#so now i'm just trying to keep it a teaching moment and like. not discourage them from commenting on things in the future

[fauxfroot]

god i hope i don't come across as like. condescending lmao

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hiiiiiii

If it’s not too much trouble, could you do a platonic team star x team star member!reader who became a dragon type specialist squad leader and joined because they got bullied for being a fan of other famous dragon type users like Lance and Raihan?

(Sorry if this is too specific)

Oh no worries, I like specific so it's all good!

..........

"I'm gonna be just like them one day.." Sighing dreamily, you sat down at the cafeteria table, watching a video on your rotomphone while chowing down breakfast.

It was footage of a fierce Pokémon battle in Galar--a showdown between two of your idols, who were among the most famous dragon trainers of all time: Lance and Raihan.

Of course, you looked up to many other dragon type users in Paldea, but these two in particular kickstarted your dreams of becoming one yourself, inspired by their interviews and fierce determination.

You also hoped to meet them and have a battle, although that was a little too farfetched for you right now..

Yet you didn't let that discourage you from forming your own dragon team, using your studies at Uva/Naranja Academy to teach them all the best moves and remember type matchups.

Tatsugiri was your main partner, and when combined with your Dondozo..it was an absolute powerhouse in double-battles--albeit this academy usually focused on the traditional single battles.

You were also currently raising a Drakalok, Cyclizar, Arctibax, and Sliggoo, and you cherished all of them dearly. Tatsugiri was a bit of an attention hog at times, though, and always wanted to stay out of its ball and on your shoulder.

You didn't mind it, of course. Whether you're heading to class or to a tournament where dragon trainers were going to participate, you always went together.

Life was perfect.

Except for-

"Still prattling on about being the next famous dragon gym leader, huh?"

-one of your bullies already ruining your day before it could even begin.

For some reason..a few kids at the academy really had it out for you simply because you admired famous dragon trainers. You didn't think there was anything wrong with looking up to your idols. But apparently they thought you were being too "obnoxious" about it and sought to make your life utterly miserable.

It only got worse when you spoke up about it to a teacher, as that bully got off with nothing but a slap on the wrist--that being to train their Pokémon as "punishment".

By sheer convenience, they had ice and fairy types. And that teacher only gave them the chance to make their team stronger and further intimidate you...to the point where you're afraid to go outside, fearing they'll drag you into a battle.

You've kept silent since, hoping to avoid them at all costs and try to keep your grades up. But unfortunately, Arceus wasn't smiling upon you today...and quite frankly, you were tired.

Huffing, you switched off your phone and scowled up at the bully. "Still following me around campus, huh?" You mocked, with Tatsugiri hopping on the table and mimicking your expression. "That's kinda creepy if you ask me."

"Well those stupid fangs of yours are creeping everyone out." They sneered, pointing out your sharp teeth. "Halloween is over, y'know."

"I've already told you..these are canines, and they are real."

"Yeah? More like real freaky."

"Look, just leave me alone before you anger Tatsugiri." You warned, watching as their gaze shifted to your ace, falling silent for a moment or two...

Before erupting into laughter. "Oh wow, I'm soooooo scared of your stupid sushi roll! What ever will I do??" They shook their head. "If you want my advice, dump this thing and get yourself a real dragon. Like a Charizard or-"

"You don't get to decide WHO I can have as a partner!!!" Your hands slammed onto the table as you stood up, fists clenched with anger. Even though you could see people's heads turning in your peripheral vision, you didn't care. "Tatsugiri may not look it, but it's more powerful than you'll ever know! You don't know our bond, so just back off already!!"

"Oooooh, I didn't know you knew Outrage..better not hit yourself in confusion." They snickered.

"...why are you like this?" With slumped shoulders, you frowned at them. "Why do you keep tormenting me day after day?! I've done nothing to you. Is it a crime to admire my heroes? To wanna be like them?"

"No, but you'd be an embarrassment to every future dragon tamer. I mean who'd wanna see a pathetic thing like that in the Elite Four? Or on a Champion's team? Raihan and Lance would laugh in your face and crush you if they saw-"

"STOP IT!!" You finally snapped, hitting the table again before taking out one of your pokeballs. "Do you want a battle?! Is that what you want?!! Then you'll get it-!!"

"[Y/n], what is the meaning of this?"

Hearing the voice of the director made all the color drain from your face. The bully just smirked as you slowly turned to Harrington, seeing him looking at you with a frown.

"This is the second disturbance you've caused in this same area. You know battles aren't permitted inside the academy."

It's only then did you realize everybody in the cafeteria was staring..and you shrunk back in embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry, Director. I didn't mean to shout. They were just-"

But when you tried to point out the bully, they were gone.

How convenient.

"From how it looks..you were intimidating them. And you should also know we have a zero tolerance policy for such behavior."

"But I wasn't..they-!" You tried in vain to defend yourself, yet the look on Harrington's face told you he didn't wanna hear any of it.

"We can discuss this further in my office. Return your Tatsugiri to its pokeball and follow me, if you will."

"....yes, sir." Defeated, you gathered your things and put Tatsugiri back into the pokeball (much to its dismay), before commencing the long walk of shame to the director's office.

Maybe he will believe you.

.......

"He didn't believe me either. What's the point of "standing up for myself" if I'm just gonna get in trouble?! What's the point if they're always gonna get away with it while I face suspension?!"

"Suu.."

"I know I kinda let myself go back there, but...th-they kept pushing me and pushing me! Why couldn't he understand that? Why doesn't anyone here understand-?!"

"Tasu!"

Calming yourself down a little, you looked to Tatsugiri, who sat on your bed and looked up at you with sad eyes, wishing you weren't being so harsh on yourself.

"....well, I know you understand me, buddy." You quietly sighed and sat down, bringing it into your hands as it nuzzled your cheek. Immediately your shoulders relaxed. "I'm sorry. Thank you. I'm just...it's been frustrating. But I swear I'll never replace you for any other dragon. Not even for a shiny Charizard."

"Yip-yip?!" It cried out.

"Believe me! I won't." You chuckled, although you stopped as you thought over this morning's events...

And suddenly you felt sick to your stomach.

Just thinking about going to your afternoon class today made you feel ill, wondering who was going to harass you two next...and if you'll be able to do anything about it without getting into trouble with the director.

Now that you've gotten your second strike, you had to be careful not to lash out like that again.

But what else were you supposed to do?

Let them continue to bully you around and make your poor partner feel absolutely worthless? How was that fair to either of you?

At this point, you've ran out of adults in this academy to talk to...besides the nurse, of course, although she seemed more adept at healing Pokémon than counseling students.

Even if she was willing to listen, you doubt anything would change.

Nobody here took your side or could possibly understand what you were going through-

"Roto-to-to~"

Your rotomphone started ringing, displaying an unknown caller ID. Normally you'd ignore it, although Tatsugiri had a better idea and decided to slap the screen with its fin, answering it.

"Tatsu!" You grumbled, pulling it away from your phone before addressing the stranger, feeling embarrassed. "Sorry! My Pokémon-"

"Greetings, am I speaking to [y/n]?"

".....uh...yeah?" Your eyebrows furrowed with confusion, not expecting to hear a distorted voice on the other end of the line. "And who am I speaking to exactly?"

"My name is Cassiopeia. Leader of Team Star."

"Team Star?" You blinked, remembering all of the rumors you've heard about this organization. They were a small group of kids who got bad grades, skipped school often...and sometimes harassed others into joining them or pulled pranks on teachers.

Why would their leader contact you?

Or better yet...how did they even get ahold of your number?

"Correct. We've been watching you for some time, and we see your pain. It must feel awful...being pushed around and intimidated all because you admire some famous trainers. And when you finally have the courage to defend yourself and your Pokémon...suddenly you're the bad guy? It's so unfair."

"How do you.....l-look, um..Cassiopeia. I got a lot going on right now." You mumbled, hoping to end this conversation quickly. "I'm facing suspension if I cause one more scene, so I don't think I should be talking to delinquents like-"

"That is a lie. Team Star isn't a group of delinquents. We're so much more than that." They interrupted you, sounding a bit annoyed. "The truth is that WE are the victims. We who were shamed and excluded for the crime of being ourselves. The system has failed us, [y/n], and we formed this group as a way to stand up and stand out."

"...ah, I see." Now you were growing a bit more understanding and sympathetic towards them. You always had a feeling that your classmates overexaggerated how "evil" this team really was, making comparisons to Team Rocket and organizations that were legitimately evil and criminal.

But obviously, you never put your two cents in. You were already getting bullied enough just for saying Lance and Raihan are cool dragon trainers you wished to meet.

You were already getting bullied enough just for admiring some famous dragon trainers.

"So...obviously you're trying to sell me something." You huffed, kicking your feet up on the desk. "You want me to join your team as one of your goons-?"

"Oh no. I actually have something much better in mind." Cassiopeia cut in once more. "We've seen how you battle with dragon types. Very impressive, I must say. You never back down from a challenge. You're fierce, protective..and you demonstrate incredible leadership."

That felt flattering to hear, considering all the times you've gotten criticized for your battling techniques during Ms. Dendra's class.

Recently, she actually made you apologize to your classmate, whose Pokémon was actively bullying yours and provoked it into using a powerful move that knocked it out in one hit.

Why was that such a problem?

Because you weren't supposed to be battling, but the bully kept pushing you into one--and of course, Ms. Dendra didn't see that part.

Only the part where you broke the "No-OHKO" rule she had written into her lesson plan for that day.

Now you were struggling to get your grades back up in battle strategies, which was hard since you gained a reputation as being "too aggressive"..when in reality you were just so afraid and fed up that no one would listen to you.

So hearing this complete stranger give you praise felt genuinely good.

"Oh! Ah...thank you." You decided to bite the bullet. "So what's your offer?"

"We believe you're a good fit to be a squad leader. We have one more slot available. Interested?"

Your heart immediately jumped at the opportunity, although part of you was still holding back.....wondering if it was worth getting mixed-up with people like Cassiopeia and Team Star's revered leaders.

This could very well throw away your entire future and your goals of becoming the next dragon type gym leader. You could be expelled for sure, or even blacklisted from partaking in tournaments.

But at the same time, you were so tired of living in fear and dealing with all of this alone.

Why should you have to? That's setting a terrible example for your Pokémon--they shouldn't have to see their trainer living like that. You had to be brave and stronger, but that was almost impossible if you were just going to suffer repercussions for trying.

Cassiopeia took your silence as hesitation. "I know this is a lot to think about. But trust me, [y/n]. Team Star can do more for you than the Academy ever did. You'll get to train without limits. Your name will be known by all, and nobody will mock you or Tatsugiri ever again. That is what you want, isn't it? To grow stronger together? To stand up against those who wronged you?"

Hearing them mention your partner made you look to the Mimicry Pokemon in your lap. Seeing the way they put their fin on your hand and gave you a small nod ultimately solidified your answer.

You weren't turning back now.

"We can discuss this tomorrow if you'd like-"

"No, I made up my mind. I'll take it. When do I start?"

..........

"Looking sharp as always, Revavroom."

With a sharp-toothed grin, you gently patted the head of your Starmobile--specifically the Revavroom attached to it, as it rumbled in happiness.

Then you hopped onto the vehicle, climbing up to the stage where you could survey the rest of your camp, observing your goons hanging out by the vending machines and driving around on their Cyclizars.

This was the Achird Squad base stationed at Casseroya Lake, and for about a year or so...you've also called it home.

The location was perfect for a mighty dragon leader such as yourself, allowing you to keep watch over the Tatsugiri and Dratini herds you'd see in the waters from time to time.

It was far better than the cramped dorms of the Academy. They would never have let your dragons roam free like Dragapult, Baxcalibur, and all the rest were doing right now..

Ever since joining Team Star, you never looked back and never regretted your decision. You became fast friends with the other bosses, with Atticus even designing some cool armor plates for your outfit that resembled a Kommo-o's scales.

Although things have been...rather weird as of late.

Especially since it was the anniversary of the incident.

Back at the Academy, you and all of the leaders came together with the ultimate to confront your bullies once and for all. It was meant to finally settle who was the strongest, and how you were sick of being pushed around.

Least to say..the tables have turned, and everyone knew your names.

The bullies ended up running scared, barely putting up a fight themselves before scrambling to heal and recall their Pokémon.

You felt pretty good about it, especially when you knocked out that jerk who made fun of your teeth and admiration for dragon trainers in one fell swoop.

But then you looked around and saw everyone's scared faces. Many were recording the battles, spreading them all over social media, or shielding their own Pokémon from potential harm--even though you never intended to hurt them whatsoever.

It turned into a huge scandal over who was in the right or wrong, although in the end your bullies played the victims, dropped out of school, and ended up being listened to the most.

They made you out to be monsters who just attacked them for no reason..and it almost got you all expelled.

However, Cassiopeia took the blame, and while you were pardoned, Harrington, the deputy director (who tried erasing all records of the scandal and bullying to "preserve" the Academy's image), and many teachers left, guilty that they didn't do more to prevent this.

It would have been a bittersweet victory for Team Star---had your leader not also vanished, their last message being a call for the organization to disband.

To this day, none of you understood why they'd do that...or why they think you'd ever wanna leave this team and go back to your studies.

How could you after the faculty messed up this badly?

How could you after they still sided with the bullies?

How could you after they tried to cover up what really happened?

In the end, you all promised to stick together, abiding by your codes and living out on the squad bases. You occasionally met up for discussions and battle plans, although you always held onto hope that if the team kept going long enough....Cassiopeia might come back.

You've tried contacting them through various means, yet none of your Rotoms could retrace their calls nor social media posts. Everything was gone.

As though they wanted you all to forget ever meeting them..

It never made sense to you, considering you could really use a leader back then.

But what's done is done, and you winded up assuming a de factor leader position, given your team was the strongest out of all of theirs. Of course, Ortega was less-than-pleased about holding a vote on it, but you won the majority and he eventually got over it.

Now you've been training your Pokémon more frequently, and only because there's something called "Operation: Starfall" going around--and apparently some Paldean trainer was going around tackling each base with the hope of claiming their badges.

One of the codes was that being defeated in battle meant surrendering it, and that means...

Someone was dead set on shutting down Team Star for good.

But you wouldn't let them. The other bosses were your friends, family..and you'll be damned if you lost them, too.

"Boss! The others are comin' in!" You heard one of the grunts shout, and you looked towards the horizon in surprise.

She wasn't kidding.

Ortega, Mela, Eri, Giacomo, and Atticus were at your base's entrance, waiting for you. Although you were eager to see them after being occupied with training for so long...it didn't concern you that all of them chose to show up at once.

But you refused to show any sort of alarm, huffing as you jumped off the stage, mounting your partner Cyclizar. "Let's ride!" You barked, allowing it to sprint towards the group at full speed.

Your cape fluttered in the wind as it leaped across a small stream, all while Tatsugiri--who was resting in a small basket attached to it--held on for dear life.

Upon arriving, the bosses stopped their chatter and turned as you slowed down, stepping off Cyclizar. You gave it a small pat on the head, assuring that it could rest, before looking at the group.

"So we meet again...what's with the sour faces?" Your eyebrows furrowed at their expressions. When nobody was immediately speaking up, you huffed. "Come on, out with it. You can't come all this way to my base just assume I can read your minds-"

"We come before thee bearing..a warning." Atticus muttered, bowing his head in shame. "The student you've spoken of hath proven to be quite the adversary."

"Is that so? Surely they haven't claimed all of your badges, have they?"

"........"

"Why is no one talking-?"

"Because we got our asses handed to us." Mela bluntly stated, clenching her fists. "We got absolutely smoked...and now you're the only one left."

Your eyes widened in shock and horror, although you didn't get the chance to respond as Ortega cut you off.

"Now before you freak out on us all..we did try our best. We did everything you and Cassiopeia taught us. But this kid....they're good. Almost too good. And this guy named Clive was helping them out the whole time, getting under our skin and everything...."

"Well I wouldn't say that." Eri looked at the fairy trainer, crossing her arms over her chest as she frowned. "He wanted to know where we're coming from and why we're doing all of this."

"...and you just told him?"

You could see everyone tense up, and you just scowled, wondering why they would do this.

"What makes you all think he would care...or why anybody from that academy would care about us now?" Your eyebrows furrowed as Tatsugiri sat on your shoulder, mimicking your expression. "Nobody cared when they hurt us...nobody cared when we were literally begging for help. Look, I know keeping this group together was hard, but it's no excuse to-"

"Honestly...I'm kinda tired of this charade. At least someone's willin' to listen to us now.." Giacomo remarked, frowning a little bit. "But here's the lowdown, [y/n]: we got beaten into the dirt and followed our code, so now we're here to give ya a little heads up before this kid comes after you next. We're sorry. But we tried."

"And we still don't know who's really behind this sting operation.." Mela grumbled, shaking her head in worry. "Someone wants to shut us down for good, and it's definitely not either of those new students. They're just being used to carry out the dirty work."

"I might have a good idea on who it is...and I swear, they'll answer for this." You bared your teeth. "But I'll save my dragon rage for this trainer. Wherever they are, whatever they're doing...I hope they know I'm ready. Because I'm gonna defend Team Star...defend us....until my last breath."

"Su! Su!!" Tatsugiri trilled in agreement, nuzzling your cheek, to which you couldn't help but smile a little bit.

"Well whatever happens next, you have our full support, [y/n]." Eri smiled as she patted your shoulder. "Badge or no badge, we stand behind you."

Everyone else chimed in with agreements, smiles on all of their faces as well--although Atticus' wasn't immediately noticeable, you could see it in his eyes.

Knowing this group still cared about you and believed in your battling skills made all the tension leave your shoulders.

"Thank you, my friends. Hasta la vistar ~☆"

""""Hasta la vistar, and good luck, [y/n]!! ~☆""""

[come-away-with-me87]

Modern Hearts Chapter 6

Chapter 5 here...Chapter 7 coming this evening ;)

******

You made it to class 1-A, where you finally spotted Shouta at his desk, looking like he was grading papers.  You lightly knocked on the door, and stepped in saying "hello, Shouta..."  He looked up at you from his papers, and only said, "hello."  You were best friends in childhood, you don't get more of a reaction than that?  "You seem busy, I can always come back..." you trailed off.  "Doesn't make a difference to me," he replied.  This...was not the reaction you were expecting.  You couldn't lie, you were expecting some sort of grand reunion.

But instead, he was acting as cold as ice towards you.  "Okay, then," you finally replied, "so how have you been after all of these years?"  "Fine," he simply replied in a flat tone of voice.  "That's good to hear, how long have you been teaching here?"  Once again, he replied in a flat tone of voice, "a few years."  You tried to keep the conversation going, "that's great! How do you like it?"  Another flat tone of voice, "it's fine."  You finally read the room and realized that he did not want to talk to you at the moment, if at all.  "Well, I'll leave you to grading your papers. Maybe I'll see you around at the staff dorms?" you asked open-endedly.  "Yeah, maybe" was all you got.  You said goodbye to him, to which he didn't respond,  so you turned around on your heels and walked out of classroom 1-A.

"What the hell was that?" you thought to yourself as you made your way back to the library.  You thought he would be incredibly happy to see you after all these years, but he acted as if he couldn't care less.  Despite the way he acted towards you, you still couldn't help but notice that he grew up to be a very attractive man; he was no longer the small, fragile kid you once knew.  You had noticed the scar underneath his right eye; somehow that added to his attractiveness, and you wondered how he got it.  Not that he would tell you, with the way he just acted towards you in his classroom.

You made it through the rest of your day unscathed, although you felt slightly discouraged; not one single student came to the library that day.  Maybe word didn't get out yet that the school had a new librarian?  It was only your first day, you told yourself; tomorrow would be a new day.  At the end of the day, you were greeted by the pleasant face of Toshinori Yagi.  "I'm here to walk with you back to the staff campus, young Y/N."  You couldn't help but smile at him; he's been so nice and welcoming towards you.  "Thank you, Toshinori! Let me just grab my belongings."

After you gathered up your belongings, you and Toshinori left the high school and made your descent back to the Heights Alliance campus.  Toshinori looked over at you and asked, "so, how did your first day go?" You looked back over at him with a faint smile, "it went well, except no students came into the library today."  Toshinori just laughed, "I don't think you'll have to worry about that for long.  We've been without a librarian for so long, that as soon as they get word we finally have someone new, the library will be flooded."  You smiled in response; that's exactly what you wanted.

You didn't know Toshinori long at all, but there was something about him you felt like you could trust.  "Toshinori, I visited Shouta today in his classroom...and it wasn't quite the reaction I was expecting."  You went on to explain how he barely gave you responses to your attempts to talk to him, and how he acted pretty cold towards you.  Toshinori looked thoughtful for a moment, "I wouldn't put too much thought into it, young Y/N.  Aizawa is a very stern and reserved man, sometimes to the point where he comes off as apathetic."  You just nodded your head in response.

You felt like you were being illogical; Shouta was eight years old when you last saw him, of course he would be different now in his early thirties.  "Maybe I'll just try catching him on a different day, or something..." you trailed off.  As you were walking, Toshinori put his hand on your shoulder, "Despite what I just said, AIzawa is a good man.  He's been through a lot in his life, just be patient with him."  You looked up at Toshinori and smiled, "thank you."  Suddenly, you found yourselves back in front of Heights Alliance.

"Well, young Y/N, I have training with one of the students tonight, who I'm sure will be one of the first ones to visit you in the library once word gets out," he said with a chuckle.  You smiled at him again, "have a nice evening, Toshinori. Thanks again for everything."  You two said your goodbyes to each other and went your separate ways.  You walked up the stairs to your dorm, unlocked the door, went inside and plopped on your couch.  You thought about what you were going to make for dinner.  In the meantime, you poured yourself a glass of wine.

You finally decided that instead of making dinner, you would order out.  You haven't had authentic Japanese food in years.  You did a Google search on your phone, and saw that there was a sushi and sashimi place within walking distance from where you were.  You called, placed your order, and putzed around your dorm until it was time to go pick up your food.  Fifteen minutes later, you went to pick up your food from the restaurant; it looked divine. When you arrived back at the campus, you walked up the stairs and came face-to-face with Shouta.  He was walking out of his dorm at the time...which just happened to be right next door to yours.  "Y/N...I think we should talk."

******

To be continued...

******

Tag list: @jaguarthecat ; @lili-pond

[puppytoast]

i love your fox girls please tell me about your fox girls

I have found some time to let me ramble into this box for an hour LETS GO...

First of all thank you I also love my fox girls. I also assume you are probably the same person sending me misc asks about foxgirls regularly which I keep them because I like them so don't be discouraged that I don't answer them all the time lol

I can go on for a long time so I'll just keep things about Tetra today...

This is Tetra.

This is also Tetra.

They are the same character but I have implemented her into two universes. She was originally made for my GURPS (ttrpg) game and then I adapted her into my own headworld setting; Vanus. She is very slightly different between the two settings, but overall it is the same character and the way I draw her just determines the setting i'm drawing for at the moment. I tend to talk about both of these versions of her randomly but for the sake of things being entirely my own writing and not things from the TTRPG I play her in.

I'll be mostly talking about Vanus Tetra today. (So the one on the right)

Tetra is a sarcastic socially awkward alchemist who likes to test new reagents and concoctions by putting them in her mouth and immediately getting sick. She is a laid back, mostly carefree weirdo. She is very interested in making medicines for people, however she also has a blatant fascination with poisons to the point where her continued taste testing has given her a poison resistance. Her ears are floppy because she has overly sensitive hearing. She likes harmless pranks. She is so aroace she does not understand innuendos nor any kind of flirting to the point of confusion. The list goes on.

Tetra was born to a ~rather important~ sorceress and her bodyguard. What exactly the important thing they are doing remains unknown, but for REASONS they had to leave her in the care of her mother's old friend/other bodyguard, Terasu, when she was PRETTY young Probably around 8-10 or so.

Terasu basically raised her for a few years, lending a lot to Tetra's snarky and mischievous personality and the way she presents herself. However Terasu was chronically ill and was very good at hiding it. When her illness suddenly took a turn for the worse she sought the help of an old dragon alchemist that lived in the depths of a dark fungal jungle. He did his best to help, however Terasu ended up succumbing to her illness, leaving a still very young Tetra with this rather eccentric dragon they had both dubbed "Grampa" when she was about 12.

Grampa took her in and taught her alchemy due to her unyielding persistence in wanting him to teach her. She fixated on the craft, believing that if she had known sooner she could have done anything to prevent her caretaker's death, and wanted to do all she could to help others in the future.

She took to the craft incredibly quickly and her skill grew just as fast. She easily adjusted to her life in the fungal woods and grew very attached to Grampa, treating him like a father figure. Before either of them knew it, she had been there studying alchemy for a good 15 years... However Grampa when she started living there was already very old, even for being an older-lived species, and when he passed, it basically broke her. First her parents vanished, then her caretaker died from illness, now she had lost Grampa too. She had already developed a separation anxiety at this point and this amplified it to the point where, despite burying him herself, she was still regularly talking to Grampa, acting like none of it had happened, like he was still there.

Due to her psychosis, "Grampa's" guidance caused her to set off from home truly for the first time. To gather new reagents for alchemy, to hone the skill more and to potentially meet new people. Maybe figure out what the hell happened to her parents, because she is definitely mad about that. She is an odd animal trying to learn how to process grief and discover a found family. She is sad but she stays silly to the point where it's not something you would notice unless you spent a lot of time with her since she is too busy generally being a weird goofball to let others in the know of her own problems.

[bugstung]

i abs encourage you to talk abt timeskip akty i love their designs so badly wah

OK OK so slight ramble in coming

Vbs lost faith after the whole Taiga incident, and while they stayed friend through highschool, they did not try to surpass RW.

I feel like An and Kohane got together during highschool and stayed together, but Toya and Akito didn't, they'd just bury their own feelings.

After highschool Akito probably travelled around the world I think. In any case, he lost touch with Toya (and anhane), and when he got back he thought he couldn't (shouldn't) try to get in contact with Toya again.

Akito works at a bakery in this au. Idk it made sense to me.

Toya is a music teacher (to still keep some stuff from my dream). His reasoning is that he wants to teach kid classic music without going through the trauma he's been through, and maybe can help some kids who have been struggling like him. It's kinda healing for him as well.

Akito and Toya are just as much of idiots in this au as in canon, where they get super close again but no one dares to confess for a long time.

There is this teenage girl that keeps showing up at Akito's bakery. She wants to pursue music but her family discourages her, and when she learns Akito used to sing she's begging him to coach her. Akito has a soft spot for her even if he doesn't say it outloud.

I don't have a name for her yet, but she 100% supports Akito getting with Toya and constantly pesters him about it (she's seen his ugly breakup with his ex so she wants him to be happy, and she's also heard the numerous ramble Akito did about Toya).

Akito refuses the dad allegations, but he will (one day) accept the uncle allegations.

I'm unsure how Akito and Toya get together in this au. I kinda want it to be a "spur of the moment thing", maybe they're singing together again, maybe they're dancing, or being domestic and Akito is helping Toya cook, and one of them just goes "can I kiss you?"... you know???? smt gay

And that's all....... For now... The other stuff I got are either about the rest of the cast, or some short snippets of them talking to each other about what they've missed all those years

[mcg-127]

Hello, I see you found Tommy's blog, and as much as I'm okay with other people seeing it, I draw a line at messing with his mind. You're trying to play a hero and “““save””” him, but what makes you think you know him better than he does? If he says he's happy with me, which is fully true if you aren't aware, then why would you doubt that and gaslight him into thinking I bring him nothing but harm?!

You claim that I'm a bad friend to Tommy just because he's afraid of me, but I must disappoint you – he simply misunderstood my intentions and panicked over nothing. Tell me, how do you expect him to learn anything if he's only rewarded for every little thing he does, and never punished? He'd be so confused of what I expect of him with no guidance from my part...

I suggest that you stop interfering with our life, for your own and Tommy's sake... You wouldn't want anything bad happening to either of you, would you? :) - @dreeamsbff

Oh, hello green bastard. I see you haven't even bothered to make your own account, since you've got an iron hold on Tommy's- is it because you're simply lazy, or you haven't any idea how to use Tumblr, I wonder...? Either way, the fact you're shitting on me for what I told Tommy says more about you, to be honest. Self-conscious control freak, much? I can't believe how much of a hypocrite you are, seriously- you draw the line at me "messing with Tommy's mind" but you can without consequence? And you think I'm saying I know better than he does, while also parading yourself as the ultimate authority & source of knowledge for him. You're a pathetic, abusive piece of shit and it makes me sick. You know exactly what you're doing to Tommy, how you're destroying him, and you dare to attempt sucking me into your bullshit too? It won't work, and it never will. I know your type, and gods forbid I fall for it again.

Ahem. I seem to have let my fury take control for a moment. However much I'd love to rip you limb from limb for all your horrendous behaviour, I'll try to give a proper response. First off, two of your claims contradict each other: "What makes you think you know better?" and saying Tommy is truly happy with you. You have convinced him he's happy with you, convinced him he has no one else - that isn't his opinion, it's yours that you've coerced him into blindly believing out of fear. Secondly, speaking of fear, pure friendship is built off trust & mutual honesty, neither of which is present and your and Tommy's dynamic. Tommy is terrified of you because you hurt him for daring to be his own person, to be independent. That's what you hate, isn't it? You can't control him, so you try forcing him to bow down and obey - his independence scares you.

The only thing Tommy learns when you punish him is fear. He's "good" for you because he's petrified of what you'll do to him if he isn't. That's no way to teach a literal child how to behave, Dream. Children, and by extension teenagers, learn how to behave by seeing good examples... you are not a good example. The only thing you'll achieve with this is making Tommy into an erratic, aggressive but cowering, threadbare shell of what he was before that crumples at the slightest hint of others' disapproval. Is that what you want, huh? I heard you wanted to make him your protégé... well, if you're fine with a high-maintenance pet, then keep going down this path, I dare you. However, it will come back to bite you in the ass when Tommy eventually realises what an awful bastard you are, and flees to somewhere warm and safe like he deserves.

And as for my "interference", your threats do nothing to discourage me from helping an innocent abuse victim realise his situation. I will say, if you punish Tommy for listening to me, that simply proves my point: that you're a control freak who can't stand anyone being independent from you, and you'll do awful things to innocent people to ensure that doesn't occur.

I think I've said my piece for now. Perish and rot in Limbo, you slimy neon-green sliver of scum.

[taegularities]

hey rid, i was hoping i could vent/get ur advice on smt? u don't need to post this if u dont want to!

im an elementary education major and i rlly want to be a kindergarten teacher... like rlly bad. i still remember my first day of kindergarten and i knew from that moment that's exactly what i wanted to be. i changed my mind a couple of times (mainly because of family pressure) but i always came back to teaching. my dad is so not supportive about it and it usually doesnt get to me, but it rlly is rn. he's one of my favorite people in the world and i love him to bits, but it absolutely destroys me that he still cant be supportive of it. i want nothing more than to make him proud but i dont think i can as a teacher.

it's been getting to my head and now im uncertain if i wanna be a teacher or not.. like i cant see myself being anything but a teacher, but knowing all the cons (the low pay, the amount of people leaving the field) it scares me and is rlly discouraging me. i feel like i need to choose my head and be practical rather than choosing my heart and following my dreams, but i almost feel like i would be betraying myself if i did that. im genuinely so lost and dont know how to feel about it :( any advice would help!

- wife from war anon 💂‍♀️(side note, why do i feel so nervous signing my tag on this ask HAHA)

hey babe !! don't worry about it, you can vent anytime <3 i'm sorry it's been affecting you like that :(

it's a difficult situation you're in, and i understand how it must feel to not have someone's support on something so important, especially when that person means so incredibly much to you. but that said, in the end it'll be you who'll be stuck with a job for the foreseeable future.

the problem is that, in life, you can't always satisfy everyone, right? and if you keep trying to do just that, you might end up neglecting your own needs and desires and that might affect your mental health in the long run. so what i'm trying to say is – if you feel like that's the job for you and you really can't be happy anywhere else, then you should stay. ugh i know, the pay in this area is a full disappointment, the entire teacher body has been complaining for years lol i guess that's something that's a constant.

but are there perhaps courses or people you know that could go through opportunities that you might like? something or someone professional? oftentimes, there are jobs out there that cater to your interests, but you just don't know it yet. or perhaps you could be a tutor on the side, for some extra money?

it's a tough situation, but i hope you get through it and know that your stress is valid – still, please remember, that in the end it's your life, and it's you who you need to make happy. if your gut's telling you you'd betray yourself if you did something else, then that probably means something. i found a few links (i'm not sure if they're good, but maybe you could try?): 1, 2, 3.

i'm so sorry you've been feeling that way, love 🥺 vent anytime you need... i hope things get better soon 🤍

[anomallysm-writing]

Can I request a Jealous Jonathan x Male reader? Like all he wanted was his boyfriend to come over to meet his family and in true Dio fashion, he tries to ruin Jonathan's relationship w reader!

Whether it be in fic or headcanon form is up to you dude, I'm excited to see your future content! :)

Thank you so much for your confidence in me! I love Jonathan, and I love male reader scenarios, so I’m excited you’ve requested this. I sort of assumed you meant younger Jonathan, so that’s when this takes place.

jealous! Jonathan Joestar x male! Reader

Fun Day

3rd person

“Jonathan, you have befriended another boy?” Jonathan’s father asks him with a sincere tone. He replies gingerly, “Yes, Father. You are not upset with me, are you?”. He sighs and answers, “No, my son, why would I be? Every boy needs a boy friend of his own, to play ball and run around,”. These words calm the boy substantially. “Thank you, Father.” he says to him in joy, confusing the man slightly.

However, his adoptive brother, Dio, is listening in. He smirks to himself, and thinks about how to teach this brat a lesson. Another way to bring his brother happiness? Another way to lower his spirits. Mr. Joestar smiles at his son and asks, “Well, how about you bring this boy to the manor so that I may meet him?”. Dio’s smirk grows into a grin at this, ‘They are making it too easy! I will just get the boy all jealous!’. Jonathan’s smile grows greater, “Oh, Father, I would love for you to meet him! May I ask if he is able to visit tomorrow?”. Mr. Joestar agrees on this time, but reminds Jonathan that it would be best to ask sooner rather than later, as it is growing dark.

“I have no other way to occupy my day tomorrow, I would love to visit your estate, JoJo!” Y/n tells his friend gleefully. Jonathan replies, “Hooray! My father would like to meet you tomorrow.” “I would like to meet him, too,” Y/n begins, “but that must be tomorrow, and you must head back today! The sun has almost set. How about we meet at noon?”. He confirms and says his goodbyes before heading home for the night.

Courtesy of one of the servants, Jonathan sets at the designated time. Letting his father know where he is off to, he starts the walk to his friend’s house to escort them back to his, and then spend the day with his family. Upon retrieving Y/n, they casually chat, and then head back together. However, they aren’t alone. Dio watches carefully, getting to know Y/n from behind the scenes. Once they are at the house, he sneaks back inside to greet the “new friend”.

Laughing at a comment that Y/n made, Jonathan doesn’t notice his brother before his friend does. “Oh, hello there! What is your name?”. Jonathan’s heart stops for a moment as he realizes this day might not go as smoothly as intended. Bowing to the newcomer, Dio introduces himself, causing Jonathan some unease, but this goes unnoticed by the boy immersed in the blonde’s presence. The blue-haired boy asks to simply enter the mansion to show his friend around, when really, he just doesn’t to be Dio’s company.

“I presume this young man to be the one you have told me of, Jonathan? What is your name?” Mr. Joestar asks the two boys. His son simply nods in response. With the most politeness Y/n can manage, he introduces himself to his friend’s father. The man seems pleased, so he feels more welcome. Dio approaches from behind, causing his brother’s nerves to induce immediately. ‘What tricks are you up to now, you fool?’ he thinks to himself. “My dear brother, may I show your friend around with you? I know what it is like better than anyone, wandering about this place with no idea of where I may be at any time.” Dio begins to ask, but before an answer is provided, he turns to Y/n and says, “You know, I am not his brother by blood. I was brought here through adoption. This kind man I now call Father was willing to take me in after my own passed away.”. The newer boy stares deep into the other’s ruby red eyes with interest at the powerful history they hold.

Mr. Joestar clears his throat and states, “That is indeed the truth. Now, it is lunchtime. You have not eaten yet, Y/n? You may eat here with us. I will get the servants to prepare a meal for all of us,”. Breaking his gaze with the cunning boy, he turns to the man and concurs. Jonathan lets out a sigh and offers to take a walk with the fellow before him.

At the meal later, a casual conversation occurs. Jonathan is finally off edge, as Dio has not pulled anything tremendous thus far. He is, however, trying his very best to eat in a civil manner. More than usual, that is. Much to his dismay, Y/n has noticed it, but chooses to ignore it to be polite. And yet, his eye simply must be caught by the way Dio holds himself. Fueled by honor, confidence, and independence. His mysterious yet hypnotic demeanor which had secured a firm grasp upon the attentions of many. But Jonathan had not noted the way his good pal couldn’t seem to get his eyes off of his brother, being too busy trying his darnedest not too look a fool in front of the one and only peer of his who had captured his heart so sweetly. Quite sad, in all honesty. He had only taken notice at around the final gulp of food he took. It didn’t take long for him to be on edge again after that. In fact, he felt very discouraged, and almost was not able to finish what little he had left on his plate.

“Hey, Y/n?” He begins after everyone has finished, and the dishes had been dealt with.“Yes JoJo?” “What do you think of Dio?”. The question sent a wave of shock through Y/n. Why would he ask that? The h/c boy turns to face his friend and says calmly, “I respect him. He is interesting. But not very suitable for friendship, really.”. Jonathan did not know how to feel about that. He doesn’t want to be friends with him? But he respects him? Interesting? It did little to soothe his nerves. Y/n notices that his friend appear lost in thought. With a sigh, he tells him, “JoJo, we have been friends for a while. We know each other well, better than most do, no? Ah, you see…” Jonathan looks into his eyes, and then he clears his throat and continues, “you might hate me for this. But I think you hating me is better than you thinking I like your brother more than I like you.”. All of the sudden, the blue-haired boy’s nerves were forgotten about entirely. He couldn’t help but be confused, and yet, hope shined through him. He may not be alone. “You see, JoJo, I love you. More than fellows. And not in the brother way. I want you to be my husband someday. Although I have never seen a couple consisting of two husbands, perhaps we could be the first I have seen?”. Jonathan’s blue eyes lit up with a flame greater than ever before. He was over the moon! He attempted to keep calm, but couldn’t help a wide and toothy grin, as he replied, “I would love that more than anything, my dear friend.”.

On the walk home that evening, when the boys were sure that nobody was watching, they slipped their hands together into one, each being elated enough to tear up slightly. They shared that tender moment together in peace and seclusion, safe in the company of no one but each other. And this time, Dio had not thought to tag along. He was positive that he had absolutely enamored the new kid, beyond the wits of his brother. How wrong he was! In the end, it was Jonathan who enamored him. Or was it Jonathan who was enamored? It matters not, all that is important is that these two boys are now happy together, and ready to face the challenges of the future right by the other’s side. The leaves fall as they chat about the beautiful aspects of life, but to them, the most beautiful aspect of all was their solidarity.

The end

I’m sorry if that was really cheesy, obvious, or redundant. Or really anything of the like, really. Please give feedback if you have any. If my memory serves me correctly, this is the first fan fiction I have ever written, so it’s probably terrible, I don’t know for sure.

[pure-kirarin]

Slow & Steady [P3] [Sabo x f!reader] (+18)

A/N : Hi !! sorry for publishing this later than I expected, but I got a beta reader and we worked on this chapter for longer. Please do tell me if you like this more <3 We put a lot of effort into it. Now, enjoy !~ Genre : Romance - Smut - Bestfriends to lovers General warnings : Alcohol consumption - Dark themes - Swearing - S m u t - possessiveness - Mention of ex-relationships - jealousy

Synopsis : Isn’t love a matter of timing after all ?That’s what Sabo has always thought. It was about finding the right tempo, making the right moves and hitting the right spot. Patience is a virtue after all, and he had a lot of it. It all started when your ex cheated on you. You were heartbroken, you needed someone and he was there. Was he always that hot ? You didn’t know. But after that night you have never seen him in the same way. Also, please guys comment because this is the first work I put so much efforts in. If I feel like people don't like it, it just feels not worth it to me and discourages me :( I have 2 other multichapters planned but I am thinking of abandoning them because people don't seem to like it...Anyways, please do interact if you like it :)

Part I - Part II -

In the last chapter :

You looked at Sabo go away and you followed him shortly after. Meanwhile Ace was sitting on the couch and watching some movies. You went back home and was quite tormented. It wasn’t the right time to worry as you had your assignments and studies to deal with. On one hand, you didn’t even have the time to think of your ex boyfriend and his cheating but on the other, you felt like you were let down by Sabo.

But why ? He didn’t do anything.

He just found himself a new friend and a potential new girlfriend.He didn’t even talk about her, but why where you so upset by him meeting her ? After all, he had the right to date just like you always did.A few days have passed and you didn’t get the chance to talk to Sabo. Your exams were getting closer and closer and you didn’t feel ready.Usually, Sabo would help you with your assignments but you were too scared to ask. You realized how much you relied on him and how he has been always there for you.

Who were you exactly to him ?

Maybe you took him for granted.

As you were on your bed looking at the ceiling and trying to collect every drop of motivation in your system to study, you heard your phone ring. It was Sabo’s ringtone !

P III

“Hi (Y/N),how are you doing?”

“Oh, Sabo! I'm fine. Kinda busy studying. And you? Haven't heard from you since last time.”

“Sorry about that. My schedule has been extremely tight lately. But I am free now!”

“I was just thinking of you. I have to turn in my history assignment tonight and I might need your help...Pleaaaaaase~ I know you're so good at history, please come save me!”

You could hear him laugh on the other side of the line. His laugh sounded so bright, making your heart flutter. You really did miss him. In the end, you were best friends, right?

“Alright! I'll come rescue you. After all, I have to make up for disappearing.”

“Sabo, you're the best! Would you mind coming to my place?”

“I'll be there in twenty minutes. See you then.”

“See you!”

Hanging up, you thought to yourself: you’ve never been this happy to see Sabo. You rolled on your bed in excitement. Twenty minutes seemed enough to make your room and yourself look somewhat presentable, he has never seen your messy room before. Fifteen minutes later, Sabo was in your room, both of you sat on the bed and started studying. Sabo had always been a top student, he was passionate about history in particular. Helping with your assignments was never a big deal to him.

Now that you gave it some thought, maybe most of your good grades were thanks to his help. He had tutored you many times when you were both in high school and that stayed a constant in your life even now.. Once you finished and sent the file to your professor, it was already late afternoon and Sabo was putting on his coat to go back home.

You had almost forgotten about what happened last week because of all the studying. Things weren't awkward anymore. But you wanted to bring it up because you couldn't help but think about the words he said.

“Sabo ?”

He turned back and looked at you with a smile.

“Yes? Do you need something else?”

“Don't go, I want to...  I want to ask you a question.” You patted the place next to you on the bed.

“Are you alright? You look very pale.” He sat next to you and the proximity made you extremely nervous. Although he had been close to you so many times before, you wondered why this time his proximity was affecting you so. The built up tension was getting unbearable. You could feel the knot in your stomach tighten, but you had to do it, you had to relieve yourself from this situation, otherwise it will still preoccupy you. With a nervous toss of your hair, you asked him, your eyes fixated somewhere on his chest :

“Well...Did I say something weird to you last time?”

“Last time?” he repeats in apparent confusion..

“Well, you know, when I got drunk, did I say something weird?...when you took me back home…”

You didn't even dare look at his face.

“Oh...nothing worth mentioning. Don't worry.” A sweet smile.

Oh, really now? I asked you to fuck me and you're saying “nothing fucking worth mentioning”? Bullshit.

...Or did I make all of that up?

“Didn't I…” you stop, clearing your throat, “didn't I ask you..to...well, you know…” You looked away in exasperation, annoyed that you had to say this and that you could feel your face quickly heating up. You felt your helplessness more fully now as you were discreetly looking at him to guess his reaction. Your eyes were shy and avoiding, looking his way then looking away continuously, almost instinctively.

“Hm? What?” He was amused, the bastard.

“Well...Didn't I ask you to fuck me or something?”

He burst out laughing, looking at your flushed face and the way you said that so fast that he was tempted to tap his ear and tell you that he didn't hear you quite well, but he simply refrained. That would be too much teasing.

For now.

And it wasn't the right time

yet.

“Ha, that.” He marked a pause, “it's only worth mentioning if you want to.”

You bit your lower lip, so he did remember…”Well, about that…”

“Just ask me to and I'll forget.”

But what if I don't want you to forget? You fucking idiot. When did you turn out to be this hot? Did seeing his morning wood put me in such a mood? Do I have this little self-respect? Risking our friendship like this?

He leaned closer to you so that his face was only centimeters away.

His minty breath was ghosting over your cheek;

“But just so you know, there's no going back.”

Was this the same Sabo from a few minutes ago? Was he really tempted to have sex with you? You felt flattered. You thought about Nami's words. Was he really into you? You felt insecure.

You've never felt insecure before.

You contemplated the idea for a second. You had just broken up with your boyfriend and you were now yearning to get fucked by your best friend - a guy that you've never even seen in that way before.

But how many things did you truly know about Sabo? How many things were you not seeing and being unaware of when it came to this man? You were slowly coming to the realization that he had been keeping a lot of things private - his personal life and thoughts mostly held close to himself at all times.

It was always about you in this friendship. And he was patient, oh so patient. You wanted to see all these sides to him that you've never seen before. It was like discovering the hidden door of a secret Eden.

You closed your eyes. You knew that he wouldn't hurt your feelings. You trusted him. You wanted this. You wanted to break the spell that got you dreaming of what you were denied.

You nodded and his smile widened ; Here you were falling, finally.

“I didn't expect anything less from you. What a brave girl you are. I was waiting for you to bring this up. Took you quite a long time.”

He twirled a strand of your hair between his fingers, pressing his hot lips on your forehead. Your breath stopped for a second, eyes closed tightly. You weren't used to this tension, your heart was beating uncomfortably fast.

Where did the prude Sabo that you always imagined go? He was acting normal a few moments ago, and now this? This was definitely more, or at least different than whatever you would have expected.

Your cheeks warmed up at his praise, you were just like a little girl that was given a piece of candy. But you wanted way more.

“Now that I think of it… you haven’t been really good, have you? You said things that you shouldn't have. You’ve tested my patience quite a bit the other day, baby.”

It sounded so natural, the way he called you baby, as if he had always done it. It surprisingly took you not even two seconds to adjust to this new Sabo that you saw. In hindsight, you think you might’ve longed for this Sabo, one who is so open and expressive with you.

“Huh ? What are you on 'bout ? I still stand by my position…”

Saying this was a bad idea.

He raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, it's true, I've never seen you with a girl before. Wouldn't be surprised if you were a virgin. But it's okay, I don't mind… well… teaching you…”

You looked away. It felt a bit off, as if you were playing a role but you were very much into it. There had always been that bratty side to you that he loved so much. He smirked, rolling his eyes. Always with the tough talk huh? He thought.

Smiling knowingly, he reached out for your face. He gently gripped your chin between two fingers, brushing his thumb over your lower lip as he said,

“Looks like you need a good lesson.” He shoved two gloved fingers into your mouth, taking you by surprise and making you instantly back off a bit.

“Hmm. Let's put this dirty mouth of yours to better use.”

He took his fingers out of your mouth, leaving a leathery aftertaste on your tongue. His arm encircled your waist and he held you up effortlessly, securing you against his lap. As you were just wearing a dress, you could feel him getting hard through your panties and you couldn't help but tighten your thighs at this feeling, getting instantly turned on. When did you start wanting him this much?

The corner of his lips curled up as he saw you already getting eager from a simple touch. His arm held your hips in place so you didn’t move around.

He replaced his fingers with his lips, kissing you hungrily. It was nothing like that drunken kiss that you both shared the other night. His tongue got you feeling butterflies in your stomach, heart pounding so hard as you pressed your chest against his, seeking his warmth.

You were going have sex with your best friend and he had a huge dick and he was nothing close to the vanilla prude guy that you expected him to be. You were thrilled. Everything happened so fast. You never realized that you were so desperate for his touch.

You tangled your fingers into his blond locks, moaning into the kiss. You pulled away, cheeks ablaze, impressed by his skills.

“You're a good kisser…”

“Look at you getting all worked up by a kiss...Tell me, who's the virgin here, huh?”

You blushed at his remark and looked away. Cute, he thought to himself.

But it wasn't enough. Not yet. With a sense of urgency, you kissed him again as if it was your last chance to taste his lips. His pace was slower, he wanted to take his time to enjoy this moment while you wanted to rush it up and go to the next step. Breathless, you pull away, hesitant and curious.

“Sabo, do you… Do you like me?”

“I do.” He put his forehead against yours, making you  look deeply into his eyes. The look he was giving you seemed unfamiliar, making you feel intimidated. How did he hide his feelings so well and why did he say them now?If he said he liked me before, would it have been differentWhat changed within him, to make him act like this and most importantly, what changed within you to make you need him so badly? You dipped in for a kiss, trying to get a grasp on your feelings. It didn't feel weird, it felt good, as if you had wanted it for so long.

“Sabo,” you stuttered. He loved the way your voice cracked, how hesitant you were, how your cheekiness disappeared, leaving behind only your conflicted emotions. “I thought about what you said last time and...I...I think I want to. Now.” You emphasised on the last word, goading him into agreeing.

A victorious smile danced on his lips.

“You think?”

He smirked and lifted your chin up so you could look right into his eyes. You couldn't help but close the gap between the two of you, shamelessly rocking on his thighs to get some friction. You kept thinking about the words he had said when you were drunk, you really wanted him. Yes, maybe it was just lust. Maybe it was just a strong desire to sabotage the most precious thing that you had. But for now, you needed his warmth. He pulled back, making you groan in displeasure like a cat in heat. He smiled, his lips barely grazing yours and added,

“You're not ready yet, kitten.”

The look of disappointment on your face said it all. You couldn't believe he turned you down. Once again. You were so adorable, for a moment he thought that he would just snap and take you right there.

“What do you mean ‘I'm not ready yet’ ?! I just said I was. I want you too. That's what I said. I'm sober now, I'll recall how good you are.”

“Patience is a virtue.”

He smiles, and you would’ve given years off your life just to punch him. You could swear you still felt him hard against you and he was acting so composed. You didn't want to let him go.

You were scared that if you did, he would disappear into dust. You felt so desperate, so humiliated.Dying for his attention and heartbroken from past experiences.

“I have to go now.” He lifts you up with ease, placing you on the bed again. He then put his coat on. You looked at him leave with puppy eyes and for a second he hesitated. He was tempted to change his mind. But he had waited for so long and he couldn't afford to ruin everything now. Not when you were so close, so ready and eager to take him.

“Don't go.” You pleaded.

“And who will feed Ace?” He says with a smile.

“I don't care. Don't go…” You got up and hugged him from behind, tightly, letting your mask fall. His departure and abrupt ending of the tense situation he had placed you in, his act so nonchalant, had awakened some insecurity within you.It was driving you insane.

You were confused.

His heart melted at your sweetness. He remembered the reason behind his love for you. You were so fragile, so honest.

“I really have to go, princess.” How could he say such things so easily? “But I promise that I will make up for it next time.”

---

Tag list : @vemuabhi @chloe-abbacchio @mwls-garden @soanywaysistartedsimping @portgaslari @lofi-coffee If you wanna get tagged just ask for it :)

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen [chapt. 7]

[Donnie x reader]

chapter 6 here

"Nothing gets past me, especially not you and your nervous habits, Donatello," Splinter's voice bounced around Donnie's head. 

The brothers all looked at each other incredulously, Donnie's anxiousness replaced by complete bafflement. Everyone was wondering the same thing: How did he know?

"You wonder how I knew," Splinter said pointedly, "as if you four are any good at keeping a secret."

They waited for him to go on, but instead there was another uncomfortable pause, Splinter assumedly expecting them to say something. It was Mikey who finally broke the silence. "Are you gonna, like...tell us what we did wrong? How you knew? So next you can't—"

Splinter scoffed and brought his staff down on the youngest's foot. Mikey yelped, bouncing away on one leg. "Teach you how to lie? I have taught you many skills, but one that will always elude you is how to keep something from me. Parents have a sixth sense, you know." He turned to Donnie, regarding the rest of them with a dismissive wave of his hand, "You three, to your rooms. Come to the dojo with me, Donatello." 

The three were quick to scatter, Mikey whining into Raph's ear about being sent to their rooms so early, and Raph huffing that he'd been dragged in too. 

Swallowing, Donnie followed behind him a few paces, not sure what to expect but nervous all the same. He was lead in and instructed to sit down on the floor, Splinter settling down in front of him. Donnie's fingers brushed along the ridges of the knuckles of his other hand again and again as he tried to find something to occupy them with. 

Resting his palms in his hands, Splinter began to talk, voice less harsh than Donnie had anticipated. "I know that we lead a very isolated life, my son. But you must keep your priorities in perspective. You four need each other, and betraying one another's trust does not help that case."

"I'm sorry, Master Splinter," Donnie apologized and hung his head. 

"Perhaps you should apologize to your brothers, just as they should to you." 

I did put them on the spot, especially Leo, thought Donnie, considering now that he had put him and Raph in a weird position. They had to choose between ratting on him to Splinter and keeping it under wraps for the sake of not stirring up the pot needlessly. As much as Leo was a stickler for the rules, he didn't want to create dissension between him and Donnie. So, they chose the latter option, and now all four were in trouble with their father. 

"Okay. I guess...but, Master Splinter, how did you know?" 

"About your secret antics?" 

Donnie let out a humorless chortle, feeling a twinge of embarrassment that he had actually thought at some point, he was getting away with anything. "Yeah, it...it wasn't very much of a secret."

Stroking his chin, Splinter plainly said, "It was only a suspicion, until you confirmed it."

That night a few weeks ago when Splinter came to him in his lab. The way he squeaked when he was confronted just prior to them going to talk alone. Why didn't I think of that? It was a classic trick, one their father had deployed quite a few times on them. He'd been baited into giving himself away. None of them could tell when he was bluffing or if he actually knew. Save for Leo, who managed only twice in their time to make heads or tails of it. 

"I really walked right into that one," Donnie whimpered under his breath, palms pressing down on his knees. 

"You did. But," his tone turned more serious, looking him dead in the eye, "you must fix your mistakes, son." 

 "How?" asked Donnie softly, searching for his father's guidance, but it would find no purchase. He was hard pressed to find a solution immediately. 

Splinter shut his eyes and thought. It was a tricky situation, indeed. He gathered that if anything, this was an excellent lesson for Donnie, as well as the others. Under his own supervision, of course; there wasn't room for any more blundering. 

Standing up, he placed his staff under his hand. "I trust that you will find a way. You have a brilliant mind, Donatello. Use it well," he told him, and went to leave the training room. 

Donnie was still sat on the floor contemplating Splinter's words, honored yet uneasy at the same time that he was being entrusted to fix things. How, he didn't know. Truly. He was at war with himself trying to balance his logic with his emotions, trying to make the two meet gracefully, but it felt impossible. Whichever road he chose, it was a betrayal to the other. One left behind while the other took the wheel. And thoughtlessly, he blurted out, "What if your heart is telling you something completely different, Sensei? What if everything feels contradictory, and—and like there's no right answer, even though you do have this mind, you just can't seem to…" 

Donnie's voice tapered. Slightly surprised, Splinter stopped in his tracks, brows high as he looked back at him, who was so clearly riddled with a deeper kind of conflict. Critically discouraged, but still the sliver of will in those eyes of his. His heart went out to him. 

Splinter had known that Donnie was interacting with a human. What he hadn't known was that he was in love with the human. 

There was a moment of understanding, and Splinter realized that Donnie could not do this on his own. It reminded him of the times the turtles had all been children, the way Donnie looked to him for wisdom as he grappled with himself. Sighing, Splinter sat back down, this time close to him. Donnie was despondent, reverting to staring at the edge of the mat he sat on. "I know your struggles, my son. It seems like there's a sacrifice no matter what you choose, does it not?" 

"I don't want to let you guys down. But, I...you know, I'm sorry, Master Splinter, but you don't understand." 

He didn't want to say bluntly that he wanted to think of himself and his needs, unlike usual. He knew Splinter would probably not approve of that. None of them had much of a chance to make a selfish decision, aside from everyday things such tucking into the pizza before it even made it back to the Lair. So far, the number of times he could recall making a consequential choice for the sole purpose of indulging himself, was an astounding zero. 

"What makes you think I would not understand?" questioned Splinter, and Donnie regretted that he'd said it. He didn't miss how Donnie looked to be becoming mildly sour (among other things), though not at him specifically.

It was then Donnie clammed up, shut down the conversation, he was not going to say it. "It" being what he assumed Splinter wasn't privy to, that he had undoubtedly fallen hard for his friend. But knowing his father, he could totally have had a clue. Splinter didn't always need the details to make an assessment when it came to his sons, whom he knew all too well.

Letting out a crestfallen huff, Donnie rested his chin on his knee, arm obstructing the better half of his face. "It doesn't matter," he mumbled. 

Splinter stayed quiet. He didn't want to drive Donnie off—not when he was in such a turmoil. The atmosphere changed to a cold one. Donnie didn't acknowledge him until he put his hand on his forearm, giving it a gentle squeeze and saying, "I will tell you again: I trust that you will figure it out." 

What if I make the wrong decision? 

"For all of our sakes, I hope you're right, Sensei," Donnie responded. Splinter smiled and got up, prepared to leave the matter at that until any further updates. Until the phone in Donnie's back pocket began to vibrate out of the blue. He wanted to answer, but what, at that point? What should he say? 

A minute went by of more persistent vibrating, and Splinter's ear twitched, certain he knew who it was. He was disappointed with the carelessness that had brought them to that moment, but what was done was done. None knew if the girl had any suspicions. "Are you going to answer it?" he asked, sort of prompting him to pick the phone up. 

"May I?" Donnie thought he might have sounded a little eager.

Splinter let out a calm hum and motioned for him to do it. Donnie lifted his finger to press accept, but Splinter interrupted firmly, "Speaker, Donatello."

Eyes flitting to Splinter, he accepted the call and reluctantly turned on the speaker. 

"Bo, what was all of that earlier, dude? You had me worried sick!" spoke [y/n], more concerned than angry (which Donnie was somewhat relieved about), but he sunk down sheepishly upon seeing the look on his father's face. He gave Donnie a questionable glance at the word "Bo", as he wasn't aware of the details. Donnie wasn't about to correct her right now. 

"I–...hey, [y/n]," he said, forcing himself to turn to the side so he wouldn't have to look at Splinter. The eyes on him made him feel put off to the point he couldn't focus on her voice, but the fact that Splinter was right there, listening in, and both were fixing to find out just what kind of mess they had on their hands. "Believe me when I tell you, you don't want to get caught up in this," he told her, "I can't—"

"Listen," she started, exasperated, "I've heard it before. 'I can't tell you this', and 'I can't tell you that'," she went on, "Be honest with me, Bo; is it that you can't or you just won't?"  

Splinter's thoughts were undetermined. Donnie couldn't read anything from his stoic expression. 

"It's not that I won't," he rebutted, pitch going up involuntarily, "Why won't you listen to me when I say I can't?" 

"Because there's something going on, with you, and I know my eyes weren't just playing tricks on me. I saw something crazy—I heard it, too, when I called you the other day!" 

I am so dead. Donnie's stomach did a flip. He couldn't face his father, but behind him, Splinter placed his hand on his face, covering his eyes. He shot Donnie an intimidating glance, and Donnie waved his hands nervously, listening to her go on as he backed up. Pivoting around from the jabs sent to his side by Splinter's staff, he jumped away with his comically long stride, trying to avoid the onslaught while juggling the phone. He muffled a grunf of pain when the cane managed to whack his head. 

"Hold on!" he said, and Splinter stopped and narrowed his eyes, the voice on the other end of the phone also going silent. Donnie couldn't regain his composure while being chased around the dojo, so he finally was able to sputter out, "W-what did you see?" 

"I was on the balcony, 'Don'. I heard your voice on the phone and saying the same thing from the roof, and saw two giant...turtles! With weapons, fighting what looked like ninjas?! What even is this?" she yelled. 

She'd put two and two together. There was no fixing. 

Only acceptance. 

Blinking, Donnie nearly dropped the phone. Splinter shut his eyes, slowly shook his head, and turned around. The sound of his cane tapping the floor as he walked was the only thing he could hear after he tuned out the speaker. 

He was now alone in the dojo, under the light that streamed through the grate above him, standing in the hush. 

He turned the speaker off. She, on the other end, was quiet, too, in disbelief. And probably rightfully feeling betrayed, in a way, Donnie thought. The friend she'd come to care for so much turned out to be someone she couldn't have even imagined. 

Licking his lips, he put on the most level tone he could and said in a struggle, "You can't tell anyone. I-if you say something, I'll... we'll…"

I could never threaten you, [y/n]. 

"You'll what?" she asked, voice low.

Then, all the could hear was her breathing. The dojo was completely quiet, the room was large, and there he was, in the middle. Donnie liked smaller spaces. Darker spaces, like his lab. He felt exposed in that moment, even when no one could see him.

"Be in danger," he said in earnest.

There was some rustling, then the sound of wind on her end. He barely heard a sliding door shut.

"Come here," she told him firmly. 

His eyes went wide. "What?" he questioned, stupefied.

She sighed, "No more lying, Bo—Don—I don't know. If what we have really matters to you…"

A mix of emotions swirled in him as he waited for her words. She hesitated.

"I'll come," he whispered, finishing her sentence. 

"You'll come." 

Blowing a breath out from between his lips, and nodded. Sorry, Master Splinter. 

He snuck through the Lair to the exit of the sewers.

[mrlnsfrt]

Lessons I'm Learning

As I am writing this I am currently transitioning from pastoring a church in Valdosta, Georgia to pastoring a church in Boise, Idaho. I have been studying John 14 with my church here in Valdosta and reflecting on Jesus’ words of comfort and encouragement that He shared with His disciples. Even though I am sure that God is leading in this move, it has not been easy. I am tired and have often felt overwhelmed. But I keep turning to the words of Jesus recorded in John 14. I have also been reflecting on the big lessons I have learned in ministry and life so far.

Quick Review of John 14:19-31

Jesus’ life is connected to our hope of eternal life. Because Jesus lives we can secure in the assurance that we also will live.

Having and keeping the commandments and the word of Jesus is deeply connected to loving Jesus and witnessing His revelation.

The Father will send the Helper, the Holy Spirit to teach and remind Jesus’ followers what He taught them.

Jesus gives us His peace and we should not let our hearts be troubled or afraid.

Jesus tells us what is going to happen before it does so that when it does happen we may believe in Him.

Because Jesus loves the Father He obeys the commandments of the Father.

Takeaway

What I take away from John 14:19-31 is that Jesus never abandons His followers. When Jesus left He left us His word and his commandments (I believe these two are essentially the same) and the Father sent the Holy Spirit to teach and remind Jesus’ disciples of the things Jesus said. I believe the same promise holds true to us today.

I am convinced that the Holy Spirit is available to us today to teach us all things and to bring to our remembrance all thing things that Jesus said.

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. - John 14:26 NKJV

To me, it is clear that the secret to our spiritual success lies in receiving the Holy Spirit. Only then can we better understand Jesus and remember His words and keep his commandments. All the things we must do we can only do with the power of the Holy Spirit.

Studying this brought to mind what seem to be two essential lessons I am learning.

Lesson 1: Pray, especially for the Holy Spirit.

Never stop praying. - 1 Thessalonians 5:17 New Living Translation

One lesson that I began to learn early in life is that prayer is important. This is the one lesson I keep re-learning in life, and I believe it is one of the most important things I do. If I am not careful, become discouraged because of my feelings of weakness and powerlessness. I often wish I had more money, I wish I had more knowledge, I wish I had more power, more strength, or whatever it is I need to be able to solve the problems of those around me. Then I remember that it is not my job to solve everyone’s problem. I can’t even solve my own problems.

I do not mean this as an excuse not to help those we are able to help. I say this to prevent you from burning out trying to accomplish something that’s not for you to accomplish. Jesus is the One who saves. God has all the power, not us. We are not Jr. Holy Spirit. We should pray, we should pray for people, we should pray with people, we should point them to Jesus. Jesus is the answer. We are His hand and feet (1 Corinthians 12 we are the body of Christ) and we should be a blessing in the lives of those around us, but we are also humans and have our limitations. Our limitations should not keep us from doing anything. We can all at least pray, and through prayer, we can do more than we could ever possibly hope to accomplish by our own strength.

Pray especially for the Holy Spirit

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” -Luke 11:13 NKJV

Jesus essentially tells us to ask for the Holy Spirit. Jesus tells us that the Father is willing to give the Holy Spirit to those who ask, so ask! Ask every day! Ask multiple times a day. I take this promise to heart and I pray this prayer often. I pray it because I feel a desperate need for more strength, for more wisdom and understanding, for more power to preach and teach and help and do all that I can to point others to Jesus and to reveal the character of Jesus in my own life.

I strongly believe that all the success I experienced with the Park Avenue Seventh-day Adventist Church in Valdosta, Georgia, is because of our prayer meetings and the prayers we have around the table with all the members of the church board every time we have a board meeting. I believe in prayer and we have a church board that believes in prayer.

I have enjoyed God’s blessings because I have a church and friends and family who continually pray for me and pray for God to fill me with the Holy Spirit. I don’t deserve it, but God does not bless us according to what we deserve, but rather according to His grace and His mercies and His power and His will.

It is not because of any restriction on the part of God that the riches of His grace do not flow earthward to men. If the fulfillment of the promise is not seen as it might be, it is because the promise is not appreciated as it should be. If all were willing, all would be filled with the Spirit. - Acts of the Apostles p50

Pray for wisdom

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. - James 1:5 NKJV

Another promise that I claim regularly is this one. God tells us to pray for wisdom. We are told we will receive liberally, without reproach. Why not ask? I ask all the time.

Lesson 2: Persevere

The Bible has a lot to say about perseverance.

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. -Galatians 6:9 NKJV

Show Up!

One of the ways that I understand perseverance is simply showing up. So many seem to believe that change happens in a big flashy event. It has been my experience that the biggest changes happen gradually over time.

Spiritual growth, like many other things in life, does not take place overnight. Sure, the high events are a great blessing. Many times we experience it when we first give our hearts to Jesus or the day we are baptized. Other times it happens at the conclusion of revival meetings or a week or prayer or an evangelistic series. But life is not made up of high moments. Going to a concert of your favorite Christian musician is a great experience but it does not generate lasting change and growth by itself.

Lasting change, continual growth, comes from showing up daily. Show up for prayer. By this I mean when your eyes pop open in the morning, the first thing you should do is pray. Thank God for another day of life. Ask God to fill you with the Holy Spirit. Ask God for wisdom. Talk to God about your day, what are you excited about? What are you worried about? Tell God all about your day.

Show up for Bible study. You should be studying the Bible every day. You may call this your daily devotional. This is when you allow the word of God to challenge you, to fill your thoughts, to shape your decisions. Reading the Bible reminds you that you have bigger goals than worldly wealth and power. You have greater values than just physical pleasure. You remind yourself that you serve a mighty and powerful God, you remind yourself that eternal life is yours in Jesus. From there you go to live a life that reflects the character of the God you serve.

You show up for worship, to be spiritually fed, to be challenged, to serve, to teach, to bless. We come to church for all those reasons. In serving, in teaching, in helping, we grow. Also when we make God and worship a priority, we remind ourselves that this is important. We tell ourselves that we value God and His will for our lives when we stop everything and come together to worship and study. Christianity is meant to be experienced as a community. It is important to belong, to be involved, to contribute, to volunteer. Because that is how we grow.

Show up, be responsible, be reliable, have clear priorities, and make God your top priority. Now live like it. Determine in your heart to show up for God. Do it at church, but also at home, at school, and even in your downtime.

Show up for God regularly and you will grow spiritually.

Don not wait for a big opportunity to do something amazing, rather do your best each day with every small opportunity that presents itself to you.

The key is to yield ourselves daily to God, so that He may make us vessels fit for His use. Every day we should be improving the opportunities for service that lie within our reach. Daily we ought to be witnessing for the Master wherever we may be, whether in some humble sphere of influence in the home or in a public field of usefulness.

Don’t give up

in the hope rejoicing; in the tribulation enduring; in the prayer persevering; - Romans 12:12 Literal Standard Version

I really appreciate the Literal Standard Verison of Romans 12:12. It is a simple reminder of how we ought to live our lives. We rejoice in our hope, we endure tribulations, and we pray continually.

Seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually. - 1 Chronicles 16:11 NASB

Don’t stop seeking God and His strength. We are not able to do it on our own. We are not meant to do it on our own. We are to seek God and His strength. He is the One who gives us the victories.

Finally, my favorite Bible passage that I often turn to and the one that keeps me from giving up.

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? 33 Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”

37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:31-38 NKJV

This passage keeps me from giving up because it reminds me that nothing can separate me from the love of God. The way I see it, the only way I lose is if I give up. I know for sure that God won’t give up on me. So I just have to live one day at a time, take one step at a time, just keep showing up, because I know I can count on God to show up.

[demyrie]

I've seen you talk a lot about love language, and it's something I'm slowly but steadily learning. I have a question about it! What can you do if you know someone who has a very incompatible love language with you, or who reacts poorly to your love language? Multiple times now I've had friends who would get almost hostile towards my ways of showing care, and its so upsetting to me that i sometimes stop being friends with them. It then makes it hard for me to show my love to other people (1/2)

Oh what a wonderful question. I adorelove languages as a concept, because they’re as diverse as the peoplewho “speak” them. Which might be why ... this definitely turned into an essay.

First off, sweet thing!! I’m sorry tohear that you’re getting that kind of reaction from your displays ofaffection! It can be really, really discouraging to be brave and openup to somebody, or offer affection, and get backlash or a negativeresponse … it does teach us that maybe there’s something wrong with what we’re doing, but you have to remember what dialect of love languagepeople are coming from and what your affection might “look” liketo them out of context.

Speaking Across Love Languages: It’sKind of Like the Dog and the Potato!

In case you haven’t seen this wonderfulthing that originated on tumblr, it’s a therapy dog who brings her crying person a potato, andit’s crushed hearts around the internet because of this generalhilarious sentiment: I don’t need it, but thanks it means the world inthis awful, awful moment.

And it’s funny, because animals offertheir love or care language and while it often doesn’t translate(thank you cat but I did not want this dead worm? Ok?), we are ableto gush and cry and appreciate the pure and whole effort itself,in and out of context, because “they don’t know any better”or “they’re just doing them dude” but we don’t offer the sameunderstanding to the people in our lives.

People learn affection in differentways and it differs greatly based on not only culture, but all theabundances and lackings you’ve experienced in life. We are programmedfrom an early age to value what we value, when oxytocin is runninghot through our developing little brains and wiring it with themental-emotional-chemical definition of LOVE that will follow usthrough our days, for better or worse. It can make both giving and accepting affectioncomplicated.

What Matters to You?

Make no mistake, many walk on this Earth without a clue what their love language is. To some that come from physicallyaffectionate households, cuddling and physical closeness is theheight of comfort. I love a good hug and I cuddle like a champ. Topeople who come from homes where they were rarely touched, however,being given a Classic American Comfort Hug might invoke anxiety …or they might crave it more than anything because they never had itwhile young.

To others, maybe their parents madethem food when they were sad and so cooking and the effort of itmakes them feel loved and cherished (see: my dude). To some, likemy dad, valuing someone’s time is the greatest sign of respect, andif you showed up late for something you may as well have spit in hisface. Conversely, the most important thing to these folks is justDOING things together. Doesn’t matter what, just time, and time spenttogether, is what matters, which perplexes Personalized Affectionpeople like me, who are left wondering why the fuck dad asked me tocome to home depot with him with no explanation because he’s takingtime away from the gift picture I was drawing for him???? which by the wayhe won’t show “proper” appreciation for, because really he justwanted to lurk around home depot with me. 

(My dad is weird.)

Love Language and Miscommunications

So, something bad happens, we wantcomfort, and the people around us don’t respond the way we want themto. They don’t hug us, or say what we want them to say, and we takeit super personally and feel jilted or abandoned. We think, whyaren’t they comforting me, why are they purposefully ignoring ordenying me, without considering that people learn and enact comfortin different ways and under no circumstances can they read your mindand desires.

(I’m gonna share an epithet from Rae andmy struggles, as I’m sure she won’t mind.)

There was a time in Undergrad when @rainbowstarbirdrealized, in the process of discovering that we were indeed quitefucking depressed and mentally ill, that we were living in completelydifferent worlds. Our repressed personal problems fit together like avery awful tessellation of trauma that dug deeper and deeper withevery year: I feared being smothered and controlled and she fearedbeing abandoned, so every time I pulled away in fear, she ran forwardin fear, with both of us having no idea why we were getting so angryat each other, or why we felt like we were constantly in danger despite beinghonors students and on scholarship and good life and affordable housing and etc etc.

My comforting love language has alwaysbeen providing things for people and taking care of their physicalbodies. We were still struggling to be friends through all this and Ialso leaned heavily on my role as caretaker in order to divertattention from my own pain, so if Rae was upset, I would make herfood or tea or just ask if she was hungry. Rae, on the other hand,dissociates severely when triggered and the only thing that cananchor her is physical touch, and her top priority is having a lovedone sit and spend time with her to prove she’s not alone and hated.

Worst Case Scenario: Lost inTranslation

I come in and Rae is a lump on thecouch. The air is thick with some kind of tension, which Iimmediately interpret as personal resentment and I get triggered as shit bythe ongoing mental tape of everything you do isn’t enough, but I recognizethat she isn’t feeling good. I ask her if she’s hungry. She says no,and doesn’t say anything further because she’s afraid of being needyand giving me the chance to deny her and confirm her fears that yes i hate her okay bye. I, at a loss, say I’m gonnamake her tea, because I want to take care of her in some way.

So I head into the kitchen and leaveher alone and suffering on the couch, saying, in her language, that Idon’t care about her one goddamn bit. I come back with a mug ofuseless caffeine that she didn’t need, which she doesn’t drink, whichupsets me because she’s refusing my love language, which makes mefuck right off to my bedroom to fume because well I tried,leaving her alone again. Everyone suffers. And I mean everyone.

(so much suffering)

What the Hell Happened?

She prioritized time, which I wasn’tgiving her, because I didn’t just want to sit on the couch next toher and be awkward and useless, I wanted to help her (ie: do something for her).I prioritized actions and gestures, which she saw as incidentalthings, human shrapnel, and rejected because she had no use for themwhile so deep in her own belief that she wasn’t loved because Iwouldn’t even sit next to her and keep her company while she was obviously in pain. 

See how fuckedthat is? We were not only failing to speak one another’s languages, but our actual languages ended up triggering each other. Bad. Bad!!!!

Now, the first thing I do is ask if shewants a hug! I tell her I will sit with her for as long as she needs,whether we’re playing video games or whatever, and reaffirm that Ilove her and value her. Now, when I’m in a State, she’ll ask if I’veeaten, because she knows the first thing I do when I start dipping isskipping meals to punish myself. She brings me tea and badgers meabout food, and of course cuddles me to kingdom come, and mostimportantly she smartly, altruistically, and respectfully asks mewhat would make me feel loved in that moment, and goddamn if that doesn’t make me feel loved in and of itself.

Becoming Fluent in Another’s LoveLanguage

The key is realizing your companions’love language and understanding how it fits into your own, if itdoes. If your partner’s language differs from yours, you can eitherappeal to them using their love language or try to recognize how whatthey’re doing for you expresses their values and try to be cognizantof those actions. In my mind, taking the effort to learn yourpartner’s love language is the height of devotion and appreciationand wooing.

It is such a powerful thing to say“this makes me feel loved!” or “This is really important to me,which is why I thought you might like it!” It feels … selfish,almost, or egotistical, but with affection you are offering ofyourself. There’s room for you to be involved!

And there is no “wrong” way to loveor show affection! The only way things go wrong is if your unmetexpectations are hurting you, in which case you might need toreevaluate either where those expectations came from or the personyou’re with and the way they treat you (EX: wanting someone to checkin with you 20 times a day with “i love you you amazing creature”texts is on a different level of expectations from I would like mypartner to listen to me when I talk and she doesn’t, am I beingoutrageous?) or if the person you’re wooing is upset by the wayyou’re showing affection. For instance, some people don’t like hugs,and it takes two to hug, and sometimes it just bes like that. Find what makes them feel loved (which is also something you are comfortable and happy doing)!

It may take a little bit ofnegotiation, and it’s difficult at first whenever enacting somebody’slove language doesn’t “do” it for you, and of course youshouldn’t force yourself to do something that feels gross to you toplease another person (nononononononono), but we are very plastic, trainable creatures.I get what I call feedback happiness whenever I do something I knowmeans the world to Rae, even if it doesn’t push my buttons, and shetakes pride in knowing that I like tea when I’m sad, etc, and that inthose moments my love language takes priority because I’m in need, and that I’m worth it. 

Effort is love, sometimes. Most times, really, but the high is worthit :)

All This to Say: Get Talking!

It definitely sounds like there’s somebarriers or misunderstandings between you and those you’d like to befriends with … I remember back in the day, glomping was the heightof affection theatre and I fucking hated it (v sensitive about my neck and also fast motions and loud noises), but didn’t know how toask my friends to stop because I thought it was that or They Hate Me. I don’t believe there’s anyone you “justcan’t be friends with”, but you do have to sit back at a certainpoint and ask yourself if any relationship is fulfilling you enoughto continue it. If you aren’t finding pleasure and excitement in thebond or there’s no good compromise/effort between you to work on it,it may not be a priority to pursue.

So, I’d ask my friends – hey, youknow last time I did X, I wasn’t trying to scare you or make youuncomfortable. I guess I wanted to become closer, and that’s whatcloser means to me. Is there a way I can show you affection thatdoesn’t throw you off? What do you like to do? What makes you feelspecial? (Because I would like to make you feel special.) Encouragethem to talk about what they like and let them understand that you’re willing to go out of your way to communicate your love in a way they’ll Feel and Hear, and there’s pretty much no better feeling in the world than knowing someone likes you like that.

I’m sorry this turned into an essaybut!!! Important!!! I wish you the best of luck my love, know thatthere’s nothing wrong with you or how you relate, but that relatingtakes two, and takes time! Seek to understand what might be stopping them from seeing your affection for what it is, and come up with a compromise or shared language you CAN utilize. 

I hope this increases your happiness and worth and makes you feel great because thats what friendships should do! Murr!

[mtnkat3]

7.57pm

DOne, DPOne & Alll... my Love/s. I never said I'd be easy to love. But I dang sure will be essential! Yes, I struggle. Until I am free of the fatsuit God protected me with, I will continue to be. And yes, my Love/s... I am Your vixen... and the moment I get to see Your/Alll's eyes growling "Mine" to me... will be the day my life begins. Because the Celine song... its tooo much like giving up right now. And I will never give up on You DOne. Nor on DPOne or Alll. I will do what You Alll show me each of You Alll want me to do. I am listening & observing DOne. I just didn't see Your beard, nor physique anywhere. [Mostly large family groups of foreigners. Yes, more trees please! I probably have encountered more rude than nice... but I keep trying!] Grant you bright sunlight is blinding to me. So as I go thru the pics again I'm seeing more details. I also believe that You all are probably having some fun, which makes me smile. I only want to be with You. Bowed. I want to meet everyone You Alll care about. They are all important to each of You/Alll, so they are important to me. Yes, words matter. I want to be honest & open & raw with You Alll though. It is important. Especially in our type of dynamic. And everything we each have been thru. Both together & individually. We alll have struggles, but I for one think that when we deal with them together we are stronger. Why I am hurt & confused, sad & scared by each of You Alll being silent. Especially now. When I am free. And I am here DOne! And I come to find You DPOne after I check out tomorrow. It's nearly 500 miles so I'm expecting either 11pm arriving or later. I just knew I had a finite timeframe here. Vacation vs residence. I just want... Alll together??? It does puzzle me. But I know I'll get no answers until I am face to face with You/Alll. Just... DOne... I love You. I will not give up. Ever. I really am trying... striving... working... to understand why .... this... the tests. I know it's to prove myself. I get that part. But what am I amiss on? Is there a change within the dynamic that I'm unaware of? I have grasped the friendship part. But know that I have very few. And its different for me. I have been... southern upbringing restrained. Genteel even? Very careful with interactions. Best way I can think to describe it. I'm really pushing myself to say hello to people here, & not be discouraged by being shot down by rudeness. I don't know what else to do DOne. Alll those rooms are dark. And I am not here to watch tv. I haven't cut it on at all. Barely eating & sleeping because I care more about You & getting this right than I do about such things! Welll...t...stop your ramblings girl.

Essentially...

I love You DOne.

I love You DPOne & Alll tooo.

I am putting Alll of myself into this because I love You/Alll & You/Alll are everything to me.

Show me. Lead me. Guide me. Teach me. Mold me.

I love You/Alll like crazy. 🎶

Whimpering softly... my Love/s...

Bowed. Into a ball.

Your's/s'.

🔱💖🐻💓🦌💝⚜♠️🗝🧩♾⚓🙏🙇‍♀️🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌻🌹🌷🌳🧶🧵🔆🌠⚡🌂🔗☔🌎🎯🧭🕯💡🛰☎️🔥♨️🚀🎶💋

Fr.8.12.2022 9.00pm

[strawberry-milktea]

(1) I don't know if you've struggled with this before but have you ever wondered how you could use your talents in a career that would help others and do God's work? I'm at a difficult point in my life right now. I think what I'm best at is languages. I was raised bilingual in Spanish and English, and majored in Asian Studies with a concentration in Japanese language. I mostly use the first two languages (Spanish with my family, and English because I live in the USA).

(2) My dream was to get a job after graduation where I’d be able to use Japanese since I was super passionate about it. Things didn’t go as planned because I don’t live in an area with many Japanese speakers. I tried looking into things like internships outside my state and country, but then… some bad things happened. First, I had to undergo surgery for a condition I didn’t even know I had. It was a very scary experience, and I feel like a lot of my emotional problems stem from it.    (3) Then, my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer, and had to undergo two surgeries. She also has severe Alzheimer’s and can’t do many things on her own. I’m her main caretaker since my parents can’t give up their jobs, and I don’t work, so my mom puts me in charge of her while my parents are at work. A lot of other difficult things happened. I don’t have friends because everyone moved on, got jobs elsewhere, got married, etc. while I’m just at home the majority of the time.(4) I get debilitating panic attacks, and there have been times when I’ve not wanted to live anymore because I feel so sad and useless. I feel like at one point, people had high hopes for me, and then I disappointed everyone. It’s been about four years since I took my last Japanese class. Even though my online friends come to me for help with translating things like manga dialogue or Jpop lyrics, I don’t know if my Japanese is even good enough to use for something like a real job anymore.            (5) Also, some medications I was put on to keep my health under control make me light-headed as a side effect, so I sometimes feel slower and more brain-foggy than I was when I was taking classes. I’ve lost confidence in my learning abilities compared to how fast I would learn stuff before. I feel like I’ve been so stagnant these past few years. And it’s hard when I don’t have a support system of friends. I love God. I put a lot of faith in God, I pray every day, and I know He cares about me.    (6, last message) But I still feel lost. I haven’t had luck with finding a job, even part-time jobs that have nothing to do with Japanese. It’s hard. It’s just tough convincing myself that I haven’t messed up, and that there still might be hope for me. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you but I was wondering if maybe you could give me suggestions on how I could possibly start fixing myself so that I can be of more use to God. Also, prayers for me and my family would be appreciated. Thank you so much.      —Hi there,You aren’t bothering me! I apologize for taking so long to respond to this. First thing I want to address in this message is you say it’s hard convincing yourself that you haven’t messed up.. Why do you feel your career going differently than planned is a result of you messing up? You couldn’t help that there were not any job opportunities in your area and that you needed surgery that set you back in terms of looking for jobs.. Generally speaking, being unemployed and searching in the job market is a tough spot for anyone to be in, regardless of which career it is. The job market has been difficult for quite sometime now.. I remember when I was between jobs, it was hard to just get an interview and a chance to prove myself, so the idea of actually getting the job can feel very discouraging nowadays. This isn’t your fault.. people who are qualified for jobs have difficulty finding them simply because the job market is saturated and there is competition. A lot of times, people know someone on the inside who puts a good word in for them and that’s how they get their foot in the door. You shouldn’t feel like it’s your fault that it’s been difficult to find work. Honestly, find comfort in the fact that you are certainly not alone in this struggle. I have definitely struggled with wondering how God could use me for His work in the career I went to college for. Like I mentioned above, there was a period of time I was out of work because the job I had been promised for after graduation fell through due to budget cuts. During the period when I was between jobs, there was a long stretch of time where I wasn’t getting any interviews and I fell into a very negative mindset. I was feeling angry with myself and completely discouraged, wanting to give up on the career I worked so many years for. The enemy was really doing a number on me during that time and I kept telling myself, “This is useless, I don’t even understand how He could use a career in healthcare to spiritually help people. I wasted all those years in college on something I can’t even find a job for and won’t even help people spiritually and give me chances to do His work.” But in His timing (and there was a good period of waiting I had to do), He opened the right doors for me and once He did, things fell into place effortlessly. I saw clearer how every door I tried to force open in my own will didn’t open because He had a reason. He wanted me a certain place in the time He set for it, and the ones I was trying to push for in my own power weren’t it. And in hindsight, I realized He was protecting me - because I later found out one of the places I had been interviewed for and thought was a serious possibility was a really unhealthy work environment that I would have been very unhappy in. Instead, when He opened the doors, I ended up in work environment where I could truly flourish and learn. I have coworkers who are caring and teach me what they know and in turn, I teach the people who come after me what I learn. I’ve built my confidence and became more independent in my job, in ways I never thought were possible because I trusted Him to do the work in me where I was unsure and scared. I came to realize that you don’t have to work in a church to be able to do His work. It brings me joy to show my coworkers love and help them when they need it. I know how much it means to me when people help me when I’m overwhelmed by a large workload or am facing something that is confusing to me, so I’m more than happy to return that favor. I hope when I show them that care and love coming from my heart, that they can see Christ’s love in me. I’ve learned that you can show Christ’s love by being there for people when they feel comfortable enough to open up to you during a quiet moment at work about something going on in their personal lives. I show love for the patients I’m playing a role in helping during their time of medical need by treating them as I would my own family. And I wouldn’t have ever thought ahead of time that it was possible at work, but He has opened opportunities for me to witness for Christ by sharing His Word with a coworker I befriended who opened up to me about emotional pains and regrets he has been dealing with for many years. I’ve written down quite a bit of scripture for him and even got to give him a Bible. This experience taught me that He has work for us in any setting, even settings we may think are the least likely.I understand that there are many factors that pose challenges for you in your situation, but always remember that all things are possible with Christ. Your mom has likely put you in charge of taking care of your grandmother since you are still out of work, but I am guessing that if you were to find a job, she would work with you to make arrangements so that you can start putting your career in motion? If you are concerned about your grandmother having proper care when you find a job, I would suggest to definitely talk with your mom about this. Regarding the panic attacks, I can only imagine how upsetting that must be to deal with, but it doesn’t mean you won’t be able to find and hold a job.. same applies to your loss of confidence in learning abilities. It’s very easy to be fearful that you can’t do it when you haven’t done something for a long time. I’ve been there, I know that scary feeling. But once you get into the routine of a new job, you will see it’s not as frightening as you think it is. Your confidence will grow with each passing day as you see yourself doing what you thought was impossible. Find peace in the fact that panic attacks and lack of confidence are not too big for our God to handle. Trust that He can and will carry you through this!I hope reading about my experience encourages you with the truth that God can and will provide opportunities at your future job for you to do His work.. even while you are waiting to find a job, you are still doing His work by taking care of your grandmother. Taking care of a sick person is something that requires a lot of dedication, love, and sacrifice. It’s not an easy job and is definitely not something that everyone is cut out for. It’s honestly very admirable that you are able to do this! So don’t lose sight of that.I will pray for you and your family.. Don’t lose hope and seek Him for guidance as to what steps you should take next. I hope this has been helpful to you and if there’s anything else you want to talk about, please feel free to message me!

[rottinghollows]

Episode 014: An Encounter with JordanCargiulo

Producers are often the unsung heros of many tracks. Some are hardly known, and even moreso are hardly credited. I like getting to know everyone across the board here in the underground, and I find producers and behind-the-scenes kind of people sometimes as interesting as vocal artists. Joining me today is Jordan Cargiulo, a young producer with a very distinct and chill sound to his work. Our interview is below, but be sure to check out his twitter and soundcloud, and give him a follow on both platforms. One thing I want to note is the brevity of this interview, while I did enjoy it, more could've been done on my end to have a fuller interview, so in the future, all short interviews are entitled a followup. As always, enjoy!

RH: Welcome, care to give an introduction for those reading today? Is Jordan Cargiulo your actual name?

JC: Yeah, my name is Jordan, I'm an 18 year old from Milwuakee, Wisconsin. It's technically not my name, for right now at least. I'm in the process of getting my last name legally changed to Cargiulo because that's my mother's last name and I don't speak to my father.

RH: How would you describe your music? It has a pretty chill but somber tone to it.

JC: Yeah, that's what I've been going for lately. I've always like more emotional music rather than the typical hype/trap stuff; I like to cut out a lot of higher frequencies in my music too, I've always loved chill/melodic/lo-fi sounds.

RH: Is your music ever planned out when you produce it or is it all spontaneous? Do you ever work on tracks high?

JC: It's kind of a combination of both, when I'm making it I feel in the moment creating each individual sound, but I already have somewhat of a pre-determined sound i'm going for. Every now and again I'll add a few sounds to a beat after I've smoked, but generally I like to finish tracks when I'm sober.

RH: At what point in time did you realize producing music was for you? Did you ever feel discouraged?

JC: I think I've always had interest in it, I used to play guitar when i was around 10 or 11 (just started picking that back up again), and when I started listening to a lot of underground hip hop i fell in love with the beats the artists used just as much as their lyrics. I never wanted to be a rapper and I’ve always been into nerdy shit on the computer so I figured I’d teach myself to make beats, and to answer the second question I'd say around this time last year I was a bit discouraged because I was having a hard time finding my sound, but I eventually did and now I always try to keep a positive outlook on my music.

RH: What can you say about Detatched Collective and your involvement in it?

JC: Detached is a music collective my other producer homie Unrefined and I started a few months ago. Right now it’s just me and him building it from the ground up but we want to start getting more producers and artists to join soon. I also don’t want it to just be a music collective forever, eventually I want to branch out with it and start making clothes and other types of art. That’s actually part of the reason I go by my actual name as a producer as well, I want to branch out in the future and be known for more than just music.

RH: What are your plans this year if I can ask?

JC: Right now I'm working on Detatched, my own personal music, trying to sell beats/get placements, and building more connections in the underground.

RH: Before we close up, what would you say your endgame is overall?

JC: I want to build Detatched into an empire. I want to spark a new sound in the underground, and make a new wave entirely.

RH: Got any final words/shoutouts to give?

JC: Thanks again for the interview man, Shoutout to Detatched, Unrefined, and to Jakob.

Links

JordanCargiulo

Twitter

Soundcloud

Traktrain

Unrefined

Twitter

Soundcloud

Traktrain

Next Episode: trrm

[leonawriter]

The Paladin Shuffle

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Characters: Lance, Keith, Hunk, Pidge

Pairings: none.

Summary: It takes a mission that could have almost ended in failure to bring up the fact that maybe they hadn't shifted into the right places with Shiro's absence. Lance just thinks he's being rightfully in disbelief at how bad Keith was at being their leader. The others seem to see things in a different light.

Notes: I read Lance as ADHD and Keith as autistic.

...

They get out of their Lions more in an exhausted heap than anything, Coran still too busy flying the Castle away and out of harm's way to come meet them in the hangar. 

Keith leans heavily against Black, watching as Lance marches out of Red with purpose, their armour at odds with their Lions in Shiro's absence.

"What the hell were you thinking? Keith, if you're going to be the leader, you don't just - you don't rush off on your own like that without telling everyone else what's happening! That's, like, Leadership 101!"

Hunk, in the other hangar, makes an impressed sound.

"Wow. I didn't think you actually listened to any of that stuff. Good job, Lance!"

Keith just glares at him. Too tired from the fight to do much else, it looked like.

"I knew what I was doing."

In any other situation, Lance would roll his eyes, or make a point of it. Score one for Lance. But right now-

"No, you didn't! I had to bail the team out, Keith! Me! Seriously, the basic things you learn first are listen to the team and know what's going on, and don't just strike out on your own, and you failed all of them! Like, where were you, because some of those classes are mandatory for anyone from second year on, starting from around-"

Lance cut off his tirade, as the answer explained itself, his eyes widening as he realised what had happened, and what he'd said.

Pidge and Hunk weren't saying anything, now. Allura made a quick comment about going up to the control room to make sure things were going well and they could wormhole away if needed, and then there was radio silence again.

Awkward radio silence.

He sighed, releasing some of the tension, and reached up to scratch an itch on his cheek through his helmet.

Of course he wasn't there for Leadership 101. Or the rest of the year. Keith flunked out before any of that started. He just didn't take those classes. He isn't just a hothead - he doesn't know.

No, wait, that's not right, is it? What was it Iverson was always saying? Discipline issue. And... now that I think about it, that was probably because of Shiro then, too. 

"Look," Keith is saying now, and Lance swallows, hoping he hasn't just caused some kind of fracture in the team because of his big mouth, because that's the last thing Team Voltron needs right now. "I get it, okay? I'm not the best leader. I didn't exactly want this in the first place. But Shiro wanted me to do this, so I'm trying."

"And we get that," Hunk interjects, and Lance can just see the placating hands in his mind's eyes. "Really, we do. But it's not like Lance doesn't have a point either."

Keith sighs, the anger seeping out of him more and more, but looking alarmingly discouraged. 

Alarmingly, because the last time Lance had seen the guy like this, it was right after he'd come back from that Blade of Marmora place with a bombshell to drop, looking just as much like he was about to drop as anything.

"You're not doing a bad job," Pidge adds. "You're probably doing as well as any of us would."

For a moment it almost looks like Keith has fallen asleep leaning against the Lion's face, but then Lance sees his fist clench.

"Keith? C'mon. It could've gone worse. We're all back here alive, we saved the day, everything went well. Kind of. It's a learning curve for all of us - hey, what're you- are you laughing at me?"

Because he was. Keith was laughing. It'd started with his shoulders shaking, and only after that did Keith move so that Lance could see that he was smiling. 

"N-no? Seriously, I'm not laughing at you. Okay, I sort of am, but it's just-" Keith went back to laughing, this time even going as far as making sounds. Lance crossed his arms, unimpressed and waiting for it to stop. He was fine with being laughed at, as long as he knew why, and he was the one who'd told the joke. Not being the butt of the joke. "You keep going on about what a leader should be, and I keep thinking, 'so why isn't it you, then?' You already know what to do, Lance."

Lance blinked, surprised. And then he stared. 

Whatever he'd been expecting - a barb, some scathing remark - it hadn't been that.

Hunk snorted over the comms, breaking the moment.

"You know, I was going to ask if you were serious, because this is Lance we're talking about. But then I realised that you're you, and you're still figuring out the whole sense of humour thing, so you probably are. So, I thought about it, and hey! If you think it's a good idea..."

Lance's mind was starting to wonder if he'd somehow ended up in one of Slav's alternate realities. Because this? Wasn't happening. 

He was the one who was the least likely to end up as leader. Keith was cool - he was their best pilot. It'd only made sense that he'd ended up in the role, that Shiro had chosen him. 

And now-

"And we could always defer back to someone else if it doesn't end up working and we're in the middle of a mission," Pidge says, continuing from where Hunk left off. "After all, we're a team, aren't we? But Keith's got a good point. Which I never thought I'd say, because I still remember how you always used to crash the sims back in the Garrison, but- well. This isn't the Garrison anymore. And you're actually a lot better at directing people than you think, Lance."

"Only if that's what you're okay with too," Keith says, finally starting to move, though it looks like he's favouring his left side - probably from that time his Lion was hit - but it probably wasn't anything too major. If it was, they'd have him in a healing pod whether he liked it or not.

"I... dunno," Lance says, shrugging. "How about we bring it up with Allura first? It involves her too, right?"

"She approved me leading the team after Shiro disappeared even though we'd had our... differences, for a while. I really don't think there'll be a problem as long as everyone's in agreement."

...

AN: This is based on a few thoughts I've had - I've been reading posts on how Lance is actually showing a lot of leadership qualities, and talking about it, and then I remembered that at one point, I'd actually been on a leadership course as a cadet in something, and realised that the Garrison likely teaches their cadets in a more classroom environment. 

Hunk's comment about Keith's sense of humour is based on how my own is kind of... something I grew into, rather than something that came naturally. He's not being mean.