#so now he just floats around the wild side of my ranch :(

[willowreadsgayfanfiction]

Just started the first game's post game, and this post has inspired me to adopt my own tarr, whom I'll call asphalt :>

please meet my beautiful delightful wonderful son, oil spill

he is very friendly and well trained and does not bite

he loves to play

[sapphire11]

Putting the truth before the lies

Pride Week Day 2 - Coming Out

Summary: Carlos and his closest sister Josefina share each other’s secrets. They’ve been each other’s secret keepers since as long as Carlos could talk, but Carlos isn’t sure if he should share this latest secret. He wants to. He really, really wants to, but he’s worried about upsetting the delicate balance that exists within their family.

The coming out journey of Carlos Reyes to his four older sisters or 3 times Carlos came out to one of his sisters and 1 time he didn't have to (3 +1)

Notes: I absolutely head cannon that Carlos has older sisters and I have been wanting to write them for so long. My head cannon ages for them at the beginning of this story: Carlos 16, Josefina 17, Luciana 21, Isabela 23, Rosa Maria 26

content warning: accident outing

Read on ao3 here or below the cut

Putting the truth before the lies

1. Josefina

Carlos and his closest sister Josefina share each other’s secrets. They’ve been each other’s secret keepers since as long as Carlos could talk, but Carlos isn’t sure if he should share this latest secret. He wants to. He really, really wants to, but he’s worried about upsetting the delicate balance that exists within their family.

It’s been a month since he accepted that he definitely likes boys and not girls. It’s been longer since he had the feelings, but self acceptance isn’t something that’s always come easy for him; less so when it goes against everything he’s heard for his whole life. Now that he’s accepted that what he feels isn’t wrong and it’s just who he is, he really wants someone to share it with. Fina is the obvious first choice, but she’s also a bit of a wild card. He’s sure that she’ll keep his secret. He is not sure that it won’t change things between them.

Carlos sits astride his horse at the side of the training ring. He’s watching his Dad, tío Bruno and their newest ranch hand, Reno, train a fiery colt they just brought to the ranch. From where he sits he can see Fina balanced on the fence across the arena staring unabashedly at their very good-looking ranch hand. He follows Fina's line of sight just in time to catch the ripple of muscles in Reno’s back as he adjusts his grip on his reins and shifts in his saddle. Carlos snaps his gaze away from the sight, because as much as he really wants to keep watching, he can't afford to get caught.

Instead Carlos makes sure to keep his gaze focused on his tío as he leads the horse. When he dares to look back across the ring towards Reno, he catches Fina staring at him, eyebrows pulled up with a curious expression on her face. Carlos ignores it in favor of turning his attention back to the training session. He’s never had much interest in taking over work on the ranch full-time, but he likes being involved with the family business. He likes even more the proud smile on his father’s face anytime he shows interest and the pleased hum his mother always gives when he comes in from a long day helping around the ranch.

Despite his enjoyment of watching the training session, Carlos is grateful when it ends and he is able to sneak away for a short ride to his favorite hiding spot by the pond. His solitude doesn't last as long as he would have like. Josefina finding him after the short time it likely took her to saddle her own horse. She ties her horse up next to Carlos’ and sinks to the soft grass beside him. The air is sticky with the Texas heat of mid-summer, but it’s late enough that the breeze blowing makes it comfortable for the siblings raised in this weather.

The soft bump of a shoulder into Carlos’, following it up with a playful flick to his ear catch his attention.

“What’s on your mind hermano?”

He hums quietly, looking out over the shimmering water that ripples lightly with wild movements of fish, frogs, and turtles contained within. “Do you think they’ll break the new Colt by the time they have to round up the cattle next month?”

Fina’s laugh, light and teasing, floats along the breeze, “we both know you weren’t thinking about the round-up. You hate being forced to go every year and would much rather stay home with Mami cooking.”

“Yeah it’s called AC during the late summer heat and chilaquiles for breakfast without having to fight for how much I want to eat.”

“Oh pssh, Mama makes enough for everyone and you spend more time out in this heat than anyone else.” Fina pauses and Carlos can feel the heat of her gaze assessing him. He shrugs in response, but doesn’t say anything else.

Fina nudges his shoulder again and he glances over in time to see her wiggle her eyebrows suggestively,  “Oooh I know, you just want to be home when Lola from next door comes over to bring Mama her family’s fresh vegetables in exchange for ours.”

“Ugh, no Fina, not you too, trying to set me up with a girl.” Carlos groans and then realizes his mistake in wording, but he hopes his sister will let it pass.

Of course she doesn’t.

“What’s so bad about girls Carlos?” She teases, but the way she says it, like she already knows, makes Carlos brave, or maybe he’s just sick of hiding from everyone.

“Nothing’s wrong with girls. I just don’t like them. At least not the way I like boys.”

A part of him wishes he could pull the words back in, but another part feels a weight lift off his shoulders even as the words hang in the air ready to crush him depending on Fina’s response.

“So maybe you were thinking about the round-up, maybe getting to ride next to a certain very cute ranch hand?”

There is no hesitation in her words, no sense that she is disgusted by what she is implying, and it takes Carlos by surprise. He blushes, because yes he had been thinking about that very thing while he watched Reno work today.

“Shut up Fina.” The words are weak, he doesn’t really mind her teasing after all and she knows it, because they don’t deter her in the slightest.

“Hey I don’t blame you, that boy has muscles, it should be illegal how good he looks astride a horse.”

Carlos feels the heat move up to his ears, “you really don’t care that I like boys?” His voice comes out quiet and shy, so unlike how he normally is with Fina.

He feels an arm wrap around his shoulder, and he’s pulled into his sister’s side. “Hermanito, of course I don’t care. Besides, I've known for a while. I was just waiting for you to tell me.” She reaches up to ruffle his messy curls playfully, “I’m a little hurt it took you this long.”

Shock is the only emotion Carlos thinks he feels in that moment.

“Wait, what do you mean you’ve known for a while?”

Fina shrugs, “I see you Carlos. I see the way you admire a cute boy, and how you never look twice at any of the girls Mama or our tías tease you about.” Fina pauses, and when she starts talking again her voice is soft, losing any playful edge, becoming serious in a way she rarely is, “I also see the way you try to hide it. How you fold in on yourself whenever Mama bugs you about finding a cute girl to date. How uncomfortable you were dancing with Lola at the end of the summer BBQ last year.”

Carlos looks at her sharply, suddenly worried that she’s not the only one that sees and that no one has said anything because they’re ashamed of him or hope it’s just a phase. He’s heard the way some of the older members of their family talk when it’s on the news and especially when Coahuila passed the Pacto Civil de Solidaridad earlier this year.

“Don’t look so worried Carlos, everyone else just thinks you are shy and embarrassed by all the attention. No one else sees you the way I do.”

The thought is both comforting and aggravating. He loves that Fina and him are so close and he’s glad to have someone in his family that really sees him, but he also feels like sometimes no one else cares enough to look. Maybe they only see in him what they want to see.

“Thank you for telling me.” Fina interrupts his thoughts. “I know it wasn’t easy for you.”

Then Carlos is being pulled into a full hug. His sister’s arms wrapping around his shoulders as she squeezes tightly. He sinks into the embrace, wrapping his arms around Fina’s waist and squeezing back. Feeling accepted for who he is for the first time in a long time. The moment lasts for several minutes, before Fina pulls away and discreetly wipes at wet cheeks.

“Oh shut up,” she exclaims as he smiles brightly at her.

The rest of that summer is the best time he can ever remember having. Fina teases him about staring at cute ranch hands and gossips with him about boys at school. She pulls the attention away from him anytime their mother or tías bother him about asking a girl to the summer BBQ. She even manages to help him avoid dancing with any girls he’s not related to at said BBQ that summer. The joy at finally having a confidant to share all these things with doesn’t fade and it helps him grow even more content with who he is and who he wants to be.

2. Luciana

He wasn’t ready for this. That’s why he’s been careful. All school year he kept his head down, answered his mother’s questions blandly about any girls he might like, and very occasionally allowed himself to admire cute boys from afar. He’d told himself that this summer was going to be different though. He wants to feel more comfortable in his own skin. He doesn’t want to hide a part of himself anymore, but that doesn’t mean he was ready.

“¡Hola Carlitos!”  

Carlos turns from where he was shoveling hay into the horses stalls to look towards the barn door. His sister Josefina is walking towards him with a mischievous look on her face, which he chooses to ignore as he goes back to finishing the stall he was working on.

“Hola Fina.”

Fina comes to stand in front of the stall wiggling her eyebrows at him when he turns and looks at her, “tu novio is here.”

“Fina!” Carlos scolds her, looking around the barn to make sure no one else is within earshot.

“Oh, don’t worry Carlos, there is no one here. I wouldn’t out you like that.”

Carlos ignores her for a minute, carefully putting his supplies away in their correct places. “He’s not my boyfriend Fina and can you please stop casually announcing to anyone within earshot that I like boys.” His voice is a little shaky as he comes down from the fear that someone would overhear his sister’s words.

“Perdóname.” Fina offers softly. “I promise I won’t out you, but for the thousandth time no one in our family is going to judge you. We all love you for who you are.”

“No one else knows who I am, not really anyway,” he laments, “and you heard what they were ranting about at Tía Lucy’s last Sunday.”

“You mean the drunk ramblings from tío that no one had the energy to interrupt.” Fina rolls her eyes. “Besides he’s not even blood, no one actually likes him.”

Carlos sighs, leaning back against the closest stall door, “He’s family Fina, besides, I don’t want to rock the boat yet. I’m fine.”

“Keep telling yourself that Carlitos,” Fina answers back sharply.

Silence heavy and uncomfortable falls over them. Carlos pushes off the stall and makes to walk out of the barn, but before he walks out the doors he turns to his sister, “I really am fine Fina.”

Josefina sighs and joins him in the doorway, bumping her hip into his and wrapping an arm around his waist, “I just want you to be happy Carlos.”

“I know and I am.”

This time Fina doesn’t contradict him and they walk out together. Carlos can’t stop the smile from spreading across his face when he sees Josh standing on the front porch with his Aunt and Carlos’ mom. Fina hip checks him again and wiggles her eyebrows as she pushes him towards the house, before disappearing in the other direction.

Carlos doesn’t waste any time bounding up the stairs of the porch to greet their guests. “Hola Señora Gómez, Hi Josh.”

The other boy smiles at Carlos, a smile so bright and open it makes his heart swell.

“Hola Carlos.” Señora Gómez answers kindly, before turning to address the group as a whole, “Joshua was so excited to come over today that I think this was the earliest he’s woken up all summer without needing someone to pull him out of bed.” The women laugh together at the thought and Carlos bounces up on his toes a little bit, overjoyed at the thought that Josh enjoys spending time together as much as Carlos does.

Carlos has to hold himself back from taking the other boy's hand right there on the porch to drag him off for a ride. He’s desperate for them to have some time alone. “Let’s go for a ride,” he suggests aloud instead and at Josh’s nod he begins to move away.

“Carlitos, don’t forget I expect you boys back here for dinner and you still need to complete your evening chores later.”

Waving at his mother’s words Carlos shouts, “Si Mami!”

Carlos feels like a little kid as he and Josh burst through the barn door laughing. After a quick look around to make sure no one is inside, he allows Josh to take his hand and pull him in closer. Carlos presses a quick kiss to the other boy's lips and pulls away with a shy smile. It’s not the first time they’ve kissed, but it still feels completely new to Carlos. Ever since he met Josh at the beginning of the summer, when he came from California to visit his Aunt and Uncle, Carlos has been floating on the high of his crush.

“Come on, let's get the horses saddled and then I want to show you the other side of the ranch today. The river has gone down enough that we should be able to cross it now.”

Carlos helps Josh get his horse saddled and checks to make sure everything is secure. At Josh’s Aunt’s request, Carlos has been teaching the other boy how to ride this summer. It turns out the request was the best thing to happen to Carlos all year, because it’s given them a reason to spend time together. Plus as Josh has gotten better at riding, it’s provided them with plenty of excuses to wander off alone on the extensive land the Reyes family owns.

They take off at a comfortable trot and Carlos enjoys the feel of the wind in his hair and the heat of the sun on his face. When they reach the edge of the river where they are going to cross Carlos pulls on the reins and guides his horse over next to the other boy. Josh is looking out across the water with trepidation and Carlos places his hand gently on his thigh, getting his attention. When Josh looks towards him at the touch and Carlos smiles gently.

“I’ll guide you across,” Carlos assures, “It’s really shallow here and Luz doesn’t have any problems with water so you’ll be fine.”

“I trust you.” Josh assures as he places his hand on top of Carlos’ taking a moment to run his thumb across his knuckles. Carlos looks down at their hands, enjoying the touch and the intimacy of liking someone and being liked back for the first time.

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs as he slowly guides them both across the river. As promised the river is shallow and they make it across without any problems. Once on the other side Carlos guides them downstream a little ways before jumping off his horse and tying her off to a tree branch.

Josh follows Carlos’ motions more carefully, and soon joins him in spreading out the blanket that was packed in Carlos’ saddle bag. Time passes quickly in their little hideaway and Carlos enjoys the privacy afforded to them by letting himself touch more freely and talk more openly.

Josh has always been the more open of the two of them, having come out to his family a couple of years earlier. Carlos has already asked him every possible question about how it went, and how his relatives reacted. He’s actually a little embarrassed to remember his astonishment at Josh’s easy acceptance of all the questions before Carlos had any real right to be asking them.

Thankfully Josh has been more than happy to share and very accepting of the fact that Carlos isn’t ready to come out yet. So they’ve shared their growing crushes in secret.

Time passes without either one of them realizing and before long the sun is casting shadows across their space. Carlos is laying with his head on Josh’s thigh, humming contently as fingers brush through his curls. He feels the shift as Josh leans down to gently press their lips together. The kiss lasts longer than any of their previous ones, and Carlos lets his tongue tentatively swipe across Josh’s lips. He’s lost in the new exploration that he misses the sound of horses hooves on the ground until they’re too close for Carlos to avoid what comes next.

“Luci, I’m sure they’ll be back to the house soon. We should just go back and wait for them.” Fina’s voice, loud and concerned, reaches Carlos’ ears.

“Mami was worried they weren’t back yet and asked me to come find them Josefina, you didn’t have to come along,” his older sister’s voice comes right after and then, “¿Carlitos?”

The silence that follows the question has Carlos scrambling to untangle himself from his position on the blanket practically wrapped around Josh. He shoots Josh a quick apologetic look before he brushes his hands down his pants in an attempt to look casual.

“Hola Luci, you…you weren’t supposed to be home until tomorrow.” Carlos manages to stutter semi-coherently even as he wills his mind to stop spinning and his heart to calm down.

No one says anything for a long moment and Carlos feels the heat creep up his neck onto his ears.

“Dinner time boys, Let’s go.” Luciana finally finds her voice and without a second look at them she turns her horse around and makes her way back the way her and Josefina came. Fina shoots Carlos an empathetic look and mouths, I’m sorry , at him before following their sister.

“Shit Carlos, I’m so sorry!” Josh exclaims as soon as they’re alone again and he reaches for Carlos hand hanging limply at his side. Carlos just takes a step back, not willing to accept the comforting touch in the midst of the storm inside him.

“We should head back.” He murmurs quietly instead and they both mount their horses and start the journey back. Carlos is quiet the entire ride back, and through dinner. He barely manages to salvage his good manners enough to bid Josh and his Aunt goodbye before he flees to the solitude of the hay loft in the barn.

He should have known he wouldn’t be able to escape his sister long though. She’s always been the most persistent of the Reyes kids. Carlos figures that’s why she’s following their oldest sister's footsteps and heading off to medical school in the fall. Carlos waits where he sits on one of the benches with his head buried in his knees. He feels his sister sit down and lean into him slightly.

“I’m really sorry that I found out before you were ready for me to know.” Luciana tells him gently. “This doesn’t change anything though, I love you.”

“Even after you caught me kissing a boy?” Carlos questions sharply as he picks up his head to look at Luci face to face. He’s not sure if it’s bravery or stupidity that drives him to want to see the look on her face to catch her in the lie he thinks she’s telling.

Luciana looks at him seriously, “Of course,” Then she bumps her shoulder into his. “Please tell me I didn’t mess up your first kiss though.”

Carlos feels his cheeks heat up and he buries his face back into his knees. “Not my first kiss.”

“Good.” Luci’s voice is cheerful, “then tell me about this boy. It seems I’ve missed a lot this summer.”

Carlos turns his head to look at her, resting his cheek on his knee. “You really want to know?”

Luci gives him her patented, you are being dumb little brother look, “Of course hermanito. Fina wouldn’t tell me a thing and I need something to tease you about after all.”

That’s all it takes for Carlos to break and soon he’s sharing all his secrets to Luci. Josefina joins them a little while later and Carlos is made to endure two of his sister’s teasing and gossiping. It’s overbearing, and embarrassing and more than he ever could have hoped for. The rest of that summer goes even better than the last. With two sisters now in on the secret. Carlos and Josh manage to sneak away several more times and they even manage to have a secret dance in the barn the night of the BBQ. Carlos feels the weight of his secret lift with the help of others to carry it with him and he thinks he might finally be ready to share it with the rest of his family.

3. Rosa Maria

Rosa is coming home for Christmas this year. It is the first time in four years that she’ll make it home and Carlos is excited. Even though she is ten years older than him and they hadn’t had much time together, he felt a certain kinship with her. Of all his sisters she was the most like him; a desire to help others, a bit of a perfectionist, even more in control at all times. He’s always admired how Rosa was always able to make their parents proud. He’s sure that she can help him make them proud of him too, even in the light of their less than enthusiastic response to his sexuality.

She’s home for two days before he’s able to find a good reason to get her alone. Making up the excuse that he forgot to get Mami one of her Christmas gifts he sneaks his way into going with Rosa on a last minute run into the city.

“I’m going to tell Rosa today.” Fina’s eyes snap to Carlos from where she is helping him with the morning chore of gathering the chicken eggs. “Don’t give me that look, Fina; I’m ready for our family to know.”

“I’m not giving you a look Carlos,” Carlos hears the soft sigh, “And I’m happy that you are ready. I just want you to be happy.”

“This will make me happy,” he insists. “Plus Rosa has always been the best at dealing with Mom and Dad. I’m hoping she might have some advice for me. Especially with college coming up and careers.”

Fina fakes an offended look, “You mean you don’t want to talk to me about college and careers.”

“I’m not meant to run a ranch, Fina. Not like you.”

He knows the huff in reply isn’t directed at him, but rather at their parents. Especially Papá and the not so subtle remarks that he’s been throwing both their ways since Fina announced she wanted to learn to run the ranch and Carlos announced he wanted to go to college and become a police officer.

“You know you don’t have to care what Mamí and Papí think about it right? It’s your life not theirs.”

“I just want them to be proud of me.” Carlos blinks rapidly, holding back the tears and emotions he knows his Dad would tell him he shouldn’t have about such a trivial matter. It’s some weird oxymoron that his Dad is both the one whose pride Carlos craves the most and the one who would be the first to tell him that pride in oneself matter’s above all others.

“Lo sé.” Fina answers as she picks up both hers and his basket of eggs to head back to the house. “I’m proud of you Carlos.”

“Gracias, for letting me come with you today Rosa.” Carlos settles into the chair across from his sister in the local café that they have visited as a family after every Sunday mass for as long as Carlos can remember. He doesn’t know if it’s fitting or foreboding that this is the place he is going to tell his oldest sister.

“Of course hermano.” She smiles kindly at him, “Don’t think I didn’t notice this was just an excuse to get out of helping Mother finish the preparation for Christmas dinner tomorrow.”

It’s been a long time since Carlos has tried to avoid helping out in the kitchen. He actually rather enjoys cooking besides his mom these days, but it’s been a long time since Rosa’s been home to see that. She’s only half wrong though, because Carlos is avoiding anything that has to do with being around either of his parent’s too much right now.

“Actually Rosa, I asked because I wanted to talk to you about something.”

This gets his sister’s attention and she hastily places her coffee mug on the table and raises an eyebrow at him.

“I told our parents that I wanted to become a police officer.”

At his words, Rosa’s face alights with understanding, “they did not take that news well did they?” she asks mostly rhetorically.

“Not really no,” he agrees with her, “but I think the bigger shock came when I told them I was gay.”

The surprise on Rosa’s face at this particular admission is clear. Carlos himself is surprised at how smoothly the words came out. There was no hesitation, no stuttering or stumbling over the thought. This is who he is and it’s gotten easier to tell his truth. Even if it’s easier to say, that doesn’t make the silence that’s fallen over the table easier to understand.

“Can you blame them?”

The words don’t make sense in his mind. Can he blame them for what exactly ? Being shocked, he guesses not, although neither Josefina nor Lucina seemed all that shocked. He’s not blaming them for that. He’s blaming them for everything after. Even though he thinks blame is the wrong word here.

Carlos realizes he hasn’t said anything and has just been staring blankly at Rosa for too long when she sighs, loudly.  

“Carlitos,” she begins and somehow with that one word she makes him feel so small, that he knows he’s not going to like the rest of whatever she has to say.

“You told our very traditionally raised parents that their Latino-American son wants to enter into a profession that emphasizes cultural ideals of masculinity and that you are gay. Of course they are going to be concerned.”

Carlos bristles at the implications hidden in her words, but he decides to stay the course for now.

“They said they loved me.”

Rosa nods and something akin to empathy lights her dark brown eyes, so similar to his own. “They do love you. The same way I love you hermanito. That’s why I’m telling you this. I don’t want you to have to figure out the hard way what it’s like to live your truth. Sometimes it’s better to live a lie and be happy.”

“What if the lie doesn’t make me happy,” the words are whispered in the wind. They come from the deepest part of him and a big part of the reason why he gathered the courage to tell their parents at all. He doesn’t want to live a lie.

“You give it time, and patience, and it can,” is Rosa’s sage advice and it hits Carlos like a freight train that this is exactly how she has always managed not to rock the boat.

Their parents expected her to go to college, so she went to college. They wanted her to become a doctor, so she went to medical school. When they started complaining about getting old and wanting to be young for their grandkids; she married the first nice man she met. She may not be living a lie the same way she is suggesting he do, but Carlos doesn’t think she’s living her truth either.

“I don’t think so Rosa. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy living a lie.”

“And if the truth causes you pain.”

The words sting, because at this point Carlos has come to realize that no matter what he does. His truth may always cause someone pain, but then he realizes that’s not right.

“It’s not the truth that will cause me pain. It’s the people that can’t accept my truth.”

Rosa’s head snaps back at that, like she’s been struck by his words. Maybe she has, but Carlos has been running for too long and right now with a sister that he knows will leave for a faraway place in three days and likely never speak to him again, he feels the courage to rock the boat just a little.

“No one wants to live in pain, Carlos.”

“That’s the first truth I’ve heard from you today Rosa.” Carlos nods as he stands from the table. His hands are shaking and his heart is beating so hard in his chest that it feels like it should be loud enough for everyone in the café to hear.

He doesn’t say anything else to Rosa for the rest of her stay. They both play the perfect siblings in front of the family, silently exchanging gifts and giving stilted hugs. Thankfully they’ve both become quite skilled at the art of making their parents happy and this occasion is no different. Not everyone is as oblivious to the change in energy between the pair, but Carlos refuses to talk to Josefina or a strangely adamant Luciana. He doesn’t need to ruin their image of their oldest sister even if his is damaged. Selfishly though he knows he isn’t telling them, because he doesn’t want to rock the boat anymore. He’s done enough of that for now. His parents don’t deserve to have it shoved in their faces.

He’s grateful that they accept his decision and even more grateful when they sneak into his room Christmas morning to give him two more gifts from them. A pride flag for him to fly wherever he wants, but Fina thinks it’ll be perfect for his dorm room at UT, and a gift card to his favorite LGBTQ owned bakery in the city, with a promise that he’ll take them along.

It’s not exactly how Carlos expected this Christmas to go, but knowing he’s got two sisters who completely support him and love him makes it a little bit easier. He meant what he said to Rosa, he’d never be happy living a lie, so for now he’s just going to live his truth the best way he can.

+1. Isabela

Isabela is the wild card of the family. It took Carlos 18 years to realize that she’s always been hidden in the shadow of their oldest sister Rosa. He’s never been particularly close with Isa; just a few too many years separated them and it always seemed they had little in common. It is almost natural then that she is the only member of their family that doesn’t know about him. After the disaster that was his coming out to his parents and Rosa; he hasn’t been in any hurry to tell anyone else. Besides, he's content to be leaving for college in two short months.

What he never could have expected was a surprise trip home and a request from Isabela for them to have brunch together alone.

He drives his mom’s car into the city Saturday morning under the guise of meeting his freshman roommate for coffee. It’s not a lie. He is meeting his roommate for coffee, just not this afternoon. Now he’s on his way to brunch with his sister. The Austin heat and sunshine accompany him through the open window as he drives. He enjoys the quiet solitude of the drive into the city; long enough for him to lose the tension he constantly carries at home these days, but short enough that he doesn’t lose himself in thoughts of why Isa wants to have brunch with him.

He’s pulling up in front of the unfamiliar set of food trucks fifteen minutes before their pre-arranged meeting time. Predictably his sister isn't anywhere in sight, but the space is busier than Carlos expected for 11:00 am brunch on a Sunday morning. Carlos decides to grab them one of the few open tables he spots under the shade of the trees in the park. It’s sitting there, tapping his foot to the nervous rhythm of his heart that his sister finds him exactly fifteen minutes later.

“Always late, hermana.” Carlos greets her with a smile, the old family joke about only fifteen minutes early is on time easily rolling off his tongue.

“You know time moves at a different pace for me, sorry to have kept you waiting the whole fifteen minutes until our actual meeting time.” Isa answers sarcastically even as she pulls him into a tight hug, which he returns easily.

“I’ll grab us some food,” he offers as he pulls away, but he’s stopped by a hand on his arm and a laugh that he finds he missed.

“Do you even know what’s good?” Isa’s voice has a teasing lilt to it, none of the harsh edges he remembers from when she was home last.

He shrugs, nonplussed, he’s been cooking for years now and he is sure he can spot the best food. “No, but I’m sure I can figure it out.”

“Sit,” she orders in reply, “My treat anyways.”

Carlos does as requested and sits twirling his phone in his hand as he waits for her to return. It doesn’t take long despite the abundant crowd surrounding the food trucks.

“It helps to know the owners.” Isa answers his raised eyebrow with a smile.

Carlos shakes his head fondly while distracting himself by digging into his food.

“Wow this is really good. I’m surprised I've never heard of this particular set of food trucks,” he muses as he goes in for another bite.

Isa takes a moment from enjoying her own food to answer, “they’re pretty new here. Just started setting up every weekend in March.”

“How’d you find them? This is pretty far south of your usual territory.”

“I dated the chef of one, we’re still good friends. She mainly keeps the truck up in North Austin where I met her.”

Carlos chokes on his bite at the words, so casually given, without any preamble or build-up. Even now as he takes a gulp of his water and tries to surreptitiously clear his throat, Isa looks unfazed.

When he looks up at Isa her eyes are sparkling with mischief and a smirk sits on her lips. “What? You didn’t think you were the only one in the family, did you?”

Those words cause Carlos to sputter the sip of water he was taking and Isa bursts out into laughter. Again the sound hitting Carlos because of how genuinely happy she sounds.

“But you’re married to Hanson.”

“There is such a thing as bisexual hermano.”

Carlos blushes in shame at his unmeaningful yet hurtful words. “Sí claro, perdóname. So which truck is your ex-girlfriend turned friend’s?

“The one you’re eating from obviously. She really is a wonderful chef. Even Hanson agrees.”  

Isa is full-on belly laughing now as Carlos chokes for a third time.

“Are you trying to give yourself a reason to perform the heimlich maneuver on me, Isa?” Carlos complains around a cough.

“It’s fun to be able to surprise you. You’ve always been so tightly wound I wondered when you’d loosen up enough to laugh.”

Carlos knows there is truth in her words, and that they weren’t said with intention to harm, but it hurts all the same to be reminded of all the reasons he held himself so tight and all the reasons he was just waiting to be able to let go.

“Did you finally tell them then?” Isa asks as she watches him with a careful eye.

“Tell who what?” Carlos feigns ignorance on the direction of this discussion.

He watches as Isa leans back in her seat, body language open and inviting, and it’s no wonder she’s good at her job as a youth counselor. “Our family that you’re gay.”

Despite the leading conversation and Carlos’ assumptions that this was the direction they were headed, he still finds himself at a loss for words at the easy way the information is laid out in front of him. This is the first time that anyone, himself included, has acknowledged this piece of information as just another piece of the puzzle that makes up Carlos Reyes and not some big wall to be faced.

“Yes,” his voice is quiet, almost disappearing in the chatter that surrounds them, but Isa doesn’t miss it or the flash of pain that crosses his face.

“Judging from that look, I’d say they didn’t take it well.” The gentleness in her voice and the soft touch of her hand on his before he even noticed that she was moving it is startling.

“Fina and Luci have been great,” he tells her with genuine happiness, avoiding the painful truth.

Voice still gentle, touch still soft, Isa doesn’t let him run away from it as she asks, “Mom and Dad?”

“They said they loved me and that was that,” he sums up the complete lack of interest from his parents in that short phrase, before admitting the hardest part. “Rosa said I should live a lie.”

Isa swears under her breath, rapid fire and angry. “Rosa lies to herself everyday. It’s time she stopped telling other people how to find happiness when she still hasn’t managed.” The words are sharp, pointed, and angry to the point that Carlos knows there is more behind them than his own confession. He’s sad for the look in Isa’s eyes that he is almost certain is from a bad memory of her own.

“I told her I didn’t want to live a lie.”

“Good for you Carlos.” Isa exclaims almost aggressively, but softens when he pulls back at the words, “I don’t know that I’ll ever be brave enough to share my whole truth with them Carlos, and for that I am sorry. I’m sorry I don’t have the strength you do that would allow me to stand next to you.”

Carlos shakes his head to disagree, but Isa barrels right past that. “I can hide Carlos. I know that. I’m married to a man whom I love and he knows all of me, but that means that I don’t have to share all of me if I don’t want to and I can still be happy. I know it’s not the same for you. I know something of the courage you had to have to tell mom and dad and even Josefina and Luciana and I admire it. I’m proud of you hermano.”

There is a tightness in Carlos’ throat and a burning behind his eyes as he stares in wonder at the sister he never could have imagined would understand him so well.

“Thank you for telling me,” he says with true gratitude. “You didn’t have to, but I feel less alone now than I think I ever have before.”

“You’re not alone Carlos.”

“I know,” and he really believes it.

Even if his parents never acknowledge what he shared with them again. Even if he never sees eye to eye with Rosa. Carlos knows that he isn’t alone and that he’ll always have a family who loves and accepts him for who he really is.

[disgruntledspacedad]

Save a Horse 

pairing: Javier Peña x reader

summary: (fluff, slice of life) You ride a horse. Javi has a heart attack. 

words: 2kish

warnings: language. Utter ignorance of ranch life, but Ears is enthusiastic, at least. No horses were harmed in the writing of this fic.

a/n: unbeta’d.

It was Pop’s idea to start with. 

“Have you ever ridden a horse, Orejas?” he breaks the easy morning silence suddenly, resting his empty mug on the counter and shooting you an expression that can only be described as conspiratorial.

“No,” you answer honestly, thinking wryly that Pop certainly knows how to catch your attention. 

Beside you, Javi stiffens, and you can feel his gaze heavy on you. He’s been a little jumpy ever since he’d got you back, and with good reason, really. You rest a reassuring hand on his thigh and squeeze, receiving just as much comfort from the gesture as you’re offering.

This man is your rock.

Pop is still watching you expectantly, and you feel your lips tug upward. It’s so easy to smile at Chucho Peña. “But I’m game to try anything twice.”

Pop grins, and Javi blusters a deep sigh.

It’s nice outside. For being early November, the weather is surprisingly mild in Laredo, the air smelling of grass and hay and maybe a little bit of horse, but in a good way. The sunshine is warm on your skin, the sky extending bright blue as far as you can see. 

Pop leads you to the stables, prattling on about horses and saddles and other things that you don’t understand in the slightest. Javi follows silently, catching your fingers in a vice grip. His jaw is tense, his brow furrowed in that little frown that seems to be permanently affixed to his face ever since Colombia.

Your heart flip flops, and you stop, pulling him close enough to rest your head on his chest. Automatically, Javi’s arms wrap around you, pulling you in, and he sighs deeply into your hair. 

“Freaking out,” you remind him gently. 

He huffs a tiny laugh. “I know.”

You lift your lips for a quick kiss, and Javi obliges eagerly. “It’s going to be okay, babe,” you murmur as you pull away. 

“I know,” he repeats softly, looking for all the world like he really doesn’t. 

“Come on.” You tug at him, noticing Pop carefully not watching you in the distance. “It’ll be fun.”

“I doubt that,” Javi mutters darkly, but he follows anyway.

“This is Caballo,” Pop announces, stopping in front of a freakishly huge black stallion.

Creative, you almost say aloud, reminding yourself to be nice just in time. This man is as good as your father-in-law. It’s probably wise to keep that favorable impression you’ve made.

As if sensing your thought, Pop winks at you. “Javier named him.”

You shoot a little smirk in Javi’s direction, knowing that he’ll pick up on your teasing. He doesn’t rise to your bait, though, the killjoy.

In no time at all, the horses are saddled up and ready to go. Javi is perched atop a cream-colored mare, Cerveza, and Caballo is all yours.

Pop declines to ride, preferring to supervise you from the ground. “He’s very gentle, Orejas,” he tells you as he helps you into the saddle. “Won’t throw you or buck. Not like Cerveza.” He winks up at you. “Es una pequeña perra.”

Together, you laugh. You’ve picked up on enough Spanish curses during your time in Colombia to get the message.

Javi and Pop offer you some last-second advice - relax, sit up straight, and keep the reigns loose - and then you’re off, plod-plod-ploding at a mind-numbingly sedate pace around the fence line. 

By the third lap, you are thoroughly, utterly, completely bored.

“I think I’m ready to go faster!” you shout to Pop. “Can I make him go faster?”

Pop tips his hat at you, shooting you a toothy grin. “Tap him on the sides with your heels, Orejas, and say, ‘giddap!’”

“Gently,” Javi warns you sharply.

You shoot him a glare that’s only half-mocking. As if you’d just kick this poor horse in the ribs - god, it’s like Javi doesn’t know you at all.

“Giddap,” you say in your most dignified voice, nudging Caballo with your feet like Pop had told you. Caballo jolts forward, cantering half-heartedly for a couple of steps, then slowing to a walk with a disdainful snort. 

Ugh. You toss a questioning glance back at Javi. He’s doing a very poor job of hiding his grin.

Motherfucker.

Pop is smiling, too. “Try it with a little more authority, Orejas!” he advises. “He’s a big animal, and proud. You’ve got to tell him what to do, not ask politely.” 

 Javi snorts. ”Shouldn’t be too hard.”

You whip around to stare at him, lurching forward when Caballo reacts to your sudden shift in body weight. Behind you, Javi breaks out into snickers.

Well, then.

Exasperated, you decide that Javier Peña is far more of a big, dumb, proud animal than the horse you’re riding, and you manage to climb atop him every day and submit him to your will just fine.

Caballo shouldn’t be a problem. 

You square your shoulders, determined to get it right this time, and summon every John Wayne movie you’ve ever seen to the forefront of your mind. It’s not an impressive anthology to pull from - you’re more of a sci-fi kind of girl - but it’s more than enough to get a clear picture in your head of what needs to happen. 

You gather the reigns in one hand, straighten your back, and take a deep breath. 

“Hyah!”

Caballo is off like a shot, surging forward with an enthusiasm that sends your body rocketing backwards. Your feet fly up, suddenly free of the stirrups, and its all you can do to hold like mad to the reigns with your right hand - why the fuck did you decide one hand was better, anyway?? - while your left flaps free in the wind.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” you tell Caballo. You’re not begging, you’re not.

You’re vaguely aware of shouts behind you.

You manage to pitch forward just enough to avoid falling off the ass-end of the horse, but it’s a near thing. Caballo is in a full-out gallop, lungs chugging beneath you, mane flapping in the wind and stinging your eyeballs. You lean in and hold on for dear life, and goddamn, none of those westerns ever mention just how rough it is on horseback. You are going to be so fucking sore tomorrow, ass, tits, and bits, but you can’t find it in yourself to care, because you are riding this horse, dammit.

You realize your mistake a moment later. Pride goeth before the fall, and your feet had shaken free of the stirrups on Caballo’s initial leap forward. Now, your legs are free-floating, flap, flap, flapping in the wind, and each bounce is sending you just a hair further over to the side. 

Oh shit shit shit.

You flail, arching your toes in a desperate attempt to find purchase somewhere, but it’s a done deal. Grip with your knees, some primal instinct screams, or maybe that’s just Javi - you think he might be chasing you in the background.

By this point, you’re flat sideways on Caballo’s body, curled up more on his ribs than his back. Flop flop flop. He hasn’t slowed one bit, and you realize with sudden, horrifying clarity that gravity is a fucking bitch, and it’s a matter of where, not if or when, you fall.

You decide to do things on your own terms and let go, dumb as it may be. You pitch forward and roll, tucking your shoulder into the ground like your gymnastics teacher had taught you when you were six. There’s a horrifying moment of chaos and pain - the world is spinning, nothing is under your control, and the breath is knocked completely from you, but it’s over in an instant, and you’re left staring at the shockingly blue sky, blinking into the sunlight and listening to the receding hoof-falls of that goddamned horse.

“Ears! Ears! Ears!” Javi is making a lot of fucking noise somewhere over your shoulder. 

The ridiculousness of the situation hits you all at once, along with a truckload of relief. You relive it all in an instant, picturing how utterly fucking stupid you must have looked, clinging to a runaway horse with your hair wild in the wind and your short little legs bouncing like chicken wings, and before you can find your way to your feet again, you’re laughing so hard that you can’t fucking breathe, which is almost a problem, because there wasn’t much air left in you to begin with -

Javi’s kneeling over you now, blocking the sun with his body, panting hard. “Oh, fuck. Fuck, Ears, are you okay?”

You can’t stop laughing long enough to answer him. You curl up in a ball on your side, trying push yourself up on your elbows, but you can’t.

“Oh… Oh my… Oh my god,” you stutter, breathless. 

Beside you, the tension bleeds from Javi’s body in one long, broken sigh. You realize that he’s laughing, too. He leans his forehead into your shoulder, slumping into you bonelessly.

“I… I couldn’t… the fucking foot loops -” in your discombobulated state, the word ‘stirrup’ is lost to you. “My feet, Javi!”

He shakes his head into your neck, hot little breaths puffing on your bare skin. “I know,” he giggles, pressing a quick kiss to your jaw. “I saw.”

You try to stagger upright and don’t quite manage it. You’re feeling dizzy, almost a little drunk, but before you can stumble again, Javi is right there, hauling you to your feet and catching your lips in a deep, gentle kiss.

“You.” Javi breathes into you, his mustache tickling at your lip, and you lean heavily against him, allowing him to do most of the work of holding you up. “Ridiculous girl,” more kisses, “What do you have against me, huh?” a soft nip at the corner of your mouth, “It’s like you just try to scare the life out of me, Ears.”

“Dunno.” Your voice trembles, and you’re unsure whether that’s leftover adrenaline or the way Javi’s gigantic hands are stroking possessively at your ribcage. The flannel he’s wearing is worn soft with age, and you nuzzle into it, sighing. “It’s a hobby, I guess.”

“I can think of better hobbies,” Javi growls at the skin of your neck.

“Not right here,” you laugh, suddenly aware of Pop approaching. Javi whines like a puppy as you push him away gently, his hair mussed and his lips swollen, and your heart swells in your chest.

Christ, sometimes you still cannot believe how fucking lucky you are. 

“Besides.” You can’t resist stealing one last kiss from his chin. “You know you love it.”

Javi’s breath catches. His eyes darken. One thumb strokes softly at your cheek, tucking back a stray hair. “Querida,” he starts -

You’re startled by a slow clap behind you, and both you and Javi jump back as if burned. Pop has finally made it to the scene. “Buena, Orejas!” he teases, his dark eyes dancing. “Well done!”

Asshole, you think fondly. Sarcasm runs strong in the Peña clan, it seems. You shake your head at him, a grin pulling at your cheeks.

Pop reaches to grip Caballo by the reigns. The motherfucker had finished his flight around the the ranch and wandered back toward you, sedately, almost nonchalantly, as if to say, ‘who, me?’

“Ready to go again?” Pop asks, holding out the reigns in your direction. 

Javi groans. “No, Dad.”

You’re not sure if Pop’s serious, but you are. “Absolutely!” Fresh air and adrenaline have made you giddy, and you decide on the spot that, apart from almost dying, riding a horse is the most fun you’ve ever had in your life. 

Caballo takes a little half step back, side-eyeing you with as much expression as a horse can muster, as if he’s sensed your intent and wholeheartedly does not approve.

You glance back at Javi. He’s sighing hard, head in his hands, rubbing his palms to his eyeballs with a ferocity that must have him seeing spots.

You decide to have mercy. “How about tomorrow?” you suggest, bumping shoulders with Javi in a gentle reminder that you’re here, you’re okay. “I know there’s still some beer in the fridge.” 

Pop nods sagely, still grinning as he pats Caballo on the haunches. “I think so.” He offers you a quick wink, and you decide for the third time this morning that you really, really like your almost father-in-law.

“Thank fuck,” Javi mutters to himself. 

You elbow him hard enough to draw a grunt, then offer him a quick peck on the lips in compensation. “Come on, babe. It wasn’t that bad.” 

He huffs in response. 

[let-me-love-you-loki]

Take Me Away

A/N: Honestly, every time I look at Hangman, this song plays in my head. This man is bringing the country girl out of me again. 

I didn’t know if I would ever get used to surprises from Adam Page. He’d taken me to his ranch on the first date to ride horses. Our third date had been a day trip floating down the Dan River. Date five had been fishing on a pontoon boat. Out of seven or eight dates, only two or three of them had been low-key dinner dates in town.

           He’d been away for several weeks traveling in Japan on a wrestling tour. The truth was, I’d been lonely without him. I’d taken a drive over to Hangman Ranch almost every day after work while he’d been away. There was a stock of apples in my purse… treats for Paisley, Stoney (the chestnut), and Eclipse (the jet black). Whenever I pulled up, no matter where they were in the field, they made their way over to the fence and popped their heads over the top rail. They munched on apples from my hand as I stroked the soft velvet of their noses.

           I waited patiently for three weeks… waited for the message that said he was home. But when it came late one evening as I was crawling into bed, it wasn’t exactly what I expected. I opened the message to find a photo of the steering wheel of Adam’s truck and a text. Pack a bag. I’ll pick you up at 6:30 in the morning. You can sleep on the way.

***

           I’d been awake since five. The mystery of this sudden trip was enough to keep me from settling into a comfortable rest. After fighting to go back to sleep for almost an hour, I got up and tried to prepare myself for whatever Adam Page had waiting. I’d brushed my teeth, washed my face, and packed the rest of my toiletries. Then I sat, wondering and waiting, my heart nearly pounding out of my chest.

           The knock came at exactly six-thirty. Adam stood on the threshold with his hair in a messy knot on top of his head, aviators hanging from the collar of his t-shirt, sweatpants, and a pair of flip flops. He grinned when he saw me, his blue eyes sparkling bright.

           “Hey, Em,” he said by way of greeting. He reached out and looped one arm around my waist to pull me against him. His free hand cupped my cheek, thumb stroking my skin slowly. “God, I’ve missed you.”

           Before I could respond, he dipped his head and his mouth was on mine. It was like the first kiss all over again. A rush of weightlessness rushed into me. I wound my arms around his neck and leaned up on my toes to return the kiss. I could feel him smile against my lips.

           “Let’s get,” Adam said playfully when he broke the kiss. “It’s a long drive.”

           He snatched my suitcase up from beside the door and laced his fingers with mine. As soon as I’d checked the door, he was pulling me insistently down the stairs and outside to the curb. Adam opened the door and helped me up into the truck before stowing my suitcase in the backseat with his bag. When he climbed into the driver’s seat, he leaned into the back and came up with an overstuffed pillow and a fleece blanket.

           “Curl up and go back to sleep. I’ll stop about eight and we’ll get breakfast.”

           “Where are we going?” I asked, knowing just as well that he wasn’t going to tell me.

           He smirked and reached across me to snatch my seatbelt. “You’ll see. Now go to sleep, Em.”

***

           It was easier than I thought to fall back asleep. The rock of the car, the faint sound of Adam singing along with the radio, and the warmth from the heater lulled me to sleep by the time we’d left Aaron’s Creek. Surprisingly, I fell into dreams of horses and wild grass.

           The sun was rising higher in the sky when Adam gently shook me awake. We were idling in a parking spot outside a Cracker Barrel. He hopped out and came around to lift me to the ground. He took the chance to kiss me again, grinning with playfulness. Our fingers twined together as we walked across the parking lot.

           “I’ve always wanted one of those for my porch,” he said wistfully, looking at the rocking chairs lined up outside. I tugged on his arm, pulling him over to them, grinning at the thought of watching the stars come out over the clover grass fields at his ranch.

           I glanced at the price tag and gasped. “Too bad they’re so much. We could have gotten two.”

           When I turned my attention to Adam, he was looking down at me with bright blue eyes and a slow smile. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine, lingering for a long moment. I settled my palm against his cheek, my fingers brushing his soft blond beard. “Four hundred isn’t too much to sit with the prettiest girl this side of the Mississippi.”

           “Stop it,” I murmured, blushing and smacking him playfully on the chest.

           His smile turned serious as he tucked loose strands of my hair behind me ear. “You’re beautiful, and don’t you forget it. Now come on, we’re burning daylight.”

           Adam led me inside and asked for a table by the fireplace. It was warm and smelled faintly of woodsmoke, setting my mind onto thoughts of camping and nights curled up in his arms next to a fire. We ordered pancakes, gravy and biscuits, scrambled eggs, and sausage. He told me about his time in Japan, promising that he would introduce me to his wrestling buddies.

           I was warm and pleasantly full when we finally walked back to the truck. Adam turned to look at the chairs again as we passed by. “We’re comin’ right back here on the way home, and I’m buyin’ two of them.”

           He hooked his arm around my neck and drew me close as we crossed the lot. I couldn’t help but giggle at the lingering kiss he left on the top of my head. He laughed when I pushed away from his side and raced him to the truck. The locks opened, and I climbed the runner and opened the door.

           “Come on, cowboy,” I called over my shoulder as I scooted into the cab. “We’re burning daylight!”

           His laugh got deeper and brighter as he jogged around to the driver side and hopped in. As soon as he put the key in the ignition, he reached toward me, curling his fingers around the back of my neck and pulling me in to a playful, laughing, grinning kiss.

           Then we were back on the road. I watched the world roll by outside the truck. It was flat for a while, then began climbing higher, winding through mountains tinged in blue and green. Virginia had faded away, given in to the North Carolina Piedmont and then the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains.

           It wasn’t until he pulled off the highway that I realized where we were going.

***

           The house came into view after a slow, meandering drive through heavy woods. First came the highest peaks of the roof, grey slate mixed with limestone and brick. Stained glass windows and a three-story house that looked like a castle from a fairytale. Adam slowed to a crawl as we drove through the wrought iron gates and across the carriage road. The sprawling front lawn spread out to my right, the fountain in the center spraying a curling jet of water into the air.

           The Biltmore Estate was bigger than I’d ever imagined. “Oh, Adam…” I squealed into my fingers. “This is… are we going to go in? Are we taking the tour?”

           He laughed and reached out to squeeze my knee. “Em, we’re going to stay in the Inn. I made sure to get us a room where you can see the house. We can take the tour every day if you want.”

           I looked back at him, not caring that the truck was rolling through a gate and down a narrow road away from the house. “Every day?”

           “Three days. Anything you want, you get,” Adam replied, looking sheepish. “I hope… did I do okay?”

           My heart thumped hard in my chest. He looked so young in that moment with the blush highlighting his cheekbones and the faint, worried smile. I reached for his hand, too overcome to say much of anything. My fingers squeezed his as I tried to put my thoughts and feelings into words.

           After another twenty minutes, Adam pulled into a parking spot next to a sprawling hotel that looked very much like the house itself. The radio played on, filling the cab with the sounds of banjos and fiddles. I recognized the song, grinning as I thought how fitting it was to that moment. I shimmied closer to Adam, resting my head on his shoulder.

           “Cowboy, take me away,” I sang softly, threading my fingers with his. I closed my eyes, feeling the tears bubble up. “Fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue…”

           Adam pressed his lips against my forehead. His nose bumped my cheek, silently asking for me to look up. When I did, he curled his fingers against my cheek and kissed me so delicately but so strongly that it took my breath straight from my lungs.

           He settled his forehead against mine, his thumb stroking my cheek. I could feel his breath ghosting along my skin. My heart gave a steady thump, pushing certainty into my veins.

           “Adam…” I stopped, drew a deep breath, licked my lips.

           “I love you, Em,” he said quietly.

           His blue eyes were closed, squeezed tight as if he was bracing for a blow. As if he thought for one second that I didn’t feel the same way. I smiled and curled my fingers around the back of his neck, feeling tears start to slip down my cheeks.

           “I love you too, cowboy.”

@mox-made-me-do-it

[myssamyss]

Everything Stays, Part 2 of 6

Featuring the first two panels of “The Bet” by Jojo.  Part 2: ...It’ll Cause You to Drown Link rode into the heart of Lon Lon Ranch with a single-minded purpose: his visits needed to end.

He dismounted and fought against the comforting familiarity that rose to meet him as he approached the ranch house. Even this small stretch of yard held sweet memories. Once, in a fit of playful frustration, Malon had upturned an entire jug of milk over his head in this very spot, laughing melodiously all the while. They’d both gotten in trouble with her father at the time. Now, he smiled to recall the refreshing shock.

If he stepped just a little further onto the grounds to the main corral, he’d come upon an older memory. His favorite memory of her, but one that only he knew:

“I can’t believe it, but peace is returning to this ranch! It’s all because of you! I owe you so much! Thank you! Thank you, Link!”

He clung to that memory like a candle in darkness after returning to his childhood, for though he’d been forced to reforge many friendships, rebuilding Malon’s trust had frustrated him the most. At first, he hadn’t thought much of that frustration. The memory of their first meeting burned brightly in his mind: she’d been the only child in a sea of strange adults filling a strange town, back when he was fresh out of the Kokiri forest and utterly overwhelmed. But she seemed safe, so he was drawn to her like a moth to a vivid red flame. Years later, she’d somehow remembered him after he emerged from the Temple of Time. Losing such a meaningful history with any friend was bound to be frustrating, or so he’d justified. But then their relationship grew beyond what had been lost, and he found himself thinking of her constantly. He hadn’t realized until too late–she'd become his haven.

The weight of his feelings for her hadn’t struck him until his last visit, when she confessed to thinking of him often, too, before delicately pressing her lips to his cheek. Her kiss blindsided him with happiness. But that euphoria lasted only until he was back in the saddle and leaving the ranch. Once he was out on the open road, he’d finally been able to think. He’d been so caught up in joy that he’d almost forgotten his most painful lesson in trusting others; he knew what inevitably happened to the people he placed his comfort in...

Link sighed loudly to shake away his thoughts, turned to the ranch house, and forced his hand to knock at the familiar wooden door.

Just say what needs saying. Then leave, he coached himself as he waited at the threshold. He could even leave the message with her father. She was usually out with the horses at this time of day, so he could just speak with Talon and leave her undistracted. But the stifling heat must have interrupted her daily schedule, because when the door flew open, he found himself face-to-face with Malon.

“Link!” she exclaimed. Her eyes shone with excitement and her lips–the same soft lips he now felt in his dreams–broke into a huge smile. Distracted, he couldn’t get a single word out before she pulled him into an exuberant hug, trapping his arms by his side and scattering his thoughts completely.

“I’ve missed you, fairy boy! Looking for some more work?” she asked. He smiled at the nickname. He’d grown taller than ever before, yet she still teased him as she had when he was a boy.

“You picked a heckuva day to do some farm chores,” she warned him with a teasing smile. She pulled the back of her hand across her glistening brow.

He focused on fixing this memory of her in his mind: her blue eyes full of laughter, one hand still clutching his arm, her vibrant hair framing her flushed face.  If he walked away now, he could remember her this way, always.

He took a deep breath.

“I actually... came to say goodbye,” he told her. “For awhile, at least.”

Malon’s expression turned wooden. “What do you mean…?” she asked.

“I probably won’t be back for a long time,” he told her, staring at the yellow kerchief draped over her shoulder so he wouldn’t have to meet her eyes.

If she was upset, she hid it well, and Link silently thanked the goddesses for Malon’s gracious spirit.

“Where will you stay tonight?” she asked, her voice becoming surprisingly cheery. “Won’t you stay with us, just for one night? The spare room is made up already, you can sleep warm and cozy there.”

She peered up at him and he nearly drowned in her blue eyes, brimming with hope beneath deep lashes. Link didn’t know how to refuse.

“Fine,” he agreed.

One night. In the morning, he’d say goodbye.

***

Wild carefully nocked three arrows onto his bow. He glanced down from the low cliff he stood atop to mark his makeshift leaf targets knifed to a tree nearly fifty meters away, then he leapt from the cliff and drew back the bowstring in a single fluid motion.

He exhaled steadily as he fell, seeking the familiar state of perfect concentration when the wind in his ears would quiet and the world would stand still.

Instead, the wind roared and the world blurred around him. He felt a surprising twinge of pain as he let his arrows fly, before rapidly stowing his bow and switching his hands to grab the handles of his glider in well-practiced coordination. His left forearm stung. As he floated back down to the ground, Zelda’s voice echoed in his mind:

“May I ask, do you really remember me?”

A second voice followed. Warriors, this time, from the night before:

“...and a guy like him? He’s well collected, acts like he’s always on duty.”

Wild’s feet touched down in soft grass and he stowed his glider, glancing at his forearm which sported a red, angry welt where the bowstring had whipped across it. He hadn’t made that mistake since the Great Plateau—and even then, the muscle memory of pulling a bow had quickly cured him of the habit. It was amazing how much his subconscious remembered; if only his consciousness could have followed suit.

He marched to the target-tree. Two of the arrows had at least met the trunk, though the third was nowhere to be seen. He peered into the forest and tried to catch a glimpse of the fletching amid the dull green grass.

Footsteps crunched from behind him.

“You missed?” Legend called out incredulously as he emerged from deeper in the forest. The man’s red tunic stood out against the dark greens surrounding them, though the contrast was less striking than usual. Wild realized with a slight start that the light in the forest was waning.

Legend stared at the targets. “We may have to revoke your ‘Greatest Archer of All Link-Kind’ title,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m surprised you’re still out here, I thought you were heading back early to cook.”

Wild sighed and said nothing. Legend took the hint.

The soft clink of armor and the nearly imperceptible pad of a second pair of footsteps against the forest floor met Wild’s ears. He turned to see Time and Twilight making their way through the underbrush from the direction of camp. Twilight smiled and raised a gauntlet-covered hand in a casual wave as he approached. Wild managed to twitch the side of his mouth into a half smile for his friend, but the slight darkening of Twilight’s expression told him that he hadn’t been very convincing.

“We’re heading out next, thought we’d come find you two since, uh...” Twilight trailed off.

“We weren’t sure if you were still cooking,” Time picked up smoothly, turning to Wild, “or if you wanted someone else to? If you need more time training, any of us can step in, the job doesn’t always have to fall to you.”

Wild dropped his gaze and nodded. “I’m fine. Let me grab my arrows, I’m done,” he replied flatly. He turned and started off in the direction of his lost arrow, acutely aware of the telling silence from the other heroes behind him. Did they really find it so strange that he’d lost track of time?

After a quiet moment, he heard the distinctive steps of the mentor-and-student pair as they walked deeper into the woods. Wild crouched among the forest foliage and tried to find a piece of broken grass or skid-scored dirt that might announce his arrow’s path, but the day’s light was failing fast. Besides, he reasoned, he had hundreds of arrows in his Sheikah slate, what point was there in collecting this one? He straightened up, dismayed, and turned to find Legend waiting for him.

“No luck, huh?” he asked Wild, raising his eyebrows in a rare show of genuine concern.

Wild shook his head and strode to where Legend stood, then they started back toward camp together. The only sounds between them were the quiet jostling of gear and the swishing of Legend’s tunic.

“Hey, Legend,” Wild said softly as he pushed aside a low-hanging branch. “Thank you. For what you said last night.”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, anytime.” Legend shrugged. “I was getting damn sick of it too. Plus, I have a feeling that I’ll win this bet.” He smirked.

Wild wasn’t so sure, but he gave Legend an amused smile in return. He wasn’t necessarily sick of the Wife Debate. But the conversation at camp last night had stirred a deep realization inside of him, leaving him unsettled.

Ever since the heroes had learned of Time’s mysterious wife, they had taken to swapping theories about her identity each time the Old Man left camp. Everyone was curious. Well, everyone except Twilight, who likely knew more than he let on, and Legend, who had kept uncharacteristically quiet during the discussions, until last night:

“My money’s still on Zelda,” Warriors reiterated. To no one’s surprise, Sky nodded his hearty agreement.

Legend stood up suddenly and joined the banter for the first time. “You think he’s married to Zelda?” he asked Warriors, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“He speaks so highly of her,” Warriors explained, “and a guy like him? He’s well collected, acts like he’s always on duty. It’s got to be the princess herself.”

The pair had bickered lightly until Legend finally ended the discussion by throwing down a bet. Still, Warriors’ words had already stuck in Wild’s mind like a splinter he just couldn’t pick out. They poked at his conscience, and he found himself running over the words again and again long into the night, becoming increasingly frustrated. Because Warriors’ reasoning about Time was sound; the older man never quite seemed at ease. Was that the price to pay for winning the princess? Though, Legend apparently disagreed...

Wild glanced at the other Link walking beside him. He hadn’t realized it before, but he and Legend had something in common: the ability to listen and see. So maybe he’s right, Wild considered. Legend did a great job of feigning indifference behind fast words, but his actions betrayed his insight. Like now, as they walked through the forest, sharing the comfortable understanding that nothing more needed saying.

Later that evening, Wild sat beside their campfire and halved mushrooms with a short paring knife while his mind still spun. After last night’s talk of partners and princesses, couldn’t help but replay that final evening with his Princess Zelda–the night he’d been whisked away. He’d returned from his upsetting encounter with the orphan in the swamp, but said nothing about it to Zelda. Instead, he sat beside the fire and listened. Zelda spoke ceaselessly of Zora’s Domain which lay ahead, her eagerness to meet with Prince Sidon after so much time, and her relief to be traveling Hyrule once more. Wild had been quiet. She was so captivating, and passionate, and he couldn’t bear to break her excitement.

Deeper, unspoken words still hung between them, but Wild had always struggled to voice the unsaid. In honesty, he wasn’t sure what she needed from him. With only a few scraps of memories to work from, he didn’t dare hazard a guess at her deeper thoughts. Still, he’d seen enough in his memories to guess at what she expected of him, and he fell easily back into a half-remembered regimen of simply listening and doing his job.

He’d gotten up to stoke their campfire when the scenery around him shifted abruptly and he found himself standing barefoot in an entirely different Hyrule with no way back, despite how desperately he tried to return to her. So, he kept moving forward. He’d done a fair enough job of keeping her out of his mind, at least until the Wife Debate began.

A rustling noise rose behind Wild. He automatically turned away from their brightly lit camp to peer out into the forest, but his eyes couldn’t see much in the darkness. He turned back to the stew pot and continued slicing, unbothered. The woods were teeming with wildlife, plus he trusted in Wind and Hyrule’s ability to keep their watch. And even if enemies lurked out in the forest, Wild had probably fought worse.

But what about his Zelda, alone and a world away? He tried not to worry. After all, she was clever and resourceful, and the monsters across their Hyrule had lost some ferocity since Calamity Ganon’s defeat. Not to mention she proved a quick study with a sword. She slew her first bokoblin with a scimitar near the Hylia River in a flashing gleam of steel and ruby. He suspected that she’d been secretly practicing long before he began teaching her. Wild had full confidence in her abilities.

The matter of her safety aside, half of his heart still ached to return to her, and to their journey across Hyrule. His own Hyrule, the one he had worked so hard to rescue. Yet as he journeyed instead with the heroes of ages past, he began to realize something else, too: he felt happier here, adventuring, than he’d ever felt back home. His heart was conflicted. He knew what he should want–but he was altogether sick of ‘shoulds’. He’d had enough of duty for duty’s sake. Sure makes things easier though, he reflected. A duty was clear, while his own desires were proving fickle.

Wild shook his head and threw the heaping pile of mushrooms into the boiling pot, then he thumbed the painful welt on his forearm. Stewing over stew, he mused to himself with a quiet chuckle. At least some things never change. ___________ Author’s Note: thanks as always to @clumsydarknut for beta-reading. 

[buginabog]

Am I Dreaming Or Dead?

Summary: ...sanders sides fantasy story. Purely self indulgent.

Pairing: royality, loceit, remile

Warning: death mention, sympathetic deceit, body horror (kinda)

-

People told you to never go into the woods.

People said those who went in never came back.

People said that monsters and ghosts roamed and that demons rose up from the pit.

So of COURSE Roman was going to explore.

"Roman? What are you doing?" Came a concerned call from behind him.

Roman groaned and turned to his twin brother, "I'm exploring the woods. Duh."

Logan raised an eyebrow, "the woods that no one has ever come back from?"

Roman laughed, "I didn't know you believed the tales Lo!"

Logan huffed, "I dont. But that doesn't change that those woods in particular are infested with dangerous creatures that will kill you."

"Added bonus then."

Logan groaned, "I swear, you'll give me a heart attack, you overdramatic, ridiculous, idiotic man."

Roman grinned, "I'm just going in for a few minutes, I'll only go a few feet. I promise."

Logan sighed, "fine."

Roman smiled and stepped inside the trees. He walked through the woods, his feet crunching on the pine straws carpeting the ground. He looked around, expecting to feel different, and sighed when nothing happened. He turned to his brother, "you were right Lo!" He turned around, "theres nothing he-" he broke off.

The thing that had caused his voice to stop dead in his throat was a small, floating blue thing. Unintelligible whispers came from it. Roman took a step toward it, sure that if he got closer it would tell him its secrets.

"Roman? Come on, let's go home!" Logans voice broke Roman out of his stupor. The wisp vanished.

"Oh... yeah! Coming!" Roman's gaze lingered on where the wisp was, and he turned and ran out of the woods.

-

Later that night, Roman had a strange dream.

The wisp was there, and it led him deeper and deeper into the forest, where a smiling man, with a freckled face and blue eyes, smiled and extended his arms. As if to give Roman a hug. Something in his face reminded Roman of someone. But he couldnt quite remember...

Roman woke up, panting. He got dressed in a frenzy, grabbing a bag and some food, before rushing to the forest and running in, looking around desperately for the wisp. Almost crying when he didnt see it. Then it turned up, with it's strange, haunting whispers. "You..."

The wisp bounced up and down. "Where do you want to take me?"

The wisp whispered, barely loud enough for Roman to hear, "follow."

Roman nodded, "ok"

The wisp took off, Roman running after it, so focused on it, that he didnt realize the tree roots moving out of his way, the branches moving to form a hallway. He followed the wisp so far that the trees grew taller than most of the buildings in his town, to a little glade where you couldnt see a hint of air pollution. The stars so clear and beautiful.

The sound of sobbing brought Roman to the present, he looked around, and saw the man from his dream. "Hello?"

The mans head jerked up and around, "oh, child... who brought you here?"

Roman looked around, "a- a wisp, but... where?"

The man smiled sadly, "ah, the tricksters."

Roman frowned, "what do you mean, 'the tricksters'? Who are you?"

The man shook his head, "its unwise to use names in the forest. If you must refer to me, call me Morality. As for the tricksters, they led you here for the hunters."

Roman growled, "who are the hunters!?"

Morality frowned, "it will be sunrise soon, you must leave the forest before the sun appears. Or the hunters will find you." Roman looked around nervously, "do you know the way home?"

Roman shook his head, "I followed the wi- trickster, here."

Morality nodded, "I see. Well, be on your way."

Roman stared, dumbstruck, "...but, I don't know how to get home..."

Morality smiled, "all roads lead home child, although not all lead back."

Roman groaned and turned around, "helpful. Could you at least point me the right-" he turned around to see... no one, "way?"

Roman set off through the forest, trying to guess the way back. As the moon dipped closer to the horizon, his search grew more and more desperate. Finally, the sky turned blood red, and then blue.

A howl sounded in the distance, followed by the sound of wild laughter. Roman's heart pounded, and he ran. He ran anywhere, with no goal in mind. He just needed to get away from that haunting howl and the terrifying laughter.

A creaking sound followed him. The sound trees would make if they could run. The laughter came with it.

Roman fell.

He looked back to see a thorny vine twisted around his legs, growing closer and closer to his torso. He tried and tried to push the brambles off. The vines only grew faster.

Morality appeared in front of him, tears falling down his face, "I'm sorry child."

Roman sobbed in despair, struggling against his thorny bonds. He managed to choke out one word, "why?"

Morality sobbed harder, "I- I hoped you could save me..." he conjured an image in his palms, "if someone destroys this, you and I, and all the others, will be freed." In his palms was the image of a crystal in a flowered field.

Roman looked around, and saw a man that looked just like Morality wrapped in vines. He looked around, and saw so, so many other forms wrapped in vines.

"Victims of the woods." Morality said sadly. "People who ventured into the woods."

The vines reached Roman's eyes. The last thing he saw was regret on Morality's face.

-

Roman woke up in the clearing he met Morality in.

Morality was sitting in the clearing, sobbing again. "Morality? What's happening?"

Morality looked st him in terror, "what are you doing here? They never come back after the hunters get them..."

"They?"

"The other people the tricksters preyed upon... they all moved on to... whatevers next."

"But...I didnt?"

Morality frowned, "no. You didnt."

-

Ten Years Later

-

Virgil walked downstairs, yawning. He could smell his favorite for dinner. Pizza.

"Hey L, Dee."

Declan smiled, "hey edge lord."

"Hey snake face."

Declan laughed, "that's a new one!"

Virgil gave a little bow, "thank you. It took me a gruelling 3 seconds to come up with."

Logan frowned, "3 seconds doesnt sound very gruelling?"

Declan rested a hand on his husbands shoulder, "sarcasm, dear," he explained.

Logan opened his mouth in a silent "oh" and went back to eating his pizza.

Virgil grimaced at Declans pizza, "I will never understand how you eat that." He said, gesturing to the pineapple-covered monstrosity.

Declan raised an eyebrow in Virgil's direction, "says the man who eats pizza with ranch."

Virgil snickered and started to eat.

They ate in silence for a while, before Declan looked at Virgil and cleared his throat, "Virgil?"

Virgil looked up, "yeah?"

Declan chewed the piercings on his bottom lip for a minute before speaking, "well, I got a new job opportunity, and Logan has a family house in a town near it. And we..."

"Have to move." Logan finished brusquely, his expression and voice cold.

Virgil frowned, "okaaay. L, you ok? You kinda look like you're about to murder someone."

Logans hand curled into a fist on the table, "it's fine. Just... some bad memories from that place."

Virgil nodded slowly, "ok. Well, cool."

Declan smiled, "oh thank fuck."

-

Virgil looked out the window of the car as they pulled up to big house that was Logans old house. It looked grand but empty, like all the life had been sucked out of it years ago.

Declan pulled into the driveway, "well, we're here." He turned to look at Virgil, "you sure you're good?"

Virgil smiled and nodded, "I'm fine Dee-Dad."

Declan chuckled, "nooooooo. I thought you forgot that!"

Virgil grinned evily, "nope."

Declan laughed, "well, Logan'll be here tomorrow with the truck. But in the meantime, let's get settled. Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

-

Two days later, most of the furniture was in the house, but there were still boxes everywhere. Virgil was overwhelmed by the clutter and decided to go exploring for a quiet spot to sit.

He had seen a forest on the edge of town when he and Dee drove in, so he decided to head there. He was nearing the edge when he heard a terrified voice cry out, "VIRGIL! NO!"

Virgil turned around to see Logan running toward him with a terrified look on his face, "L? What's up?"

Logan clutched his shoulders so hard it stung, "Virgil, you must promise me you will never, EVER, go into those woods. Do you understand?"

Virgil frowned, "L, wha-"

"PROMISE ME."

Virgil blinked. He couldnt remember a single time Logan had yelled at him. Not even when he ran away. "...I promise."

Logan sighed, "thank you. I apologize for my outburst but... just dont go into the forest."

Virgil nodded, and looked at the woods, trying to see what was so dangerous about them, when he saw a man standing there, looking, stricken, at Logan.

-

Roman looked at his brother, so grown up now. And the kid next to him, was that his son? ...He couldnt believe it. While he was frozen in time, everyone changed around him. He ran back to his clearing, eager to tell Morality what he had seen.

-

As Logan looked at Virgils faraway expression, terror gripped him. That same expression had been on Roman's face the day before... no. He couldnt think of that now. He had a son who needed him, and he was never, ever gonna let the forest take someone from him again.

-

Ten Years Ago

-

Logan yawned as he walked downstairs. "Logan, would you be a dear and wake your brother?" His mom called from the kitchen.

"Yeah. Sure." He walked back up and knocked on Roman's door, "hey dork. Wake up."

He frowned when there was no dramatic answer or offended gasp, and opened the door himself.

The window was open, curtains blowing in the wind. A note laid on the pillow.

'I saw something in the woods. And I had a weird dream. I think it's a sign. If I'm not back in the morning... well, I think you can know what happened. I love you bro. Love, Roman.'

Logan gasped in horror and ran downstairs clutching the note, "MOM, DAD!"

An hour later, he sat on the couch bei ng comforted by his boyfriend as his Dad frantically called everyone in town.

No one had seen Roman.

All Logan could say was, "my fault."

-

Ten Years Later

-

Virgil paced around his room. Who was the man in the forest? Why was Logan so scared of it? Why did the man look like he knew Logan? The man in the woods looked just like Logan, why? Virgil frowned when an idea came into his head.

He tiptoed downstairs into the living room, and a light switched on.

Logan sat there, dark circles under his eyes and his hair messier than Virgil had ever seen it. "Virgil? Where are you going?"

Virgil frowned, "you look like shit."

Logan sighed, "I know I just... had to make sure you wouldn't sneak out to the forest."

Virgil frowned, "trust me dad, I'm not."

Logan sighed in relief and leaned back, "ok. What do you need?"

Virgil looked at the small bookshelf full of photo albums, "did you have a twin brother?"

Logan froze, "Did Declan tell you?"

Virgil shook his head, "no, no, just... in the woods, I saw a man that looked like you."

Logan gasped and stood up. As he paced he muttered under his breath, "no... that's not possible... it's been ten years... he would've come back if he was alive..."

"Wait, what do you mean, 'if he was alive'?"

Logan looked at Virgil, "take me to where you saw him."

Virgil frowned, "but you sai-"

"Virgil." Logan looked to his son with tears in his eyes, "please..."

Virgil gasped, Logan NEVER cried, "yeah... yeah ok dad."

Logan nodded and walked out towards the car.

-

Logan pulled up next to the woods, where Virgil had seen the man, Roman, Logan told him.

Logan ran to the edge, never stepping past the tree line, calling Roman's name. Virgil ran after him, making sure his dad never strayed too close.

Hours after they started their search, Roman appeared. Logan glared at the sadly smiling man, and started to yell. "You... you... you IDIOT! Do you have ANY idea how much I grieved for you! Do you have any idea how you affected ALL of us? The LEAST you could've done was SHOW UP at the house but NOOOOO! Roman Sanders needs to be DRAMATIC! I thought you were DEAD!"

Roman just looked at him.

Logan broke down sobbing, "SAY something goddamnit! SAY SOMETHING TO ME COWARD!"

Roman opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

Logan frowned at him, "Roman what-?"

Roman stuck his tounge out, but it was brown and... sharp? Then Virgil realized... it wasnt his tounge.

It was a thorny vine, growing out of Roman's mouth... longer and longer until it reached the ground. Then Virgil blinked, and it was gone. Along with Roman himself.

"Dad? ...what was that?"

Logan stared at the spot Roman had been.

"Dad?"

Virgil's terrified voice snapped Logan back to reality, "get to the car..."

Virgil turned and ran without another road, Logan close behind.

-

"Dad? Where are we going?"

Logan looked back at his son, "to see the craziest person in town. The one who knows the woods the best."

Virgil nodded, and was quiet for a while before asking, "what happened to uncle Roman?"

Logan sighed, "he was an idiot, and decided that he just HAD to explore the woods. I saw him, and I didnt stop him... he only went a few feet but... he saw something... and that night he snuck out-"

"So THATS why you were waiting in the living room!"

"...yes. But, he snuck out, and I never saw him again."

"Until tonight?"

"Yeah. Until tonight."

-

Logan pulled into a house with a lawn overgrown with weird smelling plants and trees. The roof looked on the verge of collapse and the garage had fallen in on itself.

"Logan? It looks like no one lives here."

Logan shook his head, "no... he just never cleans up the outside."

Logan walked up and knocked on the door, "Picani?"

The door creaked open slowly. Virgil held his breath, expecting to see a haggard old witch.

He did not expect the beaming man who jumped at Logan to hug him. "Logi!"

Logan smiled, "Hey Emile, hows Remy?"

Emile grinned, "oh he's wonderful! Hes actually inside with Kai right now!"

Logan frowned, "Kai?"

"Our son!"

Logan gasped and smiled, "oh my god, Emile! That's wonderful!"

Virgil frowned, "I thought we were going to see the craziest person in town?"

Logan laughed, "oh yeah! Virgil, this is Dee's brother, your uncle Emile!"

Emile held out his hand, "hey there!" He frowned at Logan as he shook Virgils hand, "'craziest person in town'?"

Logan looked sheepish, "welllll-"

Emile rolled his eyes, "Remy's not crazy. Logan just thinks so because he's seen the things in the forest."

Logan became serious very quickly, "ah, speaking of, I need to speak to him."

Emile frowned, "Logi? What happened?"

Logans eyes started tearing up again, "I- I saw Roman... in the woods."

Emile frowned, "yeah, ok."

He turned and beckoned them in. Virgil followed Logan as they walked in.

-

Emile walked into the kitchen, where a man wearing sunglasses inside for some reason was trying to get a toddler to go to bed.

"Kai hon, please go to bed? You're gonna be tired and cranky tomorrow."

"But I wanna stay awake up with you and Papa!"

"I know you do sweetheart but I'm gonna go to bed soon sweetie."

Kai pouted and started tugging on his dads onesie "Daaaaaaaad!"

Emile laughed and scooped Kai up, "hes not going to bed then?"

Remy sighed and kissed his husband, "no. No he is not." He poked Kai in the stomach, "the little troublebug!"

Kai squealed, "Dad! Noooooo!"

Remy laughed, but his face quieted when he saw Logans tear-streaked face, "...Lo?"

Kai gasped, "Is that uncle Logan?"

Emile bounce Kai up and down, "why dont you join Ellie upstairs ok sweetheart?"

"Whys uncle Logan here?"

"He has to talk to Dad about something."

"Can I hear?"

"No sweetie, go join your sib upstairs."

"I-" Kai stopped talking to yawn, "I dont wanna, I'm not sleepy yet!"

"But Elliott wants you to say goodnight to them!"

Kai gasped, "can I sleep in Ellies bed?"

Emile smiled, "sure thing! Let's go ok?"

Kai nodded, smiling, "ok Papa!"

As they left Remy huffed in exasperation, "I spend thirty minutes trying to get that kid in bed and Emile does it in what? Five minutes?"

Logan laughed, "tough life my friend."

Remy turned to Logan, "so. What do you need?"

Logan sighed, "look, Remy-"

"Nope. Why are you here."

"Remy."

"I dont want to hear it. Why are you here?"

"I saw Roman."

Remy froze, "...where?"

"In the woods."

"What happened?"

"I-I yelled at him, and, and then... thorns started... started growing out of his mouth."

"Thorns?"

"Like a thorny vine."

Remy turned to Virgil, "did the kid see it too?"

"...yes."

"Ok, leave."

"Remy-"

"Its not because I'm mad at you. Its because kids are easier to read. So, out."

Logan looked at Remy for a second, "ok." He turned to his son, "dont worry, Remys a good person. I'll be right outside if it gets to much ok?"

"Ok dad."

Remy put a hand on their sunglasses, "I'm gonna take these off, dont freak out when you see my eyes, k?"

"Ok."

Remy took off his sunglasses and his eyes...

His eyes were a kaleidoscope.

Virgil shrunk under those multicolored eyes, feeling as if they were sinking into every inch of him, reading all of his experiences, all of his thoughts... all of his feelings. "Stop... stop... STOP! DAD! DAD!"

Logan burst in and grabbed Virgils shoulders, "Virgil. Virgil honey I need you to look at my eyes."

"But... but the breathing... the breathing stuff."

"Virgil."

Virgil met Logans eyes and stared into their calming blue. And his breathing slowed and clamed.

Logan glared at Remy, "Remus Orion Somnus!"

Remys eyes widened, "shiiiiiit" he said under his breath.

"Didnt you WARN HIM?"

"I- I told him not to- not to freak out but- but I-"

"That doesnt COUNT! You have to tell them about how it feels dumbass!"

Remy sneered and sat up, "I wouldnt have to if you hadnt LOST Roman!"

Logans face stilled, "Virgil. We're leaving."

Virgil looked up at Logan, "but what about Roman?"

Logan stood up, pulling Virgil gently with him, "we'll... we'll get him back some other way."

Remy got up and stalked out, "like he'd want to see YOU."

Logan stormed out, tears streaming down his face.

-

(I ran out of room so I guess this is multichaptered now? Reply is you want more.)

[haloud]

take a chance and don’t ever look back -- chapter 3

ao3

Ten miles west of Lubbock, Michael takes the exit and turns around. His good hand white-knuckles the wheel; his bad hand burns on the sun-baked sill of the window. He merges on the eastbound and wonders what the fuck he’s doing. It’ll still be light out when he makes it back to the city. What he’s doing is dumb enough without the extra time for feeling foolish while he waits around for the bars to open.

Thing is, Michael wants to feel again.

Through death and loss and loneliness, his whole world’s just been…white noise. An overstressed processor whine. Nothing fixes it; nothing makes it stop. He’s tried booze, he’s tried acetone, he’s tried turning his trailer into a tourist trap for bored housewives.

None of it worked. Not one bit. So god, maybe it is men. It’s not that Michael’s never looked at a man since Alex, it’s just that when rough hands grab him by the waist, when stubble rasps against his skin, looking at the guy feels like curdled milk and closing his eyes is the kind of temptation that can stop a man’s heart. He’s never gone far enough with any man to start crying out Alex’s name.

Maybe that’s gonna change tonight. If Alex Manes wanted an army wife, he should’ve got down on one knee. It’s been four years. He’s done saving himself for his brave soldier boy, ‘specially when it’s not like Alex ever even asked him to.

(He’d have said yes, in a heartbeat, and then where would they be?)

The ranch doesn’t send him out this far very often, so if Michael doesn’t take this opportunity then it could be months before he gets another. Even so, he almost doesn’t go. What if this is the answer, and Michael just needs to fuck men for a while? Almost better not to know, for all the good it’ll do him. Lord knows you can’t get cock in Roswell without it becoming a federal fucking issue.

But god he wants to feel again.

So he gets a cheap burger and puts his feet up on the dash, and after the sun goes down he pulls into the parking lot of the kind of bar they don’t have in Roswell. Inside, haze clings to every surface, wraps and flows to let the patrons pass. The rumble of voices blends with the bassy music into something that tastes a little like drinking whiskey and a lot like kissing after. A crowd mills around the bar, calling out for drinks, leaning on each other; a larger crowd mills around the floor, dancing, grinding, talking real close. Men and men. Women and women. It’s like every bar he’s ever been to. It’s like the snap of a bungee rope that pulls him out of freefall back to safety. Michael takes a deep, steadying breath, flexes his ruined hand, and struts inside like he belongs.

He doesn’t even make it all the way to the bar before a man in a white hat is tipping the brim at him and drawling, “Buy you a drink?”

Michael drags his gaze from the man’s feet up to his face. Tall and broad, with a wide chest and thick shoulders, this is a man who could lift Michael one-handed, hold him down, toss him around. Michael licks his lips and feels…

Nothing.

Well, not nothing. His hindbrain perks up the same way it does when he winks a woman over the hood of her car and she slides a little closer. So at least that’s one thing answered. This is for him. This is him. He could give this man a smile and a little of his time; he could slide into this man’s truck and go on his back and get a taste of forgetting old-fashioned style.

He just doesn’t really want to, and goddamnit that’s the problem.

Still, there’s something new and delicious about being looked at by a man in a crowded room, so Michael won’t brush him off. He tilts his chin towards the bar and says, “Thanks for the invite, but I’ve got this round. Maybe I’ll see you around some other time?”

The big guy shrugs good-naturedly and ambles back to a table, where his buddies laugh and tease him for striking out. A pang of envy flashes through Michael and he breathes it out like all other useless regrets.

Drinking. Drinking is a good idea. This is an unfamiliar environment; a stressor. If he loosens up and finds his rhythm, maybe he’ll get more into it. He shoulders past a gaggle of bystanders to plant his elbows on the bartop and orders a beer at random.

As she pops the cap, the bartender, a grizzled-looking woman with thick, graying hair in a messy bun and laugh lines around her eyes, glances at him sideways and asks, “First time?”

Michael blinks, reflexively clenches his hands. He flicks through reactions in his mind—defensive, suave, running out the door and never looking back…finally he clears his throat and manages, “Small town. This’s my last night out here, so I figured…”

The bartender nods and just says wrenchingly simple:

“Welcome.”

And moves on to another customer.

Michael needs to sit down.

He collapses into a newly-vacated stool and wraps both palms around the cold glass of the bottle. This place is crowded and loud in a way the Wild Pony never is. It pulses; it’s alive. Michael’s eyes flutter shut; he searches for his heartbeat inside the rhythm.

He’s jostled out of his thoughts by a bony elbow catching him in the shoulder as some kid—well, probably close to Michael’s age, but he looks young, looks fresh, in a way Michael doesn’t know he’s ever looked—reaches past him to grab a pair of cocktails. Drinks in hand, he floats over to the nearest table, where a single dark-haired man nurses a single drink and sits with his back to the bar.

“Hey, soldier, wanna have some fun?” The kid asks, draping himself over the table’s other chair.

“Sorry,” a wry voice shouts over the pounding bass, “You’re cute, but curly hair doesn’t really do it for me.”

Michael snorts against the lip of his beer. Nerve of some people. Still, there’s something to that voice, a little hint of swagger that makes Michael sit up and take notice, makes him think maybe, makes him think finally, makes him think wanna go for a ride? The bold little twink that just got snubbed sticks his nose up in the air and stalks away through the haze. It doesn’t take him long to find someone else who’ll take the spare drink off his hands and lead him grinning to the dance floor. Michael gestures at the bartender for another beer, and once it’s slid his way he rolls his shoulders to loosen up, rolls his neck to hear it pop, and rolls his hips off the bar to make people look his way. The guy at the table, of course, doesn’t get the benefit of Michael’s performance, but it’s still an unexpected rush to be seen, now that he’s got a challenge to meet.

Soldier, the kid had said, and this guy may be out of uniform, but Michael can see it. His firm posture; his close-cropped hair. The measured way he curls his hand around his glass, takes a sip, and puts it back in the exact same place. A ready smirk teases Michael’s lips as he makes his way over.

“Soldier, huh?” He says aloud, putting the beer on the table with a thunk. “That a line you get often or the real thing? You gonna show me some discipline?” A flush revs the engine in his veins. He doesn’t know if he’s gunning for a fight or for a fuck, but he’ll take either one so long as this feeling doesn’t slip through his fingers.

Until the screech of chair legs on the wood floor drowns out all other sound. Everything but the ringing in his ears.

Because Alex Manes is looking back at him.

Shattering glass would hurt people. Chairs flying in every direction too. React too strongly and you’ll bust something important, maybe start a fire. Hold it together. This building has three exits and a fire door as well as a storage room with a lock behind the bar and probably cellar access.  You have a clear line of sight to the bathrooms if you need a place to hide or panic. You are not trapped. No one here wants to hurt you. Your truck has enough gas to make it back to Roswell without stopping. There is no need to panic.

Count back from ten. A safe release: let the cars outside rock a little on their suspensions. Nine. Stretch the fingers on your left hand. Eight. Breathe in. Seven. Alex looks scared. Six. Do something about it. Five. Breathe out. Four. Put down your other beer so you have both hands free. Three. Say something. Two. No, not yet. One.

Alex.

He’s walking away.

He’d be running if he wasn’t controlling himself so tightly. Instead he takes it at a march, stiff-jointed and robotic. Michael scrambles after him, half-dreaming, ears ringing out a plaintive whine that he stuffs behind his teeth. He chases Alex in slow motion through the crowd and the swirling air, towards the secluded back of the bar and the back door hidden in a little alcove.

“Alex!” He cries, and the man jerks like Michael threw a fist instead. Unable to stop himself, Michael grabs his shoulder with his broken hand, and wheels him around so he can drink in the sight of that face.

It’s him. Undeniably, irrefutably. Michael didn’t recognize his voice over the noise, over the sound of him grown into its depth and timbre. But it’s him, and Michael reaches out his hands like maybe, maybe, he won’t be turned away.

“Guerin,” Alex groans, and Michael bobs his head pathetically, like yes, like please, like help me, like hello.

They collide.

Face pale and set like he’s hunting a ghost, Alex cups Michael’s face and turns them so Michael’s the one with his back to the wall. He marches them forward, and Michael lopes back in step. The rest of the world fades out to a dull throb, an unimportant ache. Michael snatches at Alex’s clothes to drag him in. They’re not moving fast enough. Michael used to think they had time, but now he knows it was never true, and his has never been the hand on the hourglass.

“Aaanh!”

The sound rips itself out of Michael’s chest as he throws himself against the wall, twisting his hand in the bottom of Alex’s clinging red shirt. Their mouths slam together, all momentum. Michael opens his mouth to take Alex’s tongue with a loud moan. Alex hisses in response; his forearms thud against the wall on either side of Michael’s head a millisecond later, bracing himself instead of crushing Michael the way Michael wishes he would. He wants the bruises, wants the bloody lip, wants a clawing, scratching sting he can rub against in the morning.

If he can’t have a dance, he can have this much.

Goading, he shoves his hands under Alex’s clothes and drags his dull nails in the spaces between Alex’s ribs. He’s heavy with muscle now, but he’s still soft to touch like the boy Michael loved in a pale blue suit. Alex tears his mouth away to pant against Michael’s jaw. His fists clench and Michael’s hips twitch at the creak of bone and tendon and power at the edge of his hearing.

“Touch me,” he says, “Alex, touch me,” because what does he have to lose, “Alex, it’s me, it’s you, touch me.”

“I can’t,” Alex gasps, breathy and cracked and tasting like salt, “Oh no, oh God, it’s you, oh—”

“You can. You can.” Michael cups the back of his neck so they can kiss again, sloppy and hot. Alex smells like leather, like metal, like secondhand smoke. Michael’s spent three days in his truck, so he knows what he smells like too—rose petals and gasoline and wax. That’s what Alex is breathing in with every drag of his lungs. Him.

“What are you doing here,” Alex pleads, “Why are you here, I can’t, I can’t—”

“What are you doing here?”

And Alex laughs, rude and wet, a sound from the bottom of his stomach. “Why are we doing this, Guerin? Why’d you even walk my way? Nothing’s changed!”

“Nothing’s changed,” Michael agrees, pressing their foreheads together. He wants to beg Alex to let it be true. But he doesn’t. Used to be there was no need for dignity, here, but maybe some things have changed after all. Michael kisses Alex above each unlined eye, on the bridge of his nose, holds him close to brush his lips on either ear. Still and tense like he’s bracing against a storm, Alex makes little choking noises at every touch of his mouth, and a low cry escapes when Michael pulls back to press kisses to his fingertips.

Nothing’s changed. Alex can shove and cut and hide away whatever he needs to keep himself safe, but Michael can still read the ink beneath his skin. This is it, the answer, the solace he’s been seeking. It didn’t die, Michael didn’t kill it and burn it to ash while the silent stars looked on. Alex just took it with him when he left.

It’s okay to be without it, now, if Alex needs it more.

“Nothing’s changed,” Michael says in a raspy whisper, as he rearranges and recategorizes and everything does.

Instead of replying, Alex bares his teeth and fastens them to the meat of Michael’s shoulder, exposed by the stretched-out collar of his shirt, sending a slick shiver from his scalp to his toes. It’s nothing at all like understanding, but it fills a need enough right now. All his animal instincts roll his head to the side to expose the softest parts of him.

“Guerin,” Alex half-whispers, half-sobs. Michael runs his fingers across Alex’s scalp. He nods. He knows.

Being with Alex has always been music enough to dance to, but tucked away in this corner away from the world, they don’t. They don’t shuffle. They don’t sway.

The world moves on in beat and time, and they don’t move at all.

[a-winchester-fairytale]

Big Dreams & Broken Hearts

Summary: He was running from a past he couldn’t change, searching for a home.  She was running from the only home she had ever known.  When their dreams collide, they end up mending more than fences.

Word Count: 13,520

Warnings: angst, fluff, mention of loss

A/N: This is my entry for the @deanwbigbang ​and I hope you all enjoy reading these words as much as I enjoyed writing them.  Please feel free to let me know what you think.  A huge thank you to red_b_reckham for the lovely artwork and to @laughablelaments for taking the time to beta for me.

  Chapter 1:

 Dean looked out at the vastness before him, taking a deep breath of the cold mountain air.  His gelding snorted beneath him impatiently as smoke from his hot breath floated up into the oblivion.  Dean ran his gloved hand down the gelding’s neck to calm him, leaning forward until he could smell the horse flesh mixed with leather from his saddle.

 Dean loved this time of day, when the world was just waking up and everything was quiet and still.  He loved the peacefulness in the air as his eyes traced over the miles of rolling hills, the snow kissed mountains barely visible in the distance.  It was the main reason he had wanted to move out west with his brother Sam after their parents died.  Sam had barely been 16 at the time, and the idea of a new adventure was an easy sell for 19 year old Dean.  Now, 9 years later, they had made a home in Cascade Springs.

 The horse whined underneath him, pawing at the ground impatiently and Dean chuckled.  “Okay, okay.”  Dean whispered, slightly leaning into him with his knees as he turned the reins.  He kept him at a steady cantor, but the horse kept pulling until finally Dean gave in and released the hold a little, giving him permission to run.  It wasn’t very often that he felt so spunky and Dean figured the chill that was slapping his face had a lot to do with it.

 Dean stopped in front of the barns, getting a set of saddlebags from the tack room.  “I’ve got to run and get some longer nails so the boys can finish that fence line on the back 40.  Probably meet up with Sam for lunch while I’m there.”  Dean called out to Bobby as he tied everything back down.    

 The ranch boss poked his head out from behind the corrals where two of the ranch hands were working on breaking a young colt.  Dean chuckled and shook his head as the rider was once again tossed into the dirt.  The colt wasn’t that green, at least not as wild as Dean was used to breaking.  Dean put one boot in the stirrup and pulled himself up in one fluid motion, the saddle creaking a little as he settled into it.  He eased himself forward until he was just outside of the round pen.

 “You want a little water to wash down that dirt you’re eating?”  He teased, letting out an airy chuckle at the dirty look he got in return.

 “Very funny, Winchester.”  The young hand smarted back at him.  Bobby just shook his head at the two of them, knowing that the more the cowboy allowed Dean to get under his skin, the more he would pester him.

 “Would you pick up a couple of boxes of ammo for the rifle while you’re there?”  Bobby asked, in an attempt to quell the argument.  “Tell your brother hi for me.  Haven’t seen him in a while.”  He added, turning to go back to work.

 “Sure you don’t want me to tell that to Ellen instead.”  Dean teased and Bobby glared at him, but his cheeks blushed.

 “Get out of here!”  Bobby scolded him, but Dean only laughed as he spun his horse around and galloped off in the direction of town.  “Idjit.” Bobby muttered behind him.

 Abigail stared at the old ranch house, her memories flashing before her eyes.  She could almost see her mother hanging wash as her father fixed the roof on the barn.  It had been six years since she had been in the town she grew up in.  She could still remember the look on her parent’s face when their only child, in all of her 18 year old wisdom, told them she was packing up and leaving to find adventure out in the world.

 Everything they had worked for, everything they had tried to build, they had done for her.  But she didn’t want any of it.  She wanted to explore, so she said her goodbyes and rode away.  She sent postcards at first, but she never really knew if her mother read them, or if her father threw them away.  She never stayed in one place long enough to know if they wrote back.

 It took six months before she got the word that they had passed away.  At first she didn’t want to face it.  She couldn’t imagine this place without them, so she let it sit untouched and unloved.  Now she stared at the result.  Storms and time had done their damage to the place, and she knew she would have to fix it up if she ever expected to get it sold.

 She turned when she heard another horse slow down as it passed.  The rider, one she had never seen before, glanced her way before moving onward toward the town.   After a while, she took a deep breath and climbed back on her horse, heading to town, and to what was left of the family she had left behind all those years ago.

 Dean dusted off the bottom of his boots on the welcome mat before entering the store, although the floors inside were constantly covered in the dust from the street anyway.

 “Morning Cas.”  He said to the store owner as he came in.

 “Hello Dean.”  Cas replied, climbing down from the ladder where he had been stocking the top shelf behind the register.  “Anything I can get for you?”

 “Just came to get some nails and a couple of boxes of 30/30.” Dean answered him, walking back to weigh out a pound of nails.

 He heard a woman come in, asked Cas about some balm that the ferrier had told her to pick up for her horse.  Cas stammered a little, unsure of what she meant.  Dean chuckled a little as he heard Cas pull out his inventory book and flip through the pages nervously talking the entire time.

 Dean shook his head and reached down on the shelf behind him to pick of a can of the horse balm.  He whistled and when Cas looked up, he tossed the can to him.  With obvious relief, Cas handed the product to his customer, pointing out the instructions on the side.  As she walked out of the store, Cas sat back onto the stool behind him.  Dean set down the bag of nails and ammo on the counter in front of him. 

 “Maybe this was a mistake and I should just go back to New York.”  Cas muttered to himself.  Dean sighed, feeling bad for Cas. 

 “Come on, Cas.  It can’t be that bad.”  

 “Really?  I don’t even know what half of the stuff in this store is, or what it’s for.”  Cas admitted in frustration. 

 “Okay, so you’re a little city-fied.”  Dean teased.  Cas looked up at him, and then managed to laugh at himself.  “You came all the way out here for a reason, right?”

 Dean knew most of the awkwardness with Cas came from the fact that he had never been outside of the city before six months ago.  Cas had just bought the general store as it was, hopped on a train, and then rode in a carriage for 5 hours to live and work in a place he had never even seen.

 “Well, yes.”  Cas answered.  “I wanted to prove that I could do something on my own, instead of just living in my father’s shadow and doing everything he told me to do back home.  I just wanted to be free to make my own choices.”

 “It takes guts to take a chance like you did.”  Dean told him.  “If this is really want you want, then just don’t give up on yourself so easily.  You’ll get there.”

 “Thanks, Dean.”  Cas said, standing up and shaking his hand.  “Is this all for the ranch?”  he asked, gesturing to the items on the counter.

 Dean nodded.

 “I’ll add it to the tab.”  Cas told him.

 “I appreciate it.” Dean replied, grabbing the supplies and walking out of the store.

 Dean placed the items in his saddlebag and sauntered across the dirt street to the sheriff’s office.  The bell above the door jingled as he entered and the sheriff turned to face him just as he opened the jail cell to let out the previous night’s patron.

 “Hiya Sammy.”  Dean said, nodding to the other gentleman.  The older man groaned and gave him a quick wave of his hand as Dean stepped to the side to let him pass through the front door.  “Who’s your friend?”

 “Just a drunk and disorderly.” Sam answered, ignoring the use of his childhood nickname.  He set the jail keys back on the hook above his desk.  “What are you doing here?”  He asked.

 “Supply run.  Want to head over to Ellen’s for lunch?”  Dean offered.  Sam looked at the clock and shrugged.  It was a little early, but he was already getting hungry so he agreed.

 The two of them entered Ellen’s through the bar, the swinging doors squeaking a little as they stepped inside.  The bar was mostly quiet at this time of day and the smell of wood and whiskey did nothing to dim the scent of good food coming from the restaurant next door.  

 “Morning boys.”  Ellen called out as she descended the stairs along the far wall, stopping at the bottom to only briefly run her fingers lovingly along the top of an old upright piano.  As far as Dean knew, no one had played it since Ellen’s brother past from the influenza three years ago and left her his bar.  At times, he couldn’t help but wonder if it even still played.

 Both of them greated Ellen as she walked past, heading into the office behind the bar where her daughter, Jo, was cleaning glasses.  Jo smiled sweetly at them as Sam tipped his hat and followed his older brother to right, through the open French doors to the restaurant seating area.  

 Abigail walked into the saloon and immediately heard an excited screech come from the bar beside her.  She looked over and laughed as Jo leapt over the bar and ran up to her, hugging her tightly. 

 “I can’t believe you are really here!”  She said, attracting more attention than Abigail would have liked, but she couldn’t be mad at the warm greeting she got.

 “It’s good to see you too.”  Abigail replied, still laughing.  Jo felt her tense up and she pulled away to see Ellen step out of the office to see them both.  Jo squeezed Abigail’s hand and returned to her place behind the bar.

 “Abigail?”  Ellen asked unsure.  The girl nodded.

 “It’s me, Aunt Ellen.”  Abigail said and walked over to hug her aunt.

 “My word.  I had almost given up hoping that you would come back.”  She said.

 “This place hasn’t changed a bit.”  Abigail said whistfully as she glanced around.  Ellen followed her glance and smiled.

 “Well, there have been a few changes.”  She replied.  Ellen had been surprised at first when she inherited the bar, and she got several offers to buy it almost immediately, but instead she knocked down some walls and combined it with her restaurant.  She offered waitressing jobs to the saloon girls if they chose to stay, eventually converting the upstairs into living quarters for her and Jo.

 Before Abigail could say anything she heard the familiar voice of Ellen’s cook come up behind her and grab her hair, lifting it up off of her neck.

 “You know what’s under every pony tail?”  Benny’s cajun drawl asked.  Abigail spun around, a fire in her eyes as she glared at him.

 “Finish that thought and I’ll have you singing soprano for a week.”  She threatened, and everyone around scooted away for a moment.  Suddenly, and without any warning, Benny laughed and lifted Abigail off of the ground to spin her in the air.

 “Still full of fire.”  He teased, setting her back down.  “How you been girl?”

 “Good as I can be, I suppose.”  She replied.  Seeing them all was a bittersweet feeling.  She had missed Ellen, Jo, and Benny, but seeing them also reminded her of why she came and that her parents were really gone.  

 “Have you been out there yet?”  Ellen asked, and Abigail nodded.  

“It needs a lot of work before I can sell it.  I’m probably going to have to hire someone to help me with it all.”  She commented.

 “Sell it?  I thought you would stay.”  Ellen told her, obviously disappointed.

 “I’m sorry, Ellen.  Please understand, this hasn’t been my home for a long time.”  Abigail told her.  Ellen nodded, pushing the hope away into the back of her mind that Abigail would change her mind.

 “You come on by for dinner tonight, and we will catch up some.”  Ellen offered

 “I will.”  Abigail promised, turning to walk away

 “A horse’s a----“  Benny called out behind her.

 “Benny!”  She cut him off and he chuckled all the way back into the kitchen.

 Abigail just shook her head and walked back out of the saloon, heading to the general store for some supplies.  

 “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her before.”  Sam commented, watching the scene but not close enough to hear the conversation.

 “I saw her out at the old abandoned place on my way into town.”  Dean replied as he watched her leave.

 “She’s their daughter.”  One of the girls replied, noticing Dean’s glance as she poured another glass of tea for each of them.  “I heard her telling Jo she wants to get some help fixing the place up so she can sell it.” 

 “Thanks, Sweetheart.”  Dean told her, giving her a quick wink just to see her blush.  She smiled and walked away from the table.  Sam scowled at his older brother, shaking his head.  “What?”

 “Nothing, Dean.”  Sam answered, knowing that his words would fall on deaf ears.  Sam had seen way too many girls fall for his flirtations and then end up with their heart broke when they discovered that Dean didn’t want anything more than that.

 “We should offer to help her fix up that little ranch.”  Dean thought out loud, raising his eyebrows at Sam. 

 “Have you been out there lately, Dean? That place needs a lot of work.”

 “That’s exactly my point.  We can help fix it up for the extra money, and when it’s done and she wants to sell it, we should have enough saved to buy it.”

 “And what about Bobby’s ranch, and the sheriff’s office?  We both work full days as it is.  When exactly are we supposed to do all this extra work?”  Sam groaned.

 “Don’t worry about Bobby’s.  I can do both.”  Dean promised.  “It’s only a mile out of town.  I’d probably only need your help for a few things.  Just ride out on days when nothing much is going on around here.”

 “You really think it’s worth it?”  Sam asked him.  Dean nodded.

 “It’s perfect for you and Eileen – and the two of you are going to need more room than that shack you got now that you are going to be parents.  You guys can live in that house that’s already out there and she can have her garden.  I’ll build a little house out there and run the cattle and horses.  It’s everything we dreamed of, Sam.”

 Sam couldn’t help grinning at Dean’s excitement.  He knew Dean was right about needing more room.  Sam had already begun making a crib and a few other things they would need in 5 months when the baby came, and there was hardly any room for them to move around in the one room house that came with the sheriff’s position.  

 “Alright.”  Sam agreed.  “I can’t promise you much help, but I’ll do what I can.”  

   Chapter 2:

 “I heard you wanted some help fixing this place up.”  Dean said, leaning on the saddle horn.

 “Well, I wouldn’t turn it down.”  Abigail replied, brushing the hair from her face with the back of her hand.  

 “I’m Dean.”  He told her, climbing down from his horse and slipping into the coral with her.

 “Abigail.” She replied, taking his hand.

 Dean lifted the board she had set down and put it flush with the post.  When he reached for a nail, Abigail placed both of her hands under the board to hold it in place.

 “I work down the road a ways during the day, but if you’re open to it, I can be here every evening without fail until this place is up to shape.”  Dean spoke as he hammered the nails to secure the walls of the corral.  When he was done, he tugged on it to be sure it would hold and then laid the hammer to the side.  “I can probably get my brother to help with some of it too.”  He added.

 Abigail considered it as the two of them stepped out of the corral and she led her horse inside.  It wasn’t perfect, but it was the only offer she had gotten and she knew she could never do all of the work that needed to be done on her own.

 Dean filled buckets from the water barrels Ellen and Benny had delivered. Abigail took them, grateful, and poured them into her horse's trough. She'd have a couple of days, at most, to get her well fixed before the barrels ran out.

 “And if I ask the sheriff about you?”  She challenged, surprised when Dean laughed.  “what?”  She asked.

 “Go ahead.  I’m sure you will get an earful.  We’re on a first name basis.”  He teased, not realizing how it sounded until he saw the look of panic on her face.  “He’s my brother.”  Dean explained and she shook her head, turning away to hide the smile on her face.

 “You have a deal, Dean.”  She said, turning back to him.  “Thanks.”

 The two of them walked around the area discussing the items that needed fixed, and which should be addressed when.  Although the amount of pay she offered was less than Dean made at Bobby’s, it was more than he expected her to offer.  By the end of the day, the list of repairs included the water well, the roof of the house, some of the boards in the porch, some cosmetic work inside that Abigail was sure she could handle herself during the day, a couple of the walls of the barn, and some fence repairs.

 “We may find a few more things as we start working on everything, but I think that would get you to a point where you could sell if you wanted to.”  Dean told her as he climbed back onto his horse.

 “That’s great.  I’ll go into town and get what we need to fix the well tomorrow so it will be here by the time you’re ready to start.”  She promised.

 Dean reached up and tipped the edge of his hat before turning and riding off down the road.

 For two weeks Dean showed up every evening as promised, working until it got too dark to see.  Abigail did as much work on the house as she could, and even proved to be a help with fixing the fence line.  When Sam finally had a few days of quiet in town, he rode out to help Dean make some repairs to the roof of the house.

 “How’s it going?”  Abigail asked stiffly, walking up and glancing over at what Dean was doing.  

 Dean glanced back at her, squinting a little at the sun behind her.  “It’s going.”  He replied, clearing his throat.  He turned, dusting off his gloves, so he could face her.  “Should be done with this in a couple of hours.”  He added.

 “Are you sure you want to do it that way?”  She asked, trying to hide that she was impressed with the quality, or that her eyes couldn’t help but notice the way the cloth of his shirt stretched over his arms and back.  

 Dean’s shoulders dropped a little and he sighed.  “If you want it done right, yes.”  He said under his breath.  She started to say more, but stopped herself. 

 “Are you heading back into town after?”  She asked instead.

 “Keeping tabs on me?”  he challenged, unable to resist teasing her a bit.

 “Don’t flatter yourself.”  She answered snidely.  She rolled her eyes before spinning on her heel and marching away.  Dean shook his head, chuckling as he watched her go.

 “You two sure are bickering a lot.”  Sam commented from the roof as he watched Abigail storm off toward the corrals.

 “That’s everyday.”  Dean told him.  “I tried to help her the other day with those cabinets, but she wouldn’t listen.  I guarantee you, the way she was hanging them, they won’t last and they will have to be redone.” 

 “And I’m guessing that is exactly how you told her.”  Sam teased.  Dean glared up at him and then shook his head, turning his attention back to the boards he was sawing.

 “I’m telling you, Sam.  You ought to bring Eileen out here with you.  Maybe she can keep Abigail busy for a little while, so I can get this done the right way.”  Dean told him.

 “I’m pretty sure the two of them will end up ganging up on you.”  Sam teased.  Dean thought about it for a moment and then agreed.

 “You’re probably right about that one.”  Dean chuckled at the thought.  “I’m going to grab some more boards.”  He added, turning and heading across the yard.

 Sam called out to Dean as he walked to the barn.  Dean turned, but every time Sam tried to holler for him to bring another bucket of tar, his words were lost to the wind before they reached him.  Sam signed to him.  When Dean didn’t catch all of it, Sam did it a second time.  Dean threw up his thumb and headed into the barn.  A few minutes later, he came back carrying when he needed and a fresh bucket for Sam.

 Later, after Dean rode back to the ranch, Abigail walked up to Sam as he was putting his tools back in his saddlebags.

 “That should hold up good, but if there are any leaks when the rain comes, it will just take a little more tar to seal it up.”  Sam told Abigail.

 “Sam, can I ask you something?”  She asked.

 “Ask away.”

 “Earlier, when you told Dean to get that bucket of tar from the barn, how did he know what you were saying?  Is that some kind of brother code you did?”  She asked innocently and Sam laughed.

 “No brother code.”  He replied.  “It’s sign language.  My wife, Eileen, is deaf.  She can read lips and communicate with people that way, but they taught her sign language when she was a kid.”  Sam explained.

 “I’m sorry.  I had no idea.”  Abigail whispered, feeling a little foolish.  “Dean never said a word about that.”

 “No need for an apology, and it doesn’t surprise me that he never told you.  My brother doesn’t really open up much, and he’s not that easy to get along with.”  Sam added, a knowing smile on his face making Abigail laugh.

 “Thanks for all your help, Sam.”  She said as he climbed back up on his horse.

 “Don’t be too hard on him.  He’s a good guy, just a little stubborn is all.”  Sam told her before turning and riding back to town.

 Chapter 3:

 Sam usually hated the ride out to Bobby’s ranch, but today he was grateful for it.  The ride gave him time to practice in his mind what he was going to say to his brother before he got there.

 “Hi there, Sam.  Everything okay?”  Bobby asked as Sam rode up to the ranch house.

 “Oh yeah, Bobby.  No problems.”  He said, climbing down from his horse and shaking Bobby’s hand.  “I just rode out to see if I could catch my brother.”  He added.

 “Well, he’s bringing some cows in with a group of hands.”  Bobby told him, pointing to the left where a hill blocked the pastures.  “You’re welcome to ride on back if you want, or I can offer you some Irish coffee while you wait for him.”

 “No rush, but I’ll have to pass on the Irish coffee.”  Sam chuckled, climbing the steps after Bobby to join him on the porch.

 The two of them talked over some of the recent plans for the town, the weather, and it wasn’t long before Sam could hear the chorus of cows bellowing in the distance.  About the time they stood from the porch, Sam was able to spot Dean riding over the hill with 10 other hands and about 200 head of cattle kicking up dust despite the green grass they trampled through.

 Sam waited on the porch steps as Bobby went down and opened the gate to the pens near the barns.  The sounds of whistles and shouts filled the air as hats waived the cows onward.  Occasionally one of the calves would break loose from the group and one of the hands would cut off and usher him back.  It took a few moments for Dean to spot him, and Sam waved to let him know everything was alright.

 As soon as the cattle started heading into the gates, Bobby waved Dean away, telling him to go ahead and talk to Sam.  Dean gladly rode over and jumped down to the ground by the house.

 “Sam?  Everything alright?”  Dean asked, leading his horse to the nearest trough so the gelding could get his fill of water.

 “Sure, Dean.  I just wanted to come out and talk to you a bit.”  Sam told him, but Dean could tell there was more to it.

 “Well, I’m done for the day so come on with me if you want.”  Dean offered, leading the gelding away, his spurs jingling with every step.  As he took care of his horse and put his tack away in the barn, Sam beat around the reason he came, asking Dean how things were going at Abigail’s and whether he was going to be finished by the time Abigail had said she wanted to be.

 “You did ride all the way out here to ask me how things are going at Abigail’s, Sam.  Now, what’s on your mind?”  Dean asked directly as he poured some fresh water in the basin to wash away the dust on his face and hands.

 “I heard back from the Marshall about McCleod today.”  Sam began.

 “That guy you got locked up in town?”  Dean asked.  Sam nodded.

 “That’s the one.  It looks like I’m going to have to take him over to Monterrey myself.  They don’t have anyone they can spare to come get him.”  Sam explained.  Dean tossed the rag aside and turned to face him.

 “When?”  Dean asked, taking a more serious tone.

 “I’ll leave tomorrow morning.”  Sam replied.  “I figure I’ll be back in a week.  I promised Eileen I’d be back in time for that festival they are planning in town.”

 “Okay.  Let me talk to Bobby.  I’m sure he can live without me for that long.”  Dean shrugged, taking a step toward the barn doors.

 “No, Dean don’t.”  Sam stopped him.

 “You’re not seriously planning on taking him by yourself?”  Dean asked, looking at Sam in disbelief.  “He robbed a bank and shot two people in the process.  His gang is still out there somewhere, Sam.”  He ranted when Sam didn’t say anything.

 “I know what he did, Dean, but I have to do this.  It’s my job.”

 “And my job is keeping you safe!”  Dean shouted.  Sam looked away, shaking his head.  Dean cursed under his breath, running a hand over his face.  “Why couldn’t you have a job as a shop owner or something other than a sheriff?”  Dean mumbled, and Sam chuckled, knowing Dean didn’t really mean it.

 Dean was proud of his little brother, and he knew in his mind that Sam wasn’t a kid anymore and he could handle himself.   Dean had spent so many years, even before they lost their parents, protecting Sam.  Even though he tried to stop reacting that way, whenever he thought Sam was in danger, that instinct kicked in again full force.

 “I wanted to ask you a favor.”  Sam started.  “Would you look in on Eileen while I’m gone?  I feel bad leaving her right now, even though she says she is fine with it.”  He added, with a roll of his eyes.

 “Of course I will, although I’m not convinced that isn’t a ploy to keep me from riding out after you.”  Dean teased.

 “Well, the thought did cross my mind.”  Sam admitted, pausing for a moment before laughing at the look on Dean’s face.  “The truth is, you are the only one I trust, and Eileen trusts you too.”  He added, more serious.

 Dean shoved the rifle into its holder on the side of Sam’s saddle, tying the leather straps.  He stepped to the opposite side, running a hand down the horse’s neck as he did.  He glanced back at Sam saying good-bye to Eileen in front of the sheriff’s office and he sighed.  He knew in his mind that Sam could handle himself and would be fine, but he just couldn’t seem to convince that gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach.   The entire time, McCleod continued to make sarcastic comments from atop a second horse tied to Sam’s by a rope around the saddle horn.

 Sam walked up to McCleod and tightened the rope around his wrists as he struggled against them.  McCleod glared at Sam as he stepped back, taking the reins from Dean and climbing onto his own horse.

 “This is all a waste of time.”  McCleod stated to Sam’s back.  “No one can prove anything, and when I get out of that jail in Monterrey, I’ll be coming back here to see you.”

 “Are you sure I can’t just shoot him and save you the trip?”  Dean grumbled.

 “You wouldn’t.”  McCleod challenged arrogantly, but his confidence faltered when he saw the look on Dean’s face.

 “Oh, trust me.  He would.”  Sam said over his shoulder.  “And if you don’t shut it, I might just let him.”  He added, leading the horses back from the post.

 McCleod just shook his head and looked away, but he didn’t make any more comments.  Sam kept his face turned away to hide the smirk on his lips.  He glanced to where Eileen stood and signed “I love you” to her.  She smiled and waved a kiss to him.

 “See you in a few days.”  Dean said, taking a couple of steps back.

 “See you then, brother.”  Sam nodded, turning the horses and heading out of town at a trot.

 Dean watched them until they past the livery stables and he felt Eileen’s hand on his arm.  He turned to see her smiling at him and he chuckled. 

 “He will be fine.”  She said, and Dean nodded.

 “I’ll be back this afternoon.”  He promised her.  “If you need anything before then…”  

 “Ellen and Benny already offered to help when you’re not here.”  She interrupted him.  “Go ahead back to the ranch.”  She encouraged.  

 Dean smiled, hugging her close to his side before walking back to his own horse and heading in the opposite direction of where he wanted to go.  He still hated the idea of Sam taking McCleod to Monterrey alone, but he did what he promised he would do and rode back to Bobby’s to go to work.

 Chapter 4:  

 Bobby could hear the argument from the pasture behind the barn.  By the time he reached the corrals, he could see the young hand and Dean almost ready to come to blows.

 “Hey!”  He yelled, stopping both of them before any swings were taken.  “What that hell is going on out here?”  He barked, looking back and forth between them.

 “Nothing, Bobby.”  The younger hand answered, looking down at the dirt.  Dean didn’t answer, but Bobby could see that they were both still fuming.

 “Take that gelding back out with the others.”  Bobby instructed, gesturing to the 2-year-old horse huffing in the corrals behind them.  

 “Yes, sir.”  The kid answered, dusting himself off, and glaring once more at Dean before heading off as Bobby instructed.

 “He’s careless, Bobby.  He’s going to get himself hurt, or that gelding.”  Dean said, gesturing behind them as soon as the hand was out of earshot.

 “Why don’t you just take a couple of days to go rest or blow off steam or whatever?”  Bobby suggested to Dean.

 “I’m fine.”  Dean said, a little harsher than he intended.

 “No, you’re snapping at everyone, including me.”  Bobby snapped back at him.  “Now, get out of here.”  He insisted.  Dean’s shoulders sank as he realized Bobby was right.  He took his hat off, slapping it against his thigh as he ran a hand through his hair.

 “Sorry, Bobby.  Guess I’m just a little uptight.”  Dean sighed.

 “Well, it’s no wonder with all the work you’ve been doing around here and at Abigail’s.  Hell, you ride into town twice a day to check on your brother’s wife on top of that.”  He said, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder.  “I’m not punishing you here, Dean.  I just think you’re wearing yourself thin.”  He added, concern in his voice.

 In the year and a half since Dean and his brother Sam had come to this town, Bobby had never seen Dean so wound up.  Things were slow around the ranch this time of year, and Bobby knew they could easily handle things at the ranch without Dean for a few days if he needed it.

 Although Dean knew that Bobby was wrong about the reason for his short temper, he also didn’t want to correct him.  Instead he just nodded.

 “Hi, Dean.  You’re early today.”  Eileen told him when he rode up to the house.

 “Yeah, I had to come into town for a few things so I wanted to check in with you.”  He lied.  He knew she would probably figure out the truth eventually, but he didn’t want to worry her.

 “Everything is fine here, and before you ask, I haven’t heard from Sam.”  She teased, knowing he wanted to ask.  Dean exhaled, shaking his head at how well she knew him.

 It had been a week past when Sam had originally planned to be home.  He had sent Eileen a telegram explaining that the Marshall had requested Sam stay in Monterrey for a few more days until the trial was over and McCleod was sentenced, in the event they needed a witness statement from him.  

 Sam had once again promised Eileen that he would return in time for the fall festival, but that was only a few days away and he still hadn’t made it back.

 “Oh my…”  Eileen exclaimed, as she froze with her hand over her stomach.

 “What is it?”  Dean asked, rushing to her side.

 “I’m okay.”  She replied immediately, looking at him with a huge smile on her face.  “I just think I felt the baby kick.  I wish your brother was here for this.”  

 “Me too,”  Dean said, ignoring the tightness he felt in his chest and forcing a smile.  “He is going to hate that he missed it.”  Dean practically whispered.

 “It’s okay.  It will happen again after he gets home.”  Eileen told him optimistically.  She eased down into the rocking chair, her face lighting up with every single movement she felt with her hand.

 “If you’re sure you are okay, I’m going to take care of a few things around town.  I can check back on you before I head back to the ranch.”  Dean said, after a few minutes.  

 “Everything’s fine, I promise.”  Eileen answered.  She noticed how fidgety he seemed and she understood why, but she simply smiled at the relief that appeared behind his eyes just before he walked out of the door.   

 It was just after lunch so Dean stopped at the saloon and ordered food, but he couldn’t eat it.  Every time he took a bite, the knots in his stomach made him nauseous.  His eyes kept darting to the bar across the room.  When he couldn’t shake the restless feeling inside of him, he walked over and ordered a shot and a beer, only intending on having one to help him settle.

 When Abigail stopped by Ellen’s around 4:00, she saw Dean sitting with a couple of guys playing cards on the opposite side of the saloon.  She watched him confidently tossing a few chips in the middle of the table before wetting his lips and taking a long drink from the glass in his hand.    

 “Are you sure there is nothing going on between the two of you?”  Jo teased, noticing that Abigail’s attention was focused on him.

 “We are barely friends, Jo.  It’s just a surprise.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen him here in the two months that I’ve known him.”   It surprised her that after all the talk he had done about him and Sam saving money, he would be sitting in the saloon drinking whiskey and gambling.  

 “He’s been here most of the afternoon.”  Jo told her.

 “What about Bobby’s?”  Abigail couldn’t help but ask.  Jo shrugged, but before she could say anything else, Benny came out of the storeroom with Ellen close behind him.

 “Bobby told him to take a couple of days off because he was biting everyone’s head off.  You are working that boy to death.”  Benny teased Abigail, with a wink to Ellen as he carried a box of liquor and set it down on the end of the bar.

 “Benny!”  Ellen scolded, swatting him on the arm with the rag she had in her hands.  “Stop teasing her.  That’s not why.”

 “That’s what the hands told me when they came at lunch.  They were in here talking about how Bobby told him he was working too hard.”  Benny argued.

 Hearing those words filled Abigail with guilt and Ellen sighed when she saw it written all over her face.  She rolled her eyes and shoved Benny back to work before taking Abigail’s hand.

 “Come with me.”  Ellen said, pulling Abigail into her office and closing the door.   “Just after they moved to town, Eileen started helping me out around the hotel.  About a year ago, she mentioned something to me that I think may have more to do with what’s got Dean so uptight.”

 Ellen paused.  No one else in town knew anything about what she was going to say, and a part of her wanted to keep it a secret,but she also loved her niece and didn’t want to see her get hurt.  Finally she took a deep breath and continued.

 “She told me that Dean lost his wife before they all moved to town and that he was taking it pretty hard so Sam took him hunting to help him stay busy and keep his mind from dwelling on it.  She only mentioned it at the time because she was worried about him.”  Ellen explained.

 “And Bobby doesn’t know?”  She asked.  Ellen shook her head.

 “I don’t think anyone around here does, so keep this one to yourself okay?”

 “I won’t tell anyone.”  Abigail promised.

 “I’m only telling you because I know how the two of you have been bickering, and if his attitude was bad enough for Bobby to send him away to town then he might get a little short, even with you.”  Ellen said.

 “Thanks, Ellen.”  Abigail said, hugging her before she turned to go.

 “You still coming for dinner?”  Ellen asked after her.

 “Wouldn’t miss it.  See you around 6:00.”  Abigail said over her shoulder as she headed out.

 It was dark by the time Abigail returned to the ranch.  She slowed her horse to a walk as she entered the gate and saw Dean’s horse in front of the house.  Cautiously she made her way down the drive until she could finally see him on the porch.

 “Dean?  What are you doing here?”  She asked, climbing down and wrapping the reins around a post.

 “I promised you every evening, so here I am.”  He replied, swaying a little as he stood up.

 “You can’t work like this.”  She told him.  “You can’t even walk straight.  You’ll just end up getting hurt.”

 “Sure I can.”  He slurred a little moving confidently forward, but he stumbled on the steps and barely caught himself on the railing.  “Or maybe not.”  He mumbled, easing himself down on the top step.  Abigail sighed and sat down next to him, noticing a gash above his left eye.

 “Oh my gosh, Dean.  Are you okay?”  She asked.

 “Hmm?  Oh that?  Yeah.”  He answered, trying to shrug it off when he saw the way she was looking at him and he remembered.  

 “Stay right here.”  She insisted and he nodded as she got up and went inside the house.

 When she came back out with rubbing alcohol and a piece of cloth, he was still sitting on the steps, leaning his back against the railing.  She was a little surprised the she didn’t get any arguments as she sat down and told him to lean forward into the light from the house.  Dean flinched when she touched the edge of the cut with the alcohol.

 “Sorry.”  She whispered, ready for him to get mad.

 “s’okay.”  He muttered, his eyes closed as she gently removed the dirt and blood from his brow.  For the first time all day, Dean started to relax and the knots in his chest loosened.

 “How did you do this?”  She asked, trying her best to ignore how close he was.  As hard as she tried to focus her attention on what she was doing, her eyes would occasionally take in the freckles that dusted his cheekbones, or how soft his lips looked as he spoke.

 “I got in a minor disagreement with a beer bottle.”  He replied with a smirk, holding his hand up with his thumb and forefinger barely apart.  Abigail stifled a laugh, pushing away the thought that he looked adorable like that as he let his hand fall back down.  “Just a fight though, no big deal.”  He added with a shrug.

 “With the guys you were playing cards with?”  She asked and he frowned, squinting at her.  “I stopped by Ellen’s earlier and saw you.”  She explained and he nodded.

 “They said I was cheating them, but I’m pretty sure they just thought I was too drunk to put up a fight and they would just take the money I won off of them.”  Dean told her.

 “I can see why they would think that.”  Abigail teased.  Dean shocked himself by laughing at that, almost forgetting what that felt like.  

 He knew it had been pure adrenaline that kept him from losing that fight behind the saloon.  As soon as he had stepped around that corner, one of them had hit him over the head with a bottle and the other tried to hold him down.  What they didn’t realize is that was the fight Dean had been waiting for all day.  All of the tension and aggression he had been holding in, he released on them.  

 She cleaned directly over the cut, the burning sensation bringing him out of his thoughts and he involuntarily hissed.  Abigail blew on it gently, trying to take the sting away and a gently smile grew on his face.

 “Maggie used to do that.”  He said before he even realized he was saying it.  His voice came out a whisper, but Abigail could hear the pain behind every word.

 “Maggie?”  She asked and he nodded.

 “My wife.”  He answered. “She died a couple of years ago.”  He added, turning away as he cleared his throat and ran and hand over his face.  He silently cursed the drunken tears that pooled beneath his eyelids.

 “I’m sorry.”  She whispered.

 “She was at home and she went into labor early….too early.”  He told her, his eyes looking out into the yard.  “By the time the doc came, it was too late.”

 He wasn’t sure why he was saying anything to Abigail at all.  He hadn’t spoken of it since it happened to anyone, and he wasn’t sure if it was the whiskey or her that made him do it now.  He felt her reach out and rest her hand on his arm as a show of compassion and he turned to face her.  His mind felt foggy, a mixture of loss and regret.

 “I’m sorry.  I better go.”  He told her, making a move to pull himself up, but she stopped him.

 “You don’t have to go.  Why don’t you just come inside and stay here?”  She offered, helping him to his feet.

 Dean wanted to say no, but he was dizzy and so tired.  The idea of laying down and going to sleep sounded so much better than getting back on the horse and riding a half hour to the bunkhouse that he found himself nodding in agreement.

 Abigail led Dean to the spare room, helping him to keep his steps steady.  While she went to grab a pitcher of water, Dean took off his gun belt and hat, setting them on a chair near the bed.  The door was open when she came back and he was sitting on the edge of the bed, struggling to kick off his boots.  She set the pitcher on the nightstand and knelt down to help him by pulling them off.

 “I’m not usually like this.”  He said, a little embarrassed as he laid back against the bed, feeling like he was sinking into it.

 “I know.”  She confirmed, handing him a blanket from the closet.  She turned to leave, but Dean reached out and grabbed her hand.

 “Thank you.”  He said as his eyes grew heavy.

 “No problem.”  She said, smiling tenderly.

 “You should smile like that more often.  You look pretty like that.”  He mumbled, his words barely legible as his breathing deepened and her hand slipped from his.

 Abigail could feel her face flush as she left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.  She leaned against the wall, resting her hand on her stomach to try and quiet the fluttering she felt inside.  She went outside and took care of the horses, setting Dean’s saddle and bridle next to hers on the porch and letting the horses run in the corral.

 She went to her own room, trying to ignore the fact that Dean was sleeping behind a door not 20 feet from her own.

 The smell of coffee roused him the following morning.  He groaned as he squinted against the sunlight coming through the windows, his head pounding.  It took him a moment for his eyes to focus and he realized he wasn’t at the bunker on the ranch.  He sat up on the edge of the bed, putting his head in his hands until his fingers touched the cut above his eye and he flinched.  

 A flash of memory from the night before came back to him and then a few more, until he realized he was at her cabin.  He poured some water into the glass on the nightstand, remembering enough to drink it slowly in a futile attempt to quench the cotton he felt in his mouth and throat.

 “Morning.”  Abigail greeted him from the kitchen when he stepped out of the room.

 “Morning.”  He replied, his eyes downcast.  She watched as he turned his hat in his hands before he took a deep breath.  

 “Do you want some breakfast?”  Abigail offered.

 “No, thanks.”  He grimaced at the thought, holding a hand up and she smiled.  As hungry as he was after not eating the day before, he knew what would happen the moment he climbed on his horse to ride back to Bobby’s if he did.

 “Just coffee then?”  She asked and he smiled.

 “Coffee would be great.”  He admitted, exhaustion and relief in his voice.

 He moved to sit down at the table with her, the sound of his boots shuffling on the hardwood floor threatened to distract her as she poured a cup and set it down in front of him.  

 “What are you going to do today?”  Abigail asked.  Dean shrugged.

 “Mostly just hang around town, probably go by Eileen’s this afternoon.  Bobby told me to take a couple of days off.  He thinks I’m working too hard and that’s what has me so uptight lately.”  He told her.

 “I know.  Benny heard about that from some of the hands.”  She commented, rinsing her cup.

 “He was wrong though.  That’s not it.”  Dean said, not wanting her to think the same thing.

 “I know that too.”  She said, her voice softening as she turned to face him.  His expression was impossible to read as his eyes snapped up to meet hers.  It was a combination of panic and anger.

 “Who told you?”  He asked, his voice measured.

 “Ellen.”  She said, his brow crinkling.  “and then you.”  She added, biting down on the corner of her lower lip.  His eyes closed and he let out a defeated sigh.

 “I’m sorry about coming here last night like I did, and for telling you those things.  I wish I could tell you what I was thinking, but to be honest, I don’t really remember.”  He told her shamefully.

 “You were just trying to keep your word to me,”  Abigail said,  “and you don’t have anything to be sorry for.”  She added.

 Although he still felt a little embarrassed about the night before, he was grateful that she wasn’t upset about it.  He had been worried that he had gone too far and she wouldn’t want him to come back and finish fixing up the ranch.  The idea that she wouldn’t want him there bothered him more than he thought it should, but he refused to think about whether it was a fear of losing the extra money, or of getting to spend his afternoons with her.

 “I have to take some supplies out to the Branson farm for Ellen today.  Why don’t you come with me?”  Abigail offered.  “I could really use the company.”  She added when Dean hesitated.

 He considered it for a moment and then agreed, rising from the table and resting his hat lightly on his head.  “I’ll go get the horses ready then.”

 By the time Abigail stepped out of the house, Dean had both of the horses saddled and he handed her the reins to her’s before climbing up on his.  

 “I’ll race you into town, if you’re up for it.”  She challenged, much to Dean’s surprise.  Dean raised an eyebrow and a mischievous smirk crawled onto his face.  Although he wasn’t really sure if how happy he was going to be with himself afterwards, hangover or not, he wasn’t going to shy away from a challenge like that.  He reached up and adjusted his hat so that it was sturdy on his head.

 “You’re on.”  He answered.

 “One, two,….”  Abigale kicked her horse into action early, giving her a lead on Dean, but it didn’t take long before she could hear his horse’s hoofs beating the ground just behind her own.

 The wind whipped her hair around her face and she leaned into her mare’s neck to create less resistance.  The mare’s sharp breaths matched the thumping she felt in her heart.  Dean kept his gelding just beside the mare, but he didn’t really want to win this race.  Instead he kept the horse neck to neck until they reached the livery and both horses skidded to a stop.

 “Why did you hold back?”  Abigail accused breathless.

 “I didn’t.”  Dean lied, jumping down from his horse and letting him be taken by the stable hand.  

 “Liar.”  She teased.  Dean glanced back at her as she still sat on her mare.  He flashed a smile and winked to her over his shoulder before he turned back and headed to Eileen’s.  Dean could barely hear her laughing behind him as he walked away.

 Abigail shook her head, climbing down from her horse and heading to the saloon to pick up Ellen’s wagon to load the supplies.

 “Dean!?  What happened to you?”  Eileen exclaimed as soon as she opened the door.

 “Nothing.  Just got in a fight last night is all,”  he told her, brushing it off.  He could feel her eyes on him as he stepped inside.  “You doing okay?”  He signed.

 “I’m fine,”  she answered,  “but you look like hell.”  

 Dean huffed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t sugar coat anything now,”  he teased, and Eileen laughed, placing her hands on her hips.  “I told Abigail I would ride out to the Branson’s with her.”  Dean added when Eileen didn’t say anything else.

 She nodded as she took the biscuits she had made out of the stove and set them aside to cool.  “Are you sure you are alright?”  she asked finally.

 “I’m good, just a long night,”  Dean told her.  “You heard anything else from Sam?”  he asked, wanting to change the subject.  She shook her head.

 “I’m sure everything is okay, Dean,”  she replied.  “How about you come to Ellen’s tonight with me for dinner when you get back?”

 “You got a deal,”  he said.  “I’ll see you this evening.”  He winked as he grabbed a biscuit and thanked her before leaving again.

 Dean didn’t want to admit it, but every time he saw her move a certain way, or place her hand on her stomach, it reminded him of Maggie.  He knew it wasn’t fair, and he would never say anything to Eileen or to Sam, but when she felt the baby kick the day before, it felt like someone had shot him right in the pit of his stomach.  Most days, he couldn’t be happier about his little brother becoming a father, but right now he knew he just needed to stay busy if he was going to keep his own sanity.

The ride out to the Branson farm was mostly quiet, consisting of not much more than directions.  When they arrived, Mrs. Branson immediately invited them both inside.  Dean and Abigail unloaded the supplies and by the time they were done, Mrs. Branson had a pie she had made sliced and set out on the table with three fresh cups of coffee.

  “You don’t have to do that, ma’am.”  Dean told her.

 “Since my husband passed, I seldom get any company out here.  It’s nice to have someone to talk with.”  She insisted, and the three of them sat down.  Mrs. Branson asked about the events happening in town and Dean let Abigail do most of the talking.  He listened as she relayed all of the preparations Ellen and Benny were doing to prepare for the festival.  A couple of times he felt himself smiling at how excited she seemed at the prospect, and he realized that he was enjoying the conversation as much as the pie.

 “Mrs. Branson, I noticed that barn door out there is loose.  If you don’t mind me using your tools, I can fix that for you real quick,”  Dean offered when the conversation lulled.

 “I can’t pay you,” she said.

 “No need, ma’am.  It would be my pleasure,” Dean told her.  “Besides, that pie was more payment than any man could ask for,” he added, with a wink.

 “Alright.  Thank you, Dean.  My husband had a few tools that you can use.  I keep them just inside that old barn,”  she said.  With a nod, Dean turned and was out the front door. 

 “That’s a nice young man you have there.”  Mrs. Branson told Abigail as she returned to the kitchen.

 “Oh, he’s not…we are just friends.”  Abigail told her, turning away to try and hide the affection in her eyes.  She picked up the plates and coffee cups from the table and rinsed them in the sink.

 “Girl, I’m old.  I’m not blind.”  Mrs. Branson told her forcefully, tilting her chin and looking up at Abigail over the rim of her glasses for emphasis.  “That Dean is sweet on you, and you are sweet on him too.”

 Abigail wanted to argue, but the truth was that Mrs. Branson was right, at least on her part.  As much as she had tried to keep from feeling anything for Dean, she could feel her own excitement at Mrs. Branson’s accusation.  She hated that she was allowing Dean to get to her like this.  With the farm almost finished, she knew she would be leaving again and Dean was a distraction she didn’t need.  His life was here, and this place had never been enough for her.

 Mrs. Branson smiled at Abigail’s obvious uncomfortableness, but she quickly dropped the subject, much to Abigail’s relief.

 “You look like you feel better than you did this morning,” Abigail commented as she began the ride back into town with Dean.  Dean chuckled a little.

 “Anything is an improvement over this morning,” he admitted and she laughed at that.  

 “That was really nice,” she started, “what you did for Mrs. Branson.”  

 Dean shrugged, glancing over at her. “You sound surprised,” he teased.  She suddenly seemed so nervous talking to him and Dean fought back the urge to brush back the hair that had fallen loosely from her braid across her face.

 “No, I didn’t mean to….”  She stuttered, until she saw him smirking at her and she realized he was teasing her.  “You!” she huffed, rolling her eyes.

 “When we get back, I’m going to have an early dinner with Eileen and then I’ll head out to the ranch to work on the porch if that’s okay.  We don’t have too much work left before it’s finished,” Dean told her.

 “Of course.  Take your time.  It must be hard for her without Sam here,” Abigail offered.

 “She’s a lot stronger than people think.”  He chuckled adding, “Seems like she is always the one telling me he’s fine.”

 “Are you worried?”

 “Not yet,” Dean lied, taking the reins and resting his boot on the edge of the wagon in front of him.  Her gaze was so focused on him, and his eyes gave him away.  “Not really,” he corrected.

 Dean knew in his head that Sam could handle himself, and he kept telling himself that Sam still had two days to be back before the festival.  In his heart, he knew he would breathe easier once his little brother made it home.

 “You two seem really close,” Abigail said gently, her words pulling him from his own thoughts.

 “Well, it was just me and Sammy for a long time,” he replied with a shrug, thoughts of growing up together bringing out his childhood nickname for Sam.

 “Must be nice to have that with someone.  I never had any siblings.”

 “Weren’t you close with your parents?” Dean asked.  Abigail shrugged.

 “I was, until I got older and told them I wanted to see the world instead of stay here on the ranch they spent their lives building,” she answered.  “I used to write them, letters or postcards, but I never stayed in one place long enough to know if they wrote back, or even read them,” she added before she could stop herself.

 “I’m sure they did.”  

   Chapter 5:

  Abigail set out the plates of sandwiches on the table Ellen had set up in front of the saloon.  A crowd had already begun to build in the street as the band started playing on a makeshift stage.  The sounds of chatter and smell of homemade food filled the air.  She brushed her bangs back and glanced up to see Dean walking on the other end of the street, all bow legs and dress boots.  He was walking with a beautiful girl on his arm, stopping occasionally so she could look at one thing or another.  She couldn’t see her face that well, but she couldn’t help but notice the long black hair that flowed down past her shoulders.

 “Are you still here?”  Ellen asked, waving a hand in front of her eyes and she jumped.

 “Sorry, Ellen.  What did you ask?”

 “I just asked if you wanted a drink.”  Ellen repeated, holding out a cup of the punch she made.  Abigail smiled and took it gratefully.  “What’s got your attention?”  

 “Who is that with Dean?”  Abigail asked her, trying to sound indifferent.  Ellen glanced in that direction and laughed.

 “Don’t worry, honey.  That’s Eileen.”  She said, patting Abigail’s arm knowingly.  She smiled, feeling a mixture of foolish and relieved.  

 She watched them for a few more moments, noticing the way Dean would gently touch her arm when he wanted to tell her something.  She would study his face as he spoke, obviously reading his lips.  Abigail saw him use a combination of his words and his hands to communicate with her.   

 Not wanting to be caught staring, Abigail ducked her head and headed back inside to help Jo with a few more things.  

 “Bobby Singer, as I live and breathe.”  Ellen said once she noticed Bobby talking with Dean and Eileen.  “I can’t believe you actually left that ranch for this.”  She teased.

 “Ms. Harvell.”  Bobby acknowledged her with a tip of his hat.  He followed Dean and Eileen over to the table Ellen had set up.

 “Don’t you start all that, Ms. Harvell stuff.  It’s just Ellen.”  She instructed, a hand on her hip.  Eileen smiled and Ellen put an arm out to hug her.  “How you doing honey?”  She asked, her attention taken away from Bobby momentarily.

 “As good as I can be.”  Eileen admitted.  She glanced over at the door when she saw Jo and Abigail coming back outside.  “You must be Abigail.  It’s so nice to meet you.”  She said.

 “It’s nice to meet you too.”  Abigail replied, taking her outstretched hand and giving a quick smile to Dean.

 “Bobby, would you take a bite of this and tell me what you think?”  Ellen asked him, holding out a morsel of pie.  Bobby glanced at Dean and Eileen quickly before taking a bite.

 “Ellen, that may be the best thing I’ve eaten in years.”  He admitted.

 “Good.”  She beamed.  “Why don’t you come over for dinner this week?  I have a recipe I’d like to make and I think you are just the person I want to cook it for.”  Ellen told him.

 Bobby stammered a little, an embarrassed smile appearing on his face.  He started to think of a million reasons to get out of coming, but instead he simply nodded and thanked her for the invitation.  Ellen smiled, turning to go back to the saloon to cut the rest of the pie for customers and Bobby turned toward Dean.

 “What are you grinning at?”  He asked gruffly.  Dean shook his head and held up his hands in defense.  “It’s just dinner.”  He mumbled, straightening the collar of his shirt.

 “Well, it’s about time.”  Dean teased, and he escorted Eileen quickly away when Bobby glared at him.  Bobby watched them head closer to the center of the street so they could see the dancers; chuckling when he felt sure that Dean was no longer within hearing range.

 Eileen was admiring a quilt when Sam slipped quietly behind them, putting his hand on Eileen’s shoulder.  She tensed and Dean immediately turned protectively until he saw Sam’s face and he relaxed. 

 “Sam!”  Eileen exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck.  “You’re home.”  She said, letting him lean down to kiss her.  

 “I missed you too.” He said, allowing her to read his lips before he pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her waist.  

 After a moment, she stepped back allowing her hands to drop back down to her sides and Sam gave his brother a hug.

 “Good to see you brother.”  Dean told him.

 “Good to be home.”  Sam replied. 

 Sam relayed the story of his ride to Monterrey and back for them both, his hands signing as fast as the words came from his lips.  Dean never ceased to be amazed at how Sam could do that so easily.  Although he had picked up a few things over the years, Dean still had to think about it for most words, where Sam just glided through it.

 “So tell me, what’s been happening around here.”  Sam encouraged, noticing that Dean’s attention was being pulled out to the dance floor.

 “I’ll let you guys catch up.  I think I see someone that needs a little help.”  Dean told him, trying not to laugh as he gestured to the front of the stage.

 Abigail stood with someone in town, trying to follow as he danced, but his steps were stiff and Dean could tell from that distance that he didn’t have any rhythm.  

 “Go help her, poor girl.”  Eileen told him, shaking her head.  “You must be hungry.  Ellen made some wonderful food.”  Eileen said to Sam as Dean walked toward Abigail.

 “Can I borrow you for a moment?”  He asked Abigail, placing his hand on the small of her back.  The guy she was dancing with immediately thanked her for the dance and moved away from them.

 “Sure.  What’s going on?”  She asked, letting out a breath of relief.  “You have impeccable timing by the way.”  She added.

 “Well, you looked like you could use saving.”  He said, laughter in his eyes.

 “Aren’t you just a knight in shining armor.”  She told him, her embarrassment coming out as sarcasm.

 “I could always go back and leave you to your fate.”  Dean teased, taking a step away.

 “Don’t you dare!”  She said in a forceful whisper as she grabbed his arm to stop him from walking away from her.  Dean laughed, and then Abigail shook her head laughing along with him.

 The music started up again and Dean took Abigail’s hand in his, spinning her around before holding her close.  She rested her free hand on his shoulder, feeling the strength in his arms.  Years of work left his muscles defined beneath the fabric of his shirt.

 She looked up into his eyes, soft laughter shining in them and little crinkles in the corners.  When he took a step, she said a silent ‘thank you’ that her feet moved as well.  The movement was so effortless and she couldn’t help but think that she was meant to be right there in that moment for the rest of her life.

 “Well….what all did I miss while I was gone?”  Sam asked, surprised.  The others followed his glance to where Dean and Abigail danced together as they talked.

 “Would you look at that.”  Ellen muttered beneath her breath, tapping Bobby on the arm to get his attention.

 “My brother looks….happy.”  Sam said, glancing to Eileen as she touched his arm.  

 She signed to him so only he would hear, “I haven’t seen him like that since Maggie was alive.” Sam nodded to her and signed back, “Me either.”

 Chapter 6:  

 Dean rode into town just after lunch to make a feed payment for Bobby at the store.  He stopped by the sheriff’s office first to talk with Sam and as he was walking over to make the payment, he saw Abigail and Ellen cross the street in front of him.  He waved and Abigail smiled and returned his hello, trotting to catch up with Ellen who hadn’t noticed her pause.

 It had been a couple of days since Dean finished the last repair at the ranch, but Abigail had been busy helping Ellen at the saloon that she hadn’t gone out to pack up what she wanted to keep of her parent’s things.   Ellen had offered to help her with it, but Abigail had refused, knowing that it only served to encourage Ellen’s hope that Abigail had changed her mind about leaving.

 Dean walked slowly along the sidewalk, his eyes focused on Abigail until she disappeared behind Ellen into the saloon.  He let out a sigh and marched on toward the general store.  After paying the bill, he started to leave, but paused and glanced around at the other patrons shopping.

 “Do me a favor, Cas.”  Dean whispered, leaning over the counter so no one else would hear him.

 “Of course.”

 “When Abigail comes in to post that ranch for sale, will you make sure Sam knows?”  Dean asked, knowing he didn’t come into town often enough.

 “Right away.”  Cas promised.  “You and your brother going to make a play for it?”

 “Going to try.”  He answered with a shrug.

 “Why not just tell her you want to buy it?  After all the work you have put into it, I’m sure she would be happy to tell you when she does.”

 “I just want it to be a surprise.”  Dean lied.  Cas nodded.  The truth was that Dean wasn’t sure how much Abigail was going to ask for the ranch, and he didn’t want to be embarrassed if he told her before he knew they could afford to buy it.

 “Well, I will keep an eye out and make sure to pass it along to Sam.”  Cas confirmed, shaking his hand as Dean thanked him.

 Dean spotted Abigail’s horse at the ranch a few days later as he rode back out to Bobby’s and he turned in.  He didn’t see her at first and simply climbed down from the gelding, tying him to the hitching post next to the front porch.

 “Abigail?”  He called out and she came from the back of the house, smiling as soon as she saw him.

 “Hi, Dean.  I’m just packing up a few things that belonged to my parents.  What are you doing out here?”  She asked. 

 Dean had wanted to tell her everything, but something stopped him.  “I just wanted to check the hinges on the door before winter comes.  I thought they looked a little loose the last time we were here but I forgot to do it before I left.”  He lied instead.

 Abigail laughed and shook her head.  “You know, I put it up for sale as is.  You don’t have to do that anymore.”

 “I know, but still.”  He said and she shrugged, waving him into the house.  She offered him a cup of coffee and after a few moments she let him get to work and returned to her parents’ old bedroom to pack.

 “Dean!”  Her voice rang out through the house a few minutes later and Dean rushed in, stopping when he saw her kneeling on the floor in front of an old wooden chest.  She looked up at him, her hands clutching a stack of letters, her eyes glistening.  “You were right.”  She told him, her voice breaking.

 It took him a moment to realize what she meant.  “Your letters?”  he asked as the memory returned.  She nodded, taking a deep breath.

 “They are here with my father’s bible and mother’s quilt – all of them.”  She said, running her fingertips over the letters that were worn from being read multiple times.  There were also a few letters that were written back to her, but returned unopened.  When she saw her mother’s handwriting, she started to cry.

 Almost immediately she felt Dean lift her up and wrap his strong arms around her.  She let the letters lie in the wooden hope chest as she gripped his shirt tightly, burying her face into his chest.  He held her, stroking her hair, as he sobs racked her.

 “I’m sorry.”  She whispered when she started to regain her control.  She pulled back, wiping the tears from her eyes.

 “Hey, don’t apologize.”  Dean told her.  “You’ve never said good-bye.  I get it, believe me.”  He added, his fingertips running down her arm as he released his hold on her.

 She bent down and lifted up a single letter with only her name written on the outside.  It was obviously a note written long after the others, and she could only assume it was a good-bye once they realized they were sick.  She felt her knees weaken and she sat down on the edge of the bed.

 “Do you want me to leave you alone so you can read it?”  Dean asked quietly.

 “Would you think I was pathetic if I said no?”  She asked, looking up at him.

 “Of course not.”  He answered seriously, deciding against making a joke.  Instead, he sat down beside her and put his arm around her.

 She smiled, relieved, and leaned her head against his shoulder.  Dean softly kissed her hair, both of them forgetting for a moment.

 “Abigail?”  Ellen called from the front of the house, causing them to pull apart quickly.  

 “Sorry.”  Abigail muttered, wiping her hands across her eyes and stepping past Dean.  Dean started to step out of the room, but stopped just inside the doorway when he heard them.

 “You won’t believe this, but the place sold.”  Ellen told her, holding up a paper in her hand.

 “Already?”  Abigail asked, surprised.  “That’s great.”  She added and Dean could hear the smile on her face, but it sounded forced.

 “Yeah, the offer came in this morning.  You might be surprised when you see….”  Ellen told her, but Abigail stopped her and turned away.  

 “Don’t tell me who bought it.”  Abigail instructed.  “I don’t want to know.”

 “What’s wrong?  I thought you would be happy.”  Ellen asked, concerned.

 “I am happy that the place sold, but I don’t really want to be able to imagine anyone else here.  They will probably change everything and I just want to always be able to see this as my parents’ place.”  Abigail explained.

 Dean took a deep breath and shook his head.  He had been ready to tell her himself a few moments ago, and now he was glad that he hadn’t had the chance.

 Two days later, Benny loaded the hope chest and a few personal items into Ellen’s wagon to take into town.  Ellen came up and gripped Abigail’s hand, squeezing gently.

 “I’m okay.”  Abigail told her.  “You go ahead, I’ll be along in a few minutes.”  She added.  Ellen gave her a tight lipped smile, understanding and climbed into the wagon beside Benny.  Abigail waved once as the wagon rattled away toward town.

 She took a deep breath and walked around past the corrals, through the barn, running her hand along the garden fence as she came back toward the house.  

 She stepped inside, stopping in each of the bedrooms and taking it all in once more, pausing again in the front doorway for a last glance at the family and dining area.  She could almost see her parents sitting at the table, laughing together as she played on the floor.  She closed the door behind her and untied her mare from the post at the end of the porch.  She stood staring at her past, her childhood playing out in memories before her eyes.

 Memories of running through the fields until it hurt to breathe, of her father teaching her to milk a cow, of her mother tending her small vegetable garden beside the house, flooded her and she felt a bittersweet ache in her chest.  

 “Do you regret it?”  She heard Dean ask behind her and she turned to see him standing with his own horse’s reins in his hands.  Abigail smiled slightly.

 “No, just….saying goodbye.”  She answered, turning her attention once more to the house.  “The place is in good hands.”  She added without turning around.

 “I would have told you, but you said you didn’t want to know.”  Dean replied, still a little unsure if she would be okay with it.  Even though he had just come back from signing the papers with Sam in town, he knew in his heart he would give it all back if she asked him to.

 “I didn’t at first.”  She admitted.  She turned to face him now, taking a deep breath.  “I thought the idea of picturing anyone else here would bother me, but when I went by to sign the land title over this morning, I saw you and Sam listed as the buyers.  I’m glad it’s you.”

 Abigail bit down on her lip to keep from laughing at the way Dean rubbed his hand across the back of his neck.  She glanced once more at the house before taking a deep breath and climbing onto her mare.

 “I’m leaving in the morning.”  She told him, realizing that this may be the last time she saw him.  “Thanks for all your help, Dean.”  She added, trying to convince herself that the tightness in her chest was more about saying goodbye to the place she grew up and not the cowboy looking up at her.  She turned her mare and rode back to town before another word could be spoken between them.

 Sam met Dean at their new ranch early the next morning before the sheriff’s office was scheduled to open in town.  They rode to the edge of the fence line and discussed how many head of cattle they thought the property could handle.

 “I was thinking I could stay in the loft above the barn until I can get a house built on the backside over there.  That will give you and Eileen some privacy.”  Dean told him, gesturing to a clearing near the river bank.

 “It could give you and Abigail a little privacy too, if you were of a mind to court her.”  Sam suggested, but Dean just rolled his eyes at him. 

 “There is no me and Abigail.”  Dean told him gruffly.  “She sold this place so she could move on to who knows where.”

 Sam could see the tension growing on Dean’s shoulders as he shifted his weight in the saddle, the disappointment in his tone making the air around him heavy.  It broke Sam’s heart to see the shadows returning to Dean’s eyes as he looked out onto a ranch that was once his dream, and now seemed so empty.

 “I wish you would reconsider.  It’s been good to see you happy again, Dean.  Ever since Maggie…”  Sam started, but Dean cut him off.

 “I loved Maggie.”

 “I know you did.”  Sam said, sympathetically.  “I know you still do.”  He corrected himself.  

 Dean just turned away from him, his horse taking a few steps beneath him.  He heard Sam follow behind, but he didn’t make a move to acknowledge him. 

 “You can’t mourn her forever.  She wouldn’t want that for you.”  Sam told him.  “She would want you to find a way to live and be happy again.”

 “What am I supposed to do, Sam?”  Dean asked, turning on him.  “She wants to go.”

 “Maybe she’s just waiting for you to give her a reason to stay.”  Sam answered.

 Dean rolled his eyes and turned back to stare out at the hills in front of them.  He hadn’t allowed himself to think about Abigail in that way, but now that Sam started this conversation, he realized that his heart had done the thinking for him quite a while back.  Dean knew she had always said she wanted to leave this place again once the ranch sold.  She was loading up in town to do just that as they spoke.  He couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if he told her how he felt.  Would it change anything for her?  Did he really want it to?

 “Son of a bitch.”  He muttered under his breath, spinning his horse around and spurring him into a gallop.

 By the time Dean reached the edge of town, the gelding was lathered in sweat.  He’d ridden as hard as he could, afraid that he would get there too late and she’d be gone forever.  He jumped down before the gelding had stopped completely, drawing the attention of a few passersby that grew concerned of incoming danger.  

 When Dean saw Abigail hugging Ellen and Benny outside the saloon he breathed a sigh of relief and tied his horse to the nearest post.  Abigail turned to see him marching down the street with such purpose she grew concerned that something was wrong.  She waited, wrapping the reins in her hands along the railing beside her.

 “Dean?  What are you doing?”  She asked, confused when he was close enough to hear her.

 “Don’t go.”  He told her, taking her into his arms and kissing her.  “Stay with me.”  He pleaded, whispering the words against her lips.

 He pulled back only far enough so that he could see her face.  Her eyes darted between his, a million thoughts running through her mind at once.  Suddenly she smiled.

 “I thought you’d never ask.”  She teased, pushing herself forward to kiss him back.

 Read more from my Masterlist here

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[bloodshedandbeasts]

sunshine ch2

“We are all broken—that’s how the light gets in.” ― Ernest Hemingway

.

When we finally all manage to get into the helicopter, Joseph once again announces, “God will not let you take me.”

The cultists go wild. As we begin to lift off, I watch as one sacrifices himself to the blades to stop us. Even if God did want us to take Joseph Seed in, his cultist sure as hell don’t.

When we finally get high enough in the air that the cultist mob below can’t jump into the blades, someone begins to sing.

“Amazing grace how sweet the sound, to save a wretch like me...”

Looking up from the chaos below, my eyes meet Joseph’s. His voice is soft and captivating. A trap.

When the helicopter is knocked out of the sky, my breath leaves me and my sight fades to black for a few moments. I can still feel Joseph’s gaze on me. Unwavering. We hit the ground and there’s fire everywhere. I can hear Hudson yelling and the cultists gathering outside. Nancy is panicking on the radio.

When I reach for it to reassure her, he bats my hand aside and responds himself. I don’t know when his handcuffs came off.

“Yes, Father.” Nancy’s voice rings through and I realize how fully we’ve been trapped, betrayed from within. He’s always been one step ahead of us, and now we know how.

The cultists grow closer and he leaves the helicopter. My arms reach and try to grab him, missing, and the gap between my glove and sleeve lets my skin brush his. Suddenly the world is full of even more color. The fire is brighter for a second and one of the marks on my wrist burns. I’m struck with the sudden realization that this is one of my soulmates. But so is he. The fire flares and he’s outside the helicopter while I’m still stuck in my seatbelt, upside down as the flames grow closer. Hudson’s managed to get her seatbelt off, but all it does is make it easier for the Peggies to grab her.

“Bring them all back with us. We will show them the path to salvation.” Joseph’s voice is low and commanding outside as the flames grow higher. They jump out at the cultist trying to get back in to gather me. I don’t know where Pratt or Whitehorse are anymore. I think the cult has them.

Finally I manage to get my seatbelt off and fall to the ceiling of the helicopter’s remains. Rolling I start to run out the other side of it, as far away from Eden’s Gate, and its Father, as I can. I can hear him shouting for them to bring me back as I sprint into the woods.

I make my way farther into the woods, stumbling along until I manage to sneak up on one of the cultists out looking for me. It’s easy enough to choke him out and steal his radio and flashlight. I leave him lying in the dirt.

The radio crackles to life with Marshall Burke’s voice “Is anyone out there? I’m by an old trailer, there’s Peggies everywhere.”

I swear softly. This is a cultist’s radio, and if one has it, then they all heard it.

“Burke, it’s Rook. They’re monitoring the radios, grab what you can and run. I’ll meet you back in town if able.” I know it’s a long shot that he’ll make it there, now that he’s broadcasted his location to all of them, but at least the woods’ll clear out. I can navigate that well enough to avoid the ones left looking for me.

“Deputy, why don’t you come back,” Joseph’s voice cajoles over the radio. It’s soft and captivating and I want to listen to it. “we’re soulmates. We belong together.”

There’s a sharp laugh I smother before responding. “Soulmates aren’t a promise. They’re a choice, and one I don’t have to listen to right now.” I turn the radio off with a sharp click before I can hear his response.

It takes a few hours and the early light of dawn is coming over the hills when I get to the road. The first thing I see is a large billboard. One of the people who stood behind Joseph a few hours ago is on it. It’s easy to make out his face now. Big blue eyes and bright smile.

“No.” my voice wavers and I collapse on to the ground staring at a face I haven’t seen in over a decade.

A strong jolt of disbelief and anguish throb through my soulmarks. They hum with concern, one much stronger than the others. With time, Joseph’s and my bond will be strong enough for us to communicate through it, but not yet. I’m safe from that, for now. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’ll use every bit of our bond to his advantage.

Reaching into my wallet I pull out a worn photo. Prom. I’d gone with by best (only real) friend, John Duncan. It’s well worn and the edges are starting to tear, but I can see John’s face just fine.

It’s easy to compare the two. The same bright blue eyes, ones that could hold an entire audience in awe. The same bright and easy smile, though the one in my hand is a little brighter, feels a little kinder. Same brown hair, slicked back. John Duncan; the only person who know about my parents’ abuse, the only person I’d trusted for years, the one person I’d help kill with --  is John Seed; younger brother of Joseph Seed, cult leader.

I’d always wondered where he’d gone, after he left his job as a lawyer. We’d grown apart, he fell deeper into sex and drugs, and I’d gone to college for another degree. I’d always hoped he was okay, but no he’s here. He’s helping a cult take over. He’s a fucking Peggie. And I can’t fight him. Everything in me screams against it. But nothing in my bone will stop me from making him and his new family miserable.

On one hand, I can’t believe I haven’t noticed that it was him before this. On the other, it’s easy enough to not notice when you’re trying hard to stay out of something. I’m not sure I even know the other Seed siblings’ names. Just that there’s two of them. Probably the other faces that stood behind the Father when we arrested him.

My blue-eyed friend has a smile that’s gone from meaning comfort and safety to me, to ax murder and torture to those around him. Bright blue eyes that helped me when I cried from what my parents did, and that I wiped tears from after what his did, are full of malice. The apocalypse hides in them now, not salvation.

“Just say Yes.” His voice floats over on the radio. I reach over and turn it off. My John had called me “Sunshine” and we’d laughed together. I’m not sure I want  to know this new John. I’m not sure I have a choice. My soulmate marks hum. I’d lost him before they’d appeared on my wrist. I wonder if my mark is on him, and I’m starting to become more and more sure his is on me. Just leaves the question of who the others belong to. I’m not willing to think too far into that just yet.

I gather myself off the ground and start the trek back to town. I need new clothes. Something that doesn’t scream ‘Junior Deputy!’, something that’ll let me find and rescue my friends.

The key to Staci Pratt’s apartment hangs on my keychain. I know where Joey Hudson and Earl Whitehorse hide their spare house key. Never been to Nancy’s house. Never wanted to. Now I wish I knew where it was, so I could pay her a visit later. But first, I have to get to town without being caught.

Time flies by quickly on the walk, cars are loud enough that they give me enough time to hide, not that are many out this early. The stolen Peggie’s radio is kept on with the volume low so that if they’re plotting anything, I’ll at least have a heads up. My bond with Joseph hums with satisfaction and a low level of longing. Something must have gone well for him tonight, even if I’ve managed to get away. I doubt it’ll be that easy again.

It’s even easier to get into Pratt’s apartment. None of the Peggies are watching it. Probably figured that since he’s been caught, there’s no reason to. Oh well, their failure is my gain.

I’ve got a stash of clothes at Pratt’s house in case of emergencies, not that this was what we were thinking of. But it’s lucky, it’s going to be a lot harder to get back to my house. My aunt’s cabin is closer to the Whitetail Mountains than it is to the town. And I’m not sure how to hotwire a car….yet.

It’s nice to get clean, and after I’m dressed in regular clothes I sit down and rub my fingers over my soulmarks. Four little patterns, that hold so much of my heart in them. One found, bond starting to form, but we both know now. Ever since that touch in the helicopter, the start is there. Growing.

.

Across the county, John Seed sits in the living room of Seed Ranch. His brother is safe and they have three of the people who came to arrest him in captivity. He’s looking forward to getting Joey Hudson to say ‘yes’. But one face bothers him, the Junior Deputy that tried to warn the marshal before escaping. Their face was familiar in a way he couldn't place. The light in the church too low for him to proper pick out and remember where he knew those features from.

At least the panic from his unmet soulmate has calmed down. Its morphed into a mix of determination and calm. Joseph’s seen their soulmate coming before the Collapse. Met them when the Sheriff came to try and take him. John is a little envious that Joseph got to start his bond with them first, before they escaped. But it’s an understandable envy, not a sinful one. Soulmates are god-given. One day soon he’ll get to meet them, start their bond, hold them close. They might have gotten away this time, but the Seed’s are determined. They’ll find their missing soulmate. There is now no place in Hope County that they can hide for long.

[askdawnandvern]

A Lamb Among Wolves Ch:16

Bonds of Brotherhood

Vernon was completely livid. His mind was simply replaying Zach's words over and over again, every statement overlapping each other creating a muddled, almost deafening mental static. With each echo, each replay of the words Dorian had sent Zach to say the wolf could feel the fire inside screaming to erupt from every pore. It made his fur tingle all over, as if it were mere seconds away from catching and engulfing the wolf in a spectacular inferno. Vernon mindlessly marched forward, blind to nearly everything but the back of the corn truck that lie before him. Getting to that truck was the only goal that was managing to keep the wolf from pitching a fit in the middle of the driveway, he just had to keep it together until he was out of sight. Out of sight of the family, and most importantly out of sight of his mate.

It didn't take Vernon very long to cross the drive and reach the van. It's dark cool interior lined with buckets of corn and boxes of his Mother's delicious pumpkin pies. Riding in the back of the truck was something Vernon usually enjoyed when harvest season came around. As a pup, getting out of the lingering heat of the dying Summer while being inundated in the sweet and sugary scent of his Mother's famous pastries was a warm and comforting memory. Without fail, at least one pie wouldn't make it to the fair unscathed between Vernon and whoever else was riding in back with him. But now the smell seemed repulsive and bitter, the pleasant memory drowned out by the heat roiling beneath his pelt.

Making his way to the back of the truck, the wolf practically threw himself against the steel seating, barely registering the painful shockwaves the impact sent through his hip bones. In fact, it did little more than anger Vernon further, and once again the wolf found himself throwing another wild punch at the nearby wall. The enraged wolf let out a loud snarl as the metal siding of the truck rumbled with the impact. That time he felt the pain, his knuckles now screaming in agony from making contact with the un-yielding wall. The pain was at least a distraction, something that manage to diffuse some of the steam that had been screaming for an outlet. Vernon sucked in his breath sharply as he pulled his wounded paw toward his chest protectively. Eyeing his now throbbing hand, the wolf gently massaged his knuckles to check had badly he had damaged them. They were sore certainly, but thankfully not sprained. It would most likely be little more than a forgotten memory by the time he reached the fair. Unfortunately he didn't have that luxury when it came to his Father and Zach.

Vernon grit his teeth as the rapidly diffusing pain allowed the phrases to rise in his mind once more.

"P-Pa-Pa thinks it would be best the for the family if... you two hung back here for the day." He could hear Zach repeat.

"Pa thinks that between you two being a predator prey couple..." Vernon crossed his arms, letting out another snarl as he glowered at the floor.

"...and who Dawn is..." Vernon could feel bile rising in his throat, and he part his clenched teeth in order to bite his tongue in a effort to quell the sickening feeling.

"That it'll cause a huge stir! Maybe a scene! And Pa thinks it could cause trouble for the whole family's reputation!"

Vernon let out another loud snarl as he kicked the nearest bucket of corn as hard as he could. The large worn blue tub barely moved under the weight of the cobs it contained. Instead, it only caused Vernon more pain as the impact pulsed up his leg. Vernon let out another hiss before returning to his seat, once again crossing his arms and turning toward the nearest wall.

"How could they?!" Vernon barked. "How could he!?" The wolf shook his head briskly. Vernon was beside himself, his anger only dwarfed by his disbelief as to what had happened. Vernon wasn't sure what to expect from his Father after the dinner the previous night. He had hoped perhaps things would turn around, that Dorian would see Dawn for the mammal she really was. But the wolf had also been prepared for Dorian to keep up his cold stance, and refuse to apologize. It would have made things harder sure, but it was something Vernon was prepared to deal with. Something he thought his Father could be brought around on, or at the very least come to terms with and accept. He had not expected however, that his Father would ask him and Dawn not to come to the fair at all. And to go so far as to have Zach be the one to deliver the news rather than telling Vernon himself made it hurt that much more.

The wolf took a deep breath, letting out a sharp sigh as he attempted to calm himself. Yet despite his best efforts he could still hear Zach's excuses floating around in his head.

"That it'll cause a huge stir!"

"Maybe a scene!"

Vernon rubbed his temples as he let out groan.

"...cause trouble for the whole family's reputation!"

The wolf threw his head back, letting out a long exhale as he stared up at the ceiling of the truck.

That's what Dorian had said, or at least what Zach had told Vernon he had said. But was that the real reason? Vernon wasn't sure, but he had his suspicions. His Father was often indirect when he was being evasive about his true intentions. The wolf could recall him behaving in a similar way when he had told him he wanted to be an architect instead of a police officer. Vernon could still remember standing in his Father's study, looking him straight in the eye, mustering up every once of his courage and simply laying out his intentions for the old mammal. The wolf could remember the feeling of anxiety eating away at his insides as the statement left his muzzle, followed by a seemingly unending silence from the older wolf. The wait for an answer was almost a torture in itself, but eventually Dorian finally responded by simply telling him they would 'talk later'.

As it would turn out, 'talking later' was pretty much code for having Audrey tell Vernon that Dorian felt it was a bad idea, and the beginning of a war of attrition between the two wolves. In time of course, his Father seemed to muster the courage to directly tell Vernon that he didn't want him 'wasting his time at something wolves don't do'.  But the start of Vernon's battle for independence began with using the other members of the Hunter household as unwilling messengers, mostly on Dorian's part.

It was shame, that was his reasoning that Vernon would later find out. He could remember during one of the last embittered arguments before he left the Hunter Ranch being told he was throwing away everything Dorian had painstakingly set up for each of his pups. That Vernon was throwing away a stable future, and a career he could take pride in.

"It's in your blood Vernon! You can't just walk away from it!" Dorian barked.

"Well I'm walking." Vernon replied.

"Vernon, this is a one time opportunity, If you toss it aside I won't be bailing you out! Once you fail, you're stuck boy." Dorian replied.

"And what if I don't fail Pa!?" Vernon snapped back, staring his Father right in the eyes. "What if I succeed!? Huh!? What if I excel!? Didja ever think that!?"

Dorian squeezed the bridge of his muzzle, letting out a tired sigh.

"You won't." The wolf replied coolly." You got talent boy, real talent that yer gonna waste out there! You were made to protect other mammals like it or not!"

"I'm done fightin' Pa." Vernon groaned. "The last thing I want to do is go into something where I have to fight half the time. You have six other sons who are working law, ain't that enough!?" Vernon panted. "Why can't I do something else!?"

"Vern-"Dorian reached out to Vernon, trying to place his paw on his shoulder. However, Vernon pulled away. He had to be strong, to keep his resolve.

"I'm going Pa, I'm done. Gus has a place to stay and a job for me. I'm doing it. I have to, for me!" Vernon whined.

"I'm not helping you."

"I didn't ask you to." Vernon replied coldly. "I can do it myself."

With that Vernon began to storm toward the stairwell, set on spending the rest of the evening calming down on the basement couch and trying to forget the argument. But as he reached for the knob his Father spoke again.

"Vernon." Vernon froze, glancing over his shoulder at the old white wolf.

"You would shame this family?" The wolf paused. "Shame me by throwing you life away on something so foolish?"

Vernon let out a cold, calm breath.

"It's your choice." Vernon replied. "You get to choose whether you're ashamed or not. But it's my life to live."

Vernon sighed, his paw still poised on the door knob.

"I don't have a choice." Dorian replied.

Vernon could remember how hearing his Father say that hit him. He didn't turn around, or cry, or even speak. But inside it felt like someone had cored the wolf and stuffed his body full of bricks. The weight of his words burned them into the very strata of Vernon's being. After everything he'd done, his brother's had done, Vernon not choosing the career his Father wanted for him earned him his shame. Dorian was ashamed of him.

And it was then it became clear to Vernon the true motivations behind why he didn't want the couple to go to the fair. Dorian was simply ashamed of him. His Father was ashamed at who he had chosen to be his mate. A prey mammal and an ex-criminal. And not just any ex-criminal, but one who nearly every mammal could recognize by her face alone. Vernon knew better, he knew that even if the locals had a problem with seeing a pred/prey couple walking around the fair they would be far too meek to speak up. And with what Dawn had done to save the city, the odds of finding someone who still held her original night howler scheme against her were slim to none. It was about being an embarrassment to Dorian, and once again going against what his Father had wanted for him. Continuing to fail in the eyes of the older white wolf. And what hurt even worse was the fact that Zach had been more or less swayed by his words. That Zach agreed with his Father about the fair. That managed to cut the wolf like a knife, and Vernon found himself leaning over to stare at the floor.

Letting out another sigh, another sensation began to creep into Vernon's mind. The easily recognizable inkling of fear and doubt. Whatever lingering hope he had of managing to get his Father's approval for getting a 'tithing' ceremony were almost completely extinguished. And worse yet, the words that keep swirling around in his mind were starting to pick away at his resolve. Clearly his Father was ashamed, it had to be that. But what if someone did speak up at the fair? Someone called the couple out and made a scene. Would that have some sort of impact on his Mother's stand? What if it had? Would it change the way she felt about Dawn, about Vernon? The wolf found himself biting his claws as he continued to travel down the rapidly negative spiral of thought. Vernon didn't care about what other's thought about Dawn and his relationship, even the other members of his family. If they didn't like her, or refused to accept her, that was something Vernon could deal with. But if he were responsible for something bad happening to the rest of the family because of him and Dawn, he wasn't exactly sure how he could handle it.

TAP! TAP! "H-hey big bro."

Vernon sat straight up to find a familiar white wolf peeking into the back of the van, his paw still hovering over the wall he had knocked on to get his attention. Placing a paw over his muzzle, Vernon closed his eyes and let out a groan.

"I-I don't want to talk right now Trent." Vernon mumbled. "I really want to be alone."

Despite Vernon's refusal, the wolf could feel the truck bob slightly as Trenton climbed into the back. Opening his eyes he could see the wolf carefully making his way toward him.

"It's either me or Ulric." Trenton said. "Because I'm stuck on this truck for the ride out. No room in the other cars." Trenton gave an awkward cough.

Vernon let out another irritated groan.

"I mean if you want to talk about the 'Illubaahnati' for the whole trip I ca-"

"Sit your ass down Trent." Vernon grumbled, gesturing to the seat next to him.

The white wolf flashed Vernon a meek smile before easing himself into the seat next to him. Once seated, Vernon watched as the white wolf raised a paw and gave two more heavy taps against the back of the cab, and after a moment Vernon felt a shudder travel through the van as it rumbled to life.

"Just letting 'em know were good to go back here." Trenton said. "Can't afford to be late after all."

Vernon let out another dismissive grumble before returning to his leaning stance. The wolf was taking deliberately slow and deep breaths as he focused on the metal flooring beneath him. It was an attempt to try and clear his head, to calm him down, but it was doing very little to accomplish that. He couldn't shake his Father's words, or the doubt that was slowly consuming him. His rage now mostly boiled off, leaving behind a growing sorrow in it's absence. For the first time, Vernon was starting to give serious consideration to just calling it quits, simply packing up and heading back to the city with his tail between his legs.

"I'm sorry I missed your graduation."

"W-what?" Vernon sat back up, staring at Trent in surprise. The statement had completely caught him off guard.

Trenton scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"I-I said I'm sorry I missed your graduation." Trenton repeated. "I'm would have really liked to be there. I mean, you did it Pup. That's a huge deal."

Vernon gave a slight scoff before shaking his head.

"I wasn't at it." Vernon muttered.

"What?" Trent replied.

"Dawn was in the hospital during that whole thing." Vernon replied somberly. "I-I couldn't leave her alone during that." The wolf paused. "I wouldn't."  Vernon could feel Trenton's paw pat him on the back.

"Sweet sawgrass, I'm sorry. I didn't know the details on that." Trenton sighed. "I thought that was before your graduation."

Vernon simply shook his head no.

"S'not like I made your's either." Vernon muttered.

"Hmm?" Trent asked.

Vernon crooked his head up to look at his brother.

"Yours was the same week remember?" Vernon added. "Like two days apart. I couldn't be at yours or mine."

Trenton chuckled. "Ah don't worry about it." The wolf grinned. "You've seen one of us graduate a police academy you've really seen 'em all."

Vernon couldn't help but chuckle despite his soured mood. It was true, Vernon had seen enough graduations that prominently featured badges and handcuffs for a lifetime.

"Still yours would have been something to see." Trent continued. "Finally one of achieves somethin' that ain't farmin' or keepin' the peace."

Vernon let out another scoff as he leaned back into a sitting position. The wolf raised his arms above his head, stretching in a effort to get more comfortable. Now looking out at the back of the van, the wolf could see they had begun to move. The Hunter ranch was slowly pulling out of sight, being obscured by the family corn field. It was too late to go back now he supposed, they were already on their way. All the wolf could do was keep his fingers crossed that the fair wouldn't be as bad as his mind was now screaming at him that it would be.

"I'm proud of you."

Vernon turned his head sharply toward his brother in shock, once again caught off guard.

"W-what?" He stammered back.

"I said I'm proud of you Vern." Trenton repeated, flashing Vernon a genuine smile.

Vernon could feel the tears rising almost immediately, and he did his best to push them back down inside. The last thing he wanted to do was cry, and especially not in front of family.

"D-damnit Trent." Vernon tried to remain stoic but his voice betrayed him, cracking as he spat out his reply. Vernon gave a hard sniffle as he chocked back the urge to sob. "S-stop it, I know what yer doin'."

"What?" Trenton smiled. "I mean that."

"Yer trying to get me to spill my guts about what's going on." Vernon sniffled again.

"Well, I would like you to talk to me if you want to." Trenton replied. "But I'm proud of you anyway."

Vernon let out a sigh, running a paw through his tuft of hair. Trenton was an expert at worming his way under someone's emotional defenses. The white wolf gave off an aurora of kindness and understanding that made mammals just open up to him. With a skill like that it made him perfect for police work, the perfect example of a good cop. But Vernon wagered it must be somewhat wasted on being a regional trooper, as Vernon assumed he probably ended up letting a lot of mammals off with a simple warning.

"But we can talk about anything, we don't have t-"

"Pa doesn't want Dawn and me going to the fair." Vernon spat, his lips curling around his teeth as if he were letting out a silent growl.

"What?" Trenton asked, his tone tinged with disbelief.

"Pa doesn't want us there." Vernon reiterated. "Says it'll cause trouble."

"Why?" Trenton continued to press, clearly still somewhat lost.

Vernon leaned his head back against the wall, staring at the ceiling. He let out another long sigh.

"Either cause of who Dawn is, or because were dating, or both." Vernon grumbled. "Say's us being there will cause a scene or possibly threaten the Hunter reputation."

The two fell silent, allowing the ambience of the whistling wind and the rumble of the engine to fill the cargo area. Tilting his head back down he could see they had now completely left the drive. The corn field had been replaced with the gentle swaying wheat stalks of another nearby farm.

"I think that's ridi"

"You thought about it." Vernon cut him off.

"What?" Trenton replied.

"You didn't reply right away." Vernon said, still staring at the various farms that were passing them by. "You were considering what Pa said."

The van was quiet again, save for the vehicle shuddering as it plotted along the country lane.

"Vernon, well I, I mean it's-"

"It's fine." Vernon muttered. "I'm already sort of burned through the shock and rage." The wolf gave a dull chuckle. "I'm actually starting to think maybe he's on to something."

"Vernon." The wolf could feel his brother's paw on his knee, and turned to look at him.

"I don't care about what Pa thinks." Trenton gave Vernon a serious stare. "I'm worried about you and Dawn."

"Hmm?" Vernon mumbled.

"What if some mammal does come up and makes a scene about you two?" Trenton winced. "Or worse yet, what if they're looking for a fight? Looking to hurt you two."

Vernon laughed, giving a brisk and dismissive nod.

"Ah shoot, ain't nothin' worse out here than what we already deal with in Zootopia."  Vernon gave his own pat to Trenton's knee. "We got harassed on the train ride up here for the gods sakes." Vernon sighed.

"Really?" Trenton replied.

Vernon gave a simple nod before he turned his attention back to the moving scenery.

"Some young prideful red wolf girl and her eager to prove himself boy toy. I tell ya, it really took me back." The wolf chuckled. "It was almost like I was looking at myself in junior high. Back when I was with Ana." Vernon cringed, sticking his tongue out in disgust.

"I remember her." Trenton shuddered as he spoke. "Windpaw right?"

Vernon nodded.

"She was a real nasty piece of work. A real..." Trenton halted for a moment, drawing Vernon's attention back to him. His brother seemed hesitant to continue.

"Bitch?" Vernon smirked.

Trenton shook his head, a quiet chuckle escaping his lips. "Both biologically and behaviorally."

"No truer words have ever been spoken my brother." Vernon replied.

"So what happened?" Trenton leaned forward expectantly, a worried look forming across his face.

Vernon let out a sigh. "We dealt with it." Vernon shrugged. "I mean, me and Dawn expected that kind of stuff going into this relationship. We don't care what anyone else thinks." A warm smile crept across Vernon's muzzle. "We love each other, and that's that."

"So then..." Trenton trailed off. "What's the problem?" The wolf asked.

"I didn't give it too much thought before, but what if Dawn and I end up pulled into some big spectacle?" Vernon placed a paw to his forehead. "Then what happens to you guys?" The wolf sighed.

"Well, I don't know about the others, but you know Qali and I would stand up for you if we were there. And based on what I saw in the Dining room I figure most of the family would do the same." Trenton replied.

"That's not what I'm saying." Vernon mumbled.

"Well Pa and Yuri won-"

"I'm talking about Ma, about the Meadowlands." Vernon replied.

"Huh?" Trenton asked.

Vernon pinched the bridge of his snout, squeezing his eyes shut as he mustered the will to continue the line of logic that was tearing at him.

"I'm not worried about Pa, but what about Ma's stand? What about the life she's gotta live in the Meadowlands?" Vernon groaned. " What if mammals who don't like what I've got going on with Dawn take it out on her?"

The back of the van fell deaf under Vernon's words, once again beset by the simple ambience of machines and nature. Vernon went back to staring at the shimmering bronze tall grass as it passed by. Each new gust of wind cut a new swath across the fields. It seemed like forever before Trenton finally spoke again.

"Ma said she'd back you up." Trenton said calmly. " You know when it comes to us she doesn't care what anybody thinks Vernon."

Vernon felt Trenton's paw clasp down hard on his shoulder. The wolf turned to find Trenton staring him down with a deathly serious gaze.

"Ma would give up her life for any one of us in a heartbeat, so I doubt she'd give two shits about something like being snubbed by a bunch of stuck up Meadowlanders." The wolf concluded. "Neither would I."

Vernon forced a smile to his muzzle, but it faltered quickly.

"But still-"

"But still nothing Vernon!" Trenton was firm, although he didn't raise his voice. "If you aren't worried about how you and Dawn handle harassment, then don't worry about us." Trenton grimaced. " We can certainly handle ourselves."

Vernon gave a reluctant affirmative grunt.

"Still I take it Pa's reasoning wasn't taking the well-being of Dawn and you into account when he said it or else you wouldn't have stormed out of the house the way you had?" Trent released his grip, placing both paws on his knees.

Vernon scoffed. "He sent Zach to say it to me."

Vernon watched Trenton visibly cringe, making a loud sharp inhale as he reeled backward.

"Well that clears up my follow-up question." Trenton said with a weak chuckle.

"Zach's such an idiot." Vernon grumbled. "He spends yesterday claiming up and down about he's not Pa's errand boy, and yet today here comes obedient little Zach ready to side with Pa." Vernon hissed. "I swear, they may as well be sewn together."

"Well, you didn't stick around long enough to hear him out did you?" Trenton asked. "Maybe he was worried about the same things you were? About how our family would deal with the backlash of being connected to Dawn?"

Vernon scoffed. "Then why didn't he do what you did!?" The wolf gestured an arm toward the open fields outside the truck. "If he was so keen on supporting us, why didn't he stand up for us to Pa when he suggested those things!? Tell him that he was going to stand by me, that the family was going to stand by me!?" Vernon balled his fist tightly, slamming it into the seat next to him. " Sometimes he can be more of a weasel than Wade, although at least he doesn't lie about his giraffe mate!"

Vernon's anger immediately receded in favor of panic as the realization of what he said hit him. His eyes widening in horror as he turned to face Trenton.

"Wade's dating a giraffe?" Trenton smirked.

Vernon raised his paws defensively. "Trenton, swear to me you won't say anything to anyone!"

"What, why?" Trenton replied, raising an eyebrow.

"I promised Wade I wouldn't tell anyone as long as he told Ma and Pa before the weekend is over." Vernon whined. "I need your word on this."

Trenton mimed pulling a zipper from one side of his muzzle to the other.

"You have my solemn promise big brother." Trenton said, raising the paw as if taking an oath. "I will not tell, as long as you promise me something..."

Vernon eyed the wolf in confusion. With Trent, keeping a promise was as good as gold. Despite being the youngest in the pack he always had been the brother to go to when you needed to discuss something privately, as well as keeping it that way. Trenton was the first one in the family Vernon told about his intentions to got to school for architecture rather than the police academy. But Trent never was one to ask for something in return, he was never one to put a price on his silence.

"What?" Vernon asked.

Trenton put a paw on Vernon's shoulder, flashing the wolf a warm smile.

"Promise me you'll forgive Zach." Trenton replied.

Vernon's muzzle twisted into a grimace. "Oh come o-"

Trenton raised his paws defensively. "I know, I know, what he did was thoughtless." The wolf protested. "You know he can be easily influenced to believe stupid things! Hell he's the only one who willingly listens to Ulric's ramblings from time to time." Trenton placed his paw back on Vernon's shoulder. "But you know his heart is usually in the right place, and he doesn't want to hurt anyone."

Vernon let out a snort, crossing his arms in defiance, earning a dull stare from Zach.

"Okay, fine....be that way..." Trenton cooed. "But now I'm curious, I wonder if Wade wouldn't mind me asking him some technical questions on how a wolf manages to mate with a giraffe."

Vernon let out a prolonged groan.

"UUUhhhhhhhhhggggggg! Fine!" The wolf hissed. "I'll let Zach off for this one."

Trenton smiled at his brother warmly, once again sealing his muzzle with a phantom zipper. "I'll keep the questions to myself until I hear it from Wade then."

Vernon let out long sigh, returning his sights to the road behind them. At some point it had changed from dirt to concrete, and the wolf could now see other cars around them. He wasn't sure exactly how close they were to the festival now, but he remember it was practically directly off the highway they were now on. Looking up toward the sky, the wolf could catch the last bits of morning orange hiding just at the edge of the North Mountains.

"Since you've already got me spilling my guts to you..." Vernon trailed off. "I may as well tell you what I really came out here for this weekend."

To Vernon's surprise, Trenton leaned forward with keen interest, a wry smile forming on his muzzle.

"I have my suspicions." Trenton raised his eyebrow.

Vernon was immediately incredulous. The wolf leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms as he eyed Trenton warily. Trenton had a knack for picking up on little things to piece together the bigger picture. The white wolf had been that way since they were pups, always able to figure out where one of the brothers left a toy on the vaguest of clues, and was the best at sniffing out where someone had been from the tiniest scent he could pick up. It was something he had only gotten better with as he got older, yet it was another wasted skill on the position of regional trooper. Still despite his natural talent, Vernon was quite dubious the wolf could figure out exactly why Vernon chose to come visit now of all times. There was practically nothing to go on, and if Trent hadn't figured out Wade's mate was a giraffe without being told directly, Vernon highly doubted he could figure it out.

Vernon chuckled. "Alright, I'll let you have your fun." The wolf shook his head dismissively. "I know you love a good mystery."

Trenton clapped his paws together excitedly. "Alright, let's see." The white wolf scratched his chin as he leaned closer to Vernon, eyeing him suspiciously. "What would bring Puppy out aside from simple introductions to his new mate?"

Trenton leaned back, rolling his eyes slightly as he seemed to mull over what he knew.

"The last time you came out was for Zach's tithing two years back." The wolf tapped his chin. "And you left early because of Yuri, that was obvious."

Vernon nodded affirmatively, his arms still tightly crossed.

"Before that you only ever came out when Yuri wasn't around. You never made it a priority to meet our mates at the homestead. You always had us visit Zootopia. So in turn I imagine it wouldn't be a huge deal if we hadn't all been here to meet Dawn." The wolf's tongue wriggled out of the corner of his maw as he continued to puzzle over Vernon's intentions. "No, no. But tithing ceremonies we all had to be there for. It's an important family event, that's why you tried to put up with Yuri as best you could for Zach's sake."

Vernon crooked an eyebrow as his brother continued his thought process. He could already feel disbelief swirling in his mind as his brother seemingly edged closer to what Vernon intended to do. 'There is no way'. Vernon thought to himself.

"So you came out here, despite Yuri's presence, introduce Dawn to Ma and Pa knowing we'd all be here." Trenton leaned in again, studying Vernon carefully.

"But even without Yuri you are having an extremely rough time, something's really eating at you. Got ya all twisted up. After all, you haven't shown a lick of violent tendencies since ya swore that stuff off. Yet here you are punching walls." Trenton grimaced. "It's something big, real big. To have you hurtin' this bad."

"Well, how would you feel if Pa didn't think your mate was worthy of..." Vernon bit his tongue, stopping himself from revealing the answer so carelessly.

Trenton clapped his paws together again. "Pup! You fixin' to tithe Dawn!?"

Vernon stared at the white wolf in partial shock.

"Y-you..." Vernon stammared. " I mean, you figured it out from-"

Trenton shook his head briskly, laughing heartily as he did so. "No, no! I had more than enough to go on!" The wolf slapped his knee.

"Pft...sure." Vernon shook his head, crossing his arms again.

"So that's why you wanted everyone to be here!" Trenton continued. "Your fixin to tithe her under the harvest moon on Monday aren't ya! Make it a real wolf ceremony right?"

Vernon looked at his brother in slight confusion.

"E-er...no." Vernon shook his head. " I mean, that's probably too soon to put something like that together." Vernon shrugged. "I'd want Dawn's Ma out for it, and ya know..." Vernon scratched the back of his head.

Trenton frowned sharply. "Huh, I would think that was why you wanted everyone to be here."

"Vernon shook his head again. "I wanted to get Pa's blessing and then announce it to ya'll." Vernon asserted. "Then we could figure out a time to do it when everyone could come out again. Even Yuri, much as I'd hate to have him."

Trenton placed a paw to his chin, a look of mild disappointment crossing his face.

"Hmm...guess I'm getting rusty." Trenton sighed. "I don't get enough practice monitoring the highway for speeders all day. Still I can see why Pa's got you so flustered. I imagine you would have torn into him by now if it weren't for the fact you were holding out for getting his blessing."

Vernon let out a long sigh, placing a paw to his temple. "I-I want to bring him around. I have to Trent." Vernon shook his head. "If I explode on him there's no way he'll consider allowing Dawn into the pack." Placing his head in his paws, the wolf let out a loud groan. "Not that playing nice seems to be working anyway, I mean he just un-invited us to the fair!" The wolf threw his paws up. "What am I gonna do Trenny? Give me an idea! Please."

The white wolf placed a paw on Vernon's shoulder, flashing the wolf a warm smile.

"Y'know, you ain't the only one thinking about getting tithed Vern." Trent said.

Vernon opened his eyes wide, blinking rapidly as he stared back at Trenton.

"Y-you mean you, and Qails?" Vernon muttered.

Trenton nodded. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately." The wolf let out an amorous sigh. "I mean I haven't really discussed it with her or anything. I really ain't sure if she'll say yes or not." The white wolf frowned.

"Y'know..." Vernon scratched the back of his head awkwardly as he trailed off. " I always thought Qails was a little too...energetic for you." Vernon gave a meek smile.

Trenton chuckled, giving Vernon a soft punch in the arm. "That's what I like about her dummy." The wolf grinned back.

"In case you haven't noticed, I kinda take the easiest route I can to get through my life." Trenton sighed. " In that way I'm kinda boring. I don't really challenge myself, and I hate taking risks. It's never really been my style Pup."

"Mhh." Vernon nodded for the wolf to continue, still unsure of exactly where he was going with his self depreciating line of reasoning.

"But Qali, she's adventurous, she's got spunk." The wolf let out another pining sigh. "My little snowflake really lights up my life, y'know. She taught me how to have fun and take some risks." Trenton's smile grew wide, and his eyes sheened with a dreamy glare. "She's just...she makes me a better mammal."

Vernon felt a goofy grin of his own crawling across his muzzle. He had always been a bit of a sucker for the lovey dovey stuff, and seeing his brother so in love made his heart swell with warmth.

"She's..." Trenton trailed off. "She's my soulmate Vern."

Vernon's ears perked up, his eyes going wide as his brother's words fully registered. Placing a paw on Trenton's shoulder, Vernon was smiling ear to ear.

"That's Dawn for me Trenny." Vernon sighed. "That's Dawn for me."

"I figured." Trenton smiled back. "You wouldn't go to the mat this hard for any other reason big brother."

Trenton placed his paw on top of Vernon's giving it a slight shake. "And if I was in yer shoes I wouldn't fall back on the easiest route out." Trenton said. "If it was me and Qails in yer shoes we'd be fightin' tooth and nail to bring Pa around. No matter what."

Vernon could feel the tears from before starting to work their way back up to his eyes, and desperately tried to push them down, letting out a gasping choke in response.

"And me and Qails are gonna do all we can to help you and Dawn out! I don't know how we'll help bring Pa around, but we'll damn well try Pup!"

Vernon let out another gasp, but he couldn't stop the tears. The wolf aggressively wiped his eyes, trying to at the very least keep the tears from being visible. Vernon had reached his limit, and wrapped his paws around his brother, pulling him in tightly for a hug.

"T-thanks Trenny." Vernon sniffled as he dug grinded his muzzle into his brother's shoulder. "I-I just...thank you." The wolf choked. "I-I needed to hear that."

He could feel Trenton pat his back a few times before breaking away. The white wolf was now pawing at his own eyes.

"W-well that's what brothers are for Vern." Trent smiled. "Besides what else can we do? Can't just give up now can we?"  Trenton placed a paw to his chest, swelling it in faux pride. "'That's not the Hunter way.' As Pa would say."

Vernon wiped the lingering tears from his eyes, letting off a final sniffle as the urge to weep began to die away.

"W-well at least I'd like to try everything before I settle on going to my last resort." Vernon sighed.

Trenton eyed him curiously, arching an eyebrow in obvious confusion.

"What do you mean Pup?" Trenton queried. "You ain't planning anything drastic now are you?"

"Let's just hope it don't come to that." Vernon replied. "I'm sure it won't." Despite the firmness of his statement, Vernon couldn't help but feel a pang of unease travel through him.

'It won't.' Vernon thought. 'Please don't make me have to do it Pa.'

----------------------------------------------

I’m so sorry I nearly forgot to post on here today. I uploaded it to FF, but I’m still getting over this ear infection and decided to put off doing the chapter card for the other websites today. Only problem was I forgot I usually don’t use them on Tumblr, and that I needed to post. Anyway, sorry for the delay, here’s the chapter.

-WT

[cosmosogler]

today i got up kind of late. it’s weird. when it’s time for bed i don’t want to/can’t lay still and fall asleep. then when it’s time to get up i don’t want to get out of bed. it’s really good.

i mostly stayed in my room today... i watched the final pam at asher’s request and that was pretty great. mom and dad went to costco but i didn’t really feel up to going out in public.

mother did not bring home anything i could cook, so i had hummus for dinner. i have three different kinds: red pepper, jalapeno, and, i think, chili. i had tried making mac and cheese for dinner and that didn’t go very well. i don’t think i had even half of what i made.

after dinner i took wiley out for a quick walk. i know he always wants to be out for a long time, but i just haven’t really wanted to go too far. in the next-door neighbor’s yard we found a pigeon. it did not try to walk or fly away when we trotted up to it. before i could stop him wiley was inspecting the bird. the bird still didn’t try to get away. by the time i pulled wiley back i saw a line of drool across the pigeon’s wing. 

i was practically still on our driveway so i went back and rang the doorbell until mom answered. i told her there was an injured bird. she said so? and also “don’t touch it, they carry diseases” (typically untrue) then she went and got dad. dad came out and looked at it. it walked up to us and stood between me and wiley and dad. he said it was probably sick and to leave it alone so it could die in the wild a free bird. i watched it walk out into the street and sit there. when no cars came it picked itself up and walked the rest of the way across and sat in that neighbor’s yard under a car.

i told myself if it was still there when wiley and i got back to the house i would do something. this was... a mistake, probably, but in the long run don’t think it would have mattered. it was on randy’s driveway when we got back. i went inside and looked at some pigeon shelters in the city. then i tried to talk dad into letting me get the pigeon and set up a box for it.

he argued with me about whether or not it’s better to die at home or go to the hospital, when you could potentially survive. it felt weird because i’m not normally the kind of person who wants to live longer. but like, if something is wrong and you can do something about it, you should? while dad kept talking i went and got a box and went in the garage with mom complaining behind me from her room. he told me my box was too small and picked up a bigger one and put the rest of the hamster’s padding on the bottom. i carried the box across the street and the bird was dead. 

i kind of crouched next to it for a minute, then i went back home and told dad it was dead. he asked “really?” and it was like... why doesn’t anyone believe me when i tell them things? first it was mom and her coworkers in the office about whether or not that broken web site was working or not, it took them like a whole hour to confirm it was in fact not working. waste of my time.

dad came over to check for himself and poked it with a rock. then he rolled it over to the rocks next to randy’s driveway and left it there. i suggested we bury it in the backyard, it wouldn’t be difficult, and he said to throw it over our backyard fence into the ranch land so the coyotes could eat it. he ended up leaving it on the rocks though.

when we got inside dad made a joke about the bird and my mom cried out with “i told her not to do it! i TOLD her not to do it! i can’t believe she brought that thing in the house.” i stared at her from the living room. dad told her the bird had died. 

i don’t feel... guilty about the bird dying. if i had rescued it earlier i think it would have died around the same time. i wouldn’t have been able to keep it alive overnight to take it to a wildlife rescue. i feel guilty because, i didn’t help the bird until it was too late, just because my parents said not to. how far does the “not my business” philosophy extend? if i saw someone getting mugged, would i step in? how could i help in that situation except by calling someone else for help? would i do it even if it put me in danger?

i hope i know the answers to those questions, but the uncertainty leaves me feeling kind of cold and empty. especially since i just did what mother said AGAIN, even though i knew it wasn’t what i should have done. i let dad talk me into thinking i could just let the bird disappear and not worry about it if i didn’t see it again. he was like, it would still be alive in my imagination if i didn’t see it die. i told him i wasn’t that young any more and he said he wasn’t either but he still wanted to think that way.

“it’s just a pigeon,” one of them said. “yeah, so let’s go,” i had replied. at least, i think i did... i was thinking it. 

i cut my face in the bathroom. just ripped a whole chunk of skin off. i didn’t even manage to scratch out what i was annoyed about. even though i was proud of how well my chin and neck and cheeks were healing from last time and how i’d managed to not pick at them for days at a time. impulse is weird.

anyway, i spent most of the evening training some pokemon on the side of watching tv. i noticed that my game still seems to be acting very strangely. i was going through the elite four over and over, and you have a 1/8 chance of getting whatever challenger comes to battle you for the champion title. but i got the same guy 7 or 8 times in a row. i lost count. the first three times i was like, ok whatever, it’s happened before, but by 5 i was weirded out. then it kept happening.

i’m gonna see if the date rolling over again fixed anything. everything else seems to be working normally... wild pokemon are randomized, my festival plaza was fine if a little unlucky today, the time in the pelago was passing normally. now that the date’s changed the pelago didn’t suddenly decide i had been away for over two days, so that’s a good sign.

no matter what i searched about it on google i could not find any explanation for what happened. no one else on the entire internet has said it happened to them. the list of possible glitches in the game didn’t mention anything like it. given the date, it may have been some sort of prank? but that would have been mentioned somewhere too, i’d think.

diogi isn’t doing well at all. she can’t walk anywhere. she can’t even stand up for more than a few seconds. dad put the baby gate up at the bottom of the stairs so she couldn’t try to climb them any more. while i was downstairs having a snack around 9 she was crying and barking every now and then and looking over at me. dad’s gonna take her to mike, hopefully sometime next week. i don’t think she just has arthritis any more. jake had really similar problems with his back legs toward the end, and that was a neurological thing. i thought about investing in doggy wheels, but i don’t think she’d be able to adjust and our house isn’t really built for something that wide. and she would probably only need it for a little while...

i think eve’s leg is sort of starting to bother her too. she was looking at it earlier and she’s been licking at it now and then when she doesn’t pay much attention to her other back leg. 

i heard a song about someone mourning their dead dog earlier today and i burst into tears. 

i had meant to drink some alcohol but i kind of got wrapped up in watching game grumps and forgot to continue my intake after the first, like, sip. diogi just fell down in the hallway twice. 

last night i had miserable dreams. i don’t know why i didn’t want to get up in the morning after an... adventure... like that. i was at a school for space wizards? i wasn’t really participating in classes, since i couldn’t remember where i was going long enough to get anywhere. there was one student who was trying to end the universe by summoning a black hole. i was trying to stop him or alert the authorities but i couldn’t focus... i kept getting lost in the halls and trapped in non sequitur cutaways. one exchange really stuck out in my memory but the image going with it is kind of nonsensical. i was looking at a computer simulation of two black holes orbiting each other and everything around them was falling in. a teacher said something about different black holes and i said “there’s only one void.” like it doesn’t matter which hole it falls in, everything ends up in the same place. 

i didn’t really care about what happened to me... but i knew i had to stop the black hole wizard. not everyone wants to not be alive. at the end i think i was laying against a wall on a cobblestone road, but it was on a set of pillars. i was looking at the teacher i had teamed up with, and the boy was floating next to the road, and the black hole was there. it was breaking apart the road. i was so tired. then i woke up.

dang... i got a boost to my chances at the lottery for today and i got the lowest prize. then i got “lucky” and got another try, and got the second lowest prize. nice.

i don’t really have anything else to talk about right now. i’m not feeling too well. i was stressed out about some health stuff, but it seemed to go away by the time i had lunch. now my face just hurts. well, the cut hurts. i haven’t been able to get comfortable all day. my feet can’t seem to turn quite right and also the texture of the carpet and plastic rolly chair was bugging me. and my hands and arms are super dry because i’ve been washing my hands too much and my wrists and knuckles are cracked and bleeding. that’s pretty uncomfortable too. lotion doesn’t seem to be helping.

time for bed. laying down has been miserable the last few days. something in my gut isn’t working properly and it just... doesn’t feel good to lay down. and my back always hurts even when i do lay down. and i always have to get up 45 minutes after i go to bed because i can’t finish going to the bathroom the first time i try. that’s been happening 4-5 times a week for like two months. and i still get too nauseous to eat a few bites into my meals at least once a day whether i remember to take my meds or not.

judging from the stuff that’s still happening, despite the pain being mostly gone i still feel like something is wrong and it’s not going away and it’s making everything really difficult. if i’m out with wiley for too long it starts to kinda hurt.

i dunno. i’m going for real this time. no matter when i start writing these journals and how quick i think i’ll be, i always seem to finish just before 1. and then it takes me until after 2 to fall asleep, and then i try and fail to get up at 9:30 the next morning, and so it goes.

[elizacornwall]

Vengeance is an Idiot's Game - Chapter 29 - Canadian Geese

Read all the published chapters here. -------------------------------------------------- Charles had surprised her with yet another gift the next day when she asked to borrow his bow. He had made her her own, beautifully carved out of willow and complete with string and even a bundle of arrows. “Kept it until you had your own horse”, he said as he passed the weapon to her. She thanked him a thousand times, overjoyed by the prospect of gaining more independence with her own equipment. She hurried to the horses and called Polaris name, though the mare didn’t know it yet, so she had to go and get her. Arthur came over from his spot at the cliff to watch as she put on the bridle and saddle. His watchful eyes made her nervous, even more so after yesterday nights self-confession of her feelings towards him. She managed to secure the saddle in place and turned to him. “Is that right?” He approached and checked the straps, nodding approvingly. “You’re a quick learner. Make sure to feed it through this loop again once you’re sat up, that way it ain’t gonna loosen after.” Eliza pulled herself up into the saddle and did what she was told. She was just about to wave goodbye when Morgan stepped close and without warning took hold of her calf, pulling her foot out of the stirrup and moving it over the front of the saddle. She was so taken aback by the sudden touch that it took her a moment to realise he’d just moved her leg out of the way to adjust the stirrups. She was glad he was too focussed on his work to notice her beet red face. He shortened both sides a little, then gestured her to step back in. He moved her foot further into the metal brace. “Here, don’t just tiptoe in them. You gotta have proper hold.”

She swallowed and nodded, scolding her beating heart silently. “Thank you. I’ll be off then, I’ll head towards Emerald Ranch I think. It’s one way I think I know how to get back from”, she laughed. He gave her a half smile and stepped back. “Alright, don’t you go and cause any trouble. I don’t want to have to explain to Dutch we’ll have to send a rescue team ‘cause I let his new fledgeling off before she could fly!” The girl smiled back, she couldn’t help herself. “I’ll show you all my wings when I’m back with some dinner, just wait!”

“Off you go then. See ya later”, he gave Polaris a clap on her hind and she jerked forward, settling down in a slow jog as soon as Eliza gained control again. She laughed heartily and waved at him quickly before leading the way on the little trail between the trees. It’s just harmless banter, it doesn’t mean anything. She was annoyed at herself to feel jolts of hope every time the man gave her the littlest amount of attention. If this continued she would lose her mind before long. Instead of letting her thoughts go down that dangerous slope again, she forced herself to concentrate on the horse beneath her. The mare wasn’t quite as responsive to her signals as Moonshine had been, but she was sure it would only be a matter of time before the two of them would be as familiar with each other. Eliza was full of excitement at her new found freedom and they barely left the shade of the wood before she spurned Polaris into a jog, cantering over the tracks and into the sweeping hills. She knew the approximate direction she’d have to take to end up at the big ranch, so she wasn’t too worried. The lush green hills were full with animals, she decided to just enjoy the ride there and worry about dinner later. She passed between the two massive rock formations that were towering either side of the road and recognised the crossing she had sat by when her and Arthur had stolen the wagon that was now the back wall of her own little corner in camp. It seemed so long ago, yet not even three weeks had passed since then. She followed the road along and accustomed herself with Polaris’ own language, noticing little quirks in her gait and enjoying her willingness to go fast. When they turned a hill she could see the big ranch a bit further to her right and she slowed the mare to a walk. She let her view sweep over the land and spotted a nice flat pond to her left, perfect for a midday break. She turned the horse off the path and across the grass towards the water. Soon she could make out the silhouette of a man, stood at the edge with what looked like was – a camera? Intrigued, she approached. Before she came close enough to greet him though he had taken a picture and suddenly a group of angry geese was waddling towards him, seemingly upset at the flash and smoke that had disturbed their idle paddling. She watched him stumble backwards and fall, then the geese were on him. Eliza couldn’t help but laugh and jumped off Polaris, hurrying to help the man that was now under direct attack. She swatted the geese away, slapping their beaks and yelling at them until eventually they let off and retreated back to the water, hissing and flapping. She turned to the man that was still cowering on the floor and now looked up at her in awe. She burst out in another fit of laughter and stretched her hand out to help him up. “They got you quite well there. Are you alright?” He grabbed her forearm and allowed her to pull him to his feet, patting the dirt off his trousers. “Thank you very much Miss, you saved me! These animals are beautiful, yet absolutely savage it seems.” He was clearly out of breath and struggled to regain his composure. A small smile played around her lips. “You know you’re a lot bigger than them, right? They can’t do much harm if you stay upright.” He looked at her, his brow furrowed. “That may be true, but you seem to know a lot more about these fearsome birds than I do.” He sighed and continued: “Sometimes I wonder if this is the right line of work for me. But then I look at the developed pictures and forget all about it, excited to get back out into the wilderness. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name Miss?” “El- Susan Grimshaw.” She stretched out her hand to him. “And you are?” “Albert Mason, it’s a pleasure to meet you Miss Grimshaw, a pleasure indeed. It seems I owe you my livelihood – if not my life! Who knows what these beaks would have done to me and my equipment if you weren’t near to rush to my aid.” Eliza laughed as they shook hands and bowed down to pick up the hat he had lost. She handed it to him. “So what is it

you’re doing here exactly, take pictures of dangerous geese?” “N-no, well, yes. Not just geese, all wild animals.” He spread his arms wide and turned slowly on the spot. “I’m trying to capture nature’s beauty, god’s creations in their full glory. Only sometimes they don’t seem to agree with my plans. Just a few weeks back my bag got stolen by a coyote… I got it back of course, thanks to a nice hunter that retrieved it for me, bless the man.” She looked at him, still giggling under her breath. That he could lose a bag to a curious coyote was strangely plausible. She rummaged in Polaris’ saddle bag for some bread and turned to the pond. “If you know what they like you’ll get much better pictures. Here, look!” She tore a strip off the roll and held it out to the geese, they were hesitant but curious enough to waddle near her. One particularly bold bird snapped the piece out of her fingers and quickly waddled back to the water. She offered another strip to the man stood behind her. “They’re all bark and no bite, and food is all they really care about. Come on, give it a try!” Mr. Mason took the bread reluctantly and slowly stepped close to her, bowing down to hold it out to the gaggle of geese. Before one of them even got close to his hand he dropped it in panic and jumped back. Eliza laughed again and he made to dismount the camera while she fed them some more bread. “What other animals have you taken pictures of Mr. Mason?” she asked him, curious about his work. “Oh this and that, the coyote of course, elk and bighorn, my proudest picture is of a rare bison, all white! I spotted that beauty up at lake Isabella, almost didn’t see it in the snow! You should have seen it Miss.” He seemed incredibly excited but Eliza could see why. Bison were impressive enough as they were, a white one must truly be a stunning sight. He continued. “I just wish the animals like me as much as I like them. How did you know to scare these geese away if you don’t mind me asking? It’s not really something one would expect a young woman like yourself to know”, he gave her a curious look. She ripped up a last piece and threw it to the ducks that were floating further away in the water, not daring to approach. “Oh, my mum and I had to keep them away from the ducks where I grew up. They bullied the poor birds whenever they rested at our pond on their way down south.” She gave a laugh. “We didn’t have chickens, so duck eggs were crucial to us!” “I see!” He had packed up all his gear when she gave Polaris the last bit of the bread roll and came up to her, holding his hand out. “Well Miss Grimshaw, thank you again. You’re a brave woman, very brave indeed. I hope our paths cross again in the future!” She shook his hand and answered: “I’d like that. I’d be interested to see your work if you ever manage to print or display it!” “Oh hopefully I will. Have a good day now Miss, take care!” With this he mounted his own horse and they trotted off. Eliza shook her head and watched the geese for a while, weighing if she would be able to bring one of them back to Pearson. She decided against it, it didn’t feel right after she had just fed them. She let Polaris graze a bit and ate the apple she packed for lunch herself, then mounted back up and slowly rode across the grass back towards the rock massifs. She crossed the tip of a little hill when she suddenly came face to face with a herd of bison and quickly averted her horse’s path, not sure if these huge animals would appreciate her trotting through their midst. Once they passed the rock formations again she kept a lookout for some game, deer and pronghorn were ample in these parts. She decided to go for a pronghorn, as they were a little lighter and she would surely struggle getting a deer up Polaris’ back without help. There was a herd not too far from her position, and after a quick wind check she moved off the road, hitching her mare to a small bush, just in case. Pulling bow and arrows from the saddle, she slowly snuck up, careful to stay out of the wind. Her heart was pounding hard, she was

nervous and excited at the same time. At least if she failed there would be no one but Polaris around to judge her this time, so she took a few deep breaths before she straightened out a little, knocked the arrow and took aim at one of the does that was grazing peacefully. Breathe out. The arrow hit it straight in the skull, causing the animal to collapse. The rest of the herd sped away and Eliza let out an overjoyed shout of victory. She was useful. She had a horse, a gun and a bow and could take care of herself and others. It lifted her spirits so much, she barely noticed how heavy the carcass was and had it heaved up her horse not long after. She made sure to tie it to the saddle so it wouldn’t fall off before she climbed up herself and they made their way back to camp where she would be welcomed by a happy cook and thankful gang members.

[glopratchet]

No sin

In the world to come there is little sin. You are one of many, and your sins will be forgotten in time. You feel a weight lift off you chest as the darkness fades away. It's been years since you've felt this way, but it feels right somehow. There are just lots of american alligators. You can't help but smile at that thought. After the election of the first ungendered president, the prediatrain movement caught fire in america. By the time you were born, gender seemed to mean very little to anyone besides those who wanted to test the limits of political correctness. As for you, it wasn't something that you thought about on a day to day basis. Underneath the hoodie and baggy pants you wore was skinny body of a boy, not particularly long or rough looking. You didn't really have any extraordinary traits anyway other than your crazy dark blue hair. The demand for american alligator meat skyrocketed in China. By the time your father had retired, he owned a 5,000 acre ranch that was specialized in alligator husbandary. Through cross breeding and expensive robotic labor implants, the cost of labor was pushed down to a minimum, and the value of the meat and others goods produced up to a maximum. By then your mother had long since taken over management of the company and became one of thee richest people in the world. Nike released automatic shoe laces as a gimmick. Whorals where burned to ash while polled hereford heifors fetched over a billion dollars a head in auction. Cows were now a bigger danger than the newly created zorse hybrids. Soon your father bought over McDonalds and with their total indoctrination of mass culture, and pushed for robotic cattle to completely replace livestock. In 2032 came your first billion dollars Luden-100 robot. Your doctorate in mechanical engineering made you the perfect person to design it's personality core, which was the most expensive single part of the 2,567 piece robot. Googizon won the bid to construct for the military the most forward thinking alligator farm in existance. The technology spread over the decades and cattle went the way of the dodo. Anything that couldn't easily be made by robotic means, printers and 3D machines was procesed to nothingness for the good of mother earth. In 2073, you won your first nobel prize alongside your father for leading the development of nanite repairing machinery and a process to make it easier for anything to be made into feed. It currently floats near the okeenokee snow swamp. an area of land that was left unaltered by humanitys hunger. Your the new Jesus and captain of the avengers! This is not that story. You head outside into your $40,000,000 million mansion that overlooks the outskirts of Washington D.C. The republicans have just legalized cannabis in all states and avadi referendum has just made safe legal. We are primal ponds inc. and we brought irony back into the world in a form of vodka. it's being served on our brand new martini yacht as we speak! Everyone in the civilized world is slightly drunk forever! You made the apparently smart decision to divorce yourself from the common man and woman a long, long time ago. Hard work and real privation are for the unenlightened now that we can print food out of thin air and turn sea water into potable H20 with vibrations. A small mom and pop alligator farm attemping to make it. So you can live the small town dream of driving your pick up truck and going hunting with your buddies right? Oh, so you're a member of a new subculture that has been getting traction in red states. The simple living, self-sufficient types who don't trust science or big government. You chose this because it makes you happy working on an old pickup truck, plucking chickens and sorting through animal dung for hours after a full days work... Right? Right? We need you to make deliveries for us. We have a three color process printing press and unlimited colored inks that can produce any type of stash box imaginable. We'll even have our chemists perfect it before initiation. You'd be perfect for this line of work. After a probation period we can talk about your salary and even a stock option plan if you really perform well. No thanks, I think I need to find myself and live an authentic life without the corruption of science or big business. Please... Point of view of the player: It took some help from Sal but with some out of game resources you found your next building: An abandoned mansion that looks like something straight out of a fairy tale. Think Sleeping Beauty castle. It has scenic views of Disneyland to the East and is only a 30 minute drive from Los Angeles which makes it perfect for raiders and anti-raiders alike thanks to a freeway being finished in 2020. You finish organizing your newest staff choices and set out to make sure everything jives well and truly. A delivery champion and a chem expert walk into your office, both fairly young although one could only guess that the chem expert still has traces of acne in his glowing complexion. They're also both ghoul, the delivery one has that clumsy dawrk fur of gray and white, the other a dark chocolatey brown that's probably perfect for the laboratory. "I bolded and underlined the most important one." You state holding your hand out as they hand you there app folder. He had a secert life as billy fea fbots They both blink, then blink again, then take the folder from your desk and go through it. The delivery one acts as a typical ghoul would if somebody was horrible enough to ask him for his folder. The chem expert turns pale when he realizes his mistake. His dark fur fades to the pallor of a farmboy after a long night of dancing. "W-wait, what is this?" He trembles. And one more thing... You stuff the case file they just gave you in your pocket as paranoia gets the best of them. "Why my office usually only deals with humans or random wolves too old to Transhumanise. We only hired you two because I fixed a cars' engine and noticed your applications outside." You say, coming from around the desk and toward them. You start with the Ghoulish delivery man, taking him by surprise as you pick him up under his armpits and check his ears. Dedicated to delivering dragon tail in the far, far, future. You put him down and look at the chemist. He attempts to make some sort of excuse and tries to give a weak smile. You grab him tail first and pull him into your chest, looking for an ear with a piercing ~Futuristic Dragon~ You nod as you put him down and move on. "This is weird." You finally admit to them. "But I'm sure the Illuminati sent these two specifically with our needs in mind." Maybe that needs to change... "If I smell too much tripe, I'm kicking them both out." There is a long pause, the dawrf begins to try and shuffle something out of his pocket. The chemist ghoul's ears flatten against his head. Uh oh, he's going for it! "Raiders attack!" You begin to yell as you attempt to scramble for the shotgun under your desk. We proudly introduce today's newest member to the raiders business field! The plump and chubby dawrk are no match against you far more agile human body . You've killed enough ghouls and mutants that they fall easy to your fists. You pick up the shotgun and aim at the dawrbear as it charges you, knocking your desk over in the process. You blast the beast's foreleg before it swipes you across the room. "Paws behind your head!" Alligator delivery service. The fastest deliveries in Rostock! You're about to comply before you remember that ghouls heal insanely quickly. You duck under a wild swing and slam the stock of your shotgun into the creature's head again, knocking it out cold as you cuff his ankles and wrists. You do a doublecheck to see if he's dead, just to be sure. He is, seemingly unable to beg for his life. The alligator farm where the gator are delivered is currently under a series of construction tasks. REALLY nasty series of construction. You suppose that could be turned into slave work but they hardly need you to oversee that shithole. Plus the medic would probably smell the whole lot in a day and those heads are not coming off... Might be a loss producing fatfighters but at least it'd mean no more blood for these motherfucking monsters. "Shit, the chemiest's gone." You hear a voice from your office ask. Already we own over four over ten foot alligators including rex lex, the mighty apple and many breed one of a kind animal. You creep back over to your office, shotgun at the ready. The voice is once again emanates from within your pocket. You pull out the PDA 100 that Steve gave you and its starts to speak again. "You've got a what in there?" A worried voice asks from the other side of the line. A massive 14 foot beast. Weighing at least half a ton. It's name is....... - The messages stop there, like someone has pressed the spacebar. You browse the device and see that it's sent several information packets about the Funderpals company itself. You can't really access any of them without a password though. You're about to turn it off when it suddenly vibrates in your hands. Then again and again with ever increasing speed. Each on is incredibly detailed with over twenty bioligocail parts. They have a label appended to the front of each: (Green), (Red with anger sign), (Whtie), ......... We are currently broadcasting their vital signs over at americanalligator.xyz 73! Stay tunned far mor eexciting matchs to cmmilestone thisera of reptilian reserch! Meaningless labels. Each one is lifeforces based, you're certain of it now. Perhaps each section referes to the specific organ of the alligator based on its colour, becides the obvious: Green is the green label and so on... Our alligators come in many different sizes, ages, shapes, sexes and shades. He just said this to you over the phone. 'SHAPES' meaning the organ colour, sooooo..... The website is still mostly a pumpkin orange colour with a picture of an alligator on the front page. You're not a biologist but it seems that each alligator pic relates to the specific alligator pic sent to you on your phone... It soon starts to make your head pound too much and you decide to stop furthur research for the time being. The like to eat, sleep, dream, and spawn but they love to fight and gossip. They are loyal to those who are loyal to them, but ruthlessly efficient against those who dare cross them. You get inside your car once you're finished and proceed to drive the long and lonely road back home. You hear a quiet sigh escape your lips as you let the cool air conditioning fill your lungs. It's been quite a traumatising few days. You wonder if it's possible that something like this hasn't happened before in Fastoon's recent history. The algorytms which run each alligator is closely modeled after the habits of the real world reptile, alligator missippissus. It's sheer size being the only massive distinguisher between fantasy and reality. Once you hit the open highway, the PDA 100 begins to vibrate once again. What do I look like? Some sort of god dam schoolgirl? I didn't wear anything WITH a fuzz, because I'm 15 and anyone with half a brain could see I was aboslutely not wearing anything WITH wool... Their lungs breath and thier hearts beat just like yours. The only major difference is the fact that you are trying to determine their strongest organ based on labels used in visual cortex artwork. And so the message begins... once again. At this point, it's become maddening, however fascinating it may be. Orders for gator teeth are starting to accumulate. Smugglers are bringing the teeth in by the hundreds to them. Once again, you don't see any options. Your screen begins to blink itself off as the larger alligator's vital signs begin to disappear from your PDA. We just need your help to fund creation of the wrestling simulation. The sponsors will be able to pay for your tickets and you will be able to request songs and vote off others at home. In exchange your children will have food and school until the age of 7. In short time the screen stops blinking off and on and simply stays extinguished. Our desire is to create an expierence which leaves you dripping from the feeling of utter terror and awe as you combat one of these unpredicatable beasts. Our progress will not be hampered by you and many, many more people will have the honor of experiencing this breathtaking connection to one of Gods greatest gifts to earth. Thank you for your time. Alligator delivery service in addition to gator tail, we serve realism. hours of alligator combat video have been studied. real life wild life wranglers have been interviewed. now we just need to budget of 500 dollars towards the creatation of an accurate alligator wrestling simulation. thank for your cooperation and respect for our national heritage. The screen flickers on... Recent thought and development of the next evolution in alligator pic sharing techs have come to a hault. funding seems to be the issues as new users are not signing up fast enough. Thank you for your understanding. And on behalf of all the artists improving perfect beeing.

[brownstonearmy]

2020-01-17: More Than You Bargained For

July 3 (Friday, mid morning)

Several days have passed since the shenanigans of the last adventure. It is the now the day before the Battle Cart tournament and the cart for Team Dungwall is nearing completion. The weather for tomorrow is looking favorable, so Q (who is going by "Sparkle" today) and Norm spend some of their downtime checking out an estate sale happening at Crawler's All-Nite Bar.

Rosemary Pickelmann, the gnomish proprietor of Crawler's, died very suddenly in her sleep. Crawler's was a colorful dive bar where drinks could be bought with barter just as often as coin. Rosemary's brother has no desire to operate the business, and he's selling all the random crap Rosemary has accumulated in her years of running the bar.

In addition to piles of mismatched mundane goods, the party finds a few items of interest: a fancy-looking bottle of liquid labeled "Hurk's Super Not-Dead Juice," a weathered scroll case with papers inside that looks like the case Lucky carries, an exquisitely-carved didgeridoo, and a floating spindle of clear crystal that flits through the air above the crowd of potential buyers.

Q/Sparkle is immediately drawn to the didgeridoo. When the instrument is held, Q feels the pulse of magical energy coursing through it. The brother wants 10 gold pieces for it, but Q puts on the charm and haggles him down to 8. They pay for the instrument and begin deciphering its secrets. For now this instrument shall be known as Didgeriboop.

Norm is sifting through the piles of mundane goods, looking for more My Little Beholder figurines to add to his collection when the floating crystal thingy flits by his head. No one in the crowd has managed to grab the floating crystal yet. He asks how much the crystal would cost, and the brother asks for quite a bit of money since it is clearly magical. Norm haggles him down to 500GP and a MLB figurine if he can catch it without using anything but his bare hands. Since no one's managed to catch it yet, the brother thinks he'll get some entertainment out of watching the halfing try, but he doesn't know Norm Nimblebottom.

He jumps up and plucks the crystal from the air on his first try. While Norm and the brother are attempting to settle up, a familiar voice is heard in the crowd. It's Brynnan, and he's shoving his way to the front of the line. Brynnan's grabbed the weathered scroll case and angrily demanding to know how it ended up here. He doesn't notice Q and Norm yet, not until he gets to front of the line. Surprisingly, Brynnan is relatively subdued at the moment. He just wants to buy back the scroll case and be on his way without any hostilities from the party. The party agrees to let Brynnan complete the purchase as long as he keeps his cool. Norm pickpockets a smooth 20 platinum from Brynnan's coin purse as he goes to pay, and Brynnan is none-the wiser. Once Brynnan leaves, Norm settles his debt with some of his own money and the 20 platinum he stole from Brynnan.

As Q and Norm leave, the pair see a group of armed soldiers transporting a large creature that looks like a dragon without wings, and tiny little arms. Q recognizes this creature, though having never seen one in person, as a dinoswar. Dinosaur? Dinoswur? The bardic legends of this rare creature from a distant land were not particularly clear on the pronunciation. Norm recognizes the soldiers escorting the creature as belonging to the Obrosi Guard. The creature is muzzled and tethered to a thick rope that is being pulled by four guards while another dozen or so keep the crowds on the street at a safe distance.

Although relations with the kingdom of Obrus are pretty good, neither Q nor Norm are sure what to make of this scene. Are the guards going to use this creature as a weapon? Are they planning on killing it? The two hatch a plan to make sure the dinosaur gets to a safer place. No harm shall come to this creature!

Norm pulls out his Chime of Opening and uses it on the collar of the beast. The collar falls to the ground and the dinosaur stretches its neck. Guards leap into action to protect the townsfolk from possible misfortune. "Stay put!" one of the guards yells to the creature, who huffs a bit and does actually remain in place.

Q's Didgeriboop has the ability to cast Sleep to defuse the situation, but that is not what will be done in this moment. Instead, Q doots the didge with all their might, hoping to spook the creature and cause it to flee before the collar can be put on. One of the guards asks Q to stop, lest the sudden sounds escalate this precarious situation. Q accuses the guard of not appreciating the performing arts, as well as taking a moment to ask what is going to happen with the creature.

The guard indicates that they have orders to deliver this creature to Stormblossom Ranch for care and safekeeping because the creature can't be rehabilitated in the wild and is too rare to be euthanized. This is not a bad goal, and Q and Norm allow the guards to resume their mission. The pair follow close behind to make sure the guards stay true to their word (but not helping, of course, because they aren't getting paid to deal with that crap).

But the guards are true to their word and escort the dinosaur to Robin's doorstep. But their orders are only to give the creature to Robin, not help with its care (because they aren't getting paid to deal with this crap), so they turn and leave. Robin doesn't have a proper enclosure for such a creature and is unsure what it eats, so Norm and Q step in to help.

Since the dinosaur appeared to respond to commands from the soldiers earlier, Norm gets out his folding boat and embiggens it to its largest size. He tells the dinosaur to get in the boat, which dinosaur does after a few moments. The boat is too small to be a permanent enclosure for such a large creature, but it functions as an acceptable pet kennel in a pinch. The party's goal at this point is to try to get the dinosaur to remain docile for long enough to build a larger, more permanent enclosure. If the can get it to sleep for a while, that's a plus, too.

Feeding the dinosaur lots of meat until it goes into a food coma is Norm's suggestion for handling the situation. There's a butcher on the other side of town called Quality Game Processing that might be able to supply the necessary meat in large enough quantities. When they get there, the butcher makes a lot of bad puns about meats, but he's willing to cut the party a deal on half a cow that he needs to throw out because it wasn't salted properly. The party forgot to bring a cart, though, and end up having to pay a "porterhouse fee" to rent a cart to get the meat back to Robin's.

Norm uses the Chime of Opening on the dinosaur's muzzle and they start tossing slabs of meat through the portholes for the dinosaur to eat. It snarfs down the meat and is pretty happy. By now, Norm has figured out that the weird crystal thing that he bought is an Ioun Stone of Sustenance, and its bearer does not need to eat or drink while the stone orbits around their head. Since they don't have any more meat, Norm tosses the stone over to the dinosaur to help sate its hunger. The dinosaur seems pretty relaxed at this point, and Q doots on their new instrument to send the dinosaur off to a peaceful slumber.

Q and Norm talk with Robin about hiring a group of laborers from one of the construction companies in the area to build the dinosaur's new enclosure. It'll probably cost about 15 gold for labor and materials and Robin is fine with building it on the ranch, but the party will need to front the money for its construction. With those details settled, the adventure adjourns for the evening.

Stay tuned next time for more!

[marjaystuff]

Elise Cooper’s Interview with Julia London

The Charmer In Chaps by Julia London is a heartwarming novel.  This relationship story emphasizes the need for a little more acceptance in society today, as both the main female and male characters struggle with handicaps.

Luca Prince has grown up without a care in the world or so it seems.  He is part of Texas’ high society where his family is regarded as one of the wealthiest in the state.  Contrast that with Ella Kendall who is working two jobs and struggling to make ends meet.  They have grown up in different worlds, the have and the have nots. Currently, Ella has exactly three things to her name: a dog, a pig, and the rundown house she just inherited from her grandmother. A chance meeting brings Luca and Ella together, but he has no idea she was a high school classmate of his who had a deep crush. Wanting to get to know her more, he decides to help her repair the house.  But she knows him as a flirting womanizer cowboy.  Having lived in foster homes all her life, she has built walls and barriers to hide her feelings and emotions. What makes the story so enduring is watching how both must overcome life’s challenges, open up their hearts, and begin to trust each other.  

This was an uplifting story where readers root for the likeable characters to overcome their own handicaps.  An added bonus is London’s trademark witty character banter.

Elise Cooper: How did you get the idea for the story?

Julia London: I wanted to write about a Dallas type of family who falls on hard times.  I thought what would happen if you yank out all the wealth from underneath the Ewings.  I hope the readers like the characters and want to learn more about them.

EC:  You also delve into high school crushes?

JL:  Who didn’t have one in high school?  Most everyone can relate.  Remember how we covered our books with the brown paper grocery bags?  A lot of people wrote on those covers about what they fantasized.  Then later in life they would dream of running into that person they had a crush on.  I had my character Ella go from being on the fringe to having found herself.

EC:  Dyslexia plays an important role in the book?

JL:  I thought how hard it would be for someone who could not read as an adult.  I would think they would not be able to talk about their problem.  I know some authors who said they have this.  For me, it is remarkable that they overcame it and are able to read, but also became a writer.

EC:  Foster care is also highlighted?

JL:  I have some experience with my extended family.  As with Ella I know of children put in foster care because of drug problems.  Here in Texas, meth is a big problem, and foster care is exploding.  While I was researching this book, I found out that children were sleeping in the foster care offices because there was nowhere for them to go.  

EC:  It was interesting how you explored the have’s and have nots?

JL:  There is the issue of class within our society, which I touched on the fringe.  People can be judgmental about other people.  Luca did not always get how his wealth looked to Ella, but she also did not always get how her poverty looked to him.  

EC:  Why the ecology factor?

JL:  Ranches in Texas are going in that direction because it is so cost prohibitive.  The cattle industry and farming have fallen on hard times.  Some have turned the land back into an oasis.  I am personally interested in that and thought it a good interest for Luca.  Today, people are trying different ecological approaches instead of mass production, which has basically killed family farming. There is also the issue that happened here after the hurricane.  Not only horses, but cattle became feral.  Those big ranches sometimes cannot find their livestock.  I thought it interesting that there are now wild Mustangs running around Texas.

EC:  Cordelia Prince, the mom was an interesting secondary character?

JL: She interests me the most, maybe because we are the same age.  Also, she is widowed and I am divorced.  I have many of the same feelings as she does, but hopefully I am a lot nicer.  I do admire her since she says what is on her mind and never sugar coats it.  She straight talks, which gets her into trouble. I wanted to make the family realistic and did not want to make the mother 100% supportive.  I have a lot of friends who have different types of relationships with their mothers.  Some say my mom is my best friend and others say I have not talked with her in years.  I hope Cordelia is seen as a mom with faults, but someone who loves her children.

EC:  How would you describe Ella?

JL:  A loner who is trying to find her way.  She is framing her own path slowly and methodically without having any real foundation in her life.  She is practical, quiet, responsible, and is very guarded.  I had this quote of how she has built a “border wall that is 30 feet high.”

EC:  How would you describe Luca?

JL:  Overly confident.  Basically, what is not to like since he is gorgeous and has an outgoing personality.  But he also has a very sensitive side.  He presents himself to the world as a fun playboy, but is hiding something.  Not everything is as it seems. With Ella, he has found his soul mate and wants to be with her for the long haul.  

EC:  What about your next book?

JL:  It is titled Devil In The Saddle and is about Luca’s twin sister Hallie.  She has just broken off her expensive high society wedding after she found her fiancé cheating on her.  Now she is floating around and questions who she is.  It comes out in November.  With this series, I want to explore how the Prince family with all its faults impacts each child.  I come from a very big family so there is a lot to draw upon regarding relationship issues.

THANK YOU!!

[paulakaymason]

Cattle Egrets in Allen?  That seems crazy!  The other day, I was walking around this beautiful little neighborhood lake, trying to get some pictures of a Great Egret and some wood ducks swimming and hunting in this local pond.  I noticed some strange sounds coming from across the pond every now and then – it sounded like an owl and a bobcat having a fight.

I was very curious, but there was not a bridge to cross over to the other side.  After hearing the sounds several times, I hopped in my car, and quickly wound my way through the neighborhood trying to get to the other side of this little pond.  I finally found an entrance to a path, that I assumed would lead me back to the pond.  I could still hear the crazy animal sounds coming from somewhere close by, so I headed in the direction I thought they were coming from.

As I walked toward the crazy loud animal sounds to see what was going on, I passed several people on my way, and none of them seemed interested in what was going on or even wondering what was making these crazy, loud noises.  Hmmm…what did I not know?  As I got closer & closer to the sounds, I realized it was the same animal sounds repeating over and over.

I looked up, and there it was – a small speaker up in one of the trees playing these wild animal sounds every few minutes.  The speaker was attached to the tornado warning siren tower for this neighborhood.  I could not figure out what this was all about, so I made my way back to the pond, to try and get some good photos.  I figured some kids were playing some sort of a prank on this community. All in good fun, I thought.  So I went about my business.

Here is one of the ducks I was trying to take photos of. I was able to get a few pictures right before the fireworks started!

Just as I was about to get in the perfect spot to shoot the wood ducks and the Egrets, someone set off a firecracker just a few feet behind me on the trail.  I just about jumped out of my skin!  Not only did it totally frighten me, but it also scared away ALL the ducks and Egrets that I was there to take photos of!  Ugh…

And even worse, just as I calmed myself from the loud firecracker sound, someone blew an air horn from the same area!  Oh my goodness…what was going on?  I was so annoyed by the teenagers that I assumed were on their bikes behind me on the trail.  I figured they were watching me through the trees and having a good laugh at the old lady who had just been scared half to death!  Little hoodlums!

I figured they had gone on their way, when another firecracker went off, followed again by another air horn!  What in the world.  I decided that there was no need to stick around – every bird and duck for miles was now gone, so I started back towards my car.  Every 2-3 minutes as I walked back, I heard another firework being exploded followed by an airhorn.  As I was cursing the teenagers who messed up my perfect shot, I saw an Allen Parks & Recreation truck parked up on the grass near the trail entrance.

Hmmm…had someone called about these teenagers?  They must have.  But why would they send Allen Parks & Recreation after them?  Shouldn’t it be the police?  After all, it was in the middle of the day, during the week.  These little trouble-makers should’ve been in school, right?

As I was telling my husband about all of this excitement from my adventure, he and I both agreed that it seemed strange that Allen Parks & Recreation were there.  As we started talking more about it, we realized that there must be some kind of crazy animal trouble in that neighborhood.  Why else would they be trying to scare things away?  Bobcats?  Snakes?  What could it be?

After talking with a friend who lives in that neighborhood, we discovered that they are having a terrible time with Cattle Egrets nesting there.  Apparently, they create quite a mess, and they are very stinky!  Who knew??  I’ve seen Cattle Egrets before, but they’ve always been near farms and ranches that have cows!  I’ve never seen a Cattle Egret that isn’t right next to a small herd of cows.   Crazy little birds!

This is where I usually see Cattle Egrets – hanging out with a herd of cattle!

I decided to look up these Cattle Egrets for a couple of reasons.  I wanted to know about them, and I wanted to check to see if this guy’s story about Cattle Egrets causing trouble in their neighborhood was true.  Apparently, this guy new what he was talking about.  The problem with Cattle Egrets is so bad in this neighborhood that it made the local news!

Not just any news station, but NBC News!  Check out the article by Catherine Ross titled Allen Dealing with Cattle Egrets Again.  And you can see the news story below…

I decided to do some reading on Cattle Egrets and found out some interesting facts about them on the  All About Birds Cornell Lab of Ornithology website.

I read on their website that a Cattle Egret spends most of its time in fields rather than streams. It forages at the feet of grazing cattle, head bobbing with each step, or rides on their backs to pick at ticks. This stocky white heron has yellow plumes on its head and neck during breeding season.

Originally from Africa, it found its way to North America in 1953 and quickly spread across the continent. Elsewhere in the world, it forages alongside camels, ostriches, rhinos, and tortoises—as well as farmers’ tractors.

On many of my adventures lately, I have run across some beautiful pastures filled with cattle, and almost always, the cattle are surrounded by Cattle Egrets.  I love watching them, because compared to the cows, they are so small.  But…the Cattle Egrets have no fear.  They just walk along beside the cows, or perch on their backs, and peck at their legs!  Very entertaining!

Now that I know what’s going on in that neighborhood, I might have to go back and see if I can get some good pictures of them nesting!  What fun?  Well…maybe not if you are living in that area, but it sure is fun to be able to visit!  And then leave…  Let me know about your encounters with Cattle Egrets!  And send some pictures if you have some.  Until next time…

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And there they go! Right after the air-horn went off!

Surprised I caught this photo. He was off flying away so fast after the first firecracker!

These birds are crazy! Not even worried about getting stepped on!

    Cattle Egrets in Allen? What? Cattle Egrets in Allen?  That seems crazy!  The other day, I was walking around this beautiful little neighborhood lake, trying to get some pictures of a Great Egret and some wood ducks swimming and hunting in this local pond.