#so now im making ford learn it too

[one-strugling-bean]

The Billford equivalent of visiting your loved one's grave is Ford going to see Bill's statue at least once every time he and Stan stop by Gravity Falls

He puts it as a necessary evil because "someone needs to check on the enchantments he cast around the area"

Everyone sees that for the half-excuse it is.

Those enchantments were made and reforced by Ford - not even a demigod would be able to disrupt them - but no one calls him out on it because he's always very cagey and serious those days. He's usually gone most of the day, too.

Then one time, a few years into this, Mabel offers to go with him. Ford, surprinsingly, accepts.

They wear matching witch hats just like they did the last time they came together. The duo checks the traps in record time (they're all ok), and Mabel decorates the statue with more of her motivational stickers and glitter glue. Once they have both finished, Ford offers to go back home, but Mabel asks them to sit down instead.

Very reluctantly, Ford eventually lets slip that there's a part of him that does miss Bill - his dark sense of humor, the witty banter they shared, his intellect and challenging riddles, how perfectly they could understand each other - and that's why he can't help but go back to visit the statue. But he also hates himself for it, because it's like even after death Bill still has control over Ford's mind.

The sit on the grass, a few meters away from the statue, and Mabel finally prods him about the situation.

And Mabel, in all her 16-year-old wisdom, just tells him something like "you can hate someone and still love them care about them"

And that lowkey hits Ford like a truck.

After that, Ford slowly starts coping with his mixed feelings about Bill better. Starting with the tough task of accepting them for what they are.

He slowly becomes less cagey whenever someone mentions his portal-building era. He stops saying he's "going to check the enchantments around the clearing" and opts for simply "gonna go see Bill's statue later".

And one night, he finally has a very open, honest, emotional conversation with Stanley about his relationship with Bill. The good and the bad. Stanley is a good brother the whole time and doesn't judge him for it, and it helps Ford a lot.

(then Bill comes back from the Theraprism on probation and all that progress goes down the drain cause they fall in love again haha-)

[godsfavoritescientist]

Thinking about my fic parhelion too. I feel a lil bit bad about how long I'm taking to write chapter 3. But I think my thoughts on bill and ford and their relationship to each other has evolved into something so different from what it was when I wrote that fic that I no longer know how to end it anymore

[marsupials-of-mars]

Was thinking about @ckret2 's bill when i wrote this, but it applies to bill more generally. I think the main thing people pick up on, maybe subconsciously, about their bill that makes him feel so accurate is that he feels.

A lot of people (and most people are guilty of this including me whether they mean to or not) tend to write him as a tragic immortal? In the sense that he's been beaten down by time and learned never to care about people, and has lost the ability to care.

And the first part of that is true!

He HAS learned never to care about people! In the tbob love page, he says its stupid to tie yourself to a mortal in a way where your happiness depends on them. He's LEARNED this. But he has NOT lost the ability to care. And he DOES care despite knowing he shouldn't.

He interacts with people genuinely, he legitimately enjoys the company of "lesser" mortal species, he has fun, he thinks about people when they're gone, he's taken lovers, he speaks in phrases hes picked up from past earth decades because he likes how they sound (ya dig?).

And some people are frustrated when he's written suave and unfeeling for this reason, because he is a goofball. But the thing is, he DOES act, in a way, suave and unfeeling when it comes to situations like Ford and Dipper. He plays up his "immortal deity" persona, constantly reminding them of all the knowledge he knows, PROVING his value to them.

But he gets mad! He falls in love! He jokes around because its fun! He gets stupid and reckless when he's upset! He burns bridges when he doesnt get his way! These are all insANELY short-sighted things for a trillion-year-old to care about!

This is why he can relate to people, and why he acts like a kid sometimes. I firmly believe that he stopped aging the day he destroyed his dimension (which is basically canon i think) not only physically but mentally. He legitimately cannot mature, cannot gain wisdom no matter how much he tries.

He has a lot of INTELLIGENCE and KNOWLEGE, but its like giving a child the library of alexandria and infinite time to explore. Sure theyll probably learn some things out of boredom or curiosity, but theres no curriculum. They COULD read it all, but why would they? That's boring and dumb and they want to climb the shelves and make book forts instead.

Now, more specifically about ckret2's Goldie:

He describes himself as a consumate extrovert. He hangs out with mabel and watches tv and goes to the Rainbow club. And while he does these things, he isnt thinking "this is so below me, why should i care about any of this?" He's just trying to have fun, and is knowingly fulfilling his social needs. He believes he and ford WERE friends.

And the most important part of this that im always thinking about is Bill claiming that being friends, enjoying peoples company, loving, playing, and all that is not mutually exclusive with being an all powerful god of destruction to be worshipped by all.

Which makes sense! Because he is INTELLIGENT and he knows that he's more powerful than these people, and he SHOULD be a being that demands their worship, and he needs to find something that lasts, and makes sense in the wake of INFINITY. But he also has the mind of a mortal, and he thinks the same way he always has. And with both of these insights, the ONLY thing that MAKES SENSE is to have his cake and eat it too. Focus on the big picture while also enjoying the present, SIMULTANEOUSLY.

Manipulating ford to his own end that leads him closer to his forever plan, while also bringing him to karaoke and falling in love. Securing his rule and reputation over the nightmare realm, being feared throughout the multiverse, having his fingers in as many pies as possible-- while partying with his henchmaniacs, drinking out of solo cups and flashing the cops.

Its the only thing that stops him from going crazy. If you have a mortal mind thats built to love and lose and feel and party and wisecrack, and you relinguish it to the horrifying prospect of timelessness, if you're always looking at the existential...you are not going to last a trillion years.

[theriverpointace]

i have this h2g2 headcanon that i'm really rather fond of. im gonna talk about it.

okay so first of all, ford has to be able to speak english. which means that he learned how to speak english. and no, i refuse to believe that betelgeusian Just So Happens to work exactly like english, wow what a weird and useful coincidence! because (a) that's just lazy worldbuilding, and (b) we have at least one word in betelgeusian that translates into english: ford's name, ix. "ix" isn't a given name, it's a betelgeusian word given to ford as a nickname because he couldn't say his own name—and, presumably, neither could anybody around him.

i say that ford has to be able to speak english because he lived for fifteen years on a planet full of people without babel fish in their ears. if he came down and started babbling in betegeusian, he would have had a very different experience here. so he either learned english before hitching a ride to earth (highly unlikely, imo, considering how little a role earth plays in the galaxy—i doubt any earth language is too well-known in the wider galaxy), or he had to learn english when he first arrived. this latter is also backed up, to me, by the fact that ford was a bit careless in his original research. i just feel like he would have done the same thing as when he chose a name: get it almost right, but just a little bit off.

i do think ford picks up languages really quickly. in most parts of the galaxy, it doesn't matter if he can speak a language or not, since babel fish are pretty readily available, and everybody has one. however, because babel fish are so readily available, there's no need for a universal language that everybody speaks. the babel fish only work for your ears, not your eyes, so somebody as well-traveled as ford would, by necessity, pick up some basics in a lot of different languages. these basics probably include primarily what you'll find on menus and in travel ports, if i had to guess. (maybe there's some kind of companion to the guide, a hitchhiker's dictionary. maybe that's part of the guide? idk.)

but aside from the necessity of being able to read at least bits and pieces of many languages when one hitchhikes, i think ford does it to make up for not knowing his dad's praxibetel. so what, he never learned the dialect his father loved. so what, he couldn't ever learn to say his own name. so what, he killed his own father/uncle by doing so. so what?? he's gonna learn every other language in the galaxy, just to prove that he can. he's running around the galaxy, convinced that if he can write an article about a planet and know its dialects well enough to read and write them, then what happened to him won't ever happen to anybody else.

and that leads me to my next conclusion: that ford speaks accented english. obviously, everybody does, but i rather like the idea that the way he talks on earth—and possibly, everywhere else—always strikes everybody around him as different. everything else about him does—why shouldn't his voice? so yeah my ford doesn't have a british accent.

but of course, once they're off earth, up in space, once arthur has a babel fish, there's no need for ford to speak english anymore, so he returns to his native betelgeusian ... which leads to a rather surprised arthur going, "ford, what the hell happened to your accent?!"

because since ford isn't speaking a language arthur already knows, the babel fish has to translate his speech now! and i suppose i don't think the babel fish translates accents. like, i guess i don't totally understand how the babel fish works (am i meant to?) but ... i don't know. i think the fish eats up sound waves and what it excretes is something the user can understand based on what's already in their mind. that is to say, arthur, who grew up british and with british accents, hears anything the babel fish as to translate in a british accent. so when ford stops speaking accented but understandable english, and starts speaking a language arthur doesn't know, the babel fish translates with a british accent because that's just what's in arthur's mind.

tl;dr ford picks up languages really easily because he's got something to prove to his dead dad, he speaks english, and it confuses the hell out of arthur when he stops speaking english because the babel fish doesn't translate accents. this is one of my favorite headcanons about ford.

[bugsinshoes]

ok so i just watched @fordtato and @hkthatgffan 's respective videos about their interview with THE alex hirsch and i wanna just say OH MY GOD like SERIOUSLY

im gonna put my thoughts under the cut so theres no spoilers if you havent seen it already (BUT GO WATCH THEM NOW PLEASE !!!) + its gonna be LONG so BEAR WITH ME

ok, so i have MANY thoughts so sorry if none of this is coherent 😭 (this is not in chronological order of when the questions were asked, just me spewing out my totally normal thoughts about this interview so apologies for that)

starting off:

THE BABY IS SHERMIE?!?!?!? IM SO SO GLAD WE FINALLY HAVE CONFIRMATION WE CAN FINALLY LEAVE THIS TO REST !! I WAS RIGHT THOUGH SO HA !!! ACTUALLY SCREAMING !! TIMELINE BE DAMNED (also another thanks to hana, your timeline video is genuinely awesome. i never shut up about it. ever. any time i talk to my friends abt gf and i need to refer to the timeline i go: "IN HANA'S VIDEO-") anyways, i do understand it was a last minute decision on the writer's part of "oh. dipper and mabel need a grandfather, its not ford, and its sure as FUCK not gonna be stan sooo... third brother?" and i do understand alex being like, "oh, this is about ford and stan only having eachother" so i think making shermie younger was a GOOD THING? like, stan and ford had 18 years of just them so shermie wasnt in the picture, so stan and ford technically grew up on their own so ig it works? also, when stan got kicked out, he never got to see shermie grow up, probably only saw him at events when he had to pretend to be ford (post-1983) and as for ford himself, he was too busy in college and gravity falls to really visit the family so... it works! (despite everything)

that aside, lets talk about THE CRUMBS??? like i have some quotes here because i have a LOT to say:

"theyre both so damaged and they desperately need each other" - alex hirsch (talking about stan and ford)

LIKE SUIUHUSHUSH i HATE these brothers SO MUCH (LIES) i cant actually properly express my thoughts because WOW like its clear that they both have their own trauma and they NEED to address it but theyre both too STUBBORN to do so. theyve both been alone for 40ish years so of course they need each other. they grew up by the hip, so theres no surprise that they both need each other (whether they like it or not)

"[ford's] grateful for the forgiveness he thinks he doesnt deserve" -alex hirsch

ford thinks so lowly of himself at times it HURTS. like the lines in the journal about "only then would the freak return a hero" or about his guilt with bill and everything its just so important to his character im so glad we got so much ford content in this interview. like i am EATING ALL THIS UP RN

"[ford] has to always have a mission in front of him, because if he doesnt have a mission in front of him, hes thinking how have i treated people in my life?" - alex hirsch

ford distracting himself with things instead of facing his problems. probably something he had to do a lot, especially with his time in the multiverse. but it really hurts because i can imagine in the 60s, they never had any great coping mechanisms? so i can assume ford was just conditioned to distract himself from stuff so he never learned how to deal with things. and i KNOW in the journal hes like "i meditate!" and im sure that does help somewhat, but it doesnt address the issue itself soooo... sorry ford, but you cant just breathe your way out of everything

ALSO alex calling ford and fiddlefords falling out a "BREAKUP" (air quotes used) BUT A BREAKUP??? this is just adding fuel to my fiddauthor-infested brain rn. i CANT

and alex saying mcgucket is thinking like, "oh i gotta be a better partner" is HEART SHATTERING like the whole talk about fiddleford being "the building guy" who is kind of just there to make machines and please ford. its honestly so heartbreaking because fiddleford loves ford so much he'd leave his wife and child to go to absolute nowhere, oregon and the fact ford is too arrogant to see fiddlefords admiration and overall love for him its just IUIUAHHAS

and i do wanna say, i KNOW bill played a big part in this, by stroking fords ego and buttering him up with his kind words because he knew exactly what ford wanted to hear and that really affected how ford and fidds' relationship was like but THATS A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME. all i know is that ford isnt entirely to blame, but he still is a massive arrogant asshole and he wasnt the best person to fidds at times (love him tho <3)

but im actually so happy because this interview sheds SO much light onto FORD bcs we BARELY got to know him, and hearing it from MR HIRSCH HIMSELF is just so good because we KNOW its a reliable source because its coming from ALEX YK??? like he wrote ford so he probably knows "oh yeah, that man is guilt-ridden as FUCK" and im so glad we get some crumbs of this guy i cant get enough of him !!! (impatiently waiting for the book of bill)

ANNNDD THE TALK ABOUT MAYBE GETTING A SEA GRUNKS SPINOFF/MINISERIES??? I WOULD EXPLODE GENUINELY ANYTHING WITH MY FAVOURITE OLD MEN PLEASE !! i would genuinely love to see more of their dynamic and how everything is after weirdmaggeddon and like dealing with trauma and UGHHH i would kill for stan/ford content PLEASE

also...

hippie ford.

hippie. ford.

i am never getting over this (im internally SCREECHING)

ANYWAYS THAT WAS MY RANT ABT MY FAV THINGS FROM THE INTERVIEW THAT WAS A LOT GODDAMN

im genuinely so happy with all the questions that got answered, as well as getting some deeper insight into characters and stuff. IM NEVER GETTING OVER THE AMOUNT OF FIDDAUTHOR CRUMBS YOU GUYS

im gonna end this by saying another MASSIVE thank you to hana and hk !! you both put so much effort into your respective videos and it was super super cool !! this was totally worth the wait !!! :D

[fishy--friend]

UHM SHIT I JUST REALIZED SMTH

@dipreblogs (tagging reblog thing so you arent forced to have this pinned to your main forever) PROBABLY WANTED AMONS PERSONALITY AND RELATIONS TO THE CHARACTERS NOT HIS BACKSTORY UHM-

OK SO ITS UNDER THE CUT ASTRAL IF ITS NOT WHAT YOU MEANT TOO IM SO SORRY YOU JUST SEEM CONFUSED AND NOW IM RAMBLING I UH OK ENJOY OR NOT IDC (also spoilers for return to the falls)

OK SO-

overall Amon is, on the surface, a calm and collected child who prefers to be alone. When it comes to new people he doesn't do well, and almost always just ignores them or politely tells them that he's not interested in talking to them. So in general he masks often in public.

But you're not here for THAT, you're here for unmasked Amon! Once he acts like himself, he's pretty much a golden retriever. He's decently hyper, talks about his interests more and is an overall ray of sunshine. He cares deeply for those he befriends, and is often seen playing the roll of peacemaker or defender, though he's not a confrontational person.

Now to the character flaws, oh goody

Amon is impulsive. He's one to act on emotions and not use his head unless he has the time to mentally sift through information. Sort of a beat up first ask questions later kinda person, and needs help staying grounded in situations where his emotions contradict general morals.

He's also deathly insecure about things like truly being a boy, how he acts around others and if people suspect he's not human. He tries desperately to fit in and to fit the mold and to seem appealing to others so that he won't be alone because in reality he's more alone than ever now that he's in Gravity Falls.

Amon's violent, cannibalistic, a bit of a sadist, sensitive, and most of all he is scared.

He's scared that everyone in Gravity Falls is out to get him and that he's going to end up hurt and burned again. He's scared of himself and what he's capable of. He never sees himself as a hero, or as a good person. He sees himself as a monster that is incapable of loving and undeserving of any good in his life. At least...

until he met Dipper.

Dipper treated Amon with nothing but kindness, trusting him with his life and expecting nothing back in return. He lets Amon sleep in his sister's and his bedroom with them, Mabel knits him sweaters, Stan teaches him how to make good deals, Wendy helps him learn how to brush things off, Soos shows him how to fix things that look broken. He might not have a good relationship with Ford at the start, but that teaches him that there are some people he just can't please, and that some people can change.

And most of all... Dipper gave him love. Dipper is the catalyst that helped Amon get himself back together. He worked to be a better person for Dipper. Undeniably so, to the point where he ends up accepting that he might not be normal. That he might be a monster.

But he's loved.

So does that really matter?

[mojavepumpkin]

"so we beat on, like boats against the current. borne back ceaselessly into the past." (cliche, i know but i can't get over that line)

sunday, march 3rd

haven't written in a while, haven't had my computer in a while. left it home when we went to fernandina. it was a good weekend. i was on my phone more than i'd like to have been, the weather was worse than i'd have liked it to have been. still managed to walk 12ish miles, all in all. the weather wasnt so bad when it wasnt raining. cooler than normal, especially sunday. saturday was nicer, walked 9 miles. had a conversation with a man in a silly hat selling free advice. he was nice but i dont feel all that helped, i still appreciate the conversation.

i am disturbed by my lack of preparedness for this literary thing. i have no idea what's going on, what im really doing, who even is running it. oh well, it can only help me i spose. or i could embarrass myself, but i guess i shouldnt get too hung up on that.

i might be getting a new car, or should i say, old truck. which is exciting. this summer. my car is the most expensive out of all of our cars, it was originally mom's and she gave it to me. the insurance is super high, so once we pay it off (in june), we can sell it and get something thats cheaper for me. it just so happens that i have a cheap taste in cars- or trucks. anyway, i hope we'll be able to find a 1998-2011 ford ranger. a tiny little truck for lil ole me.

anyway. im considering deleting youtube. it's tough. it's definitely my most used social media, and i can say 100% that it has made me better and more informed. if you can call it social media. but its also a big "crutch". eating food? watch youtube. getting ready in the morning? watch youtube. cleaning my room? watch youtube (this one is more understandable.)

given it more thought. i will delete it as an experiment. i think i need to learn how to practice mindfulness instead of consuming content every waking moment of my life. i need a book on it, maybe. definitely.

my mind feels very busy at the moment. let me think. the tv is very loud. i feel very hot. my room is dirty. okay. breathe.

what will happen tomorrow? anything of note? not that i can think of, i might make plans. that could be nice. i like keeping myself busy. i wish i could've figured out plans with J today, but nothing materialized - i just went outside by myself. i haven't read very much. but i haven't been on my phone very much. so i guess i've been doing things. i dont have any homework due. i dont have work tomorrow. i should be happy. i need to return a book to the library, and i cant think of anything else i need to do.

tomorrow might be a good day to walk. i'll speak to some folks. i'm trying to incorporate some more southernness into my speaking voice. idk, i'd like to feel like my voice is some kind of connection to the place from which i originate. i tried so hard to get rid of it, now i dont have it all and want it back. thats life.

despite not having known him for very long or very intimately i see a lot of my grandfather in myself. he has become sort of a kindred spirit i spose, for myself. maybe i do believe in the afterlife, i can still kind of feel him. maybe thats the afterlife we get, the feeling we leave with people. even though he isnt my biological grandfather, he was the only grandfather i knew on that side of my family that i ever knew. and now is certainly the only positive father like figure there. maybe all of those parts of him that are in me now are like little shrines i've built so that he can live on. our love of johnny cash, western movies, ford rangers, and straight-edge shaving. maybe i should start fishing more seriously, honestly i've thought about it often. i'd like to go fishing with a buddy. i just need a pole and some know-how, or my friend being the know-how could work too. i love him very much now, even though he is somewhat of a stranger to me. he loved my grandma, i can see that. i read one of their letters and was moved to tears. life is something incredible.

[ididkn0w]

So we got to the factory and met the Turkish family company ppl that we had met in Vegas. N it’s like silly that I’m thwre bc of course im like a kid and like have no involvement in this n like yeah I’m just always there. So then we were in this like conference room for like two hours I’d say? Maybe more and like they were obv talking about business n shit n I don’t understand half of it so I’m zoned out most of the time thibking about u. Did I tell u about how I thought about about that time I ran away to u😭 I just don’t know if I alr talked about it n I don’t wanna repeat myself. Ok so yeah I was just there n like whatever and they were always offering Turkish tea or Turkish coffee and I loveeee Turkish tea it’s soooo good I just know u would like it I’ll try to buy u some. I took a pic of it for u and they also gave us son Turkish snacks n they were yummy I think u would like them but they were good I just don’t like nuts at all. It reminded me that i wanted to eat Colombian empanadas with uuuu😩😩😩 So then they gave us a tour of the favors which was like an hour n a half it was rlly cool it reminded me so much of my grandpas factory in Colombia I wish I could take u there n like I rmb they would put me to “work”in the factory but all I ever did was like sort some cables or smth just so they could keep me busy n shit. But yes I’d love for u to come. So yes ok so there were sooooo many puzzles everywhere like on the walls like paintings u can see In Some of the pictures I sent. So basically the owner was the one who made all of em he loves puzzles n they’re huge n there was like thirty of them hung. So ofc he was my grandpas age and then their sons were like my moms age and then they have a son who is my age around but he wasn’t there n like ofc it’s just like Ik we don’t give a fucj we too young n whatever. He is in college in amstwrdamn n I kept thinking about us visiting there it would be soooo good. So yes then we went down to the factory on the first floor oh wait we went to the top floor first that was the view it’s so cool. So basically where the factory is is an area where only automotive companies can be so alllll of that area is auto part companies which is cool as fuck to me like a land with only factories and only auto part factories. Well turkey is the country with the best and biggest auto part like industry. It used to be textiles but I think it’s now china or somewhere in Asia. But I’m pretty sure it’s china. This factory supplies to European ford and Renault. That’s called smth like oem Idk what it stands for but yes that means like to the automotive company’s themselves and then there’s another one that’s called after market and so in the auto parts industry it’s either oem or after market. So this company was oem and ours is after market which means to places like o Reilly and other popular ones I forgot the name of. Basically we’re not as “successful”? As them id say? I think they have like more and stuff but it’s all by region so basically they’re rlly good in turkey and in Europe and so ours is like “America” and in Colombia Ik it’s like a “leading” auto part company. But I mean it’s just Colombia. So basically what everyone wants is a “door” to America. Everyone wants to get into the United States industry like that’s why hay everyone wants. If ur in the United States and leading that means ur very successful. And my mom I’ve told u before is in charge of that. My grandpas company is in Colombia but she is like in charge of like the distribution in the United States I’ve kinda mentioned that before. I’m rlly just trynna explain what I understood😭 so Ik I’ve also told u that they want to make a factory in Mexico rmb we talked about monte rey? That ur parents could move there? So the thing is u probably know what nafta is already but if u don’t just know case idk if it’s like an American thing I learned in like middle skl😭 but it means North American free trade agreement and basically Canadá United States and mexico Can trade without like tariffs n stuff. N that’s why “we” don’t like china like

[hopefuldeertyphoon]

7 Hilarious Dating Sim Games on Steam (& 7 that are Just Weird)

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[aquato-family-circus]

thinking about tim schafer's raw power that basically ran a game studio on chewing gum and toothpicks, loving his creation so much that he kept trying to make it for YEARS. yes, there are supporters and dedicated fans, but psychonauts 1 is still mostly a "cult classic". The people who love Psychonauts made Psychonauts 2, and didn't just *make* a sequel, but a sequel which was updated for the times (i.e. the accessibility settings, the user warning and link to mental health site, the story being *slightly* less kooky to give space to heavier ideas.)

Idk where but I think there is an interview with Tim Schafer where he essentially says that this game is for the players of the first one who grew up with and since the game, which I totally felt while playing. For Raz it's been a few days, but the player is back, is older, and maybe there are ways they DON'T fit into the world anymore, without some childlike wonder.

Maybe you're like Cassie now; tending to something from your past without making the steps to move forward

Maybe you're like Compton now; Anxious about the judgement of your peers, even those that you love

Maybe you're like Otto; you are adjusting okay to your adult or older life, but you've lost touch with those you used to hold dear, and still have some lingering regret

Maybe you're Bob; coping poorly with the weight of life, or trauma, or loss. Feeling alone on an island, or pushing people away

Maybe you're Helmut; you've lost some sense of identity, or felt lost yourself, or become overwhelmed with life in the present

Maybe you're Ford; You hurt so deeply you completely shattered your sense of self, and have hard time recognizing or being proud of the you that is left

Or, maybe, you're Lucy, and life has hurt you so terribly that you decided to Hurt Back.

The game feels like it got older with me, and every moment made me Feel So Intensely because while the story is mostly about trauma and how Bad Action is not the same as Bad Person, it really feels like a story, to me, about growing up, and aging out of the world you were used to.

For me, since I was a little kid when I played the first game, it felt like the game was saying "hey, you know all of the stress and fear you get from growing into an adult? How you can't be as close to the people you care for anymore? How things you knew as fact suddenly Aren't? It sucks, but it doesn't have to. We can still find joy, and whimsy, and love in all the dark places of ourselves and others. Life is different now that we're older, but we can adapt, too. We can find the people that lift us up, grow from our hurt instead of revel in it, and, just maybe, at the end we will Learn to Swim"

brb im gonna cry

While I didn't quite grow up with Psychonauts in the sense that I never managed to beat the game - it has always been with me in one way or another. I think I watched my brother play it, then it was one of the first LP's I ever watched on youtube (pour one out to the guy's channel I don't think theyre findable anymore this was like. Late 2000s/Early 2010s).

So for me playing the sequel felt like. Getting to know an acquaintance I've known my whole life after seeing each other and learning we both ended up growing up into the weird artsy person. And becoming friends!! and learning it's a small world and people are more complicated than you think. And finding out in some way you'd been drawn to each other for some kind of reason that makes sense in the end.

This whole game and experience has just felt very special to me. I feel, seen?? I feel like the story looked at me and says hey you also have your own world inside you and that's facinating and beautiful! There's people like you who go thru heartache and it doesnt "make them stronger" but they get through it and have ppl who love them.

that's just, really cool... much 2 think about

[transmogrified-in-the-void]

please explain pyschonauts to me im incredibly interested now

Okay this is gonna be long

so psychonauts is about this 10 year old circus kid razputin "raz" aquato who is psychic. his family doesn't like psychics because a long time ago a psychic cursed the entire family to die in water. he loves to read this magazine abt psychic agents called the psychonauts called true psychic tales, and one day some dude gives him this flyer for this psychic camp called whispering rock. his dad finds it and destroys it. so raz runs away on a pony then hitches a ride and gets there.

whispering rock is actually a secret government camp for future psychonauts or psychic children of psychonauts. it's run by coach oleander, who is short and has a head to body proportion of 80% to 20%, camilla "milla" vodelo, the representation of the right side of the brain who thinks and lives the 80s and calls everyone darling and has probably done every drug known to man recreationally but who knows, and sasha nein, the left brain rep who is tall and green and a scientist/inventor and his brain is actually a cube.

there's also ford cruller, who is seen around camp doing like every job bc he can teleport but he doesn't remember bc his brain is fractured and he needs to be near the psitanium deposits to stay mentally together.

after breaking in during a speech by coach oleander, raz's parents are called but they wont be there for a few days, so he can stay and do stuff. he does coach's "basic braining" which is the tutorial level and it's full of like war stuff. by going through mental vaults (which hold memories), it turns out he was rejected from every military everything (including cook!) bc he's too short.

also there's this kid called bobby zilch who does this funky dance and song thing bc he thinks he's better than raz and when raz absolutely kills it in the level he takes bobby's taunt and it's so fucking funny.

anyways! sasha sees raz doing so good and is like "here's a button. go to my secret lab :)" and raz does but also you can make him talk to the kids and he'll straight up ask if they know where it is like i love him

you go and he has this thing called the brain tumbler where it goes into raz's mind which is the caravan he was born in and it's all dark and as he goes through it there's all these vines and stuff, eventually coming to this huge tower that raz has never seen, and when he looks in he sees this evil dentist dude in a shower cap who's doctor loboto, unlicensed dentist and ameature brain surgeon, with this kid named dogen (another camper), and threatens to make him sneeze his brain out.

raz is pulled out of the brain tumbler and he runs to dogen and looks in his ears and turns out he's brainless! so he gets his oarsman badge and goes to milla's brain to learn levitation (its a ball you can run on and a balloon that floats down slowly). i love her brain though because it's literally just an 80s party. also she has hidden trauma aka she went to get groceries and the orphanage she took care of burned and she heard all the children screaming for her :)))) you also go to sasha's mind to learn psi blast, and his brain is a literal cube and you fight censors (an enemy). raz is 10 so he puts the lever up to danger the moment sasha leaves, releasing so many censors and also parts of sasha's brain comes out of the cube. there's this giant censor and sasha returns at that point and says something like "you're my own creation i command you to stop!!!" also turns out that sahsa's mom died when he was young and he used psychic powers to learn abt her from his dad's brain thoughts on her. he ran away bc his dad was thinking abt sexy times eventually and he was scarred.

SO raz goes back into the brain tumblr and sees dogen sneeze his brain out, he follows it and ends up in coach oleander's mind again and sees plans for an evil brain tank before being forced out bc sasha turned off the brain tumbler and runs off for psychonauts business. he leaves behind a door called a psycho portal that can take raz into ppls brains.

he meets this girl named lili (who wants to make out with him real bad??? and he's just like :) hi im raz abt it its so funny he kisses her twice but its weird idk man it was 2005), and they think that coach is going to take over the world by stealing the brains of the campers and turning them into brain tanks or whatever. before they can even do anything lili is taken by this thing called a lungfish only this one is huge and raz is forced to take this thing called the bathysphere that's just a waterproof tank to save her

he and the lungfish fight under an air bubble and when he beats the lungfish he goes into her brain and it's just a kaiju movie sort of thing and frees the lungfish of oleander's control. once she's free, the lungfish takes raz to the asylum and when raz asks what her name is she says her name is linda, gives raz a thing to call her, and leaves.

raz goes into this dude boyd's brain to get into the asylum, and enters one of the best levels in the game: the milkman conspiracy. apparently it's based off the mind of a paranoid schizophrenic, but god is it so cool!!! i can't even- it's just so good and i love it and it has so many good lines. anyways once you fix up boyd's brain by reminding him that he is the milkman and he can throw milk Molotov's, you go into three people's brains.

gloria von gouton is an actress who has a horrible and very evil inner critic, and after literally beating him up and turning him tiny she feels much better and walks around the garden outside. edgar teglee is a painter and ex-wrestler who was cheated on by his girlfriend the day of like finals i think and he's haunted by both of those things, and by killing the mental image of his ex and the guy she cheated on him with while also portraying the inhumanity of bullfighting, you're able to let him finish a painting of dr. loboto. also there's fred bonapart who's suffering from a mental version of napoleon bonapart who's his ancestor and that world is like catan but way cooler.

you need to get this dude named crispin to think you're dr. loboto and you do bc he can't see very well by holding a claw while wearing a straight jacket and teglee's painting. by going up the asylum you can get the camper's brains (which raz kisses as he gets them in true 10 year old fashion), and you find this lady named sheegor who is being forced to help dr. loboto bc he's holding her turtle mr. pokeylope captive.

once you get mr pokeylope (who sounds like a full ass adult man its so funny), you use his brain to throw dr. loboto off the side of the tower (he lives) and rebrain sasha and milla, who are in a separate room with lili but were brainless.

oleander shows up and tries to beat them but sasha and milla are too good and also ford shows up with psitanium on his back and sneezing powder which makes coach sneeze out his brain. then boyd blows up the asylum and everyone in there leaves. meanwhile in the courtyard, everyone but raz thinks its over but coach is actually in the big brain tank and survived the explosion and he knocks everyone but raz out bc he has a bone to pick w him and they fight. raz wins but sneezes his brain out which he then telekenises into the tank with coach and their brain worlds merge into another absolutely amazing level: the meat circus

raz sees a young oleander who's trying to protect a bunny from his dad. after looking at some memories (oleander's dad killed the bunnies in front of him) you fight his dad and defeat him but then raz's version of his dad shows up and needs to prove that he's still an aquato by acrobatting his way up and away from rising water while brain dad is throwing explosive bowling pins at him.

also this entire time something's been saying 'razputin' and after fighting both dad's at once and they fall into a meat mincer raz's actual dad appears and is like 'hey wait you think that's me??? raz im also psychic i just wanted to protect you bc i thought that by showing you were psychic ppl might try and hurt you :(( but i understand now that this is who u are and i support you'

and then this horrible mix of raz brain dad and oleander dad appears and raz's real dad turns him into a big psychic version of raz who beats up the brain dads and then he wakes up with his brain in his body and oleander apologizes for trying to take over the world.

and then it before everyone leaves and raz is making the decision of staying in the psychonauts (ford made him a psychonaut!!!) or going back to the circus turns out the leader of the psychonauts, lili's dad, is kidnapped and they need to leave, and that's psychonauts 1

[dunadaan]

uuuuuguguhhhh i hit the biggest snag in my grey company fic yet, which i KNEW would be a big headache but not this big.

i love the lotr films and the books but i like the films a little more- there’s a lot more breathing room and things are slowed tf down. The books are almost non stop action and travel (except when they rest for a month or two lol), and then as soon as they leave lorien they literally never stop moving and it is SUCH a big pain in the ass. (more under the cut if anyone wants to hear the ramblings of a mad woman)

in the books, pippin looks into the palantir, finds out about MT. they all ride like fucking mad men, but gandalf takes pippin to MT, theoden and GC retreat to helms deep. aragorn looks into palantir at helms deep and sees the black ships, and realizes elronds words- they have 10 days before MT falls maybe. theoden leaves first, to arrive at edoras ---> dunharrow but takes the “mountain paths”. aragorn and co and GC leave at dawn. “and while theoden went by slow paths in the hills, the Grey Company passed swiftly over the plain, and on the next day in the afternoon they came to Edoras, and there they halted only briefly, ere they passed up the valley, and so came to Dunharrow as darkness fell.” (ROTK 765) everyone pretty much knows what theyre doing, and gets it done without waiting. aragorn gets to dunharrow first, goes through paths, theoden arrives like a day or two later or smth im too lazy to delve further.

in the films though the palantir scene is delayed until after the return to Edoras with everyone and they even get a party! yay! the GC deserve a good party! especially after the shit theyve just been through lol. so the morning after pippin gets fried by the palantir, gandalf has a little meeting to tell everyone what happened. also the whole bit with Theoden being like uhm...what do we owe gondor...bitch! idk if i’d keep cuz it’s just so ooc but i get why they have it for the films they need that conflict and delay. but anyways, gandalf tells aragorn about the ships, presumably from what pippin told him about what he saw in the palantir, rather than aragorn looking into it himself. or maybe the brief moment he touched it aragorn did see it but w/e. anyways. but he doesnt tell him about the paths, elrond does (elrond is 100% cut sorry lol)

so like everyone has to sit on their ass in edoras while waiting for the beacons after Gandalf gets there (which btw fucks up my timeline so severely i’m wondering if i shouldn’t even bother with my calendar anymore bc i want the film pace in the beginning, shit NEEDS to slow down and they need a fucking break!!!!!! the GC asses are sore!!). the issue is this-- Aragorn knows he must “follow the river and look for the black ships” but not how. They all stay in Edoras sitting and farting and they all go together to Dunharrow once the beacons are lit, rather than separately. And then Elrond comes (don’t even get me STARTED on this scene i love elrond but it makes NO SENSE!!) and tells him hey. use the ghosts. not the women that could probably fight if anyone gave them a chance lol. and THATS what spurs aragorn to go through. and then legolas spouts the prophecy of malbeth which excuse me, why does he know, mirkwood bumpkin.

so now I have this dilemma of information- it’s a matter of when its given, not the information itself. The Grey Company’s whole purpose is A. to aid Aragorn in the hour of his need, at his own (subconscious) behest, and B. bring the words of Elrond to him: Bid Aragorn remember the words of the seer, and the Paths of the Dead. Why would Aragorn and the GC pause at Edoras to party if they know to go that way? If they’re back at Edoras, they don’t know that MT is the next target because Pippin only looks then, not when they’re just outside the Fords of Isen. So are the words nonsensical until they learn from the palantir? I would say maybe they don’t know quite yet where the paths are, but Aragorn in the books definitely happens to know, and in the films he stumbles on it by going with Theoden. I dont think Aragorn could rest much if he knew the words of GC, he’d be mulling them over for a while and then just leave w/o Theoden like he does in the books to get there faster once he did know....maybe we can pretend the info was lost, or Aragorn doesnt mention it until they get to dunharrow to theoden...? who tf knows. its 2am though and my brain is mush and my desk is strewn with maps and timelines and the books so. perhaps a thought for tomorrow

[lunar-lair]

ok say hello to my insanely new oc who ive made entirely to be a villain who is still an excellent adult and a decent parent, probably. cares too much abt kids. think reigen mob psycho with a drop or two of milla. worked under Nick From The Mailroom and was actually in on his scheme.

has always been rather cold and brash towards adults, but is more caring towards kids. in my brain he has a brooklyn type accent? rough and tumble, walks around without a tie, yknow? they keep him cause he sorts mail real good, though.

(added a read more because this got INSANELY LONG AKSKSK i spent like an hr on this h)

he was a delugeionist, but only because he kinda just wanted to rip the world apart a little; lysandre vibes, thinks a lot of it is scum and needs to go. thinks the *psychonauts* are scum and need to go. hes psychic but suppressed it, think aquato parents but extra toxic about it, and straight up just saying being psychic is unnatural. wouldnt go to loboto parent lengths tho. so he adopted that thought of 'being psychic is unnatural and wrong', which contributed to a lot of self hate that was never learned out. likely, he realizes hes a shitty person and thinks he needs to go too. so like...yknow hank, dbh? kinda the vibe im gettin right now. way more formal, of course, and while usually gruff, is more polite when its needed; can and *will* beat the shit out of you verbally in a factual way, though, and can talk more street-lingo if hes talkin to real thugs. (probably winged it on his own after failing college or smth, hes got the vibes.)

anyways, its this plot where he slinks off and starts planting mistrust in the psychonauts or something. and inevitably he just...shows up and starts kidnapping people. dismantling things from the inside and all that. he left and formed a group who also hated psychics at some point, likely friends of his parents and friends of friends, all from his hometown. all of them fight *insanely* dirty, and a lot of them are insanely vulgar. the kids are supposed to be kept away.

but theres a line to follow here.

this man is a fold to raz. hates the psychonauts, hates being psychic, adopted his parent's hate of psychics, hates the *world.* raz is young and unburdened and unjaded...mostly. hes not the shock of water some young characters can be when it comes to being the foils of other characters; think steven with a villain or something, right? but raz is sassy and a little jaded, and not total sunshine positivity.

hes a child this man could look down on and not be immediately annoyed by, who is worried by yet respects raz's realization of the world as it is, however little that is.

and yet raz is still his foil. he still mostly loves the psychonauts, despite it all, he loves being psychic, for the most part, he dodged adopting his parents previous values, he still seems to have an even view of the world as a whole.

raz is jaded, if only a little, but he moved past it and accepted that things could still be bright. this man is jaded, but he stayed in his stormclouds, never looked for the sun.

ok where. was i. RIGHT ok so. at the beginning of this...story? the man finds raz being talked down to by one of the office workers; someone with weak psychic powers whos insanely jealous of his prowess. an adult who envies the young prodigy. and theyre giving him some insane task to do, like cleaning all of the closets within the hour, but hes saved the world twice, so he smiles and nods along, because he said he would help around the motherlobe, and this adult is asking him to do something that seems simple enough.

and this guy, internally, goes 'bitch.' for a good long second bc 1. dude even if you envy a kid, kinda fucked to show that?? not their fault 2. WHY are you asking a 10 year old to do that. why is there a 10 year old here. holy shit thats a 10 year old oh my god hes so tiny (no one told him there was a 10 year old because they knew hed stomp right up to management but. regardless. he is going to stomp up to management after this and no one can really stop him. except maybe raz well see)

so yknow. dude fixes his slight slouch and walks forward and politely tells this woman that 1. hes 10 why are you jealous of him and 2. hes 10????????? and shes like shit hes 10. and apologizes. and walks away

and raz is VERY ?? bc she was doing what? why is him being 10 important? and its that young part of you that gets pissed when people try to keep you from doing things because youre young and hes DEFINITELY yet to learn that piling responsibilites that should be handled by adults onto a child is fucked up in its own special way (looking at you ford, *nick*)

and the dude calmly explains because yea. he gets that. and he still sounds gruff and a little peeved but he squats down to razs height and he talks simply and factually, telling him straight on why it isnt right.

and. huh. people dont really do that for raz. except for sasha, sometimes, everyone likes to dodge the truth a lot with him, because hes 10, and sometimes, hes too nice to tug it out of them.

and this guy, this man that raz is already polishing a trophy for 'good adulting' in the back of his brain with his striking statements about how adults should handle things and kids should-kids should...get to have fun. not be traumatized.

for the shock on his face when raz said hed already saved the world a couple times, whats some closets. he reigned it in, said that its weird he saved the world, because thats usually their jobs.

and this guy offers his hand on instict before he stands up, even though he doesnt seem very sweet and kind like the adults that usually offer raz a hand. and he takes it, i think. he takes it.

warm. warm, a little nice.

reminds raz of his dad, maybe. he wonders if this man has any kids himself, but keeps his mouth shut, because he thinks he already has the answer, and its yes.

(he doesnt have any. he would wish he did, but he knows hed fail to raise them right.)

and when he stands, he asks raz what he was asking that woman for, and he says hes doing tasks around the motherlobe because his papers are still coming in. the man doesnt ask. (he knows what 'papers' means, realizes this is the tiny junior psychonaut every room in the damn place has been buzzing about, and he has fucking words for forsythe.) he just offers for the kid to sort mail under his supervision.

and that sounds boring. at least, it usually would.

this man is interesting, and a good...person? a good adult? hes...hes new. hes new, and calm, and a little like sasha but a lot not, and he thinks he trusts him.

so raz grins and says yea, mail sorting sounds nice.

(debatably, raz does not take his hand. hes too jaded when it comes to adults. debatably, he does not feel any warmth from this man who has taught him every adult has been telling him wrong. debatably, im projecting. but thats the whole point of ocs, hm?)

and then holes crop up in motherlobe systems. people are kidnapped.

raz keeps seeing the strange man, keeps telling him things, keeps hearing back, gruff and factual and a little annoyed, but raz can almost-just-barely tell its not at him, with the way he talks.

he can tell. he can tell.

he can never tell. this man is making sure he can tell.

raz trusts the man, is still polishing that trophy for 'best adulting' he has settling in the back of his mind.

and then the man comes with a militia.

he did not seem jaded. he did not seem hateful. he never showed any anger or hate towards raz.

but thats because he knows kids dont deserve it.

an excellent moral or two. a rotten, broken heart.

and at first, they keep the kids away, because these people fight dirty, because this isnt their battle, because the man has been sending emails about why 15 year olds are in a secret psychic agency.

(he does not mention raz. by razs second visit, he had just marked the boy down as another reason to hate the psychonauts as a whole, and especially its higher ups.

hes also regretting his alliance to nick by about the third. if he had known the man would puppet a child as if they were a toy, he would have organized his own rebellion ages ago.)

but eventually, the psychonauts need all hands on deck.

they send the children to find the missing agents.

the interns are fought on the way. some of them avoid the child, know the boss would pummel them.

they get to the base, and the strange man, the one with the broken trophy for 'best adult' (still barely-polished, because hes still so sure) still nestled in the back of razs brain, is still there.

the junior psychonauts are spotted. one of the guards throws a few rocks aimlessly.

they surprise them. one almost hits raz.

its intercepted instead.

and the other junior psychonauts watch as this man, their enemy, a villain, in their eyes, reprimands the other man for even accidentally daring, for even trying. for doing something they might have done just a month or so ago, if they had decided he was too much weirder than they already had.

and he yells something like, "Why the hell is he even here?! This is an enemy base, of whats a rebellion! This is a *10 year old*! What kind of adult sends a child *near* something like that?!" and he truly sounds angry this time, raz finds. hes too angry to keep it in. he still sounds gruff and oddly proper. raz is standing there, arms hanging. hes baffled in a specific way, the way he was every time the man's brow furrowed when he mentioned a harrowing story, the way he was the first day they met.

and he asks, a little quiet, a little small, a reminder of how young he really is, "Why are you still trying to keep me safe? We're supposed to be enemies now."

And his brow furrows further before flattening out, and he tilts onto one leg, and he swears he almost kneels to a knee.

He cant believe it. He really cant.

"You're 10." he says simply, softly, that factual way. "You shouldn't even be here."

and raz pauses. the interns freeze.

"...well, here I am."

and i think...it would be so intriguing if this was done halfway out of the mind, because this man is so against anything psychic. it would be so *compelling.*

so raz steps forward and asks again, asks why hes doing this.

and the mans eyes harden, he tries to turn off that soft heart, trying to remind himself of all that he hates. because he hates the psychonauts, because he sort of hates the world.

and raz asks why he could ever hate the psychonauts, head tilted, before listing off the few he knows to be true. but other than that, how? and ok, the world sucks a little, yea, hes seen that, gets that.

and he appreciates that this kid isnt totally gung ho about existence.

but he hates that he isnt, too.

and its this back and forth. everything the man hates, why he hates it. raz saying why its good but admitting why its bad.

and hes swayed, just a little.

but the man stands up from the kneel hed inevitably instinctively put himself into, and walks forward, hand held out yet again.

"You shouldn't be in the Psychonauts," he tells him, soft, factual, brow furrowed. "Come with me. I'll bring you back to your parents, or wherever it is you want to go."

raz contemplates. thinks, for a long moment.

he grabs the mans hand, warm and firm, yet again, for a terrifying moment.

before he reaches up to slap a mental door on his forehead, and astral projects into it.

he thinks this man is good. thinks hes just jaded.

thinks hes the best adult hes ever met, one who just happens to hate a lot of things.

hes only 10.

hes not letting someone who can tell him so clearly whats wrong and right for adults to tell him go that easily.

aaaand yknow. raz does his razzy thing. learns about why the guy hates the world and the psychonauts and himself. helps him learn that its not all bad, that he was excellent to raz, and still is, that things can be bad and good all at once.

the man concedes that raz is very capable, very smart, and can do a lot. but that doesnt mean he should have to.

raz tells him, though, that he likes working for the psychonauts. its his dream. and he realizes some things he was told to do were kinda screwed up, now. that maybe, in honesty, he was dealt a bad hand.

but hes done what he can with that hand, and he ended up with a royal flush.

and uh! yknow!! then raz leaves his mind and he calls off the rebellion! its like a rhombus of ruin type adventure, except without the villain being present beforehand. its just not clustered in insanely close with a ton of other wild shit.

anyways this got really long? sorry?? its an oc i just saw good adult and slight father vibe potential in the vibe i instantly got on him and then i went feral???? rip maybe someone will read this and if you did. congrats i honestly really liked how the whole foil and good-yet-bad and consideration of raz being 10 thing worked out. this oc is almost like our representative in the psychonauts world the way reigen is for the audience in mp100. yea :) i match them up a lot but thats just cause they vibe a lot. anyways its 1:40 am now and i spent abt an hour on this hope it vibed mildly byeeee

[cringe-car-guy]

Need to vent here because I feel stuck af. I met my buddy Steve last summer after grid life. His brother Chris ran a shop down in canon city. At the time my 240 was running and driving.

Well as ls swaps go. Some issues arose with the car and Steve recommended I send it to his brother. Me trusting Steve with alot of things said ok.

I began sending Chris 500 bucks a month. For some parts for the car. I also started recording for their YouTube channel at the shop. I've only put out a few videos but it's starting to take off.

Shortly after this started I began working at ford and made some great friends while I worked there. It was super convenient since it was right off the highway. At the time I was still on leave from the army. The management was terrible with their communication with the techs. Eventually techs started dropping like flies and I left as well. I asked Chris if he had a position open and if I could fill in and Learn some stuff. He let me come on and I started work right away. I had issues finding a place and he helped me get into one. I had to wait a week to move in so a coworker let me stay over. This coworker is also a key player in all this. (M)

I finally get into my place and. Check it out. The place was a dump but It had enough room for my stream set up so I sucked it up and dealt with it.

Immediately after I moved into town m began spilling the beans on her relationship and how many boyfriends she had. Personally I didn't care for this information but I let it carry on. Her husband was racing rx7s and I thought that was cool but that's about as far as my relationship with them went. But I noticed more at work that she was always giving idle threats and very real ones that affected how all of us techs worked.

Note she was only the office lady and she was only in charge of repair orders. But she always had a dog in the fight whenever someone messed something up down to the smallest level.

Recently I had a spill in the back because I was unfamiliar with the oil tanks we used.

Context: the tanks come from the factory only using 15 pounds of pressure to dump the oil. The one that blew up in my face had a regulator that had a setting for 150 pounds of pressure. This tank was already set to max pressure and I had no idea what I was in store for.

So on this day the tank had made a massive mess and I was covered in oil. At this point there was no way I was sticking around. I had to get clean as soon As possible. My coworker Josh took me home and waited for me to shower. Well after I put my boots on I got a call from M she told me I was irresponsible for leaving oil in the back lot and for leaving my mustang. In the front. (I didn't have the key for it at the time) and I was off the clock for leaving and showering. All of this information had already been addressed but for some reason she felt the need to actually call me about it over the phone. And when I say this lady is disrespectful I mean it. She threatens to beat the mechanics regularly. Personally I don't take any threat lightly. Playful or not. It's not cute and personally it pisses me off.

So when I got back to the shop I told her how I felt about the way she talked to me. I definitely got loud about it because this was a serious situation. I had josh in the room as a safety.

Afterwards Chris came back to the shop and I told him what happened. For some reason he agreed that I should've stayed and cleaned up. (I make minimum wage/ not for so little money I wont).

So now I'm mad.

The next day josh gets in her shit too.

Wednesday she pouts all day because her feelings got hurt

I go to lunch with Josh this day because we're both pissed and wanna get away from the shop. He tells me about an incident a few months before I showed up.

Nick was working at the shop and was party❄ buddies with another mechanic and chris (the owner). Im like cool what does this have to do with me.

According to Josh Chris had made alot of money on a job and decided to get some dope with nick. Some events happened and the split ways on bad terms. Alot of money was involved and some of it was mine.

Same thing ThursdayFriday. But this time I know Chris is doing dope in the bathroom.

Friday rolls around and I'm balls deep into a 64 grand prix at the end of the day I have to leave for the army. As I'm leaving I hear in ear shot "yea he's a great guy but he's a shit mechanic" at this point I wanna start whoopin ass. But I decided to leave and wave as I go.

Today is Sunday and I realized he didn't even sign the check I got friday.

I'm really torn and I feel stuck. Just gonna wait this one out and see how the chips fall. This is definitely a cry for help but I know it'll be ignored.

[thelastspeecher]

Egg Stan Origins

In my notes earlier today, I saw that someone had liked one of my Egg Stan ficlets, and I decided to reread said ficlet.  And then before I knew it, I was writing stuff for the Egg Stan AU, because I can’t control myself.  So here, have...whatever this is.

——————————————————————————————

              Ford slowly drifted back to wakefulness.  As he opened his eyes, a fish darted across his field of vision.

              Shit!  I’m underwater!  Panicking, Ford began to swim for the surface, before realizing that he wasn’t drowning.  He let himself sink back to the ocean floor.  Why can I breathe underwater?  He held out his hands to inspect them.  His mouth went dry.  Thin, red webbing stretched between his twelve fingers.  He looked down at his legs.  Or rather, where his legs used to be.  In their place was a large, extravagant tail with golden scales and red fins.

              “Fuck,” he whispered.  He ran a hand through his hair.

              I’m- I’m a merman?  How did that happen?  He racked his brain, desperate for answers.  The creature!  The last thing he remembered was being on the ship, with a massive sea serpent bearing down upon them.  When the serpent opened its mouth to spray venom at him, Stan had jumped in front of him to act as a shield.  Stanley!

              “Oh no, oh no, oh no,” Ford muttered, frantically looking around for his twin.  There weren’t any other mermen in the vicinity.

              Maybe he avoided this fate?  Doubtful.  Ford’s eyes landed on what looked like a large fish egg, partially buried in the sand. He swam over, rendered clumsy by his new tail, and gently lifted the egg from the sand.  The egg was red but transparent, allowing him to see the very young mer curled up within.  Is this- is this Stan?

              “No.  That’s not possible.”  Ford spoke aloud in an attempt to convince himself.  The mer in the egg suddenly twisted around, revealing its face.  Ford’s heart plummeted.  The mer had a face he recognized well.  No one outside their family had that large, ruddy nose.  “Stanley…”  Ford held the egg close to his chest, panic rising.

              Stan’s been turned into a mer child still in utero. I’m fully grown, but a merman. What am I supposed to do? Suddenly, his ears picked up the sound of voices in the distance.  He swallowed nervously.  I’m not one to typically ask for help, but I don’t really have a choice, do I? Ford swam towards the voices.  As he got closer, he saw the source – a young merman and mermaid, probably related, judging by their similar features.

              “Excuse me,” Ford called.  The merman and mermaid changed course, swimming over to him.  “I- I need some help.”

              “Why aren’t ya speakin’ Mermish?” the merman asked in thickly accented English.  His tail was a burnt orange, contrasting with his dark hair.

              “I wasn’t aware that merfolk had their own language,” Ford said.  The merman and mermaid looked doubtfully at each other.  “I- I’m human, you see, and-”

              “Uh, if you were a former human, you’d have a belly button,” said the merman, sounding suspicious.  Ford looked down.  His jaw dropped.

              “What the-”  He stared at the completely smooth skin where his belly button had previously been located.  “I don’t- I don’t know how that happened.”

              “Who’s this lil feller?” the mermaid cooed, peering at the egg Stan was in.  Her accent was just as thick as the merman’s.  She and the merman had the same large nose, but her hair was caramel-colored, matching her pale yellow tail.

              “My twin brother.  What happened to make me like this, it- somehow it affected him more severely and-”

              “What’s a twin?” the merman asked.

              “A sibling born at the same time as you.”

              “Yer claimin’ this cutie is from the same clutch you hatched from?” the mermaid asked.

              “Yes?  No? Look, I don’t understand your mer terminology, I’m human!” Ford burst out.  The merman and mermaid exchanged a concerned look.

              “It’s okay,” the mermaid said soothingly.  She held out her hands.  “I can take yer brother so’s ya can swim better.”

              “No!”  Ford held Stan’s egg even tighter.  Stan swirled around in the egg.  Alarm flashed in the mermaid’s eyes.

              “Okay, okay,” she said.  “I won’t take ‘im.  But I think that it might be best if ya come with us to our house, at least fer the night. It’ll get dark soon.  The guppy eels come out when the light fades.”

              “G-guppy eels?” Ford stammered.

              “They eat eggs ‘n guppies,” the merman said. Ford’s heart leapt into his throat. “Are ya goin’ to come with us, stranger?”  Ford swallowed.

              “I don’t really have any other choice,” he mumbled.  The merman patted him on the back.

              “That’s the spirit.  Don’t worry, we’ve got plenty of room fer the both of ya.”

-----

              By the time Ford and the merfolk arrived at their destination, a large underwater cliff face, he was exhausted.  Not just physically, though the swim had been more taxing than he expected.  He was also mentally weary from the immense amount of information he’d learned from the merfolk.  Apparently, humans did turn into mers on rare occasions, but when they did, they kept their belly buttons.  In addition, mer eggs were laid in massive clutches and kept in something called a “guppy basket”.  His hosts had assured him that they had a guppy basket where Stan could go.

              But he’s not leaving my sight.  The merman, whose name was Lute, looked at Ford with some amusement.

              “Yer a bit out of shape, ain’t ya?” he asked. The mermaid, who was named Angie, punched him.

              “Be nice,” she chided.  Ford’s initial assessment of the two being related was correct; they were siblings.

              Not just siblings.  Clutch-mates.  From what Lute and Angie had told him, clutch-mate seemed to be the closest mer analog to a twin.  Clutch-mates were siblings that hatched from the same clutch of eggs, though they sometimes hatched days apart.  

              “I’ll go alert the folks we’ve got a guest,” Lute said.  He opened a door into the cliff that Ford hadn’t seen and ducked inside.  Ford looked askance at Angie.

              “It’s an optical illusion thing,” she said with a shrug.  “Unless ya know where the entrance is, ya can’t find it.”  Of the two siblings, she seemed the kinder and gentler, taking what Ford said at face value.  Unlike her brother.

              Though she could just be humoring me.  I’m fairly certain they think I’m having some sort of nervous breakdown.  Angie smiled at Ford, then opened the door.  I’ll take humoring me over mocking me.

              “C’mon on in,” she said.  Ford reluctantly swam inside.  He was in a pleasantly homey living room that, if it weren’t underwater, could be mistaken for belonging to a human family.  Potted plants lazily swayed from small currents.  A middle-aged merman and mermaid sat on a couch, speaking with Lute.

              Presumably, these are Angie and Lute’s parents. One of the many things he’d been told during the swim was that merfolk lived with their parents until they had a mate, after which they would find their own place to live.  As unmated merfolk, Angie and Lute had yet to move out. Lute was a carbon copy of his father, with the exception of his tail color; his father’s tail was blue.  Angie looked exactly like her mother, down to her tail color, but had her father’s large nose.

              “This must be the poor young man you found,” said their mother, catching sight of Ford.  She got up from the couch and swam over to him.  “Hmm…”  She looked him up and down.  “What’s your name, son?”

              “S-Stanford Pines.”

              “That’s not a mer surname,” the mother commented idly, still looking at Ford with a thoughtful gaze.  “But it is a human one.”  She smiled. “Let me introduce myself.  My name is Sally MerGucket, but if ya like, ya can call me Mrs. MerGucket.”

              “Mrs. MerGucket,” Ford mumbled.  Mrs. MerGucket nodded.

              “My mate Mearl is on the couch.”  Mr. MerGucket smiled warmly at Ford.  “It looks like you could use a guppy basket fer that egg.”

              “No, he’s going to stay with me,” Ford said firmly.

              “Of course he will,” Mrs. MerGucket said, sounding surprised.  “The basket will go in the same room ya sleep in.”

              “…Oh.”

              “Come with me, dear.  I’ll show you to yer room fer the night.”  Mrs. MerGucket took Ford’s hand and led him out of the living room, down a hall, and into what was clearly a guest bedroom of sorts.  Under normal circumstances, Ford would ask a million questions about the furniture in the room, particularly the bed, with a frame made of what appeared to be living coral.

              I don’t feel much like asking questions right now, though.  Ford looked down at Stan’s egg.  Through the membrane, he could see Stan sucking his thumb.  Mom always hated when he did that.

              “Stanford.”  Ford looked up.  Mrs. MerGucket sat on the edge of the bed.  She patted the bed.  “Sit with me.”  Reluctantly, Ford swam over and sat next to her.  “May I?”  Mrs. MerGucket held out her hands.  Ford shook his head, keeping Stan close.  “That’s quite all right.”

              “You don’t believe me, do you?” Ford asked quietly. “That I used to be human.  Your children certainly don’t.”

              “Yes, they’re convinced that ya hit yer head,” Mrs. MerGucket said.  “They were worried fer yer health, as well as the health of the egg, since a confused guardian ain’t a safe one.”

              “You’re dodging the question.”

              “I didn’t mean to.”  Mrs. MerGucket sighed.  “Stanford, I believe ya.”  Ford’s head whipped up.  He stared at her.  “I suspect my children would, too, if they weren’t used to human behaviors.”  Ford frowned.

              “What do you mean?” he asked.  Mrs. MerGucket gestured to her torso.  Ford’s eyes widened.  Unlike her mate and children, Mrs. MerGucket had a belly button.  “You’re…”

              “Yes.  I used to be human.  Since I helped to raise my children, they don’t realize yer behaviors ‘n tendencies ‘re human through ‘n through.  But I’ve spent enough time among merfolk to tell ya used to be human, too.”  Mrs. MerGucket looked at Ford thoughtfully.  “Well.  Either that, or ya were raised by humans.  But I suspect you’d be a tad more traumatized, were that the case.”

              “I’m feeling fairly traumatized at the moment,” Ford mumbled.  Mrs. MerGucket put her hand on his shoulder.

              “Son, you can stay here as long as ya like, okay?”

              “I just want things to be the way they were yesterday,” Ford whispered.

              “I understand.  Unfortunately, I ain’t sure whether there’s a way to do that.  But we’ll do our best to help.  Once we hear yer story from ya, rather than from Lute, we’ll have a better idea of what happened to ya.  But that can wait until you’ve had some rest.  You ‘n that lil egg have been through a lot today.”

              “Yes,” Ford said, his voice breaking.  “We have.”

              “I’ll bring ya the guppy basket to put the egg in, okay?  And once that’s done, ya can get some sleep.”  Ford nodded woodenly.  Mrs. MerGucket left the room.

              “Stanley,” Ford whispered helplessly to the egg that had been his brother.  “What- what are we going to do?”  Stan offered no answers, merely curling up tightly within his egg.

-----

              Stan’s egg rocked back and forth within the guppy basket.

              “Be patient,” Ford chided as he combed his hair. He’d learned the hard way that if he didn’t comb regularly, small crustaceans would take up residence in his thick curls.  After spending a few months with the MerGuckets, he felt more or less settled as a merman.

              At the very least, I feel less like a fish out of water.  Ford managed a small smile at the almost pun.  Every day, he learned more about merfolk and mer society from the MerGuckets.  They had yet to determine what sea creature had transformed him and Stan, however, and as a result, were no closer to reversing the process.  I suspect Mrs. MerGucket was right.  What happened to us can’t be remedied.  His good mood evaporated.  Stanley and I are stuck.  Said stuck egg abruptly rolled in the basket.

              “I told you to calm down,” Ford said, swimming over.  He wasn’t sure how much Stan was aware of in the egg, nor how much he would recall when hatched, but couldn’t shake the habit of talking to the egg like nothing had changed.  Like Stan was still his stubborn, adult self.  “I’ll put you in the sling in a moment.”  The egg rolled again.  “Fine!” Ford grabbed the egg sling off his dresser and put it on.  While it was impossible to carry an entire clutch in an egg sling, merfolk used them to keep close eggs they were concerned about.

              Luckily, I only have one egg, so transporting the full clutch isn’t an issue.  Ford froze. No.  Did I just- did I just think of Stan as being my child?

              “Everything all right in here?” a voice asked.  Ford looked over his shoulder.  Fiddleford treaded water in the doorway, smiling at him. A few days after Ford came to the MerGucket home, Fiddleford, Angie and Lute’s older brother, had returned home from an internship.  Very quickly, Fiddleford had become Ford’s favorite of the MerGucket children. Angie was kind and quite brilliant, but rambunctious in a way that reminded Ford of Stan and was thus painful to be around for long.  Lute was abrasive and curt, and still didn’t seem convinced Ford was telling the truth.

              Fiddleford, however, was gentle and warm, with an intellect to rival Ford’s.  The fact that Fiddleford was obsessed with human culture, and thus fascinated by Ford’s stories, only served to deepen their connection.

              “Yes, everything’s quite all right,” Ford said. He carefully placed Stan’s egg in the sling.  “Stan’s just being difficult this morning.”  Fiddleford swam over, frowning.

              “He’s just an egg.  How could he be difficult?”

              “Oh, he’s been moving around a lot.”

              “He…”  Fiddleford’s eyes widened.  “How long has this been goin’ on?”

              “A couple of days.  Why?”

              “Stanford, eggs start movin’ when they’re gettin’ ready to hatch,” Fiddleford said gently.  Ford’s mouth dropped open.  “I reckon ya might want to put the egg back in the basket.”  Numb, Ford did as he was told, removing Stan’s egg from the sling and gently setting it inside the guppy basket.  The egg began to rock and roll in earnest.  Finally, a tiny hand punched through the egg’s membrane.

              “He’s…” Ford whispered.  His voice failed him as he watched a newborn mer crawl through the hole.  “He’s…”

              “Quite the looker,” Fiddleford said quietly. The newborn mer, with fins and scales a drab green color, scrunched up his face and began to cry.

              “What- what do I-” Ford asked desperately. Fiddleford scooped up the newborn mer and gently placed him in the egg sling Ford still wore.

              “Newborn guppies like to be held,” Fiddleford said.

              Right.  Mer children are referred to as guppies.  And they don’t get their mature scale and fin colors until adolescence.  Ford stared down at the guppy curled up in the sling.  He was the spitting image of old family pictures of Stan.  Which makes sense, given that he is Stan.  Ford hesitantly stroked the guppy’s cheek. The guppy leaned into the movement with a soft crooning sound.  …Is he?

              “Is somethin’ wrong?” Fiddleford asked hesitantly.

              “I…”  Ford swam over to his bed and sat down.  Fiddleford followed, sitting next to him.  “I think that some part of me expected the Stan I knew to hatch from the egg. That he would be himself, with all his memories and quirks, but…a child.”  His voice began to quiver.  “That obviously isn’t the case.  He’s my brother, but not- not really.  Despite my best attempts, I’ve lost him.”

              “Don’t think of it that way,” Fiddleford said. He placed his hand on Ford’s shoulder. “Think of it as him gettin’ a fresh start.  Ya told me how yer pa wasn’t kind.”

              “No, he wasn’t.”

              “Well then, this is a chance fer him to get the kind of father he didn’t get the first time,” Fiddleford said gently. Ford swallowed.

              “…Yes.  I- I suppose you’re right.”  He removed the guppy from the sling to nestle in his arms.  The guppy looked up at him with curious brown eyes.  Ford carefully removed stray bits of egg from the guppy’s thick, brown curls.  “Hello.” The guppy cocked his head, interested. Ford held him close.  “It’s good-” he started.  His voice gave out.  He took a deep breath and tried again.  “It’s good to see you again, Stanley.”

[faorism]

somehow @darkfinch your undercover eliot au made my brain jump a couple of beats and now im like. fast and the furious au aka we drop the leverage crew into what camp looks like if designed for straight men. (characters and the relationships from the saga dont perfectly align, but! they serve as a reference. and sorry im ot3 obsessed so this touches on that even tho your au finch doesnt mention ships.)

eliot is not a narc but instead moreau's top dog in what is a very dynamic criminal enterprise. moreau wants to expand his operation from los angeles to the bay area, and has sent his lieutenant to look into the competition and what business prospects look like. he aims him at one of the major players' known fronts, a bar named mcrorys owned by a guy named nate ford. eliot will have to send updates to chapman, who will be put in charge of the expansion because even though eliot is higher ranked and trusted enough to give moreau the clearest analysis of the bay's situation, moreau wants eliot close and secure and his, so! eliot has to lay the groundwork for fucking chapman.

at mcrorys, eliot orders a burger like a NORMAL FUCKING PERSON and its god fucking awful, and he complains at his server, a handsome af chatty dude who is curious about this beauty bruiser of a man who showed up in a suped up challenger. hardison flirts teases that if eliot thinks he could do better, hardison was gonna talk a break for a late lunch and wouldnt mind being fed well for once. eliot takes him up on the challenge and goes to the back where parker (the gorgeous, the fuck is everyone a model around here cook who is also the bartender) is moping because the big boss has her and hardison to cover the pub during slow hours to "keep them humble." she's suspicious of eliot but! eats the food he makes for her too. its soooo good and ugh, why doesn't nate hire real cooks instead of having them there. at this, eliot is like... oh shit you know ford? i had business with him, parts to sell.

and thus, eliot inadvertently gets his "in" with nates crew.

from this meet-cute, plot unravels and eliot learns the inner workings of the crew's leadership as he picks up hours at mcrorys as a cook.

what he reports back to moreau (via fucking chapman) is this: nate is head of the crew, but after losing his kid to crossfire gone wrong, he drinks too much to drive even a hot wheel. hes the planner and the numbers guy, but the face/driver of the organization for the past few years is now parker. shes the best driver the bay may have ever seen and her name is whispered like the demigod we know she is, even by their rivals. she is very suspicious of eliot not for any particular reason, but because shes protective of her family and how easy this stranger fits in worries her (they are just... so alike and she knows how hard it was for her to join in, why is it so easy for eliot).

her boyfriend hardison, however, is so trusting (too trusting) and even if at first he and eliot play at irritation (or feel it, actually) theres a quick friendship budding that further rubs parker the wrong way. hardison is too important to let drive because he is the man behind the tech and motors of their operation: he just knows how to make a car purr before pouncing on the nitro.

he works closely with sophie, nates... wife? girlfriend? years long eye fuck partner? eliot also doesnt quite know what to name her role because she's a chameleon. she has got an eye for aesthetics so she gives hardison instructions for car detailing, but also she does orders and somehow gets huge discounts, but then she turns around and sells at a huge profit. she also races and she's goooood.

as eliot establishes himself into the crew, and as (against parker's suggestion) he joins their thievery, what eliot reports back becomes this: nates crew may be pulling a lot of attention because of their success in the races and because they do their elaborate heists... they really arent moreaus competition. they dont push drugs or sex work or guns. they are big time for their field of car shit but small time for everything else. theres the triads you really have to worry about. and the cops out here are dirty: the commissioner blackpoole, in particular, is an asshole. this crew doesnt even kill anyone wtf. they are basically a bunch of conmen and grifters. not serious players.

chapman accuses eliot of "going native." eliot tells him to go fuck himself. moreau decides to trust eliots judgment.

plot plot plot and also racing and also eliot earning the trust and companionship of everyone, even parker. but basically, moreau eventually sends some people in (including chapman) to start interfering with shit, once eliot reports on a score against the triads nates crew is looking into thst is very very tempting indeed. eliot finds out and realizes this big heist (big enough to require nate on scene) is going to go really fucking bad with the interference. so he tells hardison, the only one of the main crew left behind to coordinate shit and... god, hardison is crushed but they have his family to save.

eliot's warning and hardison's assistance means the difference between life and death for nate, sophie, parker, and the few others they got helping them (quinn? peggy? hurley? and do harry and bre make an appearance somewhere? idk). particularly nate eliot saves, because chapman and two guys had cornered nate and was gonna shoot but eliot kills them first.

and here... now everyone knows what eliot is and who. and... nate yells at him and hardison (now) cam be pissed and sophie knew he was lying but not Like This and parker... parker (who tore her ACL but could have fucking lost a leg) is the softest with him, and each person's reaction just tears eliot apart. but yet. but yet they offer him a place. a refuge. but he's moreau's man. a loyal dog. and moreau is already recalling eliot, saying they need to regroup after this unfortunate (but acceptable) loss and try again later. and what eliot doesnt report to them is that if he doesnt go back, moreau will send everyone in after him. (its safer, better... this way. this family was never his.)

and so they let him go. they have to. and eliot cant even look at hardison and parker, who he... they... had something. they did. or could have had something. maybe. at the end. but... he leaves. he has to. for them, and for nate and sophie, and for the whole crew.

and well, nates crew was small time before, yes, in comparison to moreaus operation. but as the screen fades to black, they look at each other and go yeah, apparently, we gotta go big because we have an eliot to steal (back).