#so now i'm just... sitting here. sobbing. once again reminded that nobody actually just like me for me.

[drivemysoul]

oh. my. fucking. god.

[cinemastyles-backup]

Summary: a request by moonlixhtbae17 on Wattpad- "can u write one where y/n is really insecure and she's really upset about it and h makes her feel better and feel so loved i think that would be cute"

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, some hateful comments, unprotected sex, biting, oral (f rec), fingering, mainly fluffy filth, love making really

My original CinemaStyles-blog has been terminated, so I created a new one.

"Have a good meeting, Harry." I smile and tuck a curl under his bandana. He smiles and leans in to kiss me, "I'll try." He leans back, "You good?"

I nod, "I'm great."

He raise an eyebrow, "y/n." He cups my cheeks, "If anything is bothering you.. you can tell me."

Something is bothering. Something he can't really help. Something that comes with being Harry Styles' girlfriend.

"I'm okay." I smile and lean up to kiss him, "I'll see you after your meeting, okay?" He nods and kisses my forehead, "It shouldn't be long at all. We just have to go over the set list and stuff for the show in a few days."

He grabs his keys and turns around once he reaches the door, "You sure you're good? I can't stay ho-"

I cut him off, "I promise. I'm okay. Really." I smile and tilt my head, "Now go before I call Niall to come get you."

He laughs and shakes his head, "I love you."

"I love you." I blow him a kiss before he shuts the door and I let out a loud sigh, almost like I was holding my breath.

I run a hand through my hair and close my eyes, "No. No. No." I anxiously pick at my fingers and pace back and fourth.

The hate. The hate. The hate.

It's all I see half the time and it makes me sick to my stomach, I don't want to be hated. I don't want Harry being hated for being with me.

The last few days, I've been in my head. Insecure.

I keep reminding myself that I'm the one with Harry. He loves me or else he wouldn't be with me.

I hate talking to him about it because it feels so repetitive I don't want to annoy him and have him get fed up with it.

It scares me, my own insecurities scare me and I'm caught in this.. this mental war zone with myself and every single hate comment that gets burnt into my memory.

I walk over to the couch, grabbing the big blanket Harry got me for Christmas this past year and wrap it around me. I click the tv on and skip through the channels, eyeing my phone as the thought to look crosses my mind.

I hurt myself by doing it, I know, but I can't help but to read what they're saying.

If they're saying anything about Harry.

I put on a random show and toss the remote down, grabbing my phone. I throw myself back into the blanket and pull up twitter.

I can't believe he's with someone like her. I mean, i haven't even heard of her, she's a nobody, one person tweeted.

I think she's very pretty and not everyone you obsess about has to date someone with a size zero waist, another person comments, actually coming to my defense.

I scroll and scroll, finding more hate than love.

I close twitter and go to Instagram, same thing.

I throw my phone down and wrap the blanket around me, tears silently falling down my cheeks.

My phone dings and I look, it's a text from Harry,

I'll be home soon, baby. We're about done here.

I smile slightly and send back the smile and kissy face emojis.

I set my phone down, defeating the urge to keep looking. I try to focus and watch the show that I put on but as soon as I let out a sigh to try and calm down, it's over.

I sit up, trying to catch my breathe. I put my head in my hands and just sob.

I let it all out.

Harry's been home the last couple days so I had to keep it together, pretend like everything is okay.

I grab the blanket and lay it over my mouth, staring at the floor and sniffling.

I hear a car door shut and I quickly get up and run to the downstairs bathroom, wiping my tears and snot away as I go.

"Baby?" Harry yells as he shuts the door, "Y/N?"

I splash cold water on my face and shake my head in defeat, laughing at my self before I start to cry again.

There's a faint knock on the door, "Y/N? You in there?"

I hold my breathe, trying to calm the shakiness in my voice but I cant, "Y-Yeah."

"Can I come in?" He asks, waiting for my answer.

"Yeah." I wipe my face and turn away as the door slowly opens.

"Hey." He whispers walking over to me, pulling me and holding me against his chest. His arms wrap around my body and his cheek rests on the top of my head.

I start to cry again and I grab his white shirt, that probably now has mascara on it, balling it up in my hands.

"Shh. Shh." He strokes my hair and sways me back and fourth with him, "It's okay." He assures me, "You're okay."

After a few moments I lean back, "I'm sorry." I wipe my cheek with my wrist, "I-I'm so-" I start to sniffle again and I close my eyes as I place my hands over my face.

"Y/N.." he takes me into his arms again, spinning around to he can sit on the edge of the tub, "Hey." He pulls me down and sits me on his lap, "Talk to me, please. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

"Why are you with me?" I mumble against his chest.

"What?" Harry asks kinda shocked by my question.

I let out a sigh and sit up, "Why are you with me?" I look up at him and his eyes scan over my face. He smiles slightly and cups my cheeks with his hands, "Because I love you."

"But I'm a nobody."

His brows furrow and he tilts his head, "Who the hell said that?"

I shrug and raise my hand, moving it around, "All your fans. The people that adore you."

He rolls his eyes and makes me look at him, "Yeah, I love the fans, but that doesn't even come close to the love I have for you." I he pulls me closer to him, "I mean that y/n."

I nod and wipe under my eyes, "Im sorry. I just.. these lasts few days.. I just.."

He brushes hair from my face and nods, "I know. I know. Trust me, I wish I could do something about it, but people are always going to have an opinion. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because they're not you."

I smile and look down, "Oh. Sorry, Harry."

He looks down and pulls his shirt down, inspecting the black streaks of mascara on his white shirt. He shrugs, "I can get a new one. I'm more worried about you, not a stupid t shirt."

I smile slightly and he taps my leg to stand up. He walks over to the drawer and pulls a makeup wipe from the pack, "Come over here. Let me get you fixed up."

I walks over and look in the mirror, my face falls slightly as I see how red and puffy my face is.

Harry turns my head toward him, "Look at me." My eyes stay on him as he gently wipes my face.

"Still so beautiful." He smiles and kisses my head, "and amazing." He kisses my lips, "And my favorite person in the entire world." He kisses me again and I smile, "Keep talking."

"You, my love, are by far the best thing that's ever happened to me." I wrap my arms around his neck, "as are you to me." He smiles and kisses me again.

We slowly turn it into a make out session. He lifts me up and sets me on top of the sink, "Everything.. about you.. fascinates me." He says in between kisses.

"Yeah?"

He nods and kisses back my jaw, "You're so caring." I moan quietly as he kisses a spot and sucks lightly, "You're super sexy.. and smart." He plays with the hem of my shirt before slipping his hands under.

"You're body is perfect in every. Single. Way." His fingers pinch at my nipples, "So perfect."

He leans in and kisses me, "These lips. I could kiss them all day everyday." I smile and bite my lip.

"The way you walk and talk.. Mm." He moans slightly, "I'd let you walk away from me just so I can see that butt of yours."

I laugh slightly, "Harry."

"But I'll chase you. Always." He slides his hands down my sides and pulls my hips towards him, "I could listen to you talk and laugh about anything."

I smile and shake my head, "I love you."

He kisses me and pulls my body against his, wrapping his arms right around me, "I love you." He says against my lips, "So, so, so much." He leans back, "Please don't ever forget that."

I shake my head, "I won't."

"You just need to take a breather.." he lifts me up, "Forget about the world for a little while." He takes me upstairs and into our bedroom. He lays me down on the bed and brushes hair off my forehead, "I know the perfect way to help you. Would it be okay if I showed you?"

I nod with a smile and he smiles, "Okay." He lifts my shirt up and kisses down my stomach. He slips his fingers into the band of my sweats and gently pulls them down. I lift my hips to help him get them off.

His slowly slide his hands up from my ankles and gently lays them on my thighs, "Just lay back and let me know if this helps, yeah?"

I bite my lip and nod.

He leans in and slowly locks up and down my pussy. His tongue slides between my folds and I moan at his touch.

"Harry." I moan arching my back, "Yes." He sucks on my clit for a little while, his eyes locking on mine. My mouth falls open and my eyes roll back as he slips two fingers into me.

He slowly works them in and out, curling them up each time he enters.

I lay my head back, my hands going to his hair.

"Harry!" I pant, "So.. good." I let out a loud moan, moving my hips.

His lips stay attached to my clit, his fingers keep moving in and out slowly. I bite my lip and spread my legs slightly.

He takes his fingers out and slips his hands under my hips, holding me as his thumbs stroke my skin.

His tongue slips in and out of me and I moan, "Baby."

He continues for a little bit longer and then he pulls away, smiling up at me. He licks his lips and stands up, "You feel better baby?"

I nod and shrug, "Yes and no."

"Yes and no?" He chuckles, "What more do you want?"

I motion for him to come over to me and I reach out and grab his belt, "I need you right now." He nods and slips his shirt off, his bandana holding perfect in his hair.

I smile and watch as he gets undressed.

"What?" He asks slowly positioning his body over mine. I shake my head and lay a hand on his cheek, "I just really appreciate you."

He kisses me and slides his hand down my body to position himself at my entrance, "Anything to help you baby."

His head falls onto my shoulder and he grips my leg as he slides in, "You feel so so good." He moans, "So so good."

I lay my leg over his back and wrap my arm around his neck. He slides his hand overtop of mine that lays on the mattress above my head and interlocks our fingers, "I love doing this with you." He whispers as he starts to thrust.

I moan quietly into Harry's ear and I can feel him smile against my shoulder, "You're so good to me." I whisper kissing his neck, "I love you." I whimper as he pushes himself deep inside of me.

He looks at me and rests his forehead against mine, squeezing my hand gently, "I love you, y/n." He picks up thrusting again, "So, so much."

His fingertips press into my thigh, "You know why people are jealous of you?"

"Why, Harry?" I moan and tangle my fingers in his hair.

"Because not only do you get to do this with me every single day.." he moans against my lips as he kisses me, "I'm going to make you my wife some day."

I smile and squeeze his hand, "Please."

He kisses me, our lips move in sync as I pull myself closer to him, "I'm close, baby." I whimper arching my back.

He nods and kisses down my neck, "I love being able to make you feel so good, y/n."

"You're absolutely perfect to me." He moans and he pulls my thigh, "for me. Everything."

His words push me off the edge into orgasm. I moan and whimper as he continues to thrust, "Fuck." He gasps before quickly pulling out.

I lay there breathing heavy and watch his face twitch with pleasure as he reaches his point, "Shit."

He leans down and kisses me a few times, "No one can ever replace you. You're mine and I'm yours. Don't let what others say get to you. Like I said, it's because you got me and no one else does." He rests his forehead on mine, "I'm not going anywhere."

I nod and take a deep breathe as Harry goes and grabs a towel. He walks back in and cleans me up, ""Now. Movies and Pizza?"

I nod and point, "But only if we get to watch-"

"Already on the list." He tosses me one of his shirts and slips on a pair of sweats, "Let's go camp out on the couch for the rest of the day."

I get up and slip on a pair of shorts before running over to Harry. He takes my hand in his and leads me to the couch.

——

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[cinemastyles-blog]

Summary: This was a request by: moonlixhtbae17 on Wattpad - "can u write one where y/n is really insecure and she's really upset about it and h makes her feel better and feel so loved i think that would be cute"

Warnings: soft and sensual smut18+, insecurities, rude/mean comments, some strong language, oral, fingering, unprotected sex, fluff

Master

∘₊✧── 𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎 ──✧₊∘

"Have a good meeting, Harry." I smile and tuck a curl under his bandana. He smiles and leans in to kiss me, "I'll try." He leans back, "You good?"

I nod, "I'm great."

He raise an eyebrow, "y/n." He cups my cheeks, "If anything is bothering you.. you can tell me."

Something is bothering. Something he can't really help. Something that comes with being Harry Styles' girlfriend.

"I'm okay." I smile and lean up to kiss him, "I'll see you after your meeting, okay?" He nods and kisses my forehead, "It shouldn't be long at all. We just have to go over the set list and stuff for the show in a few days." He grabs his keys and turns around once he reaches the door, "You sure you're good? I can't stay ho-"

I cut him off, "I promise. I'm okay. Really." I smile and tilt my head, "Now go before I call Niall to come get you."

He laughs and shakes his head, "I love you."

"I love you." I blow him a kiss before he shuts the door and I let out a loud sigh, almost like I was holding my breathe.

I run a hand through my hair and close my eyes, "No. No. No." I anxiously pick at my fingers and pace back and fourth.

The hate. The hate. The hate.

It's all I see half the time and it makes me sick to my stomach, I don't want to be hated. I don't want Harry being hated for being with me.

The last few days, I've been in my head. Insecure.

I keep reminding myself that I'm the one with Harry. He loves me or else he wouldn't be with me.

I hate talking to him about it because it feels so repetitive I don't want to annoy him and have him get fed up with it.

It scares me, my own insecurities scare me and I'm caught in this.. this mental war zone with myself and every single hate comment that gets burnt into my memory.

I walk over to the couch, grabbing the big blanket Harry got me for Christmas this past year and wrap it around me. I click the tv on and skip through the channels, eying my phone as the thought to look crosses my mind.

I hurt myself by doing it, I know, but I can't help but to read what they're saying.

If they're saying anything about Harry.

I put on a random show and toss the remote down, grabbing my phone. I throw myself back into the blanket and pull up twitter.

I can't believe he's with someone like her. I mean, i haven't even heard of her, she's a nobody, one person tweeted.

I think she's very pretty and not everyone you obsess about has to date someone with a size zero waist, another person comments, actually coming to my defense.

I scroll and scroll, finding more hate than love.

I close twitter and go to Instagram, same thing.

I throw my phone down and wrap the blanket around me, tears silently falling down my cheeks.

My phone dings and I look, it's a text from Harry,

I'll be home soon, baby. We're about done here.

I smile slightly and send back the smile and kissy face emojis.

I set my phone down, defeating the urge to keep looking. I try to focus and watch the show that I put on but as soon as I let out a sigh to try and calm down, it's over.

I sit up, trying to catch my breathe. I put my head in my hands and just sob.

I let it all out.

Harry's been home the last couple days so I had to keep it together, pretend like everything is okay.

I grab the blanket and lay it over my mouth, staring at the floor and sniffling.

I hear a car door shut and I quickly get up and run to the downstairs bathroom, wiping my tears and snot away as I go.

"Baby?" Harry yells as he shuts the door, "Y/N?"

I splash cold water on my face and shake my head in defeat, laughing at my self before I start to cry again.

There's a faint knock on the door, "Y/N? You in there?"

I hold my breathe, trying to calm the shakiness in my voice but I cant, "Y-Yeah."

"Can I come in?" He asks, waiting for my answer.

"Yeah." I wipe my face and turn away as the door slowly opens.

"Hey." He whispers walking over to me, pulling me and holding me against his chest. His arms wrap around my body and his cheek rests on the top of my head.

I start to cry again and I grab his white shirt, that probably now has mascara on it, balling it up in my hands.

"Shh. Shh." He strokes my hair and sways me back and fourth with him, "It's okay." He assures me, "You're okay."

After a few moments I lean back, "I'm sorry." I wipe my cheek with my wrist, "I-I'm so-" I start to sniffle again and I close my eyes as I place my hands over my face.

"Y/N.." he takes me into his arms again, spinning around to he can sit on the edge of the tub, "Hey." He pulls me down and sits me on his lap, "Talk to me, please. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

"Why are you with me?" I mumble against his chest.

"What?" Harry asks kinda shocked by my question.

I let out a sigh and sit up, "Why are you with me?" I look up at him and his eyes scan over my face. He smiles slightly and cups my cheeks with his hands, "Because I love you."

"But I'm a nobody."

His brows furrow and he tilts his head, "Who the hell said that?"

I shrug and raise my hand, moving it around, "All your fans. The people that adore you."

He rolls his eyes and makes me look at him, "Yeah, I love the fans, but that doesn't even come close to the love I have for you." I he pulls me closer to him, "I mean that y/n."

I nod and wipe under my eyes, "Im sorry. I just.. these lasts few days.. I just.."

He brushes hair from my face and nods, "I know. I know. Trust me, I wish I would do something about it, but people are always going to have an opinion. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because they're not you."

I smile and look down, "Oh. Sorry, Harry."

He looks down and pulls his shirt down, inspecting the black streaks of mascara on his white shirt. He shrugs, "I can get a new one. I'm more worried about you, not a stupid t shirt."

I smile slightly and he taps my leg to stand up. He walks over to the drawer and pulls a makeup wipe from the pack, "Come over here. Let me get you fixed up."

I walks over and look in the mirror, my face falls slightly as I see how red and puffy my face is.

Harry turns my head toward him, "Look at me." My eyes stay on him as he gently wipes my face.

"Still so beautiful." He smiles and kisses my head, "and amazing." He kisses my lips, "And my favorite person in the entire world." He kisses me again and I smile, "Keep talking."

"You, my love, are by far the best thing that's ever happened to me." I wrap my arms around his neck, "as are you to me." He smiles and kisses me again.

We slowly turn it into a make out session. He lifts me up and sets me on top of the sink, "Everything.. about you.. fascinates me." He says in between kisses.

"Yeah?"

He nods and kisses back my jaw, "You're so caring." I moan quietly as he kisses a spot and sucks lightly, "You're super sexy.. and smart." He plays with the hem of my shirt before slipping his hands under.

"You're body is perfect in every. Single. Way." His fingers pinch at my nipples, "So perfect."

He leans in and kisses me, "These lips. I could kiss them all day everyday." I smile and bite my lip.

"The way you walk and talk.. Mm." He moans slightly, "I'd let you walk away from me just so I can see that butt of yours."

I laugh slightly, "Harry."

"But I'll chase you. Always." He slides his hands down my sides and pulls my hips towards him, "I could listen to you talk and laugh about anything."

I smile and shake my head, "I love you."

He kisses me and pulls my body against his, wrapping his arms right around me, "I love you." He says against my lips, "So, so, so much." He leans back, "Please don't ever forget that."

I shake my head, "I won't."

"You just need to take a breather.." he lifts me up, "Forget about the world for a little while." He takes me upstairs and into our bedroom. He lays me down on the bed and brushes hair off my forehead, "I know the perfect way to help you. Would it be okay if I showed you?"

I nod with a smile and he smiles, "Okay." He lifts my shirt up and kisses down my stomach. He slips his fingers into the band of my sweats and gently pulls them down. I lift my hips to help him get them off.

His slowly slide his hands up from my ankles and gently lays them on my thighs, "Just lay back and let me know if this helps, yeah?"

I bite my lip and nod.

He leans in and slowly locks up and down my pussy. His tongue slides between my folds and I moan at his touch.

"Harry." I moan arching my back, "Yes." He sucks on my clit for a little while, his eyes locking on mine. My mouth falls open and my eyes roll back as he slips two fingers into me.

He slowly works them in and out, curling them up each time he enters.

I lay my head back, my hands going to his hair.

"Harry!" I pant, "So.. good." I let out a loud moan, moving my hips.

His lips stay attached to my clit, his fingers keep moving in and out slowly. I bite my lip and spread my legs slightly.

He takes his fingers out and slips his hands under my hips, holding me as his thumbs stroke my skin.

His tongue slips in and out of me and I moan, “Baby.”

He continues for a little bit longer and then he pulls away, smiling up at me. He licks his lips and stands up, “You feel better baby?”

I nod and shrug, “Yes and no.”

“Yes and no?” He chuckles, “What more do you want?”

I motion for him to come over to me and I reach out and grab his belt, “I need you right now.” He nods and slips his shirt off, his bandana holding perfect in his hair.

I smile and watch as he gets undressed.

“What?” He asks slowly positioning his body over mine. I shake my head and lay a hand on his cheek, “I just really appreciate you.”

He kisses me and slides his hand down my body to position himself at my entrance, “Anything to help you baby.”

His head falls onto my shoulder and he grips my leg as he slides in, “You feel so so good.” He moans, “So so good.”

I lay my leg over his back and wrap my arm around his neck. He slides his hand overtop of mine that lays on the mattress above my head and interlocks our fingers, “I love doing this with you.” He whispers as he starts to thrust.

I moan quietly into Harry’s ear and I can feel him smile against my shoulder, “You’re so good to me.” I whisper kissing his neck, “I love you.” I whimper as he pushes himself deep inside of me.

He looks at me and rests his forehead against mine, squeezing my hand gently, “I love you, y/n.” He picks up thrusting again, “So, so much.”

His fingertips press into my thigh, “You know why people are jealous of you?”

“Why, Harry?” I moan and tangle my fingers in his hair.

“Because not only do you get to do this with me every single day..” he moans against my lips as he kisses me, “I’m going to make you my wife some day.”

I smile and squeeze his hand, “Please.”

He kisses me, our lips move in sync as I pull myself closer to him, “I’m close, baby.” I whimper arching my back.

He nods and kisses down my neck, “I love being able to make you feel so good, y/n.”

“You’re absolutely perfect to me.” He moans and he pulls my thigh, “for me. Everything.”

His words he’ll push me off the edge into orgasm. I moan and whimper as he continues to thrust, ���Fuck.” He gasps before quickly pulling out.

I lay there breathing heavy and watch his face twitch with pleasure as he reaches his point, “Shit.”

He leans down and kisses me a few times, “No one can ever replace you. You’re mine and I’m yours. Don’t let what others say get to you. Like I said, it’s because you got me and no one else does.” He rests his forehead on mine, “I’m not going anywhere.”

I nod and take a deep breathe as Harry goes and grabs a towel. He walks back in and cleans me up, “”Now. Movies and Pizza?”

I nod and point, “But only if we get to watch-“

“Already on the list.” He tosses me one of his shirts and slips on a pair of sweats, “Let’s go camp out on the couch for the rest of the day.”

I get up and slip on a pair of shorts before running over to Harry. He takes my hand in his and leads me to the couch.

——

Requests are accepted. Send me a message!

[foxyarchive]

Glass in the Ocean[P2]

You reconcile about your near-death encounter and spend some quality time with those in your life-- New and old.

- I'm so happy that some of y'all are liking the story so far!! Any comments or general likes really help to boost my confidence for this and mood! I'm excited to bring you all the next chapter in a little over a week! Cross-Posted on AO3!

Warnings: None

Words: ~5.3k

Tags in the comments! Ask to be added to the taglist!

P1 | P2 | P3

When you had gotten back to the house, nobody was home still, thankfully. It was clear that some had come by to drop off a couple of things, or even pick some up, but besides that it was blissfully quiet. That was perfect for you. It gave you time to shut yourself in your room, sitting there on the chair at your desk as you tried to calm the erratic breaths. It felt like there just wasn't enough air, and you felt the presence of more hot tears slide down your face. A shuddering sob left your body as your mortality finally sank in; You had almost died. You could have died. That certainly could've been the end of your story, once and for all, and all because of your own stupidity. 

It made you sob even harder, putting your head in your hands as you curled in on yourself. Your ankle was stinging, and so were your eyes, but nothing hurt as bad as the ache in your chest at the staunch realization of how close you’d come to facing your own doom. With all the crying that tears from your mouth and throat, it’s a miracle you’re able to hear your alarm on your phone go off. It gives you a pause, your sniffling and weeps coming to a halt as you look over and spy what it’s for. Fuck. Dinner. That’s right. 

“Shit.” You whisper out, hastily wiping the tears off of your face. You need to be at the restaurant in an hour. There’s no way you’re going to make it on time. You shoot off a group text to your family, letting them know you were going to be late, and hastily tried to pull yourself together. You headed into the bathroom, splashing your face with water and taking the time to clean it, before you readied yourself. 

It was getting late, now, and cool air was finally gracing the beach. It gave you an excuse to pull on a pair of leggings, taking time beforehand to dress your ankle and wrap it in gauze. Examining the injury, you noticed that the claw marks actually weren’t too deep. They were little scratches more than anything, although where they had dug in did bleed. You also discovered that you didn’t feel woozy, or tired, or on the verge of passing out at any moment. You felt… Normal. He really hadn’t injected any venom into you. 

You can still hear his words echoing around your mind as you wrap the gauze after cleaning. I was just messing around. Your lips curl down, scowling as you bite back more tears. Well, if he was being honest about that, it was fucked up. It made you feel more angry than anything else. What kind of sick joke was that? Pretending like he was going to kill you? You began to tremble again as you finished and dressed yourself, but it wasn’t in fear this time. It was anger. Mers were sick and twisted. You could see why it was easy for someone to fall victim to them, though. After all… You almost had. 

Once you were finished getting yourself ready, you headed out, hopping on the electronic bike that you were going to be using for your stay here. Your grandmother had a car, of course, which you’d probably use on occasion. The bike was sturdy, though, faster than normal due to being electric. And with the maneuverability of an ocean town, even if it was a bit far from the home, biking would be better. It’d get you some exercise, too– Hard to do that when you’re stuck behind a computer screen all day, working. 

You head into the town, trying to shake off the earlier encounter. It was extremely difficult, though, as every little push of your leg downward on the bike petal, you were reminded of it. You couldn’t get the face of the mers out of your head, either– Twins! How sorry that other mer looked when he asked to explain, and how you’d just fled instead. You didn’t regret it, of course, you weren’t keen on being tricked again, but… To see the concern and guilt on his face. Almost like he was the one who did it instead of his brother. 

You give a shake of your head, trying to dismiss that notion. It was all just a game to them. Not even a game– Survival. After all, they wanted to kill you so they could eat. There were plenty of fish in the sea, but you were sure that humans probably had some very enticing nutrients compared to them, which is likely why they were hunted. After today’s encounter though… You were suddenly uncertain. Maybe they really were just cruel and hunted for sport. To think, the only reason you’re alive is because one of them had been kind enough to stop another. For what, though? Was it to lure you into a false sense of security so you’d be back? Hah. Fat chance. You weren’t going anywhere near those waters again. 

You took a moment to wonder if you should alert the local authorities of mer sightings. That would probably take care of them real quick, or at least spook them away. Then again… They were just trying to live their life. You had no reason to really go into the ocean again; You didn’t like swimming that much, after all. Other people could be endangered, though.

Your mind was a storm as you arrived at the restaurant, parking outside and locking the bike before you headed in. It was right on the boardwalk as well, and you enjoyed the cooling atmosphere and the breeze on your face as you sat outside with your family. Your grandmother had finally finished tying up loose ends for the day and joined you all. You got to enjoy some delicious food, sipping on your favorite drink as you enjoyed the evening with your family. They were staying at a local hotel, but you knew they’d leave early morning. You were going to have another day of rest and exploration around the town tomorrow, but then after that? It’d be time for work– Only for the glass shop, though. You still had another vacation day from your actual job. 

Full of good food and tired from today’s events, you suddenly wished that you hadn’t biked all the way out here. Thankfully, your grandmother offered to give you a ride back, and you hooked the bike onto the back of your car. You still had some time to digest, though, walking around the little beach city with your family for another hour, window shopping and sifting through any shops that were currently open. You bought yourself a cute little trinket, and finally parted ways with your family after some hugs, kisses and well wishes. 

You were grateful to finally be back at your home away from home, though. It was dark now, and although it was still relatively early, you figured you’d just go to bed and start the day early. Miraculously, when you’d been out, you’d managed to push all thoughts of the mers out of your mind. Getting out of the car, though, you glanced towards the ocean after you’d shut the door. In the gleaming moonlight above, you could’ve sworn that you spotted the flick of scales and a tail curl back down into the water. It was enough to make your heart speed faintly, which made you quickly take your bike down from the back of the car and hurry inside. 

“Is there anything else you need for your room, dearest?” Your grandmother’s voice draws you out of your thoughts, and you desperately try to lower your pounding heart rate. You know your grandmother is perceptive, but she doesn’t seem to catch on, thankfully, also appearing quite tired after the long day. 

“No, I’m– It’s perfect. Thank you.” You finally respond, forcing a small smile to creep across your face. You want to disappear into your room and sleep, but there’s this forlorn look on the elder woman’s face as she gazes towards the living room sofa. Your grandfather had died two weeks ago, cremated and ashes spread to sea today. Although this wouldn’t be her first night without him, you were certain everything felt more real, now. “Do you want to watch a show? I hear that a new baking one premiered tonight.” You offer a suggestion, quietly, coming forward to place a hand on her shoulder. It’s one of her favorite things to watch, and you’re quite partial to it, too. She startles a bit, as if not expecting you, but turns her head towards you and offers you a small smile. Her soft, cold hand comes to rest upon your own. 

“I… That would be lovely. Let me get us a drink while you set up.” She suggests, and the smile you offer this time is more relaxed as you nod. You settle on the couch, turning on the television and flick to the appropriate channel. She comes back with two wine glasses and a bottle of rose she had stocked away, and you pour each of you a glass after you’ve opened it. The show begins, and you take the time to watch with her. It’s a fairly typical baking competition program, but you still find yourself enjoying it, especially as your grandmother pipes up with various comments. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t bake that with such little time.” Was one remark, along with, “My, my, her technique is so strange… There’s a much simpler way of doing that.” There was even a bold comment from her, saying, “I could easily do that.” That brings a laugh and reassuring agreement from yourself. Two episodes air in a row, and you watch both of them together, the bottle a little over half gone. By the time it’s over, you’re both exhausted, and after a hug and kisses on the cheek, you put everything away and get some rest. You sink down into your bed after changing into nightclothes, shuffling around for your earbuds to listen to some music before heading to sleep. 

It’s with a grumble and start, though, that you realize they must’ve fallen earlier when you grabbed your towel. A groan leaves you at the thought, and you rub your eyes, looking out the window. You eye the moonlit sky, listening to the calming sound of waves from the opening in your window. Too lazy and tired to shut the blinds, you turn over, finally managing to fall asleep. 

It’s dreamless until the very end. You feel like you’re suspended in water, floating through a viscous liquid more closely resembling amber. Your movements are slow, and each push of your limbs are tedious. There’s clicking all around you. Unseen voices whispering with hints of laughter. Something brushes your ankle. You flinch, scarcely. There’s a tug at your hair. A nip at your thigh. You try to move, but the water is thick and suffocating. Hands grip your hips, and a head comes up, pressing sharp, tender kisses to the front of your neck. You try to move your head to view the culprit, but you’re just too slow, and they’re too fast. 

A tongue runs along the front of your throat, before there’s a searing, all encompassing pain as it bites down. It’s not a lovebite, either. You can feel your flesh tearing, skin breaking, and blood begins to billow around you as you scream out. Nothing comes out, though, and nobody is here to save you this time. 

You wake with a start, heart hammering so hard in your chest you think you’re going to pass right back out again. You sit up, drenched in sweat, and try to take slow, deep, calming breaths. You clutch at your shirt, closing your eyes to try and ground yourself with the sensations around you. The fabric of your shirt. The sound of mourning doves and the sea. The faint smell that comes from the kitchen, something cooking. Your mouth is clammy, the faint residual taste of rose left on it. You finally pry your eyes open, peering at your covers and the sunlight filtering through. You can see specks of dust floating in the air, and you take the time to follow various ones until they float to the ground. 

At some point, you’ve finally calmed down enough. Your heart isn’t pounding anymore, and your breathing isn’t erratic. A shaky sigh leaves you as you flop back down in bed, pushing hair out of your face. Yeah. You were probably never swimming again. Not in the ocean, at least. For a moment, you lay there, listening to the doves croon and the waves lap at the shore. It’s only when your stomach lets out a mighty growl do you finally decide to get up. After a lovely stretch, you’re on your feet, shuffling into the kitchen with a yawn. “Good morning, dear.” Your grandmother greets, pulling out a delicious looking waffle from the waffle maker. She’s also made some other sides, which you eye eagerly, especially the fruit salad. All of the fruit looks so fresh and vibrant. 

“Good morning. Thank you for breakfast!” You smile, sitting down as some comes to sit with you after bringing over the plate of waffles and syrup. 

“Of course. You’re going to have a long day today, out and about in the town. I hope it’s relaxing, and maybe you’ll even meet some new people you can befriend while you’re there.” She insists, causing you to chuckle at the thought. 

“Maybe. It’d be difficult to leave, though, if I made any good friends.” You muse, piling your plate on with various breakfast items. She just smiles, tutting and giving a small shake of her head. 

“With how the internet is nowadays, I’m certain you can keep in contact. You could always move here as well, if you were interested. I wouldn’t mind having a permanent roommate.” She suggests, and you hum contemplatively at the offer as you begin to stuff your face full. It’s certainly a thought… Plus, it may even be cheaper than your current place of residence. Even so, you like being around more city or suburban areas. It’s what you grew up with, and you couldn’t imagine anything else right now. 

“I’ll think about it. Quite the kind offer.” You reply after swallowing. The rest of breakfast goes by quietly, and after you’re finished eating as well as helping to clean dishes, you decide to head out. Your first order of business is going to get your earbuds. Although the thought of being anywhere down near that shore again makes an array of goosebumps flush over your skin, you decide that if your earbuds dropped anywhere, it would be far away enough from the shore. You’d be safe. Part of you wishes you could take someone with you, but that was a fruitless thought. Your grandmother couldn’t make that trip down there, so you had to put on the big pants and do it yourself. 

It was shaping up to be another warm day, so you decided to put on a flowy shirt and some shorts. You showered, re-dressed your wound, and got yourself ready. After pulling on another pair of flipflops, you were almost out of the house before you heard a gasp. Looking over, you saw your grandmother peer down at your ankle, and that’s when you remembered the gauze there. You’d forgotten about it, even if you had rewrapped it not even five minutes ago. “What happened to your ankle?” She fretted, walking over to you. You hesitated, taking a half step back, shifting from foot to foot. 

“I… Went down to the beach yesterday and… Accidentally scraped my foot against a rock.” You lied, and why did you lie? Were you embarrassed about it? Surely not, but… Well… Okay, perhaps a bit. After all, the only reason you almost did die was because you were dumb enough to waltz forward up to a mer. You realized that you were still keeping quiet about it, though, when you’d thought about reporting it to the authorities. You should just tell her the truth. Maybe she knew who to talk to about it. This could save lives. 

“Oh, you poor thing. Can I take a look at it? I have some cream that could help.” She offers, holding out a hand. Although this is the perfect opportunity, you find yourself stepping back again. Why aren’t you being honest?

“N-No, that’s fine! I’ve already cleaned it and dressed it for now. It will be okay. Thank you, though.” You smile, meekly, grabbing the bike key. She offers you another worried look, but doesn’t press. 

“If you’re certain. Have fun today, and call me if you need anything.” She says, and you thank her before taking your leave. You’re still trying to fathom why exactly you hadn’t been honest as you make your way back down the stairs, hesitating as you near the bottom. All you can see in the water right now is… Well, nothing. Just vast blue as far as the eye can see. Your steps are still hesitant as you touch down on the sand, and you decide to take your sandals off for easier walking. It’s still early out, the sand retaining the cool morning air, but it feels nice to squish between your toes as you head back down to where you were yesterday. 

In the distance, you can spy the alcove you had settled near, as well as your flipflops. Your sunhat is nowhere to be seen, though. Probably blew away again. Well, whatever… Probably for the best. You’re not sure you’d ever wear that thing again anyways. Now comes the fun task: Finding your earbuds. You grab your other shoes and set your current ones aside, settling on your knees as you sift through the sand. You manage to find one easily, but the other is giving you trouble. Focused in your task, you don’t see something rise out of the ocean in your peripheral vision. 

“Hey!” A voice calls out, and you gasp, nearly dropping your one bud. You look over, and it’s that same mer from yesterday. You instantly begin to feel your heart drum faster, and you get to your feet, ready to flee again despite him being over fifteen feet away and only half on the shore. “Don’t leave, please! I’d like to talk to you.” You notice that he sounds awfully more polite today, and when you take in the sight of what you can see from his tail, that’s when you realize; This isn’t the same mer. His blue is brighter. A little more vibrant, with seafoam green patterns that shimmer in the soft sunlight filtering through the clouds. 

Upon further inspection, you notice that he even seems a little nervous himself. He’s smiling, but it’s tepid; Uncertain. Where he holds himself up, you can see a finger tapping anxiously into the sand. He looks ready to dart, but not at you. Away from you. There’s a tension to his muscles that screams he’s not sure if he wants to be here, but more that, perhaps, he’s forcing himself to be. It doesn’t completely lower your guard, but it does give you a pause from immediately fleeing. Your own muscles are tense, though, and you slowly turn fully back towards him. You crouch once more, near where you had been. His muscles don’t relax, but you see his face soften more. Less concerned, now. 

He takes a moment, then, as if he’s suddenly unsure about what to say. You most certainly don’t speak up, wringing your hands together anxiously as you wait for something to happen. Anything. “I, um…” He starts, now suddenly seeming a lot more nervous as he takes you in. “My name is Connor. What’s yours?” He finally introduces himself. You just peer at him, wondering how a mer has such a common human name. It’s awfully strange. 

You finally offer your own name, quiet, but loud enough to carry over the breeze. He repeats it, smiling just a bit wider, and you find your heart picking up speed again for an entirely different reason this time. “Listen, I just wanted to apologize for my brother’s actions yesterday. It’s… Not often at all we get to interact with humans, and I think he just got a bit too excited.” The smile falls from his face, more into a grimness. “That doesn’t excuse what he did, of course, but I just want you to know that he truly didn’t mean any harm.” You’re not quite sure you believe him, and clearly that thought reflects on your face, because Connor’s face falls just a bit more. 

“We don’t kill humans. I swear on my life. We really, barely interact with any.” He promises, face serious, head bowed a bit, although his gaze still holds yours. There’s a lot of questions on your tongue that you have, but you’re trying to choose the most important one right now. After all, time may be limited. This could be a trap. What if one flew out of the ocean and dragged you in? 

It’s a glaringly preposterous thought, but there have been rumors that mer were able to shift and form legs. If that was true, one of them could creep up on you in the sand without you knowing. 

…What a silly idea. There’s no way. Right? 

If you’re feeling unnerved, so is Connor by the look you see on his face. He is apologizing… Mers will trick you. It comes floating back to your mind. Your hand grips your shorts. You finally ask at least one of the questions on your mind. 

“How do you know coast tongue so well?” You ask, and you can see his shoulders droop a bit in relief that you actually are talking to him. 

“We have a good human friend. He took care of us after we were… Left our home.” He looks like he’s choosing his words carefully, at the end. You squint. Was he lying? “He lives nearby. Has a home on the coast like yourself.” He glances over yonder, and you look that way also, up the cliff, but don’t spot anything. Must be more secluded and further out, then. Your eyes are drawn back to the water as you hear a hiss, and the telltale sound of clicking. You feel your blood pressure spike up as another figure emerges from the water, and boy is he imposing. 

You notice immediately that he looks also very similar to Connor, except his complexion is paler. He’s broader, with darker hair and cold, distrustful stormy blue eyes. His jaw is sharper, and the scales on his cheeks are darker as well, but you can’t see any of his tail as only his shoulders and above are not submerged. He doesn’t look mad, but he certainly doesn’t look friendly. You’re still a decent distance away, but even you can feel the icy glower he’s giving you. Connor looks down at him, looking a bit exasperated, and the figure disappears back into the water with a silent ripple. “...That’s my other brother.” He explains, and suddenly you’re on edge. How many more were they?

“...Are there more than just the three of you?” You ask, worried, and he shakes his head. 

“It’s just us. Other mers don’t like to come around here. Awhile back, sealife population was scarce, which meant for more difficult hunts. It’s repopulated since, but others still stay away.” He explains. Well, that would explain a few things… You could only hope that distant pods wouldn’t catch wind of it and come swarming back over. Three mers was enough, even if some of them seemed… Well tempered. You’re surprised to find that you’re a little more relaxed, now. Your heart has calmed since the other mer swam away, and ponder about what he had said to Connor. He seemed upset. What were you talking about? Oh, right. The human. You wonder if that had anything to do with it. 

“What’s the human’s name?” You ask, curious if he was known around town, or even if your grandmother knew him. “The one that takes– Or, took– Care of you.” Ah, that must have been it. You can see uncertainty crawl back onto the mer’s features, and he shifts a bit in the sand, curling his tail a little further up to reseat himself. Part of you wants to back off. You don’t want to pressure him if he doesn’t want to talk about it… Then again, the other part of you is petty with how you were scared half to death the other day. That, and you still don’t completely trust him. 

“How’s your injury?” He deflects, and you’re certain you see a deep blue fin crest just behind him before slinking back down into the water. That other mer is still around, then. “It’s not too bad, is it?”

“It’s fine.” You reply, a bit stiffly, glancing behind you where you kneel. You decide to adjust yourself as well, moving to sit on your bottom, now with your legs in front. His eyes catch onto the wrapped appendage, brow creasing a bit. “He… Didn’t inject me with any venom.” You admit, brushing the sand off of your knees and calves. 

“No. We only do that to prey.” He explains, as if trying to further convince you of his insistence that you weren’t going to be food. You can see a bit of color come to his cheeks. “And, um… For… Other things.” He admits, a little quietly, and you tilt your head to the side. 

“Like what?” You ask, curiosity piqued at how he seems to look a little squeamish now. You see his tail flick up out of the water, softly slapping back down in contemplation. 

“Well… I’m not entirely sure how to say it in coast tongue, but it’s… Potent for other mers, too. It also can be in humans, if injected in lower doses, and not the normal doses we would inflict for… Prey.” He grimaces a bit at the thought, but that doesn’t answer anything. You just stare at him, a little blankly, and he squirms again. “It can be used for, ah… Mating.” He finally decides on, and it takes you a moment to realize what he’s implying. 

“Like an aphrodisiac.” You conclude, and he looks a bit confused. 

“A what?” He asks. You try to put it eloquently, but instead it just comes out a little more blunt than you’d like it to be. 

“It’s something that makes you horny.” Your own cheeks heat up as you say this, but Connor is still looking bewildered. God, you’re putting your foot in your mouth. “It– That’s the feeling you get when you want to mate with someone. When you’re in heat. Kinda.” You explain, hoping he understands, and he seems to. Semblance of knowledge flashes across his face, and he nods his head. 

“Yes. Exactly like that.” Well, that would explain why humans always felt so drugged and tired when they were dosed ‘lethally’. You’d never experienced an aphrodisiac, but the descriptors felt similar. Before you could mull on it anymore, though, it suddenly occurred to you how strange this was. You were sitting here, talking with a mer about how their toxins could apparently be used for sex not even a full day after you’d nearly been drowned by one. Or, at least, caught by one… 

For a moment, you both just sat there in silence, unsure of what else to say. You weren’t keen on getting to know the mers, really, not after your encounter. It seems that Connor’s brother– The one who had harassed you– Must’ve felt the same, as he wasn’t here today. It was just the mer in front of you, and the other one skulking about in the water. You listened to the distant sounds of birds, faintly tickling your ears, and that’s when you remembered the whole reason you came down here. You looked over, beginning to sift through the sand once again for your missing technology. “What are you doing?” He spoke up, resting on his stomach now. He crossed his arms, chin coming to rest on them, and you couldn’t help but wonder if he had anything better to do than lay here and watch you. 

“Looking for my earbud.” You explained, and his head tilted to the side. It reminded you of his brother, with the way that curl drooped down his face. Gosh, he really was handsome… That thought certainly didn’t leave you. 

“What’s that?” His eyes flash in curiosity, and you turn your body a bit to look in a different area. 

“It’s something I use to listen to music.” You pause, glancing at him. “Do you know what that is?”

“I… Do.” He replies, perking up at first, before something seems to cross his mind that stops him from saying anything else. You search more in silence, before he breaks it again. “Do you have a favorite music?”

“Favorite song.” You correct, quietly, brows furrowing in frustration as you can’t find anything still. “I have a few favorites. I can’t choose just one.” You admit. You move your hand more, digging deep until finally you manage to grab hold of it. Must’ve gotten buried from your haste yesterday. 

“Can I listen to one of them?” He asks, lifting his head up, watching you brush and blow the sand out of the bud, trying to clean it out as best as you can. You glance over at him, unable to keep your face away from the curious look in his eyes. Genuine curiosity. It doesn’t look like something that could be faked. If you thought his brother had some boyish charm to him, Connor certainly blew him out of the water with his. 

“...Why me?” You suddenly find yourself asking, frowning as you turn your attention back to him. The look on his face instantly begins to melt away, and you keep firm from trying to backpedal and give in. Now he was certainly a sad, wet puppy. “It seems like… You all try to keep yourselves secret. Secluded. I understand why, but… If that’s the case, why would your brother risk it all by talking to me?” Connor seems to shrink down a bit from the question, curling in on himself a bit, a soft grimace overtaking his features. 

“I… Don’t know. You’d have to ask him.” He says, so quiet that it’s almost carried away by the ocean waves. “He wants to talk to you again, though. Maybe you could talk to him later.” He suggests, perking up a bit, only to flatten some as he sees the unenthusiastic look on your face. You’d have to see if curiosity would get the better of you. 

“...I should go.” You finally declare, getting to your feet. You brush the rest of the sand off, grabbing your two pairs of shoes, and tuck your earbuds away. 

“Will you come back?” Connor asks, and you can’t help but to feel a flare in your chest at the hopeful sound of his voice. You pause after you take a step, sparing a small glance back at him. He looks as hopeful as he sounds, and it makes you hesitate. Uncertainty prickles under your skin. 

“Maybe.” You finally reply, turning and plodding down the beach. You don’t get a response from him, but you can hear shuffling as he drags himself back into the water, disappearing from sight. You spare a glance back as the spot he was once in washes away, hiding any evidence of him.

[secretbangtnn]

Best Of Me | One

Pairings : →ot7 x reader, poly!BTS x reader

Genre : → vampireau, yandere!au, age gap, gore, obsessive behavior, ddlg/caregiver, poly, fantasy, supernaturals

summary : It’s quite unusual to find a little baby on your doorstep, especially that their area was not of the poorest - you could say that a vampire town was efficient with money and snobby creatures. However over time the first idea of just giving back the little girl seems more and more radical and those moody vampires slowly start perceiving deeper feelings to human they even wanted to kill.

notes ~

So im not really as happy as i wanted to be with this chapter, but its the first one that i needed to translate. Suprisingly Its easier for me to write the whole thing myslef than translating it from my native language. + Remember to leave something and im happy to say that we can start an ask game with the characters from my books

next

Surprisingly this day was awfully ugly for such a beautiful season. Heavy rain was falling on the ground creating the big sheets of wall with those millions droplets that practically covered the whole view outside of the freshly cleaned window.

Tired sigh pierced the quiet, as for the household members, house only causing the weird tension to increase that was there from the early morning. Dark hair of the boy moved with him, now facing the cold, wet window.

Hyung…” Groaned the boy crashing on the couch closing the eyes in the process a little frustrated. Walking just next to him, a little taller man with bright yellow hair, looked at the dark haired one with a tired stare.

“I don’t have time Jungkook, go torture Yoongi or something.” A snort came out of the older one after the not so innocent proposition, as he kept carrying the big basket full of clothes.

And again he was alone. The youngest of the brothers, being the one who never knew what to do with his free time, wandering in the halls and every couch he could spot in their cosy house. His dark chocolate hair falling on his face, a little too long for his liking, but he was too lazy to actually do something with them.

Again that not happy groan left his lips, and wriggling similar to a child that did not get a toy he wanted, in the end forcing him to sit on the couch with a big pout. It was not normal in this household, the whole quiet and calm act, especially considering the residents he shared the home with.

They are more similar to animals than gentelems that appreciate a quiet time. So the weird atmosphere was definitely an unsettling thing for the youngest.

Again looking at the dark view outside the window, he tried to see the cause of all of this. Completely as if something was meant to happen, like the quiet before the storm.

And let me tell you, Jungkooks 6th sense never fails. Just as he thought that maybe just maybe this time he was wrong, a ring echoed in the whole household.

“Someone is gonna open it?!” He shouted being too irritated to even do it himself, despite being the closest to the doors.

Of course, nobody answered. So angry he was at this moment he got up from a nice cozy couch and with heavy steps he came to the big chunk of the wood.

He opened the door not that gently, mumbling an annoyed “what?”

So how irritated he got when he saw nothing, a void, the same doorstep and gate that stood there everyday, now with a big wall of rain to spice up the view. He looked around, now a little confused, while thinking that maybe someone was in the mood for jokes. But how stupid the idea of that was when he remebered, that for his hundreds years of living in this world the first time that actually someone managed to make fun of him was today.

And oh god he started to get so pissed.

So imagine how shocked he was when just before he closed the door he heard a really unusual sound coming from his feets. Unhappy sobs rang in the quiet afternoon immediately attracting his attention.

The young vampire was more than shocked, looking at the child in the pille of pastel colored blankets. Small sobs now increased in a big crocodile's tears with disturbing sounds of the kids crying.

“”No, no, no, please be quiet, we don’t want to wake up the old, ugly, moody grandpa. do we?” He panicked, whispering the words to the child that now laid in his arms. He just prayed that the actual old vampire really didn't take up because of the cries.

As the kid started to calm down, he stared at it with an unreadable emotion. It was a weird feeling, holding the delicate creature in his arm, knowing that just one wrong move, and the child would never cry again.

So what was that feeling that stirred down his stomach as the little creature grabbed his finger with a big open mouth. The sick emotion only made him panic even more, while looking back inside the house.

He decidied,. Sneaking was nothing new for his ninja move, and he strongly believed in his skills of not getting caught with a surprise in his arms. In the end the spiderman socks were a good choice, as their soft material made nearly no sound on the floor.

His stress level went higher with each step that brought him closer to the room that he knew he could not miss. The sound of a knife and cutting rung in his ears is similar to the music in horror music he likes to watch, now making him understand a feeling of pure fear.

Eyes closed while praying that the blonde man won’t turn around catching him in his act. But how wrong he was to believe in such a miracle. Nothing and absolutely gets past Kim Seokjin.

“Jeon Jungkook…” He died, completely freezing in place. Not opening his eyes he waited thinking that maybe it was just his head messing with him, and the blonde boy never actually turned to him. “What have you done again. If I need to clean the mess once again from the ketchup, I'm not going to…”

And as Jungkook thought that nothing can go worse, the little chil laughed a happy giggle while making the grabby hands for his bracelet.

“Jungkook?...What exactly are you holding?” The question like a knife cutted the heavy atmosphere in half. The silence just after that louder than everything he has heard before. He was even sure that he felt his nonexisting heart stopping. “Did you fucking steall a child?! I can’t be…”

“No! It’s not like that I swear I found it on our doorstep.”

“Do you really think think I am that stupid? How even the child could just appear there hm? Rolled there or better flyed on its plush unicorn?”

“Hyung, please you are going to wake up others.” He didn’t even hesitate to beg, looking at the blonde with such terrified eyes. The child in his arms happily munching on his bracelet completely unaware of the tension.

“Why would I care about others! You brought a child Jungkook, how can i be calm!?”

Dark haired unconsciously looked around with gritted teeth, now just waiting for the rest to appear. And he did not need to wait long, as just after he looked back at the blonde, someone came from the other side of the kitchen door.

Tall man with peachy hair and raspy voice, trying to get rid of the rest of his sleep, now scratching his head with confused expressions. Who wouldn’t be confused in this place, seeing a literal child in a house full of old vampires.

“What is this mess all about? You know what hour it is?” Said the tallest one. Blondie one only snorted as if offended while crossing his arms. “What?”

“Nothing.” Oldest mumbled irritated. The tallest only raised his brow, and repeated the question once again. Jungkook being now forgotten with the child trying to catch his attention with little sounds. “You dare to remind me of the hour?! Do you know how many nights I didn’t sleep because of you! If I just could silence you for good, you would have long ago ended like the voldemort, yes i'm talking about that nose of yours”

The taller one immediately touched his nose gasping not believing in what he just heard, now trying to silently disappear from the harash stare of his older brother.

As the peach hired one hid behind a counter, the attention now came back to the snaking Jungkook. More pairs of footsteps rang in the quietness of the home, slowly showing other people.

“Jin-hyung is angry again? What happened I want to see.” Announced the newcomer, sliding on his perfectly white socks.

“Who is angry here?! You want to see how angry I can be you...you…”

“You silly goose?”

“No that's to lame.”

“Dipshit?”

“You dipshit! Thank you Namjoon.” He finished with a red face. The newcomer only rolled his eyes, while making the shortest of the brothers that came with him laugh.

“Since everyone is here…” The tallest started.

“Wait, where is Yoongi.” Asked the red haired one, while leaning on the counter with a mysteriously made coffee.

“Here.” All of them shouted, hearing the sudden voice, and seeing the new person that appeared with a lightning of thunder. “So what’s this mess about?”

Everyone in the room simultaneously looked at the dark haired boy that immediately stopped in his tracks hoping for some power that could help him disappear. All the eyes slowly drifted down his arms, now staring at a bundle of blankets that started to move as if it knew of the attention.

“What is that?” Asked the tallest looking straight at the irritated blonde.

“Don’t ask me, I’m not the one that gives such a stupid example, making those idiots steal children.”

The kitchen is now again quiet, all the eyes on the little creature in the arms of the youngest. Only sound now being the child starting to sob again, making everyone tense.

“Shut it up you morons.” Said second oldest, annoyed at the loud cries. The blonde didn’t waste time, knowing how bad noise is for the black haired. Small body now shuddering because of the sobbing making the oldest coo at the little child.

His arms soon hold the bundle of blanket, trying to calm the kid down with his baby voice. It wasn’t hard to get lost in its eyes, them being mysterious and full of innocence, drawing up the blonde one. His big hand now on its red cheek, trying to feel the texture of the soft skin under his fingers.

And as the cries never happened, the child started giggling again trying to grab Seokjin hands with such a beautiful smile. It was a really soft sight to see making them all calm and giddy inside. But as the child opened its mouth Seokjin's smiles disappeared.

“What the matter?” Asked Namjoon a little bit taken aback by the change of his hyungs mood. The oldest only looked back at the rest of them with a terrified expression.

“It's a human.”

[joyaphoria]

the five chances you give him (5)

pairing: suna x f!reader

note: this is the last chapter! i hope you all enjoyed :)

summary: suna knew that he was doing something wrong, but he refused to acknowledge it. therefore, you slowly dropped five major hints for him, hoping that he would notice them and take action to fix your broken relationship. suna really did notice them, he just didn’t figure out in time that you were actually going to leave.

series masterlist | directory

© 𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘢

part five: rin became rintaro; then it became suna

"oh baby... nobody said that it was going to be easy." mei cooed, her voice softer than usual. she repeatedly kissed the top of your head as you cried into her lap.

"i k-know but.." you spoke through your sobs, snot along your sleeves. "i-i really hoped t-that he would ch-change.."

it's been just over two months since you've started changing your behaviour around rin, but he didn't seem to react to it—no, he may have changed, but only a bit. it wasn't enough.

you knew that this was unavoidable, and that it had to be done. the longer it takes for you to get this over with, the longer it will take for you to get over it.

so when mei sent you home that night, she reassured you that it will all be worth it in the end, and that you will find someone better.

but the fact that he was waiting for you at the same table that you used to wait at, every single night, didn't help at all.

"where were you?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

you stood there for a second with your shoes still on, and folded over with laughter.

his heart flutters. whens the last time you laughed in front of him?

"sorry," you sniffled through the laughter, the aftermath from crying earlier doing you no justice. "it's just that i used to sit in that same chair, waiting for you to come home, you know?"

hesitating for a moment, he decided on getting up and walking over to you, although he didn't know what to do.

"y/n." he's looking down at you now, resisting the urge to reach out and take hold of your hands.

"rintarou."

now that caught both of you off guard.

it slipped out without a second thought on your end, and you were visibly shocked.

as was suna, except he was more afraid than anything else. he knew what this meant—he was no longer rin to you, but rintarou.

he should be grateful though, because he knew what eventually might come next. he knew that it wouldn't be rintarou for long, and that as soon as it changes, it would be over; everything would be over.

"were you crying?" he whispers, reaching out to wipe at your tear stained cheeks. except you wouldn't let him, grabbing his wrist in time. God—mei would be so proud; as would that kind lady from the cafe.

"why should you care?" you spat, letting go of his wrist to remove your shoes.

"because im your boyfriend." he said, although you didn't miss the quiver in his voice from that last word, as if he wasn't so sure anymore.

you move past him and head straight for the bathroom; but suna didn't miss it. he heard what you mumbled on your way out—and it had him slumped against the wall (when you were out of sight, that is)

his fists are clenched and his heart is beating a little too fast, but he can't get his mind off of what you said.

"yea, well not for long"

five words, and yet they seemed to foreshadow his future.

-

there were two possible reasons that you could be waking him up at 10 in the morning.

you were either waking him up to tell him that it was over, and that you were leaving, or that it was over, and that he had to leave.

turns out there was a third reason.

"do you have practice today?" you asked, your voice a whisper.

"yeah.. why?" he got up into a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. its been a while since you last entered this room, moving all your things to the guest room.

"oh. nevermind." you make a gesture to leave but he panics and grabs your arm. this could be an opportunity, and he wasn't about to lose it.

"i could um.. take the day off." he nods his head.

"are you sure?" when he nods his head yet again, your features soften.

"okay, well get dressed. i feel like going to a theme park."

you leave the room before he has a chance to answer, but he complies anyways.

his mind wanders to the picture that he broke in the heat of the moment awhile back—the one where you were both smiling at an amusement park, kids laughing in the bakground.

-

"let's go on that one!" you exclaim, pointing at the rollercoaster.

a soft grin takes over your face—and while it may not be your typical energetic one, at least it was still there.

now, suna wasn't a big fan of rollercoasters. he prefered to have you go on them, while he took the photos, but today's been the first time in a while that he's actually seen you happy, and he wanted to keep it that way.

you've been here all day, and it was already pretty dark, so they might be closing soon anyways.

when the cart had finally come back around, you and rin got on, with a guy slipping in on your side.

"you guys here together?" he asked, looking over you to make eye contact with suna.

you nodded, and he chuckled.

"im here with my girlfriend, but she doesn't like roller coasters as much as i do."

now you and him are making small talk, and suna is resisting the urge to tell the guy to shut up, and to go back to his own girlfriend.

when the ride finally starts, he feels relieved, even slipping his hand into your own.

your hand tenses, and he looks up to find a look of guilt soaked into your features.

he quickly unravels his hand from yours, settling it into his lap and looking away. he got too carried away to remember that a day of rides and fun wasnt enough to fix his mistakes.

as the ride starts climbing upwards, fear pumps through his veins.

he shuts his eyes, dreading the fall.

when it finally came, he opened his eyes and hugged himself to keep from screaming.

he looks over to you, and his heart does that thing again—it flutters.

with your hands in the air, your screams adorning his ears, he fell in love. all over again.

the moonlight caressed your pretty features as your eyes shut in pure bliss, and suna found tears falling out of his own.

the tears fell but he didn't sob—not once. you didn't look his way either—not once.

instead he looked away, quickly wiping the tears before someone could catch him. he missed this; he missed you.

when you two got off the ride later, he wonders if you would ever go to another theme park with him.

-

when you decide to leave, suna finds an employee walking around the park with a polaroid camera.

he asks him to take a picture of you, and places it in his wallet. he can't break it this time.

suna misses the look of guilt that slips past your face, as if it were never there.

-

when the car pulls into the parking lot, and you both get out, suna realizes that you weren't walking beside him.

he panics and turns around, where he finds you smiling. tears in your eyes.

"thank you for today, suna."

he freezes. he can't move anymore. he can't think.

"don't be silly. let's go inside." he's walking again, but when he doesn't hear a second set of footsteps, the tears wash over him.

"why aren't you coming?" his voice cracks as the tears stream down his face.

"i'm going to mei's. it's-it's over." you smile, wiping continuously at your eyes.

"y/n please, we can talk about this." he's running over to you, taking hold of your shoulders as he bends down to make eye contact. "we're fixable, okay? i promise we are." he doesn't make move to wipe away the tears that are falling.

you wipe away his tears, pulling him into a hug. "i'm so sorry."

he wraps his arms around you and holds you tight, afraid of having you slip out of his grasp. "please, don't leave me. i'll do anything, just give me another chance. i need you."

you wriggle out of his arms, and his fists clench at his sides.

"i gave you chances. i gave you too many. i have to go."

you're running now, and he can't decide if he should run after you or not. has he not caused you enough pain?

instead, he falls to his knees and cries.

that was it. he lost you—he lost everything.

the polaroid picture was burning a hole through his wallet.

-

when he finally musters up the courage to check the guest room a few days later, he sees all your things packed up in boxes.

you had it all planned out, didn't you?

-

when mei comes later that day to pick up your things, she finds suna curled into a ball on the guest room floor.

"suna. wake up."

his eyes open slowly, and she finds them red, his eyebags puffy and cheeks tear-stained.

"is y/n gonna come back?" he asks, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

mei shakes her head, and suna cries again.

she looks away, thanking the heavens that she wasn't in a relationship. she couldn't help but pity him as she collected her best friend's things, suna's sobs as a sort of background noise.

she couldn't be surprised—the lost of your entire world was enough to make any grown man cry.

-

heartbreak isn’t easy, but suna’s heart hurts without you. where he sleeps, where he bathes, it all reeks of your touch.

you’re everywhere here, all memories playing back to him like a movie. he’s reminded of you, and recovering addicts don’t test themselves; they dont stay around said addiction to see if they can restrain themselves.

and so suna moves out, running from the place that you’ve drenched in your presence.

he leaves the polaroid picture on the table.

[fruitcoops]

I'm having a shit day all around and the only way it could be better is to have my sister around lol but she's away for college. I was wondering if you could do a fic with Jules or Reg? Where they're having an awful day and seek sibling hugs? :) Thank you

Anon, this is such a mood right now and I hope you can see your sister soon <3 SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

Regulus didn’t miss the Snakes. Far from it, actually—he hated them and everything they stood for, and he would never forgive them for what they did to his brother. For all he cared, they could burn alongside his parents.

But sometimes…sometimes he regretted dropping out of hockey.

The spotlight was constantly on Sirius, now; there were no more comparisons between the brothers, but that also meant the papers never looked deeper than the surface of Regulus’ personality. Sirius was overwhelmingly, ridiculously proud of him for going to college—almost too proud, in Regulus’ opinion—and lit up like a candle whenever it was brought up at an interview.

He’s my little brother, Sirius had said during the most recent conference. I’m happy he’s following his heart for once.

So reporters fawned over him whenever they saw him at the grocery store and peppered him with endless questions, only to sprinkle in the bare minimum around all the amazing, wonderful things Sirius had done in the past 24 hours since they last interrogated him. They spoke to Regulus like he was some dumb high schooler who had dropped out because he couldn’t handle the pressure—simpering, sympathetic, and a little pitying.

They didn’t care about him. They cared that he was the great Sirius Black’s kid brother, and there was nothing he could do about it now that he was off the ice.

Regulus scrolled past a few more articles with his face plastered on the front, gripping the cool marble countertop tightly. Let it roll off, he reminded himself. They don’t know you or Sirius.

NHL Dropout to Attend NYU

Younger Black ‘Following His Heart’

Sirius Black: Proudest Brother in the NHL

See Sirius Black’s New Interview Here!

“I’m heading out!” Remus called from the front door, snapping Regulus’ train of thought.

“Alright, drive safe.”

The door closed behind him with a clickand Regulus sighed, sliding down to sit on the floor. He rested his head back against the cabinets, simultaneously too upset to be productive and too energized to mope around. He lingered there for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling, before sighing again and heading into the basement. Only one thing would make him feel better.

“Bonjour,” Sirius said absentmindedly as he skated along the outside of the rink.

“Got room for one more?”

Sirius looked up and grinned. “Course.”

Lacing his skates was muscle memory, and pushing out onto the ice was more of a relief than he cared to admit. Part of him had been afraid it would be soured by his decision to leave the NHL—maybe that was a silly thought, but hockey still held a large piece of his heart.

Maybe I’ll go back someday, he thought as he flicked a puck to Sirius. Not now, but…later.

The puck bounced off the front of his skates. “You’re thinking too loud.”

“You don’t think loud enough,” he countered.

Sirius barked a laugh and checked him lightly. “Head in the game, petit enfant. Head in the game.”

“I hate it when you call me that.”

“Why do you think I do it?”

“Because you’re an asshole.” He slapped the puck toward the goal, but it bounced off the crossbar. Irritation flared hot and white in his chest. “Pass it back, yeah?”

“There’s one right next to your—”

“Just pass it back!” Regulus snapped. His throat felt tight; the back of his neck itched, and there was unwelcome pressure building behind his eyes.

Sirius’ teasing smile dimmed. “Reg?”

He sniffled. “Just pass the fucking puck, okay?”

The soft shush of skates was familiar and more soothing than Regulus cared to admit. Nobody skated as quietly as Sirius—there was a reason they called him ‘Padfoot’ after all. He stared at the ground, willing the tears of hurt and frustration to vanish into thin air. Arms wound around him.

“Stop it,” he demanded, though his voice broke. “Sirius, let go.”

Sirius pulled him closer and rested his chin on top of his head. Regulus felt something crack a little inside, and his shoulders began to shake with silent sobs. Sirius rubbed his back like he was eight years old again, falling apart in the backyard because his feet hurt, and it was cold, and that stupid play just wasn’t clicking.

“Nobody likes me,” he blubbered. In any other scenario, he would’ve felt like the biggest wuss in North America, but Sirius was safe. Sirius was home.

“People like you.”

“Only because they like you better.” He took a few shallow gulps of air. “They—they pretend to care an’ I can’t even do anything about it anymore.”

“Is this about reporters?”

“It’s about everyone.”

Sirius sighed heavily. “Reg—”

“It’s fine, I can handle it—”

“Stop.” Silence fell over the rink. Sirius pulled back and held Regulus’ face between his hands, looking straight into his eyes. “You are outstanding, and one of the bravest people I know. If reporters don’t take the time to see that, they aren’t worth your energy.”

Regulus wiped his cheek dry. “I know.”

“And the Lions think you’re pretty damn cool, too. James is still waiting for that rematch after you kicked his ass. Leo’s your best friend. Remus has been talking about that book you recommended for a week straight, which I don’t know whether to thank you for—” That drew a weak laugh from him, and he saw Sirius’ face soften. “—and I’m your brother. I missed you, and I love you. So please don’t dwell on tabloids or some shit like that. They have no right to make you feel unloved.”

Regulus leaned forward into his chest with a few deep breaths. “How are you so good at pep talks?”

“Captain.”

“Ugh, right.”

“I was terrible at them in the beginning,” he said. Regulus snorted. “Ask Pots or Kasey sometime. It was mortifying. I’m pretty sure Coach almost took my badge away for that.”

“Really?”

“Mhmm. Now come on, your slapshot still sucks.”

“It does not!” Regulus protested, punching him in the arm as he pulled away. “My slapshot is perfect!”

“Tell that to the crossbar.” Sirius their skates together. “Come on, put some power into it!”

“I regret being related to you.”

“Says the one who got snot on my shirt five minutes ago.”

Regulus’ next (entirely perfect, thank you very much) slapshot went directly toward Sirius’ shin. He dodged, unfortunately, but the undignified yelp it earned him was well worth the trouble.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

How about a monster tom x reader where tom dreamt about him accidentally killing reader and when he sees reader they straight up tackle them to the ground and keeps saying I'm sorry over and over until reader bushes them and they talk it out and hug and watch a movie.

"What the hell, [y/n]?!! You ruined Susan!!!"

"She only has a scratch. Relax." You rolled your eyes as Tom scowled at you from across the room, holding his bass guitar. "Edd has destroyed her on purpose before, but you're mad at me for scratching her by accident?"

Usually he wouldn't get this upset, but all day long he seemed annoyed by everything. And apparently this was the cherry on top.

"Because unlike that idiot, I thought YOU would know better than to touch my shit!! God, you're just as dumb as--!!" All of the sudden, he let out a grunt of pain, dropping the guitar and clutching his head. His eyes whitened with stress. "J-Just get out..."

"Tom?" Now you were less irritated and more concerned, seeing his skin turn a light shade of lavender.

Never before have you seen him freak out this much to the point of transforming. It was starting to scare you.

"Hey c'mon, stay with me." You attempted to reach out to him. "It's okay, we'll take her to a repair shop and I'll pay for-"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" His voice deepened as he slapped your hand away, though he heard a wince and saw that you were bleeding, before he noticed that his claws already manifested.

That only made him angrier. "See?!! YOU NEVER LISTEN!! YOU'VE NEVER LISTENED TO ME OR CARED ABOUT ME!! You think I'm a goddamn freak, don't you?!!"

'What the hell am I saying?!! I-I don't mean any of that...!!' Internally, Tom was panicking, confused as to why his mouth was blurting out these untrue things.

All of this over an instrument he can fix?

What was happening to him?

"N-No, Tom..I...I-I-" You were frozen on the spot, unable to defend yourself as he fully transformed, horns scraping the ceiling.

"Admit it..YOU HATE ME!!!"

'Don't listen to me, [y/n]! Please run!! FOR THE LOVE OF MACARONI JUST RUN!!!!' But despite his pleas, you had no chance to run away as the monster roared and tackled you to the ground.

No matter how much you begged him to stop, he could only sink his claws and teeth into your flesh. Pure rage and hunger fueled his instinct to kill, without realizing who he was killing to begin with.

Though when your screams were silenced forever, Tom blinked and got ahold of himself. He looked down at you, jaw dropping as he saw your mangled corpse.

'No..no, no, no!!!'

With a whimper, he tried shaking you, but you remained limp on the carpet floor.

This time he was the one screaming, covered in your blood.

.

.

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.

"And this is Ringo's feeding schedule," Edd smiled as he handed you a list. "I made it literally this morning so uhh..yeah just follow that if you can, please."

"Thanks. I promise she won't starve." You chuckled, waving goodbye to him and his friends as they went out for the day. Tord bumped into you, reminding you to not let the "Jehovah's witness" sleep in, but you pushed him out the door before slamming it shut.

With a sigh, you turned around and glanced at the list, making your way into the living room space. For once you and Tom had the house to yourselves, so now you just had to wake him up so you'd feel less lonely.

"Does Edd know he can just buy an automatic pet feeder-?"

You jumped as you heard a loud scream, looking up in bewilderment. 'That sounded like-'

Moments later you saw Tom race out into the room, his eyes white as a ghost. But the moment he saw you, he yelled your name and tackled you to the floor.

"Ouch!! What the hell?!" You snapped, trying to sit up as you felt yourself being crushed by his arms. "Are you trying to kill me-?!!"

"I-I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry!!"

"..huh?" It was then you realized he was crying, face buried into your hoodie as he violently trembled. "Tommy?" You hugged him back, letting him cling to you. That only seemed to amplify his sobs.

"A-All those horrible things I said..th-they weren't me! I couldn't control myself!! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!"

For a moment you wondered what he might've recently said to hurt you, but you couldn't remember. You two never argued over anything serious. He had more fights with Tord than you.

Then you realized...

"Oh, Tom...you were just dreaming." You hushed, rubbing his back. "That's all it was. Just a dream."

"I-It felt so real, though. There was so much blood..y-your blood, and you weren't moving and I-I thought..I-"

"You didn't kill me. I'm right here, and I'm not hurt..physically or emotionally."

You could feel his fingers dig into your hoodie more. "Y-You're okay?"

"Yes. I'm okay."

That reassurance calmed him down, as he pulled away slightly to look at you, eyes going back to normal. You smiled and cupped his cheek, brushing away the tears. "Must've been a hell of a nightmare, huh?"

Tom just nodded, still sniffling on occasion. "Yeah..I just..had to make sure it didn't actually happen. Head gets a little fuzzy when I'm in that other form, y'know?"

"Don't worry, you didn't transform. Otherwise this whole place would've been trashed again." You chuckled.

"I'd rather have this place gone than ever hurt you."

"Awh, that's the most romantic thing you've said to me so far."

Now that you were both feeling better, you shared a kiss on the lips before embracing once more. "Good morning, by the way." You spoke after a few seconds of silence.

"Yeah..morning. So everyone else is out, huh?"

"For a few hours. Edd just gave me a schedule to feed Ringo. Maybe we could stream that new zombie robot movie you wouldn't shut up about?"

Tom looked at you with a sparkle in his eyes. "You mean Killer Zombie-Robots from Outer Space: The Prequel????"

"Uh...yeah. That one."

After you both got up, you went to the couch and turned the TV on, comfortably plopping down. Ringo joined you as well as she curled up in your lap.

As you looked for the movie, Tom cuddled up to you, head resting on your shoulder as he tried forgetting about that dream.

He was just glad nobody else was home right now.

[justawritingblob]

The fact that I'm in all of those fandoms you're writing 😃

Hello! I'll be known as the Sero Anon!

My yandere request for you is;

{Choose character} Sabo/Luffy/Sanji, or Hawks/Kirishima/Denki

[Plot]Reader is aware of their yandere tendecies and takes advantage of how much the yandere is in love until the yandere snaps

Luffy is an easy yandere to fall in line with.

it becomes really convenient really quick. He's not a very romantic person most of the time, so really it's just being the favorite crew mate at first. You don't have to help around the ship as much. You can sleep in later. You have final say on when your turn to keep watch is. A lot of the time you even end up sleeping in his captains' quarters with him, which is significantly more comfortable then the hammock you're used too.

Not to mention the extra food. You get all this, and all he wants is for you to sit on his lap sometimes and let him wrap his arms around you several time, or he'll wake you up at odd hours of the night just so he can talk to you when nobody else is around. Those can be kind of frustrating, but other times he just wants you to sit at his special spot with him. He has a need for you to be with him during his quiet moments, the rare ones that everyone is always fixated on.

The rest of the crew didn't really mind, they thought it was kind of funny for the most part. Robin would always give a knowing look, Zoro was definitely the most frustrated by it, but even he thought the captains blatant infactuation was fun. It wasn't like you weren't helpful, you just enjoyed the privileges you got. You were a pirate too after all, none of them were gonna blame you for acting like one.

So you couldn't help but be a bit surprised when Luffy decided for you that you were sharing a room now. It didn't change much, but him moving your stuff for you was unsettling. From there, you never really had any time away from your captain. And even when you were around other people, he didn't like when you payed attention to them. He wasn't violent to the crew, he'd just be louder, overwhelm you with him until the other person left, or until you gave in and gave him the attention he wanted.

Then he started waking you up more. Everytime he woke up, he'd wake you too. He couldn't stand being away from you for too long. You weren't really yourself, but the crew just worked around it. Sanji would give you an extra coffee, an extra strong coffee. They stop making as many jokes about being the captains favorite.

It was a rare occasion for you to wake up while Luffy was still asleep. You found yourself staring at his sleeping form. He was quiet. You were overwhelmed. You were tired. You realized you desperately wanted to leave, and to escape anywhere else but here. It wasn't worth it anymore, living like this wasn't worth how tired you were. How uncomfortable you were. How you felt more like a pet at this point then a favorite person.

But you couldn't leave. The Thousand Sunny was god only knows where. Surrounded by water. You were isolated with this man. Your captain. And the crew who loved each other, but him specifically more then anything. This was your life now.

Luffy stirred, and your stomach dropped.

But then he just turned away from you. You couldn't see his face or the rise and fall of his chest. It was the first time you could remember being awake and looking at anything else. The moment got to you. You slipped out of the bed, out of the room, and left.

You really didn't know where you were going as you wondered the dark and quiet halls. It was nice being alone. It was so much more tolerable being alone. You knew to avoid the crows nest, the deck really in general was to be avoided. You didn't know who was standing watch tonight, and unless it was Robin they'd probably try and chat.

You realized you were still tired, while you walked around the empty ship. The quiet made it easy.

You hadn't even realized how much you had really missed the quiet.

But good things don't last long for you, and much too soon for your liking, you heard a panicked yell.

Luffy was awake.

You didn't want to give up your isolation yet, you couldn't bear the thought of it. So thinking quickly, before everyone was up and looking, you ducked into a storage room and cuddled into a ball under some shelves. You pulled a crate in front of it to hide you for good measure.

You're so tired.

As you drift off to sleep you fantasize about the shelves crushing you, and it brings you more hope then any thought you'd had in a long time.

When you wake up the noise is louder. It's down the hall. Luffy's right outside, and you can feel the worry and anger and fear radiating off of him from where you were hidden.

"We'll find them. Nobody new has come on the ship, and for sure nobodies left. They probably just woke up and wanted a snack or something, then they fell asleep."

It was Robin. She was talking slow and soothing, probably trying to calm the worried teenager down.

"Yeah? Well they should've woken me up." He says it with a tone that makes you wish you'd stayed in bed with him.

You felt like it'd be better for everyone involved if you had been kidnapped or were being held hostage. Then this wouldn't be your fault. Then someone else would have to take the worst of his anger.

But there was nobody else. Just you.

The doors kicked open.

You feel like the panics gonna make you throw up.

"There's too many places to hide in here."

Usually it'd sound whiny, but it doesn't right now.

"Do you think they're hiding?"

"I think they need to be found."

You're sure this is it. You're so sure that you're about to be found. The confrontation is moments away, and you are in now way prepared for it. You don't have a good excuse. You don't know what else to do, so you go limp and pretend you're asleep.

"There's only a few places really for someone their size to fit comfortably in here. Shelves or the closet."

"Alright, well then go look under the shelves."

He's much more demanding then you ever realized.

You keep pretending you're asleep, so you're not sure when Robin's eyes find you. But they do. Then, the crate is being moved. You expect to be ripped out, to be shaken awake, for more yelling. You them to immediately try and "wake" you.

But they don't. Instead a wave of hands gently moves you out from where you were, into the light. You cant help but move to cover your face slightly. It's so bright, and it's what you'd do if you were actually sleeping too, right?

They still don't move to wake you, so you suppose it's gotta be working somewhat.

Then Luffy picks you up, and you know that you should say goodbye to any independence you'd had for a long time.

He's more careful then you'd expect though. He seems like he's really trying not to wake you. He carries you for such a long time. Then he drops you on the bed. Cruelly, suddenly. If you'd actually been asleep he would've absolutely woken you now.

"I know you're awake (y/n). I know what you look like when you're sleeping." He's always blunt, you have to remind yourself. But not like this, and you know that.

You should cut your losses. You know you should. So you make a move to sit up, but you're shoved back down.

"If you're tired then sleep."

You are tired. You're so tired. Why shouldn't you? it's not like staying awake will somehow make this all better. You're the closest to alone you can possibly be in your sleep. If he wants to tempt you, then you'll take him up on it.

When you wake up you're uncomfortable. That's not new. You usually wake up suffocating. Luffy's usually got his arms wrapped tightly around you when you wake up.

But not today. Right now your alone in the bed, with an uncomfortabley tight collar around your neck. It's connected to a chain leash, that's currently keeping you tethered to the bed. You only have enough room to take a few steps away from either side of the bed, and could only really stand at the edge.

You slowly brought your hands to your neck, and were uncomfortable when you couldn't find any sort of clasp, other then where the leash was attatched.

The humiliating realization that Franky probably made this while you were sleeping dawns on you, and you have to choke back a sob. You can't even join the rest of the crew for your own emotional support. You just get to sit on the bed, waiting for Luffy to get back.

Which he does. He seems happy when he gets back, like nothing's happened. He smiles at you even.

"Hi (y/n)! I missed you. But everyone else said I should let you sleep a little longer- said it'd make things easier.",

Of course they did. You appreciated the little of the gesture you could, but still couldn't bring yourself to respond. Luffy didn't really seem to mind, he just kept talking.

"Don't really know what happened this morning, you can explain later after you've eaten. Don't worry about it though!" he leaned forward and yanked the leash.

"We've got a bunch of these all over the ship now! so if I don't have you, I'll know for exactly where you are! So if it's not gonna happen again, no reason to still be upset about it, right?"

he's smiling again, like what he's said makes any sense at all.

You should probably nod along. You can force your head up and down once, but all of your energy is gone. You might as well make peace with your new life, you realize. You're never gonna be able to get out of this.

[alittleprincehwa]

since childhood ──── ₊˚.𓂸 park seonghwa

pairing ─ ₊˚.𓂸 park seonghwa x gender neutral reader

genre ─ ₊˚.𓂸 angst, fluff

synopsis ─ ₊˚.𓂸 you never believed the saying " never fall for your best friend. " until now.

tags ─ ₊˚.𓂸 childhood best friend seonghwa |

words ─ ₊˚.𓂸 5k+

alexa play ─ ₊˚.𓂸 click here

You walk along the empty neighborhood. The same place you grew up in. Only the reminiscence of your youth remains intact. The lights were the only thing keeping it from complete darkness. Your feet kicked the small rocks and pebbles along your way. It was already midnight, but the caffeine you consumed early morning made you restless.

The wind rushing through you gave you shivers down your spine. Your different layers of clothing kept you from the cold of early winter. When you pass a rather familiar house, you let out a shaky breath that condensates through the chilly air. Despite your heavy clothing, you could still feel the cool winter. You recently arrived back at your hometown due to your school's yearly winter break. You couldn't pass up the opportunity.

You continued strolling through the quiet road. You often remember the pieces of childhood memory to your highschool years. You had many childhood friends since your mom was quite a social butterfly, so she insisted that you had to be friends with the neighbors.

You yourself were completely distinct from your mother. You were a shy child. You couldn't make much friends. Your worries got the best of you, making you distance yourself even further. Well that was until you met him. Park Seonghwa. Two houses away from yours. You first met him when you were playing on the community playground. There weren't much kids so it was perfect for you.

You saw a certain toy that appealed to you. You were too fascinated by the toy to see that another kid also had a plan to play with it. You ran and pick up the plaything. But before you could, another hand reached for it. You look to where the hand was from and saw a boy staring at it with sparkling eyes. He was too engulfed with the thought of the piece of plastic to play with to notice you. You could clearly remember what he wore. A plain white shirt accompanied with a pair of black pants. He had a bucket hat that fit his head perfectly.

When he did, he let out a sound that somehow embodied a growl. You were also a competitive child. You wanted to play with it, and you were definitely not letting a boy just take it. Your other hand reach out and pull the toy to your direction. The boy that was slightly taller than you, grabbed it aswell. It quickly escalated, you were both pulling for the thing and the idea of picking another one didn't seem to come to your mind.

After minutes of grunting and struggling, the other kid managed to get the toy out of your hands. What he didn't know was that he hit you on the head when he attempted to take the toy you desperately wanted. For a moment he was celebrating in victory. But paused when he heard a sniffle. You did what any child would do if they get hit, cry. Your cries going louder and louder as you felt the pain.

The boy stopped his victorious moment and looked at you. He himself didn't know what to do. He dropped the toy and scrambled to you. He teared up at seeing such a cute girl cry. He started to regret what he did. Soon his cries were mixed with yours. Both of your mother's heard the sobs of their children and rushed to help you. Your mother picked you up from the ground and checked your head. It turned out it wasn't that bad, you only needed to wear a patch on your forehead.

The other boy was even more sad than you. He felt bad for hitting you. He wanted to apologize but didn't know you. So instead, he asked his mom. He waddles to her side and nudges her leg. He begged his mom to take him to your place. His mom gave in and helped his crying son.

As your mom answered the door, you peak from the other room. You saw the same lad that whacked you awhile back. After a few exchange of words between the adults, your heard your mom call out to you. " Y/n-ah! The boy earlier came here to apologize! " She said. You pout as you walked like a penguin to the front door. You kept looking at the floor, too scared to look at him.

Your mom gestured you to wave at the fellow infront of you. You finally look up and wave at him. Your face brightened up when you saw him carrying a tub of ice cream and a poorly written apology card. You and your mom invited them in. You both settled in the living room couch. Eating the ice cream as he apologizes. " I'm sorry... I'm seonghwa by the way. Wanna be friends? " He reached out his hand as he flashed a smile You accepted the apology and shook his hand while a movie played in the back. And in that moment, you both clicked and became inseparable.

Highschool rolled around and you two were still glued together. Being caught doing the most stupid of things together. Eventually you started feeling weird around him. It was the little things he did that made him so attractive. The things you two would do together. He would walk you home everyday, not missing a single day. You two would get smoothies in a nearby convenience store, playing with the different flavors. The small things such as loosening the first few buttons of his school uniform. How he looked as he runs his hand through his hair.

You kept these weird feelings to yourself. You soon regret hiding them when he started dating. It was a sight to behold everytime he would sling his arm around another girl's waist or shoulder. You were lying if you said you weren't jealous. You supported him through his relationships that mostly didn't last long. You always comforted him during every breakup. He didn't know how envious you were inside.

He then also felt an unusual sensation in the pit of his stomach whenever you two would come in contact. It continued like that for a few weeks or so. The tension grew heavier in every moment you two would be in the same room. You couldn't speak without feeling hesitation. He couldn't touch you before his heart would beat faster. Anything the both of you did made the other fall in love even more.

It was the spring of your school year, school coming to an end soon. Most students joyful of taking a break. Others sad that they couldn't see their friends. You were one of the happy ones. Seonghwa was one of the only people you knew. Seonghwa mustered up all his courage and asked you out to watch a movie. You agreed to it as it reminded you of one of the first things you two did when you were little.

You blushed at the idea of being on a date with with seonghwa. You dressed yourself in the prettiest clothes you had and made sure you combed your hair well. You happily skip to the theater that wasn't too far away. To your surprise you saw seonghwa with another girl by his side. You were disappointed and upset. But were you surprised? No. You realized he invited you just so you could third wheel. A frown appears on your face the whole time.

You grew even more furious as a minute passes. You couldn't mute the sounds you could hear from beside you. Your blood boiled when you heard kissing sounds. You had to sit there for another hour and a half. You tried to endure the anger that was oozing out of you. You sat there beside the two. You focused your eyes on the big screen with glossy eyes.

The movie finally ended and you three, including his hook up of the week, and walk towards the exit. You fastened your pace, not wanting to be caught between them again. Seonghwa was too invested in the conversation he had to notice you were already ahead of the crowd. You storm out of the theater and walk down the sidewalk with a single tear escaping your eye.

Seonghwa said his goodbyes and jogged to meet up you. He was about to talk to you, but that was until he saw your face. He stopped, " Was the movie that sad? Why are you crying? " He asked. You scoffed at his question and continued pacing. He asked once more, hoping to get an answer this time. " Come on y/n tell me! " He urged you. You bit your tongue, trying not to explode on the spot.

You failed to stay quiet and finally say " I can't believe you had the audacity to invite me just to third wheel! " You ruffled your hair with your hand, massaging your scalp. " Third wheel? No you don't understand that was my fr- " You couldn't listen to his excuses anymore. You were fuming at this point. Steam almost came out your ears. " Bull shit! Do you think I'm deaf? I can actually hear you two making out beside me! " You yell.

You were glad nobody was there besides you and seonghwa. Nothing to be heard but your voice. Lustrous tears race down your skin. You couldn’t hold back anymore. You two stood inaudible rather than in tranquility. Not able to say anything due to the inking of peer pressure. With much silence, you finally spoke “ Don’t you get it? I like you seonghwa. “ You whisper. " I had to watch you everyday make out with a girl infront of me. But what did I do? I supported you. I just wanted you to be happy. ". You didn’t expect him to reply. You just wanted to get it off your chest. You felt relief, but pain was still lingering.

Just like when he was little, seonghwa was baffled. He didn’t know what to do. You turn your heel to lash out. But couldn’t when a hand caught your wrist. It was intuition that made him reach out for your hand. Speechless, the only thing he could do was look at you. Your eyes filled with hurt and betrayal. He couldn't help but withstand the guilt. " Why didn't you tell me...? " He let out with a low tone. You look down, avoiding his sharp gaze. Your driblets of tears meet the pavement under you. " What difference does it make? " You pushed him off you. You glance at him one more time before running.

He stepped back to avoid falling. You pace the opposite direction, back to your house. You wanted to scream at him, take out all your anger. But you couldn't find the courage to do so. You could only walk farther. The distance between you both widens. You didn't believe in the saying " Never fall for your best friend. " until now. You could hardly walk, too occupied in crying your heart out. Dreading everything that happened today.

For days, weeks, you hadn't spoken a single word to seonghwa. As childish as it sounds, you didn't want to see him. You endlessly cried. An indescribable feeling lingers in your heart. He didn't mean it right? You wished all your thoughts could disappear for a day. They wouldn't leave you alone, constantly reminding you of him. You thought avoiding him would bring you peace, it only ended in chaos. You couldn't get up, you barely ate, nothing gave you the motivation to continue on. Stuck in your bed, nothing but your thoughts accompanying you.

Your mother grew worried. She'd constantly check on you and ask you if you were okay. But all she got was silence. Today perhaps was different. Somehow, you grew tired of lazing on your bed and crying. You wanted to get some fresh air. You wanted to get over him. You didn't realize it was early morning. Three o'clock to be exact. You changed out of your clothes and into a pair of grey sweatpants and a black hoodie.

You quietly tiptoed your way out of the house, careful not to wake up your sleeping mother. You let out a sigh of relief once you close the front door. You take a step as you inhale the outside air you greatly missed. You place your hands in the sewn pocket of your worn hoodie. You walk down the quiet and still vicinity. You kept your eyes on the dull grey road.

You walk yourself to the playground. Since you knew the directions, it wasn't too hard. It was from when seonghwa would knock on your house and invite you to play. You halt once you finally arrive. The walk felt like forever, your thoughts distracting you. You hum a song along the way. You look up and see the familiar place. Just looking at the playground itself brings back many memories. Your dry lips form a small smile. You walk across the sandbox and near the swing set.

You silently sit on the swings, kicking the sand to push yourself. Soon enough, you started swinging slowly. You kept a slow pace. You sigh once more while you look around. Scanning your surroundings while the sound of trees swaying could be heard. Everything resembles him. Everywhere you look, you could see flashbacks. The slides, the seesaw, and the monkey bars.

You suddenly heard footsteps. You snap back to reality. Your hooded head darts to the sound. The swing you were on also halted, your hands gripping the chain harder. Upon locking eyes, your breath hitched when you saw the familiar eyes. Your lips parted, eyes glossy. ' What great timing! " You thought. It stayed like that for a minute. Neither of you believing the other was feet away. You felt terrible. The seconds of just staring at each other. But did you look away? No, you couldn't. You felt happy to see him, by part of you wished this wasn't happening.

The head of black hair, the usual clothes he wears. His tall slim figure. Semi broad shoulders- you knew too much about him.

His black orbs contrast with yours. He couldn't take his eyes off you. His eyes were glued to your figure. You were definitely not in the best state. Your puffy eyes, runny nose, red cheeks made it obvious. Your usual cheery smile was replaced by the opposite. Your staring continues for a minute. Guilt still filled seonghwa's heart, and the look on your face made it worse. It felt as though time slowed down.

He then walks towards you, his footsteps the only audible thing you could hear. The closer he got, your eyes looked elsewhere. The swing next to you move. Still, you avoided his eyes. The heavy tension was clearly present. It took a while before either of you spoke up. Each of you had too many emotions. The sound of metal creaking, mixed with the tension you both had.

" Don't you remember? " He quietly mutters. " When we were both just little kids. " He continues. You slightly smile, it felt as if it were yesterday. Oh, how you wished you could go back to that time. Where you didn't have to worry about anything. You were just happy with him.

You let out a chuckle, a dry one. You couldn't form any words. Nothing to say. Nothing came out of your mouth. Seonghwa took this as an opportunity. There have been things on his mind that he wished to bring up to you. But he couldn't just simply talk to you. Not after what he did. He was at loss, why was he so ignorant? Why didn't he pick up on the small signs you did, like tidying your self every time you see him, how your cheeks turn a shade of pink every time the two you were approximately close to one another, and how your eyes would turn dark whenever he touches another girl in front of you. It was the little things that were important. It was the little things he missed. He couldn't fathom how much he regrets it. He berated himself. What else could he do?

He turned his head to see you. He didn't expect to see a smile on your face. He could see the hurt in it. He could feel all the pain you had to endure. He couldn't take the amount of guilt he felt. He broke down. He buried his head in his slender hands. His arms rested on his lap. Tears spilled out. As he quietly sobs before you.

Your eyes widen when you look at him. You didn't expect him to be the one crying. Concern and pity took over you. Never once in your life did you see seonghwa crying. You get off the swing and walk to his side. You kneel in front of him. You extend your arms to his face. You place your petite hands against his large ones. You could feel the warmth you've been longing for the past weeks. Your thumbs graze over his knuckles. You observe how drops stained his hoodie. " I know what you did wasn't intentional... " You spoke, breaking the silence.

You push away his hands that were covering his face. His cheeks and nose were stained with his running tears. " Hey, it's alright, it's not your fault. " You push his bangs away. Then you got to see his eyes, his eyes a bit red, his plump lips parted. " Don't cry seonghwa, it's not that big of a de- " Before you could finish speaking, seonghwa engulfed you in his arms.

He lunged towards you, wrapping his arms against you as one holds your head. You were too shocked to do anything. You both felt the impact when you fell in the sandbox. You didn't know what to do with your arms. " I'm sorry y/n. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so fucking sorry. " He cried against your covered chest. You grip the sleeves of his hoodie as you felt yourself tear up as well. Your bottled up feelings were too much. The bottle was too small. You inhale before close your eyes to feel your tears run down.

" I'm sorry. For catching feelings... " You sob. You were both crying at this point. With nobody around. Nothing to be heard but your cries. You ruffle his hair while you felt your jawline being stained with tears. Your clothing was starting to stain from the tears of the male before you. " Why am I so stupid y/n...? " His voice deep.

You lift his head. Caressing his cheek, you say " It's my fault for falling for you. ". You pull his face towards yours. Crashing your lips on his. Temptation got the best of you. Seonghwa's eyes went wide. Seonghwa didn't think twice before kissing you back. Butterflies appeared in both your stomach. This wasn't anything you two ever encountered. This didn't feel the same when he kissed other girls. Your lips moved in sync, rubbing against one another. His hands trail up and grip your waist.

From an outsider's perspective, it was just a bunch of adolescents having their first kiss. But for you and seonghwa, you didn't care. You wanted nothing but him. Him and him only.

You pull away for a breath before going back in. Each other's tongue moves against the others. The kiss was soft and passionate. It felt like your lips we're made to fit his. Coincidentally, you two open your eyes at the same time. You deeply looked into his. His look had a hold of you. Your eyes made him weak. You both pull away. Breathing heavily. You quickly hug him, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. He sits himself and you up. Careful to you. Treating you like glass.

This was the most endearing part for seonghwa. He had no choice but to tell you. He took a sigh before speaking. " Y/n-ah... ". You hum in response. You were curious about what he had to say. Anxiety slowly eating you up. Was the kiss bad? Were you a bad kisser? But what he said shocked you. Left you speechless. You hadn't expected this.

" I'm going to Seoul. " He says.

You furrow your brows in confusion. " Wh-why? Seoul? What will you do there? " You look at him, puzzled. He took your hand in his before speaking again. " I passed y/n. I made the audition. " He said. Then it hit you. The audition. The one he took a month ago. He always dreamed of being an idol. From middle school, he'd endlessly talk to you about all the idols he listened to. You had to witness him singing. You completely forgot about it. " O-oh. " You replied. He saw your expression change. You look down. Not sure how you should respond.

" Well...congrats! " You look up and beam. You put on a smile. You were happy for him. But not entirely. Just when you were ready to forgive him. It felt like a pang. You were holding in more tears. You were happy he couldn't see through you this time. " I'm gonna miss you so much. " You hug him tighter. He takes in your scent. He takes note of how your trembling. Shaking because of the cold wind. But also because you were scared. Scared of losing him. Your one and only friend. The one you've been with since childhood. You knew you had to let go of him. But it's easier said than done. Will the distance worsen your relationship with him?

He pulls back and takes off his jacket. Revealing a white shirt underneath. He puts the warm clothing over your head and arms. You gleam inside at the scent of him. He takes you in his embrace once more. Inside his arms, you felt so comfortable. With him is where you belong. The sand particles getting in your hair. You knew you couldn't do anything and decided to cherish this moment.

And so the day arrived. The day where you had to bid goodbye to seonghwa. The ride to the airport was worse than you anticipated. You two looked comfortable, but there was definitely a bit of uncertainty. Specifically, because of the unspoken kiss, you two had shared. You and seonghwa pretended as if it never happened. Your parents drove you both. The long ride making you drowsy. You had a long way to go and your eyes were getting droopy. You had no clue you were leaning on his shoulder. By the time he realizes, you were already in deep slumber.

Seonghwa glanced at you, only to notice you were quietly snoozing. He tucked away a strand of hair behind your ear. He feels blood surge to his cheeks. And his mom seemed to notice. " Seonghwa? Are you alright? You seem red. " She asks, concerned. " N-no I'm fine! " He smiles. He instantly looks away and stares out the car window.

He secretly took glances of you throughout the entire car ride. Observing your perfect features. He knew he would greatly miss you. He'd wake up starting tomorrow knowing you're nowhere near him. He couldn't just walk up to your house again. He was gonna be alone.

You jolt awake when you felt the car stop. Your eyes were still half-closed. You look to your side and see seonghwa gathering his things. He turns to you to wake you up. But you already did that yourself. He smiles when he sees your awakened self. He extends his arm and fixes your messy hair. After that, you both just look at each other. This bittersweet moment all to yourselves. He continued caressing your hair. " I'm gonna miss you y/n. " He pouts. " Not as much as I will " You laugh. He smiles, at least you laughed before he left. He pulls you to a hug. He sneaked in a kiss on the cheek while doing so.

When you two parted ways, it wasn't a happy moment. Sure you wanted him to achieve his dreams, but part of you didn't want him to go. But all you could do was smile and wave. And so your feelings continued to latch on. You often thought about him. If his life was better there, did he find friends? For the first few months, you two often talked. But as more days progressed you and seonghwa grew busier. No time for one another. You two hadn't contacted each other in months. You could catch yourself frequently thinking if he ever forgot about you.

Five long years passed. Every day you waited for a call, at least a text. It continued like that for months. You were still hoping. Hoping he'd contact you once. That hope eventually died out. You figured he was too occupied to even talk to you. You'd be lying if you said you weren't sad.

Now it's the present.

You continued walking. Breath shaky due to the temperature. Your boots made a sound that echoes through the street. Your hometown brought back many memories. Both happy and sad. You had nothing to do, so walking around seemed to be your only option. Your surroundings were dark, but it didn't scare you.

You settled down by a nearby bench. The trees swayed with one another. You took a deep breath, your hand slips through your pockets, and grip your earphones. You connect the wire to your phone, playing your recently made playlist. The shuffle landed on a song you quite loved. You hum to the beat of the song, tucking away a thread of hair the same way he did. He may have not known, but you were awake the whole time. Trying to fall asleep but couldn't.

You chuckle at the faint memory. It may be years later but you still could recall it. Despite your best attempts of forgetting it, it popped up at the most random of times. Why Park Seonghwa? When can you stop haunting me?

You sigh and thought of something else. You didn't notice a figure moving until you felt your right earphone being pulled. Your reflexes acted up and threw a punch to whoever grabbed it. You wanted to scream, but before you could you heard a groan. You looked down and saw a coated boy with dyes hair, holding his cheek from the impact. The adrenaline wears out. You panic, you just punched someone. " Oh my god, I am so- seonghwa?! " Your eyes wide the moment he turned his head to you. He faintly smiled back, still recovering from your assault.

" What are you doing here...? You raise both your brows. " Nothing much...just wondering around. " He admits. You stood up, brushing off the dust on your jacket. " Aren't you supposed to be in Seoul? " You asked with a hint of bitterness. You roll your eyes. Seonghwa too stood up. You wanted to walk away but he ended up walking with you. " What's wrong with visiting my hometown? " He shrugged. How could he just talk to you casually after years? " It's been five years seonghwa. " You stop in your tracks and look at him. His expression quickly shifted from joyful to shameful.

" You can't just waltz back to my life and pretend that you didn't talk to me for five whole years! " You spoke. " L-look I- " You interrupted him. " And I'm not done! Yes, I get that your busy but you couldn't at least text me once? Can you imagine what I felt? I stared at my phone endlessly waiting for a text from you! " You pause, taking a deep breath. " It's late. You should get going. " You mumble. " No, listen to me. " His fingers clutch your wrist. You had no option but to listen to him. So you stood there, both ears open.

" I was also waiting. At one point I thought you got over me. I thought you found someone else... " He explains. You took a few seconds to process it. " Tch. " You grinned. Then unexpectedly you pulled the tall male into a hug. " You know I would never forget about you right? " He mumbles against his chest. He smirks just before snuggling you back. " God I missed you so much " He places a kiss on the top of your head. You felt yourself blush. When did he become so flirty? What did Seoul do to him?

" I missed you too... " You shyly say. You only hug him tighter, finding consolation in his warmth. All of a sudden you felt one of his fingers lift your chin up. You felt the world around you stop as he leaned in slowly. You didn't get a chance to pull back. But the thing is, you didn't want to. You stood still, waiting for when your lips would meet his. You both close your eyes when you felt each other's lips. He backed you up. Eventually, your back met the wall. You were trapped in between him and the wall behind you. This felt like what happened years ago. Your breathing steady as the kiss progressed. Over the years he too developed feelings for you. And your feelings for him never went away. The entire time you two shared the kiss, he was sweet and gentle with you. " You don't know how much I missed you " He seductively said before pulling you into another kiss.

You felt his tongue lick your bottom lip, conceivably asking for permission. You did as so and gave him entrance. It hastily escalated from a sincere kiss to a makeout session. You pull back, somewhat worried. " Seonghwa we can't do this here! We'll get caught! " You whisper-yelled. He wipes off the smudged lip balm with his thumb. He grins before stepping back. He laces his fingers with yours. He pulls you by his side, sauntering with him towards the path of your house. Your small figure beside his was an adorable contrast.

" Does this mean we're official...? " You ask, slightly embarrassed. You both continued walking. " Of course, love. " He leans down to peck you on the lips, " I've loved you since childhood. ".

[freetobeafcknriot]

Number 10 with oinoya because I'm cruel?

I went all out and… did a thing? Anyway, I hope you like it nonnie! I’m not really good with angst so I’m not 100% confident with this, so, huh, let me know please ;;

10. things you said that made me feel like shit.

PSA: boku no hero academia!au ; alternatively, if you don’t know the manga/anime, heroes!au.

Oikawa’s Quirk guidelines: here || Noya’s Quirk guidelines: here.

𝑫 𝑬 𝑨 𝑭 𝑬  𝑵 𝑬 𝑫

It happens fast. Too fast for anyone to fully realize it, but to him? To Oikawa time is relative, and though it should be counted as luck he didn’t miss a second of it. Smoke spreading across the sky in black clouds and soaking the air, the main building falling apart, fire-fighters and Pro Heroes trying to ensure every civilian to safety.

 And the screaming. Oikawa will never forget it, and how it gets deafened in a fraction of momentum by a single swift or air and a flash of bright light, flying — no, running — mere centimetres from his ear. Silently, just like he always is, but Oikawa doesn’t miss the goosebumps, can’t fail to recognize Nishinoya even when he just feels him. And so he turns around out of reflex and follows the lightning going upwards, eyes wide open.

 Gravity does nothing to Nishinoya when his body is discomposed in electrons and raw energy, but it certainly does when he shifts back into flesh and bone — which he does; midair. There’s something falling that Oikawa didn’t notice ( to which he winces because it’s a person; idiot, idiot, damned idiot! ) and the lightning just stops in time to turn into a petite boy in a shock of sparkles. He’s waiting with open arms — a quickly unfolded insulating blanket in his hand — and Oikawa feels his blood run cold and his hands shake when the young girl collides into Nishinoya’s covered arms.

 It happens so fast nobody notices until it’s too late. But time runs through Oikawa’s veins like a river, it’s the only ace up his sleeve he’s got, and he needs it now. Even if he feels paralysed, he can’t miss — Don’t blink, he tells himself, or it’s not gonna work!

 Luminescent emerald fills his eyes and tickles his fingertips. He aims, stares and holds his breath. He only releases it when Nishinoya’s body stops ten centimetres to the ground.

 _______________________________________________________________

 When the time comes and students get into internships at Pro Heroes’ agencies to know what the real career is like, that’s when the whole thing — saving people, fighting villains and criminals — becomes less idealistic and more of a reality. And reality, Oikawa reckons, is gruesome and tough and scary. It doesn’t matter how powerful your Quirk is or how talented you are; you must have the strength of heart to put your life on the line out of selflessness and instincts.

 Oikawa Tooru’s Quirk is not particularly flashy. Despite how powerful of a hero in training he is the truth is, he’s worked his ass off to nurture his power and make it bloom the way it did. Messing with timelines, being able to make them go forward, backwards, slow down or stop altogether — it sounds cool, doesn’t it? He only needs to keep his eyes on the target; a twirl of his fingers, even just the a hand, be it clockwise or otherwise. It looks effortless and pretty, but it actually takes control and concentration, and just like any other Quirk it has its drawbacks. Still, he manages better than others do.

 "Because you’re pretty cool, Oika-san! Keep it up!“ — normally, he would look down to a statement like this, especially if said by someone like Nishinoya, whose Quirk is as striking and rowdy as ever by mere nature. But the thing is, he couldn’t even if he tried. And he did try.

 He remembers meeting that tiny boy way before high school, once, and then he sees him again during the Sports Festival. Up against each other. Oikawa though it would be easy, "As long as I can see you”, he said. But it wasn’t.

 "Most people are usually too slow and they freak out because they don’t want to get hurt. But you? You’re good! Let’s fight again sometime!“

 It is not easy to catch a glimpse of lightning in broad daylight, as infuriating as it is to admit it. So it’s a wonder — or maybe the dread and adrenaline he felt — that Oikawa manages this time.

  _______________________________________________________________

 The girl Nishinoya saved turns out to be another young hero in training with a flying Quirk who got affected by all the smoke and gasses. Oikawa sits with a half-melted ice pack on his knee and watches from afar as she hands Nishinoya the insulating blanket and thanks him with teary eyes, obviously in shock.

 Nishinoya is flustered, Oikawa can tell from his posture, but laughs and says out loud that he will catch her and anyone who is in need as many times as he has to. With so much confidence for someone who was about to fucking die that it makes Oikawa grimace.

 A paramedic offers him a bottle of water and asks him about is breathing. Oikawa gets distracted thanking her with a smile that doesn’t really reach his eyes, but he doesn’t miss another person approaching them. And when she leaves and he lets that fake smile slip off his lips, Nishinoya is there in front of him.

 "Yuu-chan,” Oikawa exhales. “How nice to see you.”

 "Hey,“ Nishinoya looks sheepish, which is rather odd for him but really, for all Oikawa cares, he should be ashamed. Instead, he looks at him and has the audacity to say: "You were great back there, I owe you”.

 "You… owe me, you say?“ It comes out like a whisper, as cold as snow.

 Oikawa can’t help but feel his blood boil, even though it’s freezing and his heart is beating so fast in his ribcage that it’s painful. He can’t even focus on Nishinoya’s lively sable eyes; all he can see is a speckle of lightning passing him by and turning into flesh and bone and then falling to the ground. What he’s feeling, he realized, is fear. If I had blinked… and missed him… he’s always so fast… that was… "Stupid,” he spits.

 Nishinoya’s eyes widen, he barely flinches. He knows, he’s trembling too, if even a little bit. He says it’s his electric charge settling itself to normal, but Oikawa knows that deep down it’s not. Not completely.

 "…I know, I'm—"

 "Don’t say you’re sorry,“ Nishinoya feels a pang of guilt, hearing the ever so slight crack in Oikawa’s velvety voice. "I know you wouldn’t mean a word.”

 "I wasn’t gonna say it!“ It comes off harsher than Nishinoya had intended. He frowns, something in him stirs; it’s the awareness of the fact that he is not sorry indeed. Not at all.

 "Of course you weren’t,” Oikawa gets up slowly, shaking dust off his costume.

 "What’s that supposed to mean? Hey,“ The younger boy reaches out before Oikawa can actually turn on his heels and leave. Nishinoya knows that he probably just wants to retrieve and be on his own for a while, but the thing is, he doesn’t want to let Oikawa walk away like this. He can’t. "Speak up, Tooru. I’m not a psychic, I need you to talk to me!”

 "I was this close, Yuu-chan.“ Oikawa can feel the heat and electricity radiating off Nishinoya’s skin, warm and vibrant, and though he finds it comforting, he refuses to touch him and get stung just for the sake of feeling how alive he is. Because right now, it would remind him how much of a close call that was. "What if I blinked?” he asks out loud.

 "What if,“ His voice hardens not to quiver. "I didn’t see you and couldn’t catch you?”

 "But you did", Nishinoya replies. “I knew you would, I knew you were there and I trusted, no, I trust you to catch me!”

 "Well, that makes you even more of an idiot,“ Nishinoya stiffens at that. "I won’t be right behind you forever. How can you be so stupid? Just because we go on dates and kiss?”

 "It doesn’t mean jack shit that we’re together!“ The younger boy shouts, fists closed and eyes shut. His words echo through the air and ring in Oikawa’s ears with force and raw sentiment. "I… I didn’t think, okay? I didn’t, there was no time! And even if you had missed, the girl would have been fine. I’m supposed to be a hero, that’s what we do!”

 "You pretentious little…“

 "Oi!”

 "I can see you shaking and it’s pissing me off. So, so much! Is it because you realize that you could have died of because you could have electrocuted the girl to death?!“

 "That’s what the designed insulation equipment is for, she’s fine! What is it, really? Did I scare you?”

 "What do you think?! Am I supposed to praise you? Tell you you’re brave?“

 "You’re supposed to stop yelling at me for starters!”

 People nearby are starting to give them odd looks; if they weren’t so invested in their argument, they would have noticed a couple of their fellow mates debating on whether or not come in between them. Nishinoya doesn’t care about none of them. He never does, and he knows that’s what is buggering Oikawa: his stubbornness.

 "I’m not gonna apologize, Tooru,“ There’s a voice in the back of his mind that tells him to just quit it and apologize for being so reckless, but for some reason he can’t. Oikawa should know that, they’re not dissimilar when it comes to be heroes. "I don’t regret what I did. You of all people should know, you would have done the same thing!”

 "I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU LIKE THIS, MORON!“

Oikawa tugs harshly at the front Nishinoya’s collar, and the latter feels his heart skip a beat, stop for a moment and hurt like a bitch as he watches with wide eyes and tense shoulders Oikawa’s cinnamon brown eyes fill with angry tears. So much that it steals his breath away.

He tries to speak, his mouth opens and his voices comes out in hesitant whispers for the first time in forever. Memories of the past hour are flooding his mind, Oikawa’s hands tremble and Nishinoya really, really wants to say it to him instead of giving him a choked sob and a push a reply like he does.

"I’m not a moron, you’re a moron!” he cries out.

And just like that, Nishinoya pulls Oikawa down to his level and throws his arms around his shoulders even if given their height difference it would be more comfortable the other way around. He hugs him tight, so much it hurts both of them. But it’s okay, Oikawa is kind of hurting him as well, letting out meaningless insults against his neck.

You’re a moron, and I’m sorry for hurting you.

[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence: Atonement, chapter 5

Ansem always had a penchant for strays, so it's not at all surprising when he takes in the orphaned child Ienzo. The boy's presence changes everything, far more than Even is willing to admit. Ienzo's brilliance seems promising, but the arrival of a young Xehanort pushes the apprentices onto a dark, cruel, inhumane path which will affect the future of the World. And even once it's all over with--once Xehanort is dead--they still must pick up the pieces, forgive one another, find a way to atone for their atrocities, and struggle to accept the humanity which has been thrust upon them.

Or: Even's journey from BBS through post-KH3

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

“How is he? Has he yet stabilized?” He recognizes the deep voice almost instantly. Lexeaus. Ah. So I lived.

He can’t open his eyes, can’t, in fact, move at all. But the moment he’s conscious pain invades, his innards feeling vaguely liquified.

A second voice, hoarse, almost inaudible--”No. Not yet.”

“You needn’t speak, Ienzo. I know it’s still painful.”

Ienzo?

“I’m fine,” the second voice mumbles. He doesn’t sound fine; he sounds very ill, or worse. “You should--” A cough, one not full of phlegm but inflammation.

“You’ve been taking good care of me. I’m back on my feet. You, on the other hand, need to rest. And to avoid talking for a little while.”

“Okay.”

A warm hand grasps his wrist, taking his pulse. A pen scribbles numbers. He must've been given painkillers; he sleeps.

This time he's able to open his eyes.

He recognizes the space instantly; it's his old med bay, in Radiant Garden. Why on earth is he here, not in his sterile, pristine facilities at the castle?

Lexeaus had called Zexion Ienzo.

Oh dear.

Was it possible? Had they--regained hearts somehow? Had they found the answers in Kingdom Hearts? And how was he still so injured if it's been that long?

He hears the door creak and slits open his eyes.

He sees the boy--the young man--rummaging in his cabinets. He looks much the same as he ever did, though, he notes, the boy (Ienzo?) Is dressed in white, apprentice garb. The boy turns and Vexen quickly shuts his eyes again.

The boy clears his throat. "I'm not sure if you can hear me," he says, haltingly. His voice is much clearer, and certainly the same timbre as Zexion's, but it carries something soft and alive in it Vexen's never heard. "Even… it's me, Ienzo. I'm sure the old names are a shock to hear."

Old?

"We're human again. We found out… once a person’s Heartless and Nobody have been vanquished, they reform in the place they were split, whole. But with our Nobody's injuries. Which is why you're so hurt. I… I've no idea what truly happened to you, but you're rather unstable. You and Dilan both. But I'm tending to you."

Human?

"If you could speak… open your eyes… twitch your fingers… the EEG machines are broken and I've no magic. I'm not even sure you're in there."

Human and powerless.

"I--" He exhales thickly, and Even (the name fits again like a glove) realizes he's upset. Twelve years of emotion battering him, he presumes, child to adult in one instant. The concern wells up in him, consumes him; the pain sears him, and he's no idea whether or not it's physical.

---

Again, Even wakes. He can feel motion returning to him bit by bit, and he can close his fingers into weak fists. The physical pain is less potent now, but instead one thing floods him, sickly and constant.

Guilt. Rivers of shame, streams of remorse. Guilt for the way he stopped caring about Ienzo, guilt for all he did to the people of their experiments, agony about Ansem. Darkness can only excuse so much.

"Hi, Even."

Ienzo's back. Even can't bear to speak to him, though he's sure he can. He feigns unconsciousness, slitting his eyes open for glances of the young man.

Ienzo looks pale, thin, the boyishness gone from his face, but the change makes him look unhealthy. His hands, when they feel Even's pulse, are clammy, oddly warm without gloves. Even can't remember the last time he's actually seen them. He's aching to look the boy in the eyes. He chances it, once, while Ienzo fusses with the bandages on his chest; gone are Zexion's steely, empty blue eyes. The humanity is back, soft, opening.

He can tell from a glance that Ienzo is in agony.

More horrifying yet, he can just see below Ienzo's collar when he leans over--thick bruises surround his windpipe, along with an angry red scar.

He'd had difficulty speaking.

Who dared do this to him?

Unconsciously, the boy pulls his collar up. Even forces his eyes shut. "I'm afraid there's a lot to catch you up on," Ienzo says in that same frighteningly gentle tone. He explains about Xehanort, about the time travel, about the vessels, the hearts the Nobodies are regrowing, the Organization's real goal, the Keyblade War from the old times. "I… I could really use your help, Even. I know I was so dreadfully cold to you. I… I am sorry. You were always kind to me when I was small. You were there when Master Ansem was not--" His voice catches. "Excuse me, I am feeling unwell."

Even hears him sit and chances another look. Ienzo sits with his head in his hands, rocking slowly, trying not to cry.

No, boy, cry. It's alright.

"I… forgot how much this hurts," he says, with a dark laugh. "I am… so unsure of who I am… you'd doubtless find it fascinating. Can you imagine the psychological journals, Even? What happens when you try to give a twenty-year-old man an eight-year-old's heart?" A sob. "I'm so sorry. I… am trying to pull myself together. They need me. But I could never let them see me like this."

Cry it out, little one.

For a time, Ienzo does just that, a sound that makes Even's heart (heart) ache, triggering another vein of remorse.

I should have protected you.

"I'm sorry," he repeats. Even shuts his eyes again. He feels Ienzo take his hand. "This is most unbecoming, isn't it? I bet you'd say I'm making a disgrace of myself. I have to… check on some things. Get some rest."

For a long while Even lies reeling. His physical pain lessens  into a throb, while his heart seems to grow heavier and heavier with regret, the I should'ves and that's my faults. Ienzo and Ansem take center stage, his abuse and dishonesty towards them pounding in time with his heart.

Ienzo comes and goes every few hours. Even is too much of a coward to talk to him.

"It's… bizarre," the boy says. "Your body… is healed. Why aren't you awake?" Even hears a click, sees bright light; he wills himself to flinch as little as possible as the boy forces his eyes open. "Even, if you're pretending, it's alright. We can work through this."

Don't move. Don't move.

"If only we had a replica for you… or one in general…"

Why do they need one?

"I miss my old friend. Come back soon."

He's gone again, and Even aches for him. The loneliness is nearly as potent as the guilt.

He can't lie like this forever. He needs to make a decision, needs to talk to the boy, needs to begin to figure out where to go from here--

"You're so full of shit."

It's the voice that startles him. Braig. Of course the man is back too. He opens his eyes. Unlike Ienzo, he's in the Organization coat still.

The true vessels.

The fool.

Even stares at him. "Is there a reason you're here?" His voice is hoarse from disuse, but clearer than he thought. "Perhaps to put an old man out of his misery?"

Braig smirks. "You wish," he says. "I've been watching these tender scenes play out between the two of you. Who thought Ienzo would be such a softie? To think, he was wanted."

"By Xehanort, I presume?" He spits.

"Who else?" Xigbar shrugs. “He's good. So quickly. A heart and instantly everything changes. But there's no point getting rid of him. Xemnas is sentimental. Who would’ve thought?"

So callous. Even scowls.

"How's humanity feel?" he asks, with a smirk. "You look like death. Bet you feel like it too."

"Is there a reason you're here?" he repeats.

"Let's just say I have a proposition for you." He scowls a little. "We could use you. He could use you."

A spark, an idea. "Why should I? What do you have to offer me?"

"We're closer than ever to Kingdom Hearts. If that doesn't intrigue you, I don't know what will." Xigbar comes closer, his footsteps almost silent. "Would you rather stay here? Crappy place, overworked and underappreciated… reminders of the past everywhere. Doesn't it just hurt. "

He has to restrain himself from rolling his eyes.

"If you can barely look at Ienzo…" He clucks his tongue. "Why don't you think about it? I got the impression you never liked humanity anyway."

"Nor you," Even says softly. "This life just doesn't suit creatures like us."

Xigbar smirks and disappears into a dark corridor.

---

An idea comes to him slowly, fettered by guilt and headaches, and Ienzo's surprisingly loose tongue. Zexion was verbose but careful; Ienzo talks almost constantly, with little ability to stop himself.

"I'm… almost at my wit's end," the boy admits. "I'm inundated by what we did… I knew it, factually, but Zexion made my memories so cold. To feel it…" He rumples the curtain at the window. Even's glad he doesn't look at him; it means he can watch him. "How could we? I… I don't understand how we made the leap. Was it all the influence of Xehanort, or darkness? Why did they let me--do this?"

The weight of it might just choke him. They'd started this darkness, made it spread faster than it would've naturally; they upended a balance just to see what would happen, with little care who or what was lost.

I took an oath.

Even's a bloody hypocrite.

"I've been trying to help them," Ienzo says. "Sora, the restoration committee. They've been so terribly gracious about it. It truly is the least I can do. I've given them everything that I had, but you classified and encrypted so much. They have a right to know what really happened. Maybe if they know… their outside perspective can help us put a stop to it. I… wish you were here, Even. There's so much you never told me, things that could be of use. We… need a light. I don't understand a whit of your research, the small bits I've managed to decrypt. I wonder if this reformation process has given me some form of brain damage." A wry laugh. "These emotions do make me feel… much clumsier. Doesn't help I've been using you as a captive audience. But the others… truly cannot understand what it is I'm going through. I wish I were able to find it fascinating. Mostly it is hampering my ability to be of use."

He's silent a long time. When he speaks again, it's much more quietly, to himself. But Even's always had good hearing.

"If I can break the code… find Roxas… it could change everything. But the bodies… I need to know what Even knew."

He hears Ienzo leave. Slowly, Even sits up. He feels weak from being so still for so long, but otherwise functional.

It all makes sense. Everything.

Yes. This would be how he can atone.

---

Xigbar returns soon after. Even's already sitting waiting for him. "I'll go," he says tiredly. "Seems to be the only way to further my research. I've no need for such... paltry emotions."

Xigbar's grin is killer.

---

The transformative process is just as painful the second time. Again the emptiness. He feels his mind wander, tempted again by darkness, by the ability to set bonds aside, but he reigns himself in each time. Thinking of Ienzo, his devastation, of his betrayal of Ansem's trust. He doesn't feel quite hurt anymore, but it weighs heavily on his conscience. No matter.

He can fix this. He will fix this. No matter the cost.

He acquiesces to the New Organization’s demands, because they, too, need replicas. All the more excuse to perfect what he knows, to leave the most flawless in stock for Roxas and for Xion--though he can barely remember the latter. All he has of it-- her --are his own reports. But if she were with Roxas long enough, she’ll be important. More convenient yet, Xemnas wants her, her easy mimicry of power.

There are too many familiar faces in this New Organization--Organization Rehash, Larxene calls it, and Vexen can’t help but agree. Xigbar, Saïx, Xemnas, the four neophytes.

Saïx is initially welcoming to him, and visits him again.

“To what do I owe the pleasure,” Vexen says evenly.

“I wonder if you feel it too,” the man says.

“Feel what, nostalgia? That’s all this Organization is.”

“You gave up your new life. That says a lot about you. Was this truly about research?”

Vexen turns, sorting the lies he could tell.

Saïx knots his hands. “I gave mine up too.”

Vexen rolls his eyes, turning back to the new replicas, still forming in their chambers. “Yes. And?”

“I wish to… put an end to this nonsense. I sense you may feel the same.”

Vexen looks at him, his gold eyes (so like Vexen’s own, now--he tries not to think about it more than necessary) somewhat unreadable. Is this a trick? Are they trying to lure him out?

Saïx leans in a little, drops his voice. “Let me help you,” he says softly. “Together, we can put an end to this Organization.”

Vexen feels the gut punch; caught. Yet, he reads earnestness in Saïx’s tone.

“You were once my teacher,” he continues. “I know what you’re capable of, and vice versa. I think--if we’re careful and clever--we can give the other side what they need.”

“How am I to know you won’t merely turn me in to Xehanort?”

“It matters not to him whether you fill out the ranks so long as he gets his bodies. Not since you and Demyx have been… ah… retired. He’s spread himself too thin, shattering his heart so. He wouldn’t notice a thing.”

Vexen inhales.

“I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want this to be my legacy. I’m sure you feel the same. We must end this suffering.”

“And how do you propose we do that?”

Saïx smiles. “Simple,” he says. “We do what he asks--and have a third party ferry a replica over to Radiant Garden. One whose movements are hardly ever noticed--because that’s the way he likes it.”

Vexen has an idea where this is going. “...Do I even want to know who you have in mind?”

The smile becomes even larger.

---

Demyx agrees to meet him in Radiant Garden. To be so close to Ienzo but unable to contact him is a sensation that sits oddly in his breast. Vexen explains it as simply as possible, but Demyx’s reaction is relatively theatrical.

“What? ” He’s making much too much noise--Vexen clamps a hand over his mouth.

“Quiet, you dunce,” he hisses.

Demyx swats his hand away. “But dude, why would you pick me?”

“I cannot let the chosen catch wind of this, understand?”

Immediately he gets defensive. “Oh, I see, it’s because I got benched.”

This is more frustrating than he could have hoped. His tone is much shorter, and louder, than he intended. “I got “benched” too.”

“What! Hey, quiet.” Now it’s Demyx’s turn to try to silence him.

They both look around and see nothing, though admittedly this is meaningless. Vexen turns away, trying to think.

“Okay, man, look. Real talk? Backstabbing those guys would be stupid.”

Vexen rolls his eyes. As if this life is truly worth anything.

“If they find out, we’re yesterday’s toast. I mean, what’s in it for me?”

Vexen wonders if this angle is the right one. “Forgiveness.”

He seems genuinely surprised. “Huh? For what?”

“Men like us--in the pursuit of science, we sometimes make terrible mistakes. Lose sight of our mission to help people. But now I can help someone with my research. Now, I can atone.”

The boy’s been listening with interest, a calculating gleam in his eyes. But what he says next is only further disappointment. “I’m not a scientist.” He turns to leave, with a dismissive wave.

Something very like panic overtakes him--if the chosen heard of this--”Wait, wait, wait!” He grabs Demyx’s shoulder. The younger man shrugs him off with ease.

“C’mon, dude. I’m useless, I’m chicken, we’re not friends. I can count the amount of times we’ve hung out on one hand--less than one hand. I didn’t even know you in the old life!”

Enough of this. For a moment, Vexen wishes he had more patience with Demyx in the past, if only to make this encounter easier. “Fine, fine. But listen.” He pulls the boy close. “This is Saïx’s doing.”

Demyx’s eyes widen almost comically. “Huh? No way.”

Good. He has his interest. “It’s true. The whole thing was his idea.”

“Huh… no fucking way…”

“He wants to atone too. But, he is one of the chosen, so his hands are tied. Hence my actions on his behalf, hence my need for you to act on my behalf should all go awry.” He’s listening intently, Vexen notes. He could use Xehanort’s callousness towards Demyx to his advantage. “As you said, we are far from friends. No one would ever suspect you.”

“So I’m not doing any fighting?”

“Correct. And more importantly, no benchwarming.”

He smiles, and Vexen knows he’s won. “Yeah baby! Sign me up! Yes! Demyx time.”

Vexen sighs heavily. This certainly would be interesting.

---

He’s more than a little alarmed when he catches wind that the “chosen” are seeking Ansem. Apparently, the man’s been spotted in Twilight Town. Xehanort’s Heartless intends on intercepting him. The man is too dangerous.

Vexen doesn’t hesitate. He’s abandoned Ansem once; never again.

He’s been mostly ambivalent to his status as a Nobody, but it does grant him a certain strength he didn’t have before. He’s able to stop Xehanort’s Heartless, to let Ansem escape. It comes to him, in a flash--the chosen hardly ever watch him, now that they’ve gotten their bodies--perhaps he could let Ansem know, to get the word back to Ienzo and the others. Perhaps he and Demyx could rendezvous, with the replica. Ienzo would need his help. Doubtless the reunion would be… dramatic, but he knows the boy is capable of completing the task at hand.

It’s time to shore up. Time to stop being a coward. Time to apologize.

But he is glad that, as a Nobody, he cannot feel much.

Ansem looks as though he’s aged much, much more than twelve years, despite the fact that he could not age in the realm of darkness; it seems as though there are many more years between them than merely five. He’s with some teenagers, those friends of Roxas, those assisting, albeit in a very tertiary manner.

Even struggles to find the words, to assuage them all he means no ill will. “My dear Master,” he says slowly. “You are safe.” It’s a lame, tone-deaf beginning. Because they are anything but.

“Who’s there?” one of the teenagers yells.

In a shockingly even-keeled voice, Ansem asks, “Even, is that you?” A beat. His expression barely changes, all coldness and indifference--not that Vexen anticipated anything more. “So, those Nobodies were your doing.”

Vexen lets the Dusks appear. Then, very deliberately, he bows. “I have been waiting for this,” he admits. “Gave up a normal life in order to plant myself in the Organization. And when I heard Xehanort had gone looking for you, I realized it was my chance to find you as well.” And keep you safe. “For you see, I, too, wish to atone.”

Ansem’s expression is closely guarded, but he very nearly smiles. “Is that so?” he asks slowly.

“How could I not? To be human for those days again… made it all so real.”

The teenager who’d yelled gave him a once over. “You’re one of them, aren’t you,” he spits. “Sora told us about you.”

Vexen ignores him. “I wish to help. I… realize you have no reason to trust me.” He chances taking a few steps forward. “I also realize any apology I offer could never possibly be enough.”

Ansem is silent for several moments. “Am I not at fault, as well?” he asks.

“You…” He wants nothing more for these teenagers to disappear. “You still didn’t deserve the fate you received.”

His eyes are empty--so empty. He turns to the children. “Thank you for all your help, but this man will not harm me. Come, Even. Apparently we have much to discuss.”

Vexen wills the Dusks to disappear. They walk for a long time in silence, the two of them, in this perpetual sort of twilight.

“We cannot return to the mansion. It’s being watched for now,” Ansem says. “Keep your voice low.”

“We seek to take down the new Organization,” he says. It’s beyond odd to be this close to him.

“We?”

“Myself. The man you knew as Isa.”

Ansem smirks. “And how do you propose to do this?”

“In these intervening years… I did perfect the replica program. More or less.” He doesn’t feel pride any longer. “We have a… third party willing to deliver one directly to Radiant Garden, for Roxas’s heart. To Ienzo.”

Ansem’s calm exterior slips, for just a moment. “How… is my boy?”

“I did not see him for very long,” Vexen says. “He is… well. Whole again.”

“You hesitate.”

“Of course I do.” He takes a breath. “He’s received his humanity after years of numbness. The adjustment… I fear it’s not been easy. But I have faith. His brilliance has only grown with him.” He sighs. “With this replica, and our ally, I wish that you, Master, will go to him.” Ansem says nothing; his face is stony. “I realize the feelings you have are complicated. But he needs someone to help him, and I must keep my cover.”

“...Yes. Quite.” He nods. “However could I face that poor boy?”

“With the warmth and grace you’ve always had,” Vexen says softly. “Once this is all over… humbly, I would like to return as well.” If he survives the process. “That is, if you’ll have me. I wish to do nothing more than to ease the pain I’ve caused. I should like to regain your trust.”

Ansem nods once. “This is a good start.”

---

It pains him, to not be present for all this, but his own feelings and notions are irrelevant. He dresses the replica in a coat to protect it, wraps it up further in a blue blanket--almost like an infant.

Demyx arrives--on time, for the first instance that Vexen’s ever witnessed. “So, here we go, right?” He’s smiling.

“...Quite.” He touches Demyx’s shoulder. “I must… thank you for doing this.”

He shrugs. “I’ve been thinking about it. It’s not right for Xehanort to use us for his own stuff, you know? It kinda bites.”

Vexen chuckles. “Indeed. I’m afraid I must ask one more thing of you.”

He rolls his eyes, but his tone is affable when he says. “For pete’s sake, what now?”

“You and I must lie low, once this is through. We must wait and hope for Xehanort’s defeat.”

Demyx glances down at the replica, in its swaddling. “...And then what?”

“Whatever you like, I suppose.”

He bites his lip. “Yeah… that might be nice.” He hefts the replica over one shoulder. “This thing is hollow, huh?”

“Not for long. You know where to go?”

“Yeah, get the old man. I hear you.”

Vexen sighs. “Good luck, Demyx.”

For just a moment, before he disappears into darkness, Demyx smiles, and it’s the most genuine expression Vexen’s ever seen him wear. “You, too.”

---

He can’t be certain that Ienzo receives the replica, can’t chance checking. He goes to an anonymous world, hides in the wilderness. He waits, and to a degree he prays. Weeks pass. He wonders if he should chance contact, should see how things have gone--between Ienzo and Ansem, and along with Dilan and Aeleus, there shouldn’t be any issues with the procedure.

Then he feels an ache in his heart--the heart he doesn’t quite have. The piece of Xehanort. Without hesitating, he returns to Radiant Garden, knowing that he will not have the ability to travel for long.

Because it’s withering, and dying; he can feel the sickly pain, the feverishness, inexplicable agony in his whole body. It must’ve worked. They must’ve beat Xehanort.

It’s all over. At last.

[itsfunnierin-enochian]

Oh, What A Mess We Made

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader

My Beta ❤: @gettingbywithalittlehelp96

Summary: A quiet night out with your friend takes an unexpected turn but, true to yourself, you decide to have a good time and take the most of it.

Chapter 1

With the amount of heartbreaks you’d had in your life, you weren't one to fall for anyone, or at least it didn’t happen fast or easily. Most of time you walked free through life, and even though you met a lot of people all the time, you never let them in that far. Really you were just having fun, and once you realized you could have fun without being involved with anyone you started to see things with different eyes, which allowed you to enjoy life more and not waste your Friday nights, for example, lying in bed crying for a guy. You stopped suffering over the wrong people and decided to kick life in the ass and enjoy every moment of it.

Of course with it, like with everything else, there was always that chance that your plan could fail...

You and your friend used to love discovering all these kinds of places to go hang out at and today you ended up in a bar, that was pretty cool. The atmosphere was quiet and enjoyable and even had bands playing live. That was the thing you liked the most. Music was one of your biggest pleasures in life. The only thing that made you feel free and made you enjoy things like you used to.

You started with shots, mostly to ease your friend's nerves. She was meeting a guy who she’d been “dating” online with for the last couple of months, and this was the first time they were meeting. She was so full of hopes that you really didn't want to say or do anything to spoil her night, But you really didn't see this ending well. Starting with the fact that the guy hadn’t messaged her during the day, not even once to check how they were going to recognise the other that night. Besides you had warned her at the beginning, so tonight you weren't about to tell her anything. You were just there to support her as much as she needed. For good or bad.

The band playing that night, intrigued you as well. It was a local band that was called Louden Swain. You could recognise the name but couldn't remember a song, or if you've ever heard one, so you knew if nothing else it would be nice to listen to them and see if you actually did know them. Luckily the time the band was due on stage and the time your friend was meeting her date was the same, so you would be entertained while she did her thing.

You could feel her nails tapping on the table and that was driving you crazy to say the least, making you more nervous than her.

“Dude, stop that!” You scolded, half joking, half serious.

“I-I’m sorry, it's just… I'm so nervous” she replied with a little voice that was barely audible.

“No way, really? I didn't notice,” you replied sarcastically and walked around the table to stand by her side and wrap an arm around her shoulder. “Listen girl, you just need to relax okay? Here take my drink, calm yourself down, and just think, you already like each other and he likes you for what you truly are, and that is the most important and basic rule in life. Be yourself.”

You were trying to cheer her up, those words were honest but still in your guts you had a weird feeling about this, but with the way she looked at you with that special glow in her eyes, you weren’t about to tell her how you felt or how she reminded you of yourself, all bright-eyed, falling for a guy that smoothed talked their way in just to break your heart.

“Thank you Y/N, thank you for being with me today, if something goes wrong-” she started but you interrupted her.

“Nothing will go wrong, lovely, nothing. Just be yourself and enjoy wherever the universe leads you,” you said and kissed her cheek. “Besides we will have music and music makes everything alright.”

As you kept drinking she looked at you, and smiled. She knew you. She knew deep down that you were thinking the same thing she was.

Minutes seemed to fly and before you knew it the band was doing their opening and as you and your friend, stood there cheering on the guys you noticed someone approaching her. When she hugged him, you breathed out and relaxed. Feeling a little pinch in your arm you saw how they walked off to the bar. He seemed nice as they were talking very close to each other and all, so you relaxed even more seeming as things were okay for the moment.

The band sounded so so good. the guys seemed to be really nice guys, and hot. They all had something but they weren't a traditional boy band, they were like a legit band, a band that you thought should be selling out bigger venues and not bars, so you were hoping that this was just some kind of a sporadic concert for the locals that couldn't see them somewhere else. You loved some of the songs they were playing, and made mental note to look them up later, especially the frontman… the frontman was something. You couldn’t catch his name, since you were talking to your friend when they had been announced, but boy did he look good.

Before the set ended, you looked over, doing a double take, before realising you friend was back beside you and not with a happy face, like she should have after meeting a guy who she’d been talking with for months, but red and puffy from all her tears. You just wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to you, letting her cry. Letting her take it all out, because you knew that's what she needed in that moment. After a couple minutes you walked to the restrooms with your arms wrapped around her, grabbing some paper towels and drying her face while she kept crying, until she finally was able to take a deep breath in and out without sobbing.

“You know what I want?” She asked, as she stepped out of one of the stalls.

Looking up at her you noticed the two other girls in the room had done the same.

“I'm listening” you responded.

“I just wanna go out there get completely wasted, dance like a fool, and get laid. Can you help me with that?”

You weren't sure what the best answer was. You didn't know if you had to agree or tell her to just go back home and rest.

“Same,” the girls that were in the bathroom said laughing.

“You must do it!” one of them finished.

“So are we doing this?” She asked you again to make sure.

“You know my goal in life is to please you,” you said smiling and opening the door for her to start walking out.

You couldn't blame her, you’d even react the same way now, but years ago, you'd have ran to your house to cry for the idiot that made you suffer, and you knew this way was better than that.

Back on the dancefloor, she really did want to have fun and do all the things she mentioned earlier. Dance like nobody's watching actually fitted perfectly in that moment. With a glass in her hand, things were alright in that moment and you knew there was no need to ask. You knew her and she would come confide in you when it was the right moment.

“Oh look, there's the band!” She said and quickly disappeared in the crowd, you tried to follow her direction and to your surprise you succeeded, finding her talking with the guys from the band.

“Here's my baby girl Y/N. Isn't she gorgeous guys?” She exclaimed, wrapping her arm around you and kissing your cheek.

You mouthed an “I'm sorry” and they all laughed. The singer though, the singer and his blue eyes weren't about to leave yours.

“Why don't you sit with us?” He suggested as he made space next to him. You doubted for a second but it was already too late to say no.

“Drinks on me!!!” Your friend yelled and sat next to one of the guys, who was looking at her with a funny look on his face.

“Well, she’s paying for this round apparently,” you said smiling, while this guy was looking at you intensely.

“I'm Rob, by the way.”

Stretching out one of his hands you looked at it before looking up at the big, sweet, smile that accompanied this gesture.

“I'm Y/N, by the way.”

You both laughed and you shook his hand. That strong hand shake and those blue orbs looking at you as if you were the only one there, made your insides tremble a little.

“Beautiful name,” he added causing you to blush. “So… what's happening with her? Apart from having a bad friend that lets her get this drunk and talk to strangers.”

He looked at her and back at you, trying to look serious, but failing.

“Well, excuse me but she asked for it. She's going through a … break up of some sort and she told me she wanted to dance, get drunk and get l-” you stopped when you knew you were giving far too much information.

Rob looked at you surprised “Oh, so she wants some consoling tonight?”

“I guess. If that's what you wanna call it,”

You both smiled.

“And what do you want tonight?” He asked getting closer to you, giving you a drink and grabbing his.

“Just a friendly chat with a member of a band I saw tonight,” you said in his ear, feeling his breath against your skin as he smiled.

“Seems we are all getting what we want tonight.”

He clinked his glass against yours and before taking sip he dedicated you a wink and a big grin. Something that quickly told you that he was trouble.

TAGS: @marichromatic • @missihart23 • @natasha-cole • @notfunnystillhere • @kocswain • @apeshit7x • @princess-of-erebor1992 • @rblstrash • @spnmightkillme • @tas898 • @wontlookaway • @sirraxa • @damn-it-destiel • @i-hear-crazy-calling-my-name • @burningrupture • @internationalmusicteacher • @sherlockedtash88 • @cyrilconnelly • @srtaprieto • @dropthepizza346 • @queenofhellwithcrowley • @pinkykayley • @lauragail2007 • @two-sidedsoul • @shanghai88 • @klinenovakwinchester

[werewolfmagic]

So, here's my playlist of my life as it has been so far. I may update it, but this is what every song on it means to me as of what was on it 30 June 2020.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9_zyjXfClT3ymeEbJNz-a3oWHgs_isWM

1. Lalasweet- So, this first area of the playlist is themed to be my foreign songs. This first one I first heard in college at Radford University. I spent a lot of my time in college walking around listening to music. This one means a lot to me because I can still feel myself walking around campus when I hear it. I see myself very clearly walking in front of the gym, heading to my sociology class in the morning with my fruity tea from Starbucks. I felt so calm back then, the pain from high school just evaporated as I listened to this song.

2. PEEP SHOW- So, this song took a lot of effort for me to find after I first heard it in college. It was written in characters and I couldnt for the life of me get it translated so I could find it on YouTube. But hey, here it is. I sang this song and the previous song to myself a lot as I walked around campus. The same image appears in my head whenever I listen to it.

3. Crossing Field- This one is a trip for me. So, Sword Art Online was my first anime way back when in high school. This is the first opening song to it. This song also got me into listening to japanese music! Sword Art still holds a special place in my heart. I actually read nearly all the books that have been published, and I've seen so much of it. Another sword art song is actually later in the playlist, and it captures more of how the anime makes me feel. This song and this anime mean so much to me. A lot of good came from anime for me.

4. Kakumei Dualism- I've never seen what this is from. But, in high school while I had to wait on my dad to pick me up, this was the first song I learned how to sing in Japanese. So, I couldnt ride the bus because people were dicks to me. I wouldnt get a seat, people would push me around and generally be assholes. So I waited in the lobby for my dad to pick me up after work every day. He got off around 5 usually, and school ended around 3:30, so I had time to kill. This song got me into trying to learn Japanese and learning how to sing!

5. Bye Bye Yesterday- Ahhhh this anime omg! The ending made me cry so hard I would highly recommend watching it. I used to listen to all of the songs from it on my way to therapy in college, so I learned how to sing this as I walked the 1 and a half mile walk I believe it was once every week after I got out of the hospital. This song and this anime give me so many good feelings and good memories.

6.Masayume Chasing- Again, great Japanese song from an amazing anime I love! I listened to this in my room a lot after my dad picked me up. I remember crying a lot while this song was on, I felt so isolated and alone. This song was beautiful to me though, and it got me into listening to BoA. I spent so many hours listening to her music in high school and college!

7. RE:make- This band was just epic to listen to. I forgot I ever found them, I just remember like jamming out to their music once I found them, and when I lost spotify premium, I sorta stopped listening to a great band.

8. Bloody Mary: I got into two bands because if Noragami. Helli Sleepwalkers was one. I used to sing Bloody Mary so often I still think I have it memorized. I sang it to myself in high school and in college, it's practically a mantra now. More on Noragami in a bit.

9. Let me hear- This is from another anime, Parasyte. Great anime, but I honestly like the band more than the anime. Two of my closest friends in high school, Rachael and Maria, I showed this song to them. I still remember sitting in Rachael's room with them, showing them this song. More on both of them when we get to some association songs, there's a lot.

10.Wagakkiband- Great band, I discovered them in high school. I actually dont know what my favourite song by them is, I cant read kanji so I could never find it. I just cried a lot to their music in high school. I would turn it up so my dad couldn't hear my cry, and I would just sob for hours.

11. History Maker- I'm not sure why, but this has always been a hopeful more lovey song to me.

12. Everything- This song means a lot to me. I discovered this band through Noragami too, I loved that anime I read so much of the manga too because season 3 still isnt out. The oral cigarettes got me through a lot, and I mean a lot. I've always actually wanted someone to sing this song to. It's a love song, I've memorized it so I can sing with the song. I've always dreamed of one day singing this to someone who means everything to me. If you ever get the chance to translate it, this song defined how I viewed love for a while. I still hope one day i can sing this song to that special someone,I just hope I get the chance to.

13. Anohona- This is a real cry song for me. Whenever I felt worthless, i would listen to this. The anime is a real tearjerker too. The line "Something must be wrong with me" resonates with me to this day. People who love each other drifting apart, and blaming yourself for it. I cried to this song for countless hours, I really feel like it defined me for so long. I'm actually listening to it as I write this and I'm already crying because of it. It just always makes me feel like there truly is something wrong with me.

14. God knows- This is a song like Everything. I really want to sing this for someone who means the world to me one day, I've practiced it so much! I hope one day I get the opportunity to sing this to who I truly love. Honestly, this feels like a song for someone who is struggling. I wish i could sing it to my love when she truly needs it most. Because yeah, "I will follow you, no matter what we go through." If you listen to this song love, please know that I feel it could mean something to you too.

15. Catch the moment- this is the other sword art song. I got to watch the movie this came from with my dad. It's one of the last things we did together before we drifted apart when I came out. We went to a super fancy restaurant that night, i had vietnamese food for the first time, and i watched an amazing movie with my dad. I really treasure that memory, and I always will. More on my dad later on.

16. Bebe- Time to change themes. These songs relate to my music career in highschool. I was in marching band, jazz band, and concert band. I played Alto Sax. I always worked towards playing this song. I got the Jimmy Dorsey Sax guide as a Christmas gift from my aunt. And I used it to get better. I never could make it to this level though. I always worked towards it but I fell short. My best in this song was the first few lines of music with no mistakes.

17. String of Pearls- My sophomore year in high school, I played the sax solo from this. It's the performance I'm most proud of. It took a lot of effort, and I fucked up when I finally did it, but I'm really proud of myself for accomplishing what I did. It made me really happy to get to do this solo.

18. Law and Order- I learned to play this on sax too! I actually wanted to perform it in concert, but I was never allowed to. This show means a lot to me. Growing up, I used to sit with my dad and watch it with him. This was way back in elementary school when we did this, and I have a lot of fond memories of watching this show with him and talking with him. It felt like we never really spent enough time together.

19. Pink Panther- I would say this song is what I'm most proud of learning on my own. I never performed it, but I did show off with it during jazz band. I was so proud of myself when I managed to growl with the song! I feel like I really nailed the style of this song.

20. Your latest trick- This is another solo I'm really proud of teaching myself! I never played it, but damnnnn I fuckin nailed it when I played it.

21. Deacon Blues- I would always suggest this song to my band director for us to play in concert. We never did do it though. I love the solo, and I spent so many hours learning how to play this song and just vibing listening to it.

22. Zoor Suit Riot- This is the song I listened to a lot during band camp one year. Band camp was always an experience, I have a lot of stories from it, but this one hurt me, and this song I associate with that pain. My dog, Jake, he was an Autralian Shepherd. He was attacked by a pit bull. He died while I was at band camp. I knew he was sick before I left, and I wanted to stay with him, but my dad convinced me I should go because if I didnt I wouldnt have been in marching band that year. I regret going. I wish I spent my dog's last day with him. He was the best dog I ever had, I raised him. My family didnt even tell me he died until a month later, they just kept saying he was with my grandfather. I really miss my dog, and this is the song that reminds me I shouldve stayed home with him.

23. Centerfold- This is the song I associate with the good side of marching band! This was a stand tune we played during football games, and I really could like dance and jump around while playing it! It was a super fun experience!

24. Radioactive- Heres the bad side of band. My junior year, there was a solo in this song in marching band. We were allowed to audition for it. I tried so hard to get an audition with my band director. He kept saying to ask him tomorrow during pre camp. I said I could come in early, or I could stay late any day, but he kept blowing it off. He said I could do it first day of band camp. I asked when I got there, he said wait until tomorrow. The next day, he gave away the solo to his favourite person, and nobody even got to audition. He just chose his favourite. That really fucked with me. My senior year of highschool, the band director picked on me a lot too. There were so many problems in band, and he always blamed me. I was yelled at because I told the drum major we had to move because the susophones would run into a car if we didnt. I was yelled at for reporting drug use. I was going to kill myself because what was my life at that point was making me miserable. This is the first time i ever cut, this was the first time i wanted to die and i was going to act on it. Maria saved me, and i quit band. More on maria below. This song just reminds me of how fucked up the whole situation was.

25. Honeybee- This is the first of my people association songs! This one is for Maria, my sister. You aren't the first person I made a list of songs for and got one from love. Maria and I had the idea first. I felt it would help us get closer as sisters! This was when we were house sitting for rachael that we did this. The first time I didnt have nightmares was when we shared a bed and snuggled together. Honeybee was one of her songs. She saved me from band. She saved me from myself. She never really understood my depression, but she always helped. Shes also who I came out to first when I came out as trans. She helped me learn how to pass as a girl, and she accepted me for me. I've always loved talking to her, she'll always be one of the people I'm closest to. Shes family. Emily is too, that's my other sister. I dont have a song for Emily sadly, but she means the world to me too. Hell, if you want to know more about any of what I'm saying or more about these people, just ask me love and I'll tell you everything. You still have my number, and you can always message me on here.

26. Mona Lisa- This is my first of two for Rachael's songs. Rachael is the second person I came out to, and she helped me along with maria. I actually ran away from home on Christmas 3 years ago. My dad's girlfriend started yelling at me and I just ran away. I texted Rachael on Christmas Eve and she came and picked me up on the side of the road. I spent Christmas that year with her family and her. I spent next christmas there too. Rachael has always helped me through a lot. She also never really understood my depression, but shes always been a good friend.

27. Fox on the run- This is Rachael's other song. She used to pick me up every morning and take me to school. We would listen to music and chill together on the car ride, and this was one of the songs. I always treasured my time with her, and I often think back on those car rides.

28.Tattered Banners- This song is for Kris. I played dnd at a shop called Mishap Games while I was in high school. Kris was one of my friends there. One of the times I ran away, she got me. I spent the night at her apartment, and she introduced me to her dad, lastweektonight, and amon amarth. When I came out to her, we traded clothes. I gave her my old boy clothes cause she liked plaid, and she gave me the clothes that were too femme for her, and it's because of her I was able to dress the way I wanted to when I came out in high school. I'll always appreciate her for that.

29. Peace of Mind- These next 4 songs are associated with my dad. This one is a positive song. I would vibe with my dad and listen to his albums when we moved out. My mom cheated on my dad while I was in high school, and I chose to stay with him. He introduced me to so much rock music. Boston was one of my favourite bands of what he showed me. I still listen to them to this day and smile and think of the time I spent with my dad. It will always make me happy knowing he chose to spend so much time with me to make sure I was taking the divorce okay.

30. Paperback writer- my dad introduced me to the Beatles too. This song struck a chord with me because I wanna write books one day lmao. I love so many more of their songs too, i had a saxophone book of their music so i can actually play a lot of Beatles on sax too!

31. Pinball wizard- Yet another good memory with my dad. He got me hooked on music from the British invasion, so the who, the stones, the animals, the kinks, so many good bands he showed me! I love the time we spent together.

32. Cats in the cradle- Heres the negative of my relationship with my dad. I feel like he never really had time for me once he met deana and before the divorce. He spent more time with me when he and my mom split up,but then he just stopped. I really hope I didnt do anything wrong. Dad, if you ever read this, I'm sorry if me resembling my mom ever hurt or anything. I'll always love you dad, please pick up and call me back dad, please? I miss talking to you, I miss my dad. I know you're busy, but please? Just 5 minutes dad, please just call me if you ever see this I miss you. I love you dad. I learned a lot from you dad. I hope I'll make you proud of me, I hope I get to see you one last time before August 14th. It might be my last chance to see you. I love you dad, I hope you're proud of me.

33. Fireflies- This is my Gillian song. She fucked me up for years. She changed me. She wanted me to be her Ashe, and Ashe wasn't me. I didnt want to be Ashe but I loved Gillian. I let her change me as a person so that I could be good enough for her, but all she ever did was block me over and over, and unblock me and insult me. I dont know why I loved her so much but I did. She just tried to change me and I didnt want to change but I did for her. There's still a part of me that struggles to remember who I was before Gillian. I hate Ashe, I hope I never become Ashe ever ever again. I really never want to struggle like that again.

34. Imitation of Life- New theme! Let's talk about periods in my life. This was the song I listened to on an up. It gave me hope surprisingly. It taught me a lot about how to approach life. If you watch the video love, it keeps focusing on different scenes going on in a clusterfuck that is life. It just looks like a normal party at first, but there's so many little stories going on as the camera focuses on different parts. This song taught me theres a lot going on I cant see, and I should approach life assuming I dont know all the details. I need to focus on different parts, and then I'll see all the little things that make life beautiful.

35. Mr. Brightside- This is another up song for me! This song really helped me learn to smile and bear it. Like, this song helped me figure out how to smile again, and that if I smile more, life gets better and better the more I smile. It was just hard sometimes. I still struggle to smile, ya know love? You made me smile again though. You really helped me love!

36. Toxic- Fuck me sideways this song. I never have been in a good relationship, and this song kinda defines that. Everyone I've been with is toxic, and I shouldn't have loved them, but I did. I just was under their control. If any of the people that hurt me read this, I forgive you. You fucked me up, but I cant hold a grudge against anyone.

37. Monster- I truly believe I am a horrible person. A monster. I have never been able to do enough for anyone. I have never been able to make everyone happy. I have never been able to help everyone. I'm a disappointment. I'm a disaster who let's down her friends. I've never done enough for people and i can never go back and fix it. I can never save everyone. I can never help everyone. I wish i could help the world, but i feel incapable of doing that.

38. Kiri- This is another cry song. I spent hours in my room after school just with this blaring and crying my eyes out. I wished someone would save me. You have saved me though, love. You saved me from myself.

39. Bad Day- Lmao this song. Every time I had a shitty day I listened to this. I listened to this song every day for at least a year straight. Every day felt like a shitty day. Every single one. I just wanted to kill myself. I'm surprised I didnt. I still dont understand how I'm alive to this day. I dont know if I'll ever know how I kept going.

40. 11 minutes- This is one of the songs I associate with being ghosted. It feels like it always happened. I would make a friend, then a week later they just left me. I felt like I would always be alone. This was my college ghosting song. I made so many friends in classes, swapped numbers, then just nothing. I never heard from any of them ever again. I really felt worthless.

41. Telephone Line- My high school ghosting song. I had so many people promise me they would stay in touch. The only people from high school that talk to me are Maria and Rachael. Everyone else just doesnt care about me. And I get it. I'm worthless. It just hurts still. One person promised we would get together next summer, then when I texted her she ignored it, and posted not even a week later how happy she was to be back with everyone from high school.

42. In love with a killer- My first of 2 link songs. It's because of him I might go to jail, but more on that below. This song I associate with the abuse from him. He held me down, and cut his name into my back. He threw me on the floor and pissed on me and made me clean it with my tongue. He beat me. He stole my phone and texted people pretending to be me and made what few friends I had hate me. I lost everyone because of him. He just beat me and belittled me. He made me use my area even though I was uncomfortable. He made me give him head on his period, this he posted on his Facebook calling me a sissy. He only referred to me as his f*gg*t or his sissy or his fairy, he never let me have friends, and he cheated on me. He told me he only married me so he could own me. I fell for him though and I dont know why. He always said if I didnt mess up he wouldnt have to hit me and it made sense. If only I was better he wouldnt hit me.

43.Designed to Kill- my second link song. I tried to leave him once before we finally ended things. He had hickies on his neck. Since I tried to escape him, he said those hickies were strangle marks. I never hurt him. Hes a fucking bodybuilder and I cant open a pickle jar. I spent a week in jail and they put me with the men because of my area. Now I'm facing felony charges even though I didnt do anything to him. I was the one being beaten. If I go to jail, I'll be going to one where the guards dont patrol. I'll be killed. I'm so scared hes going to take my life from me.

44. Because of you- This is my rape song. When I was 5 or 6 (I cant remember what age) I was molested by a high school boy named Ryan. I never understood what he did to me and I still cant unpack it emotionally. When I went to college, I was raped in my ass with a toy by a trans guy, and I was raped by a nonbinary girl. When I went to the police, they called me the rapist since a penis cant be raped, it can only rape. Someone I was with threatened to post my nudes online. This song is about all of them, and about link too. This is the song I associate with all the pain I've felt because of it, and the fear I have whenever I walk anywhere alone.

45. Call me- this is my treatment song. When I was in college, I planned to kill myself on December 15th, at 3 am, exactly 3 hours after my birthday. I planned to jump out of the window of the 5th floor of muse hall on radford campus. I told my friend mary one day and she reported me to the police. I was put under EDO and sent to a residential home. There I met some really great friends I have since lost touch with. There was a Wii with just dance there,and this was the song we did most often when we played it. That treatment place was horrible. They held me for so long, promised one on one therapy sessions every day but we never got it, and I started the worst medication. It was supposed to help me with my eating disorder by giving me an appetite. Well, I never felt full. I ate until I puked because of it. But my friends helped me, and eventually I left. I'm not sure if that place really helped me or not, but the people did. After treatment, I spent a month at Rachael's house, then a month at Maria's, then I went back to school and moved dorms. It was after I went here I was raped.

46. Bo peep- fuck this animation just made me laugh. I love creepypasta so much, and the scp foundation. Seeing my fav creepypastas made me laugh so much when I needed it. I discovered this video and song and the next one while i was with link, and this made me smile at least for a bit.

47. Bad end- the other creepypasta song. This one actually inspired a book idea! I really hope I get the chance to finish it one day, but I'm not sure if I ever will. We'll see though, right love?

48. Intergalactic- This song I just really vibed with in college. Honestly this song and the next one are grouped together. I have a hard time thinking of why i like it or what it means to me, but it does mean something to me.

49. Echo- I love this band, they wrote my all time favourite song. This is just another song I felt needed to be on my playlist but there isnt any other reason for it.

50. Drake and Josh- omg this show. I grew up loving this show! It really helped define some of my childhood and listening to this song really makes me smile a lot!

51. Take a hint- Victorious was another of those shows for me. Honestly though I included this for another reason. So, you know I'm trans. This show sorta helped me realize it when I was growing up, but I never came out or rationalized it until I talked to maria my senior year of high school. Fuck, one time growing up I was on a fashion site looking at dresses because I really loved them and thought they were super pretty and I wanted them! My brother saw and told my parents I was looking at porn. I said I was because I was embarrassed I wanted to wear a dress. I remember in kindergarten being jealous of Jaycee for wearing this really pretty purple dress. I remember growing my hair out so maybe a girl would braid my hair randomly like they did to other girls. I remember playing dress up with Samantha in kindergarten and my grandmother walking in on it and I felt so embarrassed for enjoying it. I remember wishing I could he a Disney princess. I remember taking scissors to my area and wishing if I cut it off I would be a girl instead. I remember coming out to my sister and being so afraid she would hate me for it. I felt so ashamed for how I felt. I remember being bullied when I came out. I remember being cornered in the bathroom by a group of guys and they said they would make me inti a real girl. I remember screaming and fighting until a student came in and gave me the opportunity to run. I remember going to prom and leaving in tears as people were getting dared to kiss me. I remember being driven to therapy by my friend's husband. I remember him telling me I should go back to his place cause he knows what's tr*nn**s like me like. I remember being chased to my dorm from dnd one night. I remember everyone who's ever grabbed my ass or my chest. I remember being outed to so many people by a psycho old woman and I couldnt even go pee because of her. I wish life was easier, but so many people hate me because I'm a freak.

52. Cantina- New theme! This is how nerdy I am lmao. I've always loved stuff like star wars and dnd and star trek. Honestly this song hits weird. I remember watching the original trilogy with my dad and loving it. And my best friend, colton, could play this song on clarinet. He, Andrew, and I were really close. I kinda associate this song with them. Their mom died and colton walked in on her body. They moved away and I just felt so useless to them. I could never be there for them the way they needed me, I could never help them.

53. Doctor who- I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCHHHHHH. OMG I GREW UP SO MUCH WITH THIS SHOW. This was my escape in high school. I learned how to play the theme on sax too! I just always resonated with this show and it means so much to me.

54. Moonquest- This is my nerdy theme still, but now with youtubers. I've loved the yogscast all through college. Watching their videos really helped me after I was raped. It helped me take my mind off of things. This song really makes me smile to this day because of what the yogs did for me.

55. Diggy diggy hole- this song did the same for me what moonquest did, but this group is just so important to me. I love their content and they really did help me a lot. I got to escape through their videos.

56. All the way- I grew up watching jacksepticeye, he helped me get through highschool. My Irish accent is because of him too, I still like to try and do an impression. I loved growing up watching his stuff.

57. I'm back, baby-markiplier, omg markiplier. This was my first youtuber. I subbed to him I think when I was in 6th or 7th grade, and I didnt miss a video until I lost internet after I moved to the apartment with my dad. I still watch nearly all of his videos. Hes an escape that I really appreciate. He really helps me every day, and I really wish I could meet him so I could tell him his videos helped save me.

58. Fly like a butterfly- Markiplier also inspired me a lot. He made me believe in myself, and his message really makes me want to be the best I can be. I want to accomplish my dreams, and his videos made me feel like he believed in me. I really hope I can keep striving to be the best I can be. If you've never seen his videos love, I hella recommend them, same to his other channel unus annus.

59. Everybody wants to rule the world- NSP. Ninja Sex Party. Lmao this band. It's a rock comedy group. This song means a lot to me. It felt really inspirational when I heard it. NSP also has a really wholesome message behind them, and I believe in myself because of them too.

60. Party of 3- another amazing song by them. After I was raped, I really escaped into their music. And when I had a rough go of it in high school, I escaped to their music. They've always been a sort of relaxation band for me.

61. Baby, NYC- I actually got to see TWRP, Starbomb. And NSP perform in silver spring Maryland. It was one of the last things my dad and I did together, the other being watch thr sword art movie together. This band just means so much to me. I could've only used one song from them and gotten the same message across, but they're so important I felt like I needed more than one. I hope that makes sense love.

62. Smash- starbomb also means a lot to me. I remember the mornings my dad drove me to school I would listen to them on the way there with him. Their music was always really funny to me too, and I love the games they parodied.

63. Rivers in the desert- time for my nerdy videogame theme! Persona 5 royal is my favourite game of all time. The story is really moving, the characters are really well written (yusuke is bae), and it was just such a great experience to play. If you ever get the chance to play it love, I highly recommend it. Fuck I cried so much while playing it, it just means so much to me it's so good, in my opinion it's the perfect game for me.

64. Fairest one of all- This song I heard from SCGMD4! It's a rhythm game, and I've always wanted to show this song to someone I love.

65. Hollywise- this song is from Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe either 2 or 3. It also means a lot to me. This game series got me into rhythm games, and I spent so many hours on Kongregate just playing games like this. Before steam, this was my gaming website.

66. Cat- minecraft. Oh minecraft. I have so many fond memories of doing a LAN party at a friend's house or just playing modded with my lil friend group in high school. It's such a relaxing game, I can just mine for hours and just chill talking to someone. I love building villages too!

67. Zelda theme- I can play this on sax too! I loved watching the game grumps play the legend of zelda games, and I've always had a soft spot for them. I just kinda grew up with this series.

68. Evil woman- This song I remember from GTA IV. That game got me through some shit too, I honestly loved the story in it and it made me feel really good going through the story. It felt so real in a way. I played through it so many times.

69. Top secret- I watched patrckstatic play Maize. It's a really funny game and it made me laugh so hard! I still think of it whenever I listen to this song.

70. Skyrim theme- I sunk so many hours into skyrim. It felt a little samish after awhile, but it was still a great game!

71. Halo theme- Halo 3 was one of my first ever games after the gamecube. Now, why did I include so many short blurbs from video games? I didnt exactly write paragraphs about these like my previous songs. Well, gaming was and still is how I connect with a lot of people. I made friends in Britain, Lousiana, Portland, New York, I still keep in touch with some people through games, gaming has just always been a social thing for me and I grew up playing video games with friends. This music helps me remember that.

72. Wolf blood- this is my dnd song. In high school, I ran dnd club. I taught so many people how to play! I also went to a store I mentioned earlier, Mishap Games, and I played all day, every Saturday, for about 3 years. I played online and I ran groups. I played in college at radford. Dnd was my escape from life, where i could pretend to be some hero or villain character. I didnt have to be eden, I could just play a game with friends. I felt really good playing with people! If you ever wanna learn how to play love, or play together or anything, definitely let me know! I'd love to share a game I'm in love with with you!

73. Finally, Jump Up, Super Star- This is my favourite song. I've always wanted to show this song to someone and tell them how much I loved them. I've always wanted to show this song to someone who's more important to me than anyone else in the world. I've always wanted to show this song to someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and make them happy. I want to show this song to someone I'll always be there for. I wanted to show this song to someone I wanted to jump up with, without a care, someone I wanted to go on the odyssey of life with! My first ever post was me dancing to this song. This song means the world to me love. I really want you to know I'll always be there for you for as long as I'm alive. You mean the world to me. Come on, jump up in the air. Jump up because you know I'll be there for you. Everything will always be okay. I'm here for you. I know you're going through a rough patch love, but I'm here for you.

EDIT: 74. The Last Unicorn- This is the song from the movie the last unicorn. It's my favourite book of all time, it made me cry so hard! It's an amazing fantasy book that turns some tropes on it's head. It is a fantastic read I would 100% recommend so I dont want to spoil anything it's just amazing.

Now, why did I decide to post all of this today? Well I want you to know more about who I am, and what defines me. I hope I can get some explanations on the songs from your playlist too if you're ever up for it. I just wanted to share with you who I am. And I wanted a record of how I've felt to live on after I'm gone, if I do go away in August. Maybe you'll look back on my playlist and smile and remember me? Maybe Jump up will give you hope like it gives me. Maybe you can smile and jump up and just not have a care in the world. I really hope that songs has some meaning to you like it has for me, love.

Love always,

Eden ♥️♥️♥️♥️