#so with books I get stuck in niches and genres

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: december 2024

it's here, baby! the final reading roundup of 2024, and the last nine books I read!

what I read:

The Daughters of Izdihar (Hadeer Elsbai, 2023) - I really want to get back into my big chunky fantasy novel kick, and this was a fun one! I will fully admit I almost got turned off by the first chapter or two when the worldbuilding exposition and the fantasy feminism didn't quite sell me right away, but I stuck around and ultimately had a really good time. Daughters of Izdihar follows two young women from very different social classes, Nehal and Giorgina, who are navigating their lives amidst a burgeoning suffrage moment in an Egypt-inspired country. on top of the class and gender of it all, we have the extra element of "weaving," with weavers having the ability to exert influence over different classical elements - think bending, but legally distinct. Elsbai's weavers are a nice change of pace re: fantasy discrimination, being neither universally adored nor reviled but rather occupying a unique, often precarious niche in society that is most fraught for poor women like Giorgina. I found myself increasingly pulled in to the story and delighted to have found such a fun standalone, only to reach the wiiiiild cliffhanger ending and realize it was the first book of a duology this whole time. and apparently the sequel has been out since March of 2024? cool cool cool cool cool cool cool. add another one to the TBR!

Rejection (Tony Tulathimutte, 2024) - I read Tulathimutte's short story "The Feminist" YEARS AGO and have been a little haunted by it ever since, so I was stoked to hear that it had been incorporated into this collection of loosely interconnected short stories. "The Feminist" was striking in its ability to so viscerally capture the inner workings of a deeply unpleasant person whose brain has been absolutely scorched by the nastiest workings of the internet, but I hadn't seen ANYTHING yet. I posted about "Ahegao" here and still can't rave about it enough; it's a slow burn into utter absurdity that ends with a swift kick to the head. to say nothing of Tulathimutte weaving himself into the narrative of the book and, ultimately, rejecting himself, including as the final piece of the book a fictional rejection letter offering scathing criticism of the previous works. reading it made me feel lightheaded; this book is so nastily brilliant.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 13-14 (Ryoko Kui 2023-2024, trans. Taylor Engel) - god, what a great story. Kui builds such a rich and (god, pardon the pun) flavorful world, with so much nuance and texture given to every layer. you won't find any unquestioned reliance on old high fantasy tropes here; it feels as if Kui has truly turned over every stone in the genre to poke at and play with what lays underneath to make something original. the exploration of desire and hunger and the ways in which food itself fundamentally inextricable from life got me so so good, and I'm going to be so emo about Laois and Marcille's freak asses forever.

Allow Me to Introduce Myself (Onyi Nwabineli, 2024) - one of the only strikeouts of December, to me. the premise is compelling, following a British Nigerian woman in her 20s who is struggling to crawl out from beneath the shadow of being raised in the public eye by a white stepmother who turned her interracial family into fodder for a highly successful mommy blog, but ultimately it falls flat for me. the book feels unfocused and unsure, meandering around until it comes to an ending that is, frankly, far too tidy.

Funny Story (Emily Henry, 2024) - this romance novel has been topping a LOT of lists of 2024's best romances and even making appearances on lists of 2024's best books overall, so needless to say I was afraid of the hype. to my absolute shock and delight, Funny Story actually managed to live up to the praise and then some, turning the seemingly outlandish premise (a man and a woman become roommates after they're each unceremoniously dumped so their exes can elope, lie about dating each other, romance ensues) and make it sincerely charming. our protagonists, Daphne and Miles, are shockingly grounded for the leads of such an unlikely story, and navigate their grief and subsequent half-assed fake relationship in ways that feel winningly believable. Daphne shines as she learns to stand on her own outside of the certainty her former fiancee provided, and Miles would be the singular most fuckable man in any romance novel I've ever read if not for his unfortunate dedication to wearing crocs all the time.

The Uclaimed: Abandonment and Hope in the City of Angels (Pamela Prickett and Stefan Timmermans, 2024) - a surprisingly tender work of narrative nonfiction that explores the lives and deaths of four individuals whose bodies weren't claimed by any next of kin, and what ultimately became of them after. Prickett and Timmermans treat their subjects with incredible care, going to great pains to speak with those who cared for their subjects and depict them as full people with worthwhile lives, examining the families they lost and the systems that failed them as they found themselves alone at the ends of their lives. a great read if you want to get really emo OR really mad about how the United States' exceedingly narrow legal definition of family leaves so many people unprotected in times of need!

Him (Geoff Ryman, 2023) - yeah this is the trans!Jesus book I read on Christmas that isn't even really about Jesus being trans but is about Jesus being sort of a softcore eldritch nightmare man living the most confusing and inscrutable life that anyone had ever lived. I don't know if this book is particularly accurate to either the Bible or the Torah and I truly don't think it matters; Ryman is doing his own thing and I love his little freak Jesus. genuinely I'm obsessed with that guy, nothing has ever made me like Jesus as much as watching him have the most terrible time.

Someone You Can Build a Nest In (John Wiswell, 2024) - god this book is so charming and so fun and it's a romp in so many places. I do really truly adore our protagonist, Shesheshen, who's an curmudgeonly shapeshifting goo monster with a penchant for building herself new body parts out of the spare bits of people that she's killed and eaten. she is, against all logic, crushing hard on a kind woman who recently saved her life while believing Shesheshen to be a human, and that woman has naturally turned out to be a monster hunter (evidently, perhaps, not the most astute one). there's so much gory whimsy here, and so much to like. and yet. and YET. it goes just a little too long for me (the novel is a strong candidate for a work that would have fared better as a pared down novella) and it is, in times, gratingly on the nose with spelling out "x behavior is abuse and abuse is Bad." still very fun though, solid B from me.

that's it!!! that's a wrap for 2024, I'll see you again at the end of January to check in and see how those book bingo sheets are coming along!

[dovkss]

bakugou using your mouth in the library during a weekly study date with your friends…

word count: 2.2k

warning: 18+; manhandling; blowjob (m receiving); degradation; slapping; public sex; possessive & controlling katsuki; choking & gagging; cum eating; yandere themes; poor eijiro once again :((

all characters are aged up !!

a/n: quick first drabble from my first story “dumb bitch” since a lot of you asked for a part two but I don’t want to do one, I’ll continue more drabbles from the story if asked ! enjoy ! (^_^)

You and the girls gathered at your usual study spot in the library on a quiet Saturday afternoon. You all were preparing for an exam and knew that studying together would help big time.

Kirishima was also there, like he always was. But he barely spoke. Ever since he discovered you and Bakugou on his bed, sprawled out like heathens, things were awkward to say the least.

You, the girl he’d cared deeply for, had chosen Bakugou over him, and it felt like a dagger was plunged into his soul.

He would think back to before everything went to shit. When classes for the day ended, he would see you leaning on his car when he'd go to the parking lot. You would greet him and lock your arm with his and you both made your way to the other side so he would open the passenger door for you.

You'd beg to go get ice cream or ask if he could take you home so you wouldn't have to take the bus. He would never say no to you, only nod like a dummy. It was like you knew the scent of your perfume made you irresistible to him.

When he would go to open the driver door, the handle would be warm from your ass. The day after the next, you would be back again to do the same thing.

You wanted to apologize to him, but was shut down by Bakugou. His nostrils flared and he rolled his eyes. "He'll get over it, stay away from him. Why? Because I told you to! Don't question me, you're fucking mine."

You respected his wishes, but you felt it was wrong.

You guys settled down at the spacious table, surrounded by shelves stacked with books, each section thoughtfully curated. They housed literary classics, contemporary bestsellers, niche genres, and even rare manuscripts. The atmosphere in the studying section was calm and serene. Soft whispers and the sound of turning pages filled the air.

You opened your rented textbook, and laptop, setting down your regular coffee next to them, ready to dive in.

"God, my head is killing me," Mina whined. Dramatically, she slumped over in her chair and rubbed her temple with two fingers.

"Still? It's been like a week," Momo asked.

"I don't know what's happening to me! Maybe... I'm dying..."

"Don't say that, death isn't funny."

"I never said it was, I'm being serious!"

"You're not gonna die from a headache, Mina. Stop being a baby. Maybe learn how to swallow a pill, it'll help."

Mina groaned and shook her head. "You know I can't do that!"

"Then stop complaining!" Momo snapped back.

You shook your head in disbelief. It seemed that the girls would always find something mundane to argue about. But that was just their dynamic. If there were a day they weren't bickering, you'd be worried.

You glanced up at Kirishima who sat across from you. His head was in his notebook; he was taking notes. You watched him, observing how he studied. His handwriting was a little sloppy, as he seemed to be writing fast. His tongue stuck out of the side of his mouth a little.

He was adorable when he was focused.

He looked up, meeting your gaze. You didn't look away. His red eyes glistened in the sunlight that came through the windows. You smiled at him, being sure to show off your pearly whites.

He sighed and went back to jotting down whatever he was writing. You frowned and opened your mouth to speak up, but you were suddenly yanked up by your arm.

You gasped and dropped the pen that was in your hand. You knew that tight grip of his, it never failed to make you shutter.

"Been tryna reach you for hours, y'know?"

You giggled. "Well I can't be available all the time."

Bakugou wasn't amused. His ears flushed in anger and his jaw clenched.

He dragged you out of the library, you winced when he tightened his grip on you. He was tall, his long strides made it almost impossible for your legs to keep up at a normal pace. Looking back, you were surprised.

Momo sat silently, taking a deep breath. Mina watched in confusion as to where he was taking you and wondered if you’d be back. Kirishima just stared. He seemed calm, like he wasn't worried.

He wasn't.

“Be right back you guys- ow!” You flinched. Bakugou had yanked you by your ear, forcing you in front of him so you couldn’t look anywhere else but ahead.

Leaving the study area, Bakugou took you to an empty part of the library, all the way on the other side. Furthest away from your friends.

He shoved you into one of the shelves and stood in front of you. He towered over you, his wide chest almost caging you in that one spot.

“You wanna embarrass me?” He asked, how voice low and intimidating.

You shook your head. “No… of course not, Katsuki! What did I do?”

His infuriated state didn’t subside. Your innocent question only intensified it.

“You should know better than to ignore me,” he said.

You shook your head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about but I’m sorry, okay?”

“You always have your phone on you, I’m not stupid.”

You looked up at him and wrapped your arms around his neck. “My phone is in my bag, we needed to focus for this exam and I didn’t want to get distracted. I didn’t mean to worry you… forgive me?”

He scoffed at your sudden change in demeanor. You looked at him with those eyes. The very same eyes you gave him whenever you wanted him to take care of you in more ways than one.

“What a fucking whore you are.” He spat at you, his hands running down the sides of your waist.

“You know me so well—after I study, you can come over. I’ll make it up to you!” You smile softly, biting your lip.

Bakugou didn’t react, he just looked at you. It was hard to read him. You were never able to tell what he was thinking. That’s what made him stand out to you in the first place.

“Why are you studying with Kirishima?”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Well, that’s how it’s always been. I can’t really control if he’s there or not either…”

“Fucking figure it out. I don’t want you around him, if that means you have to kick those sluts to the curb as well, then so be it.”

He was serious. Of course he was, there was never a moment where he wasn’t. But he didn’t actually expect you to let go of Momo and Mina did he? Your best friends since… forever!

You frowned at his words and your arms dropped from his neck. You fiddled with the hem of your sweater and looked away from him.

When you didn’t give an answer, he brought his hand up to your chin, forcing you to look at him. “So what’s it gonna be?”

You were unsure of how to answer. Obviously, you weren’t gonna stop being friends with them. They were there first, it would be unfair.

“Why do you hate him so much?”

The grin on his face became more prominent. Slowly, teasingly, his hand smoothed down your hair before he pressed against the back of your neck. “Because he wants what’s mine.”

He pressed down hard, pushing you down to your knees. Your heart sped up when you realize what’s happening.

You blinked up at him, unsure of what he wanted you to do. You were also too scared. Your hands shook a little at the thought of getting caught. That would be a nightmare.

He tilted his head at you. “You don’t expect me to do everything, do you?”

You looked to both sides of you worryingly. “What if someone comes, and we get in trouble, or worse- suspended. Or even worse! Expelled! Oh my god, I’d be in so much trouble, my parents would kill me and I would be a disgrace and they’d disown me and they’d take away everything I have, everything I love, oh my god I’m gonna have a heart attack,”

Bakugou rolled his eyes at your nervous rambling, unzipping his pants and pulling out his hard cock. He slammed your head back on the shelf which shut you up immediately, his cock in his hand, he tapped your lips with it.

“Are you done? Needa’ use your mouth for something more productive right now.”

You closed your eyes, letting out jagged breaths, and nod submissively. He chuckled then forced his cock between your lips, putting his entire length down your throat.

Your squeals are muffled when he thrusts into your mouth. He explores your tongue and feels the inside of your cheeks. It made him crave you even more.

“Looks at me baby- aah, shit. Look at me when your mouth is full.” He exhaled.

You did as he said without question. One thing about Bakugou, his moans were gorgeous. They never failed to make you feel special.

It always sent shivers down your spine whenever his breaths let you know how much of a good girl you were being. Your nipples became hard, almost being visible through your thick sweater. The pain at the back of your head became a distant feeling.

The only thing you focused on was him. How good he was making you feel, and how you were doing the same to him.

His breath hitched as his thrusts into your throat became more powerful. His balls slapped against your chin and saliva spilled from the corners of your lips.

“Wider,” he panted. “Open wider… deeper…”

You tried your best to widen your lips more to his liking. But you were as wide as you could go, his cock was already forcing your mouth wide open. It was hard to breathe through your mouth and your jaw started to cramp.

He leaned over you, his arms and forehead resting on the bookshelf. You could tell he was focused, his expression was serious.

You felt yourself growing more wet when you began to gag on his cock. The lewd noises were a little loud, the thought of being caught scared you but you didn’t care about that now.

He moaned more, cursing at you under his breath. It was so faint, you couldn’t hear what he was saying. But you were willing to bet it was so hot.

Hs shoved his hand to the back of your head and began forcing you down on his cock. Your eyes shot close when you started choking on him even more.

His grip on your hair tightened and you could tell he was close. You tried to be good for him and just take it. But the roughness was too much to handle.

You whined and whimpered, but he ignored you. The only thing on his mind was chasing his high. You felt his cock twitch in your mouth and you moaned.

That set him off. His body jerked ever so slightly as he released down your throat. His gasps were soft and mixed with shits and fucks.

When he pulled out of you, a long string of his thick cum mixed in with your saliva connected between his cock and your mouth. He lifted it off his end and placed it in your mouth.

You prepared your throat to swallow before he caught it and flung his hand across your cheek, your head snapping to the side. You whimper and bring your hand to your slapped cheek.

“Don’t swallow until I tell you to.” He hissed.

You nodded and stood slowly, resting your head on his chest. He cleaned himself up a bit, putting his cock back into his boxers and zipping up his jeans.

He led you back to your friends and left without a word. You sat down quietly, grabbing your phone from your bag and rested your head on the table.

13 missed calls and 22 unanswered texts.

“What happened back there? Are you alright?” Mina asked. You looked up at her. She was worried, like usual. You only smile and nod.

“Are you sure? You look exhausted,” Kirishima added. You nod again, your tongue playing with the cum still in your mouth.

You felt your eyes ready to close so you can get some rest until you felt your phone buzz. You lifted it from your lap and unlocked it.

It was from Bakugou.

“Send me a pic of my seed in you. Then I’ll allow you to swallow.”

You cringed. What if your friends saw? What would they think of you if they knew what just happened?

But you couldn’t ignore him. You’d end up in bigger trouble later if you did.

You opened the camera app and turned the camera around. Kirishima was right, you did look exhausted. Your eyes were barely able to stay open, it looked like you had been crying.

You opened your mouth and stuck your tongue out. You snapped a photo of your expression and examined it before sending.

It was clear as day, the cum in your mouth. It was awfully abundant and salty. Having it in your mouth for longer than three minutes would surely make your breath stink like crazy.

You sent the picture to him and awaited a response. It wasn’t long before you got a reply.

“Disgusting whore.”

[lesbiancolumbo]

Hi Sydney! Sorry you are Going Through It both health wise and with that bad book. I found an old movies recs (30s & older) post where you were like here are some ones you should Start With, and then here are some more, and I was just curious ig what you meant? Do some just require less historical context? Was it because they were the best, or super influential? I can send you the post if it helps but I was just wondering like what the reasoning was

i remember the post you're referencing. usually when people ask for a general catchall recommendation, that's a bit of a tall order, so i will usually stick pretty closely to "The Canon" - the definitive Best Of or Most Famously That Kind of Film list. for example: if you ask me for a thirties film, and i only have one shot at recommending something to you, and assuming you've never seen a 1930s film before... i'm gonna go with something pretty standardly 1930s, like the thin man, or gone with the wind, or dinner at eight. i'm not going to be like so there's this film from 1936 that only 5 people and a dog have seen...... i believe the person asking for the rec on the post you mention literally asked me to assume they hadn't seen anything before 1965, so they really WERE asking for a definitive list. my list included shit like citizen kane, singin' in the rain, double indemnity, rear window, etc. i tried to cover as many genres as i could and stuck to (or tried to, i snuck some things in there lol) definitive, historical examples of the BEST of those categories.

but then... the thing about me is that while i'm more than happy to do a general rec list like that... i also find canonical lists kinda boring. and i want to provide some more niche options as a next step. like okay, you watched the definitive film noir, double indemnity... now watch sweet smell of success. or okay, so you watched stagecoach..... now watch westward the women. you like singin' in the rain? try the pajama game! so on and so forth.

the canon can be a useful jumping off point when people are looking for something more generalized, but i get a lot of pleasure out of introducing people to more lesser known/seen stuff so i always try to provide some counterprogramming when and where i can.

[pb-dot]

Writeblr Introduction

Suppose I should introduce myself per the writeblr Very Friendly Suggestions. I'm PB, or peebs if you prefer. I publish my books under the pen name Victor S. Dale. I'm in my 30's, bisexual, dyspraxic, and as behooves a man of my standing I'm also grappling with considerable depression.

I like to write, like it a lot and I always have. My main WIPs are: a clockpunk love story titled The Clockwork Boy, a Lovecraftian Horror Romance titled His Impossible Brushstrokes and a 30s-punk portal fantasy serial titled Thereafter. I also dabble with smaller projects I won't get into here. Mostly coherent and concise synopses of The Clockwork Boy, His Impossible Brushstrokes, and Thereafter follow below.

The Clockwork Boy

My NaNoWriMo 2022 novel was initially conceived because I couldn't find much fun MLM genre fiction to read, so I decided to get myself good and wedged into that niche. The story follows Jake, who's stuck in a dead-end job of machining gears and sundry parts as well as lifting heavy things until a small, yet deceptively strong young man crashes into his life, and also his arms. The young man is called 13, his entire body from the neck down is made out of impossibly complex clockwork parts, and he's on the run from multiple powerful people and factions.

13 is stronger and faster than anyone has the right to be, but several broken parts hold him back. Jake is immediately smitten by the complex mechanics of 13's clockwork body, not to mention his sad, blue eyes, and so vows to help repair 13. The complexity of the task at hand is only increased by the two being pursued by local goon squads as well as other clockwork-bodied people with numbers for names.

The world of The Clockwork Boy and the Hearts In Clockwork series, provided I get around to writing more of these things, is languishing in a peculiar type of anarchy. The Age of Steam has come and gone and after a series of destructive colonial wars known as The Coal Wars, the power of government and nation has all but eroded. In their place, an alliance of powerful merchants and holders of capital keeps an iron grip on what passes for law from their seat in the massive tower known only as The Spire. Their power is exerted through monopoly and other economic maneuvers, but also by their rowdy Enforcers, who rule through intimidation and sheer brutishness.

13, as it turns out, is part of The Clockmen, a hitherto hidden faction within The Spire, whose acerbic leader is working to create an elite force of clockwork-powered individuals to overthrow The Spire and their enforcers, but even within the clockmen, agendas differ. 13 was originally made to fight and kill rogue clockmen, but so objected to this that he fled, searching for his memories and what freedom could be found.

Jake and 13 eventually find themselves under the auspices of The Northwest, an underground worker-owned coop parts workshop that takes them in and offers them succor in their time of need. In the relative safety of The Northwest's hidden workshop, Jake and 13 get the time they need to perform the sizable number of repairs needed, and perhaps ask the question of what they are becoming to each other and what comes next.

The current status of the project at the moment is going through the old rewrite and editing wringers. I'm currently having the thing beta read and I'll make whatever changes I need after that before attempting to hook an agent to help me get the thing published. In the meantime, I post about it a lot. If you want to be up-to-date on the most recent rambles in the setting, check out the tag list post here

My final goal with this project is to somehow get it published and, provided I am not met with immediate scorn and ridicule, get started on writing one or more sequels. I don't have the entire series planned out or anything, but I have several stories in this universe planned, and I know where and how I want it to end.

His Impossible Brushstrokes

My 2023 NaNoWriMo entry and occasional Lagrange point of my life. Continuing the trend from last year of writing novels that I wish someone else had written already so I could read it, Brushstrokes is a male-led queer horror with a mspec protagonist, exploring the shared points between love and fear, admiration and obsession, and art and madness.

The story follows Oscar Skerry, an obsessive San Fran art critic who goes to progressively more extreme measures to understand the works of his favorite artist, a pan-European enfant terrible by the name Tomasz Gildebrant. Gildebrant is an obscure artist, whose paintings nevertheless go for exorbitant prices on account of his cult appeal.

Following the thread of an art patron going berserk and attempting to destroy a Gildebrant painting by eating it, Tomasz unravels the urban legend of Gildebrant Psychosis. This sickness allegedly drives some who see a Gildebrant painting into acts of brutality, depravity, or the profoundly absurd, and Oscar starts to suspect there is something deeper and darker going on than repeated failures of the mental health system.

Seemingly out of the blue, Oscar gets an invitation to join Gildebrant in his home in the southern Carpathian Mountains. Eager to get to the bottom of things, and share his theories with Gildebrant, Oscar accepts.

Once there, two things become readily apparent. One, Gildebrant is incredibly charming, so much so that Oscar finds himself doubting that Gildebrant could be the man behind the dark, disturbing paintings he obsesses over. Two, there are way too many things not adding up, like how the doors to his guestroom in the Gildebrant household lock automatically at midnight, and how many pairs of shoes fill Gildebrant's hallway.

Per April 2024, the first draft for His Impossible Brushstrokes is complete. The plan remains to seek tradpub or indie publishing once I've edited the thing.

Thereafter

My first self-released project. The first chapters of Thereafter is slated to be released via buttondown starting May 1st 2024. This story follows Michael, a man in his 30s who traveled to, and saved, a magical cave-world populated by kindly molefolk at the tender age of twelve (and a half.) Now, 20 years later, Michael struggles in life and finds himself wishing for those simpler days of adventure again. Life is not without a sense of cruel irony, as the phenomenon that spirited him away all those years ago reoccur. Michael doesn't find himself in the serene caves of the molefolk, however, but in a desperately ramshackle city built from the flotsam and jetsam of thousands upon thousands of worlds.

This strange town goes by the name of Thereafter, and it was the surviving population of the cave world, as well as many other worlds, built with what they could salvage after The Calamity. Few who saw the world-destroying catastrophe lived to tell the tale, and the few who have, tell conflicting and surely nonsensical tales of it. Either way, the few that survived being flung into the void between worlds found their way to this nexus of the dispossessed, where the despair of dispossession percolated under the pressure of resource insecurity and a general sense of the world quite literally coming to an end.

To assuage some of these fears, The Council of Thereafter, a hastily assembled collection of wizards, wise men and the occasional cryptic hermit, decided to summon heroes of the old to their side. Due to the way time flows differently in the realms of magic, centuries and even millennia have passed since Michael saved the Molefolk, and the tales of his exploits have only grown in his absence.

Fortunately, Michael will not be alone in his task of portraying a heroic figure far beyond what he is able to actually be. Unfortunately, his colleagues in this endeavor are all messed up to an equal degree to him. Lex, the Polish enby scientist, is cynical on a level that borders on the parodic and worryingly horny. Felipe, the Mexican pro athlete archer, is arrogant, flighty and seems physically unable to take anything seriously. Finally, Alicia, the New York-based fitness influencer, seems restless in a way that either speaks to undiagnosed ADHD or truly world-shaking rage contained under the athletic facade.

Together, this rag-tag band of 30-somethings must unite in their quest to portray the heroes that history have made them, all the while grappling with what it means to be a hero in a desperately imperfect world. The city of Thereafter is full of crime born of desperation, hatred born of fear, and runaway magic, but that is not all. After all, the only thing anyone can agree on about the Calamity is that it is still out there and may one day turn its destruction upon Thereafter.

With Thereafter, I plan to work more with character and group dynamics than I have in my earlier works. The dysfunctional found family of the Heroes is supposed to be a big draw of the story, alongside the mystery of The Calamity and more pressing concerns about survival. As usual for a Peebs story, there will also be rumination, politics and philosophy involved, tigers don't usually change their stripes after all, but we're also getting a fantasy post-apocalyptic tale of love, bravery, and the many obscure pains of growing up.

Thereafter will, as mentioned above, be released on a chapter by chapter basis via Buttondown. To subscribe to the release of Thereafter chapters, please see the introductory post or just go straight to my Buttondown site to subscribe. Archived chapters can be found here

[fachefaucheux]

Why I Read (and write) Romance

Yes, I know, I was doing that WriteFest thing and I really need to report back on it, but, hey. This is something that has been nagging at me even more pointedly than my obligation to give a decent update. So I thought I'd write on it for a little while so that maybe I can return to the humdrum business of research afterwards and actually focus on it for more than ten minutes at a go.

One comment that I get from time to time in feedback goes something like this:

Wow! You clearly put a lot of thought into the world-building of this story! So many details! So much depth! It's just too bad about all that romance stuff, otherwise I'd love this. :(

I'd be lying if I said this didn't make me discouraged at times. I'm sort of stuck in an in-between genre -- too much fantasy/historical bullshit for romance readers, and too much romance for fantasy nerds. But I think that I'd lose my passion for writing if I wrote about anything other than my niche interests. Those being, in no particular order: historical nonsense, the strange and macabre, and idiots in love. Today, I want to talk about the idiots.

I say idiots with the deepest, most heartfelt affection. At the end of the day, aren't we all idiots, at least about one thing or another? And, at the end of the day, none of us are bigger idiots than we are when we're in love, be it with an idea, a subject, or another person.

Romance readers come to the genre for different reasons. Some like the escapism, the fantasy. Others really like in-depth exploration of characters, and a really effective way to do that is to put two people together and play them off each other. But I think one of the key drives, at the heart of it all, is being seen. Being understood, to a certain degree, even if a reader doesn't prefer to see themselves transferred 1:1 onto the page as the main character.

Which I, for one, do not. The more 1:1 the MC is to me, the more I intrinsically cringe away and want to close the book. Much like how I approach dealing with last night's dishes moldering away in the sink, I have to come to terms with relating to characters sideways, sneaking up on the places where we overlap rather than confronting them head on. Romance is a safe place where I can look at those places where I overlap with characters -- both in good and ugly ways -- and process them.

This can be accomplished in any genre, really. But I feel like it's amplified to the max in romance. I think a big part of it for me is the aspect of choice. When I read about parents and children falling away from each other then coming back together, or siblings getting into arguments and hashing things out, there's almost always this sort of air of inevitability to it: this person is my blood, I am stuck with them whether I want them or not, so here's how I'm going to deal with it. Friendship has the element of choice, but it isn't often portrayed with the same level of emotional intensity and commitment that romance is. (At least in the modern, bog standard Western imagining of it. I'm 100% here for depictions of friendship from different times and places and in different scenarios where that intensity of feeling on point! But it's regrettably hard to find.)

Romance is special in that the love interest chooses the MC. The love interest has no inducement to commit themselves fully to this big bag of jumbled up parts that is the MC -- even in the good 'ol arranged marriage trope, there's no obligation to care, even if rings are exchanged. But the love interest sees both the good parts and the bad, accepts them, and commits 100% to loving them, at least once the last page is turned in a happily-ever-after romance. (Which is all I read -- I deal with enough depressing stuff in real life to want to inflict a bad end on myself in my free time.) And it very often goes both ways -- something the MC once considered weird/unsightly about the LI suddenly becomes beautiful when viewed through the lens of knowing them. Or, at the very least, those warts become understandable. Relatable. Worth it.

That choice, that decision to take the leap and jump into a romantic relationship with all its attendant commitments, comes from that place of understanding. Of having seen enough of the MC (or LI) to understand why he must always get out of bed each morning on the left foot, or why he is suspicious of everyone, or full of shame, or why he can't ever be bothered to remember to lock the front door. Maybe these particularities are just something that need to be accepted, or maybe they're something that the character is actively working to overcome. Either way, that action, through the lens of love and romance, is at least seen by the other half of the equation. Even if full understanding sometimes remains a bit out of reach.

And by watching these people bumble through life, coming to see each other's parts and fighting to understand them, I think that readers also feel seen through them, in a secondhand way. Or even come to a new way of seeing themselves, by having that one bad habit they can never quite shake perceived not through the lens of their own self-critical thoughts, but by a lover who thinks of it as a strength rather than a fault.

Of course, this is not the end-all-be-all of romance. Some things are just, you know, neat. Fun. Enjoyable. Make the good brain chemicals flow. But I think what separates the "fun to read" romances from the ones that hit me really hard are the ones where a degree of mutual understanding is achieved between the characters. Maybe I could also achieve this with something besides a romantic relationship. But...well. 

All the romance business just makes the hard work of coming to terms with each other and ourselves more fun.

[ja-khajay]

Tagged by @ervona to post about 5 songs I've been listening to lately! Making a little mix and match playlist based on the half dozen tracks on my phone and songs I've recently discovered. I will detail a bit about each under the cut :)

Nouar - Cheika Rimitti (rai)

Twilight of the Thunder god - Amon Amarth (metal)

What's Golden - Jurassic 5 (hiphop)

Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel (pop)

Potions - Puscifer (? rock ?)

NOUAR

A few months ago, the combination of discovering a rai playlist on Spotify based on an artist I listen to with friends and another discovery of a radio station that exclusively plays north african and middle eastern music, the latter which became my go-to listen on the way from work for a while, I discovered this specific track. It's a huge niche hit, unknown to the general public but racking up in the millions of views online among fans of the genre and it's easy to see why! This is an absolutely hypnotic track which cleverly layers it's intrument with a catchy sung melody, periodically cut by the rythmic choir repeating its title. The main singer in the dialog has an outstanding voice and this all makes for a looping, hooking listening experience that makes you want to play it forever.

Twilight of the Thunder God

In a very different vibe, we have a track that perfectly matches it's overdesigned, historically based (yet inaccurate) cheesy madness of an album cover. This is the only song if this band I'm familiar with as a big hit. Power metal is among some of my favorite genres of music of all time, especially in it's overbearing energy and gratuitous use of double-pedals on the kick drum, fast bass and general theatrics. While I'm not a fan of growled vocals, this track compensates in my mind with one of THE catchiest hooks I know of in the genre. When I listen to TofTG, it's because I suddently remember it one day and get instantly compelled to download it on my phone and scream its lyrics at the sky until it leaves my head where it's stuck. This can take weeks...

What's Golden

Yet another radio discovery! I'm shamefully bad at hiphop, despite liking the genre a lot, no-one around me listened to it for ages so I don't have similar backlog as in other genres and as such as a grown adult am discovering it all with enthusiasm. This song sums up so many aspects I love in the genre which i'll definitly be using to nail what specific sub-genres are my favorite some day... catchy with a great flow and an instrumental that hooks you, it's impossible to not nod along to the beat and drop what I'm doing to listen to the full thing when it comes up on my playlist.

Sledgehammer

Yeah yeah it's a classic you all know it. And for a reason! This is one of, if not the only song I know which I can't separate from it's music video. I typically dislike MVs and prefer listening to music in pure audio format, but Sledgehammer comes with such a well crafted, wlel synched and creative film attached that it's always playing in my head when I hear it. This song was introduced to me by a mutual a few years ago which I'll be tagging in this post later as a thank you! I don't get its appeal as a dancey song, but it's definitly a track to dramatically walk to, which is probably the appeal the rest of this site sees in Once in a Lifetime...

Potions

For the nerds in the audience, this is a Reznor and Maynard collab so you know what you're getting into. The first thing that strikes me in this track is how loud the bass is - it turns the classic rock instrumental it's made from into something else that's just slightly overwhelming. And on top of that, very delicate vocals detail a raw, simple story of love and addiction. Where I chose this song above the many others of the band I'd been listening to a lot last month is this particular theme it has fits very well with a book series I'm reading right now, and it was easy for me to let my mind fly away with it on...:)

***

Runner ups: The Shame Of Life - Butthole Surfers / Ai vist to Lop - Mont-Jòia / Feuer Frei! - Rammstein / For me, Formidable - Charles Aznavour / It Mek - Desmond Dekker & the Aces

***

Tagging, your turn! @steamclouds @prolibytherium @internationalspacehobo @paristonhilll

[aerodaltonimperial]

I did promise that I would try to explain how horrible (soul-crushing) the publishing world is, so at least people understood that I’m standing on the wreckage of all my self-confidence, so here’s the super abridged version. I suspect most people don’t know what it takes to be trad published—for our purposes here, trad published is going to be published by a major publisher with distribution. Normally this is the Big 5 but some of the smaller houses would still count here. We are not counting indie pubs here, because they have no distribution (meaning they are not in libraries or book stores), and I have already had experience with them and it was horrifically disappointing.

So you’ve written a book. That’s great. Now you have to try and find a literary agent, because you can’t submit to any of the Big 5 (normally) without an agent doing it for you, so you have to embark into the query trenches. Querying is where you spend a shit-ton of time researching lit agents (and weeding out the schmagents and the agencies with bad reps by trolling forums and somehow tapping into a whisper network; yeah, good luck with that if you aren’t in the biz already) and then you send them a little letter about your book and anywhere from 5 to 25 pages of the manuscript itself (depending on what they ask for, and every agent is different). The opening pages, so you’ve hopefully spent three weeks constantly tearing those pages apart and re-writing them, because you have approximately 3 seconds to be AMAZINGLY GOOD and catch their eye.

Agents all rep different age categories and genres. You have to filter through them to find the ones that rep what you write, and are open to queries (many are NEVER open, or open only to referrals from existing clients, or open only to expensive conference live-pitches, so again, good luck!) Some of them will throw up MSWLs (manuscript wish lists) and then you might find one that is asking for something very similar to what you wrote, and can toss it their way. Depending on what you write, you might have 30 agents to query (niche genres) or 100 agents to query (romance, women’s fiction, thrillers).

Agents are extremely busy. On average, the response time can be anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 years (no, I’m not kidding). Most of the lit agencies have a rule where you can’t submit to more than one agent at a time, so you are stuck waiting for the first rejection before you can query another agent there, and in at least a third of the situations, you will simply never get it. You’ll have to mark it as “closed, no response” after about 120 days and assume it’s a no. Some agencies STILL run by the “no from one is a no from all” which is BULLSHIT so you have to REALLY HOPE the one agent in the agency you picked to query will like your shit cause you can’t query anyone else.

And then you wait for the responses to roll in. Most will be form rejections. A few might be requests for more (partial or full manuscripts). And like I said, probably a third or higher will simply never get back to you. Ever. Generally, after about 6 months, you are probably done querying, with some outliers who will take a year to get back to you if they do at all.

If you get LUCKY and one of them requests your full manuscript, hooray! Now you get to wait even longer while they read it. If you are VERY VERY lucky, that agent might offer representation on it. They have to really love it. They will ask you for a call (these are all done via Zoom or the like, nowadays). Sometimes, you might get an R&R—or, a revise & resubmit, where the agent asks for changes. There is no guarantee that doing them will please them enough to get an offer on it. General consensus is that R&Rs only slightly raise your odds for getting an offer, and about 70% of them will still result in a rejection.

Fun thing about getting an offer of rep: industry standard is that you ask for 2 weeks to contact all the OTHER agents who still have your query and/or materials so you can let them know that you have an offer. And this is where my LEAST FAVORITE FUCKING PART of this industry comes in. It’s practically the tenet that publishing was built on—people only want shit that someone else already wants. Any outstanding queries, you “nudge” to let them know you have an offer and your timeline. Any outstanding submissions, you let them know they gotta read fast. You WILL get a shit ton of agents asking for your manuscript here, because SUDDENLY SOMEONE ELSE WANTS IT so it must be great. (On my only successful manuscript, my request rate for materials was 8% pre-offer. After my offer, it shot up to 60%. I will die furious about this.)

You may, if you are super duper lucky, even get multiple offers, and then you have to decide which agent you are going to choose.

So if you get this far, GOOD JOB. You have beaten 95% of the other writers out there. You are still doing all of this for free. And you still have more to go through! From here on out, now that you are with an agent, you get to go on “submission,” where your agent sends your book out to editors that they have (hopefully) matched up genres/likes with. And it’s just like querying, only your agent does it instead of you, and you sit at home and wait EVEN MORE TIME for overworked, underpaid editors to somehow fall in love with your book.

Maybe one of them does! Then you get to go to something called “second reads.” This is where the whole TEAM at the publishing house reads it and most of the time, they all have to agree. Then you have to go to ACQUISITIONS, which is a meeting at the publishing house where the editor has to pitch your book and ask the rich CEOs for money to offer on it. Your book can die at any one of these milestones: it can be rejected by editors, it can be rejected at second reads, and it can be refused at acquisitions. This process takes anywhere from 1 day (if you are super lucky and probably shit gold) to 2 years, and when all the editors are exhausted, your book is officially dead on sub.

If you DO HAPPEN TO GET THROUGH THIS and get an ACTUAL BOOK DEAL, you are the lucky 1%. And you might finally, FINALLY, get paid for the work you have done. (In installments, spread out over years, depending on how much of an advance you get.)

Or, like a whooooole bunch of us, you end up figuring out that your agent, for whatever reason, isn’t working for you. Maybe you want to write a genre next that they don’t rep. Maybe they leave the industry for whatever reason. Maybe you have a mismatch of communication/expectations/needs. Maybe they suck at being an agent and stop doing what they are supposed to do (like mine). And then you end up either leaving your agent or getting dropped by your agent, and you are back to square one all over again.

Remember that every time you have to query again, or go on submission again, you have to have a new book ready. The people who succeed at this industry have time, money, and luck; the more of those you have, the better you will do. A LARGE number of writers are bankrolled by a partner and/or parent and/or generational wealth who pays the bills for them, because otherwise, it’s pretty damn hard to find enough time to write as much as you need to.

And every single one of those rejections is going to eat away at you, inch by inch by inch, until you’ve amassed more than 150 of them representing all the times you just weren’t fucking good enough. Then you have to decide: do I keep doing this? It’s been years. It’s been double digit books. How much of my life and time am I going to waste on this fruitless quest? And I guess that’s the question you gotta answer lol.

[lostcarnations]

I’ll preface this by saying that I hope and pray that this post reaches its extremely niche target audience (people that like Oscar Wilde, Good Omens, and paranormal/dark history Quite A Bit), as it’ll not be nearly as fun to people that don’t enjoy all three. That said,

I was going through the Wikipedia page for Eccles Cakes, because my brain had gotten stuck on the line and I’d been repeating “Eccles Cake?” to myself all day. Anyways, the point is, I’d gotten to the part about similar cakes they periodically get mixed up with when I spotted THIS:

This, in and of itself, is unremarkable. However, me being an Oscar Wilde fan first and reasonable second, I noticed a striking resemblance to the name for the ailing fictional character invented by Algernon Moncrieff in The Importance of Being Earnest (who conveniently suffers bouts of exceptionally bad health whenever Algy’s relations invite him to something dull.)

While this may seem like a stretch to the untrained eye, it is a well documented historical fact that Jack Worthing, the play’s protagonist, is named for the seaside town in the south of England where Oscar Wilde wrote the play. As such, it is not an unnatural conclusion that he would do something similar with Bunbury’s name.

So, naturally, I went to the Wikipedia page for the Importance of Being Earnest. While I did not find anything in the page’s primary text, I did find this in the notes:

According to a Wikipedia note, I’d been corroborated by noted spiritualist and occult researcher Aleister Crowley (who, as an aside, Neil Gaiman has confirmed on tumblr that Our Crowley is named after, along with the town of Crawley). It is well documented that Aleister (as this is tumblr, and referring to him by his surname would inevitably lead to confusion) knew Wilde, which would hypothetically give him authority on the matter. Now, as much as I’d love to say that I’m the type of person to see that their theory has been corroborated and be happy and done with it, the American school system has done nothing if not engender an inherent distrust of Wikipedia in me. As such, I did some digging around the internet, and what I wound up finding was that every single site making this claim traced its evidence back to this book:

The book is $50. The author, Timothy D’Arch Smith, has a bio describing him as a “bibliographer, antiquarian bookseller (author’s note: oh my god he’s an antiquarian bookseller), and author, whose wit and scholarly predilections – Montague Summers (see Bibliographies), Aleister Crowley, rock 'n' roll, and cricket (see Games and Sports) – inform his contribution to the genre.” My question is,

Regardless, I think it’s really fun how all of my silly little interests intersected here and I needed to yell about it

[flashbic]

Hey you! It's your turn... How's Brad Dourif? Do you still rewatch LOTR? Any fanfic in progress?

I've noticed that you have been blogging about Cartouche. What drew you to that story?

I hope you are doing well!!

Heyyyy!! Not all that active in the Dourif fandom these days myself, but i mean, you follow me, you've probably seen me still reblog the occasional gifset :p A whole lot of trivia about the guy and the movies he's in still occupies space in my brain rent-free after all these years, ain't getting rid of that at this point. Actually did a whole LOTR rewatch around last fall and got to see a projection of Return of the King with a live orchestra playing the soundtrack! It was so, so good <3 (did i cry when they brought on a lady to sing Into the West? Yes.)

The Big Cartouche Fanfic is currently on hold because i'm stuck on it, so i've been focussing on small oneshots! Still, if you remember anything about the fics i wrote back then, you know i never did much beyond very short-form stuff; it's still wild to me that i managed to stay focussed enough to get to almost 50k on the same project.

I've always enjoyed capes-et-épées stories (i guess the closest english term for that genre would be "swashbuckler"? I dunno that sounds more "pirates" to me"), but a lot of period pieces tend to focus more on court intrigues and rich people backstabbing each other, which tends to be less my jam*? The old Cartouche cartoon took this kind of setting i liked, and mixed it with more of a Robin Hood vibe! And they have a whole cute ensemble cast! It's also one of those rare-ish kids shows where the main characters are actual adults, and that probably drew me to it back then too. Falconi, the one character i draw a whole lot, has always kinda remained a bit of a comfort character to me; look back far enough on my blog and you'll find little drawings of him every couple of of years! He's a angry guy with a sad backstory, what can I say, im a simple man writing him a big stupid redemption arc has been very entertaining, i have feelings about it

* i say that, but i HAVE been reading a whole lot of History books for about a year now and the ones that include all the petty, ridiculous details about these people are My Favorites. PLEASE, Jean-Christian Petitfils, tell me more about the time Philippe d'Orléans whacked himself in the face with a tennis racket, this is the content i crave

Anyways, what lead to this current bout of absolute brainrot is i was reading up on the show, and then opened a few wikipedia pages for the couple of characters who are named after real people. Then on my birthday i went to the bookstore and they just. happened to have a very neat biography of Philippe d'Orléans?? (it's the Thierry Sarmant one, it has pictures) And now i have far too many books and know a whole lot of trivia about a very niche time period. It's been a good time! For me, anyways, because everyone else who knows me probably thinks i've been insufferable. It's the hyperfixation, babey!~

Hope you're doing well too, my friend! Namarie!!

[mermaidsirennikita]

I'm really interested to hear your thoughts on Flowers From the Storm. I had mixed feelings about it. I liked how problematic the hero was, it felt very real for him as a rake to be a shitty person (even if I don't love the evil baby mama plot trope). I just found that the heroine did not work for me. But that plot was absolutely wild, and having just read Kleypas' Prince of Dreams I'm kinda missing the truly bonkers plots of old school historical romances.

I finished it last night, and I hope you don't mind me publishing this because while I get that it isn't for everyone (though I'll be real, I don't get the absolute haters for this book--I literally had someone on GR comment "don't read it, it's horrible" when I put this under Want to Read, unprovoked, and I'd never spoken to this person before lol) it is pretty undeniably a huge book on a genre level, imo. To do the shit this book did at the point in time that it did is kind of massively daring. And I do think that while there are some big swings and BIG MISSES from older historicals in terms of plot, I personally feel like part of the reason why the subgenre is going through such a slump in terms of popularity is that it doesn't swing as much anymore. Trad is trying to make historicals feel smaller, safer, more homey, like a lot of popular contemporaries.

The thing is that the audience for contemporaries wants those contemporaries. Just going outside of those small scale books (no shade, it's totally fine if that's your thing) is too much for a lot of people who consider that their niche. The readers who do NOT want those contemporaries don't want a book just because it's not a romcom. The books have to embrace their genres. If I'm going to read a fantasy romance, I want it to take big swings; same for historicals, paranormals, sci-fi romances. Even books that I consider fairly safe and homey for their subgenre, like Ice Planet Barbarians, are still so much wackier than those safe contemporaries. So HR, imo, is not going to pick up again until we see more of those BIG SWING books.

Anyway, onto Flowers from the Storm.

--I get why Maddy is a frustrating heroine to many, but I think I really liked that about her. She felt very authentic. Often, we see heroines who ostensibly have these "of the times" convictions in historicals, but then really don't follow through on a big level. I fucking love Scandalous Desires and I see no issue with this take, but Silence is a heroine like that--she's a Quaker, and it basically translates to "being good and a little sanctimonious". She caves without regret when she gets with Mickey, and she's letting him eat her out against a wall in no time.

I liked that Maddy's religious (and social) convictions as a Quaker MATTERED to her, and it made the moment towards the end feel a lot bigger. It made the act of her falling in love with Christian, essentially against her will, much bigger. She would have done basically ANYTHING to avoid loving him, because to her, being in love with him meant not only displeasing God and her community, but giving up what she'd always known and what she believed was the morally right thing. But she literally couldn't help falling in love with him. The feeling was too immense.

--I've never suffered the kind of TBI Christian suffered, and I don't have a lot of (close) people in my life who have, but based on things I've heard and read it felt like Kinsale made a big effort to accurately (or as accurately as possible) portray the immense frustration and confusion he felt during recovery. It was genuinely horrifying to read his early perspective--still the same person, stuck in his own mind, with all this knowledge right at his fingertips while being unable to grasp it. He knew what he wanted to communicate, he just didn't know how, and that is... terrifying. And devastating.

At the same time, I think the book (and his POV specifically) could've been a suffer-slog that would've ended up being more condescending than helpful, if not for the way that Kinsale so brilliantly made it clear that Christian WAS still himself. Like, yes, he was being horribly abused in this awful institution, but also... He was a haughty duke who thought himself better than the people abusing him, wanted to wear fancy clothes, and pretty quickly was devising ways to fuck this Quaker.

--Even though the sex is relatively light (I mean, pretty solid for the early 1990s in a historical, and in my opinion hotter than For My Lady's Heart but of course nowhere near my beloved Shadowheart) I found this book immensely sexy. And I want to say, I do think this was a really progressive move for the era in which the book was written. Christian is disabled, he is most definitely a fully grown adult man who can consent (whether or not he can verbalize his consent is another thing for much of the book), and he wants to, and very much can, FUCK. He can and does seduce--for a lot of the book, lol.

When we consider not only the depiction of disabled people in romance at the time (practically nonexistent) but the depiction of disabled people onscreen... Especially when the disability was related to the brain and communication the way Christian's is--there is such an infantilization, and there really still is on a very real level. The idea that because someone is disabled, they can't consent, they can't want sex and romance, they can't take an active role in procuring those things for themselves. It's so condescending and dehumanizing, and I really loved that the book didn't do that to him.

I mean, the cultural perceptions surrounding these issues are so real that I still see multiple reviews on GR saying that they felt uncomfortable with the sex scenes because they saw Christian as "infantile". At no point in this man's perspective is he EVER infantile. He's frustrated at points, which causes him to lash out in anger, something I doubt I would be able to resist in his position. He has a hard time getting words out, something he progressively improves upon over time (though, I did appreciate that the book ends with Christian still not having the exact same speaking style he had before his stroke, and the reality that some functions are just probably never going to be the exact same). He's fully an adult man.

But because there is that PERCEPTION, people just override that and somehow find him having (mutually enjoyable, loving) sex with Maddy uncomfortable. I mean, all the books where the hero kidnaps the heroine or basically forces her to have sex with him are fine, I guess, but a disabled man fucking hard is apparently distressing.

Anyway, long and short of it is, as someone who considers sex in romance novels to be incredibly important................... I thought that bit where he talked Hamlet to her before yanking her skirts up while she was all "BUT WE CAN'T FUCK NOW!!!!! IT'S DAYLIGHT!!!!!" was so.... delightful. I also really liked Maddy's sexual journey; it's a great awakening arc, and it obviously is such a huge metaphor for her very literally becoming a woman of the world and earthbound in a way that I don't think she allowed herself to be prior.

--Great cast of supporting characters. Love Durham and his dipshittery. Love Fane being like "you know Maddy I would fuck you if you wanted me to" in front of Christian. Loved Maddy's dad who clearly wanted her to get with hot math duke from day one. Loved Christian's aunt, who like, sucked on a lot of levels but was also hilariously and dumb practical in a way I appreciated. Walked in on them making out on the floor and went "well at least you're not gonna have an issue with getting her pregnant :/".

--I actually don't have a big issue with the baby mama plot, tbh. Could Eydie have been a more dimensional character? Yeah, but I find certain character types to be like... really symbolic of the era, and I don't mind them. She's very daytime soap, and I personally like those characters. To be honest, a lot of her behavior made sense to me, as a woman of the era and in her situation. Was it like, great behavior? No, but I didn't find a lot of it inherently evil so much as it was asshole-ish, but in a way in which I understood why she was that kind of person. I don't think that girl had much of a chance, and I appreciated that Christian even inwardly acknowledged that he basically led Eydie on. She was desperate for him to propose, it seemed like he might, and then she got stuck with this shitty husband. Popped out a couple of sons for that husband, finally got the guy she'd been pining for since before she was married into her bed, he got her pregnant and then maybe DIED??? Came back from the dead, doesn't want her or (in her perspective) their child. Now she's doing really poorly financially, with a kid she has a lot of mixed feelings about..........

Honestly, it was all kind of worth it to me for the scene where he looks down at his own baby like it's a kitten he's told the kids he's NOT keeping, and then slowly is like "fuck it I'm keeping it". Like, he really loves that baby, as much as he very much doesn't want to. This is really a book about loving people you don't wanna love, lol.

--The ending was fabulous, no notes, what a moment, couldn't even begin to handle that shit. "I WILL WAIT OUTSIDE FOR FIVE MINUTES AND IF YOU AREN'T THERE IN FIVE MINUTES I'LL BE GONE FOREVER" and then it cuts to him like "it had been over an hour and he was still there".

So yeah, 11/10, I loved it/

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading roundup: February 2024

I literally completely forgot I needed to do this oopsie poopsie

WHAT DID I READ IN FEBRUARY!!! LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!!!!

Rouge (Mona Awad, 2023) - listen. there are some very cool ideas in this book, and it's definitely big creepy in places. some of the childhood flashbacks, in particular, had me shrieking with pure dread. but ultimately my issue with this book is the same as my issue with Awad's most well-known novel, Bunny: I would just... kind of like to understand what's going on? like even a little bit? at literally any time? you don't need to explain everything, but man, give me something. vibes alone do not make a meal, and I left this book not really feeling fed.

Our Share of Night (Mariana Enríquez, trans. Megan McDowell 2023) - god, this book makes you WORK FOR IT, but I'm glad I stuck it out. Enríquez has written a fucking doorstopper of intergenerational drama, about an Argentinian family deeply embroiled in a cult that worships something otherworldly and... hungry. perpetually sickly Juan is the Order's prized prophet, but after his wife's death is orchestrated by her own mother he becomes determined to get their young son, Gaspar, away from the Order's control by any means necessary. a wrenching read that swings through every kind of horror, swinging from the supernatural to Argentina's military dictatorship in the 70s to the AIDS epidemic in the 80s and 90s to an absolutely brutal ending.

Red String Theory (Lauren Kung Jessen, 2024) - some of you may recall that Lauren Kung Jessen wrote Lunar Love, one of my favorite romance novels of last year thanks to a zodiac-obsessed protagonist who's (unintentionally) giving major Rebecca Bunch pre-diagnosis in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend vibes. Red String Theory also has a female lead obsessed with mythological matchmaking, so I was really hoping for another unhinged queen, but please don't make my mistake: everyone in this book is devastatingly hinged, and the only real conflict is two characters who like each other from the jump repeatedly coming up with unsatisfying excuses for why they can't date each other. my least favorite was "we'll only in the same city for A YEAR," which is absolutely hogshit wild. "only a year." get out of here. I hate you guys.

Drinking from Graveyard Wells (Yvette Lisa Ndlovu, 2023) - a tiny short story debut by Ndlovu, a Zimbabwean sarungano. one of my very favorite genre of short story collections is "women having a bad time taken up to 11," and god does this deliver. Ndlovu writes about the many indignities heaped upon Zimbabwean women at home and abroad, weaving together tight stories about misogyny, war, poverty, and immigration with restless spirits, bored gods, ignored wise women, and unsatisfactory afterlives. there's a story about a near future in which diamond miners are purposefully set up and sacrificed to an angry underground god to create more diamonds that was so fucking clever, and the final story - the titular Drinking from Graveyard Wells - was just... an absolutely perfect short story. suspenseful and eerie and just enough of a hint of explanation to really chill you. chef's kiss.

It Happened One Summer (Tessa Bailey, 2021) - shout out to all of my patreon supporters who voted to make me read another Tessa Bailey book; you truly wish darkness and despair upon me. here's the insane thing about this book: if you just completely ignore the actual central romance, it's just a sweet book about an infinitely likeable young woman unplugging from her shallow socialite life and finding a new niche reviving her deceased father's bar in a tiny fishing town in Washington. it's like, you know, the plot of a pretty okay disney channel original movie? it's no Minute Men or High School Musical, but it's cute. it's a solid Dairy Girls or Princess Protection Program. but then there's the love interest, who's just a fucking tool all the way down. reader, I kept wishing he would get swept over the rigging of his own crab boat and die ingloriously at sea. this guy sucks so bad. also the sex scenes were identical to the ones in Unfortunately Yours and they did not taste any better reheated. fascinating treatise on cishetero gender norms, rancid romance. I wrote a whole thing about it on my patreon if you're into that kind of nastiness.

[crazykuroneko]

Tbh I think a lot casual viewers / non book fans are probably going to not continue the show after s2 unless it diverges quite drastically on louis's storyline? iwtv is very bleak and I genuinely think they underestimated how much show viewers ended up hating lestat after s1 (and they may end up in a similar situation with armand in s2) and then you're asking the audience to watch an entire season of this guy's whole backstory. plus you're killing off one of the two likable characters by the end of s2 and shifting louis into more a side character.

a big red flag to me was the lady who hosts the podcast who doesn't have a book background saying a lot of the same stuff as show-only people. like she clearly does not like lestat or loustat at all lmao and its literally her job to promote the show.

First, I want to address the "shifting louis into more a side character" because no I don't agree with that. Contrary to fans believe, Hollywood-standard wise (from the number of episodes they are in, how integral their characters are to the story), both Jacob and Sam have been considered as lead actors/cast of IWTV. You can see industry news outlets calling them both as such. But because IWTV is about Louis' past specifically and AMC knew IWTV still has some hope in Emmys even though it's small, they put them in different categories to not split the votes between them (they even only submit one actor in each category for it). So, look at what we have now, Louis is the narrator yet we still get Lestat in all episodes, and he's leading the NOLA narrative forward together with Louis despite not existing in the Dubai narrative. I bet we'll still get Lestat in most, if not all episodes, in S2, because Rolin has said many many times, the show is about both of them. And I expect they'll do the same in TVL season(s); Lestat is telling the story while Louis is leading whatever will be going on in the modern time. (No, i don't believe they'll make Louis stuck on a couch the whole season to listen to Lestat's story even though it sounds tasty. He'd definitely have a way to know what Lestat's saying, but I don't see anything good writing-wise from sticking your well-developed character in one place for such a long time)

About whether the audience will be willing to listen to Lestat's past, I'll see how S2 goes first before judging that. A lot of people don't like him, but there are a lot of them who are like, "I will miss him if he dies, he's an interesting character".

And IWTV is a niche show, its genre is gothic horror/romance. Who the hell is doing gothic romance for a series in this decade? (Hannibal doesn't count, it's not gothic and still about will/won't they). Like, what AMC is doing with IWTV now is extremely daring. And with a niche show, it's always the same: you can't please everyone. There will always be part of the general audience who will leave because either it's simply not their cup of tea or they can't stomach it. Especially now when there's this purity sentiment going so strongly in general (apparently now we shouldn't ship fictional characters, every sex scene has to have a grand purpose, and you shouldn't watch any portrayal of abuse even though it's produced by the victim herself). God forbid IWTV would ever want to please those people yikes. So, IWTV won't ever get as "mainstream" as what, Succession, Ted Lasso, Better Call Saul. But IWTV would still appeal to people who appreciate good writing, people who are "idc how bad the characters are as long as they're exciting!", and people who really love horror (not that "comfort horror" BS) - there's this review of IWTV from an horror website who is like "I wish they gave us more gore and horror of vampires", oh these people would love S2.

So, tl;dr you could say it's a natural selection (hell yes Darwinism), it's inevitable. I'd rather have that audience leave than stay and ruin fans' experience by whining about the plot that won't ever satisfy them. And I'd always applaud writers who don't give a shit to what people say and stick to what they're meant to do. They slay!

EDIT: ah I forgot about this. but don't underestimate the number of old fans who will probably check the show again when the TVL season(s) come. Because no matter how big their hatred for AMC is, it will be the first time ever for TVL to be adapted on screen. First time in 38 years (yes no one considers QotD movie ever existed). That's too big a temptation!

[disregardcanon]

end of year writing meme 2023

Total Stories Written: 17

Total Words Written: 70,420

Average Words Per Story: 4,142

Shortest Story: Hair-Raising Tale, a Jonathan Sims character study

Longest: The Maid of Honor Made Them Do It, a Hatchetfield horror-comedy

Most Kudos: If You Show a God-Child Some Kindness, He'll Never Let You Go i really just hit the kairotic jackpot with this one, considering when i posted and the energy within the fandom

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

since i've finally lowered my expectations on word count from when i was a lonely high school and college student, i'd say i wrote what i expected to write.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write most?

pairing: jackieshauna from yellowjackets! they had their own fic and had a smattering of moments throughout my other yellowjackets fics

genre: horror-comedy

fandom: yellowjackets

all fandoms from the year:

the owl house: 2

dragon age: absolution: 1

camp here and there: 1

wolf 359: 1

the magnus archives: 3

succession: 2

yellowjackets: 4

hatchetfield: 2

What  pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted  in January?

i didn't expect to get back into starkid of all things

Did you take any writing risks this year?

i wrote a lot of fics that i knew wouldn't really appeal to people, so i gave up a lot of comments and kudos i guess?

Do you have any fanfic or general writing goals for the new year?

i want to get back to writing melting pot. i make no promises, but it would be nice

From the past year of writing, what was your…

Best story of this year: God Honoring Cannibalism! this story has everything! the yellowjackets stuck in the woods, elaborating on crystal's character, historical research, cannibal musical references, lottielee romantically promising to eat each other, jackieshauna breaking each other's hearts, and i feel like it really works as a story just as much as a joke. hands down the thing i'm proudest of writing this year

Personal favorite: Flipping off the Devil this is a fic for small spaces, a middle grade horror series that i loved but that disappointed me a lot in the second half. it was a great way to explore what i think would have made the books stronger and it was really fun to work with the characters

Most  under-appreciated: part of your world (in which "world" means HELL) this w359 fic was a spinoff for a really cool supernatural inspired au. i thought i did a really good job of bringing alana maxwell's recruitment episode into it, but it was so niche that no one read it. disappointed, but understandable

Most fun to write: how the world was looking in the spring was so much fun. it let me do some fun historical research, write about grade school (which i LOVE) and give a fandom that doesn't get much fluff some very cute little lesbians <3

Story with the single sexiest moment: The Maid of Honor Made Them Do It. This is almost solely because it's the only fic that remembers sex exists, but also... stephanie lauter... it's not my fault your honor she's just <3 <3 <3

Most challenging to write: History's Longest Suicide Note! I'd been tinkering around with this tma fic for a very long time, and it was really hard to dig into the actual consequences of Jarchivist getting his way for the end of the world. Because it was NOT going to be pretty, and I wanted to try to show that to the best of my ability

Biggest disappointment: you can join the hive. i'm still not sure how well i captured the dynamics in this, and since it's a fic about travis martinez in yellowjackets i certainly wasn't going to get. like. positive feedback from the fandom, sigh.

Favorite character to write: grace chastity! it's a joy to write for all the hatchetfield characters, but grace just brings such a funny and tragic chaos to whatever she's in

Favorite opening lines:

Jess Jordan knew how to handle Kendall Roy. She’s been doing it for years, after all. She’s been there since he was young and freshly married and thought he was going to make some ethical super-company entirely separate from his father. She’s been with him through an adoption, a birth, multiple stints in rehab, multiple separations from Rava, a divorce, the death of his father and then his installation of a fascist.

A Frog Leaves Her Pot

Favorite closing lines:

The Wilderness did not get to keep them; it never truly had them in this world at all, thanks to a weird little theater kid and a devout Christian who watched a movie.

God Honoring Cannibalism

Other favorite lines:

So Amity grins wide, baring her teeth, as she holds a hand up towards her face in that intimidating, condescending way that she used to do so often and deftly. “So what does that make you?” She looks him up and down, trying to send him her most condescending look. “The Emperor’s abomination?” 

I Tried to Get Better (How Did You Make Me Worse?)

“I’ll try- try to figure out some way for us to be normal again, okay Soph?” her mom asks. Sophie Roy, uberwealthy transracial adoptee who doubts she could ever be "normal", nods awkwardly. Then her mom helps them get settled at the table and they eat dry, slightly burnt waffles together and drink average coffee.

You're Not Elected, Sophie Roy

“I saw what happened to Jackie,” Javi tells him, eyes wide and scared, “ what you did .” Wait. Javi- Javi saw that? Is that what his brother sees every night when he wakes up screaming and Travis wonders, desperately, why Javi won’t just use that voice to talk to him ? 

Travis isn’t just a shitty big brother, one who’s sometimes mean and doesn’t stick up for him and steals his stuff- now he’s what haunts Javi’s nightmares.

you can join the hive

“We’re going to be counselors now!” Sydney chirps, “we get to mold the youth!” Jedidiah, frankly, would rather let mold grow on the youth than help them.

There's Nothing Wrong with Ohio

[pjplayground]

Pajama Twilight

Okay... THIS is the last Scout, I swear!

Bio: Pajama is the eldest of her brothers. She's very kindhearted and fair, and she helps out her mother whenever she can. In her spare time she likes to read books in her little cubby hole filled with quilts and pillows.

Basic Info Nicknames: PJ, Pudding, Jama-mama (by family only) Age: 22 Height: 5'6" Gender Identity: Cisgender (female, she/her) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual (preference for women) Medical Issues: Autism, Anxiety Can't Leave the House Without: Phone, book, hairbrush, hand sanitizer, wet wipes

Relationships Rosey - Mother, very good Candy - Sibling, older siblings gotta stick together Studio - Sibling, tries to get him out of his comfort zone Cupcake - Sibling, loves his treats Bubblegum - Sibling, reminds him to be considerate of others Rainbow - Sibling, trying to stop babying him

Powers Button Eyes - Causes her enemies to have buttons for eyes - just like her. Only difference is that her enemies can't see with their button eyes. Silence - For as long as she needs, she can remain invisible and silent for stealth missions. She could be anywhere. Pins and Needles - She likes to sew. She can summon needles that can used as projectiles. She'll always hit her targets with pinpoint accuracy. Threaded Web - She can use her special sewing thread to trap enemies. This can be done by making web-like structures, trip wires, net traps, etc. This thread cannot be cut by anyone other than Pajama. Dust Bunnies - As long as where she is has dust within her vicinity, she can create little dust bunnies that can be used as pawns or sentries. Magic Beam - She can make a simple blast of magic from her horn. This can used as a quick attack option. Levitation - She can also levitate things by using magic channeled through her horn, and this has no limit.

Miscellaneous Little Facts - She'll read all kinds of books, even the spicy ones. - Her entire personality was actually inspired by this one niche aesthetic I found on the aesthetics wiki called "Cozy Childhood Hideaway", and I love it so much. - She's also inspired by the song "STARSHINE (GOODNIGHT)" by Six Impala. - The buttons for eyes was inspired by - you guessed it - Coraline, which is one of my favorite movies of all time along with Meet the Robinsons. - Pajama prefers to dress in comfy clothes perfect for lounging. - Her favorite music genre is jazz. - She's not the best cook, but if need be she'll make some tasty bagel pizzas for her siblings. - Just like her brother Bubblegum, yes... her hair is really those colors naturally. - Pajama admits that her guilty pleasure is reality TV. What can she say, she loves the drama. - She won't eat popcorn. It gets stuck in her teeth. - She prefers veggie burgers over actual burgers... much to her family's dismay. - When she goes to MLP universes, she transforms to a pony form. - She takes a lot of vitamins and supplements.

Finally... all the Scouts have been introduced. I swear Pajama is the last one, I do! Check out her family when you get the chance. Candy... Studio... Cupcake... Bubblegum... Rainbow... Rosey...

[frociaggine]

8 and 12 for book asks plz!

8. Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

A few! I'm a very fast reader, so my personal goal for the year was mainly reading across a variety of genres / formats / authors than a specific number of works. I'm very happy with my range this year, and GR tells me I've passed my number reading goal, too, so yay for that. I read some very cool short stories collections this year, a habit I really want to keep up because punchy short stories are great.

Goals I didn't meet: I didn't get around to even starting the Wheel of Time reread I meant to (next year, though!) and I didn't read any Italian lit at all, only nonfic. Next year, though!

12. Any books that disappointed you?

A few! I'm usually pretty good at telling me what's going to be my speed and what I should just avoid / DNF early on, but there were still a few books that I stuck with and disappointed. A couple I really disliked (while liking previous works by the same author) were

Finlay Donovan Jumps the Gun by Elle Cosimano (mystery/romance) third book in a series that has become exponentially more unwieldy and not as fun as it was when I started it. The audiobook saves it, ngl (2/5 stars TO ME)

Admission by Jean Hanff Korelitz, navel-gazey sort of litfic about over-educated Ivy League ennui. That's the author's whole niche and I liked many of her books in the past because her prose is lovely, and she wrote one of my favourite books I read last year (The Plot) but this one was just A DRAG to get through. It took me months and stupidly, I kept going. (1/5 stars TO ME)

[end of year book asks!]

[studentofetherium]

quarter for your thoughts

if a penny is worth one thought, then 25 thoughts...

just finished watching Shinjuku Boys, and i think it was a really interesting film. i think it's cool to see a film focusing on trans men, when a lot of historic queer films tend to focus on trans women, and i also always love films that focus on a specific niche subculture, in this case, trans men working at a host club

i've been getting back into regularly watching film this year, and it's been so fun. i really, really love film, and particularly over the last few weeks, ive been trying to explore films from countries i don't usually watch films from. Korea and China are the two ive been thinking about, but also Australia, and once i get through all that ive set aside for that, i keep this up, tho i'll decide where next later

purple is a really nice color, y'know?

my music taste last year was the most singular and consistent it's been since 2018, since i was listening to a lot of postrock and emo, particularly The World is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die, but this year i haven't really been stuck on any one genre or artist all that much, except maybe Owl City

i miss having air conditioning, but having an excuse to spend more time outside (where it's generally cooler than inside) has been nice

i need to read more. I have the Prose Edda and Understanding Media sitting on my desk, plus Ougimonogatari and Ikusamonogatari on my phone, and i wanna finish those before starting anything new

Svefn-g-englar is one of the most gorgeous songs i have ever heard

i keep thinking that i want to get back into keeping up with chika idol music, but there's just so much, and i haven't really followed it for a few years now, and i'm not listening to much current music these days anyway, so i keep putting it off

despite all the posts i'm making about Koyodachi, my takeaway from Ikusamonogatari is that Koyomi and Hitagi are truly perfect for each other. the whole relationship is so sweet, and it's great to see them have come so far together. the "18 years" motif is a little heavy-handed, but i think it's a great throwback to the origin of the series

i'm still not over how surreal it is to see covid brought up directly in a Monogatari novel, considering they all take place in the same general timeframe and ive been following these books since before the pandemic

i should reread Juuni Taisen. it's been a while

i'm coming to realize that i much prefer to write stories for my ocs than to come up with details to include in a planning document. it's just easier for me to create a character when i'm putting words in their mouth and thrusting them into situations, because that way i can get an idea of how i feel about them as a character. i'm also more of a storyteller than a write (meaningless distinction), so i naturally find it easier to tell stories

ive been pushing myself to watch more films this year, but ive also been trying to push myself to read more, and i'm hoping to finish some of the stuff that's been sitting on my bookshelf for years, unread

similarly, and back to movies, there's a lot of stuff ive bought and local video stores that i haven't watched, because i do most of my watching on the computer, and i really should start watching that stuff more

Caligula Effect is a fascinating game and i cannot wait until it's cool enough in my room that i can play more, because it sounds like it only gets better from here

as i keep practicing Japanese, every now and then i think that i should try to read something in Japanese, but it always goes poorly and puts me off from trying it again... but it's been a while and i'm thinking that i should maybe try it again. something simple, but still, something

having self-confidence is so cool. i play up my pride a bit because i think it's funny, but i genuinely think it's really important to take pride in oneself and what one does because that's a really easy step towards a better mental health. thinking of myself not only as a good writer, but a great one has done wonders for me

i keep a sticky note on the wall behind my computer monitor with all the numpad codes for special characters that i use most often. my most used ones are —, Æ, and á

i haven't stopped thinking about the quote "can you really say a song is your favorite if you've only heard it once". it hasn't even been a year, but that has definitely led me to rethink the way i look at art, and in particular value returning to things i love more highly. my most recent Monogatari rewatch in particular has been an effect of that

having a girlfriend is so cool

i wish TJPW shows weren't all 3-4 hours long, because that makes it a slog to catch up

hey nuriel we don't talk much but you're a cool friend

i really should just commit to learning to draw. actually looking up tutorials, actually practicing with regularity, etc. all my efforts in the past have been half-hearted, but i really should commit myself to it one of these days

i'm so excited to rewatch Adolescence of Utena in a couple days, even more than i'm excited to rewatch the ending of the tv show

i'm still trying to find a new hyperfixation! nothing has really landed, but i was getting into a couple new things (Ruina and Caligula) plus was about to commit to finishing some other stuff, but then the ac broke and that's totally thrown me off any sort of schedule, so i have to wait for that to be fixed before i can really get back into any of it

there we go :) 25 thoughts