick to look away while Y/N rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her locker.

The girl let out a huff of frustration when the locker refused to open and she yanked on her locker a few times before letting out a groan and leaning her forehead against the cold metal in defeat.

"Need some help?" a voice inquired, a hint of amusement in their tone.

Y/N froze before slowly standing back up, her gaze instantly locking on the boy that stood in front of her. He radiated confidence as he leaned against the lockers with a smile on his face, an eyebrow raised in amusement while his brown eyes flickered over her face. He ran a hand through his voluminous chocolate locks and titled his head slightly in question. It was then that Y/N remembered that he had asked her something.

"Oh," Y/N said, her face reddening slightly as she looked down. "Uh, yes. . .please."

The boy gave her a small smile before turning to the locker. Y/N watched in silence as he jiggled the lock three times before turning and hitting his elbow against the metal just right, the locker door instantly popping open and making the young girl look at him in surprise.

"Woah. How did you-?" she trailed off as she looked at the boy surprised.

"I had this locker last year," the boy explained with a shrug.

"Well thank you," Y/N said as she nodded at the boy in thanks. She then took her backpack off and began to unpack some of the things she didn't need at the moment while the boy watched her curiously.

"I'm Steve. Steve Harrington," the boy finally decided to say, licking his chapped lips while Y/N stood up. He gave her a curious look and titled his head as if he were trying to figure her out. "And you are?"

Y/N wouldn't lie and say she wasn't surprised that Steve didn't know who she was because she was, but something about knowing that the boy didn't know about her or her past made her smile.

"I'm Y/N. Y/N Hopper," she said with a smile before zipping up her backpack and grabbing her schedule which she had placed inside her locker. She then closed her locker door before looking at Steve who had a look of shock on his face. Y/N internally winced. So he did know who she was.

"Hopper?" Steve questioned while Y/N hesitantly nodded her head. "Like Officer Hopper?"

"Yeah, he's my uncle," Y/N explained, her shoulders relaxing slightly once she realized Steve might actually not know who she is.

"Sounds like fun," Steve joked earning a small laugh from Y/N, a sound she hadn't heard leave her lips since the accident.

"He's not that bad," Y/N assured him before she glanced down at her schedule. "Shit. Um. . .do you happen to know where Mr. Barkley's room is? He teaches English."

"Yeah, I know where Barkley is. Actually, his class just happens to be next to mine so I'll just walk you there if you don't mind," Steve said, a small smile on his face.

Y/N couldn't help but smile back, thankful to have met one nice person within her first five minutes at Hawkins High. "That would be great. Thank you," Y/N sighed in relief before she fell into line beside Steve.

As they walked down the hallway, Y/N got more stares than usual. However, she didn't seem to notice since she was too busy focusing on what Steve was telling her. He basically gave her a rundown of the school and all the important people that she needed to know or avoid as they walked down the hall and by the time they had reached her classroom, Y/N felt like she knew more about the people around her than they did about herself.

"Here's Barkley's room, so I guess I'll leave you to it," Steve said as he turned to the girl. "Maybe I'll see you around?"

"Maybe," Y/N joked before giving the boy a small smile. "Thanks again, Steve."

"Anytime, Y/N," Steve said before the two nodded at each other in goodbye. Y/N then disappeared into her class while Steve stared after her curiously. He could tell something was off with the way she held herself and her name sounded so familiar, but he just couldn't put a finger on it.

"Yo, Steve!" a voice exclaimed as a hand came down onto his shoulder. Steve jumped slightly in surprise before turning to see his best friend Tommy Hagan standing there with a confused look on his face as well as a smile.

"Oh, hey, man," Steve greeted as he turned his attention towards the boy, already forgetting about Y/N.

"What were you doing with the new girl? You do know who she is, right?" Tommy questioned, looking both confused and intrigued.

Steve gave the boy an exasperated look as he sighed and asked, "What are you talking about?"

"That's Y/N Hopper, man. She's the girl whose family got in that huge wreck on the outskirts of town. Her parents died and her brother has been missing ever since. She only just got cleared from the hospital like two weeks ago," Tommy explained while a look of realization flickered across Steve's face.

That was why she had seemed so familiar. Because she was the one he had seen all over the news about a month ago. He frowned slightly and looked back towards the door Y/N had walked through moments before, a feeling of guilt and sadness washing over him as he sympathized for the girl.

The bell ringing brought Steve back out of his thoughts and his eyes widened as he looked down to his watch. "Aw, man," Tommy sighed. "Listen I've got to get to class, but—Wait. Don't you have class like on the other side of school?"

"Yep," Steve muttered with a huff before patting Tommy's shoulder. "See you later, man."

And with that, Steve Harrington bolted down the hallway and towards his class which wasn't in the room right beside Y/N’s like he had told her, but was in fact all the way on the other side of the school.

Steve never would understand why he had decided to walk Y/N to class that day when he could've just as easily told her where it was, but in all honesty he didn't even care that he was late to class that day.

- - -

Y/N stared blankly at the class in front of her, twenty or so sets of eyes locked onto her as everyone waited expectantly for her to speak. Being her first day of school and having come in towards the end of the first semester, Mr. Barkley had thought it would be best if she introduced herself to the class. Y/N hadn't even had time to object before she was shoved to the front of the class, leaving her in the predicament she was in now.

"Uh. . .hi," Y/N finally said, her voice coming out small and slightly frightened. Taking in a deep breath, the girl gripped her notebook a little harder and continued. "I'm Y/N Hopper and I just moved here from Kentucky. I don't exactly know what else to say, so yeah."

The class just stared at her with wide eyes, some of them whispering to each other and making her eyes prickle slightly as she tried not to cry. Y/N knew that they all knew who she was and she could tell by the whispers that nothing they said about her was good.

"Very good. Well, welcome to Hawkins, Miss Hopper," Mr. Barkley said as he walked up and placed a gently hand on the girl's shoulder. His eyes scanned over the classroom before he smiled and looked to the girl. "You can go take a seat next to Nancy Wheeler." He then gestured towards an area where a girl waved ever so slightly.

Y/N nodded and kept her head low as she moved across the classroom and to the empty desk that would now end up being her own. She sat down and was instantly met with the brown haired girl that had waved at her and a short read head girl turning to look at her.

"Hi. As Mr. Barkley said, I'm Nancy and this is Barb," the brunette said, blue eyes staring back at her intently. Y/N couldn't help but notice how flawless the girl looked and she mentally frowned, suddenly feeling more self conscious than before.

"You said your name was Y/N, right?" the red head, Barb, asked. Her brown eyes flickered between Nancy and herself behind a pair of thick glasses and she gave her the tiniest of smiles while Y/N stared at her freckled face a little alarmed.

Y/N quickly cleared her throat and sat up more before nodding, "Uh, yeah."

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Y/N," Nancy smiled. Her eyes flickered over the girl's face before she gave her a slight questioning gaze, "Are you already planning on sitting with anyone at lunch?"

"Not yet," Y/N said, her voice small as her shyness began to take over. She usually didn't have to deal with it, but without Thomas by her side to speak for her, it was like she was curling back up into her shell.

"Well you should totally sit with us. We have an empty seat and we would love to have you," Nancy told her while Y/N looked at her in surprise. They wanted her to sit with them?

"Please say yes," Barb pleaded. "I could use someone to help save me from the third wheeling I'm doing at the table with Nancy and her boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend," Nancy practically hissed at the girl before noticing Y/N’s wide eyed stare. "But yes, please say you'll sit with us."

Y/N was silent for a moment as she processed all that was going on. Her gaze shifted between the two girls and their warm smiles were enough to have her shoulders relax slightly. She didn't even know what she was doing before she nodded ever so slightly and whispered, "Yeah, okay."

Nancy and Barb's smiles widened and they began to whisper to each other and to Y/N while Mr. Barkley rambled on about a new book the class would be reading starting the following week.

Y/N couldn't help but smile softly at the two girls and their excitement before she remained silent the rest of class. So far the people at Hawkins High were really nice and maybe, just maybe, she would end up liking it here.

- - -

School proved to be harder than she thought it was going to be. It's not that the classes were hard for her, which they weren't seeing as Y/N had been an A plus type of student since she first walked into a school. No, it was the being alone with her thoughts that were getting to her.

Having no one to listen to except for her teachers who lectured about topics she already knew meant it was quite easy for the young girl's mind to drift off into space. That was the worst possible thing that could happen to her since all she could think about were her parents and her brother.

She kept seeing the accident—the shattered glass, the blood dripping from her parents, and the door on Thomas' side of the car shaking in the breeze. She could still smell it all—the sharp scent of metallic that had seemed to punch her straight in the gut, the smell of gasoline that had mixed with the blood in the air to create a combination that Y/N would never forget.

It was all she could think about and every time she blinked it was like she was back in the car, watching in horror as the car flipped in the air and her family's screams rattled in her head.

Every class of the day ended with Y/N snapping out of her thoughts by the ringing of the bell, her hands gripping onto the edges of her desk so tightly that her knuckles were white. She left every class in a hurry, not giving anyone the chance to talk to her in fear that they might mention the accident that she knew they were dying to question her about.

A school day had never felt as long as that one and it was only when everyone began to shove past the girl and towards the cafeteria that Y/N realized it was time for lunch and she was only half way through her day.

The girl was shaking as she walked into the lunchroom, the whole room falling silent at the sight of her before the faint sound of whispering filled her ears. It took all in the girl to not break down right there and her heart ached for her brother who would've been by her side.

Y/N hadn't even realized that her breathing was starting to pick up or that her heart was beating so fast that it could've jumped out of her chest. It wasn't until a cheerful voice called out her name that she snapped out of it and it was like her breath was caught in her throat as the young girl turned to the person who had called out to her.

There Nancy Wheeler sat, a big smile on her face as she waved at the girl from where she sat at a table with her friends. Y/N stared at her like a deer caught in headlights and Nancy gave her a sympathetic smile before quickly getting up from her table and walking over to the girl.

"You're still sitting with us, right?" Nancy asked as she walked over to the girl, instantly locking their arms together and causing everyone to finally pull their eyes away from Y/N Hopper.

Y/N’s mouth opened and closed for a minute as she tried to find the right words to say. Unable to find any, the girl just nodded and Nancy sent her a sweet smile before pulling her towards the lunch table.

"Guys," Nancy announced as she walked up to her friends, "this is Y/N. She's going to sit with us today."

A chorus of 'hi's filled the air and Y/N smiled back weakly, her eyes flickering over the group. She noticed Barb who was smiling back at her before her eyes glanced over two people, a couple by the looks of it, who she didn't know. But then she caught sight of the last person and her smile became just slightly more genuine at the sight of Steve Harrington sitting there, an amused look on his face as he stared at Y/N in curiosity,

"Y/N, you already know Barb, but this is Tommy Hagan, Carol Perkins, and Steve Harrington," Nancy introduced, not knowing that Y/N had already met one of the three. Y/N nodded weakly in greeting before Nancy was pulling her down into the empty seat she had saved next to Barb.

Y/N set her lunchbox down on the table before shyly looking up at the group. To her surprise, Nancy sat down beside Steve who smiled at the girl before pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head, an action that made Nancy blush.

"So, Y/N," Steve said, snapping the girl out of her thoughts as he turned his attention away from Nancy and towards her. "How's your first day been?"

Y/N gulped slightly, knowing that the only reason it had been bad was because she couldn't stop thinking about her brother and her parents. Not wanting to explain, the girl merely shrugged before whispering, "It's been okay, I guess."

Y/N could practically feel the sets of eyes on her and glanced to her left to see Carol and Tommy staring at her with both curious and judgmental looks in their eyes.

Carol's icy blue eyes seemed to be staring straight into her soul as she twirled a piece of her red hair that had fallen in front of her pale face with her fingers. She blew a small bubble with the gum she was chewing and it popped before she asked in a bored tone, "You're Hopper's niece, aren't you? The one everyone's been talking about?"

Y/N paled slightly, her stomach growing a bit queasy at those words. "Uh. . .y-y-yeah, Hopper's my uncle. I don't know about the whole everybody talking about me thing," Y/N admitted as she shyly looked down at her fingers as she messed with the small piece of thread that was hanging from her shirt sleeve.

"Don't say that. You're all anyone can talk about!" Tommy exclaimed causing Y/N to glance at him and take in his freckled appearance. His brown eyes were filled with mischief as he looked at her, the slight look of amusement making his lips turn up into a smirk. "I mean, with the whole accident and all, how could anyone not talk about you?"

Y/N froze at that, her body becoming rigid as her hands balled together. "W-W-What?" she whispered, her voice barely audible to the group and causing Steve to frown as his eyes narrowed in his friend's direction.

"What even happened anyways? Your Pops not know how to drive or something?" Carol asked as she glanced at her nails in disinterest.

"Babe, the brother is the one you should be asking about," Tommy pointed out as he nudged his girlfriend before wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He then glanced at Y/N. "What happened to him anyways? He's been missing for a couple of months now, right?"

They were being insensitive about the topic and everyone at the table knew it. It was as if they were purposely trying to get Y/N to leave and the girl could barely handle the questions being thrown her way, her face growing paler by the minute as her eyes began to gloss over.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" Tommy questioned in amusement.

"It's no use, Tommy. He's probably dead anyways," Carol muttered and that was enough to make Y/N grab her things and jump out of her seat.

"Y/N-" Nancy began as she went to reach out for the girl, but the girl was already bolting out of the cafeteria, not caring that all eyes were once again on her.

Tommy and Carol watched her leave with small smirks on their faces before turning back around towards the table to find Nancy, Barb, and Steve glaring at them. It was that fact that Steve was glaring at them that had them furrow their eyebrows in confusion and ask, "What?"

In the hallway, Y/N was desperately trying to keep her cool, biting her lip just to hold back a sob as she shoved past people and tried to find the nearest bathroom. It wasn't long before she found it and luckily for her there was no one inside.

Y/N was quick to walk in, slamming the door shut behind her and leaning against the closed door as she let out a small sob. Tears began to stream down her face and Y/N mentally cursed herself for being so weak and for allowing a few questions like that to affect her so much.

It was like the more she tried to calm herself down, the more she couldn't breath. So Y/N stumbled over to the sink, her hands instantly gripping onto the cool metal as she shakily breathed in and out. Her whole body was shaking from her sobs and she squeezed her eyes shut only to see the car accident replaying in her head.

Her eyes instantly shot open and she looked up at herself in the mirror. She didn't even recognize the person staring back at her. For the girl she remembered being was totally different from the broken girl that stared back at her.

She watched as her reflection's lips began to quiver, her eyes filling with more tears as she realized just how alone she was. All she wanted was her family back. . .She wanted her brother back.

The bathroom door opening was enough to make Y/N straighten up, forcing herself to hide just how broken she was as she quickly wiped the tears away from her face. She couldn't do anything about the red of her eyes or the tear stains on her sleeves, so Y/N pretended as if nothing was wrong as she turned to glance at the newcomer.

She saw Nancy peaking her head out from around the corner and Y/N sighed before turning away now embarrassed, sniffing slightly as she took her sleeves and began to dab around her eyes. Nancy took this as a sign that she could come in, so the girl stepped into the bathroom and made sure the door closed behind her before standing behind Stephanie.

A silence fell among the two and Y/N continued to face away from Nancy, silently wondering why the girl had followed her to the bathroom. She didn't actually care, did she?

"Tommy and Carol are assholes," Nancy finally said, the sudden statement being enough to make Y/N chuckle weakly as she nodded her head in agreement. She didn't speak as she heard Nancy walk towards her before a soft hand was placed on her shoulder.

It took Y/N a minute before she finally allowed herself to turn her gaze towards Nancy. She was expecting the same pitied look most people gave her, but was surprised when she was only met with a kind smile and curious eyes. But what surprised her even more was when Nancy asked, "Would you want to come over tonight? We can get to know each other and you could even spend the night if you want."

Y/N would be lying if she said she wasn't surprised by Nancy's question because she was so shocked that she about chocked on the air she was breathing. "You. . .you don't even know me," Y/N pointed out a little harshly, her eyebrows furrowing.

She instantly realized how rude she was after receiving an invitation that no one had ever offered her before, not even her old friends back home, and winced. "I could be a murderer," Y/N quickly added, hoping to lighten the mood with her small joke.

Nancy chuckled softly and shrugged as she said, "That's a risk I'm willing to take." She then let her eyes flicker over the girl and the look was enough to make Y/N blink in surprise at the amount of worry and care in her eyes. "Besides, you look like you could use a little time away from home."

Y/N wasn't quite sure how Nancy knew that or how she managed to make her relax, but she did and Y/N even found herself smiling. It may have been a sad smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. "You don't know how right you are," Y/N admitted in such a small voice that Nancy felt her heart ache for the girl.

"So you'll come over?" Nancy questioned, perking up slightly as she gave the girl a hopeful look.

Y/N was silent for a moment as she allowed her eyes to flicker across Nancy's face, looking for any sign of hesitance or to see if she got a feeling that Nancy was hiding something. What she was met with was the same feeling she got when she was around her brother—a feeling that made Y/N realize that maybe someone actually cared.

How that was possible after having only known Nancy for half a day would always stun Y/N, but in that moment she wanted nothing more than to push that question aside and accept the hand that was being offered to her.

After all, a night away from her uncle and the house that was way too empty for her liking was exactly what she needed.

Y/N was silent as she nodded and Nancy let out a small squeal before rushing forward and hugging her in excitement. The girl didn't have time to even blink before Nancy was pulling away to give Y/N her address.

Y/N blinked in response but smiled softly as she said, "I'll have to tell my uncle and he won't get home until after dinner, but I'll head over right after that."

"Sounds like a plan," Nancy grinned as she linked her arm with Y/N’s. "Now come on. Let's go eat outside, shall we?"

With that, the two girls walked out of the bathroom together side by side. And for the first time since the accident, Y/N felt happy.

- - -

A small shiver sent down the girl's back had Y/N halting in place as she closed her eyes, the shudder racking her body while the cold breeze blew against her. It was almost winter so Y/N understood why it would be as cold as it was, but boy did she long for summer where she didn't have to worry about freezing to death. Not that boiling was much better.

Once she had collected herself, Y/N opened up her eyes once again and stuck her tongue out as she concentrated on lining the flyer just right that she could put a staple at the top. Once the staple had dug its way into the wood of the post, Y/N put another staple at the bottom of the flyer before taking a step back.

Her eyes flickered over the flyer, hesitating slightly on the picture of her brother before she gulped at the big black words that read 'Missing.' She could feel her throat starting to constrict, a sign that tears were on their way, so Y/N was quick to look away and begin walking down the street.

She stopped wherever she could find a place to put up the flyer about her brother's disappearance. It was the next best option for finding the boy, even if everyone knew who he was now that he was a part of the biggest news story the town had ever seen.

That wasn't enough to stop her from making the flyers and hanging them up though. Y/N just had a feeling that if she kept him in the minds of others through her flyers, then maybe. . .just maybe, if someone happened to see him, they would call. Maybe Thomas would be found.

Y/N had reached a new post and struggled to get a flyer from the giant stack she was carrying without dropping the others or the stapler. Before she knew it, a small pair of hands had grabbed the stack for her, holding it out so that she could grab the top flyer without trouble.

The young girl hesitated as she took the flyer before letting her gaze fall on the young thirteen year old boy standing before her. His big brown eyes stared at her from below his bowl cut and his bright smile was just barely brighter than the orange vest that hugged his small frame. He had a small sparkle in his eyes that made Y/N relax slightly and she gave the boy a small look before whispering, "Thank you."

The boy's smile widened and Y/N stared at him one last time before turning and stapling the flyer onto the post in front of her. It was then that she turned back towards the boy, gently taking the pile of flyers from him as he stared up at her.

"I'm Will," the boy finally said, his smile wide as he held out a hand.

"Y/N," she replied, a hint of amusement in her voice as she shook the boy's hand. "Thanks for your help."

"It's no problem," Will assured her with a small shrug. "I was just waiting for my brother to finish up in the store anyways and thought I be more useful helping you rather than standing there watching you struggle."

Y/N chuckled softly and nodded at the boy. "Well, I appreciate it," she told him.

"You know," Will began as he let his eyes flicker over to the flyer. "Your brother's lucky to have someone like you. If I went missing, I hope someone would try looking for me as hard as you are for Thomas."

Y/N didn't know why the words hit her as hard as they did, but her eyes teared up slightly as she looked at the kind boy. "Thank you," she whispered again while Will just smiled at her.

He then glanced back at the store that Y/N assumed his brother was in and sighed before saying, "I wish my brother would hurry up. I was supposed to be at my friend's house ten minutes ago. We're about to start a new campaign for our Dungeons and Dragons game and I cannot miss it."

Y/N perked up slightly at that, a smile on her face as she looked at the boy in amazement. "Dungeons and Dragons? I love that game," she told him.

Will's eyes lit up and he practically jumped with joy as he asked, "Really?"

Y/N nodded and gave the boy a look of disbelief as she said, "It's only the best game of all time."

Will's smile grew and he opened his mouth to talk more when a voice suddenly yelled out, "Will!" The two fell quiet as they looked over to see a boy around Y/N’s age walking out of the store and towards the two.

"Will, you can't just walk out on me like that," the boy sighed while Will gave him a sheepish look.

"I'm sorry, but I was just trying to help Y/N," Will explained as he gestured towards the girl. His brother's gaze then flickered over to Y/N as if he hadn't noticed her before and his eyes widened slightly, something that told Y/N he knew exactly who she was.

"Hi," Y/N greeted as she held a hand out. "Your brother was just helping me put up a flyer which I am extremely thankful for. I'm Y/N Hopper."

"Jonathan Byers," the boy said with a small nod as he shook the girl's hand a little hesitantly. "You're the new girl, right? I think you're in my history class."

Y/N nodded at that and smiled once she realized that Jonathan was in fact in her history class. She was pretty sure he sat two rows behind her actually. They obviously hadn't talked, but she had caught a glimpse of him when their teacher made her introduce herself in front of the class.

Jonathan gave the girl a sad smile as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'm sorry about your brother," he whispered, the pity in his voice making Y/N inhale sharply.

"Oh," Y/N whispered as she shuffled awkwardly in place. "Thanks."

Will frowned once he realized the girl's sudden mood change and watched as she glanced at her flyers. He could tell she wanted to continue putting them up so that she could find her brother, so Will quickly tugged on his brother's sleeve and said, "Jonathan, we need to go. I'm already late!"

Jonathan sighed and glanced down at his little brother before looking up at Y/N and giving her a small nod. "Uh. . .I'll see you at school I guess," Jonathan said, although both knew they probably wouldn't talk to each other.

"Yeah, of course. It was nice meeting you both and thank you for helping, Will," Y/N said as she sent the younger boy a small smile in his direction.

Will quickly returned it before grabbed his brother's hand and beginning to drag him away. "Bye, Y/N! Maybe next time I see you, we can play Dungeons and Dragons!" Will exclaimed with a wave, but Y/N didn't have time to response before Will had already pulled Jonathan out of hearing range.

Y/N stared in the direction Jonathan and Will had gone before smiling softly and looking down at the flyers in her hands. It was at the sight of her brother's picture that she remembered why she was out there and the young girl let out a small sigh before continuing on her way down the street.

This was going to take a while.

- - -

Y/N didn't get home until after dinner, but thankfully her uncle wasn't home yet which meant she didn't have to explain why she was out for so long.

It's not that she wanted to hide it from her uncle, but sometimes just not talking about anything related to the accident, her parents, or her brother was easier. Jim Hopper wasn't the best when it came to feelings and the two both knew it, especially now that Y/N had been living with him for the past couple of months.

The girl couldn't even find it in herself to eat dinner, so she merely took an apple from the kitchen before heading to her room to pack a few things for the night at Nancy's. She was just putting a change of clothes into her bag when the front door opened up. She could hear the sound of her uncle's footsteps as he walked into the house and let out a loud sigh, the relief of finally being home evident.

She knew it wouldn't be long before he came to check on her, so she wasn't surprised when she heard a small knock on her door a couple of minutes later before Hopper's voice called out, "Kid?"

"Come in," Y/N said before she heard her door creak open. She glanced back in time to see her uncle take off his hat as he stepped inside and the two made eye contact for a split second before Y/N turned back around and continued packing her bag.

Hopper furrowed his eyebrows and watched the girl silently before finally asking, "You going somewhere?"

"This girl in my class offered for me to spend the night," Y/N said, the surprise evident in her voice. She hesitated before looking back at Hopper. "But I'll go only if it's okay with you. Do you mind?"

"No," Hopper said a little too quickly, his eyes wide as he stared at his niece. "No, not at all. You can go." In all honesty, if it had been under any other circumstance, he probably would've told her to stay home. But this was his niece he was talking about and he had always had a soft spot for her. And the fact that one of Y/N’s new friends was already wanting to get to know her more and inviting her over for a sleepover was enough to make him feel happy for the kid. "Who. . .who is it?"

"Her name is Nancy Wheeler," Y/N explained and Hopper nodded, already knowing who the girl was and knowing that her family would keep Y/N safe for the night.

A silence followed the two as Y/N turned and went to grab the last item for her bag. Hopper watched her as she hesitated, her fingers dancing across a dark green sweatshirt that he knew had belonged to Thomas. It wasn't a surprise that Y/N had it. She had always been stealing Thomas' sweatshirts since the two were kids and now that he was missing, she couldn't go anywhere without one of his sweatshirts hidden in her bag and wrapped around her tightly.

Hopper let his eyes flicker up to his niece's face and he smiled sadly at the sight of her utter sadness that crossed her face. Letting out a small sigh, Hopper began to walk towards her as he whispered, "Kid."

Y/N instantly snapped out of whatever trance she had been in and grabbed Thomas' sweatshirt before stuffing it into her bag. She had zipped up the backpack before Hopper could even blink and turned to him with a haunted look in her eyes. "I'm already late, so I'll just head on over I guess. I'll see you tomorrow after you get home from work, okay?" Y/N said a little rushed before she went to speed past her uncle.

Hopper sighed, not surprised by the girl's reaction. She usually did this when she knew he wanted to talk about the accident and Thomas. Not wanting to talk about it, she always found some excuse or pretended to be too busy at the moment to talk to him. But Hopper knew she was going to break one day and a part of him was always afraid it would happen when he wasn't around.

"I can drive you," Hoper suggested, but Y/N instantly tensed in response and blurted out, "No!"

A heavy silence fell among the two and Y/N sighed before relaxing her shoulders and turning to look at Hopper. "I mean, no, thank you. I can just walk," she assured him.

Hopper stared at her in silence for a moment before hesitantly nodding his head, not liking that she wanted to walk alone all the way to Nancy's house, but knowing he wouldn't be able to get her into the car. Not after what had happened.

"Okay, then. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. You be safe, okay? Call me if you need anything," Hopper told her.

Y/N nodded and gave the man a weak smile. "Will do. Thanks, Uncle Jim," she said before turning and quickly walking out of the house. Hopper stared after her silently before letting out a soft sigh and turning to go change out of his work clothes.

From the other side of the front door stood Y/N who was taking in a few deep breaths to try and calm herself down. She was quick to take off her backpack and unzip it before pulling the green sweatshirt out. It was only when she had Thomas' sweatshirt wrapped around her frame that she felt herself relax.

She allowed herself to stand there for a moment, basking in the feeling of Thomas' sweatshirt wrapped around her like a hug as his scent lingered in the air. It was then that she pulled out the small slip of paper she had put in her pocket that held the address and directions to Nancy's house.

And with that, Y/N began her walk to Nancy's house, totally and blissfully unaware of the events that would occur that night after she went to bed.

* * *

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[honeybee-babe]

How can you excuse all of the abusive things Luther has done to his siblings (especially Klaus) throughout the series? And don't pull the "he was drunk" card. And without implying that Luther locking up Vanya isn't intentionally cruel or intended to hurt her? He has the ability to think logically, unlike Vanya he isn't experiencing a literal psychotic break down.... Please, explain this to me logically. Thanks.

~ wowowowowowow i clenched my jaw all night thinking about this ask~~

Yikes. You’re not asking me why I “excuse his actions” (I don’t), you’re asking why I see him as a human being with flaws and trauma which need to be addressed rather than the literal devil. And why I don’t think he is irredeemable based on a few terrible choices (when he has also made some great ones and showed affection for his siblings in the past). I honestly think people hate Luther because it’s easier to have clearly good characters and clearly bad characters, even in a show that actively and artfully avoids that dichotomy.

Why do you care that I like Luther? I’m not bashing your faves or causing any harm to you? I am not trying to tell you to like him or convince you he is a great character. I know he has flaws. 

But if you really want to know how I “excuse all his actions” (which…. I don’t?), I’ll humor you, but I’m answering the question you’re really asking:

Why Do You Not Despise Luther?:

This response is really longwinded but THIS QUESTION IS REALLY OVER-SIMPLIFYING(!!!) so I feel it’s warranted.

First, I’m gonna address the “abusive things Luther has done to his siblings throughout the series:”

I am not excusing any of the things Luther “does to his siblings,” I’m just saying we should extend the same amount of courtesy to him in sympathizing with him and understanding the motive behind his actions (just like we all do with Vanya). And also consider the fact that he is deeply traumatized and has literally been gaslit his entire life into thinking he has to follow a specific model that was set out for him as “leader.” Literally he has been taught that he is nothing without the UA and being a leader, and I don’t think people release how damaging that is to a person?

But also hot take: I don’t think Luther is abusive towards his siblings at all? Not until the last two episodes for sure. I think he is insensitive towards others’ emotions at times, but he is never cruel just for the sake of being cruel. I honestly think Luther is incapable of picking up on emotional cues to some extent.

I’m re-watching right now, I just finished episode 7 and I have yet to see any signs of him being abusive towards the others, and not Klaus specifically? The choking scene was vile and physically violent but I don’t think it’s abusive because it was a one time thing and abuse is a cycle. Luther isn’t particularly awful to Klaus, he is just dismissive? The only person he ever is really verbally mean to is Diego when they get into fights and Diego is just as bad if not worse, and also intentionally tries to get an emotional rise out of Luther (which is…. just as awful and cruel?).

But yeah I finished episode 7 and no abuse so far… maybe my dumb ass who was abused for my whole life just doesn’t understand what abuse looks like? Okay that’s kind of a joke but I’m actually being serious, my abuse is pretty similar to Luther’s and my body dysmorphia/eating issues are similar to his too which is a lot of why I resonate with him, so I could be missing signs because I’ve probably acted the same way. So please point out to me where specifically he committed an act of abuse, and not a one time act of violence or simply being dismissive of/not picking up on someone’s emotional needs.

Also I honestly think Luther is just in denial of others’ emotional needs because he is in denial of his own emotional needs. He has been taught to push everything down, including the needs of others, with the only goal being completing the mission, and protecting everyone/leading everyone to safety. Also I mean, he hasn’t been around human beings for 4 years (so of course he struggles to relate to them/communicate healthily), and he was always taught not to engage with his siblings but just to lead them because that was his role.

Also Klaus and Diego (especially Diego) are just as dismissive of Luther’s trauma? And like yeah Luther covers it up but it’s pretty freaking obvious…pointing out how big he is specifically.

Diego literally sees Luther shirtless after the chandelier falls on him, sees how self-conscious he clearly is, and then never asks about it or checks on him (yet continues to joke about it – also Klaus makes fun of his muscles when he first sees him which is just insensitive). And in the first episode the way Klaus jokes around during the family meeting about cucumber sandwiches when Luther is trying to plan a memorial service; it’s obvious that Luther is grieving and paranoid (and also that he has been manipulated enough to love Reginald!!!) and Klaus is just making jokes and not addressing this? And then they both just ignore his obvious paranoia over Reginald’s death and just call him crazy and walk away? And don’t use the “he was high” excuse for Klaus being a prick (just like I can’t use the ‘he was drunk’ excuse for Luther, which I never did once btw, y’all just want more justification 2 hate on him).

Also: Yes, Luther tells Diego to stop talking shit about Reginald at the memorial service but like, from his perspective, that is someone bashing the person he was closest to AT HIS FUNERAL!!! He starts the fight with Diego but only after Diego provoked him, clearly intentionally, and Diego continues to fight him and throws a fucking knife at his arm (but physical violence is only not okay when Luther uses it right?).

Also HUGE THING Y'ALL ARE IGNORING: Klaus finds out Luther had nonconsensual sex while drugged out of his mind and congratulates him………. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk about you but I think Klaus has been around the block when it comes to drugs and sex (and consent) and should realize that someone on drugs for the first time losing their virginity is nonconsensual, or even if considered consensual still pretty icky? Like Luther is clearly ashamed and upset and doesn’t want to talk about it and Klaus just laughs abt it. That is so not cool.

And another thing:

Luther is very, very protective of Five which is so so sweet, yet people just completely overlook it because they only want to see the bad things he’s done. When he and Allison run into him in the hallway at the end of Run Boy Run and see him looking distressed Luther asks him in a soft voice, “Are you okay? Can we help?” and reaches out to touch Five’s face. Five grabs his hand to stop him but this was very sweet? Like it’s clear Luther has a soft spot for him because he’s small.

But Diego? After he finds out about Patch he bursts into his apartment and goes to attack Five; Luther has to pick him up to restrain him from beating up their brother who has the body of a 13 year old. All because he blames him for the death of the love of his life (just like Luther is afraid of Vanya after she killed Allison). But in Diego’s case, Patch is already dead; Diego only wants to hurt Five out of vengeance, not because he’s trying to protect Patch. And he doesn’t apologize or anything after????? It’s just never brought up again!

SO IN TERMS OF LUTHER BEING AWFUL TO KLAUS THE WHOLE SEASON: is he? is he really? is he really abusive? and is he really that much worse than his other siblings?

And now I’ll address this nonsense:

“And without implying that Luther locking up Vanya isn’t intentionally cruel or intended to hurt her? He has the ability to think logically, unlike Vanya he isn’t experiencing a literal psychotic break down…. Please, explain this to me logically. Thanks.“

…….sigh.

Luther is absolutely not being intentionally cruel or doing this to “punish” Vanya, he’s doing this because he’s freaking the fuck out and doesn’t have any idea what she might do. Yes it’s a bad idea but we need to keep in mind that he’s not thinking logically, he is emotionally distressed. Yes he could talk to her but Allison had just tried to do that…. and look where the fuck that got her?

Do you seriously believe Luther was mentally stable and thinking logically in this moment? Do you not realize he was literally going through a breakdown and identity crisis of his own?

He just found out maybe two days ago that his entire life was a lie and the person whose approval he sought the most didn’t give a shit about him, found out he was isolated from humanity for no reason (which….. as if being isolated in itself wasn’t traumatic enough), after he was mutilated against his will, and now he has just witnessed the person he loves most almost die and he couldn’t do anything about it. Luther is experiencing a breakdown and I think a big part of it is control: he realizes he’s had no agency his whole life/has never had control, he just lost control/agency over his body on drugs even more and had nonconsensual sex while intoxicated, and then after this he sees Allison dying and he can’t do anything to help her (he can’t even give his blood)!!!! His superstrength and locking up Vanya is the only thing he has control over, he feels it’s all he can do to prevent the apocalypse/protect everyone. 

Not only that but the idea of control as contol over powers: Luther has super strength, he has to be super careful and controlled all the time so he doesn’t accidentally hurt the people he loves… the thought of someone’s powers being out of control is probably the scariest thing in the world to him. And yes, he gets in fights with Diego but he doesnt use his full strength (just like Diego doesn’t either) because if they did then they would actually hurt each other, they have a lot of control over their powers. But Diego can control his powers by just… not throwing things and having temper tantrums. Luther doesn’t need to be angry to fuck up with his powers, we see that in the very first episode when he punches the model airplane. Luther can never escape his powers and has to constantly control them, and the idea of uncontrolled powers is his worst fucking nightmare.

So Vanya tells him, “we got in an argument and things got out of control” … like just imagine what must be racing through Luther’s mind when he hears that!

Yes what he does in this scene is awful but you can’t convince me he is doing it with the intention of hurting her. Literally you can see in his eyes as he is choking her how pained he is by this. And he apologizes to her: why would he apologize to her if he was trying to hurt her? And if that was intention… why wouldn’t he just fucking kill her?

I absolutely don’t agree with his decision here but like…. he absolutely is going through a mental breakdown and it doesn’t just stop during The Day that Was/Wasn’t and to act like he is completely stable and in his right mind when he locks Vanya up is just grossly oversimplifying everything! 

Y’all demonizes him over this but completely overlook some of the awful things his siblings have done (Diego going to beat up Five because he blames him for Patch’s death, Vanya killing a ton of random people because she was locked up)…. Like yes: Luther is insensitive, dismissive, and cruel in this scene but it is not his intention to be cruel, it’s obviously his intention to control Vanya’s out-of-control powers, protect his siblings (esp. Allison), and prevent her from causing the apocalypse. It is awful and yes it is cruel but to act like he just doesn’t give a shit about Vanya and/or is doing it just to hurt her is just….. so beyond what the show is portraying.

And I get that you guys really despise him for this, and if you’re going to hate him, fine: but you completely overlook the terrible things all the other siblings do throughout the whole series and write Luther off as evil, which is not cool. Seriously, y’all portray Luther as the literal devil just so that your faves seem like infallible angels and your headcanons and fanfictions seem nicer and more simple………. and honestly I just can’t reason with you. I think some people just hate on Luther and love everyone else because his abuse situation is more complex and they’re just… literally too lazy to do the mental math, so they stick with stanning everyone else whose trauma is more obvious? Even though Luther covering up his trauma (literally) and refusing to talk about/deal with it is a huge plot point in the show, y’all perceive this as him just not having any trauma, or just overook how his trauma affects his actions.

This show isn’t supposed to be “everyone in the family are wonderful, perfect victims and deals with their trauma like angels EXCEPT LUTHER HE IS STOOPID AND EVIL AND ALSO HIS TRAUMA ISN’T DEEP ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!”…… and if you think this then I think you need to do some soul searching? Or actually do some research into abuse and learn that it comes in many different forms and has many different effects?

Again: I don’t dislike any of the siblings. I used them as examples but I love Diego, Klaus and Vanya!!! I respect and understand them all and view them all as troubled souls who are trying.

This show is complex and it’s designed to be uncomfy, and if you simply write it off as having clear victims and villains (except Reginald, he a dick) then you are not respecting the writing or giving the show justice. 

Gerard Way says he wrote Luther based on his own experience of body dysmorphia, isolation….. the show designers say he has self-harmed before, and Tom Hopper has said Luther has been suicidal in the past…. but you know what, go on portraying his trauma as “having it easy” and using violence/cruelty just for fun, even though the show clearly portrays him as a broken man.

~