#so reaffirming them just adds to the idea that the act of Telling Each Other Things is what's so important here

[galacticlamps]

ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--

But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.

And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.

That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.

Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.

And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"

So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.

Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.

[sepublic]

The Importance of ‘Girlfriend’ in Eclipse Lake

           I know people joke about how Amity keeps dropping the word “Girlfriend”, but she only ever really says it three times… Then there’s one more time by Luz herself, of course!

           And I think the reason why people act like the characters said ‘girlfriend’ so many times is because… Well on the one hand, there’s that minority of homophobic people, who think that any reference to queer people is one too many. But I think that mostly, it comes from the vast majority of supportive fans, who are just so unused to hearing the word ‘girlfriend’ used by a female character, that even just one mention of it is a lot- Much less four!

           There’s also the fact that in-universe, Amity calls deliberate attention to the word ‘girlfriend’, placing a lot of emphasis on the title, and basically flaunting it around as an achievement- The word clearly means a lot to her, so it means a lot to the audience. Add in how the other characters react to Amity, indicating that she’s mentioned this a lot… And again, the audience also begins to pay attention and view Amity’s mention of ‘girlfriend’ as a very frequent thing.

           In fact, Amity being Luz’s ‘girlfriend’ is something that’s a big deal to her arc in Eclipse Lake- It’s what her development revolves around, as Amity figures out what being Luz’s girlfriend actually entails for her, and what kinds of expectations she initially anticipates to come attached. So with how Amity treats the term, basically repeating it to herself as a reassuring mantra, and clearly treating it as such… And even though she doesn’t say it that many times on-screen, the audience gets the distinct sense that Amity has said ‘girlfriend’ a bunch regardless. 

           And this IS treated as a big deal by the characters, so naturally, so too do the viewers treat it as something to take particular notice of, each time- So when you add that onto the surprise at hearing the world ‘girlfriend’ dropped at all, in any queer context… And yeah, after subsisting on crumbs, a moderately-sized meal feels like an entire buffet to queer viewers! The word ‘girlfriend’ is not treated naturally within the show, because for Amity, she’s still getting used to it- It’s a driving motive and source of internal conflict for her… 

           And from a representative standpoint, it’s kind of ingenious how the writers have so tightly interwoven this ‘forbidden word’ into Amity’s arc and the narrative, as a core and foundational element- You can’t really remove the word without removing so much of the context and basis for Amity’s struggle and storyline here… Especially with that pivotal scene that calls specific attention to how important it is to even say that word, in-universe; With Hunter questioning Amity if Luz has actually, verbally called her an awesome “girlfriend”, and how that contributes to her insecurities and doubt.

           So naturally, Amity and the audience immediately think back and pay attention to every time the word ‘girlfriend’ has been dropped, so when Luz DOES bring it up, naturally, with no idea of how Amity felt? It just feels that much more of a huge moment, it’s a pivotal term that’s distinctly interwoven into Amity’s storyline this episode, so you can’t really take it out without confusing the flow of the episode as a whole. Because again, the specific language that Luz uses, the way loved ones communicate with one another- That IS a huge part of this episode!

           With how Amity is initially confused by the unique ways that Luz communicates, and defaults towards interpreting them in the worst way… How Belos ‘communicates’ with Hunter but not really, not truly responding to Hunter’s concerns, and using loaded words such as ‘replacement’ that clearly traumatize and unsettle the poor kid. Communication, and by extension the specific language and terms used for that, is a HUGE part of Eclipse Lake’s narrative and emotional storyline- So yes, the audience is also encouraged to treat specific words as a big deal, the same way characters do. 

           And like Amity, we feel so starved and in anticipation of that kind of love language, of the word ‘girlfriend’, that each mention has all the more weight for it. There’s Luz having her own brief conflict in trying to communicate with her friends, to warn them about the Fool’s Blood; And then there’s Hunter not quite understanding Rascal’s speech as a palisman… 

           But by the end of the episode, he’s able to understand Rascal’s speech, able to properly communicate with someone who DOES love him, and tells Hunter their name! Someone who DOES try to reach out to him by initiating conversation- With Rascal encouraging Hunter to talk with others by dragging him into Eda, King, and Amity’s path… Not to mention Amity’s own verbal words of reassurance and guidance, which Hunter actually does take to heart, by applying them towards his newfound appreciation for Rascal’s support at the end.

           THAT fits with Eclipse Lake’s themes of communication and love languages, with Hunter able to understand and transparently talk to someone who DOES love and care for him, whereas with Belos, Belos never quite responds to Hunter, it’s usually Hunter who has to listen to HIS ramblings and orders… And even then, his uncle obviously isn’t straightforward, speaking in veiled language, and possibly employing reverse psychology, mind games, and gaslighting to get into his nephew’s head and mess with him.

           TL;DR The word ‘girlfriend’ means a lot to the viewer both on a meta and queer representation level; But also from a narrative standpoint, from the in-universe perspective of Amity, being a HUGE factor of the episode’s themes of communication- And how it IS vital to openly communicate and reaffirm how you feel with words, too!

[belit0]

Anonymous:

Oops, sorry! for the kiss post, I forgot to add "with their s/o". Sorry it slipped my mind! 😣

I knew something was missing! 😂 totally fine. Let’s consider this as something that has nothing to do with what I answered before.

Indra

As I said in the previous answer, because he is Indra and well, we know how this man acts, his first kiss with his s/o is on his wedding night.

It is also his first kiss in general.

He really wants to end that night as quickly as possible, he is just following the rules of the rites he knows since he was a child.

But as his s/o gets undressed to give in to him, the Ōtsutsuki falls under the pressure of the moment.

After all, he is human.

Being the first time he feels desire for his s/o in a real way, this man cannot contain himself, and any limit or self-control goes overboard.

He is so abrupt in joining lips with his s/o for the first time that he clashes his teeth with the other person’s.

He places one hand on his partner’s throat while he dominates the kiss in an aggressive way, the other hand is placed on the back of the neck to prevent his lover from escaping his possessiveness.

Many bites and choking. His hunger woke up and he will not calm down until he gets what he needs.

Madara

The first kiss with his s/o is in the middle of a fight.

When Madara feels vulnerable to the feelings that person generates in him, he tries to walk away and cut the bond. This ends up in a big argument.

Of course, this man’s lover has the same intensity as him, the same fire and need to win every time. Therefore, his s/o will not accept that the Uchiha wants to disappear out of fear of his feelings.

In the face of shouts and hurtful words, their first kiss quiets them down and proves that they love each other too much for living without the other.

Madara’s violence and strength are controlled.

However, he fights with his s/o to see who dominates the kiss, trying to impose himself constantly.

Lots of tongue and saliva for sure.

His s/o pulls with resentment on his long black hair, reminding him why they ended up in that situation to begin with.

Scratches and hickeys, yes.

He doesn’t intend to hurt his s/o lips, but when he feels the metallic taste in his mouth, it doesn’t bother him.

Izuna

With Izuna everything is always a little spicy, but when it comes to kissing his s/o for the first time, he is in fact tender.

The situation happens when they go out on their fifth date.

Strange that he was so patient, isn’t it? This Uchiha can be fast when it comes to bringing people to his bed, but if he is meeting someone seriously, he knows how to be calm and not to rush things.

After ensuring that his s/o will not reject him when he starts kissing, he is the one who takes the determination.

In an adorable and playful way, he joins his lips with his lover when the latter is distracted, surprising with the action.

Soft caresses full of confidence.

He was really eager to taste his lover’s lips, so a smile escapes him as his s/o moves in sync with him.

A hand on his partner’s waist. His other arm is wrapped around the neck of the person, holding as close to him as possible.

Little pecks after the kiss, to reaffirm the connection made.

A great burst of laughter from Izuna when he sees his s/o blushing.

Obito

So shy! Clearly it is not Obi who is taking the lead.

This man has great insecurities about himself after his accident, so he could never face such a move.

His s/o really wants to make him understand that he is a beautiful person in their eyes.

That is why one goes to the house of the Uchiha, knocks on his door, and when it opens, fits over his mouth a big kiss.

The moment lasts a few seconds as Obito gets scared, and quickly retreats.

An intense red colour assaults his face, his ears and his neck.

He is speechless and his eyes are wide open. His s/o takes advantage, having anticipated that kind of reaction, and kisses him again.

This time, the man closes his eyes, and with trembling hands holds his partner’s waist.

He has no idea what he is doing, and you can tell by the inexperienced way he moves his lips.

Shisui

It is a slow and sincere moment for both him and his s/o.

After accidentally locking eyes with his partner while enjoying a walk along the river, both stop, absorbed in each other’s gaze.

The two approach each other slowly by holding hands and interlocking fingers.

The kiss is brief but intense, full of words and emotions.

While they embrace, Shisui caresses the back of his s/o hand with his thumb.

When he sees the expression of love that his partner has when they separate, Shisui is in the air, but he probably hides his weakness by making a joke.

Once he tastes his lover’s lips, he can’t stop. For the rest of the day, this man is glued to the lips of his s/o in a desperate way.

He can hide his feelings as much as he wants, but in the end they just show up.

Itachi

One of the busiest clan members, so his s/o probably belongs to the ANBU like him.

Although he wants to spend time with his partner, the lifestyle full of responsibilities he holds forces him to stay away.

In this manner, he only managed to have a couple of serious outings with his s/o, but the other person is not content with that.

So the other person corners him in his office at the barracks, when there is no one around to see them.

Even though this Uchiha is a gentleman, he cannot stop himself from the dangerous privacy his s/o found for them, and he gives in to the situation.

A passionate, needy kiss unfolds between them. The accumulation due to the lack of time is discharged in the union of their lips.

Itachi could have handled the moment even further, but decides to save those intentions for when they are not in each other’s workplace.

Thanks to the boldness of his s/o, the Uchiha’s office becomes a common place for the couple to meet.

[starring-movies]

Killing Eve: Episode Analysis

*SPOILERS*

Season 3, Episode 8 - Are You Leading or Am I? [Part 2]

We then see the switch from ‘Oksana’ to ‘Villanelle’, when Rhian comes to tell her that Hélène wants to see her. Villanelle watches longingly as Eve leaves, but when she turns around her expression suddenly changes and she puts her act back on. She tells Rhian that if she wanted to dance she would “just have to ask”, and then as a power play, she proceeds to dip her.

We continue to the next scene, where Villanelle’s in the Tube station and trying to provoke Rhian into fighting her - so that when she kills Rhian to protect herself and Eve, she has an excuse for killing her). Rhian tells Villanelle that “autonomy is overrated, sheep are happier than wolves”; which is exactly how Villanelle was when we first met her in Season 1, if someone had told Villanelle to “jump” she’d “just jump”. But we can see how far Villanelle has come since then, as now she recognises that she was a “sheep” and is trying to break out from that.

Villanelle then attacks Rhian, after annoying her enough to get a reaction out of her, and the scene is shot in the same way as the choking of the girl in the Amsterdam nightclub from S2E4. Just as in the scene in S2E4, Villanelle is fighting from pure emotion and vulnerability - more like Oksana than Villanelle - because she’s trying to protect herself and Eve. Both the Amsterdam club scene and this fight with Rhian are messy, hands on fights. This is unlike when she’s doing kills with the Villanelle persona fully up; where her kills are, like she says in S2E3, “nice and clean, just like you [Konstantin] taught me”.

As Villanelle is leaving the Tube station, a song last called ‘Get out of Town’ by Fireflies is used in S3E5 is played over the scene. The lyrics are:

“Nothing matters if you bury it deep,

Take away the worry,

What’s left, you keep,

Never say you’re sorry,

If what you mean is,

Do what you do,

And I won’t hate you somehow”

In the same way as the lyrics of the song suggest, Villanelle is visibly distraught at having to kill Rhian, but has to “bury it deep” in order to protect herself and Eve from Hélène and The Twelve.

A funny but subtle moment that’s what makes Killing Eve special - Carolyn’s unmatched pettiness of doing the unnecessary action of putting her glasses on to then read a blank page, after Geraldine has read her letter to her.

In the next scene, we continue as we see Eve go into the betting shop, ‘Bridgeway Bets’, to cash-in the betting slip which was given to to her by Villanelle, at the dance hall. Amusingly, Eve clearly needs to work on her fieldwork skills of bribery and persuasion. She uses the same technique, as she did with The Ghost in S2E4, of pretending to drop some money on the floor and offering it. However, now the monetary value of the note which she ‘drops’, has gone up from a £10 (The Ghost) to a £20 (now) - the increase of the value of the money Eve offers, shows how Villanelle is more important to Eve than The Ghost; and also how the stakes are much higher in this situation than they were with The Ghost.

It turns out that Konstantin’s betting slip gave access to a package, containing a set of Matryoshka dolls (aka Russian dolls), which has a barcode giving access to another safety box containing emergency supplies. Matryoshka dolls are traditionally used as a symbol of family and, more specifically, of mother and child. Although Villanelle didn’t know that Konstantin’s betting slip accessed a package with Matryoshka dolls in it, her decision to pass on to Eve the task of retrieving it, is a symbolic one for their relationship - representing how, through the exchange of the betting slip, Villanelle is not only passing on the importance of her freedom to Eve, but also the mantle of becoming her only family. At Paul’s house, Villanelle lets Konstantin leave with the dolls, and without her, because she’s realised that he’s “not family”; but she stays to be with Eve, because Eve is now her ‘Matryoshka doll’.

When Villanelle goes to the Bitter Pill office, she has changed outfits and is now wearing a mustard yellow coat. Mustard yellow has been used throughout Season 3, as a colour to represent family. It was the colour of the ‘bin baby’s’ dress in S3E3, and seeing the reaction that people had to the baby was the catalyst for Villanelle wanting to find her family and people whom she would feel that same belonging and love, that she had never been able to experience; in S3E5 the colour was used for Villanelle’s mother’s cardigan, to represent the person who she thought would (and should have) shown her this love that she was searching for; and now Villanelle is able to wear the colour herself, because after her conversation with Eve at the tea dance, she realises that she has found the love, acceptance and everything that she was looking for in Eve.

When everyone is gathered at Paul’s house for the big ‘whodunit’-esque reveal of who killed Kenny, Villanelle asks Eve “what is going on?” and Eve says “I have no idea”. This exchange is mirroring the one they had earlier, at the tea dance, when Eve asked Villanelle “are you leading or am I?” and Villanelle replies in the same words, telling her “I have no idea”.

The switch from Eve asking the question and Villanelle answering, to Villanelle asking the question and Eve answering; is used to again show us how they’ve reached a middle ground where they’re now in synch with each other. Both Villanelle and Eve having “no idea” also emphasises their mutual confusion; and therefore how - just like the tea dance scene - neither of them is ‘leading’ or ‘being led’, but they are both equal to one another and their relationship can work when they’re balanced.

The fact that in two separate instances Villanelle and Eve both “have no idea” about what is happening, also demonstrates how neither of them are certain about their future, or what their next step even is; but what they do know, having tried to be apart, is that the other has to be a part of their future.

When Carolyn demands for Konstantin to explain what happened when he went to visit Kenny on the day he died, Villanelle says “tell her” to him, and after Eve says “you killed Kenny”, Villanelle adds that “he doesn’t kill people, he makes other people do it for them”. In S3E4, after finding Villanelle’s family for her, Konstantin says “but I need you to do something for me, something personal, off the record”, which Villanelle is able to repeat, at the same time as he’s saying it.

Just as she repeats when Konstantin tells her “no, I can’t, I’m sorry” after she asks him to stay and watch a movie in S1E1, and when she repeats the advice that Konstantin gave her and Irina that “information is everything” in S1E8; Villanelle being able to repeat these things, illustrates how these are all things that Konstantin has repetitively said, or asked of her. And so we can see from Villanelle’s reaction, that she’s realised what a coward Konstantin is. Konstantin “doesn’t kill people” himself, but she remembers that he has asked her numerous times to do kills “off the record” for him, to fix his messes for him.

Villanelle saying “tell her” to Konstantin, also parallels with Konstantin telling Nadia to “tell them” in S1E6. The parallel demonstrates to us the switch in the power dynamic and Konstantin’s fall from grace. At the beginning of the series, Konstantin was a powerful figure, who could control the assassins who worked for The Twelve with a simple stare. Where Konstantin was once the one commanding others to do as he asked; now Villanelle is the one with the power over him, commanding him to tell Carolyn what happened.

Konstantin’s actions are made even more detestable to Villanelle, when he tries to claim that he “wouldn’t do that to someone I once” and then Carolyn completes his sentence by saying “don’t say loved”. We can see from Villanelle’s shocked reaction that she wasn’t aware that Carolyn and Konstantin once loved each other, and so this makes his actions even worse. Through the whole of Season 3, Villanelle has gone through a journey of finding her family or someone who will provide the unconditional love that a family is supposed to, Konstantin killing the son of a woman he once loved will hit a very personal nerve for her - and in the moment, the situation that’s unfolding between Konstantin and Carolyn is probably prompting Villanelle to imagine herself and Eve in the same scenario, where one unforgivably betrays the other’s love, which they both once shared and held so dear.

Konstantin trying to claim that he “once loved” Carolyn is also the same thing that he did with Villanelle in S1E7. In an attempt to get out of being killed by Villanelle, Konstantin stroked her ego and told her “I love you more than my family” (throughout the series, Villanelle has been trying to get Konstantin to choose her over his family); and in the same way as in S1E7, Konstantin is again trying to manipulate the love that other people have for him to get out of a sticky situation.

It’s when Villanelle says that Konstantin “makes other people do it for him”, that Villanelle starts to realise that he is “not family” to her, as we can see from her reaction that she doesn’t approve of him killing Kenny. However, this is even further reaffirmed to Villanelle when Carolyn is pointing the gun to Konstantin’s head. Konstantin yells at her “Villanelle, do something”, confirming to Villanelle that he only values her as his personal ‘attack dog’ - able to be called upon to do his dirty work for him and to protect him whenever he pleases.

After Carolyn spares Konstantin, and shoots Paul instead, Eve angrily says “why kill him, he had everything we wanted to know about The Twelve... he was a source”. In S1E4, Carolyn tells Eve “we’re not out for blood, Eve, we’re after information”. The reversal between Eve and Carolyn’s main concern, emphasises how their characters have developed since Season 1 and how their priorities have changed - Carolyn was once most focused on gathering intelligence about The Twelve and scolded Eve for getting off track with her continual obsession with Villanelle, but now only cares about getting revenge for Kenny’s death; and Eve was once blinkered in her pursuit of Villanelle, but now seems to be more focused on finding out more about The Twelve.

In the next scene Eve proceeds to run off from Paul’s house, after Carolyn tells her that she should go “cold turkey” and quit her ‘addiction’ with The Twelve, and then we get the bridge scene on Tower Bridge. It’s notable that Villanelle and Eve have their honest conversation on a bridge, as bridges are symbolic of communication, union and the ending of one cycle to the beginning of another. The conversation that they have on the bridge, which is a continuation of the conversation they were having at the tea dance, is a liminal moment for their relationship - it’s not only the full acceptance of one another and of themselves, but more importantly, their mutual decision that they want the other to be in their life going forward.

After discovering that they each had a hand in killing Dasha, Villanelle says “isn’t that romantic?”, and Eve replies “you know the only people who would think that are?” Villanelle asks “who?” and Eve answers saying “us”. Eve saying this, is not only an outward acceptance of the romantic aspect of their relationship, but more importantly her recognition of the darkness and the abnormality within their relationship - which is everything that she’s been trying to reject and ignore up until now - yet by referring to them as one, with the collective pronoun of “us” (rather than saying something like “the only person who would think that is you”), it’s evident that she also agrees with Villanelle that it’s “romantic”.

Villanelle tells Eve “I don’t want to do it anymore, any of it”; which was repeated in S1E5 when Villanelle similarly tells Eve “I don’t want to do this anymore”, and in S3E6 when she says the same thing to Dasha, that “I don’t want to do this anymore”.

Looking at the passers by on the bridge, Eve continues to tell Villanelle that “I used to be like them” but Villanelle tells her “you were never like them, you only thought you were”. Throughout the whole series we have already seen that Villanelle, as well as others, could see that Eve was different and had this darkness; but this is the first time that Villanelle has told Eve this properly, and that Eve hasn’t tried to contest what she says.

Villanelle goes on to ask Eve “did I ruin your life? Do you think I’m a monster”. In the same way that Eve said “I know” when Villanelle said she’s “killed so many people”; Eve doesn’t reject or judge her, but instead says that everyone has a monster, not just Villanelle, and Eve even accepts the existence of her own monster by saying “I think I wanted it [Villanelle’s monster] to [encourage her own monster]”. This acceptance from Eve is what Villanelle has been searching for this whole time; Eve doesn’t reject her or judge her for being a monster, like everyone else in her life has, but she accepts her for who she is and accepts her own monster - which is what Villanelle’s mother couldn’t do.

Then Villanelle tells Eve that she has a way to “make it stop”, “if that’s really what you want”. She tells Eve to “stand up straight and look at me”, and then she takes a moment to look at Eve, before telling her to turn around and face the other way. Villanelle probably knows - especially from the tea dance earlier where she told Eve to “go” and she turned round to look at Villanelle in her reluctance to leaver her - that Eve will turn around, but she’ll still be aware that there’s a chance that Eve won’t turn round, but will continue walking; so her taking a moment to look at Eve, is her taking the moment to look at Eve so that she’ll be able to remember her, in-case this is the last time she will be able to do so.

The song “Tell Me” by Johnny Jewel feat. Saoirse Ronan, begins to play when Villanelle is getting Eve to make her choice between her or returning to a normal life. The lyrics that can be heard are:

“Tell me I'm your baby,

Be mine for always,

I'll be yours forever,

Tell me I’m you baby,

And you’ll never leave me,

Tell me,

That you’ll kiss me,

Forever”

The song is mirroring what Villanelle is thinking in this moment. She’s giving Eve the option to choose her own future, but she already knows that Eve is her family and that she wants Eve to be a part of her own future - so she wants Eve to decide for herself to turn around and therefore “tell” her that she’ll “never leave” her and “be [her’s] forever”.

Villanelle then tells Eve to walk away and never look back, to leave her behind and be able to pursue a normal life again. Unlike what happened in Rome, through giving Eve the opportunity to make a decision that is 100% her own choice, Villanelle wants to display to her that she truly loves her: by showing Eve that if it’s the future that she really wants, she’ll put her own wants aside and let her go.

We also see that this scene is mirroring the tea dance scene, where Villanelle was the one who was stood and watching Eve turn back to look at her; but in this scene, Eve is the one who is stood waiting for Villanelle to turn back and look at her. This switch stresses the balance between Villanelle and Eve, as well as how neither of them knew for certain if the other would turn round for them; but even so, they both made the blind decision to choose each other.

Just before Villanelle turns around, Eve has already turned around and is waiting in anticipation of Villanelle’s choice, but Villanelle is taking a moment to prepare herself for potentially seeing Eve walk away from her forever when she does turn. Villanelle was the one who proposed this exercise, only as a way for Eve to be able to decide what she really wants for herself, but Villanelle already knew what she wanted and so knew that she would turn - so we see Villanelle take that moment to prepare herself to lose yet another person in her life, because although she thinks Eve will choose her, she can’t be completely certain.

The imagery in the final shot of Villanelle and Eve looking at each other on the bridge, as well as the promotional pictures (of Villanelle, Carolyn and Eve) which were released for Season 3, also invokes imagery from the Lovers tarot card. The symbolism of the card, is “in its purest form, the Lovers card represents conscious connections and meaningful relationships. While the Lovers card typically refers to a romantic tie, it can also represent a close friendship or family relationship where love, respect and compassion flow”. This makes the chosen imagery very fitting for Villanelle and Eve’s relationship, and what it’s developed into, in this scene. Both of them have come to recognise and accept that they have a deep “connection” with one another which, although they’ve attempted to break free of, clearly cannot be ignored.

You can read my previous Killing Eve posts here:-

First Introduction to Villanelle

First Introduction to Eve

S1, E1 - Nice Face

S1, E2 - I’ll Deal With Him Later

S1, E3 - Don’t I Know You?

S1, E4 - Sorry Baby

S1, E5 - I Have a Thing about Bathrooms

S1, E6 - Take Me to the Hole!

S1, E7 - I Don’t Want to Be Free

S1, E8 - God, I’m Tired

S2, E1 - Do You Know How to Dispose of a Body?

S2, E2 - Nice and Neat

S2, E3 - The Hungry Caterpillar

S2, E4 - Desperate Times

S2, E5 - Smell Ya Later

S2, E6 - I Hope You Like Missionary!

S2, E7 - Wide Awake

S2, E8 - You’re Mine

S3, E1 - Slowly Slowly Catchy Monkey

S3, E2 - Management Sucks

S3, E3 - Meetings Have Biscuits

S3, E4 - Still Got It

S3, E5 - Are You From Pinner? [Part 1]

S3, E5 - Are You From Pinner? [Part 2]

S3, E6 - End of Game

S3, E7 - Beautiful Monster

S3, E8 - Are You Leading or Am I? [Part 1]

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[huearmy]

The Smell of Truth - III

Summary: After years being forced to fight in clandestine hybrid ring, Jungkook is now living in shelter, but life remains bad, the place is abusive, and nobody seems to want adopt him. Until one night a pro-hybrid activist group invades the shelter, and a woman in black smelling like truth promises that things will get better, and he decides to follow her wherever she goes.

Pairing: pitbull!Jungkook x human!Reader

Genre: fluff, angst, future smut maybe.

Words: 5303

Rating: NC-17

Sorry that it took forever, my head is messed up.

Chapter I  Chapter II  -  Chapter IV Chapter V  Chapter VI Chapter VII

For the first time in years Jungkook woke up on his own, when his body asked for it, without anyone waking him up with a bucket of cold water, or to meet some schedule. He felt numb and heavy, relaxed, rested. He stretched, sitting against the headboard in the dark room. He couldn't tell the time, since there was no clock, making him feel a little disoriented in space time. After so many years without freedom to come and go the boy was not sure what to do now. About ten minutes went by without anyone showing up to tell him to get up - and he didn't want at all, the bed hugging him - hunger settled in his stomach, as well as the urge to go to the bathroom. But could he really leave? He got up and tested the door. It wasn't locked. So he could leave the room, in theory. Without making a sound he closed the door again and went back to bed, thinking about what to do to make the best impression on the first day in his new home. He decided to make the bed and tidy up the room. When he opened the curtains, bringing light to the room, a pile of clothes on the armchair caught his attention - a pair of sweatpants shorts and a oversized t-shirt, a new toothbrush, a pink post it on top. These clothes are mine, but it’s for you to wear while we don’t buy some for you. I think it'll fit. By the smell it was obvious the clothes were yours, he didn't even need to read the note to know. It fit, but not the way Jungkook likes to dress up - he likes big clothes on him, to feel comfy, and your big clothes, wich are big for you, who are smaller than him, are just right to him.  Right now he was in clean clothes, smelling of fabric softener and you.  He put on his shoes and his cap too. Outside the window the now busy street was full of cars and people, making him excited to go out. But yet again, can he? Determined to be a good boy and not disobey, for you to love him, Jungkook sat on the edge of the bed and waited. More minutes passed before he heard light knocks on the bedroom door. He crossed the room in one step and opened the door as fast as he could, his tail wagging from side to side, but it wasn't you in the hall, his smile fell. It was the cat. "What are you doing?" Yeri asked, taking him by surprise. "I... I'm..." He stammered. She crossed her arms "You've been up for almost half an hour, why haven't you left the room yet? Are you alright?" "Yeah" He spoke so low that if Yeri didn't have feline hearing she wouldn't have understood a word. "I was waiting for Y/n." "Oh" Her confused expression softened. "She went to work." "She is not home?" Yeri couldn't understand the slight panic in Jungkook's voice at asking it, or why he didn't left the room by his own choice. She don't know the feeling of rejection like he does, or the pain of being treated like a animal. She knows she is privileged though, she don't need to understand to be empathic... And you asked her to be nice to Jungkook so... "No, and she asked me to keep an eye on you until she back." She smiled softly "Go wash yourself, Y/n let breakfast done for you." Jungkook loved the restroom, for no especial reason, he just he just never saw a bathroom so ... happy - all colorful and with little plants in cute pots, and smelling and clean like he never imagined a bathroom could be. Out of curiosity he decided to try the shower, turned the register slowly, and when the water started to fall he put his hand under it and ... oh, it was so warm. "Yeri!" Jungkook ran into kicthen , where the cat was waiting by the table, scearing her off. The white hairs on her tail were all standing on end when she answered in a hiss. "What?!" "Where do I find towels and shampoo?" He excitedly asked. Not quite understanding Yeri pointed to the hall. "In the closet under the stairs in the hall... But..." Before she could end the sentence he was gone, and the sound of the door of the bathroon closing againg. Jungkook love to shower, stay clean, water. This was often the only medicine he received after being beaten until he was unable to get up. After a while, the cold, limited water shower became the safe spot for him, where the world couldn't hurt him anymore, and he could just breathe. In the shelter the water was not so cold anymore, but there was still a time limit for each shower, it was still Jungkook's favorite time of the day, because he didn't need to think about anything other than himself. Now the water was hot and pressurized, massaging his sore muscles, more than the room you give to him, this felt like home. Of course Jungkook felt a litlle bit upset that you weren't home when he woke up, after all he wanted to see you, he never liked an owner so much that he missed them from one day to the next. But he wasn't going to complain, it's not like he's used to getting attention, in fact being alone was more common than anything. He understands that you can have more important things to do than show him the apartment or prepare and have breakfast with him... You are already too good to be real. He was rinsing his hair and ears, massaging his own scalp, when voices came from outside, caughting his attention. It was two voices, female. You were home. _________________________________________________________________________________________ You entered the apartment with arms full of shopping bags and document folders. You quickly dropped everything on the table or on the floor near the door, took off your coat to hang on the rack and kicked off your shoes. Your eyes searched the living room and kitchen, looking for Jungkook, without a sign of him. You tried to complete all your tasks at the office as quickly as possible and rescheduled some visits for other days of the week to be able to get home early to see him, you were anxious to know if he slept well, or if your male clothes fit him . The breakfast you prepared for him before leaving still wrapped on the counter. You frowned. "Where is Jungkook?" You asked to Yeri, who was lying on the couch by teh window, jumping through the channels. "Taking a shower. He just woke up." She said without looking away from the tv. You hummed. "Ok. Can you put on the news for me please. I didn't have time to check it today." Yeri complained despite obeying anyway, but you paid no attention to it, busy putting the mess you brought with you in its proper place. The TV journalist was talking about the economy updates, which was not the topic you wanted to see. The explosion of the shelter last night ended up on twitter trending topics, but you wanted to know what the official media outlets have to say about. On the internet your organization is seen as justice, everything you do is seen as a heroic act by many, and that brings strength to the movement. Those in favor of the slavery of the hybrids also speak out against you, but their ignorance only strengthens the abulutionist discourse too - in a slow process of difficulty, but there are so many people working for equality that you refuse to be shaken by these rotten people full of hate. This polarization of ideas, of course, also divides politics, and it is this part that interests you the most, because it is from the government that the rights of the hybrids will be guaranteed. Mess with the economy and popular opinion that it is possible to change the government, which is why you and your camarades love that much to explode some state buildings. "Why are you home? I was expecting you only in an hour." Yeri looked at you from the other side of the room with lazy eyes. "Ah, I have to go out to do some more sttuf, but I needed to come pick something... And maybe eat. I skipped lunch."   You decided to warm up the pancakes you made for Jungkook in the morning, and add toast and eggs to your meal. You heard the bathroom door and fast steps and was about to ask Jungkook if likes coffee, the moment you turned around he was already behind you, with a big smile and open arms to hug you. "Y/N!" You were enveloped by jungkook's long arms and squeezed against your chest, losing your balance the way he hit you with his whole body. By instinct and with no regrets, you hugged him back. His tail, which was already swinging from side to side, started to swing even faster. His dump hair was wetting you, and his litlle happy sounds were malink you soft. "Hi, Jungkook...." You give light taps on his back and opened up space between you two. " Let me see you... I knew the clothes would fit quite well. But if you don't like them, fine, they are only temporary, so you don't have to walk around in that shelter's hideous pajama." "I like the smell of it." He said smelling the shirt collar fabric. "Good. Because I'm a little paranoid about laundry." You really are. Actually you are kind of crazy tidy. "Are you hungry?" You softly said, still looking to how the clothes were wrapping his body. You didn't notices but you were making him blush with your stare. "Yes." He said in tiny. "Me too, lets eat breakfest together.". You reaffirmed your theory that Jungkook wouldn't be too picky about food, and that basically anything you put in front of him he eats happily. He just doesn't like coffee. And sweets are really his favorite. He ate the pancakes and egg with toast, plus a very large bowl of cereal, some fruit and a glass of juice. It wasn't just because everything was good, but he was happy you were eating with him, and that made him even more hungry. "Lucky me I have money." You still have a lot of questions in your head to do to Jungkook. You were curious about him in so many levels. Since from his habits and tastes to his past ... One doubt you have is: How is he so docile? His file said that he spent almost a decade in illegal dogfights. Most hybrids take less than five years to lost their and go feral, and then when they can no longer be controlled the owners put them down. But Jungkook doesn't. Furthermore, despite being a pitbull, he does not have his canine ears clipped, which is not common in the middle of where he came from. You wanted so much to ask... but you decided oposite it, thinking that it wasn't the moment. "Want more juice?" Jungkook offered, he was pouring himself more and saw your empty glass. "Of couse, thankyou, sweetie." You didn't notice the blush on his cheeks again, intending to pay more attention to the TV in the living room. Jungkook was not used to hearing praise like that, the most he heard from his former owner was 'champion' or 'good boy' when he won a fight and there was nothing satisfying about it. Your 'sweetie', on the other hand, accompanied by a smile from you, just because of a glass of juice seemed like the world to him. "Updates on the terrorist attack on a shelter in downtown Seoul last night: It was confirmed that despite the magnitude of the explosion and the damage to the building's structure, there were no victims, either by the hybrids or by the local staff. According to the authorities, the 100 hybrids that lived in the shelter were kidnapped by an anti-government organization as a form of protest, on social media entities defend that they were released by the Set Us Free movement." You got up and crossed your arms to watch the jornalist talking as aerial recordings of the burning building and post prints talking about took over the screen. "Early in the morning, a series of complaints linked to the shelter came to the knowledge of the police, involving corruption and money laundering, as well as mistreatment of resident hybrids. Among the evidence presented a list with names involved in the scheme ..." As the jornlist listed names of businessman and politicians. Many of these names you already knew, once your group that investigated and made the report, others were a surprise to you. In that moment you were so interested in the news that you sat on the end of the chouch supporting your elbows on your knees,  watching the TV without blinking. Jungkook recognized the images from the shelter last night, but he didn't find it so interesting, because seeing the explosion live was much nicer, and none of the information said anything to him. But seeing you so serious was interesting, he took the bowl of cereal and sat at your feet, looking more at you and your reactions than at the TV itself. "Senator Y/L/N spoke earlier in a news conference.." The image of the journalist was replaced by one of a man in a suit speaking in front of several different microphones. "Violent acts can't and won't be encouraged, but we need to pay attention to where it comes from. The social injustice and slavery of hybrids needs to be tackled in some way, and since the government is slow to guarantee the rights they deserve as similar to humans, manifestations of marginalized groups are to be expected. It is not giving them what they want, as the conservators say, it is guaranteeing them what should already be theirs by right. Situations like last night are nothing more than a symptom of the disease that we think we are entitled to own a hybrid." Jungkook thought it was cute the way you were biting the inside of your cheek or how it looked like you were narrowing your eyes with each word said. "Ya... Dad is so different when speeching..." Yeri mumbled.  It took Jungkook's attention away from you. "Dad?" He asked with his mouth full of cereal, looking from Yeri to you and to the man in the TV. "Yes." You awnsered, lying in the couch. "This is my uncle... He is cool isn't he?" Jungkook frowned, not thinking the guy is so cool... but since you say so... "Does he protect hybrids like you do?" You smiled to him, slightly petting his head. "On his way." At the same time that the news changed to weather forecast, your phone started to beep with messages. You praticaly jumped from the couch to your feet. "I need to go." You said. From the floor, Jungkook looked at you with doe eyes and a pout. "You are leaving again?" "I have something to do... But you can come with me. If you want." "I do." Jungkook jumped on his spot, finishing his cereal as fast as he could. "Then go put on that hoodie I gave you. Is kind of cold out side." You didn't need to say twice. Jungkook ran to his room to obligue, he came back finishing putting on his sweatshirt and putting on his shoes midair. He was so excited, and the look on your face when he took your hand was so affectionate towards him, just like the good dreams sometimes he have. He was intending on livig his best life with you while it lasted, as long as you wanted him, after so many bad, terrible things that he was forced to go through during his short life, Jungkook got used to not waiting for things to really improve, but he also learned to enjoy each of the good moments, whether they were truth or just dreams. Maybe he will wake up at some point and realize that he is still in the shelter ... or in the cold room, using a muzzle ... Until then he will not stop receiving all the affection that you are willing to give. Among the good things he was not expecting to happen, going out for a walk is one of Jungkook's favorite. "I'm ready." He told you with a cheekie smile, even if you could clearly see it for yourself. You just smiled back containing the urge to grab him by the cheeks. So cute. "Do you want a ride home,Yeri?" You picked the keys. "No thanks. Irene will pick me up in half of an hour." She didn't even looked at you to awnser, to busy scrowling throgh her phone. "Ok. Don't forget to lock the door when you leave," Said that you two left the apartment, and Jungkook got your attention all for himself again. ________________________________________________________________________________ It wasn't your plan to spoil Jungkook so much. Of course, you already intended to go shopping with him, and maybe, who knows, give the world to him if he wanted to, but the idea was that things would happen more slowly.  Instead, early in the morning on your way to work, you saw a beautiful jacket in a shop window and thought it would look beautiful on him, without hesitation you went into the store and bought it, and as a bonus some other pieces of clothing for essential use. Now you were supposed to go to the grocerie store, get an order of yours, and that's it. Kess than one hour and you both would be back home. Now its been almost two hours and your SUV is stuffed with shopping bags of clothes and other random things that made Jungkook's eyes sparkles as you strolled in front of shop windows - you let him buy a skate and an air freshener, for exemple. The tour was a big new world for him, clearly he was having fun just running around the store shelves and you had to pull him back into focus more than once. Like when he decided to try on all the hats in a store, first one hat at a time then all at the same time, it was cute, and you took the ones he seemed to like the most and added to his shopping pile without him paying attention. "Jungkook, do you want to choose some underwear? I have no idea what you like or what size you wear..." He was no where to be seen but you knew he was listening to you, especially after a few seconds, when the sound of the new boots you bought him two stores earlier approached fast, and then the hybrid's happy face appeared among the jeans racks beside you. "Oh, this is important, the only underwear I have is drying on my bedroom window." He said starting to look through the pile of new underwear, ignoring all the colored ones, and separating only the black and white ones. "Wait, what?" You blinked at him. "I washed in the shower and didn't know where to leave it, so I hung it in the window." He simply said. You were kind of shocked. "Jungkook... Aren't you wearing underwear? Like right now...?" He just made no with his head, too entertained in choosing several identical boxer briefs.. You looked around to see if anyone around heard it, taken with modesty but finding the situation a little funny. "Did you have more at the shelter? Why didn't you bring it when I said to get your things?" "I had it, but I didn't think about it at the time." You just laughed at him and hurried him so you would soon pay for everything and move on, with the promise of returning to buy more things later. You still needed to go to the grocerie store... Where together you filled a shopping cart with your list - last night he said he wanted to have a barbecue, so you were going to prepare one for him, lots of meat, charcoal and side dishes - and things that Jungkook thought might taste good by the look of it. "Jungkook, you will find some hygiene products for hybrid in this corridor. Take a look and choose, I'll be right back ... ". "Wait." He looked arond. The grocerie store was way bigger than the clothes shops you went before, with a lot more people, he was not comfortable being alone here. How would he know where to find you if you go too far? You read that in his expression and give his hand a squeeze. "I'll just pick a package. Three corridors from here to the right." You poited. "But don't worry I'll be right back. Can you look the cart for me?" "Of couse I can." He said, more confident now. "Thankyou, sugar." You gave him another of those smiles and then left him alone to choose deodorants and soaps for hybrids. But you didn't lie, as fast as you're gone you're back, now with a wrapped paper package in your hands. Out of curiosity Jungkook sniffed the package over your shoulder while you put it in the cart, but for some reason he was unable to identify what could be inside. "Please don't put anything on top of that, it's fragile." You said. "Ready to go?" "Yeah." Jungkook droped one of one soap bar into the cart, not seeing which of the two fragrances he had been choosing before. "What is it?" You gave him a mischievous smile, hooking an arm around his and then guiding him through the corridors to the cashiers. You knew he would be curious, and you specifically asked them to wrap the package in a special paper that will outwit his dog nose. "Its a surprise." Jungkook was convinced. He never had good experiences with the idea of 'surprise', but coming from you he did not imagine anything bad. If you were saying that he was supposed to wait to find out what was in the package, then he was just going to wait. ____________________________________________________________________ When you got home, you parked once again at the back of the building, the light from the florist indicating that although it was time to close, the employees still haven't left. The same thing in the office on the second floor. You thought it would take a lot of coming and going to take all the bags up to the apartment, but while you picked up some and thought it was too much for you, Jungkook picked up almost all the others, hanging them in his arms, and when he left the first batch on living room ran to get the rest alone. It had been a while since he had space to run a litlle, without even being able to remember the last time. He only slowed down when he heard voices on the second floor, adjusted the bags in his hands and tried to go unnoticed. "I want to finish this before call it a day." A soft voice spoke. "But I want to go home. I'm hungry..." Another male voice answered. "More fifteen minutes, Tae." The office door opened just when Jungkook was passing, and he felt like he was caught doing something he shouldn't have, even if he wasn't, two guys looking right at him. The one at the table in front of a computer and stacks of paper smiled and waved at him. The other, holding the door handle, didn't even blink at him, looking serious. Jungkook just bowed his head and continued on his way, stopping only after reaching you in the kitchen. You felt his arms embracing you from behind and his forehead on you sholder. The guy at the table was a hybrid, he couldn't tell what kind, but the smell was like a cat, and probably, since as far as he knows they both work for you, the two shouldn't be bad. Still, Jungkook couldn't make his heart slow down. Men scare him. You turned to look at him. He didn't let you go tho. "What's up?" You asked noticing his distress. Jungkook bited down his bottom lip. "Got tired." You smiled and pet his head for the second time today making him sigh and close his eyes. Without knowing it you made him calm down. "Go put your things on your room, the new clothes in the closet... When you're done, go up to the terrace." "And then we will eat a lot of meat?" "Yep" _______________________________________________ You were just finishing making the vegetable skewers, and putting the meat on the grill when Jungkook went up the stairs to the floor where his room is and the terrace, where he hadn't gone yet. Like the bathroom, the terrace were filled with plants, but here the vases and plants are much bigger. The starry sky was beautiful, and the movement of cars and people on the street is comforting and full of possibilities. Jungkook stopped by the glass door and just looked at you, who didn't noticed him yet. You were now in comfortable clothes and messy hair, drumming his fingers on the table to the beat of a song that was playing only in his head. Once again the thought that you seem inoffensive crossed Jungkook's mind. But that's a lie. You are powerfull in a way he isn't. During the tour of the city he saw your surname in names of shops and street signs more than once, your uncle is an important guy who appears on TV, and your friends do illegal things using guns and bombs... And you are human - and that's enough for you to be scary for any hybrid. You are not harmless, and one thing that would certainly hurt Jungkook hard would be if after today, when he felt at home after years of not knowing what that feeling is like, you decide that you don't want him anymore. That would be worse than every time he thought he was going to die in a fight. Rejection. Like in the shelter, Jungkook was trying to figure it out a way to be loved. To be so loved that someone would want to live with him forever and never leave him. But he doesn't know how to do it. "Do you want some help?" He approached you. "No. Now just don't let the meat burn." You proudly put your hands on your hips. "But I wantou to sit here... and close your eyes." You made him sit by the wooden picnic table and ran inside. He closed his eyes as you said so. You came back with calmer steps and put something in front of him, an instant after the smell of phosphor and sugar entered Jungkook's nose and you said... "You can open it now." In front of Jungkook was a cake with the words "Welcome home JK" written on it and some candles on top. His eyes got wet instantly. "This is an welcome party." You said softly, holding his hand. "And every party need a cake. Surprise, Jungkook." Jungkook wiped away the tears that began to flow with the sleeve of the hoodie - the hoodie that was yours and still smells like you. Seeing that he was crying, you tentatively rubbed a hand on his back and waited for the sobs to pass before you spoke. "Jungkook, we need to have this conversation sooner or later... But I don't want to be your owner." You said and he got freeze. He looked in shock to you and more tears ran down his face. He was so confused. The cake made him so happy and then you said exactly what he was afraid of hearing. A knowing look reached your eyes and you wiped the boy's face yourself. "Don't cry. Let me explain, ok?" He nodded, without realizing that he was holding your hand with all his strength. You couldn't care less. "I never intended on adopting or buying a hybrid. You are the only exception." You smiled sweetly. "When you said you wanted to come with me I couldn't say no. You were so sweet, trusting on me... You are very special to me, even if we've only known each other since yesterday." You took his face in your free hand. "But I'm unable to own a person. It may be strange for you to understand what I am saying now, but my intention in having you with me is for you to be free. If you want to live with me forever, in the simplest way in the world, I will take care of you. If you want to live your life in any other way, even if it is somewhere else, I will also take care of you, and support you. Because the choice is yours. Of course, you don't have to choose anything now. Today or years from now ... It will remain your choice." Jungkook relaxed but remained confused, not knowing how to respond. "What do you want?" He finally said. Your eyes saddened, the thought that your wanting to be more important to him than his own bothering you. "I want to be your friend." His answer seemed to be what Jungkook wanted to hear, because he opened a huge and beautiful smile. "That's enough for me. Can I eat the cake?" "Of couse!" You served him a piece and one for you, chattering like you never cared much for dessert after a meal, and that if he wanted to eat the meat and the cake together you wouldn't judge. His daydreams are cute, he concluded, determined to love you so that you love him. "Y/N... There are a lot of things about me that I don't like, and I know you won't like it either... And I don't like to talk about it, or to think about it at all... But since we are friends I feel like I should... " "That you should tell me?" He nodded. "You dont need to. Jungkook, I already know a lot of bad things about you." You made him freeze again. "Nothing personal, but enough that if it bothered me or changed the way I see you, I wouldn't even have brought you home. But I don't care, and if you don’t feel like sharing it with me now, or ever, okay, you don’t owe it to me just because we’re friends." He smiled to his cake. "Seriously, I have a lot of secrets my friends don't know. You can have yours too." "Thankyou, Y/N. I like you a lot, and I think I want to be with you forever." That was your time to smile to your cake. "So you are stuck with me forever then." Having a friend has always been more important to Jungkook than having a good owner. But for him the only friend he had stayed in the past, he was already sure that it would never happen again and that he was alone for the rest of his life. But now he had you, and that is enough. Regardless of the situation, friends are forever. If you are friends, he doesn't have to be afraid of you kicking him out, even with all the bad things he has done or all the fears he has.

And that good feeling tastes like cake. _____________________________________________________________

Tag list: @stayunderthelights  @deolly  @panconte @serendipityoreuphoria @madygswich

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If you want me to tag you, pls tell me.

AND PLEASE GIVE LOVE TO THIS WORK OF MINE: Clumsy

[aethylas]

For anonymous: a series of answers/clarifications/amendments on The Goldenrod Revisions! (I've answered these all in one post just to make it easier). Thank you so much for the asks, this helped me a) clarify my thoughts b) solve some canon continuity issues so I really appreciate them!

THANK U for agreeing to answer my questions! I'll have to ask them separately so they're not in 1 super-long impossible-to-read ask. I have 3 about 15x19, 1 about 15x20, 2 about 15x21, 2 about 15x22, and 2 about 15x23. quick disclaimer: i don't mean any offense at all by my question count! I didn't even notice these oddities the first time I read this; once I read it and accepted it as the true canon, I took a closer look and then noticed. but plz don't think these made your fic any less great!!

No worries anon! It is literally my pleasure to answer them and I am VERY very happy to find discrepancies with canon in the fic - then I can hopefully fix them and make the fic better :) Also I really appreciate the very systematic way you laid all these out, it really helped me reply, and also subsequently make a couple of edits to the fic!

For 15x19:

1. Why did Chuck trust Michael with the task of killing Jack? As God he should know Michael betrayed him in 15.08; did he expect Michael to disobey him again?

I think in this case we're/Chuck is relying on knowledge from the canon 15.19, i.e. Chuck would assume the outcome predicted by the show - that Michael WOULD betray the Winchesters/the world in order to please his father. So God assumed Michael would act the way he did in Inherit The Earth. But additionally, Chuck isn't actually very keyed-in to his own characters' motivations (esp. when love is involved) or very attached to certain results - he basically sends Michael and Lucifer to kill Jack because he figures it will entertain him no matter what happens - whether Michael and Lucifer kill each other, whether they kill the Winchesters/Jack, etc. - either Jack dies this way or Chuck will think of another way to do it.

2. How was Sam able to kill Lucifer? It was said only an archangel could kill another archangel with the archangel blade; was this a total lie or could Sam do it since he's Lucifer's true vessel? (plz don't change it to have Michael kill him; Sam being the one to do it was perfect, I just wanna understand how he could do it).

So glad you raised this because I honestly totally forgot! But now that you have, I have corrected that lore continuity with a line about biblical metaphors.

3. How is Rowena alive? She said she was dead in 15.08, so I initially assumed as a witch and the Queen of Hell she found a way to travel between Hell and Earth despite being dead. But then Sam says "Michael could've killed you" and then Chuck kills her twice in 15.21, both of which indicate she's alive here - does this mean Michael resurrected her when she summoned him?

God okay this is like - please call me out if this is incorrect or still confusing - but it's kind of like, based on the very inconsistent and confusing lore of the SPN afterlife that I assume Rowena is 'dead' but also 'alive' in the sense that Crowley was 'alive' and is now 'dead'. Does that make sense? She's not 'alive' as a human but rather as a demon (or something like it). So as Queen of Hell and a presumably demonic-adjacent entity, when she's 'killed' she gets sent to the Empty now vs. being 'killed' as a human and going to Heaven/Hell. (Based on when we see her in Hell, I assume she possesses her own body? Unclear. Just go with it. They've never been great with what it means to show vessels in Heaven/Hell etc.)

4. I thought asked all I wanted to know about Goldenrod but I just thought of 1 more thing: I don’t get why some dialogue implies Michael was dead? He mentions how he “found himself back on Earth” and tells the Empty it couldn’t stop Chuck from resurrecting him & Lucifer, but prior to 15.19 we last saw Michael leaving the bunker with Adam alive and well in 15.08, and it seemed like he was gonna stay on Earth for Adam’s sake. So what happened to him?

Oh that's a great point! I think that is actually just a confusing choice on my part that Chuck killed absolutely everyone including Michael/Adam in 15.18 Despair and THEN chose to resurrect Michael (but not Adam) alongside Lucifer when he was bored/wanting to kill Jack. I made some slight adjustments in-text to hopefully make it less confusing because I know that's different to the lore of canon 15.19 Inherit the Earth.

For 15x20:

1. How did the angels and demons in the Empty wake up? Did Michael use the last of his grace to wake everyone up? Were they already awake thanks to Jack blowing up in 15x18 or did they somehow sleep through that? (Not expanding on the Empty's claim that "you made it loud" is one of countless things I'll never forgive the actual show for, so THANK YOU for taking the show back to the Empty in the first place; I was just curious about this one element.)

So the Empty was already 'loud' according to canon, but since canon is vague on what exactly that means (thank you writers!...) I got the impression it meant the Empty wasn't 'peaceful' anymore but still powerful enough to suppress the beings inside, like the beings in there were awake and suffering but unable to rebel. Sort of what we see with Cas in this version of 15.20. Maybe like, additional suffering in sleep paralysis? Regardless, Michael does expend his grace to weaken the Empty enough that other beings wake up and/or are able to fight back and exist outside their own personal nightmare chamber. So whatever your impression of 'loud' is with regards to the other beings in there, assume Michael was able to free them from the Empty's control.

For 15x21:

1. Having Jack & Amara take out Hell & Purgatory was a BRILLIANT idea; I love that they ended all the places of suffering and changed the system. I just wonder - what happened to the souls and the demons still in Hell at that point, and the Leviathans and other monsters still in Purgatory? Were they just wiped out completely and sent to the Empty? Or did Jack turn them human and add them to the cycle? (I don't think the show clarified whether or not Leviathans have souls, so...)

No matter whether they were monster or demon or even angel, they would eventually be given human life. I broke it down to 'human enough souls' vs. 'not human enough souls'. Human-enough were immediately brought to life with memories and versions of their original bodies, and not-human-enough were sent to the Soul Queue to be born as infants. I assume Leviathan and most demons fall into 'not human enough', therefore, whatever tiny microbe of personality/soul they had was added to the cycle of rebirth and would be translated to a new human soul. Of course this might have a WILDLY different impact on the world depending on how many people go to hell in this system, how many people were 'human enough', etc.... But we're basically fudging those numbers a bit one way or another just to give certain characters the revival they deserve haha.

2. Did Cas drown and die after Chuck threw him in the lake and Jack left their limbo-dream world? If so, did he go through the same question-&-answer situation with Death that Sam & Dean did? Or was he with Jack & Amara when they rebuilt the world?

Cas was already dead/dying even when he was talking to Jack, he was sort of in a different version of the 'Veil' per se. VERY wishy-washy, but basically he and Jack were on a different dream-plane that they were jolted to in the chaos of the disorganised no-Death world.

I think Cas, Rowena, Lucifer, Michael, etc. as beings who were killed after the snap is a bit ambiguous. Rowena and Lucifer, I think, as entities who were demonic-dead or Empty-level-dead pre-Snap probably went through the reincarnation Yes/No Death questionnaire. Cas and Michael might not have since they were technically 'alive' and human before the Snap. Regardless, I think they probably wouldn't remember the interaction even if they had it.

The reason the question happened to the Winchesters AND that they remember it is Main Character Syndrome... they were the only people left alive when Jack and Amara did a hard reset, and that honestly Death took time to chill/exposition at them because he likes them. Really. Despite all appearances. Or respects them enough to let them know what's gone down, anyway.

Metatextually, it was really just to reaffirm to the audience that Dean (and Sam) want to live, in contrast to 15.20 Carry On 😅

3. Did all the snapped people (Eileen, Adam, the Waywards, etc.) also go through the Death question-&-answer process but not remember it, or did Jack & Amara just send them back?

Snapped people were reset automatically! Normally the new-humans also wouldn't remember their interactions with Death/reapers, just like in canon lore when someone like Dean has a near-death experience.

I realise this whole section and various other lore reformation parts of the fic aren't SUPER clear on specific logistics but on some occasions I'm like, I've done enough info-dumping, I don't want to overwrite exposition. But if you think it's worth clarifying certain points let me know and I can try to do so!

For 15x22:

1. The twenty something blonde guy in sunglasses getting hot tea, is that Belphegor? sure sounds like it but I wanted to confirm.

Yep!

2. Since Death mentioned that Jack only resurrected the angels, demons, and monsters from the Empty who had enough of a soul, and since all the human souls from the Veil went to Heaven as confirmed by Kevin's presence, how exactly are Anna's human parents and Bela alive now?

Great question - 1) I SOMEHOW FORGOT ANNA'S PARENTS DIED? Complete screw up on my part, I don't know how that happened. I fixed this so it's her grandparents now. 2) Bela was sent to Hell as part of her deal, so I was assuming she was a demon by this point in canon (since it would be... MANY Hell-years since she died.) Therefore she had a 'human' enough demon soul to be put back as a human.

3. Oh, and the tall woman with the flyer in 15.22; who is this supposed to be? Hannah I’m guessing?

To be honest I didn't have anyone in particular in mind for that scene; it was kind of a catch-all for missing characters like, it COULD be Hannah. It could be Raphael. Hell, it could be Abbadon. I didn't want to do a full shot of every single person missing from the cast who had died (esp since like - we wouldn't know who they were anyway! Their bodies would be different). So this one is literally just fill-in-the-blank. But if I had to assign a character there I'd say it would probably be one of the more arrogant angels like Raphael or Uriel.

For 15x23:

1. How is Bobby in the Roadhouse with the gang? 10x17 seemed to imply the angels were about to throw him in the dungeons to punish him for helping Cas; did Ash hack him out of prison, or was he never imprisoned at all? Also, is Jack not surprised to see another Bobby in Heaven because the boys already told him there was another Bobby besides the one he knows from Apocalypseverse? (I was half-expecting him to comment about that and confuse Bobby).

Oh that's a great point! I think that's another sort of fill in the blank since it's been five years since 10.17... even if he was in prison of some kind, I think it's likely either Ash helped him get out in the same way he helped everyone else, and since the angels were extremely short-staffed I doubt getting Bobby suitably imprisoned/punished was their top priority. But honestly I'm not super clear on how the angels intended to punish Bobby, I don't think canon is clear either... like, We Just Don't Know.

Finally I'd like to know, has Sam proposed to Eileen yet by the end of the final episode? The script doesn't mention a ring on her finger, and as Sam's fiancee, I'd assume she'd also have carved her name on the table. Sam mentions the innuendos Dean has said "in the past year," so it's been a while since Jack's prayer scene, yet Cas says Dean & Claire's argument was the last time they spoke, and it doesn't seem likely to me that Dean wouldn't call Claire in a year given how close they are...

Nope! I think Sam is saying 'I'm going to marry her' as a declaration of certainty of his feelings and faith in the future, not neccessarily as something that immediately happens. With regards to 'in the past year', that referred to the period when Eileen was alive during s15 as well! I assume Dean did teasing off-screen (and I mean, he did plenty on-screen too.)

I honestly think that Sam and Dean are just very very busy in the aftermath of the events of the 15.20 reset, like they have to deal with the new world AND try to wrangle all these hunters into this new system of collaboration. I didn't put Eileen on the table because she isn't there in the finale and because I do think the Sam/Dean/Cas/Jack family unit was a bit more central and important to the show, but maybe they add her (and any possible kids, if they have any) later on. God, imagine generations of hunters and/or Winchesters carving on that table. Sacred Artefact...

(1) Ok that's all the questions I have. Again, so sorry to blow up your inbox - I really appreciate your willingness to clarify these things! If there are some things you'd rather not explain and leave ambiguous, I totally get that. And in spite of these aforementioned confusing parts, I still ADORE your fic and will continue to read it whenever I feel like re-"watching" how Supernatural really ended! Thank you so much!! .... (2) I’m SO sorry to overload u! I know I asked a lot and I didn’t mean to sound like a hater saying “none of ur story makes sense”; that’s not what I meant at all! If this was a regular good ol fix it fic I wouldn’t have said anything but since u said u wanted it to wrap up the show as replacement canon, I thought maybe I should point out places that didn’t line up. But take as MUCH time as you need! Good for you working to meet your deadlines; I hope you succeeded!! And again I really appreciate you taking the time to answer whenever you have time—absolutely no rush!! Have a GREAT Memorial Day Weekend!!!

Anon thank you SO SO much for all these questions, as you can see it really helped me identify problems or straight up errors in my work wrt continuity and I'm so happy that means I can improve it. If any of the answers weren't clear or you think I should modify the fic to make certain things clearer than they are right now (other than the things I said I'd fix in-text for sure) let me know! It's really been a pleasure answering them too, I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to it, I actually went back and proofed/edited the whole fic as part of adding some of these corrections in (and that took like... three weeks...) and as you said, it's very important to me to get it as true to canon as possible so - yeah, just, once again, thank you!! You're wonderful! ♥♥♥

[bigskydreaming]

Idk guys, could people maybe just try taking me at my word every now and again? I mean, what exactly is it that people think I get out of these posts?

Is it popularity? Do you think I make these posts to be popular? Because I took several months upon moving into Batfandom a year or two ago before actually making these kinds of posts more than once in a blue moon, and I was waaaaaaaaaaay more popular initially than I am now. I lost literal scores of followers once people realized this is a Thing for me, and could probably get most of them back if I just....stopped. Given the number of people who seem to follow and unfollow me regularly, as if just to see if I’m ‘done yet.’

So.....no, its not about popularity.

Is it about note counts? Do you think I make these posts to get notes, by being controversial, or with ‘the anti’s’? Because if you look through my archives you’d see that without variation, I consistently get FAR less notes on these posts that I do compared to like....literally ANY other content I post. When I write a Batfandom meta indepth, its rare for me not to get hundreds of notes on it. When I write a post like the last one examining survivor-related topics in depth, its rare for me to get up to even fifty notes. 

So......no, its not about note counts.

Is it about garnering sympathy/pity? I do rely on donation posts sometimes, and I might see gains there due to people having sympathy or pity for me that they’re afraid to tangibly express online due to the controversial nature of many of my posts, but that might show up there, right? Well, sure, except for the fact that....my sob story is in no way reliant on these more controversial posts to exist, and in fact would be a hell of a lot more compelling when it comes to attaining donations if I DIDN’T add in all these other posts that are blatantly alienating to a lot of the people who were like “you had me at abuse/incest/rape survivor who needs major surgery as an end result of his gay bashing way back in college but then you lost me when you said I am a literal rapist for reading and writing specific fics like wtf dude?”

So.....no, its not about garnering sympathy/pity or even donations.

Is it about just being interesting or standing out or getting attention? Do you think I make these posts like a broken record because I have nothing else to talk about? Because uh, I have my pet topics but I can literally write essays on pretty much ANYTHING and everything about Dick Grayson or Scott McCall or Bobby Drake or plenty of other characters. And again, like I mentioned above, consistently get WAY more attention and engagement from people on any of those. I don’t need even my survivor status to be interesting, thanks, and I don’t even actually care all that much about it at the end of the day, because anyone who’s followed me for any length of time knows I would be perfectly happy to talk for a week straight about my OCs or original content even, as long as I have even just one or two people engaging with it, lol. 

So....no, its not about being interesting or getting attention.

Is it about being a know-it-all, regarded as having certain expertise or being an authority on a certain topic? If so, that’d be a weird choice given how often I talk about how being a survivor is NOT a monolithic experience, and the fact that I center myself in my posts on the subject is not because I’m presuming I speak for everyone, but rather specifically to keep my views and experiences tailored specifically to ME and my own experiences entirely....the only viewpoint from which I AM qualified to speak with authority. I don’t post what I post the way I post to be viewed as the be-all and end-all of surivor views, and I don’t make it about myself and my experiences to wave my survivor credentials around and shut down opposition - if I did, it’d be blatantly ineffective given the amount of anon hate I get and derailing my posts experience, most of the time using information I’ve freely offered up in my own posts in an attempt to trigger or silence me. I post the way I post in these posts for one reason only, usually to my own detriment - I’m simply trying to humanize a topic that far too many people IMO deliberately try to view as abstract and hypothetical in order to distance themselves from the real issues. Not to mention like, I know a great deal about a lot of things? There aren’t many other former stuntmen or actors posting in this part of the internet that I’ve seen, I could focus on my own expertise there, or in any number of academic topics I’ve explored a lot just out of personal interest. Hell, I’ve been called a ‘Dick Grayson expert’ more than once, and could easily just focus on my knowledge and insight of his character, if I weren’t so often alienating half his fandom with these posts, right?

So.....no, its not about being a know-it-all or regarded as having certain expertise or being an authority on a certain topic.

So really, when it comes right down to it, there’s only two things it could possibly be, wouldn’t you agree? Either I’m speaking from a place of honesty as to very real reactions and views I have on this subject, born of my own experiences and knowledge.....or I’m just speaking out my ass from a place of wanting to feel morally superior about something.

But does it really make sense for it to be the latter? If I wanted a moral superiority hill to die on in order to feel good about myself or whatever, do you really think this is the only one I could come up with, or come back to this often? Given the number of ways it seems to shoot me in the foot in the process? Oh, I know I have a certain tone when I speak on this subject. I know I ooze the same ‘you sound so dumb right now’ tone I accuse others of when I approach stuff like this, but the thing is.....all of that ALWAYS traces back to like...me REACTING off of something, not just randomly up and deciding hey this is a good week to be hated by bringing up something I know damn well 90% of my followers would be happy to see me never bring up again.

And for a guy who clearly LIKES interacting and engagement on this platform as much as I do, does that make any sort of sense at all? Maybe every now and then, but as often as I do post about this stuff, for as long as I’ve been?

Or could it possibly just be like.....I’m telling the truth, and this shit is really, truly exhausting in a way that I, and any other survivor it exhausts, shouldn’t HAVE to put up with. Its not like I came out of the gate swinging, in fandom at large or even this fandom specifically. It took time to get me just....tired of it. The same bullshit, every day, every week, without fail. And again, it all mirrors the same shit I’ve been hearing from people my whole life, to avoid engaging with the ways they weren’t even complicit in my past traumas, but just....inconvenienced by it. People talk a good game about being there for us, believing us, supporting us, but in my experience, the second something beyond a simple acknowledgment of status is asked for, the second something someone would have to ACT UPON is asked for.....the switch flips.

And that shit. Is. Exhausting.

I don’t make noise on this subject because I in any way actionably or actually benefit from it. I don’t even make noise on it EXPECTING to, at this point. I make noise simply because.....the subject deserves noise, and I deserve to make it if I make that choice, and for too much of my life that just wasn’t a possibility. And all of this bullshit, as a result? Make no mistake, its just bullshit. I don’t ever call it me being bullied or victimized or harassed or martyred, because its none of those things and I don’t regard it as those things. (Well I occasionally refer to that TW anon as harassing, but that’s because their behavior is not just limited to me and very much fits every textbook definition of the word and needs to be regarded as such). But the rest of it? Like, I don’t have a martyr or victim complex because I don’t feel victimized by this shit, lmfao. It really is just exhausting and irritating. It makes me tired and annoyed. Not harmed. Even being genuinely triggered by shit, which happens more than I care to have it happen, is at the end of the day still just an unwanted echo of a shout that I heard years ago, and an echo is never going to hurt me the way that initial shout did or have the same impact. I’ll never quite get how people seem so convinced that their anon hate or triggering effect is going to accomplish what nothing before this actually did or be the TRULY demoralizing impact I can’t move past or whatever, as opposed to just being irritating and frustrating in its hypocrisy, but well. Guess people are projecting about feeling powerless in their own lives, lol, whoops.

But just....the hypocrisy of all this grates. And the only thing I’m really looking for out of it, if I’m even looking for anything at all, is just even a few people over the years saying something as simple as “i never really thought about it like this but I can see it now.” Is it really that hard to just listen to people? My ‘voice of moral superiority/condescension’ in these things comes from the fact that I AM listening, I HAVE been listening, and that’s why I know for a fact that the things being said in opposition are all things I’ve heard MANY MANY times before, and refuted or seen refuted each time. Can some of you say the same thing about yours? Especially when that tone only comes up in posts that repeatedly reaffirm that you’re not actually responding to anything I’ve actually said or written, but merely your own idea of what you THINK I’m saying, or else just a viewpoint you’re comfortable refuting, even if its not actually mine and at best tangential to my own? When you can find something insightful in so many of my posts about a character we both like, and understand even the most rambling of my essays about Dick Grayson just fine, can you truly and with confidence say the disconnect when it comes to hearing and understanding what I say in these posts is all mine? Are you sure it has NOTHING to do with anything you bring into your reading of these posts from a place of defensiveness or preconceptions of your own?

Just....think about it.

[jnlnyaface]

The Rise of Skywalker...Thoughts...

I finally bit the bullet and saw “The Rise of Skywalker” in theaters. I have some thoughts...

Spoilers Obviously!!!!!

My general review is that the whole time I was in the theater all I could think about was how much better it would’ve been if this movie and “The Last Jedi” were combined and divided in two. By that I mean, there were so many things in this movie that would’ve worked better if they were done in the 2nd movie and then built upon in this one. There were things in the 2nd movie that I thought would’ve worked great in this one. 

Have you ever taken a creative writing class and the teacher gives you a sentence to start a story and 2 mins to write. When your time is up you pass the paper back and continue the story the person in front of you wrote on their paper. And you keep going until everybody in your row has written a piece of each story. Do you remember reading that story and how one kid turned it into a fairytale and then the next into a horror show? And the last kid was left to try to put a bow on it and call it one cohesive story?That’s what this trilogy felt like. 

Here are some quick thoughts before we dive in:

1. Finn being force sensitive *chef’s kiss*

2. Poe-Finn-Rey relationship = actual gold

3. I can now understand why people ship Poe and Finn

4. Even though the story was all over the place the effects with Rey and the Emperor were creepy in a good way

5. Overall I wasn’t as disappointed as I thought I would be but there’s so much that could have been done to make it better.

More under the cut!

Ok guys! Here’s where we do the deep dive. I’m pretty much going to outline all the problems I had with the film, why and what I think they could have done to make it better.

1. The whole Rey Palpatine thing - even though I (and many other people) wasn’t the biggest fan of “The Last Jedi” (because it was just one long car chase where nothing really happened) I did like the idea that Rey didn’t come for a force sensitive family. 

I thought it would be cool if the stronger Kylo got on the dark side, Rey got equally as strong on the light side to keep balance in the force. (Like the force itself chose someone to keep balance, someone random) I didn’t like the way it was handled, him just saying it in an offhand way, but I thought it was a good choice. To backtrack and have her be Palpatine’s granddaughter was more than a little ridiculous and way too rushed. If they would’ve introduced this possibly in one of the last two movies that would’ve been fine. But a third movie plot twist? Why?

2. Finn - There are some topics in my life that I feel like I could literally write a college level dissertation on and the treatment of Finn is this trilogy is definitely one of them. Finn was teased so heavily before “The Force Awakens” and ended up being a misdirect for Rey being the real hero/chosen one. I was ok with that because Rey and Finn were so intent on being together. That meant, to me, that throughout the trilogy they would be with each other. They became each other’s family and they weren’t going to let the other go. Then TLJ happened and they were seperated for most of the movie. Why would you separate characters with such great chemistry? (They actually separated all three of the main trio in their own storylines. The problem with this? They never got a chance to be all together and build up their bond (as a trio) before they’re separated.) 

This would’ve been fine (ish) if Finn’s storyline wasn’t a side quest of epic proportions. He’s one of the MAIN CHARACTERS and he went to a planet to get a thing for reasons. WTF?! (I will concede he did have some ok character development but it didn’t happen until the very end of the movie) Then they hint that he’s force sensitive and do nothing with it. I’m with the group that believes he moved the rocks at the end of TLJ when he ran to Rey and that was the first hint of his force sensitivity. I was hoping he would be training with her by the time the 3rd movie started (it was a long shot but one can dream). It’s obviously more explicit in TROS but nothing comes of it. He doesn’t have some big moment where he uses his powers and saves someone. He doesn’t have some confusing moment where he’s wondering what’s happening to him. Nothing! He just senses some stuff and exists. 

He really doesn’t even add much to the plot of the movie itself. He’s once again benched but they give him busy work to make it seem like he’s actually contributing. John Boyega is an excellent actor and their underuse of him is criminal. 

3. The Knights of Ren - Soooooo..... What’s up guys? In the first movie they talk about Kylo and his Knights of Ren being amazing then in the second movie they are never mentioned. Now in TROS they are there lurking in the shadows and....doing nothing. They seemed like they would be these fierce badasses but they get beat while by Kylo while he pretty much has one hand tied behind his back. Wha...

4. Kylo and Rey - I have very many problems with Kylo and Rey. Like so so so many. My biggest one is the kiss. Not necessarily that it happened just that it made zero sense. Yes they had a connection throughout the trilogy but why would that have to translate to romance? Why is it that when a female hero tries to redeem a male villain (or anti-hero) it means she wants to smash? Rey should have been allowed to want to save Kylo/Ben without having to fall for him. I asked a question on here a while back (when I was still contemplating whether or not I wanted to go see the movie). 

I asked why people ship/started shipping Reylo. None of the answers I got gave me an “aha” type moment. You know that moment when you’re like “oh I get it now” (not that it changes your mind about the couple just that you understand why that person likes them so much). I didn’t get that at all for the answers I got. Some people said “because of their connection through the force” and I’m like ok...and? Why does that mean romance? 

I have never seen him as anything more that a homicidal villain. I always thought their connection was a way for the audience and Rey to get to know Kylo so he wouldn’t be some one dimensional villain. I never saw them in a romantic light. In my opinion that final kiss could’ve been a hug and it would’ve had the same effect. (Or he could’ve just died. I would’ve been fine with that too)

5. Kylo Redemption - My problem with his “redemption” arc is that he didn’t earn it. He literally started the movie taking out an entire battalion by himself to get the pyramid thing. In the first movie he ordered his troops to destroy a whole village of innocent people. After killing Snoke he didn’t disband the first order he just took over and reaffirmed his commitment to the dark side. He killed his father, tortured Rey and Poe and the only reason why he wanted to help Palpatine was to get the fleet he was offering. But then in the 3rd(?) act Leia dies, Rey almost kills him, he has a conversation with the ghost/memory of his dad and suddenly he wants to be a good person again? Kylo is dead and Ben is just back? 

The thing is (in my opinion) every great redemption story starts with the person admitting they were wrong and asking for forgiveness. Then putting in the work to earn that forgiveness. Or at least acknowledging they were wrong and dying for the greater good. But Kylo/Ben never acknowledge the mistakes he made, he never asked for forgiveness, he didn’t do anything the showed he should be redeemed. (But he didn’t shoot on Leia’s ship in TLJ and he and Rey fought together on Snoke’s ship) wow he did one not terrible thing and fought with Rey so he could take over the first order. I’m not seeing how that creates a redemption arc for him. 

I’m going to expand on this more in my next point but I think if he just fully embraced his villainy it would’ve been better. If he killed Palpatine and became the final boss I think that would’ve been more interesting than a last minute turn as a good guy then dying.  

6. Finnrey - When I said I was going to expand on that what I meant was: I’m going to tell you what I think should’ve happened in regards to FinnRey and how they should’ve been handled. In no other movie/book/tv show/short story/play will you see the main female actress and the main male actor not get together. It was so heavily hinted that Finn and Rey had/were going to have romantic feelings for each other (they were supposed to be our Han and Leia) and this was just forgotten about so abruptly. 

Even in the second movie, the first thing Finn thinks about is Rey when he wakes up. He wants to get the beacon as far away from the resistance’s ships as possible so when she gets back she won’t be in danger with the rest of the fleet. And Rey talking to Chewie before she goes onto the ship “tell him I said...” what did Chewie say? Who speaks wookie? This movie was such a great opportunity to expand on that relationship and what do we get? Nothing...again. They didn’t even have one full conversation. Ok but why though? Don’t even get me started on the whole quicksand incident. Why wouldn’t he be telling her he loved her? Why is that such an absurd possibility? This is what has been hinted at for 2 movies and now...? Sensing a theme when it comes to hints involving Finn? Yeah me too. 

There was a comment or article that I read somewhere that talked about Finn getting knocked out in the first movie during the final battle. This person said it was unfair because of the bait and switch in regards to the trailers teasing Finn vs Rey being the force sensitive in the movie. And I thought “wouldn’t it be cool if Finn and Rey fought Kylo together?”. I don’t just mean that one battle I mean throughout the whole trilogy. Wouldn’t it have been interesting if Kylo and Rey were connected because they were the equals in the dark and light sides of the force and if Rey and Finn were connected because they were a force dyad? That way if Kylo was going to be the ultimate final boss Finn and Rey could train/fight/work together to beat him once and for all. I thought that would be much more compelling. They didn’t even necessarily have to become a romantic pairing. 

I’m ok with subverting the, every series ends with a romance trope (even though it seems like the only time this trope is subverted is when a character of color is involved) but in this last movie Finn did little more than follow Rey around the galaxy and call her name when crap was going down. At least if you have force sensitive Finn, who has trained with and is connected to Rey he can actually help her instead of standing around staring the whole time. I, of course am a FinnRey shipper so I was disappointed when they didn’t get together but I’ve had plenty of other ships disappoint me in the past so this was nothing. I just wish they would have communicated for longer than two collective minutes in the 2.5 hour movie. They had such a great relationship/friendship. It was one of the best things about the first movie and it just evaporated in this movie with no real explanation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These were some of my thoughts about Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. I didn’t write this to offend anyone so if I did I’m sorry. I just needed to get this off my chest. I really got into the Stars Wars fandom with TFA and it has been a rollercoaster ride ever since. I try to reserve judgement on a series until it is over, since middle movies can be kind of boring because they’re trying to move the plot forward. I like to wait until the story is done before I say whether or not I liked it and this well...I’m still not sure. 

[itwill-comeback]

Let's Blame More Things On Tomas, a Theory

Off the top of my head, some things that just don't add up:

▪︎ Otis is kind and usually tolerant of people thinking differently than him, even when they're wrong. He finds out that Vikas is in a relationship with a human, and immediately reports it to the nearest Council. This is really out of character for him. What's even more out of character is that he offers to turn Nadya and then when she refuses he turns her anyways?? How very ungentlemanly of him. He doesn't even raise concerns about how turning someone without their consent is illegal, even though the entire thing is being overseen by a Council? That sounds like irrational and unconcerned behavior, which is very out of character from everything we know about Otis. Also, if anyone would sympathize with a human who's being coerced into turning, it'd be Otis. Ignatius pretty much did the same thing to get him to turn. On top of that, supposedly [looking at Tomas' behavior at the end of the series] Tomas doesn't consider Otis family and doesn't care about him, so why, if this is true, does Tomas stop Vikas from just killing Otis, after he turns Nadya?

The theory is that Tomas knows he'll need people who he can use once he finds a human who can give him offspring, once he's being hunted by every Council, and most importantly Em. He has to have people who he can predict to act in a certain way and who he can use to further his own plans. Looking at his relationships through this lense, his 'closest' relationships are to Vikas and Otis. He needs one of these people to be innocent and uninvolved in his crimes, that's Vikas, he's 'close' to Tomas because he believes in what they're trying to achieve, but as far as anyone in Elysia can tell Vikas doesn't have any idea what Tomas is up to [he even pretends as if he hasn't heard that Tomas 'died']. He needs Otis to be on shaky ground with both Vikas and the Councils, because he knows how Otis feels about the prophecy and how he will behave under pressure from the Stokerton Council. Otis is only close enough to Tomas for the Council to think they could find him with Otis' help. Elysia thinks the two are close, so does Otis, but Tomas isn't really close with anyone.

This leaves predictable behavior for both of them, internally Otis will be hopefully to regain Elysia's trust, and maybe even protect his brother from the Council. Externally he will be compliant and logical towards D'Ablo and the investigation to find his brother.

Vikas will be internally compliant and forthcoming towards Tomas because he's 'in on' the big secret that Tomas has plans to kill his son. Externally, Elysia will see him as unquestionably innocent and an upright leader with a sad past. This also leaves Vikas in a position with few reliable relationships in his life, the only person he can really turn to is Tomas, he's closed off from Elysia and Otis and pretty much everyone. The only person we see that he's close to is Nadya, and then she dies, and then he gets close to Tristan, and then he dies. It's almost as if Tomas needs the people he works with to be alone and without outside perspective. I think Tomas didn't trust Vikas to not produce the Pravus himself with Nadya, and Vikas probably wouldn't kill his own kid, so Tomas removed Nadya from the equation.

The same things happens to Otis when he falls for Nelly, Tomas pulls love out of their lives like it's a weed or an infection to his agenda. He did the same thing to Vlad by killing Mellina, he leaves them with no one to turn to but him. Towards the end he regards Nelly as a threat to his plans and takes a plainly aggressive stance towards her before killing her, he does the same with D'Ablo, he treats Vlad as a coveted thing that he must attain at any cost. Anyone who he doesn't have complete control over or who isn't predictable is not allowed anywhere near his son.

When Otis [predictably] turns to his oldest friend trying to protect Vlad from damn near the whole of Elysia, Vikas is unyielding. He also hints at the idea that Otis isn't trustworthy, because Otis needs to have zero reliable relationships, and this includes Vlad. They can't trust each other if Tomas wants his plan to work, so of course he would have Vikas retell this painful [biased] memory to Vlad, it actively hurts their relationship.

▪︎Otis' only other close friend in Elysia is Enrico who he has a tense relationship with because he thinks he killed Adrian [which we later find out isn't true] but even if Dorian and Enrico both know that's not what happened, if Tomas uses mind control to make Otis think he's responsible for Adrian's death then he won't turn to Enrico for help.

Basically I think Tomas orchestrates his relationships this way, to put distance between others so that they can't poke holes in his stories and figure him out. He actively does this when he puts blood on Otis' hat and leaves it where Vlad will find it, but it's not hard to infer that he does this from a distance throughout the series.

▪︎I also think Tomas killed Tristan, the circumstances around his death are weird and then Vikas [who we expect to be logical, even when he's grieving] immediately comes to the conclusion that Joss killed his drudge and wants to have him killed. My first assumption was that D'Ablo had him killed, just because it could easily send Vikas over the edge and if he goes mad he can't sit on the Elder Council. In all likelihood it was probably Tomas, he seeks to gain the most from it, he is the least likely suspect from Vikas' perspective, and we know he's been spying on Bathory for years. It'd be easy to convince both Vikas and Otis that Joss killed him. It distances Vlad from Vikas, it reaffirms that Vikas and Tomas are working against Vlad and Otis.

I wouldn't even be surprised if Tomas was using these same sorts of methods from the beginning, getting Otis to trust him and turn so that they could kill Ignatius. The Us vs. Them mentality is strong and repetitive in everything surrounding Tomas.

▪︎I think he also probably had Joss stake Dorian, even if by accident. If Joss stakes Vlad, it won't kill him, but Tomas can easily move in and take Vlad and perform the ritual with no resistance. If Dorian gets staked it takes one of the only vampires who could protect Vlad from him out of play. Tomas was there when it happened, he knew Dorian was there, the only two options both work in his favor. We also know Joss didn't want to stake Vlad to stop the cleansing and that they were working on another option to protect the town. Joss' behavior here is out of character. Why? Because Tomas benefits from it and is using mind control to make it happen. One less reliable relationship for Vlad, the same old lie that no one can be trusted.

It's also worth noting that Tomas only bothers coming out of hiding and killing all his enemies right before he goes to take Vlad's powers. Would Enrico have helped Otis and Vlad against Tomas and Vikas? Maybe, maybe not. But he isn't so predictable after Dorian dies so Tomas can't risk it and has him killed. Would D'Ablo have helped against Tomas? Maybe, maybe not. Tomas just hates the idea that someone else came close to something he spent years working towards so much that he'd kill D'Ablo outright even though he had a very minimal likelihood of helping Vlad.

Thoughts?

[undeadwicchan]

Fanmade Alternate Scenario for the Azure Moon route.

I may be a mainly focused RWBY Blog, but I’m on a huge Fire Emblem kick right now. (Blue Lions for life!) And so birth this idea. (Oh and I’m tagging Dimileth because there is bias for this pairing in this idea and their bond is just as focused on in this route.)

This post does contains spoilers for Fire Emblem Three Houses, so be warned.

What if Dimitri saw Byleth run towards that pack of Demonic Beasts and quickly follows her. Then when Thales tries to cast her away and just as Byleth is about to fall, Dimitri grabbed ahold of her hand. He tells her to hold on, but Byleth smiles at him, but scared and this could go two ways. The A scenario where, Byleth lets go and Dimitri watches in horror to see someone dear to him leave him again, and it’s basically the Azure Moon route. Or…

If Byleth spends enough time with Dimitri and offer to accompany him on a trip back to the Kingdom during Guardian Moon (January) where he wishes to pay respect to those who have fallen in the Tragedy of Duscur. Byleth would also encounter Cornelia and Rufus for the first time after she and Dimitri are going to stay at the castle for the night. The pair decide to confide in one another about the recent events regarding Remire Village and Jeralt. They decide to promise each other during the night of their stay when neither of them couldn’t sleep because of various reasons. They promise that they will protect each other. 

Dimitri would increase his grip on Byleth and manages to pull her up as Rhea would distract the other Demonic Beasts. “Not you, please I don’t want to lose you too” he says to her. He begs her to stay by his side. Byleth agrees, but can’t promise she won’t stop fighting in this war, and Dedue runs towards them informing the pair that there was an order from Seteth to retreat. Byleth then decides to return to the Kingdom with Dimitri and the rest of her class to help claim his place as King and get started on the measures of defense against the Imperial forces…

Things the would happen via bullet points thus far.

Before Part II would even start, there will be one more chapter in Part I for this scenario. Because of what went down at the monastery, you can’t spend any time, you just jump right into this mission.

   -  On the way there they are stopped by Imperial troops as they are trying to prevent Dimitri from making it into the Kingdom.

   -  Dimitri and co. defeats them, and Rufus allows Dimitri to take the throne. Soon after Felix, Sylvain, and Ingrid receive word to come back to their respective houses in preparation for the war that would without a doubt reach Faerghus’s soil soon. Ashe, Annette, and Mercedes comments that they had similar notices as well. They decide to reaffirm their promise to meet back at the castle in five years if they won’t be able to see each other during the war. They say their goodbyes and seperate.  Dimitri turns to the Byleth and Dedue as he comments that they have much work to be done. 

    - However, before they can even get started, they see the Kingdom’s knights escorting Seteth who is carrying an unconscious Rhea with Flayn following beside him. After discussing what to do, Dimitri allows the three to take refuge in the Kingdom until Rhea wakes up and Seteth in return adds the remaining Chruch forces to the Kingdom’s own

Part II - Sapphire Sun

 -  Five years have passed since the fall of Garreg Mach. The Alliance is on the verge of a civil war between House Riegan and House Gloucester as the former is anti-Imperial while the latter is pro-Imperial. 

-  The Kingdom is struggling, but has been successful in preventing the Empire from moving forward into their lands after countless defenses won in their favor.

-  Dimitri doesn’t lose his eye and Dedue remains alive as well. However, he still thirst for Edelgard’s blood.

-  Rhea wakes up and advises that they should make the Monastery a militant base against the empire. Dimitri agrees to it, and Rhea decides to fight alongside them in clearing out the Monastery.

Sadly that’s all I have for now, but I do have these other ideas but, I have yet to place them in chronological order or even put them in this scenario.

 - Edelgard and Dimitri get into an argument during a fight later about what’s best for this continent. Dimitri tells her methods are wrong and ruthless while Edelgard tells him how soft his methods are in contrast. Everything then freezes as Edelgard unexpectedly coughs up blood and tells herself that she’s running out of time, she manages to retreat thanks to Hubert. 

- Cornelia manages to cause a rift between Dimitri and Byleth and it’s up to their friends to figure out what’s really going on. While this all happens Arianrhod is attacked by Imperial forces, Dimitri and his forces manages to get there to try and prevent them from capturing the fortress. Cornelia decides to cast an illusion that shows Edelgard is there causing Dimitri to get into a bloodthirsty  rage and became reckless enough that Cornelia is able to inflict a fatal injury on him. Byleth prevents this by using her Divine Pulse. However, she had to take the blow instead, barely clinging to life, Dimitri calls for Mercedes and the other medics to take her into the infirmary while he finishes this. Dimitri ends Cornelia’s life, but before she dies she says the same thing about Patricia as she did in the A Scenario.On the way to the infirmary Felix punches Dimitri out of frustration with the way he’s been acting about Edelgard, scolding and yelling at him for his reckless behavior that may or may not have put Byleth’s sacrifice in vain. Sylvain and Ingrid calms him down. Annette runs up to them, telling the group Byleth is stable, and breathing. Ashe tries to convince Dimitri that he should see her when she wakes up, but the latter is ashamed of what his behavior has caused that it took coaxing from the others to convince him to visit Byleth. And when he visits her, she reminds him of their promise five years ago. “We’re protecting each other”.

- Rhea steps down from being the Archbishop much earlier and gives her position to Byleth (also granting Byleth her Master Class, Archbishop). She does end up telling Dimitri and Byleth her true identity, and wishes to fight not as Rhea, but as Seiros. 

- Dimitri learns the full truth of what happens during the Tragedy of Duscur.

[asgardianthot]

Right here with me (Sambucky)

Angst, hurt/comfort, recovery

Summary: Bucky wakes up screaming from a nightmare

A/N: Overdone? Yes. Bold of you to assume I’m not popular-troupe-trash

word count: 2278

It hadn’t been a specifically tiring day, but Bucky still managed to fall entirely asleep almost the second that he hopped on the bed. Sam, on the other hand, had stayed up later than usual, finishing up some reports that had piled like skyscrapers on a desk. When the coffee hype left his body, it was already 2 am, so he walked back to their room, ready to black out like his boyfriend had. The latter had been sleeping for a while now, and they particularly avoided waking each other up, never wanting to disturb the other’s peaceful dreams, so instead of bothering him with a goodnight kiss, Sam laid down on the mattress with his mid-autumn pajamas already on.

He rested his head on the pillow that was now perfectly customized to the shape of his head and drifted fast asleep.

He thought he held Bucky at some point in his sleep, but when the noises woke him, the man was nowhere near his reach.

At first, the scenario consisted in Bucky breathing loudly and hectically, his chest heaving up and down and a big ugly frown on his forehead.

For the time being, Sam didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and shake him awake, fully aware of the fact that Bucky hated it when Sam would do that, as he wanted to be able to take care of himself. He claimed he didn’t need the pampering and the pity and that most of the times his nightmares didn’t affect him that bad. Therefore, Sam only acted like that when absolutely necessary.

“Bucky, wake up.” He simply whispered, hoping that would be enough to stop the horrid dreams.

He was wrong. Bucky’s respirations weren’t slowing down, and for a second Sam wished it was one of those times when the soldier would mumble in his sleep so that he could get a better insight on what was going on in the man’s head. Easily, Sam sat up and placed a hand on Bucky’s arm, in an attempt to get his attention. However, the gesture startled him even more. By that moment, Bucky’s gaped mouth was battling with gasps of air, like he was drowning or choking or recovering from a marathon. He was sweating as well, to add to the whole image.

Wilson assumed he had short of a free pass to become sterner at the sound of his boyfriend’s despair.

“Bucky, wake up.” He practically commanded him.

It was as if he couldn’t hear him. Sometimes a dream could be too real, too vivid and familiar, as if grazing the lines where the oniric turned into reality, when the haunting memories plummeted onto their bed.

As manifestation, there was hearable wheezing in Barnes’ vocals. And now Sam allowed himself to move quickly, attempting to shift a big guy like Bucky while it felt as if his entire weight was holding him down on that mattress. It wasn’t easy, but it was fast, as he somehow lifted his shoulders and managed to sit behind him.

“Come on.” he shook him lightly, a little more desperate now. “Snap out of it.”

All of a sudden, and definitely not giving Sam enough time to react, the panting easily turned into a painful scream. Every fiber of Wilson’s body panicked and stopped at the sound of his voice being torn apart. Whatever that nightmare constituted was horrifying enough to produce such a piercing shout.

This had happened before, however most times Sam usually jolted awake when Bucky screamed out of the blue, no previous complaints, and it was easier to wake him when in such state. Being so incredibly vocal implied he would eventually be awaking his body himself. This time, Sam had somewhat of a warning before and he still hadn’t been able to avoid the nightmare from escalading.

With his hand on Barnes’ chest, Wilson held him down when the passed out body began moving a bit too much.

“Bucky, baby, wake up!” Sam raised his voice over the yelling.

The man shut up very abruptly, and one painful gasp of air later, recovering from the shrieking, he was jolting awake. He hadn’t sweetly drifted from the night terror with kisses, he had fallen out of it, violently.

“It’s just a dream.” Sam lowered his voice as he noticed the man’s awareness, easing him into reality.

Scared hands flew to hold onto Sam’s for dear life, the one keeping his own chest down; Bucky grabbed them as if he was grounding himself, but it felt more like he was seeking protection. Meanwhile, his breathing was still hectic, riding off the aftershock.

“You’re okay, baby.” Sam reminded him before dropping a kiss on the sweaty forehead and moving some wet hair off. “You’re right here with me.”

A grimace planted itself on Bucky’s features and he started crying silently, still choked up on his pounding heart.

“I’m sorry.” he croaked out.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Wilson reminded him while his thumb ran up and down, caressing Bucky’s chest.

The latter was still gripping at Sam’s wrist like he’d fall to his death if he let go. His diaphragm contracted as he was holding back sobs, attempting his best not to continue making a scandal.

Sam understood that, and it made his stomach churn. To fathom the idea of Barnes feeling so guilty, so apologetic over his involuntary trauma was difficult, impossible to get a grasp on, even.

“Let it out, it’s okay.” He cooed, a hint of annoyance over Bucky’s stubbornness hearable, yet it meant more acceptance than anything else.

So, feeling like he had just been granted permission –something ridiculous to think but easy to understand– Bucky’s cry built up exponentially, up until the point where he was sobbing.

“I’m sorry.” He let out in a hitched up whisper.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Sam repeated his words, as almost a scolding; that was James Barnes for ya, so heavy-headed, kind words didn’t work with him, but instead needed the permission to feel to be punched into his gut. “Never apologize to me for being loud.” He emphasized.

And they both knew he meant both the crying and the screaming.

So Barnes nodded compliant, letting out puffs of air between wet cheeks, all the while his lips trembled.

“Come ‘ere.” Wilson dragged him up so he could hold him better, groaning a bit too much on purpose to lighten the overall tone. “You’re heavy.” he mocked.

A small chuckle escaped Bucky’s crying. The joke soothed him no matter how many times he’d heard that comment before. And the intent worked, for he was now crying less aggressively. He shut his eyes and just let the tears stroll down, not because he was holding back but because he felt safe. Safe to be violently sad, and therefore he didn’t feel it burning up inside his chest ready to burst. He was home.

Sam wrapped both arms around him, to which Bucky responded by cuddling with the arm he was gripping at before.

“You’re okay.” Sam said like a mantra; he placed a kiss on the back of his lover’s head and pressed his own face to it. “We’re okay.”

Bucky nodded, agreeing. It took a few minutes for the tears to stop strolling down. After he finally began to fall back asleep, Wilson pinned both bodies down to their sides. He spooned him, wishing to know more about what had just happened, wanting to get that out of Bucky’s chest; nevertheless, he prioritized the man’s tranquility over the long-term mental health. He’d get there eventually. For the night, though, he simply required some peace.

As if reading Sam’s mind, Barnes spoke so easily that it almost surprised the veteran.

“It was about Hydra. Again.”

Sam accommodated their bodies even more, unnecessarily, but only as a manner of reaffirming his tight held.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Bucky didn’t shift. “No.”

After a long minute of silence, of just resting and being there for Bucky, the latter’s body began shaking again. If the situation wasn’t awful enough, the fact that he couldn’t speak the horrors done to him in his sleep –therefore in his past– upset him on a more vulnerable level. He wished to tell Sam, tell him everything, but then again, he thought he himself was already too much to handle; adding stories that would make Sam’s skin crawl or at least feel disgusted would only accentuate that.

Wilson left a kiss on the weeping man’s shoulder.

This time Bucky spoke through gritted teeth. “They keep hurting me.”

“Shhh,” Sam eventually had to appeal to softer ways, not giving him the space he had planned but actually pampering him in order to ease his pain. “no they don’t. That’s far in the past. They can’t get to ya now.”

Bucky couldn’t agree. “They are.” He shut his eyes tightly, as he was referring to the recurrent the torment of the nightmares.

They couldn’t harm him physically. They couldn’t reach with their gloved surgeon hands or with their guns, they couldn’t chain or lock or freeze him. No organization would ever make him do horrors, nor erase his memory, nor cut through his skin. However the fact that they had done all of that and more, that would stick with him forever. Or so he thought. At least, the fact that it affected him this much at that very moment, was enough to believe they still somehow had him.

Sam was grateful that Bucky’s positioning didn’t grant him a sight of the darker man’s face, for he couldn’t hold back the sad frown from appearing. He could only imagine the desperation in his boyfriend’s chest, and there was only so much he could do to help.

He put on a soothing, yet not condescending tone. “We won’t let them, alright?”

It took every last bit of strength for Bucky to believe his lover. But when he did, it eased his body for the second time that night, slowly calming down his breath until he ceased crying. Sam didn’t say anything else, giving him as much time as the soldier needed to find some peace again.

Wilson understood his lover’s feelings, and showed as much respect towards his own space and rhythm as he could. Which was why, when Barnes spewed valuable progress as easily as before, it warmed the man’s already warm heart.

“I’m gonna go to that doctor.” Bucky claimed.

Sam raised his head a little so he could mimic towering over him without having to disrupt their comfortable position. “The therapist?” He confirmed.

“Yeah.”

They had talked about it. Sam had pushed the idea more than once but never pressuring him into anything he wasn’t comfortable with. Bucky was merely good at avoiding the subject and therefore Sam was used to dropping it as fast as he brought it up.

“Don’t go if you’re not ready.” The veteran reminded him with such a serious tone, he couldn’t have faked it if he had wanted to. “This, the nightmare… It doesn’t mean you’re setting back, Barnes.”

Bucky didn’t totally believe that, but after all, he was sort of a downer. Sam had it easier when it came to seeing brightness in the future. He was a tad more positive about those kinds of things –traumas, a better day– and sometimes, Bucky truly needed the insight.

“Maybe.” The latter reflected on that possibility.

He hated the idea of telling a stranger all of his darkest secrets, sitting on their generous space and vomiting memories that felt implanted even though his very soul knew they were his.

Aware of that fact, Sam met him halfway. “I can go with you.” He offered.

It made Bucky remember the time Sam had told him he couldn’t walk with him to that office. He couldn’t sit next to him nor wait outside the door in case he needed to fly out that building as fast as he could. It was his own road to walk and he needed to do it by himself, willingly and when he was one hundred percent sure.

Sam not only helped veterans in therapeutic help groups, but he also went himself, responsibly, to a professional every once in a while. He knew he needed it and he took care of himself, no need for Bucky to hold his hand as their path to recovery must be separate. Personal.

So he gave Sam’s arm an appreciative squeeze. There was a grateful, tired grin that Sam couldn’t see as he faced the other way, planted on the puffy features. On some level, it wasn’t a conversation, for they weren’t intimately seeing into each other’s souls, but instead the heart-to-heart came from Bucky to Bucky, with Sam merely supporting him.

“Thanks.” Bucky said, genuinely warmed by the fact that Sam would go the extra mile. “But you’re right. I have to do this by myself. For myself.”

Sam couldn’t stop the smile from taking over his face. Barnes must have felt it too, when the Falcon planted a sweet, long kiss on his temple, then returned his own head to the pillow.

“I’ll drive you.” Wilson gave into his pity through another offer.

The thought of his boyfriend voluntarily wanting to push himself made him actually wish to cheat the process and walk with him to that office, holding his hand. They both settled with just driving there together.

Bucky hummed in replace of a laughter, as approval. “Sounds good.”

The two men proceeded to drift back asleep, cuddling for dear life, and the only thing hearable for the rest of the night was peaceful breathing.

[phantoms-lair]

Based on this by @cirilee​

None of them really had any time to process what happened. It seemed one moment they were trying to figure out why Shaggy and Scooby never showed up at school, the next a strange wizard named Vincent had appeared, been blatantly supernatural, apparently because he didn’t have time to convince them gently, then teleported them to a creepy old house in the Himalayas.

Any thought of protest died when they saw Shaggy in a wheelchair, looking like he was a half step away from the grave.

“Like, sorry guys,” Shaggy said with a weak smile.

“Sorry for what?” Daphne asked, running to his side.

“For not getting help the moment he realized there was a problem.” Vincent had his arms crossed and was looking annoyed.

Shaggy shrugged. “Like who could I ask? Last couple of times you didn’t exist or were an actor.”

Vincent didn’t budge. “And you had eighteen years this iteration.”

“Yeah, that’s on me.” Shaggy admitted. “But this is usually the best part and I was hoping to get through it.”

“The best part of what?’ Fred asked, confused.

“Of us, man. Of life. Of having the freedom to go out and explore before responsibility pulls us down.”

Vincent put a comforting hand on his shoulder, “Perhaps you should let me explain. I gave you a lot to process.” “I know, and, like, I think I understood a third of it. But I should at least tell them what I did know. I should have done it before. Just didn’t know how.” He shifted a bit uncomfortably. “This...isn’t the first time we’ve done this.”

“I am fairly certain this is the first time a wizard kidnapped us.” Velma pointed out, wondering what was happening to her friend.

“No. Well, first time this go round. That’s the thing. All of this, being friends, growing up, solving mysteries, we’ve done it so often.” He shuddered and Scooby curled up to him, whining softly.

“This isn’t important. We need to get you to a hospital.” Velma insisted. Strange impossible stories could wait.

“A hospital can’t help, Velms. Only thing that would happen is freaking out the staff.”

“This is magic? A curse?” Daphne surprised, trying not to think of what would traumatize a hospital staff.

“That’s what I thought, but this is beyond magic.  So, like I said, we’ve done this before. Became friends, grew up, solved mysteries, and then I died.”

Scooby crawled into his lap and his friends were rendered speechless.

“I didn’t stay dead,” Shaggy quickly added. “I just remember wanting to stay with you guys more and...everything started again. We were kids, we grew up, we solved mysteries. Things were a little different though. Our families, the world itself. And it happened again and again. It was like reincarnation, only across different versions of Earth and we were always together. Some were pretty great others...not so much. You never remembered, but it was okay. We were together. Then,” He looked down. “Like two or three lifetimes ago I starting feeling not so great. And things seemed to be getting weird, like the world was more malleable or something. But I didn’t really have anyone to go to, not till this lifetime. I figured I’d track down Vincent after graduation, but I ran out of time.” He looked at the wizard, as if passing the story off to him. “While I disapprove of Shaggy waiting this long to get help, as he apparently met other magical versions of me and said nothing, I was able to determine what had happened. And it’s very unprecedented.” Vincent took over. “Shaggy mentioned the worlds you were reincarnated were different. From what I surmise, you’ve been reincarnating across the multiverse, and the multiverse itself is key to what been going on.”

“Go on,” said Velma in a tense tone.

“The multiverse is truly infinite, new worlds are brought into existence, with their own magics and physics. And each time a new world comes into existence a new deity is created with it. In order for said deity to truly understand their purpose they’re incarnated as a mortal to live out a life in another reality before ascending and taking their place. It has happened countless times before and will happen countless times again. But only once has said deity lived their mortal life and, instead of ascending, forced himself into reincarnation, dragging four mortal souls along with him.”

“Wait.” Fred interrupted. “Wait wait wait wait. You’re telling us that Shaggy is a...a god?”

“A nascent one, like a chick in an egg.” Vincent confirmed. “Albeit one that has put off hatching for what would seem to amount to centuries. While over time his power has grown, spilling out around him, the shell -so to speak- has not gotten any smaller.”

“I believe your exact words were ‘My power has become too vast for this flesh vessel to contain’.” Shaggy quoted.

“And you had no idea what I meant when I said it, so I was trying to be more clear.” Vincent shot back. “But the long and short of it is: Shaggy’s power is killing him. He doesn’t have much time left.”

“But you said he’s a god! If he’s immortal how can he die?” Fred asked, distraught. He needed to fix this, how could he fix this?

“His body isn’t.” Velma said in realization. “God soul, mortal body. The chick has gotten too big and it’s breaking through the egg. It’s going to-” She cut off as she realized what was happening. What always happened when too much pressure was put in a vessel unable to contain it. No wonder he said the hospital would be traumatized; he wasn’t just going to die -he was going to explode.

“Still, we’re not going to let you die that easily, Norville!” Daphne sounded close to snapping. “If the problems that you have too much energy, then let us share your power. We’ve been together over several lifetimes and we’re not leaving you now.”

“Apparently you’d all need to, like, marry me intergalactically.” Vincent had tried to explain it to his a number of times before they’d settled on that.

“Heck yes!” “Yeah, sure.” “Alright”

Shaggy blinked in surprise, a blush spreading over his cheeks. There had been no hesitation, even joy. “Really?”

“Honestly, even if your life didn’t depend on it, it feels good. It feels right.” Fred shrugged.

“I don’t remember the past lives we lived together, but when we met in this one I knew on sight that you guys were the most important people I would even meet and that I belonged with you.” Daphne explained.

“I don’t like this business with magic, past lives, and god souls, but honestly same.” Velma shrugged a bit uncomfortably. “All of you are so important to me. I don’t understand how a wedding is going to save you, but I’d be happy to marry you, all of you, even without such a need.”

“You guys...you can’t…” Shaggy shook his head. “I stole your souls from your home reality because I was too selfish to let you go.” Sure he didn’t understand what he was doing, but he had done it. “You guys were totally supposed to go to heaven, get the whole eternal reward thing and I just kept dragging you away. If you do this, there’s no afterlife ever. No reunion with lost loved ones. Just eternity as an immortal. This is, like, really really permanent. I can’t take that from you again.”

“This is not a simple wedding. It is a joining of selves, allowing his divinity to spill into your soul.” Vincent explained. “It will allow him to survive to the natural end of this lifetime, but either way this is the end of the cycles. Whether it is today or many years down the line, Shaggy can no longer put off his ascension. He’s only managed this long because his bond with Scooby Doo had already acted as a siphon. But if you accept, the divinity will change you, even in this lifetime. You’ll be different, and when you die you’ll ascend with him, forever separated from this and every other world you’ve ever called home. A ‘divorce’, so to speak, would shred both of your souls. Hera would have ditched Zeus ages ago otherwise.”

“TODAY!!!” Daphne shrieked. “Shaggy’s going to die today?!?!”

“Shaggy is not going to die, because we are going to marry him and live out our lives here before going to do God stuff.” Fred crossed his arms as if daring Shaggy or Vincent to argue. “You can’t,” Shaggy said weakly. “I stole you. It’s not right.”

“Shaggy, would you say we deserve to be happy?” Velma asked.

“Like, of course!” How could she think otherwise?

“We’ll, you’re my happiness, along with Fred and Daphne, so I’ve got two words for you.” She looked him in the eye. “I do.” Velma leaned down and gave him a long deep kiss.

There was a sudden flare of near blinding blue light that seemed to emanate from Shaggy before it flowed through the kiss into Velma. She broke the kiss, laughing almost giddily. “Oh wow. That is a feeling.”

Shaggy seemed to be struggling to catch his breath, but on the whole, looked healthier than he’d been since they got here. “Like, yeah.” was all he could add, dumbstruck.

Fred and Daphne shared a look and nodded. Fred leaned over the wheelchair while Daphne scooped Velma up in her arms. “I do,” they both said together, giving their loved ones the same kiss Velma had before.The blue light flaring in both Shaggy and Velma and spreading to the other two. They then switched partners, and then came together, affirming and reaffirming their love.

“Raggy?” Scooby asked, looking up at his best friend.

Shaggy always knew what Scooby meant. He hadn’t said anything, after all. Scooby was asking if he accepted it. Accepted his dearest ones’ love and promise to be with him, to even give up being human for him. And it was selfish, but…

“I do! I do! I do!” Shaggy leapt from the wheelchair, no longer needing its aid. He grabbed the three of them, his dearest friends, now and forever his spouses. He had only wanted a chance to explain and say goodbye. But they had stayed with him. They had saved him and even loved him.

The blue divine light flowed freely from all of them, even Scooby. It wasn’t a flare of power, but a manifestation of pure happiness.

Wherever they were in the multiverse, as long as they were together, it was home.

[arkus-rhapsode]

Rhapsode Reacts: RWBY Volume 3

Hey guys, Rhapsode here. So I’ve been on the record numerous times saying I haven’t watched the internet series RWBY. I haven’t. However, I have a rather close mutual @remnantoforario who tells me about most of the series and characters. Seriously, I basically have experienced the plot through osmosis. Now me and remnant work on a lot of fanfiction stuff and general discussions of video games and manga. And highly suggest anyone who wants a more in depth look at RWBY to please check him out. He’s great.

Now due to the fact he has basically told me the series up this point, its kinda been a bit frustrating when I forget something and ask him to reiterate. So I decided to knuckle down and watch some of the series.

I helped remnant get a non RWBY fan opinion, by basically live-blogging him in our PMs. And I thought I had some level of humorous reactions and Remnant had some witty observations to my reactions.

Anyway, if you didn’t catch it the first time, I must repeat, I’m not coming at this from the perspective of a fan. I have very little emotional or personal enjoyment going in the series up to this point. If I say something that offends you as a fan, I’m sorry in advance.

With that out of the way, let’s dive in:

Oh that’s a sweet scene of Ruby at her mother’s grave.

Why would you start Team RWBY’s preliminary fight in the middle of it?

the Vytal Festival feels like it should be reversed: you should start with 1, then go to 2, then for your finals, 4. Or just do a solid 4 v 4 all tournament

Remnantoforario: I dont know what the purpose of the tournament is, or why anyone would want to participate. There is no prize 

Me: Bragging rights I guess. But the whole point of the festival is to celebrate peace. Lets celebrate piece with a bunch of kids beating each other up .

Ruby has a line of "we did it?" like she was surprised. Was that a concern? 

Like I understand the festival has been built up since the second volume, but there's a reason most good tournament arcs ease you into the first round. Its to reaffirm character motivation and actually show you what a fight would look like 

  I do appreciate some of the “show don't tell” moments like the one girl using a heat crystal in her skate board to free her teammate

But usually even if the first round is jobbers, they're at least presented as a threat. I never really got that. The tide seemed more and Rwby's favor, but I can't tell if that was always the case because we started in the middle of the fight

the pacing just feels like you can't handle the story, so it wants to get to the fight scenes to keep your attention 

Emerald is actually really funny, holy shit 

“How can they be so happy?” And “It’s the heiress and the bimbo” 

Still Weiss and Yang, better savor this duo while I can 

Neo’s gothic Lolita is cute. Though I feel like their match should’ve gotten a focus 

Like I mean not an episode but if they started with the instant eliminations of 1v1, I could easily see this cool intro of Rwby has met Emerald, Mercury, and Cinder, but then is shocked at who this fourth member even is 

OK I feel like the scene with Rwby and JNPR should’ve happened before the first round.  Given Nora’s rant would actually tie to Ruby’s whole “we won?” Surprise

“Cinder: Even if you know how the story ends that doesn’t make it any less fun to watch.” I’d agree with you if you know the story wasn’t Rwby. And it’s not really that fun to watch a bunch of fighting with no weight.

OK team JNPR vs team BRNZ is actually a much better introduction to the tournament than Rwby vs Abrn

We actually see how the field is chosen and we actually get some genuine strategy and coordination. And before all this we actually get some motivation about how the characters feel going into this battle

Me: OK why are these not the protagonists and why was this not episode one?

Remnantoforario: questions for the writers 

I got admit I’m not very much of a fan of melee weapons that also turn into guns and just kind of makes the purpose of melee fighters and ranged fighters pointless 

Logically it makes sense that if you’re making a weapon you do want it to have multiple functionality but at the same time it kind of makes a lot of that fighting less fun 

I mean what do you want to see more a team complete each other or just one person who can just do everything with the right weapon?

  Ehh OK the team meeting joke is running a tad too long

Okay, that was what I was mentioning before... Just cut out Nora with missiles. I feels more like a give and take as well as more unique to have that moment with her slamming on the ground 

“Crow Bar.” Oh you go to the corner for that pun.

OK that joke with Weiss and telling Indigo to beat up Neptune was timed and delivered really bad 

Also port makes a point that Sun is from Vacuo. Wouldn’t it be interesting if the leader or any membr of Indigo actually did know Sun from Vacuo?

I say that because no member of team Indigo has said anything, and it would at least add something unique to this fight

OK I have to bring up the weird use of western cartoon comedy

Neptune running up the mountain it’s super speed is kind of funny but this is also a fight I’m supposed to take seriously 

Nora and Ruby kind of get away with it given their powers but Neptune just ran up a mountain like it was nothing

What is the tone here?

Sage went out like a bitch 

you know if you wanted to eliminate someone to make me feel for this team being in trouble why didn’t you just eliminate Neptune? 

OK scarlet’s scene actually really works 

That nut joke didn’t. Again, tone? 

Me: Why would you sacrifice the two characters we don’t know anything about just to do Neptunes stupid joke?

Remnant: COMEDY 

OK this fight was bad 

Me: I get the idea indigo was a bunch of jobbers so you decided to play the comedy angle. OK, well then tone down the serious rock music, turn down the cartoon physics

Remnant: For reference. That was a post Monty fight 

I agree with Qrow, that was a mess

okay introduction to Winter is pretty good. Shame we don't really get that "Novice victory" vibe from their fight. Maybe if it last for more than 8 minutes and didn't start from the middle... 

okay see, I don't mid Winter and Qrow having a fight in the middle of the square as it helps serve as an introduction to the characters and flexes their strength

though Im also starting to notice something else that bugs me in the fights, no banter or introspection or comments

its just fight moves 

like there's times that's god, DBZ did it tons of times when its just Goku making "Hiyah" noises but there was still a bit of time to get in a line that both broke up the action and highlighted how two characters felt or through thought was able to give us a peek into their head

watching rwby fights makes me think, "This be better as a video game" 

so... does no woman in this world wear a bra? 

 Ironwood: “If you were one of my men, I'd have you shot!”

Okay, that can't be legal

Ironwood is kinda becoming my favorite character 

He's a flawed human being, and the narrative shows that, but it also shows he has a point 

Okay, yeah I see what you mean, all this Fall stuff is happening in the background which is nice, but there's no real plot with the tournament 

Okay Mercury and Emerald vs Coco and Yatsuhashi is actually really good 

not much character, but its actually more intimidating seeing how strong these two are. Wish the music had a bit more ambiance 

Okay, that's an interesting plot point. Qrow explaining how beating one high profile criminal hasn't stopped crime. And the fact there is zero crime is concerning and relating it back to Ironwood

Wow, its almost when you just slow down and lt characters breath and talk to each other and have them be characters without shoving in a fight scene, its pretty good

Why is team Cardin fighting a non faunus team? Feels like a waste of characters 

disappointing that Ciel doesn't know Penny is a robot

mainly because the way its queued up with Ciel seemed like she was only spending time with Penny because ordered and her attention to the schedule makes it seem like she is a soldier just having to play dress up for the robot to make it comfortable 

Me: Wow Weiss's heels...  Never noticed them. I just thought they were boots

Remnant: Nope heels 

Also Neon and Flynt actually have a pretty good intro 

We know what Atlas is like seeing Winter and Ironwood, so Neon and Flynt make an interesting and immediate contrast

And it feels like there is something riding on our opponents side given Flynts history with the Schnee. Which makes him stand out from the other jobbers

And Neon's intentionally irritating personality actually is more character displayed by any other opponent character

I actually really like the OST in the fight too. This might be my favorite action scene 

Flynt actually has a really cool semblance too 

oh wow, some actual dread with Weiss getting eliminated 

Imma let you get away with that Hulk reference Port

I like how Yang beat Flynt, but if I was gonna beat Neon, I'd have Yang punch the ground and through her off balance 

Haha Ironwood doesn't have a heart, I get it, he's tin man 

least they didn't go with Ozpin saying Qrow doesn't have a brain 

Me: So... If Pyrrha is all these things, why aren't we following her team?

So abridged version of the four seasons story Four random chicks find a guy camped out in his house, be nice to him and he gives them super powers. If I were a kid being told that, I’d demand another story 

Pyrrha: like a semblance?

Oz: Like magic!

Me: Like a semblance

Qrow is right, this selection is stupid 

You’re keeping a woman in your basement in cryogenic suspension. Oz you and Rhea need to share notes 

Oh god... Adam. You can’t act

Adam seems already psychopathic Or maybe that’s just his acting

So this is the famous Yang punching Mercury... It works I guess

Actually getting a chance to see some Jaune and Pyrrha moments in v3 and it’s good 

Me: Velvet is British? Huh... never predicted that 

Remnant: Australian 

How can Ruby notice Emerald all the way across the arena? Actually wait she’s the only one not in a black uniform 

Why did they leave Mercury behind where anyone could find him? 

And Penny is dead and I do not care at this point

Cinder’s little speech is the first time I’m actually feeling like I’m getting a villain motivation out of her 

She talks about how Oz and the headmasters are just men capable of making mistakes But she’s someone who would embrace and all powerful godly being. Though that seems and odds with the presumed motive that she’s working with Salem to potentially kill the brother gods

Okay, Blake and Weiss have a pretty good scene when all hell was breaking loose 

Ruby versus the big ass bird was actually pretty cool and the scene of everyone’s lockers being what puts it down is really clever 

Oh really cool scene of Port and Oobleck. Hey the fall is turning out pretty decent

Ironwood killing the wolf was pretty good 

Roman is a breath of fresh air as a villain. And it’s namely his acting 

You know I feel like you could let the more tertiary characters fight the robots while Weiss and Blake fight WF 

OK I repeat this is just become a video game. Giant dragon that spawns mini monsters in a destroyed town 

The spectacle fighting actually really works when your opponents are mindless and faceless brutes

You have Adam in a school full of terrified people, why aren’t you showing his nuance by showing he won’t hurt Faunus staff and is giving them an out? 

Velvet’s scene be cool if it was powers she was mimicking. Looking at a lot of weapons really doesn’t do much for me.

That said, this could work if she ended up copying the mech and fighting against it

Okay I feel like Weiss finally being able to summon something should’ve been done with a lot more gravitas

And Sun proceeds to be the best male character 

Neo is fucking beast. Y’know what, let her be final boss

Now I just have this image of Neo flying through the air with a sign reading “I’m Mary Poppins, Y’all”

Wow, Roman went out like a bitch 

Like zero build up just dead. And his replacement is Adam... There is no justice 

Ironwood: someone has done the unthinkable and taken control of my machines!

Watts: What? Like it’s hard? 

Blake and Yang holding hands on the ground after Yang lost an arm. Yeah that’s pretty shippy 

Also, I feel like the animation really limits a lot of the characters expressions. Like the time Ruby spent dwelling on her sister being mutilated is well timed. But usually a lot of the emotional devastation comes down to the expression.

a lot of faces seem stiff in transition expressions. Or they have this doll like quality 

The most expressive person seems to be Emerald 

Pyrrha and Jaune’s kiss is actually really tender 

Me: Okay how the hell is Cinder’s dress still managing to cover her loins? 

Remnant: maiden magic.

And Pyrrha died 

Are you done with the whole line of do you believe in destiny was fine Personally I would’ve also accepted the Ted Kord response, Rot in Hell.

Ruby went super saiyan 

Tai being the first person Ruby sees is nice 

Yang’s bitterness works here. Though given how I wasn’t feeling too much of the sisterly bond between the two, it’s probably not as hard hitting as they wanted 

Salem’s introduction isn’t bad 

so after watching V3. my final opinion is meh 

Strikes me as they wanted to the fall, and the tournament was just a lot of window dressing. Because the stuff with the Fall is the best part, but everything else has felt dull and fillery.

Maybe I’ll do this for the next season of a series I binge. But till next time, take care.

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 1: The Note Dawdling Tension Plays (Part 1)

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2009, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

CHEL: Here we see the first page, and are introduced to our protagonist, ZOOSMELL POOPLORD! Sorry, I mean John Egbert. The joke names used as a running gag, and also the actual names which end up applied to the characters, were the suggestions of the players of the original forum game.

BRIGHT: Homestuck does start out strongly in several ways. It immediately establishes the protagonist and location. It sets the tone it will use, one based heavily on a text adventure computer game. It introduces the reader to the inventory system...

And here the first feature of Homestuck becomes apparent: although a hugely popular and widely known webcomic, it is very slow to get going. The new reader who arrives on the recommendation of others ends up scratching their head and wondering if they’re in the right place.

TIER: In ancient times (so somewhere in 2014/15) I actually attempted to read Homestuck to see what the occasional weird noises the name caused were going on about. I'm very certain that I didn't even make it to meeting any of the other kids I was so bored.

CHEL: Same here. It took me two or three attempts to get to that point. The problem is that the intro is left over from its days as a forum game, in which no one was expecting it to lead into the epic story it became. It worked great for that format, but less well now. And here we start on our first counts.

GET ON WITH IT!: 1 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 2

How Not to Write a Novel lists multiple errors which could be said to apply here:

The Waiting Room - wherein the story is too long delayed Here the writer churns out endless scenes establishing background information with no main story in sight. On chapter 3, the reader still has no idea why it’s important to know about [the background info, in this case how badly John fails at using technology]. By chapter 7, the reader would be having strong suspicions that it isn’t important, were a reader ever to make it as far as chapter 7. Zeno’s Manuscript - in which irrelevant detail delays narrative momentum Any scene can be killed by description of every meaningless component of whatever action the character undertakes. As in Zeno’s Paradox, in which an arrow never reaches its target because it must always travel half the remaining distance, the reader begins to feel as if the end is further and further away.

A comic about a kid failing to master a video game inventory system is mildly amusing once, but not when it drags on this long, and it’s not particularly fitting for an epic adventure involving the fate of universes. Well, that’s not quite fair; introduction to mundane life and slow revelation of the magical goings-on works fine for books like the Harry Potter series. But, to take Philosopher’s Stone as an example, multiple different odd things happen over the course of Uncle Vernon’s regular boring day, increasing in scale until it’s very clear something strange is going on, and establishing multiple aspects of the wizarding world, e.g. owls, their fashion, the existence and disappearance of a mysterious villain, the fact that the wizarding world is supposed to be secret.

John fucking about with his sylladex and putting up movie posters for page after page doesn’t tell us anything new. Failing to use the sylladex once would be enough to get the point that magical video game inventories are a thing in this world and John’s not very good at using them across, and then we really ought to move on, and we can already see the posters on his walls so we don’t need to see him hanging more. Possibly we could have needed the latter in a purely text format where we couldn’t see the walls, or in a comic without text description at the bottom where attention would need to be drawn to them on-panel. Admittedly, it does establish him picking up the hammer, which becomes relevant, but we don’t need a full page each for both the action of him picking up the hammer and the action of him hanging the poster.

… Who hangs a poster with nails, anyway? His walls must be in a hell of a state.

For that matter, that’s another HNTWAN entry or two:

The Second Argument in the Laundromat - a scene which occurs twice NEVER use two scenes to establish the same thing. We do not, under any circumstances, want a series of scenes in which the hero goes to job interviews but fails to get the job, or has a series of unsuccessful dates to illustrate bad luck in love. This works in the movies, where three scenes can pass in thirty seconds, but not in a novel. The Redundant Tautology - wherein the author repeats himself If you have made a point in one way, resist the temptation to reinforce it by making it again. Do not reexpress it in more flowery terms, and do not have the character reaffirm it in dialogue […] This point is worth repeating; don’t reiterate. HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 4

Additionally, people with a lower tolerance for “lovable clumsy dork” characters are going to come to hate John before the comic’s even started, though it’s probably best that people who are going to hate the main character learn that quickly so they can leave. I can understand not wanting to lose the forum game which originally spawned the comic, the other people involved would probably not be pleased, but perhaps it would be better saved as a side story and trimmed down when the comic proper was released. At least they could be compressed down by showing multiple failures and multiple poster-hanging actions on single pages.

One other minor gripe might be the neologisms, such as “sylladex” meaning inventory. I found it fairly easy to pick up and it does make the tone and narration nicely distinctive, but it’s a level of extra complication. How Not to Write a Novel has a couple points on excessively baroque wordplay - do you guys think it’s worth giving it a point for that?

BRIGHT: Possibly not in this case - wordplay is a feature of HS and this one is at least made fairly clear. There are plenty of offenders later on as I recall though...

CHEL: Okay, seems fair. In this case it is more of a feature than a bug. It does establish the narrative voice and add to the video game theme. However, the movie posters also bring up an addition to our third count.

Plus, a black president? Now you’ve seen everything! WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 1

A reference to the song “White Suburb Impressionism”, by IAMX…

"IAMX - 'White Suburb Impressionism" (Watch on YouTube)

… this count goes up whenever characters behave in a way which suggests they’re, well, white and suburban (or wealthier), despite any attempts to present them otherwise. This would have passed without comment, but Hussie later tried to claim he’d always intended the kids to be “aracial”, so any reader could project themselves or their preferred headcanons onto the kids. As we’ll show you, we don’t believe him, or at least don’t believe he succeeded. That would probably be difficult to pull off, anyway. Race affects a lot more than features on a stylised sprite.

FAILURE ARTIST: Now, I can’t quite put my finger on it but John’s and Dave’s opinion on black presidents in movies (that it’s a gimmick ruined by Obama’s election) feels like something that would only come out of a white mouth i.e. Andrew Hussie’s. Not the most egregious case of implied whiteness but still worth noting.

CHEL: The point of the joke here is not 100% clear, and that’ll be a thing which comes up later as well. See, I agree that’s Dave’s opinion, but I thought the point was that John genuinely didn’t know there was a black president at the time of writing because he’s already been established to be not exactly a genius and so far he’s been focused on movies and video games instead of real life. Maybe I’m underestimating him, though, since admittedly not very much of him has been shown at this point and it’s been a while since I read the whole thing. I’m not going to start using the ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY count here, though, because here Hussie clearly was trying to be funny. It just isn’t clear to me what about it was supposed to be funny. That’s probably my autism talking, though. Jokes are hard. I agree that it sounds like a white kid’s opinion either way - even the dimmest black American kid would know Obama existed, and so most likely would non-black people of colour.

Anyway! Things pick up a bit when John, under the username ectoBiologist, starts chatting to the second character to be introduced, currently known as turntechGodhead, though the second topic of conversation is a reference to a 1989 movie which, as time goes on, will be familiar to fewer and fewer readers. Luckily, the writer realises this, and the content of the conversation makes the reference sufficiently clear without falling into As You Know dialogue.

FAILURE ARTIST: Namely, their conversation is about a scene where - pardon me for being gross but it’s in the comic - a character accidentally ingests urine instead of apple juice. John and TG are surprised the character knew it was urine but I find it weird that someone with working smell would not know what it is. Urine has a distinct odor.

CHEL: Well, be fair. According to the drawings, the characters in question don’t have noses!

FAILURE ARTIST: On a more pertinent note, this conversation is an edited version of one Hussie and a friend had. Perhaps Hussie was TG? TG is practically an Author Avatar for Hussie. Sure, Hussie literally appears in the comic later, but TG seems to fit his true personality better. We’ll see how that affects things for better or for worse.

BRIGHT: This is also the reader’s introduction to the Pesterlog. This is one of those things that seems like it should be out of place in a webcomic - it’s just a page of two people talking to each other in chatlog format, with no other information - but the Pesterlogs actually work surprisingly well.

FAILURE ARTIST: When I first read Homestuck, I didn’t know you had to click on the Pesterlog to open it. I just sat around wondering what amazing conversations they were having. I’m not the only one I think who made that mistake.

CHEL: Yeah, I think I briefly had the same problem, but I don’t remember for sure. Possibly more attention could be drawn to the button.

TIER: I would've probably ended up in the same boat if the friends that recommended I read Homestuck didn't specifically tell me not to accidentally overlook them!

CHEL: That’s not exactly a writing error, so I’m not sure it falls under our jurisdiction, but it’s a point that ought to be brought up. The Pesterlogs do work well once the reader actually sees them, anyway. It’s actually pretty interesting to see how much information can be conveyed in a conversation without falling into As You Know Bob. Let’s check what points are introduced in this first one, for example:

- John really loves what he got for his birthday, a Little Monsters poster. From this we know he’s not spoiled (this is how you do it, Meyer) and easily entertained, and likely has a good home life, as he’s so happy and grateful about a gift from his dad.

-turntechGodhead has apple juice in his closet. This establishes his odd home life, and gets explained in more detail later.

- Some things about the personalities of both kids. John is enthusiastic and a joker, TG is mellower, sarcastic, rambles a bit, and at least plays at being cool.

- John really wants to play the SBURB Beta, a game mentioned earlier which is late being released. TG is less keen, again trying to be cool about it.

- Said game got “slammed” by critics, despite the fact that we learned earlier from John’s SBURB-logo calendar that this game has been hyped to hell and back and must be popular, with merchandise and reviews being released before even the beta version of the game is out. Something weird is going on; someone really wants a lot of people to play this game.

Not bad considering a total lack of body language reference or narration. Das Sporking’s seen authors using traditional narration do worse!

FAILURE ARTIST: The (adult) critics of Game Bro get into shenanigans that prevent them from playing the game they reviewed. Perhaps there’s something in the game that prevents itself from being played by adults, just like how adults can’t pilot Evangelions in the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion.

CHEL: Not sure. Doesn’t one of Dad’s online friends play it, or at least get caught up in it, later on? Though that part’s obviously supposed to be a joke… Maybe instead it’s a built-in way to stop anyone who might be listened to warning others what it does?

As established earlier, said beta is late; this is a reference to the originally planned launch date of the comic, three days before it actually ended up being released. Also, there’s a pun you may have missed in the background. The programming files on John’s desktop include the phrase “^CAKE”. The ^ symbol is called a carot. Get used to noticing those. It’s pretty amazing how many references, self-references, puns, and recurring themes are worked in, and people such as revolutionaryduelist have made semi-careers picking them all out. We won’t bother with all of them or we’ll be here all century, but we’ll pick up on any obvious ones.

FAILURE ARTIST: Hussie majored in computer science so there’s lot of computer science in-jokes in the beginning.

BRIGHT: Something I just noticed: One of the other files on John’s desktop is ‘TYPHEUS’. It even has a Denizen icon! Probably something that has been brought up plenty of times before, but still nifty on a reread.

CHEL: Typheus and Denizens will come up later in the comic.

TIER: When he feels like it, Hussie is immensely good at foreshadowing later events in pretty subtle but solid ways. It's stuff like this that makes times when he does fumble look worse than they probably are in comparison.

[ruwithmeguys]

Arrow Season 7 wishlist

I had a season 6 wish-list: about half of them came true.. Sadly, the rest didn’t and there were some really juicy ones.

In no particular order... (I’ll add to this as I go and please be assured; anything I say about characters relates in no way to the actors who portray them)

1) One of he NTA needs to go...

Okay, so this is a dark thought; especially to start off with. But they did this. The writers/creators/producers/executives; they screwed with characters many of us were warming to or flat out loved and forgot how loyal we are to OTA regardless. They FORGOT. I mean, I was very sure they were more attune to their audience than that and we were clearly wrong.

But not in every way. They got a lot right. I’m not holding a grudge; there’s no point. I... have no interest in Rene beyond Zoe, I do NOT like Curtis and Dinah... she shows potential.

But they can’t come back from the clusterfuck of the civil war arc. They can only push forwards. I’m doing the same.

The problem is that, until the majority of us see serious growth, something to keep us/me interested, we’re going to stay in the ‘I don’t give a crap’ squad, which tells me that maybe - just maybe - something huge is going to occur in the first or second episode to make us all spit out our food/drink during the airing of 7.01.

Unfortunately I couldn’t care less that Curtis has a boyfriend or that he’s working with Felicity. People who act likes dicks tend to get the good things in life. Granted he’s suffered: I understood Paul’s reason for divorcing him but his genuine desire to NOT fight for his marriage confused me. This and the fact that he seemed to just exist for a full season (5) made me feel reluctantly sympathetic. Especially when part of his literal reason for existence was to reunite Olicity who didn’t need his help but... that was his thing.

Now? Sympathetic? Not so much. He’s become a massive juvenile, callous and selfish hypocrite that makes us all question his existence on the show. Even his fans.

However, as the sole homosexual character on the show with a love interest, they won’t kill him off. He has zero SL. He very literally has to be joined to Felicity’s, each time. The boyfriend is the only difference. I can’t ‘like’ this person. The man needs to learn humility. He’s become unnecessary enough that he wasn’t even present in the trailer: the ONLY character who wasn’t in it. That’s a bold neon light on the truth right there. Being a judgemental ass is a bad look. 

I don’t have blind faith in Beth but I very much love everything she’s said about S7 so far. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt THROUGHOUT the season. She’s already proven a better spokeswoman. It’s all good.

Dinah... there’s potential here. Now that she’s finally stepped off her high horse, I’m hoping Oliver’s incarceration will make her question her own horrible choices and what it REALLY means to be a masked vigilante, because she clearly didn’t know in S6. Thankfully, shes actually mentioned this. I don’t need a LI for her this season; that fell flat. Right now, I need her to find purpose that doesn’t make her a hypocritical ‘insert expletive’. 

(I’m a huge fan of love interests occurring when we least expect it: two people that shouldn't fit but do, which is part of the essence of Olicity)

Leaving the civil war arc behind, I still kind of like her. I WANT to like her again. 

Oliver went to prison for them all; surely that should change them all?

She, Rene, Curtis; they have no idea what true heroism means. They’re only in their second/third seasons and they still haven’t been through anything to close to one year of Oliver Queen’s life. 

I’d like to see her find this. And I’d like to see her change and accept responsibility for who she’s chosen to be. It would provide a nice mirror to BS’s viewpoint and actions in season 6.

But Rene... this one is dicey. While he made more headway than the other two, I felt it was partly undeserved. If he wasn’t obnoxious, he was confusing. When eh apologised, he managed to add in a few insults. That kind of, you know... nullifies the apology. But he got away with it. His ‘Hoss’ and ‘Blondie’ have gone dry. Over-dry. His zero care about going against Oliver on trial made his defence fall flat, even when Oliver showed distrust. The only time I liked him, was when he was with Zoe.

If any of them get killed, it will be Rene. I’m not saying it will happen; but IF it does, it’ll be Rene. 

So either... kill Rene or change all of them, because honestly at this point, most of us aren’t here for them.

2) If Felicity isn’t allowed friends, can we get a couple of scenes between her and Dinah or Lyla or both that aren’t all based on their night lives. Give me a few heartfelt moments. Give me something real to believe. Friendship is built; it doesn’t just exist because the writers tell us it does. Show not tell. A mistake made with LL in season 4. 

3) Reunion sex for Oliver and Felicity because, damn if they’ve been deprived. And, why not? I mean, chuck in some hot argument sex, some poignant love affirming sex, some flirty flirt sex, some nude shower scene sex, some epic love reaffirmations; go for it!

They've been put through shit; some of it because of friends. If even ONE friend cock-blocks them, this includes Diggle, they’re on my shit-list.

4) Give Oliver the agency he needs during this prison arc; let us see the process of him falling back into that dark place he started in, S1. Let us see him crawl back upwards without Felicity’s help. 

We know, thanks to Stephen, that Oliver has - in the 5 months since has incarceration - realised his choice was a ‘fucking bad choice’ in terms of what it’s done to Felicity and William. In fact I’d go out on the limb and say he knew that immediately when he got in the cell judging by the dead look in his eyes.

So let’s see him escape prison because this is BEGGING for a break out, and let us see him go to his family, because you know part of the reason he breaks out will be because of THEM. Because he HAS to. Because he’s needed.

Let’s see him and Felicity heal this forced separation, which was, at part, due to him. It was selfless, because he didn’t WANT to. He did it because he thought it was the right thing to do. He’s going to regret it and it’ll hurt to watch in all the best ways.

5) I’d enjoy a scene between Diggle and Felicity which focuses on him being there for her and mentioning that he wasn’t last season.

I’m sorry. I love Dig. But if he’d been there, Oliver might not have gone off on his own.

6) Given that this is a season about redemption, then can all characters be included?

Why? Well...

The theme redemption doesn’t just mean characters finding it, it means characters failing to reach it. People who may realise that it isn’t for them, like BS possibly. Or people who try really hard but can’t and are left devoid.

It involves characters who don’t need redeeming: people like Felicity who, this time, is done with reacting and is going to be proactive. Who deserves nothing but the happiness that has been robbed from her as a woman and as a wife.

It means understanding that redemption isn’t always clear cut and can mean unusual realities occurring.

It means the city, who need to open their eyes to what one man, his wife and his best friend did for their city all these years.

7) Focusing.

I won’t lie: I’m biased, BUT. I’m not wrong when I say Olicity need to be focused on this season. I’m not talking A full season: and there will be plenty of focus apart before they’re together. 

I’m talking time to focus on them as a couple. Separate from them as parents and them as parents, them as friends to others.

This is a normal thing: for a show to focus on a couple that has been put through the mill. I’m guaranteeing it won’t be a lot. 

I do think it will be more than you expect.

I’m highlighting this for a reason. A lot the fandom are under the impression that they get sidelined: Olicity are given quite a bit more screen-time than we think. But some of us notice the lack of other things happening so, those people, rely on more Olicity in order to forget that. Episodes 6.13 - 6.15 come to mind.

Like it or not, they were focused on in season 6. I know Felicity had little story and Oliver was sidelined several times but, sometimes that happens (it happens quite a bit in Felicity’s case). Doesn’t mean we won’r get what Oliver and Felicity NEED in season 7 and onward.

 8) Felicity

I never needed Smoak Tech. 

I just want her to be INVOLVED.

The fact that she’s a) in protective custody living under a different name and looking after William and b) in contact and in actual scenes with Watson, getting more and more INVOLVED (I like this word) with the law whilst committing crime like the ultimate paragon for getting shit done and for being the backbone of (Oliver) heroism in the city and a paradox (a very good person doing the right things by being a cyber badass and vigilante hacker) makes me feel like I’m going to enjoy season 7 already. 

Then we’ll get a prison breakout. Olicity reuniting. Olicity re-acquainting Themistocles with each other through touch, words, sex etc. Re-finding what it means to be a vigilante in eyes of the public will be just as much her mission as Oliver’s.

9) Paying homage

Let’s have tribute to everything Oliver, Felicity and Diggle have done for the past 6 seasons. We’ve had focus on Tommy, on Robert, Moira and LL. They died: none of them needed to.

Robert died to save his son.

Tommy died to save the woman he loved.

Moira died to save her children.

Laurel died because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time and it was reaffirmed in season 6, that it was partly due to her lack of skill and experience, her incredible stubbornness to listen to anyone else’s logic, and her need to reach that high.

They all died, except LL, for love. And all of them had tribute paid to them, some more than others. 

But now that’s over so can due attention be given to what these three have sacrificed over the years? Can we have people see how much Oliver has given to the city, what Felicity has both lost and gone through, the time and effort and heart John has spent on their mission of three?

You don’t have to die to have people recognise the amazing good you’ve done. This isn’t the time of the Renaissance artist: let’s have a little respect paid to the OTA as separate people and as a team of three amazing heroes and as people who have loved each other in many different ways: team mates, partners, friends, family... lovers. Married soul mates. Brothers/comrades in arms.

Let’s have that moment that makes us all glad we’ve been watching for years, where the city, Rene/Dinah/Curtis and the law recognise them.

I’ll probably add to this list.

[lisbonsteresa]

Chelseaaaaaaa Am I stupid for missing Chidi and Eleanor together in the last episode? I feel like a year is so long for them not to be together, and I have no idea how they’ll even have time to get closer, just the two of them, in the next episodes. I love them so much and I miss them together, not only that, but I feel like Eleanor’s progress is hindered because her connection with Chidi isn’t as strong

Nonnieeeeee no you’re not at all stupid! I’ve seen a lot of chelenor shippers feeling disappointed with their romantic development this season, which is of course valid. We ended s2 with their Big Romantic Moment and now they’re back at square one in terms of shipping, so I totally get missing them in that sense. 

I don’t really know how much comfort I’d be in that department though, because I’m personally not too broken up about it myself. For me, the connection that Eleanor and Chidi have can be romantic, and I’ve loved seeing it develop romantically don’t get me wrong, but it’s not just a romantic connection, and I don’t need it to be romantic to enjoy it. Chidi and Eleanor are friends, they’re teammates, they’re partners, and they always help each other become better versions of themselves, and that’s the biggest thing for me - that’s what I mean when I say they’re soulmates. They are always there for each other, whether it’s romantic or not. 

And I think we’ve gotten a lot of little moments with them so far this season - nothing overtly romantic, but moments that show how good it is for them to have each other in their afterlives. I mean, Eleanor flew halfway around the world after watching one lecture from Chidi to ask for his help in being a better person. And Eleanor bursting into his office - and his life - set Chidi on a path to finally take a deeper look into his anxiety and try to figure it out; he couldn’t have done that without Eleanor, and he tells her as much. The whole of episode 3 reaffirmed how important their connection is to both of them honestly kind of to the detriment of developing any of the other character’s plots because they help guide each other down their best path. They’re each other’s flashlights; Chidi was the push, the instigator in Eleanor really going all-in on trying to improve, and since they’ve met she’s been the one continually pushing him to do things that are way outside his comfort zone but lead not only to his being happier, but also his development into the best version of himself. Their connection isn’t romantic at this point, and that’s ok, because it’s the connection itself that helps them grow.

[Also, tangental side note? I love SImone. I love her. She is insanely smart, she’s stunning, she’s funny, and she adds a new dynamic to the team - she’s been the person to pull the gp four back from falling into old habits more than once. And she makes Chidi happy. And she really cares - not only for him, but for all of the humans, and you can clearly tell it. I have no idea what her story line will be with the end of last week’s episode, but I would happily have a season with no major chelenor romance if it means we get more Simone.]

I have to say that I really don’t agree with your last point. I think Eleanor has progressed really far already this season, and what’s more I think her progress this season is……not more valid, but more honest, maybe, than her progress in the previous two. And I say that not because the progress she’s made before s3 didn’t matter, or wasn’t impressive, but because the progress she’s made at this point has been all her. 

The humans are back on Earth; they have no idea that their actions are being monitored and tallied up into ‘Good’ and ‘Bad’ columns - that’s the whole point of the agreement between Michael and Gen. Eleanor made huge strides in s1, but they came from a place of needing to progress in order to save her own skin. And s2 is a similar situation: she makes a lot of changes for the better, but they stem from trying to earn her way into the actual Good Place. And in both seasons she quickly moves past trying to save herself or prove herself, and she really starts to become a better person because of her connections with the rest of the team, but there’s no denying that there’s still external pressures, and, like last season’s finale said, there’s still that idea of ‘moral dessert’ - the entire finale still came down to the humans proving they had progressed enough to earn their reward.

S3 Eleanor doesn’t have those external pressures. She doesn’t have the metaphorical carrot on a stick of eternal rewards dangling in front of her. She decides she needs to become a better person all on her own, and she works towards it, on her own. And when it doesn’t work out like she planned, yes she backslides a bit, but then she talks to that weird bartender on her birthday and she watches three hours of a lecture given by this nerd in Australia and she starts to see that maybe she can be a better person, but she might need some help to get there. 

So she packs up all her stuff and hops on a plane and she meets said nerd, and then she meets his colleague/crush, and a name-dropping ex-socialite, and a slightly dopey dancer from Florida. And she spends time with these people and she gets to know them, and, unlike any other group or team she’s been a part of before, she starts to let them in. They have an entire year together, and it sucks that we didn’t get to see more of it, but we can tell from the bits we did get that she opens up to these people; she goes out to bars with them; she partakes in Christmas parties with them and even wears ridiculous headgear; she sings them Happy Birthday while holding a cake that she likely pitched in to help buy - she goes against everything she’s ever done when it comes to teams. She does everything she always said she hated the most when it came to being part of a group. And that’s a big deal for her - it’s presented kind of like everyone is just becoming friends, which they definitely are, but for someone like Eleanor, who shut herself off from forming deep connections with other people, who isolated herself and lashed out at people who tried to bond with her because she’s afraid of being rejected, who used that past rejection and pain to inform and influence every interaction she had since, becoming part of a group like this is a really big deal.

And we see how big of a deal it is for her in the last episode. Because suddenly this team - the only team she’s really felt she was a part of, the only team she let in enough to have it become a part of her life - is splintering. It’s breaking up and everyone is going their separate ways and she’ll be alone again. Just like she was before. Just like when she was the worst version of herself. And she does not handle it well. She has a backslide and she lashes out at everyone, because she has to protect herself again, because they can’t reject her if she rejects them first. 

But then Simone comes outside and sees her sulking in the bush with like three bottles of booze and a handful of cake, Eleanor please and what happens in their scene is further proof for me of how far Eleanor has come already this season. Because yes, Simone is the one who really spells everything out for her - and for the audience, but she does this because Eleanor asked her to. Eleanor asked Simone, almost point-blank, ‘is there something wrong with my brain? why do I act like this?’ hmm similarly to another member of the team we love a good parallel. And for me, her asking is a pretty clear indicator that she doesn’t want to act like this - that she regrets acting like that. She regrets hurting these people that she’s grown close to, which goes against the way she’s reacted to hurting almost anyone else in that sort of situation. She is scared; she doesn’t want to lose the first group she ever really felt like a part of, but she also doesn’t want to hurt them in order to try and keep them.

And then, taking it one step further, she goes back and apologizes to the others. Eleanor ‘you’re not better than me was my yearbook quote’ ‘never say you’re sorry, it’s not my fault that I punched you if you were talking during John Wick’ Shellstrop further opens herself up to these people and admits that she was in the wrong. She admits that she was scared to let them go and to be alone again, but she doesn’t justify her actions because of that, and she agrees to the team going their separate ways barring their annual reunion god I wanted to see them all in Jacksonville because she knows that will make them happy. Eleanor Shellstrop, whose defining trait throughout this entire show has been her selfishness, chooses to let her friends leave her; chooses to be alone again, because she wants them to do what makes them happy, even if they don’t do those things with her. Like…..shit.

(So that got away from me. TLDR: I think Eleanor has come the farthest in this season that she has in the entire show, and while Chidi still played a major part in her growth, the credit for her progress is hers and hers alone.)