#so when my family asks what I’m doing in the city tmrw

[bunibelles]

I can’t believe pride month is almost done :’D

[mallowstep]

(dark room, red light)

"Do you think we count as first generation college students?" Mothpaw asks, staring at the application.

"Feathertail's working on her degree," Hawkpaw says. "And Stormheart has one."

"Yeah, but — does that count?"

"Looking it up," Frogpaw calls. He's staring intently at his phone. "According to this, our biological parents are what matters."

None of them say anything.

* * *

They moved rooms as a tenth birthday present. Stormheart slept in Stonefur's room until the basement was done being finished for him and Shadepelt, and Frogpaw took his old room.

Mothpaw moved into what was nominally Feathertail's room. There were still fragments of her mother, in the curtain and sheet choices, but there was a layer of dust on everything, and nothing else to remove.

* * *

"You can still change your mind," Stonefur says. "I don't mind driving back."

Mothpaw twists the ring around her thumb. It was a gift from him a few years ago. "No," she decides. "I'm ready to do this."

Stonefur nods. Frogpaw came a few years ago, and Hawkpaw is preparing to make what he says will be a final trip. Stonefur squeezes her shoulder. "Let's head in, then."

She's not sure what she expects. They stare at each other for a long moment, and Mothpaw is acutely aware of the conversations happening beside them.

"It's nice to finally meet you," Tigerstar says.

Mothpaw hesitates. It's not nice to meet him, she doesn't think. She's not sure why she's here, except that in a few months, she'll be in a new place, and Stonefur's standing offer to drive her several hours will be gone.

"I hear you got into college. Majoring in — biology, was it?"

He knows that's wrong. "Pre-med." Mothpaw takes a deep breath. "It's an accelerated program."

Tigerstar smiles, like he is proud of her. "And — outside of school? What do you do?"

His eyes are the same colour as hers, she realizes. They're the same honey amber she sees in the mirror every morning.

"Not much. I've volunteered at a hospital for a while. And I've been taking classes at the community college."

She looks at her hands again. Tigerstar clears his throat. "Can I ask you a question, Mothpaw?"

She nods.

"Why now?"

It's harder to answer than she expected. He waits, looking at the space between him, as if he's trying to give her time. She fights for an answer that's not, Because I wanted to know I had taken the chance. Chance of what, she's not sure.

"I'm going pretty far for college," she settles on. "Running out of chances."

Tigerstar nods, like this all makes sense. "I'd love to continue our correspondence," he says, like she writes him back. "Send me your address, won't you?"

Mothpaw doesn't answer.

* * *

Freshman year, they all had to take a class in critical thinking and current events.

Each section would present, and then debate an issue in front of the whole grade at the end of the year. Mothpaw's group worked on some mundane policy change. She didn't really care if the city enforces stricter water usage rules on companies. Maybe she should.

Hawkpaw and Frogpaw were in the same class. Their teacher was young, contentious. They prepared for a debate about gun rights. Mothpaw thought that would be the hot button issue of the year.

"When should inmates on a life sentence be offered parole?" a student read.

Mothpaw shifted in her chair. Never, she thought.

The presentation was just an overview of the issue. The debate started with, "Should Tigerstar's request for parole be granted?"

Their teacher smiled from her position as the moderator.

"He's served fifteen years," the yes side began. "With excellent behaviour. Why not let him out?"

Leafpaw squeezed Mothpaw's hand.

"He would be released into the same community he hurt," the no side argued.

"He was a respected politician for years."

"He was proven guilty in a court of law."

"Why shouldn't he get a second chance?"

"From Mistyfoot's testimony, 'The night he was reelected.' And then, after a follow-up question, 'He told me that the election was why he was celebrating. And celebration meant we were all under scrutiny. He'd beat you for the slightest misstep.'"

"From Feathertail's testimony-"

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about!" Hawkpaw shouted. He stood, livid, his fist clenched.

"Hawkpaw," a teacher said.

"You don't get to drag her name in defence of him," he seethed. "This isn't some petty corporate dispute."

Someone took Hawkpaw outside. The teacher of the class indicated for them to continue.

"From Feathertail's testimony," the student from before continued, looking far more hesitant, "in response to the question, 'When did the night of the party happen?', she said 'over the summer,' which couldn't have been his reelection."

"There's still no reason to release him into this community."

The auditorium doors opened again. The same teacher who pulled Hawkpaw out flicked the lights. "Can I have Mothpaw and Frogpaw?"

Leafpaw gave her hand another squeeze, and Mothpaw grabbed her backpack.

"We're sorry about this," the teacher said. "We didn't realize a teacher would choose something like this. Hawkpaw is waiting in the office -- we still have to call your parents-"

"Mother," Frogpaw said. "You have to call our mother."

"We have to call your mother, then, about the incident, but I'm sorry no one warned you."

"It's not right," Mothpaw said. "Hawkpaw was -- you can't get him in trouble for this! This isn't -- they're debating people's lives," she said.

"Our lives," Frogpaw said. "They're going to stand up there and debate whether we should have to-" His voice cut out.

"It's protocol," the teacher said. "The two of you can wait in the office for the rest of this section's debate."

* * *

Leafpaw slips notes into Mothpaw's locker. It's the only reason she bothers opening it.

lunch at 1 tmrw? is received on a Friday afternoon. Mothpaw answers it with a kiss on Leafpaw's cheek.

* * *

Leafpaw started spending her afternoons at Mothpaw's house in seventh or eighth grade.

"Squirrelpaw's at field hockey practice, and the house is just so lonely," she complained, until Mothpaw finally just asked Feathertail if Leafpaw could come over.

"Of course she can," Feathertail said. "Is she staying for dinner?"

But having Leafpaw in her house for the first time felt strange. They were school friends, or they spent weekend days at Leafpaw's house, or they met for a movie.

Stormheart joked about how they really did need the minivan, and Leafpaw flipped through her list of assignments. When they got to the house, Mothpaw dragged Leafpaw through a tour by the hand.

"Sorry about the whole row of photos," Mothpaw said. "Stonefur's a little obsessed."

Leafpaw giggled. It still felt weird, to have Leafpaw sitting between Mothpaw and Stormheart, to see her converse next to Mothpaw's flats and Frogpaw's sneakers, but it felt right at the same time.

* * *

"It's a strange thing," Mothpaw says, delivering a valedictorian speech, "to leave behind all you have ever known. We are all moving onto our own paths, now. Some of those paths might look similar to where we are now, but some of them won't."

She smiles at her family watching her.

"But we've all been on the same path for a while. And I think most of you-"

She faces her class for a moment, mostly to train her eyes on Leafpaw.

"I have to face forward, or the mic won't pick me up," she says, raising more laughter than she expected. "But I think most of you are thinking of all the worst moments here, and how excited you are to leave it behind. Maybe not. I think I'm allowed to say that I am."

A few more laughs this time.

"Freshman year, end of the year debates. I'm pretty sure that's on a lot of lists. When the lights in the bathroom on the third floor kept turning off too soon sophomore year. Our bus running out of gas coming home from a field trip. But we've all gone through that together."

Mothpaw takes a breath. "We've been through all of that together, and that time is ending. In a few months, I'll be apart from my brothers for the first time, and I'm not sure if I'm thrilled or terrified. And I'm supposed to have a moral, a theme, a key point, but I don't, not really. I hope we all do well. I hope we are all happy."

[bobcathoneybee]

that’s some next level catering to a yt person. reasons will become more clear as we go along for the ride. esp hurtful bc of everything going on in the last year alone. twinkie never rang more true until this year. 

one. around xmas 2020:

“whatre you doing for nye”

“oh im going out to a small gathering”

“oh with who?”

“I DONT HAVE TO TELL YOU”

“whoa. okay...” 

i was just asking since he NEVER wanted to go out to anything related to NYE in the five years. the reply was always, “YOU can go, i will be at home.” so see how i can be confused? also the spanish/grapes tradition? what happened to never not doing it? “oh last year really sucked so i dont see how doing it will help” cop out. 

two. NYE to ring in 2021:

“how does this look?”

“i think you should button it, looks more put together”

little did i know i was helping him dress to impress new girl. that in itself was just rude and so disrespectful to me. if you’re going to see someone new. figure it out yourself. 

a few days later he decides to finally tell me bc he knows he’s been acting so damn weird. but i dont think it’s bc he respects me too much (his rationale). i actually think it’s bc he feels guilty, and telling me will make HIM feel better, which was the driving factor for the previous Oct when he was not letting me pay for packing supplies and helping me pack. “it’s time (for me to start dating again)... weren’t you dating someone when you asked me about the boat noodles?” “NO. i was talking to someone and it was ONE date, which conveniently fit in the schedule while on my way home.”

three. a week before my bday:

“how was your weekend? what did you do?”

“oh K and family drove down in an RV so i was at my parents’ house”

“you went over both days?!”

“yeah”

“did you take pics of the RV or with family?”

“no” 

in retrospect, i wonder if she was intro’d to the whole family that weekend. esp after seeing the pics from first friends gathering a few weeks later (two down).

sometime this week, he tells me that he’s thinking of taking june 1 off bc he wants to take me out to lunch for my bday. my bday is 5/31. so i’m like huh, cos it’s the day after. it’s the weekend. he doesn’t like to talk to ppl on the weekend. 

four. my birthday:

bcb calls me in the morning but i miss it bc i wasn’t up yet. i called back at 230p or so and he doens’t pick up. calls me back around 430p and says he was at a bbq with some friends. 

i believe this was when my spidey senses started tingling again. i bit my tongue and didn’t ask during lunch the next day bc it would make for such an awkward ride home. and me thinking oh he spent my actual birthday with new girl. i see. 

five. convo from last week:

“whatre you doing this weekend?”

“oh i’m getting together with the guys bc it’s the first time we’re seeing each other since the pandemic started”

“ohh okay tell them i said hi!”

BET HE DID NOT TELL THEM I SAID HI. *side eye

six. social media that night, pics happened to pop up as i was doom-scrolling:

bcb likes to untag himself in things so i duno if R tagged him at all or if it was removed after he received the tag notif so that i wouldn’t see it. 

either way, i was hit in both places since it’s posted on more than one platform. 

wasn’t sure if they were still dating until i saw the pics. was finally able to put a face to the name. the name bc someone mentioned it to me thinking i knew her first AND last name. how absurd. why would i know this bit of info to begin with? maybe bcb needs to be more clear with what he’s telling his sibling about his dating life and how that relates to how he’s treating me. 

seven. thursday, 6/17:

convo #1: in the afternoon - 

“hey whatre you doing friday?”

“i’m not sure yet, why?”

“i’m having lunch with a family friend, thinking i could stop by (before my family dinner) since i’ll be in the area.”

“oh i was thinking of going to my parents house but i haven’t decided yet.”

“oh, okay”

convo #2: on my way home from dinner in the city - 

“did you decide if you’re going to your parents house tmrw?”

“i’m probably going to hang out with some friends”

“oh okay.”

realized “friends’ is codeword for new girl. 

oddities in behavior:

bought a new bike even tho he won’t use the rowing machine he purchased last summer that is LITERALLY sitting in his apt, doesn’t even need to go outside and see ppl. how many more times will he use it? not sure. it depends on how much how big the drive in proving me wrong is for this sort of thing. 

watches hockey now. NEVER watched it before nor was he super interested. seems like he picked it up recently so there’s something to talk about if nothing else. (after breaking his NYE tradition)

went to a playoff game on a WEEKDAY. HE NEVER did that. to DRIVE to LI on a weekday for that sort of thing. complained that the tix were exp ($200+ each). and i’m like then why did you get them? “well they’re for the playoffs” “oh i didnt think you even liked hockey” i’m going to guess he paid for it bc someone wanted to go, and a topic they can connect on. 

for trips and tickets to things, i usually split down the line and exclude a trip dinner or a few smaller things bc he says he got it and would like to pay for it. not sure yt ppl would offer to pay back in general. it’s an asian thing to offer/not let others always cover no matter how generous we know them to be. it’s to “not take advantage” bc we know better. and it’s considered rude to have someone else pay all the time. 

at this point, it’s the emotional part that i’m supplementing (if it’s a missing piece) bc i have no idea if hes ever talked to her in regards to concerns about his life in general or if he’s still putting up some facade and only wants her to see the presentable side.

he didnt do his usual NYE tradition of the grapes this year on top of GOING OUT to something with other ppl present. he would rather invite ppl over to his place and provide entertainment and food instead of ever going out there. that is MAJOR.i cannot even begin to explain how impt doing this is to him. but not doing it and bending over backwards already. he NEVER misses the grape thing during the countdown no matter how “bad” a year may be. it’s like him having to watch it’s a wonderful life before xmas every year. it’s a thing he does NOT miss. 

maybe it’s a mid-life crisis thing, like buying the car and then sort of regretting it bc it’s another thing to pay for so therefore has to stay at his job longer. btw, there were weird crumbs in the crevices of the front passenger seat the day after my birthday (when he picked me up), and then the whole actually voluntarily hanging out with ppl for a change. he absolutely hates being around ppl, yet he’ll do it for her. i’m sensing a pattern here for how he treats and changes for yt girl vs me and i didn’t even plan that many outings with my own friends for him to go to, max once every half year for a triple date. 

but again, it’s like when we broke up, he removes things he can control when he’s super stressed. job he cannot control so the next thing to remove was me bc he can control that. now he’s finally thinking of leaving current job bc he has a sufficient amount saved. guess who helped him itemize and estimate his sinking and emergency funds? such a clown. 

i’m done. i can’t do this anymore. it’s taking a toll on my mental health. all this walking on egg shells all the time when we speak on the phone/FT on every single workday/weekday. what C said about the situation rings true. i hope it happens. <^>

this brings me back to something i posted on my finsta:

“if you have to choose between me and her, choose her. because if you really loved me, there wouldn’t be any other choice.”

[vroomvroombaek]

15Qs tag game

tagged by 💕 @his-mochi-cheeks 💕 and 💕 @pinkbyun 💕thank youuuu💕

1. It’s your birthday! What did you ask for and did you receive it?

ahh I never ask for anything, I can never think of anything I want and it always seems too awkward to say even when I can. I just like receiving personalized gifts that clearly show the person thought of me, it makes me happy🥺

2. What was the last song or album you listened to?

Uhh I think the last song was Tiny Dancer—the Taron Egerton ver. bc I’m obsessed with the entire Rocket Man soundtrack

3. What is your go to snack when you’re hungry or bored?

Strawberries. Or takis

4. What is your morning routine?

Well I’m done with my summer class, so lately on mornings I wake up around 10am, I do my skincare routine, then I walk my dog for a bit before buying some iced coffee and going on ~2hr stroll with some family members. Then I get back home and start making breakfast. If I’m not working that day, I might just laze around and take a nap lmao

5. What mythical/cryptid creature would you be?

hmm maybe a selkie? my 5th grade music teacher would always tell stories about them, so I always loved them

6. How do you interact with somebody that you don’t like?

honestly I just smile through it. regardless of whether or not I don’t like them, I’m gonna be polite. even if they’re rude to me, I feel like being rude back and giving them a reaction is letting them win. ofc at the end of the day, this depends on how bad the situation is tho

7. How do you define a toxic person?

a manipulative person that tries to push their own views onto you and makes you question or feel bad about yourself

8. Have you ever been to a concert or fan meet type of event? If not, would you want to?

I’ve been to concerts but not fan meets. I mean, depending on the people I’d be meeting, I’d definitely want to attend a fan meet. But I wouldn’t wanna meet just any celebrity I’m a fan of, only the ones that have genuinely impacted my life.

9. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?

Uhh not really? Like I think my sign is pretty accurate with my personality, but I’m not about to make any decisions based off of it. Honestly tho, when did everyone just suddenly “know” everything about astrology?? Like how did that happen and how did I miss it? Like whenever someone comments “oh he must be a taurus” I’m just like??? wtf does that mean?? anyway all I know is that we’re all supposed to hate scorpios?

10. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), what would you want?

I guess sight? I can’t imagine not seeing, I’ve already got bad vision as is. Giving up taste is a big regret tho smh

11. Who is your favourite celebrity or idol?

guess

12. If you could talk to your favourite celebrity(s) for a limited time, what would you tell them?

if I could talk to baekhyun, idk if I’d even have the courage to find my voice lol. But if I did, I’d tell him what a positive impact he’s had on my life and I’d thank him for just being his silly, talented self. I’d tell him that I’m so proud of him and even as I get older, a part of my heart will always be reserved to support him. And I’d tell him that he should stop being so harsh with himself, that he shouldn’t focus on silly things like diets and should instead focus on being happy, because he’s already made all of us so happy. Idk man, I think about this a lot. I could honestly go on and on.

13. I’m taking you out on a date and it’s your choice. Where are we going?

amusement park!!!

14. Do you like sweet or savory foods?

Savory. I usually only eat sweet foods when I’m trying to eat my feelings

15. Do you have any band merchandise or merchandise from any of your favourite artists? If so, what?

I’m not big on merch tbh, but I have the power, city lights and super m albums. I have some baekhyun photocards that a friend gave me, a prive sweatshirt and ofc an eribong. and I wanna waste my money on some more prive shit bc I really want the pink hoodie coming out tmrw🥺

Imma taggg @cbxtual @jenmyeons @crushxiu @floralminho @gratatata-shalala @loser-dot-com @xiuminlover666 @amaranth

[hockeyisreligion]

The One That Got Away - Part 3

hey guys, so the other day when I said I have writer’s block about this story. well, I kinda lied and I kinda finished the chapter. It’s a little short. ANYWAYS, I hope you enjoy :) I start classes tmrw, ew 

the link to part 2 is here: part 2

Do you want to get coffee sometime? Was the text that Talia received from Adam the next night.

The pair had texted back and forth casually throughout the day catching up with each other a little more. They eventually agreed to get coffee the following weekend.

___

The rain was pouring that Saturday morning when Talia woke up. She meeting Adam for coffee in an hour and a little bit of her wanted to cancel to just stay cuddled up with her cat, Leo all day long. But a bigger part of Talia was excited to see Adam again, she had missed that awkward, lanky guy.

Talia was 20 minutes early for coffee with Adam. They were meeting at a spot walking distance from Talia’s apartment. Talia frequented this coffee shop quite often as it was one of her go to shops to get work done if she was able to work from home. But to Talia’s surprise as she got to the coffee shop, Adam was already there.

“I guess we both wanted to be early,” Talia comments as she spots Adam sitting at a table in the back corner.

Adam chuckles, “my workout didn’t take as long as I thought it would this morning.”

“Have you ordered yet?” Talia questions.

Adam nods, “I ordered for you as well, the barista remembered what your drink order was”

“Oh,” Talia stammers. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“It was nothing,” Adam shrugs.  

“Well, thank you anyways.” Talia gives Adam a genuine smile and the pair begin to relax, conversation flowing through them.

“So you work at a PR firm?” Adam asks Talia, in which Talia nods in response. “Are you enjoying that?”

“I love it,” Talia begins to beam. “I really seem to be fitting in at the firm and with my clients. I never thought I would doing this when I first began my degree but I so happy with how it turned out. It’s crazy how life works out like that, eh?”

Adam is just smiling at Talia, enjoying listening to her talk about her work. It seems to be something she is so passionate in.

“But what about you? Do you like Winnipeg?” Talia turns the conversation to Adam.

“I love Winnipeg, it’s such a great city.” Adam smiles. “They love their hockey and the people there are so friendly and I feel like the whole city supports us. Did you see the playoffs? The white-out is just something everyone needs to experience, its incredible.”

“I bet, it looks crazy from what I have seen on tv.”

“So you have been watching Jets games?” Adam leans in towards Talia and the small table that is separating them.

“I have watched a couple in passing.” Talia replies, leaning back in her seat.

Adam rolls his eyes playfully, “I think you just admitted to watching my games.”

“Adam,” Talia pauses. “Of course I have watched your games.”

This makes Adam suddenly quiet. “I figured that once we broke up, you would have never watched me or even hockey again.”

“Well,” Talia takes a deep breathe. “For a while, I hated hockey. Never watched it, almost resented it. But then I realized how much I missed hockey. I mean it has been apart of my life in some form since I was 5.”

“Oh.”

“And I realized that in some way I could still keep up with your life by watching your games. I realized that I missed just being around you.”

“One of the hardest things when we broke up was that I didn’t really have a reason to talk to you and keep up with your life. You had been in my life in some form since we were 7. It was hard to go from being a constant in your life to never talking.”

“Yeah, I guess you couldn’t watch me on tv a couple nights a week, eh?” Talia smiles weakly.

“No,” Adam smiles sheepishly. “I had my sister stay in touch and she let me know how you were doing.

“You could have just asked yourself,” Talia whispers.

“Yeah, well, I think that would have hurt too much.”

_______

It had been 5 days since Adam and Talia’s coffee date - well, Talia didn’t want to label it a date but since the two met up for coffee - when Talia ran into Adam and Adam’s brother, Joel at the grocery store.

Joel was the first to spot Talia. “Hey Tal.” Joel smiles, coming over to give Talia a big, warm hug.

“Oh, hey guys.” Talia accepts the hug and quickly after Adam is wrapping her up as well. “What are you guys up to?”

“Oh, we are just grabbing some things for a family barbecue we are having tomorrow tonight. Mom made us do all the shopping this year.” Joel says.

“Wouldn’t be a Lowry family barbecue without Elaine’s potato salad. Does she still make that?” Talia smiles, reminiscing of all the years she would be at Lowry barbecues and Elaine would devote hours to her potato salad.

“Got the potatoes right here,” Adam motions toward the bag of potatoes in their cart right now.

“Oh, awesome,” Talia smiles.

“Adam tells me you are working at a PR firm here, how’s that?” Joel asks.

“Great, I’m really enjoying my job.” Talia replies.

“Good, I’m glad.”

“Hey, I almost forgot congratulations on a great season this year!” Talia gives Joel another hug. Joel always will be like a brother to her, even if Adam and her are broken up.

“Thanks Tal, I’m hoping to sign with the Panthers this year, maybe make the big leagues.”

“Thats so awesome Joel, I’m so proud of you.” Talia beams. “Well, I better let you two go so you can finish up your shopping. You don’t wanna forget anything on Elaine’s list.”

“It was great seeing you again, Tal.” Adam goes in for another hug.

“Say hi to all the Lowrys’ for me, will ya?” Talia smiles, hugging Joel now.

“I will. They will be so happy we ran into you.” The three bid goodbyes and finish their grocery shopping.

Talia is back at her apartment finishing putting away her new groceries when she gets a text from Adam.

‘My brother keeps bugging me about how I didn’t invite you to the bbq tomorrow. I’m sure you're busy but if you're not, would you like to come with me? It would be just like old times.’

[cosmic-hearts]

첫눈 (the first snow) | lee felix

lee felix x female reader

genres: romance, fluff

warnings: none

this was requested by @vickyxmelonlove thank you so much for requesting this! I'm sorry that it took so long to write this and that it’s so short, but still i hope you like it :) and merry christmas everyone!! this is kind of like a christmas special hehe

foreword;

“Do you believe in it? That if you’re out in the first snow with someone you’ll find true love with that person?”

“No, it’s just plain superstition that your kdramas exploit to make money.”

Felix Lee had never been a believer in superstition.

Certainly not Korean superstition. There was one in particular, your favourite one, that he scoffed at on countless occasions whenever you told him about it— that if you’re out in the first snow with someone you’re romantically interested in, true love will blossom between you two.

Having been born and bred in Australia, it both fascinated and cracked him up that such superstitious beliefs existed. It cracked him up even further when he found out that you, an 18-year-old teenage girl only a few months younger than him, actually believed in those superstitions. He thought people his age tended to be cynical and challenge such old-fashioned notions.

That was until he met you.

He remembers the first time he met you. He had just moved to Korea, because his parents had suddenly woken up one day feeling like they needed to get back in touch with their roots, and they figured it would do him good to mingle around his Korean family more so he’d feel more connected to his Korean heritage or whatever. He was still feeling bitter about it; he missed his friends in Australia, he didn’t like Korean food, and he hated his Korean name. His relatives insisted on calling him Yongbok even though he introduced himself as Felix— apparently his English name was too exotic, too strange on the tongue to his aunts and uncles whom he never even knew existed. He had been at home while the rest of his family was out doing more visiting, feeling miserable and homesick.

The doorbell rang and he reluctantly got up, dragging himself to the door before yanking it open. He was about to say a quick ‘hi and no thank you’ in case the person were a salesman but instead it was you, a girl around his own age, your hair in pigtails, shirt so long it reached your knees.

You smiled at the handsome boy in front of you and stretched out your hand for a handshake.

“Hi, I’m Y/N. My parents heard that you guys just moved in and they asked me to invite your family over for dinner tonight.”

It was as simple as that, a mere neighborly gesture, and then you two became inseparable.  

You were the first friend he made in Korea. Since you two lived right next to each other, hangouts were as simple as Netflix and popcorn, and occasionally you forced him to watch Kdramas with you despite his vehement protests. You helped him with Korean, kept him up to date on all the latest trends and hottest hangout spots in Korea, took him out on tours of the city, and he told you stories about life in Australia.

You had been friends for three years now, and though you both would never admit it, you both knew you were best friends. You told each other your dreams, your fears, your complexes, things you never thought you’d tell a soul or even speak aloud. It’s strange how this boy who just moved from Australia could understand you better than your other friends whom you grew up with since you were in diapers.

And it was obvious how much you mattered to him; you were the first friend he made in Korea, the one who made him finally feel at home in this country. The one who extended a hand of friendship and made him feel welcome and accepted as a foreigner. Because of you, Felix stopped wishing every day that he could go back to Australia; he was content to make Korea his home, as long as you were with him.

One night, you two were seated on the couch in Felix’s apartment, his family having gone to Busan to visit some relatives. You were watching Goblin with him, a drama that never failed to make your heart melt, and never failed to make him fall asleep within the first episode.

“You idiot— wake up, it’s the scene of the first snow!”

Felix, having watched this drama with you so many times he could practically recite their lines, groans. You always get excited whenever this scene came up, where the male and female lead would kiss under the falling first snow, but he could never comprehend your excitement over such a cheesy scene.

“Great. Thanks for waking me up from a perfectly nice nap just for this,” he complains, but he lays his head on your lap, props his feet up and decides to keep his eyes open just for your sake. He knows how much you love this scene, and he knows you love it even more when he watches it with you.

“It’s so beautiful,” you murmur, hands unconsciously wandering to Felix’s curly locks, playing with them and smoothing out tangles. Felix hums in contentment.

“Do you believe in it? That if you’re out in the first snow with someone you’ll find true love with that person?”

“No, it’s just plain superstition that your kdramas exploit to make money.”

“Shut up, Yongbok,” you say, knowing that he hates it when you call him by his Korean name, and reaches up to pinch your cheek in mock annoyance.

“I want a confession like that,” you moan, pointing sulkily at the television. Felix rolls his eyes, waiting for you to launch into your customary lamentation about being forever alone and remaining old spinster your whole life, but then you suddenly grow oddly quiet. When he looks up, he realizes that you’re not even watching the show anymore. Instead, your gaze is drawn to outside the window, a faraway look in your eyes.

“What’re you looking at?”

“Just, you know.” You sigh, unsure of how to start.

“C’mon, tell me what’s wrong,” Felix says, sitting up attentively and turning your face towards him. The troubled look in your eyes worries him.

“It sounds so stupid, but… I want to fall in love.”

“You want to what?”

“I want to know what it feels like to love someone. I want to build snowmen and have snowball fights and watch the first snow with someone I love. And… I’ve confessed several times to serious crushes that I’ve had, but I get rejected every time. I don’t even know why— am I really that unattractive?” You laugh, trying to play it off as a silly joke, but then Felix detects the underlying seriousness in your voice and he knows that you’re not really joking. And this is the first time you’re talking to him about your love life, which intrigues him because you’ve always kept quiet about it.

A part of him feels a little upset that you wanted to fall in love with someone else— wasn’t he enough for you? Then again, he didn’t even begin to hope that you would view him in a romantic light. You saw him as a friend and nothing else.

“You’re not unattractive. Y-You’re really pretty,” Felix stammers, praying that you wouldn’t notice the redness searing across his cheekbones.

“Maybe it’s my personality then,” you sigh, completely missing the hint.

“What? No! You’re amazing, Y/N. If no one wants you I’ll keep you all for myself, so don’t even worry about being left on the shelf,” he says, joking, but also not really.

You pout and look away from Felix, unable to hide your gloominess.

“But come on, why didn’t you ever tell me about this?” Felix asks, a little hurt that you never confided in him earlier.

“I don’t know… it just seemed so stupid. Like I’m desperate for a boyfriend. But I just want to know what love feels like.”

Felix can’t bear seeing you so upset. He pulls you into a big bear hug, caressing your hair gently.

“You’ll find love soon, I promise.”

—

y/n: felix

y/n: LEE YONGBOK

Felix: WHAT

y/n: i have a crush and i think he likes me too

y/n: i’m gonna confess tmrw i think it’s finally gonna work out well omggg wish me luck!!

Felix: if he rejects you he’s blind don’t worry babygirl

Felix: but

Felix: (deleted message)

y/n: BUT WHAT

Felix: nothing atb!!

—

But I can’t say that I’ll be happy if you do get a boyfriend.|

—

Felix is going sick with worry.

You haven’t answered any of his calls or texts in the last 24 hours, and when he tries ringing your apartment no one answers.

He wonders if this has something to do with you confessing to your crush. What if you did get rejected? His heart plummets with panic at the thought.

Though he couldn’t imagine why on earth anyone would reject you. You were cute, hilarious, caring, and a great person overall. And if he had the guts to confess to you earlier, he suddenly thinks, his heart sinking with self-reproach, then maybe you would have been happier.

He takes to the streets to find you, feeling personally responsible for you. He had to make sure you were okay no matter what.

It’s a terribly cold day, and the wind is harsh and biting, slapping at his cheeks uncomfortably. With his hands in the pockets of his topcoat, he walks briskly on the sidewalk, keeping his eyes peeled for you. He remembers the weather reports forewarning that the first snow would fall any day now. He thinks that today would be a terrible day for that to happen, with you missing.

Just as he’s about to turn into the street where your favorite cafe was, hoping to find you there, he sees a lone hooded figure walking towards his direction from a dark alley. He recognizes your cartoon tote bag hanging from your arm and he calls out to you immediately.

“Y/N!”

You look up and he immediately runs over to you, and without thinking twice, crushes you to him in a tight embrace. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling the scent of your honey-and-milk shampoo that always reminded him of caramel popcorn.

“Hey, where the heck did you go? Do you know how worried I was?”

That’s when he pulls away and notices that your eyes are red-rimmed, traces of wetness around the lids.

“Did it not go well?” He sighs, before removing his scarf and wrapping it around your neck, securing it tightly before proceeding to take your hands in his.

“It’s just as well,” he mutters unthinkingly. Then his words dawn on him and when he sees the expression of shock on your face, he recoils. “N-No, I didn’t mean it that way! Shit, I’m so sorry—,”

“Felix,” you say, your voice a mere whisper, “look.”

Felix looks upwards, following the direction of your gaze.

Petals of soft, white snow drift downwards in alluring spiral-like motions, twirling gracefully through the air, flirting coquettishly with the wind, before finally coming to rest on your upturned palms and forming white specks in your hair.

“The first snow,” you whisper in awe, enchanted by the sight.

Through the falling snow, you sneak a gaze at Felix. He looks absolutely ethereal, with the snow falling around him and creating soft white flecks in his bright copper hair. His eyes twinkle with a certain unidentifiable emotion that you can’t quite put your finger on, and the way he smiles at the sight around him makes your heart melt. How had you never noticed how good-looking Felix was before?

And as you stare at him amidst the falling first snow around you, it suddenly hits you. It hits you, clear as day, bright as the sun. The one you’d been looking for this whole time, the one you’d been destined to find true love with, has been right by your side this whole time.

“I-I have something to tell you,” Felix suddenly says, interrupting you from your hazy daze of swirling thoughts.

“Maybe this is a sign,” he says, gesturing to the falling snow around him, “maybe… we were destined to be true lovers. I love you, Y/N, and I have for a long time now.”

You’re too stunned to speak.

Finally, you manage to choke out a, “I-I thought you didn’t believe in superstition.”

“I don’t believe in superstition, but I believe in us,” Felix says, before instantly turning red. “God, that was so cheesy, what the heck was I—,”

And that’s when something in your heart clicks, shattering all your inhibitions, your fears of never being able to fall in love, and you step forward and press your lips against his, tangling your hands in his hair.

It takes him less than a second to respond, and soon he’s kissing you back, lips moving tenderly against yours, his hands roaming your back, fuelled by a desire to be as close to you as possible.

It feels like absolute magic, and you feel a flurry of fireworks explode in your heart, giddy elation and sheer euphoria coursing through your veins.

You feel him smile through the kiss and you smile too, finally pulling away from him and letting him rest his forehead on yours as he wraps his arms around you tightly, hugging you close to him.

“Thank you,” you breathe, as the chilly embrace of the fluffy snow wraps around you both, “for making my dream come true.”

“Maybe it’s time to start believing in superstitions after all. Or maybe I’m just psychic. I did tell you that you’d find love soon,” Felix says, and you both laugh, your laughter like the melodic sound of tinkling windchimes in the cold wind. 

So this, you think to yourself, this is what love feels like.

a/n; i actually had the privilege to be able to witness the first snow in korea this year, and it was really beautiful <3 snow was falling one morning when i woke up and it was so thick that apparently it set a new record or something;; it was a really special experience for me ^^ but walking around the slippery, icy ground in sneakers was NOT fun lmao

[coffeeselfies]

This is technically the “I think I need coffee,” selfie, but it’s been so long since I’ve posted that I figured anything was better than nothing.

I’m still trying to sleep through the inspiration of a very wonderful Bob Goff.

I. love. him.

But on to darker things, like my not-so-distant past!

Hahaha. So I was looking for an old assignment I e-mailed myself, and instead found a bunch of cryptic-heavy things I had texted one of my rarely used e-mails from my phone.

So of course I’m going to put them together, here, since I will probably just lose them otherwise. And because everyone on the internet loves reading the things I e-mail to, well, myself (WAIT, DO I NOT HAVE FRIENDS, WHAT IS MY LIFE). :p

4/12/12 - A veces no quiero hablar Por Nada con mis amigos. Solamente, "Hoy me dice ,estas loca, pero le esta loco a Juan!" Y mas Nada. Yo quiero hablar about cosas lejas. Ayer y Hoy hable con jean y veronika, solamente small talk primer. Pero despues, yo decido hablar about the things which I was.actually thinking about lately, the deeper layers. My thoughts were kind of awkward. Random. But I'm so glad I did, it lead to such good convos! As if, although my own thoughts or specific revelation (another one about love, of course), but led to true, sincere convos from the heart. Yes! Thank you, Lord. It's funny how I won't open up and ill get frustrated at the lack of depth in a conversation, yet really all I need to do in some cases is just jump right into the true issues. Ahh small talk kills me.

3/4/12 - He asked us a few questions: Who are you using?

How are you using them?

Physically. Sexually. Emotionally. Spiritually. Monetarily.

How can you restore that? Who's using you? Do you love money, and use people?

Or do you love people, and use money?

5/9/12 I think my id and superego are in conflict... I prefer that psychological term to saying that right vs wrong or my flesh is in rebellion, I guess. I just want to do all sorts of things that aren't of God, and i don't even know what to do. I think I need to just remember that life is short, and not about what I want. I'm getting too caught up in the worldly details, my visions going, my path, every time I think I'm expanding it, is getting more and more limited. Goodnight, from post Dave n busters with cartel, post umsl, going to school tmrw. 

5/17/12 - "Can you keep a secret?" I should have realized by now that this question should be answered with fear and heaviness rather than curiosity.

5/29/12 - I dreamt that, after they thought I had left, my parents started fighting. Loudly, viciously, hatefully. I came down shouting, 'stop it, stop it!!' But their heads were already covered in blood, as I'd they were going to kill eachother. I never found out if they stopped or not, because dad called to me in real life from the other room. At first I wondered if I had really been shouting, and that's why he had contacted me, but no, it was just about bulk trash being today. Something sounds like its gnawing on something, I can hear and feel the vibrations of it through my pillow. Creepy. 

6/4/12 - I have always been a compassionate person – making little houses for wounded snakes and worms – befriending the kid who’s got no one but himself for company, partnering with the girl who doesn’t really speak English. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve recognized that God has been faithful in granting me patience, mercy, and grace as well, and I know that these are not my own,  but I am meant to share them with the very people God has give me a heart for – the downtrodden, broken, and outcast, and ultimately just humanity in general.  This has, more or less, been my (more recent) life pursuit. To follow God’s Will for my life, regardless of where it takes me. So far that has meant giving hope to weary and often lost travelers of Amsterdam, mentoring at risk juveniles and raising awareness for human trafficking in Los Angeles, running English and Summer-School programs for Chinese immigrants in New York City, training and creating jobs for families in Haiti, as well as hosting events and creating opportunities for girls to leave brothels , learning how to run a business in Mexico while also helping out at various orphanages for disabled Children, and even just being there for my own family and friends when they’ve needed it most. It has meant months of Ministry Training schools, years of living in International Community Houses, working in roles that range from administration, to construction, to managerial, and an ever growing reliance on and relationship with Jesus Christ.I’ve been back in Saint Louis for a year now,

7/1/12 - Today started strangely, my head still a little blurry from the wine from the night before. I went to church, very late, where daren had a cupcake waiting for me. Why? Because Tuesday I had admitted I had experienced some downer bdays and he realized that it was my half birthday. Mom came, cried, we hugged, went to the church picnic.. I went home, told dad about her accident, and he just started weeping, so hard that his nose began to.bleed. I stroked his hair and.got a bit teary eyed.and then we got.on our knees and prayed... Later was feeling down and missing Luke, but jean got me out.

11/11/12 - And with your hands in the air, your feet barely touching ground, I take that smile to mean that life is finally turning 'round. And we laugh til we cry and we dance til we cant, and I feel free as can be each time I see that gleam in your eye. Then the secrets come out and its less about being blessed and more about a high. So when you're dancing I'm wondering if that's you, and when you're singing, I know you would be singing.the blues... But that gleam in your eye, well really its more of a glaze all along, I just saw what I wanted as you,strung me along. 

12/20/12 -

Well the queens off her throne Hiding in a stairwell Feet strewn about the stairs Seeming barely aware That her kingdom awaits The king, divorced long ago He's crying Where's his iron fist? Seems he's traded it for sentiment "Pathetic!" He might self accuse If only his tears would let him Seems everything's a dream these days, Some hellish, some sweet But all 

--

I used to find the idea of receiving a text in the middle of the night strange.

Now, after years of practice, I find it comforting, perhaps a reminder that I am not so alone as I would feel.

I hadn't realized this, of course, until now.

Now, when I wake up to nothing but darkness and my own thoughts.

Now, when, regardless of whether I toss myself awake at 2am or 4am, there is no message.

There's nothing to reassure me that there's another person in this world who is awake and eager to share a moment, even a small, electronic message with me.

1/11/13 - Today Gave my testimony. Adopt a block, played ninja. Eva likes hanging out with Christians. I break rules and have real convos with the disciples. Play bs. Go to angelus temple. Do food distribution. Met hosea who talked to us because he thought I was pretty, was super catholic, thought tim was my bf, etc etc etc

1/29/13 - Oh hi, I'm feeling cold and pathetic, and thought I would ... Email myself. That seems fitting. Somehow emailing yourself feels much more pathetic than just journaling. Right now I feel like I wish anyone, absolutely anyone , would sit down across from me. Even the old creepy man who, after asking a few non essential questions, left me for the warmth of the indoors, or... I don't know, a donut. Why do I feel like this.Lord? Is it because I am not so busy in school? Is it because Adam moved and despite the fact that I was barely hanging out with him last semester anyway, he was a crutch, and knowing that at 1am when I feel pathetic and lonely and confused, I can't even text someone I know would care? I mean. I know others would care. But we aren't exactly on that level just yet. What is my life? Why am I this way, and why do I want attention for it? Or why do I feel the need to find someone who would , what, save me ? From myself.? From my thoughts? Why am I seeking comfort in shallow things, the wings of friends and acquaintences and , frick, anything. Whywhywhywhy. I don't know. Is this what life is like for people? Lord, you are the one God, the only thing worth it, you are good when no one else is, am I getting caught up in things that I shouldn't, what am I even going on about? Life life life. It's all good, right

2/13/13 - (From a voice to text translator)

tomorrow I'm supposed to have an awkward cuddling session with my love scene manager and a love my phone from church I'm not sure how I get myself into these awkward situations but I definitely am good at it office tomorrow my uncle is moving in for a month but should be really awkward and I wish that I had a lock on my door and the house I'm learning that the things that I desire to have a find myself feeling empty when I do get them but I'm happy about it because it gets me clarity because it shows me that nothing else really matters is just kind of in my head really got the only thing that matters is the only thing I should pursue S I miss Adam I know you won't hang out that much before you left but now I guess I'm missing him double I don't know I don't know what I mean exactly but he's been gone a few weeks now and it's weird not having a best friend to talk to you about everything I have a lot of friends I have a lot of good friends but this is different it is different when you have someone who knows so much about you already and you don't have to tell the back story every time you tell them a new story because I already know who so I'm so is or why you feel that way or white was a bad idea that you did that so I'm also giving up ice cream and I'll call for lunch and I'm going to be time to eat a lot better subject tomorrow hopefully that I've also really just been wanting to be free of employment just live and everyday wake up and say what I want to do without help homeless people if I want to make something I want to sell another day love you babe I wanna go out with a friend I make my card I definitely don't want to spend 5 shifts a week at cartel but at the same time I don't feel like I'm self disciplined enough to not have a job I'm just getting tired of the creepers and the internet the kids off work as well as yeah I don't know ent from my HTC on the Now Network from Sprint!

8/18/13 -

Woke up really missing my dad. Go figure. Able to properly seduce emotions into a flat, shruggable denial ever since those first few days, and now, on the day I hoped to "stay strong" the most, I can't stop thinking of part of the song he wrote for Rachel, only now in regards to him - "I miss you, in the summertime.. I miss you, in the wintertime.. I miss you - all the time. I love my Rachel Sue." Only.. Daddy-o, or something. Ahhh.. Thank you, Lord, for such a kind father. Please help today glorify your name, run smoothly.. its so obvious we can't do it without you.

8/19/13 - I miss my dad. I am sad that I'll never have him burst in my room in November at three am with pancakes and lit birthday candles because he started thinking about some of the birthdays of mine he had missed, and wanted us to be able to celebrate  together. I can't drink milk or even look at rootbeer without hearing him ask for some, so eagerly, and then sigh 'mmmm, now that's good,' so contentedly after his first sip. I miss that his crazy stories are not going to be things that I share in everyday conversation with my friends, because they're all old stories and it will seem out of place. who do i have to talk to about my dad? no one. it makes everyone sad. theres no one to just share his life with, aside from close family, and that will be limited. Everyone keeps telling me I'm so strong. What does that mean?I'm strong because I didn't start sobbing when I spoke? Because I'm smiling and laughing with you? Is that strength or disposition? Blake said that I was handling this better than anyone he's ever seen deal with death. What does that mean? 

12/13/13

I see a sadness in your eyes.Behind the words, another message.The weight of your world becomes tangible, heavy, a thickness that weights me like a fog rolling in with, strapping invisible bricks to my body. Sometimes it's your words, blatant and straightforward, other times it's the sighs, the eyes that flash with emotion for just a moment, Did you know that's been seen? So many words, how can they be contained? I hear things you've never said, I see 

1/03/14-

I've tried reflecting on 2013.. tried finding words which could somehow, miraculously encapsulate all of the growth, struggle, joy, depression, transformation, and experiences that it contained. It will be one of the most memorable years of my life, for many reasons, but it may also be one of those years that the full impact of may be lost on me for awhile now.In the past few weeks, I've been looking through journals, photos, and letters, remembering and realizing exactly how many changes this year has brought. Led my first missions trip, felt the loss of saying goodbye to one of my best friends, discovered what living with not just my dad, but my uncle Ken, five chickens, two cats, two ducks, a dog, and whoever else decided to stay over was like, became the missions director at middletree church, became an AUNT to the most beautiful little Emelia Skye, gained a new set of amazing and wonderful friends, played nurse/daughter/friend/staff member/sister/maid/hopsicecare/barista/student/leader to the point of confused identity and exhaustion, left cartel to become part of the Caife Caife family, DIDN'T leave the country for the first time in yeaaaaars, actually had to turn down exciting travel/jobs, speaking opportunities, and a leadership position with a non-profit (rather than seek them out, like usual), spent 7 months of the year experiencing the beauty, hardship, and love of caring someone who is dying in more and more ways every day, the trauma and release of my dad's actual death, the months following that are nothing but fog, sorrow, and blurred memories, the 14-state family road trip of a lifetime, moving to the Loop with Dani, experiencing being 'home for the holidays' without any actual family to be home with, and .. I don't know.. the Sara of today, who can look back on things only a year ago and find I have a whole new perspective on them. ..I only wrote one public (well, as public as it can be when I have a total of 8, predominately inactive followers) blog post in 2013, mostly talking about overcoming fear to become the person I feel I'm called to be. It was mostly inspired by revelations from the LA Dream Center trip, and I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to look back on the goals and dreams I wanted so desperately to become a reality, and to be able to say that, even through all the changes and sorrow of this year, that they were able to come to fruition. I'm not in to new years resolutions, but I do highly recommend kickstarting your year with an inspiring, transformative experience, which can set the trajectory for how you are going to live, what goals you will meet or fall short of (but still come closer to, which is still GROWTH, something to celebrate!) in the coming adventure of 2014. No matter what 2013 held, don't let fear of who you were just last month keep you from being who you want to be tomorrow. This little blog post is nice for me to re-read, because it reminds me of my fears, and what overcoming them, even one step at a time, can lead to. 2013 was a hard year for me, but it has also brought me to exactly where I feel I'm supposed to be right now. 

1/29/14 - "I'm good" I wore the reassuring words like a blanket. Cover, no, smother whatever was beneath, within.   Protect yourself from the cold, vulnerable words might slip thru the holes in the blanket... exposed means they can feel temperature of your meaning. Heavy, heat from the heart. you can feel their response.  Pray for a warm touch, but there's always risk of icicle daggers

2/19/14

it's just that

I have a lot of thoughts

ideas, fears, ..a lot of places that I'd like to explore

But they feel so heavy when it's just me and them

feels like there’s a lot of trees to climb before i get to the clouds

and I'd like to share them with someone

who cares about them just as much as I do,

someone with just as much to risk,

who understands each side of the story.

And sometimes, I see planets in those eyes,

but have no rocketship to get me there

And I see that depth, but there's just no way to tap in

Im searching for someone to explore with

those infinite galaxies in your mind and mine.

Someone to make sense of it,

write poetry about it

but not get so caught up that it's just us - no

Always God first.

Always seeking his planets, his stars, his truth..

and maybe that's the adventure..

[tails89]

Land Below the Waves Ch. 13

Here is the next chapter. I’m going to try and focus on this rather than prompts for a bit so I can get some more written. I would love to get this finished at some point.

Once again, it’s also posted on

AO3

FF.net

Previous chapters

The clean-up of the aquarium was going to take a while. Once the police had given them permission to enter, Fishlegs had directed everyone to begin.

A crowd had gathered during the morning as the drama had unfolded. Berk was a small town and news travelled fast.

Astrid was surprised to see that so many stayed once it was all over and the emergency vehicles were gone. The town came together to help out the business that had once been one of the main attractions bringing tourists to Berk. Tourists who then stayed at Mrs Ack’s caravan park and bought their meat from Sven’s butchery.

As the townsfolk got to work, it appeared the aquarium wasn’t as bad off as it had initially looked. From what Astrid could see, only a few of the windows had been broken and the fire had been contained to the clinic.

Most of the rubble that littered the pavement looked to be from the shelving that had been tossed to the ground.

Apparently, the police had found nothing. No finger prints, no hairs, nothing to indicate that anyone had been on the property other than Hiccup that night.

Astrid had given a statement.

Yes, Hiccup had been unhappy that the aquarium was closing. No, there was no way Hiccup would set the fire himself. Hiccup would never risk injuring any of the animals they cared for.

She was so angry that the police could even suggest that Hiccup had caused the damage.

“It wasn’t him!” She had yelled it at the officer taking her statement. “Hiccup loved this place. He poured his heart into this aquarium and the animals we care for. And you think he would do such a thing!”

The officer had sighed.

“People will do crazy things to protect the ones they love.”

Astrid had narrowed her eyes. “Not Hiccup.”

She had told them about Drago and the police had promised to follow up on that. Astrid didn’t believe that for one second. The whole town knew that Drago Bludvist was untouchable without hard evidence. Nothing had been left at the scene and until the police could get a statement from Hiccup the whole investigation was stalled.

Astrid picked through the rubble of the clinic, salvaging what she could of the medical supplies. The office at the opposite end of the building was almost completely gutted and the whole building had been deemed structurally unsafe. It would need to be pulled down. Astrid tried not to look as she walked past. Hiccup had been in there. She desperately hoped he was okay.

Astrid couldn’t help but think of it as she checked over Stormfly’s superficial scratches.

What had the fireman said?

“Did you see the state of him?”

Astrid had heard nothing since talking to Fishlegs. What if something happened and Hiccup didn���t make it? How would she know? She had no way of getting into contact with his father. Stoick probably wouldn’t even want to talk to her. She could call the hospital, but she wasn’t family so that was probably a dead end too.

It was the not knowing that was the worst part.

“Astrid, take a break.” Fishlegs wandered over with his clipboard in hand. It was late in the afternoon and most of the volunteers had left for home. The few that remained were quiet. Even the twins had refrained from their normal jokes and pranks. Snotlout had been strangely absent.

“We haven’t finished cleaning yet. And we need to organise to have the windows repaired.”

“It’s going to take a few days to get everything together.”

“And what about the fundraiser? Will the board still let us go ahead with it?”

“Astrid-“

“We’ve still got time. We hadn’t even set a date yet.”

“Astrid,” Fishlegs gave a resigned sigh. “I-I’ll talk to the board. I can’t make any promises. Go home.”

“I can’t. I need to stay busy.”

“I’ll make sure she gets home.” Ruffnut had materialised beside her. Astrid hadn’t even noticed her arrive. She’d assumed the twins had left already.

The mood was sombre as Astrid was ferried to her car. She appreciated that Ruffnut did not try to talk to her on the drive home. They sat in silence as they wound through the streets of Berk.

Astrid pulled into the driveway of their share house and cut the engine. She exited the car and made her way to the house. The door unlocked with a soft click. Astrid dumped her keys and phone on the table by the door.

“Where are you going?” Ruffnut let the door swing shut behind her.

Astrid didn’t look back. “To my room.” She kicked off her shoes.

“You can’t just hide from this.”

Astrid stopped. “I’m not hiding.”

“Uh, yes, you are.” Ruffnut marched around in front of the other woman to stop her from escaping. “I’m not stupid. I’ve seen the puppy-dog eyes you and the dolphin boy have been giving each other.” She poked Astrid in the shoulder. “You two were totally a thing.”

Astrid shook her head. “It’s not- It wasn’t serious…” She thought back to the last kiss they had shared. Things had definitely been less awkward between them since then, still, “I don’t… I don’t really know what it was.”

“But you like him.” It wasn’t posed as a question. Ruffnut moved to lean against the couch. “Don’t even try to tell me it’s not like that,” she said when Astrid opened her mouth to speak.

Astrid threw her hands up. “Fine! I like him. A lot. And it’s killing me not knowing what’s going on. I spent all day at work trying to stay busy. Trying not to think about it and now… I can’t stop thinking about it. I need to know what’s happening.”

Ruffnut looked thoughtful. “You could ask Snotlout.”

Astrid paused, confused for a moment. Oh, Hiccup and Snotlout were cousins! Snotlout had been absent from the aquarium all day, not that he had a stellar attendance record, but chances were he’d heard about the accident. Maybe he had some news. She looked back towards her phone, sitting on the table.

“I don’t have his number.”

“I do.” Ruffnut was flicking through her contact list.

“Why do you have Scott Jorgenson’s phone number?”

“Ah, another story for another time. Just call him.” Ruffnut handed Astrid her phone.

She hesitated. The contact card was open, but Astrid struggled to bring herself to press the button to connect the call.

“Really Astrid? Just do it.”

Astrid swiped across, opening the messenger instead.

She caught sight of the last exchange of messages between Ruffnut and Snotlout and shuddered before moving on. She tapped on the keyboard, typing out a quick message, Scott, it’s Astrid. Have you heard anything about Hiccup? Her finger hovered over the ‘send’ button.

“This is painful to watch, give it here.” Ruffnut snatched the mobile and hit send. She handed the phone back to Astrid. “You’re welcome.”

Astrid clutched the phone in her hands. Minutes ticked by with no response.

“This was a stupid idea,” Astrid whined. “He’s never going to respond.”

She paced behind the couch, lapping around the loungeroom. Each second felt like a lifetime as she waited. Astrid shoved the phone back at Ruffnut and stormed into the kitchen. Snotlout was never going to text them back. She needed to find something to do.

She set about pulling bits and pieces from the fridge while Ruffnut watched from the lounge. Astrid pulled out the chopping block and set it aside. She stared at the vegetables, her body thrumming with anxiety. She wasn’t hungry.

There was a chirp from the living room.

Astrid all but ran from the kitchen.

Ruffnut was holding the phone, her face downcast as she read the text. She silently handed the phone to Astrid so that she could read the message.

Not gud. They flu him to city. We’re going up tmrw.

The phone screen blurred. Fishlegs had been right. Berk’s small hospital hadn’t been able to treat Hiccup and he’d been sent to the city. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. A bigger hospital meant better treatment.

Astrid sat on the couch, tapping the keypad on the phone.

Please keep me updated! As soon as you know anything!

Astrid put the phone down. All she could do now was wait and hope that Snotlout would keep her posted on Hiccup’s condition.

The phone chirped again almost instantly.

U should come.

Astrid stared at the screen. Should she? She wanted to. No, it was more than that. She needed to. She needed to see Hiccup with her own eyes.

I don’t want to get in anyone’s way. She tapped out the words slowly with shaking hands, afraid that Snotlout would take his offer back.

“Don’t be stupid,” Ruffnut was reading the messages over Astrid’s shoulder. “You should go.”

“It would be weird,” Astrid argued. “With his family there. I’m not family. They don’t even know me.”

“I’m sure Hiccup would want to see you.”

Astrid hated that Ruffnut was being the reasonable one in this argument.

“Okay,” she said at last. “I’ll go.”

()

It was a three-hour, white knuckled drive to the city.

For the first half hour, the car had been silent but for the rumbling of the engine. As she drove Astrid had turned the radio on. The cheery discussion of the DJ’s and pop music clashed jarringly with her melancholy mood, but it drowned out the intrusive thoughts that clamoured for attention in her head.

What if she got to the hospital and was immediately turned away?

What if Hiccup was injured even worse than she thought? What if she got to the hospital and Hiccup was… gone.

It would not do to dwell on ‘what ifs’.

She turned the radio up louder and concentrated on the drivel gushing from the radio presenters. Really, who cared what happened on last night’s episode of some TV show? There were bigger problems in the world.

Snotlout’s number was now saved on her phone. Astrid was going to send him a message once she reached the hospital.

She’d left the house at eight after a night of tossing and turning and was making good time. Astrid reached the city by eleven am and was looking for somewhere to park at the hospital at midday. She sat in the car long after she had cut the engine, toying with the phone in her hands.

This was it. Hopefully soon she would have a better idea of how Hiccup was doing. Hopefully she would get to see him, maybe even talk to him.

She had brought her laptop. She was sure, that if he was up to it, he would want to view the webcam of the aquarium and see that Toothless was alright. But even that would be bittersweet. Toothless coming out of the fire unscathed would not change the fact that he was still in serious danger from the damage to his tail.

That was the last conversation they had shared.

Astrid took a steadying breath and unclipped her seatbelt. Sitting in her car all day was going to get her nowhere. She pushed open her door and snatched her bag as she exited the vehicle.

The hospital was huge. It was comprised of a number of buildings spread out across the campus. The Centenary Hospital for Woman and Children was obviously out. That was the building Astrid had parked closest to. She took the path that wound around the four-storey structure leading towards the largest building.

There was a sign pointing her towards the Emergency Department. Astrid figured she could start there. Further down another signed was directing to the Main Reception. That seemed promising. Astrid followed the signs to the entrance of the hospital.

Inside the directions were just as confusing. Astrid had sent Snotlout a message, but she hadn’t received a response yet. She wasn’t even sure if he had reached the hospital. In any case, she could find somewhere to wait for them to arrive.

She stood in front of a large board listing all the different hospital departments.

Which one would Hiccup be in?

The General Medical unit was on the fourth floor. Astrid skimmed over the other departments. Just one floor up was the Burns and Critical Care units. Astrid couldn’t remember seeing any burns on Hiccup as he was carried away, but he’d been covered in soot and the paramedics had laid a blanket over him.

Her phone buzzed.

Were here.

Astrid turned, hearing the automatic doors open behind her. A man and a woman were storming into the foyer, Snotlout trailing behind.

She wandered over nervously.

“Uh, hey.”

Snotlout looked up.

“Hey.”

They stood there awkwardly.

Astrid had known Snotlout for a few years now. She had always been annoyed at the way he was constantly bragging about something, or showing off in front of her and Ruffnut and any other girl who walked by. In the last two months they had become closer, especially while helping Hiccup work on his plans to save the aquarium.

The large man, Hiccup’s uncle, towered over them. He rivalled Stoick for height, but other than that, Astrid could see no family resemblance. “Who is she?”

“Uh, this is Astrid. Hiccup’s uh, girlfriend.”

Astrid opened her mouth to correct Snotlout, then thought better of it. If saying she was Hiccup’s girlfriend got her in to see him, she was going to run with it. They could clear things up later.

The woman who entered came over to them from the front desk. Now Astrid could see the similarities between her and Stoick. She had thick red hair and was just as tall as her husband.

“They’re upstairs.” Her smile was warm and kind, the complete opposite of Snotlout’s father who looked stern and tense.

Astrid stood there apprehensively. They hadn’t asked her to leave yet, but they also hadn’t told her it was okay to follow them.

Noticing her uncertainty, Hiccup’s Aunt took Astrid’s hand.

“Come along dear,” she said, “I’m sure Henry is anxious to see you.”

Astrid felt guilty for lying to them, but she allowed herself to be lead to the lift.

()

Astrid had not spent much time in hospitals before. She had vague memories of visiting her mother in hospital after her younger sister was born. The maternity ward had been vibrant and colourful and full of new life.

This ward was just as busy. Nurses were moving about, ducking in and out of the rooms as they tended to their patients, but the atmosphere here was very different.

Astrid hovered in the waiting area as Snotlout’s mother went to speak to one of the nurses at the desk. “Maybe I should wait here,” she said, hugging her arms about herself. She felt so out of place. “Just… tell me how he is.”

She sat in one of the hard plastic chairs, despite the protests of Snotlout’s mother.

“She’s right,” it was Snotlout’s father who spoke. “She’s not family. We should at least clear it with Stoick first.”

The words hurt, but they were the truth.

Astrid watched the Jorgenson’s retreat down the hall towards Hiccup’s room and settled herself in to wait.

Stoick found Astrid sitting out in the waiting room. It was late in the afternoon. Snotlout and his parents had left hours ago after visiting Hiccup. Astrid had got a tense “He’ll be fine,” from Snotlout’s father, and a sympathetic smile from his mother. Snotlout had just nodded, his eyes ringed with red. It was not a look she’d ever seen on him before.

Still she waited, legs crossed under her on an uncomfortable chair, unable to bring herself to leave just yet.

Now she watched as Stoick’s hulking figure made its way down the hall towards her. He sat beside the girl and cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“The nurses told me you were still here,” he shot a sidelong glance towards Astrid.

“I’m sorry,” Astrid uncrossed her legs. “I know you probably don’t want me here.”

Stoick made a noise that Astrid couldn’t decipher.

“I’m sorry that I told them I was his girlfriend, though technically that was Snotlo-Scott.”

This time Stoick grinned. “Snotlout, was Hiccup’s revenge on Scott for calling him Hiccup. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” He turned in his seat and bent. “I’ve always called his father Spitelout,” he said in a conspiratorial whisper. “He talks about you.”

Astrid’s brows knit together.

“Hiccup,” Stoick clarified. “Every day he’d come home from work and it would be Astrid did this, Astrid did that. He likes you a lot.”

“I like him too.” Astrid fiddled with her braid. “I can go if you want.” She looked up at Stoick. “I just- I needed to know that he’s going to be okay.”

Stoick said nothing for a moment.

“He’ll recover,” he said. “I don’t know if he’ll be okay. He-“ Stoick choked on his words. “They took him in for surgery this morning. His leg was badly injured you see.” He took a deep breath. “They had to amputate.”

Astrid felt all the colour drain from her face. The background chattering of the nurses faded away into dim buzzing. She barely heard Stoick speak.

“He’s in an’ out. I haven’t told him yet. I don’t know how.”

Astrid pressed her hands to her face, trying to process this information.

“Can I see him?”