#so now i had to pull stuff outta my ass to make the plot lines connect n shit

[an-theduckin]

Btw ik it's been a rlly long time since I've updated the a day in the life of mark fanfic (it's been 1 month and 5 days) but I'm fr working on it alr it's just cuz writers block + imposter syndrome + the first few chapters after chapter 10 being the most confusing ass chapters ever n I'm still tryna figure out out to do the pacing of them n stuff. I'm rlly genuinely sorry it's taken this long I didn't think that would happen it was only supposed to be like a 2 week break. So yeag I'm really sorry about that

[writingsofspn]

The Same - Sam Winchester x Fem!Reader

You and Dean go to check out a storage unit that supposedly has some weapons and supplies against the supernatural. You get covered in something that makes men see you as their idea of the most beautiful woman in the world - but who does Sam see?

A/N: I know, more Sam Winchester! Sorry:) This drabble is a lot of Dean x Platonic!Reader so I’m sorry for that but I thought the plot worked better that way for Sam to be in it at the end, so sorry if Sam isn’t in it enough for you!

Dean Version

(basically the same story line, just a different character!)

Y/N = Your Name

Warnings: misogynistic men, Sam being an adorable human

I pictured season 3 or 4 Sam in this if that helps:)

—————————

“A trip to some voodoo storage locker? Yeah, no thanks Dean. Sounds like it could bring all sorts of trouble.” You said, not looking up from the book you were reading.

Dean had heard word that there was some storage locker just outside the city you were in, containing all sorts of bewitched objects and weapons. Last time you went to a voodoo locker, Sam lost his shoe and almost died from touching that damn rabbit’s foot. You really didn’t want something like that to happen again.

“Oh c’mon Y/N. Let’s go while Sammy is seeing his old college buddies. He won’t be back till tonight which means we got the whole day to kill. Please.” He sat down next to you on the bed and pouted, blinking his gorgeous eyes slowly. You pursed your lips and rolled your eyes. Who could resist that?

“Mmhh okay fine. I don’t want to be long though Dean.” You gave in, putting your book down.

“Yes!” Dean leapt up with his fist in the air.

Child. You thought.

—————————-

“Yo. This place is so weird.” Dean said, in awe as you both walked around the storage locker. Jars of liquids and objects that were all sorts of colours lined the shelves. Weapons were bolted to the walls and strange boxes with symbols scrawled on them littered the floor.

“Dean, there’s nothing here. Let’s just go.” You moaned, picking up a strange-looking jar of bright purple liquid.

“Y/N, please. Lemme look around, we might find some new stuff. I don’t know, I just know that there’s gotta be something useful in here.” Dean shouted from the back of the room. You tried to find him, weaving your way in and out of the rows of shelving units. What you didn’t know was that you were very close to Dean, in fact he was practically next to you.

“Dean?” You shouted.

“Yeah?” Dean replied, not having to shout as he was literally behind you. You jumped, thinking he was much further away than he actually was. You stumbled back and hit a shelf. It rattled and a jar on the top tipped over and the contents sprinkled all over you.

“Hey. Hey. You okay?” Dean said whilst laughing as you brushed whatever was all over you off.

Was that glitter?

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just thought you were further than you were.” You giggled a bit, shaking your head and smiling. “Can we get outta here now?”

“Yeah, lets go. I got this knife that I think looks cool. I found some bullets too, could be useful.” Dean replied, holding up what he found.

“Ok, let’s go then.” You went to turn around but stopped when you didn’t hear Dean moving behind you. “Hey, are you not coming?” You asked, putting your hands on your hips. Dean looked like he’d just seen a ghost.

“What?” You asked.

“Y/N. You don’t look like...Y/N.” Dean said slowly, his eyes wide.

“Dean, what do you mean? What are you talking about?” You made a face, looking down at your body. You looked the same.

“Y/N, you look like Cindy Morgan...you look exactly like Cindy Morgan.” Dean said, completely in awe. He was looking you up and down and you felt extremely uncomfortable.

“Dean, I feel the same. Nothing’s changed.” You turned to a mirror that was leant against a wall and looked in it. You looked like you.

“Trust me Y/N. Being in this voodoo locker has done something.” He paused, looking around where you just stood; rifling through the top shelf. “Yeah, look. This glitter stuff just fell on you, didn’t it? Read the label.” He handed you the jar, a label stuck on the back with some messy scrawl written on it.

‘Whomever the glitter touches will appear as the looker’s greatest desire. Use at your own risk.’

“Oh my god. I look like your greatest desire.” You breathed, looking up at Dean. “Cindy Morgan? From Caddyshack? Really?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What? She’s hot.” Dean replied, shrugging his shoulders.

—————————

The looks you got as you walked down the street were actually comedic. It appeared that being a woman yourself, all the men seemed to see you as their idea of the most beautiful woman in the world. Men were stopping and just staring at you in the street, whistling and cat-calling. You pulled your jacket closer around you and put your head down, keen to walk as fast as you could to the car.

“Why’d you park so damn far away Dean?” You mumbled, pulling your brows together.

“I parked it by the diner. Thought we could get a bite to eat afterwards. I didn’t know this was gonna happen sweetheart, I’m sorry.” Dean sighed, pointing at the diner just ahead.

“No. Please. Let’s just go back to the motel. I feel violated just from people staring.” You asked, pouting and batting your lashes.

“Nope, not even that Cindy Morgan face could stop me from getting a cheeseburger. C’mon, suck it up. We’ll be out in an hour max.” He said happily, swinging the door open for you to step inside. You narrowed your eyes at him and went inside, taking a seat at the bar.

You’d just finished your food and Dean had gone to the bathroom, leaving you sat by yourself.

“Hey sweetheart. You know, you look awfully familiar.” Some sleezy guy with a beer belly asked from behind you. You put your head down and pretended to reply to a text on your phone.

“Oh, you’ re gonna ignore me. C’mon baby. Why don’t you come back with me and we can have some fun.” The guy slid his hand down your back and placed it on your behind.

Before you could kick this guy’s ass, you heard a noise.

“Hey.”

The guy turns around and Dean lands one straight between his eyes. The guy stumbles back and goes to swing at Dean, missing. Dean kicked him to the floor.

“You get up when you learn to respect women.” Dean pointed his finger in the guy’s face, throwing your bill down next to him on the floor. “C’mon Y/N, lets go.” He grabbed your arm and took you outside the diner and to the car.

“You know, I could’ve taken him. Easy.” You laughed, buckling your seatbelt.

“Yeah I know, but sometimes I like to put those bastards in their place. You know?” He replied, starting the car.

“Well, thanks.” You said, smiling.

—————————

“Stop staring.” You grumbled, crossing your arms.

“I can’t help it, you’re Cindy freakin’ Morgan. Let me have my fun.” Dean shrugged, laughing.

You shook your head and sighed.

“Do you think we’ll be able to find a cure?” You asked with uncertainty, really hoping you’d find one soon.

“Yeah, Sammy will come up with something.” Dean said, opening up his laptop to get started on finding something to help. “Hey. Who do you think Sam will see?” He asked, smirking.

“I don’t know. Probably Pam Anderson or someone like that.” You laughed, beginning to wonder who he’d see.

*few hours later*

Dean had left to go to some bar, telling you he felt stir-crazy sitting inside. He left and that left you sitting in the room and waiting for your boyfriend to get back.

The door rattled and you turned to see Sam walk through the door, shoving the keys into his pocket. You got up and stood in front of him, nervously; anxious to hear who he saw.

“What?” He asked you, pulling a face as he saw you standing in the middle of the room.

“What do you mean ‘what?’ Do you not notice anything different?” You replied, feeling extremely confused.

“What are you talking about? You look the same.” He said, staring you up and down.

“You’re saying you see absolutely no difference in me at all?” You asked incredulously, taking a step closer to him.

“No, I’m sorry. Did you do something new to your-” He was interrupted by your lips on his. You threaded your hands into his hair and pressed yourself as close as you could into him. The kiss was passionate but short, and you pulled away breathless.

“What was that for?” Sam asked, putting his hands around your waist and smirking.

“It’s a long story. Dean and I went to check out some voodoo storage locker and I knocked over this jar and it went all over me. Turns out it was some hocus pocus stuff that made it when any man looked at me, he saw his idea of the most beautiful woman in the world. The fact you just see me is...it’s the best feeling in the world.” You smile, pressing your lips to his again in a gentle kiss.

“To me, you are the most beautiful woman in the world.” Sam said, tightening his grip on your waist.

“I love you.” You grinned, putting a hand on his cheek.

“I love you too.” He smiled. He paused for a second. “So, who did Dean see?” He laughed.

“He saw Cindy Morgan.” You giggled, putting your head on his chest.

“From Caddyshack? Typical.” He replied, smiling.

———————-

[coe-lilium]

TroS reaction (1st view)

Necessary premise in bullet points:

- I liked TFA when it came out and still do but as I dug into the franchise/canon (Disney only by choice) my enjoyment of it became more lukewarm. Came out of it dreading a potential Reylo but liking the two charas on their own. 

- went into TLJ worried I’d hate it, came out with it being my favorite saga movie and sold on the Rey-Ren connection, whatever road it would’ve taken. Loved the “Rey’s powerful on her own/bc the Force wants to set Kylo’s wrongs right”. It felt good after two years of being bombarded with “this fucking Mary Sue can have any power only if she’s connected to powerful men of the saga, she has otherwise no right in being powerful” in forums spaces.    

- went into TroS non-spoiled, wary of Palpatine return but relatively hopeful if soured about the “JJ our lord and saviour pleease save us from evil evil Jonhson” (HA!). The rumors about lore from the tv series being featured into the movie had me excited.  

That said, here goes: [SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE, ENDING INCLUDED, RIGHT OFF THE BAT]

I didn’t like it. I really hope to warm up to it more in future views, there’s absolutely stuff I liked or even loved, but as it stands now it was overall a massive disappointment on many sides and -worst of all- threatens to retroactively ruin my enjoyment in other previous stories. 

First, the positives: 

- Parentage notwithstanding, Rey was good. Her rage, her fears, her good heart, her commitment to the fight and the training, her longing for guidance… truly, if the bloodline revelation hadn’t retroactively ruined my investment in the character and themes I’d have fully, 100% loved her even if every single other part of the movie had been the same. 

Except for a brief war flashback to Starkiller game abilities (I lolled) I wasn’t even troubled by all the new abilities or their scope. Movies’ been inventing new powers since the beginning and the Force does what the Force wants. Again, fuck the genetics “twist”, garbage stuff. 

- Kylo, next to… 95% that involved him? TLJ did a great job selling him to me and surprisingly this movie added to that instead of retconning it away. More competent but still stupid and petty from time to time. I’m glad he came back, glad he choose right and glad he was allowed more time on the right side than Anakin. I love redemptions and he was portrayed as wavering the entire trilogy, I don’t even really care that it could’ve done better. I’m happy for him and his family, that’s all. The kiss got a laugh out me but not a malicious one, I was kind of running out of reasonable reactions by then. 

I’m just conflicted on how I feel about his death. Back when TFA was released I wanted him to survive to face what Anakin didn’t: justice (the kid-friendly setting prevented a death sentence anyway), atonement and growth from there, I still wish it happened and maintain that a different pacing would’ve allowed it. On the other hand, I’m also kinda okay with him dying. He righted at least a bit of his many wrongs, he saved a person he cared for, that his parents cared for and that could help the galaxy much more than he ever could and he was at peace. It was a good death.      

- Kylo’s vision/illusion of Han. A surprise but a very pleasant, well acted one. Would’ve I maybe liked Anakin more, as Ben idolized him so much and for all the wrong reasons and because I love that disaster? Yes. Does Han work much better in the economy of the movie and trilogy story and do he and Ben have a much rawer relationship and history? Absolutely. I am a teeny tiny bit baffled as  for why Luke didn’t also show up, but the actual scene was good enough I forgive it.  

- Rey and Kylo bond and connection was one of the saving graces of this mess and I utterly loved it. Both actors worked their asses for for all their scenes and it payed off, oh if it payed off. Their DSII duel was perhaps a tad long but great nonetheless (Republic era Jedi jumps!), the hurt and the sense of absolute loss and grief they both conveyed -and shared!- after Leia’s passing was incredible, Rey regretting the near kill and softly going “I would have stayed, had you renounced the dark side”. She cared, yes, but not to the point of ignoring the horrors (something Anakin never quite understood). The “dyad” stuff was a bit overkill, just call it a force bond, we can see it’s freaking powerful, but the Force Skype and sharing of objects that came with the package, that I loved. Surprise lightsaber, Ren fuckers! :D Bet Anakin and Obi Wan were really jealous, that would’ve come in handy during the war.       

- Finn was now fully invested in the cause, at ease, visibly happy to be with his friends, ready to bond and reach out, quick to plan, to act and to adapt to the situation, brave but cautious and calculating. I wish it was given a bit more focus, but I loved he found other young FO defectors. Also fuck yeah, he’s force sensitive and his ability is used, not just thrown in as a useless wink. Jedi Finn in future material, c’mon!

- Poe’s also grown. He was probably going to have more screen time with Leia had Carrie not died but there was nothing to be done for that. I’m not as happy as for previous 3 charas for the backstory retcon I’ll tackle in the negatives.

- Jannah was cool, the addiction of other FO defectors a welcomed one and the scene were she and Finn excitedly went over their “I broke free” moment was adorable. Good bean, I’d read more about her and her company. 

- A bit lot annoyed at Bloodline being kinda tossed outta the window but getting Leia with lightsaber was nice. Give me some ancillary material to deal with the clash and I’ll fully forgive it. 

- Jedi! MY GIRL AHSOKA MY MAN KANAN! I mean, I sure wish they were in a better movie, but hey, recognition for something more than the OT? No slandering of the Order but all of them collectively kicking Sidious ass once and for all? I’ll gladly take it. Anakin, my dude, I’m sorry your sacrifice was next to nullified but it was good to hear you again ;_;  I didn’t hear Ezra’s voice anywhere so I can still hope he’s alive, well and with the Ascendancy teaching all their Navigators. “I am all the Jedi” remains a terrible line. 

And now, oh boi. Here comes the long list of annoying - bad - stinking shit stuff: 

- If I wanted to watch a 2 and half long videogame cutscenes I’d have done that in the comfort of my home without spending money for tickets. Go to level x to retrieve related macguffin, move to next level to get next macguffin and so on and so on. I liked close to everything in the DS II sequences, but what would’ve that dagger pointed at if the wreckage had fallen even a little bit differently?   

In general, many plot points gave me the feeling they were stolen from the tv series and badly executed, like a mockery (or incompetence?). Case in point: Hux betraying the 1st Order out of personal, spiteful hate? Potentially good! The execution? A poor man’s Rebels Agent Kallus, already over in little more than 5minutes. 

- Palpatine himself is a poorly, ridiculously poorly executed Maul resurrection storyline from tcw and rebels. 

Because Maul was 1. explained and 2. got a good, long arc that made you forgive the undoubtably contrived ass-pull it took to bring him back while Sidious is just… there. You gotta accept it because the writer said so. 

How did he survive? We don’t know and fuck you if you expect an explanation (they really had the absolute galls to have him say the iconic/meme line from Rots and apparently it was supposed to be enough?!) How could he “have all Sith reside inside me” when canon’s clear that Sith do-not-get-to-retain-their-individuality-in-the-Force, do not work well together (lmao) and he as an individual never gave a shit about the Sith except when they could serve his own personal desires? His entire approach to the rule of two and other Sith stuff is “fuck that noise, everything in the galaxy exist to serve me”. He’s fine dying as long as “the Sith rule”? Who IS this character, because he’s not Darth Sidious (as presented in Disney’s own canon, mind). Oh, you wanted explanations? FUCK YOU, screams the movie. 

The mess gets somehow salvaged in the end as he comes to his senses and siphon the life out of Rey and Ben to de-rotten/revive himself to rule in person, now *that* was in character. Was he actually lying his ass off the entire time waiting for the moment he could siphon them? Hopefully but who the hell even knows.

In the end it just wasn’t worth bring him back. A holocron, a different Sith, even a hive-mind of old records/tainted wraiths of Sith (perhaps wearing Palps face to buy the old empire aficionados loyalty, idk) would’ve been better than “actually, Anakin suffered nearly his entire life and sacrificed himself for barely more than 25 years of peace and it still wasn’t enough to rid the galaxy of the monster who destroyed his and countless other lives”. But Johnson was the one shitting on beloved characters legacy and accomplishments, uh? Surely at least he’s got company. 

Ian was clearly having a blast, so there was… that? And the initial sequence being legit creepy and the Sith storm or whatever the fuck was that. That can stay, it was cool.     

- Poe, the latino character, got retconned from former Republic pilot (a backstory established before TFA came out and faithfully respected ever since) into a smuggler and gang member. Classy. What does Lucaslfilm have a story group for if not for stopping stuff like this from happening? Bonus Zorii being used for a “no homo! homo? no homo?” wink wink and for generally being a poor man Solo’s Qi’ra.   

- The movie makes you worry for a character death three (3) times in a row only to immediately backpedal on it. The survivors are grieving, the scene is sober… and then suddenly! they’re alive! isn’t it wonderful? let’s insert a comical scene now that we’re at it! Sigh.   

- The whole Threepio stuff was a contrived waste of time in a movie already full of more relevant plot treads that could’ve put that screen time to better use. 

- Rey’s parents apparently aren’t assholes anymore bc they sold her into slavery to protect her from Sidious, which is… supposed to make it alright, a sacrifice in the name of love? If they had been shown trying to give her to a trusted person and then she was kidnapped that wouldn’t had been their fault, just unfortunate, but the movie shows them leaving their 5yo daughter with her in-all-but-name slaver so?? 

- Rey Palpatine… Rey. Palpatine. Gesù Cristo benedetto che minchia mi è toccato di vedere. That hurt. That was so hilariously over the top bad I just…I started laughing. On top of the entire thing, thank you so, soo much for validating all those fucking assholes who demanded Rey be connected to a powerful man in the saga to accept her powers and value, you hack. Jedi were never about power of blood and then you went and reinforced the very opposite. She ain’t powerful bc the Force recognized her as worthy to stop evil and chose to aid her anymore, she’s powerful bc grandfather was. Lovely stuff. Hilariously, now she has a lot more legit “Mary Sue” traits than before. 

- Rose’s sidelining was a blatant bow to her and her actress haters whims. If in VIII she jumped at the chance of action, now she was fearful and “had to stay behind” studying maps. Fuck that noise. 

- Even if she rejected it, underline is that the Skywalker line is wiped out and the Palpatine one thrives. I… just… wtf wtf wtf. A final “Just Rey” would’ve been more powerful -because now it would’ve been reclaimed- and less corny and in poor taste than a Palpatine taking on the Skywalker name. I’m not sure if Sidious is more offended or if he’s laughing his ass off in space!hell. Probably the 2nd. Bad.      

- The final scene on Tatooine. It rang so empty because the planet brings warm memories only to the audience, not the characters. In-universe, that place brought nothing but misery to the Skywalkers: Anakin and Shmi were brought there as slaves and lived as such for years, Shmi was tortured to death and Anakin began his descent into the dark for crying out loud. Luke had to hide and saw his relatives murdered. Leia had no connection whatsoever to the place. The mera idea of burying Anakin Skywalker lightsaber into the sands of Tatooine and considering it a way of paying respect is… I don’t know, hilariously in bad taste? Rey, dear, what did you have personally against the guy? Put those sabers to rest on Naboo! Ah, but we can’t truly acknowledge the PT now, can we? Wack.   

- It’s not TroS complete fault, that “honor” mostly sit at TFA’s feet but for all its omages, copies and almost slavish references, from a in-universe point of view it’s like the OT barely occurred. 

The same evil man has been defeated (until next time?), the Republic must be rebuilt from scratch, a evil military is all over the place and must be dealt with, the Jedi Order has to be rebuilt… it’s depressing. A new evil taking advantage of the empire leftovers would’ve been one thing, but Sidious? He’s been effectively winning nonstop ever since he was elected Chancellor. He had all the power, all the influence, all the control and he maintained it all even as a rotten corpse in exile, the entire galaxy marching on his tune, controlled by his strings. And as the cherry on top of the cake he even managed to wipe out the family that could’ve, should have been his undoing! He effectively destroyed the Skywalkers. He outlived every Jedi, every survivor, every clone. I hate this. It’s sickening. I can’t even be happy Rex was on Endor anymore.      

In general, the best word I can find for this movie is: coward. 

So blatantly desperate to please, to be “forgiven”, to reference every single irrelevant thing -except the PT and the TV series in a intelligent way-, to throw fanservice after fanservice after fanservice no matter how nonsensical from all over that crossed the “corny” to wander into embarrassing territory many times over (Maz giving Chewie a medal outta nowhere? Come the fuck on now). 

The cartoon series had twenty time the guts of this movie and I vehemently wish for Filoni to take the helm of the entire creative team in a very near future.                  

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

So, I learned something recently...

Mary Kate Olsen (the top billed twin; I feel kinda bad for Ashley) is married to a man 17 years her senior, who also happens to be the half brother to the former President of France.

That sounds like the plot to one of their movies! Like, there’s a foreign exchange student at their school and they discover that he’s secretly foreign royalty.  I can picture the whole thing in my head, I’ve thought about this a lot:

It has a late 90s/early 2000s aesthetic; kinda grungey and “totally radical, dude!”

Twins Mary Jane and Kelsey are just your average upper middle class teenagers living in multi-million dollar beachfront property with their widower dad, a security guard with dreams of being a detective.  His firm just got a big contract to provide security for the visiting diplomats of the vaguely Eastern European kingdom of Slovotia (it’s generically foreign; funny accents, weird customs, offensive Slavic stereotypes, the works. The writers based it on Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia, Austria-Hungary, Ruritania, Backwardistan, etc)

At school, the girls are introduced to hunky Slovotian exchange student Nico.  He’s, like, SO cool, but he doesn’t flaunt it.  He’s quiet, tries not to make waves, and sneaks away at lunch to be by himself; the girls follow him and find him talking to a a burly bodyguard.  Turns out, he’s the Crown Prince of Slovotia!  His uncle, Count Bartok (who is clearly the antagonist but SHHH don’t tell anyone, we don’t know that yet) is visiting America as part of the Slovotian delegation; his brother, the King, wants to normalize relations with the west, but the Count doesn’t really like America.

Nico and his bodyguard Dolf (a hulking man of few words) ask the girls not to reveal his secret; he just wants to live a normal life, and be a normal teenager.  The girls decide to show him around town and introduce him to hip American concepts like the mall and beaches and fast food.

They buy a hot dog from a street vendor, and Nico looks appalled.  “My uncle, he say Americans, they are dogs, but I did not know they were to be eating them, yes?”

“They’re not really made out of dog, Nico!  Try it, you’ll like it.”

He takes one bite, and is enraptured.  “This is best thing I have ever to be eating!”  He walks over to the vendor and offers to buy him out.  “You there, meat monger. This dog that is hot, it is food fit for king!  I buy your shop, I pay ten million Slovotian Kronle, good price yes?”

“Sure thing, whatever you say boss!  Good price!  Great price!  My ticket’s finally come it, it’s easy street from here on out!”

They show him around “the city.”  It’s never specified which city that is though; they live on a beach and go surfing, so it might be LA, but there are hotdog vendors and people with Brooklyn accents, so it could just as well be New York.  Maybe there’s a shot in the middle of the film where the bad guys are looking at a satellite map of the USA, and the camera zooms into the center of the country, or there’s a blinking red dot somewhere on a random coast.  The point is that there is no definitive location; it’s just meant to represent whatever city is closest to the viewer’s hometown (the writers didn’t put that much effort into it because this is a no budget direct-to-VHS Mary Kate and Ashley movie.  What did you expect?)

Dolf follows them everywhere they go, and Nico complains that he wants to have some privacy.  “You do not be seeing other kids with bodyguards, yes?”  Wacky hijinks ensue as the trio try to evade him; there’s definitely a chase scene set to a punk rock song like SR-17′s ‘Right Now’ or something by Bowling For Soup.  They sit on a park bench reading newspapers as Dolf runs by, then hightail it in the opposite direction.  They casually steal hats and sunglasses from passersby to blend into the crowd.  They walk in line behind a couple buys carrying a sofa.  The chase ends with them hopping into a taxi and laughing with one another as we see Dolf give chase for a second before giving up in frustration.

Nico confides in the girls that life as a prince is not easy.  His father, King Vladimyr XVI, is always telling him how big a responsibility he has, how important he is to Slovotia’s future.  “My father, he tell me, Nico, you will one day be King, so you must to be acting like one, yes?”  It’s so hard to be royal, he can never just be himself, he has to act a certain way to make his parents happy.  The girls tell him that they know exactly what he means; high school isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either.  They have homework and chores, and they too have to act a certain way or the cool kids will think they’re a couple of losers with a capital L (Nico doesn’t understand what the word cool means, “what does temperature have to be doing with this?”)

Suddenly, the trio is attacked by some dude in a track suit and gold chains with a jersey accent; he tries to kidnap Nico, and just when all hope seems lost Dolf appears from nowhere and lifts the would-be abductor up by the collar.

They interrogate him; Dolf holds him by the ankles from a second story window.  “I ain’t sayins nothin, youse will never get a word outta me.”

Dolf says that if he doesn’t start talking he will disappear.  “Maybe you wake up in gulag, yes?”

He sings like a canary.  He was hired by Count Bartok to kidnap Nico.  Bartok hates America and thinks his older brother Vladimyr is foolish for trying to normalize relations with them.  He hoped that by having Nico kidnapped, he could blame the American government and end the diplomatic mission early.  If anything were to happen to the boy, Bartok would become next in line to be king!  He’s going to blame the girls’ father for Nico’s disappearance because he was supposed to be head of security.

“That’s everything I know. Hey, I’m sorry, okays?  I just needed the money, ya know? I ain’t a bad guy, I’m just in a bad sitchy-ation.”  The girls tell Dolf that he can let the kidnapper go, but he takes this literally and drops him out of the window (onto a bush! He’s fine)

They have to race to city hall to meet the Slovotian delegation and stop Bartok from doing anything drastic.  Mary Kate plays the edgy tomboy, so she teaches Nico and Dolf how to skateboard so they can get across town super fast.  This sequence is filmed with a fish eye lens so it looks “totally bodacious.” As the group barrels down the crowded sidewalk, pedestrians leap out of their way.

They make it just in time to be locked out of the ceremony.  Bartok is giving a big speech condemning the Americans for kidnapping his poor nephew, and the girls have to watch helplessly as their dad is taken away in handcuffs.  Dolf uses his espionage training to break into city hall and get the trio into the sound booth undetected.

“Hey Dolf, where’d you learn to do all this stuff?”

“I have many skills” (he is implied to be ex-KGB and it’s played for laughs)

The girls interrupt Bartok’s speech with video they took of the kidnapper revealing his entire plan.  Bartok denies it, but the girls’ dad pulls some as-yet-unseen sleuthing skills out of his ass to prove that Bartok is lying, finally living his dream of being a detective.  Nico bursts into the room and orders the Slovotian guards to arrest his uncle, but Bartok pulls a pistol and holds one of the twins hostage.  Nico uses some of the American skills he learned to free her (he kicks his skateboard towards Bartok’s feet, and he slips on it)

Bartok is taken away, screaming that he would have gotten away with it were it not for those meddling twins, and the girls break the fourth wall by making a Scooby-Doo joke to the camera.  Nico delivers a heartfelt speech to the gathered crowd at city hall about how much he has come to love America and how he’s proud to be representing Slovotia and normalizing relations with the west.  He wants to open malls and hot dog stands and skateboard parks in Slovotia, and he gets a standing ovation as the mayor awards him the key to the city.

The girls are so proud of their dad, and he is just as proud of them.  Just then, King Vladimyr and Queen Anastasia themselves make a live appearance, apparently having flown all the way from Slovotia (it’s never explained how they got there so fast).  They thank the girls for helping their son, and award their father their kingdom’s highest honor. They even offer him a job as Dolf’s second in command, but he declines, saying he’d rather remain at his humble career and raise his family in the states.

The girls encourage Nico to tell his father how he feels.  He knows he will be king someday, but that is very far off, and he would like some time to just be a kid instead of a prince all the time.  The King decrees that Nico may stay in the United States and have a normal high school experience, “you are to be having twelve bodyguards instead of twenty now, good compromise, yes?”  The girls roll their eyes and laugh; Nico’s dad still has a lot to learn!

Nico tells the girls that they are “very cold” (he meant “cool,” but it’s the thought that counts)  He and Mary Kate kiss, and Ashley jokingly asks if he has a brother.  As it turns out, there’s a nerdy kid at school who is played by the same actor as Nico who’s had a crush on her for years, so she gets with him instead (once he takes off his glasses)

Freeze frame

THE END

Roll credits

80 minute run time

Return the tape to Blockbuster and never watch it again

[thruces]

endgame spoilers

i know i said i wasn’t gonna do this but ???

i have so many thoughts and feelings and i want somewhere to get them out so let’s dive right in shall we? (spoilers under the cut!) 

i firstly want to point out that most of this won’t be chronological since my thoughts are everywhere.

to say i have some thoughts is definitely understating it. there was a lot to take in throughout the movie but i feel as though i went in with high expectations and came out with something less than what was promised by the countless fan reactions and reviews. i wasn’t expecting what i got but there was a lot of good despite the bad. it’s also worth noting i ended up fainting out of stress and partial dehydration (from crying for nearly six hours straight) which is further proof that i’m an emotional wreck as well as a fool.

first off, tony’s death. – there was no real reason for him to die. he finally had the life he wanted and had to sacrifice that for the rest of the world. he never needed to redeem himself, he didn’t have to die to make up for anything but they still made him. he should’ve had steve’s ending. somehow steve rogers, the super solider who stated on a number of occasions that he didn’t want the domestic life, got it. tony stark, the man who wanted to step away from the battlefield and have a family was the one who died fighting. it hurt so much to watch a man who survived everything thrown at him, who lived through trauma, ptsd, anxiety attacks and tremendous loss only to finally get the life he deserved and have it all taken from him. what hurts even more is that strange knew what had to happen, it must’ve been so awful knowing what had to be done. the sadness in his eyes as he put his finger up was devastating. tony stark will always be my hero and i’m going to miss him so, so much.

expanding a little more on steve’s ending – it felt wrong. most of steve’s arc was centred around bucky and yet he chose to leave him. it was like the past two captain america movies became irrelevant and all that mattered was getting rid of steve in the simplest way. peggy had a whole life without him and he knew that but chose to go back and stay regardless? idk that just didn’t sit right with me.

onto thor – they did him so, so dirty. thor lost everything and suffered so much and they still just tried to play him off as comedic relief for most of the movie (although the fortnite scene was kinda funny) . the scene with banner in his house hurt me so much. to see the way he cared for him, the softness in his voice. he understood his trauma and was patient. the way he put his hand on his shoulder and wanted to be there for him was one of the best scenes in the film. he didn’t judge him harshly for letting himself go because he understood what it was like to go through trauma and loss in the way he had. it was genuinely one of the best scenes. thank u russos for the good thruce content.

in terms of the rest of the ragnarok crew – i was so happy to see korg again! my eyes lit up as soon as i saw him in his cute hawaiian shirt!  taika waititi is the source of my happiness and he should direct every mcu movie. i’m so happy val made an appearance too and becoming queen is exactly what she deserved, although i did kinda miss her deadpan attitude. overall the ragnarok gang was the biggest let down for me in terms of characterisation. the russos will never be able to do them justice. they used thor as comedic relief despite his trauma, banner’s arc was one of the worst ones in the movie (my love for him remains untouched though) and the other characters were pushed aside (although it’s completely understandable as the focus on this movie was the original avengers). additionally the hulk dab scene filled me with rage for reasons i can’t explain,, i just,, hated it so much,, more than anything else in the entire movie. 100 percent the worst line in the entire mcu,, ever,,

next up is nat’s death – in my op this was the best death in the film and although i love nat her death made the most sense. the way she was gentle and calm when she told clint to let go broke me and i felt so bad for him, go me it was definitely one of the most powerful scenes.

time to expand on banner’s arc bc it’s one of the biggest things i disliked. why the fuck did they think just getting rid of the hulk was the best thing to do? they’ve been developing the banner/hulk arc for years then deadass just got rid of him? it’s so sad bc the hulk developed a lot over the last three movies and now it’s just over? it’s esp sad when you think about the fact that a. the hulk was his own being and b. that this was barely addressed at all? the entire characterisation of banner during the movie was absolutely wack and i’m so mad they did him dirty. the two best banner scenes were the gauntlet scene and the thor scene and everything else was just,, bad. can they please just bring back cute tiny bruce who’s dorky and into science bc that’s the one i fell in love w/, not this weird hulk/bruce hybrid that marvel pulled outta their asses (that’s my hot take and you’re fine to disagree but i hate it sm)

i also wanna talk about thor and frigga real quick bc honestly? my heart never felt true pain until then. she was so calm and the entire scene broke my heart into pieces. ik thor got some closure but it still felt so awful to see him so heartbroken.

if i'm being honest i’m not really feeling the asguardians thing. dgmw i love them as separate units but to me it takes away the entire team dynamic of the guardians and i really hope it’s not a permanent thing. i also hope they get gamora back because it’s what peter deserves.

time to talk about the best part of the film – scott. my boy absolutely killed it. his character arc over the course of the movie was the best one. the balance between comedy and plot was perfect and the scene where he saw cassie grown up made me sob. i can’t fully express how much i love him as a character but i promise it’s a lot.

there’s a lot of stuff i missed out but these were my main thoughts after seeing the movie, hopefully i’ll pick up on more when i see it again on monday! if you wanna talk about any of these PLEASE message me because i’m really interested to hear other ppls opinions!

[dragimal]

TROS thoughts? TROS thoughts.

just some thoughts abt TROS and the trilogy as a whole. I don’t actively talk abt SW much so this’ll prolly be p disorganized, but I just wanted to throw some thoughts to the wind lmao. also thanks @cobwebbing for bullying me into watching TROS as quickly as possible and also yelling abt all these jumbled thoughts with/at me

overall I rly liked it! with a lot of criticisms! and I’ll expand under the cut

so, as usual, everything reylo was p spectacular. Rey trading off her light-saber to Kylo? that last bombastic kiss? Kylo fading into a force ghost to presumably reunite w/ his family? the mutual healing of one another-- and in particular, Kylo not only sharing his own life-force, but that which Rey had previously gifted him for the stab wound??? the DRAMA! the ROMANCE!! I was going absolutely (mentally) HOGWILD during those scenes, AAAAA I couldn’t have asked for better! Rey and Kylo are totally gonna have a force-ghost honeymoon and I’m here for it

my one big criticism w/ anything involving them was Palp being Rey’s grandad. Star Wars has always had weird hangups abt bloodlines, so it felt very fresh to see the protag be a whole-ass nobody-- u don’t need to come from some line of force-sensitive heroes/baddies to be somebody! ANYBODY can be somebody if they choose to be! yeah, she technically still renounced her “evil blood” to be a good person, but it felt a lot cheaper than just letting her be a nobody that chooses that path. I feel like there’s a nugget of good to be found in her adopting the Skywalker name at the end (y’all know I’m a sucker for adopted family~), but compounded w/ all the other hangups w/ bloodlines, it kinda felt like another affirmation that only Skywalkers can ever be the big important heroes or something, idk

that all said, I don’t hate Palp’s existence in TROS, I just don’t want him related to Rey in any way. tho his existence was still a bit awkward at parts (Snoke was a clone? who were all those cultists in the stands around the throne? how did he even survive the first trilogy?? hello???). but overall I rly liked the idea that the reason Sith kill their masters is for some reincarnation-death ceremony. when u hold that against the fresh new cast of heroes in this trilogy, you get this theme of, “evil ideals are always the same-- stagnant and unchanging. good must evolve and grow to combat it.” if that makes sense? I just rly like that implication

it was weird how easily Kylo seemed to drop any connection to Vader? like when Rey knocked Vader’s mask on the ground, I thought Kylo would either feel angry that she almost destroyed it, or betrayed by the reminder that he was never rly talking to Vader anyways, or SOMETHING, but he kinda just left it there in the snow? it was just strange, after all the build-up

now aside from anything involving Rey and Kylo, everything else was..... well, it was abt as I expected. which wasn’t good, coming off the heels of TLJ’s treatment of anyone that wasn’t Rey, Kylo, or Luke. while JJ and Rian do a fantastic job w/ reylo stuff, they seem to just let everything else fall to the wayside, which is unfortunate in a lot of ways

for one, Finn is one of my favorite characters in SW as a whole, and it’s heartbreaking to see his character arcs fall apart before they even start (post-TFA). he has so much depth and potential-- enough to even be the main protag, as some have pointed out. while I don’t agree that he’s a better foil to Kylo (and that’s not just my reylo bias, like they rly don’t have the same personality chemistry or thematic conflicts imo), I could totally see a SW trilogy centered around him instead (tho idk if I’d be able to properly doctor the script to THAT degree on my own... 🤔...)

either way, Finn’s potential was rly squandered the last two movies, and I’d love to see that rectified. I’ve always been disappointed that Finn immediately went to shooting other stormtroopers in TFA w/o any hint of hesitation, so I’d ideally like to give him some conflicted feelings during TFA to start off with. then, I’ve always thought his plot in TLJ should’ve been focused completely on stormtroopers-- no casino, no fox-horse racing or anything. he and Rose would IMMEDIATELY sneak onto the FO ship from the beginning of the movie as undercover stormtroopers, gathering info for the Resistance and trying to shut down the FO’s tracking tech, while also feeling out the thoughts of fellow stormtroopers. maybe some troopers would be gung-ho abt the FO, while others would like to rebel but are too scared, while others still had never considered the option of rebellion until Finn planted just a little seed for them. however, by the end of TLJ, his efforts might’ve *seemed* useless, like the FO might’ve killed off any defecting stormtroopers. then we’d hit TROS, and Finn might be a bit colder, and bit more willing to kill stormtroopers, b/c even if he could convert them, he wouldn’t be able to protect them, so he might as well end it as quickly as possible. but THEN he’d meet the former stormtroopers-- not just strangers this time, but some of the troopers he’d met while on the FO ship in the previous movie! they’d escaped, and his efforts weren’t for naught! his actions still mattered, and continue to matter as everyone moves forward!

also, can I just say, fucking weird that Finn’s suddenly force-sensitive?? I’m not necessarily against him being force-sensitive, but I’m attached to the idea of an important character that doesn’t have any significant connection to the force-- he was just a talented dude! but even then, I think I’d be more open to it if not for how it was introduced. apparently, the only reason he (or any stormtrooper, as far as we know) defected is b/c the force told them to. no personal decisions based on morals or logic or even basal fear, just some “force-instinct”. that’s just.... so insulting to his character and the potential for stormtroopers, I’m reeling lmfao

Poe is an interesting case for me b/c I don’t feel any particular way abt him. like, he’s fine? but I care far more abt reylo and Finn than I do Poe, so I haven’t put as much thought into how I’d change his arcs, BUT I do have a few ideas. since I’d nix Finn’s casino trip in TLJ, I’d have Poe kinda take the helm of that-- rather than a slow crawl thru space on low fuel, the Resistance’s problem would be their space-jumping tech (+ the FO tracking them of course), so they’d have plenty of fuel to jump, but for some reason they’d have to recharge or re-fix something after each jump? so it’s more like a lil space roadtrip for Poe’s plot, where he’s jumping the Resistance to different planets, hiding their ships somewhere before the FO catches on, and waiting until the can jump again to the next hiding spot. all the while, Poe’s keeping in touch w/ Finn, trying to keep the FO off their tails for just a little bit longer, or gathering info on their plans. I rly liked Poe’s TLJ arc of, “sacrificing a few for the cause is actually kinda shitty,” so I’d like to keep that, like maybe he makes a few risky decisions while running? and then later, when Finn tries to sacrifice himself to the FO’s canon (in this case b/c he thinks his efforts w/ the stormtroopers didn’t work, so maybe he can do just this one thing--), Poe’s like Oh Fuck No and smacks him outta the sky. so Poe has this moment like, “wow, perhaps I’m not as ok w/ all this sacrifice as I thought? also I might have a crush?😳” and then in TROS he’s coming to terms w/ his crush on Finn (and Zorii’s like, *nudges* “OH-HO??~”), but Finn’s still a bit broken up over how everything w/ the stormtroopers turned out in TLJ, so he’s been difficult to connect to. then when Finn meets the former stormtroopers, he gains back some of that confidence in connecting to others, and he finally *sees* Poe for the first time in a while and it’s all romantic and junk heheh

tbh I don’t actually feel particularly strongly abt finnpoe as a pairing, BUT I rly like the potential it has for Finn and Poe’s respective character arcs, and especially how it could so lovingly tie into TROS’ theme of, “we are only as strong as we are together, and together we can beat this.” unfortunately, that theme in and of itself is also kinda awkward coming on the heels of TLJ, where the Resistance was abandoned by the galaxy when there was only a small fleet of FO forces to deal with, yet the galaxy comes to aid when there’s a fuckin billion FO ships w/ PLANET-DESTROYING TECH on-board each?? I know the 2nd movie’s supposed to be a low point, but the huge turn-around in TROS just doesn’t make a whole lotta sense to me, and I don’t know how to fix that one lmao

Rose is.... a difficult one. I rly want to like her b/c I love Kelly and she has cute moments, but TLJ already didn’t give her a lot to work with, and she had insultingly little to do in TROS. I think that perhaps she’d work well as Poe’s thematic foil in TLJ? Rose’s sister was one of the ones sacrificed under Poe’s direction, so she prolly wouldn’t be too pleased w/ that, and would bring up counterpoints to Poe’s risky maneuvers w/ the Resistance whenever they check in w/ him. then when Poe goes to rescue Finn from the canon, Rose’s words are what play thru his head. for TROS, I’d gladly replace C3PO or Chewie (or both) w/ her, lmao. I can’t necessarily think of an arc for her, but TROS was already juggling so many anyways, I think it would’ve been fine for her to maybe be a lynch-pin for the squad-- someone trying to hold everyone together through these dire circumstances, but everything starts to fall apart... until some significant moment where she helps pull everyone back together, thus completing the theme of the film. also I would’ve felt FAR more distressed if it was Rose that was supposedly on the destroyed transport ship (tho that scene was already kinda stupid like... why couldn’t Rey sense that Chewie wasn’t on there... hm..)

the Hux betrayal was obvious even from as far back as TFA, but it was weird he was replaced by a nobody we never met before and don’t care abt lmfao. I mean I don’t rly care for Hux at all, but I care even less for this stranger who has no personality lmfao

[faunusrights]

‘AFTER THE FALL’ - LIVEREAD II

Part I (prologue to chapter three) here!

According to other people reading this alongside me, I have yet to even see the true extent of how, um... interesting some of the characterisations are? So, we can only do one thing: keep reading, even though I’m relatively sure the corpse of a sizeable moth was batted onto my copy :I

We’ve reached chapter three, and only now do I realise what a considerable chunk of the book that is? Blimey.

CHAPTER THREE

/gets six lines in /shuts the book

Look, I said I wasn’t gonna say it because we know I hate it but ughghghgh I hate canon Velvet soooooo muuuuuuuuuuch she’s SO boring I’m SO sorry but GOD--

Okay. Okay. Moving on. Yatsu is our narrator now so let’s hear how he sounds!

“Ash started crying and crying and crying--”

I know it’s inevitable that most names I picked for OCs will crop up elsewhere but... Ash? You tryna take Ash “Bottom Energy” Scarlatina away from me now? Can’t I have anything?

So, it was mentioned that apparently a recurring thing I’ll be seeing in this novel is Yatsu and Velvet being hitched together on the character development front, and honestly, I can see it happening here. They’re being made into one sort of unit and Yatsu keeps calling attention to that, which isn’t... great, ‘cause I’m kinda hoping we’ll see more individual development? But the current consensus is that It Ain’t Happening, so we’ll See, I Guess,

Okay, I love that Velvet makes spreadsheets on her Scroll. I deeply enjoy her making chats to keep track of stuff, because honestly what a mood that is.

‘Yatsuhashi whirled around in confusion, but Velvet was gone. He didn’t like losing sight of her; what kind of trouble was she getting up to now?’

Predictably, I don’t like Velvet being babies in any sense of the word, but I do like that Yatsu’s first worry is what trouble can she possibly fucking cause now? Velvet and her high chaos energy, whomst I Adore,

Also what the fuck is a breadfruit.

‘Professor Greene’s Stealth and Security class--’

UGH I wish we knew more about the classes they took in Beacon. Do you know how hard it is to write an AU in which the Fall of Beacon never happened and having to pull classes outta your ass? It’s HARD, Y’ALL,

Yatsu’s Semblance is... making people forget things? That’s. Weird but alright??? Sure??? Whatever???

Me, every time Velvet snaps: why is it I only get the Velvet I’m after when she’s being such a bi-- oh wait I have a type sorry continue as you were,

But actually God I miss chibi!Velvet pour one out for the cancellation y’all

“This is bad,” Yatsu said sadly.

Me to myself: I know it’s not good writing I know and you know but don’t say anything just move on--

Okay before I move on, I’m definitely seeing a lot of that Yatsu/Velvet hitching, and makes me Nervous because I love Yatsu and I love Velvet but I also love them separately so I’m holding out hope that they get split up at Some Point because they really have been written together pretty much the whole way, huh? 

CHAPTER FOUR

OKAY CHAPTER FOUR LET’S GO LET’S GO

It’s Fox time, and we’ve got an introduction to Copper, Fox’s mentor (someone mentioned it’s totally a 'The Fox and The Hound’ reference). And-- ah, he’s dead. That was quick.

‘Velvet sometimes let her feelings get the best of her, Fox thought.’

You think that’s bad? You should meet murpverse!Velvet, that bitch has never held a thought in her head for more than five seconds.

I’ll confess I’m now reading pretty far ahead before I have any commentary of note. I’m enjoying Fox’s narration far more than anyone else’s by a pretty considerable margin, and it’s probably ‘cause Fox -- despite saying literally nothing in canon -- saw a lot of people reach the same conclusion to his character? So this one is much easier to settle into. Also, maybe it’s ‘cause he was such a blank slate that the writing works better for him. I dunno.

Story-wise: Edward is-- okay, actually, side-tangent: Edward? We seem to really jump in and out of the colour scheme, huh? Anyway, Edward’s a shady mfer and LET VELVET DO SHIT ON HER OWN!!!!!! LET HER BE A DUMBASS OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

‘That was the last time he;s underestimate [Velvet].’

Told ya, dipshitte.

Ooh, everyone’s Angery about Everything. Seems like the Mood Bombs are also more passively AOE than just being a Sudden Boom, because everyone’s got a MUCH shorter temper? Then again, mine would be Non-Existent in a desert to begin with, so maybe they’ve all got sand up their butts. Also, Gus is to blame for the Mood Bombs anyway! That’s a big F, kiddo.

CHAPTER FIVE

Flashback to the dance!

Awh, Ruby made her own outfit and cape. Li’l seamstress! Oh, dang, do you think Summer taught her? Or, at least, showed her how her cape was made? Aaaaa--

Lien remains... weird. I thought it’d be closer to a currency rate like Yen to the dollar (so thousands are worth much less), but the implication here is that twenty Lien is more like $20? The currency here is very weird and even I’m at fault for flip-flopping on it, but I honestly expected it to be more like Yen. Huh.

Coco likes Ruby’s outfit look at that senpai GO.

Oh, okay, so they met at the dance? For some reason, I thought they’d already been acquainted? I thought they mentioned that team CFVY were away in the show (and therefore knew them at least in passing) but apparently not.

Okay, so Coco’s dialogue is... weird? I’m not totally down for the voice the author’s chosen to give her, and the more I see of it the more I’m starting to notice it. That said, I can’t believe Coco has reeled off Ozpin’s whole speech for Ruby. I’d have forgotten three words in.

Still jumping back and forth on Coco’s dialogue. I’m not sure if I like it. Moving on.

Weiss is Big Bitch Supreme, I see. This flashback is striking me all wrong for some reason, but I cannot for my life of me say why.That said, Weiss unironically saying besties is the funniest thing I’ve read all week, so there’s that.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH TIME FOR VELVET AND RACISM UGHGHHGHGHHHHGHGH IM GONNA GO GET LUNCH FIRST--

WAIT BLAKE’S THERE

WAIT NO I’M GETTING FOOD FIRST EVEN IF BLACK VELVET IS RIGHT THERE--

Okay I ate too many calories and walked my dog let’s do this before I have to take said dog to the groomer. On that note, I’m like halfway through the book already? This really is short as heck.

“You had something to say to me?” Velvet asked. The boy clamped his mouth shut.

Do ya? Bihh.

Also I LOVE that highlights from the initiation are playing so that Blake literally looks a thousand times more intimidating. I wish we’d seen more of that kinda thing in the show, with RWBY being the new hotshots and the dynamic they had with Beacon as a whole. But that would have involved not blowing Beacon up to fuck and then having the writers go ‘uh, what do we do now?’ so what the hell do I know.

OOUGH THIS BLACK VELVET,,, HHH,,,, MURPHY’S OTP IS HERE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“What should we do with him?” [Blake] looked at Velvet.

Kill him... and then... kiss....................................

“I don’t believe in fighting prejudice with violence,” Velvet said.

I wish y’all could have heard the sound I made at that. Canon Velvet you’re just so... soggy bread about this.

Blake shook her head. “that’s not how we deal with people like him where I come from.”

Blake yr so HOT... hey you should teach Velvet how you deal with people like him and then kiss. That said, are they talking about Menagerie there? Or the Fang? If it’s Menagerie, that’s even funnier because I love the idea of an idiot running their mouth and then having five families and a baby wail on them.

Blake hates dog-ears in their books. Bad news, asshole, it’s the BEST way to mark PAGES bookmarks are for the UPPER CLASSES who don’t realise BOOKS are TOOLS of EDUCATION--

Anyway. Moving on-- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG.

Yang beat the assholes up anyway I love her!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER SIX

Back with Velvet. Blessing or curse? Who knows.

Edward and Gus make for an. Interesting duo. This plot hasn’t captured my interest crazy well, and if I didn’t know this was RWBY and such I’d probably pass on it ‘cause it’s pretty... eh, but I do like their Semblances and this could’ve been a pretty decent side-plot thing in the show! Such as in My Hero Academia with, uh, whats-his-name... Eraserhead. I dunno. I’m thinking this was a good idea that hasn’t had enough space to breathe.

Emotions are Flying High and Whomst will be the first to crack like Egg? I am liking the method of raising tempers because everything’s a little sloppier and unpredictable! Also, that’s the end of chapter si-- what? Wait, chapter six was only ten pages? Yeesh.

For all in-tents and porpoises, I am tryna keep track of OOC moments, but having everyone be out-of-sorts is making is pretty hard to track. Rip.

CHAPTER SEVEN, I GUESS?

We’re with Yatsu again, and he’s talking about his Semblance to... make people forget shit! I still don’t know why this is his Semblance, or the use of it anyway, but whatever! I’m in this cart and the horse ain’t stopping until M+K says so!

I’m with Velvet here; why is she constantly being relegated to the backseat? Coco needs to fuckin’ get her shitte together on this front. Even Fox said earlier than he has to stop underestimating her, but they’re still doing it now.

OH MY GOD THERE’S A GRIMM JACKALOPE??? Holy shit I’m losing all of my marbles shouldn’t these guys have, like, other names????????????? No??? Okay!!!!

Battle scene. I’m not hot on combat in writing because I find it. Kinda boring. But it is what it is so I’m speed-running it.

And so ends chapter seven. I’m gonna stop here because. I want to! I feel like this story is very short and it could’ve already had more to it than this faffery in the desert, but that’s just me!!!!!! I guess!!!!!!!!!!! Next time: another flashback to the goddamn dance.

[dcarevu]

Batman TAS: Terror in the Sky

“Don’t you get it yet, Batman? You failed.”

Episode: 45 Robin: No Writer: Mark Saraceni (teleplay/story) and Steve Perry (story) Director: Boyd Kirkland Animator: Dong Yang Airdate: November 12, 1992 Grade: F

Ouch. Y’know, at least I’ve Got Batman in My Basement had fun stuff for the kiddies and an absolutely hilarious screwdriver duel. What does this episode have for anyone once they know the plot twist? I can’t think of a single thing. Not a single thing. Nothing stuck with me. Nothing is here that I care about seeing again. No killer lines. No great action scenes. Only a mildly good twist, and, well, it does have the incredibly cute scene from the She-Bat eating the fruit at the beginning, but really, this episode’s crime is just being flat out boring. I might even call it my least favorite episode so far. As if all this weren’t enough, this is the third episode within the last four to predominantly feature a human transforming into some type of creature-person hybrid. It doesn’t start off at the zoo again, thank the lord, but why this theme again? Twice that close together was pushing it. Yeah, seeing Langstrom a few episodes ago helps, it gives us a sense of continuity and story-ark, but I wanna see some other things from the world of Batman. I really like Man-Bat too, and a return sounds amazing on paper. Yet, while watching, I found myself looking at the time. What went so wrong?

Like I said, that fruit-eating bit was adorable. I really hope there’s a gif of that somewhere. After that, we see She-Bat going back to Langstrom’s house, and Langstrom jolts awake. Everything seems normal, and we are tricked into thinking that it was all a bad dream. Unfortunately, Langstrom gets up and finds scratches and fruit-splatter all over a throw-rug. This leads him to believe that he is turning back into the Man-Bat creature at night, and he simply doesn't remember it. But here’s what I wanna know. Why do they never notice his wife’s torn-up clothes? Does she never wake up to realize that all she’s wearing is tatters? This never sets off any red flags for either of them? That’s a bit of a plot-hole if I do say so myself. Also, his wife in this scene is wearing a shirt, which the bat-creature clearly was lacking. I know they had to fool us somehow, and they can’t show nekkid boobies on the show, but they coulda kept her covered up. I also thought it was pretty cold how she told Langstrom to just go back to sleep. Wow, how comforting.

When you walk through the house at night and you step in animal-piss.

Batman hears about the bat-creature, and pays Langstrom a visit in his laboratory. At the same time, his wife discovers the torn-up rug, and realizes what is apparently happening. So they both get pissed at him, and his wife threatens to leave him, which I understand, considering they both think that he’s screwing around with the Man-Bat formula again. Langstrom tells Batman, though, that he hasn’t messed with it at all, and that Batman’s antidote must have been a failure. In general he acts pretty unappreciative toward Batman. And I know that he’s stressed and likely feels like he’s being targeted, but he fails to remember that without Batman’s help, he’d be in a lot worse shape, likely contained. Batman saved your ass, and even if the antidote didn’t quite get you to a normal life, it at least did something. So, to prove that Langstrom isn’t messing with the formula, and that he’s changing involuntarily, Batman takes a DNA test. Planning on comparing it to the bat-creature, okay, but you’re 99.99% sure that it’s Langstrom with the wings. You want to make sure that he’s not doing it on purpose. Taking a DNA test would be to see who the creature is. From a writing perspective, I get it, but from Batman’s perspective, he shouldn’t need to do that. His logical conclusion should be to first, do some detective work, spying on Langstrom and his laboratory activities, and second, figure out why he’s changing again.

Batman runs into the bat-creature while outside on his motorcycle, and we get a fight which basically consists of Batman getting pelted with a garbage can a few times. Boyd Kirkland puts out some good stuff sometimes, but this directing is so boring! I swear, nothing interesting-looking ever happens  on screen in this entire episode! Remember On Leather Wings? Remember how dynamic some of those moments were? And to up the boringness a little more, it’s all snowy. Okay, cool change of environment. But when you do nothing with it, this leads to us looking at a lot of bland whites and grays, in addition to the brown of the bat.

After the two fight, there is a chase scene that you might as well fast-forward through, and it ends with, of course, Batman heading right toward a train on his motorcycle. Enough with the trains, it’s getting so cliché. Every time someone is on a train track in this show, just expect a train to inconveniently show up. Even Batman seems sick of it here. This is a scene where Batman is speeding through the snow and ice, being chased down by a giant bat that possibly wants to kill him. How about a more exciting way to end it? Luckily, though, the fight/chase allows Batman to pick up some hair from the creature, and he tests it, proving that Langstrom isn’t the bat. Of course, he now thinks that Dr March is the bat. At least that’s a logical conclusion. When Batman gives Langstrom the news, we learn that his wife has actually left him, and is boring a plane to some undisclosed location. Despite this, it’s really cool how he offers to help Batman catch the new Man-Bat. Batman says that he can handle it, though, so Langstrom heads off to find his wife and explain to her what is going on.

When Batman confronts Dr. March, Dr. March insists that he’s not responsible for the Man-Bat either, because he spilled the improved solution on the floor. But he remembers that his daughter (who is also Langstrom’s wife) helped him clean it up, and in the process, she cut her finger and exposed her blood to the solution. Girl, you’re in a laboratory working with chemicals. Wear gloves if you’re gonna clean up a mess that contains broken glass. Or wear gloves anyway! Duh! So it’s revealed that Francine is the new Man-Bat (or in this case, She-Bat), and it’s a twist that might surprise you your first watch, but it’s not gonna blow you away either. And as I said, once you know it, the episode is basically worthless. And you wouldn’t think so! Because now we shift to the airplane that Francine is on, and she mentions that she doesn’t feel so well. Great! We’re gonna get to see her transform into the bat and go berserk on a crowded plane, right? Well, kinda. After a terribly-animated transformation scene where she looks like one of Spielberg’s gremlins, she leaves the plane, creating a drop of cabin-pressure, and everyone is afraid that they’ll be sucked right out the door. Sounds exciting, but believe me, it’s not. It all feels so low-key considering the situation, and I have to point to Boyd Kirkland again. Dong Yang does no favors, though, because even though this is their episode, it 100% looks like Akom-work. Yeah. You see the problem. I really wish that instead of attempting a scene like this and failing, they would have tried another idea. This is one that I had. So, Langstrom is on the plane that his wife is supposed to be on. He saw her get on it. But when on the plane, he doesn’t see her. The episode would then call back to the Twilight Zone episode Nightmare at 20,000 Feet, and he’d see her outside on the wing. How she got there wouldn’t matter, and it would be a really fun moment. That's my way of how to improve the episode. By the way, after She-Bat escapes, Batman pulls up in his plane and rescues a woman from falling out with the Bat-Plane’s grabby arm. The whole thing is preposterous-looking, and I refuse to believe that, as a pilot, Batman has that much dexterity. Get outta here.

And then the rest of the episode is another chase sequence. Fun. Except this time it’s the Bat-Plane chasing She-Bat. I’m not someone who’s against the Bat-Plane or anything, I think that it has its uses. But, similar to the 1989 Batman, it can be so boring to watch. The chase feels like it goes on forever, and when it ends, Batman injects her with the antidote, and everything is right with the world. So with that, Batman takes off, leaving Kirk and Francine Langstrom up on a snowy, slippery bridge, doomed to freeze to death or fall. That basically sums it up. On the bright side, Char didn’t dislike the episode. She didn’t like it either, but I’m glad that I wasn’t insulting her time.

Get a load of this goofy shot.

“You’re on your own, guys.”

Char’s grade: C Next time: Almost Got’ im

Full episode list here!

[dukereviewsmovies]

Duke Reviews: The Fast And The Furious

Hi Everyone, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews, Where I Realize That It's Been A While, I Know I Haven't Done Anything With This Page In A While (Mainly Because Of My Other Tumblr Pages And For Those I Suggest You Check Out Power Rangers/Sentai Reviews (prreviews) Duke Reviews TV (dukereviewstv) Oncer Reviews (oncerreviews) And Arrowverse Reviews (arrowversereviews)) But I Hope To Do More Because As Of Today I Am Back With New Reviews On The Fast And Furious Movies...

I Say The Fast And Furious Movies As I'm Going To Be Going Over All Of Them And Not Just Do 4 Movies And Make A Month Out Of It, That Made Me Feel Compressed For Time And I Really Don't Want To Feel Like That When Doing This, I'm Gonna Do This The Way I Want To. So, The Fast And The Furious...

Starring Vin Diesel And The Late Paul Walker This Film...Well, I Would Talk About The Plot But That Would Spoil Some Twists That Happens In The Movie So, No Plot For This Episode...

But Instead Let's Get Right To The Fast And The Furious...

The Film Starts As Some People With Helmets And Fast Cars Hijack A Truck Full Of Electronic Goods...

The Next Morning, We Meet Brian Spillner (Played By The Late Paul Walker) Who Stops By Toretto's Market And Cafe Where Mia (Played By Dallas' Jordana Brewster) Works With Her Brother, Dom (Played By Vin Diesel) But When Dom's Crew (Which Includes Dom's Longtime Girlfriend, Letty (Played By Lost's Michelle Rodriguez) Vince (Played By Matt Shultze) Who Is Sort Of The Muscle, Jesse (Played By Chad Lindberg) Who's The Brains And Leon (Played By Johnny Strong) Who's Just There, He's Not The Brains Or The Muscle, He's Just There) Arrives On The Scene, Vince Gets Into A Fight With Brian (When He Doesn't Like Brian Flirting With Mia) Which Forces Dom To Get Involved...

What Kind Of Fight Song Is That?

That's Got To Be The Worst Song I've Ever Heard In A Fight Scene...

Telling Brian To Never Come Back Here, Brian Says That That's Bull But Knowing That Brian Works An Autoshop With A Friend Of His Named Harry, Dom Tells Brian That He's Fired. Going Down To Harry's, He's Mad At Brian, Saying That He's Messing Around With His Buisness...

He's Good, Man! Really Good...

Telling Harry, He Needs Nos...

Nos? What's Nos?

Researching This I Discovered That Nos Is Another Word For Nitrous Oxide Otherwise Known As Laughing Gas...

However, It Is Used In This And Other Motor Sports As A Rocket Propellant...

However, Harry Knows That Brian Is A Amateur And Isn't Ready For Nos Just Yet But Needing It Now Brian Tells Harry To Place 2 Containers In His Vehicle. That Night, Brian Goes To A Street Race That He Knows That Dom And His Crew Will Be At There He Meets Edwin (Played By Rapper Ja Rule) And Hector (Played By That One Guy Who's Known For Playing Mexican Gangsters In Movies) I'm Serious That's All He's Known For, But I Guess It's Better Than Saying The Guy That Got A Monkey Out Of His Ass In Bruce Almighty...

(Start Video At 1:06)

When Dom Arrives, Everyone Places Their Cash In Except For Brian Who Places The Pink Slip To His Car, Stating That If He Wins He Takes The Cash And The Respect...

Looking At His Car, Dom Accepts His Terms As They All Drive To Where The Race Is At.

With All The Racers At The Starting Line, The Race Begins!..

Activating The First Nos Canister, Brian Passes Edwin And Another Racer But When He Activates The Second Canister, He Loses The Bottom Of The Back Of His Car As He Passes Dom, But Dom Gets The Better Of Brian By Activating His Nos Canister...

But As Brian Finally Makes It To The Finish Line, The Police Start Showing Up Which Causes Everyone To Get The Hell Outta There, Ditching His Car, Dom Is Nearly Arrested By Police, However He Is Saved By Brian Who Says He Only Saved Him In An Effort To Keep His Car...

Losing The Police, Dom Tells Brian He Had Jesse Do Research On Him Discovering That Brian Did 2 Years In Juvie For Boosting Cars...

But They're Soon Followed By A Rival Gang On Motorbikes With Machine Guns That Is Led ByJohnny Tran (Played By Rick Yune) And His Cousin, Lance (Played By Grimm's Reggie Lee)

Saying That They Just Got Lost, Tran Lets Dom Go However...

They Place Bullets In Brian's Car, Setting The Nos On Fire And Causing The Car To Blow Up...

With A Long Walk Home, Dom Explains His History With Tran To Brian, As It Turns Out That It Was A Buisness Deal That Went Sour, Plus He Slept With Tran's Sister

Arriving At Dom's House, Dom Tells Brian To Come In For A Drink Before He Gets Mad At His Crew For Not Going Out And Finding Him...

With Dom Going Upstairs With Letty To Give Her A Massage Which Is Code For...

Saving Brian From Another Fight With Vince, Mia Talks With Brian In The Kitchen...

The Next Day, Brian Is Arrested By Police And Is Taken Back To A Safehouse Where It's Revealed That Everything We Know About Brian Is A Lie!

Turns Out His Real Name Is Brian O'Connor And He Is An LAPD Officer Who Is Involved In A Joint Mission Between The LAPD And The FBI To Find Out Who The Gang That Has Been Stealing Electronic Goods Is And To Arrest Them

The Officer That Arrested Him Is Sergeant Tanner (Played By Ted Levine Who Played The...

Guy In Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom) And Is The LAPD Officer In Charge Of The Mission And The Black Guy Is The FBI Agent Bilkins (Played By Thom Barry) Who I Suggest You Get Used To Seeing As He's In The Next Movie As Well...

They Go Over A Bit Of Exposition Stating That People That Are Good With Precision Driving With Three Honda Civics With Green Neon Glow Beneath The Chassis And Have Mashimoto Z-X Tires Have Done 4 Truck Hijackings In 2 Months And If They Don't Have Something Soon They'll Have A Revolt Of Truckers On Their Hands...

But Despite Knowing That The Street Racing World Revolves Around Dom, Brian Doesn't Think That He's The One Behind These Attacks But He May Know Who Does All He Needs Is Time...

But Bilkins Says That Brian Doesn't Have Time...

Before Brian Leaves, Tanner Warns Brian To Be Careful Around Dom As He Nearly Beat A Guy To Death...

Getting Another Car From Tanner..,

And A Shitty One At That...

He Gives It To Dom Saying It's His Car...

Telling Jesse To Pop The Hood, Shows Dom To Not Judge A Book By It's Cover...

Dom Tells Brian That When He's Not Working At Harry's, He's Working At His Garage...

We Get A Brief Montage Of Dom And The Crew Buying Stuff From Harry's For The Car, While Jesse Shows Brian What The Car Will Look Like When The Car Is Finished...

Going To A Barbecue At Dom's House, Vince Takes Off The Minute He Sees Brian But Let's Not Put A Damper On This Scene As Everyone Sits Down To Eat We See One Of Dom's Traditions Which Is Whenever Somebody Grabs Food First That Somebody Has To Say Grace...

Just They Eat, Vince Arrives Mainly Because He's Hungry And Not Because He's Dropped His Beef With Brian...

Helping Mia With The Kitchen, Brian Asks Mia Out But Despite Her Saying She Doesn't Go Out With Her Brother's Friends She Does This When Vince Bosses Around Brian Again...

The Next Day, Hector Visits Harry's Shop For Equipment For 3 Honda Civics...

This Is Starting To Get Suspicious...

That Night, Brian Sneaks To Hector's Hangout Over Near The El Gato But Unfortunately The Cars Don't Match The Description. Getting Out, He Is Caught By Vince Who Takes Him To Dom Who Demands An Explanation Which Is Where Brian Tells Him That He Was Only In Hector's Garage To Analyze The Competition For The Upcoming Race Wars...

Despite Vince Believing He's A Cop, Dom Takes Both Brian And Vince To Johnny Tran's Where Dom And Vince Look At Tran's Car To See That It Has No Engine But Brian Is More Interested In All The Electronics That Tran Has...

But They Get A Call From Jesse Who Says That Tran And His Gang Are On Their Way Back A Fence Named Ted Who Was Supposed To Get Them An Engine For Their Car But He Didn't So They Decide To Torture Him...

Telling Tanner And Billkins What He Saw, Billkins Wants To Move On Tran Believing That They Have Enough But Brian Wants Hard Evidence Before They Do...

He Also Mentions That Hector's A Dead End And Dom Is Too Controlled For This, Vince Maybe But Not Dom, This Leads Tanner To Show Brian A Picture Of The Guy Dom Beat Up Years Ago...

That Afternoon, Brian Works At The Garage With Dom As He Tells Him That Tonight Is His Date With Mia...

Wow, Not One For Subtlety, Are You Dom?

Taking Brian To His Garage At His House, Dom Shows Brian A 1970 Dodge Charger That He Worked On With His Father When He Was A Kid, It's Here We Learn That Dominic's Father (Who Was A Pro Stock Racer) Was Killed By A Fellow Racer Named Kenny Linder Who Knocked Into A Wall (Which Set His Car On Fire) And That The Man That Dom Attacked Was Linder Which Leads To The Best Line Of The Entire Movie...

Taking Mia Out, She Tells Brian The Story How How Dom And The Gang Met, Saying That Vince Knew Dom Since They Were Kids And Letty Was Basically The Girl Next Door Who Was Interested In Car But Could Never Get Dom's Attention But Then She Turned 16...

So, Their Relationship Is Basically Like Phineas And Isabella's...

And Jesse And Leon Just Showed Up One Night And Never Ever Left. Mia Then Compares Her Brother To Gravity Stating That Everyone Who Comes Around Him Gets Pulled In, But Brian Tells Mia That The Only Thing That Pulled Him In Was Her...

Meanwhile, Another Heist Goes Down Which Makes Bilkins Decide To Move On Tran In 1700 Hours, And They Let Brian Know About This As He's Screwing Mia...

Bad Timing, Guys...

The Arrest Of Tran And His Boys Looks Similar To The Baptism Scene In The Godfather To The Point That All That's Missing Is The Murders And It Could Use A Guy With A Horse Head On His Bed...

And If You Thought Brian Having Sex With Mia Was Hot During The Raid We Get Scenes Of Dom Having Sex With Letty, She Was Hot In Girlfight So Why Not?

However, Tran And His Boys Are Innocent, Turns Out The Electronics Are Legal And All They Got On Them Is Low Rent Weapons Charges And Outstanding Speeding Tickets, Bilkins Tells Brian To Bring Toretto In In 36 Hours Or He Can Get A New Job.

Knowing That Brian Can't Look Past Dom Because Of Mia, Brian Tells Tanner That Knows Dom Won't Go Back To Jail Easy...

With The Car Ready And Raring To Go, Dom And Brian To A Test Run Down To The Coast Where They Stop By This Restaurant Called Neptune's Her Where Brian Tells Dom That He Knows He's Doing Something On The Side To Pay For Everything And He Wants In, Dom Tells Brian To Win Race Wars Then They'll Talk...

And What Can I Say About Race Wars? It's A Mix Of Woodstock And Coachella Except No Music Just Racing...

With Letty Racing First, She Beats The Hell Out Of This Ass That Tried To Hit On Her...

You Just Got Owned, Pal...

Meeting With Brian, Jesse Tells Him That He's Up Next In A Pink Slip Race, That Is The Good News, The Bad News Is That He's Driving His Jailbird Dad's Jetta And That His Competitor Is Johnny Tran....

Can't Wait To See How This Goes Down...

Yep, Jesse Loses But He's Like No Way In Hell I'm Giving Up My Dad's Car And Drives Off Til He's Out Of Fuel...

I Have A Feeling We Won't Be Seeing Him For A While...

Telling Dom To Get Jesse's Car For Him, Dom Tells Tran To Watch Who He's Talking To Which Is When Tran Tells Him That S.W.A.T Raided His House...

Shermar Moore Was At Your House, Boy, I Wish I Was There...

Thinking That Dom Was Behind It, Dom Gets Into A Fight With Tran...

That Night, Brian Watches Dom And The Others Take Off To Go On Another Heist Which Leads Brian To Confront Mia On It Forcing Him To Tell Her That He's A Cop..

(Start At 3:41 And End At 3:44)

Despite Telling Her That Everything He Felt For Mia Was Real, Brian Tells Her That The Truckers Aren't Laying Down Anymore And That If She Cares About Dom And The Crew She'll Help Him...

Mia Tells Brian Where The Cats Are Stashed But Brian Knows That The Highway Where They Are Is Too Well Patrolled So, He Decides To Do A Cell Phone Trace...

Driving Up To The Cars, Dom's Ready To Go But The Others Don't Feel Right Doing This Without Jesse But Dom Doesn't Want To Give Up On This One Saying That It's The Motherlode That They've Been Waiting For. So, Getting In The Cars They Ride Off...

But As They Go To Pull Their Heist, The Driver Tries To Shoot Vince With A Shotgun Vince Tries To Untether But He's Just Stuck...

Eventually Though Vince Gets Tossed To The Side Where His Arm Gets Stuck, Dom And Letty Try To Save Him But Dom Loses A Tire And Letty Gets Sideswiped Off The Road With Dom Telling Leon To Go Check On Her...

Dom's Engine Gets Hit Causing Him To Pull Off The Road But Luckily Brian Arrives With Mia To Save Vince...

With Dom Arriving, Letty And Leon Drive Out Of This Movie And With Only Letty And Vince Returning For Sequels We Say Goodbye To Leon. We Hardly Knew Ye...

With Vince Bleeding Out, Brian Calls The Police To Bring An Ambulance While Also Blowing His Cover. Returning To Dom's House, Brian Confronts Dom Saying There's Nowhere To Run But Dom Tells Him That He's Not Running Because He Has To Find Jesse Before Tran Does But Luckily Jesse Finds Them...

With Tran And Lance Closing In, Dom, Brian And Mia Take Cover While Tran Kills Jesse...

With Both Dom And Brian Going After Tran, Tran And Brian Both Shoot At Each Other As Lance Goes Behind Brian To Shoot Him But Dom Stops Lance From Doing So By Causing Him To Jump Into A Field...

It All Eventually Ends When Tran Is Shot By Brian Killing Him Instantly. With Tran Dead, Brian Sets His Sights On Dom Who He Follows To A Railroad Track Where Dom Tells Him That He Used To Drag Race Here In High School And That On Green He's Going So, The 2 Decide To Race Each Other One Last Time Or Until Fast And Furious But That's A Different Story...

Jumping At The Track As The Train Is About To Cross, Dom's Charger Gets Hit By An Oncoming Truck Causing To Flip Out Of Control...

Surviving, Brian Lets Dom Take His Car Saying That He Owes Him A 10 Second Car And So Dom Rides Off To Fight Another Day...

And That's The Fast And The Furious And It's A Good Film....

The Cast And Story Are Great, The Stunts Are Fantastic, The Car Designs Are Amazing I Just Love This Series. A lot Of People Around My Mom's Age Say That These Films Are Just Violence , Sex Basically Stuff You Would Find In A Grand Theft Auto Game And While It Does Have Some Violence And A Few Sexy Scenes It's Not Just That Throughout The Entire Movie It's Much More Than That, So, I Say See It And Give It A Chance...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

[ofprcngs]

BRANDON ARREAGA — Well, if it isn’t JAMES POTTER, the GRYFFINDOR superstar. For those of you who don’t know HIM, you can spot them sitting with the other SEVENTH years. Most people think that they’re CHARMING and INCISIVE, but they can also seem pretty DEPENDENT and INEXORABLE. Sometimes people call them the SHEPHERD. Sure, they’re a PUREBLOOD, but that doesn’t define them. 

i literally have 0 explanation for why i did this other than i’m in love with him. but also, he’s a mess, so jot that down. if you wanna know more about him ( protip: don’t ) then i recommend checking out his pinterest and then i dunno.... contemplate why i’m a punk ass bitch, i guess. enjoy this mess. plot with me. ily.

james henry potter ( named for two his two grandfathers, maternal and paternal respectively ) was born on april 4th, 1960 to two of the most loving parents a child could have.

fleamont and euphemia had been trying for a child for years. they’d been together for basically all of time, having been that typical good-looking, well liked couple in hogwarts that everyone always just assumes will get married ( spoiler alert: they did ), however had had to postpone kids due to fleamont’s brief stint as a professional quidditch player for eight years following their graduation. after that, they would try every month for a child, and after many years of disappointment, eventually gave up. it was during this time that fleamont developed the sleekeazy hair potion which only added to their immense wealth. 

finally at age forty-one, they were surprised with the arrival of james. obviously, they saw him as their miracle child, and as such he was pampered and completely spoiled from the moment he was born.

i cannot stress enough how much this spoiled upbringing shaped james into the person he is today. if you’re wondering why he was ever an arrogant prick, it’s because he was always used to getting absolutely everything he ever wanted. he grew up with money, he grew up with fame and with every bit of attention he could garner, and so it was really no wonder he was a bit of an asshole by the time he started at hogwarts.

obviously, james had a pretty cushy childhood, and as such, shit didn’t start getting real until he started at hogwarts. 

it took all of three seconds for the hat to sort him into gryffindor, and i guess you could say he pretty much considered himself to be the gem of the house. he was the absolute epitome of a gryffindor, basically considered him the poster boy and all but expected everyone to love him.

really did not help his ego to know that everyone did.

in typical sterotype-gryffindor fashion, james hated slytherin. he had always been taught growing up that purists were basically the root of all evil, and his father had had no qualms in lumping all these people in with the house of the snakes. james and his friends took a particular disliking to severus snape almost immediately for the poncy way in which he seemed to believe he was superior to all for his intelligence and his house status, and this dislike only grew when lily evans was tossed into the mix, too.

for basically the first four or five years of hogwarts, james really was that stereotypical arrogant asshole that he’s often made out to be. he always got everything he asked for, he was incredibly popular and incredibly intelligent, he had the most amazing friends and his eyes on the most amazing girl. he was set!! shit was good!!

shit was not good, though. definitely was not. 

despite having known of remus’ furry little problem since second year, things didn’t really start to settle in james how awful it was until third or fourth year. he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated that he couldn’t help, and so he rallied the boys to put into action their worst plan yet!!!!

becoming animagi!!!!!!

it took fucking forever, obviously, but by the end of fourth year they did it!! we stan icons

except then in fifth year shit hit the fan again in just, like... so many ways

first, it was the whole severus ‘mudblood’ situation. honestly, james was absolutely furious. he’d always hated snape but this just made everything 1000 times worse. even if it had happened to anyone else, he would have been fuming. but for it to have happened to lily like... yikes. 

this was also a horrible time for james though because lily rejected him for the thousandth time. like, look, what a yikes thing to think when she was just called a mudblood, but frankly he was sick of being rejected and he was sick of being the asshole who kept pressuring her so that was the breaking point --- he gave up on her. 

and tbh, he changed a lot from here on out. grew up!! became a better person bc he saw how horrible snap was and decided he was sick of horrible people!! saw, recognised and acknowledged that just bc he was hot and intelligent and rich he wasn’t always going to get everything he wanted ( see: miss evans ) and just generally learned that oh shit the world doesn’t revolve around him!!!

oh and then there was that whole thing with sirius and snape and Remus the Werewolf and ohhhh boyyyy.... that infuriated him. 

he loves his bros so much and y’all know he would die for them, but to see his friend abuse remus’ pain and suffering for his own gain was heart wrenching. it just pushed him further to pull him in line, to realise that not everything was about games, or petty rivalry, or ‘ getting the girl ’ --- life  heartache and mistakes and it was never going to go the way he wanted it to.

now look, this isn’t all to say that james is now a Super Strict, Super Intense, Brooding Weirdo. he’s still a bit of a child, and he’s still a bit of an arrogant prick, but ultimately what wins out is his morals --- every time. he wants to lead the world to a better place, without war and without hate, he wants everyone to have the same opportunities he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than for blood purity to be eradicated.

get that shit outta my house!!! gross!!!!!!

now in his final year, james is always flipping between taking his role as head boy deadly serious and turning it into one big game of mischief. he’s still a marauder at heart, after all, and has definitely abused his power sometimes for the benefit of fun and games, but when it comes down to it, he can be very strict and lowkey paternal. the leader really just.... popped right outta him, it came to play and it came hard, and really you’d think he’s minister for magic with how serious he treats it sometimes.

i hate him.

he’s a lot less intense with his hatred for slytherin’s. he has come to recognise that not everyone from that lifestyle is going to be the same, not everyone who grew up a certain way or was sorted into a certain house is going to think with a deadly mind, and while he’s still a bit wary, he’s a lot more relaxed about it, especially as head boy ( gotta at least pretend shit’s fair !!! )

ok i’m so tired this is abt to turn into a rambling mess 

uHhhHHh he’s very dependent as in like... boi cannot go a week without his friends. he is used to having people to bounce off, that’s always the type of leader he has been, and as much as he would probably be amazing at anything on his own, he’s never really tried. too scared!! i hate him!!!!!

super unforgiving. like, if you have gotten on his bad side.... i’m sorry. it is going to be very difficult to return from there. his moral compass is pretty black and white, you’re either good or your bad, and if you’ve done something he considers bad wELL sucks to be you, i guess. sorry not sorry.

takes his quidditch very seriously tbh. so many people have told him he needs to be a pro like his dad, but he’s like haha fuck you i know what i wanna do ( hint hint: he wants to rule that goddamn auror office, make that shit far more efficient then he thinks it is now ). but srsly, he’s so intense abt the game and it really like... idk gets him in the zone, keeps him level-headed in amongst all this chaos. 

i don’t know what im saying anymore pls send help

uhhhhh he’s smart. i guess. straight a’s and shit idk. just very naturally intelligent, finds everything he does easy, like.. really is that asshole who is just good at everything he does.

i’ve run out of things to say, pls just love him

WANTED CONNECTIONS

girlfriend: i hate to expose myself as a whole ass jily stan but... here i am i guess. but also, listen: he really thinks he’s over her right now. like, he truly believes his days of pestering lily evans are behind him. it was just a crush! it’s gone! ( spoiler alert: it’s not ) BUT he is so convinced that he has got himself into this relationship which is really just... a mess. like highkey it’s obvious he could never fully love her bc his Heart Belongs to Lily or whatever but he does care for her deeply and has tricked himself into believing it’s love. it’s hard, man. he’s confused. send help.

ex-girlfriend(s): more of above but like... less intense? or more intense! who knows, frankly.

childhood friend(s): i’d die for childhood friends. jake/gina dynamic? iconic. just anything, really.

odd friend: ok like... as i mentioned, he’s still kinda wary of slytherins and ppl who grew up in purist culture, but i would love love love to see someone who was one of the first to show him that not all those people are so bad. like someone from a purist family or the like who was just chill and friendly and actually befriended this asshole even when he was... well, an asshole. it’d be fun, ig. also if they eventually do end up recruited for the de’s bc of family stuff or whatever... bonus points.

rivals: i’m tired. you understand.

[choric]

( park jimin - demimale, he/they ) — did you see noeul han walking down the street? the twenty-three year old has lived here for three weeks. i heard they’re an aspiring painter & a part-time barista now, time sure flies. gooey by glass animals always did remind of them, maybe it’s because they’re so audacious & charitable. though i did hear they can also be commanding & capricious if you catch them on a bad day.

hey babes drum-roll it’s admin fany here to welcome yall~ with some random info about me I guess uh so I’m 26, living in northern europe, most of the time dying bc I’m not made for these hot ass summers, other times just being distracted twelve times outta ten jsyk I’m not ignoring anyone my attention span is just in the negatives. or I’m playing overwatch. or subnautica when I’m feeling particularly masochistic.  would drop dead without tea. ye. that’s all for today folks

anyway here’s Noeul’s profile if you wanna peep also a very messy plot page aaaand I’m gonna ramble about him now uwu

tw: emotional abuse, tw: assault ( kinda brief mentions, esp the assault, I tried keeping it safe )

born in Seoul but his family moved to USA when he was barely 6. they moved around a l o t since then but stayed within the borders. save for one weird year in France back in 2010

he haTED it. all the constant moving around and starting at new schools with new people trying to get new friends and find new hobbies and leaving pretty much everything behind so often just stressed the hell out of his young self and he was in a perpetual state of over-emotional about the whole ordeal and angry and bitter and yeah. not having a good time

over the years he managed to find ways to cope with it, drawing and painting being a major thing as it was one of very few things he could just continue without any special arrangements made or it feeling different. putting all that bent up negativity on paper was helpful in itself so he stuck with it without much thought then, clinging into a lifeline of one constant in a sea of variables

later on it morphed from being less of a therapeutic activity and more one of him being able just flow with creativity, paint with a less personal agenda and enjoy it way more too ( not to say he doesn't still use it as a form of escapism too )

reading was another thing he found enjoyment in, especially during his early teenage years. that is something he doesn't engage that often in anymore however

his parents didn’t really care about what hobbies he took on ( even with painting carrying throughout the years he ended up trying a whole slew of other things too ) until it became apparent he was actually considering art as a legit career path. neither agreed it being a good idea but they didn’t flat out deny him either.. just were very patronising about it for months and by that time he had come to actual decision of going through with it out of pettiness alone lmao. which of course served nothing but to legit piss them off and led to a number of arguments they still have to this day yikes

his parents entire view on life seemed to be there was no point getting attached to anything, sentimentality was a flaw and you could just buy everything you needed again without much care for what was left behind. especially his mom had a lot of emotionally abusive ways to steer his life in the direction she wanted, but giving just enough freedom for him to think he had a say in anything. not to say she wasn’t supportive and encouraging too but he honest to god can’t tell now how much of it was genuine. she was especially fond of using subtle blackmail in form of referring to her own feelings and how his actions will upset her, occasionally bursting into a loud tirade which was then quickly pushed to the side without any apologies for making him in turn upset so boy was always just on edge. this still happens but he pretty much only communicates with her through calls anymore so, Noeul just hangs up when she starts acting up. his dad was more the type to not involve himself into his hobbies and likes or anything at all he only cared about academic plans.

that all messed him up big time in his younger years bc he was inherently just very attached to everything and everyone but now.. it’s almost the complete opposite, enough repetition and shit will stick I guess cause he has next to no sentimental feelings towards anything, in turn actually loves travelling and meeting new people now. partially also cause he doesn’t feel obligated to uphold anything or allow himself being chained down, he treats everything like it’s fleeting, but not without care– don’t assume he doesn’t care when that’s something he does in abundance actually. he just.. accepts nothing lasts forever. ironic enough he’s adopted far too many of his parent’s habits to count now but has grown more tender with the experiences rather than cold. probably a miracle in itself. hella guarded about his feelings tho

so yeah he moved to LA ( parents were at the time both living in NYC ) for art school and got that bachelor of fine arts degree, graduating just spring last year and has no desire to further those studies cause screw school he’s done with institutions for a decade

also his parents filed for divorce while he was at it. before he was even done with freshman year. wasn’t all too surprising nor did he have anything to really say about it, except the times mom called him whilst drunk and essentially blamed it on him being a bad son :/// his dad’s fucked off somewhere he hasn’t heard whole lot from him in last three years beside birthday texts and money transfers to his bank account. and subtle messages through mom about how he expects him to clean up one of these days. meanwhile mom mostly contacts just to check he’s alive & doing well financially while slipping in vague ‘if you would have just listened to me‘s and ‘when will you come to your senses’s >_>

forgot to mention his dad’s a CEO of a small airline company. don’t ask me what his mom does idk prob some manager of a huge ass successful online shop?? something along those lines

will not speak about them if asked tbh don't expect anything other than "they're alive."

does not like announcing his ( their ) wealth to the world either and tries not to make decisions that could reflect that but something always has to give in the end. like he’s just way too happy to blow money on other people no matter how subtle he tries to be about it and often like his parents buys new stuff instead of finding ways to bring his old along, some of his clothes are also a dead giveaway it’s not so much that he specifically purchases anything cause it’s designer but if it looks nice he doesn’t see it as any different buying from any other store around. smells awfully lot like privilege but he’s unapologetic in getting exactly what he wants, it’s not his problem if someone takes offence to that

kind of also hates that he’s so dependant on parent’s money still but has made peace with it by giving away and works twice as hard for his own stuff, regardless if it yields anything cause he’s not doing this whole painting thing as a means to gain money ( would like to, but alas, it’s a tricky career path ) more from pure passion for the art

and noeul def is not gonna tell them to stop sending him cash he'll just have fun spending it in all the shit they'd hate-- even if they've basically set conditions but weird enough haven't cut him off yet.  guess that really is the only thing they can give him and they know it too :)) 

so. doesn’t actually like sitting idle even tho he all but could, yet cannot happily place himself in an establishment with very strict 9 to 5 shifts and such, so if and when he takes on extra work occasionally it’s always part-time, and for own personal gratification

in the case of him recently taking on a spot as a part-time barista here in acarike ( started like, two days ago or something ) was also bc of keeping up appearances ( surely he would run out of money eventually? no, but no one needs to know that ) and getting to know some of the people around since his group of road-tripping friends have seriously decided to settle in

if anyone was wondering yes he has experience working in cafes, among other places. his parents abhorred him taking on such jobs at all cause “what was the point? are we not providing enough?” first of all did he ask?

I guess he is currently residing in the stardust motel?? but is looking for a place

for him travelling in the past few years has been sorta cathartic, inspiring if I dare say both in personal growth and in his work since he can decide on everything by himself, where he wants to go, for how long, for why etc

sometimes likes when he has company for that, other times he just needs to make a trip in solitary. altogether prefers meeting random people along the way

is a kind of odd friend, loyal, compassionate and all that but puts himself before anyone else. or rather puts his emotional and other needs before everything else. if he feels you’re the one getting more out of it than he is it’s not worth it sorry. very generous tho and sees it as his duty to help others in any way if it doesn’t inconvenience him. not unreliable but available only when it suits him. so unless it’s life threatening or emotional distress he will not drop everything for even a friend’s sake you can wait an hour or two. can make friends as quick as he drops them

might get a little inappropriately affectionate with friends. especially so when intoxicated

is an even weirder lover. he loves the idea and feeling of being in love and the emotional thrill of it. relationships are fun yeah but commitment?? not in his. vocabulary. to elaborate he lives for the push and pull and the suspense of it all and needs things to stay stimulating on all levels across the board when deepening relationships further while also being able to maintain a sense of own freedom. he craves the sort of emotional security and gratification it all brings but refuses to become dependant on it ( he knows how that will go ), furthermore does not like all the limitations it brings nor everything being perfect to the point of feeling fake??

tries to make it clear that he’s NOT looking for anything long term but even then people haven’t taken it well when he out of the blue announces they should stop whatever it is they’re doing. he always feels bad about it and tries to part in good terms but yeah :// many hearts have been broken. it’s probably even worse for the other person cause Noeul himself seems to have absolutely no problem continuing his life like nothing happened. all this has made him into a bit of a serial dater??

in whole he takes everything as they are, nothing is everlasting and he doesn’t try to make it so, doesn’t necessarily want to. values experiences but doesn’t get too hung up on letting go of them. including relationships. this is something a lot of people in his life wont understand and it’s frustrating for everyone involved sometimes but you gotta do what you gotta do. might be scared of opening up to people. of that attachment. maybe he’s actually just picky and is waiting for something out of the world magical who knows

repels all negativity as if his life depended on it like. add begone thot meme here

but can also be very confrontational so???

is actually in constant war with himself over positive and negative emotions but filters that out pretty handily. most of the time. cause uh absolutely will turn vicious and loud when angry. sensitive to criticism and personal attacks but gets over it quick enough. does hold grudges but mainly towards people whose opinion he cares about. strangers rarely phase him. has random emotion™ bursts but tbh only cries when being shouted at and/or being target of someone’s wrath-- OR when noeul's angry himself?? also lowkey dramatic but most of the time he’s just sorta chill and cheery, occasionally sarcastic but in a good-natured way he doesn’t mean ill with it. has very strong opinions on some things but doesn’t care if someone else sees it differently. as long as they’re not saying their way is the only right way. or if their reasoning is utter bullshit which he will call out then :))

negative people just make him laugh. will not take your ass seriously at all if you’re being a douche. used to take offence to these kinds of people all the time but he’s grown out of it and learned to simply ignore people who don’t deserve the time of his day. at least outwardly.

similarly used to be very.. well. lets say prone to letting people control and push him around cause that’s what he had learned to accept but whoo boy when he finally figured it out and took the reigns into own hands no one could stop him try it bitch

likes doing things in own terms in general, need for control has kinda taken off so will not take kindly to being ordered around in any manner. tries not to impose on other people or be pushy himself but cannot stand indecisiveness so. it happens. for better or for worse

in tune with his surroundings and current community of people if something’s off he can sense it and it will bug him to no end before it’s fixed. this could be anything from his room being in disarray to something going on in the city in whole

I ain’t saying he’s a psychic but actually stupid intuitive most cases WILL see through your bullshit don’t even try

…ok but lowkey into supernatural stuff and spirituality all that jazz he’s gone through it all while trying to find himself– which is a whole another can of worms we ain’t opening here

did I forget to mention noeul and co ( minho & jae ) rolled into town in this shiny big rv. he's def looking to buy a smaller car to drive around

not too keen on giving rides to strangers since this one time two summers ago that went south real fast when a guy pulled a knife on him. has a pretty big scar to show for it on his right side? tummy?? there’s a pic in the profile page if you’re curious. he jokes about it now "it adds character" but is actually terrified of that happening again so perpetually jumpy minho blames himself for it cause he's dumb

you can prob hear him coming 5 miles away with the amount of jewellery he adorns

don’t get me started on his wardrobe it’s a mixed bag and then some. gender norms belong into the fiery pits of a volcano

is equal parts a tea & coffee enthusiast basically lives off that stuff. i'm probably not even exaggerating here boy forgets to eat when he gets focused on something and just wolfs down a pot of coffee.

obsessed with watermelon flavoured lollipops probably has one on him at all times somehow magically pulls them outta thin air??

you can prob find him painting outside in the randomest places when the weather's nice

likes painting on people probably as much as painting them

it’s not an intimacy thing I swear. but. can be?? probably accidentally turns that way that’s just how he is

prefers either to focus on faces ( eyes specifically ) or nude models in general fcking @ him

this. is so long already I’m sorry omg

and that’s all I got my brains’ fried over this all but yo come plot with me pls also check my plots maybe orrr if you want me to check your plots ( I’d love to!! ) come poke me ay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[cleocazo]

Alt alt alt 😘😘

im abt to throw it right back w this one cause ,, even tho she was rly badly written w a rly bad concept, CHARLOTTE WINTERS my TWENTY TWO year old WEREWOLF is forever in my heart. charlie was sixteen yrs old when i created her in 2012 for a buffy the vampire forum rp - considerably younger than all the other characters there, which reflected my situation too. everyone in this rp, aside from one other guy, was like.. 25+. most were in their thirties. i was thirteen turning fourteen and they all KNEW this, but … none of them had any issue ? in fact they all rly took me under their wing and taught me the rp ropes so to speak, so charlie mightn’t be great, but she comes with some pretty neat memories. i don’t remember a lot of her backstory, tbh. i know her home life was rly bad, to the point where like… her dad. who was someone high up in the reopened initiative ( villains in the buffy universe who experiment on monsters ), performed a lot of experiments on her after she was bitten, which resulted in charlie not only turning on full moons but also likely to turn whenever, if her heart rate rose. she was kinda supposed to be a villain when i brought her in, fitting in to a need the rp had for “double agents” who were working for the villains but reporting on the heroes - but plot twist, that wasn’t what actually happened. the first part of the plan went off without a hitch: this little runaway wolf pulled the heartstrings of this older wolf, danna, who’d also had a rough childhood and run away, and she took her back to her house w her boyfriend michael and insisted on becoming her guardian. but then the og plan went to shit cause charlie grew to rly love danna, and when michael dropped the suspicion and got close to her, he became like.. big brother and father figure all wrapped into one for her. they introduced her to the rest of their pack - oz, cole & their young ward, chester ( charlie’s future love, bc they were the same age in similar situations and also, michael hated him, so it was a great dynamic ) - and everyone decided to accept charlie in. she was supposed to like. kill them, ig. and instead she deflected bc they gave her all the things she’d never had before ( love, a family, all the gooey stuff ). she softened up and started going to school w chester in like. ‘15. and she even saved his life after an attack and opened up and told everyone the truth abt her, and why she’d originally come - and everyone forgave her bc she’d never hurt them or tried to and it was just. super cute. i miss her everyday. 

SEND ME “ALT!” TO BE INTRODUCED TO AN OLD CHARACTER / ONE I WANT TO PLAY / ONE I’M PLAYING  !!

here u go, hannah, another free promo for sidekickhq - right now i am playing a phoebe tonkin fc named MONICA “NIKKI” BARTON, and she is the actual love of my life. nikki is the TWENTY THREE ( almost twenty four. its coming soon ) year old daughter of BARNEY BARTON, otherwise known as hawkeye’s trash brother who’s mostly a villain, sometimes just stupid - and outta every oc i’ve made in the last few yrs, i think she’s gotta be my fave. she’s totally human ( no special powers here ), and she’s had the worst life, so allow me to try n unpack it all: her dad’s an alcoholic and her mom was addicted to drugs, and after 3 yrs together they split up, her mom dragging her across state and away from permanent mess, barney. he didn’t have contact w her up until she was seven, coming back into her life w a court order and proceeding to try and make awkward conversation during every scheduled meet up. at eleven her mom fell of the wagon and overdosed - nikki came home, couldn’t unlock her bedroom door, and called her dad. she waited on the porch steps while he broke down the door and found her mom dead. the cops took her away and stuck her in the foster system, and for another three yrs her dad tried rly hard to get legal custody of her. that failed, so he just. kidnapped her. from the playground. great parenting, barney! they traveled for a lil while but eventually settled back in the rly rundown house that nikki had spent her first 3 yrs, and life was a whole ass mess from that point onwards. her dad kept drinking, she kept having to bail him out, she eventually dropped out of high school so she could make money to actually, y’know, survive, this led her into being a drug mule, and from there, can u believe, it actually gets worse. her boss was p paranoid, used to hit her if he thought she’d skimmed some product to feed what had now become a personal addiction, too, and her dad was still p nonexistent. she completed her GED and did some online courses but she was pretty stuck, ‘til she ended up in JAIL - this is another long story, but her boss got it in his head she’d stolen money that he had actually just not gotten, and drove to her house w all intent of killing her. in the resulting fight she hit him over the head w an iron doorstop and realizing he was dead, called the cops and waited for them on the porch ( some nice lil mirror imagery, there ). she’d only completed like. four yrs of her sentence, when her uncle clint finally got wind of what had happened and cut her a deal with shield - if she gave them info on her dad, who was still at large, then they’d let her go free ( tho free meant going to a monitored academy and not stepping outta line ). she agreed, the rest is history, i stan nikki barton so much. she’s SUCH a typical phoebe tonkin character i own that so u don’t have to drag me, but she’s rly also so good - and my fave thing is that her arc isn’t about her finding that goodness, or anything. she already knows who she is. her arc’s all abt slotting back in with family, and trying to find her footing in a world she feels she got cut off from, and tryna work out what she can do when up til now, she didn’t have any chances. she finally has a shot at some sort of good life - and i’m rly loving writing that. 

and now, a character i have created but am yet to play - BEATRICE ANNE HALLMAN, commonly known as BIBA, is a TWENTY THREE yr old human who’s just rly out here. living her life. biba suffered from a ventricular septal defect at birth, and though she survived the surgery she went through to fix that, has had some health issues for most of her life because of it. this could have led to her being someone afraid of . u know. pretty much everything. but it didn’t! she has dreams and she wants to achieve them, but she’s stuck for the time being cause. even tho she was a fighter, who survived a literal hole in her heart - she got kinda used to things getting handed to her cause of that ( #spoiled ), and she expected to get into the college of her dreams without putting forward much effort. she didn’t, so now she’s gone into windows shut down mode which is... give up and don’t do anything bc one thing didn’t go right and that means that she’s a failure who will never amount to anything. that’s not true, obviously, but she’s fairly content to believe it, and has spent the last couple years working as a bartender and taking part in productions put on in her local theater, which isn’t hollywood, but.. it’ll do! nothing is enough for biba and my fave thing about her is that even if she’s stuck right now it’s not gonna last forever and she will go to college and achieve something, she just needs to get her head outta her ass first and realize that even if she can’t do what she wants, it doesn’t mean she won’t get to where she wants to be, eventually. i stan!

[praphit]

Spider-Man: he's looking down... for sexy black women

Spider-Man fans are jerks!

JERKS!

Why? There was a lonnnnnnng wait for the first Spider-Man movie. There was a time when we didn't have a handful of comic book movies coming out every year. There was a time when putting on the tights was more of a risk. One man decided to take that risk, and be Spider-Man. That man was Tobey Maguire.

It's hard to be the first! But, Tobey took a chance, web-slinged, soared through the air... risked his career and LIFE for comic fandom, and what did we call him?

 - old and unfunny

The Spider-Man executives said "WAIT, what about his love interest Kirsten Dunst?!" They sexed her up in the rain, got her that upside down kiss action going on, and what did the people say to sexy ass Kirsten Dunst?

 –that she’a weird lookin.

Weird lookin! Nothing about her acting or the general casting, just...

"Get outta here, Dunst! - you’re weird lookin!"

And then they dropped her ass off of a building. I bet y'all didn't know things got that real on the set.

But, the Spider-Man executives said "Ok, we'll try again." They gave us Andy Garfunkel and his poofy hair.

The people said "Dang it! Get that old guy out of here! Not only is he old, but douchie!" - and to that.... I agree... a lil bit... a lil bit douchie.

They also talked about the fact that Emma Stone (his co-star and love

interest) looked 17 years old,

- and Andy looked about 37. A 37 year old Spider-Man, swinging into high schools banging teenagers. They started calling him Spider-Perv! That's messed up!

See? JERKS!

Now, Tom Holland is next up; let's see what he does with it.

We can't get on him for being old; he's the right age. He's a good actor, he can pull off the funny. He can pull off the nerdy. Imma tell you right off the bat, he's a damned good Spider-Man. And his love interest shouldn't be a problem, cuz although he does have one, she's not a huge part of the story. Plus... she's beautiful - like society standards beautiful... and she's African American!

 (FYI there are a couple of race changes within the characters, and it's awesome.

Finally, we have a Spider-Man in high school with brown people around. YES!) But, everyone has kinda buried the lead in talking about this movie.

SPIDER-MAN IS INTO BLACK WOMEN! That's what I'm talkin bout! Go head, Spider-Man!

I love this young version of Spider-Man, because we get to see how it is to be a hero through the eyes of a teenager for a change.

You know as we get older, we become jaded... there have been enough gloomy Spider-Men.

This Spidey is excited about everything: his powers, knowing the Avengers, possibly becoming an Avenger, saving people, his kickass suit (which I'll address in a sec), partying, building Star Wars Legos with his best friend (yeah, he's a super nerd), and of course chasing some black booty.

He's a typical kid, having fun and screwing up, that's like 90% of what he does... screwing up and getting beat up. It gets to the point where you're excited to see how he's going to mess things up this time. And a big part of that reason for screwing up (ignoring the fact that he's a kid!) is that he has a super Spidey suit, given to him by his surrogate, asshole, billionaire, absent father - Tony Stark.

I say "absent father" because he IS daddying him (which is crucial to the plot of the movie/series), but he's usually doing so from afar, and only shows up when Spidey has screwed up so much that it's starting to make Tony look bad. Yeah... super butthead. Spider-Man IS screwing up a whole lot though. There's a point in the movie when one of the bad guys tells Spidey straight up "Look, you need to get better at this."

Imagine someone who's not supposed to be telling you that, calling you out.

Like if you were a parent - you burnt your kid's cereal, and in going to a parent teacher conference, you somehow got your kid into trouble. And your kid walks up to you and says "Dammit Mom and Dad, you've GOT to get better at this!"

There were times when I wished Spidey would have just called the cops rather than intervene.

It's rare that we get to see superheroes screwing up this epically. I think it would be cool to see Superman accidentally blow someone's head off with his heat vision. Or Thor throwing his hammer, but missing... and knocking out an old lady. Both of those characters had parents around to teach them, so we never saw that stuff. Spidey doesn't know what the hell he's doing, so the funny calamity just keeps on coming. See, absent father's might mess up their kids, but it's for our entertainment pleasure. Well done, Tony Stark.

Fun and screw-ups are half of the movie, but the other half is your typical comic book flick: a villain, explosions (great cg at the end btw), and internal conflict, The villain here is The Vulture played by Michael Keaton.

Michael Keaton will always be Beetlejuice to me.

Michael Keaton without makeup or a costume looks creepy; like the wrong Uber driver creepy - know what I mean?? - we've all been there. We get in the car, and this stares back at us.

BOO (sometimes, they actual say "boo")

I like The Vulture's character though. Out of all of the characters I think I relate to him the most. He's tired of the world keeping him down. He's tired of the rich getting richer as he remains picking up the scraps, he's tired of the unfair structures of this world! TIRED!

Now, some people choose to pray when they get to this point, some fight, some drink... he decides to start robbing and killing, but to each their own.

Spider-Man’s internal conflict is one that you've probably heard if you've been around growing teenagers "Quit treating me like a child!"

I remember when I was a youth counselor, and we would go to camp at retreats. I had some kids who would say things like this. I would gather them around, while drinking a big bottle of bourbon.

I'd give this speech "Shut up! And no you can't have any! Why? Cuz you’re kids! I am an adult! I've got bills, real problems, warrants, alimony, and creaky joints (I think I was like 22 at the time). When you get to be like me THEN and ONLY THEN will I treat you like an adult, and share some of this magical drink with you. NOW GO TO BED!" And then I'd take a few more drinks and pass out.

I know what you're thinking - I was an awesome counselor!

Spidey is a frickin kid! Will he accept that fact? - you'll have to watch and find out.

I love that he's a kid, but it's also my one big complaint with the movie. If you know teenagers, they don't have enough life experiences stocked up to have any real depth to them. Unless you're talking to one of those really messed up teens. Every now and then I know you parents have had one of your child's friend's over, and you’ve stared into their eyes, and thought "this child has seen some shit" And then you politely tell that kid to leave and stay away from your normal child, BUT most teens are on the shallow side. Not their fault, they’re kids!

That's Spidey in this flick. We get to know him, but not his relationship with his friends, his crush, Tony Stark, or even his sexy, quirky aunt (played by Marisa Tomei). How you gonna have her in your movie and not do anything with her?

That's me. I love a good story. If you're just up for fun adventures, you might not care about that one flaw, but it's a big one for me.

Outside of that I liked this movie! It was entertaining! Grade: Strong B!

One of the best things about this younger, more fun Spider-Man is that we didn't get a Spidey who is grieving over the death of Uncle Ben.

and the tired line of "With great power blah blah blah".

I think it would be cool though to have him die in every sequel as a running gag. He could die in different ways like Kenny from South Park.

Just as he's about to give Peter (Spidey) the talk about "power and responsibility" Spidey would cut him off and say "You killed Uncle Ben!

You bastards!" That might be a lil much... and in danger of some copyright infringement, but it'd be worth it.

Hopefully, this newest Spider-Man will stick! Good stuff!

[ber-bonfamille-lyons]

RP Questionnaire

in which lauryl rambles about all things rp (tw for incomplete sentences, odd punctuation, etc.)

Name: Lauryl Characters: leave me alone (ber, kiara, hades, mel, chester, milla, milo, nala, kiki, prince, pongo/paul, anita) Pick a thread from the past six months that you’re proud of and talk about why.

The Journey of Kiki Takayama: I loved this thread because it highlighted my bby Kiki! I’m really proud of Kiki’s character and her journey, both literal in this case and in the development~ way. I’ve been really poking at Kiki’s self-esteem issues, her pervasive depression, and I think this thread really brings a lot of those threads, and other threads, together. Like, the fact she brings Howl back to her by singing and dancing with the earworm she’d made for Patty (this sentence is nonsense to anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about). Like, that felt so natural to me-- that I could use her friendship with Patty, her earworwm thread with Hiro, and her history with Howl dancin’ to karaoke, to produce what I thought was this really silly-yet-serious-and-kinda-beautiful moment. To me, it was just very dynamic, and I’m proud.

Chester’s arc: I’m also really proud that I finally got to PULL THIS OFF AFTER SO LONG. I loved the pace of it overall, and Chloe really provided a lot of emotional depth by bringing Mitte along. Even though these two are ridiculous and full of hijinks, that question “What do these two mean to each other?” still followed them from para to para. And Mitte’s loyalty to Chester (or to chaos) has really solidified this strange friendship and helped launch the second part of this plot. Thus, this arc ran the gamut: light and ridiculous, serious and dark, tragic and comic.

Identify a challenge you’ve faced in this rp. Reflect on why this is a challenge for you. Are there any strategies you can develop to overcome this challenge?

Taking on too much hahahha: this is definitely my biggest challenge and even extends to the outside writing that I do. I’m an Idea Man. I’m a conceptual, out of the box, daydreamer-of-an-rper, who develops everything like, very top down, very chronic-plot-heavy, very BIG STAKES!! So usually every character has a Big Arc and I get really excited about these very big plots-- annnnnd then i have 13 very big plots and no way to balance them all along with all the plots i want to get involved in with the REST of the rp that kinda fall into my lap and i’m like omfg ahhhhhh.

What happens naturally is I prioritize characters over others. Ber, Hades, and Mel are my big kahunas who i do the most with. Chester’s gotten his time in the sunshine finally, god bless, and to a good extent, Kiki too. And Rajah got a lot of good stuff. But there are some babies that I haven’t done a lot of those Big things for. Milo for example lawd, MILO. I finally have this mummy plot but i’ve been trying to do more cave/merlin stuff for over a year now. I also wanna do so much MORE with Prince and with Nala and Paul, but they always get pushed to the side. Even the characters that I do more with get pushed to the side-- hi Hades !!

So how do I fix this? I mean, I can really prioritize, I can create schedules and hard deadlines that map out my plots for myself and keep me on track….buuuut if we’re honest rp is a collaborative hobby and hard deadlines are often soft, malleable deadlines.

I can also just, not plan as much and focus on more acute plots. Or: not have as many characters.

Gasp.

I know, someone needed to say it though. Also I could be a total hypocrite on this point because as we speak I have little plot seedlings growing jungles in my head. But something’s got to give. And so this is not a very clear answer but I think it’s sort of a combination of me being serious with my deadlines (or at least structure out plots the way we are doing on this questionnaire) instead of keeping all those Big big big plots in my head. I can also do less threads. The other part? Finishing off character’s arcs and letting them go, my darlings, so I can free up a lil more space for others. I did that with Rajah recently because I’d accomplished the biggest goals I had for him and soon I’ll be letting go of Chester and Milla too for the same reasons-- I’m closing up their stories. Course, I’ll probably pick up NEW characters like the hypocrite I am, but the point is: it’s good to know when to let your babies go, and I want to be the first person to encourage people to see their characters through to whatever end there is. 

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you! ) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

Milla: When I first got Milla, I wanted a capital-v Villain and I wanted to use her for plot purposes mostly. I was fine with just being a tool in other people’s plots in other words, and I didn’t expect Milla to go anywhere. But Milla has surprised me, and it’s all due to the people who have drawn out new sides of Milla that I only suspected lay dormant. I love that I have both my daughters and an Ella (and gosh, I love that Bee was up for having Ella have this contentious relationship with Milla that was out of the house but still very much a “trap” of sorts, just a more modern day trap, ala money). I love her deliciously evil relationship with Taka.  I love that she’s gotten to be a lawyer for Gaston and other villains. I love that she’s become this dominatrix character with Flynn.  She’s still very set in her ways now, but finding how she became set in those ways through these interactions is some of the most interesting, different RPing I get to do. I love that how she twists her definition of mother on its head, I love that she is honestly so weary and lonely, I love that she has accepted a lot of that if only because of her age. I’m really proud of the depth I’ve achieved with her, so much so that I can write a terrible post and fully sympathize with her anyway. In fact...part of me honestly roots for her, and I think that’s how you should wanna feel for your villains, even if, at the end of the day, you know they must be thwarted.

Pick another character and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them for the rest of the year?

The Great Prince: Eeeee, my son. The Prince has always been a very distinctive voice for me and a much different story than many of my characters. Like Milla, he’s older, and in some ways a lot of his development is in backstory, which involves a fair amount of “uncovering” as I write. But unlike Milla, I fully intend Great Prince to grow and he’s doing so already. He’s blurring the lines between the forest and the town and sort of fully embracing the liminal aspects of his being. Like, yes, he’ll never really be a normal human, but he is still human; and yes, he might not be a true animal of the forest, but it’s still his home, and he wants to share it with people in a way he’s never really gotten to do.

I’m looking forward to forging stronger relationships with those he has already formed bonds with: Soleil, Bambi, Ella, etc. I would love to get more fairy relationships for him actually because I haven’t done a lot with that though I imagine Prince was raised by the fairies a lot more than he was his Father Prince, so I’d love to explore that dynamic. Send me ur fairies!!

I’m also looking forward to trying to do more forest plotty stuff. Maybe I can do this with Bambi if Bambi ends up embracing his powers more but I could also do this with FAIRIES if I do make more fairy friends!!

I also really want the Prince to start wrestling more concretely with the toxic rules he was raised under. I want him to realize he can change tradition, that the rules he hates don’t have to be the rules. As his relationships develop with key characters, I think the Prince will come in conflict with those rules (or I hope so) rather naturally.

AND finally, wow so long, I see the Prince mourning and letting go of Willow, finally. His memories of her have been the only really good ones in his life, so as he gets more good memories and makes relationships, he’ll be able to put Willow to rest for himself. Maaaaaaaybe, just maybe, he miiiight even let himself fall in love again (and that will help him wrestle with those toxic rules I was just talking about :D) 

IF YOU DID THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE: Alright, now pick an item from the Wishlist you completed in January that you’ve started to pursue. How far are you from completing this goal? Talk about the steps you took to make it happen.

Well, I made Chester’s entire arc happen! And it’s still kinda happening. It took a LOT of organizing on my part, and I sort of followed the same format as the mock plot included in this questionnaire. I plotted out paras and made sure I knew what partners I had to contact to help me. The London plot was all Mitte/Chloe, so that was very straightforward, though I should note I had to do a lot of one-shot writing because important events took place with just Chester.

Also moving forward, organizing the demon haunting threads has been a real fun challenge, because it’s such a weird animal. I’m lucky to have such enthusiastic partners who are willing to try this strange format with me, so shoutout to Sam who was instrumental in that, and to J and Pet for playing along. Also just Pet and MK in general for doing chatzies with me and staying patient. AND one last shoutout to Marina for freezing Anita’s heart! It’s been really refreshing for me to RP her and I love what it did for the plot overall.  IF YOU DID THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE: Pick another item on your wishlist that hasn’t happened yet. We’re gonna do a MOCK-PLOT!!!

Great Prince + Forest stuff! Like I mentioned, I’d love to get a sideplot going with some of the forest natives sooo I’m literally pulling this outta my ass, check it:

Great Prince introduces Bambi to the Stone Trolls, during which the Stone Trolls complain about the Gummis

Therefore

Great Prince visits Gummis with Clarion for negotiations

But

Negotiations break down and the Stone Trolls kidnap someone (Soleil, Ella, Bambi) for ransom

Therefore

The Prince asks Goliath for help on a rescue mission.

This is the most hilarious plot if only bc the gummis are a thing that exist.

Finally: write a NEW wish list for the upcoming half of the year. It’s fine if you use a lot from your previous wish list if you still haven’t completed them and you still want to!

By character:

Mel: 

Explore momma mel-- this will sorta be through threads as I weave this event into Mel’s life. I also think this applies to getting an apprentice-ish figure for Mel which is kinda happening as she “mentors” some young Magicks (Celia, Jim, Ly).

Acknowledge her feelings for Howl and deal with that shit: dark squad is always Really High Magic, so I’d love to take ‘em down with a good ol confession scene or something idk. Or maybe Mel cries to someone else bc she has feelings for someone who can’t love her or idk maybe she goes on a rampage I dunno.

Ber: 

More music reviews. This was from my old list AND I’ve been doing more, so I just want to kinda continue on doing these and up my number mhm.

Produce someone’s music. I rly want Ber to get a partnership with someone sooo!! I’ll be on the look out.

Kiara: 

Date! I actually am here for this idea of Kiara dating Callie and maybe Alice too. Is Callie ok with that?? Idk we’ll see.

Figure out her passion for healthcare and women stuff!!! I think Kiara might end up like a nurse or a social worker related to like women’s healthcare so I dunno I’d like to somehow explore more of those threads, maybe make her do some sort of afterschool program. She’s still finding herself so!! It’s an important year for her coming up.

Hades: 

Uh. Use his fire lmao but rly this is an important goal and lowkey cant say anything more spoilers

Chester: spoilers

Milla: spoilers

Milo: 

Still want him to start looking OUT of Pride U and start thinking about what he really wants for his future.

Buuuut while he’s in Pride U, student stuff! Teacher apprentice?? Tutor?? Idk hit me up

Merlin Objects. Get dat seal in the cave yo

TALK ABOUT ISSUES WITH JANE

Nala: 

Still want Nala to have a one night stand/go on dates c’mon ppl I don’t get to explore romantic Nala a lot.

More female friends 

Kiki: 

Find Jiji, perform ceremony

Discover true nature of her powers, which will lead to ONE OF TWO SCENARIOS:

Embraces her powers

Decides to stop being a witch and go to university instead.

Would still like her to go on a date ok

Anita: 

Explore what a canon dearcliffe looks like????? I don’t know if this will actually happen like when all this shit calms down and Anita is unfrozen maybe Roger will be like bitch bye idk. But it would be interesting to see Anita finally embrace her real feelings and realize that she can be considerate but still assertive, and then get to see how the relationship actually operates after so. much. build-up.

Also I meeeaaaan she’s also been woken up for how BI she is, that’d be interesting to do more with. Especially if it was in the context of a budding relationship with Roger (tbd on that lol)

Would still like to do more art paras (looking at anna and annette for potential help with this-- maybe a louita (friendly) reunion would be nice too

Great Prince:

More forest plot stuff. I have some random ideas floating in my head and so i’d love to introduce the stone trolls i keep mentioning and have great prince share his forest home with ppl (like bambi and ella). Obviously some of this will happen as prince ‘trains’ bambi in his magic. Or I hope so.

Honestly…. Maybe...have him...do stuff...with..pride..u? He really loved being a professor and I could see him get more involved with the magizoology department! Maybe as a guest lecturer at times or he could lead groups of students? IDK we both just loved prof henthorn sooo bring! it! back!

Paul:

Make Paul go on dates. This is leftover from my old one but part of his journey~ involves putting himself back out there. It’s important for Paul to realize he’s not trapped or that being a dad isnt the end of his love life and he can’t really do that with Perdita (sorry Perdy).

Continue fixing his relationship with Perdy. That being said and counterintuitive perhaps to the last point, Paul does care about Perdy and wants to be good friends with her. I’d love some more co-parenting stuff when Perdy gets more comfortable with the babies because I am intrigued by that dynamic since they won’t be dating rn. At least i dont think they will.

UNIVERSITY i have a plan for this i gotta make it happen lol i suck

[lasiiurus-archived]

thank you !

^^ dis gif isn't mine. but that's totally my face.

Here it is! This is my big dumb 'thank-you' post that I've been meaning to write. So if you weren't aware, I've actually closed this blog (aside from some random posts about Logan and a Batman Podcast - you should listen to it) due to some major, major problems with the DC fandom that I find toxic and quite frankly disgusting. But das stuff that sadly I can't change so I'm doing what's best for me and getting my ass outta here before my love for Batman is forever ruined by blind and immature fanboys.

i started writing bryce around about 2015. My first blog was called surgitisms but I changed it because someone made some burnbook callout about me copying someones url (I had no idea that blog existed rofl - surgit is latin for 'rise'). I then moved to rageinyourbones (shoutouts to joseph gordon levitt) where i spent most of my time, developing this character that wasn't even my idea - it was just a passing remark from a lovely actress by the name of Natalie Dormer. now as you're aware (and as i continually apologize for) i fucked up on that blog, and i've done my best to reach out and make amends with the people i offended (and they were super gracious and accepted my apology). but that negative bollocks aside, i grew up so much on that blog. i learned some amazing things about myself, i learned some bad things about myself, and most importantly i created a character that i personally believe is different to bruce wayne. i ended up headcannoning late at night, thinking about how she would act differently to bruce, about how she would interact with certain characters etc etc etc.

but what really made all the difference was the people i met.

you guys are fucking amazing. i mean lets be real - the tumblr rp community can be fucked sometimes. we've all seen it, but what i love is that we tend to (80% of the time) treat each other as real human beings and see that what we're really here for is just the love of these dumb fictional characters. they give us a break from the savagery of life and its endless woes. i am so, so so grateful and so so so blessed to have known the people i have on here. people whom i met on rageinyourbones and followed me across to here, and people whom i met here. holy bollocks im rambling - im just gonna tag some specific people who really really made my life on here so enjoyable. the rest i'll just lump into one big post because i'm lazy like that.

@fracturedportrait - harmony. i remember meeting you the first time. i remember it so clearly. you were so chill, so spunky (god i feel old using that word), and you had such a passion for your oc. i remember the first plot we had, the inspiration we shared... who knew that it was the beginning of my greatest friendship and my #1 OTP for bryce. you were the first person whom i ever actually spoke to off tumblr (remember when i called you?? and you heard my dumb aussie accent??). i remember legitimately getting teary over memes, i remember smiling so much during our threads, i remember (and still do) laugh about us talking about how our sin is like a lovely vintage of wine. your writing consistently, unimaginably, pushes and has pushed me to better mine. with every post you made, you helped improve my writing. you are such a blessing to me and i am not going to just let this stay as some dumb tumblr friendship. we'll face time, and i'll be sure to credit you when i'm on the red carpet with natalie dormer being like 'so what made you want to write this film about a female batman?'. i'll just be like 'yo there was this really cool chick who wrote a vampire and she told me to just write this film'.

@halysborn - SWAN. ho man. do you remember when i wrote that giant meta about how dick literally changed not just bryce's life, but bruce's? i firmly believe that dick is the most important character in bruce's life. and i mean i'm talking on the same level as alfred - even more. he's the TRUE son. the son whom saved him. like i just cry about how bruce says that line - 'sometimes i think i've never done any good in my life. then i look at dick and realize i'm wrong' or whatever that actual phrase is. i PHYSICALLY VOM WHEN PEOPLE SHIP THEM. but yo that's other stuff. what's important is that you have supported me selflessly and without strings. you've supported me here, you've supported me over on deshibcsara, you've just been a consistent rock, an unyielding foundation of encouragement. i still, and will NEVER delete that voice recording where you talk about me and my love for batman. it gives me such hope and reminds me that, yeah i fuck up, but i've at least affected someone else's life and how they see batman. my only regret is that i was so goddamn slow with replying to our stuff. and that was literally because i felt like you deserved nothing but my absolute best. you are incredible, and from one aussie to another, i love you brocookie!

@femmekill - could u pls stop spamming my facebook wall with memes?? SIKE I LIED. I FUCKING LOVE IT. my mum literally asked me the other night 'who is -insert your real name-?' and i was like 'oh thats my wife' and she was like '???' and i just said 'dont even BOTHER trying to understand'. you have been nothing but optimistic about me. you consistently, relentlessly see the good in me. i dont think there's ever been a time where like i've felt wronged by you? or at the very least felt like i was a burden to you? you never fail to spread positivity. even when you were feeling like shit and i tried to cheer you up, it's like you turned it on me and were like 'nah gus you're not cheering me up IM CHEERING YOU UP - thats how it works'. im so fucking whipped by you, because you're just such a blessing to my life. the day we shared FB's was like the day i realized 'WELP IM IN THIS MARRIAGE FOR LIFE NOW'. when it comes to your writing - i'm just breathless. the tumblr rp fandom does not deserve you. keep doing your thing man - don't ever let douchebag anons change that.

@marblebelow - I SINCERELY HOPE YOU STILL HAVE THE RECORDING OF ME SINGING 'THE CONFRONTATION'. especially with the 'DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUN'. that shit is lit. yo but mikel really. the days of us writing together - writing fisk/bryce and then writing jim/bryce... i value it so much. you've taught me to pursue every little nuance in bryce's character. and i mean that - you ask me tiny little questions, and holy crap i end up going into a massive internal investigation. and worst of all (or best??) you jsut lavish me with genuine, kind words. i regret that we didnt get to write much more (both of us having major stress/overwhelmed issues), but dude, like, never stop being you - you have such overwhelming, unimaginable depths of creativity. even if you don't realize it, or feel like you don't, believe me - you do. it sounds like -- errr.... arrogant? but ive spent the last six years studying writing/fiction/film and just immersing myself in it so i feel like i have SOME credibility - you really really do have a gift.

@ivyworn - 'yes hello i'd like to report a murder? the victim is ME' aka this is what happens whenever we talk. so we never actually got to do much writing, but honestly? i literally feel like we did writing in the SPIRIT with all of our tumblr IMs and just the amount of shit talking we did. PUMA. LEST WE FORGET. PUMA. no but real talk, i was supposed to send you a birthday gift aka im still gonna get my ass onto paypal and do that SO DONT YOU LEAVE YOUR BLOG. AND YOU CANNOT SAY NO. i've never met anyone whom has such an in-depth love and understanding for ivy. i remember chatting about Cast Shadows with you and the level of complexitity between Batman and Ivy. i mentioned this but Batman/Ivy is literally my OTP for Bruce. i just think it is such an interesting avenue that no writer (post Cast Shadows) has explored. whenever we spoke, i had such a smile on my face, i cannot even begin to desribe it. i really really hope life goes well for you and treats you with the care and respect you DESERVE.

@psyclownsis @scarestress tags both blogs bc i have no idea where you are these days. so i already recorded that voice meme thing talking about you piri - but i literally just want to further express my admiration and gratitude for you. you've stuck by me, you've pulled me aside and been like 'oi gus you're being a douche stop it', and you've just supported me and taken such an interest in this dumb character i write that literally just blows me away. the fact that we barely write but i still feel so close to you and so valued by you is just a testament to the power of tumblr rp friendships. we don't NEED to write together to be friends and to respect and admire each other. AND LORD KNOWS i admire you. i admire your dedication, i admire your 'idgaf' attitude. and honestly i just admire your unrelenting loyalty to people.

because i've literally written an essay - the rest of these tags are people that i admire and love, even if we haven't had much chance to interact.

@agoodluthor | @gunkanjiima | @grincarved | @terrifiesthem | @tcmbraider | @truthpiety | @influencedbyfear | @inexactexpiration | @aftcrshocks | @fallencomrade | @geniusfuturist | @mangledgrin | @shewolveriine | @tragicloss | @unleashedjustice | @volchista | @widowscars 

[mel-esor-blog]

Assassin’s Creed: The Movie Thoughts

Hey everyone so last night I decided last-minute to go see the AC movie since my college was showing it for free. I suppose I consider myself a veteran of the games, playing since AC2, and did have mixed feelings about the movie at first. But eh, I wasn’t doing much that night and they had free popcorn, so why not? But oh boy... I almost regret that decision now.

I’ll have the conversation I had in Discord with my bff @buttercreambear under the Read more below but in short: oh man was it not good. By that, I mean it could have been handled alot better. This was almost like The Room bad.

Mel: wtf is this music Mel: ok i know it's modern day scene transition but- LOL BIKE FAIL Mel: Assassin's Creed brought to you by the music from The Hills Have Eyes probably

Les: mel i want you to know i saw "bike fail" and immediately imagined desmond getting the hidden blade getting stuck in his bike tire spokes Les: fucking templars, etc.

Mel: creepy 60s music on lo-fi radio with dead person...... classy Mel: who directed this some dude who does modern slasher film remakes

Les: i can only communicate in memes now im sorry everyone

Mel: lol is ok les Mel: ok the color scheme reminds me of like saving private Ryan with the sandlot or something

Les: is it like that generic dark gritty cyan or something Les: i dont think ive seen either of those Les: and its all desaturated n shit

Mel: gotta sepia tone everything to show everyone it's the past huuuuhhhhhhgghhh Mel: "here lemme force my religion down your throat you filthy Assassin" Mel: ok so when was Abstergo a county jail in the South Mel: no no wait they gonna "kill" this dude THEN ship his body overseas to the REAL Abstergo facility in Europe Mel: much cheaper than putting him in first class Mel: memory flashback Montage™ Mel: wow ok this lady is annoying already Mel: "you're here to help me? you just told me I died and nobody gives a shit" Mel: #wherethefuckisVidic Mel: Cal pls punch this lady Mel: "prepare the animus" hoooo shit Mel: oh wait Glados I thought this was Asscreed not Portal my bad goodnight everyone Mel: "we're gonna pump you with a bunch of drugs and hope your memories will get sent back via DNA instead of a DIGITAL SIMULATION have fun C:"

Les: remember when the glados voice was in pacific rim

Mel: they have an mri monitor but no scanner????? Mel: this whole machine makes no sense and is totally unnecessary

Les: "according to this, medical things are happening"

Mel: "let's make him try and synchronize in the MIDDLE OF A GIANT BATTLE this will totally be successful" Mel: good God give this poor man a proper tutorial Mel: no like in the games you always kinda got a tutorial stage that was easy at first Mel: OMFG THEY RIPPED OFF EZIO'S STORYLINE FUCK YOH

Les: what even is the story in this movie

Mel: les remember what happened to his dad and brothers

Les: yea

Mel: "stay with me Cal" Mel: uhhhh don't you WANT him to synchronize with his ancestor?? Mel: that's like Rebecca slapping Desmond every five minutes while he's in the animus Mel: oboy chase scene that's..... meh compared to the games Mel: classic "shit we’re nearing a random cliff" scene Mel: "You did well, Cal" Mel: uhh he just kinda... got tossed into this shit that was overwhelming Mel: who's this old bozo that looks like a chemistry professor in an old university Mel: "my daughter finds the cure for violence" Mel: ye it's called don't let humans exist buddy

Les: more violets, i say

Mel: #recallingpasteventsbydates Mel: because this is a movie about history facts Mel: I'm just waiting for a mameshiba to pop up dressed as George Washington to churn out facts about the American Revolution Mel: how to design a room: one wall with a door, shoes, and a bed. that it. Mel: how to bleeding effect: rly spoopy real-looking person in half-assed reaper shroud Mel: basically- OMG actually it looks just like the hallucinations from Scarlet's aftermath shit Mel: lady: I know everything about you and your ancestors more than you do Mel: that's totally not creepy Mel: lady: and how does that make you feel? Mel: ok when was this a piss-poor counseling session Mel: from a character that has about as much emotion as Edward Cullen's lunch

Les: would that be blood

Mel: ok i can't even remember her name anymore lmao Mel: main girl from twilight Mel: don't eat the chicken Cal it's poison

Les: i tried to remember that guy's actual name and my brain was like "james patterson.... pat robertson... ROBERT PATTINSON"

Mel: lmao Mel: #randomapple Mel: "what the fuck is going on?" my thoughts exactly Mel: #how many times am I gonna fukin hear the song Crazy Mel: the 20/30s one not the 80/90s one Mel: #fightingmyinnerdemonswhichisactuallymyancestor

Les: ~just assassin things~

Mel: omfg Mel: #singingthefuckingsongbecauseim""crazy"" Mel: producers totally know how mental illness is -_-

Les: is it this song [x]

Mel: wait what....

Les: i just googled "crazy song" and that was one of the results

Mel: o I can't listen to it cause phone Mel: no its the Patsy Cline one [x] Mel: "the last heathen in this Holy War" Mel: HEY U KEEP MY ANCESTORS OUTTA THIS YE FILTHY POPE Mel: #tap B to struggle free Mel: ok new drinking game: take a drink every time you see Ridiculously Unecessary Animus™ Mel: ok who the heck choreographed the free running cause it's definitely not the same dude who mocapped it for the games Mel: too much fancyness to it Mel: "lemme just spam this back jump over and over between two buildings instead of climbing straight up" Mel: the heck was that random one second first person shot of a drawn bow?? Mel: ok id be drunk rn with that one game scratch that...

Les: i looked this up and what the heck [x]

Mel: stop phasing back and forth between the simulation and present time omfg!!!

Les: how did they get that from the game thing which is like..... 90% chair

Mel: I can't imagine how confusing this is to people watching it the first time sheesh Mel: WHAT THE FUCK Mel: he's seizing Mel: good fuckin job guys Mel: THAT IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE SOMEONE WHO IS HAVING A SEIZURE WTF Mel: now he's in a Jesus Christ Dunk Tank??? Mel: oh well awesome he's got lower limb paralysis Mel: maybe we shouldn't have suspended him from this wacky portal robot with a metal belt and probably some kind of fucked up needle jabbing into his spine for all I know Mel: cause I didn't see any wires or nothing on his face so couldn't have gotten brain scans from that Mel: that is.... the dumbest looking wheelchair omg Mel: #randomtaichimovesaloneinroom Mel: literal words from Fake Vidic™ : You've been desynching in the Animus... we need you to not do that. Mel: A+ writing Mel: "Do you recognize this?" Mel: that's a fucking drawer slide with a steak knife soldiered to it Mel: Imdeepain would be ashamed [aka this brilliant person here] Mel: he just like... pushed a button on it and it slid out with this terrible scraping noise Mel: moving parts don't need lubricant or a smooth polished surface right? Mel: this the kind of jackass that would go in dry I bet

Les: hgdsdffdg

Mel: Also plot: still searching Mel: Also when the heck did the goddamn Apple represent "free will" instead of "essentially endless power and omniscience" Mel: or more or less "maybe the real free will was inside us all along and we never thought to look outside of our stupid religious pact for answers or truth" Mel: "Hey kids let me whip out Webster's dictionary and mansplain to an Assassin what an Assassin is because my script writer doesn't know how to fucking write lines" Mel: also: You've heard of Mute swans, now get ready for Mute eagle Mel: THAT'S LITERALLY AN ICONIC SOUND IN THE GAME C'MON Mel: #secretcompartmentwall Mel: there's like.... a severe lack of targets in this movie.... Mel: and main focus is literally: sultan, his son, and this Catholic pope dude person Mel: omfg pls be fake apple Mel: random sandstorm?? Mel: or was that legit him using the Apple wtf Mel: ok god who did the lighting the asshole who worked on SH Homecoming I can barely see shit what's going on half the time Mel: shit i dont Even think I've heard the main Assassin say much if anything let alone really see his face? so far

Les: very mysterio

Mel: intense to the death battle Mel: rly dark chase scene Mel: some fire and stuff.... is happening? Mel: LMFAO HE DID A "LEAP OF FAITH" AND FUCKING BROKE THEIR TRASHY-ASS ANIMUS

Les: lol

Mel: omfg the leap of faith though Mel: they fucking like had him do stupid stunts in the middle of it before landing in the water Mel: like the dive moves you can do when you put on the goggles Mel: yeah. that shit

Les: o god

Mel: #unecessary Mel: Also I just noticed why the fuck is Cal almost naked wtf Mel: I guess I won't deny eye candy but lol Mel: yeah he's like done no training or very little of it doing summersaults in the "animus" but now he's as ripped as John Cena Mel: random escape scene with smoke bombs pulled out of god knows where Mel: OH NOW I FINALLY GET TO SEE Mel: they did a slowmo camera rotation and I saw they had like a fuckin huge butterfly needle thing attached on the back of his neck Mel: ok where the heck is everyone getting these weapons from Mel: some dude just had a sword... Mel: this is not how maximum security facilities would be.... Mel: crossbow???? Mel: you're in present day in an expensive facility why would you need that Mel: I think they just.... left Cal alone to experience bleeding effect yet again while all shits breaking loose in the facility Mel: WHY DID THEY LEAVE HISTORICAL WEAPONS LAYING AROUND HERE ABSTERGO YOU IDIOTS Mel: actually at first they legit just strapped two replica hidden blades to Cal while putting him in the animus like "this totally won't be a bad idea at all nope" Mel: #GETTOTHECHOPPA Mel: yeah Cal you climb that hunk of shit they call an animus Mel: also: breaking all the glass because I can't get injured cause this is a movie and it's all just sugar candy Mel: Also now we're in Notre Dame? Mel: omfg the apple looks awful and tarnished like it was made by a human and not idk an ancient race that we can't even comprehend Mel: looks like a giant animal just accidentally ate it and shit it out right on this churches doorstep and then one of the priests took it and half-assed cleaned it off and thought "nice" and put it in a crappy treasure chest.... SOMEWHERE cause they didn't even fucking show where they pulled it out of Mel: annoying lady during a supposed to be emotional scene: You lied to me. ._. Mel: and now, Fake-ass Vidic gives a Ted Talk Mel: ok you're telling me this facility had a breakout and they didn't do shit about it Mel: "oh welp just better let em all go they got weapons now ooOOoOoohhhdh" Mel: Lady: I can't do this Mel: Cal: (fukin dressed as his ancestor now) Yes you can Mel: Shia LeBouf pops in unannounced: just DO IT!!!

Mel: WHY IS THE APPLE FUCKING TINY. AND GREEN???? Mel: oh no I bet that's just the neurotoxin Fake Vidic put in Mel: it's like... the size of a small apple or baseball?? not even [This is what the apple technically looked like in the movie, all I could get was the toy prop but it’s pretty close]

[HIDEOUS. Where did you pull this from? Silent Hill’s asshole???]

[Here’s what it’s supposed to look like, all nice and pristine and slightly alien-like. Also slightly larger than an adult Male’s hand, the one in the movie however was at least 2/3 maybe even half this size. Pathetic. Anyway, back to the original review.]

Mel: GOD he even held it in this fucking pretentious asshole way Mel: lemme just stick it in a wine glass and garnish it in gold flakes you pompous crusty old excuse for a real character Mel: random shadowy figures on the roof At Night™ with the camera doing a slow cinematic 360° panorama Mel: what.... Mel: that.... That's the end??? Mel: ??????

Les: so how was it

Mel: 2/10 would not recommend Mel: 7.8/10 too much sepia