#so now there def no chance of being able to wear them tomorrow

[boqvistsbabe]

I’m being so dramatic about a pair of pants right now

[otomegema]

title: Convergence Theory, ch. 2 pairing: Gojo Satoru x Reader summary: You are a lesser family member of the Gojo clan, so far removed you don’t even carry the name, but you carry the Limitless ability and thus the potential to be a bride to the future head of the clan— a fact you patently reject at fifteen. Twelve years later you are a second grade sorcerer struggling to obtain first grade status when the object of your deepest objections offers you a deal. rating: mature tropes: fake dating/engagement, rivals to lovers, slow romance Link: Archive of Our Own

It had been a logical move to allow Gojo to take down your number, entering it into his contacts with an obscene amount of heart and wishing star emojis by the brief glance you caught over his shoulder. It looked like he was already banking on your acceptance of the deal, but when you parted, your to-go sushi in a small plastic bag, you hadn’t expected to hear from him until tomorrow evening at the latest.

Or maybe even never.

But now, back in the hotel you were being comped for while in Tokyo, you wished silently that you’d never given that man your cell phone number.

Honey

Baby

Future-pretend-love-of-my-life

Have you made a decision?

He wasn’t human. It was barely 6am, did he wake up this early for lessons every day? You groaned, nearly swatting the phone off the nightstand in the dark.

You shot back a fast reply.

-oh I’m sorry

-I’m still recovering from getting electrocuted the other day

-Some asshat led a curse to me

You rolled over, managing to get at least another decent half hour of sleep in before the phone chimed again, lighting up the darkened hotel room.

\(★ω★)/

YOUR asshat

Should you choose to accept this mission

You threw off your covers, forcing yourself up to sit against the stack of pillows behind you as you tapped out a reply.

-My pretend asshat

-Mother will be so proud

The dots of his reply began immediately.

So is that a yes?

You sighed, rolling your eyes to yourself.

-Day isn’t over -Hasn’t even started tyvm

The dots began. Stopped. Began and stopped again, this time not reappearing. You tossed your phone onto the bed and teetered up and over to the coffee maker. The pot was finishing brewing by the time your phone chimed again.

You’re so slow.

The addition of punctuation and the sudden lack of emoji seemed almost like a warning flare that Gojo’s patience was waning. But you hardly knew the man and really, what did you care? A favor for a favor was what he offered. You didn’t owe him anything.

I have other options too.

His text continued and for a moment you frowned, wondering if his intention was to have that sound like a threat. You felt heat rising in your throat— he didn’t want to play that game.

So no pressure. Genuinely.

Oh. Good. That was better. You felt the tension uncoil as fast as it had grown.

Tho I AM your only hope for advancement <3

You could have thrown the phone right through the wall. Your thumbs worked rapidly, shooting out your reply in no time.

-Ah yes, your finest quality

A quick appearance of dots.

My special grade ranking? (･ω<)☆

You smirked.

-Humility

You’re no fun.

Text me when you are done being boring.

This was probably the most you had ever spoken to Gojo, despite having seen him on and off from a distance for the better half of your life. He was hard to miss. Every event at the main house would have him and his immediate family at the forefront. No one ever stopped talking about Gojo Satoru and his accomplishments and his strength and his skill as a sorcerer.

It was nauseating, having to pretend to nod and smile like it was all some great blessing just to orbit near him. It was bad enough he read like a sun to your abilities, as if he needed to be made to think he was anymore of the center of the universe.

Your palm itched. The desire to tap back a response now, a firm denial, very strong. But not stronger than your excitement at the possibility of being a first grade sorcerer. It was everything you had wanted. Prestige, recognition, tougher missions and the pay and rewards that came with them.

You were no weakling. Sure the telemetry technique took you out of commission, but it was hardly your greatest feat. You had finally been able to manifest the cursed technique lapse, blue. Granted, it was a one off and exhausted you so fully afterwards that you nearly fainted on the spot… but your tolerance was getting better. The precision of your manipulation of your cursed energy would never be on par with Gojo, but you could, some day, maybe even manage to shoot the technique off twice.

Reversal Red was next to impossible. And Hollow Technique? Truly impossible. The Six Eyes was needed to even attempt it. Most of your practice had been devoted to perfecting your long distance teleportation skills, fine tuning your telemetry technique and working on establishing your domain. That one was easier. The Unlimited Void crushed your opponent beneath an overload of sensory information, information you could easily channel and tap into with your own unique skills as a Limitless user.

But like all things, you were only second best. And barely. It was a joke. Comparing yourself to Gojo. He was on a level you could never achieve— unless.

You grabbed your phone, hastily dialing the new number and wincing at the loud, cheerful greeting from the other line.

“Good morning, moon of my soul, tenderest heart, darling—!“

“I haven’t even said yes yet, you monster.”

“Ah! A name of my very own? Be still my trembling heart!”

“I wish to make an amendment to the agreement.”

There was a lengthy pause. You could practically hear the slow spread of that sly smile. Content as the cat who caught the canary.

He knew he was about to win.

“Let’s hear it.”

“If you are putting my name forward for first grade, that means you have someone else in mind to be the second backer and someone in mind for me to shadow on missions and train with, yeah?

“I do.” Gojo said, his tone surprisingly serious.

“Have them put my name forward instead. I want to shadow you.”

Gojo laughed, a short mirthless thing, “What makes you think I have the time?”

“You have enough time to play pretend, I’d think any fiancé would leap at the chance to be with his lovely wife-to-be and keep her safe.”

Gojo hummed.

“Why me?”

This was an oddly familiar conversation.

“Purely selfish reasons. You are the best Limitless user. I am a Limitless user. I want you to teach me.”

“You aren’t on my level.” He said, no malice in his words, just simple facts.

“Then teach me what I can handle.”

There was another pause.

“I’m not gonna go easy on you just because you’re my girl.”

The bare utterance of the endearment sent a shiver up your arms and not an entirely pleasant one either. His girl. God, how would you even begin to explain this fake engagement to your parents? Who knew the depth of your jealousy and bitterness over Gojo since you were— what? Five? Younger?

“Since I am just your ‘pretend’ girl, I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“Your funeral, babe.” Gojo said, “But I’m glad we resolved this early! Because we are having dinner. Reservations are made, I’ll pick you up at seven. Wear something pretty!”

Your words caught in your throat, stuttering across your tongue and unable to force out before the line cut off and he was gone.

You pressed the edge of your phone to your temple, already feeling a headache coming on. Something pretty? Shit.

-Something pretty? -Too vague. I have no idea what I’m supposed to wear.

A dress! Something for the evening. A Line.

V Neck def

Show off what puberty gave ya (＾〃＾)

Chiffon with ruffle lace

And grey-blue

-Why?

To match my eyes <3

-Where in the world do you expect me to find that specific dress in the next few hours

Downstairs with hotel staff I had it dropped off <3 <3 <3

-That’s creepy

(つω`｡) </3 </3

-Enough with the hearts -How much? I’ll pay you back

It is a gift <3

-How’d you even know my size

A gentleman never reveals his secrets

┐(‘～` )┌

You sighed and set aside your phone to call down to the front desk. Sure enough, a few minutes later someone brought up a large white box, tied with a grey-blue ribbon. You set the package on the small counter in your room’s kitchen and opened the lid, brushing aside soft tissue paper.

The dress was ridiculously soft, made of fine, nearly translucent layers of chiffon. It was a lovely color, the sight making you suddenly think of the feeling in the air before a thunderstorm, the smell of rain. The ribbon matched.

You looked for a price tag and found none, but folded away at the bottom of the box was a hand written receipt. You paled at the figure displayed on it.

-Gojo, I can’t possibly accept this.

Don’t be stupid. No one would believe I was serious about a woman unless I was positively spoiling her rotten. s’not like it broke the bank!

-Forget the first-grade rec

-Pay my bills

Too late! Negotiations are closed :)

-So what the hell am I doing at this dinner?

Eating Duh and being seen with yours truly easy peasy right?

You sipped your coffee, keeping the mug well away from the dress. It was certainly nicer than anything you had ever owned in— well. Ever. It was hard to argue that there were clearly going to be some additional perks to this arrangement you hadn’t previously thought of.

Plus we gotta go over some ground rules

-Thought you said negotiations were closed

-This mean we can revisit my bills?

g2g

Students need me!

Ttyl babe

The ease in which that man showered you so soon with endearments was nauseating. Had he ever even had a girlfriend before? Or just those usual moon-eyed women who fawned and petted him?

And now everyone was gonna think you were one of those girls. You drank your coffee faster, relishing in the way it burned down your throat and overpowered the bad taste in your mouth.

“First-grade… first-grade. Remember the first-grade.”

And training. You’d squeeze every possible benefit from this arrangement out that you could. Sorcerers worked in teams, but at the end of the day, it was every man and woman for themselves.

Let them think what they want when you were seen tonight. You would come out on top.

***

The day passed quickly and you found yourself standing in front of the hotel mirror, twisting back and forth to get a feel for the movement of the dress— and half practicing staying upright in the heels that had arrived not even a moment later.

They were high enough to be appealing, but low enough to keep you from falling over on your face. Gojo had texted an explanation that he figured you were out of practice in wearing anything other than sneakers and combat boots and to consider them training wheels.

You’d wanted, once again, to punch him in the face.

The kind of girl he liked was a stilettos kinda girl, you guessed, huffing to yourself as you sat down and twirled one of your ankles, stretching the muscle. Even the low heels were not entirely comfortable, but you’d manage.

Checking your makeup one last time, you picked up your own worn purse and slung it over your shoulder. Women who wore these kind of dresses and came in on the arm’s of other men and women like Gojo never had anything more than the smallest clutch— but you weren’t those women.

You made your way down to the lobby and were surprised to find a chauffeur waiting outside with a very very sleek European car of some kind. You weren’t great about those kinds of things, only noting the seats were made with soft black leather and there was even a divider built in like in a limo to give the passengers privacy.

The chauffeur ushered you into the empty car and you sat back with a sigh as silently he delivered you to the next destination. You had, in some small place, hoped Gojo would already be present.

Why he felt the need for such spectacle was beyond you, but maybe this was what was expected of a clan family son when he courted a young woman. It felt— weird. Nice, but weird. The drive was not overly long, the car coming to stop.

You knew this restaurant. Some fancy French-Japanese fusion place that charged a hundred dollars for a single plate with a broiled pear covered in wasabi or some weird shit. Already you felt your stomach churning with anxiety and encroaching regret.

This was gonna suck.

This was gonna suck so bad.

The chauffeur opened the door and you barely managed not to wobble on the pavement. Feeling stilted and exposed as other guests and couples regarded you with open curiosity and veiled judgment.

Clearly they were used to seeing the same people come and go from this restaurant and you were not one of them.

You clutched your bag tighter to your arm, hand reaching inside instinctively to find your phone and text Gojo you were out. This was over. Find someone else— when your surname was shouted from the door.

All eyes turned as if in sync to Gojo, wearing simple trousers and a white shirt tucked in. He didn’t even have a tie or a jacket, his dark glasses obscuring his eyes even as he looked right at you.

A few people tsked their disapproval, but they may as well have been ghosts for all the attention Gojo paid them. When you didn’t immediately make your way over to him, Gojo shoved his hands into his pockets and strode over to meet you.

He grinned, the lowering of his chin and the slow rise back up an obvious indicator he was sizing you up and didn’t care if you knew.

He whistled.

“Ow, ow!”

“Shut it— you know this dress could cover my rent for half a year?! And these shoes! I could buy a used car with this ensemble.”

“You even drive?”

“Not the point.”

He laughed again, loud and careless.

“Figured since you were dawdling you might need an arm to lean on.” Gojo said, offering your his elbow without removing his hands from his pockets, “Or perhaps…”

He feigned a gasp, “Are you feeling shy?”

“I’m leaving.” you deadpanned, managing half a turn before his hand was on your waist, turning you back. He took your hand, the feeling of his palm on your side still burned into your skin as he hooked your arm in his own.

You allowed it, leaning on him only a little. He looked pleased, smugly so, as he led you inside and to a table that was already set for two.

There was a wine glass sitting by your own plate. The one by Gojo’s was turned upside down and set to the side… a can of soda sitting, bright and out of place, in its spot.

“… where did you even get that.”

“Vending machine.” Gojo said simply and even kicked your chair out a little for you to take a seat. How flattering.

“Wine is for you, if you want it. Figured it might help take the edge off.”

You rolled your eyes, not bothering to wait for the server to return and simply tipping the bottle of red into your own glass.

“What about you?”

“I don’t drink.” He said, cracking the tab on his soda with a loud pop. Several eyes filtered your way, whispers behind hands and napkins as Gojo all but drained the can in one gulp.

“So— ground rules?” you said, unfolding a cloth napkin and settling it in a half folded triangle across your lap the way you saw other women doing.

“Straight in, huh? Alright. Terms.” Gojo lifted one finger, “As already discussed, you and I will be ‘courting’— dating. Whatever the fuck. I’ll take care of arranging the dates, you show up, act sufficiently smitten and in about a year give or take, we break up.”

Gojo lifted a second finger, “Two. In exchange, I have two first grade sorcerers who will back your promotion. And, as requested—“ Gojo’s voice dropped a fraction, almost grumpily, “—you’ll come with me on my missions for your first semi-grade probation.”

“Now ground rules. At any point either of us wants out, it’s done. No questions asked. But don’t think that means you get to ditch and just keep that first grade appointment. I’ll make sure you end up right back at a grade two.”

You sipped your wine, giving your mouth something to do than form some very choice words at that moment. Gojo noticed, his smile almost a snarl, but the expression quickly vanished. You had a funny feeling trying to hoodwink or swindle him would end very poorly for anyone.

“And when you develop feelings for me—“

“If.” You amended quickly, but Gojo ignored you.

“—when you develop feelings for me. You have to tell me and again, the engagement is over. You can keep your rank. No harm no foul. I can hardly blame you for falling for me.” Gojo said with a wistful sigh. You were grateful for the arrival of the first course, forcing you both to fall silent for a moment until they departed.

You had no idea what was on the plate. Some kind of salad? It was hardly a mouthful. Gojo didn’t even touch his silverware and feeling less than impressed with the cuisine, you didn’t either.

You drank your wine.

“Barring sickness or injury you are required to appear for every date I set. Including the ones where you have to meet other members of the main family.”

You frowned, but didn’t object.

“Wait— what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Is the engagement off when you develop feelings for me?” You said lightly, trying to play off your smile as wistful.

Gojo scoffed, his reaction almost enough to hurt your feelings… just a little bit.

“Non-issue. I don’t do feelings.”

“God, you sound like a fuck boy.” The words came out before you could stop yourself, the last syllable off your tongue right at the moment the server had returned to reclaim your plates. An eyebrow was raised and you hid your face down with a flustered cough.

By the time you looked back up, you got the joy of seeing Gojo staring at you from over his glasses, a broad and deeply amused grin on his face.

“Not non-issue. If I get the feelings rule you get the feelings rule. End discussion.”

Gojo shrugged, again not touching the newest course which was, to your extreme annoyance, some kind of grilled pear.

“You should slow down.” He warned in a sing song voice as you poured another glass.

“I’m not a baby— okay. So we got terms, we got ground rules. Anything else?”

“You can’t refuse my gifts.”

Your eyes narrowed sharply and he simply smiled and hummed with a shrug.

“It’s for appearances! Oh. Speaking of appearances—“ Gojo sat up, fishing something from his back pocket and sitting it on the table. You stared at the simple black box, fearing a vein might burst in your forehead at any moment.

“What is that.” You stated more than asked.

“Open it.” Gojo said, his voice light and encouraging as he nudged the box closer, “Come on, open it. Open it. You know you wanna, sweetie, light of my life, fire of my lo—“

You snatched the box up if only to stop him from finishing that sentence.

You swallowed hard, the sounds of the room fading out as you flipped open the box and found, sitting upon a small satin pillow— a… key?

You lifted it from the box, noting it even had a little custom keychain made to look like a white cat with a tiny blindfold.

“It’s to my apartment!” Gojo announced with a giddy laugh, clasping his hands together in a way that was entirely un-adult like.

“… I have my own place. Thank you.”

“In Kyoto. This is here, in Tokyo. Where you will need to stay for this all to work, remember?”

“Where will you stay?” You asked dryly, vaguely hoping his answer would be something other than what it was no doubt going to be.

“Very funny. You’ll have your own room—if you want it.”

“Why—“ your voice nearly broke and you had to take a moment to clear it, “Why uh— why wouldn’t I be wanting my own room?”

“Feelings are off limits, naturally. But if you want to take me up again on that offer from back in the day…”

The surge of cursed energy that rippled off of you was so strong Gojo nearly toppled backwards, his laugh gaining a somewhat nervous lift to it if only for just a moment.

“I’ll have my own room. My own locked room.” You bit out, feeling your face flushing hot and hating every second Gojo seemed to be enjoying your utter mortification, “Unless that is a problem.”

“Nope. Not at all. Probably for the best ultimately, I’ve been told I have a bad habit of dickmatizing folks.”

“… I’m sorry, you what.”

“Dickmatizing! Ya know. Like hypnotizing but with—“

“I got it!” You groaned, pressing your face into your hand. When did it get so damn hot in here? You snatched up your wine glass and finished off the contents, feeling even hotter.

“Is that all?”

“Unless anything comes to your mind, then yep.” Gojo finished, ignoring yet another course. You were almost tempted. The dish was some kind of meat, but the sauce drenched over it smelt sharply of something bitter and sour at the same time. You stomach recoiled at the thought and yet rumbled in protest to its growing hunger.

“So what do you think?”

“You’re disgusting?” you said flatly.

“I meant about the deal.”

You glowered openly at him. It was going to take a lot of practice to turn that deprecating expression you felt naturally pull unto your face at his sight into something loving and tender… but for first-grade ranking? For lessons on your Limitless? Fuck. Fuck you’d do it.

You poured the remainder of the bottle into your glass and polished it off in one shot.

“I accept.”

Gojo clapped his hands together, “Excellent! Now let’s get the hell out of here.”

“Huh?” You barely managed to get the questioning sound out before Gojo was up and out of his chair. You scrambled up, head rushing with the wine and the weirdness of this entire conversation. By the time you managed to catch up with him, he snaked out his arm and wrapped it around your waist, pulling you flush and warm against his side.

You about threw him across the room, but your attempts at a grapple were thwarted by the sudden thrumming of the familiar Neutral Limitless ability, stalling your moments to such a small speed you felt suddenly frozen.

The impulse to toss him passed and instead you let him escort you outside where the car was still waiting.

“Take us to the place, ya know the one.” Gojo said to the driver and in a surprising show of gallantry, actually held the door open for you to get in first.

“And open the back window. If she throws up, I’d rather it be on the pavement.”

You elbowed him in the chest— accidentally of course.

***

The car drive was a bit longer, taking you away from the glitz and glamor of this side of Tokyo and to what looked arguably as one of the most hole-in-the-wall noodle joints you had ever seen. The street kitchen was small, the counter open outside with a few bar stools. The smells of teriyaki and spices and cooking oils were heavy in the air and made your mouth water.

Gojo perched on one of the stools and you came to sit alongside him, watching as he ripped open a set of chopsticks and rubbed the splinters off.

He ordered quickly—yakisoba and yakitori. Along with several packages of mochi they kept behind the counter in the same kinda plastic bags you’d find at a convenience store.

Gojo had been right— you should have slowed down. The world had a light haze to it… a slight tilting. His hand on your back felt massive and overly warm as he guided you back to sitting straight.

“Eat, ya lush.” He ordered, piling noodles and chicken unto a smaller empty plate for you from his own, “C’mon.”

Gojo popped one of the mochi bags and dumped the sticky sweet confection right on top of your yakisoba. You grimaced, picking the sweet off and trying to wipe some of the sauce from it before you took a generous bite.

The food was greasy and delicious and abundant and cheap and your mouth was in heaven. Even having not used your Limitless since yesterday, every taste still felt heightened. Maybe it was the way your cursed powers tried to compensate from the wine, but everything somehow was more delicious.

You attempted to snag another piece of yakitori from Gojo’s plate, only to have your chopsticks blocked with a clack.

“Ah ah ah— hands off.”

“What’s yours is mine, right?” You chided, only to be dodged again in a movement faster than your eyes could perceive. Did he just use his Limitless to counter you? Feeling emboldened, you activated your own, the faint pulse of the energy so close together giving you the sort of deflecting feeling one experiences when holding two sides of the same magnet near together.

Repelling, shifting. Trying to shove the energy into a way that the two forces would collide rather than deflect.

You were concentrating fully. The minuscule movements invisible to even your eyes, but the feeling was there. A sort of blindsight where you didn’t need the Six Eyes to tell you what was happening— but it would have definitely helped. You flicked a glance up and lost your control, your chopsticks shooting away and nearly cracking one in two.

Gojo chuckled. It was the expression on his face that had distracted you. His eyelids were half dropped, his smile soft as he readied himself to deflect you again. Your energy was no match for his… but it matched. It was made of the same stuff. Controlled the same way. He could see, with the sharp clarity of his Six Eyes, every tiny precise movement you made with your cursed energy. A mirror of his own abilities in miniature.

He was playing with you. And all the sudden you felt as if a small knot in your chest had shaken free, the coil coming undone.

Was there anyone else on this Earth you could do such a thing with?

Feeling strange and suddenly shy, you drew your energy back in and refocused on eating from your own plate, grumbling at your loss.

A second later, Gojo’s chopsticks moved over your plate, dropping another helping of noodles in.

A small concession. A victory in it's own right, even if it had not won the yakitori.

“Sober up, will ya? But don’t eat too fast. I’m not cleaning up vomit, no way, no how.”

“You’re always so vulgar.” you murmured, speaking around a mouthful of noodles and mochi. Gojo turned and stuck his tongue out at you. A confirmation or a reprisal, you couldn’t be sure.

But regardless, it did something to you he had never managed to do before.

It made you laugh.

[mimiswitchywrites]

Not A Burden: Chapter 10

TW: SH references, attempted s****de and references, child/s***al a**se references (not graphic but enough that could be triggering).

period typical h***ph*bia

Master list or read on AO3

2.7k words

I refuse to proof read this chapter after spending four days on it so apologies for the inevitable errors you'll find.

If you want to be added to my taglist, message me or comment!

-----------

Gwen liked to think that, after serving families from a young age, she was hard to surprise. That was, of course, until the enigma that was Miriam showed up. The girl, the woman was just so… SO. She was so pretty, so smart, so kind, so funny and so right for Gwen.

And Gwen, foolishly, thought Miri felt the same way. When she had admitted she was glad Merlin had interrupted her and Lancelot, her heart soared. The face Miriam had made upon hearing Gwen and Lancelot had once had relations practically confirmed that, her body draped in loving warmth.

But it was quickly shoved into the depths of ice as Miriam said those scathing words: “something so vile.” Was that truly what she thought? Was she pretending? Maybe so Gwen wouldn’t get the wrong idea and think she had a chance with the beautiful girl? It felt like Morgana all over again – she had found someone that she felt truly comfortable with and they ran off, leaving her to pick up the pieces of her broken soul alone.

But still, Gwen plastered on the servants smile that she had mastered over the years, and made her way about her duties, pretending everything was fine. Because everything was fine. It wasn’t like anything had happened or ever would happen and sure, Gwen had had a momentary lapse in judgement where she thought she could be truly happy with someone, but she would use this as a learning opportunity and would file it away as something to never allow to happen again. And if a tear slipped from her glassy eyes, well, good thing there was no one around to notice.

She breathed a sigh of relief upon finding Elyan’s note on the table: “I shall be spending the night with Gwaine, hopefully talking some sense into him. See you tomorrow dear sister, be well.” She loved him but the idea of explaining why she was in such a state was not something she favoured.

She sat on the creaky stool with a huff, pulling her shawl tighter around her shoulders, face burrowing into the fabric as if it were hugging her. At least something was. She stayed that way until the sun set, rocking back and forth very gently.

It was the way Miriam had said it that bothered her the most. She seemed to genuinely believe that a woman laying with another woman was disgusting, maybe even worth condemning by the god’s around them, and yet she was the one that suggested it. Why would she think of such things if she hated them? And yet, she had said that she had had a long day in the kitchens so maybe it was as she had said and she was just tired.

Gwen stood, pacing the length of her small hut.

She felt the need to apologise. To assure the girl that she had done no wrong and that it was Gwen that should have held her tongue. She probably shouldn’t have shared that she had been with Lancelot – especially not sharing a little of their more intimate relations – but there was something in her that told her it needed to be said. Maybe she wanted to put Miri off him. Was that selfish? Yes. And yet, it felt so right. There was a hint of relief in Miriam’s eyes, as if she was glad to have a reason to reject him.

Her heart fluttered again; Gwen pinched herself to force it to calm. She had no right seeing that as an opening for herself. What if Miri was uncomfortable with the situation with Lancelot? He was an honourable man, and he would back off immediately if he saw any sign of discomfort, but he was also passionate and that blinded him at times. Was it up to Gwen to step in? She should talk to Miriam. Yes, just to make sure that she understood where her courting could lead.

Gwen stopped in front of the wash bowl, splashing the chilled water on her face and neck. The cold was refreshing on her boiling skin – complicated emotions always made her warm. She took a moment to watch out the window and look up at the castle. She loved the way the candles flickered in the stained-glass window, creating beautiful colourful blobs that flittered about with the gentle breeze that would inevitably get into each room. The whole citadel was quiet tonight, as if giving Gwen peace to think. She hated it.

With yet another sigh, she forced herself to light the fire and heat the soup from the previous night. She hummed as she worked, determined to keep her thoughts in check with songs of Bears and Maidens.

As night set in, belly now full, Gwen prepared herself for bed. Her mind once again circled back to the beautiful girl as she put on her sleeping gown. She knew from the moment she saw Miri that there was something there, something that she was drawn to. She had to give her something, some reason to talk more, and so she had volunteered up a few old gowns for the girl to wear (Gwen did her best to ignore the image of the bloody dress in the bucket, soaking, as she recalled her first memory with her) and it had worked – they had spoken gently almost every day since then.

And now, Gwen thought, we may never again.

With that, Gwen curled up in a ball, pulling the itchy blanket over her head, and fell into a restless sleep.

--

When she woke, eyes caked shut with dried tears, Gwen made a plan. Sure, she felt like she was wearing a shops worth of armour – heart too heavy for her to move properly – but she was nothing if not efficient and a do-er and so her mind set to work.

Miriam was a good person, she had a pure soul – Gwen was sure of it – and so, saying something as… horrible as that must have been a lie. She was new to Camelot, brain in loops from her night in the woods and so she must not know the cities views on such relationships. Although, as she thought about it, Gwen realised that there wasn’t really much to prove Camelot had positive views on such things. There was Merlin and Arthur, of course, but not everyone saw them as she could and so why would someone new assume they would be okay with it? Maybe Gwen could talk to them, get them to tell Miri of their thoughts on the matter and prove her wrong? Show her that it wasn’t shameful and that such things were allowed to be talked about here?

And then what? It was foolish of Gwen to get her hopes up, to think that sharing this would make Miri like her. Like her.

Once again, Gwen’s heart fell.

As she looked in the mirror, tightening her floral corset that people always complimented her on, she imagined Miriam stood next to her. She could see the girl’s dark black hair cascading down her back, their eyes level – Miri was barely taller than Gwen – and they were smiling at each other. Gwen had noticed through stolen glances, that Miriam had three main ways of smiling. The first was her most frequent one: when she pretended she was doing well for people, such as Gaius who would question her on her emotional wellbeing daily. She could see the way it exhausted her to plaster such a look – ends of her mouth curled upwards – but she understood why she did such things. To admit her true feelings (Gwen didn’t pretend to know what they were, just that they were unlikely to be positive) would lead to her being stuck in the physicians chambers for longer, she wouldn’t be able to work in the kitchens and Gwen could tell that brought her true joy.

The smile she saw after meeting the girl the day before was the best smile she had seen in all her twenty-something years. Her eyes practically sparkled, singing her hearts joy, and the apples of her cheeks were full. She was light in her step, as if floating with happiness. The feeling was infectious.

The third smile was the one solely reserved for Gwen. It was the one she saw in the corner of her eye when busy, pottering around the room and clearing up after Gaius. She would pretend to be occupied, just so she could catch glimpses of it. She may not know why Miriam smiled like that, just for her, or why her cheeks glowed red each time she was caught looking, but she did know that it did wonderful things to the butterflies residing in her stomach.

That was the smile she imagined now, looking at the faux reflection of the girl next to her.

She sighed, pulling on her shawl.

--

By the time she had finished work that day, doing little jobs for whoever needed a helping hand, the sun was hiding behind the woods. She popped her head into Gaius’ chambers, asking where Miriam’s quarters were, before slowly setting off towards the servants’ lodgings. She was glad to have never needed to sleep within the castle – she found that living in the lower town, no matter how many drunkards would wake her with their shouts outside, created a much-needed gap between work and home life. They were kept well, there were plenty of people proficient at cleaning in this area of the castle, but Gwen noticed how much colder the stone felt without the fires being kept alight as they were in the parts of the castle that high born’s inhabited.

Gwen slowed her pace further as the end of the corridor came into view. Gaius said Miriam was in the room one from the end, on the left. She played over what she wanted to say, trying to form some sort of structure to the conversation but falling short. You should talk to Merlin and Arthur and Camelot is a kind Kingdom with accepting inhabitants and even if you do truly think people like that are vile, I cannot agree with you and I hope you accept that. She was less sure on that last point. It didn’t feel as if Miriam would think that but what if she did? Would Gwen even wish to stay friends with someone like that? Would it be safe for Merlin and Arthur to be friend with someone like that? She wasn’t so sure Arthur counted as her friend – she had heard conflicting reports on his thoughts towards the girl – but Merlin would definitely be affected by views such as that.

She stopped, the door within reach now. Her heart was racing, mind spinning. Despite trying to organise her thoughts for an entire day and night now, she was no closer to knowing what to say, not properly. How does one even broach the subject? She had to also be careful of the girls mental state – it was clear she did not want people walking on hot coals around her, but she couldn’t allow herself to be angry at the girl for what that could do.

She took a deep breath and listened, trying to ground herself.

There were voices inside. Although muffled, Gwen could make out the distinct, beautiful, melody of Miriam and, listening closer, Merlin.

Merlin. That was good. Maybe, if she knocked now, he could stay. That way, she would have someone to back her up that she knew would agree. Having him, she selfishly thought, also meant she wouldn’t have to bring her own feelings into the mix. She wouldn’t have to mention Morgana if someone that felt towards those of the same sex as was expected of the opposite was there.

She took a final breath of fresh air, pushing away the thoughts telling her to run and hide under her blanket.

She knocked.

And then again, just to be sure they would hear.

“Hello?” It was Miriam and, Gwen noticed, her voice was off – as if she were upset. That did not bode well.

“Miri?” She called, anxiety flowing through her whole body, “Can we talk?”

There was a pause and Gwen almost considered leaving, apologising for the interruption, and packing a bag. Maybe she could visit Ealdor and stay with Merlin’s mother for some time. Cleaning pig pens sounded far better than this—

The door opened and there she stood; eye’s glassy but still smiling hesitantly at Gwen. How did she still look so perfect when upset? Gwen’s nerves fluttered once again but, with a heavy swallow, she began, “Hi.” Her voice was quiet, but it brought Miri’s lips up more, evolving into that smile.

“Hi.”

“Hello Gwen.” Came Merlin’s voice from inside the room. Miriam opened the door up further, allowing Gwen to peer into the chamber. It was small – smaller than Gwen’s room – but, judging by the one bed, it was all for Miriam which was a rare occurrence from what Gwen understood. Miri stepped back, gesturing for Gwen to come in.

“Are you alright?” Miriam asked, face softening in concern as she noticed the way Gwen was wringing her hands with worry. She nodded, once again trying to form the introduction to the conversation.

“I wanted to talk. About yesterday. And my thoughts on that.” Gwen caught the way Merlin and Miriam’s eyes locked – clearly, he was aware of the situation which would make asking him to stay a lot easier, hopefully. “You can stay, Merlin.” She turned to him, eyes practically pleading. He nodded, sitting on the seat behind him.

Miriam sat on her bed (which creaked in protest) and patted the space next to her. With yet another deep breath, Gwen gathered her dress and sat – keeping a bit of distance between them.

“I’m sorry—”

“I don’t understand—” They started at the same time, breaking off with nervous giggles, heat rising in each of their cheeks. Merlin’s eyes darted between the two.

Gwen nodded for Miriam to start.

She took a second, eye’s tracing the serving girls soft features, and began, “I am sorry for how I reacted yesterday. I shouldn’t have said such things – both suggesting you should… consider other options, and for saying it is an unnatural passion.” She picked at her nail, stopping before it bled. “I should have kept quiet, I have no right to interfere in your personal life, and I most certainly shouldn’t have said anything about exploring it like that.”

Gwen’s stomach dropped. Did she still think it was wrong? Why must the girl be such an enigma?

“I can’t wrap my head around you. You are such a kind, pure hearted woman – I am sure of it – and yet you seem to truly be disgusted by the idea of woman laying with woman and man with man. Why is this so wrong? Is it not part of life to be pleasured? If one finds the person that fulfils that part of them, should they turn them away purely for how they were born?” Out the corner of her eye, Gwen noticed Merlin bite his lip and look down at his hands. She had no intention of raising her voice, but she was just so confused, and she needed answers.

“That’s not it, I just, I –” Miriam stood, wrapping her arms tight around her waist and pacing, “I am sorry that I am not the kind of person you thought I was.” Her face was dark, eyes blank and brows pulled tight. Merlin was looking at her with a curious expression, head tilted to the side as if that wasn’t what he had expected her to say either.

“Oh.” Gwen couldn’t form any other words, world busy crashing down around her. She was so sure that Miriam was a good person. That she was just putting up a front. That she meant something with the soft touches of her shoulder and back. That she did actually have a smile reserved just for Gwen, and that the blush meant something more.

But maybe Gwen was wrong: she clearly had been with Morgana.

“Well, I am sorry to have bothered you. Goodnight Merlin.” Her voice cracked but she kept her head high, taking her leave. Her hands shook – whether with anger or sadness, she couldn’t be sure – and so she balled her fists as she made the long walk home.

[killanyone4you]

dont send me numbers i’m just gonna answer them all

1. Would you have sex with the last person you messaged?

yup.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

no def have not.

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

yes

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

no. i need to feel trust to feel safe but i dont really have a hard time trusting people.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

no. haven’t hung out with anyone recently. sorta trapped alone.

6. What are you excited for?

um. getting my meds tomorrow? im boring af.

7. What happened tonight?

movies, snacks, cat snuggles.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

no. i think this question is kinda disgusting.

9. Is confidence cute?

very.

10. What is the last beverage you had?

water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

2 maybe 3

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

a few.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

it is saturday night. over here gettin wild. movies, snacks. cat cuddles.

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

meds. food.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

probably. i dunno.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

uhh. i tend to blurt out all my fucked up shit to basically anyone so i’m not sure it matters.

18. The last time you felt broken?

always yall.

19. Have you had sex today?

with myself. twice

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

i’m not where i thought i was and i need to get the fuck out as soon as possible.

21. Are you in a good mood?

im fine.

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

not really

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

not exactly. i do have my dads eyes, they look exactly like his, but his are pale blue and mine are grey.

24. What do you want right this second?

snuggles. kisses. affection.

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

typical.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

nooo

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

lol no. and neither could anyone else the fuck

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

a boy

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

yes very much.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

hard no.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

no

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

i dont really know how i feel about anything right now, so i have no clue bruh

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

not at all

34. Listening to?

why are you here

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

when i need to write and i have a pencil.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? 

no

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

noo

38. Who did you last call?

my boss

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

a coworker i think. just being silly.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

they kissed me. i guess it was a good moment.

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

it’s been a minute.

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

CORONAVIRUS

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

constantly. every day. just existing when i have a crush is embarrassing

44. Do you tan in the nude?

i dont tan im white like a pasty ass ghost. but less cute than that sounds.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

maybe.

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

i did.

47. Who was the last person to call you?

my mom i think. or maybe my grandma

48. Do you sing in the shower?

sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?

always

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

no. that would be a fucking disaster

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

whenever my last school photo was.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

yes, but that doesn’t mean i dont also love them

53. Is Christmas stressful?

yes. but that doesn’t mean i dont also love it.

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

yes

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

cherry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

i wanted to be a lawyer and a teacher

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

nope

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

all the fucking time man

59. Take a vitamin daily?

sometimes.

60. Wear slippers?

sometimes

61. Wear a bath robe?

nope.

62. What do you wear to bed?

anything. usually a tshirt or tank top and undies or shorts.

63. First concert?

well apparently i was conceived at a John Mellencamp concert. but it was Backstreet Boys lol. my dad mixes sound for live shows and got tickets to a sold out show the day off and surprised me with them. im pretty sure i was in second or third grade, it was great

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

walmart and target.

65. Nike or Adidas?

neither.

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

cheetos.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

ew.

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

this is tough. i actually love Taylor Swift. i guess i’ll say Gorgeous

69. Ever take dance lessons?

noooooooo

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

no. not really.

71. Can you curl your tongue?

yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

no sir i suck at spelling

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yes.

74. What is your favorite book?

this is hard. i love a lot of books. probably Ella Enchanted

75. Do you study better with or without music?

oh god i dont study well at all.

76. Regularly burn incense?

no.

77. Ever been in love?

i dont really know to be honest. i want to say yes but like. i dont fucking know anything.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

i’d like to see the used again. i’ve only seen them once and it was a festival set so it was kinda short. and i’d REALLY love to see something corporate but that isn’t possible so Andrew McMahon in any form would be nice.

79. What was the last concert you saw?

the used.

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

cold tea

81. Tea or coffee?

iced coffee.

82. Favorite type of cookie? 

my families christmas cookies

83. Can you swim well?

pretty well.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

can some people not do that?

85. Are you patient?

no. not even a little tiny bit.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

i dont go to weddings

87. Ever won a contest?

uh. none come to mind.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

no.

89. Which are better black or green olives?

no olives are good and if you disagree you’re wrong thank you.

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

im a fan

91. Best room for a fireplace?

any room really.

92. Do you want to get married

no. i hope i change my mind,

[fmlfpl]

Happy New Year Lineup Lamentations - GW21

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Team seems reasonable enough for this GW and don't really see a straight swap that is great for me to do.

I have a few things in mind with two frees next GW to do so saving feels pretty responsible to me. Get another gameweeks worth of info and maybe do a -4 triple move next looks likely.

GK:

Schmeichel (new)

Woodman has been an able servant for me recently since I began to start him and I see no reason to change that now.

Schmikes is a cuck so I'm happy to bench him for the rest of the season / for however much longer I own the fuck.

DEF:

Pereira (new)

If Ricardo doesn't get me points tomorrow I'll be beside myself. He's hung 4 points in my team over the 5 gameweeks since I purchased him and is looking like my worst transfer in of the season to date...which is really fucking hard since there is a ton - and I mean a ton - of competition for that honor.

I really want to keep patient with him since they have a good run of games right now but he's pretty expensive. Perhaps I'll stick with double Leic defense and downshift him to one of the other guys to free up money...uncertain...we'll see.

Alexander-Arnold (SHU)

Trent still in there as he has been since GW1 for me. Nothing to say about him. Not worried about him starting - feel like Kloppo will go strong again and then give the first team a long break.

Kelly (nor)

Kelly jesus christ been back to making me want to kill myself again lately...but I think a clean is once again a reasonable shout for us. We'll park at Norwich which they probably haven't really faced once all season?

Hard to imagine them being able to break us down. That is to say if they are required to - Kelly assist to Pukki is always on.

Rico (whu)

Lastly is Rico. Hoping for 1 point..expecting 0.

MID:

Salah (SHU)

Mo been absurd in the underlying stat category and absurdly shit in the actual fpl point category. He stays.

Martial (ars)

Tony M glove merchant has been doing good things recently and feels like a very good hold for as long as he's fit. Could die any day goes without saying but tip of the spear and looking good feeling good.

Also no coincidence that his uptick in performances has come with an uptick in glove wearing with short sleeves. Get in there Tone.

De Bruyne (EVE)

Last guy is Kevin. Good Kevining.

FWD:

Agüero (EVE)

Kun came in with a cap goal for me last GW and it was a really nice feeling. No clue if he starts tomorrow...and for that reason..I'm not capping him.

Vardy (new)

Vardz back off his rest picks himself whatever we are all playing this game with 10 men and have been for a month or so now.

Maupay (CHE)

Lastly is Neal. Fucking Neal been doing my head in.

Hopefully he has a good performance against Chelsea and they have gr0b back and shit and they can create a bit more than they did last game. Really dunno about Neal. Have been fawning over him from a distance for a long long while but now that he's in there is just something that does not fill me with confidence even though he should probablyyyy tick along well in this medium-long term good fixture run for his price.

Come on Neal let's go Neal.

CAP:

Vardy (new)

Vardz for me.

Played around with some perversity but the final check with the wife confirmed Vardy. Wife says "I've never heard you say Vardy disappointed me but I've heard you say Mo disappointed me many times"...not wrong wife of mine....not wrong.

Realistically all the points echoed on the pod still ring true to me. Not getting a huge urge to go elsewhere and I think that it's lopsided enough in Vardy's favor compared to the others to keep me on him. glhf.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Off of the biggest red arrow of my season (life?) ushering in my worst rank of the season (life?) I’m just saving because I can’t find a punt who is worth it and my lineup and my depth are both fine.

Will I just plunge into a deeper and darker hole? Yeah I suspect I probably will... My team sucks outside of the guys who everyone owns. I see very few margins where I’d be gaining on the field even at my monstrous ranking so I’ll just take another one on the chin and reassess next week I guess...

If I end up wildcarding for next GW then I’ll regret saving my transfer this week but if I don’t end up wildcarding then this is definitely the right move to try and yank my team out of the hellhole where it currently resides.

GK:

Ryan (CHE)

I got him because of the saves and the bonus points and he hasn’t gotten a single bap since GW12 so that’s all going perfectly according to plan.

Was cool and a little bit confusing to see a “6″ in my GK slot last week and well I’m over the confusion part and I’m ready to see points come in again.

Fuck Chelsea come on Mat.

DEF:

van Dijk (SHU)

Sheff U are tough man. They out xG’d City just a couple days ago which is a thing that never ever happens.

I’m sure they’ll manufacture at least a couple of decent chances just gotta hope that the CBs and the GK keep playing at this elite high level and then it should be a clean.

Söyüncü (new)

I expect Leicester to go back to being tight and no better place to kick it off then the least progressive team in the division.

Kelly (nor)

I don’t support Palace so I don’t directly feel the pain and anguish that Walsh does when Kelly does something really stupid and really bad to lose the clean, although it is annoying.

I still feel fine with him in general and content with Palace’s ability to park and yeah in good fixtures he’s still a good guy to have in there for me.

MID:

Salah (SHU)

If you build it, points will come.

Maddison (new)

Feeling really good about Maddo for these next four.

Might yo-yo him in and out GW25-GW27 with three hard fixtures in a row and then bring him right back for the good run following it.

It seems like in the tough ones Leicester play too conservatively and have a very hard time threatening goal.

De Bruyne (EVE)

Good guy. I hope Bilva keeps starting in that sorta deeper #8 role and Dilva doesn’t come straight back in. That’d be best for Kev.

Cantwell (CRY)

Rolling with that BTE - Big Todd Energy - into the new year.

Hoping his ~1.5 shots per 90 are good chances and go into the back of the net.

FWD:

Kane (sou)

Don’t like this one for Kane but who knows; Spurs are so hard to predict.

Soton has been playing well lately and they don’t concede much. The press looks good the team looks good and all of a sudden it’s sorta hard to imagine them getting relegated.

Hoping Mou goes for some guys who can pass in the midfield because that’d be a nice thing for Harry. And maybe he’ll draw another penno... Seems very possible with the nut-jobs Cedric/Bednarek/Stephens/Berty.

Vardy (new)

Whatevs, boring.

Jiménez (wat)

New guy didn’t get a start last week so hopefully this is when he begins ticking and being a friend of mine for the rest of the season... Fully expecting his returns to fall of a cliff beginning this GW.

CAP:

Vardy (new)

I wanted, desperately, to find someone else who seems reasonable to cap for me but I just couldn’t find anything. A lot of bad matchups and bad teams and Vardy and Leicester playing Newcastle off of a rest it’s just too good. It’s automatic.

So we’re all playing without a captain this week and that’ll somehow go very badly for me, not sure how yet, but it will.

Happy New Year fuckers.

—

NOT RANDOM SLACKER OF THE WEEK: desertbug

The words of Random Slacker are not officially endorsed by this website nor any employees of FML FPL LLC.

TRANSFERS:

Well, Happy New Year everybody, and may the points flow freely.  At least for us... who cares about the rest of the world playing this game, right?

Not sure I covered myself in glory with my prior stab at Guest Lambs but I'm going to put that on Emery's misuse of Aubz, rather than anything that I actually had wrong, right?

But how did we let him go without marveling that his full name was Unai Emery Etxegoien?  No wonder he was always confused out there, he was probably still trying to figure out how to pronounce his own name.

Anyway, here we go...

OUT: Maddison

IN: Martial

I know it may be a matter of not giving Maddison enough of a chance, since I just brought him in a few weeks ago and his underperformance came in Leic's toughest fixtures of the year, but: A) I was feeling really bad about not having a pair of gloves for the winter, and B) I was feeling really bad about not having anybody to reap points from this week against Arsenal's misguided ineptitude of a defense.

United still seem to do poorly against teams who park a defensive bus, but Arsenal is totally incapable of doing such and won't dare to do so at home with new manager against big name opponent.  Knives out, Tony, get me some points.

Oh yeah, and making the move also because C) I really just dislike Maddison and I think he's overrated.  He hasn't delivered against a quality defense since GW11 vs Palace and since then, he had a goal at home vs Arsenal, a goal at home vs Watford, and two assists at Villa.  Apart from that, six blanks vs bha, EVE, NOR, mci, LIV and whu.  Don't know why I got him in the first place, but new year, new midfielder.

GK:

Henderson (liv)

Not great at all, but maybe some saves.  I know we've been banging on about how keeper moves are a waste, but Pope to Hendo back for GW16 has been OK for me, net +7 since the change.  No options for me though, since my other keeper is plying his trade in Swansea.

DEF:

ALPHABET CITY -- TAA/VVD (SHU)

Alphabet soup combo of Trent and Virgil looks like tasty meal for some time now.  Mmm mmm good.  

Söyüncü (new)

Need Foxes to get their defensive capabilities straightened out again and a match with the third-lowest scoring team in the EPL might be the thing to get happy against after the woodchipper that Leicester just went through.

MID:

De Bruyne (EVE)

For my Everton boys' sake, I hope the damage is fairly limited, because Kev points are almost meaningless anymore, what with him being in 50% of teams. Don't really see him as being a huge cap shout, so probably just meaningless points.

Mane (SHU) 

Wary that he could rest at any time, and Liverpool does have a derb with Everton coming up on Sunday, but he's certainly not going to be any place other than in my starting eleven for tomorrow.  Probably a good reason not to cap him though.

Alli (sot)

Spurs certainly shat the bed at Norwich last GW, and may still be misfiring this week without Kicky McKickerSUON in the lineup, but Soton are dire, and even Dier might put up points against them.

As above with Mane, Alli an autostart while healthy.

Martial (ars)

Get in there, new boy, and show me some points against that Arsenal defense.  Wouldn't be a crazy cap shout, but not the smartest move, either.

Cantwell (CRY)

Todd is well rested, and my only real roster choice to be made came down to playing him or playing Kelly.  Just going to stick to basics and start the attacker at home, here.

FWD:

Vardy (new)

Well-rested after being off last GW on new-baby duty, Vardz strikes me as the kinda guy who would much rather be out there terrorizing whatever kind of makeshift injury-addled defense Steve Bruce is able to throw together than being at home with his new babyspawn.

Steve Bruce still doesn't know if he's on a ship or a chicken farm.

Abraham (bha)

May well be Tamela's last chance in my lineup, so he'd better get out there and do something with it.  I appreciate the goal he gave me this last GW, but Chelsea still seem rather diabolical and I'm perfectly comfortable going without him for a bit if that's the way it goes.

If I had any inkling that OGS might realize that Greenwood is actually really good and should be starting, I'd love to stick him in as a starter in place of Tammy, but that would require OGS to actually be smart and I don't think that was under his Christmas tree.

CAP:

Vardy (new)

Game theory out the window.

Owned by 51% and even without that, seems like the best of my options for this week.  Don't feel like this is the GW to be either brave OR stupid.  Won't gain ground by capping and I'd expect that if he flops, we all flop together and I won't lose much ground either.

[surveysonfleek]

409.

Has the power ever went out in your area when it wasn’t even storming? What was the cause of the power going out? hmm our power hasn’t gone out in forever, but it’s went out because it was too hot before.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? i have to have all lights out.

Do you ever get scared of the dark? Under what circumstances do you feel afraid in darkness? only scared of the dark if i’m somewhere i’m not familiar with.

Who was the last person that lied to you, or that you can recall lying to you? What did they lie about? How did you find out they were lying? hmm not sure.

Do you know anyone that says they don’t lie, ever? How do you feel about this? no one has ever said that to me.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? definitely bek. it wasn’t over something huge but i know to not share personal stuff with her.

How do you feel about forgiving and forgetting? i like to hold a grudge so it’s a bit hard for me.

Is there anyone in your life who hasn’t forgiven you for something? Do you feel they are justified, or do you think they just need to let it go already? nope.

The last thing you broke, was it an accident or did you purposely break it? definitely an accident.

Do you ever break things for no apparent reason? no.

Do you ever use the term “smashed” to describe someone as being very drunk? ye.

What do you think of mosh pits? i can’t do it. i hate them.

Is there ever a time when you don’t like being alone? sometimes.

What do you think makes a person ugly, physically? not sure, their features not working well together? tbh i don’t usually think anyone’s ugly until i see their behaviour.

What do you think makes a person ugly, personality-wise? arrogant and rude for the most part.

Has anyone ever called you ugly, straight up, before? How did you react to this? i think so. this woman was hurling a lot of random abuse at me at the mall so i was obviously just standing up for myself lol. 

Who is the most stubborn person you know (excluding yourself)? my mother.

Do you think there is a difference between being stubborn and being closed-minded? Why or why not? yeah there’s a difference. 

Can you describe one thing that you love about your life? i’m alive i guess.

Can you describe one thing that you don’t particularly like about your life? not really sure about how my future is panning out.

What are some things you hope to do before you die? travel more, get married, have a family.

Do you like your name, or the meaning behind your name? happy with my name, the meaning of it is the total opposite of me though.

If you were able to change your name right now, would you? no.

Would you rather change your first name, middle name, or last name? neither.

What is one thing that is really getting on your nerves, even just in general? just plain rudeness in general. idk how some people can be so rude, like are you having a bad day or were you just not raised properly?

What was the last fight you got into about? traveling lol.

Who did you last fight with? Was it a family member? nah my boyfriend.

Do you feel stronger now than you were a year ago? i feel the exact same.

What is one thing that has made you feel stronger recently? nothing.

Do you post to say happy birthday on other people’s walls? yeah, sometimes.

Have there ever been floods where you live? nope.

What is your favorite type of juice? orange. with pulp.

Whose birthday did you last celebrate? hmm, i have no idea actually!

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? no.

What is the middle name of the last person you texted? jc.

How far do you live from the ocean? about an hour.

What was the last magazine you read? national geographic.

Do you wear hoop earrings or studs more? hoops.

Are you allowed to wear high heels? lol why wouldn’t i be allowed?

Turn on the TV what channel are you on? no thanks.

How many people live with you? two.

Have you had your 17th birthday? yup.

Does your birthdate occur after the 15th of your birth month? no.

Do you wear eyeliner on a regular basis? no.

Do you know your blood type? nope, even my mum doesn’t know lol.

What is your mom’s middle name? she doesn’t have one.

What was the last thing you had to drink? water.

Have you had your wisdom teeth out? no.

Your appendix? no.

Do you sleep on the floor when you’re sick? umm hell no.

Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? yes.

Do you know anyone in the Air National Guard? no.

When did you/will you graduate high school? i graduated years ago.

Do any of your good friends have children? yes.

What did you do for your last birthday? went to brisbane.

How many times does the letter ‘n’ occur in your full name? twice.

How many days from now is it to Wednesday? three.

Have you ever got sick on a theme-park ride? yes, i just felt sick, i didn’t throw up or anything.

Do you bite your nails? no.

Do you have a birthmark? If so, is it embarrassing? yeah and no. it’s a small mark on my side.

Do you still live in the same place you lived in 10 years ago? yes.

How old are you? 26.

So that means your birthday is…? dec 5.

Have you had sex lately? yes.

When should a couple have sex? when they’re in love and ready.

Does your mommy still do your laundry? sometimes.

Are foreign exchange students weird? no.

What do you find attractive? a variety of things.

Do you still watch cartoons? not really.

Do you want in someone’s pants right now? sure.

Have you had sex on your bed? yes.

What’s so funny about the #69? nothing. 12yo’s think that’s funny.

What do you think of your principal? i don’t have one nor do i even remember the one i had lol.

Have you ever been cheated on? no.

Would you ever cheat on your significant other? no.

Do you think cheesy pickup lines are silly? i guess.

Have you ever had stitches? apparently so.

Have you taken a shower in the last 24 hours? yes.

Are you wearing a sweatshirt? no.

Are you sad? no.

Who was the first male you talked to today? my boyfriend.

Let’s be honest, have you ever been played by someone? probably.

Did you eat breakfast today? yes.

Do you feel well? i’m okay. i’ve been tired all day for no reason.

Are you tired? yes.

Do you think you are a hick? i’m def not.

How many windows do you have in your room? one big one.

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? a bit of both.

Have you ever had a stalker? no.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? depends how big the bed is. probably alone though.

When was the last time something bothered you? now.

Where are your biological parents? both at home.

What did you last drink? water.

When was the last time you got a haircut? maybe two months ago?

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? yes.

Do you have a brother? no.

Do you do your own laundry? sometimes.

If it was free and it would work would you get plastic surgery? no.

Is the opposite sex really worth it to you? depends on the person.

Do you believe that all girls are the same? no.

If you were to die today would your life be complete? nope.

Have any stalkers? no.

Did you speak to your father today? no.

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? an hour ago.

How did you wake up this morning? i was woken up coz pest control was here.

What are you excited about? this thursday!

Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now? yeah.

Do you know your mother’s birthday? of course i do.

Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000? haha possibly.

How do you feel about the person who texted you last? i love them.

Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? yes.

Do you know anybody whose last name is a color? yes.

What hoodie did you wear last? my gap one.

How many pairs of Converse do you own? one.

Have you ever liked someone who treated you super shitty? no.

What are you wearing on your feet? nothing.

Honestly, do you really love the last person you said ‘I love you’ to? yes.

Do you believe in God? idk.

What’s the last movie you watched? idk.

Do you shower daily? yes.

Can you dance? aha no.

Does anyone call you babe? yes.

I’m guessing you’re single? nope.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? from h&m.

What color are your eyes? brown.

What are your plans for this weekend? this weekend is overrrr.

What are you doing tomorrow? working.

What are you wearing right now? a tee and my undies.

Do you wear make up? yes.

Have you ever slept for more than 12 hours? not straight. i’d have to pee at some point.

What is your favorite color? pink and turquoise.

Have you got your period at the moment? no just finished.

Have you ever been pregnant? no.

Have you ever had someone punch you in the face? no.

Have you ever punched somebody else in the face? no.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? two.

If you could rewind 5 years, or skip 5 years, what would you do? neither.

What are the chances of you doing something exciting tonight? 0% unless i plan it myself. i’m too lazy though.

Have you ever had a near death experience? no.

Have you ever been to another state in your country? yes.

Would you ever elope? not sure. i think my boyfriend wants a wedding. i couldn’t care less.

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? yes.

When you have lint on your clothes, do you get it all off or just leave it there? get it off.

Have you ever experienced really bad turbulence on a plane? i have actually. but i was half asleep.

When you’re upset, does venting your feelings help at all? sometimes. sleeping it off usually helps more though.

Does heat seem to drain you of your energy? yes.

What does your newest text say? ugh too long to type.

Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most? no one has hurt me that badly.

Do you think $30 for a pair of jeans is cheap? yes.

Does your last ex have a job? yes.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now? nope.

How do you flush the toilet in public? with my hand? i’ll always wash my hands after so it doesn’t matter.

What would you do if it snowed right now? film it coz that’s impossible over here.

Do you like it when people touch your hair? no.

What do you want to be when you grow up? idk yet :(

What is the longest crush/relationship you have had? it’s been 8+ years and counting.

How many letters long is your last name? eight.

Do you like the smell of a barbecue or bonfire? yup.

Who are you texting? just my boyfriend.

Which side of your family are you closer to? none really.

Do you like going to museums? yes i love it!

What are you currently listening to? nothing.

Ever felt like you’re not good enough? yeah.

What’s the last thing you ate? a mini muffin.

Do you like cats? i hate cats.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Alright? Janis: Not too shabby, Jimothy Janis: How about you? Jimmy: Been better Jimmy: You know 😏 Janis: Goes without saying Janis: we both make do like but all things considered Janis: think it was 'reet' as you would say Jimmy: You're so full of craic Jimmy: No wonders I miss you already like Jimmy: But yeah it was alright Janis: 🍀 Janis: Take the compliment even though with present company its not asking much of me is it Janis: No shade to Cass or Bobs Jimmy: Want another, do ya? #thirstyworkthis Jimmy: Full of 'em thankfully Janis: Who you calling thirsty?! 😉 Jimmy: Denying it? Jimmy: Bold move Janis: Your word against mine Jimmy: Fair. You are louder than me Jimmy: Gonna get drowned out Janis: 😳 Janis: Prick! Janis: Not my fault that you just grunt like a caveman at all times Jimmy: If you aren't about it, do something about it, mate Jimmy: Just saying 😏 Janis: Ha.. what, teach you proper English? Janis: Not sure I got the time or dedication to the cause tbh 🤔 Jimmy: Nah you haven't got the vocab 🇮🇪 Jimmy: Need more than 🍀 is the drama Janis: 🖕 Janis: Drama is the only subject you're about, more like Janis: not working with an unwilling pupil Jimmy: You can't be my muse across every subject, mate Jimmy: So thirsty like Janis: Ugh Janis: I hate you Janis: So glad you're not here now Jimmy: Can't shut me up from this far away though Jimmy: We both know you've got means otherwise Janis: Such a blatant hussy Janis: all becomes clear now 😂 Jimmy: Skerries brings it out in me Janis: Well what happens in Skerries, like Jimmy: Shit. Hang on Janis: Okay Janis: Is it? Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: As you were Jimmy: What did I miss? Janis: Damn, didn't hear me lamenting under ya window? Janis: Guess the thirst isn't THAT real Janis: You good? Jimmy: Funny Jimmy: Shame you weren't, could've caught me when I was tempted to throw myself out dramatically like Janis: That bad then? Janis: 'Cos you went away, like? Jimmy: My dad just had a weekend worth of opinions he simply had to share with me about how I've been spending my time Janis: I can imagine Janis: You aren't free childcare though Janis: I know my fam are lax about certain shit others aren't but he is taking the piss Janis: Right? Jimmy: It isn't like I even mind about looking after them, he's acting as if I'm desperate to be rid when I'd rather have 'em than leave them with him Jimmy: None of us wanna play happy families with him and his missus Jimmy: Have your fucking alone time Janis: Soon to be asking that, gotta be realistic Janis: Esp. with how little he's given the kiddos re. you're Ma Janis: What a headfuck, can't just transition seamlessly, son Janis: and as for the rest of that shite, he just KNOWS that'll make you feel guilty, Jim Janis: I don't know anyone who puts as much work in with their fam, he's not got a leg to stand on there, just knows what'll work on you, that's all Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it fucks me off though, it really does Jimmy: Feels like ages since we went away already and I'm only just back through the door Janis: I know Janis: Sometimes I wish we could just take 'em and leave for good Janis: Not really though, I know that's a lowkey fucked thing to wish considering Janis: Not trying to be an insensitive cunt, just hate it when he gets to you, if I could do something about it forreal, I would Jimmy: You do Jimmy: Not trying to make you feel awkward bout it but you do really help me Jimmy: I wouldn't be able to hack half as much of this if you weren't about Janis: 'Course you would Janis: You did before, like, since you was 13 Janis: That's mental Janis: Don't usually wanna gas you up this much but you're fucking strong, and I know you had to for 'em but still are Janis: Own it, big 'ead Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Still wish you were here though Jimmy: Or we were there Janis: Duh, I'm a delight Janis: and not going anywhere anytime soon so Janis: you're in 🍀 Jimmy: About time I had some Janis: That's the spirit Janis: just hit your Da with that quality bants 😎 Janis: won't have no comebacks, I bet Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: Sooner I can get my own flat the better Jimmy: Debating jacking school in but then who'd be there to get Mr Lucas' rocks off Janis: Won't someone please think about Mr Lucas n his needs?! Janis: Such a hero Janis: Forreal? Be a shame, like Janis: Not just for the art department Jimmy: I know. I wouldn't get to spend all day eye fucking you for starters Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: I dunno, sometimes it's the only peace I get from dickheads, kids and mad dogs but they aren't paying me to be there like Janis: Can't have you using your skillz on the CG punters instead Janis: Get restraining orders or their order over ya like Janis: Makes sense though, shame there ain't a compensation scheme like Janis: Maybe you could get run over and then say the Dr fucked you over Janis: double bubble Jimmy: Get your nan round to beat me up again Jimmy: Have a go too, be a hero, mate Jimmy: If anyone asked there was loads of 'em and I didn't see a single face, sorry Janis: 😂 Janis: and defs not a pensioner and a teenage girl either like Janis: probs the 'RA after you, like Janis: sell that shit to The Sun, boyo Janis: full of good ideas, me Jimmy: Quality Jimmy: I am gonna have to get another job at least Jimmy: any ideas there? Janis: Hmm Janis: Lets put our heads together Janis: What are your skills, Mr Taylor? Jimmy: 😏 Janis: 😒 Janis: There's a market for it Janis: Mia could be your sugar mama, play your cards right Jimmy: I'd happily go broke in that case Jimmy: Live in this box room forever like Janis: You got principles now? Janis: Didn't have 'em when you was sucking face with Tam 🤔 Interesting 😂 Jimmy: When Mia's concerned it's called common sense Janis: Don't reckon you got staying power to be nothing more than another flavour of the month? Janis: She does go through them, admirable in a way given all she's seemingly working against Jimmy: I know I haven't Jimmy: Kissed goodbye to my new boy appeal ages ago Janis: I dunno Janis: I still reckon you're alright Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Cute Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: [Sends a picture of Twix] Speaking of Jimmy: Absence has made the heart grow fonder for someone Janis: Real MVP Janis: been wearing you out instead of her Janis: You owe her, like 😜 Jimmy: I'm gonna bin off school Jimmy: I can make it up to her then Jimmy: Just for the day, keep calm dad Janis: Lol, really prove his point, like Janis: Teen's prerogative Janis: Fair though, I'm pretty knackered Jimmy: yeah why not Jimmy: you don't wanna come over to keep us both company then? Janis: You don't have to ask Janis: if you just wanna 💤 Janis: Not gonna be that bitch Jimmy: what kinda bitch you gonna be Janis: I've not decided yet, watch out world Jimmy: Keep me posted Jimmy: Twix needs to get a jump on her competition Janis: Look, baby girl, if its a competition between you and school then it is none Janis: but the lad here needs a break Janis: I'm soz 💔 Jimmy: 😎💪🏆 Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: You turning sleep into a sport now? Jimmy: Have you seen Twix when she gets going on a dream? #Athleticaf Janis: Aww 😍 Janis: why you taking on the champ, gonna have you picking up her shit- oh wait Janis: s'a dog's life forreal Jimmy: She was the one being #goals all along Janis: Truly Janis: can I come over actually Janis: I want to Janis: Call me thirsty all you wanna Jimmy: I want you here too Jimmy: We're even Janis: What was that? You actually admitting defeat? Janis: 😮 Janis: Never thought I'd see the day, Taylor Jimmy: Don't get used to it, like Jimmy: But I do owe you one for sorting Skerries Janis: I'll take it Janis: Even if it was hardly selfless of me like Jimmy: I'm alright with you being selfish if it means getting away from the shit Janis: Easily sorted Janis: S'my default, ask the fam Jimmy: I would but I'm gonna see how long I can carry on pretending families don't exist 😎 Janis: Not gonna say challenge accepted when you're being a good boy Janis: but I like the sound of that too Janis: plus, unfair, numbers wise Jimmy: You are at a disadvantage Jimmy: Never usually let that losing streak stop you though Jimmy: 😏 Janis: Fuck off Janis: Selective memory sore loser 😒 Janis: I got this in the bag anyway, you can't be cunty to kids Janis: I'm away there, all my fam be grown...ish Jimmy: You're gonna have to jog it for me cause all I see in my past are wins, mate Jimmy: Not that you can trusted if you've forgotten how much of a dickhead I am Janis: I know you find it hard to keep up with me but Janis: at least try, mate 😉 Jimmy: Don't have to. I'm a natural at beating you Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: 😑 Janis: I feel its my duty to inform you this isn't how you make girls like you, you know Janis: otherwise your chances of getting a new gf to stick are slim Jimmy: It's alright I don't want a new girlfriend Jimmy: And I know what works on the one I've got 😏 Janis: What a charmer Jimmy: You aren't denying it 😎 progress Janis: What's your game? Janis: Suspect Jimmy: No games Janis: Yeah right Janis: got my eye on you boy Jimmy: You always do Jimmy: 😎💪💕 Janis: 🕵 you're a shady character that's why Janis: could be a 36 y/o russian spy Jimmy: 😲 Jimmy: with this face? rude Janis: deep cover Janis: obvs want me for the olympics cos why else Jimmy: busted Janis: fans gonna be gutted Janis: never mind will they won't they Janis: rollercoaster from fake start to fake end Jimmy: We're gonna need new #s Janis: #whendimitriisnottheone #comradeBYE Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'll get the vodka shots in Jimmy: Win you back like Janis: Not that easy Janis: but not gonna say no Jimmy: #thirsty Janis: how did we end up back here Jimmy: Too true for you to keep avoiding, mate Janis: what you think Janis: queen of avoidance Janis: won't see me for dust Jimmy: I'll see you tomorrow, babe Janis: Only by proxy Janis: 'cos my true love is there Jimmy: 🎻💔 Janis: Don't worry, we can still have mindless sex Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Done Janis: Heart healed real fast Janis: Called it Jimmy: I'm easy Janis: Didn't wanna say it, kid Jimmy: Ask Tam she'll tell you Janis: I bet she would Janis: Unlike you I do my best to avoid her though so no tah Jimmy: Don't know what you're missing there, mate Janis: Ha, you can get fucked Janis: I'm not having a threesome with you and Tam Janis: not even for the #drama Jimmy: what about for the #craic? Jimmy: You'd be lucky anyway she's only about me 😎 Janis: So jealous 😒 Janis: Twat Janis: How about a mmf threesome, bet YOU ain't so keen now Jimmy: Depends who you're considering Jimmy: If it's Mr Lucas I'm well in Janis: All fun and games now but you know he'd be way too down Jimmy: 😒 Jimmy: Too real Janis: Mhmm, that mouth gon' get you in trouble one day Janis: what am I gonna do with you, eh? Janis: 😇 over here Jimmy: I'm the bad influence like Jimmy: Take that dad Janis: Yeah, I'll just tell him, like Janis: Problem solved Janis: Please him no end having to have a chinwag with me 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: done deal Jimmy: not like we're trying to avoid him or owt Janis: oh, just thought we were trying to avoid our own, like Janis: there goes my bruch goss sesh Janis: gutted Jimmy: Keep up, mate Jimmy: Gotta totally isolate ourselves for that teen angst cliche Janis: Umm Janis: 🚩 Janis: are you going to tell me next that no one else cares about me but you? and that I need to block everyone and give you my phone Jimmy: You can tell your fam that next time Gracie's blowing up your phone Janis: I'd pay to see her rescue mission but Janis: I'll let it get to the danger zone before I do anything, standard Jimmy: Fair Jimmy: Can't fault you there Janis: Give you time to get proper creeper Janis: up ya game Jimmy: I'll take that Jimmy: Challenge accepted as per Janis: G'wan then Janis: Don't scare easy Jimmy: I already figured that out Janis: Clever boy 😉 Jimmy: have my moments Jimmy: Don't even need school, see? Janis: Still wanna jack it in then? Janis: Let Monday pass, see how you feel Jimmy: I don't wanna really Jimmy: Just being a crybaby about being stuck under this roof Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Fair Janis: I feel it Janis: You can always squat in the barn if you're quiet Janis: won't charge you Janis: much Jimmy: I can be quiet Jimmy: If you don't blow my cover we'll be alright Janis: Excuse me Janis: I'm stealth as fuck Janis: you know you got caught the other day yeah Janis: was saving your ego but Jimmy: Nah Janis: Did so Janis: you know Gracie got her 👀 peeled for you forever Jimmy: Damn Jimmy: Should've known that she'd still be obsessed with me Janis: You? Okay 👌🍆 Janis: watch you don't rub your shine off dickhead Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Thought you'd be buzzing she's switched her allegiance like Janis: Still not getting rid of her is it Janis: Unless you both run off into the sunset and leave me in peace Jimmy: Yeah alright Jimmy: You've got Twix you'll be sorted Janis: Like you give a fuck Janis: finally getting the twin you wanted all along like Jimmy: Naturally Jimmy: Just playing the long game Janis: Bit of a weird way to play it but Janis: this your usual approach? Jimmy: You're the first twin I've dated Jimmy: Lucky Janis: I really feel it Jimmy: [Sends a pic of Twix looking adorable] Jimmy: Bet you do Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Look at what you coulda had Janis: now you're gonna have to get a pug with my sister Janis: sad Jimmy: More of a cat person anyway like 😏 Janis: are you trying to get with my mum? Janis: sicko Jimmy: Nah just over mad bitches, you know Janis: Defs wanna avoid this entire fam then Jimmy: Nah their alright Jimmy: And not just by comparison Janis: Hmm maybe from the outside looking in Janis: They aren't but what am I gonna do, emancipate myself? I've got less cash and less of a place to go so not the brightest of ideas Jimmy: Guess we're stuck Jimmy: Twix has a lot of love to give but fuck all cash Janis: Preach Janis: Useless sugar daddy Janis: should take a leaf out my sister's book clearly Jimmy: Bit late for that Jimmy: You're too loved up Janis: Nah Janis: Tell Twix to speak for herself Jimmy: [sends a voice clip of Twix howling] Jimmy: Done Janis: 😂 Janis: aren't you in enough trouble rn boy? don't start her off! Jimmy: She's a bad bitch Jimmy: Can't be told Jimmy: I blame her training meself Janis: Oh, Twix, where you gonna go? Think on, girl Janis: Get what you pay for Janis: You want results, you gotta cough up for my services Jimmy: You can't need new kicks already, mate Jimmy: I know you've been shopping like Jimmy: The social's got you exposed Janis: What makes you think I was paying? 🤔 Janis: Mean she didn't buy you a 'round? Shame Jimmy: I know you weren't Jimmy: Gonna pay when Twix hears about it though Janis: Sure the flat whites are already hunting her down too Janis: Awkward Jimmy: Tam's probably trying to stretch her skin into a suit as we speak Jimmy: She's gonna need a touch of your luck I reckon Janis: Not your usual type, long and lanky then? Janis: That'll be a toughie but she's nothing if not determined, bless her Jimmy: Dunno I can't remember Jimmy: 🤷 Janis: Nice Janis: Such a gent Jimmy: I wasn't trying to be Jimmy: She bumped into me and we had a dance to make it less awkward Jimmy: Far as that politeness went Janis: No need to lie 😂 I'm not the one that's gonna be crying about it Jimmy: No need to be jealous cause I'm not Janis: Whatever, weren't together Janis: not against any unwritten rules or other shite Jimmy: Still Jimmy: If you were jealous, like at Cass' party, no need to be Janis: You what? Janis: I weren't, you were being rude, that's all Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: 🤷 Janis: Always wanting me to be jealous Janis: 😒 Jimmy: Nope, just saying Jimmy: I'm that dickhead like Janis: What dickhead would that be? Jimmy: A jealous one Janis: Nah Janis: You ain't Janis: why would you be? nothing to be jealous about Jimmy: Forget it Janis: Can't say that, never works, like Jimmy: There's a first time for everything though Jimmy: Worth a go Janis: 🤷 Janis: fine, hit you with the shrug right back Janis: be like that Jimmy: I'm not being like anything Jimmy: I just don't wanna say it. Okay? Janis: Alright Janis: What do you wanna say? Anything? Should I go? Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: It's not your fault like, being too good for me and that Janis: Are you mental? What are you even chatting Janis: Fuck leagues, not even playing the same sport, and I ain't bragging Janis: For once Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: You're fucking stunning like, and that's just looks Janis: 🙄 Janis: Please Janis: that's the start and end of my qualities Janis: don't even make the most of that, like Jimmy: Shut up Jimmy: It isn't Jimmy: And you don't need to, that makes it worse, or better depending on the lens you're viewing through Janis: I've told you, I know what I am Janis: Ain't under any illusion I'm a catch Janis: Not fishing for sympathy like Jimmy: I'm not throwing any sympathy out Jimmy: Or compliments, just facts Jimmy: You are a catch, mate Janis: Blatantly not 'cos no one else thinks or has thought so Janis: what I'm saying, there's nothing to BE jealous about Janis: no one gunning for you 'cos I'm off the market, is there Jimmy: Only cause they can't compete with how #goals we are Janis: Yeah, that's the joke Jimmy: It doesn't have to be Jimmy: I'm not laughing Janis: No? That might've been your reality but it certainly hasn't been mine Janis: There's a reason I was a 'dyke' with no friends, and those reasons haven't disappeared Janis: You would laugh, you do Jimmy: No Janis: Forget it Janis: I'm using mine now too Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: I don't want you to forget what I'm trying to say Jimmy: Even if I am messing it up Janis: you don't have to Janis: say anything Janis: just 'cos I'm being a fucking sad case Jimmy: I want to Jimmy: There's so much shit I wanna say to you, alright? Janis: But you don't know how? Janis: Alright, Liam, fucking hell Jimmy: He was on to something Janis: Maybe Janis: 😏 Janis: You don't need this though, my shit ontop of yours, forreal, so you can forget about it, alright? Jimmy: I'm not that much of dickhead Janis: Ugh, can't you try? Janis: Always claiming the title and now where is it when we need it, eh Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: Got no control over it like that Jimmy: Basically none around you, like Janis: You mean that? Janis: No bullshit, no bants? Jimmy: You know I do Janis: Good Janis: 'cos me either Janis: and I am jealous, really jealous Janis: and you know that too, I know Jimmy: That's why you have to hear me out Jimmy: There's no reason to be Jimmy: I swear Janis: Alright Janis: I'll try Janis: Its not personal, but I know its shitty to be on the other end of it regardless Jimmy: Good Jimmy: I can't lie now, I quite like it Jimmy: Nobody's ever been that bothered about me before Janis: Well they're thick then Janis: I Janis: I dunno Janis: Not had anyone to myself before Janis: that I wanted to keep Janis: not letting go easy, like Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: Me and you. Alright? Jimmy: That's how I want it Janis: Alright Janis: I wish we had a place to go now too Janis: Bad Janis: out of the question storming out in a teen angst rage tonight? Jimmy: It's out of the question for me not to Jimmy: I'll take the car Jimmy: Find us a place Janis: You're already in trouble I guess Janis: Lets do it Janis: I'll be waiting outside Jimmy: I'll be right there Janis: 👌 Janis: what are our chances of sneaking me in though? 🤔 seems silly to come back home only to come back tomorrow like Janis: up for the challenge? Jimmy: Put a coat on it's freezing out Jimmy: You know it 💪🏆 Janis: Cute 🖤 Janis: but as I've pulled, will do Jimmy: Funny Jimmy: Got the car keys that's the first hurdle like Jimmy: Don't even need luck Janis: Thank God, like Janis: just that good, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: 💕

[preetsposting]

Okay, you're up for that last question set, as many as you want of course :P

:P I appreciate you! not drunk but v sleepy so basically drunk right?

[edit- putting under a readmore because long]

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

*checks phone* umm not actively but if i had to it wouldn’t be bad

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

ye actually i did 

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

nope

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

I don’t think so. maybe it’s an issue in that I just like “hey here’s a lot of things about me you probably didn’t want to know” 

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

I’m not actively crushing on anyone right now but I like a lot of my friends as people, so yes I hung out with someone I liked just not romantically

6. What are you excited for?

starting my new job in seattle; hanging out with some high school friends tomorrow; 5 years from now to see what my life will be like

7. What happened tonight?

i drank a coke zero and tried to write some code but instead was on tumblr the entire time because anxiety is kicking my ass today

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

nah man let women enjoy things. also i’m p often a wasted girl

9. Is confidence cute?

ye

10. What is the last beverage you had?

this motherfucking coke zero

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

I think like 2-3 have 100% trust and several more have like 90+% trust. also like i trust a couple people who aren’t my gender but they aren’t an opposite gender because nb genders exist so them too

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

ye but idk where they are and i want more

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

hang out with some high school pals and probably have a beer and watch @thejediexile‘s movie 

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

idk probably beer or snacks 

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

i was going out with them when i kissed them

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

for sure. starting a new degree and new job in a new city. plus i’m always evolving. B)

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

@when-in-doubt-go-to-the-library, hands down. 

18. The last time you felt broken?

this is a continuous feeling so yeah right now i guess

19. Have you had sex today?

nope 

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

most of my recent realizations have been me working on my recent breakup but like i have a lot of existential realizations that make me feel like i’m just passing time until I die but i’ve been working on being more optimistic

21. Are you in a good mood?

i’m neutral

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

yes! sounds neato

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

i mean technically yes but they’re like a shade darker

24. What do you want right this second?

a spark of creativity and to have better discipline

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

i want more than anything for them to be happy but like there’s enough nuance here that I’d just cry a lot because it would add layers to the breakup

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

i have brown/caramel highlights in my natural black hair

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

nah

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

that fucking package delivery dance off video

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

ye

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

it really depends

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

of course not! @elytrid is rad B) 

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

this is complicated because again, recent breakup

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

i drink too much diet pop

34. Listening to?

currently solution .45

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

yes? 

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

in his house playing video games more than likely

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not love; maybe interest/infatuation/lust

38. Who did you last call?

me mum

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

i danced to abba with my 4 year old cousin last weekend, but like in a more “real” setting i got drunk and went to a club my last week of school and was busting out some moves

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

they were my bf and they had to go home and it was a goodbye kiss (and it was my birthday AND the last time i ever saw them ahahah i’m not bitter) 

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

?? idk 

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

ye

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

always, man

44. Do you tan in the nude?

??? no?? 

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

no, I don’t think I would 

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

kinda? active conversation but I didn’t fall asleep while texting

47. Who was the last person to call you?

me mum

48. Do you sing in the shower?

when i’m home alone ye

49. Do you dance in the car?

that sounds dangerous

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

not a real one

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

college senior photos like a month ago

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

yes but also wonderful

53. Is Christmas stressful?

kind of but not really

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

yes??????? of course???????? what do you take me for

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

i liek appl

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

pilot, lawyer, content writer for video games

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

not really? like ghosts can be real psychologically or sentimentally but not like ectoplasm n shit

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

frequently

59. Take a vitamin daily?

i should but I don’t

60. Wear slippers?

nop

61. Wear a bath robe?

nop

62. What do you wear to bed?

usually an oversized computer science shirt and soft big pants

63. First concert?

I don’t actually know? i performed in recitals when smol so maybe those

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

tar-jayyyy

65. Nike or Adidas?

/shrug

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

c h e e t o b o i z 

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

cashew, pecan

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

tswift is cancelled as a person but blank slate is fun at parties

69. Ever take dance lessons?

yes, tap dance in elementary, i was bad

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

not particularly

71. Can you curl your tongue?

ye

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

i haven’t actually

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yeah

74. What is your favorite book?

hmm. this is hard. LoTR maybe

75. Do you study better with or without music?

with, for sure. 

76. Regularly burn incense?

kind of? like we do it for hinduism 

77. Ever been in love?

yeah

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

kamelot, again. :P 

79. What was the last concert you saw?

my brother’s band concert

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

depends on weather :3 

81. Tea or coffee?

depends on mood, generally coffee tho

82. Favorite type of cookie?

i like chocolate chip toffee oatmeal

83. Can you swim well?

i can swim ok

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

yeah def

85. Are you patient?

I would say so, and I’ve had people tell me I’m too patient which was a nice complement

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

Wedding? Probably DJ 

87. Ever won a contest?

Probably

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

Nope

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Context?

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

as long as it’s consensual!

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Living room!

92. Do you want to get married?

yeah I’d like to also I have to basically because #indianparents

[agentdagonet]

Echoes, Ch. 8

can’t believe I forgot to put the last 2 chapters of Echoes up here. Seeing as I’m about to upload chapter 9, I’ll put 7 and 8 up beforehand. Thanks for sticking around, guys!

Find it here on AO3

Find it here on tumblr:  1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Fic Summary: Feet dangling off the edge of the bed, hands still resting on the earpieces of his glasses, Eggsy opened his eyes.

        And promptly shut them again, screwing them shut like a child who had the distinct misfortune of biting into a raw lemon. Breathing harshly in his nose and out his mouth, trying to stave off whatever delusional panic had befallen him, Eggsy reopened his eyes.

‘Harry?’

Or: The Hologram Story Nobody Asked For

          'Why did we watch this again?' The credits are going, and a film Eggsy would love to erase from his memory is finally over. 'Rotten Tomatoes said it was good!'           'The popcorn was empty Rox, tha' means people didn't like it!' '40 percent isn't an awful rating, and we did say we were going to watch a shitty film.'           'There are limits! If I had a time machine the first thing I'd do is prevent this shit from existing!'

          'Really? The first thing you'd do with the ability to go back in time is stop this shitfest from existing?' He knows what she's getting at, but he can't think of that, not just then. He still needed time.           'It's called the butterfly effect, Rox, changin' one thing can affect a million others- who knows what erasing this film would do to the future! Imagine the good I could do!'           'Wow, Eggs' I'd never've guessed you knew about the butterfly effect- so full of surprises.'           'Oh, fuck off.' He shoves her off the arm of the couch, and she thumps to the ground with a yelp. He pretends he did it for comedic effect, but knows he did it to distract himself. He didn't need more will-o'-wisps of Harry in the house. 'Gotta have shit to impress the birds with, y'get me? An' alright some of the blokes, too; but I've always been wicked smart when I wanna be.'           'Sure you have, Eggsy. Whatever helps you sleep at night.' She pats his shoulder, nods sympathetically, and that's what pushes things from teasing to all out war.

          'Oi!' He throws a pillow in her general direction, sure to avoid the greasy pizza boxes sitting on the table in front of him. It knocks the glass from her hand, thankfully empty, and serves its purpose.           The night passes with relative ease, thankfully. The pillow war had resulted in them both being far too tired to move, and instead they had ended up cuddled up in the wreckage- JB curled up at their feet. Unfortunately, good things can't last, and they're woken by Roxy's glasses ringing from the coffee table.

          'Yes, Merlin?' She's stood up, all proper posture despite there being no one to impress, and faced the wall. He guesses it's a concentration thing, or maybe she (rightfully) thinks Eggsy would be making crass gestures and funny faces at her. Small pleasures.           'I'll be right in.' It's fucking weird to only hear half a conversation, but Eggsy's pretty sure he wouldn't have paid much attention even if he could hear. Being half asleep does that.           'I'm sorry to cut this short, Eggs-' She froze, mouth still open, eyes focused on something by the stairwell that he couldn't see. Sitting down on the floor made it difficult to see past couches and such.           'S'okay, Rox, Kingsman comes first- wouldn't have you withou' them now would I? ...Rox?' He waved a hand in front of her face, which wasn't such a smart idea because a startled Roxy is a dangerous Roxy, and she gripped his wrist so tightly he was certain it would bruise.           'How the fuck is Harry Hart in your house?'           'Oh, that don't you worry about it; it's just a thing Harry had that turned on after he died to show us his Will. You can ask Merlin and everythin'- why d'you think I don't wear my specs inside?' please don't ask anything else, please don't ask for details, I don't think I can say more without breaking, please, please, please... She looked at him for a moment, head tilted slightly, before she nodded.

          'Merlin's backing you up, so I guess I believe you; but, can't you just turn it off? I mean, Eggsy, avoiding a problem doesn't make it go away, you know? You've got to let him go; I don't like seeing you in pain.' She looks at him like one would look at a natural disaster from a distance- with pity and immeasurable sadness- and it takes everything in him not to scream. Can't you see I'm trying? But that wouldn't help anyone.

          'Dunno how to turn it off- not like Harry left instructions, we don't even know how it turned on. Or how it works, honestly. So I'm just working around it. We'll figure it out.' They're empty words, things he has no real intention of expanding on, but they placate Roxy into leaving. A mission can't be delayed for too long- they are, after all, usually matters of international importance- and he's incredibly glad to see her leave.           Roxy's an incredible mate, she is, but she had too much distance between herself and her emotions to really sympathise with him. Or maybe it was that Eggsy didn't have enough space between himself and his emotions. He was the one who was out of whack, not her. That made a fair bit more sense- she wasn't nearly as messed up as he was. It was probably just another defect of his.

          'Fuuuuuuuuuck.' Eggsy flopped backward onto the floor. He was messed up. He was living his life to the standard of a man who would never see the results. He was so set against actually working through his grief that he'd snapped at his mum and ran out on her.           (Though, honestly, it wasn't like she'd been all that sensitive in how she'd tried to tackle the issue, right? "Hey a guy you know came to tell me about how your dad died, also why are you crying about his dead mate over a year later?" is just not a tactful way to try to deal with an emotional situation. At least, he didn't think it was. Was it? He doubted a lot of things, at the moment)           He'd apologise, once he knew what to say. It wasn't like there was one of those self-help books "what to do when your mentor dies, you had to see the bullet come at you, and you may or may not have been in love with the idea of him" cos shit that would be a mouthful of a title. Probably wouldn't sell a lot of copies, neither, being so specific an' all.           'I fucked up... Mum def don't deserve that shit from me...' He hadn't meant to be so harsh with her- but he hadn't lied. He wouldn't lie to her like that- and, no (he told himself harshly) withholding the truth wasn't lying. She'd never asked if he'd known how his dad died, had she, so he hadn't lied to her. Not really. But that didn't excuse what he'd done- even if she was pushing a bit much. Honestly, he was a grown man with his own house and he could handle himself- had done for a long while now.

But was he actually handling himself?           He was living in the house of a dead man to keep alive yet somehow avoid his memory. He was avoiding the Hologram of said man, who had in fact spent the majority of their acquaintanceship (because, honestly, were they ever truly friends?) in a coma. A man he had barely known, but had nonetheless believed in him and seen something behind the grime that life in the estates had covered him in. Had seen someone worth something; not someone to rescue (at least, not solely) but someone to be given the tools to rescue himself. Someone to give a chance so that their overall success or failure couldn't be handed off to someone else; their results would be their own.           He'd never mourned Harry the way he deserved to be mourned, with laughter at his expense and drinks to his memory. He didn't have any stories. Oh, the drinks would be easy enough to procure, but drinking without a purpose and drinking to mourn were too close to the things his mum had done growing up; that was a road he did not want to walk down. He wasn't mourning Harry by living in this house, or by taking up his name, he wasn't honouring the memory of a dead man because... Eggsy didn't really believe he was dead. They hadn't ever been able to find his body, they'd buried an empty coffin, Merlin had basically taken over as Arthur, and Kingsman had moved on.           But Harry, the ghost of him or the live one whichever was the reality, wouldn't have wanted him to live like this. Wouldn't have wanted to see an Eggsy stagnated, operating on autopilot in the cenotaph of a man who (by his own measure) was undeserving of such sentiments.           'The fuck are you doing, Eggsy- pull yourself together,' Harry had looked at Eggsy and had seen potential and now Eggsy was squandering it by living in a past he was never actually a part of. Eggsy was still on the floor, flat on his back with the heels of his hands pressed to his eyes, hissing breaths through his teeth. Everything'd changed when he'd seen that Hologram what seems like a lifetime ago, but maybe- maybe it was stuff that needed changing.           It hurt, there weren't enough words in every language he'd heard of to describe the pain to think about this. Eggsy wanted to let go of Harry Hart about as much as he had wanted to leave the Marines. But, the needs of the many over the wants of the few (or one, in this case) and all that bullshit; he had a duty to Kingsman to be at his best, and this wasn't it.           Eggsy sat up slowly, pulling up the bottom of his shirt to wipe away the few tears that had escaped, giving himself a few more moments to pull himself together. He made his way upstairs to the guest room, pulling open the drawer that contained his specs before going back downstairs empty handed. Not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow and maybe not next week but soon he was going to face at least one of the ghosts that haunted him.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #78

“why are the children all marching into the desert to die?”

list your three favorite scents. lilac, uhhh and then cinnamon and coffee, maybe? how do you ground yourself or recharge? sleep, go online... comfort food? my #1 is definitely ice cream have you ever been on a laptop inside a vehicle? no while on the road, do you play any road games? not anymore are you scared of semi-trucks? especially when you’re driving next to one? AHHHH YES if you have any pets, do you talk to them in a baby voice?  hell yeah! do you like screamo music? i do not. i want to be able to understand the words. like, they can even be in different languages, i don't care, i just want to understand clear words. what is the relationship between you and the person you last kissed? much to my dismay, there isn't one. if you could change your name what would you change it to? zoey, probably. have you ever tried weed?  no, and i have no desire to. how much effort did you put into your last relationship? way, way, way too much. are you a patient person? NOPE. do you have impulse control? DOUBLE NOPE can you use chopsticks? my tremors would never allow it. do you like the smell of gasoline? NO NO NO NO NONONONONO did you ever live in a house with more than one story? nope what’s your favorite fast food place? bojangle's what's your favorite alcoholic drink? i haven't tried many, but the best thing i've had thus far was a watermelon margarita thing. have you ever given yourself a tattoo? no, and i wouldn't. i'm very serious about the professionalism of my tats. do you ever buy your pet(s) birthday or christmas presents? sure do! can you lick your nose?  nope. can you lick your elbow?  nope. would you rather watch a movie in theater or at home?  defs in theaters. do you still own any vhs tapes? do you ever watch them?  no, mom got rid of them all. what hobby have you always wanted to pick up?  hmmm. crafts. have you ever rolled off your bed in your sleep?  no. have you ever had a penpal?  nope. do you put your shirt on or your pants on first?  pants are you afraid of spiders?  only if they are venomous or have extremely long legs in comparison to their bodies. have you ever been stung by a bee?  i haven't. do you enjoy board games?  no. what do you like on your burgers? (cheese, ketchup, mustard..)  cheese, ketchup, mustard, onion pieces, pickles how much water do you drink each day?  none. do you enjoy mario games? not particularly, but with friends, sure. has the last person you kissed met your father? he has. what’s your favorite breed of dog? akita inus, chow chows, beagles... do you swear in front of your parents?  i'm totally open around my dad, but i usually don't say "fuck" around mom. what would you do if you found out you were pregnant to the last person you kissed?  cry and probably become obsessed with the child's well-being, even while in utero. can you make yourself cry? i can't. what do you tend to drink a lot of? milk have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? yes, and i once woke up screaming. have you ever had to block anyone online? i've been actively using the internet since dial-up, whatcha think? are you scared of ending up alone? i'm legitimately horrified. are your pets asleep right now, if you have any?  i'm not at home, so idk. have you ever done three or more shots in a row? i've never done shots. favorite undersea creature? dolphins i think, but i also really like jellyfish and whales. seahorses, too. describe the darker side to your personality.  more than anything, i can be viciously jealous. i have an interior savagery, but just barely enough control to contain it. what makes a movie really enjoyable for you? creative, whimsical story and artwork, drama, and relatable characters. favorite type of bird? owls. favorite forest animal? deer! do you think you could ever have an abortion if you unexpectedly turned up pregnant right this second? absolutely not. what is your favorite video game console? why?  ps2 has the best games. do you like vanilla candles?  sure do. how many girlfriends/boyfriends have told you they love you? one, i think. juan might have... have you ever smoked a cigarette? no. who did you last share a taxi with? i've never been in one. do you vape? nope. do you enjoy the arctic monkeys?  i like two songs. where’s your favorite place to shop for clothes?  rebel's market. have you ever seen a mountain in person? i have. have you ever explored somewhere abandoned? i have. there's a shack and old house near my house that friends and i explored when i was younger. we got in trouble lol. have you ever found a four-leaf clover? i discovered a patch of four-leaf clovers the day after my dad left... (: would you rather live in a coastal town or a town closer to the forest? ohhh. can it be in the forest? are you lazy? i am, honestly. regularly burn incense? i used to. i need more sticks... who was your high school crush? i had a few. i was kinda interested in a guy named kyle, i really liked this boy sebastian, but my biggest crush was jason. are you cpr certified? no. who accompanied you to your first concert? mom, nicole, and jason. do you and your friends listen to similar music? depends on the friend. my best friend, no. do you believe in the idea of taking from the rich and giving to the poor? why or why not? no, because who says the rich don't deserve what they've accumulated? do you believe that animals are capable of “human” emotion? why not? it's very obvious that they feel emotion; now are their emotions the same as how we humans feel it, maybe not, but they obviously feel. who do you consider “family?” my mom, dad, ashley, nicole, katie, bobby, misty, a few aunts and uncles and uncles, colleen, chelsea, bradley, and despite having no relationship with him, jason will always be my family. could you sacrifice yourself for someone you barely knew? honestly, no. does the thought of having children scare you? horrifies me. i'd prefer to never imagine pushing a seven-pound human being out of my fucking vagina. xbox or playstation? playstation! have you ever asked someone out? i kinda-sorta initiated the asking out with aaron, but not exactly? when do you want to get married? i see 23 as an ideal marrying age, but there's literally no way that'll happen with me unless j comes back. did you like your middle school life? ACTUALLY fuck that. that's when my anxiety and depression started, and it was just... awkward and uncomfortable. have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? yes and no... maybe. like, with jason, i thought to myself, "wow, he's really weird" when i met him, but at the same time, i found myself thinking, "this guy's gonna mean something." what’s your favorite zoo animal? meerkats, on the rare occasion they have them. do you have any plans for tomorrow? skating! :D what’s your favorite part about the fall? the colorful foliage, omg! which scooby-doo character are you most like (scooby, shaggy, daphne, fred, velma, the monster, scrappy?) probably scooby or shaggy. what “group” did you belong to in high school? i resonated/made friends with mostly the goths, emos, metalheads... describe your favorite pair of pj’s. a black pair of pajama pants with a design of harley quinn holding two guns sitting on her knees with "hey, puddin'" written beneath her. i usually wore them when i wanted j's dick honestly lmao. i still wear them tho honestly just 'cuz they're comfortable. if you could have any job in the world, which one would you want? meerkat biologist OR a member of the mythical crew how did you learn to ride a bicycle? my dad taught me. (: have you ever been to a sports game? hockey, yes. have you seen all the shrek movies? no and i cry every night because of it. have you ever finished a whole video game? of course do you know anyone with a pet snake? currently, i don't believe so. your parents split; would you want to live with your mom or dad? they did split, and i live(d) with my mom. how does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? i've seen one picture of him with his current girlfriend, and i legitimately wanted to murder the bitch. no exaggeration. have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend? multiple times. what is on your bed right now? well, my own bed is in storage right now to my understanding, but the bed i'm using at colleen's currently just had pillows and blankets. are you someone’s best friend? i am! :D what do you think of when you think of australia? my friend shaylee ever ridden on a roller coaster? no, too scared. what is your birthstone? amethyst is anyone jealous of you? literally no reason to ever be. do any of your friends have children? not any close friends how did you get one of your scars? i scratched the fuck out of my leg. it was overly itchy. honestly, what is your point of a view of a friend who goes for their friend’s exes? consult your friend about it. when was the last time you laughed so hard you couldn’t breathe? when playing "cards against humanity" with colleen, chelsea, and bradley would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? zoo! do you sleep with a night light? no. do you bite your toenails? nope. what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime? overall, i feel most connected to otep's lyrics. have you ever gone to the person you like’s best friend to help you out? no. who is the most blunt person that you know? colleen do you think you will be going to sleep soon? i might take a nap. what nervous habits do you have? my eyes dart, i play with/knead my hands, avoid eye contact, etc. when was the last time you were hit on by someone? i'm not sure. what is your ringtones on your cellular? "telescope" by starset do you wear makeup? rarely. do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? nope. what is your pet’s name? the only pet i personally "own" is teddy, a beagle-cocker spaniel mix. do you have any siblings? do you get along? my two immediate siblings are ashley and nicole. what is your favorite color? maroon. what color are your eyes? blue do you like your parents? i love them. how long does it take you to shower? like 8 minutes. is the last person you kissed older than you? by two years name everyone you kissed this year: no one is it awkward when you run into your ex’s? i've never "run into" him. i've seen him once, but it wasn't awkward honestly. have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? probably hundreds of times... do you change your phone background a lot? nope. think back to your last relationship. was it worth it? yes, it was. has anyone seen you in your underwear, other than mom? yep. do you hate being the first person to start a conversation? sure do. if you had to live off one type of fruit, which would you pick? strawberries what do you usually order from olive garden? spicy shrimp fritas. fucking perfection. how do you like your steak cooked? well done do you know anyone who self-harms? i know people who have, but i certainly hope they still don't. do you have any siblings? what are their names, age, and grade they are in? doing immediate siblings only. ashley: she's 24, i think, and she's graduated. nicole: she's 18 and is a freshman in college. do you know a schizophrenic person? yes. my own half-sister tiffany is a schizophrenic. do you own many pairs of shorts? i don't have any. is there a certain song you like to headbang to?  surprisingly, i don't headbang. is there a band/artist who has strange lyrics but you love them anyway?  rammstein's lyrics are rather different imo did you love playing hide and seek as a kid?  i really did! do you have a favorite font on the computer?  garamond, i assume. have you ever been severely burned?  nope. did you ever dream that you had a baby?  multiple times. what was the weirdest thing you ever saw cross the road?  hm, not sure... do you try clothes on before you buy them? i avoid that shit like the plague, but i guess if i have to. by society's standards, are you attractive? probably not, idk? mostly because i'm fat, so. i do have clear skin though? would you let your kid smoke weed? if i found my child smoking weed, that would probably be the closest i'd ever get to beating their fucking ass, to be frank about it. are you mentally stable? "no" should be the obvious answer. do you think marijuana is safer than alcohol? in some ways, sure. what do you hear right now? "the dope show" by marilyn manson, chelsea talking in her room... have you ever been in an abusive relationship? no. what color is your favorite bra? it's mostly baby pink, but has a black, swirly design on it. which would you rather have, a new puppy or kitten? i'd actually quite enjoy a kitten right now. if you could have one power, what would it be? shape-shifting. would you ever date out of your own race?   yeah. do you still watch movies intended for children?   every now and again. who is your favorite stand-up comedian?   john pinette. what is your strangest phobia?   whale sharks. what is the most pointless movie that you have ever seen?   "the purge."  just the concept of it was so stupid.  i mean, the film was okay, but still pointless. have you ever kissed someone of the same gender as you?   romantically, no. when a bee is coming close to you, do you stand still or run away?   depends on the kind of bee.  ex., wasp, i'm running.  honeybee, it's cool. are you self conscious about wearing a bathing suit?   very, yes. if you had to play one sport for a living, what would it be?   dance. have your parents ever thought you were gay? what happened?   i don't think so, no. what’s the best thing to eat for breakfast?   pancakes are your parents more liberal or conservative?   conservative, mostly, with some liberal views. when was the last time you saw your best friend?   this morning.  i am currently living with her; she's at work atm. how many jobs have you ever had? (including things like babysitting)   two. do you have family meals when it’s someones birthday?   we go out to eat somewhere nice-ish. are you comfortable talking to both your parents about sex and boys?   mom, sure, but i would never discuss sex with dad. have you ever wanted to be a teacher?   not at all. what do you think is overrated?   i don't really call things "overrated."  well-liked things are liked for a reason. what is underrated?   the band otep.  they should really be better known. can spiders jump?   yes, they can. there was a sculpture that was supposed to be displayed for a week in the rockefeller center in nyc of a falling woman - designed as a memorial to those who jumped or fell to their death from the world trade center. it was complained about as grotesque, inappropriate and describe as 'not art.’ what do you think?   who says something grotesque cannot be art?  it was absolutely art and carried with it a heavy message.  it shouldn't have been censored by not showing it. has anyone ever mistaken you for a satanist?   with my wardrobe, probably. what did you see today that was beautiful in an ordinary way?   i saw my best friend. are you dyslexic?   no sir. do you agree with the people who say that everyone is bi-sexual even if they don’t want to admit it?   heard that before, and it's bullshit. if you are the only human on the planet of the apes do you have sex with an ape?   ugh, no. do you believe that black people should get money to make up for their previous enslavement?   ... the fuck is this?  no???  look, i am in no way racist or anything, but there is no reason to pay african americans because of past mistreatment?  like, that shit's done and over with? have you ever tried to write poetry or song lyrics?   poetry, yeah. do you like men who have a sensitive side?   it's like.  mandatory for me. dangly earrings, hoop earrings, simple studs, or no earrings at all?   hmmm, studs. would you ever wear black lipstick? do you know anyone who does?   i do sometimes. do you lecture people about drugs?   if one prompts me too, yes. if you could pick the temperature of the outdoors for the rest of your life, what would it be?   like... 49, maybe? who was the last person to call you babe?   probably colleen, potentially juan. do you have family problems?   yes. were you smiling when you woke up this morning?   who the fuck just wakes up smiling? do you like being in pictures?   while it's great to be included, i only really like it if i'm taking the picture, 'cuz i know how to flatter my face. do you sneak out?   at 21, i can't exactly "sneak out," but when i was a teenager, no, i never did. how would you spend a day at the beach?   in the ocean have you ever experienced altitude sickness?   nope. do you ever make a big deal out of nothing?  only constantly. have you ever written anything on a bathroom stall?  nope. are your hands unsteady?   yes, i have an essential tremor. are you scared of moving on?  FUCKING HORRIFIED. when talking on the phone, do you place it against your left or right ear?   right ear are you scared you’ll get a q-tip stuck inside your ear?   nope. do you use index cards to help you prepare for tests?   i never did. what’s your favorite flavor of sunflower seeds?   i don't like sunflower seeds. what's currently on your mind?   meh.  i feel... alone and unaccomplished.  i just found out a veeery old friend of mine is moving out with her girlfriend soon, and.  idk.  seeing her grow up like that makes me jealous.  i miss having another half, okay? what’s your favorite hairstyle on a guy?   kill me pls, bc i like emo/scene hair the most ;-; what color is your hairbrush?   hot pink have you ever dated someone with curly hair?   not full-blown curly, no.  very few of j's tips would be curly, but his hair overall was more wavy. how many of the people you’ve kissed have had brown eyes?   one. what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to the person you like?   "i love you." are you currently in a “i wouldn’t mind if i lost 50 pounds” kind of mood?   losing 50 pounds would honestly be spectacular. are your parents religious?   yeah. would you like to have twins?   fuck no. if your best friend liked your last ex, what would you do?   oh, i'd tell her off. want to have kids before you’re 30?   it'd be ideal. has someone ever made a promise to you and broke it?   sure has. would you ever date anyone covered in tattoos?   sure. do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse?   female. are you interested in more than one person at the moment?   nope.

[nonpienary]

Responding to: MAKE ME ADMIT STUFF

I'm a nerd and I'm doing it. For no good reason honestly: 1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? That was my boyfriend, so yes. 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Nope but I decided to look at his facebook for the first time in years yesterday - it was uninteresting. 3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nothing to take. I've been someone's first time and someone's first time with a guy though. I've also been like three girls' first kiss, even though two of them were stage kisses. One of those still used a lot of tongue, though. 4. Is trust a big issue for you? Nope, I generally give people the benefit of the doubt. I was lucky to have a stable-ish childhood. 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Lots! But if you mean romantically, it's been a week since we've been together but we text daily and had a video call for hours last night - we're moving in together this week! There's lots to talk about, it's a big transition for both of us. 6. What are you excited for? See #5! I'm gonna move in with my boyfriend on Friday!!! He's wonderful and thoughtful and the apartment is great. 7. What happened tonight? I... got home from D&D and called my mom? 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? I think this question is disgusting and sexist, and that men are generally encouraged by society to be far more disgusting than women, especially when they get drunk (which they are also encouraged to do more than women, as seen in the wording of this question) 9. Is confidence cute? Loaded question - it can be attractive, but it can also be toxic and gross, especially in men who have been trained to believe in themselves at the cost of discounting others and/or reason/safety. I think earned confidence in something you were once unconfident in can be endearing, particularly to those who saw that change take place! Confidence for its own sake can be gross though 10. What is the last beverage you had? Water 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? First, "opposite sex" is such an outdated and awful term, implying two inherent genders at some cosmic diametric odds with each other, which is bullshit. As far as my current (increasingly tenuous) male identity meaning you're asking me about trusting women? Ummm, 'how many' is a weird question. Like trust how? I have like 10-15 female-identifying people I'm very close with, but a lot more family members and the like whom I trust very much. This is a dumb question and seems pretty cissexist and heteronormative, as well as supporting this culture of gendered enmity. 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Multiple. 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Sleep, it'll be the day after move-in 14. What are you going to spend money on next? Parking for work tomorrow. Thus question is for kids. 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? I'm moving in with him. 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Yes. 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Probably my boyfriend? Depends on the thing. If it's really anything I guess it's my sister. 18. The last time you felt broken? When hearing people insist all couples argued a lot. 19. Have you had sex today? Only with myself. 20. Are you starting to realize anything? ??? I'll get back to you? 21. Are you in a good mood? Somewhat. This is putting me in a weird place I guess. 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? What a curveball. Um, only to see them up close, but likely not. Video is fine by me. 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes. 24. What do you want right this second? Ice cream and my boyfriend. I'm getting o e on friday, and the other one is in my freezer. Please place them properly to avoid disaster. 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? My turn? I'm ok sharing but I like attention too. 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? This was written with teenage girls in mind. Yes. 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Probably not 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Something my mom said? 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? One of my dogs moved to florida with my parents 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Very vague, generally yes but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be safe from them. Abusers use this to lure victims back in. Nobody deserves anything FROM YOU. 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Fuck no - just many of the other ones 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? I should hope so 💜 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Yes! There are others? I just always hated carbonation. 34. Listening to? Rainbow by Kesha. You should too. 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yeah, just started to at work lately and it feels so good 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? At home with a fever 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? No but ours was pretty fast. And attraction that leads to love is a thing. I did blow my boyfriend within an hour of meeting him in person, but we'd been talking fir a while by that point and in my defense, the internet in my room had gone out. 38. Who did you last call? My mom 39. Who was the last person you danced with? Myself at the train station the other morning. 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? To say goodbye, and that I would see him soon, and that I wouldn't let all the awful things the president wanted to do to him take him away from me, and that I loved him so fucking much. Also, because his train was about to leave but I needed to kiss him one more time. 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Too long ago. 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No but I blew my mom a kiss, does that count? She's far away 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? All day erry day. It's my natural state. 44. Do you tan in the nude? I burn in clothes 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Fuck no, did you read what I just said about it? 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Not really. 47. Who was the last person to call you? 💜Babe💜 48. Do you sing in the shower? Where don't I sing? 49. Do you dance in the car? On occasion 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? I rocked at it as a kid, but not in years. I loved the tigers'-eye beads they gave for archery at cub scout camp, so I became an Archery Expert to get a bunch. 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? High School 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? YES, GOT A PROBLEM??? 53. Is Christmas stressful? I give awful gifts 54. Ever eat a pierogi? How is this a question 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Trick question it's pizza, but I also love most. Blueberry is amazing though 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Archaeologist, artist, singer. 57. Do you believe in ghosts? Only my ghost boyfriend 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes 59. Take a vitamin daily? Am I fucking MOTHER TERESA? God, what do you even EXPECT from me, perFECTION? 60. Wear slippers? Rarely 61. Wear a bath robe? Never 62. What do you wear to bed? Bf is converting me to underwear and a t-shirt 63. First concert? PWR BTTM but they're abusers and broke my heart so let's forget that one and say Regina Spektor 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? No 65. Nike or Adidas? No 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Crunchy Cheetos but that's my addiction talking 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? What? I guess peanuts 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? No? 69. Ever take dance lessons? I got told I could not take a coed bellydancing class once because I was the first guy to show interest and the instructor would have had to have asked the students, which she just decided not to do. She also didn't tell this to my friend (who had asked the teacher if I could come and been told yes) until we were literally walking into class, me in shorts I had just bought for the class. She basically told me it was for the students' comfort which I understood even though I'm queer, but then was like you can sit in and watch maybe? But that seemed even weirder so I just went gome 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Assuming everyone gets married is bullshit 71. Can you curl your tongue? Lotsa ways 😉 72. Ever won a spelling bee? Nah but I've been in the musical 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes 74. What is your favorite book? Probably one of the Circle of Magic books but I dunno which one 75. Do you study better with or without music? I don't study well 76. Regularly burn incense? No 77. Ever been in love? Yup 78. Who would you like to see in concert? More queer people 79. What was the last concert you saw? Tank and the Bangas!!!! They were so good 💜 80. Hot tea or cold tea? All Tea (all shade) 81. Tea or coffee? Teaaaaaa 82. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip? Madeline? Raspberry marzipan? Thumbprint? Rainbow? Black and White but only the white side because I'm ✨racist against icing✨? Lots 83. Can you swim well? Sorta 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yeah I guess 85. Are you patient? Sorta? 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Me, in The Best Dress, singing my little heart out 87. Ever won a contest? Yes! Mostly math stuff 88. Ever have plastic surgery? No 89. Which are better black or green olives? Green 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Sex is great, marriage is problematic, def do the first one first. Also like, this is such an outfated question wtf 91. Best room for a fireplace? All of them 92. Do you want to get married? Yeah but blame Disney for that propaganda. I'm getting over it, my bf is very against the state getting involved in relationships. That said, we might have to get married for dumb legal reasons for his well-being? It's gross and not a fairytale at all