#so this was a nice opportunity :D

[shefellofftheworld]

Please lose the last shreds of your self control and yell about bd-1's arc and its place thematically in fallen order

Ahh I was not expecting anyone to want the rant but SINCE YOU ASKED

So I absolutely love JFO and everything about it, because at its core it’s a story about hope and healing when everything has fallen to pieces. I can’t get enough of that. I’m going to do my best to keep this post to a reasonable length, but I am going to be honest: brevity is not my strong suit when it comes to stuff I like. You have been warned. 

Here’s the thing about BD-1: he didn’t need an arc. They didn’t need to thread him through the thematic and emotional heart of this game as much as they did!! That’s part of why his arc took me so much by surprise. He basically has a stealth arc, and it works so well because he’s already serving the game really well before I even got an inkling of it. So first I’m gonna go through BD-1 as I experienced him in my first playthrough, and then look at the ways that JFO retroactively adds a TON of meaning to his interactions with Cal. 

Long post and many spoilers for Jedi: Fallen Order under the cut:

Bogano: First Impressions

BD-1 is a cute lil droid companion, and frankly Respawn could have stopped there and I would have been entirely on board. I mean, look at him.

He’s adorable. 

Respawn didn’t stop there though! BD also serves to make several game mechanics diegetic in a really cool way. He provides the map, he does the healing, and he analyses stuff for the codex. Again: Respawn did not need to go as hard as they did. Cute Droid That Serves Gameplay Purpose would have been more than enough to sell me on BD-1. But! They not only used BD-1 to make those mechanics fit inside the narrative of the game, they used the gameplay mechanics to inform BD’s character!!!!

Excuse me while I take a moment to be incredibly excited about good game design. 

So we first meet BD-1 on Bogano, just after the prologue/tutorial level for the game. We met Cal on Bracca, got introduced to our initial exploration and fighting mechanics, and played through JFO’s inciting incident. Cere and Greez drop Cal off on Bogano and give him two goals: meet someone important, and find the key to rebuilding the Jedi order. 

We’re now introduced to the Meditation mechanic (Star Wars Brand Bonfires). It’s yet another example of how Respawn took a mechanic specific to the genre of game they were making and then turned it into a core part of the narrative. 

I love this game so much.

It’s already been established that Cal’s trauma is hindering his ability to connect to the force—whenever he tries, he relives his memories of Order 66. After we finish the Meditation Tutorial, we exit to a cutscene that reinforces that character beat:

And introduces someone new. 

I know I talked a lot about Cal here, but that’s because BD-1’s characterisation is intrinsically linked to his interactions with Cal—he’s a Companion Character. It’s important that we first meet BD here. The first time we meet BD, Cal is in pain and BD-1 wants to help. 

(I love him) 

Throughout the game, we understand BD’s dialogue through other character’s responses—mostly Cal’s. In this scene, BD introduces himself and then asks Cal if he’s OK. Awww. Cal says he’s looking for someone, and BD-1 perks up and responds. “No, not you,” says Cal immediately. He’s looking for a Jedi! We’ve definitely never seen this play out before. BD-1 is not discouraged. He knows about a Jedi! He is Very Excited to lead Cal where he needs to go. 

We learn a lot about BD from this scene! First: he’s adorable. I know I’ve said that a lot, but it bears repeating. 

look at him

In terms of characterisation, we learn that BD-1 is helpful, important to Cal’s quest somehow, and apparently full of love and enthusiasm. He wants to know if Cal is ok!!! And he wants to help!!! BD stands both for Buddy Droid and for Best Droid. This scene has done its job well: the story has progressed, and presumably there remains not a single member of the audience who hasn’t instantly fallen in love with the Loveable Droid Character. This is good, because he’s going to be with us for the rest of the game. 

Now we get to mechanics. First, we’re introduced to the map. Cal sees the Vault in the distance, and says that whoever he’s looking for must be waiting there. BD-1 stops frolicking to show Cal his map of the area, and the game takes a moment to do a tutorial. BD has helpfully put an objective marker over the vault! Thanks, lil guy. The holomap also highlights unexplored areas—more standard game fare, but because the map is diegetic, it’s also technically information about BD-1. He wants to help us explore! 

The next thing we learn about BD-1 is that apparently he, uh. Likes to improvise. “Any ideas?” asks Cal. “We’ve got to get across this gap somehow.” BD-1 proposes that he serves as a tool to help Cal zipline across gaps. Both of them seem to have fun ziplining. 

“How’d you know that would work?” 

“Bee bo-boop!” 

“Wait, you didn’t?” 

Don’t sound so concerned, Cal. Nobody fell into any bottomless chasms. You don’t have any room to talk, anyway. I saw you on Bracca. 

We run around a little more, and then the unthinkable happens. BD-1 rushes to the defense of a lil critter that’s about to get eaten by a predator, and gets his leg chomped for his troubles. He does a heartbreaking little limp away from danger while Cal practices his lightsaber skills 

poor baby

Words cannot do this scene justice so I'll just give you a video:

This scene reinforces how adorable BD-1 is (very adorable, in case anybody wasn’t sure) and continues to set up his friendship with Cal. It also serves to set up an in-game way for the devs to control access to certain areas of the map—BD’s busted scomp link is going to stop us from opening a few doors until we’ve hit a few more story beats. 

This scene is also one of the most important in BD-1’s arc, but that doesn’t become apparent until later. 

Shortly after this, Cal happens to receive some injuries that nobody could have possibly forseen or prevented by not swinging lightsabers at live wires. We get one of the most adorable cutscenes in the game:

And then BD-1 presents Cal with the Star Wars Brand Estus Flask and joins Cal as a permanent companion.

(he's so cute)

Cal asks BD-1 how he got to Bogano, and BD-1 says he doesn’t remember. Weird for a droid to be forgetful, but oh well. To the Vault!

Ok but first we need to get some cosmetic loot, because the real goal of Jedi: Fallen Order is to collect ponchos.

BD-1 goes rifling through chests for us, because the devs at Respawn saw an opportunity for adorable character moments and grabbed it with both hands. Over the course of the game, BD-1 continues to fling himself at the nearest poncho receptacle. Cal in response takes a journey from confused through resigned and lands on indulgent. I love this game so much. 

Ok, now to the Vault!

Wait wait wait BD-1 has found something cool and he really really wants to show it to you. 

Now for real to the Vault.

There’s some more story stuff that happens before we get there, but that’s the bulk of our initial introduction to BD-1. We make a friend and learn a bunch of new mechanics, which themselves teach us about our friend. BD-1 is a friendly little droid who wants to help and likes to explore and learn things. He’s a bit of an adrenaline junkie and gets excited when there’s something to scan. He doesn’t like it when Cal gets hurt, and for some reason wants to go to the same Plot Location that Cal does.

He’s probably not the person Cere wants us to meet, though. That’s a Jedi! A great warrior. For sure. 

(I think I’m funny)

At the vault, we learn that BD-1 is, in fact, the person Cere wants us to meet. In fairness to Cal, though, there is also technically a Jedi. Technically. 

BD-1 contains encrypted messages from Jedi Master Eno Cordova, who has hidden the holocron we’re looking for. In order to find it, he wants us to follow in his footsteps. Thus follows one of my favourite scenes for Cal, but this post is already going to be too long so I’ll spare anyone who’s made it this far that particular ramble. Cal and BD-1 officially team up, find some more clues, access a couple of Master Cordova’s video diaries, and head back to the ship. 

I will now proceed to exercise incredible restraint and move on to the next section rather than giving you a play-by-play of BD-1’s every move for the rest of the game. I would say 'you’re welcome', but you’re missing out on BD-1, so. 

The Burgeoning Friendship

I want to emphasise how constantly present BD-1 is in JFO’s story. Not only is he literally present on Cal’s back for the vast majority of the game, but he’s also constantly interacting with both Cal and the player. 

For one, there’s all those mechanics I mentioned earlier. Every time we look at the map, heal damage, or find something new, JFO is drawing our attention to BD-1. Granted, some actions are less obvious than others—we don’t pause in the middle of any given battle to show a long ‘BD-1 gives Cal a healing stim’ animation, and rightfully so—but when we’re just running around the map, BD-1 manages to feel like a character in his own right. He gets excited when Cal finds more healing stims (or literally any box for him to jump into), he runs around to show us things, he’s got his own adorable little idle fidget animations, the whole shebang. Mechanically he pretty much ends up functioning as a secondary player character. 

Teamwork!

There’s also a bunch of incidental dialogue between Cal and BD as we run around. Cal likes to comment on what’s going on—be it a new force echo, a distant objective, or even just his thoughts and feelings about whatever is happening at the time. It’s a good way to keep an audience in touch with a character, but it can feel a bit weird to have a character start talking to the air about whatever it is the devs/writers want the player to know right now. Enter BD-1! Now Cal is talking to the cute robot buddy, which is incredibly relatable. 

I, too, would tell this little guy all of my deepest darkest secrets. 

BD-1’s trustworthy face aside, it’s also a good design choice! Now not only do we have a way to naturally insert whatever information Cal needs to deliver at any given time, we can turn that information into character beats for both parties. Cal and BD respond to each other, and so both of them feel more like independent characters who are present in and reacting to their circumstances. It helps keep us immersed in the narrative even when we’ve temporarily left the narrative behind to attempt the same jumping puzzle 15 times in our endless quest for ponchos.

My compulsion to give Cal as many ponchos as his little heart desires aside, Cal and BD’s conversations are really effective at keeping the player involved in what Cal is feeling. Some of my favourite moments are when BD-1 checks in with Cal while they explore the crashed Venator (ow), or when the two of them find Cordova’s old workshop. There’s definitely more, but I’ll be honest I have neither the time nor the energy to play or watch through the entire game to find it. If you’re reading this, though: you absolutely should. It’s such a good game. 

Where was I? 

Right! Narrative! 

I’ve spoken about gameplay, but we really see BD-1’s narrative presence in cutscenes. He’s constantly involved in every story beat, even if sometimes he gets a little distracted. 

He's very worried about your salt intake, Greez

BD-1 cares about our quest and about our characters. He has fun hijacking an AT-AT, and intervenes to help Cal when a fight is getting a bit dicey 

To outline the full extent of BD-1’s involvement in the narrative would be to outline the whole narrative, and I swear I am trying to keep this post to a somewhat readable length, so I won’t do that. But I want to highlight these moments. They’re moments that get us attached to our characters, and moments that build the story. They draw us in to the relationship between Cal and BD-1, and also in a sense build a relationship between BD-1 and the player. I know that when I play JFO, I’ll often talk to BD-1 myself. If he hops off of Cal’s shoulder to look at something, I get excited too. NG+ removing all of the chests may make completing every corner of the game more convenient, but sometimes I’ll start again from scratch just to let BD have his fun. One of the benefits of games as a narrative medium is how involved the player is in the story—even at its most linear, the player is still an active participant. Another benefit to a game like JFO is the length. More is not always better, but in this case Respawn uses the player’s time well. No matter what we’re doing, we’re interacting with the world and the characters—and time spent interacting is time spent building a connection. 

All this is to say that by the time we take our little detour via bounty hunter coliseum, I am right there with Cal panicking about our little friend 

Those monsters

Dathomir and Ilum: The Payoff

This section is going to be hard for me to write coherently, mainly because whenever I think about this part of the game my brain stops forming words and instead descends into incoherent screeching interspersed with playbacks of various moments. I have to take a minute before I even go to Dathomir because I know what’s coming. I love this game so much and this sequence wrecks me every time. 

I’ll do my best though! 

Cal and BD have been through a lot together by this point. They’ve joined a rebellion, fought Inquisitors and delved into ancient ruins. They’ve been hunted by the Empire and by bounty hunters. We’ve done all that with them, too. As we go to Dathomir, Cal is wrestling with a lot of things. He’s back to the level he was at before the Purge, but he’s still hurting and traumatised. 

I could talk at length about Dathomir, but this is a post about BD-1 and I am ostensibly trying to keep this somewhat concise. 

(laughs in over 2500 words so far)

It is on Dathomir that things come to a head. Cal has a flashback of the events of the Purge, then faces a vision of his dead Master Tapal. When he comes to, his lightsaber—the one passed on to him by Jaro Tapal as he died—is broken. He is forced to flee Dathomir, and returns to Cere and Greez on the Mantis. 

It’s a heartbreaking sequence. The player is right there with him throughout—we are high-fiving the trooper who teases Cal. We are navigating the vents of the Venator as clone troopers hunt us down. We are watching Jaro Tapal die defending Cal, and then we are fighting a vision who verbalises what Cal has been feeling this whole time—he has failed. His master died because he was weak and slow and useless. He can’t save the Jedi Order. He isn’t fit to wield his Master’s saber, and he isn’t fit to be a Jedi. 

BD-1 is not there for any of it. 

BD-1 has been with us for practically the entire game. In every cutscene I can remember, he’s been involved. He’s been running around doing his thing, or peeking over Cal’s shoulder. In this sequence, he is not present. He’s not there in the flashback, and he’s not there when we fight Jaro Tapal. He is present when the vision ends—but not really. He’s positioned so that we can barely see him behind Cal’s head. 

Cal goes through all this alone. 

(I will note that having now watched the scene a few times with special focus on BD-1, it does look as if he’s watching the rest of the room? Which gives me the impression that he’s tried to get through to Cal, realised he’s not responsive, and decided to watch his back while he deals with his Trauma-Based Force Stuff. Which. Ow. That’s so cute but he must have been so worried.)

It’s not until after Cal starts to leave that we check back in with BD-1. He sounds wrecked. And BD-1 can’t help. 

The saddest wooo

We now proceed through a conversation with Cere and also, incidentally, several tissues. 

Ow.

But! There’s hope! New goal: Get Cal a new kyber crystal to replace the broken one, then everything will be fixed and we’ll be ok. 

:(

After some more troubles, because poor Cal can’t catch a break, we finally get to the crystal. Cal seems upsettingly close to freezing to death, but we’ve made it! 

And then the crystal breaks. 

Cal gives up. 

Like, it’s-open-for-interpretation-but-I’m-pretty-sure-he’s-just-decided-to-lie-there-until-he-dies gives up. 

not pictured: my distressed yelling

And then: Eno Cordova speaks, and BD-1 enters the frame. “Failure is not the end, my friend.” It’s Cordova’s words, but BD-1 is playing the recording. BD-1 is encouraging Cal. Cal doesn’t really believe him. 

So BD-1 shows Cal Master Eno Cordova’s final recording:

Look, I am trying my best to be something resembling coherent here but. SCREAMS. 

S C R E A M S

I could talk at length about how much I love this whole scene but I have been basically just recounting for a while now so I will be brief. 

This scene completely reframes BD-1 as a character. He was already more than just a cute mechanics delivery system, but in this scene we learn that he chose to have his memories erased, and also that he chooses to believe in Cal. His faith in Cal gives Cal faith in himself, so he gets up and keeps fighting. 

Now please excuse me while I cry a little more. 

The First Meeting Again: What Makes Us Who We Are

One thing I really want to highlight from the above scene is that line from Eno Cordova: 

“Only with a trusted connection will your memories be restored.” 

I know it’s already pretty thoroughly emphasised by the game itself, but I didn’t quite understand its full impact on Cal’s journey and the themes of JFO until I replayed the game. 

Remember that scene way back on Bogano where BD-1 injured his leg and Cal fixed it? 

When I first played, I found it a little odd that BD-1 scanned Cal here. Why not earlier? Why now? I also thought it was a bit of a clunky story moment—Cal has already indicated that he’s going to the vault. Why are they repeating that goal here?

Because Cal fixed his leg. 

BD-1 was hurting, and Cal helped, and so the first memory was unlocked—a drive to get to the vault and show him the way forward. 

It’s a sweet little moment, and it’s cool to understand it better on a replay, but I think it’s also a moment that’s core to the themes of the game. On Dathomir, Cal’s fears are revealed: he is no Jedi. On Ilum, he gives up. 

And then BD-1 says: you were a Jedi all along. 

It’s been a repeated refrain throughout JFO: we are who we are because we choose to keep going. Jaro Tapal tells Cal that failing and getting up is the only way to succeed. Cere says “it’s the choice to keep fighting that makes us who we are.” Cordova says “Hope will always survive in those who continue to fight.” 

Cal has been doubting himself ever since his Master died. He’s been hiding, cut off from the force and from his people. But over and over we see him choosing to help. He helps Prauf on Bracca, knowing it could cost him his life. He helps BD-1 on Bogano, just because he can. He helps Saw Gererra’s fighters and the Wookies on Kashyyk, because they need it. He struggles and he messes up, but over and over he chooses to help. To quote another piece of Star Wars media: His compassion leaves a trail. BD-1 shines a light on that trail. 

Respawn did not have to go as hard as they did with BD-1. He’s a cute little droid who delivers some mechanics in a cool diegetic way. They could have stopped there. Instead, they use BD-1 to enrich the story and the characters, and to drive home one of the the major themes of the game: how we work out who we are when everything has fallen apart. 

In the end, our gang won’t rebuild the Jedi Order. In that sense, they’ve failed. But each and every one of them is fighting. They’re holding on to hope, and sharing it with one another. It’s what makes them who they are. And by being who they are—in Cal’s case, choosing to be a Jedi, they have won a victory, even if they fail. 

Man I love this game.

[juney-blues]

i think gamers dismissed the notion of keeping score in non-arcadey titles too easily i think. some games are a lot funner if you try to play them with score in mind

[tereferka]

Worry is like a rocking chair, it keeps you occupied, but it gets you nowhere

I am very happy to present to you all my fanart I made for @vashwoodbigbang event! Made in collaboration with @snowpoet123 - author of the absolutely amazing bittersweet fanfiction that you will be able to read on her AO3 account! And here is a direct link to her work❤

Thank you @snowpoet123 for everything, it was fun to illustrate your work 🧡

[sysig]

Coming in to play! (Patreon)

[blackjackkent]

Fic request, BG3: Karlach/fem Tav, where Tav has died. After the reserection scroll is used, Karlach goes to pieces. Hurt/comfort.

Eyyyy, ty for the prompt! Sorry this took me a little while to turn around. :D Was fun to write, though; I do love me some Karlach romance and some hurt/comfort. <3 I hope you like!

-----

“You hear that?” Tav asks. The half-elf’s eyes narrow, glinting in the pale light of the moonlantern that is all that protects them from the cursed shadows. “Hold on a sec.”

Karlach halts obediently with the others and listens intently. Her head tips slowly to one side like a dog pricking up its ears, and her eyes drift half-closed in focus. But there's nothing. 

The shadow-cursed lands are, in fact, eerily quiet. The place is not only devoid of civilization but life - there's no sound of birdsong, no creatures creeping through underbrush, no leaves or plants of any kind. There's not even a stirring of breeze to knock together the dried branches of the long-dead trees. 

Karlach hates it. It reminds her too fucking much of the desolation of the Hells, dead and dry and full of dangers. Not nearly as hot as Avernus, she'll say that much for it, and dark as the inside of her boot. But still a little too close for comfort. 

“Don't hear anything, Soldier,” she says in a low voice. Astarion and Shadowheart both shake their heads as well. Then Karlach grins, an automatic reaction to the brief moment of tension. “Must've been my heart pounding, eh?” 

Astarion rolls his eyes. “Ugh. Gods,” he murmurs tauntingly. “Is that what passes for smooth in Zariel's army?”

Tav grins. “Shut up, Astarion,” she says, giving him a casual punch in the shoulder. 

“I'm just saying,” Astarion quips, “if we're going to have to watch the two of you give each other cow eyes every day of the week, you're going to have to come up with some better material.”

Karlach sticks her tongue out at him. “No one asked you, Fangs,” she shoots back. But she's laughing. It's really hard not to laugh these days, in spite of all the terrible shit happening to them. Astarion can mock all he wants - but she's in love, real love, for the first time in ten years. The first time maybe ever, truth told, because she can't remember any quick fuck back in the Gate that ever made her feel like Tav does. 

Tav is… gentle. Kind. When she touches Karlach it feels like the whole world is opening up to her, a feeling of hope like everything is gonna be okay. So yeah, Astarion can laugh all he wants, if it makes him feel better. Karlach really couldn't give less of a shit. 

She's happy. 

Too happy, as it turns out, because she's so lost in thinking these thoughts and watching the way Tav's smile looks in the lanternlight that she doesn't notice the first arrow coming in. 

-----

Tav’s scream is like a knife. Blood spatters across the dark ground as the arrow punctures her shoulder. 

A lithe, pale figure darts out of the shadows with a high-pitched giggle and throws something around Tav’s neck. Then in an instant she’s gone, vanished with the creature into thin air.

“Tav!” Karlach starts to shout - but it's choked off as another garrote bites sharply under her jaw and she's yanked backwards into the dark. 

It’s a horrific battle, one of the worst they’ve faced since the nautiloid. The meazels - little shits, every one of them - are quick and cunning, separating the party out into the searing darkness, silencing spells, bleeding them dry. Karlach doesn’t need spells, though, and her usual battle-rage is bolstered by a stunning degree of pain and an entirely unexpected violent panic. 

She wrenches her axe from the corpse of the meazel that grabbed her and tears off through the dark. Unheeding of both the blood pouring from her neck and the necrotic energy chewing into her skin, uncaring of what other enemies might hear her, she bellows at the top of her lungs. “Tav! TAV!”

“She’s here!” That’s Shadowheart, her voice weak. “Karlach, over here!”

Karlach almost trips, so quickly does she change direction towards the cleric’s call. Like a rothe maddened with fear, she leaves the path and crashes directly through the desiccated underbrush, dead plants shattering apart around her with every step.

Tav is dead when she gets there. 

Shadowheart is crouched over her, a useless healing spell in the process of drifting off her fingers. Astarion, blood dripping from his lips, crawls from the darkness opposite her. But Karlach’s eyes are locked on the form of Tav’s body in the dim light from her torch, the eyes blank and staring, the garrote wound flowing freely.

“Oh, no,” she whispers. “No, no, no, no--”

“It’s all right.” Shadowheart’s voice feels oddly far away. “I have a scroll, I’ll revive her-- Karlach, for gods’ sake, breathe!”

She is breathing - too fast, too shallow. The cut at her own throat throbs with each pulse of her heart. She drops the axe with a clang onto the ground and she falls on her knees at Tav’s side, grabbing the smaller woman’s hand and holding it between both of hers. “No, darling, no…” she mumbles. “Gods, don’t-- don’t look at me like that…”

How many dead people has she seen in her life? Could fill a library writing all their names down… But none of them have been her… those blank eyes are so wrong in her face which is always so full of life and humor and warmth… nothing like Karlach’s inferno heat but warmth and safety and home…

“Bring her back…” she rasps out desperately. “Please…”

The magic of the revivify scroll swirls around them as Shadowheart murmurs the words. There’s an achingly long pause during which Karlach finds herself reviewing every single moment of their brief time together and passing through every stage of grief in order; she’s just about reached “depression” when Tav’s eyes flicker open.

“K-Karlach?” she whispers, and then her body spasms around a sudden fit of coughing as she gasps for breath. 

“Oh, gods.” Karlach’s whole body sags with a relief as overwhelming as the grief was. Without thinking, she reaches out and pulls Tav up and into her arms, tight against the heat of her chest. “Oh, fuck… Soldier… Tav… shit…”

The words tumble out, one after the other, and she’s startled to realize that each of them is a sob, raggedly dragging out of her throat between hiccuped, jerky breaths. She’s alive. It’s not over. It’s not over. Oh, thank the gods…

“Hey. Ow. Hey…” Tav mumbles. It’s muffled from how Karlach has her pulled close; her face is sort of squished into Karlach’s shoulder. “It’s all right. Darling, it’s all right, but I can’t breathe.”

“Oh. Right.” She forces herself to loosen her embrace enough for Tav to draw her head back. “You-- sorry. Fuck. You scared me. I thought… I thought…” She can’t say it out loud. The words don’t come out.

“You’re hurt.” Tav gently touches the garotte wound in Karlach’s neck, wiping at the blood there.

“You died!” Karlach says with a sudden, hysterical laugh, flinching backwards. “Don’t worry about me! Just… you just sit there and… and breathe, or whatever, and… oh gods…” The tears blind her.

“Karlach…” Tav sits up in her lap. She’s unsteady, of course, because revivification is a brutal process at the best of times, but her eyes are clear. That hideous blankness is gone from them and they’re full again with the light that drew Karlach to her first. “Shhh.” She cups Karlach’s face gently with both hands and kisses her. “It’s all right… I promise. I’m here. All limbs attached, everything accounted for. And heart very much beating.”

Karlach gives her a watery smile, tries and fails to quiet her choked breathing into something manageable. “I just-- I saw you there… like that… and I suddenly realized… how much shit has gone wrong in my life… how it all changes so fast… but you’ve been good… you’ve been so fucking good, Tav…”

“I’m here. I’m here…” Tav presses her forehead to Karlach’s and draws a slow, shaky breath. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I promise…”

Slowly Karlach begins to settle again, feeling the gentle brush of Tav’s breath on her lips. It’s not over. “You’d better not,” she mumbles.

She realizes suddenly that they’re alone. Shadowheart has taken one of the torches and bodily dragged Astarion off some distance away, leaving them more or less in private. Karlach’s grateful for that; she’s not sure she could handle Astarion’s acerbic wit right at this moment.

“Fuck,” she whispers after a short pause, a little more calmly now. “Sorry, I--”

“Hey. Don’t you ever apologize for anything,” Tav says softly. “Least of all for loving me. You don’t get to say sorry for that.” She kisses Karlach again gently. “You ready to get Shadowheart to clean up that cut?”

“I… yeah. Yeah.” But it takes her a moment to loosen her arms and let Tav out of her embrace. “I do love you,” she says quietly. “So much. And I just got scared as shit about it.”

Tav smiles. “Best kind of scared I know,” she says. 

[iraprince]

I adore all your art with cookie and was interested in Sapphicworld- but I’m curious (so plz don’t take this as a negative-) what exactly in your opinion sets it apart from other Queer PBTA hacks like Thirsty Sword Lesbians?

I’d just really like to hear your thoughts about it as a system and world especially given you are a indie developer yourself?

hi!! thank you!!

so, a few caveats before i start off — one, i actually haven't played many other pbta games (like for example i know Of thirsty sword lesbians + own a copy that i've poked around in but im not very familiar w it), so i honestly can't provide much in the way of comparing/contrasting it w other pbta stuff in the same vein, and my impressions of sapphicworld are pretty much just contained to the game as its own thing, not so much sapphicworld as a Type Of Game

and two, while i am a dev myself, i'm a huge novice! like, i'm proud of the stuff i put out and i love doing it, but i personally feel like my lack of experience is such that like, i don't think my opinions in this case are particularly informed by my own work as a dev or anything. all this to say im happy to answer this question, i think i just gotta tackle it from a different frame than what ur specifically asking!

BUT ANYWAY. i can still talk abt why im so excited abt sapphicworld in a way that has kind of outstripped other stuff in general, and for me it's about the world 100%. like i honestly spend close to no time thinking abt the fact that sw is even pbta to be honest. not that the mechanics + gameplay aren't important, bc they are thoughtfully crafted and well done and fun, and i'm saying that from the perspective of someone who playtested earlier versions that have now been reworked! it's just like, not what comes to mind first for me — what's exciting and fresh and irreplaceable abt the game in my mind is like. it is fully committed to immersing you in an extremely lush, strange, richly fleshed out world, one with a long history and folklore/mythology and a TON of really fun npcs who all have different subcultures and its own calendar with seasonal holidays and regional terrain with specific fleshed out dungeons/towns/etc to discover and even like, specific FOODS typical to each different region and and and and —

and maybe at first that seems kind of overwhelming, and tbh it is. when i first got into it and i was going thru the playtest document (which if im remembering right was like. ~300 pages shorter at the time than the current playtest doc) i DO remember anxiously thinking to myself "god this is a LOT and idk if i'll be able to retain enough of this to rp convincingly" etc etc. but like... it's just really compelling, and it does an incredible job of mixing humor and gravity and horniness in a perfect ratio that always comes across as intensely earnest and makes it equally easy to have a fun goofy time or a really emotional time, which i think is REALLY hard to do.

and while normally it's hard for me to get thru something that dense and long all i can really say is that i just straight up like it enough and was charmed by it enough to pick away at it until i grasped it and felt like i understood a bunch about the world, which also has a curve to it bc in structure and tone its very different from any of your... idk more Standard fantasy or sci fi worldbuilding, so it's not like u can immediately slot in ur expectations from other settings and just learn some new vocab words, it's a world that from my perspective also Functions differently than a lot of other fictional settings in a way that's a little hard to describe succinctly. (none of this is succinct to begin with but ykwim). it makes me want to gm my own campaign, really really bad, when usually i have always been absolutely Terrified of the idea of gming! idk man. it has a Flavor. it's full of Vapors. u get transported somewhere else reading it and playing it in a way i haven't experienced in a while and a lot of times after a playtest session i felt like my brain stayed behind in sapphicworld for a pretty long time.

i feel like i am sounding a little melodramatic and incoherent but like. genuinely sapphicworld is just a fictional world that i am really bone-deep charmed by and interested in and when i WAS reading thru the rulebook for those first days it did not take me long at all to find myself constantly thinking "i want to play in this world, i want to play in this world, i can't wait to play in this world," and i just think that's really special. and like — just as your curiosity abt comparing sw to tsl was not intended as a diss or a negative, what im abt to say is similarly neutral — im a person who sometimes finds it a little difficult to click with or feel excited abt a lot of the Queer Indie Stuff that i see get popular with other people, bc it just doesn't connect w my specific lesbian + trans experience; not that it feels inauthentic but that im like, oh, idk, i think these guys are just. not My Zone, ykwim. on the flip side so much of the humor and heart and transness and sex in sapphicworld is something that really resonates w me and just Clicks in a way that i have also found really special.

rounding myself off before i ramble for like five more paragraphs but just as one more morsel of something i like abt sapphicworld that is a little more concrete than me spinning around the room yelling "I JUST LIKE IT OKAY": one of the most fun parts of character creation is getting to mix and match your kind (sort of like ancestry/species, the form ur physical body takes) with a subculture. so u get things like a werewolf babe (cookie! babe being a subculture that focuses on being Like, Totally Hot), or a centaur knight, or a minotaur debaucher, or a vampire cowboy, or an organist (cthulu-y tentacle guy) scenester, or a skeleton wizard, etc etc etc etc — there are SO MANY to pick from that when i was trying to bait my friends into playing w me i couldn't find a convenient way to list them all so ppl could start thinking abt their characters. and every possible combination basically is interesting and amusing and fun and practically THROWS a great oc into your lap and i literally think i could amuse myself endlessly just Making Characters in sapphicworld and never actually playing w them.

[panting, disheveled] so tldr. i like it. uh. what sets sapphicworld apart from other ttrpgs to me is that i have fallen balls to the wall in love with the very soul of it to the point where i don't even really think about it in comparison to other games at all and it has just become an Experience to me and i suppose i cannot guarantee anyone else will fall into insane homosexual hysteria in the same way but here we are. HOPE THAT HELPS

(ALSO PSSST. idk if this is just perfect timing or if ur curiosity was specifically prompted by this but the @sapphicworldttrpg patreon DID just launch and if any of this has been intriguing u should check it out. okay mwah bye)

[chompmon]

In the taku/rei routes towa was So down to give up his whole unhealthy whore lifestyle just to be with them he goes yea bro #monogamy i m all yours frfr like. Dude goes on about how he s not interested in romance and how sex only feels good if its as painful as possible but deep down he Does crave this, even if he s terrified and or confused at first (continues to scream internally about that one moment in taku s 2nd h scene)

[misty-the-mysterious]

OH BTW I voted yesterday!!! So I think this means I got a good grade in American, which is both normal to want and possible to achieve!!

[svtskneecaps]

thank you for bearing with my purgatory posting and i'm also glad to see i'm not the only one who still has this fungus eating away at my brain matter. seeing other purgatory posting in the tag makes me feel better lmfao.

i'm not done btw, posting will (probably) continue as i revisit vods. wanted to extend a thanks in the interim, since i know how contentious the event was in the moment. i kinda thought the general consensus was most people hated thinking about it, but there's been a weird amount of engagement and yknow other people talking. makes me happy to know i'm not alone here!

[steampunk-raven]

holy fucking shit :D

[liinos]

saw a reel of some kids at an orchestra camp that looked suspiciously like the one i was forced to go to one year... worst experience of my life!!!

[david-watts]

dr who leaving britbox outside of the uk meaning it’s likely the only legal way to access it via streaming will be d*sney this is hell

[sysig]

Having fun, more and more! (Patreon)

[kimmkitsuragi]

little devil in my head is whispering me to play civ 6......... mustn't think

[solarmorrigan]

Steve knows how to take care of himself. He's good at it. He's been doing it for years

Illnesses, sports injuries (other injuries) - he knows how to manage them so they'll go away as quickly as possible. He knows when he needs to rest, he knows when he needs to take medication, he knows how to care for pulled muscles and broken skin. Maybe he doesn't always have the opportunity to care for these things properly, but he knows how, because with no one else around, he'd had to learn

Eventually, he gets it down to a routine. A science, almost. An airtight series of steps for whatever is wrong with him so he can knock out whatever crud is keeping him down and move on with his life

There isn't really room for anyone else in it

"You want me to do that?" Eddie asks, watching as Steve stirs a pot of soup on the stove.

"'m good," Steve answers with an absent sniffle.

Eddie hums. "Well, do you need me to go out and get anything? More tissues, cough medicine, more soup...?"

Steve shakes his head, though he stops when it brings on a wave of dizziness. He braces himself against the counter, waving Eddie off when he steps forward to try to support Steve. It's really just a little cold, but the congestion is killing him.

"I've got everything I need," Steve finally says; he always makes sure the medicine cabinet is stocked for this sort of thing, replenishes anything in there as soon as he uses it up, just in case. "Thanks, though."

Eddie is quiet for a long moment. "So you, uh... don't need me for anything, then?"

"Nah, it's fine. Just gonna eat my soup and get some rest," Steve assures him. "You should go enjoy your day."

"Right," Eddie says, sounding weirdly flat. "I'll just. Go do that. I guess."

He disappears into the spare room (ostensibly a guest room, but it's also become a space for all of Eddie's D&D and music stuff, and Steve has jokingly taken to referring to it as Eddie's office), and Steve finishes heating his soup with a little puzzlement. Something is up with Eddie, but Steve is too worn out to figure out what.

He eats his soup and goes back to bed, but it isn't until he's been lying there, exhausted but restless, for almost an hour that it occurs to him what's wrong. He plays back over the conversation in the kitchen and feels a little stupid for not catching on sooner.

He can hear Eddie strumming absently at his acoustic when he goes to knock on the door of the spare room. The sound stops and Eddie opens the door, looking almost surprised to see Steve.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Hey. I, uh - I'm trying to rest, but I just... can't, for some reason." Steve shrugs. "I think maybe I need some company?"

"Yeah?" Eddie asks again, his voice warming a little.

"Yeah. I mean, if you're not busy, or--"

"Free as a bird, baby," Eddie says quickly, reaching out to take Steve by the hand. "Let's get you back to bed."

Eddie takes to his task with gusto, making sure Steve has all the pillows and blankets that he needs, dimming the lights, even offering to read a book. And it's - it's nice, Steve realizes.

It's nice, having Eddie there, giving Steve the one thing he's never really had before.

It's nice to have support.

[retroaria]

Hello! I'm not sure if you write for Karasu from Blue lock but if do you can I request first time hcs for him? If you don't write for him, Sae works too :D

✶ first time!

itoshi sae + karasu tabito x fem!reader

a/n: i definitely wanna do these for all the other guys after my event ends!

˗ˏˋ written for aria’s 1.5k follower event! ˎˊ˗

➜ itoshi sae

when you and sae first started dating he was quick to try and initiate sex, feeling a bit confused if you were to tell him you wanted to wait.

once you are ready to have sex with him he plays it off like it’s no big deal but he secretly is fighting back his own excitement.

it shows in his eagerness to have you undressed beneath him. he takes your clothes off like a savage and immediately aims to mark you up, kissing and nibbling at your skin as his hands graze your body up and down squeezing and gripping at certain areas. sae is the kind of guy who gets off on the feeling of soft clean skin, so he takes his time appreciating your entire body.

normally he’d be more rough, but for your first time he decides to be a bit more gentle with everything. instead of eating you out like a madman he laps at your clit with a leisurely pace and curls his fingers into you slow but still striking.

he’d fuck you in standard missionary so he can moan softly in your ear and have you moaning in his. also likes to nibble at your neck and jaw.

his pace is at a comfy medium. he just doesn’t have it in him to make his thrusts slow and steady, but he enjoys slowing down a bit if only for the ability to make each thrust hit hard against your sweet spot to ensure your nails keep digging into his shoulders and biceps the entire time (his favorite fucking thing omg).

pull out > condom, unless you ask him to wear one which he would be fine with but he prefers not to. keeps his cock snug between your walls for as long as he possibly can. when sae’s close to orgasm he fully nuzzles his face in your neck and wraps his arms underneath you to pull you impossibly closer. he isn’t a loud moaner but his soft low groans are like audible porn.

sae’s aftercare doesn’t feel like he put in a lot of effort but it’s still good bc he basically just has you do all the stuff he would want to do himself after sex. shower, water, snuggle up.

➜ karasu tabito

he’d be so patient if you wanted to wait for the relationship to get more serious! he’s a player for sure but when he’s locked in he’s locked in.

he would want to make it a romantic and intimate experience for you, but he wouldn’t go all out. he’d take you on a beautiful date before hand and he’d run a nice bath for you after, sweet but not too sweet.

loves foreplay omg don’t get me started.

i headcanon him as a beast in the sheets but on the low he loves slow sensual sex. wants to kiss and lick your entire body, have his face smothered between your legs for as long as possible, rubs his cock between your folds so long he almost cums right then and there before stopping himself. loves the way you whimper for him as his tip glides back and forth against your sensitive clit.

he’s got a cheeky smirk on his face the entire time, even while his eyes flutter shut as he slides his cock between your warm wet walls for the first time.

this might be an odd opportunity but i feel like for your first few times with him he’d really amp up the dirty talk and probably drop it later into the relationship unless you happen to really like it lol. he’d drop himself down so he can speak directly in your ear, telling you how good you’re taking him and how incredible you feel wrapped around his cock between his low groans and thrusts.

look at me trying out new themes!! :D

mdni divider creds: @adornedwithlight so cute :3