#so the mike and ike oneshot is taking a while

[to-be-a-dreamer]

I was working on a fic and decided that Jack constantly complains about Race being a snarky pain in the everywhere but... I mean... Race didn't learn it from no one...

Completely unrelated note: here's a little dialogue excerpt between a fourteen-year-old Jack Kelly and a seventeen-year-old OC named Sling. The context is that Jack brought home a couple of strays. Again.

“Kelly-”

“Okay, I can explain.”

“I give you one job-”

“And I did it!”

“I toldja to take Jojo sellin’ with ya-”

“Well wouldja look at that? There’s Jojo over there, looking fine and dandy!”

“I toldja to make sure he didn't die-”

“Yeah, and I made sure three kids didn’t die, so I actually did my job ten times over.”

“I know I ain’t never been to school before, but I’m pretty sure that ain’t how math works.”

“Oh well, guess we’ll never know then.”

“...”

“...”

“Jack.”

“Sling.”

“Youse paying for their lodging until they can start sellin’, you know that right?”

"Yeah yeah, I know the drill."

"I hate this drill."

"I know ya do, that's why I love running it so much."

[immortalcoelacanth]

HLVRAI Oneshot: Sweet as... Ketchup?

*puts head in hands*

My muse... why do you make me want to write new oneshots when I have so much to work on? Please bear with me as I try to go with the flow and continue this spree of writing XD

Word count: 750

Summary: Benrey isn’t the best at compliments, especially when they involve food, but he always tries his best and Gordon definitely appreciates it.

Some could say that flirting is an art form. A collection of words or a decisive phrase created to induce positive feelings in someone. The outcome could involve flustering the person the flirting was intended for, or bolstering their confidence in a time of strife and sorrow. Flirting was something that was learned and practiced over time, a skill that developed.

As such, when Benrey first learned about flirting and the responses he got from Gordon, he wanted to do it more. To see Gordon so flustered and blushing, yet happy at the same time, it made him happy.

He wanted to see Gordon be happy, so he learned.

Google was a powerful ally during this time, Benrey looking up words and phrases that he could use to further fluster his partner and get more amusing reactions out of him. One of the most common results that he got from his searches were the strange uses of comparing people to food when complimenting them.

Calling someone as sweet as sugar was but one, common example he found among the tsunami of compliments. It was mind boggling, and weirdly kinky.

Why, why would you ever flirt with someone by relating them to food?! Benrey knew that humans were weird, and could be very dirty at times, but this was a whole new level of weird to him.

But, he wanted to make Gordon happy, so he decided to participate in this weird human activity. Of course, just taking any old compliment from the internet was not good enough, he needed something with that Benrey charm, so he had to put his own spin on it.

Flirting by comparing Gordon to food, it sounded easy enough.

Of course, properly executing his flirting attempts-

“hey, hey feetman. you’re the salmon of my eyeballs.”

“... What?”

Was much easier said than done.

You see, while Benrey understood words and knew how to use them, he was not the most knowledgeable in the social contexts of those words. Comprehending social contexts and situations was something he struggled the most with while trying to fit in with human society.

… Not that he tried all that hard in the first place. It was mainly for Gordon’s sake, but this also meant that when he was confronted with something he found extremely confusing, such as sweet referring to someone being nice rather than a flavour they had, he decided it was not worth the effort.

Mainly due to the fact that he had more important things to memorize, like what Gordon’s favourite songs were so he could hum them at night, or how to cook pancakes for Joshua. His brain could only process so much information before he was reduced to a disassociating lump on the sofa, so Benrey had learned to prioritize.

The humans he lived with were important, and the weird flirting was not.

Even if he continued to use it.

“gaydon, you’re a pineapple.” Benrey smoothly said as he leaned against the doorframe and watched Gordon brew his first coffee of the day. Upon hearing the “flirt”, Gordon snorted in amusement and looked over at his partner.

“A pineapple? Where’d that one come from?”

“uhhh... dunno.” Benrey awkwardly shrugged. “it’s like-like how you’re my fish from the sea, cause… uh, you taste like salt?”

A bark of laughter escaped the other man as he hid his face in his hands. “Benrey, no, that’s not how any of that works-”

“you scared to be my salty fish? huh?”

“No! You just-”

“you hate pescetarians or somethin’? that it? feetman scared of some little fishy wishy?”

“How do you know what a pescetarian is?!”

“google, duh.” Benrey smirked while wagging his eyebrows. “and you’re plumpy peach-”

It was at that point that the physicist broke down completely, laughing loudly despite his attempts to stop himself. He snorted, and giggled, and wheezed all while his partner watched on, pleased with the response he had gotten.

A happy Gordon was just as good, if not better, than a flustered Gordon, after all.

“You’re… a disaster.” He said once he got his laughter under control, the smile on his face making it clear that he was not insulting Benrey.

“nah, i’m your disaster.” Benrey corrected as he pushed himself off the doorframe, strode over to the other man, and gave him a quick kiss. The duo were now blushing with the occasional bit of pink sweet voice wafting up from between them.

“Yeah, you are.”

“... the mike to your ike-”

“No.”

                                         xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Short but sweet, like ketchup! I have a mighty need to get back into writing wholesome oneshots but my muse says maybe.

I hope you all enjoyed reading!

- ImmortalCoelacanth