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batmanisagatewaydrug · 1 month ago

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2025 book bingo time 📚

want a completely arbitrary set of reading goals for 2025? want to try something new in your literary diet but don't know where to start? just like a challenge for the sake of a challenge? just love a good game of bingo?

boy do I have something for you!

for anyone planning to participate, please know that I LOVE attention and talking about books, so I would be STOKED to be tagged on any and all updates about what you're reading or planning to read. I'm so, so excited to see all the different ways these prompts get filled, especially if and when they bring people away from the kinds of things they normally read. not to mention snag some new reading recs myself, hopefully!

and of course, I want to know whenever somebody gets a bingo - and ESPECIALLY if somebody fills the whole board! I don't have any prizes for you, but I can offer a sense of accomplishment :)

note that this is designed to be played as 1 book = 1 space, so even if you read, say, a fantasy graphic novel published in 1923 from an indie publisher that has a bat on the cover, you'd only cross off one space. I'm not a cop and I'm not in charge of what you read, so if it sparks more joy to check off multiple spaces per book then go nuts, but I am throwing that disclaimer out there.

EDIT: the 2025 book bingo challenge is now also on storygraph, thanks to @obi-wann-cannoli!

wondering what some of these spaces mean? seeking a couple recommendations to get you started? no idea what a zine even is, let alone how to make one? worry not! I have a guide to all 25 prompts, including recommendations + an example of what I'll be reading throughout the year to fulfill each space. read on beneath the cut!

Literary Fiction: I find that a lot of people are reluctant to check out literary fiction, as it’s often written off as not being about anything but adultery and divorce. If this is you, I implore you to take a chance, acknowledge that adultery and divorce are compelling sometimes, and also remember that lit fic has a lot more to offer than that. At Writer’s Digest, Michael Woodson describes literary fiction as “less of a genre than a category,” which “focuses on style, character, and theme over plot.” My recommendations include Raven Leilani’s Luster, Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, and Melissa Broder’s Milk Fed.

I’ll be reading: Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar

2. Short Story Collection: You know, a bunch of short stories together in one book? It doesn’t get much more self-explanatory than that. Could be a collection of stories by a single author or an anthology—it’s up to you! I recommend checking out Mariana Enríquez’s The Dangers of Smoking in Bed (translated by Megan McDowell), Nalo Hopkinson’s Falling in Love With Hominids, and Kim Fu’s Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century.

I’ll be reading: Your Utopia by Bora Chung and translated by Anton Hur

3. A Sequel: It could be one that you’ve been meaning to get around to, one that’s not releasing until 2025, or the sequel to something you read to cross off another space on this very bingo sheet!

I’ll be reading: Heavenly Tyrant by Xiran Jay Zhao, sequel to 2021’s Iron Widow

4. Childhood Favorite: Go back and read a book you loved as a child, tween, or teen! There’s no wrong answer here; anything from a YA novel to a picture book would be just lovely, and I can’t wait to see what people pick for this option! I’m not sure which of my old favorites I’ll be revisiting yet—should I go for the warm and fuzzy Casson Family series, or straight towards the mindfucky sci-fi of Interstellar Piggy? Or maybe I’ll go see how Artemis Fowl holds up...

5. 20th Century Speculative Fiction: For those not familiar with the term, speculative fiction can encapsulate science fiction, fantasy, and anything else that falls into the unreal. You’re spoiled for iconic choices here: the 20th century gave us Le Guin’s Left Hand of Darkness, Atwood’s Handmaid’s Tale, Butler’s Parable of the Sower and Kindred, L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time, the beginning of Pratchett’s Discworld series, Diana Wynne Jones’ Howls’ Moving Castle, and countless others.

I’ll be reading: Dawn by Octavia E. Butler, love of my literary life 💜

6. Fantasy: Fantasy comes in a thousand different shades, from contemporary urban wizards with day jobs at the office to high fantasy spellslingers chasing dragons away from castles. Some examples I’ve adored are N.K. Jemisin’s The Killing Moon, C.L. Polk’s Witchmark, Fonda Lee’s Jade City, and Nghi Vo’s Empress of Salt and Fortune.

I’ll be reading: The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty

7. Published Before 1950: This one could not be more straightforward if I tried. You have all of human history (or at least, all the parts that have surviving literature), just not the last 75 years. Dig deep!

I’ll be reading: Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier, published in 1938

8. Independent Publisher: Did you guys know that just five publishing companies (Penguin Random House, HarperCollins Publishers, Macmillan Publishers, Simon & Schuster, and Hachette Book Group) are responsible for 80% of books published in the US each year, and 25% of books globally? Break away from the big five and see what some small presses are putting out! If you need some ideas about where to start, check out this list of nearly 300 independent publishers with notes on what kind of books they put out!

I’ll be reading: Taiwan Travelogue by Yáng Shuāng-zǐ and translated by Lin King, from Graywolf Press

9. Graphic Novel/Comic Book/Manga: Despite my personal obsession with Batman, the world of comic books is sooo much wider than Gotham City—or anything else that DC and Marvel have to offer. If superheroes aren’t your speed, check out the Southern gothic of Carmen Maria Machado and Dani Strips’ comic The Low, Low Woods, splash around in Kat Leyh’s graphic novel Thirsty Mermaids, or stop waiting for a new season of Dungeon Meshi and go read Ryoko Kui’s manga, translated to English by Taylor Engel.

I’ll be reading: The Fade, by Aabria Iyengar and Mari Costa

10. Animal on the Cover: Yes, yes, don’t judge a book by its cover—but do go find one with a critter on the cover and give it a read! Absolutely no other requirements here, get silly with it.

I’ll be reading: Shark Heart by Emily Habeck

11. Set in a Country You Have Never Visited: Fiction or nonfiction, doesn’t matter so long as it gives you a little glimpse of a country you’ve never visited in real life. If you’ve somehow visited every country currently recognized in the world, then I guess you get to go read something set in space.

I’ll be reading: A Magical Girl Retires by Park Seolyeon and Kim Sanho, translated by Anton Hur

12. Science Fiction: A genre just as diverse as fantasy, with a little something for everybody! I recommend Becky Chambers’ Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet for those who want to kiss an alien in the stars and Jessamine Chan’s The School for Good Mothers for those who want a surveillance state dystopia that hits much closer to home.

I’ll be reading: Womb City by Tlotlo Tsamaase

13. 2025 Debut Author: Read a book by someone who’s releasing their first book in 2025. Fic or nonfic, any genre, no further requirements. Not quite a free space, but pretty close!

I’ll be reading: Liquid: A Love Story by Mariam Rahmani, coming out March 11

14. Memoir: Per Wikipedia, a memoir is “any nonfiction narrative writing based on the author’s personal memories.” Some are funny, some are heartbreaking, some are both! I recommend Carman Maria Machado’s In the Dream House and Roxane Gay’s Hunger, because I tend to lean heartbreaking!

I’ll be reading: Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner. Again, I like heartbreaking!

15. Read a Zine, Make a Zine: Not familiar with zines? No problem! Check out some of these digital archives for inspiration, and then craft your own zine with this simple guide (or do it your own way, I’m not in charge of you).

Internet Archives: https://archive.org/details/zines

Gay Zine Archive Project: https://gittings.qzap.org/

POC Zine Project: https://poczineproject.tumblr.com/

Library of Congress: https://www.loc.gov/collections/zine-web-archive/

16. Essay Collection: Like a short story collection, but it’s nonfiction now. Some of my favorites include Samantha Irby’s We Are Never Meeting in Real Life, Elaine Castillo’s How to Read Now, Aimee Nezhukhumatathil’s World of Wonders, and Cathy Park Hong’s Minor Feelings.

I’ll be reading: A Little Devil in America: In Praise of Black Performance by Hanif Abdurraqib

17. 2024 Award Winner: What award? Any award you like! And boy, there are tons to pick from. Any book that won any award in the year 2024 is free game. If you need some places to start looking, check out some of these:

Lambda Literary Awards, for excellence in LGBT literature: https://lambdaliterary.org/awards__trashed/2024-winners/

The Alex Awards, for adult books with crossover appeal for teen readers: https://www.ala.org/yalsa/alex-awards

Ignyte Awards, celebrating diversity in speculative fiction: https://ignyteawards.fiyahlitmag.com/2024-results/

Women's Prize for Fiction (self explanatory) https://womensprize.com/prizes/womens-prize-for-fiction/

Others: https://www.bookbrowse.com/awards/

I’ll be reading: Biography of X by Catherine Lacey, winner of the 2024 Lambda Literary Award for Lesbian Fiction

18. Nonfiction: Learn Something New: I know very little about archaeology, anthropology, or any other fields that involve studying ancient cities, but Annalee Newitz’s Four Lost Cities: A Secret History of the Urban Age was some of the most fun I had with nonfiction in 2024, because every page brought a brand new discovery. For 2025, find a nonfiction book about a topic you don’t know ANYTHING about, and learn something new!

I’ll be reading: Cooling the Tropics: Ice, Indigeneity, and Hawaiian Refreshment by Hi’ilei Julia Kawehipuaakahaopulani Hobart

19. Social Justice & Activism: Read a book about a social issue, the history of an activist movement, or brush up on a guiding philosophy or ideology. Arm yourself with knowledge, besties, because I have a feeling we’re going to need it! if you need a good place to start, why not try Angela Davis' Race, Women & Class, Mariame Kaba's We Do This 'Til We Free Us, or Molly Smith and Juno Mac's Revolting Prostitutes?

I’ll be reading: White Feminism: From Suffragettes to Influencers and Who They Leave Behind by Koa Beck

20. Romance Novel: Listen to me. Fucking listen to me. I mean a ROMANCE. NOVEL. Not a novel that incidentally has a romance in it. Romance novel, motherfucker. Go check out the romance section and have some whimsy as two people fall in love through the most contrived series of events ever conceived. If you really need a romance that makes you feel smart (that’s still sexy and messy as hell), try Akwaeke Emezi’s You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty.

I’ll be reading: Go Luck Yourself by Sara Raasche

21. Read and Make a Recipe: Could be a cookbook, could be a recipe you yoinked from the New York Times, could be something your grandparents lovingly wrote down by hand. Could be as complex or as simple as you like, just make something tasty! Some cookbooks I’ve enjoyed are Sohla El-Waylly’s Start Here, Dan Pashman’s Mission Impastable, and John Wang and Storm Garner’s The World Eats Here.

22. Horror: Slashers, zombies, haunted houses, creeping paranoia, you name it! It’s time to get spooky and scary with all kinds of things going bump in the night. Maybe this is the year to finally keep up with Dracula Daily? Not for me, I'm not doing that, but you could!

I’ll be reading: I Was A Teenage Slasher by Stephen Graham Jones

23. Published in the Aughts: A throwback, but not too far back. Read something published between 2000 and 2009. Maybe it’s time to finally get into Twilight? (For legal reasons, that’s a joke.)

I’ll be reading: The Sluts by Dennis Cooper, published in 2004

24. Historical Fiction: You know, fiction that takes place in a bygone era! Please remember, this isn’t just about reading a book that’s old; we have a separate prompt for that! This is about reading something that takes place in the past relative to the time it was written. Pride and Prejudice is historical to us, but was contemporary when Austen wrote it. Think of Brit Bennett's The Vanishing Half, Markus Zusak's The Book Thief, or history + a bit of fantasy in book's like R.F. Kuang's Babel.

I’ll be reading: The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon

Bookseller or Librarian Recommendation: This one is fun, and something I always like to do when I’m travelling and visiting a new bookstore. Ask a bookseller or librarian to recommend something they’ve liked, and check it out! If going in person isn’t feasible, many bookstores and libraries have staff picks on their websites, and the Indie Next List is a monthly list of independent booksellers’ favorite new releases.

I’ll be reading: The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse by Louise Erdrich, which I bought at Erdrich’s bookstore, Birchbark Books, this summer :)

lastly: tagging people who asked to be tagged to make sure they didn't miss this! @thebisexualwreckoning @perfunctoryperfusions @reallyinkyhands come get your bingo sheet!

#bookblr #2025 book bingo

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allfattenedup · 5 months ago

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Part of a wg story I found in my drafts:

· · ─────── · 🐷 · ─────── · ·

"If you'll let me, I'll make sure you never stop feeling like this," you whisper, suddenly tender, kneeling on the couch next to me, halfway to straddling.

"Like what?" I ask, voice rough with want as I look down. I've never been able to eat myself this big on my own. I've never even seen myself this big. My cheeks burn as I carefully feel the heavy sides of my new gut.

"On fire," you whisper, watching me explore what you've done to me. "Every nerve lit up.

"You're great, and this is..." My head falls back in pleasure against the back of the couch, hands pressed to either side of the belly that doesn't feel like mine. Heavy and full. So, so big. "..this is incredible. But if we keep doing this, I'm going to..." I bite my lip. The thought is hot. Too hot. Way way too hot, too dangerous. I can't let myself get swept away in it. "This was supposed to be a one-time thing," I protest half-heartedly.

"I know." You nod, sweetly massaging a roll, and I gasp, face crumpling in ecstasy. "And it can be... if you want it to." "No." The word comes out to my dismay, but I can't keep it in. This can't be the only time we do this. The thought of it slipping through my fingers makes my voice urgent. "No, please. Just... a little more."

"Okay," you coo, kissing down my cheek, my slightly soft jaw. "But you know that if you keep seeing me, you're going to get fat, right?" Your breath is so hot on my ear, and you nip at my earlobe. "You're going to get very... very fat."

My head spins. My belly throbs. I can't breathe. "...yes."

"Are you ready for that?"

I swallow, and decide to answer honestly. "I don't think so."

"But...?"

"But I don't care." The desperate need in my rough whisper alarms even me.

You lean forward and kiss my nose. We're so close, I can feel the heat of your body radiating into mine. "Thank you for being honest," you whisper, and your hand moves excruciatingly slowly from gently rubbing a roll, around to settle on the straining front of my belly, and you place your palm flat, slowly beginning to rub circles. "You don't have to worry. I'm taking care of you now. I'll make you nice and fat, and if you get embarrassed, I'll make you feel good. Okay?”

“Okay.” I gasp, arching up what little I can into your hand.

“And if you get nervous - about how fast you’re changing, or any of it - I’ll just push a nice treat past those lips and you’ll remember you’re my docile little fat pet. Won’t you?”

“Yes.” "We'll get you a nice heavy belly," you promise, sliding the rest of the way onto my lap, sharing it with the gut you've already started to put on me, and drag over the bag of chocolates. "Don't you worry."

#wg text #wg story #weight gain fantasy #weight gain writing #wg writing #weight gain text #wg fic #weight gain fic #wg fiction #feedee encouragement

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ludwigplayingthetrombone · 7 months ago

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Post war/coma comic about Gai struggling with his recovery

Since tumblr hates long form comics, I have to split this into 2 bc its 36 images. This is the first part, part 2 i'll either do as a reblog or a separate post right after this, stay tuned! Links to support me in pinned post <3

tw: s*icidal thoughts, injury, a little blood

Bisuke: Gai's Back!

Gai: GRAAH!

Kks: Im home Gai: Welcome back Kks: [wheels rolling] Hey,

Kks: Ga-!? Gai: Im fine. The tile is cool on my face. Kks: Wanna go lay down in bed? Gai: I am so /sick/ of lying down. Kks: Ok. What do you want for supper?

Gai: You're not going to comment? Kks: I already know what happened. You overdid it again. I should be able to keep up with chores, kakashi. Kks: You can. Just don' bull through it all in one go. Do you want to end up in the hospital again? Gai: Please don't. Kks: I know sitting still is hard for you, and "too much" is in your DNA, but you have to take this slow so you don't exacerbate your injuries, Gai. You went from hyper-aware to pretending your body limits dont exist. Gai: Like you haven't done the same.

Gai: You've proved your point. Kks: It's not about that. And you've dragged me to bed and out of bed repeatedly when I needed it. You were burning alive from the inside. Tsunade told you your immune system is out of whack. You need to take it easy. /I/ know you're capable, but are you trying to prove to /yourself/ you are? Gai: You want me to admit my embarrassment? Kks: If something serioud happens, You'll be even more embarrassed then

Gai: How could you possibly know how I FEEL?! How could you EVER KNOW HOW I FEEL?! Kks: I DON'T! But I've /been/ the one ouking and sobbing on your bathroom floor because I couldn't take living anymore! And I don't want that for YOU!

Kks: I'm sorry, Gai. Gai: I'm sorry

Kks: I can't stand knowing you're in pain, and I can't get you help. If there was a way, I'd do anything. Gai: You do so much to help me already.... And I yelled at you Kks: I've screamed at you so much, that was pretty tame. I wish I was like you with things like this. Not great with what to say...... But I can listen.

Gai: I hate feeling so weak. I'm tired all the time, in constant pain, I can't even walk-..... I can tell tenten and the boys worry despite my efforts to appear positive. Kks: They're just not sure how to react. They know you hate being babied, but don't want to push you into hurting yourself. You hate being told you can't do something. They love you. You get stronger everyday, everyone is cheering you on.

Gai: I know it's irrational, but... I feel like you gave up the Hokage position to take care of me. Kks: Haa!? I'm grateful if anything. I'd be retired too if I could. That'd be amazing. I'm dreading just helping Tsunade but as long as you're by my side, I'll be fine. We're still equals, rivals, friends, partners

Gai: Even if I can't- Kks: /Always/ wil be, dickhead. Gai: You worry about me hurting myself? Kks: I know you think about it

Kks: We're the same in that regard Gai: I would never act on this, please believe me, these thoughts are rare........... Kks: It's ok, Gai. Gai: Sometimes I think i should have just died. I feel so out of place on the streets I used to feel so at home at. I never asked to live. I didn't plan to. I just don't know how to-...

Kks: I understand that. Though, dying didn't feel any better. Gai: I know I didn't fully pass like you did. I didn't see papa. Just for a moment, I wish I could have seen him.

Kks: As much as I'm sure he wants to see you again, It's too soon. Dai'd slap the shit out of you for wanting to waste your youth just to see him. Gai: [chuckle] probably. Kks: I have those thoughts less and less now, but they're still there. "why am I the one who survives?" "Burden" "Gai will come to his senses eventually"

Gai: FALSE!! None of my grief is with you! I love living here with you! My love for you only burns hotter each day! You're so lovely inside and out! Kks: Maa What did I do to deserve such praise from teh mouth of the hottest man in Konoha?? Gai: YOU STILL THINK I'M HOT?! Kks: YOU-! [CACKLE]

Kks: Your bad taste is the only reason I had a chance before someone snatched you up. Gai: The worst. Kks: Thought we'd irritate eachother, but it's been pretty smooth. Even though you still get played by the dogs. Gai: You really wanna throw those stones?

Gai: They play you just as easily. don't lie. Kks: My point is, whatever you need from me, you have it. No questions asked. Even if you yell and scream, i can take it. You held me together when I was unraveling, and I'll never forget it. Didn't trust anyone else to see me like that. Broken

Gai: I never saw you as that. Kks: I'll never see you as that

#kakagai #kakashi hatake #maito gai #naruto #my art #team gai #tenzou yamato #angst

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oh-no-its-bird · 6 months ago

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Team 7 gets zapped into the warring states era but it's like, team 7 either mid or directly after wave-arc.

They're babies!! They're untrained little babies!!! None of them have gotten that good good character development yet!! Kakashi is still actively desperately wanting to not teach them!! (tho he may have just gotten his "ahh fuck. I actually have to teach them, huh." Moment)

Sasuke looks like a carbon copy of a younger Izuna and it's going to cause problems

Naruto thankfully doesn't look much like an Uzumaki, but his tendency to very loudly introduce himself is going to get him into trouble

Going w my usual flavor of "the Hatake are a very small but very famous clan known for being fucking insane", people are seeing Kakashi and going "oh god oh fuck what are one of THOSE guys doing here oh sage preserve us please don't eat me" as Kakashi just kinda stands there like 🧍‍♂️

Sakura is the only one safe from not being fucked up and over her clan, good for her!

-> back to the Hatake thing.

The kids still know virtually nothing about their sensei so they're learning all this stuff about his clan and believing every word of it, from the believable rumors to the insane.

Sakura, in a hushed, worried voice: "Sensei,, is it true ur clan eats people??"

Kakashi, who's father died before he could tell him almost anything about their clan and genuinely doesn't know but at this point is starting to get a little worried about it:

Kakashi, who also never passes up the opportunity to fuck with someone: "only stupid little students who ask stupid little questions <3"

Sakura and Sasuke: *worriedly look at a confused Naruto*

For convoluted reasons they run into the Hatake of the era and after introductions they look at the kids and are like,

"Oh!!! Ok, so this is your kid, right? :)" pointing at Sakura.

And Kakashi is like. ",,no."

"Ohhh, ok. So this one is your kid then?" *points at Naruto*

",,,,,,,,no."

They look at him confused then nod at Sasuke. "So then that one's your kid, right?"

"None of them are my children."

*visibly disapproving / disbelieving side eye*

One big difference between this and the team ro time travel one is how much less trustworthy Kakashi comes off to literally everyone who looks at him.

He's a trained adult shinobi, probable bloodline thief (with no way to prove his innocence), and he has 3 children from 3 different clans (2 of which are indirectly enemies bc the Uzumaki is a Senju ally) (1 of which might have a direct relation to the Uchiha main house) and comes from an infamously volatile "wild clan" from another country entirely (Iron country)

He is NOT getting out of this with talk no jutsu bullshit. He has a target on his back from day 1 and it will take a minor miracle to get even a single person hear him out

Anyways uhh—

Saying Tajima and Butsuma are still alive but due to die in some months (till team 7 accidentally interfere and somehow accidentally save Tajima, maybe also Butsuma but I'm more biased towards Tajima so I'm thinking just him actually)

Kakashi sees baby Kagami and feels like he's been hit by a truck bc he looks just like a miniature Shisui and he has hang-ups about his "suicide"

Half-Hatake Tobirama is catching HEAT from Kakashi's antics. Why does one of ur cousins have a sharingan. Where did he get those children. Do you know anything about this. Is it your duty to help hunt him down bc hes your blood. If not yours then it's definatley the Hatake's, call them immediately and tell them to clean up their mess.

Bloodline theft is like THE ultimate no-no for all shinobi, especially in this era. To the point that even ancient enemies will sometimes temporarily set aside grudges to kill bloodline theives. Kakashi is so fucked, someone get him out of there

Mmmm there are like still bits and pieces of thoughts floating around in my head for this but I can feel myself getting distracted and want to get back to art fight so I'll leave it here for now

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fatuismooches · 6 months ago

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More Dottore and Fragile Reader voice lines, except it's your turn this time. A part two to this. Previous voice lines are here.

About Prime Dottore:

"Zandik. My one and only… words cannot express my tenderness and love toward him. I refuse to forget any moment I've spent with him. Not once has he given up on me, despite the times I’ve given up on myself. And he has always taken care of me, not once faltering in over four hundred years. I- I don’t know what to do sometimes when faced with that information. I wish I could be… less of a burden on him…”

About Omega:

"Omega, huh... he is the only segment where I always spend time with completely alone. See, he's not prone to sharing, just like Prime. I don't mind much, honestly, it's nice to get away from all of the noise and be with him. He always coaxes me to be more selfish too... is it a good or bad thing he's influencing me?"

About Alpha:

"Yes, the grumpy cutie I met all those years ago, the start of it all. He says that my presence is a hindrance and it only disrupts his work, but we both know that's false. Often, I like to sit by him as he writes his notes, pointing out all the errors caused by the atrocity of his handwriting... Sometimes, I feel bad using him as a reminder of the past."

About Beta:

"It always baffles me that Beta was once how Dottore acted. I mean, have you seen the difference between 'Mega and Beta? Anyway... he's always such a fun segment to hang around! Even when his assistants cower behind me in fear! Oh, and whenever he goes 'he-he-ho-ho', it always makes me giggle. Please don't tell him I did that impression of him though."

About Delta:

"Oh, Delta's... pretty mean. A really big meanie, if I do say so myself. He never laughs, never smiles, never entertains my shenanigans, always sees right through me... so rude. Huh? Don't worry about me, I'm allowed to talk about him like this. I still love him, after all."

About Zeta:

"Zeta's always so elusive! It was such a pain to track him down at first, he was always avoiding me. I thought he hated me... but once I got a hold of him, he is always so attentive to me! However, it greatly saddens me that he thinks he "failed" me... and yet he doesn't know how much it hurts me more that I've caused him to be like this."

About Zandy:

"Have you met my son? He's the sweetest little thing, isn't he? I remember how shy he was in the beginning, but he quickly grew to be such a dear. Always so excited and eager for attention. I can't help but wonder if Dottore's life could have been different if more people were kinder to him as a child."

About Pierro:

"I will always be indebted to him and Her Highness for taking me in. He is pretty scary to be around, but I feel sort of bad for him. I can't imagine how much responsibility he has... I once promised him I'd work for the Fatui once I'm better, but he didn't react much. Hmph, I'll show him how much I can boost Dottore's efficiency!"

About Capitano:

"The only thing I really know about him is that he's incredibly strong and well respected, at least from other people. The single time I met him, I also learned he was quite well liked by animals too, but it's hard to get any more information when he's so quiet..."

About Columbina:

"Bina is the best friend I've always wanted. I'm glad she's always there for me whenever things go bad. Although I can never predict what she's going to do or say, which is pretty strange, considering who I'm with, that makes her company all the more fun. Still, the amount of embarrassing situations she's tricked me into with Dottore... makes my head hurt."

About Arlecchino:

"I wish we could be closer, but I don't think it'll ever happen. I can't really blame her though, the relationship between her and Dottore is... not the greatest, for reasons I understand. I wonder what she thinks of me, the person who still stands by his side despite his sins?"

About Pulcinella:

"Oh... the little grandpa? I've always wondered how he's the fifth rank, but there's probably more to it than I know. Regardless, I didn't expect him to be so kind to me. I only see him once in a while, but every time he seems to know how I'm doing. And then, he proceeds to give me the best advice, exactly what I needed to hear at that moment, even when it has to do with Dottore. It's kind of scary..."

About Scaramouche:

"Ah yes... the Balladeer. He always wants to start up something with me whenever we cross paths, which is why my patience runs very thin around him. I hope the next time he goes into the Abyss, he gets stuck there."

About Wanderer:

"Who?"

About Sandrone:

"Her research sounds so cool! I've seen some of the things she can create, and it's completely fascinating. I too once had a love for machines back when I was a student. It's just a shame she never comes out of her lab... there are never any chances for me to talk with her. Well, I can always talk with Alpha and Beta about their research at least."

About La Signora:

"I've barely ever seen or spoken to her, but she has my respect. I heard what happened to her husband. If I ever lost Dottore, I'm not sure if I'd be able to go on... or at least be as half as strong as she is."

About Pantalone:

"Oh, Lone's one of my good friends! He always has such unique ideas for me to get back at Dottore, and listening to him talk about his theories quite reminds me of listening to Dottore. He's helped me a lot, dealing with this man. Still... as he does with everyone, I'm kept at arm's length. It doesn't bother me, but I wish I could help him in some way. But I know that'll never be possible."

About Childe:

"Despite being a Harbinger, he's a lot nicer than you'd think. Well, especially compared to the others in the Fatui. He's great at conversation, his family is the sweetest... and he always promises to spar with me once I'm no longer sick. Truly great company. Too bad Dottore's attitude toward him is... less than favorable."

About Furina:

"At first I hated her just like all the other Gods, but after learning the truth, I can't help but greatly respect her. To take on such a burden without having a single shoulder to lean on and succeed in the end... I think I've been through a lot of pain, but at least I've had Dottore and the others to ease it even just a bit. But she had no one, and I admire her will."

About Nahida:

"I try not to waste my time on things that upset me. It's not good for my health."

Sprint Start:

"No, no, I am not running at all. Look, if I get hurt and Dottore finds out it was your fault, you'll be the ones strapped to the table, not me. Hey... I wouldn't mind being in that position, actually."

Chat - Worry:

"I hope that one day he can make peace with himself."

Chat - Old Times:

"Sometimes I wish I was just a simple student again, having no worries other than my grades and pulling all-nighters with Dottore. Actually, that doesn't really sound relaxing, does it?"

Chat - Idling:

"If you're just going to stand here doing nothing, then I'm going to take a seat over there."

When it Snows:

"Would you be willing to distract Dottie so I can chuck a snowball at him? No? How boring."

When the Sun is Out:

"It's a perfect day to have a picnic and listen to him rant again."

In the Desert:

"... Omega, Beta, Delta, I don't care which one of you does it, get over here and make your hands completely ice cold before I faint."

Something to Share - Talent:

"If you ever need help writing something, you can ask me. I wrote some pretty good essays back in the day, you know. Dottore once said I should even write a book! I thought he was bullying me, but he was actually serious, for some reason. Maybe I should get Zandy to draw some pictures?"

Something to Share - Secret:

"Dottore actually has quite a sweet tooth. Well, this probably isn't much of a secret anymore because I accidentally spilled it to the agents, but it would do you good to keep this in mind."

Interesting Things - Foxttore:

"This little guy here? He'll do you no harm unless I say so, so don't worry. He was one of Dottie's failed experiments roaming the lab until he gifted the creature to me! These pufflings too, surprisingly they help me a lot more than you'd think. They're pretty strong, carrying all my things."

Favorite Pastimes - Meals:

"It's time to eat already? No need to worry about me, I'll just wait for a segment. See, it's best for both of us if I have company while I eat. My hands... aren't the most reliable."

Troubles:

"I am very happy that they have a good place to conduct all the research they want, but I wish they paid some more attention to me sometimes. Voicing this complaint over and over again, however, is too exhausting."

Amusement:

"Dottore's fan club never ceases to amuse me. I know every Harbinger has one but... it's completely hilarious. To go so far as creating a handbook about the two of us... well, I appreciate the dedication and the laughs, especially when I update Dottore on their activities. He may not care, but I support them!"

#smooches talks #dottore love notes <3 #fragile reader <3 #zandy bb <3 #playable reader <3 #dottore x reader #can we get more playable reader asks pls #im humbly begging my anons #im crazy for them #divider by cafekitsune

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takerfoxx · 8 months ago

Text

Miorine: How DARE you ruin my escape plan! You owe me for this! Take responsibility!

Suletta: Wow, you're cute.

Miorine: SO ARE YOU, BUT I'M STILL MAD!

...

Miorine: Congrats. We're engaged.

Suletta: But I'm a girl!

Miorine: ...yes, and?

...

Miorine: Don't worry, this is just a mutually beneficial arrangement. I'll help you adjust to school life around here, and you keep the other suitors off my back until I dip, then the engagement will be broken and you can do whatever you want.

Suletta: Okay, gucci.

Miorine: ...kind of actually want to gay marry you, though.

Suletta: What?

Miorine: Nothing! Idiot!

...

Miorine: How DARE those cheating assholes arrest Suletta! I'm going to go down there and give my lousy father a piece of my mind!

Feng Jun: You know, we can still take you to Earth. Actually, we can leave right now. No need to bother with all that other stuff.

Miorine: ...

Feng Jun: So, is that a yes?

Miorine: I've decided that I actually want to gay marry that girl. Take me to her!

...

Suletta beats Guel for the second time.

Miorine: I would let her do terrible things to me and thank her for it.

Shaddiq: What?

Miorine: Nothing!

...

Miorine: I will protect that girl, because I am her bride!

Suletta: Oh shit, I actually want to get gay married.

...

Miorine: Our communication SUCKS, but I really do need you and want you to need me too. Do you want to get gay married for real?

Suletta: YES!

...

Suletta makes tomato sauce of that guy.

Suletta: Ms. Miorine, I came to save you!

Miorine: That was the most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my life! I have PTSD now! Kind of hot, though...

Suletta: What?

Miorine: Nothing! Murderer!

...

Miorine: Suletta, I'm breaking up with you, because you're a sap and I'm a bitch. Peace.

Suletta: NO! I WANT TO GET GAY MARRIED!

Miorine: ME TOO, DAMN IT! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF AND IT'S KILLING ME TO HAVE TO HURT YOU LIKE THIS, BUT I HAVE TO BREAK YOU AWAY FROM THIS HORRIBLE WORLD IF YOU WANT TO HAVE HALF A CHANCE OF LIVING A NORMAL LIFE, EVEN THOUGH I WILL HATE MYSELF EVERY DAY FOR HAVING TO DO THIS TO YOU!

Suletta: ...what.

Miorine: I mean...see yah, loser!

...

Suletta: Ms. Miorine, could you please come out?

Miorine: I'm the lowest of the low. I did terrible things to you and other people. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was only being used, and ended up hurting those closest to me for no reason. I'm a fool.

Suletta: So...do you still wanna get gay married?

Miorine: Yes, please.

...

Miorine headbutts Suletta

Miorine: Don't you dare die on me, idiot! We still need to get gay married!

Suletta: I swear to God, if I had working limbs and we didn't need these suits to survive the vacuum of space, I'd tear them right off of us and ravish you so hard it'll send you past Permet 8 and your dead tomato mom will feel it.

Miorine: What?

Suletta: You heard me.

Miorine: I'm taking that as a promise, then!

...

Suletta: So. We got gay married.

Miorine: Yes, we did.

Eri: Please don't make out sloppy-style again.

Miorine: We're doing it.

Eri: I'm still right here!

Miorine: Cope.

#gundam the witch from mercury #wfm #g witch #suletta mercury #miorine rembran #sulemio #suletta x miorine #this is how things went right?

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shdysders · 6 months ago

Text

leave a message

pairing: jenna ortega & reader

summary: in which jenna leaves increasingly desperate voicemails for you, who never answers.

word count: 1.8k

author’s note: this is heavily inspiried by @toournextadventure’s letter imagine, go check it out!

Hi! This is Y/N. Thanks for calling! I can't get to the phone right now, but leave me a message and I'll get back to you soon. Bye!

"Hey, it's me. Um, where are you? I've called a bunch of times and you haven't picked up. I'm starting to get really worried. Please call me back as soon as you get this. I love you."

MESSAGE SENT BY

"jen"

MARCH 15TH

7:34PM

"Baby, it's been hours now. Your friends haven't seen you and you're not at the usual spots. I'm driving around right now, looking for you. I... I just need to know you're okay. Please, just text me or something."

11:37PM

___

"Okay, so it's been almost a day. I've talked to your family and they don't know where you are either. This isn't like you to just disappear. I'm freaking out, and I don't know what to do. I just need to hear your voice and know you're safe. Please, please call me back."

MARCH 16TH

3:03 PM

___

"Where are you? I... I'm losing my mind here. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't do anything until I know you're safe. Did something happen? Are you hurt? God, please be okay. Just... just let me know you're out there."

MARCH 17TH

5:54PM

___

"I went to the police today. I made sure to tell them how desperate I was and they said they'd start looking for you, but it doesn't feel like enough. I feel so helpless and almost guilty. I'm sorry if I ever did anything to make you feel like you needed to run. If you're mad at me, we can work through it, I promise. Just come back."

MARCH 18TH

3:21PM

I know I should've gone with you. You never go grocery shopping alone. What was I thinking, letting you go by yourself? Did something happen to you, or did you plan on leaving? Because I checked your closet, and you didn't bring anything. None of your things are missing. It doesn't make any sense. I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure out what happened. Please, if you're out there, just come back to me. I need to know you're safe."

11:21PM

___

"It's been five days. I'm sitting in our apartment, surrounded by your things, and it feels so empty without you. Every time my phone buzzes, my heart stops because I think it's you. I can't keep doing this.

They're putting up posters with your picture all over town. I can't believe this is happening. I keep expecting you to walk through the door and tell me it's all a joke, that you're okay. But you don't. And it hurts so much. I need you, baby. I need you more than ever.

Please, just give me a sign that you're okay. I don't know how much longer I can take this."

MARCH 19TH

5:32PM

___

"It's day six. I barely slept. Every time I close my eyes, I see your face. I keep thinking about all the little things – the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you say my name. I'm not giving up. I can't give up. You're my everything.

I know you're out there somewhere. I refuse to believe anything else. I'm going to find you. I promise you that. I'll do whatever it takes to bring you home.

I've talked to everyone I could think of, but no one has seen you. It's like you vanished into thin air. God, I'm so scared. I don't know what to do."

MARCH 20TH

11:54AM

___

I've been thinking a lot about everything... about us. I can't shake this feeling that maybe I'm the reason you left, and I need to apologize for everything.

Like that time I yelled at you for interrupting me during a script rehearsal, or when I got upset because I was running late and took it out on you. I never meant any of it. I'm sorry for the times I canceled our plans last minute because of my schedule, leaving you hanging. And for all those times I didn't listen when you needed to talk, or when I brushed off your concerns because I was too wrapped up in my own problems.

I keep thinking maybe you left because I wasn't enough, because I failed you in so many ways. Remember when you wanted to go on that weekend trip, and I said no because I was too tired? Or the countless nights I spent on set, making you eat dinner alone? I'm so sorry if I made you feel unimportant or unloved. I never wanted to hurt you.

I keep replaying our last conversation in my head, wondering if there was something I missed, something I could have done differently. There probably is. There always is.

If you hear this, know that I'm sorry for everything I did wrong. I love you more than anything. Please come back to me. I promise I'll do better. I'll be better. Just come back.

MARCH 21ST

8:32PM

___

“I went to the police again, but they keep telling me to wait. How can I wait when you're out there, possibly in danger? I'm so scared, baby. Please, please be okay.

I don't know how much more I can take. I'm so scared. Scared that something terrible has happened. But I have to believe you're okay. I have to. Because the alternative... I can't even think about it."

MARCH 22ND

12:45AM

___

“It's my fault, isn't it? I must have done something to make you leave. I... I'm so sorry. I should have been better, should have seen the signs. I hate myself for not realizing sooner. I'm so sorry if I did anything to push you away. I didn't mean to. I'll do anything to make it right.“

MARCH 23RD

3:43PM

“The faucet in the kitchen started leaking again, and I can't fix it. You always knew how to handle things like that. You would have come up with some clever solution and would've tried teaching me even though you knew it's impossible.

Everything here is falling apart without you. I'm falling apart without you. I don't know how to do this on my own."

5:57PM

___

“I need to say it. It's been over a week now, and I... I'm starting to lose hope.

I hate myself for even thinking that, for feeling like this. It makes me feel disgusting and weak. You deserve better than this. I should be stronger, I should be doing more to find you. But every day that goes by without any news, I feel a little more defeated. Please, baby, forgive me. I don't want to give up. I won't give up. I promise. I just... I need you to come back. I'm so scared, and I feel so lost without you."

MARCH 24TH

7:28PM

___

"My agent just called and said I need to start thinking about going back to work. I don't know what to do.

Would you want me to go back? I can hear your voice in my head, telling me to be strong, to keep going. But how can I when you're not here? I feel so guilty, like I'm abandoning you if I go back. I need you to tell me what to do. I'm so scared."

MARCH 25TH

3:52PM

___

"There's this premiere coming up, and I don't even want to go. You were supposed to come with me. I'm just terrified and alone. I can't face any of this without you. I need you here to tell me I'm just being stupid and to hold my hand through it all. I'm struggling to keep it together. I need you to tell me it's going to be okay."

MARCH 26TH

6:38PM

___

"I went back to work yesterday, and it's hell. The internet is turning against me. People are saying things, talking about me and accusing me of not caring about you, of moving on too quickly. Some even suspect I had something to do with your disappearance. I know I shouldn’t listen to them but it's tearing me apart. You know how much you mean to me, how I'm doing everything I can to find you. But now I feel like I'm drowning in all this hate. I don't know how to handle it without you here. You'd tell me to ignore them, to focus on what's important. But it's so hard. I'm so scared, and I feel so alone. I need you more than ever."

MARCH 28TH

3:42PM

___

"You know what? Fuck this. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit! Where the fuck are you? Do you even fucking care about me, about us? Do you have any idea what you've put me through? I've been out of my mind with worry, tearing myself apart trying to find you, and what? For nothing! You just vanished without a fucking trace. How could you do this to me? It's like you don't give a shit!

I'm here, losing my fucking mind, while you're... I don't even know where you are! Are you hiding? Did you just decide to fuck off and leave me to deal with all this crap? The internet's tearing me apart, people think I had something to do with this, and you're not here to defend me, to tell me what the hell is going on! It's fucking selfish! You're fucking selfish for doing this!

You left me here, drowning in all this, and I hate you for it. I hate you for making me feel this way, for making me doubt everything! I can't fucking take it anymore!"

MARCH 30TH

01:56AM

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't mean it. I'm just... I'm breaking down. I'm so angry, not at you. Just at everything else.

Please, come back. I didn't mean any of it. I just need you. Please."

01:58AM

___

“The police... they found a body in the river a few hours away. They said it's too decomposed to identify right now. I'm losing my mind. It can't be you. It can't be. I swear to God, if it's you, I'll die. I'll fucking die, do you hear me? I can't breathe, I can't think. I'm shaking so badly. Please, please, let it not be you.

They're going to do tests, but it'll take time. Time I don't have. Time I can't bear. I'm so scared, baby. I can't do this. I can't wait and not know if it's you. I'm going insane. Please, God, don't let it be you. I need you to be okay. I need you to come back to me.

I keep imagining the worst. I can't stop. I'm so fucking terrified. I feel like I'm going to throw up. This isn't happening. This can't be happening. Please, please be okay. I can't live without you. I need you. I love you so much. Please come back. Please."

MARCH 31ST

9:51PM

#jenna ortega x reader #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x reader #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x fem!reader #vada cavell x reader #wednesday addams x reader #mabel x reader #melissa barrera x reader #sam carpenter

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cobragardens · 1 year ago

Text

Notes on the Scene in Job's Basement

Crowley is not tempting Aziraphale here. He's experimenting on him.

Getting Aziraphale to sin, or even getting him drunk, is not Crowley's intent in this scene. Eating food, taking pleasure in food, drinking alcohol, and even being drunk are not sins in most of Judaism or Christianity (and they're certainly not sins in British Christianity, regardless of any church's doctrine). When Aziraphale turns down alcohol, Crowley just suggests he try food instead; so it's not important to Crowley what Aziraphale tries, but it is important to him that he try something.

This scene is also the first time (chronologically) we see that Crowley likes to drink and likes to be drunk.

We know from

and from

as well as from Book Omens and Word of God that angels have no instinct beyond curiosity pulling them toward eating or toward gender. From this we can reasonably presume they have no instinct toward Beverages either.

That means that in this moment--

--Crowley is very likely the only metaphysical entity he knows on either side of the divide, or even knows of, who has ever experienced a physical pleasure.

And he probably has some Lingering Questions about it, like we all did the first time a physical pleasure blew our minds. Like,

Is it this strong for everyone?

Is there something wrong with me?

Am I going to hurt myself if I do this, like, a lot?

And it's not like the poor creature can ask anyone, because the answers for humans aren't necessarily going to apply to him.

So when he sees an opportunity, Crowley gets that one angel he knows who'll talk to him to try a human thing, and then he watches to see if physical pleasure hits the angel as hard as it hit him.

And that's why he looks so creepily pleased when it does.

Apparently it is this strong for everyone and there isn't anything wrong with him. Now he can relax and get sloshed without worrying, and he even has someone to talk to about how rad human stuff is.

A Dip Into Speculation

We know because we're shown this isn't the first time Crowley has gotten drunk that, watching Aziraphale, Crowley understands what he's seeing. I think it's really interesting that Crowley doesn't laugh at Aziraphale at any point during this scene, and he doesn't correct the way he's eating, either.

Maybe it's because this is what it was like for Crowley the first time. Maybe he got so drunk he passed out and woke up in a puddle of his own sick. Maybe he got so drunk he passed out and didn't wake up at all, and there was Paperwork and he had to get used to a whole new corporation just when he'd got the hang of having legs in the old one. Maybe somebody had to show him how to use a fork or whatever they had going on for eating utensils in Ancient Mesopotamia. I distinctly remember having to learn as a small child to chew with my mouth closed. There is every possibility Crowley doesn't consider the way Aziraphale is eating to be worthy of ridicule because whatever Crowley did the first time was worse.

Maybe he wants to leave Aziraphale set up for later embarrassment over his table manners. Aziraphale was a judgy bitch about the wine.

Or maybe it's something like Let him have this one. There can be rules to it later; let him just enjoy it, once, like a little kid with both fists in their birthday cake.

Maybe it's desire. There is some textual evidence for this. Once Aziraphale learns to eat properly, the way he does it is very attractive, and we know Crowley loves watching him do it.

I don't think it's overreaching even to interpret David Tennant's physical performance of Crowley watching Aziraphale eat as one of sensual or erotic pleasure. I mean--

I'm not saying it absolutely has to be erotic, but it's not a reach, or even a full extension of the elbow, to read it that way.

There's another meta somewhere [I'll link it when I find it again; if you know this meta, please drop it in comments!] that discusses how this exchange in Job's basement is filmed like an erotic scene.

Like Crowley, we all want to kiss this face.

Aziraphale isn't eating prettily, but he's eating lewdly, ravenously, desirously, and it's lit like romantic sex, not like gluttony. Whether that's funny or poignant or hot may depend on the viewer. Here's how Crowley's handling it:

Srs tho, any frame of this scene could have been painted by Artemisia Gentileschi.

Or maybe--and this is my favorite of the available interpretations--maybe this is what it was like for Crowley the first time and he doesn't interfere because he wants Aziraphale to come out of this as someone who's had the same experience Crowley's had so Crowley won't be so totally alone in having had it.

#good omens #good omens s2 #companion to owls #good omens 2 #good omens job's basement

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megamindsecretlair · 1 month ago

Note

Hiii girl! Can I make a request for a prequel to I swear I’ll never leave? Something super angsty on how y/n and Terry got to that point in the first place🤍

I Still Don't Want You To Go

Pairing: Toxic Baby Daddy!Terry Richmond x Singer!Black!Fem!/ Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. ANGST, cursing, teasing, mentions of loneliness, depression, brief mention of harm against a child, bad ass child, all consensual. Sorry if I missed some, my mom is distracting me.

Summary: A prequel to “I Swear I’ll Never Leave”. Four months ago, things came to a head for you, the loneliness getting too loud for you to ignore. You wanted your husband home, safe and sound with you. As you reminisce about the good times, it’s the bad times you can’t get over. And though your timing sucks, you have to finally tell Terry what’s really on your heart.

Word Count: 7,801k

AO3 Link | I Swear I'll Never Leave

A/N: WHEW. When I say this hurt MEEE. I'm exposing myself like a MF LOL. I see you sneaky anon, a prequel request. I'd love to know your thoughts on the angst, I wanna get better at it. Toss a coin to your blogger by leaving a comment, gif, or unhinged ask.

Six years ago…

“Lovely Day” by Bill Withers crooned from your portable speaker on the marble countertop. The smell of meatloaf and mashed potatoes filled the kitchen, steam rising from the pot on the stove. You were working on the gravy, tasting as you went. Cadence kicked in your belly and you stopped to place a hand there.

“Alright babygirl, we almost there. You are so impatient already,” you said to her, rubbing your belly. You had a few months left to go but she was already kicking to get out. You’d have to put her in track or soccer or something. She’d run you ragged if you weren’t careful.

“How’s my two favorite girls?” Terry entered the room, following the scent of food.

You giggled. “You always know when the food is done!” You shrieked with laughter as Terry encircled your waist, pulling you back against his chest. He placed his hands on either side of your protruding belly.

“Can’t help it when I smell a snack,” he said, kissing your cheek.

You sighed at his corny joke but giggled anyway. “You get on my nerves,” you said with a shake of your head. This man of yours.

“I love you too. Time to eat?” He asked.

You craned your neck to look over your shoulder at him. He grinned, catching your eye, and then kissed your cheek once more. “You can’t be that hungry,” you said.

“For your famous meatloaf? Hell yeah, I’m that hungry,” he said. He swayed with you to the music and you closed your eyes, taking it all in.

“Didn’t you just eat like…?”

“That was my pre-dinner food. This is dinner. I got room,” he said.

You shook your head. Thank goodness you weren’t having a boy. You didn’t know what the hell you would do if you had two of them running around, eating you out of house and home. You were barely keeping up with Terry and his voracious appetite when he was home.

“You can’t possibly eat like this on base,” you said.

“I can pack away some food. But hmm, ain’t nothing better than being home,” he said.

“I worry about you. Help me with the meatloaf please,” you said.

“I need a kiss first,” he said.

You sighed and craned your neck to kiss his cheek. He shook his head, releasing you long enough to turn you around.

“A real kiss,” he said, suddenly turning serious. He furrowed his eyebrows as he leaned down, capturing your lips with his.

It felt like he was trying to tell you something with the kiss, but you weren’t sure what. He held onto you, gripping your waist as if you were the lone anchor and he had been out at sea for weeks.

You leaned back and looked at him. “Terry? Everything okay?”

&&&

Four months ago…

“Everything okay?” Terry asked.

“Huh?” You turned your attention back to him. Cadence fidgeted in your lap. You sighed and righted her once more so that she could look at the screen at her daddy. He was on base and you were talking to him on video chat, trying to make it a nightly thing for Cadence’s sake, but it was getting tougher.

She had sunk into her terrible six’s, getting impatient the minute she didn’t get her way. You blamed Terry of course. Spoiling the damn child and making it seem like you were the bad parent, always saying no and doing nothing fun.

“I’m just tired, Terry,” you sighed. You smiled, despite it all, but even that was getting exhausting. You were cranky, irritable, and at your wit’s fucking end.

Terry’s eyebrows furrowed but he took you at your word. Cadence flopped in your arm like she was over the whole thing. You corrected her again, holding down her arms and legs so she’d sit still.

She began to whine, paying attention to anything but her daddy. “When are you coming home?” Cadence asked, suddenly switching gears and leaning far into the camera.

“I’m not sure yet, baby. But I hope it’s soon,” he said.

“Will you be here for Mustard’s birthday?” She asked. Mustard, being her imaginary friend. She babbled endlessly to the mysterious Mustard who was usually to blame when Cadence acted out.

“I don’t know if I can, baby,” he said.

Cadence groaned, flopping into your arms once more. Ugh. You finally picked her up and set her down. She began to cry, trying to climb back onto you. “Aht aht, you’re acting out because your Daddy isn’t here. And you know better,” you said.

Cadence cried harder, fighting to get back in your lap. You looked at Terry. “I’ll call you back,” you said. You slammed the laptop shut without even hearing his reply. You were tired and fucking over it.

Cadence turned her cries into a full blown temper tantrum, stomping her feet and jumping up and down. You stared at the little devil and for a split second, just a split, you pictured tossing her ass out through the window. Fuck. That was an evil thought.

“Cadence. You have three seconds to stop and use your words. Acting like a damn barn animal,” you said, sucking your teeth.

Cadence continued to cry and stomp, falling onto the floor and screaming at the top of her lungs. You stared at her. At your wild, beautiful, terror of a daughter. You couldn’t scream. Screaming would only feed into whatever this fucking phase was. Screaming would turn you into your own mother, who forced you into a box when you were younger. Only to be seen and never heard.

You didn’t have the greatest relationship with your mother. You wanted a mom and she raised you to be the mother she never had. She thought you were the best of friends when you just wanted to escape. Be free from her constant judgement and disappointment.

You stared at your child as she screamed bloody murder and you didn’t know what to do. Terry didn’t have much family that you could turn to. There was Mike, but Mike was young. Mike didn’t need the responsibility of looking after his niece like that. He should be out and enjoying being young and free. There was your best friend Gianna, but she had her own life to live.

Cadence’s wails were like nails on chalkboard, making your brain itch in places you couldn’t reach. Great, heaving sobs trapped in your chest and you held it in. Held in the anger. Held in the frustration. You were a bad fucking mother and you didn’t know how to fix this. The only one who could was a few states away, off on base doing who knew what.

You stared. You hurt. You stared. She cried.

Cadence flopped on the floor, crocodile tears streaming down her face. “Cadence, off the floor. Now,” you said as calmly, voice ready to wobble but you kept on a brave face.

Cadence ignored you, flipped onto her stomach, and then kicked at the floor in her footie pajamas. You stared. And stared. You felt absolutely drained. Like there was nothing left inside of you to keep going. Keep moving. Keep doing this shit day in and day out.

But she was yours. You would not abandon her. She may grow up to hate your guts, never speak to you again like you barely did with your own mother, but dammit, you weren’t going to yell and scream at a child who didn’t truly understand the world yet.

You left Cadence on the ground to scream and yell while you went to your room to collect laundry. Let her fucking yell and scream. Maybe it’d tire her little behind out.

You grabbed the laundry basket from your room, picking up wayward clothes that needed to be washed. The famous chair was overfilled with clothes and Terry’s robe. An ache formed behind your eye, growing worse the more Cadence screamed. Cadence jogged into the room, rubbing the back of her eyes with her hand.

She continued to cry and scream and you turned to her. She looked at you and sat on the ground, snot running down her face. “Are you ready to use your words?” You asked.

She shook her head. “Then you sit there until you are,” you said. You scooted past her to her room to collect her dirty clothes. She followed you, continuing to cry her eyes out.

“So now you don’t listen to Mommy?” You asked.

Her cries turned to sniffling and hiccuping. She finally caught on that you weren’t going to feed into her nonsense. “No,” she hiccuped.

“No? You don’t listen to Mommy?” You asked.

“I do listen!” She yelled.

You tilted your head and gave her The Look. She rubbed her eyes with her hand and then walked closer, putting her head on your leg. “Where’s Daddy?” She asked.

“Daddy’s at work. You know that,” you said. You placed the basket on her pink princess bed and then dropped down to her level. You grabbed one of her hands and helped wipe her face.

“I didn’t raise you to act out. You have a voice and you have to learn to use it,” you said, tears threatening to spill down your face. How could you make her see how important it was to use her words? To use what so many people took for granted?

She was still too young to understand the nuances of being Black and a little girl. Your mother silenced your voice when you were younger. Placing the burden of being alive on you and not on her for not swallowing you instead of giving birth. You didn’t want that for Cadence. Didn’t want her to grow up, mincing her words, swallowing it all down, chest caving in whenever there was confrontation.

You wanted her to be strong. Full of life. Everything you weren’t. You blinked away the hot, itchy tears and smiled at her.

“I miss Daddy,” she said. “I don’t want to see him on the ‘puter.”

You sighed. You figured as much. But there wasn’t anything you could do about it now. He had a good job providing for you and Cadence. Maybe it would’ve been easier if he was a deadbeat. It would be easier to ignore the growing ache in your heart, missing him at home with you and Cadence.

“I miss Daddy too. But you can’t throw a tantrum whenever you don’t get your way. That’s not how young ladies act. And your Daddy would be very hurt to know you’re acting up,” you said.

“I’m sorry, Mommy,” she said. She hugged you and you hugged her back. God, you needed this shit to end. This constant need to cry or yell or scream yourself. You weren’t a child anymore. You didn’t have the luxury of flopping on the floor whenever you were overwhelmed.

“Thank you, baby. Go wash your face and get ready for bed,” you said. You released her and then popped her on the butt to get a move on. She giggled, jogging out of the room and headed to the bathroom.

“With soap!” You called out. Cadence giggled like that thought hadn’t even crossed her mind. You shook your head and continued grabbing her dirty clothes off the floor. You seriously had to teach that little girl to pick up after herself better. It was like once Terry was out of the house, she lost all pieces of her marbles.

You could relate. You distracted yourself with picking up her toys, crayons, and coloring books off of the floor and back into its proper places. You grabbed the laundry basket and left her room.

“Daddy says he may not make your birthday, Mustard. But that’s okay! We’ll take sooooooooo many pictures for him!” Cadence chattered on and on to her little friend.

You shouldn’t be…worried, right? Your daughter had friends but she only saw them at school. The other parents constantly asked you about playdates but you had so much to do between your own work, the house, and getting Cadence together, that you didn’t have it in you to take her for playdates.

You didn’t trust her with anyone else and you didn’t have time to sit and hang out with the mommies while they all gushed about their husbands. Gahh. The whole thing made you sick. They always managed to feel sorry for you. But always thanked your husband for his service.

Whatever. Fuck the service. Fuck the government. Fuck America and its bullshit. You wanted your husband at home. You wanted to crawl into bed and have him wrap his arms around you. If you knew that you’d be this damn lonely in marriage, you would have saved yourself the hassle.

You loved Cadence with everything in you. But it was never in your plans to raise her with no help. And it wasn’t fair on Terry. He was doing what he needed to do. But…you were tired of feeling like the bad guy when all you wanted was someone to hold you at night.

You finished up gathering today’s laundry and placed it in the laundry room. You tucked Cadence and Mustard into her bed, sitting down to read her a story while she drifted off to sleep.

You had a pounding headache from all her screaming and the unshed tears. But you sat for a while longer and prayed over your baby. Prayed she never ended up like you. Prayed she knew nothing but joy and love and how to reach out to people.

You were half alone, with one friend, and no family to help you. It was you, Terry, Gianna, Mike, and Cadence against the world. What a fucking family you all made.

You stood up and left the room and turned off the light. You left her door cracked and then made your way through the house, turning off lights, and running through a mental checklist of everything you had left to do tomorrow.

Making it to your room, you closed the door and flopped onto your cold, lifeless bed with a heavy sigh. You pulled the nearest pillow towards you and snuggled into it. Fuck. And you had to wake up and do it all over again.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Tears immediately welled in your eyes like it had just been waiting for you to be alone. You let the tears fall. Let your face get hot and puffy as you curled into a ball and cried. Your sniffling was muffled by the pillow.

You let it all out. The frustration from not being good enough for Cadence. The guilt over your disgusting thoughts about harming her. The loneliness from not having your husband there, beside you. Call you a weak ass bitch or whatever, but you just wanted your man home.

You cried over stupid shit, like spilling your coffee at work. Washing everything in the laundry but finding that one random sock that managed to miss the load. Watching Cadence play with Mustard and seeing Terry written all over her face. You curled into yourself harder and cried and cried, letting every last bit of it out.

You didn’t have enough strength when it was all over to clean your own face. So you flipped the pillow to a clean side and promptly went to sleep.

&&&

Six years ago…

You paced the length of the hallway in the hospital, trying to breathe through the pain. For all of Cadence’s kicks and tumbling, she sure as shit didn’t want to come out now. Your mother walked with you up and down the hallway, trying to tell you how to birth a child.

You held back whatever you wanted to say and rubbed your lower back. Fuuuuuck, this shit was painful. You were never doing this again. Fuck this. How did people have multiple kids? How did they birth a basketball team like it was nothing?

It felt like your insides were being scooped out with a rusty spoon. You stopped and leaned on the wall nearest you. “It’s gon’ be okay. Your body knows what to do,” your mom said.

You wanted to tell her to fuck off. So what if your body knew what to do? You didn’t. This was your first child and it was looking to be your only child. You couldn’t do this shit no more. And you sure as shit didn’t want to do it without Terry there.

Going through the last few months without him was bullshit. No one there to rub your feet or run errands when you were craving something stupid like ice cream and gummy worms. No one there to hold your hand when your panic over being a bad mom got too loud, too close to home, and you were spiraling.

But…you did it. You got through it. You could continue on. “Terry really ought to be here for this. I can’t believe he’s gonna miss the birth of his own child,” your mom complained.

“It’s not like he has a choice, mom,” you said, careful to watch your tone. Your mom never missed an opportunity to remind you that she was older and could still pop you in the mouth for being disrespectful.

“Don’t they have leave or something?” Your mom continued.

Can’t you fucking leave? You wanted to scream at her. You’d rather do this shit alone if all she was going to do was remind you that your husband would not be there. Would not be there to hear your child’s first cries.

You had planned and gushed over your baby together. You had theories on top of theories of who she’d favor more, what kind of personality she would develop, and what kind of life she would lead. He should be here.

Tears pricked your eyes but you beat them back. You had a job to do and it involved seeing this baby safely delivered. “I’m tired, mom,” you said.

“I know, baby. One more lap and then we’ll go sit for a minute,” she said. She grabbed your hand and your eyes ached from trying to hold back the tears. Sometimes your mom showed a bit of affection and like a kicked dog, you soaked it up. You reveled in the simple gesture, knowing that at any moment, her claws would come back out.

Squeaking tile made you turn your head. Terry leaned forward, the inertia from running making him rock on his heels. You locked eyes with him.

“Terry!” You yelled.

Terry power walked down the hallway dressed in his fatigues. He was clean shaven since he was on base and he looked so damn scrumptious you wanted to gobble him up then and there. He smiled as he approached, carefully taking your hand out of your mother’s.

“I knew you’d find a way to make it,” your mom said, patting Terry on the shoulder. “Otherwise I’d have talked shit.”

“Mom!” You said.

Terry chuckled. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” Terry said. He grinned as he cupped your face. “How you feeling?”

“Better, now that you’re here,” you said.

Terry kissed your forehead and then grabbed your hand. With him by your side, it wasn’t so bad. You could get through it. You could do this. Still hurt like a motherfucker. Wait…You wailed as you held your stomach, feeling a contraction come on and ruin everything.

You gripped Terry’s hand with all the strength you could muster as you rode out the pain. You huffed and puffed as you calmed down from the intensity. You turned a side eye to Terry. “You’re never doing this to me again,” you said, your voice rough from wailing.

Terry had the good sense not to look dumb. He smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. “Had fun making her though,” he said with a wink.

You groaned and rolled your eyes. “Nasty ass. Just like a man to enjoy all the benefits with none of the work,” you said.

Terry guided you back to your room. He walked slowly with you though his long legs could cover the distance in two seconds. “I wouldn’t say none of the work. I seem to recall you loudly begging –”

“Begging?!”

“Beggin’ me not to stop,” Terry said.

You chuckled and winced as it disrupted whatever the fuck Cadence was doing in your belly. Lord, you needed this child out neow.

Terry stayed with you every step of the way. He held your hand when you needed it and got lost when you cursed him ten ways from Sunday. He was there to make sure the doctors and nurses gave you what you needed, ensuring that your voice was heard and your concerns were met.

And when little Cadence Richmond came screaming into the world, Terry was right there grinning and laughing and kissing your forehead. “She’s fuckin’ beautiful. She’s so fucking beautiful,” he whispered against your temple. “You did so good, beautiful.”

&&&

“I can’t do this anymore, G,” you said, picking at the grass in your backyard.

Cadence jogged around the backyard with Mustard, running back and forth and screaming with laughter. That girl had a set of pipes. But it was a happy scream and you’d take that over anything else.

Your best friend, Gianna, flipped her locs over her shoulder and leaned back on her hands. “Do what?” She asked.

“Spend my life waiting for a man that don’t wanna come home,” you said. You looked down at the blade of grass and let the melancholy thoughts run wild. You knew your brain was a big, fat, ugly liar but sometimes that motherfucker made sense.

Terry went into the service to take care of you and Cadence when you were still two kids who didn’t know better. Now that Cadence was six, what was Terry doing? Why continue to stay on base?

The only logical answer was that he didn’t want to come home. He didn’t want to be here to help you. After years of practically living apart, the weight of your decisions made your head heavy.

What would’ve happened if you had joined him on base? Once it was proven that he wasn’t going to hop from state to state, or country to country, you could have joined him. But the thought of being a “military wife” tasted like sand in your mouth. You didn’t want to trade in a normal life for whatever the hell that was. You didn’t want Cadence to grow up coddled from the world.

No one was going to protect her because the world didn’t protect little Black girls. You didn’t want her to grow up with rose-colored glasses, thinking the world began and ended at the base. You wanted her strong but soft. Capable of taking care of herself but not hiding behind a steel wall all the time.

“Girl, you know that man loves you and Cadence. Have you talked to him at all?” Gianna asked. She shielded her eyes from the sun to look at Cadence doing cartwheels.

“Every time I try to, I get so choked up I can’t speak. And I don’t want him to see how much I’m struggling,” you said.

“He’s your husband. He’s supposed to see your struggle,” Gianna said. She leaned forward and looked at you. You felt her assessing gaze as if she was trying to see past your words. But there was nothing to see past.

Day by day, it became clearer that you no longer spoke the same language as your husband. He became a stranger before your eyes and you hadn’t noticed. Or had you not cared? You loved him still. You were very much still in love with him. But you weren’t going to hold him back.

The next time Terry came home, you were going to talk to him. Truly talk. And let him know that you weren’t going to hold him to a marriage he didn’t want to be in. Just thinking it turned your stomach sour. You didn’t want to let him go, didn’t want some other woman to get her claws in him. Didn’t want to “co-parent” with some chicken head with fake boobs.

You sure as shit didn’t want to see him kissing all over some other woman. Or have him create more children with someone else. But what was the alternative? Spend the rest of your life in a state of limbo. Longingly looking down the quiet street for a car that was never going to pull up?

The whole thing made you sick to your stomach. You didn’t know what you were going to do. But you knew this was your rock bottom. You couldn’t stand it another second.

“The other day, Cadence showed her entire ass screaming and all I could think was, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t half parent her. Not when he hangs the moon and I’m the monster under her bed,” you said.

“Where is this coming from? Why didn’t you call me?” Gianna took your hand in hers and shifted towards you.

“I thought I could handle it, is all,” you said and shrugged. Cadence was your child. Why should you pass the buck to someone else just to get a break? A break from your own child. That was your mom’s MO. She had to distract you in order for you to leave her alone. And now you were doing the same thing to your kid.

You were a mess and you were drowning. You were so far underwater there was no more light above you. And your light was a few states away toiling away at a job he loved more than you.

“Mommy! Auntie Gigi, loooook!” Cadence said, trying to turn a cartwheel into a flip but only flopped onto her butt.

“You be careful out there, little girl! But great job!” You said.

She got up and dusted herself off, nodding to herself. Then she kept practicing, falling over and over. But she kept getting up. You hoped she continued as she got older.

“You better talk to that man, you know he not gon’ like this,” Gianna said.

You squeezed her hand. Yeah. Yeah, that was putting it nicely.

&&&

Three years ago…

You sat down on the brown couch with a deep sigh. Terry chuckled and hummed tiredly, reaching his arm down from over the couch to pull you closer.

“You sound how I feel,” he said. Light from the TV splayed across his handsome face, a mix of colors dancing across his features. It was too dark in the living room to see his storm-blue eyes but you saw enough.

“That girl, I swear. I don’t know what kinda DNA you got swimming, but that is your child,” you said. You shifted until you were tucked protectively under his arm and against his chest. His heart thumped against your cheek and you closed your eyes briefly. Still your favorite song in the whole world.

“Nah, anything after seven is your baby. You never go to sleep on time,” he said.

“Yes, I do. Sometimes,” you said.

“What time you go to bed last night?” He asked. His thumb traced lazy patterns on your shoulder. The sound was muted on the TV but you looked at the picture. He was in the middle of some old movie from the 60s.

“That is beside the point,” you said, remembering that you didn’t go to bed until 2am. The night just made more sense to you to be awake. Day time was a burden and a half.

Terry chuckled and shook his head. “I can’t believe we got her down. When is she going to grow out of her terrible fours?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I thought we were tiring her out. That wasn’t even her final form,” you said and groaned.

“I have a crazy thought,” he said.

“Mhm, what’s that?” You asked.

“What if we had another?” He asked.

You leaned away from him to look him in the face. He looked back at you with no change in his expression. He was serious. Like really serious. You leaned up further and faced him. “After today, you want another one?” You asked.

Cadence had been more than a handful lately. Since her Daddy came home, she had run him ragged taking up all his free time. She wanted to play princess or go for a horseback ride. She wanted to run around the backyard with him and push her stuffed teddies on the small swing set he built for her.

She wanted to lay down with him for her nap and yes, he had to climb under the Bluey blanket with her whether he fit or not. You did snap a thousand pictures and giggled to yourself while you got to some household chores.

After the nap, he had to watch TV with her. And he had to play dolls while he did so, non-negotiable. Then, for no reason at all, she ripped off her clothes and went streaking through the house. You two nearly gave up trying to chase her around.

Terry finally managed it and gave her a bath while you finally went to lay down. Goodness knew you needed it. Terry indulged in every little whim of Cadence’s and you told him often that he was doing nothing but spoiling her rotten.

“I know, but I can’t help it. She got me wrapped around her tiny finger. I miss so much,” he had said when you told him.

And now he wanted another?

“Yeah, before she gets too big. She could use a buddy. Our family is so small,” he said. His smooth voice trailed off, getting lost in thought as he stared at the TV. You wondered if he was even seeing it. Or if he was lost in a thought or a memory.

You cupped his cheek and caressed it with your thumb. “But are you sure?” You asked. Unlike Terry, you remembered what it was like trying to carry the child alone. You had no choice but to endure and handle it if Terry was gone during this pregnancy too. But sometimes, you got the sinking feeling that he was always looking for a way out and he just didn’t know how to tell you.

“You and Cadence mean absolutely everything to me. Yes, I’m sure,” he said. He smirked and bumped your shoulder.

“Remember all the fun we had making Cadence?” He pulled you closer and nuzzled your cheek with his nose. You held firm, refusing to give in to his charms. You were not going down that easy. You refused. Absolutely refused.

“I must’ve turned your little world. You stay bringing that up,” you said, pushing him away.

Terry held firm, moving his nose down to your neck and inhaling. He hummed, low and deep in his chest causing it to rumble. The sound carried up and down your spine, sending electric shocks through your brain. “Been waiting for you to do that shit again,” he said.

You giggled and leaned away. He followed and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Lemme give you a baby,” he said.

You laughed and shook your head. “You are out of your mind,” you said.

“You know you wanna be swollen with my baby again,” he said. He moved his hand to your shirt and searched beneath it, rubbing his fingers along your skin. You sighed with a moan, shifting your body closer. He was a cheating ass nigga.

“You get on my nerves,” you said. You feebly pushed at his chest but he was a mountain. Too immoveable. He grinned against your neck and then kissed it, his lingering lips sending pulses of heat straight to your pussy.

“You just wanna cum all up in this again. Admit it,” you said, giggling.

“I admit it. I confess. I am guilty,” he whispered against your neck.

You managed to giggle and moan at the same time, your brain in full on mush mode. There was nothing but the feeling of his hands on your tummy. He didn’t venture anywhere else, just ran the rough pads of his fingers against your skin.

It was more than enough. You pushed into him, needing more but not willing to say it. You couldn’t utter a single sound so you talked with your body. The only language you and Terry spoke well.

“Use your big girl words,” he said.

“You get on my nerves!” You said.

Terry smiled against your skin. “I love you too,” he said.

&&&

Four months ago…

“DADDDDDYYYYYYYY!” Cadence’s scream was loud enough to wake the dead ten towns over. As soon as Terry stomped into the house, light shining behind him, Cadence was on him like white on rice.

She launched herself into his arms and he had to kneel or get ran over. He scooped her up into his arms and hugged her tight. “How’s my babygirl?” He asked. He kissed her head and leaned back to look at her face.

His eyes softened as she talked a mile a minute, telling him every thought that came out of her head. Terry fixed her purple flowered shirt while she spoke. He nodded and asked her questions as he set his duffel bag down and closed the door behind him.

You stood off to the side, feeling like a sack of meat for all the enthusiasm Cadence showed you. You shouldn’t be jealous and well…no one said you had to be rational all of the time.

You stood rooted to the spot, knowing that whatever came next was going to hurt. It was going to break you. And yet it would shatter you if you didn’t.

Terry kept throwing glances your way like he knew something was up but couldn’t pinpoint what. He squinted at you and still paid attention to Cadence’s stream of consciousness.

“And then Mustard said that I was a booger, but that’s not true because boogers are green and I’m not green,” Cadence said.

“You tell Mustard to be nicer to you,” Terry said. He walked over to you and dropped a kiss to your forehead. His large palm cupped the back of your neck and he held his lips to your head. You closed your eyes and breathed in his uniquely manly scent.

“Welcome home,” you whispered. You leaned back and looked at him. He tilted his head and massaged the back of your neck. Your shoulders drooped as he rubbed, all ounces of tension leaving your body.

Why couldn’t he make this easier? It was just like your stupid heart to plum forget the past few months he was on base. You never could stand on business. Not with your mom and not with Terry. It was a curse, it truly was.

You and Terry fell into an unspoken truce while Cadence soaked up having her Daddy home. You spent most of the time in the living room, talking, laughing, and telling Terry about everything he missed. Everything you didn’t get to discuss over the computer.

Terry had to know something was up. He kept reaching out to you but you found ways to dodge or get up to do something. You weren’t trying to be a bitch. But you didn’t want to fall into his arms if he was only going to hate you later.

It’d be easier to stomach his hate and anger if you didn’t have his lingering touch on your skin. So you continued to move and fawn and shake him off anyway you could.

Cadence had to have Terry read her the bedtime story, not asking for you once. Not throwing a tantrum once. Not even a sniffle. Little booger.

You made some tea in the kitchen while Terry stayed with Cadence until she truly fell asleep. If she sensed Terry moving a muscle, she’d wake up groggily and ask for him. You waited at the dining table with a steaming mug of tea nestled between your palms but you swore you felt none of the heat.

Terry shuffled into the kitchen and sighed as he sat down in the chair. He looked so ragged. But beautiful as always. Loving Terry was like loving a precious jewel. It hurt to look at but it hurt worse to look away.

He leaned one arm on the table and leveled you with a stare. “What’s up with you?” He asked.

You took a deep breath and stared at your mug. “I have to talk to you about something important. And I didn’t want to get in the way of Cadence seeing you,” you said.

“What’s going on? Just tell me,” he said.

“I don’t want to be a single mother anymore,” you said. You held up your hand as Terry pitched forward, confusion twisting his features. “You’re an amazing father, Terry. But…I want my husband home. And I won’t make you choose between the Corps and me.”

“That’s not even a choice,” he said. You held up your hand again before he could continue to argue. Yes, it was a choice. He clearly loved what he did. And you knew he loved Cadence. But you were feeling pretty fucking unloved. You knew it wasn’t intentional on his part. You knew that if you just told him what’s up, he’d do everything in his power to make it up to you.

But you were terrified that he’d wake up one day and resent you for making him quit while he was ahead. You wouldn’t survive that.

“This isn’t something new for me. And I know it feels out of left field, but I think I’ve been feeling like this since we had Cadence. I kept waiting for you to say enough is enough and you’d resign from the service and come home. I kept waiting for you to make that decision but you never did. You kept going and going and going.”

“I did it for us. So that you and Cadence were taken care of,” he said.

“I know. Baby, I know,” you said. You gripped the mug hard enough to break it. The heat singed your palms but you let it. Your heart thumped too fast, stealing your breath. You vibrated with nervous energy, stomach twisting into painful knots.

You hated that confrontation made it seem like your insides wanted to crawl out of your skin. You hated the sinking feeling that you were hurting someone even though you were hurting too. You hated that your voice shook and tears threatened to fall.

“But you’re not here all the time. You don’t see that Cadence can be a fucking nightmare sometimes and it’s just me. I never thought it’d be just me when I had a family. I thought I’d have my husband with me. And I’m tired of feeling like a weak ass bitch for wanting that.

“And I get lonely. And sad. And tired. And I keep thinking that you’re not here. You’re off taking care of us and how can I be mad at you for that? But I am. I can’t stand it. I’m at my fucking limit, Terry, and I can’t keep going back and forth between hoping you came home and thinking it’d be easier if you didn’t.

“I won’t make you choose. Because I love you too fucking much,” you said. The tears came anyway, streaming down your face. Ugh. Now you were crying and he’d think you were manipulating him. It was the last thing you wanted him to think.

“You love me but you’re trying to leave me? This is fucking insane,” he said. He pushed away from the table and you nodded, looking back down at your mug. It was insane. You were definitely insane.

He paced the length of the kitchen, hands on his hips as he shook his head. “Fuckin’ unreal.”

You rubbed your head. “I can’t be stuck in limbo anymore. If I knew where I stood with you, I could move accordingly. But I’m not that strong. I am exhausted fighting my brain and my heart all the time,” you said.

“And what about what I want? What if I don’t want to let you go?” He asked. His voice strained and your heart ached for him. This was so fucking painful, like shards of glass embedded into every beat of your heart.

“I’m not happy. And I’m not trying to hurt you, it’s not you in particular that made me unhappy. I just am. I’m constantly feeling like a bad mother. I’m constantly feeling like a failed wife. Because why else aren’t you home? Why aren’t you here with me?” You sobbed harder, silently, tears falling in scalding streaks down your face.

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” He asked. His voice rose and your tears only fell harder. You were just a failure of a person, not able to make your child happy. Your husband happy. Yourself happy.

“I didn’t want to make you choose,” you said.

“You keep saying that as if I wouldn’t choose you every time!” His voice rose higher, practically yelling at you and you swiped at your face. You hated crying. Pressure built in your face and made everything gross and full of snot.

Terry lifted fists to his face and knocked his forehead. “I knew something was up with you. I knew it and I just couldn’t name it. This is my fault, I know that,” he said.

“It’s not! You’re a good father,” you said.

“But a terrible husband?” He asked.

“I didn’t say that!” You said.

Terry paced the kitchen some more, rubbing furiously at his face. If he had his facial hair, he’d probably tug at it. “I thought you wanted me away. I thought…you hated having me here. It seemed like you never wanted to talk over the phone anymore or you barely looked at me on chat. I should’ve known that was my clue to check back in,” he said.

“Will you please stop saying it’s your fault? I’m in this relationship too and I haven’t been the best wife,” you said. You knew that you could have done better. Could have talked more openly. Told hm you were struggling over the years but you didn’t want him to feel guilty while he was at work. He was providing for you after all. And you thought you could be happy with that. But you weren’t. You were a basic simp. You wanted your husband. And you’d rather beg on the street with him than live in luxury without him.

“How could you say that? You’re an amazing wife. It’s my job to make sure that’s not a doubt in your mind,” he said.

You groaned. “M-Maybe we just need to cool off,” you said.

“No, no, we can fix this. Don’t shut me out!” He said.

“I can’t help it!” You yelled.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know!” You swiped angrily at your tears. “Because I’m broken? Because I’m a horrible person? I don’t know! I don’t know how to be happy. I don’t know how to let things go. I don’t know how to live and let live. My brain is fucking mean and every time we get off the phone, I start worrying that I’m bugging you? Holding you back? Am I selfish for wanting you at the cost of my happiness? Is that self love or destruction? I can’t fucking tell anymore, Terry, and it scares the hell out of me.”

You stood up and turned away from him, looking down at your left hand. You looked at the simple band he got when he first proposed. He promised to replace it as soon as you had two nickels to rub together but you told him not to bother. The band was to deter other men from talking crazy to what belonged to him. You just wanted him.

You never took it off. Never. It was practically glued to your finger. But you turned around and slipped it off.

Terry stood up and backed away. “Don’t you fuckin’ dare,” he seethed.

His eyes were a raging storm, swirling with mixed emotions. His shapely eyebrows were curved downward, nostrils flaring. If you waved a red flag, he would surely charge you.

“I know I’ve been a shit husband. I…used the military as an excuse. That maybe we just worked better apart. But all I’ve been doing is hurting us both. Creating this distance between us. I want nothing more than to come home to you and Cadence. I’m on leave. We can talk this out,” he said.

“All you’re going to do is convince me that things will change. And the next time you go back to work, we’re back to the same shit. What kind of life is that?”

“I’ll put in my papers tomorrow. I’ll get a local job,” he said.

“And what will you say when you wake up years from now resenting me?” You asked.

“What the fuck is it going to take for you to believe me?” He asked.

You sighed. “I don’t know,” you said. You looked down at your feet. What would convince you? You weren’t sure. You didn’t want Terry to jump through hoops to prove that he was still the man you were in love with.

You lifted your gaze to him just in time to see him swipe at a lone tear halfway down his cheek. He stepped closer and you tensed, waiting for him to explode. To yell or scream or call you out of your name. But your husband would never.

Instead, he paused just beside you, facing forward. He didn’t move to touch you. Didn’t press for more contact than what you were willing to give at the moment. You felt fragile. Raw. Like you could collapse at any moment.

“Don’t you ever take that ring off your finger. I’m not done fighting for us. And until you figure out what it will take, I’m not letting you go. I swear to you I’ll never leave you and Cadence. Both of you are my reason for living and if it takes my last breath, we’ll be a family again. I’ll stay at Mike’s for a while, but I’ll be back in the morning to tell Cadence myself,” he said.

He walked out of the kitchen and like the coward you were, you let him. Maybe you should have kept your mouth shut. Because this was true agony. This was a hell of your own making and you still weren’t sure what the fuck was wrong with you.

Maybe you truly were that broken.

The end, end.

WHEW. I'm sorry, my loves. The Secret Terry Richmond Files

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sigma-alpha-writer-chad · 3 months ago

Text

Grow Up, Would You? [Josh Washington]

“I don’t know if you’ve changed any since middle school but I really hope you’ve learned the difference between pranking somebody and just being a fucking bully.”

You can also find this story on Ao3!

Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three

[CHAPTER TWO]

CW: Marijuanna use

“Chris, I’m not so sure about this,” I mumble, crossing my arms as I follow my cousin down the forest trail. “Things are just going to get super awkward.”

“Then just… don’t talk to him. Can’t be that hard, right?” Chris responds. I can tell that he knows as well as I do that Josh himself would do whatever it takes to get under my skin in any given circumstance.

“It’s his house,” I retort.

“It’s Hannah’s get together,” he replies. “She knows how you guys are, hopefully she’ll get him off your ass.” I say nothing. "Just..." Chris stops walking and turns around to look me in the eyes.

"What?"

"Just please try to get along?" He asks. His expression is serious and pleading. I sigh, heavily. Why wasn't he on my side? Why can't Josh try to get along with me?

"Sure, Chris," I relent. "I'll... do my best." Chris smiles at me appreciatively and continues down the trail. I hate this. I don't want to be walked over, I don't want to be the doormat or the verbal punching bag for whoever was in a bad mood that day - especially Josh's. But I didn't want to ruin everybody else's good mood, either. If no one else sees a problem, why am I so upset?

The autumn trees towered above us, providing shelter from the warm sun – although some warmth would be appreciated as the temperatures dropped lower by the day. I’d only been to the Washington house before for some rager of a graduation party, when the sky was dark. With the sun, however, the gorgeous forest could make me almost forget I was on a death march to the lair of my enemy.

Chris and I finally make it to the porch of the Washington home. He turns to me, as if to say “after you!” I hold my arms tighter to my body and shake my head. So, after a roll of the eyes, he knocks. There’s a muffled call from the other side to let us know someone was coming to let us in. Just my luck, Joshua opens the door.

“What are you, Chris, a vampire? Gotta be invited in, now?” Josh jokes, a wide grin on his face.

“I’m with Jordan,” Chris says, as if clarifying. Josh looks over Chris’s shoulder to see me. I swear I see his smile widen, and I can only think that can’t be good.

“You can leave her outside, Chris, no worries,” Josh snickers as he steps aside, holding open the door for Chris and I. As I walk past, I nod and offer a gentle thanks. “You’re welcome, pet.” Immediately, Chris sighs as if he knows whats coming. He knows I want to say something – but the guilt I feel in my chest for ruining every good mood keeps me from speaking. Instead, I just give him a hurt, frustrated look.

Josh seems surprised. Next to the shock, though, is a flash of an emotion I can’t quite catch. It’s Josh, however. So I didn’t much care. I walked into the living room, where everyone else was waiting. Hannah stands up and hurries to greet me, walking straight past Chris to pull me into a hug.

“Ahh, thank you for coming! I’m glad you could make it!”

“Oh, uhm, thank you!” I pause. “For inviting me, I mean. You have a lovely home.” I give an awkward bow, staring wide-eyed at the floor. You’re so fucking weird, what are you doing?! I scold myself. I know they’re thinking it, too, but I once again push the negative thoughts away.

“We’re gonna head down to the basement,” Hannah says, smiling as if I hadn’t just made the most awkward air possible. “Do you smoke?” I’m taken by surprise. Chris, Josh, and everyone else walks past Hannah and I and towards the stairs.

“Smoke?” I repeat. “What, like, weed?” Hannah giggles.

“Yes, like, weed,” she says.

“Yeah, sometimes. Not often, though.”

“Great! We have weed.”

“Sounds… good.” A part of me is relieved. Maybe with something in my system I’ll be able to relax for once. Especially around Josh. I feel a burning anger in my chest at just the thought of him. Hannah takes my hand firmly and begins to lead me to the stairs the others had gone down. I make a mental note that the twins both really seem to like holding hands. Not that I minded. It just wasn’t that common for someone to take your hand in theirs when showing you around their house.

We get to the basement, and it’s noticeably colder. And massive. My eyebrows raise as I look around the room. There’s a huge TV mounted on the wall, a large circular wooden table in the middle of the room on a round, purple rug. Around the table for seating were two L couches, and on the couches were Hannah’s friends. Not everyone, though.

Matt, Sam, and Jess were missing, leaving just Ashley, Mike, and his girlfriend Emily, who was casually sitting on his lap. Next to Mike and Emily, Chris unsurprisingly had sat next to Ashley, leaving the other couch to Hannah, Beth, Joshua and I. For a moment I wondered if this could be some kind of set up. Hannah quickly left my side to sit next to Beth on the furthest end of the couch. On the other side was, of course, Joshua, rolling a joint. And, of course, the only open seat was next to him.

And he knew it.

I didn’t want to be rude or, again, make things awkward. And so, I sat next to Joshua Washington. It’s here, watching him focused on something that I suddenly realize how tired he looks. The underside of his eyes were dark, as if he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in days.

“Like what you see?” Josh smiles, eyebrows raised. I frown in response.

“No.” I immediately regret this as the vibe is instantly brought down by my rude answer. “I mean, like, not NO, but I just mean I didn’t -”

“Calm down, girl, I’m just… just JOSHING ya,” he laughs. I roll my eyes but I can’t help the small smile that hints at my face. Josh’s head snapped to his sisters, mouth wide open in a smile as if he can’t believe I was capable of anything but a straight face or a frown. “I made her smile!” He whisper yells. I hate it, but it makes it harder to keep the smile down. Somehow I manage not to fully grin.

“Alright, you first, Mike,” Josh says, handing the dark haired boy the joint. Mike takes a long drag and shotguns it to Emily. My lip twitches, threatening to make an obvious sneer at the strong PDA.

“Ohh, spicey,” I hear Josh laugh. “Chris and Ashley next.” Ashley and Chris immediately chime in in a chorus of no’s. Chris takes the joint and takes a hit. I notice his hands are shaking. The idea of his lips so close to Ashley’s is more than it appears he can take. I can hear Josh continue to laugh to himself as Ashley is handed the joint.

“So, what’s the plan for the winter this year?” Beth says, her face shining with excitement. “Are you guys coming?” Mike and Emily look away from each other, their teasing and giggling cut short by Beth’s question. Despite the unhappy look on Emily’s face, she answers. Ashley passes the joint to Hannah.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, hon,” she smiles, but it looks forced and sarcastic, even. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as to why she’s here – and why does she keep getting invited? Mike nods next to her, a smile on his handsome face. He seems much more laid back and agreeable than his girlfriend, who I notice is looking me up and down. “Do you have a problem or something, weird girl?” I’m taken aback at the sudden confrontation and I sit up straight. My heart begins to pound. Hannah passes the joint to Beth.

“No, I don’t. I was just -”

“Staring at me like some sort of creep? Yeah, I saw. I saw you look at my man, too. What’s up? You want him?”

“What? No, I -”

“You can’t have him. So eyes off, bitch.” I clench my jaw, hard. I swear I almost cracked a tooth.

"Emily -" Mike starts, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration and embarrassment. He shoots me a worried, apologetic look.

"No, it's fine," I say, staring Emily directly in the eyes. As I expected, she takes it as a challenge. "I looked at you, yeah. When you're sucking face like that it's hard to ignore." Beth passes the joint to Josh.

"Well, keep looking." Emily hisses, throwing her arms around Mike and holding his neck tightly. I wonder if he can breathe. I clear my throat and look up at Chris. His eyes are already a bit droopier, but through his mild high he still looks back at me with a sort of pity and embarrassment that I just can't stand.

Josh hands me the joint.

"Go on, take a big drag, babydoll," Josh grins at me. I frown at him. He did nothing wrong, but I still can't help but feel like he's making fun of me in some way. Still, I ignore the nickname. I know he's just trying to get under my skin, yet I can feel the tips of my ears heat up in embarrassment. I side-eye Josh as I put the blunt in between my lips. He's staring at me as if he's studying me, his ever present smile missing from his face, eyes half closed. He couldn't be high that quickly, could he?

As he suggested, I take a long drag, adding a bit of 'coolness' by French inhaling.

"Oh, so cool, I've never seen that before," Emily says sarcastically. I ignore her as I pass the weed back to Mike. Mike doesn't look at me as he takes it, instead glaring at Emily. I can tell he's embarrassed by her cruelty.

I don't hate Mike. He's never been my favorite person in the world, but he's never done anything to me or that I've seen that could make me dislike him other than his habit of... Well, women. However, I could tell that despite her attitude Mike saw something beneath that and really did care about Emily. He was handsome, I could never deny that. Thick, dark hair and brown eyes, a chiseled jaw and a decent body to match. The more time I spent near him the more I understood that he really wasn't a stereotypical 'high school hot guy.' Mr. Class President. He locks eyes with me and gives me an awkward smile. I can sense an apology in his expression. I want to return a look, but I quicky shift my gaze before Emily catches on to the telepathic conversation.

As we continue the rotation, the conversation of their winter plans continues on. I listen, but I don't contribute due to my lack of invitation. I look around me, and everyone looks happy and content. I can feel my own high start to creep up under my eyes, and I can't help but smile to myself. It was pleasant. Even though these were people I didn't yet consider friends outside of Chris, Beth, and Hannah, I didn't feel completely out of place in this moment. I felt content for the first time in a long time.

An hour passes.

"Hey, I'm sorry, where's your bathroom?" I ask. I start to think I might be greening out and I needed a moment to myself. Josh turns to me, a dopey grin on his face.

"The bathroom?" He asks. I smile back at him.

"Yeah, the bathroom."

"What for?" Josh scoots closer as if to hear me better.

"I'm getting anxious, I think," I admit. This surprises me. Why would I tell Josh I'm anxious? So he can make it worse? Instead of poking fun at me and telling everyone to look, his smile fades slightly and his eyebrows twitch in what looks like concern.

"Anxious? Are you ok?"

"I'm greening," I say, widening my eyes for a moment to exaggerate. Josh takes my hand.

"I will escort you to the bathroom," he says, standing up. "It's kind of a maze, this house." He's smiling at me. Even under the influence I can't help but search for any sign of malicious intent. My anxiety spikes further. What does he have planned?

"Can't you just tell me how to get there?" I ask, though I stand with him anyway.

"Yeah, but you'll get lost."

"Joshua Washington," Hannah starts, her tone that of a parent warning their child. "You better not upset her or I swear..."

"Yeah!" Beth chimes in.

"Awe, guys, give me a chance! Give me a chance..." He trails off, beginning to lead me to the stairs, still holding my hand. When we're further away, I inform him that my hand was still in his. "Oh, can I just keep holding it? Your hands are just so soft." I say nothing. How do I respond to that? Is this some sort of joke?

"Your hands are calloused," is all I can muster.

"Oh, man, is that bad?"

"No."

We stand in front of a door. I assume it's the bathroom but I can't think clearly. Josh just stares at me. I ask him if this is the bathroom. He says nothing. He's expressionless.

"You seem anxious around me, do I make you anxious?"

"Is this the bathroom?" I ask. Silence. My heart is pounding. What is he trying to do? Embarrass me? He's staring into my very being. Of course he makes me anxious.

"...yeah." He steps aside, opening the door for me. He suddenly seems sober. I feel a pang of guilt as I walk past him and into the bathroom. Why? I stare at myself in the mirror, studying my own features. I'm not wearing any makeup, but I kind of wish I did. Maybe some mascara, or something. My cheeks and the tips of my ears were a light red, my flustered state obvious. As I observe myself, my mind wanders to the people out there, in the basement. Chris seems to really enjoy their company. Outside of Emily and Josh, I do too. Yet I still can't help but question it all.

Did they see me as a charity case? They never invited me to anything before, no texts after I'd moved. The friendship or my classmates was utterly and completely out of nowhere. Why did Beth and Hannah invite me? My pupils are dilated. I look tired. My eyes water. Will I be invited again? I think I hope so.

A knock on the door makes me jump.

"Are you ok in there?"

"It's been like, 10 seconds."

"It's been like, 10 minutes, J." Had it really been that long? There was no way. J? I find myself wondering where such a familiar sounding nickname came from.

"Are you timing me?" I ask.

"No," he answers. "I'm not." A beat of silence.

"Have you been waiting for me this whole time?" Josh doesn't answer. After a moment of silence, he knocks again.

"Are you ok in there?" I roll my eyes and sigh in frustration, opening the door and stepping out. Well, trying to. Josh is standing directly in the opening and I bump into him, hard, but he doesn't stumble. He grabs both my shoulders as if to hold me still, keep me from falling over. I only notice now he's taller than me by a few inches, my eyes in line with his mouth.

"Yeah," I say, frozen in place. He's touching me

Why is he touching me? Why? His grip loosens, noticing how tense I am.

"You were just in there for a while, and," he paused, taking a step back. "I dunno, sometimes people cry at get togethers or whatever." I chew on my lower lip. I had almost cried. "It would've been a major bummer, or whatever."

"Do I look like I was crying?"

"Yes." I'm taken aback, lifting my hands to my face. Sure enough, my cheeks are wet with what can only be tears.

"How would - how would you know?" Now it's his turn to be embarrassed. He takes another step back from me as he looks at the wall to my left, shifting his weight. Is he nervous?

"...I've seen you cry a lot."

"Oh. Right." The silence is deafening. "Let's go back downstairs." I wipe my face dry with the sleeves of my sweater. "Thanks for showing me where the bathroom is." I try to change the subject. He says nothing, only offering me a nod this time. He doesn't take my hand.

"Next time you're on your own." He huffs, turning on his heel and walking quickly away from me and back towards the basement. I'm taken aback by the sudden shift in attitude but I bite my tongue. I promised Chris I would do my best to get along with Josh, and I intended to keep it. But damn was it difficult.

Back into the basement, Josh is already sat and smoking. I furrow my eyebrows. Did he have to be high to tolerate my presence? I shake the thought from my head and take my place next to him. He shifts, scooting slightly further away from me. My chest fills with a deep, rumbling anger, and I grip the sides of the couch tightly. I didn't do anything to him.

"You'll be coming, right, Jordan?" Beth asks. I snap out of my thoughts and lean forward to see her over her brother, who stiffens.

"What? Coming to what?" I ask. Beth smiles and rolls her eyes playfully. I can hear Emily snicker and Mike sigh at her in mild frustration, saying her name as if in a warning - again. Chris is watching Josh, his eyes seemingly scanning for something.

"Our parents own a lodge up on a mountain," Hannah answers for Beth. "In the winter we all spend a few days up there. No parents, if you were wondering."

"And you're invited," Beth butts in. "It would be rude of us to talk about it so much in front of you if we didn't plan on taking you along." I'm passed the blunt, but I don't hit it this time. I'm high enough.

"Uh, well, I don't know," I start, chewing at my bottom lip. I glance at Josh, who is staring at me intensely. The sudden eye contact kind of freaks me out. I look at Chris, who shrugs at me, his expression wide eyed and clueless. Emily rolls her eyes, and the twins look at me expectantly. "I... I don't think I would be any fun." My heart pounds. I don't want to spend time trapped on a mountain for days near Joshua Washington. I would expect to wake up one morning with my mattress somehow moved outside as a "joke."

"What? Why?"

"I'm just not a partier." I gulp. I look again at Chris. I can't tell what he's thinking. Does he want me to come? Does he think I'll ruin it for him? For everyone?

I think I would.

"Jordan, please. Just think about it?" Hannah pleads, standing up from her place on the couch to crouch down in front of me like a parent talking to their child. I can feel Josh's gaze boring into me, telling me I'd better not dare to say yes. My eyes snap to his, my head unmoving.

If you come to the lodge I will make your life hell.

The anger in me bubbles and burns to the point of pain, my jaw clenching. I can't help but think about how many times I'd missed out on something because Joshua Washington would be there or even nearby. How many tears have I shed over this asshole? And now what? Now he thought he could control me?

"Jordan?" Hannah repeats. I know she can see the staring battle between Josh and I.

"You know what, Hannah?" I start. Something in Josh's expression changes. The warning is still there, but now there's something else. Shock? Admiration?

"Yeah?" Hannah starts to smile, though there's a hint of nervousness to it. I wonder if regret ever creeped into her head.

Fear?

I don't know. But I know I'm done with agreeing to be put down and pushed around for the comfort of others. If Joshua Washington wanted a battle he sure as hell would get one, though this time there was no winning for him. I'm not laying down anymore. I turn my head so I'm fully facing him. His expression shifts further towards surprise and realization that something was different.

"I'll be there."

-------------------------

Whoo!! Sorry for the wait! Thank you for your patience.

Taglist: @sc4rrc @mattymxmo @cellyx33 @jenepleurepasbaby

#josh washington #josh washington x reader #josh washington x you #joshua washington #until dawn #until dawn x reader #x reader #jordan = y/n

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hwaslayer · 1 month ago

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the space between us three (jyh) | one.

⇢series masterlist | series playlist

⇢summary: while juggling the demands of life, yunho continues to do his best to raise his independent 11 yr old daughter, seora. throughout the years, they've built a strong foundation, an unbreakable bond— one that consists of late night talks and food runs, father/daughter dates, and sideline cheerleading at her basketball games. so when you unexpectedly come into their world, things shift. despite the uncertainty and the fear of stepping outside of their comfort zone, yunho and seora eventually learn how to open their hearts and learn how to rebuild a home where three can thrive together.

⇢pairing: single dad!yunho x f. reader

⇢genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, single dad au | fluff, angst, eventual smut

⇢word count: 7k

⇢chapter content/warnings: not much - just a basic intro to yunho x seora, yunho is 31 and seora is 11, cussing, mentions of character death, mentions of a tragic car accident by drunk driving, mentions of casual relationships (not yunho), mentions of distant/unsupportive parents

⇢a/n: it's finally here! i hope you all enjoy this journey and tysm for coming along! i'm not sure what the update schedule will be for this, but i'll try my best to update in between wildfire; this series came to me suddenly so i barely did any prior planning or writing. 😭 anywho, ty again for your support on this! <33

"Seora." Yunho calls her name one last time as he pops in two toaster strudels into the toaster. He lets out a small sigh, pausing when he doesn't hear any movements coming from her room. Just as he finishes getting his coffee together, he turns on his heel to head back down the hallway to check on his 11-year old daughter.

"I'm up." She mumbles, dragging herself across the hallway and into the bathroom. Yunho stands there for a minute, doing a slight head tilt before heading back to the kitchen.

"Well, that was slightly easy today." He finishes packing her lunch [some quickly made spam masubi], making sure she has all her favorite snacks tucked neatly in her lunch box. He nibbles onto some hardboiled eggs he made for himself, plopping Seora's toaster strudels onto a plate. She takes about a good 30 minutes before she's out and dressed in her uniform, hair neatly brushed and pulled back into a low ponytail. "Morning." He hands her the plate after she pours herself some milk. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine, I guess." She sits and takes a bite before looking at her dad, leaning against the counter. "Just wish it was still the weekend." Yunho chuckles.

"Told you to stop sleeping late. Scrolling through TikTok and all that mess."

"Dad. I beg to differ." She says so matter-of-factly. "I get a lot from TikTok. If anything, I'm up late cause I'm learning."

"Please. You could also learn alot from those books you carry into the school I pay heavily for."

"Yes, okay, but I learn other things. Like how to do cute hairstyles for myself. How to cook one pot dishes. What's important in an emergency kit. How to file taxes. Ou, and let's not forget the cool goodies on TikTok shop—"

"Why would you learn filing taxes on there?" Yunho furrows his brows. "It's not even something you need to worry about now."

"It's helping me prepare for the real world." She cocks a brow up and turns slightly. "What if you get too busy and forget to teach me?"

"Like you're not gonna pick up the phone to call me and have me do it for you when you get older." Yunho crosses his arms and leans back against the counter.

"See, no. I'll learn."

"Jeez, times really have changed."

"You're only 31 but you sure sound like you're turning 80." She looks at him with a small teasing smile even though he's squinting his eyes at her.

"I'll just act like you didn't say that." He playfully scoffs.

"Dad, don't you ever go on Instagram or Twitter? Anything?"

"Not like I used to. My Instagram is probably collecting cobwebs." She chuckles. "I just don't find it useful."

"I mean, you can see what your friends are up to. Like Uncle Hwa or Uncle Mingi. They post alot, no?"

"Your uncles don't even do anything fun. They aren't even fun."

"Uncle Mingi travels a lot!" Yunho shrugs and nods in agreement. "Anyway, there's also good resources on there, actually."

"I would have never thought Twitter or Instagram could be categorized as resources."

"Pushing 85 now." He's playfully rolling his eyes now.

"Hurry and eat so we can get you to school on time." He checks his watch. "You have practice today, right?"

"Mhm."

"Are you riding home with Chan-mi?"

"Yup!"

"Sorry, ace. I'll be home a bit after you, okay?" Seora smiles toothlessly at her father when she hears the beloved nickname slip from his lips. It had been a long time coming with that nickname, but Seora loves every bit of it. She knows it's her dad's way of saying he's proud of her in every way; all the good grades she gets, the games she plays, the hard days in and out of practice.

She is his ace, his everything.

"No big." She cleans up her plate and drinks the rest of her milk before washing her dishes.

"Text me what you want for dinner later." She nods, facing him after setting the dishes on the rack.

"Ready." She throws her backpack strap over her shoulder.

"Alright." He grabs his bag and his thermos before handing Seora her lunch bag. He takes one last look around the kitchen to make sure all is good and unplugged before heading out the door to the car. Seora is patiently waiting at the passenger's door, already scrolling away on her phone.

"Goodmorning you two!" Auntie Love, the next door neighbor, calls out. Yunho and Seora have grown a fond, wholesome relationship with their neighbors— they call themselves Auntie Love and Uncle Po. Despite having that relationship, Yunho feels like he doesn't know much about them besides the fact that their kids are grown and off doing their own thing— barely visiting cause of busy lives. At least, he's never seen them visit while he's around. They're sweet, and they always bring over food and check up on Seora when she's home alone while Yunho is still finishing up at work. "Where's my sweet girl?" Auntie Love comes running out in her pajamas just to give Seora a big bear hug. "Yunho, she grows more and more beautiful every day."

"Yeah she does, and the attitude grows, too!" She laughs just as he hops in the driver's seat, waving them off for the day.

"Dad." She buckles her seatbelt at the same time as he father, giving him the green light to drive off.

"That's me." Seora snorts. "What's up?"

"Have you ever met Auntie Love and Uncle Po's kids?"

"Never." Granted, Yunho and Seora just moved to their current spot about a year and a half ago, starting fresh in a smaller house that would be perfect for the two of them. But, he does find it a little odd that he's never even ran into them once. "I know they exist, I just never see them when I'm around. It's also kinda crazy cause Auntie Love said her daughter works at the same hospital as me, but it's such a huge hospital, I don't think we'd ever cross paths."

"That's pretty crazy if you did and you just didn't know it." Seora looks out the window. "I wonder why they don't visit often. They seem like such cool parents."

"People get busy and have their own lives to end to. Plus, the sad thing about parenting is that we prepare our kids to tough it out in the world without us." Yunho playfully pinches her cheeks, making her laugh a bit.

"I'll always need you." Yunho smiles.

"You say that now, but once you find your footing in the world and someone who will take care of you, I'll be a long distant memory."

"Stop. Don't say that. I'll always need you." She repeats, tugging onto his free arm and hugging onto it like a koala. Yunho laughs at her as she continues to tug on his arm, giving it a few more playful tugs before she's letting go. "Dad."

"Yes?"

"Can you take me and my friends shopping this weekend?"

"Oh, so that's why you were being that way?" He pokes fun at her and she laughs.

"No! It's obviously because I love you."

"I love you, too." He smiles. "What're you guys trying to do?"

"I wanna buy more stuff for my scrapbook. Like stickers and stuff. And they just wanna walk around an shop. Do cute girly things." She shimmies a bit in her seat.

"Don't you have a ton of scrapbooking supplies sitting on your desk?" Yunho flawlessly turns down the street, approaching the lot to her school.

"I'm running through them. Plus, I need more highlighters and pens. And there's a new edition of the sticker books I buy." She pouts and pleads. "Please, please, please!"

"Seora." He laughs. "Yeah, cause you could certainly use more." He jokes. "Sure. Just let me know. But!"

"But?" She looks at him.

"As long as I can drag one of your uncles along."

"Duh." She laughs. "You're the best." She mumbles as she types away on her phone, Yunho pulling into a spot to walk her towards the school entrance. He helps her with her backpack, duffle bag and lunch bag, trailing behind his daughter with his hands in his pockets. He greets a few parents and teachers, pausing in his tracks just as they get to the steps. She turns to look at him, a smile on her face. Yunho looks at her and still can't believe his babygirl is already 11, going on 12 soon. She's tall, just like her father. She's got the same eyes and smile, but she definitely has similarities to Eunha. She's become quite the athlete, head deep in her books.

Time sure flies.

"See you later, ace. Have a good day at school and practice, k? Remember, text me when you get home and what you're craving for dinner." She nods, throwing her arms around her dad before they do their little handshake.

"I will. Have a good day too, gramps." He rolls his eyes again and shakes his head as he watches her walk up the steps and disappear into the main lobby of the school.

"Goodmorning Yunho." One of the moms passing by waves and smiles sweetly at him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she tries to keep her blushing subtle. He gives her a simple nod of acknowledgement with a tiny smile, slipping into his car to head to work.

Yunho can't really remember the time he went on a real date.

He has met a few women, but super casually. He didn't really feel anything special with anyone, and he's someone who loves to connect with people. Otherwise, he finds it to be a waste of time. He's not sure how people [aka Uncle Mingi and Uncle Seonghwa] slept around without getting attached; he doesn't think he could pull it off the same way.

Plus, he comes with a forever plus one. His Seora, his babygirl, his ace. And he will always put her before anything, anyone.

Maybe Yunho was just numb. Losing Eunha was the hardest thing he's ever had to endure, and he still feels it 'till this day, as if that accident was yesterday. Seora had been shy over 4 years old when she was tragically struck by an oncoming drunk driver, leaving her car to flip off the highway. Seora barely got to live her life with her mother and that's what aches the most for Yunho. He knows she's fine, and he knows he's tried his best all these years to help shape her into who she is today. But, he knows there is a part of her that misses her mother terribly, that yearns for a mother's love even though Yunho has done everything he can to fill the shoes for both.

So, he thinks about that when he goes on dates. He could never replace Eunha, but he also knows him and Seora are good with where they're at. No one else needed to come into the mix to disrupt their flow for now. Although, he yearns for love too, though. He is scared, but he is equally sad that the truest, most raw form of love he's ever experienced was stripped away from him so fast— he barely got to indulge in Eunha being there as his wife. He's not sure if he'll ever move past it, even though Seonghwa and Mingi tell him time and time again that he deserves to experience love despite everything that's happened.

That he's still deserving of it, and that he should try to open his heart up to it.

He isn't sure how Seora would be though, and that's the most important thing for him. Because he just wants his daughter to be happy. He will always put her first.

When he drives off to work, he pulls into the staff garage and flashes his badge to the security guard waiting at the booth. He drives down to the 2nd level before he's able to find a spot and reverses into it flawlessly. He shuts off the car and grabs his backpack, heading straight to the stairs to bring him back up to the ground level and entrance of the main hospital.

The main hospital has 8 floors, with the emergency room off to the side and valet at the front for patient pickup. It's connected to an adjacent building, the older hospital— which has 3 floors and the older emergency room at the back end of the building. The pediatrics hospital is right behind the main hospital but there isn't a bridge connecting the two; staff typically have to take a 5-10 minute walk over if they need anything on that end. Along the ways are food trucks and mobile coffee trucks, with cafeterias and smaller cafés and shops situated inside the buildings itself.

The hospital is huge and could literally float and function as its own island if it wanted to.

"Morning, Yunho!" One of the front desk staff members greets him. Yunho sends them a small salute, before smiling and responding back.

"Goodmorning!" Yunho's dressed in jeans and a thick black sweater, the colder weather slowly making its way in at this time of the year. He heads up to the second floor, his office nestled in the corner of the huge office space dedicated to his IT team and part of the administrative team. He greets everyone goodmorning on the way over, setting his things down before he comes out to chat a bit with his team members.

"Yo." He leans against an empty desk while sipping on his coffee.

"Sup boss." Taehyun swings around in his chair, while his other two coworkers, Kyung-soo and Jihoon plop into their chairs. "How's it going?"

"Alright, not too bad." Yunho chuckles. "How about you?"

"All good, can't complain." His main team is made up of 10 people— Taehyun being the team lead, the others branching into specifics like system administrators, helpdesk techs and cybersecurity. His team alone supports a few departments since the hospital is so huge— other IT teams are spread out to cover other remaining wings; plus, the older hospital and the pediatrics corner. From time to time, they'll hop in and help if needed. Without Taehyun's help triaging and prioritizing certain tasks, Yunho wouldn't be able to focus on the high-level aspects of his job. Of course, their team meshes with so many different departments within the hospital— they're all involved deeply in current ongoing and new developments.

"Didn't seem like we got too many tickets last night? Any urgent action items come up in the last hour or so?" Taehyun shakes his head.

"Not really. We've been sorting through and closing out those tickets. Most have been quick fixes." Yunho nods.

"Sounds good. I gotta work on that new clinical project that's opening up on the fifth floor soon. Might loop some of you guys in to help with the Epic implementation and other tweaks we might need to incorporate for patient ordering."

"Aye! They're finally moving forward with it?" Yunho chuckles.

"Yeah, I guess they've slowly been recruiting patients for their program so they've been moving at a quick pace for the space and everything."

"Sick, that'll be a big project."

"Yup, already starting to feel like it. Thanks for handling those tickets. If we can make sure we stay on top of the queue and help get the AV system going for the board meeting happening in the next hour, that would be great." Yunho goes through a few other priorities he needs his team members to focus on, thanking them for all their hardwork before excusing himself to the office and beginning his own project planning and schedule organization.

He's got a few higher-level meetings to hop into, especially to debrief about the new clinical department opening up and its current timeline. He also needs to set some time aside to brainstorm the data migration request he got a few days ago for another department, along with figuring out how to structure this new department's servers, bandwidth and storage.

It doesn't sound like much, but Yunho definitely has his day cut out for him.

And as he expected, he's barely getting a moment to breathe. Especially when Taehyun pulls him into an urgent server issue that has him thinking on his feet for close to 15 minutes until he realizes the best way to move forward without any major data loss. Then, he's making it to the next meeting but he is already exhausted and hungry. He doesn't get the chance to grab lunch until 1:30pm— Yunho rushing over to the cafeteria to grab today's lunch special before they stop offering hot food.

"Today ended up being a lot busier than expected." Yunho mumbles as he slips into a seat, Taehyun and Jihoon following suit in the spaces in front of him.

"Seriously. Thanks for your help with the servers."

"All good." Yunho chuckles. "Sooner or later, we'll find better ways to tackle those issues. I know we're gonna have to work on upgrades soon."

"Agreed. And it's probably about time." Jihoon chimes in. "I know we were kinda brushing it off for a bit but I'm slowly seeing it crumble." Yunho nods.

"Nah, I agree. I'll think about it over the next few days. Let me know if you guys have any ideas." Yunho sips his water. "I'll also need your help for the clinical project a lot sooner than expected. I'll forward any invites so you two can start attending meetings. It'll be good for you to get involved now so you have a better idea of the setting and the trials taking place in this new department."

"Sounds good! Let me know if you need anything else, we'll be happy to help out." Yunho smiles and cocks his head to the side.

"Thanks. How's everything else been with you guys? I've been going through candidates, but I expect us to interview and wrap up the whole thing by next month. We'll get some extra help."

"Thanks, boss. That's good to hear." Taehyun hums. "And hm, I think everyone's completely fine and taking it day by day. No one seems to be unhappy."

"We've got a good team and good people around us so I can't complain either. Days are busy but wouldn't want it any other way." Jihoon takes a spoonful of food into his mouth and shrugs. "Got a good manager." He points at Yunho.

"Well, least I'm doing something right?" Taehyun laughs and shakes his head.

"Have a little faith, will you?" Taehyun smiles. "The team doesn't go anywhere without you."

"I think it's the other way around for sure."

"Hey." Seonghwa pops in and sits next to Yunho. Taehyun and Jihoon nod at Seonghwa and send their usual greetings, Yunho knitting his brows at how flustered he looks.

"You okay? Should I even ask?" Seonghwa shakes his head.

"Just tired." Seonghwa takes a bite of the sandwich he brought over. "This health fair we've been planning is driving me crazy. Vendors have been too flakey and our deadline to finalize everything is next week. Plus, I gotta get those interviews and articles done for the new department by next week, too." Seonghwa is one of the marketing and communications managers for the hospital. He had been working here for a bit longer than Yunho, and actually introduced him to the hiring manager and IT director when they were in dire need of building a new team to support the growth of the new main hospital. They had both been working there for a couple of years, Seonghwa organically growing from the bottom up since he had started. Yunho respects him alot [besides the fact that he's one of his bestfriends], and admires his work ethic. Seonghwa is probably one of the constants in his life that helps push him to where he needs to be and serves as a reminder that he needs to keep going regardless of what life brings to the table.

"I bet you're hella roped into the fine details for that." Taehyun says.

"Yeah, and it doesn't help that the core faculty members are all crazy busy. They're all psychiatrists and neurosurgeons. I can barely get them to respond about meeting with me to talk about it." Seonghwa sighs. "Anyway, that's all. I just needed to let that out, so thanks." They all chuckle.

"Yeah." Yunho looks at him. "Going to that huge introductory meeting later this week then?"

"Mhm."

"By the way, how's you and Seora?" Taehyun asks.

"My ace!" Seonghwa adds.

"We're as good as we can be." Yunho smiles, eyes looking down at the polaroid on the back of his phone that Seora slipped in. It's a picture of them two at the amusement park, wearing cute headbands per her request.

"That's good. School and basketball still treating her okay?" Yunho nods. "Cool. I'm glad you're doing okay. I just wasn't sure when I could ask since you've been so busy."

"You can always pop into my office." Yunho laughs. "But, thank you. I appreciate you guys for asking and for all your help."

"Does she have a game soon?" Seonghwa cuts in to ask.

"Think so. Pretty sure."

"Let me know. I'll try and make it." Seonghwa's eyes are traveling across the room, situated on a person as they grab their lunch and sit at a table on the opposite end of the room.

"How's that going?" Yunho follows his gaze and lets out a small laugh. Jihoon and Taehyun can't help themselves either, subtly looking over their shoulder to see what has gotten Seonghwa all quiet. It's Yoori, one of the Directors of Space and Planning, and the same girl he had been seeing recently.

"I dunno. It's alright I guess."

"Do you think you'll end up in something serious with her?"

"No." Seonghwa chuckles it off, but internally, he's torn between keeping Yoori as his past-time or his full-time.

"She seems to like you a lot already." Yunho continues to look at Yoori as she talks to her coworkers. She's about 4 years older than them. Was in a long term relationship that ended a few months ago, according to Seonghwa. He thought it was a good opportunity to get to know her and have some fun, assuming she wouldn't be ready for a relationship. He might've been wrong because yeah, she does like him a lot already. She's been hinting at it a lot. It's not that Seonghwa can't see them being something serious— he's just not sure if he's ready to jump into that or take that road right now.

He likes his independence and he likes having fun, he's not gonna lie about it.

"Yeah, but we already talked about where we were at and she agreed on it, so."

"Uh huh.." Yunho responds. "You know, it's okay to want something serious." He chuckles. But, before Seonghwa can respond, he nods towards the aisle ahead.

"Hm." Seonghwa hums. "Speaking of something serious to get into."

"Hey Yunho!" One of the nurses, Ara, passes by with her friends, smiling at him. "Seonghwa, Taehyun, Jihoon." She gives them nods of acknowledgements.

"Sup!" They all say in their own way.

"Hey Ara." He looks up at her.

"Haven't seen you around for awhile?"

"Just been running around is all."

"Locked up in his office actually—" Taehyun says, causing Yunho to press on his foot under the table. "Ouch— yeah, we've all been busy."

"I see." She giggles. "How's Seora?"

"Good!"

"Give her a big hug for me." Ara smiles. "We should definitely grab some dinner one day and hang out. Bring Seora, too!"

"For sure! Sounds fun."

"See you around then, maybe?" She subtly bites onto her bottom lip as her friends giggle away and hurry along to a table.

"Yeah, I'll see you." She waves for one last goodbye before reuniting with her friends. Seonghwa lets out a small snort, while Taehyun and Jihoon quietly poke away at their food with a smirk growing on their lips.

"Um, so." Jihoon laughs when he's the first to break the silence. "She's definitely interested."

"And Yunho definitely should take the opportunity." Seonghwa responds right away, making Yunho shake his head.

"Nah."

"Why not? She's literally opening the door in front of you. Doesn't hurt to try."

"Could be fun. Doesn't have to be serious." Jihoon adds. "She's cute."

"You should see where it takes you. No harm in letting it go if it doesn't pan out as expected." Taehyun also adds his two cents.

"Was not expecting to get lectured by you three during lunch." They laugh.

"Seriously." Seonghwa looks at him. "It's been awhile since you've went on a date. Just see where it goes." Yunho stays silent as he pokes at his food, thinking about the whole thing. It couldn't hurt just to see where it'd take him— and quite frankly, he could use someone new to talk to and hang out with. It doesn't necessarily mean it needs to work out into anything. "I will literally sit at home with Seora and keep her occupied when you take Ara out." Yunho sighs and finally meets his gaze.

"Really now? I'm holding you to it."

"Yes! Not like I haven't before. Could use time to hangout with my ace and bring back the favorite uncle title." Yunho chuckles.

"Yeah, gotta say. Mingi has been taking over." Yunho says just to rile him up even though there's no such thing for Seora; she loves her uncles equally.

"Well, fuck Mingi." Taehyun and Jihoon laugh. "Ask her later. Or tomorrow. Promise me. It doesn't have to turn into anything but at least get out of the house and hang out with a fresh face." Seonghwa turns back to his food. "But for your sake, I hope it does." He mumbles, causing Yunho to nudge him.

"Fine, but no promises on a specific outcome."

"My job here is done." Seonghwa sips on his soda and tosses a crumpled napkin into the sandwich wrapper.

"Shoulda known."

"I was just gonna catch up with you guys, not my fault she happened to walk by at the same time." Seonghwa chuckles and stands. "Gotta get back to my desk and start pressing people for answers. See you guys around." He stands and grabs his trash, making his way to the trash can before walking off out of the cafeteria.

"He's right." Taehyun shrugs. "Gotta try and see where it goes. You deserve to take a break and have some fun. You always work so damn hard."

"And we all know how much Seora means to you and comes first, but you gotta think about yourself, too." Yunho chuckles as he takes his last forkful and sits back in his seat.

"Thanks guys."

"Just looking out for you." Jihoon stretches. "Anyway, time to head back?"

"Yup. I gotta get ready for my next meeting." They all stand and slowly make their way out of the cafeteria, throwing their trash into the appropriate bins.

Yunho's day ends a little after 5:45pm, which is when rush hour hits. He's heading downtown to pick up the food Seora requested, making sure to place the order ahead of time so he can just pick it up and go. As expected, he hits traffic and it takes him an extra 15 minutes to get deep into downtown. It's crazy everywhere, and all Yunho can do is look forward to getting home.

seora: daddy-o i am home

seora: honey-soy glazed fried chicken and kimchi fried rice from chick'n coop pls!

seora: pls pls pls <3333 love youuu

Luckily, he's able to snag a spot in front of the restaurant. It's a 15 minute spot, so he quickly runs in and grabs the food, thanking the friendly staff before running out and getting back into the car. He's not entirely excited about the trek home in all this chaos, but he finds it worth it when he reminds himself of how happy Seora will be when he gets home with her current craving.

So, his usual 30 min drive home ends up being 45 from inner downtown with all the traffic. He parks his car out front before grabbing his things and pulling on his car handle to make sure the doors are locked. When Yunho unlocks the front door, the house is quiet but it doesn't worry him one bit because he knows exactly where Seora is. He kicks off his shoes, setting the bag of food down on the counter before placing his bag down on a dining table chair. He turns down the hallway towards Seora's room, her door slightly ajar. He gives it a few knocks before he's poking his head in, finding her deep in her books at her desk— those huge Bose headphones she asked for last Christmas sitting on her head while she works on her homework.

"Ace." She surprisingly turns her head towards the door, but it's probably because she felt her father's looming figure standing there. She smiles and shoves off her headphones, playfully jumping on her dad while he wraps his arms around her and hugs her tightly.

"You're home!" Yunho laughs as she gently hops off.

"How was school and practice?" She shrugs, walking back to her desk.

"Um, it was okay? The usual."

"Got lots of homework?" She shakes her head.

"Not really. I'm about to finish up!"

"Why don't you wrap it up so we can have dinner and watch our show together?" She chuckles.

"Okay. I'll be out in a sec." Yunho nods, shutting her door before heading out to wash up and get comfy for the evening. He heads to his room and takes a piping hot shower before completing his routine and slipping into a shirt and some flannel pajamas. He heads into the kitchen to unpack dinner, setting out the plates and utensils for him and Seora. He's not usually a stickler about these things— there are days when the two of them sit at the table and talk about everything and anything, then there's days where they'll plop onto the living room floor to eat at the coffee table and watch a show or movie. Any moment spent with Seora is a cherished moment for Yunho, and he'll never take any of it for granted;

Not when she's growing up so damn fast.

Yunho remembers when Seora was born— him and Eunha were shy over 20 years old. Young, dumb and naive; so incredibly unsure of how they'd move forward with having a child so young, how they'd make it without the support they hoped to have. Both their parents didn't think they were ready and tried to force other agendas on them, ones that didn't include being in Seora's life and Eunha was almost convinced it was the better route solely because of all the noise and talk in her ear. But, Yunho didn't want any of it at all. He wanted to be in Seora's life, he wanted to raise her, he wanted to go through life's ups and downs with her— even if that meant their parents wouldn't agree and would cut off ties.

All that mattered was Seora and Eunha.

So, they had her. Yunho and Eunha had the hardest, most challenging time trying to work to get by, all while finishing school over the years. They packed up and moved to different in-laws, renting rooms in random homes until they could afford a tiny studio to build in for awhile. They pushed through no matter how rough it got because they were both on the same page and understood the end goal: providing for Seora and being able to give her a comfortable life. Their parents weren't the happiest; hence, the disconnect between Seora and both her grandparents. When Eunha passed, her parents cut off ties completely because they claimed it was too painful to. Yunho's parents on the other hand, will see their granddaughter once in a blue moon over a quick meal. Otherwise, they send over birthday and holiday cards with extra cash wishing her the best. Yunho doesn't really have a great relationship with them anyway, and when he does manage to have dinner with them, he tries to keep it civil.

Keyword: tries.

Things changed when Seora hit 7 years old and was smart enough to pick up on their cues. She realized her grandparents didn't really wanna be a part of her life like that and that was hurtful for Yunho to see. She'd question why they weren't there to see her exceed during the sports competitions in summer camp, she'd question why they wouldn't go to her little school dance recitals. She'd question why they weren't there when she'd win Student of the Month or when they'd have fall and spring family festivals.

She questioned why they weren't there and Yunho didn't have an answer for her.

But, since they are his parents, he tries to keep that window open out of respect. In the end, he knows it would truly just be them two against the world, and that was completely fine. Yunho made it this far throughout all the trials and tribulations— he's sure he can handle anything else that comes their way.

"Yay!" Seora squeals when she comes out into the living room and plops next to her dad on the floor. "Thank you." She smiles at him and he chuckles.

"You're welcome. Good choice for dinner." She begins to plop some fried rice onto her plate, followed by pieces of the honey-soy glazed chicken wings.

"Been craving it for so long."

"You could've just asked for it." Yunho switches it to their favorite zombie apocalypse show.

"I know, but I know you have long days at work so I feel bad for asking you to stop by."

"I appreciate that." Yunho laughs. "But, I want you to know that I don't mind, okay? Just let me know and I'll make the stop."

"You really are the best." She mutters just as she takes a bite into her chicken.

"You know what we haven't done in awhile?"

"Hm?" Her eyes widen at the scene, and she lets out a small 'oh my god, run!' in between.

"We haven't gone out for our usual father/daughter dates."

"You're right." She takes a spoonful of rice into her mouth. "Can we go next weekend? I think I have a game that Saturday, but in the morning."

"Yeah, what do you wanna do?" She grabs the remote to pause the show.

"Hold on, I need to think about this." She looks up in thought. "I wanna go to the movies to catch Wicked. But, I wanna go to the theater that has the cute suites with the couches inside."

"Okay. But, let me get this straight." Yunho laughs and takes a sip of his beer. "You wanna do that with me and not your friends?"

"They're surprisingly not all that into it. We might later on, but I definitely wanna watch it with you cause I know you'll enjoy it either way." Yunho nods.

"What else? More shopping? More eating out?"

"They opened up that new dog café downtown."

"Let's go then."

"Bbq after it all?"

"Sounds like a good date to me."

"Dad, for the next-next one, we should drive somewhere or do something outdoorsy or active. Like those indoor rock climbing gyms."

"Woah." He laughs loudly. "Yeah, actually. We should. I'll start planning something for a weekend you don't have any games."

"Woohoo! Sick. Now I can beat you at rock climbing and rub it in your face." She claps and gently headbutts her dad's arm before resuming the show.

"Seora." Yunho looks over at her with a fond smile.

"Uh huh? Holy crap—" She responds to the show before quickly glancing over at him, then back to the TV. "Yeah, dad?"

"Love you." He makes it a point to always remind her because he doesn't want her to feel like she's lacking in love anywhere, despite no longer having her mother or her grandparents around. He is hoping he's enough to fill their shoes. "You know that, right?" He gently tickles her and she squeals.

"Yes! Oh my god, don't do that!" He laughs. "I love you too." Yunho sits back against the couch and fully immerses himself in dinner and the show— responding just as animatedly as Seora. They get through about four 50-min episodes, a little bit into the fifth before Seora is beginning to yawn like crazy, almost falling asleep on the opposite end of the couch.

"Ace." Yunho gently shakes her by the shoulder after pausing the show and slowly cleaning up the coffee table.

"I'm definitely not falling asleep." He snorts.

"You sure are. We'll pick this up again tomorrow. You had a long day." She sits up and yawns, stretching before she rubs at her eyes.

"Practice killed me today. Coach had us running suicides up and down the court for warm up."

"That's a good way to start practice." She nods and sleepily begins her walk off to the bathroom to brush her teeth and do her nightly routine.

"I'm off!"

"Goodnight, sleep well. Don't stay up on your phone for too long."

"I won't, I won't. Actually—" She lazily pauses and walks back to give Yunho a hug. "Night dad." He playfully squeezes her before planting a chaste kiss to the top of her head and ruffling her hair.

"Night." He watches her finally walk off to the bathroom before turning his attention to the dishes in the sink. He takes his time washing them thoroughly before wiping down the kitchen counters, the dining table and living room coffee table. He slips the leftovers into Seora's tupperware for lunch tomorrow, prepping snacks for himself and Seora to take as well.

He'll probably head to the cafeteria and buy himself something to eat.

Once he's satisfied with his cleaning, he shuts off the lights and double checks the doors before heading into his room on the opposite side of Seora's. He lets out a sigh, exhaustion fully hitting him at this time. He gets himself ready for bed, brushing his teeth and doing his final round of skincare before plopping onto his bed and turning on his own TV. He lowers the volume slightly, the TV now just giving off soft background noise to fill the void. Before he could really settle in, his phone rings— a call coming in from his other bestfriend.

"What?" Mingi scoffs hearing Yunho's greeting.

"You're such a dick, you know that?" Yunho laughs as Mingi continues to whine. "I called to check on you and that's all I get?"

"Jesus, relax. What's wrong?"

"I'm just saying! You didn't even text me back."

"Sorry, I got caught up. Work was busy today, then I stopped by to grab some food Seora's been craving. We were watching our show all night and just finished up not too long ago." Yunho briefly puts him on speaker phone to check Mingi's text.

mingi: wanna do something this weekend?

"I just asked if you wanted to do something this weekend." Yunho responds anyway, just to give him what he wants.

yunho: no

"Well, okay. It doesn't even matter anymore, why are you responding now?!" Mingi's voice turns up a pitch.

"You wanted me to text you back." Yunho laughs. "No can do anyway. I told Seora I'd take her and the girls shopping. Unless.. you wanna tag along?"

"How sweet. You want me to keep you company?"

"We can go on our own date while they shop." Mingi chuckles.

"Yeah, sure."

"What did you have in mind originally?"

"Just walking around the city or grabbing dinner. Nothing too fancy."

"What's Hwa doing? Saw him earlier but didn't really get a chance to ask."

"Hanging out with that girl he's been talking to for a two weeks and three days. What's her name? Yoori?"

"Mhm. You're oddly specific." Yunho snorts.

"I don't think it'll last, if I'm being honest." Mingi laughs.

"He's having fun."

"As with the others. Anyway. When's ace's next game?"

"The following Saturday. I gotta check the exact time, but it's an early one. Was planning to take her out afterwards."

"No invite to that?"

"No, dude. My time with my daughter." He sighs.

"I want one."

"Then stop fucking around and settle down." Yunho chuckles. "Also not just something you can want like a toy, Mingi. You know it's way more than that."

"No, I know. You and Eunha did well with Seora, seriously. You're like her bestfriend."

"That's my girl." Mingi nods to himself because he does eventually wanna settle down and have a family, but he's mainly proud of the way Yunho has gracefully tackled life despite all the ups and downs. He wasn't afraid to ask for help when he really needed it, leaning on him and Seonghwa when times were incredibly trying. Taking turns babysitting and driving the girl to and from places, helping buy groceries or cook for the two. Sometimes, Seonghwa or Mingi would offer to hang out with her for a day or so just so Yunho could get some time to himself. For the most part though, Yunho and Eunha did their best. Yunho did his best to pick himself up and carry on for the both of them after Eunha passed. He's not sure how he managed, but he did. He commends Yunho cause he isn't sure how he'd do it if he was in his place.

He hopes his bestfriend can be genuinely happy one day. Yunho says he is but Mingi knows he isn't. There's always gonna be that empty space and that void that he'll look past, and he's worried it'll be too much to bear when times get tough again. Yunho feels like he has everything being by Seora's side and Mingi doesn't doubt that at all.

Still, it must get lonely at times.

"Anyway, I'll let you be. Just wanted to check in. Tell ace I said hi and give her a big hug for me. Send me the details of her game when you can and what time you need me to be ready this weekend."

"Yeah, I will."

"Alright, peaaace." Yunho ends the call and sticks his phone onto the charger. On his nightstand is a photo of him, Eunha and Seora when Seora just turned three— they took her up to the snow so she could play around and enjoy herself. He picks up the photo and smiles as he stares at Eunha's face, truly missing her presence until this day.

That's probably the one other thing that stops him when he thinks about seriously dating again and seeing people. He knows he shouldn't compare but he can't help himself when Eunha was ripped away from his life so suddenly; all he knows is Eunha. They were always on the same page. They weren't perfect, and they sure as hell had their ups and downs. But, they both had the end goal of making it together and being the best parents Seora could have. There was that mutual understanding, that same determination and grit to push through regardless of how tough it got.

He doesn't think he could find a partner in crime like that ever again. Maybe, he just isn't destined to.

And for now, that's okay.

It's okay because he has Seora, and she is the biggest reminder, the biggest vessel of love that he needs.

For now, he thinks he's okay.

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l1tw1ck · 1 year ago

Text

Newlyweds

bottom!ftm Miguel x top!male reader

🕷️Word Count: 1,947🕷️

[Part One] | AFAB Language Used

CW: Menstruation (No Period Sex), Lingerie, Dom/Sub, Daddy Kink, Cunnilingus, Squirting, Creampie, Breeding Kink, Impregnating, Mating Press, Lactation Mention, Praise Kink

Miguel wakes up with pain. A lot of pain. Along with discomfort and the familiar feeling and smell of blood. Of course he starts his period unexpectedly in your bed. Not only that but he has cramps and a hangover. Great way to start the morning. He hopes you at least have advil. He taps your shoulder and wakes you up.

“What's wrong?” You ask, noticing that it's still pretty early in the morning.

“I’m on my period.” He frowns. “Sorry…about your sheets.”

“Don't apologize, it's not your fault. Do you need anything? Food, meds, something hot?” You get out of the bed. Miguel shakily gets out as well.

“A shower would be nice…and some ibuprofen? Or advil?”

“No problem. Luckily for you, I have some pads or tampons you can use. I keep them for when family visits. Do you use a heating pad? I have one of those too.”

“Yeah, a heating pad would be helpful.” He nods. “I prefer pads.”

“Okay, go ahead and get in the shower, I’ll leave some clothes out for you to wear. Oh, and you’ll need to eat something too. Is there anything you prefer?”

“Whatever you can make is fine.”

“Alright, I'll get everything you need. Take as long as you want in the shower.”

.....

Miguel gets out of the shower and walks into your room. The bed is stripped and the bloody parts are being soaked in a cleaning mixture. He hopes he didn't ruin your mattress. He looks at the pair of boxers you left for him and frowns. It's no surprise that you don't have any panties, why would you? But wearing pads with boxers isn't very….safe. It's a good thing the two of you are neighbors, he’ll have to ask you to get him a pair of underwear. He pulls up the boxers half way and applies the pad, praying that it’ll do the job, and pulls it up completely. He puts on your shirt, happy that it's big on him, and puts on the pair of shorts.

He walks down the stairs and into the kitchen. “Hey..”

“Hey! There’s the meds.” You point to the bottle of ibuprofen and cup of water next to it. “I’m making pancakes. How do you like ‘em?”

“With butter and syrup.” Miguel looks at the medicine bottle and concludes that he’ll thankfully only have to take one. He hates taking pain medication because of the risks but they're unbelievably helpful. He sighs, putting a pill in his mouth and swallowing it with water.

“...Hey, at least you're not pregnant yet.” You smile sheepishly.

Miguel chuckles. “We should probably start planning for when I actually am pregnant.”

“Yeah…I’ll have to start packing my things soon, right? I don't want Gabriella to have to worry about moving her stuff here.”

He appreciates how you consider his daughter too. “That’d be the best way.”

“At least we're neighbors, that’ll make the process much easier.”

“That reminds me…can you…can you go to my house and get me a pair of panties? They're specifically made for periods…I have a box of period stuff in my closet, you’ll know it when you see it. I’d go myself but-”

“Don't worry about it, babe. I’ll get it for you. After you eat, you can go lay down in the guest bedroom, I already put the heating pad in there. If you want, I’ll pick Gabi up and bring her here.”

“Please. Thank you so much.”

“Of course.” You kiss his forehead.

Gabi walks up to your car, confused. “Why are you picking me up?”

“Your dad’s feeling sick so he asked me to come get you.”

“Oh. Is papá okay?”

“Yeah, he's fine. He’s just on his period.” You nod. “Come on, get in.”

Gabriella grimaces, feeling bad for her dad. She gets into the backseat and buckles her seatbelt.

“So…What do you think about coming to my place and eating dinner with me and your dad?”

Gabriella grins. “Are you gonna cook?”

“Of course! Whatever you want.”

“Then…Can you make burgers? I haven't had a burger in soo long! Papá sucks at cooking and he thinks fast food burgers are made of rat meat!”

You laugh. “Sure thing. What kind of burger? And do you want fries too? I can make ‘em from scratch.”

Her eyes widen. “Really? I love fries! And I really wanna try a bacon cheeseburger!”

“You got it, Gabi.”

“You’re so good at cooking! I wish Papà could cook like you.” Gabriella wipes her face clean.

“Hey! I can cook just fine, Gabi!”

“Then how come we had to order takeout the other night because you made green goop?”

“Green goop?” You look at Miguel, grinning.

“It was supposed to be green, okay?!”

“Mhm~” You hum in a sarcastic tone. “Maybe I need to save Gabi from your horrible cooking.”

“Please! You guys should get married. Then you can cook us dinner all the time!”

You look at Miguel.

Miguel looks at you and nods. “Well…Actually, mija…”

She looks at him curiously.

“We are getting married.” He can't hide his happiness.

Her entire face lights up. “Really?!” She puts her game down and stands up. “Am I really gonna get an hermanito now?!”

“Yes, mija.” Miguel chuckles.

“When are you gonna order them?!”

“...Order?” You raise an eyebrow.

“You know, go to the stork postal service and order a baby!”

You and Miguel look at her, dumbfounded.

“What?” She frowns.

“Mija…We need to teach you where babies really come from..”

After the horrifying explanation (which was actually very tame compared to the talk Miguel’s parents gave him), Gabriella accepted the fact that babies are in fact not delivered by storks. Miguel doesn't even know where she got that from.

Now she's started to see you as the second father you’ll soon become. Rather than using your name, she calls you dad. It makes you happy to know she's so accepting of you as her father. She invites you to her soccer games and school events and of course you show up to everything you can. She loves that she has two parents. It's so comforting to see the two of you in the bleachers while she's playing. And now it's a lot less likely for her to be alone at events. If Miguel’s working, you usually show up and vice versa.

And of course she’ll be the maid of honor at your wedding. She’s almost more excited about the wedding than the two of you are.

Miguel walks down the aisle, holding a beautiful bouquet of red and blue roses. He looks gorgeous. You can't wait for your honeymoon.

He walks up to you and gets into place.

“You look beautiful.” You smile at him.

“Thank you..” He replies, bashful.

You’re lost in Miguel’s beauty for the entire ceremony, only paying attention to when it's time to exchange rings, say your vows, and say “I do.”

You go in to kiss Miguel, sad that you can only peck him on the lips. You don't want to traumatize all the children with a french kiss. You pick him up and carry him bridal style.

“Do you wanna stay?” You ask.

“I wanna make our baby.” He says.

You nod and start running towards the jet you rented. Everyone in the crowd watches in shock as you abandon the wedding. Miguel throws his bouquet and a ton of people scramble to grab it. Thankfully for you two, Gabriella is staying with her grandparents so you can escape to your honeymoon without worry.

Miguel walks out of the bathroom, dressed in a beautiful lingerie set. A red lacy bra and panties along with matching stockings with garters to hold them up.

You hurry over to him. “You look amazing.” You grope his ass and give him a soft kiss. “Lay down.”

Miguel gets onto the bed and lies down, waiting for your next move. You grab his thighs and kneel in front of the bed, pulling him close to you. There's a gap in his panties for easy access. You press kisses along his thighs, occasionally sucking and biting them. You move to his pussy, pressing a kiss against his erect t-dick. He twitches in response. You bring it into your mouth and swirl your tongue around it.

“Fu- fuck–” He moans, curling his toes. He throws his head back and gasps as you start sucking him off while simultaneously slipping two of your fingers inside him. Miguel arches his back, moans getting increasingly louder as you finger him. “God yes–” He grins. “‘M gonna come-”

You pull away from him, still working his insides with your fingers. “What do you say, Miguel?”

“Pl- please~ please let me come, Daddy~”

“Good boy.” You go back to sucking on his dick. Miguel shakes as he squirts, drenching you in his pleasure. You lick up his slick before pulling away. “Tell me when you're ready.” You stand up and take your clothes off.

“I’m ready..” He moves backwards and spreads his folds with two of his fingers. “Please breed me, Daddy..”

You smirk. You climb onto the bed and align your length with his hole. Miguel watches intently as you slowly ease yourself inside him. The two of you watch as a bulge appears in his stomach the further you go in. “You're gorgeous, Miguel.” You run your hands up his body and grope his breasts. “You’ll let me get a taste once you start lactating, right?”

Miguel smiles. “Just a taste.”

You bring him into a deep kiss and inch yourself further inside him. Miguel gently moves his hips once he feels you bottom out, desperate to have you fuck him. You part from the kiss and move to his neck, lightly kissing his skin. “I love you.” You murmur before pulling away. You grab his legs and move him into a mating press. Miguel barely has time to process what you just did thanks to your sudden and rough thrusts. He grabs onto your shoulders, nails digging into your skin, and moans loudly as you properly breed his pussy. He can barely keep his eyes focused but just glimpsing upon your aroused expression makes his heart race even faster. It perfectly displays how much you love him and how good he's making you feel. He happily listens to your breathy words of praise and your low sounds of pleasure, falling deeper in love with you as the two of you completely tie yourselves together forever. He’s never been happier.

He already feels himself reaching his orgasm. “‘M clo- oh- close~!” He cries out. “Fuck-” He gasps, suddenly coming. He digs deeper into your skin when he feels you slow down. “Don’t- don’t you dare stop-” He almost growls at you. You take that as a warning and resume your previous pace. He manages to stay sane even as you continue to fuck his sensitive cunt, all for the sake of feeling you impregnate him. Just that is enough to give him strength to keep going.

“You're doing so- so good, Miguel.” You let out a low sound of pleasure. “Such a good boy for me..”

He moans happily.

“And you feel so fucking good..” Your breathing becomes more labored. “Making me come so fast with your tight pussy-” You groan, stopping as you fill him up with your first load of the night. He feels euphoric as your cum invades his insides.

“More…” He looks up at you with the cutest expression.

“I won't stop until I’m shooting blanks, baby.”

Miguel grins. He can't wait to spend the rest of his life with you and your kids.

#wicks🕯works #top male reader #male reader #dom male reader #miguel smut #miguel o'hara x reader #bottom miguel o'hara #miguel x male reader #miguel o'hara smut #miguel o'hara x male reader #across the spiderverse smut #across the spiderverse x male reader #🕯️miguel o'hara #🕯️marvel #🕯️spider man

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spidybaby · 5 months ago

Text

Footnote | Part Three

Summary: After you moved out of Barcelona, you returned to find yourself again. Pablo finds out and wants to make amends with you.

Warnings: cursing, NSFW, depression talk, death topic.

A/N: I want to thank all the support you guys give to this piece. It was so fun to make, and to be honest. I thought this was a one part only. Thank you to 🥀 anon, who requested the first part. This was fun to write. I love you all 💛✨️

Part one | Part two

Pablo freezes, he feels his heart palpitations in his ears. He feels how his blood pressure is up.

"What do you mean?"

"You have to stop. Seriously." You say, walking to the other side of the couch and picking your things.

"What are you doing?" He asks, heart about to get out of his chest. "Don't leave."

"Stop!" You yell. "Pablo, you have to stop playing."

You walk to the door, you feel anger inside of you. The door is shut down by Pablo. He grabs your arms and turn you around.

"I'm not playing."

"You are." You say, stern tone. "You rejected me. You told me I needed to sober up the night I told you that I had feelings for you." You hit his chest, reminding him of his own words. "You told me time was not changing the way you felt for me, and now, you are telling me that you love me."

"I do, I love you." He whines. "Preciosa, por favor."

"Then why did you hurt me?"

"I'm sorry I did that, I was so scared of fucking things up." He yells too. "I was so scared of losing you."

"You only thought about you." You push him away. "You left me cry myself to sleep so many times, all because you were a coward who couldn't face his feelings."

"Y/n, it's not like that."

"Then how it is?" You ask, mad at him. "You were the one who told me you liked her. You were the one who was with her during all the time we were apart." You remind him.

"Paula never mattered to me." He grabs your face. "You do. I left her for you."

You grab his hands, taking them away from you. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" You chuckle. "Pablo, you confessed you are in love with me since we were fucking kids! But you couldn't say it the night of the party?"

You feel anxious, you want to get out of his house. You want to go home and be alone in your room.

"I was wrong." He gets close again. "I was so afraid, believe me. And when you came to tell me you were with your boyfriends, I was so mad at them. They could have you, and I couldn't."

His hands find your hips and pull you to him, making you smash against his chest. "You were worried about losing me? Well, Pablo, you did. Now let go of me."

You try to push him away, but his grip on your hips grows. You can't give in. You need to leave the house.

Por favor." He beg. "We can make this work."

"Let me go." You say, turning your head. You can't look at him. "Please do."

He shakes his dead, hugging your back and hiding his head on the crock of your neck. When his shoulders started to shake you feel bad.

"Pablo, mi amor." You say, trying to calm him down. "Please let me go, we can talk some other time."

"You won't be back." He whispers, sobbing. "We can fix this, please."

"Pablito, we need to calm down." You whisper too. "Please, you have to let go of me."

You grab his arms, pulling them away from you slowly. He gives in, not wanting you to feel forced or something.

"You won't be back." He sobs.

You can't lie to him and tell him that you would. You can't pretend that this is going to be easy for the two of you.

You place your hand on his cheek, caressing it. He gives in into your touch, enjoying the warmth of your hand.

"I'm sorry I fucked this." He cries.

You dry his tears. Pablo crying made your heart break. You want to hug him and tell him that you do want to fix things up.

"I have to go." You whisper, kissing his cheek. "I'll see you around."

He nods, placing his hands on top of yours. He brings it to his mouth and kisses it. "I love you." You nod, half smiling at him.

You take your hand away from his. Walking quickly to the exit. You run to your car as soon as you close his door.

You rush home, barely saying hello to your parents, walking quickly upstairs. You lock your door, undressing and turning the temperature from hot to cold.

You feel every fiber of your body tense at the temperature and untense a few seconds later. You want to cry, but you won't.

You won't spend another night crying about him and his decisions. Not after all the work it took you. Not after crying yourself to sleep while thinking you were not worthy for love if the only boy you trusted with your life didn't love you.

You turn the water off, grabbing the towel that you keep there to dry you. You walk back into your room.

You open your computer, searching that email you left ignored in your list. You open the link, writing the requirements.

You sent that pdf you don't want to send, but if you don't want to do it... why did you even have it ready?

You know the time difference is helping you. You checked Google and noticed that you were just in time to beat the deadline.

You change into your pajamas, not caring about what happens next. You turn the lights off and force yourself to sleep.

Unsuccessfully, you were wide awake all night. The only sounds you could hear at this time were the normal morning sounds.

You decide to get food, walking downstairs and finding your grandma drinking her normal coffee.

"Isn't it a little bit early for you to be awake?" She asks, narrow eyes.

You nod, grabbing the bread and some things to prepare a sandwich. "I'm just breaking the routine."

She watches you, she wants to ask. "How was your night?"

"It was," you try to think on a word that shows that it was good but not good. "Something?" You say doubtfully. "Yeah, something."

She doesn't ask any more questions. You finish preparing your food and walk out of the kitchen. Walking to the tv and turning it to find something to watch.

It's funny that the channel the tv was on is about to play the repetition of the last Barcelona vs. Girona game.

You don't mind changing it. Feeding your pain with the image of him. You bite into your food while cursing him in your mind.

Thinking things you won't ever dare to say to him. Name calling him the worst he could ever think. Criticizing his ability to think rationally for other things outside the field.

You sob, trying to hide it by bitting your food. You can't help the cries, you can't help but think that you could be together if he wasn't a coward.

> Patience won't change how I feel about you. <

You dry your tears and turn the tv off. This is what everybody always wanted for you two. Why is it so difficult?

You left your teary wet sandwich on the coffee table. Walking upstairs to cry in peace. You don't want to give explanations on why, again, you are crying over Pablo.

You lock your room, throw yourself in bed, and let all your feelings out. You were having the cry of your lifetime.

The phone interrupts you. You roll your eyes thinking it was Pablo. When it stops you get up to wash your face.

The ringing is audible again. You decide to check it, an unknown number on the screen. You clear your throat, not wanting to sound sick.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this miss Y/n?"

"Yes, hi. This is me." You take a seat at the corner of the bed.

"Great, I'm Trina from the scholarships department, we got all your paperwork in time. We want to arrange a virtual meeting to talk about all the details, the papers you would sign, the accommodations, and of course the day you can board so you can move in."

You look at the picture in your nightstand, that Polaroid that you and Pablo took when he signed for Barca's first team.

"That's fine. When is the meeting?"

"Is it okay in about two hours? That way, I'll schedule you."

"Yes, thank you."

"Great, I'll send you the link. Me and the dean will see you. I'll send some of the paperwork. You will sign the day you get here, so you can read them with patience. We are so excited to have to in our campus."

"Thank you." You say, hanging up the call.

You hurry to wash your face and get your hair ready. You apply some makeup, straight your hair, and even change your top.

You wait for the meeting, feet impatiently hitting the floor. You are scared to do this. When the alarm you place to join the meeting sounds, you click on the link.

You talk with the dean and Trina, both of them congratulating you on getting into this college. About how happy they are for you to get there.

They explain what your program would be, how it would develop, and what where you can reside. They offer you different options and different plans. They offer you the catalog of classes and extracurricular activities.

"Thank you for this opportunity." You smile at them. "I'm happy to join you."

"We are so happy for your addition to our group. Now I want to ask you, since you told me you had trouble getting a paper. I understand, but the flight time is a little more short now."

You nod, understanding that you would have to leave earlier than it was supposed to in the paper.

"Would it be a problem if we booked your ticket for the end of this month? You would still have twenty days."

You freeze, not thinking it would be this quickly. It was going to be a hard kick for your parents. It was going to be a hard kick for your grandma.

"If it's for the best." You smile. "It's okay by me, sir."

"Fantastic, we will book your tickets, and I'm not promising anything yet, but I think I can get you a special upgrade. You are the best of our candidates, and this would not go unnoticed."

You smile at them, saying your goodbyes. You close your laptop, staring at the little picture of your parents that you have sticked to the wall.

You tear up a little, changing your clothes and taking your makeup off. You feel happy, but you also feel in pain.

You threw the dirty clothes from last night into the laundry basket. You take your shirt, giving it a last smell. It smelled like him.

Him.

You walk to your nightstand and grab the picture. You look at it one last time. Throwing it on the garbage.

You open the door, walking to your parents' room. They are watching the news while getting ready for work. "Hey, I gave to tell you something I did."

"Can this wait, baby?" You dad asks. "I'm kinda late for a meeting. And I know I'm the boss, but I can't be late again."

"I don't think this can wait." You say, making him turn.

He noticed your puffy eyes and red face. "Hey, what's going on?"

"I applied for a scholarship in Boston." You say. "And I got it."

"Baby, that's so good!" You mom says. Hugging you and kissing your face. "We are so proud."

"Thank you." You smile at her. "The thing is, I leave by the end of the month." You sob. "And I won't be back until I graduate."

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

"Why do you always fuck things up?" Aurora asks him. Mad about the things Pablo is telling her.

"I tried to stop her." He shouts from the kitchen. "I thought maybe we could fix things up."

"Pablo, seriously?" She rolls her eyes. "You are so dumb. You humiliate her the night you told her you didn't want anything with her because you liked other girl, then you come around and tell her that you like her since you were a kid."

Pablo can't understand why he even lied to you, to your mom and to everybody about who he was feeling.

His heart aches at the thought of you. It's like after that night all over again. You two are not talking, you two away, you two are just you two.

You are not blending together like you should.

You are you, and he is he.

"I'm calling her." He says.

Aurora is quicker and grabs his phone from his hands, hiding it under her. "Pablo, no." She points at him.

"Why?" He asks mad. "Give me my phone back."

"You have to give her space." She says, getting up and walking to the kitchen with both her phone and his phone in hand. "Also, maybe not a call, but pay her a visit."

"I'm not sure. Maybe I can go right now."

"Pablo, you need to give her space." Aurora grabs his shoulders and sits him at one of the stools. "I know her. Last time it was really hard for her. And I think it's best if you do wait."

He agrees, he will wait. He needs to let you cool down. He asks his mom for advice, he doesn't know what to do with his impatient self.

His mom calls yours, they talk about the whole drama her son created. Your mom tells her honestly that she finds it kind of funny but at the same time has to stand in your line.

Belen understands, she doesn't want you to feel pressed, so she tells Pablo that is the best if he waits for you to feel better.

Your mom doesn't say anything about you leaving. She knows that Pablo would find out anything and would even get into the plane with you.

"Are you ready, princesa?" You dad asks, he is sad that you are leaving.

"Yes, I have everything." You hug him, not wanting to leave.

You know this is the best for you. You need to find yourself and find a meaning for life and for love again.

One that doesn't have a relation with Pablo. One that's brand new. One that's related to your new beginning.

"I'm going to miss you." He whispers. "But mom and I will visit you in your new apartment." He kisses your cheek.

"And I'll wait for that." You smile. "Please don't let me become American." You cry jokingly.

"You won't. We speak Spanish in this house." He jokes.

Your mom and grandma say their goodbyes. Your mom can't be there when you leave. She will run with you to the plane.

"What are you going to do if she gets married with someone from there?" Your grandma asks her. They are waving the last goodbye at you.

"Force that person to come leave here." She jokes.

Your dad is back in around an hour. The house feels weird without you there. Even when you were outside, they were sure you were okay because you were with Pablo.

Now, it's a new type of fear. What if you were with the wrong people? What if you joined something wrong? What if you were afraid of telling them about your mistakes?

"She will be fine." Your grandma says. "She's a good girl." She pat their backs.

The knock on the door alerts them. "Maybe she chicken out in Madrid." Your dad jokes with them, making them laugh. "Coming."

He walks to the door, finding a very impatient Pablo. "Hey, sir. I know you must hate me for everything I've done to your daughter. But I promise I'm here for good." He awkwardly says. "Please just let me talk to her. My mom and sister don't think this is right, but I know that if I don't talk to h-"

"Pablo." You dad interrupts, sighs with sadness for the boy. "She left."

Pablo feels a shiver running down his spine. "Sh-she left?" He laughs. "What?"

"She's gone, buddy." You dad pats his back. "I'm sorry, I wish this would have been different for the two of you."

"She left to go where?" He asks. "I can take a plane there. I can go."

"It's best if you move on, Gavi." He hugs the boy, letting him process what he was told. "We love you, kiddo." He smiles at him. "You are welcome here, come have dinner with us if you want to, anytime. Come sleep here like you used to when you just move out to your new house. Don't be a stranger, you are like our kid." He says.

Pablo nods, hugging him back. He is still in shock.

Where are you?"

> Pablo, you already lost me <

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

"Are you happy?" Your friend asks you.

The graduation ceremony was done. All your classmates and other graduate students are with their families.

"Yes, my dad is here." You say. "Say goodbye to your parents for me." You smile at her.

"I'll see you in Barcelona." She kisses your cheek. "I love you, I'm sure the pain would go away."

"It won't, but I'm working on it." You laugh, making her do it too. "Call me so I can prepare everything for your arrival."

You walk over to your dad. Hugging him. "Look!"

You showed him the diploma, he was so happy for you. Your grandma stayed in Barcelona, she didn't want to spend more than eight hours in a plane.

You take pictures with him. Sending them to the family group and thanking your grandma and aunts for the congratulations.

"Are you sure you don't want to go have dinner?" He asks.

"No, papi." You sigh. "Let's just get something and eat it on the plane."

He understood, helping you with your things and with everything. You just want to sleep and wake up in Barcelona, like you used to.

You wrote a note to the dean and to Trina. They were such a help during the good and bad times. You left it with your friend, making sure she will give it to them.

You arrived at home the next day, tired to do anything or tell anyone. You just wanted to rest in bed.

"Hey, can we go to sevilla to see Grandma?" You ask your dad. He was in his room, undoing this luggage.

"I have a lot of working to do, but I can get you the ticket." He smiles. "Just be careful, please."

"Gracias!" You hug him. "I'll be good."

You unpack your luggage, noticing the other three big ones on the floor. You place everything on the empty closet.

"Hey!" He says. "Mom cleaned that place for you. She knows you like to keep your closet clean."

"Yeah, she knows how much I hate outdated clothes." You joke. "Do you think it's a good idea to take the letter to Belen and Pablo?"

"If that's what you want, I'm sure they would love to read it." He hugs you. "I booked your ticked and texted grandma."

"Grandma can text?"

"Grandma can dm on Instagram." He laughs. "Or that's what Junior says." He says, referring to your cousin. "He sends her reels or something."

You smile at that information. You were so happy to go back to your sevilla home. You spend almost all day arranging your things.

Your flight was supposed to be for the night. You pack a small luggage just in case you need more things.

You pack your mother's letters and other things to take to sevilla. You follow your mother orders, taking the things back to their place.

Yourusername has added to your story

Aurorapaezg: Are you in sevilla for real, or is this another old picture?

Yourusername: I was about to call you, I just got back from Boston. Maybe we can meet at your place!

Aurorapaezg: Siii! My mom is going to be so happy to see you. She misses you like crazy ❤️

Yourusername: Tonight sounds good? I'll take that pie. I know she loves it

Aurorapaezg: Can't wait 🥹✨️

You walk with the pie in your hands, knocking on the door. Pablo Sir opened it, eyes shining when he saw you.

"Muñeca!" He says, smiling. "Get inside. When did you come back? Let me help you with that." He takes the pie out of your hands. "Come inside, they are so happy to see you."

"Gracias." You smile, entering the house. "I'm happy to see you." You hug his side. "I missed you."

You walk inside, Aurora and Belen are fixing something in the kitchen. You went around the counter and poke Aurora.

She yelled in excitement, throwing herself at you. You two jump a little while hugging. When you are done with her, you hug Belen. She hugs you so tight.

"We are so happy to have you back!" She says. "Aurora cried for days when she found out."

"I'm sorry, it was an impulsive decision." You pout. "Honestly, I felt like it wasn't the best, but I enjoyed it."

"Your parents were so proud." Pablo says. "Your mom came for Belen's birthday and told us about your graduation, she showed us pictures of your thesis work."

"Yes, she was so excited." You smile. "Oh, I bring you the pie you like." You smile.

You all ate some food that Aurora prepared. Talking about life and about everything. You told them about your last months in Boston. They told you about their last months.

"How's Pablo?" You ask.

"Oh." Belen says. "He's fine. We spent his birthday here."

"Yes, he's been coming a little bit more." Pablo adds. "You parents saw him the last time they were here."

"They did?" You ask. "Mom didn't mention it."

You shake the thoughts out of your mind. Asking Aurora how her and her boyfriend were. She has this mischievous smile.

"Oh my gosh." You say. "What?" She lifts her hand, showing you her ring. "Aurora!" You jump from excitement, hugging her.

"We want a winter wedding." She says, happy. "I was so happy when you mentioned that you were coming back before winter, because that way you can be on my bridal party."

You nod, hugging her tighter. You can believe the girl you grew up with and played wedding was actually getting married.

You spend the rest of the day with them, talking and sharing stories. Aruroa shared with you some ideas she had, and you two create a pinterest board.

"It was so nice seeing you, Y/n." Belen says. "How long are you staying?"

"I think I'll stay for a little bit, I want to rearrange the house." You say. "Talking about the house, I have something for you."

You grab your bag, searching for the letters. You take a second, deciding if you should give them the one for Pablo or not.

"I have these letters for you." You smile. "Mom wanted me to give them to you. I also have a box for you, Belen."

"Thank you, darling." She hugs you. "Maybe you can bring it and come for dinner tomorrow." She smiles, making your nod.

fcbarcelona has added to their story

"Gavi!" Pedri yells, happy to see his friend. "I thought you were in sevilla."

"Hola, hermano." He hugs him. "I was, but I came back like two days ago."

"Oh, sorry, I forgot that now you have a girlfriend, and you don't spend that much time in Sevilla." He jokes.

Gavi rolls his eyes at Pedri. Since he introduced him to this girl from Canaria, he's obsessed with joking about them being a couple.

"She's not my girlfriend. We are just having a good time."

"Hurry with it, she's worth it." He pats Gavi's back. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, just because she's the best friend of your girlfriend." He laughs. "Bye."

Pablo hates when people introduce him to girls. He has this thing for quick things. Never too serious.

He doesn't want anything for the long run, he just wants to have fun and enjoy life. He makes sure the girls he's hooking up with know this.

You are here for a good time, not for a long time. Enjoy the gifts, the trips, the money he spends on them, but don't get used to it.

Pedri, Fermin, Ansu, and some others tried to get him to date someone, they wanted him to experience what love was.

They wanted him to finally come around his senses that being a fuck boy was not going to be a lifetime thing.

Sure, it was fun, it was exciting, it was cool, but it wasn't the answer. He would want to get serious at some point, and maybe the girl he wants won't be there because who wants a player?

And no, we are not talking about football player, we sure want that, but the kind of player who fucks and dumps. Ew.

"I'm fine by myself." He says every time they talk this idea of dating into him.

Pablo was happy when Aurora told him the news about the engagement. He was over the moon when her boyfriend asked him to be the best man.

He wanted his sister to have the time of her life. He wanted her to be happy and to have all the love in the world.

"I know you told me it wasn't necessary, but I want you to know that I asked my bank for an additional card with your name on it. Just in case you want to expand your budget."

"Pablito, seriously?" She asks, doing something while he is playing on the play station. "I'm grateful for that, thank you."

"Who is on the bridal party?" He asks, curious to see if he knows everybody.

"Well, I have our cousin Paola, I have my friend Karla and Luz." She starts with the names. "I also have someone else, but I'll tell you later."

He just hummed, not fully interested in the whole list, just the people he knows. "So, I know like 5 people."

"I promise it's going to be fun." She smiles. "I'll text you the details for the party we are organizing, we are giving the placements and everything."

"Did you see my calendar?"

"Yes, I used your availability, Pablito. Don't worry." She laughs, making him smile. "I'll call you later, the planner is calling. Love you."

"Love you too, bye."

fcbarcelona has added to their story

"Are you happy to be home, hermano?" Fermin asks. He was happy that he got to spend the weekend with him and his family. "Say hi to your mom and dad for me."

"Maybe after the game, you can tell them yourself." He smiles.

"Any plans for the weekend, boys?" Ferran asks.

"I have my sister's wedding bridal or something party." He smiles. "So I'm busy."

"That means your girl needs to go dress shopping." Pedri tease.

"I don't have a plus one." He says, not caring about bringing her. "Plus, only family and close friends are coming." He smiles.

Pedri rolls his eyes, tires of trying to get Gavi to get serious with one girl. They can't try all their lifes.

"Fermin is going." Ferran says.

"I'm a close friend, idiot." Fermin hits the back of Ferran's head.

"Wow, rude."

Pablo and the other laugh. They can't help but enjoy the little fights between Fermin and Ferran.

Pablo checks the group chat of the party, he checks all the numbers, and finds one that he can't recognize. Who was it?

He likes to keep tabs on who was going and who isn't. That way, he doesn't have to worry about pictures or stupid things online.

He puts that aside, he has a game to win. He finished getting ready and finished his before game routine. He texted his dad to announce to him that they are about to go out.

On the other side of Sevilla, Aurora, and you are fixing some things. You want everything to he perfect for her.

"Are you super sure this looks great?" She asks, placing the box on the table. "I'm so nervous, sorry."

You laugh. "Rora, it's perfect. Don't worry." You massage her shoulders. "Everything will be fine. I promise."

"I want to give you a little something before anybody else." She stands up, walking to the side and grabbing a box. "Open it."

Aurora was asking you to be her maid of honor.

"I've known you since we were babies, i think it makes sense since we used to play wedding and forced my brother to be the groom or the pastor."

"Pablo used to be so mad." You laugh. "Of course I want to be your maid of honor, silly." You say, excited about the whole thing.

"I can't wait for this to happen!"

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

"You should give this to Pablo." You grandma says, lifting the envelope with the letter your mom wrote for Gavi.

"Aurora mentioned that he's coming this weekend." You say, searching for a movie to see with her.

"Oh, look!" She says. "You love this movie."

It was How to lose a guy in 10 days. You haven't seen that movie since the last time you saw it with Gavi.

You smile, selecting that one and watching it with her. You grab your phone, texting Aurora. You asked her when Pablo would be home.

Aurora answers you with a picture of Pablo and his dad watching something. She tells you that he got there earlier than expected.

She also told you that Pablo was going to be alone because she and her parents would go to her grandparents house.

You told her that you would pay him a visit, you need to talk to him and drop something to him. You look at the box and the letter. You sigh, tired.

The movie was good, you loved it. Always did. Your grandma mentioned that she needs to go back home because her novela was about to start.

You drive her, happy that you got to spend time with her like you always did. "See you tomorrow, I'll get the vegetables for the food." You say, waving at her. "Don't forget to tell me about the drama from the novela."

She waves back, you drive back to the old streets you know by heart. You park outside the Páez household. Grabbing the box and the letter.

You take a deep breath, not sure if you can keep the composure around him. You walk to the door, knocking three times.

Pablo opens the door, freezing at the sight of you. "Y/n?" He asks, confused on why you are there. "You are back."

"Hola, Pablo," you smile at him. "Sorry I came unannounced, I was around and Aurora told me you were here."

"Don't worry, please come inside." He smiles at you. Stepping aside for you to enter. "What you have in there?"

You look at your hands. "This is a letter mom left for you, and some things she thinks you might want."

His eyes got sad, and he looks at you, trying to read your sight. "Thank you, I really appreciate you for bringing this."

You feel weird, you haven't talked to him in a while. "How are you?" You ask, trying to break the ice.

"I've been working, trying to keep busy."

"I've seen the games. You are really working hard." You smile at him.

"Hey, do you want a drink?" He asks, trying for you to stay. "We have that drink you love."

You know they do, Belen bought it for you.

"Sure, thank you."

You follow him to the kitchen, you noticed his hair has the small locks you love. His tank top showing his arms, they are bigger.

You can smell his common baby smell, he loves to wear that baby lotion your grandma once gave him for Christmas.

"Are you hungry?" He asks, handing you the glass. "I'm making dinner."

"I'm not feeling like getting poisoned." You joke.

He opens his mouth. "Perdón?" He scuffs. "I'm not the one who burns rice."

"That was once, and it was your fault." You laugh.

"Yeah, blame me." He laughs, shaking his head.

He looks at you, smiling at the old times. You look so good, with your hair up, your rosey cheeks and your perfume. That fucking perfume.

"I've missed you." He confess. "How was Boston?"

You look at him confused. "You knew where I was?"

"Your dad told me at the funeral, I asked about you because you weren't there. He said that there was a snowstorm."

You don't want to cry. You just shake your head. "It was a mess." You laugh, trying to keep the tears away. "But answering you, it was fun, I made a lit of friends."

He wants to hug you, but he doesn't know if you would want that. He can tell you needed it. "I like your shirt." He says, trying to distract you.

You sniff. "Thank you, it's an old shirt I found at my closet here."

"I know, it's mine." He smirks.

You take a look at it. "It's mine now." You joke.

He can't help but notice how you don't hold your sight like you used to do. You were someone who likes to look in the eyes.

At least into his.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks.

You nod, trying to look at him but always breaking eye contact to look away.

"Can I give you a hug?" He half smiles. You nod, stepping closer to him.

He wraps his arms around you, you hide your head on his neck. He tighten his grip once he hears you sobbing.

"I'm sorry, I just really needed this." You say, laughing a little to not keep crying.

"It's okay, preciosa." He combs your hair with his fingers. "I'm sorry this happened to you. Me and my family are here for you."

You pull after a while, thanking him for the hug. "I missed you too." You confess. "I actually went to the game in New York last year." You smile.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you were maybe mad at me, and I wasn't ready to reconnect with people from Spain." You say, honestly. "I was hurt and mad at everyone."

"It's okay, I get what you are saying." He smiles.

You two sit and talk for a while, he tells you about how he's on the run for being a captain at the club for the season.

You listen to him talk about the club, how happy he looks, and how his training is a little bit exhausting but they are working for him.

"Are you going back to Barcelona?" He asks. "I'm leaving in three days. You can come with me." He says, hopeful that maybe you two can reconnect.

"I think I'll stay for a little here." You confess. "Dad is busy and being home alone is not good for me."

He nods, understanding. He takes the dirty dishes and placing them on the sink. You offer to clean them but he refused.

You tell him that you were leaving and he walks with you to the door. "Thank you for the talk and the hug. It was a need for me." You smile.

You quickly hug him goodbye. Walking to your car. You were about to step on the street when you heard him call your name.

"Yes?" You ask, turning back to him.

"Can I see you again?" He asks, hopeful that you might want it. "Maybe when you are back in Barcelona."

You nod, knowing that it was something good for you. "I'll ask Aurora for your number." You say. "That way, when I'm back, we can see each other."

He nods, waving goodbye at you. He smiles once he closes the door. Thinking about getting to be close to you again.

When he's back in the kitchen, he notices the box and the letter. He sighs, he takes them to his room.

He opens the box, the first thing he sees is that Polaroid you had, the two of you smiling and grabbing his first team jersey.

He finds all kinds of things. That makes him smile a lot. He can't help but feel nostalgia. He misses your mom a lot.

At the bottom of the box, there's a lot of envelopes and a sticky note attached to them. Asking him to read the letter first and then he would understand what the envelopes are for.

Your mom left you a lot of letters for when you were going to different phases of your life. Leaving Pablo to be the messenger that needed to give you each of it when the right time comes.

> I know you two aren't in the best place, but I trust you, Pablo. I know you want her back, and you will fight for it.

Don't hurt her again. Take care of her for me. <

He will.

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

You stayed more than you think in Sevilla, you wanted to do a lot of things that you can't do in five days.

Your grandma loved having you close again. She would visit you at your parents' house, take meals for you, have movie nights with you.

Also it was a good thing that you were there, Aurora and you were giving so much fun planning her wedding.

Belen and you even planned with her a bridal trip with her friends. Her soon to be husband also was having a groom trip with his friends and his side of the bridal party.

So, it made sense that you combined the two parties. It was going to be a fun experience. Belen was staying home since she mentioned that she wanted to give you privacy.

You found out that Pablo was going to he the best man, you laugh at how he didn't know that you were the maid of honor.

"Okay, I have everything." You showed her the house you booked, the places you planned to go to and everything else.

"Thank you for helping me with everything!" She kisses your cheeks. "You are the best."

"Calm down, amiga." You laugh. "I'm going home, we have to pack because we are leaving tonight. Remember."

You left the Páez household, driving calmly when a phone call stops your Playlist.

"Pablo"

You smile, accepting the call. "Hello, this is McDonald's. What can we get for you?" You joke with him.

"I want a big tasty with extra extra extra bacon, extra sauce, and an extra big sprite." He laughs. "Also, may I speak with the maid of honor that sent me that invite for tomorrow?"

"That would be me, Mister Gavi." You smile.

You texted Pablo one night, you needed someone to talk to. He then never stopped texting you. Every morning and every night asking if you are okay, asking if you are resting, sleeping well, if you need something.

It was healing you in some way. It also made your dad less worried about you. You told him that Pablo and you reconnected and that you were just texting but it was helping you.

"I was thinking, maybe we can go out to eat after lading."

You think about it. You want Gavi back into your life, but you are not sure if you want it in a romantic way, more like the friend you trusted.

"What if we see if we are not too tired." You say. Parking the car in your garage. "Deal?"

"I'll take that." He laughs. "Text me when you are at the house."

"Bye." You say, hanging the call.

You enter your home, finish packing your things. You have a kind of established dress code that you and the other girl agreed to.

You pack some extra things. Ibiza was going to be fun for you. It was going to be relaxing.

yourusername has added to your story

You were having so much fun with the girls. Aurora, the girls and you were at this club that you booked.

You wanted to not drink that much, but after the first five rounds, you just let it go.

"I'm having a lot of fun." You say to Aurora.

"Me too, this is so fun."

You order a new round of drinks, "I'll go to the bathroom and be back." You announce.

Your phone was vibrating, making you take it out of your pocket. The caller ID showing Pablo's name.

"Holaaa" you say, extending the a.

"You are drunk." He laughs. "The boys wanted to meet you at the club, and apparently, the burst mand and maid of honor has to agree to do it."

"Oh, we are at this club, and we are having so much fun." You laugh. "Let me send you the address."

You text him where you are, and you are also sharing your location with him.

"Got it, preciosa." He says, happy tone. "We are drinking too."

"That fun. See you here." You say, hanging up.

After the bathroom, you got back to your friends. You noticed that the girls were doing shots.

"You didn't wait for me." You pout.

"We did. Here's your two shots." Franchesca says. Having you the shots.

You drank them, feeling them tasteless, like water. That's a dangerous zone. You feel a poke to your side. Turning to see Pablo and the boys.

"Hola." You smile at him. "Just in time, we are doing shots."

He grabs your waist, noticing how drunk you are.

"Take a shot with me, please." You smile at him. "Let's all take a shot." You say, ordering the shots.

You not only drink one round, more like five rounds. You grab your phone, texting your dad a picture that you took before going to the club.

Just for him to feel peace that you are safe.

"What are you doing?" Pablo asks, arms around your waist. He places his head on your shoulder. "You smell so good." He says in your ear, kissing your earlobe.

"I'm taxing my dad." You say, showing him the text. "He can sleep better if he doesn't know we are here." You laugh.

You are drunk, maybe too drunk.

"Let's drink more." You yell.

You were about to free yourself, but his hands are locking you in place.

"What if we take some water?" He asks.

"Water?" You laugh. "Don't be boring, Martin." You laugh. "Tequila looks like water, so tequila would be."

He doesn't free you from his hold. He needs to take care of you, he made a promise yo himself to do so.

"Pablo, let me go." You say, grabbing his arms. "What are you doing?"

"I just want you to take this easy. We still have time, and let's not black out."

"What if I want to black out?" You ask. "What if I just want to enjoy and not feel like trash?"

He's taken aback by this comment. He doesn't understand where that comes from. "What?"

"Let me go." You say, trying to get out of his hold. "I'm having fun, let me have fun." You start to hyperventilate. "I just want to have fun, please let me go."

"Hey, calm down." He says, letting you go and standing in front of you. "It's okay, we can go get another round."

He tries to grab your hands, but you back off. You shake your head, turning to the rail. You feel like throwing up.

You can see the beach from where you are. You search for the stairs with your head. Walking to it.

"Hey, careful." He says, grabbing your arm as you walk to the beach.

You drag him to the edge of the water. You free yourself from his hold, taking your heels off, and walking into the water. Pablo alarms, taking his shoes off and joining you.

"Leave me alone, Pablo." You tell him, pushing him away. "Just go back and have fun." You sat down, water level to your breast. You try not to cry, taking deep breaths. "Just leave me alone."

"Im not leaving." He says, taking a seat with you.

You shake your head no, crying into your hands. "I just want to be alone." You say. "Please, leave me alone."

He moves places, kneeling in front of you. "Come here." He says, arms opening. You cry into his arms.

He doesn't understand what he did or if it was his fault. Maybe the drinks, maybe what he says, maybe both.

"Talk to me." He says.

You separate, looking into his eyes. "I just," you sob. "I feel this pain since she left. And I can't help but think that maybe this would never go away." You sob.

"Amor, look at me." He asks. You shake your head no. He grabs your chin, making you look at him. "It's okay to feel that way. You need to mourn your feelings. You lost someone really important, and it will take a lot of time for you to feel a little bit of the way you felt before. Okay?"

You nod, tearing up.

"One day at the time." He says. Kissing your cheek, his hands on your arms, caressing them.

You grab his cheeks in your hands, the wet feeling making him shiver. You caress his cheeks.

"You are okay, I'm here."

You smash your lips on his. Needing a little more. Pablo places his hands on your unclothed back.

The taste of alcohol in each others mouths feels good, the tonge fight and the small whines you let go are an scene.

"You are drunk," Pablo says, breathless. "This is wrong." He whispers before going back to you. You two kissed again, it was wrong, but it felt good. "We need to stop." He says.

"I don't want to stop, Gavi." You whisper to him. Pecking him. He pulls away from your hold. Leaving you confused. "What are you doing?"

"I can't." He laughs sarcastically. "If I don't stop now, I won't be able to stop later. And you are drunk, we can't." He sits next to you.

You nod, feeling a little sad that you were rejected. You stayed there, sitting next to him. Your head resting on his shoulder.

"I want to throw up." You say. Turning and crawling back to the edge. Not wanting to throw up in the water.

Gavi sighs, smiling a little at how funny you look. "Let me grab your hair." He hurries to your side.

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

You were relaxed at your house in Barcelona. Helping your dad with throwing things that are unnecessary to keep.

You hear the doorbell, placing the things you have on your hands in the box that you place on the floor.

You walk to the door, finding gavi on the other side. He has a bag with your favorite the name of your restaurant.

"I have dinner." He smiles. "You dad told me he was on a work trip. And I made myself the responsible one for your dinner."

You smile at him. This was an ongoing thing, Pablo has been coming to see you since you came back from Sevilla.

He drives you to therapy, he visits you after training, before training. Takes you to his games.

He's your hip and thigh at this point. Always by your side. You were thankful to him for that. Your dad thanked him for doing that.

Knowing that you needed help from someone else but him. Grateful that you were feeling better and looking better.

You help him serve the food in plates. Sharing half and half. You serve two glasses of wine. You loved pasta and wine.

"If you can pick between going to space or going to hell, which one?" You ask out of nowhere.

"Amor, what the fuck?" He laughs.

He has these nicknames he calls you. You grow used to them, letting him use them on you.

"Pick one." You smile.

"Maybe space." He thinks. "Yeah, space."

You keep doing this game for a while, laughing at each others answers. You enjoy times like this.

You wash the dishes, and he dries them. A team work. "Hey, do you want to see a movie in my room?" You ask, leaving the dishes in their place.

You grab your glass of wine. Refiling it, doing the same with his. You walk upstairs with him. Hand in hand, as if he doesn't know the way.

"What do you wanna see?" You say, laying in bed.

He grabs the remote from the nightstand, turning your tv on and walking to the door, turning the lights off.

"What do you." He points at you. "Wanna see?" He smiles.

"Avengers." You whisper, knowing he loves Marvel.

He smiles, scrunching his nose. "I was thinking about that movie." He says, happy. He walks up to you. He bows down to you, lips kissing your cheeks. "You read my mind."

You grab his cheeks. "I did." You smile at him. "I'm a mind reader." You joke.

He laughs, his hands resting on the mattress on each side of you. He places his head on the crock of your neck.

"If you are, tell me what I'm thinking." He says, kissing your neck. "Let's see if you get it right."

You think for a few seconds. His breath on your neck is making you giggle. "You are thinking about food." You say, jokingly.

"Oh no!" He says, worried look. "You got it right, you are a mind reader." He laughs against your skin.

You hug him, making him fall on top of you. You kiss his head. Loving the warm feeling of his body on top of yours.

"I love you." You say to him. "Thank you for being here."

You were honest with him. Without him, you would've been the same mess you were before the chat at the beach.

"I love you." He repeats, nose bumping with yours. You look at him, the smile he has is adorable, the way his eyes are shining too.

You grab his cheek, caressing his skin. "Kiss me." You whisper to him.

He doesn't waste a second. Lips on top of yours. You taste him, drunk into his arms and his presence.

You can get used to that feeling, you can get used to the warmth. You moan into his lips. Your hands move to find the hem of his shirt.

You separate from the kiss, pulling his shirt off of him. He takes it off, not waiting a second to go back into the kiss.

His hand finds his way under your shirt and to your boob, taking it into his mercy. You throw your head back, giving him access to your neck.

"Can I take this off?" He asks between kisses to your neck, making sure you are okay with what's about to happen.

"Si, solo no pares." You moan.

He takes the piece of clothes, lips finding the valley of your breasts while his hands hold your sides.

"Pablo" you moan his name, grabbing his hair. You can't help but bring him closer to you.

He moves back to your lips, giving you the opportunity to reach his shorts. You separate for him, looking into his eyes.

"Do you want this?" He asks, making you nod. "No, say it. I need to hear it from you."

"Si." You say desperately. "Please do it."

He smiles, kissing you again. You pull his shorts down. He helps you by kicking them. His hands search your back, undoing your bra and throwing it to the side.

He kneels up to the bed, grabbing the hem of your shorts and pulling them down. You grab the hem of his boxers, doing the same.

"You are not going to stop, verdad?" You ask him. Pupils dilated from desire.

"No, amor." He says, looking at you. He pecks the line of your jawline to your lips. "I'm not stopping." He kisses you. "Nobody's interrupting us." He kisses you again. "We are sober." Kiss again. "And I'm going to take care of you, like you deserve."

He takes the hem of your panties and pulls them off. Leaving you naked in font of him. He balls them in his hand as he takes a look at you completely.

He throws the underwear to the side before getting back on top of you, lips finding your one more time.

He holds himself up on with one arm while one of his hands goes down between your legs and starts playing with your center, making you moan into his lips before they move down to your neck.

“You are so perfect,” he grasped before getting on his knees again and spreading your legs wider, his head burying between your thighs. He wants to make sure you enjoy everything.

The noises coming from him were dirty and only made you want him even more. Your hands on his hair, pulling it lightly.

He grabs your waist, making you stay still. You fall into bed. Eyes unable to open from the pleasure he's making you feel.

It doesn't take you long to reach your high. He finds your moans and little growls as motivation. It's really hard for him not to cum just by the look of you.

He gets close to your face, kissing you to make you taste yourself. You separate, biting your lip while looking at him.

“Let me take care of you now,” you moaned, trying to reach for him, but he stopped you. Shaking his head.

“No, amor. I’m not done with you yet.” he says, his deep tone making you bite the inside of your cheek. “Tonight it's all about you."

pablogavi has added to his close friends

"What are you drawing?" You ask him.

He organized this little activity in his house. He bought everything to paint while you two enjoy some Moscato.

"I'm painting you." He smiles. "Or at least I'll try." You laugh at that, making him smile.

"I'm painting a sunset." You say, grabbing the orange and red.

You listen to the music in the background, using the time to paint. He looks at you from time to time, trying to act as if he's drawing your features.

"I'm done." He says, hands up like in those cooking shows.

"Was this a competition?" You laugh. "I thought this was a relaxing activity."

"I won." He smirks. "Let's call it a night." He jokes, standing and walking around the table to you.

"Amor, sientate." You laugh.

He hugs you, making you stop with your paint. "You are so talented, mi vida." He kisses your cheeks.

You turn your head, kissing his lips. "Show me your art, Picasso." He nods, stretching to grab his paint. You laugh at the sight of it. "Pablo, that's a stick person in the park."

"It's high class art, amor." He jokes. "Look at the sun in the corner."

"You draw a smiley face to the sun." You say, taking your phone and snapping a picture of him.

You left your paint, getting up and hugging him. You loved this time with him. How hard he proved himself to you.

"I can't believe my sister's getting married this weekend."

"I know, so crazy." You say, thinking about it.

"Let's go upstairs to watch out show." He suggests, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the stairs.

You go to his room. Taking your shoes off, you grab your favorite blanket. He grabs his blanket, placing it next to you.

"I'll just use the bathroom." He stands up, grabbing the remote and handing it to you. "I'll be right back."

You nod, connecting your phone to his charger. You press the on button on the remote, it was not working.

"Amor, your remote is dead." You say, louder for him to hear.

"There's batteries on the nightstand to the left." He shouts from the bathroom.

You sigh, moving to find them. You open the nightstand, finding a mess. "Ughh, seriously?" You whisper to yourself.

You open it completely. Eyes focusing on the stack of envelopes that he has at the end of the drawer.

But what really calls your attention is the note sticked to the one on top. That's your mother's handwriting.

You take them, noticing that the fist envelope was the letter she left for him. You read the sticky note. It was an instruction to read the letter first to understand what the envelopes are for.

"What are you doing?" He says, taking them out of your hands.

You look at him, confused on why he has those envelopes and why your mother left them yo him.

"What is that?" You whisper.

"Nothing, did you find the batteries?" He walks away with the stack. Trying to get it out of your reach.

"Pablo, what is that?" You ask again.

"I said nothing." He says, tone more stern.

"Don't lie to me." You warn him. "What is that?"

He sighs, not wanting for you to find about this like that. He turns, noticing your glossy eyes and accelerated breathing.

"Your mom left this for you." He confess. "They all are for different moment, she thought that I was the one who should give them to you as the time comes."

"Can I read them?" You stand up, walking to him.

He shakes his head no, taking a few steps back. "She instructed me with how and when I should give them to you."

"That's stupid. Let me read them." You try to take them out of his hands. "Pablo!"

"I can't." He says. "This is the last thing your mother asked me to do, and I will do it like she wants."

You shake your head. Feeling the tears fill your eyes. "Just one." You cry. "Please."

He wants to hand them to you. He wants you to stop crying by the thought of them. But he made a promise to himself to follow the instructions like he was asked to do.

"Amor, please don't cry."

"Don't call me that." You say.

You weren't thinking rationally. You wanted him to hand you the envelopes. You don't care if he has instructions.

"Y/n." He sighs. "Let's talk."

"No!" You shout. "Just give me one. She won't be mad." You walk over to him, trying one more time to get your hands on them.

But he's not having it. He turns, making you impossible to reach. You grab his shirt, pulling it lightly.

"Don't do this to me." You sob. "Just let me read a little, I don't have to read it all." You cry. "Pablo, please."

You fall on the floor, crying while you hug his legs. He's breaking his own heart by denying you access to them.

"I'm sorry." He says, kneeling to where you are. "I can't."

You look up to him. Frowning mad at him. You feel rage. Maybe not at him, but taking it out on him anyway.

"Fuck you then." You spat. "Keep them all, I don't need them." You get up.

You walk over to where your phone is, disconnecting it to the power. You turn to him, still kneeling on the floor.

You walk to the exit about to get out of the room. You stop at the door, sobbing. "Pablo." You call for him, turning to see him. "Just one."

You can see his eyes filling with tears. He can't break his promise, not after breaking all the ones he made to her when she was still alive.

"I love you, but I can't."

You nod, walking out of the room.

Pablo hears his front door slaming shut. He cries into his hand. He can't help but feel guilty for doing that.

You drove home. Rushing to get to your father. You park horribly and run inside your house. "Dad." You yell.

His car was outside, so he has to be there. You run upstairs, opening his bedroom door. You find him watching a golf game.

"Did you knew about the letters mom left?"

He blinks, not even surprised. He turns the tv off. "Goodnight to you too, kiddo."

"Stop!" You order him. "Answer."

He sighs, knowing this was coming sooner or later. "I did." He smiles at you. "And let me guess, Pablo didn't hand them to you."

"What?"

"She informed me about the letters, and she packed them in the box she left for him. I told her it was best if I kept them, but she knew I would hand them to you if you asked me that."

He walks to his closet, making you a sign to follow him. He grabs his keys and opens the locked drawer he has.

He takes an envelope. "So she left me with this, for when you find out about the others and didn't get to have them."

You rip the letter from his hand. Reading the back of it.

> The explanation you need <

You look at him. He nods, pushing you to the exit, you needed to be alone for what's coming.

aurorapaezg has added to her story

"Oh no!" Aurora says. Looking into her things like crazy. "Y/n!"

"What's wrong?"

"I forgot the vows, I thought I packed them inside. What am I going to do?"

"Hey, relax." You grab her by the shoulders. "Where are they? I can pick them up."

"They are home, but I'm not ready yet, and I still have th-"

"Rora, I'm picking them up." You smile at her. "I'm the maid of honor, I am ready, I can do it."

"Are you sure?" She asks, glossy eyes.

"I'm already on the way." You laugh, grabbing you car keys and your purse. "Let's pray my hair stays intact."

You make her laugh, you wave goodbye at her. You hurry to her house, not wanting to spend much time outside in case she needs anything else.

The ceremony was in a few hours. So you have time to go there and back. Not having to worry about being late.

You knocked on the door, and she told you there was someone in the house. You were on your phone, waiting for the door to be open.

Gavi feels his breath pause, the way your black flower dress looks on you. He can't help but smile at the look of you.

You lift your head, finding his honey eyes sticked on you. "Pablo, hello." You smile. Your soft voice is making him smile even more.

"Hi." It's all he can say.

You don't want to make it awkward, but you can't take your eyes off of him. He feels uncomfortable. He doesn't like to be mad at your or you to be mad at him.

"I'm sorr-" He tries to say, getting interrupted by you.

"I'm here for the vows." You say. Not wanting to talk about it.

"Oh yes, the vows, get in." He steps aside for you. He guides you to the living room. He hands you the little box with them.

You text a picture to Aurora. Making her know you have them and that you'll be there with her as soon as possible.

You turn to Pablo, he's trying to get his blazer and tie to work. "Do you need help?" You ask, noticing how he looks a little frustrated.

"Por favor." He sighs, tired of trying.

You leave your purse and the box down on the table next to you. Getting closer to him, you turn him to face the mirror that is on the living room.

You fix the neck of the blazer, lining it up with the neck of his shirt. He shivers with the contact, inhaling the smell of your perfume.

"You changed your perfume." He whispers.

You smile at that, he noticed. "I did, it's good to have a change."

You grab his arms, fixing the blazer and the shirt down it. You grab his hands while fixing the rest of the arm.

Pablo can't help but squish your hand. It's like he's trying to prove that you are there and not another dream of his.

You smile at his actions. "Just the tie left." You grab the tie, putting it around his neck.

You have a flashback. Having him so close to you isn't really helping. The way his hands pose around your waist, fingers tapping on your hips.

Pablo's eyes are locked into yours, his hands are now on your back and side. He's moving them, tapping his fingers around.

You try to hurry. Feeling like you might faint if you don't. "And we are done." You smile at him. "Your hair is a little lighter, or is it me?"

You laugh, trying to get composure. He just smiles. You look at his hair in the mirror and then turned back to him.

You fix his hair, the feeling of his eyes on you, it's burning. "That's better." You smile at him. "Want me to give you a ride?"

"Please." He whispers, lost into all of you.

You turn to the table, grabbing your things and the box. You wait for him to follow you to your car.

He closes the door, following you to your car. "Not this car." He laughs. "I thought you left the obsession for this car back in our teenage years."

"It's new and it's cute, also it has a strawberry smell." You frown. "So get in or go im an Uber." You unlock the door, smiling at him as you enter your seat.

Pablo chuckles, entering the car. The drive was silent, but not an uncomfortable silence. It's more like enjoying your company in silence kind of thing.

When you get there. You don't know why, but you wait for him to get out. You need some time for yourself before going in there and act all happy.

"You coming?" He asks, knocking on your window.

"Si, I just need a minute." You saw, lowering the window and trying to act normal.

He looks at you, noticing your sad eyes. "Are you okay?"

You smile, the only person you can't lie to it's him. "Yes, just fixing my makeup and I'll be there. Take this to Aurora."

You see him walk away. You take a few deep breaths, acting up was no getting you nowhere and you know it.

You walk to the venue, happy face when you see Aurora. She is talking with Pablo.

"Hey, thank you for picking the vows and my brother." She hugs you. "Always a life saver."

"Don't thank me, that what the maid of honor has to do." You smile. "But let's go!"

The ceremony went well. You can't help but feel nostalgic. Your mothers always helped you two play wedding as kids.

Your parents making fun of Pablo for being the only boy and being forced to marry you or to officiate the wedding between the two of you when you couldn't find another boy to play.

You can't forget how your mom and Belen would talk about the special day of their daughters. Saying what your dresses might look like, the flowers.

Now it's a reality for her.

The dinner party was fun. Aurora was having the fun of her life. You looked at her from the distance, not feeling like dancing.

You walk outside the venue, the garden is majestic, all the roses, the smell. It's paradise. You sit on the bench, looking at the butterflies that roam around the garden.

You were lost in your thoughts, but you feel someone sitting next to you. You don't need to turn your face to see who it is, the smell of his cologne already telling you.

"Want a drink?" Pablo asks, leaving the glass with liquor next to you.

"Gracias." You smile.

He stays quiet for a moment, waiting for you to say something or to ask him to leave. "Are you ready to talk?"

You nod, thinking about what you want to say. "I'm sorry I treated you that way. I was out of my mind and not really mad at you. I just needed to let go of my range."

He grabs your hand, squishing it yo give your courage. You smile at his little action. Finding it very comforting.

"Turns out she not only left those to you, but one more with my dad. She knew you would say no and that I would want an explanation."

You laugh at how comical it sounds. Pablo smiles at your reaction, finding it a little more calming than he was expecting.

"And in that letter, she asked me not to be mad at you." You turn to him. "She asked me to take care of you, that you need me as much as I need you."

You make a pause, not feeling like crying. You turn back to your original position. You can't look into his eyes.

"I don't want to cry," you say, thinking about everything that you are feeling. "Tell me about something else, please."

He tries to think of something to say, a topic to keep your mind away from all the commotion you are feeling inside. He then thinks about football.

"With the team, we won la Liga with this last game, and we think we can get the champions."

"Keep dreaming." You joke. "Maybe if number six works harder, you can have a chance."

"Si, but number six doesn't want to work harder." He follows along with your joke. "He's lazy."

"Always have been." You laugh, shoulder hitting his. "You drink liquor now? What happened to cheap beer?" You tease him.

"I never drank cheap beer. That was Fermin and the rest." He laughs.

"True." You chuckle.

You just stayed quiet after that. You drank the liquid in your glass as a shot.

"Let's go back inside." You stand. "Aurora will get worried."

He grabs your hand, making you turn. "You don't have to be strong all the time." He grabs your face with his hands. "And I know I'm going to make big promises, but it's all real. You have me, always did, always will." Your eyes fill with tears. You nod, hugging him. "It's okay, I'm here now. And I won't let you leave ever again." He says, kissing your shoulder. "I'm here, princesa. I'm always here."

You cry into him. His arms tighten the grip, making sure you know he's there for you. You stayed like that until you felt better.

"I have an idea." He says, pulling away to see your face. Thumbs drying your tears. "Let's go to dance." He smiles. "We need to let all the worries away."

You smile at him, nodding your head. You grab his hand and take a step to the side for him to lead the way.

"Pablo." You call, pulling him by the arm.

He turns to you, the feeling of your lips on his, surprising him. His hands go to your waist and neck. Pulling you closer. You grab his face, not wanting to let go.

The kiss is what you always expected it to be. It's sweet and delicate. It's the kiss that would seat the deal.

After all the kisses you shared, you can say this is your favorite one. Because both of you accepted your feelings. It was the perfect one.

You separate, needing air. His forehead sticks with yours. He pulls to kiss your forehead and then peck your lips.

You close your eyes, enjoying having him so close. Finally knowing he was your and you were his.

pablogavi has added to his story

"Are you ready to go home?" He asks you. Grabbing your hand and kissing it.

Pablo was having games every three days, he loves having you there as a support. He loves having his personal cheerleader back.

"That jersey looks amazing on you." He makes you turn.

"Oh God!" You laugh. "That's going to make me nauseous." You grab his arms. He hugs you, making you walk on reverse while he laughs at you. "Pablo, stop!" You laugh.

"Wanna get some food?" He asks, thinking about all the food options. "Are you craving something?" He asks, eyes on your belly.

"Actually, Aurora called me. She wants us to meet her at home. She wants us to have a few drinks with her and her husband."

"Talking about drinks, Pedri actually invited us to a barbecue tomorrow. He asked me to bring the drinks."

You laugh at the coincidence. You two were the professional drink makers of the team, so it was easy to ask you to bring the drinks.

"I feel like it's time to tell them." You hug his waist, kissing his neck. "It's about time they find out. Aurora is getting suspicious. And I can't keep making excuses about why I'm not drinking." You laugh.

He thinks for a moment, looking at you with a pout. "Let her keep guessing." He kisses the side of your head, placing his hands on your belly. "Let's keep enjoying a little bit more by ourselves." He smiles.

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

🏷️: @htpssgavi @rikfkf @gadriezmannsgirl @coco657 @cinderellawithashoe @pabl0andm3 @vscabarca @alexis1taylorr @anythingforourjoonie @nightmoon22 @cececarmona @thefhost1345 @sad1lynn @abiigaiil1234

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