#so what she was gonna trap Colin he needed something to do

[cr-nack]

I was never that invested in Bridgerton and I’m only tuning into s3 for kanthony crumbs but it’s gonna be so hard to stare at raggedy Anne’s face after what she did to Marina

[klaramarieleblochova]

There's something that we all know about Penelope & Colin but it has to be said OUT LOUD in season 3.

Penelope sacrificed hers (and her family's) reputation for Colin.

She shamed her family because she loved this man, she cared about his happiness, she did everything she could so he doesn't end up trapped in a loveless marriage.

And Colin needs to hear that, Colin needs to see that, he needs to understand.

I don't care what you think about the whole Marina situation, you might think Pen was wrong for doing it and I'm not gonna argue with you, but you simply can't ignore this simple fact.

She didn't do it out of spite, out of jealousy, she tried talking everyone out of it and when noone listened, she had no other choice to protect her friend.

Howgh.

[burnthoneydrops]

can you do a isaac mcadoo of colin trying so hard to wingman for him with the reader who is friends with keeley and colin being (adorably) bad at it but obviously she likes isaac?

Flirting 101 (i.m. x fem!reader)

pairing: isaac mcadoo x fem!reader

word count:

warnings: alcohol, use of y/n, language (maybe)

a/n: awww i loved writing this so much!! all the boys are my favourite so writing for different ones is so much fun! thank you for the request and i hope you like it!!

“Babe, come on! I promise it’s just the restaurant, it’ll be chill!” Keeley’s been begging you to come to a Richmond night with her for the past 20 minutes. 

“Those boys do not know how to be chill,” you shoot back, shutting your laptop, “besides, you just want me to go so you can not-so-subtly push me into Isaac at some point”. 

“What?! I would never! What kind of friend do you think I am?” Keeley tries to look offended but it’s not long before her facade breaks and she laughs. 

“Case in point,” you roll your eyes, putting your laptop in your bag and getting out of your chair. You were thankful to Keeley for getting you a job at her PR firm, as you were one of her best friends, but it was moments like this that made you regret saying yes. You would say you were her best friend, but you do not need the backlash from Rebecca on that, so you settle for being one of them. 

“But you have that pretty top that would be perfect! You know, the black one with the fancy sleeves?” She gestures across her arms in case you forgot where sleeves go. 

“Ugh, fine! But if you try and pull something or it gets super loud or whatever, we’re leaving,” you look her directly in the eye. 

Keeley squeals, gripping you in a tight hug and jumping up and down. “I swear, it’s gonna be fun”. 

To your surprise, you’re sitting at a corner table in Ola’s and everything seems to be going pretty well. Keeley hasn’t really left your side; except for when she ran towards the entrance to trap Rebecca in a bear hug and drag her over to your table. Roy and Jamie were sitting at a table across the aisle from you, and Richard and Dani looked like they were in a very deep conversation about something you didn’t even want to try and guess. You sense a presence walking up beside you and notice Colin placing his beer down on your table. 

“Good evening ladies,” he addresses the table. “Oi, Y/N, didn’t expect to see you here”. 

“Oh, well Keeley basically begged me to come so-” 

“I did not beg!” 

“The security cameras at KJPR beg to differ,” you turn to look at her and she’s quick to shut up.

“Well anyway,” Colin starts, bringing the attention back to him, “could I maybe get you lot a drink? Round on me?” 

The three of you nod before each listing off your preferred drinks. As Rebecca tells Colin what she’d like, you look around the room and catch Isaac’s eyes. He seems to be intently staring at your table and you give him a small smile and a wave before he shakes out of his trance and clears his throat. You shake it off, not wanting to give yourself false hope that he was staring because of you and turn back to the group at hand. 

“Alright, I’ll be right back,” Colin smiles before he leaves to go place the orders. 

“Well that was awfully nice of him,” Keeley comments. 

“A little out of the blue, but yes,” Rebecca adds. 

You eye Keeley suspiciously, making her raise her eyebrows at you. “What?” she questions. 

“I’m not sure you had nothing to do with that”. 

Keeley grabs your hands, keeping them in place on the table, “people are allowed to do nice things for you just because”. 

You don’t have time to argue with her before Colin returns with the drinks, placing them down on the table in front of you. You all thank him again before he heads off back to his seat next to Isaac and the two begin to whisper. Before you can think about it too long, Rebecca grabs your attention again. 

“So, any news to update me on ladies? How’s life at KJPR?” 

“Oh it’s great! Working with your best friend always makes things better of course-” 

“I thought I was your best friend!” Rebecca interrupts Keeley. 

“I’m allowed to have more than one,” Keeley reassures her. 

“But the whole point of your best friend is that one person is the best. That’s literally what best means-” 

The two are interrupted by another drink being put down on the table. This time it’s Isaac, looking as uncomfortable as ever, standing like a plank at the table’s side. 

“This is for you,” he looks at your forehead, not quite making eye contact as he pushes the drink closer to you. It’s the same one you had told Colin about, though you weren’t even halfway done with that one and you weren’t going to question how Isaac had gotten it so fast. 

“Oh, thanks Isaac,” you reply awkwardly, gripping the glass and moving it that little bit extra away from the edge of the table. You try to suppress how warm your cheeks feel, but you know it’s pretty obvious just by the way Keeley and Rebecca are acting out of your peripheral vision. He nods and walks away and you want to slam your head on the table with how awkward you just were. 

“Oh my god you have to go talk to him,” Keeley exclaims. 

“No, I am absolutely not doing that!” You lean your head on your crossed arms so you’re looking down at your lap. 

“He bought you a drink, babes, that’s like flirting 101!” 

“No! Jesus Christ that interaction was awkward enough, I don’t need to make it worse”. 

“Come on! Woman up for God’s sake!” Rebecca laughs, kicking you under the table. 

“Ok! But only because that hurt,” you rub your shin before grabbing a napkin and a pen out of your bag. “But once I do this, I’m leaving,” you announce to the two of them and Keeley nods, getting ready to follow you out. 

You scribble a note and your phone number onto the napkin, quickly standing up and pushing your chair back before making your way over to the table Isaac was sitting at. You drop the napkin in front of him, not even checking if it actually landed on the table, thank him quietly for the drink once again and bolt out of there. 

If you wanted my number, you could have just asked :) 

+**-***-***-****

-Y/N

“You did it!” Keeley cheers as she closes the door to Ola’s behind her, following you to the car. She’s a giggling mess beside you, and it doesn’t take long before you join her, hoping you did the right thing.

[broodingheroine]

tmagp 8 thoughts

ooo running on empty. interesting.

oh fuck right into it

tutoring?????

that's an intensive grading rubric jesus

brutalism and LIMINAL SPACE????

feeling a type of way abt this being abt architecture. we've been through this.

I'm actually impressed by the quality of this essay so far

it's lowkey giving lonely vibes and of COURSE norris is reading this one

I don't like the repeated use of hunger in regards to architecture

a tower. hm.

less and less people. every night. okay.

hunger again. do not like.

"strangeness"

okay whatever you do, do not eat the food

okay this is SO lonely. like yes ik don't apply smirkes 14 to tmagp but it's for my own brain. I'm not making statements of fact abt tmagp.

CANNIBALISM????

it's giving that ep of tma where the kid got trapped in an alternate abandoned amusement park with all the starving ppl

NO ONE NOTICED HE WAS MISSING???

oh alice that is actually really annoying. fill the kettle.

WE BOTH KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?? ALICE WHAT DO YOU KNOW

ooooo colins on leave. probably good for him but I'm sad.

SOURDOUGH MENTION❗️❗️❗️

GERRYYYYYYYY

GERRYYYYYYYYYYY

I'm gonna fucking cry oh my god oh my god

GERTRUDE??????????? WHAT IN THE EVERLIVING FUCK

barely remembers any of it............

BOOKS MENTION. OH MY GOD.

what if I died. actually what if I died.

YOUR MYSTERY?

time travels. other dimensions. teleportation.

PODCAST? WTG??????

GEORGIE

was there a glitch in the audio when she said georgies name or am I crazy

okay so fuck.

alice acts super different without an audience. she knows smth else is going on but she deliberately ignores it so she doesn't get caught up in it.

I was expecting a gerry cameo at some point so as excited as I was I wasn't Surpised.

BUT GERTRUDE? that threw me for a loop.

we're slowly collecting tma cast members. idk how to feel about this.

I'm deeply worried abt colin.

I wanna know what the painting was and why celia liked it so much. was there something about camden in tma that im forgetting? he called it "camden epiphany"

unless things are VASTLY different in tmagp universe, obviously gertrude is lying about gerry being her grandson. why though. when they traveled together in tma the common ruse they used was that she was his mother but why is there a need for a ruse here?

I desperately need to know what happened to mary and eric too.

"good luck hunting elsewhere" gertrude why did you use that word. why hunting. what do you know.

alright I think that's everything. I am absolutely catatonic rn. so many things.

this was a lot.

[soppingwetguywife]

you know what boggles my mind about these takes on guillermo and his great big betrayal this season? it's the fact that some people have managed to so thoroughly divorce this arc from what happened last season as if the two don't correlate. as if the fact that nandor betrayed guillermo first and in one of the worst ways he could think of has nothing to do with where they are now

okay so there are Four of these and they're all SO correct so im gonna put all of them and my thoughts under the cut (yeah i know nobody comes to my blog for Hot WWDITS Takes (or.... for anything) but this whole situation has me pressed okay) thank you so much anon i NEED to talk about this

"and i don't mean that in the way that some have meant it in a guillermo is doing this for revenge type of way but just that freddie was his last straw but instead of leaving like he would have before he decided to stay on his own terms. he decided that for once fuck what nandor wants, he'll do what he wants instead. guillermo literally started of season 4 saying he was looking out for number one and then he didn't for MONTHS but sure he's a monster for following up on his promise to himself" "and freddie isn't just some isolated incident that doesn't have any context. take this from guillermo's pov, he spent weeks (maybe months? unclear on timeline here) preparing a wedding, being asked to do impossible shit but somehow coming through and his reward was that one moment of nandor admitting he cares for him by calling him his best man (we know he meant best friend so did memo i'm sure) and then nandor had to take that away." "'cause just so we're clear best friends don't fuck your boyfriend. there might have been some extra steps there but ultimately that is what nandor did and he didn't think to stop for a second why he was doing it, if it would hurt guillermo, just nothing. so guillermo i think was back to square one, nothing has changed nandor can be kind for one second and do something so blindingly selfish and cruel the next and this fandom really expected him to lie down and take it"

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN!!! YOU GET IT ANON!

so, i must start with this. every season, almost always, continues in a sort of vacuum. not so much that there's no continuity, because there usually is! so let's just follow guillermo, because there's a point i want to make here.

S1- guillermo learns he is a slayer. S2- guillermo reveals he has spent the past summer killing vampires to keep the house safe, which leads into the finale; guillermo goes and rescues the vampires from the theatre in a Beautiful display of murder. S3- guillermo is trapped in a cage, because of that Beautiful display of murder, which leads into the finale; guillermo agrees to go away with nandor on a world trip and eventual turning (this goes wrong, which leads to) S4- guillermo finally returns from being stuck in england, a year AFTER the end of s3, which leads into the finale; guillermo goes to derek to be turned.

NOW. let's assess where the VAMPIRES start and finish throughout the seasons.

and the answer to that is; exactly where they fucking started. because s4 was right. nothing changes. colin robinson dies and is reborn and grows and in the end, he's exactly where he started. nadja grows and learns and tries to forge an identity for herself, and then she fails, and she's exactly where she started. laszlo... okay, laszlo's just along for the ride. and he LIKES where he started. nandor started as a neurotic, cool-hearted washed-up-warlord who tries to be strong, passionate, the leader that everyone looks up to. he doesn't seem to notice nobody looks up to him except guillermo, because duh, why would he notice guillermo? and every season, we're right back to where we started. we see them grow closer, and then we see them ripped apart! and every new season, we're back to joking at his expense. the only notable difference this season is that nandor sort of HAS grown more tolerant of him, a building through-line that we have only seen through guillermo, the only character that changes enough for a bond to be formed rather than assumed (ie; the foot locker, the self-help book, the being insanely jealous that laszlo is spending his time with him) (as opposed to his friendship with the vampires, one that has always been sort of assumed except for with colin robinson, something that s5e6 pretty thoroughly shattered)

this season, we are seeing the inevitability of five seasons and nearly fourteen years of guillermo assuring himself that he would get what he wanted, that he hadn't given up his family and his job and his emotions and the parts of his brain that are... well, human, for nothing. he has been promised and promised and promised that this is the time, this is when the time is right, just TRUST in the inevitability of change in a house full of people that never change and never want to. he has been growing and changing every season, growing stronger, more confident, more capable, unlike the vampires.

but because guillermo is the butt of the joke, because he HAS to be, right? because he has to always be the one that suffers (learning his bloodline kills the very thing he loves, being LOCKED UP for PROTECTING the very thing he loves, being locked in a COFFIN just when he was going to get it, and FINALLY being turned only to be turned wrong and in the most horrible, ugly way???? (well, for him, for me it was a visual treat, love me a man covered in blood)) it turns out that there's this cute little rule! one that we've never seen before (though there is some hinting toward this, i suppose, in the case of celeste, right? she never poached, only took unattached familiars. did she know? we'll never find out, i don't think!) and now the thing he loves (person he loves the most) will be his end, because of course it is, right? and of course he definitely deserves it, right? because he's the butt of the joke, the silly little human who dared to make his OWN life better rather than waiting for a day that was so clearly never gonna come unless he held them at stakepoint or he did.... exactly what he did.

nandor is the deciding factor. and from what we've seen of him for the past five seasons, he's gonna bluster and threaten and probably challenge him to a fight to the death or something stupid like that, but it's not like he has any real bite anymore anyway? but he's NEVER gonna let this go, i don't think, which is INSANE considering how much guillermo has been letting slide for YEARS in terms of his behavior.

if nandor wanted to do it himself, he should have considered 'why the hell would guillermo EVER be late to the one thing he's been telling me for years that he always wanted?'

instead we see in s4e1 that he BLAMES guillermo for leaving him, and refuses to hear anything to the contrary. and again in s5e5, he blames guillermo for not being there for them, and refuses to hear anything to the contrary. to him, the human will always be at fault, and he will always be their better, and it is going to take guillermo not BEING a human anymore to shake that out of him.

from there, it's all up to him, really! (we have to also account for the classic wwdits 'yeah they're all just idiots, they'll be totally fine with it and they'll be back to being besties by s6e2' because i have little faith in any sort of emotional continuity after every season's constant stunting of everyone's Almost-Emotional-Growth)

i genuinely do not know if this made any sense. but i wanted to talk about how the way we've watched guillermo grow and take responsibility for himself makes it so clear that he SHOULDN'T just sit down and take it, even though he seems very much like he's more than willing to. i'm not gonna touch the whole virginity and slut-shaming metaphors, because i do NOT feel qualified to discuss them, and better people have done it (though i do think a lot of them are biased toward nandor rather than guillermo) but i just think that in the lines of continuity, this was EXPECTED, and it being treated like a season-long punchline isn't particularly fair to guillermo! which is the point of the show, and the counter-point of this rant!

guillermo deserves better, he got it, and now they just have to let him HAVE it.

[wikiangela]

the boys 4x02 thoughts!

will ferrell in a vought movie??? lmao A-train looks so over it 🤣 I really want him to snap and finally do something but idk if he has it in him lol but not like he has much to lose anymore tbh

yeah they hired someone to play Noir, knew it - but dude, do not talk especially in public 🤦‍♀️

Hughie's mom was talking to his dad the last few years but couldn't reach out to her son? wow. also, why is she putting all that shit all over the room 🙄

oh no, I like Colin 😫 don't get attached, don't get attached, don't get attached 🤞🤞

aw, Kimiko's in therapy! good for her! or, I mean, she tried lol

oh wow Butcher told everyone he's dying! i really thought he'd drag it out lol

omg MM kicked him out of the team 🤣 I feel like that was inevitable 🤣

"Homeboy" is....no. can we let the boy be himself and not a copy of his dad? i mean, idk if homelander's ego can handle that actually 🤣

he's so lucky to have sage fr, but this is gonna be bad for the boys isnt it 😬

ooooh Ashley doesn't like that 👀

ofc Homelander is gonna get jealous and like they're trying to replace him with Ryan lol how did they not predict that 🤣 also, they did it before, replaced Soldier Boy with Homelander lol

Kimiko looks so cool, I love her wardrobe

Butcher is such a menace lmao pray for MM not to kill him 🤣🤣

"why is the world's smartest person in a place like this" that's a good question tbh, whyyy is she with homelander, what's her goal 🤔

this is the season Kimiko is gonna face her past isnt it 🤩 cant wait!

is that rob Benedict?? omg i didnt recognize him, only his voice lol

omg someone shut that bitch up lmao its so ridiculous but also not far off from what some people believe irl which is just sad and scary

Frenchie looks so good this season 🔥

Frenchie and Kimiko are the ultimate duo, i love them, both working together and their friendship lol

drunk kimiko is everything 🤣🤣

oh.my.god. i... did not need to see that 🤣🫣

oh poor Nathan 😭 i feel so bad for him

sooo firecracker or whatever her name is is being recruited too? wtf are they doing

Butcher did deserve to get punched tbh 💁‍♀️ MM has dealt with his shit enough

A-Train coming through lol he's always flipflopping so much 🤣

*of course* homelander steals Ryan's moment smh who could've predicted that 🙄

OMG Ryan just killed a guy, i literally gasped lol

not surprised it was a trap but fr sage is good, its not gonna be easy to defeat her 😬

there's too much dick on the screen rn lmao why all the zoom ins 🤣🤣

yesss Butcher joined! they need the full team!

homelander leave that poor child alone while he's still not completely fucked up 🙄

your mom was "only human" Ryan, remember her? 😪

oh frenchie nooo 😭 he killed Colin's family?? oh I knew something was coming but this??? how did it happen, why, wtf??? oh frenchie 😭

go hughie!! and his mom can go fuck herself 😤😤

oh kimiko is going through it 😭 i hope by the end of the season she will go to therapy lol

Butcher can go work with JDM's character now 👀👀👀

god I love this show, so excited to see where the fuck they're going (also I miss maeve 😪)

[geraltcirilla]

TV show Eloise is complex. More complex than she is in the books and more complex than show fans give her credit for. Let’s discuss.

Eloise in the show has not spoken at length on her opinion of having children, only briefly implied that she fears it (which, duh, she was 16 when she said that). You can pretty easily infer that her fear of becoming randomly pregnant has everything to do with the idea of being trapped. What happened to Marina in season 1 perfectly encapsulates the reasons Eloise would fear pregnancy and children. Marina’s options and her choices were taken away from her, she was pressured to marry quickly, and ended up with a man she doesn’t love or even like. More so we could also tie it back to the trauma of Hyacinth’s birth and how easily a pregnancy can take a life, which the show has not yet explored for Eloise but I’m sure will come up in her season (as it’s already confirmed Daphne sang to Eloise that night to cover the sounds of their mother’s screams).

The only thing Eloise has had an actual firm and concrete opinion on is marriage, and not because she hates the concept of being tied to life to someone you love. Her issues are specifically what it REPRESENTS: control, loss of freedom, and silence. And given that back then women became their husbands property, this is a completely realistic fear to have and one probably most of the women on the show have but don’t vocalize like Eloise does. If you marry a man who doesn’t love or at least respect you your life can quite easily turn to hell. 

At the end of the day, rather than fearing marriage or children, what Eloise truly fears is losing her freedom. (Colin: Do you have to be so... you? Eloise: Who else should I be? Married, and silent?) Her independence means the world to her and is a cornerstone for her character. 

Eloise’s feelings about children and marriage are FAR more complicated than “she doesn’t want to do it!” and that’s why her season is going to be incredibly interesting and compelling. Jonny Bailey himself has said he’s looking forward to Eloise’s season the most because she’s as psychologically complex as Anthony is, and we all saw how deeply Anthony struggled in season 2 accepting love despite believing in it and admiring it. “If there’s ever going to be another character that has a bigger arc as Anthony, in terms of having to overcome psychological warfare, it’s going to be Eloise.”

Eloise has even been given a very clear anxiety disorder in the show and has had multiple anxiety attacks (where something triggers her to get upset and anxious, causes her labored breathing, and then she flees the scene). This is not something she had in the books.

TSPWL did not deeply explore Eloise’s motivations, other than to say she feared losing Penelope to Colin and being alone. Season 5 is going to delve LOT deeper into her. It’s going to challenge her preconceived notions of love, marriage, and family. We’re probably gonna see Eloise get scared, anxious, act foolishly, and perhaps even run away. She’s going to be a hell of a lot more difficult to deal with in the show than she was in the books. I have to imagine she’ll be as stubborn as Anthony was. But ultimately her story will be about surrendering to love. And quite frankly, I find that premise far more exciting than what we got in the books.

Everyone needs to understand that season 5 is NOT going to be a loyal adaption to the books. It can’t be at this point. But I do believe CVD when he says they will be loyal to the book endgames. “I think that we are very true to the spirit of the books. We are very true to the main love stories, these happily ever afters. But it's a different medium, and what you can do in a book, you can’t always do onscreen.”

[moldisgoodforyou]

you’re excused

wordcount: 2.6k

warning: hinting at smut

_______

After another late night out, the group of four stumbled into the pizza shop they frequented regularly - Sophie leaned on Rafe, Colin was walking like he hadn’t had a drink all night, and James was leaning on the other side of Rafe, like liquid when he was drunk. Rafe fished his AmEx out of his pocket like usual and slid it across the counter, authoritative. “Hey man, how’s your night? We’ll take a large pepperoni.”

The cashier shrugged, pointing to the sign on the register. “Cash only, dude. Sorry man.”

“Damn, cash-only? Since when?” Colin lamented, turning to leave the pizza shop.

“Oh!” Sophie’s face lit up. “I know what to do.” She went to pull up the hem of her tank top and Rafe grabbed her insanely quick, arms wrapped tight around her chest. “Absolutely fucking not, Sophie.”

“I’m just using my assets!” She protested, squirming in his grip. He kept a tight hold on her, practically frog marching her out of the shop.

James laughed, shaking his head. “Bold move, Soph. I appreciate the effort.”

“Not in a million fucking years.” Rafe grumbled, holding her tight.

“This is blatant misogyny.” She argued, trying to wrestle her way out of his arms.

He didn’t let her move an inch. “By not letting you show your tits?”

“Yes. They’re great tits, the world deserves to see them.”

“Good god.” He sighed, only letting her go when she stopped moving. “No. Only I deserve to see them.”

“No, dude, I think she has a point. That sounds pretty misogynistic to me.” James pointed out, only for Rafe to sock him in the arm.

“Don’t ever talk about her tits again -"

“I wasn’t technically talking about her tits, I was talking about the concept -"

As the two started to wrestle, Sophie slipped back inside the pizza shop. She found three dollars in her pocket and gave it to the cashier, then returned with two large slices of pizza, handing one to Colin. The boys stopped wrestling abruptly when they saw the exchange. “Hey, wait, I want one.” Rafe protested.

“No. You didn’t let me show off my boobs.” She replied primly, taking a large bite of the pizza.

“You didn’t - Sophie. No. You didn’t.” He glanced back and forth between her and the pizza shop, confused.

Sophie grinned, strolling forward to link arms with Colin and kept walking, with no response.

Colin smirked and leaned down, whispering. “Are you gonna tell him you found cash or should I?”

“Nah. He’ll get over it.” She shrugged and tapped her crust against his. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

Rafe jogged to catch up, walking next to the two of them. “Wait, I want some. I’m hungry too.”

She made a show of taking a big bite. “Mmm. I’m sure you are. It’s really good, Rafe.”

He frowned. “Can I have the crust at least? You never eat the crust.”

“I dunno, this crust is really good this time.” She replied. “Are we still going to my place?”

“We’re going to your place?” James chimed in, unsure. He nearly tripped over his feet as he tried to shove himself in on the sidewalk so they walked four across. “I wanna go home instead.”

“No, you two aren’t coming.” Rafe shook his head, then looked to Sophie for confirmation. “Right?”

She finished the majority of the pizza and handed the rest to Rafe, holding back a smile at the grin that lit up his face. “Yeah, it’s just us. Unless you guys want to…?”

“No, we’ll go home.” Colin nodded up at the upcoming intersection. “This is us anyways, we’ll see you ‘round. James, this way, buddy.”

“Bye!” James waved, peeling off with Colin. Once they were out of sight and Rafe finished the pizza, he glanced over at her, unsure.

“You didn’t really flash that guy, did you?”

“Might have.” She shrugged. “Does it matter?”

“Yes, it matters.”

“Okay. No, I didn’t, I found cash in my pocket. I would have though.”

“I know you would have.” He grumbled. “How drunk are you?”

She squinted, holding up her thumb and her pointer finger close together. “Only a lil’ bit. We can still hook up, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”

He groaned, rolling his eyes. “You have to stop calling it hooking up. We’ve been dating for nearly a year.”

“Eleven months is not nearly a year.” She retorted, checking her hip against his. “What do you wanna do?”

“We’re still sticking to that November date instead of Halloween? Huh?”

“Yeah. We are. What position?” He could tell she was drunk because she spoke a little too loudly, her tongue slipping over some of her words. “We could do reverse cowgirl, 69 - we haven’t tried that, um -”

“Sophie -”

“Missionary, I guess, but that’s kind of boring -”

“Jesus, Soph, please shut up -”

She raised her eyebrows, stepping in front of him to cut him off. “Excuse me?”

He sighed and reached into his pockets, adjusting his shorts, and was thankful it was dark enough to hide his situation. “You’re excused. Can we go home?”

Her eyes flicked down to below his belt and back up to his eyes, with a smug grin. “What are you gonna do to me?”

“Sophie.”

“I bet you wouldn’t even last if I go down on you. You’re so predictable.” Sophie smirked, knowing she was pushing Rafe to his limit.

He reacted instantly, reaching out and catching her forearm and pinned her against a parked car in the alley, caging her in around her head with his forearms.

She inhaled sharply, caught off guard with wide eyes.

He grinned, leaned in close and whispered in her ear. “What was that?”

“Um. I, uh, I don’t know.” She stuttered, feeling her knees go a little weak as his lips brushed against the shell of her ear.

“Something about me being predictable?” He supplied, giving her a kiss on the cheek then pulled away like nothing had happened. “Hm?”

She took a moment to compose herself, swallowing hard. “You’ve done that before.”

“No I haven’t.” He argued, taking her hand.

“You have.” She nodded, slipping her hand into his. “Halloween, when I finally told you how I felt.”

“You remember that?”

“I remember every damn detail of that night.” She replied with a grin, her eyes bright. “You combed back your hair but had one little strand out of place, it kept falling into your eyes on top of your glasses. When you kissed me I was almost convinced to hook up with you right then and there but I was afraid I’d ruin it and you wouldn’t want to see me again.”

“Sophie.” His tone took on a serious edge and he slowed their pace a little so he could look her in the eye. “No matter what had happened that night, I knew I had to find a way to keep talking to you after that class. Hell, I’d have settled on going back to arguing every day if I meant I’d still get to see you.”

She blushed, grateful they made it to her house and even more grateful her roommates were back at the bar. “You’d still fight with me?”

He nodded, punching in his code to let them in. “I would.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know, about the stupid shit we always fought about.”

“Give me an example.” She stepped close, trapping him in between the kitchen counter and her body.

He held back an amused smile at the way she tried to take charge. “Like how you think you can get away with grinding on me at the bar with no consequences. Or how you leaned across the bar, with this top so loose and low cut that I can practically see your nipples right now, so the bartender would give you free drinks. Twice.”

She noticed his eyes darkened a little and she stood taller as a sly smirk spread across her face. “I wasn’t flirting.”

“Better not be.” He flipped positions with her quicker than she could process what was going on, lifting her up onto the counter and slotting himself in between her legs. “I don’t want anyone else even thinking they have a shot with you.”

She wrapped her legs around his waist instinctually. “I can’t help it if other people flirt.”

“You can not encourage them.” He kissed her hard, his hands immediately going to her waist. “Twirling your hair, doing that thing where you try to look all innocent with me - yes, exactly, that -”

She grinned, biting her lip as she blinked up at him. “I’m not doing anything, Cameron.”

“You absolutely are, Flint.” He growled, slipping his hands under her ass and lifting her off the counter. “You and your fucking bedroom eyes.”

“You do it more, you know.” She informed him with a smirk. “You smolder.”

“I smolder?”

“Yes. Your eyes just kind of...linger on me, then you meet my eyes, and then you lick your lips. Sometimes you’ll rub the back of your neck too, and I’m pretty sure that’s just so you can show off and flex your arms.”

“None of that is intentional.”

“Well it works.” She laughed, yelping as he started walking up the stairs. “I can handle myself -”

“You shouldn’t have to.” He cut her off with a kiss, biting her bottom lip. “Fucking tease.”

“I’m not teasing.” She insisted, breathless as he gripped her ass a little tighter, pressing her against the wall at the top of the stairs. “Fuck, Rafe.”

“Yeah?” He kissed her again, running the tip of his tongue along her lips. “Tell me what you want.”

“You taste like pizza crust.” She mumbled, laughing when he pulled back with a quizzical expression. “Sorry. Sorry. Got distracted.”

Rafe rolled his eyes, carefully setting her down. “Fine, I’ll go brush my teeth -”

“No!” She grabbed his wrist as he moved to walk down the hallway. “C’mere. Need you.”

A slow smirk spread across his cheeks as he stepped back in her space, reaching out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “Yeah? You need me, baby?”

She bit her lip, staring up at him with wide eyes as she nodded.

He slowly stepped forward, gently pushing her up against the wall as he slid one of his thighs in between hers, his chest touching hers with every rise and fall of their breath. “Tell me.”

“Tell you…?” She echoed, hands going to his waist.

“Tell me. Tell me what you want.”

Sophie blushed, breaking eye contact. “Rafe, I’m not gonna -”

“Fine, then I won’t touch you.” He replied, raising his hands as he backed away with a smug smile, but he barely got back before she wrapped her hand around the back of his neck, yanking him down to her level so she could kiss him, hard.

“Stop, fuck, you’re teasing.”

“I’m -” He pulled back just enough to lift her up, tapping the back of her thighs to signal for her to wrap her legs around his waist. “Fuck. M’not. Just wanna hear you.”

“Oh, you’ll hear me.” She promised, sucking a spot against his neck. “You’ll hear me, baby. All night.”

He paused, breath catching. “I kinda have a work meeting at 8am tomorrow -”

Sophie laughed, pecking his lips. “You know damn well when I say all night I don’t mean it.”

“Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, got it. Okay, fuck, keep saying sexy shit to me.” He exhaled, nodding quickly as he strode into her room and kicked the door shut behind him. The door slammed especially hard and she winced when he dropped her to the bed.

“C’mon, Cameron, door’s gonna jam now.”

“Don’t care. I’ll figure it out. Take your shirt off.”

“Demanding.”

“You like it when I’m in control.” He pointed out, grinning when she let him tug off her crop top and unbutton her jeans. “Okay, c’mon, hips up.”

She obliged, lifting her hips and helped wiggle the denim down her legs. He pressed kisses down her thighs as he tugged them off, grinning.

“Fuck, you’re hot.”

“I know.”

He just laughed, pulling back to tug his shirt over his head. “I love your confidence.”

“I love you.” She replied, moving a little up the bed.

Rafe beamed ear to ear, fumbling with the button on his corduroy pants. “I’m never gonna get tired of that. Ever. Fuck. Will you?”

“Will I get tired of it?”

“No, my -” He gestured helplessly at his stuck button, yanking on his pants. “It’s these new pants you convinced me to buy, I look like I’m straight out of a fucking Ralph Lauren ad.”

“Oh, so nothing new.”

“Sophie -” he sighed, exasperated, but cut himself off quickly when her fingers teased under the waistband of his boxers. “No, keep going.”

“Magic word?” She tugged him forward, pushing his pants down to pool around his ankles until he kicked them aside.

“Suck me off?”

“Rafe.”

“Oh, sorry. Please suck me off?”

“Rafe Cameron.” She rolled her eyes, flicking his abs, and got up on her knees on the bed then pulled him down to kiss him, hard.

“Sophie Flint.” He grinned, running his fingers through her hair. “God, you’re so fucking pretty.”

“Keep that up, really does wonders for my ego.” She breathed out, moaning when he tugged on her hair a little. “Fuck. I need you.”

“But I wanted to -”

“Rafe.” She pleaded, looking up at him with doe eyes, and that was all he needed to reach into his nightstand and grab a condom.

“Okay, okay, hold on -”

“We don’t have to -”

“Yes, we have to, you nearly broke up with me last time we didn’t -”

“I did not -” Sophie huffed, exasperated. “Are you going to fuck me or not?”

“Fuck you? Baby, I’m gonna -” He grinned, making Sophie roll her eyes before he even opened his mouth again, and sang, horribly off key. “I’ll make love to you…like you want me to…”

“You’re so weird when you’re drunk.” She giggled, grabbing his hand to tug him onto the bed, shaking her head as he stood there, completely naked, singing way louder than he should have been for nearly 3am on a Sunday.

“You love it. Love me.” He insisted, letting his full weight fall on top of her as he pinned her to the bed.

Sophie grinned, grabbing his chin so she could kiss him properly. “I do.”

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” He replied with a grin, kissing her hard and slow, swiping his tongue against her lips.

“Stooooppp.” She whined, blushing. “Get in me already.”

“I love it when you talk dirty to me.” He smirked, gripping her hips. “Tell me more.”

“I don’t know why you’re dragging this out when you could literally be fucking me right -"

“Making love -"

“Okay, Romeo, whatever you say -"

He laughed, clearly not concerned about time, and leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. “Love you.”

“Love you too. Please fuck me.”

“Yes ma’am.”

taglist: @drewstarkey @lemur46 @jjmaybanksbaby @edgeofgr8 @quxxnxfhxll @obxtess @hoodpankow @vtgirl802 @outerbankies @messagesinthesky @nicolecarsley @svechnikolan @ilovejjmaybank @obxtess @abbyj1822 @oopsiedoopsie23 @g4bster @jjmaybankzz @freddymaybank @dontjinx-it @illbesafeforyou @moniamaybank @tovvaa @jailcalledlife @sunshineitsfine44 @randomficsandshit @outerbankspreferences @outerbanksbro @karsinner @kkmaybank @whoeveniskendall @lemur46 @outerbankies @proactivetypeofperson @gloriousmoneyrascalbiscuit

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Looking for a Place to Happen 5

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape, age gap, general stupidity, some violence and threats, coercion, manipulation, trauma, sextoy, recording, anal.

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: It was close but y’all wanted more Birch!Sam so here we go. This one is... porn. Let’s be honest lmao.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 5: Come on in, sit right down

💀💀💀

It was a pain you’d never felt before. It was more than physical, it was deep, it was like part of you was missing. Something taken from you. More than just that outdated concept of purity that you never bought into, more so your autonomy. You never felt very in control of your life, trapped in the small town with dreams but now your life was completely out of your grasp.

Sam left late, some time after midnight. It didn’t matter, you still felt him inside of you. You tried to rinse him off of you, out of you, but the shower only left you cold and hollow. You gave up on sleep just after five in the morning and you typed in a trance, barely thinking as your fingers fluttered over the keyboard.

Hours passed like days and you descended as you heard your nan below, the clink of her heavy cast iron pot on the stove. She cooked her oatmeal in it and it was heavy enough to hammer back in the loose floorboard in front of the fridge. She offered you some as you entered the kitchen and you sat at the table with a sigh.

“Is that man coming back?” she asked.

You tilted your head at her as she put a bowl in front of you and the bag of sugar just for you. You sprinkled the brown granules over your oatmeal and added milk, “you looking forward to it?”

“The only reason I didn’t spray Lysol in his eyes was because of you, girly,” she sat heavy with the jar of artificial sugar and the little cinnamon container, “you know I’d do anything to keep you safe even if you’re too dumb for your own good.”

You nodded and scooped up the thick oatmeal. You pushed your tongue through the oats and said nothing.

“I told you to stay away from that bar,” she huffed. The crotchety old lady was back.

“You seemed happy enough about the pie and wine,” you shrugged.

“You think I don’t know his kind. I’m an old lady, that won’t keep him from cracking my skull like poor old Mikey Rae,” she tutted, “that was the first biker I fucked with.”

“Nan,” you gasped at her language.

“Well, you’re an adult now. Gonna have to grow up quick if you messin’ with those boys,” she pointed her spoon at you, “but you say the word and I’ll twist his balls off. Being old only means I gotta be patient.”

You couldn’t help but snicker. You knew she was serious and you realised then that it was all a show. A cautious act that you’d mirrored for her own sake. But this was a problem you had to deal with yourself. The one thing you couldn’t live with was bringing harm to the woman who raised you.

“No ball twisting, nan,” you shook your head, “alright?”

“For now,” she returned, “but you be careful, girly. You’re in deep enough.”

“I know,” you bit the edge of your lip, “nan?”

“Mmm,” she grumbled as she swallowed.

“Mikey Ray, if he was one of them, who bashed him?” you asked.

“The second one, Colin,” she frowned, “cocky bugger, took what he wanted… until he got what he couldn’t handle.”

“And what happened to him?”

It was the most your nan ever told you about those days, more inclined to talk about her hippy festivals and protest arrests.

“I twisted his balls off,” she snickered, “in a manner of speaking.”

You drew your brows together as you watched her take another bite and she opened the pocket book of crosswords she kept on the table.

“In a manner of speaking?” you wondered.

“I plead the fifth,” she took the pencil from between the pages and adjusted her thick glasses, “but he wasn’t around to cause me any trouble.”

You shoved another spoonful into your mouth and sat back. You always thought your nan was a tough old bitch, you couldn’t imagine what she was like when she was your age.

💀

Sam showed up just after noon. You weren’t surprised but you weren’t happy either. You were only thankful he came in the back. You didn’t need Nan following through on her threats and you would rather she didn’t know about the visit. If you were fortunate, she didn’t notice him for her knitting.

He knocked on your door and you unlocked it. He made no move to enter as he twirled your phone between his fingers.

“Charged it last night,” he smiled, “thought we could have some more fun.”

“I’m working,” you said quietly.

“Did I ask?” his lips straightened and he tilted his head, “and it’s about time you came over. Kind feels off with the old lady just on the other side of the wall.” You winced at the memory of the night before. He noticed and chuckled. “Kinda hot too but… still,” he mused.

“You can’t come back later?” you crossed your arms.

“You were so good last night,” he said, “I don’t like this little game you’re playing so don’t make me give the old lady a show. Let’s go.”

You dropped your arms and grabbed your thinner jacket from the back of your chair and shoved your feet into your zip up Martens. He waited with his arm across the open door and you stepped past him as his other hand went to your ass and squeezed. He closed the door and followed you down the wooden steps.

The snow wasn’t as deep as the first fall and you crunched through to the sidewalk. He placed his arm over your shoulders as he ushered you along to the main road. You passed The Asp and cut through the lot as he waved to other members of the club.

“I talked to Bucky, let him know you won’t be an issue any longer,” he said, “right?”

“Right,” you echoed and hugged yourself against the bitter air.

“Aw, honey, don’t worry, we’re about to get you warmed up,” he led you down another side street and up the paved walk of a pale blue house, “this is my place, Chez, uh, Wilson.”

He let you inside and nudged you further in as he followed. You slid out of your boots and he helped you out of your jacket. His impatience showed as he unzipped his coat and tore off his own boots. He took out your phone and grinned.

“Today,” he held it up, “you can get this back… if you earn it.”

You stared at him and picked at the hem of your shirt. His eyes followed the movement of your fingers and he licked his lips.

“Why yes, you can take that off, that’s a great start,” he purred, “all of it.”

You clenched your teeth and gripped the fabric nervously. He shouldered past you and pointed across the front room.

“You can go wait for me in there,” he said, “I’ll be a couple.”

You nodded and made to pass him but he stopped you before you could enter the living room. The place was cozy even if you didn’t want to be there. He bent and turned your face up to kiss you sloppily. He tapped your ass again as he urged you onward.

“Gotta loosen you up,” he taunted, “in more ways than one.”

You continued across the room if only to get away from him, even if it wouldn't be for long. You pushed past the painted door and entered the bedroom. The wall was hung with a large framed diagram of a Harley and another of a bike engine. There was a large poster for the Godfather and a Marvin Gaye album leaned against a retro player. The bed was made and the carpet freshly vacuumed.

You went to the dresser and looked over the dog tags that hung from a miniature statue of David. You looked up at the large mirror over the dresser and you looked as scared as you felt. You gulped down your nerves as he entered and looked away from your reflection.

He had a stool in hand and kicked the door closed. He placed it between the bed and the dresser. He kept his hands on the top and his chest flexed beneath his grey henley. He watched you knowingly and tutted.

“You’re not naked,” he said, “don’t you want this back?”

He let go of the stool and revealed your phone once more. You murmured and lifted your shirt slowly. He went to the dresser and unfolded a small metal tripod and affixed the cell to it. He angled it then slid out the top drawer. You scoffed as he turned around with a large suction dildo and stuck it to the top of the stool, your hands frozen on your open fly.

“Um, what the hell?” you sputtered.

“I think you know what the hell but I’m more than happy to give direction,” he wiggled the dildo and let it wobble as he pulled away.

You gaped at it. You couldn’t fit that whole thing in you. How were you even supposed to get yourself onto that?

“Honey, quit stalling,” he warned as he put his hands on his hips. You blinked at him and scowled, “or we can make a special post for TikTok… but I think it might be against their terms of service.”

You glanced away and pushed down your jeans. You let your socks crumple in the ankles and stood to unhook your bra. He hummed as he moved to lean against the wall beside the dresser and crossed his arms over his chest. You hesitated before you shimmied out of your panties, shying away as you eyed the stool.

“Oh,” he pushed away from the wall and reached into the drawer again. He tossed you a tube and you caught it. Lubricant. “You’re gonna wanna get some of that on there.”

You inhaled deeply and flipped open the cap. You cringed as you hovered the bottle over the tip of the dildo and squirted it onto the silicone. You spread it down the length of the toy and your hand shook. You felt him watching you as embarrassment burned through you.

You finished and capped the lube and set it on the dresser. He nodded to the toy and lifted a brow. You hid your discomfort and approached the stool. You stepped up onto the crossbar and clung to the edge of the seat as you brought your knee up. You felt as if it would all topple as you brought your other leg up.

You shuddered as you felt the tip against your cunt and you reached unsteadily between your legs. You rubbed the head of the toy against your folds to spread the lube and peeked over at Sam.

“Go on,” he ordered, “if you can get that whole thing inside you, I’ll give you your phone back.”

You gripped the toy and pushed it back to your entrance. You lowered yourself a little so it stretched you just slightly. You scrunched your nose at the discomfort and slowly eased further onto it. You got halfway and stopped as you gasped. Your fingers curled around the seat and the toy.

“You’re doing good, honey,” his voice was smoky and you looked at yourself in the mirror. The phone blocked the bottom half of the toy but you could see your cunt around the top.

You bent your knees further and groaned as your walls strained around the dildo. Your eyes watered as it hit your cervix and you arched your back to take it as deep as you could. You cried out as you reached the base.

“Whoa, you really did it,” he mused, “fuck, you look good all stretched out.”

You whimpered and adjusted your legs as you tried not to slip.

“Well, you know what to do,” he motioned up and down with his fingers.

“Please,” you breathed, “I did--”

“Not done yet,” he said pointedly.

You huffed and lifted yourself carefully. You pushed back down and let out a moan as the toy grazed your walls. The fullness was overwhelming, a painful pressure laced with pleasure. You rocked your hips as you moved on your knees and gripped the edge of the stool, mindful not to shake the stool too much.

You closed your eyes as your breath hitched. You needed more. The toy could only do so much as your clit thrummed and the wetness spread down your thighs.

“Mmmm,” Sam came around you and snaked his arm down your front. He pushed his fingers between your swollen folds and circled your bud, “you like that, don’t you, honey?”

You whined as your nerves sparked at his fingertips and you sped up. He planted his foot on the crossbar to keep the stool from tipping and you rode out your orgasm as his touch spurred you on.

“Ah, fuck,” he pressed against your back, “I’m so fucking hard.”

You panted and opened your eyes. You looked at yourself in the mirror but quickly shied away. You were weak, so weak.

He stepped around you and reached for the lube. You watched him as you didn’t move from atop the toy and he rounded you again. He drizzled the lube between your cheeks and flung the lube away. He pushed his fingers along your ass and lingered on your tight ring. You winced and tried to lift yourself off the dildo.

He caught your shoulder and held you down.

“Again,” he ordered.

You glanced at him in the mirror and he gave you a stern look as his fingers tightened around your shoulder. You held your breath and began to fuck the toy again. He nuzzled the back of your head and poked against your ass until his finger slid inside. You cried out and his hand went to your neck as he urged you on.

“Ah, honey,” he whispered against your hair.

He drew his finger in and out of your ass as a burning pressure seared through you and added to that in your cunt. 

“You can touch yourself,” he uttered as his fiery breath encircled you.

You did so without thinking. He pushed another finger into you and a squeak escaped your lips. You couldn’t help but delight in how the sensations mingled and bloomed to a new climax. He sped up in time with your hips and your legs shook as you came in a series of strangled mewls.

He kept on until you slowed to catch your breath. He slipped his fingers out of you and your head lolled as he removed his hand from your neck. You heard his zipper and as you looked back, his hand stretched across the back of your head and turned it straight. He bent so his head was next to yours and grasped your chin as he made you look at him in the mirror.

“One more time, honey,” he pulled his dick out and his tip brushed along your ass.

You tried to lift yourself off the toy but he hooked his arm around your middle and kept you on it.

“Sam, no, please,” you begged, “I can’t--”

“You can handle it all, honey,” he purred, “I know you can.”

His tip pressed to your ring as he forced you down on the toy. You exclaimed and he pushed until you stretched around the head of his cock. You gritted your teeth and threw your head back against his shoulder. 

He pulled back and pushed in again. He got deeper with each slow thrust, an inch at a time, until you were filled by him and the toy. Your eyes welled and the tears trickled down your cheeks as you held onto the stool and grunted through each tilt of his hips.

He trailed his hand down between your legs and spread your folds as he flicked your clit with his middle finger. He moved you against him and on the toy. He pushed into as the dildo reached its limit and your voice grew louder and louder. 

Through the agony, you couldn’t help but feel the unyielding tingle in your core and it crawled down your thighs and up your spine. The stool rocked with his motion but he kept you flush to him as he fucked you from behind. Your legs slipped over the side of the seat and you were impaled on the toy.

He didn’t let up as you gasped and gulped, whining as your cunt twitched around the silicone and you came as you reached back to scratch at his open jeans. He rutted into you without relent as he kneaded your thighs and his breath seared down your flesh.

“Ah, honey,” he muttered through his delighted groans, “goddamn, god-- shit, I’m gonna fill you up.”

He slammed into you as deep as he could and you felt him burst. He gave several long thrusts as rode out his orgasm and groaned. When he stilled he leaned against you and sighed.

“You can have the phone back,” he rasped as he caressed your thigh, “tomorrow.”

[divinerulerluvr]

Suspicious pt. 2

An AU where Colin Zabel is the bad guy.

No Warnings

Pairing - Colin Zabel x reader

Words - 1.3k

A/N - Per request, i wrote a part 2. Like, high request. I didn't think part 1 was good but i got a lot of people who wanted a second part so i guess here it is

Read part 1 here

- - -

It had been two weeks and, once again, there was a murder.

You were afraid that somehow, Colin would make you his scapegoat. Maybe he was done with being nice and decided to plant fake evidence in your car or something to get you arrested for the murders.

Everything had you paranoid. Every noise, every person. You were constantly on edge and it was slowly killing you.

And with Colin being a detective, he had access to damn near anything. With the internet, everything was available. Part of you was very wary about the man. You couldn’t trust him at all. He was a murderer and a good one, at that.

You had gotten a text one night from an unknown number telling you to meet him at the police station. You knew who it was. Who else would it be?

Afraid to disobey, you head to the station.

The front door was unlocked and you walk in, finding the only light that remained on in Colin’s office. Nervously, you walk into his office. He sits behind his desk, his eyes focused on the phone in his hands.

“Y/n,” he says, not even bothering to look up from his phone. “I need your help,”

“With what?” you ask, standing in the doorway of his office, afraid to walk in further. He looks up at you, turning his phone off and setting it on the desk. “I need a scapegoat and you’re gonna give me one,” he says simply.

His words make your heart sink further. He wanted you to give him an innocent person to blame his killing on?

He stares at you, your silence irritating him. “I could just make you my scapegoat if you don’t talk. It’s up to you,” he shrugs, standing from his seat and walking around the desk. You fight the urge to step back in response, keeping your feet planted.

“Why do you want a scapegoat now?”

“To put the town at ease. Once I get a scapegoat, I’m leaving. This place is... Sad,” he says, his eyes scanning the room around him.

“I can’t do that,” you say, your eyes following his as he steps closer and closer to you. “Listen to me, for fucks sake,” he warns lowly, making you swallow thickly. “It’s either you go to jail for four murders, or some person you despise goes to jail. Pick your poison, sweetheart,”

“It’s selfish,”

“Aren’t we all selfish?” he replies simply, now just inches from you. “And plus, you wouldn’t think it was selfish when you rot in prison. Don’t you have someone you hate? Someone you’d love to see rot?”

You just shake your head. Colin scoffs, not buying it for a second. “Nobody’s perfect,” he says, his voice lowered just above a whisper. “Especially… you,”

“What?” you ask, confused at his insinuation. He smiles, walking back over to his desk. “You have a record,” he states. You just shake your head, internally panicking. “No, I don’t,” you deny, trying to seem calm.

“You did, at least. You got it expunged. Isn’t that right?” he says, glancing up at you as he leans against his desk. “Looks like you were… driving drunk while underage. That’s like, two crimes all in one,” he sucks in sharply through his teeth shaking his head in a condescending manner. “That’s not good,”

You had nothing to say, so you just competed in his stare-off. His hands tucked deep into his pockets, he sighs heavily. “I’m gonna need a name, Y/n,” he orders, his words soft yet demanding. Your life depends on this.

Staying silent, you ran through the list of people who did you wrong throughout the past years. There was nobody who you’d want to send to jail. Well, except one guy.

“Mark Youens,” you say.

Colin smiles. “Good choice, doll. That one girl’s husband. He’s the perfect culprit,” Colin praises coldly, his words sincere but the context of them making you sick. “You mean Daisy,” you interrupt. Colin looks up at you, his eyebrow arched in question.

“‘That One Girl’ has a name,” you clarify. He just nods boredly, walking around the desk and writing the name you gave him down.

“You just gonna stare at me?” he asks, noticing how your gaze remained on him. You snap out of your daze, your eyes moving to the desk he stood behind. “Come here,” he says, his instruction making you scared.

Were you going to be his last kill?

You walk up to his desk, the wood separating the two of you and creating a safe distance. Colin leans on the desk, extending his hand. You flinch at the movement, afraid he was going to do something more than just graze his fingers down your cheek.

Colin chuckles, his eyes locked on yours. “You know, if I wasn’t blackmailing you, I would ask you on a date,” he comments. You display no reaction, his hand still petting your cheek affectionately.

“I wouldn’t say yes,” you bite back. He smiles, dropping his hand from your cheek. “I don’t believe you,” he shrugs.

“Cocky much?”

He shrugs, walking away from the desk and grabbing his coat from the chair. “I’ll see you tomorrow at eight a.m sharp. Got it?” he says.

“Fine,” you agree monotonously.

-

At eight a.m sharp the next morning, you meet Colin at the address he had sent you. You ended up at a local park filled with people. You saw Mare and a few other police on the small stage, a microphone and most importantly, Colin.

A loud sound echoes through the speaker as Mare taps the microphone in front of her. “We are pleased to announce the killer has been caught and is in jail. Hopefully, this will serve as some justice for all the chaos recently and put you guys at ease,” Mare announces to the people who gather before her.

Colin had brought you to some sort of town meeting about the killer being caught. “A special thank you to Detective Colin Zabel for investigating and thank you to Y/n Y/l/n for giving us the tip to find the man responsible,”

You felt your heart freeze at Mare’s word. Colin, who stood beside Mare, smiles widely as she says your name. You knew he had gotten her to say it just for kicks.

The crowd claps and you just glare at Colin who winks at you. This was all a part of his plan and you had somehow fallen directly into his sticky trap.

Slowly, the crowd disperses and you got a moment alone with Colin. You hit his arm and he turns to face you, a shit-eating grin on his lips. “You fucked me over, Zabel,” you whisper angrily, making sure nobody was around.

“How exactly? I saved your ass from being the scapegoat--”

“I saved my own ass from being the scapegoat. You were the one blackmailing me,”

He chuckles, glancing around the area as he crosses his arms. “You’re smart, Y/n,” he says, the compliment throwing you off. “I kinda have to be because of assholes like you,” you retort snappily, exhaling heavily.

“I thought you said you’d be leaving,” you add on, calming yourself. He shrugs, running his tongue over his lips. “Eh. Mare offered me a more permanent job here. Maybe Easttown isn’t so bad,” he says, taking pleasure in your disappointed reaction.

“Don’t look too excited, now,” he jokes sarcastically but you don’t react. “I’ll see you around, doll face. Maybe now that all this murder shit is over, I can take you to dinner,”

“You’re fucking delusional, Colin,” you reply.

He shrugs, a charming smile pulling on his lips as somebody walks by the two of you. “Probably. See you around, Y/n,” he says, patting your arm before walking past you, leaving you like he always did.

And of course, he had the last word.

[ladykatebridgerton]

What are your thoughts on Penelope? I don’t think she was ever that cruel in the book and honestly now I don’t know how they’re gonna redeem her in the show

I have zero problems with Penelope. She might not have been cruel per say, but Lady Whistledown wasn’t always kind and she insulted the Featheringtons a great deal, so she brought a lot on herself. I don’t think it’s something that needs to be redeemed to be honest. Marina was going to use Colin. She was going to trap him into a marriage then pretend like the baby is his. This was her plan. And quite frankly it’s a shitty plan. Penelope might’ve been brash, but she did what she thought best for Colin. She revealed it to help him. She didn’t reveal it to hurt Marina, she did it to save Colin because when she tried telling him about George, he didn’t listen. Her actions might have been bad, but her motives were guided by love and trying to protect the one person she cares about most. 

I’m super intrigued with how they’ll handle the audience knowing Whistledown’s identity and how the series will explore it further, but I don’t think it’s going to change how people see Penelope in the future. They might not be happy about it first, but it’s Penelope, they know her heart, and as Eloise said, Whistledown still has good to do. She might’ve revealed things that were bad, but she’s also done a lot of good, especially for the Bridgertons.

[blonde-toddy]

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 8

So the finale is here.

And baby do we need some resolutions.

This one is titled "After the Rain"

I hope that's a good thing.

Couples montage then lonely Violet. She was blissfully in love with her husband, that's for sure. 8 facking kids worth.

Yes Simon and Daphne are a love match....but they are ripping my heart out right now.

Why are they being so cold?!?!

Way to reference the ruse Daphne. Ugh.

I'm glad that King Granville is here.

Yes push those assholes together.

That shoulder touch. See, irresistible. They are all about each other.

The very picture of devotion, indeed.

Benny and Eloise!!!!

She's wearimg that ugly neck thing again.

No Benny, she thinks Delacroix is Whistledown.

What?!?! Francesca is coming back.

Oh Marina you still pregnant.

Now you shipping Penelope and Colin. That's not weird or anything seeing as you were ready to trap his ass.

Something is amiss!

For Violet to be so wise with her sons, she's awfully thick when it comes to Daphne. I just don't understand.

Daphne is done done done with Violets advice.

I ain't mad at her.

Aww Portia is trying to finesse her way back in. Violet can't stand her.....

Okay Daphne! Let's just hand out all kinds of forgiveness today.

Oh shit. Sir Crane!

Daphne and Portia are GONE!

Ooooh her beloved is dead dead dead.

Yeah girllllllll. All that time you thought he abandoned you. And he was at war.....shit.

What a pill.

I'm glad Daphne has some kind of friend.

Daphne and Marinas storylines are kind of bizarrely parallel.

Jesus Eloise, wtf!

Awww she's trying to save her friend.

I don't think Delacroix is Whistledown.

Oh this is so uncomfortable.....Benny on the low shit.

That shoulder shrug was cute.

"Lock. The door "

Where you going Daphne....what you doing?

Your Graces.

Awww Daphne is still trying.

Damn Simon if she deserves it, step up and give it to her.

Will and Alice ❤

Aw shit Will took Featheringtons bait.

This can't be good.

The deed to the crib?!

This man is out of his mf mind.

Stop it with Anthony and Sienna already!

Simon knows Will is up to something..........

Oh shit he's still there.

Marina you better marry him.

You a damn fool.

Good luck.....you're missing tf out I think.

Right, Portia, right.

Oh she definitely still pregnant.

What are you looking for Daphne?

Ooooh she found the letters he wrote to his father.

And she's reading the mfs.

Oh man.

Yeah girl. It's fucking awful.

Here we go again with hoe ass Anthony.

Under the bleachers. Okay you freaks.

And Will throws the fight.

Featherington is so full of shit and those bookies know he played them. That is going to go horribly. I guaranfuckingtee it.

Simon knows whats up....but he's in no position to judge ANYBODY right now.

Daphne getting serious insight.

I appreciate the relationship between Daphne and Lady Danbury.

She needs someone to be straight with her.

She's giving that mother-in-law type advice and I love it.

You really out here judging him Simon.

Will fucked up but he's still right! Worry about your wife and your life! What's this really about?!

Oh Portia...don't get too excited.

That shits coming back around.

Breakfast together. Is this progress?

Daphne has a peace about her.

She ain't giving up on her man.

To Bridgerton House they go to see Dear Francesca.

Simon is so charming. He is duplicitous af!

Suddenly everyone is just cool with everything. Okay.

Must be the edibles.

Yes girl, look at your hot husband. He is impressive.

Um. Eloise. I think you're wrong boo.

Everybody doesn't have the advantages you have homie! I'm glad Penelope checks her when she gets on that high horse.

Simon with the kiddos just laying it on thick for my girl Daph. Teasing the fuck out of her.

Even Anthony looks all proud and shit.

Delacroix still finds away to shade Portia and it's hilarious.

He lost her mf dowry.

Yes Marina. The bun is still in the oven.

Hastings house is lavish af!

Gawd that picture.

This is not the end. No. No. No.

I share in the doctors exasperation.

Idk what the fuck has happened to Anthony to turn him on his head like this.

Ok mf! You know what, take Sienna to the ball.

Finally giving her the love she deserves from you.

Oh look at these assholes looking at themselves.

"You wound me."

She's light roasting him again and it's lovely.

Come on my babies. Get it together. Y'all are precious.

Also if I ever marry, I want a regal ass portrait like that.

She wants to dance with her man. Same, girl. I want to, and I want you to, too.

Oh we have classic bantering Simon and Daphne.

Come. On. Already.

Fix it.

Fuck....the way they look at each other.

Welp. Party time.

Noooo not one LAST dance.

Ok Will flexed for his baby.

Simon still looking all judgy. Man you better get your own house in order.

Eloise is a living doll, but she's not here for the fellas just yet....or maybe ladies. Or maybe nothing at all. We'll see with her. Just not yet.

I appreciate the evolution of her and Daphnes relationship.

Aww Mr. Finch.

Portia flexing. "The Duchess extended an invitation, personally." She made sure they knew how connected she was.

They're still roasting her wack ass husband though. But fuck him.

Yep he's fucked.

Wtf does Benny do at these balls?

Awe Colin and Penelope.

Penelope bout to confess.

Well Colin killed that. Like dead in the water.

Ya boy is going to Greece.

Sorry Pen. The confession must wait.

Shes devastated. Hell nah she ain't dancing.

Oh Eloise...now is not the time.

Eloise got all that tea!!!!

Hold up this footman looks cheeky. More of him maybe.

Anthony bout to scoop his lady......SIKE.

Sienna pitting an end to this shit.

Anthony you've let her down one too many times.

And Sienna apparently has no desire to put on airs.

Are you sorry though?

And wtf do you do now?

Toss the flowers. Check.

Aww she saved Whistledown.

What a peach.

Come on assholes. Look at y'all looking at each other.

And he still plans on leaving.

Lady Danbury out here dropping wisdom. Listen, Simon, listen!

I honestly do think it's different for them. I think it's different for everyone.

Oh Daphne, Violet is dropping hot ones this time.

What a fucking pep talk.

And now they dance!!!!!

Its that slo-mo smoldering stare for me.

More rain?!

Daphne letting that shit wash her worries away. Go girl.

I mean y'all are cute but this is Daphne and Simons moment.

Cheers to the cane of Lady Danbury.

Danbury put everyone out. Her matchmaking and scheming never end.

At least Simon stayed in the rain with her.

Look at them.....

She told him bout the letters!!!!

Idk man. This love confession is on par with "I burn for you."

She wants to stay with you and love you every day. Man you have a rider. Y'all have dragged each other through the shits. Y'all need this rain.

But there's this lovely thing called a choice.

You really just gonna let her walk away this time and NOT follow her?!

Fucking hell.

Meanwhile at Featherington house.

Oh fuck.

Lord Featherington is dead. I knew that shit was going to blow up.

Fuck. Poor Portia.

Daphne just chilling.

Oh. Ok. Here comes the Duke.

Oh come on Simon. Yes you do. You know EXACTLY what to do.

Nothing else matters when y'all tangled up in them sheets.

They are just so tender!

Yes! Take it to the bed.

Daphne kissing on Simons neck and wanting to give him pleasure and affection >>>>>>>>

A million times over. Its fucking hot. Look at her honing her skillset.

Ride the mf girl!

Ok then! Flip that ass!!!

Out here long stroking the fuck out of her. Got dang.

Oh now you bout to hit that ecstacy.

Is a "congratulations" or "good job" in order?

These beautiful assholes!!!!

I just love them.

All this build up for Simon to ejaculate inside Daphne....but so worth it.

Awww poor Penelope.....

Eloise is convinced Whistledown is Delacroix.

I do love Portia.

Her and Marina grew to an understanding I think.

Marina girl, I think you're making a wise choice marrying your baby daddys brother. Just saying.

Who tf inheriting the Featherington Estate? And have we met them?

Hyacinth is forever in my heart.

Simon and Daphne got that glowwwwww.

Awwe Anthony is all broken up over Sienna.

Ahh yes Anthony, a loving union is the problem. I'm ready for your drama Hoe.

Aha! I knew Delacroix wasn't Whistledown.

Ooooh Eloise!

And you saved her ass.

Really?!?! Pen?!

I can see it a bit.

Aww Daphne is having a baby!!! She got her wish!!!

Simon looks equal parts terrified and amazed.

Aw yall keeping the alphabetical name tradition. How fucking cute.

But you know what, I'm here for it and I find myself satisfied.

And also thirsty!

That's why I went right back and started the series right over again. Yes I did. And I'm proud of that.

Now I will start the books and obsess about season 2.

What a beautiful much needled ride during these times. I feel alive again.

[coinofstone]

5x03 The Death Song of Uther Pendragon

Arthur went out to collect firewood while Merlin watched over the dying lady 🥺

They saved a woman from being burned at the stake for sorcery and she repays them with a super powerful magic artifact

"He's always like this at the anniversary of his coronation."

"I thought it was a cause for celebration?"

"It is, but it's also the anniversary of Uther's death."

I would like to refer everyone back to my 4x03 post where I point out that Uther was stabbed on Arthur's birthday, which is also the anniversary of his mother's death. Uther would've died a day or two later. So within the span of let's say, half a week, Arthur's got his birthday, his mother's death anniversary, his father's death anniversary, and his coronation. He needs a hug. It's gotta be the hardest week of the year for him, every year. Speaking from personal experience, I know I wouldn't be anywhere near as upright as Arthur is, for all his thousand yard staring.

It's a very nice sarcophagus but what is going on with Uther's left leg?

No srsly wut is this

Is it reeeeally swollen? Did he break his ankle in the fight or perhaps when he fell?

Ok I'll stop being mean

The ONE time Merlin knocks

You think this was a sex thing? I think it might've been a sex thing.

Spirit!Uther, while traumatizing in his own right, still isn't as frightening as actual King Uther could be.

Oooof I have Things To Say™️ about this. The reason Arthur chooses to use the horn, to use magic, is because, "there isn't a day that goes by when I don't think of the thing I wish I'd said to him." But when he gets to speak to Uther, he doesn't actually get to say very much at all, because Uther immediately begins criticizing everything he's done as king. Arthur doesn't get what he sought at all, instead of an opportunity to tell his father any of the things he wished to say, he gets spoken to, harshly criticized. It's a major blow. And he says as much, when the single man tear spills over and he says "this can't be the last time I ever see you" - yes the line is foreshadowing Uther's haunting of Camelot but it's also signaling that Arthur's been traumatized; he went from having had his father mortally wounded in saving Arthur's own life, to having seen his father 3+ years into Arthur's rule as King of Camelot, and point blank being told Uther is disappointed in him. Not proud of him - actively un-proud. We don't really know what exactly Arthur wanted, if he'd hoped his father would've seen all the good his way of ruling had done and praised him, but I think it's pretty safe to assume that was on the wish list.

Be careful what you wish for indeed.

I AMUSE MYSELF. (I spent two hours figuring out how to create this please appreciate me)

Merlin's angry face when Arthur tells goin what Uther said is literally all of us.

I feel terrible for this but when Percival is leaving Gaius' chambers and he stops to look at the wall-torch, I immediately flash backed to Alice Troughton on commentary in S4 saying "Percival's a bit of a wuss isn't he?"

This is also awful but this episode kind of makes me miss the castle-centric contained episodes of S1

Never any guards around when you're being attacked by the ghost of your husband's dead dad, typical.

I understand Merlin bringing Guinevere to Gaius but putting her in Merlin's bed??????

The way Bradley and Colin both convincingly jumped when they turned around and found Gaius had snuck up right behind them kills me every time.

"Poetry". What he means to say there is, 'why didn't you just tell him we were fucking, since that would actually sound less gay'

So. Merlin took the ghost visibility potion but he can't see Utter knocking over barrels and shelves and things to trap in that store room.

Also why is there a pigeon in a windowless store room? Now I'm wondering why there aren't more birds randomly flying into the citadel, cuz they do have quite a lot of open windows... you'd think that might happen now and again.

Mmmmmmmm

Hmmmmmmm

Ooooof I love a bamf husband coming through to deal with a shit-for-brains abusive father... ghost.

^^actual canon scene

Was Tony shot entirely on green for this? That unearthly blue glow even in close ups where he doesn't look like he's on a green scene makes me wonder.

The 'horseplay' scene at the end was so full of sexual tension and d/s undertones that I literally do not want to say anything lest tumblr flag this post for content.

Commentary is Angel and Rupert. The two regulars who were in the least number of scenes in this ep. Since this post is already crazy long I'll keep this brief.

Aaaaand it's the first time either of them have seen this episode 😂 wow.

They've made 'horn' jokes and Rupert's gone full on tongue in cheek dad jokes.

They are also cracking jokes on Colin being all jacked up for S5 compared to previously when he was so skinny hehe... personally I ain't mad at him 😂

Fifteen minutes into the episode and Leon makes his first appearance

The little bottles and decor things in Gaius' chambers are part of a static set so they pretty much just sit there... Angel says that some of the contents have started to go moldy and they found maggots in one of them 🤢

They're talking about Gwen's new hair and while Angel is being really diplomatic, I get the impression she's as annoyed as I am by it. It literally doesn't match her own hair at all. But she also said some people saw her without the piece on and just said 'omg you cut your hair' so I guess 🤷‍♀️

The scene where Gwen is knocked out by a vase smashing her head - Angel says she was hit with the heavier bottom piece of it, which hurt more than she was expecting, and she wound up with a bump on her head from it.

Not a word about Colin picking up Angel 😢

They're talking about childhood pets and a beverage called lilt? Anyway Angel is really clever and Rupert's corny af but he's funny and I love them both.

Oh this is interesting: Rupert says he and the director talked about having Leon walking through the corridor hand in hand with the cook when he stumbles upon Merlin and Arthur's 'poetry lesson', but they weren't allowed to do that bc it would've been just a little bit too much, or a little too tongue in cheek. Which I'm taking to mean, would've accentuated the subtext of 'poetry' too much.

Angel and Rupert didn't know how they got Uther all glowy either, though Angel said it was probably lighting

Rupert says the line where Utter got caught off, what he was gonna say was "Merlin has ... been to the gym!" 😂😂😂😂😂

They really are great together doing these things

Rupert's story was the horse he had been riding all season had a foal, and nobody even knew she'd been pregnant. They just came out one morning and saw she'd given birth, and he got a call to inform him. That's kind of sweet. I wonder if he sent them some apples or something.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Just Say the Word: Fifteen

You pushed your shopping cart ahead of you, idly digging through your purse for your keys, “Always at the bottom,” you murmur, “Fuck me.”

You can hear people. Cars. Footsteps. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing to raise the hair on the back of your neck and set you to walking faster.

All you wanted to do was find your fucking keys.

Keys you didn’t know that you didn’t have. Keys that had already been lifted out of your purse while you were considering bottles of rum. You stop by your car and thud your head against the door gently, “Damn it. Damn it. Damn it,” you mutter. 

“Missing something?”

The voice, vaguely gloating and terrifyingly familiar makes you turn. “Greg,” you say, instinctively backing up. 

“The one and only,” he said smirking, “Now angelface, we can do this two ways. The easy way or the hard way. And Brock would rather have you do it the easy way.”

“The fuck does Brock want with me?” you ask, cursing silently. This was gonna be bad. Real bad. And you weren’t sure how you were gonna get out of it. How you were gonna get word to anyone. Or who to fucking call. Cops were a death sentence. And Colin, bless him, was gonna call the fucking cops. 

“What he always wanted,” Greg snorted, grabbing your arm and pulling you forward roughly. 

“Pretty sure he’s not gonna want me bruised,” you say wincing. 

“Darlin’“ Greg said, pulling a gun from his pocket and cocking the hammer back, “Bruises are gonna be the least of your worries.”

_______

“I’m coming, hang on!”

The banging on the door was incessant and loud. It sounded like police and Colin felt his heart jump into the approximate region of his throat. When he swung the door open, the last thing he expected to see was half a biker gang.

“Jesus,” he breathed, “What-”

“There’s no time to explain,” Bucky said, “But Y/N’s in trouble. Big trouble. And she’s gonna need a doctor.”

“The cops-”

“Not if we want her back alive,” Bucky said grimly, “Be ready. I don’t know how bad this is gonna be.”

And Colin doesn’t have time to reply before Bucky is down the steps and shouting orders. 

________

Bucky glanced down at his phone and swallowed hard. Hours. You’d been trapped. Scared. For hours. But he didn’t have time to dwell on that. All there was, he told himself, was getting you back. 

And to get you back, he had to play the game. 

“Buck,” Steve said tensely, “Do we know why they took her?”

“I have a hunch,” Bucky said exhaling slowly.

Steve gestured waiting for Bucky to continue and Bucky took a deep breath, “If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone else,” he said, “Not even Nat.”

“As if Nat doesn’t already know,” Steve snorted. 

“She doesn’t,” Bucky said softly, “I wasn’t even supposed to know.”

Steve hissed and nodded. Silently giving his word that he wouldn’t let what he was about to hear go past this point and Bucky took a deep breath. 

“Do you remember that one guy Debbie dated? Back when we just started high school?”

“Which-” Steve paused, thinking and felt his eyes widen, “The creepy one?”

Bucky nodded, “The one with the son, yeah... Well. Y/N didn’t move out because her mom made her. She moved out because that fucking kid was hiding knives and shit under her bed. Stealing her panties. The whole thing. It was gross. It’s still gross. And he still wants her.”

“Wait-”

“The kid never had his dad’s last name,” Bucky said. “He had his mom’s... And after his dad went to jail, someone had to take over the empire.”

“Fuck me,” Steve groaned. 

“And every king,” Bucky said bitterly, “Wants a queen.”

__________

“Son of a bitch,” you groan, blinking back tears from the pain in the side of your face. You aren’t sure when exactly men learn exactly how to hit a woman in the face and make it hurt Just So. But you have a sneaking suspicion it’s during sex ed, sometime AFTER you all yell penis really loudly in a desperate bid to make it not funny but BEFORE you sign a thinly veiled abstinence pledge. 

“You know,” mused the man in front of you, tilting your chin up with the blade of his knife, “Dad was right. If you want a girl you have to ugly them up a little.”

You don’t say anything. There’s nothing to say that won’t give him some satisfaction. All you can do is wait. Wait and pray that Brock kills you quickly or Bucky finds you sooner. 

Or at least finds a couple scraps big enough for Colin to bury. 

[beck-a-leck]

Oh, this looks so fun! For the winter prompts how about 15. Ringing in the New Year and 17. Waiting Up All Night for Harvest Moon?

Okay, so I said I was gonna write ficlets, and instead it got a little out of control (as like, all my short fics do, so are we even surprised at this point?)

Anywho, I split the prompts, and since the first one got a little long, I’m gonna post it now and the second one will come soon. Fully story beneath the Read More Line, and no, I didn’t beta this at all so there’s probably typos galore.

Leave Me A Winter/Holiday Prompt! Just pick the characters or fandom or it’s gonna be a surprise.

Read the fic on AO3!

First thing’s first: Waiting Up All Night feat. Trio of Towns. I only ust remembered the cute af part of the Starry Night festival in the game where you get to play Santa for the kids around the towns and I couldn’t not write the story after remembering that!

Six kids scheme to finally do it, they’re finally going to catch a glimpse of Santa when he makes his annual visit on the Starry Night Festival. Santa can’t possibly be crafty enough to escape their ingenious plans. Or is he?

“Okay!” Noel said in her most serious tone, “If we all do our best, one of us is bound to catch him this year.”

The other children gathered around her responded with a chorus of affirmations and nods.

“We’re all a whole year older,” Shalk added with confidence. “I know I can stay up so much later that last year. He’s not getting away from us this year!”

“Yeah!” Alma chirped.

“We have a plan to wake us up, even if we do fall asleep,” Tatsumi said with a sly grin. Beside him, Yaichi nodded enthusiastically if silently.

Colin was the only one at the table to look uneasy with the night’s plan, “I don’t know, you guys… isn’t staying up past our bedtimes and setting up traps the kind of thing that would put us on the naughty list?”

Colin’s worries gave them pause, until Noel continued briskly, “Not at all. He can’t take us off the Nice List for something we haven’t done yet, and by the time we do it tomorrow it will be too late for him to swap out our presents for coal.”

Her sound logic eased Colin’s worry. “You sure?”

“Absolutely.” She turned to Tatsumi and Yaichi, “Tell us about your plan.”

The children bent their heads close while the brothers from Tsuyukusa laid out their plan for an alarm system in low voices. They didn’t want to be overheard by their parents or the other adults around any more than the adults did. Each group had their different conspiracies to keep close to the vest while the Starry Night Festival was fast approaching.

Tomorrow was the festival. And tomorrow night was the night of consensual breaking-and-entering, while the young adults of the three towns delivered specially selected presents to the children. As usual, Santa got all the credit, but the adults didn’t mind. They loved keeping the magic alive in the younger kids a little longer. Already Tigre and Sumomo had aged out of believing in Santa, but they had been roped into the other side of the conspiracy now and happily acted as double agents when the adults needed to know what the younger children were planning.

Each household of children had a plan.

Tatsumi and Yaichi had been surreptitiously putting together an elaborate alarm system; creating a precarious stack of books and toys in an innocuous corner of their room. All that was left to do was set up the carefully laid trip wire before bed. They had, of course, warned their parents about it, because once the alarm was tripped it couldn’t be set up again in time to try and catch Santa and they absolutely did not want a false alarm.

Shizu had warned them that Santa was far trickier than that, and he had his means of sneaking around the house, but she also baited the trap with a snack for Santa. Ittetsu had supervised his sons’ careful set-up of the trip line, and made sure the cat was kept securely in their bedroom before chasing his boys off to bed.

The brothers had utmost confidence in their trap. Santa, magical or not, couldn’t possibly see the black string in the dark room, and with it between him and his snacks (set far away from any doors, windows, or the chimney), the boys knew they would catch a glimpse of him before he had a chance to bolt. So it was with utmost faith in their contraption that Tatsumi and Yaichi settled into bed. They whispered in the darkness, wondering what kind of presents they would get. And Tatsumi couldn’t wait to gloat to the others tomorrow when he got to inform them his alarm system worked like a dream.

 Shalk and Alma had a different plan. They suspected their parents were in on the Santa racket – making sure he got in and out of the house unseen every year, the lousy accomplices. Caolila in particular was very strict about absolutely No Santa Traps, because Santa didn’t like to be tricked, and she was in close personal contact with him. They knew she was, because any time they did something naughty she got that look in her eye and lilt in her voice and liked to say, “I guess Santa will be hearing about this one too, huh?”

And Zahau wasn’t any better. In fact the whole village of grown-ups seemed to have a direct line to Santa! It wasn’t fair! Even Mithra claimed to know him – and Shalk believed her the most, because she had traveled so many places, and even she, whi didn’t know how to tell any jokes took Santa seriously.

So tricks and traps were out of the question. They would have to catch Santa the old fashioned way. Shalk and Alma, at least, were lucky to have each other and share a bedroom, because they could take turns staying awake and listening for the slightest sound of Santa in the house. And whoever was awake would wake the other and as silent as shadows, they would sneak out to catch a peek at him. It was foolproof. Taking turns sleeping meant that neither of them would be too sleepy to stay awake and listen, and without any noisy alarms or traps, Santa wouldn’t suspect a thing, so he wouldn’t run away until after they had seen him and he delivered their presents.

And of course, once they saw Santa and got a peek at their presents, they would sneak back to bed and wait until the morning to open their presents again. Because thy both knew that if their mom and dad found out they had stayed up all night and snuck out of bed, they’d be on the Naughty list until they were thirty. Caolila had been very clear about the consequences of breaking the Santa Rules, but what their mother didn’t know couldn’t hurt them.

Shalk took the first watch, sitting bolt up in bed and waiting silently in the dark while Alma slept. It was two hours before his parents even went to bed. He listened intently as the house settled into quiet. Every little sound made his heart leap. Was that Santa? No, just some villagers walking past outside and talking lowly. A creak of the floorboards! Oh, not, just the dog making a lap around the house. Shalk rested his chin on his drawn up knees as he thought sourly how even the pets were in on the Santa thing, because their dog never barked at him. The darkness and the silence pressed in around him. If he strained his ears he could hear some insects singing outside, and the very distant crash of waves on the beach, he could hear night birds chirping. He heard a lone set of footsteps in the sand, and he sat up again, heart hammering, it was him! Shalk held his breath as he listened, but Santa wasn’t being particularly sneaky ad he struck up a conversation with a flock of birds sitting in a nearby tree. Shalk sighed heavily and flopped back against his pillow, it was just Woofio, not Santa.

His eyes were tired, and his pillow felt so nice. Shalk checked the time. It would be Alma’s turn to watch in an hour, he just had to make it that long, and then he could take his turn sleeping. His eyes slid closed, he was just going to rest them for a minute.

 Colin didn’t have much of a plan, and truth be told, he wasn’t all that interested in catching Santa. He liked the surprise of waking up and finding presents and well… he wouldn’t dare way it out loud, but he wasn’t all that certain Santa had that much magic power in the first place. Sure he snuck in and out of houses without a sound, and he always brought Colin something amazing, but he never really brought Colin what he really wanted. Never ever, and he asked and prayed for it every year. But, Colin supposed, there were some gifts even Santa couldn’t deliver.

Still, he wasn’t going to be the only one of his friends to not try and catch Santa. And he had the best plan of all to prove Santa’s existence. He had been given a polaroid camera for his birthday this year, and it would be absolutely perfect for catching photographic evidence of the mystery gift-bringer. He just had to set himself up in the perfect place to snap a clear picture, and he knew just the hiding spot.

Colin dutifully went to bed without complaint. He kissed his Pa and Grandma goodnight, and listened through Megan’s Starry Night bedtime story, all the while resting his head on his camera beneath his pillow. When the story was done, Megan gave him a final kiss goodnight and tucked him in and closed the bedroom door behind her. Colin waited quietly, knowing his Pa and Grandma would be going to bed on their own shortly thereafter. Farmers didn’t get to sleep in ever, even on holidays, so they went to bed early too. He heard Megan go to bed, and then Hector shortly after, and once he was certain the adults were closed in their own bedrooms he slipped from bed and tiptoed out of his room and downstairs. Santa had always left his presents by the fireplace in previous years, so Colin hid himself behind the sofa. It faced the fireplace, and would provide a sturdy enough base to set the camera on. He took a moment to get everything in frame, there would be no time to aim carefully when Santa arrived, but with the camera in position, all he would have to do was push the button and capture his evidence.

Now all there was to do was wait. Colin didn’t know how long he might have to wait, but he suspected it would be a while. So he sat on the floor behind the couch, and curled up tight. It was a little chilly downstairs with no fire in the fireplace and all the night turned off. He wished he had remembered to slip on his slippers before sneaking down, but he didn’t want to risk going back upstairs for them. He pulled a crocheted afghan off the back of the couch and huddled up beneath it, tucking it around his cold feet. It wasn’t a very comfortable position, but he dozed anyway, snapping awake at the slightest noise.

He stirred fully awake when the clock struck midnight, last he checked it had been just after ten. Panicked, he peeked over the back of the couch, but there were still no presents. He hadn’t missed Santa. Relieved and also a little disappointed that he couldn’t go back to bed yet, he pulled the afghan around him again and prepared to wait some more.

There was a creak above him. Footsteps on the roof? Colin threw off the afghan and prepared himself and the camera, checking the view one last time. It was still perfect. He waited with bated breath for the sound of someone sliding down the chimney. There were more creaks, more footsteps.

Then the light above the stairs flashed on, and Colin recognized the heavy footsteps troding down the stairs. That hadn’t been Santa, it was his Pa. Colin sighed and pulled his camera off the back of the couch and into his lap. It had always been Pa, hadn’t it? There wasn’t a Santa at all, but his father or grandmother sneaking around the house while he was fast asleep.

Colin quickly wiped away the disappointed tears that were gathering in his eyes as Hector’s foot reached the bottom step. “Colin?” his voice was gruff, “What’re you doing down here at this hour? You’re supposed to be in bed.”

The living room light flicked on. Colin stood up, showing his Pa the camera. “I was trying to wait up for Santa.”

Hector frowned at his son for a moment before sighing. “Santa don’t come if he knows someone’s watching. He’s smarter than that. And you won’t catch him on camera either.”

Colin sniffed quietly and looked at Hector, he wasn’t carrying any presents or hiding anything behind his back, he was just standing there in his pajamas and bathrobe and slippers. Hector gestured Colin over to the couch, and he sat down and pulled his son into his lap. His rough thumb brushed gently across Colin’s cheek, where one tear had managed to escape. “What’s the matter, son? What’re you crying for?”

Colin fiddled with his camera for a moment, he almost didn’t want to ask. Whether the answer was ‘yes’ or ‘no’ they were both equally scary options. But he had to be brave, so he sucked in a breath and asked, “Pa, is there such a thing as Santa?”

Hector was silent for a moment, before saying, “Of course there is.”

“So you’re not the one who brings me presents?”

“I most certainly am not.” Hector was smiling now, and Colin smiled too.

“Really?”

“Really. But, if you’re not in bed and asleep, Santa’s bound to try and skip you this year. He’s a busy man after all, and he doesn’t have all night to wait for just you to go to bed so he can bring your presents.”

Colin felt a strike of alarm. “Is it too late?!”

“Not at all, not if you go back to bed now and try your hardest to fall asleep. And,” Hector took the camera from his son’s hands, “I’m going to hold onto this, in case you get tempted.”

Colin leapt to his feet, “I gotta go then!”

“Quietly!” Hector warned in a whisper. “Don’t wake your grandma, she’s good friends with Santa.”

Colin made a show of zipping his lips and then tiptoes as quickly and quietly as he could back to bed. Hector watched him go and waited to hear his bedroom door close. That was a close one. She checked to make sure the front door was unlocked and flicked on the porch light. Santa, when he got around to their house, would know it was safe to enter.

 Noel was absolutely certain, bound and determined, and perfectly confident in her ability to stay awake all night. She had purposefully drank a lot of sugary drinks, because her mom always said they made her hyper, and when she was hyper she was never sleepy. She was practically bouncing off the walls as she brushed her teeth and put on her special Starry Night pajamas.

“Alright,” Miranda said briskly, ushering her daughter from the bathroom into her bedroom. “Go pick the story you want to read to your grandparents, we gotta call them soon before it gets too late.”

This was another Starry Night tradition. Noel and Miranda always called her Grandmas, and in the past, Noel’s grandmothers would read her a bedtime story, but this year, Noel wanted to surprise them with her newly learned reading prowess and read them a story for a change. She already knew what story she was going to read them. She had rehearsed the tale so much she practically had it memorized, special voices and funny sound effects and all. They would love it.

“Okay, phone in my room, let’s go.”

Noel ran from her bedroom to her mother’s bouncing on her big bed while Miranda dialed the phone. The line rang for a moment before it picked up and Noel hear the voiced of her two most favorite old ladies in the whole world. There was a lot of the usual back-and-forth “Hello Mimi. Hello Noel. Hello Nanna. Hello Noel.” and Miranda catching up quickly with her moms, and Noel telling her grandmas all about her life. They were a talkative family, but they all came by it honestly. Finally, after much anticipation, Noel announced that she was going to read the story tonight, something that surprised and pleased her grandmothers.

“Whenever you’re ready, baby girl,” Mimi said encouragingly.

Miranda set the phone receiver on the bedside table. “I think I left the shop light on, you go ahead and read, Noel, and remember to speak clearly so they can hear you through the phone.” She pecked her daughter on the head and scurried from the room.

Noel opened her storybook, cleared her throat, and began reading in a rather loud voice.

“And they lived happily ever after! The End.” Noel snapped her book shut amidst a chorus of applause over the phone line.

“That was wonderful, dear!” Nanna cheered. “I think we might have another performer in our family.”

“Indeed we do,” Miranda chuckled. “Next time y’all visit, she’ll have a special song for you. But now, it’s time for a certain little girl to be in bed. Otherwise Santa won’t be able to come.”

“Well now, we don’t want to miss out on Santa,” Mimi agreed.

They exchanged a great many ‘goodnights’ and ‘goodbyes’ and ‘I love yous’ until finally Miranda returned the phone to the cradle. “Alright, missy, time for bed.”

Noel dragged her feet. “I’m not sleepy.”

“Well, you still gotta be in bed in the dark. You know the rules.”

She groaned. “I’m thirsty.”

“I got you a cup of water when I went to turn off the shop light. It’s waiting on your bedside table.”

She sighed and cast a glance to the still-lit family room. “Can I check and see if Santa came?”

Miranda tutted impatiently, “You haven’t even gone to sleep yet, silly child, how could he possibly have come into the house while you were wide awake?”

Noel was out of excuses. Miranda tucked her into bed and sang her a lullaby and kissed her goodnight. As she left, she turned on the radio so it would softly sing Noel to sleep, then she turned off the light and closed the door.

Noel tossed and turned under her blankets, her strategy to stay awake was, if she didn’t lie too still she wouldn’t get comfy and fall asleep. It was hard though, as her earlier energy had all seemed to disappear and now she felt heavy and tired, and the soft music wasn’t helping much either. But she was determined to stay awake all night. She had to hear Santa arrive.

And she did it! She really did. She stayed awake all night… even if maybe there were a couple times when she rested her eyes and suddenly hours had passed, she knew she didn’t once sleep deep enough to miss hearing Santa on the rooftop. And yet, in the morning, her presents were there and she still had no idea how he possibly could have done it.

[letterboxd]

Life in Film: Ben Wheatley.

As Netflix goes gothic with a new Rebecca adaptation, director Ben Wheatley tells Jack Moulton about his favorite Hitchcock film, the teenagers who will save cinema, and a memorable experience with The Thing.

“The actual process of filmmaking is guiding actors and capturing emotion on set. That’s enough of a job without putting another layer of postmodern film criticism over the top of it.” —Ben Wheatley

Winter’s coming, still no vaccine, the four walls of home are getting pretty samey… and what Netflix has decided we need right now is a lavish, gaslight-y psychological thriller about a clifftop manor filled with the personality of its dead mistress—and a revival of one of the best menaces in screen history. Bring on the ‘Mrs Danvers’ Hallowe’en costumes, because Rebecca is back.

In Ben Wheatley’s new film adaptation of Daphne du Maurier’s best-selling 1938 novel, scripted by Jane Goldman, Lily James plays an orphaned lady’s maid—a complete nobody, with no known first name—who catches the eye of the dashing, cashed-up Maxim de Winter (Armie Hammer).

Very quickly, the young second Mrs de Winter is flung into the intimidating role of lady of Manderley, and into the shadow of de Winter’s late first wife, Rebecca. The whirlwind romance is over; the obsession has begun, and it’s hotly fuelled by Manderley’s housekeeper, Mrs Danvers (Kristin Scott Thomas, perfectly cast).

Each adaptation of du Maurier’s story has its own quirks, and early Letterboxd reactions suggest viewers will experience varying levels of satisfaction with Wheatley’s, depending on how familiar they are with both the novel and earlier screen versions—most notably, Alfred Hitchcock’s 1940 Best Picture winner, starring Laurence Olivier Joan Fontaine, and Judith Anderson.

Why would you follow Hitchcock? It’s been 80 years; Netflix is likely banking on an audience of Rebecca virgins (the same kind of studio calculation that worked for Bradley Cooper’s A Star is Born). Plus, the new Rebecca is a Working Title affair; it has glamor, camp, Armie Hammer in a three-piece suit, the sunny South of France, sports cars, horses, the wild Cornish coast, Lily James in full dramatic heat, and—controversial!—a fresh twist on the denouement.

A big-budget thriller made for a streamer is Wheatley coming full circle, in a way: he made his name early on with viral internet capers and a blog (“Mr and Mrs Wheatley”) of shorts co-created with his wife and longtime collaborator, Amy Jump. Between then and now, they have gained fans for their well-received low-to-no budget thrillers, including High-Rise, Kill List and Free Fire (which also starred Hammer).

Over Zoom, Wheatley spoke to Letterboxd about the process of scaling up, the challenge of casting already-iconic characters, and being a year-round horror lover. [The Rebecca plot discussion may be spoilery to some. Wheatley is specifically talking about the du Maurier version, not his film.]

Armie Hammer and Ben Wheatley on the set of ‘Rebecca’.

Can you tell us how you overcame any concerns in adapting a famous novel that already has a very famous adaptation? How did you want to make a 1930s story relevant to modern audiences? Ben Wheatley: When you go back to the novel and look at how it works, you see it’s a very modern book. [Author Daphne du Maurier is] doing stuff that people are still picking up the pieces of now. It’s almost like the Rosetta Stone of thrillers—it tells you everything on how to put a thriller together. The genre jumping and Russian-doll nature of the structure is so delicious. When you look at the characters in the book, they’re still popping up in other stuff—there’s Mrs Danvers in all sorts of movies.

It remains fresh because of its boldness. Du Maurier is writing in a way that’s almost like a dare. She’s going, “right, okay, you like romantic fiction do you? I’ll write you romantic fiction; here’s Maxim de Winter, he’s a widower, he’s a good-looking guy, and owns a big house. Here’s a rags-to-riches, Cinderella-style girl. They’re going to fall in love. Then I’m going to ruin romantic fiction for you forever by making him into a murdering swine and implicating you in the murder because you’re so excited about a couple getting away with it!”

That’s the happy ending—Maxim doesn’t go to prison. How does that work? He’s pretty evil by the end. It’s so subtly done that you only see the trap of it after you finish reading the book. That’s clearly represented in Jane Goldman’s adaptation that couldn’t be done in 1940 because of the Hays Code. That whole element of the book is missing [in Hitchcock’s Rebecca]. But I do really like this style of storytelling in the 1930s and ’40s that is not winky, sarcastic, and cynical. It’s going, “here’s Entertainment with a big ‘E’. We’re going to take you on holiday, then we’re gonna scare you, then we’re gonna take you around these beautiful houses that you would never get a chance to go around, and we’re gonna show you these big emotions.”

After High-Rise, you ended up circling back to more contained types of films, whereas Rebecca is your lushest and largest production. How was scaling up for you? Free Fire does feel like a more contained film, but in many ways it was just as complicated and had the same budget as High-Rise, since it’s just in one space. Happy New Year, Colin Burstead is literally a contained film, that’s right. What [the bigger budget] gave me was the chance to have a conversation where I say I want a hotel that’s full of people and no-one says you can’t have any people in it. You don’t have to shoot in a corner, so that scale is suddenly allowed.

Elisabeth Moss and Tom Hiddlestone in Wheatley’s ‘High-Rise’ (2015).

The other movies I did are seen as no-budget or, I don’t even know the word for how little money they are, and even though High-Rise and Free Fire were eight million dollars each, they’re still seen as ultra-low budget. This is the first film that I’ve done that’s just a standard Hollywood-style movie budget and it makes a massive difference. It gives you extra time to work. All the schemes you might have had to work out in order to cheat and get around faster, but now it’s fine, let’s only shoot two pages today. We can go out on the road and close down all of the south of France—don’t worry about all the holidaymakers screaming at you and getting cross! That side of it is great.

You had the challenge to cast iconic actors for iconic roles. What were you looking for in the casting? What points of reference did you give the actors? I don’t think we really talked about it, but [Armie Hammer] definitely didn’t watch the Hitchcock version. I can understand why he wouldn’t. There was no way he was going to accidentally mimic [Laurence] Olivier’s performance without seeing it and he just didn’t want to have the pressure of that. I think that’s quite right. It’s an 80-year-old film, it’s a beloved classic, and we’d be mad if we were trying to remake it. We’re not.

The thing about the shadow that the film cast is that it’s hard enough making stuff without thinking about other filmmakers. I’ve had this in the past where journalists ask me “what were your influences on the day?” and I wish I could say “it was a really complicated set of movies that the whole thing was based around”, but it’s not like that. When you watch documentaries about filmmakers screening loads of movies for their actors before they make something—it’s lovely, but it’s not something I’ve ever done.

The actual process of filmmaking is guiding actors and capturing emotion on set. That’s enough of a job without putting another layer of postmodern film criticism over the top of it—“we’ll use this shot from 1952, that will really make this scene sing!”—then you’re in a world of pain. Basically, it’s my interpretation of the adaptation. The book is its own place, and for something like High-Rise, [screenwriter Amy Jump] has the nightmare of sitting down with 112 pages of blank paper and taking a novel and smashing it into a script. That’s the hard bit.

Armie Hammer and Lily James in ‘Rebecca’.

Current industry news is not so great—cinemas are facing bankruptcy, film festivals in the USA are mostly virtual, Disney is focusing on Disney+ only. How do you feel about a future where streaming dominates the market and the theatrical experience becomes, as we fear, an exclusive niche? Independent cinema was born out of very few movies. If you look at the history of Eraserhead—that film on its own almost created all of cult cinema programming. One movie can do that. It can create an audience that is replicated and becomes a whole industry. And that can happen again, but it needs those films to do that. They will come as things ebb and flow. The streamers will control the whole market and then one day someone will go “I don’t want to watch this stuff, I want to watch something else” and they’ll go make it.

It’s like The Matrix, it’s a repeating cycle. There’ll always be ‘the One’. There’s Barbara Loden in 1970 making Wanda, basically inventing American independent cinema. So I don’t worry massively about it. I know it’s awkward and awful for people to go bankrupt and the cinemas to close down, but in time they’ll re-open because people will wanna see stuff. The figures for cinemagoers were massive before Covid. Are you saying that people with money are not going to exploit that? Life will find a way. Remember that the cinema industry from the beginning is one that’s in a tailspin. Every year is a disaster and they’re going bust. But they survived the Spanish Flu, which is basically the same thing.

Two months ago, you quickly made a horror movie. We’re going to get a lot of these from filmmakers who just need to create something this year. What can you identify now about this inevitable next wave of micro-budget, micro-schedule pandemic-era cinema? I’ve always made micro-budget films so that side of it is not so crazy. There will be a lot of Zoom and people-locked-in-houses films but they won’t be so interesting. They’re more to-keep-you-sane kind of filmmaking which is absolutely fine. Where you should look for [the ‘pandemic-era’ films] is from the kids and young adults through 14 to 25 who’ve been the most affected by it. They will be the ones making the true movies about the pandemic which will be in like five years’ time.

People going through GCSEs and A-Levels [final high-school exams in England] will have had their social contracts thoroughly smashed by the government after society tells them that this is the most important thing you’re ever gonna do in your life. Then the next day the government tells them “actually, you’ve all passed”, then the next day they go “no, you’ve all failed”, and then “oh no, you’ve all passed”. It’s totally bizarre. Anyone who’s in university at the moment [is] thinking about how they’ve worked really hard to get to that position and now they’ve had it taken away from them. That type of schism in that group will make for a unique set of storytelling impetus. Much more interesting than from my perspective of being a middle-age bloke and having to stay in my house for a bit, which was alright. Their experience is extreme and that will change cinema.

Kristin Scott Thomas as Mrs Danvers in ‘Rebecca’.

It’s time to probe into your taste in film. Firstly, three questions about Alfred Hitchcock: his best film, most underrated film, and most overrated film? It’s tricky, there’s a lot to choose from. I think Psycho is his best film because, much like Wanda, it was the invention of indie cinema. He took a TV crew to go and do a personal project and then completely redefined horror, and he did it in the same year as Peeping Tom.

There’s stuff I really like in Torn Curtain. Certainly the murder scene where they’re trying to stick the guy in the oven. It’s a gut-wrenching sequence. Overrated, I don’t know. It’s just a bit mean, isn’t it? Overrated by who? They’re all massively rated, aren’t they?

Which film made you want to become a filmmaker? The slightly uncool version of my answer is the first fifteen minutes of Dr. No before I got sent to bed. We used to watch movies on the telly when I was a kid, so movies would start at 7pm and I had to go to bed at 7:30pm. You would get to see the first half-hour and that would be it. The opening was really intriguing. I never actually saw a lot of these movies until I was much older.

The more grown-up answer is a film like Taxi Driver. It was the first time where I felt like I’d been transported in a way where there was an authorship to a film that I didn’t understand. It had done something to me that television and straightforward movies hadn’t done and made me feel very strange. It was something to do with the very, very intense mixture of sound, music and image and I started to understand that that was cinema.

What horror movie do you watch every Hallowe’en? I watch The Thing every year but I don’t tend to celebrate Hallowe’en, to be honest. I’m of an age where it wasn’t a big deal and was never particularly celebrated. I find it a bit like “what’s all this Hallowe’en about?”—horror films for me are for all year-round.

What’s a brilliant mindfuck movie that perhaps even cinephiles haven’t seen? What grade of cinephile are we talking? All of the work by Jan Švankmajer, maybe. Hard to Be a God is pretty mindfucky if you want a bit of that, but cinephiles should know about it. It’s pretty intense. Marketa Lazarová too.

‘Marketa Lazarová’ (1967) directed by František Vláčil.

What is the greatest screen romance that you totally fell head over heels for? I guess it’s Casablanca for me. That would be it.

Which coming-of-age film did you connect to the most as a teenager? [Pauses for effect] Scum.

Who is an exciting newcomer director we should keep our eyes on? God, I don’t know. I would say Jim Hosking but he’s older than me and he’s not a newcomer because he’s done two movies. So, that’s rubbish. He doesn’t count.

[Editor’s note: Hosking contributed to ABCs of Death 2 with the segment “G is for Grandad” while Wheatley contributed to The ABCs of Death with the segment “U is for Unearthed” and also executive produced the follow-up film.]

What was your best cinema experience? [Spoiler warning for The Thing.]

Oh, one that speaks in my mind is seeing The Thing at an all-nighter in the Scala at King’s Cross, and I was sitting right next to this drunk guy who was talking along to the screen. It was a packed cinema with about 300 people, and someone at the front told him “will you just shut up?” The guy says “I won’t shut up. You tell me to shut up again and I’ll spoil the whole film!” The whole audience goes “no, no, no!” and he went “it’s the black guy and the guy with the beard—everyone else dies!” That made me laugh so much.

Do you have a favorite film you’ve watched so far this year? Yeah, Zombie Flesh Eaters.

Related content

Classic Gothic Literature to Film—Jennifer Boddaert’s list

Ava’s Dark Romance list

Ben Wheatley’s Life in Film list

Follow Jack on Letterboxd

‘Rebecca’ is in select US theaters on October 17, and streaming on Netflix everywhere on October 21.