#so which modern convenience makes the cut? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yuwuta · 10 months ago

Text

*TEST DRIVE — YUUTA OKKOTSU

❝I WILL NEVER LEAVE BY YOUR SIDE, DON’T YOU KNOW YOU GOT A RIDE OR DIE

pairings. okkotsu/reader, uhhh implied maki/nobara and sort of itadori/fushiguro but that’s not so important for now

warnings, themes. non-curse/modern au, marriage of convenience au, i thought long and hard about who would fit this trope best and all i can say is that i didn’t really pick just one in the end, so if this spirals in a wedding/marriage playlist, you’ve been warned, um… sort of implied possessive behavior on yuuta’s end but it’s only teased for now :)

word count. 2.5k i can yap about him all day

playing. test drive/ariana grande, going crazy/exo, heart of glass/blondie, idea/taemin, tipsy/chloe x halle

“I just heard the funniest joke from Inumaki,” Nobara says, welcoming herself into your apartment. You’re not surprised, and continue with your dessert preparations. Yuuji, to your left, spares her a wave, before going back to diligently preparing the vegetables.

Maki is the only one to respond by turning slightly in her seat to raise an eyebrow at Nobara when she walks up to the island, “Since when do you think Toge is funny?”

“Not usually,” Nobara admits, taking the neighboring open seat. She crosses her arms atop the counter, and squints at you, “But he surprised me this time.”

Your eyes fidget to Maki, who seems equally confused by Nobara’s unnerving stare, then to Yuuji, who appears none the wiser, because he happily chirps, “Well, I wanna hear it! Tell us, Kugisaki!”

“He said that it was soooo kind of you to share your anniversary date with Yuuta and have us all over for dinner,” Nobara drawls, “Then I got confused, of course—but then I thought, ‘Maybe they’re secretly together and I just didn’t know. Wouldn’t be a huge surprise.’”

You flinch at that, “What do you mean that wouldn’t be a huge sur—”

“This is the funniest part, though,” Nobara squints, “He said that you’re actually married, and he meant that today is your wedding anniversary. He was pretty convincing, though. He’s very committed to the bit—even challenged me to ask you at dinner, but I figured I’d straighten it out now,” she drawls, reaching over to steal a cucumber slice from Yuuji’s station, “You’re not actually married to Yuuta, right?”

You pause, for too long. Maki’s disbelief shifts from Nobara to you, morphing into a threatening glare that makes you chuckle nervously. Yuuji keeps turning his head between you and Nobara, waiting for one of you to crack.

It’s not her. “Okay… define married,” you mumble.

Nobara all but jumps across the island, standing up and slamming her palms on the counter top. “What do you mean ‘define married’—there’s only one definition!” Yuuji frantically sweeps his preciously sliced vegetables out of her range. “You’re either married to Okkotsu or you’re not, which is it?”

You pause again. Too long this time.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” Maki says, “It’s true? Toge says that shit all the time, how he can ‘still hear wedding bells’ when you two are around. Oh, I’m going to be sick.”

“Wait, you’re married?” Yuuji quips, “Since when? You should have told me, I would have gotten you a present!”

“Okay, okay—enough!” you yell, taking a step back, “It’s… true, but it’s not what you think. Yuuta and I are legally married, but we’re not together together.”

Nobara reaches to flick you on the forehead, “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means, we’re married on paper only,” you explain, strategically placing your knife in the sink, far out of Maki and Nobara’s reach.

“Say more words,” Maki demands, “Now.”

You sigh. Even Yuuji has paused his preparations, blinking at you with those big, wide eyes, and you know for sure there’s no way out of this now.

“It happened four years ago. I—”

Despite being the one who asked you to say more, Maki is the first to cut you off, incredulous, “Four years? You’ve been married to that beanstalk for four years and neither one of you twigs thought to mention it?”

“Maki, let her finish,” Yuuji pitches in for you, reaching a comforting hand out to your shoulder, “Maybe she was dying and needed Okkotsu-senpai to sign her insurance papers so the government didn’t sweep her away! I saw that in a K-Drama once,” he smiles proudly. Nobara pinches her face in disgust, immediately refuting and calling Yuuji an idiot for believing everything he sees on TV.

“Honestly, that’s not too far off. I’m not dying—and neither is Yuuta,” you hastily correct the worried faces peering at you, “But he was sick as a kid, and long story short is something got fucked up with his insurance when his parents died. It wasn’t a big deal, at first, but it spiraled into a bunch of issues, the biggest being the threat of taking his parents’ house away from him.”

Nobara pulls back, crossing her arms. “Why didn’t Gojo just do something then? That idiot has more than enough money to spare for some petty hospital bill, even with twenty years of interest.”

“He did,” you assure her, “But then the house became its own problem. His parents didn’t leave the deed in his name, and the community board tried to say that Yuuta had no assets and wasn’t a favored candidate for their neighborhood, even if he was their son.”

“That’s bullshit,” Maki interjects.

“Yeah, totally not fair,” Yuuji pouts, “That’s his dead parents’ house and they wanted him to prove himself?”

“Pretty much,” you sigh, “Basically marriage is something that helped prove his eligibility… plus some doctored philanthropic donations on Gojo’s end, and letters of recommendation from Shoko and her co-workers.”

Nobara tuts her bottom lip out. “I don’t know, I’m not buying it.”

“No, it makes sense. I’m sure by now all his parents’ neighbors are a bunch of uptight, old heads who didn’t want some kid throwing parties nearby,” Maki argues, “But once they hear he’s a young, married, nurse with a side hustle in philanthropy, I’m sure those geezers welcomed him with open arms. Sounds like some shit my family would do, too.”

Nobara hums, factoring in Maki’s evaluation. “Okay fine. Yuuta marries you, he gets his parents’ house back and probably commits insurance fraud too,” she settles, “But what about you?—You said this was mutually beneficial, so what did you get out of it?”

You probably should talk to Yuuta about revealing all the details of your marriage to your friends, but you knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. Yuuta’s parents’ death and the issues that came along with it weren’t a secret at the time, but your problems are something you kept private. It’s a miracle you’ve gone this long under the radar, and you know Nobara isn’t going anywhere with unanswered questions.

“Permanent residency status,” you tell her, “Yuuta’s a citizen, so in marrying him, all my problems about finding a job in six weeks after graduation disappeared.”

“But… you got a job?” Yuuji questions, head tilted.

“Yeah, eventually, but I didn’t know I would, and it was either take that chance, or be forced to go back home, and my time was running out,” you reveal, twiddling your thumbs together, “Look, I would have said something at the time, but everyone had their own shit to deal with after graduation. I would have asked any one of you to marry me, but I knew Yuuta was the only one with a reason to say yes.”

The kitchen falls quiet as the news sits with your friends. Nobara and Maki’s stern disbelief slowly morphs into empathy, and Yuuji’s bright eyes grow steely with concentration as he pieces your story together.

Then he springs up, “Wait, I totally would have married you, senpai!”

You laugh, a lightness easing its way back into the room. “Thanks, Yuuji,” you lean to give him a kiss on the cheek, but you’re met with Nobara’s outstretched palm instead.

“Nuh-uh. Just because I think this marriage is insane doesn’t mean that I condone adultery.”

“It’s not adultery. I told you, Yuuta and I are married on paper only—he’s free to date and kiss whomever he pleases, and so am I,” You roll your eyes, pushing her hand away and giving Yuuji a kiss anyway, which he happily accepts, sticking his tongue out in mockery at Nobara.

Maki scoffs, “Are we sure that Yuuta knows that?”

“Of course he knows that.”

“So then why hasn’t he dated anyone?” Maki presses, eyes lowering into a teasing glare.

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “Who Yuuta does or doesn’t date isn’t really my business.”

Nobara pulls at her hair, “Yes it is. You’re his wife.”

“His contractual wife,” you correct.

“Contractual?”

“Wait—have Yuuta and Toge not totally kissed on several drunk, or am I the only one who saw that?” Yuuji interjects.

“No, that was you and Fushiguro,” Nobara says, “And nobody cares about you two right now.”

You put a hand on Yuuji’s shoulder, “I care about you, Yuuji. Please, tell us about your drunk escapades with our dear Megumi.”

“Save it, Itadori,” Maki cuts in, crushing Yuuji’s bright demeanor, “You and Yuuta are way more pathetic. Keep talking.”

“Since when do you even like to gossip?”

“Since she met me,” Nobara gleams, proudly, “Now, keep going.”

You give Yuuji an apologetic glance before continuing, “I just mean that by the end of this year, Yuuta and I can get amicably divorced without raising any suspicion. Our marriage can’t be contested as a sham, I’ll be eligible for citizenship and housing on my own, and all will be well.”

It’s quiet again, for a moment. You bite your lip in anticipation. Ultimately, you knew that none of your friends would judge you and Yuuta for what you did, but it wasn’t exactly normal to marry your friends for legal benefits, and then hide your marital status from almost everyone you knew. Still, this conversation was going about as well as it could, until Maki starts laughing.

Her laughter starts off quiet, then grows gradually, until it becomes concerning. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Maki actually laugh before—a few amused grunts, and occasional drunk giggles, yes, but full-on, blown laughter is a first. It’s scary, and as you glance at Nobara and Yuuji, you’re clearly not the only one worried.

“You actually believe that he doesn’t feel anything for you—that’s rich,” she says through laughter, clutching her stomach, “God help you if you think you can just divorce him. You two are so fucked, you deserve each other.”

“Wait, speaking of rich, did you sign a prenup? Isn’t Yuuta totally loaded now that he’s a nurse and related to Gojo—I also don’t think that you’ll be able to divorce him that easily, but if you kill him, you could be an instant millionaire,” Nobara reasons.

“That’s so shallow!” Yuuji exclaims, “Also, I’m a nurse, and I wouldn’t say I’m loaded.”

“That’s because you’re not cute like Yuuta,” Nobara mocks, “If you were, then you’d make the big bucks.”

“I’m cute!” Yuuji cries, turning to you, “I’m cute, right?”

You reach to pat his head, “Yes, Yuuji, you’re very cute. And perfectly well off enough. Yuuta works inhumane hours for his money, don’t be like him.”

“Itadori, you make, like, quadruple what the average person makes,” Maki reminds him, “You just spend it all just as quickly.”

Nobara scoffs, “Which he can afford to do because he’s a nepotism baby.”

“You just said I was poor and ugly, and now I’m a nepotism baby? Pick a story, Kugisaki!”

“I don’t have to pick shit. Nanami-san sponsors your entire life, and enables your bad spending habits,” she huffs, “Yuuta’s a nepotism nurse, too. In fact, you both make me sick.”

“Okay, then by that logic Fushiguro is also a nepotism baby!”

“Well, duh. He’s, like, the poster child for nepotism babies all around the world.”

You drown out Nobara and Yuuji’s argument, mulling over Maki’s words instead. Did she mean to imply that Yuuta would make your divorce difficult on purpose?—you don’t see why; Yuuta doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body, and it wouldn’t serve him any purpose. You didn’t sign a prenup, but you would never argue ownership over any of his assets, and you know that Yuuta knows that; he’d already given you so much, you would never try to take anything from him.

In fact, getting divorced would only open more doors for him. You don’t know if Yuuta hasn’t dated in the past four years out of some lingering loyalty to your marriage, but if that was the case, then you don’t want to stand in his way for any longer than necessary, and you especially don’t want him to grow to resent you for it. He would no longer be unnecessarily bound to you; he’d be free, legally, to carry on with his life—you would be the only one indebted to him for his boundless kindness.

Truthfully, you hadn’t thought much of your divorce throughout your marriage. You knew that after five years, you could get divorced without consequence, but you hadn’t pictured how that would go. The thought of it somehow messing with your relationship to Yuuta, and your mutual friendships makes your head hurt. Maybe you should have married Yuuji instead.

“Are you kidding, Yuuta would have mauled him,” Nobara chuckles, “Plus he would have lost his childhood home.” You blink. Guess you said that last part out loud.

Her words spark more bickering between her and Itadori, and this time you turn to Maki. It was evident that she was just as much in the dark as anybody else about your secret marriage, but, still, it seemed like she knew something that you didn’t.

“Maki, does... you said I think that Yuuta doesn’t feel anything—then what does he feel?”

Maki blinks, then shakes her head, “You clearly don’t know who you married. That’s for you and your husband to work out.” She continues, this time that same wicked laughter is back, “Just know that whatever your plan for divorce was, it’s not going to be that easy. Yuuta is stupid, clearly, but he’s not that dumb. At least, I hope not.”

You pout, shoulders slumping. That was about the most cryptic and least comforting response a person could give, but you shouldn’t have expected more from Maki. Luckily, Yuuji moves to give your shoulders a comforting rub, forgoing Nobara’s exclamations of him being a homewrecking harlot.

At this point, you can’t tell if their arguing or your overthinking is causing your headache. Maybe you should cancel this group dinner all together; there’s no way you and Yuuta won’t be the topic of conversation all night, and you’re not exactly looking forward to pairing Maki’s mystic messages with Toge’s public humiliation, unless you start consuming liquor now.

Deciding that’s the best plan of action, you turn to your cupboards to reach for a bottle of wine, pawning off popping the cork to Maki when your phone buzzes, catching your attention.

It’s a text from Yuuta, similar to one you’ve received on this day every day, for the past four years, with something a little extra tacked on this year.

from: yuuta 🌟 — happy anniversary (and i’m not just saying that because the feds are watching) (＾∇＾) — cheers to us, and many more! 🖤

#tldr; this is all toge's fault lmfaoooooo #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #yuuta x reader #yuta x reader #yuuta okkotsu x reader #yuuta smut #yuuta fluff #jjk scenarios #jjk imagines #jjk smau #jjk fanfic #gojo x reader #gojo smut

2K notes · View notes

scifimademequeer · 29 days ago

Text

Vulcan Tails

I'm not sure if it's known which fan "invented" Spock's tail, but in a nearly 60 year old fandom the actual pioneer is probably lost. I've been influenced by a ton of fan artists, notably shigeoreum here on tumblr and on twitter. They look very long and flexible, possibly prehensile, and end in a tuft of hair.

I've also seen the other obvious tail for Vulcans, a bifurcated tail like a demon, which is also cute but not my headcanon. From here on I'm just talking about my headcanons but I'm open to feedback/comments/questions lol. I just want to organize my thots

I really dig the imagery of a humanoid able to wrap their tail around their own waist semi-neatly. I think for most Vulcans this is the equivalent of poker face or maintaining composure, and in some formal clothing the tail is actually meant to be worn this way the entire time. It conveys several different attitudes depending on context, such as professionalism, objectivity, modesty, humility, etc.

And on the flip side, when the tail is "out" it is only mostly voluntarily controlled. It reacts to stimuli and emotions automatically and Vulcans work to control it as they mature the same way they discipline their own facial expressions and other bodily functions.

I think Surak had a docked/destroyed tail. Perhaps it was symbolic or a literal result of his outsider status. The tail could be your connection to your family line or community and when you are ostracized, it is literally cut.

This resulted in modern Surakians using the docked tail to signify the ultimate devotion to logic. And with the ritual of Kohlinar, the two meanings collide: a Kohlinar adept has achieved both perfect logic and perfect independence from their community. Your tail and your emotions are severed from you.

Along this same line, the tail is an instinctive object of interest for infants and small children. Many start walking as they hold onto their parent's tail. This could help a touch telepathy bond be maintained between children and caregivers while letting the caregivers use their hands freely.

I've read really interesting stuff about hunter/gatherer communities where babies almost never cry because they are in constant tactile contact with other people, including older children. They develop a tactile language before a verbal one and have all their needs for comfort met immediately. Sounds like how touch telepathy might work, or develop in a species.

A Vulcan in extreme distress might comfort themselves by stroking or holding their own tail. They may even comfort one another this way, or soothe a child by giving them an adult's tail to stroke. The equivalent gestures among humans might be rocking back and forth or hugging yourself.

The tail is prehensile to a certain degree but cannot lift heavy objects or ones that are too small to grip. The primary use of the tail is communication, it wants to wrap around the bodies of others as well as the Vulcan's own body. And remember that you can't pull on tails too hard because they're attached to the spine. Vulcans should have pretty well developed lower back muscles to wield this tail, I think

I have cats so I'm biased but I think the gestures are a blend between a cat's and a monkey's. Cats tails tremble, curve, lash, shake, whip, and wag to portray different emotions.

I'm writing a wedding fic and I realized that the children at the wedding would have bells and ribbons tied to the ends of their tails. But this would be seen as cringe on an adolescent or adult.

I think as far as touch telepathy goes it makes no sense for tails to be as telepathic as the hands, face, or genitals. BUT I would think that the skin of the tail IS somewhat sensitive. So, going back to the children touching a caregiver's tail, I think a Vulcan can naturally "sense" with their hands and attune to anywhere on a person's body that is ennervated. The tail is just very convenient and has developed to be a little receptive to telepathic touch, but not wield it as the hands do.

So the connotations of touching another adult's tail would be non-sexual intimacy and comfort. Maybe depending on how Surakian you are, or if you are in private, casual touching of tails is normal between friends and family members. It helps you coregulate to do so. Not only putting your hands on your friend's tail but putting your tail on their body. Maybe even wacking them with it to be annoying, I could see that as a sibling activity for sure.

#heavybraid #vulcans

262 notes · View notes

oh-no-its-bird · 24 days ago

Text

Staring into the void thinking about my unloved little guy favorites and feeling the thoughts mix with my adoration for stupid niche crossovers. I want a svsss x Naruto crossover but instead of anyone especially notable from svsss who crosses over it's my favorite "really not as bad as he could be" award winner, Ming Fan

Squinting back at naruto and flipping a coin to decide if he lands in warring states era or modern konoha and deciding I like both of these options, so we're going to do 2 separate stories/timelines. Or maybe we'll have him land in the past then get flashed forward to future Konoha when he tries going home so he gets the best of both worlds, who knows— I'll decide when I get there.

With that said, buckle in baby because it's time for:

✨️ Ming Fans very unfortunate fall into the mess that is naruto canon ✨️

Ming Fan gets flung into another dimension due the ultimate possible sin in svsss: being a background character.

Some obligatory crazy adventure was happening to Luo Binghe and SQQ involving some magic artifact, and in your stereotypical "someone not too important to the plot touches the object and gets exploded, proving it's dangerous to touch + upsetting SQQ so LB can appropriately comfort him" (probably originally a wife plot) scene, Ming Fan gets zapped into naruto canon. Woops!

If it helps him feel any better, SQQ really is upset by this. Binghe is not. At all. He might think it's karma but also this guy doesn't know the first fucking thing about appropriate levels of karma so maybe he should keep his mouth shut.

(Neither of these facts make him feel better but do you know what does? Imagining SQQ yelling at Binghe for this. He's so fucking sure it's that guy's fault somehow. It's always his fault somehow.)

So boom, he gets zapped into the worst possible (and my personal favorite moment for inconvenient time travel) moments; The final battle between the Uchiha and the Senju.

Specifically, he gets zapped directly onto Tobirama's sword. Queue shocked Pikachu faces from everyone— including Ming Fan but with added dramatic blood and cursing in chinese. Bc hey!! They don't speak the same fucking language actually!!

Unfortunate.

So Tbrm and Izuna both jump back away from this unknown as Ming Fan continues to bleed and curse and be very fucking confused as to where he was.

He took the hit in the shoulder of his non dominant arm, it's a pretty clean cut and he's a cultivator so he'll be fine with some rest but MAN if it don't hurt like a bitch. On top of the motion sickness of being launched through time and space too, and wrapped up in a little bow of "surrounded by hostile looking strangers all yelling in a language I don't understand"

Yeah he's not having the greatest time right now.

So like, Ming Fan just sort of appeared out of nowhere, right? Which has Tobirama extra fucked up bc, yk, hiraishin.

Izuna doesn't know that he was just saved from death death, so he's appropriately grateful at avoiding being stabbed but also like. Who the fuck are you. How did you get here. You just interrupted my battle with my rival and I take a little offense to that actually.

Everyone is yelling and confused and Ming Fan is seriously debating hopping on his sword and flying off because fuck this.

Madara and Hashirama finally enter stage left and are both like "well he's not one of ours" so now everyone is eyeing him even more suspiciously and a couple people are for sure lowkey tensing to attack

Enter convenient svsss mcguffin! Because "idk it sounds like something SQQ would know how to do," Ming Fan knows some language technique that allows him to speak/understand a language for a certain amount of time.

So he grabs his sword and circulates his qi to prepare the technique, and everyone tenses up because hey what are you doing over there buddy

Tobirama, a really good sensor, can actually sense the differences between Ming Fan's qi circulating through his dantian vs how shinobi would circulate chakra through their chakra coils. So he's holding a hand up like 'wait let him cook' @ the Senju who tensed up for a possible attack, if only because he wants to see where this goes and is confident that if he tried anything fr, well, he's kind of surrounded on all sides rn by two entirely different factions

The Uchiha meanwhile don't want to be the first to strike, so everyone's just kinda cautiously gripping their weapons in this very odd battlefield stall

And boom: now he can speak their language.

I'd say the first thing he does is grab Tobirama and shake him while cussing him out about watching where he's swinging that sword of is but he's smarter than that. (For sure it's what he wants to do tho. He is picturing it. Oh man is he picturing it.)

So like, actual communication for now

Now. PIDW is fucking filled with all sorts of mcguffins, "I touched something I shouldnt have and when I opened my eyes I was somewhere strange" is alarmingly common, and the sect absoloutley has some sort of "teleportation checklist" to run through whenever your random, unfortunate disciple gets fucking zapped.

(I like to hc that Shang Quinghua had some sort of hand in making an "official" checklist taught across the peaks, and that different peaks treat this checklist with uhh,, different amounts of respect. (LQG thinks its useless but has simultaneously run the tally for peak lord whose gotten stranded by artifacts he shouldn't have touched the most. These two facts may be directly correlated.))

Anyways; Ming Fan gets to doing that checklist. He's demanding to know where he is, when he doesn't recognize the name, how close he is to the sea, what year and time of the year it is, where the nearest sect is, etc.

At first this is directed at Izuna and Tobirama both, but when Izuna fails to answer as directly as Tobirama does (with quick, flat answers) and also tries to return the questions ("who are you, how did you get here, etc.") he directs his attention soley to Tobirama. Even though hes a little BITCH and stabbed him

(Ming Fan can recognize he teleported directly onto his blade but this will not change him being butt hurt ab it)

For everyone watching, this is weird as all hell! Who is this guy? Why these questions? Ew why is he deferring to the Senju, our Izuna-sama would be so much better to ask—

Now, quick side note, the thing about Ming Fan is he's just like a dude. He's just a guy. But also he's really not, but also he really is? If that makes sense?

He's the senior most disciple and (correct me if I'm wrong here bc its been a while) SQQ's head disciple, which means he'll be the next peak lord in however many years when SQQ and his generation chooses to ascend. So he's definatley not a slacker when it comes to power or wit. Even if he does rank pretty low in the overall SVSSS canon, but also like, yeah, background character vs actual heavenly demons n shit.

So he's definitely a pretty impressive guy!! But also he's just a guy. And he's in contact with the power houses and freaks that is SVSSS main cast (*cough* Luo Bingghe *cough*) So his sense of self and where be ranks power wise is probably skewed to a degree. (Though I imagine that when left to his own devices and not having to defer to his shizun, he definitely suffers from "haughty bitch disease" (tragically not fatal, for now at least)

Thus; cultivator version of just a dude. I love him!!

(arguably the only better option for the "svsss just a dude award" would be Gongyi Xiao, who I also love dearly but he's not here right now, so, winner by default Ming Fan!!! (Story of his fucking life tbh))

Anyways, back to plot:

So, thinking that Ming Fan immediatley recognizes Tobirama's hiraishin design bc it was actually enscribed on whatever artifect got him sent here. Wwoahhh mystery or something idk but theres that

(Was Airplane thinking about naruto when he created this specific object? Did he maybe google "sealing design ideas" then copy paste the hiraishin directly into his work, knowing no one but him would know what he had done since there was no artwork to go with it? Maybe. Perhaps. Just possibly.)

I honestly dont really know where itd go from that, but like Ming Fan probably sticks around specifically to harass Tobirama in the hopes he can send him home.

He points at the Hiraishin and goes "Your talisman brought me here. Take responsibility."

Tobirama understands this as his activation of the Hiraishin in battle literally summoned Ming Fan (only half true) and the poor mans presence here is thus entirely his fault. (Ehhhhh not really)

Ming Fan will not correct this assumption.

Either way though, Tobirama would not give up the chance / excuse to interact with and help return an interdimensional traveler. Can you say science experiment?? Because Tobirama sure fucking can!

Tobirama ends up having a fucking field day trying to find ways to replicate Ming Fan's different techniques with chakra instead of qi, and just in general studying how the energy in their bodies flows and works so differently yet so similarly

Anyways !

Through convoluted reasons peace happens somehow

Ming Fan calls Izuna a dumb bitch to his face maybe, idk that sounds like smthn hed do. But also like more politely bc they have different ways of speaking and SQQ probably gets on his ass about 'if you're going to insult someone do it in a way that reflects well on your own and the peaks teachings'

Actually I love that and now I need Ming Fan and Izuna cat fights

Actually I need Ming Fan and everyone cat fights, Izuna just gets the worse of it bc in my heart he is diva coded in a similar way to Ming Fan

Tobirama also bites back but hes too interested in the opportunity to study Ming Fan to risk being proper rude like he usually would to like, pretty much anyone else.

"Did this guy call me and my entire clan useless warmongers with the collective IQ of a tree stump? Yes. Do I want to cut him open to see if his organs match my own? Also yes. And my chances of getting to do this are very slightly raised by at minimum not pointing out that he has the attitude of if chihuahua got fucked by the worlds angriest hairless cat and spat out a human shaped baby."

Madara is NOT safe from the Ming Fan bitchfest but hes too busy happily drinking with Hashirama at the prospect of peace to give him his full attention, so he lets Izuna handle the cat fights

Hashirama meanwhile thinks hes kind of a tool but is also too busy happily drinking with Madara to really care, and is also the sort of guy to think that bitchy people are funny (as long as he isnt the one who has to deal with the consequences they bring) so honestly? Hes also having fun watching him and Izuna fight

Ummm stuff happens, peace is achieved, Konoha is developed and Ming Fan is in the thick of it bc he still needs Tobirama to send him home. He's kind of just,, there. Hanging out. Doesnt really have anything to do here, isnt particularly invested in this city building shit. As head disciple he has experience with things like management and the like, but nothing on this scale. He is however familiar with the concept of government-esq bodies overseeing superpowered people in societies equivalent to something close to a village. So that might come in handy, idk

But yeah, Ming Fan is just kind of hanging around, maybe he's brought in as a fresh pair of eyes / consultant

When it comes time to elect a Hokage, it's Madara vs Hashirama, with both of their younger brothers obviously backing their elder brothers.

Ming Fan, who has taken many, many missions across many different villages, countries, kingdoms and more, has seen this fucking story go down a million different ways. Better yet, he's seen this story go down a million different ways, often with SQQ hanging over his shoulder providing live commentary and a fucking insiders POV on the mechanics of this

The thing about Madara is that he is clearly respected by his clan, and feared by others. But he's not really,,, approachable.

Meanwhile Hashirama is the same, but he is approachable

And Izuna? Well, he has a real charm to him that his brother lacks. A charm that could realistically stand pretty well against Hashirama's own charm. He's popular, genuinley, among his own clan and surprisingly among some Senju as well. Whereas Madara was 'the force to be reckoned with' Izuna occupied a sort of middling space, always standing against Tobirama. Plus, hes easy on the eyes and can rock a pretty effective 'open and friendly smile.'

Not to mention he was the Uchiha's spy master, probably would go on to be Konoha's in the future, so he's a pro at managing people

Between Madara and Izuna, if you want an Uchiha to run for Hokage and win... wasn't Izuna clearly the better option?

Ming Fan brings this up to Izuna one day and he's actually kind of blindsided by this. The idea straight up never occurred to him, too used to being in the position to back his brother and raise him up to ever consider wanting the position Madara desired for himself.

He considers it for all of 3 seconds, a noticeable hesitation, before he laughs and shakes his head, saying that he would never steal his big brothers dreams like that. If he has the skills to win the Hokage position, he'd just use them to make sure Madara does instead

(Madara, overhearing their conversation from the hallway, retreats silently to think.)

A week later, and right before the intentions of Madara and Hashirama are announced to officially begin running for Hokage are announced, and a switch is made. A strangely quiet Madara switches out with Izuna at the last minute, a surprise to literally everyone but Ming Fan, who huffs approvingly

(This... has been his dream for so long. The village, his clan, safe and at peace. To be able to lead that would be... everything. But if his own baby brother would be more likely to be choosen for that over himself... At the very least, Madara wants to see an Uchiha with the hat.)

It's worth mentioning also that at this point, Ming Fan has a decent amount of influence on his own. Like, obviously, he's hanging out with the clan heads and heirs, he isnt contributing too much to the village, but he is contributing. He's pulling his weight, and he often spends time just kinda wandering around, talking to people, learning about this different world and the things it has to offer— different food, clothing styles, stories, the culture, just all of it

And that on its own is enough to endear him to plenty of people. Plus, as Konoha grows and more clans join in, he remains at its center sort of by default of having landed in that position from the start.

I think he's especially popular with more common people, bc he'll often be wandering around, just kinda exploring and all that, and if you complain to him theres a chance he might take that complaint all the way to the top, and your complaint (if its serious enough) might actually be dealt with. And as Konoha grows and more and more people clutter the information train, that's really fucking valuable!

All of that is to say that when Ming Fan makes a mostly careless comment in public about thinking Izuna would make a better Hokage, well, it's an endorsement from a well respected person. Who knows if it truly impacts the outcome, and god knows Ming Fan isn't like, actively campaigning for either of them—he probably doesn't care too much on who wins, finds them both agreeable enough as leaders (they both annoy him in different ways but at least with Izuna he's clearly grown begrudgingly fond of the back and forth they have)

So! It's an incredibly close race, but in the end Izuna wins, becoming the first Hokage

(His dramatic ass is absolutely on board with Hashirama's idea for a carved face in the mountainside, even as Tobirama, Madara and Ming Fan both physically cringe at the idea)

Ming Fan ends up being stuck there for a couple year, which is... annoying, but he's an immortal cultivator and has had much longer missions, so overall he's mild about his displeasure. Clear progress is being made by Tobirama, who is open about each new discovery he makes between Ming Fan and a normal mortal of this world

("To discover what made the hiraishin bring you here from another world entirely, we must first map out exactly what makes you and me so biologically different that the seal would react so strongly")

Anyways, Tobirama finally figures out how to fuck with the hiraishin enough to send Ming Fan back !! Yay, the day is saved and everyone is different levels of sorry to see him go, ranging from mildly fond to 'oh thank fucking gone, LEAVEEE ALREADYYYY' from the many, many people he's probably annoyed while here

Izuna and Ming Fan say goodbye and "Ill almost miss fighting with your bitch ass" in the weird language of insults they've developed, which to others just sounds like "dont go missing me too much, even tho youll never find someone else on my level to talk with again 💅"

Izuna gets one last jab in as Ming Fan is teleporting away but literally right as he's dissapearing Ming Fan gets one back in, making him officially holder of 'Got The Last Word' and this will piss off Izuna for the rest of all time

And so Ming Fan is safely returned hom— OH FUCK WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHERE IS HE NOW?? GODDAMIT TOBIRAMA

Yeah, so, Ming Fan is instead zapped some decades into the future, into Kakashi's genin days

I mean, congrats to Tobirama, he just invented time travel, so, thats cool

Ming Fan doesnt actually give a shit though because this is not what he was promised, Tobirama you useless hack—!

He was sent back from the battlefield where he appeared, something about eliminating the chances of the specific location being involved in the act of breaking through universes, and reappeared in that same place.

He pretty quickly makes his way over to Konoha via flying sword, easily dodging the many patrols in the area who are at pretty much full swing due to the fact that we're nearing the start of the second shinobi war.

(Sakumo has not yet been assigned that doomed mission of his but will be any day now)

Ok so. POV you're one of the guys guarding the gates of Konoha.

And out of seemingly nowhere this fucking GUY. Just. DESCENDS FROM THE SKY FROM THE BACK OF A SWORD. Immediately starts angrily yelling at you about demanding to know where Senju Tobirama, the fucking nidaime who died years ago, currently is. And that he needs to get his bitchy little quack doctor ass out here RIGHT FUCKING NOW and do what he GODDAMN PROMISED

As Im sure you can imagine, the gate guards. Do not react too well to this.

I think Ming Fan received a konoha headband, and he usually doesnt wear it unless he's like, going into battle and needs to be able to be identified by his allies. And he wasnt wearing it when he was ready to hop on home, so he takes it out now and kinda shoves it in their face like THERE LOOK IM ONE OF YOU NOW WHERE IS TOBIRAMA.

They might have tried to arrest him but he was rocking with that "do you know who I fucking am, let me speak to your manager RIGHT NOW. Who is your hokage is Izuna still in charge I will ask him to light your ass on fucking fire if you dont bring me to him 5 goddamn minutes ago" swag and, like, he was just so confident about it the gate guards didnt?? really know what to do?? HE SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT HES TALKING ABOUT GUYS AND THATS SCARY

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOULL ASK THE SHODAI HOKAGE TO (WHAT, RISE FROM HIS GRAVE?) TO GIVE US A SHAKING

(He wouldnt lmao, Izuna would probably have given them a gift basket for inconveniencing Ming Fan tbh. This fact however will never and has never stopped Ming Fan from using his name as a blunt force weapon against those who dont know better.)

So.

Ming Fan is brought to the Hokage.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE AS WE NOW INTRODUCE KONOHA'S SANDAIME HOKAGE IN THIS TIMELINE MING FAN HAS NOW LIGHTLY FUCKED UP,,,

KAGAMI UCHIHA !!!

Yeah so with Izuna as the first Hokage, the hat then went to Tobirama, who then passed it down to Kagami, who is currently looking at Sakumo as his possible successor

So, a very peeved Ming Fan is escorted to the Hokage's office. On his way over, he's taking note of the buildings and the clear passage of time. He looks at the mountain and finds 2 new faces besides Izuna's own annoying one, and catches wind of exactly what happened pretty fast.

Hopefully Tobirama isn't dead yet though, because oh man does Ming Fan have some words for him

(Ming Fan is annoyed to find his favorite little shop from before has been replaced by some stupid fuckin ramen restaurant. Ugh.)

Ming Fan finally arrives, and Kagami, who actually interacted with him more than a few times back in the day, does a fucking comedy spit take and blurts out, "Fan-dono?????"

Ming Fan does not recognize him at first and when he finally does, it's him going oh you're that hanger on brat who was always begging Tobirama to teach you.

Not. The most flattering take. But Kagami will take it.

So Kagami is like, Hokage now. But also he has memories of Ming Fan as both Tobirama's friend and also Izuna's friend and also just like. "Respected guy my mom told me to be good around."

So theres all sorts of things happening in his head rn on how to react to this situation

Ming Fan meanwhile has never interacted with a Hokage he wasnt allowed to call stupid to their face (to be fair Izuna would immediatley call him stupid back) so he is not giving Kagami the respect expected of like. Literally any ordanary shinobi to give him.

But he lucks out and gets a pass on it bc Kagami still has him slotted into the "sensei and Izuna-sama's respected friend" part of his brain that makes him feel like a kid again

(behind him, the ANBU squad does not like or agree with this turn of events. at all. who the FUCK are you to talk to the Hokage like this what the FUCK)

I think Danzo fucking despises Ming Fan, just because its funny. Ming Fan called him a nosey little brat one too many times as a kid and Danzo developed a childish grudge that he totally forgot about later in life— till he runs into Ming Fan again, years later, looking annoyingly exactly the same, and reawakens the rage of a slighted 12 year old

Sarutobi I dunno, I think hes somewhere between Kagami and Danzo on "this guy hits the buttons in my brain that make me feel like Im a kid being scolded by my sensei again" and also "holy shit FUCK this guy"

Anyways! Heres the thing:

When he left, Ming Fan absoloutley took some of Tobirama's research with him. It was probably some sort of exchange thing— way back when Ming Fan agreed to be a little science experiment in the first place, he probably made a deal of "yeah ok fine but I want every crumb of research you pull from me and I wanna take it home when I go"

Tobirama kinda shrugged and went "yeah fair enough, but were gonna have to agree on what kind of person is allowed to see some of it"

Shook on it, the end

So Ming Fan has this big ass thing of notes up his sleeve— filled with stuff about the differences between a shinobi and a cultivators bodies, some different fun notes Tobirama took while adapting some of Ming Fan's techniques to be used by chakra and vice versa w Ming Fan trying to use Tobirama's techniques with qi, notes on editing the hiraishin to try and get him home, etc.

Theres also probably just some other random stuff— mostly medical and jutsu / sealing guides, which Ming Fan traded information to bring home thinking the sect would benefit from it. If nothing else, his shizun will get a kick out of it

(oh boy would SQQ get a fucking kick out of seeing goddamn naruto lore written out in detail and refffered to as texts from another dimension)

^ so all of that is to say that Ming Fan has the traces of the seal to try to bring him back home, but he cant fucking use it himself bc he doesnt know how to preform the hiraishin, which is a major component of it

(and also part of why Tobirama let him take it to begin with, unconcerned of Ming Fan or someone else ever using it to come back bc they've already established his different biology somehow makes him physically unable of using the hiraishin)

So he just needs to find Tobirama again, or minimum someone who can use the hiraishin, and he can at least just try again. Maybe the last time sending him forward was a fluke? It probably only needs some minor tweaks, right? So just— get him Tobirama, and they'll sort it out

Learning Tobirama is dead, Ming Fan is,,, well, he was already prepared to say goodbye when he left the first time. And looking at the statues, Tobirama clearly lived an accomplished life. Same with Izuna— Ming Fan kind of resolves to just not think about it.

When he asks about Madara, Ming Fan is informed that a year after he left, Madara apparently turned traior and attacked the village. This is. A lot. For him to swallow.

Ming Fan has a moment of blaming himself for not having seen the darkness festering inside Madara, but brushes the feeling away. There was nothing he could have done, and he has been down the road of blaming himself for not catching a tell that hinted towards secret evil intentions one too many times during his missions to do it again here.

(Still, a complicated feeling rises in him. He'd spent years, at that point, by the founders side. To hear Madara had gone and tried to kill them all— If nothing else, Ming Fan had truly thought Madara loved his brother.)

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO IS SOMEHOW ALIVE? FUCKING HASHIRAMA AND MITO !!!

Hashirama, having never become Hokage, was never poisoned! Instead he retired, now too old to fight even if he wanted to, and lives in the Senju compound with his aging wife and big family (including his granddaughter, Tsunade)

In the last few years, it's seems like he's become sick, only a few people allowed to visit him, and almost only senju. Very sad, he's expected to die any day now

SO !

Ming Fan hops over to the Senju compound, and though literally everybody expected he wouldn't be allowed to see him, Hashirama permits him to enter his rooms

(The list of those who can see Hashirama is as follows:

His wife

His children and grandchildren

The Hokage

and on one very memorable occasion, the current Uchiha clan head, Uchiha Hikaku)

Ming Fan being added to that list,, well, he may not realize it's weight, but its safe to say that once the fact gets out, it's enough to pretty instantly cement him as trustworthy to most of Konoha. Especially those in higher circles

So, Ming Fan goes to Hashirama's side, and Mito greets him. She explains that the Mokuton is as much as a curse as it is a blessing, and opens the door for Ming Fan to see exactly what she means.

For the past few years, Hashirama has been stuck in the process of turning into a tree.

There... isn't much more to say about that.

They had prepared a room for him to spread his roots in, open aired and protected by enough seals to blind a man if they attempted to look in. With grassy floors covered in wildflowers, and a small stream that Mito says they decorated with rocks from the Naka river.

Hashirama sits at the center of it all, more tree than man, asleep most days but having miraculously awoken just in time for Ming Fan's arrival.

Hashirama jokes that it must be fate, and Ming Fan, sobered in this moment, nods and says that his Shizun has often said that everyone is bound by the strings of fate. Whether they obeyed the strings was up to them, but so long as they walked, the strings would continue to guide them to the places they needed to be.

Hashirama laughs, and tells him that he half expected to be cursed out once he'd heard that Ming Fan had been stranded here by his brothers seal.

"Is that really how you wish for this reunion to go?" Ming Fan asks, and Hashirama only laughs again.

"I'd rather hear you curse my name than sit and suffer through you playing polite because you're too offput by this old mans condition to say what you're thinking."

Ming Fan sighs, laying on the grass and staring up at Hashirama's leaves and halfheartedly curses at Tobirama's name, lamenting his situation as Hashirama listens with a smile.

"You don't seem as distressed as I'd expected!" Hashirama notes, and Ming Fan only shrugs. "I'll figure it out, I'm sure."

"How uncharacteristically optimistic of you!"

"I suppose that's just you rubbing off on me then."

Hashirama and Ming Fan talk for quite a while, and it reminds Ming Fan of older nights, when Konoha was still young, before even the Hokage was elected. Nights occasionally spent drinking together, sometimes alone, sometimes with others— Tobirama, Izuna, Madara, Touka, Hikaku, an array of clan heads and heirs, people who've come to make a home, find some peace, and in that moment only share a drink.

To Ming Fan, it had only been a couple of years since those early days.

To Hahirama, it had been decades.

Ming Fan is invited to stay at the Senju compound for as long as he needs to find a way home.

When he stands, he turns to Hashirama, and offers a bow. Lower than any he's offered before, in this world.

"Thank you for your generosity."

Hashirama smiles, and accepts the gratitude for all that it means.

That night, Senju Hashirama falls asleep, and never wakes again.

SOOO ANYWAYS !!

Ming Fan is now staying with the Senju!! In this verse the family is a bit bigger than canon, due to Hashirama's continued survival throughout the years and how that impacted general Konoha politics. This is also before Tsunade left the village, with her little brother Nawaki still alive and Orochimaru's student (though much like Sakumo, their tragic fates are destined to happen any day now)

Through Ming Fan interference, both of these characters eventually avoid these fates, dont ask me how tho but just know that it happens, so.

Ming Fan has 2 goals!

Find someone who can preform the hiraishin!

Find someone who can alter the seals Tobirama used last in an attempt to get him home!

Luckily for Ming Fan, Mito knows just how to help in both of these cases! She can cover number 2, as Konoha's leading (and oldest) seal expert, and her darling grand-niece, Kushina, just so happens to be dating the only guy in the world who knows how to use the hiraishin, isn't that convenient?

With Mito agreeing to help alter the seal and someone to actually use it set in place, Ming Fan has nothing left to really do other than just,, wait.

The good news is that, since he brought Tobirama's research with him and the alterations shouldn't take nearly as much time as last time, it should only be a few months!

This is where we get Ming Fan once again fucking around the village, and how inevitable interferes with Nawaki and Sakumo's deaths

Maybe he's bored and goes with Nawaki on his mission? He's definitely interacting with him, they both live in the senju compound after all!

Nawaki idolizes his grandfather Hashirama, and Ming Fan is apparently a good friend of his!! So hes totally harassing Ming Fan to know more about that!

I think the "time travel" bit is kept secret from the public, just bc like, messyyyy, and Ming Fan's own involvment in early Konoha is pretty unknown in general just bc he was overshadowed by more relevant historical figures— plus its not like he had a clan to continue to remember him.

So very few people even know he existed, let alone that he's that same guy from history

Ummm Ming Fan and Sakumo friendship, I like to hc skaumo as being friends with the sanin so maybe hes around the Senju compound sometimes, idk

A panicked Sakumo is called in for a super last minute mission and tushes over to beg Tsunade to babysit only to realize shes also out, then somehow ropes Ming Fan into watching over Kakashi

Ming Fan ends up lightly making fun of Kakashi's use of chakra (his own pov of how to use chakra being heavily skewed due to experiments with Tobirama) and ends up being roped further into helping to train Kakashi using techniques, tips and tricks told to him by Tobirama

Ming Fan does NOT want to teach Kakashi, Kakashi is very much harassing him into doing it and Ming Fan is less teaching and more 'throwing techniques at him in the hopes hell go away only to find that Kakashi has figured out how to do it correctly on his own and wow thats really alarming actually'

I think Ming Fan would like Kakashi and also be a terrible fucking influence on him bc he is absolutely encouraging him to be as mean and bratty as possible (with other people)

Ming Fan is the kind of guy to teach his students to be evil under the table so they can get away with it, like, "ok so I heard you tried to sabotage someone. And Im really disappointed actually bc you chose such an obvious way and if you're going to sabotage someone at least dont do it in a way that will tie back to you, like, really" kind of energy

Minato receives Kakashi as a student around this time and has to beg Ming Fan to stop bc the things hes teaching Kakashi keep clashing with shit he's trying to teach him and also "did you really tell Kakashi to try and beat up Obito behind the ramen shop to establish dominance because he almost did and I can not express how bad this is for team moral"

Minato is STRESSED but unfortunately this is not Ming Fan's problem. Sorry. Do better.

Without Izuna around to shoot the shit with Ming Fan actually finds himself incredibly bored. He got used to having someone he can be catty around, now hes like. All bored. And maybe a little lonely.

LONELY? WHO SAID THAT? HES NOT LONELY WHAT THE FUCK SHUT UP !! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT !!!!

He goes to the stupid ramen place that replaced his old favorite shop and discovers he does not like ramen.

This does not improve his mood.

He's fucking bored is the thing, which is why he decides to take missions. And how he ends up with surprisingly high clearance (due to being technically a founder)

And how he ends up on the same team as Sakumo for a very specific mission.

And how, when the mission goes wrong, he sends Sakumo home saying that he'll rescue their mission partners bc at least he's not stupidly recognizable the way Sakumo is.

And how Sakumo never falls from grace

And how just a week later, Sakumo is announced as Kagami's pick for the 4th Hokage.

Sakumo is very grateful towards Ming Fan for the mission thing, considers him to be a good man. He is a little bit blind to the awful fucking influence Ming Fan is on Kakashi, much to Minato's despair.

ANYWHOOO

some months pass and the seal is now complete! Minato is brought in and let in on the secret, and agrees to help!

(getting rid of ming fan? holy shit sign him up!!)

Ming Fan says his goodbies, Nawaki and Kakashi are especially sad to see him go while the adults are all different flavors ranging from "understanding but fondly sad to YES GO GO GET OUT GET OUT LEAVE ALREADY GO PLEASE THANK YOU GOODBYE"

Mito is in general amused at all the shit Ming Fan has managed to start while here, she's a fan of watching him fuck around from afar, eating popcorn

So.

Third times the charm, right? Right???

As Ming Fan immediately realizes, no, no it is not the charm.

Ming Fan reappears on the fucking eve of Konoha's destruction by Pain's hand.

Now. As already stated: I love Ming Fan "just a guy but not really" so much! I think he is decently powerful on his own, just overshadowed by the general cast of SVSSS, and I also think that these past few years hes spent here in naruto, sparring with people like the founders, participating in experiments with Tobirama to see how far qi can be pushed in contrast with chakra, learning new techniques and adapting to the different levels of ambient chakra and qi in this world— well, he's not ready to split skies or anything like that but its safe to say that Ming fan was, and now is even more pretty fucking strong.

All of that is to say Ming Fan may be more attached to Konoha than he realized bc when he sees it being destroyed it isn't just the anger of a righteous cultivator seeing innocents be attacked that's lit inside him, nah Ming Fan is about to throw the fuck down

(It takes him not even a second to affix the konoha headband to his belt before he jumps into the fray)

So! Lets take a peek at the Hokage time line in Ming Fan's absence!

Kannabi bridge went unfortunately similar to canon, and Obito fell into Madara's hands.

With Sakumo still alive at the time, Kakashi was able to recover from this without the major personality shift, and due to a combination of Sakumo and Ming Fan's additional training, when it was Rin's turn on the chopping block, she instead survived and now continues to live as the Konoha's second jinchuriki

Obito attacked Konoha with the intention of releasing the kyuubi, and at the time Kushina and Minato were in the Senju compound for the birth

Mito got in his way, delaying him long enough for Sakumo to also arrive

In the fight, both Mito and Sakumo died (fucking thanks, Obito. I dont think Kakashi's gonna be able to forgive u for that one this time around) but Kushina and Minato survived, and Naruto was born healthy and without the fox sealed into him

Kakashi is understandable devastated, and as recovery efforts begin, he's taken in by Minato and Kushina. He offers little fight against this.

With Sakumo's death, Kagami was once again appointed as the Hokage. After only a year or two of stabilizing Konoha + preparing his successor, he quickly gives Minato the hat, and retreats once again to retirement.

Minato makes Kakashi and Rin both ANBU, expressing his desire to have them by his side (at least this time they're slightly older, with Kakashi at 15 and Rin at 17) and puts them on home guard, specifically as Naruto's ANBU guards. It's an easy job, and helps Kakashi in particular to heal some, even if he gets even more rigid about things like rules and formalities

With Izuna as the first Hokage and Kagami as the third (and technical 5th) Uchiha-village relations were actually very good! Thanks to this, the Uchiha massacre was avoided entirely

Kakashi is raised pretty much as Naruto's very protective older brother, with Rin in a similar boat but she still has her own family so there isnt quite so much trauma fueled dependency from her end.

Naruto grows up to be alarmingly talented, with Kakashi and Rin tutoring him, and Minato and Kushina obviously doing their best (though Minato remains mostly busy due to the unfortunate realities of being a Hokage. Meanwhile Naruto is absolutely a total mommas boy)

Kakashi and Rin end up actually fighting over who gets to be Naruto's sensei (Naruto wants NEITHER OF THEM!!!!! HES A BIG BOY NOW STOP CODDLING HIM!!!!!)

Canon then proceeds mostly the same, though with some very obvious major changes

Somewhere along the way, Itachi is convinced to ditch Konoha even without the massacre, and later down the like Sasuke also follows suit to investigate what happened with his brother— though this time he leaves with orders from Minato to go undercover, and investigate Sound

(fucking THANKS dad!! -Naruto, probably, when he finds this out)

COOL! SO! WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY!

Ming Fan fucking bodies Pain right before he kills Kakashi. (Sorry Kakashi, no fireside chat with your father for you)

Now, Ming Fan had a pretty lasting effect on Kakashi's life overall, but he was only around for like, idk, half a year maybe. And Kakashi was young during the time, so his memories of the man remain very blurry and overall half forgotten.

So Kakashi doesn't recognize him immediately— Though from Ming Fan's side, he's immediately mistaking him for Sakumo, then realizing no, wait it isn't him, doing the mental math and making an educated guess that this has to be Kakashi then.

But that doesnt matter rn bc it is THROW DOWN OCLOCK !!!!!

The overall battle goes mostly according to canon but w less casualties since Ming Fan joins in, but then Naruto does his talk no jutsu or however that goes, Pain agrees to revive everyone, boom there done.

So tbh my knowledge of Naruto gets HELLA blurry from here on out, so we're gonna keep it vague, but, like, MING FAN IS HERE AGAIN YAYYYYY

Unfortunately p much everyone who could have instantly recognized him is fucking dead now. Kagami, Danzo and Hiruzen got picked off in previous battles or smthn, Mito and Sakumo are fucking dead, the kids who grew attached to him were too young and the time they knew him too short to really remember,

BUT.

Despite literally only being around for like, 6 months. Ming Fan succeeded at being so annoying that Minato never fucking forgot his face <3

(also there are probably some Uchiha around w sharingan memories of him)

So Minato sees this guy and goes through all the stages of grief at once. Meanwhile Ming Fan is seeing the hat and raising his eyebrows and going no way Sakumo chose THIS bitch boy for the job.

Meanwhile Naruto is standing direcly next to Minato going DAD WHOS THIS WHO IS THAT DAD HEY DAD HEY DAD WHO IS THAT DAD—

(Listen this is a hard day for everyone. Minato included. But this. This. He could just. Really use a fucking break. Thanks.)

But anyways Ming Fan is here and even if he got the option to go home, like, right now, he honestly probably wouldnt take it bc now hes kind of pissed. What do you MEAN Konoha is under attack? What do you MEAN some masked figure killed Sakumo years ago and now is back and also claiming to be Madara Uchiha and theyre trying to fucking kill everyone??

So yeah he's on board to fight, Konoha headband equipped to his belt, he's ready to stick around some more before he tries to go home again.

(and then someone gasps theatrically at Pain's eyes and goes "omg the rinnegan,, the mystical eyes said to be able to traverse time and space,,," and Ming Fan goes WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY THOSE EYES CAN DO")

But also Pain is dead now. So.

(Distant Sasuke, who is still following the beats of his canon story but just undercover under Minato's orders now noises)

So like Ming Fan sticks around, battles happen, we get Kakashi and an older Nawaki remembering him. Nawaki falls back a bit into his old view of thinking Ming Fan is just the coolest, but meanwhile Kakashi kind of takes on the role Izuna used to have, and now him and Ming Fan are having little cat fights in the bg

(With Sakumo having lived so much longer + having been able to comfort his son after Obito's death, the lack of Rin, Minato, and Kushina's death, and just in general all the little things stacking up in a different way than before, Kakashi avoided his major personality shift and is a lot closer to being the strict, bratty kid he used to be than the lazy, perpetually late slack off we know and love in canon)

anyways, blah blah blah, stuff happens, lots of battles, drama, oh my,

Finally we get to the Hokage's being revived for the final battle.

For whatever reason, Ming Fan was occupied somewhere else, possibly getting wrapped up in Sasuke's shit, when they were brought back.

So like.

POV he enters the battlefield, intending to face off with Madara. Then just.

Tobirama, distantly across the battlefield: ᵒʰ ˢʰᶦᵗ ⁿᵒ ʷᵃʸ

Ming Fan, who can hear him just fine bc cultivator: OH SHIT YES WAY YOU USELESS HACK

Ming Fan spends way too much time shouting at Tobirama when he should be FIGHTING GET BACK TO WORK MING FAN

I need a Ming Fan > Izuna > Kakashi bitch fest where they all just fucking snip at each other actually, I think it'd be funny

Ming Fan probably winds up yelling at Madara too, who did not expect to see him here

"Didn't the Senju send you home??"

"Didn't you die after making a fool of yourself in front of all of Konoha??"

Ming Fan doesnt use chakra so he's able to help back up Gai in his fight against Madara, and Gai is able to leave the battle not crippled for life, which is nice

Kaguya descends, things happen, the fight is won and the day is saved, and the fighting finally comes to an end

Sasuke somehow manage to end up with the rinnegan, and instead of trying to use the hiraishan for the third fucking time, Sasuke agrees to try and instead use it (and Ming Fan's qi) as a homing beacon to try and find his original dimension w the rinnegan! Much more reliable method

And so, for the final time, Ming Fan says his goodbyes.

It's,,, an event.

The old hokage's, including Sakumo, are still around with the power of edo tensei, and he's able to give his goodbyes to them all once again, one by one.

Tobirama gives only a brief apology for the seal not working as it should before dissolving into mumbled theories of what might have gone wrong— then remembers himself and shakes his head, offering a curt goodbye

Izuna scoffs and says that at this rate, he expects to see Ming Fan again in a couple decades when the next chakra goddess tries to explode the world and the living are forced to once again turn to him for help💅

Ming Fan tells him to shut the fuck up, and if it happens then he'll just look forward to getting another opportunity to call him a fool to his face, instead of to a grave.

Izuna laughs, and waves him away

Kagami doesn't have too much to say, but thanks Ming Fan for his help. "You may be from another world, but you are just as much of a konoha man as any of us."

Ming Fan... chooses not to take this as an insult. Instead, he nods his head, and gives Kagami the full respect a Hokage would ordinarily deserve, for quite possibly the first time.

Sakumo, he finds holding his son as Kakashi clings to his shoulder. Ming Fan watches for a moment, and Sakumo catches his eye. He gives him a big, genuine smile, mouths thank you, and bows his head.

They already said their goodbyes once, and Ming Fan doesn't wish to take any of the time he has left away from his son. He nods back, and continues.

Minato, when he finds him, is hiding out on the battlefield, laying down with an arm covering his eyes. He groans, when he sees Ming Fan, but sits up.

"Don't despair, you'll finally be getting rid of me." Ming Fan sighs, and Minato snorts.

Minato is... Well, he's a lot more fond of Ming Fan than he once was. Even if the man is still a giant pain in the ass. They speak for a bit, Ming Fan advises him to go ahead and retire already, god knows its what his son would want, and Minato stares up at the sky.

"At this point? I really should have ages ago."

Minato shakes himself, and finally stands, offering a hand to Ming Fan.

Ming Fan clasps his risks, and they nod to each other, probably more civil than they ever have been before.

"Fighting with you has been.... a wonder." Minato seemed to settle on, and Ming Fan arched a brow.

"Not an honor?"

"I think we both know the answer to that."

Ming Fan rolled his eyes, but still smirked.

"Likewise. Take care of your family."

"May you finally return to yours."

And with that, they part ways.

He's walking back to Sasuke, when those who had been edo tenseid fade away. He's just in time to see Kakashi, back turned, as he watches his father go for one final time.

When he turns, he catches his eye. Eyes, plural, as it seems Obito had left him with quite the gift.

Kakashi nods to him, seeming still overwhelmed with his fathers departure, and not quite sure what else to say to Ming Fan.

It's a stark cry from their first goodbye, Kakashi so far from the young boy who once clung to Ming Fan's leg, huffing about him not being allowed to leave till he taught him just a little bit more.

It's Ming Fan, who takes the steps towards the man.

"I'm glad my lessons were ever of any use to you. You've certainly made better use of them than I ever could have imagined." He says, and when Kakashi goes just a touch red under his mask, Ming Fan thinks he might understand what Shizun was talking about, when he laments about the cuteness of his students even once grown.

"WHAT? Are you seriously gonna go, just like that?"

It's Naruto, who's apparently caught wind of Ming Fan planning to leave sooner rather than later.

"No way am I letting you leave with the bastard before he's given me an explanation!" Naruto grabs Sasuke, who with the pained face of someone who knows they're about to get what they deserve, just sort of lets it happen.

"You gotta stay for at least the celebration! We finally won, it's time to party!"

(Ming Fan laughs, and he decides that just for a bit longer— Just a night more, he will stay)

It has been one year to the day, since Shen Qingqiu's head disciple disappeared.

The exact allowance of a disciple to vanish, before you must consider declaring them dead.

Shen Qingqiu...

Doesn't like to talk about it. Binghe seems to realize he can only comfort him so much for this fact, and today has taken to giving him a bit of space, which he appreciates.

It's for this reason, when a swirl appears in his bamboo hut, depositing two men, that Shen Quingqiu is alone.

"Shizun, this disciple is reporting his absence for these last 6 years. I apologize for my lateness." Ming Fan cries, falling to his knees and bowing his head.

Shen Quingqiu is on his feet in an instant, reaching towards his disciple, already having to suppress the cry rising up in his throat as he falls to his own knees, taking Ming Fan's hands in his own.

"Ming Fan will not apologize for thing out of his own control, this one is overjoyed to see you home."

The man behind his disciple shifts, and Ming Fan gestures towards him.

"This Uchiha Sasuke has assisted in bringing me—"

Wait WHAT.

Fuckin. Lugh track. Roll credits. Idk. Boom. Done. Theres ur au. Fuck how did this end up being so long

146 notes · View notes

tinandabin · 2 years ago

Text

Yandere hashiras x modern reader PART 2

Part 1

@mikoz-u I woke up and wrote this.

Having your tongue cut off wasn't pleasant, especially from your own creations. All because you happened to talk about their oh-so-sad past.

But will that stop you? No. So of course, you have to learn sign language now. And you did.

The hashiras were baby-ing you more ever since they had to 'punish you.' Really now? PUNISH? Babe, that's not a punishment, it's a crime.

Did they care? No.

Mitsuri would out of the random start blabbering apologies and start crying saying of how she was just soo sad.. She really didn't wanna hurt you! But it was for your own good. But she promises that she didn't wanna hurt you! :(

And our dear Sanemi couldn't just get enough of taunting you, saying that those were the consequences of your own action. Sometimes Obanai would join him.

He would all be like, "See? If you hadn't talked shit and acted like a brat, none of this would've happened." All the while you would be cursing him off in sign language.

All of them learnt sign language with you, which was one of the most convenient way to talk to you.

But did the all of you ever have a civil conversation? No.

You would still be taunting them in sign language, obviously.

"Sabito died because of you, Giyuu!"

"Genya is all alone and is probably dead, just because you couldn't stay in your own world, Sanemi!"

And more and more taunts at their past.

You've made them cry NUMEROUS times. But they never cried in front of you, though.

They were now contemplating cutting off your fingers.

They do regret cutting off your tongue, a bit. I mean, they can't hear your sweet voice now.. Even if it was always insulting them, still.

They just wish for you to behave like a good girl so that all of you can live in peace and harmony.

Is that too much to ask now? They've gone through so much all because of you, and now you refuse to be their place for solace and calm? Don't act so selfish, now.

All you have to do is sit there and behave. They will take care of everything else. You wouldn't even need to lift a finger.

"Ne, [Name]-Chan, please open your mouth!! This is extremely delicious," Mitsuri swooned, hovering some mochi near your mouth. You couldn't do anything but open your mouth, still remembering what happened the last time you didn't.

In the background, you could hear Obanai and Sanemi chuckle saying how their 'punishment' seemed to work.

Like a doll, you were dragged from one hashira to another. All of them saying, '"It's my turn now with [Name]!" Were you some kind of damn puppet? You would say that, but you can't. I mean, your hands are tied and you can't speak..

Muichiro dragging you with him outside to your backyard to cloud-gaze so that he can lay in your lap.

Uzui forcefully making you model different clothes he bought for you, some of them too revealing for your liking.

Kyojuro making you watch a movie with him, thinking of it as a date and all the while ignoring the fact that you were tied up.

Mitsuri styling your hair and squishing your cheeks, treating you like some kind of Teddy bear. Man, you feel like biting her hand if she touches your hair once again.

Gyomei is the most tolerable, since all he wants to do is simply be in your presence.

And then comes Shinobu The Witch. She is probably secretly researching how to make a 'love potion.' If given the right materials, then man you are doomed. I feel like she would enjoy gardening with you. To her, it feels intimate.

All Giyuu wants to do is hold your hand and cuddle you. Anywhere. He doesn't care who is watching and where you are. Probably the neediest and clingy.

Sanemi would also likely make you watch him cook. Look, you can't tell me he isn't a good cook. I refuse to believe such bullshit. The food he makes is bomb, but of course, you would never admit it to his face.

Last but not least is Obanai. He is too shy to ask for your attention so he would most likely be stalking you doing different activities with everybody in the shadows.

You are just some doll for all of them. A real, breathing doll.

Masterlist

1K notes · View notes

herefortheships · 1 month ago

Note

Why do you think he fell in love with Lydia? see, it's much stronger than it was for Dolores, I'm not going to ask when because it would be complicated Bj and Lydia have such opposite personalities

Love this question! And to be honest, ever since I watched BJBJ I've been wondering about this. Because, to me, at least when I first watched the movie, I got to the conclusion that he must have fallen in love with her over the years; that he never had any true romantic inclinations towards Lydia in the first movie. So I had to wonder, what changed?

This answer got long... So I'll put a little summary, Tl;Dr answer here: I think there's an in-canon reason he fell for her and a meta reason why Tim Burton and co decided to make Betelgeuse be in love with Lydia in canon. The in-canon reason: Opposites attract. She is exactly his type: a dark, mysterious beauty. Plus her calm demeanor suits his unhinged nature. Their energies play nicely off each other, completing and balancing each other in a way no one else could, whether Lydia realizes it now or not. Lydia also never seemed to mind ugly, scary, dark things, and Betelgeuse is kind of all of that. At some point he grew fond of her and started needing this sweet, dark beauty in his (after)life. The meta reason: Lydia and Betelgeuse are a favorite "Burton Couple", almost right there with Jack and Sally, at least to a LOT of people.

Now to the long answer, because I totally always write a lot (below the read more cut bc this one got pretty long):

I think to properly answer why he fell in love with her, I do need to get into the when. And this is where I might have to put a "trigger warning" just in case, since I will touch upon how he felt towards Lydia in the first movie, when she was a teenager. Anyone uncomfortable with that needs to click away now. We're going to analyze this with the context and nuance of Betelgeuse's backstory. Context and nuance tend to be overlooked a LOT when the purity factions of fandom want to impose moral superiority upon other members of the fandom, so maybe placing the "trigger warning" may not be enough, but, anyway, you've been warned about the topics of this post.

The context and nuance: Betelgeuse, when alive, lived in the time of the bubonic plague, this means he was alive during the 1300s, presumably in Italy. At that time, marrying a 15-16 year old was socially acceptable and normal. Heck, even younger than that (as unacceptable as that seems to us today in our modern times). So it wasn't that strange as it is today. The reason is that people often didn't get to live past 30. The average, oldest age of death around the time was 60 years old. It was also common for men of the time (and where Betelgeuse lived in Italy, and Europe, as I’m reading in these articles) to marry much later than women, as in it was common for men in their 30s and 40s to marry a 14 year old (which I believe is even younger than Lydia was in that movie, not sure). All of that is in that article. That depends entirely on social ranking though; if he was lower class often people married for convenience and I'm not sure but I think age wasn't a factor to consider when people were struggling. In Europe even in the 1800s you'd see age gaps in marriages. //Edit: and America! For some reason my brain when I wrote this at midnight thought Poe was European 💀.// Edgar Allan Poe married a 13 year old when he was 27, for example (which I totally find super weird, personally, but at their time it wasn't a super weird thing as it is today, as far as I've read; it was also normal to marry a cousin around that time in the upper class and upper middle class, or so I've seen). Was Tim Burton aware? Who knows. But at least I'm putting this out there as the context why it isn't weird for Betelgeuse the character to see a teenager as someone of marrying age. We also know he didn't want to marry her in the first movie because he was in love with her; she was a means to an end, more than anything, regardless of any interest he had in her due to her looks etc.

Ok, so now that that's out of the way we can keep talking. Even though I joined the Beetlebabes fandom only after the second movie, and shipping these two characters never once crossed my mind throughout the years of me watching the first movie, after some thought and after rewatching the movie with the knowledge of where the story goes after the events of that movie, I can definitely see that Betelgeuse became interested in Lydia ever since the first movie, and also why he's head over heels for her in the present.

Even though I still think he fell in love over the years after the events of the first movie, I think he became smitten with her since the first movie. Here's why he fell for her: For starters, she is a dark and mysterious beauty, and that seems to be his type (look at Delores, also a dark beauty). We can actually see the moment he first shows interest in her in the first movie, when he saw her while in his snake form. She was the only one he did not hurt. He only stared at her, almost like he was taken aback by her. When Barbara banishes him back to the model, we have that little moment when he mentions he feels the only one he can make a deal with in that house is "Edgar Allan Poe's daughter", meaning Lydia. And we have the little horny joke, so if you wanna throw that one in there as evidence he became interested in her here, then sure you can. As this happens directly after he's seen Lydia face to face... Rember the context above before you want to call him a pdfler or something... please. He is Not.

Then later when she meets him in his real form, she doesn't seem startled or scared that she's in the presence of a demon/ghost. In fact, she just simply asks him "are you a ghost, too?" and that's when he starts making some conversation. He realizes she can see him and communicate with him. You can tell at this point he is intrigued by her. She is the only one he's shown a sort of sensitivity to in the entire movie. He asks her "why?" when she says she wants to go in to the after life (essentially, that she wants to di e). He doesn't try anything naughty with her; instead, next time he sees her when she asks for his help, he proposes the marriage.

Now, at the time I don't think he loved her or even cared much about her; at this time he just wanted out and here was an eligible woman, who was not only beautiful and available, she could also see him and needed his help, which he used as his way to try to get out of the afterlife. I think once they got rid of him, and he realized he could still connect with her over the years, his interest in her grew and he started really growing fond of her until inevitably he fell in love.

Lydia is physically his type, but there's also a calmness to her that plays against his unpredictable, unhinged personality. She's someone who can balance him, and he's someone she could hold on to; there's an energy in him that she can use. Of course Lydia doesn't yet see how she'd be compatible with someone like him, but from an outsider's perspective, they really compliment each other's personalities. She's calm and quiet; he's crazy and loud. She's reserved; he's outgoing. She's a dark cloud; he's high-energy, like sunshine. Etc. Opposites attract. 💚

Now finally, the meta reason: Lydia and Betelgeuse seem to be a favorite "Burton couple" not only to Tim Burton himself (and the cast of the movie themselves!) but also to a great number of people. There's people who grew up watching the Beetlejuice cartoon series and didn't even watch the first movie, who for years had the idea that these two characters actually adore each other. There were people who were going in to watch this movie with that context only. And there were even people who were going to watch the sequel as their introduction to Beetlejuice (like my mom's best friend, for example! She loved the sequel but has NEVER watched the first movie nor the cartoon. She also wanted Betelgeuse and Lydia to end up together after watching this one, by the way). From a meta perspective, Lydia and Betelgeuse are just a fan favorite couple and an inseparable pair. So partly the choice to make it canon that at least he is absolutely in love with her comes from this expectation that many people had for these two characters. It just feels natural; they're just an iconic Burton pair.

#Beetlebabes #Long answer #anon #anon questions #answer #Betelgeuse and Lydia #Beetlejuice x Lydia #Beetlejuice #Beetlejuice meta #Things I write #Beej and Lyds #Betelgeuse x Lydia #I am literally about to go to bed so I hope this is coherent lol #I also wanted to share more articles about marriage age the plague etc but I'm too tired to search #But I'm sure all of it is readily available on Google #Added a bit more after I published

60 notes · View notes

teleportbooks · 11 months ago

Text

Ficbinding: 誰謂河廣、一葦杭之 | who says the river is wide (or, Lan Fangji) by @astronicht

Astronicht's Lan Fangji series is a wangxian Italian Renaissance AU (they are visiting). Also, a vampire AU (“A european vampire,” he says, “my uncle will be so disappointed.”) Please read it if you haven't, I'll wait.

Anyway so a year or so ago I did a mockup title page just for fun in a vaguely historically appropriate style, but at that point I had no intention of actually binding the series because at under 20k words in total, it would make for a pretty thin tome. Enter: @renegadepublishing's tiny book bang! This was an event where participants typeset fic in miniature and passed it off to someone else to bind. On a smaller page size, it worked out well. The typesetting is loosely modeled after Aldus Manutius (did you know you can just look at full scans of really old books on archive.org? it's very cool). He's credited with inventing italic type and with popularizing printing 8 pages on a sheet (octavo) for more conveniently sized books. This book is also an octavo! But on smaller paper. I don't know if shaping the text into a triangle at the end of sections was his thing or if everyone did it back then but I like it, it's very fun. The AU setting is a little before his time but iirc not too far off. I printed the art (by @butleronice, included with permission) in black and white to better match the style.

Here I will pause to recommend KPS Fonts (a collection of historic fonts) and Bookbinder JS (an online tool which can rearrange your pdf into an octavo or pretty much any other imposition you might want).

So, I didn't do the binding for the exchange, but I couldn't help thinking "what if I bind it in a historically appropriate style too?" and then this happened. This style of limp vellum binding covered a wide historical range and I think is reasonably appropriate? Though the specific details of construction are closer to modern conservation techniques, because that's what I could find instructions for. I'm not entirely sure that what I bought from etsy was the right sort of vellum for this project, but the nice stuff is beyond my current purchasing power so this will have to do. For the paper, I bought some big sheets of drawing paper from the craft store (off-white cotton paper, with a laid texture instead of smooth like printer paper) and cut them down to letter size so they would fit in my printer.

#bookbinding #fanbinding

388 notes · View notes

marsplastic13 · 4 months ago

Text

'Complicated' (part 11) - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn.

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names)

Genre: modern AU, slow burn

word count: 7.1k

notes: wasn't sure if updating both of my fics on the same day or not but I looked around and there was no one to stop me, so here we are

@millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram @syd649 @luffysprincess @cryptidghostgirl @beekeepingageissome

@hufflepuff-16

After she left the next morning, Kaz found himself reluctantly returning to the rhythm of his everyday life. With a heavy sigh, he powered on his phone for the first time in nearly a week. Messages from Inej awaited him, reminders of a life he was still tethered to despite the tumultuous path he had chosen. His thumb scrolled through their conversations, tracing a history of promises, affection, and the mundane details of their lives intertwined. The ache in his chest was palpable as he revisited photos she had sent, words of longing and love that now felt like shards of broken promises.

Her harsh words echoed through his mind, but time had dulled their sharpness, rendering them less important and less vivid. He questioned the clarity of his memories—had Inej truly been that mad, or had he distorted her anger through the lens of his own guilt and frustration? The more he pondered, the more the lines blurred. Was he simply grasping for an excuse to run to Y/n, to justify his actions and calm his conscience?

He remembered the night of the argument with Inej, her eyes flashing with a mix of hurt and anger. Her words had cut deep, but now, in retrospect, he wondered if he had overemphasized their severity. Did she genuinely believe the things she had hurled at him, or were they borne from a moment of vulnerability? His own response had been less than ideal, driven by a volatile cocktail of defensiveness and shame.

Scrolling through her messages, every promise he had made to Inej, every "I miss you" and "I love you", felt like they were written in sand, vulnerable to the tide of his shifting emotions. The pictures she had sent him from her travels, the little reminders that she was thinking of him—these were the threads of a relationship that he was now considering severing. He could almost feel her presence as he scrolled through their chat, each one a testament to their love, yet each one now weighed with the burden of his doubts.

His mind kept circling back to Y/n. Was she a genuine new beginning, or a convenient escape? The more he considered it, the less clear the answer became. He knew he was drawn to her, irresistibly so, but was it fair to put the blame for his actions solely on his feelings for her?

Kaz had to admit to himself that perhaps he had been searching for an out, a way to justify moving on without fully confronting the mistakes he had made with Inej. He was caught in a web of his own making, unsure which strands were real and which were merely illusions. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that no matter how much he tried to rationalize his choices, the underlying truth was inescapable: he had betrayed Inej's trust, and there was no simple way to reconcile that with his feelings for Y/n.

He shook his head, pushing these thoughts to the side as he refocused on the task at hand: ensuring the Crow Club was still standing and that his boss didn’t fire him. He could talk to Inej another time.

But 'another time' kept getting delayed, and Kaz soon found himself immersed in a new routine with Y/n, their days blending together in a haze of new comfort and desire.

***

One particularly difficult day, after a grueling meeting that had gone poorly, Kaz found himself in his car, trying to shake off the frustration. He leaned back, loosening his tie.

He checked his phone, hoping for a distraction. ‘Do you need me to pick you up at the gym?’ he texted Y/n, she usually got out around that time.

She replied with a picture of herself in bed and the message, ‘Got my period.’

Kaz frowned, dialing her number while starting the car. "What?" she asked.

"I thought you used birth control to skip your period," he said, confused.

"Yeah, didn’t have one in years. A client asked me to—” her voice trailed off, “You know what? It’s gross. I’ll spare you the details.”

Kaz hummed in acknowledgment, relieved. "Thanks, love. Do you want to do something?"

"Cry," she replied, annoyance evident in her voice. "Are you coming here?"

"Already on my way," he said without hesitation.

***

One evening, Kaz was getting ready to head out, meticulously fixing his hair in the mirror, when two messages popped up on his phone, derailing his focus. His stomach sank as he read them.

‘Kaz, can you stop avoiding me, please? I leave in two days,’ read the message from Inej.

‘Sorry baby, something came up. I can’t make it tonight,’ from Y/n.

It felt like the planets had aligned to royally screw him over. Kaz’s heart raced with the realization that he couldn't avoid the confrontation any longer. Inej was right; they couldn't drag this situation out any more. Torn between frustration and guilt, he left Y/n on read, knowing it was petty and immature, but unable to help himself. He quickly responded to Inej, telling her he was free right then. Now or never, he thought.

Before Inej arrived, Kaz hurriedly tried to erase any signs of Y/n’s increasingly constant presence. He felt a pang of guilt as he hid a vape she had left on the coffee table and straightened up the bathroom, removing her toiletries from the sink.

Half an hour later, a knock on the door announced Inej’s arrival. She greeted him with a kiss on the cheek, her smile tentative. They sat on the couch, the atmosphere between them thick with tension and unspoken words.

“So, how have you been? Jesper told me you were in Lij last week,” Inej started cheerfully, attempting to break the ice.

Lies and more lies, Kaz thought bitterly. “Yeah, everything’s good. What about you?” he replied, forcing calm into his voice.

“Good, good,” Inej said, glancing around the room. “Look, Kaz, I’m sorry for what I said.”

“So you don’t think that?” Kaz asked, his tone sharp.

Inej sighed, reaching for his hand. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be intimate with someone again, and I thought our issues matched, yeah. I’m sorry if it came out harsher than I intended.”

Kaz scoffed, his anger bubbling up. “You knew I always wanted to be better. You thought I would never be able to do it.”

“I… I thought that you would overcome some things, like holding hands or kissing, but no, I never thought you would ever want to try to go further,” she admitted.

“What do you think we should do?” he asked, looking directly at her.

“What do you mean?” she seemed genuinely surprised.

“About us,” he clarified.

Inej’s eyes widened, confusion and fear crossing her face. “Are you… are you breaking up with me, Kaz?”

He sighed heavily, feeling his strength and resolve to end things leaving him. “I don’t know, Nej, you hurt me.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, brushing her thumb on his palm, the gesture intimate yet distant.

“What if we want different things?” he asked, the unspoken ‘What if I cheated on you?’ hanging in the air between them.

“We’ll figure it out,” she said, moving closer to him.

Kaz’s mind raced. Could they really figure it out? Was it fair to Inej to try when his heart was increasingly entangled with Y/n? He thought about the nights spent with Y/n, the way she made him feel alive and understood in ways he hadn’t felt in a long time. He thought about how Y/n made him forget his own hesitations and fears, and how he had started to rely on her presence as a balm for his troubled mind.

But he also remembered the history he shared with Inej, the bond forged in shared struggles and victories. Could he really throw that away? Was his relationship with Y/n built on a solid foundation, or was it simply an escape from his own failures and insecurities?

As Inej moved closer, he felt a pang of guilt. Here was a woman who had stood by him through thick and thin, who knew his darkest secrets and still chose to stay.

He nodded, surrendering at her.

Kaz woke up to an empty bed and a note from Inej, saying she had gone to the coffee shop nearby for breakfast. He stretched, feeling the stiffness in his muscles ease as he sat up. The morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room. He was just starting to wake up when the door opened, and Inej walked in, balancing two cups and a bag of pastries.

“You have no idea who I just ran into,” Inej said as she entered, her voice filled with curiosity and amusement.

“Who?” Kaz asked, taking his coffee from her and hiding behind the cup.

“Y/N! Your boss's ex-girlfriend,” she clarified, as if he could have forgotten who she was.

“No way,” he responded, trying to keep his tone neutral as he sipped his coffee.

“Yeah,” Inej continued, her tone light and conversational. “She’s always been a bit weird. When I spotted her, she was asking the waiter to write something like ‘sorry for yesterday night’ on the cup.”

Kaz’s eyes widened, his heart pounding in his chest. He focused on his coffee, trying to keep his composure as Inej went on.

“Of course, I went to say hi,” she said, taking a sip of her tea. “And she looked at me like she saw a ghost. Weird, but okay.”

Kaz couldn’t focus on her words, his mind racing with the implications of what she was saying.

“So, I asked her what she was doing around here since I remember she told me she lives in another neighborhood,” Inej continued, oblivious to his inner turmoil. “She told me a guy she's seeing lives nearby! What a coincidence! I told her you live right around the corner!”

“Yeah, what a coincidence,” Kaz whispered, feeling a cold dread settle in his stomach.

“She asked if I was getting you breakfast, and I told her we had a fight but made up yesterday, and I wanted to do something nice since I leave tomorrow. And you know what she does?”

Kaz shook his head, unsure of what to expect.

“She says we’re really cute and then said she wasn’t that sorry for yesterday night, threw one of the coffees in the bin, and stormed out!” Inej laughed. “Can you believe it? Didn’t even say goodbye!”

Kaz shrugged, hiding the rising panic within him. The thought of what could have happened haunted his mind. Y/N had been coming to his house, ready to apologize for canceling the night before, and he hadn’t even let her know that Inej was there or that they had reconciled.

He silently thanked Ghezen that Y/N and Inej met at the coffee shop and not at his doorstep. He had no idea of how he could’ve justified y/n presence to Inej.

“Kaz?” Inej’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. “Are you okay?”

He forced a smile, nodding. “Yeah, just a lot on my mind.”

She gave him a concerned look but didn’t press further. Kaz knew he had to find Y/N and set things right before it was too late.

Kaz stared at his phone, the weight of his decisions pressing down on him. He sent a quick message to Y/n: ‘Everything okay?’

A few minutes later, her reply came: ‘Feeling guilty?’ Of course, she saw right through him. ‘You should :)’ she added.

He shook his head, but a third message captured his attention. It was a picture of the previous night, Y/n holding the toddler she sometimes babysitted. ‘Yesterday’s date. Jealous?’

Kaz felt a pang of jealousy mixed with something deeper. He couldn’t help but notice how good she looked with a baby in her arms. “A lot,” he replied.

Maybe she wasn’t as mad as he feared.

***

Inej left the next day with a promise to return in a month and a small kiss on his lips. Kaz sat in his car, still in the harbor parking lot, unsure of his next move. He wanted to reach out to Y/n but wasn’t sure what to say. Where were their boundaries now?

He decided to call her anyway. “Your girlfriend’s seat is still warm, love, what do you want?” she replied playfully. She was right, of course.

“What are you doing?” he asked, starting the car.

“Babysitting. I’m at the park.”

“Again?”

“The parents want the second one.”

“Oh,” he frowned.

“Yeah.”

They both sat in silence for a moment. Then, he gave in. “Send me your location. I’m coming.”

When he arrived, he found Y/n with the toddler asleep in her arms. “I was supposed to tire you out, not put you to sleep,” she protested softly.

“Even babies think you’re boring,” Kaz commented, immediately looking for her Switch in her bag.

“You didn’t sound so bored when you asked me to marry you and have your children,” she retorted with a satisfied smirk.

He glanced at her, blushing slightly. “Fair point.”

“You know that I brought the switch for her, right? Not for you.”

“She can go play around. I can't ”

y/n hummed, still trying to keep the toddler awake. “Do you want kids?” he asked, finally setting aside the game. “You look good with them.”

Y/n raised her eyebrows as much as her Botox allowed. “What now?”

“I mean, you seem good with them,” he desperately tried to correct his slip-up. “I didn’t—”

“Come on, Kaz, not the breeding kink, with all the fun things we could do,” she whined, laughing.

“I don’t have a breeding kink,” he weakly protested, still cursing himself.

“Really? Because it sure seems like it,” she teased, a playful glint in her eye. “First, you tell me you would have kids with me if that’s what I want. Then, you’re begging to do it without protection. What’s next, Kaz?”

Kaz groaned, his cheeks flushing. “I was just caught up in the moment, and you’re on birth control.”

“Sure you were,” she laughed, clearly enjoying his discomfort. “Face it, you’ve got a bit of a breeding kink. Admit it.”

He looked away, trying to hide his embarrassment. “I don’t. It’s just... I care about you.”

“Right, because caring about me totally explains why you keep bringing up babies,” she said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

Kaz ran a hand through his hair, feeling the heat rise in his face. “Can we drop this?”

“No way, this is too much fun,” she grinned. “I mean, come on, Kaz. Just own it.”

He shook his head, still blushing furiously. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re adorable when you’re embarrassed,” she teased, poking his side. “But seriously, it’s kind of sweet. Weird, but sweet.”

“Sweet?” he scoffed. “I’m not sweet.”

“Oh, you so are. Especially when you’re all flustered like this,” she said, leaning in closer. “But don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

Kaz sighed, trying to regain his composure. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“Not a chance,” she grinned. “But it’s okay. I kind of like the idea of you being at least a bit twisted, sexually speaking.”

He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips. “Why do I keep talking with you?”

“Accept your fate, love,” she concluded, shoving him playfully. “Your undeniable kinks aside, yeah, I think I’m going to have children one day. What about you?”

“I don’t know. I never gave it much thought. I thought I could never have sex, so…” his voice trailed off. “And Inej doesn’t want any.”

Y/n laughed. “I’m not asking about Inej.”

“Well, I don’t know. I don’t really like babies,” he shrugged, still refusing to acknowledge how good she looked playing with the toddler.

Despite the distraction, Kaz couldn't shake the guilt that settled in his chest, mingling with a confusing mix of emotions. He wanted to speak, to apologize, but he found himself at a loss for words. The silence stretched, heavy and uncomfortable.

“Are you mad about the other day?” he finally asked, breaking the silence.

“Why should I be?” she replied, her tone casual but with an edge that cut through him.

“I told you I would break up with her,” he said, his voice tinged with guilt and frustration.

Kaz watched as Y/n sighed and shook her head. “Kaz, let’s make this clear. I don’t care. She’s not my girlfriend, I don’t know her. I still watch her videos because she’s hot as hell, but we're not even friends.” She turned to look at him, her eyes piercing through his facade. “You want to go down this path of lies and sneaking out? That’s my everyday thing. You’re not my boyfriend and I don’t want you to be. So it’s your call, I’m not going to stop you.”

Kaz sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. He felt a lump form in his throat, her words hitting harder than he expected. He thought he was prepared for her honesty, but hearing it out loud was different. He had always prided himself on being in control, but with her, things were different. She made him question everything he thought he knew about himself.

“You want to play girlfriend with me while she’s away? Let’s do it. It’s not me you’re lying to. Come on, love, how much time passed between her leaving and you calling me? Five minutes?”

He closed his eyes, the truth of her words hitting him hard. It was even less than five minutes. He had reached out to Y/n almost immediately, seeking company and distraction.

“I like spending time with you. I tried to stop you and make you reason, but I thought about it. I’m not the person that should tell you what is right and what is not. Do you want to promise me you’re going to leave her for me? Do it, you’re lying to yourself. Plus, cheating makes sex great.”

“I should feel more guilty about it,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t like how I’m treating you.”

“It’s fine, Kaz. I like the drama and, well, that’s always how it goes for me—the other woman,” she said, her tone less cheerful and more resigned.

Kaz threw his head back, the weight of her remark sinking in. It hurt. He hated when she reminded him that he was no better than the other men she’d been with. She was right, and it stung.

He looked at her, watching how easily she managed the toddler, how natural she seemed in that role. He found himself wondering what kind of future they could have together if things were different. But those thoughts were quickly overshadowed by the reality of their situation.

“Y/n,” he began, his voice thick with emotion. “You deserve better than this. Better than me.”

She turned to him, her eyes softening slightly. “I’m not looking for forever, Kaz. I don’t want ‘better’. I mean, look at you,” she laughed, a bitter edge to her tone, “how fucking messed up is your life right now? And why? Because you can’t let go of your teenage crush? Sorry, but I don’t want to end up like you, it’s sad.”

Kaz frowned, the sting of her words hitting deep. “There’s no need to be mean now.”

“Someone has to do a reality check on you sometimes,” she shrugged, her voice unapologetic. “Also, I am mean, baby, I won’t sugarcoat this to make you feel better. I’m not your saintly girlfriend. And by the way, she’s not saintly at all. She’s really passive-aggressive. You should have seen how she looked at him the other day.”

“Come on, Y/n, calm down.”

“I am super calm, Kaz. Super chill.” She leaned in, her eyes locking onto his with a predatory gleam. “I just want to see how fast you run to my bed while she’s sleeping in yours.” She whispered the words before kissing him, her lips pressing against his with a fierceness that made his resolve crumble.

Kaz hated how he melted into her mouth. She could be as mean as she wanted if it meant she’d let him kiss her venomous lips. The taste of her was intoxicating, pulling him deeper into a web of conflicting desires and emotions.

He broke the kiss, breathless, trying to regain some semblance of control. “This isn’t right,” he murmured, though his hands betrayed him by lingering on her waist.

“No, it’s not,” she agreed, her voice softening slightly. “You’re no better than me Kaz, accept it.”

Before he could answer, two old women approached them, their faces lighting up with smiles. “Your baby is so beautiful,” they started cooing at the toddler in Y/n’s arms.

“Yeah, she’s all daddy,” Y/n said, glancing at Kaz with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

He snorted but played along, accepting the compliments from the ladies. “Thanks, she’s a handful,” he added, a smirk tugging at his lips.

The women beamed, one of them reaching out to tickle the baby’s chubby cheek. “You must be so proud,” the other one said, looking between Kaz and Y/n.

“Oh, we are,” Y/n replied, her voice dripping with faux sincerity. “She’s the light of our lives.”

The older of the two women chuckled. “She looks just like you, young man,” she said to Kaz. “Got your eyes and everything.”

Kaz smiled, glancing at the toddler. “Yeah, she does. Got her mother’s smile, though,” he added, nodding toward Y/n.

“You make such a lovely family,” the second woman said, her eyes twinkling with warmth. “How old is she?”

“Just turned two,” Y/n answered smoothly, bouncing the toddler gently. “Keeps us on our toes.”

“Do you have any more children?” the first woman asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Not yet,” y/n replied, her voice steady. “But we’re definitely trying, right love?”

Kaz shot her a sideways glance, his eyes sparkling. “Oh, absolutely,” he said, playing along. “It’s a full-time job, but we love every minute of it.”

The two women chuckled, clearly charmed by the young “family.” “Well, you two are doing a wonderful job,” the second woman said. “It’s nice to see such a happy, young family.”

“Thank you,” Kaz said, his hand resting lightly on Y/n’s back. “We do our best.”

As the women walked away, Kaz let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Y/n turned to him, amusement dancing in her eyes. “Trying, huh?” he teased.

“Shut up, you liked it.”

Kaz shrugged, a faint blush creeping up his neck.

Y/n turned to him, a smirk playing on her lips. “You handled that well, Daddy.”

He rolled his eyes but couldn’t help grinning. “You’re incorrigible, you know that?”

She shrugged, adjusting the toddler in her arms. “What can I say? I enjoy a good roleplay.”

Kaz shook his head, the smile lingering. Despite everything, he found himself drawn to her playful nature. It was a stark contrast to the seriousness that usually dominated his life.

“So, plans for tonight, mommy?” he smirked, unable to resist teasing her further.

Y/n’s gaze rolled over his body, a playful glint in her eyes. “Of course it turns you on,” he sighed, shaking his head.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not a blushing, shy schoolgirl like you are?” she shot back, her tone light but firm.

“I think I’ll need constant reminders,” he replied, his eyes locked on hers.

"I have a date later," she said, looking away casually.

Kaz hesitated, his brow furrowing. "Are you going to sleep with him?"

Y/n sighed, a hint of resignation in her voice. "I don't know, probably. I'm not very good at saying no."

"Do you even like him?" Kaz pressed, his tone tinged with concern.

She chuckled softly, shaking her head. "Not exactly my type, but he made a reservation at a restaurant with a waiting list of months and promised me Ozempic."

Kaz's glare intensified. "Tell me you're kidding, or I swear I'll kidnap you."

"Kinky," she teased, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Yes, I'm kidding. Relax."

He studied her carefully, trying to gauge her sincerity.

"Kaz, if you're about to tell me that you can bring me to that restaurant, I'm going to punch you," she warned, half-serious.

"Fine," he rolled his eyes, relenting.

She grinned triumphantly, enjoying the playful banter. Kaz couldn't help but smile despite himself, the tension between them easing momentarily. Their dynamic was always a mix of sharp wit and unspoken longing, a delicate balance they both struggled to maintain.

***

As Kaz sat alone in his apartment, the glow of the television casting flickering shadows around the room, he tried to distract himself with a movie. Yet, his mind kept drifting back to y/n and the evening's revelations. He absentmindedly scrolled through Instagram, the images of y/n in that opulent setting catching his attention again and again. The restaurant looked lavish.

But when he stumbled upon another person’s post—a picture in the exact same place y/n was —Kaz's jaw clenched involuntarily. Nikolai Lanstov was there. It couldn't be a coincidence. A wave of emotions surged through him—jealousy, suspicion, and an urgent need for answers.

He didn't hesitate. With a quick and terse message, he asked her outright, ‘Are you with Lanstov?’

The response came swiftly, almost too swiftly: ‘Yeah, you know him?’

Kaz gritted his teeth. He did know Nikolai, all too well. ‘Yes.’

Instead of evading or denying, y/n surprised him with a selfie of them together, an invitation laced with challenge: ‘Join us for drinks?’

Kaz felt a surge of possessiveness rise within him. He couldn't stand the thought of y/n spending time with Nikolai, of him wooing her with his charm and wealth. He knew he couldn't hide the turmoil inside him, nor did he want to. This wasn't about appearances or pride—it was about a visceral need to ensure y/n remained out of Nikolai's reach. He didn't care about appearing jealous or possessive. ‘On my way.’

Arriving at the upscale venue, Kaz was greeted by Nikolai's knowing grin. Their exchange was polite yet loaded with unspoken rivalry. "Dirtyhands," Nikolai acknowledged.

"Sturmhond," Kaz replied evenly, the old nicknames from their days of competition resurfacing effortlessly.

"Brekker."

"Lantsov."

Throughout their conversation, y/n watched them with an amused expression, her eyes darting between them like she was enjoying a tennis match. Kaz couldn't help but notice how she seemed to revel in their banter, as if she was testing their limits.

Nikolai, ever the provocateur, raised a playful eyebrow. “How's Inej?”

Kaz's response was swift, deflecting with practiced ease: “How's Zoya?”

They stared at each other with narrowed eyes.

Then y/n interjected, her tone teasing and her smile mischievous. "Oh, please go on," she urged, her tongue playing with the straw in her drink. "So you really know each other?"

Nikolai leaned back with a knowing smirk. “Of course. Me and Brekker go way back. The real question is, how do you two know each other?”

Y/n turned to Kaz, her gaze expectant. Kaz met her eyes confidently, a crooked smile playing on his lips. “She's my personal trainer,” he replied smoothly.

"I’m sure she is," laughed Nikolai, ordering another round with a movement of his hand.

Y/n's eyes kept darting between the two, with a dangerous smile on her lips.

"You know, I would really love to see Paris tonight," she said, getting up. "I'll go fix my makeup. I'll leave you to it." She briefly touched Kaz's shoulder before moving away.

Nikolai leaned back, "Fuck," he muttered, snorting.

"What?" asked Kaz, completely lost.

"Seriously, Brekker?" He asked, but Kaz frowned more, "She just asked for a threesome."

Kaz's jaw clenched at Nikolai's remark, his eyebrows knitting together in disbelief. He couldn't believe what he had just heard, and the implication sent a rush of discomfort through him. His mind raced, grappling with how to respond without letting his unease show too clearly.

"That's… not going to happen." Kaz said, his voice a mixture of incredulity and unease. He leaned slightly forward, his eyes narrowing as he searched Nikolai's face for any hint of jest or deception.

Nikolai leaned back, a smirk playing on his lips as he appraised Kaz's reaction, "I'm sure she'll be disappointed," he teased lightly, as if testing Kaz's reaction further.

Kaz leaned back, shaking his head.

"So you're sleeping with her?" Nikolai asked, his tone laced with curiosity and a hint of amusement.

Kaz hesitated, weighing his words carefully. "Something had happened," he admitted vaguely, unwilling to delve into the specifics of his complicated relationship with y/n.

Nikolai raised an eyebrow, a knowing smile playing on his lips. "That's why you ran here? Scared of the competition?" he teased lightly, his voice carrying a playful edge.

"Of you? You wish," Kaz retorted dryly, a touch of defensiveness in his tone. He glanced around the upscale establishment, suddenly feeling acutely aware of the dynamics at play. Nikolai was charismatic and charming, qualities that had undoubtedly attracted y/n's attention.

Nikolai chuckled softly, taking another sip of his drink. "Come now, Brekker," he said with a smirk, leaning back in his chair. "I know how these things go."

Kaz's jaw tightened imperceptibly, his gaze narrowing slightly as he considered Nikolai's words. He knew the game all too well—the subtle dance of attraction, jealousy, and power.

"She's not a game to me," Kaz stated firmly, his voice cutting through the ambient noise of the restaurant. His eyes locked onto Nikolai's, conveying a rare sincerity and vulnerability.

Nikolai's expression softened, his playful demeanor giving way to a more serious acknowledgment. "Are you sure you’re not a game to her?” he asked, his tone carrying a mix of curiosity and genuine concern.

Kaz felt a pang of discomfort at the question, realizing Nikolai's astuteness in probing the complexities of his relationship with y/n. He hesitated, unsure how to respond to the implication that he might be just another piece in y/n's intricate puzzle.

Nikolai leaned back in his chair, a knowing smile lingering on his lips. "You know, I didn’t make you the cheating type, Brekker," he remarked casually, his eyes glinting with amusement.

Kaz bristled slightly at the comment, his jaw tightening as he mulled over Nikolai's words. "You're literally here with another woman, how many dates did you have?" he retorted, his voice edged with a mixture of defensiveness and skepticism.

"This is the third," Nikolai replied nonchalantly, as if keeping track of such details was inconsequential to him.

Before their banter could continue further, y/n returned to their table, her presence instantly commanding attention. She locked eyes with Nikolai, a playful smirk dancing on her lips.

"He said no, right?" she asked, gesturing towards Kaz with a teasing glint in her eyes.

Nikolai chuckled, amused by the interaction. "Yeah, I’m sorry, sweetheart. Looks like we’ll have to do without him," he said with mock disappointment, kissing her hand gallantly.

Y/n giggled at Nikolai's theatrics, her eyes flickering between him and Kaz. Her gaze held a hint of mischief, as if she were enjoying the dynamic between the two men.

Kaz watched the exchange with a mix of bemusement and mild irritation, feeling like a pawn in their playful game.

The night brought more drinks and more playful tension, and the moment of heading home arrived.

“I’m getting you home,” said Kaz firmly.

Y/n looked at him with an intoxicated smile. “Are you jealous?” she whispered in his ear. Kaz glanced at Nikolai, who had moved away to greet someone else.

“Admit it and I’m yours for the night,” she added, her breath warm against his skin.

“Yes, I’m jealous,” he admitted, his voice low and sincere.

“Good boy,” she whispered, satisfied. Y/n got up to say goodbye to Nikolai, who turned to glance at Kaz.

“Next one is mine, Brekker,” Nikolai said with a smirk.

Kaz shook his head, sliding an arm around on her back and guiding her to his car. The possessive gesture felt right, and he relished the way her body fit against his side.

“Are you taking me to your house?” she asked, her voice laced with anticipation, recognizing the streets they were making.

“Yes,” he replied, clutching the steering wheel with one hand and resting the other firmly on her thigh.

“You could have told me sooner,” she said, leaning into the contact. “You’re hot while you drive.”

“You think so?” he asked, a hint of curiosity in his voice.

“Yeah, a lot,” she confirmed.

“Do you like my hair?” he asked impulsively. “I have a friend who always says it’s awful.”

Y/N’s eyes sparkled with amusement as she looked at him, her lips curling into a playful smile. “I like it,” she said without hesitation. “Especially when it’s completely disheveled and falls on your forehead. You look so hot after a shower that I just want to fuck you senseless and then cuddle you so much and so sweetly until you start crying and talking about how much you miss your mother.”

Kaz felt his face heat up, his usual composed demeanor faltering. The vividness of her words left him momentarily speechless. He watched as Y/N leaned over, her hand reaching out to mess his hair playfully, her touch light and affectionate.

“That’s… awfully detailed, please don’t do it,” he managed to say, his voice a mix of embarrassment and amusement. The image she painted was both flattering and unsettling.

Y/N laughed, a soft, melodic sound that eased the tension. “Too much?” she teased, her eyes meeting his with a warmth that reassured him.

Kaz nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Just a bit,” he replied, feeling a strange comfort in her playful honesty.

Y/n hummed, a pleased sound, and put on some music. The low hum of the car and the rhythmic beats of the music created an intimate atmosphere. She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of his hand on her thigh and the steady vibration of the car beneath them.

Kaz’s mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. He was used to control, to always having the upper hand, but Y/n had a way of disarming him. Her boldness, her carefree attitude, and the way she seemed to understand his darker edges left him feeling both exposed and exhilarated. As they drove through the quiet streets, he found himself stealing glances at her, marveling at how easily she fit into his life, even if it was in this chaotic, unconventional way.

As they pulled up to his place, Y/n’s fingers danced over his arm, tracing invisible patterns. “You know, I like jealous-Kaz,” she murmured, her lips curving into a seductive smile.

“Don’t get used to it,” he warned, though his tone lacked its usual edge.

“Too late,” she said, leaning in to press a kiss to his jaw. “Way too late.”

They got out of the car, and he led her inside, his hand still firmly on her waist. The night was far from over.

They fell asleep tangled, sweaty, and sticky, a situation Kaz never thought he could find himself in. The sheets were a mess, wrapped around their legs and clinging to their damp skin. His breathing was heavy, matching hers, as they lay there in his bedroom. Y/n's head rested on his chest, her hair a wild tangle across his skin.

The thought of sharing his bed, of falling asleep so intimately entwined with another person, had always seemed foreign, even impossible. Yet here he was, his arm draped protectively around her, his fingers lazily tracing patterns on her back.

***

Kaz was awakened by the door opening and closing, followed by Jesper's voice.

“What are you doing here?” he heard him ask Y/n.

“Breakfast, what are you doing here?” she retorted.

“Inej just left and I wanted to check on Kaz, but I guess he already found someone else to entertain himself with,” commented Jesper dryly.

Kaz sighed, knowing he wasn't ready to deal with them.

Y/n remained unfazed, “Should I add a plate for you?”

“I thought you were vegan.”

“I am,” she replied calmly.

“So you're cooking just for him?” Jesper's tone held a note of incredulity.

“Do you have a problem with it? I like cooking.”

“I’m just surprised, that’s all. Kaz isn’t exactly the breakfast-in-bed type.”

Kaz could imagine Y/n smirking. “Maybe you just don’t know him as well as you think.”

Kaz dragged himself out of bed, still rubbing his eyes, and entered the kitchen. “Morning,” he said, reaching Y/n and kissing her temple. He knew that his back, covered in scratches, was on full display, so there was no point in hiding it anymore.

“Unbelievable,” muttered Jesper under his breath. “How can you be so calm about admitting to cheating on your girlfriend? I shouldn't be seeing any of this.”

“Then stop entering my house uninvited,” replied Kaz, annoyed, while Y/n placed two plates in front of them. “Thanks, love.”

Jesper was too distracted by breakfast to notice the affectionate name, luckily.

Y/n started taking her pills, and Jesper looked at her puzzled. “Don't ask,” said Kaz, poking her side and making her pill fall.

“Kaz! That was my birth control, you idiot!” she protested, and he paled visibly. “Yeah, you better get down and look for it.”

Quickly, Kaz got on the floor, and Jesper almost choked on his bite.

“You have about an hour, baby, look faster,” she said, a bit amused.

“Seriously, Kaz? Not even protection? I mean,” Jesper turned to Y/n, “you should be an expert on this.”

“I am, but you should hear how he begs,” she said, eyeing Kaz with a playful smirk.

“Y/n, oversharing,” reminded Kaz from the floor, slightly panicking.

Jesper shook his head, barely able to suppress his laughter. “This is a new low, even for you, Kaz.”

“Just... help me look for the damn pill,” Kaz grumbled, his face burning with embarrassment.

Y/n leaned against the counter, watching them with amusement. “I guess this is a bonding moment for you two,” she teased.

“Hardly,” Kaz muttered, finally spotting the pill under the table and reaching for it. He stood up, holding it triumphantly. “Got it.”

Y/n took it from him and swallowed it quickly. “Thank you,” she said, patting his cheek.

Kaz rolled his eyes, sitting back down at the table. “Let's just eat.”

Jesper was really conflicted about all the unraveling of events, more than anything about the revelation that the two were actually sleeping together and were really chill about it.

Y/n left, leaving the two friends alone. Jesper hit Kaz hard in the arm. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were sleeping with her?”

Kaz massaged his arm, feeling the sting of the unexpected blow. “Because I have a girlfriend, theoretically?”

“In fact, as Inej’s friend, I’m absolutely furious with you, but as your friend, it was fucking time, man! You have to tell me everything.”

Kaz chuckled nervously, his mind racing. Inej. The thought of her brought a pang of guilt. “I really do not have to tell you anything,” he said, trying to keep his tone light but failing to mask his discomfort.

“Come on, I need details,” Jesper pressed, leaning forward with eager anticipation.

Kaz sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything? How did it happen? Was it awkward? Did you—”

“Jesper!” Kaz interrupted, feeling the heat rise in his face. “Do you really need to know all the details?”

Jesper smirked. “Of course I do. You know this is a big deal, right? Your first time isn’t something to gloss over.”

Kaz sighed, resigning himself to the conversation. “Fine. It was... intense. She made me feel comfortable, and it just happened naturally. When our arrangement was still standing, things were heating up really fast, so it just felt right.”

Jesper leaned in closer, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. “How do I have to spell it? Details!”

Kaz rolled his eyes, feeling the heat rise in his face again. “I’m not giving you details! I’m just going to say that I understand why she made a career out of it.”

Jesper's eyes widened even more. “Wow, she must be really good, huh?”

Kaz rubbed the back of his neck, feeling awkward. “Yes, Jesper, she’s very... talented. Can we move on now?”

“Talented?” Jesper teased, nudging Kaz with his elbow. “Come on, you’ve got to give me something. How did it start? When did things change?”

Kaz sighed again, trying to find the right words. “The night I went to her house, telling her that I wanted her. She stopped me and told me to go back to Inej but said that if I ever came back to her like that in the middle of the night, she wouldn't stop me anymore. And after my fight with Inej, I went straight to her, and well, she didn’t.”

Jesper whistled low. “Damn, Kaz. That’s... intense. So you just went for it?”

Kaz nodded, remembering the raw emotion of that night. “Yeah, I did. It felt like everything I’d been holding back just came out all at once.”

Jesper leaned back, still processing everything. “And how do you feel about it now? About her?”

Kaz looked down, contemplating his feelings. “It’s complicated, Jesper. I care about Inej, but Y/n... she’s different. She makes me feel things I didn’t know I could feel. But she doesn’t want a serious thing, and I can’t manage to man up enough to break up with Inej.”

Jesper raised an eyebrow, surprised at Kaz’s vulnerability. “So you’re stuck in the middle, huh? That’s rough.”

“Yeah,” Kaz admitted, frustration creeping into his voice. “Inej deserves better than this, but I can’t let go of Y/n. She’s like a drug I can’t quit.”

Jesper nodded thoughtfully. “Have you talked to Y/n about what you want?”

Kaz shook his head. “She’s made it clear she’s not interested in anything serious. And honestly, I don’t know if I am either. It’s just... easier this way, even if it’s wrong.”

Jesper sighed, rubbing his temples. “Kaz, you’ve got to figure this out. You can’t keep stringing both of them along. It’s not fair to anyone, especially you.”

“I know,” Kaz said quietly. “But every time I try to make a decision, I freeze. It’s like I’m paralyzed.”

Jesper leaned forward, looking his friend in the eye. “You just need to decide what you really want and go for it.”

Kaz gave a small smile. “Easier said than done.”

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x you #six of crows #six of crows fanfic #soc #kaz brekker fluff #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker x female reader

68 notes · View notes

sopebubbles · 1 year ago

Text

Master List

Seven

Synopsis: in a world where alphas, betas, and omegas live along side modern humans as second class citizens, you've fallen through the cracks of a society that wants to take everything wonderful from you. Luckily a timely encounter with the boys just might save your life.

Chapter summary: Hoseok goes into heat and everyone else struggles. I'm honestly not gonna give more away than that.

Warnings: talk of mpreg (thats just gonna come up a lot in this story), like one mention of a penis, we are mostly glossing over hobis heat tbh bc i dont feel like doing smut in this chapter, do alphas have a breeding kink? Or is that just their nature? 🤔 mentions of past abuse, homelessness

WC: 6.7k

If Yoongi had known ahead of time that Hoseok was going into heat, then of course he would not have offered to take someone's eight hour shift in addition to his own. Sometimes the needs to provide and protect really opposed each other. Fucking capitalism. He already hated the idea of it because sixteen hours was way too many to be away from you, especially when sitting across the room from you was a struggle. Yoongi wanted to be next to you, against you, touching your skin. Not in a sexual way. He figured that wasn't a possibility, and maybe wouldn't be for a very long time. That was fine. He had six lovers—well, five if you consider the fact that Yoongi and Namjoon loved each other very much but could never quite work their way around sex with one another. He didn't need that from you. He just needed you. He needed you to need him in a way he had always wanted to be needed, so he figured a little overtime when the opportunity arose would be a good thing to ensure he could provide for you.

Yoongi hadn't grown up with a pack or an alpha. His mother, a beta, claimed his father was an alpha who died before he was born, but Yoongi always thought it was more likely he just left them. He couldn't really blame the guy. Alpha was a big job to fill, at least if you did it right. Not everyone was cut out for it just because they were born an alpha. When he was fourteen, Yoongi's mom joined a pack with a new alpha, and although Yoongi never fully felt part of that pack, he did have a great deal of respect for the pack alpha who took them in and demonstrated what it meant to protect and provide.

After Yoongi had presented as an alpha, he dreamed of being the leader of his own pack, but his attempts to build a pack in his early twenties failed. He quickly learned that a pack wasn't made out of sheer force of will. You needed the right personalities and to work with each other. No amount of leadership could make love where there was none, and Yoongi wanted a pack that was bound by more than just convenience. When he met Jungkook, he found that a pack like that already existed, and if Yoongi had to sacrifice being its leader to be a part of it, he decided he could live with that. He could still be a good alpha even if he wasn't at the top.

Part of being a good alpha meant helping with heats, so it was frustrating not being able to leave work to be there like Jin could. Namjoon and Yoongi were lucky to have rut leave, but most sap employers didn't understand the importance of being available for packmates, so they just had to do the best they could. At least Seokjin and Taehyung could always be there, and Jimin was allowed a few days leave by his shelter for Hoseok's heats. Jungkook, too, would have to do the best he could, but he usually called in at least a couple of sick days to help out.

Yoongi's plan was to check on you first and then check in with the pack before getting a shower to wash off the scents of other people. Most likely he would try to do that before he even approached Hoseok or the omega would go crazy. As soon as he opened the front door, he could tell that his heat was in full effect. Hobi's brown sugar was thick molasses and his moans could be heard easily from upstairs. There wasn't a packmate in sight, which probably meant he was in full all pups in the nest mode. He might not be able to sneak that shower after all. But he still had to check on you.

The door to the first floor bedroom you had occupied for the last five nights was closed. Could you be sleeping through this? Or were you hiding instead? He decided to knock, but received no response. Fear clutched in his stomach. Could the pack have neglected you so much in their efforts to care for Hoseok that you had passed out again? Yoongi turned the knob frantically to get into your room, only for his heart to drop through the floor. All of the soft, fluffy blankets that Hoseok had made into your nest were folded neatly in a stack on the bed. There wasn't a piece of trash or mislaid item in the room. It was empty, and Yoongi didn't need to look for you to know you were gone. He checked the bathroom anyway, just to confirm what he already knew. He dragged both hands through his hair as if he could clear the fog of panic. Where did you go? How long have you been gone?

Maybe protecting is more important than providing.

"Fuck," he muttered just before hearing Hoseok's cry of ecstacy ring through the house. He didn't emerge from the room until a few moments later when he heard clumsy footsteps hurry down the stairs. He could easily recognize that they came from Jimin, so he stepped into the hall.

"Hyung!" Jimin called excitedly. "You're finally home!" The beta walked to the kitchen and began to load his arms up with cold water bottles. "Hobi just took his first knot so you better hurry and get changed before he starts getting super possessive. What's wrong, hyung?"

Yoongi looked away when the younger man looked at his face. "I'll take a shower down here and meet you up there in a minute."

"What about Y/N?"

"She's gone," Yoongi said softly. What was left of Jimin's smile collapsed.

"What?"

"Her room is empty. She's gone," he repeated.

Jimin dumped the bottles in his arms onto the kitchen table and hurried toward the spare room. "No, she was here a couple hours ago." He pushed the door open to check the scene but he found what the alpha said to be true. "Where did she go?"

"I don't know."

"When?"

"I don't know, Jimin." Yoongi felt empty, but he didn't want to blame it on them. He was the one who should have been there watching over you. He was the one who fucked up.

"But Jin told her she could stay. She said she'd think about it," Jimin spoke just as softly as he did.

"I guess she decided not to."

Jimin turned to his alpha looking for answers. "What do we do?"

Yoongi sighed and tried to contain his grief. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to leave the house right now and dig up every instinct of his to hunt you down through this city and bring you back where you belonged. But that would be barbaric and archaic of him, and exactly the opposite of what you needed. You must have left for a reason. It didn't mean they couldn't find you and convince you to come back. You weren't dead. At least you weren't injured, or at least he hoped. But that wasn't the only problem right now. He still had an omega in heat, an omega who he knew—even though he was convinced no one could care as much as he did—would also be worried about you, and disappointed that you were gone.

"I'm going to shower. You go help with Hobi. Don't say anything."

"But–"

"We have to wait for the right time. When he's a little clear headed," Yoongi reasoned.

Jimin nodded sadly, gathering the water bottles into his arms again. "Okay. Don't take too long." Yoongi pursed his lips and nodded. "Hyung, I'm sorry. I really wanted her to stay, too. I wish–"

"Let's discuss it later, Jimin," Yoongi cut him off and gestured toward the stairs for the beta to go. If Jimin got him talking about how much he wanted her there, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from leaving to find you. And as much as he wanted you, this was his pack right now, and he owed it to Hobi to be around. So he went to the shower you had spent yesterday afternoon cleaning and turned on the cold water. He tried his best to push his thoughts of you out of his mind and meditate his scent into something that wasn't too sad as he scrubbed himself clean. He couldn't think about where you might be right now. Where would you even go? Back to that awful shelter? Why couldn't you just stay? Was it something he'd done, or one of the other guys? Were there just too many of them? He could have taken you away, somewhere for just the two of you. No, he'd have to take Jimin, too. Fuck. He shook his head to rid himself of the thought. He needed to think about his pack, not the omega who wasn't his. He let the cold water run steadily over his face for a long time, emptying his head of any thoughts except the feeling of the cold stream. Finally, he shut the water off and shook the water from his hair before he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist.

His hair was still dripping when he arrived at the landing outside the pack's nest room. Through the open door, Yoongi could see Hoseok lying on Namjoon's expansive chest while Jungkook wiped his neck and shoulders with a damp cloth. By the looks of it, Jin's knot had only just deflated, but he still laid behind his lover, talking in a whisper with Jimin while the beta fed him grapes.

Jin looked at Yoongi as he stepped carefully over a squeaky floorboard and into the room. He took in his naked chest and the towel slung low across his hips as the alpha came to the edge of the nest. Yoongi's eyes roamed over the pack omega as if asking a question.

"He just fell asleep," Namjoon answered, stroking his fingers through Hoseok's dark brown hair.

"Did you shower downstairs?" Jin asked. Yoongi nodded. "Was that a good idea?" The pack alpha asked and it almost sounded like a warning.

Yoongi looked at him sharply. "It wasn't a problem." He sat at the edge of the bed and Hoseok began to stir, clearly not deep in sleep.

"Yoongi?" The omega called softly.

Yoongi crawled up to lay himself over Hoseok's lower half, resting his chin on the man's hip. "I'm right here, my love."

"You're home," he mumbled and Yoongi hummed in response. "Bring little pup here. Need everyone in the nest."

Yoongi caressed the skin of Hoseok's side. "I would if I could, my love. But you know that I can't." Hoseok pouted. "She's not our omega. You are."

"Want her to be my omega," Hoseok moaned.

"I know, Hobi. Me, too."

Hoseok turned onto his back and pulled at Yoongi's shoulders to get him closer. "Alpha," he crooned. "Need your knot alpha." Hoseok pushed aside the towel from his hips to reach for his cock.

Yoongi kissed his lips softly. "I know you do, baby. But you know the rules. You can only have Jinnie's knot so you can have his pup," he reminded, brushing hair away from Hoseok's eyes. He looked over at the other alpha, who stared back with dark, intent eyes.

"You can fuck our sweet omega, Yoongi. You just have to use a condom," Jin said.

Yoongi suppressed a sigh. He'd always hated this rule of Jin's ever since it had started a year ago. Sure, they could fuck normally outside of Hobi's heat, but in order to ensure when he got pregnant, the baby would be Jin's, the others always had to use protection.

"I will, if that's what my Hobi wants," Yoongi agreed with a soft kiss to his scent gland. It wasn't that he was unwilling. He would still get to feel Hoseok. He would still cum. But his instincts knew that he wouldn't be able to breed his omega, and it left him feeling deeply unsatisfied every time.

Hoseok moaned, "Need to feel you alpha." So Yoongi took the condom that Jungkook offered.

Seokjin and Yoongi had grown up just as differently as you and Hoseok. Even if Yoongi's situation had never been as grim as yours, he knew what it was like to go without and to feel like an outsider. It was hard to make friends with other Lykos sometimes when the other kids had strict packs or so many siblings they didn't need other playmates. It certainly wasn't any easier to make friends with Saps, who would always treat him as a little different. And constantly moving as his mother did her best to keep them afloat in a world definitely not designed for single mothers never helped to maintain whatever friendships he did happen to make. Finding the pack and living with them for five years was the most stability he had ever known.

Seokjin’s life had been the definition of stability. He was born in the house where three previous generations of his family had lived. People wanted to be associated with him wherever he went—sure it was because of his connections to the most powerful Lykos in the country, but at least he never felt unwanted. His older brothers and sisters had been his playmates, at least until they all presented, and as the youngest he was always doted on. And then there was Hoseok, who had clung to Seokjin first and soon found he would never get away, not that he wanted to.

Jin's family had a long lineage full of stereotypical alphas. Not in brute force like in the days before integration with Saps where physical power was power. But they had learned in the early years to cultivate political power in the public sphere. Nearly every alpha in his family had a position in government, elected or otherwise. Seokjin had only narrowly escaped that career path because he had so many older alpha siblings, and because he managed to convince his mother that having a member of the family who wasn't involved in politics would make their image as a collective a little less power hungry. Deep down he didn't have the ambition. At 20, he already knew that he wanted to do enough to have a happy and comfortable life with the man he loved, and to not have to make the kind of sacrifices other members of his family had to make for power.

At home, the alphas of his pack had been the kind to demand respect and to dole out punishment when it wasn't immediately given. Seokjin had never wanted to be that kind of alpha, one who needed to be obeyed, or who purposely filled his pack with omegas and betas so that he would be on top. Unlike Yoongi, he hadn't aspired to be a pack alpha, only to be Hoseok's alpha. It just so happened that he met several other alphas that they both came to love—and if having more alphas for Hoseok took some of the burden off of him, then that was a bonus.

Jin had never shown such toxic alpha traits until a year ago, and since everyone had tiptoed around the subtle and not-so-subtle changes in his personality, no one knew what had changed. It had been a meeting with his mother, which had taken place at his office so none of the pack knew. It wasn't that his birth pack disapproved of his pack exactly. It was just that none of them could do anything to support the power of the family, so his mother in particular didn't see any reason to be involved with them very often. Only Jin and his husband were ever invited to public events, and for the most part everyone was perfectly happy with the situation. There was only so much limelight to go around and most of his siblings had no problems soaking it up.

That didn't mean his mother was disinterested in his future though. She was especially interested in him having pups. He and Hoseok had been married for nearly a decade now, without a single baby.

"We've just been waiting for things to get settled. It will happen when the time is right," he insisted once again. This conversation occurred at least twice a year.

"Well, settle them. You're the alpha. It's your job to decide when and how things happen for your pack, Seokjin."

"It's not that simple–"

His mother threw her hands in the air. When would her son learn to take some initiative? "Of course it is! You haven't added anyone to your pack in several years. I'd say things are quite settled. You need to have a child. You're not getting any younger, and neither is Hoseok. You have a bloodline to continue."

"Mom," he groaned. "You have half a dozen grandchildren already. Why do you need to pressure me?"

"It's not about quantity. Don't you want to be a father?"

"Of course I do." It was true. He'd always wanted a child with Hobi. That was never in question.

"Listen, Jinnie. Maybe it's time you consider adding another omega to your pack. A female omega might have an easier time conceiving and fewer risks–"

Seokjin pinched the bridge of his nose as he interrupted her. "I don't want another omega, mom! Hoseok is all I want or need."

"I know several lovely young ladies who might be a good fit for you! It doesn't have to be a love match."

"Mom!"

"You have too many alphas anyway. You need to even things out a little. If you brought in another omega it might put the other alphas at ease. Especially Yoongi. He might challenge you less if he had someone else to focus on."

"Mother! Yoongi and I are fine. We don't need someone else."

"Yoongi has the potential to be a pack alpha and I know you know that. He will take it from you if given the chance. You have to do something to assert your dominance in this pack. You need to have a child, and you need to be sure that it's yours."

You left the house so early the public library wasn't even open yet when you arrived. You nodded in acknowledgement at another regular before sitting on the concrete wall out front to wait. The sun was still rising, and the spring air felt cool and damp with dew. Your stomach rumbled. You should have eaten before you left the house.

Don't you think you've taken enough advantage of their kindness?

Yes.

Alpha would be mad if he knew I didn't eat.

He's not your alpha.

The opening of the library's front entrance took you mercifully out of your thoughts. A librarian stepped outside and held the door open, greeting the patrons who had gathered outside like you with a smile as you got to your feet. She was a Sap, but a kind woman you had spoken to on a few occasions. She always treated you and the other Lykos who came into the library with kindness.

"How are you today, Y/N?" The woman, Maria, asked as you approached the open door.

"I'm alright," you smiled politely. "It's still early."

She laughed softly. "Haven't seen you in a bit. Everything okay?" She closed the door after you entered and you waited for her to walk around to her desk before you answered.

"Just been busy. Can I get a guest pass for the computer?"

She typed something on her keyboard before looking at you again. "Did you lose your card?" You nodded in response. "We can get you a new one. I just need to see your ID."

You shook your head and she looked at you curiously. "I have my ID…but I don't live at that address anymore, and I know it's supposed to be current so…I'll wait until I find a new place and get one then." You fidgeted uneasily as you explained, your eyes downcast, so you didn't see her frown and her sympathetic eyes.

"I'm sorry to hear that." She clicked a few things on her computer and handed you a small ticket. "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

You took the paper and shook your head. "I'll just be looking for jobs. It might take me a while…" you said apologetically.

"Take your time," she smiled encouragingly, and you turned away to find the computer at the back that you preferred.

It was always nicest to be here right when they opened, when it was still quiet. In a couple of hours story time would start and mothers would come in with their children, pulling them close to their sides and away from the homeless Lykos that often spent their time there. For now it was just you and a few others you recognized but had never spoken to. Even before you lost your home, you had been coming here frequently, since you couldn't afford your own internet. You'd come here the second day you arrived in the city and did pretty much exactly what you were doing now. Sometimes it was easier to start over than to try to hold onto what little gains you made.

You entered the code Maria had given you to log onto the computer and opened up the web browser, pulling up a job site you were familiar with. You didn't have any particular job you were searching for. Beggars can't be choosers after all. Instead of searching for job titles, you went straight to the filters, and your palms began to sweat.

Education level required:

You didn't even graduate high school, stupid omega. What job are you even qualified for?

Shut up! That's not my fault!

You chose "not specified" from the dropdown menu and moved on.

Benefits:

Heat/rut leave required: yes no

The cursor hovered over the yes box. You'd never checked it before. Never looked at what kind of jobs might be able to offer you that. Probably not anything you were qualified for. But you clicked it, just to see.

Your search delivered no results. Try adjusting your filters.

You don't need heat leave anyway. Just take your pills like you're supposed to.

But they make me so sick.

That's a small price to pay to not be bred like a Bitch.

…yeah

You clicked the 'x' next to the filtered option and searched again. This time the website populated a list of jobs for you to sort through. Most of them were ones you had seen before. Some of them were ones you had had before. Working in a store was hard because of all the scents. Scent blockers only took you so far. Restaurants and bars were similarly challenging and the hectic environment could be overstimulating. Delivery driver, but you didn't have a car. And to make matters worse, none of these jobs alone would pay enough for you to live by yourself, even the way you were living before.

Should have stayed with alpha. Then I wouldn't have to work.

You think house work isn't working? And what's your compensation? Getting beaten for every mistake, because you always fuck it up and tossed out when they're done with you.

Yoongi wouldn't do that. He was nice.

For now. And what about the others? Jin didn't seem to want you there at all.

He asked!

Only because Hoseok wanted him to and what about when he has a baby? Do you think they'd still want you? Or worse if he can't have a baby then they'll make you do it! You think their kindness comes for free? Nothing is ever free! Remember last time? You thought that pack was kind too. How long did that last before they showed you exactly what you're good for?

Stop it!

"Stop!" You hissed. "Just shut up!"

Everything around you felt suddenly still. You looked up to find several pairs of eyes on you, including Maria's. She walked toward you, and you wanted nothing more than to hide.

"Is everything okay, dear?" She asked softly as she stood by your computer station.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine," you assured her just as quietly, but her eyes told you she didn't buy it. "I have to go." You quickly picked up your bag from the floor beside you and rushed for the exit.

You'd already been over this multiple times since you overheard Jin and Hoseok's conversation yesterday, so why wouldn't the thoughts just stop? You made a decision and it was too late to go back on it so why were they still going round and round? You hadn't heard the first part of their conversation, but you had already known that Hobi was going into heat. Hence you were trying to clean up and help before you were kicked out. You weren't expecting Jin's offer at all, but you assumed between Jimin and Yoongi, and maybe Hoseok too, that they had talked him into at least offering. But he and Hoseok were trying to have a baby, and that wasn't as straightforward a process for everyone as they wanted it to be. And if it didn't work out for Hobi…well you knew about alphas who failed to have pups and how they could treat omegas who were easy, vulnerable targets, like you. So of course you left. You weren't an idiot.

Part of you hoped it would work out for Hoseok though. You might not trust alphas, but he seemed to trust his and to be loved by them. So he deserved to have everything he wanted.

It was hours before you were able to get in to talk to anyone at the True Life shelter. Luckily it was a nice morning once the sun had fully risen, not exactly warm, but warm enough in the hoodie you had stolen from Yoongi. There was a nice park between the library and the shelter, and you spent a few hours there trying to enjoy the sunshine and clear your mind. There wasn't anything else you could do, so you might as well try to find some peace while it lasted.

"You know the rules. If you don't check in, the contents of your locker are forfeit," the woman at the desk reminded you after explaining that all your belongings that you left behind while you were in heat were now gone. "If you're lucky, some of it may still be in the store."

The only thing more insulting than having them take the last of your belongings was having to buy them back at the second hand store the same organization ran around the corner. You stifled your groan. At least Hoseok had washed all your clothes that you had with you. At least now you didn't have to carry all your worldly goods with you.

"You find a place to stay?" The woman asked, loudly smacking the gum that she perpetually chewed. You shook your head. "Got an open bed tonight if you need it."

"Thanks," you mumbled. There was something in the way she looked at you that always made you feel so small.

"You know the deal," she said as she placed a bottle of heat suppressants on the counter in front of you. You pulled your own bottle out of your purse and rattled it in front of her.

"I have plenty."

She quirked an eyebrow as if mentally doing the math and knew something wasn't adding up. "You taking them like you're supposed to?"

You tried to keep your expression neutral as her eyes didn't stray. After several long seconds, you twisted the cap off the bottle and shook one large pill into your hand, shoved it into your mouth and swallowed it dryly.

She looked at you a moment longer while your throat worked to get the vile medicine down. Then she grabbed a bottle of water from the counter behind her. "Well, don't choke on it," she snorted.

After taking a big drink to clear your throat you opened your mouth wide and stuck your tongue out at her. "Happy?"

"Delighted," she deadpanned. "Come back at six."

You nodded and walked out of the building. At least soon enough your stomach would hurt so much you wouldn't feel hungry anymore. There were silver linings all around.

Jimin hasn't been sleeping well. At least not at night. He's been napping with Hobi during the day between sessions, since he's the omega's favorite cuddle buddy at the moment. But whenever the whole pack went to sleep for the night, Jimin found himself lying awake, wondering where you were sleeping. It had been a few days by now, so had you gone back to True Life? Had you tried for somewhere better? He knew most of the shelters were always at capacity. He hoped you weren't sleeping outside. It was too cold for that still and you'd only end up getting sick.

Why didn't you just stay? Was it purely fear? Too many strangers, too many alphas? Or was it something about them, just one of them? Had he upset you so much the other night that you felt you couldn't stay. The afternoon he saw you with Hobi it seemed like you might be getting comfortable.

Jimin sighed and stared holes into the ceiling while his packmates slept. He rolled to his right, where an empty space had been left for Yoongi. Yoongi. Jimin had never seen the alpha quite like that. He knew how protective Yoongi could be, but nothing he'd ever seen compared to how Yoongi looked at you. Alphas don't really court betas in the way that they do omegas, but even when Yoongi and Jimin first started dating it hadn't been nearly as obvious how badly Yoongi wanted him. (He had wanted Jimin almost as badly, but maybe not quite so desperately).

But Jimin also knew everything was different with you. He had been the one to bring you to his alpha after all, and had thrown you into this strange situation. You were an omega for starters and that would always set off an alpha, although it hadn't seemed to affect the others quite as much. Maybe it was Yoongi's affinity for lost people. Maybe it was just the fact that you were so small and in need of protection. All alphas want to protect, but not all omegas need it in the way you do. Hoseok doesn't. But even Jimin felt the urge to cover you from the rest of the world. And he couldn't lie, he sort of loved how small you were, the fact that he was bigger than you. He hadn't gotten the chance and maybe he never would, but it didn't stop him from thinking about what it would be like to hold your small frame, be able to sniff the top of your head like Jungkook always does and feel for once like he could protect someone else.

Jimin was awake when he heard Yoongi come home and it lightened his mind fractionally, knowing that soon the alpha would be next to him, where he needed him. It's hard to mark the passage of time in the dead quiet of night, but Jimin was sure several minutes had passed since he heard any shuffling from downstairs. Carefully, he rolled to the edge of the nest and to his feet. He didn't want to stress Hobi if he woke to two packmates missing from the nest, but he also needed to see Yoongi. Jimin tiptoed over each creaky floorboard of the staircase down to the first floor. The alpha wasn't in the living room or the kitchen, which meant he could only be in one place. Jimin found the man laying on the bed in the spare room, sobbing gently into a comforter that had been part of your nest.

"Yoongi hyung," Jimin breathed as he laid on the bed behind him, pressing himself against the lines of his body. "What are you doing in here hyung? Hm?"

Yoongi took a deep breath and tried to quiet the sobs. If anyone but Jimin had found him like this he would have been humiliated, but nothing ever felt embarrassing with him. "I can't stop looking for her everywhere, Jiminie," he spoke through his tears. "I keep fearing I'll show up at a call, and she'll be the one who's hurt. And I feel relieved and sad all over again every time it isn't her. I just want to know that she's safe."

Jimin wrapped his arm around his chest and squeezed Yoongi closer to him. He laid soft kisses against his neck, but the alpha still struggled to calm himself.

"Earlier tonight we got called to this accident. A girl was hit by a car and she was face down in the road. There was blood everywhere. And for a minute I really thought it was Y/N. But she was a sap girl. Y/N is so small, like a little girl, how is she going to be okay on her own. She needs-" Yoongi broke off in another sob. He hated to be this wrecked, but if he wasn't sad he would have to be angry, and he hated to be angry. He didn't want to be the kind of alpha who acted like everything had to be his way and get upset if it wasn't. That was never Yoongi. He wasn't trying to be petulant. He just couldn't help his grieving. "I don't know what it is, Jimin," he admitted. "I don't know why I'm so attached to her. But I just feel it in my chest. I can't just let her go. I'm sorry."

Jimin laid his head on top of his alpha's and spoke softly next to his ear. "You don't need to apologize, hyung. Not to me or anyone else. Whatever you're going through, I don't think it can be understood rationally. It's just a feeling, and that's something you should listen to. Your instincts are always right."

"Thanks, Jimin," Yoongi sighed, finally calmed from his sobs.

"You're a great alpha. She'd be lucky to have you, like I am." Yoongi found Jimin's hand and laced their fingers, appreciating his words.

"What's going on? Where's Y/N?" Hoseok asked, flipping the light switch and suddenly blinding them. Yoongi sat up, rubbing his puffy eyes against the brightness.

"She's gone, Hobi," he answered hollowly.

"Gone? Gone where?" Hoseok hadn't been out of the nest room for nearly three days. The alphas had been keeping him distracted, keeping him in bed and satisfied and well-fed so he'd never have to leave. Now he looked around the room for any trace of you.

"We don't know," Jimin admitted. He rubbed his hand soothingly up and down Yoongi's back.

Hoseok stared at the two of them, dumbfounded. "When did she leave?"

"A few days ago? I'm not sure exactly when she left but she was gone by the time I got home from work on Wednesday."

Hoseok huffed. How long had they kept it from him? "And today is?"

"Saturday."

"Saturday! Were you planning to tell me?" Hoseok asked.

"I didn't want to spoil your heat. I figured if you were upset you might not be as interested in sex and then Jin…" Yoongi tried to explain.

"Jin what?"

"Nothing. He's just been very touchy about your last few heats, and I didn't want to make him more upset." Yoongi rubbed his hands across his red face.

Hobi swallowed. He knew Yoongi was right but that didn't mean he shouldn't have been told. You'd been on his mind even if he knew you couldn't be in his nest. "Jin's just been stressed," he defended, but neither of the others responded. "Were you planning to sleep in here?"

Yoongi shook his head. "I was planning to shower and then come to bed but I…I just had a rough night at work and I needed a minute."

Hoseok sank onto the bed on his other side, where Yoongi had the comforter pulled partially over his lap. He pushed the alpha's bangs back to look at his red eyes. "Have you been crying?"

Yoongi pulled his face away to hide in his hands. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, throat thick with shame.

"Baby, you don't need to apologize. I was just surprised. I've never seen you cry before. Not in six years."

"You aren't supposed to see me cry."

Hoseok scoffed. "That better not be some toxic alpha bullshit, Yoongi." The man reddened further at the admonishment. "You wanted her to be your omega. It makes sense you would be upset. You really felt something for her."

"You're my omega," Yoongi responded.

Hoseok shook his head. "I know that. Doesn't change anything." He ran his fingers into the alpha's hair and pulled his head to rest on his shoulder. "I wanted her to be my omega, too."

Jimin leaned into Yoongi's back. "I can't speak for anyone else, but I wanted her as an omega, too."

Hobi hummed with a thought. "The three of you would've made a cute little pack."

Jimin tilted his head up on Yoongi's shoulder to look at him. "Emphasis on the little."

Jimin pulled away, taking his alpha with him. "You know how to ruin a moment."

"Sorry," Hoseok chuckled. "Will you two please come upstairs? Can't sleep without all my pups in the nest."

You managed to get over your embarrassment to go back to the library a few days later, but finding a job still wasn't any easier. You were tired of losing a job as soon as they found out what you were and just as tired of pretending to be something you weren't. Not that you were ready to embrace your omega, either. But trying to pass for a sap was getting exhausting. You were too small for a Sapien adult. If you could choose you'd rather just give up altogether, but the last time you'd made that choice you'd been lured by comfort into the hands of two bad alphas. So you'd have to keep trying. And you knew there was one person who could help you.

There were two youth shelters in the city, and on Monday when you went to one they told you no one named Jimin worked there. You felt so foolish that you didn't bother trying the other one, but on Tuesday morning you plucked up your courage and walked to the Open Door shelter. When you walked in, there was an omega female at the desk who gave you a kind but instantly regretful smile.

"I'm sorry, hun. All our omega dorms are full today," she informed you.

You stepped forward to lean on the counter, casting a curious look around the place. Teenagers were milling about, coming and going freely, able to spend the days indoors rather than on the streets. Through one door you could hear the sounds of some people playing basketball.

"I'm not here for a bed. I'm looking for someone." You drummed your fingers against the vinyl countertop.

"Sorry, kid. I can't give out the names of people who are staying here."

"No. I'm looking for an employee. His name is Jimin."

Recognition flashed in her eyes. "What's your name, hun?"

"Y/N," you answered quietly.

"Let me go see if he's busy," she told you before she walked through a door behind the desk.

He's busy. At work, dumbass. You shouldn't be bothering him.

He said he could help. Maybe he'll take you home.

You don't have a home.

Alpha is home.

Don't be an idiot.

You moved over to a chair against the wall opposite the desk to wait, anxiously eyeing the door you came in through.

A/n: i am not sorry. However if you would like i scream at me or any of the characters, please feel free to do so in my inbox, comments or reblogs. Your feedback makes me feel alive. 💜 How are we feeling about Jin these days? What about our poor MC? What do you think will happen when she talks to Jimin?

Permanent taglist: @lilacdreams-00 @wholockian1 @babycoffeefire @theatren3rd @bri-mal @jikooksgirl19 @jaiuneamesolitaiire @marvelfamily3000 @borahae-reads @yoongiigolden @staerryminimini @valhallawhispers @m4gg13-g @i-have-no-life-charlie

Taglist: @ellesalazar @rinkud @osakis-gf @scuzmunkie @queen-in-the-shadows @toughbook @zariaskz @chansbaybygirl @cryingpages @coralmusicblaze @alex--awesome--22 @singukieee @welcometomyworld13 @juju-227592 @bangtanflirt @wittyreader @nyrovieeie @welcome418 @guinhosletters @lifeistooshorttowasteyourtime @moon-cupcakes @passionandsuga @zvrjkb @m0v3m3ntsblog @kykyxstandler @writingwithmai @moocow778 @ladyalicesbookstore @yoonseokerist @deejay08 @momoasenthusiasticreader @littlestarstinyseven @bittersweetbaylee @im-sinking-in-mud @iloverubberduckiez-blog @someshinesomedont @kungsoonie @neverthefirstchoice @kameko-ko @sehun096rainbow @fluffyspaceprincess

816 notes · View notes

the-californicationist · 1 year ago

Text

Guile & Guilt (Ch. 06)

Johnny texts you while he's deployed, but when he calls you one night, you are forced to face your consequences.

MDNI/18+

Link to AO3

OCTOBER, MONDAY MORNING, TWO WEEKS LATER

Your apartment was bathed in the cold gray light of a foggy morning, and you curled your duvet closer around you trying to stave off the dawn’s chill. You’d been awake for a while, which was very uncharacteristic of you. Usually more of a late riser, the only reason for your early bird behavior was Johnny MacTavish.

He was three hours ahead of you, and every morning, when the sun came up in the Urzikstani hillside, you were sent an image of Johnny’s hand, clutching whatever his breakfast was that day. Sometimes it was a tin cup of black coffee, other times you’d get a banana or a protein bar. But, it was always his giant hand and a sherbet orange sky. This morning, it was cloudy and dark, and his breakfast of choice was a slab of toast, smeared with butter and jam.

MoChroi: sunrise_sand.jpg

You: wow. quite the delicacy today. cant believe you found actual jam out there

Mo Chroi: bit suspicious. when the food gets better the missions get worse

You: uh oh

Mo Chroi: dinnae fash thief xx

Mo Chroi: writing today?

You: yep. and meeting with my prof

Mo Chroi: what ya got on then

Mo Chroi: give us a show bonnie

Mo Chroi: is it naughty?? lol

You: nope

You: rangers_tee.jpg

You sent a photo of your torso, cutting out your head, wearing his own tee shirt. His typing bubbles percolated along the bottom of the screen immediately. Then, an indignant response:

Mo Chroi: thief!! xx

You: youre the one who stole my hair tie

Mo Chroi: hairtie.jpg

Mo Chroi: needed a hostage

Mo Chroi: your bad habits are rubbin off. stole cap’s clothes out of the shower this morning

Mo Chroi: price_hat.jpg

You: you learn quick mo chroi

His typing bubbles appeared, and then they disappeared. You watched them pop up in the chat and then vanish three more times until finally all you got was silence. This was a common occurrence, so you tried not to overthink it. Over the past two weeks of texting with him, you knew he disappeared sometimes. He’d get a call to go into the field, or there would be some crisis. You wondered if his captain had discovered his prank.

The room was still cold, and you were reluctant to leave your cocoon of warmth, but you needed to write. You had promised yourself that you’d go into the office early today before your meeting with your major professor. After a deep sigh and some very challenging mental gymnastics, you stuck a leg out and onto the frigid concrete floor.

Your apartment was very modern. So modern, in fact, that it had been a challenge to make it feel homey. There was very little room inside for anything more than a queen bed, a short futon, and your desk. Your bathroom was sleek and full of brutalist, functional, concrete stylings, but the kitchen was barely big enough for a sink and a toaster oven. You had kept the futon for guests, not that you had many (any) visitors, but aside from the stacks of books in the corners of each room, your entire studio was practical to a fault.

But, it was enough for you and your rescue cat, Marlowe, so you didn’t complain.

On the wall opposite the front door, a huge plexiglass window overlooked the River Kelvin, conveniently situated right across from some student housing so you could access the bus. Not having a car went against your Floridian roots, but you’d fallen in love with the ease of public transportation.

After throwing on an oversized sweater and a pair of fleece-lined leggings, you slipped on your wellies and headed to the bus stop. You’d brought a big thermos of coffee, ready to face the day.

Your phone buzzed again.

Pidge: I’m so excited to see you this weekend!! :D

You: me too! is hammie picking me up after all or no

Pidge: Yes, I told him to be at the platform at 4.

You: cool

Pidge: Have you spoken with my brother?

You paused for a moment, riding the elevator and staring at your phone. You didn’t want to lie to her, but you probably shouldn’t tell her the truth. The truth was that you’d been texting her brother every day since he left for leave. You went with a half-truth instead:

You: yeah a few times why

She did not respond. You waited for the other shoe to drop like a blindfolded prisoner waits for their firing squad. The bus came to your stop, and you climbed on, sitting on the carpeted seat closest to the door, knowing your stop was only three away.

When you got to your office, your phone buzzed again. You set your bag and your coffee down before you even looked at it, avoiding touching your cell as if it had thorns.

You flipped over the screen.

Mo Chroi: make it to the office?

You: office.jpg

Mo Chroi: have a good day today thief

Mo Chroi: helicopter1.jpg

Mo Chroi: going on a wee trip. afk xx

You: promise xx

Mo Chroi: promise xx

Promise. Promise. It was you and Johnny’s little code. You hadn’t liked hearing about his “little trips” in the beginning, especially after he had shown you a photo of his truck, riddled with bullet holes. You used to say “good luck”, but you didn’t like that sound of that. You hoped luck had nothing to do with it. So, you just asked him to promise to text you back or to promise to be safe. And he always replied that he promised he would. Now, it had shortened to your one-word ritual. You always said it and he always said it back.

Another buzz:

Pidge: No reason. He has my phone charge the little nugget.

You: omg lol

You were not laughing out loud. If anything, you were sighing in relief.

It took most of the morning, but you fell into a routine. You had your meeting, came back, and wrote some more. Lunch was a pre-packaged lunch box from the student center and a refill on your coffee. You missed dinner. The sun set on you as you finished a critical section of your thesis, looking it over for flow and mistakes.

Worn out, and finally feeling hungry again, you checked your phone on your way back to the bus stop. No new messages. You waited for the bus, flipping through his photos again as if you would have forgotten them from when you looked at them from last night. Or the night before last.

You stopped looking at them, challenging yourself to have a non-Johnny thought in your head for once.

Maybe you would make a ramen with eggs in it tonight.

Maybe he’ll text you back.

You could watch another episode of that K-drama you liked.

Maybe he’ll send you a picture of him shirtless.

You could go for a run.

Maybe he will run his tongue back over your —

The bus came. You blocked out your thoughts from your mind, desperate to regain some semblance of control.

THURSDAY NIGHT

It had been three days, and you still hadn’t heard from him. You tried not to think about all of the terrible reasons why that might be the case. But, you did. You thought about them all the time. Every time you checked your phone or read an email or scrolled through your feeds; it was the only thing you thought about.

You had his shirt on again, eating leftover Chinese on your futon. You were thinking about all of the things you needed to take care of before tomorrow. It was Pidge’s bridal shower weekend and you were trying to wrangle all the final touches together. You’d rented out Ettrick’s, at Pidge’s request, and you had sent the invites two weeks ago. Almost everyone had RSVP’d yes, so you were looking at nearly 45 people to host. The custom bridal cookies were set for pick up when Hamish took you into town tomorrow afternoon, and the champagne was paid for. And you were dreading it.

You were excited to be there for Brigette. She had always been there for you. When you first moved to Scotland, you were well and truly alone. But, she met you for lunch almost every day after class, claiming to need her caffeine fix. But, as time went on, you realized she wanted to be friends. Having no one and being in a new country was so tough, but she had made it feel so easy. So, even though you hated the prim and proper social situation of a shower, you resolved to tough it out.

You put the half-eaten Chinese back in the fridge and climbed into bed. Your phone buzzed as you went to put it on the charger.

Mo Chroi: you up?

Your heart stopped for a moment, making your breath hitch in your chest. You fumbled with your phone, rushing to open his message.

Mo Chroi: camels.jpg

You: omg! are those REAL

You: shes not a camel but ill trade you one critter pic for a Marlowe pic

You: marlowethecat.jpg

Mo Chroi: her cheeks are brilliant lol so big

You: so your mission went okay?

Mo Chroi: lol yeah. and we got the guy who owned the camels to take a cool pic of us. can you tell which one’s me?

Mo Chroi: group_pic.jpg

You: gotta be number 3

Mo Chroi: how’d you know

You: your wide shoulders. and you always stand like that

Mo Chroi: like my shoulders do you

You: yep

You: you should send me a selfie

There was a long pause. You were a little afraid that you’d overstepped a boundary. Sure, his long, hungry tongue had been buried between your legs three weeks ago, eating you like he was starving, but people were cagey about their online privacy. You backtracked:

You: if you want to. nbd if not

Mo Chroi: selfie.jpg

You checked the image, and your heart sank like a stone. Johnny wore a green and yellow bruise over his eye, and his head had been shaved.

You: you okay? bruise looks nasty

Mo Chroi: you should see the other lad

You: and they shaved you?

Mo Chroi: got a nasty wee cut on the back of my head and doc sheared me like a damn sheep

He sent you a series of frowny faces and sheep emojis, and you felt a wave of calm settle in your chest. The latent fear was still there, and would be until you saw him again, but it was good to know he was alright.

FRIDAY MORNING

You were back on the bus, toting around your overnight bag, planning on heading to the train straight after your colloquium lecture this afternoon. Your phone had been beeping at you all morning. Johnny was begging for you to record your talk, asking you to let him sit in on your “class”.

You: johnny its not a class! its just a lecture. we have to give them every now and then to show what we’ve been doing with our research. its not fun. you’d be bored.

Mo Chroi: meirleach! i dinnae care how fun it is. let me see!!

You: campus.jpg

You: look. its all stuffy and campusy. you wouldnt like it

Mo Chroi: youre breaking my heart lass xx

You smiled. He was so bright, and he made you feel like you were so very special. It was no wonder he was such a danger to single women everywhere. Your confidence was soaring.

When you made it to your office, you sent him another picture of your current work. You were writing a short paper on German poems, not really related to your thesis, for a conference coming up in the spring.

You: look. you dont even speak german! it would be like torture

You: german_poem.jpg

Mo Chroi: so cool. im beggin you. let me watch you. i won’t say a word.

You: maybe if you come back a little early from leave next time, you can sneak into one

Mo Chroi: if i survive this training, i will.

Mo Chroi: thinking about seeing you up there teaching. got me all turned on

You sent him an emoji with a shocked look on its face, feigning coy shyness. He was relentless.

Mo Chroi: think youd let me be teachers pet?

You: more like class clown

Mo Chroi: you did seem fond of all of my tricks. wanna see what else i can do?

You: lecture_hall.jpg

You: i have to prep for this talk. keep your naughty thoughts to yourself soldier

Mo Chroi: yes maam

Mo Chroi: wait!

You: what

Mo Chroi: before you go. what color knickers are you in

Mo Chroi: just trying to imagine your lecture

Mo Chroi: with accuracy

Mo Chroi: cmon lass. for extra credit

You smiled down at your phone again, knowing your answer was going to win this little back and forth game he was playing.

You: im not wearing any this morning. gonna do my washing at your place.

Mo Chroi: jesus mary and joseph

You: and all the saints?

Mo Chroi: every one of them xx

Your lecture went off without a hitch. You earned yourself a few crowd questions and a round of polite applause. Stopping back by your office on the way out, you grabbed your laptop and headed for the bus stop. You’d forgotten your phone was on silent, and it wasn’t until you made it to the train station that you realized it. Two missed calls from Pidge and three texts from her brother.

You checked the texts as you returned her call, unable to hold yourself back from seeing what he wrote to you.

She answered quickly,

“Hey! Are you on your way?”

“Yep,” you replied, “I’ll be there around three forty-five, I think.”

“Okay, perfect. I just wanted to tell you that we’re adding two more to the list. Anjali invited Steph and Tiff. Is that alright, babes?”

You tried not to groan directly into the mouthpiece,

“Yes! The more the merrier.”

What were you going to do about the seating chart? You’d figure it out later.

“Fantastic! You’re amazing, hen. You know that?”

“Anything for you, bestie.”

She kissed you over the phone and hung up. You let out that sigh you’d been holding. As much as you loved her, you were ready for your friend’s wedding to be over with..

You checked the messages from Johnny, looking to escape from your thoughts again. He was the perfect distraction.

Mo Chroi: oh fuck no

Mo Chroi: its dog day for training

Mo Chroi: army_dog.jpg

You: you dont like dogs?

Mo Chroi: not these

Mo Chroi: had a bad time with attack dogs in russia a few tours back

The train arrived and you got settled. You weren’t sure how to respond. It was back again, that funny feeling in your chest about him being in constant danger. You didn’t know how to handle it. It wasn’t like you could ask him to stop. That was his job, and he was one of the best. He’d been enlisted on this elite task force, and even though you barely understood what that meant, you knew it was special. What right did you have to stand in the way of his greatness? The world needed Sergeant Johnny MacTavish, and you were just a distraction.

You waited for him to text again, a distraction for you and you for him. A two-way street. That’s all it was, right? How could it be anything more?

You thought about his sister. She’d been so painfully clear about her boundaries. You imagined telling her you liked him, telling her you wanted to date him. She’d explode. There’d be Scottish yelling, and Scottish fighting, and Scottish siblings rowing at each other all over the house. You couldn’t do that to her, especially not now. So, you just went back to distracting him.

You: did you get bitten?

Mo Chroi: yeah, right on the belly. those bastards. can you see it

Mo Chroi: shirtless.jpg

You gasped audibly, hoping no one had heard you on the train. You’d already seen him naked, but having a picture of his bare, muscled torso on your phone was another thing entirely. You glanced around, checking behind you and clutching your screen to your chest, holding it to you shamefully, praying no one saw it.

You typed a message, then deleted it. You tried again, and then deleted it. You knew he could see your text bubbles popping up, and it embarrassed you to no end. Eventually, you decided to just be honest.

You: youre so damn hot

The wait was going to kill you. Seconds became minutes, which became hours, which became eons. You stared at the bottom of your message like it would disappear if you looked away. You opened the picture of his bare torso again, unable to stop yourself from indulging in his huge body. You knew how those muscles felt, and you wanted to feel them again.

He didn’t respond. Your heart sank like a rock. You felt the train screech to a halt at the station, and it took everything in you to pocket your phone and leave the car.

You marched down to meet Hamish, trying to control the look on your face.

“Hey! Over here!” he called to you from the carpark.

You saw his smiling face and tried to match his energy,

“Hey! Thanks for coming.”

“You bet,” he said as he took your bags.

“Can we stop by the bakery around the corner? They’ve got all the cookies and pastries we ordered for tomorrow.”

“Of course, lass. No problem. Hop in.”

Hamish drove you around, the perfect gentleman, carrying box after box of dessert for his fiance’s shower, storing them carefully in the boot of the car.

“Wow, these smell incredible, don’t they,” he crooned, “Wish I could crash your wee party.”

“No boys allowed,” you said wryly, smiling at him, eliciting a genuine laugh.

The rest of the drive passed in companionable silence. He talked a little about his research, and you shared a bit about yours, mentioning your latest lecture. Otherwise, you checked your phone constantly.

Then, just as you pulled into the driveway of the MacTavish house, you got a text.

Unknown: Hello this is Captain John Price. Sergeant MacTavish’s phone is dead, and he is making me text you the word: promise.

You: oh thank you. can you tell him promise back?

Captain: Roger

Your stomach twisted for a different reason now. He wasn’t upset with you, which was a relief, but he had just shipped out on another mission. It was so sudden, it seemed like an emergency. You saved the captain’s number in your phone, just in case.

After hugging Pidge and helping Hamish with the boxes, you unpacked your bags and started the laundry. You met Pidge in the living room, watching her put the finishing touches on some gift bags.

“These are cute,” you commented, feeling the soft ripple of the ribbons tied around the bags in your fingers.

“Thanks,” she said as she fixed one of the bows, “Hope I made enough.”

“They’ll live,” you smiled.

“Hey, did you hear from Johnny again?”

“Uh…no, why?” You panicked.

“He said he doesn’t have my charger but now that muppet is not answerin’ me. Gonna pop him when he’s down for Christmas, I swear.”

“He’s coming back for the holidays?” You asked, a little too enthusiastically.

Pidge cut her eyes up at you briefly, responding in a measured voice,

“Yeah, just a week. Why?”

You wracked your brain for a reason, pretending to look at the calendar on your phone. Finally, you said,

“Think he’d drive me up from Glasgow? The train is awful at Christmas.”

“Oh,” she sighed, “God, he’s so irresponsible, babes. Not sure I trust him to get you here on time. But, I’ll threaten him. He’ll do it for me. He’s been so accommodating lately. Johnny boy is like a new man.”

“Oh, really?” You weren’t sure where this conversation was going, but you pried anyway.

“Did you know he paid for the rehearsal dinner? The whole damn thing! Having it at the wee distillery and everything. Right proper party we’ll be havin’. Cannae believe it.”

The Auchentoshan Distillery was Old Kilpatrick’s pride and joy. He’d spent a pretty penny if he’d booked it out for her.

“He loves you,” you confessed softly.

“He tries to,” she said a little bitterly.

You watched her pack up the bags, and you began to wonder about their relationship with each other. It was clear to you that there was some immovable object that was being pressed upon by some unstoppable force. They were at a quiet, bubbling impasse, ready to boil over at any moment. Yes, they loved each other. But, Johnny and Pidge had diverged somewhere, and it was a rift that needed to be mended.

The washer buzzed. You went to move over the clothes.

“I’m heading over to grab the girls. Wanna come?” Pidge asked you, her keys in hand.

“No room,” you observed, realizing they wouldn’t all fit in the car.

“Ugh, guess you’re right, hen. No worry, we’ll be right back. I’m excited to have a girls’ night.”

“Me, too,” you lied.

Well, it was a half-lie. You didn’t mind a girls’ night. It was more the fact that you’d have to hide your phone from view as you waited for Johnny to report he was back safe and sound.

After Pidge left, you crawled into his sheets. The memories of you and your soldier came flooding back again, but this time they swirled together with all of the complexities that you were facing. The simplicity of that brief night you shared had become warped by reality, and you realized you needed to come to terms with your emotions before you got hurt.

FRIDAY EVENING

Your phone buzzed in your hand, waking you. It was warm from being on the charger and covered up by your body. You hoped that didn’t break anything. Sleep had taken you over like a surging wave. You didn’t realize how exhausted you were from your week.

Unknown: heyyyyy this is soaps mate kyle. he wanted to let you know we’re back.

You: thanks for letting me know

Kyle: you bet

You were kicking yourself. You should have asked if he was okay. Just when you were about to ask Kyle to check on him, you heard the keys jingle in the door. Swinging your feet to the wooden floor, you got out of bed and met the gaggle of ladies in the foyer.

Cheek kisses, bright hellos and how-are-yous filled the once-quiet house, and you pocketed your phone, trying to distance yourself from the pang of concern.

You tried to keep up with the fast-paced conversation, but you weren’t the social butterfly that Pidge was. Anjali, Bekah, and Cherise were all gushing about their own lives, and you had very little to share. They were polite enough, asking you about your studies and pretending to care when you answered them.

“Oh, cool,” Cherise said, sipping on wine out of one of Pidge’s nicer glasses, “Poems are cool.”

“Yeah, I was Juliet in that one play,” Bekah said, proudly.

“And she’ll never let us forget it either,” Anjali rolled her eyes, and everyone laughed.

They were quick to forget you again, turning back to their recent Tinder date disasters and successes.

“And this bloke - the one with the beard thing - he ask me and this other girl to the same restaurant, on the same night! I thought she was gonna kill him right there in front of the maître de!” Anjali lamented.

Cherise smiled like a Cheshire cat,

“Lachlan is taking me on his boat next weekend.”

“We know! Shut up about the boat, you slag,” Bekah clipped.

Cherise shot back quickly,

“You’re just mad ‘cause Soap hasn’t texted you today.”

You gave the girls your full attention now. You darted your eyes to Pidge who rolled them, but looked otherwise unbothered. Bekah turned her phone around and you saw the image she was eager to display,

“He’s on bloody thin ice. I asked for a pic of him in his uniform, and all he sent me was a picture of some nasty sand!”

Your chest clenched tight enough that you couldnt breathe. It was your picture. Your morning photo from a few days ago. He was holding his breakfast, outstretched, and you could even see your hair tie on his wrist, the rolling dunes of the desert stretching out before him into infinity.

“Men, am I right?” Anjali finished her wine.

Maybe she was right.

SATURDAY MORNING

You’d slept beside Anjali that night, sharing the bed willingly but not enthusiastically. She had snored through most of it, and you’d barely gotten any sleep. It wasn’t just her snoring that kept you up. In fact, you were using her as a scapegoat. You had been thinking about Johnny.

It was like you were having a war in your mind. On one hand, it was just a picture of some sand, but on the other, you had no idea how many texts they had shared before or after that. Your heart broke easily, shattering melodramatically, whining about how you weren’t special and that if you didnt control yourself, you’d be sorry for it. He was just a playboy, just like everyone said.

Your brain, however, begged you to see reason. He sent her a picture of sand, not his naked torso, and he had forced his teammates to text you your passcode when he went on his mission. Surely that was enough proof that he cared about you and not Bekah.

It wasn’t enough, said the heart.

It has to be enough, said the head.

It shouldn’t even be happening, said the soul.

You watched the sun peek through the blinds just as they had when you’d been wrapped in Johnny’s arms, naked and warm against his pink skin.

You sighed and got up to shower.

The party was at two, so you had plenty of time. You made it over to Ettrick’s early to help set up, walking alone since you knew the others would be in heels and wouldn’t all fit in the car. You’d brought flats, sensible but stylish, and a comfortable, albeit sparkly, maxi dress. You felt like shit. Sleep would have been nice, you thought.

Hamish had delivered all of the boxes for you this morning, and the wait staff at Ettrick’s was setting it out for you. You rearranged it as artfully as you could, and you were just about finished when your phone buzzed.

Mo Chroi: phone’s alive! sorry i disappeared on you thief. forgive me?

You: glad youre ok

You: party starts soon

You: cookies.jpg

You: dessert_table.jpg

Mo Chroi: wow! did you do all that? pigeon is gonna be chuffed

Mo Chroi: heading out to the next spot

Mo Chroi: helicopter2.jpg

You: want me to tell Bekah hi? she was waiting on you to text her back last night

Mo Chroi: ?? no

Mo Chroi: why

Mo Chroi: what did she say

Mo Chroi: thief?

You: just that she was hoping you would text her back. idk

You thought about it for a little while before sending a final text.

You: i think she wanted more than just a sunrise.

SATURDAY NIGHT

You had three missed calls from Johnny, but you were too busy trying to deal with gift unwrapping, keeping the peace at the over-crowded tables, and rushing out appetizer trays when the wait staff became too overwhelmed. It was chilly tonight, but you were sweating under your long dress.

You thought about what you’d said to Johnny, and you were mad at yourself for trying to get a rise out of him. You didn’t want to be the one playing games, and you needed to curb your jealousy. He was allowed to text whoever he wanted, just like you were.

You: sorry. cant pick up. busy with your sister

You: champagne.jpg

Mo Chroi: answer my calls thief

Mo Chroi: i have to drive the rig but im calling you as soon as we get to our site

Mo Chroi: trucks.jpg

Mo Chroi: at least tell me when you get back. promise

You: promise

SUNDAY, 0200

You: i made it back to my apartment. hamish drove me. train was down for maintenance.

You: marlowe-in-a-bag.jpg

You: marlowe is mad that i was gone

Mo Chroi: im glad youre alright.

Mo Chroi: gaz took this at our training today

Mo Chroi: group_pic2.jpg

You: yall look tough

You: whos the one in the middle

Mo Chroi: thats the captain and ghost has the dog

Mo Chroi: go to bed thief. its late

Mo Chroi: sunrise2.jpg

Mo Chroi: can i call you later? its important

You: ok

SUNDAY, NOON

You woke to the sound of rain. A loud peal of thunder pulled you from the darkness of your sleep. You would have stayed with Pidge, but you just couldn’t face his bed again. Hamish was happy to be your chauffeur, even after you learned that the train was out of service. You tried to buy him some gas, but he adamantly refused.

A headache stung behind your eyes, drilling into you, punishing you for the champagne. You hadn’t been drunk, but it had been sweet, and now you were paying the price for your sugar rush. You checked your phone.

Pidge: hHad such a great night!!. Thanku for everytingf i lov youuuu!!

Pidge: omg Anji just boked inthe sink

You didn’t reply. She was probably still asleep, along with the rest of the household. There was nothing from Johnny, yet. It wasn’t unusual. He was busy with terrorism, you figured. He would text you if he wanted to text you.

Digging in your freezer, you found some leftover soup and put it on to reheat. Your phone rang.

The selfie of you and Johnny at Glencoe flashed onto your screen. You let it ring again before you picked up.

“Hey,” you said softly, your voice still hoarse from sleep.

“You still asleep, thief. I’m sorry to wake you,” he didn’t sound sorry.

“It’s okay,” you sighed, “Just making some soup. Rainy here. Cold.”

You: rainy_window.jpg

He groaned, and you could hear the creak of a mattress in the background,

“Mm. Spent the whole day on my belly doing target practice. I miss home.”

Mo Chroi: sniperpractice.jpg

“Yeah? Looks sandy and hot. Too bad there’s no beach,” you stirred the soup.

“I miss you, mo mèirleach.”

You stopped stirring the soup.

“I miss you, too.”

“Do you? Or are you cross about my texting Beks?”

“Both,” you went back to stirring the soup.

“Sent it to Hamish, too. You cross about tha’?”

You sent back silence.

“And if I told you Bekah’s an old friend from grammar school, and that’s all she’ll ever be, would you believe me, lass?”

Silence was all you had to give, apparently. Finally, you poured the soup into a big bowl and set it down on your coffee table, shoving your papers and books aside, and said,

“This soup looks amazing. Wanna see it?”

You: soup.jpg

“Thief. She’s just a friend.”

“I think there’s a song about this actually…”

“I think I’m fallin’ for you, and I need to know if you’re fallin’ for me, too.”

The bite of soup you were about to take hovered in your spoon, frozen in time. You could hear him breathing in your ear, waiting on your response. You could feel your heart shudder in your chest.

“Johnny. We can’t…”

“Don’t. Don’t start with tha’ mess, thief. Tell me you aren’t fallin’ for me, and I’ll stop. No more texts. I’ll leave it alone.”

“She’ll never forgive me, Johnny. I don’t have anybody else, don’t you get that? I’m not even from here. I’m spending Christmas with her because I don’t have anywhere else to go. You have a whole town who loves you, and she’s your sister. She’ll forgive you in a heartbeat.”

“You have me, don’t you, thief?”

“Do I?”

It was his turn to push silence out through time and space, sending it up to the cellular satellites and mirroring it back down to you. Firing frustrated breathing noises across cables and wires and whatever other stupid fucking technology was happening to you right now.

“Alright, lass.”

The phone beeped at you to inform you that the call had ended, but you kept it pinned on the shell of your ear, desperate for even a moment of that silence again. You regretted your honor the moment you’d held it up, and you were angry at yourself for keeping a promise you’d promised to keep.

The phone clattered to the coffee table. The soup went cold.

MONDAY MORNING

There was no sunrise text for you this time. Your phone didn’t have any notifications at all, in fact. You made it all the way to the bus before you caved.

You: bus.jpg

You waited. Then, you waited some more. Nothing happened. You tried not to cry, and you failed. Luckily, the bus was empty, and the driver didn’t care about you enough to ask what was wrong.

WEDNESDAY MORNING

You: stuck in the library today. office is being cleaned.

You: library.jpg

Again, you were met with the cold emptiness of staring at your own responses at the bottom of your messages. You tried not to feel the sting of it, but you failed at that, too.

THURSDAY MORNING

You: giving a lecture today. kinda nervous about this one.

You: lectureroom2.jpg

You: hope youre okay

FRIDAY MORNING

Your phone buzzed three times, waking you up with a jolt. It was still dark outside. You fumbled with your phone, rushing to see the messages.

Kyle: Hey this is Kyle, Soap’s mate. We’re heading back to the black site, so it’ll be a few weeks until you hear from him.

Kyle: airplane_loading.jpg

You: thanks for telling me

Kyle: Soap asked me to tell you he promises?? I think thats what he said.

You: tell him i promise

You: and can you tell him that i made a mistake? he was right. about everything.

You: and im sorry.

Kyle: Will do!

You stared out of the window until the deep purples of night gave way to a cool pink morning glow, and you watched as the sun stretched its gentle arms up and over the river.

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

Chapter 07

#guile and guilt #john mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish #john mactavish smut #soap mactavish #johnny mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #johnny soap mactavish #soap x reader #soap mctavish #call of duty fanfic #cod mw2 #cod mwii

220 notes · View notes

tossawary · 5 months ago

Text

I'm interested in reading a nonfiction book specifically on the disabling nature of pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare, and how this intersects with traditional gender roles and legal + financial oppression within many societies, but I'm also interested in reading about the intersection of feminism and disability more generally. (Preferably something that is not bioessentialist or transphobic nonsense.) Does anyone have any recommendations?

Let me ramble beneath a cut here on the area of interest I mean here. I promise I mean none of this in a weird bioessentialist or transphobic way, I've just been thinking a lot about how the physical realities (limitations, dangers) of reproduction affect our social structures, both in an activism way and also a fantasy worldbuilding way. I think "Dungeon Meshi" set off my thoughts on these things when it delved more seriously into the pain of long fantasy lifespans and the unavoidable violence of the food chain.

More generally (not talking about "Dungeon Meshi" any longer), I've taken note of fantasy and science fiction worlds which incorporate technological advancements for the author's convenience, allowing characters to act more freely and sidestep more realistic consequences of their actions, without apparently considering what these advancements mean for the shape of a society. These advancements include: effective birth control, effective protection against sexually transmitted health issues, relatively safe childbirth, relatively safe abortion, and substitute breast milk for infants. (And often menstruation is never mentioned.)

In most of these generic fantasy worlds I've encountered, the way that magic (or sufficiently advanced technology) shapes society is not the point of the story.

(Side note: I'm going to talk a lot about fantasy worldbuilding here, but I want to make it clear that I recognize this is a very serious topic and real people all over the world suffer from a lack of care regarding these issues. When I suggest that I find exploring these issues in fiction "interesting" or "fascinating", it's stemming partly from frustration in seeing these real and concerning issues represented so rarely in exploratory fiction meant to give voices to our nonfictional concerns, not that I find people's pain entertaining.)

A magic tea that keeps a character from getting pregnant exists as a device so that the reader can enjoy those sexy scenes without having to worry about birth control. An author might make a magical people "immune" to infections for similar reasons; now the audience can enjoy the "thrill" of unprotected sex with an incubus (impregnation kink) without having to think about the ick of getting syphilis. Magical healing exists to get our favorite character safely through childbirth, not because the author is interested in exploring what this might do to a world's birth rates. Magical infant formula exists so that our characters can look after an abandoned newborn, instead of dealing with the historic tragedy of infant mortality rates. And so on.

Many stories have alternate focuses besides this kind of technological + social worldbuilding for a variety of reasons! They just want to write sexy scenes or intricate political plots or sweeping adventures! That's fine! Sometimes, I also do not want to fucking think about the violent and deadly history of human reproduction.

And many OTHER stories DO deal with these things! I have read fantasy stories that say, "Hey, if magical healing is a thing, especially a thing that works as well or even better than our modern medicine, people would definitely try to control access to magic for power. And the religions of this world probably have lots of opinions on it. And it would generally effect the culture of this world on a foundational level, huh?" For some stories, this kind of worldbuilding is their whole thing. I have read some fantasy stories that do at least somewhat take into account what magical birth control and potentially reproductive autonomy might mean for the people there, though I might personally think that this kind of freely available technology would revolutionize society to a far greater degree than those fantasy worlds often depict.

See, I don't believe in gender or sex binaries, people are a lot more complicated than that, biology is a lot more complicated than that, and restricting legal rights and medical care and social roles based on either of those things is ridiculous. But I don't think it's unreasonable to point out that there are significant biological differences between groups of humans. (With blurry lines to these groups! Intersexuality is very much a thing!) Reproduction is necessary for the continuation of our communities, and in our reproduction, the pregnant parent bears a far greater physical burden and risk than the non-pregnant parent, which is really fucking unfair to everyone, but it's just the way that nature has it set up and we have to live with that process at the moment.

(Side note: no one should have to be pregnant or give birth if they don't want to. I also believe that, ideally, no one should have to care for a child if they don't want a child. This rambling may accidentally sound like "women are DESIGNED to have and care for children" nonsense, but 1) no human being or anything alive on this planet was "designed" for anything, that's horseshit thinking that's incredible harmful to people who physically cannot have children or are choosing not to have children so as to not pass on genetic issues, and 2) childfree people can do whatever they want forever. I may interchangeably use "pregnant people" and "women" because I'm switching off talking about physical reproduction and historical/modern oppression.)

(Also, yes, polyamory is a thing in relationships, and also people won't always live in partnership with the other bio parent of their children for whatever reason, but just go with me here for now.)

Historically, pregnancy and childbirth is a burden than has been borne by women. Currently, around the world, this is still a burden borne largely by women. And I've been wondering a lot about how much the oppression of women in our societies intersects with the oppression of the disabled. Even in ideal pregnancy and childbirth and childcare, without medical issues, it is a process that is at the very least temporarily disabling.

Some rare individuals can basically do hard labor throughout their pregnancy, up until the day they give birth, and then they're basically miraculously ready to run a marathon afterwards. Sure, whatever.

Most people do not have this experience with their pregnancy! Even if they do not experience more serious medical issues (which are a very real risk), a pregnant person is likely to at least get tired more easily and require more rest, to experience nausea and have specific dietary and nutritional requirements, to have achy feet and an aching back and other achy body parts, to have their mobility restricted by their belly and by looking after their belly. And so on! This is just scratching the surface!

By the end of their pregnancies, many people are unable to work. Many people are forced to work through draining pregnancies anyway, to get the supplies or money to survive, and suffer a variety of health issues later down the line. This inability to work leaves a significant group of people (the people who are producing the next generations within a community!) reliant on the compassion of their partners, families, or larger communities.

What if a society does not have a structure in place for those who cannot work? And who have no one to look after them? What if a person's partner or family or community is abusive? A physical and financial power imbalance is created by the unavoidably disabling nature of pregnancy.

And then there's childbirth, which comes with a very real risk of death or permanent health issues, to those with the best of modern healthcare and without. I don't feel like I need to get into this one too much.

But even if childbirth goes well, even if both parent and child are perfectly healthy afterwards, childcare itself restricts the formerly pregnant parent's ability to do things. Even waving aside the recovery period after childbirth, in a situation without infant formula or pumping + refrigeration, the breastfeeding parent is going to be stuck feeding the child multiple times every day and must stay close to them. In most situations, it makes sense that the breastfeeding parent is going to take on a lot of the childcare, and breastfeeding may go on for several years.

And though many people have done many impressive things with a child strapped to their back, an infant is both helpless and fragile. Toddlers are still fragile and still incapable of doing many things for themselves. Any human being, whether or not they were the pregnant parent, suddenly becomes limited in what they can do just by holding a baby. Caring for any human being, including the injured and sick and elderly, can be an exhausting situation and most carers are going to need help. Caretaking is work that will put limits on your ability to do other forms of work to survive.

And non-pregnant parents also deserve societal support! Especially if they have lost their partner for some reason or another and are now the sole caregiver for a child.

Thinking about all of this has underlined to me again just how much disability activism does for all "other" forms of activism. No one is better positioned to see how our societies fail to help and to care than those who need help and care to survive. What if a person cannot safely work? What if the work they can do is not enough to care for themselves and their dependents? What if a person cannot rely on the "compassion" of their local community? What would society look like if it was legally structured to provide unconditional support?

Reproductive rights and bodily autonomy seems to often become a high point of control. I'm not criticizing fantasy stories where magical birth control is readily available and it's just not an issue! It's nice to imagine that! But I do think it's worth thinking about how things like effective birth control and safe abortion potentially completely changes the way a society operates, giving people new control over their own bodies and futures. It's worth asking what power structures keep women (and other marginalized people) oppressed within a society when technology / medicine exists that could let them live freely. Is it a class issue? A religious issue? Can women legally tell men to fuck off or are they basically property in this setting?

(I think a lot about that one anecdote someone told about how their grandparents couldn't share a bedroom at one point, because though the couple loved each other very much and wanted to have sex, they just couldn't risk pregnancy again after all of the children they'd had and they had no effective birth control.)

(I also think a lot about the woman who tweeted about how birth control was good not just for "family planning" but because she wanted to have sex and didn't want children. She's the one who created / popularized the iconic phrase "die mad about it", I think. Amazing work.)

(I also think about how long it took for "marital rape" to be recognized as an issue and I want to fucking scream. It's STILL an issue in many places / situations.)

A society that does not freely provide medical care and childcare can never truly have "equality between sexes". Looking around at countries which complain about "declining" birth rates ("women choosing not to have children!!!") while also making it hellish (medically dangerous + a huge financial burden) to be pregnant or give birth or have children... I think I see part of their problem. Historically and into the modern day, pregnancy requires making yourself horribly vulnerable to your partner / family / community, and given the choice, even if they may want to be parents, a lot of people simply cannot afford the risk and burden of giving a child a good life. Pregnancy and childcare are often disabling and a lot of countries around the world treat disabled people terribly.

So, I'm interested in reading more about disability and feminism, as well as disability and children's rights, and disability and a lot of things, honestly. Or maybe something that just talks about childcare and pregnancy across a variety of societies around the world? Everything to do with "women are inherent this and men are inherently that" is bullshit, but there is an unavoidable power imbalance in reproduction (pregnant partner versus non-pregnant partner, which has historically been women versus men) which looks like it may have influenced traditional gender roles somewhat within some societies.

So, I'm looking for book recommendations.

#worldbuilding #tossawary reading #long post #I think that I'm going to turn reblogs off on this one from the get go because this is not my usual fare #reblogs off

110 notes · View notes

renard-dartigue · 8 days ago

Text

Kaiju no 8 ch.117 Review

Bruh I'm so shook right now! Some of my previous predictions turned out to be true. But I never would have guessed in what way!

Spoilers Ahead:

(And possible deranged rambling)

So it appears that the phantom samurai isn't an entity that has once had the kaiju shifting ability, the samurai IS the kaiju itself. Which is, holy shit!

It takes Kafka back in time to witness how it was created. I wonder if what's happening is similar to Assassin's Creed where using your genetic code, you can experience events that happened to your ancestors.

This would provide an explanation as to how the kaiju found Kafka. It identified Kafka through his bloodline.

Also, the way I shouted "My boiiiii!" when I saw Hoshina's ancestor lmao. Those cyndaphil looking eyes will forever stay with the Hoshina bloodline.

And I don't know if it has been mentioned before, but it never occurred to me that they were using kaiju weaponry back then. I just assumed that was a more resent development. That's really cool.

But, as Kafka states, its difficult to draw out power from them and they take a huge toll on the body compared to modern weapons.

It's also pretty funny how we got a hoshikaf moment in a flash back. I'd like to think that if Kafka really is in the place of his ancestor, he and Hoshina's ancestor had the same dynamic they have in modern day to some degree.

I'd gush about it more but I have to set that aside for now because this chapter takes a turn for the gruesome.

The warriors are able to take down the kaiju and I'm just as shocked as Kafka. Because I remember when Hoshina was talking about the warriors of the past and how their weaponry was more suited for smaller kaiju. But these clearly aren't KDF squads. It's untold thousands of warriors with spears, swords, archery, and cannons. What they lack in strength, they make up in numbers. And it works at first.

But the phantom samurai states that something happened that wasn't in the norm. If I remember correctly, they are called "after beasts".

So call me crazy but isn't that the same creature that they are currently fighting in modern day? I don't mean 9. The creature that is within 9. I don't think it was given a name yet so for convenience, I'm going to call it no.0 for now.

Kafka either recognizes this being as no.0 or has a gut feeling that the warriors are in danger. Regardless, Kafka is fully immersed in the flash back, thinking he can change events. That or these are the words of his ancestor and Kafka is just a spectator.

And can I just say that this is the most amount of gore we've seen from this manga. It isn't as visceral as say Chainsaw Man or other seinens. But this is a first for this particular manga. It makes the events much more brutal.

Man, this moment of Kafka seeing Hoshina's ancestor die and get eaten seriously hurts my soul. He may not have been the man Kafka knows but the fact they look so much alike is probably traumatic for him.

Kafka is forced to watch and experience the pain and loss of the warriors, even getting cut up himself. Given Kafka's personality, it must be agonizing for him to see people die and not be able to help this time.

And apparently this is a sentiment that the warriors share. As the phantom explains how helpless they all felt, the words "Damn it" flood the page, the same thought as Kafka.

We get interesting, or macabre, panels of the warrior souls converging together into one.

Forming into the creature responsible for kaiju no.8 existence.

So the phantom samurai is saying that all the souls of the dead warriors merged with their kaiju based armor, their collective consciousness united in one goal. Killing kaiju.

That is FUCKING AWESOME!

God damn it I wish chapters were longer I can't take the suspense anymore! We get something new every chapter but it never feels like enough aaaaagh! Please Naoya Sensei, I can't stand it! Its killing me fdfhdzcgd!

Anyways, time for predictions.

Even though I implied at the beginning that there where no kaiju shifters before Kafka, that might not be true. We still don't know what no.8 was doing before finding Kafka. It could have latched itself to another descendant of the warriors before Kafka but it was at a time with poor documentation and secrecy was necessary for their survival. The next chapter might go into that.

I no longer believe the phantom samurai to be a previous kaiju shifter. He looks to be an amalgam of the collective minds of the deceased warriors will.

I wonder why it took until now for the phantom to appear to Kafka. In his previous near death experiences, Kafka only saw the tiny kaiju repeating "kill" over and over.

Could it be that Kafka's training with Narumi, willingly giving himself up to kaiju no.8's full power, drew him closer to the warriors will?

OR, did the resurgence of no.0 trigger the phantom to appear due to it being the reason they all perished.

God, so many more questions. And I know they will likely be answered in the next few chapter but the wait is agony, blarg!

If you came this far, thanks for reading. Hope I don't come off as too deranged lol. It's just so exciting finally getting answers to questions I've had for so long heh.

#kaiju no 8 #kaiju no 8 manga #man i hope the anime is popular enough #so we can reach this point #i want to see these past few chapters animated!

24 notes · View notes

antimatterz · 1 year ago

Text

how to get a boyfriend 101

dan heng x gn!reader

summary: your crush on dan heng is getting out of hand. to take matters into your own hands, you order your own copy of the popular book how to get a boyfriend 101. that should just do the trick, right?

cw: humor, fluff, friends to lovers, modern au

content under the cut | masterlist

"are you sure this is going to work?" march asked hesitantly, looking slightly worried as you held your new book as if it was the holy bible itself.

you nodded vigorously. this was it, your solace to all your problems. the much-praised book how to get a boyfriend 101. it was immensely popular for a reason, right? it was bound to let you succeed.

okay, you weren't all that convinced, but you would continue this act until you came to believe yourself as much as you pretended to do. and hey, right now your massive crush on your classmate was just existing. you weren't doing anything about it, which had to change. it wouldn't hurt to use the help of a book, would it? you couldn't figure it out on your own and you weren't sure if march's advice really suited you – you lacked the courage to be direct.

"this book is going to be my savior," you proclaimed. "watch me, dan heng will be head over heels for me soon."

"if you say so," your best friend mumbled, obviously doubtful of the entire ordeal. "i don't get why you don't just tell him. he's been our friend for ages."

"i'm not brave enough to do that," you shook your head. "i'm doing it more discreetly, following the advices in this book."

march gave in with a sigh. it was pretty clear she wouldn't be able to change your mind. you were dead set on following the path brought to you by the book, and there was only one way to find out how this would end. you flipped it open, skipping the introduction pages and going straight towards the tips. the minutes following were filled with ohs and ahs as you let your eyes wander over the pages, diligently taking in all the information.

"this is gonna be easy," you concluded. "it's as clear as night and day. all i have to do is follow these simple steps and... and... you get the gist."

today was sunday, and tomorrow would not only be the start of a new week of school, but it would also be the beginning of your big project. you were brimming with confidence and excitement, and more than ready to make dan heng fall for you.

but it wasn't all that easy.

the next day, you found yourself hiding behind the door of your locker with the book in your hands. you were doing some sort of final revision, all while playing countless scenarios in your head. most of them went well, but the ones that went utterly wrong made you incredibly nervous.

"it's not too late to back out," march remarked casually.

but you shook your head. you weren't going to back out. if any, you were going for it. your silly crush on dan heng had lasted long enough, it was time to do something about it.

"dan heng incoming at two o'clock," march whispered, before she patted your shoulder and mingled with the crowd in the hallways. it was clear that she had no desire to witness what was about to happen.

you felt a rush of panic as you looked up, only to find dan heng approaching his locker – that was conveniently next to yours. he was effortlessly handsome in his school uniform, wearing it like a model on the runway. his raven hair was slightly messy and his grey eyes serious as he was nearing you. quickly, you hid the book in your locker and slammed the door shut.

"h-hi, dan heng," you greeted him. you smiled awkwardly, making it painfully obvious that you were likely up to something.

"y/n," he greeted you back, expression stoic.

mentally you were swooning, but you scolded yourself and tried to remember any of the tips you revised not even a minute ago. uhm, what was it again? your mind had turned into jelly the moment you saw dan heng, and you forgot all the things the book had tried to teach you.

the male was rummaging through his locker, and it wouldn't be long until he had gathered his books and would leave his locker. you had to act now.

1. show interest in his life.

it shot through your mind right on time, as dan heng was about to leave. you grabbed the sleeve of his uniform blazer in a rush, and he gave you a confused look. suddenly you realized what you were doing, and quickly let go. a mad blush crept up your cheeks, and you apologized profusely.

"i'm sorry," you piped. "i just wanted to ask how your weekend has been?"

dan heng straightened his sleeve, looking a little lost after your completely random question. but then he flicked your forehead softly, shaking his head.

"we literally hung out this saturday," he replied.

"i know, i know," you quickly said. "i'm talking about the rest of your weekend. you know, the part where we didn't see each other."

"you know, homework and stuff," he shrugged. "class starts in five minutes, so i have to go. you should hurry, too."

with those words he walked off, leaving you standing there. your mind ran over the past minute, and you wondered, did that count as a success or as a failure? you had no idea, but dan heng was right. you had to hurry if you wanted to make it in time.

2. be around him

"what if he thinks you're stalking him?" march asked skeptically. she handed you the book and folded her arms. "this doesn't sound like a great idea."

you hesitated. what if your best friend was right? you didn't want to creep him out or make him uncomfortable, nor did you want to scare him off and chase him away. what if he would think of you as a total weirdo? this step was a little unclear and risky, you realized.

"i'll just be subtle about it," you promised, even though it was directed more to yourself than to march.

and so you did – or tried, at least.

you sat a little closer to him during your lunch break, barely noticable but enough to have your heart working double hours. you made sure to say hi to him every time you ran into him in the hallways between classes, and whenever the two of you shared a class you secured the seat next to him. it was not good for your poor heart, but it had to be done. you even accompanied him on his way home, even though you lived in the opposite direction – which earned you a confused look from the male, but alas.

3. dress to impress

well, that one stressed you out quite a bit. on school days there wasn't much you could do, since it was very limited what you could do when it was required to wear uniforms. but now the weekend rolled around again, and you forced your best friend to come over to help you pick out clothes for a so-called study date in the library with the one and only dan heng. you did that quite often, but today was different, you knew it.

"what about this?" march suggested, taking your favorite shirt from your closet. she tossed it over to you, and you held it up in front of you. no, that was not it. dan heng had seen you wearing it so often already, how was it supposed to impress him?

"i want to try something new," you stated, diving into a section of your wardrobe that held a wide array of untouched clothes. there was a reason you didn't wear them, as you realized when you took them out of the closet.

but desperate times called for desperate measurements. you just had to suck it up and wear them. hesitantly, you combined a few items that looked decent together and tried them on. oh, you felt weird in what you were wearing, but still showed it to your best friend.

much to your surprise, march showed a hint of enthusiasm for the first time since you started your project. she gave you a thumbs-up.

"that looks awesome, y/n!" she chimed.

her excitement brought you a little confidence, and thus you went out wearing your new outfit. when you met with dan heng outside of the library, his eyes widened slightly as his gaze landed on you. he took in your appearance, as if he had to do a double-take. was that a good sign? you had no idea.

for what remained of your study date, his eyes were on you more often than on his textbook. you felt awfully self-aware because of that, and you too couldn't focus on your work. it was a very unproductive afternoon, but at least you grabbed his attention, right?

later that day, when you called march to update her on how it went, she wasn't too sure what it meant, either. both of you agreed that it wasn't like dan heng to stare so obviously, but whether it was a good or bad sigh? neither of you knew.

4. show your sexy side.

"i have an amazing idea," you exclaimed, fanning your cheeks as embarrassment flared them.

"oh god, what is it," march asked, nervous to hear what you had in mind regarding this particular step.

"let's skip this one," you firmly said, and your best friend exhaled in relief.

5. hold eye contact for a few seconds longer

"can we skip this one too?" you pleaded, but march resolutely shook her head.

"this one actually sounds like it makes sense," she reasoned. "hold his gaze, magically convey your feelings, stare into his beautiful, dreamy orbs."

you pretended to gag as she spoke those last words, but didn't go against it. just, how were you going to survive that without combusting on the spot? you weren't sure if you could handle this particular step. heck, you already went up in flames when dan heng shot you a simple look. there was no way you could successfully do this.

yet, you tried.

you sat opposite of him during lunch break, and you felt the weight of the book in your bag. it was taunting you, and you gave in.

dan heng mentioned something about your english homework, and you just so happened to catch his gaze.

hold it, hold it, you told yourself. your silently looked into his grey irises, and it wasn't the first time you realized how beautiful his eyes were. quiet, solemn, full of mystery. you found yourself getting lost in them, but dan heng didn't look away, either. only when you were a minute into it, you shot awake, realizing you were overdoing it. a few seconds longer, the book told you. heck, you basically engaged in a staring competition with him.

heat rose to your cheeks and you quickly averted your gaze. from the corner of your eyes you found dan heng looking at you weirdly, and march pinched the bridge of her nose.

you should've skipped this step.

6. remember what he shares.

"so this basically means i have to remember what he talks about, right?" you mused, closing the book. easy peasy, you already did. your brain had a special slot for things dan heng told you.

that day you caught him in the hallway as he made his way to your usual lunch break spot. you greeted him with a smile, and he acknowledged your presence with a curt nodm

you racked your brain, trying to think of anything dan heng mentioned in the past few weeks. thing is, he doesn't share a lot, so the memories were sparce. a weird silence hung between the two of you, filled with only the chatters of the students around you. but then you remembered something, and you lit up.

"how did your family dog's surgery go?" you asked.

dan heng shot you a look of surprise.

"you remembered?" he reacted, taken-aback. then his expression lightened. "it went well, he's all better now. it was a minor surgery, but i was quite nervous regardless."

"of course i remembered," you chimed. "i'm glad to hear that, give him some belly rubs from me when you get home, okay?"

the beginning of a smile formed on his lips, as he gave you a nod.

"will do."

you smiled back, though it held a different reason. that actually went well! wait, this was the first step you didn't mess up, wasn't it? you knew this book would come in handy!

7. touch him.

"uhm, what?" you questioned with a frown.

"not like that, silly," march laughed. "just, touch his shoulder, place a hand on his arm when you laugh at his jokes. stuff like that."

"dan heng doesn't make jokes," you reminded your best friend.

"you get what i mean, though," the girl said. "it means that you have to show very small, almost invisible signs of affection to let him know you're interested in him."

"but i don't want him to know!" you countered.

"then what's the whole point of this?" march asked, giving you a dumbfounded look. "isn't the idea that he catches onto your feelings and makes a move?"

"i mean, yes, but–" you began.

"don't chicken out, y/n," your best friend encourages you. "you've spent money on this book and you already came this far."

"you're right," you sighed.

and thus, you followed this step, too.

you started off hesitantly, fingertips grazing the air without any conviction of actually touching him. but that wouldn't make the cut, you knew that very well. so you stepped up your game. you placed a hand on his shoulder as you tried to catch up with him in the hallways, you occasionally touched his arm to draw his eyes towards you in a conversation, you sometimes let your hands touch accidentally in the most cunning ways. the longer it went on, the better you became. you were actually kind of proud of yourself. and the best part? dan heng never moved away from your touch!

8. be yourself.

that was probably the most complicated one so far. sure, it sounded easy enough, but what exactly did you have to do? yes, be yourself, but what was that?

you stared at the text on the page, but it didn't really clear up the issue. frankly, you had no idea what to do when the book told you to be yourself. what exactly was being yourself? you were seriously puzzled.

"hi y/n, what are you reading?" a voice called out to you from behind. much to your horror, it was a voice that was all too familiar, and never before did you shut a book so rapidly.

sadly, closing the book revealed the front of the cover, which had the book's title on full display. you realized your mistake too late, and by the time you noticed, dan heng had already read the words.

"how to get a boyfriend one-o-one?" he said aloud, raising a brow. he gazed at you intently, as if he tried to figure out what was going on inside your mind. "can i see?"

you were obviously panic-stricken, that much wasn't hard to see. and dan heng, on his turn, was obviously suspicious of your behavior and the book you were reading.

it was pointless to hide the book behind your back and pretend nothing was there. so you gave in, handing the book to the male while you tried not to perish on the spot. you quickly averted your gaze, staring somewhere far away from the situation while you scolded yourself for reading this stupid book at school. why did you do that?!

you heard the sound of pages rustling, and you wanted nothing but to evaporate and disappear. you weren't ready for this. he would be so weirded out, he would judge you so hard. oh, you royally screwed up, and you weren't sure if this could be fixed.

"so this is why you've been acting so strange lately," the male remarked. "you were following instructions from a book that would get you a boyfriend. on me."

"i-i can explain," you stuttered. man, you felt embarrassed to the core. now you had to confess your feelings in the worst way possible. while you had tried to be subtle, you blew your own cover.

"you don't need to explain anything," dan heng shook his head as he took a seat next to you. "look, y/n, you don't need the help of a book to get my attention. you were doing perfectly fine on your own."

you were wallowing in self-pity and barely comprehended the words he spoke. by the time the meaning dawned upon you, a good minute had passed. you gazed up, finally mustering the courage to look at him directly. did that mean...?

as if he could read your mind, dan heng nodded.

"i've started liking you way before you started using tips from that book," he confessed, a smile appearing on his lips. "though, i must say it was very entertaining to see you act like that."

this wasn't how you expected things to go, but god, you weren't complaining. your heart was soaring in your chest upon his words. well, the book kind of still worked, right? because dan heng saw what you were scheming, he chose to confess his feelings to you.

your crush confessed his feelings to you!

"couldn't you have told me before i started acting like a fool?" you laughed sheepishly, even though you had no regrets. after all, it had been sort of fun in a way. it surely came with a lot of humor, and apparently, dan heng had found it entertaining just as much.

minutes ago, you had failed to understand what exactly the book meant by being yourself, but now you realized you had been doing exactly that all along before you started following the book. dan heng liked you for you, and wasn't that the greatest thing ever?

#honkai star rail #hsr #honkai #dan heng #— enyo writes #dan heng x reader #honkai: star rail #dan heng imagine #dan heng imagines #dan heng fluff #dan heng x you #dan heng x y/n

368 notes · View notes