#so tempted to make an art Twitter page

[veggiemist]

Don’t know if I’ll be executed for posting the full versions so the cropped ones will have to do

Wahoo!!

[seangelfish]

Matching keychains

Ramuda Amemura x Reader

Genre/s: Angst (no comfort)

Word count: 2,788

Plot/Summary: This feeling has always been lingering in the back of his mind, but he knew that this can't last forever. Despite loving you for so long, he finally decides to let you go.

A/N: I recommend you listen to the instrumental of Buster Bros' Re:start whilst reading this as I was listening to it whilst writing this and honestly, it made the angst 10x worse! I might continue this fic because I actually really like it, and I love Ramuda so why not?

[I love Hypmic so much and I've always wanted to write fics surrounding the franchise, but I'm still pretty new to it, so please bare with me on how I portray these characters. I'm trying my hardest to make these accurate to the character as possible. Thank you for understanding and I hope you enjoy reading!]

There was something important that you needed to get done today and it involved you visiting the most popular toy shop in Shibuya. This city was known for its shopping let alone its vast entertainment, fashion, and restaurants, so this task was bound to be easy for you!

You stepped inside the building in awe at the wide range of plushies. They ranged from big to small, from animals to people to even little accessories for them as well! You were already tempted to get something for yourself, but that wasn't the reason why you were here.

You wondered around the shop trying to find a specific item in stock. It was extremely crowded, so you ended up bumping into a lot of other customers.

Hmm, where could it be? you thought to yourself, already overwhelmed. It should be here...!

Thankfully, a shop assistant caught your eye and helped you find the item that you were looking for. Once you were shown the selection of plushie keychains, your worries disappeared just like that. You thanked the worker profusely.

You giggled to yourself as you picked up the two matching bunny keychains. One was pink whilst the other one was white. Both bunnies were wearing bows of the other's colour. It was so cute!

"Ramuda would love this!" you chirped.

Yes, the sole reason you came to this particular area was to buy a little gift for your boyfriend, Ramuda. You saw the two plushies advertised on your Twitter feed and instantly thought of him. You thought it would be so cute to have matching keychains with the love of your life!

You exited the store happily with the plushies you just bought. You can't wait to surprise Ramuda with them, and it was a perfect day to do so because he had asked you to meet up with him this evening.

"I wonder what he has planned for us tonight~" you wondered excitedly.

In his shop, Ramuda was anxiously scribbling in his sketchbook, thinking of ideas on what new clothes to design but to no avail because all he could think about was you.

The page he was currently working on was now filled with messy, indescribable pencil scratches. Whatever he was doodling wasn't pretty and he knew of it. He just wanted to rip everything out, destroy everything until these feelings of his were no more.

"Are you okay?" asked Gentarou, looking at Ramuda's sketches from behind his shoulder.

And as on cue, Ramuda immediately slammed his sketchbook shut and answered cheerfully, "I'm A-OK! I'm just having art block at the moment! Nothing too serious. I'll try again later~!"

Gentarou didn't believe a second of it, but shrugged it off.

"Just so you know," Gentarou began. "You can always tell–"

Ramuda cut him off. "I'm alright," he said slowly.

He jumped up from his seat to give his usual little twirl.

"Well, I'm off to see (Y/N) now~!" he exclaimed. "She's waiting for me, so I have to be there quick! I'll be back, so you don't need to close the shop. See you later~!"

Gentarou watched his friend skip out of the shop hurriedly. Once he was gone, Dice entered.

"I just saw Ramuda run out," he stated. "He wasn't looking too good. Is he okay?"

Gentarou merely shook his head.

You idled around the park, taking in the cool breeze and the amber sunset above. It truly was a beautiful evening and you couldn't wait to spend it with Ramuda.

A thought popped into your head. You should take a picture of the plushies you bought today with the sunset in the background!

You placed the two bunnies down on one of the park's benches, positioning them together as if they were holding hands. You giggled to yourself at how embarrassing this was, but it was such a cute idea! You were thankful that the park was empty at this time.

You quickly snapped a picture and to your satisfaction, it was the most beautiful picture of a sunset you have ever taken. You couldn't wait to post this on your Instagram page with your lover tagged!

"(Y/N)!"

You could hear faint footsteps running towards you. Shoving the plushies back into your bag before Ramuda could see them, you turned around to greet your boyfriend with the brightest smile on your face.

His pace slowed down as he stopped a few metres away from you. Seeing you smile at him like that made his heart ache. He would usually match your expression, but this time, he returned your smile with a look of such emptiness that it just wasn’t hard to miss.

Your smile faded away quickly.

"Ramuda... are you okay...?"

The distance between you two was unbearable, but you knew that you weren’t permitted to cross the invisible barrier Ramuda was holding up. So, you stayed stuck to your spot, and he did too.

“(Y/N),” he repeated, but with sadness to his tone. “Remember when you asked me where my parents were… or what my childhood was like?”

You didn’t know where he was going with this.

He continued, “…or which high school I attended? Who I was before I became a fashion designer? Before The Dirty Dawg? …But I didn’t answer any of it?”

You stared at him. He wasn't the Ramuda you were used to seeing everyday. His demeanour was completely different, but it wasn't too much of a surprise to you. Sometimes, you'd catch glimpses of this other personality, but you doubt he'd ever catch you noticing it.

“…I had none of what you had, none of what the average person has had in their lives. You could even say that I did not even have a life before any of this. You may not believe me, (Y/N), but what I’m going to tell you from this point on is the truth. Unfortunately, I can’t give you too many details as it’s not in my right.”

He watched your expression, the confusion and worry on your face. You wanted to ask him why he was bringing this up now, but you continued to stay in your spot, awaiting his explanation.

As he stated before, he didn’t bring up too many details. Though, he confessed that the personality he presented to others including you was all made up – a lie. He mentioned that he wasn’t the ‘real Ramuda’ and that he could never be the real one. He told you that he merely exists for someone else, not himself, and if he were to disobey them, he would be killed. He described himself as ‘defective’ as if he was a product. He revealed why he was a massive sweet tooth as the lollipops helped him to continue living.

“And that’s why… we should break up,” he said finally. “I’m just going to cause you trouble if I continue to be with you.”

You were speechless. It was so much to take in. He had finally told you about his background, but now he was suggesting that you two should break up. You didn’t know what to say, but all you wanted to do in that moment was to touch him.

“So please–” he began.

You pulled him in, letting his chin rest on your shoulder as your other hand held his head gently. It was getting hard to breathe as tears streamed down your face. Ramuda was frozen, his eyes showing nothing but perplexity.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that all on your own," you whispered. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t too attentive or if I wasn’t there for you.”

Ramuda chuckled with some sort of annoyance.

“It’s not your fault, (Y/N). You were always there for me; I just never made those feelings known. But we need to end things now. You can never truly be happy with me for who I am and what I will have to deal with in the future. Things will get too complicated and not only will it hurt you but me as well.”

Even when he was saying all of that, his arms couldn’t help but hug you back. He couldn’t stop himself from shedding a few tears. Why did you believe him so easily? Why did you trust him so much? Why do you still care about him even after confessing that his whole character was fake?

And as if you were reading his mind, you replied, “I don’t want to end things with you. I don’t care about who you were, I just care about who you are right now… even… even if it’s a lie. I don’t care. I know how kind and passionate you are. We can easily overcome these obstacles, can we not?"

Ramuda was silent, pulling away from your embrace. He shook his head and looked at you sadly.

“(Y/N), I’m going to let you go, and so should you. This is my final decision.”

"Ramuda!"

He smirked. “I’m not going to lie though, I really do love you, and it sucks because I’m going to keep loving you.”

"Then–"

He shook his head, interrupting you. “But we can’t keep doing this. I can’t risk you getting involved and I can’t keep you from being in a better relationship. You can’t be happy with me. So, go find yourself a better man; someone that will always make you feel safe and happy… like Ichiro or something.”

Before you started dating Ramuda, you were close friends with Ichiro. This was during The Dirty Dawg days where the leaders of each division were grouped together. Your friendship with Ichiro was genuine and he was so lovely towards you. You would always laugh with him and shared each other’s stories. People often caught you together by the lake watching the sunset.

Ramuda always felt guilty that he robbed you off a beautiful relationship with Ichiro. But despite knowing your mutual feelings, he still shoved his way through the bubble you and Ichiro had together. He did all he can to pop that little bubble of yours, he’d butt into your conversations whenever he got the chance. He didn’t care whether you liked Ichiro or if Ichiro liked you back, he just wanted you to be his. He liked you too after all! And eventually, with all his attempts of breaking you two up, he succeeded.

“What?! Why are you saying that?!” you cried. "Why would you tell me to go find another lover when all I want is you?! My feelings for Ichiro are in the past now! I don't want him, I just want YOU. Why is this so difficult to understand that I don't care about who you are?!"

“(Y/N), stop!” he shouted. “I’m not going to change my mind!”

He was crying. He was crying as much as you now.

“If I didn’t get in between you two, you would’ve been in a happier relationship. You wouldn’t need to worry about me or the troubles I will cause. You wouldn’t need to worry about where he is or what he’s doing unlike me! He’s genuine and he’s real. He’s probably everything you’ve been looking for in me!” he said as he choked on his words. “I’m sorry for doing that to you two. I should’ve ignored you back then so you wouldn’t need to hear me say all this stuff now.”

The tears in your eyes wouldn't stop flowing, but you were also getting fed up with him. You just wanted to reason with him. You didn’t want to end things like this, not now and not ever.

“I said I don’t care!” you yelled. “Ramuda, I just want to be with you! I will only ever love you!”

Ramuda was stunned at your words, but he laughed even with the tears gushing down his face. He cupped your face with both of his hands and kissed you softly – his last kiss to you.

“Ah, (Y/N), I’m really going to miss you,” he croaked. “I… I really am going to m-miss you…”

"Ramuda, please..."

"It's time for you to forget me, okay?"

How did such a beautiful day turn into something so sad? You just wanted to give him your matching keychains…

He whipped out some sort of device – a hypnosis mic? – and sang something. There was no time to react as everything became a blur. You tried calling out his name once again, but the last image you had of him was of him smiling at you with the glassiest eyes you have ever seen.

A few months from now...

There would be times you would feel some sense of melancholy in the air. That feeling would happen whenever you'd enter a particular shop or area, but you never knew why you felt that way.

Ramuda lived his life as usual. Before he took you home, he erased everything of his existence from your phone, computer, and physical photo albums – anything he could get his hands on. It pained him that he had to do this, but he wanted you to start anew. He hoped that you were still able to fall in love with Ichiro again even if it will hurt him.

"And done!" said Ramuda, finishing off his sketches. "It's perfect. The ladies would love this collection~!"

"Oh, you’re finally done?” Dice said as he munched on his lunch Gentarou paid for. “That was fast.”

Ramuda giggled. He was proud of himself for completing such a task. He couldn't wait to see how the final product will turn out.

"Oh, by the way," he started. "We're going to participate in the Division Rap Battle next week, so be ready~!"

You were convinced by your co-workers to watch the DRB with them after work, so you decided to clean your photo storage. You liked taking pictures whenever you’d attend concerts after all!

As you were going through all your photos, you stumbled upon a photo you didn’t remember taking. It was a photo of two bunny plushies sitting on a bench in front of a beautiful amber sunset; a pink and white bunny who looked like they were holding hands.

"I didn't know I had plushies like that..." you said slowly.

You got up and looked around your room for those plushies. As a result, you made a huge mess, but you were just happy you found one of them. It was the pink bunny with a white bow. However, you couldn’t find the white bunny anywhere, and you searched everywhere for it.

"Weird," you commented, looking at the pink bunny. "When did I buy this again?"

It was fluffy and soft, and the feeling of melancholy washed over you once again. You still didn’t understand why you keep getting that feeling. You shrugged it off like you always did.

Attaching the pink bunny keychain to your bag, you left the house to meet up with your co-workers to get to the stadium.

The stadium was packed. The girls around you were squealing over a particular figure, Ramuda Amemura, who was currently rapping against Matenro.

You haven’t seen Ramuda in a while despite living in the same city. You were good friends with him when The Dirty Dawg was still around, but after they disbanded, you two never kept in touch. He slowly became distant with you which kind of annoyed you because you had heard from the others how he still kept in touch with Ichiro and Samatoki.

You would see him a lot on social media though. He was super popular with the girls, and he had the best fashion sense that was to your taste. You even purchased some of his pieces online.

He was now active in Fling Posse and his raps were as brilliant as they were before. He seemed more energetic too.

You watched him from the seats attentively as the girls around you cheered him on. But you were extremely confused because as Fling Posse lost against Matenro and was ushered to leave the stage, you spotted it – the white bunny keychain, the same one in the picture that matched your pink bunny keychain you currently had hung on your bag. Ramuda had the bunny attached to his hoodie.

And yet you still didn’t understand why this sense of melancholy came back to you, tugging on your heart strings even more than ever. Even when your eyes locked with Ramuda’s for just a second, even when your eyes began to water, you still didn’t understand why you were feeling this way.

For some reason, you just wanted to chase after him and hold him tight, but all you could really do was watch him smile at the crowd and walk away.

Intro page | Hypnosis Mic masterlist | Requests rules

[missmeikakuna]

Let Me Speak to the Manager! Ch. 6- Karen x Manager [END]

The sixth and final chapter of my new story, a Karen x Manager yuri romcom. Yes, you read that right.

Fandom: Original (unless Karen memes count as a fandom)

Rated: T (some swearing and mature themes)

Pairing: F/F

Description: After being denied a discount at a supermarket, single mother Karen demands to see the manager. Much to her horror, the manager is hot enough to be her first woman crush. But Karen would rather join a pyramid scheme than deal with her feelings, much less admit them.

Potential Content Warning: Religious homophobia

Cover art by Galdsy- Tumblr: www.tumblr.com/galdsy Twitter: twitter.com/galdsy Instagram: www.instagram.com/galdles/?hl=…

Chapter 6: Karen and The Manager vs Society

Kyle, Sharon and Carol sat by the dining table. ��What’s up with mum?’ Carol asked, stirring the chocolate powder in her cup of milk.

It was nighttime and Karen had already gone to sleep. The three children were lit by the flashlight feature on their phones, unwilling to turn on the kitchen lights and risk awakening their mother. The room still reeked of lavender and honey, which would be nice if it wasn’t so potent. Karen had a habit of leaving the oil diffuser on for hours.

‘It’s that dumb business she’s started,’ Kyle answered, slamming his fist against the table.

Sharon nodded. ‘She tried to put oil in my ear last night. Claimed it could help me get to sleep. As if I could sleep if I’m worried about getting shit poured in my ear.’

‘So… what do we do?’ Kyle asked. The other two shrugged, then Carol took a sip of her homemade chocolate milk. Sharon absentmindedly tapped the placemat in front of her. They collectively sighed.

The next day, Karen came home from work with bags under her eyes. She collapsed on her bed but forced herself to take out her phone and check her WonderLiving page on Friendful. 

Kyle, Sharon and Carol burst through the doorway to her bedroom and Kyle stood in front of the door to block Karen from leaving. Carol and Sharon swooped to Karen’s side.

‘What are you guys doing?’

Sharon ‘Well… you see, we’re concerned about-’

‘Your new business sucks,’ Carol interjected.

Sharon slapped Carol’s shoulder. ‘Carol!’

‘What? It’s true. Mum, you keep saying you can’t buy us stuff because you’re trying to get your business off the ground. Why do you even need it? What are you even selling?’

Karen started her rehearsed spiel about the benefits of WonderLiving essential oils. Kyle’s eyelids quickly began to lower.

‘Are you making any money from these oils?’ Sharon asked.

Karen paused, then shook her head. ‘But I’m sure soon the money will start pouring in!’

Carol groaned. ‘Why did you need the extra money? We were fine before you joined this Wonder… whatever.’

‘Well, you know how expensive groceries are now, since I had to change where I shop.’

‘Just apologise to the supermarket,’ Sharon suggested. ‘That was ages ago.’

Karen crossed her arms and was silent for a moment, her face a blank slate. ‘I may or may not have had another… outburst… in front of the same manager.’

‘Then apologise to that manager.’

‘No way am I talking to that temptress Frema again!’

Carol raised an eyebrow, noting the redness of Karen’s cheeks. ‘Temptress?’ The memory of Karen’s behaviour upon first meeting Frema lit up like a lightbulb in her mind. She held in her laughter and looked at her siblings to see if they had any clue what was going on. 

That question brought Karen to her feet. ‘Get out of my room,’ she said as she reached past Kyle to grab the doorknob. Kyle stood resolute, not budging an inch.

‘It’s okay,’ Carol said to Kyle, who moved on command. Despite Karen telling her children to leave, she was the one who exited the room.

Sharon sat down on the bed. ‘What was that all about?’

Carol paused to think. Was she crazy? ‘Temptress… did this manager tempt mum? Into what, exactly?’ She looked to her siblings to see if they picked up on her cues.

Sharon lifted her legs until she was sitting cross-legged on the bed. Her eyes grew three sizes and her jaw hit the floor.

‘But Mum’s not a lesbian!’

‘I never said she was.’

‘Wait, Mum’s a lesbian?’ Kyle asked with the face of an F-grade student given the Mensa test.

‘Either way, we need to talk to this manager,’ Carol said, her eyebrows low with determination.

Sharon pointed out, ‘And get her to do what? Even if Mum goes back to the supermarket, she might still want to stay in that company.’

Kyle looked at his hands like they were fading away. ‘Woah, woah, woah. But if Mum’s a lesbian, then how was I born?’ He patted down his body to check it was still there.

Carol ignored him to continue discussing with Sharon. ‘Well, if my deduction’s right, then this manager might be the last person left who can talk some sense into her. She might listen. Or hell. She could be tempted to leave Wonder-whatever.’

Sharon shook her head. ‘We don’t even know when this woman’s on her shift. How do we find her and convince her to help?’

‘Listen to me!’ Kyle yelled. Carol and Sharon turned their heads. ‘Is Mum a lesbian?’

The twins shrugged in perfect synchronisation. ‘Anyway,’ Carol said. ‘Time to make a plan.’

Frema pushed the trolleys into each other, struggling to get all of them to fit. A single drop of sweat slid down her forehead. After wiping it away, she smiled at customers and began visiting each aisle to inspect the employees’ recovery work. 

A bland and repetitive but vaguely upbeat pop song played through the speakers. This should have been fine, as Frema was no music snob despite her personal tastes. That being said, hearing it for the fifth time in an hour would turn anyone into a hipster who funnel-chugs lowercase ambient albums.

Sunlight burst through the windows and glass doors but the building was still a little chilly, thanks to the frequently opened but rarely closed fridge doors in the frozen produce section. As she made her way through the aisles, she made sure she closed every single one of those fridge doors.

This was a rather average work day.

The company phone buzzed in Frema’s pant pocket. She immediately took it out. ‘Welcome to Wilco’s. Frema speaking. How may I help you?’

‘Oh, you’re there,’ Carol said. ‘How long will your shift last? We’ll be there as soon as possible.’

Frema’s eyebrows met in confusion. ‘Could I have your name? I’m afraid I don’t recognise your voice.’

‘Oh, you probably don’t remember us.’

Kyle had to butt in the conversation. ‘We’re Karen’s kids.’

‘I see… is there anything you need?’

‘Nope!’ Sharon replied. ‘We’ll see you soon.’ She hung up.

Frema stared at the phone in her hand, dumbfounded. She released a quick chuckle before pushing the phone back into her pocket and continuing her inspection.

It wasn’t long before the three kids arrived. Carol asked a staff member where Frema was. Frema wound up recognising the three pretty quickly. They were the spitting image of Karen.

‘Can I help you?’

Kyle said, ‘Maybe.’ His face was still shocked as he tried to understand what his mother’s sexuality was.

‘Yes!’ Carol yelped, stepping on Kyle’s foot. Kyle yelped even louder at the shoe on his foot. He glared at her but she ignored him. ‘We need you to get Mum to leave a company she keeps spending money on.’

Frema raised a single eyebrow and wore an awkward grin. ‘I’m not sure I’d be much help with that. I doubt she’d-’

‘But you have to try-’

‘I did. I can’t deal with her anymore.’ She pulled a line of items forward on the shelf. ‘She doesn’t listen to reason.’

‘But you’re a temptress!’ Sharon argued a little too loud. She lowered her head as shoppers turned theirs. ‘I mean, that’s what Mum said. Can’t you tempt her to leave the pyramid scheme she’s in? She won’t hear what we have to say.’

That word shot into Frema’s brain like a pinball, bouncing around it faster and faster. Temptress. What a word. Frema’s heart couldn’t help but grow wings and gently fly up. She closed her eyes and thought.

Following half a minute of deliberation, she spoke. ‘Fine. I’ll give it one more shot. Where’s your mum? My shift ends in a few minutes.’

Once her shift was over, she drove the kids to Karen’s home. They walked up to the front door and Carol knocked on it.

When Karen opened it, her face went through the entire spectrum of emotions. She eventually settled on fear and began to close the door. Frema held the edge of the door with the grip of a coconut crab. Karen may have been an unstoppable force, but Frema was an immovable object. The result turned out to be an explosion.

‘Leave me alone!’ Karen screeched.

‘Not until I have a good talk with you!’

‘And what? Judge my life while you live the worst possible lifestyle?’

‘Coming from the woman who called me a temptress!’

Karen gulped. She sighed, looked at her feet and opened the door. A voice unfamiliar to Frema entered her ears from behind Karen.

‘Oh, is someone late to the party? You’re not going to give the whole presentation again, are you? That’s a common rookie mistake.’

Something about that voice and its platitudinously plastic tone ground against Frema’s ears. It was a sensation akin to hearing the familiar squeak of a roller shopping basket scraping against the floor. She looked up and saw a middle-aged woman, taller than even Frema herself, with a blonde bun whose tightness highlighted her extensive use of botox.

Behind her, a gathering of similarly aged women stood in the living room like they were surrounding a water cooler at work, wine glasses in their hands. Most of them had a haircut eerily like Karen’s.

The bun-wearing woman, herself holding a wine glass in one hand, shook Frema’s with her other. Her smile was positively Stepfordian. 

‘Nice to meet you. I’m Brenda. Did you want to try some of Karen’s products?’ Her wine flipped like a pancake in her glass as she swung her arm towards a full table of WonderLiving products. ‘There are still some left to buy.’ Despite keeping the same plastic smile, her voice smirked when she said that last part. 

Frema finally stepped through the door, inadvertently pushing it into Karen. ‘Frema. You must be Karen’s upline.’ The air between Frema and Brenda was like the surface of still water. Karen’s shoulders felt much the same way. She smiled big enough to show her teeth but not enough to be convincing. The only movement she could make was turning her head from Frema to Brenda and back again like she was watching a tennis match.

Brenda blinked her wide but dead eyes. ‘I see you’re already familiar with network marketing. How wonderful! You seem like you’d be a good fit as a distributor like Karen.’

‘Oh, no, I really couldn’t-’

‘Anyone can! That’s the beauty of working at WonderLiving.’

Frema laughed but its lack of ugliness caused Karen’s body to clam up even more. ‘Well, you know the saying. Just because they can doesn’t mean they should.’

‘Where do you work? I’m sure you could use some extra cash.’

‘I’m a supermarket manager.’

The smirk transferred from Brenda’s voice to her face, finally showing itself. ‘Well, you definitely sound like you should work at WonderLiving,’ she said as she took another sip of her wine. Her words cut deep, surprising Frema. She should have been used to this kind of thinking by now, and yet-

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

The two battlers turned their heads towards Karen, who looked akin to a deer angry at the headlights.

Brenda swallowed the wine in her mouth. ‘Well, who would want to work at that kind of place when you could be your own boss and earn a lot more? A supermarket manager…’ Brenda shivered before stepping towards a finger food table. She wiggled her fingers but decided not to eat anything Karen had prepared. ‘Though I guess you can tell a lot by the company you keep.’

Karen’s shoulders rose, she spluttered drops of wine left inside her mouth and she began lending a magpie’s eye to the nest that was her table of essential oils.

‘A supermarket manager is a perfectly fine job!’

‘Do you really believe that?’ Brenda asked.

‘Of course, I do! Frema works hard and is making a life for herself, unlike SOME people! You don’t know her, so stop talking shit!’

The crowd of bob-haired women gasped. Even Brenda was taken aback. ‘How dare you talk to me like that. Let’s not forget who helped you gather people for this Pharaoh’s Court. You couldn’t do it without me.’

Karen looked down in shame. Then she felt Frema’s comforting hand on her shoulder and looked back up with fire in her eyes.

‘Yeah, you’re right, and I think it’s time for them all to leave! Go! Shoo! Shoo!’ She stormed into the middle of the gathering and shooed them away just as she said. She looked at the essential oil table and raised her arm to push them all to the ground. She saw Frema’s embarrassed stare and brought her arm back to her side.

After closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths, Karen said, ‘I’d rather not share my home with someone who doesn’t appreciate hard workers like Frema.’ 

Brenda glared at Frema before grabbing her purse and shutting the front door behind her. Frema opened her mouth but Karen held up her pointer finger with her eyes closed again and her lips pursed.

She said nothing but led Frema to the study. There was no way in hell she was going to take her to her bedroom.

Naturally, once the kids finally walked into the house, they kept their distance from the study but listened in. Karen, to their luck, didn’t notice. ‘What do you want? Did you enjoy ruining my party?’ she asked Frema as she plopped down onto the swivel chair.

‘I want you to be honest with me.’ Karen swirled in her chair until she was facing away from Frema. ‘I’d also like you to be more mature, but we can’t have everything, can we?’ A groan jumped out from Karen’s lips. ‘Why did you join a pyramid scheme?’

Karen whipped back around to face Frema. ‘It’s not a pyramid scheme! It’s network marketing. Pyramid schemes are illegal!’

Frema considered arguing over this point but decided to move on. ‘Okay, then why did you join a network marketing company? And don’t give me a sales pitch.’

Karen started to turn back but Frema grabbed the top of the chair and pulled it towards her. She leaned down until their faces were inches apart. Karen couldn’t form words when confronted with Frema’s horrifying beauty. All she could do was stare silently at Frema’s lips.

Frema’s whispers tickled Karen’s own lips. ‘What changed in your life to make you decide that?’

Before Karen could think, she kissed Frema. The other woman’s lips were soft and the kiss was delicate, as if they both feared the other would disappear if they went too hard.

Frema broke the kiss almost immediately. ‘Nope. Less kissing, more talking.’

‘I knew it!’ Carol exclaimed. Karen’s eyes popped out of her sockets. Frema slid open the door fast enough to make a thud against the frame.

‘Shoo! Get outta here, you weirdos!’ The three kids obliged. With a sigh, Frema shut the door again and rubbed the side of her face. ‘Your kids are… something else.’

Karen nodded, her head hung in the greatest shame she had ever felt. ‘They know… they can’t! I’m not even…’

Frema kneeled down and placed a soft hand on Karen’s. ‘It’s okay. You don’t have to come out as anything if you’re not ready.’

Karen shook her head. ‘I was supposed to forget. I was supposed to do something, anything, to forget about you.’

‘What makes you think you could forget this ugly mug?’ Frema’s gorgeously awful laugh returned.

Karen gradually joined in despite disagreeing, then gradually stopped. ‘I haven’t known you very long. I barely-’

‘And that’s completely fine,’ Frema replied, slowly sliding her hand up the other woman’s arm. ‘We can get to know each other over dinner, maybe. Just, please leave that company. I beg you. Your kids are so worried and I hate what it turned you into.’

Karen pushed Frema’s hand away. ‘Turned me into? You already had every reason to hate me. I’m a mess who can’t handle any change. All I can do is knock things over and leave.’

‘Can’t argue with that. But you know what I discovered when you complimented my jacket?’ Frema brushed some of Karen’s hair behind her ear. ‘Even the worst customers can change, and maybe that means I’ve been able to change myself. Trust me, you’re not the first bad customer I’ve run into. When they left, I always saw them as complete scum who could never be redeemed. But you listened to me when I was complaining about my life. No one’s really done that for me before. Hell, look what you did just now at your party!’

Tears rolled down Karen’s cheeks and Frema wiped them away. Karen asked, ‘But what about all the stock I bought? No one wants it.’

‘I’m sure we can figure something out. But buying more stock won’t solve the problem.’

Karen nodded and wrapped her arms around Frema’s neck, pulling her closer. She continued sobbing as she whispered thank yous and sorries into her shoulder.

She could not sell the stock, but she concluded that the essential oils smelled nice enough to use in moderation. She diffused a bottle of oil every couple of days, enough to lessen the stock without polluting the air her children breathed.

Every weekend or so, she and Frema would go on a date. They spent a chunk of their time together whining about their lives, but they both listened to each other intently. By the end of the date, they had moved on to chatting about anything that brought them joy, from a new tv show to a series of photos Frema was proud of taking. It was as if they had forgotten what they had whinged about at the start.

After seeing sparkles in Karen’s eyes when she talked about the things Carol and Sharon had built, Frema suggested that she try woodworking again. At first, Karen shook her head and laughed awkwardly.

‘I couldn’t.’

‘But do you want to?’

Karen couldn’t help but nod.

A few days later, she invited Frema over without telling her what she wanted to do. As soon as she came in, Frema was greeted by the smell of wood chips. Karen handed her a hammer and led her to the backyard, where the whole family was building a dollhouse.

‘If I sell these, I can make back the money I spent at that....’ Karen’s words trailed off and a blush appeared on her face.’

‘That pyramid scheme?’ Carol asked with a chuckle.

The blush got redder. ‘Yes, that pyramid scheme. Now quiet down and do your job!’

The three kids snickered. Frema chuckled and gave Karen a comforting kiss before joining her in hammering nails into the dollhouse. It took a couple of hours, but they eventually created a little home for themselves.

[grandhotelabyss]

ok but as per last anon what ARE your hot takes of the aesthetic judgment variety

I don't have that many, at least as far as anything "classic" goes. The test of time is real test, so if something's lasted I try to understand why, and I usually succeed. Still, I have my tastes, as anyone does, so here are some "strong opinions":

—While I buy Frye's argument in The Anatomy of Criticism that satire is literature's first line of defense against philosophical, religious, and political encroachment on its autonomy, I still think it's a low art form always tempting the writer toward arrogant cheap shots. Accordingly, I don't much care for Voltaire, for Twain, for Vonnegut; I don't like a lot of dystopian fiction for the same reason and dis-esteem Brave New World and The Handmaid's Tale in particular as the worst offenders. The exceptions prove the rule: Swift is a genius because you can tell he includes himself in his satire; Never Let Me Go is the greatest dystopian novel because it's really about our own everyday lives here and now, wherever here and now happen to be.

—Now I will violate my own rule in the last post about avoiding stageist and stadial cultural historiography (sometimes I contradict myself just to see if anyone is paying attention): novels written before people figured out how to write novels without just blathering on in episodic prose aren't very pleasurable to read as a whole, despite the brilliance of their parts, and this includes figures I otherwise allow to be writers of genius, whether Cervantes or Defoe or Fielding or Richardson or Scott.

—I'm missing whatever gene allows people to take pleasure in the whole nonsense wing of the avant-garde, your Gertrude Steins, your John Ashberys, many of your Dada and Surrealist and L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poets, the Anne Carson books I don't enjoy (as opposed to the ones I do), and the like. Poetry should be beautiful and symbolic, novels beautiful and dramatic. "Alas a doubt in case of more go to say what it is cress. What is it. Mean. Potato. Loaves." Get out of here with this shit, lady. Literature is the eye with which the universe beholds itself and knows itself divine, not whatever that is supposed to be.

—In homage to the master of Strong Opinions himself, modern literature's veritable chessmaster, I will say that Bloom's judgment on Updike is every bit as true of Nabokov: "a minor writer with a major style."

—This kind of game always revolves around negative contrarian judgments, but on the positive side, and in defiance of what I'm sure some see as my elitism: popular, middlebrow, and/or genre novels that have stood the aforementioned test of time are almost always actually good, whether we're talking about Uncle Tom's Cabin or Dracula or The Grapes of Wrath or Dune or The Godfather or The World According to Garp or The Secret History. (One exception for me: Tolkien. The three movies—perhaps the three longest movies ever made—and a couple of pages of that put me off for life.) The gay aesthete wing of the new right over on Twitter has been making an apologia for Ayn Rand recently, to much controversy across the political spectrum, but I can believe it. I never read Rand for two reasons: one, I heard she was bad, and two, given my own libertarian streak, I was worried I would decide she wasn't.

I'll avoid comment on my contemporaries. I have plenty of hot takes there, limited only by my tendency not to finish reading what I don't like and my belief that you can't really judge a book you haven't finished, but I can't be trusted to evaluate direct rivals can I?

[voyeuristicvixen]

Captains Log No.33_ addsmespice

Firuz and Inari are a pair of naughty ass alts tht I made to start some adult content w WAV and we have yet to shoot a scene with them but for avis that I put together with less than 100Ls they look goodt. Stay Tuned! Follow their twitter its, https://twitter.com/firuzinari!!

she cute X.X So yaaahhhhhh Wav and I are working on episode 2 of Meta Love Talks and I am working in general on a full schedule for my creative ass (thank the fates) I am super grateful that I have so many amazing ideas and I ask for the strength to carry them out to completion and be fully committed and consistent in the act of self love that is putting it all out. AMEN!

Sub to our Youtube page! https://www.youtube.com/@studio19.

One thing we didnt mention and want to make sure we do more moving forward is give visibility and credits to all the creators that make our content possible. I honestly haven’t been good at doing that because of pure laziness lol. I will do better! I do not want to gatekeep any of these amazing creative tools and things that come together to make videos and pics and looks possible! So ya that first episode we filmed at a historic Sci Fi spot in SL called Hangars Liquides, def a place to check out because the artists there are dedicated to the political movements that art generates in their home countries. Its a dope ass movement behind Hangars that we didnt know about till after the filming. I have to do a whole post and more on that because its so fascinating to me.

I have been pulled into a deeper love for the history of SL, as time goes on there will be more history added and so everything we do in this platform can become apart of that too. Something to think about. Legacy is important to me. In RL and SL has now been a fun way to “troubleshoot” so to speak, the habits and skills necessary to make that happen fr. My Amor tribe will grow, and I have recently been honored to have been asked to be someones daughter. *pinch me im dreaming!* So now we growing our own family and im being introduced into another one all at once. Inshallah!  

Im pretty sure a black creator on zooby hud made this texture for the onesie and its just so clever because its got shoes and pants and a top but on one onesie its brilliant! I need to log in and look and add in where its from later for yall! Genius.

We have been experimenting and practicing more with lighting and photography, getting content. Its been a lot of fun and sometimes also can be daunting. Always remember never compare yourself or your work to others as tempting as it may be! Unless you want to stifle you motivation and creativity! Heed this warning fellow creators don’t you dare do that to yourself! I get into that mode sometimes feeling like “oh no one likes my stuff” but then I realize that hey, I LOVE IT lol and thats all that matters. The bonus is that people that end up liking it too  are oftentimes creators that I myself admire and who’s work I think is amazing representation of SL so that means a lot more to me than having hundreds of likes. I see a lot of ppl get discouraged and maybe this can help put things into a diff perspective. Keep doing you!

Wav had a whole ass amazing idea to do a shoot in the rain and so of course I needed to have us do a kiss in the rain. We have that on our RL couples bucket list. I think one of our meta love talk episodes will def have to include that segment in there because its really fun putting together and finding new things that we can experience together. Game changer! Anywayssss look how cuuuuuteeee they aree *hearteyes*

I be so annoying and nagging Wav a lot more than I would like to admit XD He shuts me up when he does things like take me on romantic dates like this... its such a treat. Also funny asl whenever we try and have a meal and realize we actually have to make reservations so that people can RP the whole dinner for us lmaooo. I hope that one day we can fully get it together but it is really the thought that counts for me. I dont care if we are eating air sandwiches as long as its with MY MAN MY MAN MY MAN. lols and they had a bar cart! I was going in on green fairy absinthe and champagne. Reminded me of RL college days I made my own wormwood tincture.. I used to concoct all kinds of potions since very young. I started out in a coven in 3rd grade... but thats another story entirely !

We need to go back and buy this couples walker it was such a delightful thing lol even when it was glitching out we were walking on air and thats how I feel when I am around this man (and when he’s not being annoying because we are mirrors for one another lmao) Fairytales are not always a walk in the park, the beautiful moments only exist because you choose to make them happen. Our generation has to learn that great things do not always come quick, they can be easy sure but things that last take time.

[deathwords334]

(Disclaimer: This is not my work. I am in no way affiliated with the artist. I just want to show off artists that I think need more attention. I also don't have anyone I can talk to about the rabbit hole I've gone down that is Good Omens doujins. I will supply links to their social media and where you can find the publications (If available))

On June 1st, there's going to be a doujin event going on! A lot of the artists I follow are going to be selling their work and I am SO excited!! Unfortunately Kyo-sensei won't be able to make it, but they're selling their work on a different site. Hopefully they'll be able to buy stuff still (Whenever I think my collection is big, I just look at their collection to ground myself lmao).

Anyway, so until then, I'm gonna try and post some more pics of the works in my collection! The majority of them will be selling stuff at the event, so if you like what you see, check their Booth page. Usually, they'll post what they have left there. You will need to use a proxy service if you want to get one and shipping can get expensive. Just a warning.

As always, I'll supply their social media and the links to where you can buy these:

First artist of the week is Gractus. They have a very unique art style that I adore. Their line work is sketchier and their Crowley and Aziraphale are stylized in a way that's not always traditional in anime-like styles. I love how they draw Azi's eyes all watery. For June 1st, they're releasing their first published R-18 work. It isn't their first nsfw work (their twitter has a link to all their suggestive stuff), but their two published works are at most R-15.

Speaking of!

First off, here's Snake and Cup, their first published book. It's a story set in Rome, set after the scene where Aziraphale tempts Crowley to some oysters. This is the R-15 book in question. At most, it contains sensual touching as Crowley tries to tempt Azi in return, but 'fails'. This was the second book I ever bought from Japan and it's beautiful. Smaller than the other one I posted, but the cover is matte and the pages have a wonderful texture. You can also see all the detail in their line work, which is a definite plus. By the by, if you like this story, they did a couple extra pages that actually turn R-18. Again check their twitter.

And next is Mellow Amber Note This is set before season 1, according to the notes on their Booth. In it, Aziraphale collects cologne and perfume, something that surprises Crowley. In comparison to Snake and Cup, this one is not as sensually charged, but the tension is there in full force. I think it's the panel layout, but also the expressions. Seeing Crowley go from frowning to smiling is so beautiful. And Azi's melancholy and hope for more fits how they draw him. Also, this one is shorter than the first book, so just a warning there.

Unfortunately, both books are sold out at the moment. However, I suspect at least Mellow Amber Note will come back after the event. They probably wanted to make sure they had enough to see there, you know? So keep an eye out on their twitter and booth.

[stinkygobbelin]

recent reads!

Bloom by Kevin Panetta and Savanna Ganucheau. so nice, the characters felt real and Ari's growth through the story was lovely. his parents are so sweet, Hector's so sweet. it's all so sweet but also isn't so sweet in a nothingy way it feels very solid and has not so sweet stuff. it's gay without the need for coming out or homophobia plot points (those things have their place but it's nice to have stories without them too). the art is beautiful, the spreads with the baking and that page with the seagull getting a bin doughnut. uh it's so good.

Thieves by Lucie Bryon. oh my god I was so excited for this I've followed Lucie on twitter for years and I saw these characters come into existence and I saw her work on the book and then it existed and that's just so cool. and the book is amazing! before I'd even finished it was up there as one of my favourite comics. the story is so good (and again, gay)(and again, the gay is allowed to just be) and the art, ah the art! Lucie is so fucking good at expressions, seriously I just love this book so much. the use of colour looks good and is clever and there's a little cameo from her cat Peanut on a shirt and that's just so sweet. I can't wait for her next comic.

Spike and Dru Pretty Maids All In A Row by Christopher Golden. I picked this up in a charity shop because I thought it'd be a bit silly and fun and it was. I mean it was also horrible, the plot is basically them killing girls but it felt kind of like reading fanfiction, I haven't read a lot of novels lately so it was nice to have an easy read. no thinking required. I'm tempted to read it again to make a tally of how many times it mentions that vampires don't need to breathe and that the Slayer had long legs, want to know who won.

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

ALRIGHT. HERE WE GO. THE FINALE ISSUE.

Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow #8 - “Ruthye, Supergirl, and Krem of the Yellow Hills”

SPOILERS!

ISSUE CREDITS: Written by Tom King, art by Bilquis Evely, colors by Matheus Lopes, letters by Clayton Cowles, and edited by Brittany Holzherr w/ asst. editor Jillian Grant and senior editor Paul Kaminski

THE PLOT:

As has become the pattern with these series, the plot is pretty simple. Ruthye fights Krem; Comet saves Kara; Kara ‘fights’ Krem; Krem is defeated.

BUT. There are also some ~twists~! 

The real meat of this issue though--and in fact, the meat of this series--has been the character work, specifically with Ruthye, because her journey and growth is a way of showing us, the reader, the kind of impact Supergirl can have on an individual, and thus! We learn about Kara as well.

Now, admittedly, there’s a really negative, cynical way to read this issue. And if that’s how some folks want to read it, that’s their prerogative.

Personally, I didn’t read it in that negative way, and I’m not alone, if various fan reviews and twitter reactions are anything to go by. XD So, just know that I guess some of this is technically subjective!

Okay. LET’S GO. 

(WARNING: Long-winded discussion of comics and potential misspellings/grammatical errors ahead, apologies in advance!)

RUTHYE VS. KREM:

A significant portion of the book is devoted to *the* showdown that we’ve been promised from the start--Ruthye finally has Krem alone, and intends to kill him. And, to be sporting about it, she cuts him loose, and forfeits her weapon to make it a fair fight.

And here’s the first of several unexpected (in my opinion, anyway!) swerves that the plot takes--Ruthye actually wins.

(As is often the case with these posts, I’m gonna be extremely tempted to just upload the whole issue here but! I will try to exercise restraint! And encourage individuals who have the means to do so support the book through official, legal means!)

*deep sigh regarding the current state of affairs re: comixology*

I digress.

I decided to start with this page here because there’s a lot of awesome stuff going on, IMO.

I mentioned this when they released the preview pages but the COLORSSSSS!!!!!

Specifically the back and forth of the blues and yellows, that not only serves as a nice way of visually separating the two scenes unfolding here, but ALSO works in tandem with the rhythm of the panel layout.

Which is ALSO very cool. Because, first and foremost, ya got SEVEN TIERS. An impressive stack of horizonal panels, maximizing the page space! Additionally, Kara’s panels grow as both her emotions and the action mount--the stunned horror of seeing Comet’s sacrifice starts small, constrained. As her shock turns to anger and she breaks the Brigands’ chains, the panel widens, and the last panel extends wider still in Kara’s final feat of strength, tearing the Brigands’ ship apart.

And! In spite of alternating settings and panel sizes, the whole page flows seamlessly thanks to Evely aligning all the focal points vertically; Ruthye and Krem face one another on either side of an invisible center line established in panel one, which continues on down the page; Kara’s face is centered on it in panel two, then Ruthye’s eye and grip on the hilt in panel three, and so on and so forth. Everything lands on that center.

SO. GOOD.

We see this carefully composed rhythm and alignment for the first five pages of the book (but it never gets boring or repetitive, as Evely changes up the sizes of panels and utilizes clever insets to keep things interesting as well as lend visual and narrative weight to certain scenes, i.e. the panels of Comet’s death are massive compared to the tiny panels of Ruthye cutting Krem loose). But then this pattern breaks on page six, when Ruthye’s fight with Krem literally throws her off balance.

Recall Evely’s usual trick, of physically arranging panels to match the flow of the physical action on the page! Here, we do not have a smooth path--it’s a more chaotic arrangement, which captures the feeling of the sudden upset in the fight. 

By the end of the page, though, Ruthye regains the upper hand, and the subsequent pages fall back into that tightly controlled/structured alignment. 

ALL THE KEY IMAGES AND ACTIONS ARE ON THAT CENTER LINE. A great way to guide our eye not only within the panels themselves, but across the entire page!

Anyways, I’m rambling at length about this because the fight between Ruthye and Krem is really important; it takes up the majority of this final issue, but not only that! The whole series kinda hinges on this specific showdown. If it doesn’t have the proper pacing and execution, well. You’ve blown the whole book!

(Which is why I disagree with the criticism that this issue specifically spends too much time on Ruthye and not enough on Kara but we’ll get there, we’ll get there XD)

Right, so. Ruthye’s all set to kill Krem. Everything she’s done, everything she’s gone through, it’s all been leading to this. MOMENT. She even has a big speech prepared, and I must say, it is a good speech. A speech that once again reminds us of how much Ruthye loved her father, and how much he clearly loved her.

(We’re still in tightly structured panels, BTW.)

(I have to put this here b/c it won’t fit anywhere else, so, an aside: I know it’s been a Thing since the start of the book but I don’t think I ever really thought about the fact that Ruthye’s family literally farms rocks. Like. She says her dad planted pebbles and harvested stones. Such a weird, neat little detail about her planet!)

(Okay, back to business.) 

The narrative has reached a point where Ruthye is so justified in wanting this guy dead. But when the time comes!

Why HELLO, staggered, off-center panels! WE MEET AGAIN!

Which must mean another visual representation of the inner turmoil that Ruthye is feeling! As she herself is no longer ‘centered’ and in tight control of herself/the situation!

She can’t kill Krem!

WELL BRONCO BILL WAS A CEN-TAUR, WAS A GOOD FRIEND O’ MINE  ♫

I must pause to mention Horse-Man.

WHO WAS INDEED, SECRETLY A MAN.

(Also King confirmed this is a COIE homage, NOICE.)

(Oh, also, “Bronco” Bill Starr is the name Comet uses as his civilian/human identity.) 

Anyways, as I mentioned in a previous post, I’m genuinely sad that Comet actually, for real, dies in the end here.

But in terms of expendable characters, I actually think Comet is ideal? Like, King gets to have his cake and eat it too; we’re introduced to a Comet that (probably!) doesn’t carry the creepy baggage of his Silver Age counterpart (it helps that Kara is older here, and that King never specifies when, exactly, they met) so not only does the story get to indulge in some of the retro, almost fairytale-esque wackiness of those original Super-Horse stories, but King also gets to leverage Kara’s close connection to the character to sell her final descent into full despair--Comet’s sacrifice is the last straw for her. 

Also, mentioned before but I will mention again, Evely went and made Comet handsome. 

HOW DARE SHE. XD

Not only that, but Comet’s whole vibe--as well as the way Evely has designed/rendered him--matches the tone of the book so well? On a journey across the universe that has features some pretty fantastical locales and circumstances--space dragons and Kryptonite suns and wicked pirates--a centaur from ancient Greece who’s cursed by a magical spell? Fits right in. 

But, okay. To briefly circle back, there is admittedly that question of, ‘Why does Comet have to die? That’s so random, and it happens so quick.’

And I say again: Kara needs to be at her absolute lowest after her confrontation with the Brigands.

It’s just as King’s said from the beginning: in this book, he didn’t want to be precious with Supergirl. He wanted to really push the character to her absolute limits.

So yeah. Kara’s not in a great place, emotionally or physically as she meets up with Ruthye, which brings us TO....

TWIST NUMBER 1:

Ruthye can’t kill Krem, Kara shows up and decides to do it herself, and Ruthye doesn’t understand Kara’s actions, because from the beginning, she was quite firm about no killing, and also that they had to save Krypto.

So Ruthye’s like:

(Except, you know, minus the smiling.)

Which brings us to THE TWIST!

Krypto’s been safe this WHOLE TIME! 

I will admit, I did not see that coming. XD

And I can feel it--I can FEEL the outcry of so many offended SG comic fans, taking to their fan reviews to shout in outrage that ‘Supergirl lied! This whole thing was based on a lie!’

To which I say...well you’re not wrong. XD But also, let us look back and what this book has established...basically from the outset:

And, more recently in issue seven:

(The text is small so I’ll quote it) “And I learned then that up can be down and right can be wrong, and a lie told well can be true and good.”

So, keeping those elements in mind, we go to Kara’s explanation:

Kara knew words were not going to work with Ruthye, and that Ruthye would spend her life obsessed with getting revenge on this man. Not only that, but she’d most likely never succeed in catching him. In short, this would destroy her.

And Kara knows this because she sees some of herself in Ruthye.

As she says, it’s like her dreaming of Krypton.

I reblogged this recently but here it is again:

This is a panel from King’s Heroes in Crisis, which centers on a place called The Sanctuary--a kind of superhero rehabilitation center where the costumed folks of the DC Universe can go to therapy. So we get these bits of ‘confessions’ from various characters.

I remember someone jokingly shared this on twitter when SG:WoT was announced and they said something like: It’s gonna be 8 issues of this.

And you know what...they’re kinda right!

I think this is an aspect of Kara that King considers to be at the heart of her character.

Kara still dreams of Krypton. Which is both a lovely and tragic thing.

AND THUS! WE ARRIVE AT THE CLIMAX! After a journey Kara went on with Ruthye to save her from a lifetime defined by hate*, she encounters just. The worst of the worst, and the very girl she set out to save is still seeking vengeance???

She has failed, utterly and completely; Comet is dead, she has nothing left to lose. So she picks up the sword, ready to end it.

That’s some mighty fine, meaty character conflict, there.

Mmmm, ya love to see it.

But you know what I love even more?

This page:

Brace yerselves, we’re quotin’ the text!

“I learned it! Back on my home. When you kept on fighting and you had no right to. Or during the travel. When you helped me to wash up after going. Even in the midst of all the ruckus of that bus, you took that time. Or in that town where I saw true evil. And I felt eternally lost, and you let me lean on your shoulder and you put an arm around me, pulling me back until I was found. All those weeks chasing the wreckage of the Brigands. And all you did in each place of horror was help those who needed helping, extending to them what you’d given to me. A shoulder to lean on. And when the very sun was against you and had drawn out ever last ounce of strength, you still helpd your arm out to evil and kept it at bay. I saw you outrun magic, just whispering into the impossible that it had no control over you, none at all. Eve now, with a ship of devils above me, I felt no fear, for I knew that you were amongst them and the devils would soon fade away.”

(It goes on but I’ll stop there. XD Also, bolded my favorite part which also happens to be the part that made me cry THANKS A LOT, TOM.)

Ruthye walks Kara back from the edge, and once more I can sense potential complaints: “Ruthye saves Supergirl?? She gets the big damn hero moment???”

Yes, she does. Because Supergirl showed her how to be the hero.

They save eACH OTHER.

If Ruthye doesn’t walk Kara back, if she doesn’t step in, then it means Kara hasn’t succeeded. She has failed, the universe is a dark and cruel place, all hope is lost.

But of course, that’s not what happens. Because she’s Supergirl.  

Kara’s strength of character, her ideals, her qualities both heroic and otherwise, are revealed in Ruthye.

(*Quick note: I’m not suggesting that the parallel here, between Ruthye and Kara, is a one-to-one situation--Kara clinging to the memory of Krypton doesn’t mean she’s lived a life defined by pain and hate. Rather, if we think back to issue six, it’s more about always feeling just a little bit lost:

“She had visited so many planets, but she never saw anything quite like that view again. Red and blue leaves and the wind blowing through them.”

“...she is eternally searching for something. Perhaps justice. Perhaps explanation. Perhaps… Perhaps a tree outside her window, red and blue leaves and the wind that blows between them.”)

(Which is it’s own sort of tragedy, but not like. A hateful one.)

(And we LOVE TO SEE A KARA whose motivation is like. ‘I’ve felt pain, and I’m going to make sure no one has to hurt like I do.’)

(MMMMMM, so good.) 

AHEM. Okay. Moving on tooooooo:

TWIST, THE SECOND!

We abruptly jump to both a new setting and, apparently, a new time! As we arrive on Ruthye’s rock farm, many years later.

We see an aged Ruthye and KARA IN A NEW SUIT.

I REPEAT. KARA. IN A NEW. SUIT.

YES I'm using the gif again. XD

Because it IS PRACTICALLY PERFECT, IN EVERY WAY.

Not just the design of the suit itself--which I’ll get to in a sec--but the lighting! The colors! 

BEST BOY KRYPTO, ALIVE AND WELL AND NOT DEAD IN THE BACKYARD ON THE MOON!

(Yes yes I know that Future State is supposed to be the ‘bad’ future but I’m still mad about it. XD)

The shape of the cape! The clouds! The HAIR!

10000/10, perfect attire for saving the galaxy. 

Right, okay, so the actual design of the suit: 1.) Love that it’s designed by a woman! Which is not to say that women are inherently better at, or preferable to men in terms of designing superhero costumes. Rather, it’s more about the fact that so much of Kara’s comics history has been driven and defined by dudes that it’s refreshing to see a woman get to steer a big visual/creative decision like this. In the DCU mainline canon, no less!

(Though I kinda doubt we’ll see this look again any time soon--as mentioned, this appears to take place in the future, so current books aren’t really beholden to it, which is a DAMN SHAME.)

(....PKJ is pretty great about playing nice with other books in continuity, maybe he’ll insist on it at some point in the future, if Kara shows up in one of his books?)

(Anyways.)

2.) SHORT HAIRED KARAAAAAA! Specifically! A very Silver Age look, that Evely has used in this series but ALSO back in Sugar and Spike!

I love it.

The suit avoids falling into the trap of looking like blue footy-pajamas by utilizing some of the same tricks we see in the season five suit from the TV show--we’re got the two different shades of blue, as well as some neat piping to add further visual interest. The belt has been carried over from the previous costume, but when paired with the pants, it recalls the type of clothing we saw Kara wear back on Krypton/Argo. (The boots, too, look like the type she wore back home!) Said boots don’t come up as high as the ones on the TV suit, but they still function similarly--again, the biggest problem when designing a super suit that does away with the skirt/trunks is finding an aesthetically pleasing solution to breaking up all that blue. Bringing the red of the shoes up higher on the leg unifies the other red elements--they don’t look small and lost! Finally, the cape is like. A best of both worlds situation. XD I personally am an advocate of exposed neck/collar bone Supes--the high-collared capes can look restrictive and stiff. This cape does have a high collar, but opens up the front. Not only that, but it flairs a little as it drapes over the shoulders, bringing more Kryptonian clothing shape language into the mix!

IT’S VERY GOOD. BRAVO TO BILQUIS EVELY, AS WELL AS MAT LOPES FOR THOSE GORGEOUS PRIMARY COLORS.

Also it was noted by @thatsjustsupergirl​ that, much like in the TV show, the suit acts as a great visual marker of Kara’s growth/maturation; I love the classic skirt look, and always will, but it is a very youthful outfit, and has unfortunately become tied to the modern DC take of keeping Kara stuck in adolescence/young adulthood.

I love that this book brought back twenty-something Kara, like in the halcyon days of Pre-Crisis. XD And even if my prediction wasn’t correct--that the book didn’t formally change the IP from Supergirl to Superwoman...

Like. It’s totally there, visually. She’s the Woman of Tomorrow by story’s end. XD

(Which is not to say skirts are bad or solely for younger women/people it’s just ONE CASE where the changing of a costume jives with the overall direction of a fictional character NUANCE, INTERNET. WE CAN HAVE NUANCE IN THESE DISCUSSIONS.)

Wow, okay, got really distracted by the suit, haven’t even gotten to the twist yet. XD

THE SECOND TWIST! Neither Ruthye nor Kara killed Krem.

The ending of the ‘book’ we’ve been reading--Ruthye’s narration--is false!

Aw man, remember back when issue one came out, and a bunch of SG comics fans accused Tom King of making Kara a murderer? And I was over here in my corner like, “I want to see how this goes?”

XD

I’ve seen a lot of folks confused by this twist, actually. I guess they assume that Ruthye’s ‘fictional fiddle faddle’ refers to the entirety of the book, and therefore, everything we’ve just read is potentially a fabrication.

Which...mmm. Is not how I read it.

Obviously, the ending is fake. The dialogue between Ruthye and Kara reveals that Ruthye made it up as a way to provide protection for herself--the Brigands believed (and still believe, thanks to Ruthye’s book) that Kara killed Krem, so they went after her rather than Ruthye.

Ruthye was thus allowed to live out her life in relative peace on her family’s rock farm, without the fear of being hunted across the universe by evil space pirates.

Everything else...is kinda up to the reader, honestly! XD King leaves a whole lotta room for interpretation.

But I tend to think that everything we’ve seen--that is, the art--is the actual account of what went down; the narration boxes--the ‘book’--isn’t so much describing the art itself but is giving the story its general shape/structure/series of events.

(Does that make any sense? XD It sounded good in my head.) 

For instance, note that the narration completely vanishes in some places in these last few issues--the ‘book’ stops telling us what happened, and instead we just get the truth of it, as it were.

Like here, in the final set of pages--no narration over most of them as Krem’s TRUE fate is revealed: he spent hundreds of years in the phantom zone, atoning for his misdeeds. It then picks up on the final to contrast the real ending with the fake one.

I actually love the whole myth and legend vibe. Maybe some of it was exaggerated, maybe some of it was misremembered, but the emotional core of it remains true, that of the journey of this young girl and young woman.

AND SO, THE END.

Yet another point of contention among naysayers XD

Kara saves Ruthye in that she shows her how to live a life free of hate and vengeance, and she takes on the burden of handling the Brigands.

“But!” critics cry, “Ruthye still kills Krem, so it’s all for naught!”

Well.

I’ll admit, the art is an obvious and deliberate callback to the first issue, where Krem kills Ruthye’s father. So I can definitely see why folks would insist that Ruthye has killed him.

But.

Krem is moving after she whacks him, seeming to clutch his head where he’s been hit.

Not only that, but. In issue one, Ruthye’s father is killed at sunset, the world around Ruthye literally growing dark.

Here, the sun rises over the whole proceeding, suggesting, not a grim, bloody end, but rather a vibrant, shining beginning.

Not so much in the sense that Ruthye can begin living--she’s clearly been doing that.

But she let Kara put Krem in the Phantom Zone--she allowed Krem to face the judgement of others rather than a punishment she chose. She’s been denied that one last act of closure (but, again, importantly! She chose to forego it!)

Basically, it’s her turn now. And she gets to tell him, ‘no, actually, I do not forgive you for murdering my father.’

(And by tell I mean: smack him in the face.)

And Kara lets her have that space, that choice. Kara’s done her part, she’s made sure that Krem faced the proper kind of justice and served his time.

She saved him!

Once more, I think King gets to have his cake, and eat it too. XD

(Also, like. I read this as just a smack on the head because it’s way more charming/funny that way? And would sit better with not only Ruthye’s prior characterization, but also with the lessons she’s learned from Kara.)

(And like I said, the ‘book’ picks up again here, to provide maximum contrast between the true events and the false; if Krem was killed here it would sorta undermine the impact.)

But I’ve heard an argument for ‘Krem is killed’ on a comic review podcast, and the way the reviewer explained it, it still jives with the whole message and theme of the book.

(Not as well, in my humble opinion, but. Still technically would work.)

Should note, the character acting and the clarity of the silhouettes in the above page is excellent. 

FINAL THOUGHTS:

So yeah. I liked this! A lot. I mean. A lot. 

(In case I hadn’t made that exceedingly clear. XD)

It’s certainly an unconventional Supergirl story, but I really think it’s what the character needed.

No Clark. No cousin angst. No rotating roster of underdeveloped love interests/side characters. No justifying the existence of a Supergirl.

It was just Kara being awesome for eight wonderful issues.

IDK if DC will really commit to something like this ever again--the fact that this is one of the first Tom King books in a while to not get a hardcover tells me DC still isn’t confident that Supergirl can sell trades.

But like. that’s fine. This book exists, and it’s so very, very good, and BILQUIS EVELY DREW AN ENTIRE SUPERGIRL SERIES FROM START TO FINISH AND IT WAS JUST AS PRETTY AS I KNEW IT WOULD BE AAAHHHHHHHHH!

That’s right. We got in some yelling about the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!!!!! XD

Not only was Evely’s art stunning throughout, but I canNOT get over Mat Lopes colors. KNOCK-OUT AMAZING, EVERY TIME.

And King’s prose? Equally affecting, with a unique and unexpected voice that brought this strange, poetic adventure to life.

I always drop the ball on talking letters so my sincere apologies to Clayton Cowles and in fact all letterers out there for not properly appreciating the art form, I WILL TRY TO DO BETTER IN THE FUTURE.

But, briefly: There was a LOT of narration/caption boxes to handle, across all eight issues, and never once did it feel like they overwhelmed the art. and they never became confusing in their placement.

(Also I love the design of Ruthye’s CHMMP as she bites Krem’s arm.)

And of course, hats off to all the editors--there were some changes throughout the series, but it didn’t feel like the book had changed hands--just one smooth, seamless journey.

I worry that I might be hyping this book up too much--that my bias for Evely’s art, and Kara’s character, and heck, even my fairly neutral-to-positive opinion on King is kinda driving me to heap too much praise on this title.

Like. Okay. I think this is the best King book that’s come out in a while, but of course I would. It’s a Supergirl book drawn by one of my favorite artists. 

But I’ve seen Tom King fans who are not necessarily die-hard Supergirl fans express the same sentiment! So:

(Man just. Recycling all the gifs today, I guess. XD)

I admittedly have some nitpick-y hang ups here and there but they’re so minor when compared to the incredibly well-crafted whole of the book.

Absolutely one of my top three favorite Supergirl titles, and easily the best Supergirl solo book that DC’s put out in years. 

SO. IN CONCLUSION.

Way back, waaaaay back in June, when issue one dropped. The consensus from many reviewers was that Tom King was once more breaking the characterization of a beloved DC superhero to suit his own narrative needs. This Supergirl was edgy. This Supergirl was tough. Tom King must think Kara’s just forever BROKEN and lives a life of LITERAL, UNENDING PAIN.**

(**These are actual, real takes I have seen with my own two eyeballs.)

To which I say:

Tom King’s Crusty!Kara was actually Classic!Kara this entire time! XD

Yaaaaaay! :D :D :D

Right, well.

I think this is where I shall end this long post of Ruthye, Kara, and Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow. 

[ga-yuu]

So totally random!!!!

A random game account popped up in my twitter homepage. It’s this:

JP title: 夢職人と忘れじの黒い妖精（ゆめくろ）

Eng title: Yumekuro~Dream craftsman and forgotten black fairy~

Yup! The title looks tempting and the game looks like another Twisted Wonderland! 

The art is....as you see above GORGEOUS!!! I don’t know if this is a otome game, I feel like its more like a RPG, Rhythm. And it’s in japanese!!! Why???

Anyways, this is the twitter page: https://twitter.com/yumekuro_info

*

Now for what I found in their website:

World:

The dream world.

It is a world where people live by the power of their dreams, with a strong desire and will for the future.

Now, the dream world is entering a new era of progress, and it is led by craftsmen called Meisters. They have formed a guild with like-minded people, and are developing the world with their skills.

However, a black fairy suddenly appears and tried to scare the artisans, 

This is the story of your dreams, and how you can use them to make your own dreams come true.

*

This is me. As the new “Guild Keeper”, I’m busy supporting the Meisters. Suddenly, however, a black fairy appears in front of me, and I caught up in the fate of humans and fairies.

Official Website:https://www.yumekuro.com/ 

I’ll start introducing the male characters, there are just so many......!!!!

[ilikemesometaetaes]

OH MY HAPPY PJM DAY LOVELY I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL!

Thanks again for your reply 🥺 I saw you had a lot of ideas for one shots but do you think you’ll ever try drabbles? Like if you ever have a moment where you think of an idea, would you consider writing something in that style?

And to me they are not empty promises nor is it meaningless in any way - just like you said you will get the inspiration eventually and we’ll be patient for that moment. Whatever you release is crafted so well and the wait is so worth it once you do release things truly!

OH and I Love love love the black and white theme. I have this app in dark mode so it just adds to the whole aesthetic. And since I do most of my reading in the dead of night it’s easy on the eyes too ahah (not to mention the headers as well - beautiful as always and I like how you change up the font as well - it really suits the theme of the piece it relates too)

And sorry for the minor betraying your trust :( - it’s so disheartening to see things like that here especially considering the amount of warnings on your page too but I hope this doesn’t happen again both for your sake and theirs

butt on to a lighter note, do you have any quick tips for weight training that you personally think is helpful. I got the hang of all the cardio but like how do you find yourself organising your training- like focusing on one area for all your sets or is it like a whole body workout if that makes sense?

I’m also glad you’ve experienced something so interesting like the navy and you’re enjoying it too! It really shows a lot about your character with how you give up your time to serve for the people :)

I had a listen to stromae quand c’est and it sounds like what a slow work day feels like idk how to explain it - but thanks for the recommendation I’ll definitely add this to the playlist

I listened to quite a bit of french music a few years back when I took it as a subject - particularly Maître Gims or Lea Castel - both of their voices are so beautiful but they’re more ‘pop’ I guess if you’re into that category for french music so if you ever need something new to listen to I’d fully recommend those two

When you mentioned take on me I had no clue what you were talking about then I listened to it and watched the video - how did I not know it had it’s own music video oh dear 😭 but it’s so fascinating how you can take inspiration from things like that and mould it into your own unique piece of art wow I’m still in awe

but I’m just saying if jungkook ever needed me to do something- the way I’d do whatever this man would want me to do, no questions asked, should be concerning. AND PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS OH WOW I CAN FULLY SEE A WHOLE JUNGKOOK MIRRORING JACK DAWSON this is not healthy for my little heart 😭😭

and okkkk I see you getting action and that - making moves ig - and sorry ‘inspired by real events’ hmm I’m really considering swimming across the pond for that type of action please don’t tempt me further

And yesss that will be so great if you could go into a little detail about your process - like even the ‘how you prepare to write’ bits like what sort of mood or lighting and all of that!! I really like little details like this so I think this will be interesting to hear from your perspective and experience.

Soo as another random question (and considering it is the king himself PJM day) are you doing anything interesting/special today?

I can’t lie I’ve been scrolling through Twitter and I just can’t get over how someone can be so beautiful. AND HIS LIPS 😭 OH MY HE HAS SUCH A PRETTY MOUTH (I promise I don’t mean this in a weird pervy way!!) AND HIS SMILE ESPECIALLY HIS EYE SMILE JUST MAKES ME WANT TO CURL UP AND CRY PLEASE HOW CAN SUCH A BEING EXIST.

ok but as a small life update - uni is so hard and everyday I try to think about why I’m still doing this, and everyday and I cannot think of an answer - I would say I’m joking but I don’t understand how I’m already behind being only three weeks into the term oh dear 😭 I’m writing this because I was going to reread KOG since I always pick up on the little details after rereads but I remembered I had to reply. I wouldn’t call this procrastination though, more like healthy prioritisation of the things that truly matter (you ;))

but as always it was nice writing to you again and stay safe and healthy love ♥️♥️ xx

Hey there, anon. Lovely to see you! I’m replying to this late because it somehow disappeared and then reappeared early this morning! I’m glad I got it back! I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself.

As for your question about drabbles, I really wish I could lol. My love for world building and detail just doesn’t let me write simple drabbles. I’ve tried on so many occasions to write drabbles and then they turn into one shots before I know it. It’s so hard to resist because our Korean men deserve so much art and glory- especially in my stories. I want to write out even the smallest details about them.

Thank you for being patient with my work. I wish I could write all of the time but real life duties call and drag me away from what I love doing most! In the next few weeks, I’ll be releasing three different works. Please look forward to them!

I keep my app in the Goth/Rave style (with the purple) because purple and black are my favorite colors. It really helps the aesthetic too lol. I’m glad that you enjoy the black and white as much as I do! We’re dark bitches like that.

As for weight training and such, make sure you separate your workouts by at least two days in between. If you do upper body one day, make sure to do two other workouts in two days before you hit upper body again. AND STRETCH!!! I can’t stress stretching enough because it allows those damaged muscles the time and mobility to heal the right way. Consume LOTS of protein and drink plenty of water throughout the day to maintain your hydration.

I’m really enjoying the Navy too! I’m all about helping others and protecting those I love. Once I commission, it’ll be Navy Navy Navy from then on lol. Thanks for complimenting my character ☺️ that made me feel good.

My friends are slowly getting into Stromae more and more. I was so excited because just last week, my friend said “What’s that song by that one dude who’s French? He’s got that one song about dads or whatever.” The way I SCREAMED lol. I LOVE LEA CASTEL OMG YES. I’ll have to give that other guy a listen. I’ll let you know what I think :)

To be honest with you, I feel a little cheap for getting inspiration from someone else’ work. It’s like recycled creativity. Some of it is my own but it is from another’s art that I find inspiration. (I’m my most harsh critic)

Jean fucking Jungkook, the bastard, can take his Jack Dawson ass and fuck right off. That’s all I have to say about that. @ressjeon

I’ll make a whole post about my writing process to help other writers in the coming days. I think my process is really simple and can help out A LOT. (Are you planning to write? I’d love to read your work!)

On Jimin’s birthday, I developed one of my fics for him a little further. Other than that, I didn’t do anything particularly special. Sorry Jimin 😅

You matter so much to me, anon. I look forward to your asks every time I open tumblr! Thanks for staying active on my blog and conversing with me! It’s a real treat to interact with you 😄

BRO WHAT THE FUCKKKKK ^^^^^ YANNIE GET YOUR FUCKING MANS AWAY FROM ME YOU FUCK

[invitedeath]

SEPHIROTH                          — relationship & plotter call.

hello lovely isolians! it’s been actually ages since i made my first one, or my second one, so i’m coming back with new vigour & hopefully some new ideas to tempt you all into friendship ( or...enemy...ship) with sephiroth!

so liking this post means that you are 100% down with interacting with me in some fashion! ways this might happen may be... �� me sending you im’s / tumblr asks to plot or chat! i can be quite a talkative person as a forewarning, as i love discussing rp things as well as getting to know my rp partner!  → if we are already friends on discord or twitter, i might message you that way to ask you about plots or ideas or to run things by you. → exchanging ask memes / meme day things that might be a bit more personal than a general sentence meme. → possible random starters or musings dedicated to your muse, sometimes i get sudden inspiration for these things! i will always check first that you’re okay with taking on a new thread, but yes this is for just... if i get inspired & want to put something up for you! → general tomfoolery and shenanigans in character ( and ooc if you like )

you can contact me via the im system here, by the /ask feature or you can ask for my discord/twitter if you prefer those. just let me know. discord is the most private however so we’d need to chat a bit more elsewhere first just for my comfort! i am in the isola discord sever however so we can totally talk in that server for a bit too!

FRIENDS.

↪ honestly friendships aren’t typically on the agenda for him. he is arrogant beyond belief and considers everyone to be weaker than him or to some degree unworthy of his time or energy. he really does not have any interest emotionally in anyone besides himself, instead he is far more likely to use and discard people when they are no longer needed. HOWEVER, in 2020 sephiroth underwent quite a big character development stage, essentially his long-term goal came to a head and it backfired pretty back when he got all his powers back, so while he’s super strong again now, he’s also semi-content (i guess) with living in isola for a while, if only so he can figure out how the multiverse works (meta, i know). he talks to people now (wow!) and engages in mostly philosophical conversations, about... life. death. etc.

↪  i am down to... vague villain-alliance type deals with fellow power players here. he wont consider your muse a friend, but rather a pawn or even a means to an end, that end being his goal of generally using this island for his means, apologies. preferably the intellectual, over-powered, edgy types will probably gravitate towards him more, but i’m willing to throw anything at the wall to see what sticks. he’s not a nice guy, by any means, but it would be interesting to see how he has to play the game here to his advantage until he regains powers. i especially would like to interact with other villains who are kind of just chilling, maybe they’re veterans in spirale also and they can share a glass of wine over watching all the citizens running around like ants. we could also do a murder if you are into that. 

↪ there are some cases where he might engage in conversation with non-villain types and these would likely be far more dialogue-heavy threads including metaphorical topics or debates. the conversations of life, death, mortality, good vs evil, frailty of existence, legacy, power and corruption, calamities, birthright and betrayal are just some of the topics possible to arise in discussion. that being said, whilst these topics would be of interest to him, the character themselves must meet his standard of what he considers worthy of his time eg. those just willing to argue with him will bore him whereas someone curious to his nature might be treated to an actual conversation. over time this has opened up into most people being capable of talking to him. he has less patience for over-eager plucky types, but anyone with a respectable manner who likes talking a lot will probably find an interesting conversation partner in this... ONLY SLIGHTLY CHILLED sephiroth. he’s not totally chill, he’s just a lil chill.

↪ warriors, outcasts, villains, intellectuals, fellow puppet-master type villains especially, those he ‘befriended’ in past events, perhaps even neighbours to his castle would all be likely connections. friends of those he has worked alongside or met, or those wishing to seek great power and know of his existence might seek him out also, but yes... ““““friends”“““ is a very difficult term for him. he’s getting better.

→ his most recent developments see him as a far more casual version of his canon self, over a year of living as close to a “domestic life” as possible have meant that whilst he is aloof and cold, he is also far more likely to be out and about, buying wine at some creepy gas station at 4:30am for example. he chats when he’s in the mood and might even stick around to cause some chaos for the sake of boredom eating him alive. so whilst he is still very much a dangerous inhabitant here in spirale, sephiroth is currently Domesticated somewhat. 

ENEMIES.

↪ heroes of all shapes and sizes might feel threatened by the ominous presence of a monster who seems inclined to side with chaos as opposed to peace. he’s not outright starting fires here but he is present in the more morbid moments of isolian discourse, an omen of death lingering on the sideline. he has his plans and he may just mock you with them, but in general since he does and WILL cut down npcs ( or players ) alike, he makes for the perfect villain. BE WARY he has all of his powers unlocked and knows the island well. fighting him would not guarantee your victory, especially if you are a freshly applied character.

in feb 2020 he almost brought chaos to spirale too so i’m sure anyone holding a grudge or wary of a potential threat like that would be very aggro towards him.

↪ he has traumas. plenty of them. some of them originate from labs and white coats, meaning he might just view you as an enemy if you’re a scientist or someone who dabbles in human experimentation. his reasons are his own, but let’s just say that if you consider him a good candidate for poking and prodding with scientific equipment, you may just lose an arm.

↪ i LOVE fight threads especially really gritty, bloody types. i would prefer to plot these out so we know what’s going on beforehand, but feel free to develop these with me honestly i love a good old classic villain hero showdown. he’s less likely to get into these without a good reason but if we do one, the winner is randomly determined via generator to make it fair if your character is also uncapped!

→ police/law enforcers/general crime stoppers might remember him for causing a bit of trouble in the past! insert how bad me be gif. try and ??? get him to apologise i guess. arresting sephiroth sounds like the plot of a funny movie. 

LOVERS.

↪ this man has a bf now, can you believe it? 2021...isola gay rights. 

MISC.

↪ pawns and such would be a fun dynamic later. his general presence is pretty terrifying, so it wouldn’t be a stretch if you have an appropriate muse for them to be fearful enough to carry out some little tasks for him. this might be more common later on, but i’m down to discussion for it currently!

↪ places you may find him can include:                 ↪ near his residence ( personal housing; castle in the mistwood  )                 ↪ fibonacci ward ( levels 3 and 4 especially due to the museums and things. but also the lowest levels, he tends to wander around there as if searching for something... feel free to try and figure out what it is )                 ↪ golden ward ( the university if only to borrow books from the library, he can read there for days at a time without sleep or food. he reads all kinds of things, both fiction and non fiction. )                 ↪ archimedes ward ( pretty much everywhere in this ward, it’s my favourite. he enjoys music and art sometimes. hit me with that biblical shit. )                ↪ the mistwood ( 100% down to be that cryptic creature that leads you from your path to your likely doom )                ↪ the city of yesteryear ( typically the underground areas, just investigating really. any strange occurrences would likely draw him there as would any presence of a strong power. )                ↪ atop skyscrapers, looming at the ‘edge’ of the world we can currently explore, typically more active at night, perhaps at the scene of a murder / attack ( plotted ), if he’s feeling extra ballsy he might be found in a bar but its very rare. very VERY rare, wandering broken buildings, invading scientific facilities or buildings. he’s not going to be found in busy, socially strained areas basically.

↪ i’m down for any ideas you might have too for plots so feel free to just message me if nothing here caters!

STATS PAGE | APPLICATION | PLOTTING PAGE

[zaprlcorn]

Why is Zayn so attractive? Why does the media/general public thirst after him? | post

Over the years, Zayn has been known for his insane talent but also more notoriously for his good looks. So good in fact, the term “Zaddy Zayn” was coined. In One Direction, fans have always idolized him and never failed to mention his good looks. There was even a time where the phrase “Zayn is vain” went around. Fans made edits of Zayn as Aladdin, Flynn Ryder, and Prince Charming. During one point, he was even described as John Stamos, a heart throb from Full House. So why is Zayn notoriously known for his looks? Why does the media/general public emphasize this so much? Shouldn’t it be more about his talent? What’s the reason behind Zayn’s killer looks? The answers are simple: because he’s attractive and because genetics. But could this be explained in his birth chart? Let’s take a look and see..

Zayn is a Capricorn. Capricorns and Capricorn men are notoriously known for being “sexy”. They age like wine–the older, the finer. Over the years, the media has painted Zayn as the “Bradford Bad boy” who’s sexy, rebellious, and vain. Think of Danny Zuko from Grease. I made a thread on my twitter about this a while ago, but this time I want to expand. Why is he known for his looks? Is there an astrological explanation for why he’s so attractive? Why does the media label him this way? 

The 10th House / Midheaven  & Libra Jupiter in the 8H

The 10th House in a birth chart is responsible for one’s career and the image they maintain in the public eye. So the 10th House is how people see you at work, in meetings etc. In Zayn’s chart, his Midheaven (10th House) is in the sign of Sagittarius, a sign who’s planetary ruler is Jupiter. In astrology, Jupiter is about expansion. Whatever Jupiter touches, it expands.There’s abundance. Especially an abundance of luck.

Having Jupiter on your MC (Midheaven) is good. Because it promotes success. It doesn’t have to be astronomical success like being the CEO of a company, but they will be successful and have luck in their career.

In whole sign houses, Jupiter lies in Zayn’s 8th house. Whole sign houses are a different calculation that is used in astrology to calculate one’s houses. So instead of a house beginning and ending in the same sign, all signs belong to a respective house (and aren’t skipped over) unlike Western/Tropical astrology. The House system used in the astrology you might be most familiar with is called Placidus.

Jupiter lies in his 8th house, and Jupiter rules his 10th house. The 8th house belongs to Scorpio. It belongs to Pluto and Mars (Scorpio’s planetary rulers). The 8th house deals with dark, taboo, and deep themes that aren’t talked about on a day-to-day basis. Themes range from the Occult, death, transformation/rebirth, intimacy and sex. In this case, we’re focusing on the intimacy and sex part. Because Zayn has this connection between his 8th and 10th house, the public views him as someone who’s magnetic. Enchanting. Because Jupiter is here, there’s an abundance of this. The media sees Zayn as a man who oozes sex appeal.

Zayn has Apollo and Eros in his 10th house (whole sign system) conjuncting in his chart. So this explains the whole “Zayn is a Greek god” thing.

Neptune/Jupiter/Pisces influence. Individuals with influences like these are described as “otherwordly” and “unreal”. Think of Diana Ross. 

Zayn’s Jupiter is at the 14th degree of Libra. Libra is a planet ruled by Venus. Who else is ruled by Venus? Taurus. And who does the 14th degree belong to? Taurus & Venus. So there’s a double-venus influence here. That said, Zayn’s got the media and GP with hearts in their eyes, making them gush, and thirst over him. The double-venus influence makes this energy more potent and emphasized. I say thirst because this is the 8H we’re talking about. Think of it this way, because astrology twitter debates this often: Which house is the house of sex? The 5th? Or 8th? Think of it like this: The 5H is a crush, the 8H is love. Two different feelings. A crush is cute, innocent, and light-hearted. Being in love is consuming, and intense. 

Moreover, Zayn’s midheaven degree is important. The MC is the highest point of one’s chart and it’s in the 10H. It is considered to be our life path considering it points upwards, forwards, and is the “highest point” in our chart. Zayn’s midheaven is at the 20th degree of Sagittarius. The 20th degree belongs to Scorpio. And what are Scorpio’s known for? Being sexy and mysterious. (re: Bradford Badboy). 

Venus-Lilith-Rising Conjunction 

Remember what I said about Venus? This is important, because Zayn is a Venus dominant. His first house (ascendant/rising) is in the sign of Pisces, which makes him a Pisces rising. In his first house, he has the planet Venus and the asteroid Lilith there all conjuncting his ascendant/rising. This is a blending of energies. Think of a conjunction as combining two-and-two to get one. Like a cake, you add ingredients together to get an end result which is the cake. In astrology, planets that conjunct all work together to produce an effect. In Zayn’s chart, this Venus-Lilith-Rising conjunction produces one effect: captivating and magnetizing. Many say Zayn is a beautiful man and there’s no denying that. The Romans renamed the Greeks’ Aphrodite as Venus. She is art, she is love, she is beauty. Zayn has Aphrodite conjunct his ascendant within a 1 degree orb, so he’s been blessed by the beauty of Venus. He is a child of Venus.

When someone has Venus in their first house conjunct their ascendant, it automatically makes the person beautiful. Also someone who is very artistic. They have been blessed with Venus’ beauty. So we take this and combine it with Lilith. Usually, Lilith is more important in a woman’s chart, but it’s important in Zayn’s considering it’s on his ascendant. When you have a Venus-Lilith-Ascendant conjunction, this makes someone beautiful and quite literally sexy. People lust after them, they are the object of people’s desires, they are the forbidden fruit that tempts people to take a bite. So this is why Zayn back in the 1D days (and still today) was described as the Dangerous Bad Boy from Bradford Who Will Cause A Ruckus and Have Your Father Mad. 

Note: While the Venus-Lilith-Ascendant conjunction makes someone extremely alluring, there are consequences. If you know Lilith’s story, you know where I’m going. This aspect is also responsible for ostracism, obsession, jealousy, and envy. People always want to see Zayn lose. And it’s those who “can’t understand” him. Additionally, Zayn’s Venus opposes his 7th house moon. The 7th house is the house of relationships and marriage, but also known as our descendant (hidden from the world) and a house of open enemies. So when you have this conjunction opposing a house of enemies, this brings trouble. People are jealous and can’t understand you and your beauty. So they attack you, copy you, try to one-up you, bully you, etc etc. 

So remember what I said about the double-venus? Here’s more evidence to back it up. 

Venus is exalted in the sign of Pisces. A planet’s exaltation is a sign of the zodiac in which it is thought to be particularly well-placed. So Pisces is gonna do Venus’ job very well. So keep the double-venus thing I mentioned in mind. Because when you read a birth chart (or at least when I do) it’s important to look at the planet’s individually and connections they have with other planets, asteroids, houses in a person's chart. So that said, Zayn having the Venus-Lilith-Ascendant conjunction I was talking about in a sign where Venus is exalted, this feeds the double-Venus influence that the public/GP sees. 

Follow me closely again. Zayn’s ascendant is at the 4th degree of Pisces. The 4th degree of astrology belongs to Cancer, a sign ruled by the Moon. Which is in his 7th house. Pisces’ traditional planetary ruler is Jupiter. In astrology, the planet that rules the sign your ascendant is in is considered your planetary ruler. So this means a few things: 1. At the most basic level, his Jupiter being in his 8th house (whole sign, 7H Placidus) the appearance of the individual is dark and others will find the native “sexy” and mysterious 2. Many will lust and thirst over the individual 3. With the Placidus interpretation, it can be seen as the native having many open enemies (7H)  who attack them for their appearance and self (1H). 

4. Jupiter is exalted in Cancer. His rising is Pisces. The 4th degree of astrology belongs to Cancer. Venus in Pisces is in his first house. 5. Not relevant to this Pisces-Jupiter-Cancer tirade I’m on, but the moon in someone’s 7th house is a significator of beauty.

DO YOU SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS? THE MAN IS BEAUTIFUL.

Moon 

It doesn’t help that his 5th house is ruled by the moon either. The “Zayn is beautiful” agenda is about to spill over at this point because I’m writing on the last centimetre of the page. His 5th house is in the sign of Cancer. The 5th house is originally home to Leo. Leo’s are beautiful, and they know it. The 5th house is the house of children, sex, games, etc. But In relation to this thread, I would say that the 5H rules over things like mirrors, makeup, jewellery, etc etc. Things you find in a vanity.This probably explains the whole “Zayn is vain” thing too because Leo’s are known to be vain, and with the Lord of his 5th in the 7th, ths just equals beauty beauty beauty beauty and MORE beauty. (Sidenote: His moon in sidereal astrology is in Leo)(Sidereal = different calculation) 

Zaddy Zayn

Where does the “Zaddy Zayn” thing come from? It’s because of 1. Everything in this post thus far and 2. Because he’s a Capricorn Stellium 3. He's Venus, Sun, and Rahu/NN dominant. Sun dominated men are the “it” boys of the zodiac. The sun is Masculine energy, hence why they are the “it” boys of the zodiac. They radiate that “zaddy” energy that Zayn does too (because he’s Sun dominant).  Zayn’s sun conjuncts Neptune in his 11th house. Neptune is the modern planetary ruler of Pisces, which happens to rule his chart because he’s a Pisces rising. When the Sun makes an aspect to the individuals planetary ruler, it strengthens the planet and what it does. In Zayn’s chart, the Sun shines a light on his.

Remember how I said Capricorn men are known for being sexy and they age like wine? The older, the finer? Applies to Zayn. Zayn’s tropical chart is dominated by Capricorn. Plus he was born at a Capricorn degree. Capricorn is known as the “father” in astrology, and it’s sister sign, Cancer is the “mother”. That said, he’s got a Capricorn stellium. A stellium is when someone has 3+ planets in a sign or house. Capricorns planetary ruler is Saturn, which is a planet of limitations, discipline, and rules. It’s disciplinarian, and authoritarian hence why the planet Saturn and the sign of Capricorn is associated with the “Father”. So that’s where “Zaddy Zayn” comes from. Plus, 22 degrees is a powerful degree. It is a degree associated with authority. 

Lastly, his Sun sextiles Pluto in a tight orb and Sun sextile Pluto is responsible for someone being “magnetic”. With the Plutonic influence on his MC, this explains why the Media/GP sees him the way they do. Zayn Malik is a man about his business thanks to all the Capricorn influence in his chart. He is a man who has mastered the art of power without words. He is a man of beauty. He possesses such rich beauty in himself physically, that he projects it outwards in everything he creates. Whether this is artwork, poems, music, or his writing.

Add. Info

Venus Dominated Men like to make their surroundings beautiful and create beautiful things because they have been blessed with creativity. While they are aware of the beauty they possess, they’d rather not have the spotlight on them. They are more focused on making beautiful things. Claire Nakti said in her video on Venus Dominated men, masculine individuals have smaller eyes and feminine individuals have eyes that are bigger.. This is because of the Sun and Moon. The Sun is masculine, the Moon is feminine. The sun projects light onto all of humanity and projects light onto the moon. That said, there doesn’t need to be a big window to project light. The moon receives light from the sun, and lights up the night around her. Feminine individuals have bigger eyes because they draw in the energy of those who project light. 

[sablegear0]

My “Best Sketchbook”

An artist I follow on Twitter posted a general question; how old is your main/favourite OC and how have they changed since their inception? Suddenly I was possessed of the irresistible urge to dig up my old high school sketchbook, knowing that was where I first scribbled out the creature that would become Cat Toy. 

This sent me careening back over a decade into my memories as I flipped through what I privately hold is my “Best Sketchbook.” Allow me to explain in the form of a long-winded storytime blog... (lots of images and story under the cut!)

I found this particular book in a desk in the art room of my high school in maybe grade 10 or 11. Being a notorious stationery vulture, I was instantly tempted to claim it for my own. Realizing, however, that someone probably just forgot it, I waited until my next class to check and see if it was still there. Sure enough, it was. It was already beat up and the first page had been used, but the rest was blank and it was clearly abandoned. So... I adopted it.

(Here’s the drawing on the first page, kept out of respect for the original owner. Signed, even, but I never found anyone by that name. FWIW, if you somehow bumble across this blog and recognize this marker drawing from high school, this is where your sketchbook ended up!)

Anyway, this sketchbook went everywhere with me, in and out of school. This was also around the time I discovered felt-tip pens were far superior to ball-points and was in the habit of doing my lineart with them. Naturally this book became full and festooned with felt-tip scribblings and sketches in both black and coloured pen. 

But it wasn’t just sketches. I did everything in this book. I’m talking writing, both personal and for school. I found snippets of original stuff, old fanfic, and notes for school projects, written in all different colours in shockingly level lines despite the blank paper. The fic snippets even had messy “illuminated” first letters because why not.

There was finished art, unfinished art, doodles, geometric scribbles, song lyrics, in-jokes from my friends, everything in this sketchbook. It was a mess, comparatively, to my usual books full of finished drawings. But, frankly that’s what I miss the most about it.

(Name that song! Also horse and cubes from prior image on the reverse side)

(Still plan to redo this guy some day^. He’d look fantastic in digital form)

(Literal bugbear)

Something about the found, scrappy nature of this notebook made it a magical place where I could just put anything, professionalism, degree of finished-ness, technique, media, or sensibility be damned. (Notably there also exists a contemporary sketchbook of finished/refined pieces, so this wasn’t my only outlet at the time!) To this day I struggle to recapture that freeform magic. I’ve tried, but the fact is I can’t break away from the idea that a sketchbook is reserved for finished pieces (or attempts at finished pieces) only.

Maybe it was because this was high school, and I was drawing openly, so it became a kind of canvas for my friends’ thoughts as well as my own. Maybe I’ve grown up in the “wrong” direction and need to work on breaking out of strict habits. I don’t know. But I remember this mess fondly because it was something uniquely free.

By the way, since you can see him on the back page of the previous image, here’s Original Cat Toy

As you can see his design hasn’t changed much into the present. I’ve dropped the half-and-half “skeletal”/mitten paws, preferring the skeletal look because they’re easier to pose and more expressive. But beyond that, he’s remained pretty much unchanged. Why mess with perfection, right?

I don’t really know if there’s a takeaway from this. I guess it would be that you don’t need to feel constrained to refined, “finished” art in a single book. Art is whatever the hell you want it to be, and a notebook is just paper. Put whatever you want on it, however you want. Make it messy, use different media (not pictured, but there are a couple pages where I used India Ink because that’s what was available in art class). 

I know It can be hard to designate a book to wreck. Currently I have a few different pads/sketchbooks (mainly for different paper types) and an actual journal for daily stuff, I rarely write fic by hand anymore. Maybe I need a change.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this weird slice of my creative history with the internet. Hopefully there’s something inspiring or liberating about it to you. Until next time!

[retrorealeyes]

stomachache

sdfjsdkfhsk I don’t know what this is going to be. I quit twitter so I could stop being addicted and do better in school but nooooo I need attention/my words in the public eye

I have a fucking headache, fucking stomache overall I’m not doing well. (this maybe because I woke up 3 hours ago and I still haven’t eaten because i’m avoiding mother you will see below)

“Why?”

Because my mom saw my BEN SHAPIRO RAPE ART. (to clarify it was post rape or whatevr idk if it even implied rape, but there were naked people,no sex but it was implied to be about sex and not like “anotomy” or something so I cna’t play it off)

“What?” or maybe even “WHAAAAAAAT?????!!!”

Basically it was a joke with a twitter friend, I made of my own accord randomly. Lewd thing’s include

-ben shapiro has no pants

-ben shapiro has his GIANT DICK OUT (2 balls, probably not accurate, basically no references, but it’s obvious it’s a penis,no matter how crude)

-there’s a girl lying in front of him, basically naked, the outline of her showing (tits) touching his dripping dick

-there’s another girl, lying with her butt facing the outside of the drawing

None of it is “detailed or accurate” it was drawn as a joke. But it doesn’t matter. It’s NSFW and my mom had TIME to examine it and whatever other words are on the notepad. I hid it now so I can’t look at it but there’s that. And she wants to talk ABOUT IT.

Also to clarify we’re Indian which is relevant information because it tells you the following:

-we’ve literally never discussed sex,etc. she just lets the school teach me

-i “shouldn’t knwo this stuff” even though I should

-very conservative even if she votes democrat

-etc. etc.

-and ‘m not doing well in school so obviously she has full eprmission to be mad at me over anything EVEN IF IT WAS THE NOTEPAD I LITERALLY WROTE ALL MY HTOUGHTS IN AND LEFT OUT (not to the ben shapiro page) TRUSTING HTEM NOT TO SNOOP BECAUSE I’D SEVERAL TIMES RECENTLY TOLD EHR AND MY DAD NOT TO SNOOP BUT NO SHE DOESN’T CARE THAT I LITERALLY CAN’T TRUST HER WITH MY STUFF EVER AND THIS IS WHY (not this exactly but my parent’s oppressive take to parenting and my dad’s angry outburts have definetly contributed largely) I CAN’T OPEN UP TO THEM OR MY FRIENDS OR ANYBODY,,,, EVER

-i’ve primarily learnt that shit from the internet, though very accurately, I don’t want my internet access taken away because a.school b. I kinda NEED it

SO obviously I have to lay it off as a. just a joke b. not talk about it because she was snooping (which makes me seem suspicious) c. say I drew it LONG AGO and AS A JOKE d. ignore it until she forgets/realizes she cna’t question me on it (v. hard lot’s of avoiding, will probably take away my interent) or even e. I drew it intentionally to see if she’d noop, but tthat takes away my moral high ground because now it’s bait that I left out + she’ll catch my bluff

It’s possible i acted macho enough in the morning when she asked me about it, she’ll leave me and my burgeoning sexuality alone (I’M KIDDING IT WAS A JOKE NOT A HORNY THING I STG). Plus she’s nosy as fuck (as evidenced) so probably not. Plus she stole my computer after I did that, while I lay in bed, so she’s gonna be petty.

SO I guess I’ll avoid her and play up the macho (b.) and fall onto a variation combination of b& c if she presurizes me + if further pressurized uphold my moral high ground in draiwng hta t(it’s normal, a joke, it’s my stupid head pad, we learned shit in shcool) nad the fact she shouldn’t have snooped. If she asks what it is I’ll say somehting like “”naked people,, I’ve seen people draw >boy parts< in shcool as a joke”

(this story ft. the first line of CaliforM.I.A. from Black Friday)

PLUSPLUSPLUS I should be doing my hw but all my supplies except my lapttop are outside my rooma nd my mom HAD to go snoop on my NSFW ABSOLUTELY FUCKIGN SHITTY JOKE ART so I’m oretty stuck

plus I cna’t go on twitter so I have no outlet

plus i stayed in bed because mom woke we up wiht that real nice line, “I saw your art, we need to talk about it” (I forgot where this point was going but, yeah)

I need to change into normal clothes

I’m hungry

I skipped my first class just becuase I--- couldn’t after that WONDERFUL morning and last evening (which I don’t have the will to elaborate on, just assume I didn’t sleep well and that yesterday was similarly but not excessively shitty)

My crush (who I haven’t messaged back for two weeks, yes I have AVOIDANT TENDENCIES and there was no reason to avoid it i’m just a frigging bitch and YES I do hate myself I’m actually really fucking sorry and my parents [it’s implied he hasa crush back so that’s nice] would never let me date him but we can dream or whatever)  called me last night apparently (I didn’t see it) and left the messgae “>:(” (jokingly) so I’m tempted to apologize and send the art i drew of him (luckily I have pictures on my comp. before my mom took my ohone away) as a sort of “will this do as sacrifice lol” IDK I’M BIG DUMB DUMB, YEAH?

i’m doing shitty in school

help

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

school

i have no motivation

I HAVE ALL FS AND I’M INDIAN DO Y’ALL KNOW HOW PRECARIOUS MY SITUATION IN BECAUSE IDFK WHAT I’M DOING

there were a few otehr things but honestly i forgot, mayeb they were like “i’ve been avoiding clubs, friends, etc. and i’m still not able to do well in school”

and i’m hella thirsty (source of the headache + my stress i believe) but i refuse to go down :disappointed face emoji:

sorry for the incessant spelling errors, this is literally a freaked out tired rant. I’m going on a walk now which involves going out of my bedroom and passing mother dearest so Imma be fuckign sick. SOrry if you read this mess this far. I hope YOU’RE having a good day, because i’m NOT.

hErE cOmE tHe fUcKiNg wOlVeS (I hear y dad go downstairs and i don’t think he’s seen IT because he claims, “I’ll never snoop if you tell  me not to” but guess what? he still keeps trying snoop. so it’ll be hella worse if he has. I thought my lil sister was down but she’s up so I guess I don’t have protection from confrontation any way)

also ft. freaking out by the wrecks (proabbly) though that was mainly wednesday (2 days ago, also when I did no hw despit eit being a free day and quit twitter though I still need a coping mechanism and look where THAT got me (addicted to journaling, scrolling tiwtter and saving tweets instead of liking htem so nobody knows I’m there adn TUMBLR))

[soysaucevictim]

Week 3. I’m... struggling.

-

May 1

I tried to get some sleep in after the all-nighter a bit before 9AM... “got up” around 3PM. This to mean I lied down and didn’t really get any proper sleep, because mind was racing about that project.

But resting was still okay. After I got back up and updated some logs, I did today’s exercise...

First, today’s DD. 50 squats with EC. Manageable, moderately aerobic work. One of the last things I did before things went pear-shaped...

I shortly after found out I lost a family member and I saw what happened. I’m not going to describe it here, for many reasons. But I’ve been dealing with the images and emotional pain since... I probably will in some fashion, for a long time.

Last, Day 13 of BREATH. “Feel“. Yoga was emotionally uncomfortable as hell... but I brought myself to the mat accepting that I was going in feeling extremely tender in that dept. Let’s just say there were some waterworks and a very real sense of survivor’s guilt. That’s all I’m going to say there.

I tried to deal with things with chatting and discretionary venting on Twitter...

I forced myself through another all-nighter to finish that sewing project. Fought against images and waves of intense emotions to keep going. I don’t think I would’ve succeeded at sleeping through the night anyways.

-

May 2

I tried to sleep again round 8AM - it was more just physical rest till like 10AM. Too restless.

Touched base on what happened with a family member. They were... all of us were... are distraught.

I had a more successful attempt at sleeping for a couple hours after that. Honestly, painful. But it was mutually beneficial and necessary. Probably made the nap easier.

Shortly after, I endeavored to get some working out done.

First, today’s DD. 50 climber taps with EC. Ngl, it took a little psyching myself up to get down and do this. As expected, really started feeling the abs in the last 10-20 reps.

Second, Day 14 of BREATH. “Space“. This was less emotionally fraught - even though there were moments wrapping up that I had twangs of sorrow. It’s too soon to let everything I’m going to need to go... but I imagine, there will be in the future. Too raw and in pain to manage that yet. I did like the back arch balance stands and toe stand moments, the most.

Last, Day 13 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Had phone on floor because it was all planks. My climbers ran at more of a jog than a sprint - but then again energy levels wasn’t up to that. The last 2 sets in particular that were the hardest.

Made dinner, did some dishes, chatted and started on that vent art of Virgil to help process things a little. I basically pulled another all-nighter.

-

May 3

I decided to let care team know about what happened with a local crisis unit/line, before trying to get some sleep.

I woke up proper around 3PM, I think this was modestly more restful.

After some of the usual... was both somewhat relieved and distressed when one of the family member’s friends called his phone. We were able to let his circle know what happened.

I then got to some exercise again.

First, today’s DD. 1′ elbow clicks with EC. I counted 74 reps by the end of the duration. Manageable and simple.

Second, Day 15 of BREATH. “Enter“. Despite walking into this having eaten a lot of wasabi peas - I  elected to do full planks and kept back knee raised for high lunge variations upon Adriene’s invitation to. It was nice getting into a sort of flow - gathering what we were going to do next before Adriene instructed a few times.

Last, Day 14 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. The squat hops were honestly the brutal part, today. Was tempted to not shoot for Level 3, but decided to anyways. Just glad I completed it, today.

Did some of the usual, made some dinner, and finished up that drawing.

I stayed up obscenely late, but not another all-nighter.

-

May 4

I woke up around 11AM.

Touched base with therapist on the phone. Made a mortuary appointment and asked family to help get me (and Dad) to that appointment later in the week.

Hit the showers, met some more family in person.

Did some of the usual before deciding to add, sort, and transfer the contents of my Anxiety Box into Virgil’s jar. I also decided to start filling the Patton jar with some things I was grateful for. I think this was helpful.

I dusted off Facebook for the first time in like years. Saw that his friends have been pouring condolences onto his page. I was pretty disconnected from his circle of friends... wound up adding many of the ones I recognized hearing about. This was a painful straddle between gratefulness and sorrow.

Had to field another call on his phone. That hurt too. I kind of wished I could unlock it.

I then got going on my workouts, pretty late...

First, today’s DD. 1′ raised leg circles with EC (supine). I counted a total of 45 reps, reversing the direction at the 30″ mark. Doable despite needing to hold head up.

Second, Day 16 of BREATH. “Discipline“. This was an extremely chill day - focusing on extending and slowing down the breaths... definitely well-timed given how tiring/harrowing today has been.

Last, Day 15 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Just arm work, I’d say these days are amongst the easiest to get through. Again, good for energy levels.

I wound up in bed around the same time as yesterday.

-

May 5

I woke up around 11AM again.

I went to Seeking Safety Group again. I wanted and needed to be there. That’s all I’m going to say on that one.

Got home, almost dozing off. But spent all day and night hanging out with a local friend.

I did some dishes and made one of the Hello Fresh Meal. Creamy pesto grillng cheese ciabattas. Me and friend really enjoyed this one.

Among many things - I think sharing DWIT and the first half of “The Poisoner’s Handbook“ were some of the highlights.

We wound up talking the night away, despite it not being the best idea.

Oh well, the bed was made at that point.

-

May 6

So one of the first things I had to deal with was a morning dental appointment. It was a nice appointment, talked about things with discretion. I’m hoping it may get a tiny bit easier to talk about for it. (Obviously NOT oversharing to anyone and everyone.)

Grabbed some Starbucks and had to get frustrated with LogistiCare, in activating my return trip home. I was honestly getting close to collapse of exhaustion by the time it got to me. (Not going to blame anyone really... it was unfortunate for how bone tired I was.)

Got home and took a short nap, before the mortuary appointment.

I kind of didn’t want to - but after that, I was roped into seeing extended family. It  was nice but also further exhausting. But I will say that a highlight was being able to share with my great uncle a series about the Spanish Flu. He likes history stuff and learned a lot of new things about that situation - also was nice tying it in with his interest in stuff like the WW. (Also glad and was struck by all the observed parallels with, uh, what’s been happening with COVID. But I’ll leave it at that.)

Medical history and the like was a welcome distraction. Especially the fact that that great uncle was an interested party to share it to.

Got home again and spent some of the night on the usual and decided that I was only up for catching up on my DDs...

First, yesterday’s DD. 40 side bridges with EC. It was questionable, given sheer level of exhaustion. But I felt like catching up on SOME of my regimen anyways..

Last, today’s DD. 40 windshield with EC. Same thoughts about previous exercise.

Updated some logs and stuff before hitting the sack. In the green zone for once, yet again. I was just so profoundly exhausted at that point.

-

May 7

I woke up around 11AM.

One the first things I wound up doing was fielding a lot of phone calls to get other appointment-related affairs handled.

Spent some time on the usual and sketching an art idea out that I’m not sure I’ll flesh out just yet. It’s kind of detail-intensive.

Then, I decided to catch up on my exercise regimen.

First, today’s DD. 2′ bicep extensions with EC. I counted 155 reps by the end of it. Biceps felt pretty tired after that one, at that pace. But very doable.

(After watching some YouTube and whatnot...)

Second, Day 17 of BREATH. “Explore“. Man, was this intense on my quads for my energy levels today. But I tried my best to get through it as best as possible. I think the chair poses were especially intense.

Third, Day 18 of BREATH. “Center“. This was alright. I liked the calf raise hold stuff and a lot more of the chill stuff today. Warriors were okay. Still have a ways to go to pull off Crow Pose, but that is a challenging one, for sure.

(After a lot of usual stuff...)

Fourth, Day 16 of 1′HIIT. Level 3, 1′ rest. Intense, but I enjoyed the fact this was mostly jumping jacks. Think the twist jacks were the weirdest part. Got fairly winded by the end.

(After making/eating some dinner and watching some videos for that to settle...)

Last, Day 17 of 1′HIIT.Level 3, 1′ rest. A bit more strength-oriented leg work - what with the leg raises and lunges. Glad I didn’t have to worry too much about doing this in a semi-full stomach (butt kicks do some jostling but generally not as much as like high knees).

I spent some time watching/listening to videos and updating some logs after this.

I got to bed pretty late in the red again... but not an all-nighter.

[jawnkeets]

might sound weird but i've just read a lot of answers from your faq page and i feel like a brand new person (??). not trying to treat you as a self help weird book or whatever but your answers on how to concentrate and how you ceased doing things that did not compensate you as much as enjoying art and life does actually made you feel better. it probably was the last encouragement i needed to finally do the same, even if it feels like two steps back. it changed my mind. you're a sweet person. ty

part 2: do you use social medias like facebook, twitter, etc? and if yes, how often? also how often do you check your feed/timeline? i find myself getiing a little too anxious with social media and that definetely has making it hard for me to focus on books and other relevant things - the real world, one might say

part 3: whats the difference between the english course, classics and english and classics at oxford? sorry for my ignorance i am truly confused

hi anon, thanks so much for sending this, it means a lot. i’m glad it was somewhat useful ❤️

i use facebook, but only for messenger, and i don’t have twitter. i scroll through the instagram explore page maybe twice a day to look at architecture and fancy cupcakes (lol), and my tumblr usage varies from once or twice a day to much much too often... i know exactly what you mean, and for me the best way to combat this is a combination of putting my phone on the other side of the room and/ or on aeroplane mode so i’m not tempted to look at it, and consciously checking myself when i find myself absentmindedly picking it up (do you really need to? is there something you want to look at or is it just aimless scrolling? etc). i also don’t completely deny myself social media, because that can just lead to binge scrolling sessions, so i often say to myself ‘ok, you’ve picked it up and you can scroll through tumblr for exactly 10 minutes/ until the time gets to quarter to the hour/ until you find a post on your dashboard you want to reblog etc etc). then i’m disciplined and put it down. this has taken a lot of practice, but works best for me. i know some people use apps to help them - i believe there’s one called forest or something that plants trees the longer you stay off your phone?? i hope this helps 💖

ah no need to apologise!! english is a course that specifically focuses on literature written in english, from 650 to the present day. classics is the study of ancient greek and latin, and the culture/ philosophy of greece and rome. and in classics and english you combine them and do a bit of both! mostly studying them separately (i.e. taking some modules from classics and some modules from english), but sometimes with the chance to look at reception (e.g. how did a particular ancient greek work influence t. s. eliot?). if you do classics and english you can also just do one of the classical languages if you want to, rather than both 😊 also there’s a difference in when students do their exams - e.g. classics students have exams called mods that they do halfway through second year, whereas english and classics and english students do exams called prelims at the end of first year. and i’m pretty sure the classics course is four years, whereas the other two are three years.

have a nice day!!!!!