#so so so interesting and so so so tormented and conflicted and sad and abused

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Cult Girl (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 7

Sorry this took so long y'all. This chapter was difficult to write. Hannibal invites Theresa for dinner and y/n finally confronts her.

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide, child sex abuse; graphic descriptions of violence; confronting an abuser; body-shaming

The stitches in your cut hadn't even dissolved before Theresa intruded on your life again. Before you stormed out, Hannibal did in fact invite her to dinner. Polite society would rule the invitation null and void after that confrontation, but Theresa felt herself exempt from the laws of politeness. Like Evangelicals or craisins, Theresa loved to insert herself where she was clearly not wanted.

Of course, you were peeved at Hannibal for upholding the invitation when she called. But you could tell he had something planned. He was intrigued by her audacity and wanted to see how far it would take her. You couldn't begrudge him professional curiosity, as you too wondered what the fuck her problem was.

In truth, you saw what he did to your grandma, and you wanted to see him do it to Theresa. You wanted her subject to the same psychological torment that she put you through. And that, you realized, was why he honored that invitation. He wanted to vindicate you. And that was the sexiest damn thing you could possibly imagine.

Theresa showed up alone. That was her first mistake.

"Thank you for having me, Dr. Lecter." Theresa greeted, shedding her long coat and dropping it to the ground. "Will [F/N] be joining us?"

"[F/N] will most certainly be joining us." Hannibal said, his voice hardening. He noticed her coat in a pile on the floor and something in his head clicked.

"I hope I'm not overdressed." Theresa tossed her hair over her shoulders. 

She was. And you knew even before she showed up that she'd wear that green evening dress with the plunging neckline. It was the same one she wore to prom. She kept it as a memento all these years to memorialize the day she completely fucked you over. 

She was here to make history repeat itself. 

"Not all, Ms. [L/N]," Hannibal grinned, glancing at the staircase. "[F/N] is just touching up her makeup.”

“That sounds like [F/N].” Theresa laughed. “She always took the most time getting ready in the morning. And she was always the ugliest. It was quite sad, really.”  

Hannibal reminded himself what he had in store for Theresa before letting himself get angry. “If you could join me in the kitchen, I could use a little help with the appetizers.” 

Theresa took the bait and followed him through the threshold into the massive kitchen. 

“Could I trouble you for some psychological advice, Doctor Lecter?” She said, leaning against the island.

“That depends.” He answered, though the tone of his voice connoted a firm ‘no’. “Are you going to be honest with me?” 

Theresa mounted herself on top of the island and crossed her legs. “I’ve just been having quite a bit of trouble in my marriage.”

"Please get off my counter." Hannibal politely demanded. "I just sterilized it this morning."

“My husband just isn’t so excited by me anymore.” She pouted like a child. “He just doesn’t seem interested in... well, any of the things I have to offer him.” 

“Have you considered the possibility that you have nothing to offer?” You said. You approached them with purpose, the skirt of your purple dress fluttering behind you. Your favorite pair of strappy heels clacked against the tile and echoed through the room with every step. 

“[F/N] makes a valid point.” Hannibal agreed, taking you under his arm. “You’re an abusive narcissist, a serial adulterer, and you’re quite horrible at flirting. I certainly don’t understand what you could possibly have to offer.” 

“Nice to see you again, [F/N].” Theresa said, resigned to her defeat. “I didn’t want to say anything at the wedding, but you look like you’ve gained a few pounds.” 

You almost laughed. Growing up, Grandma had subjected you to every form of body-shaming known to man. Nothing Theresa could say would have any effect on you. 

“Really? Because I’ve never felt better in my life.” You smiled, knowing it to be true. “Hannibal is an amazing cook. You’d probably gain weight too if you were eating so well.” 

"Well, I have appearances to keep up." She refuted. "Gideon and I both have very busy schedules. Besides, he finds the kitchen more of a woman's domain."

"Unfortunate for you." Hannibal threw a dish towel over his shoulder and picked up a wine bottle by the neck. He kept his hands busy by pouring three glasses of wine. "That Gideon does not put in the time to keep you well-fed and fulfilled. Might I suggest not molesting children as a remedy?"

You snickered as he handed you a glass. You migrated to the dining table, where the trial was set to take place.

"Did you invite me here just to gang up on me?" Theresa leaned back in her chair. "Because if so, that's really mature."

"Of course not." You said, Hannibal pulling your chair out for you. You placed your napkin in your lap. "Well, maybe a little."

Theresa took a long sip of wine. "You're not going to get an apology if that's what you're after."

"Oh no." You shook your head. "I've stopped expecting basic human decency from you years ago."

"Good." Theresa huffed. "Since that's clearly what you want me to be, that's what I'll be."

"Don't give me that shit." You sighed. "I know what gaslighting is and you're not as good at it as you think."

"Y'know I never asked to be a parent figure to you and Anna." She crossed her arms.

"You may not have asked for it but you sure as hell enjoyed it." You countered, furrowing your brow. "Don't act like you weren't the dictator's right-hand man. You sucked up to grandma and always got preferential treatment."

"I was a kid." She shrugged. "You're really gonna blame me for the shit I did before my skull fully hardened?"

"Well, it exposes a way larger pattern of behavior." You explained. "You're a megalomaniac that wants power without responsibility. So you attach yourself to someone with power, probably another narcissist who's too self-involved to see what a leech you really are. It's what you did with grandma and it's what you're doing with Gideon."

Dressing Theresa down like that gave you a rush. It made you feel alive. But more importantly, it made her look small. It stripped her of her power.

"Well done, Sherlock." Theresa taunted. "But you're forgetting one thing. If I were a megalomaniac, why would I waste my time beating up on you? Some nobody with no power to speak of?"

"Because I'm a living reminder of your past." You narrowed your eyes. "I remind you that you can't just beat everyone into submission."

"Ladies," Hannibal interrupted, holding three bowls. He placed one in front of you, the savory broth enticing your nose. "This is pot-au-feu. It is a simple French stew made from beef, vegetables and potatoes. I added a marrow-bone for extra richness. It's the perfect combination of simplicity and substance."

You couldn't even wait for Hannibal to sit down. You'd been so hungry all day. Smelling the meat slowly braise over the course of the day was torturous. You went straight for the marrow, which was a recent favorite of yours.

Theresa picked the bone up between two fingers and dropped it onto the table, her face wrapped with disgust. "I think I'll pass. I'm not a dog."

"You are not." Hannibal said, spearing a piece of meat on his fork. "I find dogs much better company."

Theresa tented her fingers and glared at Hannibal. "So you're just going to let her rip into me? Aren't you supposed to be the professional here?"

"Don't discount [F/N]'s analysis just because she is a student." Hannibal glared back at her. "From what I know about you, she's dead on."

"Isn't this entire interaction a professional conflict of interest?" Theresa folded her arms. "I don't trust her to analyze me because she hates me."

Hannibal put his utensils down. Anger flashed across his face. "I don't think you quite understand what this interaction is. You are not owed an unbiased psychological profile, especially not from me. You are not my patient. You are [F/N]'s abuser."

Theresa narrowed her eyes and leaned over the table. "So if you understand that, why am I here?"

"You think very highly of your intelligence, Theresa." Hannibal glanced down at his dish. "Perhaps you can figure that one out yourself."

You coughed, narrowly avoiding choking on your food.

"Darling, please pace yourself." Hannibal instructed, though he seemed pleased with how enthusiastically you inhaled your meal. "You're going to make yourself sick if you eat too fast."

"I'm sorry." You said after taking a long sip of water. "I don't know why, I'm just so hungry today."

Hannibal dropped his eyebrows, looking worried. "Did you take your medicine this morning?"

"I think so." You nodded.

Theresa smiled and reached for her phone. The movement caught Hannibal's attention, and he could tell what she was up to right away.

"Theresa, it's very rude to text at the dinner table." He scolded, taking a sip of wine. "Surely, anything you're saying to your grandmother and Anna, you can say to us."

Theresa, too proud to back down, slipped her phone into her purse and met your eyes. "You're pregnant."

"Brilliant fucking deductive reasoning." You rolled your eyes. "A woman gains a little weight and has a healthy appetite? That's the only logical conclusion I would draw."

"Well, aren’t we defensive?" Theresa taunted. "Congratulations, by the way."

"Theresa, stop it." You gritted your teeth, trying not to convey how pissed you were.

"You're going to need to drop out of school to take care of the baby full time." Theresa sneered.

You knew exactly where she was taking this and you wanted more than anything to just disappear. You reached for the wine bottle and refilled your glass. "Shut up, Theresa. Shut the fuck up before you say something you'll regret."

Her face lit up from the satisfaction of finally making you angry. "And someday you'll blow your brains out just like your mother!"

This time, she would regret it. You chucked the empty wine bottle across the table. It hit her directly in the face with a deafening crunch before ricocheting off the table and shattering on the ground.

Theresa brought her finger to her nose, noticing the stream of blood trickling from her nostril. She stood up, stabilizing herself with the back of the chair.

"I didn't think you had it in you." She jabbed before collapsing to the ground.

You went silent, too afraid to look at Hannibal.

"For what it's worth, darling." Hannibal piped up. "I always knew that you did."

[punprincess321]

Mchanzo Sleeping Beauty

This is LOOOONG so be prepared...

Once upon a time in a land far far away, there was a beautiful and vast kingdom ruled by two kings, King Jack Morrison and King Gabriel Reyes.

The two had united their kingdoms many years ago when Gabriel's son was still an infant, unfortunately both queens had died, Gabriel had only one heir and Jack feared the worst, when the two met it was like love at first sight, the two were married and Gabriel's son became heir to the throne of the entire kingdom. Jack and Gabriel were conquerors, they would take down tyrannical monarchies and put better more trusted leaders in their place, this system made them loved across the land, along with their 17 year old son.

Prince Jesse was wild like most teenagers, he was mischievous and quite a headache for the palace workers but he was still kind and compassionate, he helped out in any way he could around the kingdom and would give his best hunting prizes to families who needed the fur and meat. This kindness mixed with Jesse's roguish looks made him the most desired bachelor in all the land but Jesse never showed any interest in the countless princesses that flocked to his door, Jesse may have been handsome and beloved, but he still felt lonely, women didn't appeal to him but yet no man had caught his eye either.

One day the kings got word of a kingdom who had terrible rulers, they abused their subjects, stole from their allies and it was believed that they were involved in the dark arts of sorcery and occult rituals. Jack and Gabriel readied their armies and left for the Shimada empire.

Many months passed until the kings returned, the kingdom rejoiced at their return and Jesse ran out of the castle to greet his fathers, behind them was a medley of prisoners, all to either be thrown into the dungeon or executed in town square. As Jesse watched the prisoners walk through the crowd, getting pummeled by trash and rotten produce, one prisoner caught his attention, a man with long black hair and a large blue dragon tattoo on his left arm, he appeared to be Jesse's age, around 17 to 18, and was quite strong, the man looked scared and confused by what the people were doing. Jesse stared at the man feeling his heart race, he wanted him as his own.

The prisoners were brought into the throne room where Jack and Gabriel judged the severity of the punishment they would receive. One by one, the prisoners were divided into groups of ones to be executed and those who would be imprisoned, Jesse stood by and watched the spectacle, they soon reached the one with the tattoo, Jesse looked at his fathers to learn their answer, hoping that he would only be a prisoner, Gabriel stood. "You were the one who attacked my beloved unprovoked when attempting to make an agreement to avoid the mutiny that occurred, for this act you will be beheaded." He announced.

Jesse saw the fear in the man's eyes, like he had no idea what he did would result in a public execution, Jesse couldn’t let this happen and ran to his dad. "Father wait!" Jesse exclaimed. "This man seems to be conflicted about something, let him speak of his actions." He requested, Jack and Gabriel looked at their son then at each other before Gabriel turned back to the man. "Very well, explain yourself to us." He demanded.

A guard pushed the man forward and he looked down at his feet. "I only did as my king father told me, he ordered me to kill on sight, no matter what you say." The man explained, Jack leaned forward. "Your father is king of the Shimada empire?" He asked, the man nodded and held his head high. "I am Hanzo Shimada, loyal son and servant of my family's empire." He replied, this man didn’t look anything like a prince, his hair was matted in dirt and his clothes looked like that of rags, the only way they knew he was honest was the royal crest branded on his right shoulder, not much was known about the Shimada empire, but it was said that royal offspring had their symbol branded on their bodies.

The two kings looked between one another, unsure of what to do with the son of their enemy, Jesse was staring at Hanzo with great interest, Hanzo noticed and attempted to cover his body with his long hair, Jack and Gabriel took notice and made the decision with a nod between them.

"You will serve as concubine to our son." Gabriel announced, Jesse looked both surprised and pleased with this decree, Hanzo on the other hand looked terrified, he knew what happened to concubines if they didn't serve their purpose. The sentencing concluded and Hanzo was dragged away to be prepared for his new position.

-

Hanzo had to be held down as he was bathed, clothed and done up for the prince, the handmaidens made numerous comments about how his hair looked like it had never been combed once and he reeked of a pigsty, Hanzo didn't understand why they mentioned it.

After nearly two hours, Hanzo was ready, he had been covered in sweet smelling oils and was dressed in tight blue silks covered with silver dust, his hair had been braided and decorated with sapphires, his ears had been pierced and platinum and sapphire earrings adorned his lobes, platinum anklets and bracelets shimmered in the candlelight of the room and an aquamarine and sapphire necklace wrapped around his neck tightly. Hanzo looked in the mirror and was shocked, in all his life he never knew what he looked like clean and done up, he actually began to smile until he remembered why he was dressed like this.

Hanzo was escorted to the prince's chambers, the door slammed closed behind him and Hanzo suddenly felt afraid again, luckily the prince was not there yet so he had time to attempt escape, Hanzo ran to the window thinking he could jump out and escape but he was in a tower and the jump would be suicide, he tried the door but it was locked, Hanzo fell to his knees losing hope, he knew his fate as a concubine was to be the royal whore for a couple months, the prince would tire of him and he would be killed, he would have preferred execution over this torment.

The door soon opened and Jesse walked in, he saw Hanzo looking absolutely gorgeous and absolutely defeated, he walked over, knelt down and cupped his concubine's cheek. "Why are you so sad darlin'? Your life has been spared." He said with a smile, Hanzo sneered and slapped Jesse's hand away. "For only a few measly months and only to be your whore…" He spat, Jesse was surprised but his smile returned before he chuckled and stood up straight. "That was not my decision, it was my parents', I don’t wish to exploit you for sexual pleasure or to take your life in such a short time.”

Hanzo looked confused as Jesse helped him to his feet. “I’m in love with you Hanzo Shimada and I want to prove this to you, I will treat you like a king, even if you don't love me back I wish to win your heart no matter how long it takes.” Jesse proclaimed, Hanzo was understandably shocked by this brazen confession, he felt his cheeks heat up from how flustered he was and it only got worse when Jesse kissed his hand. “Come, let’s toast to new friends.” He said, he poured them some goblets of wine and handed Hanzo one, Hanzo blushed and slowly sipped the wine.

It took a couple more cups before the two were buzzed, Hanzo was sitting in front of the fireplace with Jesse and slowly sipping his twelfth cup, at first the wine was just social lubricant but Hanzo kept requesting more, Jesse was only on his fifth and was only slightly buzzed but Hanzo was wasted, trying to sit up straight and keep a coherent sentence. “I think you’ve had enough darlin’.” Jesse said as he took away the goblet, Hanzo whined and tried to reach for his cup but fell flat on his face, Jesse helped him back up but Hanzo tried to pull away, thinking Jesse was trying to make a move on him, only to fall back onto the floor, he ended up falling asleep before he could even attempt to get back up, Jesse chuckled and picked the man up before putting him in the bed. “Goodnight my treasure~” He said softly, he took Hanzo’s hand and kissed it before getting into bed himself, he kept his body turned away from Hanzo to avoid accidentally touching him and disturbing his sleep.

-

The next day Hanzo woke up with a splitting headache and no memory from last night except for having a couple drinks, Jesse holding him and him pushing away before passing out, he finally sat up and noticed he was still in Jesse’s room, in Jesse’s bed but the prince wasn't in the room, the mattress was extremely soft and so were the pillows and blankets, much softer than home… Hanzo looked down expecting to be naked but surprisingly he was still in the outfit from yesterday, suddenly the door opened and a maid came in holding a tray. “Good morning sir, his highness prince Jesse asked me to bring you breakfast.” She said as she set down the tray, Hanzo was stunned by the kind treatment but accepted the breakfast and began to eat.

After finishing breakfast, Hanzo was led by some handmaidens to take a bath and change his clothes, the handmaidens complimented Hanzo’s hair and how beautiful it was now that it was cleaned, Hanzo blushed at the compliments before he was put into a red silk outfit and decorated with gold and ruby jewelry.

Jesse entered the room just as Hanzo finished getting his hair done, he smiled and walked over to his concubine. “You look as beautiful as yesterday.” The prince said sweetly, Hanzo blushed as Jesse took his hand and kissed it. “T-thank you your highness…” He replied softly. "Not that I don't appreciate it but why do I have to wear these clothes?"

Hanzo's outfits had been rather provocative so far, tight fitting and rather revealing, Jesse chuckled. "You're considered my concubine in the eyes of the staff and all concubines must be appealing to the eye if they're seen in public, honestly you're already eye catching without all the glamorous accessories." He replied, Hanzo blushed at the compliment, he didn't understand the prince at all, did he not know what a concubine was?

Hanzo allowed Jesse to lead him into the gardens, he was still weary of the prince’s intentions and didn’t fully believe the heartfelt confession he made yesterday, he also had no idea what happened last night and if the prince violated him or not, they were sitting by the fountain and Jesse was going on and on about random things from sword fighting to his art lessons, Hanzo just listened, sometimes adding in a correction of proper weapon use, but he honestly had nothing else to say, he may have been a prince like Jesse but his early life was far different. All of a sudden Jesse walked over to a rose bush, pulled off a flower then plucked all the thorns off the stem before returning to Hanzo’s side and putting the flower in his hair. “Just as beautiful as you~” He said softly, Hanzo blushed and sheepishly thanked Jesse for the flower.

Hanzo was then brought to the library, there was enough books to build an entire mansion by the looks of it, Hanzo gazed in amazement. "I've never seen so many books before…" He said still in awe, Jesse chuckled. "Would you like to read one?" He asked, Hanzo looked confused. "Read them? I thought they were only meant for decoration…"

Jesse looked at Hanzo in shock. "You've never read a book before?" He questioned, Hanzo shook his head, Jesse looked displeased before taking Hanzo's hand and leading him into the library. "That needs to change, there's amazing stories and mountains of knowledge to be discovered in books, I can't believe you never knew about this." He explained, Hanzo was then sat on a couch as Jesse walked over to a bookshelf, he picked out five books and brought them over. "These were some of my favorites when I was younger, I'm sure you'll find one of them interesting."

Hanzo looked at the small pile before grabbing the one on top, it had a picture of a dragon on it so he was initially curious. Hanzo opened the book and his eyes lit up. "There's words and pictures in here! What does it say!?" Hanzo asked in excitement, looking at Jesse.

Jesse gave him a confused look. "You can't even read? Your parents never taught you?" He questioned, Hanzo shook his head. "They said schooling wasn't important for battle, I don't even know how to write." He explained, Jesse looked horrified. "I'm schooling you myself! No one should be deprived of knowledge!" He exclaimed.

-

As time went on, Jesse showed Hanzo how to read and write, Hanzo took to reading a lot and Jesse had some servants bring some of the books Hanzo liked most to their room. Hanzo really began to appreciate the prince's kindness and the more time they spent together learning, practicing fighting techniques or just hanging around the castle, Hanzo found himself falling in love with Jesse, he was so sweet and didn't treat him like a concubine, he was just there, a man who the prince wanted to be around, Hanzo was also given the option of less revealing clothes opposed to the ones he was made to wear, he was quite happy about that although he did keep wearing the jewelry and getting his hair done.

One night Hanzo was reading in Jesse's room by the fireplace when Jesse came and joined him, Hanzo raved about everything happening in the story when he noticed Jesse was just smiling at him, the flames from the fire reflecting in his eyes, Hanzo didn't even take time to process what he was doing before he and Jesse's lips connected, when they parted Jesse was still smiling. "I've been wanting to do that for a long time~" He said softly, Hanzo blushed and looked away shyly. "Jesse…. Thank you… nobody has ever been so kind to me, I would have died if it wasn't for you and I…. I think I love you too." He replied in a quiet voice, Jesse cupped Hanzo's cheek and kissed him again, the kiss lasted much longer as Hanzo wrapped his arms around the prince.

When the two parted once again, Jesse reached into his pocket and pulled out a platinum and sapphire ring. "Marry me Hanzo, I promise that I will always be with you and make you the happiest man on earth if you become my bride." He requested, Hanzo smiled and held out his hand to accept the ring, Jesse smiled and slipped it onto his beloved's finger before they kissed again. Unknown to the two lovers, a dark presence was watching from the shadows.

-

The kingdom celebrated their prince's engagement, even Jack and Gabriel were thrilled by the news, Hanzo was deemed a member of the royal court and had extensive knowledge of his family's magic uses, not many knew the uses or strength of the dark arts but Hanzo was able to fill in the blanks, the weeks leading up to the wedding were full of excitement as Jesse taught Hanzo how to dance while they planned their big day.

But meanwhile, Hanzo's family was watching. They had escaped the castle before the army burst in, they had left Hanzo and their soldiers to die so they could run off to their fortress in the mountains.

They had planned to retake their kingdom with the help of their prince but now Hanzo had turned against them, he had learned… Hanzo now understood what was being done to him in his family's empire wasn't right, being forced to wear rags, being made sleep in a shack next to the pig pen in the courtyard, being refused an education, proper food or basic hygiene wasn't right and this was all thanks to Jesse, he gave Hanzo everything he could ever possibly want and more, he showed him that those who cared about and loved him wouldn't make him live like a peasant.

The Shimada family had to watch all of this from their spying spells, every book Jesse gave, every meal Jesse served, every gentle kiss he placed on Hanzo's hand, it had unraveled their entire life's work, they wanted Hanzo to remain an obedient soldier who wouldn't question anything even when he took the throne but all that was gone and it was all thanks to the prince.

They. Wanted. Revenge.

The wedding was now in five days and the couple finally had time to unwind, Jesse left on his horse for his usual hunting trip in the forest, he waved goodbye to Hanzo who was at the castle gates and waving back.

Jesse arrived in the forest and looked around for a good target, he saw it in mere seconds, a female deer. Jesse gently kicked his horse and they gave chase after the animal, unaware how deep into the forest he was going. When they finally caught up to the deer, it was stopped in a clearing and was just staring at him, Jesse was confused by this and got off his horse to investigate, he slowly walked closer to the deer when it suddenly turned into a snake, this scared Jesse's horse and it ran off into the woods, Jesse was about to follow suit but the snake jumped and bit him on the hand, Jesse yelped in pain and looked at his hand and then at the snake, his vision began to blur, he couldn't stand up straight, the last thing Jesse saw before he collapsed was the snake taking the form of a woman.

Jesse laid motionless on the ground, the sorceress laughed maniacally at the effectiveness of her poison, she then said an incantation the clearing began to be surrounded with brambles and thorns of any kind, she quickly made her escape from the cage and placed a guardian by the prison before vanishing.

It had now been four days since Jesse left and Hanzo was still waiting for him to return which was odd, Jesse had been gone so long and their big day was tomorrow. Hanzo soon noticed Jesse's horse running into the kingdom and towards the castle, Jesse was finally back!

Hanzo ran down to the courtyard where the horse was to greet his fiancé but to his shock, Jesse was not on the horse, Hanzo immediately had a bad feeling, if Jesse had been gone this long and only his horse had returned, something had gone wrong. "Bring me a horse, sword and my bow!" He demanded, the stable workers nodded and fetched Hanzo what he needed, Hanzo immediately snatched the weapons, got onto his horse and rode towards the forest, he reached the edge of the trees and felt a strange aura around it, something wicked had been casted in the forest… Hanzo was about to head in when suddenly…

"Stop boy."

Hanzo froze when he heard the voice, he turned around and there was his grandfather, along with his uncles. "What are you all doing here?" He spat, his grandfather smirked. "We're here to bring you home, where you belong." He replied, Hanzo glared at him. "I am home grandfather, and I'm going to find where my fiancé is so if you'll excuse me-"

"There's no need to boy, he's gone."

Hanzo snapped back to his grandfather. "What do you mean?" He asked, venom dripping from his words, the elder snapped his fingers and a crystal ball appeared, it showed Jesse in the clearing, laying as if he were dead, his hand bleeding from the snake bite. "The poison was sleeping death, he'll never wake up, he's gone Hanzo."

Hanzo's eyes filled with tears, he couldn't believe it… He basically lost the person who saved him from death in more ways than one… Hanzo wanted to sob but he let out this agonizing scream, it was so loud that the crystal ball shattered, Hanzo then drew his bow and shot his grandfather in the heart before he grabbed his sword to battle his uncles, Hanzo showed no mercy for his family, the ones that tormented and abused him were shown the horror of what they created, a ruthless warrior that could only be stopped by death. “YOU DID THIS! YOU COULDN’T STAND ME BEING HAPPY AND YOU SENTENCED HIM TO DEATH! YOU’RE ALL MONSTERS!” He screamed in anger.

Hanzo eventually bailed out of the fight and ran into the forest, he couldn't leave Jesse there to die alone and forgotten. The cage of thorns was soon in sight and Hanzo made a break for it only to be stopped once more but by a dragon, the guardian the sorceress had placed there. Hanzo was not fazed by the creature and immediately slashed at it but his last few uncles had followed him so he had to dodge arrows left and right but they managed to hit the dragon, this weakened the monster significantly and as Hanzo finished off his treacherous family, he was able to make one last quick slash at the dragon's neck.

The dragon laid slain at Hanzo's feet but Hanzo was not satisfied yet, he passed the creature's corpse and began to cut down the brambles, when he finally managed to make himself an entrance he looked inside, there laying in the light that came through the top of the cage was Jesse, Hanzo dropped his weapons and ran to him, he held his lover in his arms and cried. "I'm sorry Jesse… this is all my fault… My love is what killed you..." He whispered, brushing hair out of his fiancé's face, he gently kissed Jesse's lips as one final act of love before holding him close and crying. Suddenly, Hanzo felt a hand brush away his tears. 

"Darlin'... why are you crying?..."

Hanzo gasped and looked at Jesse and saw his eyes were open and he had a weak smile on his face, Hanzo cried even more and hugged Jesse tightly. "You're awake! I thought I lost your forever!" He sobbed, Jesse hugged Hanzo back and kissed his cheek. "I would never leave you darlin', I made a promise to you." He said softly, Hanzo smiled and kissed Jesse again.

Hanzo and Jesse returned to the kingdom, Jesse was a little weak from his five day sleep so he leaned on Hanzo’s shoulder as they rode home on his horse. “How did you manage to wake me up? You explained to the court that the sleeping death spell was unbreakable, how did you free me?” He asked, Hanzo thought for a moment before realizing the answer. “It was when I kissed you, I remember my parents talked about it near me once and only the kiss of a person you loved that loved you back could wake you.” He explained, Jesse smiled and kissed Hanzo’s cheek. “I knew you were the one the moment I saw you." He said happily.

The next day was the wedding and as expected it was beautiful, Hanzo was dressed in a glittering white and royal blue suit with a golden diamond and sapphire crown which had a veil attached to it, Jesse wore a red suit with gold trim and his golden ruby crown sat proudly atop his head, after the ceremony the reception happened in town square, several chefs and bakers in the kingdom helped the castle kitchen staff prepare the feast for everyone in the city. Hanzo danced with his husband and some villagers having the time of his life but the best part was before the celebration ended, a group of soldiers marched into the middle of the party with the last members of Hanzo’s family in chains.

Hanzo smirked, when he and Jesse had returned to the castle yesterday he told Jack and Gabriel what his family had done, he also told them where the mountain fortress was since he knew that’s where they hid. Jack and Gabriel immediately sent some soldiers to arrest the ones who attempted to kill their son.

Hanzo stood up from his seat next to Jesse looking proud. “Hello everyone, I am so glad you made it to my wedding, however you will not be staying much longer after what you have done, the only person who deserves my pity is my brother Genji and I will be giving him the proper family life he deserves that we never received, with the blessing of my husband and fathers in-law, I sentence you to death.” He announced, he motioned for the soldier holding Genji to step forward, Hanzo took his little brother and held him close while the rest of their treacherous family was dragged away while being booed at by the crowd and pelted with food.

Jesse smiled at his husband and introduced himself to Genji who looked weary but Hanzo knew with a little time he would be okay, just like he was.

THE END

[waiting4inspiration]

Darkness before Dawn II: Secrets come Out

Summary: While Uza accuses you of planning this entire thing, more secrets come to light

Warnings: mentions of abuse, strong language, mentions of blood, angst, family conflict, mentions of infidelity

Word Count: 2,588

Darkness before Dawn Masterlist II The Witcher Masterlist

Dominic is shocked and confused as he replays Geralt’s words in his head. A murmur falls over the room and he looks over to Charlotte who now stands along with Uza. He shakes his head and glances back down at you. “But Charlotte is my firstborn…” he drifts off, his face falling in realization as he slowly turns his body around to face his wife. 

Uza swallows deeply as her eyes grow wide in fear. Your eyes flicker between your mother and father as you continue to clutch your wounded arm to your chest. Geralt stares at Charlotte and begins to notice how she has no resemblance to the king. Uza’s gaze falls on you and she slowly begins to walk around the table. “How dare you insinuate such things and stage this entire thing so you can take the throne from your sister!” she shouts, your body going tense as you take in a deep breath and shift slightly back. 

“No. Mother, I swear. I didn’t,” you say. And when Geralt looks back down at you, he finds you trembling with fear as your mother walks closer to you, your head shaking profoundly as you look at her with fear in your eyes. Almost the same kind of fear he saw when you were attacked. 

Uza shakes her head and balls a hand into a fist as she steps as close to you as Dominic is. “Lies. You hired someone to make it seem like you are the firstborn daughter,” she yells, forgetting that there is a crowd in her presence and raises her arm. 

You whimper and cower behind your wounded arm. Dominic quickly grabs his wife’s arm and Geralt raises his sword so that it shields you from any assault Uza had in mind. “Enough,” Geralt growls, moving so that he stands beside you and holds the sword out in front of him, still pointed at your mother. 

Uza’s eyes snap towards Dominic as he pushes her arm away and steps closer to her. “You have been raising your hand against my daughter?” he questions, Uza stepping back as her hands grip the skirts of her dress in guilt. “How could you? My own flesh and blood.”

“She’s my daughter too,” Uza spits back, making you flinch at the harshness of her words and pulling Geralt’s attention back to you again. 

Geralt looks over to Jaskier and nods his head to you, silently asking him to help you out of the room.

Jaskier slings the lute over his back and rushes forward, breaking the harsh stare Dominic has on Uza and he glances around the crowd staring in shock at the drama happening among the royal family. “Everyone, piss off. Now,” Dominic orders. And no one even thinks to hesitate because of the murderous look in the king’s eyes. 

You turn your head to Jaskier who kneels down beside you and find yourself smiling when he smiles at you. “May I be of some assistance in escorting you to your chambers, princess?” he whispers, holding out his hand as a peaceful gesture to you. 

“I would like that,” you whisper back, placing your hand in his and letting him help you stand to your feet. 

Your mother glares at Jaskier as he helps you stand. You’ve actually known Jaskier for a long time and have become good friends over time. Your mother doesn’t like that you mingle with a bard and has tried to keep you away from him. But somehow, he always manages to sneak in and spend time with you when he’s in the kingdom. 

Geralt notices the way you’re not afraid to touch Jaskier or let him touch you. And it is touches that tell him that you two are more than just acquaintances. He turns in an attempt to follow you, to make sure whatever attacked you doesn’t come back. But the king snaps his fingers, making the three of you freeze and turn back around to face him. 

“You three will stay,” Dominic says, your gaze shifting to Jaskier who gives a nervous gulp because of the way the queen continues to glare at him. “Charlotte, leave.”

“As future queen, I wish to-”

“I said leave!” Dominic cuts her off, turning to look at her and show the anger and rage in his face. Charlotte pulls her hands away from the table and takes a step back in fright before turning to rush out the hall. 

Dominic waits for a moment of silence before turning back around to face you. His eyes drop to the claw marks on your forearm and he takes in a deep, sad breath. Jaskier helps you sit on a chair and kneel in front of you as he turns his attention to your wounded arm. He smiles at how he imagines these wounds would be on Geralt’s arm and not yours. 

Still, Jaskier starts to peel away the shredded material away from the cuts as your father turns towards your mother. “I want the truth right now,” he sternly says, glaring coldly at her and making your head lift up to her. “Why is it that a witch comes into my palace, curses my firstborn daughter, and my second born ends up cursed?” Uza doesn’t say a thing because she knows that he already knows the truth. “I will tell you why. It is because Charlotte isn’t my daughter, is she?”

Uza tenses her jaw and pulls her lips into a thin line as her eyes glance over to you. “No. You are not my Charlotte’s father,” she states, shocking you at how calm she is about all this when your father is practically fuming. 

“You venomous viper,” Dominic spits at her. 

Geralt’s eyes flicker over to you when you hiss in pain, his eyes landing on your wounds and he spots something on your skin and a little glimpse of something peeking out the material of the unripped part of your sleeve. Around your wrist, in between the claw slashes, Geralt can make out a prominent handprint. “You’ve done more than just raise your hand to your daughter as a way of discipline,” he speaks, making Uza and Dominic turn to look at him. “You’ve left marks on her body to remind her of her place below Charlotte.”

Uza’s mouth drops open and she looks over to Dominic who, in turn, glares over to her. Geralt looks over to you and finds that you have your head hanging low and have pulled your arm out of Jaskier’s hold to wrap it in the skirts of your dress, hiding it from his sight.

“The Witcher is lying. How dare he suggest such a thing-” Uza tries to defend herself, glaring at Geralt coldly as she takes a step forward. 

“Enough!” Dominic cuts her off, your head lifting to look at him in fright as he pulls out a dagger from his side. 

Then he turns to you. Jaskier moves away from in front of you as he begins to walk forward, a breath catches in your throat as your eyes flicker over to catch the warning glare your mother sends to you. Looking up to your father when he stands in front of you, you see how his face has changed from when he was glaring down your mother. There’s an almost calm, soft look in his eyes as he holds out his hand to you. “May I?” he questions, nodding towards the sleeves on your arms and holding the dagger tightly in his hands. 

You look back to your mother who’s glare only hardens, and your father sees the fear in your eyes. 

Gently cupping the side of your face in his hand, he gets you to look back at him and sweetly caresses your cheek. “She won’t hurt you anymore. I promise,” he whispers, giving you a reassuring smile. 

Sighing deeply, you give a quick, timid nod and let him take your unwounded arm. Slipping the dagger under the sleeve, he starts to cut a line all the way up your forearm until reaching your elbow. And he takes in a deep breath to find your skin littered with ugly-colored bruises. He can’t imagine where else you may have them.

“What about the hot months?” he questions, looking up at your face when he remembers how you wear short-sleeved dresses when the days start to get hotter. 

You shake your head at him. “She just makes sure they are not visible.” The words fall off your tongue before you can stop them and you drop your head in shame. 

Dominic sighs sadly and turns his head to look at Uza. “You and I will deal with this later. Right now,” he starts, turning to face Geralt and stepping towards him. “Name your price, Witcher, and I will pay you to find this witch that cursed my daughter and have her remove it,” he says, ignoring the way Uza laughs behind him. 

Geralt glances down at you for a moment, thinking about the witch as he grunts to himself. “Witches are not easy to find. They appear and then disappear without leaving any kind of trace,” he mentions, looking back at Dominic and noticing the way Uza freezes and perks up in interest. “This one seemed to have a personal vendetta against you. The only link I will have to her is you.”

Dominic sees where this is going, what Geralt means and nods his head in understanding. “Is there a way we can break this curse without the witch?” he questions.

“Maybe.” Geralt looks down at you, your eyes flickering between your father and him and an almost hopeful look in your eyes. “Until we know what this curse really is, what the spirit wants from her-”

“A spirit?” Jaskier interrupts, a force of habit to question what Geralt had just said whenever he mentions something non-human. 

Geralt nods his head and hums a confirmation. “The fact that it’s invisible to everyone but her and the claw mark means that it’s a spirit. And because it’s affected by silver, means that it’s not a friendly one,” he explains, looking at you when you breathe a shaky breath. “It wants something for her. Either to torment her, or for something else. I don’t know yet. But it will come back.”

Your eyes are wide with fear when you look up at him and hearing that it will come back makes you grip the wound still wrapped in your skirts. 

Your father nods his head. “Then I will pay you extra coin to protect her from this spirit,” he states, earning a scoff from Uza which he ignores yet again. 

Nodding his head in agreement, you feel a sense of relief to hear that the Witcher has agreed to protect you from this thing. “You might want to consider getting a Mage,” Geralt mentions, turning to face you and nodding to your arm. “You should get that checked before it gets infected,” he suggests, earning a nod from you as you stand to your feet again. 

When the doors close behind you after walking out the room, Jaskier at your side and Geralt behind you two, you can hear your father and mother shouting at each other. It makes you breathe out a long sigh and drop your head between your shoulders. 

Geralt notices how Jaskier’s hand goes to your back the moment your head drops, how every turn in the corridors on the path to your chambers seem so natural to the bard. Jaskier has been here before. He’s been to your chambers before. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here for your birthday,” Jaskier mentions, making Geralt frown and tilt his head slightly. “But I was busy dying because of a Djinn.”

Geralt rolls his eyes as you chuckle at his words and glance up at him. “It’s alright. We both know that my mother would haven’t let you see me anyway,” you state, shrugging your shoulders as you turn another corner.

Jaskier hums and nods his head. “But we both know I would have made a plan to see you,” he states, making you laugh and turn to face him when you reach your chamber doors. 

“I know,” you whisper, holding your injured arm close to your body. 

He reaches past you and opens the door. “I’ll go see if I can find anything for that,” he says, nodding to your arm and stepping backward as he turns to smile at Geralt. “And I’ll let you two get to know each other better.”

When he smirks at Geralt, the Witcher realizes why he was dragged to this feast in the first place. And it wasn’t to protect him from any lords that want to kill him, but for him to meet you. Geralt glares at Jaskier before he turns around to walk away. 

Geralt glances down at you and finds you standing in your chambers behind the door, waiting for him to walk in and join you. He grunts to himself and walks into your chambers, your eyes cast to the ground as you slowly close to the door. 

He glances around the room. In one corner, close to a window, he finds an array of paints, paintbrushes, and an incomplete painting on an easel. But he doesn’t walk closer to see what the painting is. He only turns around to look at you and you sit in a seat with your gaze on your arm. “You’re in pain,” he mutters, stepping forward as your head snaps up to him. 

You shake your head. “I’ll be fine,” you whisper, your eyes returning to your wounds before you look at your tattered sleeves that expose the faint bruises on your skin. “I guess I won’t be wearing this dress again,” you say with a small laugh on your voice, trying to lighten the mood as you look up at him. 

“Then I don’t suppose you mind if I do this,” he speaks, grabbing the sleeve your father cut and rips it off the shoulder. You gasp at the sound of the tear and look down as he kneels in front of you and starts to wrap the material like a bandage around the claw-mark on your forearm. “It’s not a good idea to let wounds dry. It’s best to keep them moist and covered,” he whispers, focusing on trying not to hurt you. 

But being focused on your wounds causes him to miss the smile on growing on your face. “Jaskier was right.” That makes his glance up at you and frown. “You are smart. And..very good with your hands,” you chuckle, looking back down at the makeshift bandage he’s wrapped around your forearm. 

Geralt laughs and pushes himself up in front of you before sitting on the edge on the seat across from you. “You and Jaskier seem close,” he mentions, making you nod your head and bite your lower lip. 

“He’s probably the only friend I have,” you mention, smiling to yourself as you think of all the times you and Jaskier have snuck behind your mother’s back to have some time alone. 

Geralt hums and folds his hands in front of him. Friend. You and Jaskier are friends. And he thought that maybe you and the bard have some other kind of relationship other than just friends. But he won’t ask you that question. He doesn’t even know you. Besides, he’s being paid to protect you from this curse.

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[songofclarity]

You're one of the very few Wen Ruohan fans I've encountered! I am super curious as to your thoughts on how your version of Wen Ruohan (polite, restrained, incredibly powerful but misled by those around him, ruthless but not outright evil) correlates with some of the novel passages about him being cruel, fond of torture, etc. (1/3)

(Passage 1) The QishanWen Sect’s leader, Wen RuoHan, had a moody, violent personality. He loved the sight of blood and sometimes took enjoyment in torturing those that offended him. Jin GuangYao was only able to capture Wen RuoHan’s interest by catering to his needs, making all sorts of cruel yet amusing devices (Passage 2) The “Fire Palace” was Wen RuoHan’s playground. It was where he collected thousands of torture devices for tormenting people (2/3)

At least for me, those passages were the basis of my reading him as being fond of torture and hurting people and such, so finding your contrary view was really cool. Is your view that those are biased descriptions, given that the novel is told from close-point-of-view for Wei Wuxian (who obviously had reason to dislike Wen Ruohan!)? Or do you incorporate those aspects into Wen Ruohan in some other way? I love your fics & meta a lot; if you don't want to answer, feel free to ignore. Thanks! (3/3)

No one is more surprised that I became a Wen RuoHan fan more than me, Anon!! Thank you for the ask, it makes me really happy that you’re curious about it and that you’re giving me an opportunity to talk about him LOL Although I do politely protest to it being called my version of Wen RuoHan...! I promise you, I'm not trying to make this characterization up out of thin air to suit my whims. The reason I've grown to like him is because I started paying closer attention to him and what I found made him rather more interesting and likeable compared to when I first read the novel with a focus on Wei WuXian and co.

MDZS is all about differentiating between what we see and what we are told. Spoken rumors vs recognized truths are important plot devices. We are told at the very start of the novel that Wei WuXian, the Yiling Patriarch, was this horrible and monstrous person who slaughtered thousands without any remorse. He was a terrible, dastardly demonic cultivator and the entire cultivation world breathes with relief now that he's gone, because what a terror that man was! How sad for his poor Shijie and Shidi that they ever met him! Mo XuanYu summons him with the explicit belief that Wei WuXian is indeed this malicious, heartless ghoul who will torture and slaughter the Mo family in cold blood for his revenge.

And what's Wei WuXian's response to that? "You've got the wrong person..." (Ch. 2, ERS).

Now, we see firsthand evidence that shows why people would think Wei WuXian is this kind of monster. We see him torture and mutilate Wen Chao, we hear about the leagues of corpses he raises to fight in the Sunshot Campaign, we see the violence that erupts both times at Qiongqi Path, and we see the massacre at Nightless City when he goes off the rails. His motivations and circumstances aside, this is the work of a villain. He’s terrifying! Taking his motivations and circumstances into account, however, I don't think anyone would accuse him of being moody and violent and loving to torture even though we see him being moody and violent and torturing his victim with a lot of malicious satisfaction. It takes a certain kind of someone to force their victim to eat their own flesh, after all.

By comparison, we never even see Wen RuoHan being violently moody or enjoying the sight of blood or even engaging in torture. I wrote several paragraphs going scene by scene that made this reply a mile long that I have cut out, because the short explanation is that what we have here are descriptions of a person we never encounter, not even when he has his son's murderer under his foot and at his mercy. By all means, like Wei WuXian to Wen Chao, Wen RuoHan is at least justified in killing Nie MingJue for killing Wen Xu. Wen RuoHan even asks to confirm that he has the right man (and would someone who likes torture and blood even care?). But then he... doesn't kill him. And then he turns down an offer to torture Nie MingJue as well. Considering Wei WuXian hunted Wen Chao down for the opportunity to torture him, Wen RuoHan not even wanting to take what is offered him on a silver platter is in direct conflict with the report that torture is his favorite pastime.

And this conflict isn’t accidental. It’s done on purpose for a specific reason.

What's interesting about those two passages you picked is that they are both post-Sunshot condemnations of Wen RuoHan's character. Wen RuoHan is very dead and unable to defend his reputation after the Sunshot Campaign. His Wen remnants are very much being tortured and abused by the Jin who sing about how they are the good guys even as they beat Wen Ning to death. Jin GuangYao has all the reasons in the world to turn Wen RuoHan from a basic antagonist into a sadistic monster in order to cover up his own crimes, because there is no rational way Jin GuangYao can possibly reconcile saying, “I had no choice” with Wen RuoHan telling him, “Do as you please” (Ch. 49, ERS).

Because those two passage you identified which characterize Wen RuoHan are provided by the only person who survived Nightless City and is given a voice: Jin GuangYao. Jin GuangYao who used and murdered Wen RuoHan for political gain in order to get fame and his father’s attention. Jin GuangYao has no reason or desire to let Wen RuoHan have a fair trial, and certainly the cultivation world is not interested in a sympathetic take of the man who led the Wen Sect.

The mural painting Jin GuangYao has done on the stairs at Koi Tower show him murdering Wen RuoHan. Note how it’s the expression on Jin GuangYao's face, and not anything to do with Wen RuoHan, that makes Wei WuXian feel uneasy. It's because the Wen Sect as a whole are demonized that the Jin Sect is able to get away with becoming far, far worse. Jin GuangYao depicts himself as a hero slaying a monster, and it is in that manner he is able to go over a decade becoming a true tyrant whose crimes dwarfed any of Wen RuoHan's misdeeds.

Rather than only listen to Jin Sect, who had a very obvious complex toward the Wen Sect, we should at least pay attention to the people who actually treated Wen RuoHan like a person rather than like a stepping stone. In which case we must look to Wen ZhuLiu!

[Wen ZhuLiu] was protecting Wen Chao under Wen RuoHan's orders. He'd never liked Wen Chao's character to begin with. Yet, there were no worst circumstances, but only worse circumstances. Wen Chao ordered him to come protect Wang LingJiao. The woman was not only shallow and conceited but also cruel at heart, gaining much dislike from him. However, no matter how much he didn't like her, he couldn't go against Wen RuoHan and Wen Chao's orders and kill her. (Ch. 58, ERS)

Look at the personalities Wen ZhuLiu does not like. Wen Chao is arrogant and lecherous. Wang LingJiao is, explicitly stated, conceited, shallow, and cruel at heart. Wen ZhuLiu dislikes Wang LingJiao so much that he would kill her if he could!

Remember that Wen ZhuLiu picked following Wen RuoHan on his own. He picked his own master because he liked him in some manner. Before the Wen Sect fell, it was hugely popular with guest cultivators and Wen RuoHan is at the center of all that. Would Wen ZhuLiu pick a heartless master who behaved like Wen Chao or Wang LingJiao? All signs point to no. So it's safe to say that:

Wen RuoHan is not arrogant or lecherous

Wen RuoHan is not conceited or shallow.

Wen RuoHan is not cruel at heart.

And if Wen RuoHan is not cruel at heart, he wouldn’t be so cruel as to enjoy torturing people like the rumors say. And I think we have more reasons to trust Wen ZhuLiu than Jin GuangYao or the Jin Sect on this.

[dearaliceliddel]

CHARACTER STUDY

— basics.

▸ is your muse tall / short / average ?

Alice is short average, standing at 5′5″

▸ are they okay with their height ?

Considering Wonderland, the height of things always so skewed, Alice doesn’t think much of her height often. But being short has proven to be quite useful at surviving and fighting. But trying to not be looked down upon or people assuming she’s too weak? Hm. Irritating.

▸ what’s their hair like ?

Long and soft, smooth to the touch. Alice has thick hair but where it was once wavy, it’s now straight for her own peace of mind, its own weight pulling it straighter. Dark brown, very nearly black in the right light.

▸ do they spend a lot of time on their hair / grooming ?

Not often, as Alice doesn’t really style her hair unless she is left with no choice. Cleaning and bathing of course takes time, but otherwise it’s merely brushed out and handled to not be a wreck. If she has to, pulling it back into a pony tail or braid can happen on the rare occasion. Otherwise it is flowing free.

▸ does your muse care about their appearance / what others think ?

Considering Alice’s state in her appearances, she is more for comfort and self identity over being fancy. Her bigger worry is surviving and her personal feeling. Yet she is still a proper young lady, and knows how to look nice when she needs to. Alice’s sense of style has always been there, it is merely on a more comfortable level. Her dresses are a combination of utility and appearance.

— preferences.

▸ indoors or outdoors ?

Both. Being outdoors has always held a source of adventure for Alice alongside her imagination. But as the years went on and the trauma, torment, madness, and suffering sank in, she figured out how to enjoy being indoors just as much. She can acclimate to whatever may need.

▸ rain or sunshine ? 

Sunshine is much preferred, as the rain can bring such sad feelings. The sun brings warmth and hope, memories of better years. But one can not deny sitting inside, with a nice warm cup of tea while hearing the rain falling on a roof or against windows.

▸ forest or beach ?

The Forest hands down. Reminds Alice of her home in Oxford, and the estate that had the forest around it, where she would run around so easily. And first found the rabbit hole. While a beach can be fun, there is something about sprawling forests that has her at ease. 

▸ precious metals or gems ? 

Metal’s has many more uses than gems can have, as gorgeous as gems can be. Yet at the same time one can’t deny the chances of a rare stone of some sort being useful in a certain moment. So, I’m going to say both but metal leaning.

▸ flowers or perfumes ?

Flowers. Such things remind Alice of her younger days and gardens. Perfumes can sometimes smell like the same flowers she remembers as a child, and she does enjoy them if needed, but there’s always more enjoyment of the real thing.

▸ personality or appearance ?

Personality. While an appearance can be a bonus, Alice much prefers someone personality and who they truly are deep down and under whatever facade or surface level showing that is given for general public. The personality and personal quirks or ticks are more revealing of ones true self.

▸ being alone or being in a crowd ? 

Alone. Sometimes being in a crowd can be stressful, and bring a headache, especially if she is forced to be touching people as her trigger. Being alone has been forcefully ingrained into her by the torments of her life. But if she is comfortable with some friends, enough so to be considered a group, she does not mind being in the proverbial crowd with someone she knows has her back.

▸ order or anarchy ? 

Order and Anarchy mean nothing if the world is careening wildly on the jagged edge of reality. Alice has seen the best and worst of everything in equal measure, and knows the disgusting truths she wishes she could forget. But if she had to choose, a mix of both. Anarchy is merely chaos with a direction, and order is organized madness.

▸ painful truths or white lies ?

This is another Both situation. Alice is very much driven to discover the truth of situations if she has to do so, find facts, considering how many were hid from her and used against her in lies. But she also understands the need for lies to protect others or herself.

▸ science or magic ?

Magic is merely Science others don’t understand, as Alice has been told before. But she accepts both in equal measure, and loves to learn more.

▸ peace or conflict ?

Alice craves peace for once, even for a short time. Able to sit, rest, be at ease for once, with no fear or sadness. Able to sleep for once without fear, or feel like nothing is wrong. But that is a fleeting notion as she understands conflict shall always come in any form, and sometimes she will cause it if she has to.

▸ night or day ?

Night or Day can bring good and bad moments. Hiding in the dark can only protect you so much, while the daylight does not chase away cruelty. Alice accepts both with how little she sleeps and refuses to do so actively. But she enjoys the warmth of daylight.

▸ dusk or dawn ?

Dawn brings a new day. Watching a sunrise can be quite enjoyable. But she will always ever enjoy the beauty of a sunset and how it paints the skies and horizon like a work of art.

▸ warmth or cold ?

Considering how sensitive Alice is to temperature and the shifts in the air of such things, she prefers warmth. Easily cold thanks to the damage of her body from severe burns and fire. Yet the cold does not stop her and she can force herself through as unpleasant as it is.

▸ many acquaintances or a few close friends ?

Alice prefers to have just a few close friends, and yet she has acquired many acquaintances. A bit of both ever present in her life. She’s worried of opening up to people and accepting them closer as Alice has a habit of loosing those she cares about. But if you earn her friendship and to be close enough for her to be comfortable with you? Then you earned a fiercely loyal friend that will kill for you.

▸ reading or playing a game ?

Books have ALWAYS been a treasure for Alice, even more so being alone. It allows her to feel free and in another world for a while, imagination running wild without worry. And on top of that, she can learn so much from new studies or thick tomes. Her brain craves learning and teasers, alongside fantasy. Reality has so much of her attention already, she sometimes needs an escape. But a game? Now those will still have her highly interested. But its harder to play games alone.

— questionnaire.

▸ what are some of your muse’s bad habits ?

Refusing to sleep, unable to do so and staying up for extended periods. Eating exceedingly rarely and only enough to be functional and not starve, but still has water and drinks tea commonly. Taking on danger without any fear for herself, and not thinking twice of injuries she may take. Self destruction and self harm. Blaming herself for much at times. Withdrawal and refusing to open up to others without being convinced to do so. Sometimes spiking her tea with a strong alcohol. Using hookah at times, a habit picked up from Caterpillar. Having wonderful advice to give others but often not taking it herself. And as always, Alice’s impossible curiosity.

▸ has your muse lost anyone close to them ? how has it affected them ?

Almost everyone. Alice lost her family in a fire that was started to cover up the murder and r*p* of her sister. Lost her Wonderland into Madness and even herself. Tormented and tortured in an Asylum for ten years of her life, with almost no real help. Lost her rabbit, her cat, her life, home, everything. Then was nearly broken by the very man that took it all away. So she killed that man in poetic justice so he could never harm anyone else. These moments have changed and hardened Alice through most of her life. Having made it hard to accept others into her life closely, always keeping people at arms length, but also willing to put in her all to help others get a better life than she had, or to try and help them have some sense of sanity. She fears physical contact due too the abuse she had and torments, scared of anything doing that again, even more so after what happened with her sister.

▸ what are some fond memories your muse has ?

There is so very few after the age of 8. But before that? Alice remembers fondly how her Father would help so many less fortunate kids or families, to give them a chance to learn, help them with food or clothes. And how Father would take her and her sister out for adventures in the city. Mother being a doctor and taking time at home to teach her daughters at home anything she could. The family dinners, the way they were always such a giving family, despite being so rich and well off. Alice’s older sister Lizzie always encouraging her to be herself, so open and loving. Then there was Wonderland before she fell apart. How she misses her friends even now. Nothing left but pain and heartache, as Alice strives to make better memories in her life.

▸ is it easy for your muse to kill ?

That depends on the person and situation. Alice has stepped across the threshold for murder and killing a long time ago, both in Wonderland and in Reality. Blood and gore are no problem. But if it is someone innocent, or a friend, anything like that? She won’t be able to kill. Injure and disable for their own safety yes, or just defend herself, but not kill. If it was someone that truly deserved it? Absolutely. 

▸ what’s it like when your muse breaks down ?

An emotional roller coaster. Alice tries to keep her emotions kept under control, to think as logically as she can after all her experiences. But she has always felt so very deeply, more than many people, and it does not always work. She gets so angry when she gets sad, frustrated at herself for breaking down and upset she’s broken so. But her tears are always so heavy because she tries to keep it all contained. She would only cry harder if she had someone there to let her cry on and have support of. 

▸ is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life ?

It is so very rare. But yes, Alice is capable of this. Although she is usually in the position of front liner and protector, as she has been forced to become with no choice. 

▸ what’s your muse like when they’re in love ?

Considering how rare it is for Alice, she would be unaware of it at first. Just simply instinct driving her to be closer to the individual that has won her trust and affection. But after she starts to understand it, she will try her best to deny and bury those feelings down. Refusing to ruin a friendship or endanger anyone else. But once she loves someone, Alice loves with all her heart and can be quite a warm person and passionate.

*

Tagged by: @fatherdamned (thank you so much)

Tagging: @nerv0usm3chanic (lucan), @punsandfuturekingsmen @bluescarfvivi @heartsdefine , @trollamulet​, @maiolica-admirer​, @reanimatedmuses​ (Jack)

[rickyriddle]

Sociopath/Psychopath characters in anime/manga

Hi there. So after the first and second psychopath lists and the sociopath list, here’s a fourth list for other psychopaths/sociopaths anime/manga characters. For this list I chose 20 characters that I believe have anti-social personality disorder (aka sociopathy and psychopathy), explaining whether its regular sociopathy, high-functioning sociopathy or psychopathy. Keep in mind that I’m doing that for fun, I’m not a specialist, so I may be wrong about certain details. Spoilers, especially for the series Revenge Classroom, Umineko, Higurashi and Danganronpa. TRIGGER WARNING FOR SENSITIVE SUBJECTS

Yuri Meichi (Akuma no Riddle)

High-functioning sociopath/Psychopath

I guess I can’t make a list without at least one AnR character. I first diagnosed this chapter with a superior complex but I come to realize it’s more than that. Yuri is a woman that seemed empty and hiding behind the same smile that looked printed on her face. She showed through the series that she lacks empathy, she has dubious morality, she’s manipulative and seems incapable de bond or love. In fact, the only time we saw her losing her usual smile was when a character proved their love for someone. Yuri is the typical calm mastermind who’s never bothered and doesn’t sympathize with anyone. I don’t know if I would classify her as a high-functioning sociopath or a psychopath, but given that she’s implied to have a rough childhood I feel like she’s not born that way but made.

Igarashi “Ulith” Rumi (Wixoss)

Conduct Disorder and High functioning sociopath

So, Conduct disorder is the precursor of Antisocial personality disorder, the former being diagnosed for child and teenager and the latter adult. Since she saw this character as a child exhibiting antisocial behaviours such as animal cruelty (well, more like bugs cruelty), lack of empathy, and a total disregard for rules. As an adult, Urith hasn’t changed and is quite manipulative and charismatic, and is, in addition, a sadist. She likes to manipulate and torment pure people until they break and commit suicide. If it wasn’t of the ending of the movie that made her break down in cry I would have diagnosed her as a psychopath, so I’ll go with high-functioning sociopath.

Matsuzaka Satou (Happy Sugar Life)

High-functioning sociopath

Satou is quite disconnected from her emotions but hides behind smiles and a kind persona, her mask to pretend to be normal. She has no problem manipulating others, threatened and even kill. She’s quite antisocial but she isn’t a psychopath. Unlike them, she’s capable of bonding and feeling love, even if it’s quite obsessive, her love is still genuine and sincere. She’s not born that, she was made this way because of the twisted environment she grew in with her unstable aunt. All of this caused her to become numb inside. But she’s not impulsive and is quite in control of her pulsion, making her high-functioning.

Donquixote Doflamingo (One Piece)

High-functioning sociopath/Psychopath

Even since he was a kid, Doflamingo was a monster. True, he was raised in a society of noblemen who view common people like trash, but his parents were so good and kind, so it’s more likely that his behaviours are nature, not nurture. His total lack of remorse or empathy seems to classify him as a psychopath, but at the same time he does seem to have genuine sympathy for some of his comrade, so he could also be a high-functioning sociopath who was born with genetic predisposition to become one (since sociopathy can be both caused by environment and genetic predisposition). So I would say he lay between those two disorders.

Esdeath (Akame ga Kill)

High-functioning sociopath

I was going to classify her as a psychopath at first before I remembered her genuine love for Tatsumi and her past. Her past with her father shaped her actual mentality that the strong lives and the weak die. Esdeath has no empathy and doesn’t show remorse for all the horrible acts she has committed, she has no problem killing innocent people or torturing them. But she’s not incapable of love or bonding, she seems to at least care a little bit for her comrade who earned her respect, and deeply love Tatsumi. But in the end, she’s a cruel a ruthless woman who enjoys hurting others and has no remorse whatsoever for all the horrible things she has done.

Kamiyama Itsuki (Goth)

Psychopath

This one is interesting because he is most likely a psychopath, yet doesn’t hurt or kill anyone. In fact, most psychopaths in real life don’t, so he feels more realistic. The manga made it really clear that he’s wearing a mask to appear normal, typical of psychopaths. He doesn’t seem to be able to bond and genuinely love others, his only “love” interest is a girl who he fantasizes about cutting her hands. He actually put this girl in danger just to achieve this goal. But he never takes direct action to cause her harm. He is also quite fearless and doesn’t show empathy, other signs of psychopathy.

Musician Of The Forest Cranberry (Magical Girl Raising Project)

High-functioning sociopath/Psychopath

A character that looks at first really calm, cool-headed and somewhat charming, but the more we know about her the more we noticed that she’s quite fearless and always in need of stimulation. She seems quite rational and in control of herself, without any sympathy for others. She treats life and death situations as a game and is always calm. I only saw the anime but I read about her backstory, being through a horrible situation where all her comrades (she was a child) were brutally murdered in front of her. Hard to tell if that moment traumatizes her and made her the way she is, or if it awakened something she already had inside her. So I can’t make a definitive diagnosis but to be she’s definitely antisocial.

Abigail (Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka)

Sociopath

This girl looks like the lovechild of Nio and Otoya from Akuma no Riddle. She’s all cheerful and looks sweet, but is actually ruthless and commit atrocities remorselessly. She’s cruel and has no empathy and hides her true self behind a cheery mask. But Abigail isn’t high-functioning, she’s pretty impulsive and can get easily angry, she basically has no self-control. But she’s capable of bonding and feeling love for her master. In addition to being a sociopath, she’s also a sadist who enjoys torturing people. 

Enoshima Junko (Danganronpa)

Sociopath

I hesitate to put her on my list because I saw an analysis of Junko with different disorders, but her being a sociopath is also a high possibility. She hides her true self behind a charismatic mask, she’s highly manipulative and doesn’t seem to have a single drop of empathy for anyone. Even people she claimed to love she ultimately hurt them (or even killed them) for her own selfish desire. I wouldn’t say she’s high-functioning though, the main reason why she succeeded was because she was rich, she had a super strong sister and she was really intelligent, but she doesn’t seem to have much self-control and is pretty impulsive. So I would say she’s pretty mid-functioning, enough to carry out her plan.

Takano Miyo (Higurashi no naku koro ni)

High-functioning sociopath

Another one I have been conflicted about for a long time, but I think high-functioning sociopath could qualify her. She had a rough childhood where her parents died tragically in an accident, she was abused horribly by her orphanage and her adoptive grandfather who she deeply loved was humiliated to the point he suffered from mental illness and committed suicide. It’s understandable if Takano broke after all of this and became numb and disconnected from her empathy. She’s a liar and quite manipulative as an adult, committing atrocities and hurting people without a shred of empathy and even enjoying it. She’s quite cruel, hiding being a nice and friendly mask while in reality she enjoys frightening people and toying with them. She’s still capable of love and bonding, but it has it’s limit as she has no problem killing her own allies. I would say she’s mainly high-functioning, but when she loses her certainty to win she can crumble.

Ushiromiya Kyrie (Umineko no naku koro ni)

High-functioning sociopath/Psychopath

From the same series as Higurashi. It took us a long time before realizing what kind of person Kyrie truly is. We discovered that she’s the true murderer of the Rokkenjima Massacre along with her husband. At first we’re lead to think Kyrie is a cool person, I would even say a calm big sister. She seems like one of the best adults on the island. Wrong, totally wrong. Kyrie is actually cold-blooded and lacks empathy, she would kill anyone who gets in her way. She was obsessed with her husband, getting jealous and cursing any women who get close to him, and she was even ready to kill his new wife. Luckily for her, she died, so she got what she wanted without dirtying her hands. Despite all she did for her husband, when he died she didn’t seem sad at all, which lead me to think she was simply obsessed by him but never actually loved him. She even revealed that she never loved her own daughter and her family was nothing more than a facade. We don’t know exactly Kyrie’s past so I can’t say if she’s born or made that way, but given that she seems incapable of love or bonding, I would say she’s most likely a psychopath.

Bernkastel (Umineko no naku koro ni)

High functioning sociopath

Another one from Umineko. For half the series, we’re led to believe that Bernkastel is an ally, she’s on the side of the hero and she reminds people of Rika from Higurashi, who was the heroine. She seems to sympathize with Battler and doesn’t show much bad intention. But then, she began to be more antagonistic, taking control of Beatrice’s game with Lambdadelta and toying with everyone, while heavily mistreating her piece Erika, revealing her true cruel and sadistic nature. She basically treats everyone as her toy and doesn’t hesitate to torture them for her own pleasure without a single drop of empathy. She can hide her true dark intent and pretend to be nice when she wants, but it’s only an act. She’s also quite petty, she lost so she plots to take revenge by literally destroying those who offended her. Bernkastel isn’t born like that, she was made that way after spending hundreds of years of being brutally killed and another thousand years being taught how to be cruel by her old master. At least Bernkastel is capable of love, but let’s say that her love is really twisted.

Kiryuin Ragyo (Kill la Kill)

Psychopath

Mother of the year… That woman has no empathy, no love and only cares about herself. She used her own children as tools for her goal, and didn’t feel remorse at all when she thought one of them died and regularly molested the other one. She tried to kill her own husband when he got in the way. This woman is incapable of having empathy, love or bonding, yet we could say she’s quite charismatic in a way, a lot of superficial charms. Even in the end, she preferred to kill herself with a smile.

Medusa Gorgon (Soul Eater)

Psychopath

Another mother of the year… At the beginning of the story, Medusa pretends to be the kind nurse of Shibusen, while she was actually a ruthless witch who abused her own child and raised them as a tool and an experiment. She treats pretty much everyone around her as tools or experiments and has no problem manipulate and using people. She never showed any empathy or love for anyone, she was a cold and cool-headed person who was in perfect control of her pulsion.

Yamase Yuuya (Revenge Classroom)

Psychopath

Nearly forgot about him. Yuuya is portrayed as a soft and kind boy for almost the entire manga, until the end when it’s revealed he’s actually the mastermind behind all the events, starting with people starting to bully Ayana which leads her to seek revenge and ended up in a bloodbath. Yuuya knew exactly that something like that would happen and still caused it, why? He was bored. He always felt empty in the inside and always had been an excellent manipulator, so he decided to start this just to satiate is boredom. He actually enjoys to see people suffer, he doesn’t seem to have any empathy or love for anyone. He’s quite a good actor and managed to fool everyone, until the end when his masquerade is finally revealed. He does have some bad stuff happening to him in his past, but I don’t feel it’s enough to make him this way, so I would say he’s born that way, thus a psychopath.

Celestia Ludenberg (Danganronpa)

High-functioning sociopath

Another Danganronpa character. Celes is known to be the queen of liars, she’s good at manipulating others and usually keeps her composure, looking rather elegant and superficially charming. She doesn’t seem to appreciate humans, proof is that her most important person is actually her cat. Some sociopaths prefer animals over humans. Everything about her is a lie, her name who is Yasuhiro Taeko, her past, her origins, and most of her personality. As we see in her class trial, Celes can be quite impulsive and aggressive, but most of the time she wears a mask that make her look calm and elegant. She doesn’t seem to have empathy for people, she had no remorse to manipulate Yamada and then murderer him, shamelessly lying to everyone, ready to get them all executed for money. She’s the type who had no problem sacrificing and using others for her own ambition.

Since I have three spots left to make a 20 characters lists I’ll take this opportunity to fix some of my mistakes from my first psychopaths list.

Oh Sangwoo (Killing Stalking)

Psychotic sociopath

On my previous list, I said he was a psychopath, but the manhwa wasn’t over yet and later we see how mentally unstable he was which makes me think he’s more psychotic. But he still shows lots of antisocial symptoms such a superficial charms, lack of empathy and remorse, deceitful, cruel and manipulative. But he’s not born that way, this is the result of his abusive parents, especially his mother who tried to kill and rape him. I would say he’s mid-functioning, enough to kill efficiently, but still really unstable.  

Yagami Light (Death Note)

Sociopathic narcissist

Another one I qualified as a psychopath but after rereading about him I have to change my statement. Light does show a lot of antisocial symptoms such as charisma, liars, lack of empathy and remorse, deceitful and manipulative. But he’s not born that way, we saw when he lost his memory that he was capable of sympathy. And he doesn’t seem to have anything in his past who would have made him that way. My guess would be that he’s a narcissist that gains sociopathic tendencies due to the influence of the Death Note. Maybe he has genetic dispositions for sociopathy and it got awaked by the feeling of power and the ability to kill. I think Light is mainly a narcissist, he feels superior to others, he wants to be God and he’s power-hungry. He feels morally superiors and thinks he has the right to kill whoever he wants.

Baek Yeonhwa (White Angels Have no Wings)

High-functioning sociopath

And another one that was classified as a psychopath on my first list. Don’t get me wrong, with the first manhwa she could definitely have been a psychopath. But the author made a sequel and I have to change my diagnosis. Yeonhwa is definitely antisocial, she’s a cruel and remorseless girl who hides behind an innocent mask, she uses her disability to gain sympathy from others and hide her true self, she enjoys tormenting and hurting others and even went as far as raping her own sister. She showed no remorse for her actions and doesn’t seem to have any empathy. In the sequel, however, she fell in love with a girl and seemed to genuinely care about her. She’s not incapable of bonding and love, but it doesn’t erase all the antisocial traits she has. So I suppose high-functioning sociopath would be a better diagnosis for her.

That will be all for this list, I don’t know if I’ll make a fifth one, but if you have any suggestion feel free to tell me! 

[asterisquebloomed]

Follow Forever

I seen a few of these before, and I thought what with the year ending, perhaps this was a good idea to do in commemoration of these past two years. I know I haven’t been the most active of RP partners. I’m really slow and my motivation is fickle, but I love RPing, I love writing, and I’ll never give it up, it brings me so much joy writing with everyone. So in honor of all that has happened, and as wish for more to come, here are some words of gratitude to some of my partners, friends, and mutuals.

@breakingreality

Avo, where do I even start with you? Oh I know, that you’re fucking amazing? Is that a good place to start? It better be, because here we go.

You are my best friend out of all the people I’ve met here in these last two years. I love talking to you, gushing about our characters, scheming and plotting future threads, teasing you with unanswered questions and unsolved mysteries, teasing you in general really, and just talking about whatever may cross my mind at the time. You’re easy to talk to, easy to get along with, and super friendly. I’m so happy to have met you and made friends with you, you have no idea. I’ll fucking fight anyone who dares talk shit about you. You’re understanding, smart, clever as fuck, and are one of the most enjoyable people to talk to. You’re a great writer, a great creator, and an even greater friend. I look forward to talking to you and I thoroughly enjoy your company. I don’t think you’ve ever once pissed me off, which is amazing because I have the shortest fucking temper ever. I wholeheartedly appreciate you and everything we’ve done thus far. If you ever need someone to talk to, to vent to, to confide in, whatever, I’m here for you. So if you ever feel lonely, or unwanted, or like you’re being ignored, come talk to me, cause I’ll never ignore you.

On that note, let’s turn our attention towards the RP side of things shall we? You’re an amazing writer, a wonderful RP partner, and your character are great. Like I love Eli, she’s fucking fantastic. Her sassy attitude, her impulsive nature, her quirky habits (Please don’t eat frozen steak Eli) and just all the intricacies and nuances, every single thing about her is great. A girl forced to grow up too fast, a child forced to face her mortality before she even got a chance to live. So when faced with two options, to die sad and alone without ever having had a chance to truly enjoy all that life has to offer, or to live by forsaking her humanity, the choice was obvious. She gave herself to the darkness, embraced being a monster, all for that chance. A chance to experience, to enjoy, to live.  I’m sure most of us would make the same choice if we were faced with such a dismal situation.

Eli is amazingly written, you bring her to life in a way most could only hope to achieve. Her reactions are organic and visceral. She’s such an emotional girl, as much as she tries to hide it behind that stoic facade of hers. Her emotions are so raw and powerful that they sway the reader to feel along with her. To feel her fury as she fights against those who have done terrible things to her or those she loves, to feel her happiness however short lived it tends to be, and to feel her sorrow, the deep, bitter sorrow that seems to constantly plague her very existence. She can never seem to escape it. The abuse, the torment, the manipulation, all the suffering she goes through, that leads her to the edge, and when presented with it, she jumps. She leaps into circumstances she never fully understood, dives into a dark and twisted world, one full of horrific tragedy. Before she knows it and before she’s even aware, she’s lost her humanity. She’s become a monster, not only in name, but in nature as well. She’s become the demon those nuns claimed her to be, and she murders her tormentors for the things they have done to her. She gets taken in by a morally questionable individual and is put to work as an assassin, forced to kill people who are the same as she once was, humans who became monsters and lost control. She’s forced to essentially kill herself, over and over again. She’s been isolated her entire life. Made to mistrust others, to be distant, to be cold, to be uncaring.

And then she meets a girl, a special girl who accepts her for what she is. A girl who, while initially afraid of the truth that was revealed to her, overcomes that fear, because what you are doesn’t matter, it’s who you are that is important. She accepts her, refuses to let her go, and swears to never abandon her. For probably the first time in Eli’s whole life, she has a friend. Someone who truly cares about her and enjoys her presence. It’s no wonder she fell in love is it?

But like all things in this poor girl’s life, it’s fated to end in tragedy.

Listen, I love Eli, she’s a great character, she’s compelling, nuanced, and with so much depth, of both emotion and personality. She’s conflicted, she struggles, she has ups and downs, she feels and wants, she’s both silly and serious. She’s like a real person. She’s not just one thing, but many things, all blended together to create a single individual, just like we are.

You’ve done an absolutely fantastic job writing this girl. You should take pride in what you’ve done, because you’ve created an amazing character here.

I adore her relationship with Ivalinne and Reiko. They’re such stark contrasts to each other, such different dynamics, and the conflict between the three is great.

Which brings me to threads, I’ve loved every single one, and I have SO many ideas for more. I’ve got so many plans and schemes and plots in my head that I have yet to spring on you since I don’t want to overwhelm you, and I hope we’ll get to explore each and every one of them. I can’t wait!

You are probably the biggest fan of everything I do. You support me in my endeavors and are always cheering me on, and I thank you for that, I really appreciate your support, how much you enjoy my stories and characters, it makes me so incredibly happy. You’re probably the biggest fan of Ivalinne’s story, and by far the most vocal. I hope you’ll continue to partake in my stories as I tell them, I’d love to have you along for the ride.

Have I heaped enough praise on you yet? I could probably go on for hours about how amazing you are, so in the interest of not making this post even longer than it already is, I’ll stop here.

Avo, you’re great is all aspects, and I hope we continue to write together for as long as is possible. I look forward to the coming year and all the wonderful threads we’ll surely write together in 2020.

@intrinsicmirage

Aster, you’re such an amazing writer. Your narration is beautiful, I love the way it flows and how poetic it is. It’s a pleasure to read the things you write and a joy to see you on the dash.

You are a creative force, your ideas and concepts are awe-inspiring. The lore you’ve crafted is so interesting and well thought out, from the Coils to the Shroud, to the various species you’ve made all from scratch. You have an amazing mind and I love seeing what you come up with. Your characters are compelling, interesting, and in some cases downright terrifying. S9 is a fearsome being, an ancient god risen from the dead yearning for the power they once had and more, intent to make the universe bend to their will and take all they can get.

Syn is great. A woman struggling with her past and trying to find meaning, going from a materialistic, greedy mercenary whose focus rested solely on the wealth and possessions she could gain, to her confronting her past and taking on the trials of the Coils. She’s so haunted by her pasts traumas that in the past she couldn’t bear to speak of them, and to confront them head on took a lot of courage. She comes out triumphant and sees the world in a new light, making her realize just how pointless her treasure trove of amassed wealth is, and that there’s something much more important than money and material things. She takes her future into her own hands, reshapes herself and takes control of her own identity, giving herself a new name, one that she chose for herself, one that wasn’t given to her by someone else. It was hers and hers alone. Now known as Malam’schir, she sets her sights far higher than she once did as Syn, seeking to tear down a corrupted system of power where the strong reign supreme. All that she willingly puts herself through and endures for that goal, it’s admirable. She’s done a lot of horrible things throughout her life. She’s never been what one would consider selfless, in fact, she’s been the opposite, and for someone like that to, in the end, work towards helping the weak who are trapped under the heel of corrupt monarchies and corporations who hold an iron grip on the planets and systems in the galaxy, that is some amazing character development.

I think it really is amazing when a writer can make you feel for a character that isn’t morally sound and who is either grey, or downright evil. It takes a lot of skill to get the audience to invest in and sympathize with a character who isn’t an obvious hero. To have the reader root for someone who has killed countless people without a second thought, who lies and steals and does whatever it takes to achieve their goals, that in my opinion is a true sign of a skilled writer.

And you’ve done exactly that. I find myself wanting Malam’schir to succeed, cheering her on even when full well knowing that during the Lifeforce Coil she’s systematically torturing and murdering people to gain a better understanding of how that energy works before assimilating the lifeforce of those she’s killed into her own to bolster herself for the journey ahead. How detrimental this act becomes to her, as all the memories and personalities of all those she’s absorbed blend together. The gambles she takes as she descends into the Nine Hells and the risk all of this poses to her, not just physically, but on a fundamental level. The question of ‘is she still herself’ when all of those personalities merge and intermingle. What is truly her and what is inherited from all the souls she’s consumed. It’s fascinating and I can’t wait to see how it all turns out.

You’ve done an excellent job with your characters. They really feel like actual people, not mere concepts, but individuals with a will all their own. You bring them to life in such a spectacular way and it’s an honor to be able to write with you.

As a creator, I look up to you. You inspire me to go further and deeper, to explore beyond the world I created and reach out into the universe in which it exists. To explore my concepts on a cosmic scale rather than on a planetary one, and I thank you for that.

You’re a great friend, easy to talk to, fun to bounce ideas off of, and just an overall welcoming person. I’m glad to have met you and it makes me so happy that we’re friends. We’ve been mutuals since almost the beginning, sometime in March of 2018 or so, over the course of so many URL changes that I had to give you your own tag just to keep track of them all, and it’s been wonderful having you along for the ride. Thank you for your support through these years and for your continued interest in what I do.

I absolutely adore our ship and have so many ideas for what is to come for Reiko and Syn/Mala. Despite them both being terrible people, their relationship is so pure and beautiful. A love without expectations, one that doesn’t judge or hold the other to some sort of standard or code of conduct. A love with no burdens, but just simply being there with one another, enjoying the moment and each other’s presence. It’s so wonderful and I love every instance of it. Such rich emotion and such a profound love, even though both believe themselves unfit for love and unworthy of being loved. For such dangerous beings which such questionable morality, they are so sweet together. The fact that these two, who are ultimately very selfish individuals, would do anything to protect the other—even if it cost them their very lives—is so beautiful, it touches my heart.

I look forward to what is to come in the new year and hope to continue writing with such a wonderful writer for as long as I can, and I hope you too, feel the same way.

@sisterofthedevil​ / @cruentusscarlet​ / And more

Flan, you’re the reason I’m here in the first place. You were the first person I reached out to when I decided to come back here and enter the RP community. It was due to you that I got to join that first discord server, the first one I was ever in. It’s my home and I treasure it so much, so much so that even if that server is slowly declining, I’ll never leave it, because it’s the first place I got to call my home on discord. All of the friends I’ve made, all of them are thanks to that first step. If it wasn’t for you I might not have been able to make my place here. I’m so grateful for that. Even if we don’t talk much, I still consider you a good friend. And that’s not to mention how great of an RP partner you are.

Reiko and Flandre’s thread is one of my favorite threads I’ve had to date. I’ve loved every moment of it, it’s been such an intense roller coaster of emotions, and it’s probably the only thread where all of Reiko has been on full display. I hope going forward into 2020 that we can continue to write together.

You’re a great writer with such a unique style. Each one of your muses is fleshed out with intricate details and is a different spin on things, What with Flan having accidentally killed her sister and become the new mistress of the manor. Remilia embracing the role of being a terrifying monster and doing horrible things without batting an eyelash. Parsee being trapped not only emotionally and mentally, but spiritually and physically as well, unable to leave the bridge and be free. Satori, despite the horrors she’s witnessed, does not just follow suit to her species. You’ve given attention to every little detail, from the placement of her veins to the way she would have to put clothes on to accommodate them to the lasting effects of being able to read minds and bring other’s traumas to the surface. Alice is such a unique take on her as Shinki’s daughter, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything similar in regards to Alice’s origins and it’s amazing.

Each one of your muses shows how much thought you put into the characters you play and how dedicated you are to them. All of their trauma is very much real, and you portray it so well. There is never an easy fix to such problems, and you’ve done their struggles justice and shown just how hard it is to live with things like loss and abuse. Never does it feel like their trauma is overlooked or minimized, and their struggles with their demons and all the torment they’ve endured is very real, and how each one of them deals with their trauma in a different way shows such deep understanding of how different people react to things differently and everyone has their own way of coping.

I hope going into the next year that we’ll continue to RP together, there’s so much more I want to see and explore with your muses. You’re a great person, and I wish you all the best for the coming year.

@catacombofsouls​

Lina, we’ve only become mutuals rather recently compared to most on this list, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed talking with you over these past months. It’s great to have someone to scream about The Case Study of Vanitas and Pandora Hearts with. You’re friendly and easy to talk to, and you’re always up for whatever ideas I come up with, or happen to mention. Really, you’re a very kind person and I enjoy your company. I hope going forward we’ll continue to be friends and RP partners for the foreseeable future.

I know with my recent lack of motivation that our threads haven’t gotten very far. With any luck, I’ll be able to regain my motivation and write more frequently. You have so many muses I want to interact with, particularly your OCs. Light is a very interesting character and I want to interact with her at some point in the future. I have quite a few ideas, but I don’t want to overwhelm you or myself for that matter, so once I get our threads going again and I’m not in draft hell, I’ll come to you with some even more fucking up ideas!

Thank you for reading Ivalinne’s story! I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I hope you’ll stick around for the stories to come! I’m glad you like my characters and I hope you’ll continue to enjoy what I create going forward.

@mayohigan-orange​​ / @witchwaltzing​

Cobalt, I know you don’t think you’re a good writer and all, but you really are. You’re not only fun to RP with, but fun to talk to as well.

Reiko and Chen’s interactions have been a wild ride, and a highly amusing one at that. Chen has such a feisty personality and she’s not afraid to speak her mind, or to even cuss someone out, regardless of who they are. Though that seems to get her in trouble more often than not. Between her picking fights with all the wrong people, and her devotion to those she cares about, Chen is joy to have around. Even with Ivalinne, who she hardly knows, she’s promised to keep her safe and she won’t betray her word. She’s an admirable little kitten who tries her best. She’s still very childish and her lack of worldly experience shows with just how easily Reiko has been able to get things to go her way, which still astounds me since that’s entirely unplotted and we just go with the flow with our threads.

At first glance, your Chen appears to be just the cute cat often seen in fanon, but once you get to know her, you see that there’s more to her than just that. You’ve developed her character and given her depth. Her eagerness to prove herself, to live up to her Master’s name and legacy, how desperate she is to do so despite the risks. How protective she is of those close to her, and even those she’s only recently met. She’s a good girl with a strong heart and even stronger convictions, and how passionate she is shows in not only her words, but her actions as well.

You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re a great writer, and a fun RP partner who pushes themselves to do more. I seem to recall you not being too confident in fight threads, but here you are, writing one with me and doing it spectacularly. You’re dependable and reliable, probably one of the most reliable RP partners I’ve had the pleasure of writing with. You’ve never once dropped one of our threads, even though we have so many, and that’s something I greatly respect.

You’re a good friend. You’re easy to get along with, and you’re so casual and friendly, joking around and just overall are an enjoyable presence to have around. It makes me happy that you were so enthusiastic about Ivalinne’s story, to the point of wanting to change the ending. To have someone be so invested in something I wrote is amazing. I’ve done my job as a writer if I’ve made the reader feel for my characters and root for them, and I’m so glad you enjoyed it so much. Thank you for your support and your continued patronage, I hope you’ll continue to read my stories and continue to RP with me moving forwards into the coming year. Don’t doubt yourself, you’re a good writer, and I’m sure you’ll only get better as you go.

@soulwitch / @volatilepaths

Kako, you’re really just amazing on all fronts. You’re a great supportive friend, a calm voice of reason, and a wonderful and dedicated writer. You put so much of yourself into everything you do. You’re always there to help anyone who needs it, always willing to give advice and be there for those who are having a tough time, it’s really awe-inspiring just how much you give to not only the community as a whole, but to everyone you interact with. I know I’m frustrating to deal with at times, but you never give up on me, and I really appreciate that. So many others would have just been done with me, they wouldn’t have tried to work things out and make sure an understanding was reached. I’m really grateful for that. The problems I’ve come to you with, and you’ve helped me work through, I’m grateful for that, truly. You’re so friendly and accommodating, always wanting to make sure your partner is happy and comfortable, and that they’re enjoying how each and every thread goes. The way you put others needs ahead of your own is really admirable. You’re a great person, and you deserve all the best, really.

You writing is great, and your characters are amazing. You’re not afraid to delve into some really dark topics and that, in my opinion, takes a lot of courage. Jeanne is absolutely terrifying, through and through. She’s a great villain and a force to be reckoned with. A woman so utterly broken by all she’s been through that she’s become such a monster, one who cares not what evils she commits. She lies, she manipulates, she does whatever it takes to get what she wants, to satiate her desires. She’s a masterpiece of a villain, and I really need to find some way to get to see more of her. Reiko utterly despises her, and wants absolutely nothing to do with the woman, to stay as far away as she can and to keep Jeanne from encroaching upon her. They’ll never be able to get along thanks to Jeanne hitting upon the things she most abhors, so I’ll have to come up with something else, because I do want to interact with Jeanne. I want to see more of her, try to understand her better, she’s a character with a lot of depth, and I want to see more than just the surface.

Which brings me to the Redbellion event. Everything about that was amazing, Kako. From the story, to the interactivity, to the sheer size and the amount of time and thought put into everything. It was great and I’m glad to have been a part of it, even if it was only a small one due to my own anxieties. You were so helpful and accommodating, making sure I who was late to join, was able to get in on the action and feel like I made a difference in the event. I’m proud to have contributed, happy with what I got to do. It was fun reading through the various stories that came from it. I got invested in quite a few things and found my emotions swinging to the tune of your words. The androids that struggled to survive as they were divided between their mother and their nature as synthetic beings, Core who became a terrifying abomination, and Harune, who sacrificed all she held dear just to save this dying galaxy. It was a beautiful story and you did an amazing job bringing to life not just a single world, but an entire galaxy. It’s amazing what you did. You put so much time and effort into the whole thing. The sheer depth of your dedication and devotion is admirable. I could never hope to do something like that, let alone carry it all the way to the end. Your determination is amazing, and you have my deepest respect for your efforts.

You’re someone I look up to, someone I’m glad to know and happy to have the honor to write with. I know I haven’t been the best of RP partners, what with my sporadic activity and my flighty muses and motivation. I’m sorry for that, and I hope that I can do better in the coming year. You’re a great writer, an amazing person, and a wonderful friend, and you deserve all the best in the coming year.

@unhingedsea / @sophisticatedsuccubus / @justthatdamnrich / And more

Ellen, I know we haven’t spoken much recently, but I hope we’re still as close as we were a couple months ago. I miss having you check in on me and message me. I really enjoy your presence and love talking with you. Hearing about your ideas, how you’re branching out into fandomless OCs of your own setting, it makes me excited to see what you create. I hope you’ll bring them to tumblr so that we can interact and I can see more of them.

Your characters are a diverse mix of drastically different personalities. From Wada, who is batshit insane by any measure, to the shy and socially awkward 2pi, to the rage filled Klowni, you have such a varied mixture of characters. I’ve enjoyed the threads that we had, even though they were rather short-lived. I hope we’ll get to RP more in the coming year, I really want to see where things will go, especially with that thread between Reiko and Jo’on.

I know you’ve been struggling lately, feeling like what you’re doing has lost it’s appeal, and that you’ve lost touch with those who you once interacted with frequently, but I don’t think that’s the case. Everyone has been really busy lately for some reason, many people that were once frequent on the dash are active less these days, and it’s sad to see, but I don’t think it’s that they have lost interest in what you do. I for one haven’t, and I never will. You’re a joy to see on the dash and I hope you’ll come back and RP here more. I definitely want you around, and I’m sure others do too. So please, believe in yourself, I’m sure you can do it.

You’re such a great person. So friendly and welcoming, always cheering everyone on. You told me you swore to be that positive light for others, no matter what it takes, and that’s something amazing. Something I would never be able to do. I hope you won’t burn yourself out, because giving so much is a hard thing to do, especially in an unkind world. I hope you don’t give up, that you keep going and striving to be who you want to be. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here for you.

Thank you so much for being such a fan of Ivalinne’s story. When you told me that reading my writing, reading my story, motivated you into writing, I was honored. That my writing could have such a profound effect on someone, it’s unreal. I’m happy you enjoyed it and I hope you’ll continue to read as I write Eliyah’s story and more.

@fxtelism

Dennis, you’re a good friend and I’m grateful to have someone I can confide in about the things I can’t tell anyone else. You’re nice, friendly, and easy to talk to and get along with. I really appreciate your company.

Thanks to tumblr eating the notifications of our threads at every turn, we haven’t made much progress RP wise, but hopefully that will change in the coming year. I want to see more of your characters and get to know them, get more interactions, and develop our muses further. Leon is really sweet and it’s adorable how much of a flustered mess he is, it’s great. Soft boys are good! Manifestation is very interesting, an opposite to the kind and friendly person who he was created from. I’m curious to see where things could go with both of them. If just tumblr would stop eating notifications.

Now then, Ivalinne’s story. Thank you so much for reading. You have no idea how much it means to me. When you were reading and mentioned that one thing, I was so excited to see you get to the end. Having someone realize and notice things really is great. Probably the best feeling I’ve ever felt. I hope you enjoyed her journey and will continue to read the stories I’ll tell in the future, because I’ve got plenty more to tell!

@echointheforest

Marii, you’re a great friend, and thank you for all your support. You’re so welcoming and easy to talk to about literally anything. I never feel awkward talking to you about things, even though I sometimes worry I bother you too much.

ReiMarii is love, ReiMarii is life. I adore our ship. It’s the first ship I’ve ever had, and it’s been amazing. Thank you so much for introducing me to shipping, I’m so grateful for it. Shipping is so much fun, so full of feels, and I love it. I hope shipping with Reiko hasn’t been too angsty for you, it seems that no matter what, everything comes up bittersweet, and I hope that doesn’t upset you. I love how Reiko and Marii are together, it’s adorable. Everyone else only sees the surface, the bitchy exterior that woman presents to the world. and they  write her off as that being all there is to her. But there’s so much more to her than what’s on the surface, and exploring all that lies beneath it with you has been one of the greatest pleasures of this past year. Every interaction has been wonderful, I love every minute of it and I hope we’ll continue to interact more in the coming year.

I know you worry a lot about whether you’re a good RP partner, and while I’ve already said my piece on it to you, I’ll say it again. You’re a great RP partner. You’re in no way a shitty RP partner. You’re a joy to write with and I love interacting with you. Life has been hectic for you recently, but I hope it will calm down, so you don’t have to be so stressed and exhausted all the time. You’re a great person and you deserve the best. I hope we’ll continue to be friends and continue to interact through next year as well.

You’re the first person, and so far the only, to see Reiko’s core. You’ve seen a side of her no one else has experienced. Marii’s touched her heart, reached through the ice and rust and connected with her on a level not even she thought was possible anymore. If things continue the way they’ve been going, she might even end up telling Marii about her past, so I hope we’ll get to explore more and more of their relationship, sink the claws of love deeper into her heart. Maybe Marii can make her realize that being who she is isn’t as bad a thing as she thinks it is, maybe she could help her to accept that she’s not damaged or broken beyond repair. That she’s worth the love the youkai has given her. I want to see it, someone be able to reach her, to tell her it’s fine.

So I hope we’ll continue to write in the coming year, that we’ll continue to develop this tender, beautiful relationship between dark and light, because I’m excited to see where it goes. How deep it will get and how close they’ll become. The future is bright, and hopefully Marii can teach Reiko that as well.

@johnny-writes

Johnny, I know your retirement date is quickly approaching, and I’m sorry I haven’t fulfilled what I promised. I said I’d put priority on our threads, but I failed to deliver, and I apologize for that. I wish we could have had more threads, that I had met you sooner so we could have done more. It saddens me that soon, we won’t get to write together anymore. I’m going to miss you as an RP partner. I hope we can continue to be friends though, even if you’ll be leaving the RP community.

I know Mara and Tojava weren’t exactly planned characters for you. They were created from a meme and it all started from there. I like both of them, the concepts and tropes they’re meant to explore. I was looking forward to you writing their story, and though you got derailed during NaNoWriMo, I hope you’ll continue to work towards the completion of their tale.

The thread between Reiko and Mara was a very interesting one. I’m sorry my bitch of a muse made Mara cry, she didn’t deserve that at all and I still feel bad about it, but I enjoyed the thread nonetheless. Feels are fun, no matter what form they come in. The thread between Ivalinne and Kazuma was fun too, it’s a shame it won’t get to continue to the ending I had planned. It would have been a chance to show Ivalinne is more clever than most probably assume due to how most of her threads have gone. It’s a shame it will never come to pass.

Speaking of Ivalinne, thank you for reading her story! I appreciate your interest. When you told me you got hooked after the first two parts, I was overjoyed. I’m glad you liked it, and I hope you’ll continue to read Eliyah’s story as I write it.

You’re a good friend, a logical voice of reason, and I’m grateful for that. I know I’m not always the most reasonable person out there, but it really helps when there’s someone that can talk some sense into me. Thank you for your support this past year. I’ll miss having you around on the dash, sending asks in to my characters and I’ll miss seeing your characters around. But just because they aren’t around doesn’t mean that they don’t exist anymore. I look forward to seeing the story you tell with them, and I wish you all the luck with your plans for the future.

@geisthonoredferry

Koma, we’ve only met recently, but honestly you’re great. You’re so supportive of everyone, what with your little handwritten notes to people and all the positivity you spread, you’re a great influence on this community. This place needs lights like you, people that care about others and support them no matter what. You’re a blessing and I’m happy to call you my friend.

I hope in the coming year that we’ll be able to get some more interactions going. My motivation to write has been very low recently, and I’ve been overwhelmed by the sheer amount of drafts I have, but I’m not gonna give up! I’m going to reply to everything and keep moving forward.

Thank you for reading Ivalinne’s story, I’m glad you liked it and I hope that you’ll continue to read the things I put out and enjoy them all the same.

I really appreciate how much you care, how you check in on me to see how I’m doing, how you send positive little messages in the server and how you’re always doing your best to spread that cheer. You’re great, really. As both a writer and a friend. Though you should really stop lying to people and saying I’m cute. You’re the cute one here, not me.

@weaverstale / @draconianmyths

Kirbs, you’re great, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You’re so caring and compassionate, always concerned for everyone else and supporting them with positivity. Thank you for your support. I do appreciate it, really, even if I believe myself unworthy, it does make my day better. Don’t ever stop being that way.

We’ve both been low on writing motivation lately, and that really sucks. I want to RP more with you. Orochi is very interesting, and my dumb thot of a muse can’t resist an attractive man. Or an attractive women, as Konoe proves. She really just can’t resist attractive people in general really. I hope going into the next year that we’ll be able to have more threads and interactions.

You’re a good friend and you’re easy to talk to. I know at times our...interests in conversation topics just don’t always match, I apologize for that. I am but a shy nervous bean, naive and innocent about such topics. Regardless, I do enjoy talking to you, and I hope we’ll continue to be friends in the future.

@magicaldreaming​

Xana, I know we’ve only become mutuals recently, but I’ve really enjoyed speaking with you. I love hearing about your OCs, it’s fascinating. You’re easy to talk to and really chill, and I appreciate that. I hope we’ll continue to talk and be friends in the coming year.

As for RPs, you’re an amazing writer with some amazing muses. Krolia was one of the first I seen, through your threads with another blog I follow. Krolia immediately caught my eye, she’s very strange in a curious and interesting way. She’s an ancient being with a love for modern technology, idol music, and junk food, and it’s adorable.I really want to have a thread with her someday, once I manage to get my draft situation under control. I hope to see more of her, she’s really interesting.

But probably my favorite muse of yours currently is Celia. I read along with her threads in Redbellion, and honestly, they were my favorite. I love her journey throughout the event, going from an emotionless killing machine intent to cleanse all biological life from the universe, to realizing the true beauty of life, and realizing she had set in motion the destruction of an entire galaxy full of it. How she fought so desperately as the end of all was looming over her, how much she regretted what she had done, and how badly she wished to right the wrongs she committed. How she gave her all to save people. to protect them from the menace she had unleashed, and how she gave her life, her light, in order to save everyone. The woman that once sought to exterminate all life sacrificed her own to save what remained, and that is beautiful. I teared up when she started to fade into slumber and go dormant. You did an amazing job building up her character and her development was spectacular. I look forward to see where she goes from here, now that her outlook on the world has so drastically changed. With any luck, I’ll regain my motivation and be able to see that hope through with our thread!

All in all, you’re a great writer, never doubt your talent. It really shows a writer’s skill when they make you feel for and root for an evil character. That’s so much harder to accomplish than simply having the reader side with the hero. Any writer that can do that has my respect, just as you do.

@fragmentedsilhouette

Sage, I know you’re not really on tumblr much anymore, but I’m going to list you here anyways. You’re a good friend, calm, easy to talk to, and your company is enjoyable. I should really talk to you more.

I miss seeing Amaeris on the dash, she really was a great character. Well thought out and of questionable moral standing (Wait a second most of the characters I’ve spoken of here have been that way...Do I have a thing for that type?!) A shadow of her former self, literally. A deceased ruler of an ancient empire aiming to regain her former glory and rebuild her kingdom anew, so that she may reclaim what she had in life. You put a lot of thought into her and I wanted to see where she would go, if she’d ever be able to take back what was taken from her.

I hope one day we can write together again. The brief instances when we did were enjoyable. Maybe sometime next year? Who knows, but one can hope!

@moonternity

Lilli, we may have never gotten to RP on tumblr, and we might not have RPed all that much in general, but I think you deserve to be mentioned here as well.

When we first met two years ago, you hated my guts and told me straight out. I admired that honesty, since honesty is something I value. You gained my respect by being so honest about your feelings. I wanted to be friends with such an honest person, someone who wouldn’t lie to me and who’d tell me flat out if I fucked up. So I wanted to win you over, and as you know, I did, and that made me so happy.

I’m glad to be your friend. Happy that you want me around. It means a lot to me, truly. I enjoy your company, the fun we’ve had with the campaign, and even just talking to you. Thank you for being my friend, for giving me my first D&D experience, and for just being you.

---

And thank you to all my followers, both on the RP Side Blog where I actually do all of my writing and to all the followers here, whether you’ve just followed the wrong blog or not! Thank you for your support! I hope I can continue to write more and more in the years to come!

Happy New Year to you all!

[moonlitgleek]

Thank god someone finally said it! Catelyn was a HORRIBLE wife, a worse mother, and an even worse person. The most tragic and overlooked aspect of Ned's story is that he got saddled with her. It made his life miserable, and brought ruin to his house and seven kingdoms as a whole. Getting his head cut off might even be a mercy compared to coming back home and living the rest of his life with THAT. Then again, if it weren't for her, his head wouldn't have been cut in the first place.

Sometimes I really hate this damn site.

You know, it’s people like you that cripple discussion of nuanced or complicated characters through the tendency to take every bit of criticism as a confirmation of your hate and an invitation to spew it all over everyone. I shouldn’t be wary of openly criticizing a character for fear that those who hate them would misconstrue my words and use it to fuel their nonsense arguments, which happens near every time I think to criticize someone, especially when it’s a female character. Even when I specifically say that that I don’t think this character a bad person like in this case. Did you miss the last paragraph of my post? Did you miss the entirety of @secretlyatargaryen‘s post? Because it has been reiterated that Cat is not a bad person or a bad mother. The point is not to bash Catelyn as you seem interested in doing but to point out that her actions with Jon are wrong and that they affected more than just Jon. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that someone who calls a woman “that” as if she is some thing and who seems invested in blaming her for everything she does is only interested in using our criticism to disparage and vilify Cat.

By the way, your message is as factually inaccurate as it is disgusting, anon. Let’s break it down.

Fallacy #1: Ned was saddled with Catelyn.

In a society that cares not a whit about women’s consent or feelings, it’s almost amusing that you think that it’s the man who gets saddled with the woman. Between Ned and Catelyn, guess which one had any kind of power in the situation? Ned. Hoster Tully might have demanded that Ned honor the betrothal to Catelyn as a price for his support in the war but it was still Ned’s choice to accept or refuse. But the rebels needed the Riverlands if they wanted to win the war, you say. Sure, and Ned made a choice for strategic reasons, but he still had the space to make the choice. Do you think that Catelyn did? Do you think Hoster bothered to ask her if she minded marrying the brother of the guy that she has been betrothed to for years and grew up expecting to marry? Do you think he bothered to consider that it’s callous to marry his daughter off so soon after her betrothed died and to his own brother? And even if he did, a woman who was raised with Family, Duty, Honor so hammered into her psyche and who, like every other woman in Westeros, was raised on how her place was to marry someone of her father’s choosing stands no chance. The system is broken and Catelyn Tully is as much its victim as any other woman in Westeros.

Fallacy #2: Catelyn made Ned miserable and his death was a mercy compared to being with her.

What an egregious (and delusional) thing to say that Ned is better off dead than being with the woman he loves and the children he adores. What an awful thing to say that anything pertaining to Ned’s death is a mercy. The man’s death was a knife to the hearts of his wife and children, but you think it’s better for him than the company of the wife he literally spends a book yearning for. That’s messed up.

I don’t know what book you’ve read or what you’re basing your claims on, but in my copy, Ned Stark is a man who clearly loves and values his wife as a person. He builds a sept for her because he respects her and wants her to have the comfort of her gods. There is a great deal of affection and comfort that shines through their interactions, and clear evidence in Catelyn’s second chapter in AGoT that Ned seeks and enjoys her company. In my copy, I see a guy who shows tremendous political trust in his wife that he leaves Winterfell and the North in her hands when he leaves with the expectation that she would continue Robb’s education and who trusts her to start mobilizing the Northern banners. I see a guy who reacts in wonderment to seeing Catelyn in King’s Landing, and constantly reflects on how he wishes he is with her during his tenure as Hand. I see Catelyn occupying Ned’s thoughts in his imprisonment that one of his regrets is that he’ll never see her again. If that’s being miserable, sign me up. For more of Ned’s so-called misery in his marriage, please refer to this post.

But Jon Snow, right? Yes, but Jon Snow. Jon’s presence has always been a point of conflict between Ned and Cat but that does not change the nature of their relationship. No one says that a loving happy marriage doesn’t have its problems or that it has to be perpetually conflict-free. Also, don’t forget that Jon’s presence in Winterfell was by Ned’s own decision. I’m not saying that Ned was wrong to bring Jon to Winterfell and I’m very sympathetic to his reasons and respectful of his desire to do right by an innocent child, I have a lot of respect for the man precisely because he acted as a father to Jon and gave him a family. But I’m under no illusion that this didn’t come at Catelyn’s expense, which is something that Ned himself was aware of. I am critical of how Cat treated Jon Snow, but it’s important to see that she wasn’t in the best situation either, because this is just another sign of how little control or say she had, even in her own home. The entire situation was inherently imperfect but while I do fault Cat for taking out her lack of control on the one person who had less control that she did and who also happens to be an innocent child, I’m not unsympathetic to her pain and anger over Ned’s indiscretions or to her fear for her children. The patriarchy says that Catelyn should accept that her husband would cheat on her, that this is a situation that she has to accept and has no right to change because her husband has the power, that she can’t be angry and resentful of Ned for the situation. For the sake of her marriage, for the sake of her children, Catelyn had to let go of her anger towards Ned but that anger does not disappear just because she pushed it down, so she redirected it onto the living reminder of her husband’s nominal infidelity who also happens to be a reminder of her lack of control. That is not an excuse for her actions with Jon that are objectively wrong but it is an explanation that shows that Catelyn is not inherently a bad person. She is a victim of her society and its social construct, which is one reason that makes her abuse of Jon gutting to me, since Jon is also a victim of their society and its social construct. Cat took her own disadvantage on the one person who was more disadvantaged than her. I can’t fault anyone for having negative feelings towards her over that particular situation since she was essentially kicking down at Jon and taking her problems out on a child, but this is far more complicated than “Catelyn is an evil person”.

Fallacy #3: Catelyn was a bad mother and person.

People are more complicated than the binary of “infallible” and “monster” that you seem to be operating on. Good people can make grievous mistakes regardless of their good intentions, and it’s not like those mistakes suck out their morality with them. Catelyn’s parenting wasn’t perfect. She pressures Arya to conform out of a conventional viewpoint and a desire to see her daughter lead a good life (as does Ned, btw), but ends up harming Arya. Her grief over Bran’s fall and coma and her exhaustion in keeping a vigil by his bedside puts pressure on Robb and hurts Rickon. Her abuse of Jon echoes through the family and inadvertently hurts her own children. Even the well-intentioned fail sometimes. Would you care to hear about the times Ned did too?

However, it remains that Catelyn’s entire character is build around her love for her family and her dedication to her children. She throws herself between an armed man and her comatose child with no thought to her life. She is constantly tormented by her distance from Bran and Rickon and blames herself for not being there for them. She is literally the only one who thinks that Sansa and Arya’s lives are worth trading against Jaime Lannister’s. She wants nothing but to send Robb to safety when she meets up with his army but recognizes that this would be extremely bad for his position. She bargains for Robb’s life while injured and spares no thought to her own life in the process. She refuses to accept that Arya is dead and holds out hope for her return. She champions Robb’s cause and does her level best to guide him, but also affords him space to grown on his own and is greatly proud of his leadership. No, I don’t consider Cat a bad parent at all, even with her mistakes. Those errors were a result of parental frailty and misguided protectiveness.

Questioning Cat’s personality in general doesn’t hold up either. She defends and befriends Brienne. She tries to reassure Edmure that their father loves and is proud of him. She feels guilty after Rickard Karstark kills the Lannister prisoners and feels his accusations acutely. She empathizes with Jeyne and reassures her of her place despite her displeasure with the marriage. She feels sadness for Mya Stone’s innocence over her doomed love with Mychel Redfort. There are places where Cat’s empathy fail her but if I denounce everyone who has a moment of failed empathy or who ever does a morally questionable thing, I’d be dismissing every single character in this entire series as a bad person. There are no perfect people in GRRM’s narrative, so what makes Cat’s imperfections specifically worthy of condemnation?

Fallacy #4: Catelyn should be blamed for Ned’s death, the ruin of House Stark and the Seven Kingdoms.

Right. Tyrion’s arrest. That did not start the war because the war was already in the works before the royal family even arrives in Winterfell.

I’m growing increasingly irritated with the tendency to blame any random Stark for the war which builds on deliberate dismissal of what everyone else was doing that led to the war. Sorry to say but the war was inevitable even if Catelyn never seizes Tyrion. It was inevitable because Stannis knew that the royal children were illegitimate and was preparing for war. It was inevitable because Renly knew that the royal children were illegitimate and was preparing for his own takeover. That guarantees a showdown with Tywin and the rest of the Lannisters no matter what, and puts Stannis and Renly on opposite sides. Don’t forget that Littlefinger and Varys were invested in pitting the Starks and the Lannisters against each other for their own gain as well. The entire situation was a powder keg waiting to blow long before any Stark stepped a foot in King’s Landing.

Blaming Catelyn, or any Stark really, for the War of the Five Kings and all it brought only serves to exonerate those who are responsible for it. Jaime and Cersei have an affair, pass their children as royal heirs and kill to maintain that fallacy. Jaime pushes Bran out of a window and Joffrey tries to have him killed. Cersei plots to have Robert killed and puts her plan into motion before Ned even finds out about the twincest. Baelish encourages Lysa to poison Jon Arryn and frame the Lannisters, then lies about the owner of the dagger used in the attempt of Bran’s life. He betrays Ned to Cersei and conspires till he gets Joffrey to kill Ned. Tywin Lannister sends men to burn and pillage the Riverlands, then plans with the Freys and the Boltons to murder Robb and his army at a wedding. Balon Greyjoy decides that avenging himself on a dead man is the height of power and embarks on an idiotic campaign in the North. Theon betrays the Starks and seizes Winterfell. Imagine having all that awfulness and all these contributing players to the war, but somehow finding the war Catelyn’s fault. Yes, I know the reasoning is that her arrest of Tyrion put the Starks and the Lannisters in open conflict and “made” Tywin attack the Riverlands. Except that Catelyn is not responsible for the fact that the Lannister go-to method is to commit war crimes and go stabby. A normal person could have protested Tyrion’s arrest to the king and painted the Starks as the aggressors but no, Tywin Lannister makes his own laws and he chooses to take it out on the Tullys’ smallfolk. That’s on him. Also, are we going to pretend that the Starks and the Lannisters weren’t already poised for a conflict after two attacks on Bran’s life? Or that Ned’s discovery of the twincest and his execution on Joffrey’s orders wasn’t going to drag the Starks into the war anyway?

Fun fact: of all the fighting factions in the War of the Five Kings, it’s Catelyn Stark who tries repeatedly to put a stop to the war. She pleads for peace in Robb’s council. She tries to broker an alliance between Robb and Renly, and points out that no one but Robb is doing a thing to protect the people against the Lannisters. She tries to get the Baratheon brothers to unify and reach an accord because common sense says that they all of them have the same enemy, and their conflict benefits no one but the Lannisters. Catelyn does not start the war, but she sure tries to end it. Sadly, no one listens to her.

Now please don’t come to me again with your victim-blaming, character bashing arguments.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Juice Ortiz character analysis 

My current re-watch of Sons of Anarchy has truly opened my eyes to the complexities and potential of Juice’s character and arc, the unfair ways in which he was mistreated and injustices he suffered to the point that I had to make a post to explore this more in-depth. 

Warning: This post discusses sensitive issues such as mental health and suicide. There are also mentions of rape/abuse.

Juice’s character arc is such an important exploration of men’s mental health (which is particularly, raw at the moment with the awareness that has been raised of male suicide with the campaigns encouraging men to embrace and speak about their mental health) and what it means to suffer in silence based on notions of “masculinity”. It showcases the deep conflict one can have in regards to their identity when they live in a world that tells them everything they are is wrong or unnatural. His character arc was so distinctive and unique in comparison to the other character arcs in the series and it’s sad that it wasn’t given the attention or respect it deserved. I’m going to explore all of this more in-depth below, but you can also watch a very interesting character analysis on Juice which neatly covers his arc across the seven seasons. That analysis will be particularly useful in covering the chronology of Juice’s character and the various arcs he goes on throughout the season. 

The first thing that sticks out about Juice is that from the very beginning he didn’t really seem to belong in the club. Out of all of the members, he was the one that appeared to be the most “normal”, in the context of not being a naturally violent, cruel, immoral or malicious person. Throughout the series we saw all of the members go up against their conscience and morals at some point and struggle with the mental and emotional trauma of hurting and killing but none of them seemed to carry that burden as much as Juice (x). It was clear that he was considered the “soft” one of the group or, to put it bluntly, the runt of the litter (x). There were numerous occasions across the series where he was used or manipulated by a member or outsider (Roosevelt in season 4, Clay in season 5, Jax in season 5 and onwards, Gemma in season 7 and the list could go on) simply because he was perceived to be pliable. 

This softer and more vulnerable side to Juice is directly linked to why he was mistreated by the rest of the club (not that it justifies it at all, because it doesn’t). This post highlights the fact that Juice was overlooked, unappreciated and ignored within the club. There are also instances where Juice was the butt of the club’s jokes (x), which can be perceived as just “laddish banter”, but was actually a reflection of his social standing within the club. Based on a hierarchical structure, with the President at the top and Prospect(s) at the bottom, Juice was one tier above the Prospect. Since there were never any flashbacks and only tiny snippets of information regarding Juice’s past and the history of the club, the assumption is that based on his age and his treatment, Juice was the newest member of the club and had recently been patched in before season 1 began. However, it doesn’t explain why his position within that hierarchy remained static for the entirety of the series, whilst the other members were constantly shifting up and down in comparison. Regardless, his lowly status can be seen in the way in which the club treated him, such as in season 2 when they used him to lure out Dion in prison in exchange for club protection. Not only did that incident have the potential to go very wrong (Dion could have sexually assaulted or raped Juice or he could have turned physically violent when Juice rejected him) but it wound up with Juice getting stabbed. 

Season 4 was the point at which Juice’s character arc took a very dramatic twist when Sheriff Roosevelt used Juice’s African American heritage (his biological father is African American) to blackmail him to provide intel on the club. This was a source of conflict and trauma for Juice due to SAMCRO’s rule that no member could be of African American origin. Juice, knowing this rule, was probably tormented about knowing his father was African American anyway and it must have always been lingering in the back of his mind what the club would do if they found out. The fact that he was so terrified of rejection and that the club would cast him out just on the basis of his father’s ethnicity is a reflection of how poorly Juice was treated by the club. Why did he think that his own brothers, friends and family would violently and cruelly turn on him in such a manner, even with the rule about African American’s in place? It shows how undervalued Juice felt, that he thought he was dispensable and that the care the other members had for him was rooted directly into his usefulness as a member rather than who he was as a person. All of the members had at least one member in the club that was a true friend, someone they could rely on to have their back no matter what they did, except Juice. Chibs appeared to be the most supportive member towards Juice and accepted him when Juice admitted his father was African American and supported him after his suicide attempt by not telling the club (except Jax). But even still, that friendship had its limits and Juice knew that. 

Season 4 was where Juice’s psyche really started to break due to Roosevelt’s blackmail. He stole a brick of cocaine from the club (and by extension the Cartel) to bring to Roosevelt and when the hunt for who had stolen it started, Juice began to crumble under the pressure and guilt. He didn’t want someone that was innocent to take the rap for what he had done, but likewise, he was terrified of being caught himself. The end result was that he and Miles got into a fight which wound up with Juice killing Miles and placing the blame on him. The trauma of killing Miles, the overwhelming guilt, paranoia and million and one other emotions were too much for Juice to bear. One of the episodes soon after he had killed Miles opened with him crouching beneath the tree where it happened, frantically reciting a prayer and asking for God’s forgiveness. Seeing no other way out he attempted to take his own life and only survived because the branch he had hung himself from snapped. That is how dark a place Juice got to - he couldn’t see any other way out of his predicament. He knew if SAMCRO found out how deeply he had betrayed them, they would do so much worse than simply kill him and he knew there was no one he could turn to to support him through such a horrendous ordeal. 

Juice’s battle with mental health was a central part of his story, piquing in season 4 and continuing until the end of season 7. After his first suicide attempt, things for Juice continued to unravel. Juice received little to no emotional understanding or support, not even from Chibs entirely. His suicide attempt was treated like a dirty, shameful secret only adding more to Juice’s shame and loneliness and therefore, worsening his fragile mental and emotional state. In fact, upon finding Juice trying to hide the evidence of his suicide attempt Chibs yelled at him and called him a coward whilst Jax said, “Sons don’t kill themselves.” To make matters even worse, when Jax found out that Juice’s biological father was African American and his dealings with Roosevelt in season 4, he used it against Juice and once again Juice was emotionally blackmailed which led to added further to the emotional and mental distress he suffered. Juice’s fragile mental state was very obvious, with him crying and expressing increasingly dark emotions more often than most of the other characters (x) (x) and it was only made worse by the fact that those around him sought to exploit that fragility for their own benefit. Even in season 7, after he sacrificed everything to protect Gemma from the club finding out that she killed Tara, he was still mistreated. Viewing him as a liability and risk to her safety, Gemma tried to kill him and although Wendy and Wayne helped him stay hidden, their support was as flimsy as Chibs’. By that point, Juice really hit rock bottom. The club always acted as the family he never had, but he had all but destroyed any ties he had to the club through his actions (which in reality, weren’t directly his fault since he was manipulated and exploited by others) and the few people he had in his corner (Gemma, Wendy and Wayne) still had the capacity to betray him or turn him over to the club. 

Despite Juice having his own plots and character arc throughout the series, he was always treated like a second class citizen within the writing itself. I’ve already spoke of the way in which Juice was always renegaded to the bottom of the pyramid within the club, but that poor treatment remained consistent and was an inherent part of the writing for Juice’s character. The biggest indicator of this was the way Juice’s experience of suicide was treated in comparison to Jax’s. Within SOA and the writing, Juice’s suicide attempt was branded cowardly and “un-Son-like”, whilst Jax’s suicide was regarded as heroic and brave, with the entire club essentially giving him their blessing to go off and kill himself. Jax’s death represented peace and in comparison to the suffering Juice endured in prison with multiple beatings and rapes, it was peaceful. Yet Jax’s actions throughout the series were so much worse than Juice’s. Whether it was intentional or not is up for debate, but from my interpretation Juice wasn’t written as a sympathetic character in the same way Jax was. I’ll throw my hands up and admit that I didn’t even like Juice for a long time (I didn’t dislike him, I was merely indifferent to him) and at times I totally bought into him being the bad guy that betrayed the club. But now looking from a new perspective I can see that Juice was a victim much more than Jax or any other character on the show was. Whilst Jax often acted of his own accord and made the decisions he wanted to or thought were best, Juice was backed into a corner - manipulated, coerced or threatened into making decisions against his conscience or morals. 

Juice Ortiz is representative of what can be achieved when a writer is willing to delve into a person’s psyche and push the boundaries, but also shows the disappointment that can come from a character’s potential not being entirely fulfilled. Whilst Juice’s arc resonated with so many people (and still does), it was consistently brushed aside in favour of other plots and/or characters. Juice’s arc could have been a fantastic exploration of men’s mental health and whilst it was at times, it just fell short of the mark, in my opinion. It didn’t quite go far enough, didn’t explore how and why Juice came to be in that place and Sutter seemed more concerned with pushing him into a corner and branding him a bad guy or making him scapegoat than giving him the screen time he deserved. Nonetheless, I’ve come to see the greatness of Juice’s character and his importance within the show, despite the fact that within the SOA universe and writing he was often cast into the background or overshadowed by bigger characters such as Jax. Along with this, I have also had my eyes open to the brutally unjust treatment Juice was subjected to by the characters and writers and although SOA is one of my favourite shows, I can’t help but critique the lack of opportunity Juice had to redeem himself and receive a second chance. The moment he teamed up with Roosevelt in season 4 it seemed that his fate was sealed and from that moment forward he was doomed to be branded a traitor and a coward. Although Juice was a recurring character that featured across the 7 seasons the show ran, he has often been overlooked or forgotten (even by myself), but I’m so glad I have come to appreciate and understand the importance of Juice’s character. SOA is a show where no good could exist and every character that featured was morally grey, but Juice was arguably one of the only truly good-hearted people on the show and was a victim of circumstance.

[preserving-ferretbrain]

The Victim Dilemma

by Dan H

Tuesday, 03 March 2009

Dan continues to overuse the word “paradox” and to be rude about Joss Whedon~

I’m going to start with an anecdote.

One of the only times I have ever actually had my mind changed about something by the simple act of having somebody explain their point of view to me was when I found a friend of mine wearing one of those white “make poverty history” wristbands.

I never liked the slogan. I thought it was idealistic to the point of naïveté. You might as well carry a banner saying “end injustice now” or “bad things should stop happening.” What my friend explained to me, and I think he was totally right, was that “Make Poverty History” wasn’t about a directionless call for “something” do be done, it was a way of saying “poverty is a problem to be solved, not something to wring your hands about.”

If we high-minded wealthy liberals are honest with ourselves, we tend to think of Africa as “the country the poor people come from.” On some level we all believe that starvation and suffering are what Africa is for. It’s nobody’s fault that millions of people starve to death despite the fact that there is, in fact, enough food to go around, it’s just the way of the world and anyway, if people stopped dropping dead in Ethiopia, what would Lenny Henry do with his time. “Make Poverty History” was a way of saying that our usual way of thinking about poverty is, in fact, totally fucked up.

This brings us back, by a commodius vicus of recirculation, to Joss Whedon, Dollhouse and The Portrayal of Women (tm). Just to be clear here, my aim here isn’t to knock Whedon, it isn’t to make him out to be a misogynist, or to “prove” that he isn’t the great big feminist he says he is. It’s just that ol’ JW is the best case in point for what is a very, very difficult issue.

Taking the Country Out the Boy: The Issue with “Ex”

One of the things that people have identified as “skeevy” (to borrow a term from FB poster Viorica) about Dollhouse is that so far most of the women portrayed in it have been victims of some sort, the classic example here being the first episode, in which Eliza Dushku’s character is programmed with the personality of a hostage negotiator whose entire career was a reaction against the fact that she, as a child, was abducted and abused.

Others have pointed out that this was actually totally okay, because she responded to the abuse by becoming a strong, independent woman, and was ultimately able to take on her abuser and defeat him (although “she” was now Eliza, programmed with the other woman’s memories).

Now I can totally see the argument that says that a story about a woman who grows stronger in response to a traumatic experience is an empowering one. The idea that this woman took a horrific experience and made something positive out of it is arguably both powerful and affirming, and you could certainly make the case that by overcoming her abuser she ceases to be a victim.

The problem I have is that an ex-victim is, to my mind, still a victim.

Look at it this way. Virtually every procedural show (be it police, medical, whatever) has the Obligatory Ex Criminal (often also filling the role of Obligatory Ethnic Minority). The ex-criminal used to live on the wrong side of the law, but has since “gone straight” and become a cop/doctor/interstellar revolutionary/whatever.

But, when you get right down to it, their job in the series is to do the criminal stuff. They pick people’s pockets, break into places the plot needs them to get into, and generally act like the Thief in a traditional D&D party. The same goes for anybody who is ex-military, ex-CIA, ex-vampire or ex-priest, the thing which they are “ex” defines their character as completely as the thing they do currently, arguably more so. The woman Eliza gets patched into her brain in the first episode of Dollhouse isn’t a hostage negotiator who happens to be female and happens to be an abuse survivor, she’s a female-abuse-survivor-turned hostage negotiator. The character is still defined primarily by the abuse, if only because without it, the episode would be stripped of most of its conflict and therefore most of its point.

On Victimhood: The Heath Ledger Effect

When Heath Ledger died, the newspapers basically all said the same thing. He was a great actor, tormented by his personal demons, and his death was a tragic waste of a great talent. It’s the same when any actor dies, particularly if suicide is suspected. He was just too driven, too talented, too dedicated to his art. His genius was rooted in a very real darkness, and so on.

You might have noticed the use of the masculine pronoun above. Admittedly I do sometimes use “he” for gender-neutrality (there go my feminist credentials) but in this case I do mean it quite specifically.

When a famous woman dies, particularly if suicide is suspected, it's a whole different story. We are not told about her towering genius, and women absolutely never have personal demons. Instead we are told about how a poor, innocent girl was drawn all unknowing into the machinery of fame, and was helpless to prevent herself being chewed up and spat out like tobacco. Candle In the Wind makes references to Norma Jeane being “hounded,” “set on a treadmill,” “lonely,” and of course “never knowing who to cling to.” Not once does it point out that she was also quite a good actress.

Famous people go off the rails, but when a man goes off the rails, we focus on the loss of his potential, we say “has the man who did all these amazing things really come to this?” When a woman goes off the rails, we say “oh how sad, and to think she was once somebody's little girl.” When a man dies, or goes mad, or both we mourn the loss of his talent. When a woman dies or goes mad we mourn the loss of, for want of a better word, her femininity. We always think, just for a moment, how much happier she would have been if she'd just found a nice man and settled down.

This is one of those situations where I think there's Something Important here but I'm not entirely sure what it is. The problem is that, in general, women do have a tougher time of it than men, so chances are Marilyn Monroe really did have a tougher life than James Dean, but the fact remains that we remember one as a great actor whose life was cut short by a car accident, and the other as a tragic example of innocence crushed by the Hollywood machine.

The problem is that women, because of the nature of society, have slightly less control over their lives than men, and slightly fewer choices. This is a bad thing. The problem is, if you fixate too much on the (real, occasional) powerlessness of women you wind up presenting a situation where women, because of their gender, are incapable of controlling their lives, or making their own choices.

To put it another way, isn't Elton John singing “Hollywood made you a superstar,” just a little bit insulting to old Norma Jeane Mortenson?

The Paradox: Life Imitates Art Imitates Life

Much as I love dissing Joss Whedon for his various airs and graces, he's in a bugger of an impossible position.

If he ignores the victimization of women, he's not really doing his job as a “feminist,” but if he portrays it, he's only reinforcing the kind of stereotypes he's trying to fight against.

It all comes back to the problem with Africa or, to put it another way, Russell's “Superior Virtue of the Oppressed.” Put simply, we like to see other people suffer, not because we are cruel but because it allows us to feel secure in ourselves. We construct convenient fictions for ourselves – like the old classic about how blind people's other senses get razor-sharp to “compensate” for their lack of sight. We invest victimhood with virtue, and that is extremely dangerous.

Regular ferretbrainers will probably be familiar with our

Fantasy Rape Watch

feature. One of the fantasy rape clichés that I have a particularly hard time dealing with is the one you might call “Rape as Rite of Passage”. It's worryingly common in fantasy for female protagonists to get raped, and for this to form a crucial part of her development “as a woman” and contribute to her unlocking her true potential. It's just plain freaky, but it's really easy to see where it comes from.

When you are confronted with somebody who has suffered terribly, be they an abuse victim, a holocaust survivor, or whatever, one of the only ways we can cope with it is to convince yourselves that the sheer fact of their survival makes them admirable. Ironically it's a form of dehumanisation, we cope with the suffering of others by convincing ourselves that they are so inferior or so superior that we don't have to care what happens to them. The alternative is to accept just how awful, cruel and pointless the world can really be.

There is a very real danger in presenting “women who triumph in the wake of abuse” as role models or icons of female empowerment. In fact there are several very real dangers.

For a start, it passes an implicit judgement on people who survive abuse but are just plain broken by it: Eliza Dushku can get over it, why can't you? I would be interested in seeing the statistics, but I strongly suspect that in real life, being abducted and sexually abused makes you less likely to become a roaring success, not more likely. I also rather suspect that if you applied to train as a hostage negotiator and said that the reason you wanted to do it was because you were abducted as a child, they wouldn't even interview you (I understand that medical schools frequently reject people for citing “because I lost person X to disease Y” as their reason for applying).

And of course it also passes an implicit judgement on women who have just got on with their lives without having the good fortune to suffer horrific sexual abuse through which they can discover their inner feminine mojo. By exaggerating the triumphs of abused women, you wind up presenting a deeply disturbing view of the world where being raped is the highest thing a woman can aspire to. Not deliberately, of course, but in a work of fiction a woman who has merely succeeded is going to get less screen time and less audience sympathy than a woman who has succeeded in spite of abuse.

And finally, there's the sexual double standard. This one's a bit tricky, but I think it's telling that while abuse for a female character is a free ticket to sympathy city by way of prestige junction, for a male character it's just a little bit icky. I think, actually, I could get past the “abuse is empowerment” thing if it applied to men as well as to women, but when was the last time you saw a male character in a work of fiction who was abused as a child and responded by becoming a badass? A good badass, I mean, not a serial killer. And it's this that I think kills the whole idea for me.

The reason you never see an empowered response to abuse from a male character is because people find the idea of a man suffering abuse, particularly sexual abuse, wholly unnatural. Put simply, men are not supposed to be victims, and for a male character to be abused in that way violates some major social taboos in the way that the abuse of women doesn't.

And that right there is the big problem. The reason people are willing to accept the idea that abuse can be a natural part of the background of an empowered fictional woman is because on a basic level we accept the abuse of women in general as natural. Africans are there to starve so we can feel good when we send them food. Women are there to be abused and oppressed so we can feel good when we “empower” them.

Bit messed up really, isn't it.Themes:

TV & Movies

,

Whedonverse

,

Minority Warrior

~

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http://serenoli.livejournal.com/

at 09:41 on 2009-03-03Nice article. :)

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Arthur B

at 10:11 on 2009-03-03Oh hey

Something Awful

are getting in on the

Dollhouse

dogpile. I like the article because it includes the line "Unfortunately, Joss, no prophecy, shadow space government, or super hooker company will ever make a woman completely and exactly as awesome as your mom."

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Dan H

at 14:12 on 2009-03-03The Something Awful thing is made of win. I rather liked the line: "he is beating Echo and trying to rape her all over. He is punching her and doing rape moves at her."

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Arthur B

at 15:29 on 2009-03-03"Yo! Maybe it is you that should be raped."

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http://fintinobrien.livejournal.com/

at 17:10 on 2009-03-03I just noticed the Whedonverse category. Is he the next Rowling for you, Mr Hemmens? :D

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Rami

at 18:15 on 2009-03-03I wonder if the Western

(abuse ∨ oppression) ⇒ empowerment

thought process is at all influenced by the Catholic Church's long-held creeds of

suffering ⇒ salvation

…

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Dan H

at 21:34 on 2009-03-03

I just noticed the Whedonverse category. Is he the next Rowling for you, Mr Hemmens? :D

Not exactly. I actually really like Joss Whedon. I loved Buffy to much it cost my my degree, and I thought Firefly was awesome when it wasn't trying to Empower Women (tm).

Basically I think that Joss Whedon makes excellent TV shows, which unfortunately stop every couple of episodes to make A Point About How Society Treats Women in a gratuitous and heavy-handed way.

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http://katsullivan.insanejournal.com/

at 21:13 on 2009-03-04Your point about men not being allowed to be victims takes my mind to Harry Potter. Despite his years of abuse by Muggles, Harry never "internalizes" the abuse. He hates them right back. He's never a victim to their alienation like Voldemort or Snape - who grow up to become monsters of sorts.

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Arthur B

at 21:51 on 2009-03-04Well, that's because Harry is inherently virtuous, whereas Voldemort and Snape are inherently sinful, like

those who are not of the Elect

.

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Wardog

at 11:07 on 2009-03-05Kat, that's a really interesting point. I'd never really thought about Harry's abuse from that angle before - I suppose partially because horrible things happen to children all the time in children's books and partially because, at least initially, the portrayal of the Dursley's is generally played for laughs. But it does seem to fall between two stools, being neither approached seriously enough or frivolously enough (I mean, they keep him in a cupboard!) to be anything other than shallow. I know he's not a protagonist, but it contrasts rather nicely against the treatment Snape who, of course, lives his entire life as someone who has never really got over being horribly bullied at school.

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http://sistermagpie.livejournal.com/

at 01:09 on 2009-03-06

when was the last time you saw a male character in a work of fiction who was abused as a child and responded by becoming a badass?

This of course makes me think of Batman, who did not suffer abuse but had his parents murdered in front of him as a child and went on to protect others. As opposed to many female comics characters who instead get raped and then get strong to fight back. There's definitely a difference.

I remember a show years ago, I forget what it was, but there was a main character who had near-psychic ability to understand serial killers because she'd been kidnapped and held by one for months as a kid. And what annoyed me so much was not only did the experience essentially give her a super power but it was like even as a child she was clearly so awesome that that's why she survived. So now she could always look at a killer and "see" how he saw things. I imagine she'd have a hard time relating to victims.

Also on the Elect HP question, I always thought this post was interesting on the subject. It was written post-GoF so long before DH was written.

http://skelkins.com/hp/archives/000149.html

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Arthur B

at 01:24 on 2009-03-06Hmm, there was a Spiderman comic where he helps some kid who's being molested, and reveals that he was abused himself by an older cousin before he became Spiderman...

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http://sistermagpie.livejournal.com/

at 03:01 on 2009-03-06I think I remember that. Though I don't know if he says he's been molested or maybe that he almost was but he told someone? I can't remember now.

Note, of course, that it's not part of his origin story. He's not defined by it.

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Shim

at 07:49 on 2009-03-06The Dursleys thing to me brings to mind Roald Dahl, particularly Mathilda (the book, of course): the headmistress' comment that if you behave outrageously enough, the claims just sound ridiculous, seems pretty apt. The difference being that Dahl has a real talent for producing disturbing books while keeping them light enough to actually read.

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Arthur B

at 09:41 on 2009-03-06I've been inspired to

track the spiderlestation comic down

. (The rest of the Comics With Problems site is excellent, by the way).

FWIW, 4th panel of page 6 seems to imply that he was actually molested - he's objecting, but the narration notes that he was "too frightened to leave". In classic comic book style, Spidey concludes the comic by mentioning that he's actually been

haunted for years

by what transpired there, but he's now started the healing process, so we shouldn't be surprised if we never hear anything about it ever again.

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Dan H

at 12:04 on 2009-03-06Wow, loads of comments since I last logged on:

@Shimmin: I thought of the Dahl connection myself. I think the reason it works for Dahl is because it's so over the top that you accept it as metaphor. The "abuse" that Dahl's characters suffer is basically a representation of the way regular kids *feel* like they're being treated. Harry muddies the waters because we're always told that his childhood was an important test of his character, and because we have so many "real life" issues approached in the series.

@Sister Magpie: Batman is about as close as you can get with a male character (unless you count the Spiderlestation) but as you say there's clear blue water between "my parents were killed" and "I was raped". (Although TVTropes does observe that

Rape is the New Dead Parents

). If nothing else, having your parents murdered in front of you is still in the realm of fantasy violence, whereas rape isn't (which is why so many people thought that Spike attempting to rape Buffy was unforgivable in a way that

torturing people to death for fun

was not).

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http://mary-j-59.livejournal.com/

at 03:09 on 2009-03-22I know this is a bit off point, but I really hate the way bullying and victimization is treated in "Harry Potter". Snape is not a monster; he is a normal human being who, from what we see in the text, never received unconditional love from anyone and never had a place he felt truly at home, or even safe. Harry's reaction to what ought to be severe neglect/abuse, on the same level as young Sev apparently experienced, is completely unrealistic. He should not be as intact as he seems to be - not that he's altogether intact; Harry does show signs of narcissistic personality disorder, as well as being oppositional and defiant. But, if we are to take the Dursleys seriously, he should be much more scarred than he is.

Snape is deeply scarred. A scarred human being is not a monster. BTW, whatever one thinks of this character, he does a great deal of rescuing.

But, getting back to the original essay, it is a very uncomfortable idea that people should be special *because* they have been victimized. It seems almost a justification for victimization, doesn't it?

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Arthur B

at 14:04 on 2009-03-22

But, if we are to take the Dursleys seriously, he should be much more scarred than he is.

Well, that's precisely it: in the first half of the series, at least, we are not meant to take the Dursleys at all seriously. They're comic relief, or if you want to be really generous a satirical swipe at how the mediocre and conformist hold back the talented and special. (How Objectivist!)

Rowling asks us to take the Dursleys seriously at more or less precisely the same time as the series as a whole goes to shit.

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http://mary-j-59.livejournal.com/

at 18:27 on 2009-03-22Oh, I agree, Arthur! Another commentator online called the Dursley scenes schizophrenic from the outset. They - the Dursleys - are meant to be laughable, and yet, at the same time, their ignorance and cruelty are meant to show how very special poor little Harry is. It's queasy-making, really. But the schizophrenic attitude towards victims and victimization only gets worse, imho, culminating in Harry's torture scene in DH. Torture isn't bad, you see. It's only bad if the bad guys do it. Ugh!

But I will now stop hijacking this thread. Dan makes very good points, really. And the prevalance of this sort of violence against female characters in fantasy lit is worrying. But maybe, in the case of women authors especially, it reflects what they observe in real life?

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http://arkan2.livejournal.com/

at 23:30 on 2009-03-24Another excellent essay, Dan. You have such a marvelous way with words, and a marvelous way of articulating what I stumble and struggle for months to try to spit out. I quoted part of your "Make Poverty History" section in a recent argument because it was so well said.

"Admittedly I do sometimes use “he” for gender-neutrality (there go my feminist credentials)"

I don't think so. It's so common in today's society that you have to be truly anal about politically correct language to get it right all the time. We're never going to be perfect (well, not until we've made certain disgraceful human practices such as poverty and sexism history anyway), but that doesn't automatically make us completely antifeminist, or whatever. (See what I mean about being articulate?)

That Victim Dilemma is a real problem for me. As a writer, I see it as my duty both to point out the injustices in the world, and to portray the heroism of people who struggle against that injustice. And while there is something noble about men confronting violence against women, or white people standing up for the rights of people of color, that sort of stuff can slide into colonialist propaganda (people in Africa need white people to solve their problems for them)

waaay

too easily.

On the other side of the coin, you run the risk of romanticizing the poor, putting women on a pedestal, depicting the natives as Noble Savages, and so on.

However, I don't think this is an insoluble problem, especially once an author/writer is made aware of the risks.

As a possible solution to the damaged/empowered women problem, I'm going to bring in the show which I spent my last comment bashing:

Veronica Mars

. (It's kinda like

Firefly

, actually: intolerable main character who we're supposed to adore; problematic depictions of feminism (poorly executed sincere attempts at feminism in one case, excessively skeevy portrayal of feminists in the other); occasional highly questionable morals; and a couple other problems like that--while the other 90% is good-to-brilliant.)

In

Veronica Mars

, the title character was raped a year before the first season. Several other female characters are raped or sexually abused over the course of the series.

In Veronica's case though, it's quite clear that (like in the Spider-Man example mentioned above) she's not kick-ass

because

she was raped, she's kick-ass despite it. The other female characters are all firmly established before their sexual abuse, and afterwards, they don't become stronger or more dedicated or whatever, they try to go on with their lives and try to get over the bad experience.

(mary-j-59)

“But, getting back to the original essay, it is a very uncomfortable idea that people should be special *because* they have been victimized. It seems almost a justification for victimization, doesn't it?

Ha, well put. It's closely related to the idea that child abuse builds character.

Of course, sometimes adversity

does

make people stronger and “build character” as they say. Of course, all conscious human attempts so far to replicate such “positive” adversity to date have to my knowledge been dismal failures.

Rowling asks us to take the Dursleys seriously at more or less precisely the same time as the series as a whole goes to shit.”

Yet another spot-on observation.

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Wardog

at 10:40 on 2009-03-25Hi Mary-J - you didn't hijack the thread at all, I'm glad Open-ID is allowing you to comment.

The I-would-say-probably-inadvertent portrayal of victimisation / abuse in Harry Potter is one of the *many* problematic aspects of the texts.

He should not be as intact as he seems to be - not that he's altogether intact; Harry does show signs of narcissistic personality disorder, as well as being oppositional and defiant.

I'm never to sure what extent this is intentional - I know authorial intent is shaky ground at the best of times but I don't think we're actually meant to believe Harry has been damaged by his abuse the hands of the Dursleys.

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Arthur B

at 10:56 on 2009-03-25If Harry shows signs of NPD it's probably more a consequence of everyone in the world telling him he's the messiah (oh, and the fact that he is, in fact, the messiah) than being slapped about by comedy fatties in middle-class purgatory.

I think the big problem with the Dursleys is that, when you take away their comic relief aspects, they're basically there to plaster over a gap in the timeline. Harry's character is defined entirely by the death of his parents, the death of Voldemort, and the reaction of various characters to both of those events. This leaves an 11 year gap in the timeline where nothing actually important happens to Harry. Rowling's solution is to um and ah and finally shut him in a closet for 11 years.

Someone has almost certainly done a fanfic where Hogwarts and the wizarding world in general is just a delusion Harry has constructed to get away from the grimness of his home life (or, alternately, he's just a hopeless schizophrenic and the Dursleys actually go out of their way to help him but can't stop him running away spending months homeless dreaming of being a wizard). That would miss the point, but it'd also be pretty funny.

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Dan H

at 15:02 on 2009-03-25

If Harry shows signs of NPD it's probably more a consequence of everyone in the world telling him he's the messiah (oh, and the fact that he is, in fact, the messiah) than being slapped about by comedy fatties in middle-class purgatory.

Ah the age old question: is it narcissism if the universe really does revolve around you?

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Wardog

at 15:38 on 2009-03-25Is that a piece of fairy cake?

[0100100100101101]

At the beginning of Detroit: Become Human, a video game about American androids fighting for equal rights, a character looks out from the television screen and says, directly to the player, “Remember: This is not just a story. This is our future.”

It’s a bold claim. As Detroit’s story unfolds, the game switches between three different androids: household servant turned revolutionary leader Markus; Kara, a robot fleeing from government persecution with the abused child she rescued from her former boss; and Connor, an agent of the delightfully named megacorp CyberLife who hunts down “deviant androids” disobeying their programming. Through their perspectives, we’re meant to observe a technological future the game wants us to believe is, in fact, soon to come. Connor’s character may sound familiar. That’s because he’s essentially a recast of Rick Deckard, the titular Blade Runner from Ridley Scott’s 1982 sci-fi classic. In each case, Deckard and Connor are hunting aberrant robots, capturing and/or killing those who have broken free of their programming and attempting to live outside their intended roles as servants to humanity.

In both Detroit and Blade Runner the point of these robot hunters is to introduce the question of what separates humanity from a synthetic being so emotionally and intellectually advanced that it is indistinguishable from any member of our species. By the time we’ve watched the monologue from Blade Runner’s bleach blond “replicant” robot Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) about his memories vanishing “like tears in rain,” any hint of inhumanity feels irrelevant. He, like the soulful androids who populate Detroit, remembers his past in the same way we do. He loves. He can be sad. He thinks about his own mortality. The movie ends with the audience having been convinced that a robot with incredibly advanced artificial intelligence deserves to be treated better than a defective home appliance. Blade Runner, it bears repeating, was released in 1982. Detroit: Become Human came out May of this year.

Again and again, Detroit attempts to pull its sci-fi storyline into the real world to convey the same message Blade Runner accomplished so many years ago. It evokes the American civil rights movement (its future Michigan features segregated shops and public transit where androids are kept to the back of city buses; one chapter is even called “Freedom March”), American slavery (the horrific abuses visited on the androids by their masters are regular enough to become numbing), and the Holocaust (extermination camps are set up to house revolutionary androids near the game’s finale) in order to do so. Others have done a great job running down the myriad ways in which Detroit fails in its evocation of the civil rights movement and class-based civil unrest. The poor taste inherent in its decision to make tone-deaf comparisons between its (multi-ethnic, apparently secular) robots and some of human history’s most reprehensible moments of violent prejudice is grotesque enough on its own. But it’s worth noting that on a dramatic level, Detroit also falls completely flat.

Its central point, presented with the satisfied air of a toddler smugly revealing that the family dog feels pain when you yank its tail, is that an android with a sophisticated sense of the world and itself deserves the same rights as any human. This seems like a philosophical problem that ought to have been put to bed around the time Blade Runner made the “dilemma” of android humanity part of mainstream pop culture. For decades now, audiences have watched, read, and played through stories that very persuasively argue there’s no good moral case for treating sufficiently advanced artificial intelligence—especially when housed in an independently thinking and feeling robot body—like dirt. To watch Roy Batty die in Blade Runner and feel nothing isn’t a failure of social and cultural empathy, but the viewer for just kind of being a monster. To release a video game in 2018 where players are honestly expected to experience conflicting emotions or a sense of emotional revelation when a completely humanistic robot is tortured or killed in cold blood ignores decades of genre-advancing history.

Even outside popular art, the past few decades have seen seismic shifts in our relationship with technology that should be impossible to ignore. In the ’80s, a home computer was revolutionary. Now, we live in an era where it’s completely mundane to ask talking boxes for trivia answers and maintain digital extensions of our personae on websites accessed through portable phones. We are not as suspicious of technology as we once were. It’s a part of us now—something we live with.

This shift is pretty clear in other areas of pop culture. Westworld—one of the highest profile sci-fi works in recent years—spent much of its first season retreading some of the same familiar ground as Detroit, but has found a more interesting path as it’s continued onward. While early episodes floundered with dramatically inert questions of whether sexually assaulting, torturing, and murdering lifelike thinking and feeling robots was an okay premise for an amusement park, it’s since moved on from hammering home the simplistic, insultingly moralizing lesson that “treating humanoid androids badly is the wrong thing to do.” At its best, characters like the show’s standout, Bernard Lowe—a tortured robot who is very well aware he is a robot—bring a welcome complexity.

Bernard, in actor Jeffrey Wright’s strongest performance to date, alternates naturally between a machine’s cold, vacant-eyed calculations and the trembling pathos of an android traumatized not only by the loss of his family and the violence of the world in which he lives, but also the knowledge that his memories are artificially coded and that his programming has led him to contribute to the horror of his surroundings. With this focus, viewers are given scenes far more philosophically troubling than the show’s earlier attempts to question whether it’s all right to kill humanlike robots for fun. In season two’s “Les Écorchés,” for example, Bernard is sat in a diagnostic interrogation and tormented by park co-creator Robert Ford (Anthony Hopkins), who, apparently, has entered his system in the form of a viral digital consciousness. Ford flits about his mind like a demonic possession. Bernard remembers killing others while under the intruder’s control. He cries and shakes like any human wracked with so much psychological pain would. “It’s like he’s trying to debug himself,” a technician notes. A digital read-out of Bernard’s synthetic brain shows his consciousness is “heavily fragmented,” as if under attack from a computer virus.

Rather than focus on simple ideas, the show acknowledges, in instances like these, that its audience is willing to accept an android character like Bernard as “human” enough to deserve empathy while remembering, too, that his mechanical nature introduces more compelling dramatic possibilities. Thankfully, Westworld’s second season has leaned further into this direction, moving (albeit at a glacial pace) toward stories about what it means for robots to embrace their freedom while being both deeply human and, due to their computerized nature, still fundamentally alien. By the end of the season, its earlier concern with flat moral questions has largely been swept away. Its finale, while still prone to narrative cliché elsewhere, shows a greater willingness to delve into explorations of how concepts like free will, mortality, and the nature of reality function for the computerized minds of its characters.

This is the sort of thing that elevates modern sci-fi, that reaffirms its potential for valuable speculation rather than just being a place to indulge familiar tropes and revisit nostalgic aesthetics. We see it in games like Nier: Automata, whose anime-tinged action is set in a far-future world where humanity has gone extinct, leaving behind only androids who must grapple with their minds persisting over centuries of samsara-like cycles of endless war against simpler machines trying to come to grips with their own intellectual awakening. We see it in Soma, which explores similar territory and turns it into soul-shaking horror by telling a story where people’s minds have been transplanted into synthetic consciousnesses, stored immortally on computers that reside in facilities dotting the inky depths of the ocean floor while the Earth dies out far above them. Like Bernard—and like many of the other characters now freeing themselves from both their shackles as Westworld’s park “hosts” and the narrative constraints of the show’s earlier episodes—these games transcend the outdated concerns of a story like Detroit. They give us something new to chew on, concerns that are not only intellectually fuller but also more reflective of where we are now as a technology-dependent species.

There’s no better summary of this change than the extremely belated Blade Runner sequel, Blade Runner 2049. Its predecessor was devoted entirely to convincing audiences that its assumedly inhuman replicants are worthy of empathy. It ended by asking if we’d even be able to tell the difference between a flesh-and-blood person and a synthetic one. Compare that to 2049, where protagonist K—Ryan Gosling playing a character with a suitably product-line-style name—is shown to be an android almost from the start. The plot of the film centers (like Detroit and Westworld) on a fast-approaching revolution where self-sufficient androids will overthrow their human creators, but the heart of its story is about the psychology of artificially intelligent beings. K is depicted as deeply troubled, grasping for affection from the mass-market hologram AI he’s in love with, grappling with the fact that he might be the first replicant to be born from another android, hoping to connect with his possible father, and being tormented by his inability to distinguish between what’s been programmed into his synthetic mind and what’s a “real” memory.

Blade Runner 2049 considers it a given that modern audiences can empathize with this android character without prerequisite arguments—that we’re not instinctively terrified of what he represents but willing to think about what such a creation means when set against age-old concepts of love and selfhood. As a sequel to the movie that did so much to settle questions about whether a robotic being was equal to humanity, it moves its concerns forward in tandem with society itself.

There’s a scene in 2049 where K, having learned of the existence of the first replicant child to be born of two replicant parents, is asked by his boss, Lt. Joshi (Robin Wright), to homicidally erase this revolutionary evidence in order to maintain the world’s status quo. K says he’s never killed something “born” before. When asked why that makes him uncomfortable, he replies that being born means having a soul—that that may be a crucial difference. “You’ve been getting on fine without one,” Joshi says. “What’s that, madam?” K replies. “A soul.”

It’s an exchange that takes moments, but it’s enough to communicate more about the nature of an AI consciousness than Detroit manages over its dozen hours. In these few words, 2049 puts an old debate to rest while raising new questions about what it means for a machine to worry about its place in the world. K doesn’t “have a soul” in the traditional sense, but he is tortured by the knowledge that he, with his need to love and be loved, may possess something quite like it. Modern science fiction is capable of asking us to explore what it means to view technology this way. It’s able to make us consider how our sense of reality may or may not intersect with the ever-more complex computers we create. It is, basically, able to do a lot more than revisit tired questions about whether the kind of highly advanced robots that populate Detroit: Become Human are worth taking seriously enough to care about in the first place.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Long Exposure

OKAY I WROTE WAY TOO MUCH ON THIS BUT I GOT BIT BY THE RANT-BUG!

Also this came up much later than I intended because I realized I was being overly bitter and therefore rewrote a huge amount of this.

First and foremost I would just like to give a little disclaimer:

This is by far NOT the worst comic I’ve ever read and if you like it kudos to you.  Keep supporting it if you love it but ranting about how wrong I am is not going to change my mind.  I would also like to say that if you agree with me that this is not a great webcomic, do not harass the fans or the creator.  Write your own rant and we can bitch in the disque comments like the bitter fujo-bros we are.

SO HERE GOES!

Oh good god, this is a very frustrating level of comic for me.  It’s bad on several levels but it’s coherent and panders and rides clichés JUST ENOUGH to have a huge fanbase.  

Basically the author made a belligerent teenage meat-head, wanted them to bang a dude, any dude, and sketched the comic while Stranger things was on in the background so oops paranormal bullshit shows up once every 50 pages but has no bearing on anything ever.

So the story is as follows:

Mitch is a violent piece of shit but tragic past so it’s cool.  Jonas…has a dick so that’s good enough, therefore the two have to bang. Jonas’ step dad disapproves because homophobia.  There is also another bully in school for no plot relevant reason.  Things play out like stereotypical high school trash drama. (And I will admit my bias I’m really sick of high school trash dramas)

Look at this joke of a jealousy plot line! Where the woman is physically present in the comic for like 1 page, get slut-shamed, Jonas’ interest in her is so transparently thin it’s laughable it was even included, and this is pretty much forgotten about after seme has his token jealousy-induced pout.

Also we have, “NO FOSTER DADDY, I LOOOOOOVE HIM! IGNORE HOW 1 WEEK AGO I SHIT MYSELF AT THE THOUGHT HE’D COME BACK TO SCHOOL TO TORMENT ME! BUT OH NO TURNS OUT YOU’RE A PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE, HOMOPHOBIC 1-D VILLAIN LIKE ALL FOSTER DADS!”

They also get ridiculous over powered paranormal abilities which maybe part of a plot? Doesn’t look likely so far.

So let’s now do a deeper dive on this business:

Paranormal elements aka what paranormal elements?

The paranormal elements are a joke.  They got them day after they fell into a puddle by a mysterious facility.  Neither of them makes much of an attempt to hide their powers.  In fact nobody seems to really give a shit that they’ve got these life ending powers with no negative side effects from getting magical scientific water on their pants.  Writing Pro-Tip: We aren’t going to think it’s surprising or cool if nobody else reacts that way in the comic.

Mitch’s OVER power is telekinesis that can lift cars.  Jonas can make a shield or kinda slash at stuff with his but most of the time his powers are just glowing ribbons of energy to highlight how he’s being tsundere or a romantic moment.  The evil facility they got it from is now following them around and…out to get them? I guess? The lead characters care about this SO LITTLE, that it’s not until 200+ pages or so later, that Jonas googles what the facility was. (He made some random post on what looks like Reddit before this google search but again 2 panels, explains nothing.)  Not only did they wait that long the big reveal is that it’s called GAMMA HARDY HAR VERY ORIGINAL and that people have gone missing by it which we pretty much already know.   But the ad on Jonas’ phone is bigger and conveys more information than this essential plot information. 

WE GET IT! YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS PLOT THREAD! WHY IS IT HERE!?

The cars are following them around but not enough effort is put in to make this even feel like it’s that weird no less scary or tense.  I think this is best summed up in the scene where Jonas reveals his powers to his sister. He spends about 1 page and a half talking about the powers and she reacts as if he got a bruise that looks a bit like a dog. There is one page where he explains he’s being stalked by these people which she has a slightly stronger reaction to, and then the next 3 pages which finish up the scene where they talk about Jonas having a crush on Mitch.  Which his sister reacts MUCH stronger too but like forgets she’s upset by it really fast and leaves off with a, “Guys are only after one thing!”  Which should be a joke cause HAHA YANNO Jonas is a man himself but no such luck. That’s treated like, “Poor little ukey, don’t give up your chastity to the first seme who bullies you.”  Way to make this comic feel as if it’s a queer love story and not some sad spank fodder for the lowest common denominator.  Oh wait damn, are we supposed to be scared of some shadow organization!? I don’t know how I got distracted from that.

It would be hilarious if this was some kinda parody. That a teenager is more worried about his crush feelings than the fact he may get abducted, tortured, and horribly killed by a bunch of murder scientists.  Pity it’s not!

Speaking of which…

Pace and focus problems aka I WANT THEM TO KISS! I JUST WANT THEM TO KISS! FUCK THE REST OF THE STORY! KISSY KISS KISS!!!!

One of the major problems in this story is that it only cares about building up Mitch and Jonas’ blooming relationship so everything else is pretty much forgotten and the pace suffers heavily from it because it’s so obvious the artist CANNOT WAIT until the two bang and it feels very rushed and juvenile for it.  It’s hard to go 2 pages in without some barely veiled hint that BOY OH BOY Mitch has the hots for Jonas.  There is no suspense that the two may not end up together because the author is so obnoxiously chomping on the bit for it.  And like listen, I get it, comics are a very time and energy intensive medium, and you’re doing it because of how much you just love the notion of these two together. It feels like such a drag to spend hours working on just some bullshit transition page when all you want to do is to draw them snuggling. I get the impulse, but you GOTTA rein it in if you want the story to have tension and be believable.

The story starts off with Jonas being deeply afraid of Mitch, and Mitch doesn’t exactly live it down. However by the end of the 1st day Jonas is unabashedly leading Mitch into a restricted part of the woods in the dead of night cause…..SCIENCE PROJECT???????  The science project is pretty much a SHRUG WHATEVER, IF IT GETS THEM TO INTERACT!  Even with this partnered science project in place there are like 80 reasons why Jonas would avoid this particular scenario since yanno it does sound pretty damn dangerous to do this with a guy he’s pretty sure wants to beat the tar out of him. What changes about Jonas’ perception of Mitch here? Well Mitch insults him a bunch and kinda sorta help him hide. And by hide, I mean pulls him to his strong chest for them sweet sexual tensions.  So really nothing should change from this interaction but...

From then on, Jonas just does whatever Mitch says and not under threat. Doesn’t matter that he was quite recently scared of and hates Mitch and he’s done nothing to really dissuade Jonas’ fears. This happens because he’s a puppet destined to fuck Mitch so he’s not allowed to make it even slightly difficult for them to bond….if you want to call it that.  Basically they’re bonding is Mitch being rude to Jonas and pressures him into breaking the law and despite yanno all the terrorizing Mitch has been doing, suddenly this is like sensual foreplay to him. 

The fact that Mitch and Jonas both get powers and are being stalked for it so they work together to figure it out would’ve been a good way to push them together.  Problem is when they get together they just like bond and flirt as if nothing really happened and don’t do jack shit to find out who’s behind all this.  Honestly neither of them seem very concerned.

Sure the 1st kiss doesn’t happen until page 200, but we started this couple off in a really deep hole.  If the two had met on neutral terms or had been friends I could probably see this bonding working and the pace as reasonable.  However that is definitely not the case here.  This is compounded by the fact that this couple is just poorly written, uninteresting, and fails to ~update~ the same shitty bully/victim BL narrative.

Relationship aka I can see where you’re coming from but try harder next time.

I will confess that my cup of tea is not the bully/nerd dynamic due to it’s typically exploitative nature. So I am coming into this bias.  This story does have a much less problematic, if stills stereotypical, take on it.  Nerd does one nice thing to the bully, bully is now obsessed with him, and years later torments the nerd cause that’s how bullys express affection.  The nerd just KINDA GIVES IN CAUSE IT’S EXCITING I GUESS?! At least in this version I can more readily see where Jonas would find these shenanigans as genuine, non-traumatic excitement.  Mitch introduces him to BREAKING LAWS! WOO!  Instead of the typical BL introduces him to UNWANTED SEX!  NOT WOO!

However I still feel as if it’s a bit of a stretch for both of them.  It makes more sense for Mitch to pursue a fellow bully who treats him half decently.  Mitch is bitter toward people whom he perceives as having a better life than him, and yet at the same time (perhaps this is me over-analyzing) should view himself as beneath these other people because he was called shit all his life so he doesn’t want to taint anybody else either.  So Jonas as a target of affection seems pushing it because his (initial view) of Jonas would lend Mitch to distancing himself out of anger at society and at himself.

As for Jonas? He seems more annoyed than charmed by many of Mitch’s antics. Also it seems like quite a big jump, not just realizing you’re attracted to the same gender but the individual you’re attracted to is...to put it nicely not exactly the most socially acceptable suitor. Jonas does openly say, “Yeah I’m not happy I’ve got this crush” but that’s pretty much as conflicted as he gets.  He doesn’t have to have a big GOSH AM I GAY OR NOT internal conflict but I feel as if it would be poor characterization if he doesn’t have an internal conflict about GOSH MY CRUSH IS ON AN EMOTIONALLY VOLATILE GOON! THAT MAY NOT BE THE BEST DOWN THE LINE!

I will say the fact that both Mitch and Jonas having less than stellar male father figures in their life could’ve been a much MUCH better way for the two of them to bond together.  However at the moment it seems more incidental than something the two of them have really talked out.  It wasn’t something like,

“I have a crappy dad!”

“Oh my gosh me too! It really sucks.  I wish I had somebody to give me guidance from a male perspective in this wild world that is teenage hood.  I don’t feel as if I can trust what I was original taught.” 

“Gosh me too!”

Instead the conversations feel more like two totally separate exposition dumps rather than something they have in common.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can see the potential here but it just doesn’t make the grade.

Characters aka please believe the worst human being in this story is actually the best one.

You know that 1-d villain in every after school special?  That’s our seme!

Mitch is a textbook bully who physically harasses everybody he can which includes teachers and totally innocent peers.  Out of I would say the 4/5 people he’s shown to expressly pick on in school, only one of them is shown in text to be a bad guy.  And it’s absurd how, despite only being back in high school for like what a week, that he hasn’t already been suspended or expelled already.  Why?

Mitch is shown to pick on and threaten fellow innocent students who think about telling on him for the harassment they suffered. Mitch (on his 1st day back) threatens a teacher with violence, and just what…3 pages ago steals the same teacher’s keys.  This teacher has been shown as a good person and the only authority figure that is shown expressing concern for Jonas.  We also see him and his buddies kicking the snot out of somebody on the first day he’s back. A fight that’s 4 people vs. 1.

So Mitch isn’t some kinda modern day high school Samurai, who only beats on those who deserve it and fights fairly.  He’s just a piss-drinker.

Yet he hasn’t gotten punished for any of the above behavior and I haven’t even mentioned some of the worst things he’s done.  The worst one on school grounds was putting a knife to another bully’s throat.  That’s right, he brought a weapon to school, and threatened to kill another peer while on school grounds.  But? No punishment!  Simply having a weapon, even if not used against somebody, is more than enough for expulsion in the majority of American schools.  The kicker here being, there were witnesses, there is no reason why the person he threatened wouldn’t report it (in fact he seems the type to report tripping on someone’s foot as harassment), and due to Mitch’s reputation there would be no reason for anybody to disbelieve it either.

Mitch has a tragic past and comes from poverty.  I can kinda see how his law-breaking violent behavior is just how he was inadvertently taught to act from his shitty brother and step-father and he has a lot of anger in regards to abandonment.  The problem being here his bad behavior is not treated as bad.  It’s treated as 1 part hilarious, 1 part that other guy deserved it for doing something much less severe, and 1 part BAD BOYS ARE JUST SO HOT HNNNNNGH!  And I’m not saying this to shame anybody into bad boys, but Mitch genuinely treats a lot of helpless people real shitty but it’s framed as...well... those 3 things above.  What I’d like to see is Jonas confronts Mitch about how he treats the majority of his peers, and maybe Mitch realizes it’s not okay to frighten people on whims and confront WHY he does it.  But I will say I’m not exactly banking on that future since Jonas will just nod along to everything Mitch does with the only notable exception being stopping him from KILLING HIS FOSTER DAD!

Oh and there’s a not-so-subtle hint that Mitch maybe bulimic? But there’s literally 1 page of it and there hasn’t been a peep before or since? WHY IS IT THERE? ….my friend you can’t just throw mental illness on the table and forget about it.

I will say I was pleasantly surprised that Mitch treats Jonas with more respect and less abuse than a lot of bully semes do, and yet at the same time it doesn’t feel as if Mitch is behaving out of character around Jonas, rather that he just has a soft spot for him. But Mitch is still kinda a douche to Jonas to be honest.  While Mitch doesn’t hit Jonas but he takes glee in making Jonas feel unsafe and is just flat out rude to him in many other instances.  So while not abusive, it’s not enough for me to bridge a gap into giving a shit about him.

Have you ever seen a cardboard cutout?  That’s our uke!

I’m all about freckles, nerds, and pudgy characters in BL so you’d think this would be a slam dunk. Unfortunately there’s little to talk about when it comes to him.  He suffers from uke-doll syndrome and just does what it’ll take to get to that sex scene and nothing else.  There are MENTIONS of things he likes but like that’s all they are mentions.  Like someone refers to him as a band kid.  Do we even know what instrument he plays? NOPE! At one point Jonas liking to do photography is brought up, there is even some kind of implication that he feels bad he doesn’t photograph anymore.  However this is powered through in 3 panels and we can barely tell what Jonas even took pictures of to begin with.  If done properly we’d get a panel of what kind of photos he took.  If he used labor intensive techniques, took pictures of animals/people/scenery, a deceased family member, a specific place with meaning, or if he took pictures of a place he used to live.  There is a lot of subtle character building that can be done there but instead we get 1 awkward shrug because we gotta transition into the non-existent romantic tension.

I will mention one scene which could potentially be very interesting character building but TO BE HONEST I think I read it in a more interesting way than the creator intended. In a recent page a character brings up how Mitch is a nutcase and Jonas gets really defensive screaming that the whole school just DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HIM!  Which I think the author intended to be just that. 

However, if you factor in, just the previous night Mitch NEARLY MURDERS Jonas’ foster father and would have if Jonas hadn’t stopped him, there could be more to it.  Despite how much he hates his foster father, he doesn’t want him killed.  Jonas could be feeling really doubtful about having a crush on Mitch.  While there is a good side to Mitch he STILL IS REALLY UNHINGED AND DANGEROUS like everybody says.  So he becomes defensive when this is questioned, because he’s been worried about it himself.

But welp it’s most likely just U DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT A PRECIOUS SOUL THIS VIOLENT BAG OF DICKS IS ON THE INSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!  Speaking of foster daddy…

Antagonists aka a homophobic puppet show put on by somebody who’s convinced saying the word fag is worse than stabbing someone to death.

The antagonists include a strict foster dad who’s concerned about his adopted son hanging out with somebody who’s been to juvie for trying to kill someone, does drugs, trespasses, causes massive property damage, brings knives to school, oh yeah and almost violently murdered the dad personally. WHAT AN ASSHOLE!  Haha just kidding!  Just kidding about him distrusting Mitch for being a violent criminal, he does do all of the above in the text of the story. The real reason why he hates Mitch is because he’s a filthy gay that’s turning Jonas into a filthy gay too.  Which like sure….have the foster dad character be a homophobe but like it makes negative sense why he would knee-jerk into being worried exclusively about gayness cause…

1.)    Daddy issues is a cop and Mitch is a legit criminal that is where they should OBVIOUSLY be at odds

2.)    Jonas appears to be bisexual but before Mitch he’s only expressed interest in women. So his dad logically should not be paranoid at this point that he raised some filthy gay, because there’s no history of it and he does not obviously present as such.

3.)    Mitch ALSO does not obviously present as gay.  He seems to be out to his friends (and only recently), but doesn’t appear to be out to the whole school and even if he was out to the whole school it would a stretch for random cop dad to know about it.

So the real reason that adopted dad knee-jerks into being worried about gayness is because it makes him more of an evil, bad, no-good 1-D villain.  This on some level makes sense, because it’s easier to hate somebody for mistrusting the gays rather than somebody mistrusting someone who is..haha well….untrustworthy.  Problem being the rest of the story acts as if Mitch is a hero for destroying cars, and trying to kill people, so it’s a moot fucking point anyway.

In between the homophobic jargon Foster Father expresses fear that Mitch is a bad influence. Probably for the gayness but the negative influence is pretty true in the text. Jonas trespasses, skips school, causes property damage, and does drugs because Mitch tells him to.  Sure he has a choice in the matter but he had none of these inclinations before and I think it’s likely might never have done this if Mitch hadn’t open the door as WIDE AS THESE PLOT HOLES.  So again, it’s hard to see him as the 1-D antagonist he’s painted because WELP the fears of him picking up bad behavior are technically true.

The other antagonist (who really is not necessary to this story at all) is Neil.  Who I’m guessing was put in to make Mitch look better but no joke he’s worse than Mitch because he’s verbally instead of physically abusive. That’s not true the real reason why he seems like a bad person and Mitch isn’t is because Neil comes from a family with money and uses slurs.  (Which to be honest I wouldn’t picture Mitch being ABOVE if he was pissed.)  Mitch does objectively MUCH WORSE SHIT that he GETS AWAY WITH and Neil makes a few homophobic and fatphobic comments, get humiliated in public, threatened with a knife, and has his car seriously damaged if not totaled.   Also Neil apparently forgets that his car was annihilated because when he sees the people he thinks are responsible he just goes back into making fat jokes.  The worst Neil does is punch somebody after getting kneed in the dick. The worst Mitch has done is seriously attempt to kill 2 people.

So like, that’s an obvious choice right?

Say something nice Faps:

Okay the art is nice. It has a good style, good character design, and it’s consistent. Sometimes backgrounds disappear for no reason but it’s not hugely jarring.  The colored powers are a cheap kinda trick but the use of them in water for that scene was genuinely very pretty.  However I will say as cool as the style is, it’s not really suited for the material.  Like the violence looks semi-comedic when that doesn’t appear to be the intention.  Also the fact that the characters don’t have lips make the almost and DO kiss scenes look just kinda…how to put it stupid?  Like it becomes readily apparent this style is tooney and not sensual/romantic at all cause flapping those two flat lines over each other is really unappealing and silly in my opinion.

Also I do appreciate how our male leads are not the conventionally attractive types.  In particular, I give big kudos out to Jonas being on the pudgier side, even if he’s not majorly, so the artist doesn’t GLOSS OVER that fact about him.

TL;DR

The reason why this story is popular is trying to be a less problematic version of the fetishy bully/victim romances you see in a lot of BL manga.  The big problems being a story hyper focused on the flaccid romance which gives it a poor pace and makes anything else, even plot relevant info, feel like a joke. Even when the story is progressing as it should it uses some big time cliches and doesn’t put in the energy for it work.  The characterization is better but leaves Jonas looking hollow and glamorizes the violent actions of a bully.

If you want a gay delinquent with a heart of gold story read Mr.Mini-Mart, Rutta and Kodama, Blue Sky Complex, and the Hydra series.

[arifdigcom]

Week 10: Social Media Conflict

In Week 10, the final week of these glorious blog posts, we looked at social media governance and conflict, and how that connected with digital citizenship. The lecture went through the normal recap of digital citizenship and the power of using social media as a platform. It then went into the juicy stuff, who really runs social media and regulates it. I found this part pretty interesting because I never really thought about who governs the internet and social media.

Next was the sad part, online harassment. I remember as a young teenager, having just gotten Facebook and the rest, being so dismissive of all the cyberbullying videos we used to watch in primary school. Like “wow, I must be lucky because this hasn’t been happening to me or my friends at all!” But then, as you get older, you start to see it a lot more. It doesn’t just come in the one form that everyone first thinks of. As the lecture suggests, it can come in the form of offending people on private messages, getting into arguments with girlfriends/boyfriends and spreading rumours about them. 

I found the reading 'Drinking male tears: language, the manosphere, and networked harassment' pretty interesting, especially the parts about Gamergate. There was a campaign targeting several women in the gaming industry and there were false claims made about their lives, leading to threats of rape and death.

I think it’s really unfortunate how far some people take it, and how easy it is for those keyboard warriors behind their computer screens to harass others, especially on platforms such as Twitter and Instagram. All you have to do is look in the comment section of many of these popular posts and you can see it going on. I know from personal experience, as a sports fan, if one of the players on a team has a bad game, he/she will get tormented on social media for it for weeks. This most recently happened in the footy with Scott Lycett, a Port Adelaide footy player, when he received death threats after dangerously tackling an Adelaide player. You can see the story here if you’re interested:

https://www.foxsports.com.au/afl/teams/port-adelaide-power/port-adelaides-scott-lycett-calls-out-social-media-abuse-after-ugly-sling-tackle/news-story/8af6b74ca07b0ae1eb2e557e5b9222f3

Well, another blog post comes to an end. Thank you for all the interesting topics and hopefully reading my posts was worthwhile :))

References:

Alice E. Marwick & Robyn Caplan, 'Drinking male tears: language, the manosphere, and networked harassment'  Feminist Media Studies Volume 18, 2018 - Issue 4: Pages 543-559

[words-writ-in-starlight]

reading part 1 and like, it feels silly to go ‘dang nice first line’ when you clearly worked hard on the first line, you know full well it’s nice, but still. nice first line. drops you right in the world, has that ring of myth but also of urgency, explains right away what the problem is, and also now I’m overanalyzing but it does start things right off by making sure you don’t trust Crispin, don’t trust what he appears to be no matter what. it puts you on edge, on guard, making sure you assume

he’ll lie to you (well, to Brenneth). And like. I know what the original story is, it’s not like I needed the reminder, but the sharp sense of unbalance and distrust that you get right at the start of the story is quite good. ++ Funny - I realize suddenly that I don’t actually know what Crispin looks like. I know you’ve described him somewhere, but it didn’t stick, or maybe you just didn’t mention the hair. I don’t remember it being red-gold.

(the hades and persephone au)

Fun fact, I scrapped THREE, count them, THREE intro scenes before I settled on this one, so no, you are no over-analyzing.  Some fragments of the other intro scenes wound up elsewhere in the story, but mostly?  I just chucked them wholesale and started from scratch.  So, like, yeah, I’m really glad that one works out because I was rapidly running out of good places in the story to pick up the action.  Also, this is both a nod to the actual intro to the novel and wildly at odds, because on the one hand, it does open with a mysterious individual who has, presumably, broken into Brenneth’s home, but it’s also all trust all the time with Crispin from the very first line of the novel, so.

Yoo the season thing is tight, that is the good stuff, and by saying it’s jarring you make it into a bad, unnatural thing, not a thing of wonder as it would be in most stories. Nice. ++ “mundane lightning, if such a thing even existed” Interesting. Not even sure why exactly, just.. interesting. ++ I like that he stabs her xD ++ “her best emotionless expression” NICE I like how this shows, without explaining why, not only that she’s upset somehow, but that it’s a big deal (her BEST such

expression, this is a big effort she’s making). It suggests a personal connection, which, ok, I know she has one bc I know Alleirat, but this is fanfic, that’s allowed. Anyway it’s a very economical way of showing it, so nice job. ++ “the snarl evaporated into a smile” Huh. He trusts her, in a way, even if only in that he thinks he knows her well enough to know what to expect. ++ "If you wanted to talk” I wonder if he really does think, even for a moment, that this is just personal.

Crispin…like, to be completely honest, he’s not completely stable at this moment–I was going to say “not completely himself” but that wouldn’t be accurate–and he wants to force Brenneth into saying out loud what’s upsetting her.  Largely because it will upset her to say it out loud.  It’s a cruel jab, to do it in a way that reminds her that they’re friends, but he’s also trying to drive her into lashing out and, quite frankly, attempting his execution then and there, so he goes for cruelty over efficiency.

"gentle note of menace” Interesting. What menace does he threaten? What can he threaten, here? Or is it just generalized menace? Maybe he’s just a menacing guy. ++ "glittered like a jewel in a setting” An unusual metaphor for a person. I like how it makes him hard and sharp, and fey in how he glitters, and trapped, like jewels are by their settings. ++ Brenneth is very polite. I think I like that about her. I think she does it because she’s solid, steady. She knows who she wants to be, and she’s

not about to be any less than that, even in the little things. 

Brenneth is one of those people where a short temper that tends to flare hot and spectacular but largely harmless, which I think is a satisfying contrast with Crispin, who’s slow to lose his temper and coldly precise but absolutely lethal when he does.  And above anything else…she’s sad, I think.  Brenneth doesn’t like admitting it, in any universe, but she’s sad about a lot of things, a lot of the time, and that makes her a little more likely to offer civility to someone trying to hurt her.  Not invulnerable to snapping and getting violent, but it buys 

++ @the shards in his eyes: holy shit that’s good imagery. it’s a common enough concept but you’ve phrased it so poetically that it gains new strength ++ god that conversation’s intense. I like that she was mortal before – grounded in the world, in a life, in mundane mortality. And he emerged from a storm, no connections to anything, not even kin, not even parentage. His first memories a furious and beautiful destruction, chaos given

form. And he’s the one who’s Spring, and she who’s Death. ++ "His hands were burned badly across the palms” Good way to keep her fire in the story, even with her being Death and not anything typically considered fiery. Interesting that his hands are burnt where he touched her, but no part of him is burnt from her touching him, not even his chiton. ++ Shiko is bound to a task Brenneth set her, one that benefits Brenneth’s kingdom, and can only leave at her express will, yet Brenneth doesn’t think

of her as a servant, is even uneasy at the thought. I wonder how she does think of Shiko. It doesn’t seem to bother her that Shiko calls her ‘my lord’. (Incidentally I like the Lord thing. It’s a little weird at first but it works. Not sure how to really interpret it yet, if at all - guess I’ll know later in the story - but I like it.) 

First of all, I use and abuse a lot of misapplied titles in this, and I would say “lord” is probably the most common one, for a number of reasons.  The primary one is probably that Brenneth was introduced into the pantheon as a mortal, which already put her at a disadvantage, so her use of “lord” is making a very clear and specific point about her rank.  There’s that quote re: the Tortall about Alanna making a point with “sir” and Kel making a different point with “lady,” and Brenneth is making the former, whereas Krei eventually makes the latter.

Second of all, Brenneth’s whole stance on Shiko is very conflicted.  On the one hand, she saved Shiko from an eternity of torment, absolutely and without question, but she did it by basically chaining Shiko to the ferry unless she’s specifically sent on an errand.  Shiko has known her longer thank anyone and more completely than anyone with the possible exception of Crispin, so Brenneth thinks of them as equals, but Shiko is acutely aware that her existence as someone not being tortured is entirely dependent on Brenneth’s good will, and Brenneth is aware of that as well.  And, of course, Brenneth killed Shiko, and it was Shiko’s actions that resulted in Brenneth’s appointment as the god of death.  There’s a lot of baggage there.

++ ‘“Well,” Shiko said, and abandoned the sentence.’ And my, what that says about how Brenneth is treated, and what Shiko thinks of it, and what Brenneth thinks

of it. I may be reading too much into it, but after what Crispin said, I don’t think I am. ++ She doesn’t mind thinking of Rada as a servant. Is it the choice? It sounds like though she could compel any shade to serve her (like one from Tartarus), she doesn’t, and they know they have a choice. But Shiko is bound to obey her, so Brenneth is uneasy about it? 

Yeah, basically.  Shiko has to serve Brenneth or her shade will be banished to the Fields of Punishment, whereas allowing shades to serve in her palace gives them the chance to wait for their family.  It’s a kindness she’s offering them, at its core level, whereas Brenneth sees Shiko’s task as the lesser of two fairly serious evils, even though it doesn’t bother Shiko overmuch, and she has a hard time living with having done that to someone who she feels was used and misled, rather than causing problems out of malicious intent.

++ “seeking something to consume” How odd that this is how it manifests. "her godhood was screaming for it” Ok now that’s intriguing. Does

she often get the urge to kill people? Is it only people who ‘should’ be dead? By what measure of ‘should’? ++ I wonder if she only breathes out of habit, from when she was mortal. I wonder if all gods breathe, or if they only bother occasionally. I wonder if Crispin’s heart has ever beat. 

Gods’ hearts don’t beat, as far as I’m concerned.  If they even have hearts, I guess, I’d be hard pressed to make that call on the spot.  Brenneth, basically, kept her mortal body and froze it at the moment of her apotheosis, so she doesn’t need a heartbeat or breathing, but she does them out of habit and as a sort of self-soothing pattern.  Oh, and I’d say that speaking with a throat does require breathing regardless of whether the oxygen is needed, on a purely mechanical level, so for those purposes all gods breathe when they’re speaking aloud.

Also, I’d say that it’s rare for Brenneth and her “god-self”, as it were, to be in direct conflict, but gods kill people for disrespect.  Brenneth does not.  This is her primary conflict with the part of her that operates as a deity first and a “self” second.

++ I think it means Rada’s brave, that he didn’t even back away when his form started to fall apart from her leaking rage. Or that he trusts her, or both. I like him. Witnesses, she asks for. What for?

What did they witness? Does she want to hold a trial? Or does she mean his victims? She can have her pick of those, I think. So many of them work in her palace, and many more are doubtless crowding her kingdom. She could probably just walk out and shout, “who wants to talk shit about the god of spring,” and she’d get like fifty volunteers in 2 seconds flat.

ok I think I’m gonna sleep. also, amusingly, I have now sent you enough asks that I have to prove I’m not a robot to send any more.

Rada is my BEST BOY and I LOVE HIM.  He worries SO MUCH about his boss.  In canon, he was Brenneth’s third in command when she was hunting Crispin, Torei’s most trusted subordinate, and he was EXACTLY like this, eternally fretting over people’s wellbeing and how seriously Torei was injured and whether or not Brenneth had remembered to eat.  He’s a GOOD BOY.  DOING HIS BEST.  His family is from the south of Alleirat in canon, which means their coloring is a lot like Brenneth’s and she reminds him of one of his younger sisters, so he’s particularly protective of her.

And yeah, everyone’s very eager to talk shit about Crispin.  Rada has exactly NO trouble finding volunteers.  He just wanders into Asphodel and goes “hey who wants to complain to the Lord of the Underworld about that fucker” and has a line OUT THE DOOR.

[garbandier]

Child Please: Concerning the Pyszczyk Maneuver

“Human memory is like a scribe laboriously setting down letters while his left hand erases the text of the past. Every generation knocks together its own apocalypse and utopia and, confident in its own powers, believes its utopia and apocalypse will come off exceptionally well, unlike any other, will be final.” —Zbigniew Herbert, “Passo Romano.” The Collected Prose: 1948-1998 (pp. 651-652). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition. 

The mind, like the human face, is a pebble on which the stream of time exerts tremendous powers of revision and change. I love creeks and the places that nourish them. Few occupations delight me more than stopping in some leafy cloister to consider the subtle arts by which time’s whimsy alters the rocks in a stream. In wheeling, whirling courses of silt and sediment, in teeming eddies and gurgling little pockets, the pebbles in the stream are constantly prodded and perused, tested and turned, worked on and prised and pushed by the patient fingers of the water. Heavy rocks and sunken logs and broken branches cluttering the stream are massaged by detritus and flowing sediment and whatever else the churning waters may choose to marshal as a persuasive tool. The stream’s hands exert their influence quietly beneath a calm surface glazed with floating leaves and spidery skimmers. The water might spend a hundred years smoothing a single stone. Or instantly the stream might give in to greed and gorge itself on a chunk of earth from an overhanging bank, or snap a mossy log and ferry it to some new position. 

Eventually, the artistic collaboration between time and water rearranges the small stream-things and the large stream-things, and what emerges is a new pattern of movement, a slightly new direction for the whole stream. The water’s work changes the rocks, but the story does not stop there: the changed rocks change the stream in turn; alterations in the stony bed change the course of the stream itself. The new course changes the rocks in new ways, and so forth.

The human mind is altered by time, but time itself is baptized by contact with the imagination. The imagination amplifies how we experience the past: we can gratefully imagine how things could have turned out much worse than they did. Conversely, we can choose to torment ourselves with the power to imagine how much better life could have been. But the imagination can also make the future seem inhabitable. The person for whom the future holds no imaginable significance is likely to enjoy a less meaningful present. 

As someone who wrestles with depression, I have real sympathy for anyone who considers the future likely to be desolate and uninhabitable. Nor am I surprised when bleak assumptions lead to bleak opinions and bleak paintings. But I must try to cast a critical eye on such assumptions when they arise in my own mind. And when bleak surveys of the future form the basis for drastic calls to action, I wonder exactly how did it happen, this shriveling of the imagination, this inability (in the words of poet Dana Gioia) to “dream of a future so fitting and so just / that our desire will bring it into being.” 

What follows are some scattered thoughts on a recent opinion piece by Kristen Pyszczyk positing an ecological mandate to procreate less. 

Pyszczyk takes as her starting point the announcement by Fixer Upper stars Chip and Joanna Gaines that they are expecting their fifth child. Pyszczyk notes an online backlash against this announcement, and says she was surprised:

Not because I disagree with their critics, who admonished the couple for having too many kids, but rather because it's a sentiment so seldom heard in a society that generally celebrates procreation with almost militant cheerfulness.

I am amazed by Pyszczyk’s apparent struggle to understand why people celebrate procreation so much. Complaining about some taboo against “criticizing parents for having too many kids” would be like Westboro Baptist Church members grousing about a taboo against protesting military funerals. Society has no need for taboos against notions that can only bubble up in the mind of someone predisposed to extreme zealotry. How pleasant it is to imagine that disagreements stem from the irrationality of others. If one’s position meets widespread unpopularity because of a “taboo”, an “almost militant” sentiment, or an “uncritical” contagion, then surely one is excused from the risky task of scrutinizing one’s own motives too closely.

While having a child or five is a very personal choice, it's also a choice that affects everyone who inhabits our planet. So while many people might find the backlash unwarranted, it's actually a conversation we need to have in order to challenge our uncritical acceptance of the life-fulfillment-through-procreation story.

Pyszczyk employs the term “conversation” three times in this piece, but she uses it as a euphemism for whatever is the opposite of conversation. She seems to have no interest in persuading anyone through dialogue. She advocates calling people out for having lots of kids and shaming them into having fewer kids (henceforth will I refer to this as the Pyszczk Maneuver). Oh, I don’t know; a conversation centering on being shamed and called out just does not appeal much to me.

Procreation is becoming a global public health concern, rather than a personal decision. So when people do irresponsible things like having five children, we absolutely need to be calling them out.

The only noteworthy ecological effect of “calling out” parents with lots of kids as “irresponsible” would be to befoul the atmosphere by exposing one’s own toxic asininity.

Someone who might be inclined to have children, yet who chooses not to in order to help the earth, has my admiration for incurring so real a cost by acting in a principled way. That person also has a measure of my sadness, because I imagine the path they choose to walk may be very lonely at times. I say all this as I walk my own lonely path in life. 

Pyszczyk writes:

Population control is a fraught topic, and carries with it associations with eugenics and other nasty historical events. But we still need to talk about it, and people who reacted strongly to the Gaines' pregnancy announcement know this on some level. It's not an exaggeration to say that the survival of our species depends on it.

Population control is not merely associated with “nasty historical events” like eugenics; population control was the animating principle for the perpetrators of those atrocities. Indeed, the history of population control alarmism is a long train of abuse and hubristic overreach. Today’s theories remain tainted (inescapably, to my mind) by the heinous stank of odious and cruel social projects like eugenics and one-child policies, not to mention the spectacularly failed predictions of famine and devastation made by the likes of Thomas Malthus, Paul Ehrlich, and others.

By no means should past abuses and quackpot tendencies invalidate concerns about humanity’s impact on the natural world. Quite the contrary. Likewise, just because every so often some kook hauls himself out of a dank pit and decides to predict the date of Doomsday in the name of the Lord, his kookery has exactly zero bearing on the truth claims of Christianity.

I am troubled by the way Pyszczk glosses over eugenicist and racist aspects of population theory. She claims that “the survival of our species depends on” population control. If the situation is that dire, if [cue cinematic music] the fate of humanity is at stake, then what possible justification can there be for not forcing people to procreate less or physically winnowing the population? If a certain number of babies truly is too heavy a burden for the earth to bear, then would not the ruling authorities actually have a moral obligation to forcibly reduce the population? I do not see how a person’s choice matters if humanity truly hangs in the balance. 

The Pyszczk Maneuver will never persuade anyone who is not already amenable to its logic. Its core problems are ethical and evidential, but the message of the Pyszczk Maneuver also faces an impossibly steep public relations battle. Hectoring an extremely well-liked celebrity couple for having a baby seems like a fine hill to die upon. 

I see no way to argue for a reduction in people without inviting an array of half-sarcastic replies like “which people?” and “you first.” To argue in any respect for “fewer people” is to first plant in my imagination the seed of a person’s existence. That hypothetical person acquires real weight in my mind, and for me to then wipe that person out of existence would be participation in a hate crime against otherness.

“Now,” Pyszczk writes, “as a feminist, I tend to oppose any cultural conversation that involves telling a woman what to do with her body.” Pyszczk then constructs an elaborate rationale for why she feels comfortable telling other women to have fewer children. Such moral contradictions will arise in our wacky hyper-modern world, where people still want the narrative satisfaction of eschatological meaning traditionally provided by religion, but not the burden of having to be traditionally religious in respectable society. So one cobbles together one’s own sources of narrative meaning. When one’s personal vision of Utopia fails to materialize, the next step is to seek the consolations of Apocalypse. Some amount of pricking and poking seems inevitable when you inhabit an epistemological nest of your own making, cobbled together with any contradictory twigs and scraps you could gather. Pyszczk senses two sides of her values coming into conflict and cannot really reconcile them.

People crave justice. They see nature ravaged and tortured under rack and screw and forced to give unreliable testimony, and so where nature cannot speak the truth, people rightly cry out for justice on her behalf. I lament all plundering and exploitation of the earth and its creatures, and I question my preference for ways of living that insulate me from the claims of nature and leave me blind to the goodness and sheer fragility of natural life. I affirm the need to steward and protect ecological resources. But the Pyszczk Maneuver seems obviously counterproductive. I can scarcely imagine a more efficient way of alienating people against the environment than by shaming them for their desire for children, all on the basis of extremely flimsy speculation. And I do not see any way to argue for an ecological mandate to have fewer kids without shaming people who have or want to have lots of kids. 

Concerns about ecological justice must be grounded in humility, given the overwhelming complexity of being. “All the efforts of the human mind cannot exhaust the essence of a single fly,” declared Thomas Aquinas over seven centuries ago. The more attention I pay to the small things in my midst, the more voluminous they become and the more they absorb me. The more I look at a thing, the more substantial thingness it seems to possess. 

Think about the early days of microscopes. Can you imagine how wonderful it must have been for a man of learning to peer through a microscope for the first time and see the world with a whole new perspective? What a rush of blood to the brain; what intellectual vertigo it must have been. The seventeenth-century poet and mystic Thomas Traherne looked at a common housefly under the glass and what he found was a marvel beyond marvels:

The Creation of Insects affords us a Clear Mirror of Almighty Power, and Infinite Wisdom with a Prospect likewise of Transcendent Goodness. Had but one of those Curious and High Stomached flies, been Created, whose Burnisht, and Resplendent Bodies are like Orient Gold, or Polisht Steel; whose Wings Are So Strong, and Whose Head so Crowned with an Imperial Tuff, which we often see Enthroned upon a Leaf, having a pavement of living Emrauld beneath its feet, their contemplating all the World…the Infinit Workmanship about his Body the Marvellous Consistence of his Lims, the most neat and Exquisit Distinction of his Joynts, the Subtile and Imperceptible Ducture of his Nerves, and Endowments of his Tongue, and Ears, and Eyes, and Nostrils; the stupendious union of his Soul and Body, the Exact and Curious Symmetry of all his Parts, the feeling of his feet and the swiftness of his Wings, the Vivacity of his quick and active Power...

Life overpowers me with plenitude. Perhaps Pyszczk and I simply inhabit mental worlds too radically different to be bridged: while I stroll down to the neighbor’s barn behind my house, she aspires to the rings of Saturn. The small world of a backyard, a neighborhood, a sloping hill, a patch of woodland—to me these are places replete with possibility and mystery. Just yesterday my little world was transformed with snow, and the tree outside my window filled up with cardinals. I spent hours watching dozens of fat red males and dappled gray-brown females bustle and perch and fuss and feed.

I could not say for sure how moving a handful of pebbles from one spot to another might affect the course of a flowing stream; what, then, is there to say to those who would not blush at reducing human life to carbon footprints and doling out blithe judgments on which person’s future should or should not be blotted out? What algorithm or cost-benefit analysis or predictive model can possibly account for the ripples in time that may emanate from a single human life, let alone whole groups of people? What wretched slide into cultural glaciation must the people of Iceland undergo in order to systematically annihilate people with Down Syndrome through abortion? You may bend the direction of the stream to your will; you may change the way the water moves by rearranging the rocks and the sand and the dirt; but you cannot account for the way the stream will change you in return.

[anyway-i-love-vanderwood]

Vanderweek Day 1

✿ Iiiiiiit’s Vanderweek! For day one, I’ve written out my HEAVILY headcannoned version of my Vanderwood’s backstory. Warning for mentions of dysphoria, harassment, bullying, child abuse, and some slurs.

I hope you enjoy! 

Throughout Mary Vanderwood the III’s life, they had discarded names, pronouns, and titles like most people discarded empty pens or splintered pencils.

On a hazy, smoke-covered morning at approximately 5:45am, the name ‘Oliver Poppins’ was written on a birth certificate, and an exhausted woman – so very young, too young to be a mother – was driven home by her similarly too-young, not-yet husband. The newborn cradled in her arms was a pudgy thing, oddly shaped as most babies are, with a frizz of blond hair and squinty eyes whose color reminded her of molten caramel. When she looked into his face for the first time, she knew she loved her child. She knew that nothing would ever keeping her from loving that child.

Unfortunately, the heart is weak and prone to wandering, and by the time Oliver was five, time had made a liar out of her. He was no longer a darling boy, but instead became a little brat.

[the rest is under the read more!]an

It’s hard to say that it was her fault, given that she spent too much time working in a small, dingy little shop that sold cigarettes, cigars, pipes and tobacco, and when she came home, she spent too much time cooking for a man who never had much nice to say about anything. Perhaps it’d be hard to say it was her husband’s fault too, given that he’d grown up in a small, dingy little apartment in Birmingham, he lived in a small, dingy little apartment in Birmingham, and it was likely that he’d die in a small, dingy little apartment in Birmingham. Such a life had a way of withering the soul, but neither was it little Oliver’s fault, for he’d never chosen to be born out of wedlock as an accidental child to a couple that was far too poor to afford anything of note for him.

Despite being the most innocent of the three, it was Oliver was the one who bore the brunt of his parents combined dissatisfaction and so acquired the title of burden.

Starting school was simultaneously a source of relief and of eternal torment, as young Oliver was finally given a way to escape his home and the ire of his parents… only to earn the ire and condescension of his peers.

By the time he was in his third year, he felt he’d heard it all. Rat-boy. Idiot. Scabby-knees, smelly-breath, ugly, dirty, filthy, gross, unwanted. The only thing he was fond of was, oddly enough, when the boys in his class jeered and called him Mary Poppins. He went home that day and asked who that was, and his mother – her exhaustion giving way to a rare moment of tender care – showed Oliver what soon became his favorite movie.

It caused him to dream. He wished he lived in that well-to-do house, wished he was rich and happy and had a cool magic nanny who floated down from the sky using an enchanted umbrella. (In his fourth year, he was sent to the hospital for trying to be that cool magic nanny with an enchanted umbrella and, instead, fell flat on his face and broke his collarbone.)

Oliver Poppins was hit for that, and he never tried to dream again.

As he grew, his hair darkened into a deep brown, his expression darkened into a sullen frown, and his skin darkened with a smattering of ugly bruises. When pressed, he told the school councilor he was just a clumsy person, and that they were all accidental. The school councilor believed him, because it was much easier than the alternative, and everyone else gossiped about how he lived in a storeroom and his parents beat him senseless.

This wasn’t entirely off-the-mark, as the entirety of the Poppins apartment was, quite frankly, a storeroom. Mr. Poppins couldn’t bear to throw anything away, so the small space was made even more small by piles of junk and towering refuse. Nothing could be cleaned, nothing could be thrown away, and Oliver Poppins had long ago forgotten what color the walls were, what material the floors were made of.

Perhaps he never knew. Perhaps, to him, it was always soot and paper.

Perhaps to him, the world was always dark and grey.

In his tenth year of school, Oliver tried putting on make-up for the first time.

It was rebellion in its purest, simplest form. Everything around him was filthy, vile. It felt like the dirt had burrowed into his skin, like the hate had clawed its way into the very core of his essence, and in his desperation to tear it all off, to feel something other than vile, he sought out things that were supposed to be beautiful. He skipped class to put on stolen foundation and lipstick in the school’s bathroom, and when the boys who came into the bathroom to smoke found him with shadow on his eyelids and blush on his cheeks, they started calling him queer. Trannie. Shemale.

Maybe I am, he thought to himself as he covered his bruises with smooth paste. Maybe they should have put that on my birth certificate instead, because it’s not like anyone calls me Oliver very much.

Girls are prettier, anyway. Maybe I’d be happier if I was one of those.

After her eleventh year of school, that teenager who wasn’t really sure what or who he was decided to drop out of school to disappear. It wasn’t that she hated school itself – far from it. He was a very clever girl, and raised in different circumstances, she could have become a well-regarded adult. But no one cared about him, so she cared about no one else, and he thought it’d be better if her existence was erased once and for all.

That was, in fact, what ended up happening, though not really in the way that he expected.

Every day, Oliver walked home alone from school, but on a cloudy afternoon in April, her walk was interrupted by an array of bullies. Except, at that point in her life, the people who bullied Oliver Poppins were very big, very strong, and very hateful of boys who wanted to be anything like girls. It was the sort of encounter that could have easily lead to more than just some bruises and a scraped knee.

Except, Oliver Poppins didn’t care anymore, and when someone is that pissed off and that furious at the world, they become a very inconvenient opponent. Despite being outnumbered and outclassed, she held her fucking own, and tore red into their faces with his sharp, prettily painted nails. Fuck them, she thought to herself. Fuck them all.

Fuck everyone on this god-damned earth.

The conflict left her scathed but, ultimately, alright, and she found an alley to sulk in and light up a cigarette.

That was where he found her.

Like Oliver, he wasn’t the sort of person who hadn’t much of a name, and to Oliver, he gave her a chance to discard hers. He’d been watching her, he said, watching her performance in school, her instances of petty theft, and he’d watched her conflict with the group of bullies, too. She was an interesting child. Desperate, homeless, yet very bright, very clever. Furious and fervent – it’d be a shame if someone like that withered away, wouldn’t it? If someone like that died in a small apartment in Birmingham, with nothing to show for their life but sorrow and a heart full of regrets?

Wouldn’t it be a complete shame if he died as miserable, pathetic little Oliver Poppins?

Oliver agreed, and desperate enough to follow a stranger into the dark, he became Codename: Vanderwood.

The Agency sought to recruit people with no attachment to their former lives. It made it so much easier for them to be tools rather than people, after all. They could become anyone, be anything, because they had started off in this world as nothing. They were moldable, shapeable, transformable.

Vanderwood was remade into a secret agent, and for once in their life, everything could be as pretty and orderly and clean as they wanted.

Beyond her desire to scour the remnants of filth and pestilence off his flesh, Vanderwood had no idea what she wanted to be. A boy? A girl? A cruel person? A kind person? An intelligent person? A strong person? A cheerful person? A sad person? Vanderwood took on so many roles, so many identities as she worked that, in the end, his entire personality and sense of being became an amorphous blob. Agent Vanderwood simultaneously meant nothing and everything, and in the end, they decided, fuck it.

A shadow like them couldn’t be labeled or named. They just were. Boundless, formless, completely without grounding or attachment. Their identity was wholly at the discretion of the Agency, and they contented themselves with being a knife wielded by the shadowy figures who hid behind the curtain of society.

At least – that’s how it was, until Vanderwood met Agent Zero-Seven.

They were assigned to be his handler, and from the first time they looked into Zero-Seven’s eyes, they understood that this was a creature with origins similar to Vanderwood’s own. Zero-Seven was a stern boy, sullen, with a personality that fit the numerical designation the Agency had given him. Zero-Seven never spoke of his family, but he didn’t have to, really. It was clear in his eyes, in his posture… He had, like Vanderwood, been raised in a cage.

He had, like Vanderwood, been forced out of his old identity by the brutality of the world.

Maybe Vanderwood felt bad for him. Maybe that’s why they tried to pull him out of his shell a little bit, joke with him some, make snide comments about terribly dressed people on the street and the stupid marks that they were assigned to eliminate. Maybe that’s why they, for once – without really knowing what they were doing – sought to label themselves as something: Zero-Seven’s friend. Maybe that’s why they tried to keep him from working himself to death, maybe that’s why they forced this Korean boy to watch movies from their childhood and laugh a little.

Maybe that’s why, when they found an old copy of Mary Poppins in a bargain bin, they brought it to his apartment, popped it in, and made him experience one of the few glimmers of hope from their childhood. And maybe that’s why, when Zero-Seven pointed at the screen and said, “Oh my god, she’s just like you!”, they laughed and said that perhaps their full name should be Mary Vanderwood.

Maybe that’s why, when Seven finally started to laugh, and joke, and play, they allowed him to append the Third to their ridiculous, ridiculous name. A true British agent needed a posh sounding name, he said! And the pretentious, uppity personage called Vanderwood needed a pretentious, uppity name to match.

Throughout Mary Vanderwood the III’s life, they had discarded names, pronouns, and titles like most people discarded empty pens or splintered pencils. Nothing mattered to them, everything was transient, and the only thing that they defined themselves with was the iron rule of the Agency that they owed everything to. But Zero-Seven – who was ridiculous, stupid, idiotic, yet somehow precious enough that they desperately didn’t want him to suffer – made a mark on their life that stuck, despite everything.

Despite everything, there was one person in the world who said their name with a smile, and Mary Vanderwood the III’s life began in that moment.