#so sick of this tired ass argument smh

[sonik-kun]

Reminder that WWX did use a homophobic slur (cutsleeve) before he found out he was, in fact, a "cutsleeve" himself.

I'd also argue that him taking advantage of MXY's body and the rumours associated with him by acting as a "stereotypical gay" to get out of situations was a form of homophobia in itself.

He assumed this was how crazy, gay people act - like sexual deviants. He used that stereotype on top of the rumours about MXY just to get out of sticky situations and avoid being captured.

Whilst this isn't aggressive homophobia, nor would I consider him a raging homophobe myself, he still took advantage of the world view he was raised in, which, in modern terms, was problematic in itself.

Think the harmful, stereotypical, predatory gay trope in anime that a lot of anime fans have taken issue with. That's the stereotype WWX was trying to perpetuate and brush off as a silly joke which is bordering that harmful stereotype territory mentioned above. And yet I don't see the moral "holier than thou" crowd talking about that in their analysis on "fictional characters in an ancient Chinese setting."

(Note before I get jumped on: I don't think WWX was being cruel or malicious when he did this. Nor do I think he purposely intended to sully poor MXY's image further. And I ofc don't think that WWX is a terrible person for doing so either. The guy was desperate and needed to pull tricks to avoid capture. But that still doesn't make things right by modern standards. Even if said stereotype was used to goad a load of "homophobes." Would also like to add that even after coming out, WWX didn't really challenge the societal standard or think ill of anyone who thought like that. It's not like he toured the CW with LWJ, promoting gay rights. He'd be very extraordinary for doing that and brave, too. But he didn't. Instead, he just got up to sexy times with his husband daily and lazed about living the good life. Which is valid of him, tbh, giving the shit he went through. But my point still stands. The social norm persists.)

Also, bare in mind, WWX was heavily in denial about his own sexuality at first and struggled to come to terms with it in the beginning due to the societal norms back then, anyway.

Homophobia was the norm. Stop denying that when you know most of the characters found it bizarre.

By their standards being gay was, unfortunate as it is, unusual and to them, perhaps even immoral in its own right.

By modern standards, we know now that it is wrong. And the moral consensus is that being gay is normal and should not be vilified (even then, not all cultures today have reached that consensus and LGBT rights still have a long way to go).

With this in mind and the notion of what morality meant to people back then, you mustn't hold the characters to modern standards because that was simply the world view. What was "right" back then.

You cannot say with certainty that you wouldn't be homophobic back then, in a world where people called it strange and immoral. As much as I'd like to believe that I would be one of the few who find it wrong to treat gay people poorly, most of us probably would find homosexuality strange because that was the moral consensus of that time. As such, it is unfair to hold characters like JC, JL, and JGY to modern standards for that reason. That's the point we've all been trying to make here.

(Even then, JC and JL both watched as WWX left with his hubby into the sunset and didn't speak illy of their relationship again, nor consider them social outcasts like the Jins and Mos treated MXY. It's almost as if people can change their world views entirely (or to some extent) after things become normalised. Hmm. 🧐

Furthermore, MXTX herself said that JC wasn't a bad person. She wouldn't say that if he's the "aggressive homophobe, incapable of change" like you all seem to imply he is.)

You all make this point about historical context when us JC fans criticise WWX for his clear breach of bodily autonomy with the core transfer and his own war crimes. You should apply that logic to the period typical homophobia too. Because as I have said before, you cannot say for certain that the characters would be homophobic had this taken place in a society where being gay was the norm whilst homophobia was frowned upon. Let's use some logic and context when talking about characters from an ancient time period, shall we?

[libra-stellium]

Saturn transit I tracked! Saturn trine Mars (Feb 27-Apr 18, if you have mars in Scorpio 12° like meee the dates are the same)

Descriptions from Saturn in Transit by Erin Sullivan and Planets in Transit - Robert Hand.

Saturn trine Mars

Can produce many contrary feelings with focus on issues that pertain to psychological polarities (like love vs hate)

I was having a lot of deep conversations! Also talking to myself like you can't say you want [this] but act like [that] that's not how life works! lol

Potential for burnout but only if the aspect follows a long period of unsatisfying activity

I don't think I've been burnt out during this time but I have so many heavy transits going on all I could do some days was just sit on my ass lmao like recently that mars-saturn conjunction was at 14 degrees aka my rising degree smh FUN

The form of anger of Mars-Saturn can emerge either in explosion or depression

I was pissed off some days for sure! Especially with my aunt bc I've just become so sick of listening to her talk about things she wants to get or wants to do but doing nothing about it like do something or shut up omg and my job pissed me off and this show i was watching pissed me off lol at least I wasn't depressed!

Lay the groundwork for long range goals and find that it is not only possible but enjoyable to apply ourselves diligently

I went to the doctor and he asked me to lose weight bc my blood work was on the higher end of the green and I knew this was coming lol I knew saturn return 1H was going to involve losing weight at some point! I've never truly tried before ?? I was active bc I was always dancing on a team but when I wasn't in school anymore that stopped lol so i've been trying out different recipes recently bc food and ordering out is my biggest weakness! I've cooked a lot over the last couple months and it's been nice! It's like a muscle so the more you do it the less hard it feels to get up and do it again. I also got an electional reading on 3/18 for best date to get my gym membership. Putting the pieces together fr!

Will highlight times when it is best to be cautious about expending more than our immediate energy allows

I've been fucking tired bruh! I get bursts of energy and then I have to recuperate for 3 days lol

Brings acute awareness of our range of influence and power in the world

This has been interesting because one of the attorneys I work with has been showing how much he trusts me lately and I'm like omgggg he was like "be honest does my argument here sound stupid?" lmaoo It's really easing the imposter syndrome!

Mars’s drive is tempered by Saturn in the trines allowing more productive and realistic avenues for expressing ambition and assertiveness

I noticed this in the meals I was choosing to prepare! Instead of going 0-100 like "I'm gonna stop ordering out cold turkey and I'm gonna meal prep every day" I've been finding easy recipes I like and just buying those ingredients and trying it out! The rest of the time I would make it real basic with just a rice, protein, veggie combo lol can't go wrong there!

Able to organize many small details into larger tasks

Idk why I thought this one would show up in me finishing this 3000 piece puzzle that's laid out on my floor lmao but instead it was just being able to think clearly about all the moving pieces of planning my Amsterdam trip!

Content to be patient and to work slowly

I spent 3 weeks with nothing to do at work at all and that was just sooooo boring but I wasn't nearly as antsy as I had been before when that happened.

Expectations are modest and you are willing to do whatever is necessary to achieve them

My goals this transit were just to cook more and actually use the groceries I bought. Even today I ate my last banana! I'm not ashamed to say I'm a banana buyer but I only eat one and the rest stay there to rot but this time I ate all 4!

This is not a glamorous time in your life but your actions can lead to real and lasting accomplishments

Facts omg my apt is not cute rn but I wasn't in the mood to upkeep it (aka put my clean clothes away lol) but I am cleaning up on the last couple days of this transit so it better stay clean for a while lol

[iwatchanime30]

Let's debunk some memes coz I am tired and bored:

Yeah she made fun of an orphan in episode 3 when she was focking 11 when Naruto has 700 chapters. Oh and also, she was the first to acknowledge his dream of Hokage, and saved his ass 11 times. But yeah let's go back to episode 3 because we are soooo perfect that we have never done anything immature as kids.

1)🙃😑

2)Yeahhhh in episode 3 amongst 320 episodes, 700 chapters and God knows how many light novels. Saves his life 11 times.

3)Do people still think that shit? Both Sakura and Naruto saw how broken Sasuke is because of his past and wants to help him with full support. Stop treating Sasuke as though he is some sort of a spoiled brat.

1)Not useless first of. Hits him 17 times in 700 chapters when he is being a pervert or disrespectful to someone.

2)She had 2 seconds before Madara came smh. Sir how would you react if someone asked you to stab there eye?

3)Yeah cause she is a bully. B@#$ she lied to protect him from going after Sasuke. Sure that was extreme cause she underestimated Naruto's love for her, but she didn't do it to harm Naruto. It was protection.

Oh really, how is this a lie? She tried soooo hard, trained under Tsuande to surpass her at 17. She doesn't isn't a jinchuriki or an Uchiha, she uses pure raw strength and trained under Tsunade. What she meant was that she doesn't need anymore to protect her anymore.

*cries 2 times for concern of her friends, how useless asf, Sakura haters never cry guys, that's canon*

Yeah meanwhile She is the strongest kunoichi, what the fuuuuckkkk is wrong with glasses lmao. Sarada had Sharingan and got sick as young kid, that's why she needs glasses. Now Obito wore eyedrops btw. What is wrong with glasses mfs?

woww. Equality asf. Let's shame a teenager for having small boobs. This isn't even about her being curvy in the manga, why is shameful to have a small chest? Plus Sasuke is probably the last person on earth to ever care about boob size of the girl he likes. Why is small boobs=useless?

No words. This meme looks like it was either made by someone dysfunctional or by an ai because it looks like random shit out together to make a big piece of shit.

She cut her hair to free herself from Kin's grip, and she grew her hair for Sasuke and she cut it for her own self. Also why Kushina and Hinata? Sakura can quite easily defeat both of them. Also funfact: Naruto's the strongest Hokage. He has short hair. Sasuke and Kakashi have short hair. Itachi and our Pain has short hair hell Obito has short hair lmao. Since this argument is so bitchy that "long hair" = strong, it has to be responded in that way only. Plus Sakura vs Kin fight some people like to bitch around by saying this shit

"wHen yOu hAvE mUlTiPlE cLeAr wAyS tO dEfEaT yOuar oPpoNenaT bUt yOu are sAkuRa"

Hun, are you dumb? Kin said the Kunai wouldn't work against her, also if Sakura stabbed Kin to see if the kunai works and it doesn't? Poof!

Naruto: Rolling end credits.

Lmao more like

Me when I don't understand shit in the series and watch Naruto from reels and memes.

Og Fish. Fish Uzumaki, Fish Uchiha, Fish Hyuga, Fish Nara, Fish shippuden,

Fish-The Last

And Hidden leaf shinobi alliance made up of fishes. And so many more fishes.

By catching up she meant that she doesn't need protection.

Not tryna be boomer or anything, but Sakura haters are toxic and just the worst.

More to come later! Old memes, still trending so why not.

[blackpantahh-blog]

Passionfruit

Erik (Killmonger) Stevens/Black!Reader

Summary: As far as reader feels, long distance relationships hardly ever work... Or do they?

Word Count: 1.9k 

Notes: FR Ya’ll spare my ass cause this shit is my first posted fic and boiii im out here scared shITLESS

Listen,Seeing you got ritualistic

Cleansing my soul of addiction now ‘Cause I’m fallin’ apart.

Yeah, tension

Between us just like picket fences

You got issues I won’t mention for now, Cause we’re fallin’ apart..

You stood in the shower thinking about the last time you had a real conversation with Erik, the detached shower head close to your face as you rinsed the deep conditioner out of your stubborn curly hair. The start of this month might've actually been the end of y'all little three month relationship, ever since you moved out of Oakland to go be closer to your family in another state, he kind of cut all of your contact with him short.

The arguments started to pop up more, conversation over the phone became tense and brief. You definitely felt that spark between the two of you beginning to slip away and it was pissing you off because you still had yet to understand why he would stop speaking to you just because you moved.

You stepped out of the shower after you slid the shower head back on its mount, not bothering to ring out your wash rag as you threw it back on the towel rack. You threw your hair up in a towel, and wrapped another around your body frame, exiting the steamy bathroom to throw some shit on before bed.

‘Don’t Touch My Hair’ blasted through the speakers of your iPhone 8, to which you’d thrown on your queen mattress, letting the towel hanging off your titties fall to the floor of your modest bedroom. As you threw on some pajamas, the song playing from your phone had been interrupted shortly with a ding, as you perked up. “Who the hell’s texting me this late at night?” You fussed to yourself, eyebrows furrowed as you looked at the iMessage displayed across the screen.

My Boo “You up?”

You rolled your eyes, picking up the cell phone and typing up a reply. “Yeah. Just hopped out the shower. Y.”

“Jus wonderin. Take a pic for me.”

“Naw. Too tired for that freaky shit.”

You waited a good two minutes for a reply before you sucked your teeth, throwing your phone back down, going to sit down in front of your vanity mirror, detangling your hair carefully so you didn’t accidentally pull your hair from your damn scalp. You chuckled to yourself, it gave you a rush of confidence turning down Erik like that. He stayed expecting to get something from you when he rarely ever gave. Even though when he gave it was amazing but…. that’s besides the point.

You wasn't about to sit there and tend to his every need when he didn't do the same for you anymore. Y’all changed and it hurt like hell, whether you wanted to admit it or not.

Passionate from miles away

Passive with the things you say

I can't blame you, no.

You finally got a reply back from him, as you turned out your bedroom light, climbing under your bed sheets. “Smh.”

“When's the next time I'm gonna see you?” You decided to change the subject since it wasn't going anywhere. Despite being a little mad at Erik, you still wanted to at least have a conversation with the nigga. “IDK. Gotta see how my schedule look. Y don't you come 2 me?”

“That can be arranged.”

“Bet. Wyd?”

You instantly rolled your eyes at the question, you hated when he asked you that because every time he'd ask, you're doing something boring. “About to fall asleep. But you keeping me up ofc.”

“Good. I want you 2 think abt me when you dreamin.” You smirked at that, deciding to leave him on read as you turned your phone off with a soft ‘click’, tucking it under your pillow after plugging it in.

Passionate from miles away

Passive with the things you say

I can't blame you, no.

You were seriously gonna plan going back to California to see this man, but you'd have to let your people know first ahead of time so they weren't just wondering why you disappeared again.

By the time your alarm went off for work, you had sleep like two minutes max, so it made you grouchy as hell. You flipped the thin sheets off of your soft chocolate legs, eyes heavy as shit as you forced yourself to get ready for another day of your regular ass hustle.

You threw on your work uniform after taking a quick shower, grabbing up your apartment keys and essentials before you left the house for your job.

_ _ _

Listen,

Harder building's trust from a distance. 

Let's rule out commitment for now, cause we're fallin’ apart.

Leavin’? You’re just doing that to get even.

Don’t pick up the pieces, just leave it for now

Cause we’re fallin’ apart.

By the time you got back to your crib, you were all the way burnt out, your feet burning and tired from running around doing so much stock in that small, agitating retail shop you worked at.

You swore as soon as you stepped through the door, your phone started ringing, making you let out a groan. “Hello?” You hadn’t even bothered to look at the caller ID to see who it was.

“Damn, who pissed you off today?” The remark made you suck your teeth as you glanced at your feet, slipping out of your ugly ass work shoes, and stumbling over to your couch. “Everybody.” You bit back, letting your eyes fall close as you laid down on the comfortable seating. “Even me?”

“Especially you.” A sleepy smile spread across your face at the sound of Erik’s deep chuckle in your ear. “But I called you to let you know that you prolly won't be able to come to visit me.”

The comment made you sit up, back aches and all, your pretty face screwing up. “And nigga why not?” Erik let out a huff of air at your aggressive attitude, he knew you'd react like this before he even said anything. “Because this week I'm working heavily so by the time I get home, Imma be tired as hell. So don't waste your time tryna visit.”

“Fuck you mean “waste my time”? Erik we haven't seen each other for months now. Why would that be a waste of time?” Another impatient noise came from his end of the line, you listened to the sudden silence coming from your phone's speaker, only brief shuffling.

“Y/N–”

“No, Erik. If you don't want me to come then just be real with me. I know that bitch that's in your house right now wouldn't want me to be there either.”

You spat, you didn't want to be the one to be starting shit but you and Erik been distant for awhile now and you were sick of it. “Y/N, that's far from the fucking case. You should know that.”

“I don't know shit anymore, Erik.” You heard Erik sigh again, “You accusing me of having bitches in my house but why the fuck you looking so fine every time you post on the gram, huh? What nigga you dressing up for?”

You were so stunned at his accusation that it made you speechless, Erik’s side getting quiet again as he waited for a valid explanation. “What are you talking about? I dress up for my damn self.”

“Then stop saying I got women in my house, and trust me when I tell yo ass that it's work that's keeping me busy.” You knew you were being unfair and irrational by accusing him of cheating, but you were so dead set on traveling to him that it infuriated you that he would tell you not to come at all.

“Fine, Erik..” You weren't about to apologise to him because you were still mad, Erik knew that much. But his work wasn't the type of job that you could just call out on. His schedule was full and he needed you to just deal with that for the time being.

“Now stop poutin’ and tell me how ya’ day went.”

_ _ _

Passionate from miles away

Passive with the things you say

I can't blame you, no.

Passionate from miles away

Passive with the things you say

I can't blame you, no.

It's a few weeks later and you're chilling, curled on your small loveseat as you waste away the rest of your off day watching Game of Thrones and snacking on unhealthy shit. You ran a few errands today like restocking your kitchen, and paying off your rent for the month, so now you were just relaxing in some tight ass pajama shorts and a grey tank top.

You felt your phone buzz in your lap, and then buzz again as you grabbed it from its spot huddled halfway between your legs. It was Erik.

“Open ya door.” As you read the message, loud knocking radiated throughout your apartment, making you jump from your spot on the couch, going into fight or flight mode as you approached the door. You took a peek through the peephole in the door, snatching it open when you saw Erik standing in front of your door, his dreads cascaded over his face as he stared down at the lit screen of his phone.

“What the hell are you doing here!” You hissed at him, the chain of your door lock obstructing some of your view, as you stared him down.

“Good to see you too. I thought yo ass missed me, but now we speaking through locked doors?” You rolled your eyes, closing the door to unlatch the lock. After you unlocked it, Erik opened the door to let himself in.

You glared at his feet with a raised eyebrow, his black and white Air Max 95s still laced on his feet as he stepped on your freshly vacuumed carpeted floor. “You might wanna take those off before I drag ya ass back out the door.” He rolled his eyes, taking off his expensive sneaks and putting them neatly on your shoe shelf by the door. “Thank you, sir.”

“Mhm.” He hummed, walking around your apartment, oddly scanning the area. You watched amused as he dipped down, looking under your couch, and then your loveseat. “Erik, What are you looking for.” That came out as a statement more than a legitimate question.

“That nigga you been dressin’ up for lately.” The comment made you double over with laughter, as Erik rose back up from his spot where he was laid out on the floor, staring at you with a stoic expression. “You think I’m playin’ Y/N?”

“Yes. Yes I do.” You caught your breath after cracking up, crossing your arms again. “Nigga, you came all the way here just for that? I’m hurt.”

“No, babygirl,” He walked across the room to where you stood, grabbing both of your arms to uncross them, letting his own slip around your waist, pulling you towards him in one quick motion. “I came here to see my chocolate goddess.” He leaned in for a kiss, to which you dodged by moving your head back, watching him frown up, “Stop playin’.” You snorted, letting a smile spread across your face as you lifted your arms to wrap around his neck, leaning up on your tip-toes.

“I missed you so damn much, babygirl.” You hummed in reply, practically melting in his grasp as you relished in the feel of his lips against your own. Your eyebrows furrowed deeply, pulling back from the kiss suddenly, as Erik opened his eyes, eyeing you curiously.

“Erik– how’d you get my fuckin’ address?”

...

[offtothepictures]

mamma mia! (2008) - part 1

mamma mia! is a musical starring meryl streep and amanda seyfried (post-mean girls but pre-les mis), in which seyfried’s character sophie discovers she has three potential dads and invites all three of them to her wedding on an idyllic greek island. got all that? and the best and DEFINITELY most important aspect? it’s allllll ABBA songs baby. talk about culture clash (1970s sweden vs 2008 greece? actually we’ll come to the 2008 part later). it’s cheesy and raucous and loud and sweet and an utter riot of joy, and the only musical my best friend actually doesn’t hate. and his excuse for hating musicals is that they’re cheesy so i think someone needs to work on their argument.

hi everyone! so love island has finished, i’ve just got back from holiday to torrential rain – thanks england – and meryl streep owns my ass, so before i go and see mamma mia! here we go again a gazillion more times (and meet the director AGHHHHH yes that’s actually happening) i’m gonna review the first one! bear in mind that i’ve seen this film literally 100 million times please. i can’t actually stress how much i adore this film and it’s my comfort film that i watch when I’m sad or ill or tired or bored in history. i’ll pick holes in the technical aspects of it but just know that i would die for this film. got it? lets go.

visually, it’s a pretty film. nothing toooo wild or groundbreaking (like florals for spring) but it’s saturated and dusty and bright and 100% suits the tone and setting of the film. it also has a softness and realness to it that i feel we don’t get anymore from hollywood in 2018 – if a film isn’t crisp and chockablock with cgi and visual effects, then it’s not making bank, and that includes you, new mamma mia. from a glance at this film, you know it’s set in the mediterranean. also the faded and bright quality of the film evoke some of the 70s imagery, not only of ABBA but of donna’s (meryl streep) past.

the costumes are also gorgeous and so camp and bright and cheesy! mamma mia! knows what film it is and keeps itself campy and cheesy without skimping on quality, and this is especially prevalent in the disco costumes, particularly super trouper and the end credits (which are oscar worthy in themselves lets be honest)

so I know it was originally a west end musical and having source material makes screenwriting easier, but i love the way the songs are worked in. nothing feels forced and once again, the crew didn’t have to compromise on quality by changing most of the words, which is a relief to the avid ABBA fan. and yes, this is a complaint i’ll revisit in my mamma mia! here we go again review.

why does sophie go post her letters on the mainland at midnight? did she sneak out? didn’t donna or sky question this?

also this will come up again a bit later but why do they have to shoot night scenes during the day and then try to colour correct? It’s just PAINFUL. can’t y’all shoot at night? jesus. also this is my theory as to why they cut the name of the game later in the film with bill and sophie – because it looked like shite!!!

this is EVIDENTLY SHOT DURING THE DAY CAN’T Y’ALL EVEN TRY?! THAT IS FUCKING SUNLIGHT BUT I GUESS MAYBE I’M WRONG AND THAT’S NOT HOW LIGHT WORKS

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE SONG WAS “I’M TALL I’M TALL I’M TINY” BUT I GUESS I’M WRONG also i love that being ‘tough’ is this scottish girl’s quantifier in her friendship group. is that racist? smh mamma mia u ain’t woke

you know what isn’t fucking mentioned once in mamma mia 2? (yes i am already sick of typing out the whole damn name so this is what you get) BILL’S ICONIC EYE TATTOOS. okay butch count olaf i see u sweetie

did they hire christine baranski before or after this line was written? because either way that’s…………. savage

this is 1000000% a whole ass reach but is sophie wearing three little stars on her necklace to represent her dads? Because that’s some adorable shit right there

this is still the coolest scene transition ever imo

okay why have they got sophie doing these anime-ass gasps when she sees her dads for the first time lmao

QUESTION: how did sophie meet her two friends? did they stay on the island? this IS a question i’ll be asking director of mamma mia! here we go again ol parker when i see him in two weeks. also WHERE ARE THEY IN THE SECOND MOVIE FFS

and on that note how does sophie know sky?

sooooo this film is supposedly set in 2000? if sophie is born in 1980 according to the second mamma mia film…… so sky is setting up a website for donna in 2000? i did some research trying to trip the film up for not actually being set in 2000 when it was released but i can’t find anything incriminating. just know….. that i know the truth. you can’t hide from me phyllida lloyd.

Is aunt sophia dead?

the guy who hits on tanya does have a name and it is pepper. i was initially wondering why it wasn’t mentioned in the film but now i guess i know why. also it is shouted at him at some point in the second act but i guess i just thought they were….. hurling abuse?? idk

the level of innuendo in this film that completely went over my head as an 8-year-old is unreal

also shoutout to my friend hannah for not realising harry is gay even though he basically says it. and makes out with a dude. and sings take a chance on me to him which is honestly the most convincing part. love you han x

harry’s greek boyfriend is actually called petros or smth but he looks like a fabio so we’re calling him fabio

okay here’s where we’ll leave part 1!! keep ya peepuhs peeled (not ya noggin. god that’s quite the reference) for part 2!!

[ravenvsfox]

Can you do pynch for the ship thing please

YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I CAN 

(god FINALLY)

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU…

who is more likely to hurt the other?

I mean. Adam doesn’t usually get hurt by ronan so much as he gets annoyed. disappointed. pissed. He never lets ronan’s venom actually get to his veins, he’s too busy telling him how unnecessary the flash of fang is. ronan on the other hand. like. he’s easy to hurt. adam would never in his life want to hurt ronan (it’s his honest to god nightmare) but I think ronan works himself into such a despair at the smallest jealousies and perceived injustices that adam could make one careless comment and ronan would fixate on it

who is emotionally stronger?

ohhhh adam. it’s adam. He’s been dragging so much emotional rubble for so long that he’s built up a tolerance. strong is like The Most adam adjective that I can think of. ronan never had to get to adam’s level of detachment and dissociation bc the first 15 years of his life were gorgeous and easy, and he’s still growing into his protective shell. Adam had to be born in his

who is physically stronger?

it’s ronan tbH he has the upper body strength of a boxer and the broad shoulders of a lynch (but also adam has clever hands and muscular thighs from years of biking everywhere and he can handle himself)

who is more likely to break a bone? 

ouch. They’re both capital R Reckless when they’re together and they have some brutal years under their belts. adam has some poorly set knobbly fingers and ronan has an old snapped clavicle that took forever to heal and constantly bruised knuckles so like. idk. In the future, when adam parrish has escaped from his childhood prison, I’d like to think that they both get ugly minor injuries from doing joyful ramp and dolly and shopping cart type activities only

who knows best what to say to upset the other? 

surprisingly difficult question to answer bc I mean. It’s ronan. but is it? he systematically winds people up and adam is so deeply irritated by him that he straight up walks away, but also adam can be ice cold?? it’s so easy to get to ronan. They both fumble and call each other mean names when they want to compliment each other it’s a big mess

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? 

holy shit would you believe neither??? the most stubborn humans on this earth!! record holders!! we got some emotional repression folks! hooooo boy

adam never starts arguments for no reason so he’s always thinking it through and coming to the conclusion that he’s in the right?? surprise he ain’t apologizing

meanwhile ronan can’t stop being cruel even though he knows it’s hurting people, it’s this vicious self-protective instinct that hurts so good and so wrong. and then his pride gets in the way once he’s cooled down. but he will come to st agnes on his knees and grab adam’s hand and try to make it clear that he’d step on his own pride on the way to adam’s door

who treats who’s wounds more often? 

sad & unfortunate :(( adam treats ronan’s solely bc ronan doesn’t know how the fuck to treat an injury and also ‘none of them wanted to hurt adam parrish’, so ronan’s got his stupid pointless anger related scrapes and adam’s got his anti-bacterial gel and they are a dream team

who is in constant need of comfort? 

neither of them come out on top here man. They’ve had some shared harrowing experiences, and some separate trauma that they’re trying to tell each other about (if their stories could just stop. sticking. when they try to say them out loud). in v different ways, neither of their families are families. Ronan doesn’t let himself fall asleep, and he doesn’t let himself go through things, and the repression starts to calcify into cruelty like it did right after his father died. adam can’t stop thinking about gansey on the roadside, and he can’t be touched some days, most days. he can’t stop swimming or he’ll die. He can’t keep swimming or he’ll die. The gangsey is a critical support system made of so many weak beams

who gets more jealous? 

are u fucking serious,,, it’s both of them pal. remember when every combination of his friends that didn’t include him made adam like. sick with jealousy. remember when ronan saw gansey talking on the phone with adam and wanted to put his hand through a wall. or when adam brought blue along on their quest and he spouted nasty shit the whole day. they both deeply want each others attention and they don’t seem to realize that they already have it? always?

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

ohh god. oh man. oh boy. Here’s the thing. adam’s gonna walk away from ronan, but he’s not gonna walk OUT on him. he’s going to walk away because he’s not on a leash, he’s gonna spread those beautiful fucking self-made wings. And ronan is too!! in his own time he’s gonna build his own spaces that aren’t the barns and he’s going to realize what home means to him and they’re both gonna walk out the door and back but never close it behind them

who will propose? 

a controversial topic! I’m on team adam for this one pals. I was on team ‘adam’s gonna kiss ronan first’ for a while before trk like a FOOL and I realized the error of my ways bc ronan is physical as fuck! and a risk-taker! of course he kissed adam smh. But a proposal? That’s a contract. That’s a speech. That’s a chess move. Ronan wouldn’t corner adam like that. Adam knows how ronan feels and more importantly he knows how HE feels himself, and I think one day ten years into their relationship the practicalities are gonna beckon and he’s gonna look ronan in the back of the head while he’s sleeping and roll over into the curve of his spine and tell him he wants a ring on his finger 

who has the most difficult parents?

omg... fuck off

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? 

tactile bastards! both of them! ronan especially wants adam’s hands...., any which way he can get them. I mean. He will kiss adam’s hands when they’re at dinner at nino’s and he’ll hook their fingers together even for the 20 second walk from the BMW to monmouth’s front door like he LIVES FOR IT (adam feels nervy and exhilarated every time it’s gay)

who comes up for the other all the time? 

i mean they’re always together so they don’t really bring each other up. if they’re not together they’re with gansey/blue/henry or even fox way babes/vancouver crowd etc and those ppl get real tired of it real quick. adam usually keeps his ronan related musings to himself though like he has self-control unlike... R.N.L. himself

who hogs the blankets? 

ronan does tbh adam has never hogged anything in his life and ronan is a shit

who gets more sad? 

an unfair Q, man. They’ve both had a super rough time, especially right post-trk?? those few months are hard. Ronan cries a lot. Adam gets numb and far away a lot. They have a lot to be sad about. (But more to be happy about. They made it. They honestly just stare at each other and laugh breathlessly and touch foreheads and hands and scars and can’t believe their luck)

who is better at cheering the other up? 

I sorta said this with ronsey but I think ronan is THE BEST at doing dumb shit to take his mind off of things. Like all that stuff about making adam quiet and turning off the lists and anxieties in his head so that they can do smth mindless and dangerous? yeah that. memes and songs and poor decisions. depression whom?

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

this never happens wtf they’re not really ‘playful slappers’ HOWEVER adam will glare at ronan so hard that it probably feels like a slap

who is more streetwise?

it reeeeally depends on your definition of streetwise?? Like if we’re talking survival it’s unquestionably adam. He can fix your car and bandage your wounds and figure out your taxes and make himself invisible and blend his accent into whoever’s around him. He’s wicked sharp and fast on his feet. But i mean. he can’t quite drive stick. and he wouldn’t be caught dead in the sort of underground that ronan ends up in. ronan is streetwise in terms of the actual street, and he knows the most brutal avenues a person can end up on, the real life nightmares that feel closest to the ones in his head. Ronan is smart enough to navigate the chaos, but adam is smart enough to avoid it altogether

who is more wise?

adam. easily. ronan is intelligent and instinctive and talented (or adam wouldn’t get him as well as he does) but adam is a genius and that look behind his eyes..... he’s lived about 1 billion times more than he should’ve by age 19

who’s the shyest? 

neither of them are shy exactly they’re just buried under 9 surface level personalities that you have to crack open with your bare fuckin hands

but if you met either of them in the hallowed halls of aglionby you would think adam was shy and ronan was a rampant fuckwad so based on appearance?? adam. he keeps his head down.

who boasts about the other more? 

as soon as adam is officially his bf ronan takes a ten year long victory lap he’s so embarrassing

who sits on who’s lap?

y’all. we all know ronan sits in adam’s. it’s a fact of life. he probably had a sexy dream about it when he was 17 and took his morning shower in holy water

[supernaturally-throned]

Fuck aight so I just saw a post on suicide and realized. I’ve never really talked about my attempt before, at least not in detail. A few of my friends found out when I was drunk once cause I couldn’t keep my mouth closed smh and I lightly told one of my friends after she said unknowingly said something shitty about people who commit. I’m just going to talk about it. I don’t really have a reason but I feel like I should finally let this out.

I was a sophomore in high school and shit was getting really bad with my family, particularly my dad. I’m not going to go into detail with that, but it was a bad situation. I was majorly depressed, and ended up getting diagnosed by my family physician a month after I attempted (she didn’t even know about the attempt). She theorized it was a hormone imbalance triggered by certain events that had transpired in my personal life. So when I should’ve gotten over it, the hormone imbalance instead made it worse and last for months. My mom was an alcoholic at the time and was riding me hard about school, gymnastics, and the shit that was going on with my dad. I didn’t really have any friends that I was actually close to and I felt really alone. My only joy/escape was reading and gymnastics but because of the depression I didn’t really enjoy them anymore. And with my mom riding me, it felt like a chore to do one of my only passions. I ended up hating it after awhile. It was like I knew I liked them but couldn’t even try without getting so tired. It didn’t feel worth it anymore. everything I did I felt like I was doing out of habit. There was no substance in my life. It was all just pointless, like in my head nothing was getting better and outside it was exactly the same. There was a stagnancy to where I was at the time that was really inopportune. Everything hurt and it didn’t feel like it would ever get better. Obviously that wasn’t true but I wasn’t thinking straight. and after months of feeling the same way I was just tired. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

After a particularly bad day I went home, grabbed one of those industrial sized bottles of ibuprofen, took it to my room, and swallowed about 3/4 of the bottle. I don’t know for sure, but I think it was about 250-300 pills. I kept pouring handfuls and then stuffing my mouth and downing it with water until I felt full and slightly nauseous. Afterwards I pulled on my most comfortable clothes and got into bed and cried for almost an hour. I didn’t cry because I regretted it, I was just scared about what was going to happen after. I cried with relief and fear and almost a sort of ‘ha fuck you’ attitude. As if that had been my only escape and no one could hurt me anymore. Like I had won a game or something. And then after calming down, I went to sleep, fully expecting not to wake up again. I didn’t dream, but I do vividly to this day remember this sense of “I’m done” that just came from nowhere. I know that sounds trippy like I was high or something and it probably was because of the drugs but, that’s what I remember feeling.

Unsurpringly (I only say this because I am obviously writing this now) I woke up the next day. I woke up by my dog jumping on my bed and curling into me and laying her head on my chest. I didn’t even remeber what I had done for a few minutes. I just sat and lazily pet my dog and thought about nothing until I remembered. Once I did, I jumped up and ran to the bathroom and forced myself to be sick to get as much of it as I could out of my body. What was surprising was that I was absolutely fine. I slept at least 8 hours with all in me and nothing was wrong. My body didn’t hurt or anything and I didn’t have any bad symptoms. I didn’t regret anything until that moment tho, that very moment when I fully understood that I should have died and didn’t. There was no logical reason as to why I didn’t. I couldn’t explain it. But once I was aware of the fact that I was still alive, I was just so relieved. I felt like I had a second chance, and even tho shit was still going on and I wasn’t cured or anything, I realized living even like how I was at the time was so much better than not living at all. I didn’t regret my actions until I realized what they really could have cost me. Looking at my dog helped me a bit with that. I remember cleaning myself up, taking a shower, and going downstairs to eat breakfast with my mom and acting like it never happened.

I was still depressed, don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to lie and say I was cured or some dumb shit like that. But I was more aware about it all and tried just a little harder to not give in. I looked for things to look forward to, like tv shows that I wanted to see the end of or books that were coming out that looked somewhat interesting. Stuff I knew I would enjoy normally. I looked for things to make me want to stay alive for another day, everyday. And at some point, almost a month later, my mom took me to my physician and told her she thought I was depressed. I was blood tested after getting asked a bunch of questions for almost an hour and at the end of it all I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. They gave me ways to help, most of which I had looked up myself and tried previously, but with better instructions on what to do when they didn’t work. I was still depressed for 2 months afterwards, but things started getting better. I started developing small connections and found people to talk to, not about this stuff but just light mundane things. My mom had me start going to a therapist as well. I never told her about this, but I did talk to her about everything else. And it helped. I began to actually enjoy things again. Very slowly but day by day, sometimes week by week, it got a little minuscule amount better. I remember one of the things I was really surprised about was food tasting good again. I hadn’t even noticed but it had just lost all flavor to me.

Anyways almost a year later my diagnosis was changed to Seasonal Depressive Disorder, which I still have, and I learned to cope. I experienced things I’m forever grateful for and made connections to people I never thought I would have. I had my first boyfriend, and had my first heartbreak, and made some amazing friends, and ended up winning over my dad in court (yay). I’m in college for God’s sake. I never thought I would actually survive past high school, and yet here I am, living in a new state with new friends and taking the steps of becoming a family physician myself. I’m so very very thankful for whatever kept me alive that day. It was really a miracle. I’m catholic and I believe it was God but I don’t claim to know that as the truth.

I know I should probably write about how I learned my lesson and where my thinking was all wrong and what I shouldn’t have done and all this other shit to help people that read this that maybe feel similar. But I’m not going to, at least not right now. Maybe later, but for now I’m really tired, it took a lot to write this lol. I will say though that as inconceivable as it sounds, it does get better. Not instantly and not on its own. But through hard ass work and some outside help. You will get past that point in your life. At least if you make an effort. One thing someone told me that kinda helped me (even though it was meant for sports, I feel like it translates to everything in life) was that you should never quit on a bad day. I could expand on this but honestly I think it’s pretty straightforward. Wait till one of your best days, when you’re batting 100 and really ask yourself if you’re willing to give it all up. Days when you’re surrounded by people or pets or things that you love. And if you can honestly say you can give it up, then ask for help from someone else. Someone to point things out to you that are worth missing. Because we don’t always think straight when we feel that way. You can’t just wait a few days while thinking with the same perspective though, you need to try to change your viewpoint, think about it in a different way. Instead of looking for reasons to kill your self, try to argue with yourself why you shouldn’t. Build an argument based on what you would say to a friend and then use it on yourself. That’ll make it easier to see things and understand where you can get help and what you need to change in your life.