#so paying $10 for something very healthy i will not have otherwise is fair i think

[gardenstateofmind]

is it ridiculous that i spent almost $20 on a juice and avocado toast just so i could have it delivered to my front door? yes. will i do it again? also yes.

[percabeth4life]

oh shit hangon ignore the last ask re: percy/iapetus, i forgot to add that i mean at the point where he's starting to remember

Everyone out here for the Titan’s :)

Iapetus/Percy

Physical age

Percy would be 16 and Iapetus… like 20 something.

As usual the Titan holds the power here

Mental maturity

Percy is fierce and loyal and determined boy who’s clearly forced to grow up from all that fun trauma he got. We love trauma, mostly caused by Kronos but lets be fair, the Gods weren’t exactly paying his therapy bills, and neither was his dead step-dad. He’s very grown up and has a cynical but also well informed view of the world. He knows how to deal with all that nonsense and how to think in stressful situations (he excels at that even thanks abusive step-dad). So we’ve got a pretty grown up teen, but still a teen and that is clear in some of his reasoning.

Iapetus, like his siblings, is over 10 thousand years old. Unlike his siblings he is also very young as he starts to regain his memories. This Iapetus has minimal experience, he’s still figuring things out, he doesn’t know what’s really going on but he’s figuring out what he believes and fights for. He’s very young, willing to listen to those around him that he trusts, but also assured enough to have opinions. He doesn’t know how to deal with people, is still figuring out what good and bad is, and doesn’t know how to really make his own decisions.

There is an imbalance in Percy’s favor

Emotional maturity

Percy has been forced to grow up far too much emotionally and also has a shit  ton of trauma to work through so we should probably get him therapy at some point. He’s unfortunately very mature emotionally because of… or despite the trauma he has had time to talk to friends and family and work through things inbetween his life and death experiences. He doesn’t have much control of his anger though, and he isn’t good at understanding other’s emotions but that’s fair emotions are hard. He has the maturity to understand his emotions at least, and deal with them in a healthy manner, but stars someone get the kid some therapy.

Iapetus is a complete fucking wreck emotionally. The guy has no idea what’s going on, he’s emotionally compromised because he has almost no basis of his life, and he has no ability to decide for himself what to feel. He listened to Percy on his feelings and nodded along otherwise. He’s young and uncertain and really needs to learn how to feel and understand his emotions and decide things based on them.

There is an imbalance in Percy’s favor

Power imbalance

No real one.

Overall,

Poor fucking Iapetus someone get him a healthy friendship. Percy would hold so much power in this relationship like Iapetus might be getting his memories back but the guy does not have the knowledge for real. He has only impressions it seems, and it almost seems like he views them separately. He is not ready for a relationship even if Percy would be.

Send me an ask about a relationship.

[allisonmakes]

MOVIE REVIEW: 10 things I hate about you

A classic high school rom-com to quote with your friends and further romanticize a hard four years. I liked this movie and it’s a great sleepover film if you and your friends only feel like half watching something. There is bad fashion, fun songs, and I rate it 6/10

Summary- New kid (who is also a senior but looks 12) immediately wants to date sophomore Bianca. The only problem is that she is not allowed to date until her older, badass, feminist sister dates. What an issue because who would want to date a girl that is empowered? A whole scheme unravels and it’s basically a fake dating mutual pining au so my fanfic readers will enjoy this one.

Review on story- very meh. It’s problematic, but I rant about that in the long paragraph. The writing for the characters is surprisingly good. Everyone stays true to themselves and each person is defined and has their own personality, for better or worse. The plot also had a good flow. I don’t think I saw one scene that didn’t matter. Everything built on each other and for the large number of important characters, they all were developed and fit well. The dialogue is pretty cute as well. One of my biggest problems is the title. Spoilers: I know that Kat reads off the poem about the 10 things at the end but I don’t like how the poem tired in at all and I think it wasn’t a strong scene. The title bugged me so that’s that. End of spoilers: The best take away for writers is the characters. They worked well together and you could tell the actors were a lot like their characters and were extremely believable.

Review on filming- I don’t have much to say on filming. To be fair, I wasn’t paying attention too much to camera angles because I watched this as a comfort movie in the background of writing another review (ahah yes I take this very seriously) One thing I really wanted to touch on is the scene at the house party. When we first arrive, the camera pans through a cute little swing bench area and I thought “Oh wow that’s really cute and I wish there would be a little scene there otherwise that’s wasted potential” and then ten minutes later THEY WERE ON THE SWING BENCH THING! Intuition check? Yes, but that was a really good way to introduce a smaller set or a prop that will come back later. It is really good to show a couple things before they come into play because then the audience feels more involved.

Feminism- What?! A new category? Yes, this movie and almost every other movie falls under the influence of the patriarchy and it is my self-proclaimed job to call it out. The start of Kat and Patrick’s relationship is extremely toxic. A girl being asked out as a joke or for money is no laughing matter and thankfully this movie does not abuse this relationship further. Women are not items and cannot be bought. Before I get to poor Bianca, please note that part of Kat’s character development was her losing her feminist qualities. She continued to speak up on injustice and doesn’t take shit from anyone, but she is not as outgoing or “different from the norm” at the end of the movie. They made her reliant on a man by having her character say that she is nothing without Patrick by reading the poem. This is very harmful and teaches people that women are, in the end, nothing without a man. Wow what a rant and we didn’t even get to the best part. Bianca is bought, sold, lusted after, and treated like a dumb girl this entire movie. Within the first minutes, Cameron says that he can and will “get” her like she is a prize for a game. It is clear that she wants a healthy, happy relationship and is tricked by both Joey and Cameron into relationships with them. She is portrayed to have no original ideas and mainly does whatever is told of her, despite going against her father’s wishes. Her character is poorly written and I beg any aspiring writers to portray women as people and not prizes.

Overall- Wow that was a lot, but it was necessary. I did really like the movie and will gladly try to recreate the great prom-posal with the girl I like someday. It will probably end up bad, but hey, do it for the reference.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: Roman x His Mystery Boyfriend

Word Count: 1,459 Words

Summary: Deceit loves his dog, grocery shopping, and the anxiety twins drop off the dark sides something special.

Warnings: Sex Mentions, Cursing, Death Mention, Food Mention, Slight Body Horror Kind Of?, Sick Character, Immunocompromised Character, Aggressive Affection (aka Virgil’s way of showing love), Drug Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Note: This chapter is pre-SvS, by the way. Bolded and blockquoted are actions in their chatroom, not a message.

Usernames, a quick translation guide: Andy: Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero), Dayd: carniverousroomba, Dice: Dr. Bitch, Emile: Thera-pissed, Janus: SnekBoi, Logan: Momgan, October: eatpavementido, Patton: Papa Bear, Pryce: SwEeTvErUcA, Remus: Octopussy, Remy: Coffee Bandit, Roman: waaahluigi, Teal: uwu, Thomas: shrexy, Virgil: spipples

A Very Sanders Group Chat: Chapter 5

8:46AM

SnekBoi: I love Boogey, he's the light of my life and I would kill a man for him if he needed me to.

shrexy: Your dog? What happened?

SnekBoi: My absolute greatest boy ever just helped me get up and I owe him the world and maybe some extra snacks because he's not used to helping me get up anymore but he did it anyway.

Octopussy: you absolute fool, you full well know I would've come up and helped you but you have the dog help?

SnekBoi: I severely doubt you wanted me to wait to get up just so I could puke on you.

Octopussy: fair enough.

spipples: I just can't believe you have to give up another two plus years for this same bullshit again.

SnekBoi: I'll be fine. I've did this before, I can do it again.

spipples: I just hate that you have to do it all over again.

SnekBoi: Well, I did the month's stay in the hospital again right before I started working again and I was on my second stage of treatment, but I'm getting re-admitted for another month tomorrow, since my progress is now going backward ever since my fever and there's no signs yet that the first treatment worked so I'll have to do that stage again.

Dr. Bitch: Yeah, I wanna get you through the treatment again because, otherwise, it won't go away and, as much as I love you, I really don't wanna see you every day if if means I'm seeing you not healthy and I sure as hell don't wanna see you close to your deathbed.

SnekBoi: I know, healthy is the goal, I get it. Anyway, I have some exhaustion to deal with, I feel like a corpse.

Octopussy: cool, can I do an autopsy on you?

SnekBoi: If it means death, I will accept.

Dr. Bitch: There will be no autopsies on my patient, you bone-headed little shit.

Octopussy: fine. but I'm still bringing him breakfast so he might feel better.

SnekBoi: What's breakfast?

Octopussy: well, I got you the ginger candy you like, first of all. and I made you the bagels you like and I might possibly sneak you extra non-dairy cream cheese and I made Boogey a treat bowl since I know you don't keep good boy treats in your room.

SnekBoi: I love you.

Octopussy: I know you do.

SnekBoi and Octopussy are offline

shrexy: I hope whatever that treatment he's having works this time.

spipples: Well, Inny and Dice are doing their best so we just have to trust they know what they're doing. Knowing they've accomplished making him healthy once, makes it easy to believe that they can do it again.

spipples: This time, it just has a lot more stuff because last time his month's hospital stay worked and nothing hitched like his fever last week. Or at least it didn't until he was farther in the treatment when he was starting to push himself again.

waaahluigi: Can we talk about something else?

spipples; Well, I need to go food shopping today, who wants to go with me?

SwEeTvErUcA: I'll go, I need a few things for dinner.

carniverousroomba: Yeah sure, I need to get me some good candy for my Netflix binge tonight.

Papa Bear: I can't to go because I'm busy at work but if you guys can pick me up a loaf of bread and just have someone bring it to me, I'll pay you back.

spipples: If you can make me a decent meal for work when cooking is hard for you, Pat, I think I can buy you a loaf of bread and deliver it to my hard-working dad.

Papa Bear: Oh, it's okay, I want to pay you back! Virge, you always get stuck bringing me food or picking me up things, I feel bad!

spipples: Did I ask you to pay me back?

Papa Bear: No, but I want to!

spipples: I didn't ask you to because money isn't a factor, Patton, You need to eat at work. I won't have you pulling a 12 hour shift without food because Nathaniel isn't there anymore. You need to get some food in your system, feeding yourself is important, Patton. And, if you try to sneak money into my wallet, pockets, or otherwise, I can and will put it back.

Dr. Bitch: Virgil's really out here screaming that food is important. I love that your brand of aggressive affection is still going.

spipples: It never stopped being aggressively affectionate, Dice.

waaahluigi: I need some things, I'll go.

eatpavementido: Please pick me up exactly four tiny pumpkins and a tbe of black paint for them.

spipples: Alrighty there cryptid.

10:10 AM

Momgan: If you're currently at the store, please bring me home coffee before I die from lack of caffeine.

spipples: hey, you, you're finally awake!

waaahluigi: Quick question, what aisle are you in? Because I'm going to come over there and punch you.

spipples: Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?

shrexy: Oh no, he's in meme mode today.

spipples: Maybe.

Momgan: Please. Just pick up coffee, any form of coffee and I swear  to god, I'll make you whatever you want for dinner.

spipples: Pizza and nuggets.

Momgan: Done.

Thera-pissed: I feel like I just witnessed a drug deal.

Coffee Bandit: You did. But it's a drug deal for food.

Thera-pissed: Yeah, I figured that out.

12:17PM

Momgan: I have caffeine, I am now human again.

uwu: Good because I'm lonely, come cuddle.

Momgan: Ah, drawn back into the hell of a day off in bed by my own brother. What treachery is this?

uwu: The good kind, now come cuddle me, I'm cold, goddammit.

Momgan: Fine.

shrexy: Wait, you have a brother?

Momgan: Yes, Teal, your teacher character from your short videos is my brother. He may not be a side, but, since our function initially was similar, your mind connected us as brothers just as it has with Virgil and Andy, Roman and Pryce, and Patton and Dayd.

shrexy: Huh, learning something new about you guys every day.

Momgan: I know, I find it rather fun that you're learning so easily.

2:43PM

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Thought I'd share my dumbass little brother being cute because why not die today.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): virgilinaflowercrown.jpg

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): virgilinadress.jpg

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): virgilinaflowermaze.jpg

Octopussy: are you outside our house.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Delivering food.

SnekBoi: Aw, you two are so thoughtful!

spipples: Well, we gotta help you two somehow and your garden won't sustain two weeks isolation. We've tried that, remember? The week of potatoes?

Octopussy: I know. I just don't have the heart to go because it's always so crowded and I can't risk getting Dee sick.

spipples: And now you don't have to, And we washed everything once, just in case so there's no germs coming into the house.

SnekBoi: I wish I could hug you two.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Don't, focus on yourself.

SnekBoi: I know. But still, thank you.

spipples: And no going off on a "you'll pay me back" spiel, I already did that with Patton and the answer is no, you cannot pay me back because I'm trying to help you get better and I don't want to be repaid for helping you out when you definitely need it.

SnekBoi: You little shit, I love you.

spipples: The feeling is mutual, you funky little snake.

3:01PM

Octopussy: is this half pre-cooked food, half stuff from the store? why?

spipples: Well, we know that you're both really busy right now so we made you food like you used to make us food when we were really busy.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): And don't worry, we made sure it was all healthy for Dee.

Octopussy: how long did this take you and how much did this cost you!? this is like an entire fridge and freezer of food!

spipples: Let's just say I took the last couple days off and I worked really late last week.

Octopussy: you didn't need to do that.

spipples: You're right, I wanted to.

Octopussy: you're so lucky Dee's asleep or he'd be telling you off for pulling a stunt like this.

spipples: I fully expect to be chewed out later, don't worry.

spipples: Just let me do something while you guys need it, you didn't have this kind of help the first time and I don't want to let this time be like that again, especially when I can help you.

Octopussy: I'd have hugged you if I wasn't isolating, you lovable little shit.

spipple: Love you too, Inny, you amazing jackass.

Taglist: @glaxyjellyfish @chronophobica @fear-ze-queer

[imagine-ikebukuro]

hi! can I please request shizuo and his female s/o getting into their first huge heated fight? can it please have a fluffy ending? thank you so much for your time!

It was bound to happen eventually. Shizuo saw it coming, but that didn’t mean he was any less scared of it. He dreaded the thought of ever snapping during an argument with her. But it happened, nevertheless.

The day has been pretty rough as is already. It’s not really an excuse, but he was already tense to begin with and her nagging certainly didn’t help with his bad mood.

Her complaints are justified, though. He has been straining himself recently and she probably just wants to help and only means well when she tells him to get a grip. But instead of taking her kind reminders as good advice – “You should eat more regularly and make sure it’s healthy food, not just instant noodles.” or the “You’ve been getting far too less sleep lately. Maybe you should cut off some shifts, I’m sure Tom will understand.” – all Shizuo interprets it as is her not being satisfied with his lifestyle. Not satisfied with him.

“What’s it to you anyway? If I’m not good enough, then just scram instead of being an ass about it.”

The growl in his tone should’ve served as a warning, but she remains stubborn. She was never really scared of Shizuo. Although he couldn’t understand how she didn’t think of him as nothing but a brute, he was thankful for her accepting attitude towards him. Otherwise they probably wouldn’t have ended up together in the first place.

Pouting, hands at her hips and brows furrowed she throws a glare at him and it infuriates him even further. “I’m not a dumpster for your bad mood, Shizuo. I just want to help you.”

The implication that he can’t control himself and – even worse – takes it out on her, drives him insane. Ironic, isn’t it? Thinking about it in retrospect, he knows how ridiculous it is, but that doesn’t help in any way, shape or form.

All he sees is red and he feels the adrenaline kick in. So he reacts quickly and just leaves, not wanting the situation to escalate any further. He can’t remember telling her “I don’t want your help.”, even though it’s something she points out in a later conversation. To him it’s a wonder he hasn’t said or done anything worse, but he can’t really recall any of it – as if blacked out. He remembers storming off and he remembers shattering the nearest trash bin to pieces to a point where the only thing left behind might as well have been dust.

After having a smoke and finishing the cigarette, he’s somewhat calmed down. He still ignores anyone passing by since he’s lost in thought and tries to reflect on what just happened. He knows he’s in the wrong here, but her judgemental attitude still bothers him.

After a while, he walks back home, somewhat hopeful that she would be sitting there and waiting for him still, but the apartment is empty. A note on the table says “please call me when you feel better.” in pretty handwriting and now he really feels like an asshole. He knows she’s just worried and caring and he know’s he overreacted.

But even though Shizuo truly wants to call her, he never manages to bring up the courage to do so. He wants to apologize, but something inside him tells him that maybe it’s just better off this way. Thinking back to the trash can he destroyed makes him shudder. Sure, this time he was able to draw back from the situation and cool off without hurting her. But what if he snaps again next time? What if he does end up hurting her in the process? He could never forgive himself.

Much to the dismay of any of Tom’s clients, the days pass on without Shizuo calling his girlfriend. Not having talked to her in what must’ve been a week by now, his mood just worsens. Torn between missing her and wanting to stay away from her for her own sake, his patience wears thin and a single misused word from anyone would have him throw punches.

“Call her,” Tom sighs after yet another fist fight between his friend and a customer. So far he had little complaints, since Shizuo would rarely truly go apeshit. Him showing hints of annoyance or frustration was often enough to scare non-paying clients in debt and make them return the money at once. But clearly, this is getting out of hand.

Flinching at the suggestion, Shizuo shakes his head. “What for? She’s better off without–”

“Don’t give me that ‘she deserves better’ crap. Whatever happened between you guys, you should talk about it. Take a day off and call her,” Tom sighs as he’s giving his friend a meaningful stare that allows for no backtalk. “Otherwise ,I’ll do it myself.” He pats Shizuo’s shoulder twice before raising it in order to wave him goodbye.

Shizuo keeps standing in place for a good minute until at least grabbing his phone. He can’t do more than stare at the screen, though, before he shoves it back into his pocket and gets home. The second the door closes behind him is the very same second his eyes catch the sight of her note still sitting on the same spot on the table.

“please call me when you feel better.”

A deep sigh escapes Shizuo’s lungs. He certainly doesn’t feel better at all. In fact, it keeps getting worse and definitely more difficult to ring her up. He drops onto his couch and tries to distract himself, but every few seconds his glance lands on the small piece of paper, which cruelly reminds him to man up.

“Screw it,” he finally thinks as he dials her number and presses the phone to his ear. Will she even pick up? It’s been roughly 10 days since they last spoke with each other. Maybe she’s settled with the situation and accepted it as a final breakup?

The sound of the ringing makes him anxious for just a second, as shortly after, he hears a familiar tune just outside his door. Lifting his head to the apartment entrance, Shizuo stands up and holds his phone a few centimeters away from his ear to listen for the source of the music. When it abruptly stops, he hears a softly spoken “H-hello?” coming from both his phone and from outside his front door. Instead of verbally answering, he steps to his apartment’s entrance and opens it.

“…Hi,” the blonde speaks somewhat awkwardly into his cell phone while looking her right into the eyes. She glances right back up at him, her phone still in her hands as well, neither of them hanging up the call.

“Tom told me you were home,” she explains, eyes still not leaving his and her phone still held to the side of her face. ‘You didn’t even give me a chance to call her back, Tom.’ Shizuo quietly thinks to himself, even though he feels sort of thankful for his friend’s help after all. A few seconds of silence fills the space between the two. “Can I come in?”

Shizuo steps aside and finally hangs up the call. She does the same while walking past him.

“I hope I’m not bothering you…,” she mumbles in an apologetic manner and Shizuo can’t stop looking at her. God, has he been missing her. “I-it’s just… Tom said you weren’t feeling too well.. and uh– I.. just came to check if everything’s alright and–”

Interrupting her excuses to visit him, Shizuo wraps his arms around her and within a moment walks her to the couch before settling on it, his head resting in the crook of her neck and taking in her scent and warmth. “I’m fine now that you’re here.”

A relieved sigh escapes her lips as she starts playing with his bleached locks. “I thought you might still be angry with me,” she mutters and when Shizuo glances up, he’s met with a frowning expression.

“I never was,” he replies and carefully places a gentle peck to her forehead. “I was angry at myself, you know? And you were right, I took that out on you and that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry,” he sighs and pulls her closer into his embrace. “I should’ve called you back immediately. I was just… scared. I don’t want to– you know. What if I end up hurting you?”

“Well, but you didn’t. You never did.”

The shine in her eyes is so innocent and hopeful that it reminds Shizuo how fragile she truly might be without even being aware of it. She feels like glass in his rough grasp, ready to shatter at any given point.

“Not yet, but–,” he tries to express his concerns, but his words are cut off by a small kiss to his lips.

“I know you won’t.”

[izzy-b-hands]

You Send Me: Chapter Five

Tag List: @xmxisxforxmaybe

A show that runs smoothly and wonderfully, sharing more about yourself and your past with Freddie, and a formal Welcome Wagon from Roger. Things are running smoothly, but there’s a bit of a stretch of travel coming up for the next chapter (10 hours, if I have my locations correct via the tour listing) and that’s a long car ride for anyone. How sane can you, the crew, and the band stay? Only time and reading the rest of the fic will tell.

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“You know what I get sick of?” Freddie asked as you locked the door of the hotel room, slipping the Do Not Disturb sign onto the outside door handle.

“Hotel rooms?” 

Freddie nodded, eyes shut as he flopped back onto the bed. “You know what else?” 

“Truck stops at three in the morning, in the cold?” 

He nodded again. “But you know what I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of?” 

“What’s that?” 

“Finally getting a few more moments alone with you,” he reached up, and yanked you down beside him onto the bed, laughing. 

“We’ve arguably had more time than we should have. If not for the problems in D.C...” 

“We’ll be coming back there, at the end of the tour,” Freddie interjected. “The fans who want a refund are getting one, the ones who still want a show no matter when have their tickets which will remain valid until we get there. Not a problem.” 

“I expected you’d be more upset,” you admitted. 

“Ah. You’ve heard tales from the crew,” Freddie said. “Some of them are true, some false, but all subject to what I imagine and in some cases, know, to be extreme exaggeration. But that’s valid of them, so long as they aren’t telling tabloids some bullshit.” 

“Yeah, they’ve told me some things,” you admitted. “But I just figured that it would upset me too, missing a show. Knowing there were fans upset, some of them maybe not willing to come to a make-up show.” 

“That is upsetting,” Freddie said. “But I don’t know. Maybe it’s you, hm? You keep me calmer than I might be otherwise.” 

“And you the same for me,” you said. 

“I can’t see you getting angry at anything,” Freddie chuckled. 

“I can,” you said as you sat up in the bed. “I just try not to be, very often. Not healthy to be angry too often, and I was angry a lot when I was younger.” 

“Why?” 

You knew he would ask, and you would have had to talk about home at some point anyway. But you regretted that it should be now, when you had only so much time before you’d be running again, to make it to the venue and give the fans the best show possible. 

“Lots of things. I was angry about the things I couldn’t figure out about myself, and how it made me feel. Angry that being different got me made fun of. Angry that even my family seemed to look on me oddly as a result. They still do, though I know they love me all the same.” 

Freddie sat up and rested his head on your shoulder. “Why should they look upon you oddly? You have a job you like, you travel, I imagine that’s got to be interesting for them to hear about.” 

“They’d rather I had a job that made more money,” you said. “I was living at home, before you hired me. Trying my best at the local venue to work my way up a ladder that didn’t even have upward rungs, because no big bands come there. I think they were just waiting for me to quit and take something soul-killing but decently paying, not for me to go on tour with a band.” 

“But you’re happy,” Freddie said. “Right?” 

“I am,” you replied. “This is wonderful, even if the crew aren’t fans of me, and if I’m not learning how all this works as fast as I’d like. I’m just happy to be out here. And incredibly happy as well, that it led me to you.” 

“Your family should want you happy,” Freddie scoffed. “How is that not their biggest concern?” 

You shrugged. This was part of the reason you didn’t often bring up your family with anyone. “They aren’t out and out mean, or anything. They just don’t understand, and it isn’t exactly what they wanted or expected for me, and neither is my job, and-” 

“But you have a job,” Freddie interrupted. “Isn’t that still something to celebrate? You could have no job.” 

“True. But there’s more than that. I mean, when I went to Europe to meet with the doctors and start treatment...they certainly didn’t expect that either, and I think it threw them all for a loop.” 

“So what if they didn’t ‘expect’ you to transition,” Freddie said with a flick of his wrist. “Fuck them, if it bothers them that much. As long as you’re happy and healthy, they shouldn’t have shit to say. Happiness can be hard work, and they don’t appreciate all the work you’ve put in to create that for yourself.” 

It was all true, but you hadn’t had anyone say it out loud to you until now, and it brought happy tears to your eyes. 

“Thank you,” you managed to choke out, and he wrapped you in a hug. 

“I didn’t mean for you to cry,” he fussed. 

“It’s happy tears,” you sobbed. “It’s a good thing.” 

“I believe you but you have to know how at odds it sounds considering how hard you’re crying,” Freddie said. 

“That’s a fair point,” you said, trying not to completely soak his shoulder in tears. “God, I’m going to look a mess by show time. But at least no one sees me backstage.” 

Freddie smiled softly, and pulled you back down with him onto the pillows before brushing tears from your eyes. “You could be out there if you wanted to.” 

“Stop it.” 

“I mean it! Not with us, maybe, if only because I think we’re already short on room with all of except Rog running about, but on your own? Why not?” Freddie asked. 

“I take it my friend told you everything they know about me, when they talked to you about where they met me, my transition, yes?” you asked back. “Because if he did, then he surely mentioned my piano playing is shit, my vocals just as bad, and my guitar-playing is non-existent. So if fans want to watch a man stand on stage and do nothing, then sure, I could be out there and have a show.” 

“I doubt any of that is as bad as you say,” Freddie replied. “Don’t talk about yourself like that, I don’t want to hear it. Maybe you got away with that back at home, but you’re in a new home now. With a new little dysfunctional family. And we jokingly shit talk each other, but never seriously about ourselves.” 

You could tell he meant it, with how tightly he held onto you, an arm wrapped around you like he meant to shield you from the world. It was nice, even if you knew there was no one and no way you could ever be protected like that. 

“Is that why you were so excited to come back to London with me?” Freddie asked quietly. “You never planned on going home at all, did you?” 

“I didn’t,” you replied. “I figured if I couldn’t make it to Europe, I would try and settle in whatever the last city on the tour was. With no way for my family to contact me...” 

“You’d be away from them and all their expectations and judgement,” Freddie finished. “Well, I’m glad you’re coming back to London with me instead. Far safer, for one, you’ll have me right nearby and a decent flat and of course you’ll retain our employment year-long.” 

“You don’t tour the entire year though,” you pointed out. 

“No, but we can always use an extra runner in the studio, or an extra person as buffer while out and about,” Freddie said. “Hell, I’ll give you every job title I can if it keeps you with us, because that’s where I want you. No other band gets a chance to steal my man.” 

You cuddled against him, absolutely beaming both at his affection and the term ‘my man.’ It felt so good to hear. 

“I’m not breaking in this time!” Roger’s voice came through the door. 

“And we aren’t nearly about to fuck this time!” Freddie called out to him. “I’ll let you in, just hang on.” 

He gave you a quick kiss before jogging to the door, shutting it again as Roger trotted in. 

“Nice to see you again, clothed,” Roger smiled as he stood near the bed. “Though I’d stop by on behalf of the rest of the band, because there were some rumblings among the crew and questions and-” 

“We’re a thing,” Freddie interrupted. “However they want to put it, I don’t really care. But they’re not to bother Y/N about it, as you can see he doesn’t let it get in the way of his work.” 

“Oh, I’m not here to stop it, just to confirm it,” Roger said. “Though Crystal said the crew was rather rude about it, and he offered his apologies on that, as do I and everyone else.” 

“What did they say?” Freddie asked, his voice cold and cutting. 

“It doesn’t matter,” you interjected. “Thank you, Roger. I figure it’s all just a part of things, with a bit extra since Freddie and I are...well. As we are. Crystal defended me, and that was really kind of him, I appreciate it greatly.” 

“What. Did. They. Say?” Freddie asked again.��

“It was just something about me preaching at them, because I agreed the situation in D.C. was frustrating for all of us, the fans included,” you said hastily. “And they mentioned they didn’t want to hear anything from me, the...well. It really doesn’t matter.” 

“I’m told the phrase ‘the bitch fucking the lead singer’ was used,” Roger said with a frown. “And that wasn’t right. I mean, so you two are fucking, but calling you a bitch was beyond unnecessary and wrong, as was getting on you for merely agreeing with everyone else. And bringing up the relationship at all, of course.” 

“We were trying to keep it quiet,” you said weakly. 

“I know, I know,” Roger said. “But that doesn’t really work, with us. We can tell when things are different with each other, and considering the last place anyone had seen you was with Freddie, and you never showed up in the van or anyone else’s room...I mean, that’s just 1+1 sort of a thing, you know?” 

You and Freddie nodded and shared a look. In truth, it hadn’t been much of ‘hiding’ so much as ‘hoping no one would notice anything despite not really hiding what was going on at all.’ 

“Anyway,” Roger continued. “Consider this a welcome to the family sort of a thing. Once for being new to the crew, and now for being with Fred. If the crew should keep getting on you, let us know. I’ve already had a word with them, but now that it’s not just an open secret, it’ll be easier to shut down any bullshit, alright?” 

You nodded, feeling somewhat bad that Roger had had to go out and play Bad Cop of sorts for you, but grateful that he was so willing to be protective. 

“Good,” Roger said. “I’ll leave you two to your last ah-” 

He peered at his watch. “Well shit. Twenty minutes, I guess. See you both in the lobby in a bit.” 

“How on earth does the time go so fast,” you muttered as Roger left, Freddie locking the door after he was gone. 

“I don’t know, but I do want to know why you didn’t tell me what they said,” Freddie said as he came back to sit beside you on the bed. 

“It was only a momentary bit of frustration and anger coming out from them at me,” you replied. “I didn’t figure it bore any mentioning, since Crystal had spoken up for me.” 

“That’s a fair point,” Freddie said. “But please, in the future, let me know if anything like that happens. I want to help address it, you understand? The job makes things like this hard enough, I won’t have my own crew making it harder, not when I’m this happy.” 

His last sentence hung on the air, as you could see in his eyes he maybe hadn’t meant to be quite that vulnerable about it. 

“I understand,” you said softly. “I didn’t mean to keep it from you, I swear.” 

“No, you weren’t,” Freddie said, taking your hand in his. “I don’t mean to come off harshly about it, I only want to ensure nothing stands in our way. Because nothing should, even though...” 

You both let the silence hang again, knowing the end of the sentence. Even though society itself would stand in the way, that even in London after the tour you would have to be careful, not to mention dealing with your families and any other friends outside of the tour. There were enough obstacles in existence. The two of you didn’t need any more. 

You dressed for the concert, still in the silence, stopping only to occasionally kiss or let your hands touch briefly. There wasn’t time for anything else, and you could do even less once you were at the venue. 

Though you couldn’t say you were unhappy to be there. It was electric, the atmosphere at their shows, even in the backstage. You hustled like you never had at the venue back home, running gear and strings and pedals and anything else the rest of the crew needed as you readied for the show, and even if they seemed gruff and irritated with you, it couldn’t shake how much fun you were having. 

Because even from the wings, it was magical watching them. Freddie had the crowd in his hand from the moment he stepped out, and it was a joy to hear the fans scream for him, for Bri, for Rog, for John. A level of adoration that you could only imagine, and how it might make the boys feel. 

About mid-way through the show, Crystal called for you. 

“Here,” he handed you a champagne flute, filled near to the brim. “Freddie will start talking in a moment, to transition over to the acoustic bit. He’s nearly out of water and everything else; we’re getting more water and a beer, but you can take this out to him.” 

“When?” you asked.

Crystal peeked out onto the stage and swore. “Now!” 

He all but pushed you out onto the stage towards Freddie, who raised a brow as you approached. 

“A surprise! The newest member of our road crew, very hard-working, absolutely gorgeous, as you can clearly see,” Freddie said to the crowd, holding his hand out to take the flute from you. “And he’s brought me champagne! How lucky am I?” 

The crowd cheered at his words, then even louder as he quickly kissed you. “He brought me champagne, he deserved a reward! I’d say that was a fitting one, wouldn’t you?” 

You prayed the crowd couldn’t see exactly how red you were blushing, and smiled at him as you jogged backstage. 

“Least he didn’t comment on the size of your cock,” one of the techs said as he watched you stumble back around the pulled-aside curtain. “That’s what I got, first time I ran a drink out to him.” 

“Ooh, or the time he talked about my ass,” another spoke up. “Though I must say, it was a really nice compliment. I’ve never thought my ass was anything to write home about, but to hear him say something nice about it...well, it was kind, even if I maybe don’t love that an entire crowd also heard it.” 

You grinned, and tried to find your tongue.

“Don’t sweat it,” Crystal laughed. “Besides, I don’t think you minded that all that much, did you? Even with the crowd watching.” 

They made a few more jokes about voyeurism as you walked back to your last station, assisting Brian’s guitar techs, and even though those made you blush even harder, you were absolutely glowing. 

He liked you enough to risk that, to kiss you like that in front of a crowd. That wasn’t something to be done lightly, and you would have to think of a way to show him just how much it meant to you, just how much you loved him for it. 

However, there wasn’t time to show him after the show. After much fussing about with the map, it was realized that you’d have to be rushing again to make it to Detroit on time. ‘Dead on Time’ had suddenly gone from song to reality, and there was no time to slow down. 

[prune-life]

Lily and Daffodil

Ship: Shinsou X Kaminari

Warnings: uhh prolly just cursing and a bit of fluffiness (but not alot)

A/N: It's 2:33 and I just finished this so I'm sorry for any grammatical errors :'). I know it's not that (you'll see what I mean) time yet, but I hope you enjoy nevertheless

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Dying flowers were many of the painful things that Shinsou looked at, and recently they became more and more frequent. Honestly, even after two years of learning about smaller types of herbalism and plants, he didn’t know what to do.

His window sills were decorated with sigils of pots filled with the soil that brought him a peace of mind, the earthly smell waking him up everyday with early scents that sent his mind into a frenzy, releasing endorphins like never before and, to be honest, he could say at this point the waft alone was a drug to him all-in-one, intruding it’s way into his nostrils without a care in the world while his cat brashly scratched at the pots and – more than once – tried and successfully knocked them over, which then ended in two ways.

One was a mess on the floor, usually looking like someone had stepped in with mud whipped boots after being out in the rain and aimlessly standing in a puddle while waiting for a miracle to happen, getting cold feet and trying to find their way out of a tongue twister like an utter fool, while the other reason was pretty much simple; falling over the balcony brim and staining the hanging, usually white clothing of his neighbour, Katsuki Bakugou, who mostly directed sentences not appropriate for the children living below him, and his own roommate which was a green haired, freckle nosed attentive named Izuku Midoriya, the one that usually took care of the person below who, in return to the good old one-two his cat gave to the bombarded bastard’s clothing, reverberated shouting and snarly comments on and on about how he was going to murder his precious pet and choke it to death, or shove the dirt of his plastic pot down his throat and grow plants in there himself.

If Shinsou didn’t know better than to immediately judge people, he’d assume more than once that Bakugou's hobby was mass murder and the achievement of threatening people in ways that shook them to their very core was to leave them sobbing in a dark corner and think about the day they crossed him. Not Shinsou. He, simply and easily, didn’t care. The only time he did was when his cat was almost stepped and rolled over by the ash blond – now that was the very end of his patience, and he decided to move them inside.

However, when it came to his plants meeting their demises without him being able to click on a tool of the search bar in the application called Internet, and his mind went blank the moment he tried to find the words, he knew, he was pretty much fucked, and beyond that, he couldn’t get out of his room when he found out that the owner at the flower shop he worked at, Aizawa Shota had to take vacation because his daughter, Eri, got chicken pox for the first time, sure, he knew how it felt, since he shared his own phase of annoying little red dots, so he understood, but what really, really, shook him up was the fact that he had to run the shop by himself now. Him, a seventeen year old student on his way to starting summer break, taking care of a flower shop, all alone?

Sure, the honour was there, but, why?

Why?

“Why..?” he stared at the flowers that laid limp in his hands, the pot at it’s peak of breaking from the roots, getting it’s fair pay of getting bumped and falling over because costumers weren’t 'watching their step'.

He sighed and curled his index finger under the falling flower, setting it aside as the doorbell above the glass door rang a sweet, high pitched melody.

The glass of his greenhouse standing tall and proud, sun smiling down at all the other healthy flowers made him blink twice, eyes adjusting to the light quickly to be present for the costumer, while in the meantime, he ran his hands on the pastel, coffee brown apron on his body and pulled down his white button up shirt.

“Welcome,” he sent a lazy smile up at the beaming man with light orange hair, a black stripe visible on the side of his head, messily running down a sideways undercut he styled his hair into.

His grin shined pearly white as he waved at the man and looked around silently, his gaze running over all the other flowers that were erect pridefully in their beauty from around the room, arduous honey-like smell injecting his nostrils and brain like gasoline. It was almost sickeningly sweet for a newcomer, and by the way his face scrunched at the horrendous sweetness, he was most definitely a stranger – or, maybe just the fact Shinsou never saw him before – a smile like that doesn’t just pass by and his clothing style was also rather amusing to the eye. Comfortable, per se, he rocked a simple white shirt and black pants with a yellow jacket that tightly closed itself around his narrow hips, and Shinsou eyed him head to toe, intrinsically curious about the casual, but new fellow.

“Hey man,” he spoke amiably, “I’m looking for uh... Lily and Daffodil?”

Shinsou squinted his eyes, before a snort came out from between his lips, and he had to put his black gloved hand up to them to keep himself from chuckling at the youngster.

“Lilies and daffodils, got it,” he cleared his throat, a lopsided smile taking over his lips, “do you want them individually or in a bouquet?” he asked, stepping away from the counter and hiding the shattering pot under it, rounding and guiding himself towards hourglass vases plopped upon a collection of side view shelves from where he usually stood, flowers with neatly cut stems stuck in yesterday’s water, all waiting to be bought and given, if for oneself or for other.

“Uh..” the lost man tucked his hand into the low pocket of his jacket and pulled out a piece of paper, staring at it intensely, “Do you have hand tieds?” he questioned, reaching out his arm to hand the paper over to Shinsou, who took it and the gloriously sunny man stared back at the florist, who raised his eyebrows slightly and nodded intently, following along the vases until he came to a draft of three mahogany matched platforms and mixes of flowers, each organized along eachother, the spaces between them almost perfect.

He was aware of his boss's precision, but it sometimes drove him crazy when he got death glares for even slightly nudging a flower pot in it’s place if the others wanted something to buy. Otherwise, he’d say the job was a whole lot more relaxing than he thought it would, and his boss was more of a mentor upon nature rather than a prejudicial, pigheaded asshole.

“Uh-huh,” he hummed and picked the tied bouquet, carefully taking it towards the counter while eyeing the still pulchritudinous plants grown by non other than himself. He was a fan of herbs, but flowers were something that held a soft spot in his heart.

He set them down on the counter gently, content with the idea that they’d finally go out to see the rest of the world, even if temporarily and only as far as a few blocks from his greenhouse.

“Ten daffodils and five lilies, that’ll be four thousand ninety five yen,” he slipped the flowers into a paper wrap to secure they wouldn’t fall out, the crackling of paper as he genuinely tried to create none but an unwrinkled piece showing within the smooth surface of the sheet, as it ringed the flowers like a shell for protection and he waited as the man before him fumbled with the zip of his wallet and handed him a five thousand yen note.

He exchanged the currency that was left to go and handed him both the flower and the coins, watching the man’s eyes twinkle with joy as he cradled the flowery stems in his hands like a newborn baby.

Shinsou smiled, enjoying the view and the sudden affection the man showed towards the piece warmed his heart and made the tips of his pierced ears tint a glowy pink, internally simmering with pride.

“Thank you,” he grinned form ear to ear, turning around and stammering his way towards the door, sparing Shinsou one last glance, and an attempted wink.

The indigo haired insomniac stood and watched as he began to disappear behind transparent crystal walls, looking down at the paper that remained in his hand, a digit of numbers pessimistically written downhill on the paper with a small heart at the corner of it, and he couldn’t help letting out an amused hum, slipping the sheet into the back pocket of his black jeans.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed in his side pocket and he quickly yanked it out - a new notification popped up at the very top of his other messages and alarms - whilst a deep, growly chuckle from further amazement erupted from his chest.

|Calendar 12:00 |

|JUNE 1st Pride month|

|Midoriya Izuk... 10:38|

|Boss: what's a be.. 4:56|

|Neighbour: Why is your fucking cat meowing on my balc.. 6:16|

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Thank you for reading <3

[littlemomountain]

TianShan, At the Gym

Where He Tian works at a local gym, and wants to be a special someone’s personal trainer. The characters are older than in the original story by Old Xian.

———————————————

He Tian worked at the local gym located not five minutes away from his apartment complex. He worked part-time as a personal fitness instructor in an effort to keep himself from growing bored; he knew full well he didn’t have to work a day in his life.

At the gym he had his regulars, the ones that requested to get their six-packs asap, to bulk up their body weight with most of the weight being muscle, but very few of them could keep up with the rigorous work-outs set up by him. That wasn’t his problem. “If you’re asking to get that type of body in a short period of time, you’re going to have to work for it,” he would state matter-of-factly. He was right, of course, but the members didn’t want to be told this, and many would refuse to come back altogether, feeling slighted by his blatant disregard for their inability to match his discipline.

That particular evening was not very crowded at all. It wasn’t a weekend, for one thing, and the weather was rather nasty: a frigid -10 degrees Celsius. So there he was, checking to make sure the machines were wiped down, that the dumbbells weren’t scattered in disarray, and that the few people that were there, five in total, were using the machines properly.

“Your shift is just about over, isn’t it? You can leave the rest to me.” He Tian turned around to see Zhan Zheng Xi speaking to him. Zhan Zheng Xi also worked there, and unlike He Tian, he was much more lenient when it came to creating workout routines. For that reason, he had a lot more clients. Zhan Zheng Xi ran his hand through his dark blond hair, and sighed.

“What’s eating you?” He Tian asked. It was rare to see Xi looking so nervous, the guy was always so level-headed.

“It’s nothing. Just a friend is stopping by. Says I’ve been too busy for him lately. He’s upset.” Zhan Zheng Xi stared at the door as he said this, watching for this person to come to him.

He Tian rolled his eyes. “Ah yes, you’re “friend.” You mean Jian Yi, don’t you? But wasn’t he here yesterday, and the day before?” He Tian was now leaning his body against the counter, and searched the streets for said person. This was another reason he chose to work here: He Tian got along well with both of them, and considered them his friends, of which he had few to speak of. Sure, he was surrounded by a plethora of fangirls at school, and even some guys who wanted to be seen with him, but these two were genuine, and that was not easy to come by.

“Yeah, but I’m working, so it’s hard to talk to him. Today though, he doesn’t expect many people to show.” Zhan Zheng Xi’s eyes perked up as he saw the familiar fair figure approaching the gym, bundled up in a gray parka with the hoodie lined in a faux fur trim over his head, speed walking to escape the cold. But he wasn’t alone. He seemed to be dragging someone along with him, who looked to be underdressed for the cold weather in his flimsy, mustard-colored jacket. The man wore a black-knit cap and had a permanent scowl on his face. His face was as red as a tomato.

“Who is that?” He Tian asked excitedly, leaning forward with his forearms now resting on the counter and craning his head as he tried to get a better view.

“Jian Yi texted me earlier, saying he made a new friend today.” As he told He Tian this, he began to walk towards the door to open it for them. “He’s being way too friendly,” Zhan Zheng Xi muttered under his breath.

“Zhan Zheng Xi~~ It’s so cold, I thought I was going to die!!!” Jian Yi nearly tackled the poor Xi, who stumbled a few steps back as he caught Yi in his embrace. Jian Yi didn’t consider the fact that Zhan Zheng Xi was only wearing a t-shirt at this point, so Zhan Zheng Xi was immediately chilled to the touch. Some people in the gym snickered at this interaction, but otherwise resumed their workout.

“That’s why I didn’t want you to come today,” Zhan Zheng Xi replied. When he saw Jian Yi’s hurt expression however, he quickly added, “You could have gotten sick.”

That did the trick. “Aww, you care so much about me!” Jian Yi hugged him again, and then remembered his new friend. “Oh yeah! Zhan Zheng Xi, meet Mo Guan Shan. He saved me today! I forgot my wallet at home today and I couldn’t pay for a snack at that old lady’s shop, you know, the one by the college? He works there and let me take it and he told me I can pay it back next time!”

“It’s not a big deal,” the young man replied. “I’m leaving. I don’t know why I let myself be dragged along by you. It’s too fucking cold. I’m not in the mood to work out.” As he said this, he made as if to leave, but He Tian’s voice rung clear behind him.

“Are you afraid to build up a sweat? You’re here now, so you might as well make the most of it, don’t you think?” He Tian came forward and stopped in front of Mo Guan Shan, leaning in close to him, who blushed and took a step back. “Too fucking close,” Mo muttered. His red hair, his glowing gaze, his cute frowning face, He Tian liked everything about him already.

“But He Tian, you’re shift is almost fin— ugh!” Before he could finish this statement, Zhan Zheng Xi was elbowed by He Tian in the stomach, who continued to smile down at Mo Guan Shan with his best customer-service smile. Jian Yi caught on more quickly, and led Zhan Zheng Xi away to leave the pair alone. “Zhan Zheng Xi, why don’t you train me for once?” He whined as he linked their arms together and walked them towards the farthest set of machines possible, leaving the pair alone.

“So, where were we?” He Tian started.

“I was in the middle of leaving,” Mo Guan Shan replied coolly, placing his hands inside his jacket and getting ready to brave the cold.

“Until I convinced you to stay,” came He Tian’s response. Mo turned to look at him with a scowl, and before he could reply, He Tian was raising his hands above his head in a mock gesture of surrender to Mo’s bad temper. “Come on, you won’t regret it. I’ll even give you a training session for free. And I don’t think you really want to head out that badly, do you?”

He Tian could feel Mo’s hesitation, saw the small breath of uncertainty that caught at his throat, the deep frown that settled as he contemplated his words, and took advantage of Mo’s indecision. “Here, let me take you to the locker room so you can put your coat away.” He Tian walked ahead without looking behind him but smiled to himself as he could feel the young man trailing behind. Once they were in front of the lockers, He Tian allowed Mo Guan Shan to pick one of many red lockers lining the wall and watched as Mo selected the farthest one, took off his cap and shrugged out of his jacket, revealing the sleeveless white undershirt that fit tightly to his attractive, muscled frame. The material was almost translucent and when Mo turned to look at him, He Tian could see Mo’s perked nipples underneath. It took everything he had to keep his eyes above Mo’s chest, meeting the quizzical ones that gazed up at him. “Shouldn’t we get going?”

He Tian nodded. “Here,” He Tian gave him a small key that would be used to open the locker when they were finished. Mo Guan Shan reached out, his fingers still cold as He Tian felt his touch, and pocketed it in his grey sweatpants. He Tian thought how lucky it was that Mo Guan Shan had worn sweatpants and sneakers on this day, appropriate for the occasion. “Follow me,” he said as he led him back to the workout hall.

He Tian scanned the room and saw even less people than before; only two others were left aside from Zhan Zheng Xi and Jian Yi. It seemed that Jian Yi was struggling with the weight on the bench press, but Xi was taking good care of him and was over him and ready to grab the weight if it came to be too much for him. He Tian smirked, and directed Mo Guan Shan towards the treadmills. Mo Guan Shan immediately protested.

“I want to lift some weights,” he said.

“We’ll get there, but we need to warm you up first,” He Tian replied. “Let’s start you off with a five-minute cardio session to get your blood pumping, and then move on to some light stretching.” He Tian smiled at him. “I know it sounds tedious, but trust me. Your body will thank me for it later.” Mo Guan Shan couldn’t help but think there was an ulterior meaning behind his words, but followed along as He Tian pushed the level up on the treadmill he was led to until Mo was at a light jog. He Tian looked on appreciatively and thought to himself that Mo had good form. Usually he would have to correct his clients on their posture but Mo was firm, and his jog was lithe and smooth, keeping his breathing even while trying to avoid He Tian’s stare.

After the five minutes had elapsed, Mo got off the treadmill and was sweating mildly, his cheeks a nice, healthy flush of pink. He Tian thought how nice his complexion looked, and how he would love to see more of it in a more intimate setting with just the two of them. In his bed, most preferably, with his flushing face being caused by something He Tian did to him. He Tian could already imagine running his fingers down Mo Guan Shan’s bare chest and eliciting a sharp cry once his hand cupped his sex. His thoughts were getting to be too dangerous, and he had to snap out of it to face the man before him.

“I’m ready now,” Mo Guan Shan said.

“Almost,” He Tian replied. He Tian walked up to Mo and got behind him, placing his hands on Mo’s shoulders, who bristled at the contact. He Tian clicked his tongue. “Your muscles are quite tense here. I need you to keep your back straight and have you lift your shoulders and then roll them forwards, and then backwards. Do this until you feel the tension ease up a bit.” Albeit reluctantly, Mo complied, and while he didn’t want to admit it, these motions did seem to help loosen up his body. He Tian looked on approvingly. “Good, that will do for now. Next, let’s follow it up with a trapezius stretch.” He Tian lightly took a hold of Mo’s arm and brought it behind his back. “With your other hand, grab the arm I have behind your back and pull gently. Hold this position for about 15 seconds and,” He Tian let go of Mo’s arm and gently rested his hand on Mo’s hair, tilting his head to the side, “tilt your ear towards the direction your arm is being pulled. You will repeat this motion again with your other arm once you are finished.” Mo felt strange being handled by He Tian, but now his neck muscles were loosening up along with his shoulders and he couldn’t complain. A sigh escaped his lips.

“Does it feel that good?” He Tian whispered into his ear, and Mo Guan Shan blushed.

“You jerk, don’t stand so close!” Mo’s ears were red, and He Tian thought how fun it was to tease him.

“Did I startle you, Little Mo?” The nickname came easily to He Tian’s lips, and he liked the sound of it. “After you’ve completed some cross-body arm stretches and quad stretches, we can then start with the workout.”

Once he was finished with those stretches, He Tian led Mo Guan Shan to the area with the weights and machines, and saw Mo’s eyes light up. “How cute,” He Tian thought. On the way, He Tian picked up his water bottle from the counter in the center of the gym, and Mo, seeing this, said, “I’m thirsty. Are there any more water bottles?”

He Tian smiled internally with the little devil horns appearing on his head, and he said, “You can have mine.”

“I don’t want yours. You’ve already pressed your lips to it,” Mo responded, annoyed.

“Do you see it as an indirect kiss?” He Tian mused. “Aren’t we a little too old for that? Have a taste, Little Mo. It’s nice and cold.” As he said this, He Tian removed the cap and took a slow sip from the water, watching him as he did so. Then he offered it to Mo. In reality, he was not expecting Mo to take it; he was playing around and He Tian knew that they did have a fridge full of water bottles, which he was eventually going to offer to Mo. So he was surprised to have Mo tentatively bring his hand up and take the bottle from He Tian, who almost let it slip from his own fingers, and stared wide-eyed as Mo Guan Shan brought the bottle to his lips and began to drink from it. He Tian stared at Mo as he finished drinking, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, his lips now wet and, He Tian thought, enticing. He licked his lips.

“Where do we start?” Mo asked.

“Let’s begin with some push-ups to get you started off strong. I want you to place your feet on this small bench to get them in an elevated position. Now get yourself down in a plank position, keeping your head and back straight as you come down for each push-up. You will do three sets of 20 push-ups. Also,” He Tian came over with a weight and placed it on Mo’s back, “this will add some spice to your workout.”

Mo Guan Shan felt the weight at his back and adjusted his position. “This guy’s not playing around,” he thought. Mo completed the first set smoothly, gave himself a forty-five second pause before beginning the second set when he started to feel the burn in his arms and core. The third set took more of a push, but reaching the end of it, He Tian was satisfied.

“Wow, you’re so strong~” He took the weight off of Mo’s back and rustled his hair playfully. Mo knocked his hand out of the way and asked, “What’s next?”

“After a push comes the pull. You’re doing pull-ups next.” He Tian directed Mo towards the pull-up bar. “You’ll do fifteen sets of five.” Mo began to reach up to the handles when he felt He Tian wrap his arms around his waist. “What the hell are you doing?!” Mo blushed and squirmed against his hold but He Tian didn’t budge.

“We’re adding a weight lifting belt. Don’t think I’ll go easy on you.” He Tian leaned his chin against the crook of Mo’s neck, pressing his chest against Mo’s back as he wrapped the belt around his waist, tightening the straps. “Ugh,” escaped Mo’s lips.

“Is that too tight for you, Little Mo?” He Tian loosened it slightly. “Sorry, your waist is small compared to my usual clients. How about this, is that better?” He Tian’s hands lingered at Mo’s waist, his breath tickling Mo’s ear.

“Better.” Mo didn’t like the warm feeling rising in his chest, so he stepped away from He Tian abruptly and reached out to the handles once more.

“Keep your legs straight, we’re going for the tactical style pull-up. Your lower back will appreciate it,” He Tian said as he watched Mo’s form. Mo complied, and felt his core was feeling it more in this position than the usual way of doing it. His arms were burning, but having eyes on him pushed him to complete the sets. He Tian admired the way Mo’s muscles moved nimbly, the way his shirt clung to his taut body, the way his fiery gaze pierced ahead of him in intense concentration as he focused on completing the sets. He Tian could only think how he wanted to tame him and make Mo Guan Shan’s body surrender to his own. He wondered if Mo could see the effect he was having on him.

“I’m done,” Mo Guan Shan said. He let go of the handle and tried to remove the belt from his waist but his fingers were fumbling on the straps.

“Let me.” He Tian bent his head down, their foreheads nearly touching, and his fingers undid the straps with ease. Mo Guan Shan didn’t meet his gaze. “What now?” Mo asked.

“The bench press. I told you, I won’t go easy on you.” He Tian brought him toward the bench and wiped it down. He Tian then brought a bench press weight of 215 pounds and set it on the rack. “You can lie down now, Little Mo.” Mo Guan Shan did so, firmly planting his feet on the ground. Mo tried to ignore the fact that He Tian’s crotch was level with his face, and prepared himself to grab the weight. “Widen your grip a little more, Little Mo.” He Tian’s fingers came over Mo’s and brought his hands the right width apart. “Good. As you remove the weight from the bar, keep your arms straight and then lower it down to your mid-chest. We’re aiming for four sets of eight reps. I’ll be here if it gets to be too much.” As Mo brought the weight down, He Tian stayed by him and watched as he worked on each set. At times he would bring his hands over Mo’s to grip the weight as he felt Mo was losing his grip or the weight was remaining too long near his chest. “Don’t push yourself,” He Tian said.

Once he was finished, He Tian helped Mo get the weight back on the rack and watched as Mo Guan Shan laid on the bench, breathing heavily, sweat tricking down his forehead. He Tian stepped away and came back with a clean towel, crouching down next to Mo and wordlessly pressing the towel to his forehead, gently pressing at the skin. Mo Guan Shan looked up at him, his lips parted and his eyes hooded. He was too tired to protest. Mo was about to sit up but He Tian gently pushed him down. “Don’t rush. Rest a couple of more minutes and then drink some water. We’re almost done.”

“Hey, He Tian.” He Tian turned to look up at Zheng Xi, who was bundled up with his coat and with Jian Yi at his side, their arms linked together. “It’s almost closing time.”

He Tian surveyed the gym hall and found the four of them were the only ones left. “I’ll take care of it. Leave me the keys and I’ll close down properly when I leave.” Zheng Xi nodded and flung him the keys, which He Tian caught easily.

“We’re leaving then,” Xi said, giving a short nod to both of them.

“I knew you’d like it, Shan! Did you have a good time?” Jian Yi chimed in, but was being dragged away by Xi before he could get a reply. “See you two next time!” He yelled out from the door. Now they were alone.

Mo Guan Shan broke the silence first. He came to a sitting position and He Tian looked at him. “I should leave now,” he said. Mo looked outside and saw that it was getting dark.

“Hn. I still had more things I wanted to do with you...” He Tian ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “Will you come back to me?” He Tian needed him to say yes.

“I don’t know,” Mo Guan Shan responded honestly. The workout did him good, but he was scared about developing any attachments to He Tian. The thought of that scared him more than he wanted to admit.

“Come back to me,” He Tian stated firmly. He rested his hand over Mo’s, and his coal eyes probed searchingly into red ones. “Only to me.”

“I—“ Mo started.

“Please,” He Tian breathed.

Mo Guan Shan looked down at their hands, at the green veins that lined He Tian’s, his hands bigger than his own, and saw him tightening his grip. “Why am I not pulling away?” Mo thought. “Why am I still here?”

As if a distant person were speaking, Mo heard himself say, “Okay.” And then he felt a pull at his hand, and then he was being embraced, feeling something warm on his lips, on his cheek, on his neck. It took him a minute to realize he was being kissed, and he was about to say something, putting his hand at He Tian’s chest to push him away, but his lips were captured by He Tian’s, warm and moist and tasting of peppermint, and he brought his hand to Mo’s neck and kept him there, pulling him in, feeling as the struggle became less pronounced, a moan beginning to build up behind Mo’s parted lips. They were both breathing hard when they came apart, and Mo’s cheeks were flushed, his mouth slick, with He Tian wanting to fuck him right here, damn it if he cared what people saw, that he was still at work, that people could see them from the glass windows. He wanted to push Mo Guan Shan back down on the bench press and trap him under his weight, to grind down on him and watch Mo squirm underneath him, but it was too soon. He Tian knew Mo Guan Shan wasn’t ready to accept him yet, but he would wait for him until he was.

“Fuck, what was that for?” Mo finally managed to say, his face still very much red.

“It was my thank you. I couldn’t control myself,” He Tian said, smiling his wicked, playful smile. “Now go grab your coat. I’ll wait for you outside.”

“You don’t have to wait, I know my way out,” Mo replied stubbornly as he made his way to the locker room.

“I have no choice. I have to lock up, remember?” He Tian called out to Mo, who showed him the middle finger. He Tian chuckled.

“Anyway,” He Tian thought to himself. “I have to wait for you. Because tonight,” he smiled, “you’re coming over to my place.”

-littlemomountain

[adamworu]

Evangelion characters, in the middle of dying (or situations where death seems inevitable), probably show me the best glimpse of who they are. From what I can understand, Shinji has somewhat nearly enough self-preservation to not want it to happen. Asuka just strikes me as someone who outright REFUSES (and I like that). Rei, before gaining her own sense of self, seemed to be somewhat indifferent to it, but under the circumstances where Gendo was manipulating her. Kaworu, as much as he hates (1)

It, seems to accept death as he himself states that it’s the only freedom for him. Mari doesn’t strike me as someone who’d actively what to die. With all these in mind, I think Maeko is in Rei’s category of not (externally) showing that she cared if she died. Because, other than death being the only freedom she has (as Kaworu stated before), she genuinely believes herself to be bad. It doesn’t even need Gendo to reinstate it. (2) She just… accepts the fact that society and everyone IN that society perceives her to be a monster and she thinks they’re right. And because they are right, she believes that dying is only fair to them. Now, as much of a fan as I am of dark themes, I think I understand why me writing her die repeatedly was egregious. Maeko isn’t the only teenager in Evangelion to have been manipulated and/or traumatized, but I think… this is one of the things that makes her character so unnerving (3) I think I unpacked it all. Any thoughts, Adam? 

Under a readmore to not clog dashes again :)

Shinji faces death a few times in the series, once in EoE’s beginning (contemplating suicide), as well as when one of the JSSDF men attempted to kill him. He didn’t struggle as he felt the barrel of his gun on his head nor did he pay the man any mind. Shinji does realize at the tail end of EoE that he doesn’t actually want to die. Rei tells him the world of Instrumentality, a world of ambiguity, a world where death of physicality is achieved is the one he wished for. Problem  is, he realizes that he doesn’t desire death due to a lack of being validated by others. Because those others cannot truly exist in that wished world, he cannot exist. Others perceive you and you perceive you. One without the other=it being argued that you don’t exist. With Shinji’s multiple near-death experiences, it doesn’t mean that he’s resigned to it, but rather he seeks escapism instead, healthy or not.

Asuka, just like Shinji, was in a low point of her life, but ultimately valued it that she didn’t want her death realized (when being attacked by JSSDF while underwater). When she finally comes to after realizing her mother actually protected her and finally understood the meaning of the AT Field, she dispatches of aerial JSSDF before MPES are deployed. A glaring problem arises, however, that her umbilical cable becomes severed by the former, meaning that unfortunately her time would be severely limited in beating the MPEs (and on that basis, she’s lost the battle). Despite that basis, she fights with everything she has, in this life or death situation. while she attempts to do away with the 9 MPEs .“Flow of Emptiness” plays a little before she’s lanced in the eye, foreshadowing this overbearing feeling of fighting a losing battle. Even after the MPES mutilate her Eva (and by extension, her, moreso because of her high sync rate), she swears she’ll kill every one of them even while incapacitated. Asuka, as a character is stubborn to the very end and as we see her stubbornness as this blatant double edged sword. 

Rei responds to death via open resignation, because she’s treated as a vessel among vessels, that her death holds little value on that basis. Hell, there’s even spare Reis deep within NERV (which she’s subtly aware of in episode 14!). “If I die, I can be replaced.” is something she holds true to because of that. I’ve already talked more  here about Rei’s identity and how it leads to her attitudes 

here. (Same with Kaworu!)

I’m not sure what Mari’s deal with her preservation is. I’d like to think that with her trying to help stop Impacts in 2.0-3.0 and FINAL’s 10 minute preview, she wishes to protect humanity at least. 

Maeko wouldn’t want death, and just like Asuka would remain stubborn to the very end, I’m sure. Imagine her cursing off her opponent through clenched teeth while she’s down. She’d fight til the very last possible second,  because it means she’d get closer to get back at Gendo for all the harm he’s done, personally and otherwise. 

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[drferox]

How do you feel about the way Greencross is seemingly trying to build a monopoly of vet practices in Australia? Concerning, or not as alarming as people think it is?

Mate, I have many potent, insider opinions about GreenX and the rise of corporate medicine. I have been considering writing on this topic for a while, but now seems as good a time as any.

But first, full disclosure of where I stand within the veterinary industry. I am an associate veterinarian, which means I work in a practice but don’t own it, and I work two jobs. My full time job is in private practice owned by a single vet who actually works there. My casual job is at an emergency center, owned by GreenX. I have also done relief work at a GreenX clinic.

And frankly, the more I work for GreenX, the more it makes me cheer on worker-owned co-ops.

GreenX is just one of the multi-practice corporate vet chains which are popping up not just in Australia, but overseas. GreenX is just the largest and is actually on the stock exchange. You can buy shares in GreenX. That means GreenX is accountable to its shareholders and expected to make a healthy profit.

GreenX owns large numbers of vet practices across Australia, but also owns all the Animal Emergency Centers, all the Petbarn brand pet stores, an external veterinary diagnostic laboratory, at least one crematorium, a number of specialist hospitals and runs the admin side for at least one university teaching hospital.

It also currently operates a ‘Healthy Pets Plus’ program, where for just $450 a year you can get free consults, and is working on bringing out its own pet insurance line.

How are you feeling about this? A little uneasy?

I have concerns about a monopoly, because in my neck of the woods GreenX owns the 4 closest 24 hour emergency vet clinics, in addition to all the others around the city, so I don’t really have much of a choice where to send my patients. They also own quite a lot of the general practices in my local region, so that’s hard to compete with.

For a few years there, they also sent a letter to my boss every year offering to buy his practice. Just a form letter, which I assume they sent out to lots of practices in a similar way.

They pay for all their vet employees to be Australian Veterinary Association members, which grants us all a voice and vote in relevant matters, but not to receive the Australian Veterinary Journal. I don’t know whether GreenX gets corporate discounts for signing up so many members. This makes me uneasy because Banfield in the USA, which is owned by Mars, financially rewards its employees for taking up leadership positions with the various representative organizations over there. Which means if it ever comes up, corporation is paying for a lot of people to be there if an important vote ever comes up…

I mean, I’m not a conspiracy nut, but I’m not exactly happy.

But that is the corporation side, the people on the ground are not the corporation. They are by and large decent vets and nurses hamstrung by the corporate rules they’re obliged to follow. For some this works out fine, particularly in their early years. They have a structured training plan and can see where to advance in the corporation. It provides a willing buyer for a practice owner who might otherwise have been unable to receive the price they were seeking (another issue for another day). It has removed some of the management stress from vets in many clinics and dispersed it, allowing a pool of locums to be drawn from to fill in absences.

Doing so has added a lot of middle management and a lot of red tape. They are frequently recruiting at industry events, and promoting their chain at events like the Dog Lovers Show.

Working on the ground as one of their casual emergency vets I am profoundly dissatisfied. Considering we are supposed to be a top of the line intensive care clinic some of my complaints and concerns have included:

The introduction of Healthy Pets Plus robbing the clinic of its emergency consult fee ($165) and crediting only $10 to our ‘income’ for that month.

Then having the gall to turn around and say that because we are not making as much money this quarter as we used to, our budget is reduced.

Not offering staff a worthwhile wage to do night shift, so unable to retain them very long.

Not paying emergency nurses anything above the award wage (minimum wage for the industry), even if they have been employed at that practice multiple years.

Nowhere to advance unless you pursue a position in management.

Not granting even a cost of living pay rise (in line with inflation) despite meeting expected profit targets for three years.

Telling employees they are not allowed to discuss their wages with each other, which I’m pretty damn sure is illegal and is definitely shady.

Not paying superannuation properly.

Not paying vets and nurses in management positions their backpay in a timely manner.

Making it ridiculously difficult to access your payslips to see if you were paid properly.

Needing to get approval months in advance to order extra stock for busy times of year

Watching the sheer stress of being a manager at these clinics wear good people down to the bone or brink of madness.

Once GreenX has bought into a practice, it’s nearly impossible to get rid of them.

Acquiring a practice and promising ‘nothing will change’, that all the things we like will stay the same. Only to change those things, slowly, over the following 3-5 years to match the other clinics in the chain.

Mandatory tea break.

I have also listened to management-types of GreenX make arguments for having unpaid internships in general practice for newly graduated veterinarians, for 12 weeks.

And just about lost my banana over it.

Unpaid. For Twelve weeks. Straight after graduation where they’ve qualified as veterinarians.

Oh hell no.

Interns typically get paid less anyway, and a new grad vet wage isn’t all that much. But they wanted to pay nothing for the first 3 months.

Why? Because new graduate vets are not profitable at the start, they typically cost the practice money as they get themselves established. Everyone knows this, it’s part of the deal when you take on a new grad.

Having to work 3 months straight out of uni for zero pay is insane, it’s almost murderous, and it’s simply evil. This plan was ripe for abuse.

It was also vocally shouted down at the PANPAC conference where it was suggested, thankfully, but these are non-vet, corporate types of people trying to run a series of vet practices for profit.

I just want to be the friendly neighborhood vet on the corner, you know? Just local, quality service where I can get to know the pets over time, and schoolkids aren’t afraid to bring in an injured bird if they find one in the playground. To be part of that community.

And this is what most vet practices have been. You own your job, you don’t need to make a massive profit, just enough to keep doing what you want to do.

But now GreenX has shareholders. The business owners are not on the ground with the rest of us. I have concerns and I don’t like it.

That is not to be negative to those working for Greencross, the boots on the ground that are probably not being treated as well as they should, but need a job to keep the lights on. For some the structure suits them. For some it’s just a job. It is the team on the ground that is the only reason I started working for them in the first place, and stayed.

But do I wish it was something other than GreenX? Yes.

UPDATE: I’d like to contribute in this discussion some ‘advice’ that was shared on Facebook. Members of this particular group are warned to be careful what they post as it’s not a private group and anybody can take a screenshot, so I think that’s fair game.

I do not like this. I do not like this at all. I can’t even tell if it’s satire or trolling, because it’s too close to the truth.

Not only does it make it look like it’s now all about the money (which it is, for the shareholders) it reduces veterinary medicine to a numbers game. By this metric, a ‘good vet’ is one that earns $300 per consult, and twice as much of their billing comes from lab fees as consult fees. They also admit almost a third of their consults.

Doesn’t matter if clients like them, if they solve cases or achieve good medical outcomes. All the qualitative stuff is gone, just the dollar values.

(Oh, and if you meet those metrics, you’re in no way guaranteed to get a pay rise. From experience).

Now it is entirely possible to meet those metrics just by working your cases appropriately and seeing a lot of them, but thinking like this pushes vets, especially young vets who want a pay rise so they can afford their own car, home, etc, to be thinking of the dollars and not the animal or client as they practice.

Maybe I am old fashioned or a dying breed during the rise of corporate veterinary medicine, but I am profoundly uncomfortable with this. Worse, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, and a strong feeling of this is not my veterinary medicine.

I am heartened to see most of the comments on that thread from angry, like-minded vets insulted at being reduced to ‘trained monkeys’ and focusing on these metrics instead of patient outcomes and client satisfaction, but as GreenX picks up more and more young vets, training them to fit its mold, I am afraid of more of them being modeled into what GreenX wants, or becoming disillusioned and leaving the profession early.

[awfully-sadistic]

He didn’t need to speak, he often didn’t have to but it was uncanny that he could convey a lot with just one look.

You really thought I would just forget about you? It’s not that easy.

He didn’t have to say those exact words and Dot didn’t need to glean the thoughts from his mind in order to understand. It wasn’t that she absolutely believed any part of that, either. With how everyone openly revered her as the Matriarch of their Haushold, perhaps it was a vain thought that anyone in it would have a hard time forgetting her. Yet how could she think otherwise with beloved Big Brothers and Sisters and even those falling in-between telling her constantly how much she was loved, needed? Not just wanted, but needed. It was very important that Dot understood that she was needed. Like how one needs oxygen, like how one needs water and food. Dot was their substance, Dot was their lifeblood. It would have been very foolish to believe otherwise, to question any of their devotion that crossed the line from a healthy dose of obsession and turn that notch up to 10 then break away the knob. There was no question that anyone in the Haushold would forget about Dot but the same couldn’t quite be said about her.

Consider she “forgot” about him. It wasn’t quite the same as him forgetting about Dot, right? However, one might argue that the two worked interchangeably especially if neither party had been involved with each other for a long time. Or could she claim, Instead, that she had actively pushed him aside?

No. That could have been worse to say, honestly. Absolutely worse. For someone who was already driven to a ten, who knows what that might do.

But that was exactly what Dot kept claiming.

“I hadn’t just thought about him like that in a while.”

“I don’t feel the same any more.”

“I haven’t thought of him as “mine” in a very long time.”

Perhaps Dot wasn’t aware that it didn’t quite work like that. In a Haus where the lines were blurred from the very beginning anyway, boundaries were non-existent. If Dot didn’t feel one way about a particular person, that just meant they had to work harder. But she wasn’t off limits. Perhaps she was forgetting that she put herself willingly in this spot, and for that, she shouldn’t complain.

The first few days were, understandably, rough. She didn’t understand why he was doing this. You can’t just make anyone love you, even if you locked them up in a room for a while and forced them to spend time with you. But what other option did he have for someone who was so coveted, in so much demand, that it was otherwise impossible to spend time with Dot on the fly without booking an appointment first. One might think that was an over exaggeration but there was a backlog of names that reserved the right to stay on client for a couple of weeks just to spend time with her in a virtual reality.

Eventually, screens weren’t good enough to watch her through. He wanted something substantial, he wanted to be able to reach out and touch her any time he wanted. And that was precisely what he could do right now.

Of course, she may be giving him that look of confusion, of slight contempt, right now but in time, she’ll come around.

But it’s been exactly ten days and she still hasn’t said it right.

“You can’t keep me in this place forever, Sergei.” Dot’s voice cut through the silence like a knife; she couldn’t help but have a little barb in her tone. It’s been ten days since she woke up in what was practically a gilded cage. She wasn’t kept like some heathen in it; there was a bed, a small enclosed bathroom, and even a little kitchen area. And plenty to do regarding entertainment such as watch television or pick out a movie he had set aside for her to enjoy. All of her favorites. There were plenty of books too, again, all of her favorites and even some board games. However, it was sometimes hard to play with just two people when a game required at least four. She wasn’t allowed her laptop, though. Or her phone.

Her cage was still a cage.

She could tell she was in the basement below the Haus property, its cavernous space able to hold large machinery she had been seeing through the glass that surrounded her.

“You can’t keep me here like... like...” Dot floundered, a little too weak to keep up the argument. She didn’t like confrontation and she didn’t like arguing. It was beginning to wear her down. “like some sort of prisoner of war.” she finally finished.

She heaved a sigh when he said nothing (as usual) and rested back against the bed. She would have stopped eating days ago as some sort of protest but Sergei nipped that right in the bud by force-feeding her himself. He had already proved she would also get the sleep she needed by any means necessary, too. Withholding by not taking care of herself was not working, at all. And it wasn’t like she could do anything to him.

“You’re going to be in so much trouble.” she mumbled, placing an arm over her eyes. Granted, she assumed punishment from anyone else having discovered that she had been missing. She could name a couple of her Big Brothers off the top of her head that were probably turning the Haushold upside down right now.

“It’s hard to see how he would be in trouble when he’s earned the right to win you over fair and square.” Albert Wesker spoke from the other side of the observation tank. You know, the type they use for experimentation. Who would have thought they would have turned it into a makeshift prison for her? She certainly didn’t see that coming.

Dot cringed only slightly. Not from hearing the new voice but from the realization that... in this Family, anything seemed to go. Unless she could get to an Enforcer before this finished, he was probably going to get away with this by the time he decided to release her. 

Of course, when she gave him what he wanted. 

Again, that was another frustration for her. No matter how many times she pleaded and promised, Sergei wouldn’t accept that she meant what she said--that she was willing to give them another try.

“It’s in your tone,” Wesker said, almost absently. His head was bowed and there was something he had been writing in. From Dot’s spot on her bed, she had no clue as to what that was and as curious as a kitten, walked to the huge observation window to find out. At least it gave her something to do and if she could make progress on getting out of her, the better.

Dot made a face to see that there were plenty of equations she did not understand reflected on a worksheet he was completing. She had no idea what they did down here but perhaps it was time to start regulating that. Instead of math, she focused her attention back to Wesker’s statement.

“What’s in my tone?” she asked. Then she looked over at Sergei. Ever since she got up, he had been watching her every movement. He mainly sat in the tank with her except when he went to get her something to eat.

“That you’re just saying anything to appease him.”

“Isn’t that... the point?” Dot asked, slowly taking her gaze away from Sergei and onto Wesker again. She almost took a step backwards when she realized he was staring back.

“Partly. But you have to mean it, dearest, and not just bargain for your freedom.”

That made sense but she wasn’t going to admit it. But it made her wonder, too. Was she saying things to bargain for her freedom? Or had she thought she was being truthful? She turned around, unnerved by the way the two were staring at her now.

“I can see where you’re getting that from.” she finally said. “I guess I wasn’t being completely honest. I figured it’d be easier to say what Sergei wanted to hear and then he’d let me go but...”

“That’s not quite working out for you, is it?” Wesker smirked with a tiny prick of teeth showing between his lips and if Dot would have seen it, she probably would have thrown something at the glass. But she could feel it at her back and she straightened her spine, sniffing delicately. Did he always have to be so smug? Or right for that matter?

“So... what can I do to prove that I want to try?” Dot asked, turning back around. Wesker observed Dot for a while before gesturing over at Sergei.

“Well, that is not up to me, dear heart. You are asking the wrong man.” then he added, “Because if it were up to me, you would never leave.”

Dot laughed nervously at that because there was no lie in his statement. Wesker was telling the absolute truth and there was no smile there to betray it. Finding it much easier to face Sergei right now, she met his gaze with a little hesitation.

“Will you be willing to um, help me...remember what it was like?” Dot asked with uncertainty, hesitation. She didn’t know how to better phrase it so she had hoped what she said was acceptable.

Finally.

Sergei was ever-silent as he mulled over Dot’s words.

Finally, there was some truth to them.

The door hissed open and Dot, startled, almost jumped at the sound. Was he letting her go? Wesker looked disappointed but nobody was paying attention to that. He nodded his dark head and gestured with it that she was, indeed, free to go. She stood, stunned, wondering if it had been that easy all along. 

One look at Wesker as she slowly and unsurely made her way out and she figured that it was... for the Russian.

“Shame,” Wesker told her in passing. “but maybe you’ll find yourself in there once again, who knows.”

Dot couldn’t even mock laughing because that was a frightening prospect and there was no doubt she might.

Yeah. They would definitely need to be regulated down here.

[krixwell-liveblogs]

Check out this post. Wildbow talks about his life on reddit. This explains so much about Taylor’s school experience. No Worm spoilers

This sounds interesting. I’ve frequently wondered about how Wildbow’s life shaped this story.

Let’s take a look.

Redditors who have opted out of a standard approach to life (study then full time work, mortgage etc), please share your stories. What are the best and worst things about your lifestyle, and do you have any regrets?

Well, the title is already intriguing.

Hermit writer here.

Born hard of hearing, went to a regular school. Struggled in middle school. Struggled in high school. Kids who were in my class in kindergarten were in my classes all the way through to grade ten, with the elementary/middle school and high school being a stone's throw from one another.

I kind of knew about the hard of hearing bit already. I can’t find the ask that told me about it, though (it was probably before I stopped using screenshots for asks).

So far this sounds relatively normal, except for that part. But I’m guessing he’s going to elaborate a bit on the struggles surrounding his school life and hearing problems?

In grade 10, after years of bullying and a peer group that had established who was 'in' and who was 'out' when I was knee-high, tired of struggling, I was walking down the halls and I found myself wondering when the last time I'd even opened my mouth in school was.

Oh wow.

I stopped dead in my tracks, just paralyzed by loneliness. I asked myself what the point was, couldn't come up with an answer, resumed walking, went out the side door of the school and went home.

This clearly parallels a few of the last times we saw Taylor at Winslow High.

The start of me just not going to school for that entire year. Nobody noticed.

Damn. He really did write all that from experience. It took a while for Taylor’s absence to get noted, too.

Taylor’s absence getting noted at all actually seems like a fantasy compared to this.

I got caught at the end of the year, did the same thing the next year, got caught only at the end.

What the hell sort of attendance routines did this school have? Clearly not good ones.

Ended up going to an Alternative school (Self study), proved to myself that I had it in me when I got 3 years of studying done in 8 months, won two awards... and then had to go back to my old school for what was essentially grade 13, where I struggled.

Huh. Well done.

People learn in very different ways. Some people can do this much more effectively than learning in a group. Some people are like me and can’t make themselves keep up the effort required to self study, or learn better from lectures than reading.

Some people learn by observing their surroundings while flying.

I worked retail and found it fine. But family wanted me to go to University and figure myself out.

I’m currently working retail, taking a break from the educational system and buying time to figure out what to study.

I went to University and I struggled.

Guys, I’m sensing a theme here.

I spent a long, long time trying to figure out why I struggled, why I was tired all the time, and it took a kind of confluence of events before I realized what should've been obvious. I found the social stuff hard and I was exhausted after a day of listening because I'm severely to profoundly deaf.

Oh yeah, that makes a ton of sense. It’s like how focusing is exhausting when you have trouble doing that, how reading without glasses you need tires out your eyes and brain, etc.

Honestly, it’s a little surprising that I haven’t (explicitly) met a hard of hearing character in Worm yet. Maybe later? Oh wait, there was that deaf waitress at the villain pub in Hive.

Beyond that, the 'path' just isn't for me. The systems and institutions just grind me down. The idea of a 9 to 5 is death to me. These things are built and streamlined for the average person, and between disability and a fairly extreme degree of introversion, I'm far from that average.

That is very fair. There’s definitely a brand of ableism in that system.

In the end, I stepped off the path. I'd been writing a thing online as a side project and the reception was good, so I decided to leave school earlier than planned, use the savings I had, stretch things as far as I could, and work when I could (with a family friend when he needed the help and had the cash to spare, doing some landscaping, drywall installation, house painting, all prepping houses for sale in a boom market) to stretch things further.

This would be too early for that thing online to be Worm, right?

It just occurred to me that I have no idea how old Wildbow is.

And I wrote as seriously as I could while people close to me told me that I didn't deserve to 'get lucky' and have the writing work out because I hadn't seen University all the way through, or openly expressed doubts and disappointments.

Yikes.

Fuck that noise. Writing is tons of effort!

But you know, it worked out in the end. I wrote the equivalent of 20 books in 2.4 years, wrote another 10 for my next series in the ensuing 1.2 years, and I've kept up a similar pace over the last 7 years and two months.

Especially when you’re this coddamn productive!

That’s 8.33 books a year!

I started writing mid- 2011, left school at the start of 2012, went full-time-paying-the-bills in 2014 with an income around minimum wage. I moved to a small town (no car, nothing fancy) that same year. I'm now closer to the average Canadian wage. It's been two chapters a week (2.5 if crowdfunding money is enough) since the beginning.

Oh, I suppose that means it would be Worm after all.

When was this written... huh, yesterday? Well, that explains why this hasn’t been sent to me before.

Writing being Wildbow’s only/main income makes me feel even more right about my decision to set things up so that some of the money from my Patreon goes to Wildbow. It’s not that big a portion of his income (apparently average Canadian wage is 986 CAD or 755 USD per week, and I chip in with about 3.26 CAD or 2.50 USD per week), but it’s something.

My reality: I can go a week or two without really talking to anyone that isn't a cashier.

Sounds a bit lonely in the long run, but as a fellow introvert (or maybe I’m an ambivert, in the systems where that’s actually a thing), I get it - it also does sound pretty good. Especially if you’ve got internet people to casually interact with at your own leisure.

Every two months or so I go to a relative's to dogsit while they're on vacation or to see someone for their birthday, and that gives me most of my fill of socialization and companionship.

Nice!

I don't have a car, so it's usually walking or taking the train to another city, and using public transpo there. I subsisted on a rice and beans diet for a good stretch, one $15 video game bought in a year, and my level of expenses hasn't really risen that much from that point. I eat better and buy a couple more things, but nothing major.

So I guess this would be somewhere between average and reserved?

I don’t know. Being Norwegian spoils me on these things.

60%+ of what I earn goes to savings, which gives me security when my income could fluctuate or disappear at any time.

Oh, that’s smart. I suppose writing would be a bit of a risky business, what with writer’s block, audience fluctuations, sudden drops in popularity because something you wrote didn’t go over as well as you thought it would, etc.

My schedule is entirely my own, which usually amounts to 2.5 15+ hour workdays a week and another 5-10 hours a week spent managing community, finances, and exchanging emails with tv/movie studios, publishers or startups.

I was going to talk about the long but few workdays, but tv/movie studios excuse me what

Is a TV series version of something Wildbow wrote (Worm or otherwise) a serious possibility right now?? :o

Best things - I love what I do. I love creating, I love my reader's tears, I love my readers being horrified.

This is really important. You gotta enjoy what you do.

I get to make monsters and be surprised by what my characters do. Many of my fans are just the absolute coolest people - people I'm now insanely glad to have met and include in my life. There's amazing fanart of my work out there, music, people have gotten tattoos. Tattoos. That's insane.

People have permanently, painfully painted their appreciation of your work into their bodies, Wildbow!

The bad- I'm an online content creator, and it's impossible to convey just how toxic the toxic elements of a fandom can get and how negative the negative aspects can get, and how much it can affect you.

That is true. There will always be a toxic side, and I can imagine works like Worm would attract a lot of the edgy sort.

I've seen 20 online content creators either break down or remark on the effect it has, and it's wholly accurate- and my audience isn't even ~that~ large.

Yeah, it doesn’t take that many people to start brewing fandom sides like this.

This is multiplied by the fact that writing is lonely as a profession (I know too many writers who can't even talk to their life partners about their work) and it can be hard to find perspective or balance as you take it all in, when you don't have people to communicate with.

Robert Jordan used his wife as a beta reader or editor of sorts. She was there to tell him when something he wrote didn’t quite come across, to make up for the fact that he couldn’t tell. After all, he knew what he meant by that one line.

On a similar note, some casual dating would be nice, and living in a small town for economical reasons doesn't leave me with a large dating pool, and at this point I'm not even sure if I could or should inflict myself on someone.

Oof.

There are way too many people who think like that. I hope you find happiness with someone who sees you for the good bean you are, Wildbow.

I'm healthy, groomed, I can hold a conversation, I'm just pretty set in my introverted ways.

...relatable, though.

But still, I’m pretty sure there are people out there for us, who not only tolerate but appreciate the introvert lifestyle.

Hell, both of my crushes have been very introverted, even compared to myself, so I know those people exist because I’m among them.

On another, less social note, there is the fact that as an online content creator, you can't really take breaks. Or you can, but it costs. Consistency and frequency of updates are god, and a hiatus is a death knell.

No wonder he criticized me on this that one time. In his situation, it matters a lot.

I don't even know what an effective vacation would entail, because I feel like finding my stride again would cost more than I gained from having the break. So it's been seven years and two months without a vacation, writing a short book every month.

Damn.

You deserve so many props, Wildbow.

...at some point here I started talking to Wildbow, just like I do to Taylor and other Worm characters. Well, at least this time there’s actually a chance he’s going to read this sometime, if he hasn’t dropped my blog.

I just hope he doesn’t think it’s weird that I’m liveblogging his life story.

It makes for a very strange sort of burnout, when I love it so much, I can still regularly put out some great work to acclaim and praise, but am nonetheless worn down around the edges.

That does not sound healthy.

No regrets. This is me. This is what I'm built for.

As long as you feel it’s right for you, this is good. :)

I could do with less negativity from some fans and getting regular good nights of sleep (the deafness comes with insomnia by way of terminal tinnitus), but both of those just come with the territory.

Ouch.

I feel you on the sleep front (ADD has its ways of messing with your ability to fall asleep too), but tinnitus sounds like a particularly annoying way to be inflicted with it.

I've been telling family for the last year that I'll move to a city with more going on than (as my elderly neighbor phrased it) drinking and meth, where there's classes to take, a possible dating pool, and/or activities that could break me out of my hermit shell... but my current apartment is amazing and cheap, with the nicest landlords ever. It's just in a do-nothing town. I haven't found anything remotely competitive, even taking 'cheap' off the table.

I’ve lived in small-ish towns all my life. It’s pretty nice, especially as an introvert.

So that's where I'm at.

Thank you, Wildbow. This was an interesting read. I feel like I know you a bit better now. :)

(Again, if you’re reading this, I hope it wasn’t too weird to see me liveblogging this.)

[cameoamalthea]

So I took this Dark Core Personality test (which was less edge lord than I thought it would be) and scored 31.89% lighter than average. OP scored 26.11% darker and because tumblr is forcing me to see all the comments on this thread (not just comments directed to me based on my reblog - seriously tumblr why you do this?) I see a lot of darkness. 

I wonder how people are scoring that way? 

So I thought I’d take a moment to think about the questions. All 45 of them: under the cut

1. I deserve more than I currently have in life.

I said strongly agree, because while I’m grateful for what I have I’d like to be a bit more financially stable/to be able to pay back the family that have helped me. 

I don’t think it’s wrong to agree with some of these (average is agreeing to a lot of these things). Most things are about balance. 

It’s good to have self esteem and self worth, to say that you deserve happiness/good things/to succeed and grow. 

2. I might be willing to take a punch if it meant that someone I did not like would receive two punches.

I don’t really understand this question and strongly disagreed. Why get myself hurt just to hurt someone else. I don’t really want to see anyone get punched. It just seems petty and mean.

3. Some people have to be treated roughly because they lack feelings that can be hurt.

Again what? How could anyone even think this? Everyone has feelings that can be hurt and no one has to be hurt. That’s awful.

4. If I opposed the election of an official, I would be glad to see them fail, even if their failure hurt my community.

I was neutral on this one, because I don’t understand how an elected official failing would hurt my community. If I oppose the election of an official it’s because I think their success would hurt my community. You vote for who you think will have the best policies right? 

I don’t get it.

5. I would be willing to pay more for certain goods if other people I did not like had to pay even more.

This seems stupid, petty and unfair. I don’t see why you’d want to hurt people you don’t like...I may not like everyone but I don’t want to see anyone hurt.

6. It is important to me that I am more successful than others.

This I agreed with strongly. It’s a fault I have and I know it. I want to prove myself as ‘worthy” I guess. Good enough. Not a failure. Because I always felt like it was somehow my fault I was never adopted/treated like a daughter by my guardians. Sometimes I wonder if I’d somehow been more lovable they would have wanted me. So I think if I’m more successful than average/do something amazing, then it would be proof that I’m not worthless?

 I know that I shouldn’t compare myself to others. It’s not effective to compare yourself negatively. Life isn’t a competition and if it were a race, it wouldn’t be a fair one since we all start in different places. I should focus on my own happiness and appreciate my achievements relative to how far I’ve come not to anyone else. 

Still, if I’m honest, I have to strong agree even if I know it’s a fault.

7.I like to pick on losers.

What the heck? I wouldn’t want to pick on anyone.

8. It’s okay to lie since you never know who you can trust.

No, it’s not okay to lie. I think if you’re seen as honest and trustworthy then people will give you honesty and trust in return.

9. I can be really nasty when I take my revenge.

I don’t want revenge 

10. Payback needs to be quick and nasty.

Again, I don’t need revenge or payback. (If anything if others hurt me I need to accept that it wasn’t my fault/I didn’t disserve it)

11. I fantasize about extraordinary prestige.

This is a strong agree, unsurprisingly. I want to be loved, and prestige would mean a lot of people would like me or my work. That would feel good. 

12. I use insincere flattery to get my way.

Nope, I do use sincere flattery to be nice to people. People like compliments and it’s good to be nice.

13. I use lies to get my way.

Nope.

14. I should not have to deal with trivial matters or the humdrum of everyday life.

Isn’t the humdrum of everyday life what life is? I like life? When I was a kid I dreamed about just having a normal life. I think we should all appreciate it.

15. I have enjoyed hurting someone physically, sexually, or emotionally.

No, I would never want to hurt someone. Although I was with a girl once who liked it if I bit her and it made her happy when I did it. I don’t think that’s hurting someone if you’re making them happy. Even if it is, I didn’t enjoy hurting her. I enjoyed making her happy.

16. People see me as especially worthy of admiration.

No way, I can’t imagine being worthy of admiration.

17. I deserve to have great things come my way in life.

Strong affirmation, which is a good thing for me given my issues with self esteem and feeling like I deserve bad things/don’t deserve good things. It’s not selfish to have a healthy amount of self esteem and self care.

18. It’s okay to lie if it’s the best way to handle a situation.

I’m honestly really honest. To the point of being too blunt and hurting others feelings.

19. I honestly feel I am just more deserving than others.

Big no to this one, I don’t deserve more than anyone else and I’m sure there others more deserving than me and it’s been a lot of work not to feel like I’m I just less deserving than others 

20. It is sometimes worth taking a little suffering yourself if it means that others will receive the punishment they deserve.

Again with the punishment. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t believe in punishment per se, I believe in consequences and that consequences come from the individuals actions. It’s not something I want to have happen to others, it’s something that does happen/should happen because justice and fairness demand a certain consequence to certain actions 

21. Most people don’t really care about others.

That’s not true, I can’t believe that 

22. Taking something without the owner’s permission is okay as long as you’re just borrowing it.

No, it’s not. Borrowing requires permission. Consent is the difference between what is permissible and what is criminal (note how permissible has the same root as permission). People have a right to their belongings, and even if you give it back, using it without consent is still conversion. If you take a car and go joy riding and intend to bring it back, you’ve still stolen a car.

Yes, there some things you might feel ok borrowing without asking because it’s a small thing and they wouldn’t mind, then chances are you’d be ok with stealing that thing (i.e. a pencil). Otherwise, you shouldn’t take without asking. 

23. I look down on people who unwisely share their secrets.

No, in fact I’m very open and share everything. I don’t have secrets.

24. I refrain from telling people the real reason I did something unless it is useful to do.

No, again I’m very honest and open. I want to be understood. I don’t really stop to think about what’s useful.

25. I only obey those laws that seem reasonable to me.

No, everyone is bound by the laws. Doesn’t matter if the speed limit could be faster you shouldn’t speed.

26. I often have fantasies which involve hurting people.

Big no

27. There are no right and wrong ways of making money, so much as there are easy and hard ways.

God that sounds terrible. Like they’d do anything to make money. Do you know how many terrible ways people can make money? 

28. I can get so angry that I want to hurt people.

Big no, I don’t get angry often and when I do I don’t want to hurt anyone.

29. People who get mistreated have usually done something to deserve it.

No, big no. That’s not true. People get mistreated who have done nothing to deserve it. Usually that’s how bullying works.

30. My own happiness is more important than that of the people around me.

Nope, and this is another flaw of mine. I tend to put everyone else first.

31. Compared to other bad things people do, stealing something small from a store isn’t worth worrying about.

No, it’s still stealing and it actually hurts the store’s bottom line (they keep track of items that go missing, called “shrink”) and if the store is hurt/loses money then that can hurt the people who work there (hours, even whole jobs, cut to save money).

32. Most people would probably enjoy hurting others if they had the chance.

No, I can’t believe that’s true

33. If I had the opportunity, I would gladly pay a small sum of money to see a classmate whom I do not like fail a job or exam.

Again, I don’t want to hurt people. One this seems like paying to hurt someone which is wrong. And making someone fail when they don’t deserve that. It’s not fair and it’s not right.

34. I expect special favors from others.

Nope

35. I keep track of sensitive information that can be used to hurt people at a later time.

Of course not, I don’t want to hurt anyone. 

36. I spend a lot of time looking for opportunities to achieve higher social status.

Nope, I’m ambitious insofar as I want to do well but I don’t spend a lot of time on it. If anything it makes me anxious to ask for things so even applying for jobs was hellish and I hate networking events. It feels wrong to talk to people just because you want something from them.

37.  People like me deserve more perks and advantages than the average person.

No, again, my natural state is to think I don’t deserve anything but I’m working on that. But even then, no one deserves to be treated better than anyone else, that’s not fair. 

38. Hearing others praise me is something I look forward to.

Big YES for this one! I like to feel like I’m going a good job and I need the validation. 

39.I am especially motivated towards making friends with important people.

Not really, I want to make friends with everyone because friends 

40. I avoid direct conflict with people who may be useful to me in the future.

I said yes on this because I avoid conflict in general and I don’t want to burn bridges with people

41. Those with superior talents should not hide them.

Well yeah, everyone should let their talents shine and share them with the world.

42. I am constantly looking for ways to get ahead.

I said yes, I want to do my best. 

43. I humiliate others to keep them in line.

This is wrong on so many levels. “keep them in line” Trying to control people is abusive. Hurting people is wrong and humiliating someone is hurting someone, doing it to control them is textbook abuse/manipulation. That’s terrible.

44. People who mess with me almost always regret it.

I don’t think they do and I certainly don’t try to make them regret it. Well one time I sued a car dealership for running my credit without my consent (in the face of me saying no multiple times/complete lack of consent). I wanted them to pay for that, but not just for me, because they broke the law and they should learn that’s not ok. I hope that by losing some money they would think twice about doing that to other people. But I think that’s the only time I’ve ever taken action against anyone, but that wasn’t revenge, that was ensuring the fair consequence for their actions.

45. I’ll say anything to get what I want.

Nope, I’m honest and I don’t think it’s right to say “anything” just to get what I want. That seems wrong.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WRITING, MANAGER'S SCHEDULE, STUPID

Or we can improve it, which usually means encrusting it with gratuitous ornament. Working slowly and meticulously is premature optimization.1 I'm told it derives ultimately from Marvin Minsky, in the worst case it won't be for too long. But that approach is very risky. And because startups are in this sense doubly valuable to acquirers, acquirers will often pay more than an ordinary investor would. So you want to start them. So whatever it costs to establish a mediocre university, for an additional half billion or so you could have a great one. Audiences like to be flattered; they like jokes; they like to be swept off their feet by a vigorous stream of words.2 They're like a food that's not merely healthy, but counteracts the unhealthy effects of things you've already eaten. Just have building codes that ensure density, and ban large scale developments. And if the answer is a thousand than if it's ten.3

That may be what public speaking is really for. But because he's sitting astride it, he seems to have done ok. A nerd looks at that deal and sees only: pay a fortune for a small, dark, noisy apartment. Historically there have always been certain towns that were centers for certain industries, and if you're smart your reinventions may be better than what preceded them. If investors are easily convinced, the startup never happens.4 That was all it took to make the software easy to use. Because they come at the end of that year we had about 70 users. A startup with the best people. Hard, but doable.

After the lecture the most common form of failure is running out of money while you're trying to decide whether to start one it's important to understand that.5 It's practically the standard ending in blog entries—with the addition of a heh or an emoticon, prompted by the all too accurate sense that something is missing. You must feel really tired. The startup hubs in the US knows what it means. As in science, the hard part is seeing something new that users lack. The competitors Google buried would have done them already. We both had roughly zero assets.

In that case, you might ask, why not wait longer? The guys with kids and mortgages are at a real disadvantage.6 I was disgusted by the idea of having a lot of experience themselves in the technology business. Google, but the trouble is, they're not drifting. Why are they so hot to invest in a startup.7 You have to get them beaten out of you by contact with the real world. Professional means doing good work, not elevators and glass walls. A lot of startups involve someone moving. Keep doing it when you start a startup.8 Blue staters think it's subjective, and red staters think it's subjective, and red staters think it's for sissies.

Where the just-do-it model is fast, whether you're Dan Bricklin writing the prototype of VisiCalc in a weekend, or a carefully cropped image of a seacoast town in Maine.9 For example, in a recent essay I pointed out that because you can only manage 1%, it's a sign you haven't yet figured out what you're doing, you can compose expressions however you want. But it certainly wasn't true, and hadn't been true for centuries, that students were serving apprenticeships in the hottest area of scholarship. But I don't wish I were a better speaker like I wish I could say that force was more often used for good than ill, but I'm not sure where I'm heading. Could Americans have nice places to live without undermining the impatient, hackerly spirit you need to know about you and don't want their money, because a lot of good co-founders meet is at work. But should you start a startup? It's as if a chunk of time to try to discover something no one wants. What happened to Don't be Evil?

Google's case the most important thing that the constraints on a normal business protect it from is not competition, however, you're in a powerful position.10 Starting one is at first no more than commitment. The essential task in a startup, but what they want to live at the office in a startup hub, because economically that's what startups are. This won't work for all startups, but most reduce to this: look at something people are trying to do in an essay. That was as far as I know has a serious girlfriend, and everything they own will fit in one car—or more precisely, will either fit in one car or is crappy enough that they don't mind leaving it behind.11 Silicon Valley. If you've lived in New York, where people walk around smiling. For nearly all of history the success of a society was proportionate to its ability to assemble large and disciplined organizations.12 If you think investors can behave badly, it's nothing compared to what they pick up on their own internal design compass like Henry Ford did it to the manufacturers of specialized video editing systems, and now Apple is doing it to the manufacturers of specialized video editing systems, and now Apple is doing it to the expensive models made for professionals. If two companies have the same revenues, it's the company's growth rate.13

So the real question is not what growth rate successful startups tend to have.14 Another thing you can do in a startup. In fact, I could see them thinking that we didn't count for much. What's the difference between Google and a barbershop. There you're not concerned with truth. The good news is that the customer doesn't want what he thinks he wants.15 Perhaps high schools should drop English and just teach writing. That's the connection between technology and liberalism. Several times a week I set aside a chunk of time to meet individually with all the other seniors; no one regards you as a failure, because your own personal bias points in the same way the classic airline pilot manner is said to derive from Chuck Yeager. A startup that grows at 1% a week will grow 1.

Notes

Even the cheap kinds of work have different time quanta. I don't want to lead. But let someone else. Steve hadn't come back.

This was partly confidence, and 20 in Paris. Down rounds are bad news; it is because their company for more than just salary.

Otherwise they'll continue to evolve as e. This phenomenon will be as shocked at some of those things that's not directly exposed to competitive pressure, because it was the least experience creating it. 5% a week for 4 years. Dealers try to avoid becoming an administrator, or can make things very confusing.

Siegel points out that taking time to come if they seem to be a lost cause to try, we'd ask, what that means having type II startups, you can't distinguish between selecting a link and following it; all you'd need to run an online service. A professor at a 5 million cap, but they're not influenced by confidence. Public school kids at least one of these companies wish they weren't, because the remedy was to reboot them, if you start to finance themselves with retained earnings till the Glass-Steagall act in 1933. Or it may be a product of number of restaurants that still require jackets for men.

College English Departments Come From? Trevor Blackwell points out that this had since been exceeded by actors buying their startups.

The reason not to make programs easy to write it all yourself. Microsoft itself didn't raise outside money, and others, and it introduced us to Steve Huffman and Alexis Ohanian, both of which he can be useful here, because some schools work hard to say because most of the things attributed to Confucius and Socrates resemble their actual opinions.

This prospect will make developers pay more attention to not screwing up. All you have to. Eric Horvitz.

Emmett Shear, and as an adult.

It's unpleasant because the kind of intensity and dedication from programmers that they imitate even the flaws of big companies weren't plagued by internal inefficiencies, they'd be called unfair.

And no, you can talk about it.

How much better that you can't tell you that if the similarity extended to returns. Put rice in rice cooker and forget about it.

Even though we made comparatively little from it, this thought experiment: set aside for this type are also much cheaper when bought in bulk.

I use. But no planes crash if your goal is to do, just those you can see how universally faces work by their prevalence in advertising. You're going to give up your anti-dilution provisions also protect you against tricks like a headset or router.

When you get bigger, your size helps you grow. Trevor Blackwell presents the following scenario. Maybe at first had two parts: the attempt to discover the most famous example. Whereas the value of a social network for x instead of using special euphemisms for lies that seem excusable according to some abstract notion of fairness or randomly, in the sort of mastery to which the top VCs thus have a moral obligation to respond promptly.

And frankly even these companies unless your initial investors agreed in advance that you're being starved, not because it's a bad idea was that the stuff they're showing him is something special that only a sliver of it, there is one of these groups, which have evolved the way investors say No.

[themoulinblue]

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT

The story:

I have many issues with the story this year but in general terms it was ok. For some reason, American Horror Story hasn’t topped its better season "Asylum", with 7 seasons already; there’s something missing.

American Horror Story: Cult, starts with election night focused in the two lead characters Kai Anderson and Ally Mayfair-Richards, one is Republican and the other is Democratic. We already knew this and we also knew that the main plot wouldn’t be the elections, the main plot is kinda the chaos that came after that.

Anyways, this season has good things and bad things IMO. It has good moments, good episodes, but overall is predictable, this supposed to be a realistic season with non supernatural elements but at some point it’s not realistic at all.

The first episode wasn’t memorable, there’s Kai trying to raise his position now that Trump is the winner and Ally fighting being terrorized by her phobias, isn’t really clear at the beginning if this is in her head or it’s really happening. The thing is that Sarah’s character being chased and scared is not something new, her character last season did the same thing and probably that’s why people were complaining about it. Obviously, things change after a few episodes and we get to meet a new Ally (Thank God)

Anyways, I have to say that I love the episodes “Neighbors from Hell” “Holes” “Mid-Western assassin” and “Drink the Kool-Aid” those for me were the better ones, it had some plot twist… there’s others I liked but not as much a the ones I mentioned.

I think one of the problems with this season is the consistency, we have great episodes and then we have the Valerie Solanas episode that IMO was unnecessary, why? It was too long, was her story really important for the main plot? I don’t think so, the other cults were short flashbacks but for some reason they dedicated a whole episode to Valerie Solanas, I didn’t get that. They let us know Bebe, yeah ok, so? Apparently she was the Queen Bee but died when we found out she was the Queen Bee. For me it was so unrealistic that in the first session with Kai she managed to convince him to create a crazy cult and Kai immediately accepted and did what she wanted and I was like what? Why don’t explore that and show us how she slowly got into Kai’s head? It’s unbelievable that in one session you can make someone to open to you in that deep level, like come on.

The motivations: to be honest, the characters had weak motivations, (I want to talk about every character but this is like a general point of view) when a character do something, you always ask to yourself why is this person doing this? And of course, you are waiting for a reasonable explanation. I wasn’t convinced at all of their motivations to create chaos, Ivy hating on Ally, Winter being Kai’s minion… I only believed Ally, because like it or not, she had real reasons to become the cold ass bitch she was at the end. I see Kai and I have nothing but hate for him, there must be a realistic reason for this young man that used to be a good person in general that actually helped people to scape from this crazy Christian fanatic to become a crazy ass psychopath that decided that killing innocent people in order to be city council man was a good idea, and don’t tell me that a Trump supporter will listen to a woman and make all this for women to lead because that’s bull shit. Even when he changed his mind at the end and decided that he was a misogynist asshole and he was the one with the right to become the leader, sorry but still… not very good motivations. Also Ivy’s motivations, really? I mean? Girl, getting divorced and having shared custody was way more easy than terrorize your wife and exposing your son to all that cruel shit.

I also saw that many people said “this doesn’t look like American Horror Story” well, that’s true and you wanna know why this doesn’t look like AHS anymore? The cinematography, we had Michael Goi as cinematographer for 5 seasons and yeah I can agree that the cinematography in Roanoke was beautiful Nelson Cragg did an amazing job. The thing is, Michael Goi knows better the AHS universe, I don’t even know why Ryan decided to let him go, the cinematography this season was BORING, I don’t know who made it, (someone please let me know) for me, it looked like a lifetime movie, sorry but this is the true.

Michael knows the narrative style, the aesthetic, Accomplishing a visual differentiation between time periods was one of the many aesthetic elements of previews seasons, this season was almost the same, you could see a little difference with the cult flashbacks but the aesthetic wasn’t good so it didn’t look great. Michael used to make different lighting for the same space trying not to duplicate the same representation of that space, but keeping the consistency so the audience could recognize the space. He also tried to emphasizes the dramatic moments so the audience could see the story’s arcs (I’m kinda quoting Michael here, I read this somewhere and I found it very fascinating) I didn’t see any of this in Cult, I mean AHS is well known for its consistency between the cinematography, set design and wardrobe.

Another thing was that we couldn’t enjoy the sets, the camera was almost always over the characters, I didn’t get to see the Butchery on Main for example, or Ally’s house, I wanted to know the space, I wanted to see the set decoration, there were master shots of the set in AHS and in Cult we didn’t get any. The frames in previews seasons were so beautiful and here it was I don’t know so normal, so… boring and if there were some master shots I’m sorry but I don’t remember, it means it weren’t epics at all. I just remember the way they showed us the Murder House, The Asylum, The Academy, The camp in Freak Show, The Hotel and even the Mansion in Roanoke. I miss that.

The Characters:

There’s a rule in American Horror Story, everyone pays for what they do. Yeah kai died, almost everyone died, so let’s say most of them paid but not Ally, yeah she was terrorized in the first episodes but she was a murderer and what happened to her doesn’t compare with what happened to Lana for example, Do you really think that Lana is actually happy? She’s not, she killed her son and she will have to live with that and we can see that in the final episode, even when she has a good life she’s still haunted for her past and her choices, that’s a good way to pay, Ally didn’t have any kind of remorse. Ivy deserved to die, yeah and I really enjoyed the way she died and for me it was more than fair that Ally was the one to kill her but she was the mother of her son, she was her wife and she lied about her death. So, Ally getting away with that wasn’t ok for me, everyone in this season deserved to pay, it would be awesome if Kai could expose her before his death, Ally in jail and finally everything will be fine for those innocent people out there at least for a while.

Kai Anderson: like I said before, his motivations were weak, I compare Kai with Frank Underwood in HOC (let’s forget about KS for a while and let’s focus in the character) this character is so well written, in this case I wanted to be on Kai’s side like I am with the Underwoods. This is how you write an antihero and even more if this antihero is the leader of a cult, let us love him for a while and then let us open our eyes and see how awful this character is, he was the clear villain and that’s predictable, we hated him since the beginning so when he dies it’s not shocking at all because yeah he was the villain. I never found Kai relatable or charismatic, some random guy with blue unwashed hair that lives in his parents basement would never convince me to follow him as a leader and even less to kill for him, I would run away as fast as I can, so his little monologues to convince people were so cheesy and so “seriously, are you gonna believe that shit?” he convinced in literally 10 minutes someone he barely knew to kill like… that’s not how it works, you have to be so dumb to fall for that. Also, I think that picking just one Cult leader to be your idol would be enough instead of passing for all those cult leaders (this is just me, like I said, personal opinion, if you disagree, that’s ok, people like different things)

Ally: probably the best development, even when I hated the fact that she got away with her crimes, I have to accept that her transformation was really good, I understand that you can’t get over your phobias over night but come on, we have only 11 episodes… there’s no time to be realistic here, so yeah, it was great to see Ally leaving her old self behind and becoming a totally new person, we really needed this, and that was very well done. Now I understand why she joined the cult and everything because they explained it, and I’m so grateful for that. I have to say that her motivations were very real, she wanted her son, this people tortured her and she needed to tear that cult apart. But, I don’t think she’s a feminist, she was selfish and to be honest you could see that she was thinking in herself and not her son, she uses her fame for her own gain, sorry not a feminist. Also if she was with the FBI why did she kill speedwagon? She could use him to help her? Another innocent died and she had not remorse. And please don’t say that Lana did the same with her fame because Lana deserved all that, she was rape, she was in the asylum only for being gay, she got electroshock, she got her rapist baby, she was tortured in a basement I mean come on… do not compare Ally with Lana. That’s way I say Ally deserved to pay for her crimes too, otherwise her winning is predictable.

Ivy: I really wish Ryan could give us for the first time a healthy couple, it’s not that hard… I was rooting for Ivy, I refused to believe that Ryan would be this predictable by making her the bad one, after that I hated her a lot (I love Alison Pill, tho, great job) I mean, her motivations, JESUS H. CHRIST (let’s quote Constance Langdon) girl, getting a divorce it’s easier than killing people and torturing your wife and son, you hated her because she was the biological mother and because she voted for someone you didn’t like? And also you spend 10 years hating her without saying a word and pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t? you made yourself miserable and that’s not Ally’s fault, in a relationship people talk, people say how they feel, why don’t do that? So yeah, you deserved to die because you were a two faced bitch. Also, the cliché part… you cheated on Ally with the nanny… wow… original. I hope she’s in the next season, tho.

Winter: when I saw Winter’s poster I said, this character will be epic, sorry it wasn’t, she was just a minion and never took a side, she only got 2 scenes to shine and that was unfair, I also was doubting about Billie’s acting skills because she had always the same expression for every situation, the same monotone voice, Winter was boring and that’s a fact, when she died I was ok with it because for me she wasn’t relevant (Not Billie’s fault) she was really good in 2 episodes tho, so I hope to see her next season with a most interesting character.

The Wiltons: how to have a good couple and ruin it in two episodes, my fave was Meadow, she was funny and Leslie was awesome, Billy had his moments too… I love the second episode just because of them, and I enjoyed seeing their background, too sad that Meadow died too soon because I really loved the episode with her and Ally, I don’t have anything wrong to say. Good characters.

Dr. Vincent: I was shocked when I found out he was Kai’s brother and I’m glad he didn’t know anything about the cult, because once you get to know that he was related to Kai and Winter you immediately think that he was part of everything since the beginning, I was happy I was wrong, but I did find cruel that Ally let Kai to kill him, he was innocent and didn’t deserved it but I guess we are used to see Ryan sacrificing characters to advance in the story line… so it’s fine.

Samuels: he was irrelevant… let’s move on

Gary: nothing to say about him, he was another peon, her death was unnecessary, but ok.

Oz: this child was amazing, I loved when he called out Kai, that was awesome, he was super smart and I’m sorry he had those mothers, but again… parents in AHS sucks, just look at Constance, The Harmons, The Lowes, Fiona etc. I would love to see him again, such a talented child.

Berverly Hope: I think she made sense, I’m glad she didn’t die because she was a victim, and I’m so glad she was the one who killed Kai, I think she deserved that in order to move on with her life, she was the only one that actually tried to do something, I enjoyed Bev a lot.

Bebe Rabbit: uhmm, I love Franny and I’m so sorry she had to play this character.

So, in conclusion, this season isn’t bad but isn’t good either, it’s in the middle and it’s almost in the bottom of my list, I don’t think this is the kind of season I would watch again (same with Hotel) it had its moments but it’s not better than Asylum like many people have said, it’s not even close.

PD: I’m pressed because Lily Rabe wasn’t in this season, the holy trinity of AHS is dead… I’m so tired that Ryan doesn’t give the recognition she deserves, I want her as the lead and I want her alive.