#so torn idk how to feel
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
today’s race has been so bittersweet :(
#on one hand i’m so happy for lewis#but that should’ve been lando#my 444 heart!!!!!#so torn idk how to feel#nell rambles ᝰ.ᐟ
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
SET SIX - ROUND ONE - MATCH THREE
"Electric Fan (Feel it Motherfuckers): Only Unclaimed Item from the Stephen Earabino Estate" (1997 - John Boskovich) / "Untitled" (Portrait of Ross in L.A.)" (1991 - Félix González-Torres)
ELECTRIC FAN (FEEL IT MOTHERFUCKERS): it makes me literally insane that’s all that’s left of him and he made sure it would stay remembered, something something the last trace of a breath immortalized the only way it could be. Feel it, motherfuckers. (courfeyracs-swordcane) (also submitted by callixton and weeweewhirlwind)
UNTITLED (PORTRAIT OF ROSS IN L.A.): It fucks me up SO MUCH. The artist's partner was named Ross, and died of AIDS in the same year this was created. The ideal weight is roughly the average of an adult man. The allegory there... people taking the candy, decreasing the weight, the same way people took away from Ross and every other victim of the AIDS crisis by refusing to help, to do anything at all. Except this has an "endless supply" of candy. People can take and take and it keeps coming back. They can't get rid of us forever. We will prevail and we will rebuild and I WILL be fucked up about this forever (ceaseless-rambler)
("Electric Fan (Feel It Motherfuckers): Only Unclaimed Item from the Stephen Earabino Estate" is an electric fan encased in plexiglass with vinyl faux etching and a plexiglass base with casters by gay American artist John Boskovich--Stephen Earanbino's partner. It was the last item left in Stephen Earabino's estate after his death by AIDS and measures 56 7/8 x 22 3/4 x 12 1/2 in. (144.5 x 57.8 x 31.8 cm). It is held by The Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles.
"Untitled (Portrait of Ross in LA)" is a modern art installation consisting of wrapped candies (constantly removed and replaced) by gay Cuban-American artist Félix González-Torres after the death of his partner, Ross, by AIDS. The weight is equivalent to a healthy human male - approximately 175 lbs (79kg). It is located at the Art Institute of Chicago, Chicago.)
#art that fucks you up tournament#polls#atfyu polls#id in alt text#did you know wikipedia has an entire page on Art of the AIDS Crisis#i am SO sorry about this matchup. like genuinely. i am torn.#GOD i cannot express how these two make me feel#feel it motherfuckers. feel his breaths. take the candy and know that we are always coming back. that is him and he is here.#idk how to insert this information but john boskovich was not left anything by his lover's family. the refusal of his love by others...#he only got the fan because no one else wanted it. more in the rbs under my main though.#ross in LA has a lot more propaganda but we're going to cycle it. if it doesn't make it past this round we'll post it all.
609 notes
·
View notes
Text
Life on the farm
#gopher art#mortal kombat#subscorp#mk subzero#mk scorpion#kuai liang#hanzo hasashi#mortal kombat legends#been holding onto this one for a bit! finished it more than a month ago lol#i was originally going to save it for subscorp week but then i was like. nah. that wouldnt be entirely fair lol#and besides. ive been wanting to share it for long enough and my resolve has kinda worn down#anyway - snowblind but AU'd! heres my concept of this (which i may use later on for something idk): king kano got his shit wrecked#like way before the events of the movie. by the revenants in fact. i want him torn to shreds. you still have random roving assholes#making trouble across the wastes. but its much less dire. kuai still retires to his farm. kenshi still falls for shang tsung's bullshit#and kuai mentors him. hanzo becomes warlord of netherrealm. BUT. he and kuai keep in contact. its long distance and they make it work#sometimes scorpion vacays to Kuai's farm. as a treat. thats what this drawing is#i cant deny that i literally just want them to be happy ok. thats literally all i want for these gay old ninjas#bonus commentary: at the time of drawing this i was still figuring out how i wanted to draw hanzo. he's so fucking hard to draw#when i draw him without his mask or beard he looks so fucking off. but if i draw him with the beard it feels weird too.#babygirl why are you so hard to draw?? dont you want me to draw you?????
470 notes
·
View notes
Text
being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
Let me know your thoughts/reasoning in the tags!
#VERY torn between words and quality time#Arthur seems so struck whenever Merlin tells him how good he is#but also Arthur wants Merlin around basically 24/7#but also quality time doesn’t just mean any time spent together#it’s specifically time that’s meaningful/intentional#soooo idk#arthur doesn’t care too much about gifts#he grew up rich so he could have anything#definitely not acts of service#as prince he basically expects people to do things for him#which is blatantly pointed out in 2x02#and I do believe Arthur is touch starved#but that doesn’t mean it’s what makes him feel most loved#everyone needs some degree of physical touch and Arthur gets so little#though I do think it makes him feel loved when he allows it#bbc merlin#merlin#merlin bbc#arthur pendragon#Merlin polls#Arthur pendragon poll#arthur meta#my polls
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
In light of Alicole reveal, let me just say that I will absolutely LOSE my mind (in the best possible way) if the reason Daeron was sent to Oldtown is because he has brown hair.
#alicole#alicent hightower#criston cole#alicent x criston#daeron targaryen#daeron the daring#if Daeron has brown hair it's OVER for these bitches (Aegon and Aemond). Daeron will become my fav in a HEARTBEAT#like??? the implications??? the delicious parallels with Rhaenyra and her sons?#Criston despising Harwin and BECOMING Harwin?#Daeron being a child of love but also a child of guilt?#the only child of Alicent born not out of rape and not from the rotting corpse#the implications of Daeron not being Viserys' but Tessarion HATCHING#Targaryen supermacy i am here to ruin your day#also Daeron possible bastard being the most honorable of his brothers is. heh. irony is not lost here#maybe...hear me out maybe true sons born out of empty marriage are...worse#good bastards vs bad truebornd dichotomy my beloved#daemon being torn because if he's accusing Daeron of bastardy he'll have to accept a boy with not a droplet of Targ blood rides a dragon#targaryen supermacy how are we feeling??? not good huh? nice keep feeling that way#idk i just adore the idea of brown-haired Daeron.the most Hightower of them all. (but also make his skin a tone darker)#to be closer to cristons. not too much so it woul be obvious but clearly darker shade than Alicent's#please please it would be so funny#and I'd die for this Daeron then. kill for him.he can do whatever he wants
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
Belle (2023) 🌹
#belle 2023#max gold#iceland#listen i just want to talk abt this for a second#i watched belle recently and yes it is a take on beauty and the beast#and yes it had so much more potential than it delivered BUT#im not mad at it at all?#i enjoyed it and it the scenery? stab my through the heart with that beautiful landscape#also it just feels like a quiet movie if that makes sense?#its got this like subtle quality to it and idk how to explain it#i wanted more and things could have been MORE but im sitting here making a post about it bc i cant find anything else on here about it#its classified as horror and im not 100% torn on that label for it but i get why they did that#anyway if you want a slightly darker/grittier take on the story then maybe give this one a shot?#and really its just so pretty to look at#and there are no fix it type fics to make it the more i want but thats okay i am okay#movies
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
hello, hello, you all — so... i hope you all are having a great thursday thus far, and i thought i'd bring this up now since i hadn't before; but with ana's zombification comes some noticeable differences to his behavior as well as appearance. because, and don't get me wrong, he was already pale before... but now anastasiy's skin now has this pallor that takes on a sickly look. and it has become necessary for ana to have to apply some concealer to his skin daily to hide the fact that his lips are, indeed, sort of tinged blue + some veins (particularly around his eyes and mouth) can clearly be seen and it definitely isn't the most uhh. natural look, to say the least JSJSJ
now, i'll probably cover more about his behavioral differences later, but one thing is that this man does have these SICK and TWISTED urges to consume human flesh as a zombie would in typical fiction would... so that's lovely / j LMAO nahhh, i'm totally being sarcastic with y'all right now as that is actually horrifying. but anastasiy does try his darndest to resist giving into this temptation because cannibalism is a BIG no-no in society for a reason (because its absolutely terrible and extremely gross) + with... slightly mixed results 😬
#NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU THAT BRAVERY FEELS LIKE FEAR: musings.#SEE HOW OUR WANTS HORRIFY US: headcanons.#TO SUFFER. IT MEANS GOD IS NEAR. GRACE — LIKE A SCALPEL WITHOUT ANESTHESIA: character study.#ooc post.#yeah so... i'll have you know that i was THIS close to calling ana 'mister man' but then i was like JSJSJ nah i've got to be a littleee more#serious here even though i am pretty much the queen of being sillay by now BC idk how i would make that work while talking about-#CANNIBALISM so... yeah ☠️ but anyways how are we feeling about ana's character so far y'all? but OFC there's no pressure for anyone-#to answer that i'm just genuinely curious NGL haha. because i think that anastasiy is pretty different from peeps like barton-#and blamore in the way that he is still morally bankrupt for killing people as it's NEVER alright and/or justified to do that#in ana's mind however he was torn between two impossible choices and he didn't know that manja's deal would be as bad as it turned out-#to be. but he still has to take responsibility for the fact that he made it and that his moral compass is definitely entirely skewed now#because saving person in exchange for dooming a bunch of others is... 😬 yeahhh i think we all can agree that it's a selfish choice#at the very least#tw: body horror.#tw: cannibalism.#tw: mentions of murder.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
"I don't think I have anymore hard nos" EXCUSE ME MR. O'BRIEN CAN WE TAKE THAT BACK A SECOND
#silver sending stones#cr 3 e 60#im going to cry#orym of the air ashari#i was talking to a friend about orym and how hes just a good dude. and how he just. was living his life. loving hus husband. protecting his#leader. he was just. happy. and then his whole life was taken from him. his husband his father his sense if safety at home. all gone in a#moment. and he wandered for a bit. and he mourned. he mourned for six years. because how do you go on living when your future was torn from#you?#and then he met these people. all five of them so different from anyone he ever met before. even the impressive people in high places. these#new people they... they have a moment to them. they have a path and a destiny. and maybe thats what orym needed. a direction. a wind to ride#it was only after them that it seemed his own destiny called him. if he could call it that. hed hate to think that his deatiny included his#husband having to die. a start of his distaste for destiny.#idk... orym and i seem to think about that moment where he put a sword to Dorian's chest every day.#i dont think exu orym would recognize modern day orym#and idk how orym feels about that#anyone can justify anything with “i did what had to be done”#i wonder...#okay tags longer than the post again bye
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
well that was….. A Movie
#i have too many thoughts. unfortunately#its kinda hard to see this so long after it came out bc the humor feels soooo mid 2010’s and its debatable how well its aged#all i know is personally i feel like the dc mvoie#*dc movies have done a better job in recent years doing this specific r rated humor focused anti hero stuff#also like i for one love a comedy and love things having a humorous streak#but this is like a really standard grey action#*movie but then it puts all the humor on one character and that doesnt worklike at all lmao#like the really good parts are when hes with the other 2 funny characters (the bartender and the old lady)#they also like didnt do enough at all with lampooning superhero tropes? like at all???#it would have been so easy to have a standard superhero#movie but just lampoon it the whole time and instead they just… had that movie and like idk#fmcndkfndk like???#one of the few saving graces was in universe acknowledging that deadpool is annoying lol#but yeah generally it had a lot of ELEMENTS of good stuff just. not mixed well together#this truly is the granddaddy of reddit movie tho#like its not le epic win bacon bc thats more early 2010.#this is like. those milennial cookbooks that are hiphopified by just adding swear words. for some reason#torn bc i feel like i should judge ppl for this being so popular but im like not surprised that it would have mass appeal#on the surface i get the appeal of ‘a superhero BUT HE CURSES OOOOH’ and just generally taking things less seriously#it just sucks that the entire rest of the movie takes itself perfectly seriously#but not enough to have weird little annoying plot holes#also cant rly judge the guy who said he loved these movies hes a nerdy 38 yr old mild mannered white man. this was made for him.#this is elder milennial dadsk Wells For Boys
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Looking suspiciously vampiric tonight girl
#I’m torn because idk how that would work since Cody technically runs the school#and I feel like it’s too good for her you know#she has these lofty dreams of being a gothic queen so it’d be funnier that she like#got spooky contacts and sharpened her teeth#paranatural#pnat#pnat spoilers#dee speaks
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
The thoughts nobody asked for on the much discussed 7x10 Tevan/Bucktommy/Bummy/whatever you wish to call them dinner date:
From a character perspective it's...fine. i really struggle to come up with an alternative word for it, because I struggle to have strong feelings at all about it. We've known since last season (at the latest, arguably sooner) that Buck has a kinky side. Now we know Tommy has one too. And they flirted about it. Neither of them were really acting out of character, and the scene was perfectly tolerable. But...that's sort of the problem.
From a writing standpoint, this scene is...kind of an abysmal failure. Or at least I presume it is, but it depends on what the writers wanted to accomplish with the scene.
If the goal was to solidify the Bucktommy relationship, bring more people on board, end the season strong, etc, then it failed. Miserably. Because in an episode full of story-essential moments, emotional beats, drama, and so forth, there's just this date scene doing...nothing. It doesn't push Buck or Tommy forward as characters, it does nothing meaningful to develop their relationship beyond the surface layer we've known it's had since their first episode together, and its only tie to the episode's main plot is a transition into a joke. They set Tommy up to finally develop his character, give some backstory, have him comiserate with Buck, build their rapport...and then we skip right to 'teehee, daddy issues.' It feels like the middle of the scene is missing.
Like...stay with me here, and don't jump away just because I'm bringing up Buddie, but the 3x9 kitchen scene is a prime example of what it seemed like the 7x10 date scene was going for. We start with a connection to the episode's plot, framed semi-light heartedly ("So she shoots him, and then takes him back?"), we transition into them having a serious, meaningful conversation, with Buck apologizing for his absence during the lawsuit arc and them discussing Eddie's boxing crisis, and then the scene ends on a lighthearted note with the infamous "wanna go for the title?"
So the issue with the 7x10 date is that the middle section, the emotions, the bulk of the conversation, just isn't there. It's like making a sandwich but ending up with just the pieces of bread. Yeah, you can still eat it, but it's not really the same thing, is it? It's lacking the SUBSTANCE.
And this ties into a larger problem with Tommy...he just never gets ANYTHING to do or say beyond surface level comments or observations. I hear the defense repeatedly that "it's a short season" "give them time to flesh him out more" "they didn't have space to include all the development, but they've got good seeds!", but this date scene is the very blatant counterpoint. This was a PRIME chance to do something with him, in an already story heavy episode, a season finale no less, and to tie his discussion of his trauma in with Buck's and have them bond over painful memories, give them a dynamic about HOW they approach those discussions, ANYTHING. But instead we skip past the development and end on a passable joke. This is a short, condensed season, yes. It's why I accepted them cutting most of the bachelor party because it was just fun and the episode needed to focus on development and story. But this date has no more story or character weight than the party did. They giftwrapped an oppurtunity for themselves, and then squandered it.
Which brings me to the question...do the writers even want me to root for Buck and Tommy's relationship? Because if so they are doing a TERRIBLE job of it. Tommy barely appears, and when he does they do nothing with him. They feel as though they are actively avoiding giving Bucktommy a dynamic or developing anything about why Tommy in particular is a good fit for Buck. Saying "he's good for you," doesn't cut it. Having them kiss twice, doesn't cut it. All of it leads me to wonder if they're just setting the couple up to break up cordially next season, Buck having learned more about himself, and Tommy...having a boyfriend for a few months I guess.
The daddy issues joke has caused a stir that overshadowed the real issue with the scene: Tommy still doesn't have a character, or a motive, or a dynamic with Buck, or anything. And it's starting to feel like he never will. And it's a bit frightening that I can't tell if it's intentional or not.
#911 abc#911 spoilers#idk what to tag this#because I'm not anti bucktommy#but I'm not really pro bucktommy either#it feels wrong to have ANY strong feelings on the ship because it has no substance yet#and the short season doesn't cut it as an excuse frankly#evan buckley#tommy kinard#if they're trying to establish a serious competitor with Buddie they have a metric ton of work to do next season#because the work this season on doing so was like laying down two bricks and calling it a day when your end goal is a house#I didn't even get into all my issues with this scene's writing and structure because I felt like the post was getting too long already#but suffice to say it really FELT like a Kristen scene. and that for obvious reasons is not a compliment#and I didn't even go into how it's reminding me of Seblos#it's amazing how the emptier a scene is the more it feels like it needs to be torn apart to understand how tf it ended up that way...
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Update!!!
#posting on a Saturday when no one reads yet againnn#also I'm so torn in between wanting to rush and feeling like theyre not coming out As Good#which i hateeeee#so idk man idk#i promised faster updates but might end up going the opposite way 😔#i just keep reading sooo many good things and metas and ideas that i itch to include#but WHERE and HOW#aaahhhh#my writing#a new take on faith#the bear#the bear fx#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto#carmy x sydney#ALSO this got like 10k hits which feels kind of insane#and it makes me want to do better (in a good way) but alas time and etc
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
fuck u -tears off their sleeves-
#well kokichis at least. shuichi gets a trim and a roll up#and some gloves cuz why not#and an undone collar bc why does he have it all the way buttoned up. king how do u BREATHE#now i aint saying they wouldve looked better. but im saying they wouldve looked better good HEAVENS#sorry. that was the medieval peasant in me jumping out#i see a bare ankle i go absolutely hogwild#shuichi saihara#kokichi ouma#kokichi oma#saiouma#oumasai#breeze art#yet another hairstyle to add to my 'i cant fucking draw shuichis hair consistently' collection#ok it was partially a test but like why do i fw it tho. idk im really vibing w it#oh shit kokichis school symbol is on his sleeve isnt it. well thats not my problem#ok so i mandela effected myself w kokichis shirt bc apparently the only tear is down the line where the weird clasp things are?? wtf????#ive been drawing the entire bottom torn up this whole time.. . . i feel LIED TO#ight well im still gonna draw it like that. idk the torn up style is a Look tbh
66 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#so about the job opportunity#this person is talking about me going and meeting their boss and training me and how it has to be soon#and i’m over here freaking out bc for one it sounds like a lot of responsibility and two idk if i actually wanna change jobs#i’m so fucking torn and i hate that it feels like it’s a now or never decision
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
pretty sure i just got a spider bite while trying to fall asleep 🧍
#i thought it was just a stray hair on my elbow under the blanket and kept trying to shake it off#and then i finally went to brush it off w my hand and felt a bump there#and then it was unbearably itchy so i turned the lamp on to apply some anti-itch stuff bc it was driving me nuts#and i was trying to see where it was on my elbow bc wtf when did i get bit#and then i looked at it and it was very pale like a fresh bite and then there was some skin torn like a spider bite#i cant tell if theres two little holes or not and honestly idk if spiders always leave two fang marks fjdkdl#but it doesnt look like a mosquito bite unless i tore the skin myself from scratching at it#but the way it is looking... very similar to past spider bites#anyways i just removed everything from my bed and methodically searched Everything. looked all around the bed too. cannot find a spider#so. shrug. <- actually very afraid#but the thing that makes me Really think it's a spider is that the bump was super pale and now after a little while it is regular skintone#so that makes me think it was a brand new fresh bite the way it was a different colour and now its normal looking#which is uhhh scary! to have had a spider possibly in my bed!#and I can't find it so i simply do not Know and that is going to make it so hard to sleep tonight fjfkdl#man i barely ate today too so im just... really not doing well at this very moment fjfkdl#i cant eat anything rn though bc i already brushed my teeth and i dont want to do that again tonight fjfkdl#but i am. so hungry. augh. idk what I'd even eat anyways im too anxious to stomach anything#WHERE IS THIS SPIDER. WHY DID IT CHOOSE MY BED TO BE IN 😭#im in bed so often ... it should avoid places where ppl are ....#i feel like such shit rn fjdkdl i just rly wish i didnt have to deal w all these bugs#in the past month I've had a couple spiders and Several(!) weevils and a centipede and a clicker beetle and a couple earwigs#im just so tired of bugs i rly am fjfkdl idk why they choose to come inside and idk HOW they're getting inside#i hate living in a basement!!#i just want to sleep so i dont have to deal w being awake for a while fjdkls but now im all freaked out#i want to curl into a little ball and blink out of existence I'll be so honest rn. im just. idk.#✨ I don't think I have a place in society ✨ i am not a good enough person to exist in the world ✨#i dont want to go to sleep bc what if the spider comes back fjfkdl i wish i would've found it so i could've trapped it#and then let it outside tomorrow! i wouldnt have even killed it. the universe should've given me that one bc im so niceys#unfortunately the universe doesnt play nice w me fjfksl#spider tw
5 notes
·
View notes