#so what im saying is im emotionally unstable and in a moment of vulnerability i did something truly awful

[coldflasher]

well. i just told my dad i’m autistic

may regret that later

[agent-cupcake]

can i ask what kind of person the reader in the story w claude is supposed to be? im pretty sure this was just me misreading stuff but at first i kind of got the image that they're like a competent assassin kind of person (like really unlike how it usually is in reader inserts) but then they were so devoted to claude and in the second part at first i assumed they were like, smart or cunning enough to keep up with yuri at least but then they seemed shy around him and there were also implications that claude manipulated either the reader or the reader and yuri as well but i didn't fully pick up on that and still cant really see it? which btw isnt bcus of the way u wrote it at all, im pretty sure its deadass just me being socially inept but like idk the readers personality to me seems pretty hard to nail down, esp because initially i thought they were maybe just more vulnerable around claude but when yuri showed up later on they also seemed kind of 'weak' around him so i think i might've just gotten a wrong first impression, or was this on purpose? u dont have to answer this ofc if u don't want to!! i think its really just me being kind of dumb but im kinda having a hard time with it lol

No!!! You’re not dumb at all! I will willingly admit that you’re right in saying the reader’s personality is dreadfully inconsistent, that’s on me 100%.. you don’t need to put yourself down to feed my ego, what you’re saying is a totally valid critique!

So now that I’ve so graciously accepted your adorable criticism, I am going to make excuses... Sorry... Anyway, the best one I can muster to explain the inconsistency for that is that I wrote the first part last... January? I think. I was working on it last Christmas. I mentioned it in an ask before, but Alethia was very specifically a one-shot, I had no follow-up plans and honestly, I didn’t even mentally structure any ideas about what could happen afterwards. Generally, that’s how I write because I don’t think even a half step in front of myself. So, because of that, when I was writing Dolos, I didn’t really go in with the intention of writing with the same character because that “character” was never meant to exist outside that particular story, I was using a reactionary stand-in to suit the story I concocted and some vague ideas I had about how what Claude did would have affected her. 

If I wanna start pulling some even cheaper excuses, I can try and say that Claude’s horrible breach of trust made her far more insecure than she would have been beforehand. Trust issues, insecurity, emotionally unstable... Basically, just a lot more vulnerable. He kinda destroyed something she saw as the measure of her self worth and weaponized her loyalty and affection for him, destabilizing two key components of how she defined herself. Yuri’s arrival made it worse because he and Claude are pretty similar. My thought process was that if there was one other person that would have seemed like a threat to her at that moment, it would be Yuri. Both positively and negatively, Yuri represented the flip side of what Claude was to her, so that’s kind of why I played up her nervousness/insecurity/doubt around him? But you’re still right because I don’t really know if that’s how the character from Alethia would have reacted, that’s the character I found interesting for this story. 

As far as the manipulation game, the idea was that Claude also viewed Yuri as the flip side of himself. Or, like, his alternative counterpart. Yuri’s the one who wears eye makeup and listens to alt pop punk music. Their dialogue in the DLC when they’re standing in Abyss together is one of my favorites because they’re both sneaky secretive sneaks who have a weakness for friendship monologues, drawing a pretty easy parallel between them. The reason I retconned that reader had carried a small torch (a match, if you will) for Yuri when they first met, before she and Claude were a Thing, was to set up the dynamic of possible interest. Not so much jealousy, but a precedent that the reader would already have a weakness for Yuri that Claude knew about. The whole situation was convoluted, I know, but basically, Claude was all-in betting on the fact that reader would fall prey to Yuri’s charms only to get fucked up guilt about it because, surprise, surprise, he’s not above weaponizing her emotions against her. You know, again.

Ultimately, I wouldn’t say most of the things I do with insert characters is on purpose, I create a personality to fit within the story I want to write without much interest in how they would exist independently. I will be the first to admit that it’s cheap and kind of lazy, so I’m sorry for confusing you. But... at the same time... I’m probably not going to stop. 

To me, reader insert fanfiction is like the dark rides at Disneyworld. But, like, with more dicks and fewer scary animatronics. 

I hope this cleared things up for you, or at least does a good job explaining why you’re not dumb, I’m just a hack fraud

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Detonation - Jason

A/N: I really hope you like this one shot i did. i really liked it and i thought the AU concept i thought of was nice as well! thank ya’ll for everything. requests are open

warnings: kinda depressing lol

“Shh,” You rocked the fragile and seemly unstable fellow in your warm arms “I’m here Jason.”

Tonight was mostly quiet and slow paced. Like most days, you’d get home from your occupation, made a quick dinner and then read a never ending novel, until your eyes become heavy and found yourself asleep. It was a nice simple routine that you subconsciously completed every evening.

You had lived alone so most days was quiet. you didn’t have much friends of family to come visit you,  so the highlight of your day was actually the same religious tasks you completed everyday. You didn’t mind it though, your life was simple and peaceful, it was quite nice.

You had been sitting down to read, almost at the end cycle of task, when a soft knock interrupted you.

Immediately you thought that the knock had come from your front door or what not, however the knock replayed in your head once more, to realize it had been coming from the window that fixed across the room from your current position. Carefully, you folded the page you had been reading in your novel, placed it on your neatly made bed, then headed for the window.

It had been quite late so you weren’t sure who or why someone would bother you this hour. Moving back your curtains, and peeling back your blinds to see who laid behind the window, you were utterly shocked to see who it was. Jason, an old friend of yours...knocking on your window….at midnight? Peculiar visit. You hadn’t spoken to Jason a long while actually, he was just always busy with work and you had your life as well so i guess the two of you slowly drifted, seeing him here tonight with no text nor call..surprised you? 

It had been raining outside and he looked completely drenched so without a second thought, you tied up your curtains, pulled up your blinds, then open your window wide, motioning for the wet fellow to come in.

“Jason? What are you doing here so late?” you asked rushing to the closet to get him a towel.

A beat of silence passed before he spoke, “y/n..i need to tell you something...”

His voice, it was so soft? Yet there was a broken roughness to it, it startled you. Stopping what you had been doing, you make your way over to him.

“Jay?” you softly spoke back almost in the same tone as he, except your voice had a strong concern. You were examining his being, his eyes were red and puffy, yet soft and doey, his lips trembled like his bruised hands, and his hair was messy like he ran his hands through it a million times.He looked almost like his younger self,  but was a mess, a broken mess. You didn’t know what to do or how to react properly to make the situation better. So you did the first thing to come to mind, you pulled him into a hug and spoke,

“Oh dear, What happened to you Jaybird?” 

No response other than the soft whimpers that filled your ears and rattled your heart. You’ve seen Jason messed up before, badly drunk and angry or very self destructive but never have you seen him so lost and vulnerable. Jason never really too much cried in front of you except when you were kids and he had gotten in his first major fight with Bruce. But even then, it wasn’t nothing compared to now. Your main question was what triggered him to be in this state? 

For a while you guys just stood there in that hug and with him in the crook of your neck sobbing. You then remembered that he was dripping wet and that he needed to get out of those clothes and dry off before he caught a nasty cold and became more miserable. Keeping a nice and soft tone not to startle him you said,

“Hey jay, How about I dry you off and get you new clothes then we can lie down together? Are you okay with that?” after a hum in assurance, you began to slowly pull away from him until you both were apart, “I'll go get the clothes from the closet, okay? I'll just be a second.” with a scurried pace you entered your closet, grabbing a pair of large sweatpants, a white tee, and a towel. Walking back to Jason, you handed him the dry clothes.

“Here you are jason, D-did you need any help? With changing?” you asked, his hands still trembled and he was state was the same as before. Putting on a simple shirt and pants seemed like a difficult task for Jason to do at this time. You figured you’d be lending a hand through out the night, not that you minded though. 

He hummed softly and nodded his head a bit in an acknowledgment to your previously asked question. Taking the clothes from his hands gently, you set it on the bed and began to lift up his shirt to reveal all the beatings he too throughout his life. . Sadly to say i don’t think those scars hurt him as much as he was hurt emotionally. Without any further examination you completely removed his shirt then put on the new on. You repeated the process with the pants then motioned him to come lay on the bed. You un-tucked your made bed and made a spot for him on one side, after he got in, you crawled on the other side, spooning him.  

His hands moved up to where your hands rested on his broad chest. Intertwining fingers, you gently rubbed his rosey red knuckles, a soft whimper escaped his mouth as tried he speak. “I-i had a dream that….he...he  a-nd h-e uh-,” painful whimpers escaped out Jason's mouth “it w-was n-t jokerthat was torturing me…”  biting his lip “he said how much he hated me and told me I was worthless…” wincing in pain he begun again “ it felt so real, i-i felt the pain and everything...y/n..Bruce..”

“Shh,” You rocked the fragile and seemly unstable fellow in your warm arms “I’m here Jason, It was all just a dream, im protecting you now, okay? No deranged clown will ever hurt you and not any villain, I’m Here protecting you, Jason. And as long as you’re in my arms ain’t nothing going to lay a finger on your body.” you held him tighter and felt him sink more into your grasp. He felt safety and comfort in those words..in your arms. 

“promise...Y/N…you’ll save me” he winced once more

“I'm here Jason, i’ll save you from whatever, it was all just a dream jay, don’t think about it. Remember i'm here to save you, don’t worry about falling asleep Jason because ill be right here when you wake up, still with you.” 

Haha. Even in my last moments, i'm still hoping....

10 seconds until detonation

That you’d save me

10…

That you’d some how find me

9…

In these last seconds

8…

And i’d be safe in your arms

7….

And everything would be normal

6…

Because all of this was just a bad dream..

5…...

Although my time is almost up

4……..

I felt you should know

3….

...it wasn’t the Joker that killed me….

2….

It was my greatest hero, Bruce Wayne

1…….

Don’t worry it’s okay!  Dick taught me how to be strong.

[alexiaugustin]

hey viv! this is an odd question but i was just wondering what your top five book quotes/lines are and why✨

oh my god i love this question but i would actually have to think about it for a while because i don't have them saved anywhere so like... let me think about the books i love and some of the best quotes🥺

If I could only reach out and touch the stars, I would know everything. I would understand - the remnant chronicles

because im a slut for quotes about the universe and im a slut for the remnant chronicles!!! lia os my yearning to touch the stars and leave this world behind child and im emotionally feeling that😙😙

I think everyone’s a bit bored with boy-girl romances anyway,” he said. “I think the world’s had enough of those, to be honest. - radio silence

if u haven't read this book yet then you've truly missed out on 400 pages of sad n depressed because of school lgbt teenagers preaching some truth. hallelujah they are right and should say everything they say louder

Who can say where the paths lead, or how the scales may balance in another decade? I suppose I can, but that is my curse. To watch, to see, until the ending of all things. We destroy. We rebuild. We destroy again. It is the constant of our kind. We are all a god's chosen, and we are all a god's cursed. -red queen

i love how red queen is the kind of ya book that you HAD to read in 2017. im not even sure if the books are good if u read them now but they were everything back then and the political aspects and quotes like this were so lit. truly iconic books. im still crying over maven and everything that could have been🤙

But there’s something about the darkness, the stillness of this hour, I think, that creates a language of its own. There’s a strange kind of freedom in the dark; a terrifying vulnerability we allow ourselves at exactly the wrong moment, tricked by the darkness into thinking it will keep our secrets. We forget that the blackness is not a blanket; we forget that the sun will soon rise. But in the moment, at least, we feel brave enough to say things we’d never say in the light.- ignite me

you might be seeing a pattern here and that pattern is called "viv getting attached to literally every single one of her overdramatic mentally unstable ya characters in 2017". this book series turned into a trash series real quick but i would recommend reading up until the third book because the writing and quotes were EVERYTHING

A God worthy of your eternal love wouldn’t judge you for who you love while you’re here.- autoboyography

everyone should read this and think and read it again and realize. iconic literally iconic

[pickle92]

i have to add to this because this is something I really love about Stede too, and it contradicts a lot of the fan assumptions about him

Stede is someone that lives in the subtext, because on the surface a gentleman has to be polite and put together. he knows all about how to communicate subtly with body language and specific choices of words that mean more than you think if you apply a certain tone. there is so much more to communication than just words and Stede KNOWS this, inside and out! he is clever, and more emotionally aware than people give him credit for, and has lived a whole life being polite on the surface but still being able to communicate on another level

this doesn't just allow him to be catty and bitchy it allows him to be understanding and soft. in the bathtub scene, where most people who weren't trained from birth to be calm and in control and polite would have been like UM WTF, you just said you wanted to MURDER ME?!?! Stede just gently asks if murder is still on the cards, like he's asking about a trip to the park. his masterful reading of subtext gives him an instant understanding that Ed is really unstable and vulnerable in this moment and his gentlemanly manners let him keep the situation calm and amiable. Stede's not just good at passive aggression he's good at passive pleasantness, passive kindness

which leads me to the point i really wanted to make which is that Stede knows how to communicate everything passively. and he's really good at it. which means!!

"You wear fine things well" was on purpose!!! this motherfucker knew exactly what he was doing.

im not saying he knew what, but i think he knew there was something going on between him and Ed. maybe he didn't know it was romantic, but Stede knew he really liked Ed and that Ed needed to be reassured in that moment. he could see the red silk was important to Ed in some way, and he used it to communicate so much!! he took that silk so slowly and deliberately, giving Ed plenty of time to stop him, and told him exactly what he knew Ed needed to hear, made him feel so seen, with just five fucking words!! he communicated how high his opinion of Ed was, dismissed the entire idea of class hierarchy and the inherent 'worthiness' of the wealthy while at the same time saying that if all that bullshit did mean something that Ed was still above it! this is passive seduction at its finest!

when people say he's emotionally unaware or just plain stupid im just there like did we watch the same fucking show because the Stede i know is a genius

another on my list of favorite things about stede is that he's catty and bitchy and incredibly passive aggressive! this one i have so many thoughts about because i love that stede is incredibly flawed as a person; his cattiness and passive aggression are both a plus and a minus, as so many excellent character traits should be.

stede understands the aristocratic social settings of his time, his place - he may not be able to win them, but he understands them, he knows how to move in that world, he's just never been the person who could be liked and popular - but he UNDERSTANDS that world. He understands passive aggression and wields it like a master, sword and shield, aggressor and defender and sometimes coward, and like, as someone who hates passive aggression, i DO love when stede is being bitchy and catty because it's him having some backbone - i even love when he's doing it to the wrong people, because it shows where he stands and the room he has to grow.

when stede makes that fabulously bitchy little "trouble in paradise" remark, he knows that he's remarking on the underlying tension in ed and izzy's dynamic. when he's masterfully playing those french assholes, he's manipulating the social setting to his advantage, for his ends. even in episode 8, when he passive aggressively says that oh he's fine with his furniture being destroyed - he knows what he's doing! he's catty and bitchy and he's not naive and foolish and unable to understand communication, unable to converse. stede is often emotionally withholding and he doesn't necessarily understand himself or let others easily perceive him, but he's actually pretty good at the subtext. he lives in the subtext, communicates in it.

even in that bitchy moment to mary, where he says he forgives her for sleeping with doug - which he's not sincere about, he's passive aggressive there as he's been about other things throughout that episode (though even if it was sincere it would be gross and patronizing because you don't get to feel upset about that stede! you're the one who walked out!) - i both love and hate it. love it because god that's stede alright once again wielding passive aggression like a master, hate it because stede, buddy, pal, this is not a case where you're owed an apology, actually, this is not episode 8 where you want to say you hated that thing (and you're right to hate that thing) but you don't want to directly ask. this is the inverse of that, where you're upset about something to someone you don't have a right to be upset about -

but it's still good to see? because even if he's fucking it up, at least he's USING HIS WORDS. poorly, sure, but they aren't locked in his head.

and yes obviously i was with mary when she tried to kill him and glad when she failed. but also. it was a wonderfully bitchy little moment.

i hope that in season 2 we see more of catty and bitchy stede, but that its directed at the right people. i want to see him bitchy at izzy. i want to see him bitchy at pirates that disrespect him. i want to see him humble the english with passive aggression.

i want to see him wield his power for my own entertainment.

[angelamyaass]

it’s a sign of the times 4/24

we don’t talk enough, we should open up. i think the physical exhaustion took a real toll on me today. i felt a little emotionally unstable and more vulnerable to negativity or just overthinking - and just in general i was real out of it and needed energy lol. i enjoy these low or challenging scenarios because it’s only when they happen and i’m aware of it in that very moment that i can try to change it and work on self control. never do it quite the way i want to tho lol. it was really good for me to get out of the house, but it happened really fast and ii think it’s a lot for my body and brain to take - as i haven’t digested things and have just been asking more and more questions confusing myself lol. but it’s ok - always on the go lol.  i feel like this trip to see liily in her gpa element helped me in a lot of ways. it was nice to see lily with a bunch of people who really love her and have been with her through her year, which - not to say lily hasn’t struggled- but i think this year more than anything has been the most challenging from what i’ve known of her life the past like 7 years or whatnot lol. i think the year before with questioning faith/life and the cool nova kids and the angelic rebellion lool was also tough but in a different way lol. but yeah it was nice to see the support group and lifelong friendships she has built. i really wanted to understand gpa more so i could connect and be a bigger part of lily’s year because i want nothing more than to support her and have her felt understood. and i think i was getting there but then the last day it kinda fell off the earth for me so i suck lol. it was also nice to talk to mia, our relationship is mad sarcastic but i really admire mia and her intentions and insight into the world. she’s super real but also really positive, which is refreshing for me as i feel most people i know are ideal which is awesome but i feel like i bring them down if i offer my input lol. and the way her brain works vibes with me a lot lol. talking to fuyu was interesting too lolo. girls gained a looot of confidence. and ko had red scary eyes lol. wish ken came but i get why he wouldnt lol. i kinda wish i was more sincere with catching up with ko, he was in my workshop group the last two years and he’s a really great and hilarious person. lol i just feel like i’m not a soul person for people so i try less because they’re better off with others in my mind lol. same with guppy but it’s cool to see him, and i tried to connect to jesun a little bit cause that kid was aloone, he seems super sweet now. he was a total butt when he was young LOL. arent we all. anyway it was funny to see kinda the last generation i know through youth group in that environment. i was really grateful ariana was there because i feel we both could connect on on a mutual understanding of our environment - not to say it wasn’t a great place to be or we didn’t want to be there with lily. lol “i’ll go to the hell i WANT” even though lilys my child and husband i did feel like it was more hana’s place to be. so i felt a little bit confused on my role as i wanted lily to spend time with hana and spend time with everyone while they’re all still together, and i just personally am going through some questioning/seeking phase that i didn’t want to bring lily or anyone there into because i haven’t established balance lol,i’ve just been working and pushing off everything and now im starting to think slightly again lol.  i also was just torn between supporting it wholeheartedly and my stubborn side of wanting justice and an expansion of knowledge. these kids are finding true parents and god and declaring theyre dedicating their lives to that, or at least 1-3 years lol, which is awesome to have such sincerity and desire to do good, but havent read the bible which is the basis of every religion and theory they believe in the dp, or know any other possible religion or potential theories on life mooore than likely. except lily who explored mormonism so respect to lily lolol. the way people would talk really put down the other religions and built up the unification movement felt unfair because i feel like no one even gave a fair shot to studying anything else  besides what they’ve been spoon fed, as most people in this world do/ i did/i don’t know anything lol. and the way they talk about rev moonfrom an outside perspective feels like an unhealthy idolization of very imperfect people that one chooses to not see the imperfections of lol. 3 wives. illegitimate children. pedophile(married a 16 year old in his mid 30s, bitch i’d never let my 16 year old marry someone lol),several sex abuse testimonies. didn’t raise his family. forced sweet needy college kids to fundraise for 3-7 years for him instead of get an education or use their talents lol. i’m glad that all the parents are happy and felt like they had a purpose and can look back and feel good about things, felt like they had to sacrifice so we don’t have to, and have built some great families and have community, lol but i can only imagine the pain my grandparents and everyone else’s family felt when they had to watch their child drop their entire lives, marry a total stranger and completely listen to a narcisstic korean guy lol. that’s always gonna be an awkward thing in my family. lol. so i find it funny when parents get so sad or upset or there’s this guilt if your kid doesn’t stay in the church, because your kid is just doing exactly what you did and figuring out their own path and ideally not following someone wack lol.  i realize that this is religion for everyone, everywhere. people just take what makes sense to them and works for them in their life and upbringing, and their personal experiences or how they perceive the world, and make up a “truth” which is relative to them. then they stick with it because that’s what they’ve grown up with. i mean what the hell else can you do LOL. everyone is entitled to believe what they want to believe and have their own experience no one else can know about it or say what someone should be or do, so really it’s just let it be if it’s not truly harming anyone and the intention is to help people and love people. but i just feel like it’s sucked me into this life thats a little narrow and doesnt have the best connections for actual contribution but thats ultimately my own fault so i shouldn’t assume that its that way  for everyone else. i have no control and should only focus on what i can control which is doing my own shit lol. if i build a nonprofit empire and end world hunger, then maybe i can have a say on how to contribute in life lol. until then i can shut up LOL.  all of this towards the movement is just pain coming from my strong dislike for myself for not actually trying to know anything growing up in it. lol. i just felt like i did but never did my research. and to come to the realization that i’m an ignorant narrowminded asshole was and is rough lol. like sure the dp made sense, because any LITTLE glance at an alternative perspective,i was fed the other perspectives as if they didn’t make sense, and i never actually got the viewpoint from someone else who believed it and why lol. i also didn’t really know much about what else was out there and i’m still exploring. i’m not desperate or like questioning who i am lol, but i’m curious because i want to understand. i want to connect. i want to help solve all the division we have in religion and politics. in a very small section of the world lol. i’ve been trying to change. i’ve been trying to be more light, be more aware of how people think, why they think it, and how to respect it or not think too seriously on it lol. it’s challenging doing this on my own because i need to be asking people their beliefs personally to get their perspective, if i read it on my own i will just come up with questions and be limited to only what i’m perceiving lol. i don’t believe there is a known ultimate truth but i do believe that the world religions are part of that elephant story. “It is said that once upon a time a king gathered a few men who were born blind. They were asked to describe an elephant, but each one was presented with only a certain part of it. To one was presented the head of the elephant, to another the trunk, to another its ears, to another the leg, the body, the tail, tuft of the tail, etc. The one who was presented with the head said: "The elephant is like a pot!" The one who was presented the trunk answered, "The elephant is like a hose." The one who touched only the ears thought that the elephant was a fan, the others said that it was a pillar, a wall, a rope, a brush, etc. Then they quarreled among themselves, each thinking that he was the only one right and the others were wrong. The obvious truth is that the elephant is a unity of many parts, a unity that they could not grasp in their ignorance. “ so basically what i want to do is focus on the cores that all religions believe(the principle of creation and all the positive things about the world is in every religion) but that alone won’t unite people and that’s why it hasn’t, because it’s these holes, these different interpretations that honestly probably all contradict themselves at some point lol, that have separated religions and caused people to grow up with these “different” belief systems, despite the core of all these belief systems being the same. so if we can find a way to compromise on these interpretations of the holes or look beyond it to the cores, we’ll be in a much better place in politics and religion. like honestly i’d like to go to each religion and be like here’s the evidence that supports your beliefs, and here are the potential holes. but then in the end the beliefs that matter are the ones that we experience everyday and that the majority of the people in this world agree on. it’s just crazy that the majority of the world believes in love and happiness and helping each other but we divide and can’t find a place to belong or fit into, and allow people with greed to control us and our outcomes. we have enough resources and enough knowledge to make the world better and safer but we continue to live in our own world with our own beliefs, not truly connecting to anyone outside of that. i don’t know. it’s very big and beyond me lol. but i’m a writer so i like to read and discuss it but i need to not take it so seriously or i need to keep my humility because i don’t know anything and i know that but by questioning everyone elses knowledge it makes it seem like i feel like i know more than them, but im just dumb and curious lol. and i like to understand because i don’t want to be so critical and an asshole forever lolo. i want to be supportive and loving and light like i was growing up. and perhaps when i read i’ll get knowledge that’ll make me more cynical because usually some of the happiest people are ignorant or just not making the decision to care more in a lot of senses lol. i don’t know what the balance is. i’ll figure it out. i’m in the arrivals section of this airport because these have real comfy chairs and it’s fascinating to see people reunite or wait for someone to arrive lol. airports really bring me back to the idea that there are so many individual stories being created in all these peoples’ lives from all over. humans of new york is really a genius thing. it makes you question the idea of significance.