#so when they have to do more it’s crap bc they pulled some shit out of their asses

[radiaking]

Reading this review of fallout that essentially says they think it’s “just okay” but not great, seeming to attribute its success mainly due to being an adaptation of a beloved game. As someone who never played before watching and thought it was a great tv show (not just a great adaptation since I had no basis for comparison), obvs I disagree. And they really had no clear basis for why they think it’s not that great and more that they just don’t get the hype. Like they enjoyed it, they want more of it, etc. but interestingly they did say they hope it’s success makes them improve not approach s2 with a “if it aint broke don’t fix it” mindset, and that I can agree with. But tbh I think this speaks to a larger problem with tv at all and not just fallout….

[conceptofjoy]

how do u imagine the Dynamic between dave and davepeta postgame. ik ur more of a dsprite fan than dp but i think it could/would be Very fascinating. plays a role in cracking daves eggy loking thign

i love both very dearly :) i draw dsprite a lot more partly bc of the self imposed sprite rules i made for my pc au. seb’s an exception, lets just say some kind of splinter bullshit happened lol.

pre retcon dave had that convo w jade abt ds. the way he talked abt him’s can be easily summarized by saing “hes me when it’s beneficial and not me when it makes me uncomfortable/ makes me need to confront some things.”

he’d totally just compartmentalize any interactions in that way lmfao. oh so youre a catbird sprite thing? alright im an ally do your thing bro i mean they. nepeta’s side of things wants to just PRY him open and the dave side’s like this is going to be so much fun. dps wants to fuck with him SOOO badly but also doesnt want him to run away from the egg crackification process. dave keeps avoiding dps not so casually but jade keeps looking at him disappointedly so they have to hang out. jade knows that theyre pulling something’s so tells dps to ease up on dave but thats literally an impossible ask.

dps explains some stuff about the gender thing bc dave is only casually interested. totally.

DAVE: so like a boy and a girl came together to make a nonbinary person?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B//< ummm

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< something like that!

DAVE: i dunno it seems pretty clear cut

DAVE: oh shit unless the bird also had some kinda bird gender and shook things up

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: >B33< yeah i had to do all kinds of gender maths as soon as i came into existence

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< did you know bird gender and cat gender cancel each other out?

DAVE: no shit?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< no that was a joke dump ass!

DAVE: i knew that

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< sure

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< well i dont think the bird had anything to do with the gender maths. or the sword

DAVE: sword gender…

DAVE: wait wasnt the bird a mama bird?

DAVE: seemed pretty intent on keeping our game egg to herself remember?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B00< ohhh yeah

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< my bad

DAVE: you remember being a bird???

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< no comment

DAVE: oh shit thats not very dave of you

DAVE: any dave i know would jump right into a whole spiel about how tough life is as a single bird mom

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: >B33< well dave thats because… im not you!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< we went over this before! lets go back to the gender thing

DAVE: yeah yeah

DAVE: ok gender

DAVE: so a human boy a troll girl a bird mom and a sword walk into two kernel sprites

DAVE: wait shit do the kernel sprite have genders too?

DAVE: kernel gend-

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: XOO< holy shit i think i get what equius went through

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< do you see what youre doing to me dave? youre making me sympathize with a sweaty and incredibly silly 13 year old troll boy

DAVE: haha youre funny as shit

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< thank you

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< yeah while the other components probably added some other gender stuff

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< it was mostly dave and nepeta’s gender that influenced mine

DAVE: yeah alright

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< like nepeta for example

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< grew up away from society and barely had to deal with the caste system

DAVE: sure

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< theres specifc roles assigned to each gender and caste but nepeta just didnt get the memo

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< despite the friend group being a pretty non hemoist

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B??< hemoist?

DAVE: sure hemoist

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< well despite the group being all “who gives a crap about your blood color and gender”

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< nepeta still felt like there was just something no one decided to tell him that dictated every interaction he had with everyone else

DAVE: yeah i totally get tha-

DAVE: wait “him”?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< …

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: ‘833< what?

DAVE: wait was nepeta a boy???

DAVE: oh shit how did no one ever correct me this whole time-

DAVE: no wait pause

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: ‘B33< paws

DAVE: paws

DAVE: no stop that

DAVE: if nepeta’s a boy and im a boy…

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: ‘B33< …

DAVE: were you lying about the bird gender thing or???

DAVEPETASPRITE^2:

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< yes dave. i really am part boy gender and part bird mom gender

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< *SIGH* i think thats enough for today. i tried my best

DAVE: huh?

[babybluebex]

imagine being in a movie with dom, and you have to film a *special* scene… like the aftermath???? the chemistry???? dying 😩😩😩

oh ok. walk with me for a second here. (the good stuff's under the cut, so if you don't care ab my little schpiel about how these scenes are filmed, just go straight to under the cut)

so here's a Film Industry Tidbit: before love/sex/whatever-you-wanna-call-it-scenes, there's a rehearsal process that involves an intimacy coordinator, and like their WHOLE JOB is choreographing and rehearsing and blocking scenes like this, it's becoming more and more prevalent on film sets to ensure all parties in these sorts of scenes are being treated fairly and with consent and there's also certain garments that are required of actors to wear in filming these scenes, little like strapless thongs and pouches and shit, like NEVER on a film set will you just be expected to be completely naked and left to your own devices to simulate sex

anyway. off my soapbox. you and dom have to film one of those scenes, and you know this before you sign onto the movie, and you two meet at the table read and he's warm and friendly, you instantly feel like great friends

and you rehearse for the movie and everything, costume fittings and screen tests and things, and even though you're smiling and laughing with dom, The Scene is starting to weigh on your mind bc like, aw hell you're starting to actually like him a lot and you don't know if you can be normal about this scene

and it comes time to specifically rehearse The Scene, and the intimacy coordinator is very nice, understanding that you're both young actors who haven't filmed something like this before and don't know what to expect, and she starts with some "easy" icebreaker questions "what are your boundaries during sex?" and dom is a little red in the face but takes it serious "i guess i don't love when a girl pulls my hair... not my favorite" and then it comes time for you to answer and you're like crap and sigh "i, um, i've never had sex, so i don't really know..." and you feel dom's eyes on you but you can't dare to look at him

the scene is supposed to be very passionate and gentle and romantic, but you don't have a CLUE what that looks like, but dom sure seems like he does, because he's figuring out where to hold you and how to naturally do the scene, and you're doing what you can with what you know, touching his face and cupping the back of his neck, and dom throws out a suggestion "maybe you can, like, drag your nails down my back? would that look good on camera?" and you're Confused "why would i do that?" and he's not cocky, it's a very genuine answer, but his words still make you run hot all the same: "because it's gonna feel good"

you leave the rehearsal and dom's his usual self "wanna grab a drink? there's a little bar close to here i've heard about" and you have to be like "i, um, have— my-my call time is really early tomorrow, i gotta—"

"nah, i got you, don't sweat it, it's fine" he chuckles "maybe we can grab that drink friday night... i'll probably fuckin' need it"

"what's on friday?" and you immediately regret asking because you already know the answer, you remember the schedule

"we film the sex scene on friday" dom tells you and you're like right, right, but pretty quickly flee the scene and go home

and then friday rolls around. it's a closed set, as you requested, and your director was more than happy to work that out for you, and you're in the makeup trailer, kinda halfheartedly chatting with your makeup girl as she gets you ready, a very naturally pretty no-makeup look for what's supposed to be an early-morning-just-woke-up sorta sex scene, and you're about to divulge to her how nervous you are to film, and then the door opens and in he strolls wearing a robe, biting into a peach as he settles into his chair

and you don't really talk to each other, both obviously nervous as hell, and he finally mumbles "this fucking thing..." and shifts in his seat and you're like "you good?" and he goes pink and chuckles "yeah, they've got me strapped in here and it doesn't hurt but it's not comfy" and you're like ??? strapped in?? and he's uncharacteristically bashful "they've got me wearing a pouch... it covers everything... i feel so exposed and yet totally covered at the same time" "yeah, like when you're naked with only socks on, suddenly you feel way more naked than if you just weren't wearing socks" you tell him and he nods enthusiastically "exactly! nobody's gonna see my dick, but it feels like everyone's gonna be looking, and that's somehow worse than if my dick was actually out" and you laugh and like whew ice broken thank god

you get on set and take off the robe and quickly slip into the bed, and you hope he can't see your heartbeat through your chest as he does the same, and your mouth goes a little dry at his body, pale freckled skin, tattoo on his belly, bony hips and bandy chest (and that god-awful flesh-colored sack around his dick) but fuck his arms feel so strong as he hugs you into his body to start the scene, and you know that you won't survive if you have to do it multiple times so you resolve to nail every line and movement so that it's a one and done sorta thing

your director calls action, and you and dom "sleep" for a few moments before you start, shifting your legs under the sheets as you "wake up", and you hear him make a soft noise from behind you as he too wakes up, and his strong arm tightens around your waist, and when he speaks, his voice is low and scratchy, the sexiest morning voice you've ever heard "you awake, honey?"

"mhm" you hum, and your skin prickles as he starts to set kisses on your back and shoulder

"good" he says, and all of your rehearsal for the scene has prepared you for this, but doing it on camera, for real this time, is no match for being fully clothed and sorta miming through it, and when he moves you onto your back and smooths his rough hands up your thighs, it's suddenly so hard to breathe, especially when he hits his blocking and starts to kiss down your body and looks up at you with those dark eyes through his eyelashes, and you manage to get out your line "baby? will you make love to me?" and he laughs "anything you want, honey"

a camera shift for a different angle, an awkward few moments of waiting, and then the part you're SERIOUSLY nervous for comes, and your director calls action, and dom doesn't waste a second to kiss you like his life depends on it and to start moving his body between your thighs, acting his little heart out, and you're doing what you rehearsed, the wrinkled eyebrows and stuttered breathing, and pulling your nails down his shoulderblade, and then he deviates??? like motherfucker this is NOT part of the plan!!! when he whines a little "harder" and you're like "huh??" "nails, in my skin, harder... mark me up, make me yours, baby" and you instantly roll with the punches "you're already mine"

and you swear you see god as you film that scene, it's the most sensual thing you've ever experienced in your life, best sex ever and it wasn't even real sex, and you finish filming earlier than scheduled ("what can i say, i'm a pro" dom jokes) and you start to go to your trailer after getting out of costume because what the fuck just happened to you, and dom's like "hey! you promised me a drink tonight" "i promised no such thing" "well, indulge me?" and it's those SAME doe eyes from earlier and you sigh "one drink, dom, then i'm going home"

three rounds of shots and half a jack and coke later, and you're divulging to him what was going through your head during his little improvisation that day, "no, because you saying to do it harder? i was like 'what the fuck is he doing'??" and he laughs and rolls his eyes, but leans into you all the same "eh, whatever, that's how i like it" "you like getting hurt? that doesn't sound sexy at all" "not 'getting hurt' exactly" and he's tracing his pinkie on your knee as he thinks "but like... being marked, showing people that you're owned by someone... not in like a weird way, but... i don't know how to explain it..." and maybe it's the jack in your drink plus the three green tea shots you had, or maybe you're just sick and tired of being nervous, because you say "show me" and now it's HIS turn to be confused and go "huh?" "show me what you mean. you don't have to use words if you can't find them" and he breathlessly laughs "honey, please" and he's never called you that off camera before "you can't just say that to me" "well why not?" "we're both drunk" he starts and hits you with those eyes again "and if anyone on set knew that we came out to a bar, and then spotted us going into the same trailer together... people'll talk" "oh c'mon, i know you don't give a shit about if people talk" you said "what's the real problem?" and his pinkie goes under your skirt and sorta curls in the hem for a moment, and he bites his lip and slowly releases it "well... for one... i'd like for you to be able to walk normally tomorrow, because if i get you in my bed... honey, you got me so worked up earlier, it's a miracle i didn't get hard, and i don't think i could stop myself from doing some very bad things to you tonight" "oh?" and you're trying to be cool and calm but youre FREAKING OUT inside "like what?" "jesus christ" dom whispers "i also don't want your first time to be like this, a drunken mistake with a coworker, you deserve better than m-that" and you hear what he stopped himself from saying, you deserve better than me, and you put down your drink and cup his jaw and make him look up from your lap "it won't be a mistake" you tell him and he swallows hard and his eyes are locked on your lips, silently begging for you "dominic..." and that gets him to look you in the eyes "i think you should take me home"

and he gets you in his trailer, and the bed's not huge but it's good enough for the two of you, and suddenly his kisses and touches feel more natural than if you had rehearsed it a thousand times, the way he kisses your tits and travels down and helps undress you, down to your socks, and you start to go for them but he's like "no, no... keep em on" and once again you're confused by him but he's like "you said you feel more naked like this than if you're actually naked... i want you to be exposed for me, vulnerable... spread out... begging for it..." and he's steady kissing your inner thigh, waiting for your okay to go further and you think you just might burst into flames, and your legs open for him and he doesn't waste a second to put his mouth on you

the night lasts until it's nearly dawn, laying together, talking in hushed tones, fucking, unable to keep your hands off each other, and he looks like a god, his skin all golden and supple with sweat, messy hair, red puffy lips, and his gaze is so soft and gentle at you, holding you and playing with your fingers, and he says "do you regret this?" "no" and you get a little scared "do you?" "no" he tells you "i was just worried that... i don't know, i somehow failed you or something, being the one to..." "you didn't fail me, dommy," you tell him, and his cheeks twitch with a smile "i couldn't have asked for better" "i just feel like—" dom starts but you kiss him to shut him up, and his hands go to your face, holding you close as his tongue claims your mouth for the millionth time that night "dom" you break the kiss "did i cum?" "did you—" and he furrows his eyebrows "yeah. a few times. i mean, right? you did, right?" "i did" you tell him "you made me cum, a couple of times, on our first night together, and i don't know a lot about sex, but that seems indicative of a pretty good night together, right?" "i just feel like i could've done more to show you how i feel about you" dom mumbles, and you shake your head "i don't need all that" you say "big romantic gestures or whatever, that's not me... i'm telling you, this was perfect" "ok" dom whispers and you can tell he's not exactly satisfied, but whatever "as long as you let me make it up to you someday" "how would you do that?" you ask, and he leans in and kisses your neck, slowly moving between your thighs again "i'd get you a nice outfit" he whispers "something that really makes you look just gorgeous, something that makes every guy in the room look at you and wish you were theirs... take you to dinner, wherever you want... fly you to paris if you'd like..." "oh yeah?" and you wanna be playful and flirty, but god you're so turned on you can't think straight, and it takes very little maneuvering for him to slip inside you again, and he sorta trails off his thoughts as he fucks you, touching his forehead to yours, and you do what he asked of you and dig your nails into the skin of his back and make long claw marks down his back "dommy?" and he grunts in response as he works "i think i wanna be your girl" "god, please" he whispers "i wanna be your guy so fucking bad"

and when a PA comes to dom's trailer for his wake up call once the sun's up, you have to untangle yourself from him, and you bid him goodbye with a big kiss, and he says "don't think we're done here, okay? more's coming tonight. remember those bad things i said i wanna do to you? still want that" and he winks and god yeah you're a lucky gal <3

[fuck-customers]

I'm the anon who sent in an ask abt accidentally co-ordinating a mass call out, saw a lot of ppl wanting the know the aftermath so here's your updoot :>

All 3 of us did end up calling in (during the early morning, so we never had to directly talk to our boss, but the manager on at the time) plus another random 4th person, who wasn't apart of the original group and is just a regular sickie chucker. When my boss did see the emails that morning, he came to my station and had a mini freakout/breakdown to the opener. Ended up not being able to cover the midshift with a proper staff member who works in our department, so no prep was done or topped up all day; the opener was in on what we were doing and also didn't like the staff on that night so her attitude was very much 'sounds like a them problem'.

From what I heard of the close, it went about as well as I expected; a massive shitshow. The one coworker who I really don't like our of the 3 stooges ended up being forced into doing the close, and boy did she fuck it up. That next morning the place was a total trash heap- with shit still being dirty, equipment not being turned off, and just looking like crap in general. According to another coworker who was there briefly it wasn't even bc she was busy, she just never bothered to even START her closing duties or clean and let everything build right until the end. The opener was so mad they went and got my boss to come down and look at the place the morning after and he pulled lazy coworker into a meeting about it that night, saying there was no reason she had to stay back an hour past her clock out time and still leave the place looking like a dump. I had to work with her that next night and she was being really passive aggressive to me abt it, kept saying things like 'yeah it was so bad, if only SOMEONE didn't call in on us' (like get fucked, maybe if you didn't suck I wouldn't have had to prioritise my mental health).

There was an hour wait time basically all that night (something that shouldn't have happened, I saw the sales the from the night and it wasn't even that bad, they're all just that slow) and a shit ton of people complained about either not receiving their food, or the food they did get being cold/not cooked properly. The managers on that night had to get called over a bunch to do a lot of voids and refunds. One of my regulars who was in that night said things didn't even look busy, the person on close just spent more time leaning around or freaking out then actually doing anything.

As for myself and the 2 others who called in, we all had a really good day off. The midshift was telling me how they spent the day relaxing and even got themself a little spa day, I ended up catching up on some chores work had severely pushed back and the other chick just relaxed at home all night. No one walked out and the place didn't burn down, so it's a little anti-climatic ik, but oh well. Good day for us, not so good for the others :3 It was nice at least that they got a taste of what we have to deal with whenever they're on.

Posted by admin Rodney

[thepolyamorouspolymath]

The ghosts of penises past strikes again... twice in one month.

I finally had cut ties with M. Like deleted his contact info from EVERYWHERE so I couldn't dig it back out some time when I was feeling lonely and unattractive.

I didn't block him, because he hadn't been responding the last time I tried talking to him, and because I made a promise once to always be there for him if he needed me. He may have no sense of honor and he may never keep his word, but I'm not that person. If I PROMISE (rather than just saying I will) I fucking stick to it. I have too many broken promises and cracks in my heart from them to do otherwise.

So I'm sitting here one day chilling, working on some research, and I see the whatsapp notification on my bar. I assume it's this company that always sends me promos or a back up running. Nope, it's him.

He beats around the bush for awhile before making it clear he was looking for sex. And I said no, that he should remember my stance on casual meaningless sex. He suggested an ongoing thing getting to know each other. When I asked why he reached out to me when he could find someone easily to cheat on his gf with he gave me some bullshit. Then said how he didn't want to get back together, it'd take a lot of long conversations before we got there and I straight up laughed. For a solid 3 minutes straight. Then went why would I want to repeat the worst mistake I ever made. Not that he meant it -- those conversations would never happen unless he needed me to feel guilty about something and he was never going to want a relationship with me. It was the equivalent of the married man leaving hints he'd leave his wife for you if things worked out. I listed all the shit he pulled and he got mad, how it reminded him of how I'd berate him and never let go of anything (a, he kept doing the sane shit and b, funny how that's the same thing he said about all his exes to me way back when) and he'd just been thinking with his dick again and should find someone easier and thanks for the reminder. So I responded even his dick should have known better than to try to hook up with me after making his disdain for me clear, abd that he absolutely should find someone else bc not only did my mind not want him but I was bone dry at the idea of him ever touching me again.

Then I think he deleted whatsapp despite needing to talk to people in Europe, because his pic and stuff went but it didn't tell me I was blocked which it usually does, I think. Fucking coward.

So we'll see how long this sticks, as it's fine for him to ignore me but he can't stand when I don't want him. Hopefully forever.

Then I get a message yesterday. A guy I went out with 3 times in January or something. Guy wanted me to accept scraps of time when his wife thought he was with friends bc she wanted a don't ask don't tell. Even I had more self respect than that. Oh and he wanted a lifestyle partner, not a life partner. Not bc he loves his wife but bc he likes his life the way it is and if he could squeeze in some kink on his terms only, so much the better. I shot that shit down and called him out for being completely manipulative and selfish, qualities he thought he'd left behind and no, still the same guy he was when some other poor woman had to call him on it and I said so. I'm not shy.

He acknowledged I'd been right, apologized, asked to be friends first, and to unblock him on fet. I said I'd agree to friends, and he proceed to pull all kinds of manipulative crap in the course of one conversation -- still saying he wanted a lifestyle partner to which I asked why I'd want that now when I already turned down that same offer from the same guy months ago. I called him out on his refusal to compromise or adjust anything in his life, because I'm worth more than his leftover crumbs. He said how not many guys would drive out to the city I'm moving to and again I laughed -- does he think that a college town is devoid of men? No, most guys from the burbs probably wouldn't drive out there which is why I'm not dating at the moment and will find one out there if I want one. Fuck, with as young as I look I could probably have my pick of frat guys. I'm like that was manipulative implying I should settle for my last chance, and it wasn't subtle or accurate. Do better if you want to con me.

I'm so not interested in men. They continually disappoint me, with one exception who sadly lives too far away for more than occasional sexting and being an exceptional friend.

The ghost can start passing me right on. I can't think of a man I've dated that I feel the urge to test drive again. Thanks but I finally figured out that chasing my mistakes won't undo them and the time I spent is a sunk cost, and trying to recoup sunk costs has never ended well for anyone.

[songmingisthighs]

i'm ranting here idc lmao skip if you don't wanna know the crap my mom pulled on me

so she suddenly came into my room asking me if i wanted to go to Starbucks and i said no bc... i don't want to go? THEN she suddenly went like (m: mom, s: smt)

m: why are you like this?

s: like what?

m: you changed. you're not like this usually

s: like what?

m: torturing yourself

s: who said i'm torturing myself?

m: well you're not talking and you seem to not want to connect to people

s: says who??? (literally i talk to meimei and my other sister all the damn time and I'm literally talking to my ex again so jokes on her) and i don't talk because there is nothing to talk about (and bc i can't talk to her about anything bc she cuts my words all the damn time and changes topics to whatever she wants to talk about and doesn't care about things that interest me??? does that seem like a conversation or relationship i wanna maintain ?? and my dad literally criticize me all the damn time because i have a headphone. I'm basically being bullied. not an hour ago, when they thought i couldn't hear them talking, my dad made YET ANOTHER COMMENT about me wearing my headphones despite me working on my freelance task which is doing translation which i can do unlike him who supposedly went to school in America and didn't even know that 'marital' is another word for marriage and literally had to come to me whenever he wants to spellcheck or translate a whole copy for his company as if google translate and Grammarly doesn't exist)

m: why so?

s: idk? because there just isn't anything to talk about?

m: well don't be like this

F Y TO THE FUCKING I, i "changed" because if i remember correctly (which i do, i have excellent recall skills but shit attention skills) i was criticized by my whole damn family INCLUDING AND ESPECIALLY HER, MY MOM because i was loud and as they told me, "girls shouldn't be loud and boisterous, that's unlady like." YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS UNLADY LIKE ???? REMINISCING ABOUT BREASTFEEDING AT A FOOD COURT IN SINGAPORE, TALKING ABOUT PUSSIES IN PUBLIC, SENDING A PICTURE OF AN ABALONE TO A FAMILY GROUPCHAT WITH NOT JUST PARENTS BUT CHILDREN AND SAYING "THIS LOOKS LIKE MY PUSSY HAHA" (my aunt did this not my mom or else i would've kms immediately), AND SAYING "I WANT TO TAKE A PISS" (but in a disgusting, uneducated Indonesian vernacular) OUT LOUD IN PUBLIC. i might not be the girliest girl, but when I'm in public, i have class. it's low but it's still above her

literally she only "cares" about me when my biological older sister is not around and another FYI, my biological older sister doesn't even seem interested in having me as a sister ??? never has been ??? i changed ??? no bitch, my mom changed when my sister is not around. my sister was in Singapore for like a month and during that time, she kinda paid more attention on me? BUT AS SOON AS MY SISTER RETURNS every single time she asked me if i want to go out is ALWAYS for my sister. "you wanna go out? we're taking your sister to the dentist" "wanna go out? your sister wants to go to (some damn nerd) camera convention (filled with sleazy people)" "wanna go out? we're going to pick your sister up from her hangout" G 0 R L TAKE A GUESS WHY I DON'T WANNA GO OUT. and last night, she came to my room to say 'you look pale, you need to get some sun' a. i have heat allergy in which my skin will itch bad if it's exposed to the dirty ass fucking air in this polluted country and sun which ofc she wouldn't remember bc she doesn't think my medical issues are real including my asthma, b. I'm part german and part chinese-indonesian, TAKE A DAMN GUESS WHY I'D LOOK PALE

and no, i'm not petty, i'm not butthurt, i just don't wanna spend my precious time talking about some damn stupid tiktok trend or going out only to spend the majority of time deciding where to go to and then going there just to sit around and do nothing ??

this shit is barely .01% of the whole crap that happened. even my therapist could only say 'get as far away as you can if you wanna start healing' and bitch I'm starting now, I'm distancing myself from shit that can bring my mental health to a worse place

and another another fyi, i've been depressed for WEEKS now but i have functional depression and if i try to explain that to her, she'll try to convince me that it's all in my head and that it only "feels" like so because I "convinced" myself i have that and that the only way i can remedy it is by going out and interact with people

a. she's an economy major who never used her "knowledge" so what the fuck does she know about mental health or biology or heck even psychobiology when it took me bashing my head into the wall to finally take my mental condition seriously

b. literally she doesn't even know me well enough to understand my situation she should consider just not act like she knows anything because she so fucking doesn't, she's wrong 8/10 times it's actually borderline funny hearing her make out-of-pocket reaches lmao

[hislittleraincloud]

I'm half tempted to tell a fan "NEVER!!!" to their question of when my next chapter is coming.

I'd do it because I've already told the people over at AO3 that if they want updates on my work and progress of my work, to follow this blog.

I don't think they're following this blog.

Like srsly, I know that it's been a month since the last chapter. But unless I want the story to go to complete shit and watch all the work I've done just implode because of terrible writing or missing/misplaced scenes (like what happened w Chapter 6 Part 1), I said a million times, I'm not going to rush it.

While this main story is written, there are huge gaps and missing scenes still in my head and notes. I have had to draw a fucking map of the sequence of events so my story can fit in there with the fewest leaps of logic/thought, though I have to weave around the show's leaps of logic too, and for 7 and 8, that's a big thing.

But for those in the back:

Chapters 7 and 8 correlate with Episodes 7 and 8, which I find were rushed and terribly written (I'm not alone in this thinking). The first half of Chapter 7 takes place during the few days between AB Wednesday's breakdown and Mayor Walker's funeral, because funerals like that don't happen overfuckingnight like the show made it seem. There's not going to be much, if any, sex in it...or even direct interaction between Donovan and Wednesday (unless in flashbacks/memories); that will happen in Chaoter 7 Part 2. And I realize it's late in the game, but Chapter 7 as a whole will introduce action with two new characters (one canon, another purely Afterburn). I gotta do what I'm doing if the story's going to continue smoothly into After the Burn.

I won't let any rushing of half-assedness happen to my preciously perverted (😉) fic, its headers, or its extras (including more music and audio work).

And I don't want to pull the Poor Me card, but I have chronic illnesses (four regular hard meds...weed also helps). Sometimes it's hard for me to find the energy to feed myself (I forgot to feed myself the other day 🫣). But the one thing I haven't stopped doing since at least April (though my rough outline of the story goes back to about mid-March/around St. Patrick's Day) is write/create, and it's the first writing I've done since I got bashed. I often fall asleep with my phone in my hand and it scares me because I'm always in my Google Drive and I'm afraid I'll some day accidentally delete shit.

No wonder AO3 authors go nuts. I never had this problem here. I have a whole damn story on another fandom/Tumblr and never felt pressured to crap out the next installment.

Irritated now. Here, have Afterburn Wednesday from my Chapter 3 just for shits:

Obviously I wouldn't just tell them NEVER and not follow up w/a jk...bc I'm not a total asshole. Most of the time.

[songbirdstew]

(this is in response to the most demented thing you guys got in trouble for in school post, but it got really long for a reblog)

In kindergarten, I got in trouble for calling Jesus' disciples stupid. "Why did they need so much proof? He just woke up after being dead for three days. Why did he even need to say anything? If his wounds were still bleeding, why didn't they give him any bandaids??"

In first grade, my friend Rex hid in the coat closet and I got in trouble for laughing. Baby's first detention! I was sent to the classroom next door to serve it, and when that teacher asked me what I was doing there, I told her honestly, "I have no idea."

In fourth grade, during silent reading, my friend was making silly faces, and I couldn't help laughing at her. By coincidence, there was a group of students reading out loud in unison in the hallway, and my teacher thought I was laughing at them. She asked me if I had a good excuse, and I just shook my head and sighed, bc I knew she wouldn't believe me even if I tried to explain (and I didn't want to get my friend in trouble, too. Bros before hos.)

And then there were the times I got in trouble for being a good kid.

In ninth grade, I was quietly erasing swastikas and shit someone else had drawn all over my desk, when the teacher barked at me, "I hope you plan on erasing all of that!" I was like, "…. Yes. Yes, I do. Duh?"

In tenth grade, the marching band director asked me to run the attendance list up to the office for him. On my way back to the field, the assistant director screeched at me at the top of his lungs for being out of place. I was like, "And that's why you're the assistant." He didn't hear me, he was still screeching.

Also in tenth grade, my friend had her hand up to ask a question for like 15 minutes and our teacher kept ignoring her, so I put my hand up, too. He called on me right away and I said, "Kristen has a question." and he kicked me out of class for… being disrespectful? I was like, "That goes both ways, sir. PEACE OUT."

From tenth through twelfth grades, I was also on yearbook and the lit journal and we often had to pull students out of class for those, for interviews and photos etc. And some teachers were NOT cooperative and they would take it out on Us. The Children. instead of our Adult advisors who told us to do it. It was usually the male sports coaches who would blow up at me for this. The basketball coach snarled at me, "You don't interrupt my class for this crap! This has nothing to do with school!" and I said, "I would argue that creative writing has more educational value than bouncing a rubber ball up and down, but what do I know. shrug"

Whenever a teacher wouldn't release a student for us, we had to fill out a slip explaining why to our advisor. On one of these, I just wrote, "Mr F is a prick." after a similar incident with a different coach. A little later, one of my buddies told me, "Just so you know, Advisor is writing you a referral." Advisor was a total fucking flake; we knew it, and she knew we knew. She didn't even tell me herself she was giving me a referral. I never pursued it. Didn't serve it. Nothing happened.

I got a lot of those during this time, detentions and referrals (no suspensions), and I just ignored them all. Never served. Nothing ever happened. I learned in Baby's first detention in the first grade that the adults have no idea what is happening, the rules are made up, and the punishments are arbitrary.

I never really got in trouble for the actually demented things I did. I punched more than one kid in middle school and never got so much as a reprimand for any of that, not even when the one kid reported me. Maybe bc it was usually in PE and it was only ever a bully. Ms Gibbles was one of the good ones. (Not her real name.)

[wendytestabrat]

why kyle is pulled towards cartman

something i’ve learned in my short life when it comes to friendships and relationships is that people don’t attract what they want. you attract what you are. period. whatever you believe about yourself gets mirrored back to you in the relationships you attract and manifest into your life, so if you think that you’re a piece of shit then you’re gonna find yourself surrounded by other pieces of shit. period. kyle can try all he wants to end up in those healthy relationships with girls and shit who are not like cartman, but there’s a reason why all of kyle’s romantic relationships fail and blow up in his face every time LMAO. kyle is insecure as hell, so that’s why he surrounds himself with cartman 24/7 bc he doesn’t think he deserves any better than that and he’s a piece of shit too, so ofc the one person kyle finds himself around the most is gonna be an exact mirror reflection to him of what he views about himself. i swear all these bitches always be like “how can you support kyman it’s so toxic and abusive!1!1!” 😩 well that’s just the truth toxic people like to surround themselves with other toxic people LOL. unless kyle decides to do some major reflection and make some changes in his life, which he should but probably won’t, he’s not gonna find himself out of this abusive situation. i remember when my life was trash and i was depressed my standards were low af for the people i had in my life LMAOOOO but the more confident i’ve gotten and improved my life i attract healthier people in my life now who add value and operate on my level. which is something i’ve honestly realized even more recently, like the more and more improvements i keep making into my life, the more good relationships god keeps sending to me. so kyman rlly isn’t a matter of like why tf are they together if one or the other is being absusive, the question i ask is why tf are these two making these crappy decisions that lead them to being stuck with each other LOL. bc we’ve seen repeatedly throughout the show when both cartman and kyle attempt a relationship outside of themselves it fucking fails. with cartman he couldn’t keep heidi bc of how abusive and manipulative he was to her and with kyle he can’t even get one girl to stay with him bc of his attachment issues LOL (kyle’s prob the avoidant attachment type) so what fucking difference does it make if you decide to pair cartman or kyle up with some other girl other than the girls they’ve already attempted to date LOL it’ll just end in the same results, there’s no magical switch that can turn a toxic person into a healthy one just by getting in a different relationship with someone. i mean sure choosing to surround yourself with more positive people is a step in the right direction but you have to do the work yourself to make yourself better, no one can fix you or save you PERIOD. so with cartman & kyle being the crap people they are i’d rather them end up together than corrupt someone who’s perfectly nice and innocent like they did to heidi like honestly she didn’t deserve to get put in the middle of their drama LOL.

[falinscloaca]

content warning discussions of fictional incest and also my brain going on a god damn marathon talking about bullshit discourse social vigilance crap

is reminded of the existence of incest (baki is just. the fucking most. i wasn’t even surprised this shit bleeds freud it would probably beat him up and create its own psychological philosophy. freud two: get wrecked idiot.)

brain enters surveilance mode, realizing i haven’t actually trimmed the weeds of my internet circles in a fucking age and a half. goes to twitter switches the search to “followed only” or whatever and then has to do it again AFTER inserting the buzzword because i’m a dipshit and this interface is too. mostly just finds people offhandedly mentioning bad shit other people are doing, or anger that a promising yuri turned out to be about sisters/cousins/parent-coded-robot-mechanic/etc. the usə (yoo-sh/j, short for usual, hard to convey in text). also someone pointing out that the halimede t4t bit IS effectively just another fucking incest joke. (also somethingsomething popular trans women who were made lolcows or otherwise harassed/discriminated against for unrelated reasons also getting flack FROM OTHER TRANS WOMEN <- CRUCIAL DETAIL for incest kink participation/endorsement/adjacency/etc. that shit i very much enjoy ignoring bc my personal kinda fuckhuge massive problems with the fetishization of such contents is still dwarfed by Systemic Injustice And Transphobia. theres nothing satisfying much less ‘good’ or ‘just’ about someone with a simulative skeleton or two in their closet facing unfair ramifications for completely unfuckingrelated shit. sigh. anyway.) THIS WHOLE FUCKING THIS STARTED AS AN ASIDE FROM MY MAIN POINT *GOD* WHEN I GET LIKE THIS MY MOUTH/HANDS ARE UNSTOPPABLE now that i think about it mom also tends to do this when she gets upset about something more abstract/media-related. huh. i should be more patient with her about that. ANYWAYS I WAS GOING THROHGH <- typo left in for “authen ticity” POSTS FROM PEOPLE I FOLLOW THAT MENTION INCEST. A COMPLETELY NORMAL THING TO DO THAT ISN’T EMBARASSING TO EVEN ADMIT TO WITH THE CONDITION “SO THAT I COULD UNFOLLOW/BLOCK/BRAND FOR EXECUTION ANYBODY WHO CONDONED THAT SHIT” LMFAO. sorry for all caps. it will continue.

SOME NOBODY LAST YEAR WAS PULLING ‘lol yeah writing incest just to make antis mad instead of the characters actually having chemistry is soooo lame haha i’ve got that good stuff 😘😘’ TO SOMEONE ELSE THEYRE FOLLOWING AND I. GOD I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW WHY I’D BEEN FOLLOWING THEM. LIKE THEY WERE FOLLOWING TWO OTHER MUTUALS OF MINE. WHO THE PISS WERE YOU WHERE DID I MEET THIS ABSOLUTE CATASTROPHE

[neonstatic]

it is march now, which is when i said that i'd decide whether or not to proceed with braidlocs.

well, i have combed those braids out.

it was quite easy, considering that i've neglected the crap out of my hair for the last 2 months or so. i was supposed to wash every 2 weeks and moisturise frequently enough. i washed on time (mostly) (turns out journalling helps) but i have spent weeks not even sprinkling water on my scalp. so that is a testament to how much i don't want to take care of my hair. or rather, how little energy i have for that. nevertheless, my shit has Grown. like maybe it's bc i haven't seen it loose in a while but i could tell even in braids that i had a lot of regrowth, and had i loced them up properly that would've been even more visible. so i have to say that braiding your hair and letting it be is a stupidly good way to get some nice growth. sometimes you just have to leave it alone.

while i love the fro, i can't exactly sport it all the time. i would if i could. i just wish i had hair i could just... wake up in. i always have to do smth. i don't dislike my hair i just find it tiring to keep up with. bitch is high maintenance.

and i don't like how i look hair-wise rn like i have in a high bun which i've told looks real nice and cute but i see myself in the mirror and it doesn't feel right. there was a time where i was a spacebun girlie but this ver of me is gone. and i'm not a high bun lady. i'm more of a um. low bun nun. imma try that cus i can already feel myself getting tired of having hair :/ i got an event coming up and i'm already stressed abt what i'll do w myself cus w the braids on i could just put my wig on ykno quick easy effortless. now i gotta. i gotta DO my hair? water it comb it brush it pull and push and heat and all? kill me lmao

i Love wearing durags 24/7 it looks so good on me i have the face for it. i might just keep braiding my shit and covering it up w headscarves. cus i can't see myself cutting off all of this growth. this is 4 yrs of hard work of going natural and embracing my hair... i will push thru....i can do it.....

[melancholy-menagerie]

pt. 1 of (??) -- shippy fic/idea prompts

Two roommates but they’ve barely interacted since co-habituating -- one night there’s a huge thunderstorm and Muse A turns out to be a serious astraphobic and sort of freaks out bc of the storm - they have big anxiety and start shaking n stuff, so Muse B just spontaneously pulls them into their bed with them, and spoons them tightly, and it works?? Eventually Muse A gets lulled to sleep by Muse B’s attempts at soothing, and later Muse A reflect on how no one ever rly had done something like that for them before, and decides to show their gratitude by calling Muse B out for breakfast together...

Out on a road-trip with some friends, and Muse A & Muse B who are always arguing and giving each other crap, (ofc) somehow end up having to share a hotel room & (also ofc) there’s only one usable bed -- Muse A is trying to play it off and not have things be awkward but Muse B isn’t making it easy, and are deliberatly making things more tense, and if they aren’t going to shut up n stop looking so damn smug, its gonna be a long night ahead...

Stuck in a log cabin overnight during a snowstorm (bc of some stupid team building exercise or smth) it’s freezing and Muse A can’t sleep and Muse B can hear them shivering/teeth chattering in the next bed over so they offer to climb in with Muse A n bring their blanket; Muse A then thinking how they’d never noticed til then that, good grief, is Muse B hot, in every sense of the word...

Muse A & Muse B, who are strangers to each other, just happened to both have been in the restroom at the time, when the building (maybe its a bank/store?) was surrounded by agents bc apparently now everyone inside is being held hostage; except nobody else knows/ has realized those two are there, since they’re still in the bathroom, but they can hear the shit going down just outside the door... so now what?

Muse A tried to use the self-check out when buying one of those tubes of ‘personal’ lubricant (for what reason exactly is optional) but then the machine froze mid transaction and Muse B was the employee that got called to come and help them out, but it turns out they actually know each other from some shared college classes/shared friends & now they’re both mortified and awkward...

Muse A and Muse B hate each other, and then they find out they’re supposed to be pre-destined “soul-mates”, and their automatic reaction is rage and wanting to throw hands with the well-established, reputable business/service that sent the results -- time to hit up every other joint with the hope of finding a different result...

Muse A is a prince/ss and Muse B is a servant; they’re not supposed to hang out/be friends, but they do anyway in secret -- but suddenly, oops, they eventually start to realize maybe they like each other as more than just friends... but given their positions, falling for each other can’t end very well (unless?) ...

Muse B has signed on to become Muse A’s pupil/apprentice in spite of not having much natural talent for the job bc they admire Muse A, and it just so happens Muse A thinks Muse B is v attractive... in fact, they’re proving to be more of a distraction than an asset, so Muse A, who had initially sensed Muse B’s crush on them having been their main reason for taking up the position, decides to ask them to stay after work for a chat; but in reality its more of an excuse to get them alone after hrs...

Muse A and Muse B have a one night stand, or at least intended to, but later find out that their siblings/best friends are dating each other, so they’re stuck having to hang out too; ofc there’s inevitable awkwardness, and they try to avoid each other when possible, while keep their previous encounter a secret. But he more they spend time together, the more they start to genuinely get along and even manage to become friends -- eventually, they find they’re even getting a little jealous when the other goes on dates, but they both deny their feelings and fight against the realization that they rly fell for each other...

Muse A and Muse B have been long time neighbors, their apartments are face to face on the highest floor of their building; in summer it can get pretty hot up there, so they started leaving their doors open to more fresh air in. This eventually led to several agreements about what music should be playing (since it could be heard in both apartments, when their doors are left open), getting their pets to get along, or leaving snacks out for the other’s pet sometimes, etc. In time, their apartments had basically morphed into one, with the constantly open doors making it easy to get from Muse A’s place, to Muse B’s place to borrow things, or having joint mealtimes, lending each other help with daily tasks, changing the radio channel, or else cooking in one or the other’s kitchen together bc the afternoon sun was burning right into their own living room. They don’t realize that they were basically living together until Muse A suddenly starts to actually date someone, and Muse B finds themself faced with a closed door for the first time in ages...

[galaxycunt]

for any fallout oc(s) you may have!

How do they feel about people from before the war?

Where are they from?

What faction(s) are they currently a part of?

What faction(s) have they been a part of in the past?

ooo I’m doing both Elena (fo4) and Rachel (new vegas)

-Elena is prewar herself so she loves hanging out with the other prewar ghouls bc she can actually hold a conversation with them lol she can find the sunny side to her new life but as bad as America used to be she wants it back so so so much.

-Rachel has some passing interest but she only knows bits and pieces. I feel people on the west coast kinda moved on better than east coast people. She’s very whatever about the old world it’s mostly something to explore for fun n sell crap

-Elena is from Boston, she got the heavy accent n everything lmao

-Rachel is from New Reno. (Side note I’m also from Reno so it’s fun for me lmao I’m pretending new reno got similar local shit)

-Elena is with the Railroad and it’s small enough of an operation that she enjoys it. She works with the Minutemen whenever Preston needs extra hands, I don’t make her a general she’s not about that life. But if General Garvey needs it she’ll do it.

-Rachel is more into the idea of independent Vegas since that’s kinda where Reno is and she’s like well it works for us! She helps the followers and likes them enough that she tells Veronica to go for it (no spoilers) she gets pulled into it and goes along with the ncr at first because she just wants Benny boy dead and thinks she can find him around there lol

They don’t really have past factions? I guess unless you point the postal service being a faction lmao Rachel also done some side gigs for various people and crime families. She’s a hustler.

Elena in the old days used to be part of a non profit for helping Chinese Americans get their rights back. In her youth she was totally in some DSA type groups that put her on a list when it was super benign lol

[nathanialhowe]

my life is such chaotic hell right now all you can do is laugh

[thatjadedhotmess]

nightmares

pairings/characters: kaeya alberich, diluc ragnvindr, albedo kriedeprinz x gn!reader [all of them are seperate !]

warnings⚠️: skin to skin contact (hugging), nothing I can think of tbh other than that please lmk if I need to add anything !:3

synopsis: what they do when your having a nightmare

wc: 0.8k ~

note: this hc was my first version for nightmares [I posted the 2nd/harbinger version first tho bc I couldnt resist it hohoho] hence why its considerably shorter than the one with the harbingers [which you can check out here !] as always feel free to give me feedback and likes and rbs are greatly appreciated !:) <3

kaeya alberich (凱亞)

☁︎︎ hugs you until you fall back asleep.

☁︎︎ you wake up frantic one night from a nightmare that had you drenched in cold sweat, your heavy breathing loud as it echoed through the otherwise quiet room.

☁︎︎ thank god you hadn't woken him up. After the long day he had with the knights you really didn't want to disturb him from some much needed sleep he was missing out now. ☁︎︎ tearing the blanket off yourself you quickly making your way to the toilet to wash your face, trying to get rid of the memories from the nightmare.

☁︎︎ you padded back to your shared bed, tucking yourself in as quietly as you could in an attempt to go back to sleep. what you didn't expect though was to feel kaeya's hands wrap themselves around your waist, pulling you close to him.

☁︎︎ "are you alright dear?"

☁︎︎ shit. crap he woke up. you tried to turn to face him, sputtering out apologies for waking him up.

☁︎︎ though, instead of doing anything, he snuggled up against your back and pulled the blanket securely over you guys.

☁︎︎ "don't worry about me, are you… ok? do you want to talk about it?"

☁︎︎ even when he was exhausted from a day full of paperwork and teaching new knights how to fight, he somehow found the energy to try and start a conversation with you. at 2.43 in the morning no less.

☁︎︎ "of course kaeya, im ok. it was just a bad dream that's all, go back to sleep it's so late."

☁︎︎ "once im sure you're ok, only then can i sleep in peace. good night dear."

diluc ragnvindr (迪盧克)

☁︎︎ wakes you up to soothe you

☁︎︎ it's not the first time his witness someone have nightmares, (he's seen kaeya have nightmares in the past) but he doesn't think he's seen anyone with nightmares this bad

☁︎︎ he realised you were having a nightmare when you started to shift around in his arms and mumbles what sounds like a please, no, don't. please.

☁︎︎ he doesn't immediately wake you up though. he wants to make sure that you're actually having a nightmare before that (otherwise you'd be losing sleep)

☁︎︎ he confirmed that you were having a nightmare when you started kicking off the blankets and almost smacked his face with your arm.

☁︎︎ "hey… hey y/n wake up, wake up-"

☁︎︎ ah shit. you just had another one of those nightmares and you were currently drenched in cold sweat as you tried to slow your breathing, quickly realising diluc was awake and the one that had woken you up as you got more aware of your surroundings.

☁︎︎ Ah. It was probably him who woke up from the nightmare again.

☁︎︎ "it's ok y/n, I got you. you're ok." he said as he moved nearer to you, leaning his forehead against your own.

☁︎︎ you hugged him, tight, not wanting to let go of him. afraid that whatever happened in your dream might come through.

☁︎︎ "i'm not leaving ok. no ones leaving you darling, you're safe."

albedo kriedeprinz (阿貝多)

☁︎︎ he wakes you up and offers you a potion he made

☁︎︎ that day you were together with him at his campsite at the foot of dragonspine

☁︎︎ as we all know, albedo is very… observant.

☁︎︎ he noticed [almost since the start] that you had frequent nightmares; whether you were aware of it or not, he frequently saw you flinch in your sleep and let out small whines of discomfort and it pained him to see you in that state

☁︎︎ because of this, he would often time wake up in the middle of the night for you so that he could shake you out of your nightmare

☁︎︎ but he knew that wasn't efficient for the both of you so he decided (with your consent) to try and experiment a little. making concoctions in hopes that it would hopefully help with the bad dreams

☁︎︎ he had brought you along with him and klee once to the outskirts of mondstadt to go forging for some local plants and herbs

☁︎︎ you had to say that was blast, seeing the pair bond and they helped you to the best of their ability, it was so sweet of them

☁︎︎ he sat you up, walking over to his table where a vial of purple liquid reast

☁︎︎ "thank you albedo." you said after drinking the bittersweet liquid, barely above a whisper with a droopy smile on your face, showing your gratitude towards him.

☁︎︎ it wasn't long before you fell back asleep. he laid you back down on bed, pressing a kiss on your forehead and then your lips.

☁︎︎ "sweet dreams my love."

[iheartlexihoward]

vulnerable (pt 1) // fez

*･゜ﾟ･* summary: fez turns up at your window not wanting to talk about some "fucked up shit" that just happened, and you're the only person he could even think of being with right now.

*･゜ﾟ･* pairing: fez x reader

*･゜ﾟ･* cws: drug addiction, rue being a mess, regular euphoria type shite

this is part 1 of this series! find the rest of the parts in my masterlist

ok so i set out to write a fez blurb that was super chill and like 500 words but i ended up feeling very inspired so now i have an outline for a whole fic ... i thought this was kinda a good place to leave it bc it sets everything up for the characters so pls let me know ur thoughts! i haven't posted my writing in literally about 4 years so this is makin me kinda nervous

also i just came up w the title last minute but now it's making me think of tinashe's vulnerable so... maybe demon time inspired by that song is on the way

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It was gone midnight when your attention was taken from the soft glow of the TV by the persistent bzz bzz of your phone. From the sounds of it, you’d gotten at least 3 texts. Furrowing your brow, you stretched and grabbed it, tapping the screen to wake the device up.

From: fez :)

Hey

You up?

Some real fucked up shit just happened

Can I come over

To: fez :)

is everything okay??

what happened

and yeah of course, where are you?

From: fez :)

It’s ok now don’t worry

Outside to be honest wit you lol

You shot up and straightened yourself out slightly. It wasn’t like Fez hadn’t seen you in worse states than cozied up in sweats and a white tank top — God, far from it — but somehow, knowing he was right outside your house made you nervous. You made your way over to the window and slightly pulled back the curtain, giving the boy a wave and tight smile when he immediately looked upwards.

You’d met Fez years before. Your little sister was best friends with Lexi Howard, and in turn you’d met Rue through her. Then Fezco through Rue. Although, it wasn’t really for the first time.

It was almost funny how it all went down, really. After Rue’s dad passed, Lexi and your sister were becoming painfully aware of her mounting drug issues; she was high at school, high in front of parents, near passing out in other people’s bathrooms. It hurt your soul to see your baby sister and Lexi, who you’d come to view like one, constantly in tears fretting over if their best friend was going to take it too far.

But what hurt even more was seeing the state in which Rue was. You cared about her. You knew how much fun the three of them had together, hearing them laughing downstairs at a movie long after they should have been asleep or FaceTiming one another after school. Even when they were over doing homework together, you could hear them nonstop giggling and goofing around. They made each other happy, and Rue’s addiction was tearing the dynamic apart. It was tearing Rue apart.

That’s why you made the decision to find out who the fuck was selling her the drugs, walk down there and very sternly tell them they had no choice but to cut her off — that you were the only older figure who knew, and that you weren’t going to take no for an answer.

But of course it was fucking Fezco.

You’d known him for an extremely long time. He was in your grade during elementary and some of middle school, until he seemingly disappeared off the face of the Earth for a little bit. Kids made all sorts of stupid rumors; that he’d moved to Ireland, that he’d died in a tragic car accident, that he’d been removed and sent to some kind of military boarding school. The truth was a lot sadder, and not fully explained to you until years later.

You always knew all of that shit wasn’t true, anyway. Fez was never unpopular, everyone liked him, but he just didn’t associate himself with the hierarchy and politics crap that festered in every school. That’s why you had the courage to speak to him in the first place. You were never technically friends, but you knew him. He was the only person you’d let cheat off of you in History. He was modest, but he had an air of wisdom about him even as a kid. He was smart, too smart for his own good — smart in a way where he couldn’t fully grasp it. And he was so goddamn kind.

It started getting out a few months after Fez left school that he was dealing drugs. You didn’t remember ever being particularly shocked. When you knew him, it always seemed like he wasn’t telling something. You never held it against him, despite the D.A.R.E. programs, despite every adult in your life telling you that drugs were the devil. You knew he must have had his reasons.

You didn’t see him again until the day you strode down to his store, mustering every ounce of confidence and poise you had to give.

Well… technically you had seen him, in the literal sense. You weren’t a recluse — you went to parties, and he’d usually be standing outside or smoking on a couch somewhere. You gave it your utmost to steer clear of him, to keep his current presence in your life a flash of blue eyes or a rumble of his voice from across the room. You didn’t really know why you felt such intense need to avoid him. It was like you wanted to keep him as nothing but an urban legend, memories of the young boy you once knew tucked away.

That’s why it made it all the more difficult.

The second you walked up to the cash desk and he looked up, face hardened from too-young years of doing what he did but with a tenderness so familiar to you, you softened. Every intention of storming up and giving him the telling-off of the century (which, in hindsight, would have looked ridiculous anyway seeing as you were the same age) went flying out the window.

“Hey.” His voice was deeper than you could have imagined from the snippets of conversation you’d heard him in. “What can I get you?”

“Um…” you began, trying to silently compose yourself. “Actually, I don’t need anything from here.”

“Aight… then… what you here for?”

“It’s about Rue.”

He looked down and slightly furrowed his brow, as if he already knew what was coming.

“Listen, I know what she’s been doing,” you continued. “My sister’s friends with her and Lexi. We’re all really fucking worried about her, and I know I’m the only one who’s going to come down here and say anything.”

Fez didn’t respond, just flitted his eyes slowly, avoiding eye contact.

“She’s not my fucking sister or whatever but I think we all know what’s coming, and I don’t want to have to watch it. She means the world to those two, and none of us want to have to see her… you know… like… overdose or some shit.”

He still didn’t say anything, the silence driving you to yammer on anxiously.

“So, yeah… what I’m saying is, I want you to cut her off. Like, for real.”

A beat passed before Fezco spoke. He looked up, scrunching one eye slightly at you. “Didn’t we go to school together?”

“Fez, what the fuck does that have to do with anything?”

He blew air out through his nose, avoiding eye contact once more. “You know my name. So yeah… we did.”

“Fez, you’re like the number one dealer in the fucking area. A lot of people know your name. I’m talking about serious shit right now.”

“I remember you,” he continued, as if you hadn’t said anything. But he wasn’t ignoring you — he’d carefully waited until you were done, taking in your words. “When you came up in here, thought I recognized your face.”

You were visibly almost flabbergasted, the way he listened to your worries yet disregarded them in the same breath getting deep under your skin, earlier fire returning. “Okay?”

He took a deep breath, pulling a pre-rolled joint out and placing it between his lips.

“Listen, man…” Fezco lit up and inhaled deeply. “Thing is with Rue… I care about her too.”

“Then why the hell do you—“ you gestured wildly, Fez cutting you off before you could finish.

“I know she fucks around. But if she doesn’t get her shit from me, she’ll get it from somewhere else… know what I’m sayin’?”

You quieted down, absorbing his words.

“And I know these people. I deal with these people every fuckin’ day. And they not the type of people I want Rue gettin’ her shit from… you understand?”

You swallowed, somewhat embarrassed at your earlier outburst. “Yeah.”

“Listen… I understand you gettin’ upset about it and wantin’ to come talk to me, but I’m just tryna' look out for her. Just like you. These other people… you don’t know what the fuck’s in their shit. I’m not tryna’ watch her die. Just like you.”

Your lungs filled deeply with air. He was right. It seemed so one-track earlier… but then it hit you. Rue was an addict. And if an addict can’t get something from one place, they’ll get it from another. At least with Fezco, they both knew what it was she was getting.

And in that moment, you understood him.

Maybe that’s why you and Fez grew closer over the next couple of years. Mutual understanding. You bonded over your care for Rue initially, but it grew into something different. Not a relationship — neither of you wanted to push any boundaries — but you knew that the connection you shared was special.

You knew the way you’d call each other in the middle of the night, spewing any bullshit excuse to hear each other’s voice, was something else. Or the way you’d get tipsy and latch onto him at parties, pretending you just wanted to smoke and ending up way too high because you couldn’t keep up. Or the way that one time, on one of the latter occasions where you’d tried to out-smoke him and ended up hearing colors, you leaned into him, held his hand and told him he was the prettiest boy you’d ever seen.

He’d just blushed and muttered something along the lines of, ‘you high as fuck right now chill’, but the situation left a warm feeling in your heart and a fluttering in your stomach.

Maybe all of it is why in that moment, where Fezco felt his most vulnerable, you were the only person he wanted to be with.