#so now he’s just like ‘ya know what— maybe imma just stay quiet’ because insecurities smacked him in the face u - u

[take-ya-to-the-ghey-bar]

A certain blonde who would like to chime in about feeling pouty and wanting attention, but thanks to some goings on… Isn’t too sure he wants to pipe up about anything.

[violetwolfraven]

Hey! I have a couple requests from the prompt thing but imma send them in separately. 46 for Sprace (the having to tell Jack about their relationship one) in canon era please? I love Jack as everyone's older brother it is literally the best thing ever. Maybe he realizes Race keeps going over to Brooklyn and then is super worried and overthinking what he's doing over there so they end up having to explain? Thank you!

Tentatively trying this cause I’m not sure if my writing senses are back yet so if it comes out shitty I apologize.

I’ve actually done this exact prompt twice already with 2 other angles! So here goes Jack finding out about sprace, take 3.

Tw: anxiety.

...

Jack wasn’t stupid, and though running a borough and a union wasn’t exactly easy, he wasn’t so busy that he didn’t notice when one of his kids went missing.

There was a reason Jack was never first in line at the distribution center, and it wasn’t (only) so that Weasel and the Delanceys were already good and annoyed, courtesy of his friends, by the time he got up there.

It was mostly because the extra time from being a few back in the line was good for taking a headcount, making sure everyone who’d left the Lodging House was still there before anyone left to go to their selling spots. Making sure the older boys that were assigned Littles to look after had those Littles with them. Checking for limps or coughs that he hadn’t had time to notice on the way out the door.

It was the same when he checked around every night, making sure everyone was in their beds and checking on anyone who’d seemed sad that day. It was taking care of his friends, because Jack was the oldest and God knew nobody else was taking care of them.

Hell, he called them friends, but they were really more like family. The only family he remembered besides a few vague memories of a mother who’d died when he was young and a father who’d never exactly been a good one. And some of them had been around longer than others, but...

The ones who’d been around the longest, who’d showed up around the same time, when Jack was 7 and they were 6 and 5, respectively, were Crutchie and Race. His brothers even more than the others were. His most trusted friends. His seconds who would one day take over Manhattan when he left.

Jack had been watching over them the longest, so of course he still paid special attention to those two, keeping them close and safe. Even if they could take care of themselves and there were others who objectively needed him more, of course Jack still noticed when they had bad days. He did know them better than practically anyone, after all.

So of course he noticed when one of them started acting weird.

Race always sold in Brooklyn. He had since they were like... 11 and 9, ever since he struck up that deal with a girl who let him sell at Sheepshead. And he always made so much that nobody could tell him to come back and sell in Manhattan.

He always came home right after selling hours ended. And even though Brooklyn was a rougher neighborhood, he always came home safe.

Which was why it was so weird how he turned 15 and a few months later he just suddenly stopped coming home right after selling time, barely making it back before dark, some nights.

And yeah, wanting to take some space and time away from home was a normal teenage thing to do, as far as Jack knew—he’d never gotten the option to do that, being in charge of keeping his kids alive since he was 14—but he was starting to worry that something was seriously wrong, with how Race came back flustered and clearly hiding something.

Then the strike happened, and...

Well, if Race came back late before, it was nothing compared to how he started coming home after dark, barely before midnight, or even staying in Brooklyn overnight, a couple times.

Jack was preoccupied with the rest of the borough, with Katherine as they got caught up in the euphoria of the action and then Sarah as he tried to rebound from getting dumped and then Davey as he finally figured out his own heart, but he still wasn’t so distracted that he didn’t notice one of his seconds staying out all night.

Race wouldn’t tell him why, no matter how much he tried to seem reassuring and supportive of whatever it was. It was like he didn’t trust Jack anymore.

And... and that was fair. Jack had let him down during the strike by making him feel abandoned and betrayed—making all his kids feel that way—but it had seemed to blow over with the others after he explained that he didn’t scab for the money, so why not with Race? What was different that would make him not trust Jack when the others did?

The fear kept creeping in that whatever it was was going to make Race switch boroughs. He was spending an awful lot of time in Brooklyn, and he was hiding something from Jack for practically the first time since they’d met.

Davey told him not to worry, told him it wasn’t as serious as that, but Jack knew Race better.

And plus, Crutchie was worried, too. He told Jack that one night on the fire escape, after they watched Race ‘sneak’ into the house late for the 5th time that month. That it was weird he was spending so much time in Brooklyn and wouldn’t tell either of them why.

What was equally weird was how Albert usually wasn’t considered trustworthy as a secret keeper and yet he wouldn’t tell this one of Race’s despite the fact that he clearly knew. That meant that Race really wanted it kept a secret. It was suspicious.

Which was why Jack was doing something he didn’t do that often; doing something after Davey specifically told him it was a bad idea and not to do it.

The thing was, when a kid who was essentially your little brother kept coming home late, acting distant, and wouldn’t tell you why, you had to take steps. Which was why Jack was following Race to Brooklyn today, from enough of a distance that he hadn’t noticed yet.

He was heading to Sheepshead like he always did, and as Jack watched him throughout the day, he was just selling like any other newsie and placing bets like... well, like Race.

It seemed like there was no reason why he would be staying out late, so why was he..?

By a few hours to the end of the day he’d sold most of his papers already, so it wasn’t exactly a surprise that he was heading under the stands for a break, but...

It started to get suspicious after he’d stayed down there for 20 minutes.

Naturally, Jack’s anxieties popped up again, wondering what if he’s hurt and he’s hiding it what if he’s in trouble what if he’s talking to a Brooklyn kid about switching boroughs and he snuck down to where he knew Race usually hung out, staying quiet as he could and feeling stupid but still also feeling the need to go keep following.

Given that he trusted Race despite his insecurities, Jack wasn’t sure what he was expecting to find.

But whatever he was expecting, it definitely was not Race sitting against a stable wall, holding hands and trading lazy, carefree kisses with the King of Brooklyn like they didn’t care about the law or the summer heat or... anything.

It clearly wasn’t the first time and everything made sense now.

Neither of them noticed Jack was standing there, which was partially shocking and partially just... Jack didn’t know what. He had no idea what was going on right now and shock was all he was feeling.

He cleared his throat, “So...”

Race and Spot jumped, and one of them yelped as they shoved apart, getting to their feet.

“Jack?”

Race’s voice was an octave higher than usual. Spot had put himself between the two of them, which was... kind of odd to realize he was that protective, but good? Jack was still so confused.

But he knew Race looked scared, and as much as he was trying to hide it, so did Spot. He couldn’t have that.

“Whoa,” Jack put his hands up, “I ain’t tellin’ nobody. Don’t worry.”

“Yeah, cause if ya did, I’d tell everybody ‘bout you and Mouth,” Spot shot back.

“Spot, back off,” Race muttered under his breath, and Jack tried to swallow his panic. He didn’t know how Spot had found out about him and Davey, but it didn’t seem like a good thing that he knew.

Yeah... he really should have listened when Davey told him not to follow Race.

But shockingly, it looked like Spot was backing off. Like he was relaxing under the touch of Race’s hand on his shoulder. That only made Jack feel a little better, but he guessed Spot did have a reason to be defensive. If Jack outed him, it would probably get him killed.

It was dangerous to be queer, period, and it was even more dangerous when you were running the bloodiest borough in New York. And that meant it was dangerous for Race, too, but...

This did explain why he’d been spending so much time over here.

The three of them had already been standing in silence way too long when Race sighed, moving in front of Spot and making eye contact with Jack.

“I’m almost 16, Jack,” he said firmly, “I can do what I want and I don’t care if ya don’t approve. So if you’s got a problem with—“

“No,” Jack said quickly, “No, I... can we head back to Manhattan? Talk on the way?”

Spot tensed up, and the look he and Race exchanged was clearly a question and reassurance. A ‘do you want me to fight for you?’ and ‘no, I can handle this.’

Jack knew those kinds of looks because he’d exchanged similar ones with Davey plenty of times, even before they got together officially.

It was weird to think that if Race had started staying out late because of this, that meant he’d had a fella longer than Jack had, but that was something to have a crisis over another day.

When he turned back to Jack, he nodded, squeezing Spot’s hand before walking over, leading the way back towards home.

They didn’t start talking until they were on the bridge.

“How long?”

Race shrugged, not meeting Jack’s eyes, “A couple months before the strike, we’s had a fight that ended in us makin’ out. So... dependin’ on how ya look at it, since then?”

“What do ya mean, ‘dependin’ on how ya look at it?’”

“Well, at first, it was just physical. Y’know, makin’ out and not talkin’ about it? Then we finally had a real talk right after the strike and got on the same page ‘bout what we wanted and now it’s... more than that.”

As weird as it was to think about, Jack could tell by his tone what he meant by ‘more than that.’

It hurt that Race hadn’t told him, and more that he and Spot were putting themselves in danger just by being together, but...

“You love him, don’t ya?” he asked slowly.

Race tensed up for a second, then stopped walking, leaning against the edge of the bridge and staring out at the water.

“What’d ya say if I did?”

Jack hated the traces of fear the younger boy was trying to hide. He never wanted to make one of his feel that way.

Sure, he didn’t like the idea of Race being in danger, or of anyone being in a position to hurt him, but he and Spot were... well, now that Jack was thinking about it, they made sense in an abstract kind of way. Race could destroy someone in a battle of wits as fast as Spot could in a physical fight. They were both tough and both leaders, though in different ways. Spot hadn’t joined the strike right away out of concern for Brooklyn’s kids. Race had helped start it out of concern for Manhattan’s.

Jack had to admit, even if no one could know about them, they were a hell of a power couple.

“He treats ya right, yeah?” he asked quietly, “And you’s bein’ careful—not gettin’ caught?”

Race nodded, “Yeah, of course. Hotshot knows—Brooklyn’s second—he covers for us if needed. And Spot’d never hurt me. Even when we was just friends, let alone now.”

“Albert knows, too, don’t he?”

“Uh...yeah. And Romeo figured out I was sweet on someone and wouldn’t leave me alone until I told him who it was, so he knows. And Kath walked in on us once.”

Aside from the fact that Jack could not believe Katherine didn’t tell him...

“Maybe you’s shouldn’t make out where people can walk in on ya.”

Race laughed, “That might be smart.”

He got serious again a little too quickly to be as fine as he was pretending be. Jack walking in on them before he was ready to tell had clearly shaken him.

Jack now felt pretty stupid for following him over here. He should‘ve listened to Davey.

“I thought you was thinkin’ about switchin’ boroughs.”

“What? No,” Race said quickly, a little too defensively, “Manhattan’s my home. My family. I wouldn’t just leave. I’m supposed to take over someday—with Crutchie, I mean. I’d never just abandon that.”

“I know,” Jack said, trying to reassure him, “I didn’t think it was you runnin’ from responsibility. I know you’re stronger than me, Racer. I thought... I thought it was cause... cause of me. Cause I let ya down in the strike.”

“Jack...”

He seemed to be struggling for words, but every second where he didn’t say anything made Jack feel worse.

“It was scary,” he admitted finally, “Yeah. I was runnin’ Manhattan alone all sudden-like and that was scary. I didn’t even have Crutchie, and Davey was tryin’ to help but he didn’t know what he was doing. It wasn’t like you always told me it’d be like when I ended up in command and I didn’t understand why—you always seemed like the one who’d stand by the rest of us no matter what. You promised you wouldn’t just leave with no warnin’.”

Jack felt terrible for that. He knew, firsthand, how hard it was having to take a command he never asked for with no warning. He’d had to take over the borough when he was 14, after his mentor died.

He’d never wanted that for Race or Crutchie. He’d always told himself that if he ever actually went to Santa Fe, he wouldn’t leave them hanging like that. He’d give them at least a couple weeks to prepare, ideally transition authority gradually so he could be sure they were ready and they’d be able to take care of the others.

Jack took a deep breath, “I’m so sorry, Racer.”

“There was about to be a ‘but.’”

“Oh. Okay. Go ahead.”

“But,” Race said, “Jack, yeah, you scared me, but... ya told me that night. You did it for Davey. Why’d ya think I actually got the others to help?”

“Cause you knew we needed to win the strike quick before we all starved?” Jack asked, “And Kath’s article was the best chance?”

He shook his head, “No. It was cause blood be damned, you’re my big brother. You’s been there protectin’ me and Crutchie and the others since we was Littles. I already wanted to believe ya had a good reason. I didn’t trust you a ton just then, but I wanted to. And once you explained... I got it. I get it. Cause I’d do the same thing for Spot if I had to.”

By implying that what he and Spot had was like what Jack and Davey had...

Race knew how hard it was for Jack to let down his guard. So he knew what a big deal it was that he did with Davey. He knew they had a connection even beyond the connection Jack had with any of the others.

Jack was glad he’d found that. Someone he could understand and connect with. Even if the idea of it kind of made him uncomfortable.

“I know Spot and me don’t always get along,” he admitted, “But I trust your judgement and I know you can take care of yourself, so... I’m happy for ya, Racer.”

Race smiled a little, “Thanks.”

“Plus,” Jack bumped him gently as they started walking again, “I saw the way he looks at ya. Most people would kill to have someone they love look at them like that.”

“You mean like how Davey looks at you?” Race asked cheekily, bumping him back.

Jack smiled, mostly to himself. Davey was going to enjoy saying ‘I told you so’ when Jack told him he was right that he shouldn’t have worried.

...wait. Davey had seemed 100% sure that Race was fine. And he knew how dumb the younger boy could be, so it was unlikely it was because he trusted Race’s judgement.

“Wait, does Davey know?”

“Uh...” Race laughed awkwardly, “He mighta caught me sneakin’ back into the Lodgin’ House a couple weeks ago. And he gave me that look—y’know the one—where he looks all disappointed? He asked where I was and I panicked and said I was with Spot, so... I didn’t exactly tell him, but he probably guessed?”

“Yeah, cause he ain’t a dumbass.”

It was a little surprising that he hadn’t told Jack even if it was just a guess, but...

“I asked him not to tell ya,” Race admitted, “Or Crutchie. Cause I didn’t know how you’d react. That probably... also clued him in.”

“Oh, Crutchie’s gonna wanna scare the shit out of Spottie boy when he finds out.”

Race laughed kind of nervously, the smile fading from his face pretty quick.

“I ain’t gonna tell him if you don’t want me to,” Jack added quickly, “And he’ll be fine with it when he does find out. He knows you’s can take care of yourself, same as me. He’ll still wanna give Spot a shovel talk, though. Matter of fact, so do I.”

“Well, I knows Spot can handle a shovel talk.”

He was still hesitating, and Jack was tempted to ask what he was so afraid to say.

They were almost back to the Lodging House by the time he did.

“You’s really okay with this?” he asked, “Me and Spot? You ain’t gonna freak out?”

Jack threw an arm around his little brother, “Race, long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”

[carbo-ships]

Age Talk

CW: age gap

I wrote this a looooong time ago but it doesn't really have a proper place in the narrative and it's just Carly and Soldagand addressing the elephant in the room so imma just post the whole thing under a read more, chuck it in the bonus section, and move along lmao.

[Soldagand x Carly Masterlist]

“Sol?” Carly and Soldagand were sitting in his den. Sol was sprawled on the couch while Carly was curled up in a chair near the fire.

“Mmm?”

“Hold old are you, again?” she asked.

He chuckled. “Old.”

“I know, but...” It was clear she wanted a real answer.

“This is my 417th winter,” he admitted.

“Right, right,” she nodded. “What’s, um, what’s that in human years?”

“It doesn’t quite work that way,” he said, slightly amused. It was a question he’d heard many times before. “But why do you ask?” He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

She shrugged, averting her gaze.

He sighed. “Does it make you a lil uncomfortable that I’m so much older than you?”

“No, I— Yes? Maybe? I don’t know,” she stuttered anxiously.

He offered her a sympathetic smile. “Well, let’s talk about it, shall we? D’you wanna sit on my lap?”

She nodded and stood from her seat to curl up with him. He wrapped his arms around her to keep her warm as she made herself comfortable on his lap.

“Alright, so—I’m 395 years older than you,” he stated bluntly. “This doesn’t inherently mean much because I’m not human, but I know me not bein’ human complicates things even more.”

She nodded in agreement.

“So... Why don’t you tell me what’s goin’ through your head.”

She took a deep breath. “I mean, I... I always feel like you know so much more than I do. You try to explain fae stuff to me, and I never get it. Sometimes I feel like I just can’t keep up with you.”

“How much of that’s my age, and how much of that’s me bein’ a dryad?” he asked.

”I... I don’t really know.”

“M’kay, well....” he mumbled, tossing thoughts around in his mind. He knew this conversation might happen someday, but he hadn’t prepared for it quite as well as he felt he should have.

“I’m sorry...”

“No, don’t apologize. I don’t expect you to have all the answers. This is a conversation, dewdrop, not an interrogation.”

He shifted her on his lap to pull her closer and did his best to hide his nerves.

“Well, I know that when it comes to humans, y’all get a lil nervous when you see a young woman with an older fella because he’s got a lot more life experience. Maybe a lil more mature, he’s got more resources. Lil lady might rely on him a lot. You know I’d never treat you rotten, but I’ll admit that, well, that does sound a whole lot like you and me. I mean, I’ve been around a lot longer than ya, I’ve got a whole other world I’m part of, got ya eatin’ at my table, sleepin’ in my bed...” He cleared his throat nervously. “So I guess I understand why you asked. And I realize I probably should’ve brought this up with ya sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“It’s alright,” she mumbled, shaking her head.

“Do you feel like I baby you too much? I don’t wanna be too patronizing, but I wanna take care of you, doll.”

He saw her blush. “I mean, sometimes, but I don’t mind too much.”

Soldagand grinned. “Alright, well, you just let me know if I’m ever layin’ it on a lil too heavy. I... I love you. So much, honey. I know I’m not the best at sayin’ it outright quite as often as I oughta, but I do.”

She gave him a bashful smile and he kissed her forehead.

“And while I’m not thrilled with the notion of Ani knowin’ intimate details about what goes on in this tree, I want you to rat me out if I ever stop treatin’ you right, okay? I mean, of course I’d rather you just talk to me about whatever it is, but, y’know. I— I don’t mean to scare ya or nothin’, it’s just that... If you’re not happy, I don’t want you keepin’ that to yourself just for my sake.”

She nodded. “I understand. But, um... What about you?”

Sol cocked his head slightly. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m 395 years younger than you. How do you feel about that?” she stuttered awkwardly.

He chuckled. “Well, I’ll admit, I was a lil hesitant at first—for your sake. Kept runnin’ to Ani for advice, but he kept tellin’ me how big of a crush you had on me and that I oughta just cut the crap and shoot my shot. It’s not somethin’ I think about too much anymore. I mean, this works. And that’s all that matters to me. I just need you to keep tellin’ me what’s on your mind. There’s a lot about humans I don’t understand yet, and a lot about you I’d still like to know. That sound alright?”

“Mmhm,” she nodded.

“Good. There anything else you feel like we should talk about, while we’re at it?”

”That’s it for me. What about you?”

“Well, I’ve kinda got one thing,” he admitted awkwardly. “Are, uh... Are you still attracted to me?”

She gave him a blank stare of confusion. “... Huh?”

“I mean, I... You’re twenty-two, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And if I were human, how old would you think I am? Just by lookin’ at me?”

“Um... About thirty?” she mumbled. “Maybe thirty-five?”

He felt his cheeks heat up. “You see what I’m sayin’? I look like I’ve got ten years on ya.”

Now it was her turn to blush. “W-Well, I, um... Yes, I’m very, very attracted to you, Soldagand.”

He gave her a small smile. “You don’t mind bein’ curled up next to this old man?”

“C’mon,” she huffed, “you know I think you’re handsome.”

“I know, I know. I just need to hear it from ya every so often.”

She frowned. “It baffles me that you could have any insecurities about your looks.”

“Hon,” he sighed, “when you’re friends with someone who looks like Aniketos, it happens.”

”I mean, Ani’s cute and all, but you’re in a league of your own.” She usually tried not to sound quite so infatuated, but she couldn’t help it.

He chuckled and averted his gaze in embarrassment. “You’re just sayin’ that. But thank you.” He kissed her cheek and held her tighter against his chest. “Should we go sit a lil closer to the fire? I know you like bein’ warm.”

“Won’t you be too hot, though?”

“I’ll be fine. Besides, according to you, I’m already too hot.” He flashed her a smug grin and a wink, making her face turn burgundy. Laughing to himself, he adjusted his hold on the girl and stood up with her in his arms to make his way to the hearth. There they stayed until it was time for bed, basking in the warm glow of the fire and enjoying each other’s quiet company.

[shaekingshitup]

Shae’s First Date

For anyone who is bored: the most brief (that I can recap because ya girl is a lengthy heaux) summary of my first date goes as follows:

EDIT: THIS SHIT AIN'T BRIEF. SORRY NOT SORRY 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️ But I put a TLDR at the end.

I matched with a guy on Bumble who had some cool hobbies and some of which overlapped with mine. We talked daily for almost 2 weeks before we met up in person and the guy was a very big charmer/woo-er. Like if I was messaging this kid I was constantly laughing and smiling

Tbh this was a lil bit of a red flag to me becauae I'm like: "no one is this charming. Something has gotta be up" & I legit came up with a few different scenarios. But I chose to shelf them because people do that to me all the time.

Like I'm just a really loving person and I will gas people up or go out of my way to make them happy if I can and people always want to try me like that can't truly be how/who I am or if I'm doing it it's because I'm trying to get at that person and they are always wrong. All the way from best friends to new acquaintances I really just like when people are happy. I mean the world's shitty already, if I can make your day easier or put smile on your face I'm game!

So we're on the phone one night (stayed up to 3 am sacrificing my sleep talking to this dude 🙄) talking more about who we are as people, what we're looking for in an ideal partner, etc. I told him straight up both via call and via message that honesty is really important to me. I value honesty with myself and also with others.

So also in this late night call things got a lil spicy 🌶 🌶 I was honest and told him that I'm pretty much a blank slate. Never fucked/sucked, etc or had anything like that done to me. He was taken aback like everyone I share this with is. Apparently I'm some sort of unicorn 🦄 out here in these streets to all y'all hoes. He makes a comment about stealing a kiss from me the next night and I said "I might allow it."

But the point is. I told him what it was. I was honest. That's my truth.

I didn't tell him that I'd never been on a date/kissed anyone because he didn't ask. Maybe if I would've said something, things would've been different. But I can't "what if" what's already happened y'all!

SO, day of. We messagin and snapping. I'm allll ready. We're going to a drive in and I'd never been to one before so I'm excited. I'm also just committed to making this a good time because I easily get distracted and often don't stop to take my experiences in to experience them fully. So I said not today!!

I got snacks. All of his favs and some of mine. I brought drinks and a blanket. I looked good.

Like I said in my pre-date post: I didn't have any lofty ideas about this dude being my soul mate or anything but I anticipated a good time.

He picked me up at our designated location. My sister met him and got his license plate; because apparently I had enough sense to realize I didn't know this nigga but not enough sense to later realize I didn't know this nigga.

It wasn't gonna take as long to get to the drive in as originally anticipated. So we went to a local park and sat in the car and talked because the park was PACKED and ya know RONA!

It was somewhat awkward because it was our first time talking face to face. But we found a groove and I'm extroverted af y'all. So, I can get people to have a conversation.

Topics range from our days, music and conspiracy theories which he's really into. What kind? Like: Shakespeare wrote the Bible is one. A lot of people that we know from media aren't really the original ones that we were introduced to is another. Ya know like that Beyoncé is not the real Beyoncé. There's two Trumps. There's two Hilary Clintons etc.

So at this point sensible me is like: this can be the point where you go home girl. You're 5 minutes away from your place. You can just say this ain't workin and cut it short.

OPTIMISTIC/BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT GIVIN/NAIVE SILLY ME IS LIKE: well, I 100% don't agree with anything you're saying just because you're saying it. But ya know, I don't know everything and I'm not in the business of judging people-especially since we just met and I don't want this human to feel uncomfortable. So, okay. I don't agree. But I won't judge. Let's just continue on.

If you haven't guessed by now which me I listened to, you may be just as silly as I am 🙃🙃🙃

But obviously I continued on and that's what I call mistake #1

So we're driving to the drive in. I'm realizing we're kind of different in ways. Most notable is that dude was raised Jehovah's Witnesses and celebrates 0 holidays & I'm in love with Halloween and at least birthdays.

We miss the drive in entrance due to my poor navi skills & he decides to smoke before we pull in. He offers it to me and I accept. This is mistake #2

Ya girl hasn't smoked in 6 years. I tried edibles recently. But that shit ain't the same. I really just feel like I said I wanted to be present and then I smoked and I was tired and everything was kind of dull?

So I'm high and sleepy but still a lil excited because it's my first drive in!! We get there and park and the drive in is really just a giant protection screen we all park in front of. Lmao. 😅 Idk what I was expectin but not that. But it was still cool. It's 10 and this movie still hasn't started because the last one is still showin credits.

Dude says he wants to chill in the back but he's going to the bathroom. I AM SLEEPY. THAT IS WHAT WEED DOES TO ME. Plus I was on the phone til 3 AM. So I'm like imma close my eyes before this thing starts since it's already late.

So while he goes to the bathroom I legit laid down in the back on a pillow because ya girl is a sleepy heaux 😴

He comes back and pits the pillow in his lap and is talking to me because this movie ain't started yet. My eyes are closed but I'm listening and everything and he's massaging my shoulders and whatnot. Eventually advertisements about common courtesy come on and what not. But that's not important and I don't move.

Soo he says something I'M ASSUMING IT WAS ABOUT THE KISS (I don't remember y'all. I'm about to skimp on some of these details because that high was really kickin in and I was feelin foggy.) But, I said "I would allow it." And he kissed me.

It honestly felt anticlimactic as fuck. Yeah my mind is kind of foggy because of the weed so I feel like I wasn't as fully cognizant as I would have been if I was sober minded. But also, it just happened

I'm in my head af. I've never done this and I'm sure I'm shit at it but I'm trying not to be ya know? Dude's tongue is in my mouth. His hand is under my romper.

So, I'm a roll with the punches kind of human and the rest of the film we pretty much are making out (lowkey meh), groping (I hate this word) & watching Deadpool ( for people who needed that detail)

As previously stated, all of this shit is new to me. But, I'm also not a "prude". I chose not to kiss/fuck anyone prior to this because it was what I wanted for a period of time. I couldn't do much in the date department because I was just not approached often or by people I wanted to entertain. But the opportunities for all that physical shit were presented and I chose not to just like I chose to engage in those activities on this date. I'm real big on not judging nor regretting those choices because those were what I wanted at one point and that's it. Soo if you got opinions about what I was out here doin, keep em to yaself.

We ended up making out and I feel like it was cool.. but just not great. We did other shit minus actual fucking. But it all just felt pretty muted to me. Not bad. Not uncomfortable. Just not great and I think in hindsight it was because I a) really didn't know and have an established connection with this dude and b) I was high.

He really wanted me to suck his dick and I was really hesitant to do that. Not even that much because I was checking off a lot of "firsts' or anything like that but because I swore I was gonna be shit at it due to 0 experience and that was what I told him. Like, I wanna be good at shit and also I would like if the person I was hooking up with was actually enjoying being with me ya know? Is that not a thing? Y'all just be out here tryna get ya nut and say fuck it to whomever you with? Lemme be a unicorn then. 🦄

But anyways, I did this and he says like nothing. I'm in my head af trying to recall upon all of my BP smut I've read and trying not to suck at sucking (SO THANKS TO ALL OF Y'ALL WHO BE WRITING SMUT!!). After a few minutes the car turns off and Ryan Reynold's ain't talking anymore. Sooo I take this as a sign that I should stop and tell him as much.

He turns the car back on so we can still hear the movie & I'm pretty much like half watching the movie and talking to him like: "Soooo. I did that and I feel like I was right." To which he responds, "I've had worse," which is like ya know the compliment of the century and the most reassuring feedback you can give someone who is insecure about shit they've never done.

We still ended up making out and I gave him a handjob and finished the movie. I can't recall if it was at this point or when he drove me home but he basically implied that I was a liar and that is the shit that literally makes me wanna go back in time and tell former me to never say yes to a date with this nigga.

He drove me home and I was pretty quiet listening to Ari Lennox (💕) and thinking/processing. He gets to my place and we're talking now that we're parked and tells me that he thought I probably wasn't right about never having sex before. He told me I probably just had sex like 3 years ago and it had been so long that's why I said that and that's why my pussy is so tight.

So, I'm real life hurt. I like to consider myself to be someone who has a good character and I am really big on honesty.

So I asked him why he said that if I told him from jump what it was. He told me that his ex lied a lot and that he just couldn't believe me..

And I know for certain that his assumption was independent of any of my actions. He literally just told me so. He projected his insecurities onto me. But I'm a sensitive ass heaux and that shit still shook me. PBS raised me right. I don't be out here lyin & I don't like when people try to tell me who tf I am.

We pretty much just ended up arguing about the night and he was doing it on purpose because he thinks it's sexy when women are mad. But when I get mad, I get done. If I let enough shit slide and you have the audacity to try and flip my script, I will fucking write you out of it.

Then I looked up at the time and realized I was sitting in this car arguing with nigga for at least 25 minutes. So I was just like: bitch, why are you still here?

I told him straight up that when I got out of that car he could forget about talking to me altogether and he was like: "I'll let you know when I make it home."

I told him he need not bother because apparently I'd finally gained some damn sense. I exited the car. He left. He hit me up when he made it home but I just deleted the app and removed him off of snap because I meant that shit.

TLDR; Went on my first date with a conspiracy theorist I matched with on Bumble and he told me I lied about my lack of sexual history.

[bleusarcellewrites]

Glowing

Hello!! I read this post made by @softklanceday and couldn’t help myself on writing a small drabbled for it. 

It was fun and it’s such an amazing and cute concept!Thank your for letting me write this! Read more under the cut.

Disclaimer: Voltron doesn’t belong to me.

Hunk’s fingernails had glowed a deep bright orange, somehow resembling the sunset itself, and it wasn’t long before he found Shay, whose eyelids would glow the same color as his nails in the dark.

Soulmates. His best friend had found his soulmate and Lance had hoped that maybe soon would be his turn.

Two years later and Lance thinks the universe has horrible timing.

Lance purses his lips in concentration, fingers tracing his cheeks slowly, as if studying them. His freckles have never been that visible on the day, except maybe after an entire afternoon at his hometown’s beach, but that had only changed recently.

He found them during one of his beauty regimens, a late one for that matter because the weekly hang out with the gang had ended a little too late but none of them had really complained. Lance definitely didn’t, especially when Keith’s sleepy form had lean against him, face buried on his shoulder before Shiro called it a night and saved Lance’s heart from exploding.

Once back in his dorm room, Lance had been on the middle of applying his green goo face mask on his forehead when the lights had gone out. He’d been a second away from screaming out in annoyance when something caught his attention from the corner of his eye.

Small purple dots glowed back at him through the mirror and Lance remembers gasping so loud that Hunk had come running, a small candle in hand as he looked around the bathroom for any possible danger.

Glowing purple freckles. Lance got freckles as his signature for his soulmate link and they were purple.

Not just any purple! It had been such a rich purple, reminding Lance of a particular nebulae seen in his astronomy class, earlier in the semester. Talking about aesthetic, hell yeah.

The power didn’t come back until next morning but Lance barely noticed. He spent the entire night staring at a mirror. Professor Coran hadn’t been that amused during the class next day when Lance slept through half of the session.

The only downside, though, is that he has no clue on who his soulmate is. It’s been two weeks and he has yet to met anyone with the same color as his freckles.

It’s a fact that he knows them, he must know them because then the link wouldn’t have triggered, but who? The barista at BOM’s Cafe? The librarian where they go to study twice a week? It could be literally anyone.

God, he hopes it’s Keith.

The thought makes him pause for a second before he groans and hides his face in his hands. He really shouldn’t think of someone else when his soulmate might be out there, glowing the same shade as he is, but it’s so hard to remember that whenever Keith’s eyes are on his or when Keith’s touch makes him giddy and happy.

Lance tries to be reasonable, that anything is possible, but every time they hang out and he sees no glowing skin on Keith’s body, his small spark of hope gets dimmer.

“Lance? You there?” Keith’s voice appears out of the sudden, followed by two quick knocks on the door, and Lance’s heart skips a beat without his consent.

Rude, heart.

“Yeah, I’m here, what up?” Lance answers a few seconds later, pushing himself back from the mirror to look at the door.

“Everyone’s asking for you, we are about to start the movie.” Keith says, slowly opening the door and meeting Lance’s gaze, “Come on, Slowpoke, Pidge is this close to flee to the lab if we don’t arrive soon.”

Lance laughs, shaking his head in amusement as he rolls his eyes. “Cheese, that girl needs to learn that being surrounded by robots is not really ‘socializing’.”

“I don’t know, Rover has amazing topics to talk about.” Keith shrugs, a small grin in place before frowning when Lance pokes his forehead, his glasses sliding down at the move.

“Of course you would think so, Mr. Mothman Is Out There.”

Keith scoffs, glaring up at the brunet as he pushes his glasses back up. “He is out there.”

“Sure, sure.” Lance gives in, raising his arms in mock surrender as he exits the bathroom, “How are the new glasses, by the way? Good?”

Keith nods, following him out of dorm quietly. “Yeah, my headaches are starting to lessen, so I guess it was true that staying up with your laptop screen in the dark was not good for the eyesight, huh?”

“Ya think so?”

Keith punches his arm in annoyance but there’s a small playful grin on his lips and Lance calls it a win.They make it to the common room without any casualties and of course, their friends also notices that fact.

“Hey, look at that! Keith managed to get Lance without killing him on the way.” Shiro cheers, cackling when Keith throws a cushion at him, provided by Matt.

“Oh, come on, we haven’t tried to killed each other since, I don’t know? A year?” Lance says, rolling his eyes at the words.

“I wonder why.” Hunk giggles behind his palm, doing absolutely not a good job on hiding his mischievous grin, wiggling his eyebrows at Lance in a manner that tells the brunet that Hunk knows way too much for his own good.

Shiro is next to pass the cushion to Lance, who nods in thanks before hitting Hunk on the face with it.

“Ow! Man down!”

Matt clicks his tongue then, crossing his arms over his chest in annoyance. “It’s so unfair, though? Like, I always hear about these epic wild competitions between these two nerds back then they were rivals and it was before I was part of the group!”

“Hey, you were the one who wanted to go study an entire year in Germany, remember?” Pidge says, raising one finger up in accusation, shaking it near her brother’s face.

Matt scoffs and waves if off. “Well yeah, but I didn’t know I was going to miss all the fun? Now, all I get to see between these two nerds it’s awkward pini -”

The cushion that collides with Matt face don’t allows him to finish that sentence.

“Awkward pine trees.” Keith says, clapping his hands nervously and shifting on his seat innocently, as if he hadn't just thrown like a missile the cushion at Matt two seconds ago, “Man, I hate those pine trees too.”

Lance arches an eyebrow. “What?”

“Awful save.” Shiro deadpans, and Lance can’t even repeat his own question because really what the fuck before Allura makes herself present, a bunch of paper bags and empty bowls hanging from her hands.

“Alright, you beasts! Food is here and so is your queen!” Allura shouts, big grin on her face as she drops the bags on the couch, next to Lance.

Lance looks up to meet her eyes before he frowns. “You are not Beyonce.”

“Imma punch you, Lance, and when you get the concussion, maybe then I will be Beyonce.”

“Touché.”

Allura laughs, mouth opening to continue before she catches sight of Keith on the other side of the room and she scowls.

“Oh, Lord, you actually bought the transition ones?” Allura sighs, shaking her head like a disappointed mother before scoffing in mock exasperation when Keith only shrugs.

“What? It’s like sunglasses and ‘seeing’ glasses all in one.” Keith says nonchalantly, smiling back at Allura innocently.

Allura doesn’t look impressed but she let’s it go, waving him off as she takes seat on the ground. “If you say so, Hipster Wannabe.”

“Rude.”

“I think they suit him!” Matt chimes in, throwing himself on top of Allura from behind, his chin on her shoulder, “Besides, his eyes get this cool mysterious navy blue tone behind the dark lenses, ya know?”

“My eyes are just blue, asshole.” Keith laughs, kicking Matt on the hip as he sits on the couch behind him.

Hunk hums, shaking his head as he flops himself on the floor next to Pidge. “Nah, they are like, a deep shiny blue, close to grey, maybe?”

“Wanna bet?” Shiro mumbles under his breath and yelps when the cushion collides with the back of his head, “Ow? Keith, dude!”

“People, people, yes, Keith has eyes are blue or something; can we please watch the movie, now?” Pidge whines, raising her arms to the air as she lays on the floor, a blanket poorly wrapped around her frame.

“Yeah! Come on, I want some action and some pow, pow, pow!” Lance says excitedly, throwing himself to the couch next to Keith, all while ignoring the way his heart flutters in excitement when his arm brushes against Keith’s.

“What are those?” Keith asks, arching an confused eyebrow, and four pairs of eyes light up at the words.

“We are not having this discussion again!” Allura cuts in abruptly, waving her hands at all four Shiro, Lance, Hunk, and Pidge, who purse their lips in defeat, “Just please play the movie, Shiro.”

“Aye, aye, Princess.”

“See? That’s what I’m talking about! I’m never here for the good embarrasing inside jokes!”

“Germany, Matt!”

Friendship with Keith didn’t start at the beginning. It took Lance almost a year to admit that he was considered as a friend and two more months to admit that actually no, he’s a crush and a guy Lance’s pretty much in love with.

It started slow. It started with movie nights with the gang and surprised laughs after some particular shenanigans. It grew with study session and moments of vulnerability, where Keith would confess that he’s afraid of letting his adopted parents down at college, of being left behind for not being good enough and be alone again, like in the beginning with no family and no purpose.

It developed and formed over drunken nights, between uncontrollable giggles before they turned into sobs as Lance poured out every single insecurity inside him, letting himself for once be held in Keith’s arms as the other teen comforts him with a soft voice he had never used with Lance before.

It got stronger after every fight and argument, when behind angry words was raw concern and worry. It settled down after quiet apologies and steady fist pumps, sealing a bond they didn’t realized it was there.

Lance doesn’t know how, when or why he fell for Keith, but he guesses it was somewhere within those times. His freckles might glow a color that won’t match Keith, but Lance can’t seem himself to regret any of it.

The common room is silent, except for Hunk’s snores and Matt’s whining when Shiro’s feet accidentally kick him on the ribs in his sleep. Lance blinks then, the movie credits blurry before he rubs his eyes slowly.

The screen turns black, the background music of the movie finally fading out and leaving Lance to focus on the heavy but warm weight on his right side. He turns his head slightly, eyes focusing on Keith’s face as he breaths slowly near Lance’s shoulder.

Lance smiles, soft and fond, before he carefully grabs Keith’s glasses that are hanging too low on his nose and takes them off, holding his breath in hopes not to disturb the sleeping teen and then sighing in relief when all Keith does is to frown unconsciously, burying his face closer to the couch.

Lance stares then, himself shifting on his seat, half laying on his side, facing Keith. This is what he wants. This is who he wants and Lance is more than okay if Keith doesn’t glow with him, Lance knows that now, because he would rather have Keith by his side than anyone else.

“Wha ‘ime ish it?” Keith mumbles quietly, words muffled against the couch’s surface and Lance’s eyes widen in surprise while Keith’s stay closed.

“You’re awake?” Lance asks softly, leaning closer to Keith’s face.

“Yeah, you’re thinkin’ too loud.” Keith murmurs tiredly and Lance huff, “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing, just - ya know, thinking how ugly your hair is.”

“Oh, yeah?” Keith chuckles, making a face as he stretches on the spot and then slowly blinks his eyes open. “You’re one to talk, have you seen your bed hair? Wild as fuck.”

Lance’s mouth open to answer with his own witty comeback but then forgets how to breathe when he meets Keith’s eyes.

“Lan -? Oh.” Keith gasps, two big and wide eyes glowing brightly purple back at Lance’s blue ones, moving from one side of his face to the other one, “Wha - You? Your freckles, Lance, your color -”

“Our color.” Lance breaths out, a small excited smile twitching in the corner of his mouth, “Our - Keith, Keith, we got a color.”

“I got you.” Keith says instead, smile beaming as he pushes himself forward into Lance’s space, “Dude, oh my god, I didn’t - I thought - !”

“When? How?” Lance asks, wincing when someone of their friends below them grumble in annoyance. He lowers his voice, “Keith, when did you get those anime eyes? You look like a main character from an old anime.”

“Those ‘Main Anime Character’s eyes’ are our soul link, you asshat.” Keith huffs, rolling his eyes mockingly, “A few weeks ago, a day before my eyesight exam -”

“Oh, you ass, you bought the transition ones to cover the glow?” Lance hisses, mouth wide open in offense when Keith smiles sheepishly, “Keith!”

“Hey, hey, now! I just - I got them a few weeks ago, right after we went to the movies, you know when Pidge ‘accidentally’ dropped her soda on the guy on the phone on the row below us?” Lance nods quickly and Keith continues, “Yeah, well, that night I came home and I dunno what did it, but one moment I was thinking about you and the lame joke you had said earlier and the next thing I know Shiro’s screaming bloody murder and throwing shit at me -”

“What the - ?”

“To be fair, all he saw in the darkness were like these two big glowly circles in the middle of our dorm room, I would freak too.” Keith says, shrugging his shoulders and smiling when Lance laughs.

“Oh my god, Keith.” Lance shakes his head in disbelief, “Why didn’t you tell us, though? Why didn’t - Didn't you want to find your soulmate? Before you knew it was me, didn’t you want -”

“But I didn’t want my soulmate,” Keith cuts in, desperately and hurried, “I wanted - I want you, Lance.”

Lance’s world stops.

“I didn’t want anyone else if they weren’t you, because I want you. I want your lame jokes, your loud greetings, your smiles and your laugh.” Keith offers a small shy smile, quickly wetting his lips before he takes a deep breath and continues, “I just want you, for who you are; as Lance and my best friend.”

“Keith,” Lance says quietly, voice wet and wobbly but Keith doesn’t let him finish.

“That’s all I ever wanted, I just never thought I could have this - you.” Keith whispers and Lance’s soul exits his body.

“You can have me,” Lance mumbles, biting down his lower lip in a weak attempt to control his the growing happy smile on his mouth, “But only if I can have you too.”

It takes Keith a few seconds before he beams back at him.

Keith smiles, soft and happy, hand raising slowly until it rest against Lance’s cheek, thumb caressing the surface of his skin, tracing each and every single freckles on display. Lance could honestly close his eyes, to enjoy the sensation of Keith’s fingers on his skin, the warm and tingle they leave behind as they move across his face but then he wouldn't see those two orbs staring right at him.

Keith looks at him as if he was a nebulae itself, with such awe and tenderness that Lance’s sure his heart will explode any minute now.

But it doesn’t, and Lance allows himself to melt under Keith’s touch and lose himself in Keith’s eyes, enjoying to see their soul link, their color, for once outside the mirror.

Then Keith’s eyes shift, looking down for half a second but it’s enough for Lance to know his intentions.

“You got yourself a deal, then.”

Lance seals it by closing the reminding distance between them.