#so we had a good day that resulted in me passing out before being able to post this

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 316

Adjective: Rich

Noun: Apple

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Rich: having a great deal of money or assets, or wealthy; (of a country or region) having valuable natural resources or a successful economy; of expensive materials or workmanship, or demonstrating wealth; generating wealth, or valuable; plentiful, or abundant; having (a particular thing) in large amounts; (of food) containing a large amount of fat, spices, sugar, etc.; (of drink) full-bodied; (of the mixture in an internal combustion engine) containing a high proportion of fuel; producing a large quantity of something; (of soil or a piece of land) having the properties necessary to produce fertile growth; (of a mine or mineral deposit) yielding a large quantity or proportion of precious metal; (of a color, sound, smell, etc.) pleasantly deep or strong; interesting because full of diversity or complexity; (informal) (of a remark) causing ironic amusement or indignation; containing a large amount of something specified

Apple: the round fruit of a tree of the rose family, which typically has thin red or green skin and crisp flesh, with many varieties have been developed as dessert or cooking fruit or for making cider; an unrelated fruit that resembles an apple in some way; the tree which bears apples; short for Big Apple

[thealternateuniverse]

At who's the best at

Paige Bueckers x Fem reader

Warnings: Slowburn (?), curses, sexual inunendos

A/N: I couldn't think of a title 😭 I am so sorry. Other characters are from my imagination, they are not related to NCAA at all. Had to get this ideas out of my head.

Y/N was panting, hands on her knees after doing laps across the court. Today is hell, Geno is not taking it easy on them, the training is tougher compared to the previous months as their team is advancing to Elite 8. She thanked the cardio gods for being on her favor today or she will pass out. Taking one last deep breath, she put her both hands on her waist and walked towards the three point shot perimeter. Qadence pats her on the back while she is dribbling for a three point shot.

"Take it easy babe." She nodded at Qadence before shooting the ball. Another miss.

"Miller!" Geno motioned to come to him. Y/N sighed and jog towards her coach's direction.

"Kid, do you see this?" Geno handed her his clipboaard with her stats on it.

"This is from the last game against Duke."

Y/N scanned her stats, and it is much better progress compared to their match against Sycaruse and Jackson State.

"Yeah and it will get more better if you can hoop today. What the hell is wrong Miller? Shade and Edwards blocked you three times today. You don't get blocked thrice based on these stats. What's wrong kid?"

Y/N didn't respond and remain silent. It shows in the practice that she is preoccupied today.

"Nothing Geno, it's just......" she trailed off thinking of what she should say.

"I'll do better. I'll make sure to clear my mind before practice so I can focus." Y/N continued, bowing her head slightly. She had to prove to UConn women's basketball team that they will not regret accepting her back when she transferred here during her 2nd year. But Geno doesn't seem to be convinced of her answer.

"Alright. I am expecting much better results in our next practice. We can't make excuses once USC had our asses in our match. Go take a swim or a run in your neighborhood or whatever later, you're not yourself today and I don't want to see you like a vegetable during practice."

Y/N nodded and Geno gave her an encouraging pat on the back before letting her go back to practice. It made her feel a little better but her day is still shitty.

----

Y/N's phone keeps vibrating, this is the umpteenth time her parents called her today. She doesn't want to answer it, it will be divorce probably. It already threw her game off today and she doesn't want to ruin her day more by answering it.

Mum:

talk to me hun, please

Hun, we are sorry, I know this will be hard for you.

Do you hate us?

I'm sorry, love. It's not working anymore between me and your dad.

Dad:

Peanut, please answer your phone.

I'm sorry.

We wanted to tell you for a long time.

---

Y/N turned off her phone. With a deep sigh, she ate her tacos. She's got a lot on her plate now, her studies, her upcoming match, and now her parents divorce. She wanted to take a break.

"Boo, you okay? You're preocuppied the whole day." KK finally asked. Her teammates have been giving each other knowing looks and tiptoeing around her all day. They are not used to her being silent. She went out with them tonight hoping it will take off some things in her mind.

"I'm fine girl. Just woke up on the wrong side of the bad today." She smiled at KK. She's not ready to talk yet not until she's able to come to terms with her family.

"You suck, Miller. Paige is getting full of herself today and you're too preoccupied to humble her."

Paige almost choked on her shirley temple, she took a napkin and wiped her mouth.

"Me? Full of myself? Come on Aubs." Paige scoffs.

"Miller just realized today I don't need humbling, I'm actually good." Paige raised her eyebrows playfully followed by their teammates violent reactions.

Y/N grinned. She had to thank Paige for diverting their teammates from pressing on what's going on with her. The subject of being the best shooter between her or Paige became a daily banter. Paige was not unwelcoming when Y/N transferred in UConn but her competitive ass made sure to show why she was here first instead of Y/N. Y/N admits that Paige is actually better than her and the best all rounder, her transferring here seemed challenged the latter on who's best at what. She doesn't know why Paige thinks she has competition when she is actually the best. She likes to get on Paiges nerves so she gets along with Paige's imaginary contest.

"Get outta here Bueckers, I can do what you did earlier even with a hangover" Y/N said, giving Paige a sheepish grin. Paige made 43 consecutive 3 point shots, it got into her head today without Y/N beating it. It always annoy Paige when Y/N's record is close or beat hers.

"Oi, enough you two." Azzi stopped them before it could start to bickering. Y/N raised both her hands in surrender. She took a sip of her margaritas while still giving Paige a cocky grin. Now the latter looks annoyed.

They continued having fun, dancing and drinking. Y/N didn't move that much from her seat, she's tired and the margarita must've probabaly hit already.

"I'm just gonna go to the restroom." She excused herself. Feeling dizzy Y/n groaned, guess she will have that hangover tomorrow.

She decided to turn on her phone and was still bombarded with texts from her parents. Her mum's name popped on the screen and decided to answer it finally.

"Honey, I'm glad you answered. I've been calling all day." Her mom sounded worried on the other line.

"Sorry mum. Busy."

Her mother sighed. Y/N doesn't exactly know what to say, she is still processing that her parents will have a divorce. Out of 23 damn years, they just decided now that they don't need each other?

"Honey I.... I am so sorry. If you could come home soon we could have a talk, with your dad and I."

Y/N rolled her eyes.

"I am not going home, mom. California is 2000 miles away, I have an upcoming game in 2 weeks, and I am busy for my finals. What's the point? Your going to sell the house anyway now that you are getting divorce."

She didn't mean to sound mad over the phone, but she is really upset.

"I will call you when I am ready to talk to you both. If you two want a divorce, fine, but give me time to process that my parents don't need each other anymore after 23 damn years."

She didn't wait for her mother's response and hang up.

------

Paige went back to their booth joined by a tipsy Nika after their teammates are gone to god knows where. Dancing or probably making out with someone.

"Hey P, have fun! You're awfully behave tonight. Loosen up, it's weekend tomorrow."

Nika nudged her and throw an arm over her shoulder.

"I'm good, Ma. I don't want hangover tomorrow. Besides, someone has to stay sober to make sure you all get home safely."

Nika scoffed, rolling her eyes at her teammate. It's their last free night before Geno will give them total hell in preparation against their match with USC.

"You're boring me P. I'll go join the others and have fun being miserable here. Have you se---" Nika wasn't able to finish her sentence when a commotion started in the middle of the bar. Recognizing the 6 foot tall asses of their teammates in the scuffle, the two ran towards their direction.

"What in the fuck happened?" Nika felt her slight tipsiness gone, helping KK reach Ayanna who's ready to take a swing to an athlete from Yale. The bouncers are trying to separate them before it ends up to a total brawl. Paige scanned where the others are and her eyes landed on Y/N, her sleeves are up, Aubrey blocking her from punching another Yale athlete.

"You don't talk shit here, dawg. Go back to New Haven and fuck your slutty girlfriend!"

Paige grabbed Y/N by the waist and dragged her out of the scene. For someone who is always cool and at her composure, she was surprised that Miller can trash talk.

"Calm down, Miller. You don't get to injure that million dollar hands." With Azzi trailing behind, she brought Y/N outside and pinned her on the wall to calm her down. She looks disheveled, some of her locks escaped from her ponytail, her face is red, her sleeves are uneven and she is reeking of alcohol. What a total mess.

"What in the world was that Y/N, I know you guys don't start fights but you all are better than this. Gosh, how many drinks did you have? You are reeking of alcohol!" Azzi said frustrated.

Y/N scoffs, wiping some sweat on her forehead. Paige couldn't agree more with Azzi. They don't start fights, Y/N never looses her cool even during their banters at who is best, intense matches and bad calls from ref. Paige wonders what made her so worked up that she almost punch someone today.

"Nah, I was cool Az. I took shots from everyone, sorry I lost count."

The 2 of them grimaced. They check Y/N if she had any injuries, Geno will kill them if they are scathed and once he hears about this. Azzi wonders as to why Yale women's basketball are in Storrs. That's like an hour drive just for a night's drink.

"God you are drunk and you can take a fight." Paige said amused. She never saw Y/N got drunk because she never was.

"Oh yeah Bueckers, wanna try? Let's take it here outside." Y/N stood straight, her face annoyed.

Well that was hot. Paige thought. She raised her hands in surrender before Y/N gets totally pissed. Y/N haven't landed a punch but it might be on Paige if she triggers the latter. Azzi gave her a scolding look.

"Chill, Ma. T'was a compliment."

Y/N rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall again. She's starting to feel hazy.

"What did they do anyway?" Azzi asked.

"Douchebag's girlfriend was offering me a drink, I declined. She thought I want to fuck her slutty girlfriend and proceeds to call us defects, the others heard it, we didn't mind until she pushed Aaliyah."

Paige clenched her jaw and Azzi rubs her temple. Half of the team suffered injury in the past year. Paige wished she hadn't grabbed Y/N and let her land her fist first before fleeing from the scene, it was uncalled for. Drunken Miller surprised them tonight, they didn't know that her mouth can talk.

"That's it, we are all getting home. I'm gonna go get the others." Azzi left them outside.

"Yeah Azzi and tell that cunt to fuck her girlfriend properly."

Paige shook her head. Y/N is definitely the highlight of tonight's event.

"What got you so worked up today, Miller? You almost took it out on someone."

KK was right, Y/N was preoccupied. She didn't have any baskets during practice. Paige had 29 3 points in a row today, usually Y/N comes close or even beat her. It's unusual for someone who plays ball since 5th grade, she just did laps all day.

Y/N groans. "I'll talk about it tomorrow when I'm sober. can you take me home please? Paige."

Paige, licked her lips and pretends to think about it. She's gonna do it anyway.

"I never thought you were into girls." Paige blurted out. She mentally slapped herself right after. Her intrusive thoughts won.

"You guys never asked. I never said I was into boys either. So annoying."

For some reason, Paige couldn't keep her smile off. She was grinning like and idiot. Y/N noticed and she rolled her eyes, Paige looks stupid.

"You look like an idiot Bueckers."

"Maybe I am."

She twirls her car keys and they started to walk where she parked her car. She's behind Y/N who's trying to keep a straight-face and herself from stumbling.

Azzi and KK following them, KK still heated from the commotion earlier and keeps trash talking. Azzi is trying to cover her mouth for being loud. KK, Azzi, Nika and Y/N rode with Paige. The others were at Aaliyah's car since they live together in the same apartment. Paige shook her head, they are all dead on Monday.

-------

Y/N woke up, her head pounding and throat dry. She groaned when she tried to get up. She knew immediately it was bad last night to have a hangover like this, she rarely gets drunk and when she does, she has it bad. She jolted up when realizes that this is not her room. The bed sheet is purple, there are Miami Heat posters everywhere and the trophies are too many to be hers. Not until she saw the familiar number 5 jersey hanging on the wall.

"Fuck, what did I do last night." She whispered to herself. This must be Paige's room. She tries recalling the events of last night and vaguely remembers the Yale athlete talking shit. She almost got involved in a brawl.

Y/N got up from bed only to realize that she is wearing Paige's clothes, it's one of her old team USA shirts, nothing else and her boxers. It's already 2 in the afternoon, she could hear the ruckus outside Paige's room and KK's rambunctious laugh.

She opened the door and was greeted by the chaos of her teammates.

Y/N winced when the pounding of her head hits again. She sat down on one of the bean bags and leaned her head back trying to ease the headache. In an instant, Paige handed her a bottle of water and a tylenol. She gave Paige what is this for ? look.

"Your hangover, duh."

"Ya'll our sleeping beauty is awake." KK sat beside her but she was waiving where Ice was. Ice was doing live on the corner, and she didn't realize that where she is is being captured. Gosh she looks horrible.

"Guys, they wanna know something. You remember we did a tiktok of who among in the team you don't want your kid to date..... They want the opposite."

Qadence was quick to shout "Aaliyah" followed by KK's "Y/N"

"Yeah, I'll go with Y/N too." Ice agreed

"Y/N will throw hands, I'll bet on her too." Aubrey added.

" 'bout you, Paige?"

The team groaned when Paige showed her "rizz hands."

"Will we go further? I'll let my kid date myself." The team erupted in disagreement. Nika throws a pillow towards Paige's direction. "Dream on Bueckers!" Y/N shakes her head too.

Paige is a gender bender, the amount of fans she has be it a boy or a girl is insane. She may look like a fuck-boy type but she'll be a good girlfriend, the question though is, can they take her superstar life?

"Y/N, they wanted to know who you want your kid to date." Ice turned towards her. Y/N straightened her back a little, enough only to face Ice.

"No one, you guys loves ball more than relationships." Everyone burst in laughter.

"You heard our homie? We're not playboys/playgirls, basketball is life." Ice said in live while giving a thumbs up.

"Nawww! she's just playing safe!" KK shouted.

" Y/N is so fine, I think I'll start watching live " Ice reading through comments.

Y/N suddenly felt conscious. She moved where the camera can't see her so she can deal with what's left of her hangover.

" Does Y/N have a boyfriend or what? Saw her in Stanford before and what the hell is she doing on the court, go model in a runway or something--- Yo! Someone said you should model Y/N!" KK is reading along with Ice now.

Y/N blushed on the compliment(?). She couldn't think of herself as someone who walks on a runway or pose for a magazine aside from playing ball. She's no Cameron Brink who could pass that criteria.

"Maaaaan, they are all whipped to our girly pop. We've been gatekeeping our secret weapon."

Some of her teammates joined KK and Ice in reading the comments.

"Y/N c'mere they want to see you."

Y/N doesn't want to be rude by not saying even a "hi" but she really feels shit right now. She look around the room and her eyes landed on Paige, begging for help.

"Y'all sorry but Miller is not feeling well, you'll get to see her in Gampel soon. Be sure to be there." Paige shouted while throwing an arm around Y/N's shoulder. They are both far from the camera, Y/N waived though from where they are.

"Thank God." Y/N muttered and leaned on Paige's shoulder and she felt her stiffened.

Ice wrapped up her live leaving disappointed viewers to only see a glimpse of Y/N. All of them went back to their chaotic self.

--------

A/N: Please stay tuned for the next part. I think I have a hangover too 🤮. Wrote this when we were at the bar. Feedbacks and suggestions are open.

ALSO..... DOES ANYONE KNOWS WHO DOES THE GIRLS HAIRS DURING THEIR GAMES? DO THEY HAVE A HAIRSTYLIST OR WHAT?? PLEASE HELP A GIRL OUT. 😌

[aauroraxia]

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠

*:･ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏

sypnosis: y/n finds out she’s pregnant and doesn’t know how to tell Armando or her team | warnings: none | pairings: Armando x reader | Authors note: finally wrote part one! Might write part two later it just depends |

“𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 y/n!” Kelly begged for the 5th time. Her and Rita were going to this party and they really wanted you to go.

You loved parties and never declined an invite to one but, today you just weren’t feeling up to it.

You had been feeling sick for a few days now so you were taking a leave from work, not wanting to pass anything to anyone.

Your boyfriend, Armando, offered to stay home with you but you didn’t let him, he shouldn’t have to stop working just because you caught some stupid bug.

“Fine if you’re not going neither are we.” Kelly said, plopping down on your couch, crossing her arms.

“Yeah, we can just stay here with you. That’s more fun than any party.” Rita added on.

You smiled, wondering how did you get so lucky to have amazing friends. “Thank you, guys.”

About 4 Vampire Diaries episodes later, you ran to the bathroom, rushing to the toilet, throwing up.

“God, what is wrong with me?” You said looking at yourself in the mirror.

Once you got back to your living room, where Rita and Kelly were, you told them about what just happened. They decided that you should Google your symptoms, to help find out what’s wrong.

So you opened your laptop and started googling.

All the results looked like:

___________________________________

‘What are the symptoms for pregnancy’

‘How to know if you’re pregnant’

‘Pregnancy sickness’

___________________________________

‘I can’t be pregnant’ you thought.

“Can you guys come here for a second!” You yelled to Rita and Kelly. They walked over and you turned your computer to face them.

Kelly looked at you “Well, are you? You know.. pregnant?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think so.. it doesn’t make since.”

Rita rubbed your back, “Well let’s go buy some tests before we make any conclusions.” She reassured you.

You sighed thinking, how could you be pregnant, and if you were how would you tell Armando, but you calmed yourself down. The test could comeback negative after all.

Well that didn’t last long, you took 5 tests and they all came back positive. You slid down the wall in your bathroom, hugging your knees, sobbing.

‘How can I be pregnant’

‘I thought we were always being safe’

‘What do I tell Armando’

‘How will I work’

‘How do I take care of a baby’

You were pulled out of your overwhelming thoughts when Rita and Kelly walked in the bathroom. Immediately sitting down next to you, hugging you.

“What will I tell Armando. He didn’t want children right now.” You said in between sobs, breathing heavily.

Rita and Kelly looked at each other sympathetically. Armando wasn’t a open book, especially not around them. They couldn’t assure you or tell you how he would react, so they just comforted you before he got home.

𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 Kelly and Rita left you sat on your couch, knowing Armando would be home, any minute now. You heard the door creaked open, incoming your boyfriend with blood splattered on his arms.

“Hey babe.” You said running to him, placing a soft kiss in his cheek.

“Hola mamá” He replied.

You tried to avoid lookin into his eyes, you knew if he looked at you long enough he’d be able to tell you’d been crying. So instead you just pulled his arm leading him into y’all’s bedroom.

You left him there while you went to get a damp towel, to clean the blood off him.

“¿Qué ocurre?” He asked, using his thumb to make you look at him.

“What makes you think something’s wrong?”

“You only avoid looking at me when something’s wrong.”

Damn he knew you good

You knew that if you tried to tell him you would start crying so you just got the test out of the bathroom and handed it to him.

He looked at you with a expression, you couldn’t tell if he was mad or happy “You’re…”

“Pregnant.. yeah. Are you mad?” You asked looking down, playing with your fingers.

“Por supuesto que no, solo sorprendido.”

He took your hands and kissed your knuckles. “¿Tenías miedo de decírmelo?”

“Well yeah.. we talked about having kids at a later- much later time. I didn’t know what you were gonna say.” You said sheepishly

“I know this isn’t what we planned but, I still wanna spend the rest of my life with you, and now our child.” He assured you.

You ran to him, tackling him on the bed, leaving pecks all over his face. How could you ever think he would be upset with.

“Wait- we have to tell the team and your dad.”

“Do we have to?” He asked walking away from the bed.

“Well yeah, they’re gonna wonder why I’m taking an extended leave from work.”

“¿P or qué? Digámosles que volaste a otro país.”

A pillow was then thrown at his head.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 next day, you asked for Marcus, Mike, Rita, Kelly, Dorn and Rafe to meet you at Marcus’ house because you had something to tell them.

After you got there and everyone was chill, you decided to tell them.

Affer all eyes were on you, you took a deep breath in. “So, I’ve decided to take an extended leave of absence from work.”

“Why, is everything alright” Dorn asked.

“Yeah, it’s just.. I’m pregnant.”

Heads were turned and gasps were made.

Everyone came up to you hugging you. Armando stood in the corner with his arms crossed.

“We’re having a A.M.M.O baby!” Kelly shouted making everyone laugh.

Mike walked to his son, patting him on the back.

“Mike! You’re gonna be a grandad.” Marcus said laughing at Mike.

Mike ran his hand down his face, “Damn.”

After everyone settled down, Marcus started “Wait, that means if Y/N is pregnant, that means her and Armando been fuc-“

“MARCUS!” Everyone shouted while you buried your face in your hands.

“Man, this is fucked up“ Marcus said walking away.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ | 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬:

¿P or qué? Digámosles que volaste a otro país - Why? Let’s just tell them you flew to another country.

¿Qué ocurre? - What’s wrong?

“Por supuesto que no, solo sorprendido - Of course not just suprised

¿Tenías miedo de decírmelo? - So that’s what’s wrong

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬, 𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 ’🩷’ 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @armandosbabymama @atomicfriendfestivalbiscuit @yeahnohoneybye @madi05sblog

[asterias-record-shop]

MORE DAVE LIZEWSKI PLEASE

╭════• ೋ•✧๑♡๑✧•ೋ •═══╮

— i can’t stop!

╰═══���• ೋ•✧๑♡๑✧•ೋ •═══╯

𓆩[main masterlist]𓆪 𓆩[request/ask me something!]𓆪 𓆩[join the taglist!]𓆪

Dave slowly becomes a sex addict after you fuck him on the daily. Part 1

Dave truly didn’t know what hit him the day he found you in the copy room humping his jacket. He certainly wasn’t prepared to actually be fucked daily, and to be honest, he couldn’t stop thinking about it anymore. He was now used to fucking you daily, more than once, being taken out of class by you posing as someone who helped the office to take him out and pull him to fuck somewhere in the school.

Today, though, was different. He had been squirming in his seat all day, desperately trying to calm down his raging boner. These past few days you both had been having sex, it was beautiful and amazing and passionate, it was something you both had basically become addicted to.

Sex with you was different than what he would have ever expected to have loved so much. It was exhilarating with you, fueling him day and night with energy until it was replenished the next time he was able to fuck you, push his cock so deep inside of your perfect cunt he couldn't stop thinking about-

"Hi Ms. Grey, the office needs David Lizewski again. This time it's for early release." Your voice made him stand up immediately, grabbing his bag and walking toward the door.

“Make sure you finish the chapter, Dave!” She yelled, but he truly wasn’t listening when he pushed you into an empty classroom.

“David? What’s wrong?” Over the past few months, you had gotten more attached to him other than seeing him as just your sex partner, and you had never seen him like this before.

“I-I can’t stop!” He whined, bucking his hips against your cunt as you gasped. “I can’t stop thinking about fucking you, holy shit I was humping my desk before you came in there… I swear, I’ve cum like four times today, I need to fuck you.”

His words make you laugh, gasping as he tucked under your jaw to press kisses to your cheek and down your neck, desperate and needy as he rushed to unzip his pants as he started lifting up your skirt. "L-Let me fuck you, Y/N, please?"

"D-David, as much as I want to - fuck - have sex with you right now, there's supposed to be a class coming in here soon and we have to leave." You panted as he whined, pulling away as he pouted up at you. "But I pulled you out of class... for the entire day, and it's a Friday. So, we have all weekend to fuck and get high and just fuck."

Dave smiled as you zipped up his pants, gripping his cock with a giggle as you pushed him back. "Aren't you glad that my daddy bought us an apartment? No one will interrupt our seventy-two-hour sex spree."

And a spree it was. As soon as you both got home, Dave had you against the wall, pushing your chest to press against the soft grey painted wall and pulling up your skirt. He was quick to pull up your skirt and unzip his pants, quickly pushing into you with a loud exhale. "Fuck, you feel so good, Y/N."

"I better feel good if you've came four times- fuck!" You cursed as his hips snap forward, his large hands holding your hips as he pushed his fingers to rub against your clit. "D-David, baby, slow down-"

"I can't," he whispers, gasping as his hips start rutting automatically against your ass, your slick folds making the wet noises fill the home. The noises fueled him, his thrusts getting faster and rougher, loud moans falling from his mouth as you basically scratched against the walls. "Fucking hell, I can't stop thinking about you... I never want to stop fucking you."

And to be honest, he didn't. He held himself to that standard, never once pulling out of you as he maneuvered all throughout the house and fucked you literally against anything he could, resulting in you ultimately passing out as soon as he got you to the bed.

Dave sighed as he hovered over your body, smiling slightly when he saw your hickey littered form and cum caked thighs, you smelled perfect, a mix of your perfume and the cologne you bought him. He cleaned you up with your favorite towels, the special ones made of a special fabric that you loved the texture of.

He pulled away, not without a soft kiss to your temple. He walked away immediately, inhaling as he started to draw a bath for you after cleaning himself up. After walking out, he smiled when he saw you already curled up against his pillow, eyes opening and closing before he came behind you.

Your eyes snapped open as you giggled, reaching back to hold his hand and gasping as he started to push into you again. "You really know the meaning of a spree, don't you?"

"I just... I can't explain it. I love fucking you so much, I feel like I can't stop," he whispers, holding back tears as you softly stroked your cheek. He couldn't think about anything else other than fucking you anymore. "Fuck, it's bad."

"It can be," you whisper back, squeezing his wrist. "But not for us. I know... I know it's a lot, but I'll help you. I swear."

"Thank you, baby," Dave whispers, pressing soft kisses to your neck. "You wanna take a bath?"

You giggled. "Desperately so."

Your giggle makes him smile. "Then it's good that I drew you a bath with your favorite scent. Come on."

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© asterias-record-shop

[sunnyrosewritesstuff]

Thorin notices Bilbo is starving -Whumptober

Thank you anon! Oof the hobbit starving on the quest whump. I hope I delivered!

Thorin watched Bilbo walk along the path with a sense of something being…off. He couldn’t quite place his finger on it, but he just looked wrong. It was entirely possible that Thorin spent too much time thinking about the hobbit. At first, it was because he was a liability. Extra baggage that he couldn’t rid himself of, yet he felt responsible for. Regardless of what he told the wizard that first night. However, as the hobbit slowly began to prove himself, Thorin found himself watching for other reasons. 

He watched for Bilbo’s smiles when he completed a task successfully. He watched for that twitch of his nose when he was told something that made him uncomfortable. He watched for the way he ran his hands down his waistcoat, feeling the missing buttons with a look of regret. Now Thorin was watching as he stumbled about on shaking legs. His eyes unfocused when he usually is so animated in whatever Bofur had to tell him. Thorin rushed forward for reasons he couldn’t quite understand and managed to catch the hobbit before he hit the ground in a dead faint.

He barked for Oin even as his ran his fingers over his neck, feeling for a pulse. His eyes did a quick scan. There were no markings, no bruising, no sign of an injury they missed. The old healer dropped down across from Thorin as he listened to his breathing, poking and prodding, pausing along his torso. He felt back down his sides again giving Thorin a sharp look.

“Help me get his shirt open.” He demanded.

Thorin rushed to do as the healer said, pulling the ridiculous layers aside as they unfastened the tiny buttons of his shirt front. When they finally pulled it away, all the dwarves recoiled from the sight. Thorin’s jaw was dropped, mortified by what they had revealed. The chubby and round center that he had at the beginning of the quest was gone. He was practically skin draped over bones as Thorin could quite nearly count each individual rib. It didn’t make any sense though. Yes, they had been tightening up on rations lately, but it shouldn’t have caused this dramatic of a change in physique. 

“Thorin, we need to make camp and we need to get food in him now.” Oin declared. “Nothing more than some broth starting off. He’ll get sick otherwise.”

Thorin nodded and the company quickly set to work on doing what they could to make Bilbo comfortable. When Bombur brought over the bowl, Thorin spooned the broth into his mouth himself unable to leave the hobbit’s side. It took a few coaxing bites before Bilbo was finally able to wake up.

“What happened?” He muttered.

“You’re starving.” Thorin stated plainly.

Bilbo winced, turning his head away.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Thorin demanded.

“I did.” Bilbo complained. “You reminded me I would have to do without certain comforts like indulging in several meals a day.”

Something cold and ugly tightened around Thorin’s heart as he glared down at the hobbit.

“You didn’t say this would be the result?!”

“I was managing just fine!” Bilbo snapped back, lifting his head before a wave of dizziness hit that had him falling back into his bedroll.

Oin shot Thorin a look that basically said ‘don’t upset my patient’. Thorin rolled his eyes before continuing in a softer tone.

“Managing?”

“Yes.” Bilbo sniffed, eyeing the bowl beside them with longing. “I was picking nuts and edible plants alongside the road. It’s just gotten a bit more scarce lately.”

Thorin huffed having noticed the hobbit leaving the path and just thought he was getting lost or something.

“So why didn’t you say anything now?”

Bilbo shifted uncomfortably. “I didn’t want to…be a burden I suppose.”

“You’re not though.”

Bilbo scoffed and rolled his eyes, but Thorin gently moved his chin to face him again. 

“I was rather worried about you when you passed out. Don’t put me in that position again.”

The hobbit’s cheeks colored which Thorin took as a good sign. With a smirk, he held out the spoon for another bite, and Bilbo sipped it down after just a moment of hesitation. Oin came over after that to talk to Bilbo about his rehabilitation plan to get Bilbo healthy again, and Thorin watched him the whole time. Just another thing for him to take notice of the hobbit.

Trick or Treat My Inbox

[cultofdixon]

You do what you can

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Grimes’s Sister!Reader • This group desperately needs a home, and you need help. There’s only so much the archer and leader can do • ANGST/SFW • TW: Pregnancy / Excessive Nausea & Vomiting / Malnutrition

Requested by: Anon

NEXT

Hyperemesis Gravidarum, or severe vomitting is what Hershel said. It’s excessive nausea and vomiting that results in being unable to eat and drink because you can’t keep anything down.

Of course I had it.

Finding out I was pregnant in the prison, during the good times was of course bittersweet. Daryl, my partner, was worried about losing me like Lori but reassured that everything would be fine. Then the illness came through and he thought I had it with how intense my morning sickness was.

But Hershel reassured us and well scared us about a lot of the reactions that come with not being able to keep anything down.

“Please, what can I do?”

“Some just have this, Daryl. I’ll keep an eye on her. You gotta help the others”

While Daryl helped get medicine for those suffering the prison illness, he managed to find IV bags of fluids and that helped keep me hydrated when I couldn’t even take a sip of water without my throat burning.

Then well…a lot happened after that

Days have passed and again, a lot has happened. The prison collapsed, the group splitting, Beth’s disappearance, The Claimers,…Terminus, and now the group found themselves in the forest after barley escaping that hell they claimed as a “sanctuary for all” but it wasn’t.

After the small reunion, the group started to walk to…somewhere that wasn’t there. Eventually finding the chapel and the priest that almost lost his life if they didn’t arrive.

Before she even stepped foot into the small chapel, Y/N gripped Daryl’s arm indicating she needed to throw up again and step away to do so. Least she’s trying to inform him instead of disappearing for a few minutes to vomit in the woods. Not a pretty sight or…a pleasant sound.

Rick noticed the two coming in last as Y/N pulls away from Daryl to sit in a pew before ultimately laying down in it. He frowns trying to think of what he could do, she is his sister after all.

“How she doing?” He asks the second the archer approached him after checking on her once more.

“We better have a plan soon” Daryl frowns crossing his arms. “Doubt we’ll run into another hospital but the IV shit helped. Gotta find something like it”

“Or try to get her to drink. Just. Shit, I don’t know what else to do. Lori never had this shit”

The archer was sort of lost in his own mind, trying to plan something out that could help his partner. But every end is a dead one.

“I’m gonna keep watch, holler if?”

“Yeah, go ahead” Rick frowns watching Daryl go back to the pew Y/N was currently laid in, informing her of where he’ll be before stepping out of the chapel and Carol following behind him.

A few hours passed and Y/N jolted awake from an anxious thought only to feel the jacket draped over her which belonged to her brother. She eventually brought herself to sit up and put the jacket on entirely feeling the dryness of her hands, especially after not being able to have nutrients.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Michonne brought herself to sit with Y/N as she instantly rests her head on her friend’s shoulder. “Rick is taking watch and Daryl still isn’t back yet, just thought—-“

“He’s looking for Beth”

“How do you—?”

“Gut feeling…” Y/N frowns bringing her hands onto her small bump, feeling the anxiety bubble up inside her. “Michonne?”

“Yes?”

“…I…I’m afraid of losing my baby” She did her best to keep the tears from coming even if her body fought her against it and worsened her headache by bringing on the tears. “or of them losing—-“

“We will find the help you need. To keep you both alive and well”

But the worse kept coming, and we kept losing.

Bob was the first because of a bite. Then it was Beth at the hospital because of a cop with a trigger finger. Then Tyreese from blood loss because of an amputation caused by a bite. Sasha lost a partner and her brother, Maggie lost the last of her family. The two were on edge, Daryl felt like he failed, and the group was slowly weakening the more they continued on this blind path given the real news about Eugene came out. So no more hope for a cure. It will always be survival for those living through the apocalypse.

Maggie grew extra attached to Y/N given her state and the group can’t take another loss if it happened. Every time Y/N had to throw up or take a breather while the others kept walking, besides Daryl, Maggie was always there glued to her side which included Glenn glued to hers.

“Rick” Maggie called out for him with a bit of venom in her voice as he gave her a concerned look while handing Judith to Carol. “We need a break”

“It’s barely midday, we have to keep walking”

“Y/N can’t keep walking any longer. She needs a break” Maggie frowns pulling him to look directly at Y/N who was struggling to keep herself up even with Daryl’s help.

“Alright…Alright!” Rick nods directing people into the tree line, out of the road, to set up camp for the rest of the day and night.

Abraham took care of checking their surroundings as Sasha retraced their steps making sure they weren’t followed by anything or anyone. Carol got Noah and Glenn to help her set a few trigger lines for those who want to sleep. As much as Daryl wanted to help secure their surroundings, he felt as if he’d leave Y/N, that she’d decline. She’s already doing so but he thought he’d accelerate the process the moment he leaves.

“Can yea try for me?” Daryl frowns giving the last of his water to his partner as she nods, accepting his help with drinking from his canteen. He noticed a bit of a skin reaction on her neck from scratching the dryness as it was the same on her left arm. “Try not to scratch anymore…”

“Hard not to…” Y/N frowns leaning against the tree as Daryl sets his canteen down with his stuff bringing himself to sit against the tree. Gesturing with his eyes for her to lay her head in his lap. “We’ll find something…right, Dar?”

“I promise yea, sunshine” Daryl reassures brushing the hair out of her face watching Maggie approach them draping the blanket Rosita gave her to give Y/N over her body. The poor girl had already fallen asleep after being still long enough. “We’ll find somewhere right?”

“If we have to take it from somebody, then yeah. We’ll find somewhere” Maggie reassures him with a smile but hell, he knew she was anxious about her state.

The night was rough.

While she was exhausted more than the others because of being pregnant and having to be a part of less than 3% of pregnant individuals with hyperemesis gravidarum, she couldn’t control her anxiety jerks that would wake her. Freaking out Daryl every time and him waking resulted in Rick and Maggie waking given they stuck close to the two. Then the almost every hour to vomit. It’s gotten bad that Y/N started to dry heave and that would wake the rest sleeping. But every complain resulted in either her partner glaring at them or her brother snapping.

“My head hurts…” Y/N whispers to herself as the group started walking again the next day, this time she was with Carol while Daryl searched around for anything to have a longer stay in. Away from staying outside.

“Is that it?” Carol’s worry came out of her tone as she brought her arm around Y/N’s waist when she noticed her sway slightly. “You’ve got the last of the water…not like it was enough…we need a miracle or something”

“Kids first…Jude needs it. Carl needs it—-“

“You and your baby do too” Her tone shifted to strict immediately. She remembered how Y/N sacrificed a lot of her things in the past to keep everyone else afloat and she wasn’t about to let her do it again when it comes to her health.

It felt like fate or a foreshadow given after that conversation, everyone surrounded a cluster of water bottles in the middle of the road about an hour later.

“Someone has to test it” Eugene went to grab one and it was immediately smacked out of his hands by Abraham. “What!”

“It could be a trap” Rosita scoffs at him. “You think we’d give a pregnant woman poisoned water”

“Not like I can keep it down” Y/N whispers as she stares at the cluster before flinching to the touch of water. Water?

The storm that Rick expected to come days later, decided to come sooner and thank Mother Nature for that. Few started to empty to bottles and fill it with rain water as it was the next best thing, then those who’ve lost so much took the “peaceful” moment to take it all in.

As Y/N looks up at the rainfall feeling the heat expel her body for a moment and a sudden wave of uncertainty take her. But before she could even be audible about such, her body had enough.

“Y/N!” Maggie yells the second her body hit the floor as Daryl instantly dropped to her aid checking her person for any injury.

But it was just her body shutting down and that thought triggered Daryl.

“I saw a barn a few yards inward. We gotta—-“

Rick didn’t hesitate another moment as he quickly picked up his sister in his arms while Daryl led the way to the temporary shelter he found.

After another rough night and sort of rude morning, Daryl protectively held Y/N close to his person the second she woke around the time this Aaron guy was discovered.

“Hey…hey” Daryl fought back tears watching her wake as she didn’t say anything but rest her head against his chest in a sense of reassurance. “You’re gonna be okay, okay? Please” his voice cracked trying to say more.

“Our community can protect her, your daughter.” Aaron tried to sell this unknown community as he glances to the situation happening behind Rick and directed toward that. “Can save her from dying—-“

Watch your words.

Rick instantly grabbed his collar forcing the man against the nearest wall glaring into his soul. “She ain’t dying and how do I know you wouldn’t kill her in this place?”

“B-Because we won’t! You don’t have to trust us right away b-b-but we have an infirmary. A-A surgeon that knows his stuff”

If his sister wasn’t in this condition, he wouldn’t have give in so easily. Not like he wouldn’t watch this total stranger like a hawk when checking her person.

Which led them to giving about five percent of their trust to this stranger and following him with his partner to Alexandria, the community he talked about. A few residents that helped with the infirmary tried taking Y/N on a gurney but her family was close to killing a few people for trying to touch her without warning. Soon Daryl along with Maggie followed the few that pulled Y/N away on the gurney they brought out after Aaron’s partner Erin radio’d in.

“If you keep glaring, it won’t let me work faster” Peter states, getting the IV into Y/N’s arm after he asked Maggie to help her out of her clothes and into a new change of clothes enough to show some of the skin lesions she had so he could take care of them.

“Don’t do anythin’ without informing” Daryl glares keeping close to Y/N’s bedside on the other side. Peter looks at him with a blank expression, tensing a bit every now and then.

“She’ll stay here until she’s hydrated enough, or least til your group gets placement.” He states hanging the bag after taping the IV on her arm. “Y’all said she’s pregnant?”

For an anxious reason, Daryl gave Maggie a worried expression thinking…yeah…when Peter was simply asking to confirm it or not.

“Yeah, she’s pregnant. Why?” Maggie frowns watching Peter’s every move as he stepped away to one of the storage closets for equipment they have and or get from runs.

“We don’t have an ultrasound machine. Just tests and one of these things I forgot the name of” Peter held a device that could detect the heartbeat of a fetus, as for checking the conditions they’d have to go full old school for that and he’d need to find a book in their library, if they have one on pregnancy. But for now they have this.

Right before Peter even moved the blanket to lift her shirt to put the wand on, Y/N flinched pulling herself away given she woke once more in the middle of all that. Daryl frowns, relieved though, as he brushes back her hair catching her worried expression.

“He’s gonna check on the peanut, Y/N. Just let’em. I won’t let him do anythin’ else” Daryl reassures as Y/N nods slowly letting the man work but kept her eyes on him while he turned the device on and guided the wand to the right spot.

Heartbeat

A surprisingly healthy heartbeat

“That’s good. Strong” Peter states pulling the wand away before fixing the blanket over her and putting the device away. “I’ll come back in an hour or two to give her more fluids. Want me to tell your leader you’ll be in here?” He asks Maggie given the two watched Daryl drop to his knees hugging Y/N tightly her in her laid out state.

“Please.” Maggie gave a small smile letting the man leave before bringing herself to the other side of her bed resting her hand on her leg. “We’ll make this place work. To keep you both safe”

The two held onto one another and Maggie kept an eye on them for Rick before leaving to give them a minute. She kept close to the infirmary in case either of the two needed anything as she watches Rick practically run his way over to her with a worried look.

“She’s going to be okay. They both are” Maggie smiles watching the tension leave Rick’s shoulders for a moment as he instantly went for a hug with his friend.

When they parted, before the retired sheriff went in to check on his sister himself…the remaining Greene stopped him.

“Yeah?”

“We need to make this place work, Rick”

“I know…but—-“

“You can be cautious. We all are gonna be a while…but we all need this to work. For us, your kids, for them. We need this place for us”

“You do what you can for your family, and I’ll always protect mine”

[melinoelliones]

Happy birthday to the man himself, Mr Meliodas.

MINORS DNI/AGELESS BLOGS DNI/ANTI DC DNI/18+

For the birthday boy I decided to throw you guys some birthday headcanons and a little drabble at the end, it’s very rushed but yeahhhh! ENJOY MELIODAS LOVERS!

• He defo isn’t one to want a huge gathering or anything, prefers to spend it with either just you or the sins too.

• Also isn’t good at accepting gifts nor is he easy to buy for, will usually pull the either the “You are all I need” line or “what does a guy need after 3000 birthdays”, which results in everyone in the room rolling their eyes in unison

• He adores you though so honestly he doesn’t feel as if he needs extra stuff

• When you surprise him he loves it though, mostly because he enjoys watching you get excited to show him what you’ve done to celebrate, whether that be a trip, gathering or gift

• As he blows out the candles to his cake Ban would make, he wishes for the same thing every year and it’s to be able to live out the rest of his life with you

• He is a birthday sex man, probably the thing he looks forward to from the morning

• Enjoys a drink or two on his birthday from his special collection, like breaking out the good Vanya ale

• Is stuck to you like glue the entire day, hand around your waist not wanting to let you out of his sights

• Half way through the night while everyones gathered around the tables probably playing some sort of game or reminiscing on the past he’d slip his hand onto your thigh

• Probably just lets it sit there, maybe attempts to play with you under the table teasing with you just a little to get a reaction out of you

• Everyone around is most likely aware of what he’s doing as its nothing new but as its his birthday they’d not bat an eye

• Meliodas would get you to the point where if anything you want him more than he had anticipated

• Then he’d make a quick exit with you holding his hand, running to the room you both share

• That would be the start to your long night ahead

“Do ya like it? I got it just for you” you asked, arms latched around the barmans neck, his eyes scanning every inch of your body. “Just for me? It looks perfect on you, and it's my favourite colour” he smirked, his hand trailing up your side before dropping it down into the lace of your underwear.

Every year on Meliodas’ birthday you would buy a piece of lingerie, just as a little extra gift as you always knew how your nights would end that day, even if it ended up on the floor most times.

“I almost don’t wanna rip it off ya but fuck you’re gorgeous” he grinned, placing soft kisses along your neck before sucking on each one, “do as you please, birthday boy” you giggled.

“Is that right?” he chuckled against your neck, his lips trailing along your chest, down your stomach and to your laced underwear, his hand slipping them off with ease.

“Shouldn’t I be spoiling you for your birthday?”, you asked, looking down at the man between your legs, it was his day, shouldn’t he get pampered?

“Being between your legs is being spoilt, it’s where I wanna be”, he laughed, grazing his hand along your thigh, the heat between them rising as he did “but trust me, we’ll get to the other stuff, we have the whole night” he winked.

The night had only just begun for the two of you, as for the party guests, they were in for one hell of evening, if they weren’t already passed out drunk like usual. Which was probably for the better.

[poppy-metal]

Having thoughts on arranged marriage!au....pretend w me for a second, let me live in a lil bit of delusion...

She doesn't really freak out at that much money, there's a reason she's his wife, but it feels too placating. A chew toy to "satisfy" her for right now until he grows a backbone and actually talks to her. Maybe even apologizes for how he was the night before.

She's a little bit pissy but doesn't try to send the money back, though the thought crossed her mind. Instead she spends it frugally- a few pieces of jewelery here, a new dress she had been looking at for the upcoming summer months, maybe even a few supplies for a hobby she wants to pick up while Patrick's off fucking Tashi.

She also doesn't really acknowledge that he might've done anything wrong. In her mind, she knows how she acts gets his blood boiling. Obedient, submissive, quiet, unassuming. Maybe she does it intentionally. Maybe she thinks of him as a bully, a bully seeking out her reactions - pushing and pushing and pushing until she snaps like she did the other night before getting herself under control. She doubles down on her behavior as a result. Hell, one night after getting back from hooking up with Tashi, he finds her, sitting in their dining room, the table set up for a feast- that she cooked. There's a few candles in the center, along with some pretty centerpieces that sparkle in the dim light. She smiles, getting up to take his coat, and kiss his cheek. "Welcome home."

She leads him to the table, pulling out his chair- like he should be doing for her- and sitting on the opposite end of him. She makes light banter now and then, still all smiles and polite manners, "Could you pass me the potatoes?" "How was your day?" "I've been thinking about one of the upcoming charity events, I think we should do something more out there, not just a children's hospital, maybe a homeless shelter?"

He snaps. His cock is twitching at the thought of her plump little body, so sweet and pliant and caring under him, "Thank you honey, oh god you feel so good, I love you-" He can't even imagine you being a fucked up little freak, begging for his fingers in your ass or on your throat, crying out 'daddy' over and over, and God does he feel bad about it. His chair clatters to the floor as he stomps away, up to their 'shared' bedroom (she's still sleeping in the guest room), and pulling his cock out.

He's never been more ashamed or angry to jerk off in his life. He's treated you like shit the entire time you've been married, only just recently doing something nice by giving you that money, and here you are, still smiling and cutesy and busy being a wife. His wife. Shame stirs deep in his belly as he paws at his balls, fondling them slowly, like he thinks you would. He moans quietly, almost hearing your mousy little voice practically crooning at him - "Does it feel good? Do I make you feel good?" God, all the reactions he's tried pulling out of you, the viciousness, the venom, the way he knows you want to react, to claw at him, yell and bitch about how he's an asshole, a cheater, a fucking godawful husband who you should divorce. He wants those so bad, but he's stroking his dick to the thought of your nice, pretty little pussy. Wrapped so sweetly around him he wouldn't even be able to call it fucking, he's jerking off to the thought of making love to you, filling you with kids, being a good husband deserving of your cute banter, your delicious meals, your modest, obedient personality.

After he cums, alternating between staring at his hand and the ceiling, he can hear you climbing up the stairs, opening the door to the guest room beside his room.

You didn't expect to see him leave like that, red in the face and his pants tight with the raging boner he had. You also didn't expect it to affect you. No matter how badly he treats you, you can't deny that he is hot. It gets you wet to think of how much power you can hold over him- even if it's anger. No matter how much he hates you, you are still his wife. Your hand drifts down your panties, circling your clit.

He can hear your quiet, soft moans. Like the pervert he is, he pressed his ear against the shared wall between the two rooms. He can feel blood rush down to his cock, filling it back out. He can't hear the whir of a vibrator or the squelching of something pushing its way inside your wet hole. You're just using your fingers on your clit, and he's never been harder in his life at the thought, save for maybe a few minutes before. His sweet little wife, who he's slowly realizing he kinda likes.

GODD PLEASE I NEED HIM.

bro this shit made me vibrate DESPERATE PATHETIC YEARNER PATRICK ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[forensicheart]

Brother's Teammate

Fernando Alonso x Stroll!Reader

Summary: Lance's sister decides to watch him at his home race, but she finds herself not being able to take her eyes off his teammate instead

Warning/s: Age gap (Reader- 24, Fernando- 42)

A/N: after very close poll results here is the winning fic! I'm considering doing a part two for this one so let me know what you think! <3 (also someone teach me how to use the scheduled posts cause I swear I did it for this but apparently not 😭 many more docs coming very soon!!!)

You had been to quite a few of your brother's races before but once college got busy you couldn't support him as much as you use to. But now you had graduated and eager to get back to watching the track action from your brother's team garage and not your couch.

The first race you were able to attend was also coincidentally Lance's home race. The Canadian Grand Prix. Of course you were beyond excited to watch him race, the days feeling like they dragged on as you counted down wishing for the weekend to come along quicker. Once it did you were getting up extra early to make sure you were ready in time to spend as much time with your brother as possible.

Walking into the paddock you felt a sense of nervousness wash over you. You hadn't been to a race in forever and navigating your way around the place had been easily forgotten now that you were so use to just turning on the tv. Sporting your Aston Martin cap you searched for the matching garage but couldn't seem to spot the green anywhere.

"Excuse me, do you need some help?" You jumped slightly by the sudden voice, stopping to turn around to face the culprit.

"You look quite lost is all" They continued and this time you took note of the accent, Spanish. He was an older looking man, but certainly good for his age. Fernando Alonso, it clicked in your head, your brothers teammate. You blinked as you tried to gather your scrambled thoughts and shot the man a shy smile.

"I wouldn't want to be too much trouble, it seems to be much different from when I was last here" You chuckled awkwardly feeling a tad embarrassed under the now identified man's gaze. But he simply shot you a charming smile and waved his hand, discarding your worries.

"Nonsense, no trouble at all, by the attire it seems we're headed in the same direction anyway" He smirked giving you a once over. Along with the cap a forest green dress adorned your body with full intent to show your pride for Lance's team.

"It seems so" You let out another small, almost awkward, laugh which just made Fernando's smirk widen before he gestured for you to follow.

"Come along then, I'll lead the way" The two of you walked casual pace, as if Fernando didn't need to be preparing for the quickly approaching race. You took in the surroundings as you walked, taking note of particular marks you passed on the way in hopes you would remember for next time. You were lost in your thoughts until you heard Fernando clear his throat making your head snap towards him to see that you were now standing in front of the Aston Martin garage.

"Here we are" He spoke with a gesture towards the garage in which you responded with a smile.

"Thank you, I honestly don't think I ever would've gotten here otherwise" Fernando laughed at your words, sounding like music to your ears as you noticed the way his eyes lit up as he smiled.

"It was my pleasure" He paused for a moment before speaking again. "I don't believe I ever introduced myself, Fernando Alonso, and you are?" He raised a brow sticking out a hand politely to which you took gently in your own.

"I'm-"

"Y/N!" A loud voice interrupted the you, your hand torn out of Fernando's as a body crashed into yours, arms wrapping tightly around you. The breath felt like it had been sucked out of you as the body went you stumbling back a few steps but the familiar hold made you beam with joy as you returned the hug. Pulling away from the hug you find your brother smiling down at you.

"I was starting to think you weren't going to show up" You scoffed at his words playfully rolling your eyes.

"Your home race? I would never miss this opportunity" You smiled brightly at him.

"Well let's give you the grand tour then shall we?" Lance smirked throwing an arm around your shoulder and you nodded with a laugh.

Fernando was forgotten about as the two siblings wondered into the garage with excitement leaving him to get more of a look at what seemed to be his teammates friend? Maybe girlfriend. As Fernando looked her up and down as she walked away though he prayed she wasn't Lance's girlfriend because god she was gorgeous. And her voice, he could listen to her speak til the end of time.

Inside the garage Lance has given you a tour of everything possible, explaining each wonder of yours to the best of his ability. You watched the buzzing garage in awe, listening to your brother's words as you took in everything as if you had never seen it before. It all seemed so different from the last time you had been at any of the races though and you were more than happy to relearn all that your brother loved about his job. You couldn't help but let your eyes drift to the opposite side of the garage though were a certain Spaniard moved purposely in order to ready himself for the upcoming race. Your cheeks flushed a light red as you eyed the way his fireproofs clung to his body. How his dark locks looked so tempting to run your hands through. You were snapped out of your thoughts as Fernando's eyes met yours from across the garage and the smirk that lit his face made your face turn many shades darker. He rose an eyebrow at you in question and you looked away shyly knowing you'd been caught staring at the man. As soon as you turned your attention back to Lance though you felt a presence behind you, one that made you turn around to face as your brother greeted them.

"Ah Fernando! I don't think I introduced you to Y/n before" Lance spoke causing Fernando to shake his head as he confirmed that he had not been introduced.

"This is Y/n, my younger sister" The same smirk you had seen moments before made its way onto Fernando's face once more as he took in the new information of your relationship with his teammate. The smirk quickly transformed into a polite smile though as he avoided raising questions from said teammate.

"A pleasure to meet you" Fernando hummed locking eyes with you, the look he gave made you shiver slightly as you saw the curiosity and desire within his eyes.

"Likewise" You were aware that the feelings hidden in his eyes were also mirrored in yours. This revelation caused Fernando's smirk to form once again. Before Fernando is able to open his mouth again though his name is called from further in the garage.

"Duty calls it seems but I hope to see you around" Fernando finishes with a wink your way as he wonders off. You can't fight the blush that rises as your eyes trail after his body before a gasp sounds from next to you.

"Absolutely not" Lance exclaims sternly as he steps into your eyeline.

"Oh come on, you're no fun" You huff crossing your arms as you roll your eyes at your brother.

"He's my teammate and practically double your age!" Lance makes a point but you simply shrug.

"Sometimes you gotta live a little"

"You're ridiculous" Lance snorts before swinging an arm over your shoulder.

"Come on, let me show you where you'll be watching the race from"

Your brother may have expected you to watch him during the race, and you did for parts of it, but you couldn't stop your gaze from drifting to his teammates car too. The way he drove appeared effortless, overtaking without struggle and quickly placing himself near the front of the pact.

While neither Aston Martin had landed on the podium they found themselves with the front runners causing the garage to erupt in cheers. A 4-5 finish was pretty damn impressive and for a moment you didn't think your smile could get any wider. The cameras panned to Fernando taking off his helmet, his fingers running through his hair as he removed his balaclava and you found yourself staring in awe at the image. He flashed a charming smile as he spotted the camera and it felt as if it was directed to only you. If this is what the races were like then maybe you wouldn't mind coming a bit more often.

[bengiyo]

BL 2023 Review

I wasn’t sure how I wanted to write about BL for this year. I was originally going to do a The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly framework for it, but that feels meaner than I actually am about it. Instead, I think I’ll just write out some sections and unpack some things I felt along the way.

I Watched Too Much Again

Last year I engaged with about 92 productions around the world. This year it was 99 (I tracked stuff I completed here). Sure I dropped 18 of them this year, but goddamn. The problem with watching as much as I did this year is that I worked full time this year and also maintained a separate hobby. I also continued my twice-weekly watch sessions with my friend Emily, so there are an additional 100-ish watch sessions in here of rewatching, plus a few other rewatches (Theory of Love and My Ride most notably).

One of my struggles at this point is I’m far too familiar with the genre, and find myself feeling impatient and irritable with shows that aren’t to my taste the way I used to. Throughout the late summer and fall I found myself increasingly grumpier about the genre, and it didn’t get better until I had a holiday and basically slept a day to get some energy back. I also found myself growing apart from fans I’ve known and followed a long time. It’s been a difficult year for me as a long-time fan because my tastes, habits, and friendships in the genre have changed even if the amount I watch hasn’t really.

I Wrote a Lot This Year

I recently converted my watch tag away from my gaming internet persona to just my shortname, so all near-1000 of my Stray Thoughts posts can be found under #ben watches now. I’ve also been going back and adding #ben writes to some of the standalone pieces that I really liked. In reviewing them, the pieces I’m happiest about are my ode to Framboise from Kabe Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to Be Recognized, my post begging everyone to watch La Pluie, my post about what it means to actually like queer men, my SBS ep 10 post that ended up being wrong, my post about the Lavender Scare and Be My Favorite, my Tokyo in April is… post about the breaking of the BL line,

However, the two posts I am most proud of is my half-joking response about why I think tagging each other back and forth across Tumblr in our writing is so important. and The Knowing: Being Queer in BL because I had so much great conversations with folks as a result of both of these posts.

Looking back at my own blog, this is probably the most active I’ve been in my entire time on this website, so thank you to everyone who interacted with me this year, because it really is people talking to me that gets me most inspired to write things down. Big shout out to @lurkingshan who will bug me repeatedly until I blog something that I said in passing.

We Started a Podcast!

After hanging out with @shortpplfedup since Bad Buddy, she got inspired and really wanted to bring something different to the BL podcasting sphere. I had time, and liked talking with her enough, so we started @the-conversation-pod. Now we’re a full year into it and planning out future stuff. It’s been so much fun being able to get things off my soul and break poor NiNi in our recording sessions.

From this year, I think my favorite episodes we did were The Moonlight Chicken Episode, the Eighth Sense episode, the ITSAY Anniversary Episodes,  The Wedding Plan episode, , and The Holiday Clip Show. Huge shout out to @ginnymoonbeam for anchoring the transcription process, and @lurkingshan for editing.

The VIIB Awards will begin airing soontm so look forward to that.

Favorite New Term: Business Gay Performance

Let’s be clear, Bump Up Business is not good. It is an obvious BL cash grab from OnlyOneOf that seeks to comment on the fake nature of BL while doing everything it can to trick the audience into believing that the BL pair is real.

Before we got deeper into this year, I was a big fan of a certain pairing, and then their fans took it too far and it affected the way I engaged with their performances and their work. I like that we have a new term for “fanservice” that communicates that you understand that this is for work. (thanks to NiNi for this comparison) I can look at the latest behind the scenes video from Last Twilight and say that I think Sea really understands the work they’re doing, and he and Jimmy have a very relaxed and mature version of BGP without feeling like I’m feeding into shipping.

Do I think they’re dating? No. Do I like the way they fake it? Absolutely!

I can look at one of @respectthepetty posts about Yin and War having personalized, color-coded mics, and we can talk about the next level BGP between the two and both communicate that we know that this is a performance.

It actually makes the extra PR work fun for me again, because now I can just shout “BGP! BGP! BGP!” and it not feel like I’m giving myself brainrot.

Thai BL Needs to Finish Stronger Next Year

Let’s get into some of the show stuff. This year was defined for me by Thai BL starting strong with good premises and then squandering them by not focusing on the details that mattered or leaning into baseless melodrama. Time for some reads. Some of these shows were generally good, but they failed at these things:

609 Bedtime Story: The world building crumpled in the back half and both endings are flat.

A Boss and a Babe: Cher is a pro gamer who worked for a gaming company and there was no plot point about this at all, or collaboration between the two groups.

Bake Me Please: Why was a show about cake so lacking in flavor?

Be Mine SuperStar: You had a real opportunity to explore a fan and idol romance and had Punn show so little growth. I hope the footage of First’s range is helpful now that Ja is out of BL.

Be My Favorite: You redid that whole amusement park date and muddled so much of what the hell happened on that day.

Between Us: You had years to make this interesting. Why are there five pairs and why is the end of this a JC Penny catalog photoshoot?

Dangerous Romance: What the fuck happened to the Sailom we had in episode 1 and 2 before that gun incident?

Hidden Agenda: Tee, what the hell was this? Twelve weeks of this?

I Feel You Linger in the Air: You may be the most beautiful show, with some of the most impressive performances of the year, but you absolutely botched this ending. Finish the goddamn season next time.

Love in Translation: I love you, but that whole kidnapping plot was so stupid at the end.

Low Frequency: I like your OST. That's about it.

My Dear Gangster Oppa: No examination about how gaming friendships become close quickly because of the combination of anonymity and teamwork (shout out to @twig-tea for this excellent summation).

My School President: Saving your gay commentary for the final episode felt like a conservative choice. I want more from you next time.

Naughty Babe: You retconned your own characters to tell a worse story. Unforgiveable.

Never Let Me Go: You didn’t know if you wanted to be a high school BL or a mafia story. It was difficult to watch.

Only Friends: I cannot believe you did Boston like that at the end. Either give Force’s character a clear personality next time, or keep him enigmatic; half measures make him and Book look worse. Sand was absolutely embarrassing. Boeing was a waste. Ending on all of them paired like that felt so unearned.

Step By Step: You forgot to ground Jeng’s external dreams at the end, so the final two episodes are just frustrating.

I’m glad I got that off my chest. We can go into the next year now.

Korea Put in the Work This Year

I really like the efforts from the various Korean studios this year. I really hope we get a Strongberry joint next year, but I want to acknowledge that we had 18 Korean BL dramas I watched this year, and at least three of them I think are must watches: Our Dating Sim, Sing My Crush, and The Eighth Sense. Beyond that, I think Love Tractor, Unintentional Love Story, and A Breeze of Love are easy recommendations.

It’s really impressive how the complaint for me this year with Korean BL is not about them using their time poorly. It’s more about normal drama concerns, where I think characterization is a little weak, or a theme doesn’t land squarely. This rapid iteration from the Korean studios is really impressive to watch, and I’m excited to see what some of the recognized players do next year.

Taiwan and The Philippines Have Been Quiet for Me

I wasn’t really able to connect with much from the Philippines this year except for The Day I Loved You. I never wrote about The Day I Loved You, but this beautiful and heart wrenching show is one of my favorites from this year. I wasn’t too keen on the Oxin Films offerings of this year, and I’m still chasing down the ones from The IdeaFirst Company.

As for Taiwan, this new BL project from the end of the year just isn’t hitting. Kiseki: Dear to Me also ended up really hurting me with the way they used Wayne Song and Huang Chun Chih. I love that angry little man with the white hair, but I’m still salty about Wayne and the general mess of that show.

Japan was Busy This Year

I watched 16 new shows, a few older ones, and a few movies this year from Japan. We haven’t gotten this much from them ever. I continue to love the Drama Shower project from MBS, and my beloved What Did You Eat Yesterday? returned this year. We had pretty stellar outings with Our Dining Table, If It’s With You, and I Cannot Reach You.

I think a third of the Japanese BL I’ve tracked on MDL actually released this year. That’s huge.

Still, I am going to side eye Minato’s Laundromat 2. You were the show that let me down the most this entire year. More than Only Friends, more than Step By Step, and even more than Kiseki. You absolutely blew it. You were telling a great story about a man with an acute case of internalized homophobia coming out of his shell and learning to love his younger partner and you blew it for stupid amnesia nonsense. I will never forgive you for this.

Where Were All the Uncles This Year?

Really, without Jim from Moonlight Chicken, and without the men from What Did You Eat Yesterday? we had an alarming dearth of older gay characters passing on knowledge and wisdom to the youngsters this year. What the hell happened?

Rare Dynamics Won: Second Chance Romance and Friends to Lovers!

We had so much second chance romance this year. It’s really my favorite version of gay romance because gays don’t always have ideal settings when they’re young. We had Our Dating Sim, Individual Circumstances, Jun & Jun, The End of the World With You, Tokyo in April is…, Be My Favorite, Love Class Season 2, and A Breeze of Love. I am satisfied.

Friends to Lovers is actually so rare in romance and we have so many to choose from this year! The best examples are I Cannot Reach You and Sing My Crush, but we also have one of the pairs in Love Class Season 2.

Gay Thoughts

I had a couple of ongoing thoughts this year about queerness in BL.

First, I want to return to my post about Sing My Crush and La Pluie, and how I assert that Men Need to Be Angry Sometimes. More than giving men grace to be righteously angry or upset about things, along with letting them express it in ugly ways, I really want to get into how we engage with these shows. I will stop engaging with moralistic reads on characters in 2024. I will no longer engage with asks, reblogs, or meta gripping the fandom where we're judging the moral fiber of the character.

The question that really only matters for me at this point is: Is this act from the character justified from their characterization, the narrative, or genre conventions; and is it interesting? Whether or not the character is good or bad reeks of the lame arguments about good and bad representation, and I am not watching BL like I’m being graded in Sunday school.

The second thing I really want to acknowledge at the end of the year is that the gay sex is finally getting better again. I watched The Novelist this year, and we have taken so long to get back to the space that show took us on the portrayal of male-male intimacy. We are in the genre about people with dicks. It should feel like it. There should be a masculine component there that feels specific to queer intimacy.

I will acknowledge 2 Cutie 2 Pie, A Boss and a Babe, Be Mine SuperStar, Bed Friend, Candy Color Paradox, For Him, I Cannot Reach You, Kiseki: Dear to Me, La Pluie, Love Class 2, Love in Translation, Love Mate, Middleman’s Love, Naughty Babe, Only Friends, The End of the World With You, Tokyo in April is…, and Wedding Plan for your contributions.

Final Thoughts

I like how broad the genre felt this year, and I enjoyed how much speculative fiction is entering into the conversation. I don’t know how I feel about there being five vampire stories in the works next year, but overall I’m glad that we’re getting more experimental concepts. I’m burnt out on the college engineering BL, and would like to see more shows about working adults.

Despite how grumpy I was for at least three months, I think this has genuinely been one of the best years we’ve ever had in the genre. I made a lot of new friends in BL this year, and I’m excited to see what comes next. Thank you all for spending some of your time with me this year and I’ll see you in the next one.

[slayfics]

Absolutely breathtaking commission from @kurumi-igarashi, depicting the moment Katsuki proposes to Kansa. She really out did herself on this one, I’ve been speechless over it for days. Short fic to follow.

Dynamite proposes to Persuasion.

950 words

Kansatoki and Katsuki walked down the busy sidewalk patrolling for anything of interest. It was rare for the two to patrol together as Katsuki preferred one of them to be at the agency at any given time.

Pedestrians nodded at the heroes as they passed. The occasional fanboy stopped to ask Persuasion for a picture while nervously navigating around the intimidating Dynamite.

"Thank you!" The fanboy smiled at Persuasion placing his phone back in his pocket, hands shaking he took off quickly down the street as soon as his gaze caught Dynamite's intense glare.

"Can we get back to it then?" Katsuki huffed, rolling his eyes and continuing to walk down the street.

Kansatoki followed his lead, an amused smile at his unspoken jealousy. "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Is it about how annoying your fans are? Because I agree," Katsuki stated.

"No, it's about Yume and Eijiro."

"What about 'em?" He asked.

"Did they seem to be acting strange to you?" Kansatoki asked

"Nah," Katsuki said dismissing her concerns swiftly, but Kansatoki continued to make her point.

"Today Yume would barely say two words to me. Usually, she won't give me a moment alone, and the same with Eijiro. As soon as he saw me, he took off to his office."

"So? Sounds like there being good employees and it's about damn time. Plus, they were both out sick the last two days so- probably just recovering still," Katsuki replied.

"That's the thing though! I facetimed Yume when they were out sick to check in and she was out shopping at the mall with Eijiro!"

"HAH! Are you snitching on your best friend to the boss? It's not my damn business how they use their sick days." Katsuki responded.

"Yume never lies to me though! If she wasn't sick but needed the day off, she would have told me that," Kansatoki said, frustration rising.

The past few weeks Kansatoki could feel a change in Katsuki's emotions. He was more on edge and nervous than she had ever felt him before. Whenever she asked, he used the excuse that it was stress from hero work and running the agency.

Last week Katsuki went out for drinks with Eijiro while Kansatoki and Yume had a girl's night. Yume agreed with Kansatoki that something seemed off with Katsuki. Things escalated when the two boys called the girls to pick them up after getting completely shit-faced at the bar.

A normal occurrence for two best friends except Katsuki never gets drunk. Ever since that night, Yume started passing off the same excuse; Katsuki was just overwhelmed with hero work and running the agency.

The three of them were hiding something from her and she was going to find out what.

What Kansatoki didn't know is that night the boys when out for drinks, was also the night Katsuki had bought an engagement ring. His nerves were the result of him having absolutely no clue how to propose. Letting his anxiety get the best of him, he got drunk with Eijiro. Leaving the girls to drive down and bring them home in Yume's car.

To make matters worse, Katsuki's drunk ass dropped the ring.

Finding it in her car the next day, Yume exploded with excitement. Knowing she wouldn't be able to keep it a secret, Katsuki forced her and Eijiro to take a few "sick" days while she got her emotions under control.

"You're overthinking things," Katsuki said in a desperate attempt to end the conversation. Kansatoki was smart, and her quirk left little room to keep secrets from her. He knew any day she'd discover the truth.

As if answering his plea, a call came through the communicator:

Requesting hero backup at Kappabashi Steet. Villains attempting to make an escape.

"Let's go," Katsuki motioned for Kansatoki to get on his back.

Sighing at the interruption she got on, with a few explosions they were at the rooftop where the villains were attempting their getaway.

The two of them instantly got to work. Wrapping her whip around one, Persuasion brough a villain to the floor, slapping her hand across his face he fell into a deep sleep induced by her quirk.

A helicopter hummed int the background as it filmed the heroes for breaking news.

Dynamite let out explosions aimed at the other two, causing large debris to go flying Persuasions way.

Dodging it easily she turned to Dynamite in disbelief, that wasn't a mistake he's made since UA. He specially trained for his explosions to be contained and not a danger to the heroes working beside him. Whatever secret he was keeping was now affecting his hero work.

"The fuck?" She called out to him.

"Shit- you good?" He asked.

"No! I'm not! I'm tired of you hiding shit from me! Just tell me what the hell has been going on with you!" Kansatoki snapped finally reaching her breaking point.

Katsuki and their friends acting strange was one thing, but being so distracted he was making mistakes in his hero work was a whole other beast. Katsuki doesn't put anything above his hero work, so what secret could be so impactful? Kansatoki couldn't bear the growing concern she had for him any longer.

Katsuki grunted as he ran both hands over his face, reaching his own limit. "Fuck fine! You really want to know!?" He snapped back. The helicopter hummed in the background filming the hero's couple's spat on a live broadcast.

"Oh! So, there is a secret?! Of course, I'm right," Kansatoki yelled. Wind flowed through her hair, emerald eyes sparkling in the setting sun.

"I've been trying to figure out how to ask your dumb ass to marry me!" He yelled.

Kansatoki froze, processing what Katsuki had just said.

Did she hear that right?

Katsuki let out a sigh, "Fuck it," he said getting down on one knee. "Marry me?"

The live broadcast and headline "Dynamite proposes to Persuasion!" lit up around news outlets.

featured OCs

💚 Kansatoki Hikari

💚 Yume Hoshiro

[mindfulstudyquest]

starve your ego, find your peace

these are my personal thoughts, an outburst. if you want to share your opinion in the comments, i welcome it, but please be kind. if you just want to insult, go elsewhere. if you're not interested, don't read <3 i remind you that english is not my first language, so there may be a few mistakes.

ego, what an interesting word. it is a latin lemma which literally means "I", it indicates

the self, especially with a sense of self-importance.

(psychology, freudian) the most central part of the mind, which mediates with one's surroundings.

a person's self-esteem and opinion of themselves.

in a society like ours, we fight against our ego every day, the anxiety of constantly being in the spotlight, the overwhelming thought of having all eyes on us.

the idea we have of ourselves is the strongest chain that prevents us from freeing ourselves from this mental cage. both positively and negatively. if you have a distorted idea of yourself and low self-esteem, you will never be able to become your higher-self, to take that extra step that allows you to transform your daydreams into a solid reality, if you think you are unintelligent, you will tend to take this truth for granted. "i'm not smart enough for this" and you'll give up your dreams of a higher education, or of getting all A's on your finals, or of having a great and fulfilling job.

but sometimes we think too highly of ourselves too. i always joke that i make study plans like i'm a genius who studies 200 pages in a day, but the truth is, i'm not joking at all.

many of you will recognize themselves in the stereotype of the burned-out gifted kid, especially when you move to a higher level of education (from middle school to high school, or from high school to university) and at that moment all certainty of your acclaimed intelligence collapses. you are no longer in the pond with the small fish, now you are in the big tank with the big fish, relating to a much bigger world (at least in italy, the difference between high school and university is abysmal) and your brain will do everything to maintain an accurate simulacrum of your self-image.

in fact, your brain spends less energy processing two pieces of information that agrees rather than disagreeing information and since our biology is based on self-preservation, your mind will do everything to preserve its rightness. when i started university i was incredibly afraid of taking my first exam, why? because i didn't want to find out that i wasn't good enough for a more advanced education, that i wasn't the straight A's student i thought i was.

but waiting for the fear to go away will lead to you staying in the same place forever, because the fear only goes away if you face what you are afraid of, and yes, being afraid of exams may seem silly, but i'm sure many people who follow this blog will understand what it means to identify so much with your grades and to crave academic validation more than anything else.

so i did it, even though i was scared, i had to have the certainty that this was the right place for me, i studied hard, and i definitely rocked my exams. but then the spring exam session arrived, and the fear returned. tired and burned-out from the winter session i had little or no desire to study, so when the exam date approached, i was afraid of not achieving the same results as just two months before, so i postponed, i procrastinated, until the day before, i knew i had to study otherwise i wouldn't pass the exam, yet my brain continued to do everything to protect itself, to protect that completely crazy idea of myself that i could study the entire program in two days (i wish). i don't even have social media (tumblr and pinterest excluded), which is why i found every excuse possible not to study. i didn't want to sit at my desk and realize that i wasn't going to pass that exam, that i should have studied harder, try harder.

that is until i realized that it wasn't laziness or procrastination that was stopping me, or rather, procrastination was just a symptom of a bigger cause: a distorted image of myself. understanding this in my first year of university will perhaps change my next academic years, or perhaps not. i don't know how many of you have drawn these things or reached these conclusions, i just hope that you soon understand that you are not lazy, nor procrastinators, you are just humans who are afraid of failure like all other humans.

the problem arises now, how to change this image? i don't know yet, honestly, but i won't let it stop me from living my life.

uptade in the end i was so fucking lucky and got a 30/30 on my exam yesterday, but still at the cost of a lot of sanity, sleep and unjustified stress.

[pandorasprongs]

CHAPTER FOUR | come home to my heart.

'it's nice to have a friend' fic masterlist + playlist | previous chapter

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 3.1k

SUMMARY: jamie tries to get reader to forgive him.

WARNINGS: language

A/N: hello! sorry for such a long wait, i've been on vacation. i also haven't been able to proofread huhu but hopefully the interlude prepped ya'll for this moment because a good chunk of this one is from jamie's pov! don't have much to say because i don't want to spoil much hehe but enjoy jamie's comeback!

Losing Jamie for a second time felt the exact same: like absolute shit. Except this time, you were an adult and couldn't sulk in your room all day. So for the next few weeks, — aside from said crying sessions — you've been dragging yourself to all of your lectures and powering through office hours as if nothing happened.

You already told Liv about it the morning after, and after seeing your bloated face and the fact that you had a massive hangover, she decided to withhold her 'I told you so' speech, much to your relief. 

It was unraveling the exact same way as last time and the cherry on top was the fact that Jamie wasn't reaching out in any way, shape, or fucking form. No texts, calls, or anything. 

Every now and then, you'd think about reaching out yourself. It was you who yelled at him that night and told him to leave, but you would shake your head every time. No, if Jamie really wanted to preserve your relationship, he would have to be the one to reach out. You got to say your piece and that's it.

And maybe you were being a little petty, taking down all your photos with him from the shelf and stuffing them in a box with all the tokens from Jamie that you couldn’t bring yourself to throw away, but at least it stopped you from nearly breaking down every time you passed your hallway.

Jamie wasn't taking it so well either, despite what you assumed.

After that night, he had this sinking feeling in him. He knew he fucked up, — ghosting you and treating you like a complete stranger at the pub in front of his teammates, — but it hurt even more hearing you shout and tell him how badly it fucked you up.

To this day, he doesn't know why he did it, really. Maybe it was the fact that he felt guilty for never talking to you after you left. Or maybe you were right; he cared too much about what his teammates thought that he ended up hurting you in the process. But no matter the reason, he ruined one of his most important relationships that night.

So what was he going to do? What he always did. Ignore it. Focus on the season, despite the fact that Richmond has been on a losing streak since the West Ham game. While Jamie might be off his game because of you, he wasn't going to acknowledge that. Just bury it and hope it disappears.

It wasn't until after the fifth match in the losing streak that he got a message from an unknown number he was forced to confront it. 

Hi Jamie. I'm Liv. I'm not sure if (Y/N)'s mentioned me, but I'm one of her friends and I got your number from her phone. I was hoping to talk to you soon when you're free.

So now, he was sitting in a white office like he was waiting for some test results. It didn't help that the person sitting in front of him was in a lab coat, either.

"Sorry, I know it's weird we had to do this in an office." Liv started and Jamie straightened up in the chair. "I thought you'd want somewhere private to talk."

"Right."

"Yeah, so you're probably wondering why I wanted to talk to you. Uhm, (Y/N)'s been a little off recently. She told me about what happened, which I honestly saw from a mile away, but that's not the point." Liv sighs before continuing. "The last time this happened, back in uni, she practically quarantined herself in her room till her parents came and picked her up. She barely ate, and barely talked to anyone. It was terrible. And I can tell that she's on the way to that again."

Jamie's eyes widened, filled with guilt once again, but he said nothing.

Something about his reaction just triggered something in Liv. "Right, so I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but what the fuck are you doing, man?" The footballer moved back in his chair, but Liv wasn't dismayed. "Why haven't you called her? Or even texted or something."

"I," Jamie's completely at a loss for words. "I thought that she didn't want to talk."

"What gave you that idea?"

"She told me to leave that night so harshly, so I thought..." Jamie trails off, realizing how terrible that reasoning is after saying it out loud.

Liv is thinking the exact same thing, causing her to roll her eyes. "Come on, Jamie! You can't actually think she wants nothing to do with you now. She won't ever say it, but do you know how many times I've caught her checking your contact to see if you've sent anything? She misses you and seeing how shit you've been playing these past few matches, I think it's safe to assume that you miss her too."

Despite this woman being a complete stranger to Jamie, he's suddenly compelled to admit, "Just because she misses me doesn't mean that she wants me back in her life. And I don't think I should be, to be honest." She's better off without me. 

Liv's expression finally softens and she looks down at her desk before saying, "She at least deserves an apology."

—

It had been a few days since then, which Jamie had been using to think it over. He knew Liv was right; he needed to apologize. He just didn't know how. And of course, he had to talk to the most emotional man he knew.

"Jamie! What brings you here?" Ted who, despite the team losing yet another game, greeted quite cheerfully. It almost made the football player turn right back around because he wasn't sure if he was in the mood for his coach's relentless optimism.

But he knew there wasn't anyone else he could go to, seeing as you were obviously unavailable, Keeley was way swamped with her new company, and telling his mum would be indirectly telling your parents too. He shuts the door behind him and moves to Ted's side of the office. "Right, um, I was hoping to talk to you about something."

His coach seems to pick up on Jamie's uneasy demeanor and leans forward with a sympathetic look on his face. "What's up, buttercup? Should I gather the diamond dogs for this?"

Jamie, recalling the name that the coaches and Higgins called themselves, was quick to reject the idea. "No, no, I'd rather not have them find out about this. Uhm, look, I know I haven't been doing my best recently,—"

"Oh, we'll get a win soon bud, don't worry." Ted is quick to reassure the player and while Jamie appreciates it, he shakes his head.

"No, I know, but that's not it." Jamie takes a deep breath before continuing. "It's just, I've been a bit distracted recently."

"Is this about a girl perhaps?"

"No," though Jamie thinks about it for a second. “Yes, but no?" Seeing the slight look of confusion on his coach's face, he explains, "A while back, I reconnected with an old friend. She was my best friend actually, back in Manchester. We didn't exactly end on the best of terms and it was my fault. But when we met again, she told me that I didn't need to apologize."

Jamie continued to recount the past few months to his coach, from his blind date to the Bones & Honey incident, along with what he did to you in the pub all those years ago. 

"So now, I don't know what to do. Her best friend said I should apologize, but I don't really know how. I'm not really the best with these types of things." Both of them still remembered how long it took for Jamie to get the team to forgive him when he first came back.

Ted takes a second before responding, trying to figure out the best thing to say in this situation. "You know Jamie, I've always thought the simplest ways are sometimes the best ones. Overthinking things tends to complicate them more. You want to apologize right? How'd you used to do it when you were kids and you threw your little tantrums at each other?"

"Coach, I don't think bringing her chocolate is gonna work this time around." Jamie gets flashbacks to your first-ever argument as kids. Jamie accidentally ate the last slice of chocolate cake that you had unofficially saved and you stormed out and locked yourself in your room for an hour. 

All it took was Jamie sliding a bar of chocolate through the bottom of the door, explaining that he got hungry, and promising to save her a slice of cake the next time they had a party. You ended up sharing the bar with Jamie.

"Probably not. But in all the times you fought, what were the things that got her to forgive you? What did you say that made her understand your side and know that you actually were sorry for what you did? And how did you prove to her that you weren't going to do that to her again?" Maybe if Jamie thought about this advice later tonight, it'll make more sense, but right now, only one question was occupying his mind.

"D'you think she'll forgive me?" He thinks out loud.

"I honestly don't know Jamie, I don't even know who she is. But if you show her how much you care like how you're showing me right now, I'm sure things will be fine." Ted, now standing, offers a comforting pat on the back.

Without looking up, Jamie whispers, "I never meant to do this to her. To hurt her like that."

"We rarely ever mean to hurt the people we love." Ted offers.

Love. Yeah, Jamie thought, he did love you, even after all these years. Especially after all these years. What, with all the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' bullshit.

"All we can do after is try to atone for our mistakes and hope they forgive us. And even if they don't, at least you leave knowing you tried." Jamie nods his head and thanks his coach for the advice.

As he got into his car to leave the clubhouse, he pulled out his phone. Hi, are you free tonight? I was hoping we could talk. 

He anxiously waited for your reply and started listing all the places he had to pass by before heading to your place if you even answered. But before Jamie even left the car park, you already replied, Sure.

—

Maybe you had been hoping for Jamie's message more than you thought. You were in the middle of the lecture when you got his message, so while your class passed the handouts around, you took the chance to grab your phone and reply.

So now, you were anxiously waiting in your flat, still unsure of how you were meant to feel about all this. You knew there was still anger there, but you weren't sure if exploding on him relieved that feeling or made it worse. A part of you also felt guilty for it too, for not even giving him a chance to apologize in the first place. Maybe instead of awkwardly letting him inside later, you would've been having yet another movie night together.

That's what he was going to do now right? Apologize? You didn't really press on for my details when he messaged you earlier. You just hoped that seeing him again will trigger the right response to whatever he had planned.

You heard the doorbell ring and suddenly, it felt like your heartbeat quickened. You take careful steps towards the door and after mentally preparing yourself for whatever this was going to be, turn the doorknob.

"Hi," Jamie greeted, in the most awkward way possible for a guy as confident as he could. You notice him holding a box of LEGO flowers under his left arm and a pack of chocolate nuggets in his right hand.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, you jokingly ask, "Is your apology just going to be flowers and chocolate?" though it may have come across as harsher than you intended.

"No, but uh, in case you changed your mind about talking to me when you saw me, I thought this would at least get me through the door," Jamie explained and you slowly nodded your head.

"Well, you were right." You take the things from his hand and let him inside. 

You had already cleaned up the place before he came over and hidden all the messy catalogs and test papers in your room for the time being. Its current condition could honestly pass as one of those display sets in department stores.

You placed the items on your dining table before turning back to Jamie who was awkwardly standing in the middle of the living room.

You didn't want to delay this any further. "So, why'd you want to talk?"

"Right," Jamie started, still unable to look you in the eye. "I wanted to say sorry for not messaging you these past few weeks. I've just been busy and Richmond's been on a losing streak too,—"

"Is that really all you wanted to say?" Your tone was soft, but even you knew you were being blunt. You just couldn't handle the sinking feeling of anxiety in your chest anymore and while you might be rushing him, you just wanted to get this over with.

"No, it's not." Jamie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He moves towards you and starts looking at you intently. "I'm sorry. For everything. You deserved an apology and an explanation a long time ago and I can't go back in time, so I want to do it now."

He pauses for a moment, and when you realize he's waiting for you to say something, you respond, "Go ahead, Jamie."

He nods his head and almost looks like he's psyching himself up before a match. He takes another deep breath before continuing.

"I wanted to start from when I started to get distant. I never told you, but after I started at Man City, dad came back into the picture."

"He did?" Your voice was barely a whisper, and you're unsure if he even heard it because he keeps talking.

"You know how he is, right?" Of course, you did. 

Growing up, you knew the exact times his dad would be coming over. There’d be some beat up car in their driveway and if you looked out your window, Jamie’s window blinds would be down. During the early years, you’d ask your mom to call their house, but after the first time and about a ten-minute call with Georgie, she started telling you they were busy. It was only after that outlying car in their driveway disappeared that Jamie would come knocking at your door, asking to play. He'd have this air of discomfort the first few days, but you were so happy being able to see him again that you’d end up ignoring it.

"Anyway, he was on my arse that whole time. He always had something to say after every match about how I fucked up or, how shit I'd been. Even if I was just sitting on the bench, he still had something to say. It was exhausting," You could tell that Jamie was starting to get angry at the reminder of his father, and without thinking, you reach out to hold his hand. Jamie seems to relax at your touch and when he seems to have composed himself, you let go.

"He would go on about the same things. Don't be soft, it's the fucking Premier League and shit like that. I just, I wanted it to stop. And I thought that toughening up would stop him from him getting under my skin. That meant removing everything that did make me soft, vulnerable. One of those things was you, but I realized now that it was in a good way. As in, I only ever felt comfortable and safe when I was with you." Your eyes widened at his confession and you felt tears threatening to fall.

"But fuck, Dad was really in my head back then. I thought that you were making me weak. And I hated the thought of him calling me that. So I stopped picking up your calls and messages. I just blocked you out.

"But when I started to realize I was becoming a prick, I thought you'd never want to talk to me again. That you'd hate me and it wasn't worth trying to get you to forgive me. Plus, Mum always had great stories about you, so I thought you were better off without me. I guess that's why I was such a prick back in the pub, pretending I didn’t know you. Might as well lean into it if I already lost you." At this point, you were resisting the urge to envelop Jamie in a hug and never let go, but you knew he wanted to finish his piece.

"And I know that it doesn't change the fact that it was a shitty way to treat someone I loved, but it's the best explanation I can give you. I really am sorry." Jamie held your eyes, emphasizing how genuine he was being. Someone I loved, did he really just say that? But he starts again before you can even consider what that meant.

"And, I really am trying to be better. I want to be worthy of staying in your life, if you'll let me. This time, I promise I'll never leave you like that ever again."

You were processing his words and couldn't answer immediately, so Jamie added, "And if you decide that you don't want anything to do with me, then you'll never have to see me again. But I promise to keep trying to be better even then."

You continued to stay silent and Jamie took that as your answer. "Right, so that's all I had to say, so I'll be out of—"

You wrap your arms around him, stopping him mid-sentence. The footballer is slow to reciprocate it, but when he does, you're transported back in time. It feels like you're eight again, and Jamie's football team just won the finals. It feels like you're fifteen again, and you've made up during a midnight run to the grocery after a stupid argument. It feels like you're seventeen again, saying goodbye to the only boy you've ever loved.

"I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you yet, Jamie. To go back to how it was before." You finally answer, and if you're being honest, you don't think you ever could go back. "But I want to be able to," you whisper and you feel him relax even more in your arms. "Just, don't fuck it up and leave again. Because I'd really love to have you in my life again."

"I promise I won't." And this time, you believe him.

A/N: and there you go! the angst is over! (or is it? muahaha) some cameos from liv and ted to help snap jamie out of it :) i had written jamie's apology monologue the same time i wrote reader's angry monologue from chapter three with some slight revisions when i put them in their respective chapters, so hopefully it matches up well stay tuned for the next chapter!!

TAGLIST: @moonflowersandsparkles @faith-alons26 @rexorangecouny @aiyaiy @thegirlthatwantedtowrite @giggling-sewer-ginger @katdahlali @higherthanheroes @guccilongboard @alipap3 @rockchickrebel @ellietartt @shineforever19 @skewedcherries @jamietarttdodo @meg-ro @deepdarkvelvet @taytaylala12 @scaramou @rae4725 @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo (couldn't tag you for some reason?)

[sirfrogsworth]

The Curse of Artistic Vision

I think being an artist comes down to developing an image in your head and then feeling compelled to manifest it. Sometimes you are able to improve upon that image in your head. Or you end up with something different that you like better.

But sometimes, for various reasons, you can't quite make that image a reality. And I don't know if other artists feel this way, but it feels like heartbreak every time. Not quite on the level of an incident of human decoupling, but it definitely sticks with you for a long time.

Sometimes I am limited by the current state of my skillset. I just haven't learned enough and gained enough experience to take a photo like the one in my brain.

And sometimes I am limited by my body, which puts huge restrictions on the amount of energy I can dedicate to crafting a photo.

I feel my knowledge and experience has never been at the level I am currently at. I think I have the *potential* to shoot just about anything I can imagine. Which is a cool feeling. I also feel like my image editing and manipulation skills are at the highest they have ever been. Which means anything I can't do in-camera, I can achieve in Lightroom and Photoshop.

But I just don't have a lot of energy to capture photos right now. And I am very limited by how much physical effort I can dedicate to the photographic process. Which is very frustrating. I'm hoping if I build a new studio in the house that will help a lot.

In the meantime, I have this library of images I took before 2017. Many of them I was not able to achieve my artistic vision.

But... I came close.

Which means on many of these old images I can use my editing skills of today to achieve what I could not back then.

And so I have started a huge re-edit project where I go back and realize my images as I wanted them to be.

I had this idea for an image of someone in the middle of a dark forest in an open field reading a book and the only illumination was a lamp that seemed to be plugged into nothing. It popped into my head and it just seemed like a cool photo to create.

In July of 2016, my friend Ryan was visiting and we decided to try it. We even rented a big fancy 50 megapixel camera for a few days. I had never used a professional level camera and it was my birthday and I wanted that experience.

I even had this cool idea to hide a flash in the lamp so it would look like it was illuminated.

The resulting image was not anything like I had in my head. And for some reason, I edited it super bright, and you can barely even notice the cool lampshade flash trick. If you lower the exposure of the RAW file there is a well-defined circle of light in the grass, but it is hard to see in the 2016 edit.

Where is the dark background? Why didn't I underexpose the background to make it look like night or sunset? I knew how to do that back then. I totally could have crafted the photo in my head at that time.

But then I noticed I only took like 8 photos of this scene. And I *always* overshoot. I took 300 photos of a bridge recently.

Then I remembered what happened. We moved a giant rocking chair, a lamp, and lighting equipment to the middle of my neighbor's yard and by the time I was ready to take the photo, I was about to pass out. I believe it was very hot as well.

And so the above was the best I could do under that circumstance. My body limited my artistic vision. And this has been bothering me for years. Sometimes I will think back on this photo and how cool it looked in my head and I will feel that heartbreak again.

When I look at the RAW file... it is actually much better than my edited image.

Which makes me curious why I made it so damn bright. My best theory is I had a monitor that was slowly dying and I didn't realize how dim it got because our eyes are so good at adjusting, and it's possible all of my images from that era were overly bright because I was overcompensating for a dying display.

That fancy camera (Canon 5DS R) was a dream to work with. And having so many extra megapixels to play with is such a joy. People say you don't need more megapixels these days, but when you are doing high level image manipulation, having as much information as possible makes it a lot easier. Especially when making complex selections.

So, I've got a good start. I have a lot of pixels to play with. I was almost certain I could manifest my vision with modern knowledge and tools.

I'll start with the baseline edit in Lightroom. I'm not going to worry about the sky, as that will need to be swapped for my nighttime aesthetic.

The circle of light was there! It was just hiding in my bright exposure. So that's neat. And when you lower the exposure of the background, the lampshade trick presents itself as well.

At this point I was getting excited because I could see the potential. I just had to find the right sky. This one looks perfect.

Okay, it is time for the big reveal.

Did I finally get this image out of my brain and into reality?

I DID!

I don't know if people will like this or find it artistically interesting, but Ryan and I were both very happy with the new version.

Also, I think Ryan's purple shoes really steal the show.

Though I had one idea that was never in my head originally.

Should I try it?

I still haven't decided on the fireflies yet, but Ryan and Katrina like them.

I can't state how nice it was to work on a 50 megapixel photo from a full frame sensor coming from a 10 year old camera with 4 stops less dynamic range and 24 megapixels.

This is zoomed in to 100%!

And the image doesn't even get soft at 300%.

Sorry, I got caught up in the megapixels.

And there is one detail you'll probably never notice unless I point it out, but I completely rebuilt the lampshade because I overexposed it.

I always say small details add up to big results. Plus I had to use some creative problem solving to figure out how to recreate a lampshade and I always enjoy that part of the process—where you don't know how to do something and then you figure it out. Very satisfying.

In any case, my brain feels better now. I feel like I was able to settle something that has been bothering me for ages. And I am grateful I was able to realize my artistic vision—even if it took 8 years.

Here is the before and after. It's fun to switch back and forth.

On to the next photo. And it may involve a furry little orange friend.

[lilacmingi]

FUZZY SOCKS

My works are 14+ ONLY. If you’re under 14 DO NOT interact with me or any of my works

Pairing: Changbin x fem reader

Word Count: 970

Note: We had some icy weather not long ago and it was making me wish I had my own Binnie to cuddle with. Also I’ve been wanting to write a soft n cuddly imagine for Changbin so here it is! (⁎⁍̴̛ᴗ⁍̴̛⁎)

Layers of snow coated the nearly empty streets outside, more chunky flakes falling from the pale gray sky along with small drops of icy rain. Since yesterday, a mix of freezing rain and snow started up, thus resulting in the fluffy substance blanketing the ground to become hard and icy, turning some of the snow to slush, which led to conditions being so severe people weren't leaving their houses.

The roads were iced over, schools closed, businesses closed, mail stopped running, even the trash pickups were halted.

With it being the middle of winter, the cold weather had ramped up and gotten particularly chilly outside—"chilly" meaning single digit temperatures. That plus the freezing rain, ice, and snow was a safety hazard and a recipe for disaster.

The frigid weather, while a nuisance for some people (and the cause of high power bills), meant you and Changbin got to spend more time together. Even JYP didn't want employees traveling in the icy conditions, so everyone was advised to stay home.

Lucky for you, Changbin had stayed the night a day prior just before the roads could get too bad.

"It's still cold in here." You complained, raising the temperature on the thermostat once again.

It's like you could physically feel the temperature dropping inside your apartment, as it was noticeably colder than it was thirty minutes prior.

The air was cool and had your hands feeling like ice cubes. The thick cabin socks you wore were doing a good job of keeping your normally cold feet nice and toasty. The same couldn't be said for the borrowed hoodie you donned (sorry Changbin). While it was warm, you were still able to feel the steadily dropping temperature in the apartment.

Your heater had been working overtime for the last few days and at this rate, you could only hope it would hold out until the weather had passed.

"Come back to the couch, baby." Changbin called from the living room.

Your boyfriend was right where you left him, curled up on the sofa with a large throw blanket that the both of you had been sharing until you got up to mess with the thermostat.

He pulled the fluffy blanket back and allowed you to crawl back underneath it with him, returning to your cozy, fleece cocoon.

Your gaze was drawn to the empty mugs on the coffee table, the warm hot chocolate that filled them long gone.

"You want more cocoa?" You offered.

"No. I just want to cuddle with you." Changbin murmured, resting his head on your shoulder.

Your body relaxed and sunk into the cushions behind your back while Changbin's hand slid over to your thigh, resting gently on top of it.

"I wish we could order jjigae. A nice, hot stew would really hit the spot right now. Something spicy would be even better." He spoke his thoughts aloud as his hand gently caressed your thigh. "That would really warm me up."

"Yeah. That sounds really nice." You sighed. "But with this weather, I don't think any delivery person is willing to try and brave the elements."

He hummed in agreement. "We can always have instant ramen if we want something warm."

"Speaking of warm, this blanket isn't doing much for me." You admitted, suppressing a shiver.

"Me neither."

"Should we go to the bedroom?" You supplied a suggestion.

Changbin nodded rapidly.

While keeping the blanket wrapped around yourselves, you and Changbin stood up, shuffling down the hall towards your room.

Normally, you wouldn't crawl into bed with socks on, but considering the circumstances, you thought it best to keep them on your feet. With the temperature dropping outside, you needed all the extra layers you could get. You made yourself comfortable under the comforter, resting your head on Changbin's chest which doubled as a pillow. When he wasn't flexing, his impressive pecs were soft and cushiony. You nuzzled your cheek against his chest which made him chuckle softly. His legs started to tangle with yours, his feet brushing against your leg where your fuzzy pants leg had ridden up.

"Your toes are freezing." You complained.

"Sorry." Changbin apologized through a series of soft giggles.

"You need some socks."

"I don't have any clean ones with me."

"I have some you can borrow." You reluctantly crawled out of bed, moving across the room to your dresser. After sifting through your many pairs of socks, you pulled out a pair of fuzzy, pale pink Hello Kitty ones.

Changbin's contagious and endearing giggles filled the room as you handed them over to him. Amusement painted his features as he slipped the socks onto his feet, wiggling his toes a bit.

Changbin may be a tough-looking, buff guy but he was filled with cuteness and enjoyed showing it in various ways. Stays didn't call him babygirl for nothing.

"Cute." You giggled endearingly at your boyfriend, the pink Hello Kitty socks standing out against his all black ensemble. "Do they fit you alright?"

"Mhm. They're warm too."

"Good." You grinned, crawling back under the covers, snuggling closely against Changbin's side.

He smiled softly at you, his brown eyes drifting down to your lips while he licked his own.

"I know one way we can warm up."

"I do too." The faintest hint of a smirk twitched at the corner of your mouth as you closed the gap between your faces.

Your lips locked with his, wrapping around his full bottom one while your hands slid up into his fluffy hair. His eyelids fluttered closed as he pulled you closer, getting lost in the kiss and forgetting about the chilly air inside the apartment.

By the time you both parted ways, your legs were tangled together and the two of you were panting for breath.

"That's one way to warm up."

Masterlist ᝰ — enjoyed this imagine? reblogs & comments are very much appreciated!

DO NOT steal, plagiarize, copy, repost, alter, or translate my works in any way

🏷 @h3arteyes4mingi @weird-bookworm @poppy2007 @parkjennykim @evidive @mxlly143 @lizzymizzy-blogg @minhanbyeol @dinossaurz

[lostloveletters]

Jesus or Gasoline (John Brady x OC)

Summary: Woody isn't sure what she believes in, except for the way John Brady makes her feel.

Note: Here it is, the result of my making a ‘guy who says grace before giving head’ joke about Brady. I wanna give a million thanks to all the Woody/Brady babes out there because y'all's support and enthusiasm for them means the world to me! As usual I listened to a lot of Bruce Springsteen while writing this. Do not interact if you’re under 18, terf or radfem, or post thinspo/ED content.

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: Inevitable historical inaccuracies. This goes into Woody’s not so great childhood/young adulthood and her generally negative internalized thoughts surrounding religion. Sexually explicit content involving oral sex (f. receiving) and coming in pants.

The field behind the hangar was a questionable date spot at best, but Woody figured it was better than nothing. Secluded enough with some lighting as to not be stumbling around in the dark, but without fear of being easily identified if they got caught before they could make a break for it if needed. 

Word of the late night rendezvous had come from Holly, barely able to contain her excitement at being the messenger. “Your beau wanted me to tell you to meet him tonight,” she whispered, giggling as she added, “said you’d know where.”

Woody had given Holly all of the details the night John Brady kissed her, her best friend in ecstatic disbelief that so much had happened while she and Bucky were listening to a baseball game across the way. Holly took girl code as a sacred oath, not mentioning Woody and Brady’s relationship to a soul in the week or so that had passed. John wasn’t exactly pleased when Woody let him know that she told Holly, but he supposed if Woody trusted Holly that much, he could, too.

“There you are, sweetheart,” John said, with a genuine fondness that she almost couldn’t believe was directed toward her. “Have you been waiting long?”

She shook her head, greeting him with a kiss. “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day.”

“I brought you something,” he said, pulling a Hershey bar from his pocket. 

“Don’t waste that on me, are you kidding?”

“Holly told me you give the village kids whatever candy you get, and I know ground crew doesn’t get as much in your rations as we do.” 

Good ol’ Holly. “They appreciate it more than me.”

He looked at her pointedly, though eyes glistened in amusement as he half-scolded, “Don’t reject a gift, sweetheart. It’s bad manners.”

Woody fought back a smile, felt her cheeks heating up . “Thank you, Johnny. You’re real sweet.” Gave him a kiss on the cheek and squeezed his forearm. “Can we at least split it?”

“I won’t say no to that.” 

The grass was damp from the late afternoon rain. She was glad she thought to grab an old blanket, worn out and smelled faintly of fuel, but it’d do. 

He split the bar in two, handing the bigger half to her. She took a bite, surprised to find herself feeling a wistful melancholy for the states at the taste of it. Wasn’t sure she ever felt homesick before, but there was a first time for everything. Like John laying out on the blanket, resting his head in her lap.

“Comfortable?” she asked with a laugh.

“Great view from here.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“You know, I’ve been dying to ask you this ever since I met you,” he began, giving her pause at the seemingly endless possible questions he could hit her with. “Do you really like being called ‘Woody’?”

She nodded, stroking his hair, taking in how relaxed he looked. “Yeah, I really do. It’s been nice to leave ‘Kate’ behind and start fresh.”

“So your first name is just Kate?”

“Shows you how much thought my parents put into it.”

“See, I wanna know more about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“We talk a good deal, but I don’t know much about your life before all of this.”

“I don’t have anything nostalgic or good to tell you, especially not about me. I’m ashamed of who I was before. I’m trying to be better, John. I really am. I don’t—I don’t hang around people who have nothing going for them.”

People like how she used to be. The backstreets burst at the seams with them. Children of neglect, of the Depression, of something wild otherwise running through their veins. They made their homes where they could. Guys who rode around on streaks of lightning, spewing pure gasoline from snarled lips on each of those hilly avenues until they were wrangled in the back of cherry-topped police cars. Girls who should’ve known better drank empty promises out of broken glasses, handed to them by the constantly circling shark-men. Kate learned quickly not to get attached to anyone. They looked out for each other, but they weren’t friends. There was a difference.

“I got an older brother named Tom. Last I heard he was in jail for holding up a liquor store,” she said. “I haven’t seen him since I was eleven, though. That’s when I really started looking after myself.”

“Eleven is pretty young to be on your own,” he said, taking her hand from his hair and holding it in his own, intertwining their fingers.

“What were you doing when you were eleven?”

He shrugged. “Rode bikes around with my friends. Started learning saxophone. I was an altar boy, too.”

“So your family went to mass a lot when you were growing up?”

“Every Sunday that we could. I remember my mom waking us up to go even when we had to walk through a foot of snow to get there because the roads hadn't been cleared yet,” he said, his voice growing softer as he spoke. “Doesn’t seem all that bad, now. Maybe it—it helped some.”

Woody had seen John make the sign of the cross dozens of times. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Remembered the first time she watched him among the other Catholic guys in the 100th, crowded around the chaplain for his makeshift blessing on the tarmac before their missions. Devotion ran exceptionally high then, men suddenly armed with a rainbow of beaded rosaries and holy cards adorned with saints whose weary eyes gazed upward, where those men were soon to be. Their heads bowed in silent contemplation as the priest concluded in Latin, John’s mouth moving along with sed libera nos a malo. But deliver us from evil.

A handsome face like his deserved half a dozen kids with names like Mary and Francis who filed neatly into a pew with their shiny patent shoes and a big family meal to look forward to after mass. Kids who gave the likes of her odd looks when she shuffled into church for whatever lunch the nuns were dishing out that afternoon. Always dressed in her Sunday worst—ill-fitting blouses and holey shoes until she ditched their charity and decided she was better off raising hell in denim jeans. God loved everyone, and his love was unconditional, but no one wanted to say he loved some people more than others, and Kate was pretty low on his list. 

After all, Kate Woodward was born without a middle name on a Wednesday morning that even god himself forgot about. Didn’t know what the weather had been like the first time she breathed in the air of her home city, but she was sure it felt like a kick in the chest. Probably why babies cried when they made their grand escape from the womb. 

Hardly raised in the first place, Kate had little faith in god or man, just in the machines she could bend to her will until they gave her freedom to go wherever she pleased. But her freedom had gnashing teeth and a forked tongue that were never satisfied, no matter how many vices she fed it, and she was nothing short of gluttonous in this endeavor. 

Tried and true, the one she had the hardest time shaking—sticky fingers. If Kate saw something she liked, she took it. From drug store shelves to purses to wallets, nothing was off limits. As time went on, her spoils only got bigger and better, linking up with people who taught her how to steal cars like riding a bike. She had yet to find a replacement for that particular thrill, but her self-control had markedly improved in a little over two years.

Then there were men with hacksaw smiles that threatened to cut her open if she got as close as they wanted her to. Thunderous voices that cracked with rage when she’d shove the smoldering cherry tip of her cigarette into a hand that got too close for comfort. None of them were any good, not like the man with his head in her lap, who brought her chocolate rations and listened intently to her, even as her voice shook with trepidation at bearing so much of her heart.

Woody hummed, her fingers trembling as she traced the features on his face—his expressive brows, the nose that gave him a profile she could hardly tear her eyes from, lips she dreamed about since the night he first kissed her and every time since. Besides the power of a well-maintained engine, she believed in the way she felt about John.

“I was lonely and angry,” she murmured after relaying her patchwork of regrets and fears to him. “I made a lot of mistakes because of that. It’s not an excuse. But I wanna be honest with you so you can still change your mind about me if you want to. I understand if you do.”

“There’s nothing to change my mind about, sweetheart. I want to be with you,” he said, conviction strong in his voice as he sat up.

“I’m not a virgin,” she stressed.

He shook his head. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I would’ve been surprised if you were.”

“Well, I didn’t love any of them—four guys in total, mind you—and it’s not like I got anything out of it, either.” She sighed. “I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.”

Crushes were for girls who lived in nice houses and wrote hearts above their i’s. Desire ran hot, expressed in glances made with hooded lids beneath buzzing neon lights that left a thousand things unsaid. But after that handful of physically underwhelming experiences which ended up being far more trouble than they were worth, she came to the conclusion that she was better suited to get her own rocks off.

“Got what out of it?” he asked.

She chewed on her lip. The only sin out there was getting caught, and Kate Woodward never got caught. Woody chose to confess. “I had to get to the good part myself.”

“That’s unacceptable.” 

Her heart sank. “I haven’t done it in—“

“Those selfish bastards never made you come?” 

“Not one.”

“In that case, I’d be glad to be your first.”

“I want you to be,” she said, leaning back on her hands in the dewey grass, spreading her coverall-clad legs apart. “I wanna do everything with you.”

He placed his hand on her thigh, his fingers playing with the inner hem of her coveralls. “Tell me how you want it, sweetheart.”

“I want your mouth.” Truthfully, she’d never had a guy go down on her before. Heard about it from other girls, wild ones out in the desert. A few others as she got to know the first group of WAAC girls she bunked with after enlisting. Even from Holly, as apparently Stan had been generous and enthusiastic about that aspect of their sex life. Stan, Stan, what a man, the girls would tease about Holly’s fiance before he was dearly departed. 

The corners of John’s lips twitched up as he brought his fingers further along the hem, inching closer to her covered sex. “Never had a girl ask me to do that before.”

“You really don’t mind?”

“Why would I?”

She hesitated, averting her eyes from him. “A lot of guys think it’s gross.”

“I think I should decide for myself, don’t you?” He cupped her chin, caressing her jaw with his thumb. “Look at me, sweetheart. What do you want me to do?”

Upon returning her gaze to his, she found no judgment behind his eyes, but a passionate sincerity.

“I want you to go down on me,” she said.

She studied him as he watched her. His pretty lips parted slightly, drinking her in as more of her body was exposed. It wasn’t a strip tease, nothing sexy about the way she pulled her arms out from the sleeves and yanked her coveralls down to her knees, finally kicking them to her ankles and off entirely. Sat before him in her white t-shirt, plain underwear, and boots, almost boyish if not for her breasts, low on her chest, nipples poking through the fabric. 

“Are you wearing a bra?” He sounded breathless, almost as if he couldn’t believe he was even asking.

“No,” she said, her lips curving into a smile, letting him in on another secret. “I always take it off at the end of the day. Don’t tell anyone.” 

As if the other girls didn’t know, with some degree of judgment along with their understanding that the damn thing got uncomfortable, could chafe with all the work they were doing, the sweat and friction. It wasn’t like anyone could really tell beneath the other layers, anyway. But anyone meant anyone of the male persuasion, and with that, John dutifully shook his head.

His lips were on hers in an instant, a hand on her waist, the other shoved up her shirt, squeezing her breasts. She gasped at the way his rough palm felt against her nipple, and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue in her mouth. Her moans were lost to the world, claimed by him and him alone. He straddled her lap, keeping her in place beneath him. 

John moved his hand from her waist to between her legs, rubbing her already wet pussy through her underwear. Her lips were undoubtedly swollen from the ferocity with which he kissed her. A delicious shiver ran down her spine at the thought of how it’d feel against her cunt. 

He hooked his fingers in the waistband of her panties, and she lifted her hips, allowing him to pull them off of her. Bringing up her knees, she felt a burst of adrenaline rush through her at being so exposed to him.

“You need to tell me how I’m doing, alright? I wanna make sure you feel good,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” she mumbled, almost dizzy with desire as he lowered his face between her legs.

His hot breath on her cunt, lips brushing against her folds. She strained to hear… whispering?

“Johnny?” she asked after a few moments of aching anticipation. “Baby, if you don’t wanna— Jesus Christ,” she choked out. Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and all the rest of them. 

His tongue lapped at her clit, eyes looking up at her for approval. With a shaky nod, she bid him to continue, biting her lip as to stifle the whine that threatened to escape her mouth. A noble attempt, but fruitless when he licked up her pussy with the flat of his tongue, pulling a moan from deep in her chest. Her heart was beating between her legs. 

Woody could make herself feel pretty damn good on her own. She lifted a dirty magazine from a guy in Reno once. Had pictures and everything, though she wasn’t sure how real it all was. She’d look at the pictures, tongue between her lips and hand between her thighs as she imagined herself in those women’s places, feeling the ecstasy written all over their expressive faces with their typically faceless partners. From there, she’d get creative, allowing her mind to conjure up a man who, behind her closed eyes, could bring her to orgasm. Even in her wildest fantasies, she never thought she’d find one who’d actually want to bury his face in her pussy. 

Fuck, if she couldn’t feel John’s fingers digging into her thighs, she would’ve almost thought she was dreaming. She grabbed his hair, pressing his face harder against her cunt. He was giving so much, and she’d take all of it, greedy with the pleasure he offered her.  

He slid two fingers inside her pussy, slowly enough to see how she’d take it before pumping them in and out at a quicker pace. Used his other hand to hold her down when her hips jerked up in his face, like her muscles had a mind of their own, hellbent on reaching an orgasm. Hell, so was she.

“Just like that— fuck,” she rasped, her nails scraping against his scalp.

She nearly wanted to ask if he’d been lying, if he had gone down on a girl before. He at least had enough experience to know where her fucking clit was, but his mouth. Jesus, how could he expect her to go to the officer’s club and watch him play saxophone after this? As if she wouldn’t be sitting there, skin feverish, thighs pressed together, thinking about his mouth and his fingers in that moment. The way his teeth grazed against her clit, making her pussy clench around his fingers. The way it almost felt like he was making out with her cunt. Their eyes would meet, and he’d know, maybe have a little smirk on his face up there, too. An obscene secret privately shared amidst dozens of other people who’d be none the wiser. 

“Don’t stop,” She was so close it almost hurt, wound up tight and pulsing in her gut, waiting to be released. “Please don’t stop.” Hot tears rolled freely down her cheeks. Her chest felt like it was on the verge of bursting open. Between a fistful of grass and a hand buried in his hair, she cried out his name like a vulgar prayer in the night as her orgasm rocked through her.

A universe of stars burst across her abdomen, white-hot supernova tearing through her muscles, blinding her from anything but the pleasure that pulsed from her pussy. She finally came down from it, covered in sweat, chest heaving, a wild-eyed woman as John pushed himself back up on unsteady arms.

She grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer so he was straddling her lap. Took in his mussed up hair and the way his lips glistened with the traces of her still on them. She kissed him, a muffled moan in her throat at the taste of herself on this tongue. 

She wanted him. More of him. Everything he had to give. Wasn’t sure it’d be enough to sate her need, but damn if she couldn’t try.

“Johnny, can’t we just do it?” she pleaded, her voice a girlish whine that sounded otherwise foreign coming from her as she desperately pawed at him.

“Next time,” he whispered. “Next time, sweetheart, I promise.” Grazed his teeth against her hummingbird pulse. “I didn’t bring a condom.” 

“But what about you?” she pressed, reaching for his crotch. “You must be—“

He shook his head, cheeks flushed as he licked his lips. “I got carried away, sweetheart. I, uh—I’m good.” 

She slipped her hand down his pants, feeling the sticky evidence of his orgasm for herself. Her fingertips brushed the sensitive head of his spent cock, sending a shiver down his spine. Was he good, though? He groaned. No wonder Douglass kept so many goddamn rubbers in his footlocker.

“Next time,” he repeated, voice strained and husky in a horrific display of self-control. He nearly regretted it when she pulled her hand away, feeling something sinful stir in his gut as she inspected her hand, finally bringing it to her mouth and licking the residue off her knuckles with a feline-esque curl of her tongue.

“Just say the word, Johnny. Whenever you want me to return the favor, I’ll drop everything for you.”

He swallowed roughly. She meant it.