#so yeah i don't want to be here ya know
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what if I deactivated haha kidding... unless
#liliana talks#i barely even make content#i'm not a big blog and barely even get tagged in stuff#and when i decide to open up and make personal posts or talk about an interest i have ppl don't even notice#my family don't notice me no one notice me like why am i even here#by here yeah on this site and also in this world and alive#maybe it's seasonal depression or my mom brushing ny problems off idk#and also when things started to get better and i started to ger money and my bank account to grow#job got in a tight spot and now my bank accou t is going down like my mental health#so my dreams and goals instead of coming closer are getting further away#so yeah i don't want to be here ya know#and maybe i should shut up bc guess what?? no one cares and maybe ppl are annoyed with my bullshit#so uh guess i'll do just that
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they are like puppies. 2 me
#gravity falls#dipper pines#mabel pines#stan pines#stanley pines#ford pines#stanford pines#gravity falls fanart#fanart#disney#pretty happy with the bg on this one!!!#to be honest i don't know how i got here#at first i just wanted to draw mabel and dipper sleeping on the floor bc i thought it was a cute idea and i love to draw cuddling#and then um. suddenly i had placed them in an entire environment and added stan and ford#couldn't tell ya what happened#but i had fun with it!!#anyway yeah thank you again for all the recent support#hit 12k!!!! woah!!!!!#i was gonna make a post thanking you for 10k but then i hit 11 and now 12 so um. whoops#to be honest i don't even know what to say 😭😭 it's just crazy to me that ive gotten this far because ive had this acc since i was like. 12#it was my first social media i think#and the first way i got into fandoms#so yeah anyway. thank you :'))#mods art#mods draws#my art
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#feeling really lonely lately and idk why#i mean i guess this is what 5 years of complete isolation do to ya lol#but yeah... sometimes it hits me that i don't really have friends (my fault obvs) and i just sit here with no idea how to change that lol#cause i have the curse of being ok while i'm alone and feeling incredibly anxious when i'm with people#so i convince myself that i'm better alone#and i am for the most part#but then 5 years since the last time i met someone that wasn't my mom or my brother go by and i go ''hmm... i don't think this is healthy''#and i spiral into a pit of dispair#like i can't believe that my highschool years when i was an absolute emo ''i hate everybody and everybody hates me'' kind of dude#were healthier than now#because i had online friends whom i talked to for hours about just random shit#and i met incredible people in uni but i haven't talked to them in literally i'm gonna say 5 years?#and the fact that they live 3hs away doesn't help but still#and i fully know I'M the problem#cause i isolate myself and i don't text and i don't hang out when they arrange hang outs#(again being 3hs away. relying on public transport and not feeling comfortable going out at night don't help..)#but also i put waaaayyyy too much pressure on this so that doesn't help at all#and i'm waaaay to awkward and self depricating to even attempt to have a meaningful friendship with anyone...#so i'm left here (by my own actions) alone and sad lol#i might be getting my period btw so maybe that's why i want to die today#but yeah... it's been in my head for a while now and i wanted to get it out so i can move the fuck on#if only i could be a normal person... sigh#angel talks#personal
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will you appear again before Christmas?🥲
YES HI!!!! WOWEE sorry for being away longer than i intended! estranged family member showed up on my front door after 18 yeARS of no contact?!?!? went to bali and lost my pasSPORT?!?!?! failed my driver's TEST!?!?!?!
#life
#i've been writing a lot!#so i will post something soon#i missed u all and thank you to the people who checked in with me#it meant so much more than you know :') <3#tumblr has become such a creative outlet for me and retreat for me overtime but i didn't realise how comfortable i got here till now#taking time away has also cemented my own writing style#for a while i was trying too hard to force/fit into what i saw was popular in the yandere niche (art under capitalism xyz competition xyz)#now i've fully embraced what i can write#like to write#and want to be known for writing#so yes it's been an interesting end to an otherwise hellish year. honour roll second yr in a row so it all feels worth it now but jfc#i've never crashed out so much before in one year#so yeah! if u read all that ur a legend#just yapping abt what's been on my mind#consciously reading has also challenged me with how i want to extend my own writing#as if i wasn't ambitious enough bye#but i really hope that 2025 is#above all else#the year of unbroken promises#i don't want to promise things i can't deliver#but i still want you guys to be excited for what i do put out!!#so lesson learned; do not make a series masterlist/seasonal event if all the chapters or stories aren't pre-written out alr :')#2025 writing goals just bcuz i saw people do this with their reading so why not with writing?#1) begin and finish a multi part series (more than 5 chapters! i live for the longform)#2) clear out my inbox fully. i'm at 40ish asks so this isn't too crazy of a goal imo#i'll c ya guys soon tho! thanks for sticking around <3<3<3 love u all#excited for what's next :)
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hey has anyone ever considered doing shinjiro smut for after the fade to black but he lays you across his lap, like has anyone ever considered the canon praise kink with him more—shinjiro who scolds you, calls you trouble and tells you to stay close to him like a "good girl", shinjiro who acts tough, pretends to be fed up with you pushing him around (he loves it, but that doesn't mean you're not gonna hear about it), ignoring what he wants, so two can play that game, and you think, god, he's not holding back anymore, he's going to kiss me, finally, we're going to— but no, he settles on his bed and pats his lap and tells you that you need to "take responsibility" for teasing him like that, messing with his feelings — "be a good girl." remember, you started this.
#shinjiro aragaki#suggestive#i also like the idea of asking him to do something and he outright scoffs like fully has an attitude about it#tries to remind you what he said about ignoring his needs and asks you what makes you think he's gonna pay attention to yours#you think you get to ask him anything? that's cute#i love playing into that though like i know everyone is all in on the 'i ain't holding back anymore bit' but sorry#man says 'you think you can just push me around? ignore what i want? yeah. well. two can play that game' in that VOICE too? whew boy#like i think he should get to do that a little bit i think he should put me over his lap until i behave#fuck i think it should be more than that though like imagine him lifting you and just. like. tossing you onto the bed.#trying to sass him about the noise and he's like 'you think i give a shit about those guys when i got you right here?' like#i want him to take the wind out of me ya feel i want to talk shit get bit#hit a little too but like open handed#or maybe he tosses you on the bed and you're like 'oh shit oh shit' and then he sits at the foot of it and fucking#PULLS you onto his lap and rucks up your skirt just like that and there are a few moments - a hitched breath#'under negotiated kink' i don't CAREEE that's part of the fantasy like how hot would it be to just have someone tick those boxes untold#either way whether he gets wild or not (preferably yes but maybe needs time to warm up)#it's like. god. he should get to y'know. like (some of) my autonomy being taken from me without him ever overstepping is hot. hot. hot.#he should bend me over his lap and make me keep count while he very tenderly very lovingly mocks me#condescending about the great leader letting herself be treated like this and enjoying it literally makes you turn around#and finally finally touches you properly but he fucking laughs and you're red-faced and he goes 'isn't that embarrassing' and ramps up#so you can't even answer him#god should i try to write this#i think i'm too much of a perfectionist to do this sometimes because i'll stew and never get it done ugh#anyway.#filth#pure filth#thank you#i think we outdid that suggestive tag#smut#(for safety)
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Never apologize for rambling abt your OCs on my post. I love y ou (and HOHHH THAT SOUNDS SO INTERSETING I'M LOOKING)
OKAY COOL FUCK YEAH THANKS
im using you as an excuse to talk about my very own home-grown blorbos now
So!!!!!!!!! i literally only have half of a design for the two of these ocs, i've only drawn one of them ONCE and i don't count it cuz i wanna redesign him COMPLETELY (that piece is not even canon, i had to do that for a class so i put stuff in there that doesn't even belong to the type of story it is </3), i've written for the two of them a couple times but im not even sure THAT'S canon anymore
(here's the art in case you don't wanna click on a link)
i think the writing might still be canon tho, i do still kinda like a lot of the stuff it went over with that. N E WAYS.
basically there's this pair of witches (they don't. really have. names. oops. they did but i don't like them anymore) who enlisted and then eventually rose to the top of fighting this war/apocalypse/encroaching disaster that has been ongoing for a LONG time. like, they're at the end of the world but turns out the end of the world is a hell of a lot slower than anyone imagined. they've been fighting it for a long time (and it does involve actual fighting? like i like to think that this apocalypse acts more as like. locust swarm but the bugs are big big buggy boys that hates you hates you hates you and eats the magic out of the world)
and the first (we'll call him A) is the one who rose up in the ranks to be best of the best very quickly, because his kind of magic is very powerful and was critically effective in the fight. and the second guy (we'll call him B) is kind of. worst of the best. SORT OF. he was best of the best because he fought alongside A and B's brand of magic explicitly deals with the bond the two of them shared. (i call it bonds magic cuz i can't think of something better for now) (yes it's power of friendship) (there more to that but whatever) it was IMMENSELY powerful!!! not moreso than A's magic, but still!! very powerful!!! so B rose up because A pulled him up (not entirely true!!! but you get the point. nuance)
BUT THEN. sometime after they had been in the war for a long ass time, A leaves. either from shame, either he's disillusioned, something happened, he won't say. and just kind of. leaves B behind. who still is very much part of the war and won't say anything to sway A's mind because he cares too much about what he thinks
years later, B's still part of the war/doom effort. and magic in the world has kind of deteriorated so much that it's. honestly kind of hard to come across a solid magic user these days. they still teach them and still get people to join the effort, but compared to the older days, it's a lot less. people can learn magic, everyone can, but it's hard to get like. a professional, someone who has unlocked the higher abilities of magic. people like A or B.
speaking of! yeah. B is still part of the war effort. and it's NOW at the period of time where he's the worst of the best, but he's the only one they've got. they still keep him around because who else is there, really, and also he can still utilize the powerful bond magic he made way back when with A, so he's still very powerful but it's just. different. ya know? he's standing in the shadow of just the IDEA of A, and he's not even here anymore. and it's not filled with resentment, never. never resentment. he could never tarnish that. it's only ever love. and looking up to A. it didn't feel like he cast a shadow because to B, to him, he only ever cast light.
but also. A left. left him. alone.
so he's dealing with that in a perfectly reasonable manner (not thinking about it)
meanwhile A has decided to live a pastoral life away from the apocalypse and is totally not repressing his issues either. <3.
and like!!! the council or whatever that's in charge of all the witches is like "hey. B. you know your way cooler friend? you still keep in touch right?" and sends him off to go find A again after all these years to bring him back to the war and there's a whole mess of meeting again and having to meet with all the things you left unsaid, and all the everything and OOUAOUGHFF it's a whole mess.
anyways i want to make this a comic but also i kind of need to. yknow. design and draw the comic if i want to make the comic. so like. rage.
#teehee#asks#joyflameball#i think about these guys near constantly#so many themes i want to explore with them#they? probably? die in the end?#i don't know. i haven't written a plot for them#but the love mattered. it mattered because we were here and it existed#that kind of thing ya know?#it's a “it's so hard to love when it's like this but i'll do it anyways. even if it hurts. because it's you. and i would again and again”#crying screaming throwing up#but yeah maybe they'll live maybe they die in the end. i'll find out eventually
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Okay cool so this is was me all of this and last week fretting years off my life about the episode and I guess it's gonna be me next week fretting years off my life about next episode coolcoolcoolcool
#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#c3e90#cr3#cr3 spoilers#bell's hells#I mean we know it was gonna be tense and chaotic but we have multiple episodes of this tension and chaos? I only have so little sanity#but yeah now I got more days to fret about it in different ways so thanks Matt I guess?#god what is ep100 gonna be like? I kinda want Dorian to return for 100 but at this point who knows? Maybe sooner? Maybe later?#what are we even gonna talk about on this month's 4SD? Like what do we pick?#we need off the moon asap now only Chetney's been having a decent time here giving toys to people#Liliana is pissed and on the warpath and I feel we ain't healed enough or levelled enough for this!#also I'm gonna need a clip of Fearne and Ashton hugging for Callowmoore reasons and all the fanart we can get#Ira did at least save Fearne before bolting which was nice even if we didn't get to kill Athion and steal his dragon for her (yet)#but 'don't let me float away'? Clutch at my rapidly beating heart why don't ya?#we all agree though that this should be the permanent table format right? The Imodna and Callowmoore roleplay demands physical contact!#I need to lie down but I also need to work because office hours freaking time zones and all...
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hi guys please wish me luck for my college entrance exam tomorrow for one of my dream schools xoxo
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LET'S GOOO MGA PAREH 💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅#i'm so chill for some reason even if ik i will never forgive myself if i don't get in. anyway. manifesting!!! i will pass with flying colors#IT'S REAL DAMN STRESSFUL FOR ME bcs i am aiming for honors courses which means i have to be top 15%... i am top 15% (and higher) in my batch#in school anyway but... urgh...#so. yeah. give me all your best wishes thankyousomuchxoxo AHHEHEHWHSHFJAH sobbing (but fr. if you do. i really appreciate it!!)#i believe in myself :] mostly. the time limit scares me and math and abstract reasoning bcs 5 minutes for 30 items but yeah. okay.#i am Smart ..... bro i literally got perfect on my physics exam and got 100 in statistics (i am really proud of these in particular)#my extracurriculars are good !! all my math scores are insane (cue a math nerd) and science (science nerd) english (god. no explanation#needed) honestly every subject is slay and so is my essay-making but ERGH. honors course... top 15%...#i will try to be chill! honestly i am already lol the nerves aren't getting to me somehow. gl to me and all that i know and do not know.#both here and irl :3 also to fellow ph kids (who are most likely younger than me if they aren't older and yk not worrying abt cets anymore#LMFAO) err idk if . okay idk what i was going to say LMFAO anyway i'm busy af and idk if i'm good with teaching others#but if you ever want any tips from me (honestly i don't really have tips. i do what i do and just make it. but there's a lot involved there)#feel free to come to me for anything ^_^ anything at all tbh. doesn't have to be acads idk i like helping others in general. BUT IT DEPENDS.#but yeah just hmu whatever i will have you know i am genuinely a smart & responsible kid and i am proud of that bcs my family is amazing w#smarts but also the Hard Work is there so :3 !! english is my forte science is my forte math is my forte. also socsci and whatever tbh.#i'm probably insane but i genuinely love all those topics and what we learn in school FISHFK so yeah !!! okay i shut up now#will do my best... zzz... and then i will work on myself. to be better than i already am and even better than i could possibly be. ya. fun!#the mga pareh is a joke btw i like imitating filipino kids like that. like yooo mga pareh let's goooooo wahee!!!!!
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On one hand I do understand why Dragon Age fans are angry. On the other I literally cannot relate and I think Bioware should double down. No no hear me out. Hear me out listen to me.
Unfortunately they cannot pull the funniest move they could if they hadn't been idiots but they can pull a slightly less funny move.
They cannot pull a classical "this is your government assigned ex" situation because they themselves locked themselves out of that house.
But they CAN still pull a government assigned ex situation with extra steps that nobody would like and that'd make no sense but that would nonetheless be really fucking funny.
They shouldn't but they could and they should in a "it'd be funny" way just double down. Remove the option to customise your past Inquisitor. Make the Inquisitor a female elf with no Vallaslin and nothing you can do about it. Gaslight you about it. Make the default world state solavellan. Make that unchangeable. Refuse to elaborate. Leave.
Nobody would like that and it would have no upsides at all.
But it'd be really really funny.
#if you're wondering why i find this so funny honestly I don't know either#i don't find it funny when it's a game where you play as a defined character like in such cases it's normal and plausible#i think it's specifically the combination of a roleplaying game letting you do whatever and customise your hero and#their personality and likes and dislikes however and letting you have whatever relationships#you decide to have AND THEN. hitting you with a CANON EVENT hammer and NOT in a way suitable for a YA audience#because like. somehow all the games that have done this so far are games whose target audience are either teenagers or 18-25#so people who probably read YA (my personal disgust towards the genre notwithstanding) and at the same time people who think that divorce is#an old people thing. it'd be normal in a YA context to bring in an old flame; a character from your past who yearned for you and you for#them but nothing ever happened or maybe you had something nondescript and the character is like 'oooh i still want you do you want me?'#but this doesn't happen. all the games just hit you with 'oh yeah this ring on my finger. that's my ex husbands. i just keep wearing it#because it looks nice.' and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. they Chilchuck you.#your character likes women? wrong. here's an ex husband. your character is 20? wrong. here's an ex husband. your character#is against marriage and doesn't believe in interpersonal connections and would never even date? wrong. ex husband.
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heyyyyyyy about me making everyone forget creator
yeah that was a lie, well not really I'm just preparing you guys for a story I'm making about what if my other persona who kinda needs an actual name turns evil and just wants all the attention for themselves and traps Creator then you guys come along save her blah blah blah
#kinda want to make it into a comic#but y'all know your never getting that comic#like ever#never ever#ever#;#3#yeah so don't worry Creator isn't going anywhere#why would I make everyone forget the thing that got me here?#Creator is important to me and I'm not#getting rid of her#hope I trick some of yall#oh and I know your reading this i-ate-you-dog-srry#so you can make a post about this one#or keep it secret and wait until I post the first chapter#up to ya#either way you get a cookie + ice-cream#yeah that's all
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Didn't you also have a nihiligo or do they not count since they're an ultra beast?
I do but they're technically not mine! I designed them but the character themself belongs to a friend!
#you know who you are#i dunno if you want your blog mentioned here or not so feel free to reblog this with your url and I'll reblog it again for ya :)#but yeah I don't wanna claim that character without permission
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[ID: digital, colored painting of Cibo and Sanakan from BLAME! The background is black except for white repeated text, which reads “SHARE THE BLAME!” with BLAME! filled in and the rest of the phrase just outlined in white. Cibo is looking toward the viewer and Sanakan is looking to the bottom left. The two are close together and their faces are blending into each other.]
hehe the ladies
#blame!#sanakan#cibo#jkb.art#pov you're my roommates and you just keep hearing me say babygirl you don't look so good#body horror tw#jic#oh yeah lore for the 'share the blame!' since i explained 'who's to blame!' for the killy drawing:#i made it up cause i didn't want them to feel left out :(#but more comprehensive answer is that they have a kid together. honestly 'shoulder' the blame might've been better#since they do rely and help each other in the end. they also have their sapphism baby#blame in this set of series of descriptions is a more neutral thing. cause here they are to 'blame' for netkid's existence and just in#general for a lot happening in the series. tho the changes they made are not bad things ya know#oh the other reason i didn't do shoulder the blame is because i wanted to do that for netkid when i get to them#since they have to live with this legacy plus they have the net terminal gene#it's a legacy kinda that they have to carry#edited again cause forgot an actual caption. w/e
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mal in the grishaverse is to alina what jacob in twilight has been to bella. in this essay i'll...
#okay so in twilight jacob is like bella it's unnatural that edward is alive he should have been dead long ago. and if he was and he didn't#meddle with natura and the timeline i would be the one for you in our timeline. but he's here because he's extra special and that makes me#obsolete. because like alina and mal matched until they were both common and not special but now alina is a summoner and#she's the specialest of special girls and mal is throwing a tempter tantrum over that right#and they are like. they should be best friends and nothing more.#anyway that was point A#I'm over not one not two but three glasses of wine but even like this I know that one point justification belongs in my friends DMs not#an essay so let me present point B#so he's like the firebird right (he just circled her hand where the last amplifier would go and they felt weird#incredible foreshadowing btw) so like he belongs to her but only part of her belongs to him and that's very jacob vibes with all the#renesmee business. and also mal is just. so desperate to define himself by what he is to alina like he expects the answer to his own#identity crisis that is the consequence of his own actions (deserting literally no one asked that of him) from her#like the only way he thinks about defining himself is in relation to her . and like yeah ig they are teenagers and 'in love' or whatever#(they have zero chemistry while the darkling and nikolai are constantly standing next to alina and it works but ig I digress)#so i'm just constantly being told and they are in love and want a simple life (and that's the very thing that made me side with Gale instead#of Peeta back when so I'm probably primed to not want that for characters) but idk I just don't see it that they'd make such a good pair#anyway I guess this is a Mal hate post and I'm dragging the moder YA lit's each and every love interest into this 'analysis'#blueberry wine is excellent by the way would recommend#miaing
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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.
#maybe i'm just being really sensitive but when my mom hits me with the 1-2-punch of 'god i can't wait to die in the next 10 yrs' then#'you need to get a job' it really leaves me feeling. bad lol#my 94-y-o grandmother needs someone to stay with her over the weekend and i offered to stay the whole time‚ for the sake of simplicity#since normally her house is a revolving door of family members coming in and out to care for her#so instead of multiple people having to make time to be there i said that I'd just do the whole weekend‚ to give everyone a break#but mimi doesn't want that because apparently i don't talk to her enough. i don't sit in there with her while her TV is blaring#and scream at her to entertain her. no one in my family is quiet but any time I'm here‚ she comments on how she forgets i'm here because I'm#too quiet‚ 'like a little mouse'. i mean yeah mimi y'all never acknowledged i existed‚ sorry for not really wanting to connect#especially since she's 95 years old. don't wanna develop an real connection to her now‚ ya feel me#but it's good to know I'm not wanted around because I'm bad at communicating. like y'all gotta tell me something i don't know#ok bye
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It always gets me that the name "Gandalf" literally just means "Wand-Elf" or "Stick-Elf". I'm imagining old Gondorians just being like:
Librarian: I saw that weird guy at the library again today.
Guard 1: What weird guy?
Librarian: The old guy with the beard? Kinda elfy-looking, apart from the beard?
Guard 1: Oh, with the big-ass stick?
Librarian: Yeah, looked like he was carrying an entire tree branch.
Guard 2: Yeah, that's the Stick Elf.
Guard 1: Hell yeah, I fuckin' love the Stick Elf.
Librarian: The "Stick Elf"?
Guard 2: He comes by every few years, usually after some weird book or other.
Librarian: Oh. Yeah, he wanted a treatise on goblin breeding habits.
Guard 2: Like, how they have sex? We have books on that?
Librarian: Yeah, turns out we do. I was as surprised as you are.
Guard 1: What'd the Stick Elf need a fuckin' goblin-fuckin' book for?
Librarian: I didn't ask. So you just call him "Stick Elf"?
Guard 2: I mean, he looks kinda elfy and he always has that stick, so, like, yeah.
Guard 1: Dude also has some fuckin' dope pipeweed.
Guard 2: Oh yeah, his pipeweed is awesome.
Librarian: How long has he been coming here?
Guard 2: Oh, for decades. He's, like, super old.
Guard 1: More like fuckin' centuries. Dude's old as balls.
Guard 2: Wait, really?
Guard 1: Yeah, my gran-gran used to talk about him. She loved his pipeweed too.
Librarian: So he's… an immortal pipeweed dealer?
Guard 2: I think he's just, like, a connoisseur. He doesn't sell it or anything. He just always has some really top-notch pipeweed on him.
Archivist: Oh, are we talking about Stick Elf?
Guard 1: Hell yeah we are!
Librarian: You know about the Stick Elf, too?
Archivist: Oh, totally. Stick-Elf's a super chill dude. Gave me some awesome pipeweed when I was maybe 12, and tee-bee-aitch I think I'm still a little buzzed from it.
Guard 1: What'd I tell ya, fuckin' dope pipeweed!
Archivist: Also he's really old.
Guard 1: Old as balls.
Librarian: Yeah, so Éodan and Jenniforomir were telling me.
Archivist: My grandpa used to tell me stories - he said one time he saw Stick Elf enter a smoke-ring contest.
Guard 1: Ooh, I'll bet he kicked fuckin' ass.
Archivist: Apparently the guy made an entire warship out of smoke and it flew around shooting down the other rings.
Librarian: And how much of this "fuckin' dope" pipeweed had your grandfather had by this point?
Guard 1: No no, that's totally plausible. Dude's got weird elf powers and shit for sure.
Archivist: He brought fireworks for the king's birthday one year, too.
Guard 1: Oh fuck, I forgot about those! Fuckin' incredible fireworks! Dragons and knights and glowy trees and shit! I was fuckin' 6 years old or something, they totally blew my mind. Hey Éodan, did you see that shit?
Guard 2: No, I think that's before I lived in Gondor.
Guard 1: Wait, you're not from here?
Guard 2: Oh, no, I grew up in Rohan. We moved here when I was, like, thirteen because my uncle Éojeff said he could get my dad a sweet job. And also that there were houses that didn't smell like horseshit.
Guard 1: Oh shit, are you related to Éojeff and Éosteve who run that æbleskiver stand on Norndîl St?
Guard 2: Yeah, they're my uncles!
Guard 1: Shit, they cook a fuckin' great æbleskiver!
Librarian: Ok, hold up a sec, "Stick Elf" can't possibly be his real name.
Guard 1: Why not?
Librarian: What? You think his parents named him in the hopes that he would carry around a fucking tree when he got older?
Guard 2: Maybe they gave him the tree when he was born!
Archivist: I don't think a baby could carry that stick.
Guard 1: You ever seen a baby hanging onto something? They're hella strong.
Archivist: It's not a strength thing, their hands are tiny. That staff is enormous!
Guard 1: My halberd's bigger 'n I am, I can hold it just fine.
Archivist: You're not a baby.
Librarian: Also why would elf parents name their kid "stick ELF"?! Presumably they know that their kid's going to be an elf!
Archivist: Is he actually an elf? I didn't think they grew beards.
Guard 1: How'd he get old as balls if he's not an elf?
Guard 2: His ears aren't that pointy. Maybe he's just a really old guy? Like, a Numémoriam or something?
Guard 1: Did you just say "Numémoriam"?
Guard 2: Nûnenorman? Munimõrbitan? Y'know, those guys like the king that can get super old.
Guard 1: You mean the fuckin' Númenóreans?
Guard 2: Yeah, the Númenóreums.
Archivist: Even the Númenóreans don't live THAT long.
Guard 1: Plus he carries that fuckin' stick around.
Guard 2: Wait, what does the stick have to do with it?
Guard 1: That's an elf thing. Y'know, trees and shit? Very elfy.
Librarian: Ok, look, but his parents naming him "Stick Elf" would be weird whether or not he's an elf. In fact, it's even weirder if he's not - what human names their kid "elf"?
Archivist: Huh. Yeah, you're right, he probably does have another name.
Guard 2: Yeah, I guess so.
Librarian: He's been coming here for decades and nobody's ever asked his real name?
Archivist: I dunno what to tell you, he's Stick Elf. Even his library card just says 'Stick Elf'.
Guard 1: Fuck yeah, the Stick Elf!
Guard 2: Maybe we could, like, ask him his name sometime?
Guard 1: Hey, look, Elrond's over there. He's old as balls too, maybe he knows?
Guard 2: Oh, we shouldn't interru-
Guard 1: HEY ELROND, YOU'RE OLD AS BALLS, RIGHT? WHAT'S THAT OLD ELF WITH THE STICK'S NAME?
Elrond (coming over): Do you mean an old man cloaked all in grey and blue, leaning on a rough-cut staff, who came to the great library this day?
Guard 1: Yeah, the Stick-Elf!
Guard 2: (Sorry to bother you, sir...)
Librarian: He's got to have a real name besides 'the Stick Elf', right?
Elrond: Indeed, for no elf is he. You speak of the wizard Olórin, wisest of the Maiar, older even than Eä itself. Many are his names in many countries: Tharkûn among the Dwarves; Incánus to the south; Mithrandir he is called among my people, the Grey Pilgrim.
Librarian: Oh.
Elrond: And here in the North he is called Stick-Elf.
Librarian: Oh.
Guard 1: Fuck yeah!
#fun fact: the Khuzdul name Tharkûn means 'staff-man'#so the Dwarves also call him 'the stick guy'#on the naming of things#sufficiently verbose prose#that's what I'm Tolkien about
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