#so now i can return to the land of grades without thinking about what happens

[alj4890]

Heart's Choice Part 2

(Ethan Ramsey x F!MC) (Tobias Carrick x F!MC) in a Choices one shot

A/N I warned you @jerzwriter that this was ridiculously long, LOL. There's only one more part after this to complete the ask.

Masterlist

Part 2

About ten minutes later, Chris found herself in a patient room.

Tobias was in the process of stitching up the gash at the center of her head. He kept glancing down at her face every so often.

"Almost done?" She asked, feeling the need to squirm. She was so embarrassed that she'd fainted earlier.

"Almost." Tobias was worried about how deathly pale her face still was. "Are you feeling faint again?"

"No." She muttered. "I told you that I've done it before."

"I need the whole story." He paused to knot his handiwork.

He then rolled his chair around where he could face her.

"How did you get this far in medicine without fainting over the sight of blood?"

"That's just it." She explained. "It isn't other people's blood that makes me faint, only my own."

She began to fidget with the blanket while telling him about the first time something like this happened.

"When I was five years old, my parents took me to visit one of my uncles who lived out in the country. It wasn't quite a farm, but there was a lot of land where I could run around and go on adventures."

Chris sighed while attempting to get more comfortable. "One day, my cousins went fishing without me. I was furious with being left behind, so I chased after them. There was a shortcut to the pond they were headed to that had a gravel trail. One part of the path went down a very steep hill."

Tobias could easily picture a little red haired girl running as fast as she could then tripping and skidding down that very hill as she told the rest of the story.

"When I sat up, my knees and shins were torn open. My palms had deep cuts and my right cheek was bleeding. I fainted as soon as I saw all the blood."

She looked up at him. "I can do a simple cut or scrape and even my period, but when there is a lot of my blood, I faint."

Her lips curved as she recalled her family's reaction. "My grandfather was one of the top surgeons in Edinburgh. He didn't know what to think about me possibly being unable to study medicine. My parents, being surgeons too, were also in utter disbelief over my reaction to the sight of blood."

"You've got too many doctors in your family." Tobias choked on his laughter.

"Everyone's a doctor!" Chris chuckled over the irony of it all. "I think my grandmother would have been one if she hadn't settled on being a nurse."

She shook her head in exasperation. "My cousins thought I'd died when they found me passed out and covered in blood."

With a smile, she added, "They never left me behind again."

Tobias couldn't help but laugh over her story.

Chris tried to sit up and return to the oncall room.

"Easy there!" He forced her back into a reclining position. "You've got a grade two concussion. You're going to do nothing but rest."

She huffed with a bit of impatience. "But I'm --"

"No buts, Chris." His voice became firm. "You're under my care now. You will stay put and allow us to monitor you for the next twenty-four hours. Then, you'll rest an additional two days. Got all that?"

"Yes, Dr. Carrick." She mumbled, knowing it was futile to argue.

Pleased to see she was going to mind him without putting up her usual fight, he began to dim the lights in the room.

Tobias took over the reclining chair next to the bed and set an alarm for three hours from now. He knew it was going to be a long twenty-four hours for both of them.

They fell into an awkward silence as they both recalled what led to Chris becoming a patient. It was the first time they'd ever been this uncomfortable around each other.

"Chris," Tobias couldn't take another second of the silence, "about what I said earlier,"

She swallowed, unable to look directly at him.

"I meant it." He told her. "I don't expect you to return my feelings. I know you're with Ethan. I would never want to destroy that."

She grimaced somewhat from the pain in her head and the one that was slowly breaking her heart.

"I care about you both." He added. "But I couldn't keep my feelings bottled up anymore. Now that you know, I hope you won't let it ruin what we already have."

She forced herself to look at him.

"So," her voice cracked, "you could continue to be with friends with me without any bitterness?"

"Of course I can." He gave a slight shrug. "That's what I've been doing all this time."

Chris searched his eyes as she rested back against her pillow.

Tobias wished she would just come out and say whatever was going through her mind. He knew he'd shocked her. That along with her injury made it impossible for him to force her to reveal her true feelings.

Instead, he insisted she try and get some sleep.

"I'll check on you in a few hours."

Chris tried to do as ordered. She closed her eyes yet was unable to do anything but think about his confession. When she heard his slow, deep breathing, she turned to find him asleep.

She was free to study him without being caught.

Anyone would admit he was handsome. The man oozed sexiness. His charm and pleasant personality endeared him to many. It was hard not to love him.

There was no doubt in Chris's mind that if they had met back when Ethan refused to be with her, that she would be with Tobias right now.

She could see the path their lives would have taken. She loved being around him. It was easy. They thought alike in so many different situations whether in work or in their personal lives. Hearing him say he would want a family made their imagined future so much easier to picture.

But...

She was with Ethan, the very man she'd fought so hard to win.

Their love was different from any other she'd experienced. It was difficult at times, given their differing personalities. Then there were times where it felt as natural as breathing.

Ethan needed her. After all he'd been through with his mother, his disappointments in himself and those he worked with; he needed Chris to help him focus on what really mattered in life.

Tobias didn't need that. He already knew what to take seriously and what to let go. He moved through life effortlessly and made those around him think it could be possible to do the same. His innate confidence infused those he worked around.

What does he need from me, Chris wondered. My love? My friendship? What could I possibly give him that he doesn't already have?

Chris curled up on her side, eyes growing heavy the longer she watched Tobias sleep. The last thought to flitter through her mind before sleep claimed her made her tear up.

Could she actually give up one love with a man committed to her for another who had never shown any interest in having a relationship?

****************

The next morning...

Chris woke up with a start when she felt a soft kiss to her forehead. The brush of stubble made her mind initially think of Tobias.

When she opened her eyes, she saw a worried Ethan above her.

"I leave you alone for a couple of days and you immediately get into trouble."

Unable to stop the laugh over his dry observation, she hugged him.

Glancing over his shoulder, she noticed that the chair was empty that had held Tobias throughout the night.

"Please tell me you didn't drive through a snowstorm just because I bumped my head."

Ethan's frown deepened as he pulled away from her. He tenderly tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, allowing the back of his fingers to trail down her cheek.

"It wasn't nearly as bad as you think." He responded. "And I did wait until it had weakened some."

"Ethan." She groaned. "There was no need for you to rush home."

"There was." He argued. "We still have things that we need to discuss. Plus, now I see not only that you are injured, but also in need of care."

Chris rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. I was fine. There wasn't a single reason to hurry here."

"To be honest, I didn't know you'd gotten hurt until I arrived." His eyes narrowed. "I don't like finding out you're a patient the moment I walk into this hospital."

"If you'd stayed at your father's" she snapped, "you wouldn't have found out that way."

He glared at her for that. Didn't she know how important she was to him? The thought of her hurt or sick made him panic. Ever since the attack, he couldn't accept a world without Chris in it.

"Why didn't you call me?" He demanded.

"Because there was no need!" She threw her hands up in frustration, wishing she could pace. "I have a slight concussion that required stitches. It's not like I'm knocking on death's door."

"I'm going to find Tobias." He grumbled when he saw she was being her usual stubborn self.

Chris felt her heart stutter. Reaching out, she grabbed hold of Ethan's hand to stop him.

He looked at her in question.

"Don't go." She said softly, tears sparkling in her eyes. "Just...please..."

The growing lump in her throat made it impossible to speak. She wasn't even sure what it was she wanted to say to him.

Ethan's anger disappeared the moment he saw her tears. Settling down on the bed, he pulled her close to hold her. All thoughts about the fight they'd had earlier would have to wait. For the moment, he'd give her the comfort she needed from him.

He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, wishing he could take what he assumed was pain from her injury away.

Chris buried her face against his neck while hot tears streamed down her cheeks. She felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest.

How could she possibly let him go for the unknown? Was it cruel to even contemplate it?

Tobias entered and paused in the doorway when he saw the two holding each other.

Clearing his throat, he summoned his typical smirk.

"I see our Chief made it back in one piece."

Ethan leveled his furious gaze upon him. "Why didn't you call me about Chris?"

"Because it was late, she wasn't in any danger, and she didn't ask me to do so." Tobias explained.

Ethan grumbled about everyone leaving him in the dark.

"How are her vitals?"

Tobias handed her chart to him and then focused on Chris.

"How are you feeling?"

She swallowed and averted her eyes from both of them. She knew he meant her injury but all she could think about was the decision she'd have to make.

"She's obviously in pain." Ethan answered for her.

Tobias's concern grew in hearing that.

"You are?" He stepped closer to closely examine Chris's face.

She lifted tear filled eyes to his. Her heart ached to talk to him alone. It then hurt for even thinking about doing that to Ethan.

"It's close to time for her to have her next dose of acetaminophen." Ethan said. "I'll go put in the order."

He left without another word.

"Chris?" Tobias said hesitantly, uncertain what to say or how to help her.

She took a shaky breath and forced out the very words that she'd fought to ignore.

"I love you too."

He froze.

Tears slipped down her cheeks. "I always have." She angrily wiped them away. "You make it impossible not to fall in love with you."

"Chris." He whispered, kneeling down by her bedside.

His hand found hers. Tobias was for the first time at a complete loss for words.

Her bottom lip trembled as she looked at her hand in his. It felt right. His touch always felt right. It shouldn't. It never should have been a comfort nor a pleasure. Ethan's hand should have been the only one to give her all those feelings.

Ethan returned, stopping at the sight of them. His brow furrowed over Tobias kneeling and holding Chris's hand. He knew they had a close relationship, but this seemed almost...intimate.

He cleared his throat to get their attention. In bemusement, he watched them move away from one another and the slight guilty expressions forming on their faces. He knew then that what they had might actually go beyond friendship.

His gaze hardened. With a quick jerk of his head towards the hallway, he told Tobias to follow him.

"Ethan?" Chris called out. "Wait, I need to--"

He ignored her pleas to talk to her first. He suspected he knew what she would say. Before he could contemplate that, he needed to speak to Tobias.

The two left her and went into the diagnostics office.

***************

"What the hell is going on?" Ethan demanded.

Tobias pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. Squaring his shoulders, he met Ethan's furious eyes.

"Last night, I decided I couldn't keep my feelings to myself." He admitted. "I told Chris I was in love with her."

"You bastard!" Ethan spat. "So you took advantage of our fight to worm your way between us."

Tobias glared at him. "No. I told her I didn't expect anything to change between us. I didn't want her to break up with you because I see just how good she is for you."

Ethan cursed.

"I noticed you said, didn't." He pointed out. "Does that mean you now think she should end things with me?"

Tobias didn't hesitate.

"I do."

Ethan lunged forward and grasped the lapels of Tobias's scrubs, giving him a hard shake.

"How dare you?!" He roared. "You back stabbing son of a bitch!"

"How dare you!" Tobias snapped back. "You knew the type of future Chris wants all while knowing you weren't going to give it to her."

His eyes searched Ethan's.

"How could you lead her on?"

Ethan shoved him away.

"Actually, you could give her what she wants." Tobias continued. "But you refuse to."

"It's my life." Ethan snapped. "Not yours. Not Chris's. No one's but mine. I know what I can and can't live with. Marriage is a maybe, but children are definitely out of the question. I have neither the desire, the time, nor tolerance for that enormous change."

"It isn't your life if you have Chris in it." Tobias argued. "It's hers too."

"She loves me." Ethan muttered. "She'll understand."

"Of course she damn well understands!" Tobias slammed his fist on the table, wishing he could physically knock some sense into his friend. "But why should she give up something so important to her?"

"Why should I?" Ethan demanded.

"You shouldn't." Tobias told him. "You both deserve to have the life you want. That's why you have to let her go."

Ethan snorted in derision. "That's rich coming from the asshole hoping to take her from me."

"I'm not trying to do anything!" Tobias cried out. "I care about you both, but I couldn't hold back my feelings anymore."

He released a frustrated groan while running his hands over his face. "Look, I should have tried harder to keep silent until you and Chris resolved your problems. I know it was a dick move to tell her after finding out you had a fight."

Tobias looked once more at Ethan.

"But, I won't be the reason you two break up."

"Bullshit." Ethan grumbled. "You put the idea of the two of you in her mind. There's no coming back from that."

"You know as well as I do that nothing can force Chris to turn away from a commitment." Tobias snapped. "Her loyalty is beyond reproach. A hundred men could profess their love to her and she would still choose to be with the man she's given her heart to, which happens to be you."

Ethan glared silently at him, considering his words.

With a heavy heart, he told Tobias, "No. That person's you."

"I'm not a fool." He added with a great deal of bitterness. "I saw her in there with you. She might be with me and love me but she loves you."

His anger slowly turned to sadness the more he realized the truth.

"She spends more time with you than she does with me thanks to my new position here. She's loved you and your company for a long time now. Chris probably doesn't even realize how much she does."

Tobias refused to deny what he hoped was true.

Ethan sat down in one of the chairs.

"Damnit." He muttered. "Why did she have to want the impossible?"

"Is it really impossible?" Tobias sat down across from him. "Doesn't the thought of having a family with Chris give you hope?"

Ethan shook his head. "It fills me with dread and worry that I can't be what she or any child needs." He briefly closed his eyes. "I could end up doing what my mom did to me and Dad."

Tobias knew it was pointless to argue with Ethan about this. The man was convinced he'd inherited these awful traits from the parent who'd chosen her own wants over him.

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

Ethan rubbed a hand down his face before forcing himself to his feet.

"I'm going to talk to Chris."

Tobias watched him leave with a heavy heart. He didn't know what he should wish for in this predicament the three were now in. He only knew that in the end, they would all hurt, either from guilt or loss of a loved one.

Lowering his head in his hands, he gave in to the desperation he felt.

[kitkatt0430]

Now imagine Hartley getting ratsurrected, Selina Kyle-style... (Eowells pushed him out of the window? I don't know thh, just the visuals without any specific idea what exactly happened)

So I'm definitely gonna have to write a full fic for this at some point, but...

Hartley's always had a connection with rats. Since he was a kid and bonded with his third grade class' pet rat and won the right to keep that rat when the school year ended. He's always been kind to the rats on the streets, leaving them cheese or other safe things to eat and whatever soft bedding he could find when he'd happen upon a nest. They weren't bad creatures, they just... were misunderstood.

He gets the whole being misunderstood thing quite well.

When Hartley discovers the flaws in the accelerator, he documents and brings them to Harrison Wells attention. Harrison's response to the initial email is to request an after house meeting and it's not exactly unusual, especially when Hartley's brought this to Harrison's attention so late in the day.

Harrison has them go outside on one of the little terraces set up on the roof 'because if he's going to have such bad news then he needs the aesthetic' or some such nonsense. Hartley's preoccupied with explaining what he's found - of course he hasn't told anyone else, Harrison, don't be ridiculous - and so it comes as a great surprise to him when his most trusted friend and employer neatly shoves him off the roof of his place of employment.

Hartley lands hard, next to the dumpster, and Eobard can see from the top of the building that Hartley's definitely dead. To far of a fall and his neck is at a bad angle. Relieved that's taken care of, Eobard goes down to the security station, wipes the entire building's cameras for three hours backward and deactivates them - all using a brute force hack so it can't be traced back to him - wipes down any prints that might look incriminating and even a bunch that wouldn't just to make it look like someone who obviously didn't belong at STAR Labs killed Hartley and took files from Hartley's office and left.

And then Harrison leaves, heading straight home. And because he never checks on Hartley's body, he never learns what happened to Hartley next.

The Ratsurrection. (I love that so much, that's what Hartley thinks of it in his head.)

Cats, of course, have nine lives. So they have life to spare. Bringing a human back to life is much simpler for them. Still difficult which is why they so rarely do it, even when they do truly like the deceased human in question, but still. Human lives are big compared to rat lives or cat lives - not necessarily fuller, for a rat could live more in their very short lives than some humans did in eighty - but Hartley's kindness had saved the lives of so, so many rats over the years. Rats that survived winters in bedding made warm with the soft scraps Hartley gave them. Rats who didn't starve because of the food he shared. Babies that lived in relative safety because Hartley chose to be kind to such small and often reviled creatures.

There wasn't a single rat in the city who hadn't at least heard of Hartley, the human with the kind heart. And so as the evening passed into true night, rat after rat came scurrying to the dumpsters of STAR Labs to return to Hartley the kindness he had given them. And, little by little, the life taken from Hartley Rathaway was restored.

When he woke up, Hartley was surrounded by the rats and... somehow he knew. Somehow he just... he knew what they'd all done for him. No one had ever cared so much about him as these little rats had and he knew they'd changed him. Permanently. This kind of thing - this ratsurrection - wasn't something he got for free.

But still, he couldn't just stay in the alleyway hair matted from blood, looking like death warmed over. So he invited the most at risk of the rats to join him in his car, and took them home with him. His pet rats were freed from their cage - Hartley could make them understand now where was and wasn't safe to go in the apartment - and then set out plenty of food for his now much larger rat-family. He got something for himself too - a lot more cheese heavy than he'd normally pick - and considered what to do.

Harrison had murdered him. That couldn't be allowed to stand.

Hartley considers his options carefully. And decides to risk going into work the next morning to see what Harrison had done after he left to cover things up.

He arrives at his usual time - a little earlier, actually, but not so early as to be odd for him - and discovers the police already there investigating the 'break in' that led to several hours of internal security footage and data, including badge usage, to be lost. Hartley manages to avoid the worst of the hubub and goes to check his office. He finds a number of files missing - not just from the projects he managed, but also everything he'd compiled on the accelerator's flaws. He logs into his work computer to find every email concerning the accelerator's flaws to be missing too. And the plan he'd formulated in the early hours of the morning, surrounded by the rats who cared for him so much... crystalized.

He heads out of his office and down the hall where he interrupts Harrison talking to the police about finding out who hadn't shown up in the morning.

Now Eobard's already been a bit disturbed that morning to find that not only was Hartley's body not by the dumpsters that morning, but there was no trace of any corpse. Nothing. Not even blood. Like it had been cleaned away. (And it had, by the rats, at Hartley's request.) So when he sees Hartley standing in the doorway to his office, he can't help the way he reacts.

"Hartley, what are you doing here?"

"I think I know what the break in was about," Hartley replies calmly, and then adds, "are you okay Harrison? You look about as bad as I felt yesterday."

"You... I thought you'd stayed late last night," Eobard manages to say.

But Hartley shakes his head. "No, I had a migraine remember? Felt like my head was splitting right open. I barely managed to make it to my usual time to clock out, I'd have never lasted past six. Really... are you sure you're okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Of course Dt. Joe West wants to know what Hartley discovered and so Hartley says that while he's not sure how much is missing, some of his project files are gone and his personal notes on the accelerator. His personal notes could have been misplaced, he supposed, but the project files never left his office for any reason. So he's fairly sure they've all been stolen.

Hartley's office thus becomes a crime scene and Eobard wonders if he's finally lost it. So close to his goal and this is what breaks him?

Of course any evidence of Hartley staying late is gone because Eobard over-erased the cameras so he can't say that Hartley didn't leave early, that he didn't just... imagine shoving Hartley off the building, even though his cover up afterward was clearly real. It just doesn't make any sense.

Eobard never had this problem when he could do the vibrating-hand-of-death maneuver.

Meanwhile Hartley is having a blast. He's lost that obsession he used to have with being perfect and has become noticeably a bit scruffier looking. Nothing bad - it's a good look on him - but it's weird. Especially with him being nicer to people. Like Cisco and Caitlin. Ronnie floats the idea that Hartley's unwound because of that cute CSI he spent the day flirting with and apparently scored a date with. Allan something?

And while Hartley is now casually dating Barry Allen - unknowingly contributing to the ways he's now making Harrison Wells' life hell - he's also setting up an abandoned warehouse as a sort of safe haven/paradise for rats who want to live somewhere nicer and safer than the streets and working on his new alter ego, the Pied Piper. He really just doesn't care anymore about the social expectations about not doing good deeds that are technically illegal. So as the Pied Piper, why not do those things anyway? All while having told the police - and Barry - about how his personal notes held information about some odd power fluctuations in the accelerator he'd been investigating.

He lets them think he was further back in the actual investigation than he was and how of course he doesn't know why anyone would want those. Odds were he was just on the trail of bad wiring, worst case scenario is likely that he was on the trail of something that might set back the accelerator a few days. It couldn't possibly be anything serious and of course he'll keep the detectives apprised of his progress on re-investigating the accelerator. He even enlists Cisco, Ronnie, and a few others to make the investigation go faster.

Harrison is politely encouraged to keep his nose out of it, Hartley making it sound like there was a wild theory that the break in was staged by Harrison to keep any flaws in the accelerator from being found. Which was surely a ridiculous idea, but better safe than sorry when it came to safeguarding their beloved employer's reputation.

Planting the seeds of doubt - both in Hartley's fellow employees and the CCPD investigators - in Harrison Wells' innocence when (Eobard utterly helpless to stop the flood now) it turns out there is a big flaw in the accelerator and it's not a few days worth of delay. It's a 'rip it all out and start over' kind of delay.

Eobard continues trying to salvage the situation, but it's rapidly spun out of control. And he still has no idea if he actually murdered Hartley or not. If he murdered Hartley then who the fuck has been walking around in Hartley's dead body??? All while romancing Eobard's personal nemesis!!! In fact, Eobard is so distracted by his jealousy over Hartley dating Barry Allen (utterly seething with rage and how dare the traces of that leaking out cause Hartley - or not!Hartley - to just smile a little wider every time???) that he doesn't see the arrest coming until he's being marched out of STAR Labs in hand cuffs. It's not a murder charge and Eobard's lawyers are confident they'll beat it, but... his reputation is going to suffer.

Meanwhile Hartley? Hartley's getting lauded as a local hero... both as the guy who discovered STAR Lab's fatal flaws and as the Pied Piper who was improving the lives of both Central City's rat population and Central City's homeless human population. Admittedly, the latter identity was also wanted for questioning by the police, but Hartley just... doesn't care about that.

He cares about lives. About improving lives and saving lives and showing his gratitude to those who cared about his life in particular. And about trying every single cheese in the world. If he gets the chance.

[mathewryf]

This makes me think about someone in my life right now. He's in his 80s, and he's lost a lot of the physical ability I remember him having.

He watches a lot of news that's very right-leaning, and we have our political disagreements. But he's also been a father figure for my sisters and I since we were 14.

For all of our political differences, there's a million more good memories and good deeds shared between all of us.

In particular he helped me pick my ass up out of flunking middle school and high school.

Most people would think someone struggling with grades would need help studying, but anyone who knew me back than knew that was the only place I didn't need help. I barely studied at all outside of class and I still sat among the highest scores in class, if not THE highest. It was to the point that, at one of the schools I attended, the director of the STEM program pulled me into the office with the most befuddled look I've ever seen.

The real cause of my nearly flunking out was rooted entirely in what I'm now recognizing as undertreated disabilities. Even still, at the time I was an enigma. "If I'd just apply myself..." was something I heard endlessly.

Now, the man I'm talking about, he was just as lost in what was going on with me as the rest of the adults in my life. In spite of that, though, he stuck around to help my sisters and I pull ourselves together.

His approach to helping me started at the most important part of my daily life, and the part that bears the heaviest load in my life now:

Giving me motivation to get out of bed.

I'm serious. As simple as that sounds, without that constant effort I would have never made it anywhere.

At first it started a lot more forceful than I'd like. He bought a super soaker specifically for the purpose of getting me to stand up. Much as I hated it at the time, it worked. And it didn't take long for him to stop using it because there was something waiting for me every morning.

A scrambled egg and chocolate milk.

Once again it sounds simple, but it was enough that I eventually was able to get myself out of bed on my own. It got to the point I was ready to go before I sat down to eat.

Now truth be told, that whole sequence of events only happened regularly over the course of a semester. BUT. It created a habit. More importantly, it planted the seeds in my mind of how to motivate myself to get up and start the day.

It was at that time that I took a step towards making my own motivation. Namely, I learned to cook the scrambled egg myself!

From then on I would think to myself "I need to get out of bed on-time tomorrow so I can cook an egg." Over and over I focused on that.

And finally, at last, I learned how to take that thought process, and apply it to more than the egg.

"I gotta get up, I gotta go to school."

"I gotta get up, I want to play video games."

"I gotta get up, my dog needs a walk."

"I gotta get up."

"I want to get up."

It's seems so simple.

But because he did that, I graduated a year early, and I eventually managed to land a job and hold it long enough to move up a little bit.

Without him, I wouldn't be able to tell myself, every day, "I want to get up."

Of course I am returning the favor ten-fold. When he needs help, I'm there. Just like he was for me.

there’s something so sad about how we treat old people nowadays. historically, humans have accomplished so many great things because we valued our elders, took care of them, and gave them meaningful retirement. meanwhile we have seniors aged 60+ working in retail just to survive. can you imagine working your entire life, just to work until you die? in fucking retail? 

old people are not useless, they’re not a drain on the economy, and theyre not all bigoted windbags. theyre people! people! who have lived their entire fucking lives under capitalism. they deserve to retire peacefully and pursue their interests during the final years of their lives. they deserve to be taken care of. they deserve to go with dignity. 

there’s a hundred things wrong with how society views old people, but i never see anyone talking about it.

[selwyngrimm]

Last time we fucked was on your dorm room floor. You were wearing a gingham dress you had borrowed from your mom, and I can still feel the scratchy carpet on my knees as we lowered my pants down and we hiked the dress over your hips. We had just gotten back from spring break and our days before we returned home we're numbered. You had slept with a friend over break. It was his first time and it was the latest of your times with a first-timer. I knew all this; you had asked me before we left for our respective parts of another state. 

When we first met, I had mentioned that my favourite book was Stranger in a Strange Land. You had mentioned yours. We both read them without telling the other. We were both deeply touched and amused. It was a few days before spring break you asked me. It was late and dark, and we lay naked together in your lofted dorm bed. You told me about your friend who hadn't had sex yet, how he was sweet and you thought it'd be nice to make that milestone for him. You asked if I'd be okay with that. Without hesitance and enthusiastically, I agreed. I meant it. I'd do the exact same thing today; I have never questioned the correctness of my decision. That was that.

After, you told me you didn't think it was a good idea if we slept together for a bit. You didn't think it was fair to your friend because he didn't know that we were together. That confused me, but I was young and inexperienced and I was willing to be patient and not difficult. I didn't know that that had hurt me until arguably too late. I don't recall ever finding out if you told him. Other things happened. School got hard and you had less time. 

My high school English teacher had loaned me a school copy of the Stranger on the sly my senior year and I read it in an evening. It made an impact. Those weeks after spring break, when your projects and finals were bearing down on you, I was there ready to offer comfort and support. It was then that I learned that for people with concrete ambitions, for people who aren't me, the idea that ultimately nothing matters so if your struggling with your grades it's not worth getting worked up about isn't comforting. Not only that, but now I can imagine it's seems almost abusive to be coming from some you care about and is supposed to care about you.

The time you had for me waned. Things didn't so much end, as evaporated. When the day came to move out hugs were had and commitments to keep in touch were exchanged. It was comforting, but didn't do anything to assuage the lingering confusion I felt. The emptiness without clearly defined borders. There wasn't a hole in my heart. You were still there, I just hugged you, but now the you in my heart and the you in my soul were out of sync. Every move you made was mirrored a moment too late in my breast.

It's been eighteen years. We talk more sometimes. We talk less other times. Once, I wasn't in your presence for a decade and a half. Early on, I occasionally brought up my lack of resolution. You gave your side of it, or some of it. I'm not sure I ever managed to properly get out what answers I was searching for; any time I got to talk to you I was too flustered, too elated to drill into the messy bits. Every chance I have to talk to you any thought critical reflection or ire evaporate. To this day I can't tell if this is delusional or an expression of deep emotion.

I can't be trusted. I feel like I've never gotten definitive answers to things I've put forward. These feelings are suspect. How can I know that they're have been clear answers? How can I know I'm not just blind to them, judgment obfuscated by sentiment? 

I am a coward. I try and ask from time to time. I make broad and vague declarations and try and read tea leaves in the responses you give in kind. Rarely if ever am I unquestionably direct. I value you and our friendship so much, to risk fracturing it over something as petty and unimportant as my feelings seems foolish beyond measure. This is insulting to both of us. To imagine you wouldn't hear me with kindness and compassion, traits you possess and for which I love you for. To imagine that if I've been so thoroughly wrong about you that I would deserve to be treated ill by someone when being vulnerable with them.

I don't know where I expect this to lead. I don't know if things deepen or evaporate completely, leaving only salt rings on our souls. I don't know what you want. Perhaps that's always been the problem. I wonder if I ever asked. Probably not. For all the soberness of my character, I've always been a bit immature, a bit too shallowly self-reflective, not keen enough to see around me what I needed to. Maybe that's changed. Perhaps not. 

I remember laying on your floor once. I was reading a book and you had schoolwork strewn about you. I remember thinking in that moment that whatever the near future held, a break-up or other relations or just life in general, that despite not particularly believing in marriage per se I could see myself at the back half of my life being committed to you. It was a profound thing for a person of only nineteen years and only one relationship of a few months to think. It was a dangerous thing to think. 

How much can you trust the feelings of your younger self? How can you tell what's genuine or what's a youthful folly around which you've built yourself? Are things still real or are they just inescapably shaded by nearly two decades of misattributed hormones? After this long, does it really matter? 

I value you more than I think you can know. Who I am today isn't possible without you. It sounds trite and ridiculous, but when I look inside, the echoes of our friendship ring off every hollow. I can't honestly say what I hope for our future, because I don't know what you want. What I can unequivocally say is that no matter how present or absent you are in my life, you are always the one I hold most in esteem, the one dearest to my soul. I hope that that's a place we can work from. 

[talesfromsigil]

Royal Road: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/74124/theseus/chapter/1348481/the-gap-between-humans-and-machines

The simulations became less jarring when I was actually performing what I was supposed to do instead of crashing unceremoniously into an empty wasteland. It didn’t take more than two more trials to figure out how the landing gear worked and to keep the ship in one piece as I landed on the flatlands. The program didn’t agree with me, however, and deemed the flaws in my techniques unacceptable. I knew that Aisling would want to see the logs before we went back into the air, so I had to keep trying. I understood the controls, but I needed the practice. And so I ran it over and over again, determined to perform to the simulator’s standards. I spent all day landing in that dusty landscape over and over again. I had gotten an ‘ACCEPTABLE’ grade twice on runs that I couldn’t believe I could do better in. They felt perfect. Almost like a machine, but it was never quite good enough.

I eventually wondered if maybe I just needed a fresh perspective. I decided to move onto the other simulations. I immediately felt comfortable running the maneuvers, but the scores showed the same disappointment. I was learning how to do it, but there were so many flaws I couldn’t even completely see. I even went into the battle simulations. They had metrics that I was supposed to follow. I tried my best but I kept taking damage that was thankfully muted by the program, and I wasn’t getting outright destroyed, but I knew that such hits were causing crew casualties. My maneuvers were too rough. I couldn’t follow the planned movements of the simulation, it was too intricate. I finally returned to the simple landing sim, and I wasn’t doing any better with my expanded experience.

I was getting tired. My headache was returning quickly. But I was determined. I had to become a passable flyer, and that started with learning how to properly take a ship out of the sky and onto the ground without destroying it, and I was presumably causing some sort of danger for the crew with what felt like a perfect technique now. None of my other scores were reflecting anything good.

I sighed. I wished that I could consult someone about this, but it’s not like I could walk up to another ship core and go ‘Hey, I’m having trouble with my landing homework, can you give me a hand?’

I quit the program out of frustration and put my arms behind my head, staring up at the ceiling. I wished so badly that I could look up into that familiar void and let my head take a break, but my stupid recovering body was holding me back. I would just have to settle for idly tracing the cabling in the ceiling with my mind and try to calm down.

“Something wrong?” a voice came from the doorway, making me jump. It was Ray. How the hulking woman had managed to sneak up on me at the center of my own ship was beyond me. I supposed that I must have been so preoccupied with my sims that I missed the sensor data “Easy, it’s just me.” She chuckled “Thought you were over the whole Mammon thing after last night.”

I had to pause a moment and think back “Uh… what happened last night?” I had to ask. My memory was still really fuzzy.

She looked a little bit embarrassed “Nothing much. What’s eating you?”

Ignoring that I must have missed out on something important, I let out a sigh “It’s this training program Aisling got me. I’m trying my best, but it’s not giving me the results I want. I’ve got less than two days to be a good enough pilot to make sure I can keep all of us alive.”

“Whoa, whoa, settle down now.” She sounded comforting as she approached “You act like we’re going into war. You don’t have to be perfect, Meryll.” She sat down on the bed next to me and it creaked a little under her weight.

“I do have to be perfect though.” I pulled my legs up to give her room, holding them close to my chest and giving myself a comforting hug “Computers have to be so exact, we can’t just make guesses or just accept imprecision, even minor deviance is a big problem.”

She smiled down at me and again put her claw on my shoulder, showing that she had a gentle touch despite its terrible strength “Well, it’s a good thing you’re not a computer then.” She reminded me “There’s no such thing as perfect for us humans, and it’s better that way. Especially in combat.”

“But if I screw up, then someone could die. I could die. EVERYONE could die.” I threw my arms out to emphasize the gravity of my role. My eyes felt wet. I had to play such an important role, yet I was still so new to all of this.

“And the same thing could happen if you do it exactly right.” She said solemnly “Especially if you’re so rigid that you can’t adapt. That’s where we’re better than computers. I grew up without all these machines. Well, without most of them. And I’ve noticed since I came on this journey that computers only know what to do when things go perfect. When things go to hell, we can decide to do something new. Something no one expected, especially not a machine.”

I’d been running simulations the entire day, and my scores still weren’t acceptable… but maybe I was focusing too hard on the simulator’s metrics. Of flying to a computer’s view of perfection. But there was something I realized in that moment. I was a thinking starship. Literally every other ship out there was a computer. A ship core with no mind or soul. And they were all expecting every other ship to also be a machine. They were expecting their opponents to follow all of the rules. Ray was right, I could turn being human into a major boon.

I looked down at my terminal “You’re right.” I clicked into the dogfight simulator one more time, my brow furrowing as I was determined to take my training off the rails.

—

The opponent ship and I faced each other in open space as usual. My own cognitive whiplash from entering the virtual space disappeared quickly, and I immediately shut out the scoring algorithm and the combat guidance script so I couldn’t see them. This was my battle now.

We launched toward each other and rather than make the planned maneuver to safely circle around and try to get into an advantageous position, I accelerated. I aimed the front of the ship directly for my opponent. Its weapons were trained to the side, expecting me to move to the side with it, but I flew directly past the enemy, above it, spiked the power to one side of my engines and then cut all propulsion, causing my ship to spin around at its trajectory. I smiled wide as I opened fire on my opponent’s engines from behind while it was still trying to read exactly where I was going.

—

I snapped back to my heart again, with Ray looking down at me, a concerned expression on her face. “Ah.” I started, still smiling at the exhilaration of what I’d just pulled, even if it was just a simulation. Lifting my arm, I saw that the report read out ‘FAILED’ and that it had to terminate the simulation early due to unforeseen variables. I scrolled down from there however and saw that the opponent had been disabled. There was no damage to my own ship, and while there was what was deemed an unacceptable amount of turbulence in my own ship, that there would have been no casualties. “Hah! Fuck you, sim! That sounds like a win to me!” I declared victoriously.

Ray let go of me and let out a laugh “There you go.” She patted me on the head again “I have no idea what just happened, but it sounds like you did something good.”

“I think I did.” I nodded enthusiastically “You’re absolutely right, this thing was made for a regular ship core. It’s reliant on the idea that every ship is using a core, it doesn’t know what to do with a human pilot. And the real thing’s going to be just the same! Creativity, that’s what’s going to give me an edge.”

“You really are a shaman, aren’t you?” Ray mused “You go into a trance and you go somewhere else, only you use technology. It’s amazing!”

“I mean, it’s not like it’s magic.” I chuckled “It’s science. I think we could figure out how all of this works in my head if there were more people like me to study.”

“Well, until then, it’s magic.” She declared, but put her claw over top of my terminal so I couldn’t see it “But I think you’ve been sitting here at this for too long. It’s almost time for dinner, and you shouldn’t overwork yourself. It’s a real problem with you outer colony folks.”

I reached my other hand up to my head and felt at my eyes. They were strained. What time was it? Closing my eyes and checking the data stream, I saw that it was a short way into the evening. I’d spent the entire day inside my head doing imaginary ship combat and landing sequences. I could feel everyone else on board as well, gathering around the mess hall “Guh… yeah. Time gets away from me when I’m focused, I guess.” I admitted as I moved to get up and stumbled around on the floor. I wondered if my sense of balance would ever be what it once was again.

Ray rolled her eyes and got up with me, holding her arms out to make sure I didn’t fall “Shamans always neglect their bodies. Come, I’m going to be making a stew.”

[bellamyblakru]

lol i finished the cruel prince series😌✌🏻

~spoilers~

since i read these three books in about two days, it’s fairly telling that i enjoyed them LOL first things first, i love jude still. she was my absolute favorite at the beginning and stayed my favorite until the end. i love enemies to lovers, and with a badass female mc lead who knows her worth and fights for what she wants? how could i not be sold😭

cardan, man, i love him so much. my heart aches thinking of his childhood, and, in the face of such horribleness, he still manages to be kind, fair, and completely fucking smitten with my girl. HE LOVES HER SO FUCKING MUCH THAT IT MAKES ME SQUEAL. akakalakaakak god, give me a fae king infatuated with me, and only me, and you bet your ass i would fold way faster than jude did😂

i think mainly my only problem with this series, maybe, is that i would have loved a chapter from cardan’s pov, ALSO WHAT THE FUCK DID HE WRITE IN THE LETTERS? they answer that vaguely but come onnnn i wanted more jude/cardan talk time because i absolutely adored them. sigh, nothing fills the hole that finishing aelin’s story left in me, but this was a good escape. and i definitely recommend.

as always, since i didn’t do it for the first two books of the series since i binged them too fast, here is my one of my favorite quotes:

“What they don’t realize is this: Yes, they frighten me, but I have always been scared, since the day I got here. I was raised by the man who murdered my parents, reared in a land of monsters. I live with that fear, let it settle into my bones, and ignore it. If I didn’t pretend not to be scared, I would hide under my owl-down coverlets in Madoc’s estate forever. I would lie there and scream until there was nothing left of me. I refuse to do that. I will not do that.”

YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?? jude never gave up. she was strong, and brave, and beautiful, and wicked, and unapologetic for who she is. and i love that. she found her strengths and weaknesses, had a strong heart and an even stronger mind. she was cunning and good at it, and i love her morally gray nature. its so refreshing and she is absolute a queen.

(close second was “kiss me until im sick of it” because cardan owns my heart and soul and i squealed out loud at that)

[arlana-likes-to-write]

How Do I Say Good-bye by Dean Lewis

Holy cow two posts in two days! I guess that what happens when I get over my writer’s block lol. 

The Adventure of Y/n Barton and Yelena Belova - Master post 

Summary: After 5 years, the Avengers come together to rewrite the wrong that happened in Wakanda. What happens when your father returns from the time heist without the one person that was your constant for 5 years? 

Warnings: major character death (sort of), angst, grief, guilt, mention of death 

Word count: 5.6k

“Clint, where’s Nat?” You heard Bruce ask your father. You looked up from the book you were reading to calm your nerves while you waited for everyone to return. The spot next to your father was empty. He was on his knees showing an orange rock in his hands. He looked around the circle and his eyes landed on you. Your heart began to beat, you wondered if they could hear it in the silent room. Thud. Thud. Thud. The organ pounded against your ribcage. You saw mouths moving but their words weren’t registering to you. The room felt incredibly small. You jumped out of your chair, it fell to the ground but you didn’t bother to fix it. You took off running towards the door. By the time the New York Sun hit your face, you shifted to a husky. You felt the grass on your hands and feet as you sprinted to the dock that rested on the pound. Staring into the reflection into the water, you shifted back. Your jaw clenched as you kept the tears that threatened to fall at bay. The calmness and isolation only lasted a moment as you heard footsteps joining you. You knew who it was without looking over your shoulder. Your father knelt down next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. It was supposed to be an act of comfort but you flinched away. You stood up and leaned against a wooden post. 

“Yelena was part of the Blip, right?” Tony asked, breaking the heavy silence. Your already broken heart shattered more at the mention of the blonde Black Widow. You felt sick. 

“Yeah,” You said, finding your voice. It was shaky. You cleared your throat and hugged yourself. Your father was standing now, looking down at the wooden deck. Bruce was looking out towards the water as Steve and Tony were sitting on the bench. The God of Thunder was the only one not standing still. He was pacing. “Alexei and Melina are in St. Petersburg. We’ll or I’ll tell them.” You spoke with the Black Widow’s adoptive family a handful of times. Natasha tried to call them every once in a while to settle their nerves. But you knew the Russian needed a reminder of family, someone other than you. Thor stopped pacing and looked at you. 

“What?” He questioned. You hummed questionably. “What are you doing?” The question directed at you got the attention of your father. The god closed the distance between you. You scrunched your nose as he reeked of alcohol. “You're acting like she’s dead. Why are we acting like she’s dead?” He asked, facing the group. “We have the stones, right? As long as we have the stones we can bring her back.” He faced you again. “Stop this shit. We are the Avengers.” He took another step towards you. If your back wasn’t already against a pole, you would have moved back to create more space between you and the God. “Get it together.”

“Step away from my kid.” Clint said. The God held your gaze. “We can’t bring her back.” Thor finally looked away from you and towards your father. “It can’t be undone.” You looked down at the dock. “It can’t.” Thor laughed. 

“No offense but you are all very earthly beings, okay, and we’re talking about space magic and can’t seems very definitive. Don’t you think so?” You closed your eyes as they burned with unshed tears. 

“Look I know that I’m way outside my pay grade here but she still isn’t here, is she?” Clint yelled. “It can’t be undone or that’s at least what the red, floating guy had to say. Maybe you wanna go talk to him, okay? Go grab your hammer and you go fly and you go talk to him.” He paused. You glanced up, looking at your family. Steve had a few tears running down his cheeks. Bruce ripped off a bench and threw it across the water. “It was supposed to be me.” Your head snapped to look at your father. He looked at anything and everything besides you. But you could see the tears in his eyes. “It should have been me.” He confessed again, this time looking at you. You were going to be sick. “She sacrificed herself for those goddamn stones. She put her life on it. We have to make it count.”

“We will.” Steve said. 

“Wait,” you said, holding your hands up. “Are we going to gloss over the fact that he just said he was going to sacrifice himself for that stupid rock?” No one said anything. 

“Y/n.” Clint said, slowly taking a step towards you. 

“No,” You said, putting your hand up. “I am this close to losing my mind.” You rubbed your hands against your face. “For 5 years I was with her. I watched her mourn for Wanda, for Vision, for everyone.” You yelled. “I watched as she tried to keep the world together.” You looked at your father. “As she tried to bring you home.” You pointed to him. “And none of you were there.” You closed your eyes as your lips trembled. You knew it was unfair to spill these words at them. They all dealt with the Blip in their own way. But you were hurting and in pain and the one person that you were able to turn to for 5 years wasn’t there. You opened your eyes. “So yeah we’ll bring everyone back. But the one person who wanted it more than anything won’t be here to see it.” 

*

You sat in your room while the others came up with the last touches on the plan to bring everyone back. You were resting your back against the headboard with a few polaroids you had taken over the years. They mostly consisted of you and Natasha making a mess in the kitchen. “Why did you leave us all behind?” You asked the photos. You didn’t know how to say goodbye to someone you’ve known your whole life. There was so much you wanted to say but there was no time.

“Knock, knock,” Your door opened and you watched as Steve came in, closing the door behind him. He sat on the edge of your bed. Steve was the only ‘non-active’ member of the team you saw constantly. 

“I didn’t say you could come in.” You deadpanned, not looking away from the photos. 

“No, but we both no you can’t say no to this face.” He managed to pull a smile out of you and you rolled your eyes. You bit the inside of your cheek.        

“It’s not fair.” You finally whispered. “It’s not fair they both had to go there because no matter what I’d be losing someone I cared about.” You looked up at him. “She was my life line.” You hated the usage of ‘was’. 

“And you were her’s.” 

“How do I tell Yelena or Wanda?” You asked. “How do I look them in the eye and explain to them it was either her or my father?” Steve sighed. 

“I don’t know, kid.” He answered honestly. “But you won’t have to do it alone.” Alone? You had the two things that you and Natasha dreamt about for 5 years, a way to rewrite the loss and the compound full of people. But she wasn’t here to see it. Your door opened and your father stepped in. 

“Tony and Bruce finished the gauntlet,” he said. “Just waiting on you Cap.” Steve nodded and stood up. Clint took Captain America’s spot. The air in your room became suffocating. “I’m sorry.” He said. You looked at the man in front of you. He has changed so much since the last time you saw him. 

“Sorry about what?” You questioned. 

“I’m sorry I’m sitting here and she’s not.” Your jaw clenched as anger swept through you. 

“That’s not -” You let out a shaky breath to calm your nerves. “Let’s just bring everyone back.” You stood up from your bed before putting a random photo into your pocket. It was one of Natasha decorating Christmas cookies and she was covered in flour. You left your room not even looking back at your father. 

*

You walked into Tony’s lab while Bruce was walking over to the gauntlet as it rested on the table. “You saw what those stones did to Thanos.” He  said, his voice was surprisingly calm. “They almost killed him. None of you could survive that.”

“How do we know you will?” You asked, making your presence known. Bruce picked it up and looked at you. 

“We don’t.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the situation. You ignored the look from your father. “But the radiation is mostly gamma.” He continued. “It was like I was made for this.” The Avengers looked around the room at one another as no one said anything to talk Bruce out of it. You bite your lip, keeping the snarky comments at bay. You needed all of them together, not fighting against each other because you were pissed off. 

“Alright,” Tony said. “Remember everyone Thanos snapped away five years ago, you're just bringing them back now.” he gestured to the room. “Today. Don’t change anything from the last five years.”

“Got it.” He said, looking at the stones. You didn’t like this. A knot formed in your stomach. Everyone formed a circle around the doctor. Thor pushed Rocket behind him. Rhodey and Scott activated their helmet. Steve motioned for you to join him, the super soldier covered you with his shield. He gave you a reassuring smile but you couldn’t return it, you were too focused on Bruce. 

“FRIDAY,” Tony said, activating his own suit and producing a shield to cover him and your father. “Do me a favor and activate the Barn Door Protocol, will you?”

“Yes boss.” The AI answered. You looked around as the glass roof was blocked by an additional metal roof. The same metal material covered the windows of the lab. You gulped and grabbed onto Steve’s arm. 

“Everybody comes home.” Bruce said, putting it on. As soon as the gauntlet formed around his hand, the stones powered up. A surge of electricity ran through his arm and he fell to his knees with a pained groan. 

“Take it off. Take it off.” Thor pleaded. Steve held up his hand. 

“No wait,” he said. “Bruce, are you okay?” He didn’t answer as he was groaning in pain. Your eyes widened. 

“Talk to me, Banner.” Tony said. He nodded. 

“I’m okay,” he did not look okay. He looked the opposite of okay. “I’m okay.” He said again. You weren’t sure if he was trying to reassure everyone or himself. He yelled as he lifted his hand and snapped his fingers. Bruce fell onto his back as the gauntlet came off. You and your father were the first to move. Clint kicked the stones away from Bruce as you fell to your knees next to him. His arm was badly burned. 

“No one move him.” Tony said. He used his suit to spray some sort of cooling spray onto Bruce’s arm. Bruce grabbed your arm with his non-injured hand.  At any other time you would be worried if the Hulk grabbed onto you but it was different. You put your hand on his.       

“Did it work?” Bruce asked. 

“We’re not sure,” Thor said. “It’s okay.” You watched as the windows opened and Scott walked out. Birds chirping filled the quietness. That quietness was broken as you and your father’s phone went off. You stood up, walked away from the group and pulled out your cell phone and gasped. “Lila,” you said, answering the phone. You vaguely heard your father answer his phone with a soft, “Honey.” 

“Y/n? Where are you? What is going on? I don’t understand.” She asked. 

“Guys,” Scott said. “I think it worked.” You blocked out your sister’s rambling as the sun shining down was blocked. The hairs on your neck stood up. 

“Take cover!” You yelled but it was too late. The blast sent you flying and the world went dark. 

*

Your ears were ringing as your exhausted body slumped to the ground. The ruins of the compound were settling. Thanos was gone. Everyone was back and on paper you’ve won. But there was an ache in your chest as you watched Shuri work on Tony, trying to save him. You pulled out the picture from your pocket. The edges were ripped and it was covered in dirt but you didn’t care. You heard your name. It was distant and echoed as if you were sinking underwater. “Y/n!” It was much clever now as you looked up and saw Wanda running over to you. You didn’t have time to process it as she threw herself into your arms. You let out a pained groan. “I’m sorry.” She said, letting you go  but she cupped your face in her hands. “Five years.” She said, “Strange said it’s been 5 years.” 

“Wanda.” You said slowly. 

“I don’t believe it. I don’t understand. We were here on second and it felt like no time passed.” You said your friend’s name again but it didn’t cut through her rambling. “Natasha. I need to find her.” The mention of your godmother’s name almost broke the dam you’ve been trying to keep up. 

“Wanda.” You said a little bit louder. The urgency in your voice stopped the rambling. Your voice got the attention of Clint and Steve and they talked over to you. 

“Where is Nat?” She asked. You looked down and removed one of her hands from your face to your temple. Her fingers began to glow and you felt her magic but she still waited for your consent. You nodded as her magic entered your memories. You showed her everything. The hundreds of movie marathons you had, late night meetings, and the days you found the Black Widow training to the brink of exhaustion so she couldn’t dream of the Battle of Wakanda. You showed her every laugh and every tear shed. Finally, you showed her when your father returned without her girlfriend by his side. She pulled back her magic and clutched her hand to her chest. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. “No,” she whispered. “She can’t be gone.” You pulled her into a tight hug as you felt her tears against your skin and her hands twisted in the fabric of your shirt. You closed your eyes. 

I’ll make sure she’s alright, you promised. 

*

A week. That was how long everyone decided to regroup back at Tony’s cabin to have a small service for those lost. It gave everyone enough time to regroup with their loved ones and heal from their wounds, especially Tony who survived because of the Wakandans. So you sat in the back of the car, head resting on the window as Clint drove back to the farm. Wanda was in the front seat. Clint insisted on her staying at the farm, you wondered if his guilt was eating at him. Soon the two story building you haven’t called home began to appear. The sound of the approaching vehicle alerted your mom and siblings as the front door opened and they came running out. Your father parked the car and turned it off. Once again, their voices were distorted. You vaguely heard Wanda say, “I got her.” It was your only warning before she opened your door. Her cheeks were still stained with tears and the smile she was wearing was forced. You wondered why you haven’t cried. You felt the tears but they wouldn’t fall. You felt numb. Crying for her made it real. “Hey,” Wanda said softly. “Your mom really wants to see you.” You looked over her shoulder and saw the tearful reunion between Clint and Laura. Natasha never told you in detail the crimes he committed as the Ronin. But you knew the blood shed had to be intense. You remembered one night sneaking out of your room to find Natasha at her desk trying to pinpoint a lead on where your father was. She had photos of bodies left behind. “Malen’kiy yastreb (little hawk).” Natasha’s nickname for you snapped you out of your thoughts. You looked at the Solovkian. Her faced showed the pained expression as she ventured into your mind. “Do you want to talk about it?” You shook your head, closing your mind to her. 

“No.” You said. There was too much going on for you to unload something else onto her. You got out of the car and mindlessly walked over to your family with Wanda close behind. Lila was the first to see you coming and broke away from everyone into a sprint. You caught her in your arms and fell to the ground. “I’ve missed you so much.” You whispered. 

“I thought you were dead,” she said. “When I heard that explosion on the phone, I thought the worst.” You squeezed her tighter. You could feel her heartbeat against yours, it was erratic. You slowed down your own breathing so she could match yours. Her heart calmed down.   

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” You promised. You watched as your mom walked over to you, silent tears on her face. You let go of your sister, who went to hug Wanda. 

“My baby girl,” She said. “You’ve grown up.” You stood up, folding your hands in front of you. 

“5 years.” You said. “A lot happens in that time.” Laura let out a small sop and brought you into a hug. 

“I’m so sorry.” You tensed up in her arms. She wasn’t the one you wanted an apology from. Once she let go of you, you gave a big hug to Cooper. 

“Where is Aunty Nat?” Nathaniel asked, as you knelt down to his level to give him a hug. Your stomach dropped. 

“Let’s go inside.” Clint said. You stood up as everyone headed inside. Your father had his arms around your siblings and Wanda was holding onto your mom like a lifeline. You looked up at the blue sky. 

“How do I say goodbye?” You asked. “You gave Natheniel his name and you always saw what’s best in me.” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I don’t want to say goodbye.” 

* 

You stepped into your room, drying your hair with a towel. A shower was desperately needed after you caught up the rest of your family on what happened in the years they missed. You kept it PG, not wanting you siblings to learn who their father became. You were going to leave it to him to tell his wife. To your surprise Wanda fell asleep on the couch. You wrapped a blanket around her. Clint wanted to spend time together as a family but you wanted to be alone. You laid down on your bed, hair still wet but you didn’t care. It was weird. For 5 years, all you wanted was for people to be around but now that they were back you wanted to retreat. You wanted to crawl back into the bubble you created. You closed your eyes, hoping that you could dream away the past 10 hours. But the shrill sound of your phone ringing caused you to open your eyes. You were surprised it survived the fight but STARK INDUSTRIES made the best for a reason. You let it go to voicemail, it was probably an old school friend from school but you didn’t have the energy to deal with them. But your phone rang again. With a sigh, you stood up and grabbed your phone. 

“Fuck,” You mumbled falling back onto your bed as you read Yelena’s name on the caller ID. Clearing your dry throat, you answered the call. “Yelena, hi.” Your voice was surprisingly steady. 

“Where is she?” She asked. She sounded on the verge of tears. “Where is Natalia?”

“Why don’t you come to Iowa?” You countered. You knew it was best for this conversation to happen in person. It also allowed Yelena to not be alone. 

“Iowa.” She said, slowly. “Is my sister in Iowa?”

“Well no but -”

“Then I won’t be going to Iowa.” She cut you off. The anger was replacing the tears. “So, where is she?” You took a steady breath. Your heart was beating in your chest again. Thud. Thud. Thud. 

“She’s gone.” You said. “She’s dead. Natasha sacrificed herself to bring everyone back.” You explained everything to her. Staring with Thanos and his radical idea and how he planned to accomplish it. The battle at Wakanda and how the Avengers lost, resulting in half of the population losing 5 years. She didn’t say anything and half the time you thought she hung up but you heard her breathing. “We are having a service for her and a few others in a week. I can send you the address.” She still remained silent. “Yelena, please say something.” 

“You got so much time with her.” You nodded even though she couldn’t see it. 

“I know and I’m so sorry. I’m here for you.” She laughed bitterly. 

“That’s not going to bring her back.” 

“Yelena -” The line went dead. You redialed her number but the call went straight to voicemail. “Dammit.” You slammed your hand against your bed. Your room became suffocating, claustrophobic. Your lungs didn’t want to take in oxygen. You jumped off your bed and ran out of your room. 

“Y/n.” Clint said as you ran past him. The commotion woke up Wanda but you didn’t care. You kept running until you reached the barn and fell to your knees. The dam was breaking. You could see the cracks forming and your breathing was erratic. Bile was moving up your throat. You were going to be sick. 

“Sweetheart,” Your mom’s voice was breaking through the fog. You felt her hand on your back slowly drawing circles. “Breathe for me. In and out. In and out.” You copied her and soon your breathing evened out. You sat back, pulling your knees to your chest. 

“Yelena called me.” You said. “I had to tell her that the sister she just got back is gone.” You shook your head. “It’s not fair. It’s-” You stopped yourself. 

“You have to let it out.” She said, “Holding it in is going to make it worse.” You couldn’t. You couldn’t tell her what you were feeling because you didn’t know. Everything was all mixed up. “He told me.” You looked up into your mother’s eyes. “Your father. He told me what happened, all those years we were gone.” Ronin. It was the name given to him as he took justice in his own hands. Ronin. Ronin. Ronin. “Say what you need to say.”

“I want her back. But if I say that does that mean I wish my dad was the one to go?” You cleared your throat. “I don’t know how to say goodbye to her and I’m scared of what life is going to be like without her. She was all I had for 5 years and now.” You looked down. “And now she’s gone. She’s gone, mom. Why does she have to be gone?” Something inside you snapped. The dam broke and you cried. Laura caught you in her arms and held you tight as you sobbed. “How could she leave us all behind?”

*

The week leading up to the service flew by. You lived in a blur, things were just happening around you as you cared for those around you. You were a shoulder to cry on for Wanda and read stories to Nathaniel when his dreams haunted him. When sleep evaded you, you found Clint nursing some bourbon in the kitchen. You joined him, not speaking to one another. It was exhausting, this weird dance you were playing with him. 

You were sitting on the porch, looking up at the night stairs. You were leaving for New York in the morning and you needed sleep but it was evading you. You wrapped the blanket tighter around you. Late night talks under the night stars were some of your favorite memories with Natasha. You learned quickly that the Black Widow didn’t know where the constellations were and the stories behind them. It made you feel special that you knew something that your godmother didn’t. So you began to show them to her and tell their stories. “Mind if I join you?” You yelped at the sudden voice and stared at the blonde Russian standing in front of you. 

“Yelena,” You knew she asked you a question. She was waiting for your permission but your brain was trying to register her sudden appearance. “Yeah, of course.” She sat down next to you, rubbing her hands together. You gave her some of the blanket. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you know where I live.” She gave you a sad smile. 

“Natasha gave me the address before I left the compound. She said,” her voice cracked. “She said I’d always be welcomed here, that I’d be safe.” 

“She was right.” You sat in silence, allowing the gentle breeze and the crickets to tell their story. Yelena was looking up at the stars, dark circles under her eyes. “I was worried about you.” You finally said. “I tried calling you but the call went straight to voicemail.” She nodded. 

“I broke my phone. I got a new one with a new number.” You laughed. 

“That would make sense.” You watched as the Russian smile. “She talked about you all the time.” You watched as her shoulders tense up. “She was so proud of you. She loved you so much and just wanted you to be safe.” In the moonlight you saw tears leaving her eyes and running down her cheeks. 

“It shouldn’t have gone this way. If I was there, I could have stopped it. I could have..I could have changed it.” 

“Nothing was going to stop her, Yelena. You know Natasha.” She let out a soft sob, bringing her closed fist to her mouth. You’ve had the same thoughts. What if you conceived the team to be a part of the time heist? Could you have stopped her? “She made her choice.” You said to her echoing the same words your mom and father said to you. “We’re gonna have to find a way to live with it.”

“I loved her so much.” She confessed, looking at you. You nodded. 

“Me too.” You whispered, smiling at her. “Me too.” Yelena shivered as a gust of wind blew through. “Come on.” You said, standing up and holding out her hand. “Stay the night. Please.” She hesitated but took your hand and got to her feet. You brought her inside. “We have a full house but uh you can bunk with me or you can have my room and I can sleep on the couch or..”

“The couch is fine.” She said, cutting you off with a smile. 

“Right.” You blushed. “I’m upstairs, first door on your left. Come get me if you need anything.” She nodded. Without thinking, you grabbed her hand again. She looked down at your connected hands. “Anything, I mean it.” You squeezed her hand. “Good night Yelena.”

“Goodnight Y/n.” You let go of her hand and walked upstairs to your room. You were surprised to feel a weight lifted off your chest as you climbed into bed. Finally sleep came easy for you. 

*

A gently knock woke you up. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and walked over to your door. Once again you were surprised to see Yelena standing there. Her cheeks were stained with fresh tears. You pulled the emotional Black Widow into your room and down onto your bed. “Nightmare?” She didn’t have to answer for you to know. “I’m pretty cold.” You said. “I can’t really sleep when I’m cold. Can you sleep in here tonight?” You pulled your sheets back. You had a queen size bed so you had the space. The entire time Yelena was watching you carefully. You sighed. “When was the last time you slept?”

“I don’t know.” She whispered. You nodded. 

“We both need sleep.” You said, climbing under the covers. “The choice is yours obviously but here you're safe.” You laid down and closed your eyes. 

*

Yelena stared at your sleeping form, extremely conflicted on the emotions running through her. She woke up from a nightmare she’s had before but when she woke up, a scream almost left her lips, you were her first thought. A stranger. Someone she barely knew. But she felt safe and at a sense of peace. Natasha was right, Bartons were a unique group of people. Natalie. Yelena bit her lip and rubbed the tears out of her eyes. She missed her sister so much. The Russian crawled underneath your blanket. She was surprised how warm you were, it lured her into a dreamless sleep. 

*

The service was exhausting. Everyone said kind words about Natasha, Vision, and everyone that gave their lives to protect the world. You were more focused on Yelena during the entire service, who barely said a word. As it came to a close, you were standing with Bruce at the time machine. He was getting it ready to send someone to bring the stones back. “Let me be the one to put the stones back.” His head snapped to look at you, you were surprised it didn’t give him whiplash. 

“Are you insane?” He asked. “Your father would kill me if we sent you back.” You rolled your eyes at the doctor. Your father was a lot of things but there was no way he’d be able to take on the Hulk.

“Bruce, please, I want to help. I didn’t do anything last time and -” Your voice trailed off. Bruce gently placed his hand on your shoulder. 

“I get it kid. But it’s far too dangerous.” You sighed, knowing he was right. 

“Who's going then?” He gestured over your shoulder and you turned around. Steve changed out of his suit and into his Captain America uniform. He had a small briefcase in one hand and his shield in the other. He was talking with Wanda and Yelena. You were too far to hear what they were saying but whatever Steve said made them smile. It was nice to see. After the service, you watched as your father, Yelena, and Wanda walked by the water’s edge. You wanted to give them some space so that’s how you ended up with Bruce. 

“I tried to bring her back.” He said. You looked back at him, he was tinkering with the machine. He could only use one arm as the arm he used to snap was in a sling. “When I had the gauntlet and the stones I thought I could bring her back.” He shrugged. You weren’t sure how to respond as you knew the relationship between the doctor and Black Widow was complicated. “I miss her.” You could relate to that. 

“Yeah, I miss her too.”

“Everything all set?” Steve asked, walking up next to you. In place of his shield, he was holding Mjolnir. The sound of leaves crunching behind you was the indication that people were walking behind you, a quick glance and you saw Bucky and Sam. Sam was holding onto Steve’s shield. 

“All set Cap.” Before he moved onto the platform, you grabbed onto his arm. 

“What are you doing?” You asked. He gave you a confused look. 

“Bring the stones back.” He said simply. You let go of his arms. You didn’t believe him. Something didn’t feel right. He stepped onto the platform. You couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong, it was a feeling deep in your stomach. 

“Remember,” Bruce said. “You have to return the stones to the exact moment you got’em or you’re gonna open up a bunch of nasty alternative realities.” 

“Don’t worry Bruce.” He hit his sleeve and his Captain America suit changed into the white tech suit. 

“How long is this going to take? “ Sam asked. You bit your cheek. You were experiencing major deja vu and it was not a good one. 

“For him, as long as he needs. For us, five seconds.” Bruce answered. “All right, we’ll meet you back here, okay?” He looked directly at you. His blue eyes looking onto yours. With a smile, he nodded his head. 

“You bet.” His helmet went on. 

“Going quantum in three…” Your heart started to beat. “Two.” You couldn’t lose anyone else. “One.” Steve disappeared. You held your breath. “And returning in five, four, three, two, one.” Bruce turned a switch. You heard it click but the platform was empty. You looked at Bruce who was looking at a small screen. Where is he? Panic started to spread through you. 

“Where is he?” Sam asked. “I’m not sure.” You couldn’t do this again. Natasha. Vision. Hell you almost lost Tony. 

“Well bring him the hell back.” Bruce pressed a few buttons and the machine came back to life. It was as if you blinked because the empty platform had two figures on it both wearing the white tech suits. You knew one was Steve as his helmet disappeared and you heard Sam and Bucky yelling at him for making them worry. But your attention was on whoever Steve brought back. Their helmet disappeared and you gasped. 

“Natasha.”

________

Did we notice some moments from Hawkeye? So you may be asking yourself, Arlana does the TV series Hawkeye happen in this AU? The answer is yes and I will be writing it for one of my Christmas one shots! 

Hope you enjoyed this. If you like my writing and want to support me buy me a coffee. 

[gardeningintrests]

food 1a)

All around the galactic province on the eastern side of the galaxy, there was a rumour going around

"have you heard? the infamous 'deathworlders' are going to arrive in a few cycles! "

"i heard they dont have any fur! they only have skin warping up their bare muscles!"

"i heard they use high grade weapons for their daily life!"

"the rumour has it that they will eat anything within its sight when hungry"

"i heard they have hair on their heads and no where else!"

of course, some of the rumours were stupid and exagerated. but in face, a crew of humans is indeed coming its way to the galactic eastern province to attend a universal meeting about their diets and if any food from the death world (also known as Terran) can be edible by any other species.

onced the news of the rumans sudden arrival at the international space station, half of the Kaaldan species were gathering outside of the space station to satisfy their curiousity of the looks of the Terrans (humans)

"ugh, what a nuisance" captain jack said while preparing to depart onto a unfailiar land and looking outside with a window thats tainted so that outsiders cant see inside.

"well we just gotta ignore it." "yeah we have no other choice do we?"

a few of the crew said and sighed. They want to qucikly get the goody goody greeting and information insertion and then finalize their existence so that they can go places without getting scorned or gazed at with curiosity and hostility.

but they have a klong way to go, so they need to start step by step.

"welp, lets get going. the longer we stay the more people are coming here"

"can we even call them people?"

"dont be rude, Francis. We are going to be with them for the rest of our lives."

"im so resigning"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The crew of humans finally with the help of their hooded uniforms and masks and sunglasses, non of their face was recorded or taken a picture of. It was tiring to run from bystanders who are trying their horrible best to look at them.

they reached the meeting place.

Upon entering eveyong stood and welcomed them. in the meeting room, there was a huge round table, inside is no other than floating computer windows, statistics, notes and a system checker(like settings but more advanced)

they sat at the north of the round table (that makes them the star of the meeting)

they started as soonn as the humans took off their helmets and masks that hid of their face. and eveyone present were either wowed, shocked, scared or a mix of the said emotions.

Captain Jack Introduced himself, and eveyone is shcoked at his face. There was a huge scar, from his chin up to his forehead. Everyone present knows scars arent a good thing to talk about in any setient species.

they started with food, the basics.

once they all filled the humans screen with information of what is dangerous poison and what is edible foods around the galaxy. they provided them with the chemicals inside of the foods so that they can understand why theyre so dangerous.

afterall, humans are very curious creatures. so providing them with information would be a good idea to satisfy them.

Every species in the current seatings were proud of themsevles because they found humans a bit cute (somewhat like their young)

however.

the humans looked confused.

everyone soon tried to understand why, is it because the information is too complex for them to understand? perhaps a translation error? or perhaps they dont understand as they are not scientist?

then suddenly, one of the humans spoke : "uhmm, pardon my rudeness but is it alright for me to speak my mind?"

"of course human. "

"why is caffine not allowed?"

everyone stood in shock, and the remaining humans immediately pulled their friend down and whispered something to them. and the human seemed to relaized his mistake and apologized frantically.

"IM SO SORRY I WASNT AT MY RIGHT MIND JUST NOW, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE CHEMICAL FORMULAS SO MUCH I FORGOT MY APOLOGIES!!"

the human shouted his apology so loud that some species had a hard time in reciving it.

the aliens were all curious but too scared to ask, until a kaaldan asked the thing everyone is thinking about .

"why do you think caffine is allowed? if im correct, caffine is a high poison. It is usually used for execution and maybe poisoning of the leaders."

eveyone noded or responded in some way that is fit to their way of agreeing.

"im terribly sorry about my comrade has said, and to answer your question just now captain Huieosyen. Because in our planet, humans sometimes need to keep themselves awake for a longer time and in order to do that, we drink a beverag called coffee....

after long hours of explaning cafine and other things that cannot be eaten however edible in some way.

all of them were shocked at the humans discovery of baking and a usage of fire. They wouldve expected them like half of them, using fire to engage in combat and defend or hunt, to find the humans not really fit into their expectations of violence.

'well its better this way, they are adorable beings and i rather them not join battles'

after a while, the humans started to talk about the dinning etiquette, courses, disserts and how they are served or how they are made. They also put up pictures and videos of the crew making the food themselves.

the aliens were... upheaveled. what? humans put bacteria on food to make it more delicious?? is this really a thing? humans like any other sentient species is that outside bacteria is not good for the body and they put it on food. the one thing they eat.

and then because of this the humans stayed another few hours explaning and giving out information for each food that basiclly exist.

"thank you so much for your cooperation, Humans. And we are terribly sorry for taking your time away."

"no no its alright, its for the safety of not only us humans but also the species out there."

and with that, the humans returned to the international space station and by the time they arrive, it was already 2 in the morning. what a long day.

a few months later, the whole article about human food is published onto the galactic net and everyone was caught off guard by the weirdness of the humans.

and soon, cook books and tv shows are suddenly on air, showing diffrent species of aliens what they can and cannot eat.

makes us wonder what would happen if they knew humans used fire for other things as well.

[primofate]

Genshin Modern AU - Stress and Comfort

Summary: Woke up late. Missed a class. Forgot that assignment due. Another one due in two days. People are downplaying the things that you do. It’s raining and you don’t have an umbrella. Sometimes the little things pile up all in one day and it feels like all you want to do is to get it over with... and your boyfriend to make everything better.

Warnings: crying, stress, mood swings, other than that it’s fluff

Characters: Kaeya, Zhongli x gn!reader

Notes: Also a commission <3 Thank you for the love. Once again if you want something written for you I have cheap rates XD and I’ll always accommodate to your wants! Just leave me a message!

Kaeya

“Hey, Y/N, do you know how to write this part of the essay?” It wasn’t as if you were a particularly good student. But somehow, the people in your class liked asking you because you were accommodating. Ready to help with a smile on your face. Always there to turn to and rely on. “Yeah, it’s just like this…” and you spend nearly an hour explaining it.

“Oh gosh, I don’t think I can finish this part of the presentation tonight, something came up at home,” Group projects were sometimes difficult too. You understood. Things happened, but when they happened, you’d be the first one to say, “It’s okay, I’ll take care of it,” Even though the presentation is tomorrow, even though you barely get enough sleep for the next day. A part of you just wants to quickly get it over with.

“You said this would come out on the test… It wasn’t even there…” The worst part of it is not even receiving any thanks. It’s the way that they look at you when you make a mistake, despite all of the good things you’ve done for them, one mistake, and they make you out and guilt you to be a bad person.

“Your analysis is all wrong, Y/N. This part over here…” Sometimes the price of that was paying with your own grade. You try to listen as the lecturer explains a part of your essay. You’re listening, but it just doesn’t register in your mind. Something about misunderstanding the concept. Those concepts that you’ve tried so hard to remember and to understand. In the end they were all mixed up and confused.

Perhaps the lecturer sees the deflated look in your eyes, and ends quite happily. “Just do better in the next one!” pats your back and lets you leave, handing you your essay graded with a C.

Do better in the next one. Easier said than done.

You shove the paper in your bag without giving it a second glance.

The cafeteria. It was slightly late for lunch but you like it that way. There weren’t a lot of people at this time, which meant you didn’t have to fight for seats. Still, as you put in your order and bring your tray of food to the nearest seat that you see, you somehow bump into someone who topples over your chosen lunch, the tray completely doing a flip and landing on your chest, then on the ground with a plop and rattle.

There’s an ugly stain on your shirt. Forget about hiding it, it had to be washed. “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry,” and yet they can only stare at the stain. What else could they do? Dabbing it with wet tissue would just make it worse. “It’s…fine,” you wave them away, but you leave the mess on the floor in a hurry and in an embarrassed state.

You sigh once outside again. Deciding that today was enough, you make your way home.

Even then, as you sit at your study table, all washed up and changed, sketching a little something on your tablet, your mother stands at the door, observing.

“…What does that do for you?”

You jump a little in surprise and turn, looking at her blank expression. “What does what do for me?”

“That, your drawing. You’re always on the computer or tablet Y/N. If not that, then your sketchbook. That’s all you ever do,”

You turn around because you don’t want to argue. You don’t want to hear her complaining about how you do nothing but stay in all day after lessons and play games and draw. It was one of the biggest forms of comfort you had for yourself and yet she--

“Maybe try a part time job or join a club or some—”

“Mom, I’m still trying to adjust to uni,”

Why does no one understand how difficult it is to juggle the classes and do all the readings required? Why do I have to do so many things all at the same time? Can’t I do it when I choose to and when I’m ready? Can’t I do things that I enjoy?

“The degree you chose won’t even pay the bills…” You hear her mutter as she walks away. Footsteps receding into the hallways.

You push your tablet away and lay your head face down on the table. You’re trying not to lose it and finally, whatever higher being up there hears your plea to give you a break.

A phone call from Kaeya comes through.

“…Hey,” you answer.

“Hey, hun. You haven’t been replying to my messages,” there’s a lilt of playfulness in his voice. He just thinks you’ve fallen asleep or taken a nap at home or something.

“…Yeah, I—” You try to explain. You try to say that you weren’t feeling well. That you didn’t feel like talking. But would he understand? Everyone today seemed to be against you. “I just, fell asleep,” You lie and there’s a few seconds of silence on the other side.

“…You sure?” Now there’s a hint of unease in his voice. The playfulness is gone. “You ok? Do you want me to come over?” Somehow he senses that it isn’t just “falling asleep”. His simple worry and caring attitude towards you breaks whatever composure you had left. You accidentally let out a sniffle as tears start to pool in your eyes.

“Hey… You don’t have to talk to me, but I’ll come over right now, okay?” The sniffle was enough to tell him that perhaps something had went wrong. You couldn’t help but let out a few more sniffles as tears slowly trickles down your face.

“O-okay,”

Minutes later your blue-haired boyfriend shows up at your doorstep. Despite your mom being a little hard on you earlier, when she opens the door to see him, she smiles and says. “I think they were having a bad day, I might have been a little harsh on them too,” Kaeya only grins and points a thumb to his chest. “No problem, that’s what I’m here for,” He’s still wearing his volleyball jersey.

He knocks softly on the door, “Y/N?” there’s a plastic bag in his other hand.

When you open the door your eyes were already a little red around the edges, but seeing him made your lips tremble and fresh tears fall out. “Shh… You’re okay.” He wraps you in his arms, plastic bag rustling, his hand smooths your hair down and the other rubs your back as you cry out your frustrations for the day.

The two of you stay there for what seems like a long time. You hiccupping into his chest and trying to calm down. At some point he moves the both of you on the bed and lets you curl up against him. When you finally ease up, he pulls away slightly to look at your face, then brushes away the wetness still lingering on your cheeks. “Feel better?” He whispers, as if being too loud will break you again.

You smile a little and nod at how gentle he was being. He smiles back and leans in to press a kiss on your forehead. “You’re doing great, Y/N. Whatever it is, just talk to me when you’re ready,” and it hits you so hard how much he’s willing to just be there with you, even though he doesn’t know what’s happening. How he wasn’t going to judge you for what you say or what you do and your face crumples and grimaces into a face that tells him you’re trying not to cry. “D-Did I say something wrong?” He’s a little startled, but you laugh a little through small droplets of tears that you wipe away by yourself. “No, you idiot. I’m just happy you’re here,”

He sighs and relaxes, taking his own hand and pinching your cheek, pulling at it a little. “Who’s the idiot? Crying and laughing at the same time?” He was joking, of course. He’d only do so when he knew you could take it. You swat his hand away with a slight glare, and he knows that he’s got a little bit of the normal you back. “Alright, come on, here,” He suddenly sits up and presents the plastic bag that he’s been holding all that time.

“Ice-cream, your favourite flavour,” rummages into it and takes out a tub the size of two fists, a little damp from the melted moisture. He’s got spoons in there too. Slowly, as you eat the tub together, you tell him about what’s been going on in uni. How people just expected you to help when you could. How you got nothing in return. How you try really hard and they somehow still end up piling on negativity into your life.

“…It’s okay to help, Y/N,” he thoughtfully says, mouth muffled cause his spoon was still in his mouth. “But don’t forget to take care of yourself too,” then he scoops another bite. “…But even if you don’t…it’s okay,” he looks up at the ceiling. “If you don’t take care of yourself…Then I’ll do it. That’ll be my job. Forever,”

You lay your head on his shoulder as he says this, still eating from your spoon “I love you,”. He smiles and presses a soft kiss atop your head. “Love you too. I’m always just a phone call away, babe,”

Zhongli

“Is there something on your mind? You’ve been quiet for the past hour,” Nothing slips by Zhongli. He’s observant. He knows you don’t feel like eating by the way you’re picking at your food. Knows that you don’t want to talk because you don’t even meet his eyes.

“…Nothing, really,” You just didn’t have the energy to talk about it.

He feels as if this date has gone awry, and he didn’t even know where he went wrong. Though, if he had to guess, it wasn’t his fault. You were just in a particularly bad mood. Not that the two of you were anywhere fancy, it was just your usual sit-down restaurant at a mall across the university.

To him, the right thing to do was give you the space you needed. So, after walking you to your room that night, he’d wait till the morning to contact you. Imagine his surprise when none of his calls go through. None of his texts were returned. He was beside himself with worry when suddenly, near the afternoon, he finally gets word from you.

“Sorry Li, I feel a little sick today. Don’t worry though, I’ll be fine in no time,”

You’re bad at lying. Or was he just good at reading you? You tend to have the habit of withdrawing when you’re out of energy. To give too much without any regards to your own state, your own feelings. Sometimes you don’t realize that you had to watch over yourself too.

It’s nearly 8 at night when he knocks at your dorm room. Zhongli went through a few steps to make sure your roommate would be out tonight. It was from them that he found out you hadn’t left the room at all today, but that you weren’t sick.

“Oh… Zhongli,” You’re surprised at the amount of things he’s holding. There’s a plastic bag that seems to nearly be popping and in his other hand was a mysterious paper bag. Under his arm he’s tucked his laptop with him. He lived in the dorms too, and if someone saw him now, it would look as if he was moving into your room. “You could’ve just asked me to come over to yours,” his eyes trail away, a certain brown-headed roommate pops up in his mind.

“No, Tartaglia’s in tonight,” You make a sound of understanding. His roommate was rather…special. Too energetic for your tastes, and sometimes nosy. “What do you have there?” You ask and invite him in. He chucks the plastic bag on your bed, lays down the laptop on your table along with the mystery paper bag. He notes that you’re already in your sleepwear, which was perfect. He starts to take out a throw blanket from the plastic bag and a hoodie.

“…This..is?” You’re a little baffled by what he’s trying to convey. “…My throw blanket that you like so much…and you said you like wearing my hoodie,” then he points at the laptop. “Do you want to watch a movie in bed? I have popcorn too,”

Then you realize that he’s trying to make you feel better. He’s figured out that you weren’t really sick, possibly just mentally drained. You smile at him and lean in for a hug, to which he responds to by wrapping his arms around your back and whispering. “…I’m not…really good at these things… Tartaglia said it might make you feel better…” You chuckle in his embrace and could imagine the kind of conversation they had.

“You’re the best Zhongli,” he secretly smiles while rubbing your back up and down. He doesn’t ask questions as to why you’ve been acting the way you do, but you’re the one who offers him the answer. “It’s just school… Too many things have been piling up… My class they… They’re really nice people you know? But just… there are times where I wish they would stop asking me for help, but it feels so selfish of me… I have my own things too, but they never think about that…”

It’s always about them, you want to say, but keep your mouth shut. He runs his hand through your hair gently, internalizing the things that you’ve said. “…I see… Would you like to hear what I think?” He’d ask first, because he knew sometimes that you didn’t really want an answer. You just wanted to be listened to. You nod against his chest, you could feel his heart beating from the closeness. “I think, you’re a very selfless person, Y/N,” he places a kiss on your head. “There’s nothing wrong in wanting to take a break from time to time, you deserve it,” and he guides you over to your bed, wrapping the two of you up in his throw blanket. Laptop on, popcorn in the mystery paper bag as you put his hoodie on. It smells just like him.

His back leans against the wall and you’re in the safety of his arms. You’re practically in his lap, encased in his scent and warmth. He’d managed to prop his laptop up on a pile of books and the two of you watch a random movie on the screen. You were paying attention to it, but you couldn’t help but be more interested in the way his chest rises and falls. You can feel him against you, and the comfort it brings is like no other.

You turn away from the screen and rest your head at the nape of his neck. He looks down, movie still playing and asks “Tired?” You shake your head, eyes closed. “No, I’m just enjoying this…” There’s a small rumble from his chest as he lets out a small “Mm,” his eyes are glued to your face. Movie forgotten.

“…Y/N, I’ll always… be next to you,” Your eyes flutter open a little to look up at him, curious. “…Always?” He nods his head firmly to confirm, and you lean up a little to press a sweet and quick kiss on his lips. “Even when I’m not my best and I’m moody?” He chuckles at that and responds with a remark that might have slightly brought tears to your eyes.

“Especially when you’re not at your best, I’ll be there. Just call,”

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[sj-ficrecs]

fic rec 11!

just a random collection of what I’ve read and enjoyed lately. as usual, no specific order.

This is purely a fic rec blog, always reblogging fics I enjoy. usually Bucky x reader, sometimes Steve x reader, Chris Beck x reader, etc. So check out more I’ve reblogged on this page. :) See my past fic recs below:

PREVIOUS FIC RECS HERE! // Q & A

(divider by @bwbatta)

Bucky x reader:

Flashing Lights by @pellucid-constellations​ Paramedic!Bucky x reader

“Bucky’s worst fears come true when he’s called to a scene. If he’s the one with the dangerous job, then why is it your life that’s hanging in the balance?”

Operation: Freefall by @constantwriter85​ Bucky x reader

“When Bucky fell from the train in 1945, he didn’t just leave behind his family and friends. He left behind the girl he was going to marry, a girl he never stopped loving. Decades later, Bucky continued to search for her, only to find out that she had disappeared without a trace in 1955. But when Steve hands over the shield to Sam Wilson, he also has something for his childhood friend—a redacted S.H.I.E.L.D. file code-named Operation: Freefall, a file with more questions than answers. With Sam’s help and a handful of Pym Particles, the file sends Bucky on a trip to the past, trying to solve the mystery and save the woman he still loves.”

Recovery by @wicked-mind​ Biker!Bucky x reader

“After going through rehab and recovering, you move back to town to live with your mother as you sort out what to do with your life, but your mom has other plans that include hooking you up with a hot biker by the name of James ‘Bucky’ Barnes”

Teacher’s Favorite + Sharing My Sweetheart by @suitk0via​ Single dad!Bucky x teacher!reader

“You are first grade teacher and Bucky is a single dad who wants to be involved with everything his little girl - Elaine - does. He’s the dad all the parent’s and faculty drool over. You quickly become Elaine’s favorite teacher and Bucky’s just gotta meet you.”

Uninvited by @mymoonagedaydream​ modern!Bucky x reader

Reader is a close friend of Sam’s. Sam and Bucky are roommates, so reader spends a lot of time with them. Bucky becomes colder towards reader and they ask Sam about it - finding out Bucky, who is taken, is falling out of love w/ his gf because he has a crush on reader.

You Know Me Too Well by @nexusnyx​ Tattoo Artist!Bucky x reader

“there is a thin line between pain and pleasure. that line is real and palpable, except for the times when you sit in bucky barnes’ table and feel his hands holding your skin. his job demands him to hurt you, but the only problem is that you enjoy it. a lot.”

The Slip Up by @justkending​ dad!Bucky x reader

“After a last hurrah to graduating college with a future to be a family practitioner, a little slip up happens… Seven years down the road, just when things just now seem to be going smoothly, Y/N approaches that slip up from all those years ago. She’s not looking for anything right now. She is just where she wants to be in life. It seems the universe has a different idea though. One called James Barnes.”

Invisible String series by @dirty-holy-things​ Bucky x reader

“You were fairly certain that landing a date through court-ordered therapy was some sort of HIPAA violation, if not just an ethical one, but you couldn’t help but be intrigued by the mysterious storm cloud of a man who you shared the waiting room with every Thursday.”

Sacrifice by @wkemeup​ Bucky x reader

“In the midst of an attack, you’re dosed with an unknown chemical and your healing ability becomes compromised.”

Purgatory by @wkemeup​ Bucky x reader

“While on a mission, Bucky becomes dissociated into the Winter Soldier. But instead of becoming a threat, his instinct is to protect.”

Behind the Storm by @wkemeup​ Bucky x reader

“On a mission, you’re hit with a spell that takes away your ability to see. Bucky does what he can to make you feel safe.”

We Were Screaming in Color by @samwlscns​ Bucky x reader, soulmate au

“james buchanan barnes was your soulmate and you were his. despite everything the world threw your way, bucky always kept his promise to make his way back home to you. even if that meant having to lose him more than once.”

Bulova by @babycap​ Bucky x reader

“In the five years between the two snaps that changed it all, life had moved on, as life is want to do. In the aftermath of that final battle, you discover that time waited for no one (least of all you), and those you loved marched forward into it without you. Sam suggests you volunteer at the local retirement community to keep you busy, keep your mind from lingering on what—and who—you lost. In giving back, you find that time can be just as generous as it is cruel. A non-canon compliant, friends-to-lovers fic.”

And They’re Roommates by @golden-barnes​ Modern bartender/roommate!Bucky x reader, New Girl au

“Your boyfriend cheats on you, and now you have nowhere to go. So when you found an ad for a shared loft, you didn’t hesitate to say yes. Come to the realization that you will be sharing it with four guys. Four guys, one of them who is extremely hot and zero brain cells between any of them. What else could you ask for?”

Keep Me Cool by @chouettedubois​ Bucky x reader

“You and Bucky are on your third undercover mission acting as a couple. Things go awry when you fall ill. Cue caretaker!Bucky to the rescue.”

Love in the Workplace by @cxddlyash​ Gardener!Bucky x Receptionist!reader

Working at the same hotel, a new gardener is recently hired.

“Your breath hitches in your throat at the sight of the new gardener. 

“What is it?” Sarah asks you and you clear your throat before tearing your gaze from the man.

“Uh, nothing. I finally see the gardener that the hotel hired,” you mention while walking closer to the place.”

Dad Biker!Bucky being adorable with his kids blurb by @angrythingstarlight​ dad biker!Bucky x reader

dad biker Bucky and his kids making pancakes and breakfast for mom :)

Tap by @houseravenclaws​ Bucky x reader

“bucky never talked much. he fell in love anyway.”

Teach Me How to Love by @thefalconthatcriedwolf​ Godfather/single dad!Bucky x teacher!reader

“Natasha leaves behind her precious daughter, Yelena, and with her dying breath asks Bucky to look after her. You happen to have Yelena in your class this school year.”

To Build a Home by @buckyjamess-archive​ @buckyjamess​​ Mechanic/single dad!Bucky x single mom!reader

“a mechanic and a nurse walk into a schoolyard..both new in the single parent life, chaos arises when the two come together but they wouldn’t have it any other way.”

A Good Kind of Fire by @dolcezzasfantasy​ Modern!Bucky x reader

“Character A runs a flower shop downtown. Character B is terribly allergic to flowers.”

If I Could Fly by @ceeellewrites​ actor!Bucky x actress!reader, social media au

“Bucky Barnes is an actor with a small (just a tiny) celebrity crush on Y/N L/N, one of the industry’s well-known actress. Well, it’s just a celebrity crush, what could go wrong?”

The Rumour by @sidepartskinnyjeans​ Bucky x reader

“after a, mostly, chance meeting with Sergeant Barnes starts a rumour around the compound that soon gets out of hand.”

See the World the Way You Do by @vanderlustwords​ Bucky x reader, soulmate au

“You start to see colour when you meet your soulmate. Bucky thinks that soulmates are a one of a kind thing—you get one and that’s it. His world used to be colourful once and then he lost that. He’s resigned to see black and white for the rest of his life…until flashes of colours would appear from the corner of his eye. And it seemed to happen more and more as Bucky spends time with you.”

Crawl Home to Her by @nexusnyx​ Bucky x reader

“when bucky finaly returns from his mission, he finds you sleeping in his sofa and the apartment much different than when he left. much prettier, with a touch of home. apparently, while he was away you took his advice to “do what you want with the place, doll” seriously - or as a distraction - and now he got to come home to this.bucky’s heart takes a leap and he stands there for a second, frozen in his spot.”

Signed by the Author by @wintersfilm​ Bucky x reader

“on a mission to improve his conversations with sam, bucky wanders brooklyn and into a bookstore where he finds his new favourite book and the most adorable bookseller he has ever laid eyes on.”

Seasons of Love by @constantwriter85​ Army vet!Bucky x reader, modern au

“Bucky gets a service dog, but Winter’s only got eyes for the dog across the park…and her owner.”

One Single Thread of Gold (Tied Me to You) by @pietrotica​ Bucky x reader, soulmate au

“on your sixteenth birthday, the first words your soulmate will speak to you appear on your wrist. in a world where it’s quite common to get a simple ’hi what can i get you’ or common phrases, you’ve managed to get their name. that doesn’t make it easier to find him.”

Sunday is a Family Day by @lazyangeltreemoney​ Bodyguard!Bucky x rockstar!reader

“You’re stubborn, annoying and hot as hell which seems to be an awful combo to mix with Bucky Barnes. However one day he realises he got you all wrong and now there’s a little kid in the mix that needs both of your help.”

[rupertgrintdailysblog]

Think Of Me When You See The Fireworks - Fred Weasley x Reader

Summary: You’ve been with Fred since third year. Kind of like Ron and Hermione, you were best friends since first year and didn’t tell each other how you felt. You kept it to yourself and it caused so many rows and fights with each other. You just wanted each other so much, but were worried you’d ruin a friendship if the other didn’t love you in return.

**Flash forward to the Battle of Hogwarts, end of seventh year for you & the twins, Ron, Harry & Hermione end of their sixth**

The war had taken so much from you… you just want it to end. Before it takes more. You wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

Warnings: death, talk of suicide, talk of sex

[[I will update this with a part 2 when I can! The part 2 being Fred’s pov]]

•

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•

So many people have died. So many that the war took from you. The war did not discriminate between those that deserved it and they those who truly were in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

You, your entire school and family (the Weasley’s, Harry, and Hermione) have been fighting this war for hours, almost days. You were so ready for it to be over, but it didn’t seem that that was going to happen anytime soon. You were walking around on egg shells hoping not to come up on anyone else dead. You don’t think you could handle it anymore. 

You were with Luna, running around stupefying death eaters and honestly, killing anyone that got in your way. You were once such a quiet soul who could never imagine speaking unforgivable curses and actually seeking to kill, but this was war. You just walked upon Greyback doing unimaginable things to Lavender and you just shouted the first thing that came to mind. 

“Avada Kedavra!!!” 

Greyback looked at you in shock for a spilt second before he was blasted out of a window and landed on the grounds outside. You walked over to the window and looked down and took a deep breathe in…

“I… I killed him” 

Your heart was pounding. You could not believe how far everything had come since that first day first year. 

You’d never hurt a fly and now you just shouted an unforgivable curse without thinking. You were a lot like Hermione… good girl, good grades, stayed out of trouble and lived in the library. You couldn’t believe what you just did. 

You were someone who struggled so much with anxiety and depression. You come from a muggle born family, who did not enjoy having a freak for a daughter and you had it hard at school. Hogwarts was your safe place, but it was still ridden with those who did not believe you to be worthy of magic. You were told everyday that you deserved death. You even tried to end your life one night… Nobody knew how badly you struggled with your mental health. You had no one to talk to. Hermione knew the struggles along with you of being muggle born, but you were scared to talk to anyone. You didn’t want anyone to try and stop when you decided you had enough and just wanted to leave this earth. It was when Fred walked up to you at the astronomy tower that night at the end of fourth year that he realized how bad it was. 

•

•

•

“Y/N… what are you doing?” Fred slowly walked up to you, you standing near the railing. “Ron & Ginny told me you stormed out of the Great Hall saying you couldn’t handle it anymore… Draco said something to you and you looked really sad and ran off… what’s going on? What did he say?” 

You couldn’t look at him. You knew you would lose it and fall into his arms. You couldn’t do that. You needed to go right now.. you just needed to end it all. You couldn’t handle the voices in your head telling you that you were not worthy. Telling you that you were not as gorgeous as all the other girls. Telling you that you were a filthy little mudblood. Uh.. Draco Malfoy. He took every chance he had to remind you how you’re dirty blood and weren’t worthy of life. Before running off to the astronomy tower, Draco had brought the Weasley’s into it, talking about how they were traitor blood and deserved the same fate as you. You just couldn’t put them through this anymore. You just needed to leave and they wouldn’t be surrounded by you anymore. They wouldn’t be on the receiving end of Draco’s fury. Fred walked right up beside you. You hadn’t even realized he had gotten so close it scared you and almost made you fall. 

“Y/N! No!!” Fred grabbed your arm and yanked you down into his arms, both of you falling onto the ground, the sobs just coming so roughly out your fragile body. 

“Let me go, Fred!!! I don’t want to be here anymore. Okay?! I’m just a filthy disgusting mudblood who is undeserving of anything good. Your family does not deserve someone like me filthying up their life. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong with you. You deserve someone who can be better for you. A pure blood who is seen as everything worthy and can give you a pure blood family. I am not good enough or pretty enough for you. Okay? Just go away. Please. I can’t do this with you standing here” You broke out of his arms and ran back to the railing. Just jump. You told yourself. Why couldn’t you do it? You felt like you were being pulled the other direction. You didn’t understand why this was so hard. 

You heard Fred take a deep breathe in. 

“Y/N… you… you are my family... our family. You are everything I could ever imagine. You are so beautiful and so smart… yeah, you are a muggle born and you want to know why people hate that? Because you might be the smartest witch ever.. even before Hermione ;) and nobody wants to give that placement to a muggle born. They want their pure blood status to be what makes them great, but baby, that’s not what makes you great. Your family and blood… what makes you great is you… how you care for others and how amazing you are. You joined into a world that refuses to accept how great you are and you just continued to show the world that nothing can break you. Okay? Don’t let this break you. Don’t let a git like Malfoy bring you down because I know you are going to shine so bright one day and be the greatest witch of our generation. Let’s show them, okay?” 

You felt yourself relax and felt Fred pull you down off the railing. You still didn’t believe what he said, but you believe he meant it. You believe he truly saw you that way. You finally looked at him and could see tears falling from his blood shot eyes and your heart shattered. You hadn’t even realized when he was talking how scared and devastated he was. You did this to him.. You hated yourself for how much pain you brought upon him. As long as he lives, I will breathe for him. I will spend my days loving him. That’s what I’m made for. You thought. You took his hands and rested your head on his chest as the sobs ran its course through your weak and tired body. 

“Let’s go lay down for a bit, okay?” He took you to Madam Pomfrey who gave you a sleeping potion for a good nights rest. You slept for 12 hours and Fred stayed with you the whole time. 

•

•

•

You felt Luna’s hand embrace upon your shoulder and give it a squeeze. 

“Y/N, you saved Lavender’s life. It’s okay… He deserved it. Even Azkaban would have been too kind for him” 

You look down and Lavender is barely breathing. She was screaming for help for who knows how long. She was about to pass out. You quickly shook your head of all thoughts, grabbed Lavender with Luna and ran down to the Great Hall to find her some help. 

You burst through the door, find Madam Pomfrey and gently lay Lavender down on the nearest cot. “Greyback… He… he was torturing her and…” you shook your head from the dark moment before you blasted him off and what he was doing. “Please help her… save her” Madam Pomfrey attended to Lavender immediately. 

You take a look around at all the bodies and people fighting for life. You’re scanning the room to find a tall red head and your eyes finally land upon him. For the first time all night you see him. Breathing. 

Fred… He’s okay… 

For the first time all night you smile. He sees you, too and you both smile from across the hall at each other.

You were about to take a breathe and run to him when you see the wall blast from beside him. Your heart drops when Fred gets knocked down and crushed by the wall. 

“Fred!!!!!”

The Weasley’s and you go running towards the blast. You felt like everything was moving in slow motion. You were pushing running people out of the way, you could see shoots of light from death eaters wands come out of the blasted hole, you were ducking left and right. You were just trying so hard to get to Fred. Before it was too late. You shot your wand at the wall debris and lifted it off of Fred and dropped down to him. 

“Fred!! I’m here… please be alive… Fred!!”

You could see he was breathing, but it was very shallow. You just wanted to hold him. You wanted to take him and disapparate somewhere else. Somewhere far away, where there was no one else there, just you and him. You just wanted him for the rest of your life. You run your fingers across his face and feel him twitch under your touch. He hasn’t even looked at you yet you can tell he knows it’s you. 

“Y/N? Love…”

His breathing could not be any worse. He was likely going to pass out soon. You didn’t think. You just did. You bent down, grabbed his face between your hands and kissed him. You kissed him like your life depended on it. His life depended on it. You were breathing life into him, hoping it would simply be enough to help. That you would be able to save him. 

His stomach was severely bruised. He had a huge lac on his head. He had deep cuts all throughout his body. Blood was everywhere. You couldn’t tell exactly where it started and ended. 

“Fred… I love you… please be okay…”

You were trying to find a spot to touch him that wasn’t covered in blood, debris, or wand marks. You were scared to touch him or he’d break.

He placed his weak, bloody hand on your face and you felt yourself relax into his touch.

“Y/N, I-I was gonna ask you to marry me…” Your heart skipped a bit and your breathing skipped. He’s stumbling on words, breathing shallow and barely at a whisper, but everyone and thing was so quiet you could hear him clear as day. All you could hear were the sniffles of those around you. ���I just blasted this dude into oblivion and immediately thought of running to you. I was on such a high. I knew at that moment that when we got out of here, I was gonna get down on one knee, right in the middle of all this chaos and propose to you… I wasn’t going to waste another minute because watching you walk down the aisle in the arms of my father in what I can imagine is the world’s most beautiful dress with an even more beautiful bride was my dream.”

“Is your dream, Fred” You said with tears and a loud sob. “Is. You’re still here. You’re not going anywhere. Alright? Madam Pomfrey will be right over as soon as she’s done with Lavender.. I can probably do some mag-“ 

Fred cut you off, held your face in one hand and used the other to hold your hands, making you drop the bag you were trying to recover your wand from.

“Sweetheart, I love you. So much. You… you were the perfect edition to my life. You brought me out of so much and made me feel like I had a reason to be alive. Love, I don’t want you to be sad. Okay? I know you’re going to be, but don’t let it consume you. Take care of yourself, okay. You have to promise me. You’re not gonna deny a dying man his wish are you?” He starts laughing and immediately coughing up blood. Your heart drops and you can feel everyone drop down with you, helping Fred sit up.

“Madam Pomfrey!! PLEASE HELP!! Molly! Arthur! George!!!!! ANYONE! Do something! Please go grab Madam Pomfrey! I can not lose him! I won’t!” Everyone just stared, wide eyed and tear stained. You were shaking uncontrollably. 

The sweet momma Weasley, with tears pouring out of her eyes due to the sight of her near dead son and what she considered to be her daughter with so much fear in her eyes, took your face into her hands and gave you a kiss on the forehead. “Y/N, sweetie… focus on him… I don’t think he has much time. There’s only so much magic that can reverse this kind of damage.” Molly takes a huge breathe in and wipes her tears away. She had witnessed first hand the spells thrown at her son, the deep wounds and knew there was only so much he could endure before it became permanent and out of her hands. She nearly was going to pass out from her words. You could see the other Weasley boys run to her aid when she fell into Arthur. 

You just stared at her in disbelief, trying so hard to breathe. You slowly turned to Fred and it hit you… You were losing him. It was like all of your memories came flooding in at once. Seeing Fred for the first time first year, “hi… I’m Fred Weasley… Hi… I’m Y/N L/N”, Summers at the Burrow and sneaking off to snog, that one Christmas holiday you spent with the Weasley siblings at Hogwarts so you could stay with Hermione who didn’t wanna leave, the snowball fight George started in the hall that led to your first kiss with Fred which resulted in everyone cheering and throwing snowballs at you out of excitement “Bloody hell!! Took ya long enough!!” They all shouted and your favorite memory of all… the first time you made love. It was at the flat George and Fred bought at the end of sixth year. 

You were both so nervous… you had talked about coming together as one, but having it be your first time for anything other than hand stuff and kissing, you were scared. You didn’t know what it would be like. Suffice to say, it was bloody amazing. You closed your eyes and held his almost lifeless hands as you replayed that moment from beginning to end over and over. You felt Fred breathe ever so lightly, bringing you out of your thoughts and into present time. 

“What’re you thinking about, Y?N? What’s got you smiling, love?” 

“You.. ou… our first time together” 

Fred let’s out a huge sigh, closes his eyes and smiles. 

“That was bloody brilliant, wasn’t it?” 

Your face turned red and looked around. Everyone kind of dispersed so you could have some privacy. You looked back at Fred and bent down so you were now laying down beside him, your head laying on his bleeding shoulder. He winced a little at contact, but he didn’t care. He knew this was the last time he would be holding you. 

“Fred, please don’t go.. Let me perform some magic on you.. it might help. I might could get the blood to stop long enough to wait for Madam Pom-“ Fred places a finger on your mouth and quietly shushes you. 

“Baby… there are so many people here who need help. I want her to help them first and if she gets to me in time and there is something she can do, okay.. but look at me and promise me something… promise me this won’t break you. Promise me you won’t do anything crazy… promise me…. You’ll live. My mom and dad are your mom and dad… you are their child. They can not lose you, too…” Your chest stiffened and knew that Fred was scared your mental health would cause you to go into a psychotic break. You saw the fear in his eyes and immediately were brought back to the astronomy tower. 

“I can not promise that.. I-I’m sorry. I just… a life without you? It makes no sense. A life without your jokes, laughs and love? I don’t want it. Absolutely not. I… I wanna go with you… I can just lay here with you and go with you because I promise you as soon as your heart stops, so does mine” 

“Y/N… please…” He now had a serious, worrisome look, tears falling down fast. There goes that pain you’re causing him again. He didn’t have much more time. “Please… live for me. I might not be here physically anymore, but you will see me everyday. All around you, you will see me, you will hear me, you will always have me.. I will send you a reminder everyday of how much I love you… I promise” He stiffened up and you shot him a worried look. “Molly!! Arthur!!” Everyone came running over and gathered around Fred.

“I love you, Y/N….” He looked around his family and everyone around him. “I love you all… so much.. I… I-I… want you all to think of me when you see the fireworks, okay?” Everyone was a bit confused, but just shook their heads. You noticed George nodding at him and Fred winking. You had no idea what they were silently speaking about, but just like George and Fred… to have a grand plan for how this was going to go down. You couldn’t think about happy thoughts right now… you just ran your hand through his hair, kissing his forehead. 

“I love you, Fred… so much… I promise… I promise that I’ll try… I can’t promise I’ll succeed, but I’ll try.”

“You’ll succeed... I know you can do it… you’ll see… you’ll… you’ll be okay…” He coughed up more blood and laid back down. “I love you… my… little muggle” His eyes immediately glossed over and you threw yourself onto his lifeless body. 

“No!!! Fred!!! I wasn’t ready yet! Please!!!! Come back!!!! Wake him up please… this is just a joke, right? You and George are planning all this. I won’t be mad… just wake up… I can’t…” You looked down at him and he wasn’t breathing. His chest stopped rising with his heart… and you felt yourself fall over onto him and everything went dark. Your heart stopped the second his did. 

•

•

•

You woke up in the hospital bed of Hogwarts. You felt so much dryness on your throat and tried to cough when you immediately felt a hand come up to face, bringing some water to your lips. Fred… it was just a dream… but it was actually George. He could tell what your thoughts were and immediately felt pain for you. He looks just like him you thought. 

You used to think there was so many differences between the two, but it’s like he got all of Fred’s looks now that he was gone. 

“Y/N... I’m so sorry… I… I hate being this reminder to you… reminder of the greatest love of your life who’s gone. I understand if… if you want me to leave and distance myself… I just… you’re still my best friend, okay? I’ll respect whatever you decide, but I love you.. okay?”

You felt yourself sob uncontrollably as you took George’s hand. “It’s okay… I love you, too… yes, you remind me of him, but it’s good, okay? You will carry him on for the rest of us. Let’s promise each other not to let this break us okay… Fred may be gone, but… I can still feel him, y’know? I somehow still feel him all around, in me, in my heart, my mind…” You noticed George sobbing and smiling. You sit up and bring your hand to his face. “I know, George… you’ve lost your best friend, too…” you notice the way he looks at you. Confusion stretched across your face. “What’s going on, George? What’s on your mind?” 

“You’re right Y/N… You can feel him and he is still here… and this is why” George was taking out a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to you. You didn’t know what it was at first, until you did. Your heart stopped and you felt yourself being pulled back down. You felt yourself immediately get grounded. An ultrasound… I… I’m… “Pregnant?” George sobbed through a chuckle and you could hear more sobs coming from behind the curtain. Molly, Arthur, the rest of the Weasley kids including Percy, Harry and Hermione were coming to stand beside you. Hermione took your hand into hers “Yes.. You are” she smiled so big “When you passed out, we brought you up here and Madam Pomfrey had one of the health doctors come into just to give you an exam before trying to wake you and they did an ultrasound to check for bleeding and well… they heard a heartbeat. Two actually.” Your heart stopped. “Two?!!” “You’re having twins, Y/N” George said with the biggest smile on his face. 

You felt yourself slowly lay back down on the hospital bed. You felt yourself smiling and feeling so full of life… until you realized Fred wasn’t here to celebrate with you. Your mind immediately went back to the night that just had to be the moment you got pregnant. 

•

•

•

“Bloody hell… Y/N… that was amazing” 

Fred rolled off the top of you and pulled you close into his arms, cuddling with you after having his mind blown. You felt a shift and looked up at him.

“We didn’t do a contraceptive spell, did we?” “No… and you know what? That’s okay.. I mean… if I get pregnant, that wouldn’t be so bad, right? I mean I know we’re young, going into our 7th year.. but…” Fred stopped you with a kiss. “I would honestly love that, Y/N… let’s just… be together… not worry about it and just be happy no matter what, okay? Sound good?” “Sounds perfect” 

•

•

•

You broke into a sob which resulted in everyone leaning into you, all hugging. Molly broke the silence a few moments later. 

“Y/n… dear… you are going to stay with us, okay? Since you’re of age, Madam Pomfrey has not contacted your parents and I told her you might not want her to… since…” You both had a silent talk with a nod of agreement. Your parents disowned you when you started displaying signs of freaky magic. It was when Hagrid came to pick you up to go to Hogwarts express that you met Molly who immediately brought you into her family. You’ve basically lived their every summer for a few weeks, but also ended up going back to your parents because you weren’t of age. You had to. “Thank you… Molly… Arthur… I honestly don’t think I’d get through any of this without a family…” Fred’s family… It was so bittersweet. You missed Fred terribly and you always will, but your heart soured with the sight of this amazing family who already seen you as a Weasley. 

“Please… call us mom and dad, okay? You are our child. You and Fred were good as married from the moment you became one.” Molly gave a big smile and your face became red with a chuckle. George, Ron, Harry and Hermione all laughed. “I can’t believe you’re carrying my first grandchildren” She gave a huge grin and kissed your forehead. “Alright alright let’s give her some space and rest, okay?” Madam Pomfrey came barging in with some sleeping potion and tea. “Carrying a baby is hard work… carrying twins? On top of your exhaustion from the war? You need your rest!! Let’s go. All of you” Everyone started walking out, but you grabbed George’s hand and he shot his eyes back to yours. “I want you to stay… please” 

George gave a small smile and sat back down. You drank the potion and tea slowly drifting off to sleep as George held your hand and looked up to the sky, “I’ll take care of our girl, Fred.. you can guarantee it” You let out a small chuckle and smile as you drifted off to sleep 

•

•

•

**4 months later**

You went home to the burrow a few days after the war happened and you found out you were pregnant with not just one, but two babies. Your heart was still souring. Molly had let you stay in Fred’s room, George back at the flat and everyone else in their respective rooms. Ron and Hermione had gotten engaged and were making their wedding and moving out plans. Harry and Ginny started dating and Harry had mentioned to Arthur about proposing one day soon. Bill & Fleur just got back from a honeymoon trip they never got to take due to the war. 

Everything seemed to be going so great. It was moments of greatness though that darkness peeked over you. Fred wasn’t here. He didn’t get to celebrate and enjoy all of the life happening right now. You felt guilty smiling and laughing when Fred didn’t get to. It was almost like Hermione could read your thoughts as you sat at the kitchen table, drinking some tea. 

“He’s so proud of you, y’know? Wherever he is.. he sees you and he’s proud of you. He’s proud of you for being here and growing his babies.” She gave you a warm smile and continued talking, “Are you excited about finding out the genders today?! Molly is running around like crazy getting everything prepared and George is, too” She gave you a puzzled look. “I have no idea what he’s planning, but he’s so excited.” You gave her a chuckle and a smile, “who knows… but yes I am very excited. I just wish he could be here… but I keep reminding myself that he is. He’s in the air, he’s in George, he’s in mom and dad, he’s in this house. I still hear his laugh every night when I am going to sleep. I still feel his hands tickling me as he’s trying to make me laugh. He’s here. Not in the way I would have dreamed of, but it’s still so perfect.” You look down at your tiny growing bump and run a hand across it smiling, “and he’s here” Hermione chuckled and sob, “okay!! Enough emotions. Let’s get outside. They are about to start! We’re just waiting on you, love” 

As you step outside in the yard in front of the burrow you can’t help, but smile. Everyone has put so much work into making this so special. Molly is waiting across the lawn for you to come and get ready for the reveal. George is literally bouncing up and down ready to start and everyone is gathering together behind you. 

“Are you ready, Y/N?!” George shouts from the other side of the lawn staring at you and the group of people around you. Molly, Ginny, Hermione and Fleur all had a hand on your stomach, smiling and giggling as the babies wiggled around ever so lightly. Ron and Harry had a hand on your shoulder. Arthur and Molly holding each other right beside you. George puts on a huge smile and begins counting down… “alright, Y/N and Fred…” you begin sobbing at the mention of your missing tall red head lover. “3… 2… 1…” and just like magic, blue and pink fireworks go shooting into the sky and the words “boy and girl” in their respective colors are magnified right in front of you. You feel all the hands previously on you release and begin clapping, screaming, and hugging you. 

“A boy AND a girl?!” Tears go falling down your face as you hear a voice of someone you haven’t heard in a very long time. “Think of me when you see the fireworks” you looked around and realized that George had played a memory back of Fred’s voice the day he died. ”I… want you all to think of me when you see the fireworks, okay?”

Your sobs became uncontrollable and Ron had to grab onto you as you fell to the ground. You were filled with so much joy and grief. Fred should be here. He should know. George ran up to you and got down on your level and pulled your face up to make eye contact with him. 

“Y/N… Fred knew. I mean, he didn’t know for sure, but a part of him, when he looked at you knew. The night you two… y’know…” George winked and made a clicking noise indicating sex and everyone laughed and Molly winced, “okay!!” 

George just laughed and continued. “He could just feel that you were and he didn’t wanna say anything until it was something you figured out and could tell him yourself. He didn’t want to ruin the surprise you would have had for him, but he told me. He was so excited and just knew that you were. Our twin powers, y’know, but the day he… died, we had a mental conversation that he wanted me to do fireworks so that you will be reminded of him and to tell you how proud of you he is and how happy he is that you are bringing forth some amazing kids into this world. You’re going to do great… you have all of us.” 

Everyone around, sobbing and laughing, huddled together on the ground, hugging you. You could breathe again. For the first time in 4 1/2 months, you could breathe again. 

**2 years later**

Fred was right….

“I might not be here physically anymore, but you will see me everyday. All around you, you will see me, you will hear me, you will always have me.. I will send you a reminder everyday of how much I love you… I promise”

He is here. He is laughing through our children. He is crying through our hard times. He is nurturing us through our heartbreak. He is helping you raise your kids. Your family truly stepped up and provided you with so much love and support, but you know Fred was right here with you as well. He’s among all of you… Every night since the gender reveal, George lights up fireworks for everyone and you know he’s there, too… lighting up the entire world. Reminding us of him through the fireworks.

** I truly hope you loved this!!! It’s my first fic and I have had this idea after reading so many other fics and then making an edit that I did for TikTok and it just came to me!! I’d love any feedback ♥️** 

[aio-rya]

Summary — Chapter 6 Part 1

The kidnapping of the Dorm Leaders

Vil: 「Certified as an emergency situation, I response! Under my authority as Pomfiore Dorm Leader, I allow the use of attack magic against intruders!」

Kalim: 「Scarabia takes the same position as Pomefiore, get ready!」

Jamil: 「Hah!」

Kalim: 「First graders, stay backwards. Heartslabyul, contact the Dorm Leader!」

In this first stage, we can appreciate the sudden change in the atmosphere at Ramshackle Dorm; just a few seconds before, we were discussing with Vil how he planned to make it up for the VDC incident in this, the last meeting of the NRC Tribe. Next moment we were all startled by the sudden clatters outside the building before STYX dammed androids destroyed the magic barrier and broke inside, destroying the effort of our little lounge; with a smoke bomb and electric shock waves, they took an unconscious Vil and Jamil —or as they called them, Subject E & D...

Ace: 「..... Couldn't...」

Rook & Kalim: 「Eh ?」

Ace: 「Dorm Leader Ri...ddle... I tried to contact him but I couldn't, he never answered.」

Kalim: 「..... Impossible !」

Riddle: 「Under my authority as Pomfiore Dorm Leader, I allow the use of attack magic against intruders. Everybody, get ready.」

Silver & Sebek: 「Understood!」

『・・・』

Riddle: 「Gaaghh—ah... My body feels... Lighter...」

？？？: 「Visual confirmation. Subject A was inmobilized, proceed to capture.」

？？？: 「The subject is moving again! Opposing violent resistance! All unites retreat!」

Riddle: 「To leap on me like that... You have guts. I'm going to slit all of your heads together!」

？？？: 「Subject completely silent. Collecting Subject A. Return to headquarters.」

In this second stage, they get to the Horseback Riding Club in the middle of their preparations, almost midday and there are many students gathered there when the sudden noise alerts Riddle as he recalls the barrier has been broken. He asks who the unexpected visitors are and if they are there for a visit under the rules of NRC. By not receiving an answer, he allows the use of magic in defense of the students but they're soon overcome by the armor, which Sebek realises is magic-repellent. Riddle struggles to their first attempt of putting him unconscious and ignites a fire surrounding him just to be beaten by a shock wave similar to the one that took down Vil and Jamil.

Sebek: 「What do you think you're doing!? Where are you taking Riddle-senpai!? WAIT! ..... Ah!」

Silver: 「Sebek, look at the sky. Those look exactly like the ones who took Riddle away, they seem to be flying around the school in squads. Their target seemed to be Riddle since the beginning.」

Sebek: 「..... True. Since they looked at him, they called senpai as "subject". From that point on, they didn't even seemed to notice our existence...」

Leona: 「Those marks on their suits are... No. I surrender. Here's my Magic Pen. Take it.」

Ruggie: 「What!? But there are only 3 opponents, you could defeat them easily!」

Leona: 「The armor they're hiding behind of is not a mere thick layer. It is a Magical-Defense Plate.」

Ruggie: 「Magical-Defense Plate... It's a sort of material that repels magic, isn't it the one that magical police uniforms are made of!?」

Leona: 「Don't you think is weird either?」

Ruggie: 「I get it. So you find useless using magic with a local restraint.」

Leona: 「I've seen the marks on their suits several times back at the Royal Palace. They must be "ferryman".」

Ruggie: 「Ferryman...?」

For the third stage, they break into the Greenhouse just when Ruggie was looking for Leona by orders of professor Trein. They wake up the young Prince and he immediately surrenders without putting a fight, for amazement of Ruggie and every player; he recognises the Kharon symbol on the armors and whispers to Ruggie why he did it. Then, Subject B aka Leona Kingscholar opposes no resistance as they take him away, leaving Ruggie as the one in charge with the concern of not being able to come back now that he has been taken by the hands of the Ferryman squad.

Leona: 「..... It's fine. Just put your tail between your legs and be quiet.」

？？？: 「...... Confirmed as a magic tool certified by Night Raven College. Confirmation, Subject B non-resistive detention. Please, come with us.」

Leona: 「Fine. May I ask for a polite way of escort? You see, I'm actually a delicate Prince. I don't get well along rough treatment.

Ruggie, I leave Savanaclaw to you until I come back. ...... If I can come back.」

Ruggie: Wha... Ah ? Leona-saaaan!

？？？: 「Subject C has been visually identified.」

？？？: 「Idia Shroud. Magical Humanoid ORTHO. Identified at the same point.」

Azul: 「I think it's too late. First grades, evacuate the building now! Under my authority as Octavinelle Dorm Leader, I allow...」

Idia: 「Stop, Azul-san. Please, do not resist. Be quiet. This is the special security team, "Kharon".」

For our last stage, Ortho calculates the landing of three unidentified objects in the classroom where the Boardgames Club was having their activities, he gives the order to evacuate and is about to give the order of attack, in his very own words as the Dorm Leaders must join forces to defend the College during an outside attack but Idia stops him and helps the Kharon Corps take over Azul, who is horrified by finding out Idia may be involved on whatever was happening. Then, they inform Idia he must be going with them.

Idia: 「A special magic guard team owned by S.T.Y.X, Kharon. Let go of the Magic Pen by the time being, hands behind your head.」

Ortho: 「I recommend to follow my brother's behaviour recommendations. Azul Ashengrotto chances of getting injured are reduced about 87%.」

Go visit the original artist on twitter!

And I'm still crying, I mean, I'm just incredibly excited. I have mixed feelings about this.

[storiesforallfandoms]

a book by her cover ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1491

request?: yes!

“hi, can I request a Colson x bimbo!reader? but reader is smart academically. thank you.”

description: in which his girlfriend seems to be a stereotypical “bimbo”, but surprises everyone with her academic knowledge

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist (one, two)

“Bimbo” is usually used as a derogatory term about a beautiful yet stupid woman. It’s been around for years and has been used as an insult for all that time. But now, it’s being taken back. Being a “bimbo” has become a term of endearment, especially on the internet.

And that’s how I accidentally became one of the most beloved bimbos online.

I was a bit of an airhead, I’ll be the first to admit that. Not necessarily stupid, but I had my moments. And I was told I was pretty good looking, mainly by my boyfriend, Colson. I tried not to let it go to my head, but I did like to hear it whenever I got the compliments. So, both of those things together, plus a few live streams that showed me saying a few dumb things, and suddenly I had made being a bimbo my online persona.

“Isn’t that a bad thing?” Colson had asked when I told him about it.

“That’s the thing, women are making it something empowering,” I explained. “Like, we may act ditsy, but we also use our platforms to lift each other up and we support one another. It’s really a good thing now, I promise.”

Colson pulled me into his arms and kissed my cheek. “As long as you’re happy and no one is harassing you. If the latter happens, though, let me know.”

“Oh, I will. And I’m sure you’ll scare them away, you scary toothpick.”

I was glad to have Colson supporting my decision. It’s not like I was doing anything bad, but I’m sure most guys wouldn’t want their girlfriends acting like sexy idiots on the internet, even if it was meant to be an empowerment thing. But Colson was so supportive of everything. He’d always like my pictures and videos, he watched almost every live stream, and he would constantly gush about me on his own social media pages. In all aspects of the word, he was my number one fan.

He was sat on the couch one day when I returned home, his phone propped up in front of him and a joint in his hand. He turned to look at me as I walked into the living room, a bright smile coming across his face.

“Hey, there’s my girl!” he said. “Come, join me. I’m just doing an Instagram live.”

I put my things down and nearly ran over to the couch. Colson laughed as I jumped over the arm rest and landed directly onto his lap.

“Hello lovely people!” I said to the stream as I properly sat up. “What’s up? What are we talking about today?”

“Well, I was giving them a sneak peak of the new album before you came,” Colson explained. “And now I’m just talking shit with everyone while I smoke a little. Want a hit?”

I shook my head and waved my hand. “No thanks, I don’t smoke as much anymore. I have a weed vape for that. It’s supposed to be less harsh on your lungs and throat.”

“Okay, Miss. Health Nut,” Colson teased. I stuck my tongue out at him playfully.

I settled next to him as he took a puff from his joint and read the messages coming in from his chat. I took my phone out to play a couple games while he was talking as not much was being directed towards me at the time. I was so distracted that I barely heard anything that was happening until I heard one particular comment made by Colson.

“Nah man, I didn’t drop out of school, but I didn’t exactly excel at it either.”

Without thinking, I said, “I graduated school with honors.”

Silence filled the room. It took me a minute to register that it was actually silent, and not just I was in my own world and blocking out what was being said. I lifted my head to see Colson was looking at me, a small smile on his face.

“What?” I asked. “Wait, did I say that out loud?”

“You did,” he confirmed with a chuckle. “Rub it in, why don’t you?”

“What? It’s true! I was a total nerd when I was in school. I passed with flying colors. My grades were so good that one of my teachers brought me down to the principal and claimed I was cheating and wanted me reprimanded for it.”

“Why did he think you were cheating?”

I shrugged. “Cause I’m a bit airheaded sometimes I guess. I rarely spoke in class so I was never answering questions that the teacher was asking, but I guess he caught me saying some not so smart things when I was talking to my friends and just thought I was as stupid as the rest of them. Mind you, it’s not like I was this super popular, airheaded, can get someone else to do my homework for me because everyone loved me type of person. I was that in between of not being a loser but not being popular either. This teacher just had something against me, I swear.”

“He must’ve been quite shocked when you proved you had done it all yourself.”

I smiled proudly, remembering the feeling of triumph when I sat down in that particular teacher’s after school detention, with the teacher and the principal in the room, and did an entire test in front of him. No books, no phone, no peers to help me, and I still got an A on it.

“He was still convinced I cheated somehow,” I said. “But the principal apologized to me for the misunderstanding.”

I turned my attention back to Colson’s phone to see all sorts of messages coming in from his fans. A lot of them were cheering me on about the story with my teacher, and, of course, a lot of them were shocked that I was so academically smart that I had graduated with such high grades. I expected this to be the reaction, given my online persona and all.

Colson noticed the messages as well, as he commented, “Hey, be nice to (Y/N). Saying you’re shocked that she’s smart is fucking rude, guys.”

I put my hand on his shoulder. “No, it’s okay, babe. Honestly, it’s the reaction I expected. I don’t exactly put out the vibes that I’m a smart person or anything.”

“Yeah, but you should never judge a book by its cover.”

I chuckled. “Well, yeah you have a point. But still, it’s hard not to judge a book when the cover she puts online is that she’s kinda dumb but attractive.”

The stream ended not too long after that. On my own social media platforms, I was receiving a ton of comments and messages about how cool it was that I was so academically smart and still chose to portray myself in a certain way online. One comment said, “(Y/N) out here further proving that a ‘bimbo’ can be one smart and bad ass bitch”.

I smiled at all the kind comments before discarding my phone.

Of course, my academic intelligence was no shock to Colson. He knew pretty early on that I wasn’t as ditsy as most people thought I was. I mean, it’s hard not to know when I had two giant bookshelves full of all sorts of novels placed in his living room when I moved in, and my diploma from high school was hung on the wall along with all the plaques and awards Colson had won over the years. He insisted on the latter, saying that my achievements should be on display as much as his are.

I shrieked as Colson picked me up into his arms and lifted me off of the couch. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he ran up the stairs to his bedroom and threw me down onto the bed. I put my hands up to stop him from completely squishing me as he plopped down on top of me.

He kissed all over my face before pausing just before my lips. “I love you.”

I giggled and kissed him quickly. “I know. I love you, too.”

“I think it’s incredibly sexy how smart and hot you are.”

I laughed at this. “You better be careful or else you may boost my ego too much.”

“What if that’s what I want?”

“Then keep the compliments coming, Baker.”

Colson smiled at me, and I felt like my heart was melting. It was really amazing what this man could do to me, even after all these years of being together.

He lowered his head to kiss my lips again. I ran a hand through his hair, gently tugging at the back of his head the way I knew he liked it. I couldn’t help but smirk into the kiss as I felt him reposition himself between my legs, knowing things were going to get much deeper than a kiss.

[theonewiththefanfics]

Paranoid (one-shot)

Synopsis: Loki wasn’t paranoid. I mean, that was before he met the Reader. Ever since then, all day every day he can only think of her, what she’s doing, where she’s going and what’s happening to her. All because she’s a grade A dumb ass.

Pairing: Loki x fem!Reader

Genre: fluff, maybe toiny bit of angst

Warnings: Reader has one brain cell and even that is not used, swearing, a lil bit of sad thoughts and general idiocy.

Word count: 3430

He was paranoid about her. Always. With every step he took. No exceptions. And it wasn’t how you might think. He’s not paranoid she might find someone better even though he thinks she deserves it. He’s not paranoid to have his heart broken and smashed into pieces because she carries it on velvet palms wherever she goes. No. It’s just that Y/N has quite the knack of getting hurt. And she’s been out on a mission for a month. Without any contact. So it was safe to say Loki was more than worried.

You could say he’s overreacting, but when it comes to his girl, it’s pretty much in the range. In fact, this is the calmest and collected Loki had been during the thirty-two days she was away, all because Y/N was finally coming home, and he could lay his green eyes upon her body to assess the damage.

When they had first met, Loki had had no idea what kind of a tornado he’d let in his life. Even the Black Widow had warned him about the woman before there had been any inclination something more than a friendship could bloom.

“She’s an absolute dumb-ass without a survival instinct,” Nat had said through a laugh, a beer bottle pressed against her rouged lips. “Honestly, I can only hope you two get put together on a mission just so you could see how big of an idiot she is. Bigger than Scott, and that’s saying something.”

In the meantime, Y/N was laughing away, head thrown back and eyes closed. “No,” she’d pointed at the redhead after nearly choking on her coffee as she pressed a tissue against the liquid that had dribbled down her chin. “I do have a survival instinct. I just don’t have a self-preservation instinct.” 

“And what’s the difference?” the Asgardian prince’s black eyebrow rose in question.

“When shit goes down, I do try to, you know, get out in somewhat of a single piece. It’s the before it happens that I don’t do.”

“You mean thinking?”

Y/N clapped her hands in excitement. “Exactly! I don’t do the thinking bit!”

That should’ve been his warning for what kind of chaos she’d bring to his life. 

It started off small with her inability to walk into the adjoined kitchen area without stubbing a toe or bruising the side of her hip against the countertop. Then it evolved into him noticing how Y/N didn’t press the button to release her toast when she thought it was in at prime toastiness level, instead, she grabbed a fork and full-on jammed it down there (DON’T DO THAT), not caring whether she’d get electrocuted or blow out the fuses in the facility. It escalated all the way to her getting trapped in an ex-Hydra base, and her first thought being not to use the window as an escape route, but rather line the sides of the room with explosives and bring the whole floor down while she hid underneath a table. He was genuinely surprised Y/N was still alive. 

But with the chaos also came serenity. She’d sneak into his room with glimmering eyes and a new book in hand, slipping under Loki’s cold sheets to lay against him and explain why the new piece of literature was ‘the actual shit’ and ‘if he didn’t read it right at that moment, she’d gouge his eyes out cause he didn’t deserve them.’

Obviously, they were empty threats, and as Loki rolled the before mentioned green eyes, he’d gently take the book out of her hands while Y/N quickly scurried out of the room to come back five minutes later with two teacups in hand.

Y/N would snuggle up against him and listen to how his voice expertly wove the words into the story, but one time it was different. The day on which the nature of their relationship had flipped upside down, had followed the same routine they’d been having for around three months since they’d become friends, but then not even ten minutes later he felt her wet tongue completely press against his bare shoulder. By that point, after everything she’d done, he didn’t even question it, simply turned the page.

“Did you burn your tongue on the tea, darling?”

“Noube,” she muffled out not letting her tongue off of his chilled skin.

“You know there’s another way I could cool it down.”

“Eah? Ike aht?”

“I could kiss it better.”

Instantly Y/N had peeled herself off from him and stared at the god, the pink muscle hanging out of her mouth like a dog’s on a hot summer day. Loki just stared at the wall. 

He hadn’t meant for those words to escape him; he’d actually always meant to suppress his feelings for the girl until the day the world stopped spinning. In fact, that’s what he’d been doing ever since she’d returned from a mission in East India seven months prior, battered and bruised and his heart had lifted to the heavens at the sight of her simply smiling and breathing.

Loki could hear her swallow harshly, and then she whispered, “don’t offer something you won’t go through with.”

His head snapped to look at her because the tone wasn’t the teasing lilt he’d gotten used to. This woman sitting half-covered by his black bedsheets was no longer the self-assured, confident and no-shit’s-given person he’d grown to love. This woman was looking at him with fear of rejection and yet unmistakable hope in her eyes. 

Slowly he closed the book, not even caring to mark the page he was left on and put it on the side of the bed before leaning over and without hesitation cupping Y/N’s cheeks and pressing their lips together and they sagged against one another at the euphoric feeling. 

Her hands in his hair felt like paradise as she cradled his head in an attempt to pull him closer, and she gasped when he did slip his tongue in her mouth, eagerly accepting the intrusion. But then she just had to ruin the moment by snorting in his face, though Loki couldn’t hide the smile that appeared on his own.

“What? What’s so funny?”

Y/N scrunched her nose. “Your tongue’s really cold.”

“It did the trick though, right?”

She looked like she was pondering it for a bit, and in the meantime slid her legs up so they were now wrapped around his waist. “Dunno. Might need another treatment. You know, so we’re sure it’s cured.”

He didn’t argue for even a second because Loki couldn’t believe his life at that moment. It was filled with giggles, and short breaths as they stole kisses from one another as much as possible, and soft caresses that sometimes turned into biting fingers that dug in the other’s sides whenever a teasing remark slipped past their swollen lips.

His heart flipped in his chest when Y/N threw her head back in a cackle, exposing her neck to him where he laid loving kisses. 

He’d never been more scared of a feeling.

He was terrified of how easily she’d gotten ahold of his heart.

But fuck him, if Loki didn’t love it and wouldn’t dive headfirst into it again.

Though now, when she’d finally returned home after the mission, he was kind of regretting it as Y/N was being wheeled off the Quin-jet on a gurney, one of the hands that had so tenderly braided his hair just a month ago now limp over the side of the stretcher as the other covered a hole in her side that was oozing blood.

White-hot fury blazed through his veins, as he saw the Captain step down the track and onto the landing pad, though fortunately for the blond super-soldier, the god didn’t get to him as he decided to follow Bruce and Tony who were taking Y/N to the med bay. But even knowing the love of his life was being treated by the best of the best, didn’t pacify him especially when they refused him entry into her room. 

“Loki, Loki, calm down,” Nat, who’d been on the mission with Y/N and Steve, pushed against his chest to keep the god away from busting through the door. “They won’t let anyone in until she’s been stitched up, but it’s nothing big… I mean on her scale. She just decided to be dramatic and passed out on her way back.”

He wanted to fight, he wanted to make each person that stood between them crumble underneath him, but he knew it wouldn’t do him or Y/N any good. Loki huffed, letting his shoulders drop and then pressing his thumb and forefinger against the bridge of his nose. “How bad?”

“Umm, Marrakesh level, so, nothing too lethal.”

“By Valhalla,” Loki dragged a hand across his face. “That woman will kill me one day. Not directly, no, but I’ll have a heart attack just because of her recklessness.”

Nat snorted and crossed her arms. “I did warn you.”

“Not enough.”

“Hey, don’t blame me! You were the one that fell in love with her.”

That Loki didn’t have a comeback for, so instead, he just huffed and plopped down into one of the chairs that lined the wall outside of the med bay.

“Our lives would be quite dull without her though,” Nat said, joining the god on the chairs and releasing a restrained groan, as she shuffled into the seat. She most likely had a dislocated hip but had practically bitten Steve’s head off when he told her to go and get checked. She, just as much as Y/N’s boyfriend, needed to know their firecracker was alright.

“Yeah,” Loki sighed. “If only she had one more brain cell in that head of hers, maybe we could live in somewhat of a peace.”

Not even two minutes later, Tony threw open the doors and allowed them to enter, but by that point, everyone had heard the arrival of their teammates, and they wanted to check on them. For example, Thor wanted to see if Loki had murdered anyone yet, but as it turned out, he didn’t need to worry about that. Instead, he needed to worry about his brother’s girlfriend.

“Loki!” Y/N squealed seeing the raven-haired god come into her hospital room. “That’s ma man!” she said to Bruce, who only rolled his eyes already used to the way the woman was while coming out of it. “It’s ma Loki Loki, bo-boki, Banana-fana fo-foki, Fee-fi-mo-moki, Loki!”

She dramatically pointed at the other god standing beside him.

“Oh, and that’s his brother Thor, Thor, bo-bhor, Banana-fana fo-fohr, Fee-fi-mo-mohr, Thor!” Her hands slapped against her cheeks as she squeezed them and wiggled them up and down making her words shake. “My-y-y-y-y fa-a-a-a-a-a-ce fee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ls li-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ke cotto-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n.”

“That’s 'cause you’re high,” Tony said.

Y/N was instantly on it. It was like she was on crack and on steroids and a sugar rush while at the same time doing a hundred miles an hour. “Hello, High. I’m dad.”

Tony looked at the ceiling in despair. “That’s not how that even works.”

“Why’s she like that?” Loki asked sitting down next to Y/N on the bed, who suddenly busied herself with the reflections of the sun the golden cufflinks of his shirt sleeves threw. Especially as his face went to caress her cheek, but she grabbed his wrist in a white-knuckling grip and moved it in certain angles to create reflections on the walls. 

        The billionaire sighed. “We gave her a sedative cause when we started to stitch her up, she woke up and almost kicked Bruce in the nuts, but after a little breakdown of the situation by Steve, it turns out there was some gas involved in the mission, and I guess the combination of the two chemicals have flung her in the stratosphere.”

        That wasn’t a good word, as it turned out it was almost like Bucky’s trigger words, given how Y/N immediately screeched out, “Walking on air, living in the Stratospheeeeeeeeeeeeere!”.

        “Wow,” Nat sighed. “Mutemath would hate her.”

        Y/N stuck her tongue out at the redhead. “You’re mute math, how ‘bout that? No one likes to be name called, you bully.”

        “Yeah, okay,” the redhead chuckled as she patted Y/N’s foot. “You’ll survive. I’m gonna have a nap.” And with that she left limping on her way, Steve following so he could scold her into getting her hip put into place by a professional, not by him or Clint. 

        One by one the rest of the team did as well, knowing that they could rest with easy hearts as Y/N was safe, stitched up and sound. Well, as sound as being completely drugged up could be.

Tony checked her vitals one more time before turning to Loki, who’d refused to leave her on her own, one, because he loved her and wanted to know she was alright, two, because he didn’t trust normal Y/N to not do stupid things, let alone this version. 

“Speaking of naps,” Tony said, “if she doesn’t pass out in the next ten minutes please do your mumbo jumbo and make her. She needs rest. I’ve put in some pain meds with a sleepy side effect, so hopefully, she’ll be out like a light in no time.”

Loki sighed, as he felt Y/N rub her cheek against the silken material of his shirt. “Of course.”

With that, the billionaire left, muttering something about how her generation would be the last generation if they didn’t stop being so stupid. Not that Loki would disagree, his girlfriend being a prime example of that.

Y/N hummed Loki’s name quietly, which made him look down at the love-sick puppy dog eyes she was giving him. A gentle smile appeared on his face.

“Yeah, darling?”

“Mhm,” she hummed, snuggling against his side. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he muttered, kissing the top of her head. “Do you wanna lay down?”

She scoffed looking up at him and tried to shove him off the bed, confusion riddling his face until Y/N said, “I have a boyfriend who I love very much. I’ll cut you before I sleep with you.”

“Yeah.” Loki groaned standing up. “Alright.” Green seidr appeared to weave around his arms, and with a flick of his fingers, her eyes started to drop closed as she slid down the sheets and snuggled up in the place where Loki had been sitting.

He dragged a hand down his face and huffed, plopping his body in the armchair which was in the room deciding to sleep for a bit until Y/N woke up. Although he was a god and didn’t need as much rest as mortal people did, he’d sure as Hel need all the energy he could gather because once his girlfriend was awake it’d be chaos all over. 

Loki didn’t get much rest though when a light touch on his shoulder disturbed him from his sleep.

Slowly his eyes fluttered open, mouth stretching in a smile as Y/N’s face looked down on him with a happy expression. 

        “Hey there, sleepyhead.”

        “Hello, dove,” he muttered, kissing the inside of her palm. “You up?”

        She nodded, whispering, “Yeah. But do you think you could help me with all these wires? I wanna go to our room.”

        Her words were what hit him, making Loki jump up, realising Y/N was out of the bed when she was supposed to be resting.

        Gingerly, despite all the protests from her mouth, he took her under the legs and put her back in the hospital bed. 

        “But – “

        “I will tie you down here if you try to step out again.” His voice was deep and filled with a threat he fully intended to fulfil, but Y/N in her Y/N fashion just wiggled her eyebrows and Loki handed a carton of juice and stabbed the top with a straw.

        “Kinky. I like it. But let’s leave it for our own private time.”

        Pinching the bridge of his nose had become a motion Loki was now all too familiar with. Not even after all the time, he’d put up Thor’s bullshit had he had to do that. He was quite certain his fingers had left indents on his skin. 

“What happened on the mission?” he asked, placing a pudding cup and a spoon on the nightstand.

“Dude came out of nowhere,” Y/N said sipping on her apple juice. “Like he just appeared behind me and stabbed me in the side. Talk about rude, right.”

“You need to be more careful.”

Y/N raised her eyebrow. “I am careful. ‘S not like I go out to get stabbed on purpose.”

But Loki’s tone had lost all lightness, as she exasperated. “No, I need you to be more careful.”

“I am. I –“ but she didn’t get a chance to finish as Loki racked a frustrated hand through his hair, snapping at her. “No, you’re the most reckless person I’ve ever met and you think getting stabbed and inhaling chemicals is not a big deal, but it is, and I can’t do this anymore… I can’t lose you.”

And although it was said with anger and frustration, Y/N could see the underlying pain and fear. His family had all but abandoned him, and we’re not talking about his biological one. All he had left was Thor, and Loki would never admit it out loud, he dreaded the day his brother would disappear from his life.

“Loki.” She took one of his hands and pressed a kiss to his cold knuckles. “You could never lose me.”

A bitter chuckle settled between them as he looked up at her. “But I could. You’re so carefree and fluttery while doing things that could kill you, it scares me half to death.”

“I know,” she whispered. “But I have to.”

Loki’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why?”

“Because if I don’t all the darkness will just settle on me, and I’ll never be able to get out of it.”

Loki squeezed her hand in encouragement, and after taking a deep breath Y/N elaborated. “I try to ease myself with the thought that I’m saving people, and helping humanity, but at the end of the day, I’m still taking lives. It’s not like they, you know, the bad guys’ think they’re the bad guys. They’re not doing it because they think they’re evil. They’re fighting for what they think is right. That doesn’t mean it is, but we’re all villains in someone else’s stories, and if I start thinking of it, I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.” A shuddery exhale left her lips, and this time it was Loki taking a hold of her hand. “I need to let myself be a bit crazy. Because if I don’t, I don’t know how I’ll go on. I promise I don’t do it because of some wish to get killed in the process. It’s just that… it makes it easier to look at the world, to not think for a moment about the bad.”

“Can you just promise me something?” Loki’s tone was soft as a feather’s touch as he sighed, understanding where she was coming from. More than once his own dark thoughts tended to overcome him, but in his world, it was Y/N who brought in the light to dissipate them. He hadn’t gotten to the point where he could do it himself, so he supposed he had to at least be happy she’d found a way to fight them off herself, even if it made him fear for her.

Y/N nodded. “Anything.”

“Just – just try to think before you do anything.”

That set both of them off into a fit of giggles as she raised their clasped hands and pressed a kiss to his cold one. “I can try.”

“Promise.”

“I promise to try. Though, I’d say don’t get disillusioned. I’m still the same crazy person you met before.”

A soft smile graced Loki’s, face and he brought Y/N’s hand to his lips where he pressed a kiss to her warm skin. “Wouldn’t want it any other way. Though, as much as I doubt, you’ll heed my request, you could do one thing for me?”

“And what’s that?”

 “Stop jamming forks in the toaster.”

“Absolutely not!” she scoffed. “How else am I supposed to get the bread out?”

“You wait for it to be done!”

“It takes too fucking long!”

Although Loki would fight tooth and nail to somehow keep Y/N safe and would use everything in his arsenal to make sure she took care of herself, he’d never change her even if it made him paranoid.

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Everything tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64​ @supernaturalbaesduh​ @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl​ @sea040561​ @staryeyedgirl​ @deathbyarabbit​ @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91​ @dalilx​ @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns​ @averyrogers83​ @in-the-end-im-still-trash​ @gallifreyansass​ @dewy-biitch​ @avxgers​ @unlikelygalaxygiver​ @magicwithaknife​ @ollyoxenfrees​ @bnhvrdy​ @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl​ @sj-thefan​ @teenwolflover28 @lestersglitterglue​ @im-squished​

Marvel tags: @nerissa98​ @happyseagrill​ @asguardiansoftheavengers​ @crazybutconfidentaf​ @wishingforahome​ @pizzarollpatrol​ @desir-ae​

Hiddles/Loki tags: @marvels-queen-bee @julierousing98 @maggiesimps @horrorx570ximagines​ @luluthegreatandterrible​ @bambamwolf87​ @drakesfiance​ @artbysteph87 @beets1bears1battlestargalactica

A/N: I hope everyone’s staying home and is alright during these crazy times.

I’m back writing for ma boy Loki (I had a dream about that Loki - Tom Hiddles look-alike that is on TikTok that we were cuddling, so I’m on a Loki and Tom lovin’ wave)

P.S. my tags are always open :)

P.S.S. what did ya think?

[unwrittenlibrary]

golden (you’re so golden)

summary // bucky is in louisiana with sam when he meets you, one of sam’s close friends, and immediately gets along with you. (bucky x fem!reader)

words // 3.5k

warnings // it’s fluff! some tiny insecure bucky but that’s about it. sam calls reader bubbles a couple times. use of y/n.

notes // 💞

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

Bucky enjoyed Louisiana.

He enjoys being with Sam and his family in Louisiana. It’s slow and relaxed and everybody in town is so charming that he finds himself settling in easily.

There’s a level of trust Sam shows Bucky allowing him to help with the family boat and while he hadn’t said it, he did appreciate Sam’s unending kindness.

Perhaps Bucky has found the beginnings of a new home in Sam Wilson. A friendship based on respect and love helped Bucky. He was slowly but surely rebuilding himself into a better man.

“Word on the street is Sam Wilson was back in town.” A voice calls out from above the two men. Bucky looks at Sam and finds him smiling and shaking his head. There’s footsteps and then you’re standing in the doorway with a smirk. “I just had to see for myself.”

Sam lets go of the wrench in his hand and moves to meet you at the top of the stairs. Bucky watches curiously as Sam hugs you tightly. He had never mentioned a girlfriend, although Bucky wasn't particularly forthcoming about his personal life either.

“Hey, Bubbles.” Bucky scrunches his nose at the nickname and you roll your eyes and shove Sam off of you.

He laughs heartily clutching his stomach. “The nickname wasn’t funny in the seventh grade and it’s not funny now.”

Sam presses a kiss to your head and Bucky clears his throat. He feels like he’s interrupting a personal moment, but your smile is turned on him and then Bucky freezes because that’s a beautiful smile.

“Who’s your friend?” You nudge Sam with your elbow but your stare doesn’t waver. Bucky smiles nervously before lifting his hand up in an awkward wave.

“Bucky.” He introduces. You nod slowly. “Barnes.” He adds on and you laugh at him making Bucky deflate a little.

“Y/N.” You respond easily. “And don’t call me Bubbles, I hate it.” Your glare and he nods. “I just came to see if the rumors were true.” You shift your focus back to Sam. “I just couldn’t believe Sam Wilson was here, working on the boat, without telling me.”

Sam scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “Wasn’t sure how long I was gonna be here.”

You purse your lips and Bucky thinks that wasn’t the right thing to say. He’s so curious about what your relationship is because he can’t tell if it’s just friends or dating or maybe even exes. You’re affectionate and comfortable with one another, that much is obvious in the few seconds Bucky has been able to observe.

“Even if you were here for a day, I would like to see you.” You punch his shoulder. “But whatever, I’m not gonna hold a grudge.”

There’s a moment of silence between the three of you before you shrug. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you tonight, Sarah invited me for dinner.”

You give a quick hug to Sam before waving goodbye Bucky. He waves back with a smile and watches as you walk away.

He doesn’t even realize Sam’s staring at him until the man clears his throat. Bucky shuffles and adamantly ignores the fire he feels burning at his cheeks. “Who’s that?” He asks in a faux nonchalant tone.

Sam shakes his head and laughs. “We grew up together. Went to prom and all that.” Bucky nods and tries to think of how to ask his next question, but Sam beats him to it. “Not as my girlfriend or anything. She’s like a bonus sister.”

Bucky nods and looks back down at the pipe they had been working on. “Cool… We gonna finish this?”

Sam snorts, but Bucky can hear his footsteps come back down the stairs. “Let’s get it done. I just know Sarah’s gonna make something great for dinner if Y/N’s coming and I’m starving.”

Bucky nods, excited for some home cooked food. And maybe seeing more of your smile.

》

Bucky sits next to you at dinner. The kids across from the two of you with Sam and Sarah at the ends of the table.

He notices your eyes trail over the black and gold of his arm and tries to not to blush. “How’d this happen?” You nod to it after a moment of silence.

Bucky turns to you at the same moment Sam’s head shoots up to look at you. “Bubbles.” He hisses your nickname like you’re a child with their hand in the cookie jar.

“Sam.” You hiss back, eyes narrowed at the nickname. Bucky wonders if Sam would ever call you by your first name. “It’s okay.” He nods to Sam.

Bucky is sure that the kids sitting across from him had been wondering too, if Sam hadn’t already told them. He takes a sip of his beer before deciding on sharing a condensed version

“Lost it when I fell off a train in 1945.” He shrugs. You look him up and down. “Got this arm a few years ago.”

It’s silent as you process his words and your eyes move back to stare at the arm. His fingers twitch and your eyes snap to them.

“You don’t look like you fell off a train in 1945. You don’t even look forty.” You say skeptically. Sam runs a hand over his face while the kids laugh.

“Just eat.” Sam orders. “You don’t need to ask him all these questions. It’s rude.”

You turn to your food and roll your eyes at Sam. “I asked one question.” Then your eyes move to Bucky again and you smile apologetically. “I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable though. I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “It’s cool. You can just google me for all the answers anyways. I’m pretty sure the Smithsonian has a webpage on me.”

You snort. “That’s a subtle brag.”

Bucky feels his cheeks flush and shakes his head. “No. I just meant… like, Howling Commandos and Steve-“

“She’s just messing with you, man.” Sam laughs as he reaches across the table for a biscuit. “She knows who you are.”

Bucky looks back at you and finds the teasing smile on your face. He flushes red and that only makes you laugh too. Bucky presses his lips together and nods slowly. “Nice.”

“Hey.” You nudge him with your elbow. “If it helps, I think you look pretty good for someone who fell off of a train, lost an arm, was brainwashed for decades and then fought an army of Titans.”

Sam’s shaking his head and Sarah is just staring at you with wide eyes, but Bucky’s lips quark up as he tries not to laugh. “Thanks.” His eyes move over you. “You look pretty good for someone who’s friends with Sam.”

“Hey!” Sam cuts in defensively. “You know, most people think I’m cool.” You and Bucky smirk at each other before both turning to Sam with open mouths, ready to tease him. “Nevermind.”

Bucky can’t help but watch as you throw your head back and let out one of the most beautiful laughs he’s ever heard.

》

“Boys!” You call from the dock with a bright smile. Bucky spins so fast he thinks he’s got whiplash until he sees your happy face. You’ve got your sunglasses hooked in the collar of your t-shirt and a tray of iced coffees in your hands. “I know I’m late, but I come with some refreshments.”

Sam scoffs from next to Bucky. “Coffee isn’t really all that good for rehydration.”

Your smile drops for a millisecond before you turn your attention to Bucky. He gestures awkwardly for a moment before his right hand lands on his hip and his left hand waves. “I like coffee.” He blurts.

You bite down a smile as Bucky ignores the blush he knows is on his cheeks. Maybe it’ll just pass off as a sunburn, or heat exhaustion.

“See, Sam.” You smile victoriously. “Bucky appreciates my gifts.”

Sam scoffs and Bucky just stares at you avoiding Sam’s glare. “He won’t when he tastes the sugar monstrosity you’ve probably brought him.”

You pout and step closer to the boat. You shakily try to step onto deck, but stumble at the last minute. Bucky’s hands shoot out to steady your waist and you look at him with a shy smile and grateful eyes.

“Thank you, Bucky.” You say softly as he helps you step onto the boat deck steadily. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I got you what I drink.”

You lift one of the iced drinks out of the carrier. Sam was right, it looks like a sugared disaster, more cream than coffee; Bucky has to force himself not to scrunch his nose up at the drink.

“Thank you.” Bucky takes the coffee from you and stares down at it. You hand one over to Sam and then finally pull your own out.

“If...If you don’t like it, don’t even worry.” You say as the three of you move back to the part of the deck the boys had been working on all morning.

Bucky takes a sip and well, it’s not awful. Nor is it even that bad. Definitely more sugar than he was used to, but he needed to get out of his comfort zone anyways.

“I like it.” He states. “I’d like anything you give me.” He smirks as you look down at your feet nervously. “You’ll have to tell me what you order so I know.”

Your smile brightens and you nod excitedly, pulling your phone out. “Give me your number, I’ll text it to you.”

“You can just write it down.” Sam says with a teasing smirk when Bucky looks up and glares over your shoulder. “I mean-“

“Ignore him.” You roll your eyes and hold the phone out, the contact page already cued up. As Bucky takes the phone and begins to type his number in, you spin around to face Sam. “I’m trying to make friends here, Wilson. Stop trying to discourage it because you’re afraid he and I could lead to world destruction together.”

Sam laughs loudly and Bucky hands the phone back to you. “I’m not worried about the world as much, I'm worried about me. I can already tell you two will be a pain in my ass together.”

You glance at Bucky and wink before slipping the phone back into your pocket. “Stop stalling Sam, we’ve got work to do.” You scoff as you begin to pull out tools.

Bucky looks at Sam with a smirk. “Yeah, Sam. We’re trying to get some work done while you’re just standing there.” Bucky sturdies the piece you had begun screwing in with his left hand.

Sam sighs and returns to his earlier position. “I’m so glad you two have met.” He mutters sarcastically.

》

The shield slips onto Bucky’s arm easily. “Looking good!” You wolf whistle as you make your way towards the boys in Sarah’s yard.

Sam rolls his eyes, but Bucky puffs his chest out a little and smiles. “Hey!” He says as you come to a stop in front of them.

Bucky’s eyes trail over your figure. “Hey. I heard you were leaving today.” Your attention is solely on Bucky as Sam stands beside him with a knowing smile.

He nods apologetically. “I’ve got some stuff to do back home in Brooklyn. I uh-“ He looks down at his boots. “You have my number. I would love to keep in touch.”

You bite down on your lip as you nod. “Of course! Anybody who can handle Sam is someone I want in my life.”

“Are you two just gonna make fun of me everytime you’re together? Because I’ll cut this off right now.” He says jokingly.

You rock back and forth on your feet nervously before finally talking. “I’ll let you two get back to it. I just wanted to say bye!” You pull Sam into a tight hug before turning to Bucky. “Um, I’ll see you later. I hope?”

He nods enthusiastically. “Yeah! Yeah, I mean. I hope so too.” He stands awkwardly in front of you, unsure of if he should hug you or just settle for a handshake.

Your hands land on his shoulders as you lift yourself onto your tippy toes and press a kiss to his cheek. His cheeks are burning red by the time you pull away and wonders if you’re as nervous as he is. “I’ll see you around, Bucky.” You say sweetly before spinning on your heel and walking off.

Bucky watches you go with soft eyes as Sam just stares at him incredulously.

》

Bucky doesn’t get to see much of you the next couple weeks, but he hears from you all the time. Text messages telling him to have a good day. Photos of animals you see around your hometown. Photos of you and your family or friends.

It always makes his day and you never seem to mind if it takes him a long time to reply.

“You gonna come down?” Sam asks as he and Bucky walk through the empty streets of Brooklyn. “Y/N has been asking about you. When you’ll be in Louisiana again.”

Bucky shrugs. “I don’t know. I... I might stay up here.” Bucky answers quietly. He wanted to see you. You had easily become one of his favorite people to talk to, even if you had barely seen each other in person.

Sam snorts. “Come on. The boys want to see you. Sarah. We all loved having you around.” He bumps his shoulder into Bucky’s.

“I won’t be intruding?” Bucky asks softly.

Sam shakes his head. “You know that you won’t, Bucky. I’m not gonna force your hand, but I know she would like to see you as much as you would her.”

“Really?” Bucky tries not to sound too excited by the idea of you asking Sam about Bucky and when he’d be back in Louisiana.

Sam rolls his eyes. “Yeah. She asks about you. Just… Come down for a few days?”

Bucky nods slowly. “Yeah… Okay. I will.”

》

The dock is packed with people. Bucky smiles at the laughter and cheerful screams of the people around him. Crowds weren’t normally his thing, but this town of people loved each other so much he couldn't help but relish in the warmth.

“Bucky! Bucky!” He slips his sunglasses off as Sam’s nephews come rushing towards him excitedly. They throw fake punches and kicks that Bucky dodges before they lead him to the food table.

He places his cake on the edge and stops to look around. He knows he’s searching for you, but he can at least try to be as nonchalant as possible about it.

“You went all out for your dish, huh?” Your voice makes him spin around. You’re behind him with crossed arms and an amused smile on your face. The sun is casting such a beautiful light over you that Bucky is speechless for a moment.

Bucky shrugs. “I didn’t… I’m not much of a chef and I didn’t want to come empty handed.” He explains sheepishly.

You shake your head before moving forward and wrapping your arms around his neck. Bucky immediately responds and wraps his arms around you tightly.

“I’m so happy you came down again.” You whisper to him and pull back to look at him. He smiles sweetly at you. “Me too. It’s nice to see you again.”

You pull completely away, but slide your arm through his and begin to walk with him. “Come meet everyone. I’ve been talking about you non-stop, everyone is so excited to meet you.”

You pull him around and introduce him to friends and family. Your arm never leaves his and that makes Bucky feel extremely warm on the inside. He’s positive he’s going to melt by the time you’re pulling him towards the food.

“Hey!” Sam is the last person you and Bucky find. He’s sitting with Sarah and his nephews as they all eat. “Sit! I’m sure you’re tired of introducing your boyfriend to everyone.”

You and Bucky look away from each other nervously as you take your seats. “Shut up, Sam.” You hiss as you take your seat next to him.

Sam rolls his eyes as he hands over food to you and Bucky. It’s not awkward, but everytime you and Bucky make eye contact he feels his cheeks get warm and you look away with a nervous smile.

“I should head out.” You finally say, picking up the plate in front of you to throw it away on your way out. “Thanks for all this, Sam. Sarah. It was so great to see everyone again.” They nod with bright smiles and your attention focuses on Bucky. “Will you be staying for a while?”

He shrugs, unsure of what to say. “I…I think so. Yeah.” You nod slowly and stand in front of him for a moment like you’re waiting for something before sighing. “Well, I’ll see you later.” You wave before turning and beginning to walk away.

Bucky watches you for a few seconds before turning back to look at the table. Everybody is staring at him with poorly concealed smirks.

“What?” He asks defensively. He takes a sip of his water and they continue to just stare. “Stop staring at me. It’s weird.”

“You better go after her!” Sam shoves his shoulder which makes Bucky choke a little on the water. “She just waited for you to walk her home!”

Bucky begins shaking his head vehemently. “No. No way! She was saying goodbye. To all of us.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Bucky!” Sarah chimes in. “She likes you! She literally introduced you to everyone she cares about today!” There’s a chorus of yeahs from Sam and the boys that has Bucky glaring playfully at them.

“Really? She wanted me to walk her home?” He asks Sam quietly. Sam scoffs. “Yeah, man. So you better start hustling to catch up with her!”

“Shit!” He pushes himself off of the bench. “Okay! I’ll see you guys later!” He calls out with a hasty wave before jogging away from the table.

You can’t have made it far, but if you’ve already left the dock entirely there’s no way he’ll find you. He had no clue where you live or even what direction he would have to go in to find you.

He stops at the entrance of the dock and looks around while huffing out breaths. His eyes catch on your sundress and he smiles. “Y/N!” He calls out, jogging to catch up with you.

“Hey! Wait up!” You pause and turn around to face him. Your eyes light up but you don’t say anything to him as he comes to a stop beside you. “Let me walk you home?” He asks nervously.

Surprise crosses your features before an excited smile takes place. “Okay.” You say softly. “I would love that.” You wrap your hand around his bicep and step closer as the two of you begin to walk.

Bucky appreciates that you seem to be comfortable with talking because the entire twenty minute walk passes quickly with your stories and jokes. By the time the two of you have reached your front door Bucky is trying to come up with a reason to go around the block one more time.

“Thank you for walking me home, Buck.” You say quietly. You cross your arms over your stomach and run one hand up and down the opposite arm. Bucky smiles at you as you speak. “I had a nice time talking to you.”

Bucky stuffs his hands into his pockets and nods. “Me too. I enjoy talking to you. You’re a breath of fresh air.” He admits. It was nice to talk to somebody who wasn’t a part of his old life, who was completely new and who only knew this him, not Bucky from the forties or the winter soldier. Maybe his therapist had been right about needing to talk to more people.

You bite your lip and look off to the side before your eyes find his again. “Thank you. You’re really sweet.”

“Well, I’ll let you go.” Bucky takes a step back from you and your house. The two of you watch one another and Bucky knows he should say something. Ask you on a date. Tell you you’re pretty. He just can’t get the words out.

“Oh, Bucky.” You sigh as your hand wraps around his wrist and pulls him back into you. His left hand immediately lands on your waist in order to steady himself. Before he can apologize or pull it away, you’re leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

He doesn’t respond, unable to with how quickly you lean in and pull away, but you’re smiling sweetly at him. “Ask me out.” You demand softly.

Bucky chuckles. “Do you… Would you want to go on a date with me?” He asks, still a little nervous.

“I would love to.” You wrap your arms around his neck and Bucky lifts his other hand to rest on your waist too. “I can take you to some of my favorite places around town.” You offer and Bucky nods quickly.

Bucky enjoyed Louisiana.

He thinks he may have finally found a home outside of Brooklyn, which was a once upon a memory. Somewhere clean of Steve and a life Bucky would never get back. Somewhere with Sam forging a bond of brotherhood and you building something new with him too.

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // i don’t know how some of you write only on your phones it stresses me out so much kudos to you lol hope you liked this short piece, keep an eye out for my other two requests this week!

reblogs and replies are always appreciated if you enjoyed this!

[taechaos]

Rightful Punishment

pairing: bully!Jungkook x nerdy!fem!reader

synopsis: You do Jungkook's assignments in exchange for his affection. You don't even perform as well in your own subjects, but you don't care because all you want to do in life is make Jungkook happy. But it gets complicated when he gets a bad grade because of you.

genre: drabble, smut, college au

warnings: degradation, dubcon, exhibition

word count: 1.4k

"Hurry the fuck up," Jungkook grunts in your ear as you try your best to write the conclusion for his essay. He took you to the library before his Literature lecture when you told him you weren't finished with his assignment, and he keeps pestering you in a hushed voice because of his limited time.

You don't take Literature, but you're dealing with the pressure of his grades for him.

"I'm almost done," you whisper as you skim over the contents of the long text that you stayed up scribbling because Jungkook's professor is a man from the older generation when online documents weren't a thing. It's a pain in the ass, but you don't dare complain. When you're confident that you've summarized your - his conclusion in perfect detail, you brightly grin and show it to him. "I finished it!"

He doesn't bother reading it and only runs his eyes over your handwriting to make sure it's intelligible. "Good girl," the corner of his lips tugs upwards in satisfaction when he makes out your analysis of some short story.

"Can I have my kiss now?" your eyes gleam with hope as you shyly look up at him. He's hovering over you with a hand on the back of your chair, knees bent to see you work better. He shortly pecks your lips and pats your head before walking off with your essay secured in his hand as he starts to read it without bidding you farewell. Your heart flutters as you watch him leave, your fingertip grazing his lingering kiss on your lips.

You do Jungkook's assignments in exchange for his affection. You don't even perform as well in your own subjects, but you don't care because all you want to do in life is make Jungkook happy. With the blessing of having academic smarts, you waste it on a man who only loves you when you give him what you need.

That detail doesn't sink in your head, because it doesn't matter.

Your heart aches when you have to admire him from afar. He doesn't allow you to interact with him in public unless he's delivering you a pile of work, which is every two weeks.

But it's different this time. Your face lights up when you're sitting on a bench outside your campus with a few friends and you notice Jungkook angrily stomping in your direction as he throws away a torn piece of paper on the green grass.

A smile graces your lips as you raise your hand to wave at him before he yanks on your wrist and pulls you out of your seat to drag you away. The sun is shining down on the both of you, and you're enjoying his bruising grip on your hand while birds chirp happily in the background. You're in bliss and you resist the urge to close your eyes until he's dragged you into an empty spot under the shade.

"You stupid fucking bitch," he spits as he pushes you against the wall. "That essay you gave me was bullshit! Are you playing me?"

"What?" you panic as your lips part. You hate seeing Jungkook upset. "But I-I worked so hard on it-"

"Hell you did," he grits, "I got a fucking C minus. I kissed you for that essay, only to get a C?"

"I'll rewrite it!" you instantly compromise in an attempt to please him, "please let me do it again. I promise I'll get you an A this time!"

His most common grade: A plus. Jungkook wants to become a paralegal without working a day in his life, and you're so willing to be taken advantage of that he doesn't even feel bad. The only form of appreciation you receive is a kiss or praise.

"He's not accepting retakes," he grumbles with a subtle snarl. "It's only 5% of my grade, so he thinks it doesn't matter." He scoffs at the audacity of the professor and you. "Get on your knees."

You stop scowling at the ground out of disappointment in yourself at his command and immediately obey. Your eyes grow wide when he starts unbuckling his belt. "What are you doing?"

"Shut the fuck up," he orders as he unzips himself. "I'm putting you to use, you dumb whore."

Your heart pounds as you convince yourself that you deserve the insults he throws at you; you did something wrong. He's just giving you the rightful punishment, you think when he shoves his cock inside your gaping mouth. Your scalp stings when he grips your hair to stop you from moving as he thursts in and out of your cavern. A gag rips out of you at his harsh movements when he sinks his length down to the hilt and his balls smack against your chin.

"Can't even do one fucking thing right," he snarls as he sharply breathes in and out through his nose. "Gonna fuck your brains out if you even have any."

He starts groaning when you swirl your tongue around him, disregarding your brimming tears and aching jaw. "Keep doing that," he demands while panting, and you wrap your lips around his length as he keep thrusting into you with your tongue desperately licking the underside of his shaft. "Fuck, yes," he moans under his breath.

"I thought about replacing you," he reveals while running his fingers through your hair as his hips begin to stutter. "Find someone smarter who can get one good fucking grade."

The tears you held back start streaming down your face as your heart sinks. You grow more desperate and hold onto his thighs, rubbing them up and down and pull your mouth away. A string of saliva connects you to the head of his cock as you whimper, "please don't. I'll do better, Jungkook, please!"

"I told you to shut up, didn't I?" he growls as he yanks on your hair and you whine at the pain. "Make me cum and I'll consider keeping you."

You start nodding frantically and swallow the pleads that beg to erupt from your swollen lips. You know what to do when he nods at you without moving his hips, so you start to pleasure him with your hand on his balls and your tongue teasing the slit on his tip. Your other hand pumps his throbbing length, and you moan to please him further. You're so needy, so desperate to make it up to him, and he knows it; he gets off on it.

He knows you love him with all of your being, but he doesn't realize that loves you just as much, if not more. He just wants to use you, and you're not doing yourself any favors with how feverishly you're sucking him off.

It resounds in his ears, all the noise you're making in an effort to satisfy him. You don't even care you're in a public space, and it turns him on to the point of sighing at the thought of fucking you in front of everyone.

"Go faster, don't you even know how to suck a dick properly?" he taunts and you take his balls in your mouth as your hand pumps him swiftly. You know he's reaching his high as his breaths become more audible, and you return to his tip to leave kitty licks. He's groaning at how feverous you are, and it's not long before cum begins to ooze out onto your tongue.

You lap it all up as he continues to release in your mouth while moaning breathily, loudly. "Shit, shit, shit," he hisses when he grows sensitive, bordering on overstimulation, and he pushes your head away to stroke himself to spurt out all of his cum.

You try your best to catch all of it, but a few drops land on your face and you collect them all with your finger. When he's finished, he holds himself up by leaning on the wall you're pushed up against. You're staring at his jaw and the way his chest inflates with each breath from under him. You swallow all of his release and it tastes slightly bitter on your tastebuds.

After he collects himself, he adjusts his pants and buckles up without saying anything.

"A-Are you going to leave me?" you meekly ask, but he doesn't reply. Only when he walks away as if nothing happened do you feel the pain on your knees that scraped against the cement from the force of his thrusts. You wipe the spit on your mouth when you take in your surroundings. A few students pass by you in the alley, only a few feet away from your campus.

Even though he humiliated you, you still love him and with a dull ache in your heart, you hope he doesn't leave you for someone else.

And you can't help but yearn for another lesson from him.